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queen-of-deans-booty · 4 months

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I'll Always Choose You

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.8k

Warnings: car accident, injured!reader, bitchy girlfriend, angst, fluff at the end

Request by @jessicalynnann: I’m requesting another one lol. Can I get a request where the reader and Jensen are best friends and Jensen is falling in love with her but his gf is really rude to her and makes him choose. Well the reader hears and distances herself… well Jensen realizes it is too late and the best friend is the one that makes him happy but the reader gets into an bad accident. You decided the ending. Thanks.!!!

Summary: Jensen is back in town with his new girlfriend and is hosting a barbecue to get together with everyone and catch up. This is the first time you're meeting her, and she doesn't take you to as kindly as she leads everyone to believe she is.

Square Filled: in vino veritas (2021) for @spndeanbingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

Jensen hasn’t even been back for more than a week and he’s already having a barbecue at his cabin in the mountains. He rents the place out every summer and invites everyone he knows to stay with him for the weekend. The place is big enough to house two dozen people and Jensen knows a lot of people. It’s been a few months since Jensen has been home since he’s traveling with his new girlfriend. You haven’t met her yet but you have talked to Jensen about her. He seems to be crazy about her so you’re not going to ruin what they have.

Yes, you have a crush on him. Yes, you love him. Yes, you’d do anything to make him happy. Yes, he is your best friend. No, you won’t do anything about it because he seems to be happy. What kind of friend would you be if you took that away from him?

Once you finish getting ready into a summer flowy dress, you grab the food you cooked and pile into your car. The cabin is located in the mountains up north so it takes you an hour to get there. There are already a bunch of people there but you don’t mind being later than everyone else. You pull into the driveway and see Jared’s car indicating that him and his wife are already here.

You let yourself into the house and enter the kitchen to place your food there when you see a young and beautiful woman. She must be Denise, Jensen’s girlfriend. You recognize her from the photos he’s sent you.

“Oh, hi. Denise?”

She looks you up and down as if she’s judging you.

“Yeah. You must be Y/N.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” you smile.

“You have such a cute dress on. Don’t let the drinks ruin it.”

It’s the way she says this that makes ou suspicious. She seems a bit passive-aggressive like she doesn't like you. Instead of giving you a chance, she’s already decided that she doesn’t like you. You’re not going to let her ruin your night because you came here for one thing and one thing only.

“I can handle myself. Where is Jensen?”

Speaking of, your best friend walks inside the kitchen using the back door with containers of food in his hands. He looks at you and a big smile breaks out on his face.

“Y/N! You came!” He sets down the food and scoops you into his arms. You don’t miss the way Denise is glaring at you two. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too.”

“Baby, you promised you’d show me around,” Denise says and pulls her boyfriend away from you. “Remember? You said you’d do it when you got done outside.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He turns to you. “I’ll be right back. Jared and Gen are outside.”

“Okay,” you nod.

Denise practically drags him away, leaving you all alone. You shake off this bad feeling you’re getting and join the others outside. Jared is talking to some guys off to the side while Gen is heping prep the table for the food. Joshua, Jensen’s brother, is using the grill to make his famous chicken on the other side of the backyard.

“Y/N!” Jared says a bit too loudly.

“Whoa, are you okay?” you chuckle and hug him.

“Yeah, I’m great.”

Jared has always been a light weight despite how tall he is. He definitely has the weight to keep the effects of alcohol away but he acts like he’s a hundred pounds when he drinks. It only takes a few drinks to really get him going.

“What number of drink is that?”

“Three?”

“You drink any more, you’ll bring out Doug. Do you really want to do that?”

“Probably not,” he chuckles.

You have fond memories of Jared’s alter ego coming out after he’s had too many to drink. The night usually ends in the cops being called but it’s memories you love to think about.

“So, I met Denise.”

Jared starts laughing at the tone of your voice.

“Yeah, everyone has that same reaction when they first meet her.”

“What is her problem?”

“I don’t know. She’s not the best person to be around but no one says anything because it seems like Jensen is happy. They’ve only been dating for a few months but they seem happy together.”

Jensen and Denise come back from the self-tour and you watch as she clings to his side even though he wants to go over to his friends and converse. He has a smile on his face that doesn’t quite reach his ears. He might be happy but it’s not true happiness.

“You don’t know him like I do.”

You leave Jared’s side to join Jensen’s. He has yet to tell you about his trip and now’s the perfect time to do that. It’s been so long since you’ve seen him, you just want to be around him. However, Denise sees you walking over to them and she tugs on Jensen’s arm to grab his attention. She leans in and whispers something in his ear that causes him to chuckle.

“Sure,” he nods.

They both walk off before you can get to them, and Denise looks back at you to gauge your reaction. You pretend like you weren't walking to them and veer to the right where Gen is. She says something to you but you’re not paying attention. You stare at the couple until they disappear around the corner of the house. Jensen didn’t even see you coming toward him.

You push down your feelings and enjoy the company of everyone else until dinner is served. Jensen took the seat next to you before Denise could pull him away so she is forced to take the other side of him. Everyone digs into the delicious food immediately and the conversation somehow gets on the topic of how stupid Jensen has been in his past.

“Once Jared told me I couldn't do it, I had to prove him wrong. I climbed up to the roof and got ready to jump into the pool.”

“I told him not to do it but he wouldn’t listen,” you chuckle.

“Yeah, so I got a running head start and jumped off into the pool. I made it in but it was shallower than I thought, and I broke my arm on the side of the pool.”

“You were a big cry baby,” you laugh and lean on his arm in laughter. “I held your hand the entire way to the hospital.”

“That you did,” he smiles down at you.

Denise’s jaw ticks in annoyance and jealously. She grabs her alcoholic drink and walks past you as if she is going to get a refil. However, she “trips” and she spills her entire drink all over your new dress. You gasp from how cold it is and stand up in shock.

“Oh, I am so sorry!” Denise apologizes.

“Shit, that’s cold!”

You look down at your dress to see the alcohol already staining your dress. You look at Denise and see the malicious intent in her eyes. She might be faking an apology but you know she couldn’t care less about this. She did this on purpose.

“Here, come with me. Let me clean this up before the stain sets.”

“Do you need me to come with you?” Jensen asks.

“No, I got this,” Denise chuckles.

She takes you into the cabin before you have achance to say anything. As soon as the door is closed, she becomes a whole other person. She drops the nice girl act and shows her true colors.

“I don’t know what your problem is, but stay away from my boyfriend.”

“My problem? What are you talking about?”

You grab some napkins to dab your dress without her help.

“You can play games all you want but he’s mine, and I’ll make your life miserable if you keep doing what you’re doing.”

“I don’t want him,” you lie.

“Please,” she scoffs and rolls her eyes, “I saw the way you were looking at him the entire night. Stay away from him or I’ll do more than pour alcohol down your dress.” She walks back to the door but pauses because she’s not done talking. “I am better than you in every way. You might be the best friend but I’m his girlfriend, and I always get what I want.” She gives you a sweet smile as if she didn’t just threaten you. “It’s nice to meet you though. Sorry about the dress.”

As soon as she leaves the kitchen, tears roll down your cheeks. You can’t go back out there looking like a mess so you dry your cheeks and your dress as much as possible before going back outside. Everyone is mostly done with dinner so they’re standing around instead of sitting. Jensen immediately walks over to you with a look of concern on his face.

“Hey, are you okay? I can pay for the dry cleaning.”

You look at Denise who is watching you with careful eyes. Jensen might genuinely be happy with her so you can’t take that away from him and tell him how rotten his girlfriend is. Plus, would he even believe you? Yes, you’re his best friend but would he believe you over his girlfriend?

“No, it’s okay. It was a misunderstanding,” you sigh.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

You excuse yourself and walk over to Jared who has been watching you three the entire night. He had two glasses of water at dinner so he’s sobered up some more. He sees the look of defeat on your face and nudges you arm.

“They won’t last.”

“What?”

“I don’t see them lasting another month.”

“Why would I care?”

“Come on,” Jared chuckles. “We all know you’re in love with him.”

“Shut your mouth, Jared,” you snap.

“What, am I wrong?”

You look at Jensen and Denise who are all over each other. She has her arms wrapped around his neck and his hands are low on her hips. You have to hold back your tears.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel. She clearly doesn’t want me around.”

“Give it time.”

Jensen and Denise walk into the cabin to do God only knows what, and you decide it’s best if you leave now. You don’t want to spend the night and have to hear them through the walls.

“As much fun as this whole thing has been, I should go now.”

You give Jared a side hug so you don’t get the alcohol on him.

“Good luck.”

You can’t leave this party without saying goodbye to Jensen. You’ll steal a couple of minutes and leave and that will be that. You don’t even have to give him a hug goodbye . You walk inside the house in search of your best friend. You walk past the kitchen into the living room where you overhear Denise and Jensen talking.

“What’s wrong? You were fine when we showed up.”

“I don’t like that you spend so much time with her. I’m your girlfriend who loves you.”

“She’s my best friend.” Great, they’re talking about you. How can you go in there now? It’ll only be awkward and you’ll give away that you’ve been listening. “We grew up together.”

“You’re with me now. Y/N needs to find someone she loves and leave us alone. I don’t want to be rude but it’s obvious she wants you.”

You can’t see Jensen’s face from where you’re at but you can only imagine what it looks like.

“You’re overreacting.”

“Do you have feelings for her? Is that why you’re being this way?”

You hold your breath and wait for his answer.

“Be this way? What are you talking about?”

“It’s me or her. Pick one. You can’t have both.”

You can’t bear the thought of hearing his answer because there is a chance that he might choose her. You quickly leave the room without hearing his answer and escape to your car. You shouldn’t have come. He has been with Denise for months across the world. He probably has a lot more fun with her than he does with you. He’s found someone to replace you with. You can’t fault him for choosing her. She can give him everything you can’t.

You peel out of the driveway and start the journey back home. Tears are flowing down your cheeks making it harder to see the road in front of you. It’s a particularly windy day so your car is slightly shaking; nothing you can’t control. It doesn’t help you’re driving in the mountains with no light except for that of your headlights. Through your tears, you don’t see the car on the other side of the roading coming straight at you.

You hit him going seventy miles an hour head on, and you’re thrown from the windshield and onto the groound. You left in such a hurry that you forgot to put your seatbelt on. The car you hit is a much bigger car than yours so it doesn’t have nearly as much damage as yours. The car slams on its break before slowly driving off, leaving you on the ground outside.

You gasp in pain and stare at the starry sky above you. Blood runs down your body and pools on the ground. You never took time to admire how pretty the night sky is. Your entire body is in pain but there is a certain peace that comes with being on the brink of death. You close your eyes to get some sleep when you hear someone calling your name off in the distance.

How much time has passed? It seems like minutes but could have been for much longer.

“Y/N!” Jensen gasps and slides on the ground when he gets to you. You open your eyes and see red and blue lights flashing off his face. “I’m right here. You’re going to be okay. Just hang on for me, okay? Please be okay.”

“Sir, you need to move.”

Jensen is pulled back so the paramedics can come in and do their job. You close your eyes because you’re so fucking tired. You feel yourself being lifted off the ground and onto something softer than the ground. You’re wheeled on a gurney into the ambulance with Jensen following closely behind.

“Sir, only family are allowed inside.”

“I’m her husband,” Jensen shouts and pushes past the paramedics.

They allow him to sit inside and be with you until they get to the hospital. Jensen grabs your bloody hand just as you roll your head to the side. You barely squeeze his hand to let him knwo you’re with him and not going toward the light no matter how tempting it might be.

“I’m right here, sweetheart. I’m holding your hand.”

The next time you open your eyes, you’re confronted with blinding white lights. Is this what Heaven is like? Did you die? You blink a few times to correct your vision and see you’re not in Heaven but a hospital room. You groan softly and look to your right where Jensen is. He is holding your hand with his head lowered like he’s praying. When he hears your painful groan, his head snaps up.

“Sweetheart. Hey, I’m right here.”

“Jensen?” you croak.

“Do you need some water?” You nod and he grabs a small cup of water. He helps you drink before setting the cup down. “How are you feeling?”

“What happened?”

“You collided with another car. The bastard left instead of staying but cops found him near where the cabin is. There’s only one road going in and out of town so it wasn’t hard to spot the truck with bumper damage. Your car is totaled though.”

Oh, yeah. The reason why you didn't see the other car is because you had tears flowing out of your eyes the entire time. Why were you crying? Right. Jensen was going to choose Denise over you. You take your hand away from his when you remember this and shift further from him.

“Where is Denise?”

“Gone.” Your eyes snap to his. “I broke up with her.”

“What? Why?”

“She made me choose. Anyone who makes me choose isn’t good enough to be with me.”

“What did she make you choose?” you ask even though you know the answer.

“It was either you or her, and you should know by now I will always choose you.”

“You shouldn’t have had to do that.”

“I’m glad she did.” He grabs your good hand and kisses the back of it. “I was blind to who was by my side my entire life.”

You smile and run your thumb on the back of his hand.

“What does this mean?”

“First, you get better. Then, I’m going to show you just how much I love you.”

“Deal,” you smile shyly.

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

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dean-winchester-is-a-warrior · 6 months

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Love and Lying Pt. 2

This will fill the Rumors space on my @jacklesversebingo card.

(P.S. I switched out one of my squares to "I want you to leave marks." That square's gonna be filled by an extremely smutty MOC!Dean fic - so be on the lookout for that soon. ❤️)

Summary: Will Y/N and Jensen love each other or live in lies?

Warnings/Explicit 18+: Jensen Angst and Reader Angst. Implied smut. Brief mention of semi-public sex. Jealousy. Discussions of emotionally abusive relationship.

Pairings: Jensen Ackles x Y/N

Word Count: 6,657

A/N: This is the second (and final) part of my little Love and Lying series. (Psst! It was supposed to be a one shot. *le sigh*) I wanna thank @envyaurora95 and @candy-coated-misery0731 for inspiring this fic with their request and that hot af picture at the top. It was so appreciated. I really enjoyed writing this. It's a different version of Jensen from what I usually write. So, it was a fun challenge. Hope everyone enjoys this second part.

A/N 2: As always, of course this is a Jensen from another part of the Multiverse, who is single. This is an absolute work of fiction.

The beautiful dividers used here were created by @saradika

Part 1 can be found here.

May (6 weeks later)

Jensen took another sip of his watered down whiskey and then stretched his mouth into a smile as he surveyed the room. It was a studio party, meaning there were basically the same ten or twenty people he knew, surrounded by a couple hundred more he’d never met in his life. The ten or twenty he knew, he didn’t really like. But it was all part of the business, this gladhanding. He used to enjoy it more, or at least be up for it.

But these days everything just seemed stuck in perpetual slow motion. The days dragged, the nights were…empty; empty of everything except memories.

“What’s got you frowning like that?”

Jensen turned as Tara walked up beside him. She looked absolutely beautiful in a shimmery white dress, cut low enough to be sexy, but high enough to be modest. He knew she’d spent hours in a salon that afternoon to make sure her hair and nails, and makeup were all perfect for tonight. She really was stunning.

But it still took a lot for him to smile down at her as she slid up against his side. He kissed her cheek and felt a kick in his stomach as she beamed up at him.

Fuck I’m an asshole, he thought to himself.

With that admonishment in mind he gave her an extra squeeze and tried to make his smile real. But he still ignored her question. “So, how’re you enjoying the party, darlin’?”

Tara’s eyes lit up like a little kid at Christmas. “It’s amazing!” She said with a little clap. “I actually ran into Lauren Graham in there.” She said, thumbing towards the restrooms in the back. “She asked me to pass her a towel to dry her hands.”

She paused and her brow crinkled. “Hmm…now that I think about it, she may have thought I was the bathroom attendant.”

Jensen barked out a true laugh, and then felt guilty again as Tara smiled wide, so happy with his happiness. He pulled her into his side again and kissed the top of her head. “You look far too beautiful to be mistaken as a bathroom attendant, darlin', I promise.”

She beamed up at him again, and he did his best to smile at her warmly. But something caught his eye across the room that froze him, making the smile dissolve quickly. Tara noticed and looked in the direction he was staring.

“Oh, hey. Isn’t that your friend…uh…Y/N?” Jensen nodded, and Tara asked the question he was most desperate to know the answer to. “Who’s that ridiculously hot guy she’s with?”

He shook his head. “I dunno.”

Something primal seemed to take over his body, making his blood pump and his fists clench. His logical brain was screaming at him to settle down, reminding him that he had a date too, standing right beside him.

You were the asshole who walked away, dipshit. The coward who took off before she even woke up. Did you think she was gonna stay single for the rest of her life?

He was only vaguely aware when Tara spotted someone else famous across the room, and took off to meet them. He nodded and smiled, but didn’t hear a word she said.

He was fixated on the couple across the room.

He felt his body harden, and fire surge through him as he stared at her. She was in a short red dress that hugged every curve perfectly, and she wore a pair of black heels that made her legs look delectable, reminding him of every time she’d wrapped them tightly around his waist. She was laughing at something her date said, her smile bright. He could almost hear her laugh over the loud din of the crowd - that full, throaty laugh that never failed to make others around her smile too.

She had both her arms wrapped around her date's bicep, and she was pressed tight to his side. As he watched, the man leaned down to whisper something in her ear and she blushed and hit his arm.

Rage surged through him again. He was obviously whispering something dirty in her ear. Jensen was sure of it. He'd seen that look of guilty pleasure on her face before. Less than a year ago…at a party much like this one, in fact.

The scent of her perfume had made his head spin as he leaned close to her ear. He'd felt her shiver as he spoke, his voice quiet, but ragged. “You’re so fucking gorgeous in this dress Y/N. Stunning. But all I actually wanna do is rip it off with my teeth.” He’d let his tongue trace over the shell of her ear and then had to bite his lip to stop from groaning as she whimpered quietly.

His voice was rough and needy as he whispered to her, “We need to get the fuck out of here. Say goodbye and meet me at the coat check.”

The memory swirled in his mind now, reminding him that they’d never actually made it out of the coat check. Hidden by hundreds of hanging coats, he’d simply lifted her leg to his hip and fucked her standing - one hand braced against the wall and the other over her mouth to keep her moans and cries of pleasure from giving them away.

His black dress pants were getting uncomfortably tight as the memory played on a loop in his mind. His jaw ticked and his fists clenched, even as he told himself he was being a fucking idiot. But he couldn’t help it. He desperately wanted to break every one of the fingers running softly up and down Y/N’s arm.

Suddenly Tara bounced back to his side. “This party is amazing!”

Without even pretending to smile, he grabbed her hand and practically dragged her across the crowded floor.

“What are we doing?” Tara asked in bewilderment, trying to keep up with his much longer stride. Realizing this, Jensen slowed slightly, but continued determinedly across the room.

“I gotta get out of here.” Realizing how desperate that sounded, Jensen amended his words. “I mean, I’ve got an early call tomorrow.”

Jensen felt guilt pierce him again; he could feel Tara’s disappointment rise up and cover them both. But it was either leave her feeling a bit disappointed, or end up being arrested for gross bodily harm when he snapped every single finger on the hand that was touching what was his.

Not yours, asshole!

His voice was loud in his head, shouting the truth at him. But rationality had no place alongside the anger inside him - anger that was masking something much darker and sadder, something Jensen denied immediately, heaping more anger on top to keep it buried.

Two weeks later

“David! Jesus, you’re slow!” Y/N shouted toward her bathroom where her best friend was getting ready.

David popped his head out of the hallway. “What can I say, for some of us, beauty takes work.” His bright blue eyes twinkled at her before he disappeared to return to her bathroom.

Y/N snorted. “Yes, well beautiful boy, your husband is going to be here in less than five minutes and he’s not exactly patient.”

David’s voice was muffled slightly behind the bathroom door. “Well, he’s just gonna have to learn that you can’t rush perfection.”

Two minutes later he emerged, looking just as perfectly gorgeous as he always did. “What do you think?” He asked Y/N with a small spin. His suit was dark and sleek and very sexy.

Y/N gave a wolf whistle and David grinned and took a little bow. “Thank you, thank y - oh!” He dashed back down the hallway. “I forgot the cufflinks Adam gave me.”

Y/N stood up and wandered into her bedroom where David and Adam’s suitcases were. She’d insisted they take her room while they were with her for a couple weeks, assuring them that her couch was very comfortable, and that she’d spent many a night sleeping there.

She didn’t add that she slept on the couch whenever the memories that were inextricably tangled with her bedroom became too much to handle. When she could practically smell him on her pillows she’d drag herself out to the couch and try to ignore the ache.

Now she watched David trying to wrestle with his cufflinks one handed and chuckled as she pushed his hand away to take over the task.

She smiled up at him. “You know, I’m really happy for you, Davie. Adam is really someone special. I hate that I couldn’t make it out to Connecticut for your wedding last year, but I’m so grateful I could help you celebrate your first anniversary in style! I'm gonna miss you both so much when you leave on Sunday.”

David leaned down and kissed her cheek. “We'll miss you too, sweetie. Thank you.” He beamed at her as she finished. “And Adam IS so amazing. I’m just so happy!”

Y/N couldn’t help catching his enthusiasm and grinned up at him before patting his arm. “K, well let’s get this show on the road then. Your other half will be here momentarily!”

David nodded and then disappeared into her bathroom. “Yep, just one more minute.”

She rolled her eyes and chuckled before heading back to the living room. She settled, crisscross, on the couch and picked up her phone. She scrolled for a few minutes and was about to call out to David to try, once again, to make him get a move on, but then her finger stopped scrolling on an instagram story that made her gasp and stare and then begin to feel dizzy.

She shook her head. It was just a stupid gossip site that popped up in her feed sometimes. They’re not reliable, she thought, it’s not true.

She was desperate for it not to be true. She searched out one or two other entertainment news Instagram accounts and found the same story on Entertainment Weekly’s page. She read the article, numb and breathing shallowly.

Is one of Hollywood’s most notorious and sought-after bachelors finally off the market? Rumors say (sorry ladies!) YES! Sources tell EW that the Supernatural and The Boys star, Jensen Ackles, was spotted in a famous LA boutique, shopping for rings. Though there has been no official statement from Ackles’ camp, the source claims that the ring was 24K gold, with a 2 carat diamond, and cost in excess of twenty thousand dollars. Phew! With a price tag that hefty, must be true love.

Who's the lucky lady? We can't be 100% sure, but we're speculating that it's the lovely, mystery blonde he's had on his arm at quite a few parties recently. Whoever it is, as always, we wish the talented Mr. Ackles nothing but happiness.

Y/N sat staring at the old photo of Jensen the article used. He was smiling brightly, sunglasses covering his eyes as he moved along a red carpet somewhere. She couldn’t make the words make sense.

David came out of the room, looking down to sweep away some invisible speck of dust on his immaculate suit. “Okay, this time, I’m for real ready.” His smile broke off as he looked up to see how pale Y/N was.

“Y/N? Sweetie? What’s wrong?” David strode forward to grab her phone out of her hand. He read the screen and then sucked in a breath. He looked at Y/N and she could feel his pity stretch out towards her, even without looking at him.

“Oh, honey.” He said softly as he sat down beside her. “I’m so sorry.”

She sat silently for a moment more before she shook her head, attempting and failing miserably at producing a smile. “No, it’s…it’s okay, just took me by surprise.”

There was a knock at the door, and Y/N pushed at David’s arm and stood up, taking her phone back from him. “Hubby’s here.” Her smile wavered but stayed on this time.

David stood too, and grabbed her hand. “No, don’t worry about it. We’ll stay here with you.”

Y/N scoffed. “Yes, what an amazing anniversary celebration that would be.” She shook her head when David tried to protest again. “No really, hun, I just…” she blinked back tears. “I think, I need some time alone anyway, you know?”

David sighed deeply and then nodded. “Okay, sweetie. But we’re just a phone call away if you need us, okay.”

But Y/N shook her head. “I’ll be fine, go. And happy anniversary.” David kissed her forehead and then reluctantly walked out the door.

Y/N waited a full two minutes to make sure they weren’t coming back before she fell onto the couch and let her shaking sobs take over.

One week later

Come on, it will be so much fun!

Y/N read the text from Briana and shook her head before texting back.

Really, I’m sorry. Just still feeling under the weather. Next time, though.

She could practically hear Briana sigh as she read her next text.

Okay, but we’re getting coffee on Friday and I’m not taking no for an answer. You’re gonna have to be on your deathbed to get out of going to a Starbucks with me.

Y/N smiled in spite of herself.

Deal. See you then. Have fun tonight.

Briana answered with a heart, and Y/N tossed her phone down on the coffee table. She picked up the quart of Haagen-daz Butter Pecan Ice Cream, and shoveled another spoonful into her mouth before picking up her remote.

Netflix bong-bonged onto her screen, and very soon Gene Kelly was singing a silky, romantic love song to Debbie Reynolds as she stood on a ladder and pretended it was a balcony.

Singing in the Rain was one of her go to comfort movies, but even the catchy music and fancy footwork of the three stars couldn’t take away the hollow feeling in her gut. So she eventually shut it off. She didn’t want to ruin the movie for herself by associating it with this terrible feeling of emptiness.

She sat in the semi-darkness of her apartment for far too long, just staring at the wall. She knew she had to get over this, over him. It was ridiculous. He didn’t deserve her time and heartache. She told herself that every day, and every day it felt like her heart crumbled a little bit more.

Y/N spent hours trying to occupy her mind with books, television, even doom scrolling social media, but it was all useless. Her mind was firmly planted elsewhere.

It was nearly three in the morning when a knock came to her door. Y/N sat up and stared at it as her stomach clenched tightly. She shook her head. It couldn’t be. Probably just some drunken idiot knocking on the wrong apartment door. The knock came again, a harder banging this time.

And when she heard his voice, she froze completely. “Y/N come on. I know you’re in there, just open the door.” Silence, and then another hard knock. “Please, just open the door.”

She stared without moving until another flurry of loud banging was followed by the sound of her neighbor calling into the hallway.

“What the hell, man? It’s three in the morning.”

Y/N ran forward and yanked the door open. She saw the older guy across the hall scowling at Jensen. She looked at him and held up a hand. “I’m so sorry.”

He frowned and shrugged. “You okay? Need help?” He asked, giving Jensen a once over.

Y/N smiled at him gratefully. “No, I’m fine, thanks. He’s just an inconsiderate asshole. Sorry.” She said again. She smiled at her neighbor and he nodded and went back inside. She spun back to face Jensen and felt her heart hammer like it was trying to burst from her chest.

God dammit! Why does he always have to look like this?

He was just wearing jeans and a white and red Nirvana t-shirt but it never mattered what he was wearing, because it was all just decoration for the stunning, sexy son of a bitch underneath.

His thighs were thick and powerful in the dark blue denim, and his biceps bulged under his short sleeves. The soft cotton stretched tightly across his chest and shoulders and made her desperate to lift it up and run her hands over his warm skin. She itched to feel the way his lower abdomen muscles tensed and hardened when she trailed her nails through the light, reddish blonde hair that sank below his waistband.

Looking at the Adonis in front of her she was suddenly, acutely, aware that she’d spilled ice cream on her t-shirt earlier, and the pajama bottoms she was wearing were incredibly comfy but very worn out. Her hair was a mess from being pulled back in a ponytail all day, and she was wearing mismatched socks. Her one saving grace was that she’d forced herself into a shower earlier that evening.

All her thoughts raced and jumbled and tripped over themselves as she stood just inside the threshold of her apartment, staring at him.

He remained silent now, and she started getting angry. She looked into his beautiful face, and saw the same calm mask he wore all the time. That calm made her anger turn to fury. She gritted her teeth and shook her head.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing here?” She raged.

“Y/N…I need to…”

Y/N’s glare darkened. “You need? I don’t give a damn what you need!”

She realized she was the one loudly disturbing her neighbors now, and lowered her voice to a growling whisper. “Get away from me.” She felt tears prickle at the back of her eyes but refused to let them fall with him standing there.

For a split second she saw what looked like pain enter Jensen’s expression before he shielded it away again, but she wouldn’t let it sway her.

Jensen took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly. “Please, Y/N I just need to talk to you.” He nodded and pointed around her into her apartment. “Do you mind…could I…”

He trailed off as Y/N’s eyes widened at the gaul of him. His eyes closed in a grimace when he realized he was just repeating himself from the last time he'd shown up at her door.

Y/N’s voice was ice. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

Jensen nodded, acknowledging that it had been a dumb request. “Look, I know you have every right to be pissed, but please hear me out.”

Y/N was already shaking her head. “I don’t wanna hear you.” She gritted her teeth, furious with herself when two fat tears escaped to roll down her cheeks. She dashed them away immediately. “Why don’t you just go home and talk to your fiance? Maybe she’ll listen to your bullshit.”

Jensen frowned slightly and shook his head; he seemed slightly confused. “No, I’m not…I’m not engaged.”

Y/N felt her stomach swoop, but she shook off the feeling. “Yeah right.” She said, loudly once again. She could hear movements from her neighbors’ apartments, so with an incredibly frustrated growl, she grabbed onto Jensen’s wrist and yanked him into her apartment. She locked the door and then leaned against it.

She shot him a disbelieving look. “So, you’re telling me that all the stories about you buying a ring, those were just what, rumors? Just a half dozen websites all deciding to lie about it, make it up?”

Jensen shook his head. “No, not exactly.” He looked down at his shoes for a beat before looking back at her. “I was shopping for a ring.”

Y/N felt her insides shredding, her stomach ached and her chest burned. Silence reigned for a moment before Y/N cleared her throat. “Lucky Tara.”

Jensen shook his head. “No, I broke things off with her.”

Y/N refused to let that sound like good news to her. It wasn’t. “Poor Tara.” She amended, her voice bitter. “I know how she feels.”

Y/N inhaled deeply and pushed away from the door, moving into the kitchen to start making herself a cup of tea. I may need to add a few drops of brandy, she thought.

As she poured water into the kettle, she gave a humorless laugh. “Okay, so at least now I know what you’re doing here.” She put the kettle on the stove and turned on the gas before turning back to face him, arms crossed over her chest. “You couldn’t commit to her either, so now you’re back here to charm your loser ex who’ll let you back into her bed in a heartbeat.”

Jensen frowned deeply, his forehead creasing. “Of course not.”

Y/N just scoffed. “Well, why then? Why did you come back and bang on my door?”

Silence greeted her question and she assumed he was trying to come up with a plausible reason that wasn’t just, “Cause I wanna fuck you.” Eventually Jensen raised his gaze to hers, spearing her with it; his stare was intense and unblinking.

“Because I love you. And I’m sick of lying about it.”

Y/N swore her heart stopped beating for a moment before restarting, hammering hard against her ribs. A lump formed in her throat and there was no way she could stop the tears this time.

She shook her head and her voice was whisper soft and filled with pain. “How could you…? Why would you say that? Just to get into my pants? How could you lie to me about this?” She put her hands over her face and spun away from him. Damn him for making her weak in front of him again.

She sobbed brokenly for a minute more, and then tried desperately to push the tears away. Suddenly she felt his hands cupping her shoulders and she jumped, turning around to face him. She shrugged off his hands, but he just moved them to cup her cheeks and thumb away her tears.

She looked him in the eye at last and saw that his eyes were slightly moist as well. She felt her heart sway towards him but then beat the feeling down.

He’s a fabulous actor, remember? She reminded herself.

His voice was gentle, soft, and achingly sad. “I can never make it up to you for hurting you so badly. For breaking your heart to the point that you’d truly believe I’d tell you that I loved you, just to get you into bed.”

Y/N stared up into his kelly green eyes and felt herself being reeled in as he lightly swept his thumb across her cheekbone. His gaze flickered to her mouth and he swallowed. Her mind was screaming at her not to be a fool - screaming that was quickly punctuated by the kettle’s shrill whistle, announcing that it was ready.

Y/N quickly stepped away from Jensen, removing the kettle and shutting off the stove. She didn’t make her tea. Instead, she moved back into her living room, trying to put some distance between them.

Jensen respected her need for space and stayed in the kitchen, leaning against the island. She sat down on the arm of her big chair, facing him. She was going to prove to herself that he was lying. “Okay, you claim you love me.” She let disdain color her words so longing wouldn’t. “If you love me so much, why has it taken you this long to tell me.”

Jensen looked up at the ceiling for a moment before sighing and shaking his head. “I told you, because I’m a liar. And I haven’t lied to anyone more than I’ve lied to myself.”

Y/N folded her arms and gave him a look, eyebrows raised, that said to keep going. Jensen nodded and then moved to sit on her couch and Y/N shifted on the arm of the chair so she was facing him again.

“So, you know I was married before, right?” It was a rhetorical question and he continued without waiting for an answer. “And you know it ended badly. But…” He shrugged. “The truth is it just…existed badly.”

He sighed and rubbed his palms over his thighs; it was a tell that he was nervous, that he was having a hard time talking about this.

“I was really young when I met Caitlyn. Just a kid, really, barely able to drink. But she was a few years older, and just…” Y/N could see him searching for the words. “...magnetic.”

He shook his head, and his voice got distant, lost in memories. “She was like no one I’d ever known before. Beautiful yes, but so…charismatic and beguiling. She just pulled you into her. I knew at least a dozen guys in my circle who were madly in love with her. But…” He smiled a sad kind of smile. “She picked me.”

He shook his head again, ruefully. “And I fell - just hook, line, and sinker. I loved her.” He said, and then amended his words. “No, I worshiped her. I followed her around like a puppy, and I’d do anything she asked, without question.”

He was quiet a moment, rubbing his fingers absentmindedly over his lips, before he continued, his voice a little bit sharper. “But as it turned out, on top of everything else she was, she was also just…mean. Manipulative.”

He looked into Y/N’s eyes and she could see the remembered pain reflected there. “She cheated on me.” He scoffed. “A lot, actually. But every time I’d confront her about it, she’d tell me it was my fault. That I forced her into his arms because I didn’t show her that she was loved. She’d cry and tell me that all she wanted was my love, that she craved it.”

Y/N felt her heart break for the younger Jensen, and she began to understand his response when she’d told him she loved him and was leaving because he wouldn’t love her back.

Jensen gripped his hands together, the knuckles turning white. “So, I worked harder to show her how much I loved her. I would literally do whatever she asked of me, I would be anyone she wanted me to be, just so she’d know I was devoted to her, that she was everything to me.”

He ran a hand over his face. “I’d like to say that I was smart, that I eventually caught on to her games and her deceit and left her. But,” he shrugged, “no. After three years of marriage, she left me. I paid her alimony until six years ago when she finally remarried. Some doctor from Beverly Hills.” He exhaled a laugh. “Good luck, buddy.”

He stood up and began walking around Y/N’s living room and kitchen in a loop. She got dizzy trying to watch him, so she sank down onto the seat of the chair and just listened.

“For years after our divorce, I was heartbroken, devastated. I had no idea what I’d done, I obsessed over what I could have done differently to make her stay. Took me a long time, it was years after she left, before I started to understand just who she really was, and that I’d never been anything but a game to her. So, I made a vow to myself.”

He took a deep breath. “I swore that I would never fall like that again. That I would never let myself love someone like that again, never let someone control me that way.”

He finally stopped pacing and walked into the kitchen. Y/N turned her head to watch him and realized quickly that he was making her a cup of tea. The gesture made her heart squeeze. He continued speaking as he poured the boiling water over the tea bag.

“And for over a decade, I succeeded at keeping every woman at arms length. We could have fun, I’d take them to openings, or parties, and we’d have a good time. But that was it, I never wanted anything more, and if they began hinting that they might, I said goodbye and moved on.”

He poured cream into her tea and stirred it, bringing it to her before sitting down across from her on the couch once again. He smiled, warm and wistful, as he caught her gaze. “Then you walked onto set.” He shook his head. “You were so unbelievably beautiful, and funny, and unfailingly kind to everyone. And I started to panic. And that’s when I started to lie to myself. I thought, ‘Hey, we can be friends - I’m allowed to have female friends.”

He gave a rueful laugh. “Then I kissed you at midnight on new year’s eve, and proved that was a lie. I kissed you, and I instantly wanted…” His gaze turned warm. “...wanted more.” He looked down at the ground and continued.

“But after I left you that night, I went home and swore that that was it. Nothing else was going to happen. It was just a kiss. You were beautiful, it wasn’t crazy that I wanted something physical with you. But that was it, that’s where it ended.” He closed his eyes briefly before continuing. “More lies. I knew then that it was so much more than a physical connection, but I was a very determined liar. Then the next day you asked me what the kiss meant, and did it mean we were gonna try and be together. And I said yes, without thinking, without hesitation.”

He crossed his arms. “And that’s when the fear really set it. You’d managed to get me to change my mind about us immediately. When you asked, I immediately caved. Just because I wanted to be with you, and because I wanted to make you happy. That feeling, of wanting to do anything to make someone smile? That feeling scared the holy hell out of me.”

“So,” he rolled his eyes, “I began a whole year of lying to myself, and to you. A year of telling myself I could hold back from you, I wouldn’t let you get under my skin the way Caitlyn had, I’d keep you at arms length.” He shrugged. “All lies. Because you were already burrowed so deep under my skin there was no way I was getting you out. But also…”

He stared at Y/N for a moment, before getting up and moving to sit on the coffee table right in front of her, picking up her hands and holding them in his.

The whole time he’d been talking Y/N had remained silent, looking for the signs that would tell her he was lying, that he was exaggerating, or embellishing. But she couldn’t see any signs of dishonesty. Her scarred heart was still echoing a warning, but it was becoming more and more distant. As he held her hands in his she felt her pulse pick up again.

God, he smells good.

“Mostly I was lying to myself that you were anything like Caitlyn. I was lying to myself, warning myself to avoid a danger that didn’t exist. It took me until about a week ago to figure that out.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Cause I’m a dumbass.”

Y/N couldn’t help the small, watery laugh that escaped her lips. He smiled gently at her, and then cupped her cheek again, running his thumb across her bottom lip and making her shiver. “You’ve spent the entire time I’ve known you, two years now, showing me over and over that you were nothing like her, you even told me, the day you left, that you weren’t her.”

He squinted. “I hadn’t told you much of anything about my marriage, so I was so surprised to hear you say that. How did you know?”

Y/N shrugged a shoulder. “It wasn’t hard to glean that someone had hurt you. People don’t usually fight that hard to keep from being hurt unless they’ve already felt the pain of it.”

Jensen gazed at her in awe, his eyes roaming all across her face. “God I love you.”

This time when he said it, Y/N’s tears were all happy. She believed him. She believed he was a dumbass. She believed it took him two years to figure out she loved him without strings. She believed that now that he’d figured it out his heart was free. And she believed him when he said he loved her. But her heart still rejoiced when he continued.

“I mean it, Y/N. I love you. I love you completely. You are everything to me, and that doesn’t scare me at all anymore. Because I know I’m safe with you.”

Jensen’s expression turned worried and remorseful. “But I also know how badly I hurt you by running away like a coward last time. I just panicked again at how easily you could grab hold of me and make me forget everything. I was laying there with you, and you were so peaceful and so supremely beautiful in my arms, and I just started to imagine my life with you, and the joy I felt thinking about it,” he sighed, “made me bolt.”

He brought the back of her hand to his lips, kissing each knuckle in turn. “But I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

He looked up at her through his lashes and his pleading gaze was irresistible. “Forgive me, please?” He turned her hand over and pressed his lips to the pulse point on her wrist. “Love me again?”

Y/N’s breath was shallow as she shook her head. “It’s not possible to love you again.” She paused for a heartbeat and then smiled and ran her free hand through his soft, silky hair. “Because I’ve never stopped.”

The relief flowing through Jensen’s body was so palpable she could feel it. He grasped the collar of her t-shirt and pulled her forward. He paused, hovering his mouth over hers.

“Can I kiss you now?”

Y/N didn’t hesitate to nod emphatically and Jensen chuckled as he settled his lips on hers.

He kissed her deeply, as he’d kissed her a thousand times before. His mouth was sinful and wicked as he slid it down her neck, before he pulled off her t-shirt and groaned at the fact that she was naked underneath.

Before long, he scooped her up and carried her to her room. The scene was reminiscent of his last visit to her apartment, but that didn’t worry her now. Because she realized something as he laid her down on her bed and his hands moved over her, palms rough, fingers strong and talented, sending waves of goosebumps rippling over her skin.

She realized that every moment he’d spent with her like this, every single time they’d been together, his every move was calculated to give her pleasure. He was never selfish. He never took her to bed without showering ecstasy upon her. Every moment he was with her, he was touching her in soft, gentle ways, and sometimes not so gentle ways, but always bringing on climax after climax, and making her feel absolute bliss.

As he brought her to new heights and pushed her over the pinnacle yet again, she understood that he’d never been lying in these moments. These moments were the times that he’d shown her over and over just how much he actually loved her.

***

Hours later Y/N was laying in Jensen’s arms, satiated and glowing; Jensen was rubbing his big hand up and down her back, as she snuggled into his side. Suddenly a thought occurred to her, and she just had to know.

“Hey, what was it that finally made you realize…well, everything you realized? I mean what shifted for you?”

Jensen growled a bit and Y/N shifted so she was looking at him as he answered. “I saw you with your date.”

“My date?” She asked quizzically.

“At the studio party three weeks ago. I was there, I saw you with that…guy.” He said, and Y/N heard the jealousy.

“At the Warner Brothers party?” She clarified.

“Yeah, I saw you with him, and went a little crazy. I started thinking about how he was going to end up with you, how he was gonna have everything I wanted. That was when I realized just how badly I’d been lying to myself, and how delusional I’d been about the person you were. Made me realize I was gonna miss out on the best thing in my life cause I was such a dumbass.”

He looked at her, concern creeping into his eyes. “I’m gonna assume since you’re here in bed with me, that you’re not with him anymore?”

Y/N felt like laughing, but instead she shook her head solemnly. “No, sadly it didn’t work out between us.” She raised an eyebrow. “His HUSBAND wouldn’t have approved of him dating me.”

It took Jensen a minute to catch up. When he did his eyes widened. “Oh!” He said, and then broke into a huge smile. “I really am a dumbass aren’t I? I’m gonna assume that was David? Your best friend from high school, the one that got married last year?”

Y/N pursed her lips and nodded. “Yes. It was.” She rolled her eyes, and then narrowed them. “Anyway, which one of us has the right to be jealous here? You, over my gay best friend? Or me, over you and your almost fiancee?”

“Hmm…” Jensen shook his head and then leaned over the side of the bed, rifling through his clothes on the floor. Y/N shifted off of him, sitting up and tucking the sheet around her nakedness to shield her from the chill of moving away from Jensen’s warm skin..

When Jensen sat back up he held something in his closed fist and wore a sheepish grin. “Actually, Tara and I were never really exclusive, and I broke things off with her completely the night of the WB party.” He shrugged. “I didn’t go ring shopping until a couple weeks after that, little over a week ago.”

Y/N was frowning, slightly confused, but her heart was leaping and her stomach was doing somersaults.

Jensen chuckled. “Took me all of this last week to work up the courage to come here and try to get you to give me another chance. I brought this along with me, just in case I was really lucky.”

He opened his fist and laying on his wide palm, was a small gold ring with a large diamond on top.

Y/N’s eyes bulged and her throat bobbed up and down as she swallowed a million times, still unable to stop the flow of tears streaming from her eyes. Jensen caught her gaze, and she’d never seen him so open, every defense had fallen, and all his vulnerability was on display as he picked up the delicate ring in his big, thick fingers and held it out to her.

“I love you more than I can ever properly express. And I don’t deserve it, but I’m gonna ask you anyway. Please, Y/N, marry me?”

Y/N was nodding wildly, a simple “yes” quite beyond her capabilities as she held out her left hand for him to take. He pushed the ring onto her fourth finger and it fit perfectly, as though it had been just waiting to slide home.

Y/N screeched and jumped at Jensen. He caught her, laughing, as her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. She ended up losing her sheet in the process - leading to another chance for Jensen to show her just how much he loved her.

1 - Jensen RPF + Any/All characters Jensen plays. @lyarr24 @deans-spinster-witch @impalaslytherin @maggiegirl17 @akshi8278 @candy-coated-misery0731 @deanswaywardgirl @slytherinlyn314 @globetrotter28 @jensensgirl @perpetualabsurdity @tristanrosspada-ackles @djs8891 @muhahaha303 @kayyay1219 @emily-winchester @recoveringpastaaddict @maximumkillshot @mimaria420 @sacriceria @envyaurora95 @lacilou @jc-winchester @spnwoman @mimi-luvzyu @jackles010378

3 - Any/All Fics (regardless of fandom/character.) @kazsrm67 @sexyvixen7 @alexxavicry @nancymcl @spalady26

4 - Everything (includes fan vid/DOOL edits as well) @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @maliburenee @supernatural4life2022 @spn730015 @kickingitwithkirk @waywardbaby @foxyjwls007 @deanwanddamons @deandreamernp @deanwithscissors @myloversgone @snowlovespie @leigh70 @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @charred-angelwings @hopefuldreamers-world @jensensgotyoudean @thoughts-and-funnies @magssteenkamp @princessmisery666 @eevvvaa @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @waynes-multiverse @mrsjenniferwinchester @bernasaurus @jensenslady79 @courtn92 @avanatural @ellie-andthemachine @this-is-me19 @roseblue373 @katbratsupernaturalwhore @fanfic-n-tabulous @k-slla

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