beskad
cobb vanth appreciation club
formerly blasteratyourside. ray, she/they, 30. AO3. mostly a star wars blog. sometimes i gif stuff.
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my love for y'all (and him) is infinitive
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the 3.5mm headphone jack was the wound through which light entered your phone it was a little cave for angels to live in inside your phone and big tech got rid of it cause theyre scared of God the wrong way
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Shooting you with the gun you taught me to use
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Cooper attaching Lucy's finger to himself.
#this has SO much fucked up potential for fucked up shit my brain is going BRRRRRRRRR#fallout series#fallout spoilers#cooper howard#the ghoul
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So it turns out the chronic fatigue that has been destroying my life for the last 8 years...... May have been largely due to the wave after wave of antidepressants that doctors kept putting me on. I have severe depressive episodes when something triggers my PTSD and usually experience dissociative episodes. (Thanks dad!!!!!!) And I expect I always will struggle with this because that's just an unfortunate fact of having been raised brainwashed and under constant threats of violence for 23 years.
BUT
I've told every doctor I've seen since 2016 about my side effects every single time. The exhaustion, the inability to do basic self care tasks like showering. They said you're just depressed. They tried antidepressant number 3 then 4 and then a 5th and 6th and 7th, even when I begged to not try another one, and even though one of them (Prozac) was documented as having made me suicidal basically overnight (3 days after starting, 2021) and I ended up in the ER when trying to (safely!! under supervision!!) discontinue Cymbalta about a year ago
I know these medications work for a lot of people. A have a friend with bipolar 1 and he hasn't had a full blown manic episode since starting lamictal over a year ago. It works for him. I'm not saying omg antidepressants are poisonous blah blah evil pharma blah blah
But I've never felt like my meds (other than trazodone for sleep) helped me and they made me so tired and gave me nerve pain and gastrointestinal issues and I'd become SO dysregulated if I took a dose even a few hours too late and I begged and begged and begged for someone to listen because I couldn't do anything I couldn't cook or shower or sleep
It was horrible, I was so exhausted and short of breath that I couldn't even stand long enough to do dishes.
I have been living with such a bone deep exhaustion that it didn't matter if the antidepressants helped with other things. I have been so EXHAUSTED and there has been no relief and that in itself has been making me want to die for over 5 years
I've been off of all of them for a little over 3 weeks now. And I don't feel like great fantastic amazing top of the world!!!!! But I do feel stable. I'm not so exhausted that it's hard to sit upright or breathe. I'm able to do things that I haven't been able to for so long. I cook basic meals every other day after work!!! I have the energy to do it. I take my trash out. I can empty the litterbox.
It's basic stuff!!! but!!! I haven't been able to take care of myself for a very long time
It doesn't feel like I have a 50 lb weight on my chest, suffocating me. My heart palpitations and shortness of breath are gone
I'm gonna fucking sue someone. I told a DOZEN DIFFERENT DOCTORS for EIGHT YEARS that I was suffering and they just threw another medication at it. It was the antidepressants all along. I'm so mad.
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The most annoying people ever: DNI if you ship Lucy with the ghoul. that’s immoral. How could you like that Bad Man? 😭
Lynda Carter:
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i don’t grow out of my interests they simply become absorbed into me as i get older like tree rings
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What's left of him isn't on fire.
#this movie did them all so dirty but DAMN did Poe look fine as hell in this one#star wars#poe dameron
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i miss the part of fandom where we would watch together in real time then hiatus would be a feral expanse of creativity that would bring such innovative fics to the masses that it was just a wild time. it's just harder to tap into that now. i guess we still can but gosh what a time it was. speaking as an introvert who has a hard time keeping in touch it was great to jump on and just be with everyone's enthusiasm. some of my favourite things were jumping on a crack pairing or just taking one throw away line and world building with other fans with that
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Unmute !
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Do you ever talk to your mutuals?
not really i just post things and hope they fall in love with me
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So I've discovered a new twitter account from which to farm content....
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i hate when i send someone a meme in another language and they're like "uhm... translate? 😒" fucker i sent you a meme where 90% of the words have an english cognate and/or you don't need to know what they're saying to find it funny. can you at least TRY
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