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beskarandblasters · 14 hours

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Stonecatcher - Chapter Four: What a Wicked Game to Play, to Make Me Feel This Way

Din Djarin x F!Reader

Series Masterlist | Din Djarin Masterlist | Series Playlist Artwork: The Lovers by René Magritte Gif: @cherubispunk

Series summary: You’re an arms dealer living on Dantooine when you cross paths with an up-and-coming bounty hunter. What starts as a business relationship quickly becomes more. How long can you bury your emotions and be a stonecatcher for someone else before you finally snap?

Series warnings: instant smut but slow burn romantically, angst, use of Mando’a words/phrases, no use of y/n

Chapter summary: You hire an assistant and secretly hope it makes Mando jealous. Word count: 3k

Chapter warnings: fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, creampie

One standard month.

It’s been one standard month since you’ve seen Mando. You’re trying not to fixate on the larger gap of time and what it could mean. You’ve hardly had the time anyway. Casia’s a whole new place. With the changing of the seasons and the influx of travelers, the village has been transformed from a small, off-the-beaten-path type of town to a bustling hub in between major cities.

But when you’re alone at night, the thoughts of Mando seep in.

Where is he?

When will you see him again?

Does he think of you, too?

You sit in silence with the truth, letting it eat away at you at night. It’s in the back of your mind, hiding out of the corner of your eye. Never facing it head-on. That’s admitting defeat. It’s easier to pretend that the truth is something much kinder.

With the new breath of life in Casia, your business has also grown. The requests from your regular customers for more obscure, specific stuff have been overwhelming, combined with the new customers you’ve accumulated. You’ve had to make more trips to Coruscant for supply runs over the past two months. You’re anxious that Mando will pass through town when you’re not home.

The reality is, that you’re running yourself ragged to Coruscant, three times since you last saw Mando. And you’re barely living life. You think you might have to hire an assistant and you don’t even know where to begin. Sulee will know what to do and even amid all the chaos, you’ll always squeeze in time for her words of wisdom.

It’s the middle of the week and later in the day. If you don’t go now Sulee will be in bed already. Inventory can wait until tomorrow.

When you leave your house the streets of Casia are crowded, but that’s the norm lately. It won’t last long, though. Nighttime is about to settle in and the crowd will migrate to the cantina like they always do. With all of the business Casia’s seen lately you wonder how Sulee’s been handling it. And then you feel guilty again for not checking in and a pit forms in your stomach.

Not now, you tell yourself.

Her light is still on so you slowly let yourself in, peering around the door and looking at her as he sits in front of her trusty wood-burning stove. She’s stirring a pot and whatever she’s cooking up smells delicious. And like always, it’s impossibly warm inside, sweat forming on the back of your knees and down your spine.

“What are you cooking?” you ask, sitting on a stool on the other side of the stove.

“Soup. Been feeling under the weather.”

“It’s from all the people passing through I bet. You don’t think you should close until the busy season is over?”

She looks at you like you have five heads.

“And miss out on all this business? You’re crazy.”

“I just worry about you!”

“Don’t. I’m fine. I have my soup.”

You sigh and wipe your forehead with the back of your hand.

“So what is it that you need? I know you didn’t come here to lecture me about getting sick,” she says playfully, looking at you with a smirk.

“I need advice.”

“Okay.”

“I’m struggling to do all of this by myself.”

“So hire someone.”

“You came to that conclusion rather quickly.”

“It’s an easy decision.”

“I don’t even know where to start.”

“I’ll ask around for you.”

“Thanks,” you say, reaching over the pot and grabbing her hand. Even though she’s sitting by the fire her hands are as cold as ice.

She lets go of your hand, lifts the ladle she’s stirring, and asks, “Want some?”

“Sure,” you smile. A warm feeling runs through you, and not just because of how hot it is. For once you feel like you’re at peace like how things were before everything changed.

The next morning you’re greeted with a swift and strong knock on your door. You came home at a decent hour last night since Sulee turns in rather early. Yet when you got in bed you couldn’t fall asleep. You were up late thinking about all the changes in your life lately.

You pull yourself out of bed despite how hard it is, glancing at the clock after you rub your eyes. It’s mid-morning, not too early in the day. A perfectly reasonable time for someone to stop by.

Another knock.

You throw on a jacket so it’s not too obvious you’re in pajamas and open the door. It’s a man you’ve never seen before. He’s tall and burly, towering over you. He’s wearing a black tank top, both arms are covered in tattoos. They’re folded across his chest and they’re huge. You should be scared… but most if not all of your customers look like this.

“...Can I help you?” you ask.

“I was sent by Sulee. You got a job opening?”

“...Oh! Wow, she found someone rather fast. Please, come in,” you say, stepping aside.

He steps inside, looking around the room at your stock. You watch him as you close the door. And it seems you’ve already jumped to conclusions about him…

There’s not a thought behind those eyes.

Don’t judge him just yet.

“The name’s Kham… Sulee tells me you’re looking for an assistant,” he says, turning and facing you.

“I am. What do you know about this industry?”

“I’m familiar with it. I… was part of a gang in the lower levels of Coruscant.”

“Really? How did you end up here?”

“I needed somewhere quiet to go after I got out of prison.”

Prison… He might be just what you need.

“So what I’m hearing is you have contacts in the lower levels of Coruscant,” you say with a hopeful tone.

He sighs. “I suppose I could reconnect with them if the price is right.”

“Six hundred credits a week.”

“You got yourself a deal,” he says, extending his hand.

You spend the first half of the day showing him your inventory, explaining to him how you do supply runs on Coruscant. You have a feeling that’s all about to change given his old contacts he’ll be reconnecting with.

Hiring him already proves to be a big help because he points out a major flaw in your business– You keep all your product in the front room of your house.

“Have you thought about moving all this shit?”

“...Should I?”

“It’s in your front room… You’re practically begging to be robbed.”

“Huh… You’re right.”

“Got any other place you could put it?”

“My basement?”

“Let’s go.”

You spend the rest of the day bringing everything down to the basement. And part of you feels a little silly for not keeping things this way from the start.

As you lug boxes and copious amounts of blasters up and down the stairs you silently wonder what Kham went to prison for. But if there’s one thing you learned about working in this industry; you don’t ask questions.

Now that you’ve spent the entire day moving boxes in your pajamas, you’re ready to be alone. You’re walking Kham out, telling him he doesn’t have to stop by so early the next day. And yet you lose your train of thought when your door opens. Standing under your light outside is Mando

And as if seeing Mando triggered something for you, your mind is screaming over and over– ruusaan.

He’s not leaving without telling you what that means.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Kham!” you say, hastily bidding him goodbye so you can focus your full attention on Mando.

“Who was that?” he asks casually.

You secretly hope he’s jealous of Kham, jealous of a man who’s spending time with you. And yet he isn’t.

“My new assistant.”

“Good for you.”

“…That’s… That’s all you have to say?”

“Glad you’re getting the help you need,” he shrugs. “It was getting a little crowded in here,” he says, finally stepping inside and closing the door behind him.

You scoff and roll your eyes, stepping towards him and asking, “You buying anything tonight?”

“Maybe. I have to see what you’ve gotten since I’ve been here last,” he says, stepping away from you and walking around the room. “Where did you put it all?”

You’re frustrated. You haven’t seen him in two months and he can barely give you the time of day. He can’t pay any attention to you?

“In the basement,” you sigh, rolling your eyes again and heading into your bedroom.

“Where are you going?” he calls out.

“You know where to find me when you’re done,” you say, quickly fixing yourself up. You take off the coat you were wearing all day and glance at the note he left you at one motel. It gets you thinking… You’re going to try something bold; waiting for him naked, flopping down on the bed while he searches through your inventory.

You lie in bed and repeat to yourself the nickname over and over, like a mantra.

Ruusaan.

Staring at the ceiling you wait for him like a dog with a bird at his doorstep.

“I made a list of everything I’m taking,” he says in the hallway. He walks into your bedroom and sets the piece of paper on your dresser, turning and looking at you on the bed with a hand on his hip.

“You’re…” he starts.

“Naked? I know.”

“But…”

“That’s how this works, right? You come, you buy something, we have sex, no?”

He doesn’t respond to that. Instead, he sits on the foot of your bed with slumped shoulders.

“I’m sorry that you needed to take care of me like that… You know, at the motel.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“For the massage.”

“I wanted to do that,” you say, moving to sit beside him.

“Why?”

“You seemed like you needed it.”

“That’s not a good reason.”

“I just wanted to help,” you shrug.

“Regardless… I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”

“It’s normal to need help from time to time, Mando,” you tell him, meeting his visor.

“Let me return the favor sometime and then we don’t have to talk about it again.”

Ouch.

“Okay,” you say, taking a deep breath.

He’s so… delicate. It’s ironic considering his line of work, considering what he’s made of, considering who he is. But he’s not delicate in a physical way. He’s delicate emotionally in a way that makes you wonder… Who hurt him? Did he let his guard down once before? And did it prove to be a big mistake?

“On your back for me,” he says gently, turning his helmet towards you.

You linger for a moment, looking into his visor before obeying his commands. You know the drill; lie on your back and close your eyes, let him do his thing.

A moistened finger teases your entrance before plunging itself inside you. A moan catches in your throat. He works your walls until you’re dripping, pushing the second finger inside. How you wish you could open your eyes. The boundaries he sets are so blurred, so arbitrary. It’s okay for you to suck his cock but seeing the skin of his hand is taboo.

Before the added level of anonymity only excited you. Now you want to break through those walls and dig deeper into who he really is.

“Stop,” you say suddenly.

“Is everything alright?” he asks, sliding his fingers from you.

“Can I open my eyes?”

“What-”

“I’m not asking to see your face…”

“I know but-”

“So I can see beneath the armor when I’m sucking your dick but when you’re fingering me.”

He doesn’t say anything so you continue.

“Why do you only drop your boundaries when it benefits you?”

You feel him shift on the bed.

“Open your eyes.”

Finally.

You open your eyes and look down between your legs, his fingers are sliding back inside you. Your gaze snaps back up to his helmet, looking directly into his visor as he makes you writhe.

“Is this what you wanted?”

“Yes…” you say with a shaky breath, voice jumping as he makes the come here motion with his fingers.

“You already gonna cum?” he asks, cocking his helmet to the side. You can only imagine how he’s looking at you.

“Mhm,” you moan, biting your lip. You cum around his thick fingers, your release soaking his hand. He pulls his fingers from your cunt, putting his hand in front of his helmet to look at this mess he made like he’s proud of it, rubbing his thumb against his index and middle fingers.

He kneels in between your thighs, cock straining against the fabric of his flight suit before pulling it out. Pre-cum leaks from the slit on the head, beading up before spilling over as he strokes himself. You spread your thighs farther apart, letting him hover over you as the tip of his cock teases your entrance. He’s so silent, the stone-cold stare of his visor stunning you into likewise silence. It all changes when he finally enters you.

This time is different. Before he had you on a table. Then he bent you over the bed. At the motel, you rode him. But this time, you’re face-to-helmet, yet again imagining what he looks like under there. What does he look like when he’s feeling immense pleasure? What does he look like when his cock is buried deep inside someone?

You catch a distorted reflection of yourself in his helmet, mouth agape and moaning in pleasure. You feel his patch of pubic hair brushing against you every time his cock is buried to the hilt. It makes you want to look, wondering how he keeps himself groomed down there. Knowing what you know about him, it’s neat, almost meticulous.

You look down but he grabs your chin and forces you to look at him again, holding your head in place as he rails you. Moans come out as pathetic whines while you’re reduced to a mess. His cock hits the perfect angle each time he draws his hips back and slams into you. Your orgasm is nearing. The tension in your core is about to snap.

“Mando, I’m gonna-” you start but you’re cut off by your own moan.

Your ears are ringing and your walls clench his cock, waves of pleasure washing over you in a euphoric symphony. And for once, you’re looking into the eyes of the person who is responsible for this feeling. At least you imagine you can see his eyes.

Hot cum spills inside you as he lets out a deep grunt, cock inside you as deep as it’ll go. It’s then that he lets go of your chin and holds your hips, keeping you in place as he finishes.

He pulls out swiftly and gets off the bed, retreating to the armchair in the corner of your room, thighs spread wide in an inviting stance. You sit up and look at him, watching as he catches his breath, modulated pants slipping out from under the helmet. Maker, you want to sit on his lap, letting him hold you until you drift off to sleep. But he couldn’t even be bothered to get in bed with you at the motel. You shouldn’t want him. You shouldn’t let yourself want him and yet you do. You can count all the times you’ve had sex on one hand and yet you want him to touch you, to cherish you, to love you.

But his talents start at touching you and stop there. Why do you want him so bad?

Like an addict you crawl back to him, finding a home in his lap. He doesn’t protest like he probably would. He does owe you a back rub. But if this were any other scenario, any other circumstance, he’d be questioning you right now.

You straddle his lap, knees by the outside of his thighs. You lean against his breastplate, head resting on his shoulder. He tugs off his glove before he drags his nails across your skin. He scratches your back soothingly, lulling you into a state of bliss. You ignore the pit in your stomach telling you that this is a one-time deal, that he never wants to talk about this again. Because once you feel cared for. You wonder if this is how you made him feel at the motel. Maybe he’s not used to being cared for or his needs being met.

You’re lost in thought, replaying every moment since the fateful day you met him until now. Tonight was a win in terms of breaking down the barriers he set between you two. A small victory but you’ll take it. He seems like he requires real work, time, and energy. And that begs the question; can you change him?

It seems like you’ve already been trying this whole time.

“Hey, don’t fall asleep.”

“Let me,” you half whine, nuzzling your face into the fabric of the chair.

He lets out one of his famous sighs but ultimately gives in.

“I did move a bunch of boxes all day,” you remind him.

He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he continues to scratch and rub your back. His gloved hand rests on the back of your neck. Before your mind goes completely fuzzy you think to ask about the nickname and remember to ask.

“Mando?”

“Yes?”

“…What does that name mean… ruusaan?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

With that, you let yourself fall asleep.

You wake up in your bed, alone of course. You roll over, glance at your dresser, and spot a hefty pile of credits. He must’ve paid and left. You pull yourself out of bed and glance at the list of stuff he purchased. The credits he left are more than enough. But on the bottom of the note it reads;

Until next time, ruusaan.

Fic notifs: @beskarandblastersfics

Dividers: @saradika-graphics

Tag list: @wannab-urs @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @clawdee @schnarfer @djarins-cyare @chiyo13 @burntheedges @pamasaur @littlegrungegirlaf @freelancearsonist @survivingandenduring @pedrostories

#stonecatcher #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #din djarin x f!reader #din djarin fanfiction #din djarin smut #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x you #the mandalorian fanfiction #din djarin #the mandolarian #star wars fanfiction

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mcsm-confessions · 2 days

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Lukas’ character is so overlooked because hes ‘hot’ and its genuinely terrible because i love analyzing his character SO much so let me dump some headcanons (?) or just rambles

I really, REALLY wish Lukas was more meaner throughout the witherstorm arc if you were mean to him as Jesse. His charming and kind demeanor is a huge part of his character, and I admire him for that, but if you chose the worst dialogue options/story decisions (leaving him in the basement, telling him to stay away from Reuben, letting him leave the shelter, etc.) he just,,, takes it. The worst he does is call Jesse out for their actions and leave the cave, then apologizes to them one episode later. I was upset that Lukas felt the need to apologize to Jesse even though they were the one that excluded him in everything and treated him horribly and as if he weren’t apart of the team, and realized that Lukas’ easy forgiveness (?) might’ve derived from being around the ocelots. (uh oh this is where the rambling starts) Like,, this dude was around the worst people ever, I could imagine them doing the most god awful things and Lukas would have to apologize on their behalf. They literally became terrorists in episode to jealousy. I personally headcanon Lukas had been friends with the ocelot many years during the post witherstorm arc, but they, excluding Lukas, changed for the worse. Lukas believed that they could still be better, so he waited, and just became a bystander when it came to the ocelots bullying Jesse’s gang. He waited and waited until the day the ocelots ditched him for being apart of Jesse’s gang, (even though he quite literally risked his own safety to save them from the witherstorm’s grasp) and then just rebranded to the Blazerods. Despite having a good heart, being around terrible people influenced him a lot. And not in a ‘changing Lukas to be a bully’ way, it’s more-so a making him scared to show even an ounce of uncomfortableness or fear around his own friends. Whenever he’d try reasoning the ocelots, they, especially Aiden, would discard his feelings immediately. They’d probably make him feel sorry for even showing the slightest bit of emotion, thus leading him to apologize to Jesse even though he got heart. I’m not saying Lukas can’t stand up for himself, because he very much has on several occasions. But I am saying that he’s an empathetic guy and sensitive person at heart, also a HUGE people pleaser (which is confirmed, if I remember correctly). um ok im done projecting myself on Lukas. moving on!

I wanna talk about the injuries he gained throughout the portal arc. You cannot convince me he went out of the portal arc with absolutely no scars at all, especially with the things he had to bear through. Example, being punched by Aiden, tackled by a guard (if the player chose to follow Milo), and pushed off sky city. It was visible he was suffering from the pain of Aiden punching him then quick to push him off the island, because he asks Jesse if he can stay down in the surface because he doesn’t have enough strength to follow Jesse back up. This all happened in episode 7 by the way. And in episode 6, the worst thing I can remember is the white pumpkin shoving the mask on his head. With how quick Jesse was to arriving in the scene where Lukas got framed, Cassie probably hurt him in the process especially since his body was kinda wobbly (which derives from aches). Even though he looks okay after that occurrence, I can’t help but see him still suffering from the aches when he was encased in the closet. Moving onto episode 7, where I believe the worst injury happens. If the player doesn’t choose to save Lukas in Harper’s lab, Lukas has to endure having a mind-controlling chip literally implemented into his brain until the final battle. Also, he got electrocuted in the pama fight and had his hand punch through glass forcefully (he’s wearing a glove, yes, but his knuckles are exposed) and then went unconscious for a little while. And again, that chip was literally implemented into his BRAIN. That would leave some sort of scar or bleeding, or leave a long-lasting side effect even way past the end of season 1 and maybe even season 2. I headcanon he gets frequent aches in his head for absolutely no reason, specifically the back of his head where he got chipped, then pictures the traumatic memories of being mind-controlled to try kill Jesse in his head. Poor guy deserved a good break. Onto episode 8, I can only imagine him suffering from the pain of being crushed (Mevia mentioned that although the competitors do not actually die, they still have to endure the pain later on.) in the games. Also still feeling some side effects from the previous episodes. Mind you, the portal gang hopped through multiple portals without any breaks, and didn’t have the opportunity to do so because Harper immediately led them to the door to episode 8. It’s crazy how they went through all those portals and suffered from several injuries without any breaks at all, which would add up to the trauma they’d get from the portal arc.

Overall, I really love Lukas’ character. He’s fun to analyze, and his writing is so painfully overlooked by the writers themselves, but that means more analyzing and headcanons for me! He’s definitely one of my favorite characters ever, I feel like I can project myself so much onto him because he unnervingly is extremely similar to me. But that’s a biiig reason why he’s my favorite. Okay I’m done now

~~~

#mcsm #minecraft story mode #mcsm confessions #mcsm lukas

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alarrylarrie · 2 years

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How was the new music you listened to today?? Anything you would go back to? I’m always looking for some new stuff 👀

Oh my gosh yes! I really enjoyed The Snuts and Fletcher’s albums. I went and listened to Joy Oladokun because someone suggested it and I adore her. I also started on Luke’s album but then I had to drive my kiddo and they have vastly different tastes from me lol so we listened to their playlist. 😆 So I’ll come back to that one later.

On the way home I listened to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs new album because I had totally missed the drop and I really liked it! Tomorrow I’m gonna listen to bad bunny while I clean, I think.

#I got SO many good recs I couldn’t get to them all today #but I wrote them down and I’m soooooo excited #I get in these music ruts?#so it’s nice to break out of it #like I rewatch a lot of TV too #but I started watching a new show this week all on my own #I’m trying to make decisions for myself?#which sounds obvious lol but honestly for me it’s…. not #it’s a long story but suffice it to say #I’m learning a lot about myself and what I think and how I feel #and that isn’t always fun but it IS important #ANYWAY THIS GOT LONG #sorry lol I’m home with no kiddo and my thoughts apparently lol #thanks anon! I hope you find good music!

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omtai · 8 months

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thinking of the rumination and dwelling of “it comforts me much more to lay in the foundations of decay” harshly interrupted and cut off by “get up coward”. Like !!!!!!! Stop wallowing !!! How is anything supposed to get better if you’re resigned to let yourself rot away in nothing but misery ?! Get the fuck up !!!! Aaaahhhhhh

#I’ve been thinking about this all day #Get!!!! Up!!!!!! Cowaaaaaaarrrdddd #like it may feel better to stay miserable. but that’s only cuz that’s what you’re used to #you gotta make the active decision to get up and put in the effort to try make things better #the ‘you’ in this is me btw I’m talking to myself #can you tell ive been looping foundations all day

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herawell · 7 months

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#negativity cw #mother mention cw #if there’s one good thing about last eeekend’s meltdown #now I know that even after almost a year of therapy which supposedly ‘saved’ her marriage to my dad #my mom still feels no compunctions about last year’s Dec 20 and 21 screamfests #where she told me she would be gifting my dad a divorce for Xmas and it would be my fault #for trying to [redacted] herself in front of me while I whisper screamed for her not to #for blaming me every year since age 13 for their marriage being in the rocks #after a year of therapy and imploring me to seek therapy myself #she still doesn’t regret any of it #I vowed to myself after last year’s Christmas meltdown that I would never get them any kind of anniversary gift again #not after a decade of being blamed as a child for their issues #and now I feel no remorse about that decision #no flowers no chocolates no cards no special surprises #I’m the eldest child and earning close to six figures and not a penny of it will go to celebrating their Union #and i don’t care how bad it makes me look #she can get a one-line ‘congrats’ in the family WhatsApp group chat and that’s it #you don’t get to scream at me every 18 months ever since I was 14 #that I am the one strain on your otherwise faultless marriage #that it’s my fault my siblings will grow up in a broken home #that it’s my fault we’ll have to sell the family home of 30 years to pay for the divorce #and never apologize at all even years down the line when I’m an adult and you’ve had your ‘character development’#and expect me to celebrate your Union #it’s very very petty and idk if she’ll notice bc I’ve never really made anniversary gifts for them before #but that’s my revenge

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61below · 10 months

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#meanwhile in minnesota #I’m sick and I’m trying to coordinate big plans but it’s also freaking me out yet I’m trying to remind myself that I’m SICK #so my heart is pounding and my chest is tight bc ::sickness:: not bc my lingering mini conviction that I’m psychic #I don’t make big decisions when I’m hungry so why on. earth should I trust myself to make plans when I’m not feeling well?#((fucking lyme. seriously y’all #the lingering heart issues are just Annoying at this point))#point is: I’m choosing to focus on my garden instead. My GARDEN!!

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shaykai · 2 months

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your fave Hexxat anon here. When you get to the end of her ToB quest, you might have to reload several times to get the right outcome. That final dialogue is a tricky sonova. I had to look up the right answers myself, and I'm a crusty old bastard whose been with BG since the first game came out.

YEAH I HAD TO RELOAD ONCE (and then the second time I feel like I wasn’t nearly as supportive as I wanted to be but I wasn’t about to let that happen again lololol)

Did beat the game the other day, though! Hexxat had a lovely ending <3

And also Sarevok was mad and my one regret is not getting to murder him yet again

#Hexxat and Kaine living out a -relatively- peaceful life over in waterdeep my beloved #also hurt my bones a little when she makes you promise that you’ll kill her if she asks but like. I get it dhdjdjdj #and I’m not going to insist that she stay alive but tell her no- that’s just cruel sjsjsjs #also love how supportive she was at the end #where she’s like yeah no I’ve spent the last 2 centuries trying to get the right to choose something for myself #I won’t stop you- whatever decision you make is yours #and then immediately being like I’m so happy you chose to stay here I love you <3 #(also again Sarevok yelling about it and being oh so disappointed is always a good time dndjsjsjjs)#ANYWAYS I’m having emotions about the game tm #anon #ask #bg2 spoilers

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themoonunderstoodmydadjokes · 2 months

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If someone wants to send some nice words my way, it’d be greatly appreciated right now 🫣🫣🥺

(anxiety thoughts in the tags)

#it’s late and I’ve thought myself into a hole #she’s having a panic attack about moving out 😵‍💫#like do I know things will be fine? yes. am I still panicking? also yes #there’s too many things to do and I’m losing my mind trying to figure out how to get it all done #I’m also just terrified of having bad neighbors or shady landlords and idk I’ve thought about it too much now #and there’s just so many things that could go wrong #and then if they do I’m fucked because I signed a year lease #yes I am gonna go cry about it thanks for asking #trying to trust myself and trust my decisions is HARD #like I know this bitch she makes dumbass decisions #but we’re trusting that this is the right next step and that I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing #mine #text post #I don’t do well with change and transition #also logically I know that I can’t be certain of things going well or being fine but we’re trying to think positively😅#my therapist told me that this is really good and that there will be not so good things that happen but it matters more how I deal with it #which solid advice but also still just wanna cry and panick and avoid change at all costs even if said change is good for me

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edwardian-sea-witch · 1 year

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Pros: so so so pretty. The Perfect shade of green. Low heel while still giving that Victorian/Edwardian look. Currently on sale for ~$50 less than the other two pairs.

Cons: not exactly an everyday shoe. Doesn’t 100% match the aesthetic of my dress for the event I’d want to wear them to. Satin probably snags/stains relatively quickly.

Pros: another lovely shade of green! Looks historical while being walkable, practical, and wearable w/ modern, semi-historical and fully historical looks. A replacement for the thrift store ankle boots I inexplicably destroyed for no good reason to have boots for my Continental Navy impression. Gender-neutral styling to help balance the intense femininity of some of my historical-looking outfits.

Cons: not as dressy as the other options—wouldn’t necessarily be an addition to my fancy events wardrobe despite the price. Is it wise to buy a pair of “walking boots” with leather soles given my track record with mud and dirt and scuffs and other sundry destruction?

Pros: look at that detailing. Quintessential Edwardian fancy nonsense. It’s giving Little Red from the Into The Woods movie, which were shoes I absolutely dreamed about in high school. Could wear them to the fancy event this fall and also incorporate them into future historical/-adjacent outfits, or even dressier modern ones.

Cons: higher heels than I’m generally inclined to wear—can easily make an outfit too intensely feminine in a way I don’t like. Only available in black when I’d rather have bought them in green, but that’s sold out 🙁. Not as easily adjustable as a lace-up.

#historical fashion #stitchcraft #first person #will I end up buying any of these? who knows!#I’m trying to distract myself from making financially unwise purchases by delaying my decision making!#not that I’d be able to wear any of these until October anyway!

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coastalhorrors · 8 months

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I AM ALLOWED TO MAKE STUPID AND IMPULSIVE DECISIONS SOMETIMES I AM A HUMAN BEING WHO IS ALLOWED TO TAKE RISKS AND MAKE MISTAKES IT IS POSSIBLE FOR ME TO RECOVER FROM FAILURE THIS WILL NOT KEEP ME DOWN I WILL CONTINUE TO LIVE AND TO MAKE THE MOST OF MY LIFE AND FIGURE OUT WHO I AM IN THE PROCESS

#sorry guys I’m manifesting lol I’m quitting my job tmrw for better or for worse @_@#I already have 2 interviews lined up and I’ve submitted like 10 others and I have my monthly bills and payments paused if smth goes wrong #I AM ALLOWED TO BE STUPID AND IMPULSIVE I AM ALLOWED TO TAKR RISKS THAT IS PART OF LIVING #I have to keep reminding myself #I don’t have to be unhappy at my current job I can make the conscious decision to try to become happier

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fortes-fortuna-iogurtum · 1 year

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I am trying so hard to save money lately, but it is so hard, especially when there are so many things that make me want to spend. the latest temptation is that I really would love to participate in a Make-Along this spring, but don’t know if I can justify spending $60+ on the yarn kit for it (especially when I already have a whole closet-full of yarn from my workplace from when we had a big inventory clear-out last year)

#I’ve never done a make along and I just think it would be super fun?? a fun thing to keep me motivated and give some low-key enjoyment #and a way to destress over the next few months (which are guaranteed to be hectic and stressful)#and there’s a super cool mystery make along gearing up right now that looks really fun #and if I don’t end up liking the finished product I’d be more than happy to gift it to someone else #and there’s both a crochet and knit version of the pattern #and while I would *rather* do the knitted one (I just seem to enjoy knitting more lately for some reason?) the price for that kit is at #least double the price for the crochet one #so I think I could just resign myself to doing the crochet version and it would all be fine. but I’m still stuck trying to figure out if I #can justify dropping $60 for it 🙃#the one thing I’m telling myself could help make it worthwhile is that I really cannot crochet while watching tv as easily as I can knit #but I *can* listen to audiobooks #and my Read The Bible In A Year plan is using an audio Bible #so maybe I could promise myself that I’m only going to listen to my Bible readings while I work on this project and it could be a #good motivator for me?#idk girls. decisions are silly and dumb. love having a free will and all that but sometimes it’s irritating as all get-out.#especially when it comes to these little goofy probably-inconsequential things that I always manage to agonize over forever :P #gurt says stuff

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sexynetra · 9 months

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A bit random, but I'm really curious... how did find out you were a lesbian? Because I'm trying to find out about myself (I'm a girl) and the only thing I'm sure is that there are people that attract me and people that don't... not necessarily related to gender.

Omg hi darling!

I wish there was some sort of shortcut to figuring out sexuality but unfortunately it’s a lot of trial and error in my experience.

When I first came out over a decade ago, I identified as pansexual, and I liked that label for a few years. I was like. Maybe 12 or 13 at most and honestly didn’t even fully understand what attraction felt like. That morphed to queer eventually because I didn’t really know how to describe what I was feeling or what my experience was, but I knew it fell under the umbrella.

Probably 4-5 years ago I started… dipping my toe into lesbian identity? Before that all I had in terms of calling myself a lesbian was crying to my friends that I might be a lesbian every time I had mediocre sex with a guy, but i didn’t for real start considering it until later. I honestly started so small, like using lesbian flag backgrounds whenever I made a picrew or making lesbian jokes around online friends, which morphed into lesbian jokes with real life friends.

It was kind of a slow progression but I essentially lived my life as a lesbian, made jokes about being a lesbian, continued to use lesbian imagery online, but kept calling myself queer because for some reason I was scared to take the plunge 😂

Anyways long story short, I kind of fell into my full true lesbian identity by accident, my friends (who knew my family was super accepting and that I was out to them) started making lesbian jokes about me around my parents and at one point my best friend told my mom that Im lesbian (I was out to her as queer, but not lesbian). If I wasn’t me that would have been very bad, but my parents are wonderful incredible amazing Allies and I found it extraordinarily funny, but also it helped me finally get over that last invisible hurdle I had with calling myself a lesbian.

Anyways I’m very lucky to live in a super open accepting community, have super supportive family and friends (and lovely elder lesbian aunts who I would kill for), and not really have any major risks (for the most part) to being openly lesbian where I live, but it still took me MANY years and many labels to accept and embrace myself.

Anyways that’s a super long winded answer and life story you fully didn’t ask for, but in my experience, trying to force yourself to fit into a label doesn’t work out, and just letting yourself exist and like what you like and not worry so much about the “correct” language is going to make you happier in the long run! You may be lesbian, you may not, honestly I recommend trying calling yourself a lesbian in online conversations, putting the lesbian flag on picrews if those are still a thing, just small easy things to see how it feels and if it feels right.

Plus, there’s no one way to be a lesbian! Gender and sexuality and attraction are waaaaay too complex to box things in so narrowly, don’t let the chronically online people tell you you’re doing it “wrong”

Anyways I love you, I hope you have a smooth journey discovering yourself, and my DM’s are always open if you need anything at all. Nothing means more to me than helping other queer people embrace themselves and blossom!!!

#this is so long I’m so sorry #anyways I wish it was an easy process but alas!#your experience is real and valid regardless of what a predefined label says you should feel #and the labels are sooooo fluid and so complex #lesbianism is so much more than the watered down strictly delineated stuff you see on like… tiktok #also! if you try a label for a while and it doesn’t feel right #you can just… switch it up!!!#sexuality isn’t a one and done you don’t lock yourself into a label forever #things can change and what might be right for you at one age is no longer right at another #I think I have always been a lesbian but I also think that for my experience in the world and my life as a tween;#calling myself pan was absolutely the correct thing #and it was an identity that helped me come into my own and gave me a sense of power and pride #so even if I’m not pan now; my decision to identify that way when I was young isn’t something I regret in the slightest #asks #sexuality #lesbian #lesbianism #queer #anyways I love you so much anon you don’t even know and the fact that you came to me with this makes me feel like crying (in a good way)#literally all I want to do ever is support and uplift queer youth like if I don’t go into a career that centers queer activism and support #then I have failed #anyways I am always here to listen please feel free to dm if you want to chat or send in more messages if you prefer to stay anonymous #I will always be here to listen and support and help any way I can!!!!

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