HOLY HELL GUYS! I found Cody’s mystery tattoo! I have my memory to thank for this one!

A question/invitation for conversation For pplw/BPD that have experienced obsession towards someone they admire:

How does the euphoria of the obsession affect you? Do you feel more hypersensitive in general? More hyper/alert? Protective towards that person(or even fictional character)? Etc etc. just curious how ppl experience this very intense fuckin thing.

Like rn I feel kinda hypomanic. But I’m 99% sure it’s not my bipolar symptoms randomly flaring up again. Not even bc I’m medicated but I do get really tired and I still experience hunger like usual. I feel like those two are the biggest red alert to a hypomanic episode: if sleep and food don’t feel necessary. But ngl still paranoid lol.

But ya I feel an immense amount of motivation and focus even. Also urgency I’ve mentioned before. And yes a part of it is I want this for myself but another big part is I want to impress the person I’m obsessed with. And mind u they are a celebrity so that’s a far goal. Which weirdly ends up working out for me. Cus I feel like if it’s someone I kno irl then that goal is closer cus I’m already one step in by knowing them.

Idk This is the first time in my life where an obsession this fuckin crazy in my head feels actually helpful for me in the long run. Im at a specific point in my life where I feel like I’m just in the beginnings of really blossoming into my fullest selves. Things are starting to click internally. Slowly but surely. I’m becoming more in tune with my identities even with so many more years ahead to work thru. Still have so much to work thru.

But ya anyway; I’m also feeling a time crunch cus I’m getting olderish and like shit is getting more and more fucked everyday. I want to live my life to its fullest especially bc my mental problems have not allowed me to feel the ability to do that. I want to feel freedom within myself. I want to feel all the joy and love I have to offer towards myself. I’m getting there slowly.

So yeah. Thank you to my current obsession for inspiring me so deeply that I’m striving to thrive and to explore my fullest and deepest potential. Even once the obsession passes, I’ll always b grateful

GMMTV 2024 PART 2 (I heard Gmm is letting fans submit stories for adaptations now😭😭 bffr gmm and hire WRITERS)

•US: GL NATION ITS ANOTHER WIN!! EMIBONNIE !!! WITH SING. I couldn’t have asked for a better cast Usually I’m not up for the “siblings having same love interest” typa story but the shots looked so pretty plus P’Fon is doing this series so IM SEATED. They took the best trailer of the night for me !!

•Revamp (The undead story): WabiSabi probably having a bad day rn💀 GMM has two vampire projects now? hmmm which one of them will get pushed back to 2025🤔 Boun is one sexy vampire BounPrem always look good tgt. Aah sooo many familiar faces are in this, I’m looking forward to it

•Thame-Po (Heart that skips a beat): An Idol romance series! Unexpectedly I’m very sold on this EstWilliam are very handsome and something was working there. Sammy is also here🥺 Since real idols will be singing I can expect better performance too☝️

•Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist: Mark getting his well deserved main role. I’ve been waiting for this day!! The plot might be simple but it will be adorable. My pretty (REAL) doctor Jimmy is also in this- most likely to give me a second lead syndrome haha

•The Heart Killers: FirstKhao and JoongDunk with P’Jo. Unlike my impression of the mock, this is a ROMCOM🤡 Yeah the pilot was not clear at all FirstKhao have great chemistry but it just felt like I was seeing SandRay in another universe. On the other hand, JoongDunk have finally made it out of the universities. I heard that it’s gonna be based off The Taming of the Shrew by Shakespeare, which confuses me more. I’m quite skeptical about this

•The Ex-Morning: Who would’ve thought I’d see KristSingto in a bl in 2024😭 It’s so nice to see Singto onscreen again. The rekindling flame theme is ironically suitable for them. Apparently P’Aof is writing the original script with the Sotus director. I’m torn about this cuz I dislike krusty a lot but the nostalgia is kinda hitting me. It’s truly og revival era

•Perfect 10 Liners: Not an ensemble again🤦‍♀️ I was so confused when I saw the huge ass line of actors onstage but it seems like this will be split into 3 parts to focus on all of the cps. So basically it’s Midnight Series but only gay with Jittirain’s mediocre engineering plot💀 Even if I were to watch this it will only be for JuniorMark but no promises made cuz I can’t even bring myself to watch We Are rn

•Ossan’s Love Th: actually I was seeing EarthMix in the opposite roles but Earth being the one stuck in between is much more fresh ig. I cringed a lot while watching this. Idk Earth maybe comedy is not your forte? I won’t be sure until the actual thing will start airing but still the sirens are on🚨

•Scarlet Heart Thailand: Tu is back again in an adaptation after quite a while. They’ve put together a strong cast here but why is Gun not here!?! I’ve neither watched the series nor read the novel but I’ve heard people say it was traumatising🤡 Since it’s a historical setting, this will cost a lot in production I don’t expect this to air until the end of next year

•Leap Day: This is the best one out of the lakorns announced in part 2. Gun is always acting his ass off damn. This show will be stressful asf but the plot is pretty unique. Everyone’s reaction when Pond said Gun is playing his younger brother was so skdjjdj

•Hide & Sis: Janhae in a family murder drama niceee I got some Pretty Little Liars vibes in the start. If you’ve enjoyed PSIHY you’ll probably like this too

•The Dark Dice: Is this Jumanji and Squid Game mixed and made darker?? Prim definitely loves doing thriller shows but I beg of her to get out of that school uniform already💀 and Gemini finally got to put his hands on this genre. I’m not interested at all

•Friendshit Forever: Girl who is coming up with these show names😭 They had me believing it was a gl in the first 30 secs. Ohh Boun welcome my pretty boy. Betrayal game shows are so boring🤷‍♀️

•Break Up Service: So Midnight Motel made even more illegal? It’s funny how I can see the clear distinction in Off and Gun’s solo project styles lol

Right now I can say I’ll watch atleast 3-4 of these shows. Well many of these series won’t be airing until next year considering Part 1 list is still pending to air Overall part 2 was much MUCH better than part 1

Not attacking your points whatsoever, but I just wanted to say I was actually floored when you said Vil doesn't garner as much sympathy from the fandom as say Azul or Riddle, especially considering the actions he took to attempt at redeeming himself - maybe when episode 6 comes out he'll be able to garner more considering he becomes the Meg of Idia's story.

Also your points on Vil not being relatable shocked me just as much because the idea of being put down by others and trying hard for something and still not reaching that end goal despite the struggle kinda seems like a running theme in western media rn. Nonetheless, love your analyses as per usually do keep it up👏

[Referencing this post and this post!]

Hey, no offense taken! ^^ I love hearing from other people; it encourages having a discussion!

Perception on this might vary depending on which pockets of the fandom one frequents, but I’ve always been under the impression that Vil was not well-liked by the international fans, especially prior to episode 6. A lot of this, I believe, had to do with how strict he is, especially towards Epel (as well as a commonly held belief that Vil was shallow and vain before we got more elaboration on his past). There were little uproars here and there about how “abusive” Vil is to Epel (smacking his hand for using the wrong eating utensil, telling him to not speak in his hometown accent, etc.), and it’s clear that people feel very strongly about this matter, as it is still something that is debated to this day. I think this makes it harder for people to sympathize with Vil; they don’t see him as someone “sympathetic” because Vil is stern and always has a strong suit on, even as a child (compared to Azul and Riddle, who are revealed to have softer sides, which will naturally draw pity).

On the subject of Azul and Vil, I’ve always thought it was extremely unfair that they’re treated so differently in the fandom 😔 If you think about it, their backstories have similar elements: they came from good homes, but were labelled and bullied by their peers, then formed their goals around defying those labels placed on them, just in different ways. Azul pursued revenge (seeking to take from people via deceptive means), and Vil worked himself to the bone in hopes of landing a heroic role that would prove his bullies wrong. So why is it that Azul, the one who actively does bad things with full knowledge and awareness of it, earns more sympathy than Vil, who makes an honest effort to win VDC through his own abilities (and only takes drastic measures when driven to the brink), gets cast to the wayside? Again, I supposed this difference in treatment could come down to other factors like character popularity, relatability, vulnerability (Azul is prominently shown to be vulnerable in episode 3, but Vil doesn’t really show a moment of weakness until the end of episode 6), and how the main story itself treats them, but it’s still been a sore spot for me when I think of the dynamics of the dorm leaders and the fans. (And to be clear, I personally don’t like Vil or Azul; This is not a case me defending Vil over Azul because of an inherent character bias.)

Anyway 😩 even though I don’t like Vil that much myself, I’m hoping that he gets more people on his side when EN releases episode 6… Cuz man, I feel bad for the guy 💦 he tries so hard, yet he still basically gets treated like a “villain” by the international fandom (which is, ironically, what episode 5 was trying to tell us Vil DIDN’T want). The whole situation with him is just riddled with irony.

I don’t think I can comment much on the popular themes of western media; I don’t watch enough of what would be classified as “western media” to talk about the trends I’ve noticed. However, when I said “I don’t think Vil is relatable”, I don’t mean that he’s entirely unreliable. Every dorm leader has parts of their backstory that people can relate to, it’s just that Vil’s specific circumstances are rare. I can’t think of many kids (or even adults) with the same drive and maturity as child Vil, nor can many relate to being a bullied child star. It’s a lot easier to just relate to the “being bullied” segment that is in Azul’s much humbler beginnings. People can relate to Vil trying hard but still failing, but that’s someone that results from his circumstances; most will see the circumstances first and not focus on the finer details.

Actually, I would argue that the “trying hard but failing anyway” part of Vil’s character plays into why some (particularly young people) dislike him or think he was “done dirty”. When you’re younger, you think you’re invincible and can do anything. You generally have more hope. You expect good things in return for trying hard. Not so when you’re forced to face the realities of the world. It was probably jarring for younger players, especially those who associate Disney with “happily ever afters” to see Vil NOT get his. (Again, there was a lot of outrage in the community when episode 5 first came out and NRC lost to RSA.) Meanwhile, adult fans who are generally more jaded, can appreciate that Vil stays strong and works hard in spite of not being rewarded for it. It’s a sad but bitter truth, and maybe some people just.. didn’t vibe with that reminder 🤔 I’ve heard others describe the revelation (and, subsequently, the end of episode 5) as “a slap to the face”, and I can understand why it doesn’t feel good.

currently rotating three separate aus in my brain rn, but for now I’m gonna talk about Musical Chairs because it has next to nothing to do with music or chairs, I just like metaphors 

basically, it’s a role swap au, like the characters are swapping “chairs” and also CHEATING AT THE GAME. CESAR YOU CAN’T SIT IN TWO SEATS, STOP IT

tag any of this as ship and I will make 100% certain that your favorite character is killed off in the most emotionally-damaging way possible

spoilers for Vol.2 and brief mention of suicide under the cut

in the AU, the main focus is the fact that Mark and Cesar swap with Adam and Jonah. it’s not an exact swap yet since I still haven’t decided whether Mark or Cesar take Adam’s role as a sleeper agent (they both kinda fit for different reasons, namely Mark’s encounter with 6 when he was little but also Cesar being replaced by an alternate in canon), but whatever

Evelin and Sarah swap, leaving Eve to mourn Adam’s death and Sarah to partially renounce Mark for one reason or another (I’m sure there are quite a few)

Ruth and Thatcher swap with Dave and Evelin, pretty self-exclamitory

6 and Gabriel swap places. their personalities (at least, what we know of them) work perfectly with their roles in canon, so I’d love to see what things go terribly wrong when Gabe is changing diapers and 6 is in charge of organizing the alternate uprising

I was thinking of maybe swapping Johnny the cat and Stanley, but honestly I’m not sure? not much changes if I do either way so for now, just assume their places in the story haven’t been... altered [ba dum tsk. no one laughs]

the alternate that replaced Cesar actually takes the messenger/Preacher’s role, since... do I seriously have to explain myself on this one is it not enough to just trust me just this once /lh

so!! the AU starts out like. similar to canon honestly, but diverges pretty quickly

Adam calls Jonah, says he needs him to come over and feed his cat while he takes his mom in the hospital, but right off the bat Jonah starts freaking out because. this is Jonah we're talking about 

"WHAT?! she just- passed out?? like, totally randomly??? Adam, why are you so calm about this????"  "dude, I'm taking her to the hospital. just feed [insert cat name here] while I'm gone, it's not that big of a deal."  "IT IS THAT BIG OF A DEAL, MAN! YOUR MOM JUST PASSED OUT FOR APPARENTLY NO REASON RIGHT AFTER YOU HEARD HER SCREAMING!! what if it was an alternate? listen, I am not going over to your house, sorry. your cat will just have to starve."  "come on, it's fine."  "I'm allergic to cats! also, your house is fucking CREEPY! also, you literally heard your mom screaming and then found her passed out. big fat NOPE from me, call Eve or something instead."  "I tried calling her already. I didn't see anything before I left, okay? please?"  "ughhh... I can't fucking believe I'm agreeing to this... if I die, you're paying for my whole funeral, alright? I want a super fancy gravestone, something all-" "okay, okay, sure. just come over."  "fine."

(the cat's name is either Luci or Applesauce, I haven't decided yet. this is not important to the plot at all I just thought you should know)

so,,years later, Sarah and her brother, Mark, take an interest in the paranormal because they're a coupla' little nerds™️. Cesar joins the newly-formed Mandela Paranormal Club, it's quickly redubbed the MPS, Mandela Paranormal Society (the name is different because they never moved out of Mandela County, since Mark never shot himself), and just like that, we have our main cast 

Cesar and Mark make a... chaotic duo, to... say the least. on their own, they're not too bad, but when paired together they're prone to reckless, dangerous decisions that could ultimately lead to one or both of them getting killed,, wink wink

Cesar isn't scared of much, and always overestimates his abilities in a situation in hopes of impressing others. this kid has,,,he has issues, yeah, uh. he isn't scared of traditional things, like the dark, spiders, etc. etc., and doesn't startle easily, but he's terrified of alternates even if he claims that he isn't. 

Mark, on the other hand, is,, pretty timid, actually, probably has anxiety, etc. etc. very easy to scare the pants off of, but absolutely enthralled by paranormal stuff. he's wary of alternates, but harbors a morbid curiosity towards them. 

(the two push each other in the worst possible directions, it's so awful it's funny)

this, of course, is when they receive a call from a lady about her cat. smh,, it's the old Murray house, but they don't know that because Eve is Sarah's friend, not theirs', and... Eve doesn't like talking about it either way

Mark's in it for the curiosity aspect, Cesar's in it for the $1500, but they're both in. so when they reach the house, both of them go inside. here’s the thing: Mark doesn't want to go in without Cesar, but he still really wants to check this place out, so he. resorts to some very minor emotional manipulation. peer pressure. as one does

and Cesar, determined to prove that he's not a chicken, goes in with Mark and they agree to collectively check the footage later

the first night doesn't go too badly, they find the locked door like in canon, awkwardly call out to a cat ghost, y'know, usual stuff. Cesar is really put off by the vibe of the place- he feels like he's being watched, like there's something wrong. Mark doesn't notice anything different between this and anything else, but anything else is still pretty scary to him and he still jumps at every noise. 

at one point they see a spider and Mark has a full-on panic attack (I'm giving him every common phobia known to man /hj) and Cesar just. scoops it up and puts it outside. Mark is horrified.

“WITH YOUR BARE HANDS???!!" "...yeah??"

they check the footage the next day, and nothing’s wrong with it really. Cesar suggests the plan Jonah had in canon: they skip out, then show up again on the third day to collect their $500 a night for three nights

but before Mark can respond, the duo hears a scream from the house. Cesar’s... last memory of his mother was of her scream, so he understandably wants to get out of there as soon as humanly possible, but Mark’s suddenly having none of it, deadset on staying until they can figure out what’s going on 

“it’s definitely bigger than a ghost cat.” “...no kidding...”

they go in together again, and Mark discovers the door to the basement unlocked. he kinda,, wanders away from Cesar without really alerting the other boy of their new course of action, and Cesar doesn’t notice him until the door to the basement is suddenly swinging shut again 

“MARK!” 

he jostles the handle, tries to break the door down, etc. etc. ...nothing works. Mark sorta just. stands near the top of the stairs, just like. frozen for a good few minutes 

“it’s locked on your side, see if you can open it!” 

“Mark, are you still there?” 

“open the door, Mark.” 

“this isn’t funny, hermano.”

“...Mark?”

and then it opens again with a click and Cesar nearly falls on top of him and sends both of them tumbling down the stairs. luckily, he rights himself at the last second and they both hurry down together, to the room illuminated by the ghostly bluish glow of the television screen 

aaand that’s where I’m pausing. will return with more musical chairs later ig but it’s 1 am and I need to stop staying up so late

Jojo's can be hard to get into tbf, I wanted to drop it after the first part because I didn't like it. 😳

You asked and shall receive... Receive a sketch of one of my OCs in my sketchbook bc anything on my ipad rn makes me kinda cringe. There's also a tiny BSD animation on my blog that I made (it features Chuuya which is honestly the best part about it haha) 😔

OMG WAIT THAT’S ACTUALLY GOOD (I’m dookie at traditional art because I got so used to erasing and editing easily digitally so it all impresses me lmao).

I also went on your profile and watched the little animation and it made me giggle a bunch, I also make those but I totally insert myself lol.

For the askbox meme I’m asking not only my daughter Relena but also Trowa my son Trowa

THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU

Relena

First impression: calling myself out rn but not only because i am a Woman Lover but also bc i just love blondes i knew i would love her…….. i knew she would be based Impression now: but i had no idea HOW BASED!!! she really is so insanely funny and headstrong. she is so much more than u could ever anticipate Favorite moment: so many to choose from like "HEERO!! HURRY UP AND COME KILL ME!" (<- moment i knew she was crazy crazy) or her pulling out a gun at a formal event out of nowhere. but i do really adore the final scene with heero where she reverses the iconic episode 1 scene on him and rips the card he gave her with the smuggest grin… SO good. i already knew it was true love but that's how i know it was eternal!!!!!!! Idea for a story: can i please have like an insane family dinner with heero&relena and zechs post-canon. i find any kind of sibling relationships lovely esp when you throw in their significant other into the mix in an in-laws kinda setting its SO funny. wonderful. also i just really want to see her interact with zechs more, ALSO i would like to see more of their early childhood…. Unpopular opinion: APPARENTLY LIKING HER??? she's the coolest ever all relena haters are INVALID Favorite relationship: OH YOU KNOW IT!!!! HEERO… heero is such a handful but the thing is, so is relena. she is SO much more insane than one can ever imagine from just seeing a picture of her with no context. the only person who can handle heero and vice versa. THAT SAID, her dynamic with dorothy is also insane and very funny. i stan a crazy bisexual Favorite headcanon: i know it's confirmed she's north european but i think it's super funny if she's swedish particularly. she's sitting down and eating janssons frestelse with zechs and heero for that family dinner

Trowa

First impression: this guy's hair is really 90s and he is so slavic coded. also remember when i asked you "is the clown thing a term of endearment or is he really a clown". YEAH <3 Impression now: I LOVE HIM. HE IS LIKE A SON-IN-LAW TO ME. PRECIOUS CHARACTER i like him very much and you definitely endeared me to him even before i watched wing and moreso after i did!!! also he really is a clown. by occupation. for real. Favorite moment: ok i don't know if this is my all time favorite but i think a lot about that scene where dorothy and quatre are both hurt and trowa just picks up quatre and leaves. without dorothy. so funny. sorry #feminism but quatre is basically a woman (not in a haha feminine man way but like actually) but. it was so funny. love Idea for a story: sorry for the shipper brain but i still really want that 3x4 1xR double date so badly. it would be so awkward and based. both because i think both of these couples are true loves and also because i think putting anyone in the same room with heero and relena is hilarious. Unpopular opinion: i will be honest i don't know enough about wing fandom besides what you've told me? but um. he is NOT british i can say that much… whoever thinks that. sorry but its just not right it goes against my personal beliefs Favorite relationship: QUATRE/TROWA OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!! TRUE WUW. even the romantic aspect aside i Like Them Favorite headcanon: that he is BASED and SLAVICPILLED. (PART) ESTONIAN TROWA REAL AND TRUE!! he is eating kiluvõileib and sült after a hard day of work at the circus i know this. sorry these ended up both being about nationalities but in my defense i LOVE nationality hcs

zedaph or martyn inthelittlewood!!

both again

zedaph:

First impression: oh yoooo it’s the other guy that was in minecraft toy box alongside simplysarc! i didn’t know he was a hermit, i wonder what he’s up to?

Impression now: SCIENCE GUY OF ALL TIME. severely underrated hermit. i love him a lot and he deserves to go apeshit. incredibly brilliant redstoner

Favorite moment: idk man like all of s8. The Chamber was brilliant

Unpopular opinion: whoooboy. okay. potential Hot Take: i really, really feel like people tend to infantilize him and/or heavily diminish the role he has in team ZIT, to the point where it feels like some people don’t even really care about him as a character compared to impulse and tango? like for some reason there’s been a big uptick in zedaph content that literally could not be further apart from the way zedaph actually works as a person and hm. don’t like that!

Favorite relationship: uh i’ll be honest i don’t have a favorite dynamic of his rn. they’re all roughly equal in my mind. would love to put him in the same room as grian for longer than just a base swap and shake them a little bit. also obviously the dynamic i have wholesale invented between him and sarc Owns, but that’s because i made it up for myself

Favorite headcanon: @autisticlalna‘s alpha-z au, baybee! i really love the added layer of depth that comes with the implications of “zed is a clone of The Original Original Lalna That Worked At Yoglabs” and i think it adds a fun addition to his sciencey thing. it’s just really unique and also it means he can be little a sinister. as a treat

Idea for a story: uhhhhhh idk what if zedaph invented a new weapon called a gun i’d like to write a sequel to stormwatching the sandbox someday! of course, that relies on simplysarc uploading enough for me to squeeze more lore out of him, but. yeah

martyn:

First impression: oh yooo there’s a yog in this grian series? i didn’t know grian knew any yogscast members! i don’t know much about martyn but i’m excited to see where this goes!

Impression now: i rattle him gently and his one mcc coin falls out of his pocket. every time i watch his teams in mcc they do absolutely awfully and the one time i didn’t watch his team, he won. i’m very sorry martyn. also his lore is alright i guess

Favorite moment: i honestly think his double life series through cleo is hilarious in every possible way and it kinda owns

Unpopular opinion: ...yeah i’m still not a fan of the watchers lol. i tend to justify it with “this is some kind of entity pretending to be the watchers” but i just do not vibe with watcher lore. i feel bad because i know his lore isn’t intentionally the exact same as the fanon watchers i have disliked for so long, but it’s way too close coincidentally for me to be comfortable with it

Favorite relationship: just like with 3rd life ren. its renchanting duo. how could it ever be anything else. however also like i’ve mentioned in previous asks i would go absolutely insane over the thematic implications of a true impulse-martyn day one alliance in a traffic game, you would never get me to shut up

Favorite headcanon: anything bridging third life and yogscast i am SUPER down for. i think @strifesolution is the person i’m thinking of who likes drawing explicit parallels between the sacrifice at black heart altar and whatever the hell parvis and strife are doing in blood and chaos? and i think that OWNS.

Idea for a story: ohhh i dunno this is a hard one. maybe something with hopperhawk martyn, like he gets trapped in the breaker world that is trafficseries and then when he busts out he promptly decides he wants to dimension dive into other dangerous realities? yeah. maybe that

Interrupting my regularly scheduled queue because I had to say this NOW, it can’t wait 😂

I think I’m getting sick 😭 like, I’m chronically ill, so im sick all the time but like, I think I’m coming down with a virus or something

I feel MISERABLE. My worst symptom rn is my throat but I can already tell im gonna wake up tomorrow feeling 100x worse all over.

BUT it got me thinking…

My throat is so dry rn that I’ve been chugging so much water, juice, lemonade etc to try and alleviate it, but it’s not working (because it’s not actually dry, just sore). All I’ve succeeded in doing is making myself very full of liquid and nauseous. My stomach is exactly very settled atm, I don’t THINK whatever this is is explicitly affecting my stomach but it’s touchy. Trying to drink so much water to help my throat has caused some really bad nausea and sloshing 😫

Secondly- throat sweets. Eating so many of them that you get VERY nauseous from them. Is something I’ve accidentally done in the past, and was reminded of this evening when I have one and immediately felt sick as a reflex, like my stomach remember what I did to it in the past when I ate a whole packet of them 😂

I mean, I feel like trash, but these are probably really great tropes to inflict on your characters so.. 😂

Oh and also… I’m not gonna post photos of myself on here cos privacy and that but I took a photo earlier and posted it to my story on Instagram (bc ngl im a bit of an attention wh0re when I’m sick because i was never looked after as a child whelp) and I am NEVER pale. But I looked like white, and my cheeks were flushed very red. Honestly, I wish I could post it on here but you’ll just have to take my word for it. In a weird way, I was actually kinda impressed that I looked how I feel. Now it would make my day if someone saw that photo and messaged me to tell me I looked ill 😂

I’m also sorry if this doesn’t make sense either. My stomach is still unhappy and cramping and im pretty sure im running a bit of a fever as I can’t get warm and my mind is scrambled. Anyway, g’night.

I felt like barfing out my thoughts

Hi, hello, long time no see. This isn’t really any sort of update or anything; like the title says, i just have some thoughts and i want to put them into words lol. And i’m putting it here instead of twitter cuz of the bigger word count fa;ewiofna;e

THIS IS A WHOLEASS JUMBLE OF WORDS THAT DON’T REALLY MEAN ANYTHING, SO FEEL FREE TO JUST SKIP PAST

Anyways, um... i feel like i’m kinda losing the thread on bnha. It doesn’t really have anything to do with how the story is going or anything (though i will admit my focus is stronger whenever there are major moments with aizawa and mic, which,,,, there haven’t been much lately fla;oewfnwai), but more to do with the fact that i’ve been here for 4 years straight, which is,, the longest time i’ve been in one fandom at a time??? i’m super impressed of myself by that, but also?? kinda burnt out and honestly kinda super lonely?

Since finishing my multichap, i’ve actually had a little time to try and catch up on fanart and fanfic i’ve missed, and,, i dunno. none of it’s really getting me; even content that has all the tropes and ships i’m super into hasn’t been really grabbing me. It’s nothing to do with the quality of said works; they’re all well-crafted. Idk i’m just not feeling as enthusiastic as i once did.

Not to mention like 95% of the people who were in the em fandom back when i first joined have all moved onto other fandoms, so a lot of the time it kinda just feels like i’m t-posing and screaming silently in a very big and empty room lol. And this isn’t meant to throw shade at anyone!! I genuinely hope all my mutuals are having the time of their lives with whatever series they devote their attention to. It’s just hard for me to keep being invested in a thing when everyone i know that was there with me have all moved on lol. And then also i feel like i lost a good 2/3s of my audience cuz of my extended hiatus, so that also puts a damper on things.

Ideally, I want to stay with bnha at least until the story concludes. But i’m not sure how long that’s gonna be, and how invested i can keep myself until that point. Right now my focus is being pulled in like 4 or 5 different directions: bnha, OC stuff, real life stuff, and a few other small interests i dabble in every now and again like botw. So it’s been uhhh... tough... to keep one stable thread going rn lol

Now that I’m graduating, I want to try and post more often, i’m just,,,, not sure what i would be posting. Again, ideally, I would love to get some spark for erasermic and rooftop squad stuff. But my brain has just been mush when it comes to coming up with any sort of art/story ideas lately. I don’t know what it is, but it feels like i just can’t come up with any sort of semi-to-fully fleshed out plot anymore. And not even just with fandom stuff, but with original stuff too. Over this past semester, I managed to come up with an original story and characters that i actually kinda like and want to pursue, but i just keep running into these blank spots that, no matter how hard i try, i can’t find a way to fill them in. I can’t bring myself to blame depression for my mental fog, just cuz in the past i was going through a bad depression bout, and that time ended up being the peak of my creativity, so idk what’s really going on with me right now f;aoweifn

I know a good portion of it is probably cuz i restrict how many stories i consume cuz i don’t like the threat of potentially jumping fandoms. I have a whole list of anime recommendations waiting for me and other shows/stories/whatnot that i’ve been passingly interested in, and i hesitate to watch any of them, cuz there’s always that chance i’ll get too invested. Unfortunately, i’m not one of those people who can have a bunch of hyperfixations lying dormant until someone speaks the magic words and suddenly i’m all about it again. The way my dumb brain works is that I have 1 Big interest and a few very small interests. The small interests are basically always there, and i can consume them quickly and briefly without ending up consumed by them. But once that 1 Big interest changes, it takes a lot of time and effort to try and keep up the enthusiasm for that previous Big interest, and often times, it doesn’t work out and i get to the point where i basically don’t want to see anything pertaining to that old Big interest anymore (if that makes,,,,,, any lick of sense at all omfg)

Idk. This is a whole mess and a half of words lol. Guess what i’m trying to lament is my inability to consume new media without fear of it taking over my brain af;oewina. I want to find new stories, I want to expand my horizons, but i always dread the possibility of jumping ship to a different fandom. And I know i know it’s a really stupid thing to be worried about, but idk. I invested a lot of time into bnha, a lot of which got lost when i went on my hiatus, and a part of me is just like “bro you’re not DONE here”, but like,,, brain no worky. And i’m not entirely sure what to do or how to feel lol

TL;DR:

- I’m getting kinda burnt out on bnha but i don’t really know whether to try and hold on or just let go; and if i let go, i don’t know what will happen lol

- i want to try and post more, but i’m not sure what i’ll be posting

- my brain is Big Stupid and it’s frustrating

Lil update: we fought yesterday over sth stupid and he made a big thing out of it and I couldn’t understand and was kinda like wtf? But he was hurt because that little thing made him feel like my feelings for him got less.. we talked about an idea he had but I changed my mind now and now he thinks it’s because I don’t love him as much anymore. That’s what made it so big and since I didn’t show much compassion cuz I didn’t understand why it’s such a big deal, it got worse and he said let’s just break up and fuck the meeting, fuck everything, he doesn’t want to be with someone like me since I don’t care anyway so why should he care. He is always saying how he loves me more and he thinks that I don’t really love him. So he actually doesn’t want to break up fr but he blocked me now. Everywhere except tiktok. I said sorry on tiktok and asked if he could unblock me and he saw it but idk if he did it bc I can’t really see until I try to text. Idk if I should do it rn tho. He’s right about his feelings being stronger than mine. I’m still not fully sure but he is 1000%. I thought maybe when we meet the feelings get stronger and I’ll be more sure but I also felt like maybe I shouldn’t go there. 1. because it’s so far and I’m not like so in love that I’d be 100% sure it would be worth it? Even tho it sounds so bad.. but I’m kinda scared the meeting won’t go well. 2. I’d have to lie to my parents and do everything secretly. 3. We were talking about intimacy a lot so idk if something will happen and if so I’m scared of the „consequences“. Like was I pressuring myself and regret it after? Will I be able to look my parents in the eyes? What if we break up? I only wanted this with the love of my life that I’ll be with and marry, what if it’s not him? And when nothing like this happens, how will the meeting go? What would he think? I’m gonna be with him for a week in a different country.. will it be bad and awkward? Will he be hurt again, thinking he’s not good enough for me since it’s our first meeting and he is always saying that I’m way out of his league and I might not want him after seeing him in real life. Tbh he wasn’t my type but his personality made him so much more handsome in my eyes.. his personality and the way he treats me is really out of this world. It’s rare to find someone like that in this generation. But yea he’s insecure about his looks and he even lost weight and everything only for me, so he would be „better for me“. Idk what to do. We haven’t been talking since yesterday after the argument and idk if I should call and talk and try to win him back or if I should restrain myself from him now so I won’t hurt him and also myself anymore (we had almost broken up before and I did other things that hurt him, not intentionally but things that made him feel unloved and like I don’t care about him enough) And since I’m Muslim and he’s not, it would bring so many problems in the future with my family. So I always have this in my head too. Always thinking maybe this is wrong.. I’m not sure if I should try and meet him or just stop and forget it.. Do you still think I should meet him? Btw I already bought the tickets but I mean if I don’t go then I don’t go, I’m not gonna go only for that reason, it’s not about the money. I’m so lost rn.. I think it’s because it’s soo soon. So I need to decide quickly but I feel like maybe I needed more time, that’s why. We don’t know eachother for thaat long. Sorry for the super long text!..~

In your message before, you gave me the impression that you were worried the meeting wouldn't go well. Now, I believe you may not love him... you just like him a lot. Sure, the physical aspect is a big factor in loving someone, but especially in the early months, there is alwayssss a strong attraction. You might want to keep him in your life because he's good to you, but that doesn't mean you're truly in love. I understand that you're overthinking important things; especially when it comes to your parents & intimacy. Don't let him influence you. If you're not interested in intimacy with him, be clear about it from the start and don’t give him any false hopes. If you're soooo unsure, it might be best to end things. You just like him because he treats you well, and you’re worried you’ll never meet anyone like him again. And IF you decide to see him, communicate your boundaries clearly beforehand, so you won’t have any regrets!

Hiya guys

I’m confused and vaguely upset unfortunately

I have no actual proof that CB likes me back or likes me at all (not platonically, my bsf reassures me that we’re at least friends I suppose)

unfortunately for me i keep romanticizing him and hoping for interactions that could lead to something more

and they just don’t happen

and then i’m sad

but i’m trying to think of the good interactions

bc it’s not like i didn’t interact with him at all

what didn’t happen were interactions that he initiated

and that kinda hurts ngl

i mean he responded when i asked him questions and stuff

but nothing he said to me first without me prompting anything

so basically what happened today was it was an all day robotics day

which meant all the robotics kids got to skip all their classes and work on robotics projects in the shop (bc they’re all super behind)

i am not a robotics girlie, but he is and so are some of my friends

however i have 1 actually study hall and then a longish lunch period and then my last class of the day was an unofficial study hall bc my teacher left early bc she was feeling unwell

so i spent all three of those periods in the shop

originally i was just with my friends

i eventually migrated over to where CB was working at

there were other people there too so I also talked to them

but he’s just so

observant

he watches me with such intensity idk

there was this one moment where I forget what I said but he like half smiled and then some guys next to us ask him a question and his face dropped

and for some reason that made me giddy inside a bit

what made me particularly sad was I had anticipated him talking to me during art club bc he did last time i was out in the hallway working

but there were a lot more people in the hall today so he didn’t come over to me

i went over to him at one point but it was more interaction with a group of people that included him rather than 1 on 1

during my 1st block i made fun of the way my bsf bf gives me the stink eye whenever i vaguely refer or interact with CB

i think more out of exasperation with me rather than general concern for CB but idk

there’s also the whole, we’re going to be working on a sermon together with our youth pastor and we’re currently trying to organize a time to discuss the details and the entire time my brain is going “omg this is basically a date wtfffff” when no the fuck it isn’t but idk

i’ve decided tho that i’m not going to anticipate any more reactions

i’m not going to go out of my way to interact with him

if he’s where i am then i’ll interact

but i want him to approach me

mostly so i reassure myself i’m not going insane and completely hallucinating interactions that aren’t there

but idk i just want a sign

a sign i’m not going crazy and i’m not going to get hurt

i probably still will tho

oh what also sucks is that i’m missing my schools homecoming semi formal

i for some reason was under the impression that i would be home in time from a trip to still attend

like i turned in my permission form and everything

but nope

my flight is that night not the night prior

so i’m missing it

this is not CB related bc i can most definitely assure you he would not be there

he’s not really a people person

but i was really looking forward to this event to hang out with friends and get dressed up and the like

but idk my emotions are wack and i haven’t slept well all week so i’m kinda sad and drained and life is just a lot rn

I’m back and with another wee vent/rant ✌🏻😘

Again I don’t think anyone is gonna see this or care but I just need to get this stuff out.

I’m so fed up of just not being good looking, no matter what everyone says I’m still ugly. I genuinely don’t know where people are getting the impression that I’m “good looking”

I ended up going through TikTok tryna find ways to make myself look prettier and I have actually gotten some useful tips but I think it’s all starting to catch up with me now and I’m feeling really down again about it all

A week or so ago in an effort to make myself feel better about myself I got a haircut and cut a food 4 inches off my hair and dyed the underside of my hair dark blue, however the dark blue looks black 95% of the time 😭 I look kinda ridiculous honestly cause my natural hair is a medium to dark brunette, I think I’m gonna leave the dark blue in for another month or so then go to the actual hairdressers and get something done properly. As for my hair length I quite like it cause it makes my curls look more curly cause there’s not so much weight pulling them down

I’m so tempted to like make a separate TikTok or even post here a photo of myself and start asking for tips to make myself look prettier or at least a little better than I normally do, cause there’s no point in asking my friend cause I know she’ll just say that I look fine the way I am or give me some completely useless advice. I also need advice on a like new wardrobe cause mine is shit rn, I kinda have an idea of the style I wanna go for I just don’t really have the money to be going and buying a bunch of clothes rn

From the information I’ve gathered I’ve kinda gotten an idea on how to start making myself look better and it so far includes

-drinking more water. -working out a little (just basic little exercises, mainly to loose weight so I hopefully loose weight in my face) -trying to get better at skincare and get the correct products. -trying not to binge eat as much especially sugary things. -try simple make up I think

If anyone bothered to see or read this then by all means tell me if there’s anything else I could do to make myself look better

Toodlepip losers 😘

the thing is i feel so stupid still going on about it bc … theres no update theres still nothing 😭😭😭

and p much all of my friends have gotten to the point where it’s like ‘he’s stupid !!! his loss !!! fuck him u deserve better ❗️’ like girl i even told one of the teachers who was on the trip that he’s still not replied and she was like ‘maybe it’s time to get over him’ 😭😭 so thats why i dont wanna go back ranting to my friends bc they’ll just be like ‘he wasn’t worth it anyway stop thinking abt him’ 🥲

and i know ‘getting over him’ sounds a bit silly bc there wasn’t much there to get over in the first place but ig i have been ‘getting over him’ in the sense that i’ve been feeling way better this past week than i was before and i’m not thinking abt him as much or checking his insta as much anymore (i still checked if he was in my recent story views tho and 🙃 he wasn’t ofc)

but idk yesterday randomly a wave of … idk what feeling but the FEELS just hit me yesterday and i was like dang :/ do i actually want him to reply or do i just miss being able to talk abt him and theorise about him to my friends 😭

bc at this point idek if i would even want a reply??? like i had to ask myself is it a crush or was it just a holiday fling (if u can even call it that bc barely anything happened 😭)

i can’t even answer that question bc yes i did find him attractive and charming in the few minutes i spoke to him and the maybe,,, six hours i saw him for?? so i barely know him enough to even crush on him but at the same time not just any guy would affect me this much if u get what im saying? like if i didnt have some sort of interest/feelings i wouldn’t be this bothered by it yk?

i just can’t afford to be stressed over a boy when i have exams coming up so if, by some miracle, he did reply… there’s a chance that reply comes during my exam season and idk how i’d even begin to deal with that 🥲 like as of right now it’s not too bad, i can concentrate on college just fine bc there’s nothing from him but if there WAS a response my brain would be absolutely frazzled 🫠

this was a lot longer than i anticipated i am so sorry but ty for letting me get this out 😭🫶🏼

i Literally understand EXACTLY how u feel rn bc i did not get one last chance to shoot my shot at lulu guy bc he wasn’t here today ☹️ and i feel like . when someone shows that they might be a little into you i think it’s normal that we overthink it quite a lot ?? i think you might just wanna get to know him a bit better because like you said nothing rlly happened ,, and maybe ure disappointed that u think that u don’t rlly have a chance to get to know him better ??? (at least that is me with the lulu guy .. and i still don’t know his name LMFAOOOO) but i think it’s normal to want a reply or wanna talk more if someone leaves a rlly strong and lasting impression on you !! and maybe u want a reply cuz u want some sort of closure cuz it all ended sort of abruptly??? i don’t know exactly everything abt it but if i met some guy and we were kinda talking and it all stopped out of the blue i would want some sort of response to tell me to not keep having false hope ?? i think that’s better than being ghosted tbh ,,, like i’ll be sad for a bit but then it’s easier to get over it bc ure not waiting for anything else to happen ?? and if there was a response from him tbh i would make him wait (considering how long he made you wait) but i feel like it’s probably best to not hold out hope (IM SORRY IF THATS UPSETTING) but if he replies then great! and if he doesn’t then that’s okay cuz it’s his loss anyways <3

hola effie🌻 cry baby, black nail polish y flower crown

hola candeeeee <3

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

i actually don’t… i never really know what i want so i never made one lolll. i think my priority rn is graduating uni and that’s it, maybe after that i’ll want to do something else but that’s all i can think of right now

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

i sing to myself all the time i’m surprised the answer is not I Am Singing Right Now! but to be fair i just woke up an hour ago and still haven’t gotten up nor brushed my teeth soooo imma say it was probably last night!

i’m adding a read more thing now cause the next answer was unnecessarily long lol

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

ooo god ok i’ve been to a few by the same artists so i’ll put them all together!! my first concert was one direction in 2014. i don’t really have a lot of memories from it, i just remember that it started raining when i got into the stadium so i looked up to the sky with open arms and the silliest smile on my face, i was so happy and excited to see them!!! i had only been a fan of them for a year and a half so i didn’t have to wait long but it felt like i had been in the fandom forever

that same year i saw r5 which was. very random lol. my friend wanted to go but didn’t have anyone to go with, the tickets weren’t too expensive so i went with her. i saw them twice again after that show. they were always fun! the music was kinda disneyish but i liked it anyway, ross was always an absolute sweetheart so i had a great time everytime!

i saw the vamps twice and those were the most random concerts actually. the first time i saw them was in 2016 and i bought a ticket the day of the show. i didn’t even like them, but my friend’s cousin got sick and gave her her ticket, so my friend told me they were very cheap so i should buy one and go with her so i did. and i really enjoyed it! the second time i saw them tho… i don’t know what changed, but i remember feeling a bit bored? and kinda ignored lol. we had the same seats as the year prior but it was the opposite side. so like, the dude who was closest to us didn’t really. look at us. and i mean we weren’t close at all, it was a good view anyway but he just. didn’t even wave so that was kinda eh. i saw tini tho so that was something!!!

saw fifth harmony twice lmfaooo the first time was. probs the worst show i’ve been to? there was like… no interacting w the crowd at all it all felt v robotic. maybe i’m not used to shows w ppl dancing but idk. camila was the most fun at the show. also i was annoyed cause they changed the venue and i ended up w shit seats lol so maybe that influenced it. also it only lasted an hour and it was v far from my house so that sucked too lol. the second time i had pit and got very close so i liked it more but i think that’s literally the only reason, i don’t think i would have enjoyed it if i had nosebleed seats or something like that rip

i saw niall in 2018! it was a very chill concert and i really liked it!!!! i don’t remember a lot i’ll be honest i just know that i liked it. pit wasn’t that bad cause his music was very chill so i didn’t fight for my life that time!

ok finally 2022. imma start w harry. i saw him in 2018 as well but i’m putting those two together: i had an AMAZING time both times, i really love harry as a performer! my least favorite thing about his shows tho are … the fans … they are just rude and mean for no reason. last week was only bad while we were queuing outside but in 2018 they were SO aggressive while waiting for him to come out AND during the show and that annoyed me but i can’t say anything negative about harry. i had a blast both times and i still can’t believe how lucky i got this year being so close to him lol

trueno <3 my fucking beloved <3 that man has ENERGYYYY. i was so impressed by him and the other dudes performing w him. i loved the atmosphere at the show. i love how political he has become. hating on cops, loving the argies. it was everything i needed and more!

coldplay was also great. you know, i never really paid attention to them and i only went to see them cause my dad likes them and we surprised him w tickets but god, what a show. chris martin? an insane charming motherfucker. i was so happy during that show. love those silly little bracelets. love chris’ love for argentina. loved singing de musica ligera w 70k argies. it was so good. bless him and the band <3

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST!!!! LOUIS!!!! i still can’t believe i got to see my boy twice. i was so nervous the whole time, i wanted everything to go right (aka didn’t want to pass out lol) so thinking about it all the time made me very very anxious and i def think i could have had a better time. i still had a fucking blast tho, i couldn’t believe LOUIS was in front of me like i was actually in shock during the first show. to this day i watch my videos and go . i can’t believe i took this. lol. i can’t wait to see him again sometime next year/2024 <3

aesthetic themed ask list

I was in the SB when this happened, to explain a bit Khione was sharing her idea about a future possible side gig or job, kind of a long story, but everyone knows that the SB has limited writing space and it gets cut off. She only was sharing BECAUSE we (at least 5 users who were fully engaged in the conversation) were expressing interest, after she showed us some of her work which we wanted to learn more about.

Anakin comes and says: "easy on the amount of msgs pls getting a little spammy"

-which would be fine to the normal eye or someone who just logged on, as it was just sb and another mod who was engaged in this chat as well. She didn't seem to have an issue with it, and the sb was still carrying on. I think it was unnecessary for Anakin to even have said anything. Anakin herself has spammed the sb with her band of friends and no one says anything. Why is it okay for her to do it but when Khione is telling an actual story that MULTIPLE people asked her to get more into it's an issue?

Khione responds: "yeah, i realized, mb (assuming this means my bad as in sorry) glad you're here actually - any idea when you'll have the remaining 1.6 bil, or youre paying in increments? kinda low on tu rn x"

Anakin: "soon prob"

-Um.. note to self never give anyone something on credit with no credibility or even the decency to give you a respectful or general time frame. That was kind of disgusting and sad. - User posting

Anakin: also passive aggression is unnecessary lol def something you could've mailed me about ^^

- Khione inquiring about her TU over whatever deal agreed on is being passive aggressive? By the way, I submitted the convo. I'm just writing it in case somehow it doesn't go through, maybe a fault on my end but I'm almost sure I did all the right things. Khione literally said she noticed she was being a bit spammy, said "my bad" which translates directly to apologising. Where is the passive aggression here? I had my eyes corrected I know its not me, and I don't see the passive. aggression.

Khione: I don't see how me asking you a valid question is considered passive aggressive. There is no inflection in writing for the most part, I'm sorry you took it that way though. (KHIONE STOP APOLOGISING YOU SAID NOTHING WRONG!!!) I could've, but I'm mobile and in the sb, so it was a matter of convenience for me. Totally fair answer, Khione.

Anakin: no problem

- So myself and a few other players who discussed this amongst one another. Bit confused here, i was always under the impression the two were very, very close friends. Khione even gifted Anakin's boyfriend an amber wyrae a few days ago citing "you're my friends bf" so whats up with this? I am aware theres alot circling around Khione right now but this treatment and how a "moderator" handled this was out of line. Please do better.

There is always someone out there to replace you never forget that! Be kind, it's free.. also If Dan and Khione were as close as they clearly were and she still got banned/fired, I hope you really don't believe that it can't happen to you. I've read blogs of their friendship and the times I've spoken to Khione she speaks of him like a dear friend. Regarding Dan, we know he cheats and basically runs Res. If she did something wrong, he could've covered it I'm sure he has the means to, but he banned her I believe, or one of the admins. My theory is they just stopped liking her which is pretty sad. If thats the case whats even sadder is she still won't tell us anything, and I'm sure she knows enough to take ALL the corrupt users down. Sigh, no one wins and she gets the shortest straw. Khione if you do read this even though you said your post defending Dan's name (which I'm now raising eyebrows at because maybe he is the cause of this) would be the last one, I really wish you would just air everyone's business out, call me one for drama, or not, this just seems so sudden, and a bit.. strange? I know I'm not the only one thinking this.

Oh, and although this doesn't matter, I'd like to say I am on no side. Khione and I speak respectfully to each other, Anakin has never wronged me. However in this scenario Anakin: 0 Khione:1

request to blog staff: can you guys add anakin and khione to the tags on here? would help a bit.