I am truly in awe of the penis poll and the snail race (aiming to draw) and stuff like that. Not because Tumblr finally gave us polls and the first thing we did was use them as a medium for cooperative games that aren’t polls. But because they keep succeeding! The E poll aside (excused because I think a lot of the respondents didn’t understand the aim), these polls are really really good at getting the desired result.
Which is amazing when you think about it, because the respondents don’t see the result until they click. Until we participate, we don’t know how long the dick is! We don’t know how big the balls are! We have no idea which snail is ahead! We have to make a guess on what other users have done and behave accordingly. “Oh yeah, but there’s a lot of respondents, just using probability you can -- ” do you know how much variation you get in probability? And yet every time I see those snails, they are NECK AND NECK. That penis always has appropriately sized balls that are approximately the same size, to within about 4% of the poll! You’d think everyone would play it safe and just make a dick, but no -- people knew it needed balls, they made a guess as to whether other people were giving it balls, and the proportions worked out! It could’ve gone the other way; lots of people could’ve been like ‘oh I be no one is doing the balls’ and they could be massive balls with a micropenis. Or one testicle could’ve gotten all the attention by accident, and we could’ve had a single-ball cock on our hands. But respondents are predicting each others’ behaviour with amazing precision, giving us results far more precise than you’d expect from random generation over so many different polls! Those snails are at EXACTLY FIFTY PER CENT every time I see them!
I am so proud of our collectively drawn dick and balls you guys.
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here's the second instalment! i know i made the poll but i decided i was doing both options because i am indecisive, and i love max and trouble too much to abandon them
series masterlist
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Max tapped his foot against the wooden floor, his eyes focused on some random poster on the wall of the cramped dental office.
He didn’t like this. He didn’t like any of this. He didn’t like the idea that he was going to be put under. He didn’t like he wouldn’t be in control of anything for the next few hours. He didn’t like the fact that when he woke up, he would be woozy and unable to control the words that passed his lips.
He didn’t like the lack of control.
But the pain had reached a point of unbearable and he knew if he didn’t get this done, his mother would fly over and drag him into the dental practice by his ear—and that was something he certainly didn’t want. He would never live it down if journalists caught pictures of the three time world champion being berated by his mother like a whiny child.
He hated the fact his stupid wisdom teeth were causing this many problems in the first place.
“Did you know that thirty-five percent of humans are born without wisdom teeth?”
Max’s head turned to look at you, his brows furrowed together. “What?”
“A third of the human population aren’t born with wisdom teeth,” you repeated as you leaned back in your chair next to him, your knees brushing when you did. “Isn’t that weird?”
“I would say they are lucky,” he grumbled honestly.
“And in Korea, they call them love teeth,” you continued, ignoring the confused look Max shot you. “Because they start to come through around the age people typically experience their first love.”
“Does that mean it’s your fault I’m in pain?” Max teased, a hint of a smile on his face for the first time since he woke up that morning.
“Love is pain, baby,” you grinned back at him. “And did you know that the oldest record of wisdom teeth being impacted goes back almost fifteen thousand years ago—”
“What’s with all these fun facts?” Max questioned.
“It’s what keeps you calm, no?” You said, looking at him with a fond expression he was still learning to not instantly blush over. “You maxsplain all the time and it helps you relax. I thought maybe maxsplaining wisdom teeth would help ease your nerves.”
“So you learn a load of facts for me?” He asked, a giddy smile fighting its way onto his face.
“I did,” you said as you reached over to gently squeeze his knee. “I know you’re not gonna say it but it’s okay to be nervous. I’ll be waiting for you.”
He gulped, nodding his head slightly in thanks and you knew better than anyone else that the nod was his own way of thanking you.
…
“Trouble? Is that you?”
“Yeah, it’s me, baby,” you grinned as you reached for his outstretched hand, trying not to snicker at the way he cuddled your palm to his chest. “How are you feeling?”
“They drugged me,” he mumbled out, his eyes blinking slowly as he ignored the dentist and nurses in the room and kept his focus on you. “Not the good drugs. The bad ones. I think they are trying to kill me.”
You snorted. “Nobody is gonna kill you while I’m around. Promise.”
“My hero!” He laughed, a little short lived as he seemed to realise the gauze in his mouth. “Baby, I don’t like this candy.”
“It’s not candy,” you said to the boy and watched as he instantly frowned.
“I want candy,” he huffed out.
“Max—”
“Trouble, they tried to kill me! I’m a hostage!” He said, sounding exasperated and you had to lift your hand to cover your mouth in hopes he didn’t realise you were laughing. “I at least deserve some candy.”
“I’ll get you some on the way home,” you told the boy, unable to even pretend to act annoyed as he cheered in his seat as his head rolled back.
“See, Janet!” He turned to the nurse who was standing on the other side of his chair and winked with both eyes. “Told you my good looks would work. She gave in.”
Janet laughed, shaking her head. “You were right, sweetie. You’ve got quite the catch there.”
Max sighed dreamily. “She’s the best.”
.
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