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im2tired4usernames · 4 months

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@oceanlaceagate

Well ok you asked for explaining so I'm so sorry about the rant that's bound to happen I have beef with this woman like many many MANY homeschool co-op mothers I would like to meet her IN THE PIT

uh I guess trigger warning possibly would be like food diets and possibly eating disorders I'm not sure but I would rather be safe then accidentally harm you friend?

my mother was a crunchy homeschool nutter and her entire social group was crazy homeschool mom cultists.They were all obsessed with clean godly eating and losing weight they constantly kept repeating that they needed to treat their bodies like temples and it really wasn't healthy or good for so many reasons.

well one of the women in that group for as long as i can remember (I've know this lady since I was a lil kid) she believes it's impossible for European women to get fat because of *spins the wheel*

She just has some fucked up made up facts about Europe in general like WARNING SHE'S ACTUALLY ON PURPOSE STUPID

like she has for as long as I can remember believed with E V E R Y FIBER in her body (i have argued so much with her she will not budge in her world this is fact) no one once they hit preteens in france eats bread.

France home of the croissant, baguette and many other carbs bready bakery wonders...

Yeah no one there eats bread that is why French women are so thin and healthy they don't eat bread or any kind of sweets! (She and my mom then tried to make me do that for a bit they were always "suggesting" diets on me it sucked in expecting the thm diet and the melted butter+coffee+ apple cider vinegar diet to have fucked up my body somehow)

Apartly in her world no one in Ireland uses any kind of fat when I asked her to explain wtf that meant she said no one in Ireland uses oil or butter which like..

No that makes no sense where did she even come up with that?!I

Once I took a picture of like some fancy imported butter from Ireland at the store to show her and she and the other moms all straight up walked away and would not look at it. They would not talk to me kept actually doin the "talk to the hand" thing and covering their ears and telling me I'm wrong and stupid and to shut up they will not look at the evidence.

This woman is in her late forties to early fifties she has convinced half the homeschool mother cult that no one in France eats bread with no evidence other then she said so!!!!!

They honest to God believe it also!!!!

Recently she was trying to tell me that no one in the UK eats chicken that it's "looked down on as a disgusting poor man's food" she just went on n on on this long crazy rant that made no sense at all but she acted like she was very intelligent and cultured for knowing this.

My best friend and wife is from the UK and frankly i quickly asked them and they were able to point out this lady is just batshit insane.

Like my wife mentioned there's Nandos everywhere in the UK and that serves chicken mainly I have no clue where she's getting her info or ideas.

She got super angry amd defensive and has gone off saying she has two sources "two very reliable very real and very British people who totally aren't made up there her real Facebook friends that told her yup no one in the uk eats chicken only the USA makes fried chicken poor England is missing out on chicken because they're a bunch of snobs who think it's poor people food" so that's what she believes despite a lot of common sense and evidence to prove otherwise but "how dare I question an elder?!'

I really can't explain it like there's no logic or facts in it I myself don't understand it? I have gotten into many fights with this women.

So many fight

so so so many fights

Stupid amounts of fights

not just over this but like over everything under the sun I swear this woman is living a different reality then everyone else.

she just makes stuff up on a fly and then somehow convinces herself and like a dozen other women in they're 40s-50s that everyone in Europe is significantly skinner because they just happen to not eat the food that one lady dislikes...

like I can't really explain more then that this woman has no evidence, refuses to listen to evidence and has the firmest faith in stupidity I've ever seen it's truly kinda terrifying i wish i had her self confidence but also just wow....

I don't think that she's normal I think a lot of American children do actually learn about other countries? I learned about other countries when I was really young my mom would focus on one a month and then I'd have to do a lil presentation at the end of the month in front of my grandad and we'd cook a meal with some traditional foods from there if possible I had a lot of fun learning recipes from all over the world and we'd get a monthly cd with music from all over the world it was so cool! one of my favorite games when I was little with my grandad was he'd spin the globe point at random n then i had to say thw county, the capital, a famous food item from there and one history fact is famous person if I knew one and it was SO MUCH FUN!!!

maybe it's a new homeschool thing or a church thing or maybe this lady is just straight up purposely stupid I'm not sure? I have no fuckin clue this woman is insane I avoid her every chance I can.

#rants #ignore me I'm stupid #just yeah #she was one of my mom's bffs and lord she made life hell #Narnia a book written by a Catholic man with DJ much religious imagery and symbolism in every single book in the book series #and progressively gets more n more christan the further into the series you get #was evil and satanic #she yelled at me for liking old yeller #she was CRAZY #but the scary thing is she got a lot of women believing her every word especially European diet shit it was CRAZY #only Americans have addresses no one else dose i guess according to her she got my grandma to believe that for a bit until i pointed out #THE MILLIONS OF BOOKS WRITTEN BY A BILLION AUTHORS ALL OVER THE WORLD THAT MENTION ATREET NAMES AND ADDRESSES #LIKE EXAMPLES PRIDE N PREJUDICE AND SHERLOCK HOLMES HABE ADDRESSES MENTIONED #JUST TWO BOOKS NOT WRITTEN BY AMERICAN OR RECENT WITH ADDRESSES #that got my gran to think a bit but that lady thinks they must have been influenced by Americans aomehow shes SO STUPID IT FILLS ME W RAGE #her daughter told me jesus didn't eat seafood and seafood was unbibical #i.... I do not understand #like do you know where jesus lived do you know what some of his friend's jobs was or like the sermon on the Mount #dis you not read the Bible? why you mad ay me for eating all the time #now that i think of it a lot of times her crazy food things tend to be things i was currently eating kr talking about that i enjoyed eating #huh #weirdo lady #she yelled at me for eating two Oreos once #like yeah i wasn't being greedy but yeah she really got mad over that #now that my mom's passed she texts me randomly because she misses my mom n i think she wants me to fill the void i feel kinda bad for her #but i can't #i can't be her friend not after the shit she influenced my mom too be so cruel to me in the name of God growing up #i will not be her friend #that and she's stupid ofcorse people eat chicken bread and butter that's kinda the most basic human foods i feel like #EVERYBODY HAS BREAD EVERYWHERE BREAD IS THE MOST HUMAN THING

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consultingcriminal · 1 year

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okay so I'm trying to see something, if you watched Narnia as a kid and your life changed when ben barnes appeared on screen and now after many years you watch every single thing that he's in reblog and add in the tags your experience

idk I feel like there's a unique experience that a certain amount of people went through BUT I CAN'T PUTIT IN WORDS BECAUSE IT'S 3 AM

#for me it was gender awakening #for some reason this dude is in most of my major fandoms #narnia #dorian gray #shadow and bone #the punisher #like?????#one day you were 11 watching Caspian be pretty on screen and now fast forward to 2022 hes playing daddy darkles #does this have to do sth with the passage of time?#i am unwell #its like when one if your favourite actors is getting old and you can't accept it because you need more movies to exist the same way you #can't go through your day comfortably without listening to music #but also they'll forever be that young in their works #and what I'm trying to get to is that you too will always be as young as you were when you first watched it #once again i repeat it is 3 am sorry for clogging the tag #back to what I was saying #and when you rewatch the movie or relisten to the song (cos I just realized that i also mean it about other types of art and shit)#you get all these memories of younger you flood back #and you were such a little kid back then and now you have to be an adult #i need to go back to writing and vent there instead lmao #ben barnes #prince caspian #sab #jigsaw #aleksander morozova #general kirigan

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astrxealis · 1 year

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really want to read more and more literature (esp classics!) aghhhh yesterday iirc i was on a walk with my mom and twin and an old guy (not a weirdo dw) who was jogging or walking too actually asked what book i was carrying and it's a little funny bcs uhm he just went "oh a classic!" you see. i was carrying dante's inferno. which i still haven't properly started to read but anyways he might... if my mom is right... be the local parish guy so oopsies !! LMAO anyways yeah really interested in lovecraft for a while now! horror scares me and gives me paranoia but i also enjoy the writing of it? and i remember once that something/someone said my writing is kinda similar to his. hm.

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i never talk about literature here but hi i grew up reading books and i really love literature. both fiction and non-fiction! admittedly i #less prefer modern books because i prefer classics and all that? and i kinda fucking hate people who only like boring and/or famous #literature lmfao fuck you but anyways putting my bitterness aside! arthur conan doyle with 'sherlock' of course & 'a dream within a dream'#dazai with 'no longer human' is something i think i'll really enjoy reading one day as well and hmm #i never properly read 'lord of the rings' despite my relative having the books and i borrowed it once? but didn't make the time to actually #read it unfortunately :(( 'the great gatsby' is something i also have yet to read and then jane austen's works!#and then. louisa may alcott ... i asked my mom right now about her books that we have/had and i did not fucking know we had #'little women' all this time holy shit. i remember reading 'a modern cinderella' but also i am unsure now... but yeah. that/those too!#shakespeare's works are of course a must-read hehe we do have 'the tempest' and i've read a couple of his works but only a little bit #either based off the knowledge i just. know. or for school back then! but yeah. you probably know his works already lmao <3 #and then uhmm 'phantom of the opera' we have now as well! bought it alongside yk. 'the tempest' 'inferno' 'paradise lost & regained'#a few months ago but tbh i haven't made it very far in reading any of them yet but i really want to sometime! and learn more guitar!#and get back to playing piano and also finish and play more games but anyways. yes.#george orwell's books! we have a few if i'm not mistaken (love my family fr) i really want to read them. my dad keeps recommending #his works for us to read. especially 'animal farm' but i've heard '1984' is really good. i also really want to read more of narnia!#only ever read the first book and wow it meant a lot to me tbh? with. growing up and all. and then i read a bit of another book hmm.#'to kill a mockingbird' was something i have wanted to read since i read 'the hunger games' as a kid because i for some reason connected #the two in a way because of the word mockingbird. and then uh other books that i don't think are as... classics. idk what are classics tbh.#BUT okay yeah i still haven't read 'a monster calls' but i know it made my twin and mom cry! and then 'the fault in our stars' we have but #i also haven't read it... haven't read the witcher books either and then george r. r. martin's stuff. tbf i'm not an adult yet so lmfao.#'the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy' i know my dad really wants to read and i know my tita has it but i'm not completely sure if we have #it ourselves too now? but yeah. really interested in that book as well. and then i have yet to read 'frankenstein' and then i'd love to #reread books from my childhood from authors like roald dahl !! and then man i should read more from #neil gaiman ... i've read his short stories? and a book. or few. i can't really remember.#anyways. okay. running out of tags but i really love literature ..... <3 #also want to read more of modern literature tbh! the ones that are actually good tho <33

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magpie-to-the-morning · 1 year

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Back to the real world tomorrow 🥲

#You know that meme about internet friends living in #Narnia or some shit?#Well tomorrow it’s back through the wardrobe for me #and I’m feeling very normal about that #(lying)

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faithisland · 5 months

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if the only fanfic I ever write is for sherlock and the only fanart I ever make is for doctor who ... idk who ill be but ill be solidly from 2012

#its a lie #ive made some the 100 fanart technically #of lincoln and lexa #and ive also written big time rush fanfic💀💀#OHH and narnia #holy shit i forgot that #anyway im revealing all my secrets for some reason #(and i feel the need to say i definitely wrote the sherlock fanfic in 2013....before series 3)#also 2012 is when i moved to GA and my memories start #like feel solidly me #but that doesnt matter right😄

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dan-crimes · 1 year

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Okay I am LEGIT convinced that Splatoon 3 is just out to make you miserable and finds pleasure in ur failure I LITERALLY HAD PERFECT RAINMAKER GAMES I WON 4 TIMES IN A ROW EASY but then I magically get put on teams that just LOSE and lose 3 times afterwards but I still got to the Rank Up Battle AND THEN LOST 3 TIMES IN A ROW BECAUSE IT LITERALLY PUT ME ON THE SAME TEAM I LOST WITH THREE TIMES EVEN THO I LEFT BECAUSE THE TEAM WAS NOT GOOD !!!!!

#LISTEN I like Splatoon and I'm fine with losing games EXCEPT WHEN THE TEAM FUCKING SUCKS AND JUST #DOESN'T EXIST !! LIKE WHENEVER I'M PUSHING FOWARD MY TEAM DOESN'T EXIST so I try and back off wait for them to come back #AND THEN TWO OF THEM DIE INSTANTLY and then instead of INKING OUR BASE SO THAT WE CAN PUSH BACK UP AFTER I KILL THEM ALL #THEY JUST GO OFF INTO FUCKIN NARNIA TO CHARGE THEIR SPECIAL WHEN THERE IS LITERALLY ENEMY INK IN OUR BASE #THAT THEY COULD USE TO CHARGE THEIR SPECIAL and then by the time they charge their special the whole enemy team is back #I try to push foward to kill them so we don't lose lead AND MY TEAM FALLS BACK INTO SPAWN LIKE THEY ARE AS FAR BACK AS CAN BE #THE ENEMY HASN'T EVEN GOTTEN THAT CLOSE YET BUT THEY REFUSE TO CLOSE THE SPACE !!!!!!#and ALWAYS whenever I have the Rainmaker my team never goes in front of me they just stand behind me cuz they're SCARED #and they RUN AWAY instead of PROTECT ME !!!!#oh man I could go on and on honestly like SoloQ is hell it's just actual hell bro #it didn't use to be THIS BAD but it is BAD now #like I was playing Rainmaker and I can carry really well in that mode but HOLY SHIT TOWER CONTROL LIKE DON'T EVEN BOTHER BRO #EVERYONE JUST RUNS AWAY FROM THE TOWER I DO NOT GET IT !!! the enemy is literally advancing to the next checkpoint and my team goes #TO THE COMPLETE OTHER SIDE SO THAT THEY CAN'T REACH THE TOWER and then DIE INSTANTLY #I don't know man I do NOT know #I played some Clam Blitz cuz Tower Control was THAT BAD BRO which tbf I actually like Clam Blitz it's just #hard to communicate with ur team in SoloQ so it's hard to tell when I try and make a push foward if my team will follow or not #which everyone was actually pretty good about it! I lost 3 outta the 4 games I played but I actually had FUN #well except for the first one cuz there was an annoying dude and I was playing a weapon I'm not very good at if I don't warm up first #the other 2 games I lost I know at least one we made an amazing push at the beginning but then we got Clam Blitz @ the end #if you know you know #and the game I won MAN that was an amazing game honestly such a cooperative team they were always there right behind me #and when I used my walls and special they all pushed forward and I was stalling the basket MAN it was fun #but like LITERALLY I'm fine with losing games as long as it was fun and everyone was y'know actually playing as a team #and also if the other team is just actually really good like I cannot fault my team for that we just got unlucky lmao #but MAN I just think the ranking system in Splatoon 3 is supperrr broken I have seen people in S+ and X rank who LITERALLY #not even joking they literally looked like they had just picked up the game that same day they were LEGIT playing like a noob #NO idea how they can manage their way up the ranks like that like how did that happen #anyway I just had to blow off some steam cuz I really really like playing Splatoon but it is just really really REALLY shit right now ngl #I want to keep playing cuz I know it can be super fun but it is really pissing me off a lot lately especially with the disconnection issues

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cherubfae · 3 months

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you're accidentally shrunk! || hazbin x reader

with Alastor, Lucifer, Husk, Angel Dust, Vox

tags: fluff, comedy, established relationships, gn!reader (implied masc reader for angel as always <3)

Alastor

He is quite amused by the whole ordeal, if not a touch worried for your wellbeing. You're utterly tiny, capable of sitting in the palm of his hand like a tiny doll. His claw gently nudges your cheek, tilting your chin up. Using his own magic proves to be futile. After several attempts he's still unable to change you back to your normal self. He isn't sure why his powers don't seem to be taking effect.

Alastor doesn't let anyone else touch or hold you. Legit will hold you in his hand above his head should Vaggie or Charlie try to get a better look at you.

"No, no, no," Alastor clicks his tongue. "I'm afraid I'm not comfortable in letting my dearest love be held by anyone but me. Surely, you understand." He gives you a little smile, his thumb gently stroking your head.

You aren't a little toy and the last thing he wants happening if Niffty mistaking you for a roach, so he prefers to have you sitting atop his shoulder, his head, or safely tucked into the pocket of his waistcoat with your tiny little head poking out to watch the world around you. As much as he finds you adorable and vulnerable in this state, he does prefer you as yourself. He'll probably head to Rosie first, he wants nothing to do with Lucifer. She always has her ear to the ground and he's certain he'll get you returned to normal soon.

Lucifer

Well, that's new. Lucifer is easily able to turn you back to yourself but he wants to have a little fun first. He lifts you up and presses little kisses all over your face, giggling to himself when you press your hands to his rosy cheeks.

"Can't help it, sweetheart! You're too cute!" He gently nuzzles your cheek, placing a loving kiss to the top of your head. He'll shapeshift himself into a mouse and pretend that you're a little fairy about to battle for Narnia.

When he turns you back, he is relieved. He much prefers you as your lovely self where you're able to snuggle into his side and hold you properly to his chest, sharing many kisses between you two.

Husk

Shit, this ain't good, but at least yer havin' fun, baby. Husk sighs, leaning his chin against his paws. His yellow eyes flick back and forth in amusement as you treat the bar counter like your own slip-and-slide, watching as you spin around on the shiny wood with a small squeak.

Husk catches you with his tail before you can slide off, lightly placing you back on your feet mirroring the grin you give him. "I'm glad you're having a good time but we gotta figure out how to turn ya back, hun." He leans back against the stool, hoping Charlie has found something or someone who may be able to offer some help.

Charlie, on queue, comes rushing down the stairs holding a light pink pearlescent vial in her hands. "Let's try this!" She stands triumphantly, proudly holding out the vial in her hands. "A drop or two on their head should bring them back to normal height. I have a feeling this will work, but as Plan B we can go to my Dad!" She beams.

Husk nods, giving you a tiny peck on top of your head that only serves to make Charlie coo. Placing you on the floor, Charlie uncaps the vial. A shimmery fuschia-purple liquid smelling of sweet berries oozes out and gently drops onto your head.

A whoosh of pink and yellow unfurls out and soon you're standing before them as mostly yourself. Your hair is now a dyed vibrant pink. Across the room, Alastor who is casually reading the newspaper, snaps his fingers and poof! Your hair is back to normal!

"You could've helped them this whole time?!" Husk hisses, fur bristling. Alastor hums, taking a sip of his black coffee, "Hmm no, just their hair. Good thing they're back in one piece, yes?" He grins. "Too bad you didn't play a little cat and mouse with them. That would have been a sight to behold!"

Angel Dust

As adorable as you are, Angel is fuckin panicking. He's not quite sure what to do and he's terrified of someone accidentally stepping on you. "Okay, baby, I've got ya, hang on!" Angel places you on his chest fluff, his hand holding you in place as he returns to his room.

Depending on how long this magic lasts, Angel will 100% want to play dress up with you and have you try on cute outfits or perhaps make a cute little dollhouse for you. He's too scared of crushing you in his sleep so until this wears off, he doesn't want to risk anything happening to you. He's also worried about Niffty mistaking you for a bug, so when he's out and about, he keeps you close to him at all times. If he has to leave and can't take you with, he instructs Vaggie and Charlie to look after you.

"Do not let Niffty or the Egg Bois around them, got it?" His stern eyes are narrowed, making an expression that he's watching Sir Pentious. "Keep the Eggies in line."

Vox

What the fuck? He blinks, a jolt of electricity nearly short-circuiting himself. Babe, what the fuck happened to you? Vox scoops you into his hands, holding you to his chest. He's doing his best not to panic, convinced this is another one of Alastor's stupid fucking pranks.

Thankfully whatever has happened wasn't permanent. A tiny explosion of sparkles and a poof blue dust has the futuristic demon stumbling back, sighing when you're standing there at your normal height with a hand pressed to your head.

"Holy shit, what the fuck happened?" Vox presses, grasping your hand and pulling you into his lap. He's cupping your face between clawed hands checking for any sign of injury. "Was it Alastor?" You shake your head, coughing out some blue sparkly dust.

"Nah, got caught under some pollen demon's magic on my way to HQ." You grumble, leaning your head onto your boyfriend's shoulder. Vox sighs, wrapping his arms around your waist.

|| I DON'T GIVE PERMISSION FOR MY WORKS TO BE REPOSTED, RESHARED, OR EDITED. TUMBLR IS MY ONLY ACCOUNT AND THE ONLY PLACE WHERE I POST MY WRITING. ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS, THE STORY BELONGS TO ME. || CHERUBFAE © 2024

"Ok, ok, well, you're back," he grumbles. "Don't do that to me again."

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel imagines #hazbin hotel x you #alastor x reader #lucifer morningstar x reader #hazbin lucifer x reader #husk x reader #angel dust x reader

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spaceagebachelormann · 11 months

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peter with a reader who always forgets things??!?!

like she forgets where she put her sword and to drink water and he has to constantly chase after her and remind her??

that's so cute

ty babe <3

peter pevensie with a gf who forgets things.

♬ fandom: chronicles of narnia

♯ genre: fluff

♪ mars thoughts: AJAJAJAJJA I LOVE HIM SM <33 this is perfect because he’s the loml and i suck at remembering stuff 😭 also i put it as hcs cause that’s how i first imagined it in my head!! dividers by @/benkeibear

♮nav - masterlist

hes so <3

like you’re just walking around minding your own business and then you’re like “hey. wait where’s my water???”

and then your pretty bf is beside you holding it like “you forgot it AGAIN”

and then he lovingly makes fun of you for forgetting you put your water bottle in his hands before walking away and not saying anything

other than the fact he’s constantly chasing you to remind you where you put something (and this can be fairly annoying to him) he finds it cute <3

he’d try to find a way to help you remember when you put them but you forgot how to remember it 😭

you tried dw

he also. kinda hoped you didn’t because he liked being the person you came to when you needed help finding stuff

he seems like one of those people who gets rlly happy knowing he helped another person

so it’s like a huge ego/energy boost for him

BUT if he’s leaving for somewhere and won’t be back for awhile he starts writing down where you put things and gives you the paper so you can look and add to it <3

would def say “don’t forget you have the paper” to be a lovingly boyfriend bitch

ALSO ALSO if you forgot your sword it’d be the funniest thing ever to him

cause like you’re this rlly strong and talented and very pretty sword wielding girlboss

and nobody knows that seconds before you wielded the sword you couldn’t even remember where you put it

and if you forget things like drinking water or even eating cause your busy

he’s a little upset cause like. you’ll die?? if you don’t?? but he doesn’t ever like chastise you cause he knows you’re busy

so he just reminds you or brings you water and food and is kinda just like “eat”

also. he didn’t cook that food. man can’t cook for shit

but if you forget it because you’re just forgetful and not busy hed def scold you a little

it’s not that like. effective 😭 cause he’s just standing there like “you can’t not eat y/n!! >:(”

AND if it takes place in the normal world instead of narnia and y’all go to the same school i have some thoughts

you’ll be like sitting in the cafeteria kinda upset cause you forgot your lunch

and he comes up and sits with you and has like a whole extra lunch prepared

hes so <3

and if you forget to do your homework or some shit like that right before the teacher comes to collect it he slides his hw onto your desk and tells you to write your name and gets in trouble for you

and then susan gets mad at him and everytime she knows you have homework she makes you come over and helps you with it <3

and he also helps!! i feel like he’s english/history smart and susan is geography/math smart so they like choose certain subjects to help with

it gets to the point where they have a whole detailed schedule

edmund is horrified with it because it hangs on the wall and is extremely visible

hes known for trying to destroy it with lucy’s help but that’s not important

MOVINGGGGG ONNNNNN

he’s overbearing. and he knows it.

at first he tries to like not immediately think you’re leaving after forgetting something

BUT HE CANT HELP IT

he asks what you forgot and when you run back inside to get it he probably starts laughing

i’ve officially run out of ideas for this <3 but tysm for requesting it

it made my brain itch /pos

#mars writing 🧈#cherry 🌙#mars silly little mutuals <3 #narnia #the chronicles of narnia #narnia x reader #chronicles of narnia #peter pevensie #peter pevensie x reader #x reader #pevensie siblings

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wrenwreads · 8 months

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hidden treasures

Edmund discovers something new in Narnia. Or is it new? Lucy seems to be just unimpressed.

pairing/s: edmund pevensie x fem!mage!reader

warnings/other info: reader is implied to be also human but has magical capabilities? edmund a bit of an ignorant (lucy calls him one + an idiot). edmund bumps into reader. usual pevensie sibling banter. the fic itself might be a bit shit too, sorry

genre: fluff, strangers-to-friends

word count: 1,183

a/n: this is just something to get my writing brain working after going missing for ages lol (sorry) i got so so so caught up with my final exams n everyone leaving for uni and skdhkjgasjkdda but i'm better now and have more free time so hopefully i don't abandon you guys again (not gonna promise anything tho) - requests and questions r open!

Edmund remembers the day so vividly.

Susan had just been berating him about his king-ly duties. Almost demanding him to finish them. If Edmund's being honest, he would say she probably was. And he was growing sick — annoyed, actually — at Susan’s constant reminders. And it’s not like he doesn’t even finish them on time. He simply has his own pace.

He was getting close to snapping at his older sister, and from what his brain allows him to remember — snapping at now Queen Susan was worse than Finchley Susan.

So he simply scoffed, standing up from his seat, heading out of the castle — desperate for some fresh air.

With his satchel with him, he decided to walk around town. Greeting Narnians here and there, occasionally stopping by stands to feed his own curiosity. He even remembers picking up another book, one he now keeps on his nightstand to read when he can’t go to bed.

What had been so significant about the day was stumbling onto something — someone, rather — who he swears he had not met before.

“Oh! I sincerely apologise your majesty. I wasn’t looking where I was going. Although, I am in a rush so... I’ll see you around!”

The moment was too quick for Edmund to register. Only a couple moments after did he realise the voice that had just spoken to him. Accent almost too familiar to just be Narnian. He whipped his head around, watching as the same person rushes through the busy workings of the town, impressively dodging obstacles along their way.

Now on present day, his attempts at convincing his siblings that there is a new citizen in town are going nowhere. Peter seems to have just started ignoring him, Susan the same, and Lucy… Lucy is just unimpressed.

“Have you really just met the healing mage, Ed? Really?”

“I swear Lu she’s— wait, healing mage?”

Lucy sighs, looking at Susan for back up. The older girl only shrugs, leaving her to herself and when she looked at Peter, the man was already chuckling.

Edmund observes the exchange happening before him, confusion clouding his mind.

“Can someone just catch me up on what’s going on? Please?” he practically begs.

“That’s Y/N you’re talking about, you ignorant idiot. And she’s not new. She moved here — appeared rather, a few months ago when you were out for diplomacy. I guess you really just haven’t bumped into her before.”

“What do you mean appeared? Is she a daughter of Eve to—”

“I think that’s a question for you to ask her Edmund. It seems you have been ignoring the sole person keeping Narnians healthy.”

The next day, Edmund woke up early to deliver a basket of herbs. It was meant to be Lucy’s job, one that she personally does every week and the same job Edmund questioned but never asked about. Well, now he’s about to get his answers and Lucy argues it’s an excuse for him to finally meet the mage.

He follows the path with white lilies per Lucy’s instructions.

“Y/N loves lilies, especially white ones.” She had added.

As soon as he felt that he was getting lost, a small cottage appears just a few more lilies away.

He had to pause in his step. It was quaint, the cottage looking like it was out of a fairy-tale the way nature surrounded it. Not that Edmund can say that anymore, the way he and his siblings made it to Narnia proved too good to be true at first.

His admiration was cut short when he heard the door swinging open, revealing no one else but the same person he had bumped into the day before. Only this time, Edmund can see her clearly and she is no longer in a rush. He continued watching, his presence seemed to be unknown as Y/N continued fussing around her front garden. Her mouth was moving, seemingly talking to the greenery.

Edmund takes a step forward, slowly making out the words coming out of her mouth as he gets closer.

“Come on Thistle! We haven’t got all day! And Lokas, please tell me that’s not a ruby in your hand?! Oh please, I already told you—”

“Hello!”

The young girl’s erratic dialogue came to a stop. Her body looking like it froze in place as she gawks at Edmund. The creatures below her were no different. Edmund had just realised she was surrounded by not only nature, but creatures alike — faeries and pixies, gnomes of almost all ages, and pixies.

She blinks. Once. Twice.

Finally gaining her senses back, she straightens herself up and smiles. “Good morning, your majesty! I wasn’t expecting you today.”

Edmund could only smile, raising the basket he still had in his hold. “Neither did I. Unfortunately, Lucy had some emergency duties to run this morning so I offered to do her plant delivery.”

“Oh! That’s very thoughtful of you your majesty, but you shouldn’t have. I would’ve picked it up myself at the castle anyway.”

She had now gotten closer, leaving her front gate open as she accepts the basket from Edmund, a sudden gasp escaping her lips as she does so. “Oh! Where are my manners. I’m Y/N, your majesty. I should’ve done that sooner.”

“Consider us two even. After-all, I am the one here only just hearing about you and your job as the kingdom’s healer.”

Y/N laughs. “And oh, please, just call me Edmund.”

“Is that the king I see again?”

The faery’s question had Y/N looking up from her cauldron, confused. After making sure her current concoction was not going to blow up anytime soon, she pats her hands dry on her apron as she makes her way to the same table where Thistle was currently hovering. Her brows furrow as she makes out Edmund walking towards her cottage.

“It sure is Thistle. I wonder what he’s here for.”

She exits her own home, a smile – although a bit sceptical — forming on her face. Edmund smiles back, walk turning into a slight jog as he gets closer. “I didn’t think you’d be back so soon, Edmund. I hope everything’s alright at the castle.”

Worry replaces her confusion. The only reason a member of the castle, the king rather, would personally pay her a visit would be because something had gone wrong and they needed her help. “Oh! Don’t worry. Everything is well in shape. I was just… bored. Yeah, bored.”

Y/N nods, sensing the growing nervousness of the young king.

“Bored, you say?”

“Yes.”

“And you decided to come here?”

“Yes.”

Is it bad to tease your royal highnesses a bit?

“To my small cottage?”

Surely not.

“Yes…”

“Where you could have easily done, I don’t know — fencing or riding on your horse. You know, like what other kings do?”

“Yes…?”

Her smile turns into a smirk, finding amusement in the way Edmund began questioning his own answers. She chuckles, allowing Edmund to relax — a nervous laugh escaping himself. “I’m only teasing. Would you like to come in, Edmund?”

#edmund pevensie #lucy pevensie #peter pevensie #susan pevensie #the chronicles of narnia x reader #edmund pevensie x reader #edmund pevensie imagine #king edmund the just #narnia x reader #chronicles of narnia x reader #x reader #edmund x reader #pevensie x reader #wrenwritesed

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idkaguyorsomething · 5 months

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The Problem of Susan Fic Recs

For many reasons, The Last Battle is probably the most contentious addition to the Narnia canon. The standout, though, has to be the infamous Problem of Susan, wherein the Pevensie children are all killed in a train crash and brought to Narnia 2 Electric Boogaloo aka heaven, then declare that Susan is no longer a friend of Narnia because of her interest in “lipsticks and nylons”. Hardly any time is spent on this, but the implications have been the ground for a lot of argument and discussion. What exactly would happen to Susan, and should it have happened? Over the years, dozens of fic writers have thrown their hats in the ring and weighed in on the subject, making the Problem of Susan almost a prism for the fandom: everyone shines through it a bit differently, resulting in a wide spectrum. Here’s some of the highlights under the cut.

http://shedletsky.com/blog/the-god-who-loves-you

Starting with the fic that coined the term, written by Neil Gaiman himself, this fic is a reflection and deconstruction of the idea that Susan would be able to find Narnia again by delving into the trauma that the experience of losing all her family at once as well as the social injustices that a young woman of her time would’ve faced, something that the narrative of The Last Battle never really addresses. It took off for a reason, as it presents a lot of good food for thought, but it’s also got some pretty weird shit that can feel like it’s conflating adulthood with edginess. Well worth a read for all the points it raises, but if you’re fond of canon you probably won’t like the way it takes a hammer to it.

Now this one is exactly what you’d want to read if you wanted some feel-good time. This story is probably the closest to how C S Lewis would’ve written Susan’s return to Narnia, detailing her rediscovering all the things she put away as well as what led up to her rejecting Narnia in the first place. It falls more to the end of being almost uncritical of canon, with the focus on Susan basically having the same sort of religious rediscovery that C S Lewis himself had in his life. Because of how she was treated in canon, that can be pretty frustrating, but the ending feels nothing short of joyous.

Swinging back to the other end of the spectrum, this fic is very critical of the idea of The Last Battle being a pretty happy ending for everyone, unambiguously stating that life is always worth living for all the Pevensie kids. It explores what their lives could’ve been like if they didn’t die, being a rebuttal of C S Lewis’ themes rather than a continuation of them while feeling equally as happy as the fic directly above.

And this story feels like a midway point between the above two. It dives really deep into the emotional damage that Susan would’ve suffered before and after the train crash in some absolutely gorgeous prose, showing both her and Aslan with great sympathy while maintaining that what happened to her is not a punishment in any way. Bittersweet and very, very good.

Heading back towards the more critical end of the spectrum, this fic presents a Susan who is not interested in finding Narnia again, only her family. She is very much a character straight out of an ancient myth rather than a teen trying to make sense of a senseless situation here, filled with determination as much as desperation. It’s probably the closest fic on here to having something close to a plot as well as a character study, with the exception of The Queen’s Return and one other:

Being a crossover with what’s pretty much the antithesis of the Chronicles of Narnia, His Dark Materials, it’s probably easy for you to guess which side of the spectrum this story falls on. It’s more of a HDM story than a Narnia one, but the two worlds blend together surprisingly well, and it gives us a rare look into a Susan who’s lived decades of her life when the story picks up. She’s pretty much the Professor and it is fascinating, as is everything left to interpretation by this gem of a fic that is ambiguous yet deeply satisfying.

¡And here’s Susan as a Doctor Who companion! This isn’t directly a Narnia story so much as it is one about two people much older than they look mourning the loss of their worlds, with a Susan who is a queen wise beyond her years. Reading it is like taking an ice shower. It doesn’t hold back on the grief, and as a result it manages to feel honest as it reaches a warm ending.

http://archiveofourown.org/works/24311

Despite also being a crossover, this is in some ways the opposite of touch the sky with two arms. Susan is more of an everyday young woman than a queen, and [SLIGHT SPOILERS] Narnia itself does feature directly. But y’know, that’s part of what makes fandom so interesting. Not everyone is going to have the same take on everything, and the ending of this leans more happy than melancholy.

¿A shipping fic that’s also a crossover with Peter Pan that features neither Neverland or Narnia? Yes, this one probably has the least to do with Narnia or Aslan, but it tells a very compelling story about living life and growing up, something that isn’t perfect but can be good if you find someone you want to spend your life with. Susan Pevensie and Wendy Darling are a really good couple, pinky promise.

Technically more a series of ensemble oneshots, but Susan features very prominently in a lot of them, and they will make you feel every feeling that everything else on this list might’ve given you. Satisfaction, devastation, simple joy, just go give it a shot.

#phew that’s probably just barely scraping the surface but those would be my top recs #feel free to add on any others that you know about #the tournament will go up soon btw #narnia #chronicles of narnia #the chronicles of narnia #susan pevensie #the problem of susan #the last battle #his dark materials #hdm #tcon #pevensie siblings #wendy darling #doctor who #fic rec #ao3

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literary-illuminati · 2 months

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2024 Book Review #14 – And Put Away Childish Things by Adrian Tchaikovsky

This book I basically came across by chance. Or, well, not exactly chance, but I’d never even heard of it before until I checked what Tchaikovsky books my local library system had copies of and saw it. Which in a sense is a terrible way to come into this – it’s an incredibly dramatic swerve from any of Tchaikovsky’s other stuff that I’ve read – but coming in totally blind pretty much worked, I think. Genuinely very fun read.

The story follows Harry Bodie, a children’s TV presenter facing down middle age with a career that’s never really lived up to expectations. Somewhat desperately, he signs on to a tabloid-ish program about digging into the family tree, hoping to use the residual fame of his grandmother and her fairly famous and successful series of postwar children’s fantasy novels as a career boost. Instead he gets his face rubbed in the fact that his great-grandmother is only recorded as an indigent madwoman, and the famous author was born in a sanitarium. That the famous Underhill stories were, in fact, based in large part on delusions told as childhood fables and family histories.

Somewhat unsurprisingly, the stories turn out to be less delusional than previously reported. Bodie is in quick succession accosted by a faun, approached by a suspicious PI, and kidnapped by a surprisingly moneyed fan-club-cum-occult-coven. Soon enough he’s getting his first taste of Underhill first hand – or, at least, what’s left of it after a century and change of economizing and entropy.

I’m on record as being fairly dismissive about the whole category of ‘stories about stories’, and I guess I need to eat my words a bit because I actually really enjoyed this. To an extent that’s probably just because it doesn’t get too meta – storyland is a work of deliberate artifice, the stories themselves don’t shape the world or do magic, it just generally never tries to get too cute or didactic about it – but still. This is a book where the hero at one point describes his situation as ‘Five Nights at Aslan’s’ so there’s no real principled distinction for me to cut here. One of the main characters is literally a folklorist.

Though, it’s less about stories than one specific story in particular. The unremarkable schlub plucked out of their mundane life and told that they’re special, that they’re the hero or the true heir and possess some inherent numinous essence that makes them the most important person in the world. This is a terribly appealing story, and one Harry feels the lure of very keenly – he’s self-aware enough to say quite clearly that he goes back to the frozen, decaying world full of half-dead monsters less out of morality or rationality than simply because it was a place where he mattered, for good or ill.

It’s probably not reading too deeply into the book’s themes to note that the story is a lure in a fairly literal sense, or that the true heir is destined to ‘save’ the world by being hollowed out and possessed by those who came before them.

Of course as much as this is in conversation with Narnia et al, it owes at least as much to whole genre of ‘what is nostalgic children’s property, but fucked up?’ creepypasta. Fairyland is choked with fungal growths and creepy, staticy not-snow. The scampering, troublemaking faun is miserable and worn out with bad knees. The Best Of All Dogs is a rotting, terrifying hellhound. There’s even a titanic evil scary clown. Aesthetically the book owes far more to r/nosleep than Lewis Carroll.

Harry himself is an absolute delight as a main character. By which I mean he just sucks so bad, but in very mundane and endearing ways. Who among us can not relate on some level to a failing middle-aged actor who always made a point of not trading on his family name but is secretly pretty resentful it hasn’t helped him more? He refuses the call to adventure then decides his life’s kind of shit and he’d rather get stabbed to death by goblins, so he comes crawling back and begs for a second chance. He’s left a glowing magic sword that will defeat all enemies, but it’s stuck in the body of one of his kidnappers so he just runs screaming and it spends the rest of the book in an evidence locker somewhere. I love him.

I really have no idea to what degree it was intentional, but it also does rather muse me that – okay, you know the standard bit of feminist media analysis where male characters are the actors, while female characters are generally walking set decoration and plot devices? It really deeply amuses me that Harry spends the better part of the story as a magical blood bank getting led around or terrified and awaiting rescue, whereas Seitchman (our counterfeit PI/folklorist) repeatedly forces herself into things through obsessive research skills and a complete disregard for her own safety (and at one point an enthusiastic if unpracticed willingness to sword people). Though to be clear this was mostly amusing to me because it was absolutely never highlighted or commented upon.

This is probably the first book I’ve read that’s recent enough to be set during lockdown without really being a COVID novel, if that makes sense? You could set this the year before or the year after without really losing much, and it lacks the ‘this was written in quarantine’ vibe of a lot of books I read last year. But it definitely adds a sense of specificity and timeliness to it that I rather enjoyed.

So yeah, do not open it expecting anything like Children of Time, but good book!

#book review #and put away childish things #adrian tchaikovsky #sff #urban fantasy #novella

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promptthebear · 1 year

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Hi, I would love if you could just tell me anything you think about Edmund Pevensie 🧺 literally could be anything I just want to hear your thoughts ❤️

💗Edmund Pevensie Fluff Alphabet💗

A/N: Okay so I know I’ve been doing like all the alphabet templates lately but honestly they’re a lot of fun for me and people seem to enjoy them so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

CW: I don't think there is anything for this? It's fluff, so not much in terms of triggering content. The reader is female and referred to as Edmund's wife and queen.

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

For Edmund, I think he’d admire someone who’s smart, has a strong moral compass but isn’t so rigid that they can’t see the grey areas, and a good sense of humour is a must.

Ultimately, I don’t think he’d set out intentionally looking for a partner to rule Narnia with him but he’d end up choosing someone with those qualities subconsciously. His sense of duty to Narnia is just too strong to avoid that.

It would start off in small ways, he’d tell you about some messy political issue he’s working out and want to know your hypothetical opinion on the matter. He’d also bring up lots of philosophical subjects casually, and maybe even ask if you’ve engaged with any Narnian legal texts.

You don’t have to have a highly educated background to impress Ed or keep his affections, but he would appreciate if you listened and tried to contribute. At the very least you can act as a sounding board for his ideas, even if you wouldn’t be comfortable ruling in your own right. Someone who’s going to brush his concerns aside and accuse him of bringing down the mood or interrupt the conversation to focus on more frivolous topics isn’t going to be a good fit. You need to do at least a little bit of thinking to keep up with Edmund, he’s going to want a stimulating conversation now and again.

However you also can’t be so stuffy that Ed can’t joke around with you. Our boy may not be the little shit he once was, but he needs a partner who can see the funny side to things especially when he’s dealing with anything heavy. Humour is his primary coping mechanism, and if you don’t understand that then it’s not going to work out.

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

Edmund’s not really a superficial kind of guy. I think he’s more concerned about what you’re like as a person that what you’re like physically. However, I can also see him being a sucker for someone who smiles a lot and has pretty eyes. We already know, he’s a jokester and if you look extra nice every time he makes your face light up, well that’s just an added bonus.

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

I can see him liking having his partner’s head on his chest while he’s got an arm around their waist or shoulder. He also likes being the big spoon, I have a personal head canon that he grew up lanky as fuck so it’s easier that way regardless.

Generally Edmund likes feeling as though he can protect and guard his partner, that’s what happens when you’ve been king since age 10. But, sometimes he’s tried and in those rare moments of vulnerability he’s going to want to put his head in your lap for awhile. When he gets like this I’d also advise rubbing his back or stroking his hair, he’ll melt in seconds.

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

To me, Edmund’s always been a bit more of an introvert and what he likes to do for dates reflects that. He’s not the type to throw a massive party or feast just so he can be your escort to it. He’s much more likely to arrange a private picnic somewhere on the grounds, or take you out for a ride with Phillip on a trail with nice scenery or to a play put on by a local performing troupe.

It’s not that he won’t take you to tournaments and things like that. He loves having you on his arm and showing you off to the public, but it’s exhausting being King Edmund all the time. If you want to really get to know him, take him up on those quiet, simple dates. He’ll be much more relaxed and you’ll have a lot more fun too.

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

Oh goodness, I think this really depends on when and how Edmund meets you. If you’ve known him since childhood, you’re going to get the full range without a lot of filters. Ed would know that you know him too well to try and hide anything, and he’s always been the type to speak his mind even if he’s gotten more pragmatic about it.

If the two of you meet for the first time when you’re both grown and he’s been ruling for awhile, you’re going to get a lot of King Edmund at first. That includes all the performative bull crap that comes with the title.

He’s going to be all smiles and up for a friendly chat, but still somehow very aloof and every answer he gives is couched in pragmatism so you don’t really know what he’s thinking about certain topics. To the rest Narnia, he’s their grinning, boyish King. But if you’re close enough you can see, the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes, they’re flat and empty or even a little sad sometimes.

If this is the scenario, Ed probably won’t really let you in until the two of you are married or officially courting. It’s just too much of a risk, he’s got his people to think of and they need to know they’re in the hands of a strong leader. There’s no place for insecurity or vulnerability on the throne.

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

Honestly, the answer to this is yes and as soon as possible. When the two of you are married, Edmund would want to start trying for a baby right away. Or, if a biological child isn’t possible, then looking into some options to foster or adopt.

Unfortunately for Edmund, being a dad is kind of a deal breaker. If you don’t want kids yourself I can’t really see him wanting to commit to you long term. And there’s a couple reasons for this.

The first is, personally, that he really wants to be a father. He’s wanted this ever since their first visit to Narnia after his own family got him back from Jadis. In that moment he understood the blessing of the love he’s been given and as he got a bit older, he wanted to share that love with a family of his own.

The second reason is the Prophecy from the first book. There was never an addendum about what would happen if there were no longer human rulers in Narnia, but I can see Edmund doing a lot of research about it anyway. In the end, he’d probably decide it was better safe than sorry for him and Peter to have a few children each to act as heirs.

Somewhere in Edmund’s heart, he’s always been a bit paranoid about Jadis coming back. Not because he’s worried about himself or being tempted by her again, but more so because of what she promised to do to Narnia and the people he cares about if she ever got the chance. Making sure there’s always going to be Pevensies on the throne is just added security against that.

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

So with Edmund, I feel like he’s the type to prefer a little, meaningful gift over a big, expensive sort of gesture and his own habits around gifts reflect that.

Yes, he’ll go out of his way for major occasions like birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas. But the rest of the year, you can expect little surprises from Edmund. The next book in the series you were reading just because, maybe a sachet of your favourite tea the next time he goes to market. He’s also not very artistic, but I can see him writing you love notes and giving those to you as gifts. He’d put lots of effort into those, with fancy paper and flourishing letters and coloured inks.

When it comes to getting presents from you, Edmund would just absolutely die from happiness if you made him something. It doesn’t have to be big or fancy or even well made. He’d accept a woven bookmark you cobbled together from scraps of ribbon or thread and treat it like it’s his most precious treasure. Just the idea that you cared enough to try and also made something that’s specially for him that nobody else has, it would make his heart soar. Also you can bet he’s going to be showing off whatever it is you made to anyone within earshot for ages afterwards.

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

All the time lol.

With Edmund being King, the two of you don’t have a lot of privacy and PDA is generally frowned upon. Holding hands is the most acceptable way Edmund can show his love for you in front of everyone.

If the two of you are watching a tournament, he’ll reach for your hand and bring it over to rest on his leg with his own hand on top. If the two of you are rubbing elbows with courtiers at a ball or feast, he’s going to be holding your hand the entire time. If you’re sitting next to each other in the throne room and listening to appeals or the like, Edmund’s going to be holding your hand.

In part, it’s because he wants to show the two of you as a united front to the rest of the world. It’s also because he finds your touch soothing and it can ground him when things get out of control. If you find he’s getting a bit overwhelmed, maybe his shoulders start tensing or his jaw clenches, just give his hand a squeeze. You’ll see the anxiety leave him in seconds, and he’ll squeeze your hand back to let you know he understands what you’re trying to say. You’re here, you love him, and it’s going to be okay.

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

Burn the whole world to the gr-

I’m kidding I promise. But if you get hurt, oh boy, everyone watch out.

With you, Edmund is going to be the gentlest, most anxious man. He’s going to want to take a look at the wound himself even with the best doctors available. He’ll be reading up on treatments both magical and mundane, herbal remedies, all of it. Anything he thinks may help or ease your pain.

Be prepared for lots of fussing, tea and massages if you’re sore. There’s also probably going to be times where you glance up and see Ed watching you with this puppy dog kind of look, and you know he’s worrying about you AGAIN even if you’re on the mend. Try to be patient and reassuring, he just loves you and doesn’t want to lose you.

When it comes to the person who hurt you, however? All bets are off. Edmund is THE definition of “looks like a cinnamon roll, could actually kill you”. Whoever hurt you better PRAY that you or Ed’s siblings are there to pull him off or they’re in for the beat down of their life. He’s been Peter’s second in fights for years and while he doesn’t usually start them, he knows plenty well how to finish them.

Expect at some point for Edmund to leave your sickbed, saying he has “something that needs his attention” only to come back to you with a split lip and bruised knuckles. If you press him for an explanation, he’ll play coy and act like he’s got no clue what you’re talking about. Whoever hurt you, IF they survive or aren’t run out of the kingdom on a rail, won’t so much as look in your direction ever again. You’re Edmund’s queen, and so long as you walk in Narnia you’ll be protected as such.

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

Oh my god have you MET this man???

Edmund is mischievous to a fault, he never quite grew out of that smart aleck streak of his and now it’s your problem.

You can expect everything from foolishness like swapping the salt and sugar for your tea to more elaborate schemes that he’ll drag his siblings into. There was probably more than one incident involving some minor spells that backfired and caused more chaos than they were worth. Ie. Edmund finds someone to cast a glamour that makes him have a crow’s head or something so he can jump out and scare you. It works a treat, but then he discovers that he still SOUNDS like a crow hours after the physical glamour wore off and he’s got to give an official speech to the council like WHOOPS.

He is also the KING of snark, sarcasm and inside jokes. The two of you are going to have a whole litany of nonsense that will send you into giggle fits but just confuse everyone else. Edmund also loves to make you laugh at moments that are maybe less than appropriate.

Peter has stopped letting the two of you sit together at any kind of serious event because you cannot behave. It’s not your fault though, Edmund keeps pulling faces and saying “Egg tart” which makes you think about that one time on that picnic with the centaurs and…okay Peter doesn’t get it but if he’d been there he’d understand why you’re giggling.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

So obviously Edmund likes giving you kisses on the mouth. He could do that for hours and never get bored. However, I can also see him enjoying giving you “courtly” kisses on the back of your hand or your knuckles. If the two of you met when you were grown ups, this is probably the first kind of kiss he ever gave you and even if it was just a social expectation, it’s still a memory Edmund cherishes. Nose kisses are also a big thing with him, but only because they make you giggle, which he loves.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

I mean first and foremost, Edmund is going to tell you he loves you about a million times a day. He’d probably be a lot like Wesley in the Princess Bride novel, where he’d be having the most mundane conversation with you like “Yes it’s supposed to rain a lot over the next fortnight so Peter wants to gather some workers and help sandbag the farmlands to avoid flooding and also I love you.” He says it pretty much any time it pops into his head.

He’d also try to show you in lots of other ways. Spending quality time is a big one since he’s busy and has so many people needing his attention. He relishes the quiet moments the two of you have together, evenings spent reading or playing chess, peaceful mornings snuggled up in bed. These don’t happen as often as he’d like, so if you suggest wanting to “stay in” on the rare occasion he does have some time off, he’ll eat the opportunity right up.

Acts of service would be another one, he wants to try and help with whatever you need. If you write poetry and need someone as a test audience? He’s your guy. If you knit and need someone to hold your yarn while you spool it? Ed’s there. Any hobbies you have, he’s going to want to want to be an active participant and barring that, he’ll be as helpful as he can.

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

Honestly this is so cheesy but probably your first kiss.

If the two of you met and had an organic relationship, that memory to Edmund reflects the moment you started to belong to each other. Before that, the two of you were just friends. Close friends, but Ed always secretly hoped for more. And then with that one little action, everything changed. The two of you went from friendship to all the possibilities a new romance brings in a matter of seconds.

He thinks about it all the time, the way his heart was in his throat, the warmth in his gut when your lips met his, the pretty flush on your cheeks afterwards. He’d replay every moment leading up to the kiss too, trying to sort out exactly when you may have decided to kiss him or let him kiss you. Sometimes he gets himself all flustered and silly just thinking about it, and then he has to go and find you just so he can recreate the experience all over again.

If the two of you were in a arranged marriage though and your first kiss happened at your wedding, Edmund still treasures that memory. You were little more than strangers, but he still felt his heart skip a beat when he lifted your veil and saw you looking back up at him with bright, sincere eyes. And when he felt you kiss him back, chaste and quick as the kiss was? It was in that moment Edmund started to fall for you. Neither of you had asked to be put in this situation, yet here you were giving him your trust and kindness anyway. How could he not love someone like that???

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

I’ve talked about this a little before, but honestly for Edmund it would and always will be Jadis coming back.

He knows in his heart that he’s safe, at least. He trusts Aslan enough to know that no matter what happens, Jadis isn’t ever getting hold of him ever again. But when it comes to his family, his romantic partner and any future children he may have? Well, that’s when things get a little dicey.

As he and his family got older, they’d see Aslan less and less. And while Edmund still has a lot of faith in him, he’s also only human. When you care about people, you worry about them, and worry can lead to doubt.

He’d try to ease his anxiety by gathering any and all knowledge available on Jadis and her history with Narnia. Obviously a lot of what’s available in print has either been suppressed or destroyed, so he’s relying mainly on oral resources or archival materials related to Jadis as a secondary topic ie. anything about the Deep Magic.

This wouldn’t be an easy way to get the information he’s looking for, a lot of it is contradictory or parts of it written in languages that are no longer used. Still, Edmund would do the best he could to try and glean SOMETHING from what’s available to him. As far as he’s concerned, when it comes to your safety and the safety of his family, he will go to the ends of Narnia itself to ensure it.

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

When Ed’s in love he’s…well, distracted. If he’s sparring with Peter, his brother may score a couple of easy hits Ed would normally block. Lucy might have to say his name a few times before he notices she’s trying to ask him something. Susan would find lots of abandoned teacups around the library, their contents half drunk and gone cold.

Of course, they all immediately know what’s going on and will tease him relentlessly. Or rather Peter and Lucy will do it openly, while Susan insists she wouldn’t stoop to such lows but really she’s just more subtle about it.

I imagine the conversation going a little something like this. Lucy would say Edmund’s name several times in succession but he’s staring out the window or into the fireplace at the fire, clearly off in his own world. Peter would go “Never mind, Lu, I’ll take care of it” followed by “Oh HELLO Y/N”

Edmund would immediately snap to attention, turning to face the doorway with bright and eager eyes. Peter and Lucy of course dissolve into giggles, which makes Edmund huff and cross his arms. Susan would try and scold them for picking on Edmund, but she’s smiling too so it doesn’t really have the desired effect.

This all comes from a place of love, of course, but Ed also knows he is NEVER going to live it down.

When it comes to you and realizing Ed has a crush on you depends on how well you can read people in general. If you’re perceptive enough, you might pick up on it. If not, he’s going to be the same Edmund as always. I can’t see him really being the type to flirt or try to seduce you, at most you’ll see him more often.

Like he’s suddenly just around a lot more and while you can’t place your finger on why, that doesn’t mean you aren’t happy to see him either. Despite you knowing how busy he is, he magically has all the time in the world where you’re concerned.

Planning to go to the market later? He’ll tag along. Want to take a trail ride? He’s there. Need something off a high shelf? Oh look here comes Ed just in time. He’s 100% blowing off royal duties and the like to be with you, but don’t worry too much about it. If Peter catches you two, Edmund’s the one who’s going to be in trouble anyway.

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

Probably just the typical stuff. Darling, sweetheart, dear, dearest, love. The only one I can kind of see being different for him is beloved if the two of you have been married for awhile, and probably only if you’re either very upset and need comfort or if the two of you have been…doing what married couples do lol.

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship

With Edmund, I feel like the most beneficial “quirk” he has is his ability to negotiate and work through arguments.

Is this more of a slowly acquired skill than a quirk? Yes, but you can’t deny it isn’t both incredibly helpful and also sometimes incredibly annoying.

If you’re the type who wants to argue to blow off steam, Ed is going to drive you up the wall. When you come at him, sassing off and ready to GO, he’s not going to match your energy. Instead, he’s going to be calm and reasonable which will probably just piss you off more but he’s going to keep being so rational which will in turn just amp you up but again he refuses to give you the reaction you want which just makes you angrier and...well, you get the idea.

You're probably going to want to take up some kind of athletic hobby if this is you, like sword fighting or something along those lines. Trust me, it'll be much easier to take out your frustrations on a training dummy then it would be to goad Ed into getting angry with you. Better yet, go rattle Peter's cage a bit. He's always down for a good ol' fashioned argument or snark off, plus there's the added entertainment value for Edmund.

If you aren't the confrontational sort though? Well, the two of you are going to be perfect together. Edmund is an excellent communicator, he won't ever raise his voice to you and is generally pretty good at keeping emotion out of the equation so he can consider every aspect of the problem. Whether this is an issue that involves the two of you directly, or a problem you're having with someone else, Edmund will help walk you through it.

Please go to him when you're all worked up, he loves nothing more than to help you and has mastered telling someone to go fuck themselves in a way that still sounds polite. With him on your side, you'll never lose an argument ever again...except maybe sometimes to him lol. But again, he states his point so well and so sensibly that you don't find yourself minding too much either.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

I almost wasn't going to do this one because CS Lewis never actually published any music that exists within the Narnia universe, unlike say GRR Martin or Tolkien. HOWEVER, I am also extremely stubborn, a former English major and a choir kid at heart. This means I have a weirdly expansive knowledge of English and Celtic folk songs, and I finally settled on this one.

Now, obviously this is a modern recording (from 1996) BUT this is an old af song, and it sounds like to me that it would be sung around Narnia as a folk ballad because why not?

I figure your connection to Edmund through this song is because the both of you have heard the other one humming it on some occasion. Then, one day, maybe before the two of you get together, Edmund drops a yellow apple into your lap.

You didn't ask him for it, and he didn't say anything about giving it to you. Suddenly, there it was sitting on the open pages of your book or atop your embroidery or something. And you look up at him, and he gives you that wry smile that makes him look like a boy again, and you just know. This is his overture, his way of telling you he loves you without actually saying outright lest you break his heart. And you take a bite of that yellow apple, and it's so sweet and crisp and perfect, and from then on, that's who Edmund was to you. Fresh apples, chaste kisses and ballads hummed softly on warm, sunny afternoons.

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

Give it time, and there won't be a lot Edmund hides from you. Lying and keeping secrets has gotten him in trouble before, and he's sworn he's never going back. He realizes now, that honesty is the best policy and needing help doesn't make him weak. Plus, if you've been together for long enough you'll be able to read him so well he won't have much luck hiding things from you anyway.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

I think it depends on the situation, really.

If the two of you grew up together, well, years in that case. The two of you were always very affectionate, but it didn't turn romantic until the two of you were in your late teens. In that particular situation, falling in love was just the natural next step. It's familiar, cozy, and nobody is surprised when Edmund announces he intends to court you officially. That courting period is also really just a formality, your family always knew you were going to end up with Edmund from the first time he came to visit.

If the two of you have an arranged marriage however? Well, that's going to change things. Did you want to get married? Do you actually like Edmund at first or did you get a poor first impression? Do you have an old love you're still holding a torch for? These are all going to influence how your relationship with Ed goes past the wedding. Depending on any of these factors, you could be looking at anything from six months to a few years.

Proximity would really be key in deciding how that relationship plays out. Edmund probably knows the chances of romantic love happening instantly in a romantic relationship are slim to none. But he hopes to be friends at least, you're stuck with each other so why not make the best of it? He isn't looking for anything else, but he's also such a charming, sweet man that in the end you probably couldn't help yourself.

After being around him for so much time, you'd eventually ease into loving him properly. From then on, the charade you have for the court as a married couple stops being a charade and becomes a little glimpse for everyone into what the relationship actually is behind closed doors. All it takes is the right spark for this to eventually blossom into a full blown romance.

If the two of you meet when you're grown and form a relationship without the pressure of impending matrimony, then that's what's going to have the shortest amount of time between when you first meet and when you become a couple. Edmund would make his intentions clear within a couple of months of knowing you, and from there a typical courting period would follow.

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

Hugs. So many hugs. Anyone remember that scene in Zootopia where Judy walks over to Nick and bumps her head against his chest while she's crying? That's Edmund. You can work out the details later. At first, his main priority is going to be to hold you close and put himself between you and whatever's got you so worked up. He won't mind in the least if you want to cry on him either. If anything, that just makes him squeeze tighter with maybe a few "It's alright, love" or "I'm heres" murmured into your hair.

Once you've calmed down a bit, then he's ready to listen. Just pour your heart out to him, he won't miss a single detail and he'll be sure to help you work through any problem no matter how convoluted or insignificant it seems. He will also probably get someone to bring you some tea or make a cup himself while you're filling him in. What can I say? The English are like us Maritimers in that aspect, nothing can't be fixed with a good, warm cuppa.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

Edmund's proud of a few things, even if he's a little more subtle about them. His family, for one. He loves his siblings so much and every accomplishment of theirs is worth celebrating no matter how small.

He's also very proud of his kingdom. Narnia is his home, his salvation and his joy. He wouldn't be who he is without it, and he wants you to try and understand that the best you can. Expect to go on lots of trips to little out of the way wonders you didn't even know about, and lots of scenic locations on dates. Admire each and every inch with Edmund, from local folk festivals to sunsets to fields of wildflowers. There's nothing about this country he doesn't love, and the only thing better than experiencing it on his own is with you.

Edmund would also love showing you off. Whether you dress up or are just going casual for the day, he wants everyone to see you. To admire your beauty the way he does. The only thing he loves more than Narnia is you, and damned if he's going to rest until the world realizes it. Expect him to take you to lots of council meetings, political events and the like.

They may not involve you in the slightest, in fact you may sit there the whole time knitting or writing or sketching and not paying much attention, but that's okay. Edmund just wants you there for moral support and also again, so everyone can have a look at you. Each subtle touch to his arm, each whisper in his ear or kiss on his cheek. He relishes those little moments because it shows everyone he belongs to the most amazing woman in the world.

Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

Edmund really, really doesn't want you fighting. He's seen the mess war makes, and wants you as far from that as possible. However, if you can hold your own in battle, then he'll at least concede once he witnesses it for himself. From then on, he's happy to fight alongside you, maybe even listing you as his second in tournaments, not that anyone can ever beat him lol.

If you're not the fighting type, however, then Edmund makes it his personal mission to be your knight in shining armour. Expect him to ask for your favour when he goes to fight or joust in tourneys or before going to battle. He may not want you anywhere near the bloodshed, but having those little reminders of what he's fighting for means he's all the more likely to come back to you in one piece.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

So very well. Good luck keeping secrets, because this man will be able to read you with a glance. This comes from Edmund's own pragmatic nature, as well as the fact that he needs to be able to read a room moments after entering. If you're even the least bit on edge, Ed will be pulling you aside for a quiet moment and won't rest until he gets to the bottom of things.

He'd also know you're pregnant the second you're sure of it yourself. All it would take is the slightest shift in your expression or the way you carry yourself, and boom, that's it. He'd be asking you about your health and baby names and won't leave well alone until you tell him. Like I said, good luck keeping secrets. He's clever and stubborn, not a winning combination for someone you're trying to hide things from.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

So with Edmund, I feel like there are two different proposals.

The first is going to be your private proposal. It may involve a ring, it may not. Case in point, Edmund is going to try and have quiet moment with you to ask before all the chaos that comes with a royal wedding beings.

He may take you to the spot where you had your first date, or arrange a special dinner or even just do it in the comfort of your own chambers. He'll probably either light some candles or get jars of fireflies or make use of some naturally bio-luminescent plants that grow around for mood lighting.

He'd probably also wrap a blindfold around your eyes or have you cover them before guiding you in. He's surprised you with things before, but you'd really have no idea what he's planning until you open your eyes or take the blindfold off and see him kneeling in front of you.

He wouldn't even be able to get the whole question out before you're down there with him, exclaiming "Yes, yes! Of course I will!" I between the many, many kisses you're giving him. If he gets a ring, it'll probably be a very simple silver band he had one of his dwarven friends make for you. You'll get a fancier, bejewelled ring later on when things are officially announced, but again Edmund still wants you to have something that's just for the two of you to share before the whole kingdom gets involved.

The formal proposal would come later, which would be a big ceremony with all the fanfare and everyone invited, royal, noble or otherwise. You'd be standing next to Edmund in front of the four thrones when he makes the announcement. A raucous cacophony of cheers would follow, the sound so loud you can feel it reverberating in the hollows of your collarbones.

This would be the one and only time anxiety would set in, because you'd realize that this means you aren't just going to be Edmund's wife, but a Queen of Narnia. However, before you can start to spiral Edmund would give your hand a squeeze, and your mind quiets. In spite of your doubts, he believes in you and your ability to rule alongside him. That and his love is more than enough to keep you going.

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

Spending time with you, his family, any children you may have together. Going for trail rides with you, or practising his swordplay.

It isn't often Edmund actually panics or gets stressed. He and Susan are the most clear headed of all their siblings. They're more likely to think or talk things through then they are to submit to blind emotion.

However, Edmund is only human, and sometimes the weight of the world literally gets to be too much. In those rare moments, he wants nothing more than to seek out the things that ground him and make him feel like a normal man.

If he suddenly gets very sooky and cuddly with you out of nowhere, or pulls you and the children away from what you're doing to go on a sudden day trip or you find him hacking away at a training dummy at odd hours? Check in with him. Odds are there's something bothering him, and he's trying to seek out support from you without worrying you directly.

#easter askbox event #edmund pevensie x reader #Edmund pevensie imagines #Narnia imagines #edmund pevensie

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nuri148 · 17 days

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Distances in AoT

Or: Yams has no idea of geography and the relationship between distance and travel times in AOT makes no sense.

PART TWO: GEOMETRY AND PONIES

In the first part, we’ve seen how freaking huge the distances between the main districts of the Walls are. Here is a summary:

Center-Sina: 250 km

Sina-Rose: 130 km (Center-Rose: 380 km)

Rose-Maria: 100 km (Sina-Maria: 230 km; Center-Maria: 480 km)

To go from a District to the next on the same wall:

Along wall Sina: 393 km (352 if cutting in a straight line between the two)

Along wall Rose: 597 km (537 in a straight line)

Along wall Maria: 754 km (~720 in a light curve, as straight line not possible)

Here’s a summary of the shortest distances (combining radius and chords) between districts:

(I’ve only put the most frequently mentioned in canon)

Throughout canon, we see the characters moving between a handful of Districts. To the iniciated it may look like said travels are a tad too fast considering the means of transport that they use. It’s okay. The insta-travel effect has been seen in every other epic fictional world, be it the Middle Earth, Westeros or Narnia. And we’re willing to suspend our disbelief. But AoT has a crucial difference in that sense.

We’ve been told the exact distance between the walls. In kilometres, not some fictional or obscure, ancient measure unit. Suspending disbelief does not come easy when the numbers are exact.

It’s like when you’re watching a movie, and the hero has only 10 minutes to get to the bomb before it detonates, so he races through the streets of, say, Paris, and they go from the Louvre, to the Arc de Triomph, wreck havoc on a market along the Seine, rush through Montmartre, around the Eiffel Tower and skid to a halt when the car crashes in front of the Opera. And most people will be ok with that, but the few millions who live in or know Paris are like... Nope. That’s not possible. Not even with 007’s Aston Martin or the Batmobile. That makes absolutely no sense. It’s ten times worse if the hero is running.

Well, guess what, the Survey Corps do not travel in the Batmobile.

The Survey Corps travel by horse. On longer expeditions, they also have horse-drawn carts.

Now, if you fill up the tank of your BMW and pad your butt, you can drive the 480 km (road distance) from Berlin to Ansbach in about 4:40 hours without traffic. That’s not stopping for anything other than traffic lights, and using some of the best highways in the world. That’s an average of 102 km/h. With normal traffic, you could do that in 5:30 hours, averaging 87 km/h. That’s how long a badass modern car would take to go from Mitras to Shiganshina.

But, and this may come as a shock, a horse is not a car.

First and foremost, a horse cannot ride as fast as a car. As per the Publicly Available Information from canon, “The stable horses used by the Survey Corps are selectively bred (...) and travel for many hours without complaining. (...) Their top speed is between 75–80 km/h, and they can maintain a swift 35 km/h gallop. The horses are tenacious, able to maintain a fine speed of 20 km/h even when pulling a carriage.”

For one good thing in all this mess, numbers are in accordance with real horses. And I have no problem accepting that the SC horses are the cream of the crop when it comes to speed and resistance, like our fastest horses and most resistant horses combined. But horses, I repeat, are not cars.

Cars are machines. Horses are living, sentient beings. They cannot fill their stomach like a car a gas tank and run at top speed until it empties, rinse and repeat. They need food and water. They need shoes. They need bathroom stops (they can shit while walking, but they need to stop for pee). But mostly, they need rest. Horses can and do die of exhaustion. (And given that SC horses are super expensive, you don’t want to work them to death.)

A horse can maintain its maximum speed for only 3 km—4 for a race champion. That’s the maximum length of horse track races, actually. After such a sprint, they need to rest for a while. So even when dodging titans, you won’t do so at top speed – you just need to be faster than the enemy. Obviously, the slower the gallop, the longer the time it can be maintained, so sprinting at less-than-top-speed will allow to dodge more titans.

When you’re just travelling from point A to point B, then, you won’t waste the precious energy of the horse in a sprint. Those journeys would be made at a lower speed, for the faster you make the horse go, the more, longer stops it will need to rest, catch its breath, eat and drink. Likewise, if the horse is carrying weight, it will go slower and need more rest. Long distance horses can only cover 50–60 km per day—And before someone says endurance competition horses can run over 100–160 km in a day... that is not the same as 100 km per day, in the same way marathon runners don’t do 42 km per day; they do them in a day. The day of the race. After training specifically for that race. Then they rest for a few days. Horses are the same. Moreover, long distance endurance races have mandatory vet checks along the way to see that the horse is able to keep going. And if you have an expensive horse and no vet every 20 km to check it, you will take care not to push it, lest it collapses midway and the titans eat you.

So, considering SC horses are specially bred for endurance, we can safely equate them to long-distance working horses of our world; I’ll assume they’re the GOAT and can cover 60 km per day.

But wait! I hear some of you say. If they can go at 35 km/h, they can cover much more than 60 km a day! Er... no. Because they need to rest. They cannot trot at 35 km/h for 8 hours straight. They can’t even walk for that long without stopping to rest. Same as like Marathon runners never reach the same speeds as sprinters and middle-distance runners.

Please note that this numbers refer to a single horse. You can cover longer distances, or cover a given distance faster, if you change your horse for a freshly rested one at given points. This is not an instant process: the new horse will have to be tacked and you’ll have to transfer the cargo, if any, from horse A to horse B (in AoT world, they cannot text the next station to have the horse tacked when they arrive). A convoy of several horses will be slightly slower and, I repeat, if there are carts, the whole convoy will be conditioned to the slowest cart (the horse/s will be slowed by the cart in the same way a car is slowed if you attach a trailer to it). In every rest station, the horse needs to be untacked and then re-tacked before continuing, same as hikers will put down their backpacks when taking a break.

For reference, The Pony Express, the fastest horse dispatch system ever, could cover 300 km per 24-hour day (they rode day and night). They managed to cover that much that by having a huge infrastracture that allowed the rider to change horses every 16-24 km, and pass the dispatch to another rider every 75 km or so. That’s 4-7 horses every 100 km.

So either AoT horses are more magical than My Little Pony ones or Yams cannot distinguish between a horse and a Ferrari.

Guess which one I’m betting on.

Side Comment: The Ferry

Talking about this with one of my fandom friends, she mentioned her bafflement that they didn’t use the ferries that we see in the first chapters evacuating people from Shiganshina to transport themselves quickly from place to place. I thought she had a good point, so I looked into it. Thankfully for Yams though, I looked into this and it’s not really an option.

The steam engine is unknown in Paradis, so the ferries would have to be operated manually. (The publicly available info panel on the subject comes from the Lost girls OVA, so its canonicity is questionable, and it has contradictory info saying they are moved via wires along the river (as manual ferries do) but also that they are powered by the same gas as the VMG – which make little sense bc then you don’t need the wire and why not have a railway as well?). And the maximum speed a manually hauled barge can attain is not better than that of a horse. For a RL example, the fastest that horse-drawn barges travelling the Canal du Midi in the 19th century could reach was 32 hours for the 240 km ride... changing horses every 10km. Before that, it took four days. That’s 13 hours for 100 km – basically the same time it took the SC to go from Trost to Wall Maria in RtS, but without the possibility to change course if the road’s blocked or to dodge titans if they attack (and provided they had the fresh horses every 10 km, which they wouldn’t in RtS).

That said, I do think Yams totally forgot about the ferries.

Part 3

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot meta

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