#Oh gosh... Seeing it posted I basically wrote an essay!!
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TEASER: Kim Seokjin and the Mean Omega
Pairing: Nerd Alpha Kim Seokjin x Popular Omega Reader
Genre: A/B/O • Enemies to Lovers • (Sorta) College AU • Best Friend's Brother AU (Who is surprised? No one?)
Teaser Word Count: 3.6K
Teaser Warnings: A/B/O sexual dynamics • suggestive content
Rating: Explicit (18+) (Teaser is PG-13)
Summary: In the modern world, alphas are almost unheard of so why even bother learning about them? After all, as a spoiled (but reasonably kind-hearted) omega who is used to getting whatever she wants, you have better things to do. However, when unexpected circumstances throw you in the path of (extremely) nerdy and (probably?) shy Kim Seokjin, you're shocked to discover that he won't be wrapped around your little finger as easily as all the rest. Bringing that infuriating geek to his knees quickly becomes your personal mission in life... But it turns out that Kim Seokjin is not what he appears to be and the mean omega who eats beta boys for breakfast is about to get way more than she bargained for...
Author’s Note: This story would not be here without the love, support and friendship of my incredible support system. You talk with me, you laugh with me, you listen when I’m crying, and you read my chaotic drafts when I am ready to pull my hair out of my head in frustration. I love you all. @ppersonna @xjoonchildx @untaemedqueen @lemonjoonah. ALSO thank you to each and every one of you who encouraged me to post this story. This fic is dedicated to all of you as a token of my love and appreciation. Your support keeps me writing. Never doubt that for a second.
“...due to discriminatory anti-alpha policies in the late nineteenth and early twentieth century, alphas were nearly eliminated from the general population…”
You heaved a weary sigh and rolled your shoulders—stretching the buttons of your high-end Oxford shirt to their limit. The beta sophomore to your right whined audibly and you smirked.
“...despite efforts to restore the genetic balance of designations, alphas currently comprise less than one percent of the population…”
Your back arched slightly as you crossed your legs, letting the absurdly short hem of your skirt ride up even higher. The poor boy you were tormenting shifted miserably in his seat.
How was he supposed to focus on a Human Biology and Designation Studies lecture when the living breathing embodiment of every sweaty undergrad’s fantasies was twisting her fingers in her hair and wrapping her pretty pink tongue around a strawberry lollipop right there in the middle of class?
“...unlike betas and omegas, alphas possess enhanced strength and the ability to compel other designations with their voice. Unmated alphas especially were often baselessly feared and distrusted...”
You knew exactly how you affected boys like him. You were a shameless tease who relished their attention and the power it brought you. Who needed drugs when driving a man mad with desire was a rush more potent than any high?
“...and that’s all for today so please read pages 450-466 in the text over break and remember to turn in your essay on scent and consent in intimacy—”
That poor sophomore looked like he had finally worked up the courage to speak to you, but you were already out the door and tearing down the hall toward your beautiful (and entirely platonic) counterpart, Kim Taehyung.
“Do you think Professor Moore is unaware that class is over at 3:25 or is he just torturing us for science?”
Taehyung shrugged, falling into step beside you with practiced ease.
“I mean I would torture you for free so it’s hard to say.”
The corner of your mouth quirked up at his characteristic dry humor, but the irritation at being held in that sweltering lecture hall for an extra ten minutes had frayed your temper.
“It’s the last class before spring break, I’m sure he was on some sort of twisted power trip.” You dug around in your purse for some chapstick, ignoring Tae’s amused snorting, “Alphas barely exist anymore and none of us are likely to meet one. Why bother learning what they can do?”
Taehyung tilted his head in amusement.
“You might be surprised.”
The final party before the beginning of spring break was always a laid back affair.
Many people had already caught planes to their various destinations, but your flight was scheduled for early tomorrow morning—leaving you with some time to kill.
Taehyung pressed his newest experimental concoction into your hand within minutes of entering the house (a surprisingly neat bachelor pad owned by two seniors, Jung Hoseok and Min Yoongi) and then darted back to the kitchen to craft more questionable alcohol potions like a deranged party warlock.
You had just found a comfortable place on the couch and were contemplating whether sampling your best friend’s mad scientist elixir would be worth the probable damage to your body when—
“H-Hello...”
It was that sophomore from your Designations Studies class. What was his name again? Jungwoo? Jinwook?
“Jungkook,” you smiled, delighted to have remembered before it became awkward. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
You motioned to the empty cushion next to you and the man in question scrambled over like he’d won the lottery.
“I—I know we don’t know each other well, but I noticed you were absent during Professor Moore’s lecture on intimacy and scent consent so I—” he blushed deeply, “I wrote the essay for you—and I brought a copy on my flash drive if-if you want it.”
Your heart melted immediately.
“Oh my gosh Jungkook, that is so sweet of you!”
Your gaze darted over his muscular form and thick brown curls.
Sweet indeed.
“I don’t want to miss out on the learning though,” you pouted, placing a hand on his tattooed bicep. “Can you explain it to me?”
Jungkook nodded vigorously even as his wide eyes fell to where your fingers were sliding slowly over his chest.
Scent consent was a pretty basic and universally known concept, but you really were touched by the handsome sophomore's consideration.
Why not give him (and yourself) a little reward?
“Um so basically if two people are involved in...intimate activities—”
You leaned forward to nip his ear lightly and he whimpered.
“Like this?” you asked innocently.
“Y-Yes. Like that.” He gulped. “In an intimate situation consent or refusal can be smelled. The scent of refusal or reluctance in intimacy is strong, unmistakable, and has a high chemical potency.”
“Is that so?” you drawled, sliding over onto his lap. Jungkook’s eyes rolled back into his head and you bit back a grin.
He was adorable.
“Uh-huh—it—oh my gawd,” (you were nibbling on his ear again) “it can immediately block sexual arousal and performance in the other partner. Meaning, if consent is not present, then it becomes difficult or—ahh” (his voice began to waver under your continued attention) “—or even impossible to continue with intimate acts.”
Your hand slid up to his cheek, bringing him closer till your lips were almost touching.
“Then what does it mean if I’m still so turned on right now?”
“It means,” Jungkook shuddered—nearly delirious with your scent, “that I really really want you.”
Across the room, Park Jimin chuckled as he watched you seduce his enthusiastic friend.
Jeon Jungkook was such a sweet kid.
Hopefully he wouldn’t get too attached.
“Wow... Some people are genuinely born blessed I suppose.”
Jimin turned to see Jung Hoseok eyeing the dimly lit corner where you and the eager young sophomore were exploring each other.
It was a rather...provocative spectacle. Not quite raunchy (you weren’t truly an exhibitionist)—just insanely sexy.
Jimin’s gaze lingered on the smooth curve of your thigh where Jeon Jungkook was currently holding on for dear life.
Lucky bastard.
“Ah you know how she is,” he sighed. “That boy isn’t going to get any farther than anyone else.”
It was relatively common knowledge that you liked to mess around but rarely—if ever— fully hooked up with anyone.
Jimin asked you about it once during a drunken game of truth or dare and you had just shrugged, mumbling something along the lines of avoiding STDs (which—to be fair—was at least part of your motivation), but the truth was a little more complicated than that.
In terms of experience, you weren’t a virgin, but... you hadn’t actually had sex in years.
You loved the chase, the foreplay, the build-up—the game of cat-and-mouse between two people who were attracted to one another.
But the final consummation was always so…
Wildly unfulfilling.
Every encounter left you frustrated. Empty.
Grumpy—even.
So you stopped bothering with it all together. (That was what sex toys were for after all.)
At the end of the day you were perfectly content being labeled a tease—it meant that people tended to know what they were (or rather weren’t) getting into when they rolled the dice with you.
Besides…it hadn’t even put a dent in your throng of admirers.
You were sunny, spoiled, indulgent, almost universally adored—
And you loved every minute of it.
“You know…” Hoseok took a long sip of his drink. “I always thought she would end up with Taehyung, but it’s been three years.”
Like you, Kim Taehyung was a trust fund brat and it was only natural that two beautiful and absurdly privileged people would gravitate to one another. You met at a freshman pledge party and had been an inseparable (and formidable) dynamic duo ever since.
The undisputed king and queen of campus.
Yes—maybe the two of you were a little self-absorbed at times, but it was hardly your fault that people tended to instinctively cater to the force of your combined looks, wealth, and charisma.
And it didn’t hurt that neither of you were ever intentionally cruel or unkind.
Just... habitually thoughtless.
(Though not when it came to each other. If anything your friendship was one area where you were both a little more human.)
Jimin shook his head.
“Nah that’s never gonna happen.” He tapped his nose. “They’re scent-crossed.”
Hoseok’s eyes widened.
“Really?”
Scent-crossed pairs didn’t smell sexually attractive to each other.
Like. At all.
No matter how physically or visually appealing an individual might be, it would be near impossible to form a sexual or romantic attachment to them if you were scent-crossed. Alphas, betas, and omegas were all subject to their noses first and foremost in the realm of attraction.
You and Taehyung smelled like comfort and home to one another...
But you were more turned on by a crisp cup of apple juice than you were his scent and the feeling was quite mutual.
He might as well have been your actual brother.
“That explains so much.” Hoseok snorted as he watched a drunken Taehyung do a flying leap on top of both you and Jungkook.
“Why is sunlight so offensive?” you croaked, dragging yourself and your luggage toward the boarding ramp next to an equally miserable Taehyung.
“The next time I book a flight before 9 AM, please shoot me,” he grunted.
Your parents were celebrating their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary with a month-long European cruise so your best friend had graciously invited you to spend two glorious weeks of spring vacation at his family estate.
The invitation had actually come as somewhat of a surprise because—for all your closeness—Taehyung was uncharacteristically tight-lipped about his family.
Not that he was deliberately withholding information per se… It was just that he never really brought them up beyond an occasional passing comment.
The one time you did ask him about them directly he sighed and said—
“We’re very close, but… I suppose we’ve just gotten used to being very private.”
There was clearly more to the story, but you were confident that Tae would share it if and when he was ready.
“My parents are in Seoul opening a new branch of the company. They took my little sister with them and my older brother has his own house so it will be just us.” He snuggled deeper into the first class seat directly next to yours. “We’ll hang out by the pool and chill during the day, then hit up some of the new clubs or whatever at night.”
“So… No one from your family will be there?”
Perhaps the invitation was not so surprising after all.
“Nope. Just you and me and thirty acres of ocean front property.”
You grinned.
“Perfect.”
“Whose room is that?”
The two of you were lugging your bags down the main hall of Taehyung’s expansive mansion when a strange hint of...something caught you right by the nose.
Your friend turned to find you frozen and staring curiously at a familiar door near the balcony.
His eyes widened, but you were too preoccupied to notice his momentary concern.
“That’s just Jin’s room.”
A firm hand wrapped around your wrist and dragged you away, but your eyes stayed glued to the source of the mysterious scent until you were around the corner and out of sight.
Your suite for the next two weeks was right across the hall from Taehyung’s. There was a whirlpool, a full bath, a balcony, and an ocean view that would rival the cover spread of any travel magazine.
Tae headed for the shower (to ‘wash the airplane off’) immediately after showing you the room and you were thinking of doing the same except…
Your mind kept going back to that door and the hint of scent you detected.
There was something… different about it.
It was faint—and far from fresh (which made sense considering that one of the few things you did know about Kim Seokjin was that he hadn’t lived in this house for years).
But still…
The need to smell it again pressed insistently at the back of your mind.
Suddenly the sound of Taehyung singing raunchy lyrics in the shower carried over through the walls and you found your feet moving almost of their own accord.
What Tae doesn’t know won’t hurt him, you rationalized, making your way down the hall toward Jin’s door. Besides—it’s not as if I’m going to steal anything…
You just needed to find that scent again.
By the time your fingers closed over the knob every one of your nerves was strangely—acutely—alert but nothing could have prepared you for what was waiting behind the door.
Oh. My. Gosh.
“What a colossal nerd.”
The room was covered floor to ceiling in Nintendo memorabilia.
Bright primary colors assaulted your eyes from all directions in the form of action figures, posters, pillows, and every other conceivable merch variety known to man.
In the center of the suite stood a large king-sized bed covered in a custom black couture toile-style Mario-verse bed set (that looked every bit as expensive as it was geeky) and a mountain of high quality Nintendo character plush toys.
Everything was simultaneously luxe and nostalgic—a rare combination of sophisticated aesthetic balance and childlike indulgence.
And the scent was there.
It was faint and covered under layers of cleaner and air fresheners, but still lingering just below the surface—too weak for you to get a really good whiff, yet potent enough to torment you.
You moved forward unconsciously toward the strongest source of the hypnotic smell—the strangely inviting expanse of Kim Seokjin’s mattress.
Suddenly the urge to climb—no crawl—across the bed itself and roll around in it like a kitten in catnip gripped you out of nowhere.
“What the hell?” you muttered, rubbing absently over the mating gland at the base of your neck.
Something very odd was going on with your body.
Your restless gaze zeroed in on one of the stuffed toys piled atop his pillows. It was a cute little mushroom man your brain recognized as a Mario character named ‘Toad’.
Take it.
Your mouth dropped open in shock.
You need it.
“Am I going insane?” you wondered aloud.
You have to take it.
Muscles in your hand began to twitch involuntarily. You bit your lip.
Bring it back with you.
Several minutes later a freshly washed Taehyung wandered over to your room and found you sitting perfectly still on your bed while staring off into space.
His head tilted in curious concern.
“Everything ok?”
You started a bit at the sound of his voice, but recovered quickly.
“Never better!” you chirped—almost too brightly. “Let’s go get some dinner, I’m starving.”
Then you grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hall toward the kitchen—shutting the door before he could catch a glimpse of his brother’s stuffed Toad doll stashed underneath your pillow
“...a critical water main rupture in the city’s New Market district early this morning has forced several residents out of their homes as flood water swelled up to nearly two feet. The governor declared a state of emergency and ordered hotels around the city to accommodate the displaced citizens. Crews are still clearing the water and assessing damages. We expect—
“Hey!” you shouted through a mouthful of cereal, after Your best friend switched off the television, “I was watching that!”
“And what you should be doing is getting ready for the pool.” Tae snatched your cereal bowl and dragged you by your shirt collar toward the stairs. “It is the first morning of our vacation. I’m not trying to waste any time. Now go.” He shoved you forward, smacking your ass for good measure.
You swatted back at him half-heartedly as jogged back up to the room where you enjoyed a surprisingly restful sleep last night.
Kim Seokjin’s door glared at you accusingly as you shuffled past—unable to let you forget that you had kidnapped it’s little mushroom man in an unexplained fit of kleptomania, but that was a problem for your future self.
The you of right now was going to zen out in the Kim family's premium glass-enclosed indoor pool (it was still a little chilly for the outdoor pool) with her best friend and bask in the simple joys of good company and no responsibility.
...Or not.
A few minutes later you bounced into the living room wearing a simple black tankini with a cute floral cover only to find Taehyung on the phone with his head in his hands.
“Yes, sir. I understand… I...I know this is my responsibility...”
That didn’t sound good.
After a few more tense moments, Tae hung up and collapsed backward into the couch with a heavy sigh.
“That water main break you heard about on TV this morning was the last straw between the province and its current contractor. They called an emergency meeting for new bids.”
Your heart dropped as you sank down beside him.
“Your dad wants you to go...doesn’t he.”
Taehyung nodded miserably.
“He can’t leave the Seoul opening on such short notice and managing government construction contracts is part of what I’ve been training for. This could be huge for our company.”
“Well...why doesn’t your brother go?���
“Jin is the brains behind most of our patented gaming and tech innovations. He wouldn’t even know where to begin with this sort of thing. Besides,” his lips quirked up in a rueful grin, “my brother doesn’t have the patience to stroke entitled geriatric egos for hours on end—which is likely what I’m going to have to do.”
The two of you headed back to Taehyung’s room where you helped him pack some suits and toiletries for his trip.
Naturally you were disappointed but...this was a great opportunity for your best friend to prove himself in his chosen field and you both knew it. In fact, he was already starting to brighten a bit.
“The meeting is about a hundred miles north of here. My dad’s secretary already handled the flight and hotel room.” His eyes darted around the suite to see if he was forgetting anything.
It was clear he was nervous, though you were sure he didn’t need to be. Kim Taehyung was a trust fund brat, but he was also talented and deeply passionate about his family’s company.
Someday this would be the norm. The two of you were stealing time in college, determined to live a little before the expectations of your powerful families transferred fully onto your shoulders.
It was becoming more and more clear, however, that your carefree time was slowly running out.
Mother had already spoken to you about potential marriage alliances and your father expected you to intern with his Vice President this summer just as your elder sister had...
Taehyung’s voice suddenly interrupted your bittersweet introspection and you couldn’t help but smile at how grown-up he looked in his suit and briefcase ensemble.
Everything was going to change, but not quite yet.
“They estimate negotiations should take around a week or so…” He walked over and pulled you into a tight hug. “There should still be some vacation left for us when I get back.”
“Hurry back then,” you mumbled grumpily into his chest and he chuckled.
“I will.”
Taehyung had been gone for less than twenty minutes when you decided that the best use of your time would be to eat more snacks.
The last thing you expected when you skipped merrily into the kitchen was to find it occupied by a shaggy-haired homeless man in glasses.
Your first instinct was to scream which caused the homeless man to drop the apple he was biting right onto the floor where it rolled around for a small eternity before coming to rest at his ankles.
Your second instinct was to grab a butcher’s cleaver from the nearby knife block and wave it chaotically at the intruder while shouting something along the lines of—
“You’ve made a huge mistake! My boyfriend is the biggest, meanest mafia boss in Seoul! Leave now and he might let you live!”
The homeless man continued to stare at you with a mixture of confusion and shock, but made no move to run away in terror like you were hoping.
So you tried again.
“Didn’t you hear what I said?! The last man who touched me drinks his steak through a straw now! Do the smart thing and leave before my boyfriend comes down those stairs and it’s too late!”
Infuriatingly, the homeless man was still not fleeing for his life and frankly you were starting to get frustrated. You drew in a deep cleansing breath and were prepared to issue another grandiose threat when he finally spoke.
“I’m sorry, miss. I... think there’s been some sort of mistake. Who is your boyfriend?”
There was no rational explanation for what came out of your mouth next, but it rolled off your tongue so smoothly and you didn’t even flinch.
“Kim Seokjin.”
For the first time in your entire exchange, the intruder looked truly alarmed.
Now that’s more like it.
“You’ve heard of him I see. He’s a dangerous man and my body belongs to him.” You slammed the cleaver down onto the countertop with a (hopefully) menacing slash. “Kim Seokjin doesn’t like when other men put their hands on what belongs to him.”
There was a long, unpardonably tense moment of silence…Then the stranger slowly reached forward and picked up a mobile phone from the table in front of him.
His eyes remained locked with yours as he pressed a quick series of buttons, brought the phone to his ear, waited a few seconds and said—
“Taehyung… Would you mind telling me why there is a half-naked, knife-wielding omega in our kitchen claiming to be my girlfriend?”
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You guys were all so wonderful, and encouraging, and excited that I literally got this teaser out in three days! If you like what you read so far, please let me know! I cannot put into words how meaningful and valuable feedback is to me. I truly treasure it! It fuels my creativity and keeps me writing. I would love to hear from you!
#kim seokjin#kim seokjin smut#bts#bts smut#kim seokjiin a/b/o#bts a/b/o#a/b/o#kim seokjin imagine#btswritingcafe#kim seokjin oneshot#ksmutclub#kim seokjin scenario#bts jin#networkbangtan#jin#kwritersworldnet#bangtanarmynet#armysource#bangtanidx#heartsforbts#magicshopnet#ficswithluv#alpha jin#alpha kim seokjin#omega reader
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there are quite a few essay questions, but it's also just hard to figure out which ones to apply to!! and yeah, he's the facilitator for the baking and cooking club i run! i do all the work essentially, he's just there to make sure no one gets hurt and to tell me good job skjdfdhfsjkdf
i make my own recipes!! so i use my own for cookies <3 i can send you the link privately if you want (anyone with the link can edit because of the permissions i have to give my club members on drive, and i don't want a ton of people to have access to it!)
i might make gingerbread, i'm not sure if i have molasses right now actually. i like amelie's macarons, and i think mine are pretty comparable (though theirs definitely look better)!
that weekend sounds great! i'm glad you're relaxing and taking care of yourself. halloween was good, i just gave out candy, like i have for the past few years! there were a few older teenagers (probably 15 ish) who were excited we didn't turn them away, since i think a few houses had considered them too old, so it felt nice to make their night!
i have also just been keeping tabs on wattpad as a whole, and trying to tell any authors i find who have been "reposted with credit" or their work stolen, since i know most of us have a no repost rule, because no one is going to go support the original if they have to go to a different app for it??
it's insane that they stole, i feel like it's drilled in your head not to do that from as soon as you're old enough to know what plagiarism is, but there's not much we can do about it :( i just hope no one steals from me again (and if they do, i hope they take shorter works. my longer (5k+) fics take so much time and energy, and i'd be heartbroken if one was stolen and did better than it does on here)
aaaa I see, I hope you don’t overwork yourself with all the apps ): best of luck with the scholarships, lovebug !!! 💕 omg you run the baking and cooking club, that’s so cool !!!!! :O I remember making ice cream at the one at my hs :’)
OMG NO WAY YOU CREATE EVERYTHING FROM SCRATCH ??? did you have to do a lot of trial runs to get the perfect recipe for each sweet? pls audition for masterchef omg 🤩🤩 and oh my gosh yes I would love to get the links !! Definitely do not need to edit anything - I would love to just view all your recipes and try them out 💘💘
ooo omg pls send pictures if you do make gingerbread, honey bee !! Will you be making anything for thanksgiving? 🧡 I’ve never tried amelie’s macarons before :o I’ll be on the lookout for them! 💓
and thank you 🥺💗 I basically slept all day yesterday, so that was super nice :’) gotta get as much sleep as I can this week before going to LA this weekend 🤧 omg that’s so nice !!! wait I can’t believe houses would turn them down ?? my friends and I still trick or treated around my neighborhood until we graduated high school LMAO
Thank you for doing that 💛 Ugh I hate how it’s so hard to trace plagiarists on wattpad, like none of us have the time to cross check every single writing platform for our fics and scout out potential plagiarism /:
And ikr ???? I thought everyone learns about plagiarism in school at a very young age already, and I can sorta understand if someone just copies and pastes and posts on wattpad and says this was taken from so-and-so, but for that person to blatantly say that they wrote it and will sue for copyright….. they had to know that what they were doing is wrong /: omg yeah, my 30k fic has been stolen three times now, and it offended me way more than when my shorter fics were stolen 🤧
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for the character thing; cody, obi wan, and ur oc pova (is that how you spell it?)
YEAHYEAHYEAH (also that is how you spell it) I see we’re doing the whole family and I LOVE it.
I was in the middle of answering this and then I went to find my favorite episodes and Tumblr ate whatever I was working on sooooo I start over.
Cody
Why I like them: Sass. Fandom’s interpretation as Ultimate Big Brother (behind Alpha-17, of course). Mysterious scar. And he’s pretty.
Why I don’t: Honestly? The fact that the clones are slave soldiers, and the fact that fandom tends to give racially biased interpretations of the clones (I’m guilty of this too). Nothing to do with Cody himself, honestly, which isn’t to say he’s perfect or anything, I find him to be rough around the edges but who wouldn’t be in his shoes?
Favorite episode: s1e16 The Hidden Enemy. This one is probably on my top 5 list even without Cody. But guys. GUYS. “Hey there, Slick. Gun’s empty.” WHAT COULD BE MORE ICONIC?
Favorite film: Okay technically these questions were “episode/scene if a movie” and “season/movie” but because he’s in both I’m gonna have to go with a film for this one. Revenge of the Sith. Listen, I can’t watch ROTS without crying but damn if I don’t love Cody in it anyway. The lightsaber scene will ALWAYS get me. (Season 1 gets an honorable mention.)
Favorite line: Uh. Well. Okay so. “Hey there, Slick. Gun’s empty.” *holds up mag* LISTEN GUYS I LOVE THAT ONE. Although he also gets points for “I’m putting you in charge of this one.” I don’t know if season 1 just has a lot of iconic Cody lines, or if it’s because I’ve been watching that season in Spanish lately.
Favorite outfit: ... his armor? No actually though, I love his Phase II armor. Phase I is cool but Phase II has the cool ventilators. And how can I not make fun of his antenna?
OTP: Codywan. Ideally in a post-war fix-it or semi-fix-it where there isn’t a huge power imbalance, but I’ve been known to read Codywan stuff that takes place during the war, especially before I was as cognizant of the power imbalance as I am now.
BroTP: Cody and Rex. I’m sure y’all saw that one coming. I mean it’s CODY and REX, I’m pretty sure that’s everyone’s BroTP!
Headcanon: So this might be a good time to mention that I headcanon everyone everywhere as autistic. Everyone is autistic. Cody is autistic. Okay actually though, I headcanon that Cody has a great deal of anxiety. He handles it well, and he has a support system, but given his entire life, and the fact that he’s a Marshal Commander, and further more the headcanon we collectively have that Obi-Wan insists on promoting Cody to get out of paperwork because Cody deserves it, he’s probably anxious. And man, same.
Unpopular opinion: Do I have one? Tbh I don’t know how to determine whether an opinion about a character is unpopular. How do we define unpopular? Do we mean just like, not commonly known or shared? Because if so, I once again raise for your consideration: everyone is autistic, therefore Cody is autistic.
A wish: For Disney to retcon Order 66. Barring that, for the Bad Batch show to give him a happy ending involving the removal of his chip and the opportunity to live happily ever after with Obi-Wan on Tatooine. (Is the Bad Batch show going to be live-action like Kenobi? Because PLEASE give me Temuera Morrison playing Cody in both.)
An oh-gosh-please-don’t-ever-happen: Don’t laugh. Order 66. Listen I KNOW it’s canon but that doesn’t mean I have to like it!
5 words to best describe them: Salty. Snarky. Protective. Competent. Thoughtful.
My nickname for them: honestly, just Codes or Kote. Not much to get out of Cody, really.
Obi-Wan:
Why I like them: HE’S PRETTY. And sassy. There’s a pattern here.
Why I don’t: I don’t think there’s ever a time in canon that he acknowledges all the issues with the clones’ existence. He does in fanon, which I can appreciate, but canonically he’s like, “ah yes, we bought 3.2 million humans. We’ll just stick them in this war I guess.” Also frankly he’s a bit oblivious, bordering on daft, especially considering he’s the Negotiator, I mean he KEPT HIS LAST NAME when he went into hiding. I still love him though.
Favorite scene: That deleted “good girl, Boga” scene, which just hits different when you’ve read Master & Apprentice and know how much he loves varactyls. I don’t care that it’s deleted. It’s my favorite. (Plus you’ll probably like this better than my favorite episode, which is the Kadavo episode.)
Favorite film: Attack of the Clones. Listen listen listen, he has a lot of good moments in TCW, but hands down it’s AOTC.
Favorite line: Eheheheheheh. Eheheheheheheh. Eheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh. “Hello there!”
Favorite outfit: Was gonna make a comment about Jedi robes but then I remembered his stolen Mandalorian armor in The Lawless and *swoons* that’s one pretty outfit.
OTP: ... also Codywan. Again, ideally in an AU with less of a power imbalance, I mean it doesn’t matter how much he promotes Cody, canonically he’s still a Jedi and Cody is still a slave and I just don’t love that but I live for Codywan. Domestic Codywan? *chef’s kiss*
BroTP: probably Obi-Wan and Anakin. Maybe Obi and Padmé? Idk I have Thoughts about Anakin, he’s a problem child, but not much can top the agony in “You were my brother, Anakin! I loved you!” (I like whump, okay?) Also just. Can you imagine the Negotiator just being buds with Senator Amidala? Helping each other with domestic disputes and speeches? Working on a Clone Rights Bill? Yeah. Can it be a broT3? What if we just don’t have Anakin and Padmé dating? It’s such an unhealthy relationship. That’s it, broT3 is Anakin, Padmé, and Obi-Wan.
Headcanon: ACE!OBI ACE!OBI ACE!OBI!!!!!! Also,,, autistic!Obi. I know I know, but actually genuinely @fromryloth-tocorellia has some pretty good autistic!Obi-Wan stuff, including Obi-Wan being semi-verbal, low-verbal, and non-verbal. Autistic characters is a hill I will die on, and Obi-Wan is a character I happen to enjoy projecting on (oops). Plus, if I headcanon Cody and Obi-Wan as autistic, then the entire Ibonek family is autistic, and I love that.
Unpopular opinion: The only reason Obi-Wan “left Anakin to die” was because there was nothing he could safely do to help. When I was taking first aid classes, one of the first things they told us was that, unless there is no danger to yourself, you do not help. You wait for actual first responders to show up. If Obi-Wan had tried to help Anakin, either Anakin would have killed him or Obi-Wan would also have been severely burned. And if he had stayed, he may have been caught by Palpatine. Is it sad that he left? Absolutely. Heartbreaking. I don’t think it was a GOOD decision. But he didn’t just leave him to die; there was no other safe option. There were no good decisions here. I have a lot of thoughts about this, I have half-written essays on Discord about it, feel free to ask further questions.
A wish: For Qui-Gon’s dying words to be retconned. I know I wrote that post about how his dying words were full of trust in Obi-Wan and I stand by that, but that doesn’t mean Obi-Wan realized that, or that they were a good choice.
An oh-gosh-please-don’t-ever-happen: For the Kenobi show to be sad. It’s not allowed. Obi-Wan can have one fight, and that’s it, he is happy as a clam on Tatooine because he DESERVES GOODNESS DAMNIT.
5 words to best describe them: Kind. Soft. Warm. Compassionate. Daft.
My nickname for them: Obi
Pova:
What I like about them: They’re my OC and I can do whatever I want with them!
What I don’t: They’re my OC and I’m in charge of them.
(Okay actually though:)
What I like about them: Nonverbal. Pink. Perpetually grumpy.
What I don’t: perpetually grumpy. Seriously how did that happen? Why did I do that? Why is the only time they AREN’T grumpy around Rex or when shopping with Obi-Wan?
Favorite scene: The adoption scene in “Observations on the Nature of Cody Ibonek”.
Favorite work: Probably “Observations”. It’s the first one that’s entirely from Pova’s point of view.
Favorite line: “He was making fun of my stimming. I was already having a bad day. I punched him. It’s whatever.” POVA NO. (Pova yes.)
Favorite outfit: Uh. Haven’t given it much thought yet? Haven’t done many character designs, although fromryloth-tocorellia did one for me and it’s my icon at @ver-writes-things if you want to check that out? Also my Halloween costume is gonna be a super basic cosplay of them and I’ll probably post that.
OTP: None. First of all, the oldest I’ve written them so far is 14. Second, I don’t have any other characters their age yet. Maybe the six kids from the Gathering episode survived? But even then I probably wouldn’t ship it. And I mean, not every character needs a romantic ship.
BroTP: Either Pova and Rex or Pova and Luke. Rex is like big brother/cool uncle, and Luke is like little brother. As of right now, though, definitely Rex, as I haven’t written much of anything with Luke.
Headcanon: I don’t have any because all my headcanons about this character are CANON! Man I love having OCs.
Unpopular opinion: to quote Paige Layle on TikTok: “Stop using the term low functioning autistics when you really mean that they’re just nonverbal. And nonverbal autistics still have a lot to say, they just have a hard time talking.” Basically, I’m certain that as this AU gains traction, Pova’s gonna start getting flak from readers for being nonverbal. It hasn’t happened yet, and maybe I’m just being pessimistic, but just in case someone needs the reminder: No. Stop now. Pova’s autistic. And nonverbal. And not a savant (man I fucking hate that trope). But they are a capable Jedi and, with Cody and Obi, developed a very functional sign language comprised of Jedi hand signals, trade sign language (like from episode 5 of the Mandalorian, that the Tuskens use?), and ARC signals. There will be NO functioning labels on this AU, and Pova has and will continue to have PLENTY to say. If you have a problem you know where the door is.
A wish: For everyone to love my kiddo as much as I do!
An oh-gosh-please-don’t-ever-happen: Listen Pova is gonna have a good and happy life. There is trauma and there is bullying and there is heartache but they are going to live a good life with two AMAZING dads. So there is no “don’t ever happen” because it won’t.
5 words to best describe them: Sneaky. Quiet. Excitable. Compassionate. Snarky.
My nickname for them: Kiddo or my kiddo.
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Psycho-philosophy & the angels, fallen or not (part I)
I swear I wasn’t taking any mind-altering substances while I wrote this. It’s very heavy and I’m not sure anyone will enjoy it, but I felt like I had to get it out.
And now it’s too long to be just one part. Here is the first part anyway.
It’s established that Aziraphale and Crowley symbolize the “opposing” sides of human nature, but I have a pretty difficult time with believing that they actually represent “good” and “evil.” THEY believe they represent “good” and “evil.” But even before the two of them develop their humanity by spending time on Earth, before they start to affect each other, they both have philosophies that are far more complicated than just “do good things/be helpful” or “do bad things/be hurtful.”
Before you can be “good,” you need a definition of “good.” And the same goes for “evil.” And I absolutely do not think that the characters’ personal definitions of “good” and “evil” match with the narrative’s definitions of “good” and “evil” (which I’m not strictly sure it really has). So...what might they represent more closely?
In extremely broad terms based more in dictionary definitions than in the finer points of academic philosophy, I’d cast Crowley as the individualist and Aziraphale as the collectivist. Individualism is the prioritizing of the individual’s interests over a group’s interests. Collectivism is the prioritizing of a group’s interests over the individual’s interests.
Obviously, this is heavily informed by abuse from their Sides. Hell motivates its demons to behave by making them fear for their own souls using physical intimidation. Temptations are also usually focused on taking advantage of some selfish motivation in humans. Heaven, meanwhile, motivates its angels with the promise of the Greater Good, intimidates its angels with the belief that disobedience is out of line with the Greater Good, and shames its angels for acting with any sort of personal interest.
“What?!” you say. You’re going to cast Crowley, the guy who initially hatched the plan to try to save the world at great personal risk, as the self-centered individualist, and Aziraphale, the hedonist who’s just about ready to watch the world burn at Heaven’s command until Crowley buys him lunch, as the collectivist one?!
Well...in a way. Because while the characters believe they represent these ideas, and while they genuinely buy into them on some level, the whole point is that the two viewpoints taken to extremes end up looking awfully similar. They also rely on each other, no matter how much they try not to.
I should clarify a few things before arguing any more.
The perceived “selflessness” of collectivism is sometimes idealized, and that’s why it maps onto the supposed “goodness” of Heaven, but it doesn’t actually mean kindness, compassion, or goodness. It means not considering oneself - including one’s own identity, preferences, or moral conscience. Likewise, the perceived “selfishness” of individualism is often vilified and gets cast as evil, which is why it maps onto Hell, but all it really means is placing one’s own perspective at the utmost importance, which can be beneficial depending on who’s doing it.
I’ve seen some incredibly smart commentary on the Good Omens book being a just-barely-post-Cold War novel comparing, among other things, Capitalism (heavy on individualism) and Communism (heavy on collectivism). I thought the analysis I read was brilliant, it told me a lot that I had not thought of before, and I would love to read more. But that’s not what I want to talk about here.
In this essay, I’m really sticking to the terms “individualism” and “collectivism” as they inform the psychologies of individual people (Crowley and Aziraphale). I’m trying to have a discussion that I think is important, because it’s important for humans to have a healthy notion of how individuals fit into their relationships and communities, but my commentary is much more vague and not tied to a specific moment in history. I’m frankly not very qualified to talk about the Cold War, anyway.
Crowley and Aziraphale are a couple of paradoxes. At least, they’re paradoxes until they discover Earth as their true allegiance, at which time they just become two balanced angels of neither Heaven nor Hell.
CROWLEY’S PHILOSOPHY
Crowley knows he’s supposed to represent Hell and the kind of self-interested desperation that drives people to damnation - a kind of extreme individualism. But he’s been condensed into an Earthly being who’s formed relationships and preferences and loves and, gosh, although he wouldn’t admit it, a conscience. Unlike Aziraphale, he’s much more OK with this sense of identity, because individualism is not incompatible with being, well, an individual. But he does struggle with the fact that he’s supposed to be working toward The End Of All Things for his own self-preservation when his real wish is for The Continuation Of All Things.
Most of Crowley’s decisions are framed from his own personal opinions. He approaches the world as he sees fit, which includes accepting his job of damning souls because he has to or he’ll get destroyed. He does what he needs to survive, so you could say he “answers to the higher power of Hell for self-interested reasons,” but for moral purposes, Crowley does not answer to anyone. Interestingly, though, he DOES have a conscience based in his own feelings.
By personality (not because he serves some moral power but because it’s just his personal preference), Crowley does not like certain kinds of cruelty. He’s willing to do his job, but he doesn’t enjoy taking free will away from people, for example. And in most cases, outright violence (like Hastur turning into a pile of worms and eating the telemarketers alive) is not something Crowley is into, either. In this case, the fact that he’s self-motivated means he has enough imagination to grasp what it’s like to be another person, and while he’s willing to upset people/give people the opportunity to damn themselves/generally be inconsiderate in public, Crowley simply does not enjoy the experience of destroying others without giving them a choice.
Oh, and we can’t forget: “You’re supposed to test them, but not to destruction.” It’s Crowley’s personal feelings that lead him to believe Armageddon shouldn’t happen, and Crowley’s personal feelings that lead him to act out against Hell.
With all that said, Crowley feels a profound love for the world and Aziraphale (whether he’ll admit it or not) because he really enjoys it on Earth, and he wants to keep enjoying it. Therefore, all of his “individualism” ends up working in the favor of the “greater good” anyway. In the end, Crowley temporarily loses hope and stops fighting, but by this point, he’s already had his positive effect.
It’s kind of like Terry Pratchett’s powerful quotation about witches being selfish. “All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany's Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours!” Maybe it’s not so intentional on Crowley’s part, but the outcome of his love for Earth and his bond with Aziraphale ends up serving the interests of others.
Crowley’s journey involves a less drastic change than Aziraphale’s. Once he thinks it’s possible to fight for the world and survive, he doesn’t have a single qualm about it, because he answers to his own standards, not anyone else’s.
AZIRAPHALE’S PHILOSOPHY
Aziraphale, on the other hand, has to basically figure out that it’s a good thing to use his own judgment instead of Heaven’s. In doing so, he has to rewrite his belief system and even rework his identity.
Aziraphale knows he’s supposed to represent the collective, Heaven, the Greater Good. But he’s been condensed into an Earthly being who’s formed relationships and preferences and loves and a conscience and an identity of his own. At first, this feels wrong to him, because many of his personal interests go against Heaven’s. It’s why he’s so incredibly good at repressing and denying; he has this sense of Self but doesn’t believe he’s entitled to it and doesn’t realize there is any way to separate from Heaven, so as far as he knows, to allow this Self to grow and flourish would ultimately be extremely painful and potentially dangerous. You can tell the other angels aren’t happy with his sense of self, either, as far as he allows it to go (see: any interaction in the bookshop, Gabriel’s behavior over the sushi).
Aziraphale is so oriented toward the Heavenly collective that he literally denies himself his own judgments, his own opinions. He’s convinced that Heaven is the Greater Good, so he accepts that as reality no matter how absurdly wrong their actions might seem to someone with an iota of common sense. He has not been allowed to have an opinion on it, and he will not form one now. He does intensely enjoy performing altruism and does not approve of Heaven’s plans to drown all of Mesopotamia and turn Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt, but he will even push aside the satisfaction of kindness and the fear of cruelty if he’s told that his feelings don’t fit within the Great Plan.
It’s important to note that as far as Aziraphale believes, the existence of Hell and the work that Crowley is doing for Hell is in fact part of the Great Plan. He says as much to the Archangels when they bully him outside his bookshop.
Aziraphale is enthusiastic and adoring about life on Earth and about humans - and about Crowley! And oh, he does indulge. But he sees this all in a rather passive way, at least at first. He is simply enjoying the world and allowing the Great Plan to unfold. He does not think he has the right or ability to defend the world from Heaven’s judgment, even though he wants to. So, like Crowley’s self-orientation coming full circle to serve the interests of others, Aziraphale’s orientation toward the collective comes full circle to become very self-serving.
THE TWO TOGETHER
Enter Crowley’s judgment. Crowley is really fantastic company, but I think the specific thing he did in the long run was to help Aziraphale see that his own desires and judgments matter. Even when Aziraphale temporarily disavowed their relationship, Crowley’s influence was strong - would the Aziraphale who was standing on the Wall of Eden, or the Aziraphale who witnessed the Great Flood, have chased Gabriel around asking if the war was necessary, or would he have called the Metatron to argue everyone could be saved? Even when Aziraphale doesn’t actually ask questions, these interactions are an assertion of Aziraphale’s own feelings and judgments when he’s being told to be quiet and fall in line. And I really do not think he would have made these assertions before his long Arrangement with Crowley. In this way, Crowley gave Aziraphale the world and the gift of Being Himself.
As for Crowley, he doesn’t care about any Great Plan and thinks Heaven’s will is positively odious, but Aziraphale is convinced that the cosmic dance between the two of them is just ineffable. By playing along with that notion, Crowley allows it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The meaning of Crowley’s existence goes from “just make everyone as miserable as possible” to “balance out Aziraphale” which really means “create a world that doesn’t suck as much as Heaven or Hell, which are both insufferable.” In this way, Aziraphale gave Crowley the world and the gift of Being Part of Something.
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Awww that's so nice! I'm glad you had a good time :) I'm studying biotech. And I studied in Sweden for my exchange. It was such an amazing city and everyone was so nice~~ And it was the first time I experienced so little sunlight XDI feel you though haha. I'm kinda of in this weird limbo where I want a job just so I don't have to keep studying, but I also don't want that kind of responsibility. But good luck with your applications! What are you studying? Oh and I'm from the U.S-- hi, neighbor!
I did see his long teaser! God it’s so aesthetic. I’m kinda busy right now so I haven’t been as involved in his comeback as I was with the group comeback but I would’ve giffed every second of it if I could lol. And every song seems like a jam! Sentimental definitely has a really nice beat. I also like Stay, but I can also see myself adding attraction to my bubbly Infinite playlist.
I also hope it’s a nice promotion! I hope short promotions aren’t a new woollim thing (even tho it’s been that way for a while). I know they probably just rushed Tell Me since they’ve kept us waiting. But Woohyun told fans to prepare to be blessed so maybe all these promotions now will mean something big for the second half of the year? Lol at least I hope. And I got into Infinite from watching running man! My roommate studied abroad in Korea and showed me the show when she came back
It was the Summer Idol Competition one. I thought just the combo of cool L and hamster Gyu was hilarious. And I heard destiny in the background so I looked into it and got hooked on the group. I ended up liking Woohyun a lot because of his voice. And as I got to know him I realized what a marshmellow he is. I used to think he talked too much at first cuz I wanted to learn about Gyu and Myung, but he grew on me haha. Who was your original bias group??
LOL I’m sorry for sending so many in. But I like seeing your long answers. Worry not, I’m also really awkward. Ahhh I feel like I haven’t been to Asia much in general. My family is from Taiwan. So I want to go around everywhere and Singapore is definitely high on my list haha. The food looks amazing
There def were a lot of plot holes and a lot of “but….why” moments but I somehow still really liked it lol. I recently realized I like things comic book/super hero style things? Haha it’s weird, I didn’t expect to like that sort of thing. I’ll add those dramas to my list for when I have a break and need to watch something. I try not to commit to dramas during the school year since I usually end up binging them all night.
Hehe…I feel bad asking more questions after all that, but what are your favorite concepts/songs?
You’re a fellow science student! What’s biotech exactly? And what do you hope to do when you graduate? My mother actually told me to look into biotech, but my Genetics prof made it sound like it was all about DNA coding and such, which I wasn’t interested in.
I studied Health Science in undergrad… Not what I expected as it was all about policy and not really science based. I’m applying to med schools! But my chances are slim… I didn’t do so well in my last year >_
Where in the States are you from? I’m from Ontario… Near Toronto. I guess I’m kinda used to sunlight deprivation, but it’s definitely not as drastic as it would have been in Sweden! Were you in Stockholm? Did you only stay for one semester? And did you have the chance to travel around Europe?
Have you been to Taiwan? Do you have family in the States or are they largely still in Taiwan? Also, I’m wondering, do you have any siblings?
Isn’t being asked where you’re from such a weird question? I moved from Singapore when I was 7, so I hardly know anything about the culture, but I still consider myself Singaporean. Plus, most people generally mean ethnically when they ask that question, and for me that’s India, but I don’t consider myself Indian at all… I tend to give very convoluted answers that try to fit all 3 countries in ^^;
Have you seen the MV/listened to the album yet? I really love Nell, so when I heard Kim Jong Wan was helping to produce the entire album I was super excited (plus it’s cute since Sunggyu’s such a big fan of his). I really liked Attraction and True Love, but I think my favourite off the album is City of Angels.
I totally get what you mean about being too busy to be really involved in the comebacks… But for me it’s more I’m too lazy/tired than busy. I keep thinking I’ll gif/edit, but never do. It’s quite terrible. How long have you been making gifs for?
Was Infinite the first KPop group you listened to? Are they the first you were really a fan of? Destiny was such an epic song and I totally get how it hooked you. It was such a fierce song. I can’t remember Sunggyu and Myungsoo in that episode of Running Man… I remember more the Winter Olympics one (unless I’m remember wrong and we’re talking about the same episode). I love Running Man, but I preferred it more in the beginning episodes because I loved the nametag chase and they rarely do that anymore. If you haven’t already, you should watch the first ~100 episodes (with Song Joong Ki), they’re seriously hilarious.
My first bias group was MBLAQ… It’s so sad they disbanded. Again, I loved them because they were such dorks and their variety shows were hilarious as well. If you want to watch something for laughs, watch MBLAQ Goes To School… It’s too funny. Have you seen all of Infinite’s variety shows? I haven’t seen their last couple, but Sesame Player will always be my favourite. If you’ve seen Sesame Player, what was your favourite part? Mine were the pranks.
If a drama is really good the urge to binge is so strong! That’s why I like watching currently airing dramas, I’m forced to wait ^^ If you like light hearted dramas, I think you’ll like Suspicious Partner. The main couple is adorable like in SWDBS (also, I’m totally biased toward Ji Chang Wook… Hence the icon…).
Your last question… Is that specifically in regards to Infinite? That’s kind of tough… I actually kind of got out of touch with KPop while I was in university, well with music in general, so I actually haven’t heard many of Infinite’s new songs. But I really love Tell Me… Sunggyu’s voice and Dongwoo and the dance and the outfits… Gosh, all of it slayed me. So I guess that’s you’re answer? What about you, what is your favourite concept/song or Infinite’s?
On another note… What genre of English music do you like? I love Alt Rock/Grunge and I tend to stay away from R&B/Hip Hop.
(Also… Don’t feel bad about sending so many messages! I love reading them and as you can see, I’m a rambly person so the more I have to respond to, the less I feel like I’m being irrelevant ^^)
#I had to write out my response twice... I accidently went to my next page in messages and thus my first answer was deleted... My luck#Inspirit Buddy#Oh gosh... Seeing it posted I basically wrote an essay!!#Reply#Anonymous
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first lines :: a writing game
rules : list the first lines of your last 20 stories ( if you have less than 20, just list them all! ) see if there are any patterns. choose your favorite opening line. then tag 10 of your favorite authors!!
--- i’m going to be ranking mine x / 10, with comments, just for the heck of it.
1. with friends like these ( 2100, gen, phantoms friendship )
“Dude,” says Reggie, after the third — or maybe fourth — time it happens. “You... doin’ okay?”
verdict : starting off with a line of dialogue is always an effective way to throw the audience right into the story, without a lot of build - up exposition. and i... get carried away with the exposition sometimes. this was my first ever JATP fic, so i was just trying to get a feel for the characters voices --- starting off with dialogue felt like a good place to begin! 7 / 10, vague but it works, and i can hear reggie’s voice clearly!
2. even if we hit the ground ( 3200, pre-canon, shameless reggie whump )
It all explodes in an instant, so fast that no one gets the chance to react.
verdict : this line punches!! it’s supposed to punch, it’s supposed to feel like the audience just got caught up in an explosion, because reggie literally does! ( this is the story in which i establish the precedent of Hurting Reggie in my fics, just because he’s there. ) 9 / 10, super effective line
3. if i didn’t know better ( 3500, grief fic, julie centric )
Doctor Turner always said the special days would be the hardest.
verdict : it’s... okay. i mean, it accomplishes what it needs to, but it’s nothing special. this story holds a very dear place in my heart, and might be my favorite --- i wrote it to help cope with my sister’s very recent death, and frankly, it was just what i needed at the time. i love the story as a whole more than this opening line. 5 / 10
4. 21st century (dead) teen rebellion ( 2100, willex, ghoul bois antics )
If Alex knew exactly how he gets talked into half the things he does, he’d know how to avoid them, and his life would be so much easier.
verdict : bahahaha, it’s sad because it’s true!! i love this story, and this line --- while a bit cluttered --- makes me giggle. 7 / 10
5. how to be a heartbreaker ( 7500, luke character study, light jukebox )
Luke learns the danger of a crying woman early.
verdict : this story was a constant surprise. i didn’t expect it to get as long as it did ; i never expected it to take off the way it did, oh my gosh ; and there are parts of it i really like, and parts i’m more ‘meh’ about. this opening line is good, it absolutely works in the scope of the story... i just feel i could have done it better somehow. but... it leads into a whole segment with baby luke, so no regrets. 5 / 10
6. nothing quite like living on the edge ( 6200, missing scene after ‘nothing to lose’ ; the boys trapped at caleb’s club )
By the time Caleb’s song reaches its grand finale, self-control is trickling back to them… slowly, slowly, like the reverberation of the final notes.
verdict : heehee... like the entirety of ‘nothing to lose’, this line is delightfully unnerving. caleb’s weird not-quite-mind-control was a topic i just had to explore in greater detail, so i really took it and ran with it. this isn’t exactly a whump fic, but none of the boys are having a good time... and i get to explore a much darker tone, which works really well with my writing style. overall, one of my favorite stories, and an excellent line. 9 / 10
7. every empty space ( 2900, emily patterson study, growing up luke )
Raising Luke was never easy, even for a moment… but in the beginning, it was a dream come true.
verdict : the first half of this line was the main thesis for the entire story... and i love how it sets up emily’s entire pov, and her arc over the course of 17 years, in a really effective way. ilove writing emily because i relate to her --- i also look at luke and think “my beautiful, stupid son” daily. fun story, great opener. 8 / 10
8. revelations (3200, gen, boys coming back to life, ray finds out )
The night of the Orpheum performance is definitely the start of something… and things never go back to normal after that.
verdict : this is a very sexy leading line! it’s informative, it’s ominous, and sets up a fun story / series. i can get behind this!! 8 / 10
9. sugar, how'd you get so fly? ( 3000, gen, alex learns to fly, help him )
Her mom used to call it the “Mama Spidey Sense”; a very loud, very accurate superpower that only parents have, to let them know when something is Going Down.
verdict : ... meh. i like the idea, it’s a very rose vibe, but. i don’t love it. doesn’t have a lot to do with the rest of the story. i think i just honestly didn’t know how to kick things off. 3 / 10
10. know that it's probably magic ( 4600, gen, soul bonding w/ spirits )
It takes a while for the boys to figure out all the weirdness that comes with being a ghost — and for Julie, on her end, to sort out living with a haunted band.
verdict : opening lines work best when they’re short and pithy. this... feels a bit cluttered, not going to lie. while it definitely sets up the rest of the story, i feel like there was a more concise way to do it, if i just dug around a bit more. i love this story as a whole more than this actual line. ( also, ‘haunted band’?? does that even make sense?? girl... ) 4 / 10
11. still alive but i’m bearly breathing ( 4100, possessed teddy bear )
Honestly, if she hadn’t been zoning out on her history essay long enough for her eyes to wander, Julie might’ve never noticed anything was wrong at all.
verdict : uhhhh.... i don’t know how to talk about this one, actually. midterm season is one hell of a drug. ( another theme in my stories? really putting alex through it. not in a whumpy way, just in a ‘fml’ way. ) fine opening line, 6 / 10
12. regenesis ( 28000, multichapter, reggie whump / backstory )
Carlos is the first one to bring it up.
verdict : this story!! i love this story so much!! while this opening line is the definition of ‘meh’, the story itself is such a favorite, and was so much fun to write. i’d rank the story itself 10/10... this line, though, will have to get 4 / 10
13. paint a picture of it ( 1800, gen, julie + reggie become art buddies )
“These are amazing! You’re really playing with color composition here, I like how you blend it all together.”
verdict : can you tell i’m bullshitting my way through art terminology? oof. i started off this story with an entire conversation, through literally just dialogue ; i don’t love it, but it works well enough. 5 / 10
14. interwoven ( 2500, emily adopts sunset curve via knitting )
They break her heart sometimes, just a bit — her eager boy and his habit of bringing home strays.
verdict : luke and emily patterson, out here once again, breaking my heart. this was a more sympathetic view on emily, yes --- i didn’t want to excuse her canon behavior, and she still has flaws in this story... but she also cares, and tries to be a good mom, in her own way. she loves luke, and she loves his friends too. this line sets that up wonderfully. 9 / 10
15. if i was you (i'd wanna be me too) ( 11000, multichapter, carrie redemption arc-ish?? ; exploring carrie / julie relationship )
Because her dad always has impeccable timing, he picks the night Julie plays at the Orpheum to completely lose his mind.
verdict : oooh, i love this line. poor trevor, but also... this line slaps. it’s just the right amount of carrie-pov bitchiness. while this story is still very much a work in progress, but i love how it’s coming along so far ; it already has so many moments i love ( ‘this band is home’!! ) and writing carrie is an exercise in characters i’m not used to writing. excellent line, 8 / 10
16. kill your heroes (and then kill them again) ( 9500, vampire reggie )
Reggie gets bitten on a Monday. On Tuesday, he goes to band practice.
verdict : EXCELLENT opening line!! it’s short, it’s pithy, it gets right to the point, and you’re sure not going to forget it. i love this line. i love this story. this really set up the story and i’m super happy with it. 10 / 10
17. feast or famine ( 7200, demon goose fic )
In their absolute defense, the boys do not, as they’re later accused of, murder a goose.
verdict : ... listen. this is the best opening line i’ve ever written. it literally doesn’t get better than this, you can’t top this one. the pinnacle has been reached. i will literally never write a line, or a story, more engaging than this one. 200 / 10
18. fall out boy knockoff ( work in progress ; 5 times luke falls while climbing things he really shouldn’t be climbing )
The first thing Luke says when he sets foot in the garage for the first time is, “Whoa! You’re kidding me, you got a loft!”
verdict : starting off with action --- another great way to toss readers right into the story!! this is a fun line that really encapsulates luke’s sheer... chaos gremlin energy. this entire fic radiates chaos gremlin energy, and i can’t wait to post it. 7 / 10
19. i can’t even hear them scream ( work in progress ; all the women in julie’s maternal line have the ability to see ghosts, the boys ain’t special )
Julie is eight months old when she sees her first ghost.
verdict : straightforward! to-the-point!! tosses you right into the plot!! not the most engaging... but i like it, especially as this section of the fic is being told from rose’s point of view, so it comes from a perspective we wouldn’t otherwise get. 6 / 10
20. remembering ( work in progress ; part of the ‘side effects of coming back from the dead’ series, basically an excuse to write sleepy bois )
Even after the spell is broken and Caleb’s stamps are gone, Julie can’t bear to leave the boys alone; the idea that they will vanish when out of her sight, flickering out of existence like candles dying in the rain, is too real, and too awful to endure.
verdict : this... might work better broken up into two sentences. i’m probably gonna do that. technically it works better as two lines, but as an opening sentiment, i love this?? the entire fic has a... very slow, soft, thoughtful vibe, and i like how this line establishes that with a metaphor. excited for this one!! 8 / 10
tagged by : the absolute superstar that is @sunsetcurvecuddles
tagging : uhhhhh i don’t know a lot of writers in the fandom i don’t socialize hEL P
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Ben Harvey, An Architect Who Puts His Life On The Line
The most popular video game to come from Slovenia is Line Rider. The object of Line Rider is to design a track for a boy on a sled to ride. In doing this, players becomes architects. Released in 2006, there are thousands of Line Rider tracks and the longest ever is titled This Will Destroy You, 50 minutes long with 2.7 million views. Ben Harvey, its maker, is a man whose sense of sight is influenced by what he hears and he therefore is able to translate musical tracks into Line Rider tracks. To watch two minutes of the video is to see a series of satisfying, sight-to-sound synchronizations. To watch twenty minutes is to narrow your attention in such a way that the boy’s experience become your own and to watch the full thing it to live the definition of the word ‘journey.’
A: Is this Ben?
B: This is Ben. You’re two hours early.
A: Am I really?
B: That’s okay though.
A: Are you sure?
B: Its 1. But that’s okay though.
A: You’re cool to jump into this early?
B: We can jump into it now.
A: Cool. My name is Austin. Nice to meet you.
B: Nice to meet you. My name is Ben.
A: Hi, Ben. I have a blog called The Internet, Interviewed. It’s where I interview people who do cool things and you are one of them.
B: That sounds very broad.
A: Oh, it’s the most broad thing. Have you been interviewed before?
B: I have been interviewed a couple of times. I don’t think any of them are going to take the format that you’re doing here.
A: As in, on the phone?
B: On the phone and *pause* most of the people who have interviewed me before were in the scene of Line Rider. You’re more on the outside, if that makes sense.
A: I just like the videos.
B: *laughs*
A: I’ve seen your essays and very little of them makes sense to me.
B: *laughs*
A: This will take about 60 minutes. I have a bunch of questions. Some are funny, some nostalgic, some serious. Answer however you like. I know you’re a thoughtful, articulate guy so if you digress or tell a story, that’s fine with me. This is an interview and you’re the subject.
B: Great.
A: My first question: how did you find Line Rider and how old are you?
B: I would have been, let me do the math, I would have been 14 and I was making computer games with Game Maker [software] and trying to find where I can put them on the Internet. I found Line Flyer which was a rip off and made something in it and sent it to one of my friends and he was, like, “That’s not the real Line Rider.” He sent me a link to LineRider.com. Then I was off to the races.
A: When did you become more serious?
B: It depends on what you mean by serious. I started working seriously on a large project a year after I discovered it. A year to two years. I don’t remember. It’s been a long time since like 2008. I was 15 at the time. The Line Rider Community was something I found early and got heavily involved in. I wrote a bunch of reviews for Line Rider tracks. I didn’t start treating it as an art medium until about 2015. I went to a liberal arts college and ended up creating my own major call Electronic Artistic Design. For my last year of college, I had not been thinking about Line Rider because I was focusing on my school work. When I came back, I had a slow, rolling epiphany about how Line Rider could be treated like an art medium and how a lot of the things that I studied, I could apply to Line Rider. I’m not sure I answered your question. What was it again?
A: That was on the nose. I wanted to know when you started to look at it seriously.
B: I started putting a lot of time and effort into Line Rider in 2008 and I started looking at it as a medium for art creation in 2015–2016.
A: It amazes me that at 14 you were interested in writing reviews.
B: *laughs*
A: The game must have struck you.
B: I’m trying to think …back 12 years ago now. Getting closer to 13. I just found myself wanting to watch all of the tracks and then I realized that a lot of people were spending a lot of time on these tracks and then they would get comments like, “Cool,” “8 out of 10,” [boring voice] and I wanted to give some real feedback.
A: That’s a noble response for a young person to have.
B: Another part of it was…I was also a little bit of an outsider in school and I found a community of peers in other people who were interested in Line Rider. A big part of it was that, finding a community of people who were interested in the things that I was. Also if you’re hearing purrs it’s because my cat has decided to sit on my chest.
A: If the cat says anything, I’ll make sure to include it.
B: *laughs* Excellent.
A: Can you remember the first track that wowed you?
B: There were lots that I really liked. The first that really impressed me was a track called Discarded by TechDawg. I saw it when it came out and it was sort of the first example of a Line Rider track that someone had made where they were using scenery lines to add texture and detail to the ground so it looked like this cool, rocky landscape. It was like he was painting a picture. Instead of, “Here is a rock shape,” it was, “Here is a rock-shaped drawing and a whole bunch of cracks and crags.” He would shade the rock. That was the first one that really impressed me.
A: Did you write a review about it?
B: I did. It’s not worth much but, yeah, I did. *laughs*
A: When someone sees your work for the first time, what do you hope they think?
B: My hope is that they’re not thinking about how I made it. My hope is that they’re letting the visuals wash over them and having an emotional response — whether that’s reflective or joyful or harrowing or trippy or whatever.
A: How big is your body of work?
B: It depends on what you include. Do you include the things that I've produced or directed? Within the things I’ve made, there are shitposts I made in an hour.
A: *laughs*
B: Those take as much time to watch as something that I worked two hundred hours on. There’s maybe 10 to 20 projects that I’ve poured a lot of time into and there are 10 to 20 projects that I remain proud of today and those overlap and there are tracks that fall into one or the other only. There are a couple dozen projects that I've directed or produced or facilitated in some way, even if I only made a small fraction or even none of the actual track. There is the writing I’ve done about Line Rider which ranges from crappy reviews I wrote when I was 14 to video essays about the nature Line Rider that I’ve done more recently. There is the Line Rider Archival Project which I can’t forget. It started ad hoc a long time ago but in the last few years I’ve formalized my attempt to archive as much of Line Rider on the internet that I can so it doesn’t get lost. On top of that, there are dozens of projects that were experimental or low effort or just memes or shitposts. I’ve had a lot of conversations with all sorts of people who are making Line Rider tracks and while that’s not really part of a body of work, it’s had a lot of impact on my work.
A: If you took the courses you made and the ones you produced and directed and played one after the next, how long would that be?
B: It would take a few hours depending on what you include.
A: More than six?
B: Six would be on the high end. Oh gosh. *laughs* There was an 18 hour marathon in which I watched a lot of Line Rider track and gave live commentary on them, so if you exclude all of that and focus on the raw footage of Line Rider then it would probably be like three hours?
A: Like an unabridged order of Lord of the Rings with all the extra scenes.
B: Something like that. If you add all the video, it would be a few days.
A: When having a conversation with someone, do you sometimes drift off and create Line Rider tracks in your head? Or when putting away dishes? Sometimes does Line Rider just happen?
B: It usually happens when I’m listening to music. Music is the spark. That wasn’t always the case. The first few years…excuse me if my voice sounds weird. I’m getting over a cold…. I was imagining these two dimensional spaces with three dimensional objects in them that the sledder was moving through. I thought about the projects I was making and how I wanted to make them look. Nowadays, I find myself daydreaming about Line Rider when I’m listening to music. I think, “Oh. I know how I would visualize this piece.” Most of them will never come to fruition because I lack the tools to create them without immense amounts of work.
A: Music predates the course? You have music that attracts you and then you create a course according to it?
B: As of the last, ten years that’s true. The first maybe three years it was not about the music but in the last decade it’s been about the music. Music creates the course. I hear a piece of music and I go, “Oh. I know what I can do with this.”
A: Are you a big music fan?
B: I am a big music fan. I’m super into post-rock. Which is how This Will Destroy You got created but lots of other types of music too.
A: When you have a Line Rider session and you’re going and everything is clicking, you’re inventing things spontaneously and they’re working out, what does that feel like?
B: I have two answers for that. One is, if you have heard of the concept of flow — it’s an artistic creation mode where you’re totally focused on what you’re making and everything else fades away. And another thing relates to my autism. I am autistic and so I have this thing where I hyper-focus. That means basically the same thing. But it’s something that I can control and sometimes I can’t. Sometimes I wind up hyper-focusing on things before I know it’s happening. Other times I want to hyper-focus when I want to make something but it’s difficult. But it’s a great feeling. Sometimes I make Line Rider tracks for eight hours in one sitting and other times it’s a struggle to work on it for an hour. It varies. What was that the question? I’m not sure if I answered it.
A: You absolutely illuminated it. I’ve never made a Line Rider so it’s interesting to know what it feels like to do so.
B: I can speak to that. Making a Line Rider track is a lot more like making pointillism then it is making a watercolor. *laughs*
A: How so?
B: It’s tedious and slow going. Generally, the lines are drawn one at a time and erased one at a time. They’ll get drawn and may be adjusted and erased if they’re not working. That’s been changing recently. There are new tools with copy and paste features. There are fill tools. There are all sorts of things that are new and changing that workflow. But, historically, lines are drawn one at a time, very slowly, one after the other.
A: Jeez.
B: Another thing is, you’re making a track and especially if it’s the track that’s focused less on the visuals and more on the the movement, you can’t go back and change part of the movement early on in the track because that would affect everything after it so you have to make every second of track in order one, after the other, and that can be a challenge.
A: You can’t skip around if you’re stuck on something. You have to go straight through.
B: *water drinking noises* Exactly.
A: Do you use a mouse or a drawing pad?
B: Sorry. I need to have a little more water. This cold as persistent. *water noises* I use the mouse for the entirety of the time I’ve made Line Rider tracks, so far. It’s a standard mouse. More recently sometimes I use a trackpad on my MacBook Pro. Going forward though, something I’ve been debating getting for a year now is a one of those touchscreen displays that hooks up to your computer.
A: Can you write your signature really well with a mouse?
B: *laugh* No. Not at all. You know those things where you have to sign your name on an iPad? I’m horrible.
A: Then how are you able to make courses that looks so great?
B: By drawing them one line at a time. I use the straight line tool. With the tool, you click and draw and release and that makes one line. I do that thousands of times.
A: When you plan to work on a project for the day, do you have a schedule? Do you work a certain amount of hours? Or do you throw yourself at it and get done whatever?
B: It can be a struggle to find time to work on Line Rider tracks because historically they’ve been more of a hobby than a profession. In the last year that I’ve been getting commissions, if I have a deadline that’s coming up, it’s easy for me to sit down and start working. I’m in the state of, “Ahh. I have to get this done.” If I don’t have a deadline, sometimes it’s just a matter of getting everything else in my life cleared off my plate so I’m like, “Alright. What’s left to do is the track.” Then I can sit down and not think about if there’s anything else I should be doing instead. That helps me focus.
A: What is there to be said about flying at high speeds to the sound of music? Do you have any insight into what that feeling is?
B: Yes. I’ve known for most of my life that I have synesthesia from music into visuals. Sometimes those are colors, sometimes shapes, and sometimes a movement and that can be more of an auditory-to-kinesthetic synesthesia. I get an actual sense of movement often times when I’m listening to music. It’s like the music is moving or I’m moving because of the music. Often times the most intense feelings are feelings of flying. I translate that into Line Rider. Maybe that’s what people are picking up on. I take for a lot of people it’s something that they don’t necessarily feel vividly but if you’re watching something where there is a figure flying through the air and it lines up with the music really perfectly it’s sort of this thing where people don’t get it at first and then they realize it’s lining up with the music and I feel, “Oh. I see it’s lining up with the music.” Some people react with “Oh. That’s it? That’s boring.” Other people start feeling it. It’s like they can feel the music physically. Which is really fun. It’s a thing I’ve noticed only some people experience. I thought all people experienced it until This Will Destroy You went viral and I got comments from some people who are like, “All it is is movement music synced up to music.”
A: *laughs*
B: And I’m like, “So fascinating!” There are people who don’t feel anything from that inherently.
A: Another thing I noticed was that I was watching one of your tracks and I started to do my grocery list in my head but I didn’t realize I had done it until afterwards. I realized I was thinking clearly. It put me in a zone where my mind was flexible.
B: That is interesting. Sometimes when I watch Line Rider synced to music it feels like a cleanse. It might be a vicarious experience of, like, the feeling of going on a rollercoaster, a little bit. I feel more free afterward. I’ve also noticed people experiencing that themselves. It’s good to know the feeling is widespread.
A: If Line Rider had not existed, would you have invented it?
B: I don’t think I would have invented Line Rider. I don’t know what I would have spent my free time on in 2007, 2008, and 2009 but I know I would still be doing some kind of auditory, music, or sound visualization. I was drawn to that in college and one of the big final projects I did was, I visualized a piece of music with these lights and colors in After Effects. I’d still be doing stuff like that, it just wouldn’t be with Line Rider.
A: For those of us who are not a part of the Line Rider community, can you summarize it?
B: Oh, boy.
A: What is it?
B: The simplest definition would be: a bunch of people, maybe a few dozen people, that hangout with each other on the internet and get really into discussing and creating extremely intricate Line Rider tracks. If you went into the Line Rider community, the average person would be totally confused about what people are talking about because, at least nowadays, which means in the last few years, they’ve been very very focused on the intricacies of the original physics engine and how it can be manipulated to get the sledder to do bizarre erratic movement. Sometimes these things are used to create things that can be impactful to the average person. But if you just walked into the Line Rider community and poked around you would think, “What are they talking about?” *laugh*
A: Can you rattle off a bunch of terms that I have no idea the definition of?
B: Some early ones are gravity wells. Then there ares flings of gravity wells. Then there are variation on flings. So flings can pull different parts of Bosh. Do you want me to come up with the most complex stuff I can?
A: Spit ‘em out.
B: You can make an inverted hand and tail ASDF which stands for an Alternating Single Direction Fling. We could do a Dual Alt Flanual. That would be fun.
A: *laugh*
B: You can have an all blue ten point cannon. Those are interesting.
A: *laugh*
B: Let’s see. Then you have an inverted cranual lock. How’s that?
A: I love those.
B: These are actual terms.
A: When did you make your Patreon? When did you wonder, “How can I make a living, if any?”
B: The shift turned when I was thinking about it as an art medium. Where I was like, “Oh. What if instead of playing this like an open-ended game, why don’t we try to make things that are going to appeal to people who might not even know what Line Rider is?” So, thinking about it as art that’s going to resonate with a general audience and then thinking about how I was going to do that corresponded with thinking about, well, maybe I could make this into a little hobby or a side hustle. It took off very suddenly, much faster than I expected.
A: Yes. How do you feel about your success so far?
B: I have a lot of feelings about success so far. It’s weird to have — sorry, kitty.
A: The cat jumped?
B: I got up to get water and then I was pacing around the room and I tripped over the cat.
A: Son of a gun.
B: Let’s see. How do I feel about my success so far? It’s complicated. I’m a bit estranged from the Line Rider community as of the last couple years. Three years or so. Prior, I was the administrator of the main Line Rider community and I had been running everything in the community so it’s complicated because when I retired from my administrative duties was when I went back to making more Line Rider tracks myself. When This Will Destroy You went viral, it created buzz around Line Rider and funneled people into the community that I had become estranged from. It was this awkward situation where I was reviving this community that I was no longer really as in as I used to be. I have mixed feelings around that. Those feelings standard in contrast to the feelings I have about the comments I’ve gotten on This Will Destroy You. It’s far and away the most wholesome Line Rider YouTube comment section I’ve ever seen. I’ve had people talk about all sorts of mental health issues and how the video has helped them. I’ve had people write basically a story of someone’s entire life to go along with the Line Rider track. I’ve had people being open about how it made them cry. It’s been wonderful to see how much of an impact that has had on people. It’s been great to be able to have an actual audience outside of the Line Rider community, a general audience of people who are interested in the stuff I’m making. So a lot of mixed feelings, but very positive. Is that the question that you are asking?
A: Yeah.
B: Cool.
A: You might have caught on by now that I’m asking broad questions that have no right answers. Feel comfortable as you are. These are some things you might be thinking about and putting into words for the first time ever so you’re doing great.
B: Yes, great.
A: How do you feel about your success on Patreon?
B: The Patreon started out small. And then it grew. It grew suddenly after This Will Destroy You went viral and it slowly but steadily has been growing since. I was surprised by the ratio of how many people were leaving glowing comments and how many people were sending me a dollar on Patreon. It seems like .01% percent of views and then .1% of positive comments got transferred to giving me money even though it’s just a small amount of money every time I release something. I was surprised that that didn’t translate. I think the thing is that on YouTube, people who make a lot of money on Patreon are talking to the camera a lot and so they’ll be talking and talking and talking and at the end they’ll be like, “You should pledge to my patreon.” And that brings people’s attention to it. People aren’t used to having to go look for it. They’re used to be told about it. I think it would be weird if my head popped up at the end of the Line Rider track and I was like, “Hey. Thanks for watching. Check out my patreon.” And they’re like, “Who are you?” I think that’s a big reason why it hasn’t been as successful as I would have hoped it would be with having a track going viral. It is at a point where it is starting to feel like real money and that is exciting. [$144 has been pledged to Ben by patrons per release.] Unfortunately, for a variety of reasons I haven’t been able to make something that I can release on Patreon. I took a break from Line Rider and then I had commissions and then I flew to Slovenia…anyways...
A: That’s a good segue.
B: Oh?
A: You gave a lecture in Slovenia about the history of Line Rider.
B: I did! I’m good friends with the current developer of the build of Line Rider that is on LineRider.com right now, David Lu. The original creator of Line Rider, Boštjan Čadež, (pronounced like Bastian Cah-dez) lives in Slovenia and was looking for people to curate Line Rider videos that would be included in an exhibit. He reached out to the community, got in touch with David, David sent him over to me, and I pulled together a list like, “Here’s a smattering of Line Rider tracks from across various styles and years, and a wide variety in content.” That’s how I got involved in the art exhibition. Then the curator of the art gallery reached out to me and invited me to come to the exhibit in Slovenia and said, if I can get myself there, they would provide me with lodging and give me a tour of the gallery. I managed to find a cheap plane ticket that fit with my schedule. After that was nailed down, he asked me, “Since you’re coming here, do you want to give a lecture?” He said I could choose the topic. I decided to use the opportunity to put together a lecture about the history. It got thrown together quickly though. I had about two weeks notice to know I was flying to Slovenia and giving a lecture. Given that small amount of time, it turned out well. It was good to get something about the 12 year history of Line Rider out into the world. A lot happened in 12 years and most of it was underground, obscure.
A: How did it feel to put it together? Was it easy to recall?
B: I had already done a fair amount of writing on all of the different aspects. I had already done the Line Rider archival project. I had lived a lot of the history. But I'd also done research into the various development builds. These were on the old internet forum that I used to administrate. I compiled lists of prominent Line Rider track releases, lists of different Line Rider builds and the features that they added and the people that developed them. It wasn't so much that I had to sit down and find out all this stuff. I had generally knew it. I just had to put together, “Did this happen first? Or did this happen after that?” And then package the important things to a general audience.
A: What was this exhibit for? What was the nature of it?
B: The exhibit was about Line Rider. The exhibit was titled Line Rider. The original creator of Line Rider put it together, an exhibit where there were different builds of Line Rider that people could play. There was a room with tracks projected on the walls playing on loop. There was a documentary that was created about the creator of Line Rider and and the history of how it was bought by the company InXile Entertainment. There was there was also a new virtual reality Line Rider that the original creator developed for the exhibit. There are some other things like the Game Developer Conference trophy and fun Line-Rider-themed sleds.
A: What was the cause of this exhibit?
B: The curator of the art gallery, Jani Pirnat, and Boštjan were on an artist retreat. Jani found out that Boštjan was the creator of Line Rider. Jani was like, “Oh, that's so cool.” Bosh was like, “I have a lot of negative memories about Line Rider because it got bought out by this company that was going to make a game and I was going to get a share and the game didn't do well financially so I never got any money. I don't have the rights anymore. They basically abandoned it. There are a lot of bad memories.” Jani was persistent and said, "No, no, we should look into getting the rights back. You should do this exhibit."
A: How did the creator feel about the exhibit when it finally happened?
B: He was really happy. He was also happy with the VR Line Rider that he developed, the videos on the documentary. I think he's really excited about continuing development of the VR Line Rider. I also think it's helped him work through the negative stuff that he had surrounding Line Rider. He's been active in the community since the exhibit. That's good to see.
A: What is the documentary called?
B: The documentary is called Line Rider: A Documentary. It's unreleased. In the exhibit, there was an excerpt of it shown. I might be involved in the full documentary release, which should be.... I don't know. I don't know what's going on with it right now.
A: That would be amazing.
B: I'm excited for it.
A: *pause* Who is the little boy on the sled?
B: *laughs* In the earliest builds, the sledder is referred to only as the sledder. He was given a name and personality and story in Line Rider 2 Unbound though if you watch The History of Line Rider lecture you know that Line Rider 2 Unbound has a question of… is it canon? It is officially Line Rider material but the community uses the old physics engine from before Line Rider 2 and up until recently used a modified version of the last version Boštjan developed. In Line Rider 2 Unbound, this sledder is named Bosh, after the creator. I like to think of the sledder as a universal stand-in for the viewer. I try not to focus on who is the sledder. There are people who do that in the community and it can be really fun. My favorite example is... Dangerous Cargo has a thing where, a story-focused Space Operetta, of the sledder on this little journey. But I like to think of him just as a stand-in. I want you to empathize with this sledder.
A: How many times have you dressed up as the sledder for Halloween?
B: Oh. I have never dressed up as the sledder. The most dressed up I've ever got is wearing my Line Rider t-shirt which is now signed. I actually have, through a series of events, ended up with a whole bunch of Line Rider t-shirts that I've been sending off to people who want them over the last few years. At one point, I had 16 t-shirts. But, no I've never dressed up as this letter. I don't have Bosh cosplay materials. I know the creator has dressed up as Bosh for the art gallery and some publicity material. It has him in the Line Rider hat and scarf. He also dressed up to get the Game Developers Conference award in California in 2007.
A: What are some of the funny or strange or memorable comments you’ve received on YouTube?
B: There are so many. When I scroll through my web portfolio there's a whole bunch of comments that I've just saved on there. Probably because then people can see all the nice things people have said about the track but mostly because I like to save them so I can look through them later. One that stands out to me most because it got me to reflect a lot on the impact This Will Destroy You has on the demographic that's most likely to be watching a Line Rider video is, “Is it okay to cry?” That was the whole comment. *laughs*
A: Did you not expect anyone to cry?
B: I did not. It had been years since I'd had a video that had gotten more than a few hundred views so I thought maybe a thousand people would see the video. Within a week from posting it, it went viral on Reddit, got a hundred thousand and that was more than almost any other Line Rider track I had ever made. I was over the moon at that. A couple months later, Mountain King was released by Doodle Chaos and that generated a ridiculous amount of traffic for Line Rider. My video was the one that was often recommended next by YouTube. That put it up to a million views in a very short amount of time. 100,000 was wild to begin with. *laughs*
A: How did that feel? That must have been amazing.
B: It was amazing. It was also unexpected. I found myself being overwhelmed with the comment section. It wasn't just people saying, “This is great. Nice job.” It was people reflecting on their lives. *laughs* That was really impactful. I was not expecting it to resonate that hard. I think part of the reason might have been that when making it I was in a reflective and somewhat depressed state of mind for the year and a half. I think it ended up coming through and people resonated with that.
A: It took you a year and a half to make?
B: It did. It sounds more impressive than it is. It took me about 250 hours, a little more. If you are working full time on a project, that's about two months. For me, it took 18 months. If I do the math, it averages to half an hour a day. There were days where I worked eight hours and there were months that went by when I didn't touch it at all. It varied a lot. The reason I got it done is because I kept coming back to it and being like, “Do I want to finish this? Yes I want to finish this."
A: Were people in the community expecting it or was it a secret?
B: Before This Will Destroy You was released, anything over 3 minutes was considered very long for a Line Rider track. Part of the reason I was able to make This Will Destroy You as long as it was was because of the newer builds that allowed you to scrub ahead in the timeline. They didn't used to be any timeline scrubbing so it was obnoxious to watch two minutes of track just so you can pause it and work work on the next bit. The new tools made it possible but also... I just forgot what the question was.
A: Whether it was a secret or if people knew it was coming.
B: Right. People knew I was working on a track and it was really really long. In the community, I updated people like, “I've made 5 minutes,” “I've made 10 minutes,” “I've made 15,” “I've made 20, 30.” I released a little trailer once I reached 35 minutes. But the Line Rider Community was very small. They were maybe 20 people who knew it was coming and were excited or at least curious. Most people were probably just like, “Why is this Line Rider track so long?”
A: Would you ever make another feature-length course?
B: Yes. But not soon. I have some ideas four things I would like to make eventually that are similarly long but I want to focus on some more experimental things that are shorter. I want to work on ideas I have before I tackle another long project. I could keep making projects like This Will Destroy You that are similar in structure and style but I feel like it wouldn't be as good if I tried to copy the formula.
A: Going back a bit, you said that you went to school and created your own major. For anyone else who is artistic, how would you say school has helped you?
B: The big thing was resources. I had access to software. And also physical things like lighting. I had the space where I could go to, a building and go to a room in that building and sit down and be like, “Okay. This is my space where I’m art making.” It's a little more difficult to get into that when it's my apartment. I sit at the same place to do my taxes as I do my art. It's a little more difficult to do that so it's nice to have studio spaces. Another big part of it was having deadlines. Like, “You have to make this project and it needs to be done by this day or else bad things will happen.” *laughs* That was helpful. It was also helpful to be around lots of other people that we're doing things that were somewhat similar. Someone to bounce off ideas. I could show people what I was making. All of those things are big parts of it. I also appreciated being able to take classes on the philosophy of art. I appreciated being able to work in collaboration with people. There are a lot of things. Amusingly, the classes we're probably one of the things lower down on the list.*laughs*
A: What will you be doing in five years?
B: Oh boy. Well, my day job is in technical theater. I imagine I'll still be doing that in five years. Even if Line Rider became a full-blown career and I didn't need to do it anymore, there are still things I would want to do in that.
A: What did you say the job was?
B: Technical theater. Lighting and sound and video for theatrical productions. I will still be doing Line Rider. I don't know what it'll look like in 5 years. There are things in flux right now in terms of the features being developed. I have no idea. That's all I can say. I don't want to plan too far into the future. I don't want to plan too much of my life. I want to see how things go.
A: Ben that was my last question for you.
B: Oh. That's not a question. *laughs* Alright, wonderful.
A: Thank you very much. That was awesome.
B: You are a wonderful interviewer.
A: Thank you. I'll type this up, transcribe it, make it look nice, and I'll send you a link shortly. Hopefully, within two weeks.
B: Sounds wonderful. Thank you so much.
A: Thank you.
B: Great talking to you.
A: Same. Talk soon.
There was Ben Harvey, in the midst of his life, the line he is riding. Lines tend to be everywhere. Lines are in plays, lines are in supermarkets. You have a line of work where you line your pockets. Some things are divided by a fine line, others by a dotted line. Occasionally, we draw lines in the sand. It’s difficult to keep track of them if someone’s blurred the lines. It can be fun to get out of line, feel the sensation of crossing the line, and of beating someone to the punchline. By the end of our life, we have lines on our face. And when we are online, it’s good if we can fill our empathy meter to the top line. This allows us to join the timeline of art history where many millions of people have stood in line in order to see further down the lines. When we see the end of the line, we have arrived at a point. That’s the whole point. To be pointed in a direction, ride the storyline to that point, and feel something poignant. Line Rider epitomizes this and shows us that even if you forget your lines, you’ll never forget how those lines made you feel. That’s the bottom line.
Interview conducted on 5/26/19
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Ep 2: Dear Diary Zine Fest Organizers
[0:17]
Maira: Alright, this is the second episode of Long Arm Stapler, a podcast about zines, and I’m Maira. And today, I am joined [laughs] this feels weird, I am joined by the organizers for Dear Diary Fest, which is coming up, and I’m going to let them introduce themselves.
Alex: I’m Alex.
Enola: Hi, I’m Enola.
Holly: I’m Holly.
Vanessa: I’m Vanessa.
Maira: Cool, um, I have a couple questions for y’all, and the biggest one is, how did you… how did this fest come about? Because this is the first year.
[1:02 indistinguishable]: Do you want to answer that?
Enola: Oh my gosh-
[all laugh]
Enola: Um, well, oooh I feel so nervous being the first one to talk.
Holly: Do you want me to tell your story?
Enola: No, it’s our story.
[all laugh]
Holly: Sorry, the story.
Enola: Well, I don’t know, I was just like, feeling kind of bummed out about zine fests currently and um, also maybe a little bit petty, and I sent a text, a mass text on my flip phone to like five people-
[all laugh]
Enola: And um, one of them was Vanessa who wrote me back, and the text included, “Should we just start our own fest?” And one of the people who wrote me back was Vanessa and she was like, “Yeah, I would do that with you.”
Vanessa: Yeah.
Enola: And then I told Holly and Holly told Alex
Alex: Yay!
Maira: Tight.
[all laugh]
Maira: Um, can anyone tell me, er, everyone… about Dear Diary Fest?
Vanessa: Well, Dear Diary Zine Fest is um, kind of exclusively perzines, because every time I go to a zine fest, there’s like ten dollar art zines, and like they don’t want to trade with you, and I feel like that was kind of missing in other fests. Um, so, we just wanted to make a fest that includes like, scrappy cut and paste zines, instead of computer-generated stuff.
Maira: Nice! With that Kinko’s code-
Vanessa: Yeah-
Maira: Stapling, yeah the like, art zines are weird. I’m biased, I don’t like them, I’ll be straight up with it. My friends and I mostly do perzines, so we’re all really excited about the fest.
All: Yay!
[3:10-3:15 muffled]
Holly: Yeah, I feel like for all of us, um, what we like about zines is what is in perzines and there’s room for everything obviously, but we write zines mostly I think to connect with other people, other freaks, other disenfranchised people. And so, to go to a fest and it’s all art zines and enamel pins as like, you know, people have been saying and stuff like that. It’s just, it’s not what we’re about or what we’re looking for, and so it’s all about the trade and the connection and sharing like, feelings that maybe you can’t usually and all of that, relating to people and not just shiny pretty things, which seems to be… you know, more of what’s happening these days.
Maira: I feel that, and I’ve definitely seen that as, like, an organizer. It’s like, I mean that’s part of why I started Bay Area Queer Zine Fest, I was like, we don’t have a designated space and I’m tired of enamel pins. I’m such a hater.
All: We’re all haters.
Alex: That’s how we came together.
Enola: Yeah, I mean, I think some of the best moments of my life have been coming across someone’s zine that I’ve never read and it really sucks me in and I cry a lot about you know, their experience that I’m reading. Sometimes I even learn something about myself, you know, and I just immediately want to contact that person and become friends, you know. And being a hater is really good motivation.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Maira: Yeah, oh totally. I have written zines about being a hater.
[all laugh]
Maira: I don’t necessarily show them to anyone, but like, you’ve got to get those feelings out.
Holly: Yeah.
Maira: Where, it’s at Humanist Hall? In Oakland.
All: Yep, mhm.
Maira: Cool, February 25th?
Holly: 12 to 5, with a possible after party. We have the Hall all day, Humanist Hall rules, by the way!
Maira: Shout out to Humanist Hall!
Holly: Shout out to Humanist Hall!
Enola: Great guy.
[5:32 - 5:5:46 indistinguishable]
Holly: I mean, he’s a man, but he doesn’t try to get up in your business, yeah.
Maira: Nice! Yeah, I’m excited, I requested the day off of work.
All: Wooh!
Maira: I work weekends now, um, and I was like, I told my boss, “Yo, I’ve got to go to a thing.”
[all laugh]
Vanessa: The best thing.
Maira: I’ve got to go to the best thing this month. I actually started talking to some, I’m going to school this semester and started talking to some of my classmates about the fest. And um, because we had, I hate ice breakers, but one of my professors was like, “Okay, it’s February, what are you all excited about?” And I was like, “Zine fest!”
All: Aww!
Maira: So I’ve been hyping it up, I’m really excited. I love perzines, um, but, yeah. I, I’m really glad you all are doing this.
All: Thank you! Yeah!
Maira: Um, do you have any favorite perzines? Like either a single zine or like a series?
Vanessa: No Gods, No Mattresses.
Enola: Stop it!
[all laugh]
Maira: Yeah, feel free to just plug your own stuff, that’s basically what this podcast is. So everyone loves No Gods, No Mattresses?
Vanessa: Yeah.
Holly: It’s No God, No Mattress.
Maira: I’m sorry!
Vanessa: Mandela Effect.
Enola: Yeah, it’s the Mandela Effect, look it up.
Maira: Like the Barenstein Bear thing?
[all laugh]
Enola: But with my zine title.
[all laugh]
Enola: It happens with so many things. I didn’t say it.
Holly: I said it.
[all laugh]
Vanessa: I love Dreams of Donuts by Heather Wreckage, who also did the poster for us.
Holly: It’s so beautiful! She’s so talented.
Maira: I’m going to post, um, when I put up the podcast I’m going to put up the flier and like, the Facebook event, so people can see it.
Enola: Here, we’re very prepared.
Maira: I’m just going to wallpaper my apartment with fliers, um, we need some new art, it’s fine. Um, cool, Holly and Alex, do you all have favorites?
Holly: So many, all my favorite zines are perzines.
Maira: Tight.
Holly: Um, I, let’s see, what are some good zines, I just blanked out right now, oh my god.
Enola: There’s too many.
Holly: There’s too many, a lot of the zines I like I don’t think are being made anymore because it was like, in the late 1990’s, early 2000’s. Um, but “Truck Face” is really good, LB is going to be tabling at the fest, which I am super excited about because we were penpals when I was twelve. So it’s like, really cool that they’re going to be there.
Maira: Have you met them before?
Holly: I’ve never met them before.
Maira: That’s so exciting!
Holly: It’s really exciting, I feel very kind of like, I don’t know, my whole life has been leading up to is this fest or something, like something really cheesy like that. Um, but that’s a really good zine that’s been around for like twenty years, and uh, “Shotgun Seamstress” by Osa, which I guess that zine isn’t getting made anymore, but it’s in circulation, it’s like, really epic. Um, a zine about black music and musicians and it’s really so good.
Enola: I always think about it afterwards, well my favorite long-running zine that changed my life is Cindy Crabb’s “Doris,” um, I really like all of my co-organizers’ zines a lot.
[all laugh]
Enola: Um, everything everyone else mentioned so far, also “Rot” by Arthur, who also contributed some artwork to us and made our buttons, um, because we love their art and we asked them to.
Maira: I got one of the angels they did for EBABZ…
All: Aww!
Maira: Yeah, nobody who’s listening to this can see this, but I have a tattoo on my leg of Arthur’s.
Holly: It looks awesome.
Enola: Very good.
[all laugh]
Maira: There’s so many zines in the world, like, it’s, yeah, I do the same thing where I think about it afterwards and I’m just like, “Aw, I just came up with like an essay or an entire list of zines.”
Holly: It will be in the supplemental materials.
Maira: Yeah, supplement- blah, supplemental material for this episode will just be everyone’s favorite zines.
Enola: That’s a really good idea.
Holly: It will be like a twelve page PDF.
[all laugh]
Alex: I’m really into “Bamboo Girl,” if you all remember that.
Holly: That one sounds really familiar, that one is from the early 2000’s?
Alex: Yeah-
[10:54 indistinguishable]
Alex: I don’t know if it counts, but there’s this really cool perzine called “The Worst,” it’s about like, grieving in the punk community.
Maira: Oh that sounds so cool!
Alex: Yeah, and I think you can get it online.
Maira: Oh cool, I’m going to look that up.
All: Yeah!
Maira: So do all of you make zines?
All: Yes.
Holly: We all make perzines.
Vanessa: I’d say we’re seasoned zinesters.
Maira: Okay, cool, um, do any of you want to talk about your seasoning?
[all laugh]
Enola: Can I just add a favorite zine? Since I’ve remembered.
Maira: Yes.
Enola: Anything by Subtle Ceiling.
Maira: Yes, shout out to Subtle Ceiling
Holly: Who also hates enamel pins!
[all laugh]
Holly: Like, I knew that in my heart, but I didn’t realize it until I read their interview in Scream Queens Magazine. And they were like, “Enamel Pizza Pins!”
All: Yeah, wow!
Enola: Oh yeah, Brain Scan.
Holly: Yeah, Alex Wrekk is going to be there, she made these buttons. Like, Arthur did the art, but she made the buttons themselves. It’s cool just to have a lot of our favorite zinesters at the fest.
Maira: Yeah, people are coming from all over.
Holly: Yeah, all over the continent. We have someone coming from Toronto.
Maira: Oh! So it’s international?
[all laugh]
Maira: Drawing international crowds. That’s really exciting.
Holly: Perzine people love perzines.
[all laugh]
Maira: They’re the best kind of zine people. Like, let’s be real.
Holly: Exactly. I feel like, I don’t know, it takes a certain kind of thing to put your emotions on paper, different than reviewing a band or talking about a political thing, or like you know, yeah, putting a piece of art or whatever. But to like, just state your emotions, and I feel like, yeah, there’s something about that that’s really special about that kind of person. I don’t know. Did that sound mean or something? Like other people aren’t something real? It’s not like that different, different stuff.
Maira: Asswipe?
[Vanessa laughs]
Maira: I was like, “I know this!”
Vanessa: Yeah, and uh, also sometimes Staycation, sometimes I write about my staycations.
[all laugh]
Vanessa: There’s a lot to write about.
Maira: What are you most excited about for the fest?
Enola: Meeting everyone? I don’t know!
Maira: That’s my favorite part of tabling at fests, is like hanging out with all my friends. I was going to say zine friends, but they’re all my actual friends, we’re just connected by zines. But like, that’s what I love about tabling. Just hanging out, everyone in one room, going around like visiting tables and being like, “Ayyy!” I just did finger guns, for everyone listening.
[all laugh]
Maira: You probably could like, hear the finger guns.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Maira: Um, yeah, I, let’s look at the lineup, unless you know it off the top of your head?
[all laugh]
Maira: Not everyone?
[14:07 - 14:12 indistinguishable]
Maira: Yes, in alphabetical order, um -
[audio cuts]
Vanessa: We also have first time zine people, who are releasing their first zines.
All: Yeah.
Maira: Oh cool! Yeah, first time zines, like, first time zine fests are really fun. Um, do any of you remember your first zine fest and want to talk about it?
Vanessa: I went to LA Zine Fest when I lived down there, and like, it was the first one that they had-
Maira: Oh, cool.
Vanessa: And it was really intense, and like really energetic and I made my zine after that.
Maira: LA Zine Fest is really cool.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Maira: And I really like how, I like how they change venues every year. It like, keeps it fresh.
Vanessa: Yeah, I agree.
Maira: But it’s also nice to have one that’s like, always… I don’t know.
Vanessa: Yeah, yeah.
Maira: Shout out to LA Zine Fest.
[all laugh]
Holly: My first zine fest was EBABZ 2012, and it was my first time, well, obviously it was the first time I traded with anyone. That’s how I met Enola-
[all laugh]
Holly: Yeah that was really exciting and cool, and I loved it, and then that same year I went to Portland Zine Symposium, and um, yeah! I was like, I’m going to… yeah, I don’t know.
Maira: Both excellent zine fests.
Holly: Yeah!
Maira: And those were my two, like, Portland Zine Symposium was the first one I ever went to as like, a spectator I guess? And then the first time I ever tabled was at EBABZ. So they both have special places in my heart.
Enola: Yeah. You know, actually now I’m thinking about it and like, this might not even be true but my first zine fest was Portland Zine Symposium, the first one I knew about I think. I started going in 2010, as an exhibitor, um, I don’t know, I don’t think I went to a zine fest before that, like to just go. I think I only started going as a tabler, yeah I’m pretty sure that was my first one.
Alex: My first one was also Portland Zine Symposium, in like 2008, tabling with the IPRC in Portland.
Maira: Yeah, the IPRC is tight. I haven’t been to their new space-
Alex: Me either.
Maira: But I went there one time to like, get ready for PZS and was just like, “Woah, you all have like, hella staplers, and like paper for days!” I don’t know, it was a really cool space, if you’re ever in Portland, check out the IPRC.
Holly: What does that stand for?
Maira: Independent Publishing Resource Center?
Holly: Oh, cool.
Maira: Question mark, but I’m pretty sure.
Alex: Yeah, I think so.
Maira: Yeah, um, did you all live in Portland before?
Alex: Just for like a summer.
Maira: Oh, okay cool.
Alex: That summer, but it was, I never really, I only had been reading zines up until then, and it was really cool to see the people behind everything. All the trading, and all the zines.
Maira: I remember I picked up um, the first zine I ever read was that “Learning Good Consent” one, but the first zine I ever like, picked up and owned was this Neutral Milk Hotel fanzine I got at Portland Zine Symposium.
[all laugh]
Maira: And I think I still have it somewhere. Um, it’s traveled with me to several apartments. What else do you want to talk about? What other cool zine stuff, do you have upcoming projects that aren’t the fest?
Vanessa: Well, we actually just got out interview with MRR back, um, we did an interview with Maximum RocknRoll, and they just printed it, and we’re a little unhappy with the layout.
[all laugh]
Vanessa: We sent them some beautiful pictures of us in the cemetery, and they didn’t include any of them. So…
Holly: So wait for that on our Tumblr.
[all laugh]
Enola: We’re going to put our pics up.
[all laugh]
Holly: Yeah, I think one of the things I’m really excited about this zine fest is um, just in general, like making a fest or creating a thing that is the way you want it to be, because you know it’s easy to complain about other zine fests or to be like, “Oh, our interview in MRR isn’t how we want it to be,” or whatever, but like, it’s cool to feel empowered to make something the way that you want it to be. And like, our application process I feel like was really empowering to be like, you know, we don’t really want people whose zines are more than five dollars, or to be able to reject known abusers in the zine community who applied to our fest. And be like, “Fuck no, you don’t get to come.”
Maira: Yeah!
Holly: And just in general to create a space where like, you know, hopefully it’s like hostile for people who we think are shitty, and who don’t add anything to the community and who benefit from disenfranchised peoples’ work and to make it a welcoming, accessible environment for people who, you know, maybe don’t get as much space and time to do stuff. So, I don’t know, yeah, it’s cool. Feels like a big deal or something.
Maira: It is a big deal! Yeah, it’s amazing! I-
Holly: I’m sure you know how that goes, too.
Maira: It’s terrifying-
[all laugh]
Maira: But it feels really good when it’s over.
[all laugh]
Maira: Um, yeah, it’s a big deal to be able to have something that is your own and not in a controlling way? But just in like a, “This is my vision, this is something that hasn’t happened before, this is something that I want to put out into the world that’s like, super beneficial, and people are just going to have a great time at.”
Holly: Right, and it’s something you want to do and it’s also something other people want, it’s not just like, “I want to do this thing.” It’s like, “We all want this thing!” Let’s facilitate it. It’s happening.
Enola: It’s been really cool to get feedback from applicants about how happy they are that we’re doing this, and they want to do perzine fests in other parts of the country, and yeah, I don’t know, I feel really excited and positive about everything. I kind of don’t want it to be over.
All: Yeah!
[all laugh]
Maira: But that just means that like, you’re ready for next year.
[all laugh]
Maira: Or even like, not even next year, you can do so many fests in one year.
[all laugh]
Maira: I’m not saying do a fest every month, because that… I feel like you’d burn out really easily.
Holly: Yeah I feel like San Jose Zine Con has events all year round, like there’s ways to keep the party going without it necessarily being like a whole fest, I guess. But there’s going to be a really sick perzine library. We’re going to have workshops, um-
Maira: Can you tell us more about the workshops?
Vanessa: I can look it up on my phone.
Maira: Oh wait, I have Facebook open, um, Angela Roberts of “Super Trooper” zine, and Neely Chestnut of “Mend My Dress Press.”
Holly: Neely’s is really cool.
Enola: I think it’s called “Mending your dress,” it’s really cute.
[all laugh]
Alex: Oh that’s so cute.
Maira: I think I have an anthology of it somewhere, that I was given at another zine fest. My zine collection has been like a weird roller coaster, because I lost a lot of zines um, last time I had to move. But I like, the one box that didn’t get super damaged was like, all of the first zines I ever got, so that was cool.
Vanessa: Neely’s doing one called “Mending Your Dress: Coping with Trauma Through Writing.”
Maira: Oh, that sounds so sick!
All: Yeah.
Maira: I feel like I never get to go to workshops when I’m like, tabling, so I am going to make my distro partners watch the table because I want to go to that.
Alex: Yeah, sounds awesome.
Maira: That’s exciting. I love workshops, I feel like, writing workshops at zine fests are really crucial. One of my distro partners does stamp making workshops, shout out to Kristen, but I don’t know! I feel like writing workshops get people excited about making zines while they’re at the fest. And then they can make their own perzine there, and then trade it with people. Yeah.
Holly: And hopefully anyone listening to this that doesn’t already make a zine will make one and then bring it to the fest to trade with people because, unlike other fests you may have been to, everyone here wants to trade with you. Probably, I can’t speak to every person, but with perzines it’s more of a “trading vibe.”
Maira: I know that my friends in Rad Breath um, we’ve been talking about it a lot and we’re all like, “Shit, pressure is on, we’ve got to finish these perzines.”
[all laugh]
Maira: So we’re using this fest as an excuse to uh, kick our own asses? And write more.
Holly: Yeah! That was kind of, I think, one of the things was having something to do to look forward to, in February, to get through the winter. Which can be really depressing and hard, so yeah, we’re giving ourselves and hopefully everyone else something to look forward to and work on.
[Holly laughs]
Maira: I need to finish some stuff. I have a bunch of stuff that’s half-finished. I’m taking a creative writing class so I’m just like, “I’m just going to make a zine out of everything I write, it’s all good!” Not like, quality-wise…
[all laugh]
Holly: What were you going to say, Alex?
Alex: Oh, we’re having a “work day” planned, we want people to come work on their zines.
Maira: Oh cool, and you all just had a fundraiser, right?
Vanessa: Yes.
Maira: It was a bakesale?
Vanessa: Yes.
Maira: How’d it go?
Vanessa: It went great. We had some really cool raffle prizes that we found in the dumpster.
[all laugh]
Enola: And many places throughout our lives.
[all laugh]
Maira: I had another- oh, sorry, you have another fundraiser coming up.
Holly: And a reading, the Saturday before at E.M. Wolfman, Saturday night from 7 to 9.
Maira: The downtown one?
Holly: Yes.
Maira: Okay, I forget there’s two now.
Vanessa: I know.
Maira: Even though I just refer to it as “the one downtown,” it’s just, that’s it.
Vanessa: I don’t go to the new one. I don’t like those pods.
[Holly and Enola talking at the same time]: Obnoxious
Alex: What pods?
Vanessa: There are like these shipping containers…
Maira: Like where Unity Mart was?
Vanessa: Yeah.
Maira: Oh-kay.
Holly: Yeah, those are weird. Sorry, it’s not your fault, it’s the fucking real estate developers.
All: Yeah.
Vanessa: It’s Libby Schaaf’s fault.
Holly: Who are trying to make it the next-
Vanessa: Valencia Street.
Holly: Yeah! They’re going to take those pods away and build condos there after they get enough rich people to move into that neighborhood, you know it’s true.
Maira: Negative shout out-
[all laugh]
Maira: To the real estate market. Um, that makes me think of, how do you feel… do you feel like zines in the Bay have changed with all of the things happening in the Bay? Like the Bay Area Zine Scene I guess. How do you feel it’s changed in the last couple of years? And even in the last ten to fifteen years?
Holly: Yeah, I mean Alex and Vanessa are from here, so probably a lot, right?
Vanessa: Yeah, it’s very glossy. That’s how I feel. But one cool thing I feel like it’s a little more queer, so that’s cool. But, I don't know, it’s definitely changed.
Maira: Much like Valencia Street.
Vanessa: Yes.
[Holly laughs]
Vanessa: There’s also like, Navalone, which isn’t around anymore, but people used to hang out there and work on their zines, and now there’s not a lot of cool places to do that.
Maira: I want to get like, at my new job my boss was like, “Yeah, we have, we can do readings and art shows,” and I really want to do zine readings at work. But I have to get people to come to Alameda.
Holly: Alameda is cool!
All: Yeah!
Maira: Alameda is really cool, but… there’s a lot of really cute dogs-
[27:50 - 27:57 indistinguishable]
Maira: I haven’t been there, I just see them walk past like, “Hello! Let me take your photo! What’s your email?”
[all laugh]
Enola: Something I wish there was more… Yeah, kind of like how Navalone is gone, I miss having like, better, or not better but like, more distro spots that I actually feel connected to, you know? I wish there was a cafe that I liked that had a little zine rack or something.
Holly: Yeah I think at Navalone they didn’t take any commission out of selling your zines. Or anything. I mean that’s probably why they went out of business. Because they were terrible at business, but it was good while it lasted.
Maira: Are there, I know that there are spots that carry zines like bookstores and stuff, but I’m really bad at like, taking my zines to other places? Are there more punk spots to distro in the Bay anymore?
Enola and Vanessa: Not really.
[all laugh]
Holly: I mean, not that we know of, we’re not that punk, they might be like, “really punk.”
Maira: I guess I mean DIY, like, weirdo spaces.
Holly: Totally… Not really. It’s kind of a desert out there. We all know that there are exceptions to this, but there isn’t a lot of DIY anything in general right now. You know? Like show spaces-
Maira: It’s getting pretty dry out there, in terms of DIY stuff, I’ve noticed.
Holly: But obviously we know that there’s other stuff popping up, and there’s always a process, but yeah it feels less like that now than it used to be.
Maira: I am just… bookstores intimidate me in terms of putting my zines there.
Holly: Uh huh.
Maira: So i’m just like, “Ahh!” and I feel like that’s mostly what there is right now. I just feel like, my zines don’t belong with actual books. I printed this at work and stapled it together and it looks like crap, but I love it. And that’s a hardbound book, and those don’t go together.
Holly: Yeah, there’s that zine store in San Francisco.
Maira: Needles and Pens?
Enola: I heard they closed?
Maira: They’re still open, my friend works there.
Holly: Yeah but there are like, fancy-ass zines and succulent plants.
All: Yeah.
Maira: Yeah that’s an interesting store, but I do like that they sell zines even if they’re fancy ones.
Enola: Yeah, I sold my zine there for a little while from 2009 to 2011 or something, you know, living in the East Bay it’s hard to get to the city and they have a policy that’s like, “If you don’t come here to get your money within 2 days, we just keep it.”
[all laugh]
Enola: I never went there to get my zines. Well, they don’t tell you if anything’s sold. I guess I could have called.
Maira: Are you supposed to just like, call every day like, “Hey, did my stuff sell?”
Enola: Also, maybe that’s not even their policy, it was a long time ago.
Holly: I think Pegasus has-
Enola: Yeah.
Holly: The best percentage. The best consignment percentage. It’s like, you know, sixty/forty.
Maira: Oh, cool.
Enola: Yeah, well that’s like basic consignment. It should always be sixty-
Holly: Issues is fifty.
Enola: That’s like more when, that’s like you buy it outright you should pay fifty percent.
Holly: Not on Piedmont!
[all laugh]
Holly: You’re lucky that you don’t have to pay them.
Maira: Please carry my zines, here’s money.
Holly: “Here, that will be twenty dollars!”
Vanessa: I like Dog Eared Books on Valencia because they pay you outright but they only take-
Holly: Oh!
Vanessa: Like, two.
Holly: Good tip, good tip. I mean, these are all still bookstores. But, if you can get over the bookstore hump.
Maira: I feel like most other places have like, infoshops and we don’t really have that here? At least not that I know of.
[32:14 - 32:21 indistinguishable]
Maira: I’m really out of touch with most things, I feel.
Holly: You don’t need to be in touch with this infoshop.
[all laugh]
Maira: Okay.
Enola: Well there is an infoshop in Berkeley that I was involved with for like eight years.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Enola: And it’s been there a long time.
Holly: It’s been there a long time, but it’s not-
Enola: I don’t have my zine there anymore.
Maira: Is this the bad one?
Holly: Yeah.
Maira: Okay.
Enola: Yeah, a lot of people think it’s bad, I don’t go there anymore, but I’m not trying to-
Holly: I mean, it’s fine but I don’t want to like, shout it out.
Maira: Oh yeah, for sure.
Holly: Not like we’re like, “Ssh, ssh, burn it down.”
Enola: Some people are like that.
Holly: We’re not protesting, we’re just not going to advertise them.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Holly: I’m sure you can figure it out really easily. There’s a search engine for that.
[all laugh]
Holly: Only one.
[33:09 - 33:20 indistinguishable]
Enola: That was good, I love Jeeves. It’s so helpful.
Maira: I really loved AJ Kids when I was like, it was just a kids’ search engine for Ask Jeeves.
All: Oh!
Maira: It had like, homework help and cute, I don’t know, being young on the internet was weird.
All: Yeah.
Maira: Ooh, let’s talk about the internet. Because I feel like that ties into perzines. I don’t know, did any of you have like, an online journal? Livejournal specifically?
Vanessa: Yeah.
Enola: I had Deadjournal when I was a teen. And then I didn’t get a Livejournal until I was like twenty two.
Holly: Enola was just born when they were twenty two, before that they were undead.
Enola: Now I’m just dead.
[all laugh]
Vanessa: It’s where I discovered my voice. Like, “I want to be a writer.”
All: Aww!
Vanessa: Was on Livejournal.
Holly: That’s amazing. So heartwarming. I came to Livejournal after… Livejournal was a newer thing for me when I was on the internet.
Maira: Did you come before the Russian bots took over? Or like-
Holly: No, I would say probably 2002.
Maira: Okay.
Holly: When I was on the internet, I thought that it was a private place, because no one that I knew used the internet. And so I would just make public entries, about just anything with my full legal name attached to it. And it was too much work to go back and make it private, so I just purged it, so no.
Maira: It’s like, yeah, the internet does feel private sometimes, even though it’s a public space, and I feel like zines are a lot like that.
All: Yeah.
Maira: Except my parents don’t find my zines and find out that I’m like, super gay, like they found on the internet. Um, yeah, zines…
Holly: Did they just like, google your name or something?
Maira: I don’t even know, my mom just found my Tumblr where I was like, “I think I’m trans,” and she was like, “We need to talk.” Like ahhh.
Holly: Like, comment on my Tumblr post or this isn’t happening.
[all laugh]
Maira: At least like it. Wait no, Tumblr is the hearts.
Holly: Reblog it.
Maira: Please reblog this post so I know it’s real.
[Holly laughs]
Enola: I’m really happy my parents don’t know how to use the internet.
Maira: I wish-
[all laugh]
Maira: That was the case for me. Um, zines and the internet. Do you know any zines about the internet? Any good ones out there?
Holly: There’s a zine by Miranda who does the zine “Telegram” about how to get off the internet.
Maira: Oh!
Holly: It’s cool, it’s a good one, because yeah, I think we’re all more addicted to the internet than we want to be, even though it can be a place of connection, which is definitely how it was for me when I was young. Um, I met a lot of people and learned a lot of stuff from the internet, but now I think we’re all kind of dependent on it, and so it’s just different ideas of things you can do. It’s somewhere in my collection, I forget what they are.
Maira: I should pick that up. I’m on the internet too much.
Holly: And you can buy that zine on the internet.
[all laugh]
Maira: So meta.
[all laugh]
Maira: Um, yeah, like, when I started getting more into zines, I went to the zine library at this fest in San Jose. But I was at the zine library and I remember finding all these zines and like, writing down the email addresses of the people who wrote them, and I was just, “Hey, I want a copy of this, but I can’t find it on the internet!” And they were like, “I got you.” So yeah, zines and the internet are great ways to find community.
Holly: They’re really intertwined for me, I mean I guess zines started before there even was an internet, but I feel like I would not have found out about zines if it weren’t for the internet, because I lived in a place that wasn’t a zine place, really. Although… I don’t know, it’s a little different. So yeah, I feel like that is what connected me, especially with feminist zines and queer zines and not just zines about music.
Enola: I guess like, I feel like I missed out on a lot of stuff. I’m pretty like, I use the internet more than I would like people to believe right now, but I feel happy that I’m kind of hard to find, or something. I don’t know, maybe I have always been like that, because I didn’t find out about zines until I was in my twenties, and I had the internet since I was like, sixteen or something. So I, yeah I don’t know. I like to see them as separate, and I refuse to put my email address in my zine, and I want everyone to send me mail in real life.
Vanessa: One thing with this fest that I’ve found is I’m online a lot. Like, communicating with everyone through email. And so my anxiety is definitely a little higher since I’m on the internet a lot. And it’s kind of hard to promote when you don’t have the internet, but that’s how everyone sees stuff, so.
Maira: I feel that, I want to delete Facebook all the time, but I’m also like, “Wait, I also want people to know about all these projects I’m working on,” so I just made a fake name.
Enola: Yeah, that sounds cool. I really just want to do everything with paper fliers and I make a lot, but then I’m like, “Oh wait, I’m kind of old and tired and don’t go out anymore.” I guess right now I’m depending on everyone else to promote online.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Maira: I’m bad at promoting online, um, I like to think that I’m good at it, but I’m really not. And I don’t use hashtags correctly, because I think they’re silly but that’s really how you’ve got to do it. I’ve got to get better at this.
Vanessa: I love hashtags. It’s like one of my favorite things about the internet.
Enola: Did you hashtag in a text today?
Vanessa: Yes.
[all laugh]
Enola: Did you-
Vanessa: I may have accidentally done it.
Enola: I think you accidentally did too, you were just so overcome with emotion.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Alex: What was it?
Vanessa: I think I was ranting about the MRR interview. Yeah.
[all laugh]
Maira: I mean, my coworkers and I will say, “Hashtag, like, coffee problems.”
Vanessa: Yeah.
Maira: We’ll say it outloud, but when it comes to using them on the internet… But I also feel that all my stuff, at least I think all my stuff is on private. So what’s the point? And then I always forget hashtags and I go back and am like, “Oh, I could have done this better.” But I don’t know if it does the same amount of promotion if you like, edit posts?
Vanessa: Yeah.
Maira: Maybe I should learn how to use Instagram.
[Vanessa laughs]
Maira: That’s my goal for 2018.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Maira: I’ll learn how to use the internet properly. Instead of just yelling into the void. But that’s what it’s for.
Alex: They’re both good.
Maira: Yeah, both good! I can do both, they’re not mutually exclusive. Do you have anything else you want to plug or talk about?
Holly: [to Alex] Do you want to talk about anything?
Alex: No, do you have something in mind?
[all laugh]
Holly: Just want to make sure you feel represented. Totally, totally, not trying to put you on the spot, just in case.
Alex: Yeah.
Maira: Oh! I thought of some questions, um, so… did you all know each other before like, organizing?
Vanessa: I knew Enola through a collective organization-
[Enola laughs]
Enola: Scratch Paper?
Vanessa: Yeah, we worked on that paper together. And we just knew each other through shows and stuff.
Maira: Cool.
Enola: And zines!
Vanessa: And zines. Yeah.
Holly: Yeah, Enola and I were friends before, and then me and Alex have been friends for a long time, and then, um-
Holly/Vanessa: [both] I knew you.
Holly: Yeah, but we didn’t really hang out or anything.
Alex: I read all of you all’s zines.
Vanessa: Gel zine, shout out. It’s been fun meeting. We have meetings every week-
Maira: Every week? That’s awesome.
Enola: It’s been so nice.
Maira: How long have you been planning this for?
Holly: Since November.
Maira: Oh, okay. Cool. That was really hard for Bay Area Queer Zine Fest, getting people to meet.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Maira: And having it be more than just like me and maybe two other people. Because we’re all spread out, but it was like, “Okay, who can meet at this time?” And it was like, me and one other person. So I went to all the meetings, but…
Vanessa: How many people were organizing that?
Maira: I think there were like six of us? It was also hard because people just kind of came in and out. But are you all like, the four core?
Holly: Yeah, definitely.
Vanessa: We have Angela, who does social media.
Enola: She’s our Facebook PR, and she made really good treats for our bake sale.
Holly: She’s like the, yeah, she’s like auxiliary. I don’t know, she’s important but she doesn’t come to meetings. She has a night job.
Maira: Shout out to Angela.
All: Yeah!
Vanessa: And Angela will be tabling, for “Super Trooper” zine. It’s my favorite.
Maira: Oh! And that’s one of the workshops.
Holly: But yeah, it’s just the four of us, so I feel like it hasn’t been that hard, we’ve only skipped a couple of weeks, and there have been times where not every single person is there, but we’ll still meet and it’s usually at least three of us. But I feel like it’s kind of been our, I don’t know, like, we really want to go to meetings.
Enola: It’s how we get through the week.
All: Yeah!
Vanessa: It’s kind of like being in a band.
All: Yeah!
Vanessa: Hanging out.
Enola: But it feels easier to me.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Enola: Yeah, I guess I have a spot that I’m not sure where to place it, but since you asked if there’s anything we want to-
Maira: Yeah, throw it out.
Enola: It’s kind of related to what we were just saying, but um, I guess people talk about the “zine community,” and I remember hearing that years ago and being like, “Oh, I’m not sure that’s a real thing.” I think a lot of the time I can be very critical of the idea of community and not think it’s a real thing and feel really isolated and everything is fake or whatever, but lately, you know, because we’ve been planning this fest, I’ve been thinking about the “zine community” a lot and have been like, “Oh, I do actually have friends I’ve met through zines,” and made a lot of connections, so I’m feeling now like that’s a real thing.
Holly: Oh, and speaking of the zine community, one of the people who was supposed to table at our fest isn’t coming because their house in New Orleans burned down. And if you want to donate to them, at all, obviously no pressure, you can get in touch with us.
Maira: I’ll post the link, too if you-
Holly: Yeah.
Maira: Because I lost my house in a fire last year, so yeah, shit is rough.
All: Yeah.
Maira: So once I get paid, I would love to donate.
Holly: Cool, yeah, definitely.
Enola: Yeah, they were super looking forward to coming.
Vanessa: They were going to read at one of our events about the fest, so we’re sad.
Holly: Yeah, we hope they’re okay, so yeah, we will get people.
Maira: What have you learned from the organizing that you either wish you knew earlier, or what wisdom can you impart on like, people who either want to start their own fest or want to get into organizing?
Vanessa: That’s a really good question.
[all laugh]
Vanessa: Finding a venue is really hard, at least here in the Bay Area. I think it’s good to find a place that has tables and chairs already. Because I’ve seen other zine fests and tables and chairs are a hassle to rent and-
Maira: You’ve got to set them up…
Vanessa: Yeah.
Maira: It’s the worst. It’s not THE worst, but like, it sucks.
Holly: I feel like what I learned most of all is that you can just do it. There’s not like, a type of person that can organize stuff. I’m not super young, but I’ve gone this long without organizing anything because I felt like other people do that. And so, it’s like anyone can. You just can. And you should. Unless you’re just some shitty man, and then you shouldn’t do anything ever.
[Vanessa laughs]
Enola: Very true.
Maira: Probably just go hide in a cave.
[all laugh]
Holly: Don’t organize shit except your own self.
Alex: Your life.
[all laugh]
Holly: Please. But yeah, anyone who’s nervous or shy or scared, it’s like, you just should. And it’s probably going to be great. Or, I don’t know, not to say. Whatever, yeah.
Maira: It’s going to be great.
[all laugh]
Maira: Just follow your heart.
Alex: Yeah, I feel like I just agree with Holly, I feel like I haven’t left my house in years but like, having a meeting every week has been really nice.
Enola: I think for me, I used to organize a lot of stuff and have just kind of been doing my own thing for like, it seems like a very long time, so there are some things I’ve relearned when we started planning the fest, and one of them is, it takes a little bit longer to figure things out when it’s not just you making a decision on your own. And um, I think I’ve really benefited from that, and have a lot of really nice experiences with everyone like, figuring out how to do something that’s not just my idea that’s imperfect.
Maira: Yeah, that’s a very good lesson. That’s how I felt with Queer Zine Fest too, I was just like, oh, wait, collaborating is awesome.
All: Yeah.
Maira: And just getting input from other people, and like, I don’t know, my vision isn’t always the best possible outcome, you know? Like, it’s cool to get feedback and stuff from other people. Sharing ideas.
Holly: It’s really rewarding, too, to share the excitement or disappointment with someone else, or three other people. It’s really fun when the box of buttons comes, like [screams] “It’s perfect!”
[all laugh]
Holly: And just feeling really pumped on group successes and also being able to be like, things suck and you get to complain to each other.
[all laugh]
Enola: I feel like we do that a lot.
Maira: It’s like a built-in support group, kind of.
All: Yeah!
Maira: Cool, do you all have anything else?
Vanessa: We want a lot of people to come to this fest.
Maira: Oh yeah, let’s go through the logistics of this fest.
Vanessa: It’s going to be the best one.
Enola: Best fest!
Maira: Can guarantee, best fest. Okay, so, the fest is going to be on Sunday, February 25th, from 12 to 5, Humanist Hall in Oakland, 390 27th St is the address on that one.
Holly: There’s a wheelchair ramp in the back-
Maira: Oh cool!
Holly: And the bathrooms are accessible and they’re neutral, and there’s going to be free parking because it’s Sunday!
Maira: Wooh!
Holly: And it’s between MacArthur and 19th St BART.
Vanessa: It’s close to 19th.
Holly: It’s close to 19th St, yeah.
Vanessa: And it’s by Whole Foods, so get some snacks.
Enola: We’ll also have some snacks there.
All: Yeah.
Maira: Bring water, stay hydrated.
Vanessa: Yeah.
Holly: Bring small bills.
Maira: Go to the bank on Saturday.
Holly: Bring your ones and your zines to trade.
Maira: Yeah, I’m so excited to trade with people, my friend Poliana who does bibliophiliac-
All: Yay!
Maira: Super all about trading, I love that, she gets me pumped up about trading, because I am sometimes like, I don’t know, sometimes you want to break even or like, have to pay for shit. I was lucky enough to have kind of an office job, and I would just sneak a bunch of copies. I don’t know, I’m getting excited about training again. I want to rebuild my collection.
Holly: I think it depends, I always buy a lot of zines and kind of like, it’s obviously not the same thing as getting paid, but I would buy a lot of zines anyway.
Maira: Yeah, capitalism sucks anyway!
All: True.
Maira: Negative shout out to capitalism.
[all laugh]
Maira: Um, cool.
Vanessa: The fest is sponsored by water.
Enola: Wa-wa.
Holly: It’s sponsored by water, we couldn’t have done it without you.
All: Thank you so much, water.
Maira: Cool, this has been another episode of Long Arm Stapler, um, oh shit, actually, while you all are here, I got this email-
Holly: That’s what I wanted to say, I wanted to say our email and our Tumblr!
Maira: Yeah! Do it!
Holly: That was the thing.
Maira: Just say it.
Holly: If you have any questions about anything, email us at [email protected] and check out our Tumblr for cool tabler spotlights and other pertinent info at deardiaryzinefest.tumblr.com.
Maira: And I’ll post the links for those-
Holly: Okay, cool.
Maira: But I wanted to respond to Bianca from LA Zine Fest who emailed me and I just suck at responding, because you emailed me in December. Um, and yes, Ara was from LA and stuff, and you very well may have run into her. I was trying to figure out the right order of those words. Um, yeah! Thanks for listening.
Vanessa: I know Bianca.
Maira: Oh, you know Bianca?
Vanessa: She’s really cool.
Maira: Cool. Shout out to Bianca. All about the shout outs. Um, if you have questions, shoot me a message on Facebook or via email, and go to Dear Diary Zine Fest on February 25th!
@deardiaryzinefest
#dear diary zine fest#ddzf#bay area#diy#zines#podcast#podcast transcript#full transcript#long arm stapler
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