#THAT WAS ALSO WHEN I STARTED MY MEDS
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i swear to god the next time i think "oh i feel and function much better now, maybe i dont need my meds anymore" i NEED to remember that that is the DEVIL SPEAKING and that the REASON i feel and function better is BECAUSE the meds are IN my system and that the NEXT COURSE OF ACTION is NOT to REMOVE the from my system but to KEEP THEM THERE good god
#I AM SO SHARP AND PRODUCTIVE THESE DAYS IT IS INSANE I#I FEEL LIKE HOW I FELT WHEN I FIRST GOT INTO TOT SO SHARP AND CREATIVE AND WRITING AND ONLY NOW DO I RMEMBER THAT#THAT WAS ALSO WHEN I STARTED MY MEDS#THEN I WENT OFF THEM IN FEB-MARCH 2022#IMMEDIATE DIP IN PRODUCTIVITY AND MOOD. AS IF. MAYHAPS. THE MEDS BEING IN ME H E L P E D#AND THEM NOT BEING IN ME DID NOT HELP#I CRACKED THE CODE. THE ANSWER IS THAT I WAS AN IDIOT#dootdootdoot#sorry for the capitalized yelling but this felt like the expanding brain meme for me. guys. guys ive Written#i /wrote and finished a fic/#it's for a zine so i cant post it yet yall have to get the tot olympians zine (@olympianszine) to read this one#and then i sTARTED A NEW FIC AND I HAVE 1.5K WORDS oN THAT#and thats on top of everythng ive been working on for the nxx comp vol 2 and work and life#damn. what a good set of meds can do to a mfer. why was i so angsty about going on meds again i need this shit tf
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i like him
#somebody needs to keep me 8 metres away at all times or else ill start chewing on him#i just want everyone to know if i end up making a character who happens to resemble harvey in any shape or form#it probably wasnt a coincidence 😐and it will happen again#if i remember maybe ill try getting stardew when it goes on sale.. my friend showed me her farm and she named her chicken after doja cat#or maybe it was nikki minaj i cant remember. and she also said smth about monsters and passing out if you stay out after a certain hour#idk how accurate tht is all i know is the funny fucked up grandpas bed#i read somewhere that harveys supposed to be in his early to mid thirties and i dont have a problem with it but i think itd be very funny#if hes actually younger than he looks hes just a med school postgrad lmao. idk how well that headcanon would hold up since ive#never played the game and idk how often ppl talk about his age or if itsjust an implied thing. i just think its really really funny#im trying to get into the habit of drawing poses so im using reference images to try and build up muscle memory#i found some cute pictures of two ppl playing by the sea shore and it reminded me of xin and sailor so im gonna draw em like that#i havent drawn em in so long..... maybe i should update xins reference since i changed their lore quite a bit#myart#my art#doodles#stardew valley#stardew#sdv#sdv harvey#kinda wanna see him whimper a little bit. as a treat
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#surskit#now THIS guy. very underrated pokémon. the little blush? cute. the blue? cute. the spike on their head? cute. the whole concept of surskit#is cute. and there's this one video of like serena tossing out a surskit and then they just go “a” and it zooms out#and plays gen 8 encounter music and it's a very good video. if y'all've seen it before you know what i mean. for the rest of you#well i don't know what to tell you. i don't know much about this pokémon outside of that because i kinda started liking it when i saw that#video to be QUITE honest. i don't even know what type it is for sure—bug/water? and i sure as hell don't remember what they evolve into#yeah ok i was right. and they evolve into masquerain. not a ton of continuity colors and design wise but i like Get it. the whole bug thing#i suppose i just prefer pokémon that are visually traceable#but my paws are very cold typing this so i'm gonna wrap this up and take my meds. happy surskit day#and also happy pride month! i'm queueing this up on june 2nd. my power went completely out last night#which was awesome for pride month (lie). it was a very good time (lie)
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this is So specific but kondraki reminds me of this one fucking customer i had like 2 years ago at my old job who used to fucking come in every single day at 4 in the fucking morning in the same outfit until one day after like 3 weeks he comes in in a different outfit and naturally i was like "? why the sudden change" and he looked me dead in the eyes and went "husband left me." and so because i didnt know how to respond i just went "OH. im. so sorry." and he FUCKING CUT ME OFF to go "no its okay i stole his truck". im not elaborating on that i just think hes the type to steal someones truck for breaking up with him and also wear the same fucking clothes for 3 weeks straight
#[ren]#i like how you can tell when my mania meds where off cause i start saying the most like. insane shit ever.#who thinks like this. like moment of clarity who fucking Talks Like This.#alright. anyway. moment of clarity over. this guy also never fucking tipped me on account of him being the tip. which. okay. slay. i guess.#<- which. really is also soo kondraki. to me.
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Once again no crafts to update, but here’s those fish I drew yesterday!
#the person behind the yarn#fish#sometimes I draw a new thing and it feels like I’ve unlocked a new skill#like I’ll get a pop up that says unlocked: you can now draw billowing and spots. congratulations!#or something? idk I don’t play many video games so idk how the achievements are worded lol#I am on new meds for my Symptoms Disease and they are helping a lot but there’s always an adjustment period#because when my body starts functioning better than usual my executive function kinda spins out for a while?#it’s getting better! but crafting has been slow#I also got some blood test results back! I test positive for autoimmune antibodies#which is one of the first quantitative blood test results I’ve had EVER in over a decade#I’m trying not to get too excited before I talk to a doc#but it’s actually four different blood test results that are abnormal this time and all four point toward autoimmune#…plus several more that point to me being a little bit anemic
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Sorryyyy for dropping off the face of the earth; got kinda shy after that last post but mostly I’ve just been writing though I cannot guarantee that any of that will ever be finished (also I’m very insecure about my writing AAAH). Figure I might as well post the valentines I had done (like two months late lol); interestingly this turned into more of a hand lettering exercise than I was expecting lol
#len’en#yabusame houlen#suzumi kuzu#tsubakura enraku#haiji senri#art#digital#there was one more but I’m not confident it’s like. funny? and I have stuff I’d eant to change abt it#and these four have pretty good comedic timing as a set so I’ll just leave well enough alone#also had plans for a Kuroji and uhhh Xeno a but those haven’t panned out#you’ll have to excuse me I’ve been going off the rails and also have not fixed the meds situation (I’m completely out atm)#started like four fics; yes they are all suzutsuba and there is. so much sex (not described/on screen but STILL)#didn’t manage to stay away from Hamal Cine Bad End either jfhshsjfb#too nervous abt talking yo pol rn to leave comments but zaranthropy if you’re reading this I owe you my life#also I think I said I was inspired on something by dissociation constant and then when chapter 2 came out I relized it was something I had#completely misinterpreted but I’m too embarrassed to actually go and check lol……#*talking to ppl sorry I had to turn off my autocorrect cause it was being compeltely unreasonable#OH YEAH also this Haiji design was a little bit inspired by a redesign of them from uhhhhhhh who was it. idk most of their blog is gone but#I’ll go check my likes#anyway I like how they tuned out also that joke came to me several days after valentine’s and gave me the idea for this whole thing#edit: can’t find the post anymore for some reason but I think yhe name was like chiosu or something?#did somebody go delete their blog while I wasn’t looking
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THE BEST OF PRIORITY: MARS (PART 2)
Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Maj. Kaidan Alenko, Lt. James Vega, and Dr. Liara T'Soni
With: The Illusive Man and Dr. Eva Coré
Your vision is pathetically limited. You were a tool- an agent with a singular purpose. And despite our differences? You were relatively successful. But like the rest of the relics in this place, your time is over.
Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs ✨#shenko#james vega#kaidan alenko#sophie shepard#liara t’soni#the illusive man#eva core#mass effect#mass effect 3#me3#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#ITS PART 2 BABY! I COULDNT GIF PEAK SHENKO CONTENT AND NOT MAKE HER A 2-PARTER YALL#these are my favorite bisexuals on the citadel i had to give mars a double feature ✨#‘the person i followed to hell and back the person i loved- are you in there somewhere?’ we cried. for real like this line THIS LINE#the first time i played ME3 it crushed me into a thousand pieces and it still does tbf#but like i also forgot how many good lines TIM has in this first mission until i was collecting footage while i was playing#like his lines go HARD (not javik ashes of a trillion dead souls hard but still)#also i may hate him but he looks fine as fuck in those new PV suits i will not lie#also im ngl the way femshep carries kaidan after he gets his head smashed against the side of the cruiser sends me every time i cannot#like sometimes you just have to carry your boyfriend like he's a sack of potatoes over your shoulder when he's bleeding to death!#like come on girl CARRY HIM BRIDAL STYLE or DONT CARRY HIM AT ALL#but on a serious note the way shep looks at kaidan back on the normandy? when he's in the med bay?#the way they just are so lost in him being injured?? in the possibility of him dying?? the panic in their eyes??#the way they only get brought back to reality when liara starts shouting?? chef's kiss tbh#bioware VS canon may be poo but the end of priority mars will always be famous to me#thanks for reading two gif sets worth of rants if you stayed for both!!!#i hope you have a good day!! 🥹✨
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i can never understand all the people going “covid’s just a cold” “it’s just like the flu”. it’s not influenza or a rhinovirus. covid sars-cov-2: severe accute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2. scientifically, it can never be a cold or flu, and it will cause severe accute respiratory syndrome. that’s not posturing or dramatics, it’s science
#also looking at long term symptoms of sars1. i think in 5-10 years we’re going to start seeing a barrage of horrible long term symptoms and#find out a lot of people never fully recovered#that’s what gets me is like. when i talk about covid my backing is from scientific journals and studies and then my own personal experience#watching someone die of covid. meanwhile people are like ‘well i read in an article’ or ‘well the cdc says’. also y’all the cdc is not forth#coming about covid info. they definitely don’t publicise things. but they still have information on their website that’s concerning that i#think if they publicised would make a lot more people concerned about the pandemic again#for example. Covid causes sepsis. this is something you can find on pub med and on the cdc website#if you’re curious: https://www.cdc.gov/sepsis/what-is-sepsis.html#it’s under ‘what causes sepsis’#also once again. all the studies about long term symptoms coming out and the damage covid does to the body are horrifying#coronavirus#imagine if people said ‘yeah I just tested positive for severe accute respiratory syndrome’
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Idk how me, a broad and chubby woman from a long line of broad and chubby women, and my husband, an average-height man from long lines of very tiny women and very average men, managed to produce a child so exceptionally tall, long, & lean that she can't wear store-bought clothes anymore without alteration. Yet here I am, dusting off a sewing machine I barely know how to operate....
#personal#this kid put on 2 inches in less than 3 months y'all#which is about how much she's supposed to grow in a YEAR at this age#while also somehow gaining no weight#i mean literally NONE#she even dropped an ounce overall#so no it wasn't my imagination that all her pants suddenly became too short#while simultaneously getting looser around the waist#and yes we're on top of the weight thing; she has a whole med team helping us out#it's cuz we finally found one of her EOE triggers so now she's eating more diversely and the inflammation is reducing#so her body is getting excited to go for all that growth it was putting off due to lack of nutrients and calories#same thing happened as an infant when she started PPIs for the first time#on my mama's grave she went from 50th percentile to 90th in less than a month#she also has a documented history of massive growth spurts every time her dosage gets upped to match her current size#the lack of weight gain is a bit worrisome tho so we're working on upping her calories as much as possible#but anyway#if anyone has tutorials on Learning To Make Kids Clothes for complete noobs let me know#cuz clothes cost too much for how much they DON'T fit her
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.
#just saw a post that was like 'if you have religious or moral objections that stop you from providing certain types of medical care maybe#you shouldn't work in healthcare' (paraphrased) and...#what a way to look at the world tbh#like. they're talking about me i think - i am a conscientious objector when it comes to euthanasia#(which granted has come up exactly twice and both cases in a theoretical capacity only this is not a frequent request to me)#and... i am also a good doctor#last week i told someone that her weight doesn't matter to her health with receipts to prove it and she cried#no one had ever told her that before#and that was something that came from me specifically. that was something i would not trust all of the GPs in my practice - a practice of#excellent and compassionate GPs! - to say#i am verifiably doing good in my job that is coming from specifically who i am as a person#i cannot put that down when it comes to issues i care deeply about#fundamentally the fact that i cannot put it down is what makes me a good doctor#i think that's what i'm trying to get at#the reason that i do well by my patients is that i practice out of my values and my ethics#if i did not stand on that core i would not stand at all#so you can't have it both ways. you can't have engaged and active and compassionate healthcare providers without sometimes those engaged an#active providers having things they do not feel comfortable doing#and it is to everyone's service if they are up front about it and do not try to hide (i am suspicious of people who try to hide this)#i am literally figuring this all out as i type hence the v long tag ramble and also being nowhere near the post that started this train#(honestly in med school we talked so much about ethics as like. abortion! euthanasia! trans rights! and the ethics in practice is the littl#things. do you apologise when you mess up. how do you manage a consult with your patient with paranoid dementia and her child in the same#room at one time - or one by one bc that's fraught too. (that one's on top i had one of those today.) how do you act with grace when#you're a bit stressed and your patient is a bit stressed and the nurse wants to add five more things to your book. the day to day ethics is#SUCH a bigger thing when you come to actual practice.)#this is obviously entirely about me and leans on the fact that i largely do think i am doing a good job i am really feeling my own way#to a Thought. but i think to a certain extent it is generalisable
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sometimes when my body is uncomfortable or in pain instead of just sending me like pain signals or discomfort signals it starts telling me to kill myself and making me really depressed and i have to sit there and go "okay. am i hungry? am i cold? does my tummy hurt?" to figure out if i am actually depressed out of nowhere or if my brain just doesnt know how to tell me to go get a little snack
#text#i think i need a little snack. i didnt eat much other than fruit today bc the coffee cake was coffee flavoured :(#dinner starts at 4 today ill go down then but uuuugh#fuck my gay life#also WHEN will my father respond to my fucking text -___- i need 2 know if he can bring my meds 2day or not
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getting wigs for characters with the same hair color as myself make me feel like the biggest dumbass around but youd have me fucked thinking im burdening myself with daigos 2000's emo cut just for a weekend
#snap chats#a weekend is generous im only going to the con on saturday#i like how im making it sound like anime nyc is this weekend when its at the end of august LMAO BUT NO LISTEN#unfortunately beauty influencers have finally done their job right and this one guy was reviewing an eyebrow pencil#but the twist is that this pencil was like. SUPPPER STUPID FINE im talkin .08mm and he demonstrated how it could imitate stubble#SO OF COURSE. my ass wanted to see for myself cause as much as i like my sponge-stippling method its not super precise#and that shit gets annoying when most of it looks fine but then i press too hard or i angle the sponge wrong and now i gotta start over#In Any Case the pencil i got did exactly as i hoped and its actually p fun putting on LMAO. i prefer how it looks too#anyway how this all relates to this post. im probably gonna go as y2 daigo again for anime nyc in august#and I Repeat im not cutting my hair for that LMAO so. Wig 😩#i like it when i cosplay him cause i just go by his actual design cause if i even breathe near skinny jeans ill wanna kms#also i just like to be as accurate as i can be yk. plus the leather pants i have are cozy and theyre one of my fave pairs of pants 🤤#in any case. whenever that wig comes in ermmmmm i dont trust myself to take pictures 😞 my selfie game is dick#maybe ill stream yk2 LMAO but anyway. good night i think im gonna force myself to sleep now#i got back to my dorm like four hours ago or whatever and i am not looking forward to doing school shit again. alongside comm shit#OH WELL we ball good night#wait before i Good Night cackling as i have my meds next to my aoki tablet and plush#great reminder honestly. Take Your Meds Or You'l Convince Yourself To Be A Republican#ok goodnight fr now im gonna giggle and kick my feet thinking of cosplay
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how is pathetic jeonghan doing i miss him
Pathetic Jeonghan is doing great actually. He's really vibing, riding the highs of the fact he is now dating y/n. You should be worried about y/n man, she is suffering. Look here's a snippet I actually like so I shouldn't share (solely because it's one of the VERY LITTLE BIT I have written) but I feel bad you guys are waiting so long haha:
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Your attention to your homework was dragged away by the distinct sound of Jeonghan’s voice. Your eyebrows furrowed a bit as you looked across the library, seeing Jeonghan standing a few tables away with a backpack hanging off one of his shoulders. A smile flickers across your lips- Unwarranted- But it died when you realized who he was saying hi to.
It was some girl- Why was it always some girl?- And you could hear a giggle echo from her lips across the library. She was in an ungodly short skirt, with a tight crop top on and she looked so hot. It wasn’t fair.
You couldn’t hear their conversation, but you could see that Jeonghan was actually interested in it. Maybe he pretended not to be interested in conversations for your sake when he knew that you were there. He had a small smile on his lips talking to her. A cute smile. He looked so cute. She looked so happy. Stupid smile on both of their lips.
As Jeonghan spoke, he turned his head slightly, his hair brushing over his shoulder. You thought for a moment he was going to see you but just before his eyes fell on you, they darted back to the girl.
“Y/n, what are you looking at?”
You ripped your eyes away from Jeonghan. Briefly, in order to look at Yeongtae.
“My boyfriend,” you mumbled. You only added the next part because it was Yeongtae and he knew you didn’t mean it. “And his hot new girlfriend.”
Yeongtae glanced over his shoulder, following your eye line and sighed.
“Are you kidding me?” He asked bluntly. “Didn’t you ditch him today?”
You felt something uncomfortable brewing in your stomach and you knew you needed to look away.
#I'm like kinda leaning into jealousy in this next part and how it is going to work for them now that they are together#Also when i started this i completely forgot what tense I use?#The first two lines were in the present tense because when i went to write it initially I just had no idea what to write.#My next day off I swear I'm just gonna sit down and write for a full day no breaks#My problem at the moment is that my apartment is so dirty that i spend all my free time tryign to get it perfectly clean because my brain#won't relax until I am there#do you know what I mean?#my sleep meds are kicking is fast I'm sorry.#It's coming and I know what is happening I just gotta.... reteach myself to write.#i bet this is a consequence of my posibl e concussion.#Anyways#isn' this kkind of fun#Jeognhan's reaction to this scenario is great. You guys should;d guess what it is going to happen
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I complained a lot about the side effects from my anxiety meds but they've genuinely changed my life in the best way. I'm talking to friends again, I'm playing video games, I'm not having panic attacks about dying every single night... genuinely wish I had this years ago
#im pretty sure the main side effect of emotional blunting has actually mainly gone away now#pretty sure it was because i was taking them inconsistently#im supposed to take two a day but before i got adhd meds i couldnt remember to take my second dose#and then it also says on the bottle to take with or without food but take it the same way everyday#and i didnt start doing that until recently. and its gotten better since then#it changes the absorption of it apparently so you gotta do it the same everytime#i was gonna go with not eating every morning cause i normally didnt like to eat when i got up#but i always eat before bed when i have to take my second dose sooo yeah#anyways. just realized this is probably super boring to most people#whatever its my tags its im free to be boring#engagement is optional
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hi does anyone have ideas for ways to occupy your brain so that it doesn't blast intrusive thoughts 24/7. activities need to also be not super brain heavy and able to be done in bed if needed. for now I'm playing a lot of mobile games and watching a lot of youtube but it's getting repetitive and starting to lose the effect. thank in advance
#chronic illness#spoonie#intrusive thoughts#disabled#my current list of issues is. uh. its a lot#started with severe autism burnout#which caused EDS and dysautonomia to flare like hell#then it turned out i also have hyperthyroidism and probably need surgery#then it turned out what i always thought was just anxiety is actually OCD#and its also flaring like so bad#i had to go back on the meds i was on when i was 18 which are first gen antipsychotics#just to be able to eat and drink without the intrusive thoughts telling me it will kill me#now I'm on two psychiatric medications at once and its still kinda hard to do anything#half the days im stuck in bed because of dysautonomia/postural hypotension#i can't concentrate on shit because of the thyroid and burnout#so even reading and writing are super hard#but i need to constantly be doing something or the thoughts get overwhelming#so like. any advice is appreciated#its also quite likely i will lose the spot in the PhD program because of this#because there is no system for medical leave for us#so me and partner will lose our only source of income#but for now they're still paying me even though i havent showed up for a whole month#so that's a problem for another day#oh i also need a wisdom tooth removed ......#feels like my life has been repeatedly hit with a hammer
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