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stereax · 7 months

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Hello! I am writing a paper for a law school class on transnational courts about the IIHF and NHL-Russia player transfers. I’m starting with the Fedotov mess and looking for a thesis from there. I have found great stuff on litigation from the early 2000s and player transfer agreements with other leagues under previous CBAs but very little current info. I’m also looking for any updates on Fedotov since the IIHF’s ruling in August and Russia ignoring it. I know he’s playing in the KHL now. Did the Flyers just let it go because there isn’t anything they can do? Any help/ideas/resources would be much appreciated!!

I love you for this, so so so much. You've combined just about all of my interests in one ask. I'll give you the very concise version of it here, for public consumption. You might know most of this already, and I'm sorry if this doesn't help that much - but DM me for more info. I can and will go searching with you. Hell, if you want, you can "interview" me via Discord or via DMs here and cite me as a source. (I've done that a lot with my friends for papers hahaha, asked them their thoughts and then cited it.) Under the cut, as always! 💜

As you're probably aware, the IIHF is the leading organizer of ice hockey stuff around the world. I believe it's them that organize the Worlds and World Juniors, and they also have international standards for things like rink size. (Of course, the NHL plays on a nonstandard rink, so...) Importantly, however, the IIHF has very little legal power. It is difficult for them to fully enforce their decisions - especially when it comes to a country that won't listen.

Ivan Fedotov was a seventh-round selection of the Philadelphia Flyers in 2015. He has been playing primarily in the KHL since. In 2021-22, he backstopped CSKA Moscow to the Gagarin Cup (the KHL's version of the Stanley Cup) in what was widely considered a "breakout" year. Following this, in his last year of eligibility, Philadelphia signed him to a one-year entry-level contract (ELC), with the intent of bringing him to Philly and seeing if he could be a good enough goaltender at the NHL level (presumably to be the backup to Carter Hart) or even the AHL level. This is where things get screwy.

Fedotov is arrested shortly after the ELC is signed under the "charge" of avoiding the Russian army draft (understand that this was most likely a politically motivated arrest). He spends the next year at a fairly remote Russian military base, only communicating with the Flyers once in this entire year. He was allowed to continue training part-time, but not to the level he could otherwise have. So the ELC slides one year.

In the summer of 2023, Philly tries to get Fedotov overseas again... only to find that he's signed a two-year deal with CSKA Moscow. Now, the NHL and KHL used to have transfer agreements, but the NHL cut these agreements after the Russian invasion of Ukraine. However, Fedotov has two contracts, and he clearly can't play in two places at once. What happens?

The IIHF steps in, and decides that Fedotov's ELC with Philly should be honored - and that he and CSKA Moscow were not allowed to sign a contract with the ELC in place. They ban Fedotov from playing for 4 months and CSKA Moscow from being able to sign non-domestic players (international transfers) for one year.

Before I continue, something to be aware of with sports in Russia: certain teams are sponsored by the state and oligarchs far more than others. This is true with Russian soccer and also true with Russian football. CSKA Moscow, in particular, is one of the most-supported teams and is notable for its ties with the Russian army. Its dominance during the Soviet era was because it could literally draft the best hockey players (and I mean draft as in draft like for the army). It's currently owned by Rosneft, an oil company that's majority owned by the Russian government. (SKA Saint Petersburg is another of these highly-supported teams, for what that's worth.)

So CSKA Moscow, sort of predictably, flips off the IIHF. And starts Fedotov. In their first game. The IIHF can't really do much - it hits CSKA Moscow with a 5000 CHF fine (laughable) and threatens to refer it, and Fedotov, to the IIHF Disciplinary Board if they keep doing it. They keep doing it. Of course. The KHL's president claims that the 4-month ban threatens Fedotov's Russian constitutional right to work and that they will thusly disregard the ruling. As of November 2nd, Fedotov is still playing in the KHL - he just recorded a shutout, actually.

The Flyers really can't do much, outside of pressure the IIHF, which has little concrete power, to levy more punishments (and the IIHF has gone quiet about this too). Philly could try to, theoretically, smuggle Fedotov out of Russia a la Malkin, but you can only imagine what the Russian government will do to Fedotov and his family if he tries to defect. Especially because Fedotov's what, 26? 27? And goalies don't tend to have a long shelf life. Even if he came to the States, and played some games in the NHL, would those precious few years be worth the wellbeing of him and his family? Probably not. Again, since the NHL and KHL no longer have a transfer agreement, Philly and CSKA Moscow would have to come to terms on their own - and CSKA Moscow isn't keen on giving up their current star tendy to play in likely the AHL.

And remember, Philly also has Matvei Michkov now. Whose father recently died under "mysterious circumstances". And it's rumored those circumstances had to do with Michkov's father trying to terminate his son's KHL contract to send him to America sooner. That's also a factor here that must be considered - is it better to play nice with the KHL now and give up on Fedotov to be able to bring Michkov stateside?

The situation is incredibly complicated; unfortunately, there seems to be no easy end in sight, and probably very little chance of Fedotov seeing NHL ice in his career. The war in Ukraine also complicates this, and that is currently locked at a stalemate, so... good luck there.

Alright, that's my little lecture. If you need anything else, do DM me! I can see what else I can do as well :)

#stereanswers #stereanalysis #stereducation #ivan fedotov #philadelphia flyers #cska moscow

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youn9racha · 1 year

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hey...

hi... how y'all doing?...

you probably reading this:

alright, so lemme explain my long ass absence and where have i been the past few days (totally not four months) since i've last updated on this site.

so i've unintentionally gone mia due to certain events that occurred irl that led to me going inactive here. mind you, i come from a country where they literally banned tumblr as an app so i'd have to access it through safari/my laptop, so sometime logging in can easily be forgetful when you're consumed by surroundings.

so where have i been?

nowhere really. I've just been hung up on uni because, as i've mentioned in a previous post, this year has been hectic academically speaking. i'm a junior going into senior, as shown by the fact that yesterday was my last day as a junior. needless to say that i escaped that battle with scars on my body over how much workload i had to endure and how mentally and physically draining things were going but thankfully i came out alive, in spite of my thoughts of attempting, i pushed through and managed to escape.

another reason was that i recently lost a dear family member of mine. i won't get into it much as i'm still healing from this but this family member recently passed away and i have yet to recover from it and still am reeling from it, so focusing on writing and working have just been difficult to maintain, which kills the drive of productivity. i am lucky however that i do have a support system that allows me to heal as well as i could, without any pressure and speeding things up.

this post does feel like an excuse for something so minute, but i'm really just explaining my case. after all, i could just post another bang chan smut and it won't any difference. its not like i'm a celebrity or anything, but i still do feel like explaining myself without giving myself away.

i don't know whether i'll continue writing on here or not, i may or may not, but i lean maybe i'll continue but only time will tell. and even if i did, i'll probably not be as active as i used to be like last year or the year before. and don't get me wrong, i still very much love stray kids. i have lost interest in kpop altogether (i still listen to kpop ofc but i just don't stan any groups anymore, nor do i have an interest in stanning any other groups) but stray kids is the only group that i have a great interest in, and still stan. bang chan is still the main standard of man to me, so much so that my close friends always associate me with him and joke that he's my bf.

so yeah, thats really all to it. i might make a twitter for me to interact with people here instead of disappearing every now and then, but don't take my word for it lmfao.

anyways, yeah im done bitching.

byyeee

#ella’s ramblingzzz

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thefallenbibliophilequote · 3 years

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Shake It Off

Loki x Reader

1989, chapter 6

"She danced to forget him"

Summary: It's hard to find the one, but even if you do find him it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work. Can you even make it work after he broke your heart? The answer to that is complicated, but it all started when you found each other again in the Stark Tower- and that's where our story begins.

Word count: 2,404

Warnings: as always language, Hydra, angst, mentions of and alludes to sex.

A/N: I really hope this series won't flop because I wrote all of the chapters before I started posting, and like I put so much of myself in this series- I just really hope it'll go well. This chapter is shorter because but it is much needed. I didn't post last week bc of the writers content freeze week, so here it is.

A/N2: the dividers were made by the awesome @chrissquares and @nacho-bucky beta read all of it!

No one is allowed to repost my writing or steal or copy my work! Reblog on tumblr is fine.

Series masterlist

Song on Spotify and YouTube

Steve's arms were around you as your tears stained his shirt, it must have been midnight by now. You came to his doorstep a little after Loki left you again. You knew what you were in for the second you agreed to the temporary bliss that he gave you, but you didn't expect all these old emotions to come back when he would leave you.

"I thought I'll be able to handle it. I thought it'll be worth the rush."

"It's alright darling, I know." You didn't see the angry frown between his eyebrows or his clenched jaw. He couldn't let the anger on the god get the best of him right now, you needed him more now- you needed comfort in a friend. After everything that happened, you knew you would always find safety in his embrace.

"Steve, did you know what he is?" you murmured into his neck a little while later.

"What do you mean?" pulling back he took a good look at your face, and you knew he could see every tear stain on your face and you wished you could hide yourself from him.

"That he is…" you didn't quite know how to describe it, your mind a bit fuzzy. "Blue."

"Oh, yeah we knew that."

"Wait, everyone knew that?" he started to rub your arm, the soft touch made your skin prickling from the cold with goose bumps spreading all over.

"There are a lot of things about him that you don't know Y/N, I really was just trying to protect you from him and from this pain." You nodded at him.

"I wish I'd listened to you sooner. I can't believe I didn't know anything, what else is there?"

You saw his mouth gape but no words came out.

"It's a lot, I'll tell you some other time." By the look on his face you knew you won't be getting any answers now. Nodding, you put your head back down.

"Can I stay here tonight?" you sniffled and thanked him for the tissues he gave you with a smile. You couldn't hear the answer he gave you between blowing your nose. "Can you repeat that please?"

He laughed at you but answered regardless, you were too adorable to deny.

"Of course, kid."

•

The loud beat made it hard for you to hear Natasha who was standing right next to you. It's been a couple of weeks now, and the noisy distraction of the club worked perfectly to take your mind off of anything else.

"What did you say?" you covered the top of the glass in your hand with your other hand, leaning forward to Nat.

"I said maybe we should get out of here, it's already pretty late and Wanda is drunk and you know what happens when she is drunk-"

"Things start to float and gravity is non-existent, yeah I know." You looked around the club, your eyes catching that of a dark eyed handsome man. "The two of you can go; I can take care of myself."

When you saw the two of them walk outside you went towards the beautiful gentleman.

Waking up to the sunshine you looked back at the sleeping man next to you, happy to find him still asleep you groaned at the headache when you got up. You collected your clothes from the floor, panicking for a second when he started to wake up but you quickly put him under, and you were out of the door soon after.

They never stayed, but neither did you. You heard the things people started saying about you in the Tower when they saw you coming back in the morning mostly alongside a sweaty Bucky who was back from a run and a worried Steve who tried to stay silent about how you were dealing with everything that happened.

They didn't like the amount of guys you hooked up with and left a day or so later. To you it was a nice pace but you knew the high of the alcohol and sex wouldn't last long, you needed something different. Plus, it wasn't your fault that they weren't interesting enough.

"Agent Y/N?" you heard the voice behind you coming into the room you sat in with Sam, planning the next stakeout.

"Yes? Oh hi Mike, what have you got for us?" the guy smiled at you and nodded towards the falcon.

"I have the schematics of the whole area that Agent Romanoff asked me to bring you." He handed you the folded papers and when your fingers lightly brushed his it was as if a light bulb lit up in your head.

Sitting back down you leaned forward with a smile.

"So, you said Natasha sent you to bring me these papers?" he nodded at you and you handed the papers to Sam. "Well that's very nice of you and I actually wanted to speak to you so it's a nice coincidence. Would you like to go out to dinner sometimes?"

Sam choked on his drink and made a lazy excuse to get out of the room.

"Really, you want to go out with me?" You couldn't help but actually find him cute when he wasn't as shy now as usual.

"Yeah, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to." He flashed you a smile at that, and that's how it all started.

•

It was a month later when you walked with Mike down a park with ice cream cones in your hands. He intertwined your free hands together.

Looking at him now, it was simple to see that he is sensible and incredibly nice too, you knew he is everything a girl could dream of getting.

The two of you were close now to the Tower and the charming guy that he is he opened up the door for you to walk in first. When you were inside you kissed him goodbye as he headed back to his department from his break that he spent with you.

You turned around, only to notice Steve leaning back against the wall of the elevator, waiting for it. You cleared your throat when you got closer, not looking forward to have a talk with Steve that surely will come.

It started the moment the elevator doors closed behind the two of you.

"So, you've been dating this guy for about a month now, right?" he started casually and you only nodded.

"Mike seems like a really good guy actually, I know you didn't want to talk with me about him especially after-"

"After what?" you scoffed. "After Loki left? I have Mike now, and he is much better than him."

"Well it's good to hear you're happy now. He reminds me of the guys back in my time."

"Old?"

"Gentlemen."

"Well he is, it's only been a month but I couldn't have asked for anything better."

"According to Tony, he is an excellent employee too." The smirk on his face didn't go unnoticed.

"You did a background check on him? You can't just do that!"

"Stark and I just wanted to see some stuff. Plus, he is Tony's employee so he can do background checks anytime he likes."

"You guys are horrible." You grumbled and attempted to punch Steve's shoulder but it ended up hurting your fist. You huffed in frustration when he laughed at you.

•

Another month went by and you found yourself keeping busy whether it was with training, or missions or going out with Mike and your friends. This week though was blank of anything to do. Steve banned you from the gym, saying that you're working out too much, which caused the stubborn father and daughter to spar with the loser doing whatever the winner wanted them to do. Bucky looked exasperated at the two of you from the sides, and you heard a Thank God being murmured when Steve finally pinned you to the ground and won.

In your room you decided to clean it up a bit. By cleaning you really mean redesigning your whole room while making a total mess and reminiscing on old stuff. Going through your dresser you found some old jewelry boxes, opening one you saw old stuff you used to wear and sorting through them would probably be for the best.

That's when there was a knock at your door, turning around you saw Mike standing there.

"Oh hi, what are you doing here?"

"Captain Rogers let me up, I just wanted to see you and ask if you wanted to maybe come to my apartment after work?"

"Sorry about the mess, I'm in the middle of cleaning." You left the box jumped over piles of things to reach him and give him a soft kiss. "Yeah sure that sounds great."

"I know we said that we would take this slow, but I was kind of hoping we could take this to the next level." A boyish grin spread on his face and you felt gentle kisses as he nestled his face in your throat. "What do you say?"

"Yes. I'd love that." You kissed him back then until he had to go back to work.

Quickly, you closed all the boxes and put them back in their place, forgetting all about reorganizing. Now you have a more exciting thing to do.

•

You woke up the next day to a soft snoring behind you, and an arm wrapped around your waist. The sun was barely out yet, leaving the room with a small glow of orange and red.

You saw your dress on the floor of his room and felt the soft sheets covering you, shivering you pulled them closer and tried to close your eyes to get a little bit more rest.

"Are you sure, darling?" Loki had asked you then when the two of you were barely dressed and breathing heavily between kisses.

"I'm more than sure, Loki I want you." He stopped kissing your neck and pulled back which made you whine and pull at his shoulders.

"Do you think you can handle a god, my love?" you wished you could wipe out the smirk on his face, which is what you did when you pulled yourself up to claim his lips with yours.

"I've handled you this far, so for the love of the gods just fuck me, please." You whimpered at the end of the sentence when you felt his hands start to roam your skin.

"As you wish, my dear." Loki will forever give you anything you ask for.

You woke up with the sunshine painting the room golden as you backed up against the warm chest behind you. You've never felt this warm before, with the man who took over your heart and soul and the love marks he left on you- claiming you. You could still feel the bliss from last night engulfing you with him in this room.

"Did you sleep well?" you turned to the dark haired prince who held a smile that matched yours. Sleep still hang between his eyes.

"Perfect." He pulled you in and suddenly you weren't tired anymore.

The man next to you was still asleep when he changed his position, turning to his other side. You sank deeper into the bed, letting the memories drown you until sleep took over.

•

Yet another month flew by and you could barely remember any of it. Yes there were some successful missions against Hydra, and there were some less successful ones too. In between you went on more dates with Mike and he definitely helped you.

"So I planted a virus in his computer that changed all of his autocorrect!" you burst out laughing at the end of his story.

"And you did all of that because he stole your girl?" he nodded and you laughed harder. "No one can steal a girl, a girl leaves if she wants to. If she left you for someone else then she didn't deserve you."

Your hand was on his thigh and he put his over it with a small chuckle.

"Maybe, but I am certainly not going to let you go." He kissed your knuckles. "I've liked you for a long time you know, and not just as a colleague."

"So I've been told."

"Oh?"

"Natasha told me a little while ago, sometime before we got together. I must say I didn't notice until she said that."

"Well I am offended, oh you hurt me deeply Y/N." you pushed him away from you but brought him back for a quick peck on his cheek."

"Do you forgive me now?" he pondered about it.

"I think I might need a little more."

"I'm sure we can arrange that." Leaning in again, the phone began to ring and he leaned his forehead against yours.

"That's work."

"Always comes in the way."

"Speaks the girl who goes to week long missions!" he stood and went back a few steps.

"You chose to date that girl from your free will!"

•

You've been together for almost half a year now… shy two or three months. You couldn't help thinking how this is probably the guy that you needed, someone steady who took good care of you and made you feel cared for. He never was late, and always so attentive listening to every word you said. How can you need anything more? That was a question that pestered your brain, trying to find reason in your numb heart.

You always smiled around him, and Steve obviously approved judging from the amount of time he let him go into the Avengers quarters. You knew you were attracted to him. It was hard not to be. And yet, it wasn't just there yet- it wasn't like it was with him. It must be a good thing though.

•

"Is this all you got?"

"Sir, you have to understand- we didn't have much time to get all that we needed, we still don't know a lot." Doctor Zazu sighed at the small bunch of paper in front of him.

"Very well, for now we will work on the safe room- you better take care of it. I have enough work working on the formula for the asset." The agents nodded and the doctor turned around to look at the chair, the similarities were uncanny but he improved it, now he is sure this will work- there is no other option.

•

Tags: @ayybtch @buckys-other-punk @chaoticpete @madcrazy50 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @the-departed-potato @rogerrhqpsody @onceupona-happilyeverafter-love @percabethismyotp14

#loki x reader #my writing #1989 #shake it off #1989 taylor's version #1989 loki's version #loki #loki odinson x reader #loki odinson #loki imagines #fanfiction #loki fanfic #loki series #loki laufeyson #loki show

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kachulein · 3 years

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The day Tumblr decides to fix its bugs and shit I swear I'll hold a party for all my followers 😭😭 and it's okay!! You don't have to be sorry, I was just worried because I thought something happened to you but knowing that you're doing fine makes me happy ❤️❤️ And talking about my exams... Well, I did my best LMAO I'm still waiting for my scores to be posted because yes my teachers are lazy af and need a whole and entire month to write the scores on the app🙂

Ooohh I've heard so many good things about acupuncture treatment!! My dad took one session to control his anxiety and he liked it quite a lot. What a pity that I'm a coward and am afraid of needles🤡 I'm shaking for when I have to get the vaccine LMAO Everyone be out there being scared because of the vaccine and here I am being scared because of a fucking needle 🤡🤡 And I'm so sorry to hear that you got all the side effects of the vaccine 😣😣 I really hope you're feeling better now❤️❤️ I still have to wait until the end of July/beginning of August to get mine😔 How did your exams go?? I remember you told me the other day you did well on one of them!! 👏🏻👏🏻 I'm sure you nailed them❤️❤️

It's been already 1 year and a half since the last time I could see them😭 Fortunately before covid arrived I could meet them all in Thailand (my uncle lives there) during Christmas because if not it would have been 2 years 😭 And about the ideas of writing... Well... I think I should get banned from watching videos about idols LMAO every time I watch a comeback or something an idea for a fic pops up in my mind and I end up with 382773 ideas on my notebook LMAO

IKR😭 The feelings both of them hold in the song UGH😭😭 It makes me sob🤧

About those two new groups... I just saw the MVs... O H M Y F U C K I N G G O D 🙂 BOWKHLUDQHFIYDQ THEY'RE AMAZING🤩🤩 What's happening with nowadays rookies😭

I've been really into sf9 lately, like REALLY INTO🤧 And actually really into their company groups aka Nflying and P1Harmony 🤧 like have you watched the it's live for Moonshot of Nflying?? HOW ARE THEY SO GOOD😭 And then there's P1Harmony with two amazing albums I can't stop singing and dancing to🙂 what do they eat to be all swaggy and perfect being literally babies? I want to know because I'm older than all of them and all I have done in my life is manage to not burn the kitchen while heating my glass of milk before going to bed🤡🤡

Omg yes right, pls fix the bugs tumblr😭😭😭 and thank you so much for understanding!!😭💖 I didn't mean to worry you :( I wrote a long ass answer and rambled on like always and tumblr just decided to eat the ask, I'm really sorry :(

I hope you're doing good yourself and have you gotten your exam grades already? I'm sure you did amazing!!🥺💖💖 I can honestly feel you so much because it's the same for us as well. It usually takes 3 weeks for us to get our exam results, so I'll probably have to wait another two weeks to see how I've done... I really hope it was good alkfleldksld (and I meant to tell you that I think it went well but I don't have the result yet so I'm not sure yet,,, but thank you so much!!😭💖)

I'm so glad the acupuncture helped your dad managing his anxiety! Anxiety is one of the main reasons I get acupuncture treatments and I slowly start to see an improvement with less panic attacks and being able to handle the anxiety better.🥺 I'm sorry to hear you're scared of needles :( I know it's not really helping but the acupuncture needles are so thin you pretty much don't feel anything.🥺👉🏻👈🏻 And lemme tell you something funny, I had an another session yesterday and got some needles in my butt-😂 I really hope getting the vaccine won't be too bad for you😭💖 I've recovered from the sife effects again and I'm feeling a lot better now and knowing that I'm already protected for around 88% makes me feel a lot more safe, so I hope it will be good for you in the end, too!!🥺 After getting the vaccine at the end of July/beginning of August will you be able to go back home to see your family in August already?🥺💞 And omg, that's been such a long time :( I'm sorry you haven't been able to see them for so long :( You must be so happy to finally be able to reunite with them again. I hope you'll have an amazing time!!🥺💖

Omg akxksso I can see how that's a struggle but I also think it's admirable how creative you are and how you find writing inspiration in everything! That's so cool and something you can be proud of!!🥺 I used to always dream up scenarios in my head when falling asleep and ended up making them into fics😂👉🏻👈🏻

And yes, right!! I agree. I love their voices so much!!😭🥺 And omg yes, these rookies nowadays are so powerful😭😍 I'm really looking forward to their future comebacks.💞 And omgggg although, I don't stan these groups I know them and listen to their songs and I can only agree!🥺 I've just watched the it's Live version for N.Flying's Moonshot and god, it's so good and their voices are *chef's kiss*👌🏻 I also gotta say, N.Flying has absolutely amazing songs anyway! They're often those songs I listen to on repeat.😭😭😭 Rooftop is my absolute fave!!💖 Also fun fact, while answering this ask, I was listening to P1Harmony (Scared - such an amazing song), so I can totally feel you!! And on the age thing🤡 I feel you, again🤡 For me, it's the same with Enhypen. They're all younger than me and I feel like a good for nothing grandma👵 looking at them-😂😂😂

#key201303💞#lovely mooties💞#ask

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justinsdaysinthedark · 5 years

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Post # 6 - It is what it is

I'd be lying if I said I haven't spent the past half an hour with tears flowing from my eyes staring at a blank screen wondering how I'm going to get everything I've got floating in my head out. I suppose listening to Coldplay live in Argentina probably wasn't the best choice of music to set the mood. I'll work on that one in the future...

Where do I start? It's been a question I'm often asking myself at the start of these blog posts and it's certainly not the easiest one. What do you guys know? There's been so much happen since my last post on Thursday night.

Friday July 26th: I saw my doctors around lunchtime who came in quite concerned. Whilst they were confident my lymphoma was one called DLBCL (Diffuse Large B- Cell Lymphoma), some tests had come back with suspect results that it could be a more aggressive and harsh type of lymphoma called Burkitt's lymphoma and if confirmed, chemo was starting that night with no time to waste. There was also one marked in the middle (a cross of the two) called Burkitt's Like Lymphoma which is treated similarly to DLBCL. Whatever it was, I couldn't change it. I just wanted answers and if treatment needed to start, let's get it underway!

Adam, my incredible haematology doctor sent off another test of my gall bladder to finally get the confirmation I was after. It was urgent. He had to know. It was reassuring of Adam to state "Justin, we need to know what this is. Preliminary results are due back later this afternoon and that will hopefully rule out Burkitt's. if it is Burkitt's, we'll start chemo tonight and I'll be with you every step of the way - even if I have to stay back a few hours."

I know doctors earn a fair coin on a lazy day, but how many give you that much confidence that you and your health is important to them? I'm going to have it a guess and say not many but alas, I am so incredibly lucky with the team of doctors I have.

4:00pm and Adam strolls in the door heading straight for my room. My heart drops, similarly to what it had when Michael dropped the news I had lymphoma. "Good news. Preliminary results are back and we're confident it's not Burkitt's. You can't rule out anything in life, so there still is a small chance it could be. We're happy to wait for the final results on Monday, figure out a treatment plan from there and start Chemotherapy next week. Spend Saturday and Sunday on day leave and I'll see you next week."

This was news to my ears. In a time of what has been negative or no news, I could spend the weekend with family relatively freely and forget everything was happening for a few hours each day. My Uncle Bob and Aunty Denise were down from Tasmania to see me, as was my Aunty AJ and cousins from Bairnsdale so it all felt like it fit into place.

Friday night saw me considerably more relaxed with this news...that was until Collingwood started and it was the demolition it was. Slightly humorous side note, the nurse came in around 9pm for my nightly observations. Naturally, my heart rate was up a bit more than normal watching the football (118BPM - normally between 70-85BPM). This caused the nurse to call in the team of doctors who wanted to put me on an ECG machine for the night and monitor my heart. I assured them it was because Collingwood were on and if they gave me an hour, I'd be okay. It took some convincing, but it finally worked. Back they came an hour later and it had gone down - crisis averted.

Saturday afternoon and evening was wonderful. I went down to dads for dinner and was fortunate enough to spend some much needed time with family over a beautiful dinner and good laugh.

Sunday was much the same. I went home, mum did a fair chunk of washing for me as I spent it being me. Seeing Courtney, napping in my own bed and even headed over to Fountain Gate and got some much needed new clothes and other miscellaneous items - something that seems so simple but is such a luxury when you've spent the past 15 days in hospital.

Monday July 29th: They say the more you think positively, the more positive news you shall receive....or it goes something like that right? I woke up this morning the most upbeat and best I'd felt in weeks. I felt fine. I felt no pain, almost like I'd woken up from a shitty hotel! In all honesty, I felt like I'm abusing the system however I keep being quickly reminded how much I need to be here. Did I wake up so positive because I lived my old life for 16 hours over the weekend? Is it because I was hoping to hear a reasonably positive outcome with this lymphoma test? Probably a mix of both if I'm honest. But whatever it was, I was hopeful.

Adam came around at roughly 10:00am. Didn't really have much for me in terms of news but more of an outline of the day. If they hear the results of the test they were waiting on, they'd write me up a treatment plan ASAP and get chemo started this afternoon. At worst, I'd be starting it tomorrow (Tuesday). They just needed that definitive answer of what type of lymphoma I have - an answer I'd love more than anybody.

Either way, we agreed i'd need a PICC (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) line in which basically is a long-term cannula. It runs from the inside of my arm right up and around and stops basically just outside my heart. This is for easy access for the chemotherapy and even an easy exit for blood tests - something that's proven incredibly difficult to take from me over the past few days. Additionally, these lines can last up to six months verses the three days you get from a cannula. There were too many positives to say no to!

This wasn't scheduled for any time in particular, so 1:00pm came around and I was about to be taken to get the PICC line in.

Just as I was about to leave, Adam came in with a few words I'm all too familiar with. "Well, the pathology tests we were waiting on have come back inconclusive..."

Woah. Wait. What? How do tests of my gall bladder that was removed six days ago come back inconclusive? How does one of the main sources not have enough 'data' to tell them what sort of lymphoma I have? I was just stunned.

Adam continued "As a result, we can see some signs of Burkitt's lymphoma and that's what we're going to treat you for. You're young. You should be able to handle it and it's better to over treat you than under treat and be stuck where we are at the moment. It's an intense 16-day chemo treatment that will totally wipe out your red and white blood cells as well as your platelets. We foresee you being in here for another 3-5 weeks, depending on how well your body goes getting these levels back up to normal post this first treatment..."

I honestly say this but that's all I remember from this conversation. I was hoping I'd be heading home this week but looks like that definitely won't be happening. Today marks day 40 of the past 55 days in hospital (day 15 of this stint) and if I go off the longest suggested time expected, I have another 35 days to go. That honestly crushed me.

I got taken down to get my PICC line in - quite an easy process. Very similar to putting in a larger cannula, just a whole lot longer and uses local anaesthetic as well as being guided by an ultrasound and X-ray. I'm lucky enough to have two ports, which will hopefully speed up some of my medication and how much they can pump in. Does it feel weird? The only weird part was feeling it slide down past and near my heart - but that's okay now!

By the time I return, dad made his was in to try and help process the news. We get Adam in to once again explain the process. In layman's terms, I'll be starting an intense and high-dose 16-day chemotherapy program kicking off tomorrow (Tuesday) morning. Most of the time across the next 16 days, I'll be hooked up via IV drip getting whatever medication is required. I think I saw I have rest days on days 7 & 8 which I suppose will give me two days to look forward to. At the end of the day, it's something I'm not certain on and will be a day by day process and constant learning about what's going into my body to help fight with me.

I do have one request for you all. With my body not producing red or white blood cells or platelets over the next few weeks, I do request if you are planning to visit however are sick to stay away those extra few days. With my immune system going to be at the lowest it's been, I don't particularly want to pick up something I don't need. Additionally, as much as I'd love flowers, they're also banned due to the infection risk of the spores mixing with the chemotherapy and causing some dangerous damage from the inside.

At the end of the day, if you're not sure please message me and check as I'm not entirely sure myself about everything. I'm constantly learning as I'm going.

How am I feeling? I'm nervous. I'm nervous at the unknown. How will this affect me? How bad am I going to feel? Will I lose my hair? What will my energy levels be like? In advance, I do apologise if over the next few weeks I'm not myself. Truth be told, that's because I probably won't be.

In a way, i'm finally excited to start my treatment first thing tomorrow morning (after yet ANOTHER lumbar puncture). I was so envious of both people next to me getting their first rounds of chemo today. I know mine will be intense but I just can't wait.

I've learnt so much about cancer and chemotherapy over the past four days and I know there's so much more to learn. Today I learnt I'll be incredibly highly cytotoxic, which basically means all needles and anything used on me need to go in a separate bin just for me. Additionally, I'll have to get used to the good old double flush after the toilet to ensure all waste is disposed of. Mouth ulcers are a big issue with most chemo patients as well. I'll have to start brushing my teeth after every meal and taking a special mouthwash 3x daily to assist with keeping these under control. There's plenty of other little things, but they're two I least expected.

Everything really hit me last night....not like it did tonight though. I just had twenty minutes to reflect and it just became a sudden realisation. What I'm going through is real. It's not a 'joke' anymore. It's not something they're looking at as a potential cause. It is the cause. I have a legitimate medical issue and it's finally time to fight lymphoma. All well and good to be talking the talk like I have been - it's now time to walk the walk. This sits well with me. If I give somebody my word, I do whatever I can to get it achieved. Unfortunately for the lymphoma throughout my body I've given it my word and it's time to fight it. Round one begins tomorrow morning.

I leave tonight feeling a whole lot better than I did when I started tonight's post. I didn't learn from my words earlier as Coldplay live from Argentina is still playing however I'm in a much more comfortable mind space.

My best friend of a lazy 20 years, Dylan visited tonight with his partner, Jacqui. One phrase popped up more than most and they made me aware it was a common phrase coming out of my mouth.

"It is what it is."

I can't control what's happened to me as "it is what it is." What I can control from here though is how I fight lymphoma. Thanks for the visit tonight guys, I appreciated the two hours spent here in what's been an incredibly tough afternoon.

Much love.

Juzz xx

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