ngl im ditching my overdone spiderwing wof fantribe. Im gonna make a tribe thats culturally centered around literature and is named after like fonts and types of paper and writing things like. How awesome would it be to have an oc named Helvatica
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I've been thinking about how Vash always seems to be hungry. Or at least, that he's shown eating quite often in the manga. Happily having his salmon sandwiches. Eating an entire box of donuts in the side car. Knowing the conversion rate of bullets to pizza. Seeing a flower and immediately wondering if it's edible. Pondering his life over breakfast. It's a really cute little character detail about him - he likes food.
But then I kind of started to think about the angel arm and its specific brand of destruction. How there were no bodies to be recovered. Nothing but a crater left of July, left on the Fifth Moon. It's all been incinerated. Devoured, even. Tristamp takes it even a step further and makes the power something akin to a black hole - a yawning drain; a constant destructive hunger.
Vash is clearly terrified of this potential for destruction, and for very good reason. But it's not separate from him as some kind of "power he can't control" - it's his arm. It's literally his arm. It is him. Vash is scared of himself, scared of losing control. He does what he can to repress it, even subconsciously (the gaps in his memory whenever it activates). He can't control it in the moment, so he takes steps to preemptively push it down, to avoid the use of his abilities entirely, to hide himself away.
I talked a bit in a previous post about how there are probably several interrelated reasons for Vash's chronically avoidant behaviour, but I'd like to throw one more into the ring and suggest that it's not just a matter of not deserving to want things, but maybe also that he's afraid of wanting. That if he allows himself to even think about what he wants personally that he'll want too much, take too much, and that the only cure in his mind for this is to give and give repeatedly.
I wonder how starved he is for love. Vash loves hard, after all. Once he loves (and I’m not talking about the broad, distant love/compassion he has in general), for better or worse, he carries them around with him forever, long after they've passed. Does he feel like it'd be selfish to admit this kind of want? His love isn't really a passive thing after all - it's the drive at his very core; a mournful inferno he is just barely suppressing. Does he remember how to love in a way that doesn't consume him entirely?
Is that part of the reason he checks out at signs of intimacy? Diverts gifts towards others? Tends to accept kind gestures only when under an assumed name? Intentionally starves himself in Tristamp? Runs and runs and runs? Is he afraid he won't be able to stop hungering? That allowing himself to want means his want will become insatiable?
I just have to wonder how much of his avoidance of connection is being scared that he will cause more destruction (to them? or to him?) by trying to take far too much into his hands than he ever caused by turning his back and running.
...of course I may just be entirely deranged here sorry.
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ok, putting my thoughts in order
I get the why. youtube sucks and each year that passes, it sucks more. they have a company and employees, and they've said before that watcher wasn't actually making a profit. it is way too harsh to say they're too greedy or "just like buzzfeed" or other stuff I've seen thrown around. they deserve to get money for their work, we are not entitled to free content, etc! I agree with all that.
the thing is though... I don't see how this could feasibly work? like, putting aside how most people are fed up with the sheer amount of streaming platforms popping up lately, the way I see it, their content does not have enough variety to warrant a paid subscription. and if it were to become varied enough, it would probably need a bigger cast and shows run by different people. and the problem with that is that we can't deny that the main appeal of watcher is how much people care about shane and ryan and (it pains me to say this, you all know he's my favorite but, to a lesser extent) steven. a ton of us are here because we wanted to keep watching them. for the people, not the shows, essentially. that is very clear when you look at the views of their shows.
idk, what I mean to say is, I don't see how they could have a catalog of content that justifies paying a monthly subscription if you're not a very avid fan willing to support them just because they're them, and even then those avid fans might end up dissatisfied because either a) a lot of the content will not include the people they want to see or b) the content will not be frequent enough. maybe I'm wrong and there is a third option here but, let's be real, there's gotta be a limit to how many different shows they can put shane and ryan in to have a varied catalogue and frequent upload schedule. and if it's not them in those shows, we bump into problem a.
I know the topic of whether or not $5.99 is a lot of money also became a reason for fights around here. this is what I have to say, as an international fan: depending on what country you're from, it's the sort of expense you just can't justify. like, the sort of money you shouldn't even spend on netflix with its very extensive selection of content. the sort of money you could use to pay a whole bill, buy groceries for a week, a month even! as it stands, here in brazil, for now, it's not really feasible. R$312 a year is a ton of money for me and I can't even say I'm struggling financially.
still on this topic, it is really hard not to take this "affordable to anyone and everyone" thing to heart being someone outside of the US, because it is the sort of thing that happens again and again, this sort of americentrism the internet at large seems to be stuck in. when they outright say they view this price as affordable to everyone it's very clear they have not taken international fans into consideration or they just don't really care. if they hadn't said that with so much certainty, maybe I'd feel a little less hurt. and you know, whatever, it's my feelings vs the needs of a company, and companies are not your friends but! ever since the beginning, the relationship between us and them has been very parasocial. lol it's like a good friend of mine said something that hurt my feelings. although maybe that's my own fault for placing them in that role in my head in the first place.
anyway, idk if this makes sense, the goal here isn't even to pick a side or tell anyone they're wrong... as with most things this is just too complicated for that. what I can say is that the way they went about this could have been a lot better. and for now what I am feeling is that this is eventually going to crash and burn but well, I just really hope I'm wrong. they deserve good things.
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Imagine you get isekaied in Our Life. Only thing is that you wake up as a child and remember everything. You can only save at this point but you can still access the save and load menu and see your previous runs.
Meanwhile your precious neighbor is slowly becoming self aware, getting deja vu with every passing second- as if this has all happened before...
I NEED SOMEONE TO EXPAND ON THIS IDEA PLEASE-
@ourlifestan @dragora7747 @rainesrants @sugar-omi
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Not me getting social anxiety / panic about how I'm going to interact and handle my feels when Loki season 2 drops bc what is tumblr anymore, even.
Um, anyway, reblog this post if you're in the Loki fandom, plan on watching season 2, and are down to discuss / possibly deep dive into the material, in a way that is non-toxic to one's overall fandom experience.
To be completely upfront/transparent: Non-toxic doesn't necessarily mean positive. I'm sure I will have my own criticisms I'll want to talk about, and I have no problem with - nay, I enjoy, even - discussing both what I loved as well as what I wish had been ripped from the script draft, tossed into a wastebasket in the writers' room, and then set on fire.
In other words, all opinions are welcome, as are (civil) disagreements, but I'm not here for either anti-level hate or toxic "this is the best and if you don't agree you're an anti" positivity. I like my meta in the middle, very gray, and perfectly balanced, as all things should be.
(I hate myself so much for quoting Thanos, but it's become a bit of a meme in other spaces and it lives in my brain now.)
So yeah ... anyway reblog/follow me if you want to, or whatever. No pressure.
Not really, but yknow.
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having a cat is so cool, because i pretty much have a built in best friend. we do everything in proximity to each other. i'm never lonely because he's attached to me at the ankle. i'm on a couch, he's in my lap. i'm in bed, he's curled up to my chest. i'm sitting at a desk or table, he's laying in a chair next to me. when i'm crocheting he's trying to eat my wool. when i'm drawing he's trying to bite my pencils. he wakes up with me, and falls asleep with me. he meows me goodbye when i leave in the morning, and sprints to the front door when i come home. he's actually the coolest little guy ever
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