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teshknowledgenotes · 3 years

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Charlie Munger: Academic Economics — Strengths and Weaknesses, after Considering Interdisciplinary Need - Notes

My personal history is interesting because it's deficiencies and my peculiarities eventully created advantages. For some odd reason, I had an early and extreme multidisciplinary cast of mind. I couldn't stand reaching for a small idea in my own discipline when there was a big idea right over the fence in somebody else's discipline. So I just grabbed in all directions for the big ideas that would really work. Nobody taught me to do that, I was just born with that yen. I was also born with a huge craving for syntheses. And when it didn't come easily, which was often, I would rag the problem, and then when I failed I would put it aside and I'd come back to it and rag it again. It took me 20 years to figure out how and why the Reverend Moon's conversion methods worked. But the psychology departments haven't figured it out yet, so I'm ahead of them.

But anyway, I have this tendency to want to rag the problems. Because WWII caught me. I drifted into some physics and the Air Corps sent me to Caltech where I did a little more physics as part of being made into a meteorologist. And there, at a very young age, I absorbed what I call the fundamental full attribution ethos of hard science. And that was enormously useful to me. Let me explain that ethos.

Under this ethos, you've got to know all the big ideas in all the disciplines less fundamental than your own. You can never many any explanation, which can be made in a more fundamental way, in any other way than the most fundamental way. And you always take with full attribution to the most fundamental ideas that you are required to use. When you're using physics, you say you're using physics. When you're using biology, you said you're using biology. And so on and so on. I could early on see that ethos would act as a fine organizing system for my thought. And I strongly suspected that it would work really well in the soft sciences as well as the hard sciences, So I just grabbed it and used it all through my life in soft science as well as hard science. That was a very lucky idea for me.

Let me explain how extreme that ethos is in hard Science. There is a constant, one of the fundamental constants in physics, known as Boltzmann's constant. You probably all know it very well. And the interesting thing about Boltzmann's constant in that Boltzmann didn't discover it. So why is Boltzmann's constant now named for Boltzmann? Well, the answer was that Boltzmann derived that constant from basic physics in a more fundamental way than the poor forgotten fellow who found the constant in the first place in some less fundamental way. The ethos of hard science is so strong

What’s Wrong with Economics

The nature of this failure is that it creates what I always all, “man with a hammer syndrome” And that's taken from the folk saying: To the man with only a hammer, every problem looks pretty much like a nail. And that works marvellously to sum up all professions, and all departments of academia, and indeed most practical life. The only antidote for being an absolute klutz due to the presence of a man with a hammer syndrome is to have a full kit of tools. You don't have just a hammer. You've got all the tools. And you've got to have one more trick.

You've got to use those tools checklist-style, because you'll miss a lot if you just hope that the right tool is going to pop up unaided whenever you need it. But if you've got a full list of tools, and go through them in your mind, checklist-style you will find a lot of answer that you won't find any other way. So limiting this big general objection that so disturbed Alfred North Whitehead is very important, and there are mental tricks that help do the job.

A special version of this “man with a hammer syndrome” is terrible, not only in economics but practically everywhere else, including business. It's really terrible in business. You've got a complex system and it spews out a lot of wonderful numbers that enable you to measure some factors. But there are other factors that are terribly important, yet there's no precise numbering you can put to these factors. You know they're important, but you don't have the numbers. Well practically everybody 1) Over-weights the stuff that can be numbered, because it yields to the statistical techniques they're taught in academia, and 2) doesn't mix in the hard-to-measure stuff that may be more important. That is a mistake I've tried all my life to avoid, and I have no regrets for having done that.

My fifth criticism is too little synthesis in economics. Not only with matters outside traditional economics, but also within economics. I have posed at two different business schools the following problem. I say “You have studied supply and demand curves. You have learned that when you raise the price, ordinarily the volume you can sell goes down, and when you reduce the price, the volume you can sell goes up. Is that right? That's what you've learned?” They all nod eyes. And I say “Now you tell me several instances when, if you want the physical volume to go up, the correct answer is to increase the price?” And there's this long and ghastly pause. And finally in each of the two business school in which I've tried this. Maybe one person in fifty could name one instance. They come up with the idea that occasionally a higher price acts as a rough indicator of quality and thereby increases sales volumes.

This happened in the case of my friend Bill Ballhaus. When he was head of Beckman Instruments it produced some complicated product where if it failed it caused enormous damage to the purchaser. It wasn't a pump at the bottom of an oil well, but that's a good mental example. And he realized that the reason this thing was selling so poorly, even though it was better than anybody else's product, was because it was priced lower. It made people think it was a low quality gizmo. So he raised the price by 20% or so and the volume went way up. But only one in fifty can come up with this sole instance in a modern business school, one of the business schools being Stanford, which is hard to get into. And nobody has et come up with the main answer that I like. Supposed you raise the price, and use the extra money to bribe the other guy's purchasing agent? Is that going to work? And are there functional equivalents in economics, microeconomics of raising the price and using the extra sales proceeds to drive sales higher? And of course there are a zillion once you've made that mental jump. It's so simple.

Berkshire had this former savings and loan company, and it had made this loan on a hotel right opposite to the Hollywood Park Racetrack. In due time the neighbourhood changed and it was full of gangs, pimps, and dope dealers. They tore copper pipe out of the wall for dope fixes, and there were people hanging around the hotel with guns, and nobody would come. We foreclosed on it two or three times, and the loan value went down to nothing. We seemed to have an insolvable economic problem, microeconomics problem.

Now we could have gone to McKinsey, or maybe a bunch of professors from Harvard, and we would have gotten a report about 10 inches thick about the ways we could approach this failing hotel in this terrible neighbourhood. But instead, we put a sign on the property that said For sale or rent“ and in came, in response to that sign, a who said “I'll spend $200,000 fixing up your hotel, and buy it at a high price on credit if you can get zoning so I can turn the parking lot into a putting green.”

“You've got to have a parking lot in a hotel” we said.

“What do you have in mind?” he said.

“No my business is flying seniors in from Florida, putting them near the airport, and then letting them go out to Disneyland and various places by bus and coming back. And I don't care how bad the neighbourhood is going to be because my people are self contained behind walls. All they have to do is get on the bus in the morning and come home in the evening, and they don't need a parking lot they need a putting green.” So we made the deal with the guy. The whole thing worked beautifully and the loan got paid off, and it all worked out.

Well I've taken you part way through the synthesis. It gets harder when you want to figure out how much activity should be within private firms, and how much should be within the government, and what are the factors that determine which functions are where, and why do the failures occur, and so on and so on.

It's my opinion that anybody with a high IQ who graduated in economics ought to be able to sit down and write a ten page synthesis of all these ideas that's quite persuasive. And I would bet a lot of money that I could give this test in practically every economics department in the country, and get a perfectly lousy bunch of synthesis. They'd talk about transaction costs. They'd click off a little something that their professors gave them and spit it back. But in terms of really understanding how it all fits together, I would confidently predict that most people couldn't do it very well.

By the way if any of you want to try and do this, go ahead. I think you'll find it hard. In this connection, one of the interesting things that I want to mention is that Max Planck, the great Nobel laureate who found Planck's Constant, tried once to do economics. He gave it up. Now why did Max Planck, one of the smartest people who ever live, give up economics? The answer is he said “It's too hard. The best solution you can get is messy and uncertain” It didn't satisfy Planck's craving for order, and so he gave it up. If Max Planck early on realized he was never going to get perfect order, I will confidently predict all of the rest of you are going to have exactly the same result.

Extreme counterproductive psychological ignorance in economics. Here I want to give you a very simple problem. I specialize in simple problems. You own a small casino in Las Vegas. It has fifty standard slot machines. Identical in appearance, they're identical in function. They have exactly the same payout ratios. The things that cause the payouts are exactly the same. They occur in the same percentages. But there's one machine in this group of slot machines, no matter where you put it among the fifty, in fairly short order, when you go to the machines at the end of the day, there will be 25% more winnings from this one machine than from any other machine. Now surely I'm not going to have a failure here. What is different about the heavy winning machine? Can anybody do it?

Male: More people play it.

Charles Munger: No, no, I want to know why more people play it. What's different about that machine is people have used modern electronics to give a higher ratio of near misses. That machine is going bar, bar, lemon. Bar, bar, grapefruit, way more often than normal machines, and that will cause heavier play. How do you get an answer like that? Easy, obviously there's a psychological cause: That machine is doing something to trigger some basic psychological response.

If you know the psychological factors, if you've got them on a checklist in your head, you just run down the factors, and boom! You get to one that must explain this occurrence. There isn't any other way to do it effectively. These answers are not going to come to people who don't learn these mental tricks. If you want to go through life like a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest, why be my guest. But if you want to succeed, like a strong man with two legs, you have to pick up these tricks, including doing economics while knowing psychology.

My ninth objection. Not enough attention to virtue and vice effects in economics. It has been plain to me since early life that there are enormous virtue effects in economics, and also enormous vice effects. But economics get very uncomfortable when you talk about virtue and vice. It doesn't lend itself to a lot of columns of numbers. But I would argue that there are big virtue effects in economics, and also enormous vice effects. It doesn't lend itself to a lot of columns of numbers. But I would argue that there are big virtue effects in economics. I would say that the spreading of double-entry bookkeeping by the Monk, Fra Luca de Pacioli was a big virtue effect in economics. It made business more controllable and it made it more honest. Then the cash register. The cash register did more for human morality than the congregational church. It was a really powerful phenomenon to make an economic system work better, just as, in reverse, a system that can be easily defrauded ruins a civilization. A system that's very hard to defraud, like a cash register, helps the economic performance of civilization by reducing vice, but very few people within economics talk about it in those terms.

Religion. I say economic systems work better when there's an extreme reliability ethos. And the traditional way to get a reliability ethos, at least in past generations in America, was through religion. The religions instilled guilt. We have a charming Irish Catholic priest in our neighbourhood and he loves to say, “Those old Jews may have invented guilt, but we perfected it” And this guilt, derived from religion has been a huge driver of a reliability ethos, which has been very helpful to economic outcomes for man.

When I was young, everybody was excited by Godel who came up with proof that you couldn't have a mathematical system without a lot of irritating incompleteness in it. Well, since then my betters tell me that they've come up with more irremovable defects in mathematics and have decided that you're never going to get mathematics without some paradox in it. No matter how hard you work, you're going to have to live with some paradox if you're a mathematician.

Well, if the mathematicians can't get the paradox out of their system when the're creating it themselves, the poor economists are never going to get rid of paradoxes, nor are any of the rest of us. It doesn't matter. Life is interesting with some paradox. When I run into a paradox I think either I'm a total horse's ass to have gotten to this point, or I'm fruitfully near the edge of my discipline. It adds excitement to life to wonder which it is.

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scandalsavagefanfic · 5 years

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Sneak Peeks

I feel bad that things are taking forever so I figured I’d post a couple sneak peeks for my upcoming stuff. Just to prove to you (and myself) that progress may be slow and I may be a little scattered at the moment, but work is being done.

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Therapy, Chapter 9 (BruJay) - side note: this will be posted this weekend!

“Why did you not run off the moment he opened the door?” Alfred asks gently after a long stretch of silence.

Warmth seeps into Jason’s skin as he cups both hands around the heated china cup filled with tea. The phantom feel of Bruce’s strong arms wrapped around him, pulling him out of his nightmares, holding him… those dreams are always so vivid, so real, he wakes with headaches from crying, throat scratchy from screaming, feeling wrung and raw. Bruce saving him from his nightmares is comparable to Bruce actually saving him back then. It feels just as real as his death. There is a deep emotional high that soaked his brain in endorphins with what amounts to a realized wish fulfillment. Bruce saved him.

The words, the touches, those gentle fingers tightening in his hair, hot desperate lips on his own… everything that’s passed between them, said and unsaid…

He grasps the wooden box tighter, like it’s the only thing keeping him tethered. Because it may well be.

His voice is small and timid when he finally answers. “He told me once if I ever left it’d be my choice,” Jason looks up from his food, falls just short of Alfred’s eyes and forces his gaze up the rest of the way, “It—that… I would never choose to leave. Never.”

Untitled WAtPG side story, Deathstroke’s POV (SladeDickJay)

“Is that Jason? What have you done to him, you fucking brute?”

“I showed your human slut his place,” he growls. Nightwing doesn’t have the moral high ground here, he has no right or reason to be angry. Despite this absolute fact, his husband still looks incensed.

“Shit, D, I told you about him—“

“Yes, you did. You told me about the mortal bitch who’s kept you on earth for over a year. What did you think was going to happen?”

Nightwing’s jaw falls open in shock, “Not this!” He shouts in disbelief, “I told you he was special and I thought you would like him too!”

Truthfully, Deathstroke does feel like maybe he got a little carried away. Especially after whatever that was there at the end, after all his righteous fury had burned away and he could feel again. He’s not as experienced with human lovers as his husband is, most of them can’t handle his predilections. But there was something about this kid. As much as Deathstroke is loathe to admit it, something sparked.

Salvation, Chapter 2 (Thomas Wayne/Jason, others)

Thomas wakes to the smell of fresh coffee being brewed and stretches out from where he had allowed himself to curl around the young man he’d been gifted. It’s been a good long while since he’s slept with someone. In either sense. But even longer since he has just had someone next to him, in his bed, throughout the night.

He’d forgotten how nice it was, that warm weight at his side.

But Jason is no longer lying under the covers where Thomas had tucked him after he’d passed out.

Awareness finally catches up. He crawls out of the bed and throws on a robe. There are a couple kitchens on this floor that provide meals for the cult’s high-ranking officers, but each apartment also comes with its own. That’s where Thomas finds Jason when he enters the main living area, bustling around, humming some made up tune, a fluffy towel wrapped low on his waist.

Even though the kid is skin and bones, what muscle is visible ripples as he moves. Thomas’s mouth goes dry at the sight. A brief fantasy of that smooth, pale skin sliding against the rougher, scarred up expanse of his own, flashes across his mind before he shakes it away.

“You seem much more alert than you were yesterday,” he says, considering it a bonus when the boy jumps and scrambles to catch the towel before it falls off him completely.

Untitled SuperBat, new

Sometime over the months they’ve been doing this, it became fun.

It started as work. Just another necessary part of the tedium required to run a perfect world. Usually the best way to deal with a pest problem is eradication, with extreme prejudice. But when the pests are smarter than the average insect, the solution often calls for something more creative.

It’s easy to justify the state of the man swaying unsteadily from the crude chains that keep him off balance, toes barely scraping the floor. The big empty cell, nearly pitch black but for the sliver of chilly winter light from the single long, narrow window set stories above them, echoes every clink of metal and droplet of blood.

Untitled JayTim, new

Tim gets so caught up in things that he doesn’t pay attention to where he’s going and he suddenly looks around to find himself in Park Row. It’s busy for how late it is. Working girls and boys waving at the odd vehicle driving by at 3am are leered at by unsavory characters clinging to the shadows. Predators, pimps, or pickpockets, Tim is not at all equipped to handle even the smallest most unassuming of them.

He turns sharply on his heel to go back the way he came, clutching his camera close, and runs smack into a large man who has seemingly embraced the Creep 101 stereotype. Ratty Hawaiian shirt open, exposing a thick gold chain and a stained tank top that was maybe white at one time, baggy cargo pants slipping off his hips, hiked up with the hand holding a nearly depleted cigar. The man gives Tim a lascivious grin that makes his blood run cold even before the other hand drops, heavy and clammy, onto his shoulder.

“Well hey there, cutie pie,” the man coos at him, “What’s a pretty little thing like you doing out here at this ungodly hour?”

Frozen in terror, Tim’s brain stalls and he can’t remember what he’s supposed to do if a stranger tries to make him go somewhere.

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There are a few others but I’m on mobile and it sucks for formatting so this is all I feel like doing 😉

#BruJay #SladeDickJay #Thomas Wayne/Jason Todd #SuperBat #JayTim #sneak peek #writing woes

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lavenderblossom74 · 5 years

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Things Like

SUMMARY: Sometimes, Dick forgets how much he has to be grateful for and how lucky he is to have Bruce. But sometimes, he also remembers.

Rolling down memory lane yay! This is an old one-shot of mine, hope you all enjoy!

After five years of living with the man, Dick sometimes forgets how truly lucky he is to have Bruce.

It isn't that there are times when he stops being appreciative, because Dick will always—always—remember the man who had been there for him when no one else had.

It's just that sometimes, Dick forgets the little things. The little things that so often become so normal that eventually they’re easy to take for granted.

Things like Bruce helping with a school project.

The scene: One of the many living rooms in the manor, the floor is littered with paper, popsicle sticks, pipe cleaners, puffy balls and of course, glitter.

Beside Dick, paint containers are spread out before him. Bruce in all his artistic vision holds a paintbrush (he’s the only person Dick has ever met who can make a paintbrush look intimidating)

“So I’m painting the words “Kinetic Motion” in blue, right?” Bruce asks.

12 year old Dick nods enthusiastically “Yes! Aaand…” There's a theatrical dramatic pause “I’LL SPRINKLE THE GLITTER!”

Bruce gives him an exasperated look before muttering something under his breath. Catching something about “glitter” and “death wish” Dick just grins as Bruce begins to paint.

“You have a very steady hand you know” Dick observes.

“Mhm” Bruce answers automatically, most of his attention focused on the poster board in front of him.

As he finishes up, Dick—as promised—happily sprinkles glitter with more joy than even a fascinated two year old would have.

Bruce is just glad Alfred put covered the entire wooden floor with layers upon layers of plastic.

After writing down the definition of Kinetic Energy in a sparkly green pen, Dick begins the fun of the party.

His assignment is to make a model that represents Kinetic Energy. So he decides it's a good excuse as any to make a roller coaster.

A roller coaster made out of an assortment of pipe cleaners, colorful popsicle sticks, fluffy puffy balls, and a whole lot of glue.

The rest of the night goes something like this:

“You just glued my fingers. YOU JUST GLUED MY FINGERS!! I’M GONNA DIE, I’M GONNA DIE. WHAT IF THIS GLUE HAS LIKE, WEIRD CHEMICAL PROPERTIES AND I GET A WEIRD BACTERIA AND OH MY GOD, MY WHELMED FINGERS! THEY WERE TOO YOUNG TO BECOME OVERWHELMED!! WHY DEAR FINGERS, —WHY??”

*Amused look from source of great panic* “You done?”

*Dick stares at panic source incredulously* “Am I done? AM I DONE! I WILL SHOW YOU DONE—”

Bruce cuts him off by calmly unsticking Dick’s fingers.

*gape* “You couldn't have done that before I went ballistic?!”

*Stare*

“Pipe cleaners hate me. This is a fact.” This is what Dick says as he stubbornly gives an innocent pipe cleaner the death glare.

“Really?” Bruce wryly asks.

“YES!” His charge exclaims. “I mean, is it my fault the stupid first hill has to be high so that the ball we send down can gain energy from it so it can continue the rest of the way? Is it my fault roller coasters are biased against poor 8th graders? IS IT MY FAULT KINETIC ENERGY EXISTS AND I HAVE TO DO A PROJECT FOR IT?!” By the end of his rant, Dick is standing up.

As Bruce sticks a puffy ball onto a pipe cleaner, he retorts, “Yes. You chose the model, didn't you?”

Dick opens his mouth to retort, then he closes it. “Whatever” he grumbles but sits back down and continues working in his roller coaster.

Bruce just smirks.

“Long was the haggard night. One blue eyed pre-teen (cough official teen cough) works hard to finish the project assigned by his torturer—teacher—that is due tomorrow. He is ready to drop dead from exhaustion and his stomach clenches in painful hunger but he valiantly continues his work. He will not back down, he will not give up, he—”

“—would not be here if he hadn’t decided to leave everything to the last minute.”

Dick glares at Bruce who shrugs innocently, “It’s true”

“Don’t intrude upon my enthralling narrations!” Dick whines.

Enthralling … ?

At Bruce’s look, Dick pouts. “Don't Judge!!” In a quieter voice he mumbles, “You’re just jealous I can use bigger words than you”

*Another look* I heard that

Dick pouts again. “Whatever”

After what feels like eons, the adrenaline starts to fade. Dick knows his previous excitement and absolute optimism are on their deathbed.

And it’s because this stupid roller-coaster-project-thing was so annoying! And frustrating. And mean. And a bully. And uncooperative. And generally insufferable.

He’s done all the calculations and the model should be working—the ball they are rolling should be able to continue the entire way depending only on the initial push… But it isn't!

Every time he tries to make it work with the pipe cleaners, is only another time he fails and becomes even more frustrated.

The solution is simple—it has to be—But Dick’s brain has become a slushy and is so mushy that he can't see the answer.

He’s ready to throw in the towel, crash on his bed, and forget about this dumb project.

But then his grade suffers.

And so does Robin.

Even after knowing Dick left school work to the last minute, Bruce hasn't said anything about grounding Robin but if Dick doesn't pull this project off and proves he can handle both his duties, Dick knows he will say something then.

Suddenly, Bruce nudges him. Dick looks up to an unreadable face.

“Go to bed,” Bruce tells him

Dick’s eyes widen in panic. Because he knows what's going to happen next, Bruce is going to say that in the morning, they're going to “talk” about how Dick needs to be more responsible and how he needs to prioritize. Then he’s benching Robin.

Dick opens his mouth to say that No, he can finish his project and sure maybe he was a little irresponsible but he’d done the actual research beforehand and honestly hadn't thought making the roller coaster model would've taken so long. It wasn't like he’d decided to be sleep deprived and frustrated on purpose!

Before he can anything in though, Bruce repeats himself. “Go to bed, chum”

Then he says, “I’m going out for a couple of hours; When I get back, I'll wake you so you can finish up and actually comprehend what you're doing.” Bruce stares at the roller coaster pointedly, “For now, just get some sleep.”

And so Dick sleeps. 3 hours later, Bruce—as promised—wakes him up and helps Dick finish up the roller coaster.

Dick had been right before—the solution had been indeed very simple.

Then, Dick heads to school and turns his project in.

Bruce doesn't mention anything about it afterwards nor does he give any reason to imply Robin is grounded.

Dick makes an effort to be more responsible with his school work from then on though.

It isn't until two months later that he finds out that the day Bruce helped him on his project was also the day he’d been awake for more than 24 hours already.

He also finds out that despite having two important board meetings that morning, Bruce had still kept his promise about waking him up and helping Dick finish the project.

---

Things like Bruce letting Dick rant about anything and everything.

Age: 10

Rant Topic: Spicy Foods

“It makes no sense! How come that food is so spicy, how come it makes your mouth feel like it's living fire, how come it makes your ears burn and feel hot n’ cold, how come it’s so hot, if it gonna be so good?! With the hint of lemon and the flavor it leaves in your mouth… Mmmm!” *Dick smiles to himself like a sap before snapping out of it* “... Exactly my point!! Why does spicy food enjoy torturing a kid like me?? I mean did I ever do anything against it? Who was the brilliant person who thought it would be an awesome idea to add hot spices to food anyway?!”

Bruce: “Do you need more water?”

Age: 11

Rant topic: The English Language

“In my humble opinion, English is a dumb language.” *as he rakes his fingers down his face* “I mean why are there so many rules?! Silent E, if it's beside a verb you say it's name, i before e except after c, ph makes a fffff sound… So complicated!! And half of them don’t follow their own rules half the time!! Toe-may-toe, Toe-ma-toe… Same thing!!”

Bruce: *shrug* “That’s why you learn other languages”

Age: 13

Rant Topic: Exams

“I’m done… Mark my words Bruce—are you marking them? I. Am. Done. DonedonedonedonedoneDONE!! My brain cells feel non existent right now… I am stressed beyond relief and I'm still nowhere near done with all these exams! It is impossible to retain all this information!! Who cares about random math dudes who found the formulas to life changing equations or the dates of every major event in history?! We aren't gonna need the info in life so why bother? Why does a test have to define you as a person anyway?”

Bruce: *in his most insightful voice* “It doesn't”

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Things like sitting at the counter and simply eating along with Dick. An apple, a pear, a banana, a kiwi, baby carrots, a ripe tomato… no matter the fruit, the vegetable—just knowing that he wasn't alone… Sometimes that was enough.

Some of his funniest memories had actually happened at the counter.

Some of his saddest memories had happened at the counter too.

Some of the moments that didn't stand out, that weren't spectacular, that were just there—they'd happened at the counter too.

---

Things like playing a game of basketball with him.

Things like hiding junk food behind Alfred’s back (but at the same time not really since Dick suspected no one—not even the World's Greatest Detective—could hide anything from Alfred).

Things like taking Dick out when it snowed and helping him build a snow fort.

Things like quizzing Dick for his next Mathlete Competition.

Things like hearing about how Dick’s day went practically everyday and never complaining about it.

Things like everyday things.

Things that when Dick stands back and looks at his life—actually really looks at it—he realizes that he should not take for granted.

Things that make him understand how much luck he has in his life. Even after all the tragedy he has gone through, luck somehow found it’s way to stay.

Luck or Hope.

Knowing that there are still people in this world who care for him, knowing that a man he has learned to love and look up to cares for him so much that the care eventually feels normal…

Somehow, that feels like so much more than just luck.

---

When Dick silently enters Bruce’s study, the man looks up.

When Dick whispers, “Thank you,” Bruce blinks in confusion.

When Dick says, “Thank you for everything,” Bruce’s eyes slowly comprehend the meaning behind the words. And he smiles.

#bruce wayne #bruce wayne is a good dad #dick grayson #batman #robin #batman and robin #daddy!bats #Dick being thankful for Bruce #fanfic #LB writes

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atomicstrawbrys · 6 years

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Howling at the Moon

This fic is a gift for @ask-werewolf-usuk ! The events in this story aren’t canon in the flow of their blog, but the characters are the same. Usuk. //

Arthur had always considered himself an adaptive young man. Whatever situation or problem came his way, he was usually able to find a solution. Or, he would muster up the resolve to grin and bear it. It was a trait he considered admirable, and it was, perhaps, one of his only redeeming traits as a person and as an omega.

So, after months on the road with his friend-slash-driver-slash-boyfriend, he felt like he was ready for anything that Alfred could spring on him.

But then he’d discovered that his boyfriend was a werewolf.

Of course, he didn’t believe it at first, but, when someone morphs into a gigantic wolf creature in front of your very eyes, it tends to be rather convincing. Alfred wasn’t at all bloodthirsty or out of control either, so it didn’t bother him too much. Of course, the altered appearance was something to get used to. But by now, he’d gone through a few cycles with Alfred, and the animal-like form was more or less normal by this point.

Still, though, there were some...aspects of Alfred being part wolf that Arthur had a hard time understanding. Howling at the moon, for example, seemed rather pointless. It wasn’t as if the moon was going to go anywhere if Alfred stopped yelling at it. Even in his human form, Alfred would sometimes just gaze up at the moon and hum or whistle. The compulsion never quite left him.

One night, in particular, Alfred seemed more interested in the moon than coming to bed and getting some sleep. After almost an hour of tossing and turning, Arthur sighed, and got up, wrapping his blanket around his shoulders. He went outside, and sat down in the grass beside Alfred, looking up at him and leaning on his side.

“It’s getting late..” Arthur mumbled, holding Alfred’s hand and squeezing it. He took a deep breath, taking in Alfred’s familiar scent and letting himself relax a little.

“I know, babe, I know, it’s...I don’t know. I don’t wanna go inside.” Alfred frowned, looking up at the moon, which was nearing its full phase. “I’ll come in if you want-”

“No. That’s okay. We’ll stay here for a bit.” Arthur gave him a faint smile, squeezing his hand. Alfred had been so careful about his wolfish tendencies in the beginning. He was only now starting to let go and show Arthur who he was. Arthur would never take that from him. Arthur promised himself that he would never make Alfred feel unnatural, or feel like a monster. If Alfred needed to sit out here for a while, then they would sit.

Alfred seemed relieved. He laid back in the grass and pulled Arthur on top of him, wrapping his arms around his waist. “You don’t gotta stay, you know. I know that things haven’t always been good for you- but, but you’re really special, Arthur. I’m not the only Alpha in the world for ya.” Alfred’s brow creased, and he sighed. “I’ll take ya wherever ya wanna go.

“Well. I must say, Alfred, It’s rather bold of you to assume that I’d like to go anywhere. As far as I’m concerned, you are the only Alpha for me, and don’t you forget it.” Arthur smiled, rolling his eyes as he pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I wouldn’t still be here if I was unhappy, Alfred. I assure you, this is exactly where I want to be.”

Alfred was quiet, for a little while, then nodded and started humming again. His gaze returned to the moon above them. But, he didn’t forget Arthur was there. Even as his gaze remained fixated elsewhere, he kept his arms around Arthur, rubbing his back in slow circles. As Arthur’s scent sweetened, Alfred’s lip quirked into a half-smile.

“You’re real good to me, Arthur, you know that? I know all this is weird for ya.”

Arthur laughed, then, soft and breathy. “Honey, at this point, I’m used to it. You could chase cars and play fetch and it wouldn’t surprise me.” He paused, for a moment. “Does it hurt? Turning?”

Alfred shook his head. “Nah, it doesn’t hurt unless you fight it. Why? You worried about me?” He gave Arthur a lopsided grin.

“No..Well, I mean, I was, but, um..” Arthur rubbed his neck, the tips of his ears reddening. “Would you turn me? If I asked you to?” He cleared his throat.

Alfred’s eyes widened, and he shot up, pulling Arthur close. “Artie- you don’t, you don’t want this. You don’t want to be this.” He gestured to himself.

Arthur furrowed his brow. “If I was absolutely sure that this was what I wanted, would you do it?”

Alfred sighed. He seemed ashamed of his answer, but he replied honestly anyway. “Yeah. Yeah, I would. I’d turn you. And I’d probably be happy about it, too.” He rubbed his arm. “I’m sorry. I should have more self-control than that-”

“Nonsense. Your self-control is fine. I know you wouldn’t do it unless I asked.” Arthur replied, nodding his head resolutely. “Well. That’s what I want. So. I guess we wait for the next cycle.”

Alfred sighed, and let himself fall back on the grass, looking up at the moon and breathing deep. “I..wow. Wow. Um. Geez, Arthur, have I ever told you how much I love ya?”

Arthur chuckled. “Many times.” he flopped down beside his Alpha, curling up to him as he shifted his gaze to the sky. “So...does this mean I’m going to be out here too, humming and screaming up at the moon for no reason?”

He grinned as Alfred laughed at that, and shrugged his shoulders. “I dunno, maybe? We’ll have to see.”

The two of them fell into comfortable silence, though Alfred continued his humming. Arthur listened to it, finding the habit more endearing than ever as he fell asleep.

#usuk #ukus #hetalia #aph #APH America #APH England #arthur kirkland #alfred f jones

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ramajmedia · 5 years

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Alfred Hitchcock Presents: 5 Best & 5 Worst Episodes, According To IMDb

Good Evening. Besides Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone, there was one other profoundly clever anthology hit starring a charismatic host. The Master of Suspense himself, Alfred Hitchcock decided to bring his wry, dark humor to television. However, the stories themselves were generally pretty stark, frequently dealing in murder, suicide, rape, and other crimes. They were small slices of sharply written suspense, rather than Serling’s sci-fi meditations on morality.

RELATED: The 10 Most Bingeworthy Anthology TV Series, Ranked

Although, they did incorporate a witty sense of irony, great performances, and clever twists. Hitchcock only directed a handful, and didn’t write his own material. But he consistently provided charming intros and outros, accompanied by an iconic theme song and brilliant comedy. Here’s how fans rated the highs and lows of this 50’s thriller anthology.

10 Worst: Sylvia - 6.4

In this episode, a rich father worries that his daughter Sylvia may commit suicide after purchasing a gun. However, she has threatened to kill her ex-husband Peter if he doesn’t take her back. It’s basically a narrative game of Russian Roulette, wondering who will end up dead after all.

Unfortunately, there’s an obvious issue with the casting, which is very distracting. The father and daughter are too close in age, and the latter has a totally different accent. It’s quite strange. The story itself is ultimately somewhat rote, and worse, moves like molasses. Also, the weaker performances simply aren’t up to the task of carrying essentially unsympathetic characters.

9 Best: Man With A Problem - 8.4

This is a story about a man on a ledge, and the skilled officer aiming to help him down. But the backstory slowly weaves an intriguing tapestry of secret truths behind the encounter. It achieves superb suspense by gradually revealing the mystery of the motivations piece by piece.

The episode boasts some deft direction, and compelling performances. The actual premise of the story results in a very clever and rewarding twist. But the episode works throughout because the false pretense is just as engaging as the hidden reality. It’s pure Hitchcock, making it clear why he eventually entrusted Psycho to his television team.

8 Worst: O Youth And Beauty! - 6.3

In this episode, a middle-aged former athlete struggles with drinking and depression at his local Country Club. The performances are pretty impressive throughout, and Gary Merrill actually conjures some degree of sympathy for his protagonist. Of course, it’s ridiculous that the character’s name is literally “Cash.”

RELATED: 10 Best Horror Anthologies

That is shamelessly on the nose. And overall, the story is somewhat of a chore, with all that self-pity. The man has more money than some, a wife, and a child. This story is merely a lesson—Cash pays dearly for attempting to relive the old days. It’s a slow, dreary episode that just doesn’t generate the typical intrigue.

7 Best: Road Hog - 8.5

Once again, we revisit a well-motivated, sympathetic and clever plan of revenge. The episode begins with a mean-spirited salesman, which is actually an odd conceit. How would he make a living? Either way, he doesn’t much care for people passing him on the road.

The salesman delays a truck behind him, resulting in the death of an injured child. This catalyst serves up some fantastic intrigue, and when revenge is served well, it’s guiltily satisfying. This episode digs into the darkest impulses of humanity, regarding selfishness, grief and cruelty. It almost feels like an urban legend—carried by gifted actors, and great pacing.

6 Worst: The Hidden Thing - 6.1

This is quite a weaker entry, which is a shame, because the striking premise had enormous potential. In this episode, a man’s fiancée is randomly killed by a hit-and-run. The protagonist, Dana, is unable to recall any identifying information of the culprit. He’s ridden with guilt, until a complete stranger pesters Dana with promises of a memory recall solution.

It’s a brilliant premise, but the acting doesn’t support it. And even worse, the ending offers no resolution regarding the stranger, which is very strange. Usually, this show deliberately goes out of its way to summon a clever, unexpected answer. Sadly, the satisfaction of mysteries is defined by their solutions.

5 Best: The Glass Eye - 8.5

Jessica Tandy is probably best known for Driving Miss Daisy. But she also collaborated with Hitchcock in one of his most iconic films, The Birds. And before that, she delivered an absolutely stellar performance in this stunning episode, as a lonely old spinster. She pines for a traveling ventriloquist, but all is not as it seems.

RELATED: 10 Best Netflix Original Horror TV Shows

It’s a considerably poignant lesson about isolation, which older people can be no stranger to. But the episode also has an aura of tense, supernatural mystery about it. The story manipulates your familiarity with horror to subvert expectations. And at the same time, the tragic twist also warns how desperation and fantasy can lead to harmful, regretful ends.

4 Worst: Appointment At Eleven - 5.9

This dull episode is about a young man suffering an emotional breakdown at a couple bars. The promise is that something terrible will happen at eleven o’ clock, but the twist isn’t rewarding enough. There’s no sense of mystery, and the protagonist just doesn’t deliver a strong enough performance to carry consistent outbursts.

Such behavior can really get out of hand among lesser actors, and so it does. All of the actions are nonsensical until the big reveal. Per Hitchcock himself, the best suspense is generated when the audience knows more than the characters. Perhaps if we were informed, rather than leaving the end a mystery, the story would have played better.

3 Best: Man From The South - 8.7

This episode is headlined by two exceedingly iconic actors—Steve McQueen and Peter Lorre. The latter was actually in Hitchcock’s original The Man Who Knew Too Much. Both actors deliver convincing, engaging performances. McQueen’s character hits it off with a woman at a casino, played by his real-life wife.

RELATED: American Horror Story: 10 Biggest Twists & Reveals, Ranked

Their chemistry is correspondingly organic. Then, Peter Lorre does his “thing”, making an unsettling gamble—a convertible for a finger. All McQueen has to do is light his cigarette lighter ten times straight. The stakes are pretty high, and Lorre preys on the victim’s attempts to impress his new girl. It’s a simple premise, but appropriately morbid, suspenseful, and well-performed.

2 Worst: The Children Of Alda Nuova - 5.8

This episode was set in Italy, which was a strange decision. The show clearly didn’t have the budget for it, with unconvincing sets and actors. In this episode, a wanted criminal takes refuge in a small Italian city and meets his comeuppance. Consequently, the protagonist is totally unlikeable throughout, and we end up urgently waiting for his demise.

That doesn’t create any form of suspense since we need to be invested for that element. The signature twist is absent, as well, which is equally disappointing. The episode simply plods through, as if disinterested in its own story.

1 Best: The Right Kind Of House - 8.7

Interestingly enough, the highest-rated episode of the show is hinged on a mystery. Why does an old house-owner ask such an unreasonable price for her home? When someone is finally willing to pay up, the dark history of the residence is gradually revealed. Given that a murder occurred there, over a great sum of stolen money, the twist is somewhat telegraphed.

However, it also allows us to comprehend the chess match the main characters are playing with each other. The episode moves quickly, and the cast is fantastic. It essentially encapsulates everything desired of the show—crime, wicked people, revenge, deceit, and stellar acting. Not to mention, Hitchcock’s monologues are brilliant, as usual.

NEXT: The 10 Best Historical Cameos In Once Upon A Time… In Hollywood

source https://screenrant.com/alfred-hitchcock-presents-best-worst-episodes-imdb/

#screenrant

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ask-pastelkiller · 7 years

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6!!! toothache

Warning--Contains graphic gore. Like, really. What the heck

Oliver’s hips swayed as his hands gently pushed large utensils aside. His delicate fingers searched through the drawer, pausing only as he found an assortment of wooden skewers. He often made fruit kebabs with them, and he had been toying with the idea of trying to use ice cream instead. Today, though, the skewers would serve a different purpose. He stepped away from the drawer for a moment, slipping the handful of skewers into the pocket on the front of his apron. It was frilly around the edges, and although red wasn’t his best colour, he quite liked the polkadotted apron. He danced around the kitchen, moving from drawer to drawer, cupboard to cupboard as he filled his apron pocket with tools. A lovely collection of knives of all sorts, a cheese grater, a corkscrew, and a vegetable peeler was among the supplies.

He cast one last look around the kitchen, then nodded in satisfaction once he was sure he had everything he would need. Stopping only to grab a strawberry from the fridge, he walked down the hallway, stopping at the door at the very end. He popped the berry into his mouth, humming as the sweet juices flooded his mouth. Fresh fruit was always so much better than fruit bought at a store. He reached into the collar of his shirt and pulled out a necklace. Using the key dangling from it, he unlocked the door, then slipped the necklace back under his shirt.

He turned the knob and stepped inside, making sure to close and lock the door behind him. He turned around and began his trek down the stairs, his shoes clicking against each cement step on the long way down. It was pitch black, but he was familiar enough with his basement to know his way around. He stepped off the last stair, the clinking of tools within his apron silencing at the same time his steps did.

“Hello~?” He called, his voice soft, dreamy. He walked over to the middle of the room and reached up, standing on his tip toes to turn on the pull-cord light switch. As he pulled it down, light flooded the basement, and he dropped down to his normal height. “Hello, Mr. Jones. How are you feeling?” He asked, meeting the terrified gaze of the man before him.

Tied to a chair was a young man. He didn’t look a day over twenty, but his eyes shone with experience that only a lifetime would bring. Now, though? Those baby blues were flooding with complete and utter terror. Blond hair draped in front of a face that would be beautiful, if it weren’t for those tear stained cheeks.

“Hmm? Not one for talking? That’s alright, dear. I mean, it would be,” he stepped closer, a hand moving to brush away the tears from the Nation’s cheeks. “but, you see, I did ask you a question. And as surprising as you may find it, a question does require an answer. So, I’ll repeat myself.” Oliver raised an eyebrow a centimeter, pausing to allow the boy to process his words. “How are you feeling?”

There was a moment of silence, save for the quiet teeth chattering of a voiceless stammer. Oliver jerked forward slightly, a sudden movement that yanked the words from the boy’s lips.

“Bad! B-b-bad! I-I don’t know--I d-don’t know why I-I’m--Who--Who are y-you?”

Oliver clicked his tongue in disapproval. “My my, you stammer worse than your brother. What was his name? Matt...Matthew, wasn’t it?” He saw the boy’s terrified gaze flash as the name was spoken, he saw the muscles tense and jerk under the ropes. He chuckled, raising a hand and gently brushing the hair from the young man’s wet face. “Shh, shh, it’s alright, I didn’t touch your brother, he is perfectly safe.” His hand moved, slipping in the pocket of his apron. It was at that moment that the younger Nation seemed to notice the absolute absurdity of Oliver’s appearance. A frilly red and white baking apron, pink hair, butter yellow sleeves poking out from the sides of the apron, and a pocketful of--Oliver saw the man’s eyes narrow.

“Ah, nothing to worry about, just some tools of the trade.” He assured the Nation, moving his fingers and making his pocket jingle. “Now, I’m sure you have questions, and I definitely have answers. But....” He glanced around the near empty basement, sighing in a manner that was perhaps more dramatic than necessary. “I do get bored. So why don’t we play a game?”

The man’s eyes followed his movements closely, gaze snapping from one hand to the other as Oliver moved them.

“We take turns. When it’s your turn, you can ask a question. When it’s mine, I have a bit of fun. Deal?” He held a hand out in front of him, but when it wasn’t shaken, he giggled. “Oh, whoops! Forgot that you were tied up. Anyways! Question one, go for it.”

The man seemed hesitant, only speaking after Oliver nodded encouragingly. “Where...Where am I?” His voice broke for a moment, but he cleared his throat and continued speaking. “Who are you?”

Oliver held up a hand, shaking his head. “No no, Alfred, only one question per turn,. You are at my home, in my basement. Now, my turn!” He smiled and dug around in his pocket. After a moment, he pulled out his chosen item. The young man in front of him tensed, eyes widening. He didn’t even have enough time to speak before a knife was deeply embedded in his thigh. Oliver’s hands went to his ears.

The light bulb shook as the scream tore through the basement, lasting for a good ten seconds before breaking into gasping sobs. Oliver waited for a moment before taking his hands off of his ears. “Good job! You did so good. Now, what is your next question?”

Alfred shook in his chair, trembling terribly against his ropes. Blood seeped from his thigh, pooling around the inch of so of seat that was available before dripping onto the ground. He gasped between breaths, eyes squeezed almost as tightly as his jaw.

“Any questions? No? Alright, my turn.”

Alfred snapped upwards, back straightening as he all but screamed out “NO!”

Oliver paused. “Alright. A question, then?”

“Okay, o-okay, p-please just--” He took in a deep, shaky breath. “U-uh, okay I--W-why are--No no, I--Y-yeah, why are y-you doing this?”

“It’s simple, really. I was bored, and I’ve noticed that your lovely little Arthur has been paying quite a bit of attention to you. So the solution is...This!” While watching his silly little First Player, he had seen that Arthur had been spending more time than usual with this flaxen haired beauty, and Oliver had found himself hating that attractive, flashing smile.

“My turn! I got the initial cut finished, so now onto the fun part~” He fished in his apron pocket for a moment, and then pulled out one of his favourite tools. Pliers. “Open up, honey~ Ah, wait, no, you won’t stay open for me..Here, let me just....” Oliver frowned slightly as he searched for something useful. Ah! He pulled out a butter knife. A few tries with the pliers, and the butter knife snapped in half. He grabbed the blade portion, and reached over to Alfred’s face.

Alfred, at the moment, was shaking fiercely, and he shook his head in refusal the closer Oliver’s hand came to his mouth. “NO! NO PLEASE--PLEASE DON’T--P-P-PLEASE!”

Oliver gave him an annoyed look, but didn’t obey. He put his hands in Alfred’s mouth as he screamed, and before the younger Nation could clamp down on his fingers, Oliver shoved the blade of the butter knife in his mouth. He pulled his fingers out just in time for Alfred to try and bite down.

The top of the blade sliced into his tongue, and the base of the blade dug deep into the roof of his mouth. Oliver reveled in the blood choked screams that echoed against the walls. “Perfect! Now hold still.” It wasn’t as if Jones had any choice in the matter. Oliver adjusted his grip on the pliers, and then moved to clamp down on one of Alfred’s front, upper teeth. He heard the crunch as the metal of the pliers ground against the tooth. Without any warning. Oliver pulled. The tooth came out with a rip and a pop, and another scream tore from Alfred’s blood filled throat. Oliver stuck out his tongue and dropped the tooth onto it. He slurped it into his mouth, humming happily as he sucked on the tooth. It tasted metallic and faintly minty, and the flesh still attached to the tooth got caught between Oliver’s own teeth. He giggled.

“Got a question?”

“Ghhgr--”

“Ah, none? Alright, my turn.” He clamped down on another tooth. With a rip and a pop, it was out. He spat out the old tooth, and put the new one in his mouth. Alfred, who had finally managed to open his eyes and focus on him, looked to be nauseated.

“Question?”

“Kchhll--”

“My turn~!” Another tooth came out. It continued for ten more minutes. Oliver would ask to hear a question, he would get a choked gurgle in response, and then he would pull out a tooth and suck on it. As ten minutes turned into eleven, Oliver spat out the very last tooth into his hand. A molar. He turned it over in his hand, examining it. “Well well well, look at that!” He held it up to show Alfred. “You have a cavity! If I looked around at the other teeth, I’m sure you would have more. Well, you don’t have to deal with them anymore.”

Alfred’s head lolled forward, blood oozed from his mangled mouth without being held back. The butter knife blade had been embedded far deeper than it had originally been, due to the constant attempts at closing his mouth during the onslaught of pain.

Oliver sighed, pulling out a smooth bladed knife from his pocket. He walked behind Alfred, setting the blade against his neck, just below his ear. “You should be thanking me. You don’t have to deal with any more toothaches. Goodbye, Alfred Jones.” He pulled the knife across America’s neck, grinning as blood began to gush.

#honestly dude i just really needed to write #and gore is always a comfort to me #sorry dude for the graphicness #also sorry for the length omg #writing #Anonymous

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aaliyahhill · 4 years

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Ejaculation By Command Comparison Incredible Cool Tips

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How Much Tramadol For Premature Ejaculation

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avilalily94 · 4 years

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Which Of The Following Is A True Statement About Premature Ejaculation Wonderful Cool Ideas

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25 Hilarious Batman vs. Iron Man Memes

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25 Hilarious Batman vs. Iron Man Memes

by Justin O’Hanley

– on May 27, 2018

in Lists

That MCU/DCEU crossover is coming for us all. It seems like an insane idea right now, but flash forward to 2035 where, in the wake of a disastrous box office performance for Rocket Racer 2: The Return of Big Wheel, Marvel is going to have some serious soul searching to do. And an event level Batman v. Iron Man movie is going to wind up looking like the best way to recapture those 2018 glory days. There’ll be logistics and legal mumbo jumbo to work out, but there’ll also be a lot of money to be made, so the studios will find a way.

Batman going toe to toe with Iron Man on the big screen is a long way off, but we have excellent news; you can get a little preview of what that confrontation might look like with this collection of memes. And it’s surprisingly easy to imagine – Batman and Iron Man are in many ways opposite sides of the same coin, they were both born into wealth but it’s easy to imagine how their personalities would clash. Maybe they’d have a playful rivalry, maybe the conflict between them would be more serious, and either way there’s already lot of fanart. Many of these were found on DeviantArt and if you like what you see there’s plenty more where that came from, so be sure to check all of these artists out! With that in mind, here are 25 Hilarious Batman vs. Iron Man Memes.

25 Gadgets

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“Where does he get those wonderful toys?” There were generations of moviegoers who assumed that Alfred was the one designing all the Bat-Gadgets. But 2005’s Batman Begins brought Lucius Fox to the big screen and suddenly the idea of Batman became a lot more logical to audiences. Not that we doubt Batman’s technical expertise – he was able to fix the Batwing autopilot just in time for the climax of The Dark Knight Rises, but there just aren’t enough hours in a day for him to personally manufacture every single batarang. Knowing he has a secret R&D department at work for him makes a lot of sense.

Tony Stark on the other hand is a true Renaissance Man, we all saw what he was able to do in a cave with a box of scraps, after all. Which makes the idea of him cribbing off of Batman’s work in the above fanart even funnier. There’s no need for him to rip off the Batwing design, he seems to be cheating just for the sport of it. Batman, despite being drawn in the style of Frank Miller’s fearsome interpretation of the character in The Dark Knight Returns, appears helpless to do anything about it.

In what will become a recurring theme in many of these memes, Spider-Man is in the background, quietly keeping his head down like a kid whose parents are arguing again.

24 Casting

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Even though there are those of us who recall Robert Hays with a certain fondness, as far as audiences are concerned there’s only been one Iron Man. Iron Man is synonymous with Tony Stark, and Tony Stark is synonymous with Robert Downey Jr. The whole Marvel Cinematic Universe arguably wouldn’t have gotten off the ground if not for that single instance of perfect casting.

So with that in mind, we think Iron Man is being a bit passive aggressive in this piece of fanart. Sure, he’s acting like a supportive friend, trying to keep Batman’s spirits up in the wake of 2013’s controversial casting of Ben Affleck. But what better way to twist the knife than to remind him of all the many miscast Batmen we’ve seen over the years?

George Clooney couldn’t pull it off, but the star of Jersey Girl and Surviving Christmas is going to do just fine, Iron Man seems to be implying.

The drawing is from 2013 and it’s prescient enough to raise the spectre of a Ben Affleck directed Batman movie. There are many who feel Affleck fared well in the role even if they had problems with Batman v. Superman and Justice League, but the idea of him pulling double duty behind the camera is very exciting as well. We’re still pretty bummed it’s not happening.

23 Breakout Year

Technically the superhero movie craze has been happening since the start of the millennium, it just took them a while to get organized. If we may, we direct your attention to 2007’s crop of comic book films; Spider-Man 3, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, and Ghost Rider. Yeah. Hard to imagine, but back in 2008, The Avengers was still just a gleam in Kevin Feige’s eye and based on the Marvel movies that had come out one year earlier, audiences didn’t have much reason to expect Iron Man to be anything special.

X-Men had fans, Spider-Man 1 and 2 had fans, we’re going to meet the guy who liked Hulk any day now, but Batman Begins at that point was the most “respectable” comic book film of the 21st century. We could use it as a means to symbolically take Iron Man down a peg. This meme has been floating around the Internet for several years now and while we can’t trace it all the way back to 2008, it wouldn’t surprise us to discover that some huge Batman fan was taking a shot at Iron Man without knowing what he would lead to. Probably all in good fun, though the image has been re-appropriated as a bit of “Take that” at the MCU.

22 Fears

Each of the three Christopher Nolan movies were built around a central theme and all three gave Batman a villain to fight who was the embodiment of that theme. Bane was the embodiment of despair in The Dark Knight Rises. The Joker was the embodiment of madness in The Dark Knight. And of course, Scarecrow, under the control of the League of Shadows, was the embodiment of fear in Batman Begins. From beginning to end, Batman Begins was an exploration of fear as much as it was an origin story. Bruce used what he was most afraid of to become Batman and the League literally tried to weaponize fear against the general population.

Iron Man 3 didn’t try for as much depth, but it did give us a Tony Stark who was dealing with post traumatic stress disorder after the invasion of New York. The glimpse he had of what was out there beyond our planet continued to resonate into Age of Ultron and Civil War, as he became obsessed with building more powerful weapons in order to ensure that Earth would never again be caught off guard. And given what Thanos was able to do in Infinity War, it seems as though his worst fears have finally come to pass.

The artist’s idea that Iron Man fears portals to an alien world while Batman is scared of fruit bats might be a little flippant, but it rings hilariously true.

21 Crossover Movies

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It did seem as though DC was eager to get its own big superhero crossover off the ground, but they may have jumped the gun. Justice League’s entire worldwide gross was exceeded by the opening week box office of Infinity War. And the thing of it is, it didn’t need to be that way. A few more successful solo films like Wonder Woman and audiences would have flocked to Justice League.

Batman emerged from JL unscathed, as Batman is known to do. But what if he got fed up with the DCEU and tried to join The Avengers?

We love this little piece of fanart, as the child versions of The Avengers are absolutely in keeping with the characters we’ve gotten to know over the course of these many movies. Especially note Hawkeye’s suction cup bow and arrow, Black Widow as the token tomboy who’s a bit apart from all the boys, and Iron Man splayed out as the mischievous alpha male of the club. If he spoke, he’d sound like T.J. from Recess. Their personalities just leap out of the picture, and we would watch that show.

The Kid Avengers are probably right not to let Batman into their treehouse. They’re a less tortured group and how much fun would they really have with Batman around?

20 Plotholes

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The third act of The Avengers set a new benchmark for superhero movie mayhem. Fans returned to the theatre over and over to see Hulk swing Loki around like a rag doll or Iron Man’s full body enema takedown of the Chitauri, or Hawkeye’s… we’re just kidding no one was there for Hawkeye. But the more viewings we went to, the more we had to gently bat away some small gaps in logic. The assault on New York City could have been prevented before it even got started and, in this meme, Bruce is on hand to point out a particularly simple solution. True, Stellan Skarsgård was on the roof with the Tesseract, but if you want to prevent an alien invasion you have to break a few of Stellan Skarsgård’s bones. Eggs, we meant to say.

However, Stark could turn it around and ask Batman why after he rescued Rachel he didn’t just grapple back up to that fundraiser The Joker crashed and nab him. Or why no one in Gotham City puts it together that Batman also disappears any time Bruce Wayne leaves town or becomes a hermit.

We’re not saying turn your brains off, but superhero movies attract a small subset of fans who would rather be pedantic than let themselves get immersed in an experience. If you spot a plothole on your fourth viewing, that doesn’t invalidate the three times you enjoyed the movie before. It just means there’s some skillful storytelling at work that prevented you from seeing it before.

19 Privilege

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The key difference between Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark is that Stark actually was the playboy that Bruce Wayne was pretending to be in The Dark Knight Trilogy. They were both born in positions of extreme privilege and wealth. Both had idealized, sheltered lives growing up, before they were forcibly pushed outside their bubble and got a brutal taste of the world as it actually is. Both dealt with their pain in unhealthy ways.

Bruce was orphaned as a child, while Tony lost his parents when he was a young adult. Bruce appears to have internalized his grief and as an adult was driven to dress up as Batman and go out to fight crime as a means of therapy. Tony submerged his grief and lived a reckless, carefree life until he got kidnapped and saw the impact Stark Industries was really having. So he decided to use his wealth to try and positively impact the world.

Two different billionaires with somewhat similar early lives, both fighting for different, but equally compelling reasons. But at the end of the day, it’s still nice having a lot of money, so it’s nice to see that, according to the image above, they don’t take it for granted.

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18 Vs. Movies

This is the first and last time in this article that we’re going to come to the defense of Zach Snyder’s Batman v. Superman, so here goes – too much was made out of the “Martha” moment. Without having seen the movie, you’d assume Batman and Superman literally decided to become friends after finding out their mother had the same name. But there was a solid enough in-story reason for Superman to bring up Martha (though him saying “My mother…” would have made more sense), hearing it gave Batman pause for a moment, and the two stopped fighting long enough to realize the bigger story.

And if you can tell us what that story was, you’re a few steps ahead of us. Jesse Eisenberg was in there, so something to do with Facebook, maybe. Wait, he was playing Lex Luthor? That can’t be right…

Bruce and Tony didn’t fight head to head, but if you look at these movies as a proxy battle, it’s another victory for Iron Man.

Civil War, released in theatres soon after BvS, fared a lot better critically. It had just as many characters, but the groundwork had been laid a lot more carefully. We knew who almost all of the heroes were and there was a great deal more emotional investment when we saw all of them clash dramatically in the third act. Snyder knows how to bring an interesting aesthetic to his films, but the storytelling in Civil War was a lot more skillful.

17 Shared Competition

There’s something bittersweet about aging icons who start to become eclipsed by a new generation. T’Challa, a.k.a. Black Panther, has been around since 1966. However, MCU-only audiences first met him in 2016’s Captain America: Civil War, then saw him explode onto the landscape in this year’s Black Panther. Batman and Iron Man have years of iconography and that’s hard to beat, but there’s something impressive about seeing the flashy new kid command an audience right out of the gate. Moreover, you can’t really say that Batman or Iron Man have ever appeared in a film that could be classified as a cultural phenomenon in the way that Black Panther was.

As pointed out in the image above, Black Panther’s vibranium suit is suited to both stealth and combat. Plus any team with Letitia Wright’s Shuri on it has an automatic advantage. Wakanda has taken steps towards sharing their technology with the world and Tony is likely to take full advantage of it, but he’s got a learning curve ahead of him. T’Challa has been using vibranium all his life.

Of course, everyone who saw Infinity War knows that Tony Stark has one very distinct advantage over T’Challa right now. But we’ll see where things stand this time next year…

16 Music Video Parodies

Maybe we’ve been trying to generate conflict where conflict doesn’t exist. Who’s to say that Batman and Iron Man would fight? Just because they’re two big personalities, it doesn’t mean they wouldn’t be friends. For all we know, they’d get along like Kanye and Jay-Z in “Otis.” This possibility has already occurred to artist Marco d’Alfonso over at DeviantArt, who’s created a shot-for-shot recreation of the Spike Jonze directed music video.

Jay-Z and Kayne West are long time friends and their 2011 collaboration was met with huge critical acclaim. Sadly, some tension exists between them right now, but Jay-Z maintains that there is genuine love between the two men and indeed their friendship, as well as the easy way they play off each other and trade verses back and forth in “Otis,” is evident for the world to see.

Whatever sort of first impression Batman and Iron Man would make on each other, maybe they’d quickly put it aside if they shared some sort of common, Jesse Eisenberg type enemy (we’re still having trouble with that one). We don’t expect them to appear in a music video together, but thanks to Marco’s excellent drawing, we have no trouble imagining it.

15 Shared Cast Members

In the summer of 2008, Iron Man and The Dark Knight were the two seminal films that kicked off our current era of comic book films. If you were a character actor that year you had two goals; keep it on the D.L. if you appeared in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and see if you could book parts in one or both of the year’s biggest superhero movies.

Joshua Harto played a nondescript role called “CAOC Analyst” in Iron Man, but showed up in the far more substantial part of Coleman Reese in The Dark Knight. This guy was deducing Batman’s secret identity when Joseph Gordon Levitt was still in diapers and when he threatened to reveal it on TV, he wound up in The Joker’s crosshairs. If someone doesn’t end Coleman Reese in one hour, I’ll blow up a hospital, promised The Joker.

Coleman Reese was the Ryan Chappelle of the Nolanverse, and his open ending combined with him knowing Bruce’s secret intrigued the fans. We noted his name. Coleman Reese. Mister Reese. Mysteries? Mysteries like riddles? As it turned out, The Dark Knight was the last we saw of the character, and Harto had to settle for reprising CAOC Analyst in Iron Man 3 five years later.

14 Secret Identities

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Tony Stark is kind of a bigger threat to the notion of a superhero than any supervillain ever could be, as he risks giving the whole game away. So many superheroes assume they need to have secret identities in order to protect their loved ones or to avoid getting in trouble with the law because they’re technically being vigilantes. Blah blah blah. Tony Stark just runs around fighting crime and everyone knows who he is. He doesn’t hide in a cave, he lives in a building with his name on it. Come at me, bro.

A hero keeping his identity secret is a nice way to whip up some easy Jiffy Pop character conflict by having him constantly keep secrets from the people he cares about.

Really, how different would Bruce’s life really be if everyone knew he was Batman? He’s outed in the epilogue of 2015’s Arkham Knight and pretty much everyone is like “Keep on being you, Bruce.” Tony Stark blows the lid off of the whole Batman mythos and reveals that Batman is probably just antisocial more than anything. Being put in jail for wanton property damage worries Bruce a lot less than being asked by random strangers to show up for their kid’s birthday party.

13 Senses of Humor

Of all the memes on this list, this might be the one that most gets at the heart of who Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark are. No matter the incarnation, Bruce is a dour guy. He’s got one liners sometimes, but he’s not really intentionally funny ever. Even in the most overtly comedic screen interpretation of Batman, the 1960s Adam West show, Batman himself was never funny. He was comically serious in the face of all the madness around him.

Tony Stark is funny. That’s one reason why he made an impression as a character at a time when Christopher Nolan’s ultra serious Batman was seen as the benchmark for superheroes – he didn’t try to compete in the same playground. He doesn’t take much too seriously, which is most evident in the first Avengers movie. Tony Stark doesn’t have to carry much of the dramatic weight in that movie, he’s just the team smart aleck and the movie is better for it.

That might be why we like this meme, we can imagine this exact exchange happening if the characters met for real. Tony is flippant, Batman injects some earnestness into the conversation, and Tony undercuts him so fast Batman’s head would spin. Or at least turn from side to side, finally.

12 Money Fight

If you come to a Zeppelin concert, you expect to hear “Stairway to Heaven.” If you come to a compilation of Batman vs. Iron Man memes, we’ve got to show you the Money Fight. It’s an oldie but a goodie, as this is a meme we’ve seen around for quite a few years, and it’s still liable to get a laugh for its sheer, unvarnished cruelty.

For all that we’ve been talking about their character flaws, Batman and Iron Man are fundamentally heroic people.

Oftentimes, superhero and supervillain origin stories are impossible to distinguish, and we can certainly imagine Bruce and Tony redirecting their anger towards the world at large and using their resources to really do some harm. But they continue to do good, which makes the idea of them having a money fight fundamentally entertaining – it’s so out of character it’s hilarious.

Spider-Man is of course caught in the middle. Look at the sadness in his eyes. Is he upset that it’s come to this for two of his heroes? Or is he disgusted with what he’s been reduced to? Either way, he’s caught between two flagship superheroes and he has money raining down upon him. Cheer up, Spider-Man. This is the American dream.

11 Looks

There’s always someone better. Bruce and Tony have got money, they’ve got all the technology in the world, and they’re eligible bachelors. But for whatever reason, they’ve committed to hiding their good looks behind a couple of masks. Thor is a beautiful man, he knows it, Natalie Portman knows it, and the rest of the world knows it too.

Thor is also arguably the strongest hero to ever come out of Marvel or DC. In the first Avengers film, he even clocks in the least amount of screentime among all the non-Hawkeye superheroes. He doesn’t make his first appearance until the movie is already forty minutes old and drops out of the action for a while in the middle after the attack on S.H.I.E.L.D. Could it be that his presence is too comforting? We don’t worry as much about Loki or alien invaders with him around.

Not only that, the word Thursday literally means Thor’s Day in Old English. We’re not going to get a Batday or an Ironday any time soon. And Thor 2 wasn’t great, but it was still a lot better than Batman and Robin.

Batman and Iron Man might be a little bit outgunned, in every sense of the word, on this one.

10 Brains

You can name quite a few real life, very high profile examples of people who were born into obscenely wealthy families and still turned out to be very, very dense. And that’s why you have to give it to Tony and Bruce. For all their advantages, for all their money, they’ve earned their place in the world.

No less an authority than we here at Screen Rant have already take a look at the intelligence of these two superheroes. Bruce Wayne is an expert in a wide range of subjects and there’s seriously nothing more satisfying than becoming Batman in Rocksteady’s Arkham trilogy, going into Detective Mode and hearing him say things like “There’s a chemical compound in this residue that can only be found in a single orange grove over in southern Florida” (Paraphrasing). We ranked him the third most intelligent superhero, Iron Man had to make due with seventh place.

However, Tony often calls himself a futurist. He can’t see into every potential alternate reality like Dr. Strange, but he can anticipate and solve problems before they’ve even happened. So he actually probably would have an advantage in a chess game with Batman, but we’d like to see their battle of wits play out in other venues as well.

9 Understudies

Iron Man and Batman are the loftiest ideals for every child fantasizing about being a superhero. They are what you could be if only you had unlimited money and unlimited access to tomorrow’s technology. Spider-Man is something that seems attainable. Who’s to say that science won’t advance far enough to turn you into a superhero? Who’s to say that you won’t become smart enough to figure how to whip up your own batch of web fluid, so long as you stay in school and study hard?

Spider-Man: Homecoming was one of the most creatively successful superhero films in years, not only because it captured the feeling of Spider-Man being an ordinary ground level superhero, but because it placed him in a universe already populated by massive larger than life figures such as Iron Man. Although he had something to aspire to and he wanted to please Tony Stark, his day-to-day concerns were easy to relate to.

If Iron Man has Spider-Man, we suppose Batman has Robin, and even that’s not nearly the same. It sucks that Robin’s parents passed, but at least he’s got resources.

This meme is a bite sized encapsulation of everything we just brought up. Iron Man and Batman have all the toys and money in the world. Spider-Man has to make due, but he’s kicking ass all the same.

8 Overhead Costs

Let’s get into the weeds a little bit. The folks over at MoneySuperMarket.com have broken down the actual cost of being Batman and Iron Man, and if you’ve got superhero ambitions, this infographic is going to bring you crashing down to Earth.

It would take obscene wealth to become Iron Man. You don’t really think about the four jetpacks in his costume and a nuclear power source in his chest until you see a breakdown this clean. The $110 million dollar cost of a single suit is over half the budget of Iron Man 3 in its entirety, and that movie is essentially just a story about Tony Stark trying and failing to get into a long series of Iron Man suits. It’s one to have one suit, but what about all those duplicates?

On the other hand, in direct comparison, becoming Batman seems like a perfectly attainable goal. Especially if you make your own cape and decide that maybe you can live without the Custom Graphite Cowl. But then, almost as an aside, we find out that Batman’s vehicles (which we assume encompasses the Tumbler, the Batwing, and the Batboat) together cost $80 million dollars. Maybe you could leave those out, but what would a Batman story be without any bat-vehicles?

It’d be 2011’s Game of the Year Arkham City. Point taken. Keep that dream alive!

7 Predecessors

It’s fun to go back to your childhood and discover strange parallels between old and new fandoms. Darkwing Duck never particularly came across as a parody of Batman specifically, but he lived in a kind of mock heroic version of the same playground the Caped Crusader was occupying at the time.

Something that never occurred to us is whether Darkwing Duck’s frenemy Gizmoduck was a send-up of Iron Man? The similarity must have occurred to the writers and the animators at some point, but Iron Man wasn’t quite the commodity that Batman was in the early 90s. We’d already had the two Tim Burton films, and Batman: TAS was redefining what we thought a superhero cartoon could be. Iron Man and Gizmoduck may just be a coincidence.

Iron Man comes out on top surprisingly often in the memes we’ve gathered up, but seeing echoes of Batman in an early 90s show like Darkwing Duck does remind us that he may be winning the war. He’s been in the public consciousness for a very long time and you can’t take that away from him.

But here’s the real takeaway from this meme, the 90s was a fantastic time for animated superhero shows. Batman: The Animated Series was great. Darkwing Duck was great. Spider-Man: The Animated Series was… another show that we watched.

6 Grammar

For the grammar obsessives among us, keeping track of superhero names is a nightmare. Batman is already a word, so that one’s easy. Iron Man is very clearly enunciated. But why did they put a hyphen in Spider-Man? Who has the time to remember hyphens?!

This is something that has not escaped the attention of an artist with the nom de plume of CuttingRoom over at DeviantArt. As he puts it:

“I’m not sure why different heroes do it differently. Is Batman more bat than Spider-Man is spider? By making Iron Man two words, is Tony Stark trying to put distance between his machine and his humanity? Who knows? I do know that I love super heroes, and I love grammar. So that’s something.“

CuttingRoom has managed to channel this madness in a healthy direction, and has given the world this wonderful piece of fanart. This is technically a Spider-Man vs. Batman meme, but even though Iron Man is supposedly the impartial referee here, you can tell that Tony is itching to wade into those grammar wars. These three heroes had better be careful, if their fight gets too violent they might wind up in the hospital with all sorts of broken participles and dangling modifiers.

5 Reputations

This meme is elegant in its simplicity. It’s a perfect little illustration of the legend that has built up around Batman. An invincible green monster is roaring in your face, but Batman just has to point out he’s Batman and that’s all you need to hear to realize the playing field is equal. To say anything more about it would ruin it.

So we’ll go on a quick tangent. There weren’t any memes out there that directly compared Batman Begins and Iron Man 3, so we’ll shoehorn in this question before moving onto the next one; why was the Ra’s Al Ghul twist received so positively and the Mandarin twist so hated? It wasn’t all that different to have Ken Watanabe positioned as Ra’s, only for him to disappear from the story early on and have Liam Neeson reveal himself as the true villain. Arguably, Ben Kingsley’s performance as the unmasked Trevor Slattery is so hilarious it makes up for the feeling of “Wait, really?” and Guy Pearce winds up providing a formidable threat. Conceptually both twists are pretty much the same, was it all just in the execution? Or is the Ra’s/Ducard twist not aging well for fans either these days?

Let us know in the comments.

4 Expertise

Here’s an open secret no one wants to talk about: Batman is boring. Or rather, Batman by all rights ought to be boring. You’re not supposed to write a story about someone who has impossible mastery of everything. When you set aside his backstory, Batman is kind of a wish fulfillment character in the same way as James Bond, someone who always has the exact right gadget or skill set or tidbit of knowledge to allow him to survive a situation with ease. A scene in which Batman gets knocked over by a gunshot only to rise up with his wings spread wide is practically guaranteed once per movie. The Batman series is at its most compelling when it either leans into the fantasy, like in the Arkham games, or when the stakes revolve around the future of Gotham City more than Batman himself, like in the Nolan movies.

Batman listing off what he’s good at is impressive, but Tony may have secretly already won this particular war.

Iron Man certainly has a particular set of skills and his suit can take an awful lot of punishment, and when he’s costumed we rarely fear for his life. So you’ll notice that Robert Downey Jr. puts in a lot more face time in the movies than the Iron Man mask. This lets Tony’s charisma shine through and, frankly, makes him more of a dynamic character than Batman often is.

3 Children

The best thing about this strip is the tiny “Hn” that is Batman’s only line in the whole thing. It’s a testament to how much Batman has penetrated our popular culture that we all know exactly what that “Hn” sounds like.

The idea of either Batman or Iron Man with a child is very alarming to us. In a previous list, we mentioned that Bruce does indeed have children that he’s raising to fight crime, a pretty horrifying thought that has never been explored on the big screen. You would hope having another human to care for may let Batman begin to heal as he finds someone to fill the void left by his parents, but anyone with hobbies like that has a few problems to work out.

We cannot find any evidence that Tony has a kid outside of an alternate universe or a dream sequence. So this cute (at first) comic strip shows us what might happen if Tony Stark as he currently is took in a child. Look at how adorable Iron Kid is. It only makes the dark ending even funnier. The artist has a few other pieces of fanart that cast Batman as sort of the exasperated straight man putting up with Stark’s antics. We only went with the one image but check out the rest of B-Smitty’s work right here.

2 Real Life Children

Ooh, we were having fun up until now, but this one gets Real. Movies are movies, but this picture is liable to make a grown man weep.

It’s the most common late night talk show anecdote in the world, beloved celebrity fathers whose kids are less impressed by them than the rest of the population. Judd Apatow’s daughter doesn’t think he’s funny, Bruce Springsteen’s kids had other musical heroes, and even Barack Obama’s daughters never particularly looked like they were awed that their father was President. Robert Downey Jr. can hold his head up high, he’s the latest in a proud tradition.

All kidding aside, there’s no reason to assume that his son isn’t also a fan of Iron Man. That kind of binary, “You love Marvel or you love DC” attitude only really comes from a particularly vocal, particularly intense section of the Internet. But Robert’s son walking around in with a Batman shirt and a Batman belt buckle was sure to kick up a bit of a hornet’s nest and Robert Downey Jr. looks as though he knows it too.

And we see evidence of a trend among Marvel fathers, take a look at Chris Pratt and his Captain America loving son. That’s just adorable.

1 Actors

Life was pretty good for Christian Bale at the 2011 Academy Awards. That legendary video of him shouting on the set of Terminator 4 was a distant memory, he’d played Batman twice and was getting ready for a third, he’d just won a Best Supporting Actor Award for The Fighter. And Iron Man was there to see it.

Bale and Downey Jr. were photographed chatting together outside the theatre and all seemed perfectly cordial between them. Why wouldn’t it be?

But that didn’t stop us from having a bit of fun contrasting their pleasant interaction with fan art of their characters facing off.

Nowadays, the picture drives home something poignant; we may very well see Batman and Iron Man together on the screen someday, but it won’t be with the two actors who arguably played the biggest role in legitimizing and popularizing the comic book film genre. Bale has long stepped away from Batman and although we can only guess at Downey Jr’s future after 2019’s Avengers 4, there is a certain appeal in the idea of seeing him go at the height of his popularity. If nothing else, it’d give him more time to take on some more daring or comedic roles like Tropic Thunder.

Let’s keep a candle lit in our collective souls for Marvel and D.C. Presents: Batman vs. Iron Man. But if it never happens, these two characters individually have already given us so much.

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Who do you think would win in a fight? Batman or Iron Man? Let us know in the comments!

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