#I've had a lot of therapy since then | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

beskad · 3 months

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#ohhhh #this is also PROBABLY partially because i FOOLISHLY had a glass of wine yesterday smh how dare i #i cannot drink at all. AT ALL. on this medication.#and i still have 2 weeks of it before i stop taking the pills #and another 2 after that before it's out of my system #like SHOULD i ever go back to killing a full bottle of wine in one sitting? no. obviously. 2014-2019 me had a problem lmao #I've had a lot of therapy since then #but I'd like to have 1 damn glass with dinner or friends without wanting to die #I'm down to a half a glass of wine a month and it's still too much while on this medication. and honestly lately ive even skipped that #but i reaaaaaaaally wanted a small glass yesterday while we were eating takeout and then cleaning #i didn't even finish it #and I'm already paying for it #the most fun part of this is that this medication I've been on for like 9-10 months didn't even help #just loaded me up with side effects and pain and no depression relief #so i love that for me #tbd I'm just so freaking tired and this broken filling/tooth is freaking me out and i hate hate HAAAAATE the dentist #tbd

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abyssalhuntersnerd · 8 months

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And what do you, lost hunter, dream about?

#my art #arknights #specter #specter arknights #YIPPE I WAS ABLE TO ACTUALLY FINISH IT AND POST IT!!!! THANK YOU DAD FOR DRIVING ME BY THE ART STORE I OWE YOU ONE!!!!!#I don't really have an explanation for this one other than therapy is expensive and violence is the answer but it is illegal #I've been wanting to draw something like this for a good while and I'm really happy with it #the hands and the face really hit the spot and I only used reference for the hands which is great #it's been two months since I last drew something but I still got it my arm is still hurting but :^)#I might not be able to do much but I try ;;#I used a lot of new techniques for this and it has been awesome #I think I just had a really good art day sisodhiddjdiduv #finished fish art

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elainewellspoetry · 3 months

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In all of my nightmares, I have been forgotten about | 3.4.24

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heartshattering · 1 month

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5 AM

Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃

#hopefully the meds work but while waiting for them to kick in I get so damn nervous #and sometimes I do get nights where even on my full dose my anxiety is too overpowering and I just. Do Not Sleep #I mean I do eventually but not without spiraling first :')#way before I was prescribed sleep meds my longest was 3 nights without sleep while on a VERY stressful trip #I felt like I was gonna die and I did not sleep until I got off the plane and was back at home #(this was like 15 years ago already but it still haunts me fhfgsgdh)#my best friend and I were having a conversation today #and she was like 'not sleeping can make you hallucinate right?'#and I was like :') I get the hallucinations in other scenarios too #BUT I also get what she meant #not sleeping is really bad for me mentally which is why I can't do 'sleep restriction therapy'#and fun fact #a lot of my OCD obsessions revolve around sleep!!!#which is 'awesome' because laying in bed with insomnia makes my OCD flare up so like #the two get to feed off each other and make my life a living hell!!!#and don't even get me started on my sleep paralysis episodes #(which I like to think of as just my brain misfiring but that my aunt tells me is saints or demons trying to talk to me)#'cause she hallucinates too but hers are like 'spiritual' or whatever #same with my mom's hallucinations as well #and to add fuel to the dumpster fire of my mind and body is the fact I've been overcaffeinating again #which I've known not to do ever since I was in middle school and saw the pediatric cardiologist who specifically said 'hey don't do that'#fast-forward to adulthood and I still haven't learned how to handle anything #like. I have heart meds and sleep meds and migraine meds and IBS meds #and yes meds are good but like. I know you need to incorporate lifestyle changes as well #which I do for like 2 weeks until the next time I fuck up #I've been so irresponsible lately but like. ESPECIALLY today #didn't eat #took some meds on an empty stomach and forgot to take my other ones at all #had too much caffeine #stressed out over some stupid situations thanks to overthinking

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honeysuckledreams · 12 days

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Also since I am being too personal and there is a slim chance one or two members from that old college friend group might see this, in bombshell news Ren and I are no longer friends, and Ren and Fed (now Fae) are divorced. Ren and I ended late December 2022, so it's been 1.5 years and I am finally, finally starting to feel better.

In my version, I couldn't emotionally support Ren through their divorce anymore, and I needed a break from talking about it literally 4x a week. They found out I talked to Fae about the divorce after I set that boundary with them (because that was the third time Fae ever asked for insight about the divorce, and it was still almost too much) and Ren ghosted me! My best friend of seven years ghosted me because I set a boundary and wasn't capable of emotionally supporting them anymore. We literally talked every single day for our whole friendship before that point.

After 2 months of occasionally reaching out to them and getting radio silence, I ended our friendship. The ending was mutual in the last conversation we had.

#Shit sucks #I was literally planning on having them as a life partner and living with them since I was 18 #But it happens #And honestly my life is a lot better now #I never really felt like I could be happy around them or talk about my life when it was good because they were always so sad #And they were always having a really really hard time #And I wanted to support them but I didn't want to be in a hard spot myself #And it felt like we could only connect on shitty things #By the end I did not recognize them at all #And from how they have acted and what they have said after and how they see themselves is just #I have no idea who this person is #And I never realized how much they hid from me #That friendship ending is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do #That was all of my 2023 just recovering from that friendship ending #I went to therapy specifically because of it #Anyway #I've wanted to kind of let people who knew us know but I can't do that lol #So talking into the void feels good #But losing Ren and Fyo devastated me #I still talk to Julia P Fae and Olwen though #I love all of them a lot and I am really happy we are still friends #Celestia says stuff #It honestly was a bit of a blessing that they ghosted me even though it was utterly devastating and broke my heart like nothing else #Because any other ending would have been so much harder #It was (mostly) clean and quiet and quick #And I just don't think we could have been friends anymore with how they were acting and treating people #So

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anirudhpisharody · 1 month

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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much #it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with #i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown #friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any #close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it #would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely #i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with #other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes #it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know #like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk #to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that #i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that #it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have #more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i #don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so #they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine #wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine #and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom #which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn #anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed #i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight #shut up hanna

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scarletcomet · 1 month

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scrolling through instagram and it's making me want to die

#i know instagram doesn't represent ppls real lives #but that doesnt change the fact that i don't have many friends who care about me #and almost everyone my year is graduating and celebrating #i am so fucking lonely. i don't think any of my school friends miss me #24 days self-harm free but i might say fuck it and relapse tonight #why though? i guess i just need some way to express how im feeling inside. or maybe it's to punish myself or because im feeling worthless #it's been over a year now since i first reached out to professionals for help for this depressive episode #over a year and im still as lost as ever. i know im doing so much better than i was but i still feel so awful every single day #i feel like i still need to be doing a lot better before i can go back to school #i feel so stuck and hopeless. i know I've made so much progress but i don't feel as if ill be able to make anymore progress #i feel like I've hit a wall and ive tried everything #my therapist told me to just keep eating sleeping and getting movement in everyday and be patient #ive been going on walks every day for like 2 weeks now and i dont feel any difference #seeing my psychiatrist wednesday and im hoping she will have an idea of what to do #i hope it's not just slightly adjusting my meds or even just trying a different antidepressant (not many left i haven't tried)#i also worry that im not bad enough for more intensive treatments like ECT or ketamine #if she tells me that i just need more therapy or another group i might just fucking end it #idk like i kinda feel like im fine and there's nothing wrong with me but at the same time i always am feeling so fucking depressed #i have had so much improvement but honestly part of me wishes i was still actively suicidal #idk what to do

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clowngremlin · 1 month

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it's kind of like amazing what being properly medicated and like leaving ur house and doing things with other people and like being a part of ur community can do for ur mental health.....

#the wretched gremlin strikes again #like i went on the group outing for the mental health centre club house yesterday and i had group therapy today #and i go to events at the cinema and like the guys at the cinema know me by name #and the people at the pharmacy know me and always ask how i'm doing when i'm in there even when i'm not getting my prescriptions #and like i used to have pretty bad social anxiety and i've noticed since i was put on the zoloft my social anxiety is basically like gone #and like i talk to my neighbours and stuff when i'm out with my dad and the dog #it's kind of wild just how much better i'm doing now compared to like last year #also like i'm being given access to like resources #like the mental health centre club house can help me access housing support and like job support and other supports #like learning how to cook and other programs like the social things and the exercise program and music therapy and mindfulness programs!!#and like i actually have a case manager and psychiatrist #and i have regular appointments and i go to group therapy now too!!!#lots of people are like living in a small town sucks so bad #and like yeah there isn't too much to do here but i'm actually doing a lot better in a smaller town than i did in the city #in the city like i was not given any kind of resources or support because there's so many people who also need it #and there's only so many resources available and often times i'm not considered someone who should get resources #because there were people who were worse off than me and considered people who needed it more than i did #idk it's just nice that i'm actually getting help instead of falling through the cracks like i normally would #and it's nice to be doing better

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thedressagedraft · 3 months

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Anxiety spiking because I sent an email to a barn I might want to move to 🫠

#i like where we are right now for the most part #but there are just little things here and there that make me uncomfy #and tbh i've had a lot of anxiety about going out there since an incident last summer #so when i saw an opportunity for same price pasture board plus trails?#and only 5 min farther away?#i have to at least check it out #this will be coming up in therapy on monday #horses #boarding #navigator

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akchually · 6 months

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#so there's this girl #and there's this conversation I had where I told Prettyboy about a coworker whose version of polyamory is #'she says she needs me back in Washington but I don't have a job there. I keep telling her to get another boyfriend while I'm out of town #just make sure he's not around when I visit so I don't have to fight anybody'#That tickled me. And the conversation ended with me getting like a third of a hall pass. I gotta call if anything happens.#Call so Prettyboy feels like he's part of my romantic life even when the romance isn't him #Which is the opposite track of the one I was giggling about okay yeah #But like my best friend here is. Super pretty. Ridiculously pretty.#And kind and works hard and takes care of the people she loves. She's always finding ways to help me.#And she's vegan and loves my cooking and that's my love language okay #I wanna make sure she eats I wanna see what happens if she's given full reigns on dominance I want I yearn #And we talk for hours about nothing but it's been weeks since I've been like one third available and I dunno how to tell her #Or if I should or if I'd be just another person in her life who wants her for what she can do for them #I think my intentions are good but it's lonely. The long distance and the seasonal work and the isolated town up in the mountains.#And maybe I just want to be held.#I know she's grey ace and a lot of the romantic relationships she's had in the past were very manipulative and not what she really wanted #Maybe that's what's pulling me in so hard like am I just insecure and want to prove myself yet again #I've always been drawn to flaky people #I wanna be the one person they show up for #This is the thing that I actually need to process in therapy and can't just lsd the anxiety away #Though that worked for most things #Take hallucinagens. Once.#I'm such a hugger but only worked up the courage to hug her a few days ago.#We've been talking (lowercase t) for months.#And I know she has her own long distance unicorn relationship back in Kentucky. I'm hoping the subject will just surface again.#And then I can say hey #I think you're really pretty

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feluka · 1 year

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by far my least favourite thing about physical pain is that every time it flares up i foolishly and naïvely think to myself 'well ok maybe i should avoid anything physically demanding for the moment and instead do mental things like study!' but every time i fail because the pain is too distracting to literally even focus on a task or think straight

#sorry for posting so much about this. this is just my life now #the doctor was honest with me and said that there are ways to manage the pain and alleviate it but it will likely never fully go away 🙃#I'm feeling a lot better after doing the physical therapy exercises that he taught me though!#he was really nice too. every time my mom butted in to imply that it's my fault i have these problems he would step in #like she kept going 'she spends hours doing needlework then complains of arm pain 🙄🙄'#he would say 'it's ok! she can learn a few things to adjust her workspace so she can still do her hobbies without pain!'#and every time she would point out my bad habits he would say it's ok and that i just need to incorporate a few tips to make it better #literally the first positive experience I've had with a doctor since one doctor told my dad to stfu back in the day lmao

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pyro-sea · 1 year

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Sometimes when you take a break for a while, you come back and you're rusty. So you work on shaking off the rust. And once the rust and the dust and the cobwebs have started to clear, you have to grapple with the reality that you're not only rusty, but your style has changed. You're not the same as you once were. You might have grown into improvement during your much-needed rest, but you still cannot return to create in the same voice that you used to.

Your creations are different now. And you have to face that.

#i have a lot of emotions about growth change setbacks burn out and progress tonight apparently #i got reflective of my journey as a writer and got a bit overwhelmed remembering how much my works attracted kind comments #and how different my writing sounds and how much my general process has changed #i write slower now. my ideas don't have the same depth. i don't have the same amount of time or energy #it feels a bit like i had broken a bone metaphorically speaking. and now it's healed. i've been doing the physical therapy #but it's still not the same. the limb is still moving differently than it used to #i think ultimately my writing has grown stronger in many areas. i'm just struggling to remember that i did not conjure my works out of #thin air. i did not write them overnight. my stories are labors of love and of time and energy.#i need to remember i will craft them again. better this time even since i will be working at a more sustainable place #i don't usually make posts like these. but this has been on my mind for a little while now #i need to remember not to idolize my past. i need to embrace my future and take the steps needed to be as i want to be #pyro speaks #textpost

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harrylights · 1 year

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gonna get sappy here for a hot sec (quelle surprise)