#The goal of this is make sure youre aware of how guilty 'you' should be
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broken record. (it's your fault)
You will find solstice in the stories of people which lives much worse than your own,
Knowing that despite your efforts you will never have a reason.
You are flawed,
and clumsy,
you are the problem.
And you are unable to find a cause.
Because you, are the cause.
Icarus chose to fly towards the sun, and so did you.
#poetry#orginal poetry#poem#creative writing#original work#beginner poetry#poems on tumblr#poems and quotes#sad poetry#frustrated#you are the problem#Short poetry#contemporary poetry#Icarus mention#Gasp#What a shocker#Italics reinforce the fact that “you” is the important word in each sentence#The goal of this is make sure youre aware of how guilty 'you' should be#Becuase#'you' probably have a valid reason too#but 'you' has convinced themselves so mucy that they are the problem#Its basically meant to show the self blaming behaviours of someone who is struggling#Every “you” is meant to feel like a finger being pointed#Another reason “you” arent good enough
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Crash and Burn | Chapter 10
Summary: You’re the first female driver to compete in the Formula 1 World Championship in decades and it's your second year of navigating through a male-dominated sport. Your talent and drive to prove yourself made you vicious on the grid. Your seemingly unshakeable confidence was never questioned- until a certain Ferrari driver made you crash and burn.
Pairing: Carlos Sainz Jr. x Reader
Chapters: 10/?
Warnings: swearing
Word Count: 4.3k
Posted on: 1/6/2023
masterlist
a/n: I'm finally updating, thank you for your patience! One more chapter after this my friends!
Carlos Sainz Jr. said he loved you and you were elated. You were aware of how long you two have been dating but you couldn’t deny what you felt. After your horrible crash and the days you spent recovering in bed, you had a lot of time to think about your life and the role Carlos had in it. You watched him take care of you for days now and you were so grateful but you couldn’t help but sometimes think that he was only doing this because he felt guilty for the fight that he started. You were quick to brush it off but the thought always stayed in the back of your mind.
Walking hand in hand, you and Carlos made your way to the trailhead and as you were huffing and puffing, an intrusive thought broke through. What if Carlos only said he loved you because he felt obligated? He sees you looking at him and squeezed your hand.
“What are you thinking about?”
“A lot of things,” you replied.
“I get nervous when you go quiet and get lost in your thoughts,” said Carlos.
You laughed. “Why?”
“It usually means you’re overthinking the situation.”
You kept a neutral face making sure you didn’t show any more telling information. You underestimate how much he understood you.
“No,” you lied. “I’m just a little frustrated that I’m having such a hard time walking up this tiny hill.”
Carlos rubs your back comfortingly. “You’ll build your stamina in no time, I’m sure once your lungs have healed you will be back to normal.”
You nodded as you made a mental goal of taking no breaks until you reached the car. Shortly after your goal was set, you began to wheeze so Carlos insisted on giving you a piggyback ride. You kept apologizing for making him work harder and he responded by slapping your thighs and telling you he could barely feel you. You held him tight as you tried to get as close to him as possible, making sure his center of gravity wasn’t off balance. As you cling to him, you wonder if he is starting to regret all the trouble of taking care of you.
Carlos was all giddy and over the moon about what happened between the two of you. You couldn’t see it but he had a grin on his face the entire time he was carrying you. He loved the fact that you clung to him, reassuring him that you needed him and wanted him there. You were unusually quiet for the rest of the walk and on the car ride back to your apartment, he shrugged it off thinking you were frustrated at yourself. He wanted to talk about it but decided it was better to give you time before he brought it up.
That night, Carlos went to meet Charles at the gym and the minute he left, you video-called Anna and your sister Elsie. Lowering the volume on your phone, you laughed at both your sister and coach screeching after hearing the news.
“You guys went through a lot together, I’m not even surprised!” said Elsie.
“Does he love me though? You guys know I have a history of falling hard, but Carlos? I don’t doubt his feelings for me but I don’t know if what he feels is love.”
Anna rolls her eyes at you. “Are you kidding me? That man loves you so much. You should have seen him after the accident, he was a hot mess.”
“I agree,” said Elsie. “I went back to hear his radio messages after your crash and the man was having a panic attack. Plus, he didn’t need to stay with you for your recovery. Anna and I easily could have dropped everything to come and stay with you but he insisted that he should be the one.”
“See! He feels guilty for starting the fight so he thinks he’s obligated to take care of me!” you countered.
Elsie pinched the bridge of her nose. “Maybe you should get another check-up because it sounds like you’re not getting enough oxygen in your brain. How can we get it into your thick skull that this man loves you?”
You shrugged. What they said made sense but you were still skeptical.
“Elsie and I would tell you to break up with him if we didn’t think he was telling the truth. So believe us when we say we trust Carlos. Pay attention to how he treats you, you’ll see that this man is genuine.”
How could you question Carlos when all he did was support you after everything? You knew you were stubborn but a pessimistic part of you was weary about his feelings.
After coming back from the gym, he helped you make dinner and now the two of you were on the couch as you watched tv. He was sitting while you laid down with your head on his lap. Your tank top rode up exposing the bruises that have begun to fade on your abdomen. You didn’t notice until you felt Carlos gently running his fingers over the purple skin.
“They don’t hurt anymore”
“That’s good to hear,” said Carlos. “Does it still hurt to breathe?”
You took a deep breath to test it out. “Only a little bit. It’s a big improvement from a couple of days ago.”
Carlos nodded as he remembered your labored breathing. There were times at night when he would wake up terrified that you stopped breathing only to be reassured by your ragged breaths next to him. From that night on, he would rest his hand on the space between your stomach and rib cage, just so he could feel the expansion and contraction.
“I think I’m healing at a great pace, the Grand Prix isn’t for another 2 weeks and that’s enough time for me to heal and race in Spain,” you continued. “I know I had a hard time today but if I steadily push myself while getting enough rest, I should be good to go.”
Carlos shifts uneasily and you reach up to cup the side of his face.
“I promise I won’t push too hard but you have to remember I still don’t have a guaranteed seat for next year and my career is on the line. I will do whatever is necessary to race in Barcelona. It’s going to hurt like hell for me but if my doctor says I’m fit to race, nothing is stopping me from driving my car.”
He was terrified of the idea of you racing again. He wanted you to skip the Spanish GP so you could properly heal but he had to remember that you were also a Formula One driver. That passion and determination he had for the sport were exactly what you felt. Carlos had to learn to be comfortable with the fact that someone he loved was on the track with him.
The rest of the week was busy with you gradually building your strength and getting the rest you needed. Carlos had to fly back to Italy for some testing and the man acted like you were going to fall into a coma if you didn’t have company in the apartment. He made Charles and Lando promise to visit you even though they were already coming by the apartment every day. He was being ridiculous but you thought it was endearing so you added it to your mental list of “signs that Carlos loves me”.
You got the all-clear from your doctor to race in the next Grand Prix but you were warned it would hurt as you brake and go through corners. You acknowledged the warning and knew it wasn’t going to be easy getting back in the car but you were so determined. Ever since the accident happened, you purposefully stayed off social media and only made appearances whenever Carlos, Lando, and Charles would do little updates about you on their Instagrams. Since your crash was still fairly new and nothing else crazy happened, the motorsport world was oversaturated with articles and videos about your crash. In the words of Guenther Steiner, you wanted to make a “fucking Viking come back”. You undoubtedly had supporters and die-hard fans but not as many as the other guys. It was instrumental that your next few races had good results to gain the respect of everybody.
*******
After a couple of days on the simulator at the Aston Martin HQ, you made your way over to Madrid. It was officially race week but Carlos’s parents insisted that you visit them before going to Barcelona on Thursday to start the race weekend. You were waiting at the baggage carousel and it was eight at night so the airport was slower than usual. The people on your flight were too tired to notice or had no idea you were an F1 driver, you thought you weren’t going to be recognized until 2 young girls sheepishly went up to you and asked if it was okay to take a picture. You gladly obliged and gave them hugs after the youngest told you, you were her hero and because of you, she wanted to be a driver. You couldn't stop smiling, moments like this made it worth it to be a woman in motorsport.
You made your way outside and scanned the line of cars looking for Carlos’s Alfa Romeo SUV. You were surprised when you saw Carlos Senior and Reyes get out of a car and wave at you to get your attention. Your smile faltered when you realized Carlos wasn’t with them but you immediately snapped out of it, you were not going to be all upset and overthink everything in front of his parents. Reyes gets to you first and engulfs you in a warm hug that feels so comforting while Carlos Sr. holds you tight and gives you a few slaps on the back just to show how excited he was that you arrived. Although you appreciated his enthusiasm, he did manage to jostle your sensitive lungs which led you to a coughing fit as they helped you put their luggage in the back. Reyes shoots her husband a glare while he profusely apologized. You just laugh and brush it off as you explained to them that your lungs will be sensitive for a while and that he didn’t hurt you.
As Carlos Sr. started to drive off, you asked them where their son was.
“He got so busy running errands, he wasn’t going to make it on time to pick you up so he asked us instead,” replied Reyes.
“Oh, okay,” you said. “Do you know when he’ll get back? He hasn’t texted me.”
Reyes shrugs, as she checks her phone. “I’m sure he’ll be back home when we get there.”
You only nodded as you couldn’t help the overthinking that was happening in your head. Why would he not text you? You were thankful that his parents picked you up but it bothered you that he didn’t even text back when you sent him a message that you arrived and were with his parents. That feeling of anxiety started gnawing through your stomach. Maybe when he went back to Italy he realized that he didn’t love you or worst of all, he realized he didn’t love you and cheated on you to get rid of that overwhelming sense of entrapment. You knew you were overthinking but that didn’t stop that horrible heavy feeling in your chest. When Carlos went back to Italy, messages and phone calls were scarce but it didn’t bother you because you knew he was working. Looking back at what happened only made you more nervous.
To distract yourself, you start telling his parents about your medical updates and that you weren’t 100% yourself but strong enough to get cleared to race. Reyes started to get teary-eyed as she recounted the day of the accident, you already knew the story of Reyes wanting to buy a ticket to Miami but Carlos Sr. starts telling you the details of how inconsolable she was until she found out you were okay. You take Reyes’s hand and squeeze it, you knew Reyes was fond of you but to see how affected she was just by retelling the story made you believe it. You just hoped her son hadn’t changed his feelings.
You arrived in their beautiful home and there was no sign of Carlos but you got quickly distracted by a warm welcome from his sisters. Blanca carried your luggage as she led you to Carlos’s room to freshen up before dinner. You shoot another text to Carlos and he finally responds with a simple “see you soon”. You respond with a thumbs-up emoji before putting down your phone to change out of your sweaty travel clothes. You made sure to wear something that covered your chest and shoulders, the bruises there were still visible and you wanted to spare the Sainzs of the image of your yellow and slightly purple skin.
After making sure you were presentable, you heard the front door opening and there was excited chatter. Knowing this was probably Carlos, you made your way to the foyer. Anxiety bubbled in your stomach as you went down the stairs, what if Carlos started acting differently to you? Once you stepped into the foyer, Carlos whipped around to see you. Grinning, he passes you an enormous bouquet of peonies and holds up a few bags.
“I got you a cake! It’s to celebrate your recovery!” said Carlos before he promptly put down the bags and used that hand to grasp your waist and kissed you deeply. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t pick you up from the airport.”
You felt your face burn as a crimson blush appeared on your cheeks. Your response wasn’t because he kissed you like that in front of his family, it was because you were embarrassed. Embarrassed because the entire ride to the Sainz’s house you were sitting there questioning Carlos and your relationship and here he was gifting you flowers and other goods.
You blinked up at him. “It’s okay,” you stammered. “I’m just happy you’re here.”
You and Carlos get whisked away to the dining room to reveal a beautiful table setting. You gushed at how lovely the room was and how delicious the food looked. The rest of dinner was the most fun you’ve had in a while since the past two weeks were filled with rest, doctor’s visits, and workouts with Anna. It would’ve been perfect but you kept thinking back to how insecure you were feeling and how ridiculous you were. You tried your best to ignore it, as Carlos helped you cut the cake and pass the slices to everyone. After a few more glasses of wine and more pastries, Carlos could see that you were tired and called it a night for the both of you. You offered to help wash up and clear the table but his sisters brushed you off and told you that wasn’t necessary.
When you get to Carlos’s room, he immediately pulls you into a hug and nestles his head on your neck.
“Hey, I’m sorry I wasn’t the one to pick you up. I was in a meeting with one of my sponsors and it ran late, I still had to pick up your cake and a bunch of other things I ordered for you.”
You ruffled his hair. “It’s okay, I was a little shocked when I saw your parents but it was nice to spend time with them.”
Reaching for one of the shopping bags he came home with, he pulls out a box and hands it to you. You arch your brow as you take it, this was the first gift he's given you since you started dating. After carefully lifting the material out of the box, you gasped. It was a beautiful emerald green cocktail dress.
“I saw it in the window on my way to the meeting. I knew you would look beautiful in it and I thought you would like to wear it when we celebrate your next podium.”
Carefully placing the dress back in its box, you reached up to wrap your arms around his neck. Your “thank you” was muffled as you pressed your face against his neck. You couldn’t bare to look at him with his smile and twinkling eyes as he awaited your reaction to the dress. Overcome with emotions that you’ve been holding back for weeks, you started crying. Immediately sensing a change in your mood, Carlos untangles your arms from him and holds your shoulders as he frantically looks you up and down.
“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”
By then a steady stream of tears was going down your face. You covered your face embarrassed that you broke down in front of him.
“Y/n! What is it? Is it the dress? I can return it if you don’t like it.”
You shook your head. “No, it’s not the dress or the contusion.”
Carlos looked bewildered as he watched you in confusion. Taking a deep breath, you took a seat on the bed.
“Do you love me or do you think you love me because you feel guilty?”
Carlos looked at you incredulously, he couldn’t believe what he had just heard. At first, he thought you were joking but when he saw you looking up at him with tears in your eyes and a pout on your lips, he realized you were serious. Carlos sat on the bed and tried to pull you as close as he could.
“You don’t think I love you? Am I not doing enough for you? I can do better.” said Carlos earnestly.
The terrified look in his eyes made you cry harder as a wave of shame and embarrassment washed over you. “You are doing enough!” you whispered well aware that his family might hear you if you spoke too loud. “I feel so stupid saying this out loud but sometimes I feel like all the nice things you’ve done for me are only because you feel bad for me.”
The room was dead silent as he processed what you said and Carlos shook his head. “I-” he stammered before he took a deep breath and looked you in the eye. “Honestly, I will always feel guilty about what I said to you and I don’t know if I will ever get over that feeling. I am so sorry for everything that I’ve done because it is making you doubt what I feel for you.”
Carlos pauses to wipe away a stray tear that fell from his own eyes.
“I stayed and took care of you because I love you, not because I felt bad for hurting you. Your accident only made me realize that I cannot live without you. Did you know I would wake up terrified every night that you stopped breathing?”
You shook your head, you had no idea. You were so focused on your recovery that you forgot how traumatic the accident was to the people that cared about you.
“Carlos, I’m sorry I doubted you. I’ve seen how much you cared for me these past few weeks and when you left for Italy, we didn’t talk much and I began to think that you got sick of me. I’ve been so insecure but now I know the truth, I can finally let my doubts go,” you said apologetically.
He lets out a small laugh in disbelief, “You shouldn’t apologize for something that’s not your fault. I don’t blame you for doubting me… especially after all the stupid things I’ve said.”
Without missing a beat, you replied with a simple “yup” to agree that his stupidity was what started the fight. He made a face that made you giggle and just like that, the sadness and tension in the room dissipated.
“Sorry for the lack of communication in Italy, I was afraid you were sick of seeing me every day so I thought I would lay low and get updates from Lando and Charles.”
Now it was your turn to roll your eyes at Carlos. There were times when you were annoyed that he didn’t let you do anything but you genuinely enjoyed living with Carlos. It was like a glimpse into your future and to your delight, the two of you lived harmoniously with each other. That night you and Carlos slept peacefully in each other's arms knowing that your insecurities were put to rest and that for now, your relationship was okay.
The next few days in Madrid were blissful and filled with love and support from his family. Anna wanted you to do long-distance runs to prep your lungs before the race weekend. Carlo and his family would join you and it even gained attention on social media where people would spot a long train of Sainzes running and you situated in the middle. People joked about them treating you like a fragile doll and you all found it funny because it was true. You would try to help them out in the house but they refused to let you lift a finger. Soon enough, your days of getting pampered came to an end once you arrived at the circuit. It was time to work hard, it’s going to hurt like hell but you know you’ll get through it.
—
The rumble of the cars, the smell of gasoline, and the sound of drills echoing in the distance used to be comforting sounds but now you’re not so sure anymore. Feeling anxious, you walked aimlessly around the garage as the mechanics were doing some last-minute check-ups. You shake your hands out and do a couple of bounces on your toes to release the energy but nothing helps. Your race engineer pulls you to the side and looks at you concerned.
“Are you okay? We can get a junior driver to test for FP1.”
You shake your head. “No, I’ll be fine. It’s just nerves and once I get in the car I’ll be good.”
He squints at you and you muster a smile.
“Just give me some time and I’ll be ready,” you say as you point to an empty corner in the garage.
Ben looks at his watch and the screens. “You have two minutes and then it’s gone time.”
Putting on your headphones, you walk over to the corner and hope the cameras don’t find you. You just wanted a few minutes of listening to your music and clearing your mind of any doubts you were having. You wanted to be sure you were 100% confident before you could even sit in the cockpit. Closing your eyes, you go through the track one more time, imagining perfect corners and fast straights. You hope you have an amazing comeback, you don’t have time to falter and lose more points in the championship
Fidgeting in your seat, you check to make sure your seat belts were fastened and that you were fitted snugly. Just to be sure, you had one of the mechanics do a double-check. You roll out of the garage, bumble down the pitlane and once you hit the exit line, you ease on the gas pedal until you can't push down anymore. You grit your teeth as you fly through the corners, the pressure is extremely painful but you fight through it. The team radios in asking how you were doing but they keep it to a minimum knowing you only wanted stats from the car. You were so focused that it took a second encounter with Carlos for you to notice that he was waving at you, you give him a little salute and Carlos zooms away happy to see you driving well. It turns out all the drivers have been waving to you every time your cars get close. The little distractions help with the pain but by the end of practice 1, you’re in tears with the pain in your chest but you’re proud of the work you’ve done. As you make your way to the pitlane, they inform you that you were the fastest and your team cheers at the accomplishment.
Slowly getting out of the car, you are met with Anna who immediately tells you to hold your hand over your head and breathe deeply so your lungs could expand properly. The team celebrates and you continue the hard work for FP2 and FP3 the next day. You qualify for P8 and you’re excited about that, if everything goes right you’ll go for the top 5. The love and support you’ve received from fans and everyone in the paddock warmed your heart. When Carlos said he would never leave your side, you didn’t think he would take it so literally. Every chance that he had, he would make sure he was there, it came to the point where you had to reassure him that you were okay and he didn’t need to stick to you like glue. The number of posters with your name on them and people wearing Aston Martin green made you so happy, you couldn’t stop waving at everyone. The close encounter with a serious injury made you appreciate every little thing and you were so thankful for the people that supported you through the “scandal” and the accident.
The buzz before the race was always exciting and it helped ease your worries about going into a race. After the traditional pinky swear with Carlos, you hopped into the car and they helped strap you in tightly. You adjust your helmet and drinking straw, close your eyes, and envision multiple overtakes. As you wait for the green lights, you grin.
“Okay, I’m ready to rock ‘n’ roll. Let’s go for it, ladies and gents!”
Taglist:
@oyesmendes, @forzaferraris, @harley-sunday, @thatoneidiot16, @haterpenny, @mysticalnightenthusiast, @laura-naruto-fan1998, @helluvahazelnut, @starjane312, @thatchickwiththecamera, @sticksdoesart, @xscorpioxmoon, @sanne-p, @idkiwantchocolatee , @ruledchaos, @callmequeenbeee, @nochillnel, @dr3lover, @urbankaite2, @justharrysworld, @ohthemisssery, @zoobabystation, @fangirlingcontent-blog, @dan3avacado, @compulsiveshit, @iamasimpingh0e, @inurdreamms, @kodzuskook, @imsoconfused2903, @urbankaite2, @nsprinz, @loveofmylife12 , @capela-miranda, @organasith, @c0k3z3r0na, @thelightnessofthebeing @verstfosi, @glitterquadricorn, @bloomingpresent, @troybolton-14, @vio111a, @marvelousmendess, @bbbbruins, @itssherlockedontheinside, @secretlysoft444, @melonunicornbby
#carlos sainz jr x reader#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz fluff#carlos sainz x you#carlos sainz fanfic#f1 fan fic#f1 fanfiction#f1 fanfic#carlos sainz x y/n#formula one x reader#formula 1 x reader
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I wanna talk about my mind for a little bit
I was gonna save this until after I posted the last Wingless Angel chapter but I can’t post it yet. Pretty sure my mind wants me to get this out of my system first.
So hi everyone, how are you? How have you been? Honestly if you’re still following at all I’m delighted.
I don’t want this to come across as some excuse for all the unfinished fanfic I left behind 3+ years ago, which is why I wanted to publish WA first, so I hope you don’t take it that way. But I ended up stumbling upon an aspect of my mental health that I’m still trying to address and since I never really saw anyone post or talk about my particular issue before very recently, I wanted to share it in case it resonates with anyone.
(Clearly stuff has changed, this is where I'd normally put a "read more" but.... I guess that's not a thing anymore?? Hopefully this isn't a huge annoying wall of text on everyone's dash, oof.)
I’ve posted before about my ADHD. I’ve been getting treatment for it for 10 years now, and for all that time, medication & other coping mechanisms have been helpful to a point, but only to a point. There was still something left that was keeping me from functioning, and I couldn’t tell what it was. All I knew was that I had no will of my own, and I’d spent the last 10 years trying to create situations where the people in charge were asking (or implying that i should do) things I considered good to do. “People in charge” meant anyone besides myself. If someone was not me, they automatically had authority, simply by virtue of being someone external to me.
I did a lot of research trying to find something that matched up with my experiences & feelings, even partially, and I looked into things like PDA autism and even just the people-pleasing habits common with other ADHD folks.
At some point, with therapy, I did learn how to say “no” to other people’s demands of me. I learned to set boundaries. But I was still profoundly uncomfortable with dictating what I was going to do, especially if anyone else was ever going to be aware of it.
When I was a little kid, i was told “no” constantly, and that’s not hyperbole. I’ve cited the story many times of falling in love with the violin when I was 9 but immediately being told “No, you’re going to play the flute.” So I played the flute, but without any passion for it I couldn’t figure it out and I quit, and my mom never stopped making me feel guilty about it. But that wasn’t the only example of that kind of thing. I wanted to play soccer; mom said play basketball, so I played basketball. I wanted to play piano; mom bought me a guitar and my sister got the electronic keyboard. (We eventually switched, but I never felt like I could fully commit to playing the thing). I wanted to learn Spanish or Japanese in high school; mom told me to learn French, so I took four fucking years of French.
My feelings and wishes were effectively not a factor in what I was allowed to do, what goals I was allowed to pursue, unless I was staying in my room and out of everyone’s way (and even then I had to make sure I jumped up to do what was asked of me if I got called from another room). Eventually I learned, as a survival mechanism, to just obey. It wasn’t worth fighting anymore because I was systematically robbed of my individuality at every turn. Something happened when I was 13 that I will never talk about publicly and she played "good parent who has her kid's back" for about 5 minutes before siding with the bad guy. I brought it up years later and she was mad I'd never gotten over it. And all that is on top of being raised to be a "good little capitalist drone" who needs to be perfect and efficient at all times. I was never supported. I was never given grace. So I never gave grace to myself, because if your own parents don't give you grace & time to learn and be flawed, then clearly you don't deserve any, right?
I finally cut my mother out of my life not long after the pandemic began, a few months after having gone no-contact from my father (mostly due to his casual racism & transphobia, which cost me at least one very close friendship when I was a kid, and was unkind to my child in a way I could not abide). My immediate family - spouse and kid - are the only family I have left now. And it sounds tragic on paper, because it is, but until I finally got away from my mother's voice in real life I couldn't filter through the recordings of her voice in my mind so I could finally throw them away. And that knot is still being untied. Honestly this is 10 years into a very long mental health journey, when you think about it, but I wish I'd cut my mom out of my life a very very long time ago. I wasn't angry about lost time when I got my ADHD diagnosis. I was angry about it when I realized that yes, this had been abuse, and I hadn't been courageous enough to get away from it sooner.
Because that dehumanization resulted in me having no will power of my own, and that extended as far as simply not wanting anything anymore. I like things, sure, but anything I WANTED for myself was out of the question, especially if it involved other people in any way, but honestly even solo pursuits became impossible for me to will myself to do. For right now, when I have something I want to do, I'm telling my friends & husband to order me to do it. Because I won't do it otherwise. And it's a potentially dangerous workaround, but it's all I have for now. I and my therapist are hoping that once my brain registers that what other people are telling me to do is aligned with what I want to do, maybe it won't depend on other people's commands anymore and I'll just take control of my own life for once. But that may not work. I'll have to wait and see.
So what does this have to do with my abandoned fics? Well, it had started to become more difficult to write because the adhd "shinyness" was wearing off anyway, but I'd been doing a good job of pushing past it because people liked what I was writing. I could see my skill getting better, and engagement was going up, and that was really motivating.
But then... I stopped writing fic all of a sudden because someone made a post about finding it shitty when writers wrote about COVID in their fics, and.... that was sort of a last straw that broke me, because I do exactly that in the last WA chapter. So I just turned tail and ran away. I tried to push through and write & publish the chapter anyway, because it was the LAST chapter and I knew people were waiting on it, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Even having OSBB obligations didn't get me writing again, and given that obligation, the shame I felt about not having finished those stories weighed on me so badly that I couldn't even interact with you guys on Instagram, despite you having been so kind to me in the past.
Let's face it, that goes WAY beyond adhd rejection sensitivity, that's a trauma response. I saw one bit of honestly well-reasoned critique of work that wasn't even mine, and I just ran. Immediately I felt like I was no longer allowed to take up space here. I felt unwelcome here in this corner of the internet world, just as I have always felt like I wasn't allowed to take up space in the physical world for almost my ENTIRE life. And the shame I already feel about myself normally was compounded by what I felt was a cowardly thing to do, which prevented me from returning.
Now that I've accepted that, yes, I am an abuse victim whose life has been MASSIVELY and MAJORLY affected by that childhood trauma, I'm finally able to address it properly. Over the last few weeks I've been changing the direction of my therapy and my self-talk (reparenting yourself is HARD) and I'm feeling some improvement, but progress isn't linear so my burst of motivation the other night fizzled out, and I'm genuinely sorry for that.
So... yeah, I'm trying to come back and get those fics finished. I'm grateful for any of you willing to be patient with me. Consciously I KNOW I deserve any support willingly given to me by any of you, but I FEEL like I don't. So yeah. Thanks. <3
#long post#me irl#i'm sure i had a tag for original posts but i dont' know wtf it was#it's been awhile#I'm too damn old to already have so many regrets#i'm mourning a lot of goals i had once that are no longer options#or even things i'm not as interested in doing anymore#like i'm still sad i didn't do them in the first place even tho i don't wanna do them now#but some stuff i really do want to do#and i hope to regrow my childhood will power soon enough that i can do them#cuz yeah there is a proper midlife crisis going on now#i am halfway to death if i'm lucky#and my life has never been my own#so i'm trying to seize it back but it is really hard to do#I feel like tumblr is the only site that would know where this post is coming from#anywhere else i know it'd just be seen as a sob story excuse or something#i mostly just wanted anyone who's been an abuse victim in a similar way to realize that that's what it is#because i resisted accepting it for so long#and it cost me so much time
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hullo there sleepyowl! if u would be so kind may i have some advice?
how do you get confident to share ur writing? for me im worried to share not until it's finished and perfect. however i want to share in google docs for anyone to read but its still drafting stage. what do you think? should i finish first? since things will change. but also i want to share it but i think its not good enough
Well, if you take me as an example,you should absolutely share something in a gd that is still in its drafting stage and unfinished. I'm very direct about it. "This is a draft zero, there is stuff in here that is already non-canon, and the characters aren't consistent yet. I do not have an updating schedule and would never commit to one. But you can read it if you want!"
That might not be for you. Maybe it is.
As to how I got so confident, well.
I WORKED FOR IT.
Truly. When I was a baby writer, I had so much confidence because I didn't know I was bad - talented, yes, but still unskilled - and so I would share things without fear. And then as I i progressed I passed through the dreaded stage of being-very-aware-of-the-good-but-also-the-bad and it psyched me out a bit. A lot a bit. But I love writing and I couldn't stay away forever so when I came back, I decided to just go for it.
Now, at this point, I had gone from being a massive introvert with a lot of insecurities to still an introvert but with a solid base of self-esteem, some life experiences that changed me forever, different priorities and goals, a set of skills and knowledge, and the ability to understand that putting myself out there was just what everybody did all the time, and I could do it to. What was the worst that could happen? Somebody doesn't like what I write? I don't like what everybody else writes, so it's only fair.
I approach my art the same way I approach myself: I'm a work in progress, but I have made tremendous amounts of progress and I'm interested to see where I'll go next. I don't have to feel embarrassed that I was once a child making childish mistakes, or feel guilty for enjoying certain things, or for not always finishing projects. I am being the person I want to be, and I'll be the writer I want to be. Being a person is also not optional, but writing is, so I get to be so much more relaxed about it.
It took me years to get here, but I've also been here for years now. You just have to start. Believe in yourself, believe in your writing. Love yourself, love your writing. Enjoy yourself, enjoy your writing. Develop your self-confidence over time, develop your writing confidence over time.
A lot of my current confidence comes from the fact that I know I'm a good writer. But I got here because I believed I could be one and then worked for it. It's homegrown confidence, and nobody can take it away from me because I earned it by myself, for myself.
And I'm a conflicting person. I have fantastic self-esteem but sometimes low self-confidence, and I find that comes from one main factor. I'm confident in myself because I know myself. I'm less confident around others because they often do not. That's the chance you have to take. Pull from the confidence you have from yourself when allowing others to view your work in progress (either you or your art).
And, like anything in life, this requires practice. But you knew that. It just always does.
But like, anybody can practice this! You don't need special skills to start out with. You develop them along the way. You can be a good writer - and maybe you already are - if you just go for it.
It comes down to practice, and it comes down to love. Practice this thing because you love it.
One more small note: how can you determine if a thing is perfect? You can finish it, but how can you know that it's reached its perfect form? I'm not sure we can ever tell. In that case, share it while it might be "bad" or wait until it's some stage of polished, but either way, share it because you love it regardless of perceived quality. After all, you are allowed to love your art in every stage, in all its forms. And you should.
And people can tell. You can tell when a writer loves their work and it can transcend the perceived quality. Maybe it's a zero draft. But I am having so much fun writing it, and I want my friends to he in on the fun with me.
All that to say that: you should love your writing, and work at it, and share it because it brings you joy, and you will get better at writing, and better at sharing, because this is art and life, and you have to practice. It's really fun to practice, though.
Thanks for stopping by!
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A few messages about self-defense
PART 1: Avoiding A Fight
In a recent Twitter thread, I explained in wide, general terms how to safely navigate your way through a fight. After an influx of DMs and comments, I decided to expand upon it here.
I am not attempting to glorify fighting. It is a brutal, ugly way of resolving (and creating more) problems. Sometimes, though, the fight comes to you, or you have to fight to prevent greater harm. It is for those instances that I'm writing this post.
Keep in mind I'm discussing empty-hand fighting here. Given the thousands of laws, restrictions, and so forth on weapons, any advice I might give could land you in serious hot water. This is about self-preservation, not risk-seeking.
A fistfight, once begun, is about focus and reflex. This isn't sabers, there are no rules. There is your goal, your obstacle, and your ability. Your first goal should be to avoid the fight entirely.
In fact, most fights end before they begin. This is the vastly preferred outcome. Sizing each other up, looking for support or opportunity, weighing whether coming to blows is worth it - these are important, necessary things. Furthermore, this is something you can train.
Training to avoid fights might sound weird, but it's vitally important. Everything we do on this planet is about resources, and your time and health are the most valuable of those. Why would you risk both getting into fights where a fight wasn't necessary?
Of course, there are those times where a fight comes to you - someone is looking for prey, and you'll do fine. They want your cash, or your fear, or your blood - regardless of the reason - and this is not something you can negotiate once the fight begins. There are steps you can take, habits you can adopt, to help avoid being that prey.
Before we dive in to this topic, I want to take a moment to make this perfectly clear:
While it is possible to make yourself a less-attractive target, if you have been attacked it is not your fault or responsibility. Do not feel guilty if someone has harmed you in the past. You're not the one to blame, the person who initiated the conflict is.
Ok? Ok.
How do you train to avoid a fight?
People get into fights when presented with a situation from which negotiation is not possible. If someone knows they can (or should) discuss something with you instead of going through you, a fight is less likely to occur.
People also get into fights when bullies (or worse) decide they're a suitable target. By appearing as a less-suitable choice for their prey, you can reduce the chance of being assaulted.
Training here is largely about awareness, poise, and thinking things through. This is the only part of fighting where thinking is valuable. Once the fight begins, you need to turn your brain off, so make sure you make good use of it before you do.
NEGOTIATION
You're walking from your job to your car. It's early evening, and while the shadows are long there's still plenty of light. It's a little chilly, so you have your collar up and are briskly moving, making a beeline for your car. You stop by your door, and fish in your pockets or bag for your keys. Suddenly, someone's looming over you and threatening you for your wallet.
Sounds like the fight's on? No, not yet.
Stop. Do not move anything, and don't try to get a good view of them now. Tell them where your wallet is. Ask if you can get it or if they want to. If it's in a bag, offer the bag after telling them the wallet's in there, and you can offer them the bag.
You're in the negotiation phase, here. Your job is to assess what they want, give it to them if feasible (it's almost always feasible), and get out safely. Keep talking, politely, unless you're told to stop.
You can use this time to remind your assailant that you are a person and want out of this tense situation just as badly as they do. Ask if you can keep your keys so you can get home. If you have important medicine, ask if you can keep that. Questions like these show you're complying and remind them you have an existence outside of your current interaction.
As someone who's been mugged a few times? Simply listening, responding, and complying has gotten me out of some scary situations. Did I lose my wallet? Yes. Did I walk away? Also, yes. That's the important part.
But unless you like giving wallets away, negotiating out of every fight isn't going to do you much good. So, let's take a step back and see what else we could have done?
RISK AWARENESS
You're about to walk from your job to your car. It's early evening, and while the shadows are long there's still plenty of light. You mention to Laura in the back office - she works nights - that you're heading out, and ask if she'll keep an eye from inside for a moment. Before you leave, you take your keys and put them in your hand, holding the key for your car door at the ready.
You step out, and while it's a little chilly, you keep your collar down and your hands otherwise free. You pause for a second as Laura waits at the door, and scan the parking lot. There's a large van next to your car, and Laura's car is two spots over. A few other cars in farther spots might belong to the other workers elsewhere in the strip mall.
You make note of the van, and if a plate is visible give it a glance. Keys in hand you walk to the opposite side of the car, open the door, and toss your bag in, still watching the area around your car and the nearby van. If someone suddenly moves towards you from anywhere, you've decided, you'll follow your bag in on the passenger side and lock the door behind you.
Nothing happens, so you walk around the front of the car, staying in view of Laura, unlock that door and get in, locking it immediately behind you. You start your engine, give Laura a wave of thanks, and head out.
In this instance, you made an effort to reduce risk. You identified potential sources of harm, reduced things that would limit your visibility, asked for a buddy, avoided entering potentially dangerous areas, made a plan, removed temptations, and so forth. Whoever was in the van took note of that, and decided that they'd have easier pickings elsewhere*.
So, what's a risk? It's a grim bit of study but the answer is 'potentially everything'. This isn't meant to engender paranoia, but acknowledging where harm might come from is situational, and might not apply to you in a given situation. In this situation, the unknown van beside your car would be a clear risk for anyone.
PRESENCE OF MIND
While risk assessment helped in the prior scenario, it's not always possible to scope out a situation before you enter it. In these cases, risk assessment is more of a background noise, a ping when you observe something that can increase danger - but in an unfamiliar location or situation, those pings are few and far between.
This is where we begin to familiarize ourselves with instinct and reflex. If I'm nervous about being somewhere, I might show it by rushing, or trying to avoid notice. Folks looking for targets will notice that.
So long as you aren't literally skulking in shadows, the best way to avoid being noticed is to act like you belong where you are. Walking for a pub? You've been here before, one hand reaching for the latch and the other loosely hanging from a thumb hooked into your pocket, a smile on your face.
An easy smile (and fabulous hair) isn't a ticket out, though. Presence of mind is more than masking to seem like one of the crowd. You still need to identify potential sources of risk, and rate them against your abilities. Let's walk back up to that pub.
You step out of your car in the parking lot, near enough to a streetlight that you won't be coming back to darkness. From here, it's navigation. Scan your eyes across your path a few paces ahead as you begin walking for the door. Notice traffic patterns. Are folks lining up to get in? Steer yourself to the line, don't bumble about.
The sidewalk is broken up ahead, and there's gravel next to the missing corner. That's a hazard, and one you can step around easily if you adjust your path early. The line's backing up along an alley. No worry, you can hang back and let someone fill the line ahead of you, then use them as a screen. Maybe even strike up a conversation if they seem friendly enough.
Glancing at your reflection in a window, you take note of who's standing behind and ahead of you as you adjust your collar. Does it all look ok? The guy in front of you might be a cop. There's the silhouette of cuffs in his jeans pocket. If trouble starts, you might want to keep him between yourself and the trouble. Of course, he might also be the trouble.
This constant observation, evaluation, and filing away is a mental exercise, and one you'll get better with over time. For my fellow ADHD / spectrum friends, it's something you probably do already.
When in unfamiliar places, you'll learn to do it quickly, quietly, without gawking, and while keeping your 'mask' up. Eventually it will become second nature, and as you physically train you'll begin to notice things that matter in hand-to-hand combat - others' stances, how they hold their hands or shoulders, etc.
Hope this helps for now. I'll be following up with another post in a day or two about the physical side of preparation. Take care of yourself out there.
Love, Dad.
*Unless you're planning on living the life of a vigilante, or enacting laws about pre-crime, the most upsetting thing about defending yourself and preventing assault is the knowledge that you might just be passing it down the line to someone who looks weaker. This is a societal ill, and does not fall within the scope of what I'm discussing here. We clearly do need more support at the street level to help people live lives where attacking others, for whatever reason, is not a valid option.
#fighting#hand-to-hand#confidence#presence of mind#awareness#risk assessment#negotiation#avoiding a fight#twitter cross-post
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i’m an american who’s wanted to go to this one british university for a long while now both because i really like the school and also because universities in canada and europe are much much cheaper even for international students than any american university, and oof man :( i’ve had mixed feelings about living in the uk for a while now, and it’s gotten worse in light of recent events, but also like! it’s not like i’d have to stay there after graduation, and i do think it’d be interesting to get to live somewhere that’s such a change of pace from the shitty southern suburbs i’ve grown up in. but at the same time i have this feeling of guilt over wanting to move to the uk despite current events and everything. you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want!!!! but as a bri’ish person, do you maybe have any words of advice?
Oooo ok ok this is cool and interesting, I'll try and give you some vague advice with the best of my capabilities but at the end of the day I'm just some guy yanno.
So first off I would say that I feel taking an opportunity to travel is always very cool, especially if it's for education purposes because you don't need to have the biggest long term goals there you can sort of just dip your toes into it. And as someone in uni I do currently have a handful of American friends on my course who have been very excited over just how drastically cheeper tuition fees and shit are over here.
I personally don't think you should need to feel guilty about wanting to come over here, I guess just make sure you're aware of like current events that are going on and weigh them up accordingly. Like politics seems to be wilding everywhere to some degree but it's about what sort of wilding you're signing up to. Like rn our main things are the 1) cost of living crisis, so a lot of bills and general energy costs are hella going up, alongside some other general prices like food shops and such, 2) the queen dying and ur new king, as you're not planning on coming right this second than that probably won't cause much of an issue for you but like yeah, this crazy ass monarchy is still kicking about and generally existing, and 3) Police crime sentencing and courts bill, which is basically a bill restricting certain areas of protest and giving the police more powers in restricting them. You can probably do your own deeper research into all those and other general stuff that I've missed out.
I hear a lot of news from the Guardian which isn't perfect but also isn't aggressively right wing (avoid the sun, and the daily mail yikes) also if you have instagram there's an account called uk fact check politics which posts a lot of breaking news and always sites their sources!! so you can have browses of that or some of the sites they are sourcing (warning though they do post quite a lot, if you plan on following, so you could also just browse a bit)
Overall main points:
Travelling is good and fun, adds to some experience in life, and is good to see how people may live differently outside of your bubble
Travelling for school makes a lot of sense, considering how expensive american tuition fees are, especially if you already like a school and specific course
Also means you don't need to be committed to live there long time but you will have to for a couple of years
I personally don't think you need to feel a guilt about wanting to come over here
Just research and be aware of the sort of political climate and situations that are going on here so you can weigh them up in your decision making and if you do decide to come here you won't just be ignorant to everything yanno
#ask box#that was a LONG one#but i hope i somewhat helped#i obviously can't speak for everyone#but like one of my friends wanted to go to america for studies and we all know you've got some shit kicking around over there#i think i might be leaning more on the ''sure come over here get some life experience (you can walk place here!!!)'' side#but yeah weigh it up i believe in you <3
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my much younger friend took T for a smaller period of time and de-transitioned when it didn't help her mental health, it did harm her singing voice permanently. she lost her upper range but didn't take it long enough to gain on the alto/tenor front, she cannot sing some of her own songs anymore. please don't dismiss what she went through, I hate that I was so casual in encouraging her to try this while knowing that she was a professional vocalist.
So, the thing about this is that T is not something that should be taken lightly. It should be something that the person taking it has thoroughly considered, understands, and has come to terms with.
And, I mean, I get it. Sometimes you don't know what you want until you try it and realize it isn't for you. Deciding that you don't vibe with the trans identity and de-transitioning is extremely valid, and it's okay to be disappointed with the results of taking hormones; it's okay to regret it. I would never claim that hormones are for everyone, or that hormones will give you your most ideal body, or that taking hormones makes you a better, more valid trans person. So, before you start taking hormones, it's extremely important to check in with yourself and figure out what your transition goals are, what the hormone could do to your body that you aren't fond of, and come to terms with the fact that, yes, taking hormones will permanently change you in many ways. Are you prepared for that? If things go sideways, will you resent yourself for trying anyway? If you aren't sure, you shouldn't rush into it no matter what the people around you are telling you to do.
HRT is a deeply personal decision, and I personally think it should be prefaced with a LOT of self reflection and self awareness. Under no circumstances should it be taken as a quick fix to underlying mental health issues, because that stuff doesn't just disappear because your body changes. Even dysphoria can persist through hormone therapy. And though hormones can be majorly beneficial & ease a lot of discomfort/distress if you're dysphoric about your gender presentation, HRT should not be the only treatment a dysphoric person should seek out. Mental health needs to be addressed, when possible, with a professional, with a healthy support system, and with a lot of hard personal internal work. Or as many of those things as the individual can manage. I'm sorry it has to be like this.
Also, is your friend's voice permanently harmed or permanently changed? Because there's a big difference there. Will she never be able to sing anything again? Has a professional told her that? Has a doctor looked at the state of her vocal chords? How long has it been since she stopped taking T? Has she tried training with her new voice to see if she can find a range that works for her? Can she sing nothing, or can she just not sing stuff she used to sing? Can she not make new songs of her own to sing with her new range? How young is she? AFAB voices don't finish changing until well into their mid/late-20s, maybe even later. So depending on how young your much younger friend is, her voice may have even more changes to go through, more richness to develop with time. Is her voice truly, honest to god harmed or does she feel that way because she's in the middle of processing grief & loss? The whole framing of this feels a little bad faith to me, tbh.
And like... not to be rude, but is it possible that you're feeling guilty about the encouragement you gave her and have projected dismissal of how serious a decision HRT is onto my post because you feel like you were dismissive at the time? A post which was largely meant for transmascs already pretty sure they want to go on T & need to hear about positive experiences -- and not a post that was written under the assumption that those transmascs will become one of the small percentage of people who choose to de-transition (which, again, super valid! but not what I was talking about, not who I was centering in that post). A post that can be summed up as, "There's nothing inherently bad about taking T, vocal drop is change not irreparable damage and singing skills can be rebuilt. Don't let TERF rhetoric scare you if you're under the impression that T will make you incapable of singing, just be prepared to say good bye to your current voice." I even included a whole paragraph expressing how it's okay & normal to have strong feelings about the changes, and how it's healthier and more responsible to seek out therapy or supportive peers.
So idk anon. I'm sorry your friend is (assumedly) having difficult emotions around her HRT experience. Maybe it would be good to seek out de-transition positivity posts to show her that she's not alone in her experiences and that it's okay that she went through a big change and came out different on the other side. That doesn't make her less worthy of expressing herself with her voice. That doesn't make her smaller or stupid or ruined or damaged. It just means that things are different. And maybe she just needs to know that there's a place for her, that even if everything you said is true about her voice being permanently harmed (again, I'm SO dubious of that claim, especially coming from a random anon) -- even if that was true, and that door was closed to her, there will be so much time for her to find new doors to open in her life, new ways to fit into the world, new passions or skills that she might not have thought possible before. Maybe she needs to hear that she isn't broken, and she didn't destroy her future. Maybe she needs to hear that it's okay if her expectations fall short, because honestly that happens a lot in life, and no one is fully in control of their future. Maybe she needs to know that it's okay that she is who she is, no matter what changes she went through or will go through.
Cheers anon
#there's something to be said about the intersection of this kind of talk and the way we view disability btw#also something to be said about capitalism and art and how we judge our worthiness of self expression on how profitable it is#also something to be said about the pressure put on people to transition in order to feel trans enough#how that can backfire and then the nuance be muddled and used against trans folks systemically#anyway detransitioning is not a tragedy#it is also just a change#detrans positivity#in the last paragraph at least#hrt#transgender#transmasc#detransition#testosterone#ask box#anon ask#more like anon criticism tbh
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Chapter 50
Scarabia arc has enter! Yay!
I see there some students who are planning on revenge and felt the glitter doesn't seem satisfactory. Well hope it doesn't turn into a Ruggie situation where he has to stay in Ramshackle.
The fact that Yuu found out the truth more than Azul disdained him really hard.
Nice that Yuu knows the truth but I'm sure it was an uncomfortable situation for him to watch Kalim getting killed by Jamil.
Azul putting a barrier is more of a safe situation instead of being waste knowing what Jamil did to the students as he hypnotize them.
Hope that Ramshackle story isn't involved with the djiin...or is it?
Also Azul meeting Leota meeting! I'm sure if this wasn't the situation he is in, he would have propose some ideas to Leota for business. Of course, Leota will likely reject it.
I see Azul needs his voice, I guess he needs to drink a lot of water or any medicines. Well the necklace is important factor but I hope none of them overblot...well maybe Kalim.
Learning that he is the descendant of the Sea Witch would be the happiest news but not knowing who the Sea Witch truly is will backfired him. I guess the tweels are right about him being related to him.
Azul: (The **** why you have to call him Tsunataro)
Azul and Yuu learning about the time travel seems to be a shocker to them.
So did Yuu only watch the Scarabia chapter? Okay, I laugh thinking he is watching someone play game play with the bad ending. I'm sure if it wasn't, he would be aware on the Octavinelle like how he shouldn't be grinning the day of Azul's overblot.
I'm sure it was frightened for Azul to witness Kalik being killed, I can tell he wants to hug him so badly. Causing more guilt after making things worst to everyone. I'm sure it is the same to Yuu knowing how dangerous the overblots but seeing the sight of Kalim got killed was a serious matter even more.
I'm sure in the previous timeline, Azul, Grimm, Yuu, and the even the tweels are horrified that Kalim was killed to the point they have to escape.
Azul will want to apologize to the tweels and everyone once he has the time to do so. Oh my a gentleman kiss, how sweet of you Jade.
Haha, Floyd being told about kiss and how frustrated that others did. I hope that Riddle and Floyd talk regarding what happened, I'm sure they need to since Floyd lied to him about some things with some understandable yet mistreated reasons.
Hahaha...kisses. Revenge on the kisses. Well fourth time goes.
Yep, no more vacation for Crowley. Sucks on that!
Isaiah really is a good temporary housewarden, I'm sure he will be a good one once VDC and the Styx incident comes.
Crowley without the vacation attire
Kalim: Somehow I feel awkward seeing you without it.
Kalim feeling guilty that more people will stay behind. Those three being brave souls not knowing the danger ahead.
Haahahah, Leona really doesn't want to listen on another annoying version. Who knows what songs Yuu will sing? Maybe Yuu should consider staying in Octavinelle.
Ba-bye Ruggie, at least your safe from the dangers ahead.
I want to see the true reason why Epel is staying and it has something to do with Grimm and Jack.
Someone mentioned that the Jamil he is talking is the previous timeline Jamil who has bitter personality filled with anger while the current Jamil is someone struggling yet is a bit free especially seeing the sight of Kalim's new potential.
I checked and Hamed Bobolonious is Jasmine's grandfather and with Jasmine's father being the second.
Jasmine being barely younger than him? I recalled she is 16, I reminded her on what Jafar did will give a more creepy vibes.
Jafar not wanting everyone to see his memories but shouldn't he care if Jamil knows now that he knows his goal is near.
Jamil confused on why Kalim wanted him to be free as Kalim could have execute or run away. Kalim is a such a good soul.
Shroud brothers ready for combat.
I love this arc so much, can't wait for suffering and peace! Mwahahahaha!
-🧋
Well unlike Leona, Jade and Floyd are actively protecting him so Azul will be fine! Also no the dorms history isn't directly linked to the djinn, it's just weaponized against him.
Yuu mostly watched the Scarabia and Octavinelle chapters since Heartslabyul and Savannaclaw were over already. It was already a lot to take him, for both of them.
Oh, the kisses, we're nowhere near done with Octavinelle and their disaster kisses!
Epel will have his own dedicated chapter so you'll have to wait until then for answers.
The reaction of the OG Scarabia OB squad is going to be a part of the side story, but yeah they were horrified.
It's funny to see Jamil interacting with the past or is it a what if? And for Jasmine's father I did add II at the end of name. Wonder were you found that info though? I'm impressed!
And yeah, be prepared for the pain and suffering! It's coming soon enough I promise!
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It's anon!
I have a weird question to ask (I'm sorry 😭)
What does "be yourself" or "be your true self" even mean? To be true to your personality?
But I mean....by default, some people have personalities where they are nice, then there people who are by default kinda mean (don't mean this in a bad way though), some people might be naturally manipulative kinda? Then some people like to gossip, etc. Some people might go to great lengths to achieve their personal goals even if it means dragging someone else down, or some people might not mean anything bad but still are selfish when it comes to things they want. Or people like a lot too.
What I mean is, by default, people have a lot of good and bad tendencies or habits, right? Some people might have more good ones and some might have more bad ones. But most people, do things like these some or other times, right?
But most importantly, what I've noticed is, many times, either people aren't much aware of their "bad" parts or they don't care about it much. Many people just accept most of their flaws or "negative" parts of their personality as a part of them maybe?
But what I mean is, is that a part of being true to ourselves too? Accepting our flaws (and by flaws I mean things like being selfish, and all other stuff I mentioned above) and being okay with them?
Of course, hurting someone who's close to us is not good and if we do make big mistakes that genuinely do hurt those we love, we should take accountability. But other than that, what does accepting ourselves even mean?
I've always been wondering about this honestly, especially since I started overthinking about the whole "do I deserve good" thing. Because I know a lot of people around me have lotttt of flaws but I don't mind.
What I mean is- some of them will easily get cancelled in today's social media culture because of things they say or believe in or even how they act lol
But I find myself to be completely okay with them. And I know most of us are okay with each other. Even if we don't relate or have common views on something, we still love each other nonetheless when it comes to a lot of stuff. (of course still my anxiety does make me question what if they knew about certain things I did that they don't know about watching that content etc. but that's a different topic)
What I want to say is....many times, as we spend more time with people, we might get to see many of their flaws too and their "toxic" traits. Of course, if it hurts us a lot then we should confront but if not, then in most cases, people just roll with it.
Or at least, that's how it's been in my experience. Like that younger cousin I told you about (the one I sometimes used to feel jealous of), I still love her and care about her. And we both are very similar in personality and we even talk about this. We both are often told that we have a natural tendency to influence others. I've heard a lot of people say this to me. And I'm pretty sure that there have been times where, without realising, I end up taking advantage of that trait of mine.
But recently, I've just been thinking about this. Some things that people always tell me I'm gifted with....like being able to influence others, or being able to kind of convince others, being a natural leader, etc. I know I have that "image" in front of a lot of people and even people who do know me tell me that while it might be something I do outside but still, apparently, I do have those traits.
Even I acknowledge I have it but recently, I've been feeling very guilty about having those traits. I mean....it's not my fault that I'm like that naturally, is it? But that makes me feel like I'm some manipulative person or something. Of course, I know I tend to be selfish but I also know I put peace and other's well being over mine a lot of times. So I know and want to believe I'm not all bad.
But I mean, the negatives that I do have....if those are a part of me then should I be accepting myself despite those flaws or bad traits?
It's like- we all say that we should be kind to others, be a good person, help those in need and all that stuff. And I agree with that and try to be kind too but still, I do have times where I act...not so much like a "good" person I guess. I end up doing something wrong out of my own selfishness sometimes too.
So am I supposed to change that part of myself? Do I become lovable or deserving of love, kindness, care only when I completely get rid of those bad tendencies I have?
This is hard to explain honestly. It's not like I'm asking for permission to do bad things on purpose but rather, it's like I've been wondering that even if in the moment, I end up doing those in the future (because I know I might), will that make me deserve any less?
It's like I've started expecting myself to be a perfect person morally speaking. Like if I get bothered by something/someone and catch myself acting petty for example, I'll feel bad and guilty for being petty. Things like that. Then I take it too far, worrying if that makes me a bad person.
I don't know how to say this properly. But it's like- I'm just a human, right? I know I shouldn't be expecting myself to be perfect. But the flaws and negative points I do know I have, should I be accepting them too?
When someone says "love yourself" does that mean loving ourselves despite having bad/wrong habits? Or does it mean, we should change those habits and then we can love ourselves? What if I choose to keep some flaws and not change those flaws in me? Then what? Does that make me less deserving?
I shared this with my sister and she said that most people, even after doing lots of wrongs, still won't wonder if those wrongs make them a bad person. Or if those wrongs make them undeserving of anything good. According to her, most people don't think that far but she said, it's just the way the world works. We should be kind where we can be but there might always be times where we end up acting petty, jealous, taking wrong actions because of our negative feelings/thoughts, being selfish, being a "hater" lol and still it can be fine according to her. She even asked me, "If I tell you about someone I dislike because of certain things and I talk about the person in a bad way in front of you, will you think I'm a bad person?" And honestly, my answer to that question was simply "I would never." Because I mean, regardless of the fact that her doing it is right or wrong, I still wouldn't think of her badly for it because I just love her like that. I feel I'm in it with her whether she's at her best or her worst.
By "being at her worst", I mean times where she acts or makes bad decisions (sometimes despite knowing better lol). Like if she does something that we can consider petty or toxic, that's her being not her best self. But even in that, I would love her and be on her side and I don't think having moments like that makes her a bad person. But does that make me a bad person?
I even have a cousin who's overall a nice person but he's homophobic and I don't agree with that aspect of him. I support the LGBTQ+ community but he doesn't but I still accept him and love him and don't really care about it. It's his opinion I guess but it's not a "good" thing to be a hater is it? But he is and I'm okay with it. Does that makes me a hypocrite?
Does accepting my loved ones even if they're a hater sometimes and even accepting myself even if I dislike something that I shouldn't dislike or if I like something I shouldn't like, does any of that make me a hypocrite? Does it make me a bad person?
What does it even mean to be unapologetically ourselves? To simply put it- even if I acknowledge certain bad traits or flaws in me and if I choose to not change them completely or get rid of them and be better than that, does that mean I'm not deserving?
It's like.....am I allowed to take up space even if I sometimes continue to let my flaws or bad feelings get the best of me? And while many times, I don't realise it if I do something wrong but there are some times where I might know it might be a wrong thing to do but I still end up doing it because I might want something, even worse when it involves other people (which many times, it does).
All these imperfections I have make me feel guilty and the fact that I still end up doing wrong some times despite being aware makes me sick of myself honestly.
I don't know.... it's just....the "be yourself and be unapologetic about it" thing makes me wonder if with all these flaws and imperfections, can I still continue to have them and still be myself and love myself? Or does the "be yourself" thing only apply to the "good" tendencies we have? Is it not supposed to be applied for the "bad" in us? I have soooo many imperfections so I feel guilty these days.
Or can we still take up space and be deserving and continue to be whatever we are, even if it's bad? Like bad to others at times? Then what? (That sounds wrong but I don't know how else to put it honestly)
Thank you so much for reading, as always!
Hey Anon,
To be yourself is to live authentically.
To live authentically means many things and is made up of so many layers, but I'll do my best to explain it. Being true to yourself means that yes, you are aware that you have healing to do because your experiences from your childhood have shaped you to being the person you are today. It's also realizing that these behaviours can be seen as more negative or toxic, even if they seem normal to you. It's realizing that you are not perfect and that you learn to forgive yourself for not knowing better than you do right now, but also learning to forgive those around you who shaped you into the person you are right now. It's knowing that you have negative flaws, accepting them, but also working towards bettering them and yourself to be a better human. It's also extending that same grace to the people around you because none of us will ever be able to achieve perfection, so it's okay.
It's about taking accountability for anything you may have done in the past or have done currently. It's knowing that you will still continue to mess up and have bad days, even though you know a lot of your mistakes and bad days are in the past.
It's also being able to love other people so much that you are willing to be the bad guy at times because you see them doing something toxic or harmful and you want them to stop. You're able to set boundaries and enforce them, even when it's really hard (which trust me, it can get really hard).
But I mean, the negatives that I do have….if those are a part of me then should I be accepting myself despite those flaws or bad traits?
Yes, you can accept your traits, but you can also be using them for GOOD as opposed to believing they're something bad. The power of influence can be used for good things instead of bad. These are gifts that we are given, but it all depends on how they are used.
I don't know how to say this properly. But it's like- I'm just a human, right? I know I shouldn't be expecting myself to be perfect. But the flaws and negative points I do know I have, should I be accepting them too?
When someone says "love yourself" does that mean loving ourselves despite having bad/wrong habits? Or does it mean, we should change those habits and then we can love ourselves? What if I choose to keep some flaws and not change those flaws in me? Then what? Does that make me less deserving?
Yes Anon, you are human and you'll never be perfect. In fact, no one is, not even the people you /think/ are perfect are actually perfect. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone has flaws and this is the one thing that should be connecting us instead of separating one another. Being able to love yourself, knowing that you're imperfect is definitely a good idea. No amount of hatred towards yourself will ever get you closer to perfection, but you can be gracious instead and accept yourself for being the human that you are. I think being in a growth mindset is what you should strive for so that you can continually work towards bettering yourself and all of your flaws. Of course you'll always have the ones that are harder to fix than others, but the pursuit of growing is never a bad idea. Also, your worthiness does not depend on your ability to overcome your bad flaws. Even those who are completely unaware and oblivious to their flaws are worthy of love. Love is never something that should be "earned".
Does accepting my loved ones even if they're a hater sometimes and even accepting myself even if I dislike something that I shouldn't dislike or if I like something I shouldn't like, does any of that make me a hypocrite? Does it make me a bad person?
No, not at all. I think way too many people are worried about being good or bad, but really it's all subjective because what I deem as good or bad is a lot different than most people or from what you may deem good or bad. It really all depends on your morals and values and not everyone will have the same ones. I think people are entitled to their opinions however, whether you agree with them or not or you want to believe it's hateful or not, but at the end of the day, they're all still worthy of being loved. This also includes yourself.
You'll learn as time goes on and as you gain more experiences in life and see what sorts of values and morals you start to align with more that you can use as a compass to guide you with what you know will be wrong or right. Just take solace knowing that whatever you do, whether it's objectively wrong or right, you'll find out eventually. You can't not live your life worrying about whether what you're doing is right or wrong and you somehow don't know it. Do your best and use your own judgment and intuition to gauge whether or not you think something is right or wrong, and don't be afraid to be wrong! Being wrong means an opportunity to learn what's right and to do better in the future :)
#ask#answered#anon#overthinking#anxiety#rumination#morals and values#live authentically#be authentic#self love#self forgiveness#self grace
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i thought i would be in a Better space when the guys come back but i haven't done anything. it's like when i try, my depression hits and it messes everything up. even now i want to be Productive but i fall out of the fake motivation i try and get and back into sulking that my life is not how i want it to be, all the while having to be around people who actually have lives. they're about to start a family, theyre going on exotic trips, they have new chapters in their lives and i kid u not im still where im at 10 yrs ago. sad, depressed and nothing more than a homebody that has nothing going on for them. to the point i dont even want to hang out with these ppl anymore, i just feel so Bad around them. it doesnt help they kinda acknowledge i have nothing going on besides bts :( esp with yoongi leaving now and he was/is my main source of comfort and i feel like im never going to be able to walk through that closed door like he did. it feels so far away
first of all thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me, i appreciate you trusting me 💞
i'm so sorry that you feel that way sweetheart, but i think it's also something you shouldn't feel guilty for, or to blame yourself for. when depression is around it disturbs our sense of time and so many other things in our life, and it's not because "you aren't being good enough" or "trying your best". you are, you are trying your best and being good enough, even more than that, you have to acknowledge that you are giving out everything you are able to AT THE MOMENT. you have to be nicer to yourself, love, you have to be understanding to yourself as well, because no human is an emotionless machine designed to work and achieve, and nothing else, life is not about that.
i know many people have set a goal for themselves after the announcement of hiatus from BTS, we all probably felt "yes, this is the time for me to get my shit together", and this has put a really giant pressure on us all, which immediately causes stress and our bodies shut down, which mixed with the pain of the boys not being around anymore, made a whole mess we now need to deal with. even though we technically know they WILL be back soon - after years of being used to their constant presence, having it taken away in such a short time could have cause a simple shock to our bodies. now look at this situation as you would look at someone grieving, you know that they would need A LOT of time to work through their pain and sorrow, you wouldn't expect them to move on very fast. when someone we love, care for, depend on when it comes to our comfort and well being, just leaves - no matter the situation or reason - we just feel worse, and that's normal.
you could look at your life from a different perspective, but what i want you to do first is to stop comparing your life to others, this can really destroy every last good thought you have about yourself, so please, don't think of yourself by placing yourself in the shoes of other people, because everyone is different, everyone goes through different things and deals with the same things differently. that doesn't mean someone is better or worse, baby. you have to give yourself time, to give yourself a chance. another advice i have is that you should definitely drop the deadline you hope to reach your goal (in this situation 2025, when the boys comeback). that causes a lot of stress you might not even be aware of and you're focused on just getting to your goal as fast as possible and not actually gaining something valuable from it, when you focus on "WHAT" instead of "WHEN" you will notice that your effort and work you put into getting better will actually start making you feel different. you have to break your pattern and try to be completely alone with yourself for some time, to get to know yourself better, to find out who you are and what you want to do, exactly, because maybe you're not moving forward because you aren't sure of what you exactly want? so please, give yourself that chance. life is not only about constant achievements, of experiencing events that cause intense emotions, of trying to be the best. it's also about being alone too, and feeling good while being in that state, that is what's the most important to be honest ❤️
don't do things you don't feel good about, don't force yourself to reach expectations that OTHER people have set for THEMSELVES, you have to set your own, step by step, even if it means that your first step to feeling better means trying to develop a new routine that will make YOU feel better. your own door are waiting for you, and you have to remember how much yoongi went through to get to the point to where he is now, while also being a wonderful person, and i'm sure that you are just like him too ❤️
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the inquisition of princess visenya targaryen.
the princess is clearly disgruntled on arrival, her eyes are dark as she beholds the royal family and the small council, but she bows her head stiffly as a sign of respect. she crosses her arms as she stands before house martell. despite keeping her expression neutral, her heart is beating quite fast. visenya tightens her arms around herself in order to stop herself from fidgeting nervously.
when did you arrive in sunspear ?
“some weeks ago with the rest of my family. i do not recall the specific date, i just show up when they tell me to. i am sure some in our travelling party can provide you with more information if you need specifics.”
what were you doing the day of the wedding ?
“i took a ride in the morning, ate breakfast and then spent the rest of the day in my chambers getting ready with my ladies-in-waiting before i attended the lovely wedding.”
did you leave the festivities at any point during the ceremony or reception ? where did you go ?
“yes, i returned to my chambers as i started to feel sick. i did drink a bit too much of your dornish wine as i’m sure some of the attendees will tell you.”
did you return ?
“no, i fell asleep.”
did you see anyone leave ?
“no, i was a bit busy trying not to hurl in front of everybody in the hall ― and i’m a big believer in minding my own business, so i don’t make a habit of noting people’s movements.”
what were you doing when the fire began ? what did you do in response ?
“sleeping soundly in my chambers.”
where do you think the fire started ? do you have any ideas on who might have started it or how they might have gotten in ?
“i have no idea, but it must have been something highly flammable for it to spread that quick. surely it is the work of the dornish people unhappy with their new crown princess? i understand they wanted prince ryon to marry within dorne. if there is unrest within dorne, the people are capable of doing great damage as house targaryen learned many years ago.”
do you know any of the victims of the fire personally ? do you suspect any foul play ? would anyone wish to see them harmed ?
“yes, lady ranida fowler was a friend of mine. of course i suspect foul play considering the threats made beforehand. fire is not easily controlled. i believe the guilty wanted to cause chaos or kill as many of us as possible. it strikes me as strange if they managed to target specific people with fire.”
who do you think the targets of the attacks and fire were ? do you think some were used as a smoke screen ?
“i would not know. like i said then i believe the goal was to cause chaos, but considering the recent revelation then perhaps i’m wrong.”
what were you doing yesterday morning ? ( the day of the murder ) did you see or hear anything unusual throughout the day ?
“i ate breakfast, took a ride through the city as i always do and then went back to my chambers ― as i have already told you.”
what do you know about the recent murder ? are you aware of the victim or who might have desired them dead ? do you think the victim is tied to anyone in sunspear ?
“i do not even know who the victim is. i was told there had been a murder and that is all i know. i would be happy to tell you my thoughts if you tell me who is dead.”
are there any houses of people you suspect may have any involvement in these attacks ? are you suspicious of anyone ?
“i suspect you should take a closer look within your own borders if your people are unhappy with princess denyse. but i cannot imagine any houses present at the wedding would be involved. like i said then fire is highly unpredictable, why would they risk putting themselves, or their house, in harm’s way? my own sibling was injured. house targaryen is in no way involved with this.”
have you seen or heard anything that could be of use to the crown at this time ?
do you have anything else you’d like to share ?
“no, i’ve mainly been staying in my chambers. i do not think you will find my complaints relevant, so i suggest we are done now unless you have other burning questions to ask me.”
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When Nothing Else Matters
When I receive messages like 67-374 it makes me incredibly sad and furious at how low regard and little respect you must have for my integrity and honor. Slandering me publicly or openly laughing at my hardships is painful but at a tolerable level of degradation because I am assuming that your intent is to sway public interest to your opinion of me (which doesn’t really bother me as I’ve always felt that once anyone gets to know me they will see the truth). This is the same reason why sliding me a “secret note” (essentially) to remind this stupid mongrel of a man not to forget about his kids (because I am clearly such a stupid sex-crazed deviant that I’ve probably forgotten all about them) is such anathema to me. I do not say this to upset or offend by any means, “But, why, or perhaps how, is the one in charge of guiding me through this escapade so ignorant of how I honestly feel or what I truly think? Yes, I am aware of your machinations in play, and yes, sometimes I choose to ignore them, because we are NOT 1N SYNCHRONICITY with each others goals. Our alignment is off and I believe this to be the true heart of why neither of us is able to achieve success.
For clarity, my primary motivatation is neither sex nor money — ever. Are they nice or enjoyable things to have? Of course, everybody thinks that way; that’s like laying claim to brownies as being your secret guilty pleasure. NO, everybody loves brownies. you can’t say, “they’re kinda my thing!” I believe I have said before, “If you want to know somebody’s motivation or intent, asking them is probably the quickest way to understanding. But, since no one is asking: (here’s a list my prioritized values at any typical time of day or night)
1. The safety and security of those I care about.
2. My own safety and security.
3. The happiness of those I care about.
4. The safety and security of complete strangers.
5. The happiness of complete strangers.
6. The safety and security of the world in general.
7. My own happiness.
As you can see, that which you consider to be my main focus at all times (ie. sex, drugs, and cash)I would actually categorize as my least important. So, shall we start over? I’m going to get some food and head home. I have a lot of work to do towards #’s 1 & 3! Sometimes you know me better than I know myself, but sometimes it feels like you don’t know me at all… I miss my old handler. I’m sorry, it just feels different now. If you are different, than maybe we should just slow things down a little so we can better get to know each other. But, if you are the same as you’ve always been, then perhaps I have changed. That scares me. If so, I apologize to you first and to make amends I will work harder despite whomsoever is behind the wheel to be aware of your guidance. If I have changed then it has been an evolution based on my survival enduring this current distress and trauma and I am not sure that anything wrought upon me from this HΞLL is a thing I would desire. I don’t mean to complain, and I do not seek to undermine your goals. If this is to be a journey of a lifetime, then all irrelevancies may be taken in stride, but if you do have an established timeline within your itinerary, it would stand to top logic that the best odds of success shall lie within teamwork making dreams work. Thank you.
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How To Maintain A Healthy Weight After Gastric Sleeve Surgery?
Gastric sleeve surgery is an effective way to lose weight and maintain a healthy weight. The procedure has been shown to help people achieve long-term weight loss, but it's important to understand how lifestyle changes can impact your body after gastric sleeve weight loss surgery in Melbourne. Here are some key tips for maintaining a healthy post-sleeve diet:
Be Aware of Food Portions
When you're trying to maintain a healthy weight after gastric sleeve surgery, portion size is the key. It's important that you learn how much food portions should look like so that you can keep your calories low and still feel satisfied.
There are two main ways of measuring food portions: using your hand or using an app. Some people like doing it one way, while others prefer the other. Whichever method you choose, it's crucial that you measure your portions every time before eating—and this is true even if you're making something homemade!
If a recipe calls for 1 cup of spaghetti sauce and 1/2 cup of meatballs, don't eyeball those measurements; always use measuring cups or spoons to be sure that what comes out will be consistent with what went in (and thus avoid overeating).
If using measuring cups feels too tedious for everyday life, try downloading an app designed specifically for tracking meals post-surgery—or consider getting an inexpensive kitchen scale (these usually cost around $20).
Consider Using an App to Measure Calories
As you work to maintain your weight, it's important to keep in mind that calories are more important than weight loss. A weight loss of 1–2 pounds per week is safe and healthy. Someone who loses more than this on average is likely losing muscle mass as well as fat, which can cause them to look thin but still be overweight or obese.
You may find that using an app to track calories can help you maintain a healthy weight after gastric sleeve surgery.
There are many free apps available that allow you to enter the food items you eat into a database and calculate its caloric content based on its nutritional information. They also allow for tracking of exercise, water intake, and other factors related to your health and lifestyle choices.
Don't Let Emotions Influence Your Eating Habits
After gastric sleeve surgery, you’re going to find that it is harder to satisfy your hunger and cravings. You will want to make sure that the food you eat is healthy and not just a substitute for emotional eating.
Don't Let Emotions Influence Your Eating Habits:
Don't eat when you are stressed or angry - People often turn to food as a way of coping with negative emotions such as stress or anger. This can result in weight gain because the person does not learn how to deal with these emotions appropriately. If you feel like eating when stressed or angry, try doing something else such as taking a walk or watching television instead of eating so much food!
Don't eat because of peer pressure - It's common for people who have had bariatric surgery like gastric sleeve surgery (and other types) to experience social pressure from their friends and family members who may ask them why they don't want any cake at their birthday party when everyone else gets some! This type of social pressure is difficult but if it happens try explaining why without feeling guilty about what others think about this situation."
Include Fiber in Your Diet but be Careful with It at the Same Time
Fiber is an important part of any diet. You can find it in vegetables, fruit and whole grains. Most people need to eat more fiber than they do today and the goal of our patients after surgery is to get at least 30 grams a day. The problem for some people that have had gastric sleeve surgery is that they may not tolerate fiber well after their procedure.
The best way to increase your fiber intake if you are having issues with it is by increasing your soluble fiber intake but reducing insoluble fiber intake (bran). This will help with bloating and gas production which are common side effects of taking too much insoluble fiber.
If this does not work then try changing the type of insoluble or soluble fibers that you take in daily so that you can find one that works better for your body after gastric sleeve surgery in Melbourne.
Conclusion
If you’ve had gastric sleeve surgery, it might seem like a lot of work to maintain a healthy weight. But the good news is that it doesn’t have to be difficult!
By avoiding emotional eating and keeping your portion sizes in check, you can easily avoid weight gain after your surgery. And don’t forget about fiber—it will help keep things moving along smoothly inside your body so that all those nutrients stay where they belong: inside!
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How to Find the Best Criminal Law Solicitor For Your Case
If you’ve been accused of a crime, you may be wondering who to turn to for legal assistance. Depending on your case and location, there may be a number of criminal Lawyers Near Me solicitors available to you. But which one is the best for you? To help you find the best solicitor for your specific needs, we’ve put together this guide. In it, you’ll learn about the different types of solicitors and how to choose the right one for your case. Once you have chosen a solicitor, be sure to stay in communication with them throughout your case so that they can keep you updated on progress and potential changes.
What to look for in a criminal law solicitor
When you are considering a criminal law solicitor, there are a few key factors you should be aware of. First and foremost, you will want to make sure the solicitor has experience in your specific case type. This can include anything from white-collar crimes to sex crimes. Additionally, it is important to find a solicitor who is knowledgeable and experienced in criminal law proceedings. Finally, always check references and reviews before choosing a lawyer.
How to find the right criminal law solicitor for your case
There are many factors to consider when choosing a criminal law solicitor. The most important factor is the lawyer's experience and qualifications. To find the best criminal law solicitor for your case, look for a qualified lawyer with experience in your specific area of law. You can also ask friends or family members who have used a legal professional for advice. Additionally, you can read online reviews or check ratings websites to find an attorney with positive feedback. When interviewing lawyers, be sure to ask about their experience representing clients charged with crimes, as well as their qualifications. Finally, consider budget constraints when selecting a criminal law solicitor. Not all lawyers are willing to take on cases that require expensive litigation tactics or specialized expertise.
How to negotiate with a criminal law solicitor
When it comes to negotiating a criminal case, you need someone on your side who is familiar with the system and knows how to get the best possible outcome for you. This means finding a criminal law solicitor who is experienced in cases like yours and who will be able to help you navigate the court process and get the best possible settlement for yourself.
One of the first things you'll want to do is identify your goals for the case. Do you just want an acquittal? A guilty plea? A punishment that fits the crime? Once you have a clear idea of what you're looking for, it's time to start narrowing down your options.
Next, it's important to get a sense of how experienced your solicitor is. Does he or she have experience in handling cases like yours? Are they well-known in the legal community? If not, does this person have any connections that could help them find similar cases? And finally, how much does this lawyer charge per hour? These are all important factors when deciding who to hire.
Once you've narrowed down your list of potential solicitors, it's time to meet with them in person. This will give you a better sense of their skills and personality as well as whether or not they would be a good fit for your case. Be prepared to answer any questions they may have and make sure to schedule a consultation ASAP so that everything is on track from start to finish.
No one wants their criminal case to
What to do if you can't agree with the solicitor
If you can't agree with the solicitor, there are steps you can take to find a new solicitor. Here are some tips:
1. Talk to other clients. Ask them which solicitor they used and what their experience was.
2. Contact the Law Society of England and Wales. They may be able to recommend a different solicitor for you.
3. Look online. There are many directories of criminal solicitors that you can search online.
4. Try talking to your Bankruptcy Attorney in a constructive way about the case and see if they will change their position or advise you on another course of action.
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Generation mindful
#Generation mindful how to#
This can also make this stage rife with conflict and tantrums and challenge all the things you said you'd never do as a parent. A person with opinions (all the opinions), quirks and thoughts on how and when things should be done. The magic of the toddler stage is watching your baby transform into their own person. And once we get clear about what we can and cannot do and where our power lives, we can light a fire under transformation and things that were really really hard yesterday can magically feel easy one day later." On teaching kids to name their emotions You cannot control or make your kids, someone they're not. It lives in your thoughts, your words, and your actions. Says Tucker, this particular brand of self-awareness "brings you back to where your power lives." "Your power does not live over changing who your child is.
#Generation mindful how to#
More than figuring out how to get your little one to fall in line, it's about understanding why this particular situation pushes your buttons and how you can manage your own emotions through the frustration. Whether it's a regular bedtime battle, daily struggles with picky eating habits, or getting out the door on time, at one time or another every parent finds themselves completely stressed out about an ongoing challenge. We are working towards present, not perfect, and we are working towards connection over control." On understanding where your power lives And you can do something different, but not if you're busy beating yourself up and feeling guilty. I noticed I'm yelling and then you take a deep breath. If you notice you're yelling and you pause- and this is gonna, this is going to freak you out-but you celebrate. You can actually be yelling at your child and be mindful. It's the super highway to personal growth and you can be doing a dance party. By her definition, "mindfulness is being present to the moment with joy and ease." "Motherhood is like being on the highway. Tucker, however, lays it out in the most validating and real way I've ever heard. I've declared myself something of a mindfulness failure because I've thought that being cool, calm and collected at every turn was the goal. Here are some of my favorite takeaways: On mindfulnessįull disclosure: I taught yoga for over a decade and still bristle at what I've always thought of as "mindfulness." I've always struggled with being still and present, especially when I'm frustrated or challenged. (Even now that the kid who bit my butt is only five inches shorter than the average NBA player.) I may not have toddlers any longer but what I've learned from listening to the episode is still incredibly applicable. Her approach to navigating tantrums, and teaching both kids and parents to name and manage emotions is one that any caregiver can benefit from. Tucker is a positive parenting educator and the founder of Generation Mindful, a line of practical play-based tools and toys and a supportive parenting community. On a recent episode of The Motherly Podcast, Liz Tenety spoke with Suzanne Tucker. We're learning to manage our emotions so that we can teach our children how to manage theirs. Sure, there's the part where we raise good humans, but at the core of it, we're working on ourselves. Am I trying to do better? Always.Īnd that's what this parenting gig is all about. It was twelve years ago and I'm still making mistakes, managing the best I can at the moment and applying lessons learned for the next time. It was the best I could manage at the moment, and from that point forward, I vowed to do better. I admit it was not one of my finer parenting moments. There was definitely a very forceful slam of a car door and a momentary contemplation of dropping the kid off at the fire station and speeding off into the sunset. In fact, in this scenario, there was yelling (once we got outside). I may have given birth to two humans, but that fact alone doesn't flip a switch that magically turns me into someone who can be bitten on the rear at a gourmet grocery store by one of those humans (who was denied a cookie) and respond with grace. Even before words like virtual school, pandemic and social distancing became part of our daily lexicon, being a present and patient parent has been a tall order.
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