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ye-olde-sodor · 3 months

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“You still don’t get it, do you?” A Villain!Percy one shot fic!

Psst, @puffpal7 remember that Villain Au of Percy you mentioned? Here you go :3

Thomas struggled to open his eyes. His body ached and his eyes stun. He tried to move, but he groaned in pain as he did. He was half tempted to just shut his eyes again, and go back to sleep, but the sight of an unfamiliar room replaced his weariness and pain with panic.

His eyes shot open as he scanned the room. Boxes and other clutter littered the ground while spiderwebs were tucked away in corners and crevasses. The only light in the room came from the night sky that seeped into the room from a nearby window. The rest of the room was covered in darkness.

He tried to get up, but he found his limbs tied to the chair he was sitting on. He tried to break the bonds holding him but they wouldn't budge. Panic turned to desperation as he tugged and pulled at the ropes, and as he did so the chair only creaked and groaned. Try as he might, he just couldn't break them.

Suddenly, he heard the creaking of an old wooden door. His head darted to the left, and he was relived when he saw who it was.

"Percy! Oh thank the Lady, I thought I'd never see you again! Where have you been?! We've been looking all over for-"

"Shut it." Percy replied coldly.

Thomas was stunned by the reply. "What?"

Percy shut the door behind him, and stepped closer to Thomas. As soon as the moonlight hit Percy's body, Thomas saw the drastic change in his friend. His once long and green hair was now black and didn't even touch his shoulders. His eyes felt meaner, colder even, as they glared at the man in the chair. Thomas felt his body turn cold and stiff at the changes.

"Percy...what's gotten into you? What's going on?! Where am I?!" Thomas cried in desperation for some sort of comfort from his friend.

Percy's face turned into a scowl as Thomas tried to remember how he had gotten here. "You really don't remember, do you?"

"Remember what?!" Thomas cried out. "Percy, this isn't funny! Let me go!"

"You still don't get it, do you?"

Desperation grew into terror and confusion. "Get what?! What don't I get?! Talk to me!"

"Thomas, you know damn well what this is about," he began, "It's about us. It's about me. It's about me being in your shadow since the Reverend first wrote about us!"

"I was always the small guy!" Percy went on angerly. "I was always the baby of the team! The Green Thomas! The weird little guy that follows Thomas! Just another character for Thomas to talk to and mock! No one even bothers to listen to me because of it!"

Percy threw his hands up. "Half of the people on this island don't even know my name, Thomas! My NAME. Even after I've been delivering their mail for over sixty years!"

"You will never understand what that feels like. How much that hurts me!" He yelled at the man tied to the chair.

Thomas was stunned by what his friend had told him, but he felt shame more so then betrayal. He hadn't realized how his friend had been feeling, and now that he did, he suddenly understood why he was avoiding him.

"Percy, I didn't-"

"You didn't know?" he interrupted with a sad smile on his face as he went on. "I'll admit, that was one me...If I wasn't such a pushover back then I would've said something. Maybe things would've been better."

"But now," he went on with a smirk, "Now I can...and now I'm going to make everyone know how they've wronged us!"

"...Us?" Thomas questioned.

"The Diesels. Or more specifically...Diesel 10."

"10?!" Thomas yelled in shock. "Why would you help Diesel 10?! Out of all the diesels-"

"Don't you remember when I brought you here? Don't you remember seeing how run down this place is?"

Thomas frantically tried to remember what Percy was refering to, and as he did so it finally came together. Supplies from the Steamworks have been going missing, and eventually Kevin himself disapeared.

Victor and Thomas split up to search for him, but he somehow ended up at Vickarstown. He must've taken a wrong turn somewhere, because the last thing he remembers was rushing into a decrepit building and being grabbed by Den and Dart.

He remembered the dark and derelict building that was falling apart at the seams. It recked of oil, grease, and other much fouler smells Thomas didn't want to recall. His nose burned at the memory.

He remembered being shocked at how ruined everything was, and being mortified that there were people living in such a wasteland. The Diesels that he was friends with were sleeping on matts next to barrel fires. He felt sick upon seeing it.

Percy saw the look of shock and realization his Thomas' face, and so he went on with a smirk.

"Topham doesn't listen to the Diesels...just like how you and everyone else didn't listen to me. They know what it's like. Unlike everyone else, they get me!" He yelled at him.

"Percy, 10 is an evil diesel!" Thomas yelled. "He's just using you to get what he wants!"

"Oh he probably is," Percy said nonchalantly, "Knowing the history between you two he'll robably use me as bait to get you to rush to the rescue...But I have a plan for him should he try to do such a thing."

He stepped closer to Thomas, gently leaning over the chair, with his grin growing into a manic smile.

"You could say I picked up a few of his habits."

Suddenly, a knock on the door brought the two men out of their thoughts.

"Ey Perc!" Bert yelled from the other side of the door. "We're almost ready to go! Boss is waiting for ya!"

"Already?!" Percy yelled. "I thought we needed another hour?!"

"Nope! The Steamworks crane is locked up and the supplies are all counted for!"

"Damn, I can't believe Dennis actually did something!" Percy whispered to himself. "Alright we'll head out in a moment!" He yelled back.

"Percy, please" Thomas begged. "This isn't going to work! You're going to get people hurt. You'll get hurt!"

"I appreciate the concern," Percy mocked, "But as you'll soon see, I am the one pulling the strings here! Not him, not you, not anyone else but me!...Now if you'll excuse me...I have a Steamworks to steal."

Percy turned his back on his former friend as Thomas continued to reason with him. His pleas fell on death ears as Percy calmly walked out of the storage room, closing and locking the door behind him.

Thomas, both out of desperation and frustration at himself, tugged at the ropes again, but this time he could feel something begin to bend. With a might heave, he heard the chair crack underneath him. It was a small crack, meaning that it would take some time to fully break the chair, but Thomas had found a new sense of hope.

#ttte #ttte thomas #ttte percy #ttte au #ttte humanized #this has been in my drafts for months lmao #since november of last year-#yikes #be free my son-

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duckies27 · 27 days

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Look, I spent like 5 straight hours finishing season 1 yesterday so you get some frickin DnDads fanfic

SPOILERS FOR SEASON 1 AHEAD

Trigger warning: Mentions of death, attempted murder, abuse, general trauma struggles, and other triggers for Willy's bull

@demis-alted cuz he really is my inspiration for everything

@beeware-of-lulu because you also like DnDads :)

Henry shifted awake in the middle of the night to the soft buzzing of his phone. He sat up in bed, glancing to the screen. "Ron Man", it had been ringing for a few seconds. At 2 am, what could he possibly be calling about? Henry answered, yawning softly.

"Hey Ron, is everything okay?"

"...it happened again." Ron's voice quivered on the other line. A sure sign of another nightmare induced panic attack. Henry could practically hear his friend holding back tears on the other side.

The half-elf slid his glasses on (now prescription thanks to Darryl) and carefully stood from the bed. "Just let me slide on a pair of shoes, I'll be right there." Though his wife stirred, he quietly hushed her back to rest. Samantha and Mercedes had tried to help with this in the past, but...they weren't there. They didn't see the fear in Ron's eyes as they watched by that lake, the rawness in the voice of the poor 13 year old who screamed for his life under the water. He got up, slid into some boxers and his trusty Birkenstocks before getting onto his bike and heading over.

You think this Hippie drives a car? No, EV's are equally bad for the environment. He can pump his legs and get there just fine. After locking up his bike, he knocked on the door to the quaint suburban house. Ron was at the door fast, his face stained with tears and hands shaking.

"Hi." He quietly muttered, looking to the taller dad, guilt in his eyes. "I know it's late."

"And I know how bad these attacks get. Especially when one of us isn't here." Henry easily slipped his way in, grabbing onto Ron's hand and sitting down in his living room. The two shared a couch as Henry pressed Ron's fingers to his wrist. They sat in silence for a moment while Ron calmed down to the beating of Henry's heart.

While the druid was just in a pair of boxers and his shoes, scars from their adventures in Faerun clear as day, Ron was more hidden. He was wearing a giant shirt, seemingly a gift from Samantha to get around his pants curse. He was also still wearing his thigh highs from the Mall, with the strange pockets behind his knees. His arms and neck were swallowed by the shirt, and he easily stuck his knees into it for extra comfort. He was more ashamed of the scars, mainly because they weren't in "manly" places.

"So, how has therapy been?" Henry finally asked, breaking the silence.

"Good. Not as good as Dr. Not Me, but it's...good. I wish the process was faster, would make nights like these less...painful." He curled into himself, hugging his knees tighter to his chest. "I just feel so pathetic...Darryl and you, you both seem so fine after...everything."

"Darryl didn't relive his worst memories. I didn't have to face my abusive father." He hesitated. "Well, not alone. Willy was way worse then-"

Ron glared at him. "Samantha says to never compare trauma."

Henry forced a chuckle. "Yeah, yeah. I know." He glanced around the room, noticing the lure resting on the mantel. The same lure that killed Willy. The same lure that almost killed Ron. The hook had been removed, and it seemed as if it was placed and then promptly forgotten. It had been a rough transition from the forgotten realms back to Earth, so it wasn't surprising. "Bud, do you want to call Darryl?"

"And have him laugh at me? No, no, he has important stuff tomorrow, it's his busy day." The business man waved it off, looking away.

"He would never laugh."

"Willy would."

"Darryl isn't Willy. He might not drive the beast down to come be with us in your house but he'll wait on call with you until you feel better." Henry gripped his hands through the shirt, eyes soft. "Just like those nights on the beach with Arin and the boys. Just like when we were sleeping in the van."

"...what if he changed? It's been a month or so, it was so hard in Faerun, what if he hates me?!" Ron hid his face in the shirt, both hands shooting to the back of his neck. It throbbed during panic attacks, as if Willy's hand was still there.

Drowning him.

Henry had similar sensations, mainly in his hands. The small cuts from repairing the mirror that got him here, all keeping it secret just to get that extra look of approval from Barry. He gripped his hands shut, trying to ignore it. The living room fell back into silence before Henry picked up his phone and called Darryl.

Affectionately called "DarrBear" in his phone, originally because he got the number from Carol. He was going to change it before Faerun, but now it was just a funny joke. Darryl didn't know, he would probably try and change it, but fail. The phone rang a few times longer then either of them wanted before a very sleepy coach picked up the phone.

"Wilson Residence, Darryl speaking." He sounded groggy, he was the heaviest sleeper among the dads. "What'cha want? Hen, it's like 3 am, I've got therapy with Carol tomorrow-"

Henry quickly cut him off, knowing what would wake him. "Ron had another attack. Can you just talk to him for a bit?"

Ron's eyes widened and he shook his head, trying to take the phone away and end the call. Henry heard shuffling, a light turning on, and then the small grunt of Darryl sitting down in his office.

"Hand me over."

Without much pressure, Henry slid the phone to Ron. The moment the phone was in his hands, he was on his feet and pacing. Biting his nails, rubbing his neck, but it was clear. Darryl's voice calmed all three of them down, even in the worst situations. Henry was great at the physical calm down, stopping rage or fear with his body language and coping techniques, but Darryl was great at the full grounding. They just seemed to be a good team. For the most part at least. Memories flashed back in his head, thinking of Darryl talking him through losing Lark and Sparrow the first time after the Pyramid. How he managed to bring Glen back to earth after how pissed he was at Ron.

After an hour of talking, switching between phones so they wouldn't overheat, and a lot of pacing, Ron was calm again. He rolled up his sleeves on the giant shirt and looked at Henry. The rogue saw... exhaustion. Henry had just gotten out of the hospital a few weeks back after the Doodler incident and it was clear to see everything was still affecting them both. He put a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"...we made it out alive."

"And our children are safe. And our wives are alive." The half-elf forced a small smile. "But it's okay to not be okay."

"Couldn't say it better myself."

#dungeons and daddies #henry oak #ron stampler #darryl wilson #dndads #dndaddies #mini fic #not shippy #trigger warning #spoiler warning #i'm so normal about them

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nerdylolo · 6 months

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"I spent two hundred years using my body to lure pretty things back for my Master. What I wanted, how I felt about what I was doing, it never mattered. You could have asked me to do the same - to throw myself at her, what I wanted be damned. But you didn't. And I'm grateful." and

"I don't know. But isn't it nice? Not to know. You're not a victim. Not a target. Not just one night it's better to forget. But then... whatever in the world could you be?" and

"No one ever looked out for me. No one ever said a kind thing to me. You're the only one. Other people don't have a heart like you. You're you. No one is like that." and

"It feels ridiculous to still be thinking about Cazador. He's gone, I'm here - I won. But I still keep reliving everything that happened. Playing it over and over in my mind." and

"I had nothing for so long. Nothing. Not even my own body. I will not give it up, now it's mine again." and

"I don't hate you. Because this is not you. But whatever this is, you will get through it. And I'll be here to make sure you do." and

"You get to start over. To be the person you want to be - not what someone else made you to be." and

"I don't think I want you to think of me in terms of sex. I don't know if I want anyone to." and

"I had nothing for so long. Nothing. Not even my own body. I will not give it up, now it's mine again." and

"I've been dead in the ground for long enough. It's time to try living again. With everything life has to offer." and

"You were by my side through all of this. Through bloodlust and pain and misery. You were patient. You cared. You trusted me when that was an objectively stupid thing to do. I feel safe with you. Seen. And whatever the future holds for me, I don't want to lose that."

#op #text #astarion #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #lolo rambles #astarion ancunin

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butterflies-and-yuta · 10 months

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I'll Always Love You: Johnny

Preview: You always had suffer from depression and when you and your boyfriend Johnny had a altercation that went too far, you couldn't take it and decided to just finally leave this place for once and for all. But what if Johnny regretted it, and what is happening for him.......

Warning: Suicide, Blood, Depression, Violent Assault, Johnny being a jerk and regretting it.....

Y/N P.O.V

As you stand on the rooftop of my apartment near the edge of where you could see the street below me, you kept thinking about how you'll never be good enough for anyone and reliving the moments that made you into an negative mindset that not even many pills didn't help you out with it, and now what happened between you and your boyfriend just pushed you over the limit that you couldn't take anymore.

That's when it came up, as your life flashes in front of your eyes, you replayed the memories of yourself seeing Johnny talking to other woman while he allowed some of them to flirt with him, even making you more upset when you saw one pull him in for a kiss on the cheek, and when you tried confronting him about it, he had the nerves to argue with you about it even though it's his fault.

And then there it was, the moment he slapped you across the face with his hand while making you fall onto the floor cause of how painful it was, you turned your head to look at him with a shocked reaction on your face that turned into an upset one that had disturbed in it from what he did to you, you couldn't take it anymore, you had to get out of there as fast as you could, and you tried to until he grabbed your wrist and tried to pull you back into the apartment but you got out of it and just arrived at your car with some people looking at you because of the mark on your face and also your face being red and eyes swollen from all the crying you did so you just went into your car and drove back to your apartment without causing any trouble.

As soon as you arrived back to my apartment, that's when everything got the best of you, for your entire life, you'd always got told you didn't deserve happiness, you didn't belong in a relationship no matter what, it even got it to a point where someone told you that you deserve to die.

As you closed your eyes, you stepped off the edge and fell onto the top of a car that a couple owned. That moment you knew you fell into the light, and that moment, you knew you were gonna be in a better place.

Johnny's P.O.V

I drove all the way to (Y/N) place's to say I was sorry until I saw police and ambulance there and people surrounding the area, so I parked my car and walked towards the scene until I saw her there, her lifeless body being put in a body bag, there she was, no longer breathing, not even moving, blood coming out of her head as her body was being put in a body bag, It felt like something just shot me.

As I ran towards her, picking up her body, holding her in my arms, I told her that I was sorry for what I did to her and why she did this until the police took me away from her, not even me yelling out she's my girlfriend didn't help either. As the police guided me away from the scene, I saw her body being packed up into the back of the ambulance so I ran towards it and told the people there that she's my partner, however I got rejected again due to confidential reasons.

So I got into my car and followed the ambulance until they arrived at the hospital where I parked my car somewhere close to the hospital and ran towards her body in the bag where the nurses dragged her into a surgery room, unfortunately I had to wait outside until I got news from them.

After waiting for hours, one of the doctors left the surgery room they were in and that got me covered in anxiety, so I went towards them and asks them about

(Y/N) if she's okay. That's when I got the news that the woman I fell in love is now deceased, apparently her cause of death was suicide, I can't believe she did it, she ended her life because of me, all because of me and what I did to her, I wish I didn't did what I did to her, I wish to have her back in my arms again.

5 months later

From that day forward on, I couldn't focused on things anymore, especially planning her funeral since her family couldn't bother with it. I couldn't take it, seeing her coffin, with videos and pictures of her before she ended it, she was always smiling in those photos and always laughing in the videos, now looking at then all I could think of is how she must've suffered because of her life.

After the funeral, I'd stayed with my parents for bit because of it, I couldn't stay in my apartment because of what happened, I needed to move somewhere, I needed a fresh start, so I decided to sell the apartment I used to live and (Y/N's) apartment after everything that happened, I couldn't take it just based on the facts that (Y/N) is gone and I'll never be able to see her again because of it. After a bit, I started packing up most of (Y/N's) items and brought them back to a storage shed my parents have that they never use.

As I finished doing all of that after a couple of months, I sat down on my childhood bed and looked at the photos me and her took over the past few years we were together for. I couldn't help but to break down again after seeing the photos, I still couldn't get over the fact that she's gone, the woman that I fell in love with is no longer in this world and now I have to deal with that.

I knew she had problems with her life and I tried to make it better for her, but I only became one of the many people that just made it worst for her, I wish I helped her, I wish I tried enough, I wish she was here right now, I wish I didn't slapped her, I wish she was still alive. I kept thinking of all the possibilities I could've done for her, and that's all I could think about now and that's never gonna change no matter how hard I tried.

But I knew she would be better up there than down here on this horrible place, I may had been one of the many reasons why she did it, but at least she's in a better place now, I will still love her with all of my heart no matter where she is, even if she's gone. She'll always be my love I'll never have again.

Hello, I know that this is a bit odd of me if you've seen my recent post, but this was a story I wrote a long time ago when I was still on Wattpad but I decided to rewrite it since it deserve a better chance since my Wattpad days are over. But yeah, hopefully you guys might like this and I'm also planning to do other stuff as well such as writing some stories from my Wattpad days if I can recover some of them. Hopefully things go well and wish me good luck.

TTYL....

#nct 127 #nct fanfic #nct 127 scenarios #nct angst #nct scenarios #nct johnny #nct imagine #nct #nct 127 angst #nct fic #nct x reader #nct127

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cyanside · 3 days

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This idea struck me while scavenging AO3 for some CheolMiae fics. I came across a story titled The Place Where Memories Live by Poppiebubbl3s and it had the tag Major Character Death. The description of this fic says: “Kim Cheol's mind has been occupied by a young girl from the countryside for years, just who was she to him? Why has a girl he's never met in his entire life suddenly taking over all of his thoughts." While reading this an idea popped into my head. What if Cheol and Miae get placed into the setting of Your Name: “...the story of high school students Taki Tachibana and Mitsuha Miyamizu, who suddenly begin to swap bodies despite having never met, unleashing chaos on each other's lives. The film was inspired by the frequency of natural disasters in Japan.” - Wikipedia. However, it is altered to fit them. Or better yet…

a world where Cheol lives in the countryside but isn't happy, he's very much an outcast but no one explains why the townspeople avoid him. Cheol visits an unmarked grave every day but has no idea who it belongs to or why it's part of his daily routine. This grave is placed on a lush green hill that shows the stars beautifully when night comes. Throughout this story, Cheol sees a little girl running around and starts becoming paranoid, thinking the woods are haunted.

At first, he tries to tell the townspeople but they ignore him, Cheol being thoroughly confused makes a scene in which his dad punches him across the face and tells him to stop doing this. Feeling betrayed and confused he runs to the woods and finds himself in front of this unmarked grave. Then he hears giggling behind him. He turns around to see the little girl who has been haunting the forest and he asks her what she is and what she wants from him.

To which the little girl replies, “Let's be friends, okay?” and extends her hand. Cheol, perplexed by the little ghost girl, takes hold of her little hand. The ghost guides him around the woods, first to a stream, then to a large field of tall grass, and lastly to a cliff. Cheol and the ghost girl stood hand in hand at the edge of the cliff. At every location, a memory is revealed to Cheol.

He remembers the little girl and her family who came to visit the countryside a long time ago, and she followed him around relentlessly. He remembered that they became friends and swore to each other. He remembered one night they had snuck out to the cliff where he currently stood. He recalled telling her not to dance at the edge, the sudden look of fear when a rock came undone and she fell. He remembered that he had been reliving the same cycle every week, forgetting only to remember—that the townsfolk evaded him because he was crazy.

Flashback: The adrenaline coursed through his body when he launched forward trying to catch her. His hand clamped down on hers as she dangled. Panting, panic, pain. Blood streamed down his cheek from a rock that had scratched him on its way down. “Miae… Miae, hold on!" She looked up at him, fear fanned like wildfire in her big eyes. “Cheol! Cheol don't drop me!” tears fell down her pale face. “I won't, I'll never let go!” he stated more for himself than for her. Each second that passed pulled both children closer to their deaths. More stones came undone as the weight of their situation loosened the earth. Sweat and tears dripped from the boy. Miae looked away from the hystaria behind the boys eyes and up at the stars, they were beautiful. A look of something frightening placed itself on her little face. Something morbid that gave Cheol goosebumps.

As Cheol stood at the edge of that same cliff he came to realize what that morbid look he couldn't quite place was. Acceptance. A gust of wind swayed Cheol’s body. “Cheol,” said the ghost of Miae. “do you know what my name means?” Cheol was surprised by what she had said because she had said it then too.

Flashback: “Cheol, do you know what my name means…?” little Cheol panted as dust and other debris toppled around them. “Love. ae as in love.” Miae smiled and she let go.

“Kim Cheol!” She yelled, placing her free hand on her hip. “You always cling to the past, even when your future is bright. We promised, didn't we?” his memory of a promise made moments before the fall had occurred.

Flashback: Cheol and Miae lay on their backs facing the starry sky. “Cheol?” “Hm.” Miae turned onto her stomach and stared at Cheol with a wondering look. “Do you think our friendship can last even when I’m far away?” Cheol turned his head to look at her. Bright green, like unripe apples. “Who knows” “I hope it does,” Miae said optimistically then jumped into her feet. “Cheol?” “Hm?” “Promise me something” “No.” “Eh! Why are you always such a party pooper!” Cheol stared at the little spitfire above him. Her loudness was annoying, but it made him happy. “Will you stop whining? What is it?” he sat up. She lifted her arm and extended her pinkie. “Promise we'll always be friends! Wherever we are, even if we’re dead!” Young Cheol stood and followed her movements. “Sure.” their pinkies locked and Cheol realized how small her hands were. “Wait! We need to seal it with a kiss.” Cheol sighed at her childishness but pressed his thumb against hers anyway. “Okay, happy?” Miae smiled brightly, her missing teeth evident of her youth. “Yeah!” Cheol sighed, “You’re so dramatic.”

A small smile rested on Cheol’s features, remembering the childhood innocence long forgotten. And for the first time in years, Cheol could see how blue the sky was, and how lush the grass was. So he let go. And she let go too. He followed her hand with forlorn, but he knew they would see each other again someday.

or something like that idk I'm just an idea man 🤷‍♀️

#aslfua #aslfua brain rot #cheolmiae #hwang miae #kim cheol #soonki #after school lessons for unripe apples #webtoon #i’m going insane #the brainrot is real #fanfics #fanfiction #angst #ghost #story ideas #i dont know #i don’t care if there’s hardly a fan base this is incredible

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xxanaduwrites · 4 months

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DOWNFALL (a.b.)

main hub of all important thangs

chapter 2

had it been another day i might have looked the other way and i'd have never been aware but as it is i'll dream of her tonight - i've just seen a face, the beatles

——

Canada! Beer!

And.....

A girl woke up.

Nothing like good ol' Michael Kelso screaming on your television about smuggling Canadian beer while proceeding to press a loud ass blow horn — quite proudly, might I add —to stir you from your slumber. And people enjoyed proclaiming that the perfect wake up call didn't exist. I begged to differ.

Welp, that explained the weird ass dreams I had. Syd must have kept the television on while I slept. If she didn't go to bed — so help me God! I swore she drove me up the wall when she stayed up super late and then proceeded to go to work at the ass crack of dawn. How did she manage to stay awake? I wished I knew. I'd clock out if I was her — which now, as I took a good look at myself, I must have done just that last night.

Beautiful.

Finally getting the willpower to actually sit up in bed, I felt all the blood rush to my head. With a groan, I mentally scolded myself that I'd never drink again. Especially when I knew I dreamt up the whole night. For a moment, everything, and I mean literally everything came flooding back into my brain. I winced as I relived the interaction I had with Mr. breathtakingly-beautiful-Ken-Apollo. I cannot believe I actually cackled like a horse. Christ, I could already hear the familiar sound echoing in my ears which only made my head pound ten times harder. I pinched my forehead with my fingers and squeezed my eyes shut to dislodge the memory from my brain cells and excavate the pain.

Yep, he most definitely was not real. I imagined that shit. No one would ever just stand there — let alone stand next to someone like me and fucking talk to me deliberately— looking like that. Absolutely not.

Solid.

Good talk, brain cells.

At least that made me feel a little better, convincing myself that it never happened to absolutely get rid of every trace of embarrassment I unfortunately possessed. I'd never see him again, so none of it mattered, especially when he was a figment of my imagination. See what I did there?

It was absolute torture trying to remove myself from the safe haven I called my bed. Or my boyfriend. Whichever you prefer would be considered suitable enough. I could never pass up a date when it had the most deliciously comfortable comforter ever known to man. At least I believed so. I even had one of those stupid pajama sets you'd find on pinterest from my teens when mustaches were all the rage and all that keep calm shit. Fucking embrassing. But, man did I enjoy wearing that set in front of Sydney, especially when she dragged a guy in the apartment. Shit was funny. She unfortunately did not think so. Must be why she hasn't invited Broccoli Rabe over, but I could only assume, ya know?

I took my walk of shame out of my room and down the hall where the shower greeted my arrival. The tile was cold, and it spurred my eyes open to actually clean off the stench and sweat I collected from last night. How I managed to not notice that my body was still strung up in the simple black dress I tossed on, I didn't know. I was at least glad I made it to my bed in one piece. After showering, letting the hot water relax my tense muscles, and taking the time to thoroughly untangle the mess that became my hair, I dressed in a casual pair of jeans and a button up shirt, putting my hair up – because truly who wanted to deal with that friz ass mess of mine? I already took a billion years to get ready with the exhaustion still seeping into my bones and the headache I couldn't get rid of. I needed tylenol and coffee.

Coffee.

God, I could use a fucking coffee and not just from my simple Keurig machine. I needed real coffee. I needed the shit that lightened up my mood. Sunshine Spot was the place to be, and I sure as fuck needed to head there right now. Nothing was gonna stop me! Well, except for Sydney.

"The corpse has arisen from her ten year slumber!" I didn't even notice her at first, typing away on her computer at the island when I reached for my keys. "How are you feeling, darling?"

"Awful," I groaned, sagging my shoulders with extra emphasis. "Got any tylenol?"

"Already on the counter." She directed my attention to the water and pill on the counter with her pen grasped firmly with her hand. It was then that I noticed she was taking notes. Why wasn't she in the office? Would have been funnier if she did some Alice and WonderLand shit, I thought as I gulped back the pill. That whole eat me, drink me shit. But, it wasn't a good time to make a funky comment, especially when she was busy working. "Figured you'd feel a little funky this morning. Shocked you're up though. You wouldn't believe the shit I went through when I had to bring you home passed out and -"

"The fuck?" I almost spit out my water. What the fuck was she going on about? No, there was no way I passed out.

"Oh right." She stifled a laugh as she dragged the back of her pen across her bottom lip. Seemed like she figured this was common knowledge to me. "You kind of passed out honey. This stupid dude was walking down the stairs, tripped, fell on his ass, and knocked right into you while you were waiting for me to come back. To put it frankly, you went down."

"Oh good God. Don't tell me that." I held my head back, pinching the bridge of my nose.

Guess I couldn't say I dreamed it all when that happened. Jesus, I could only hope the flawless Ken doll didn't catch a glimpse of me hitting the floor. Maybe in some predictable fantasy I could imagine him sweeping me off my feet before I hit the floor, but even that sounded crazy. Guys nowadays would just watch you hit the floor. Sure could attest to that with William Williamson. A story for another time. But, again. Who the fuck was in charge of naming these people? William Williamson seriously. Stupid. Very unoriginal. Could they not think of anything else. I supposed not. Dude went by Billy Williamson, but that wasn't even better. Everyone knew where his first name derived from. Wouldn't need a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

"Sorry," she said meekly, raising her hands in defense before diving back onto her computer.

"Thanks for taking care of me. Hope I wasn't too much of a tassel hassle," I sing-songed for good measure.

"Of course." Her eyes looked blood shot as she stared back at the screen in full focus. How she managed to dive right back in on command was insane to me. I always needed to ease myself back into work when it came down to it. Took her a moment, but then she let out a snort. "Tassel hassle."

"Syd, please don't tell me you didn't sleep last night," I started sternly, reaching for my tote back on the coat rack, making sure everything I needed was still inside. I wore the shit out of this thing. I couldn't tell you how the seams stayed in tack this long, but they did. In other words, you could say I destroyed this poor thing, but she was still kicking.

"I won't then." She didn't dare look at me when I spun back around, almost dropping all my shit on the floor. "Doesn't matter anyways. Dr. Reignus told us we could work from home today. He figured we'd all be toasted. Are you going to the bookstore today, or what? What's on the agenda?"

Reignus. Again. What was up with Los Angeles and their inhabitants' names?

I adjusted my strap on my shoulders, trying to take in all the words Syd piled out of her mouth. How she had this much energy at 9am. A girl would never know. "You sound like a mother with all the questions. Don't worry I will be home before the clock strikes twelve. Wouldn't want to turn into a pumpkin or anything. Or maybe I do? You could make a damn good pie."

"Oh shut up!" She choked out, adjusting her glasses on the bridge of her nose. "It's too early for this."

"What's the dish on Broccoli Rabe?" I switched subjects effortlessly. "Since you're home today, why didn't you guys fuck around last night or something?"

"Well, I was taking care of you." She chewed on the top of her pen as she gazed at me furrowing a brow. "Plus, I have work to do."

"Uh-Uh." I wagged my finger back and forth like a whole dog. "Don't deflect. Way before I hit the hay — you were itching to get out of there as soon as I found you. I may have been drunk, but I have a solid noggin. Remember, watermelon brain?"

She sighed, dropping her pen on the table and ramming her fingers into her temples out of pure stress. "He's confusing. That's all."

Did I hit the wrong nail? I suddenly felt awful for bringing it up. "Brock is probably a rock. Might just take a little longer to crack him open, but don't give up."

She smiled, but it didn't fully match her face. "I won't. Thanks Ri. You always have such a way with words." She broke out a soft chuckle. "Now I gotta get back to work, can you fuck off for a bit? Rather not think of him for longer than I have to."

"Of course! Toodaloo." And then I was out the door, ready to start the day. Whoopie.

Coffee. Right. On a mission for coffee. How could I forget?

Thank my lord and savior Eric Forman once again that the Sunshine Spot was within walking distance from my job. Truly a delight — if I must say. Workers knew me by name and shit. It reminded me of Gilmore Girls — channeling my inner Lorelai Gilmore and all. I always wished I was as cool as her. A legend.

Welp to sum it all up to the best of my abilities, I did the whole internship shabackle that Sydney got wrapped up into, but my experience wasn't as peachy as her's was. I hated corporate America — I still do. Explained why I didn't want to be at that dumb ass party, but Sydney guilted me, claiming she was far too nervous. But basing a majority of the events that circulated during the night, she was all over the place — being the social butterfly we all knew and loved. Not once did she need me, but of course I'd go for her. That's what friends were for. Plus, I had to keep my eye out on Dwayne and his douchery. Gotta do my service as an American and all.

To put it frankly — remember that dude Billy Williamson — yeah William Williamson. That douche burger was one of those rat bastards that made my life a living hell. So much for being a woman in literature. Truly a drag. Especially when there were men dictating every move I made — totally debunking every manuscript I found interesting. This led me to send out the most boring pieces I've ever landed my eyeballs on, all to satisfy my big-buck-dick-head bosses.

Fucking hated that shit.

Not my feng shui — if you will.

So yeah, that was how I ended up at Marlon's book store. God, did I love that old man. Sweetest dude I ever met in my entire life. His store could be considered a national treasure — it carried everything. And I mean everything. One day I took Marilyn there. She was already gushing when she walked through the door at not just the books but the little cute old man himself with his old school glasses. She thought he held so much swag. I let her believe so.

And it sure became 'a hunk a hunk of burning love' as both Mar and Mar loved to describe it. Disgustingly cute. Jesus though, I rather not know what those old peeps do in their free time. I should probably start sanitizing the shelves. Or dust a little more frequently.

Drop that thought, Ri.

Yikes, I was feening for a coffee.

Badly.

I swore all the weight drifted off my body and my whole soul bursted out of me and flew up to the heavens when Sunshine Spot finally came into view. It normally wasn't the worst walk of my life — but today wasn't normal.

The cute little cheesy bell rang as I walked through my favorite place, meeting the face of my favorite work-a-holic. Wait, I might of lied about Marlon being the cutest cause who the fuck could forget about Sherry Blossom— people say it was her stage name back in the day, but when it came to Sherry there was no room for questioning. She was simply an enigma. This woman right here was eighty-fucking-five still working up a storm at Sunshine cafe. I swore she's been here since the day the doors opened at this little gem of a place.

Once she told me, "Never let people look at you like you're some old sack of shit that can't move a muscle anymore. When people drop their opinions all over the place — where they are surely not needed or even wanted — I just say, 'If you think you're throwing me in some old people's home, you got another thing coming for you. Yep, that's a threat.'"

Cracked me the fuck up.

Alright, alright. So, I had one friend my age and then some elders.

Leave me alone.

"There she is!" Sherry's cheerful voice that she only seemed to have reserved for me — as from what I was told by her coworkers — welcomed me. "My girl. How are you?"

"Howdy girl. Could be better," I sulked, tossing my tote on a stool and plopping myself on the one right next to it.

She stopped what she was doing the moment she took in that my 'howdy wasn't as enthusiastic as it usually whenever I saw her. "What's the matter?" She dropped the towel she was wiping the table with, giving me her full attention.

What an angel.

I adjusted myself awkwardly in the stool, my head leaning on my hand, my arm resting on the table — my body on a whole angle like I fucked some protractor. "Unfortunately I'm a teenie-weenie bit hungover." I maneuvered my other hand, eyeing it in front of my face as I measured the distance between my thumb and middle finger to emphasize my point. Her eyes lit up for a moment, taking in my words but I was quick to debunk her thoughts. "But, don't worry. I never wanted to go to said party in the first place, and nothing too awful happened. I just passed out but -"

Ah, geometry. A beautiful thing.

"You passed out?!" Lord Jesus, that woman had some real pipes. Every head under the sun turned. Just great. "Are you okay? Lemme have a look at your face." She dived forward, not even bothering to ask before she was taking me all in — holding both sides of my head to dissect my face. She turned my head in every which way like some voodoo doll, but how could I complain when she cared so much for me? More than most. We were close enough so I didn't really mind. I'd come here for years. She helped me when I was sat here crying my eyes out over some stupid professor that was being a dick to me, and even helped me get the fuck out of that dick of an internship with her perfect convincing. "You poor thing. Hit up the coffee pot stat — my girl needs a glass!" She called out to no one in particular and shockingly everyone behind the counter moved — no one hesitated. She was that powerful. What a woman. Another human that was on the list of my legends — the same one as Lorelai Gilmore, and I supposed Eric Forman if you felt obligated to include him.

In two seconds flat, a beautiful iced coffee — just the way I liked it, sat beautifully in front of me. So pretty, I didn't even want to touch it, but man I needed a fix. "You're incredible." I licked my lips, staring right at the glass in amazement, mesmerized by the way the ice sat against the liquid.

"Anything for you." She blushed madly. "Going to work today or hanging out for a little while?"

Pulling out my phone, I checked the time. Marlon was way too fucking chill about scheduling. He honestly couldn't care less about when I came in, but I still hated not being on time. But, noting my current predicament, I figured I'd just shoot him a little text that I'd be late today. I genuinely did not want to deal with customers complaining. Not when my head was still pounding, and I was waiting for the tylenol to kick in. "I can stay for a tad."

"Good." She reached out, grasping my hand. Leaning forward she nodded at me to move forward as if she was gonna tell me a secret. "These customers today are already driving me fucking nuts. I'm sorry but who orders a burger at seven in the morning and complains about it being well done when they asked for that shit when they ordered. Not our fault. Idiot. Thank goodness you're here."

Don't get confused. The place is an enigma just like Blossom. It was everything you could imagine. A cafe/diner — practically a six piece restaurant all wrapped into one cute little place. Sometimes Los Angeles could be amazing, but only for this. Gotta love Sunshine Spot.

I forgot my lips were attached to the straw and I blew fucking bubbles in response. The bubbled up liquid shot out the sides and landed on the table, serving up a whole mess. "Guess you can add me to that list of f-" I got cut off by a bell from the back.

"Sher!" A girl called from behind the counter. "Could you take this one — I got my hands full." She wasn't lying. Two trays stacked with so much food for a whole army.

But, that didn't seem to please Sher. She just rolled her eyes. "I gotta do everything around here." She lifted up the rag in her hand and waved it madly. "Oh and look, I gotta deal with this schmuck staring at his phone. If the order gets fucked up it's not my probem. Pay attention," she whispered so no one else could hear.

I loved this woman.

I watched as she trailed off a few seats away, huffing as she proceeded to aggressively flip her pad to write down some dude's order. For a moment my smile was infectious, burning against my cheeks as I watched one of my favorite ladies do her thang. But then, as I looked over some more I became acutely aware of the dude she was serving. Why the fuck did he look so familair?

What was it?

Think Rianne.

Hmmm. Sandy blonde hair. Black Shades. Alright. Light denim button up. Black shorts. White sneakers. Button nose. Half buttoned top. Gold chain.

Wait a fucking minute?

Intermission.

Move your hand, you bitch.

I needed to know if it was him.

Dude's pointer finger was stuck behind his phone.

Whatever. Probably not who I thought it was anyways. Stop losing your marbles Rianne.

Nope. Nevermind. Act two. Holy fucking shit.

It was him.

Ken-greek-god-lifeguard-model-surfer-beach-boy-hot-shot extraordinaire.

Didn't need the ring to know when I once again had the full range of that glorious side profile I practically had embedded into my memory somehow from the night before. Thanks to the lords he took off his shades. Guess my drunken brain was quite fond of him — but how could I blame her when he looked like that? Jesus, he looked even better in the daytime, etched in the sun instead of those idiotic disco lights that could give you the worst headache of your life.

If only he'd look up from that phone, I could see his eyes — or that ring. Oh God, He put his phone away. The ring. There it is, confirming it all. Ding. Ding. People, I feared we had a winner! Now, his eyes scanned the joint.

I cannot do this right now.

Immediately, I panicked, stopping the first server in front of me that passed by. "Menu." I hissed quite lowly, keeping my head down.

"Huh?" They looked at me like I'd just emitted a noise instead of speaking a real word.

"Menu," I hissed again — a little louder this time, but not loud enough that it would draw any unwanted attention — keeping my head down.

Whatever you do, don't make eye contact.

"Didn't you already order?" They looked at me quizzically. I raised a brow. They didn't question me further.

Snatching the menu off the table, I held up the monstrosity up to my face like a whole shield. Perfect. Amazing. If I won't see him, he won't see me.

Solid logic.

"The hell you doing back there?" My girl Sher's voice suddenly boomed from behind my menu of shield, making me almost jump out of my seat. Her cute little wrinkled up manicured finger suddenly came into view — attempting to push down the menu so she could see my face.

I tried to come up with a good excuse, but it wasn't great. "Researching," I spat out.

"That's strange, but alright. If you find out what they put in the gravy, let me know. I mean I already do, but it would be fun if you found that out." She sounded a little distant, but I didn't dare move — my heart pounding a mile a minute. "See. Shouldn't have drank that alcohol. You don't only gotta worry about your liver, but your brain. Fucks it all up."

"Thanks for the advice," I murmured while trying to take a peak over the menu only to see eyes I never got a chance to see before taking in our interaction. Holy shit were they blue. He even looked confused as hell. Yep, I looked like a crazy woman again in front of him — lovely.

Abort mission. Abort mission.

"Bye Sher! I gotta go." And then I bounced right out. Dropping the menu, grabbing my tote, and sprinting out the door without another look.

That was a close one.

"I thought you were-" I heard her begin, but her words caught off as soon as the door swung close and that oh so familiar bell rang in my ears. God, that was gonna leave a mark on my brain now. Delish. Perfect. Amazing.

Nope, never again. Not gonna see him again, but damn that was kinda crazy.

——

anotha one for my peeps. you can run, but ya can't hide, riri ;)

citing my sources of course. just ri ri waking up to literally kelso being kelso:

- xanadu

#austin butler #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler fanfic #austin butler fandom #austin butler fans #austin butler elvis presley #wattpad #fanfic

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princesshillaryellaworld25 · 6 months

Text

Sick Boyfriend gets attacked Part 2

Warning: Blood

Sick BF: *crying*STOP! PLEASE STOP!

Sick Daila: Never, you deserve this for what you did to my friend, you little fucking brat!

Sick Daila kept beating Sick Boyfriend with the iron bullwhip very hard, Blood was coming out of him.

Sick BF: HELP, SOMEBODY HELP ME!

Sick Daila: SHUT UP, Nobody is coming to save you now! Once I kept beating you and you pass out, I'm going to take you to Sick Sky so she can finish you off!!!

Sick BF: NO Please!

Meanwhile:

GF(Galina): Man, what are great day to go for a walk in the park, right BF?

BF(Vincent): Yeah, It's nice to go in the park and relax without any conflict whatsoove-

Sick BF: *screaming*

BF(Vincent): Gaia, did you hear that?!

GF(Galina) Yeah it's coming from over there, let's go check it out!

Vincent and Galina went to go check out where the screaming was coming from, they got there and what they saw shocked them. They saw Sick Boyfriend covered in blood and bruises getting attacked by Sick Daila using a bullwhip beating him.

GF(Galina): OH MY GOD! Sick Boyfriend!

BF(Vincent):*mind* Oh god, this is bad, I gotta save my friend!

BF(Vincent): Hey you! What the funk do you think you're doing to our friend?!

Sick Daila stopped and saw that someone had spotted her doing a crime. Sick Boyfriend was still in pain from getting beating from Sick daila.

BF(Vincent): We saw you, you're not gonna get away with this!

Sick Daila: *mind* Oh shit, someone spotted me, I gotta retreat!!!! (rans away)

BF(Vincent): What the?! Hey! Get back here!

GF(Galina): Boyfriend, she getting away!!!

BF(Vincent): Okay Girlfriend, you go check on Sick Boyfriend to see if he's okay, I'll gonna go catch that attacker!

GF(Galina): O-Okay!

BF(Vincent): Come back here, you crazy attacker!!!

Boyfriend went after to catch Sick Daila while Girlfriend went to check on Sick Boyfriend who's in pain from all the beatings from Sick Daila.

GF(Galina): Sick Boyfriend! Are you alright?!

Sick Boyfriend was crying in pain, Girlfriend couldn't stand to see someone cry especially when it was one of her friends. She hugged him.

GF(Galina): Shh there there, it's okay I'm here.

Sick BF:*crying* Everything hurts!

GF(Galina): I know, I know, Why could that crazy girl do that to you?

Sick BF:*crying* I-I don't know....it hurts Girlfriend, My whole body hurts!

GF(Galina): I know, Just hang on okay? Boyfriend is gonna catch the person who attacked you and I'm gonna take you to the hospital okay?

Sick Boyfriend was suddenly feeling dizzy, he couldn't handle the pain any longer, Girlfriend was concerned about Sick Boyfriend.

Sick BF: I...I-feel dizzy...I think I'm gonna fai-*passed out*

GF(Galina): OH NO Sick Boyfriend! Please don't die now!

Girlfriend was panicking that Sick Boyfriend passed out, she checked his pulse to see if he's still breathing and fortunately, she was relived that Sick boyfriend is alive because she felt a pulse.

GF(Galina): Oh thank god, there's a pulse. I better take him to the hospital to get hospitalized.

Girlfriend picked up Sick Boyfriend and carried him on her back, As she was about to take him to the hospital, Boyfriend came back disappointed.

GF(Galina): Boyfriend! What happpened?

BF(Vincent): *pants* She got away, she was too fast and clever, so I couldn't catch her. Sorry babe.

GF(Galina): It's okay Boyfriend,nevermind that, We'll catch her later but right now, we gotta take Sick Boyfriend to the hospital.

BF(Vincent): I-Is he...

GF(Galina): Relax babe, I checked his pulse and he's fine, he just passed out from getting beaten up.

BF(Vincent): Oh thank god, I thought he was dead. Is he gonna be okay?

GF(Galina): I hope so, come on Boyfriend, we gotta take him to the hospital.

BF(Vincent): Got it

The three teleported to the Parodies town hospital.

GF(Galina): Help! Somebody we need medical assistance!

Nurse Molly: I'm here, what seems to be the problem?

BF(Vincent): It's our friend, Sick Boyfriend, he got attacked by a girl who had beaten him with a bullwhip and he got injured really badly

Nurse Molly saw shocked to see the blood and lashes all over Sick Boyfriend's body.

Nurse Molly: Oh dear! this is bad, I'm gonna need back-up.

Nurse Molly called the other nurses to bring a hospital bed to bring Sick Boyfriend to the operation room.

Girlfriend handed Sick Boyfriend to Nurse Molly and Nurse Molly put Sick Boyfriend who was unconcious on the bed.

Nurse Molly: Please, take the patient to the operation room to be healed up.

Nurse Joy: Got it!

Nurse Jane: On it!

Nurse Mary Jane: Yes ma'am!

The three nurse took Sick Boyfriend to the operation room to be examined and healed up.

Girlfriend and Boyfriend were worried about their friend. Nurse Molly told BF and GF not to worry and that their friend was gonna be fine, she then went to follow the other nurses to the operation room.

BF(Vincent): Oh man, I hope Sick Boyfriend is gonna be okay...

GF(Galina): Me too, I can't believe that crazy girl would attack him like that!

BF(Vincent): I know, I swear I hope the police catch her and send her to prison or worse the insane aslyum for attacking our friend.

GF(Galina): Should we call Drugfriend and Penelope to let them know that Sick Boyfriend is in the hospital being hospitalzed?

BF(Vincent): Yeah, I think we should. It's best to tell them than to find out for themselves.

GF(Galina): Alright, I'll call Penelope.

BF(Vincent): I will try to call Drugfriend to let him know what happened to Sick Boyfriend. Oh boy, he's gonna be devastated when I tell him.

To be conutinued in Part 3....

#friday night funkin #fnf spongebob parodies #fnf mod #fnf au #fnf headcanons #sick boyfriend #bobsponge gf #drugfriend #fnf girlfriend #fnf boyfriend #Sick Daila #Sick Sky

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seafoamchild · 1 year

Text

april 22nd

i've had a very social few days. on thursday i went to the art museum with lora and my mom for the flower show. it was really fun. and then on the way home my mom told me one of their cats died. it was really sudden. i'm glad he's not in pain anymore but that just sucks. i didn't get to say goodbye. i loved that cat and it sucks that i'll never see him again. i haven't really given myself the time and space yet to think about this and be emotional about it. i tent to automatically suppress all of my negative emotions. i want to cry about the death of my cat, but i'm so uncomfortable with sadness that i don't know how to anymore.

anyway, yesterday i went to get drinks with austin. he had reached out to me after 6 months of no contact because he told me he just couldn't talk to me anymore. i knew it probably wasn't a good idea to meet up, but my curiosity got the best of me as usual. i told him about my recent trips and the whole fiasco in ecuador where i got attacked by dogs and then mugged. he told me he has a new girlfriend and that they vibe really well and have great chemistry. i was like That's awesome! But then he also was talking about our relationship and how he was angry with me for months after we "broke up" for not communicating my feelings during the relationship. I was like, That's fair. I definitely have some avoidant tendencies I need to work on. But then he was also like "I had this perception of your perception of me, and it was that I was weak and pathetic" and I'm thinking Sooo like your perception of yourself? and he went on to say that he had finally accepted that we aren't sexually compatible and that he was so insecure about not being able to be the dominant partner i wanted, and that he didn't want to be rough with me because he knew i'd been sexually assaulted and didn't make me want to relive that. i was like, first of all, none of this has anything to do with me, this is all in your own head - like you are projecting your insecurities all over me. also, if i tell you what i want in bed, why would you think you know better? why would you assume that makes me relive my assaults (it doesn't)? it was just a weird thing to bring up in the first place. oh and then he was also like "if you could switch bodies with anyone, like freaky friday, who would you pick?" and i was like A great horned owl Duhh i wanna fly. Then i asked who he would pick and he was like My girlfriend. I was like What would you do if you woke up as her? and he was like Have sex. Like he would literally switch bodies so he could have sex with himself lol. What a fucking WEIRD thing to say to me and also that he asked me that question fully knowing his own response. like truly wtf. i don't think i wanna hang out with him again. cuz that was weird that he felt the need to say all that to me.

well then today i went to breakfast, went to the domes and thrifting with liz, and then to billy's surprise birthday party which ended up being really fun. it was so good to see everyone and to know pretty much everyone who was there. i have made a wide social circle for myself here and that feels good.

#journal

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plutofromafar · 2 years

Text

natasha's letter to yelena

Summary: Natasha addresses a letter to Yelena.

Warnings: mention of PTSD

August 14, 2018 Hey, Yelena.

It's been a little over three weeks since Thanos snapped away 50% of all living creatures. Since Thanos snapped away you. We found him when he used the stones again, and we went to space to kill him. Unfortunately, the stones were gone by the time we got to him. We did kill him, though, so at least we have that satisfaction. We don't know how to get the stones back, though.

By the way, I've gotta take you with me to space one day-- I think you'd love it.

The Avengers, what's left of them, we're all working our very hardest to try to get the world back up and running. It's easier said than done, but the pain is still very fresh. I keep thinking back to that day, what things I could have done differently. What we all could have done differently.

The streets of Manhattan have never been more quiet. Almost everything is deserted, and I'm starting to think that every single person in New York was wiped away.

Stefaniya has been working from New York to track down the Widows that relocated before Thanos. She hasn't had any luck yet. Speaking of, the Widows left at the facility are doing okay. I check in with them once every week over the phone, and they're holding down the fort until we find a way to get you, Melina, and Alexei back. Most of the Widows have moved out, though.

A couple days ago, Tony came back from space. He's not doing okay, but we're hoping that he'll get better physically as the days go by. As for his mental health... Well, who even is mentally stable these days?

We have some new members of the team, by the way. Carol Danvers; she glows and she can fly and lift an entire spaceship with one arm. I think you would like her. We also have Rocket, who's a raccoon that talks. And Nebula, who happens to be Thanos's adopted daughter. But she's been helping us out, so I think we can trust her. A little bit.

I'm doing as okay as you can expect. Some days are harder than others, but I'm holding myself strong for the sake of the others. Someone needs to keep us up and running.

Stefaniya... She's really struggling. I think she has PTSD from the fight against Red Room. And when I let her fight with us in Wakanda, it triggered an episode. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have called her for help; she was perfectly safe working with you. She hasn't had another episode since then, but she's having very vivid nightmares. Almost every night, I wake up to hear her screaming in her room. She's isolating herself from me and the Avengers, and as much as I'm tempted to override the lock on her door and go in and hug her, I want to respect her boundaries. Even if it pains me.

When she's not in her room, she's in the gym. She's taken up ballet again, which I've done, too. That's just about the only time she lets me be in the same room as her, and we dance side by side in silence. I think that she finds somewhat of a peace in it-- reliving the controlled environment of the Red Room. I'm far more out of practice than she is, but it's nice being able to see her when we cross paths in the gym. Anywhere else, though, it seems like all she does is try to pick a fight with me. Whether it's over me walking too loud, or I'm bothering her, distracting her... It hurts. I'm used to this stuff from the Avengers, anyone else, really. But it hurts so much more from her because I think I'm in love with her.

Sorry. I'm not trying to dump all of our problems on you. I just really need to let it out somewhere.

I really miss you, so does Stefaniya. She really needs you right now. I'll bring you back, I promise.

Till we meet again.

Your sister, Natasha R.

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#natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #black widow #black widow fanfiction #yelena belova #natasha romanov x fem!oc #marvel #marvel fanfiction #natasha romanoff fanfiction #sapphic natasha romanoff #aroace yelena belova #infinity war #avengers: infinity war

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forgettenshiloh · 16 days

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How did I lose myself so deeply. Even when you were standing there. It was over before then I was already lost but now I find myself going through life doing great things and I go to look for you and I cannot even find or try if I really wanted because of the walls I put up to keep you out, what i thought was forcing myself to find me I now created my own prison and own heart break. How di I change the past? How do I unlearn the fear of trusting anyone? How do I forget the bond so deep that I'm realizing only you and I possessed because I got you and you got me... But I had to run. For some dumb reason it was time to go and figure it out or destroy myself but you didn't deserve to watch. Look at me now, forced to face the disaster I created and do what with it? I'm at a total loss so I'm going to write this to remember the parts I miss so deeply but I'll never get to relive, although I wish I could. This is you me and Shiloh and fyi not the cat you got me, a peace that i could only find with you. And for the record you'd be so fucking happy probably to know that I have all of this to say to you and only you and you're a winner because now I want to chase you like you did me and sometimes I am finding myself getting a rise thinking you're still chasing me because I even miss that. WTF have I done. Running has gotten me into some fucking shit I swear. Before the end though I found myself drifting away and I didn't really have a destination but I felt cornered. I felt trapped by all this baggage that I never knew how to tell you and I realized I never wanted to tell you because well, it was awful. My pain was awful and I didn't want to tell anyone. But motherfucker I have climbed MOUNTAINS! and then I look to find the motherfucker that used to be there and I pushed him away so it's just me and these motherfuckers that are so fucking angry at themselves they are only capable of finding a fucking flaw. Thank god for a strong ass will right. I got sober. I got through hell, being homeless and jobless and raped and then homeless again. I started from nothing. oh, that was after the concussion over some shit i didn't even do so then i actually did it so i claimed my position on the shit list for that. I was really winner there for a while, not. It was bad, i was actually trapped, nothing made sense after that and since i had already fucked myself over it was free game for the sick fuckers around me, thank god my older brother finally caught wind of it and i went home to my dad. i couldn't even heal there either. all i could do was cry and there was like this lingering hopeless feeling just continuously flowing there. Then finally the lights went out and i was homeless for another month but i finally got a good job and an apartment of my own and now that the dust has settled this thing is eating me up inside. Breathing air gives new meaning to eat your fucking heart out. I need something, but I'm at a loss. I'm gonna pursue it though, since I'm a headstrong ass bitch. old habits die hard right? And you you know better than anyone that whether it's good or bad if i can't let it go i'm going for it. so there's you a crown you motherfucker because i'm looking for you. I want to know that you didn't break, that you are doing better, i need to see that the person that is so amazing is infact still amazing. That's what's gonna help me sleep at night. because the world needs someone like you. maybe that's creepy oops. guess i'm a fucking creep. fuck it, that's not the worst thing i am i'm sure of it. I wish i wasn''t such an idiot though, i feel like i'm going to really start the feel to the full effect that we should have done this all together and i totally fuckerd it all up because i'm a broken piece of shit. sorry, my parents didn't love me or whatever the fuck actually happened but actual love scared the shit out of me and i had to run. i am sorry about that. maybe one day i'll finally get therapy for that. maybe not cause honestly the selection out here isn't impressive and therapy is a lot of work.

#youmeandshiloh

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jones7thavenue · 3 months

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2024 Diary Entry No. 2

I'm so done for today, man. I wish there weren't anymore lottery tickets, to begin with, number one. NUmber two, I wish I didn't have the time to slave walk to the 7 and bitch about the shit the whole way there and the whole way back, because I'd rather raise Maxi than anything else at this point. But, since the state is being s big dicked bitch, the best thing I'll do is to not think about it. Like, ever again. Otherwise, should I ever see her again...

I'm on Tekken 7's online mode again, waiting until the elders are sleeping like babies and not acting Bickerson like again. I'm so sure that picking a fight with others has cost me everything, except the privilege to live in my parents' abode and abding by them and doing chores for them, even when it's my red flag and I'm so calm, even though I'm in excruciating pain. I'm replacing everything I lost, too, because men who drug and drink are pigs, so voting and dating are no longer priorites, well, because I no longer give a fuck. Like, never again. Until God appoints and provides. I no longer give anymore fucks about dating. Period.

I'm just not going to dayhab tomorrow, I'm feeling. I can't wait to just watch a movie on my PS4 alone in peace. I got demoted back to expert as Claudio. It pissed me off so much I quit my online session quietly. I'm going to go on my ex's PSN profile and see if I can do better there, just to be fair, at least. Oh, and change my player labels and shit, too, before I forget to again, now that Christmas is finally over. I'm not gonna get my hopes up without a fucking fight.

I already got to Tekken God Omega on my side of the fence, so let's fucking go! Glad I got Tekken 6 to relive the action, but Azazel is a bitch to defeat, so good luck wiith that.

I've also done a bunch of Esperanto lessons on the Duolingo app, too. I wish a motherfucker would even try to take my third place spot from me. *winks* *chuckles* Maybe I should try to write future entries in other languages to expand my photographic memory box a lot more.

#gameblr #tekken 6 #tekken 7 #claudio serafino #fighting games #playstation 4 #duolingo #esperanto #spanish #italian #future fandom?#german #high valyrian #klingon

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ram-de · 5 months

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[read] ravensong thoughts vomit (pt. 3)

the post is too long so i made another

FIRST OF ALL. WHY. WHY WHY IS THE BOOK TRYING SO HARD TO MAKE ME FEEL SORRY FOR THOMAS?? Mr klune can you stop mentioning how oh Thomas did it for good or Thomas regretted it or Thomas really wanted to do right. I'm so sick of it. Because he's doing it for good reason (it's not) then suddenly he's absolved of all the wrong, the hurt, the pain he caused to Gordo? Get the hell out. I hate it here.

Ermmmmm this feel like a copout... I'll stop being a downer and just read

I think the book is very long

I'm losing the enthusiasm I'm sorry I took a break hsgshsjsh

Fucking Thomas again. I'm. 😮‍💨 Can't he just be put in like limbos for alpha until he repent. HOW COME HES LIKE IN WOLF HAVEN STOP IT

Fucking Elizabeth. Is this really the time to do a gotcha moment. I'm. 😮‍💨 OK SHE'S HIS WIFE. alright. Whatever. Biased. OK. I'LL STOP. BEING BITTER. YEAY! Closure acquired!

Is it me or Alpha Bennett (THE GOOD ONE AND BY THAT I MEAN JOE NOT THE PRICKASS THOMAS) is getting sidelined. What I said about ox shgsjsjs he's truly the protagonist of the story. The chosen one. Human Alpha, Alpha of the Omegas, what other power-up will he gets in the next book

WHY AM I COMPLAINING the story tension is on all time high and I'm not really invested in the... Fuck ass Thomas plot so other things was buried under... I'm sorry my son (one-handed) gordo...

AUSGHJ I NEED MEREDITH TO dye her hair green so we all can feel relief

Until this point I still can't feel the... What's the term... The... AHHH I'M FORGETTING WORDS.... Like. The actual stake here. Never mind. I'll try it again later.

The book is very long

Meredith chuuni's monologue is very long

FUCK ME MORE MEREDITH MONOLOGUE

I swear I can read... I just need... Line break... 😭😭😭

Elijah didn’t recoil. If anything, that made her angry. “But we couldn’t take them all. I watched as my family fell around me. I saw their skin tear. I heard their screams. I was a child, but I saw it all from the trees.” A tear fell from her eye and onto the knotted tissue of the scar on her face. “My family. Aunts and uncles. Cousins. People who believed such as I did. The wolves didn’t know I was there. The blood was too thick in the air for them to notice me. My father, he…lost his way, after that. He didn’t understand why God had forsaken him. Why he had abandoned us when we needed him most. Fucking words on pages in like three pages ranting about fuckshit referencing Bibles and Meredith King being all righteous and stuff while she never pause LIKE I FUCKING GET IT!! YOU'RE A FREAK!! SHOUTING MORALS WHILE KILLING INNOCENTS ALRIGHT!! I GET IT. STOP!!"

THIS GOES ON FOR THREE. FUCKING. PAGES. NO LINE BREAKS. MY EYE HURTS.

ELIJAH TALKING HER ASS OF BEING A REASON THE PEOPLES ARE SAFE IM. Ok that makes it a little bit better. Fuck u Elijah for talking.

Strangely I don't mind if ox talks long ass paragraph. I love him he's my son. he used to be so quiet and now look at him speaking for two pages long :') my son

I will suppress my resentment to how happy go lucky easy the problem just because it's over. IT'S SO DRAGGED.... FOR HUNDRED OF PAGES...

TJ KLUNE YOU CANT END THE STORY WITHOUT MAKING GORDO RELIVING HIS PAIN HUH. AGAIN? THIS IS TOO MUCH???

...by the time I read the epilogue I'm just...

:-( I know I complained a lot but the ending... It's not really fulfilling. It's more to a prelude to the third book and I know, I know, this is an interconnected series. I just wish I, what? Got to see more of Gordo and Mark post-reconciliation. Last third of the book spent Mark being an omega. He barely talks except gordogordogordo MatePackLove... Felt like the second half is dragged. Too many subplots (which? Not a lot solved?), and the one that they decided to focus, the Elijah plot, I ended up snoozing. I love love love Gordo though I think this might be a torture book with how long he's portrayed to be hurting and broken. I love love love Mark of his devotion and honesty. Individually I love them both but paired up I wish they had more time to reconcile. For Mark to properly apologizes and pamper Gordo with more love to make time.

I know I always will side with Gordo, because he is so raw as a character. His pain, his hurting, it's just so emotional to me. The first half? Of the book is what I loved the most. The tidbits of Gordo's memories, switching up to Gordo bonding with Joe, Carter and Kelly. Other character, man, the Team Humans really shine. The bar scene still cracks me up when I think about it. What else. Ahh...

I'll rant about other things instead. I'm a bit baffled that when Mark and Carter were infected, the whole pack, heavily on Gordo promised to find a way for that problem. Issue is, I don't really think they delve a lot into what they're doing? The research? The progress? Because there's also the problem of Elijah, ok. But suddenly, Gordo, thought the way was to... Mate? And I was, ok. Sure. What about Carter? He can't be mating to his tether. It's like... Have you really done anything, Gordo...?

Its my opinion but it's not really, satisfying? In Wolfsong, even though I still think the ending part needs to be longer, it pushes me to "I want to read more!" hence, I'm here. But for Ravensong, it's a bit... There's too much going on. World building, and all. I don't like how proper apologies are barely presence, from Thomas and Mark, and to an extent Elizabeth too. This bothers me a lot. But I ranted too much about it already. I'll stop.

Actually I won't stop. I hate hate hate that they're pushing Gordo, the one that they left to eventually patch things up. Where's. The. Proper. Apologies. Now that I think about it if I'm looking at this book as a typical second-chance stories I usually read, I will say that the groveling isn't done well. Fuck Thomas Bennett. And they still. Tried to portray him in a good light even after death? I fucking hate anything Thomas related.

I'm super, super excited for Kelly and Robbie's book. But I don't know? Finishing Ravensong is a bit of a letdown... Maybe because I expected more like like that of Wolfsong?

Why does this turned into a rant post idk but. Yeah, I don't really enjoy is as much as Wolfsong. I still love the characters (except Thomas), I just... Aaah guess I'll read Book 3 later. When I'm over this, unsatisfactory post-reading experience.

#Ravensong #readingrams #is that it?#Rant post

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behindbrowneyezz · 9 months

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It's funny how time changes things isnt it? One minute you're super close to everyone around you, you're busy with work, extra activies, extra chores, maybe you try to sleep in an extra few days that month...then before you know so many things have changed. I feel bad that tomorrow is Indys birthday tomorrow and no one is really trying to hang out. I just feel like over the last year shes done nothing but expect us all to do what SHE wants...now everyone's tired and dont want to go and spend a ton of money on a night out when we can be at home doing the same for not even half the price. I love her, but life is hard as it is. WHY can't she be a better friend to us all? I'll never get it. Weve all been so nice to her as well and i think she just MUST have control, but the thing is we all just want to be able to be ourselves. I feel bad, i feel like Sarah is always going to break down and do what she wants...even Fernando. Im pretty sure that's why she gets upset with me, because the second i feel like youre trying to be in control of me..or make me feel less then, i just wont come around. Its actually that simple for me. I have such a hard time being around most women that are older then me. I also feel like mr. dub is literally constantly lying to me. I cant stand it. Ive never met someone so exhausting to be around besides my own blood relatives. i suppose that's used to draw me to him. I used to love how much he reminds me of my father. ..now all it does is stress me out. Its a drag actually. Looking back im not even sure why i clinged on so tight, besides the fact that he truly reminds me of my dad. the devil. I hope one day i can forgive them both for all the pain they have caused me over the years. It's even more exhausting to constantly relive through all that pain. I think my dad used to be one hell of a man. He was full of courage, love, and excitement. He hated people but he would give the shirt off his back if he felt like he should. Sometimes i wonder what really happened in his head in 2010...what made him so unhappy all of a sudden...was it really his marriage to Angela? Was it money? Did he really hate all of us at home all the time? or did he hate the fact that we weren't home enough? I wish he wouldn't of shoved me away so much. Some days its hard to love myself because i wonder why he raised me to be someone he was going to hate for the rest of his life. Its funny too, considering he never can go a week without talking his mommy. Yet, he expects his own children to be able to live a life without him, any guidance, etc. I wish i didn't hate him, I wish i could just forget about him completely. Anyway, more on that later...

Also, why the fuck are men so God damn gross?! AND fucking just pathetic most days. I truly dont get it. NO one wants to see you little dick, no one wants to hear about your stupid fantasies, no one gives a fuck about what you look like without a shirt and pants on. I mean good grief....The amount of guys that grossly still hit me up from high school...talking about 'wow i would love to see you, ya know i had a big crush on you back then' like yea yea yea sure sure sure...baby go get off somewhere else and leave me alone. I find it sad. Maybe guys really do have that hard of a time to find someone that they can sleep with on the regular...but truthfully they shouldnt be hitting people up from 10 years ago because they are horny. Its disgusting and sad. SO SO sad. Yall need Jesus. Well thats all for now, im going to go shower and maybe cut my babies hair. <3

you're loved, you dont need your dad or any other man for that matter to tell you otherwise. IM sorry people have always let you down, maybe one day when youre gone, they will actually miss you. stay strong, keep smiling, and for the love of God, finish the lost boy tonight.

XO, Ashh

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midiaryofus · 1 year

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It's been two weeks since we've talked. Technically tomorrow will be two weeks, since today is the 13th of November.

There's been so many things I've wanted to tell you. So I thought I'd tell you here. Though I don't know if you'll ever read this. Or if you even care.

You know how I thought for a long time that my actions couldn't hurt anyone? I feel the same way about my absence. I feel like nobody has ever really cared about losing me. Not even old friends. People who I was best friends with for years, have easily cut me out of their life and never looked back.

I don't know if you'll ever talk to me again. I don't think you want me back in your life. I've just been waiting, and suffering. I could just end my suffering and text you- and end up rejected or idk what will happen. But then I'll never know. Every time I've had these kinds of breakups with someone, where we say it's over and just stop talking, which most of the time just happens during a fight, which then you don't think it's really over and you're just taking time apart to cool down but then the other person doesn't text you and you start panicking like, what if it's really over? What if they really want me out of their life?

I've always been the one to break first and text first. And then usually things go back to normal. But then I'm always wondering what would have happened if I break first? Would you have texted me? Or would we never talk again and you'd move on and forget me?

I wonder all the time what you're doing and how you're feeling. Most of the time during these, I tell myself things will be fine and things will go back to normal. I'm scared they won't. Im scared you already met someone or just hooked up with someone to try to forget me, erase me from your mind, move on. I was walking around the mall with my sister's today, thinking about that, and wanting to break down crying. This is hurting me so much. I feel like you're just going about your life like normal. While I'm standing in line behind someone who looks like you, and wanting to cry because it hurts so much.

This is why I didn't want to give you my heart. This is why I didn't want to go all in and let myself fall as deeply as I can for you. This is why I held back. Because you can hurt me more than Evan did back in October of 2015. And my biggest fear for so long was reliving that. I don't know if it's a coincidence or on purpose, that we keep having this "we're over for good" thing every October. When I'm most vulnerable and scared. Scared of reliving that nightmare. 6 months of pain. Do you know why it was 6 months? Why it wasn't longer? Why 6 months?

Because I met you

I wonder if you ever hear Taylor playing on the radio and think about me. My life has been like a line from her song Anti Hero "I wake up screaming from dreaming, someday I'll watch as you're leaving, and life will lose all it's meaning"

I wake up randomly at night, remembering the pain, trying to go back to sleep but I can't and I can't turn off my mind and the fears of everything. The fears that you left me for good and you met someone and you'll never talk to me again. And I start screaming. I'm so extemely in pain and I don't know how to turn it off

When I got home not that long ago, I ran to check my phone, and saw nothing from you. I sat down on the couch and started crying. Just like I always do after I check my phone and there's always nothing

I'm starting to feel like you're not coming back. Like you're happier without me. I can't force myself back into your life if you're happier without me. Even though this is killing me.

I used to feel better after crying, every time I cry. But it doesn't matter how much I cry. The pain doesn't go away.

Remember when I told you, my love is too big for you my love?

Remember all the times I kept annoying you so much talking about my exs and how they hurt me?

Remember all the times I told you I was scared of getting hurt again?

This. This is why

I have no idea how I'm walking around like a normal person. That's what people see on the outside. They don't see inside. They don't see my heart bleeding. Call me overdramatic, but I'm not. I'm extemely hurting. And nothing takes the pain away. I lost my favorite person. I lost my best friend. I lost the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I don't care that you weren't perfect. I just wanted to be with you. Even if you hurt me so much and yell at me and make me feel like you don't care about me and I don't mean much to you

I was never going to leave you. And I didn't. Sometimes I wonder if you think that. The only thing I did was open the door and tell you that it's your choice what you do. All I want is for you to be happy. And the more days that go by without any texts from you, the more I think you chose to leave

I only see you in my dreams. I wake up in pain remembering that you aren't talking to me. But even in my dreams, you don't want me back

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rachaelnpc · 2 years

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At a point I need to chalk it all up to lessons learned. I don't want to relive any of it. There is this longing to share all of it and say, 'What the fuck was that? What are the odds? What a peice of shit! Sit with me and cry, get angry.' But why? What good will that do? No one wants to feel that deep pain, I sure don't.

I want to look ahead. Set new goals. Keep laying down the peices that are my new normal. To keep healing and bettering myself. Only then will I be ready for whatever life has to offer.

I have this hope inside me like something amazing is about to happen. I look around and I don't see anything out of the ordinary. I have little stories of what I would like to happen but those are far fetched or very selfish. I am just me after all. Life isn't a cute love story but it doesn't stop me from day dreaming.

I had a dream the other night. It felt so real. You held me in your arms and I felt so safe, relaxed, loved and wanted. I cannot remember the last time truly feeling all of those at once. I felt whole. You kissed my forhead, I melted never wanting to leave. Tears filled my eyes because I realized that I was dreaming. Strange, I had control of the dream. I got up and left the room saying I would be right back. You said, 'I'll be here.' I smiled and went into the hallway, I started to cry, sliding down the wall into my knees reminding myself it isn't real, just in my head. I woke up with tears on my face.

I wanted so bad for your embrace to be real. I want to feel that way with you. Only you, no one else. I see other people when I go outside, none of them are you. I try to think, hmmm what if but I feel nothing or worse, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'd rather be alone than with one of them, I don't trust people with my heart like I used to. I'm trying to learn how to read people better so I don't fall into a trap again. Studying the ways of the human mind. It is fascinating and terrifying at the same time.

With you I feel like there is this person I knew in there. This person that I can be my full awkward, weird, quirky self with. It was so long ago. There is so much I want to ask you, what have you been up to all this time, what stories do you have, how did you get to where you are now? I'll be sad I missed it all but I want to know you again.

Then the self doubt sinks in. Who am I to just insert my self into it all like I matter? I think daily how I should just leave you be. Everyone told me back then. Leave you to be happy and live your life. When I saw you in the cafeteria with your friends. I was going to say hi but my friends held me back. 'Don't do that to him, let him be happy.' So I walked away. That summer, I loved seeing you. I wanted to respect your boundries. I didn't want to make it complicated. I loved the few times we laughed, never really saying anything. The feelings came flooding in and I had to step back. You seemed happy. I was told over and over I can't wait, to let you go. I never fully let go, which I especally realize now. I think I was meant to hold on to you just enough to help set me free from the darkness I got lost in.

There were times a song would play, a movie, a joke or something that would trigger a memory to pop into my head reminding me of you and I would smile. I would look around at my life and think, welp this is adulthood, that was when we were kids. Life isn't like that anymore. This is the reality of life which isn't that bad because there is so much to be greteful for. Life isn't close to what it used to be, it is so much harder now to be happy. That must be what being an adult is.

The world, it felt like, went dark. I couldn't find up from down. Less and less mattered. What was the point, what is this all for? And then there you were. Saying words that filled me with hope. I followed it into this place. Reminding me of how I felt long ago. Seeing you be truly yourself sparked in me so many memories. I remembered how it felt to be loved by you. It hit me all at once, like you breathed life back into me somehow. The memories of a time that had faded deep into the back of my mind. I wanted to go back so bad but I knew I couldn't. To be back in a simpler time when it seemed effortless to be happy and loved. Reguardless, it gave me the hope, drive and determination to fight for myself. You reminded me that I was worth it once, I could be worth it again. I used to have big dreams, believed in myself, so much possibility. You are proof that good still exists in the world. Not everyone has been hardened by the world turning cold. I had to stop making excuses for all that was wrong in my life. The reality was, I was living a nightmare. You woke me up. I finally saw where I had truly eneded up and I had to get out, no more excuses.

I stood up and walked away. I started to run. I ran back to what used to be home. That is the only other place I have known. I leaned into the ones that have always been there for me, people who really see me. I no longer had restrictuons for who I let into my life. Things are so much brighter, lighter, easier now. I am still lost and unsure but I am free. I am so greatful. I missed everyone so much and they all accepted me again with open arms. I feel home again.

I have to remember the feelings with you were long ago. I need to leave you be, so you can be happy. I will find happiness again. I hope to find someone to love me the way you once did. That is a high bar but one that I think is worth it. Thank you for lighting my way, this time you saved me. I hope you continue to be happy because you deserve nothing short of the best.

I'm trying to be just a passing ship in the night, to truly let go this time. I can't seem to open my hand and let go of the shread of hope that I have held onto all this time. I think the hope served it's purpose. Why did our paths cross and in a few different ways. Am I keeping it crossed, should I uncross it? There are so many who want and can give you so much. Who am I to step in? I had my chance and life got in the way or maybe that is what you let me think. There may have been more reasons as to why I wouldn't have been right for you. I just want you to have a happy life, to be loved, to have all your dreams and desires come true because you, out of all people, deserve it.

Light up the darkness, you always do.

#Spotify

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