#I'm going to become more inhuman than I already am | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

trina864 · 1 year

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MMM | K.TH - txt

Summery: They always says what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, so you're not sure you ever want to leave Vegas and the handsome stranger and magician, who has a weirdly comforting effect on you. Paring: Kang Taehyun x f!reader Genre: Fanfiction, Romance || Fluff, Angst | S2L Word Count: 5.7 k Warnings: Mentions of cheating, manipulative mother, kissing. ‣ A/N: Okay so you've ever seen Shin Lim? The card magician? Well I was deeply inspired by him and his performances, and I wanted to write a Taehyun ff now that I'm starting to stan txt. If you haven't watched Shin Lims performance I think it would be a good idea to watch just a short one for inspiration.

Magic had always fascinated Taehyun to such extent that he decided to go for it as more than a hobby. He had used it as a way to escape his hectic childhood, with being unpopular in school and parents who expected him to sweep the rest of the world of their feet.

He never wanted to become a person who the world knew, all he wanted was to have fun and live his life to the fullest.

His parents didn’t understand that. His mother a veteran model, and father a surgeon, they had a life filled with schemes and scheduling.

Taehyun didn’t want that.

Look at him now, years later, he had the life he dreamed of. Some would call him a street artist. His income at the moment was walking around in the streets and amazing people who was interested.

Vegas had always been filled with people who was willing to pay lots of money for not so necessary things, but that they were willing to pay him enough for him to live in a top suite with view of the beautiful city was a questioning thing for him.

His magic was good, the best in Vegas, yet it was only tricks and quick hand movements.

Tonight was another good night.

The streets were filled with people willing to pay him for his inhumane magic tricks. Some of his customers even told him that he apparently was famous - “You’re the mystic magic man everyone is talking about!”

A smirk painted across his face. To think that he was famed in the streets as the mystic magic man… He liked the name.

“Are you a magician?” A women asked, she looked to be around late 30 or so.

“I am indeed Mam.” He answered an attractive smile on his lips. It was all about pulling the customers in, he needed to work like a siren.

Taehyun reached out to the women and made a beautiful blue flower appear in his hand, giving it to her.

The women laughed a feminine laugh, before she shook her head almost in disbelief.

“Are you willing to get hired for a small job?” She asked and smiled once again. Taehyun felt her being overly sweet, not that it was making him uncomfortable, he was used to it.

He had tried girls trying to seduce him, and men yelling at him that they could do his tricks without blinking.

“It depends, what job? And how will you pay?”

As the women explained how she had given this trip to Vegas to her daughter who loved magic as a distraction from the heartbreak she had just been through Taehyun wanted to yawn.

It was a sweet story, and this mother even sweeter for doing this for her daughter, but he didn’t do stuff like this. He didn’t do hirings or sweet family stuff.

That was at least until he heard how much this women was willing to pay.

1.000$, for one performance.

He had to be a fool for not saying yes to that offer, so that was how he found himself here.

On his first big stage in one of the most well know hotels in Vegas. This hotel was one of those business people rent. There was no ordinary person who could afford places like this.

He had been told that he had all the freedom as when he was on the streets, no one would try and interfere with his magic as long as it was good.

Taehyun was standing backstage. He had already prepared a sequence in his head of how he would pursue with the show. One of his favorite tricks was in store.

People had gathered in front of the stage to wait for him. It was the first time he was performing for such big an audience. Somewhere in him it scared him, but he knew as soon as he had started with the tricks it would be better.

He sighed when he saw the same women. She stood on the stage with a smile welcoming the whole crowd who appeared to be her friends and family.

“Welcome everyone, it’s so good to see all of you once again. I invited you all here, because I had the pleasure of stumbling upon a very intriguing young man, who would like to give you all a show you’ll never forget. But first I want to say something to my beautiful daughter Y/N. You are my sun, so please continue to shine.”

“And now to the night’s performance, he is known as MMM! The mystic magic man!”

As Taehyun walked onto the stage with a big smile and soft waves to the audience he immediately noticed one girl in the middle of the audience with the rest crowding around her in a circle.

She was shy, not looking up at him too long, hiding behind her oversized hoodie. A smile played on his lips looking down at her face buried into her hands.

You felt like the biggest idiot down there in the middle of your family and friends. They had completely caught you off guard as they had sat a chair in the middle of nothing and placed you in it.

Every one of them knew the sad story of your failed relationship. How you had found your boyfriend of 5 long years cheating on you with his childhood friend.

How did they know? Thanks to your mother.

She loved to gossip, as a rich person she had to love gossiping, rich ladies weren't rich ladies if they didn't gossip. Yet you were surprised when the next day of you telling your mother what happened that you got tons of messages telling you everything would be okay.

The anger you felt towards your mother was indescribable. You were heartbroken and she had to share that with everyone. You just wanted to deal with it yourself - you defiantly did not want to take a trip to Vegas with your whole family.

But oh well, here you were, sat on a chair in front of a magician because you had always loved magicians - or you loved them when you were twelve, but hey! It's the thought that counts right?

You finally gathered your courage and looked up at the mystic magic man, what name was that even?

His mocking smile was the first thing greeting you making you want to run away, but then you were caught by the rest of his striking features.

What in the heavenly magic was this? Whoever made this man had blessed him. Everything - his nose, hands, mouth, eyes. They were all like diamonds reflection beauty into your view.

There was something innocent in his features, but the way he looked down at you with those mystified eyes was anything but innocent.

You now more than ever wanted to run away, but this time because of the intense presence of the magician in front of you.

Taehyun started his tricks the moment the lights damped like he had instructed the crew.

Most of the tricks were with cards - he loved cards. He had to practice his hand movements and speed when he was younger to get good at shuffling and moving the cards around.

You had watched many magicians as young, yet there was none of them that gave you the same feeling as this man on the stage right here.

Not that the tricks was so difficult or totally unique, but there was a whole other passion for his work. You could see it in his eyes - how he concentrated.

This man up on the stage with the damped lights and cards flowing around from hand to hand was a whole other performer than the ones you had seen as a kid.

Were the kid magicians had been funny, loud and more talkative, this magician was the complete opposite. Serious, all silent, and much more captivating.

You didn't even understand what your eyes were seeing as he kept going with his tricks, there was just too much - yet not enough.

As if a moment had passed the show was over, it was only later you discovered that he had been going for an hour and many of the people around you who weren't as interested as you had left to get cake.

You had sat through the whole performance your arms wrapped around your lifted knees and your eyes round in wonder. Taehyun couldn't help laughing as the lights came back to normal and you were still left in complete admiration.

He wasn't used to get such a good reaction out of people, your reaction had to be the best he had ever seen.

Whereas he had thought he would be forgotten on the stage by all the rich people and he would be bored doing his tricks, it was the total opposite. You had been the best audience he had ever had.

You two were alone in the big hall, all the others had left, but you were still too stunned over the performance.

You had forgotten everything about your ex-boyfriend, your family and your mother with just one performance. The weight of these things which had pushed you to the ground before felt like they were floating away right here in front of this man.

Taehyun found himself curious of you. There had been emotions in your eyes before the performance had begun that he saw from backstage, an annoyance - that annoyance were all gone now.

He walked over to the edge of the stage and sat down letting his legs dangle.

"Enjoyed the show?" He asked a soft smile on his lips.

You stayed silent for what felt like an eternity, yet when it started to become awkward you were quick to respond the first thing coming to your mind.

"Yea, well I haven't been into magic since I was twelve." You said and wanted to facepalm yourself afterwards. You just unintentionally disrespected his field.

"B- but uhm, you were pretty cool up there." You quickly added, and let go of your knees.

Taehyun again got a playful smirk on his face. It was just too funny how he affected you. But somewhere inside him he felt a flutter at your compliment, a flutter which was new to him.

Again silence fell over the two of you, only this time it wasn't uncomfortable. It was as if both of you had to test the waters, get a look at each other.

After a while Taehyun jumped down from the stage and with wide steps walked over to you sitting on the chair.

You were surprised when he reached out his hand for a shake and said.

"I'm Taehyun, nice to meet you." You shook his hand with your own sweaty one.

"Y/N." You mumbled.

"I figured." He replied with a smile and then turned around to walk away in all his mysterious manner.

As if on instinct your body jolted forward off the chair to follow him. You didn't want him to leave, there was something about this man which was new and catching.

"Hey, where are you going?" You asked and walked a few steps before stopping yourself. Why were you this affected by this guy?

"Well, my job is done here, so I'm going to head out." He said as he turned towards you once again a few steps before you. Taehyun felt a drop in him when he looked over at your sad figure when he told you he was going.

"Oh... u-uhm well then I should-" You started with a fake smile and took a few steps back pointing over your shoulder to the rest of your snobby family.

"I mean if you wanna ditch this party-thing, then I'm down to show you some of my favorite places in Vegas."

And here you were, walking around in Vegas with a man you barely knew and still feeling completely safe.

Taehyun had showed you his favorite cafe, his favorite casino and now you were going some place new. The sunny day had turned to a dark night, no stars on the sky because of the city lights.

Your mother had called you at least 50 times when you had sent her a text saying

- "Heading out with MMM, don't be worried, I'm fine."

But of course she worried, she worried so much that you had turned off your phone because you were scared she would track you. You were sickly tired off your mother. She was sweet, and only trying to protect you, but she still treated you like a 15 year old girl and not a 20 year old woman.

Your mother had you at the early age of 19, even then she never seemed to understand you. She was really protective off you, and yet distant.

"You okay?" Taehyun asked as he noticed how you quieted down.

"Yea I'm fine, it's just my mother." You said not looking into his eyes.

You two were walking down a big street with dozens of people, drunk girls, angry men, tourists - every category was there.

You still had a hot cappuccino in hand from the cafe, Taehyun had finished his a long time ago.

"What's up?" He asked looking over at you who were already looking at him.

"I don't wanna ruin the mood with my sad story." You said in a laugh and sipped on the now cold coffee.

You two had such a good vibe going, there was laughing, talking, getting to know each other, it just felt good. If you were to ruin that now you wouldn't forgive yourself.

"But you won't ruin the mood, I'm a good listener trust me." He argued.

Taehyun turned you with him into a smaller and darker alleyway. It was packed with cardboard boxes and big bins. You walked just behind him.

"I do trust you, if I didn't I wouldn't be here." You laughed making him chuckle too.

A little longer into the alleyway he crouched down to one of the cardboard boxes and opened it showing multiple spray cans, cards, and other stuff you didn't know what was.

"Nobody ever botheres to clean these boxes, so it's the perfect hiding spot." He explained taking the spray cans and your hand.

You shivered beside him when he took your hand and lead you with him.

When you reached a staircase in metal going all the way up to the roof of the building you felt excitement go through you. You had never tried things like this, walking around in a city you didn't know and trying things out.

It was fun, an experience you were thankful for.

Taehyun and you walked up through the staircase. The spray cans in his hand rattling.

When you reached the top he let go of your hand letting you walk in front of him.

You were marveled when you reached the top. From the top of this roof there was the perfect view over the city, signs were shining, street lights were blinking and small whispers of shouts could be heard.

Yet there was a quietness up here you didn't know you needed.

On the ground of the roof were multiple graffiti paintings which you knew Taehyun had made.

Behind you Taehyun was standing just as marveled as you, but not because of the city view.

You two had been together for one night and now he for the first time felt like he was at peace. The trouble he had with his parents not wanting him to become a magician was all forgotten when your smile showed.

He wanted you to stay with him.

He didn't know anything about you yet, but for him that was only a part of the good feeling. He had everything to learn about you, what you liked, what your problems was about - everything.

He would never forget when you stumbled over your feet with your newly bought coffee and spilled everything on the ground. He would never forget when you were all star struck when a fan came up to him and asked for a magic trick.

He would never forget now - your hair flowing in the soft waves of the wind, your face lightened up by the view he enjoyed so much, and your eyes sparkeling like the pacific ocean.

"It's so beautiful up here Taehyun." You said and silence again fell over you like a comforting blanket.

When you finally pulled yourself away from the amazing view you went over to the spray cans, taking one up you smiled over to Taehyun.

"Should we make one?" You asked making Taehyun nod with small laugh and shake of his head.

Two minutes later you were on the ground your knees dirty from the dust and gravel, in your hands were a pink spray can. Taehyun was sat beside you a blue spray can in his hands.

"No but seriously I would never ever kiss Jimin from bts." You said with a laugh.

"Why not?! He's handsome." Taehyun argued and sprayed some of the blue besides your pink.

"I guess he's just not my type." You said shrugging your shoulders. Nobody said anything after that as both of you concentrated on the graffiti.

After a while Taehyun broke the silence as he got up to get another color.

"If Jimin is not your type, then what is your type?" He asked and turned away from you as he looked for the right can.

You looked over at him.

"I don't really know... M- maybe dark brown hair, brown deep eyes, sharp features which makes the softest smiles..." You said.

If he knew you were descripting him he didn't show it.

"That does sound like a good type, what about the personality?" He asked still with his back facing you.

"Well, he needs to be loyal first of all, I have had a boyfriend cheat on me that's not going to happen again. Then he needs to be honest, like I want someone to be straightforward honest... Maybe... No I'm not going to say anymore." You said.

"No what were you gonna say as the third thing?" Taehyun asked as he finally found the right spray can.

"It doesn't matter." You said and Taehyun let it go as he sat beside you this time closer.

An hour or two later the painting was finished, and the two of you were standing at the edge of the roof side by side looking over the view of the city. The time had just reached 01:00 am.

"I would never get tired looking at this view." You said as you leaned on the chest-high wall before you.

"Me neither." Taehyun said as he looked at you.

He had never felt this emotion with anyone, the want to know you and be together with you. He have had a lot of beautiful girls come up to him, but no one of them could compare to your beauty.

The way you shined without doing anything.

It angered him to think that the reason you were here was because of a breakup. Whoever the dude was he had been the stupidest to let you go, now you were here with Taehyun, and he wasn't sure he was ever gonna let you go.

You couldn't believe that this was real, this moment with Taehyun - a complete stranger, but a person you were feeling completely safe with as if you had known each other always.

There was just a mystic magical bond between you two.

Even when it was time for you to go back to your hotel you couldn't help hoping he would kiss you goodbye. Just an itcy bitcy tiny kiss, that would really end this night and give it the tittle of your best most emotional-confusing night ever.

Yet when the both of you stood before the hotel, half of your faces cowered by it's shining lights nothing like that happened.

You were about to say something when you were interrupted.

"I really enj-"

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN YOUNG LADY?!" Your mothers loud voice called as she came racing with big angry steps, it was as if you were a 13 year old girl sneaking out.

You and Taehyun both got shocked as you saw your whole family in the lobby, and your mother in her pyjamas running over to you.

It was clear to anyone that the family inside was whispering about you as they couldn't stop taking judging glances over at you and Taehyun.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW CLOSE I WAS AT CALLING THE POLICE?! HA? ANSWER ME!" She yelled into your face as she tightly grabbed your wrist and pulled you with her to the lobby.

Even as you tried pulling away from her you couldn't, her grib was as tight as a snake's. There was nothing you could do as you were pulled away from Taehyun.

You could hear him yell after you trying to run up to you, but as you turned he was stopped by your mother's guards and before you knew it you were separated.

When your mother finally stopped in her hotel room your wrist had red hand marks on it, and your eyes had glistering tears in them.

"Oh would you stop crying! What the hell were you thinking?! To run away from a gathering made for you, with- with a magician! A scum!" She roared as you went further into the room refusing too look at your mother.

"Not only did you have me worried sick! But for you to be together with such a person! What if the media had found my daughter with a street dog?! What wouldn't that do for my company?! Did you even think?!" She continued as you walked even further away from her with your hands on your head.

You ran over to the roof-high windows to see if you could spot Taehyun down there, after little to no searching you found him by the curbstones. Your mother continued.

"How many times do I have to separate you from low-life scumbags-"

"Wait what...?" You interrupted.

As the realization hit both of you there was complete silence.

Your mother had just confessed something you think she never wanted to confess.

You realized that it was her fault you found your boyfriend cheating on you, probably bribery, she was good at that. It was her who had caused you this pain in the beginning.

And the worst part was that you didn't doubt that it was true, she really had done that, she really had prioritized her idealized perfect life over you and your feelings.

And she would do it again.

"Wait, Y/N, I- I didn't- no, you don't really believe that... that I...?" She stumbled on her words just as she stumbled on her feet when she walked towards you with her hands stretched out.

You took two steps back as you kept your gaze to the ground. Even now you didn't want your mother to see the anger, pain, sadness she had caused you, cause you didn't want her to know anything about your emotions anymore.

"Y/N...-" Her voice broke.

"You're going to let me leave this room. You're not going to call me, and you're not going to call the police after me." The voice that came from your mouth was unfamiliarly cold.

You had to get down to Taehyun, he knew this city better than anyone you knew, maybe he could find you a good hotel which was not too expensive.

"What Y/N? You're ridicules, just stop for a secon-" She said in a laugh, but that only triggered your anger.

"YOU'RE GOING TO LET ME LEAVE THIS ROOM, AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CALL ME, ARE WE CLEAR?!" You roared with hatred shuting her up.

She didn't answer and you didn't give her time to as you walked past her and out of the room smacking the door shut.

Out of her presence the emotions you were keeping back finally bursted from you, but still you ran through the hallways decorated in ugly expensive things which had no other function that to look expensive.

When you reached the lobby there was still family members all looking at you with the same judging eyes.

A few 'Y/N are you okay?' was heard as you ran past them as well.

Maybe it was foolish to run away like this, to run away instead of solving your problems, but to be honest you didn't care. You didn't care about solving them, you didn't care if it was foolish or childish, all you cared about was to get back to the stranger you had been with the whole night and make sure he was okay.

When you had him in your blurred view your lips automatically lifted as if they weren't turned down with the weight of your mothers words.

Taehyun was sitting on the curbstone, his face turned down and his arms on his knees.

He was so concerned for you. He hadn't gotten the impression that your mom was so strict. When he talked to her she seemed sweet and balanced, how quickly that impression changed when he saw how her fingers bore into your wrists.

"Taehyun!"

His head shot up as he heard what he swore was your voice.

He stood up the moment he caught you in his view once again. His concern grew when he saw your stained cheeks.

You ran right into his arms and cuddled into him as you cried.

On the street of Vegas you were standing with Taehyun and crying your eyes out as he pressed you into him for comfort. His hand were calmly stroking your hair as the other was placed on your back.

"I'm so s- sorry I dragged you into this mess." You said but he only shushed you down as he started rocking you left and right as a calming wave.

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault. Y/N you're an adult you can make your own decision. This is your mothers fault for not realizing." He said.

You nodded listening to his words. It was true what he said.

After some time when you had calmed down you let go of the hug and dried your eyes. You laughed at the situation making Taehyun shake his head with a light chuckle too.

"I hate to burden you, but you don't happen to know a cheap hotel I can stay at do you?" You asked hesitatingly.

Taehyun smiled before he walked in a direction and gestured for you to go with him.

"You can stay with me."

He said so casually that you thought you heard wrong, but when you asked again to make sure he just chuckled and nodded.

The travel to Taehyuns hotel wasn't long, in fact it was rather short. Suddenly there was just silence between you two as you stood inside his hotel room.

In ways it looked like the one you had ran away from, the same view over the city, the same design, yet this was in some way homely and much more sincere.

But maybe that was just because Taehyun was in here with you.

As he showed you around a long yawn left you making the man in front of you chuckle once again.

"Tired? You can take the bed, I'll sleep on the couch." He said.

"Thank you, could I borrow a shirt? Like to sleep in?" You asked as you looked down at your own clothes.

When he had found a shirt for you and you had put it on, choosing to only wear that and your underwear, you two spent the last time of the night outside on the balcony talking.

Talking freely and sincerely with each other like you had done the whole night.

The next three weeks went by quicker than you had expected after all that had happened with your mother. You knew it was thanks to Taehyun.

Taehyun had really been there for you in ways you wouldn't ever have expected from a stranger. He always made sure to talk to you, laugh with you so you wouldn't get into your head. He noticed how you often did that - overthought.

You were slowly noticing things about him as well. How he always seemed to want the truth more than anything else, or how he was often serious yet so childish.

Taehyun was a good guy, a really good guy, a guy which you couldn't get out of your head. Especially after you saw him boxing in the hotels fitness.

Holy god, that wasn't a boy, Taehyun was a man with actual skills at boxing.

You knew today was the day that your family was going home, it was planned that you were to go with them, but last night you called one of your trusted aunties and told her you wouldn't be going.

That auntie was the only one you knew you could trust. She had always been a hopeless romantic, always asking you when you would find your Romeo.

Now that you were with an actual guy who didn't cheat on you, she would be more than pleased to help you.

She was coming with your bags and suitcase today, then afterwards you would have to figure something out, one thing was for sure though - you were not going back home with your mother.

You were in the kitchen making some late lunch when the door ringed. Taehyun was out. He said he wanted to clear his head before you had to go. Both of you had been affected by the fact that you would have to go.

You had yet to tell him you would be staying, you wanted to surprise him.

"Hey auntie." You said lightly as you opened the door. She walked in with your suitcase a big smirk on her face.

"Y/N! How are you? Doing good with little Mr. magician?" She asked a knowing smile on her face. Not only was she the romantic in your family, she was also the youngest of your aunties, only eleven years older than you.

You had always loved talking with her, now was no exception.

"Auntie! He's so great!" You squealed finally letting your emotions regarding Taehyun run wild.

"Tell me everything!" She said as you two went over to the couch after you helped her place your suitcase in your room.

And you two talked for almost two hours before she had to leave to reach the plane.

Taehyun was still not home, you were questioning if he was even planning on saying goodbye to you.

Or maybe he was caught up in something and couldn't make it. No matter what, it was a bit disappointing to watch as the hands of the clock clicked on.

When Taehyun finally came home the time was 11 pm, and you were almost sleeping on the couch.

Yet when you heard the door open and close and a big heavy sigh being let out you felt clear as light.

From the hallway you could hear small sobs, and there you knew that this thing between you and him was maybe not just one-sided.

Taehyun was sincerely sad that you were going, not that he hadn't told you that, but he was actually crying for you.

You couldn't wait anymore.

"Taehyun?" You asked carefully from the couch.

The hallway dropped to dead silence - you couldn't even hear him breathe. Then all of a sudden you could hear him run to the living room while saying your name, almost in destress.

"Y/N?.. Y/N? Is that you?!"

You stood up from the couch the moment he reached the living room. Taehyun looked so beautiful standing there in front of you.

"Wh- I thought you were... How?" He said in relief as he took big steps towards you.

Taehyun opened his arms and ran into you spinning you around and almost triping on his feet. Hearing you laugh into his ear was so comforting when he just thought he lost you.

After the spinning around Taehyun hugged you into him.

"I decided that there was more for me here than there, so I'm staying. I'm staying with you, if you want that?" You stated.

Taehyun knew his smile looked like he was totally baffled, because he was, in the best way ever.

"If I want you to stay... ? I always want you to stay, I want to know everything about you Y/N, I want to make the best memories with you, I want to love you." He said overwhelmed by emotions he wasn't used to.

Never had he felt so home, as when he was with you. You were comfort, honesty, safety - everything.

And he only knew you for three weeks. Whenever that was three years he would look back to this moment, just to reflect on how much you two accomplished together.

You two weren't hugging anymore, yet none of you let go of the other, Taehyuns hands were around your waist and your hands around his nape.

Your eyes shined in the darkness, reflecting every emotion and giving them color.

He couldn't stop his eyes from looking down at your lips, those soft pillows - he wanted to taste them, to guide them.

Taehyun lowered his head to you. Your lips met on the halfway, finally connecting them you grabbed his nape tighter pushing him down to you.

Your lips played a game, a game called love. He was soft, letting you set the pace, yet his way of kissing you was so passionate.

You could feel the hands on your waist go up to your cheeks, holding you closer to him.

His soft lips playing against yours was like a perfect puzzle finally making the whole picture make sense.

When you two broke away from each other to catch your breaths it was with chuckles of euphoria. He connected his forehead to yours and looked into your eyes.

"I don't ever want you to leave me Y/N. I need you with me." His words came out as desperate rasps.

"I won't leave, not ever." You answered back.

He pulled you into him again, kissing you with even more passion this time a bit stronger as well.

When he pulled away it was only to hug you, and you accepted, you would always accept when it came to this handsome non-stranger, cause you knew that Taehyun wasn't just a stranger anymore.

He was the mystic magic man.

And as cliché as it sounded - he was your love. Your passionate and deep love.

#txt x reader #txt #tomorrow x together #fanfic #kang taehyun #taehyun #taehyun scenarios #taehyun x y/n #taehyun x reader #txt taehyun #txt kang taehyun #txt fanfic

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akookminsupporter · 1 year

Note

I am sure you may have already gotten this ask so feel free to provide a generic response. Jungkook deleting his IG is such a powerful move because in this time of high social media interactions, he doesn’t give a rats ass about the most superficial of platforms. And he has every right to choose to step away from it.

But you will always have conspiracy theorists and detractors who would want to read more into the actions of the members despite them clarifying. Jungkook’s IG account deletion is being labelled as either his rebellion against the company for restricting him or a deletion by the company it’s self for not abiding by policies or going on unsupervised and unauthorised lives. Despite him being a grown man with agency.

What’s your take on this?

Ha! this is the ask that was above yours.

People are saying Hybe make JK delete his IG and that JK did not delete because he doesn’t use it much. They say it’s because of all the unauthorized wlives he did. I just wanna know your thoughts on this

Obviously many will think all that. This fandom likes their theories no matter how absurd or stupid they are.

This fandom has many problems, but 4 of the main ones are the hero complex, the need to pigeonhole the members as victims, the demonisation of HYBE/BIGHIT and ignoring what the members say. We could talk about these four problems separately, but we can really boil them down to one complex - the fandom thinks it knows best. The fandom thinks it knows what bts members need, what's going on with them, what they want and what bothers them. they know all that better than the members themselves. The fandom, or many in it, have taken this weird parasocial relationship with bts to extremes and like everything that is taken to extremes, it is no good.

This hero complex is with all members, whether individually or as a group, but I have noticed since coming into the fandom, that it is particularly strong with the Maknae Line.

For many, the Maknae Line is being oppressed and exploited by the big bad HYBE/BIGHIT. The whole group, really, they are being taken advantage of! And that's why the maknae Line likes to "rebel" against them. I've always read how the agency and the company don't treat them well, make them do this or that and I'm just dumbfounded by so much… stupidity.

When you become a fan of a K-pop group I think it's almost impossible not to learn a little bit about the industry itself - although sometimes, a lot of times you learn that information from the wrong media. I think many of us know about the inhumane treatment many agencies have with their idols, the stupid behavioural clauses, forcing them to do things they don't want to do etc., that's unfortunately still relatively common in that industry, but I think it's also obvious that HYBE/BIGHIT isn't like that or at least not to the extremes that other companies go to and definitely not with BTS. Or not anymore.

BTS is HYBE/BIGHIT's golden goose. They started it all, they gave the company the opportunity to grow the way it has. Many argue about whether bts paved the way for the K-pop industry or not, but they did pave the way, at least financially, for the groups under HYBE. The report a few weeks ago that HYBE presented showed that bts still brings in the most economic income to the company, more than all other artists combined, despite having stopped activities as a group since June 2022, basically. And you still think that the company would deliberately do something to harm them?

I'm not a corporate apologist by any stretch of the imagination, but to pretend that bts members don't benefit from HYBE/BIGHIT as well, is stupid. Many seem to forget when it suits them that bts also own shares in that company.

But the worst part of this narrative is that these people don't realise how insulting it is to the artists they swear to love and claim to want to protect. To believe that the company is exploiting them, forcing them to do something they don't want to do and deliberately harming them in some way is also to believe that the members are useless, pusillanimous people who don't know how to stand up for themselves. It is believed that bts does not apply what they preach so much in their songs, in their campaigns, or in their concerts. It is to believe that the members of bts do not apply what many in this fandom brag about them preaching. They stand for. And that obviously doesn't make sense.

In this particular case, Jungkook is without a doubt one of the most important artists in the company. He generates a lot of income as part of the group and individually. The interest in him is out of this world. In business terms, Jungkook is a precious asset to the company and yet you think the company could force him to do or not do something?

In one of his last Wlives, Jungkook talked about how the company doesn't allow them to do Wlives without notice and I don't know what else but he still did it. In the Wlive where Tae joined for a few moments, they talked about how "the company would scold them" but they still didn't care, Tae even said that he would take responsibility. And in the next Wlive that Jungkook did, someone asked him if he was scolded and Jungkook basically said 'do they really think they could forbid me to do something?' which brings us to the problem of this fandom forgetting what the members say when it doesn't fit their narrative.

If what these people say were true, it would make more sense for HYBE/BIGHIT to ban Jungkook from doing Wlives unsupervised, in the middle of the night than to order him to delete an account on a social media platform he hadn't used for a long time. But no, this fandom HATES to believe in the most logical explanations regarding anything bts related because then they wouldn't be able to "activate" their hero complex.

Jungkook is different. He walks to the beat of his own drum and is also somewhat impulsive. I don't doubt for a minute that he deleted/deactivated his Instagram account because he didn't see any benefit or use for it and because I felt that the novelty of the app had worn off for him for a while now. When Jungkook deleted all his posts and edited his feed in a more "professional" manner I remember thinking that he was getting bored of the app and like most of what Jungkook gets bored of, he would put it aside. And so it happened. Although it took him a while to do it.

I also think that the sasaengs' obsession with stalking him and so on also made him fed up, maybe it was something he saw in his account and he got tired of it. Getting away from toxicity is always necessary.

#anon #ask #Jungkook #fandom #toxic fans #rosie's thoughts #rosie's opinion

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my-own-walker · 1 year

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Hi there!! Can I request an angst with Kit Walker inside the Briarcliff Asylum please? Thank you :)

summary: Kit is losing hope of ever getting out of Briarcliff Asylum alive. That is until she shows up.

warnings: light angst

+++

It was beginning to become clear to Kit that there was no exit in sight. The thick, cold walls of Briarcliff were going to be where he would die.

Visions of his trauma danced in front of his eyes when they were closed, rendering his nights entirely sleepless. Shadows of figures unknown to him taunted him in the darkest hours of night. The pain he endured the night he lost Alma would radiate throughout his body. Phantom sensations that left him paralyzed by fear were a constant reminder that he was a victim of a wrong place, wrong time situation.

He was beginning to actually lose his mind.

Maybe I am going crazy, he would think. Maybe I do belong here. There's no other explanation.

Except there was. He knew he hadn't lost his mind. But he was losing his will. His strength to remain steadfast in the fact that he was innocent was waning. And that, he could do nothing about.

His days were repetitive, dragging along at an inhumanely slow pace. His best friend, the dream of escaping, became distant. Only visiting in small doses in the dead of night. A cruel best friend. One that never cared for him. One that left him with false promises and broken dreams.

He was at the end of his rope.

That was until a new psychiatrist made an appearance in the common room. She was radiant. A face that hadn't been cracked and aged by the wet, cold, hopeless air of the asylum. She offered him a slight smile, and he felt butterflies.

For the first time in months, he felt something strong. No more apathy. For her, he felt pity, but also a strange attraction. Her positivity was only going to be squashed in time. But that smile, so friendly, full of life. Was this a sign from God? Was she his way out of here?

She sat at a table, talking to one of the asylum's newest intakes. A girl, much like him, awaiting her fate. Accused of a crime she probably committed, guessing by the constant smirk on her face. This stranger was here to evaluate her.

Kit's psychiatrist seemed set on incriminating him. He would stand trial and be killed for the Bloody Face Murders if he continued on with Dr. Thredson.

This lady, though, seemed to possess something no one else here did. Compassion. She made eye contact with people. The institutionalized. The cast-offs. She was engaged and warm. Pure sunshine.

That's why as soon as the new girl walked away from her, Kit made a beeline toward the table.

She was standing, packing her things up into a brown leather document bag when he reached her. She looked up, slightly startled by his sudden appearance.

'Hello,' she mustered. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

'Hi, uh- name's Kit,' he replied with a slight smile. She nodded.

'Nice to meet you Kit, I'm Y/N,' she extended her hand to shake his. Another gesture others couldn't muster the courtesy to give those at Briarcliff. He shook her hand and sat in the chair across from her. Unsure of what she should do, she sat as well. 'So, it's Kit - you said your name was?'

He nodded and swallowed. Casting his eyes down.

'Kit Walker,' he confirmed. He knew she'd know who he was. The killer of women. Already off to a bad start.

'Kit Walker. I'm Y/N Y/L/N. So Kit, what brings you over here?' she smiled. 'I specialize in cases of the criminally insane, and I was just about to go actually...' Kit was shocked. How does she not know who I am? Why I'm here? Is she condescending me?

'I- do you know who I am?' he managed. Looking into her eyes, he saw nothing. No recognition. Is it contempt? Does she think she's better than me? Am I losing it? he thought. She simply shook her head and kept that kind smile on her face.

'Do you know who I am?' she laughed, obviously not getting what he was saying. How?

'You know Bloody Face?' he continued.

The smile crept off her face, but a new look replaced it. Confusion. She even laughed a little, nervously.

Is she playing dumb to spare my feelings? Whatever game she's playing, I don't like it. I'm not crazy, or fucking stupid. Kit thought. His mind raced as to how she wasn't scared, horrified even. He was all over the news. Everyone in Briarcliff knew of him before he even stepped in the door.

He sat there, silently fuming as she continued to stare at him. Make eye contact. This was a fucking game, huh? Some sick game to her. To make him feel small. Stupid. He wasn't sure if it was the god-awful song playing, or the doe-eyed expression on her face that made him spiral, but he started to unravel. His frustration came to a fever pitch.

'I'M FUCKING BLOODY FACE!' he shouted, rising up out of his seat so fast that his legs hit the metal seat behind him, sending it clattering to the floor. The whole room stopped as two orderlies ran up to restrain Kit. Tears filled his eyes and anger balled up in his stomach. His face turned hot as he was dragged away, watching her remain still and calm through the ordeal. She was taunting him. She was here to hurt him, he thought. He felt that he knew it for sure.

Then, he was promptly sedated.

He woke up hours later, strapped to a bed, with tears in his eyes. He woke up crying. He didn't even remember why.

That's what this place did to people. Broke their spirit so much that they didn't even remember why they were suffering. Just that they were in pain. So much pain.

Before he could process his surroundings, he was greeted by that face. That smile. The warm smile that set him off. In his stupor, he could barely even remember why she was an unwelcome guest. He just knew he wanted her out. Lucidity came to him in waves, and as soon as it did he managed to croak out a single,

'Go.'

His voice cracked as he continued to cry. She slowly walked over to the chair next to his bed. Placing her bag next to the seat, she lowered herself gingerly to his level. She smoothed her hair took a deep breath.

'Let's start over, Kit,' she began. 'I'm Y/N Y/L/N. I specialize in cases of the criminally insane, and I have no idea who Bloody Face is. See, I don't read the news. I don't concern myself with it. I already deal with so much pain in places like this, I don't need to learn more.'

Kit was stunned.

'I was shocked when Sister Jude brought me up to speed on who you're saying you are,' she continued. 'But I don't believe it. Not yet at least. I am a champion of giving patients the benefit of the doubt. You are a person to me. Not a case.'

'They say I killed people,' Kit cried. 'My wife. And other women. I- Y/N,' he sobbed. 'I didn't do it.'

She grabbed his hand, still keeping eye contact. She nodded and cast a sympathetic glance. His heart swelled. He took in a shaky breath and for the first time in a while, he actually felt air feed his lungs. Air went in deeper and cleaner, soothing the ever-present ache in his chest. He actually felt himself relax into her touch.

'I am in no business of humiliating you, Kit. I want to help you. You came over to me in the common room for a reason, and I'd like to try again. So as soon as you feel up to it- to talk, that is- I'll be here, Kit. I promise,' she explained. She rubbed circles with her thumb on the back of Kit's hand as he cried.

'Thank you,' he replied, with tears in his eyes. Except for once, they weren't sad. The levity that ensued was more addicting than pure heroin. Her presence was warmer than pure sunlight.

And for once, since he was thrown in here, he felt free.

+++

Ahhhh okay, I've never written angst before so I hope it's okay. You actually sent this request at the perfect time. I just started rewatching AHS Asylum. Thank you for the request! Again, my inbox is always open!

#kit walker #ahs fanfic #ahs asylum #american horror asylum #kit walker x reader #kit walker x female reader #jimmy darling #james patrick march #kai anderson #tate langdon #evan peters x female reader #evan peters fic #evan peters #evan peters oneshot #kit walker angst

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beautifulpersonpeach · 1 year

Note

BPP,

First of all, I love your blog. I am so happy to see you active.

Second of all, I agree with that anon about finding Jimin fascinating. I have never been this intrigued by any other celebrity. I find him different but I don't know why. He is good looking but so are other idols. I mean it's Kpop. Most have to be good looking to make it. It's just such a weird thing. Like you can't help but notice him. Everytime I watch a BTS related content, he is the first person I notice. He isn't even my favourite but my eyes will instantly see him before anyone else. He also somehow leaves the strongest mark in any mvs or performances or even simple content. It's weird. I don't get it.

***

Hi Anon, 💜

I saw your ask come in days ago, just as I was logging out of the app and felt a bit bad because I knew I wouldn't have any time for Tumblr for the next few days. Lately, I've actually wanted to remain active here, but life keeps getting in the way. I know it's not a big deal but I really am thankful that so many of you understand that I'm active here only when I can afford to be. 💜

On to more interesting topics, yes to everything you said about Jimin. There's no other member I write about here more than Jimin and it's something I don't ever feel like apologizing for because that man is infinitely captivating.

It's rare to see someone who recognizes exactly what he is, as young as Jimin did. There are many points over the years that Jimin has done something, and it registered in my head that this man is different. It's human to be a bit self-indulgent, to be a little self-absorbed, a little self-deception is a very natural mechanism that sometimes shields us from other people's projections and malicious intent. And so it struck me as almost inhuman in how acutely aware Jimin was to recognize his need to be seen, heard, in the most audacious format available to him as a 13 year old boy in Busan, South Korea.

His depth of self-knowledge, indicative of his unusually high intelligence, is at the source of his magnetism and charisma. In my opinion. You can see it in his eyes and it amplifies his already unnatural beauty.

I recently started speaking with a Jimin-bias on Twitter and we've become good friends. She described Jimin like this (and I've linked in sources):

"Jimin of BTS is the man who wrote a detailed essay that convinced his parents to let him study dance over science or law, who landed an esteemed dance and martial arts scholarship, who went against his teacher (Lee Hwa Sung’s) wishes of going the more secure route excelling as a professional modern dancer given his talents, to instead pursue his dream to become an idol, who called his dad once a month as a trainee of a nearly bankrupt agency saying “don’t worry dad. Even if I don’t make it this way I’ll make it another way”, who debuted as main dancer and lead vocalist with what is now the biggest group in the world despite having the shortest training period in Big Hit’s history and one of the shortest training periods in all of kpop to date."

That is one reason I am ecstatic about FACE. The music itself is one thing and we'll deal with that when we get there - I may or may not like the music (though given what he's released so far, the fact he's in BTS, and him working with RM and PDogg, I doubt it). But the subject matter of FACE: Park Jimin, would interest me even if I was on my death bed with only 10 KB of data available for me to use one last time.

I'm not very good at explaining what I mean, but I hope those who love him don't take offense when I call Jimin a freak. Because that is what I'm absolutely convinced he is. I don't know how else to express just how beastly I think he really is. Looking at him for me is like looking at one of those lenticular prints that shift into different things depending on lighting - like you turn your head one way looking at Jimin and you see a panther, turn your head another way and you see a dove, turn yet another way and you see a snake. And each animal is the most perfect expression of its form. He hones every quality he expresses with a meticulousness that scares me sometimes, because every example of that sort of personality I've seen in music has burnt out or passed before 40 (Prince being the only exception). The rapline have an identical quality but they seem less volatile than Jimin to me for some reason.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I'm excited about FACE and Anon when I saw your ask come in days ago, I suspected you were fishing (lol), but also I love Jimin and will take every excuse to talk about him. It's also way easier to talk about him than it is to talk about Yoongi, Namjoon, and Hoseok for me lol.

Speaking of which, it goes without saying that Jimin's evolution in self-awareness is also a result of his relationship with the rapline in BTS, as well as some other members. Jimin's comments about how he relies on those three, of what he thinks of their characters, and about how those three have assisted and influenced him, are consistent with how I see them too.

Back to Jimin, he's a once in a lifetime personality and there's nothing wrong with admitting it.

(Me too, Jungkook. Me too.)

Make sure you've pre-saved FACE, stream On The Street, and stay hydrated. 💜

#jimin #park jimin #jikook #bts rapline #FACE #Jimin FACE #jimin solo album

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howlingday · 1 year

Text

Setting - Many, many years ago, the White Fang procured a powerful weapon through unethical means. Ghira Belladonna and Sienna Khan meet with Velvet Scarlatina to discuss the use of this weapon, codenamed "Berzerker".

Velvet: Good evening, White Fang leaders. For those of you who haven't met me, I am Doctor Velvet Scarlatina, the current head of research for our Mistrali Field Operations. I am the one who holds the most power and responsibility for the care of our Project Berzerker.

Velvet: That being said, I would like to state my case that you terrorists are pushing the subject too far.

Sienna: We're not here to discuss politics, Doctor. Just tell us what is to be done.

Velvet: Very well. (Taps scroll) As I'm sure you are all aware, Project Berzerker is implanted with two separate control nodes, the switches of which are maintained by the squad leader of each mission. Electrical shock triggers the transformation to, and fire dust burns them into submission. Upon changing into her- excuse me, their weaponized form, they become completely uncontrollable, and rampages into the mission area. No one is spared. Neither hostiles, (Taps scroll) nor civilians.

Ghira: (Gulps)

Sienna: Your review is indeed quite thorough, Doctor Scarlatina, but do not forget that we are not terrorists. We are merely a nation who holds the most powerful weapon in our iron grip. I would also like to point out that the information you have cited is already well known, as it was compiled, processed, and reviewed in this very hall.

Velvet: So you are listening. Good, because you should listen to the point of this presentation. Project Berzerker is going to die, unless you make serious changes to her treatment.

Sienna: It's treatment.

Velvet: Their treatment.

Ghira: Enough semantics, please. What do you mean by die, Doctor?

Velvet: Expire. Cease to be. Murdered by the end of the week.

Sienna: And you are only telling us now?! Why weren't we informed of this sooner?!

Velvet: Because you would rather play with your toys until they break, rather than think of something that's alive as anything more than potential weapon! A weapon, I remind you, you never even named!

Corsac: Perhaps we should...

Fennec: ...name our weapon?

Trifa: Project Berzerker always was a bit of a mouthful. How about Barry?

Tukson: Because it turns into a bear?

Velvet: She already has a name, and it's Nora! But my point isn't that she was never given a name, nor was she asked if she had one. All you did was slap on Project Berzerker and was done with it.

Sienna: A name is irrelevant. It's not a Faunus, nor is it even a person. At best, it's a weapon, and at worst is a human.

Velvet: ...Racism and myopic tendencies aside, the fact remains that your "weapon" isn't being maintained, nor cared for. She is carted off all over Remnant to fight without any proper rest, and tonight was no different. Her body is constantly pushed to the brink, and her injuries are not only physical, but psychological as well. And her abuse isn't limited to the battlefield, either. (Groans, Taps scroll) Which brings me to her handler...

---------------------------------------------------

Ilia: I can't help but feel sorry for her.

Tock: Sorry for her? This thing?

Ilia: Yeah! You know they call this place the torture room for a reason, right?

Tock: Torture room? That isn't true, is it?

???: No, it isn't. Unless you want to test it yourself?

Ilia: (Gulps) Adam...

Adam: Now, both of you shut up and toss it into it's pen. I gotta get it cleaned up before Doctor Bunny gets her look.

---------------------------------------------------

Velvet: It is beyond plausible reason that this inhumane treatment is to be continued as it is, especially at the hands of a sadist like Adam Taurus, who has multiple acts of cruelty on record, especially towards human combatants and prisoners. If nothing else, I'd like to request that Adam Taurus be removed as Nora's handler effective immediately, or else risk her health to be degraded to the point of no return. A point, I'll remind you, is edging ever closer to us.

Sienna: You have made excellent points, Doctor Scarlatina, but understand this. Since the discovery of Project Berzerker nearly ten years ago, the White Fang has maintained it's position as the most powerful organization in the history of Remnant, rivaling that of even the Atlas military. We have protected all of Remnant, and Faunuskind, using a weapon more powerful than the fabled relics combined. And it is held firmly in our iron grips and has remained unbreakable, not despite it's hardships, but because of it. We have made, "Nora," as you call her, into a force of nature itself. A force which we can control. Direct. Shape.

---------------------------------------------------

Adam: (Blasts Nora with hose water)

Nora: (Chokes, Gasps)

Ilia: H-Hey, you should-

Adam: I should what, grunt?

Ilia: (Steps back)

Adam: Had enough yet, scum?

---------------------------------------------------

Sienna: As all children should be.

---------------------------------------------------

Nora: (Huddled into a ball, Sobbing) P-Please... No more... No more hurting...

#rwby #moonrise #velvet scarlatina #sienna khan #ghira belladonna #fennec albain #corsac albain #trifa #tukson #ilia amitola #tock #adam taurus #nora valkyrie #rwby au #werebear nora au

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bansept · 2 years

Text

The child of God (AU)

Part 2

It's funny because Dio is really just a psychotic, selfish, arrogant blood-sucking immortal with a god complex, daddy and anger issues as well as a womanizer who'd rather chop his arms off than use protection, yet I still love that character.

I love writing these, and it seems people like them, so there we go!

The villa Dio was hiding in was about an hour away from Naples, in a deserted part of the land. The only humans coming were occasional hikers, so he was certain nobody would come unwanted to explore an old building. Even if they would be, they would immediately be turned into cattle for the vampire by his few servants.

Giorno was asleep in his arms, holding onto his cape tightly. Dio allowed it, for now, knowing very well the child needed some sleep. Perhaps some comfort too, but it wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

Dio was hungry. All the blood that had been shed made his skin crawl in desire, and it was becoming increasingly hard to not feast on his own child. Only his strong-willed mind permitted him to give the boy to a servant without harm coming to him.

"He will stay with us. Treat him as my son. His life is worth more than all of yours."

The servant, an ugly enough woman turned vampire, took Giorno in her arms, amazed and confused at the same time, before bowing her head.

"Yes, of course."

Dio watched as she walked away, carefully nudging the child closer, and nursing him into a deep sleep. Giorno was where he was supposed to be : with his father, away from any harm this bitch might have inflicted on him. The tall, muscular vampire rolled his shoulder and neck, a groan slipping from his mouth. The memory he had of her was blurry, and not pleasing. He needed to think about something else, feed and relieve himself.

The doors opened to his bedroom, for lack of a better term, where his previous preys were waiting, lacking any clothes or decency. They were getting boring, he'd kill all 3 of them tonight.

Of course, the boy woke up in the morning, utterly lost. And hungry for human food. Which the villa did not have.

"Didn't you eat yesterday, back at your old place?" His father mumbled, tired of this already.

"I... did, but I'm hungry again... I'm sorry, sir."

The black-haired boy apologized, dropping his head in shame. Dio felt a ping of guilt. Giorno was a child, a human, of course he'd need to eat daily. It had been so long since he'd been taught table etiquette, the ways of humans.

"Don't apologize. I forgot humans needed food more often than I." Placing a hand on his son's head, Dio rubbed it. "You will go with Gloria."

Giorno frowned, and it bothered Dio.

"Humans? Aren't you one too?"

Dio chuckled deeply, rising back to his full height and staring at the boy with a smile that revealed his sharp teeth.

"Do I look human?"

Giorno gazed at him up and down, the huge stature of the man in front of him seemingly not phasing him a bit. His green eyes analyzed the claws resting against his father's hips, the sharp fangs smiling at him and his unnatural amber eyes. Dio was not human, that was obvious.

"No... Sir."

The clawed hand took the child's chin and raised it up, their eyes meeting.

"I am a vampire, yes. And by an incredible chance, you were born, my son. Do not call me 'sir'. I am your father. Be proud of yourself."

"But, I don't look like you..."

These few words hurt more than expected. No, Giorno didn't look a bit like Dio. Not a single shade like him. Because of Jonathan's body. Even in death, even when he didn't even exist anymore, this damn fool mocked him. His own child! Giorno was Dio's! Not a fool like Jonathan's!

The vampire's eyes shone brightly, deep, fluorescent sulfur shining down on Giorno, who stepped back in fear.

Fear. His boy was afraid of him. A disgusting monster. Inhumane. Just like Dio saw his own father. So different, so horrible, so eager for him to die. But he couldn't accept he would inspire such hatred from his son. He couldn't let it happen!

Dio slowly crunched back down, slowly, hands cupping Giorno's face.

"I... I would never hurt you, Giorno. Ever."

The child stood silently, unmoving, his emerald eyes shaking in fear, which soon stilled into calm waters. Maybe he believed him because of his young age. After all, he was an innocent boy. Maybe he was even smarter than he let out. In any case, Giorno cradled himself against Dio's chest, hiding in the black fabric of his clothes, little hands clutching onto the vest that covered the vampire.

For the first time in well over a hundred years, caring no longer felt like a weakness.

Part 1 // Part 3

#jojo's bizzare adventure #dio brando #dio #giorno giovanna #dad dio #mudad

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polyhexian · 1 year

Text

Okay. Finished Bambi. The movie really only encompasses a little more than half the book. It ends showing Bambi running off with faline into adulthood, happy. The book however continues and shows Bambi growing older and wiser in the ways of the forest and ultimately becoming the new prince of the forest. He is alone all the time, has no companions, has lost interest in faline and not seen her in some time. The book ends with him encountering some frightened fawns calling for their mothers and chastising them for not being able to take care of themselves. Ultimately this is a book written in 1929 about the life cycle of a wild prey animal that is like, directly pushing the narrative that hunting is bad and hunters are evil.

Which... I don't really agree with. There are no predators in this book, not of deer. The only thing the deer have to worry about is humans. They're not afraid of wolves or lions or any other large carnivores. Which means... Yeah, letting them run unchecked probably isn't actually great for the environment. Especially when we see how devastating winter already is. Now, maybe it's just that the meat industry was not as evil yet in 1929 as it is today? But I am of the distinct opinion that meat from a wild deer is more ethically sourced than meat from a factory farm cow. The conditions those animals are put through are so beyond inhumane it's indescribable. That deer had a life, a natural life, and fell victim to a predator. Its life was better than that cows ever was. Now, sport hunting is different- sort of, plenty of people who sport hunt do still use all the meat and pelts they harvest, and what harm is there in enjoying the work you are already doing?

I don't think anyone will disagree with me that killing animals for fun with no purpose isn't really... Good. If you're shooting deer and just taking antlers and letting them rot and it's not got some other purpose like culling the herd or preventing the spread of disease... Don't do that? Not that animals don't sometimes kill for fun but. We don't need to cause more suffering in the world than we have to.

It's hard for me to really get into the mindset of what the author might have really been trying to convey with this. I don't know what it's like to live in Germany in 1929 so I can't really imagine what kind of world he was living in, the world of humans and his morals or the world of ethical hunting and animal welfare. It is certainly presented that the best way to survive, to be proud and noble and regal, is to have no relations with anyone, to speak to no one, to have no friends or curiosity, to trust nothing and no one and to rely only upon oneself. Also to just get up and leave your wife one day and never go back.

On one hand, on a completely literal level, this is probably a very accurate depiction of a deers life cycle and how a deer survives long enough to become an elder. Only the lonely survive. On a message level I'm really not sure what it's trying to tell me. It does feel a bit like it's making a broader statement than just a brutal accurate depiction of wild animal life. It also hit me with a steel chair out of left field by dropping what I think the thesis statement of the book may be and it's that god is to us as we are to all other animals. Arbiter of life and death. Incomprehensible. Beyond understanding. Something greater than man is out there.

That shit was wild I wasn't expecting this to suddenly reveal Oh Fuck It's About God. So like. It's saying something. It's definitely saying something. I'm really not sure I have the context to fully understand what and I'm not sure I'd agree with it even if I did.

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problemnyatic · 3 months

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how do you move on from something terrible you may have done while you were at the lowest point youd ever been in your life? how do you forgive yourself when closure is not an option? i want to apologize to them but i cant. i cant contact them ever and i cant even remember what i did, only guess with that memory is left to me. and there might be a part of me thats still too bitter to apologize. they talk so much about love but when i was bleeding on the floor they kicked me before they left, they talked shit behind my back while i was out of it and delusional and unable to explain anything. and now ive heard they talk about healing from Me. they never brought up a single thing about my behaviour until they told me to get fucked then told me my communication is shit and that im a hypocrite. i had no clue id done anything wrong until they abandoned me. what am i even supposed to do in a situation like this

I... worry that it will become a pattern that folks come to me expecting me to solve their deeply tangled emotional knots. While I have the ability to, it takes a lot to even receive an ask like this, let alone to answer it adequately. I am not a therapist, I am simply getting a good grade in therapy. I will answer this one, but please, folks, I have less energy to spare than it may seem. I can't save all of you individually.

With that said..

I've done terrible things in the past that I'd take back in a second. I've had moments where I know others came away hurt, but I'll never know if I could've done better in the moment, if it was truly my own failing that was the key factor at play.

The ambiguous ones are harder.

Ultimately, you will need to learn for yourself how to make peace with the past. It cannot be changed. And it seems that in your case, you've taken disproportionate and inhumane punishment for whatever your infractions may have been.

When we carry the past on our shoulders, agonizing on what the "right" way to feel about it is, we keep ourselves from moving forward, from growing. Regardless of how much, and of what, was your fault, it seems the best path is to let go and move on.

It's never gonna feel good.

But the best you can do by those you have wronged is to grow, and that means leaving your regrets die and decompose to fertilze the soil you grow from. Move forward with stronger boundaries, moving more slowly, mindfully of others. Understand your limits, and be forthright with them - even if they feel shameful, the right people would be glad to have the heads up, rather than have to pry them from hiding or worse- hit them like a landmine.

And ultimately? If you were never told you needed to change until they'd already burned the bridge? That's on them. Even if you'd been doing wrong by them, even if you'd secretly been a horrible friend, expecting someone to read minds and simply Realize They're Fucking Up without ever being actually told is petty, avoidant bullshit.

The right friends know when to tell you to fuck off before real damage is done.

Take a deep breath, and as you let it out, slowly, let the past flow out with it. There's nothing to be salvaged back there, but the future can be, the present can be.

I'm sorry you went through this, and good luck going forward♡

#problemnyatic answers

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lovequinn · 4 months

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i cannot break my tradition so here is the annual mushy new years eve post

(first a quick sidebar: i started doing these end of year posts in 2018 i think? i tried to go back today and find all the ones i'd written previously and it just really sank in how different everything is, both internally and externally. obviously i was very aware of that to a degree already, but actually reading the way i spoke about myself and my life is so out-of-body. i was 20 when i wrote one of these for the first time; i'd just dropped out of college, i was grasping on to anything and anyone that made me feel like i belonged or gave me any sort of direction. it's bittersweet to see, because i was trying so hard to be happy when i wasn't, and i wish i could go back and tell that person that it's gonna be fine. i like making these posts because i like to think it's a way of writing to that version of myself and saying hey...here's how we're doing now.)

2023 was, personally, the best year of my life.

this was the year i woke up one morning and said fuck it, i'm tired of not doing what i need to do to make myself happy. i'm tired of being scared to make the decisions i want to make. i'm tired of using "i'm still growing up and figuring out what i'm doing" (i wrote about this a lot in january here) as an excuse to not take the leap and figure it out on my terms.

this was the year that i embraced myself and my identity fully for the first time, even if it's something still ever-changing. it took me until 2022 to acknowledge and accept that i wasn't a cis woman, but i still clung to making myself okay with she/her pronouns in addition to my preferred they/them and avoiding using the word "trans" at all costs. 2023 is the year i started to wear the trans label with pride and i slowly, surely, shook away the parts of me that were afraid of change. i'm still working on that daunting concept of letting other people have insight into the most vulnerable parts of who you are, and i feel like i always will be, but i am millions of miles ahead of where i was twelve months ago when it comes to being confident about what i want and what i need in that respect.

a lot of that is due to the people i surrounded myself with this year. i have had the immense privilege of forming friendships with some of my heroes, and conversely, of watching some longtime friends become heroes. the people that i hold closest to me at the end of 2023 are people who i got to watch advocate for themselves and for others all year long, be that through picket lines, through strength in their personal life, through layoffs, through championing for marginalized people in media, etc. i am so lucky to have the chance to learn from these people and how they live their lives every day. and i find myself lately waking up grateful that i feel cared for and loved by the people i've chosen, in ways i didn't know i could be.

2023 was the year that i connected with the things i love more than i've ever gotten to before. entirely gone is any lingering shame i had about enjoying media, fandoms, stories. getting excited about stuff is cool, actually, and life is short. i had a conversation with an actor i admire and adore so much who said that it's incredibly stupid to pretend to be inhuman and above having things that bring us joy, and i took that to heart. i got to do things like attend premieres and work on promotion for things i'm obsessed with, and i was unabashed about my love for what i choose to consume. this fall, one of the first people i saw after making a terrifying cross-country move was my idol growing up, who i'd crossed paths with a bunch already earlier in the year. that person told me how proud they were of me (and followed up later with a message repeating that) and in a way, that made my teenage self feel so, so proud of me too.

in that vein...this was the year that "i know i would be happy moving to LA, but that's a pipe dream for someday" quickly became closing my eyes, taking a breath, and making the leap. most of the process still feels like it was a blackout, honestly. out of nowhere i had suddenly packed my entire life into a car, left the only place i've been my entire life, and drove 41 hours on my own to an apartment i'd rented without seeing and a roommate i'd never met in person. it was the best decision i've ever made. something that had always felt out of place finally clicked into where it was supposed to be. i adopted a cat on impulse two weeks after moving and with that as the cherry on top...i just truly have spent the last several months finally feeling that wholehearted fulfillment other people talk about and that i never totally understood.

there's so, so much more i could write about, from trips to disneyland, to parties, to relationships. but this is getting so long already, so i'll just add some pictures below and leave it at: i am so thankful for 2023. i am so excited for 2024. let's see what it brings, good or bad.

#personal

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brw · 1 year

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are the avengers cops? how does any of this works comics are so confusing

are the avengers cops ; no. at least, not originally, and not really until 9/11, but then I would argue that the majority of superhero teams including the xmen have fed into propaganda for the military since 9/11. before that though, the avengers were really not cops; they all actively hate and resent the government agent henry gyrich who is supposed to be their overseer, i mean, vision, Wanda, Beast, and im pretty sure sam all physically wanted to beat the shit out of him. in one issue of the avengers, beast says to simon williams while flying to help some russian people "there's no american before our name". Vision was often used to discuss minority politics under comics code authority, as was Wanda.

after 9/11, they have become much more militarised, I'll admit that, but again, I'd argue that also applies to the Justice League or anyone else. But that definitely isn't reflective of the Avengers as a whole and dismissing them as cops or feds is just dumb because various avengers characters have actively had stories about the corruption of the military and the police force and police violence or police apathy; similarly, the xmen became cops during x-treme x-men, so you can't really claim one team to be one way and make excuses for another.

And yeah, it's a problem... I don't want to say it's exclusive to xmen fans but I'll be honest, I haven't seen comic Avengers fans or comic FF fans or comic GOTG or Inhumans or whatever fans act the same way in the same volume; you might get the odd person making fun of the X-Men but they are few and in between. And I like the X-Men; Armando Muñoz is one of my fave characters who I am constantly starved for content of, and Ororo and Kurt and the rest go without saying as being great characters. But there's just this weird like... inate anger towards the Avengers, the Fantastic Four, for some reason and I don't know why? I mean, I mostly blame those podcasts ( you know who ) who constantly make excuses for like... bodysnatcher betsy but the avengers all get painted with the cop brush and are just not discussed unless to clown on them. Which is fine, but then dont act like you have zero influence on fandom perceptions of these characters 😭

Anyway, genuinely, there should be more willingness to be just apathetic. Like, if you haven't read the FF, you can just say oh , they're not my thing, you don't need to talk about how Reed Richards is anti-mutant and a cop and has personally murdered your mother, like cmon 😭 again, I'm sure fans of other comic teams are also guilty of this, but it is by large a phenomenon in x-men circles and it's annoying because it kind of keeps me from reaching out to other fans, like I actually LIKE these guys but if you're also telling me how much these other characters that I'm really passionate about suck ass then I don't want to interact with you! I stop feeling passionate about these characters because I feel like everyone who likes them vehemently hates the other guys I'm into! It's just disheartening a lot of the time for people with eggs in more than one basket I think.

But there are plenty comic communities that are okay, I mean, I'm having a pretty good time on the small ant-man fandom! By nature of how divisive Hank is, a lot of people are already used to people having other opinions so it's mostly chill, and there are a few discords I'm part of that are nice and chill! It's just sort of hard to find them, especially on twitter, beyond like, a few FF fans and the very small comic Scarletvision fandom everyone there is so aggressive it's not a fun time 😭 keep searching tho anon, there are good communities out there! Just hard to find through the qrts of the official marvel account sudjdndbhffh

#asks #anonymous

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motherhenna · 10 months

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It's that time of the year where I randomly start obsessing over your Twilight re-imagining again. It's insane how much your art has improved seeing as it was already brilliant to begin with! You've kept such a distinct "you" style while also developing upon it and creating beautiful linework and rendering. I was wondering if there's any more you can share about your Twilight AU. IIRC you mentioned that Carlisle is an antagonist in this project? Would love to hear more!

aw gosh thank you omg yeah I definitely think about it from time to time and play around with different ideas still. One of the big departures I've made from the original is setting it in Alaska, considering it's is still very much a "final frontier" sort of location with a lot of the same aesthetics as the pacific northwest but with the threat of long periods of darkness looming over the characters, and a much more intense feeling of isolation, seeing how rural most communities there are. Another is that it'll be happening in the 90's; partially just because I don't like writing anything contemporary, but also because it would solve some of the plot holes created by the characters having easy access to cell phones and the internet.

I'm not really the queen of plot, so most of my musings have been on characters and worldbuilding. The main goal with the former is giving them 3 dimensionality: hobbies, goals, fears, flaws, histories, etc. There have been some big character name changes, for one. Isabella Swan > Winona Hawk ; Edward Cullen > Caleb Tynan. Also, Charlie isn't a cop anymore because acab lol he's a park ranger now--that way he'd still have ready access to things like flares, bear spray, and guns, and possess an obvious motivation for getting to the bottom of the mysterious murders that have been taking place in and around the small town of Nadir (a town that doesn't exist irl, but is based off the town Hyder, Alaska).

The most thought I've put in the Carlisle plot would be that it would be interesting to feature an antagonist who genuinely meant well in the beginning, but gets so swept up in his noble, lofty goals that he becomes monstrous along the way. With the desire to isolate the cause of vampire "immortality", Carlisle transforms "undesirable" patients (ie marginalized or isolated individuals who can go missing without causing an uproar) into vampires before subjecting them to all sorts of inhumane tests and experiments. Not sure where this would lead, but it would be an interesting thing to explore.

Feel free to DM me if you want to chat about any of these things! Most of my ideas are super loose and floaty, as I'm better at prose, character development, and elements of world-building than coming up with cool plots and twists and such. I imagine that if I ever were to write a story like this, it would have to be with a co-author who's better at the technical and plotting elements than I am lol. I also have a pinterest board if you just like the pacific northwest gothic aesthetic haha

#ask #anonymous #anon #twilight re imagined

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seasurfacefullofclouds1 · 2 years

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do you ever feel as though your adoration for Louis and disdain for Harry is in part a projection of your faith in certain rhetoric? I really like Louis, I thoroughly despise Harry. But I wonder if my perceptions, to any degree, are in fact less about the music/personality and more about symbolism. For me, Louis represents winning with honesty and idealism-- never cutting corners, never letting anyone else become collateral damage to the wind of ambition, never cheating or grifting or scamming or sleazing or bullshitting. No pomp or parade, just purposeful presence. Being sincere doesn't mean being naive, but being smart shouldn't requisite being scummy, yano? But I've never in my life ever come across a single person who's won anything that way. The kids who get into Harvard from my school follow essay ghost writing services on Insta and cheat through school, plagiarizing the projects that win them awards. Those same kids will go on to be the latest YC entrepreneurs raking in a shit ton of VC funding from the parents of their rich legacy admit peers. Those "entrepreneurs" get on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list, and then pull an Elizabeth Holmes or Richard Sackler on all of us. But only after accumulating hordes of imperishable wealth and notoriety-- only after reserving a space amongst the successful in history books. A state school kid could be just as smart as the smartest person at Harvard, hustle as hard as humanly imaginable, but it's unlikely that they'd ever get a foot in the door to the upper echelons of society or success because nothing can compete with having friends in high places. The odds aren't in favor of the honest. That's what Harry represents to me. He represents the depraved reality in which the only apparent way to "win" is to cheat and scam and hurt. And if you weren't cheating and scamming and hurting from the start to weasel your way forward, then it's too late because that door is already closed. Louis represents something better, but perhaps something in vain. When Louis says have faith in the future, it's echoed by Harry saying face the future and accept that the prospects are dismal. I don't know, I feel like maybe I latch on to Louis because he feels like the closest thing to an honest winner. But yeah, symbolism and idolatry is a lot of pressure to put on a stranger, especially when they didn't ask for it. It's just hard to separate the rhetoric from the art, to be here just for the music and not the symbolism. Makes me wonder if I'm any better than being a Larry, using a whole individual human being as a rhetorical device for my ideology, the way Larries use him for a fetish or fantasy. In summary, I suppose my dilemma is that I want to see Louis win, I'm just not sure what the right reasons are for wanting someone to win. Do people truly just have unconditional love for others, or is their always an element of rhetoric, maybe pity or sympathy or empathy or familiarity?

Hi there,

[[MORE]]

I have a few thoughts, some personal and some more universal.

First, the personal. I AM biased. As much as I try to be objective, my past experience in this fandom influences my love for Louis and disdain for Harry. The way that Harries and Larries have constantly harassed me and other Louies for years— calling us Rads, cockroaches, fascists, Hitler (literally)— the way they leave ruthlessly inhumane anons in my and other people’s inboxes, make blogs just to hate and harass other fans, all of this behavior changes my perception of the idols. How many Louis UAs have folded because of the pressure? How many fans have been bullied into leaving?

Now, I can understand what you mean by using Louis and Harry as symbols of universal ethical standards. Like it or not, they do act as role models for their fans. We imitate their fashion and speech. We adopt their tastes in music. We buy their merch and chant their slogans (TPWK, Faith in the Future). We DO idealize and simplify who they are. Because we only see a tiny part of their personal lives, we cannot know how they behave privately, what choices they make.

But as you illustrated, the consequences of their choices do eventually, piece by piece, month by month, year by year, reveal a three-dimensional person with consistent values and principles. A person like Louis with meticulous eye for details and a perfectionist bent will take time to pay attention to his own presentation, whether it’s song lyrics or fashion or tour graphics. A person like Harry who is used to letting others do it for him will be less consistent, more likely to do what is ostentatious and trendy, more interested in creating outrage and gossip. This observation doesn’t come from our idealization of them: it is a fact built from a decade of watching them as public figures.

We “project” our ideas of Harry and Louis because of their real actions and the consequences therein, not because of some random depictions in fics of tabloids.

But the flip side of your argument is a cautionary tale not to treat them like puppets. I’ve said before that Louis is NOT a perfect human being. No one can be. He makes bad decisions on occasion. It is okay to recognize his flaws; the sky isn’t going to fall, we don’t have to cancel him every time he does something we don’t like. Conversely, Harry can be truly kind at times, amusing and charming. He is truly talented. He can be all these things and still be motivated by selfishness and greed.

We can recognize our own flaws in reasoning and still try to see things in an objective way. Ethics is not an easy subject to study— the schools of moral philosophy are also often conflicting (Kant’e categorical imperative vs. Mill’s utilitarianism can reach diametrically opposite conclusions)!

But fandom is also not only about choosing the fairest thing. That would be incredibly tedious! It’s about connecting with people who speak to us, who give us joy when we need it, who provide hope in intangible ways, who make us feel loved and safe, who have given us indelible memories.

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sinisters-superior · 1 year

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Dark Iron strange Rp anybody?

I'm currently looking for rpers willing to play Sinister Strange . I have several plots in mind and I'd love to hear any ideas you have as well. I do double ups and have 4+years of experience rping so any timeline , including comicwise is up for option.

Info about me :

-Literacy : semi-lit, lit, novella

-Themes: 18+, mature, dark romance, fantasy, action, angst..(I'm up to mostly everything )

Plot ideas :

Ever since the death of Tony Stark , Stephen hasn't been able to escape the nightmare plaguing him. The man he loved was gone. Trapped in a fixed point in time, it drove the sorcerer to his breaking point. Turning to dark magic - dream walking in a variant’s body but he was already a master of the mystic arts. Nothing else mattered now, even as he scoured a new Earth, where the other Strange had been. In his varient's body. A sense of hope came to him, he was alive… but little did he know of how much bitterness and cruelty the man had become. All Sinister knew was he had to find him, despite the Scarlet Witch's desires with the fallen hero. Tony was a being changed and created by chaos magic, the very same she needed to get her children back. But that didn't mean he'll stop now, not when the fate of being reunited with his beloved remained inches away. He was going to get him back no matter the cost even if it meant getting rid of anyone in his path.

For years before encountering the other male, Tony had lived in vain , always making the false image of himself stand out against his group. The illuminati, now a distrustful rogue guided by power and corrupt morality though he wasn't seen that way by everyone. Deep down inside, he ached to not be alone. Broken and unloved as he had been ever since his universe's Pepper left him to be who he became now. A superior version of himself, extremis tore and erased. That had been until the sorcerer gave up his title, defending the inhuman race he had under his control. Everything was slipping out of his power… then..he met him…..Fighting the same demons…falling further into admiration for the other… feeling….himself again… but he was far from a happy ending....

Starter example :

Superior's pov:

Memories of those closest faded away, replaced by countless versions that no longer held a meaning. New York City, once his home filled with life. While everything had been taken away in a flash. Pepper. Rhody . Morgan . stayed as stray thoughts. Tony remembered feeling close to death, blood staining now beautifully restored skin. There was a red flash of light in the sky, turning gold. His body grew weak until everything darkened.

𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒑𝒉𝒆𝒏..

He whispered,seeing familiar blue eyes being dimmed by a last breath leaving the other's body. They lost,everyone. All the pain creeping back inside.

When it stopped, a voice softly guided Tony's eyes open to a shadowed smile. No more pain, just the sound of mummers speaking. Warning against moving. He froze, tensing from the gaze.

" What did you do to me?!,...I'm supposed to be dead, I saw you die Stephen. .... We lost everybody" The words seemed to come out croaky , reflecting the resistance his mind kept going against. Heart thumping faster, in the new breath. Suddenly, he heard the sound of people's voices confront him. It felt real enough. Though the brunette stop speaking as the reality around him tore away. Revealing nothing more than a isolated enclosed room, looking down he saw his hands binded by glowing red magic, that grew thicker when he tried moving. Cautiously watching and sensing the darker aura . It couldn't be a nightmare, Tony looked into the eyes of the talking people, seeing from the clear barriered cell his reflection. He saw a cold replace the warmth against his skin like an illusion. Silver metal stripped of all red and gold. The suit felt alive and his eyes dangerously met their own. "Don't think your little trick is working. I can see clearly where I am"

Stephen's pov:

Stephen Strange

- Earth 838-

It was as though the entire world around Stephen went blank. Choking and strangling him with an imaginary pull forcing in new voices. Voices he knew were the damned. They surrounded each breath he took. Controlling each movement. Reminding the Supreme harshly that this wasn't his body anymore.

What he'd never admitted to himself about Tony's death. Had been how much he cared. How he regretted his choice to sacrifice a life. Without having any meaning at all. The man, another variant loved in the unknown universes.

Too late.. too late One demon spoke in whispers. Losing all feeling again, the phantom hands drag him down.. down into the darkness he knew would be impossible to escape.

NO, no, Yells turned into faint mummers, rawing his throat as he tried finding anyone. Anything to stop the nightmare .

If your interested feel free to shoot me a pm on Discord

my discord is :∆°Tony°∆#9730

#ironstrange roleplay #sinister strange #superior ironman

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thschei · 3 months

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Okay, I was going to make this post the day it happened, but I was already really distraught & felt like typing it all out would just like push me over the edge, and I still had to survive NYE fireworks. I decided to at least wait until after the 1st, but then Life Things kept happening, so I didn't get around to it until now.

My righteous anger has mostly simmered down, so but I think it'll probably still get long, so this'll be another read more post. TW for mentions of animal death, emotional abuse, and declawing

To be 100% super duper crystal clear: I am entirely against declawing; it's unethical and cruel and inhumane. This will become abundantly clear as the post goes on, but I just have seen too many pointless disc hoarse posts filled with people who gleefully, willfully misinterpret posts for any reason to harass people. I'm not going to leave myself open to people who'd send me death threats without even reading the full post. As it is, I'm turning reblogs off bc I don't want my post about my cat dying to be reblogged, but if I need to I can turn anon/asks in general off.

So. At 11PM on the 29th of Dec my cat gets hurt, we get to the vet by 12:30, and by 3AM he died. We got home by 4:30AM and none of us could sleep. We were all still awake at 10AM, and dreading the fact that it was a 3-day weekend and we'd have to face all of it trapped with our thoughts without having our normal day-to-day routines to buffer the first 3 days.

We know a lot of energy vampire type people. Liars, manipulators, people who'd come over to our house just to steal something for funsies, abusers. One of my mom's sisters was an accessory to murder. The same one stole my mom's SSN to open credit cards with. I have more examples, but my family tree bullshit could be its own post. A lot of them are in our family and there's some my mom basically has to keep in contact with due to her job.

So, it's 10AM, and my mom is dreading the 2-5 energy-draining people who consistently text her all day long, no matter what's going on or how busy she is. She can be with a patient who's actively in the process of dying, and they'll just text her "?" repeatedly when she doesn't respond.

She decides to tell these people about our cat dying the night before, in hopes that they'll give her space. Unfortunately, abusers like these people love to violate unsaid boundaries like this, so nothing less than blocking numbers/turning off her phone would work. But it's a step towards being able to say "no" that I've been trying to help her with, so we're going to be proud of her for it.

I don't want to use this person's name because as shitty as they are, they deserve privacy, so I'm going to use her initial.

V . responds . "Oh. My sister is trying to rehome her cat, maybe you can take it?"

So let's go over the timeline again. 11PM on the 29th -> 10AM on the 30th. In less than 12 hours since our cat died, V is trying to shove her sister's cat at us. Please don't try to give her the benefit of the doubt or say she was trying to help us feel better. There's not a single thing this person does that comes without ulterior motives; I've known her since 2015. She goes to strangers' funerals so she can brag about it later. She doesn't feed her own cat wet food, not because she can't afford it, but because she'd rather buy cheap dry food at the dollar store and spend the entire rest of her money on herself, like going on cruises/vacations while I petsit her cat. (And use our own wet food for her cat because it's cruel and fucked up and genuinely a detriment to a cat's health to only feed them dry food). This suggestion was nothing short of an impulsive launch at an opportunity to make her life more convenient, by finding a new home for her sister's cat, so her sister would stop complaining or asking her to take the cat.

My family has always had pets, and I'm the youngest in our house, so by the time I was born, a lot of our pets were already getting old and sick (12-15 for dogs, 20-25 for cats). The first pet that died in my lifetime was our dog Killer, when I was 4. My dad had already died, so I didn't need any lies about going to live on a farm or something. And of course it's always sad, but we've always felt like the best thing you can do to ease that pain is take in a new pet and provide them with a home. You get mutual love and happiness from each other, and day by day it gets easier. But, like, you take in that new pet after maybe a month or so. Not a fucking day.

Before continuing, for some extra context, 2 of our cats already had been from V.

The first one, Joey, she only had for a few months before becoming convinced he was peeing all over the house (hint: it was her 20 yr old cat who had chronic kidney/urinary tract problems from being fed nothing but DRY FOOD FOR 20 YRS @%^#&*^*&@#) and offering him to my mom's sister, who ended up dying a few months after that. (We don't know why or how; coroner declined performing an autopsy.)

We call V and tell her what happened, because we don't know what to do with Joey. Her reaction is like, "Oh... hmm. Huh. That's really a shame. Let me know if you find someone who can take him."

As in, "NOT IT!"

They hang up and my mom stares blankly at her phone screen. I say we should just take him home instead of leaving him in the empty apartment and stressing about finding him a new owner.

Flash forward to December of 2020. V calls my mom crying, saying that her (now ex-)husband thinks their other cat, Smokey, peed on his expensive speakers and is threatening to divorce V unless they find a new home for Smokey. V says all the local shelters are full and when she looked into people who'll temporarily house cats for owners, they charge $200 per day. She says she needs to find Smokey a new home like, now. My mom says we'll help her find someone but V is like, her husband has Smokey locked in a cat carrier and says she won't be let out until they find her a new home, that kind of now. We're like, jesus fucking christ, silently. I mute my mom's phone and say "tell her we'll take her". I'm sure she would've said that anyway, but like, instinctual response to hearing the thing about the cat carrier.

(Btw, he divorced V the next year anyway. I wanted her to be away from him, because he's so abusive and mean. But it's so fucked up that he forced her to get rid of her cat with the threat/ultimatum of divorce, only to follow through with the threat anyway. He could've just divorced her and let her keep her cat!!! She had to deal with the heartbreak of a divorce without the comfort of a cat she spent 9 years with!!! He moved out of state, but every time I think about this, I wish I could go and break his kneecaps.)

The problem to that is that Smokey . is declawed . So she has to be separate from our other cats 24/7 for her own safety. None of our cats are very aggressive or get into "real" fights with each other, but they're still cats, with sharp teeth and claws, with predator instincts, who act on those instincts when they can tell another cat is weaker, whose instinct during a fight with another cat is to swipe at their stomach to disembowel them. That's not something you want to take a chance on. So Smokey is exclusively in my mom's bedroom. Over time, we've started to let her out for 20-30 minutes at a time with supervision, but that's the extent of what we can give her without putting her in danger, and it can't be done while doing chores like taking the trash out or doing the dishes. All because V declawed her fucking cats. (Not Joey, but only because he wasn't with her for very long.)

Okay, with that context established, let's go back to V texting us on Dec 30th.

Of course, we could rehome her to someone who didn't have other pets, but she spent 9 years with V, and has now spent 4 years with us. She's a 13 year old all-grey short-hair cat with a bald patch on her belly and on her front legs and below her ears, so it'd probably take a very long time to find someone who'd pick her over a cute kitten, and even longer stuck in a shelter if they had room. And if we had chosen not to be her permanent home, we would've been keeping her at arms' length the entire time, trying not to get attached.

How would that be fair to Smokey? She deserves a life where she spends as many days possible feeling wanted and loved and safe. That's what I set out to do, and I think I've achieved it as much as I possibly could, around her being declawed. I do love her and want her. And I do keep her safe, obviously. I spend as much time as I can with her; we cuddle, we play, we watch birds, I share food with her (when it's safe for cats, obv). With V she was always hiding under the bed and never meowed, just came out to eat. With us, she never hides, purrs non-stop, and is very very vocal. She gets wet food and treats, she sits in the middle of the bed like she owns the place. She gets to be a cat.

I leave my room to go check on my mom. She relays me the text. I say . "What the fuck is wrong with her? It hasn't even been a day."

I ask, "Is V's sister's cat declawed?"

We, like, talk about what a transparently selfish and inconsiderate person V is. I tell my mom I'm gonna try to sleep, but then I stop in the middle of the room.

It's a balancing act to watch out for 1 declawed cat with our other cats, so it would take more mental energy to strategize life around 2 declawed cats, especially with how often I'm asked to petsit. You have to factor in how much time you can spend out petsitting (I usually spend 5 hours there at a time), time you can spend with the Have Claws group of pets (including a dog), and time you can spend with the No Claws pet.

Despite the... misconceptions about cats being detached and aloof, they want (and need) to spend time with you. They want to cuddle, they want to hang out in the same room, they want to hear your voice, they want to play, they want to snooze in the presence of someone they feel safe around; they love you. Same as with dogs.

My mom says she'll find out.

I get some sleep, then I wake up. My mom tells me that no, V's sister's cat is not declawed; she can't find anyone in the state to do it. That's why she wants to rehome the cat.

",,,, How could anyone say that without being ashamed?"

My mom shrugs. "I don't know. I told her, 'wow, we're sitting here miserable because we wish we had our cat back, and your sister wants to get rid of hers because she can't mutilate it' I don't think she liked that because she stopped texting me back."

We laughed.

Silence is telling, you know? V's 20 year old cat died last year, and my mom and I spent months hoping to god that she wouldn't get a new cat, because we didn't want her to declaw it. She swore up and down she regretted doing it to her other cats and would never do it again, but she's also a liar. So after she did get a new cat, my mom and I have checked to see if she still has claws every time we go over. So far she does... but probably because V can't find anyone to do it either.

But then it stopped being so funny when I realized it was probably only a matter of time before one or both of them crossed state lines to look for a vet who'd do it. We can't exactly steal V's cat, but if we take in her sister's cat, we can save it from happening.

I don't really have a good way to finish this. We'd rather take in a cat off the street or from a shelter than have Three cats that came from the same asshole, but if V's sister does declaw her cat, we'll feel responsible for it happening, even if we know it's not our fault.

I just wanted to post about how fucking insane it is to try to pawn off your (sibling's) cat less than 24 hours after someone's cat died. She's almost 70 and has no mental illnesses; she knows better. She's just an asshole.

#erin talks #text #this is vvvvery long so don't feel obligated to read/don't feel bad if you don't #I just felt like I needed to include all the details/context so no one tries to give V the benefit of the doubt #I have . a complex about ppl reacting to my vent posts by naively suggesting that what others did was an accident or not their fault #that's part of why I spent a Long time not making personal posts

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