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pixelchills · 28 days

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Chill's ramblings about the DCA fandom and personal feelings and issues towards TSAMS (both positive an negative):

(I'm writing this like an essay but treating it like a diary, so if I jump from subject to another, it is because I am just typing as the thoughts hit my head. Sorry for being so wordy.)

I simply feel like I need to write my thoughts down, so why not share them with you. Maybe you can validate my feelings or something, I don't know.

Intro:

So, oof, I got a fic rec from @thedenofravenpuff and I'm loving it so much I really wanna draw fan art for it...

But the problem is that it's a TSAMS fanfic and I've sworn to my name I'll never draw anything related to the show because that will make me engage with a part of the fandom I'm not comfortable with.

My biggest issue with TSAMS:

I have such complicated feelings towards the show and its fanbase and I do not wish to make my life and work more difficult because of it as it already is.

My own work and characters are already constantly being compared to TSAMS. When I first introduced Solar to my fic, he was constantly being referred to Eclipse from TSAMS. Now that the show had a character with THE SAME NAME, it has been even worse.

Dolldrop Moon has been compared to Lunar. Even though the dolldrops existed before the youtube channel was even created (and Lunar made his debut much later).

The biggest issue I've had has always been the fanbase, that takes the show as the canon for Sun and Moon from FNAF and uses it as an excuse to harass shippers like me because they think Sun and Moon are brothers.

I've first handedly seen the damage the fanbase has done to some of my friends who draw, or have previously drawn art for the show besides their own AUs and personal headcanons of Sun and Moon as lovers. I'm sorry to tag you, but @kriimhild and @fablekitty : I've seen how the immature side of the show's fans have treated you, I am so terribly sorry you've had to defend yourselves over and over again for things that were not meant to be mixed up.

I have posted some ideas of a possible Animutant Moon and Sun forming a polyamorous relationship with Solar in the future of "My Dear Daffodil" on my personal/adult Twitter account. Someone kept commenting on my posts that I was glorifying incest, because Sun and Moon were brothers and Solar was their cousin.

The post had "Animutant" in it. Not "TSAMS". These comments came from a person saying they were 19 in their profile. So it's not just kids who can't tell not every fanwork is about TSAMS. It's starting to be some adults too.

Vice versa I've had another person comment on my very clearly SFW Twitter how they're following me because I am an adult artist who draws TSAMS incest. I have never drawn TSAMS art. I ship Sun and Moon, but they're never related with family bond, because I love presenting them as lovers.

Why I ship Sun and Moon:

Because I am a hopeless romantic. I love romantic love. Every single story I write is always about love.

The only exception to this is the Poppy Playtime comic I am doing. But even then, I was originally planning for a romantic love between Dogday and the Player. Yet, I decided to leave it, and keep the relationship open for any type of representation the reader themselves will prefer.

I used to watch The Sun and Moon Show when it first started airing. I loved their playthroughs. I had a big distaste for them calling each other brothers, as well as some of the first "lore" videos they had. My biggest issue at the time was how Moon treated Sun, though. As someone who grew up with an abusive sibling, it sometimes just hit a bit too hard at home.

But it got better after Eclipse and Lunar appeared. Moon was more caring, and I started to really like his character development. There was one episode where Sun explained to Lunar that he and Moon had simply just "decided" to be brothers, despite not having a canonical relationship.

This actually made me really happy. Because the Old Moon was aroace, the love he felt was simply never meant to be romantic, but platonic. And by making Sun his brother by choice clearly indicated that Sun was always the one he loved the most - in a way that was suitable for aromantic person like him.

And it really made me enjoy the show for a while. Sun is my favourite character, and despite not always liking the way the show presents him, I always feel so much love for him, no matter the AU he is in. So I loved that Moon loved him more than anything, even if it was just platonic. Because I've always been under the impression that the canon Moon loves Sun, and is only under a virus to protect him. For me, the best part of any Sun and Moon AU is to know that Sun is the most important thing to Moon.

Why I stopped watching TSAMS:

And then that Moon I had really started to like, who loved Sun more than anyone else but just platonically, died.

It hurt so much I simply stopped watching the show. I've watched a few episodes here and there after that, but I am having a hard time liking the show the same as I did before.

Partially it's because of the fanbase. Partially it's because I don't find the lore very interesting and some of the stuff a bit repetitive. Partially it's because I am scared to see Sun eventually crumble up into madness, because he has been through so much.

I like the New Moon. He is funny and nice, what I've seen. His relationship with Solar has been interesting, and I genuinely hoped they would've been able to take the romantic route after Moon said he wasn't sure if he was aroace anymore. But as I said, I've only watched a few episodes after the old Moon died, so I don't know either of their characters that much to form any strong opinions about them. I just listen to the Monty and Puppet podcast once in a while and get a little inside to some of the lore that has been happening.

But hey, at least there's fanfics. Which is why I am rambling here today.

Fanfics:

It is a rare treat to find Sun x Moon fanfics that aren't simply just porn, or do not include reader inserts. So since my romance-filled brain needed something to fill the void, I've started reading some TSAMS fics with romance (that wasn't between Sun & Moon) and plot in them.

I know Solar was settled to be a "cousin" to the weird family tree of TSAMS. But I simply crave for Solar and New Moon to be at least queerplatonic. Solar is not from their dimension, no matter how much they decide they're 'cousins' it doesn't make him their real cousin or relative because they're not from the same world.

Sun and Moon are brothers but they technically gave birth to Eclipse, who then created Lunar so Eclipse is technically Lunar's parent and then brother and Lunar is Sun and Moon's brother and... do you see what I'm trying to say?

The family tree is so complicated that I don't think I'm a horrible person for shipping Moon and Solar and reading fics about them. Tell me if I am wrong though.

The FIC that is making me question everything:

So Puffy recommended this fic by @theinfamousdoctorf , "Eclipse Meets His Match".

I'm currently on chapter 40, and I am genuinely surprised how much I am liking this fic so far. It got everything; redemption and character growth, the representation of Sun as the good, glowing angel he is in my mind (for canon, and every AU. He is always perfect in my eyes I love him can you tell lol), slow-burn romance, drama, excitment, plot, jokes and funny moments... even if there are a lot of mentions of sex and sexual pleasure, it doesn't feel out of the place as there is so much more to it too.

Eclipse's redemption to become better and realising he is in love with Sun has been so interesting to follow. Sun deserves the love. I love when Sun is getting loved. I literally ship him with every other animatronic in the games and love it when people ship him with their self-inserts and OCs. Because I love him so much I want him to be loved in every possible universe he is in.

Even bigger bonus to this fic is the second pairing, Solar and Moon, which I already opened up about above. I don't know how much the fic is truthful to the canon lore of the show, but I wish to pretend this fic is the canon now /hj.

I love the characters and how they're written. I love the descriptions of their flaws and hopes and dreams. How vulnerable they can get. How closely they stick together. And as an appreciation for making me tearful and excited about fanfiction in such a long time, I would hope to be able to gift the author some fan art for their fic.

But I've sworn to not draw anything for the show. For my own good. I've got too many awful comments already from the fans of the show despite never doing any art for it. I am just scared it will turn things worse.

End words:

I don't know if creating a new alias would be the right choice. So my main name/account would be spared from the confusion that the show's fans seem to stirr into, where one tsams artwork turns all of the artist' work into tsams.

I don't care if the art style would be recognisible. The artist would be me, but not PixelChills. Just so I could gift something to the author of this fic that is currently saving me from the boredom of being unable to write my own.

Thank you.

(This text has been typed on my phone, so pardon for any typos).

-Chill

#pixel talks #rambles #tsams #fic rec #essay #sorry my head is simply just confused

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aerkame · 9 months

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I will no longer write for other AUs for Welcome Home (please read in full)

TW: Mentions of NSFW/pedos

I know some people only followed me because of a fic or two I might have started writing on for another Welcome Home AU, but recently I have started to notice the increasing toxicity of the fandom overall. Yeah, I've been other fandoms I know there is toxicity and I know there's a lot of nice people in this fandom, but I have NEVER seen it this bad. Out of all the fandoms/fanbases that I have been in, I have never seen such a huge problem regarding pedos, NSFW art/writing being shared and looked at by minors despite the creator's wishes, general toxic behavior, and a large amount of mentally unwell people working their way into groups of children or safe spaces. I ended up having to delete quite a few NSFW art pieces on twitter because I found minors had seen it and some guy decided to make a comment on my OC Lilith that I was not comfortable with.

I also do not feel alright having to restrict myself on what I write or draw because a single person might be "triggered" or "offended" by it. I know I put warnings when they are needed, I should not have to feel like I'm walking on eggshells in this fandom. I do not need anonymous asks telling me how I should and shouldn't write or what I can and can't say.

Because of how bad it's been and seeing more and more creators leave the fandom, I have decided to no longer engage in other AUs or creators unless it's from a follower (I know you guys are fine), friend, or person I know I've talked with before, OR if it's Clown himself. A lot of people forget that Welcome Home isn't what people keep writing it as. Welcome Home isn't even close to being done, we're just riding off the AUs right now. It really rubs me the wrong way that all I ever see on AO3 now with fanfictions are smut fics mainly and some pretty disturbing stuff.

There is so much, too much, s3xualization in this fandom and the romanticizing of serious and dangerous themes/topics. A lot of times believe or not, when I draw buff characters with no shirts, it really is just anatomy practice. I do not understand some of the comments I get sometimes in my inbox. Yes it's fine to tease a bit, but my goodness some of the comments I have seen before are concerning. I never intend on s3xualizing the characters and yet I always get anon asks going a bit out there with s3xualized comments. It's why I haven't really drawn that stuff in a while. I can't tell if people really do s3xualize that stuff or if they're seeing it as anatomy practice with a bit of tease like I do.

I have been bottling A LOT of things up recently and it's hindered my ability to really write or draw how I want. I'm always scrapping ideas and giving up halfway through.

It's always "Is this something that people are going to s3xualize?" "Is this something that might offend someone in x category?' "Will people like this new character?" "Am I good enough for this topic?". It's not healthy and I know that it affects my creativity and mentality, I won't be restricting myself anymore though. I will write/draw what I want, just please heed my warnings when I put them there and don't ignore my boundaries or the boundaries of others.

Now, regarding my own two AUs (I dropped the Dream one because I have something special planned for TFP), The Finfolk AU and Alive AU. I WILL continue writing/drawing for them. They are my own AUs with my own characters added in them. A lot of people that interact with me are followers and I know you guys would never disrespect my OCs or invade boundaries and I love you so much for that. Of course my rule on requests remain the same. NO NSFW for the normal Welcome Home, but NSFW is allowed for Finfolk AU requests.

Unfortunately, all of this does mean I will not continue the fic I was writing for @clownsuu Mob AU. I'm sorry, I just really do not feel like writing for an AU outside of what I know in terms of the person who makes it. I am not sure how to explain it other than I don't feel alright with it unless it's like an AU from someone I know or at least talked to before? Just at least a person I know on some personal level. I don't want to explore the fandom right now, it is a mess with the people in it...do not take this the wrong way, I DO NOT hate anyone outside of the people I know, I just don't feel comfortable in the fandom at the moment and I will not leave you guys behind either. So in short, I plan to just stay in my own lane so to speak and do what I can for the ones who follow me for what I do.

I will however finish the Villain fanfiction as it's not exactly anyone's AU? Not sure how to explain that, it was a series of asks for it. And obviously I will make a full long fanfictions for the Alive and Finfolk AU.

I know I said I don't want to vent on here, but it's getting hard for me to ignore. Everytime I type or pick up a pencil to make something on here it doesn't feel right.

#welcome home #welcome home au #welcome home finfolk au #finfolk #welcome home arg #psa #tw

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lackablazeical · 1 year

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Hello!

A. Why does Cuddle's teeth get bigger every time I see her

B. Her eyes also are getting bigger I think

C. Will we ever get a cuddles and raph fusion and the other duo? I think it would be fun for cuddles and raph's fusion to be a complete plush toy body with plush spikes yet the scars are like hard and burnt fabric that has similar texture to Raph's skin, like how some plushes have pure hard thread for details like noses and small scars!

D. I understand your stance on proship is a full no, and I respect that 100%, proshippers can die in a pit. But I'm curious, why do you depict minors in such abusive relationships? I mean, I understand that this is your au and creative liberties know no bounds however concept wise I am fascinated! These are late teens, 15 - 17 last I saw on the ref sheets, yet they are put into extremely gorey and torturous situations and abusive to others, including family. My question is what inspired you to make such a dark ass au? The concept and designs are beautiful, but what inspired you to make it go so dark for minor aged characters? Logically speaking I don't think I could ever see these characters behave this way before seeing your au, and I don't mean to sound rude at all! I do adore your au and characters and writing style, I'm just so curious how you decided to put these young characters in such terrible life positions. It's similar to the torture extent of Like Father Like Son, putting child/teenaged characters into situations that you would see in someone's deepest fears or in a rated R film. Why did you choose to do that? And again, I'm genuinely asking, because even as a horror fanatic, I can't see anyone putting characters to such harmful extremes. /genq

Hi!

A/B: I am inconsistent and don't put effort into drawing her cus I Do Not Like Drawing Her 💃💃💃💃 (I have a design for her the works that I like a lot more that hopefully WILL be more consistent lol, I am so sorry to any miss cuddles enjoyers)

C. Yes!!!! There are gonna be Donnida and Rizu (Raph+Chizu) fusions, then after that I was hopefully planning to do some other combos!!! But omg YES that would be so cute IWHIWJF Raph with little button eyes, ill take 10 please

D. Yes, absolutely completely against proship, I fucking hate proshippers, they all need to choke on forks, yes.

As for your actual question, a few different reasons.

One, I just. Didn't really care to change their ages very much from actual canon. I'm a minor as well (16) so I tend to have characters that are around my age LOL. It's just never crossed my mind that. The minor characters being involved in dark things would like. Add to the horror, I guess? Maybe cus I'm one of said minors IAHWIEBF I have no idea.

Two, I just. Like dark topics LOL. Always have. My interests involve bondage, taxidermy, body horror, etc etc. I just put a lot of that into my work, I love drawing gore and making art w/ dark themes (even bigger bonus if it means I also get to contrast it w/ bright visuals) addams family as a concept is honestly quite dark when you look closer at some of the jokes and situations, I'm just not very good at comedy so that kinda got lost which is a 'my bad' moment

Three, i didn't want to make light of specific topics so I keep and present them dark (for example, Leo stalking Usagi. I'm not gonna make light of stalking and abuse to keep a more lighthearted tone. I'm just not. So. Yeah). I think it's in bad taste to present certain things like that more comically, and I'll take the L of diverting from the source material a lot for it.

I wouldn't compare it to LFLS really! Lfls is a wonderful fanfic made by a wonderful person, but I think. What we try to achieve and the points/ideas we present are very very different, ya know? Hers is angst with a point, I'm just here to get groovy/j

I like the dark topics and I like presenting them as such, ISHDIFBFJ. Maybe it's just my low-empathy talking, but I like what I've done and I'm gonna keep improving it! I just. Idk, I enjoy it. About as simple as that!

I did at least try to go for some difference then other 'dark turtle' AUs I've seen! No hate to any of them, they get all the hearts and flowers from me, I just wanted something different and hopefully. Achieved that! Yay! :D

#blaze's answers

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terrainofheartfelt · 1 year

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in the lovely meta about Dan and Jenny you just posted, you said you thought Jenny would give herself a clean break from New York after moving to London

I was wondering how you saw that affecting her relationship with Eric (bc as much as he doesn't act like it, he is from the UES.) Do you picture him moving to London with her?

(btw I'm loving 💘💘 the fic so far. it's fun to catch the little references to my vdB genealogy research (I see you Great Aunt Elsie and Jonathan's distant relation))

oooohhohohohooooo what a question!

but first of all, thank you <333 and thank you so much for your service because I will keep on referencing that genealogy to finish this fic. I owe you my life.

the thought of Jenny & Eric being roommates is very Soft and I like the idea of it a lot, but in this fic and in the meta you reference in the ask, that was not the plan or intention of the au that I wrote. because, simply put, it's a jenate fic, and so it just didn't shake out that way, because the relationship the sereies revolves around is jenny's romantic/platonic/erotic relationship with nate, and not her platonic-soulmatism with eric. and, to bring about the how, when, where, why, why now? of where the sun falls down, Jenny needed to be in London alone.

before I dig in too deep on my Thoughts on this au-verse i so recklessly began constructing last summer, I gotta admit, writing the vdw sibs is hard for me. for a lot of reasons. one being that their upbringing and experience is so vastly different from my own that if I think about it too much I am kinda nervous to address it, and for serena she's is such a different person than I am that when I began writing fic, writing her pov never really occurred to me, and as for eric, his experiences and pain just maybe hit a little too close to home for me to want to dig into it. And on top of ALL of that, both eric and serena were done so dirty by the show, that I kind of feel that they need an extra amount of care given in fic, that I may not have the skill or spoons for.

so with all that being said, that's like, the meta reason Eric is where he is in this series, but my in-universe reasons to make the characterization make sense, is that Eric has to do his own thing for a while too. That's why we see him go to Sarah Lawerence, right? Other than to give Connor Paolo a graceful, soft exeunt from the show (interesting that he, the rich white boi was allowed to go with grace but Jenny and Vanessa's characters had to be destroyed right before they left it's whatevs)

So, in this au, I try to give Eric that, that space to heal and be as self-actualized as he deserves to be, and though I adore Jenny, and I adore their friendship, I think they need to be apart for a little while to give that for themselves.

and part of my opinion on that is my read that they are the closest friendship parallel to blair&serena (dan&vanessa come up second but this ask isn't about them). because, like, they love each other on a level that is deeper than a general friendship. if I may draw a parallel to another soap: they're meredith & cristina, they are each other's Person. and that is a profound relationship to have, but it can also be codependent and draining to put all of yourself into a friendship but that friend is struggling too, so they can't give you anything back, and so your both caught up in this maelstrom of betrayal and hurt feelings, and the only way to fix it is to gain some perspective.

and another parallel is that Jenny and Serena are both people that need to leave New York to find their happy, and Eric and Blair aren't, necessarily -- though they would thrive if they drummed up the courage to leave. so, Eric and Blair have to learn to let their person go, and learn that it's not about them.

I've talked so much I have no idea if this even answers your question, sorry lol. but I think that Jenny moving away would be ultimately beneficial to their relationship. and maybe, after a couple years, I could see Eric coming to England. Oh wait, I just remembered that I did write that once, where Eric does a semester abroad at Cambridge so he and Jenny hang all the time, and antagonize Dan bc he's at Oxford. (it's in this fic)

#woooooooow well i guess i've arrived #because i cannot remember everything i've posted to ao3 now #so like. don't hold me accountable for my actions #gg meta #asks #fritextramole #thank you for asking! i appreciates you!

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silkflovvers · 1 year

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hiiii hope u get to relax this weekend bud! so about that hot modern au diluc..... tell me why you hc him as aroace and did he have any past relationships before he figured it out? love knowing ppls sexuality hcs! please draw more modern diluc in classy sweaters and cute cardigans too btw... i want to show him off at pedigree show

I started a draft of this response on Friday and wrote a whole dang essay, so I am going to go back and make it less chaotic and a little more clear and concise jhskjdfh But thank you for sending in this ask ;u; I was happily playing with kitties and stuffing my face with good food all weekend, so it was a very nice break!

As for Modern AU Diluc, I've always liked the HC that he's asexual or demisexual. I don't see him as someone with much sexual attraction because I see a lot of aspects of his personality that me and many of the other asexual people I have known throughout my life all have shared. The aromantic headcanon is actually just for this specific AU! I have a 2nd modern AU where he is still asexual, but homoromantic! That AU is deep in my google docs and hasn't seen the light of day on social media yet, though. So it's very top secret shush shush lol

As for my thoughts for this specific AU, I thought he suited the aroace headcanon the most. I thought it made him a more compelling character within the story and modern setting and even made some of his relationships more complex to write and plan out. And I like a complex challenge when it means I get to pick apart a character's brain, even if I'm the one who technically gave them the brain since it's an AU....dissecting my own creation, if you will.

Since you asked more about his backstory, I'll leave some more info under the cut so I'm not clogging up people's dash ＊*♡( ⁎ᵕᴗᵕ⁎ ）

*Quick list of warnings for this AU before you proceed:

Crepus is dead in this AU, so there is technically past character death that is referenced often in regards to Diluc

Crepus died in a car accident and this is mentioned at least once or twice

There is past Diluven! They are not dating during the part of the story I've got the characters set in as of right now, but it is mentioned and integral information to a lot of the character's connections and backstories.

There are little hints that Diluc picked up bad habits after his fathers death and that he did not treat himself kindly. This behavior is comparable to self harm, so if that bothers you in the slightest, please proceed with caution. It is only vaguely referenced and never stated or explained outright. Man was lacking that self preservation mindset in-game when he ran off to avenge his father, so he also lacks it here, just in a different form

Kaeya and Diluc are portrayed as adopted brothers in this AU

Before I get into his back story, I'll give you his basic profile so you've got a little background info for him:

Character Profile:

Age: 29 Gender: Male Pronouns: He/Him Sexuality: Aromantic, Asexual Education: Bachelors of Science Business Management Occupation: Bar Owner, Bartender, Community Garden Volunteer (President) Relationship Status: Single Extra Info: Diagnosed with PTSD and Major Depression, Kaeya's adopted brother (estranged), has a full back piece tattoo done by Xiao.

You get some of that info from This art I posted before, but I actually made some small changes to the AU since I drew that! Sorry for any discrepancies. You should see the chaos that is my spreadsheet of character info for this AU alone. It nearly crashed my phone once just by opening it.

I'll start with the summary/TL;DR and expand a bit further on some parts just because I can!

TL;DR of how he found out he was AroAce:

Diluc dated Venti for convenience in high school, but never felt an attraction to him or anyone else.He only dated Venti to alleviate the pressure Jean felt from the rumors that she and DIluc were dating when they only saw each other as very close friends. He figured he'd eventually develop feelings for either Venti or someone else, but never did. He went through Trauma™ and officially left the main city in Mondstadt to find himself after the death of his father. He later found a trustworthy therapist who introduced him to the possibility of being AroAce.

Expanded Explanation:

In high school, Diluc watched many of his friends develop crushes and date and chase after love interests. He never really understood it. When people would ask him if he had feelings for anyone, he never had an answer. He didn't feel the need to date or flirt. The idea of being romantic with anyone quite frankly felt strange and foreign to him. He cared for his friends deeply and developed strong bonds, but he never considered any of them to be romantic in nature. Many people mistook his friendship with Jean as romantic due to how close they were.

The rumors put pressure on them both to become an item even if they didn’t have romantic feelings for each other. To relieve some of that pressure, Diluc did his best to try to find someone he felt comfortable returning affection, albeit insincere, to. So many people approached him with such sincerity, it felt wrong. So, when a short, bubbly upperclassman approached him with an offhanded flirt, he flirted back. It was a shaky attempt, but he could tell the star of the theater music department wouldn’t take things too seriously and there was nothing to lose. So, he got closer to Venti and asked him out. He wasn’t expecting they’d become the sweethearts of the school, nor that they’d be voted prom kings and cutest couple in the school year book. What was meant to be an unserious relationship to relieve pressure on himself and his dear friend, became a tiresome obligation.

Venti was two years older, and graduated the year after they started dating. Unfortunately, Diluc was still stuck pretending. His last year put more strain on him than he’d like to admit and it became so evident, even Jean began to worry. Before she could ask if he was alright and offer help, tragedy struck.

While driving he and his father to a promotional event for the family business, an SUV lost control on the highway and sent DIluc and his father’s car flying off the road and into the forest at the bottom of the incline beside it. Crepus suffered a severe injury and died before the ambulance or Kaeya arrived. Diluc blamed himself and the SUV that had driven off after the impact.

Tha took a toll on his mental state. The strain of pretending to be like everyone else proved too much on top of the new issues that instantly popped up after the death of his father. As the eldest son, just freshly 18, he was given the reins to the family business. He had to pick up the work in his father’s absence until things could be settled. He also had his finals and college applications to worry about. Venti’s pestering and unwanted advances tested Diluc’s limits and eventually sent him over the edge.

He broke up with Venti at a school dance he had to attend as president of the student council the day before his father’s funeral. Kaeya told him something (I won’t cover in this post) that shattered his hope for the future. In a blind rage he won’t be able to fully remember years later, he kicked Kaeya out and was left alone in a big empty house, save for the handful of staff that still cared for the house. After that, he simply stopped going to class. He did everything in his power to track down the man that killed his father, that the police still had yet to catch.

Within the time he spent obsessively searching for the man, Adelinde and Elzer were doing their best to talk him down and gently guide him towards getting his GED and attending a nearby college in the hopes of helping him back into a stable routine to get his mind off the grief he clearly was not processing in a healthy manner.

At some point, Diluc relented and did as they had asked. His rage simmered out and was replaced with numbness. He would not remember the years of rage or the time spent getting his degree due to his own specific response to the trauma he endured. He took on the family business for a year before he realized it was best to leave it to the people that knew more than he did and the people he knew his father had trusted to keep things running. He stepped down from the company and gave the position to Elzer. Though sad to see him go, the Dawn Winery staff were happy to see him leave to find himself and hopefully work through the grief he’d felt for all these years. He left Mondstadt proper to live in a smaller college town. It was where Jean had gone to pursue her degree and now her Masters. Once there, he opened up a small bar that quickly grew in popularity. He had direct contact with the most well known winery in Mond, so of course he had the highest quality alcohol.

As popularity grew, he was able to hire more staff, leaving him with more and more free time. In the mental state he was in, that free time wasn’t a good thing. Bad habits formed back in college and he still was not coping in healthy ways. As his free time increased, his mental state got worse. He thought getting out and finding something to do would help, so he joined as a volunteer at the community gardens. It was something he could do to distract himself and speak with others in a relatively stress free environment. There he met Zhongli, the person who tended to the beehives in the garden. Zhongli was kind, patient and understanding and very quickly became someone Diluc could call a friend. It helped a lot, the gardens and the new faces, until winter came and there wasn’t much to do when it was too cold for most plants to grow.

It reached a point where Jean was checking in on him frequently. She could tell things were bad. Feeling guilty for worrying his dearest friend so much, he finally reached out for help. With Zhongli and Jean’s assistance, he found a trustworthy therapist who helped guide him towards a healthier path and helped him through his emotions and thoughts. She introduced him to the concept of both Aromantic and Asexual identities. Having that support and direction helped improve his mental state and kept him from dropping back into the worst of his lows. Knowing he wasn’t broken in some way for not searching for romance or intimacy helped quite a bit. It wasn’t so much the label as it was knowing there were other people like him.

He also met Rosaria, who became a regular at his bar. The two later found out they were both Aromantic and bonded quite a bit over the fact. He came to rely on her as a more quiet and subtle source of support and understanding. Zhongli also became much closer to him and revealed they were genderfluid. The concept was somewhat foreign to Diluc, but it opened up his eyes to how diverse humans were in both their identities and presence. Zhongli then introduced him to Xiao, a young man they had taken in after he was in a terrible accident at a young age. Xiao dealt with chronic pain and the heavy guilt of being the only survivor of that accident that killed his closest friends. He and Diluc got along well. Further down the road, Diluc asked Xiao to do his back tattoo, trusting him with a design that symbolized his journey towards healing. Xiao, though he wouldn't admit it outright, was honored to have the bar owner's respect and freedom to design and complete the tattoo.

Now, Diluc is surrounded by and even more diverse community that helps him through the healing and self discovery process.

Thank you for asking me about him and this AU in general :> I have a bunch of google docs with more of his and the other character's stories, but I'll save them for another time, since that wasn't exactly what you asked for ahahaha whoops. Can't wait to draw more of him soon!

Hope you're having a lovely day!

#silkflovversask #txt #mauv1

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not-poignant · 2 years

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how does it feel to be done with (the main) fae tales verse as far, as far as writing goes? is mallory and mount going forward or do you have other plans? :o

It still doesn't really feel real honestly! I don't think it will until like we all get to experience the end of the canon together? Right now I kind of feel like I'm in a holding pattern. :D

I felt sort of sad that it was ending a while back, probably a year ago. And then I felt kind of relieved too, because The Ice Plague has had...a lot of teething issues re: dropping popularity and just general engagement (it's still good! But it's just...it will never be like Game Theory or The Court of Five Thrones, and book 3 will never be like book 2 and that wasn't like book 1).

I've been doing Mallory & Mount worldbuilding but I actually haven't written anything yet and I don't think I will for another couple of months, which doesn't bode well for launching M&M straight after Fae Tales. Because I'll need a buffer of chapters for that story. Realistically speaking I'll probably have to maintain the Patreon with a Gary/Efnisien omegaverse AU, while I write buffer chapters.

Some of the lag is just that the worldbuilding is much more complicated (new days of the week, new names for months, new names for currency, new values of currency, inventing an entirely new language, drawing a world map, etc.), and some if it is that I just actually think I need a break from really intense, complicated writing.

Some of it is also just fear that it will do badly. Logistically in 2022 the Patreon does increasingly worse every single month, and it's been that way for 8 months. By the time Fae Tales is finished, I think I'll be looking at a year of downward trending (after 7 years of only upward trending). It's quite a blow, even though there are understandable economic reasons for it, and it has me questioning if this is even sustainable. It can be hard to...motivate yourself to write or commit yourself to a story that will take 4+ years to write properly, or months of really intensive worldbuilding, when it might be 4 years that are better spent elsewhere, y'know?

Like I think the story and characters are good, but are they good enough? I don't know. I won't know until I write it, and I am not motivated or inspired to write it right now. Though I will say certainly part of that is simply that I am still writing big wordcounts. I wrote 38k last month, most of it on FFS, and I've written 19k this month already, most of it on FFS and Smoke in Autumn. FFS is the most word hungry story I've ever written.

Tbh I had to also take a pretty big hiatus (like a year) between Court of Five Thrones and The Ice Plague, so I'm not entirely surprised this is happening. Some of this is certainly burn out, I may actually need a break from that level of writing (I can write 5 chapters of Falling Falling Stars in the time it takes me to write one chapter of The Ice Plague - and FFS is like...3 times as popular lmao). I really enjoy writing complex narratives, characters, and politics, and original worldbuilding, but it is more effort, and Fae Tales has been going for nearly a decade. Maybe I just need some breathing room before launching straight off with another half decade commitment!! aslkfjsdaka :D I'm sure that's a big part of it.

Incidentally my worldbuilding folder for Mallory & Mount currently looks like this:

As you can see, I have been working on it pretty recently! Though I've taken a little break this month. So even if I take a break from it, I'll probably still be thinking about it and working on it in the background. I am almost certainly going to do early release re: Mallory & Mount - i.e. it goes up first on Patreon, and then it goes up on AO3 2 weeks later.

Whatever the case though, I'll still be writing something! I actually wrote 500 words of the Efnisien/Gary fic last night after busting out 4,600 words on the next FFS chapter sdslkajfsa the writing always continues, even if I don't know exactly what I'm doing with it.

As for the end of the Fae Tales canon, I think early August will be...Feelstown lmao. It's so soon!

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tenelkadjowrites · 2 years

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What I loved about AK especially was how understanding they both were of one another. Such an odd pairing, yet they worked. There was no judgement really. Seonghwa teased Y/N for her "church" outfits, but he still liked them, not only in THAT way, lol but he admired her for not being afraid of being different. And Y/N was supportive and encouraging towards the way Seonghwa presented himself as well.

I really appreciated their dynamic and I'm glad you can see that you've done a great job. (Don't get me started on how many times I read a certain collar scene...)

Yes to everything you said about writing, because that should be a general rule and something writers need to remember. It's not always easy to stick to it and not feel pressure either external and/or internal, but in the end this isn't work, it's a hobby that should mostly bring pleasure.

So true about Seonghwa, see I draw and at this point I'm unable to draw anyone else than HIM. I may attempt to draw another person, but nope, swerving right to Seonghwa. It's a curse I think... but he is very inspiring what can I say.

I finished AITD! I had to read it twice, because originally I stayed up late and stopped reading after the restaurant scene despite not having much words left, but my eyes were about to fall out. 💔 I wanted to pick it up from there the next day, but realized I read everything so quickly I didn't give it enough thought. Anyways, that Blue Hawaii reference, I see you. I started giggling at the Lisa part, lmao. And not him throwing up, noooooo, but points for realism for sure, hahahha. Most importantly I enjoyed the fic, it has ended the way I predicted, I knew Hwa's parents would try to pay Y/N off. It's a shame he was ready to believe them, I can't blame him too much, but it's still sad. The running in the rain to see the love of your life reminds me of that one scene in Bridget Jones's, I don't know if you've seen it.

I'm looking forward to more Hwa content. Are there any AUs in particular you want to explore? Omg this ask is long, I'm shutting up now!

i loved creating the sort of odd couple pairing in AK. it was fun to write and i wanted to make it clear that they both adored one another for how they were even if they looked like a strange pairing in public. the reader never judged hwa for his past, for sleeping with many people and hwa never judged her for the sort of cutesy demeanor and style of dressing. like you said, it was always based off a mutual respect for one another that was really important to me.

writing is truly my one big love. i've written stories, poems and journals since i was a little kid. i can't imagine ever not writing. it is really just my passion and anytime someone enjoys a fic of mine i am really happy that my love of writing shines through.

my basis of AITD was that i really wanted to have a typical "romcom" type finale. i had the finale in place before i even planned the rest of the fic. i wanted to make sure that throughout the fic it was evident hwa was going to struggle with the relationship he had with his parents and that he would be too afraid to fully let go until it reached a boiling point. the entire fic sort of flowed towards the finale of the 3rd act fight, the discussion with his father and the racing towards the restaurant to stop hwa. the fic really built itself around the final act. (which is common with my longer stories, i always seem to figure out the ending first and use that as a lighthouse to craft the rest of the plot.) i am really happy you enjoyed it so much and thanks for taking the time to read it.

i have SO many fics ideas and AUs i want to explore that it overwhelms me. i think my next few fics will just be a lot shorter and simpler, most likely some good old fashioned smut with just a little plot lol. i have a few different ideas for longer fics bouncing around in my head but AITD took 3 months to write so most likely just some shorter fics ahead for now. (i say this but if i get an idea that really captivates me then all bets are off lol.)

thank you again for such a long thoughtful message. <3

#asks

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captainkurosolaire · 3 years

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~ Mass Update ~

Mainly going into future plans and intents alongside ideas below cut.

Ton's of things I've in store this will prove difficult to vent it all out. But here we go... First off rehashing and appropriately learning to tag and organize things better on my blog. Each category will have their own corresponding content, I seek to bring or share. [Tales of Goldbrand] -- I intend this to carry a Compendium of all my writes soon that'll have everything neatly in-order including a glossary, so it'll have highlights of stories that even matter or the best stuff. I've written here for a very, long time, there's been many shifts. I want to make it more accessible. While coloring what matters for people who want to learn Captain or his Crew with less chapters. While also giving choice to find it all easily. This is essentially a step-above master-lists. I'll be doing that after the Saga I have going on, right now is done. [Captain] -- Will provide you strictly with Captain screenshots, gifs, photo-sets. This is still his blog despite the Crew thing's will sort of make this a scuffed Multi-Muse blog. I've few more things to edit and tag fix to get all his stuff though. [The Wild Crew] -- Afterwards this story is done Immortal Age Saga, It's something that I mainly wrote as a passion project within three days to get my warm-up process fixed. It's to allow me to get a feel for all his Crewmates and casts, in combat, in-general, to feel their presences. While also giving a bit of their backstories. At any point, I can go back and polish or tweak things in. They're NPC's but... not entirely. All will have their own 'Dreams' and their own 'Disapproval's' they have their own missions even. These things will factor eventually, they might set seeds, to betray or disagree with something, but that's all angst and more stories to be created, but overall, they'll probably always be Crew, eventually. -- I plan on making character-profile sheets of them and putting them in this Tab, it'll have their screenshots, their likes/dislikes. Some RP partners or people can also be shipped with them, but they'll all be monogamous and originally start off probably Pan. This allows them to figure out what they like on their own stories. I've always been someone who likes organic-flow. Although this one story contain all 16 characters or more, the rest will probably be shortened to a Squad of 4 and dispersed when on adventuring missions. Until I do a War Arc, that's my main goal to build too. [Roster] -- Will contain this Crew in just screen-sets dedicated to them, I'll probably randomly produce those. I've PC players among this Crew too. I may not be done either adding more, but this Crew is mainly built around Quality. Most pirate crew's mainly, have hundreds, thousands. Even Fleets. This Crew has personalities, monsters, people who are living life's that exist with piracy. He's an particular leader that had PC players the same way, he's had split-personality serial killers aboard, tribal chieftains, succubus, all sorts of various people once on a Crew. It's often an outcast style, pirates default are chaotic in nature, so this really isn't any different, it's a Fantasy version of it. There's humanization characters aboard too though, so this cast is really decked, everything and person is vital, they matter because they remind or covet something that others can draw upon. If ever played (Three Houses or Mass Effect / Dragon Age Origins) A lot of things like that are relatable too this structure and format. Which, Is something I want to be able to give when RPing. I want a genuine feel of this new world someone else's muse will be the main-character too. Depending on what's interacting everything they'll be scale appropriately to follow the genre they're in and environment even. [Aesthetics] -- Already explainable what you'll find here. [Asks] -- Same thing. [Prompts] -- Trivial things I was tagged too, I plan on compiling later. [Writing] -- Another alternatively to randomly go-down and it works right now. [Logs] -- Will have more individualistic master-lists and posts there, my poems from Sheik Sphere the Bard, etc.

Things of that nature, I'll probably add still. It's where a lot of my creative writing is summed. [Gems of Hydaelyn] -- My main #tag for other characters and artists, creationist. Lot of amazing people easily to find their zones or follow them optionally if you like. Ton's I intend to support and bolster, be a lot less unspoken. I'm never the type who's been strictly inclusive. But I'll do that when I've time to even explore the dash, I'm always still planning ahead with things and projects. [CKS] My original character-sheet it's outdated on something's but not too terrible. I'll give him polishing someday, I swear? [21+F-List] -- Just purely degenerate stuff of Captain. I'm a pirate blog. I will represent that with openness and furthermore. I'm never projecting you some false-image. I started off a smut-writer by stripping that, I no-longer represent the same aura and identity. But those are strictly his stuff and kinks, I'm effective in executing them but they're not all relatable to me OOC. This blog will always be 18+ containing crude or dark material sometimes, romantic things, this Captain is blunt, will literally put his cock on the table in conversations. Swearing and being censored would be too uncommon and displace most of him, but there's more about him then all this. [Other] -- I pay homage to a lot of characters, I originally am a Concept Designer. Which mean's I make characters and ideas like my addiction. Bad characters / villains or other little things I like to share in designs, I'll put there. Some villains might get little photo-sets, even if they died. Just cause I like their design, or maybe I'll give them an AU, where they won. When I've wrapped up things. [Collabs + Ships] -- Is a new project idea. This isn't going to be something limited too romantic only ships. It'll contain, platonic, romantic, friendships, rivals, frenemies, family, PC Crew, all ships. I am desperately working on improving my gif, screenshot, posing game so I can supply 'Screen Stories' this is not only a way to RP that's accessible with even people who are upon time-crunches from work, It gives visual-representation. To impactful stories shared with others and establish bonds. That are all-valid and impactful matter. Lot of people take a lot of their characters attributes into them and are them dialed up, I work with that and bit more, differently. I'm disconnected from my characters and they'll get hurt and injured and killed by me, that's my duty as their Author to give them conflicts and struggles. I'm their major antagonist, but that doesn't mean at-all, it's always SET that way. The characters I like to make have their own life, they live in this setting and are abide by it, they're often nothing, nobodies, and by the interacting with others, they slowly gradually building, more... Through emotional impacts, they alter, these are REAL people by all their beliefs. Each person they come in-contact with are legitimate and treated like that too. They've always impacted or given them insights to grow, or represent more. Otherwise it'd be criminally disrespectful if I allowed any emotional I felt OOC be the grudge to something IC. Captain in-particular is set on defying me. I cannot have that. ...But I can't stop him. He's met and encountered so many people and lived so many scenarios based on the actions of others, he's giving a chance right now to actually do things a lot further than impossible. The more people he meets and encounters, experiences, the more I lose. These stories are emotionally interactive where everything is a factor and adds to the dice, where the other people are the one who get to roll the dice for him, not me. That's something I want to color in. People range in emotions, they have their down's, ups, their own wholesome-grounding people, spending time with your favorite people, there's nothing more cherishing than that, being in your own comfort-zone or 'safe-space' these are all treasures that we live under, today. Contrary if what people assume of me, I'm not another 'blogger' that's came

before, who's wanting to force a harem, then constantly is bewildered when that falls to pieces cause of selfishness or a lack of communication, or the skeletons they have in their closets and beliefs they hid behind and swindled fooled everyone. I'm not looking to be popular or anything really, I just create stories and want to share in those, and I want to also boost others included, upward with me, especially those who make me. There's no ego in anything I do, this is purely love. I've never cared about being replicated or duplicated, I've had stalkers, I've gone through more then anyone would imagine, I've been used OOC and abused, just for my writing and cold-harshly told, i'd never amount to anything other then that or vice-versa. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Passion. That's all I got and am anymore. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Passion is the hardest thing to keep. It's something that can be stolen, quite effortlessly. Few words of discouragement, a bad negative representation, a lack of confidence, or small amount of time, there's many thing's that can put that flame out. Once you lose it. The difficulty to reattain is hundred-times harder than climbing any mountain for real. I've watched the greatest creators crumble from under the pressure, from beaten down by others. I watched many of them do it to themselves because they put a grand vision of needing validation of another and once lost, felt uncompelling to press onward. But passion also can be given BACK and drawn. It can be shown and encourage others, with a soft-triggering, that pushes them. That motivates, that constantly sticks to it. There are many that fuel me. If I ever quit, I let them down, I spit in the faces of people who're better than me in every-way. Or people who've came and given me their precious Time. That have given their character's or dedication to the abundant stories and community-driven things I've done. There's ONLY things you can do, create, give and provide. It cannot ever come to life without YOU. This is a fact. ...I swear, If you let your creativity soar, you'll be amazed by the heights you get. Constantly polish and learn and hone the best you, challenge yourself day after painstaking day, to draw better improvement on something, no matter how trivial or unfamiliar you are. You'll find a confidence only you can give yourself. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Future Plans --------------------------------------------------------------------- For me, I've got so much more stories to give and also explore, I might be taking up soon some other artists and more skilled people from community and hire them for some of my future writes, to up my game or cause something thing's can't be done in-game cause no background carries it. I also got a lot of-set up things and more angst stuff I want to practice, plus I'm adamantly on that grind to produce screen-sets with the intent's to some sort of improving daily. Additionally more people I'll be reaching out too soon for these collab's ideas and things. I look forward to shaking your hands, giving some hugs, show you my respect and admiration, then creating some enchanting stories and giving plots light. Feel free to reach out to me, I get scattered-brain but I'm working on getting better about it. Eventually will get to you though, my goals, if uninterested just say so when I poke, no bites, unless you kinky. Anyways, cheers hearties.

#ooc #update #future plans stuffz #ToG #Work on thinking of daily practice now

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agent-yolk-writes · 2 years

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Fanfiction Year in Review Meme

Figure I'd do something different for 2021. Hopefully I can remember what I did this year. Technically I'm supposed to be tagged and tag someone else, but alas I got no one to tag

What is your total word count for the year?

I made a lot of WIPs that I'm sure counted for a lot of words, but in terms of actual posting via AO3 I calculated that my post word count is just a little over 19k.

What fandoms did you write in this year?

A lot of Obey Me as well as Pokemon SwSh (for a zine piece), ITSV/Venom, Fate (obviously), a tiny thing for Godzilla S.P., and Jojo (both fic update and zine piece). I've been messing around with a few crossover ideas for Obey Me, one included a tokusatsu/superhero au (think Ultraman, maybe?) and another that included nightmare on elm street. I'm confident to post at least the first chapter(?) of the NoES.

I, uh, got into horror movies these year...mostly slashers set in the DbD universe despite never playing it. Maybe that's how I got that Nightmare idea? Idk. Maybe because Dead Meat remade their Friday the 13th kill counts this year I grew fond of Jason. Let's see if I can churn out something I like. Oh! I also began drafting an idea for a Jujutsu Kaisen/Chainsaw Man idea that's both reader insert and...smut. It might be a while before that comes out.

Did you write more, less, or roughly about what you expected?

I'm surprised I wrote a lot this year. I managed to bring out my first long fic out of temporary stasis and if it wasn't for my shitty ass job wasting most of my time and the fact I don't have access to my go to writing place (aka my college library, which is far away), I'd have more chapters of that.

But my ITSV/Venom fic requires less brain cells as it's honestly good dumb fun. People have been really enjoying it and vocalize how excited they are for the next chapter. Oooh, I have such big plans but not enough time for that fic.

What’s your own favorite story of this year?

Friends Like You and Us, definitely. As I mentioned, it's good dumb fun for everyone involved. It mashed my two favorite hyperfixations together as my love for MCU practically diminishes. But I always had a soft spot for Spider-Man and Venom so they can stay for as long as they like.

What is your most underappreciated story of the year?

I Think My Sister is Up to Something. Despite all the enabling and feedback from my friends when I was throwing around ideas, I don't really get that much engagement and I'm really sad about that. Having Rin did silly hijinks, revealing the reroll roster chapter by chapter, dropping clues as to who or what Sakura is with...I'm essentially talking to a wall as I am every day. I did, however, commission something to draw Suzuka in the FSN school uniform, so I'm taking that as a W

What’s your most appreciated story of 2021?

In terms of fan engagement outside of ITSV/Venom, definitely, You're My Dad! Boogie Woogie Woogie! Probably because of the Diavolo simps lol. I do have a Type(tm) and Diavolo definitely is that, and yet I made a 180 turn and projected my ideals onto him. Whoopsie. But hey, if the other OM stans enjoyed it than it worked out just fine.

Biggest fanfic related disappointment of 2021?

I Think My Sister is Up To Something. For obvious reasons. Maybe my SwSh zine piece for lack of engagement as well.

Biggest fanfic related surprise of 2021?

Definitely the Diavolo fic since I got a notification that someone put it in their private collection of Feel Good fics when they're down. That warmed my heart.

Something you are looking forward to working on in 2022?

Doing more writing, doing more posting, maybe start doing headcanons again. I hope in the future I can get accepted into more zines as a writer, maybe even a guest writer. I also want to do a fic collab with a friend, it's been a long time since I've done that kind of thing. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll remember to participate in NaNoWriMo

#agent yolk files #get to know agent yolk #year in writing

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starlightxsvt · 4 years

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Pink Dress || Joshua Hong au

Pairing: bad boy!Joshua x female reader

Genre: Fluff, slice of life, lil angst, suggestive, spice

Warnings: cursing, bad boy joshua coming for y'all

"What were you thinking when you wore this dress?" Joshua's dark eyes pierce into yours and you feel a little weak in the knees. As you fiddle with the hem of your dress, you squeak out a reply, "The weather was hot, you know."

It really was hot. The day started with you deciding to stay in the shelter of your home to avoid the blazing sun outside and finish your papers for the final. However, your plans changed with a call from Joshua.

He wanted to hang out with you in the library as he had a couple of books to pick up from there. You, being completely wrapped around Joshua's finger said yes without a second delay and promised the boy you'd meet him by 1 o'clock.

You rushed to pick an outfit, wanting to look pretty in front of Joshua. The male was the 'bad boy' of your campus; or so the rumors floating around suggested. It was your first year and like any other person with eyesight, you developed a crush on him. Which you kept to yourself until Joshua took a weird interest in you. He'd visit you during lunch, help you with your biology project, drop you home in his bike and even saved you from bullies a couple times.

It all made your heart swoon and turn your brain into mush. Soon enough, he's dragging you into corners and stealing kisses and touches with dirty, lustful words that fogs up your brain. That's when you fully realized, you were done for.

You have offered him your heart on a plate and now it was his to break. You try to subside the growing feelings for him in your heart but they only threaten to spill out. Hence, you thought it was necessary to look pretty in front of him.

You look lovely in pink, he'd said once when you wore pink to class. Remembering that and the awful weather outside, you go with a pink sundress with spaghetti straps and a low back,the hem reaching your mid thigh. It was a recent purchase and you were more than happy to see it's perfect fit.

You realized as you were halfway towards the library that the universe was not on your side. Out if nowhere, the sky is casted with thick clouds like they show in the horror movies and it starts raining cats and dogs. The campus library was about 10 minutes walk from your house but you make it in about 5, cursing yourself for not checking the weather forecast.

You see Joshua standing in front of the library building and rush over to him, drenched.

He quickly pulls you inside and his eyes darken as he scans you. That's how you end up with a fuming Joshua who looked very displeased with your choice of outfit.

"I can fucking see your bra, Y/n."

Your eyes widen as you quickly cover your chest with your backpack. Joshua sighs, frustrated. "Do you really think this outfit is appropriate for the library? Or were you trying to get me worked up? If so, then great, it worked."

"What? No!" You protest, a blush covering your cheeks.

Joshua takes off his leather jacket and puts it on you, ushering you into the library. After you take a seat, he hands you his handkerchief, motioning you to wipe your hair. As you do so, he disappears into the quietness of the library and returns a while later with a couple books in his hands.

"Are you here for these?" You ask.He nods, taking a seat beside you. You rub you hands together, feeling chilly.

"Cold?" He asks softly.

"A little."

"I'll drop you home once it stops raining. I shouldn't have called you out."

"No!" You reply, scared he regrets calling you. "I wanted to hang out with you too. I should've checked the weather."

"Forget it." He whispers, his eyes raking over you once again, making you squirm. "You look... sexy."

A blush blooms on your cheek, "Thank you. I-I wore it for y-you."

His pupils dilate slightly as a smirk kisses his lips, "Oh sweetheart, what am I gonna do with you?"

Make me your girlfriend, maybe.

He tucks a strand of loose hair behind your ear before leaning in to press his lips against yours. You kiss him with the same eagerness until you remember you are in public. You slightly push him away, not meeting his eyes as you chew your bottom lip.

His hand rests on your thigh as his fingers draw soft patters on your skin. He takes in your features, a feeling of adoration and desire settling in his heart.

"If I asked you to come to my house now, would you agree?"

You swallow, meeting his eyes. He never asked you to his home before. "Y-yes."

"Shit, when will this fucking rain stop." He rakes his hand through his soft locks impatiently.

You bite your lip, "You know, I'm already soaked. Why don't w-we, uhm, leave already?"

Joshua meets your eyes, a bit surprised. You yourself can't believe the words came out of you as you look down into you lap, embarrassed by your eagerness.

"Are you sure?" He says already standing up. His face engulfed in a crooked smile and his eyes intense and darker than the clouds outside, his mind wandering to the filthy things he wants to do with you.

"Y-yes," You reached for his outstretched hand. You knew you were only making way for your heart to get broken but the boy in front of you is worth the heartbreak.

A/N: I can't believe I've wrote this in one sitting. Anyway, I've always had a thing for bad boy Joshua in a bike and so I had to write this. As always, feedbacks are greatly appreciated! 💖

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dana-chan-the-control-brain · 3 years

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Happy new year everyone 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I know 2020 has been hard for everyone.

And I want everyone to know, suffering isn't a contest and we all suffer in different ways. But I feel I should give my year in Review. Just some things that happened to me personally.

This was an intense, and long and spiritual and emotional journey for me...

I really discovered what it meant to have community, family and what my life means to me.

But I feel I need to get this in writing cause I can remember the year with vivid detail and I will probably forget if I don't get it down.

Do I have to share this publically online to my tumblr account for a bunch of strangers to see? not really.

Do I want to?

Yes. I think so. Just from how so many people on tumblr and real life have touched me.

This is kinda long and no one needs to read this.

(idk how to do a readmore on mobile. But this is where I would add it later. No one needs to read if they don't want to.)

January/February: (and some background on the last five years of my life cause.....well. it's important.)

As people knew, I got way into Invader Zim last summer. I spent most of my waking life working a dead end job at a grocery store. I lived a sad lonely life, going straight home to a single dark studio apartment. With not many material possessions outside of games, my laptop and my tablet to my name. Half of my material loves, such as home furnishings and books were still in boxes from when I moved in. In case I ever had to move again, or get some "big screenshot or copywriter" job in the city.

....

I lived in that city in the same dead end job and apartment for five years.

No friends. No social life. I often refused to make doctor appointments or attempt to establish myself in that city. I didn't even talk to anyone in my workplace.

Work. Go online. Go to sleep.

I lived like that for five years.

I thought it was good.

Even my therapist thought I was doing well.

When I really wasn't. My main character flaw I struggle with is motivation.

I can talk to someone about very detailed plans I have to fix a problem... But I tend to never follow through.

Just because I can describe in detail how to fix my personal problems, it doesn't mean I will do it.

(I have gotten better at this but it's a major struggle)

I might have been a Zombie during the day...

But by night I was pouring my soul into my AU and my analysis.

After being so thoughly ignored or overlooked by the Naruto fandom and the Undertale fandom, I felt like I had finally found my home and was settling into a community there.

I just loved that people loved what I had to say.

Especially my AU.

It's no secret that a lot of themes in my au revolve around found family, grief, and loss.......

Fatherhood, in particular.

What it means to be a father, how much do you need to try when you mess up, how willing should a child forgive their parent, especially those that have wronged you and how much of it is factually accurate and simply a self projection of what children want their parents to be and visa versa... What amount of forgiveness and change is nessasary...is it needed?

....

It's no secret that a lot of my AU is a giant coping mechanism for my Dad's death. Espessially the falling out and growing closer with a lot of my family members throughout the years following his death. (Most of the time I keep it ambiguous to how it relates to my personal life unless I include a readmore that states so outright. I feel my au can be enjoyed by a variety of people in the fandom who don't need to know me as a person or my life story.)

My Dad passed away in 2016 in February and my family still feels the aftershocks to this day.

It's part of the reason I moved to the city, alienated myself from my family and people that loved me and refused to experience life for five years.

My entire world was Zim, and I was okay.

March: When America finally realized and started to feel the effects of the pandemic....

A lot of people got scared.

Me included.

I didn't have any streaming services or access to the news. So I only heard accounts from my mom.

I didn't understand why the store was so dead quiet and empty for a few days, then it went into mass chaos and panic in the span of two days.

It felt like Retail black friday in the worst way. Everyone was packed like sardines. Everyone was yelling. The lines at the registers bled into the clothing department.

I was witness to customers shoving others for toilet paper, being rude to cashier's and just overall unpleasantness.

At the time, I didn't even fully grasp what the pandemic was, and I feel a lot of people at the time didn't either.

I ended up absentmindedly scratching my eyebrow in front of a customer and she screamed and villanised me for it. That they didn't want groceries touched by my "unclean hands"

I ended up breaking down into tears.

The customer behind me gave me a hug and told me I was doing a great job.

But the damage was done. It was the final straw, I couldn't stop crying and I was breaking apart.

Thankfully my Boss (the one who likes me) pulled me aside and asked what's wrong.

It was then that I quit. No notice. Same day. I had to get out of there.

I was planning to move to an apartment with my sister in the summer, but my Mom offered for me to move back in with her temperarily just so I can get out of the city and away from the pandemic.

So I did.

I got scared, broke my lease a month early and quit my job of five years that gave me nothing back.

He told me, "take care of yourself and your family, I won't keep you here, do what you need to do."

So I did.

April-June:

A very eventful few months.

My mom offered for me to live at her place, but for some reason she was acting like I would live there forever. That this wasn't a temporary arrangement, and that I didn't have an apartment set up already.

This was in large part to my sister, who had lived with my mom taking advantage of her for years.

Even though my sister and I were going to move in together, I was just never sure about it cause of how she never packed her stuff or made any effort to find a job.

My mom often acted like I was lazy and not searching and was treating me like... Well, an unruly teenager instead of a woman of 29 years. She acted like I was a failure for returning home when it was her idea in the first place.

I would have just been petrified in the city.

Like usual, I retreated to my au again.... And in the spring, something eventful happened.

In may, 8th 2020:

I was invited by @rissynicole to join an invader zim discord.

Now, I've never really used discord before. I always thought it's interface is too confusing.. and I'm a member of a few other iz discords and I usually don't follow them that closely.

Rissy assured me it was different cause some friends of thiers made it and it was smaller.

Before I knew it, I was sharing memes and getting to know everyone there.

It wasn't long after I invited my partner in IZ crimes, @paketdimensioncomic who was genuinely wary of iz servers due to a bad experience with the last one they were a part of.

But soon they were sharing memes and laughing with everyone else.

My eyes were starting to open and I was able to connect to fans of my work in an interpersonal way. And I was able to discover new artists and aus I never knew about.

I was also able to meet so many others of the community and invite them to the server myself.

The moo-ping 10 server kept me sane while I was living with my judgmental mother.

Not only that, the summer was very productive for my au.

Drawing was all I did, and it was a huge break from the job as a cashier I had.

Not only that, June came, and with it, me and Ceph's first collab fic:

A result of us just going back and forth in our DMs constantly about Professor Membrane and how he changed in ETF for the better and how much we adamantly stan "trying-to-be-a-good-dad-brane" and how much of his ETF development has to be implied off screen in order for the emotional resolution in the movie to matter.

The only reason I never professed my love for Membrane as a character in the fandom before the fic dropped was.... Well....

Membrane can be a decisive character in the fandom and I was so worried people would hate me if I did an analysis on him, simply because he's not the best parent in the world. (As an understatement)

Ceph and I really encouraged each other to scream our love for the science himbo loud and proud more frequently and so often.... I actually start to see less Membrane hate posts and breakdowns then their used to be.... I like to think it's a combination of Me and Ceph's influence, along with ETF and the Quarterly's painting Membrane in a slightly more nuanced light then he was previously.

I never wrote a collab fic before and it's such a rewarding and fun and unique experience that I don't think I'll ever have again. And I love working with Ceph on our fics so much.

So much so we did it again...

July-August:

I never thought I would be one of those people who writes NSFW IZ fic... But here I am.

The Brainbrane au started.... An au of my au where Membrane and the Computer fall in love and Membrane makes him a body.

This ship was based around the idea where we joked that Membrane and Zim's Computer would have funny interactions if they ever met, under the pretense Membrane thinks Computer is Zim's parent.

Our headcanons morphed and shifted until we just full blown started shipping them.

Just because Membrane and Zim's Computer have overall REALLY entertaining chemistry.

It's a character dynamic never seen in the show or comics (yet) and I imagine thier interactions to be nothing but entertaining banter.

The fic was also born from spite... Making fun of the troupes and cliches that we found personally destestible in some questionable zadr fics.

So an angry ace and a demi-bisexual collab on a porn and end up blessing the fandom with

Compapa headcanons,

Computer being recognized as a more common used fanon character,

The ship of Brainbrane.

The fandom having a crisis of "oh God, not only are we xenophiles we're technophiles too!!!" Or "why you gotta give Zim's Computer an ass"

More android Computer designs

It was an eventful summer.

In the midst of all this, I moved into my new place, got a new job, and I was able to see my friend (who is def my platonic straight soul mate) who lives in Indiana.

She came to visit, showed me how to decorate and how to take care of my body better! Things were looking up! It was great.

September-November:

My job was at a boat store. If was approaching the fall and my hours were being severely cut.

I was getting into a rut of depression again.

I thought things were changing but the same routine I was trying to escape from was the same thing coming back.

But instead of letting it take hold, I decided I was going to do something about it... I was gonna visit a museum and go with my sister. Just... variety stimulation.

Well that didn't happen.

I talked about this shortly in my au itself...but..

My sister had a complete mental breakdown.

She stopped taking her meds, went off the deep end and was in the hospital a total of five times throughout November.

A lot of it was acting out and the perfect storm of environmental factors that made her scream and act out so she would keep going back to the hospital.

It was traumatizing for me.

I just can't explain what it's like. For her and for me to be in that position.

I'm not telling the full story and a lot of bullshit things happened I won't share here.

She got diagnosed with bipolar one and my mom expected me to be a caretaker for her.

I threatened to disown my family and move away out of state.

It was just too much for me to handle.

So much I was a nervous wreck.

I tried to pick up a second job... Cause my sister was in the mental ward so frequently and couldn't pay the bills.

But I was fired within a week cause I was so stressed I couldn't retain the basic information they were training me for.

It was an office job.

My dream.

It could have been.

I was fired from something I really wanted.

I was only there for three days.

I could not retain any information.

I was a mess.

My sister was a trigger, my mom wanted me to live with her. I couldn't live like this.... I had to get out.

I had to get out.

December:

Remember my Indiana friend?

Well the first week of December is my birthday.

My 30th to be exact.

While I did pick up a seasonal position at Target (not my first pick)

I took the first week of December off so I could spend time with her. Cause she agreed, I needed a break from this crap.

Surviving 30 years is cause to celebrate and if I had to celebrate with my sister I would have cried.

I know there was a risk traveling out of state during a pandemic...

But I needed out, I needed a friend..

And I kinda wanted to look at the place since I was considering moving there.

My friend's mom was sick so she avoided me and her daughter and got us a hotel room.

It was fun! I got to swim in a salt water pool, we talked about Naruto, I showed her the iz and su art books I brought, also Computer and Membrane tea.

I also got to meet her other friends and get crunk. And her bf who is super nice and funny!

I had a super fun birthday....

Until her mom told my friend that her grandparents had covid and that was what she had. And my friend got sick within that same day.... As did I.

I owe so much to her family.

I was an entire state away...about a ten hour drive from home.... She let me stay at her house. "The covid house" we called it.

Cause everyone (except the father. He avoided everyone and booked a hotel immediately cus he was an ER doctor) had covid within a day.

I called in, the test results were positive and I had to stay with her family for ten days quarantine before I could work again.

Which would have been fine....

If my tumblr didn't log me out perminately of my old account. @dana-chan325 .... Which really sucked cause I had a constant headache and was too sick to engage with tumblr or much of the fandom. I didn't want to make a new account when my head was in a bad fog and I could barely breathe or smell.

It's not like I saw much of my friend either.... We all slept at different hours and she had more symptoms then I did.

It was just netflix, danganronpa v3 and cry.

I was miserable, but at the same time.... Not?

I really feel like God himself was the one who pulled me off from tumblr, and my living situation.

Maybe a whole extra week feeling like a bobblehead was what I needed.

It gave me some much needed clarity on my relationships with my mom and sis and friend.

Running away to Indiana was not the solution here.

Once I was better within ten days and no longer had a leave of absence, I drove home.

I am glad I fully recovered (but from how I understand it, my dear friend is still ill. I'm praying for her)

I might have gone to work a bit too soon, cause I had an asthma attack after trying to unload a single cart in the span of six hours.

My boss lectured that my speed was unacceptable, and even though I explained the covid situation and breathing problems many times, she threatened that I'd be fired if I'm that slow again.

Que the next few days of work where they put me on register.

Instantly I was sent into a panic remembering the last time I was on the register and how that panic attack caused me to quit.

I even asked if I could go back to stocking, since my breathing had improved. My boss assured me that I was put on the register cause they needed help and nothing to do with my covid thing.

Then as December concluded and the new year began, my boss said that this was the last shift for me cause my position was seasonal and they were letting a lot of people go.

I then asked why I was on the schedule for Sunday, and he told me to ignore it and I'm free to reapply for full-time.

I mean.... They can act smart about it...

But putting your general merchandise stocker onto register after she had an asthma attack and missed working the first two weeks of December due to covid.....

Not a good look.

So once again, I'm jobless once more.

Will probably continue to live with my sister for awhile.

But I do not feel as if it's a bad thing....

I met so many good people this year....

My friend's family even gave me 500 usd to cover my rent since I couldn't work for a majority of December.

I've seen evil and good from humanity this year. I've seen acts of god, good friends and what my real family means to me as well as friends I consider family.

This year really made me look back at the person in the mirror and say,

"I deserve better."

And actually worked for it this time.

Oh and after Christmas I got a horrible yeast infection that burns over most of my body currently.

Very accurate doodle to the pain I'm in right now.

(seriously my body is a fungus.)

But hey, good news, I respected myself enough to go to the doctor about it!!

So that's progress.

I really hope 2021 holds good things for me.

Thank you to the mooping 10 server for always being there and keeping me sane,

Thank you tumblr for liking my au and everything.

AND A SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU TO @evartandadam and her family for housing me and my dumb diseased ass. Everyone, she is an angel and I can't express how much she means to me. Please check out her art and buy her stuff on redbubble.

Anyways... Byebye 2020.

I look forward to what I can accomplish for myself this year.

#danachan's posts #personal stuff #new year post #tw: covid #tw: yeast infection

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letters-from-eros · 4 years

Text

Pairing: Kirishima Eijiro x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst To Fluff

Form: Oneshot. Songfic

AU: Hanahaki disease.

A/N: I had to edit this so hard for me to like it at all 😭 I hope you all enjoy.

Thank you.

You laid down, sprawled out on your bed with flower petals surrounding you. You think they're petals from a rose but they could just be stained in blood. You honestly didn't really understand how your condition worked, even though the extensive research you did and the consults with doctors. What you did know is that you're grateful that you haven't started coughing up blood, which is a side effect of progressed Hanahaki; AKA you're conditon/disease. It was obvious you had bigger and better things to worry about than Kirishima (the cause of the suffocating disease) but the petals were a constant reminder of him. You wonder if he thinks about you at least a tenth of how much you think about him.

The only people who know about your... Condition, is Jiro and Mina, your two best friends. Jiro is there to comfort you, though she can't quite understand why you would go through so much pain just to hold feelings for someone, Mina's there to try to make Jiro understand the importance of love and to make you happier about the situation. You couldn't ask for better friends, honestly.

The lump in your throat starts to form and come up and you take a deep breath and let the cough come, sitting upright, expelling the flowers. After the coughing fit is done you're left panting but there was something that didn't have the petals just fall out of your hand. You look at your hand that you coughed into.

Blood. It was laced on the flower making it oddly stick to you're hand.

You quickly went to the bathroom to flush the petals you just coughed up and wash the remainder of blood off your hands before rushing back to your room to call your two support units. You fumble with your phone before you manage to start a group call.

One ring, Mina is in.

"Hey, what's up?!" She asked in a cheery tone

"One second..." You hoarsely respond, waiting for Jiro.

3 rings, Jiro picks up.

"Sorry, couldn't hear my phone over my music, what's up you guys?" Jiro says in her usually monotone voice.

"I... I coughed up blood, guys," You confess to them.

"Y/N..." Jiro sighed, you could practically hear the head shaking and facepalming.

"It's time to confess, hun. And if he doesn't reciprocate it you can go get the procedure," Mina said in a fairly sassy tone, referencing the procedure I could take to make sure I would never cough up flowers again but that would iradicate my feelings for Kirishima.

"Yeah, I know. I'm not a blinded by love idiot," You respond, matter of factly.

"Thank god.." Jiro scoffed and you and Mina chuckled.

"So how am gonna ask him out?" You ask your polar opposite best friends.

Timeskip

You see Kirishima and Bakugo argue over... Something, at Bakugo's desk that was on the other side of the classroom than yours. You watch the clock tick for a few seconds before you start writing your note.

'Meet me at the auditorium,

-Vines'

That was his nickname for you, vines. It referenced your quirk called the same thing. Oh the irony that you can sprout vines from your palms and control plants then you get a disease to cough up flowers.. The doctor who you went to to consult when you first starting coughing up the petals actually said that your quirk had the possibility to make the condition worst.

The bell rang and Bakugo and Eijiro continued arguing. You quickly left class and slipped the note into his prior to hurrying to the Auditorium.

Once you got there you found Mina adjusting her stool for the drums (Bakugo taught her how to play them) and Jiro tuning her bass. They both faked illness at some point of class to go set up the stage.

"Hey there, lover girl," Jiro said into the mic as you threw your backpack into some random chairs on the back row.

"Aren't you supposed to say check one two?" You snarkily replied. Once you got on stage you adjusted the height of your mic stand so that the mic was at your mouth.

The plan was great. You're gonna sing a cool love song that was playing in your earbuds when you first met Kirishima. You hope to god he doesn't have the memory of a goldfish and remembers the fact, especially after already telling him multiple times prior to conceiving the idea to sing to him. It was your favorite song because of that reason..

Two plants were on both sides of the door, you focus your quirk to move the plant vases to the middle of the main aisle, curling the branches into an intricate design that ultimately formed a heart.

"Pretty~" Mina spoke up in awe, staring at it. It was somewhat rare for you to use your quirk for something other than combat and it can be forgotten you can do cool, small things like this.

The door starts to creek open as Jiro and Mina start playing the beginning instrumentals. You start to sing the beginning verse as Eijiro fully comes into the auditorium, already awe struck.

Eijiro Kirishima's POV

"All I wanted was you," Y/N strong yet smooth voice sings, bouncing off the auditorium walls. I've get to hear her sing on rare occassions and I don't think I love anything more, well except for Y/N herself but unlike her singing I have to keep that love to myself...

I take a few steps further down the isle as an instrumental sounds off. Her quirk is so cool to add this beautiful and manly arbor, I doubt anything like this could be bought at a store.

I try to focus solely on her voice, but the thought keeps ringing in the back of my head onto why am I the only one watching? I know this song held significance us, but this seems so sudden. I am a man for spontaneity yet something like this seems random nonetheless. I should just focus on her singing.

Your POV

The ball starts to form in your throat towards the end of the song, you try to surpress it but your voice cracks just slightly, which is so embarrassing.. Which makes you focus on how stupid you're probably looking out of embarrassment which leads to you not focusing on the flowers which make them launch out in coughs. You pull the microphone away as weakening coughs expell the roses. After your coughing fit theres a bed of rose petals, each one dotted with at least a little blood.

A pair of strong arms make you stand up straight before entrapping you.

"You have Hanahaki?" Kirishima questioms softly, barely above a whisper. Apparently he's heard of the disease. Didn't he do a very botched project on it once..?

"Mhm..." You confirm. He nuzzles his forhead into the crook of your neck as you hug him tighter.

"Because of me?" He questions again, sounding guilty, it took a second to process that if it was him, it meant that you reciprocated his feelings. The question was fueled by his instant assumption to blame himself.

"Mhm..." You respond, a bit to anxious to respond in full words, let alone full sentences.

"I'm so sorry.. I had no idea.. Y/N," He says, drawing away and looking into your eyes, hands moving to either side of your face. "Y/N.. I love you so much, I'm so sorry I didn't show you sooner.. I never meant to hurt you!"

How unmanly was the only word that Kirishima could think of to describe his cowardice to tell you how he feels, only to see that it left you with a painful disease. The supporting grip on your waist tightened, and the man in front of you looked like he was about to shatter into a thousand pieces.

"Its okay! There was no way you could've known!"

"But-"

"It isn't you're fault, please don't blame yourself.." You empathetically started to mirror Kirishima's feeling of guilt and sadness and your smile slowly turned into a dejected one.

Strong arms wrapped completely around you in a tight hug, causing you both to wobble a bit.

"I'm so sorry.. Uh, d-don't I need to kiss you? To get rid of the.. The flowers, I mean," A warm tint that complemented his hair flushed across his cheeks as he thought back to his botched project on Hanahaki. Requited feelings was enough to keep the disease at bay.

"Not if you don't want to, Kiri," You smiled warming at the flustered teen in front of until a rough collision of lips against yours. It was filled with anxiety and awkwardness from the redheads behalf with this being the first time kissing anyone, let alone someone who he loved as much as you.

"Woo!!" Jirou catcalled, exiting the auditorium with a playful smile

"Yaaaasssss!!!" Mina cheered.

They were already gone by the time you both had pulled away from the kiss, leaving you both at a complete and utter loss for words.

You relished in the feeling of breaths unclogged with suffocating flowers, the feeling on Kirishima's soft, lingering hold across your waist that he didn't even know was there. There are no words in the english dialect to describe this moment of blissful clarity. It was hard for you to even come up with words to say.

So many feelings to express, but all that came out was a soft, grateful, "Thank you."

#my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha x reader #mha #boku no hero academia x reader #mha x reader #my hero academia songfic #kirishima eijiro #kirishima #kirishima x reader #mha kirishima #kirishima imagine #kirishima eijiro x reader #kirishima eijiro fluff

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smallstarfox · 4 years

Note

3, 11, 13, 18, 24, 38 for the fic ask game (:

3 - Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do?

I think I first read some really epic multi-chapter stories for thasmin and that set me off. Also some really cute oneshots. My bookmarks have stories from 2018 in there so I'd recommend combing through. Sadly most of the fics I read have been deleted and it makes me so sad. I will say that I got into AUs because of @maglex and @fuxdeiflswued

11 - How do you come up with your fic titles?

With great difficulty! I have currently a big stint of just song lyrics BUT I've done okay for most things? When I'm planning work I just kind of. Get a vibe and then go through about ten different ideas before one sticks. The vampire AU had a different name until I reposted and added a werewolf twist, Falling Blood and Rising Moons isn't that imaginative but I love it. Love Between The Lines was a stroke of 3am genius haha. Nights Together was a cop-out if I'm honest but it gets the job done. My secret AU had the best title and I can't wait to share it.

13 - Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic?

Oneshots I don't. Those just get churned up out of thin air if I'm honest. I'll get an idea and make it up as I go along. I did that for my first multi-chapter and it broke me. Now I plan. I wouldn't say its extensive, but I do plot what I want each chapter to contain with key points. You wouldn't need to read the fic if you saw my plans. If I plan too deeply, I find it constrictive and lose motivation.

18 - Do you have a WIP that you keep telling yourself you’ll eventually get back to, but deep down you know that’s probably a lie?

Honestly...the vampire au. Which is awful because I love it so much but I really roadblocked myself and I hate it. I know everyone wants the thasmin now, but I decided to do backstory...worst mistake. Tbh I will continue if it kills me. Otherwise I have a lot of half finished work in my Google docs. I lose focus quickly and have to be in the right mood to write certain things. Aka currently I'm in soft mode so all my angst and nsfw is out of the question for a while.

24 - What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

I mean aside from the major players of The Archive Warnings (minus major character death, I've done that), I don't really like most Dead Dove Do Not Eat topics aside from discussing mental health and recovering from abusive situations. ABO can go do one. I won't touch that. I'm squicked by pollen related tropes. I guess really I'm more put off by certain characters, rather than tropes. If anything, I only draw my lines around dark topics or fetishes.

38 - What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

Depends on what I'm working on! Oneshots can be on a sliding scale from 1-5, depending on the topic. I take my brain out so it's very mild. Multichapters....god I'm a right mess. Mostly because I start posting before I'm done so there's no schedule and updates are random and again tied to how I'm feeling. I get to a 10 some days, but mostly a 7 for longer works. I am organised by way of plotting (thank you novel writing) but actually producing the work...it's dire. I really need someone to motivate me tbh. Or make me talk about my work so I'm forced/encouraged to do more. Then again my ideas aren't that good so hahaha

Thank you for these asks! They kept me entertained greatly, and now I'm off into the depths of the factory.

#ask meme #softyasmin

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leonawriter · 7 years

Text

Waiting On A Word

Read it on AO3

Fandom: Doctor Who

Characters: Bill, Heather, Penny, Twelve (mentioned), Missy (mentioned)

Pairings: Bill/Heather

Summary: When Bill realises that the Doctor might not have been as gone for good as she'd thought, she decides to go back to Bristol to see if he reappears. She owes him a proper goodbye, even if nothing else.

...

It's hard not to be distracted, now. She can't even blame herself for it, either - here she is, serving chips again, when she could be out there, travelling the stars with her girlfriend.

Girlfriend. Wow, that's still new. Even a few months going around touring time and space couldn't get rid of how new that felt.

Bill catches herself smiling, which is great, but she really needs to focus. It wasn't like she'd come back to work as a chip girl for fun, after all. There was a reason.

You saved me, made me back into me again, she'd said to Heather one day, as they sat on the top of a space station and watched the workers in their space suits float by, kept from flying free by the equivalent of ropes and cords. If it weren't for the Doctor, I wouldn't even have got that far. He saved my life - so many times.

She could still remember shivering from the memory of the last time she'd been out in space without a suit or a helmet to protect her. Heather reminding her that the way they were now, they weren't in any danger. And then, the sudden thought to ask if her tears landing on the Doctor might have done anything to him, and Heather shrugging.

My mum always told me that if I was lost, she'd said, starting to think, I should stay right where I am. Or go someplace someone'd know to find me. At least, that's what I always thought she'd say. It makes sense, though.

Figuring that might work this time, or even that it was what she thought she needed to do, had still taken a few different encounters - some friendly and some not so - where Bill was sure they were talking about the Doctor - her Doctor, not any of the others, like the one someone'd said had raced through their market stall like a, well, a thing that sounded like it was a drunk giraffe wearing a bowtie, or the one that'd had the locals freak out because he was wearing so much white, that they apparently associated with death, and a weird vegetable attached to his clothes. A few mentions of someone calling himself 'Doctor' in a blue box and going on about broken promises was plenty enough to make her suspicious.

She had her ideas as to who those other ones were, though.

He's her, he'd explained to her in the barn, sitting next to her but not quite as close as she could remember them being. At some point he must have died, and when he did, he became her. It's called regeneration. I've done it myself. At some point, I'll need to do it again, when this body's worn too thin. I've never been a woman, though. Who knows, maybe next time that'll be me.

He'd turned to her and smiled slightly, although even at the time she'd known it hadn't been a really happy one. In his own weird way, he'd just been trying to cheer her up.

Another dish washed and put on the drainer. She reached out for the next.

...

As soon as she could after reorienting herself from not having been home or anything for over ten years, revisiting all the places she used to know so well, and she began taking the initiative a bit more.

Heather held her hand on the way up to the Doctor's office, giving her a supportive look that she'd really needed when she gathered up the courage to just knock.

The worst thing was when nothing happened. Just like the rest of the staff and students had said, he was just... gone. Ever since he'd got it into his head to test Missy.

Heather took them through the door, just to check, but they weren't there long. Everything was exactly as she'd remembered it - the photos still there, perfectly untouched. Papers unmarked - she could see her last one there on the pile by her handwriting, which was weird - and a cup of tea gone cold, another reminder that it hadn't just been her and the Doctor, but Nardole, too.

There was an empty spot in the corner where the TARDIS should be, conspicuous by its absence.

Heather tugged at her hand as she felt her throat tighten, and the next thing she knew, they were somewhere else entirely, a few thousand years into the future, where the sky rippled in different colours.

...

When they came back next, Heather materialised in the kitchen behind everyone's backs and pretended all innocent like, as though she'd not just been on the other end of the cafeteria hall with that smile of hers.

Bill didn't think the others much believed either of them, but without suggesting she was, oh, some sort of time-and-space hopping water alien, no one could argue much, either.

She'd normally have been annoyed when she was left on her own to finish washing up after everyone, but this time she didn't mind. They made a good team - when they weren't splashing soapy water in each others' faces, and Bill wasn't laughing because it reminded her of how Heather'd looked when she'd first turned into the Pilot, and how this was way less scary or freaky. Then Heather splashed her, and said you're like me now, and they'd ended up kissing in St. Luke's kitchen, Bill smiling just like she had the first time, dishes forgotten for a minute or so.

I still don't understand, though. Out of everyone, she chooses me.

Not a bad thing, though, just something more to smile and thank her lucky stars over.

...

A few days later found them standing in front of the vault the Doctor had kept Missy in, Bill feeling just a bit silly over how nervous she was just to be near that thing - the last time she'd had anything to do with that woman, she'd ended up converted into a Cyberman, and from what the Doctor had said, that wasn't the worst she, or he, had ever done - because she was like Heather now, right?

Heather squeezed her hand, and Bill knocked.

This time, she felt guilty to be relieved that nothing happened, even after a few minutes.

It really was just an empty box behind a door in the basement of the university, now. Nothing scary about it.

She hesitated as they were about to leave, though, a thought crossing her mind, a question that suddenly needed to be answered.

"You know how when you were first trying to find me, and the Doctor came down here to make sure it was all secure and everything? Could you have? I mean, got in there?"

Heather considered the vault doors for a moment, but then shrugged, turning back to face Bill.

"Dunno. Wasn't really after whatever was in some dusty old vault, was I?"

"It was kinda a 'who', not a 'what'."

Which was weird to think about, now - she hadn't known at the time, though she had wondered what could be so important. After their discussion on the roof that one day before Missy's test that'd gone to hell in a hand basket, it kinda made more sense.

"That's what I was thinking, too," Heather says, a smile in her eyes, and Bill takes her hand again, thinking I'm glad you came back, and not for the first or last time.

...

They run into Penny not long after, in between kitchen duty and something infinitely more interesting, because of sudden cravings for Earth chocolate, which, despite what the stalls on some alien planets in the far future said, the taste was never going to be as authentic as it was bought straight from the supermarket

It was awkward, at first. If she was honest, Bill would say she was worried because it might look kinda like she'd been cheating, and with an extra ten (now a bit more than ten) years since they'd last seen each other, it'd taken until now to remember that they'd been talking about having a quiet movie night in someday.

It was a relief when everyone was properly introduced and everything was explained, there weren't any hard feelings.

"You know," Penny said once things had calmed down some, "I think it's all for the best anyway. I don't think we would've worked out. No offence, really! Just, I don't think I could keep up."

"What with world powers crashing our dates?"

"Don't even remind me," Penny said, covering her face with her hand somewhat. But they both ended up laughing, and drawing Heather in when Bill realised that she didn't know what'd happened, and then explaining about the whole incident with the Doctor saying that the first time they'd tried for a date, it'd been crashed by the bloody Pope.

Through trial and error, they still manage to end up having their movie night in, though it's probably nowhere near what they'd first planned for it being, with Penny being the only properly human human left in the room, the three of them watching Guardians of the Galaxy, and the three of them spending half the movie laughing at the inaccuracies - mostly Heather, pointing out that no ship would work without this or that really scientific thing - and singing along to the soundtrack.

It'd been ages since she'd felt this nice, this happy, this at home. Seeing the people she cared about laughing and smiling. She didn't think she'd seen Heather smile about something that wasn't showing her another new part of the universe before, and sometimes something normal, Bill had long since decided, could be really, really important.

The only thing was, there was still something - someone - missing.

...

AN: This was originally meant to have a scene at the end, which was half done when it ended up being deleted by accident. I might still be able to re-write it at some point - I really hope so, because that one scene was most of why I wrote this in the first place. But for now, I like the bits with Bill and Heather enough that I want to share them anyway.

That said, it was also done with the intention of it being slightly AU to the canon episode, wherein the Doctor was fully healed by Bill's space engine oil tear, so he's able to go places a bit before the events of the Christmas Special start. Additionally, the fic ‘Standing By’ is canon to what I’ve written here.

#doctor who #dw stuff #dw fic #Leona fic

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winter-oleander · 7 years

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Some Stuff on What I've Been Up To and Current Projects

Jeepers, I haven't posted anything in forever. Well, here's an update on some stuff, I guess. I've been studying the craft of storytelling for a while now since I am writing a book and would like to write something that is not garbage. Also, I had the worst time trying to figure out how to write a story from start to finish for much of my life. Like, I could come up with concepts for stories all day long and characters, too, no problem. But actually writing an entire story? Most times I'd start and then just get lost and have no idea where to go from there. And even worse was that I had no idea where I was going wrong. But that didn't stop me from continuing to write. It's always been something I enjoyed no matter how little I knew what I was doing. *raises hand* Pantser from birth here. But no more. I discovered story structure. And it blew my goshdang mind. The entire idea of planning a story out at all before writing just blew me away. I could do that? There's guidelines to follow?! Other authors aren't just making it all up as they go along and how to do that is just out there on the web!?! Whaaaaaaat?!?! My brain melted. Just, right out of my nose and off down the street to Why-Was-I-Not-Informed-ville. Like, this just totally devastated me but in the best way possible. Like, "colors are a thing?!" levels of shock. And it still kinda horrifies me that nobody once mentioned this was a thing I could do to me even once while I was growing up. But I can't really blame anyone for that (well, I mean I could, but I won't) because people in general seem to have this weird idea that stories just come into being fully formed. It's the same with all art. Somehow the general public has gotten this idea that talent is this thing you either have or you don't and if you don't there's nothing you can do about it. I mean, I'm sure there are people out there who actually realize that any form of art, including writing, is a skill that can be learned and developed by nearly anyone. (Drawing is a technical skill. Learning that should never have been shocking yet it was to my younger self.) But wherever those individuals are they have never been in my life. Y'all need to speak up and educate all those ignorant people who go around parroting nonsense like "she's so talented!" instead of "she's clearly worked her butt off to be that good!" Because otherwise people all just nod along and never question how creative processes actually work. I'm getting way off topic, though. Story and scene structure, I learned about them and have been developing my grasp of both, slowly but surely. I often feel like I have no idea what I'm doing, yet with each attempt at creating a story I learn more and more and that feeling of confusion and uncertainty lessens. One day soon I will be able to store my notes in a binder on my shelf because I won't need to constantly reference them anymore, and my floor will no longer be a sea of paper piles. Haha. I'll never see the carpet of bedroom again. But at least it'll be because of all the ideas and planning and such that I'm writing rather than because I need to yet again go over the function of the three major plot points or the four quarters of my current narrative or what the hell a pinch point even is why do I need those again oh right. It's 2 am and I am ridiculously proud of the fact that I have learned a thing. Maybe even two. Two whole things. It's astounding. And I am awesome. I learned that thing. Take that, ignorance! But yeah, I've studied and planned out various ideas for stories and written a sea of notes in which my cardboard boxes full of magna drift whilst carrying stacks of the sea upon their cargo. And I think that at last I have gotten enough of the important stuff internalized that I can start actually writing again. Actual prose instead of the condensed / telling form I've been using so I don't go through all of my paper supply in one sitting, destroy my right hand, or waste countless hours rewriting story bits that will ultimately be abandoned because I haven't finished planning the story to the point that everything no longer reads like a transcript of a dream sequence. Actual writing. I'm actually pretty excited for it. I've missed it more than I realized I ever could. And on that note, my current fanfiction projects are two Marvel related things. One is a collection of six Science Bros/Boyfriends/Husbands short stories, each one focusing on an event in a different stage of Tony and Bruce's developing relationship. The majority of the planning is done for the shorts and I'm currently working on the meta narrative that encapsulates the others. I'm also trying to be extra creative and add in some cipher related stuff to the meta narrative because I do love me some cipher related stuff. We'll see how that goes. The second project is a fic that takes place in an AU I've been developing for a little while now. The AU is sort of based on the MCU but with some 616 and other stuff thrown in because I hate myself and like to drown in complexity. This was originally going to be a way more complicated story with far more characters, but I eventually realized I was overloading myself and the narrative and looked for ways to simplify. Fortunately, I found a way to do just that and am quite proud of myself as it's my first time recognizing and solving one of the oldest problems I've repeatedly faced as a writer. Planning for the fic is in an odd early-ish stage due to all the reworking it took to get to this point. But I shall persist and it shall be plotted out in its entirety soon enough! After I've gotten some sleep preferably. The fic takes place pre-Ironman and is about Tony weathering a bad blizzard with only his robots and JARVIS for help while dealing with a young homeless mutant who picked an awkward time to get a nasty cut on her hand while eating out of Tony's garbage. Things aren't so bad at first with the kid turning out to be nearly as big a geek as Tony and all kinds of interesting due to her mutation, though the kid is anxious to be on her way, convinced that horrible things will befall Tony if she lingers too long. When the house loses power along with the rest of the city, Tony finds himself trapped in the dark with the temperature plummeting, supplies dwindling, and a stranger who is much more than she initially seemed. Buy together, Tony and his new housemate may just have what it takes to survive the storm. Assuming the kid doesn't eat him alive first, that is. I've got other projects in the works, including reworking some ancient stuff I started by never finished (I'm looking at you, desert pikachu), but those are on the backburner until I've finished at least one of these two. Hooray for fanfiction being a fun way to develop writing skills! That's about it, so I hope all you lovely people have a wonderful day and enjoy something nice between now and next time. Bye bye!

#writing progress #rant #update on life

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