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i-ate-the-whole-entire-pie · 3 years

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Call Me Mother, Chapter One

I languidly drained the last breath from my cigarette, the drag filling my lungs. My garter straps hung down lazily, tickling my thighs, as they awaited their purpose. Music thumped rapidly, and whoops of delight resounded through the hall. The dressing room door swung open; a small, but curvaceous woman behind it.

Her eyebrows were tweezed to perfection, eyes deeply shadowed, eyelashes false and curled into large feathery swoops; her mouth was like a plump strawberry. I’d always harbored a mild curiosity about how it tasted.

“Mary, you’re up in 10 minutes. I want you at the curtain in five," Cristella said, her hispanic accent thick.

“Is that a new corset?” I asked. Cristella turned me around, and yanked the laces of my corset together. Thank god I haven’t needed to breathe for the last 150 years, I thought. I floated a small influence her way. Gentler, please. She complied, unwittingly. They always do.

I don’t normally use my influence on people I like, but I’m far too hungry to risk her pinching me with this corset. I couldn’t forgive myself if I lost control. She was far too kind to die a death that violent.

“It is. This papí chulo I’ve been seeing said he wanted me to wear it for him. Maybe he’ll tip better," she said, carefully pulling the slack out of the lower half of my corset. I placed my hands over my belly, holding everything in place.

“What’s the crowd looking like?” I tucked the ties away. She jutted a hip out, and began counting off on her impeccably manicured fingers.

“The usual crowd. Old Man Carraway, that one divorcee who drinks like a fish. College kids. Oh, there’s also these dudes in silver masks. Low-key kind of demonic. And some weird guy in like, face paint? He’s painted up like a calavera. I figured they came from that concert that was in town. You know, the one that church was protesting? Say they like worship Satan or something?”

“Sounds about right." I bent down to attach my straps to the garters of my stockings.

“They’re probably here for a private room, so I figured I’d put you on now. You’re good at handling the weirdos." Cristella giggled, watching me struggle to get the backs of my stockings attached. She and I broke into fits of giggles, as she chased me in circles, trying to help me attach my stockings.

“Let me get that. Hurry up and get on stage!” she said, giving me a playful smack on the ass. I pranced out of the room, trying to avoid her grasping mitts.

“Hey! No bruising the merchandise!” I giggled, linking arms with her as we strutted backstage, perfectly in step with one another. She grabbed the microphone from Mike the Mic Guy, gave me a wink, and stepped through the curtain.

“Aaaaand we’re back! Now, this next lady I’ve got lined up for you is quite a treat. She’s as pale as cream, thicker than a bowl of oatmeal, and will definitely step on you. Well, she might if you tip well. For legal reasons, we can’t call her “Elvira,” so I guess we’ll settle for… MOTHER! MARY!” That was my cue. I sauntered through the curtain, my hips moving like a figure eight. I moved across the stage, “Lullaby” by the Cure playing. I always chose various genres of rock for my acts. Not that I have anything against the other girls’ music choices… but there’s only so much female rap you can play in one night. As I began to dance, I noticed the group that Cristella had mentioned earlier. They were sitting front and center, near the edge of the stage.

Seven of the masked figures sat around the Painted Man, as I had labeled him. Two of the masked figures seemed effeminate, and the other five seemed more masculine. They all ranged in different shapes and sizes. Maybe the masks are a fetish thing? Cristella did say that they came from a concert… Something about them seemed off. I did a swing around the pole, dropping into a fireman, trying to catch a scent. It was a whirlwind of scents, none of them too out of the ordinary. Except the beefy one. He smelled like midnight. I don’t know how to explain it. What really caught my interest though was the Painted Man. Specifically, his eyes. One of them was grey, the iris almost black. The other eye had a pale, white iris. It suited him, and it was beautiful, in an eerie way. Those eyes looked at me, as I danced around the stage, and they knew me. If I had a working heart still, it would be racing.

As Robert Smith crooned, I descended the stairs of the stage as sensually as one could in Pleaser heels, making my way to the Painted Man. If I wanted to know what these people were, I’d have to get a closer look. The Painted Man patted one of his legs with a gloved hand, and cocked his head to the side. I took the invitation, but not before I teased him. I crouched between his legs, running my hands up his thighs. As I rose, I walked my hands up his thighs, bringing my face closer to his. His breath graced my skin, smelling faintly of licorice. As he leaned in, for what I could only assume was a kiss, I rose again, strutting over to one of the masked beings. It was the smaller of the male ones. I sat in his lap, letting him run his hands over me as I began to grind on his lap. His growing erection told me I was going to have a busy night.

“Your boss is a little too eager," I whispered, getting a good whiff of him. He smelled faintly of smoke. I put my hands on his chest, trying to keep my balance. No heartbeat.

“What makes you think he’s my boss?” The being asked petulantly. He grabbed onto my waist, as he began to grind with me. I moved his hand to the small of my back, and leaned back in a dip. The being ran his other hand over my belly, in between my breasts, and up to my throat, bringing me back up to his masked face.

“You’re the one wearing a uniform." I darted my tongue out to lick my lips. What is he? My mind raced as I tried to run through every supernatural creature I’d ever known. But then I heard it. I barely even understood it. All I picked up was price and one night. It was Ghoulish. The taller female ghoul was asking about what I can only assume was my hourly rate. Most strip clubs in this part of Vegas were just fronts for brothels. However, it’s hard to sell the idea of prostitution to Mid-Western vanilla tourists. So most of my income was made from stripping. I usually had one or two clients I went to bed with a night. It wasn’t very stable, but then again, I had less expenses than the average stripper, considering my “condition."

“Tell your friend my basic hourly rate is $500. My Ghoulish isn’t any good." I stood up, and made my way to the female ghoul’s lap.

“How do you know Ghoulish?” she asked, a bit of surprise in her tone. I bent over in front of her, shaking my ass for her. She put a couple of bills in the waistband of my panties, punching my previous ghoul in the arm. He forked over some cash as well.

“I’m not human. I’ll leave it at that," I said, stuffing the cash into the top of my corset. Dear lord… All hundreds… The female ghoul rubbed my thighs, turning me back around slowly, so as to admire my ass.

“Could we get a room after your number? I think a private dance is in order," she said, in broken Ghoulish. I nodded, and as if on cue, the lights and music began to fade out. As I began to walk back up the stairs to the stage past the Painted Man, his hand darted forward to smack my ass. God, it really is not the night for this shit. My more animalistic nature took over, and before I could stop it, a hiss left my lips. As if of their own accord, my fangs sprung painfully through my gums. I heard a snap, and looked over to see the largest ghoul stand up. He shook his head. Thank god the lights were low. Embarrassed, I covered my mouth, and made my way across the stage.

“What the fuck was that all about?” Mike the Mic Guy asked, handing a mic to Cristella. I still had my hand over my mouth. Cristella looked worried.

“Are you okay Mary? I can get you some tea if you’re keyed up." I shook my head.

“Please get a room ready. The Freak Parade wants a private dance," I said as I walked away, silently cursing myself. Once back in the dressing room, I threw open the mini-fridge I normally kept padlocked. I looked to the last bottle I had left in my stash. Hopefully it hasn’t clotted, I thought, throwing the bottle back. This wouldn’t end my thirst, but it would certainly quell the burning in my throat. You nearly lost it. You need to bag one of these stupid fucks tonight, or else. I hadn’t had a bad case of blood lust in decades, but the combination of winter holidays, my strict schedule, and FOSTA-SESTA had really cut off my food supply.

The door opened, and Cristella came in with a cup of tea. She looked at the flask in her hand and cocked a brow.

“And you didn’t offer to share. What is that? Cuervo? Henny?” she said, reaching for the flask. I shook my head, and put it back in the fridge, closing the padlock.

“It’s cough syrup. I keep it under lock and key because of that bitch Ronnie. She’s not fooling anybody. You ever see how much her hands shake? Too much caffeine? Yeah, right. We all know what the DTs look like." I began changing into a burgundy velvet bra and panty set, pairing it with some burgundy gloves and stockings. Finally, I found a pair of sparkly Loboutins Lydia had left me. My mind rolled back through the streets of Paris to 1991, when Louboutin opened its first salon. Lydia smiled, as I kissed her shin, helping her into the heel. She looked down at me, her eyes full of love, and the corner of her mouth hiding a kiss just for me.

“Yeah, she is pretty suspish. What happened with those weirdos out there?” Cristella interrupted my memory. I shook my head. Are you just imagining your heartache?

“Oh the big guy was just mad because I didn’t get around to him. That’s why I wanted you to get the room. Plus, I might be able to secure a nice check from these guys. They all seemed absolutely randy," I said. Cristella shook her head, giggling. The gloss in my hand made a popping noise, as I pulled the wand from the bottle. It was my favorite flavor, watermelon.

“I can ask one of the boys to sit in, to keep them from getting too handsy," Cristella said. I shook my head. It would only keep me from getting too handsy, I thought to myself. Bless her heart. I could never make a kill here. I loved the crew here far too much. Plus, I didn’t have a coven. No one to protect me when I fucked up. They kicked me out long ago. It’s the main reason I ended up in Vegas, avoiding the sun when I could, doing my best to keep a legal and convenient profession. Where else could get a job with only night shifts, and a never-ending supply of useless assholes no one cared about?

“I’ll be okay Crissy. Even if they do try something, we have a panic button in there. Don’t worry." I gave her a slimy, glossy kiss on the cheek, earning a shriek from her strawberry mouth. She batted at me, narrowly missing me as I bounded out of the room.

As I approached the bigger of our three private rooms, I noticed two of the larger male ghouls standing outside the door. All of the ghouls dressed similarly, including the female ghouls. But I now noticed the alchemical symbols dangling from their belt chains. The shorter one had a quintessence symbol, the other larger one, an earth symbol. The earth one opened the door, and the quintessence one escorted me in.

“Thank you, Aether. Back to the door with you. Come, have a seat. Dewdrop says there is more to you than meets the eye. Let me pour you a glass of wine, cara," a thick, Italian accent beckoned to me. I walked to the ottoman in the middle of the room, where I usually found myself during private dances.

“I don’t drink during work hours, love. Now, what should I call you?” I looked into the mismatched eyes of the Painted Man.

“You can call me Papa. I’m Papa Emeritus, the fourth. My close friends call me Copia, but I suppose we are not quite there yet, sí?” he said, leaning forward to take my chin in his hand. I nodded.

“While I would love to marvel at your undoubtedly exquisite body, There is some business we should take care of first, piccolina. Do you like Type O Negative?” Cue the record scratching. The dreamy look I normally adopt when with my clients evaporated.

“Excuse me?” I whispered. Papa laughed.

“The band, cara. I was going to have you dance for me later. However, you must have a preference."

“I really don’t understand what you mean," I whispered. Papa laughed again, a big booming laugh.

“I know your secret cara. The ghouls told me. One of my predecessors, Papa Nihil, told me if I were to ever come across your kind, I should try to win your allegiance. Your kind have interesting abilities, specifically the power of influence." Of course that’s what he’s after.

“I don’t do that," I said, looking down to avoid his gaze. Papa tsked.

“I think you will. The ghouls say you smell lonely. Where is your famiglia?” He asked. I shook my head. Lydia’s pained screams echoed in my ears, our last moment together wrenching my heart out of my chest decades later.

“We split because of artistic differences," I said softly. Dewdrop and his companions giggled behind me.

“Forcing people to allow you to exsanguinate them for sport is not ‘artistic differences,’” Dewdrop hissed. The other ghouls laughed. Papa shook his head, and raised a hand to silence them.

“Now now, Dewdrop. It is hard to control one’s basic nature. Sí, tesoro? Tell me, how long has it been since your last drink?” He looked at me with concern. I couldn’t meet his eyes. I knew what he saw. Weak, pathetic, useless… The words were like a disgusting mantra, swirling through my mind, angry and acidic.

“Weeks… It’s been weeks," I whispered. He tsked again. I heard the ghouls chatter amongst themselves. Their pity made me feel disgusting, like a child with sweaty, clammy hands, and odorous armpits.

“What if I told you I could offer you a job and a home? A home where you wouldn’t have to hide your nature. A home where you’d never go hungry again?” I looked up at him.

“What kind of job?” I asked. The ghouls laughed again. Papa shot them a glare.

“I would make use of your gifts occasionally. Nobody would get hurt. You would warm my bed whenever I asked. Maybe pick up a trade or two once back with the Clergy. And in turn, you would get protection, and all the blood you could ever need," he said. I finally mustered the courage to look him in the eyes. What do you have to lose? Besides, you’ve done infinitely worse things.

“You swear on your life, nobody will get hurt? Not a single person?” I asked. Papa nodded.

“I’ll do it. I’ll also require a salary as well," I said, extending my hand. Papa nodded, taking my hand in both of his.

“Anything you need, cara. But first, I think you need a drink. And then we will get the night I paid for," he said. He waved his hand towards the door, which the shorter female ghoul scurried to open. I noticed she sported a pocket chain with an air symbol.

“Bring in one of the more rosy siblings, Cumulus. I suspect our new friend will need the sustenance before we get too far into our plans for the night," Cumulus nodded, and shut the door behind her. Papa stood up, and began removing his suit jacket and gloves; rolling up his sleeves. I could see his blue veins pulsating, causing me to become aroused in a way I cannot quite explain. Involuntarily, my pussy throbbed, and my mouth watered.

“Now now, little one. Be patient. Your drink will be here soon enough. But for now, you will seal our little deal with a kiss, so to speak. On your knees," Papa ordered, gesturing to the floor. I slipped from the ottoman to the floor, crawling on all fours to him. His breath hitched as I slid my hands up his thighs. I didn’t break eye contact as I unbuckled his trousers, nor when I reached into his pants to pull out his sizeable cock.

The door opened, and I heard mumbles, as well as a struggle, and a thud. Of course, both my hands and mouth were preoccupied. I watched Papa intently as I sucked him off. His eyes were rolled back, his mouth slack, and his hands threaded into his hair, as he let out an ungodly moan. I kitten licked his frenulum, stroking his shaft, earning another moan. He bucked his hips into my throat. Sit still, I whispered in the back of my mind. Papa grabbed my hair, and pulled me off his cock.

“Never again, my little bat. Continue," he said, grabbing either side of my face as he began to fuck my throat rigourously. Someone behind me cleared their throat. I wasn’t able to look up, due to my current predicament.

“Can’t you see I’m busy, Cirrus? What is it?” Papa let out a grunt, as his cock twitched in my mouth. I began to fellate him with my hands, wrenching more breathy sighs and groans from him. Within seconds, his warm seed was flooding my throat. I heard Dewdrop cheer, and then a slap, which I assumed was a high five. Papa rolled his eyes and smiled, as I dabbed away the bit of cum that had spilled over my bottom lip.

“Just in time. I needed something to wash down all that salt," I stood, and walked over to the person Cumulus and Cirrus stood in front of. It looked like a plumper woman. She was wearing what looked like a nun’s habit, her red ringlets spilling out from under her wimple.

“All for you cara. Come find me when you have finished your meal," Papa walked out, which left me with the ghouls and my prey. Dewdrop, and the other male ghoul, who sported a water symbol, helped the little nun onto the couch.

“You’re going to let me fuck that tight ass later, right? Nearly busted watching you and Copia earlier," Dewdrop said to me, softly enough for just me to hear. I giggled and nodded, batting him away after he began nibbling on my neck. He patted my ass, and began to pull the wimple from the nun’s head.

“I’ve got this. Why don’t you and the rest of the ghouls get started? I’ll be done pretty quickly." Dewdrop nodded.

“C’mon, Rainy. Come play with my cock, while we watch Mary drink," The water ghoul nodded, grabbing Dewdrop’s hand. I turned my attention back to the nun. She began to stir. I pushed back her hair.

“This is going to hurt a little bit. But I will make this quick and painless. You deserve an easy death." The nun, barely awake, nodded, and turned her head. I cradled her head, and brought her throat to my mouth. With a final kiss to her soft, peachy flesh, I sank my teeth into her throat, not letting a single drop of her blood go to waste.

It felt like drinking water after being stuck in a desert for a week. Her blood was sweet, clean, and thick, and it quenched my thirst quickly. Her body began to go limp in my arms, and her skin turned cold. It’s still not enough. I had to force myself to stop. Never drink the last drop. It might just be the last thing you do, my old mentor’s voice reminded me. I let the little nun drop back to the couch, and turned to face the ghouls. Cirrus sat with Cumulus, each with a hand in the other’s pants. Rain was bobbing his head up and down slowly, as Dewdrop played with his hair. Dewdrop looked up at me.

“Hot," he said. Cirrus nodded, and refocused her attention on Cumulus. Rain moaned, causing Dewdrop to hiss. I looked at them all, lust clouding my gaze.

“Make room. It’s my turn," I said. Dewdrop pulled my mouth to his, not fazed one bit by the blood coating my lips. Cirrus began to explore the space between my thighs with her long, gorgeous fingers. Rain held my hair, kissing and nipping at my neck. A girl really could get used to this...

Hours later, after all of the ghouls had had their turn, even the two from the door, I was back in the dressing room. I opened the envelope the earth ghoul, Mountain, had handed me on the way out. My eyes grew like saucers as I counted the money inside. I had only expected eight grand; two hours, eight clients, multiplied by $500. But as I counted, I realized I had 15 grand in my hands. The door opened, breaking my wealth-induced trance. It was Papa.

“If you would really like the job, come to this address in two weeks. Bring only what you must. Put everything else in storage," he said, handing me a card. I was confused.

“Why two weeks?” I asked. Papa smiled.

“Because it’s polite, cara. Don’t forget your letter of resignation."

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This is the first thing I've wrote in years! I hope you all enjoy it! A special thanks to @gasolineghuleh for all of their help!

#the band ghost #popia #dewdrop ghoul #rain ghoul #mountain ghoul #aether ghoul #cumulus ghoullete #cirrus ghoulette #duckydaydreams

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writingpuddle · 4 years

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“Don’t you ever get lonely?” Nicky asked, digging in his pack for a chocolate bar. To their left, the cliff dropped away precipitously, sheer granite cliffs like sentinels at the end of the world.

Neil stared at Nicky. “No,” he said.

“What, never?”

Neil looked out across the sweeping vista of mountains before them. A speck that could have been a hawk or a raven or a sparrow spun against the sky, too small and distant to judge. He’d stood in the middle of busy cities; he’d gone to school with hundreds; he’d even tried out for a track and field team once. He’d been surrounded by people, and he had been so ferociously lonely it had been like a knife in his chest.

“No,” he said, because he didn’t know how to explain—didn’t even want to, really. He’d felt more alone back in the so-called real world than he’d ever felt in the wilderness, miles from any other person. When there was no one around, there was no one to miss.

~~~The Long-Distance Hiker AU (A Bullet Point Fic)~~~

So after Neil’s mom died he kinda of ghosted around for a while and eventually ended up in a small hiking town in California

He met a bunch of thru hikers and figured, hey, my dad probably won’t find me if I’ve fucked off into the wilderness

So he starts hiking

And pretty soon he realizes it’s the best thing he could imagine

He spends all summer in the mountains and when winter rolls around he finds a temporary job in a skiing town working in a second hand gear shop

He’s an ultralighter in the most accidental sense possible

His gear is weird and cobbled together and his shoes are held together with dental floss

He sleeps under a tarp with a down blanket and a thin foam mat and he’ll eat the same shit day in day out without even registering it while he covers frankly obscene distances every single day

It basically gives Kevin an ulcer

Kevin’s an ultralighter, but in the stuck up, rich bitch way; his gear is probably worth thousands of dollars and he’ll lecture anyone who listens about ripstop nylon and is super snobby and elitist about who is a so-called “real” thru hiker (hint: anyone who doesn’t do it his way isn’t a real thru hiker)

(don’t worry he’ll get smacked around a little by people like Dan and stop being such a little bitch about it but he grew up rich so even though it might’ve been shit living with Riko he really doesn’t always take into consideration the context of how much fucking money gear costs when he’s preaching about ultralighting)

(yes I’m taking out my dislike for pretentious rich ultralighters on him, okay, but the difference is he’ll have character growth versus the people I met are probably still being preachy and self-important to this day)

Andrew’s like the exact opposite

His pack weighs like seventy pounds and he’ll pull a six-inch knife (a gross misuse of smart gear weight management) at anyone who comments

He has a completely contained single person tent that’s big enough to sit up in and a four-inch inflatable mattress

His sleeping bag is rated to like -20 even when he’s hiking in the summer

Nicky swears he once saw him pull a full-sized chocolate cake out of his backpack three days down the trail and everyone says that’s stupid and made up but secretly think its totally true

Andrew likes to hike alone but somehow he’s never more than a day away from Aaron and Nicky and when he keeps showing up near them it gets harder and harder to pretend like he doesn’t actually care about them

Nobody says anything, obviously, but Nicky gets a little teary when he starts to notice the pattern

It was Nicky’s idea; in this universe Erik got him into hiking when he was in Germany so he got the cousins into it as a bonding exercise and then it turned out it was the best family activity they had ever found

This is several years after they graduated and they’ve scrounged together enough time and money to hike the Pacific Crest Trail

Now the upperclassmen:

So Stephanie Walker is a trail angel: one of those people who lives near a long trail and provides snacks and rides and somewhere to stay and basically helps out anyone who comes by with whatever’s going on; she’s pulled a lot of people out of frankly dangerous situations and she’s not afraid of anything the trail has to offer

So Renee finds herself and her faith while living this life of meeting new hikers every day and it’s almost inevitable that she starts to hike and find solace in the wilderness

Allison is one of those Wild types: she’s done some hiking (much to her parents’ chagrin) but she’s never done a thru trail or even much overnighting before, but she’s ready to throw herself into it and doesn’t care how dirty she gets

She totally carries a tiny spa package though

The other women are very skeptical because they take pride in being free from societies expectations and make up and shaving but they come around after Allison pulls it out one time when they’re seven days into a ten day section and gives them face masks and they all have a little pedicure pampering session (so, so needed when your feet are being beaten and bruised by hard terrain all day)

She has a lot of new, expensive gear and is super touchy about people trying to help her (because a beautiful woman absolutely gets people trying to “help” all the time and it’s infuriating and condescending) but she learns to accept help from her closest friends

She was showing off near the beginning of the trail drinking with a bunch of guys and probably got too sloshed trying to act tough (alcohol hits you waaaay harder at high elevations dude, if you’re not expecting it you can get Fucked Up really fast)

It’s Seth who realizes things are getting out of control and pulls her out before the guys can do anything shitty which is how their friendship and eventually their relationship gets started

They piss everyone off with their constant breaking up and getting back together on the trail, sometimes hiking together for days and then splitting up and going to hike with other people but they find a lot of healing out there in the woods

Seth’s mom is totally dismissive and condescending of his hiking, she thinks it’s a stupid waste of time, but she thinks everything he does is a stupid waste of time so at least when he’s out there without cell service he has an excuse to not respond to her

Now Dan

Dan’s trailer trash, right

She’s got no fucking cash but she has this dream in her head to hike the PCT and she’s going to fucking well do it

Her gear is probably most similar to Neil’s except where his is a mess of weird priorities and held together by spit and twine

Hers is meticulously planned

It’s cheap, some of it’s over forty years old, but it’s hers

It’s probably the only stuff in the world that’s actually hers

She accumulated it over about four years, hitting all the second-hand gear events, saving up every penny, packing and repacking and writing everything out in great detail until David Wymack got wind of her plans at a gear event

He’s one of those guys who hiked the PCT thirty years ago back before anyone knew what it was except instead of feeling superior about that it means he knows exactly how much impact experiencing the wilderness can have for disenfranchised people

He approaches Dan and offers to sponsor her hike

She’s resistant at first; she planned this hike, she got all the stuff together, she was going to do it without anyone’s help

But he comes back and says he just wants her to write about her experiences and publish it on his website

He’ll pay her for the work, of course

And she wavers and finally caves because this will move her plans up by about two years if she can make money while she’s hiking instead of having to hoard up enough cash to take six whole months off

Her blog posts are a huge hit

She doesn’t preach about how the mountains saved her, or get too metaphorical about hiking or anything like that

She just talks about the real, raw experience of hiking

The friendships, the trials, the triumphs

The infuriating people whose mental image of the hiking community doesn’t include poor black girls who grew up in a trailer park, who say she’s an inspiration like they actually mean something else

She talks about the days that she flies up the mountains and the days that she can barely drag herself out of her tent and the day she realizes that Allison and Renee, these women she thought could not be more different from her, are the best friends she’s ever had in the world

And she’s takes fucking amazing pictures

She’s also very determined not to have a trail romance

That’s stupid and cliché

Look that guy Matt might be hot but she’s not interested

He’s clearly working through some stuff and she’s not here to be some guys savior or whatever

So Matt then

His mom helped him get sober a couple years ago and he’s been struggling with it ever since

She got him into hiking as an outlet and a healthy hobby and he took to it like a fish to water

He’s got legs for days and he doesn’t mind carrying a heavy pack, he can hike for hours without stopping

(The fact that he’s faster than her pisses Dan off a bit, but sometimes you gotta accept that you’ve got short legs and just hike your own hike, there aren’t any prizes for speed)

He relapsed again a couple months before his hike started and he and Randy weren’t even sure if he was going to be able to do it but he’s damned well going to try

So anyway

Pretty much everyone is trying to actually hike the PCT except Neil

He drives everyone bonkers

His motivation isn’t really about the trail so much as staying out in the wilderness where there are no gangsters to murder you

So he just does whatever he wants and keeps showing up at random points

He’s technically got one of the thru hiker permits but he frequently goes off on side trails not on the PCT and ends up hiding out in the woods so rangers won’t find him

He’ll just hitchhike straight through boring sections or anywhere that you pass through too many towns where he’d rather not be remembered

He keeps coming back to the PCT but it’s more like it’s a rough guideline of where to go than an actual route he’s taking

He’s got his natural colouring back because who’s dying their hair or wearing fucking contacts on the trail?

But also

Who would ever associate a runaway mafia kid with a guy with overgrown hair and a stained t-shirt who’s sitting serenely on a mountain pass in a photo on David Wymack’s website?

Nobody

That’s right kids, Nathan doesn’t have a role in this one because he doesn’t find Neil

Maybe he gets killed in a shoot out or something and some other gangster steps up and takes over, and in the shuffle Neil’s just kinda forgotten

Maybe he finds out months later and he just stares at the computer in shock because he should have known, shouldn’t he? He should have felt it when his father died

He should have realized that he was free

That happens later though

Who fucking cares what Riko’s doing honestly

Kevin has somehow attached himself to Andrew and is driving him up the wall with advice to improve his hiking/base weight/distance/etc and he sees this guy (Neil) who regularly covers like thirty or forty miles a day (obscene!) and is like YES this guy is my people!

Except when he starts talking to Neil he realizes he’s this total weirdo who doesn’t even have a cook set he just eats cold food (a common enough thing among ultralighters, but not like this. Oh god, not like this)

Neil’s just sitting there gnawing on a pack of uncooked ramen like a fucking animal

And he’s not! Even! Hiking! Properly!

You’ll never finish the trail if you hike like this!

Neil just gives him a blank look

He’s got no interest on getting on some “verified” list of people who hiked the PCT, he just likes hiking

Andrew likes him

I mean obviously he despises him what the hell is with that janky ass setup but also he’s so unconventional and unapologetic how could Andrew not be into that?

They’re the kind of people who give wilderness rescue personnel grey hair, but for completely opposite reasons

Neil keeps running into them because even though he covers so much ground every day, his meandering route means he doesn’t actually move down the trail very fast

They’ll be like wait weren’t you like a week ahead of us and he’s like oh yeah I heard about this cool waterfall and took a sixty mile side trail to visit it and nearly ran into a momma bear with two cubs, it was awesome

And they all start to grow on him, and each other, almost accidentally

Look none of them are out there romanticizing the trail as some kind of magical place where the problems of the real world disappear and the people are somehow more pure and true or whatever

People are people and they bring their issues wherever they go

But there is a paring down

When your daily concerns are just mileage and shoes and food and weather, a lot of other stuff fades into the background

And well the truth is a lot of people are on those trails to work through stuff

And they find each other

Gradually, without even really noticing

They team up in June, groups of three or four with crampons and ice axes to get over the Sierra’s.

Neil was planning to just do side hikes and wait for the snow to melt—he isn’t so reckless he wants to go over the ice alone, but Kevin insists he join them and for the first time he hikes in a group with Kevin and the cousins all together.

It’s weird

He’s not used to people talking to him when he’s hiking and he frequently doesn’t respond and it’s not because he’s being rude he’s just so focussed on what he’s doing and what’s around him that he literally doesn’t hear them

And then

Nicky slips

It’s not his fault, they did nearly everything right (Kevin may be a pretentious ass, but he does know his shit) but sometimes shit just happens for no reason

And they’re at the edge of the ice sheet so Nicky’s just untying himself from the rope that links them together, he’s not even moving, and the snow beneath him shifts and he doesn’t even have time to scream before he’s hurtling down the snow below the trail towards the cliff at the bottom of the ice sheet

Neil doesn’t even hesitate

He dives after him, ice axe in one hand like a fucking gladiator and gets his arm wrapped around Nicky’s waist

He slams the ice axe into the snow and it drags behind them, and it looks like it’s not going to catch, and the edge is getting closer and closer—

Until the axe catches something, and Nicky and Neil lurch to a halt, clinging to each other, hanging off of Neil’s one arm and the axe.

Neil looks up and sees Andrew, Aaron and Kevin in various places on the slope above them, their axes dug in and long gouge marks in the snow beneath their heels, strung together by a ropeline that’s still attached to Neil’s waist

That rope is probably the only thing that slowed them down enough that Neil could stop them without ripping his arm clean off

It’s hardly a by-the-book rescue, and in fact it was pretty stupid, but they’re okay, they’re okay, that’s all that matters

That night they light a fire down by a lake and Nicky cries on Aaron’s shoulder and Andrew keeps clenching his fists because he’s never felt so helpless in his life and it was Neil that jumped, not him

He knows that he was at the far end of the line and he would’ve made it worse if he had, but doing nothing while Neil risked his life to save Nicky

They don’t really talk about it

But you kind of can’t help being friends after that

And even after they’re out of the high mountains and back on solid trails Neil keeps tabs on them

And Nicky befriends the others and without even meaning to they start to develop a sort of loose trail family vibe

They’re not hiking together all the time like some of the groups they meet, but they check on each other all the time and wait up in resupply villages and bond over firepits and shitty hot chocolate mixes and swap tips on how to keep the butt-chafing at bay

Neil sticks to the outskirts, mostly, but he starts to open up a little, in fits and spurts, tiny non-specific things that wouldn’t even register to most people but that this particular group knows means more than that

He’s slowing down, too, sometimes hiking entire days with people and covering half his usual distance even when there’s no cliffs or glaciers threatening him

He likes hiking with Andrew the most, though

Because neither of them are big talkers when they’re hiking and Andrew’s pack might be absurdly heavy but he’s got legs the size of tree trunks and endurance to match, so he might not be fast but he can outwalk half the people on the trail by sheer relentlessness

They both like to camp up high, near treeline (so Neil can set up his tarp) and in the places that it’s legal they’ll start a small fire and Andrew will loan Neil his pot so he can actually cook his fucking ramen for once and sometimes they’ll watch the Milky Way rise and share secrets under the open sky, not looking at each other so they don’t break the illusion, and sometimes they won’t say anything at all but it’s okay, because they’re saying nothing together.

It’s nice

It’s maybe more than nice

The summer draws to a close and Neil is starting to realize that he doesn’t want it to

He never wants the hiking season to end but this time it’s different

This summer has been perfect

And he knows deep in his bones that once they leave the trail things will change

The others have lives to return to, and Neil…

The trail is all he has

And if he’s barely hiking alone at all these days, well, who’s going to call him out on it?

The others like having him around because he stops them from getting too fixated on the Trail to see the trail

He still takes side trips but now sometimes people will come along and he’ll stand at the base of a canyon staring up at the glossy white walls and Dan will snap a photo for her blog and smile, because the PCT is just a line on a map, but the hike is all of them; together

He’s hiking with Andrew in September when a storm hits, this time vicious

Neil huddles under his tarp in resignation

Storms suck, he always gets wet, no matter how much he lowers the tarp, but he’s used to it; he just waits it out

But it’s just getting worse

Hail lashing at the tarp and pummelling the ground and maybe for once he regrets camping so high up

And Andrew has to shout to be heard but finally Neil realizes he’s offering to let Neil come into his tent

You’re going fucking freeze, just get in here

Neil goes

It’s weird

It’s instantly weird

The tent is not built for two people, so they’re both sitting cross legged with their heads ducked to not press against the roof

The storms probably not going to let up soon, Andrew says

Yeah, Neil says.

Andrew sighs

Lie down, he says, and Neil does, and Andrew lies down next to him, shoulder to shoulder

It barely works, only because neither of them are very big people

Neil’s pack is outside wrapped in his tarp and all he has is his damp down blanket but he’s not cold anymore, not with Andrew bundled up in his ridiculous sleeping bag right next to him

The storm rages for nearly two days and what passes between them in that tent, nobody knows

If they’re barely ever seen apart after it, well. You only see people so often on the trail. It could easily be a coincidence

And if Neil doesn’t even set his tarp up on rainy nights anymore, well. They never camp near other people anyway, so who’s to know?

In early October the snow blows in, blocking the route to the finish.

They drift around a resupply village for almost two weeks, waiting for the trail to reopen, but finally even Kevin accepts that it isn’t going to

After all of that, none of them are going to finish the trail

It’s a disappointment—of course it is. For most of them, the end of their trip is now a nondescript exit into a village, no fanfare, no closure; they didn’t even know they were done for days

Still, it’s not so bad

They’re all together

Allison suggests Vegas, but they all laugh it down; they wouldn’t even know how right now, bearded and hairy and ravenous as they are

They go to South Carolina instead

It’s not really even discussed that they’ll stay together, they just all go; Allison hosts them at her resort and they laugh at the incongruous weirdness of seeing each other in real clothes, and it’s different, but it’s also okay

They stay for another two weeks, and they don’t hike another fucking inch

We should try the Continental Divide Trail sometime, Dan says

Her blog is so popular now that she’s got sponsorships from more than just Wymack waiting for her

She could make a career out of hiking and blogging and doing gear reviews and it’s a dream she’d never even realized she wanted until she had it

And if she accidentally fucked up and ended up with a hot trail boyfriend? Well, nobody’s perfect

And he has a great butt

(she has photos of it on her blog, from when they jumped into a glacier lake naked back in August)

Everyone is jealous

How about that trek in Iceland? Matt suggests

Or the whats-it-called in New Zealand, Allison says

Oh, I bet there’s some good ones in Europe! Nicky says. You guys can all meet Erik!

And it’s going to be different, but it’s not going away, and Neil feels calm in a way he never has at the end of a hiking season before

Eventually everyone has to start making plans to return to their lives, and jobs, and Neil sneaks out to the back of the house to sit in crisp fall air and watch leaves spiral down out of the trees

Andrew follows him

They sit together, watching the moon rise over the hills, and when Andrew asks Neil to come home, Neil says yes

#me? coping with my inability to go hiking by writing headcanons? its more likely than you think!#aftg headcanons #aftg au #andreil #bulletpoint fic #my writing #hiker au #gratuitous descriptions of hiker life #found family #this is like 3.5k idk man #this is very self indulgent lol

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chocowhomps · 5 years

Photo

i was gonna colour these originally but they’ve been fucking sitting in my files for a week now and i know its not gonna happen so whatever

have some high school boys

randy reads to me like the kind of dude who starts wearing merch all the time of the shit he’s into and always tries to pair it with something casual. howard on the other hand wears expensive designer shit but literally ONLY if its comfy. like hoodies or sweat pants ect

#rc9gn #randy cunningham #howard weinerman #randy cunningham 9th grade ninja #weinerham

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wizardessheart-sideb · 4 years

Photo

[Image ID: Screenshot from Shall We Date’s Facebook page. Image has the banner text “Back by popular demand! Part 2. Read their stories again. Purchase one story and get one story ticket for free!” The images underneath the banner are Seductive Portion and Melting Kiss, which is a pastel colored and polka-dotted background. One of the Goldsteins and Randy are on either side of the MC. There’s an event icon of Yukiya and for some reason pastel pink cat paw prints are there, too. To the right of this is the Magical Love Ride banner. It’s a bunch of balloons and an amusement park background with Randy and Elias in front of it. In the top left corner is an event icon of Elias. To the right of this is the Thrilling Date Banner. The background is a CG of Joel with sprites of Leon, Klaus, and Yukiya. Again, in the left-hand corner is an event icon, but this time it’s of Vincent. /End ID]

It’s back ny’all! Luckily, I have all of Azusa’s stories for these events and I’m not really keen on spending for Yukiya and Elias (which I have some of their stories anyway). Also I just bought my dream dress so I can’t spend any money for the rest of the month since. I dropped almost $300 on a dress. oop. But regardless, I’m happy for people who get another chance and getting their mans’ stories.

Quick Facts

Type: Coin-only multi-event rerun

# of stories: 25

Price of 1 story: 450 coins

Event Ends: November 25, 2019

Stories Available

Seductive Portion and Melting Kiss (Elias, Yukiya, Luca, Klaus, Randy, Azusa, Joel, Vincent)

Magical Love Ride (Elias, Yukiya, Luca, Klaus, Randy, Azusa, Joel, Vincent)

Thrilling Date (Elias, Yukiya, Luca, Klaus, Randy, Azusa, Joel, Vincent, Leon)

Reviewing the Stories Prior To Purchase

Before I get into the cost of this event, I want to remind everyone this event has a whole bunch of old events in it. That being said, I STRONGLY encourage everyone to search up videos of the stories before purchasing them to make sure they’re ones you really want. You can find almost all of them on Youtube still, but for everyone’s ease, I’ve compiled a temporary masterlist over on my gaming channel blog, WHICH YOU CAN FIND HERE. Since I’m posting this ASAP, this list will be updating within the next 20 mins of posting this breakdown, but PLEASE read the stories if you can before you buy.

Costs

This event is super, super expensive. Here’s a breakdown of how much this event will cost. There’s not a whole theme, it’s all just thrown together. Note that you can’t purchase stories with Lune.

One story: 450 coins

All of one dude’s stories (Except Leon): 1,350 coins

All Magical Love Ride stories: 3,600 coins

All Seductive Portion and Melting Kiss stories: 3,600 coins

All Thrilling Date stories: 4,050 coins

Final Note

I still like this kind of event, but I want to remind everyone to budget. The anniversary is just around the corner and since it’s the fifth anniversary and a big milestone, we might be getting some big events.

#wizardess heart #shall we date wizardess heart #wizardess heart+#shall we date wizardess heart+#wh

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thedesperatehousehusband · 4 years

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Oscar. 92 years young.

It’s time for the BIG ONE. The one we’ve been waiting for all season. The Academy Awards. The 92nd Oscars. The whole awards “season” culminates with tis slog of a night. Let’s see how this works without a host. It’s the second time they’ve done it and I didn’t hate it last year.

The show kicked off with a performance from Janelle Monae singing about “It’s Time to Come Alive”. I don’t know what the song was about it but I love her and her queer, African American self. Billy Porter made an appearance. He’s been strutting it allllll these shows. He looked batshit at the Grammy’s but tonight he looks normal, for him.

Steve Martin and Chris Rock DID NOT CARE. When people don’t give a shit, I love it. The Director category is missing vaginas. There were no black nominees in 1929. There’s one in 2020. Progress. Good shit. Eddie Murphy’s under the stage. Oooooh. They DO NOT CARE.

Regina King is butter. She looks amazing. Of course and as expected, Brad Pitt wins Best Supporting Actor for Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. He’s won 100% of all the awards all season so this is the icing on the cake. Nice speech. I love him. I love this movie.

I love Mindy Kaling’s dress. She looks outstanding. Of course and as expected, Toy Story 4 wins Best Animated Feature. It really was incredible. Buzz & Woody are legends and now we can include Forky in that list of animated legends.

Josh Gad…..Idina Menzel. Pronounced just like it’s spelled. Take that, John Dumb-Ass Travolta. And that was kick ass. I totally loved the international take on Into the Unknown from Frozen 2.

Why, Diane Keaton, why? Isn’t it done with the whole Annie Hall thing? But the banter with Keanu Reeves was really quite funny. HOLY SHIT BALLS!!! Parasite wins Best Original Screenplay. Is this a sign of things to come?? I REALLY thought Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was going to clean up tonight. But maybe not. Is it going to be a Parasite night??????

What is Timothee Chalamet wearing? Is that a tracksuit? At the Oscars? Dude. What are you doing? I know you’re all fashion-y and shit but I’m not into it. Taika Waititi wins for Best Adapted Screenplay for Jojo Rabbit. A movie which I simply loved and adored. It made me laugh and cry.

Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig decided to go with the craziest thing they could find at the store. At least they’re funny. Because they look nuts. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood wins for Production Design. And that makes sense to me. It really looked amazing.

Loved the a cappella medley of clothes songs for Maya and Kristen to sing in advance of Best Costumes. Little Women wins. At least it won something because that’s likely going to be it. Normally the winner looks out of his/her mind when they walk on the stage. This woman looked downright sane.

What is this song that Chrissy Metz is singing? I have no idea what it is but she sounds really good.

I would like to thank Mark Ruffalo for just wearing a goddamn tux and looking fucking fantastic in it.

I absolutely hate Laura Dern’s dress but I love me some Laura Dern. She’s cleaned up all season so cap it off with the Oscar, why don’t ya? Of course and as expected. I don’t know why but it makes me teary-eyed EVERY time Laura Dern thanks Diane Ladd and Bruce Dern. I just love it that she thanks her parents and references them as her acting inspiration each time she collects an award.

Ummmmm. What is HAPPENING?? Eminem didn’t show when we WON the damn Oscar for writing this song but he gon show up for a fucking montage??? What is HAPPENING???? I love this. Every fucking thing on the stage right now is unbelievable. THE AUDIENCE IS STANDING UP. THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE INCLUDING MARTIN SCORSESE IS STANDING UP. Eminem, motherfuckers.

Sound Editing goes to Ford vs. Ferrari. I’m unclear on what sound editing is.

Sound Mixing goes to 1917. I’m unclear on what sound mixing is.

Jesus Christ. Randy Newman is starting to look really fucking old. He still sounds like Randy Newman though, so I guess that’s good.

Thank you for Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Will Ferrell for making some jokes. 1917 wins Best Cinematography. I’m going to remind you how little I care about 1917. In my shallow and small mind, it’s just basically Saving Private Ryan in World War I. That’s probably over-simplified but that’s what I get from previews.

Best Editing goes to Ford vs. Ferrari. I can dig it with all the car scenes. Thank GAWD it didn’t go to The Irishman. Because that movie wasn’t edited because it was 400 hours long. It was TOO fucking much.

Zazie Beetz looks AMAZING. Her dress is killer.

Cynthia Erivo is an amazing singer. She’s not going to win Best Actress so her only chance at the EGOT is Best Original Song. I’m not particularly feeling this song but strange things have happened.

Rebel Wilson and James Corden dressed up as cats from Cats. They don’t care. 1917 wins Best Visual Effects. Who cares?

I love that Ray Romana got bleeped. I do love when people get bleeped. Bombshell wins for Hair & Makeup. Which makes sense. John Lithgow isn’t exactly an overly attractive person but making him look like Roger Ailes, who is more or less the earthly embodiment of Jabba the Hutt, is worthy of an award.

Why is it now Best International Feature Film as opposed to Foreign Language Film? Of course and as expected, Parasite wins Best International Feature Film or Foreign Language Film. I guess that Bong Joon-Ho really likes the name change and what it symbolizes.

I know this is terribly un-LGBTQ of me but I just don’t care about Elton John and this song isn’t good.

Ummmmmm. Sigourney Weaver looks INCREDIBLE. If she’s had work done, it’s both discrete and expensive. It’s a testament when you stand next to people like Brie Larson and Gal Gadot and hold your own at nearly 70. Get it done, Sigourney.

Love this Icelandic woman winning Best Score for Joker. Love, love, love, love. There’s more than Bjork in Iceland. Great speech.

Elton John wins for Best Original Song and I don’t care.

OH SNAP. Bong Joon Ho wins Best Director for Parasite. Y’all, it’s looking good for Parasite. Solid, solid speech as delivered by this translator who DID NOT step it up for the Oscars. Still just a smart suit. I was hoping for more, girl.

I want so hard to get Billie Eilish. And I just don’t. But I always enjoy the In Memoriam. Kirk Douglas, 103 years old.

Olivia Colman must have got a deal on all that velvet. Ooooof. But, dammit, she’s hilarious. Of course and as expected, Joaquin Phoenix wins for Joker. He’s not right. His speech was insane. Art imitates life……

Of course and as expected, Renee Zellweger wins Best Actress for Judy. This Texas accent has been present this whole awards season. I don’t get it and I don’t know why. Her speech isn’t meaningful at all. It’s just names. Blah. Well, now, we’re trying to make it meaningful but I’m not sure it’s working.

Let’s stand up for Jane Fonda, shall we? She’s a fucking movie star. She looks REMARKABLE. Don’t get me wrong. She’s 81 years old and has been sliced and diced every which way but loose but still….she looks bananas amazing. Best Picture, y’all. What’s it gonna be???? The anticipation is palpable!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddddd the Oscar goes to: PARASITE!!!! I mean at this point it’s no surprise. First non-English movie ever to win Best Picture. I’m into it. I love it. The speeches are wonderful. I loved that Tom Hanks and Charlize were all like…Bring the light back up. Let them speak!

Peace out, Oscars. It’s time for bed.

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allthingsteenmom · 5 years

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MY THOUGHTS ON “SURPRISE!”

• I never saw Jeremy as being so absent. It’s unfortunate

• I do love yoga

• Blows my mind Nathan is on supervised visits yet Nathan has custody of 2 kids

• LOL because Jenelle and David keep eyes on Kaiser 24/7?!

• Jenelle is lucky she has MTV to pay her legal expenses

• Layne & Watson look so much alike

• Man I love Cole

• I’m with Cole. How do you just...have a child and not care

• I think Chelsea and Cole both respect Aubree a lot and that’s so meaningful

• Ok I’m not trying to come at anyone’s kids so don’t @ me but Stella looks like the baby Grinch from the Jim Carey movie

• Nova being so excited to see Stella, ah my heart

• Over $1,000 a month?! God damn

• I don’t understand why Jo would ask for $1k versus just dropping the $450 when they have 50/50. Kailyn is right on this one - that’s bs

• “Turn dude” 😂

• “Is you ready?” “You did good”...Ah man, that southern talk

• I can understand why Jo would be upset if he was paying child support unnecessarily, although I don’t think he handled it ideally

• I think Jo is exaggerating Kailyn’s income a bit

• A parent doesn’t get child support simply because the other parent makes more, it isn’t that simple

• Nathan not knowing which courthouse to go to lmaooo

• Also WHAT is Nathan’s hair omg

• Wow Nathan hanging up on his mom during a calm conversation like a child ok

• Nathan would have a giant vape

• Wow Chelsea’s car is SO dirty..I feel like I’ve noted that before?

• 5 hour stretches for a 1 month old isn’t bad

• I didn’t even think about the legal aspect of Cole needing to adopt Aubree in the event of Chelsea’s death

• Brittany making Stella laugh 😍

• Brittany is calling Briana ooout and I’m here for it

• Oh man yeah Jo 100% should be teaching Isaac Spanish!

• $10,000 a MONTH I’m sorry WHAT

• Corey seems like such a good guy (minus the chew, ew)

• It’s so sad that Jeremy doesn’t really care to be involved

• Ok even $2,300 a month is insane 🤷🏼‍♀️

• I guess I could see if Jo wanted paid back the child support he had paid since they started 50/50 but that’s about it to be honest

• I can’t even imagine what Aubree must be thinking or feeling

• Randy is such a cute grandpa

• Man, Cole makes me cry. He’s just so sweet and loving

#teen mom 2 #jeremy calvert #leah messer #jenelle eason #nathan griffith #david eason #cole deboer #chelsea deboer #briana dejesus #jo rivera #corey simms #stella star dejesus #nova star dejesus #watson cole deboer #layne ettie deboer #aubree skye lind deboer

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victorianoir · 6 years

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The Detective and the Embezzler, Part 2

Here’s the second part to the chapter I put out last week, dear readers!!

If you want to read part 1, or any other parts of The Detective and the Tech Guy, you can do so by hopping on over to the tumblr MASTER POST for the story. Or you can read it on the fanfiction.net site: HERE.

Enjoy, my friends!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Ugh, this is bumming me out.”

“What?”

“This timeline I’m being given is so shitty. And I feel like I have a lot to do. And they’re actually doing a pretty good job keeping their affair quiet, in spite of how chatty they were with us at Sir Sensei’s the other day.”

“Well, they’re bound to slip up, right?”

“I don’t know. Penny sort of seems like the brains. She must be handling details. She’s the smart one in this whole situation.”

Penny Havert didn’t have much of a criminal record, Sarah’d discovered, which either meant this was her first offense, or she was good at not getting caught. Whether she actually cared for Pendleton or not, Sarah had no idea. Nor did she care. Penny was orchestrating most of this, but they were both going down. Hopefully. If she did her damn job.

“Sarah, what if—and hear me out—neither of them are the smart one in this whole situation?”

“Oh. Yeah. Good point.”

Her boyfriend chuckled as he lowered half of a four egg omelet onto her plate with a spatula, heading over to his own place at the coffee table and sliding the rest of the egg out of the pan onto his plate.

“I still think it’s rad how you figured out who his mistress is, you know,” he said, heading back towards the kitchen, putting the pan in the sink and grabbing the plate of bacon, before tugging his apron off and tossing it on the counter on his way back to the couch.

She smirked. “It’s scarily easy to get a hold of someone’s credit card if you hang around a restaurant. Wear a white button up, black slacks, and an apron, walk over and grab the check with their card, and bam.”

He shook his head as he plopped down next to her on the couch, setting the bacon down between their plates. “I bet it looked so cool and spy-ish, though.”

She snorted, shaking her head.

“So what d’ya got?” he asked. “You said you’re bummed out. Gimme the deets. Maybe I can help.”

Maybe a few years ago, she might’ve been miffed if one of the men she dated had plopped down wanting to “help” with a case—if she ever told them anything about her cases, which she never did. But Chuck had proven he wasn’t just a nerd who’d seen a lot of noir movies with detectives and hardboiled lawmen. He was actually incredibly good at thinking outside of the box, and she’d learned over the past few days especially that he could be a massive asset. Even if sometimes his ideas were absolutely wild and out of left field, it got her mind going.

“Right. So I’ve been tailing both of them for a few days now—I know how that sounds, like I’ve duplicated myself, but I just mean I followed him one day and her the next.”

“Hm? Oh. Sorry, I’m just a little fixated on the idea of there being two of you. Is it too stereotypical dude-ish of me to say that’s hot?”

“Yes.”

“Noted.”

“Back to my investigation,” she said pointedly, aware of the fact that she was doing a poor job of ignoring his flirtation. She took a large bite out of her breakfast, leaning forward to keep the long string of melted cheese from getting stuck on her chin. “She went to the bank that day, and she withdrew a lot. I don’t know how much, but it was enough that it took the teller a while. I’m sure it’s an account he’s been transferring money into for her, but I need to prove that somehow.”

Chuck huffed. “I’ll think on that.”

She clicked around on her laptop and turned it towards him on her lap. “In the meantime… So, look at this email Mestik sent me. He forwarded Pendleton’s travel itinerary for a business trip, like I asked him to. This says he’s going to Atlanta. As in Georgia. That’s not Miami. See? LAX to Atlanta with a layover in Chicago.”

“Why did they tell us Miami, then?”

“Maybe they’re just lying sacks of shit.” He chuckled at that. “She gave him an annoyed look about it. I dunno if you saw that. Maybe that’s where she wanted to go and instead she’s stuck going to Atlanta because of his work so she’s pissed.” She shrugged.

“Atlanta doesn’t sound so bad.”

“If she was looking forward to beach time, it’s probably not preferable.”

“Good point.”

Sarah nibbled on her lip, turning the laptop back to her. “I’m going to ask Mestik if Thomas has charged anything else as an expense yet. And I need to know if Penny is going to be on the flight with him, even if her portion isn’t being charged to Mestik Insurance. Nobody’s that stupid.” She huffed. “But I need to do it quick. I’ve only got a week and a half to solve the case.”

“What? Why only a week and a half?”

“Because if I don’t solve it by then, I’m going to have to go to Atlanta to tail these assholes, and I really don’t want to do that.”

“Why? Might be an interesting place to go.”

“Atlanta is fine, but that’s an expense I’d be charging to Mestik, add on top of that whatever expenses Thomas and Penny charge to the company while they’re on their romantic getaway. If I figure this all out before the trip, I save Mestik a lot of unnecessary expense, not to mention his niece’s husband doesn’t get to go off to some other city to knock knees with his mistress on his uncle-in-law’s dime. It’s the principle of the thing.”

She felt Chuck reach over to tenderly stroke his fingers over her cheek, tucking her hair behind her ear and she smiled a little at him.

“For the record, I love that you’re a P.I. who’s on the up-and-up. Like, not a hardboiled P.I. who’s kind of in this murky grey area of morality, but a genuinely good detective trying to help her client.”

She gave him a look as she sipped her coffee. “What makes you think I’d ever be hardboiled? Seriously, baby, you watch way too many of those movies.”

“Maybe, but you love that I’m such a dweeb fanboy about your career choice. Don’t deny it.”

“Oh, I have no intention of denying it. You’re the cutest person on the planet when you geek out about the dumb letters on my office door. But still…I’m serious about this, Chuck. A week and a half. I need to do this right.”

He swiped a hand in front of his face, sobering up completely. “Yes. Absolutely. I’m with you.”

Sarah froze then, an idea hitting her.

“I just need to figure out where Penny is going. Duh. Wherever Penny goes, Thomas goes. As far as they know, nobody knows about Penny Havert and wherever she ends up, we’re going to find him there, too. But how do I know where she’s going?” She nibbled on her lip.

“Well, how do you even go about finding that out? Gonna steal her computer or something?”

She shook her head, and then a slow, mischievous smile stretched over her face. “No. But you’ve given me an idea…”

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Chuck looked up from his desktop screen as his assistant poked his head in after a quick knock. “Yeah?”

“Sarah’s here.”

“Oh, good. Thanks. Send ‘er in.”

Sarah smiled at the bespectacled man as she swept past him with a thank you and some weird handshake they’d concocted over the last couple of months and stepped inside, not saying anything until the door was shut and they were alone. And then she pulled a smartphone he’d never seen before out of her pocket.

“What’s that?”

“Thomas Pendleton’s phone,” she said with a nonchalant shrug.

Chuck’s eyes practically bugged right out of their sockets as he sat up straighter and spun his chair towards her. “What? How’d you get his phone?”

“I stole it. The guy kept setting it down everywhere he went and looking away. It was so easy. I don’t even know if he even realizes now, an hour later, that it’s been stolen.”

She rolled her eyes, but he was still stuck on the fact that his girlfriend had just stolen someone’s phone.

“And now you’re bringing stolen property into my place of work. Wonderful, great, thank you so much.” He gave her a teasing grin as she scoffed, walking around his desk and plopping down on the edge of it. “So what’s on it?” he asked, reaching up to take the phone.

She held it away from him. “You aren’t officially my partner or even my assistant, and I’m not sure I should even be sharing this info with you, Chuck Bartowski, heir of Bartowski Electronics Corporation.” He liked how flirty she was being. In fact, he’d go so far as to say he loved it. But it made him wonder if doing things like this made her a little cocky…or, as Morgan would say, randy. He couldn’t blame her, exactly…

“You could always make me your partner.”

“No.”

“Assistant sounds good.”

“You’re my big-brained boyfriend and that’s it.” She cocked an eyebrow.

“You share info about your cases with all your boyfriends?”

“Mmm, no. Just you. You’re the smartest boyfriend I’ve got at the moment.”

“Out of how many?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“You bad girl,” he teased, biting his lip, narrowing his eyes, and grinning.

When she got a certain glint in her eye, he felt like his prior thought about her being cocky wasn’t all that much of a reach. “If you promise not to tell anyone, I’ll let you help me call the phone numbers on here.”

Chuck sat back, away from her, and glared. “Ohhhh okay I get it now. I thought you were being all sexy and flirtatious with me because—never mind what I thought,” he said quickly. “But you’re just trying to get me to help you call a bajillion phone numbers to find out who his contacts are.”

“No, most of his contacts in his phone have labels and names. But he’s made over fifty recent calls to numbers that aren’t labeled and I do need help with that.” She sighed and put Pendleton’s phone on his desk. “This sucks. Back when I was at Pinkerton, I’d send it into our analysts and they’d come back with a list within a day. Ugh, it was so easy. Now I have to go all old school and actually call the numbers.”

Chuck shook his head with an amused huff. And then he stopped, an idea coming to him. “What if you didn’t have to do that? Even though you aren’t with Pinkerton anymore?” She narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean?”

Chuck held up a finger and spun back to his computer, clicking around until he got onto the Google document where he kept a list of projects his employees were working on. He scrolled through as he felt Sarah sidle up behind him and put her hands on his shoulders, leaning over him and dropping her lips to the top of his head.

“What’s this?” she asked.

“A top secret list of all of B.E.C.’s current projects, or at least…potential projects.” He tilted his head back and raised his eyebrow up at her. “This is super secret stuff. Feel special, Sarah.”

She giggled. “Oh, trust me. Not a day goes by when I’m with you that I don’t feel special.”

A slow grin grew on his face as he looked up at her. “That was pretty damn sappy and I dug it.”

Sarah leaned down to kiss his lips with another soft giggle, and she stood up again, squeezing his shoulders. “I figured you might. But why is this list going to help me?”

“Oh. Right.” He sat up again and kept scrolling. “These are the things my employees are working on outside of the everyday tasks their job requires of them. Things they pitch to me and my team…Well, mostly my team. I have a lot of employees and I can’t be one on one with all of ‘em that often. I see the prototypes when they seem viable enough to maybe implement them under our brand. But I seem to rememberrrr…hmmmm…” He found it. “Ha!”

He spun to his phone and picked it up, paging his assistant.

“Yeah, Boss…”

“Would you please get, um…” He glanced at his screen. “Phoebe Butler on the phone for me? I have no idea if she even works in this building. Does she work in this building?”

“Uh…I’ll find out, Chuck.”

“You’re the best. Thanks.”

He hung up the phone and turned his chair to look up at Sarah. “While we wait, how are you planning on getting the phone back to Pendleton?”

Sarah shrugged. “I’m meeting Mestik for coffee tomorrow morning, hopefully with some more info than I had for him last night,” she huffed. “I’ll just give it to him and let him slip it back in the jerk’s desk or something.”

“Good pl—”

Bzzzzzz!!!

Chuck gasped theatrically for Sarah’s benefit, earning a chuckle, and he smacked the speaker button. “Did you find her?”

“Her desk is on the third floor of this building, and I’ve got her on the line right now. Um…she sounds…nervous. So maybe let her know she isn’t fired. Wait…she isn’t fired is she?” his assistant asked.

Chuck laughed. “She isn’t fired. But thanks for the head’s up. Transfer her over.”

“On it.”

He grabbed the phone receiver and held it to his ear.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

She heard Chuck come in the door, the rustle of whatever he was carrying, and then the slam of him kicking the door shut as she poured over the notes she’d taken from tailing Thomas Pendleton and Penny Havert for the last few days.

“Hey, how was the store?” she asked, looking up from where she was draped across his couch.

“Okay, I can’t do Trader Joe’s anymore. I just can’t. Or, like, maybe I can take a Lyft there next time? Because parking is like… And I’m not trying to go to Disneyland on a Saturday, here. I’m not trying to wait in line for five hours. I just want to get some groceries on a Saturday. They need to fix their shit.”

He dropped the reusable bags on the counter and huffed.

Sarah giggled to herself and sat up with a soft groan, putting her paperwork down and going around into his kitchen to help him unload the groceries. “My poor guy, braving the weekend health food crowd so that I can have delicious lamb ribs for dinner tonight.”

His arm wrapped around her from behind as she took a bag of lettuce out, and he kissed the side of her face with a “muah”, before shifting his lips to her neck. “I’m going to bake the hell out of those ribs and I’m going to enjoy them, too, damn it.”

She giggled again.

They unloaded the groceries in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Chuck looked up from where he was sticking a few things in the fridge. “Still trying to connect the dots on that case?” he asked.

“Mhm. Well, I mean…Phoebe’s number tracking program helped a lot. Now that I know Thomas has been in contact with both Penny and that travel agency, I at least have a bit of a lead.”

“Who uses a travel agency, though? I know I said this before,” he said, shutting the fridge, “but, like, really. A travel agency? You can easily do everything through your computer and talk to zero other humans. How is that not the best choice?”

Sarah laughed. “That’s just it. I thought the same thing, but I did a bunch of research today while you were out running errands. Guess who owns that travel agency…”

Chuck stopped halfway through folding the now empty bag and looked up at her. “Oh, do you mean the cleverly named travel agency, ‘Go There’? That one?” He made a pfft sound and shook his head.

She laughed again. “Yeah. That one.”

“Who owns it?”

“Brett Smith.”

Chuck made a face, then grabbed another bag to fold it up. “Am I supposed to know who this is?”

“No, I mostly just paused for dramatic effect.”

“Oh, cool.”

“Brett Smith attended Texas Tech the same four years that Thomas Pendleton was there. They were both business majors and they were both a part of the Sigma Delta Alpha Nu Epsilon whatever-the-fuck fraternity there. I don’t remember the name, but it’s the same one. And I found a picture of them on the alumni website at their ten year reunion that happened a few years ago.”

“Great work, gumshooooe,” Chuck drawled, pointing. “No, seriously. That’s legit. So his frat buddy owns ‘Go There’. God, it’s so bad.”

“It’s terrible,” she agreed.

“And, what, he probably thinks that’s a pretty safe way to go, right? When you’re booking a vacation with your mistress, go with your bro. Don’t tell my wife, right, brah? Bro Code.” Chuck grabbed her hand and did a lame excuse for a high five with her. “Dope.”

“Okay, you’re a doofus. But that aside, you’re right. Those are my exact thoughts. Uh…in not so many words,” she said, giving him an amused side-eye. “There’s no paper trail—well, the online version. The travel agency has the paperwork but he trusts his frat bro to keep all of that safe. My only problem now is how do I get in there to get the itinerary for Thomas and Penny’s real vacation?”

Chuck shrugged, leaning back against the counter and popping a grape into his mouth. “Easy. Wait for ‘Go There’,” he rolled his eyes, “to close for the night, break in through the air conditioning system, crawl through the ducts, lower yourself Mission:Impossible style into the room where they keep their records, and take pictures of it with your ballpoint pen that’s actually a camera. Boom. Done.”

Sarah just looked at him for a moment, almost impressed. “Wow. I was really expecting a legitimate idea that would actually be helpful…the whole body stance and your delivery was that good.”

He smiled around the grape and shrugged again. “You’re welcome.”

“Do you have anything else to add?”

“Um…I’ll think on it.”

She sniffed in amusement and wadded up a produce bag, throwing it at his face as he laughed and batted it away. She left the kitchen and walked back to the couch, plopping down. He sat beside her and swung his legs around to drape them over her lap, laying his head against the armrest. She began rubbing his leg muscles in that way he liked and he sighed, his eyelids fluttering.

She’d been to that same store on the weekend before and she knew he wasn’t just being melodramatic. It was a damn trial getting through there. But the food was amazing and so was the price.

“I mean, is there a way to get them to give you the itinerary? So you don’t have to break in and steal it?” he asked.

“There must be. I just haven’t thought of it yet—Wait.” He sat up quickly, staring at her and waiting patiently for her to continue as her mind went a mile a minute. “I might’ve just thought of it. I’d need a really good cover. And I’d have to sell it.”

“A cover? Like…incognito?” He gasped and it was so boyish and adorable. “Like a disguise?!”

“Maybe not that intense. But I am going to need to figure out how to forge an ID and business cards so that I have some way of proving who I am.”

He blinked. “Who are you?” He shook his head. “I mean, I know who you are. I just mean…who are you supposed to be?”

“Mr. Thomas Pendleton’s assistant, of course. Just need to make a few changes to the business trip itinerary for the boss man.” She smirked flirtatiously.

“Okay wait. Are you flirting with me, or are you going to try to seduce Brett Smith?”

She smacked his shoulder hard as he laughed. “I’m flirting with you, you ass!” She laughed with him and shook her head. “I just don’t know how I’m going to make business cards and forge an ID in such short notice. I could use my own ID, but it’s still a Chicago driver’s license and I’m not sure I want my real name anywhere near this.”

“Uh, yeah. I don’t really want the name Sarah Walker to be in their minds for when all of the shit hits the fan for their buddy Tommy,” he said, and he put his hand on her thigh and squeezed. She thought it was a bit of protectiveness, something she hadn’t necessarily seen from him before. And, to her surprise, she liked it.

“Know any forgers?”

“I might. And he has access to an ID card printer.”

Sarah gaped at him. “Wait, seriously? I was joking. You really do?”

He shrugged. “You want an ID and some business cards or no?”

A slow smile grew on her face and she had the urge to kiss him. Alas, it would take some acrobatics to do so and she didn’t have time to waste, so she just winked instead. “Take me to him.”

XOXOXOXOXOXO

“Don’t ever stop surprising me, Tech Guy.”

She heard the wonder in her own voice as she watched Chuck fiddle with the ID card software on the system. He was meticulously building a California driver’s license for her, even superimposing the shiny golden gate bridge decal into the background of the card. He had his own license propped on the keyboard so that he could copy it as best he could.

“I’ll do my best, Sarah Walker, P.I.,” he muttered distractedly.

“Seriously. When I asked if you know any forgers, I had no idea the forger you knew was…you. What, did you do this for a little side cash when you were in college?” She snorted, but then his hands stopped what they were doing and he snuck a look at her over his shoulder, his features pinched.

“What if I said yes?”

She stepped around his chair and looked down at him. “Did you really?”

“Listen, those Beverly Hills brats had a lot of money and they coughed up big bucks for fake IDs so they could buy brewskies for their dumb parties. My dad was struggling and it was a help.”

To say she was shocked was an understatement. “You forged IDs for kids to buy beer? Also, did you just say brewskies unironically?? That feels like the more important question. Strangely.”

Chuck laughed, but there was a thread of nervousness in it. “Oh, I said it with complete and utter irony, trust me. And um…to that first question…yes…I did.” He winced. “It was easy, fast cash. And erm…I don’t do it anymore. Except, well…right now. I’m doing it for you right now. In the belly of Bartowski Electronics Corporation on a Saturday afternoon when it’s completely abandoned. Because I am not stupid.”

Sarah gaped at him. “Oh my God.”

She read nervousness in his face then as he swallowed, and she quickly dove in to put her hands on his shoulders. “Wait, wait…What d’you think, I’m gonna turn you in to the LAPD or something?” She giggled as he gave her a bit of a dark look. “Chuck, come on. It’s not like you’re a serial killer. You maybe contributed to a few alcohol poisonings, but teenagers eventually find a way to get alcohol anyway, so whatever.”

Chuck grumbled and went back to work, the dark look fading a bit at least.

“This is actually kind of amazing, if you think about it,” she said, still completely gobsmacked to have learned this pretty important tidbit about the man she’d thought was such a saint before today—well, in all the ways it mattered, at least. She stepped back behind him and slid her arms around his neck, cuddling him and pressing her cheek against his. “I’m in a very serious romantic relationship with a criminal. Maybe I am a little bit of a hardboiled detective. And you, my good man…You’re my nerd-fatale.”

He burst into laughter and shook his head, shifting in the chair to face her a little better. “I’ll take it, and gladly, but I also promise that in spite of my…checkered past…” he said with a smolder, and she snorted, “I would never lead you down any dark paths, or use you for my selfish whims…”

She growled, sliding her fingers into his mess of curls and tightening her grip, tugging his head back teasingly and meeting his laughing brown eyes with her blue ones. “That’s what they all say…in the beginning…”

Their lips met then, and she tangled her fingers of one hand in his hair, sliding the other around his neck, deepening the kiss. When she felt him sweep his tongue against hers, she pulled back quickly, even going so far as to put a good two feet between them, leaving him sitting there with a put out look on his face.

“Wha—why?” he whined.

“We have work to do.”

“No. But—No, why?”

She giggled. “Listen, buster, I’d like nothing more than to utilize this strange little illegal forgery den as a setting for a seriously hot private eye and nerd-fatale encounter, but first I need that driver’s license and those business cards.”

Sarah couldn’t help but feel a little guilty as his shoulders slumped and he turned back to the computer. She leaned in and hugged him from the side, kissing his temple. “I mean…there’s always…after…”

Chuck’s head snapped up as he gave her a wide-eyed look. A crooked smile tilted his handsome mouth for just a split second, before he dove back into his work with a vengeance. “One driver’s license for Jennifer Burton, coming up.”

XOXOXOXOXO

Sarah heard the door to the outer office open, then the shuffling of feet, and finally… “Miss Walker?”

Letting herself half a moment to take a deep breath, Sarah stood from her desk upon which she’d set up all of her materials, and walked to stand in the doorway of her personal office. “Mr. Mestik, good afternoon.”

He clapped his hands together upon seeing her. “Afternoon, Miss Walker. My assistant said you needed to see me as soon as I was able to come.”

“Yes. Thank you for coming so soon, sir. Come into my office.”

“Yes, uh…Of course. Thank you.”

He followed her into her office and took a seat in the chair across from her, on the other side of her desk. “I gotta hand it to ya, Miss Walker, you’re always prompt. This looks like…well, it looks like evidence.”

“Yes, well…My time is valuable, and yours is even more valuable.”

He nodded.

“Can I get you some coffee or…?”

“I don’t drink the stuff,” he said, waving his hand. “Trudy has weaned me off of it with tea.” Greg Mestik smacked his lips with a disgusted face. “But it’s better for my heart. I guess. So they say.”

“Understood. Well, let’s get down to business, then, Mr. Mestik. There’s a lot.”

“By all means.” And then he paused, his dark brow turning down, a frown on his face. “Is it worse than the news you gave me the other night?”

She’d told him about Penny Havert the Mistress the other night, and he’d wanted to see the proof, so she’d been forced to give him the photographs she’d taken. His response was… Well, angry would’ve been an understatement.

“I’m not sure.”

He sighed. “Just give it to me straight. Am I being swindled?”

“In no uncertain terms, sir, yes. You are. Now, I couldn’t tell you that for sure before because I had to collect evidence sufficient enough for you to go to the authorities. I planned on making sure you got that before the business trip to Atlanta, because…Well, there is no business trip to Atlanta.” She grabbed the folder in the corner of her desk, then turned it towards him, putting it between them and pushing it closer to him.

“No business trip? There’s a conference on insurance and marketing there. He practically begged me to let him be the one I sent, said he needed to brush up on…What’s this?” Mestik asked as she flipped the folder open and showed him a travel itinerary that looked very different from the one he’d emailed her a few days earlier.

“Thomas Pendleton purchased two plane tickets to Miami through a travel agency.”

“Miami? What the shit? And he used a travel agency? What is this, nineteen-seventy-five?” He shook his head, then scratched the back of his neck. “I’m very confused. What is all of this?”

“I used a very precise, rather genius computer program that a, um, friend created to figure out whom all of the unlisted phone numbers in Thomas’ phone belong to.” She took the suspect’s phone out of her bag and slid it across to Mestik. “There’s that for you.” His eyes popped. She probably should’ve warned him that she’d stolen his niece’s husband’s phone, but oh well.

“It’s supposed to be used as sort of a telemarketer deterrent, but it gave me a list of individuals and businesses he’s called in the last few months. A month and a half ago, he contacted a travel agency called ‘Go There’—I know, it’s a really great name, right?” When Mestik didn’t respond, she cleared her throat and continued. “Anyway, he used this particular agency because an old frat buddy from college owns it. He thought it’d be a lot safer and leave less of a paper trail doing it through someone he trusted rather than online. That whole Bro Code thing, I’m assuming. But it’s really easy to get around the Bro Code, I’ve found. I just pretended I was Thomas’ assistant and I needed them to change part of the trip. I had them email the itinerary to an address I created for this purpose exactly, and then I called them back and had them change a small enough detail in the plans that neither Thomas nor Penny would notice. I have the flight information, the hotel information—a suite overlooking the Miami bay, cocktails on the terrace every afternoon at the same time…which is…strangely precise, but whatever…uh, the rental car information. There’s also a reservation for a boat tour of the Florida Keys. A reservation for two. The dates coincide with the exact dates of the seven day trip to Atlanta he told you he was going on.”

She sat back and took a deep breath, letting Mestik look through all of it himself. The frown on his face grew deeper and deeper as he flipped through all of it.

“Swimming with the dolphins, is he?” He chuckled mirthlessly and then sat back, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Well, you got evidence that he’s a lying cheating son of a bitch, but what about the money he’s stealing from me?”

She slid another file towards him. “Thomas Pendleton’s income doesn’t match the amount of money he’s been putting into three different banks systematically for a while. He then transfers the money into a fourth account, slowly but surely, and Penny withdraws. She’s the one whose name and money went towards air fare, the hotel suite, the reservations, the rental car, everything. Although it isn’t her money, it is your money, Mr. Mestik. Open that file. Inside is the concrete evidence they’ve been embezzling from Mestik Insurance. Redirecting client payments to their own pockets. Once you get the LAPD involved, they’ll have much more freedom as far as being able to go through private files to bring Mr. Pendleton down.

“Yes, of course you’re right.” He looked haunted.

“For what it’s worth, Mr. Mestik, I’m sorry. It’s hard enough to see actions like this from a valued employee, but I can’t imagine how much worse it is with family.”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass about him. I just didn’t want Irma hurt. This is awful.” He let out a long sigh and then shook his head. “You did exemplary work, Miss Walker. Thank you. I’m passing your name on to colleagues, you can be sure of that.”

“That’s kind of you, Mr. Mestik. Thank you.”

Sarah waited for almost a minute, as he sat there buried in his thoughts, looking very troubled. And then she quietly gathered the evidence into a neat stack, and eased them into a carrying case. Eventually, he lifted his gaze to hers and she continued. “Here’s all of the evidence I’ve found and notes I’ve taken. It should be more than enough to convince the LAPD to continue my investigation and make an arrest.”

“Thank you, Miss Walker.” He stood again. “Especially considering in just a few days, I would’ve been sending that little shit on an all-expense-paid getaway with someone who isn’t his wife.”

“I wanted to make sure that didn’t happen. I also, erm, didn’t want to have to go to Atlanta or Miami. That would’ve been expensive for you as well.”

“Yes. Thank you. I…hope I can also count on you…” He cleared his throat. “…keeping things under your hat about this. It is already going to be difficult enough for Irma without extra…attention.”

“I have a strict policy of complete secrecy. I used to work with Pinkerton, Mr. Mestik, and they taught me how best to stay out of the way of the press. I assure you, I won’t be talking to anyone.”

“Good.” He nodded. “Good good. Oh! Yes. Payment.” He went into his blazer jacket and pulled out a checkbook, leaning over on his desk and writing it out. “I take it the amount is still the same as the one you gave me before…?”

“I’m not charging you for any extra expenses. Same amount. Thank you, Sir.”

He looked pleasantly surprised and relieved as he looked up at her, and then he bent to his task again, finally tearing the check out of the book and handing it to her. “You do excellent work. And you’re kind. I’m grateful.”

“Thank you, Mr. Mestik. And I hope everything turns out okay.”

“Me, too.”

They shook hands again and the man smiled, picking up the carrying case with all of the evidence the LAPD might use to arrest his niece’s husband. He walked to the door and pushed it open, moving into the outer office. Sarah slid into the doorway and watched him as he opened her outer office door. His shoulders were slumped and he was moving so much slower.

And for the first time since she began this case, she was starting to come to terms with the emotional and mental toll her findings would have on an entire family. Her chest throbbed a bit as he shut the door behind him and she let out a long breath.

She lifted the check Mestik had written her and she eyed the zeros, letting herself have just a moment of celebration, before she composed herself again and grabbed her jacket and bag. She had work to do.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Chuck had just finished arranging the gardenias in the vase he’d purchased at a corner store when he heard the door to Sarah’s agency open. “Oooh! You’re back already!” He lunged for the doorway to her personal office. “I have a surprise for y—You’re not Sarah. Hi.” He cleared his throat and stood up straighter, running his hands down the front of his T-shirt.

He eyed the man standing at the entrance to Sarah’s private investigative agency. He was even taller than Chuck, which was…something. And he was built like a tank, his hair cut close to his head, his features twisted in what seemed like a permanent state of distrust or disgust…maybe both?

And then he went into his pocket, looking around the place and letting go of the door so that he could step inside. “No, I’m not Sarah. She ain’t here?”

“Uh, she ain’t—isn’t. Can…Can I help you?”

“You her assistant or secretary or somethin’?”

Chuck pulled his lips between his teeth and winced, then made a popping sound. “Um, no. No, no. I am her boyfriend. Heh. She just solved a case and I snuck in here to put flowers on her desk. Sort of a congra—”

“I don’t care. You know when she’s gonna be back?”

Chuck frowned a bit. “No. I mean…soon maybe?”

“Not a very good secretary, are ya? Hope she doesn’t pay you a lot.”

“She doesn’t pay me anything, because I’m not her secretary. I’m her boyfriend. Are you just not listening to me?”

“Guess not.” He finally pulled his hand out of the blue windbreaker he wore and Chuck was sure for a second that it would be a gun and he was about to be shot in his girlfriend’s P.I. agency. But instead it was a badge. And Chuck noticed there was a gun in a shoulder holster, before the man pulled his jacket over it with a grunt.

“Detective Casey, LAPD. I need to talk to your boss as soon as possible, kid.”

“She’s not my boss—You know what? Never mind. I give up.” He went to the nearby desk and grabbed a notepad and pen from the drawer. “You have a number where she can reach you, or—”

“Move.” He was easily shifted out of the way by one hand on his shoulder. The detective scrawled a number down on the notepad. “Have her call me there the moment she comes in. Tell her to ask for Detective John Casey. Got it? Can you handle that much?”

Chuck had to force himself to remember the man had a pair of handcuffs somewhere and a gun, and his bail could easily be what Sarah spent her Mestik case paycheck on instead of building up her business like she planned to. And instead of reacting, he just nodded, keeping his annoyance from his face. “Yep. Got it. Will do. Uh…Sir? Detective, ahem…Detective Sir.”

“Casey.”

“Yes. Sorry. Detective Casey. Is Sarah…Is she in trouble for something?”

The man let out an amused grunt and ran his eyes down his tall, lanky frame, very blatantly surveying him. “She ain’t in trouble. Just need some information about a case. Filling in some holes, that’s all. Why?” He grunted again, humor in his face. As much humor as the man was capable of, at least. “You got a crush on ‘er?”

Chuck narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. “Mmmmm. Again, she’s my girlfriend.”

“Heh. Whatever you say, big-britches.”

Well, at least this time he acknowledged the words that had come out of Chuck’s mouth, even if he apparently didn’t believe them.

“Just make sure she calls. I don’t wanna hafta come back here.” The man flicked the pen in his hand at the desk, apparently not caring that it rolled right off the desk and onto the floor, and then he was gone, leaving the agency door slamming hard enough to rattle the frame.

“Okay bye,” Chuck said to no one in particular.

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warfear · 4 years

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✩ puli

* groans loudly *

DISAGREEMENTS

WHO IS MORE LIKELY TO RAISE THEIR VOICE? obviously miss poop. juli hasn’t raised his voice in his life… that’s no joke. can really only recall ONE fight he’s ever had with somebody. like, emotionally. he’s always fighting for the laffs. WHO THREATENS TO LEAVE BUT NEVER ACTUALLY DOES? pippa again. she’d be way too obsessed with the last word, and you know him… never shuts the fuck up. they’d be going back and forth all night. WHO ACTUALLY KEEPS THEIR WORD AND LEAVES? julian. he’s not really a towel thrower but like, when a man has had enough... WHO TRASHES THE HOUSE? pippa would throw a hissy fit and break multiple vases. those were expensive bitch. you better venmo his mommy right now. DO EITHER OF THEM GET PHYSICAL? she might slap him. maybe. does she have the balls? somebody’s got to. HOW OFTEN DO THEY ARGUE/DISAGREE? every god damn day. over everything. agreeing is for SUCKERS. WHO IS THE FIRST TO APOLOGISE? julian. obviously. he’s doing it right now in our thread that you refuse to reply to.

SEX

WHO IS ON TOP? i don’t think pippa likes to get down and dirty in missionary soooo… ya make a wild guess. WHO IS ON THE BOTTOM? * ladybird vc * who’s on top their first time?! WHO HAS THE STRANGEST DESIRES? pippa. she fucked her babysitter slash principal. that was mad weird. funny how juli knows about that and STILL choose to knock boots. he must be confident in her weekly planned parenthood check - ups. ANY KINKS? enthusiastic consent on his part. duh. pippa seems to be VERY into pegging. sounds like she fetishizes homosexual men to me. larry much? big yikes. WHO’S MORE DOMINANT IN BED? we like a girl who knows what she wants. no, genuinely… he does. it’s hot. IS HEAD EVER IN THE EQUATION? juli be eating that wap like its a five course meal followed up by a midnight snack. she slobbers on that dick like its a popsicle stick.If so, who is better at performing it? her, definitely. he’s only really fucked a handful of people, and that includes her. let a boy practice, damn. EVER HAD SEX IN PUBLIC? do parties count as public? if no, then they better get to it. Who moans the most? for juli’s sake, i hope pippa. or else we might be dealing with a case of deflation. WHO LEAVES THE MOST MARKS? pippa seems like she gets into it, so i’ll go with her. Who screams the loudest? i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again... WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SCREAMING AND MOANING? WHO IS THE MORE EXPERIENCED OF THE TWO? as established, it’s pipperoo. DO THEY ‘FUCK’ OR ‘MAKE LOVE’? they fuck. plain and simple. maybe when he’s popped that bun in the oven we can get to talking about slowing our roll (no pun intended. just kidding, it was intentional) ROUGH OR SOFT? well, it’s not rough but it’s not soft, either. ya dig? a neat little mixture of both. he’s not a bdsm god, okay. we can’t ALL be randy. but i do wish we could. HOW LONG DO THEY USUALLY LAST? now, i won’t act as if he can go all night in terms of dicking her down… HOWEVER, he don’t give up and if we gotta put our other limbs to use (just fingers, dudes, don’t get any ideas), then so be it. is the tongue a limb? hm. IS PROTECTION USED? with his sperm count? naw. DOES IT EVER GET BORING? probably, they’re depressed.Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? this universe.

FAMILY

DO YOUR MUSES PLAN ON HAVING CHILDREN/OR HAVE CHILDREN? they do not plan on that shit, alright. but if shit hits the fan and a little gremlin starts growing inside the gremlin (let her have some water, did we?), then i guess. just know it wasn’t premeditated. IF SO, HOW MANY CHILDREN DO YOUR MUSES WANT/HAVE? just the one, thanks. WHO IS THE FAVORITE PARENT? say it’s NOT the apocalypse, then pippa. she would spoil that little brat until it turned into a mini - her. but other than that, juli’s good with kids. THEY LIKE HIM. let me have this. WHO IS THE MORE AUTHORIATIVE PARENT? i feel like juli would be able to handle the everyday stuff of like, “don’t eat glue”. but pippa would be the one snapping, for sure. WHO IS MORE LIKELY TO ALLOW THE CHILDREN TO HAVE A DAY OFF SCHOOL? pippa. juli values education, okay? he’s a little steven crain, why yes he is. WHO LETS THE CHILDREN INDULGE IN SWEETS AND JUNK FOOD WHEN THE OTHER ISN’T AROUND? juli. pippa might be a druggie trainwreck but i don’t see her eating hot cheetos for lunch, nah… that’s juli! WHO TURNS UP TO EXTRA CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES TO SUPPORT THEIR CHILDREN? juli shows up for the everyday. pippa the games / performances. you think she’s gonna miss her chance at being regina george’s mom? no. WHO GOES TO THE PARENT TEACHER INTERVIEWS? pippa forgets them and that leaves daddy julian apolskis with the hot teachers. thank you, poop. WHO CHANGES THE DIAPERS? julian. no further commentary. WHO GETS UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO FEED THE BABY? see above. somebody’s a LAZY bitch… WHO SPENDS THE MOST TIME WITH THE CHILDREN? i mean, i don’t wanna repeat myself but. WHO PACKS THEIR LUNCHES? naw, that’s a lunch money kid right there. WHO GIVES THEIR CHILDREN ‘THE TALK’? neither, they’d call juli’s mommy or kitty for that shit. WHO CLEANS UP AFTER THE KIDS? think pippa would hire a maid, honestly. juli’s not very organised and pippa’s, well… pippa. WHO WORRIES THE MOST? julian, for cheesy. WHO ARE THE CHILDREN MORE LIKELY TO LEARN THEIR FIRST SWEAR WORD FROM? oh, that’s a tie. they’d argue about who done did it… you know, like the potty mouths they are. but it’d end up being kitty.

AFFECTION

WHO LIKES TO CUDDLE? julian loves himself a little cuddle sesh. why, is she not down? boo. WHO IS THE LITTLE SPOON? both, what the fuck. * ariana grande vc * IT’S EQUALITY. WHO GETS NAUGHTY IN THE MOST INAPPROPRIATE PLACES? pippa. like you really wanna be getting down and dirty in the diaper aisle of wholefood? get ya damn hand off his non - existent buttocks. WHO STRUGGLES TO KEEP THEIR HANDS TO THEMSELF? yeah, see above. HOW LONG CAN THEY CUDDLE UNTIL ONE BECOMES UNCOMFORTABLE? like 3 minutes for her. he can go all night, baby. WHO GIVES THE MOST KISSES? probably juli. HE’S AFFECTIONATE. WHAT IS THEIR FAVOURITE NON-SEXUAL ACTIVITY? bitching with blunts. WHERE IS THEIR FAVOURITE PLACE TO CUDDLE? uh, a BED? WHO IS MORE LIKELY TO PLAYFULLY GROPE THE OTHER? did you not read ANYTHING i said? HOW OFTEN DO THEY GET TIME TO THEMSELVES? i feel like they both demand a lot of me - time, and honestly i don’t see them simply existing in quietude next to each other, so… often.

SLEEPING

WHO SNORES? pippa like the wee pug she is. IF BOTH DO, WHO SNORES THE LOUDEST? she do, bitch. DO THEY SHARE A BED OR SLEEP SEPARATELY? who are they, bandy? they don’t live together but i’d ASSUME if they fucked and it went past midnight neither would just dip, that’s dumb. IF THEY SLEEP TOGETHER, DO THEY COZY UP TOGETHER OR LAY FAR APART? we start far, far away and we end up a wee bit cozy. WHO TALKS IN THEIR SLEEP? neither. that’s some tom behaviour. WHAT DO THEY WEAR TO BED? juli’s just a boxers type guy, add a t - shirt for winter. and i’m guessing she has some cutesy pajamas that are like pink… and silk. ARE EITHER OF YOUR MUSES INSOMNIACS? juli could sleep a year. but he could also stay up a year. it’s a toss - up. i think pippa has a noise machine and a sleep mask, so. CAN SLEEPING PILLS BE FOUND BY THE BEDSIDE? yes. and we pop those for fun. DO THEY WRAP THEIR LIMBS AROUND EACH OTHER OR JUST LAY SIDE BY SIDE? both. although the former is ACCIDENTAL. Who wakes up with bed hair? juli, for sure. have you seen his hair? he ain’t brush that. Who wakes up first? fucking neither. they sleep until noon and THEN SOME. Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? juli can’t cook but if she wants a poptart… baby, he’s your man. What is their favourite sleeping position? probably like… him on his back, arm stretched out for her to use as a pillow and then she sleeps with her back towards him. what, is he not CUTE enough to face? Who hogs the sheets? pippa. greedy as hell. Do they set an alarm each night? neither, lols. Can a television be found in their bedroom? juli has one in his bedroom, but pippa might be too poor to afford that, so. Who has nightmares? i don’t think either do. then again, i don’t edward cullen pippa every night. Who has ridiculous dreams? probably juli. they’d be incoherent and she’d be like “shut up it’s 7 am i do not wanna hear about your homoerotic dreams about harrison ford.” Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? i feel like they are both sprawlers. Who makes the bed? neither, it just be looking like a HOT HOT mess at all times. What time is bed time? sunrise. Any routines/rituals before bed? more bitching with blunts. Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? my guess would be pippa. he’s not in a great mood but he’s also not in a bitchy mood. and she always is.

WORK

Who is the busiest? juli, seeing as he’s the only one with a job. freeloader much @ poopy. Who rakes in the highest income? somehow, despite not being unemployed, not juli. Are any of your muses unemployed? pippa and she’ll stay that way until the day she dies. ain’t got no skills, lady luv, what are you gonna do? onlyfans? yeah, you wish. Who takes the most sick days? pippa. from like, existing. Who is more likely to turn up late to work? juli because he doesn’t have a fucking car. who skates to work? losers, that’s who. Who sucks up to their boss? fucking NEITHER. when have these dumbos ever sucked up to anybody? What are their jobs? juli’s a clerk at the comic book store and pippa’s a professional slut. Who stresses the most? tew many blunts to be stressing, my dude. Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? julian actually likes his job. because comics are his PASSION. one and only aside from punk and being a little meanie. and who cares about pippa’s stance on unemployment? not me. Are your muses financially stable? juli, no. although he lives at home so it’s fine. pippa, yes.

HOME

Who does the washing? juli, reluctantly, after a lot of bitching from a miss espina. Who takes out the trash? he takes her out every friday night. haha, just kidding.jokes, jokes… but he does take out the trash. Who does the ironing? i think pippa hates wrinkly clothing HOWEVER she would burn holes in that shit and he’d have to do it anyway. Who does the cooking? it’s called take - out, baby. look it up and order me some red curry chicken from your nearest thai food place. Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? pippa, hence… them not doing that. the oven is purely decorative. Who is messier? pippa. somehow. Who leaves the toilet roll empty? also pippa because she does not respect her fellow man (julian) Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? that’s juli, alright. pippa would at least fill the hamper until it overflows. good for her. Who forgets to flush the toilet? NEITHER. get some help. Who is the prankster around the house? juli would probably do something very lighthearted and then she’d take it like eleven notches too far. Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? pippa be throwing those bitches halfway the antarctic, lemme tell you. then again he doesn’t even know how to drive, so… you win some, you lose some. Who mows the lawn? * TRIGGERED * Who answers the telephone? pippa would yell at juli to do it while she’s standing RIGHT THERE and then he’d be like yo, wtf and she’d be like omg my pedicure, though… yup. Who does the vacuuming? juli’s mommy. Who does the groceries? THEY DON’T COOK. Who takes the longest to shower? pippa. juli’s an in - and - out kinda guy. and i respect that more than i respect her for taking 45 minutes every time. Who spends the most time in the bathroom? see above.

MISCELLANEOUS

Is money a problem? no, but maybe it should be. then she wouldn’t be such a horrid little cunt, you know? too much? yeah, well… like queen lizzo once said, the truth hurts. How many cars do they own? i wanna say… one. Do they own their home or do they rent? um, owning a home is a huge commitment (and a baby simply isn’t, just leave it on the curb outside and you’ll be gucci within 30 minutes top) and they’re not committed to the cause. Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? bitch, city. but a city near the coast? ahah, seattle? Do they live in the city or in the country? fucking see above, damn. Do they enjoy their surroundings? sure, why not. sounds cute. What’s their song? wap, obviously. but also everybody talks by neon trees. don’t ask me for 80’s songs, i am brain dead. What do they do when they’re away from each other? rejoice. Where did they first meet? at a party, probably. How did they first meet? let’s just make it less awk and say through a mutual friend... Who spends the most money when out shopping? how is this even a question… obviously juli spends big bucks on nightwing comics that heavily feature dick’s thick behind. Who’s more likely to flash their assets? pippa should be robbed. Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? both. pippa would just more vocal about it. Any mental issues? * takes long drag of a cigarette * so anyway... Who’s terrified of bugs? pippa cries at the sight of butterflies. did i steal that from some toddler in the chat? yeah. Who kills the spiders around the house? jjuli would let it outside. like idiots who want the spider to come back in do. Their favourite place? probably some shitty make - out spot in the woods where you can smoke weed and bitch. Who pays the bills? juli would insist on paying half even if she could buy him. Do they have any fears for their future? ahah.... hunny… for that you’d have to expect a future. Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? juli. he’s a big softie, alright. Who uses up all of the hot water? well only one of them spends the whole day in the shower, so. Who’s the tallest? JULI, FOR ONCE. Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? that’s a pippa move if i’ve ever heard one. Who wanders around in their underwear? well, he’s not gonna be putting on any pants unless there’s company. Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? see, juli would jam out to some sick punk rock and she’d turn it off for madonna and then have HER moment but man, did you know he’ll just join? that’s kinda cute * barf * What do they tease each other about? their respective failures. Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? he looks like he got dressed in the dark. Do they have mutual friends? HAAAAAAAAA... Who crushed first? IF that were to ever be a thing, then juli for sure. Any alcohol or substance related problems? * loud breathing for 16 consecutive minutes * Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? both of them. maybe together.

#jesus h roosevelt christ #inbox › 𝐣𝐚.#ft. pippa › 𝐣𝐚.#archive › 𝐣𝐚.#deathdoors

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cryinggameff · 7 years

Text

Sixty One

Randi

Cayden and I were in a really good place since my last therapy session and we had been talking about a lot of things over the last 2 weeks. I guess my opening up and emotional display when I came home had really made him feel some way because he had been telling me a lot about his childhood and things that made him the way he was.

We sat in the car driving to the mall because I wanted a dress to wear to the club for some event Cole and Ty were having. I sat in the passenger seat with my hand on the console and his over mine.

“So tell me about you and Ty stealing cars as kids,” I said, looking over and smiling at him. He laughed.

“God, we were idiots. We made hella money doing that though. Most of my elementary and high school I was doing that. This random OG worked in a car shop I used to walk past on my way to school. Well pretending to walk to school. He’d see me ditch my bag once I made it past the block and go off to do whatever reckless shit for the day,” he said.

“You didn’t go to school?” I asked.

“Nah, I hated it. Never understood what was happening in class,” he shrugged.

“But you’re smart Cay,” I was confused.

“It wasn’t that, I just ain’t pay attention. All I wanted was to either play ball or kick it with my homies. Ty didn’t go to my school and he was my best friend, so I think that made it worse.”

“Awe you missed him,” I giggled. He kissed his teeth. “Ok so the guy at the car shop.”

“Yeah, so he seen me, then one day he stopped me and asked where I was going everyday. I said no where, then he asked if I wanted to put my time into something profitable. Being the young pimpin I was, I was like aight. Told Ty, and that’s how we ended up brining in cars for him,” he finished the story. I raised my brows.

“So your mom didn’t know what you was doing?”

“No. Trey didn’t even know for a while,” he laughed after that.

“What?” I grinned looking up at his amused face.

“I just remembered how he beat my ass when he found out. He said he didn’t want me doing all that, even though the nigga was balls deep in the drug game,” he explained.

“He wanted to protect you.” I understood that. Cay nodded. “Trey sounds like he was a really good brother.”

“He was,” he looked away and out the windshield to the long line of backed up cars in front of us. We had been stuck in traffic for over an hour but I didn’t mind.

“Does it still make you sad to talk about him?” I asked, squeezing his hand. He shook his head.

“Not so much now. 2,3, years ago, ya. But it’s ok now. ‘Course I wish he was here. But he’s gone and he ain’t coming back, nothing I can do,” his face didn’t reveal much.

“I wish that for you too,” I said. I lifted our hands and kissed the back of his. He glanced over at me and smirked.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you more,” I said, digging through my bag with my free hand.

“What are you looking for?” He asked, glancing at the rear view mirror.

“Food,” I said.

“We should be there soon now. We’re the next exit,” he said. My stomach growled in response.

“Hopefully I make it,” I said, opening a candy I’d found.

“We stopped at McDonald’s on our way here mama,” he said.

“So what are you trying to say,” I said, closing my bag and folding my hands.

“Nothing. Hey look at that dog in the car next to us,” he changed the subject.

“Don’t get any idea’s,” I said.

“Come on, we should get one. They’re so cute,” he said.

“They are cute, but I know you’d get one and I’d end up doing everything,” I narrowed my eyes. He chuckled.

“All you gotta do is walk it,” he said.

“And pick up it’s poo. Nah I can’t do dog shit. I can change diapers, wipe a bum or 2” I said without thinking and there was a brief silence. It wasn’t an awkward silence. The tension between us was hard to explain. The way he looked at me made my knees weak and I couldn’t look away so that didn’t help.

“You can put diapers on the dog,” he said.

“You know how expensive diapers are?” I laughed “ if I’m buying them there better be a human baby involved.”

“Good point,” he said, changing lanes to exit. I looked out the window. I could see the mall from where we were.

In the mall we went into several stores looking for a white dress since the theme was all white.

“This feels like shopping for my wedding dress all over again,” I said as Cayden zipped me into a dress. I turned around to face him and he was cheesing.

“You looked sexy as hell in that dress,” he said.

“I liked seeing you in a suit,” i said, placing my hands on his chest.

“Maybe we should get married again,” he suggested. I laughed.

“I barely survived the first wedding, I was so nervous. Can’t do that again,” I said, playing with the hair at the back of his neck.

“You got over it though,” he said.

“Yeah, when I saw your face it went away,” i recalled the exact moment.

“Aweee,” he said, imitating a female voice. I rolled my eyes.

“Lucky I like you,” I mumbled.

“I like you too I guess,” he shrugged. I pulled away to look in the mirror. “And I like this one,” he said.

“It makes me look wide,” I frowned at the mirror. He shook his head.

“Nah it’s good,” he assured me. “Your boobs look big, you always like that,” he shrugged.

“They do don’t they,” I turned to the side peeping the cleavage. “Ok I’ll get it.”

I went back into the change room and closed the door to get back in to my own clothes.

Cole

Ty drove up to Dallas to pick me up Saturday morning after my first week at training camp. I low key missed everybody but particularly him. He insisted on me coming back for the weekend since I had no training and he wanted to throw some kind of party or whatever which was dope. We were on some couple shit for real this time so i guess he wasn’t worried about going out together and everyone knowing what was really going down. Now that he was out of the closet as gay…or bi…or whatever he classified himself as.

We were packing up the car with my few things and were about to hit the road.

“You say bye to your little friends?” He asked. I scoffed.

“You’re jealous aren’t you?” I guessed. “All these buff football niggas.”

“Only if you give me a reason to be,” he shrugged.

“That’s not my type anyway,” I said, locking the door to my apartment. We went down the stairs to the car.

“What is your type?” He asked several minutes later. I shrugged.

“Lanky niggas like you,” I said with a smirk. He didn’t think it was funny, but what was new.

We stopped for food at Buffalo Wild Wings before going to Ty’s place because we were both starving. Our wings came and we ate them while watching the golden state game that was on the TV.

“So i been wondering,” i said, starting on something that had been on my mind for a while.

“Yeah,” he said, eyes on the Tv above.

“How was it being with girls before?” I made my tone casual. He shrugged.

“Good,” he said, “it was never nothing serious, just fucked with some chicks.”

“Whats better? Being with a dude or a chick?” i chuckled but it was a bit nervous honestly. I thought about the fact that, for most of his life, Ty had been interested in girls quite a lot. Not gonna lie, it made me insecure because unlike me, he was actually attracted to women as well, and i wasn’t sure where that left me. I had to worry about him looking both ways. All this shit was why in the past i didnt take things past hookups. He looked from the TV to me and looked unusually serious.

“It aint even about that,” he said. “Being with you is better, and not because you a dude. Because you’re you,” he said. That was just about the most, lovey dovey, romantic or whatever you wanna call it, thing anyone had ever said to me. I didnt have anything to say back, i was just surprised. “Better not tell anyone i said that soft ass shit.” I grinned.

“Bet,” i said. He nodded and turned back to the TV.

When we got to Ty’s place we somehow ended up making out as soon as we stepped through the doors. We stumbled down the hallway and to his bedroom, knocking things down the whole way there. I pulled away to grab his shirt and pulled it up over his arms. I liked his tattoos a lot. I had a few but the full chest and arms looked good on him. He gripped my neck and pulled me back in to put his lips on mine. We were at the foot of the bed so i pushed him back and he fell on to the bed. I leaned over him and put my mouth to his chest. I trailed down his stomach slowly. His phone started ringing then. He didnt make a move to get it so i went on to unbutton his jeans. I got them down to his knees and then the phone went off again.

“You gon get that?” i said, looking up at him. He was biting his lip which was adorable but id never tell him that.

“Fuck that,” he said, voice hoarse. I chuckled and continued the trail of kisses until i reached my final destination and Ty’s teeth quickly sank back into his lip. I wanted to show him how i felt about him after what he said at the restaurant and i wasn’t the best with words. From the look on his face i was pretty sure this would do.

We were laying in the bed chilling for a while after, catching our breath and everything. Ty’s phone was ringing again so i told him to just get it. I got up and put my boxers on, making my way to the kitchen to get bottles of water. When i came back he was talking to someone.

“They came to yo crib?” He sounded pretty heated. There wa silence for a bit. “You think they actually got anything?”

I handed him the bottle and he took it. I sat down beside him.

“Aight well keep me posted. We’ll discuss it tonight at the club. Aight,” he said, then hung up.

“Cayden?” i guessed. He nodded. “Everything okay?”

“Some shit may be going down. But we handling it,” he said. I nodded understanding. I had been around the game enough to understand and not bother asking too many questions.

“Im sure yall gon handle it,” i said simply.

Cayden

After taking Randi to get all her stuff at the mall we drove back home to just chill because we were tired of going around. She went to the closet to go and try all her stuff on all over again and do whatever other shit. I changed into some shorts and grabbed my headphones.

“Im gonna go workout in the basement,” i said.

“Ok,” she said. “I might be gone when you done. Gotta stop by the shop for a quick minute and sign some stuff for Jada and China.”

“Aight. Let me know if you want me to take you,” grabbed a towel from the hamper.

“K, thanks,”

I turned and left the bedroom. When i got downstairs i did a bit of cardio on the treadmill to get a good sweat going before i did any lifting. My weights were all out of order because Randi ass be using my shit and got no respect to put things back the way she found them.

About 30 minutes into my workout i heard the doorbell going off upstairs.

“I got it!” Randi yelled. I hadnt been sure she was still home. I assumed she’d called somebody over. I continued lifting my weights.

A few minutes later heavy footsteps came down the stairs and Randi was walking, no storming, towards me. Her face wasn’t a happy one. I raised a brow. She pointed at my headphones so took them off. She handed me a piece of paper. 'Detective James Smith, FBI’. My body stiffened and my face went blank. The feds had showed up at my door and talked to Randi. I was livid. I tore the card and gave it back to her.

“Should i be worried?” she asked. I shook my head.

“No,” i said. She glared at me until i got up from the bench. “Im handling it,” i said. She gave me some side eye but i guess she believed me because she didnt blow up.

“Better be,” she said.

“What they want?”

“They just asked questions. Some bullshit about suspicious cars in the neighbourhood. They wanted to come inside.”

“What you say to them?” i asked.

“That i had no idea what they were talking about and you weren’t home,” she said in a 'duh’ tone.

“You lied?” I said, surprised, “to the feds?”

“Yeah,” she said in the same tone.

“You didnt have to lie for me,” i said simply, “i dont want you involved in this.”

“Thats the stupidest thing you’ve ever said,” her voice was full with rage. My brows came together in confusion. I expected she’d swoon over the fact that i was doing everything to protect her. “Of course im gonna lie for your ass,” she threw the pieces of paper in my face. “I love you, you idiot. Don’t you get it?”

I did get it, and i should have known she would do everything to stick by my side and ride for me. I was willing to go down for her and she was ready to do the same. But i couldn’t have that.

“I know,” i said, understanding. “Its all gonna be over in a few days. I just gotta deal with someone and its all not gonna matter anymore.”

“Okay,” she said, mouth in a deep set frown. I grabbed her waist with one hand.

“I love you lil mama,” i said, “thats my focus, it always is,” i assured her. I used my other hand to grip her chin and pull her into a deep kiss. The kind that made her close her eyes and forget where she was. She put her hands on my arms to support herself.

“I love you too,” she said breathlessly. Seems i had avoided this argument.

“You still wanna go out tonight?” i asked. She sighed.

“Yeah, lets go. I wanna be there for Cole, we just fixed things,” she said. I nodded understanding.

Later into the night we were in the car headed to the club for Ty and Cole’s event. I had on some while jeans and a white t shirt with my chain. Randi had on the dress that we had bought earlier that day, and i swear i didnt remember it being that short but maybe it just felt that way now that i could see niggas standing outside the club waiting to get in. I pulled into a parking spot and parked the car. She pulled the mirror down to fix her lip gloss. I watched her put it on.

“I cant see, how is it?” she said, turning to me. I took my thumb and wiped the little bit that was on the side of her lips.

“Good,” i said. She smiled. I opened my door and got out to go around to her side. I opened the door for her and she grabbed my hand to get out. We walked towards the entrance and i looked around. Ty was supposed to pull up any minute and we were gonna talk about what had happened. I saw him talking to the bouncers at the front of the line. He saw us and nodded. The bouncer opened up the rope so we could skip the line.

“Go inside, ill be there in a minute,” i said to Randi.

“Ok,” she said, letting go of my arm. The bouncer opened the door and i watched her go inside. Ty dapped me up and we stepped off to the side.

“So whats the deal. I thought we paid everyone off. Who talked?” He said. I shook my head.

“We did. Its not one of our guys. Apparently they got a witness who saw the deal going down. Thats all they got on the case. We deal with them, they got nothing to go on,” I said, pulling a blunt out from my pocket. I lit it and put it between my lips.

“So you wanna kill them?” He asked. I shook my head no.

“Nah, thats messy. They’d be on us quick, and people would look for that person. They just trying to make a buck, theres a cash reward. We just gotta give them i better deal and i guarantee they gon suddenly forget what they saw,” i said, taking a long drag from the blunt. Ty took it and took a hit.

“If you think thats best,” he said. “I wouldn’t mind offing them.”

“Neither would i, but we gotta be smart about it. Can’t get trigger happy.”

“And thats why you in charge not me,” he chuckled. “You be thinking about shit.” i shrugged.

“Red taught me a thing or 2, before he lost his mind,” i mumbled. He nodded.

“Aight,” he handed me the blunt. “Im going in,” he said.

“Imma finish this, be there in a minute,” i said. He went back to the bouncer who let him in.

I was smoking my blunt for a few minutes just thinking when Ty came back out, jogging towards me.

“Yo,” he said. “Better come get yo girl,” he said. My brows came together. What kind of trouble could Randi of all people have gotten into at a club. I put out my blunt. We opened the doors and went inside the club. It was packed. Ty led the way towards the back and i followed. We made it to the bar where i saw Randi, China and Jada standing close together. They were definitely ready to pop off. They were facing another group of a few girls in what could only be a stare down. The other girl was in some skimpy bra and shorts outfit with curly black hair. She had tattoos all over and stood a good bit over Randi. Honestly looking her over i didn’t like Randi’s odds of winning whatever this was. I wasn’t sure what had happened. On the outskirts of the little brawl i saw Cole. I nodded at him.

“Whats going on?” i asked.

“Some chick came sideways at Randi, threw her drink her at her,” he said. I saw the stain on Randi’s white dress. I wasn’t sure what she was gonna do, she was saying something to the girl. I pushed through the few people around them to get behind the wall her and the girls had formed.

“What’s good Randi?” i said. She looked back at me and i saw rage in her eyes.

“Stay out of this Cayden, i got it” she said, walking forward. I looked around for a minute. The guys looked to me to see if they should intervene. Most of my niggas were here and could easily start something. They all would for Randi too since she was my wife. We couldn’t really post up on a chick though so I just shook my head telling them to leave it.

“So what you gonna do?” I asked, standing close behind her.

“Imma just tell her she got me fucked up,” she said. I nodded hesitantly. I got the idea that there was no convincing her to back down now.

Randi walked up to the girl and she crossed her arms. The music was so loud i couldn’t hear what they were saying to each other but it was pretty obvious they were cursing and all that. The girl stepped up to Randi but she didn’t even flinch despite the fact that the other girl was taller. Something was said and Randi snatched the girl’s hair. That’s when things went downhill. I was too stunned by this side of Randi to even do anything. They fell to the ground and I couldn’t see much other than them rolling all over the place. Randi got on top, sitting on the girl’s chest and the girl swiped at Randi. People had gathered now to watch the scene.

“Fuck!” She screamed, and that’s when we moved foward. I had to push past the little crowd that had formed so it took me a while to get to her. By the time I got there, Randi had a knife in her hand and positioned at the girl’s neck.

“Randi!” I shouted, getting her attention. “Give it to me.”

“The bitch cut me,” she yelled, still holding the knife.

“You got her too,” I said pointing at the slash on her collar, “she got the message, right?” I asked the girl who nodded quickly. Randi paused then handed me the knife. She got up off the girl who scrambled up off the floor and quickly ran away with her friends close behind her. Randi fixed her dress and turned to face me.

“Cayden, we gotta bounce,” Pat said, “before the popo pull up.” I nodded and grabbed Randi’s arm as well as collected her friends, then headed for the exit.

“Yall go home, I’ll take the girls back,” Pat offered outside the club. I nodded and told him thanks then pulled a still angry Randi to the car. I opened the door and pushed her inside.

We were dead silent the whole ride home. I didn’t really know what to say, and she was mad, i guess at me, so she was giving silent treatment. When i pulled up to the driveway and parked the car i turned to look at her. I was pretty livid that she had acted like that honestly. She opened her door and got out so i did the same. We got in the house and upstairs to the room. She sat on the bed, touching her arm that had gotten cut. I felt a little bit of guilt then.

“I shouldn’t have let you fight that chick,” I said, looking at her arm. “Since when do you get into fights anyway?” I asked, my voice raised.

“That dumb bitch started it,” she mumbled, dabbing her shoulder. I went to the bathroom and grabbed some stuff to clean it. I handed her some cotton balls.

“So you really had to jump her?” I asked, still in shock. Really Randi had started the physical part of the fight. Though the girl escalated it with the knife.

“Yeah. Then she shanked me, so i had to finish it. You always getting into fights with people, why can’t i?”

“So you was really gon kill her?” I asked, talking about before I called her off. She shrugged. I sighed, and wrapped her arm with a bandage. I thought about her sitting on that girl and ready to cut her like she was in a movie. I was angry but also kind of amused. I felt my face relaxing a little bit into a smirk. That was some shit i would do. "So you think you a gangster now or what?“

"I been a gangster,” she said, side eyeing me. I chuckled.

“Nah it don’t count until you catch a body, or at least some battle wounds,” I said. She pointed to the arm that I had just bandaged. I laughed.

“That small thing,” I scoffed.

“I would have caught a body if you hadnt interrupted.” She rolled her eyes. I grabbed her chin and looked at her.

“On a serious note. You can’t go around fighting people Randi. You gonna get hurt, she could have had a gun. And you wont be catching any bodies, ever. Thats not the type of shit i need my wife doing. Don’t do dumb shit just because I do it,” I said, looking her in the eyes to show I was dead ass.

“That wasn’t why Cayden. I would have fought her either way. I don’t regret it,” she said. I nodded.

“Well, you handled yourself well. I can’t lie, I’m a little proud of you. Maybe there’s a little street in you after all.” I smiled. She grinned and kissed me.

“How am I gonna explain this to my parents?” She asked suddenly. I grabbed all the stuff we had used.

“That’s your business. That’s what happens when you jump people,” I teased, going to put everything away in the bathroom and clean my hands.

“You’re exaggerating i did not jump her,” she said. When i was back in the room i gave her doubtful eyes.

“Aight miss world star.”

“Whatever. Come help me take my shoes off,” she said, laying back on the bed. I went and grabbed her legs, taking her heels off.

“You want some advil?” i asked. She shook her head.

“Just come lay with me,” she said. I got on the bed and spooned her from behind. I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my hands on her stomach.

“Better?” i asked. She nodded. I kissed her head. I loved my crazy ass wife.

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