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ur-favorite-queer-queen · 3 years

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Internet Friends

For Maribat March day 4 theme internet friends

Master List

It was peaceful for once in the manor. Dick, Tim, Damian, Steph, Cass, and Babs were all in the living room doing their own thing. However peace cannot last forever and the silent atmosphere was interrupted by one Timothy Drake-Wayne.

“Guys come check this out!” He exclaimed, his phone facing the others in the room. They all gathered around the phone, some more annoyed than others. On screen was a video and Tim hit play.

It showed a girl with dark hair, blue eyes, and pale skin motioning for someone off screen to come over. There was music going on in the background and the girl was obviously getting impatient. The figure came on screen and they were all shocked to see it was Jason. Then at the top of the screen the words ‘Doing this trend with my overprotective best friend’ appeared and now they were very confused. Jason had never mentioned this girl before.

The music stopped and the girl repeated the lyrics “Look at my ass, look at my thighs” as she turned around. But before she could turn around Jason picked her up and carried her off screen before the video ended.

“What was that?” Dick asked after a few seconds of silence.

“It’s a trend on tik tok that girls usually do with their boyfriends, but in this case Jason and this girl are just best friends.” Steph answered.

“How does Jason even know this girl?” Dick pointed out, asking the question that was on all of their minds. Unfortunately, no one, not even Tim, knew the answer.

Cass then spoke up, “Watch more.” She grabbed Tim’s phone and played another video, however this time it was Jason holding the camera. He came over to the strange girl who looked to be baking something. She looked up at him weirdly, asking something that couldn’t be heard because of the audio playing, luckily they could read lips.

‘What are you doing?’ She asked

Jason responded with ‘Just listen.’

She turned her attention to the camera as the lyrics “That’s my best friend, that’s my best friend” played. Jason was moving to the beat and that seemed to convince the girl to also move to the beat. The song continued with more lyrics playing “She’s not my girlfriend, she’s my best friend”. Then suddenly the lyrics “I just fuck her her from time to time” played and the girl whipped out her spoon and started whacking him on the head with it. She was screaming ‘LIES’ just before the video cut out.

This led to them going on a spree of watching their tik toks. Apparently this was their shared account and both of them had separate accounts they planned to look at later. An hour had passed of them just watching their tik toks before they stumbled upon an intriguing one. The caption was ‘You guys asked for it, so I’ll explain. This is going to be my side of the story.’

It showed Margot, as they had found out her name was, sitting on her bed recording herself painting her nails a blood red as she talked.

“Ok so you guys have been asking for this for a while so here it is. How I met Jason part one. And Jason will also be doing his side of the story, just so you’re aware, watch that after this. But this also takes place after the whole ‘Hawkmoth and Lila Incident’ so if you haven’t watched that storytime on my personal account, you should probably go do that.”

One look at each other and they knew they were gonna look at the story afterwards. It was getting too good to leave now.

“So a long time ago I had a venting account on Instagram. Now I had many venting accounts, all with different usernames, including Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, all that good stuff but Instagram is where I met Jason. I posted something about how death could never stop me because I had died by the hands of an akuma before but ladybug’s cure brought me back to life. But then later on in the post I said something about how if this one boy, you all know who he is, couldn’t take a hint then I would rather let death take me than bother living in this mortal realm. Jason ended up seeing the post since we were following each other at the time and DMed me. Now he said and I quote ‘Yo, my username at the time, if you need me to come and beat this guys ass I would be more than happy too. I would gladly let death claim me as well without your shit posts to relate to.’”

She had tried to make her voice sound deeper and had stopped painting her nails so she could do air quotes. “Looking back on it now, that is such a Jason thing to say, but at the time I was pretty confused and mildly concerned. And time’s up, part two will be posted right now.”

“Wait, what the heck is an akuma and ladybug’s cure and why did she die from it!?!?!” Dick shouted once the video ended.

“Dick you don’t know what she’s talking about?” Babs asked in disbelief.

“Tt, Grayson, and I thought you were one of the smart ones in this family.” Damian scoffed.

“Does everyone here, but me, know what she's talking about?” Dick questioned, getting yes and nods from everyone in the room.

“Okay Dick,” Tim began, “This is gonna be pretty unbelievable and complicated so I’ll try to explain it as best I can in a short amount of time so we can finish her side of the story before dinner. So while I’m explaining don’t interrupt me.”

He waited for Dick to nod his head before continuing. “There are jewelry called miraculous that house mini gods that grant powers to whoever has the jewelry. Each miraculous houses a different god thus a different power. Miraculous themselves, including the gods bound to them, are neutral so they can be used for good or evil depending on who wields them.

Hawkmoth and Mayura used the butterfly and peacock miraculouses for evil purposes and were basically emotional terrorists to the people of Paris. Hawkmoth was able to send out a butterfly with magic to a person feeling negative emotions and manipulate them to do his bidding. These butterflies and villains created by the butterflies were called akumas. If you were or became an akuma you were akumatized. Mayura was able to send out a feather with magic that also used negative emotions to create a monster that aided the akuma. The feathers were called amuks and the monsters were called sentimonsters.

That was when the heroes Ladybug and Chat Noir also came along and fought Hawkmoth. Ladybug had the ladybug miraculous which granted her the power of lucky charm and miraculous ladybug. Lucky charm gave her an item needed to defeat the akuma and miraculous ladybug reversed all the damage a fight caused. She also had the task of purifying the akuma, turning it back into a butterfly. Chat Noir had the black cat miraculous which granted the power of cataclysm, which made it so he could destroy anything he touched. The 2 worked as a team for around a year before they brought in other temporary heroes who are not that important. Eventually all their temp heroes’ identities were outed and they could no longer use them so they were back to square one.

However many people noticed that Chat Noir was not taking his job as seriously, he began sitting out battles, flirting with ladybug while there was an akuma, and even getting civilians killed, relying too heavily on ladybug’s cure. We’re not exactly sure what happened, we assumed she snapped because one akuma attack Chat Noir was not there. Instead, there was a whole new team of miraculous wielders including Murder Hornet wielder of the bee miraculous who had the power venom which let her temporarily paralize her opponent, Red Illusion wielder of the fox miraculous who had the power mirage which let him create illusions, Peridot Protector wielder of the turtle miraculous who had the power shelter which allowed him to create indestructible shields, Medusa wielder of the snake miraculous who had the power second chance which allowed her to reset the time line as many times as needed to win the battle, Mustang wielder of the horse miraculous who had the power voyage which let him create portals, and a new black cat holder, Midnight.

The team took 6 months to defeat Hawkmoth and Mayura, who turned out to be Gabriel Agreste and Natalie Sancour. The Justice League tried to recruit them but they all wanted to live normal lives. Ladybug still checks in every 3-6 months to reassure everyone she still has all the miraculous. I don’t blame them, especially Ladybug, for wanting a normal life. This whole thing started when they were around 13 and ended when they were around 17.”

Tim then clicked on part two of her story, not even waiting for Dick to recover from the huge information dump.

It was the exact same place she was at in part one, and she was still painting her nails the same shade of blood red. “Okay guys part two of how Jason and I met. If you didn’t watch part one go watch then return to this one. So picking up where we left off I Dmed him back and we ended up having a very long conversation about murder, people not understanding the word no, and spineless cowards. This went on for quite a while of us just messaging each other and eventually we gave each other our emails and then phone numbers. I gave him my phone number just before I moved out of Paris. After like 6 months of texting we planned to meet up at some park in New York that was near the apartment I lived at at the time. Now in hindsight that was a very dumb move on my part so to all the kids watching don’t go meeting up with strangers you meet on the internet. Do as I say not as I did. I almost regretted my decision to meet up with him because he is intimidating as hell! He’s like over 6 foot tall, with muscles the size of my head! I honestly thought that I had put myself in a very bad situation but thankfully he was just as nice in real life like he was over text. We ended up hanging out a lot more and long story short we’re best friends!”

It was at this point that she looked directly into the camera with a glare that could rival Batman’s, stating, “Literally just best friends to all the people who think shipping us is okay!” And just like that, it was gone, “Anyways see you guys next video, bye!”

And with that the video ended and the Wayne children, minus Jason obviously, were left wondering how they missed the fact Jason had a female best friend. One where they declared their friendship on the internet nonetheless!

“Well that was certainly something.” Steph commented.

“Yeah, who knew Jason could have a non hero friend that we didn’t know about.” Tim joked.

“So are we gonna watch Jason’s part?” Dick asked.

“I don’t think we have time for that, but we can watch it after dinner.” Tim suggested, “Alfred is probably on his way to get us right now.”

“Tt, what do we do now?” Damian questioned.

It was then that Cass stole Tim’s phone and started to play a new tik tok. And it showed Margot trying to teach Jason how to do the WAP dance. They were never letting him hear the end of this.

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I am literally so sorry for that huge information dump with the miraculous. I did not expect to get that carried away while writing and by the time I realized it, it was too late and I had to post. Honestly because of how much I wrote I will probably use the miraculous holders names in a future fic, cause I’m lazy. :P Also if you wanna guess their identities feel free to! Anyways tomorrows prompt fic thing will be like a prequel for this one, it’s basically why Marinette now goes by Margot and why she lived/lives in New York. The prompt “Betrayal" will be connected to this as well. :) Also sorry this was posted so late, I had things to do, that I still need to do...I hate procrastination

@maribatmarch-2k21

#maribatmarch2021 #maribat #maribat march #internet friends #platonic jasonette #tik tok

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natromanxoff · 4 years

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Freddie Mercury and the Wade Deacon/Halewood Connection (by Mike Royden)

...Freddie lived for music, and in August 1969 he seized upon the opportunity he’d been waiting for – to sing in a band. Too impatient to form one of his own, he did the next best thing and found himself a ready-made outfit. His quarry was Ibex, a Merseyside-base trio comprising Mike Bersin (guitar and vocals.) and John ‘Tupp’ Taylor (bass and vocals) and a drummer by the name of Mike ‘Miffer’ Smith.

...“We met the members of Smile at a pub called the Kensington,” recalls ‘Tupp’ Taylor. “We saw them play a couple of times and they were really good. They had a great vocal-harmony thing going. Tim Staffell, their bass player, was a really good singer, and Freddie was a mate of theirs. We’d all sit around and have amazing vocal sessions singing Bee Gees, Beach Boys and Beatles songs. We could do great harmonies because there was three of them in Smile, myself, Mike Bersin, who’d chip in, and Freddie, of course.”

At this point, it was common knowledge among the Smile crowd that Freddie was desperate to get into Brian and Roger’s band. Perhaps joining Ibex might be a way in.

“Freddie hadn’t quite persuaded Smile to take him on as a vocalist,” confirms Mike Bersin. “They thought they were doing OK as they were. So, he said, “You know what you guys need, and that’s a vocalist.’ He was right, too, as John Taylor recalls: “I wasn’t the world’s greatest singer by any stretch of the imagination.” And as Ken Testi reveals “Mike had never been confident about his singing, but had been pushed into it.”

Freddie first met Ibex on 13th August 1969. Such was his enthusiasm, that just ten days later, he’d learned the bands’ set, brought in a few new songs, and had travelled up to Bolton, Lancashire, for a gig with them – his debut public performance. The date was 23rd August, and the occasion was one of Bolton’s regular afternoon ‘Bluesology’ sessions, held at the town’s Octagon theatre. For Ibex and friends, it was the event of the summer. No fewer than 15 bodies, including Freddie, Ken Testi, and the band’s other roadie Geoff Higgins, Paul Humberstone, assorted friends and girlfriends, plus Ibex’s instruments were squeezed into a transit van borrowed from Richard Thompson, a mate of Freddie’s who’d previously drummed in ‘1984’ with Brian May and Tim Staffell.

...The following day, Ibex appeared in the first ‘Bluesology pop-in’, an open-air event on the bandstand in Bolton’s Queen’s Park. On the bill were local band Back, another called Birth, Spyrogyra, Gum Boot Smith, The White Myth, Stuart Butterworth, Phil Renwick and, of course, Ibex. In a report published the day before the Bolton Evening News wrote ‘The last -named act make a journey from London especially for the concert. The climax of the whole affair will be a supergroup, in which all the performers will play together. If the weather is fine the noise should be terrific”.

Remarkably, for such a relatively inauspicious event, Freddie’s first-ever public performance was extremely well documented. There were at least three photographers present, and the proceedings were covered in Bolton’s Evening News for the second time on 25th August. This even featured an uncredited photograph of Freddie, with the caption: ‘One of the performers gets into his stride’ If Freddie wanted to be a star, he was going about it the right way.”

“Freddie really loved going up to Bolton to play with Ibex,” remembers Paul Humberstone. “He was really on form. The band was very basic, but good. They did very reasonable cover versions, and were very loud. That was his very first outing with the band, but Fred struck his pose. Remember him doing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’? He was like that only without the eye makeup.”

“Freddie was shy offstage,” recalls Ken Testi, “but he knew how to front a show. It was his way of expressing that side of his personality. Everything on stage later in Queen, he was doing with Ibex at his first gig: marching from one end of the stage to another, from left to right and back again. Stomping about. He brought dynamics, freshness and presentation to the band that had been completely lacking previously.”

Mike Bersin agrees: “As a three piece, we’d thought it was sufficient to play fairly basic music and not worry too much about stage craft. Freddie was much better at putting on a show and entertaining people. That was pretty radical for us. I thought that’s what the light show was for, you know, we make the music and the audience can watch the pretty coloured bubbles behind us, but Freddie was different. He was so wonderfully camp in that beautifully English foppish way. With hindsight, I recognise the determination to succeed that he had in spades. He demanded to be treated as a star before he was one. His talent and ambition made people react in very different ways, but it wasn't an unpleasant thing.

As the rest of us would wear jeans and trench coats, he was the fur-and-satin man and all the moves and poses he had with Queen, were already there with Ibex, he never imitated anybody, Freddie was Freddie from day one, he was entirely his own creation and a culture shock. He worked extremely hard to be something worth to look at and to listen to. He only had one pair of boots, one t-shirt, one pair of trousers, one belt and one jacket. Still he remained immaculate. We had some gigs in Bolton which were very significant to the band. While we were getting ready, Freddie had been backcombing his long hair to make it stand out more and twitching himself in the mirror for ages. I eventually yelled at him: 'For God's sake, stop messing with your hair, Freddie!', to which he responded: 'But I'm a star, dear boy!'. There is not a lot you can say to that. In many ways, you felt Freddie almost wasn't real.”

“I don’t think Freddie developed,” reckons John ‘Tupp’ Taylor. “The first day he stood in front of that crowd, he had it all going. It seemed as if he’d been practicing for years to be ready. We’d only ever sang together as mates before that. We’d never done anything by way of trying it out. He was going to be in the band and everyone was happy with that. Once Freddie was in, we changed in loads of different directions. We began to play ‘Jailhouse Rock’, for a start! I think that was the first thing we did with him on stage.”

Back in London, a revitalised Ibex began to make plans. “Freddie and the band very quickly became inseparable,” remembers Ken Testi. “They were spending large parts of their time together, working out a new set which included different covers and some original stuff.”

Mike Bersin: “Freddie was the most musical of all of us. He was trained on the piano, and he could write on the black notes. He said ‘We’re never going to get anywhere playing all this three-chord blues crap, we’ll have to write some songs.’ A couple of things came out of it, but they’ve all vanished now. I can’t imagine they would be very satisfactory anyway – largely because he was working with me, and my understanding of music was incredibly rudimentary. We used to argue about whether we should put in key changes. I’d say ‘What do you want a key change for?’ And he’d say that it made a song more interesting, it gave it a lift. I’d think ‘Why has he got this thing about gratuitous key changes?’ The idea of changing the key of a song just because it made it more interesting to listen to was really alien to me.That said, Geoff Higgins remembers at least one decent Bulsara-Bersin tune: “ They did a great song called ‘Lover; the lyrics used to go, ‘Lover, you never believe me’ and Fred later turned it into ‘Liar, you never believe me’ It was almost the same tune, but not quite. In fact, it was similar to ‘Communication Breakdown’, they used to rip off Led Zeppelin a lot.”

That said, Geoff Higgins remembers at least one decent Bulsara-Bersin tune: “ They did a great song called ‘Lover; the lyrics used to go, ‘Lover, you never believe me’ and Fred later turned it into ‘Liar, you never believe me’ It was almost the same tune, but not quite. In fact, it was similar to ‘Communication Breakdown’, they used to rip off Led Zeppelin a lot.”

Before they knew it, however, the summer was over and it was September. Mike Bersin returned to Liverpool to begin his pre-diploma years at the local art college, at what is now John Moores University. With nothing better to celebrate than the new term, the pre-dip freshers threw a party, and who better to provide the entertainment than Mike’s band, Ibex? Subsequently Ibex’s third and final gig took place on 9th September 1969 at the Sink Club in Liverpool, a former soul-blue hang out in the basement of the Rumbling Tum – a place Ken Testi remembers as a “pretty dodgy, post beatnik café”.

...Geoff has a further revelation, which called to mind Paul McCartney’s presence in the audience at the first-ever recording of John Lennon with the Quarry Men back in 1957. “Smile were in Liverpool that night… playing another club, possibly the Green Door. And because we were at the Sink, they came down to see us.” The rest of the story is almost too good to be true. Brimming with encouragement for their flamboyant friend Brian May and Roger Taylor wasted no time in joining Freddie on stage (or as near as they could get.) They probably bashed out a few Smile numbers and this occasion marked the first time the three of them played together in front of an audience. “We virtually had Queen in there,” remarks Ken Testi, “although of course we didn’t know it then.” However, here’s the sting: although Geoff Higgins’ tape recorder was still only yards away at the time, the tape ran out before the three musicians had the chance to play a note together.

Wreckage

Sometime between 9th September and the end of October 1969, probably while Freddie was staying with Geoff Higgins in Liverpool, [flat above Dovedale Towers, Penny Lane], Ibex underwent a mini upheaval – at Freddie’s instigation. “I recall him canvassing the idea of calling the band Wreckage, but nobody was enthusiastic,” reveals Mike Bersin. “Then he phoned me one night and said, ‘the others don’t mind. How do you feel?’ I said. ‘If they agree then fine’. So, we went along to the next rehearsal and all the gear had been sprayed ‘Wreckage’. When I spoke to the others about it, Freddie had phoned them all up and had the same conversation”.

The name-change went hand-in-hand with the departure of drummer Mike ‘Miffer’ Smith as Freddie documented in a letter to Celine Daley. Dated 26th October the letter bears the address 40, Ferry Road, Barnes SW13 – another flat rented that summer by members of Ibex, Smile and various associates.

‘Miffer’ is not with us anymore,” wrote Freddie, “cause the bastard just got up and left one morning saying he was going to be a milkman back in Widnes. (he meant it too).” He goes on to boast that Roger and he go ‘poncing and ultrablagging just about everywhere,” which led to the pair “being termed as a couple of queens.” Interestingly, this word doesn’t seem to imply any of its more modern connotations. There was another term for that, as Ibex’s former drummer was well aware. “Miffer, the sod,” wrote Freddie, “went and told everyone down here that I had seriously turned into a fully-fledged queer.”

“You can see he was exploring the concept there, can’t you?” interjects Mike Bersin, “to see how many people felt about it and how comfortable he was with it. He was always very camp, but when I knew him, he was living with Mary Austin, and I certainly knew at least one other girlfriend he knew at the time. So, he was kind of straight then, but if he hadn’t come out of the closet, he was certainly looking through the keyhole.”

Crucially, as far as Queen’s pre-history is concerned, Freddie pinpoints the date when Ibex became Wreckage: “Our first booking as Wreckage is on Friday, 31st October at Ealing College,” he wrote. He also names Richard Thompson, the former drummer in Brian May’s 1984, as Miffer’s replacement.

“I’d known Freddie for years,” Richard recalls. “I first met him in 1966. I used to go round his house to listen to Beatles records. Then we’d go and watch Smile play, before he joined Ibex. I knew all of Ibex’s songs, as I’d watch them perform, so there was no point auditioning anyone else.”

With Wreckage’s first (and Freddie’s forth) concert appearance just five days away, the band set about rehearsing a new set. “Mike came down today,” wrote Freddie to Celine, “for a five-hour live marathon practise. Richard collapsed halfway through and I’ve really gone and lost my voice (no kidding). It hurts just to breathe. Hope I’m OK for this Friday, ‘cause I’m going to out-ponce everybody in sight. (it shall be easy.)” Freddie ended the letter with this hitherto unpublished information: “We’ve written a few new numbers: 1) ‘Green’; 2) ‘Without You’, 3) ‘Blag-a-blues’, 4) ‘Cancer on My Mind’ (originally called ‘Priestess’.)

“Freddie always had very unusual titles at that stage.” Recalls Mike Bersin. “I can’t remember what ‘Green’ was about. It might be the one with the intro which went, E, A, D, G, D, A, E, A, D, G, D, A in guitar chords”. As neither Ibex nor Wreckage went within striking distance of a recording studio, none of these songs was ever recorded officially. Miraculously, however one of them has survived – and it’s the one that stuck in Mike Bersin’s mind, ‘Green’.

...“We also played somewhere in Richmond, at a rugby club,” recalls John Taylor. “A friend of Brian May’s arranged it, and Brian came along. He thought our image was ‘savage’. He thought we were really good. ‘Oh Savage’ he said.”

#ibex #ibex band #wreckage #wreckage band #freddie mercury #smile #smile band #roger taylor #brian may

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yoificfinder · 4 years

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hi! i hope youre well! do you have any personal favorite otayuri fics? thank you so much!

I'm doing fine, thanks nonnie! Some of the Victuuri fics I recced have Otayuri as a secondary pairing so do check out the masterlist if you haven't yet. And here are other fics I enjoyed with Otayuri as the main pairing:

(Almost) Made It by Mtrash (Makaria) [E, 35K] *WIP

He sees the blond young man and his first thought is - pretty.

His second thought is - he’s going to die.

(AU where they fall in love while killing zombies and trying not to get eaten. Fun times.)

adventures in personal growth series by stutter [T and E, 23K]

Summary of first fic:

When Victor was his age - younger, even, Yuri thinks, shame blooming in his chest - he’d made the whole world fall in love with him already. The long hair, the soft smile, the way he moved like he had a secret in his skin and he couldn't wait to share it with you. Yuri’s watched the tapes over and over. He could skate any of Victor’s early routines in his sleep. But he can't - the thing Victor could do so easily, the casual, guileless charisma he threw like a shadow - Yuri can't manage it on a single person, not even some moody Kazakh with a dumb haircut whose eyes are too far apart anyway -

(In Park Guell, Yuri takes a hard fall. Otabek picks him up.)

Amor Vincit Omnia by @AuthorMAGrant [E, 80K]

Otabek Altin is the Brotherhood's most diligent soldier, expertly hunting and killing the vampiric enemies of humanity, until he faces a bloodthirsty Russian punk named Yuri who kicks his ass ... and captures his attention as no one else ever has. The lines between hatred and lust blur, and the deeper Otabek falls into Yuri's world, the more he questions the Brotherhood and its orders. Now, what should have been a simple eradication trip to America has become a fight to determine whether Otabek will remain the obedient soldier of his youth or the warrior who may earn a love he's never deserved.

Cities in Dust series by @blownwish-blog [E, 52K] *Underage + aside from Otayuri, also contains Pliroy, Jjbek, and Otapliroy

Summary of first fic:

Yuri Plisetsky met them both on his knees in the boys' room. One would stay, the other could not. America was one fucked up country.

(The 80s high school au you didn't ask for.)

constellations by @worldofcopperwings [T, 2K]

His fingers drop from his hair and slide over the skin above his left hipbone. On the previously unmarked expanse of skin, there is a web of dark lines, connecting to form a geometric outline of a bear.

A soulmark. Yuri furrows his brow. He has a fucking soulmark, and it sure as hell wasn’t there when he showered before work. Which means the person the universe considers predestined for Yuri was at the venue tonight, prompting the emergence of the mark.

Yuri frowns at the bear adorning his hip. He doesn’t subscribe to the concept of soulmates. It’s complete bullshit that someone else gets to decide who Yuri should be with.

From Almaty, With Love series by BoxWineConfessions [E, 155K]

Summary of first fic:

It’s quiet here. Even if the car alarm on the neighbor’s goddamn BMW has been going off for the past twenty minutes. Quiet, even though the alarm’s got the neighbor’s dog howling like crazy, and the neighbor works second shift and isn’t there to comfort the dumb dog.

It’s quiet…They haven’t spoken to each other since that morning, when Yuri went off to go see his tutor, and Otabek went off to do whatever the hell it was he did in the mornings before he hit the rink.

“You’re used to the noise?”

“Yeah, but…I think I like the quiet too.”

Or: Yuri spends the summer with Otabek in Almaty.

hood & glove by @fahye, @hawberries [T, 12K]

"I don't mess with the fae," Otabek says.

"I'm not asking you to mess with them," JJ flat-out lies.

Howl by Anna (arctic_grey) / @finleighsaid [E, 72K]

Yuri Plisetsky may have been a seasoned figure skater at the age of nineteen, but in hindsight he should have known that a steep learning curve was due: his new coach Viktor was in overdrive over his pregnant mate Yuuri Katsuki, who was now retired and waddling around the rink like a ticking time bomb. St. Petersburg was having the hottest summer in decades, training was gruelling, and for the first time since they’d met, Yuri and Otabek began to fall out. Over what, Yuri wasn’t even sure: it was almost as if casual sex with your best friend eventually came with consequences.

OR the alpha!Yuri and alpha!Otabek love slamdown, with a side of obnoxious Viktuuri.

let's not overanalyze by @alykapediaaa [T, 4K]

“I’ve put worse things inside my mouth,” Otabek says, deadpan, prompting a strangled noise from Yuri.

Yuri hisses and tries very hard not to think about the things Otabek had put in his mouth. He fails. “I’m disowning you.”

(Or: Yuri Plisetsky has a crush. Again.)

songs about love series by sarahyyy [T, 8K]

Summary of first fic:

“Are you not going to read the article?” she asks, flopping onto his bed. “Look who ranked second, just after Phichit Chulanont.”

Otabek reluctantly scrolls down, and oh.

#2 - Yuri Plisetsky

In the embedded Instagram photo just under that subheading, a very grumpy Yuri is cuddling a very grumpy-looking cat. The caption reads: I found the cat version of me at the shelter today. #iknowisaidnomorecats #canyoublameme

(Or, the AU where Otabek and Yuri don't becomes friends in Barcelona, and there are years of pining.)

what's a mob to a king, what's a king to an emo teenager? by @crossroadswrite [T, 12K]

Yuri has very clear and specific instructions about how he should act around Prince Otabek Altin of Khazhakhstahnia, and none of them include giving him the up and down and going “What the fuck are you wearing?”

Prince Otabek Altin of Khazhakhstahnia glances down at his expensive-looking Disney Prince tunic and matching pants that look like they costed more than Yuri’s iPhone.

To be completely fair, he looks very good in it, and Yuri’s surprise was more about how good he looks than the actual clothes. Also the amount of green and gold assaulting his eyes. No one should be allowed to wear that much green and look good.

“Clothes,” Prince Otabek Altin of Khazhakhstahnia says. Then looks over at Yuri, eyeing his leopard print Vans with a raised eyebrow.

Yuri is going to fight him.

(or: the princess protection program au that was supposed to be quick and messy and short, but instead its over 10k and people have emotions.)

You Might Say I Like To Play One-on-One With You by blackmountainbones [E, 3K]

The thing is, Yuri’s seen dicks before. He’s a sixteen-year-old in the internet age; he’s seen more penises penetrate more holes than he can count. It’s not like he’s never seen a real dick, either: between all the time he spends at the rink or at the gym, he’s bound to have seen more than a few naked dongs. Nudity, Yuri thinks, is no big deal.

At least until he catches a glimpse of Otabek in the onsen and discovers that nudity is a very big deal, indeed.

Yuri's Snapshots series by @onotherflights [M and E, 8K]

Summary of first fic:

When Yuri was nineteen, things changed. He fell in love with skating again, and he finally felt like himself after the year he had endured being lost. He fell in love again later that year, but that one had been a long time coming.

I put a limit of one fic per author but I suggest you check out some of these authors' other works (especially those who exclusively write Otayuri) because there are other good stories not included in this list.

Also, as I'm searching for fics to put here (after everything that I remember off the top of my head/found in my bookmarks), I realized there are a looot I've read that I wanna rec but it's overwhelming so let me just link this ao3 search of Otayuri fics sorted by kudos as something to start with.

If anyone else has a fave Otayuri fic or author, please feel free to rec.

---

ETA - Other people's rec:

Pride and Other Madness series by @basilique

Thanks for the rec, @a-midnight-luna! ❤

#yuri on ice #yoi #yoi fic rec #otayuri

39 notes · View notes

thebibliomancer · 4 years

Text

Essential Avengers: King-Size Annual Amazing Spider-Man #16: “Who’s That Lady?”

October, 1982

In case you wondered why I would keep titling my posts Essential Avengers: Avengers its because sometimes the thing after the colon won’t be Avengers.

Maybe I should have titled this liveblog something else but I’m in too deep.

This sure is a fun, striking cover featuring an all-new, all-different, and all-terrific Captain Marvel.

Memorable.

You may not remember who Captain Marvel is. He has come up a couple times in Avengers but in modern times, ‘he’ is not going to connect intuitively with Captain Marvel, especially now that Marvel has won the long tug-of-war with DC.

Here’s some courtesy links to the time the Avengers crossed into the Thanos War storyline from the Captain Marvel book.

But the long story short is that Captain Marvel was invented to trademark squat the name Captain Marvel, was a Kree captain who went against his people to help Earth, became a super saiyan, fought Thanos a bunch, got cancer, and died. In fact, he died February 1982 so its fairly recent that Marvel killed him off but since they still want to trademark squat, they need another Captain Marvel.

Hence, this.

And I’m very excited about this hence.

So, I’ve read a couple of Spider-Man annuals included in trades or as singles over the years and its interesting how often they are used to promote a new character. Spider-Man is the ultimate hype man.

So the ultimate hype man is at a bus station as the captions tell us how amazing he is, when his spider-sense goes squiggle lines to a perfectly normal woman walking past.

And the issue title and Peter are both like “Who’s That Lady?”

Peter’s second thought is how hot she is because... eh, he doesn’t get married until 1987.

Peter Parker: “Wow! I’ve never seen anyone like her before... not in the port authority bus terminal! She’s... stunning! Yeah... so why am I getting a spider-sense tingle from her? I can’t believe that she’d present any sort of threat... but my spider-sense never reacted to out-and-out beauty before!”

And since he has fifteen spare minutes until his Good Pals Liz and Hary Osborn’s bus shows up, he decides to stalk her a little. Y’know. For the public safety??

Geez.

He also sees that she’s going into a Bad Neighborhood and throws in a little victim blame, why not.

Peter: “Whoops! She’s definitely an out-of-towner! Native New Yorkers know better than to stroll through this neighborhood -- especially dressed as well as she is! She’s practically asking to be mugged!”

But since (and this may come as a surprise to you) mild-mannered Peter Parker is in fact, the Amazing Spider-Man, he darts into an alley to change into his spider-jammies and play guardian angel.

Of course, the instant he goes to change clothes is the instant that a pair of individuals accost the mysterious woman.

The one who looks like Kisuke Urahara fallen on hard times grabs her purse and runs off. Mysterious Woman gives chase because hey, that’s her purse you creep!

But it was a weird ruse to lure her away to a more secluded area and guy two grabs the Mysterious Woman.

So she flips him over her back and hits the purse snatcher with him.

I’m liking where this is going.

Guy Two, aka Mojo but not that one, decides maybe a knife will make Mysterious Woman be more pliant.

So Mysterious Woman dodges the knife thrust and then kicks the shit out of Mojo.

I’m continue to liking where this is going.

Guy one (Scud) decides that not getting beaten up is the better part of valor and takes off.

Right into Spider-Man’s fist.

Ah, excellent. Every uppanced has come.

Spider-Man notices that Mysterious Woman is making his spider-sense buzz harder than ever and decides that instead of lurking, he should just come right out and ask her deal.

By which he means jump out from behind her and suddenly start talking because taking people by surprise is always a good idea.

Anyway, the Mysterious Woman assumes that Spider-Man was Scud and on instinct swivels around and does him a shove. A really hard shove into a pile of garbage that knocks him senseless.

“It happens in a split second! Even before Spider-Man’s feet can touch the ground... even as his special senses tell him that he’s made a serious mistake... a sudden burst of pure force sends him flying.”

Goes to show. Don’t sneak up on people? Yeah, probably.

Mysterious Woman is like oh shit I just knocked out Spider-Man god damn I gotta get my power under control.

Then she CHOOMs her pantsuit into oblivion and reveals that she was dressed in layers with a more super-something outfit underneath.

Which is impressive considering that her outfit has some kind of wings/cape that go from the back to the arms that would not have fit under the pantsuit jacket. And also the boots probably wouldn’t have fit under the heels.

All in all, this may be the greatest display of power so far.

She does have to put on the mask/cowl and gloves because there’s not much of a way for those to have fit underneath.... her skin?

The wing/cape also has a pocket which means its also practical.

Nice.

So Spider-Man comes to musing that maybe he shouldn’t leap right at someone his spider-sense is telling him is dangerous.

And then the Mysterious Woman takes off from the alley with a KLA-BOOM - seemingly turning into a bolt of lightning and lighting up the sky over the Empire State Building.

Spider-Man: “Who am I up against here? And do I really want to find out?”

That’s a pretty striking costume.

The white and black contrast nice and the nova burst icon looks rad.

Not a fan of masks that don’t cover up much of anything. At that point you may as well not wear one? And the cape doesn’t make much sense for her powers? But it also has a pocket for her keys so and cash which makes it practical so I guess it balances out.

But overall its striking and memorable.

So up on the Empire State Building, this Mysterious Woman introduced as Captain Marvel so I can drop the pretense and start calling her Captain Marvel and hey wait the cover said Captain Marvel too, I’ve lived a sham.

But Captain Marvel muses about how big New York is compared to New Orleans and leans right into the flashback zone, because its time for the all-new all-different all-terrific Captain Marvel’s entire origin.

Just jammed right into the middle of this annual.

Lt. Monica Rambeau worked as one of New Orleans’ harbor patrol.

And in this flashback zone, she was just passed up for promotion and is unhappy about it. According to her, she was better than any of the people chosen and thinks that she was passed up because she’s a woman.

The Harbormaster says that Actually Its Because You’re a Loose Cannon and Doesn’t Do Things By the Book and also how dare you accuse him of sexism, gtfo of his office.

Harbor patrol is basically like boat cops, right?

At least he didn’t ask for her gun and badge.

Monica stomps back to her office, which I guess she has despite being a lieutenant. Good on her!

Professor Andre LeClare, a war buddy of Monica’s grandfather, is waiting for her in her office to ask for help.

In the advanced physics field Professor LeClare is considered a bit of a crackpot and only one man ever listened to his theories. A Generalissimo Ernesto Ramirez, a South American dictator.

In hindsight, LeClare acknowledges that maybe he didn’t do due diligence before accepting a job from a dictator but he was the only one who offered to fund his research.

Professor LeClare had discovered a way from drawing energy from other universes and dimensions (which I vaguely remember as the plot of an Asimov novel) but whoops, the actual dictator wants to weaponize it.

LeClare flees the Vague South American Country after failing to dissuade Ramirez but the dictator is undaunted and gets LeClare’s former assistant Felipe Picaro to continue the work on an old oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico.

Professor LeClare told the American government but nobody believed him. But if the weapon is completed it “will make the atomic bomb look like a wet match.”

Which: good lord.

Monica can understand why its hard to believe because she can barely believe it herself.

She’d also like to know what the professor even expect from her.

Professor LeClare: “Frankly, I’m not sure. I was hoping you could think of some way to convince the authorities. I had heard that you tend to approach things in a less orthodox manner than most.”

Monica, toasting with her Monica mug: “You’re not the only one who’s made that observation. Hmm... maybe I can think of something. After all, I have tomorrow off... and it is the least I could do for an old friend of the family.”

Seriously, that’s a cool mug, Monica.

The next morning, Monica takes LeClare out on a borrowed boat to go investigate the oil rig.

She’s going to investigate while the professor, and she is very clear on this, stays hidden on the boat.

Monica is a bit out of her depth here (nautical pun) because she doesn’t actually believe the professor, doesn’t have any jurisdiction out in the middle of the gulf, and even if she did doesn’t have any official backing from her boat cop boss. But she figures it won’t hurt to humor the old man.

Said old man also salutes her and calls her “mon capitaine” when she tells him to hide on the boat.

When she boats up to the oil rig, many armed guards politely tell her that this is private property and she needs to kindly gtfo.

But Monica has a secret weapon. You may have heard that she’s unorthodox and doesn’t do things by the book.

Her secret weapon is a winning smile but also a bikini.

Not only are all the guards ready to go ‘hey security isn’t as important as a woman in a bikini’ so is Dr. Picaro, the guy in charge on the rig.

Lets see Genis manage that.

So she manages to get a picnic with head honcho Picaro. Although he’s a creepy and stares a lot. But when she’s trying to sweet-talk him into spilling many of the beans, an intruder alarm goes off.

Guess who didn’t listen to the explicit instructions to stay on the boat, snuck onto the oil rig, tried to sabotage the project, and got caught?

Did you guess Professor LeClare? Because it was Professor LeClare.

Picaro is tickled to see his old boss here.

LeClare: “Picaro, you mustn’t use this device! You don’t understand the forces involved!”

Picaro: “I understand perfectly, LeClare! My energy disruptor, powered by the fruits of your theory, can totally obliterate any city within 200 miles!”

This shit is why Reed Richards is useless. You invent something useful like a device that steals energy from another universe and some asshole rolls in and goes ‘okay but can I make people explode with it?’

Wakanda invents the cure for cancer in a widely unpopular move, looks at the Marvel universe, and goes ‘someone is definitely going to try to turn this into a weapon, smh.’

Picaro is so drunk on his own hype that he decides he might as well do the first test here and now. And by here I mean Fort Benning, Georgia and by do the first test I mean wipe it off the map.

I feel like even if you had a new super-weapon effective enough to make the atomic bomb look like a wet match, this isn’t a very strategic way to use it.

But that’s why they call it mad with power, not reasonable with power.

Monica has bit by bit started to believe the professor and at this point it doesn’t matter whether she thinks any of this is possible as long as Picaro does.

So she elbow shoves him out of the way and punches the machine to death.

Because Monica Rambeau.

Of course it explodes.

That’s the natural reaction to being punched by Monica Rambeau.

Good thing this wasn’t an active oil rig!

Back in New Orleans, a streak of light strikes a wharf and turns into Monica Rambeau.

She staggers around the wharf in a daze, dizzy and finding it hard to think, but knowing she has to find help for the professor. Who may or may not have just been in an explosion.

She bangs on a... I don’t know. Some kind of storeroom or something. And bangs on the locked door, looking for help. She feels that she needs to get inside.

And the next thing she knows she’s somehow inside, without, to her best knowledge, interacting at all with the door.

Kinda mysterious. But she explicitly decides to worry about that later. She spots a radio and decides to broadcast a mayday on naval frequencies.

She doesn’t notice that the radio is unplugged and not really connected to anything.

And in fairness, reality doesn’t notice either.

Some energy suffuses the microphone and broadcasts her mayday message to a boat out in the Gulf of Mexico. The radio operator acknowledges the mayday and wonders what kind of power the sender was using because it came across too loud too clear.

Hmmm. What a mysterious happening.

Could Monica have, through being caught in a lab accident, gained amazing and spectacular powers?

Why, of course!

What genre do you think you’re reading?

With the message sent out, Monica spares some time to worry about what the heck that happened to her and realize that wow its cold in here in just a swimsuit!

Luckily, the random building is a storage warehouse with racks of costumes left over from Mardi Gras! What luck!

Of course, Mardi Gras. Most of it is less than she’s already wearing.

But she manages to combine parts of several outfits into one combined outfit. And even puts on a mask to spare herself the embarrassment of being spotted dressed like this!

I like that her costume is literally just something she threw together. Although I now have to wonder what the original outfits she scavenged from were like.

Actually, what I really like is that her original goal was to find something warm to wear. But she has superpowers now so has a superhero brain and superhero brain says ‘costume.’

So Monica puts on a superhero costume, even though she just wanted some pants.

Now dressed, she wanders out into the wharf and notices bolts of energy shooting up into the sky from the direction of the oil rig.

Worried about the professor, Monica manages to transport herself in a bolt of light to the oil rig.

These are some user friendly powers.

When Monica arrives she finds a bunch of already unconscious guards strewn about the landing pad.

She runs into the oil rig just in time to see Picaro shoot the professor.

Dang.

Picaro: “This is your fault, LeClare! You must have sabotaged my disruptor panel! It was perfect... you hear, perfect!!”

Well. He was trying to sabotage it. You might have a point.

Monica kicks Picaro to get him to drop the gun and then rushes over to Professor LeClare.

She wants to get him to safety but LeClare tells her that no place is safe now.

LeClare: “Felipe... wouldn’t listen! The power was too unstable. Energy is flooding in from another universe. Breaking down the wall between worlds. The hole in the air... is getting bigger! Within a day, it will be planet-sized! And then, both universes will smash into each other. We are doomed!”

Monica wonders whether this would have happened anyway or whether, y’know, punching the experimental physics machine had any negative effects.

Who can say!

Monica ponders how you plug a hole in nothing. Right before the space-time hole sucks her in and jams her in like a cork in a vacuum cleaner.

But its working, somehow, for some reason! The hole is sealing up around her! Science!

Hurts like the dickens though.

And its probably going to crush her as it closes. Which isn’t ideal.

It’d create a time paradox, for one thing. We’re in flashback country still.

Picaro decides that with a strange woman stuck in a space-time whatsit, now is the best time to shoot the professor AGAIN just in case he wasn’t bleeding to death hard enough.

Monica rushes to stop this. Turning into energy quick as lightning and intercepting the bullet.

She can do this.

And blasting free of the dimensional hole also sealed it shut.

AND she disintegrates Picaro’s gun, shocking him senseless in the process.

That’s what I call a win-win-win. Good job, Monica!

She decides to leave him and the others on the oil rig to international law when the navy arrives. She grabs the professor and takes him away to get patched up.

One of the soldiers, barely conscious mumbles something to himself as he watches them go.

Soldier with a mustache: “<Captain? H-he called her his captain! But she saved us... hah-ha-ha... saved... hah-ha... all of us!> Capitan est maravilla... est maravilla! Capitan est maravilla!”

Do you remember the first rule of superhero names? I’ll remind you in a bit.

Two days later, Professor LeClare visits Monica at the Harbor Patrol HQ.

He has run Science! tests that have proven conclusively that Monica’s body “was transubstantiated by the dimensional interface!”

And Monica is like ‘english pls’ so LeClare explains “what it means is you can change your body into any form of electromagnetic energy! You can actually become a sentient packet of radio waves, light, even electricity! You can go through solid objects as x-rays! You can travel at the speed of light! What’s more, you can release a small amount of energy as a blast of pure force, with no appreciable loss of body mass!”

Blasts of pure force from the pure force dimension!

So basically, Monica can become any kind of energy and go pew pew. I think she became Green Lantern energy once, that time the Avengers and Justice League crossed over.

LeClare also brought a gift.

He had a copy made of Monica’s scavenged together mardi gras outfit costume. Which is sort of a ‘thanks?’ gift because maybe she wanted to design a costume that wasn’t a hodgepodge. But LeClare’s version is also made of unstable molecules.

You can just buy those, apparently.

But, if you can just buy those, apparently, then you definitely want to because they’re pretty durable and put up with all kinds of nonsense. Although, Monica’s random outfit could turn to energy and back already.

Monica is like ‘thanks?’ because she doesn’t know if she ever wants to use these powers again.

LeClare: “We all have a destiny to fufill, mon capitaine.”

Monica: “Will you stop calling me that? You know darn well that I’m only a lieutenant!”

LeClare: “Oh? Not in the eyes of some!”

And he pulls out a newspaper, in case she hadn’t seen the newspaper.

The headline is “Who is Capt. Marvel?” because when the navy arrived at the oil rig, they found mustache soldier hysterically saying “the captain is a marvel!” (or possibly “captain is wonderful”?) and not bothering to have learned Spanish, the navy assumes that he was saying Captain Marvel.

Anyway, remember the first rule of superhero names?

The first thing someone randomly shouts about you becomes your codename so I hope you like it.

Monica lucked out. Captain Marvel is a pretty sweet name. So sweet that she’ll have it stolen in like three different ways by other people. Poor Monica.

LeClare: “Monica, you can do things no man has ever dreamed of doing! Two days ago, you told me you took this job ‘to serve and protect’. Much good can be done with your powers... Captain Marvel!”

So then we get Monica quitting the boat cops, tossing her gun and badge on the harbormaster’s desk and telling him where he can shove it.

Monica: “I don’t need your little ranks or your little minds any more! I’ve already made captain... on my own!”

Monica’s ex-boss, presumably: ‘What a cryptic thing to say.’

LeClare asks if she’s sure about quitting. I assumed he was suggesting she quit when he was encouraging her to become a superhero but I guess not.

Monica says that she’s been wanting to quit for years because as long as that ‘tyrant’ was in charge what with his wanting to do things by the book, Monica was limited in what she could accomplish.

Ha ha ha oh thats a bad take thats a bad take on reasons why to quit being a (boat) cop.

‘If only it weren’t for all these RULES and PROCEDURES -shakes fist-’

So Monica walks off with LeClare, to a bright new beautiful tomorrow as a superhero.

Anyway, that’s the end of the flashback zone so now we’re back on the Empire State Building zone where Monica has been reminiscing this whole time.

Apparently that enormous flashback all happened only a few short weeks ago. She’s had a long and entirely off-screen superhero career in those weeks, probably.

But she needs SCIENCE! help and Professor LeClare has scienced as hard as he can already.

Captain Marvel Monica is suffering from energy buildup and she’s afraid she’s going to become as big a threat to the world as Picaro’s machine. If she doesn't’ consciously hold it in check, it would overcome her.

I imagine she hasn’t been sleeping much.

But this is New York and SCIENCE! help is visible on the skyline.

Meanwhile, Spider-Man has finally made it up the Empire State Building.

So that’s really why the flashback was so long, to give Spider-Slowpoke time to catch up.

Spider-Man: “There she is, bold as brass! I’ll slap a little webbing on her, and see what’s shaking! Or should I? What if she’s a good guy, and I’m misreading my senses? I’d look like a fool!”

Truly, social shame is the best reason not to sneak attack someone.

Spider-Man: “Naw, if she’s a good guy, she’ll understand that I couldn’t take any chances! Besides, my chest still smarts!”

... Dammit, Peter.

But when he shoots a webline, she ZOOMS out of the way. Coincidentally. She never even noticed he was there. Monica just found where she needed to head and headed there in a flash.

Spider-Man tries to find where she went by checking the binoculars she was using but the seeing-stuff expired and Spider-Man doesn’t have a quarter. He doesn’t even have a pocket.

A tourist child comes up to the viewing platform and asks who Spider-Man is.

Spider-Man: “No need to panic, kid. I’m Spider-Man.”

Tourist child: “Who’s panickin’? Besides, there ain’t no Spider-Man... my dad says he’s just a hoax the media barons cooked up to sell papers!”

Spider-Man: “I don’t want to argue, but I am Spider-Man. And I need a quarter -- it’s important!”

Tourist child: “I may be from Council Bluffs, but I’m not stupid! If you want a quarter, prove that you’re Spider-Man!”

Is Spider-Man desperate enough to perform for a child like a trained monkey?

Yes. Obviously.

Thankfully, all it takes is climbing up the wall and standing.

He gets his quarter and it didn’t cost too much dignity.

Spider-Man feeds the binoculars a quarter and sees what building Monica was looking at and decides this means trouble!

And swings off.

Leaving tourist child to tell his parents about this.

Tourist child: “Mom! Dad! I just met Spider-Man! Wait’ll I tell the guys back home! No, really, dad -- honest!”

Tourist dad: “Dougie, look out that door! Do you see anything? No. Spider-Man is just a creation of the Eastern establishment!”

Tourist mom: “Harold, I told you we shouldn’t have let him go out there! The air this high is too thin for a growing boy!”

Tourist child Dougie: “Aw, mom!”

Oof, that poor child.

But where is Monica and, much more slowly, Spider-Man heading?

The Baxter Building!

Fantastic Four guest star role?

Mmm, one-quarter of that.

When Monica arrives, the place looks like its been torn apart by some sort of Terrax because that’s what happened. Monica doesn’t know that it was specifically Terrax but she certainly guesses that some kind of battle-axe was to blame.

Only Ben Grimm is present and asks her who the heck she is.

Captain Marvel: “I... I’m Captain Marvel.”

The Thing: “Not unless ya came back from the dead by way of Denmark, ya ain’t! Marv died months ago. ‘Sides, he was a blond.”

Captain Marvel: “There was another Captain Marvel? I - I’m sorry... I didn’t know.”

The Thing: “Aw, don’t sweat it... Marv probably wouldn’t mind. I probably ain’t the only Thing in the world, either!”

I guess Captain Marvel wasn’t a very well-known superhero. Then again, maybe superheroes aren’t very well known outside of New York?

The tourists from Council Bluffs thought Spider-Man was a hoax and Monica was only aware of Spider-Man in a very vague ‘oh right I read about him’ sort of way.

Guess the Avengers and the Fantastic Four are the exceptions.

Anyway, Monica explains the situation to Ben that she might explode like a 1000 megaton bomb.

And unfortunately, Reed Richards Is Useless. Although in this case because he’s off on vacation with Sue at Martha’s Vineyard and there’s no way to reach him in time.

Ben comes up with another idea. Maybe the Avengers can help! Because he knows this is an Avengers liveblog and I need a certain amount of Avengers content or I wouldn’t be here.

Although really its because he has the vague sense that the Avengers seem to have a lot of science savvy.

When Ben punches up a call to the Avengers, Captain Marvel is like ‘kthx’ and zips along the transmission because time is very much a factor here!

Unfortunately frying the radio in the process because it wasn’t intended to take a whole energy person through it.

Spider-Man arrives just after Monica leaves (because see also: Spider-Slowpoke). He asks Ben if he saw her and Ben makes a statement that could, on its face, perhaps be misinterpreted.

The Thing: “See her? She just fried my radio! Dangdest thing I ever saw! She changed into a buncha radio waves and headed for Avengers mansion! I hope they can handle her before she explodes!”

Spider-Man: “Explodes? She explodes too?! She’s more of a menace than I thought!”

Hey. Hey, Peter. I don’t want to hear that from you. There’s a hilarious irony to you saying those words that I don’t think you grasp.

And he swings off to Avengers Mansion to go help deal with this cough menace, not hearing Ben trying to tell him he’s got the wrong idea.

The Mighty Marvel Misunderstanding fight tradition trumps sound waves.

Meanwhile, at Avengers Mansion, Iron Man is sitting down on a nice monitor duty, probably just enjoying the quiet when he receives a priority signal from the Fantastic Four.

SURPRISE ITS MONICA

I think what I like most is that Iron Man has apparently had to tell the FF to stop calling about Galactus.

The Avengers’ systems are also unable to handle the sudden energy discharge of an entire person, so Monica’s arrival messes up the mansion security systems and also Iron Man.

Whoops.

The security stunulators, that the Avengers totally have, suddenly start shooting at Jarvis. So you know they’re messed up because who would want to hurt that delightful man?

Captain Marvel is dismayed to find that bad things have happened because of her and Iron Man is like hey if that tone is sincere, maybe help me out? I’m stuck in my bricked armor, not naming any names, but a tiny spark across the chestplate will reset things.

Except, Captain Marvel can’t exactly dial back that much and that exactly so Iron Man is just stuck waiting for help.

Jarvis arrives to report on the security system and finds Captain Marvel standing over Iron Man. And Monica makes an admission which could, on its face, perhaps be misinterpreted.

Jarvis: “Master Iron Man! We’ve lost power all over the building and... what on Earth?!”

Captain Marvel: “My... my powers shut down his armor.”

Jarvis: “Shameless trollop! The other Avengers will not let this attack go unanswered!”

Geez, Jarvis! Rude!

That is a very impolite thing to say to someone!

Jarvis then runs off to try and find some other Avengers.

And he runs right into Spider-Man who has just arrived (and had to dodge past a crowd that assumes Spider-Man is somehow to blame for whatever is going on. Sucks when people assume the worst of you).

Jarvis doesn’t like to trust Spider-Man, knowing so little about him, but decides he doesn’t have any other choice.

Meanwhile, Captain Marvel is wandering through the hallways of Avengers Mansion. Since she couldn’t jump-start him, Iron Man suggested she lock herself in the adamantium containment chamber that the Avengers totally have in their lab.

Just in case she really does happen to explode.

Good ol’ Iron Man, thinking through the angles. Huh. I wonder if that chamber later gets repurposed into the Zero Chamber that brought Jack of Hearts so much misery before he too exploded.

Spider-Man sneak attacks Captain Marvel, finally getting to web her up. But with a mighty WOOMPF! she blasts free of the webbing.

Spider-Man: “You... you stretched my webbing! Even ripped it in places! But no one this side of the Juggernaut can do that!”

Captain Marvel: “Look, I’m sorry I blasted you earlier! If you want, we can settle accounts later... but not now! My time is running out!”

She does the Solar Flare, like a Goku, but Spider-Man uses the secret move of shutting his eyes. And then grabs her by the upper arms.

This might end the fight against some opponents but not the all-new all-different all-terrific Captain Marvel.

No, the fight ends two panels later. Monica turns her body into electricity so Spider-Man knocks her unconscious once she unzaps.

Hm. Considering she has enough power to blow up a city, she kind of has a glass jaw. Then again, she’s conspicuously trying not to explode. Doesn’t leave a lot of concentration for taking a hit.

Which was heckin’ rude of Pete.

And it happens that aside from being a dick move, this was also a very BAD thing to have done. I’ll let Iron Man sum it up.

Iron Man: “You young fool!”

Hah.

Hooo. Spider-Man is not coming off well in his own dang book, is he? Guess that’s part of being the hype man.

So, off-screen, the Wasp jump-started Iron Man’s armor with her Wasp sting. Because it’s bio-electricity, some of the times.

Iron Man: “The woman you K.O.ed came for help, not as an enemy! Now that she’s unconscious, she could explode any second -- unless we can leach off her excess power.”

Iron Man tells Spider-Man if he wants to make amends, to rip some cable out of the ceiling because of course the Avengers Mansion is riddled with high-induction cable.

Since the only thing they have immediately available that can handle the kind of power they need to siphon is Iron Man, he has Spider-Man wrap the unconscious Marvel in the cables and webs them to Iron Man’s iron nipples, or whatever those lugnuts are for.

In fact, since the webbing is non-conductive, he has Spider-Man cover him in it head to toe except for raised hands.

The Wasp: “Iron Man, are you sure your armor can withstand the stress?”

Iron Man: “No. If this doesn’t work... it’s been nice knowing you, Jan!”

And now Spider-Man, realizing that he triggered this by knocking out Monica and that Iron Man may possibly die from this, feels like a real asshole. A complete kneebiter.

Spider-Man: (Some hero I am! I try to stop what I think is a menace, and wind up causing something even worse. If they die...)

The Wasp: “Uh, Spider-Man? We really should get out of here -- just in case Iron Man can’t contain Captain Marvel’s power.”

Spider-Man: “Captain... Marvel? Did you say Captain Marvel?!?”

The Wasp: “No relation to the old one!”

Spider-Man: “Oh, that’s just dandy! I may have doomed a new Captain Marvel! Wasp, I feel like a total clod!”

And prepare to feel worse, Spider-Man! Because while you were feeling sorry for yourself, the energy has built up so much that there’s no time to actually get to a safe distance!

Spider-Man spins a web-barrier for himself and Wasp but echoes Iron Man’s “nice knowing you” when Wasp asks what happens if it doesn’t hold.

Lotta fatalism on this page.

Within the web cocoon, Iron Man shunts the energy from Captain Marvel into his own armor. And specifically into the repulsor ray generators.

Which is to say that he releases the excess energy by blasting two giant repulsor blasts through the mansion ceiling and into the sky.

I like this plan because its ridiculous.

I mean it works really well. Everybody is alive. The city didn’t explode. But it hinged on Iron Man blasting holes into his own house and into the sky. Today, it was he who was the sky light column as seen in movies.

The Thing finally arrives via cab, expecting that everything has gone to hell if Spider-Man got involved.

And to be fair, he’s not wrong, just arriving at the wrong moment to see the gone to hell. The Avengers have tidied up the hell by this point and are having a hangout sesh.

Everyone is hanging around to meet the new Captain Marvel. Its turned from a calamity to a “Sunday social” to quote Hawkeye.

I like that Captain Marvel and Captain America are shaking hands. And that he calls her captain.

I don’t remember who (probably Hawkeye? Or maybe Wonder Man? Some dick) in a later baseball game crossover between the east coast and West Coast Avengers where whoever refuses to call her Captain because only Captain America is captain in their mind. But Cap is just like ‘hello there fellow captain.’

I see that She-Hulk is back in her Iconic tm Duds of the white torn dress. Artists that weren’t working inside the actual Avengers book just had no idea what she was wearing. I think I can conclude that from a cover, a filler issue, and another book all depicting her in the Savage She-Hulk outfit.

Also, I don’t get the joke she’s making. Anyone have any idea?

Captain Marvel even covers for Spider-Man. When Ben asks her if she got her exploding problem sorted, she thanks the Avengers and Spider-Man.

Spider-Man: (That’s one I owe you, C.M.) “Why so surprised, Benjy? I’m always happy to help out another super-star!”

The Thing: “Well... I guess there’s a first time for everything!”

Time reminds Spider-Man that before this Avengers plot fell into his lap, that he had a Spider-Man plot going on.

Remember?

Harry and Liz arriving by bus?

So he rushes back to the bus stop and finds that nobody has paged Peter Parker while he’s been gone. He figures that Harry and Liz must have gotten tired of waiting and ditched.

But actually, their bus was delayed and they’ve only just now arrived. The timing worked out pretty well actually!

This is one time where, at the end of the day, things worked out for Peter Parker!

I mean. He had to be an asshole to drive the plot but that’s the Peter Parker experience to be honest. He does that sometimes. And today, his making things worse powers were used for good to hype up a new character.

But you can see from that next time box why I needed to cover this issue. Because Captain Marvel is going right from here to being in the Avengers book and this annual is the circumstances for how that happens.

You’re welcome.

I quite like Monica Rambeau. We don’t see a lot of her powers here aside from NYOOM and we don’t see her interact with the Avengers much aside from Iron Man briefly so that’s what I’m looking forward to. More of her become any energy powers and what her dynamic with the Avengers will be like.

I’m hype.

As an intro to her, I’m torn. Her origin was pretty cool. But the present day adventure didn’t let her be as cool because she was just trying not to explode. She did accidentally punk Spider-Man a few times and got the best of some muggers. Its fine.

It just feels like there’s a sudden, jarring shift between the triumphant new hero new powers new costume and even a supporting character and ‘actually i’m going to explode whoops.’

Follow @essential-avengers. I’ve caught up on reposting by now. You could follow without ever having to interact with my Dark Crystal stuff or my many reblogs of cat stuff. But also maybe like and reblog.

#Avengers #Spider Man #essential avengers #essential marvel liveblogging #Captain Marvel #Monica Rambeau #Iron Man #the Wasp #the Thing #spidey graciously gives like 90% of his annual to the new avenger #uh spoilers she's going to be an avenger #anyway very nice of him

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 4 years

Text

19. What They Deserve

5336 Words, No triggers detected.

People loved to hear about the trials and tribulations of others. That was the core of half of the entertainment sites. Grace didn’t like to put her hurt on display, but she did want to reintroduce herself, or rather, debut the new Grace to the world and she realized that would entail people bringing up her past and/or intruding on her private life.

For instance, people would ask her how her relationship with her parents is…

Grace’s first day out, her mother was in the car whenever she got in. They were driven, in silence back to the estate, where guards were posted for the occasion, in case someone noticed or tried to get in, as they sometimes did. Her room was still the same, but there was someone there to help her pack up her essentials and her pleasures. She was going to be moved to a secure location that people didn’t know about, because her parents didn’t want the family house to be any more of a sideshow that it had been following her institutionalization.

Her mother still had not said anything to her and it took hours for her to go through her personals and decide what she couldn’t live without and see the things that she could live without go into a donations box or a trash bin. “Where are all of my pictures of me and Simon?” she asked, when she opened the designated box for those.

“Surely, you’re joking,” was the first thing her mother said. She tossed the box into the donations. Her father didn’t even show up during this time frame. By the time she was moved into her new home, she had only gotten one word from her mother and none from her father. So, whenever someone asked about them, she would say, “How is everybody’s relationship with their parents? It’s personal. It’s a relationship between one and one or two more people, and their dynamic and their emotions are fluid. The three of us have very different wavelengths and concerns, so my relationship with them is something between me and them and then, my relationship with you all is what’s between me and you.” She’d laugh a little, but after a few times, people got the message.

People would ask her about her mental health - if she was better, what happened in the first place, does she think it could happen again, etc.

Hazel wound up in another facility after a few months with her new foster family (mere weeks before Grace was released). The charm bracelet was sent back to her and for several days, she didn’t know what that meant for Hazel. If she was okay, if she was hurt or worse. They had only told her that they thought that she should have it back, then failed to communicate anything else about Hazel, for legal purposes. Grace was in shambles, until FINALLY she was told that Hazel was fine, but she had a relapse and was “in turtle form” for several days, making them have to take her to a doctor and seeing her file, they committed her for 72 hours. She was fine and heading back home.

When Grace got out and looked her up, she was no longer at the same home. She had been redirected elsewhere… They couldn’t give Grace that information at the time. She thought she would lose her mind trying to contact someone who would be willing to help her out with this information, but most of them informed her that such information was secure for the safety of the child, and she understood it and couldn’t argue with it or convince them that she was more concerned for the safety of this child than anyone. It remained at the forefront of her thoughts.

“I went somewhere to get help. I got help. A lot of people just get bounced around in life and never truly get the help that they need or deserve. I’ve been very fortunate, so I try to focus on that. Some days, I succeed. Some days, I do not succeed. I feel good today.”

They would ask her about new music, what beauty products she used now that she was no longer associated with her old brands, and if she would be dancing again. All things that she still wasn’t completely certain of yet, but lighthearted enough that she didn’t get too stressed out about that line of questioning.

The questions that brought her the most visible displeasure and clear distress were the ones about Simon. What about your relationship with Simon Laurent? Nobody has heard your side of the story. Have you seen or talked to Simon? Are things well between you? Has he forgiven you?…

“I don’t speak about Simon. The most that I can tell you is that I hope he has what he needs and gets everything that he deserves.” They might try to make jokes to prod about what she thinks he deserves, but she generally redirected the conversation. “He deserves what he deserves, and that’s what I hope he gets.” She would smile and nod, but her eyes would be sad. Eventually, people stopped asking her about him. She began posting dance videos, remixes, and songs again. This time, being confident in herself and away from her parents. It was no longer an escape from her life, because her life was lonely, but she was happy with it. There was freedom in her world that she hadn’t imagined in the past. She had more followers than ever before. Some people still called her Apex, but she never put that into any of her bios or captions, herself.

She had a routine that worked for her wellbeing, from the time that she spent in the center, and she still had very regular sessions with her therapist, not to mention a medication regimen that assisted in her wellness.

Anyone who wanted to contact her did so through someone else who would be the go-between, just in case. She moved out of the house that her parents placed her in and found something more suitable for her style, and closer to Julliard, because she still wanted to try to go, if she could make it in. In the meantime, she enjoyed the music scene in New York, branched out to finding new artists that she hadn’t heard of, made a few new friends in the industry, got hired for music videos and song demos. Some days, she expected to wake up and discover that her life had all been a dream. She would wonder if she actually did spend over a year in a mental facility, if she had gotten into some trouble with Simon, if she ever actually had met Simon… He seemed so far away, so long ago and so unfamiliar sometimes. But, whenever he did come back to her, he came flooding back.

Like if somebody casually asked, “You got kids?” and she remembered that while the answer was no, she had gotten pregnant at 16 and was so stressed out, that she hadn’t noticed for several weeks that her body was behaving differently, and that she spent several more trying to figure out what she would say, what she would do, how she would handle this. “No, no kids. But, I did have to make a decision to terminate a pregnancy when I was younger.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. There’s a stigma about it, but it was something that was best for me and I don’t harbor anger or disgust with myself about it.” Then, she could remember Simon’s eyes, his hands, other parts of him, the way that he held her, the things he had said to her. She would have to try not to cry and if she did, be totally honest, “Sorry. I haven’t really thought about the guy in a while, and I’m just in my feelings, Don’t mind me.” She didn’t like to lie, if she could help it. She tried to be as honest as she could these days, without saying too much. But, she had a pretty good crew in NY. They always were understanding and if someone said something, they’d gather them up pretty quickly. Her therapist told her that friends do things like that. It made her feel bad. She thought that friends shared everything, and since she was still very closed off to these people, she didn’t really consider them to be friends of hers, just associates that she really liked.

“That can be considered friendship, too. You don’t have to tell every friend that you have your life story and every person who you share mutual connection and kindness with isn’t going to be your lifetime bestie. Just enjoy the company of people who make you feel good and let the people who you make feel good enjoy your company.” That’s what she did.

She got into Julliard when she was 20 and she was pretty known in the music scene by the time she was 21. Grateful that she had been able to finish high school in the institution and happy that she hadn’t gotten so comfortable that she was afraid to get better and leave there. Because, she was living a life that she had always wanted, and whether or not she deserved to, she told herself that she did and she was sure to enjoy it.

That bitch was trying to ruin him! Simon could hardly catch his breath as he paced outside of the hearing for his academic integrity. She’s just mad that you’ve done BETTER than she has, with her work!

It was one thing when she was taking her bitterness out on you, telling you that your weapon failed to meet the requirements of the assignment, even though it was theoretically FLAWLESS. The CIA spoke with you about your plans for this weapon! But her? She told you to stick to something that your “childlike little mind” could actually comprehend the endgame of. “How about your little robot figures?” she’d taunted.

Other students had laughed. LAUGHED! His project was miles ahead of everyone in that class, and her tone was disrespectful and condescending! “I haven’t had a childlike thought in my mind since I was 10, you old bitch!” It just stumbled from his lips. She frowned at him and demanded an apology to her and to the rest of the class. He snatched his presentation supplies and stormed off. He’d be damned if he apologized for her antagonizing him! He heard a few more laughs and he knocked the items off of her podium on his way out. He knew that couldn’t work out well… at least in hindsight, he did. In the moment, all he knew was rage.

He even sent her an email apologizing to her and the class and offering to replace anything that he damaged in his outburst. She had only replied to him not to return to her class until further notice. But… he needed her class. It would throw off his entire educational trajectory not to be able to come to her class! Even for a few days!! He was almost ready to grovel. Almost. That would be too much like showing weakness. He apologized, what more could she want.

So, Simon filed a complaint on her, accusing her of being combative, rude, and making her classes toxic environments. Now, the Committee on Discipline was meeting to look over all of the details of her complaint.

“I truly wanted to give young Mr. Laurent a moment to think about his actions in the classroom and to realize the err of his ways. His complaint against me during this time, being both unfounded and untrue, caused me to have to rethink my decision. I don’t think that Simon Laurent is capable of the behavioral status that we require of students here. I don’t think that he has the temperance for all of the criticisms his flights of fancy are sure to get over the course of his career. I gave him the option to try another avenue for the assignment, as his assignment, while a very significant project did. Not. meet. The. requirements. Of. the. Assignment. He needed to be able to give us a small demonstration. His project was a weapon. He could only grant me a simulation and that is not what I asked for. Telling him this incited him to rage in which he disrespected myself and his peers, disrupting the classroom with his antics. Like a child, throwing a tantrum.”

Even then, his face was looking like all he wanted was to murder her right then and there. When the committee allowed him to speak, he changed his tune. He was calm and even voiced. “Professor Hughes made a lot of points about me and my particular struggles when it comes to being disregarded. I did respond angrily and I know that it was wrong of me to react the way that I did. That’s why I sent her an apology after I had the chance to cool down. But, she didn’t decide to turn me into the committee until after I filed a complaint on her for even bringing me to the point that I had such a meltdown in her classroom in the first place!” Amelia frowned and members of the committee shared various facial expressions.

Simon looked directly at her and said, “I’ve been a long time fan of your work and your accomplishments. I specifically fought to be in your classroom because of the way that I regard everything that you’ve done throughout your career and I just wanted the privilege to be able to learn from you. But, you’re very unkind. You make people feel bad. You don’t think about the things that you say to people and how those things might affect them. You didn’t even care about my psychological makeup until you could use it against me in these proceedings. You humiliate people in front of others and you don’t even break a sweat.”

“This is not my hearing, Mr. Laurent.”

“But, it matters to this hearing, because I never would have reacted that way if you weren’t being so abrasive.”

“That is a word that men like to use against me whenever I meet them with the very same energy that they put out. I’ve been called worse. By professors, colleagues, and for over 30 years my own psychological settings came into play whenever a discussion was to be had about me. This isn’t about your mental disposition. It’s about your behavior. Your angry and hostile behavior at any old sign of criticism!”

“Professor Hughes,” one of the committee members said. She went silent.

Simon proceeded, “I know that I’m not good at handling criticism, especially coming from a woman. My mother was… difficult to communicate with and the only other woman I was close to…” His eyes grew damp. “I’m sorry. My education means a lot to me and I’ll do anything to stay here.” He rushed out of the chambers, covering his face as he did. Amelia pulled herself up to go check on him. He was in the waiting section, in a seat in the corner with his back to the wall, still covering his crying face. She took a deep breath, grabbed a seat and sat next to him.

“There’s not a person in that room who isn’t familiar with the hardships you had to face in order to get here. We know about your family. We know about your abuse.” He wiped his face and glared at nothing in particular. “We also know how smart you are. You were able to get into this school based upon your intelligence. Nobody is doubting that you are capable of doing great work. I wasn’t even implying that I hated your work that day. But, it wasn’t the proper assignment, Simon. I needed you to give me one thing, you not only gave me another, but you refused to even consider that what you were trying to give me was impossible to meet my requirements. Then, you got angry because you had refused to listen to me in the first place. Now, I admit… I’m not the most courteous member of staff at this institute. I can be…”

“Bitchy.”

“Unapologetic.” She chuckled. “Let me tell you, I know how it is to be in a room full of people who underestimate you and make you feel like you shouldn’t be in the room. There wasn’t much respect for female engineers in my day and there’s not a proper amount even now if you ask me. Half of this staff is composed of pretentious, pompous, puffed up paragons, and it takes next to nothing for anybody outside of their ideals to be met with disdain. What you did, by reporting me was to make me a target. I disagree with your evaluation of me and I can’t tell if it came from a place of genuine thought or retaliation, but you can’t be trusted to continue your education here unless you are willing to listen to others, especially those of us who are trying to help to teach you!”

He wiped his eyes with his sleeves. “They’re gonna kick me out. It’ll look bad on me, and all of my research and work from the past two years might not even matter anymore…”

“That doesn’t have to happen, Simon. Listen… I think you’re brilliant. I am willing to vouch for you this time, under the circumstances that you see someone about getting professional help for your responses to adversity.”

“You… want me to see a shrink.?”

“I think you could benefit from getting mental healthcare and I don’t want you in any classroom of mine unless you do.”

He shivered. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world. She went back in to explain this to the committee and he went through the campus counselors, hating most of them whenever he met with them, switching every time he didn’t like something about one of them, making very little progress, but still fulfilling the deal he made with the committee, for a time. He and Professor Hughes bickered a lot, but he had kept his temper in check whenever she aggravated him, and he eventually settled on a counselor that he didn’t completely hate, too.

He’d always come in, not at all wanting to speak to them. He tossed some books on the table and said, “That’s my dream journal, my intrusive thoughts notebook, and the standard journal. Look through them and then tell me whatever you need to tell me for me to get my paperwork signed off on.”

The man pushed the books back to him and said, “I’m not going to read those, but you’re free to talk about anything that you’ve written in them to me. Let’s start there.”

Simon flopped into the seat and rolled his eyes, “There’s nothing in these that I want to talk about. That’s why I wrote them in here. You’re the brain person. The information gets to you whether you read it or I say it.”

“Okay. Well, let’s see what the first entry is in this one…” He picked up the standard journal and read out loud, “I saw that they let the void out into the world again… What’s the void, Simon?”

Simon turned red and didn’t answer. After a while, the man continued reading, “It didn’t look like Grace. It was beautiful like her, but it looked older, which makes sense, because it was gone a while, and now it’s back…”

Simon snatched the book from his hand and stuffed it into his backpack. “This was a bad idea. I’m not here to talk about or hear about the void.”

“I don’t know what the void is, but you wrote about it, so I’m inclined to believe that you think about it.”

“I’ve seen it!” Simon snapped pounding his fist on the desk. He took a deep breath. “I had a vision, at least I thought it was a vision. Whenever I was 16, when I was with my ex… we weren’t together for a long time, not that way. We were friends, first. We were friends for a long time, but I always loved her. I loved her before she even knew herself. I loved her with all of my heart.” He picked at his forearms where his tally marks were. “She just saw me as a friend, even though it was obvious that we should be together. Maybe I pushed too hard. Should’ve just left well enough alone. I had to have her and what I got was something else. She wasn’t the same. That wasn’t the girl I loved and I didn’t know it until I saw this… vision that I call the void. It came out of her, it engulfed her and consumed her and it took her place.”

“In a dream?”

“I’m not crazy.”

“I would never use that word to describe anyone.”

“I’m not whatever word you would use for crazy people! I know that it wasn’t real. But, I saw it and I knew that it was what replaced my friend. I hated it for taking her away, and I hated her for letting it. The void was just a way of dealing with the separation. I omitted everything connected to it from my life.”

“You voided her out.”

“Yeah. The person who looks like my friend got out of a mental institution a while back. That’s what that entry was about.”

“Do you honestly feel like the person who you saw is a different person than the one that you used to love? Do you believe that this void that you saw replaced her and that the entity you refer to as the void is now existing in the form of your friend?”

“What? No. I’m not crazy!”

“I’m asking you if when you refer to your ex as The Void, is that because you don’t see them as the human that you knew or because you have purposefully reduced them to something subhuman?”

“What difference does that make?”

“One would be purposeful dehumanization of someone you didn’t like and the other would be out of your control.”

“Nothing is out of my control,” Simon said.

“Some things have to be, Simon. Like the fact that you don’t want to be here, but the school is making you in order for you to remain enrolled. You can’t control everything, not even everything in your life. But, just because you can’t control everything, that doesn’t mean that you don’t control anything. So… Did you force this dehumanized version of this girl into your mind, or was it something out of your control?”

“I… I created it. I didn’t want to see the person that I needed turn away from me, so I imagined her as something else.” The man just nodded. “But, she made me do it! She was going to…” he shook his head. He couldn’t think of what it was that Grace had done that was so wrong. He needed to think back, remember the pain she caused him. Remember the damage she was willing to inflict… but, he felt like he was grasping. There had to be some reason. He couldn’t believe that he spent close to what 4 years now hating her for something that she didn’t actually do… No! She definitely was going to hurt him more than anyone ever had. “You had to know her. You had to know who she was to know what she could do to me.”

“I looked her up. She recently gave an interview about you. I can send you the link, if you haven’t seen it and are interested.”

“Grace did an interview about me?” He shook his head, “Whatever she said, she’s lying! It didn’t happen that way!”

“Simon… why don’t you do this… See if you can handle what she has to say and we can speak about how it made you feel next time."

Simon left pretty upset. An interview? She hadn’t had anything to say all of this time. Why now? Was this some sort of reckoning against him? He waited until he got home, glanced around him at all of the destruction he’d caused in the past but few weeks. He had been enraged so frequently that he couldn’t even see his floor.

But, he couldn’t rush into this. First, he picked up his mess, put things away, discarded what needed to be thrown out thanks to his destructive anger, and washed up for the night. No working on any projects or hobbies. Nothing that he loved or cared about in the event that this interview pissed him off. He let his hair fall and grabbed his phone. They were easier to replace than laptops. You could STOP raging when you get mad… Yeah right. And risk doing it at school again? They’d put me out for sure.

He opened the link and the first thing he saw was Shana’s face. "This is already a bad start."

"Hey Shady Kindred! Welcome to Shady Shana’s Dish, where we partake of both relevant and ratchet news. I’m your host, Shady Shana and today, I have a very special guest. My… frenemy turned… friendly associate?"

Grace laughed. It sounded like music to Simon, even though he glared at her. "Let’s.. just say associate.”

“OOF. Shade. Okay, well… classmates, former classmates, at the very least. This is Grace Monroe. I think my audience would definitely know you. From your videos and songs and stuff. But, let me dish this out, I saw homegirl perform live in NYC, and this bitch had a cello. Okay? A cello! She was singing some opera stuff.”

“I don’t sing opera!”

“She was hitting high notes, this kinda alluring witch noise… you sounded like those tuning things, but like high-pitched… you had to be there. Just… check out her page. I’ll have her links in the description. She’s working on music, putting stuff out all of the time and also attending Julliard. Many talents, very beautiful, sweet, when she wants to be… But, we’re actually here to dish about something that Girlfriend hasn’t talked to anybody about in a long time. Mr. Simon Laurent.” Shana exaggerated how French she said his name and had a look of disgust when she did.

He rewound to see Grace’s reaction. She nodded. She had prepared herself for this. She didn’t look angry or grossed out. Faking. Lies…

“Yes. I agreed to sit down with you in your really nice little studio here and talk about how I feel about Simon.”

“And just to let you messy ones at home know, we will not be speaking about the old school stuff. Grace was nice enough to give me an exclusive about her current day, so if you came to see what she wanted to say about the old stuff, this will not be the place. What he did do, didn’t do, how he done it, naw! None of that! So, I guess, my first question about it is how would you describe your current feelings about Simon Laurent?”

Grace laughed nervously, licked her teeth, sputtered out air (Simon hadn’t heard that sound in so long), and she shook her head, “It’s a loaded question. Ummm… I can’t say that I really have feelings about Simon. I have memories. I know that we were virtually inseparable for a long time. I know in my mind who I thought he was to me when we were younger, but, none of that has had any real bearing on my life in a while.”

“You don’t think about him or nothin?"

"I mean… I’ve thought about him, but no, not like actively. It’s not a part of my day. It’s more like an occasional experience, when something triggers it or… even sometimes, it’ll be put of nowhere, but just not often. I don’t even know what Simon looks like right now. If you were to trick me and have him backstage or whatever and he came out here right now, Girl - it might take me a moment to recognize him.” Simon felt himself trembling. She didn’t even check up on him? She didn’t want to know? Of course she didn’t! She didn’t care about him..

Shana laughed. “Well, not to be messy…” was her trademark line for when she was about to say something really messy, “Sounds like he’s basically become, what did you two used to call those mediocre types? Non-essential!” Grace’s lip dropped and she titled her head and squinched her face, “Well…” she said in a high pitch, “I… he’s not present. He isn’t part of my life. He detached himself from my life, and I had to learn to move on and now, there’s simply no attachments. Like, if I ran into him, no, I might not know him right away, but the moment I realize, I’m sure I’d be overcome with emotions. I couldn’t tell you how I’d react.”

“Would you uppercut his ass?” Grace cackled and covered her face. “I mean.. if anybody deserves it…”

“I don’t think I’d uppercut his ass, as you so eloquently put it. I think… I’d check to see how he’s feeling. How he’s doing. If he’s found his peace now that I’m not there to affect anything. If he’s better off without me, like he figured he’d be.”

“Sooo… if I can get you two in a room, you wouldn’t even lay hands on him?”

“I… remember what happened. I remember how it felt. I remember pain. But, since then, I’ve learned empathy. I’ve learned pacifism. I’ve learned healing. So, it’s not that I’ve forgotten how hard that time was, but I’ve forgiven everything and I’d just be curious if he had forgiven things too.”

“Whooooooooooo,” Shana let our a long deep breath, “You are better than me. Because if I see him, it’s hands on sight. He’d better not have his head turned. I’ll bust him right in his neck vein."

Grace laughed and shook her head, waving her hands, "I do not share in this sentiment. If you are a Simon stan, do NOT message me. I didn’t say anything bad about this man.”

“Which surprises me, because I know YOU won’t say anything about this, but I’ll say this and I’ve said this to him, as well… I still think that a lot of the things said about you were not true and a lot of the things done to you were just something that basically the lowest form of scum would do to someone. Something a… girl, I’m reaching back for this terminology… it was some… null type shit. Somebody less than zero would do that kind of thing, to anyone, much less someone that they cared about.”

“Well… I can’t speak for him, but you know… maybe he didn’t care about me as much as he seemed to… maybe these things are things you do to people you hate and maybe that’s what it was always gonna be with us. That’s why I would ask him how he’s doing. Maybe he was tired of being stuck around somebody he resented. I don’t know. But, I’ll always value any type of growth that I have. And if nothing else, Simon was definitely a harbinger of growth in my life.”

Simon didn’t realize that he was crying. Shana and Grace wrapped up the show and it went off with some music video that they worked on with a little girl. He didn’t watch it… his vision was too blurry. But he heard the song asking “Where would you be, without me?” And he couldn’t help but feel attacked. But, he closed out the video. If she wanted to see him and ask him how he was doing, sure… he could make that happen…

#If They Didn't Get on the Train #AU Infinity Train #Infinity Train #Nesha Fanfiction #Infinity Train Fanfiction #fics

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zankivich · 5 years

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Neighbors: Shawn x Plus Size Reader Chapter 12.5

a/n: I just wanted to pause and revel in Shawn and y/b getting to be in London and in love for a little bit. I wasn’t ready to let that go, so that’s pretty much all that this is. I hope you like it. Let me know if you do? K bye.

Warnings: smut. fluff. love. We real cute over here.

*Shawn’s pov*

“What in the hell are you wearing?” his girlfriend gasped him.

He looked up from tucking his shirt into his jeans as she stared at him in horror.

“What’s wrong? I really like this outfit.”

“I’ve never seen you in blue jeans before. Oh my god, Shawn. They’re so...tight.”

His worry quickly turned to a little bit of a self-satisfied grin. He could always count on his girlfriend to give his ego a little boost.

“What? You think I’m sexy, aye?”

She rolled her eyes. “No! But turn around and grab my purse would you?”

He did as she asked, immediately recognizing her ulterior motives when he turned around and she was staring about three feet too low for his eyes.

“Subtle, babe.”

“We must get out of here.”

He snorted and wrapped his arms around her from behind as they made their way to the door.

“You’re so dramatic. If you want to ravish me at any point just let me know.”

“Shut up with your face.” She muttered.

They all go out to explore the city together. And he gets to hold her hand and take pictures of her in front of pretty buildings where she smiles at him and the wind blows in her hair and he’s never been so in love in his whole entire life. There are fans about and people stop them for pictures, but nothing can burst this bubble. He can’t stop reaching out for her, can’t stop checking around him to make sure she’s pressed against his side. It’s needy and annoying to everyone around, and he just really doesn’t give a fuck.

Josiah suggests they go up to the roof of the building where rehearsals were hosted, to take pictures. It’s a rare day of sunshine and so it’s kind of the perfect moment. The second they get to the edge of stepping onto the roof though, y/n stops and refuses to move.

“Hey babe, what’s up?” He asked tugging slightly on her arm.

“I’m not going up there. I’ve seen this movie, the fat woman falls through the roof!”

He rolled his eyes. “Honey, you’re not going to fall through the roof. It’s metal. How heavy do you think you are?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t give a damn. I’m not taking my fat ass up there, Shawn. And that’s final.” She said sternly, hands perched on her hips.

*five minutes later*

“Try not to look so miserable, we’re trying to capture our love here.” He murmured as Josiah lined up the shot with his camera.

She pouted at him and he couldn't help but take her adorable cheeks in his hands. Wow, she was perfect.

“If I die up here, it’s all your fault. And, I expect you to pay for my funeral.”

He smiled. “Whatever you want. You can have everything.”

“K. Good.” She whispered. “You can kiss me now.”

“K.”

She wore a baby blue dress that day and a denim jacket that matched his jeans by coincidence. He fists his fingers in the fabric and kisses her softly. It’s gentle and nurturing and he can’t even remember ever being mad her. And when she giggles and tries to pull away from him, he kisses her cheeks instead. His heart feels endlessly full. Just like that. Just that instantaneously.

“You’re so pretty.” He sighed.

“You’re so pretty.”

“This is actually disgusting to watch!” Brian called from off to the side.

And that’s how Josiah gets a picture of him flipping Brian off while she kisses him.

They all huddle up around the camera to look at the shots and he’s just a bit of obsessed. There’s this one picture where she’s smiling down at the ground and the sun is hitting her cheekbones, and he’s smiling down at her like he loves her as much as he knows in his soul that he does. He kind of wants to get it framed.

“Babe, can I post this one?”

Her eyes widened slightly. “What like...like on insta?”

“Yea? I just think you’re beautiful. But, if you don’t want that, I won’t do it.”

Despite attending the grammys and the out and about of LA, their relationship was still kept pretty underwraps for the most part mostly due to her and what she wanted. If it was up to him, he’d be shouting his praises for her from the rooftops with a megaphone. In hindsight perhaps there was a reason his girlfriend kept a lid on him.

“Well like...would this be the only thing you post, or like would you post the other pictures too?” She asked nervously.

He peered around at everyone else wondering if anyone else was absolutely overcome with how damn cute she was. No one? Really?

“I’ll post whatever you want me to post.”

She peered down at the picture again before peering up at him nervously. When she nods it’s like they can both breathe a little easier. And so along with the pictures of him in the sun with the tea, which is all well and wonderful, he uploads the picture of them together, as a separate post entirely. There’s no caption besides his signature heart, he just sort of leaves it there to exist and to share with the world. And it feels important to him to share. So, when they head back down to the rehearsal space he tugs her a little farther behind everyone for just a moment to thank her.

“Hey. You sure you’re okay with the photo?” He murmured swinging their intertwined fingers back and forth in the space between them.

She nodded softly. “I--I think so. I mean it’s not like people don’t know right? And I don’t want you to ever think that I’m not like...proud to be with you or something.”

“I wouldn’t ever think that. I just want you to be comfortable, and I want you to know that you can count on me you know? About anything.”

“I do know.” She smiled. “I know.”

“Do you wanna go to dinner tonight? Just the two of us? I had Andrew pull my schedule through May. I figured we could get wine drunk and pick mini vacations.”

“Only if when we get back to the cottage you spank my ass a little more.”

His eyes widened. “That really did it for you huh?”

“More than your testosterone filled body could ever, ever understand.” She giggled.

Their sex life was wonderful as it was. She brought him pleasure unlike anyone he’d ever been with. She was attentive and passionate and...bendy. And he liked to think that he gave it as good as he got if those beautiful moments post orgasm when her eyes just fluttered and her lips couldn’t form words were anything to go by. But, he knew he'd give her everything, would be anything if it meant making her feel good. If she wanted to be spanked, a spanking is exactly what she would get.

“Maybe when we get back to the cottage I could bend you over and spank your ass so raw, you’ll think twice about asking me to spank it again.”

He may have heard her mumble something about god under her breath as he walked back down to rehearsals, but who was keeping track?

***

There are some fans outside the cafe. They hadn’t managed to find his hotel yet, and he thought that might have something to do with him staying at a different place than his crew. May he needed to get away with his girlfriend more often. Jake gets them in the line and he starts taking the selfies. Connor, Brian, and Josiah walk on ahead, but y/n stays behind off to the side because for some reason she loves him more than he could ever begin to deserve. And he can’t help but notice the interaction that occurs while he’s taking pictures.

Usually Jake helps navigate the crowd so that people are moving on after they’ve gotten their photo. This time he must have been at the end of the line making sure people weren’t pushing, because a group of girls got their photo with him and then subsequently moved on to his girlfriend.

“Hi! Uh, we were wondering if we could maybe take a picture with you?”

He looked over his shoulder to see her stare blankly at them in confusion.

“Me? Why me?”

“We just think you’re wicked! And all of us want to go to uni and like be successful in our lives, and knowing you did, well that’s just brilliant isn’t it?! Girls like us never get to see women be successful who aren't celebrities or instagram models.”

He certainly should have kept going with the pictures, but he couldn’t help but stop and watch. She looked every single one of them in the eye, the shock still clear on her face. He would have given anything to know what she was thinking in that very moment. She was scared of them, she was scared that at any moment someone might point out all of these parts of her that they thought were flaws, even if she didn’t. After everything there should have been zero expectation there that she would do anything she wasn’t comfortable with, and the fans were a large part of that. So, when she nodded softly and let them all pile in for a selfie, he’s a little shocked and lot filled with warmth as the thought. It was the kind of interaction he’d always expected with fans, and it was maybe a little nice to know that he wasn’t completely dead ass wrong.

“We’re gonna keep moving guys, but thank you so much for coming out. Have a wonderful day!” He smiled when he’d made it to the end of the crowd.

There was a chorus of byes and smiles and he couldn’t help but notice when someone said goodbye to y/n as well. It was wild, every part of it.

She’s quiet for a while as they walk together. And he can tell she’s in her head, but he wants to give her time to process. So they walk around and explore the city with the rest of the crew and she holds his hand, but it sort of feels like he’s simply holding the string to her balloon. If he wasn't holding on she’d surely float away. Every now and again, he couldn’t help but look over in her direction in the thought that maybe she’d done it anyway.

It isn’t until they’re at lunch and everyone else is absorbed in their own conversations that he can get her all to himself. She’s staring off at the sky through the window of the cafe and he reaches to tuck a curly strand of hair behind her ear. It gets her attention and makes her smile. Win, win.

“Hi.”

She smiled softly at him. “Hi.”

“Do you wanna float back down from the clouds for a little bit?”

She bit her lip and peered at the rest of the table to make sure they weren’t listening.

“How’d you know?”

“I know you.” He shrugged. “Is it good stuff, or bad stuff?”

“Mostly good, I think.”

“Well I’d love to hear some of it, if you’re willing to share.”

Her mind always felt simultaneously like his greatest challenge, but also the greatest beauty he’d ever seen. She struggled immensely with letting people into her head. And he’s figured out that unless he pushed her sometimes, he was going to miss really important pieces of who she was. Their friendship had started out on a constant balancing act between him wanting her to know everything because he trusted her and wanted to confide in her, and her not reciprocating in the way that he maybe wanted her too. When they were just friends--if they’d ever just been friends--he had struggled so hard with that, and struggled to feel like she cared for him the way that he did her. He was a little less naive now. It wasn’t that she didn’t care, it was more so that she had just never done it before. Sharing intimate pieces of yourself with someone is hard. So, he had learned to simply give her those moments to internalize before he could hopefully pull a little bit of what was going on in her head out into the open, for just the two of them.

“I guess those girls today just shook me up a little bit.” She admitted hesitantly.

She leaned on her folded arms on the table and he matched her stance so that their faces were closer together.

“In what way?”

“I wasn’t ready for them to be so...nice. And no one has ever really looked at me and said good job before. I mean obviously I work really hard, and I’m super kickass at what I do, but I didn’t get to where I am by someone putting a gold sticker on my homework at the end of the work day. It just felt nice to know that there’s something valuable in what I am.”

He frowned at her thumb coming out from the fold in his arms to push her chin a little higher in the air.

“There’s so much value you in everything that you are, sweetheart. You’re absolutely incredible.” He whispered.

She smiled. “No, I know. I didn’t mean it in a self-deprecating way. I just meant...it’s important to know yourself and your worth and to validate that for you and nobody else. But, that doesn’t mean that validation from others can’t feel really good. I guess I thought I knew that, but I wasn’t ready for how good it might feel to be a little more accepted by your world.”

“Well, I’m really glad and happy that you care enough to want to be accepted. And I’m sorry that you didn’t get that feeling sooner.”

“It’s okay. We’re okay, that’s what matters.”

“K. C’mere.” He sighed having gone way too long without kissing her.

She did that thing where she gripped his chin and completely dominated his mouth and he’d never felt so submissive and so in love and so on the cusp of a semi in public before. He was entirely fucked for her, always.

“You know one day your lips are gonna get stuck like that!” Brian yelled from the other end of the table completely ruining this absolutely wonderful moment for him.

“Do you think if we get him a blow up doll, he’ll stop cock blocking us so much?”

His girlfriend rolled his eyes. “Why is it always cockblock, anyway? What, is my vagina unblockable? Your language is so not inclusive.”

“I’m sorry. Your vagina is absolutely blockable, babe. I’d block it. I’d build a whole wall for your vagina.”

“You were doing so well until you got all Donald Trump-y on me.” She sighed.

“Well at least your expectations for me are achievable. I’m definitely not being set up to fail here or anything.”

They grinned at each other and laughed at their own hilariousness because that’s just the kind of couple they were. Brian was gonna have to work a little harder to ruin their vibe.

***

“Alright guys let’s take five, and then we’ll run it again!” He smiled stepping away from the mic.

The band all high fives each other before going to get water or grab snacks from the catering table. Y/n is curled up on the couch where she had the perfect view of the mini stage they’d set up, and he quickly made his way over to plop down on top of her with all of his weight.

“You are actually suffocating me you giant!” She snorted.

He rearranged his limbs slightly just to give her a little more space, but still wrapped himself around her quickly.

“What do you think of the show so far, babe? It’s gonna be a hundred times better with the lights and the explosions and everything.”

“You sound incredible. When you do the high notes in particular taste I’m pretty sure I immediately got wet. I can only imagine the pheromones that will be in the air at these shows.”

“Funny. Very funny.”

“Actually I was waiting for you to take a break...I was gonna head back to the cottage a little early if that’s okay with you?”

He frowned. “What’s wrong. Are you not feeling well?”

He immediately placed his palm over forehead to check for fever.

“I’m not sick. I’m just a little tired. And I know this is you working but...this is kind of my vacation. I figured I could go back and sleep and then by the time you got back we could go out to dinner or something.”

He couldn’t help the deflated feeling in his chest at the moment. He’d been waiting all week to play these songs for her. He wanted her to know that so many of them, whether they’d been originally written about her or not, felt so completely different now that they were together. He wanted to tell her that he couldn’t sing Fallin’ without thinking of their first night together as more than friends. Couldn’t sing Particular Taste without thinking of her naked at least once. And Why...well why just broke his fucking heart every time he thought about them not being able to communicate, and tell each other how they felt. So, he tried not to be hurt by his girlfriend simply wanting to go lay down at their hotel, but that was a tad bit easier said than done.

“O--Oh. Oh, okay. Yea. Just let me go ask Jake if he’ll ride with you.”

She shook her head at him. “I don’t need a bodyguard, honey. I think I’ll be okay. I wanna stop at a store anyway, don’t need to waste Jake’s time.”

“Okay. Well we’ll still go to dinner though, yea? Just the two of us?” He asked trying to keep the slight whine out of his voice that was threatening to bust through.

She gave him that look that said he’d been busted and he froze as she got off of the couch to step between his legs. For a while she just hugged him, and so he wrapped his arms around her hips and leaned his head on her chest as she ran her fingers through his hair. It was so soothing that for a second he was able to pretend that she wasn’t going to leave him.

“We can do absolutely anything you want tonight. I’m here for two more days, yea? Don’t get sad on me just yet.” She whispered.

Totally busted.

He nuzzled deeper into her skin and sighed until she hugged a little tighter. He sort of liked that she was willing to take care of him, just as much as he was her. It made him feel wanted, made him feel like she could see him for everything that he was.

“Okay. I’ll do my best. Can’t make any promises though.” He chuckled. “Kiss?”

She pecked softly at his lips hands holding sweetly at his cheeks as she slid her tongue along his. It just might tide him over.

“Love you.” She grinned.

“I love you too. Get out of here.”

He swatted playfully at her ass only for her to turn those eyes that could turn his insides upside down right on him.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, Mendes.”

“Baby, I assure you I can always finish.”

She pushed playfully on his forehead and told him to get away from her before she made him finish right there in the middle of the rehearsal space. He just barely lets her leave.

Rehearsals goes for another two hours as they work through transitions, jam out alongside each other, and work to create the show in the manner that he envisioned it. It all felt right. And he could only imagine how the fans would react. He always wanted to give the best thing that he could to them, and he loved every aspect of performing. He’s sitting on the floor with the band and Connor and Brian just dicking around when Andrew comes in to check on them. He starts going over the expectations for the next day when Shawn’s phone starts to buzz. He’s hopeful that is y/n asking about dinner, because Andrew's updates tend to bore the fuck out of him.

y/n: I think you should hurry back to the cottage.

Shawn: I will honey. We’re finishing up now. Did you think about what you want for dinner?

y/n: I was kind of hoping you might decide what you want to eat.

He was just about to tell her that he’d ask one of the guys for a suggestion when a photo popped up in their message stream

His whole body froze as he was suddenly faced with his girlfriend dipped in very thin, very sheer lace. Her nipples were hard and taunt against the fabric, and she was biting her bottom lip like actual sin. And suddenly it was time to go.

“Welp! I simply must go now. Jake can you ask them to pull the car up to the back please?”

Brian and Connor looked at him like he was crazy.

“Who lit a fire under your ass?” Brian asked.

Andrew nodded. “I was still sort of going over the plan for tomorrow.”

“I will happily read the email you send of these meetings every single time once I’m in the car. I do have to go though.”

Shawn: I’m on my way. Don’t move.

“Shawn? Two minutes, huh? Can you spare me two minutes?”

He peered down at his phone and leaned his weight from foot to foot impatiently.

“Fine.” He sighed.

Fifteen excruciatingly long minutes later he’s climbing into the car to head back to the cottage and there’s another text from his girlfriend. This time she’s lying back and her hand is simply resting underneath the thinnest band of underwear he’s ever seen. Jesus.

Y/n: got you a present only for you to not come and open it.

Shawn: I’m coming. Jesus, I promise I’m coming.

y/n: every minute you make me wait, I make you wait when you get here.

“Fuck...Sir, can this car move any faster by chance?”

The driver peers at him through mirror and glances back at the road.

“I’m kind of driving as fast the speed limit allows, sir.”

His girlfriend was surely turning him into an idiot.

“Of course. Yea. Sorry about that.”

By the time he burst through the door to their room he was out of breath and sweaty without even having had, nor given an orgasm. It was a hard life to say the least.

And there his girlfriend was, lying in the middle of their bed fingers poised inside her and those thighs so tense and ready for worship. God he was obsessed with her.

He made a step towards her and her eyes fluttered open, still hooded and sultry in every way. When he goes to take another step she shakes her head at him and it causes him to freeze.

“Mmmm… You’re still gonna wait.”

There’s a whine that’s in the pit of his chest that he’s convinced is unlike any sound that he’s ever made before, but when she hears it her hand moves to rest against her pubic bone as she plunged deeper inside herself.

She moaned softly. “Take your clothes off. I think I deserve to see your Calvins too.”

“Jesus, you can see whatever you want.” He muttered practically tripping out of his jeans.

There had never been such a test on his patience than watching his girlfriend get off without him. He liked to think he was a giver, and honestly her pleasure in bed was seventy-five percent of what got him to reach his own climax. To not be allowed to touch. To be punished with the visual of her fingers working to an orgasm that he couldn’t, was perhaps the worst kind.

He stood by the bed fingers tracing her ankle as her hips bucked lewdly against her hand. He grabbed at himself through the underwear and practically melted when she moaned a sa result.

“Do you want me?” She asked.

“Yes. God, yes. Can I--Please let me touch you, baby.”

“I like watching you beg.” She giggled.

Jesus.

“If you want to touch me, then touch me. But make it good.”

He reaches for her thighs, first slowly and methodically mapping out her flesh. Everything about her is soft and when he squeezes at the inner part of her thighs, her back arches and he’s completely gone.

“Can I finger you?” He whispered, fingers edging toward her heat.

She bit her lip and nodded taking one of his hands in her own to lead him right where she needs it most.

“You’re so wet...warm.” He sighed as he stretched her lightly with two fingers. “It’s like this pussy was made for me.”

Her eyes closed and she smiled and hummed and oh my god I am so fucked for her.

He didn’t want to waste any time lest she decide to not let him touch anymore, so he quickly curved his fingers up in search for that spot that makes her cry out for him every time. It’s his favorite sound that she makes because it’s completely involuntarily. She can bite those full ass lips of hers all day long and try to muffle it in the pillow, but he always ends up hearing her eventually. And this time is no different.

“Uhh! Fuck, how do you do that?” She whimpered thrusting back against his fingers.

He keeps searching, keeps rubbing and curving until her voice goes up an octave and he knows that he’s where will get her there fastest.

“Just wanna please you baby. Only wanna make you feel good.”

He’s on his knees in front of her one hand on her knee for leverage while the other plunges deep within her being. Her hips leave the bed the faster he moves and she starts chanting for him to keep going, to push inside of her with all his might. He likes looming over her this way because he can see the way his necklace bumps against his neck and the way that her flops with every movement of her body. It makes him feel so connected to her in this most intimate of moments where everything is about connection. And when she starts to fall in on herself, when her pleasure is mounting to something incredible, he feels like they’re floating. Together.

“W--Wait, wait, wait. You can’t. You can’t make me squirt right now.”

“Why not?” He whined fingers not stopping.

“Oh my--fuck! The sheets, Shawn. The sheets!”

“I don’t care about the fucking sheets, I wanna see this pretty pussy squirt.” He grunted. “I’ll buy a whole new bed if you squirt for me.”

“Jesus Christ that’s hot!”

When she releases it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. The sounds that she makes. The tears in her eyes. The tremble in her thighs. Every part of it gets him going in ways he never thought possible. She’s absolutely stunning in pleasure, even more so than usual. For a moment he just stares at her in wonderment and overwhelming arousal. The visual is tantalizing, but he’s also so full of warmth for her too. The happiness that comes with making her feel good, even sexually, is insurmountable.

“See. Now was that so bad?” He huffed.

“Can’t. Move. Give me five minutes.” She gasped. “...Ten. Give me ten minutes. My fat ass was not made for this.”

*two hours later*

“If there’s an olympic medal for orgasms in an hour, I think you just won it.” She mumbled still out of breath.

“Well I think there actually is one for gymnastics and if they saw the way you were bending you’d surely win gold.”

“Yes compliments on our sex game. Go us.” She snorted raising her hand.

He quickly clapped his hand against hers before they collapsed back in bed together. Go them.

She laid her head on his chest and snuggled close to him and it was everything that he’d been missing and then some. His fingers trailed up and down her back trying to draw shapes of flowers and hearts that would tickle and make her laugh because the sound was so beautiful to him.

“Can I ask you something?” She hummed her own fingers playing with his chest hair.

“Anything.”

“Were you scared to put your calvin covered crotch out there to the world?”

He snorted softly and reached to play with her hair. “I mean..Of course. I was so fucking nervous about putting it all out there. I guess I just, I wanted to do something new and I wanted to feel confident in myself. I thought it might be the kind of thing that people would think I’d never do.”

“I most certainly never saw it coming. How come you didn’t tell me? Didn’t want me to see you in your calvin’s?”

“I always want you to see me in my Calvin’s. I was gonna tell you. I guess I didn’t know if you might think it was douchey? I’m gonna be honest, sitting on the edge of a bed with someone rubbing oil all over you while someone asks you to smolder more? Made me feel a little douchey.”

She leans up on her arms so that she’s hovering a bit above her and her eyes are so soft and warm that he just falls into them. He feels vulnerable and open and yet he knows that she’s not gonna let him fall, that she’d never let him fall.

“There is nothing douchey about you feeling confident in your body and in yourself. You looked so damn good babe. You’re so incredibly beautiful, do you know that? I mean, shit Shawn. You’re gorgeous. There’s no rule that says you’re not allowed to feel that just because you’re a man or just because you’re a rock star. You should let yourself feel that.” She murmured feverently.

He smiled up at her completely at a loss for words. All he could think of was to kiss her, and hope that it could somehow let her know just how good she made him feel.

“I love you.” He whispered.

She smiled. “I love you too. My fucking pretty ass man.”

“Stop it.”

“No. You’re so damn pretty. Come let me show how pretty you are.”

“Baaaaabe,” He whined. “We have to get ready for dinner soon.”

She had already begun her descent beneath the sheets. There was no stopping her. And he really didn’t want to. He just wanted to be her pretty man for a little while longer. Dinner be damned.

***

Their time together in the cottage tells him something he wasn’t sure he knew before. He knew that he loved her. Hell, he even knew that he loved her more than any other woman he’d ever been with. But, something about waking up to her in a different continent. Something about holding her hand on his way to rehearsals, about making breakfast together in nothing but robes, made him feel even softer somehow. He was envisioning a future with her. Long winters in toronto visiting his parents, and hell maybe even her brothers. Vacations to the ocean where they could get sunburned together and drink wine and make love. So much love. He was struggling to see a point where his life ended and hers began. They had become so deeply intertwined at that point. And after their fight, after their ability to be kind and rational and work through things together, he couldn’t help but wonder if that’s what the future actually held for them. God he hoped so.

When it’s time for her to leave he feels hesitantly optimistic. It had nothing to do with it getting easier. In fact, he had a feeling it was gonna kill him to watch her leave. Instead it was the interconnectedness of them as people that had him feeling as though it didn’t matter how hard it was. He couldn’t leave her even if he tried.

“Three weeks. And then we’ll have Amsterdam and then...I--I’m gonna stop in Toronto before New York so you don’t have to keep flying back to me, okay?”

It was airport time. Maybe the worst moments that he could come across now adays. When all you had left was the moments between when the flight was called and when fans had figured out that he was there. And you could hope that maybe they’d line up, but you never fucking knew. Jake was on standby just incase as they shared their last moments together.

“We’ll figure it out.” She murmured squeezing at his hands. “It’ll be okay.”

“Do you believe that? Really?” He mumbled.

“‘Course I do. It’s you and me against the world, isn’t it?”

“Yea. Yea. I love you. C’mere.”

He kisses her there with zero care in the world of who might see, of who might be lingering about to get the photo. He just wanted to show her that he loved her, that he was a hundred percent in this with her. They were gonna be together somehow with him on the other side of the world, and somehow it was all gonna be okay. He had to believe that or he might go mad. But when she leaves his arms and she goes off towards the gate, he already misses her touch. And he has to let Jake lead him back to the car instead of buying a ticket back to toronto. It’s much harder than it should be. He just hopes that maybe it's hard for her to leave too.

Hiya. I’m hoping if you read this far that you like the content that you got? I made a ko-fi. It’s just a way for y’all to support if you’re able and willing. I love writing, it makes me happy, but the kid is broke. Help me out if ya like here!

Taglist: @kitykatnumber @lou-and-me @ourlittleshawnie @mutuallynotmutual @wanderingmendes @peacedolantwins2 @chels-nyc @@illloveyouforever1 @justbeingoceana @grittyisathot @hayyitsfayy @claredolphinbear24 @september-lace @grittyathot @literallyshawn @mchutchmendes @liliane106 @standingandstaring @trappedinfairytales

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lizzybeth1986 · 5 years

Text

Quick Thoughts on TRR Book 1 Chapter 8

• So…umm…I LOVE this chapter! More in hindsight than when I was actually playing it because back then it just sounded like a jealous woman trying to sabotage the MC and failing. But now having played through this chapter and even written a fic about it…I have to say there’s a lot going on in this one.

• I’ve often found the 8th chapter in the series pretty interesting. This was the first chapter in the series to feature diamond scenes from all three of the original LIs in a single chapter. This would happen again in Book 2, but by Book 2 the imbalance was a lot more tangible. I will speak more about this later…but suffice to say that back when we had just two books in the series, I would call the 8th chapter The Magical Number Eight.

• A common misconception that seems to stem from this chapter (and others, often by Kiara-haters) is that Kiara “agrees to be our friend” this chapter, and then jumps ship to Madeleine in Book 2. That’s bullshit. Kiara never mentions the word friend. She says ally. And she delivers.

• THIS is also where you get the first little inkling that Maxwell could be romanced, though we would only know for sure by the middle of Book 2. This chapter is also where you also get the first of many Drake’s plot related scenes. Which meant that sometimes, even if a fan did not like him, they would end up buying his scenes anyway for some crumb of information on their LI. Drake was already getting popular, but dropping hints of plot into his scenes gave him an added edge and often encouraged fans of other LIs who didn’t like him, to buy his scenes.

• Anyway, since the buildup took an entire chapter, the book pushes us straight into the dressing room for this one!

• Title: A Waltz to Remember.

Alternative Title: Lizzy Turns This QT into a Kiara Gush-fest And Does Not Regret It (Even If It Gave Her Hand-Cramps).

I love how over the course of three books, this particular dance form of Cordonia has gained the importance it has. And it’s lovely how - even though we’re not meant to like Olivia at this point - our first glimpse of Cordonian culture through this dance, is in her estate.

• Hana’s silver dress makes its debut here! Honestly, I kinda would’ve liked this one a LOT better as a gown than as the bodycon it eventually became. That pleated bodice really needed a long, flowy skirt to work. I’m always going to be a little sore they made it a short bodycon instead 😑

• Okay I love both our options for the ball, okay. They’re both big, and glamorous, and make a real statement. Which is necessary, because the plan is to show Olivia up at her own home.

Winter Goddess is gorgeous - it has that vintage Hollywood feel to me, and the caption for it sounds pretty romantic (“will capture the winter moonlight”). Snowflake Sweetheart is very on-point for the whole snow/ice theme Lythikos itself has going on. I’m very fond of the crystals and the illusion sleeves on the second one….but I have to say that silk-satin one with the fur stole is the winner for me 😅

Me Back Then (on one of my million replays): If I really have to take a diamond option, I’m taking the second one. I’m cheap.

Me Now: Still cheap. I’m not spending 25 whole diamonds on another gown when there’s already a cute one free in my closet.

• Maxwell is trying hard to channel Bertrand 2.0, and is badgered enough by 1.0 over the phone to almost succeed.

• One of the formal phrases he uses is “a diamond of the first water”, a phrase you’d see very commonly in the Regency era…which kind of solidifies my belief that Regency England was one of their world building inspirations even back then.

• We don’t fully understand the kind of power the hostess can wield in her homeplace, until this sequence. On principle, Olivia is not exactly answerable to anyone, not even the royals visiting her in Lythikos - she can decide on seat arrangements, she can give instructions to the staff on who gets the best portions of the meals and who gets the worst, she can monopolize on the Prince’s time with her if she wants. And she takes full advantage of that.

• However, her being the hostess doesn’t always leave her completely free to do what she wants, without consequences. Lythikos is not just a turning point for us - it’s one for her as well. And not exactly in a good way.

• Here’s what Olivia does to sabotage us at the ball:

- seats us away from our sponsor, and away from the head table. In fact this is something she does to all the suitors - Maxwell tells us that not a single one has a place at the head table.

- seats us way back, next to a commoner who is also constantly given the same treatment - which Hana points out is meant to be viewed in the court as an insult. To an MC who is still learning the ways of the nobility, this move is pretty much a miss…but it does give us a very clear idea of how hypocritical the nobility and royalty can be. Hana is not immune to the prejudice either (seen as she does not censor the statement when she says it in front of Drake, a commoner), but she eventually grows to fiercely guard him and defend him from those kind of attitudes later on… and you can see a lot of that growth in TRH’s Walker Ranch chapters.

- has her servers give us ice-cold lobster bisque on purpose, thirty minutes after serving has begun. With no lobster in it. Remember, we’re in a wintry region where you require piping hot, creamy, fattening foods to stay warm. This isn’t just ruining a meal: Olivia is sending a clear message about how unwelcome they are, by giving them cold food devoid of the main protein, in the freezing cold of Lythikos.

- given the timing of her kiss on Liam during the waltz, she probably did that to send a message to us as well. It happens shortly after our dance with him, and from her reaction (angry, immediately establishing claim on him) to Liam’s dance with the MC, we can tell she’s more affected than she’d like to admit, and that’s what informs her actions during her second dance with him.

• Me Back Then: There is a nice option and a rude option. It’s Drake, but he’s Liam’s bff and I want to be nice.

(+ romance point)

Me Back Then:

Me Now: Romance points in Lythikos fall from Drake the way pee falls from someone with weak kegels. One tiny laugh and pssssshhhh.

• From the rude option you find out that Drake plays chess and often wins in his matches with Liam, so that’s a nice touch.

• The MC can acquire the fresh bisque for herself and her friends if she dramatically faints in front of a server. I quite like this (optional) moment because it shows her thinking on her feet and quickly ensuring she gets her way. The other options are pretty hilarious too, though, the obnoxious “do you know who I am” option comes with a Game of Thrones reference 😂

•

Me Back Then: …someone should leave Drake hungry at a party till the wee hours of the morning with access to only whiskey bottles. Whiskey for entrèe, whiskey for main, maybe we’ll be kind and give him brandy for dessert. Let’s see how far his love for whiskey goes then 😈

Me Now: Holy shit, Me Back Then, you just predicted the best scene in Book 3 🤣.

• One of my favourite TRR Tumblr posts ever, was the one where someone took a screenshot of Drake saying “I’m not one to complain about food” from this chapter, and placed a gif of Nicholas Fraser’s “Why You Always Lying” lyrics just beneath it 😄 If that isn’t the truth idk what is.

• Most of the chapter after this will focus on the Cordonian Waltz, Olivia’s little stunt and getting allies, so the buildup to Drake’s scene will happen now (and Hana’s just before we meet Drake). Hana will be dancing with Tariq, and then other partners in the meantime, so no opportunities to dance with her there.

I loved this dialogue option when I first saw it, but now that I know how much in love with dancing Maxwell is, this scene is ten times more fun! 😃

• On first playthrough…this didn’t seem like that big a problem. Maxwell was fun, and seemed to genuinely like us, and was berated a great deal by Bertrand - so it was easier then to perhaps forgive his gaffes and want to comfort him instead. But when you approach his character as someone who brought a complete foreigner to his country and then didn’t make much of an effort to educate her with what little time they both had…I wind up finding his character a lot less endearing. I’m honestly more irritated by his carelessness. There was a lot he could have done even if he forgot or didn’t know what to do. He could have asked around! Hana was right in front of him! He could have found out what to prepare for if he didn’t know or if Bertrand didn’t handhold him (which Bertrand himself isn’t exactly doing a good job of in the first place). The other LIs shouldn’t have to constantly step in and do his job as sponsor and guide!

• It’s only when we’re dancing that Maxwell realizes he’s not taught us the dance. Of course, if you bought Hana’s waltz scene, she whispers her advice just before you dance with him, and you give her credit for teaching you. If not, you go into it knowing very little (but because the options are easy to choose from, so you can still manage). Maxwell does explain its uniqueness in terms of the flirting potential and the fact that it’s a courtship dance…but the true beauty of that description only comes with Hana.

• Istg, if Hana weren’t around to repeatedly save our ungrateful asses…

• So THIS is the first opportunity you get to ‘romance’ Maxwell. He looks sad and tells you that you should only be here for the Prince, but it’s also that vague kind of sadness that you can interpret differently and write detailed fanfics about! I think a huge part of Maxwell’s appeal (besides the overall sparkling personality, and the fact that he was so different from both Liam and Drake) was the “will-he-won’t-he” nature of the LI question itself.

• We now move on to Liam, who is fighting a losing battle with his desire to favour the MC exclusively, but wants her to know that she is special to him. Notably he does say this in the “courtship” part of the dance.

• How do you know that the Cordonian Waltz was a strategic choice? Because Olivia chose to dance with Liam twice! And because she’s the hostess, it’s harder for Liam to refuse.

I remember being pretty uncomfortable with this scene the first time I saw it, I still am, and often I wonder if I’m the only one who feels that way. Whenever I see this scene being referenced, it’s often referenced in the most flippant ways. And it baffles me.

• Honestly, Olivia was clearly overstepping her boundaries here and didn’t even bother to ask Liam before doing it (Liam himself mentions he was “caught by surprise” and calls it an “unexpected advance”). Was Olivia doing it out of complex, understandable reasons? Like jealousy or frustration or showing the MC up? Well, sure I guess. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that her doing so was nonconsensual and downright wrong.

The funny thing is often this incident is either downplayed or erased completely, especially in contexts where people try to argue that Olivia “deserves better” than Liam, or sympathize with her for loving a man who “does not care about her”.

Does Olivia deserve to be loved back by a person she loves? Absolutely.

Is Liam a lesser person for not loving her back? No, and he shouldn’t have to be penalized or judged by a fandom for not doing so.

Is the fact that most people who uphold this “penalizing/blaming Liam for not returning Olivia’s feelings” argument, also tend to forget/downplay this particular incident…particularly disturbing? Well, yeah, definitely.

• Even the narrative fails with regard to this, actually. It is written in a comical style, with a couple of out-there dialogue options (like screaming loud enough of break poor Maxwell’s eardrums) and the MC is given a chance to lash out at Liam for not reacting fast enough or throwing Olivia off of him. And guess what his reaction is. Sad, contrite, trying to explain his position. It’s almost like it’s okay for him to feel guilty about something that was done TO him, that he was never asked permission for.

Olivia does suffer consequences, but more for her “power play” than for anything else. Her move isn’t viewed as negative for what it may do to Liam, it is negative because it is seen as a direct “fuck you” she is delivering to her competitors. The scene itself is written for laughs…which I’m surprised more people don’t find even a little uncomfortable.

• The reactions from the other suitors is pretty on point for their character types at this point. Madeleine is smug and condescending, confident that she will never be “unrefined or insecure” enough for such “ostentatious displays” (says the woman who will bully her entire court, run around Italy roaring drunk and name a drink after herself in Book 2). Penelope doesn’t exactly have a personality at this point, she merely comments that the kiss was a bold play. It is Kiara who points out the power dynamics involved and views it as the last straw in her waning support for Olivia.

Remember - the ladies of the court weren’t treated half as badly as we were, but they were probably more aware (than us) that they were being denied a seat at the head table, and had to put up with Olivia monopolizing Prince Liam’s time. While Kiara’s suspicions that Olivia is “mad with power” here probably aren’t too far off the mark (even though her feelings of jealousy and confusion may be involved, we can’t deny that there is a clear sense of “I’m the hostess here, I can do what I want”), it’s not just an assumption that simply stems out of nowhere.

• Maxwell sees and opportunity to gain allies, and encourages us to capitalize on it. The wrong options are pretty interesting: if you mention “slapping the smirk off Olivia’s face”, Maxwell tells you that the political equivalent would be to “attack her alliances”. If you suggest making out with Liam in public, Maxwell exclaims that doing so would lead to people gunning after you. Which is telling, because in Book 1 PDA is mostly shown as being frowned upon in Cordonian society in general. So Olivia’s very public kiss isn’t just brazen and bold to the courtly ladies, but also viewed as inappropriate and a jab at their own lack of power in this situation.

• I love that Maxwell gets the opportunity to encourage us to play politics. Love it. He is the first one to notice the change in Kiara’s attitude towards Olivia, and he recognizes that the time is ripe for us to captialize on it. While Bertrand, or Bertrand-and-Maxwell, are the ones who tell us the importance of gaining support from the press and the royals, getting the court to support us is wholly Maxwell’s idea. This added another layer to the way he was built in the story, and I’m not happy that we didn’t see a lot of that perceptiveness and skill around court later on. By Books 2 and 3, he was mostly relegated to the funny guy, the court jester. Book 1 Maxwell may make a lot of mistakes but you bet he’d be too smart to toss brushettas in the face of dignitaries at the UN. It was like his own writers forgot Maxwell was capable of more.

• OKAY SO THE KIARA SECTION IS A FAVOURITE OF MINE OKAY. And it only wound up being a favourite when I realized there were changes in her dialogue between my Esther playthrough and my Persephone one. I mean if I weren’t already a fan of her…this definitely would have converted me.

Before I get into the actual gushing…I’ll just summarize what the MC has to do to gain her approval:

- Language: Kiara is known for her proficiency with languages - it is the skill that defines her in court (to the point that you barely notice her other qualities). Her home language is French, and if you know how to respond to comment ça va she is cheerful and more willing to hear you out (if you choose the fromage answer she’ll a bit surprised but not too hostile, and if you say voulez-vous coucher avec moi, well…of course she’ll be pissed off because you just accidentally asked her to sleep with you). In any case, to gain her approval you need to respond in French.

In fact even Kiara’s goodbyes vary based on whether she becomes your ally or not. If she’s your ally, she says à bientôt before leaving (which is “see you soon”). If she’s not convinced by your arguments, she says adieu, which has more of a sense of finality to it and is often said when you don’t expect to meet again (in fact I’m surprised they had her say it) and is different from au revior (which means “until we see each other again”).

- Olivia’s Actions: Kiara reiterates to you what she’d just told the others - Olivia is on a power trip, and while Kiki is well aware that she’s not a top contender in this competition, she is not going to stand for being treated like she is lesser than the ones who do have power. Interestingly, in both Chapter 7 of Book 2 and this chapter, Kiara’s first visible signs of discontent/frustration come when both Olivia/Madeleine go on massive power trips (“she even named a drink after herself. Quelle narcissique”, Kiara says about Madeleine in the next book).

I feel like Kiara’s frustration may have already been there with Olivia’s treatment of the ladies of the court at the start of the Ball (but perhaps she may have been brushed it aside as a strategy you could expect from a noblewoman in her own estate) but it is Olivia kissing Liam and trying to establish a claim on him that is seen as the tipping point for her.

However, she’s also pretty pragmatic and is lowkey impressed with Olivia if you state that she went too far. She is irritated by the message Olivia is sending, but acknowledges that not many would have dared to do that in her place. A more neutral response works well with Kiara’s train of thought, because to her the important thing is seeing what works in the long run, and the MC has to convince her that she is a good alternative.

- Alliance: Kiara already anticipates this, since she is the one who straight-out asks this question. At this point Kiara is not exactly aiming to be Queen - she knows she is up against more powerful people, people who have more access to the royal family (perhaps her dad Hakim would have had a similar amount of access if Constantine wasn’t such a dick). She is not going to waste her time wishing for what she won’t get, when she can easily network instead. The answer that works best with her is the one where the MC speaks of Olivia’s friendship as being a one-way street where she always gets her way, which is ironic considering how the MC behaves in a likely worse manner towards Kiara in Book 3.

• One of my favourite Kiara lines is from the wrong option (“I’m nicer than Olivia”) for the Alliance segment: “Nice? Nothing about being here is nice. If I wanted nice I’d buy a teacup pig. 😡”

• Back in Books 6’s QT, I mentioned Queen Regina and Duke Bertrand as being the two people in the first book who watch out and keep track on our progress. Bertrand does it because he is our sponsor, Regina does it because after all we are one of the candidates for her stepson’s hand in marriage, and we’re the one he eventually shows the most interest in. But there is one other person who seems to be taking notice of our good performance as well:

On my fail run, where Persy doesn’t gain approval either from the press, or from the royals, those last two lines simply do not appear. She asks us about whether we’re looking for an alliance, and we immediately answer her. She will still join hands with you if you convince her (I did a test run where Persy said all the right things) but those words will not feature anywhere. Because the dialogue is coded such that it will only appear if you’ve done well in your previous two tasks.

That is fascinating to me, because Kiara is the only lady of the court who is written as noticing these things at such an early stage in the competition (the Lythikos Ball is only the third event in the social season, and the maximum approvals come from the Derby, which was the event just preceding it). She is the only person, besides Bertrand and Regina, who keeps track of our progress (even if that is only uptil this point, because if you win her support here, it stays that way until the Coronation). Even Madeleine, who has been part of a social season before and is viewed as having a lot of experience in the court, compared to the other ladies, spends most of her time simply underestimating the MC. It isn’t until Applewood and Ramsford that Madeleine even begins to think there might be more to this person.

Kiara, on the other hand, is observant. She is competitive but she knows when other people have the upper hand, and she will honestly acknowledge that you have an edge if you have proven yourself to the press and the Queen. For someone who would be seen as just a lady of the court….that level of foresight, observation skills and pragmatism is pretty phenomenal to me.

• I’ve said this many times and I will say it again: Kiara has always been upfront about what she’s bringing to the table in an alliance. She isn’t your friend and she won’t pretend to be your friend either. She mentions she will put in a good word and support you in becoming Queen, and she keeps her promise.

She keeps her distance from you otherwise, so you can’t dub her a ‘friend’ even then, but she will do her work as an ally. She doesn’t get involved in smearing your name while supporting you to your face. At the end of the day, she is a woman in the court trying to thrive and carve a space of her own, but she won’t dirty her hands to do that - and I don’t think she gets enough recognition for that.

• Alright I’ll stop gushing about Kiki otherwise this QT will never end 😂

• We now meet Liam, who tells us about the hot tub in his room, and invites us there. The intent is clearly romantic (the MC specifies as such, smiling, and Liam winks at you before he leaves).

• This chapter also marks the second time you see Penelope with Liam, after which you will only see her directly interact with him at his Coronation. Funny how Kiara doesn’t get even one opportunity in the narrative to talk to him.

• It’s the end of our big night in Lythikos, and we’ve got three invitations to spend time with an LI! Liam’s setting up candles near the hot tub, Hana is playing exquisite melodies on the piano, and Drake is drinking whiskey in Olivia’s wine cellar. Maxwell is…doing Maxwell things that we are not privy to yet. Or taking a nap.

• I won’t be going too much into detail esp for Liam and Hana’s scenes - because I have essays written on both! Both will be under the “Liam: Diamond Scenes” and “Hana: Diamond Scenes” sections of my essay masterlist if anyone is interested 😃 They will be titled “Hot Tub at Lythikos” and “Piano at the Parlour”, respectively. (another recommended read is “Exploring Hana in Her Context” where I talk about this scene, and her characterization. It’s a little further down on the masterlist).

•

(Screenshots for Drake from the HIMEME YouTube channel)

Liam: This is undoubtedly meant to be a romantic scene, and is hinted as much in the lead-up to it while still giving the MC the space to not go (since she says “I won’t make any promises”). He puts candles around the tub, and the tub itself is situated in an area where you can get a wonderful view of the mountains.

This scene is divided into two parts: the first where Liam gets to sincerely tell the MC he trusts her (optionally) and where they lightly flirt, and the second where he admits to feeling conflicted between giving in to his feelings and being fair to the other women. At this point he knows his feelings for the MC are stronger, implicitly trusts her (“I thoroughly believe that if you thought I was a pompous ass, you wouldn’t hesitate to tell me. I trust you, MC. Anything you say”), doesn’t want to call it love just yet but is well on his way to doing so. He tells us about his brother Leo, hinting at the events of the RoE series and explaining that seeing how love affected him made Liam think more about it. It’s not one of Liam’s absolute best scenes…but it is a sweet one where Liam tentatively explores his growing love for her - in some ways leading to his “almost-declaration” of love at the Forgotten Falls. In each scene of Liam’s, he takes a step further, and another, and another, to admitting his love for her and growing less guilty about his desire to be with her. He is still torn between his duty and his desire at this point, but you can already see him slowly inching towards the prospect of keeping what he wants first, for once.

Hana: This, in my mind, is Hana’s most powerful scene. As many adjectives as I can use to describe her in this scene would be inadequate, because it’s that good, that layered, that rich with nuance and detail. But I do think I can sum a bit of it up with a quote from a Book 3 Liam scene that instantly took me back to this one:

“Hana’s a tough one. She’s clearly had the kind of lessons I’m giving you now, and then some. Her posture is almost always polite and attentive…but when she feels strongly about something, you can sense her real feelings even before she speaks up. Her eyes grow darker and more serious.”

Compare the scenes from last chapter where she speaks about ice-skating, or even waltzing, to this one. In both those scenes, her expression is mostly neutral (or joyful when she is imparting her knowledge), speaking of it in a way that makes you understand that her heart isn’t truly in doing those things. But in this one, she is lost in her music when she plays it, she is feeling its melody in her bones, she speaks of guarding her most precious skill fiercely against her parents’ control because it’s the one thing she wants for herself. She is fierce and passionate and absolutely beautiful in the way she expresses her love for music.

In an essay I did on exploring Hana’s character in her larger context, I spoke at length about how this scene is important because it highlights that her struggle for her own autonomy began at a very young age - she recognized her art as sacred to her and had the foresight to understand that parading it around the way her parents wanted her to, would make her love it less. This scene is amazing because Young Hana is described as pushing back in the only way she knew how, so she could keep what was hers, on her terms.

The other thing this scene explores is her childhood loneliness and lack of friends, and how music helped her in those difficult times too. At this point we now know how deep that loneliness was, and how damaging to her, but back then this scene gave a wonderful insight to Childhood Hana.

So for her to trust us with her art - with the art she fought to keep her own…that’s a tremendous leap in that relationship - whether the MC is a friend or a potential lover. Romantically, she is at the point where she is slowly…slowly getting comfortable with the MC’s touch, allowing it to linger before she pulls away from her. She’s a bit like a butterfly who doesn’t know yet if she’s ready to leave her cocoon.

Drake: The picture presented to us of Drake here is the diamond-in-the-rough, the underdog, the one who views court and palace differently from everyone around him. He is there to remind us that this is not the charmed place we think it is, that even friends can stick knives in our backs. He speaks of the forced politeness of the nobility, the fact that he’s here only to protect Liam, that the MC is an innocent woman who doesn’t know what she is getting into and needs protection as well.

This scene comes with what was regarded as an important plot point at the time: who almost sold pictures of Liam’s bachelor party to the press? Drake and Bastien managed to get hold of them and prevent them from being published, knowing that having those printed before the social season would cast Liam in a more negative light, and make things harder for him. At this point, Drake is sure that someone he knows and possibly considers a friend is involved (close enough, but not quite there yet), but can’t yet figure out who (because, yknow, Olivia was the brains between the two, she cracked that mystery in under five minutes or something).

If you don’t buy this scene, you only get to know about the pictures in Book 2 Chapter 4. A lot of Drake’s scenes involve important plot points - some of which we won’t even hear the same way - or at all - if we don’t buy the scene (eg. the flashback scenes about Hana’s return and the Italian restaurant scene about Liam’s assassination). I recall buying quite a few of his scenes in the latter half of Book 1 and most of Book 2 just to find out stuff about other LIs.

The scene is pretty sweet - it highlights his now-famous whiskey obsession, has Drake openly show his protectiveness towards her minus the jaded sarcastic veneer, and has him warn her about the nature of this court. It has a line that I quite liked when I first saw the scene, but that fandom has pretty much ruined for me - “the moments in between”. Where he speaks of how the nobility are so busy schmoozing and being superficial that they miss the really important parts. It’s a beautiful thought, but the fact is I’m still paying like 17 diamonds to get it, which makes it a…pretty expensive moment.

But overall…it’s a nice scene. The look and feel of it is different from the other two, and so is the purpose.

• The focus of all these three scenes is clearly trust.

Liam completely trusts her opinion of him and confesses openly his desire to let go of all that is holding him back, even though he is still confused and conflicted about his own feelings.

Hana trusts her so much, that she will share piano pieces that she lovingly composed to the MC, even though she never performs for people. It is a measure of how much Hana values the MC that she will share such a secret part of herself with her.

Drake, who once came this close to calling the MC a crown chaser, now views the same woman as an innocent who doesn’t know what she is getting into. He will later tell her that that aspect of her journey reminds him of Savannah. He trusts the MC enough to give her important information about something he still views as a possible plot targeted at Liam, and tells her their moments mean something to him.

Chapter 8 of the second book took this theme forward for the initial three LIs, by showing us trust in other forms. Liam’s firm belief in his father’s dedication to his nation (which will crumble soon). Drake’s being convinced by the MC to stay on and hear out his sister, to give her a chance to explain what really happened to her, and his emotional reunion with her. Hana’s scene…was more about gaining someone’s trust - particularly Penelope’s. (it is also one of the worst scenes the series has ever given an LI, whoever wrote that one can fall on a cactus).

We are approaching a midpoint in the story, so at this point the narrative is progressing each of these relationships towards the point where they trust this woman, view her as a valuable person in their lives, and inch ever-so-slightly towards that eventual realization that they are in love with her.

•

Another point in the Tariq shoe tally!! I wonder if this ‘ghost’ deals with 'future misdeeds’ as well…

• We spend a few more days in Lythikos before we move back to the Capitol for the Royal Regatta, and both Esther and Persy are like “YOU HAD A FEW DAYS TO ASK IF I KNEW WHAT A FUCKING REGATTA WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MAXWELL”.

• So…a lot happens this chapter. The MC begins to rope in (or not) her first allies in the court, she has a strong foothold by now and is beginning to get noticed as more than just a random contender who wouldn’t last, she gains the trust of the people she is growing close to.

But most of all…Lythikos is where Olivia begins to lose the hold she once had on the court, and this is never more apparent than if you are losing supporters rather than gaining them (if you are more popular, it won’t be that apparent, since you will move far ahead of the competition). There will be times when the press may not pay attention to her, there will be ladies who club the MC and Olivia both together as “not a proper fit for becoming a queen”. She is still very much a frontrunner, she may win the Regatta if you fail all the steps to the boat race, but after this it will be harder for her to gain support whether or not the MC succeeds.

Shortly after this point, Olivia also doesn’t antagonize the MC as blatantly as she did in Lythikos, save for a snide remark to the MC (with a life jacket of all things) if you choose to go to her yacht in the next chapter. She will eventually begin to thaw towards you in Applewood.

• Constantine and Regina are conspicuous by their absence this chapter, and Constantine announces that he is stepping down the next. Which probably means he found out sometime between the Masque and this event that he was ill (since we don’t see him at the Derby). I’m headcanoning that they visited Leo around this time (optionally with the RoE MC, since the housewarming party in Newlyweds seems to happen sometime around the social season (it could be earlier or later too…but humour me 😂)

• So…Regatta in Chapter 9! Lots of sun, fun and (Persephone-willing) PLENTY of mess.

• Before I sign of, here is Persy’s Share of Mess this chapter (except for the bloodcurdling scream she gives when Olivia kisses Liam, I forgot to screenshot that 🙈 How on earth did Maxwell’s poor ears survive??):

• Until next week, folks!

–

• Tally Counts:

Number of Times Drake has Called Esther/Persy by Their First Names: 5

Number of Times Tariq Has Mentioned His Shoes: 3

Number of Times Drake Has Taken An Alcoholic Drink that’s Not Whiskey: 1

Number of Times Someone Has Called A Reigning Monarch 'Your Highness’: 2

Number of Times You Can Leave Hana Shook. SHOOK I TELLS YA: 4

Number of Times We See Penelope’s Angryface: 2

–

#long post #the royal romance #trr quick thoughts #trr qts #hana lee #trr kiara #king liam #olivia nevrakis #drake walker #i stan for kiki #this was honestly one of my fave chapters to write for

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madechoreturns · 4 years

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The Two Minute Road To Happyness : My Discovery & Rediscovery of the Humble Maggi.

It happened just yesterday - I stood at a counter in a grocery shop well distant from the rest [ for all future purposes, this is being written at the time of the Corona Lockdown in India, and currently at Bhubaneswar. ], with a cart full of random food stuff, amongst which were all the TopRamen Curry (the best flat-noodles, everrr!!!) the shop had in stock. I looked across the partition, and there was this lady on the other side with her son, who didn't seem older than 10 years, constantly staring at her with puppy-eyes as if earnestly requesting for some treat while pulling down on her dupatta - forcefully enough to warrant attention, yet careful enough of the barrage that could ensue. And inevitably so, she finally gave into those tugging and calmly reaffirmed her predicament, "There is no Yippee left; You'll have to eat maggi". With all that's going around these days - the cooking and studying - that moment had just skipped the register of memories, until today's lunch when I Swiggied. "Veg n Cheese Corn Maggi with extra Cheese" is what I ordered and was delivered to me in under an hour. The moment I opened the packet though, I was hit with a smell of nostalgia. It has been ages since ordered food had "that maggi smell" in it. Of course, the menu did say maggi - but, with an emphasis on the but, it never was that maggi which I knew. It was either some other brand, mix, or ingredients which didn't make it the maggi that it should have been. If Shakespeare would have asked me then, What's in a name? - I would have surely replied, "Something different".

My tryst with Maggi was like any other kid of the early 90s. Easy to cook food, loved by the child and ate without a fuss. However, being an overweight child, in a very conscious family and yet giving into those wishes and cravings of mine - as my Mom at times was - I used to have maggi, once every fortnight. It could have been every week too, but I didn't want to bid adieu to french toast and thus reached an amicable truce. To be honest, maggi was the first thing I learned to cook (everyone's is), but rather learnt to experiment (which till date is how I cook anything). To adding spices and eggs to bournvita and ghee - I have had conjured all sorts of maggi - and never was a bowl wasted. I learnt how Soy sauce works, when once I had accidentally put half a bottle in a 2 cake maggi, and covered it up with sugar, for Taste!

However what fascinated me the most, and still does, is the taste maker. I can wager you anything for the statement that follows : Go to any hostel, get hold of the guy who wastes the most, and I am more than sure, even he/she would have patted the Tastemaker packet enough till every ounce fell into the mix and made sure any stary bits were properly licked. Thus, was the magic of that pandemonium of a multitude of spices and aroma that created such a distinct timid yet tempered flavour, one that suits, fits and satiates every palate.

In those times, when Chowmein was luxury, Ramen wasn't available, fastfood was looked upon and a Sunday breakfast meant the entire family at the table - Maggi was the perfect garnish. And not just family, friendships have been forged under the evaporation of the maggi mix. In school the maggi cake (cold maggi in shape of a cuboid tiffin) was the first to be eaten, notwithstanding who got it. The first time the entire boys' hostel of AIIMS Bhubaneswar congregated in a room was when someone took out his induction and cooked maggi. The first time me and the two roomies of mine got into a fight of who would do those dishes, was after a maggi meal. So much was maggi attached to me, and us, that in our batch magazine, the caption under my pic reads, "No one is alone while eating maggi" (thanks, Akshat!). And yes, all those were the stories of maggi - no Yippee, or WaiWai, or Pasta, or TopRamen or anything; plain and humble maggi. Yes, it never took two minutes to make, yet it was a wonder wrapped around a piece of yellow plastic.

It is said, Imitation is the truest form of flattery - and it's true when you see the variants available as options once you go to a store to get stuff. From brands to flavours, from taste to time taken to prepare - there is a plethora of option to choose from. Children these days know more about how which Instant Noodle (towards the end of the article, I mention the actual technical name for the first time!) goes with what sauce and what dip and so on; whereas, for me it was a bit soupy maggi, with tomato sauce, and a bit of chilli sauce - four gulps - and an empty bowl. Those were easier times it seems, and yet every child under 15 now will differ.

In hindsight, years have passed since those days when Maggi was a delicacy. Gradually as food style changed it just transformed for something looked upto to something looked down upon as being unhealthy and harmful. Everyone remembers the year maggi was banned, and maybe it was that watershed moment that made us look elsewhere. New flavors and taste became the norm while the OG of Instant Noodle was pushed into retirement. Also, I have nobody else to blame rather than me - in the meantime I became a connoisseur spaghetti, a lover of lasagna and a preacher of the perfect bechamel sauce pasta; and buried within all this was that guy who didn't even use a spatula but a fork and a spoon, checking the salt and pepper and "masala" in the water (just as Sanjeev Kapoor would have) while I was making something basic. But, the truth was, it was fun, it was love for the food. I wasn't trying to make something worthy of an Insta post or just a quick belly fill - but was putting in hardened effort to make something which I would sit in front of the TV and gobble it upto Mahabharata or Shri Krishna. Surely those days are gone, but not the characters involved (and also Mahabharata is re-running now).

So, when I opened my lunch I realised, how far have we come since those days. It was necessary and inevitable, but yes there always will be a longing, to go back to those "easy" days. As I always had a high BMI, I was always kept in check of the amount and quality of food that my mom cooked, and I always thought, once I go out of this cocoon I will eat whatever I wish for - sans restrictions. And so I did that, and a decade latter ask me, I will always wish to go back to that Santula and Badhi Chura (Odia dishes - Google It).

Here I am at a crossroad of time when I can make the finest Amuse-bouche or any hors d'oeuver right upto the dessert (and everything in between) - but will eagerly and happily and unflinchingly go back to the time when I could have some ghee on rice and posto-bara to call it a feast. The depth of this wish is, as a very good friend of mine would say, Unfathomable.

And as I finished my lunch, and was back on track to this semi mundane life of mine, I stopped for a while, and asked myself - Won't it be nice, to have a Sunday breakfast, with both Maggi and French Toast. Mama wouldn't say yes, maybe now she would.. But think, the dilemma aside, wouldn't it be aweosme?

As always, Bon Appetit 🍽️

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acequeenking · 5 years

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At Times, Love Is...(T)

Summary: 25 One-Sentence Ficlets of various scenes through Hades and Persephone’s marriage. Written for the Hadestown week on Tumblr for the Favorite Couple prompt; rated T for some implied sexual references. At Ao3 here.

At times, Love is....

1. [...a final image of the sky, disappearing as he swept her down to the world below]

Her first thought of the Underworld was that she missed the skies above; there was no sky there but dirt, and for a moment after she went down with him, she could see why her mother had forbidden her from ever coming here, but then Hades had taken her hand and led her deeper into his kingdom and she knew it would be home, because he was there.

2. [...an island, carved by shaking, desperate hands]

Hades knew that the Underworld was not what she wanted, even at the start, but he thought once that she might get used to it, if he made it suit her — he made tropical islands in the darkness, Lethe lapping at their shores, and dared to hope it would make her happy — but he caught the way her mouth frowned as she looked up at his false sun, even if his stubborn pride wouldn't let him admit to himself that she'd never stay with him for good.

3. [...A tradition among Gods, or sacred rites even more ancient than that]

It was tradition, even among Gods, to have a wedding celebration — but Persephone couldn't say that she minded the way he made her his wife, pressing her into the dirt of her mother's garden, raining desperate kisses on her mouth, tracing molten gold into a ring around her finger.

4. [...a moonlight smile, teeth glinting in the dark]

For a while, they were happy in moonlight; six months, give or take, but sooner or later, she'd start tapping out a melody he couldn't follow, and he'd be left watching her saunter out the door with a kiss on his cheek, telling him she would be back in the fall.

5. [...a heart, stopped and still]

It wasn't that she wanted to leave him, it was that she had to — she had a job to do, and she couldn't do it underground; he never noticed that when she left, her heart stayed, dead and buried in the ground with him.

6. [...subtle gifts delivered on a nondescript Wednesday]

Every so often, a little trinket found its way upstairs to her, carried on a crow's wing; no one could figure out exactly how he'd done it, and there was foolish male pride in that: after the third broach he'd made winged its way to Persephone one summer, his rarely-seen seasonal sister paid him a visit, fire on her mouth as she told him to stay away, that he was a distraction — still, Persephone wore them all coming back in the fall, and seeing her in his handiwork, he felt seized with a passion that could break Olympus wide open, on her command alone.

7. [...an image of an unknown and unwanted grandfather]

She never knew her grandfather, not really; he'd been in Tartarus since long before she had been born and no one up above talked about the rebellion anymore — but she knew him immediately when she saw his picture at the Museo del Prado during one of her trips up top; grandfather, silver-hair slick with sweat as he devoured the world, eyes mad; Saturn devouring his son, the caption said, and she realized which son it was and left, sick with shock; winter came early that year, and she held him for a month in their bed, hands curled around his many scars, trying not to notice that the possessive madness that gripped Hades often looked all too similar.

8. [...a jump into a lake, one hand held in the other]

She could never get him to the ocean, but she took him to a lakeshore once — he'd stood there fully dressed in a black swimsuit (and it was a suit in every sense of the word despite his grumbling insistance of how naked he felt), awkward despite his bulk, but she'd pushed him into his brother's domain and saw him crack just a hint of a smile before he pulled her down with him into the sweet freshwater, holding her close as they bobbed in the water's current, exploring a new domain together.

9. [...Failing to stop yourself from going over a cliff, even knowing you should]

He knew he shouldn't resent it when she was gone but he did, always, and over the years, the accusations thrummed hotter and hotter in his mind; in spring, the poison built up in his blood, and even knowing it was driving her away, he could not stop it from spilling from his lips.

10. [...Breaking your own heart, and trying desperately to mend the cracks]

She didn't want to go home anymore because she could always see those months above ground burning with a jealous fire in his eyes; he could not follow and he judged her for going without him, and the guilt that burned deep in her heart was fire hotter than any fury he could produce.

11. [...An entire winter spent wishing things were different, somehow]

They made up, after a while — as they always did, when she softened enough to drape herself over him, to promise him that he was her lord and her star, and he knew it was his fault and that he should apologize but it was easier to simply be relieved when she made the effort for him, to kiss her his wordless apologies and hope she understood. 12. [...whispered rumors, following in your wake]

Persephone hated Olympus because everyone threw themselves at her as if she was a particularly fine piece of meat; she wasn't interested in being someone's side dish, and when they tried to convince her by insisting Hades (conspicuously never on the guest list) was doing the very same in hell, she laughed, refusing to be baited by the rumors — Persephone knew death had the patience to wait forever.

13. [...i miss you, whispered by one absent party to another]

When she was gone, Hades turned to countless inventions as ways to keep busy, and tried not to think of his wife, free from the yoke of him around her shoulders as she laughed her way through the upper world and the viper's nest called Mount Olympus — but the simple tune and steady beat of machinery did nothing to drown out the sound of jealous laughter in his mind.

14. [...the goal, but it is hard to reach]

When she came home, he started to make little changes; he had started building a furnace, then a mill, then a refinery — "I wanted to make it a little livelier for you, lover," he said, and she tried to ignore how profane it felt, to hear an above-ground whistle yell for dead workers.

15. [...yesterday, obvious in hindsight]

He was frustrated by her complete inability to understand how he was doing this for her, all of this, for her, trying to make his underworld into something that resembled the modern world up top: factories, light, heat, life — and still she frowned and still Hades wanted nothing but to go back to that garden, all those years ago, and try again, and still, as crafty as he was, he had no idea how to do that.

16. [...shopping for something you cannot buy]

Sometimes, as a distraction, she had him take her shopping upstairs; he took pride in dressing her in all the fineries that he could afford, which was all of them — but nothing had made both their hearts tremble so much as when he had tried to buy her a diamond ring to replace her golden one, and she refused, preferring the one he made her with his own fingers to anything he could buy.

17. [...coffee in a summer cafe, sweet and bitter]

He tried to go up for a date with her on the other side when he was strained, when the lightning in his blood needed an outlet because he was ready to burn up from missing her so much; blinking into sunlight he hated, sweating in a coat that felt too heavy for the weather, he thought about nothing but how much he hated the upper world — but then she was there and she pulled him into a dark, cool cafe and he knew he never loved her more as she smiled and handed him a frothy latte, the color the same gorgeous cafe-brown as her skin — of course, it was a lovely distraction, but all too soon the underworld called him home, and he came to a cold bed with an ache inside nothing but her could fill.

18. [...friends, family, and the little lies we tell]

She wanted kids and he wanted kids but nothing grew in the realm of the dead, and she knew if she had a sunshine child with him, she would have to stay longer in the light, and knew he would die of jealous neglect in the darkness; when he started calling their charges their children instead, she went with it, even knowing that it was a lie, and tried hard not to show her disgust — but he, who missed nothing, saw it anyway and then things got much, much worse.

19. [...a horse, so desperate for the feedbag it never notices the blinders sliding over its eyes]

At their most fragile point, Hades seduced Eurydice in a vivid revenge fantasy; wanted to make his simultaneously beloved and bereaved wife cry as he rutted the girl like his brothers had done to other women, but in the end, he couldn't go through with it — she was little more than a mare trying to eek out oats, the dumb child, and he passed his hand over her and sent her to the factories with only his shame on his mind.

20. [...champion over all, for a moment, anyway]

She knew Orpheus would win over Hades heart, because he was so much of what Hades had been, once — an awkward but passionate thing, pleading his case for a love he held beyond compare; when she clung to her King's arm, she felt his heart race, and knew a taste of victory — Orpheus did too, before his own doubts snatched it away, history repeating itself in a bitter note; mortals didn't get to try again, as they could.

21. [...cat-like grace, predatory and powerful in surprising places]

She was like a cat, his wife, stalking his bed after the boy left; he watched her as she carefully unfolded her clothing, sitting naked and alone on their last winter's night together, but however distracting she was, he couldn't be dissuaded from his mission: "I want to start over with you," he'd blurted out, and she'd purred, stalking him like the prey he'd always been as her lips closed over his, and the words me too were whispered into his scars as she pulled off his clothing and his doubts in one wide swipe, and he said "I'm sorry," as he took her down and she gasped quietly, and their ancient rings clinked against one another in the darkness as they whispered I love yous in thousands of languages, and they both knew it was different, this time.

22. [...a pretty picture]

They'd awoken on the vernal equinox, curled up in one another's arms for the first time in years, and Persephone took the time to admire every bit of him as he slept; relief at his drowsy smile flooded through every part of her — in those last hours, she threaded her fingers through his hair, and he murmured half-awake but wholly-felt love-songs into her breast, and she decided maybe winter could be a bit longer this year.

23. [...evening-song, melancholy but full of promise]

When the time came for them to part — in May, and only because all-father Zeus had loudly insisted — he held her close and asked if maybe she'd mind if he took her out for a dance upstairs during the summer-time and he kept this promise by showing up uninvited on Olympus a couple of months later; they danced the tango past his gawking brothers and her tutting mother and all the whispers about them, and wound up horizontally giggling in one of Hera's peacock gardens, and he couldn't think of a time he was happier in the summertime than that.

24. [...the sound of the heart at a loved one's arrival, akin to bumblebee's buzzing]

The feeling builds in her gradually each summer, a thrumming vibration that buzzes through her soul like a hummingbird's wings, vibrates like the wail of the train as it come down the line; when he throws open the door, it's all she can do not to explode with energy into his arms.

25. [...an alarm clock, disabled]

He's slowed down Hadestown, stripped it until nothing is left but the kingdom of dirt he led her to all those years ago, with its dripping caverns and asphodel fields; its gloomy and cold but there is still warmth between them, and she regrets nothing of it, and when he asks if there's anything here she likes, she takes his hand and just leads him deeper down, way down under the ground — after all, it's not perfect, but it's always been home.

Notes:

The prompts were borrowed from One Sentence Only's Table 25/C, but I bent the rules a bit to add in the structure: each of the headings is meant to follow "At Times, Love Is..." and the prompts are the words in bold.

The picture Persephone sees in the Museo Del Prado in #7 is this one by Francisco Goya (warning: this painting is really graphic and not for sensitive audiences, which is why I'm only linking it here). It's not mentioned what son it is, but I'm taking creative license in saying that it's Hades. *shrug*

#Hadestown #hadestownweek #Hades #Persephone #Hades/Persephone #my fic #AQK writes fanfiction

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taffysannotatedsonichu · 4 years

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Sonichu 10 Page 94

CHRIS: Sonichu fans from here will join others from around the world. And you will be witnessing the largest personal image change in the history of mankind. “Mankind”… that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is Mexico’s Flag Day, and we will once again be saluting an image of freedom… not just from trolling, lonliness, or persecution, but also from heartbreak. We are fighting for our right to love. To be honest. And when the sun sets today, the twenty fourth of February will no longer be known as only a Mexican holiday, but as the day Sonichu fans and I declared in one voice, “we will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to survive! Today, we celebrate our Christian Love Day!

Caption: February 24, 2010 Christian Weston Chandler

This entire speech is essentially lifted wholesale from the 1996 film Independence Day. Near the end of the film, the president of the United States, played by Bill Pullman, addresses a group of American pilots who are about to join in with pilots from other air forces from other nations and launch a strike against alien invaders as a group. The gist of the speech is that this is a moment that unifies all humans regardless of nationality against a common foe, and his hopes that going forward, humanity will become more tolerant of each other. He notes that the strike is setting out on the Fourth of July, American Independence Day, and his hopes that going forth all nations will appropriate the holiday, not in celebration of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, but in celebration of the destruction of the aliens.

Chris rewrites it sloppily to be about witnessing the “largest personal image change in the history of mankind”, likely referring to people becoming more tolerant of him (what he intended to happen) and not people being horrified by the carnage Chris just unleashed and becoming more disgusted with him (what actually happened).

Chris notes that his birthday, 24 February, coincides with the Flag Day of Mexico. In Mexico, this celebrates the date the first green, white, and red flag for Mexico was created. Many other countries hold similar flag days, the US celebrates theirs on 14 June. Mexico’s Flag Day is the most notable holiday to occur on 24 February, so Chris singles it out, despite the holiday (and most flag days in general) are usually minor holidays at most.

Like how the president in Independence Day wished for the American Independence Day to become a global holiday, Chris wishes here for his birthday to become a global holiday, something he talked about earlier this issue. But now, instead of 24 February celebrating the end of the homos, now it celebrates the executions of the Asperpedia Four, and the end of trolling. Which, despite the unanimously negative reception the executions were, it kind of was. With a decade of hindsight, the release of the ending of Sonichu 10 feels like the end of an era. Up to this point, Chris’s life had been an endless stream of troll sagas, one after the other, but by February 2010, most of the greats had left Chris’s life. Clyde was dead, Liquid was married to Kacey, most of Chris’s most beloved sweethearts were also dead, and funnily enough the Asperpedia Four’s executions were basically the end of the Asperchu saga, aside from one last phone call with Alec and some final emails with Evan. Asperchu would continue to run for another two years, but Chris would largely ignore it. The remainder of 2010 was the domain of Surfshack Tito, a troll claiming to be the Rocket Power character of the same name, and Jackie Romy, Chris’s last classic sweetheart. Then 2011 through 2017 would be filled mostly sagas of his own creation - Tomgirl, Sonic Boom, Chris’s forays into business and the Financhu Saga, his fury towards the presidential campaign and election of Donald Trump, and Chris’s interactions and saga with Planet Dolan artist DoopieDoOver. There were Catherine and Jessica, Chris’s post-classic but still fairly traditional sweethearts in 2014 and 2017 respectively, but the first real troll saga Chris had in almost seven years happened with the widely maligned Idea Guy saga.

And given the fact that these were the last pages of Sonichu released for more than five years (the first few pages of the Christmas special were released before this, but as they are considered part of Sonichu 11 I will discuss them in Sonichu 11, along with the long awaited conclusion), this seems like a suitable sendoff. Capping off the most notorious issue of the comic, where Chris destroyed a building killing hundreds inside, paralyzed an old woman because she tore up his sign, and on only the previous page he broke all the bones in a man’s body as his cronies mutilated others just because they made fanart he didn’t like, with a nearly word-for-word remake of one of the most famous speeches in movie history, combined with a picture of him posing triumphantly while his main two hedgehogs hold hands behind him, is just brilliant. The whiplash is just pure joy. Though I’m glad Chris returned to the comic and continues to sporadically release new content, if the end of Sonichu 10 was the end of the comic, I wouldn’t complain.

Also Chris didn’t put an end quotation mark at the end of the quote in the speech.

#Sonichu 10 #Director Amenities #Christian Weston Chandler #sonichu #Rosechu

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fly-pow-bye · 5 years

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Powerpuff Girls 2016 - “The Fog”

Written by: Jake Goldman, Haley Mancini

Written & Storyboarded by: Benjamin P. Carow, Caitlin Vanarsdale

Directed by: Nick Jennings, Bob Boyle

It may be 4/20, but the fog isn't from that.

One of the sad things about the reboot is that newer audiences may associate The Powerpuff Girls with some terrible cartoon that aired in 2016 to 2019. One of the other sad things is that there are moments when the reboot almost gets something actually funny, but is ruined by either a bad performance or just poor timing. This opening joke with Discount Jojo opening his mail is an example of both.

Discount Jojo: Ugh, junk, junk, junk, letter from Aunt Janine? ...junk.

It took me three times to actually see that this was supposed to be a joke, and I can tell because he gets this wide eyed expression once he gets to it. I am sure it was supposed to be Jojo almost looking like he had some sort of soft spot for his aunt that we never heard of, but the line is read just as monotonously as the rest.

It could be likely that Roger L. Jackson is just getting through his lines to get this reboot over with. However, Jojo immediately disproves that as soon as he gets a special letter.

Discount Jojo got a free boat! Yeah, this is just the opening segment of Lisa the Skeptic. They couldn't even be bothered to come up with a different prize than the one Homer was lured in with. All he has to do is go to a hotel called the Doomflower. He walks in, and he falls into a trap door into a conference room, where he meets some other villains who were lured in by this obvious ruse.

He meets the Gnat, who laments that even with his great genius, he was fooled by this too. According to him, he's the greatest foe of the Powerpuff Girls, he should know! Yeah, I guess there's a joke here since Discount is supposed to be their arch enemy, and the Gnat is just...the Gnat. The other villains that will show up are not nearly as fitting as him or, sadly, Discount Jojo, but they're welcome anyway.

The Fashionistas show up, and I'm surprised to say there's a minor bit of continuity here. They actually remembered that Barbarus, the giant pink gorilla, is his ex-girlfriend. It's a plot thread that started in Monkey Love, and, unlike most potential plot threads in this reboot, managed to survive for another episode. Not much else is made of this outside of the one scene, which is a point in this episode's favor, but it was neat to see nonetheless.

Oh yeah, there's also these other guys that we never seen before. Not to say they have bad designs or anything, in fact, I could see potential in that ball of yarn villain, but they barely do anything to even be named in this review. Sorry if you wanted to see anything on the realm of Meet The Beat-Alls, and, if you did, welcome to the reboot. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here. In fact, calling this a "big villain team-up" episode would be an overstatement, as they don't really actually do any team moves.

As they're all wondering where the boat is, the mastermind behind this fake boat scam reveals themselves. It's The Sultan of Steam! The Villain of Vapor! The Cloud of Crime!

...The Fog, a cloud with glowing yellow eyes. This fog wants only one thing: the destruction of the Powerpuff Girls, and this villain is offering a bounty of one million dollars. This gets everyone interested, because they all wanted to do that anyway.

The anvil guy, it doesn't matter what his name is, protests, as he has never heard of this fog villain before. Speak for yourself. The fog then takes him down very easily just by enveloping him in the vapor and beating him up. This instantly gets all the villains to respect this new guy as their new leader. Even Jojo, which is kind of out of character for him. Maybe if it was Him or even Silico, maybe.

Suddenly, The Fog gets interrupted. This episode's running gag is Marsha of the Doomflower, showing up to make sure everything is going great. She's always acting all cheerful no matter what she's seeing. While I don't remember laughing at this, I certainly would know if I did, I at least find it kind of charming. It actually tying into the plot at one point helps a lot.

Meanwhile, the Powerpuff Girls are enjoying a nice sunny day with their sprinkler from Painbow. Thankfully, this is the only resemblance this episode has with Painbow outside of being a Buttercup-focused episode. Glad to see that the title card colored accordingly, a sad rarity in Season 3.

While the other two are enjoying playing around with the sprinkler, Buttercup is mad that she's not fighting bad guys and rescuing the people. Apparently, this has been one very slow month in Townsville. Thankfully, her wishes come true, as one-by-one, a villain shows up to try to defeat them once and for all.

The Gnat comes first, using a giant boot. He must have connections to that store that sold the giant terrarium and the giant jar, because that's the only place he could have got it. That's my headcanon. Unfortunately, for the Gnat, Buttercup easily punches him out, making him a rotating JPEG in the sky. Wow, that was easy!

The Fashionistas show up next, showing off their fall fashion line. Before they could do much of anything, they too become a rotating JPEG in the sky before long, this time by Bubbles! She actually gives reason to why they're beating her up aside from their threatening bling knuckles and beauty blasters.

Bianca Bikini: Fur coats!

Bubbles: No! (Makes fox aura) Fur is not fashion!

I mean, I'm not against this characterization for Bubbles. The one person who could talk to animals would be more conscious of such things. At least, I think she can still talk to animals, I wish we could have a reminder!

Discount Jojo shows up, too, with a helicopter hat. Blossom doesn't even need to come in to throw a punch, because Discount Jojo's hat ends up taking him to the sky for her. Why didn't I get a screenshot of this? Because it makes me sad.

I would talk about those other villains if they actually did anything. No really, they just forgot about them outside of the conference room moments. As an aside, it's a wonder how all these villains know where the Powerpuff Girls live; it's not like The Fog gave them directions.

Speaking of which, The Fog is not too happy with how none of them even landed a single punch on them. How did this Fog guy even know that they didn't? Hint #2 that something is up.

Bianca: At least our hair stayed in place. (hi-fives Barbarus)

They haven't done that many of those "gags so funny that they have to add in a fistbump as a makeshift laugh track" in season 3, so it took me a while to realize that is indeed a fistbump gag. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe it is not. What I can say is that Bianca's hair isn't even in place, so the joke does not even work.

As this villainous fog turns the crab man, it doesn't matter what his name is, into a Maine crab dinner, The Fog decides to forgo the entire "million dollar" and commands them to defeat the Powerpuff Girls or else. The Fog then gets another interruption from Marsha from the Doomflower Hotel, and we get hint #3 on something being up: she refers to The Fog as Ms. Fog. Well, maybe there's nothing saying The Fog couldn't be female, but as soon as the villains leave, we get our big reveal.

Oh yeah, hint #1 is that The Fog's voice just sounds like Bart Simpson with an even worse cold.

Yeah, The Fog is Buttercup, who was doing this just to get away from all of that boring sprinkler fun! Yes, Buttercup, a girl from a family that needs to shop at discount costume shop, managed to rent a giant conference room with a trap door. I could imagine a hotel called the Doomflower would have cheap rates, but there's no indication whatsoever that their service is poor or that their hotel has an abundance of spiders.

Buttercup knows this ruse will lead to a lot of action, and it sure did and sure will, even if it was far too one-sided. Buttercup says to herself if only Blossom could see her now, even if she knows that she would be in massive trouble if she did.

Blossom: She can.

Whoops! It turns out that Marsha has been giving some house calls to get The Fog to rate their quality service, and Buttercup decided to use the home phone number instead of using her cell phone. See, the running gag ties into the plot! If only more of them did. Buttercup gives her reasoning.

Buttercup: I'm bored! We haven't had a good fight in weeks!

Wow, even Buttercup is aware of how terrible the fight scenes are; it’s been at least 15 years since the last really good one. The two get concerned that these shenanigans will get them into trouble, because even they're aware that these plots just lead them to becoming the damsels in distress for the tomboy of the group to save. Buttercup just brushes them off, as it's not like anything bad is going to happen!

It turns out, the Destructo-Saur knows that there's a million dollars on the heads of those tiny little sugar pumpkins, and he wants it all! He says that The Fog sent him, even though Buttercup has never heard of this villain nor did she invite him with a boat that would be too small for him to enjoy. Something is up already, but there's no time to suspect anything.

Blossom starts the battle by doing what she does best: use her ice breath. Sure, the reboot has made some terrible decisions, but at least it knows Blossom's the only one who could do that! She also says a line that channels the spirit of Mr. Freeze from Batman & Robin. They may as well have done a direct quote; that movie is one of the few things this reboot could compare favorably to!

It doesn't work, of course. After seeing this dinosaur resist Blossom's ice breath, and not even making a single attempt to punch him, Bubbles comes to the obvious conclusion.

Bubbles: This guy's unstoppable!

Yeah, if only Erica The Red was still around! Thankfully for this episode, she’s not here.

After Buttercup fails to defeat him with a crossbow aura and her sisters get hit by a truck full of barbells, she gets stuck in a alleyway. Buttercup begs for mercy, and then another twist happens. It's actually a good twist here; it's one of the few decent moments out of a character that I usually dislike.

However, it does raise a few questions. I will spoil that the Powerpuff Girls end up being okay, even though they got hit by a truck full of barbells. I find it hard to just accept that they could survive getting hit by it, considering how easily they get defeated by things far less capable of defeating ordinary people.

Still in their bandages, the villains show up to finally do a team-up beatdown against the Powerpuff Girls for that sweet cash they were promised, and Buttercup ends the episode with this line:

Buttercup: If you start something...you have to end it!

This does makes me wonder if this episode was actually meant to be a season finale. I mean, we have a partial villain team-up, and the final shot is the Powerpuff Girls flying towards the villains. Well, I don't know what Bubbles is doing there, but I'd imagine the Gnat would get defeated by a stick.

Does the title fit?

Out of all the "name of a character" episodes, this one could at least represent that The Fog was this mysterious entity that nobody knew.

How does it stack up?

I was taken aback by this episode at first, but the less I saw this as a villain team-up and more of a Buttercup lesson episode, the more I grew to appreciate it. It's definitely one of the better Buttercup lesson episodes. It helps that this doesn't exactly turn into a "Buttercup has to save her sisters from a scheme she made", even if that's what it seems to imply at first.

I do wish they could have put in better fight scenes and actually did anything with those throwaway villains, but that's just a general feeling with the reboot. Other than that, a decent second twist, a running gag that fits in with the episode, and some potentially funny moments make this one of the better episodes in general. it's a fog I'm actually not unhappy to be in.

Next, a crucifixion. Seriously.

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#ppg 2016 #powerpuff girls #cartoon network #fpb ppg 2016 #fpb reviews

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agentelmo · 6 years

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The X-Files MSR Analysis Series: Season 1 Episode 12

“Fire”

Previous episode analysis - 1x11 Eve.

Oh Fire, what an episode. The first time we see Mulder actively pursue a woman and it’s not Scully. WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY.

It’s okay though, because it turns out Mulder’s ex -- Phoebe Green -- is a real piece of work, making it quite easy to dislike her, which is handy because I think that’s the point.

There are two MSR angles here. The first is how Scully is really there for Mulder as a friend. She sees he is vulnerable and is protective of him; she is caring and reassuring even when Mulder seemingly dismisses Scully in pursuit of that British poontang. The beauty of their blossoming platonic bond really shines through in this episode.

The second angle is that Mulder has exactly what he desires right in front of him, but doesn’t see it. Phoebe is a tantalising reminder of a lifestyle he’s given up -- having a woman in his life -- someone to love and care for who loves him back. But everything that he desires in Phoebe is already there in the form of Scully. The issue is that Mulder doesn’t allow himself to see her as anything more than his partner, his friend, and so doesn’t recognise that he has this incredible woman right under his nose already.

With this in mind, there are parts of Fire that almost play out like a stereotypical romcom. The male protagonist with the amazing female best friend who is perfect for him but he just continues to pursue terrible women, all while the best friend looks on from the sidelines, picking up the pieces, supporting him. Until one day... *cough* seven years later... *cough*

So since this is an MSR review series, I tend to start with Mulder and Scully, not the cold opening. But I have to comment on this, being English myself.

What were they thinking? It’s actually kind of painful seeing these frankly horrendous actors talk in exaggeratedly hoity-toity English accents.

Tally ho, pip pip, cheerio!

Did you feel that? It was the collective eye roll of the entire population of Ireland.

If this gets any worse we’ll be giving Dick Van Dyke a run for his money. But hey, thankfully we’re not here long since Lord Moneybags McPoshface goes up in smoke.

Now we’re off to see our favourite FBI star-crossed lovers. Muldo and Scullywag!

So this episode confirms that Mulder and Scully do have other cases between episodes that we just don’t see. Fertile ground for the old fanfic writers, amirite?

In fact, it’s reconfirmed again in the season 10 episode, Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster, where Mulder recounts how one time the two of them went on a case looking for a “rock-like creature”...

Only to discover it was a publicity stunt by a local landscaping business.

Yeah, I don’t remember that episode.

Makes me wonder who were they prosecuting in Fire? What case was this?! What cute MSR moments are we not getting to see?!

So we start with these two coming out of a hard day at court, Mulder jokes with Scully about the case.

Epic bants, Mulder. You slay me. And Scully too, apparently! She’s fucking giggling. GIGGLING.

Look at how cute they are. Having fun and enjoying each other’s company so effortlessly. There’s no guile about it, they are just comfortable being themselves.

Is it weird that I just feel happy seeing Mulder have a friend? He’s actually a pretty sweet, charming guy when he lets that side of himself out. Few people gave him the chance, and after so many years of being labelled “Spooky”, combined with some clear trust issues, he rarely gives anyone else a chance either.

Until Scully, of course.

Mulder relaxed and just having fun with Scully is my jam, fam. She laughs at his joke and he laughs at hers.

Just get fucking married, already.

Sadly, all marriage plans must be put on hold since some British bint arrives and ruins everyone’s day.

This “practical joke” Phoebe plays with the cassette tape gives some possible insight into the kind of relationship she and Mulder had when he was at Oxford.

She appears to enjoy toying with the emotions of others and then makes light of the consequences. I mean, here she makes Mulder and Scully believe they were about to be killed by a car bomb, but then makes no apology for it. Especially to Scully, someone she doesn’t know from Adam.

Mulder, clearly accustomed to her torment, doesn’t even bother to chide her for the prank, despite clearly scaring the shit out of Scully. I think he knows it’s easier to just play along.

Nicolas Cage, is that you?

Phoebe seems like the type who would say things like “it was only a joke” or “what’s the big deal?” or “stop being so over-sensitive” etc. The kind of gaslighting cunt that makes people crazy in an intimate relationship.

What’s interesting about these two is that it’s apparently been 10 years since they last saw each other, but Mulder wastes no time dredging up their romantic history like no time has passed at all. Making it abundantly clear that 1. Mulder isn’t entirely over Phoebe, and 2. he’s still resentful towards her for whatever it was she did to him in their relationship -- more on that later.

So spinning off on a tangent for a moment here... This all throws some serious shade on Mulder’s relationship with Diana Fowley. You would think that whatever left over resentments or lingering feelings he had towards Phoebe would have been resolved or at least faded in the wake of a new long term relationship with another woman. Mulder later says in this episode that he has spent the last 10 years trying to forget Phoebe -- it’s within those 10 years that he had a relationship with Diana.

This would place Mulder at Oxford in approximately 1983. He met and started dating Diana when he left Quantico which was three years later in 1986. We don’t know when their relationship ended, but let’s assume it was when she fucked off to Europe to work for the Syndicate in 1991. So, he was in a relationship with Diana for approximately five years and in all that time he still harboured feelings for Phoebe. Wow. It’s strange to think, that 100% canonically Mulder wasn’t over Phoebe when he was with Diana. Perhaps Phoebe was his first love?

I mean, it’s possible -- he was very young then. It would certainly explain why he doesn’t ever romantically pursue Diana when she returns, even though he could have, and she was certainly interested. Perhaps his feelings for Diana weren’t quite what we’re led to believe? Or perhaps it’s simply that his growing feelings for Scully just made things too complicated. Personally, I blame Amor Fati for muddying the waters on that one.

Aaaaaaanyway, back to Fire.

I love Scully’s face when Phoebe feeds Mulder this cheese-tastic line.

She’s clearly uncomfortable witnessing this, most likely feeling somewhat of an awkward third wheel. Not to mention a little put out -- dat’s my man biyotch!

I jest, but I wonder if there is some truth to the idea that she felt special to Mulder because he is a loner. This man who doesn’t let anyone get close chose her to open up to. Yet she’s now realising that wasn’t always true, and perhaps her connection to him isn’t as special as first thought? I mean look at her face, she clearly does not like this.

The dynamic between these two women is intriguing too. Phoebe clearly makes Scully uncomfortable. Firstly, Phoebe never acknowledges Scully’s presence; only greeting her when forced to by Mulder’s introduction.

To play this joke on the two of them, Phoebe had to have been watching them approach the car and no doubt overheard their conversation -- noting their close relationship. Seemingly she’s already sized Scully up as rival for Mulder’s attention -- someone to undermine -- and so expertly removes her from every interaction the three of them have by outright ignoring her.

It almost works too, Mulder is clearly enthralled with Phoebe, gazing at her the whole time in this dreamy way, but as soon as Phoebe says this:

It breaks Mulder out of her spell almost instantly -- he even physically pushes her back.

Talking shit about Scully is the point at which Mulder will no longer play along.

There’s some interesting symbolism in this scene with the camera work too. Where Phoebe and Mulder are always in frame together, and Scully is separate -- the camera reflecting how Phoebe’s relationship to Mulder re-positions Scully as the outsider.

So before we move on, I gotta share the amazing eye fucking that is going on during the cassette tape scene in the car.

That second picture looks like it should be captioned “find someone who looks at you the way Mulder looks at Scully.” I mean, geez man. His face is a weapon of mass seduction. He really should have a licence for that thing.

Next we’re in basement HQ and Scully notices straight away that something is up with Mulder.

She keeps eyeing him as he is clearly becoming more and more uncomfortable. But why might that be? On first viewing you could be forgiven for thinking Mulder is just getting hot under the collar -- pardon the pun -- chatting away with his old flame. Pardon that pun too. Potentially this is what Scully assumes as well, but we know with hindsight that it’s because he’s listening to Phoebe ream off the details of how her suspect likes to burn people alive.

Phoebe maintains her campaign of exclusion. Trying to undermine Scully by completely ignoring her, and then throwing out a reference to a “private joke” she shares with Mulder -- drawing a clear barrier between the two of them and Scully. She’s making it clear that she’s talking to Mulder and only Mulder.

As Phoebe leaves, having never once glanced in Scully’s direction, she suddenly says goodbye to her, treating her as an afterthought to emphasise that Scully is neither needed or wanted.

Seriously, dis bitch man. Scully is onto you.

As Phoebe tries to erect barriers, Scully immediately kicks them back down again as she straight up asks Mulder what’s this private joke is.

That’s my girl.

Mulder concedes, but you can tell he is embarrassed. I love that you can see the exact moment he decides to just tell her the truth.

Up until this point Mulder has kept his private life quite guarded, even from Scully. For all the world to see, he is a man entirely about his quest. Revealing to Scully that he has the same frailties as any other man -- falling in love with the wrong woman, for example -- is making himself vulnerable to her too. The fact that doesn’t stop him is a testament to their relationship at this point, to how much he trusts and respects Scully. He feels safe with her.

Only living for his quest is how Scully saw Mulder too, so to see that he can be consumed by something other than the X-Files -- be made vulnerable by a woman -- is surprising to her. She’s seeing another side to him.

When Mulder starts to deny he’s affected by Phoebe now, Scully takes the opportunity to dig him out a lil’ bit. Of course she’s gonna call him out on his bullshit. That’s what friends do.

What’s striking about this exchange though is that shes not jealous. She’s amused. Shes truly playing the role of his best friend, looking out for him rather than being the best friend secretly in love with him -- which she totally is by the end of season 1. What? Fight me.

That switch Scully talks about in season 6′s Rain King? It’s not been flicked quite yet. She still only sees him as a friend, someone she cares about deeply, but she’s not at “the only person you can ever imagine yourself with” point. Not quite yet.

Guys. Did Scully just make a dick joke? Like, not just any dick joke... but an erection joke? And, and... not just any erection joke, but Mulder’s erection joke?

Wut.

Also what the heck is that voice she puts on? “Is that what you were extending?” She is so cute when she’s teasing him. UGH!

Now this is where I see some of the romcom-y aspects of the episode come in. Mulder is honest, open and unguarded with Scully -- playful, even. He’s being his usual self again. This cool, controlled act he seems to don when Phoebe is around is completely shed and they banter away again like they did moments before Phoebe arrived. Basically, with Phoebe, he knows revealing weakness is danger, whereas with Scully he can let his weaknesses show.

Dude... the perfect woman for you is right there. RIGHT THERE! OMG.

Unfortunately, this could then mean something negative for the MSR, at least here and now in season 1. That perhaps Mulder doesn’t even allow himself to see Scully as a “woman” i.e. as a sexual being. Thus she is safe to bare his soul to, she’s his friend and partner only -- a non-threat.

But I suspect that’s actually what Mulder needs. To see Scully this way first. A friend and equal first and a lover second. Even when they are finally together I believe this is how they continue to see each other.

Entering into a romantic relationship with Scully then, would be the ultimate statement of self-healing for Mulder. That he can find love with a nurturing, caring, loving woman rather than an emotionally damaging one. Let’s stick a pin in that thought, we’ll come back to that.

So Mulder and Phoebe go down to the arson specialist, Agent Beatty, and he proceeds to slather all over Phoebe. He’s being quite gross and creepy, actually. Almost makes me feel sorry for her.

Yeah... Almost.

Thing is, she knows the power she wields over men and uses it against them. More power to her when the men in question are like this guy. But Mulder? She’s basically kicking a puppy.

It always bothered me how OTT Agent Beatty is with Phoebe. Is it the British thing? I am not the kind of woman to tear another woman down about her looks -- Phoebe is beautiful -- but the guy is falling over himself. Is that really warranted? It’s gotta be the accent. I don’t get it, but then I am British too so, yeah, it’s like being Superman on Krypton. Big deal. We all have the super powers so it’s hardly special, ya know? 😂😂

All while this is going on, Scully is there but unsure where her place is. Phoebe’s exclusion tactics clearly working their magic, because it seems Scully is starting to feel a bit insecure about where she fits into this new three-way dynamic. She’s no longer sure if her place is alongside Mulder, so she just loiters in the doorway.

The camera focuses on her a couple times and at first she’s just listening in. But then she seems to crane her head around to look at Mulder; possibly noticing that there’s something up with him?

Remember, this is happening before Mulder has told Scully he doesn’t want her on the case. So there’s something quite sad about this. Scully standing alone in the doorway, unsure of her place.

Sir Malcolm Marsden’s dog is named Jackson. Really, Chris? Really?

I think Chris Carter has a very short list of names that he must use again and again otherwise anything he writes will simply spontaneously combust.

Now this next scene is probably one of my favourites in the entire episode, because as insecure about her position in all of this Scully seems to be feeling, she isn’t one to be so easily pushed aside. So she appropriates the three pipe problem “private joke” from earlier, and completely hijacks it’s meaning to make it their private joke.

She is the Watson to his Sherlock, and Phoebe? Phoebe is Moriarty -- “mind game player extraordinaire” as Mulder describes her, a foe who likes to play at being a friend and who is decidedly the true outsider of this three-way dynamic.

Not to mention, Mulder truly is the Sherlock to her Watson too. He is the ideas man, the guy who is so completely in his own head that he sometimes fails to grasp the human element. I mean, how many times throughout the series do we see Mulder eff things up by not dealing with people very well, necessitating Scully to step in?

In fact, you don’t have to go very far to find the last instance of it. In the previous episode, Eve, Mulder has to be rescued by Scully when dealing with one of the murder twins parents. In many ways, Scully is his connection to the outside world. His human credential, as David Duchovny once so poetically put it. In the same way Watson is Sherlock’s.

So Mulder tells Scully she’s off the hook on this case because he believes Phoebe is playing a mind game with him, a practice of hers he seems acutely familiar with.

Scully concernedly eyeing up Mulder all episode is suddenly vindicated. He is clearly distressed and Scully switches tack. She goes from teasing to protective.

That worried look on her face, the way she leans forward, searchingly. She’s seeing how unnerved he is and she can tell he’s upset. She is truly his best friend in this moment. She doesn’t judge, doesn’t criticise -- she just hears him out.

Mulder has already confided that he “got in over his head” with Phoebe, and so now all past questions about whether Mulder truly trusts Scully seem to fall away here, because he’s now freely baring his soul to her. The flood gates are open.

Phoebe is fire. Wow. She terrifies him. But there is a double meaning here. Not only is she like fire in that she represents a painful memory that laid the way for emotional trauma, but she’s like fire in the way that draws a moth to its flame. Mulder being said moth.

She’s dangerous, but he’s attracted to that danger. Something about Phoebe pulls him in, almost against his will. He walks out of the office determined to face his demons, but ultimately ends up willingly ensnared in Phoebe’s web, yet again.

Unfortunately it seems Mulder is drawn to the leggy, brunette, femme fatale type. I mean, look at Diana. Perhaps this is why he doesn’t look at Scully that way for such a long time, she’s not the kind of woman he would ordinarily go for. Not in just looks, but in the element of danger. In the same way some women are attracted to the bad boys, perhaps Mulder is attracted to the bad girls. Women who emotionally mistreat him. It would certainly align with the idea that we seek out unresolved past traumas in intimate relationships, doomed to relive them. Perhaps Mulder has mommy issues. I know that’s certainly a popular fanon concept.

Ultimately what it comes down to is trust. Mulder’s trust in others was probably damaged considerably by Phoebe.

Think about the circumstances under which he met her. He’s left his home; left his country; gone to college as far away from his old life and miserable, divorced parents as he could get. He’s looking for a fresh start, a way to leave the past behind. Running all the way to England is one way to do it. There he meets Phoebe. This brilliant, beautiful woman who takes an interest in him -- wants him.

Desperate for comfort, for love, for understanding, he lets her in. I think he lets her in so completely that she knows everything -- his darkest childhood fears, his secrets. Probably knows all about his sister too. I think he gave everything to her and she lit the fire and watched him go up in smoke.

Phoebe is fire.

Scully, bless her, now feeling quite protective over puppy, seeing how vulnerable he is to Phoebe, offers to help on the case. But Mulder declines, believing he can handle it himself.

Yeah good plan, Fido. Let’s see how that goes.

I’m just sayin’.

Now there’s some strong suggestions made about what might have happened between Mulder and Phoebe when they were at Oxford.

Phoebe compliments Mulder on his interview technique, and how he managed to persuade the witness to cooperate after she had confessed to lying to her partner about where she was the night before.

To which he quips back...

So the suggestion being made here, is that she had one or two indiscretions of her own during their relationship. Namely, that she cheated on him. If we think of how this episode ultimately ends, it’s a pretty safe bet. The look on his face when he sees her in Lord Marsden’s arms is the look of a man who has been there before, and is not even surprised. Almost like he had been waiting for this all along.

So I think it’s fairly certain she cheated, probably several times. From the sounds of it he forgave her and took her back every time and was probably a push over about it. Firm but polite.

And you know what? I can absolutely see Mulder being like that. As mentioned before, Phoebe was probably the first woman he opened up to emotionally. So severing that bond would have been a huge loss, leaving him incredibly vulnerable to emotional abuse -- he would have forgiven her anything if it meant holding onto her.

My impression of Mulder is that through all his bravado he feels very deeply and so, when he does let people in, he can be very easily hurt.

His behaviour much later in I Want To Believe demonstrates that quite well. Mulder is clearly very hurt by Scully’s suggestion that she won’t come home if he continues working the case. He sees this as a rejection of the person he is -- “...this is everything I know, this is who I was before I met you...” etc etc.

Later when he goes to see Father Joe at the hospital Scully comes across him first, she grasps his hand but you can see he’s not comfortable with it -- he feels vulnerable around her, she’s essentially broken his heart and he’s doing his best to bury that and keep focused on the case. She hurt him and his walls are up. He takes his hand away again, and can barely even look at her.

When she can see he’s avoiding her, trying to run away, she calls out to him. Tells him that she does understand this stubborn, passionate, drive of his -- that it’s the reason she fell in love with him in the first place.

But he is still too hurt to be understanding. He’s defensive, and saying something he no doubt regrets later. He’s let her in, deeper and more completely than anyone has ever been, so for her to reject him this way isn’t just a disagreement he can work out later, it cuts him very deeply.

Bare in mind, this is in 2008. So you can imagine how much more fragile and vulnerable he was where love and women are concerned back in his Oxford days in the 80′s.

Anyway back to Phoebe…

Mulder’s sharp comment clearly strikes a nerve with her, and she chews him out for holding onto what happened 10 years ago. Mulder then infamously says...

So who wants to bet that he might have walked in on Phoebe with another guy?

Remember how Mulder later catches Phoebe with Sir Marsden? I suspect there’s a mirroring of the past in the present. You gotta feel for Mulder, though. It’d be difficult to let go of something you can never unsee with the passage of time to dull the memory.

Not to mention other memories that can’t be dulled; like that one time they fucked in a graveyard, apparently.. Oh good times, good times.

Soooo... Mulder fucked Phoebe on a tombstone? Yikes. That’s simultaneously creepy as fuck and so Mulder all at once.

Also, with a bit of Google-foo I discovered that there is no grave for Sir Arthur Conan Doyle in Windlesham. He was originally buried there in a rose garden, but was exhumed and re-interred in Hampshire in 1955 – as far as I can tell, there is nothing left at the original Windlesham grave site. 1955 is long before Mulder and Phoebe would have been there. So… yeah. Whoever’s tombstone they were fucking on, it wasn’t sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s.

Perhaps there’s a metaphor for their relationship in that. A complete lie? A huge error in judgement? That which appeared to be something it wasn’t? You could go on forever.

Dana, babe... you need to get a freakin’ light bulb up in that office. No wonder the two of you wear glasses -- that poor lighting is not doing your eyesight any favours.

Next we see that Scully -- despite Mulder’s insistence that she not get involved -- has decided to help him anyway.

There are two reasons for this. First, she’s feeling insecure, she’s been dismissed by Phoebe and, to a lesser extent, Mulder too. The two of them are still feeling each other out and defining the parameters of their working relationship, so I think there is a part of her that seeks some kind of approval from Mulder. She is determined to assert her worth. She’s worked with him long enough to know he can use her help; but I think a part of her wants to prove to Mulder that she can’t be so easily replaced as his partner.

The second reason is simply because she’s feeling protective over him after hearing about his history with Phoebe. She can see he’s vulnerable and it concerns her -- she’s never seen him like that before, and she’s quick to fly into protective mode when she feels he’s in harms way.

What I love is that Scully proves her worth with flying colours. Coming up with a stellar profile which pegs the guy perfectly.

Seriously, who is the profiler between these two? Seems the majority of the profiling we’ve seen thus far has come from Scully.

She has the presence of mind to check immigration records for British citizens with a connection to the Marsden’s or previous victims that have recently come into the United States.

She also correctly analyses which accelerant he is likely using.

As well as how he uses it.

Cough syrup?

Paint?

She does all this work without a sniff of help from Mulder or Phoebe. They’re too busy fawning over each other and planning a little fuck buddy interlude at a swanky hotel.

All the while Scully is getting the job done.

She is forever the MVP of the series. Seriously, Mulder and Phoebe would have been up fudge creek without a paddle if she wasn’t working the case.

The next scene with Mulder and Phoebe seems to lay the foundation for why Mulder finds himself being drawn back into Phoebe’s thrall.

He shares his theory with her that the arsonist has some kind of pyrokinetic ability and Phoebe agrees without batting an eyelid. Mulder laughs at her because he’s quite taken aback by this. He’s more used to Scully who would have challenged him -- grounded him -- and got him to think of how what he’s suggesting could be scientifically possible.

Without that challenge, Mulder doesn’t even consider how the killer is doing it beyond “he did it with his magic fire!” Thus missing the significance what Scully is investigating -- the accelerant.

Mulder has a bit of an issue with confirmation bias, so as soon as he gets even the slightest inkling of some kind of paranormal goings on, he will straight away gravitate towards avenues of investigation that prove his theory. People agreeing with him plays into his egomania – having this beautiful, “brilliant”, woman agreeing with him is gonna get his “juices flowing” too. But it also blindsides him -- this is a man that needs to be challenged.

While investigating apart on this case, they are coming at it from their own unique point of view, but both are missing a significant piece of the puzzle that they fill for each other. If Mulder hadn’t ditched Scully they would have arrived at the complete answer by now. That the killer cannot control fire, he does not have pyrokinesis necessarily, but he does have the unique ability to ignite fires if a powerful enough accelerant is present.

In Fire, Mulder hasn’t fully recognised it yet, but this is the unique and beautiful dynamic that makes them perfect partners. As he later says in season 11′s Nothing Lasts Forever -- they are reason and faith in harmony. It’s been their magic formula from the very beginning.

Unfortunately their harmony is being stifled. Mulder is distracted by Phoebe -- her agreement has flattered him, stroked his ego, and with that she goes in for the kill -- easily seducing him with an offer of spending the night together.

It’s bittersweet to go back and watch this episode now; seeing Mulder pass Scully over in hopes of bedding Phoebe, knowing what we know now; what Mulder will come to realise. That the woman who is perfect for him is the one that’s always right next to him.

Ah the folly of youth, eh?

Oh Mulder...

He’s such a pathetic puppy. The idea of getting laid gets him all giddy.

I think what you can take away from this, is how over the fucking moon he would have been in All Things when Scully comes to his bed. I mean, can you imagine? 😂😂

Theeeeen it’s awkward-conversation-with-Scully time. Mulder is clearly not focused on the case at this point, he is far more invested in getting his head away than catching this arsonist because Scully is there saying hey, I might know who this guy is, and he’s like, “yeeeeeeeah, that’s nice, but this is not a good time for me soooo...”

I mean, wtf Mulder! Sir Marsden’s family is at risk, he has a wife and children. People have been burnt to death by this guy and you’re all nah, sorry Scully I haven’t got time to solve the case, I am kinda busy right now trying to get laid.

Fuck. Me. What a douche nozzle.

Look at Scully’s face at the end of the phone conversation. She’s not liking this new side of Mulder at all. She keeps pushing against his obvious resistance because she believes he’s ditching her in favour of Phoebe. Her insecurity is more palpable here -- but this isn’t necessarily romantically driven. I think she’s feeling insecure as his partner; like she’s being replaced. Whereas Mulder just wants to fuck Phoebe; working with her is actually beside the point. Poor Scully.

Then it’s the scene you’ve all been dreading! Yep, it’s the dance/kiss scene.

So it starts with Mulder milling around the hotel lobby waiting for Phoebe to arrive, but she ignores him and walks straight by. Mulder was clearly thinking they will be spending the evening together as well as the evening together, if you catch my drift.

It suggests that Mulder was actually interested in rekindling their relationship -- he was planning on a romantic evening with Phoebe I mean, look at what he’s wearing. He’s “undercover” but he could have gone as a bodyguard to one of the other guests, or as a member of staff to give him more freedom to move around without raising suspicion. But no, he’s dressed to attend the party, not to stand guard dog outside of it.

He wanted to dress up for her. I don’t think he was just in it for a one night stand. He loved Phoebe once, and I think if she didn’t fuck him over later in this episode, he was in very real danger of falling in love with her again -- her betrayal pulled him back from that precipice.

Let’s not think about that too much.

He looks vaguely pathetic standing in the hallway, desperately waiting for Phoebe to throw him a bone.

Phoebe, of course, wouldn’t want Mulder and Sir Marsden in the same room together since she’s playing both of them. Yet, despite the fact she’s ditched him the entire evening, with just the tiniest scrap of attention, he’s eating out of her palm again.

She truly does have a power over him. For some reason he is enthralled by her, and it seems to be related not just to her beauty, but her intelligence, her “brilliance” as he called it.

But you know who else fits that criteria? Yeah, not even gonna say it.

Scully is genius-level brilliant. It’s a very rare occurrence when she’s not the smartest person in the room. She was perhaps less conventionally attractive for the 90′s. She has a 1950′s Lauren Bacall-esque screen goddess look to her, especially in seasons 1-3.

Which is my only explanation for why people fall all over themselves when Phoebe is on screen but seemingly fail to notice Scully at all. Oh that, and...

So back to this dagger-through-the-heart scene... Phoebe uses sex to lure Mulder in several times in the episode, and it happens again during this scene.

Scully arrives in time to see them start dancing and is more irritated, or fed up, than jealous. She’s arrived at entirely the wrong moment and now she has to wait.

This episode does then establish that Scully wasn’t in love with Mulder this early on. Attracted to him sure – but not so attached that she would be jealous of him with another woman. We know exactly what that looks like for Scully, and when that woman is jealous she is completely incapable of hiding it.

As much shit as they’ve been through together at this point, it has still only been a matter of months since they met.

Although I think she does experience a bit of a sting when she sees them kissing – rolling her eyes at him. This wasn’t what she came up here for.

She’s there to work, to focus on the-- wait.... WAIT. WAIT.

Is that butt groping I see, Mulder?!

It fucking is!

That horny, sex-starved, puppy is just gagging for it! GAGGING.

Fuck. Seriously, in All Things I think he must have all but attacked Scully.

ANYWAY.

Scully is there to work, to focus on the case, while Mulder... well...

Mulder is distracted by a handful of ass cheek and a tongue down his throat, it seems.

It might be crossing her mind that she had decided to forego her own love life to work with him on the X-FIles back in The Jersey Devil. She’d berated him for not having a life, and yet, here he is. A taste of her own medicine, perhaps? Let’s not forget, Mulder had a similar scene waiting for Scully as she went on a date, staring at the clock looking miserable.

I suspect she’s probably also wondering what the hell happened to trying to avoid getting ensnared in the flames of Phoebe Green??

Scully then stops dead in her tracks as she sees Creeper McCreeperson hiding in the foliage.

But she doesn’t get the chance to think about that for too long before she spots that there is a fire on the 14th floor. She rushes out to tell Mulder and Phoebe and then proceeds to raise the alarm in the rest of the building.

Dana Katherine Scully -- MVP.

Phoebe informs them both that the children are on the 14th floor, and so Mulder, being the action hero that he is, decides to go up there -- people need help and so he will save them, that’s his edict in life. No matter how difficult it is for him, he’s going to try because that’s what he tells himself he must do. In the psychotherapeutic sense, he is every bit a “rescuer”. A person who feels connection to others through saving them. It’s how he has learnt to relate to other people.

The rescuer identity usually emerges in childhood in reaction to a feeling of powerlessness. The child may have experienced their parents as emotionally unavailable, distant and unable to meet their emotional needs. With these needs being unmet, the child learns to experience love and connection vicariously through meeting the needs of others.

Think about it. Mulder lost his sister when he was supposed to be looking after her, and in his memory of these events he is powerless to stop her abduction -- no matter what he tries; grabbing a gun, screaming for help; nothing works. We know from the Pilot that his parents refused to talk about what happened to Samantha and as a result the family fell apart -- his parents divorced and the first chance he got, Mulder got as far away from them as he could; going to Oxford.

To compensate for this trauma; the unimaginable weight of guilt and powerlessness he felt to save Samantha, he saves anyone and everyone he can. This way he can sooth that voice in his head; the voice that tells him he is worthless, unlovable. From his 12 year old perspective, his parents withdrew their love when he failed to save Samantha, and so now his self-worth is tied up in a need save -- if he can save someone, he is worthy of love.

So regardless of how terrified he is, he goes head first into the fire to save those children.

He doesn’t want to do it, in his mind, he has no choice.

In a way, it makes me wonder if that’s why he took back Phoebe despite the fact she cheated on him. Perhaps he saw her flaws, saw her destructive behaviour and believed her could save her. Men and women often fall into the trap of believing they can change their partners through love. Perhaps Mulder believed if he loved Phoebe enough, she would change -- that effectively, he would save her?

Poor Mulder. He pushes himself to the point of passing out to save those kids, but fails. While everyone else, including Phoebe, is fawning over Creeper McCreeperson for ultimately being the one to save them...

...it’s Scully who searches for Mulder and immediately goes to him when she sees he needs her help. Regardless of where she falls on Mulder’s priority list, he’s always at the top of hers.

This whole hotel scene really tells you everything you need to know about how these two women feel about Mulder.

One casually discards him when it’s convenient, while the other will wait for him, and be there for him even when he doesn’t ask for it.

Even when he pushes her away.

The next scene emphasises this further, with Scully sitting at his bedside taking care of him. Handing him water as he chugs up his innards and the first thing out of his mouth is...

The script notes for this scene are well known now. Mulder apparently wakes to see Scully and muses on the fact this was not the woman he had anticipated ending up in bed with.

Chris Carter’s writing, everybody.

Thankfully Scully is sensitive enough to his shame and embarrassment that she doesn’t give him a hard time. In fact, she’s mothering him, using that soft, gentle, loving voice that she usually reserves for talking to children.

She’s trying to sooth him, knowing he is going to be hard on himself.

When she asks what happened, he is entirely honest with Scully. They have established a level of emotional intimacy in this episode that they’ve not touched on since Mulder’s emotional confession of his childhood bedtime ritual in Conduit.

This intimacy gives Mulder a feeling of safety that I suspect he hasn’t experienced in a long time. He can be wholly open with Scully, all his weaknesses and vulnerabilities laid bare for her. Represented physically by his walking around almost naked in front of her, wearing nothing but black silky boxers.

Oh Mulder, he really goes all out when he think’s he’s gonna get some. Which just makes me think all sorts of fun thoughts about Mulder and Scully’s season 7 sex life.

(Here ya go, @allyinthekeyofx these gifs are dedicated to you.) 😉

There’s a significant shift in Phoebe’s behaviour when she enters the room. First, she directly addresses Scully, and holds a whole conversation with her. Shocker! She dismisses a piece of vital information Scully gives her, of course, but she still has noticeably adjusted her approach to her. She doesn’t seem to be treating her as a threat anymore.

When Mulder comes back in and sees Phoebe, he suddenly becomes conscious of his body, of his exposure and vulnerability, so immediately covers himself.

The difference in the level of intimacy he feels safe sharing with these two women is clearly drawn by such a simple gesture.

It then becomes apparent why Phoebe is behaving differently, she is returning to England. Mulder is clearly disappointed to hear she’s leaving. Again, reinforcing the idea that perhaps he was hoping for more than a one night stand. Was he hoping she would stay in the US for him?

Phoebe’s dwindled interest in Mulder is palpable. She seems to have given up her romantic pursuit, no longer bothering to ostracise Scully. She politely, and it seems genuinely, bids her goodbye as she leaves.

Knowing full well what she’s just witnessed -- Mulder essentially being dumped -- Scully is ever protective. Looking out for him once again. It’s a shame you can’t hear gifs, because it’s all in that soft, gentle, tentative tone of voice she uses when she asks him...

Mulder is clearly deflated, but I love the next exchange between the two of them.

This is Scully’s chance to shine, to prove herself to him. She basically single-handedly solves the case and discovers who the arsonist is after Phoebe and Mulder spectacularly failed.

She’s clearly making a point to him in outlining the entirety of her investigation. She wants him to know exactly how much she has done. Mulder seems to be only vaguely interested.

That is until she gets to the climax of her little tale, and he flips into overdrive realising they now have what they need to find this guy.

Scully’s face as Mulder leaps into action is perfect. That smug smile of satisfaction.

Whose “brilliant” now, eh?

Mulder flies over to Cape Cod to warn Phoebe, only to find her wrapped in the arms of Sir Marsden. Oh hey, I made these gifs already!

Mulder’s face... It all makes sense to him now. This was all just another game. She played him, and she played him good.

But it seems Mulder has finally learnt his lesson. Fool me once, and all that.

Since it was clear Mulder hadn’t fully let go of his feelings for Phoebe in 10 years, I’d say this was a good thing for him. If she had gone home and he was left to pine over her, that would have been disastrous. So it worked out for the best, if a little painfully for Mulder.

It’s called tough love, bitch. Suck it up.

After this moment, Mulder’s entire demeanour with Phoebe changes – he’s put his barriers back up, and the detached Mulder tone comes out.

He’s looking at her like he can’t quite believe he almost fell for it again.

When Scully arrives later, she can tell straight away that Mulder is upset.

Again, Mulder… what you are looking for is right in front of you. He brushes it off, but she’s watching him intently. She’s so protective of him, it’s so sweet.

So they discover that the arsonist is not the driver, but is in fact the caretaker, and as we know, has painted up the house with argotypoline -- rocket fuel.

In a repeat of the hotel scenario, the children are up stairs in a building that starts going up in smoke.

Mulder valiantly but stupidly tries to put the fires out. Bath towel vs. rocket fuel, Mulder. Seriously?

Finally realising that whacking a rocket fuel fire with a towel is the stupidest thing he’s ever done whilst sober, Mulder orders everyone out of the room.

However, Mulder does find a moment to continue his hand’s love affair with Scully’s back. All in the midst of facing his darkest fear of fire – nice!

Now this is going off book a bit, but I get the sense that there was supposed to be some kind of scene where Scully is in danger in the fire and Mulder overcomes his fears to save her.

I say this because there is a cut line of dialogue from the original script where Scully says “don’t let it be said that you wouldn’t want through fire for a woman” and Mulder apparently replies “and don’t let it be said that I wouldn’t do it for you again, Scully.”

To whoever it was that decided to cut that. CC, I’m looking at you.

I mean, that’s pretty heavy handed stuff… perhaps they realised it was a bit too heavy handed for a show that was supposedly never going to put these two together romantically.

If it had been left in, it would have drawn a clear parallel between Phoebe and Scully. Still along the vein that the episode is already toying with throughout, but those lines of dialogue would have made it far more blatant. The comparison being that Phoebe is fire – she is a tormentor, a symbol of sexual desire and emotional pain for Mulder. As such, his relationship with her compounded his fear; she feeds them. Whereas Scully is a soothing, caring presence. A symbol of love and friendship, and emotional healing for Mulder. As such, his relationship with her helps him to overcome his fear.

The episode does still maintain certain aspects of this – once Mulder has severed his bond with Phoebe, and reunites with Scully, he does put himself between others and the blaze, trying to put it out. He also takes control of the situation and orders everyone out of the house. He’s no longer freezing at the sight of fire.

I really like that as they shuffle everyone out of the house, Mulder tells Scully to find a fire extinguisher but tells everyone else to get out. It’s him and Scully again – together as partners, she’s the one he trusts to have his back.

Mulder, Gawd bless him, summons up the courage to face his fear without needing to save Scully in the end, its having the chance to vindicate his earlier failure at saving the children that motivates him to push forward.

Bless this brave puppy.

Success!

But yeah, being pulled from a burning building twice in one night? Those kids are fucked. Traumatised for life.

So remember I said there was some interesting symbolism with the camera work in the opening of the episode. Well, now we’re at the end, the framing has flipped. Mulder and Scully are reunited as partners on the screen, and now, with Phoebe’s influence over Mulder dashed, she is framed as separate from the two -- the true outsider.

The final scene is very sweet, and symbolic of Mulder and Scully restoring their equilibrium as they return to the casual bantering we saw from them in the beginning of the episode, before Phoebe showed up.

Where we started was that Phoebe was the one in on the joke, now she’s the butt of it. Scully does have a fun side too.

I just gotta say, she looks especially beautiful in this scene, thankfully this was a good wardrobe day for her. Season 1 was very hit and miss.

Scully asks where Phoebe is, and Mulder, clearly more relaxed than we’ve seen him the entire episode, shrugs – he doesn’t know, and seemingly doesn’t care to.

Now if we were to get the romcom ending, Mulder would have noticed all the times Scully was there for him and would have thanked her, or at least recognised that he did need her help after all. Or maybe he’d tell her he’s thankful she didn’t listen to him when he told her not to help. But this is the X-Files, so... yeah who the hell do you think you’re kidding?

Phoebe also sends Mulder another tape, but he doesn’t need to hear it. He’s free of her thrall now, and so there’s nothing she could say that would be meaningful to him anymore.

Would have been a nice touch to see him drop the tape in the trash, but I think we get the idea. It took 10 long years, but Fox Mulder is finally over Phoebe Green.

Next up… My favourite episode of season 1. 1x13 - Beyond the Sea.

#thexfiles #x files #txf meta #txf analysis #MSR #x files msr analysis series #xf gifs #xf screencaps #fox mulder #dana scully #chris carter #david duchovny #gillian anderson #phoebe green #txf 1x12 #fire

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orribuontheinternet · 6 years

Text

Depression and Drawing.

When I was a young lass (I want to say around 7-8 years old), I saw my biological father drawing something while he sat on the porch. The details are fuzzy, but I do remember it being an equine of some sort. He was working in ink. Watching him was so fascinating that I decided that I too wanted to be an artist. To be able to imagine something and put it to paper was a foreign concept to me, one that I was excited about. Oddly enough, my first ever drawing was of an intangible concept: an emotion. I forgot why little me was so knee-deep in sadness at the time, but I remember doodling a self-portrait of a sad, crying baby Olive while holding back my tears. Underneath (or around, I can't recall) was a caption that kind of stated the obvious: "Olivia is sad." When I think about that moment, I wonder if that was a form of foreshadowing since I suffer from...well, Major Depression. But we'll get back to that later. I think this drawing was spawned from a conflict with my siblings, but I can't rightly recall. I do, however, remember that someone tore the picture to pieces. Then came the waterworks.

I want to pause for a second and let you know that I'm going to try not to throw a pity party. I'm not going to whine and stuff this note with melodramatic hyperbole. If you can stomach an emotional artist digging deep into her head and making her introspection tangible, I encourage you to keep reading. If not, I respect your decision to stop.

To segue on to a brighter note, I started drawing in elementary school. I remember the exhilarating feeling of finishing my work. My proudest moment, aside from a (not) Sonic-themed powerpoint, was a storybook I made in fifth grade. It was a flip book of some sort, and very colorful. I think it had something to do with James and the Giant Peach considering it was a book report. But that was an impression I left. Olive, the artist. This carried on into middle school, where I first discovered anime thanks to an art teacher who had the magic VCR/TV cart we 90s kids remember fondly. He showed us Princess Mononoke, one of Hayao Miyazaki's well-renowned works. It was um...horrifying. The film scared the everloving shit out of me, but I was intrigued by it. There was something really cool about the way the people looked, far different from the Ms. Frizzles and Rugrats I came to know. It captivated me, and when I got over the stomach-churning blood and guts the movie presented, I strove to attain that cool aesthetic. I was always doodling during my classes and lunchtime and recess. People came to know me as that kid that draws. Some of them flocked to me and asked me to doodle something for them. It was annoying in hindsight, but at the time it brought me immense pride. People were interested in something I was doing! This development boosted my motivation; I drew picture after picture, happily sharing it with anyone who was interested. It was invigorating! Then high school happened, and I realized I wasn't as amazing as I initially thought I was. In 2006 I was accepted into the prestigious Philadelphia Highschool of Creative and Performing Arts (henceforth shortened to "CAPA," as to avoid the apparent mouthful of syllables). I attended with a major in visual arts, which I took alongside my core classes, i.e., math, science, and English. The first few months were humbling, to say the least. I took ceramics, graphic art, and observational drawing. During this year, I also discovered the magic (to a 15-year-old anyway) of Naruto. That was my biggest obsession since the Dragonball Z/Rurouni Kenshin/Outlaw Star/Big O/etcetera days. Where I used to make "Dark Sonic" characters and the like, I made a step towards creating a world of my own. Thus, after a painful defeat in an original character tournament, I decided it was time to start harnessing my writing and narrative skills, as well as my drawing skills. And so I strove to improve, even with those dents in my pride. It became something I was proud of, almost an obsession. I wanted to share it with the rest of the world, so I went for it.

(The first piece I’ve shared with the internet via deviantART.)

This is where my real artistic journey began. When I started, I had no idea of how mentally, physically, and emotionally tolling this would be. Half the time I've made things way more difficult than they've needed to be: sleepless nights, crouching over a desk, risky investments that granted little to no return and thus resulted in me digging myself into a deeper hole of debt, periods of psychological agony–I've experienced a great deal since I started creating these...things. In my naivety, I envisioned making money off of my creativity, having fun, meeting fans around the world, and hitting up cons like those really cool people I follow on the internet. I started comparing myself to more celebrated, experienced artists, to the point where I'd cry out of eye and earshot and wonder why I can't be as good as them. Why can't I be as skilled, or successful, I'd ask myself. This is when I should have realized that the Depression I suffer from has a voice. It'd tell me that I'd never amount to anything, let alone reach that level of expertise and fame. It was painfully merciless and cruel, and I was its punching bag. I'd start wondering what the point was and why I should even try to engage in this creative expression. Then, something tragic happened:

I realized I was falling out of love with it.

I didn't feel the same exhilaration I'd get when I finished something as simple as a little scribble. I didn't feel the warm burst of energy that I felt when I'd make a breakthrough. I desperately scrambled for something–anything–that would rekindle my love for creating again. Then, after some introspection, I decided that I wanted to try for animation. It had always fascinated me during my time in grade school, so I did some research and even wrote a thesis about animation and why it inspired me. To an extent, the passion I have for the arts did come back a little, but it was just a spark. When I started college, I was reluctantly proud of myself. I started dreaming big again, thinking about how amazing it would be if I could create my own animated series and bring my narratives to life. And so, the dreams of being able to support myself and my family returned to the forefront of my mind, again. While I hopped and skipped through my first year at uni, I built a lot of friendships I never thought I'd have after a painful summer season. I thought back to how I tried and failed to start an art team and decided to go for it again. And thus, after planning gatherings and messing around with my friends, Exploding Fairies was born!

(Old Exploding Fairies logo.)

The Depression and my wounded confidence, however, wouldn't allow for anything to go past casual hangouts and being a nuisance to my teammates. Everything boiled down to three things:

1) I was unwilling to relinquish control of any of the facets of the alliance and our stories. To me, the story we worked on was my baby, and only I would have a say in whatever developments occurred. 2) I lacked the leadership and communication skills to collaborate with my partners effectively. 3) Considering the nature of my requests, I SHOULD have been paying my partners as an incentive. I lacked the money to compensate them for their time and talent adequately. I could very well be painting myself in a horrible light considering how terribly influential my depression is to my self-esteem.

(The image above is by @cucoo.)

(Concept drawings of Dan’s actual identity.)

However, exposure and companionship don't necessarily pay the bills. Besides, I was still a "nobody on the internet!" I may as well have kicked sand in their faces. At least, that's what the disease told me. I grew bitter towards the world when Homestuck and a traumatizing anime gained the admiration of my friends. I became green with envy, wondering why my work didn't win such affection. That summer, I went into overdrive. I started an original character tournament of my own and gained a considerable following. I even found love again!

After a busy three months, I jumped into my second year of college. This is when I finally collapsed under the weight of my mental ailments. Week after week, I stressed almost hyperbolically to the point where a single mistake could mean the end of the world to me. I officially started as an animation student (the first year was mostly core studies with elective and liberal arts on the side), and I wanted to bring my A-game to the forefront. I was going to wow everyone with my knowledge of technology while I navigated through the hills and valleys of my second year. I got to take a course in digital 2D animation, the media I've had my eyes on since I started my college career. Everything just hinged on whether I could manage my workload (I took 18 credits). Apart from the building stress, financial troubles, and impaired health, everything seemed fine. That notion, however, was shattered when I lost my progress on a 2D animation assignment. It was all over. All of that hard work that I put in (without saving, no less) was destroyed by a corrupted file. I didn't have a backup file ready for such an occasion. Admittedly, it was my fault for letting my guard down. I should have known better as a geeky artist! To me, there was no way I could ever recover from that. I was an idiot and a crappy artist anyway! I was a failure! I was nothing! All of the horrible thoughts that my sickness cataloged was thrust into my conscious mind, impairing my ability to reason. Devastated and afraid, I called my crush and opened up about what happened. The pressure finally cracked me, and she had to talk me down from attempting suicide.

The turn of events affected everything, from my focus to my ability to complete my assignments. My crush advised me on what steps I should take while moving forward. I was hospitalized to prevent any harm I could bring to myself. I really DID want to escape from the unbearable pain my sick mind caused me. Eventually, I had to contact the dean of students and was referred to an affiliated therapist. After conversing with him and the dean, we all decided that it'd be best if I were committed to an outpatient program to start on the road to recovery. Fast forward to 2012 or 2013, when I completely lost faith in myself as an artist, and thus, my love for art. I didn't think it'd happen, but I hit what I conceived as rock bottom. I swore off drawing. It didn't bring me joy anymore, and why continue dabbling in something that I'd never be good at?

Unfortunately, the resulting slump turned out to be thicker than I'd imagine and I entered a state of deep depression. I rarely got out of bed, I overate and sometimes didn't eat at all, I never picked up a pencil or opened photoshop, never reached out to the people who I knew and who loved me...I was virtually dead to the world. Some good things happened that, in hindsight, I should have cherished. For starters, my crush became my girlfriend, and we lived together in an apartment in Center City. I was too smothered in the fog to show my appreciation and love for her adequately. She loved me and loved my work, which in turn brought back my passion for creating. If I couldn't financially support myself with my art, the least I could do is bring her joy and feed her imagination.

(We both love semi-horror and anime, so our roleplays took that direction.)

Sadly, thanks to the disease even something as precious as her happiness wasn't enough. When I look back, I can see the hurt in her eyes, but during the time I had such horrible tunnel vision and was so disappointed about things not working out with my art that I couldn't sense that. Me, a self-proclaimed empath! My desperate greed and envy were my downfall, and I limped my way down the artsy-fartsy road. I'd draw fan art and create fan comics, only to become bitter about either the lack of replies or patrons on Patreon or the perceived disregard for any personal ventures I took.

I did my first convention at Anime Impulse back in 2015, and after a pretty bad time in the artist alley, I swore off drawing again. I remember nights of staring blankly at the computer screen, smashing Command or Control +Z and ultimately throwing my stylus down, closing photoshop, and crying out of frustration. I remember pulling my hair and sobbing when I faced rejection. It was an incredibly painful time for me. That's not to say I still don't experience that now as I totally do, but something happened this year that strengthened my stride.

I posted something on Tumblr earlier this year about my frustration when it comes to creating art. It was specifically about how I get stuck in the "polishing" phase of building a webcomic page, but when I look back, I can actually attribute it to art in general. I became a "perfectionist." Nothing was impressive enough to finish or release, and I'd wind up with more works in progress than finished ones. My morale just kept dipping lower and lower, and finally, when picking up a webcomic project that I started more than a year ago, I vented my frustrations. To this, my crush, who became my fiancé some four years ago, replied with this:

"You polish because you’re not confident with your work because you're in an evolution phase. Fear holds you back. So you go back and edit. And edit. And edit. So stop the cycle. Kill the fear by not letting it have time to take hold."

Her words of encouragement and insight changed my perspective in ways I've never expected. It was almost like it triggered an epiphany or a breakthrough in my mind! I was reminded of her love and faith in me! With that came a ray of hope, that I could try again, and this time, throw my fear-induced caution to the wind! While my depression still has a voice and beats me down from time to time, I realize that it's just scared. I realized that when Brittany and I sat down and played through Celeste together. I related it to my sadness and anxiety surrounding art, and now I'm slowly getting back on my feet. I can't displace the blame and "use" my mental ailments as a scapegoat. I can't come up with excuses to give up on what I do. There is SOMETHING in creating visual media that breathes life into me.

(I started learning to let go.)

Looking towards the future, I hope I can look back on even these trying times and remind myself of where I was and how stronger I've become because of it. I'm still struggling with comparing myself to others and crashing into creative and motivational blocks, but someday I'll rise above it all. Besides, I should be doing it for me, right? The external validation should just be the topping on a sweet sundae.

That's why I keep drawing, in spite of the voice's apprehension. We're going to get through this together, I promise.

#personal #tw: sucide mention #art #mental health #depression

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