my much younger friend took T for a smaller period of time and de-transitioned when it didn't help her mental health, it did harm her singing voice permanently. she lost her upper range but didn't take it long enough to gain on the alto/tenor front, she cannot sing some of her own songs anymore. please don't dismiss what she went through, I hate that I was so casual in encouraging her to try this while knowing that she was a professional vocalist.

So, the thing about this is that T is not something that should be taken lightly. It should be something that the person taking it has thoroughly considered, understands, and has come to terms with.

And, I mean, I get it. Sometimes you don't know what you want until you try it and realize it isn't for you. Deciding that you don't vibe with the trans identity and de-transitioning is extremely valid, and it's okay to be disappointed with the results of taking hormones; it's okay to regret it. I would never claim that hormones are for everyone, or that hormones will give you your most ideal body, or that taking hormones makes you a better, more valid trans person. So, before you start taking hormones, it's extremely important to check in with yourself and figure out what your transition goals are, what the hormone could do to your body that you aren't fond of, and come to terms with the fact that, yes, taking hormones will permanently change you in many ways. Are you prepared for that? If things go sideways, will you resent yourself for trying anyway? If you aren't sure, you shouldn't rush into it no matter what the people around you are telling you to do.

HRT is a deeply personal decision, and I personally think it should be prefaced with a LOT of self reflection and self awareness. Under no circumstances should it be taken as a quick fix to underlying mental health issues, because that stuff doesn't just disappear because your body changes. Even dysphoria can persist through hormone therapy. And though hormones can be majorly beneficial & ease a lot of discomfort/distress if you're dysphoric about your gender presentation, HRT should not be the only treatment a dysphoric person should seek out. Mental health needs to be addressed, when possible, with a professional, with a healthy support system, and with a lot of hard personal internal work. Or as many of those things as the individual can manage. I'm sorry it has to be like this.

Also, is your friend's voice permanently harmed or permanently changed? Because there's a big difference there. Will she never be able to sing anything again? Has a professional told her that? Has a doctor looked at the state of her vocal chords? How long has it been since she stopped taking T? Has she tried training with her new voice to see if she can find a range that works for her? Can she sing nothing, or can she just not sing stuff she used to sing? Can she not make new songs of her own to sing with her new range? How young is she? AFAB voices don't finish changing until well into their mid/late-20s, maybe even later. So depending on how young your much younger friend is, her voice may have even more changes to go through, more richness to develop with time. Is her voice truly, honest to god harmed or does she feel that way because she's in the middle of processing grief & loss? The whole framing of this feels a little bad faith to me, tbh.

And like... not to be rude, but is it possible that you're feeling guilty about the encouragement you gave her and have projected dismissal of how serious a decision HRT is onto my post because you feel like you were dismissive at the time? A post which was largely meant for transmascs already pretty sure they want to go on T & need to hear about positive experiences -- and not a post that was written under the assumption that those transmascs will become one of the small percentage of people who choose to de-transition (which, again, super valid! but not what I was talking about, not who I was centering in that post). A post that can be summed up as, "There's nothing inherently bad about taking T, vocal drop is change not irreparable damage and singing skills can be rebuilt. Don't let TERF rhetoric scare you if you're under the impression that T will make you incapable of singing, just be prepared to say good bye to your current voice." I even included a whole paragraph expressing how it's okay & normal to have strong feelings about the changes, and how it's healthier and more responsible to seek out therapy or supportive peers.

So idk anon. I'm sorry your friend is (assumedly) having difficult emotions around her HRT experience. Maybe it would be good to seek out de-transition positivity posts to show her that she's not alone in her experiences and that it's okay that she went through a big change and came out different on the other side. That doesn't make her less worthy of expressing herself with her voice. That doesn't make her smaller or stupid or ruined or damaged. It just means that things are different. And maybe she just needs to know that there's a place for her, that even if everything you said is true about her voice being permanently harmed (again, I'm SO dubious of that claim, especially coming from a random anon) -- even if that was true, and that door was closed to her, there will be so much time for her to find new doors to open in her life, new ways to fit into the world, new passions or skills that she might not have thought possible before. Maybe she needs to hear that she isn't broken, and she didn't destroy her future. Maybe she needs to hear that it's okay if her expectations fall short, because honestly that happens a lot in life, and no one is fully in control of their future. Maybe she needs to know that it's okay that she is who she is, no matter what changes she went through or will go through.

Cheers anon

limiting any kind of trans healthcare is always a tragedy, but I get especially riled up when people say they want to limit puberty blockers or physical transitioning for mature teens/young adults "out of concern they'll regret it." maybe stuff like hormones or surgery isn't right for every single young trans person, but that doesn't mean the option should be taken away from them! Every trans person and their situation is unique. Hopefully all young trans people have strong support systems that can help them figure out the best path forward while respecting their agency. We should absolutely encourage the idea that one doesn't have to physically transition (or want to) to identify as trans, but if an informed young person of age really wants to transition, then let them goddammit! It's their body, and physical transitioning is considered the most effective treatment for gender dysphoria for the trans people who really *want* those physical changes. Of course a small amount will regret it, but there's usually complicated (often societal) factors involved and taking the risk usually leads to a better outcome. I think what conservatives and radfems don't get is that they have a hard time empathizing with people who have physically transitioned and *don't* regret it, because they are only thinking of how if they themselves were given hormones or surgery, that they *would* regret it... but that's usually because they aren't trans or aren't the kind that would really want those physical changes!!! They are ignoring that their experiences are not universal. They are so afraid that young people might be "manipulated" into physically transitioning because of gender non-conformance or stereotypes, but that's just like, transmed-esque logic that we need to push back against anyways! There's a whole wider world of trans people/allies who don't give a shit about gender stereotypes or gender conformance and just want others to feel comfortable in their bodies and lives, cis or trans or nonbinary or whatever! Who want detransitioning to be destigmatized. Who are perfectly fine with people who identify as a "binary" gender and nonbinary at the same time, or as agender, or as just cis and gnc, etc... who think gender affirming care can be for trans AND cis people, and that no one should feel pressured into it! Stand with these people and values!!!

the point is, trans healthcare is a very nuanced process, and we shouldn't put limits on potentially life saving options for a vulnerable group of people because of reactionary fear and black & white blanket thinking. that would border on fascism.

I know we already know that TERF rhetoric largely just... isn't remotely feminist in many respects, but I just want to highlight a particular piece of inconsistency that has been infuriating me for a while now.

A lot of the current rhetoric against trans men is masked as "concern for women." Which, yeah, bad enough itself. But what things are they really so worried about?

"You're mutilating your body." "Testosterone will make you infertile." "If you detransition, you'll be ugly." "You won't be able to breastfeed."

Y'all say you're trying to fight gender norms and liberate women, and then you turn around and act like the worst possible things that could happen to a woman are... infertility, a mastectomy, or being hairy? Are you seriously shitting me right now?

The implications that this has for their attitudes towards cis women are appalling. Apparently the worst tragedies that can happen in a woman's life are that she doesn't fit patriarchal standards of womanhood well enough!

Like, let's just pretend, just for a second, that they were right, and in a few years there are going to be thousands of people realizing they weren't trans after all and wanting to detransition. So you've got a bunch of women who've had mastectomies or hysterectomies, developed facial hair, or (inaccurate as the claim is) become infertile due to taking T.

So. Fucking. What?

Are y'all just going with, "They're all horribly mutilated freaks who will never be happy as women again"???

In what bass-ackwards world does that attitude have any kind of feminist basis?

Like, they're wrong anyways, right? We all knew that. We all know that they aren't actually concerned about the well-being of young women. They're just terrified of trans people and willing to say anything to get rid of us. But holy shit, the level of bald-faced hypocrisy here just makes me want to scream.

Hey buddy. You look the same in both pics, BUT you shouldn't want to look different anyway. It's a good thing you weren't altered too severely, honestly. I'm sorry the pharmaceutical/biomedical industry was able to penetrate your psyche so deeply that you started to believe you needed to change yourself. It really is a tragedy that you couldn't see the perfection in yourself that was there all along (regardless of gender). Blinded and brainwashed, and then physically altered by a system that wants you dead... I'm truly sorry this happened to you and so many others.

Hi so I wasn’t going to answer this. I get asks like this on anon a lot and it’s best to just delete and ignore. But since this is my one year on t I’m going make an acception this once and talk about my transness

First thing I will address is that, yes! My face has not changed much yet. One year on hrt isn’t much time for any real big faces changes. But in terms of other parts of my body I have had major changes, lots of body hair, 2.5 inches of bottom growth, loss of breast tissue, and lots of emotional changes as well.

Next thing I’ll get into is my personal story. Not to be the stereotypical ‘I always knew’. But I did always feel an out of place feeling I struggle to explain to others. This will be an extreme over simplification of my story but here we go. This feeling was always placated by expressing myself as male. When I was in grade school I’d wear boys underwear and clothes only, and would often stuff the crotch with my socks. Entering middle school I’d have days where I would duct tape my chest, go to school and tell everyone ‘I’m a boy today.’ And this was all before I knew what being trans was.

When I was around 13/14 I started to learn about being trans and spent a little time toying with possible ways to explain how I felt. Until I came to realize I was trans. I came out to everyone, switched schools so no one would know my birth name, and just completely socially transitioned. Unfortunately when I was 16/17 I went through very bad trauma and mental health issues, so due to many reasons I don’t feel comfortable getting into I decided to detransition. It was a totally humiliating process and sent me into the deepest depression of my life.

I spent the next 3.5 years trying to make up for lost time learning how adult women should act. I over compensated and over feminized and made myself miserable constantly. I was in the hospital for suicide attempts 2-4 times a year. It was such a deep dark time for me. As time passed and I allowed myself to start getting better and process everything, I realized I am still trans and always was. I ended my relationship I had been in for 2.5 years and moved across the country so I could start my hormones and be the person in my soul I always saw myself as.

And now in this last year I have BLOSSOMED!!! I have found my love for life, God, and myself again. I love my body more than I ever have, every time I see a new change closer to my goal it’s like a total head high. It’s like in finally allowing myself to do this and be myself, I’ve been totally set free.

I know this is super long winded and rambly. I just never plan on explaining any of this in detail on here again so I’m getting it all down. But basically, I’ve known I’ve been trans for almost 10 years, I’ve been to gender specific therapy on top dbt, cbt, and trauma processing. This wasn’t some crazy rush choice I made cos of a discord convo, this was me finally getting to do what everyone tried to stop me from my whole life. There’s no secret pharmaceutical man pushing hormones on me, I was self medicating my t for my first 5 months. There’s no groomer lurking behind me, I’m a grown man who can make his own choices.