#I'M BACJ
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IM BACK‼️
tbh I forgot that Tumblr existed for a bit-
BUT I'M BACK TO POSTING REGULARLY
#the nightly manor#The nightly manor GSP#Gsp#Osc#object shows#silly#yippee#art#gay#doodle#traditional art#I'M BACJ
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"There's a hole in my heart in the shape of his name, and yet you expect me to love again so easily?"
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i actually hate cj sorry I CANT STAND HIM
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Three night dives in a row and at 7:45 the next morning you overhear the team lead say "-then we'll dive at 9am to scout areas"
#'we can come bacj for the dive gear'#DIVE GEAR MA'AM????#i post this late bc I'm about to go to night dive 4#im. oof. oo boi
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Hierarchy is cruel
It is exploit and be exploited
We ourselves are being used up
Denied access to the resources of our planet
So that we may be desperate enough to exploit others
Conscious consumption is a lie.
You cannot afford the $200 garment made by ethically hand,
You must buy the $20 piece, made by those who are exploited even further, by the same people at the top
because you need to wear something or you cannot go to work, you cannot go acquire food
It is not your fault and yet it feels like a failure, because after all, there are those who can afford to travel, and own expensive cars. They did it, so why can't you?
So we feel our exploitation, and feel shame at how we are forced to exploit others.
I do not blame those who are above me on the heirarchy, because I have no choice but to do the same. Humans who live hundreds of miles away make the things that I must buy, and they are suffering to do so.
We are all under the same boot and those at the top have constructed a system that forces us to indirectly or directly abuse each other.
#I don't have a solution I'm just talking about it#acknowledge the inherent privilege of being able to buy things that are ethically priced but also recognize please that there is no#no ethical consumption under capitalism#the raw materials are stolen from countries that did not develop weapons quickly enough to fight bacj#ahhhhhh
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no, just super seriously right now, for those of you who struggle with negative self-talk: how do you make it stop? is there some kind of thing you can do that shuts it down? is there an exercise like those we do when we have anxiety/panic attacks? do you have a way to ignore it? or do you just let it consume you like i do
but i would really like to try and make it stop, i would honestly love some answers
#and don't say just go to therapy#i can't afford it#i wish i could and i would love to go bacj#back*#but i'm a broke bitch#so if you have any advice?#i really need some#luiza.txt
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going to sleep thinking about how aziraphale didn't even get what he ultimately wanted in the end. which is being together with crowley.
#i'm pretty sure the thing that convinced him to go bacj to heaven is the promise of crowley being able to follow him#but now that's fallen thru and he can't say no anymore#the desperation in his voice when he said i need you still breaks me#good omens#shitpost
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#weird how when im ignoring the pain my brain or body feel and im tryinf to read or experience the world#and suddenly all words or emotions or things in life just become: pain#and i have yo bacj track and double check every 5 seconds like what that didn't say/mean pain#i mase that up#wtf where did that come from?#why did i think pain? 🤔#oh yeah bc i'm in pretty bad pain rn huh go figure#bye im gonna go suffer at work now whelp#ignore me#my uterus is trying to kill me again
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I try so hard to always be optimistic and have hope and be positive etc but times like these i genuine cannot function i feel so sad and angry and hopeless and i feel like i'm drowning and on top of it i just feel so guilty for not being able to go back to turkey to help
#on top of just feeling so idk stupid for thinking this year was going to be really good#two months in and it's been back to bacj tragedies and i'm barely able to function#like actually barely hanging on
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Fireworks scare me so bad
#bunny speaks#noises freak me out not too bad! as long as I'm inside#but oh god. box of gunpowder.......#I'm literally just sitting there half convinced it's going to explode for no reason#and I know that's stupid and I didn't used to be like this!!!#but my brother is holding a Roman candle and NOTHING IS GOOD!!!!#AUGH WENT OUTSIDE. WRONG!!!!!!#IMMEDIATELY GETS BACJ ON TUMBLR#felt like a cat (unable to discern rhythm of scary noises)#my hell looks like fireworks too close apparently!#bunny vents
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#girl who is so so sleepy yet refuses to stop scrolling and put her phone down#july 25 2023#girl the passage of time#july 26 2023#I GE TO SEE MY FAVORITE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT HUMAN TOMORRROWWWWWWWWWWWW#MISS PLZZZ TELL ME WHAT TOME IR COMING I JUST WANT TO SAY HI N GIVE U A HUG I MISS U#ok.#july 27 2023#SOBBIN SHE GIVES LITERALLYYY THE BEST HUGS EVER#wtf no like#really truly the best tightest hugs just on seeing me i'm crineee#also she is soooo flower power girlie coded i want to be her bff so bad#no yeah miss jellison and mrs silavong 🦋💞🦋#just like the easiest ppl in the world to talk to trust them w my life sob i wish i could spend more time w them:(#i am trying so so hard to be normal but like she just gives literally the best hugs in the world.#like ever genuinely what am i meant to do ..#am so very pleased by the face that every time i see her from now on i'll probably get a hug that brings to me soooo much joy omg#being so embarassing and over sharing on main we laugh to see it#july 28 2023#SORRY LAST THING BECFORE I GO BACJ TO NORAML#it's cos all my previous hugs have been like after i gave her a gift or when i saw her in rso or after my recital and those r so so special#but now i know she just hugs like That all the time jus when she sees me i'm on the floor#july 30 2023#back for 2 seconds unfortunately it's bc she's literally kelli ohara energy . ..... .!!!!! .
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Mom is like i was sooo worried about all the hanging lights and glass stuff and I'm like ME TOO like we both didn't scream bloody fucking murder 10 mins ago over letting the house be and getting out
#mom locked herself in her room once she found out I'm safe like woman agar kuch hoo jaata toh 😭😭#like she was out there with monkeys in house till i told her I'm in bathroom and then she left-#and the anxiety oh god bc I thought she's still out there the worst 3 mins of my life#also it was the BIG ones yk the big black/grey ones who fight bacj
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Help, I thpugyt tgat if I used a glittrb pren tp writr in my diaty thsn it'd sound lwss deprssi g bur now it jyts lookd hikaruoisly emo.
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I know you have analysed them a lot but what is your fav part of rhaelya? And what's a fic idea you would like to write about them?
oh Rhaegar & Lyanna are the reason I joined fandom for the first time, so you know my love for them is special 😅 as for my favorite part: I have probably talked about this before but I'm very touched by the concept of 'human connection in a hurricane.' It's about how chaos causes panic & panic can overwhelm us but it's true purpose is clarity. In the mire of asoiaf political intrigues and betrothals, Rhaelya represents that clarity. In general, I find Rhaelya to be more similar than not (for all the icefire chatting). What do you do when you love your father but he's the reason you can't go home? If the people who love you can't help you or save you, does that turn you cruel or empathetic towards the world? When do/don't we trust?
There is also the obvious which is that Rhaegar & Lyanna fall in together because the other is what they admire. It may seem like a random & sudden pairing but really there's a mirroring from the beginning. Rhaegar sings a song to an audience which doesn't understand—Lyanna cries for a reason her family doesn't get either. Their coming together is about hiding the Knight of the Laughing Tree's identity and in that moment they see each other. Lyanna jousts for Howland—Rhaegar does it for Lyanna. Ostensibly the latter are chivalrous acts (defending the weak/honoring the maiden) but because they're not performed within the usual paradigm as expected these actions are a) reviled and b) reveal what truly motivates the two: Compassion. Justice.
I am also partial to the complication of returns/how leaving a place that is no longer safe is a love story/the moments that beg you to run headlong into them and you, human as can be, make that choice. All of these are part of Rhaelya's story. It's true that Lyanna left her family who she loved. People will say ah she was young, she was stupid, she was blinded by Rhaegar's charisma; but again, this is a moment about clarity. About certainty. Justice is about what happens in the future. Lyanna ran to the future & left behind only those whose love mattered less than their ability to possess her.
Rhaegar I have recently longposted about so it's clear how I formulate him. On the Lyanna part I've definitely said this but basically once the war kicked off there was no way for him to transport Lyanna anywhere without further endangering her and/or him family with Elia—you need to understand that Rhaegar loved his children to understand him at all. That he loved his mother, his father, had seen them broken down & turn apathetic or even cruel towards the world. You need to understand that Lyanna represented a shining light of hope against this backdrop for him. I am also one of the people who believe that Rhaegar & Lyanna's sexual relationship only started after Brandon/Rickard were executed so clearly this is a complex but also painfully simple story about the human heart for me. I love people at their most human. Affirming people's dignity during suffering or crisis is an ethical duty I feel I have towards others. And GRRM did exactly that for Rhaegar and Lyanna, so how can I not love them? I'd ship Rhaelya if I was born in a small Bavarian village in 1753, etc etc.
As for the fic I'd love to write, there are two:
1—
Rhaegar riding through the Riverlands on his way to the Ghost of High Heart. He's with Myles Mooton, Arthur Dayne, Richard Lonmouth, Oswell Whent. They stop at the Inn at the Crossroads. Everyone's laughing and drinking, Myles is flirting with the one pretty barmaid while Rhaegar is ContemplatingTM—Bess is her name. Bess boasts about all the ladies and lordlings who stopped at their inn recently & gives a description of what sounds like Brandon and Lyanna Stark. They enjoy riding out on their lil horses. But, Bess says, the Northern lord didn't like the look of our little lordling so they didn't stay long & haven't been bacj. The girl was kind though! She gave a few coins for the boy after slipping away from her wroth brother. Suddenly, Rhaegar's tuned in and the little lordling is trotted out...
A toddler with black hair and blue eyes. Soon after, the plans change.
2—
Their first meeting including Rhaegar nerding out a bit over meeting a crannogman after Howland uses lite magic to try and help them escape. Benjen & Howland trying to take responsibility for being the KOTLT and failing. Lyanna not just a winter maiden but a stubborn Northern bitch hardened by winter (it's the iron underneath baby!!). Sussing each other out during a long silent stare down. Maybe somebody even cracks a Joke? That kind of thing.
OK long answer 💀 sorry but I can't help myself!
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Gijinka 2.0 of glados my ultimate beloved 💪
rambling and also sketches and stuff i made to come up with the design below:
Not very organized and also not the best pics but idc soo uh glados yeah, well since she is my favorite character ever I have to do her justice so I took the time to slowly come up with things for her design and stuff ( I do this sometimes for other gijinkas but she is probably the one i took the longest so far lmao) sometimes making doodles and being like "oh yeah that could look neat af" and trying it out, nothing insane just me vibin making terrible fashion choices, oh also I have made a glados gijinka before! But like there is barely any posts of her in Here lol, which is funny because I remember drawing her a ton but of course I didn't post that stuff bacj then because I was either lazy or was like "well this isn't worth to post, no one probs cares about this specific thing so whatever" both terrible mindsets of mine which I have gotten better at, but laziness still gets me a lot lmao, anyways I'm happy to have finished making her ❤️
#portal 2#glados#gijinka#humanization#android#fanart#im happy with this! happy to finally show her and to update my design for her#expect to see her again#i rlly wanted to make portal fanart but this was holding me back lol i had to finish it first#also! expect the wheat#eventually#and portal 1 ver of glados as well#not soon but eventually#❤️#my art
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HELLO MARCH AM BACJ sorry I never get enough ur writing is too good
Can I request sitting in his lap + nazuna + tsukasa 🤧🤧
Your writing is so sexy I can't even begin to describe what went through my mind body and soul upon reading the last one I requested it's so domestic I'm thoroughly in love with it augh
A/N: hhhhnnnnnjh … I lacked inspo for this, and I’m really sorry if that shows up in the hcs ,,, regardless, I hope you’re able to enjoy these qian <33 Also good god why are they so hard to write correctly
*ೃ༄ Lap sitting with Tsukasa Suou and Nazuna Nito (sep)
⤷ Nazuna will always happily welcome you into his lap whenever you’d like. He enjoys having you as close as can be, and there’s no better way to hold you as close as he can than sitting directly in his lap. With him, it feels natural, gentle, soft — when he envelopes you into his arms and squeezes your waist so reassuringly, it’s difficult to think of much else, so focused on the slow, warm breaths fanning over your shoulder, and the strong arms wrapped firmly around your waist.
⤷ Lap sitting comes extremely naturally to Nazuna, allowing you to rest within his lap as he completes other work for university or for Ra*bits. Having you so close to him like this is as soothing for him as it is for you, allowing for him to work with a clear mind. No words even need to be shared, a comfortable silence befalling the two of you as he continues his typically head-ache worthy work. But now, with you tucked between his legs, head resting on his shoulder, he finds that he can complete it a little easier.
⤷ He finds the position to be incredibly intimate and connecting — and even if it sounds silly, he believes that sitting together in that way allows for you both to be brought even closer together. The gentle pressure of you atop of him brought a comfort unlike any other, and it allowed him the perfect position to wrap his arms around your waist, and rest his chin on your shoulder, all while gently rocking you from side to side.
⤷ During late night conversations, you always find yourself on his lap. He enjoys supporting you in this way — talking about anything and everything from philosophy to what you ate earlier in the day. The topic itself mattered naught, but the position in itself was enough to make any subject of conversation deep and meaningful. You both led complicated and difficult lives, so to come back to one another at the end of the night, seated in such a way, was enough to make both of your hearts warmly clench within your chests.
⤷ In all, finding yourself placed within his lap is no rarity. It’s comfortable, and brings you both peace of mind. Nazuna doesn’t care when or where, he’ll never hesitate to scoop you up and splay you upon his lap, smiling so widely at you, so handsomely — you can’t help but lose yourself within his embrace. Nothing else could possibly matter when you had each other like this, so close, holding onto one another so tightly. You both were safe, and you both were loved — and that was all either of you needed to know.
⤷ Tsukasa doesn’t know quite how to go about bringing you into his lap. He has a decent understanding on the concept, as he’s noticed other couples sit together like that often, but he himself isn’t sure how he should ask. It’s his duty to be a knight — to be your knight, but he still can’t help but feel somewhat confused. But mere confusion wouldn’t stop him. If it were for you, he would ponder it for as long as he needed to. He had only ever wanted to be your perfect man, after all.
⤷ It may feel a bit awkward and stiff at first, but Tsukasa tries his hardest to let you get comfortable in his lap. He doesn’t know where to put his arms, or his head, or what to do with his legs — but his efforts are endearing, and he pouts at your amusement. With a little reassurance, he’s able to put his mind at rest, resigning his arms to hold your waist and burying his face in the back of your neck. This was still new and foreign to him, but he found himself getting more comfortable with every passing second.
⤷ After awhile of letting you rest in his lap, he grew completely lax and felt incredibly at ease. He now understood why other couples enjoyed this so much — he could support your body, and it made his heart flutter in his chest. Safe to say, he would be doing this with you more often now. He almost laughed at his previous nervousness at the thought of this, smiling to himself as he nuzzled his cheeks into your neck.
⤷ He feels on top of the world when you’re seated in his lap — you allow for him to be akin to your own personal throne, and he couldn’t possibly be happier about it. It becomes something of a safe haven for the two of you, somewhere that you and Tsukasa can rest together whenever you feel like it. Kisses and cuddles abound, Tsukasa bashfully declaring his love for you, and his love for you sitting on his lap. He deserves some praise for his chivalry, no?
⤷ It’s somewhat of a milestone, at least in Tsukasa’s eyes. He had almost feared it in the beginning, wondering how you could possibly enjoy sitting in his stiff, all too still lap. But now, it had become one of the many things he enjoys doing with you. It’s something he can look forward to after a long day, pulling you into his lap, kissing all over your shoulders, and listening to you giggle as he gently squeezes your waist. It was all so dreamy to him, and he hoped that you would feel the same way.
#marchie scribbles#ensemble stars#enstars x reader#enstars#ensemble stars x reader#tsukasa suou x reader#tsukasa suou#nazuna nito x reader#nazuna nito
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