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darling-zain · 10 months

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✮ ↳ All Eyes On Me ↰

♡ yandere! actor x gn reader pt 2♡

tw/cw: obsessive love, murder, mentions of blood, slight emotional manipulation

authors notes: this took me forever i'm sorryyyy editing is a bitch :( but I'm really proud of this one!! hope you'll like it too <3

"Why weren't you watching?" His voice is cold and filled with contempt as he glares at you, his nails digging into the skin of his palm.

"I-I was! Why wouldn't I watch, I've been backstage this whole ti-" Your voice is soft, trying to quell the fury in his gaze.

"Liar!" He steps closer to you, causing you to back away. He takes a deep breath before speaking again. "You weren't watching. When I was offstage, I looked for you behind the curtains. But you were never there." He's now right in front of you, grabbing the door handle and slamming it shut. "All those training sessions, all those late nights memorizing my lines till it felt like my head was going to burst, all the blood, sweat and tears- It was all for you!" His breathing is heavy and his voice is a low growl, his light tan skin flushed with anger.

"Aurelius, I...I had no idea..." Your voice trails off, eyes gazing into his with regret. "But, I did watch! It's just that near the end I got a phone call, so I had to leave the theatre to pick it up and I got distracted!"

"I don't need your excuses." He spat, glaring down at you. "I understand. I get that I'm just another actor you have to work with; you're just here for the paycheck. And that's fine!" He backs up, a deranged smile on his face. "But could you at least pretend that you care? Just a bit?"

"I do care! why wouldn't I care, I've been working with you on this for months! Please, no need to get so upset." Your words cut through him like a knife, and his eyes widen with disbelief.

"'No need to get so upset'?! How can you even say that right now?! I've put so many hours into this, spent so much time on this all for your approval, and when the day finally comes you don't even stay to watch?! I'm not just upset, I'm-" he takes a deep breath, shaking slightly. "Heartbroken."

"Aurelius, please, listen to me. The reason why I couldn't stay is because I got a call from my best friend, and they sounded really upset, so I needed to go help them... I'm sorry."

He turns towards you, a look of cold, pure, disbelief on his face. His eyes widen as he mutters something under his breath. The room is so quiet that even though he whispered, you could hear every word clearly.

"You missed my show...for someone else?" He takes a step back. "You missed my show...because someone told you to?" The silence is thick between the two of you, the same deranged smile appearing on his face. He chuckles, his laughter becoming louder and more insane. "Are you serious?! After all that time we spent working, you left me for your friend?!" Tears roll down his face, smearing his makeup. He stumbles back into the sound table and clutches onto it while trying to regain his composure.

"Auri, you have to understand! It was an emergency, I had no other choice!" The desperation in your voice is evident, you need him to realize the severity of the situation. You walk up to him and hesitantly place a hand on his shoulder. Your breath hitches in your throat when he smacks your hand away, looking up at you through the gaps in his fingers over his eyes.

"Don't," His voice is shaky, yet still cold and unforgiving. "Don't touch me. You don't deserve to after what you've done. I know how much I mean to you now, I don't need your lame explanations." He straightens up before walking out the door, standing in the frame for a second. "Bandaids don't fix bullet holes." He departs with a swish of his hair, leaving you standing alone in the now deathly quiet sound booth.

He grabs his stuff, slipping a small object into his bag as he hurriedly exits the theatre, wiping off his smudged makeup. He doesn't even take the time to change out of his costume, his brain is too panicked to even think about anything except what you said.

"Excuse me, you work with y/n right?" A person with a panicked expression walks up to him, biting their nails worriedly. His angry expression immediately changes to one of calmness.

"Yes, I do. why do you ask?" He puts on his signature winning smile as he bends down to their height.

"Well, I was with them earlier when they said they had to leave, and they didn't even tell me where before they just left! I know they work here, so I was wondering if you've seen them?" Your friend seems really troubled at your sudden disappearance, but Aurelius had other things on his mind.

"Actually, I think I have an idea of where they might be. Follow me!" His charming disposition and comfortable aura would make anyone follow him without question, including your friend. They started to walk together, the silence between them tense because of the worry that accompanied it. He lead them up and down roads, into busy lanes and quiet walkways. Eventually, they landed in front of a large forest.

"Wait... this is their favourite forest! You're a genius, I don't know why I didn't think to come here sooner!" Aurelius looked at your friend with exquisitely veiled contempt, their eyes shining with hope disgusting him.

"Oh, really?" He feigns surprise, not wanting to give away his true intentions just yet. "I didn't know! I just remember seeing them come here one time after work, I didn't know it was their favourite." He was lying. He knew everything about you. Your coffee order, the route you took home after work every day, the position in which you slept, everything. "Shall we head in?" He asked politely, extending a hand toward them. They nodded, walking into the dimly lit forest.

"I don't think I got your name, sorry."

He scoffs inwardly, berating them in his mind. "How do you not know my name? Me, the Aurelius Yavuz? You should be able to tell from one glance alone!" He thought, but he responded kindly regardless. "It's Aurelius. Aurelius Yavuz. And you?"

"Carmen! It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Yavus!" The way your friend sounds so cheerful disgusts him.

"Likewise," he mumbles, his voice sounding slightly pompous from their ignorance of his status. He brings their attention elsewhere, just wanting to get this whole ordeal over and done with as soon as possible. "I think I heard a noise over that way, would you like to check it out?" He points towards a dark corner of the forest with a small clearing in the middle.

"That looks like their hiding spot...yes, I think they might be there! quick!" Carmen starts to run into the thicket of trees, leaving Aurelius behind. In the dim light of the evening sun peeking through the trees, his eyes glow with a menacing aura. A confident smirk makes its way onto his face as he follows behind them. He pulls a small knife out of his bag, the shining metal glinting in the light.

"Aurelius...they're...not here..." Carmen's disappointed voice emanates through the forest. He slowly walks toward them, the satisfied look on his face making him seem even more insane than before.

"Aww, now isn't that a shame~?" He steps even closer, now almost nose-to-nose with them. "Don't worry," He brings his arm behind their shoulder, placing his hand right behind their neck. "You won't have to even think about them anymore." In a flash, Carmen collapses to the ground, the once pristine silver knife now tainted with potent red sin.

He dusts off his hand, wiping the blood on the knife onto the backside of his costume. He scoffs as he looks down onto the now still body of your beloved friend, kicking their body into the bushes beside him. He walks away and out of the forest, taking the same path you always take to your residence. He stops in front of your house, knocking on the door. He takes a deep breath and forcefully makes his eyes look teary, needing every tactic he knows to make you believe him. You open the door, stepping back when you see him.

"Aurelius, why are you-"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lash out at you like that. I just...was so upset, I thought this show meant something to you! But, I understand that you have your priorities, so I'm not mad anymore. Forgive me?" He gazes into your eyes, false tears now pooling at the corners of his eyes.

"Oh, Auri..." You embrace him tightly, crying into his chest. "I'm so sorry! I should've stayed, I should've watched, I didn't mean to hurt you that bad, I'm sorry!" You can't see his face as you're sobbing into his shirt, not able to see the knowing smirk on his lips. He pats your head kindly, cooing at you to help you calm down.

"Hey, hey, don't cry... it's okay now. Everything's been taken care of, now it's just you," he kisses the top of your head, rubbing soothing circles into his back as a sharp glint flashes through his eyes.

"and me."

taglist!! @lasagna-goob @izizzl @skylark144 @cyphertryagain

#zain>>works #tw yandere #tw obsessive love #tw murder #tw blood ment #yandere blog #yandere writing #soft yandere #yandere x you #yandere #yandere oc #yandere x reader #yandere oc x reader #oc x reader

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whatsa-bi-as · 3 months

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first time

GN!reader x Haku Shota (Soul)

song; first time - Hozier

plot; a young couple talks about whether it would be worth trying again to make a relationship work

genre; angst

warning; none - let me know if I've missed any

word count; 1.4K

networks; @kflixnet and @k-labels

proofread; by the wonderful @gyumibear go check them out they've been a lot of help!!

a/n; I'm thinking of doing some stuff inspired by songs and this was kind of a test run :)

masterlist is here

“Do you think that this could have worked? You and me?”

It was a risky question, but one you hadn’t been able to get out of your head for weeks. It was eating you up inside, and if you didn’t ask it now, you probably never would. The silence that followed filled the air around the both of you and it was deafening.

“I don’t know. I mean, we tried. We tried twice, and Keeho always says 'third times the charm'. So maybe we would, maybe we wouldn’t.”

This was your ex-boyfriend, but your first love. This was the boy you had loved with all your heart, the boy you had watched grow into who he is now, the boy you had always supported with everything you could give.

“One of my mates tells me about this philosophical idea she read about. She thinks it’s just to make people have hope that things could have turned out differently. It’s the idea that there are different versions of people in different universes. ”

He smiled, but he didn’t say anything. He just let you keep talking and listened to you, like he always had, whether you were together or not.

“Which means that in one universe there's a version of us that never met, in another you were always my best friend but nothing more, and in some far off universe it worked out the first time. We never had to wonder if it would work because we… we knew we’d be together forever.”

“So we’re in the one where we tried, but it never happened.”

“Pretty much, yeah. That sucks, doesn’t it. Out of all the universes to be in, we got this one.”

He took a second to think about it. The idea of alternate universes was a lot to take in, especially when it was randomly presented to you late on a Wednesday night.

“What do you think we’re like in that last universe, the one where we never broke up? Do you think we call each other every night and put our beds together in Minecraft?”

You couldn’t quite tell if he was joking or not, but that was typical of him, always trying to make you laugh, even in the middle of a semi-serious conversation. Once he told you that he did that because he thought your smile was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, and deep down you still hoped that was the case.

“I like to imagine that we’re planning our future. I’m stressed about university applications and you're telling me to relax, that I’ll be fine. We’re also bickering over what colour the rug should be in the living room because you think it's the perfect shade, but I am convinced that it’s too dark for the colour palette we chose.”

“If we would bicker over anything, it would be over what mugs we have on the side and which ones go in the cupboard. You want the ones we use everyday to be on display and I think that glass ones would go better with the decor."

You could picture that argument, and try as hard as you might that one did make you laugh.

“That's the only right answer! It’s not only practical, but a house isn’t a home unless you add some personality to it, and what better way to do that than with mugs!”

“I guess one thing that doesn’t change between that universe and this one is that I know you better than you know yourself.”

The wind was not the only thing that sent a shiver down your spine. It was the fact that he was right, this boy could read you like a book, you didn’t have to say anything for him to know that you were upset, or happy, or stressed, just anything. He always knew exactly what to say or do, and although you used to love that about him, now it just leaves a bittersweet taste in your mouth.

“It's way too cold for us to be out this late.” He stood up and held out a hand to help you up. “Let’s get you home.”

“Do we have to go just yet?”

This night felt perfect. It was like a bubble had formed over the two of you, blocking out any fear and anxiety, but you knew that the moment you walked through your front door, you’d have to deal with all of it.

“You hate the cold. I’m honestly surprised you’ve lasted this long without complaining.”

You just looked up at him silently pleading for him to say no. For him to sit next to you again.

“We can walk slowly, but it’s late, it’s dark and it’s cold, so I’m walking you home whether you like it or not. And I’m not taking no for an answer, so..."

This was a situation you’ve been in before. He's not going to give in. You wouldn’t either if it was the other way around, so you take a deep breath and take his hand. The feeling sends a sense of nostalgia and hope deep into your soul. There's something about holding his hand that just feels right, like it was made to fit in yours.

The walk starts off in silence, the previous conversation soaking in like winter rain into a jumper. It was comfortable but as you got closer to your house and the seconds began to tick away, there was so much that you had to say, but so little time.

Passing the bench where you spent plenty of late nights when you first started dating you just let it out. All the things you'd been meaning to say over the last few years came out all at once.

“I did love you, you know. Sometimes it's hard for me to realise that I love people because in some ways it just comes so naturally. I know I love my family and my friends, because I mean that's a given, but when it comes to like, romantic love, that's a bit harder to realise. I don’t think I truly realised I loved you until I knew it would never be the same again. You’d never put your arm around me while we talk to our friends, you'd never pick me up for late night snack runs, or send me stupid pictures when I’m having a bad day, and I really, really miss that. I miss you.”

“You love me?”

“I did.”

“Do you still love me?”

“I think a part of me always will. You were my first love. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you completely.”

“You were my first love too.”

You had reached your front door. The night was over. You had said everything you wanted to say, so nothing should really stop you back from going inside. You weren’t together, in theory you owed him nothing.

In reality, this boy was the first one to hold your heart in his hands and try his hardest not to let it break. He was your first love and it felt impossible to leave him. His hand in yours warmed your heart more than any blanket ever could. It just felt right to be with him, but you had to leave. This doesn’t work and as painful as it is, you just have to admit it. It would be for the best if you could find the strength to turn away.

Instead, you just look at him, admiring how his eyes shine like the stars, how he’s so young but already has laugh lines, and he doesn’t care because it means he’s lived a happy life. He was perfect, and the fact that it wasn’t meant to be broke your heart into smaller and smaller pieces every time you thought about it.

He was the one who broke the silence first.

“Can I kiss you? One last time to say goodbye?”

“Yes. Yes, you can.”

Breaking apart neither of you really knew what to say. You were both so different from the people you were when you first met, but the moment after you broke away it was as if nothing had changed. You were back to being those nervous kids again, whose cheeks got warm every time you held hands because it was all so new.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Shota.”

#kflixnet #k labels #soul angst #p1harmony fluff #haku shota #soul fanfic #soul x reader #soul x you #p1harmony #p1harmony x reader #soul p1harmony #shota angst #haku shota x reader #shota fanfic #p1harmony angst

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painting-warhammer · 13 days

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Magus in the style of Queen (Deltarune)

Definitely a messier one, and a drop in quality. Really just the result of me wanting to have a fun figure I did on the side for a series I'm obsessed with. Commentary under cut.

For practice figures, literally what I will do is just go through the Games Workshop store, see a figure and then realize "holy crap... I could paint this like [_____] from a series I like!", or in other words, how every Warhammer fan over 40 paints their Tyranids as the xenomorphs. It ends up being the equivalent of a mini-painting "doodle" or "warmup" in between working on the "real" army. I don't really think about or worry over making a larger "thematically connected" army.

What's kinda sad is that, with Queen in particular, I actually did buy another Genestealer Cultist figure with the intent to paint them as a Deltarune character. I have a primed Abominant that I was planning to paint as Lancer and the King.

Even separately from that, I considered having Lancer on his bike as an Atalan Jackal. But you'd have to get a full set of five, and honestly I just want the one popping a wheelie.

Not to mention, goddammit, that now I actually have Green Stuff. I shouldn't have primed them! I could have connected the hammer to his stomach and made the spade... at the very least, I should have given them their coneheads. Damn.

Anyways, Queen. Not a lot to say, you can see paint going over the lines and somehow only the wineglass-turned-staff is the only good looking part. I didn't busy myself too much with details and I think this was unfinished; I don't remember what state I considered this to be in when I last touched it a year ago. I might give some shade to the gown and the head, and boots and cowl deserve an edge highlight or two. Apologies to trypophobes when it comes to whatever the fuck my primer did to the inside of her thigh...

It's also to kinda say fixing her up is not my top priority. I finally have enough figures in my actual army to play the game (this took LITERALLY three years) so that's where my focus is going to be. That's not to say no forever, but it is to say TTFN.

What I was really hyped about was the base. I took a copy of Fairly Oddparents: Breakin' Da Rules for Game Boy Advance, an absolutely awful Megaman clone that will not be missed. and then sanded it down until it was just small enough to be based. I drew with a marker the relative circumference I had to get it to. I suppose I could have freehanded the wires but I'm sick of my bases being dirt and debris, I wanted something nice. Only problem was the glue gun definitely made a big ol' gap between the base and the basing.

I think most of the fun of this one was daydreaming about how this fits in the 40K universe. Her standing on a microchip is probably impossible, that's only a factor of her being the size of one in real life, but who knows. I imagine that she's from a Genestealer Cult that had infected a Forgeworld, specifically. I think there are gameplay mechanics to venerate a bug version of the Omnissiah? Don't know for sure.

That's all for now! If you have started following me or read my other posts, thank you for all the notes across all of them. It's very humbling; I really don't think these are very good and I think any goodwill is based on who they are rather than any ability/talent rendering those people. The next few posts are going to be my actual army and the lore I wrote up for them, but that doesn't mean that's the end of the "[Warhammer Character] in the style of [Thing From Franchise]" posts. I have three that are started and unfinished, and I might do touchups or even outright re-dos of the previous ones I've posted. Thank you for your support. I don't do this for cash [what Warhammer fan can?] or clout so getting even a like has been very encouraging and flattering.

#Queen Deltarune #Deltarune Queen #Deltarune #Q5U4EX7YY2E9N #Delta Rune #Genestealer Cults #Magus #Painting Warhammer #Games Workshop #Warhammer #Warhammer 40K #WarhammerCommunity #Warhammer 40000 #WH40K #WH 40K #Warhammer Painting #Miniature Painting #Painting Miniatures #Mini Painting

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neon-lights-and-glitter · 1 year

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Lips Of An Angel- Epilogue - Nothing Has Been Easy

Summary- A summary of the next couple of years for you and Jack. Nothing in your and Jack's relationship has been easy, so why would trying to start a family be any different.

Word Count- 4.9k

Warnings- Infertility, mentions of divorce, very brief mention of cheating.

A/N- I tried to write this so you could read it without reading the rest of the series, but I do recommend that you do otherwise there might be one or two parts thats a little confusing. Thank you so much to the anon who asked for this, I think this might be my favorite thing I've ever written.

“You may now kiss the bride.”

You and Jack smiled at each other before pressing your lips together as both of your family and friends cheered. You both pulled away before smiling at each other again. You walked hand in hand back down the aisle.

You and Jack were led into the room where you had been getting ready earlier in the day. Jack helped you change from your wedding dress to a comfier dress for the reception. Jack took your hand.

“Come here.” Jack led you gently to the couch that was in the room, sitting down before pulling you down gently onto his lap.

“Jack.” You warned. “We don’t have time to do anything.” You told him giggling as you sat down on his lap. Jack laughed softly and shook his head.

“I know, that’s not what I want.” Jack gently placed his hands on your hips. “Well, actually, that’s not entirely true, I do want that, but there’s stuff that I wanted to keep between us, so I didn’t say it in my vows, but I want to tell you now.” Jack told you, leaning back on the couch.

“Because you haven’t made me cry enough today.” You teased, both of you laughing again. You had both already made each other cry with your vows.

“I just wanted to tell you how happy I am that even after everything we’ve been through, you still choose to forgive me. I know our relationship wasn’t the easiest, and I know I didn’t do anything to make it easier. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you didn’t come back that night, but I’m glad you did. I don’t know where I would be without you. As much as I would have gotten remarried to you that night, I’m glad we’ve spent the last 4 years taking things slow and focusing on trusting each other again.” Jack told you, making your eyes water and try to blink away your tears, not wanting to get yelled at your makeup artist for ruining your makeup again.

“I love you baby. We both hurt each other, and I know that doesn’t make things right, but if there was anyone I want to spend the rest of my life with its you. We both wanted to make our relationship work and we did. I would have come back any night, I never had the intention of leaving forever. I didn’t want to. I’m completely okay with everything that happened because it made me realize how much I want, or need, you in my life.” You told Jack, his eyes starting to water as well.

“I love you so much.” Jack told you, leaning forward to press a kiss to your lips. “I will admit, I’m glad I got to marry you twice.”

“I would marry you every day if I could.” You said, reaching up to run your fingers through his hair.

“Are you sure we can’t be a little late to the reception? I just want to be alone with you.” Jack asked.

“I do too, but I think they might be waiting on us already, I mean it is our reception, I feel like we’re required to attend.” You told Jack who pulled you closer to him. “After tonight we have a week alone, I think we can make it through a couple hours.” You said, leaning forward to kiss Jack again.

“I can’t wait to have a proper honeymoon this time.” Jack said and you both laughed softly.

“Me too, I’m glad we did things properly this time, not that I regret how we did things last time, and maybe it’s just where we are in our relationship, but I feel a lot better about things this time.” Jack admitted and you nodded in agreement.

“I am too, as much as I loved getting married to you the first time, this time feels better, things are going to work out this time. As much as I say I’d marry you every day no more weddings after this one.” You joked.

Jack sighed softly as he woke up, he had been dreaming about your wedding night a lot more often recently and he wasn’t quite sure why. He laid in bed for a moment, trying to fall back asleep before he finally realized you weren’t there. Without opening his eyes, he reached out for you, trying to pull you back into his chest. The bed was empty. Jack could tell no one had been on that side of the bed in a while, it was cold. Jack opened his eyes, another confirmation that the bed was empty as all he started at was an empty pillow and a blanket that had clearly been moved to the side.

Jack rolled onto his back and ran his hands through his hair. As tired as he was and as much as he wanted to go back to bed, Jack decided to get up. Jack checked his phone to see what time it was, seeing that it was 3:28am.

Jack sighed softly before walking out of the bedroom and down the stairs to where he now saw the living room light on. Jack turned the corner quietly, seeing you sitting on the couch, hugging your knees to your chest. He couldn’t see if you were currently crying, but he heard your sniffles, a sign that you had at least been crying recently.

“Are you okay?” Jack asked quietly as he approached you, sitting down on the couch next to you. You nodded, laying your head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer.

“Yeah.” You sighed softly.

“Why’d you come out here?” Jack asked.

“I just couldn’t stop thinking and you were sleeping so I didn’t want to wake you up.” You explained and Jack sighed.

“Baby, you should have woke me up. Are you still thinking about the appointment earlier?” Jack asked and you nodded.

“I know what you’re going to say but yes.” You admitted. Jack sighed softly and pulled you gently into his lap.

“I just don’t want you to stress yourself out about it more then you already have. I know we both want a family, but I promise you, one way or another it will happen.” Jack told you.

“I just want to know why it hasn’t happened yet. They said there was nothing wrong. Nothing stopping me from getting pregnant, nothings stopping you from getting me pregnant, so why hasn’t it happened yet?” You asked.

“I don’t know baby, I don’t have any more answers than you do. There are other things we can try, and if that doesn’t work, we have other options. We will have our family one day I promise.” Jack told you, rubbing your back as you started to cry, Jack hugging you as close to his chest as he could. He buried his head into your neck, letting his own tears fall as he cried with you.

You and Jack had decided shortly after your one-year wedding anniversary that you wanted to start trying for a baby, but it was a year later and so far, you had no success.

The last year had been one of the toughest times in your relationship with Jack, even after everything you had been through.

3 months into trying and you weren’t pregnant, but neither of you thought twice about it.

6 months into trying and countless pregnancy tests later, they were all still negative. Jack was by your side every time you took a test, reassuring you that it was okay. It just wasn’t meant to be that month, but maybe next month was the month. Jack would hold you as you cried. Even shedding a few tears himself.

Even though Jack had been nothing but supportive, 6 months into trying was also when you both started to distance yourselves from each other. Jack would spend countless hours at the studio, or doing interviews, playing shows, anything that would distract him. Somedays he would leave before you woke up in the morning and come back home after you were already in bed.

Though you weren’t handling the situation any better, you would constantly try to find some way to busy yourself. You no longer joined Jack at the studio, the weekly date nights you used to have with Jack became monthly date nights, if that. Some nights you didn’t even face each other when you slept. Which might not seem like a big deal, but you could count on one hand the number of nights you and Jack didn’t cuddle before this.

9 months in and you realized that you could be holding a baby in your arms by now, but you weren’t. You weren’t even carrying one in your belly yet. That’s when you really started to think about it. Did Jack blame you for not being pregnant yet? He would never blame you, he knew you had no control of when you got pregnant, but that didn’t stop you from thinking that he did blame you. You knew that you blamed yourself so why wouldn’t he? Jack had also started to blame himself at this point, also thinking you were blaming him, but you weren’t, you never would, you couldn’t when you were too busy blaming yourself.

9 months in was also when you noticed a change in Jack when you took a pregnancy test. How hopeful he would get when you told him you were taking another one. You also saw how that same hope would leave his eyes when it came back negative. How even though you could tell he was upset, he would still smile and reassure you that it was okay, maybe next month, trying was the fun part anyways. You saw how the smile didn’t reach his eyes and it started to affect you more than anything else has.

You stopped telling Jack when you would take pregnancy tests. You couldn’t handle seeing the disappointment in Jack anymore. It hurt you more than your own disappointment did, and that was saying a lot.

Jack knew though. He saw the pregnancy tests you tried to hide in the trash can in your bathroom, or the pregnancy test boxes disappear from the cabinet. The fact you no longer wanted Jack there when you took the pregnancy tests hurt Jack more than the disappointment he felt when the test was negative. Every time you took a pregnancy test, you were together, why did it change now?

12 months in was when Jack brought up the idea of going to a doctor, and you agreed. At first, he was hesitant about bringing the idea up, he wasn’t sure how you would react, but you agreed. You would do anything to give Jack the baby he had wanted and talked about since you met him. Of course, you wanted a baby just as bad as Jack did, you were the one to bring up the idea of starting to try to conceive a baby. The second the words came out of your mouth you saw the way his eyes lit up and you saw how happy he got at the idea of you two starting a family.

Jack made a few calls and within a couple days you were both seeing the best doctor he could get you into. You both wanted answers, though once you didn’t receive any, you were both conflicted. Sure, it was good news that you could get pregnant on your own, but you didn’t know why you hadn’t. You wanted a resolution, a way that you knew you would have a baby. All you got was an overview of your future options and a suggestion to try for a couple more months before you try any of those options.

13 months in and 1 month after your appointment and you were taking yet another pregnancy test. You didn’t even want to know how many you have taken at this point. You set the test face down on the counter as you set a timer on your phone. You tried to busy yourself for the next 5 minutes, rearranging things on the bathroom counter, which had been rearranged several times over the last year. You couldn’t help but glace over at the timer every 30 seconds.

You weren’t even sure why you were taking another pregnancy test, you had no symptoms, your period wasn’t late, but you had hope. The same hope you had every month that maybe this month would be different. The same hope that you were losing every time you looked at another pregnancy test and it was negative.

After what felt like the longest 5 minutes ever, your timer went off. You took your phone in one hand, and the pregnancy test in the other without looking at it. You walked into the bedroom, sitting on the side of the bed now holding the pregnancy test in both hands. You sighed before you flipped it over.

Negative.

You felt nothing and everything at the same time. You stared at the test for another minute, emotionless, thinking that it might change, but it never did. You didn’t stop yourself from throwing the plastic stick onto the ground, watching it break into two, just like any hope you had left. Watching as the plastic stick broke was when you felt everything and let yourself burst into tears.

Jack had decided to come home early that night, about 45 minutes after you had taken the pregnancy test. Of course, you hadn’t told him that you took it so when he walked into the bedroom, trying to find you, and he saw you sobbing, he was confused for a moment, instantly rushing over to you.

“Hey, why are you crying, tell me what’s wrong?” Jack asked, his eyes landing on the broken stick on the floor. He knew instantly what was wrong.

“I’m sorry.” You managed to let out in-between sobs, Jack hugging you close to his body as you held onto him tightly. As much as you would have never admitted it, you needed him in that moment.

“You don’t have to apologize, this isn’t your fault.” Jack told you, rubbing your back as he whispered reassuring words into your ear. You didn’t feel like you deserved him in that moment. Here he was comforting you over something he wanted just as much as you did, yet he never let you know how much it hurt him too.

Jack comforted you for as long as you needed it, until he heard your sobs slowly get quieter. Even then he never let go of you until you pushed him away.

“I’m done Jack, I can’t do this anymore.” You told him, standing up from the bed, grabbing the pieces of the pregnancy test off the floor and throwing them into the garbage can.

“What do you mean? Do you want to take a break from trying?” Jack asked and you shook your head, walking back towards him.

“I’m done with us. I can’t keep fucking doing this to you or to me every month. You deserve someone who can give you what you want, and I can’t so I’m done.” You grabbed a random bag out of the closet as Jack stood up to follow you.

“Wait, let’s talk about this. If you want to stop trying, that’s okay. I know it’s stressful, but we need to sit down and talk about this, I’m not letting you leave.”

“No. You want a happy family, and that’s not what we are anymore. We barely see each other unless we’re having sex or I’m crying and you’re comforting me. Maybe our date night, but even then, it’s just awkward conversation because neither of us want to address the fact that I haven’t gotten pregnant. I know you, and I want you to be happy, and I know you will be happier if you get the life you always pictured.” You told Jack, throwing random stuff into your bag just as quickly as Jack was trying to get it out.

“You don’t get to make that decision for me. I am happy with you, even when we were going through the worst of our relationship, the cheating, the lying, everything, I was never happier with anyone else then I was with you. You can’t tell me you don’t feel the same way because we wouldn’t have kept coming back to each other if you didn’t. I don’t want anyone else. I don’t care if you never get pregnant and we never have kids, but there’s things we can still try. We have options. We can’t just give up now.” Jack argued.

“But you aren’t going to make that decision so I’ve made it for you Jack. I’m doing this for you. You say you don’t care now, but what happens in 15 years when you hate me because you gave up the one thing you’ve wanted you’re entire life. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not find out.” You were happier with him than anyone else, but how could he feel the same way about you.

“I’m never going to hate you, I never could. What about all the work we put into our relationship? Are you just going to throw the last 6 years away?” Jack asked as you finally zipped up the bag you were packing.

“I’m not going to let you give up on something you’ve wanted your entire life just to be with me Jack. I’m sure you can find someone who loves you just as much as I do, and that you’ll love as well who will be able to give you what you want. I’m sorry I can’t be that person for you. You know I wanted to be.” You told Jack.

“I told you, I’m not letting you leave me again, not after we worked so hard to make our relationship work. The most important thing in my life is you, I don’t care about anything else as long as I have you. You can walk out that door and I don’t care if you go get a hotel 5 minutes down the road, or fly halfway across the country, I will follow you because I’m not letting you leave me, not because of this.” Jack said, watching as you thought about your decision.

You couldn’t leave Jack, not after everything you’ve been through with him. Did you fully believe that he would be happy with you without kids, no, but you also knew there was other options.

“I’m sorry.” You repeated your words from earlier before you dropped your bag to the ground and took a couple steps towards Jack who immediately grabbed you, not wanting to let you go and risk you changing your mind. “I don’t want to leave you, I can’t.” You told him.

“Hey.” Jack said, using one hand to tilt your chin up towards him so he could look into your eyes. “Nothing has been easy for us, but that’s okay, I don’t expect for it to be, but I will do my best to make it as easy as possible and always be there for you. Do you think we should take a little break from trying so hard to have a baby? The doctor said stress isn’t helpful, and I think we’ve both been stressed out because of it. It doesn’t even have to be a long break, just a couple of months, and then we can go back to the doctor and figure out our options?” Jack asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, I’m serious when I say I can’t keep doing this, it hurts too much.” You said, burying your face back into Jack’s chest. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Jack asked.

“For always being there for me. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you, I know it hurts you too.” You apologized and Jack shook his head even though you couldn’t see him.

“You don’t have to thank me for that, I’m your husband, that’s what good husbands do. It hurts, but what hurts me even more is seeing you hurt and upset.” Jack told you.

“I love you so much.” You lifted your head up to press a kiss to his lips.

“I love you too, I’m not letting you leave that easy.” Jack reassured, kissing you again.

You and Jack decided to take the next 6 months to just focus on your relationship, instead of trying to get pregnant. The weekly date nights that had turned monthly over the last year were back to weekly, if not more often than that. Jack stopped spending every day at the studio or distracting himself with work and even scheduled a week and a half off so you two could go on a vacation, just the two of you.

It was hard at first, it felt like you were giving up on your dreams of starting a family, but you weren’t. You both needed this break.

About 4 months into the 6 months, you agreed on, you noticed that your period was 3 days late. You told Jack you wanted to take a pregnancy test, just in case. You didn’t want to get your hopes up, but you would be lying if you said you didn’t.

Jack had offered to go pick up a couple pregnancy tests at the store as soon as you told him, he made you get rid of all the unused pregnancy tests when you had decided to take a break. Of course, you both knew there was a chance you would still need them, by taking a break trying for a baby, that didn’t mean you stopped having sex, you just stopped having sex with the intention of having a baby, but he thought it was best to not have them in the house to remind both of you constantly. He was right, and if you needed one, like you did now, it’s not like they were hard to find.

Jack walked in the front door, immediately finding you and handing you the bag.

“They didn’t have the brand we got before, so I got 3 different brands, I didn’t know which one to get so I got options.” Jack said and you laughed softly at his explanation.

“Thank you baby.” You kissed him as you took the bag out of his hand. You walked upstairs and into your shared bedroom, Jack following you and sitting down on the bed while you walked into the bathroom.

You decided to just take all three tests before setting them face down on the counter and setting a timer on your phone before walking out into the bedroom and sitting down on the bed next to Jack who instantly pulled you into his lap and you buried your face into his neck while he pressed kisses onto your head. You both sat in silence for a moment before you spoke up.

“What if it’s negative?” You asked quietly, Jack sighed softly before gently pulling you away from him so he could look at you in the eyes.

“Then that’s okay. If it’s negative, we will be okay.” Jack told you, but honestly, he was saying that for himself just as much as he was saying that for you. “I know how bad you want this, how bad we both want this. It’s okay to be upset if it’s negative, but I promise you, we will have a baby eventually, I’ll make sure of it. We’ll go back to the doctors and try the fertility treatments, or we can always adopt, no matter what, we will have the family we want.” Jack reassured you and you nodded.

Soon the timer on your phone was going off, you sighed softly before standing up from Jack’s lap and walking over to where the pregnancy tests were on the counter, Jack following right behind you. Even though you weren’t expecting the test to be positive, you had regained the hope you had lost previously. You reached for one of the three tests before Jack stopped you.

“Wait.” He said, making you look over at him. “You know I love you, and no matter what that says, positive or negative, it’s not going to change that right?” Jack asked and you nodded. You had opened up to each other about your feelings more after your fight that night and Jack wanted you to know that even if you two never had a child, even if you decided to not adopt or try fertility treatments, he would love you the same.

“I know, I love you too.” You smiled softy, tilting your head up to kiss him once before picking 2 of the sticks up, handing one to Jack without looking at it. “Flip them on 3?” You suggested and Jack nodded.

You hesitated before you started to count down, not really wanting to look at the result, but you knew you had to.

“One, two, three.” As soon as you said three, you both flipped over the test that you were holding. You both looked at the test, then each other, looking back down at the test before looking at each other one more time. Your eyes found each other’s as they started to water.

“Positive.” You both said at the same time before you both smiled, setting the tests down on the counter as Jack wrapped his arms around you, picking you up and pressed kisses all over your face before finally pressing one to your lips.

“I never thought I would see that.” You admitted as tears streamed down both of your cheeks, but this time they were happy tears.

“I can’t believe it, we’re going to be parents.” Jack said. “We’re going to have our own little baby. Holy fuck.” You kissed Jack again before pulling away slowly.

“Let’s look at the other one.” You said and Jack nodded, letting you flip over the third stick to show that it also said positive.

You and Jack laid in bed the rest of the day talking about random things, baby names, what room was going to be the nursery, what the nursery would look like if you had a girl, what the nursery would look like if you had a boy, who the baby would look like more, anything and everything related to your future family. You were both to excited to put your attention anywhere else.

Almost exactly 9 months later, you laid in a hospital bed, holding the tiny baby girl you had just given birth to a couple hours ago. Jack laid next to you, even though he told you it was okay and that it was your bed, he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or cause you any pain, you had insisted that you would be more comfortable with him next to you. Jack laid his hand gently on the top of her head as she slept.

“Do you want to hold her again?” You asked Jack, she had already been passed back and forth between you two a couple times, she hadn’t laid anywhere but either your arms or Jack’s arms, except for the few tests she needed, since she was born. Jack nodded instantly.

“You ask like I’m going to say no. Of course, I do.” Jack smiled as you carefully passed her to him. “I can’t believe she’s real.” Jack said quietly, looking down at her. You could count on one hand the number of times his eyes had left her since she was born, and every time it was to check on you.

“I can’t either, she’s so tiny.” You said, adjusting her bow that one of the nurses had put on her so it didn’t cover her face. Jack looked over at you for a second, leaning over to kiss you.

“Are you tired?” Jack asked and you nodded slightly.

“Yeah.” You laid your head on Jack’s shoulder, looking down at the baby in his arms.

“You can take a nap if you want, I can move.” Jack told you and you shook your head.

“I want you to stay.” You told him. “I don’t want to stop looking at her long enough to take a nap.” You said and Jack laughed softly.

“Me neither.” Jack agreed.

“She’s perfect.” You said and Jack nodded in agreement.

“She is, she’s perfect just like her mom.” Jack said. “You know, if you would have asked me the day that we signed our divorce papers where I would be in 7 years, I would have never guessed that we would be married with such a perfect little family. I have no idea where I would be if you wouldn’t have forgiven me, and I don’t even want to think about it.”

“I never would have guessed this either, but I wouldn’t change a thing.” You told him.

Within minutes you were asleep, you hadn’t slept for quite some time, so it wasn’t surprising to Jack when he looked over to find you asleep with your head on his shoulder still. Jack smiled softly at you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before looking back at the baby.

Jack couldn’t think of a time in his life where he had ever been happier. No amount of fame of money could compare to having you next to him and his baby girl in his arms.

“You were worth the wait.” Jack whispered before pressing a gentle kiss to the top of the baby’s head.

Taglist @jackharloww

#jack harlow #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x reader

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comicaurora · 2 years

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Hello Red! I'm happy to say you've inspired me to start drawing comics, but the biggest issue I've encountered is that it takes actually forever. I'm always really happy I did it when I'm done but it's hard to convince myself to start when I know a couple panels is gonna take me days. So I was wondering if you had any advice regarding streamlining the process for time efficiency or keeping up motivation for long projects, and, if you remember, how long a page took you when you first started vs how long it takes now?

Hoo boy. Yeah, I can help out with that. The very first page of the comic took me, if I'm recalling correctly, a full week. No other projects or pages, just this.

A lot of work went into details that are frankly impossible to see, though I am still glad I did it, both as a learning experience and because I felt like I owed it to Vash to do it some justice before I squished it in twelve pages.

Hell, if you look closely, you can even see the cavalcade of little visual errors I missed because I didn't have it in me to do a seventeenth cleanup pass after a week straight of drawing tiny houses. Getting faster meant I'd have more energy left to polish the pages and get them looking nicer.

The process of getting faster has been kind of a fits-and-starts situation. Drawing that many humanoid figures over and over again eventually means you just get better at the parts you're less sure of, so the process of lining the pages has gotten rather faster since I don't need to burn as much time getting the character poses and lines right. Currently, depending on page complexity, I can fairly consistently get 3-5 pages fully lined in one night. Backgrounds have also gotten faster, and I tend to do those in large batches, sometimes filling out entire chapters with location backgrounds and skyboxes because the scene location isn't going to change and that makes it easier to keep it consistent.

Initially my backgrounds were both more complicated and worse-looking, which is a bad combination.

I ended up deciding between chapters that painstakingly lining a bunch of background trees probably wasn't worth the effort, and worked on finding a shortcut that would work better. I ended up doing something a little more lineless, a shortcut I initially discovered because I didn't want to plug in my drawing tablet and was playing around with things I could do with just my trackpad.

It was simpler, faster, not too jarring, and it meant my clearly-lined foreground figures were more naturally visually separated from the distant background. Win-win-win.

For the style of coloring I do, I tend to shade before I add color, though this is a shortcut I didn't figure out until something like chapter 6. This process is also pretty fast, all things considered, though I've had a lot of practice doing this kind of cel shading which is why I can hammer out a lot of pages' worth of shading quite quickly.

I like working in batches of about one scene, often broken up into subgroups of 4-6 pages at a time, so I can't give a front-to-back turnaround for an individual page - but I also think this kind of assembly-line process has sped up the process overall and makes it more fun for me, because I can storyboard basically as far in advance as I want to, which in turn makes it easier for me to motivate myself to keep going, because I know there's all kinds of good stuff I'm looking forward to drawing down the line. There's some good shit I'm excited for in Chapter 21, and bursts of enthusiasm on the storyboard end of things often translate to enthusiasm on the page-finalizing end which makes it easier to slog through even the tedious bits.

As a bonus, working ahead means the story's got a better chance of making sense and having good pacing when it's read back as an archive. Another win-win.

Overall the greatest optimization tool I can recommend is just working on the project. There's no better way to identify the parts that feel unnecessarily slow and could be changed, or the parts of your art you're unsure of that need polish to get more speedy. If you're planning on publishing the comic anywhere, I recommend building up a buffer beforehand - something like the first chapter (or in my case, first three chapters) will give you a very good sense of what parts need more practice or improvement as you move forward. And it is genuinely easier to motivate yourself to continue if you have an audience giving you positive feedback and/or panicking at what you're doing to their darlings.

#asks #art stuff #writing stuff

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ckret2 · 1 month

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saw your recent reblog about feedback and, though I’ve been occasionally gushing in tags, you deserve to hear what I tell my friends! In general, your writing style is perfect at capturing the timing and delivery of the show itself. I’ve never read a fic i’ve been able to visualize more clearly than this one. You write each character so well that between chapters it feels like i’m right back where i used to be, waiting for new episodes again. I do think you haven’t *quite* solved your side-character-ification (applejackification?) of Dipper problem yet, but other than that you’re doing an astounding job at balancing all the characters and their interactions with each other and with bill in a way that feels natural (plus with these more recent chapters i’m seeing lots of good dipper stuff so you’re definitely getting there with him too! besides, it is nice to see Mabel get the spotlight after all these years anyway. healing, even.) You know exactly how to control an audience’s emotions, you know when to drag something out and when to shut it down, you know when to cut off a conversation and when bring up the fact it was cut off later. Little foreshadowings like the loose tooth are well-planted and plot beats like lucid dreaming are dropped and picked back up delicately and with precision, like pressing piano keys. i don’t doubt for a second it’s all a part of some grand instrument, though i wouldn’t be surprised if you told me most of it was improvised - another way you’re just like the show was. you’ve done the episodic-and-serialized thing better than at least half of all silver-age cartoons that have attempted to do so! I adore the way you show kindness to all characters in your scenes, from gideon’s characterless mother to the little freak himself. It truly feels as though you pick no favorites, and that’s something you do better than the show did tbh. Not that TBOB needed to hook me in with a marketing campaign, but hypothetically, in a universe where I didn’t own a hand-sewn bill cipher throw-pillow and yet somehow still found this fic, I would definitely be excited for it after reading! you’re gifted, and i hope this does numbers on AO3. I truly cannot stand hazbin hotel, but I may go back and read your other works once this one’s over, just to hear your narrative voice. it’s a voice worth hearing, and may it be forever amplified.

oh WOW thank you so much??? 😭 this is SUCH a sweet comment and it means so much to me that you took the time to write all this!!

APPLEJACKIFICATION... that made me laugh. Dipper will get some serious development before the end of the eclipse plot and he's key in the next plot, so I think that'll help him make some progress. But yeah—he's not gonna be as important as Mabel, but I do want to make sure he has a plot that stands on its own, smaller though it may be.

It's 2/3 planned, 1/3 improvised. 😁 I've got a lead time of about 15 chapters between what I've posted and what I've written, so I can do stuff like write the poppet chapter, write the tooth fairy arc, edit the poppet chapter, realize that as long as I'm giving him a bloody lip maybe I can loosen his tooth, edit the tooth fairy arc, have him mention that that tooth was loose. And many chapters I haven't written or outlined yet I have loosely planned in my head so I know how to aim toward them.

Wanting to show kindness to all the characters and wanting to give as many of them an internal life as possible is so important to me, and I'm so glad that's showing through so far!

And honestly I think "I hate [xyz] but I'll read it if you're writing it" is the highest compliment. 😂 All my hazbin fics were written pre-season 1 when all we had was the pilot, a couple comics, creator comments, and some Helluva to go by; but idk maybe you'd consider that a plus lol. (If you're interested, on ao3 I've also written Transformers, Godzilla, some Pokémon, and a smattering of other things.)

Thanks again for sending such a nice message!

#cartoonchaos #ask #about my writing #bill goldilocks cipher

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rad-ramenkingles · 7 days

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Kinko Revamp Process

Wanted to try something slightly different with this post, call it a little behind the scenes process.

As you all know, I am Ramenking…

I make pixels, and I have done for a good long while, and today to lead up to my next Blurry Boy post, I want to show you a little bit of what my process has been for these revamps. Let's start with Kinko, as he is the first to have been revealed.

So when it comes to Kinkotsuman, out of the whole group I did. He is a character I mainly like for the uniqueness of his look, and the specific body type on him. As a character he is abit of a… Iffy guy for me. Just I'm not the biggest fan of trash Dad’s, like Kinko just falls right into that category full stop guys. Poor Bone Cold. 😔

All that said when approaching him it was quite an interesting task, as he is actually one of only 8 characters from the Kinnikuman franchise I've been spriting since I started in this little pixel square field. I did start other characters but they always were forever WIP stuff. All of those works though are long gone, probably on an old laptop somewhere in a storage room. That said, I at least have Kinko here looking nice and rough.

This period of spriting for myself wasn't the best one looking back on it. Majority of my work was more akin to sloppy edits and recolours trying to fit into a style I had little to no skill at all in. That being said it was still fun to actually make pixels for the first time, so it drove me to further dabble.

That nicely leads us to 2011 Kinko next to 2011 Kinnikuman…

Kinkotsuman and others get a face lift, or just get made for the first time in some cases. What's a bit neat about the Kinkotsuman Pixel of 2011, this sprite was initially a revamp made by an old forum buddy of mine (with heavy tweaks after made by myself). I had a mighty struggle with his head, my brain just couldn't get it and his could, the hair as well I kept having a problem with and Poof all of these issues were non existent, to him. What I really liked about this Kinko compared to the 2009 attempt was the body type actually got closer to what I envisioned. (Still a bit too tall though, and wide to a degree though)

See I've never been a massive fan of slightly buff Kinko as a norm. Not saying it couldn't make for an interesting growth of the character body wise throughout the series. Just in my head, he is Skull and Bones guy, and that type of person shouldn't have to much meat on his bones. All that said I do enjoy me a good character evolution over time chart. Might do one for all the Kinniku Characters like I did this quick mock up of Kinnikuman one day.

Onto now… When I approached Kinko this time, I wanted to try and strike a balance between the newer look Yude does for him, his first appearance look, and the anime look.

So I had examples of all three works as I went to it. I took the 2011 sprite and stripped off the colors and from there I readjusted placements of black lines inside the framework, and trimmed the framework down where I saw fit aswell. Then I laid back in some of the flat Colors across it all when I was happy with my framework. Then came the first run of shades. I take a look, see how I feel, then I will make adjustments where I see fit in different ways, just to get across the “Feel of the Character” that I want to achieve with this sprite.

Aside - |{When I say “Feel of the Character”, I am meaning I want whatever I do, however complex or simplistic it is with my pixels. I want someone to look at that, and the drawn character and be like “Oh yeah, I see it. That's them.” Like I'm not after getting every detail 100% perfect, really if you are working in pixels as small as I am. You flat out can't be. But what I want to do, is get that feel of them across as best as I can. Sometimes that means sacrificing certain elements (You will see that in some sprites to come), other times it means really emphasizing sometimes a single aspect of the sprite. It's a fun little challenge every time, sprite by sprite I have to play with. By no means though am I a master at this pixel thing, nor do I want to disparage others who have a different approach. This is just how I prefer to do it.}|

Next once I got the sprite down, I threw up my faceset. Used my WIP Kinnikuman as a base to make edits to find Kinko in the pixels. I chipped away, and remolded bit by bit until. Poof. I got my faceset I was happy with. (Which I was so happy with, it made me not too happy with the sprite so I actually later went back and made yet a last adjustment after the initial posting. Whoops!)

With all that done, I quickly did up a little I'll call it a “Pixel Showcase”. Gathered some old GameBoy text assets for the lettering, and just free handed some shapes and lines to put Kinko and his Face on display for you all. As the last “Showcase” background I realized was a bit busy for the eyes, and you kind of can't appreciate the sprites on display in it. I still very much like it though, so maybe I'll do something with it later on.

And that is all peeples. My behind the scenes Esque thing, to somewhat build interest for the next Blur Boy coming. (Which will come hopefully soon, if work doesn't beat me down too much before) Hope you all enjoyed this, if it's liked enough I might try doing more in the future as it's nice to almost get my process down for all to understand the approach from sprite to sprite, and for my own benefit as well as most of these ideas and practices aren't written but just in my head.

Until the next Blurry Boy post, I gotta rest my fingers now. Seeyah…

Ramen Out!

#Kinnikuman #Kinkotsuman #Yudetamago #PixelArt #Fanart #Shonen #PixelProcess #Breakdown #KinnikuPixels

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crystalninjaphoenix · 9 months

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Spitfire Cat

A JSE Fanfic

SepticHeroes AU: Part 21

First Part | Previous Part

Whoo! I've been waiting for this for forever! :D Jackie goes to confront Spitfire about the information he found, bringing the others along with him. And Spitfire finally opens up about his past and why he hates the League of Heroes so much. I'm so excited, guys. Gonna stop writing this author's note so we can get right to it :)

===============

“That’s... insane.”

“I know, right?!” Jackie paced back and forth in the apartment living room, right in front of the TV. Chase was sitting on the sofa with Frosty at his feet, eyes wide at everything Jackie had just rushed in to tell him. “If—if I was forced to guess at his secret identity, I would never guess that!”

“Yeah. It’s insane.” Chase whistled. “So, let me see if I’m getting this. This guy is the guy who ran into us in JJ’s shop the other day, right? You said you guys did Hero stuff together. And that whole time, you meant that he was a super villain you were working with.”

“Temporarily,” Jackie stressed. “It was a temporary alliance to deal with the Puppeteer stuff. I’ve never worked with villains before.”

Chase raised his hands defensively. “I wasn’t saying you did. Just getting things in order. Anyway, this villain really hates the League of Heroes, but this whole time, he was a Hero.”

“No, he’s not—not, like, being a double-agent or anything,” Jackie said. “He went rogue and then faked his death, and then became Spitfire Cat.”

“Right.” Chase nodded. “How long ago was this Phoenix guy’s fake death?”

“That was three years ago. Spitfire Cat showed up about two years ago.” Jackie rubbed his eyes. “It matches up. Timeline matches up.” A breeze fluttered through the room, flicking clothes and hair. “It all matches up!”

“Jeez, bro, take a deep breath or something,” Chase said. “Look. Does it really change that much? You already knew he—what was his name again? His real one?”

“Marvin Nedra.”

“You already knew Marvin was a criminal, is being a rogue Hero really that different?”

“I guess... not... functionally, but—but it really confuses me!” Jackie sputtered. “Spitfire Cat has always hated the League, and I mean really fucking loathed them. But if he used to be a Hero, then—what happened?”

“Hmm. Dunno. I guess he’ll be the only one to know.” Chase shrugged.

“I guess.” Jackie sighed and stopped pacing. “I gotta tell JJ and Schneep about this.”

“Why? You just said it’s not ‘functionally’ different.”

“Well, I should have told them about that guy being a villain in the first place! I should have let you all know the risks! Besides, I just told you, so it’s only fair I tell them too.” Jackie took his phone out of his pocket and started typing out a message.

“You’re gonna let them know through text?” Chase asked. “Isn’t that a bit like breaking up with someone through the phone?”

“No, I know this is big news, and I’m going to tell them in person. I just need to know when they’re both available. I’m putting this in the new group chat.”

“Oh hell yeah.” Chase grinned. He’d made the group chat the day before yesterday and titled it Windstorm Fan Club. Hilarious.

Jackie sent the text, and got an immediate answer from Schneep. I am at work for the rest of the day. Hospital until evening and then on call for emergencies all night. Tomorrow is the earliest I could meet for this “important news.”

“Hmm. Right. Makes sense.” Jackie nodded.

“It might be a while before JJ answers,” Chase said. “Why don’t you sit down? Stop hovering.”

“I’m not hovering.”

“Yeah, you are.” Chase pointed at Jackie’s feet. There was about an inch of air between Jackie’s shoes and the floor.

“Oh.” Jackie dropped to the floor. “Sorry.”

“No, don’t be. God, were you doing shit like that often and I just didn’t notice?”

“Definitely not. I was being very careful. And you’re very smart, you would have seen if I’d been doing it. I guess I’m just not looking out as much now that you know.” It was nice, actually, to not have to constantly monitor himself.

Another text, this time from JJ. Tomorrow could work. Ned might drop by in the afternoon. He wanted to do something together.

Jackie stared at the message. The breeze in the room kicked up a notch. “Oh.”

Chase checked the group chat on his own phone. His brows furrowed. “Ned’s the guy who’s actually Marvin, right?”

“Yeah.” Jackie paused. “You know what? More than telling Schneep and JJ what I found, I want to tell Spitfire what I found. I need to know what happened and what the fuck’s going on with him.”

“Ah.” Chase raised an eyebrow. “So... the difference is to you.”

“What?”

“You found out some new shit and now you’re seeing him differently. I get it. I mean, I went through that just a few days ago with you and Schneep.” Chase gestured between Jackie and himself. “I get it.”

“...yeah, I guess you would.” Jackie gave a little laugh. Then he turned his attention back to the group chat and typed out another message. Actually, JJ. Ned should be involved in this. Can you tell him when he gets to your shop? Then the rest of us can come over and I can say everything all at once.

A few seconds passed. Sure, I suppose, JJ said. Should I tell him everyone is coming?

I dunno. He might leave if he knows so Ill leave that up to you.

Alright.

Jackie looked back at Chase. “So, ready to go over to JJ’s at any moment tomorrow?”

“I have work, but I can call in sick,” Chase said.

“Great. It takes a while to get to JJ’s place so we’ll have to go right away.” Jackie nodded. He started pacing again.

“Bro, I meant it when I said to sit down,” Chase said. “You’re making me nervous.”

“Sorry.” He stopped again. “Don’t worry. There’s nothing to be nervous about.” Probably. They would be confronting a supervillain with his past tomorrow. There might be cause for nerves then.

===============

They got the text at one thirty the next day. Ned just showed up. We’ll be in my apartment upstairs, walk right in and meet us up there, JJ said.

Jackie and Chase wasted no time, heading down to the train station as soon as possible. They quickly made it to Zeit Way. Possibly a bit too quickly. Chase was panting heavily when they reached Jackson Legacy Crafts and needed to rest for a moment outside the door. Jackie hadn’t realized just how athletic he was until that moment; maybe there was something super about his stamina.

Schneep showed up a minute later. “Chase, are you alright?” he asked, immediately concerned.

“Fine.” Chase was still breathing heavily. “Fine, just... ran. Don’t... run much.” He pressed two fingers to his neck. “Everything’s... fine.”

“Alright,” Schneep said slowly. “Be careful.” Then he turned to Jackie. “So. What is this about? Why is it important?”

“We’ll all talk about it inside.” Jackie pushed on the door, only to realize it was locked. “Wait. Damn it.”

“I got it.” Schneep stepped around him and took a key out of his pocket, opening the door. “After you two.”

They headed in and straight for the staircase at the back, which they took slowly because Chase was being even more careful about stairs than usual. But soon they reached the trapdoor. Schneep was at the front, so he was the one to push it open. Chase and then Jackie followed him up into the apartment.

JJ and Spitfire were sitting on the sofa together, with JJ holding the television remote, switching through movies on Netflix, and Spitfire lounging next to him. It was strange to see the two of them being so casual. But it didn’t last long. JJ noticed the three of them as they entered and put down the remote. I didn’t realize you all would be here so fast, he said. Are you alright, Chase?

“Mm-hmm. Just... we went a bit hard getting over here.” Chase reached down and patted Frosty’s head.

Alright. JJ nodded. So what’s all this about?

“We’re getting to that,” Jackie said, blatantly staring at Spitfire.

There must have been something in his expression, because Spitfire froze the moment he saw it. “Well, uh, I’ll head out now,” he said, hurriedly standing up. “I-I didn’t know you guys had something planned—”

“Oh, we have something planned,” Jackie said. “But you don’t need to leave for this.”

“Holy shit, Jackie, you make it sound like we’re going to murder him,” Chase whispered.

Apparently Spitfire took it the same way, because his eyes were darting all around the apartment. They lingered briefly on the window. As if he was seriously considering jumping out of it. JJ, picking up on the sudden shift in mood, stood up. Jackie mentioned some important news earlier, he said. And he thought you should know too. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.

“Uh, well, Jackie can email me later,” Spitfire said hurriedly. He walked quickly around the sofa, going in a wide circle around Jackie, Chase, and Schneep, and headed for the open staircase trapdoor.

Jackie flicked his hand. A gust of wind slammed the trapdoor shut. All the color drained from Spitfire’s face as he stared at the blocked escape route. “This isn’t email-worthy!” Jackie snapped. “This is something I need to hear from your mouth. I need to know what’s going on, Marvin!”

Spitfire—Marvin’s head snapped around. “What?!”

“Yeah, I know about it!” Jackie strode up to Marvin, who took one step back but no farther. “I found out about Light Phoenix, the rogue Hero. I made the connections—they’re not too hard to see if someone knows enough about you! Spitfire Cat, the villain who hates the League of Heroes, is Marvin Nedra. You are Marvin Nedra, aren’t you?! You’re Light Phoenix!” He paused. “Or, you were, at least.”

Marvin stared down at Jackie. His expression was hard to read, but Jackie could see the emotions in his eyes. Anger was there, as he expected. But it was not the main emotion. Instead... Marvin looked afraid.

“Jackie,” Schneep said quietly.

Jackie glanced back at him. He, Chase, and JJ were all standing in a cluster, looking shocked. And a bit wary. Not of Marvin, though.

“Um... bro, can you... calm down?” Chase asked. “You’re...kind of intense... right now.”

Jackie hadn’t realized how close he was to Marvin until Chase said that. He hadn’t noticed the tight knot in his chest, or the wind rattling around the room. Taking a deep breath, he deliberately relaxed his muscles and took a step back. “I’m not... angry,” he said, turning back to Marvin. “I’m just... very confused. I know you hate the League. You’ve monologued about it enough. But... you used to work with them. Until... something happened. And I’m just... confused.” He didn’t know how else to put it.

The fear in Marvin’s eyes died down, leaving only the anger. “Where did you learn all this about Light Phoenix?” he asked in a deliberately calm voice.

“Hero database profile. I got curious—”

“Why?”

“W-well, uh, a couple people mentioned him, said I was... like him.” Jackie paused. “So I got curious.” He cleared his throat. “And don’t you dare try to say that it wasn’t you or something, the profile had a picture and the guy was clearly you!”

“That’s not saying much. Look around.” Marvin gestured at the room. “We’re all doppelgangers here.”

“Okay, yeah, but I’m not an idiot,” Jackie said. “There was more information there! It all fucking lined up! Powers, nationality, age, height—the fucking burns on your arms like you escaped a fire. Like the fire where Light Phoenix supposedly died.” The wind was back, blowing his hair into his face. He took another deep breath. “Just... tell me why. I-I need to know why.”

Marvin stared at him. His eyes flicked back to the other three in the room, who remained silent. Then he looked back at Jackie. “You know what? Fine. Fine. Maybe this will change some things. Maybe you’ll open your eyes a little.” He turned and quickly walked towards the kitchen area. “Jameson, do you have anything I can drink? And I mean drink.”

JJ didn’t hide his surprise. There should be something in the back of the fridge?

“Great.” Marvin yanked open the fridge door.

“You’re getting drunk for this?” Jackie asked in disbelief.

“Not drunk. But if I’m going to tell a room full of basically-strangers my whole backstory I need some encouragement.” Marvin reached into the fridge and pulled out a bottle of something red. “What is this, a wine cooler? Good enough. Oh, and it twists, very nice.”

“Jamie, are you sure about that?” Schneep asked.

JJ nodded. It’s fine. I wasn’t going to drink those anyway.

Marvin twisted the cap off the bottle and took a small sip. Then a bigger swig. He glanced at everyone else. “Why are you all standing? This is going to take a while. Sit. Jackie, you especially. Don’t you dare leave in the middle of this. You asked for it, you don’t get to walk away.”

Everyone sat down. Chase, Schneep, and JJ took the sofa, while Jackie slowly took a seat in one of the armchairs, and Marvin flopped into the other. “Maybe we, uh... shouldn’t be here for this after all,” Chase said slowly. “It seems kind of... personal?”

“Ohhhh it is,” Marvin said, a bit bitterly, and took another drink. “But you’re staying. Jackie wanted to be here, so here you’ll be until I’m fucking finished. Okay?”

“Uh... alright, I guess,” Chase said. He glanced at Jackie, his eyes wide.

Jackie nodded slowly. He was already regretting his decision to confront Spitfire Cat with everyone here. But surely Marvin wouldn’t hurt people who had nothing to do with this.

“Alright. Where to start?” Marvin swirled the bottle for a moment. “I think... I think we start with my grandmam.”

“Uh...” Jackie coughed. “I-I don’t need to know everything about you—”

“No, this is vital information. I need you to know this so you can understand.” Marvin took another drink. “My parents kicked me out of their house when I was fifteen. They didn’t say that I was leaving and never coming back. They said ‘your grandmother is getting on in years and she needs some help living in the city, and it’s easier for you to transfer schools than it is for us to quit our jobs.’ But everyone knew.”

“Were they... anti-super?” Jackie asked tentatively.

“They were anti a lot of things, but it wasn’t the super part that got me thrown out.” Marvin shook his head. “That doesn’t matter. I didn’t see them again after that, so it’s not important. Fuck ‘em. What is important is how Grandmam reacted. I never understood why my dad was the way he was when she had been his mom. She also knew what it meant when I came to live with her, and she was furious. This sort of righteous, protective anger that I’d never seen—at least not centered around me. She never talked to my parents again, either. And she made it clear I didn’t have to. And I never really felt the need to, after living with her. She made me feel... like I actually mattered. Like I could do anything. And it was because I knew she would be there. Even if I crashed and burned and made some terrible choices, I could always go to her, and she would... she would give me a hug, and... tell me that it was okay... and that I was still her family.” Marvin blinked rapidly. He took a shaky breath and looked away from the group.

“She sounds like a good woman,” Schneep said softly.

“She was.” Marvin swallowed a lump in his throat. “She helped me go to uni. I-I chose somewhere close by. Great place. Learned some stuff. Probably could’ve gotten a decent job with my degree, but I didn’t want a decent job. I wanted to be one of the League’s Heroes.” He glanced at Jackie. “And that’s what surprised you?”

Jackie nodded slowly.

“Well, it really shouldn’t. Everyone loves superheroes. They keep us safe. They protect the innocent and look cool doing it. If you somehow get superpowers, everything tells you that you need to become a Hero. What are you even doing if you’re not using your powers to fucking... fight people? Are you using them for crime? Because clearly that’s the only other option. You don’t want to do crime, right? Then you’ll go to jail. Better become a Hero.”

Schneep raised his hand. “I have powers, and I became a doctor, not a Hero.”

Marvin blinked. “Well congratulations for breaking the mold.”

To be fair, you HAVE done criminal things, JJ said.

“That happened after, it was never my intention,” Schneep waved away that detail.

“In any case,” Marvin continued. “I wanted to be a Hero. I wanted to help people and look cool while doing it. So I started going out on my own. Same way you did, Jackie. Starting with petty stuff and working your way up until you finally feel confident enough to put in the application. Let me tell you, it fucking wrecked my sleep schedule to do classes and hero work at the same time.” He paused. “Grandmam found out. She was always sharp as a tack, even in her 70s. I-I thought she would be mad... but she wasn’t. She just wanted me to be happy. And careful, of course.” He laughed darkly and took another drink.

“So you worked for the League,” Jackie prompted.

“I did. And it was great. Sure, it was demanding, physically and mentally, but the smile on people’s faces when you came to the rescue, the knowing that you were making a difference... it made it worth it, in my eyes.”

Jackie swallowed a lump in his throat. That sentiment wasn’t too far off from his own feelings.

“And it was enough to overlook a lot of little problems with the League that I noticed,” Marvin continued. He looked at Schneep. “You’re a doctor, right? So you know about the fees.”

Schneep nodded. His fists clenched. “They are terrible. I have a fund set aside to help cover it for patients.”

“That has to be a lot.”

“It is. What do you think those ‘criminal things’ Jameson mentioned were for?”

Marvin laughed. “Hell yeah.” His expression quickly became serious again. “And that’s only one of the many things nobody talks about with the League. For example, have you heard of neutrinalin?” He glanced at Jackie. “I know you have by now.” Then at Schneep again. “And maybe you. But you other two don’t have powers, so maybe it’s not common knowledge. When you inject a super with neutrinalin, it temporarily blocks their powers. But the League originally planned for it to permanently disable any and all powers, no matter how strong.”

“What?!” Jackie gasped. “That—No. People would know about that.”

“They did. About four years ago, when word of the League’s plans got leaked, there was a huge backlash against the idea of it. People compared it to chopping off a thief’s hand for stealing. So... the League quietly dropped it.” Marvin rolled his eyes. “But I hear that’s because they couldn’t actually figure out how to make the effects stick forever like they wanted.”

“Okay, okay, that’s a bit sketchy,” Jackie admitted. “You can’t just go around taking away someone’s powers. I mean, unless they’re fine with it, I guess? But who would be fine with that? Ugh, it’s not important!” He shook his head. “What does any of this have to do with you killing a man and faking your death?!”

JJ gasped. Schneep looked shocked. Chase glanced at the two of them and nodded. He’d reacted the same way when Jackie told him everything yesterday.

“So you really did find out everything,” Marvin stated, not a hint of emotion in his voice.

“Yeah! And I’m wondering what the hell that’sall about! Though I don’t know why I’m surprised, you did try to assassinate Pink Sunlight back in July.”

“And if I’d succeeded, she would have been the second person I’d ever killed.” Marvin sighed. “To be honest, I regret trying that now. It probably wouldn’t have done much. But Andras Brand? I’ll never regret that.”

“The profile said that the guy was in custody at the time, there was no reason to fucking murder him! You didn’t have to do that.”

“I think I did, actually.” Marvin locked eyes with Jackie. “And I’d do it again. In a heartbeat.”

Jackie stared back, not backing down. “Why?”

A few seconds passed. Marvin was the first to break eye contact, turning to the side and taking another drink. “Andras Brand was a villain called Hellferno,” he said. “And he was an absolute psychopath. He terrorized the country for years. One time he took a whole city hostage and said he would burn a building full of people every three hours the government didn’t give him some ridiculous amount of money. And then when they caved, he used the money as tinder for the next year. The only reason he wasn’t a national-level threat was because he was smart enough to know what line not to cross.”

“He sounds awful, but—” Jackie started.

“Yeah, I know, he was arrested, I’m getting there, okay?!” Marvin snapped. “Look, Hellferno hated my guts. He said I was a disgrace to fire-based supers, and my powers weren’t even real fire. Which they aren’t, but I never claimed they were. Everyone else described them like that. Anyway. We fought a lot. It started with him attacking me for being a fake fire-super, and then over time I just knew him so well that other Heroes started calling me in to deal with him. And he hated that even more.” A small smirk curled around Marvin’s mouth. “Hated that he kept losing, too. Had to retreat almost every time. I was some upstart who was ten years younger than him, and yet I was better.”

“So you killed your nemesis,” Jackie prompted.

Marvin’s smirk faded. He looked down, picking at the label on the bottle. “He found out who I was,” he said quietly. “We were fighting, and my mask got knocked off, and he saw. I-I was freaked out, but everyone said it was fine, that he didn’t know anything else about me besides my face... but that was enough. I-I later found out that he paid a minor villain to track me down online. I... I didn’t know that at the time, though. I thought it would be fine. It... wasn’t.”

The silence in the room was heavy. Marvin took a deep breath and continued. “I was out on patrol one day. It was quite busy, a lot of small-time villains running around and disappearing before I could put the cuffs on them. And then I heard on the police scanner that... there was a fire. A house fire. At... at my address. At the house where... where I lived with my grandmam.”

Jackie opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He didn’t know what he would have said anyway.

“I ran there right away, but it was too late. Everything was already up in flames. I-I’m not immune to fire but I wanted to run in. She only left the house a couple times a week. I knew she would be in there. I had to go in and get her. But Tasha—have you heard of her, Jackie? Her super name is Downpour. She makes it rain. Before she made it rain on the blazing fire, she stopped me. She held me back, insisting I couldn’t get myself hurt, and I-I was screaming that I was a Hero, I was supposed to charge into danger, and my grandmam was inside, she couldn’t possibly get out on her own, and she—she fucking punched me so hard she knocked me out.” Marvin’s grip on the bottle tightened. “It took five minutes for her to hold me back. Five minutes when she could have started the rain.”

Marvin looked up. “So yeah. Andras Brand murdered the only real family I had left. And I was pissed. But... I was still a Hero. I wasn’t going to lose control. Even when the next time I saw him he laughed about it and asked me how the funeral was. He fucking did it to get to me. Well, maybe he shouldn’t have bragged about it. Because that pissed me off enough to finally get him. We fought. I knocked him out. I used the new neutrinalin stuff. And that was it.”

The silence was deafening. Jackie could have sworn he could hear the clocks ticking in the shop below. He glanced at the others. Chase was stunned, taking it all in. Schneep looked thoughtful. And JJ had tears in his eyes.

“But you know that wasn’t the end of the story,” Marvin continued. “It should have been. But it wasn’t. Brand’s crimes were bad enough to send him to Byrthon Vault, the highest-security super prison in the ‘British Isles.’” He snorted. “British my ass, they’re only one fifth of the countries. But that’s beside the point. The point is, that’s what I expected. That’s what we all expected. But it’s not what happened.”

“It wasn’t?” Schneep asked, looking more curious than surprised.

“Noooo. Because like I said, Brand was smart. If there was one thing he was skilled at, besides sadism, it was getting out of trouble. He made a deal. Hellferno was connected to a bunch of villains, including some major players. So, if he got a nice minimum security prison and less than a life sentence, he would hand them all over. The offer went all the way to the Council of Heroes themselves. And it. Was. Approved.” Marvin’s eyes flashed orange, as bright as the anger in his voice.

“The League doesn’t... doesn’t make deals with villains...” Jackie said slowly.

“Why not? Heroes do it all the time.” Marvin gave Jackie a pointed look.

“That—We’re taking down the Puppeteer!”

“Exactly the sort of logic the League was using.” Marvin took another drink. “But they did it in a different way than you did with me. I... I don’t know how to explain it. I think it’s because there was more than cold logic in your decision. You weren’t like ‘many villains is more than one,’ it was more like... ‘I think we can help people together.’ Does that make sense?”

“I... Just... keep going,” Jackie said haltingly.

“As you wish,” Marvin said drily. “Well, as you can imagine, when I heard about this, I was fucking livid. No one knew Brand better than I did, and I knew he was smiling about it. He’d managed to play the fucking League like a cheap kazoo. I did everything I could to point this out to anyone. I thought, maybe if enough people were talking about it, the League would change their mind and stick to justice. But no one wanted to talk about it. Other Heroes might have disagreed, but they didn’t want to do anything. And forget about the higher-ups. They just said the same sorts of things. Letting Brand get what he wanted was a route to further peace. Which, like, I understand that logic, but—but no! No! This wasn’t the way to go about it!”

“Maybe... you were just upset because of... you know,” Chase said quietly.

Marvin looked at him. The sharpness in his face softened a bit. “Yeah. That... wasn’t helping things. I know.” He paused, and the sharpness returned. “The League said something like that, too. But not in the way you did just now. They said I was ‘compromised.’ Because I was ‘personally involved.’ And I was. Didn’t mean I wasn’t right, but I was. But do you know what they did next? They assigned me grief counseling.”

“You probably shouldn’t sound so angry about that,” Jackie muttered.

“I’m not angry about the decision, I’m angry about how it happened!” Marvin shouted. “Jackie, you probably have heard of the League-appointed therapists by now. Have you actually had one of their sessions?”

“...No,” Jackie said.

“Good. Because they fucking suck. I never had more than three sessions with one of those ‘therapists,’ because they were all saying the same fucking thing. It all boiled down to ‘hey, sucks that your grandmam died, but time to get over it and get back to work. Time to let it go so you can keep doing the sort of thing that got her killed.’” Marvin shook her head, disgusted. The air around him grew hotter. “None of them listened to me when I said I wasn’t ready. None of them acknowledged the situation with her murderer basically going free. They just said to forget about it. And the insult was that when I got a therapist outside of the League, they found out after two sessions and said that if I kept seeing her, they would dock my pay.”

“That can’t be legal,” Chase said.

“Who fucking cares about legal when you’re in the League?! It’s not legal to cut deals with criminals outside of a courtroom! But the League’s never set foot in a courtroom! The League makes its own rules!” Marvin laughed hysterically. “Who gives a shit, right?! What are the world governments going to do? Sue the guys providing free protection for their people?! No, that’d be crazy!” The laughter slowly died down. Marvin stared at the wall. He looked deeply exhausted.

“Did you do it out of anger at the League?” Jackie asked quietly.

Marvin glanced at him, not turning his head. “I did it because it was the only thing I could do. No one was listening. No one wanted to listen. Brand probably had some sort of escape in the works. Maybe he didn’t. But I knew him. He wouldn’t wait for the sentence to pass. He asked for less security so he had a chance of breaking out. And I couldn’t let him go back out there. I couldn’t let anyone else die.” His voice cracked on the last word.

No one dared say anything. Marvin continued. “So I had a plan. I knew that with my Hero status I could access the place they were keeping him. I didn’t tell anyone I was going there. I just showed up, and they let me in. I went straight to the cell. He was... sitting there. Reading a book in a chair. He looked up at me, smiling, and said, ‘Come for a visit? Do you want to reminisce? I have some memories I’d like to share.” Marvin paused. “I didn’t say anything. That smile of his slipped a bit. I always responded to his bait. He stared at me for a moment, and I think he saw my expression even around my mask. ‘Phoenix,’ he said. And then I killed him.” He raised his hand. A small sphere of red energy flickered in his palm. “Straight shot through the heart. It went through the chair, too. He died instantly. I wonder if he was afraid.” The sphere disappeared. “I turned and walked out, and kept walking. Then I started running. I knew what would happen next.”

“Being declared a rogue Hero,” Jackie whispered.

Marvin dropped his hand. “They told you the policy for a rogue, right?”

Jackie nodded. “Rogue Heroes are high priority. All Heroes in the area are to help search for them. If one of them finds the rogue, they’re meant to call it in so everyone can go help with the arrest.”

“Mein Gott, it’s a fucking manhunt,” Schneep whispered.

Jackie jumped a bit. He’d almost forgotten that Chase, Schneep, and JJ were listening as well.

“It’s a fucking manhunt,” Marvin agreed. “It’s really a miracle that I lasted as long as I did. Almost two weeks. Every couple days I’d have a scuffle with a Hero I’d known, some who I thought were friends, and then I’d have to leave the area immediately. I knew I couldn’t keep it up forever.”

“So you faked your death,” Jackie said quietly.

Marvin grinned. There was something grim about it. “Had to commit. Took a few days to prepare.” The grin disappeared. “I did feel like scum for breaking into a morgue and taking some of the cremated remains. But... I knew they could identify human DNA.” He paused. “Nowadays, decoy bodies won’t work. I hear that last year SepTech gave the League tech an upgrade that could identify who remains belonged to by comparing DNA to known samples and relatives. Not sure how many samples they have, but still. Worrying.”

“So that’s how you did it.” Jackie nodded slowly.

“Yep. I made sure they saw me on the edge of Dublin. I started a fire in the warehouse, left the remains in there, and...” Marvin went silent.

“What?” Jackie prompted.

“You know they have all Heroes’ fingerprints, right?”

“Yeah, they use those for the background checks.” Jackie remembered scanning a picture of his inked prints and attaching it to the application.

“Well they don’t get rid of those. If you go rogue, it’s easy to identify you by the fingerprints.” Marvin flexed his fingers. “So I had to make sure they couldn’t use that method.”

Jackie looked at Marvin’s gloved hands. The horrifying realization slowly dawned on him. “You don’t fucking mean—No. No no no no, you can’t mean—Holy shit. H-how the fuck—how do you just do that?!”

“It was... just as... difficult... as you think,” Marvin said haltingly.

“You can’t be fucking telling me you plunged your hands into fire.”

“You WHAT?!” Schneep gasped.

“I’m going to be sick,” Chase whispered. JJ certainly looked like he was going to, as well.

“It didn’t go well, but... i-it got rid of my fingerprints.” Marvin gave a weak smile.

“Yeah, that would do it! Holy shit!” Jackie leaned back in the chair, unable to stay upright at this. “You really hated the League enough to burn your arms.”

“Well the plan was for it to just be my fingertips, but things got... out of control,” Marvin said haltingly. “I’m lucky I can still use my hands, to be honest. I... spent too long thinking about the fire, and... about my grandmam, and the flames got... big. And then... the rest of the building caught quicker than I thought... and I just kept thinking about...” He trailed off, his gaze going distant.

I’m so sorry you had to go through that, JJ said.

“He didn’t have to go through anything!” Jackie shouted. “You didn’t have to burn your hands off!”

“Oh, and how else was I supposed to get rid of my fingerprints?”

“I don’t know! But you wouldn’t have had to do that if you hadn’t gone rogue!”

“I wouldn’t had gone rogue if anyone in the League had bothered to do their fucking job!” Marvin shot to his feet. The bottle fell to the floor, not breaking but spilling its contents in a wide arc. “Wake up, Jackie! They’ll treat you the same way! They may be telling you that you’re some special great Hero now, but that doesn’t mean they actually care enough to help you when you need it! It’s a fucking tough job to protect people! And they’ll push you through it nonstop until you break or go numb and become their little tool!”

Jackie stood up as well. “That doesn’t mean I’ll kill someone!”

“I never thought I would, either,” Marvin said bitterly. “But maybe you’re right. We all break in different ways.”

Jackie didn’t know what to say, but he wanted to say something. He stammered for a moment, then suddenly—

A musical tone filled the air.

Everyone looked towards the source. It was coming from JJ. He looked embarrassed and pulled his ringing phone out of his pocket. Turning away, he checked the number on the screen. Then he stood up. One moment, he signed, and hurried across the room, disappearing into the storage closet for some privacy.

“Huh. Who would call JJ? Don’t they know how one-sided that would be?” Chase wondered.

“Plenty of people do that anyway,” Schneep muttered. “Jameson complains about it often.”

“Well. Anyway.” Chase shrugged. “There’s, uh... a bit of a situation going on here. Marvin, right?”

“Uh... yeah,” Marvin said, suddenly drained of anger.

Chase grabbed Frosty’s leash, letting Frosty pull him into a standing position. “I’m sorry about all that,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry they never let you deal with things the way you needed to. And that they, uh, ignored what you said about the villain you knew a lot about.”

Marvin let out a shaky breath. He nodded, too choked up to say anything.

“And Jackie.” Chase turned to look at him. “You’re right. Murder is bad.” He laughed. “I don’t think anyone here needs to be told that. Even Marvin. But that’s not why he told this whole story. You asked to know why, and he explained. This... isn’t to, uh... justify things. It’s just to explain. To help you understand.” He glanced back at Marvin. “Right?”

Another nod.

Jackie’s head felt like it was spinning. It was so much. It was all so much. It felt like the ground beneath him was rocking, like he was standing on a ship about to go through a storm. The League helped people. The League cared about people. Didn’t they?

But Marvin couldn’t be lying. If he was, he was a phenomenal actor. That grief, that anger, that frustration was all so real.

“You two don’t have to get along,” Chase continued. “But just, like... respect each other, you know? Especially after this guy just bared his fucking soul to us.”

“Yeah,” Jackie breathed. “I... I’m sorry, Marvin. Sorry that... all of that... happened.”

Marvin stared at him. “Thanks,” he said, the word a single quiet syllable.

Jameson returned from the closet, clutching his phone in one hand. “Jamie, is everything okay?” Schneep asked. “You look...” He trailed off.

“Oh, wait, yeah,” Chase said. “You look really tired all of a sudden. What, did you do push-ups in the closet?”

Jameson laughed silently and shook his head. No, it’s just been... an exhausting time for a while. He walked over to the sofa and picked up the remote again, turning on the TV and flipping to the news (which was currently reporting traffic).

Chase raised an eyebrow. “You know we’re still here, right?”

Sorry, I thought some background noise might be appreciated, Jameson said, sitting down.

“Okay, sure?” Jackie said, a bit confused. “Uh... well.” He looked at Marvin. “I’m not... going to leave the League or anything. It’s... hard to, like... match up what you said with what’s already in my brain.”

“You couldn’t leave anyway,” Marvin muttered. “Quitting is a nightmare of bureaucracy, it’s basically only available if you’re retiring from hero work altogether.”

“Uh... that’s another thing that’s hard to match up,” Jackie said. “But as I was saying. I’ll... you said this might open my eyes, and... It’ll be hard to forget.”

“Good.” Marvin folded his arms.

“I just don’t know what you expect me to do with all this.”

“I don’t expect you to do anything. I expect you to think about it. I expect you to reconsider every policy the League has. I’m not asking you to go rogue, Windstorm. Jackie. I’m asking you to... I don’t know.” Marvin shook his head. “I don’t know,” he repeated quietly. “I’m only hoping you’re not as much of an idiot as I thought you were.”

Jackie paused. “Well... I’m still a bit of an idiot,” he admitted. “But I’m not a dumb idiot. If that makes sense.”

“That is arguable,” Schneep muttered.

“Whoa, hey!” Jackie whirled on him. “That’s uncalled for!”

“I saw you for three different injuries, Jackie. I’m sure at least one of those could have been avoided. Not to mention the binding situation.”

“Hey! What happened to confidentiality?!” Jackie put his hands on his hips. “Okay, just out me in front of the super villain, why don’t you?”

“Out? Wait. Oh.” Marvin’s eyes widened. “Oh, you’re—oh.”

“See?!” Jackie gestured at him. “He had no idea!”

“I mean... I-I don’t mind,” Marvin said haltingly. “I don’t really... care. I’m... also... in those circles.”

In the background, JJ silently nodded like Marvin had just confirmed his suspicions.

“Really? Oh, uh... this is awkward,” Jackie said. “I mean, obviously I also don’t mind, it’s just... I never expected to learn that about you.”

“I never expected to tell you. Just wanted to let you know I didn’t mind.”

“Yeah, uh... no one here minds, either.”

Silence descended on the room, thick enough to cut with a butterknife. Everyone glanced at each other, not sure how to break the quiet.

And then—

The TV screeched with static. Jackie jumped and whirled to look at it, as did everyone else. Black and white bars glitched across the screen. And then it all cleared to reveal a familiar face of green eyes and a jagged smile.

“Oh for the love of fuck,” Jackie muttered, covering up the sudden fear he felt with annoyance.

“I know you are watching, Windstorm,” said the Puppeteer, his computerized voice punctuated with static. “I know you figured out what I was planning. But all you’ve done is force me to adjust. Something is happening in the city, Windstorm. Can you figure out what it is? Or where they all are?” He laughed, the sound strange and robotic. And then the screen went to static again, and the normal news segment returned, with the anchor looking confused and worried.

“Shit! Of all the fucking times!” Jackie immediately ran for the window, then stopped. “Shit! I didn’t bring my suit!”

“You don’t carry it with you?!” Marvin asked, surprised.

“I do most of the time, but I wasn’t planning for this to happen!”

“You can never plan for emergencies, you can only prepare,” Schneep said, staring at the TV. “That was this villain. The Puppeteer. What did he mean by that?”

“I don’t know! Something is happening somewhere in the city!” Jackie patted the pockets of his hoodie, even though he knew he hadn’t brought his police scanner or the Red Line. “I have to go figure it out!”

“Wow, um... can we help?” Chase asked.

“Help?”

“Yeah, didn’t you say something about teaming up with this guy to fight the Puppeteer?” Chase pointed at Marvin.

“Your friend’s right, I’m not about to let this fucker get away with whatever he’s trying to do.” Marvin folded his arms.

“And I’m sure I could be of help,” Schneep said.

“I—are you sure, Schneep?” Jackie asked. “It could be dangerous.”

Schneep laughed. “Do you think I’ve never found danger in my exploits?” In fact, there was a fire in his eyes that said he was excited for danger.

“...okay,” Jackie said quietly. “You know the risks. And obviously Spitfire does, too. Um—Marvin does, too. But you two!” He pointed at Chase and JJ. “The best thing you can do is stay home! Where it’s safe! I don’t know what the Puppeteer’s planning, but it’s probably not good to be out and about!”

“Uh... yeah, that makes sense.” Chase nodded. “Do you think it would be safe to take the train back to the apartment?”

“I—Maybe? I can go with you. But JJ, please stay here.”

JJ nodded. He was slumped back against the sofa. I don’t want to go anywhere, trust me, he said. He seemed even more exhausted than before. But... Maybe when you go out for this, you can wear the gift I gave you?

“The—oh. Right.” The bracelets. Jackie chewed his lip in thought. “I think I can do that. I’m not sure how practical it is, but they can fit under the suit.”

I think it will bring luck, JJ said.

“I might forget, so no promises, but I’ll do that.” Jackie whirled around and headed for the trapdoor. “Now everyone! Move out!”

Without even waiting for them to respond, he rushed over, threw open the trapdoor, and ran down the stairs, skipping every other one. His head was still whirling with thoughts after hearing Marvin’s story, but there was no time to waste!

Time to be a hero.

#jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye fanfiction #jacksepticegos #septic egos #septic egos au #jacksepticeye au #jackieboy man #marvin the magnificent #chase brody #dr schneeplestein #jameson jackson #brigid writes fanfiction #septicheroesau

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jojameswinter · 9 months

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What do you think the plot line of s4 will be based on what we’ve learned so far? Chase saying them dealing with reapercussions scares me. Also— what are your thoughts on Jiara’s future like whether they’re together or not and how they’ll be affected as a couple and individually?

OKAY I'M BACK! So sorry this took me forever! I've been buried in jiara week docs 🫠

I actually LOVE that Chase said that...bc maybe it means they'll actually be addressing their trauma, relationships, healing, etc. Like actually showing conversations and scenes that are about these dynamics and character nuances as opposed to the high octane stuff. However, they also said stuff like this about S3 and well!!!!! Anyways...we'll see what happens.

As for plots and jiara's future, there's so much to think about! But here's some thoughts:

I'd like to see plot lines addressing their trauma. All the Pogues have experienced a lot of hardship in various ways, and I'd like to see the repercussions of that, as well as the healing process

I want to see more Carrera stuff. Whether they work it out with Kie, or not, or something in between, I want it to have the fully fleshed out storyline it deserves

I would love to have Luke back! But only if they give him the nuanced plot line he deserves, not just bring him there to fuck some shit up right quick in a way over-the-top manner and dip

I want to see more relationship nuances for all of them. Jarah b still hasn't really addressed their distancing in S3, and they both lost their dads last season. Cleope is forging this new romantic relationship, and I'd like to see how Pope's goals fit in with Cleo's (e.g. his desire to pursue college or endeavors possibly outside obx while she just wants the simple family life she has with the Heywards). Then ofc jiara 😍 I've spoken about this before, but basically, I want to see their beginning stages, how they address their trauma and heal together, how they comfort/support each other...just literally everything! I want every scene imaginable of them, sharing space, breathing the same air, talking, touching, kissing - ANYWAYS!!!! You get me.

I do think jiara is a couple! Even if they're not officially a couple at times, you know? They may have ups and downs or challenges, even periods of separation, but I think at the end of the day they are together

I haven't thought much about what the overarching plot line will be as far as the Blackbeard stuff...if they are already living comfortably, I'm wondering what their motivation will be. I mean I think the Pogues are always up for a good adventure, but they're growing up too and have so much more to lose. Maybe it will have something to do with a possible threat or stopping something bad from happening. Or the opposite, helping achieve something for the greater good.

#jiara #ask #my asks #lovely anon #diana answers #obx3 #obx4 #jarah b #cleope #the pogues #obx #chase stokes

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neworderscans · 1 year

Text

Electronic: Bernard Sumner & Johnny Marr online Q & A @ beeb.com, 22.04.99

Manchester music legends Bernard Sumner of New Order and Johnny Marr of The Smiths first started working together in 1989 as Electronic. Inspired by the success of their debut single, Getting Away With It, Johnny and Bernard have continued to produce records and collaborated with many other musicians. They chatted live from TOTP on 22/04/99 before performing their latest single Vivid.

pete23 asks: "Does being on Top of the Pops still mean something to you?"

Bernard: "It means getting up at 9 in the morning and hanging around for 12 hours."

Johnny: "So...yes...it means the same as it's always done!"

Bernard: "This time we're playing live which is more exciting than before. The format is that some bands play live over a backing track but I think it should be all live."

Johnny: "I grew up watching the show religiously so it would be nice to think that the show means the same to teenagers now as it did to me. We've got a guy in the band called Phil Cunningham and this is his first time and he's really excited."

Sara6asks: "What's the new album like?"

Bernard: "It's not very good, it wasn't worth making."

Johnny: "We're not really on it, we got our friends to do it."

Bernard: "It's rockier than the previous ones. It's more of a group based sound."

Johnny: "It's still more melodic but more guitary."

Bernard: "In the past the tracks have mainly been written using a computer and keyboard with the guitars added at the end. On this album we reversed the process by writing the songs on guitar first. A by product of that is that this album took 3 months to record and the previous one took 2 years."

Johnny: "The most conscious thing on this album was the choice to use a co-producer. This gave us more time and energy to focus on being songwriters. That's not to say we had a problem with this in the past...but we just fancied a change. Having a band to pull together made the atmosphere different as well...even rehearsals are good fun, it's great to make a racket."

Hailey23 asks: "You've probably been asked this a load of times, but come on guys, how about some live dates soon?"

Johnny: "We're trying. Both Bernard and myself are looking forward to playing live, our main consideration is the rest of the band."

Bernard: "We want to do some festivals but the rest of the band play for other people so we have to make sure they're free and available. The Label would like us to tour but we'd rather do a set of festivals. Even if we're going to play one gig, we have to rehearse for a month, which is really expensive."

Johnny: "Jed Lynch, the drummer who played with us on this album, is with Black Grape. Astrid Williamson who sang backing vocals on the album is also in the band. Phil Cunningham is in a Manchester band and it's difficult getting them all together."

mojo asks: "The Happy Mondays reunion - how long do you think it'll last?"

Johnny: "No one knows the answer to that question...two songs."

Bernard: "They're obviously friends of ours so we wish them good luck for the Manchester gig. Hopefully they've learnt from this period of being apart. Speaking from my experience with New Order, it was great that we stopped being silly. I believe the real reason the Monday's split up wasn't drugs...but Sean's feet. If they invest in some 'odour eaters' they could go on forever."

edgetolife asks: "Johnny, in the future would you like to play in more bands and write more material or would you enjoy producing material of other artists?"

Johnny: "I don't really fancy either of those things. I've been very fortunate to be involved with a few respected groups and I don't really want to repeat what I've done in the past. The problem with production is there's no distinction between what's my input and the artist's input." "When I've worked with other artists, my first thought in the morning is fretting about the production and if I'm going to do that then, then I might as well do it for myself. I'm thinking of doing my own solo stuff. I've got a collection of songs. When Bernard does his stuff with New Order I'm going to kick that off. I'll be singing and I'll get a band together." "I'm not giving it too much thought at the moment as Electronic's album's not even out at the moment. I'm very proud of this record and I want to promote it as much as possible."

Bernard: "We'll definitely work together again as well."

Johnny: "There's a sound I can only get with Bernard, the way he works and the way he writes. People can hear it and I think it's something unique."

Happy Jack asks: "How much online surfing do you both do? Have you seen any of the fans Electronic, Smiths and New Order sites (trust me, there are thousands)."

Bernard: "I just use it for porn...No, I'm joking...I'd rather go out and buy a book and hold something in my hand. The last thing I want to do after all day behind a computer in the studio is do it at home. We do use the net for graphics and sleeve designs. I get all the artwork emailed to me before it goes out."

Johnny: "I've checked it out fairly extensively. I've found it to be quite inspiring in some areas. I've got some quirky interests like Carl Jung, the history of native Americans and the history of Tibet. But I did check out a few fan sites. At first I was impressed and then underwhelmed because every time I went back to them they didn't update them. I tried to help out an unofficial website by telling them what I was up to. If anyone has any ideas they can email my management (Ignition management) or the record company and I'll get to see them."

Bernard: "The new Electronic website is a great site. The last one wasn't so good so I hope it goes well. What would be great is if we could do something like this every month."

JK22 asks: "If I sent my young brother down to hang about outside the TOTP studios with my Smiths, New Order and Electronic records, would you sign them?"

Bernard: "Yes but don't let everyone else get the same idea."

Johnny: "It depends, is he a nice guy?"

ManC asks: "Johnny, do you reckon Manchester City will be promoted this season?"

Johnny: "I'm always nervous about getting my hopes up. It's looking good though. I really hope Bernard doesn't say anything cos he's so smug this morning about Man U's victory. I'm sure Man C would agree, that because they're from Manchester and England and they're competing in Europe, I honestly hope with all my heart they get stuffed. That's how twisted Man City fans have become."

Bernard: "City have done so badly lately that Man U fans don't even take the mickey anymore. We find it pitiful. You'll be playing Salford Grammar School next."

Johnny: "I don't care. The band has just split up, thanks Man C!"

Gav Fuller asks: "Johnny, what's the story behind you launching your own clothing line? Where can we buy the clothes from?"

Johnny: "At the moment there are shops everywhere taking orders from Elk. But we're funny about who we'll send it out to. If you live in London you can get it from Fletcher in Covent Garden or Brown's...there are going to be a couple of adverts in The Face over the next few months."

"It's stuff I've done with Nigel Lawson, a very talented fashion designer in Manchester that I know. The stuff he does is much more interesting than the stuff available in the shops."

Bernard: "It's native American based stuff isn't it?"

Johnny: "It's a weird mix of native American, outdoor wear, Mod and other bits. It's been a labour of love for 2 years. It's an ideological experiment because it's like a band. If you keep the ideas pure and the enthusiasm up, then people realise it's not a corporate thing."

Ric Romo asks: "Do you have any plans to tour the US? Most notably, the state of Texas? We would love to see two legends down here."

Bernard: "It all depends on whether we can afford to do it is the honest answer. It costs a lot of money to do it. I love Texas, I've played there a lot with New Order but it all depends on the money."

Johnny: "I really enjoyed playing Dallas and Houston with The The. It would be great to play there again."

Davor Croatia asks: "Which songs or albums, that you've heard lately, have you thought were really good?"

Bernard: "I bought five albums the other week. Placebo's new album, Faithless, Beck, Serge Gainsbourg and a very old Fleetwood Mac featuring Peter Green. I really like Peter Green."

Johnny: "He's got a great voice."

Bernard: "My favourite album is Fatboy Slim."

Johnny: "I really like Mogwai and Badly Drawn Boy."

Bernard: "I liked the UNKLE album, particularly the Ian Brown track."

Johnny: "I like the Blue Note re-issues, The Nugget Psychedelic Box Set and also Celine Dion."

Dave Briggs asks: "What's the story behind you using a picture of Rasputin on your album sleeve?"

Bernard: "We're big fans of Boney M. I've always loved Ra Ra Rasputin. We liked the photograph and that's the only reason. We're not that interested in Rasputin. We just like the intense gaze he has. I saw a film about him and I reckon the guy got a bum rap. He cured the Tsar's son and spent the rest of the time having intimate relations with all the ladies in waiting...and what's wrong with that."

Dan 55 asks: "Bernard, how about a repeat gig at Alexandra Palace for the millennium? Last year was storming!"

Bernard: "The next priority for New Order is to write some new material which we'll be doing in the mid to late summer, that'll come out in the year 2000. That's the priority at the moment, although I really enjoyed the Ally Pally gig."

Johnny: "I'm staying in to watch the telly. I may go to Northern Australia for a couple of weeks."

Bernard: "The Ally Pally gig...we almost pulled it when Steve found out we were going on stage at midnight and he wanted to be in bed!"

Dave Goodwood asks: "A question for Johnny - what are your personal feelings about the court case with Mike Joyce?"

Johnny: "I feel that it was ugly and unnecessary. A real shame that over the last few years I've been asked more about that case than the songs I've produced. Midway through the case, I really did feel that I wanted to stop the case and get everyone to agree that we did have a good time in The Smiths after all."

"I don't hold an animosity to anyone but it was such a shame. On a personal level, I wish them luck, but they've got personal agendas that I can't relate to."

pank-art asks: "What do we have to do to get you guys for an interview for our radio station in Turkey?"

Johnny: "If it's on a boat and it's two weeks long then sure.

#electronic #bernard sumner #johnny marr #web #interview #1999

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