#I wrote the text for this days ago and am just trusting it's maybe right. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

outeremissary · 3 months

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I saw @arendaes do this days ago and thought it seemed like fun (while I was also procrastinating), but after realizing I only had two portraits on hand I wound up spending more time than I should have putting together a third ^^;; Ash I hope you don't mind me tagging you despite all the time that's gone by!!

B A S I C S Full name: Balthazar Lucienne Gender: man (trans) Sexuality: bisexual Pronouns: he/him

O T H E R Family: Kostas Stefanos (father), ??? (mother) Birthplace: Absalom Job: “traveler,” leader of a country Phobia: being controlled Guilty Pleasures: singing Hobbies: fashion, esoterica, strategy games

M O R A L S Alignment: CE Sins: Pride, Greed, Envy Virtues: Patience, Diligence

T H I S O R T H A T Introvert / Extrovert Organized / Disorganized Close-minded / Open-minded Calm / Anxious / Restless Disagreeable / Agreeable / In between Cautious / Reckless / In between Patient / Impatient / In between Outspoken / Reserved / In between Leader / Follower / Flexible Empathetic / Unempathetic / In between Optimist / Pessimist / Realist Traditional / Modern / In between Hard-working / Lazy

R E L A T I O N S H I P S OTP: Balthazar/Tristian, Balthazar/Vio Acceptable Ships: idk I’m not picky lol OT3: Vio/Balthazar/Tristian Brotp: Balthazar & Jaethal

B A S I C S Full name: Carmen Regis Gender: woman (cis) Sexuality: bisexual Pronouns: she/her

O T H E R Family: mother and father, Aunt Marcela, grandparents (maternal), grandmother (paternal), two other aunts and uncles, about seven cousins Birthplace: Andoran Job: knight errant, Knight Commander Phobia: being lost Guilty Pleasures: tea, a good book Hobbies: n/a

M O R A L S Alignment: LE Sins: Pride, Wrath Virtues: Patience, Diligence, Temperance, Humility (my hand didn’t slip.), secret extra Greyhawk answer is Chastity

R E L A T I O N S H I P S OTP: does toxic yuri count? In that case Carmen/Arueshalae all the way babyyyyy Acceptable Ships: Carmen/Galfrey, Carmen/Daeran OT3: I can't show you an OT3 but I CAN show you my toxic yuri love triangle where everyone loses in the end Carmen/Galfrey/Arueshalae Brotp: Carmen & Greybor, Carmen & Ember (family!!), Carmen & her horse June

B A S I C S Full name: Kasander / Asperia (keeping it simple and just them.) Gender: nonbinary Sexuality: asexual Pronouns: they/them, any

O T H E R Family: Orin (“sister”), Sarevok (half-brother), Bhaal (father), Helena (niece, deceased), Ismene (“half-sister”); Shadowheart (adoptive sister), Jaheira (adoptive mother) Birthplace: Baldur’s Gate Job: assassin/cult leader adventurer? Phobia: Father, home, failure, abandonment Guilty Pleasures: eavesdropping, dockside street food Hobbies: lyre, people watching, theoretical plans

M O R A L S Alignment: CG, CE Sins: Gluttony, Envy, Pride Virtues: Kindness, Humility, Diligence

R E L A T I O N S H I P S OTP: none <3 Acceptable Ships: cult leader breakup (derogatory), Kasander/Wyll OT3: nothing comes to mind <3 Brotp: Kasander & Astarion, Kasander & Shadowheart, Kasander/Asperia & Jaheira

Not tagging anyone on this... if anyone would like to do it feel free to tag me haha

#I wrote the text for this days ago and am just trusting it's maybe right.#and this is the kas/asperia art I'd mentioned that will probably be the last here for a while haha. moving to the side blog.#I was a little too lazy planning that portrait and it does NOT match the style of the other two. whoops #balthazar lucienne #carmen regis #kasander #asperia #tag game #emi plays bg3 #I said I'd tag things as a warning and I shall.

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queenshelby · 4 months

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An Illicit Affair

Part 19: GATHERING EVIDENCE

Pairing: Cillian Murphy (46) x Reader (23)

Warning: Age-Gap, Taboo Relationship, Infidelity

Trying to do the right thing by his mother though who, by now, had managed to manipulate Max into trusting her more than his father, he picked up his phone and texted her.

"I think dad is having an affair again," he wrote, biting his lip nervously after hitting send but Danielle didn't reply immediately.

"I know," she eventually responded before taking a deep breath. It took her some time to fully grasp the gravity of the situation.

For weeks, she had suspected that Cillian was unfaithful, but neither could she prove it yet nor did she know who he was sleeping with.

Just 24 hours ago, Cillian denied her suspicion when she had confronted him, resulting yet in another fallout where Cillian prevented her from hurting herself again. After that, she chose to keep quiet, pretending that everything was just fine while secretly plotting her revenge.

"Do you know who with?" Danielle then texted her son, trying to remain composed despite the anger boiling in her veins.

"No, but whoever she is, she wears the same perfume as Y/N I think," Max replied honestly, placing his phone on the toilet seat.

The bathroom was warm and cozy, but his mind raced, consumed by the turmoil brewing outside.

"It smells like her," he added, feeling unsettled as images of a certain pair of eyes filled his mind. "But maybe I am just imagining it because she was here earlier to check up on him and redress his cut," Max typed, hoping to convince himself and ease his anxiety.

"Why did he not go to the clinic to get it redressed?" Danielle asked, her heart sinking into her stomach as her suspicions grew.

"I think he doesn't want to deal with the hassle of waiting in line at the hospital," Max guessed before finishing up in the bathroom, following which Danielle sat down on the bed at her house, burying her face in her hands.

Surely, her husband would not be cheating on her with their son's ex-girlfriend she thought, not knowing what to believe.

She was paranoid, her thoughts racing wildly as she paced back and forth across the bedroom floor. She knew that accusing Cillian without solid proof again would only push him further away. So, she decided to find evidence instead.

Danielle felt a surge of determination course through her veins as she frantically searched through Cillian's belongings. She rifled through drawers, examined clothing, and even scoured his old phone, desperate for answers.

Then, she pulled out his lap-top, looking at his search and contact history. There was no sign of anything unusual, but she kept searching.

At one point, she saw that he had recently logged on to his old Instagram account which Max had set up for him years ago but which he never really used. He was still logged in and the first person who showed up in his recent searches was you.

Her heart skipped a beat as she stared at your profile picture, frozen in disbelief. Could it be true?

Danielle read through your posts, scrolling past pictures of you hanging out with friends and she thought to think of innocent reasons as to why Cillian would look at your profile.

She scrolled on and, eventually, stumbled upon a post from over a year ago, where you tagged Max in a photo of the two of you together, smiling cheerfully. It was an instant wave of nausea that washed over her as she remembered that time Max had introduced you to her and Cillian. That day, she had thought to herself that you were cute, polite, and smart, but little did she know that you would become her biggest enemy.

Meanwhile in London, Max shared some more dinner with his father Cillian before calling it a day. Being at university again, he had an exam the following day and needed some rest.

Yet it was difficult to sleep with the lingering thoughts of you nagging at the back of his mind.

He was lying in bed, wide awake, when he felt a familiar vibration. He looked at his phone and saw that Danielle had messaged him again.

"Do you still have the key to our apartment that I gave you?" she wanted to know urgently.

"Yeah, why?" Max answered quickly.

"Dad is out in the afternoon, shooting a commercial for Montblanc. Can you let the cable guy in at 2 o'clock?" Danielle asked Max and since his parents only recently purchased the unit, he wasn't really surprised by his mother's request.

"Okay, sure," Max agreed, typing the response on his phone following which Danielle thanked him for the help and wished him luck with his upcoming exams.

"Thanks Mum," he finally wrote back before putting his phone aside, not knowing that what his mother was really going to do.

She was going to have cameras installed in various places around the apartment to catch Cillian in the act.

To be continued...

Tags:

@sunbeamseas @saint-ackerman @oatmealisweird @naxxsstuff @amanda08319 @r-m-cidnah @elysiannook @cillshot @infireddabdab @tastycakee @harrysbestiee @lilybabe22 @adalynlowell @henrywintersdearestgirl @ietss @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @ryiamarie @axionn

@heidimoreton @nela-cutie @futurecorps3 @delishen @nosebleeds-247 @thirteenis-myluckynumber @gills-lounge @hjmalmed @lost-fantasy @tiredkitten @sidechrisporn @smallsoulunknown @charqing-qing @hopefulinlove @aporiasposts @shycrybaby @me-and-your-husband @hjmalmed @lacontroller1991 @galxydefender @aporiasposts

@galxydefender @hunnibearrr @saint-ackerman @lunyyx @gentlemonsterjennie1 @ihavealotoffandomssorry @nadloves @lost-fantasy @nolucesn@mcavoy-girl @hjmalmed @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @blushykiss @tatumrileyslover @teawithsatanx @orijanko @rhaenyra4ever @xcinnamonmalfoyx @budugu @nadloves @kmc1989 @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @forgottenpeakywriter @smailaway @sophiaaguirred

#cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy x you #cillian murphy x y/n #cillian murphy x reader

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lykaonimagines · 2 years

Text

Wall of Text - Stephen Strange x Reader

A few years ago I wrote fics for Loki and Tom (”Oh No” & “Oh Crap”) where the reader accidentally lets them know they’re in love with them via text. So the idea popped into my head to do versions for Main Stephen, Defender, Supreme, and Sinister; because why not? Some will be texts, some maybe not we’ll see.

Paring: Stephen Strange x F!Reader

Word Count: 1,733

Description: Y/N’s unspoken feelings for Stephen are driving her crazy and making it impossibly hard to focus on her Sanctum tasks. She’s got to let it go... but not without telling him. Sending a message when he’s out in the cosmos and unable to receive it has to be the best solution, right?

Other Things: Fluff

Warnings: Some swearing.

Masterlist

“Stephen, you’ll never get this message since you’re out in the cosmos doing who knows what. And you never get your texts when you’re out there… who’d have thought planets on the other end of the solar system have terrible reception for Earth phones? But that’s the point of this message, that you’ll never get it, and I’ll get this out of my system. I love you. I’m totally, wholly, unreservedly, completely and utterly in love with you. With the way you smile, the color of your eyes, your inner and outer strength, the way you make me laugh and make me feel like at least in that moment, I really matter… and that everything will be alright. You’re gentle and soothing and comforting, but cocky and confident and wonderful. Talented and intelligent. My life has been better since the day I met you, and I can’t thank you enough for your kindness and patience and the friendship you’ve given me since then. I wish I could actually tell you all these things. Not just send it in a message I know you’ll never receive. But I don’t want to burden you with it. Having to turn me down and make our friendship awkward when it’s turned into such a beautiful thing. So I’ll settle for this, and work on letting these feeling die down. I love you Stephen Vincent Strange, and I always will.”

Looking down at the wall of text she’d sent him, she sighs heavily and stores the phone away in her pocket to get started on her daily tasks around the Sanctum. While she’d hoped the message would lift all the weight from her shoulders, the fact they hadn’t heard from the sorcerer in question for over a week after he left to fight some mystical threat, was slowly gnawing away at her. Maybe that’s what sparked her to finally send the message.

It was a coward move and she knew it. But at least it’s been said. Maybe she could finally focus on her duties.

After a long day of cleaning the Sanctum and casting the seals on each portal, Y/N finds herself finally making her way to the kitchen. Wong had already told her he’d be in Kamar-Taj for the evening, and just the knowledge that there wasn’t another sorcerer tucked away somewhere reading or performing some other duty made the large building feel lonely. She felt honored Wong trusted her to watch the place in Stephen’s absence, but she could have used the company. Especially tonight.

The longer the day dragged on, the more her confession weighed on her mind. That she was a coward to do it that way. That she was just setting herself up to be alone.

Tossing pasta into the boiling water, she retrieves a jar of sauce then plunks it down on the counter with a heavy sigh.

“I see it’s a fancy dinner night, a jar and everything,” a voice teases, nearly making her jump out of her skin as she falls back into the man behind her.

His arms grasp her quickly before she can fall forward toward the stove, and his chin rests on her shoulder, “S-Stephen! What are you doing here?”

“Am I not supposed to be in my own home…?” he asks with a grin. “The last I checked I was still the master of this Sanctum, unless you were plotting to overthrow me?”

“Never,” she grumbles and silently lets herself enjoy being in his arms. “Of course you should be here, we just haven’t heard from you in a week and I just assumed you’d still be gone awhile.”

“I finished up with everything, dropped by the Avenger compound to give them an update, then made my way home. I thought you’d be glad to see me?” he asks gently, her cheeks burning.

“Of course, I’m always happy when you’re here,” she mumbles out.

Reaching forward to turn off the stove, Stephen spins Y/N in his arms before she can protest, “I want to discuss something with you, dinner can wait.”

“Did I do something wrong?” she asks tilting her head. “I’m sure I got all the seals, cleaned everything on the chart for this week, and handled the apprentices that visited.”

“No, nothing like that,” he says, taking her arm and leading her out of the kitchen and into the sitting room. Prompting her to sit next to him on the couch, he reaches into his pocket to retrieve his phone and taps around on the screen.

“Stephen?”

“I’d just like to discuss this,” he states, slipping the device into her hand.

Giving him a confused look, she glances down to see the message she sent this morning staring back at her.

Shit.

Her grip on his phone tightens, hands shaking as she frantically tries to come up with an excuse to talk away all she said. But she hadn’t left much room for doubt in that wall of text. Her mouth opens and closes several times before shoving the phone back in his hand, hanging her head in shame.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry, why?”

“You weren’t supposed to get that, you usually don’t get messages we send when you’re that far away, and I just-”

Before she can continue he puts a hand on her knee, distracting her train of thought. “I was at the Avengers compound when it came through.”

“D-did someone else see it?” she asks, somehow now more mortified than before. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“Only I’ve seen it.”

“Ok… do I need to go back to Kamar-Taj?” she asks quietly, clasping her hands together.

After a moment of silence, his hand goes to her chin to lift her face to look at him, “Why would you go back to Kamar-Taj?”

“I- for being inappropriate? Making things awkward? Maybe it’s harassment? I wasn’t given sorcery workplace harassment training I don’t know,” she rambles as she stares past him at a relic on the wall.

“Y/N, look at me,” he says softly, her eyes finally meeting his own. “There’s my girl,” he smiles as she feels her cheeks warm.

“Do you mean what you said? Those are your real feelings?” he asks, his thumb running along her jaw.

Not trusting herself to respond, she opts for nodding stiffly in his hold on her chin.

A slow smile spreads over his face, and his lips capture hers.

Her body seems to freeze for a moment, breath caught in her throat and all limbs frozen in place, until his warm lips move eagerly against her own and hers answer with a similar eagerness.

His free arm wraps around her and pulls her into his lap, her hands grabbing ahold of the couch on either side of his head.

Breaking the kiss to take a breath, she looks back down at his face inches below her own, a lazy smile spreading across his lips, “Hey there.”

She laughs suddenly and shakes her head, “Hey to yourself.”

“If it wasn’t obvious, I feel the same,” he admits as he places his hands on her hips. “I know you didn’t mean to tell me, but I’m relived you did. I’ve spent months trying to figure out how to bring it up to you. Then you text me out of the blue everything I wanted to say to you. Almost thought I had hit my head during the last battle and was seeing things.”

“I was just trying to get it off my chest, be able to say I said it,” she says as she brings her hands down to his shoulders. “Felt like I was going to explode if I didn’t say it soon, but I didn’t want to ruin what we’ve had if you didn’t feel the same. Which I assumed was a given that you didn’t.”

“And here I thought I was leaving subtle hints of how I felt.”

“By subtle, do you mean invisible?”

“I’ve not tried to date anyone since med school,” he grumbles and lightly smacks her butt causing her to jump in surprise. “And I’ve never told anyone I loved them in that way.”

“You still haven’t,” she comments after a moment. “All you said was you feel the same as what I said in my text so technically…”

Sliding his hand slowly up her body until it reaches her neck, he carefully pulls her face down to his own, “I love you Y/N. And what was it you said? I’m completely and utterly in love with you.”

“Stealing my own words to profess love to me Stephen?” she teases as she strokes his cheek.

“I think you stole all the words for that one message sweetheart, and frankly I can’t come up with better ones when you’re sitting in my lap looking at me like that.”

“Looking at you like what?”

“You look at me like… like I’m important to you. Like you’re happy I’m here. Like right here is where you want to be,” his expression softens as he looks at her.

“Well all of those are true.”

“Not that many people are happy to see me honestly, or to be around me that much,” he admits, his thumb rubbing against her neck. “Not in a very long time. Yet you always do. No matter how shit my day has been, I come back here and you just smile at me like that. And it feels like everything’s going to be alright.”

Taking his hand in hers, she lifts it to her lips and leaves a kiss on each knuckle. Her lips pause as the sound of his stomach growling comes from between them and she laughs, pulling a sheepish look from him, “How about we finish that dinner then talk about this further?”

“Sounds like a plan,” he nods and helps her off his lap.

She takes a few steps away from him and spins excitedly, her eyes shining from the lights beside her as she glances at him once more with the biggest smile he’s ever seen on her.

“Someone looks happy?”

“I am, might just be the best day of my life actually.”

“Only might be?” He questions as he slides in closer to her and grabs her hands. “Well we’ll have to find a way to make sure it’s by far the best.”

----

Stephen Taglist (Main Stephen Edition): @stephenstrangeaddictions @ironstrange1991 @gaitwae @geeky-politics-46 @elicheel @frostandflamesfanfic @tokoyamisstuff @singhfae @jotaros-bara-tiddies @kon-pan-16 @stanny-uwu @ohchoices @sparky22122 @typical-bistander @hunterofshadows04 @evelynrosestuff @asgardianprincess1050 @pop-rocks-and-skittles @namethathasnotbeentaken @peachywoong @valeriegreyy @floralover1 @cumberbitch @lightmeuplivly @lucimorningst4r @bluebear142077 @strangeobsessed @bymoonlightfics @strangeions @sherlux @qhbr2013 @lovingly-unlovingme @thelaststraw3 @Benedictcumberbitch @vereon @veryladyqueen @ultrasilentwhispers @cemak

There’s a link to a Google form to fill out if you’d like to be tagged, on my pinned Channel Navigation post and on my Masterlist! Makes sure I don’t miss your comment, and lets you opt out of certain things if you’d like :)

If I’ve tagged you in something you didn’t want to be tagged in (certain variant, a warning you aren’t comfortable with, etc) just message me and I’ll make a note on my sheet to make sure you aren’t tagged in anything like that again.

#doctor strange #Doctor Stephen Strange #doctor strange imagine #doctor strange x you #doctor strange x reader #Stephen Strange #stephen strange x reader #stephen strange x you #stephen strange imagine #marvel #fanfiction

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alessiathepirate · 16 days

Text

Duskwood

PAST 2 A.M.: Richy Roger x fem!reader

Summary: "Can you please talk to me til I fall asleep? I don't want to be like, alone alone you know."

Notes: English isn't my first language. I apologize for any mistake I may have made while I wrote this short story.

So... Moonvale didn't really catch me - not like Duskwood did the very first time I played it. I decided to replay Duskwood once again and thought: why not give the characters some appreciation on Tumblr as well?

I hope you'll enjoy it :)

Warnings: SPOILERS! (please finish the game before reading), swearing

•••

Hey!

I can see that you're awake too.

Richy looked at the screen of his phone and frowned. Of course he was awake! All those things about the Man Without a Face were keeping him up at night, not being able to fall asleep.

His mind was going and going, the cogs in his brain turning.

But what could she want? It was late, way past 2 a.m.. At the very least she should be asleep.

Haha, you got me!

I can't really fall asleep now.

Yeah. I get it.

There's just too much on my mind right now.

Well, it wasn't surprising.

She was pulled into this mess and until a few days ago she had no idea whatsoever who they were. She was also empathetic - he liked that about her a lot. And because of that she felt useless - she was far away, unable to help.

You and me both.

But are you okay?

Dumb question, but still... he wanted to know.

He liked her. Liked her a lot.

And although it was absolutely neccessary to mess with her too, to try and keep her away, he sometimes - everytime - felt bad about doing so.

I don't know. Maybe?

Not really?

I'm worried about Jessy.

Richy swallowed, glad that they were only texting. Otherwise he would've been caught red handed.

He had to do that too. But it wasn't anything serious. He didn't want to hurt Jessy. He made sure she was okay.

I know. I am worried too. But Jessy's strong. She'll pull herself through this.

And then we can all go and kick that Man's ass.

Richy chuckled. A hint of nervousness was in his voice.

Well said.

So...

So what?

You sure you're not in love with her?

With Jessy I mean.

Richy grinned, blush painting his cheeks red.

No, of course not.

Jessy was a great friend and a nice girl, although sometimes a way too distracted employee, but still-- she was just a friend.

The question made him smile, suddenly all his worries forgotten. It was cute - the uncertainity.

Sometimes he wondered if she had someone else too.

Umm...

Yeah. I'm pretty sure.

Like very sure.

Alright then.

So...

What about you?

What about me?

Are you in love? With anyone I mean.

Richy looked at the three dots and small pencil in the left corner. He'll know. He'll know the answer soon.

No. I'm not.

Single life's great, isn't it?

Richy laughed.

Yeah it is.

Her being free of any romantic emotion for anyone gave him hope. Maybe... Maybe if he cleans this mess up, he'll have a chance.

So... I kinda wanted to ask for a favor.

Richy raised one of his eyebrows.

A favor? Past 2 a.m.? What kind?

Sure. What can I do for you?

Can I call you?

Richy felt his heartbeat quicken, his pulse jumping up and down.

Call him?

Is everything okay?

Yeah, I just...

Can you please talk to me til I fall asleep?

I don't want to be like, alone alone you know.

Richy looked at the screen in disbelief.

She trusted him that much. She liked him that much.

For a while he didn't know what to type.

Are you still here?

Shit...

Yes. Sorry I'm here. I just don't even know what to say...

Why me?

The three dots with the pencil appeared again - then disappeared. It happened once again, and then her answer finally appeared on the screen.

I like you.

I mean a lot.

It's okay if you don't want to I just don't want to be completely alone right now.

Texting is just fine too.

The messages had appeared quickly, one after the other. She must've been nervous. It wouldn't have been surprising - this call would be more... personal. More of a personal need than anything else.

Instead of answering, Richy simply just called her.

And she picked up - after swallowing down a tiny heart attack.

"Hi..." she whispered, her voice hoarse and tired.

It must've sounded hoarse. She knew she cried a lot after what had happened to Jessy, and she haven't really found her voice since then.

"Hi." Richy didn't sound nervous or stressed at all - tired, maybe. Tired a whole lot. "Is everything okay?"

"Better now." she smiled although she knew he couldn't see it. "I just needed someone to get my mind off things."

"I'm happy to help." she could hear the smile in his voice.

"Thank you, Richy. Really..." she pulled the covers up, hiding her whole body from the cold room. Even though the room was still dark and cold, it wasn't that lonely anymore.

"No problem." silence wanted to settle in, but Richy stopped it just in time. "So... this club of ours isn't too fun when we can't sleep at night, huh?"

She chuckled. She hoped he heard it.

"No, definitely not. But at the very least we are in the same boat."

"Well said."

She closed her eyes for a second, then opened them again. The world seemed to finally slow down, her mind got quieter - she felt the sleepiness in her eyes.

"Tell me something. Something fun. Like when you told me about the dare-house." she asked and then got quiet as she waited for an answer.

"Well, there was this one time when Dan got a job at the florist'..." Richy began and she let out a chuckle.

"Jessy already mentioned this one." she confessed.

"Did she tell you what we did after we found out?" he asked.

She could clearly hear that he was surpressing a laugh.

"Not really..."

"We decided to order this very big bouquet, full of roses and everything. We made him write 'To my bestest friends' with a heart on it. He didn't know we were the ones who ordered it of course, so when all of us turned up there for it he was really surprised."

She giggled.

"Poor guy. Was he mad?"

"Upset is a better word for it." he laughed too.

"Upset?"

"Well he might've thrown us out of there..."

She turned to rest on her back as she giggled, imagining the whole scene play out. All of them standing there - the whole group including Hannah too...

Hannah.

They have to find Hannah. They have to make the culprit pay. Especially after what he did to Jessy.

Richy was suddenly saying her name. He must've noticed how quiet she became.

"Sorry, I just... got distracted."

"The bad kind?"

She sighed.

How does he always know?

"The bad kind." she explained. "Just... take care of yourselves, okay? Especially you and Jessy, now that she was attacked and you were marked."

"We'll look out for ourselves, don't worry."

His voice was strange. She could hear something in it. Something what wasn't like him at all. There was no joy in it, no joke in it. It was completely serious - the very bad kind of serious.

But before she had a chance to question it, Richy spoke up again.

"But you have to look out for yourself too. Jessy would want that, wouldn't she?"

Damn, he knew how to get her to do what was good for everyone.

"She'd want me to have a good night's sleep." she agreed. "But she'd want the same for you as well."

It was quiet for a while again.

Then ignoring the serious topics they began to talk about, Richy continued to talk about different things that had happened to them, long before Hannah disappeared.

He told her how Cleo messed up her pyramid cake once so almost everyone in the group got food poisoning... How Richy accidentally scratched a client's car... How Hannah once poured a whole bottle of beer onto someone at the Aurora... How Thomas once got so drunk that he forgot Hannah was his girlfriend and started to cry when she told him she wasn't single... Or how Jessy once made them have a horror movie marathon, even though Lilly wasn't the biggest fan of it.

She sometimes laughed or smiled.

And after a while she got too tired to answer.

Some time ago her eyes closed and she fell asleep, completely oblivious to the fact that Richy finished his last story and chose to not say anything else. He continued to listen to her breathing, waiting patiently.

Then after some time, after he was sure she was asleep - that she won't wake up anytime soon, he said:

"I'm so sorry, MC. But I have to finish this now."

His voice was full of guilt.

He felt guilty.

He felt every ounce of hope disappear.

He won't have a chance to make everything better.

Then the call ended...

#richy girlies assemble #duskwood x reader #duskwood #duskwood x mc #duskwood richy #duskwood richy x reader #richy x reader #richy roger x reader #duskwood jessy #duskwood cleo #duskwood hannah #duskwood lilly #duskwood thomas #duskwood dan #duskwood fandom #duskwood fanfic

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supernoonanyc · 1 year

Text

Go & Come Back - KSJ

Jin & G/N y/n

Genre: Angst (maybe)

WC: 845

a/n: so I wrote this on a whim while fully in my feelings about Jin's enlistment. Enjoy. Let me know what you think, I love constructive criticism.

°°°°°°°

The silence was comfortable as the couple sat next to each other, scenery whizzing by. A hand was grasped, thumb gently rubbing against knuckles.

“You have the code to my apartment right?” he asked.

You nodded, “Yes, I have it. As a post-it note on my fridge, as an email and text message and in my notes. Trust me babe, I’m not losing it.”

“And you can stay there, I told my mom and the building board that I am allowing you to for the time being.”

“I know and I told you that I’m gonna stay at my place. Your apartment is too big for just me. But I will go to steal some shirts and maybe a pillow.”

He blew a deep sigh out, “I’m sorry, I know I'm being annoying.”

You caressed his cheek, fingertips gently rubbing against the short soft hair at his temples.

“You aren't being annoying. Far from it. I know it's a lot, but we’ll get through this. 5 months will fly by and then you can go back to sending me annoying jokes and memes. Make sure to call your mom, I know she’s worrying herself.”

“You’ll check in on her? I know my dad is there but--”

“Don’t worry, she and I are spending the day tomorrow. Plus she says with you gone we have more time to plan.”

He looked down at their entwined hands, the matching couple bands shining in the light. He gently rotated your band with his thumb, exposing the modest stone in the middle.

“When I come back, I’m going to give you the most obnoxious ring. Let everyone know that I claimed you.”

You rolled your eyes, “Stop it, you silly man. Just go and come back, that's all I want.”

The entry to the base came into view, brick and imposing. The clasped hands grew tighter. Sniffles were quietly heard, unable to be stifled in the quiet backseat.

“Love, are you crying?” he asked worriedly, his eyes searching your face. Glassy eyes met his and you nodded.

“Yes but it’s okay. I’m just going to miss you. But I know the time will go fast and then we have all the time in the world.”

His warm hands cupped your face, taking in the features that literally stopped him short in the hospital almost a year ago.

“Don't fall in love with any hot shot doctors okay?”

You chuckled, “Babe I am the hotshot doctor. It's because of me that you still have a finger.”

Always one to follow his impulsive nature (It was how he got your phone number, asking you out of the blue while you had a needle in your hand), he pressed his lips to yours. Noses bumping gently before your mouths slotted together perfectly. Your eyes slid shut, taking in his cologne and the slight mint of his toothpaste. A tentative knock sounded against the window, signaling the end to your privacy. Around you can see 6 other cars parking.

“It’s time,” he whispered.

You just nodded. Jin tapped the window back, angling his body towards you. He pulled his ring off and pressed it into your hand. Your fingers wrapped around the warm and slightly misshapen ring.

“What are you doing?”

“Hold this for me, I don't want to lose it. I love you so much.” He said breathlessly, as though he was fighting the urge to cry.

“I love you too, go say bye to your bros.”

He pressed one last kiss and quickly exited, shutting the door behind you.

The quiet was too much, all the emotions raised up and this time you didn't have to stay strong. You wrapped your arms around yourself, his ring hooked onto your pointer finger. You wanted to be out there, delaying the goodbye as long as possible. But you knew when you started seeing him that this was just a way of life. Closing your eyes, you leaned against the back of the front seat. When you get home, a glass of wine and a long bath are needed.

Unknown time passed in the car, at one point you could hear the 7 of them joking around and taking photos. Finally, you heard the announcement that all enlistees are to go to the field for line up.

That's it, he was in.

The car door opening makes your head shoot up. A figure in all black with a bucket hat sat down next to you and you resumed leaning your head against the seat.

“Wrong car, Jungkook.” you muttered.

“Can I sit with you Noona/Hyung?"

You started a little at the title. Jungkook was shy and took a little time to warm up to you. He asked if it was okay to use the title over a week ago and it still felt odd.

“Sure.”

The two of you sat in silence, until it was your turn to hear sniffles.

“Jungkook? Are you okay?”

“I’m just going to miss him, who else am I going to annoy at 3am?”

“You’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah”

#bts scenarios #bts fic #jin fluff #jin one shot #jin x reader #bts jin #supernoonanyc

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carladuquette · 11 months

Text

happy speak now tv day! a couple of years ago i wrote a little something based on speak now (the song) and it turned into a whole taylor x elite series. next chapter - no body no crime - coming when i my wrists/arms will let me type without pain again.

ANYWAY, Speak Now - Carla/Samuel

Carla pulled at the hem of her dress, then took another sip from the small champagne bottle Lu had pressed into her hand as soon as she had gotten into Carla's car.

"I'm really not sure this is a good idea," she said one more time. "Maybe we should go home."

"Carla." Lu took her hand and waited until Carla looked at her. "We've talked about this. We're going. You need this. It'll give you… closure or something? Anyway, you can't let that little hairdresser tell you what to do. And we look way too hot to turn back now, ok? Trust me, it'll be fine."

Carla smiled briefly. Whenever Lu said that, there was at least a 50 percent chance whatever they were up to would end in disaster. Hopefully today would be different.

She braced herself and took a deep breath in the back of the car. It wasn't like she was heading to her own execution. Weddings were a happy occasion. A couple expressing their undying love for each love. Two families united as one. A never-ending flow of alcohol from the open bar. Only that she and Lu would never get to the part with the alcohol. They wouldn't go to the reception because neither of them had actually been invited to the wedding they were about to attend.

Well. Technically…

It seems that I was uninvited by your lovely bride-to-be

Samuel had been dating Maria when Carla had returned from London and she'd been determined to be happy for him. They had gone on a few double dates, always with a different guy by Carla's side (and a girl once, Carla had learned some things about herself in college), but eventually they'd stopped.

Samuel had canceled a dinner first, then Carla had feigned a headache and bowed out of a movie she and Sergio (or was it Raul?) were supposed to go see with Samuel and Maria. When Carla had texted Samuel a few days later with the suggestion for another date, he'd said it was a bad time, that he was studying for the final exams for his Bachelor's and Maria was busy at work.

The mean part of Carla had wanted to reply asking what exactly Maria was so busy with at the salon, but she'd just texted him a "Sure, let me know when you come up for air." He never had.

Carla hadn't minded. In fact, she'd been grateful. Going out with him and Maria had been more painful than she had been willing to admit to herself.

They'd seen each other one more time after that, at Guzman's birthday. Maria hadn't been there - "She's visiting her mom on Lanzarote," Samuel had explained - and it had been the best night Carla had had since returning to Madrid. She and Samuel had been inseparable all night. They had talked for hours. His jokes had still been stupid, his dance moves had still made him look like he was having a seizure and Carla still hadn't cared one bit. The way he'd looked at her… No one had looked at her like that in years. Carla had felt like she was right back in high school.

It had happened when Guzman had finally kicked the last guests out at 3:30 am. They had awkwardly hugged goodbye in front of Guzman's apartment building. And then they had kissed.

For the first time Carla had felt like she was actually home again. Then she'd opened her eyes and had seen the guilt written all over Samuel's face.

"I'm sorry," she had rushed to say.

"Carla…"

"No no, don't worry about it. We're both drunk, this didn't mean anything." As if it could ever not mean anything with him. "You're fine. Go home. We'll just forget this ever happened."

A few months later she'd been out for drinks with Guzman, Ander and Lu. Guzman hadn't been able to look her in the eye all night, until Lu had kicked her ex's leg under the table and exasperatedly said "Will you just tell her already?"

Samuel, as it turned out, had apparently done exactly as she had suggested, forgotten all about their kiss and proposed to his girlfriend. By the end of that night, Lu had had to hold Carla's hair back as she threw up in the bar's bathroom.

The invite had been in the mail a few weeks later. "A July wedding, it'll be way too hot," Carla had thought idly as her legs had given out. She had fully planned to attend, with a plus one, of course. But before she'd been able to send her RSVP back, Maria had shown up at her office on a Thursday. It had been raining and Carla had just gotten dropped back off at the winery after a business lunch with a buyer from Italy when she'd seen Maria in the lobby. (She still remembered every single detail of that day down to the color of her shoes - bordeaux - and the overly sweet smell of Maria's vanilla-scented perfume.) Samuel's fiancée had made it very clear that she did not want Carla to show her face at the wedding.

I sneak in and see your friends And her snotty little family all dressed in pastel

They had actually sneaked into the church where her high school boyfriend was about to get married like it was Teatro Barcelo and she and Lu were 15. Carla took a moment to appreciate the absurdity of her life before she looked around. People were still arriving, so there was enough of a hustle and bustle that the two of them didn't attract attention standing off to the side next to a large shelf holding fliers about the church's membership drive, its Thursday night soup kitchen and the Alcoholics Anonymous group that hosted its meetings in the building's basement. The snob in Carla was appalled that no one had bothered to remove the shelf, or at least the fliers, before the wedding. Stop judging, she reminded herself. You shouldn't even be here.

Lu had no such qualms. "That has to be Maria's mother up there, right?" She scoffed. "Who wears mint green to a wedding? Honestly, that whole outfit is a disaster. I am itching just looking at the fabric from here. What is that, polyester?"

Carla nodded absentmindedly, looking for faces she'd recognize. Her heart skipped a beat when she spotted Nano already standing up front next to the altar, looking uncomfortable in an ill-fitting suit. "Look." She tugged on Lu's arm. "Samu must be so happy to have his brother here. I bet Nano is his best man."

"Yeah, he is." Lu chuckled. "Guzman was pretty hurt he didn't get the job. Oh my God, is that-"

Both of their mouths were hanging open as they watched a tall brunette walk past them at a distance, quietly cursing and pulling at the ruffles covering her torso. "Wow," was all Carla managed. She couldn't drag her eyes away from Rebeka in a pink tulle atrocity that she realized had to be a bridesmaid dress.

"She and Samuel must still be really good friends for her to be wearing that." Lu was laughing so hard she had to lean on the shelf and Carla shushed her. When she had calmed down she turned to Carla.

"So, I hang back here while you go find Samuel? I can text Guzman about where the room is that the guys-

"Are you insane?" Carla took a step closer to Lu so their faces were almost touching. "I am not going to talk to him! That is not why we came here!"

She was about to elaborate when a familiar voice made her freeze. "Nano!" Pilar shouted as she entered the church, cellphone in hand. "Did you tell the DJ it was next weekend?!"

Carla roughly grabbed Lu's elbow and dragged her along as she hurried behind the shelf and ducked.

Lu stared at her. "What the-"

"Sssshhh!" Carla covered Lu's mouth with her hand. Only when Pilar was far enough away they couldn't hear her shouting anymore did she remove it. "She can't see us, she'd immediately tell Samu I'm here."

The gentleness in Lu's eyes was a rare sight. "Carla, what are you doing?" she asked softly.

"Samu and I just missed our moment." Carla shrugged. She knew her hard work to look nonchalant was in vain, but that didn't mean she'd give up. "He's getting married, there's nothing I can do about it."

"Bullshit! Have you not seen a single romcom ever? Damn it, you are so clearly still in lo-"

"Shut up!" Carla could feel her face heat up. "You wanted us to come here, you dragged me to this even though I told you in no uncertain terms I did not want to go and I still very much don't want to be here! But you don't care because you thought this could be some fun little anecdote for you to tell down the road, right? 'How I crashed a working-class wedding.'"

"That's not true and I hope you know that," Lu said quietly.

Seeing hurt flash across her best friend's face and knowing she had caused it still came with the exact same mix of surprise and regret it did in high school. "I'm sorry," Carla said immediately. "No, of course I do. It's all of this, being here... It has me on edge. But you're right, it'll be good for closure. Let's just find seats in the back and get through it, ok?"

Lu smiled half-heartedly and hugged her. "If that's what you really want."

Horrified looks from everyone in the room But I'm only looking at you

The ceremony passed in a haze. Lu covered a laugh with a cough as Rebeka walked down the aisle, other than that the two of them were silent. Carla kept staring at Samuel, trying to decipher whether he looked happy, but they were too far back for her to really read his face. When Maria floated down the aisle like a pageant queen, Carla grabbed Lu's hand without taking her eyes off the bride. She was squeezing so hard that she thought she could hear their bones crack - she'd definitely have to buy Lu a drink or five once this was over. Once this was over… when Samuel would be married. Carla closed her eyes.

After what felt like hours, when the sickeningly adorable story of how Samuel and Maria had met had been told and a friend of Maria's had sung some 90s love song off-key, the pastor cleared his throat and declared: "Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace."

"Carla." When she didn't react right away, Lu pulled away her hand and pinched her arm hard enough to hurt. "Carla! This is your last chance! If you don't do something now-"

It was a physical reflex. That was the only possible explanation, because Carla certainly didn't want to get up, but there she was, on her feet, hands shaking.

"Uhm." She cleared her throat. The effect would have been comical had she not been this terrified: Every last person in the church turned to look at her. And they clearly weren't happy. Carla took a deep breath and focused on Samuel, who hadn't moved a single muscle and was staring at her slack-jawed.

"I… I don't usually do this sort of thing-" Here she could see Rebeka laugh, the only one in the bridesmaids line-up who didn't look horrified. "But I wanted…" What exactly was it that she wanted? What was the plan here? Carla was ready to just sit down again (or, even better, have the ground open up and swallow her whole), when she felt Lu squeeze her hand. Fuck it.

"I didn't want to miss my moment. Not again. Samu, we've done that enough times. I'm sorry I didn't say this earlier, right when I got back from London or even before that, but I love you. I love you." Carla was having an out-of-body experience, but she was still pretty sure the smile slowly spreading across Samuel's face wasn't a hallucination.

"So… You shouldn't be marrying the wrong girl, I guess is what I'm saying."

A collective gasp traveled through the pews. Maria threw her bouquet to the ground and looked like she was ready to tackle Carla, but Rebeka had taken a step forward and grabbed her by the arm. Carla felt like she was floating, like she had drunk an entire bottle of champagne too quickly. Nothing could touch her. She actually giggled. "I'll be going, but if you're not going to be saying any vows, come find me outside."

She turned around and made her way out of the pew. Lu was right behind her. Once they were outside, the enormity of her actions hit her in the face. "Oh my god." Carla had to sit down on the church's front stoop because the world was spinning. She had apparently forgotten how to breathe right and struggled for tiny gulps of air. "What did I do? What just happened? I never should have come! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my-"

"Hey!" Lu was kneeling in front of her, grabbing her face with both hands. "You were fucking fantastic. That was the bravest thing I have ever seen, really, Carla."

"She's right, you know?"

Carla's heart stopped. She didn't dare turn around, so when Lu got up with a wide grin on her face, Carla just kept staring straight ahead. A pair of tux-clad legs appeared in her field of vision. Carla's mouth opened without any contribution from her brain. "You can't wear sneakers with a tuxedo," she said, her voice hoarse.

Samuel's laugh rang in her ears. When she finally looked up at him, his dark eyes were serious.

"Did you really mean what you said in there?"

For the first time Carla allowed the hope that she had pushed down to unfold. She got up and grabbed Samuel's hands. "I just got up in front of all your friends and family and ruined your wedding. Of course I fucking meant it. Every word."

Before she could ask how he felt, Samuel pulled her close and pressed his lips to hers. Carla moaned into the kiss and only broke away when Lu cleared her throat.

"You're welcome, bitch."

Carla practically ran the few short steps towards Lu and all but jumped into her arms. "Thank you," she whispered in her ear. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." Her cheeks were wet when she pulled away.

"Any time." Lu wiped away a tear, too. "But can we get going now? I don't want to be here when the angry mob gets out."

They started walking towards their car, but Carla could feel Samuel tug at her hand. "Yeah?" She smiled at him.

"I'm really glad you came."

#speak now #speak now tv #taylor swift #carla x samuel #carmuel #lu x carla friendship #carla roson #samuel garcia #lucrecia montesinos #elite x taylor swift #fanfiction

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pluralismajestatis · 2 years

Text

Stuff and things. We haven't been writing in a bit, and I don't know if it's because brain empty no thoughts or because we've been busy otherwise or what, but there's a whole backlog of shit that's tiring and depressing and it's kind of hitting T hard. He seems to be the guy who's hoarding all of the mental illness we had before our DID diagnosis, and I think it's unfair to leave him to deal with it, blaming himself for what's going on with him. He's not bringing us down, we're placing all of the weight of everything the rest of us are blissfully unbothered by on him. And it's a long list, so let's start with something.

First - that fucking Canadian law. Never had a decision made on the literal other end of the globe hit us so hard and make us feel so hopeless on sight. We first heard of it some months ago on Reddit, which is the shittiest place on earth to be first hearing about anything on, mainly because its userbase consists of unrepenting voluntary sociopaths. (Something's climbing the cabin's wall. Sounds like a magpie but might be a squirrel. We're holed away someplace a stone's throw away from the Russian border in the arctic circle. It's atmospheric. Coincidentally also where T first became aware of being here, since I was talking about him earlier. None of this has anything to do with the euthanasia law, but suddenly hearing something scraping against your hut's outside wall is like, okay, cool, WHAT IS THAT?)

So yeah, Reddit. Knee-jerk reaction. Wrote in disbelief; this is unethical. This is not right. Suicidal ideation is such a common symptom in mental illness it's literally right there in most of the diagnostic manual entries. Literally right there, and now you're saying that instead of treating the people who experience common symptoms of mental illness, you're just going to kill them instead? How is that not eugenics? How is that not genocide? (It is.)

Got hit by a wave of forementioned Reddit cynicists. "You're the real monster," we're told. "You're denying people their right to end their suffering."

Brother - and I use this word with the utmost disrespect in my tone - I am these people. You might perceive that from just the way I mostly referred to myself as "we" in the text so far, but let me specify: we have been suffering of treatment-resistant, delibilitating, excruciating severe mental illness since we were children. We were neurodivergent before puberty and that was difficult enough, but by the time we started school, our father had turned into a violent monster who took his anger out on us, a child of 7 years old, while unemployed and our mother worked 8 to 4 every day. Sometimes she was out on business trips that took a week or maybe even two. She'd ask for her friends to babysit us, and they'd ask her why not just trust our father? She told them he had violent rages, they told her they couldn't believe that about such a nice guy, but because they were her friends, they'd do what she needed of them. Nobody ever believed us.

There's more than that, obviously. Not the point of this story. When we turned 11, our homeroom teacher responsible for most of our classes and all education outside of subject classes, had to take leave due to breast cancer. She was replaced by the meanest, most hateful bitch I've ever met. She targeted us because we weren't normal and she could smell it from miles away. By the second half of the semester, we would sit in our dark closet crying and wanting to die. We stopped doing our homework, and once that routine was gone, we could never pick it up again. By 12 years old, though she was gone by then, replaced by a creepy old guy who liked massaging the shoulders of girls while rocking into their desks with his hips and would make "checks" of the girls' showers after gym, we no longer could attend half of the semester at all. That period of unattending became longer and longer with each passing year, to the point where we'd go to school after summer vacation for about one month, and then drop out again.

We got placed in a group home, severing the last remaining friendships and connections we had at home, and leaving us in the middle of people with genuine behavioural issues and frequent clashes with the law, while our only problem was that we were desperate and could not keep up with routine.

We never did get better. A year after that ended, we entered voluntary hospitalisation for two months. The staff proceeded to ignore us, we were never even given our permission slip to exit the ward even though at the point where we were doing so poorly we demanded to cut the stay short, they wanted to act like it had been known all of the time that we didn't have to stay indoors under supervision. Guess what? Our name was not on the permission slip. Our mother made them check. The head psychiatrist of the ward was another insane control freak, I don't want to talk about her. Her deal was humiliation and arrogance, and her parting words to us "I'll see you back in a couple weeks when you're carried back here in an ambulance wearing a straitjacket." (She did not, in fact, see us back ever again.)

We moved out from home at 18, because living with our mother was impossible. She's never understood what mental illness means and cannot stand our neurodivergency. For just short of ten years from there, we were outpatients living on partial everyday assistance; we had an attendee from the social services who'd help us buy groceries, attend our appointments, and occasionally clean up the house though most the time we were too depressed to move a muscle if we didn't have to.

In 2016, we had a psychotic episode that didn't just go away like the prior ones had. I don't actually have much memories from any of our twenties, but they were miserable; we were either constantly in a permanent state of existential fear of our own impending death, or trying to hurry it along through suicidal fits and overdoses and self-harm. We were (mis)diagnosed with BPD around 27, after similar misdiagnoses of bipolar disorder earlier. The gist was that nobody knew what to do with us, and nobody was actually invested enough to figure it out. Our psychiatric contacts - doctors, nurses - dropped us on a yearly basis. The period of establishing trust got longer and longer each time, to the point where when they'd leave, we hadn't started to feel comfortable working with them yet. Constant abandonment, constant giving up, constant "you can't be helped." The years between our 25 and 29 were more or less spent trying to get a consensus on whether insurance would cover "real" talk therapy for us or not; every time one person told us to apply for it, the next person would tell us it was pointless because we were too ill to be approved, and would have to cover the whole cost ourselves, which obviously living on disability payments was not physically possible.

This all ended at the bend of 29 to 30, when we coincidentally met someone we for the first time told about our dissociative symptoms. They urged us to look into it more, which we did, and it immediately became glaringly obvious that the symptoms we'd obsessively protected and never uttered a word about in fear of some catastrophe or divine punishment raining down on us were actually clinically so significant that we needed help not yesterday, but decades ago. As a result, after failing to put us into involuntary care, our clinic kicked us out as untreatable, with nothing but a list of therapists to contact.

None of whom were dissociation specialists, and none of whom were taking patients, and only few of whom were covered by insurance to begin with, that is, if insurance would have ever even covered us to begin with. Again, untreatable. Turning to our mother, we hopped continents, got a trauma/dissociation specialist from the United fucking States of America instead, and with some cooperation between her and our local psychiatric unit (as they were ending our patientship with them) finally reached a consensus on what was actually wrong with us. Not BPD, which was scrapped, but DID.

So, how does any of this relate to Canada, and Canada's eugenics laws? Have you heard already about the patients who are recommended assisted suicide by their "care" teams? Do you see what I'm implying here?

This fucking disaster of a law is a glaring reminder that no matter the fact that we're doing better - marginally, not good enough to be anything but disabled, but still better than ever - we'd still be on the chopping block here? Not only do we have a disorder that the psychiatric world is inherently biased against and fearful towards, that most of it doesn't even want to try to understand, we are and have already been a lost case since childhood. There's no full recovery for us. There's no return to baseline functioning. Even as we are now, we are so vulnerable, teetering on the sharpest of edges, that it would be more of a surprise if, given the opportunity, our health "care" professionals wouldn't try to convince us into "assisted suicide."

It's the starkest of reminders that the world does not care about us, that we're treated and seen as nothing but burdens, that society wants us dead for reasons ranging from saving money to discomfort and embarrasment and fear.

How can you even keep trying to be better with that knowledge? Every time we open up about it, there's some self-appointed devil's advocate ready to ask us if it really wouldn't just be better, if we wouldn't actually be happier if we could just die. Not if they'd be happier if we'd just die, making their world more comfortable to live in as they don't have to contend with the concept of sick and injured people - but if we don't actually, secretly, still just want to be dead. And if we don't want to die then that's selfish; selfish because we're draining society's money, selfish because we're denying other people the right to be murdered by doctors who supposedly swore an oath to never do harm, selfish because we don't let them feel the self-assured comfort of being the good guy who lets the unfit to live take their own lives.

Suicidal ideation used to be a serious symptom that meant the patient was crying for help, crying to be seen, crying out to have people notice and care and show them that they're not alone and that there's always hope, someone who'll take their hand and help them walk forwards.

Now, apparently, this fascist shitshow of a society has decided that it's actually just the patient rationally showing that they agree with the mainstream view of it being better for everybody if they just died off.

And you want me to be okay with this? Just go on like it's fine? Just act like this isn't personal? Just accept that not only should I let other people be killed, but that I, and everyone else in this fucked up little head of mine, would actually be better off dead ourselves?

I have no fucking words left.

#assisted suicide #canada eugenics law #dissociative identity disorder #did #if you come here to tell me how I'm wrong I'm literally not only blocking you on sight #but I will crawl from underneath your bed at night and shove your fucking pillow so far down your throat #that the people who find your corpse will see it peeking out of your asshole #d post #legal disclaimer: despite being a wholly disembodied entity #I am not in reality capable of crawling out from underneath the beds of strangers #nor am I capable of shoving pillows down people's mouths as pillows tend to be large and mouths rather small

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imperatorium · 2 years

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OK SO- i don’t know if you remember my ask but I’m the same anon from the ask about if it was ok if I wrote a very, and I mean very (I am so sorry this was so much longer then intended) long scenario between nihil and imperator based on the song somethin’ stupid and I finally stopped being lazy and wrote the rest of this, sorry for it taking so long (the ask was like 9-10 days ago I believe).

I will say if this is too long (even with smaller text) then what you’re comfortable responding to then feel free to delete it and I’ll come back in like 2-3 days and split it up so it doesn’t fill up your blog too much. Anyway please enjoy:

2-4 months after nihil first meets imperator he becomes truly head-over-heels for her and genuinely loves everything about her (good and bad) to the point he doesn’t even know how to fully react to it because all he’s ever really had for relationships were short-term or didn’t last due to various reasons and he’s never felt like this for any of his partners

But (in a rare moment of clarity and intelligence) nihil kinda realizes imperator thinks/sees their relationship as a longer fling but nothing more so he wants to try his best to woo her is the most romantic way possible and to talk about how he feels so maybe she’ll change her about how she sees them and they can be in a proper relationship, that always works right? (I did say a rare moment of intelligence)

So the man asks her out on a date when she’s free one day and she doesn’t think anything of it until he’s all like “ok so let’s make this 3 weeks away and also make sure to buy/plan to wear a nice dress because I’m going to make a reservation at [insert fancy, 5 star, insanely nice restaurant]” that she’s only ever been able to go once and absolutely loved it and mentioned that to him in, what she’s pretty sure was only once before, passing.

So she gets a little suspicious about any alterier motives he might have but she still agrees anyway. Keep in mind, imperator started this whole relationship with him to establish a connection and trust with him to later use to manipulate him to get what she wants (power and influence in the church), but at the same time has grown to genuinely care about him and enjoy his company (even though he can be a little too dense and stubborn for her to deal with sometimes). Basically, she IS under the impression that their little relationship is purely sexual but it doesn’t really bother her since she’s already done what she set out to do and their relationship will just make him easier to keep by her side until she needs him. But until they do break off why not have some fun and treat each other for a bit, ya know.

So my man’s over in his room planning for this thing, before and after as well, to make sure this entire thing goes really well if not perfectly. We’re talking he’s planning out what flirty things he should say and what compliments he should give out instead of just going with the flow, he’s basically devolved to a high school boy who’s asked out his crush out to a school dance instead of man who’s in his late 20s/early 30s.

The time comes for the date, they go to eat and everything is going well and nihil is dropping the most absolutely STUPID compliments and flirty lines ever. Think “are you from Tennessee” or “did it hurt when you fell from heaven crawled out of hell” kinda stuff. Imperator thinks it’s the funniest crap though, it’s just so bad she can’t not laugh because she can’t remember a time she’s heard lines this horrible but still endearing and plays along with him because it’s fun.

The dinner finishes and they go on a small walk down the street in the older and nicer part of town where some musicians are playing (they’re playing the instrumental to Somethin Stupid because ofc they are) and find a little alcove with some vines and plants to hide away in and start slow dancing to it (and imperator is acting like she didn’t know musicians liked to play here early in the night for nihil’s sake pffff-).

As the music slows down and ends he pulls her close and just gets this dopey smile on his face and puts his fore head on her and just says that he loves her. Imperator is like “sure yeah, I know”, but nihil’s like “no no no no no I LOVE love you, as in I want to seriously be with you”. Imperator looks just about as shocked as he’s ever seen her, which granted, isn’t much, but it still kinda looks like the internet dial up noise is going on in her head. This does hurt his feelings slightly but he’s not very shocked considering what their relationship has been like up until this point.

Meanwhile, imperator is having the biggest oh no moment of her life. Like, she’s been pretty jaded by the world and has been a lone wolf all her life and knows how to use her looks to get what she wants. But like actual romance? Hell no. On the outside she seems mostly fine if a bit conflicted but on the inside she’s about ready to freak out entirely and loose her composure because ACTUAL FEELINGS?????? IN HER MANIPULATIVE GRAND PLAN????? It can muddy up a lot of stuff. The worst of it is that she actually can’t bring herself to reject or be mean to him about it, she doesn’t know why but she just can’t.

After composing herself, imperator simply responds by saying something along the lines of “look we’ve both had a few drinks, I now you want to talk about this now but it probably isn’t a good time to, especially in public.” Nihil’s a little dejected by the response but it’s something and she’s unfortunately right about this so they head back to the car and drive back to the abbey (cue the most awkward silent car ride of the decade).

They say their goodbyes and she does hug him before they go to their separate rooms (there’s hope for him!). Problem is that imperator can’t go to sleep. She her mind keeps on going over the events of the night and eventually just keeps on replaying the moment when he said he loved her, why couldn’t she turn him down? Why couldn’t she simply say what their relationship was, allies with benefits? It just didn’t make sense.

She does eventually go to sleep, but in the wonderful ways of late-night, anxiety inducing thoughts, she wakes up in the middle of the night in a sweat realizing “oh shit, maybe I do love him back”. She spends a good hour if not more, early in the morning recontextualizing their relationship and interacts. How long has she been like this? When did it start? It just didn’t make sense and it also didn’t bode well for her. Getting genuine feelings mixed up wasn’t good especially if she needed to help the clergy get rid of him if he were to be an unideal papa. There’s also the fact that after this self-realization that every memory or though of him started to make her heart flutter more little by little. She was one of the most powerful people in the entire church, not some lovesick schoolgirl. So, she decides to go on a walk to clear her head for a bit

[enter a scenario of her singing Jhonathan Young’s cover of I Won’t Say I’m in Love while walking around with the ghouls as backup vocals and instrumentals because I’m a complete freak with impure thoughts]

(As you can tell I’m a sucker for the incredibly fluffy trope of “tough and scary person experiences feelings and love for someone and they are in denial about it”. Also I would write a whole fic for this if I knew how oof-)

ANON THIS IS VERY CUTE. I'm sorry it took me a couple days to respond - Halloween is a busy time here at ya Sister's ministry - but I am very grateful for you having sent this to me. ♥

I always think of Sister as having been 100% in love from the (very long) get-go (see: the "Cirice" music vid), BUT between her ambitions for Church/World Takeover and her tendency to smother any and all messy emotions, I could absolutely see a version of her bottling all of that up in one small container with a lid so painfully tight that every time she sees Nihil beforehand, she's just like, "Gross, when did I develop acid reflux?"

And honestly, since I do always think of her as being the one who makes all the grand efforts for Nihil, the idea of him GOIN THROUGH IT just to impress her and give her a holiday that she absolutely deserves is making me swoon. And no matter what the circumstances, she deserves to hear someone say "I love you," to her and mean it. That's true in all scenarios!

#asks #ghost

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devandahlcourte-work-in-progress · 2 years

Text

📓📕📘📙 Prologue 📓📔📗📘

I am reposting these first eighty-two chapters (in 22 sections) plus the prologue and the preface.

These posts will be the updated versions from my DeviantArt account, and since Tumblr may not display all the text correctly (it destroys anything I had in italics or underlined) I would still recommend reading everything there, on DeviantArt. They will also include internal links that navigate between the chapters on DeviantArt and will take the reader off Tumblr if clicked.

This came about because I noticed search engines were finding random sections of my book and displaying them along with some other people’s blog posts.

Okay, so that’s why I installed those internal links in each one… so that if anyone gets to a random section by way of a search engine and would like to read the story from the beginning, they can.

Only then did I realize that it wasn’t getting it’s search results from DeviantArt, but from old Tumblr.

There’s another problem at work here besides unrefined searches…

There is a new species of virus on the internet that likes to eat ancient Tumblr posts and barf them back up infested with adware - spyware - malware etc. The virus goes by names like TumGIR, TumBIG, TumPIK, or Tum(anything else but ‘blr’). The caps were added by me for emphasis so that maybe you can double check in case you’re not looking at an actual Tumblr post right now but one of these so-called “mirror” sites.

If you’re looking at this text through one of the counterfeit Tumblrs that I mentioned, then no link you click (assuming it even copies it with my links intact) will take you out; it will redirect you and show you all of the spam ads it wants to. So read carefully what url is showing on your browser right now.

If it is one of the untrustworthy ones I would suggest closing your browser window and doing whatever else you normally would in order to reset settings.

As far as my science fiction novel entitled “If And Only If,” the safest way to find it is by going to my Instagram:

@michelle.de.vandahlcourte

From there you can click on the link in my bio. It will take you to the beginning of the story on DeviantArt… the safe one! No malware.

P.S. None of this is Tumblr’s fault! It’s the malware/adware/spyware developers who are stealing people’s tumblr posts.

The actual content of this page appears below here👇

📓📕📘📙 Prologue 📓📔📗📘

↩️return to previous section (the preface)

Never trust a time traveler who doesn’t wear a watch.

“I found this in the patient’s room, Ms. Ranganathan,” her eager young personal assistant said. “At first I thought it was from a fortune cookie, but it’s in ink, done by someone who can print very neatly.”

“Thank you so much Petra. You did what our ‘sweep team’ failed to do properly.” She took the tiny strip of paper, knowing exactly who the aphorism’s author was referring to, and silently disagreed. Just a few days ago and thirty-thousand years in the future, she’d had the pleasure of hearing him perform his signature song live – while not wearing a watch. His trustworthiness wasn’t a problem. The person who wrote this “fortune” however, was a narcissistic sociopath who was going to get three helicopter-loads of people killed in about a dozen years.

She continued staring into the thing her European employees called a tablet. That was good, she thought, that it blended in with their technology and didn’t look too futuristic. The young woman whom she could just see in the corner of her eye, was in fact chronologically a year older than she. It was also good to see she’d put on neoprene gloves first before picking up some random scrap from a patient’s restroom floor, even though she knew this patient hadn’t been physically ill at all. She glanced at her own watch, one of only two on the entire planet that was currently working, and thought: twenty minutes... that should be more than enough.

Her assistant needed to be less formal, especially in public. Not for social or interpersonal reasons but because it looked attention-drawing weird for Petra to be speaking that way to someone of her apparent age. It had taken about a week to get her to “duzen” as the Germans call it. That part didn’t matter in English, and since this patient had escaped from an American hospital... It wasn’t a big deal at the moment. Furthermore, with time frozen, no one could see or hear them; they could speak however they wanted.

So she held off on another don’t-be-so-formal-in-public talk. The young German had never seen Marcy and Peppermint Patty from Peanuts either, so that analogy hadn’t helped. “Hey, since your tablet should be charged enough by now, go ahead and read me some more of your redacted report for the human workers, please.”

“Yes ma’am!” She whipped the thing out like a spaghetti-western gunslinger and got the page right open:

“A prior group of humans at some unspecified time have found the object. It is not exactly a sphere, but as Alex later described it, The Thing oscillates between a prolate spheroid and an oblate spheroid form. After the original humans found it, it accelerates into space to make its escape.”

She paused to clean a smudge off her screen and casually see if her suddenly-very-quiet boss was still even in the room. She was. Just evidently scanning a corner with a gadget that looked like an old-fashioned label maker.

“It lands on Venus and burrows under the surface slightly – at a place called Lakshmi Planum. This is supposed to be the automated spheroid’s way of returning to its alien caretakers or owners. It’s basically a tool for aliens on a camping trip. Alex later describes them as 12-dimensional beings. We aren’t sure if he’s joking or not. He’s a mathematician.”

She stopped to see why her boss had laughed. “It’s okay Petra, you quoted me exactly. But we’ll edit that part from the final version. Please continue.”

In truth she had known that mathematician since they were kids at school together over a hundred-twenty years in the future. That would be too much info for her assistant from this era of Earth’s past to handle right now. So she got her to keep reading the dumbed-down version while they could still take advantage of time being frozen and the nano robots were still erasing all evidence of the patient’s DNA; enough that the simple CSI types from this time would never be able to find anything.

Back to The Spheroid’s strategy:

Sort of like “if we get separated, meet back here.”

The Spheroid has rudimentary AI capabilities and the ability to monitor or access information networks. It concludes that Venus is a safe place to wait, since humans in the eventual future where it was-will-be found by the miners, will apparently at least partially terraform Mars. But they will do nothing whatsoever with Venus. They decide that it’s just too complicated due to the atmosphere.

The thing knows this from reading the ship’s logs and library files on the human-crewed spacecraft that picked it up. It will simply wait for the appropriate amount of time until right after it was originally found by the mining expedition and gravitationally slingshotted around a naked singularity. Then it will return to its original spatial coordinates and reunite with its owners, etc.

The important details left out in the “et cetera” portion of this account would fill the woman’s device. But several of the higher-ups were adamant that this was all they were cleared for.

She continued:

It does not, however, have the ability to refuse service to anyone else who may find it along the way – Think of an unlocked phone. And someone did find it.

At the end of its last encounter with humans, the six metallurgical researchers on the asteroid outpost who agreed to forget about the alien artifact because they believed it was too much power for any human beings to be trusted with – not only themselves, but any humans at all – made a mistake.

In erasing their memories, one or more of them accidentally erased something they shouldn’t have… A seemingly unimportant memory that would have led its owner to action… That would’ve established space exploration policy, eventually leading to Mars terraforming endeavors in the following century.

Instead? Humans in this alternate future have decided to terraform Venus after all. A few years later they did still terraform Mars as well.

The woman paused briefly to get ahold of herself. She knew the basics: time travel is real, the boss is from the future, the people she works for are the “good guys,” and naturally technology in the future is going to be more advanced. But the numbers which were forthcoming as she read had truly terrifying implications. Had humans become more advanced in this future as well? Enough so that they could be trusted with this kind of… well, firepower?

“It takes about one megaton pushing on every twenty-five square kilometers of atmosphere.” She went on reading.

“So 32,768 one-thousand megaton thermonuclear devices – shaped nuclear charges – are detonated simultaneously and at uniform height over equidistant points above the atmosphere of Venus, causing the atmosphere to undergo implosion-ablation and be largely blasted off into space where it gets harmlessly dragged in by the Sun’s gravity and becomes a zeptoscopically small amount of additional nuclear fuel for our star.”

Future-Alex’s calculations in high school in another century would show it had to be more firepower than that, and that the future-government was probably lying, but again not relevant to humans of 2006.

Thus with the planetary atmosphere of Venus pretty much removed, the humans eagerly began their sub-Cytherean terraforming operations.

Impact on the spheroid’s plans:

Venus was a place where it thought it could wait quietly for a millennium or so, without being disturbed, until its original owners came for it. Now, with all the humans poking around, the thing found it necessary to relocate. First to the far western edge of Ishtar Terra, and then off-planet. As far as it knows, Mars is still being colonized. It chooses for its hiding place, a subterranean cavern beneath a giant sinkhole in an abandoned part of Kentucky...

That was about as far as her assistant’s report would need to go for now, but of course it triggered some of Praji’s memories of her “home time” that she’d recently been forced to leave. That part of the story would need to continue in her mind vlog, privately. Prajina noticed the files in her mindwire beckoning to her but couldn’t look of course; the world would only be frozen for another thirteen minutes now.

Continue on to next section…

If And Only If

by Michelle Viviénne de Vandahlcourte

No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher or author.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

First Edition. © December 16, 2015.

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purplecld · 2 years

Text

I went to a gallery and a staff told me I should not buy the ticket because I am a student, so he spent half an hour trying to get me a refund. Before I left, he asked if I would like to go on a date with him. I gently said no.

How many strangers could have been my lover, or someone who changes my life, or a true friend, but I never let them into my heart?

Maybe subconsciously I have many limiting beliefs, and is that why I completely changed my life path because of someone I met 7 days ago? And keep texting L even knowing I should never do that again?

I realized how much energy I spend on people who is not worth it, and I could have spent it on my future. Knowing L will never appear in my life again, I opened Bumble, trying to fill up the void. But I know that never works. So I turned off my phone for 2 days, trying to find an answer in silence:

You really cannot make mistakes in life. Because every life experience leads you to the next thing that might be completely unexpected. As long as I don’t rely my happiness on any goal or anyone – never think ‘if I have certain things or if I have him, then I will be happy’. As long as I enjoy every second I have right now, then my life is meaningful.

For example this morning, I felt like wiring something. So I wrote these, I feel peace, I feel that I am truly enjoying every second, I don’t even know how long has passed while I was typing.

Yesterday I did a meditation, and I wanted to test my intuition. So when I was in the other dimension, I asked ‘can you let me know when its 7 am?’ then I kept meditating and one moments, I felt a force telling me, it is 7 am now. suddenly I didn’t trust it, I asked again and again, it is really now, should I open my eyes now.

Then I opened my eyes, it’s 7:01. While I was doubting myself, 1 minuet passed.

Everything is like a game; life is a game.

I want to be an artist, I want to constantly improve myself, learn new things, make more friends. Not primary for money, external validation or power. But just to experience, to live, and keep trusting myself, and the light guiding me down this life.

I want to keep expressing myself, in any ways possible. Poetry, paintings, songs or writing. Not for people to like me, but so that I can find my type of people.

I want to see how far I can go, and if the world can progress more, and be more loving because of my presence.

If one day I want, then I will leave this all behind, I will live in a forest, I will be at peace all the time, I will talk to trees, sky, mother Earth and God.

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multifandomwhore-003 · 2 years

Text

You're a bitch

Dedicated to: @sugarcoatedjj , bestie I know I've being promising that Dylan fic since forever ago and I'm really sorry I haven't released it yet but this time I REALLY promise I'll get back to it, it's just that school's been a BITCH, in the meantime I wrote this and I just knew I had to like give it to you somehow as a... I dunno, the point is I love you, and I miss you and I hope you can forgive me

Pairing: JJ Maybank x female! reader

Summary: JJ Maybank can go fuck you. himself.

Genre(s): a bit of angst maybe

Warnings: Mentions of sexual frustration

Taglist: @pankowfruitsnacks @youdontlikethatdoyoucupcake @fdl305 @rafecameronswhore @prettiestgirlontheblock @barbiekatz @gabiatthedisco @l-o-v-r-s @kaitieskidmore1 join the taglist here

A/N: So um... hi, I'm kinda back, why am I returning with this you may ask? Well, this just happened to me last week and I needed to get all of it out so... enjoy? Also! Should I do a part two?

Par two on the masterlist!

𓆉︎𝙹𝙹 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚁𝚞𝚍𝚢 𝙿𝚊𝚗𝚔𝚘𝚠 𝚒𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝𓆉︎

REQUESTS CLOSED

THIS IS NOT FREE USE, YOU CANNOT USE MY WORK

Reblog if you like

What started as a silly little crush, a cute one even, turned out to be a huge sexual frustration. It was too good to be true, somewhere deep down you knew it, you couldn't believe a) he would like you back, and b) he was single, your intuition never fails, you should've trusted yourself, but still, you wouldn't have been prepared for his friends to tell you the truth.

You hated him, even more so now that you had every right to; you hated letting your guard down, you hated his stupid fucking laugh, you hated that he knew facts about you no one else did, his marked muscles, you hated the moment you chose to have an intimate moment with him, his fluffy hair, you hated texting him nonstop for three weeks, his thick fingers and popped veins, you hated squealing into your pillow like a little girl out of happiness, his perfectly straight jaw, you hated feeling fluttery under his timid touch, his confidence, you hated that all the time you'd spent fixing your heart had been wasted on him, but more importantly, you hated that you still liked him.

JJ Maybank knew that he left little to the imagination whenever he was out, he knew that someone had undressed him with their eyes at least once, he enjoyed it, as egocentric and asshole-y as it was; and the thought of you being one more made your blood boil. It didn't matter if you gave him the cold shoulder since that day, unfortunately for you, his friends were super fucking nice, so much so that even they were on your side cursing his name, and now they were your friends too.

You grimaced and almost banged your head against the wall that time you first dreamed about him, you weren't sure what images were running through your mind, but all you could feel as you opened your eyes was disgust and horniness all in one, first one to you, the second one to him.

You snapped your pencil in the middle of the class that time you arrived late, and John B kindly offered you a seat next to him right in front of a pair of broad, strong shoulders, imagining either punching them or kissing them, either one was satisfying.

You even almost cried when you had to tell your other friends only a day after finally deciding to talk to them about a new guy.

You clenched your jaw whenever you focused too much on his body details, fighting the urge to fuck him and yell to his face.

You went as far as to pay someone to act as your 'something' just out of pure spite, not that you needed to prove him something, but you couldn't just stand there being the idiot that got carried away with her feelings.

And to think you-

In conclusion, JJ Maybank could go fuck himself. and you.

"Hey, are you okay?" Pope tapped your shoulder.

You turned to him slowly coming back, "Y-yeah, I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"We're going back to the chateau, wanna come?"

"Oh," you stood up shaking the sand off your hands, "Um, yeah, sure," you scrunched your nose not wanting to seem rude, after all, he had been the nicest since he was the one who delivered the news.

You huffed getting to the kitchen, now, freshly showered and clean, you decided to just drink a cold glass of water, if you got drunk or high you would be once again neglecting your feelings, would that make you more relaxed and less likely to beat his ass? Sure, but maybe he needed it, maybe you were ready to confront him, it was most likely not to happen due to the fact that he knew he fucked up and he was being nothing but a chicken about it, yet you would never throw away the opportunity.

"We're gonna go get dinner, is pizza good?" Kiara asked you.

"Yeah, it's alright," you raised your shoulders not looking away from your phone.

You refused to hear anything else until the Twinkie left off, you sighed out of relief, couldn't they be just your friends without that son of a bitch?

"JB, your shower's broken, you want me to fix it?" His voice echoed through every inch of the almost empty fishing shack.

Your eyes widened, -didn't he leave with them?- "Uh-" you cleared your throat, "They left to get dinner since delivery can't come here," a common problem they had to face each time they stayed the night.

"Okay,"

You silently mocked him followed by rolling your eyes.

"Whatcha doin'?" he was leaning against the door frame of the room.

JJ Maybank wasn't stupid... Well, maybe he was, but not about this, there's a reason people liked him so much, he knew how to read them, play their game, joke, but now you'd learn how to identify his pathetic little attempts at beginning a conversation with you.

"None of your business," you snapped back.

"Mind if I sit here?" he pointed at the chair in front of you.

You raised your eyebrow, irises still filled with artificial light, "No"

"We need to talk,"

"No, not really,"

"About what happened," he insisted.

"I have no idea what you're talking about,"

He crossed his shoulders, "Really? Because for the last month you can't even make eye contact with me,"

"Eye contact's overrated,"

"Who told you?" He wasn't there for bickering, at least not now.

You locked your phone, looking up to him without roaming his naked upper half, you were so ready for this your intrusive thoughts vanished, "It doesn't matter, does it?" you crossed your legs, cockiness invading your every cell.

"It kinda does,"

"Look, JJ, you made one more mistake in your life you're gonna try and blame on someone else, so let me put this as simple as I can, so we can end this, I found it out on my own,"

"How?"

"Who cares?"

"I do!"

"Why?!"

He swallowed, a sprinkle of fear sitting at the top of his features, he didn't want to face that answer.

"What? Pussy got your tongue?" You teased him, "Tell me which one, your girlfriend's or any other girl's that you like to play cute to?" your high-pitched voice was so derogatory and filled with anger you were about to lose it.

Still, silence.

You chuckled, "You're fucking pathetic," you took another sip of your glass.

"Said the girl who still likes me,"

You scoffed hiding your embarrassment, "At least I'm not a cheating little bitch,"

"At least I'm not attracted to one,"

"Let me guess, you're trying to turn this on me, so you feel better about yourself? You really think I'm the one to look down at? If anything, I'm a victim of your bitch ass, your taken bitch ass, so go spend time with your girlfriend aka the only person who would even think of being near you,"

He bit the inside of his cheek, "I don't have one anymore,"

For a split second, he had you, that little glimpse of vulnerability almost, almost had you, "Good for her," you grinned in nothing but pure delight, "I feel like we should cheer to that," you quickly grabbed a beer from the fridge, "To Sophia Newman for leaving her cheating ex!" you chuckled before taking a sip.

"I fucking hate you,"

"Aw, the feeling's mutual," you cleaned the cold liquid off your lips with your fingers and licked them.

He saw it, he fixated on it, truth is, he wanted you just as much as you did, from the very first moment you stepped into The Wreck, hence the continuous flirting, but it was complicated like all things are, he wasn't yet brave enough to end the relationship he was no longer happy in, and you suffered the consequences of it.

"Tell me, did she yell at you? Kick you out of her house, I wanna know every little detail," you returned to your seat.

"No,"

"Ooh! Did she break up with you in public?"

He shook his head.

"She did? Oh my god," you began to laugh loudly, "I love her, she's my idol," you recovered your breath, "When and where?"

"I don't have to tell you that,"

"You kinda do actually, you played with my feelings so, you kinda owe me the little joy you being dumped is gonna give me,"

"I never meant to play with you,"

"Oh, cry me a river," you bothered him, "Who gives a fuck about the intention? It already happened, there's nothing you can do about it except face the consequences of your actions, aka try to make amends with me first, and that's my condition, you gotta tell me how it happened, isn't that the point of this conversation?"

"No, the point of this conversation was to-"

"Confront me about my feelings thinking you could actually succeed?" you cooed, "Poor little JJ, can't even do that, because guess what? I'm even more vengeful than you ever imagined,"

"You're a bitch,"

"Not more than you are, at least I have the guts to admit to my mistakes, you..." you looked him up and down, "You're nothing but an immature little boy who never learns, you're not a man," you clarified, "because a real man is the exact opposite of you," you whispered the words near his face letting them sink and cut as deep as he'd cut you.

But if there's anything his dad taught him about getting hurt, was experience, he smiled, "You've thought about saying that haven't you?"

-shit-

"Which means you've thought about me, glad to know I'm still running through your mind Y/N," he saw the way your face filled with more rage than before, "Something tells me I'm not leaving it any time soon, am I?"

-No, no, no, he can't have control, take it back, take it back-

He looked at your lips, and later on gasped at your action, more specifically, a kiss. A kiss that was nothing more than a clash of skin, a crash of emotions, a wreck of fantasies, and a bond of carnal desires.

Part two anyone?

#jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank smut #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank x pogue!reader #jj maybank x y/n

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diaphragmjellyfish · 3 years

Text

Research

Finally wrote something again! Sorry it took so long.

How exactly do you get a dog to lose your scent? Because avoiding your werewolf boyfriend Embry was proving a lot harder than you had anticipated. Last weekend was… eventful. You guys had finally done it. Gone all the way. After 6 months of dating and an imprint bond, you both finally decided you were ready to take that next step. And you’ve only had one thought since that night.

That shit hurted.

It was borderline unbearable. The pain was searing. You lied there until Embry was done, faking moans and even faking the Big O, and you were less than eager to do it again. Were you broken? He seemed to enjoy it, so obviously you were to blame. He’d been super clingy and lovey since that night, even more so than usual, and you didn’t have the heart to be around him knowing you had faked it like that. What if he found out? He’d be crushed. What if he wanted to do it again? You couldn’t take that pain another night. What if he faked it too and was going to break up with you the next time he saw you? Yeah, no. Avoidance was the way to go.

He wanted to take you out to see a movie. You mysteriously came down with a case of allergies in the middle of winter.

He wanted to pick you up after school and give you a ride home. You had the sudden urge to join a club that was meeting after school that day.

He called, your phone was on silent.

He texted, you suddenly became illiterate.

But he kept trying. God, why was he making this so difficult?! Thoughts like this swirled through your head as you walked the long way home from school. He knew your usual route, so obviously that was out of the question. You took a path through the woods that would eventually spit you out right by the beach where you could sit and think. The forest had always felt like a second home to you. Peaceful, comfortable, private. You walked for some time before hearing twigs snapping in the distance. Probably a rabbit or something. Louder snapping. Bigger sticks. Definitely not a rabbit. You halted, waiting for the creature to pass, when a large gray wolf stalked out of the trees.

Damn.

He was wearing the softest, cutest, most “kicked puppy” look on his face that you had ever seen. Head bowed, he walked up to you slowly, whining. So he had noticed your avoidance. You held your hand out to him, petting the thick fur between his ears. He sniffed your hand, giving it a soft lick.

“Hi,” you whispered. He whined louder at this. “Embry…” you started, before he crouched down, a silent cue for you to get on his back. He waited.

Guess this was inevitable. And at least him showing up in wolf form gave you some time to think about how exactly you would explain what had happened. With another soft sigh, you climbed up on his back, holding the fur tightly as he trotted off into the trees. After about 5 minutes, you realized that he was taking you to Sam and Emily’s house. You weren’t in the mood to be around the rest of the pack right now.

“Embry, I’m kind of busy today. I don’t really have time to hang out with the pack.”

He ignored you, trotting along as if your statement was the buzz of a mosquito in his ear. When you reached the house, however, you quickly realized that no one else was there. They must all be out. It was a Friday afternoon, after all.

When you reached the lawn, Embry stopped and crouched once more so you could dismount. When you did, he ran off behind the house, walking back out several minutes later as the inky-haired boy you had grown to love. His face was full of sadness, yours full of anxiety.

“Let’s go for a walk,” he said.

You silently followed him down the path that led to the cliffs, waiting for him to say something else. He never did, only kept walking. You struggled to keep up, but were too stubborn in your silence to ask him to slow down. You both finally reached the rocky cliffs jutting out over the frigid ocean. He stopped, staring out at the horizon. You paused next to him, waiting. After another several minutes of silence, you grew impatient.

“It’s supposed to snow Monday,” you said.

You waited. Silence.

“The news said they might even cancel school.”

A pause. Nothing.

“I don’t know about you, but I could definitely use a three day weeken-”

“Is there something you want to tell me?” he cut you off, seeming agitated. For as long as you’d known Embry, he was never in a bad mood. Never anything but happy. Maybe sad on a few occasions, but never angry. Never frustrated. And it was making you nervous.

And now it was your turn to be silent. Yes! You wanted to say. You hurt me! But you couldn’t. Wouldn’t. He didn’t do it on purpose, so why would you make him feel guilty about something that was your problem and your problem alone?

“Because, if I’m counting correctly, it’s been 5 days since I’ve so much as heard from you. Barely a text back. Not a call, not a ‘hey! I’m super busy this week.’ Why are you avoiding me? I thought… after last weekend, we should be more in love than ever right?! Did it not mean anything to you?”

You remained quiet, tears pooling in your eyes. You gave no sign that you were going to respond, so he kept going.

“Just tell me where your fucking head is at, Y/N. You can’t keep brushing me off like this. Did I do something wrong? Do you regret what we did? Am I, like… not ripped enough for you or something?”

“Embry, no,” you pleaded. You could see the insecurity behind his eyes. You had to tell him what was going on, but you knew it would crush him. “It’s not that at all.”

He waited. “Then what?”

You closed your eyes, a tear slipping down your face. You wiped it away quickly before taking a deep breath. “I have been avoiding you.” You looked up at his face at this, finding tears building up in his own eyes. “I love you, Embry. But last weekend, just… I can’t do that again.”

He clenched his jaw, looking anywhere but your face and nodded. He was hurt. You definitely could have worded that better.

“Let me explain,” you pleaded. He wouldn’t look at you still, but didn’t walk away, so you kept going. “I think I might be broken or something, because that… It didn’t feel right.”

At this, he looked back at your face, switching from hurt to concerned almost immediately.

“Why would you think you’re broken?”

Another pause. “I know you would never hurt me on purpose…”

“You were in pain?” he panicked, fresh tears pricking in his eyes.

“It’s not your fault,” you hurried. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that? Why would you let me keep going?!”

“I’m sorry!” you cried, causing him to walk up and embrace you. You sobbed into his chest as he pet your hair, all signs of anger gone. “You were having a good time, and I didn’t wanna ruin it, but it hurt so bad…”

“Shhhhh,” he cooed as he rocked you from side to side, letting you calm down. “It’s okay.”

After several minutes, you finally stopped crying. He didn’t falter in his embrace, only left light kisses on your forehead and cheek.

“Y/N, I am so sorry,” he whispered into your hair.

“It’s not your fault,” you replied.

“Yes, it is. I’m supposed to take care of you. It was my job to make you feel good, and you were hurting that bad and I didn’t even notice.” You sniffled, just enjoying being in his arms. A few more minutes passed as you both calmed down.

“To be fair, I did take a drama class last semester. I’d say I put on a pretty convincing performance,” you added weakly, an attempt to lighten the mood.

He huffed a laugh, if for no other reason than to make you feel better. “Had me fooled,” he added.

You smiled, looking up at him. “I’m sorry for avoiding you.”

“It’s okay. I just wish you would have told me as soon as it started to hurt that you wanted to stop.”

“I know. I should have, I just got all in my head about it.”

“And I’m sorry for hurting you. I’ll never forgive myself, and I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore,” he answered, nervously awaiting your response.

“I forgive you. And of course I still want to be with you, Embry. I love you. We just need to work on our communication skills a little bit,” you laughed.

“We do. And I’ll start. I would really love another chance to make you feel good. If you promise to be honest about how you’re feeling, I know I can do a way better job. But I understand completely if you wanna wait a while… or if you never wanna do it again. You’re in charge here.”

His words had your heart melting. He really did care about you, and you knew that if you had told him in the moment that you were in pain, he would have done anything to get you feeling good. You were always his first priority.

“I’d be willing to try again, but what we did last time didn’t work. I think we need to think of some new techniques or something,” you mumbled shyly.

“Tell you what. I’ll do some research, get some stuff, and you can come over tonight… if you want to. And we can maybe try again? And if you get there and aren’t feeling up to it, we can just watch a movie and cuddle. No pressure… I just miss you.”

You thought for a second. Worst case scenario, you’d cuddle on the couch and eat junk food. You trusted Embry completely, and if you said stop, you knew he would.

“Okay,” you replied.

__________________________________

After a long shower, some fresh makeup, and a cute-yet-comfortable outfit, you were ready to go over to Embry’s. Sure, the nerves were kicking in, but you trusted him when he said he would do some research. When you pulled up, he was already standing in the doorway smiling. You ran out and gave him a giant bear hug (or wolf hug), and he picked you up and carried you into his room, kicking the door closed with his foot.

“I missed you,” he said, face buried in your hair.

“You saw me like 3 hours ago,” you giggled in response.

“Yeah, but I haven’t seen you all week! Gotta get my Y/N fill or I might die!”

You laughed loudly, hands threading up into his hair as he sat down on the bed with you seated in his lap.

“Yeah, yeah, just try not to crowd me,” you cheekily replied.

He raised an eyebrow before tackling you back onto the bed, tickling you like a maniac and placing playful kisses all over your face and neck.

“Like this?! Don’t crowd you like this?”

“Embry stop!” you laughed, trying to suck in a breath between his manic tickles. When he finally stopped, he was lying between your legs, one hand grasping both your wrists above your head, the other propped beside you so as to not crush you. He stared lovingly at your face before leaning down and placing a soft kiss on your lips. His grip on your arms loosened, as if to say You can stop me anytime, but you didn’t. You kissed him back, arms staying in place to tell him that you were okay.

The kisses grew slightly more heated, but Embry kept them gentle. And every time you thought he was about to take things to the next step, he’d just kiss you some more. You were growing slightly impatient, breath labored and blood pumping fast. Your stomach became slightly warm, and every time you leaned up, he’d pull away.

“You’re being mean,” you whimpered.

He just looked at you and smirked before leaning down and capturing your lips once more. You could feel your blood heat in every part of your body. From your head to your toes, you felt warm and fuzzy, yet desperate for more,,, more touch, more pressure, more Embry. Growing frustrated, you hooked your legs around his waist and tried your best to pull him closer, unintentionally grinding your hips into his. When he brushed up against your core, you let out an involuntary sigh. It actually felt nice. He smiled into the kiss, pulling his lips away from yours and dragging them down to your jaw, and then your neck, suckling and sucking and leaving light red marks that made your head spin. The hand that was holding your wrists came down behind your back and up into your hair, firmly pulling your head back to give him better access to your neck.

This movement made your entire back arch up into his body. His grip in your hair tightened slightly, lips sucking your skin up into his mouth as he nibbled, before soothing with his tongue. Your toes curled, legs pulling him impossibly closer. When he felt this, he ground his hips down into yours. The combination of his hands, lips, and weight on top of you made you let out a gasp. Your hands held onto his shoulders for dear life, pulling his shirt up in an attempt to take it off. He got the hint and sat up to remove it, being away from your body for far too long for your taste. He didn’t lower fully back down, however, instead sliding his warm hands under your shirt and onto your stomach. You sat up, taking your sweatshirt off and throwing it violently across the room. His eyes widened as they looked down at your bare chest in an almost feral fashion. He gripped your thighs, tugging you down the bed with ease, and resuming his position on top of you, hands roaming all over your torso. He cupped your breasts gently, rolling your nipples softly between his fingers. You shut your eyes and threw your head back, enjoying the sensations. His kisses trailed from your neck and down to your chest, softly. Lovingly. When he reached your nipples, his tongue poked out and licked around each of them, before taking them into his mouth and sucking. His hands continued to caress your back, and he took his sweet time switching from one breast to the other, and back again, until he felt your skin grow almost as hot as his. You were writhing underneath him, panting as your mind tried to comprehend the sensations. And his mouth, God it was so warm. You felt him kiss the undersides of your breasts, and then your stomach, and then lower…

When he reached the waistband of your leggings, he brought his hands up as if to pull them off of you. He stopped, looking up at you for permission. You gave a lazy nod Yes, and lifted your hips to help him. He pulled your underwear off as well, spreading your legs and almost salivating at the sight of your soaking pussy. Not wanting to waste another second, he once again began placing kisses on your lower stomach, and then down to your hip bones, scraping his teeth lightly against the skin, which had you shuddering. He trailed lower, to where your thighs met your core, and began to suck lightly and the soft skin there. Your clit was throbbing by now, desperate for any sort of attention. You thrust your hips up, desperate for his mouth on the place you needed him, but he only pulled your legs over his shoulders and brought his arms across your stomach to hold you in place. Your hands went to his hair in an effort to control any aspect of this situation, but the boy was strong. He teased and teased and teased, until you thought you might very well crawl out of your own skin if he didn’t properly touch you soon. Embry brought his face right up to your center and licked into your entrance, making your toes curl once more. His hands gripped your hips as he brought you as far onto his tongue as he could, nose not quite brushing where you still needed him.

“Embry…” you whimpered, about to tell him what you needed.

“I know, baby. I got you,” he spoke, as he finally brought his warm tongue to lick a firm stripe up to your clit, swirling it around and sucking the swollen nub into his mouth.

You let out a moan. A real one. Your first real one. And it only encouraged Embry, as he began to suck and lick with a steady rhythm that caused your legs to shake. You felt your stomach start to coil after several minutes of this, hands fisting Embry’s hair even tighter. It felt amazing, but that coil wouldn’t snap. He started to notice you coming down slightly, orgasm fading away, when he brought his index finger into your mouth. You sucked on instinct, before he pulled it out and brought it down to your entrance. He swirled the digit around a few times and began to push in slowly. One knuckle. Then two. And then he was fully in you. Sucking your clit into his mouth yet again, he rubbed his finger up into your front wall, massaging the ridges there.

“Oh… Embry, oh my God,” you moaned. He used more pressure, and then brought his finger out and added another, slowly pushing them in together and resuming the ‘come-hither’ motion. You felt your muscles shake, losing all control, and the coil in your stomach tightened rapidly once again, only this time, it broke. Your back arched, eyes shut tight, mouth open in a silent scream as you came hard. Waves of pleasure drove through you, hands holding his head firmly onto your center. When you came down and opened your eyes, you looked down at his face to see an excited grin.

“If you tell me that was fake, I think I’ll cry,” he chirped.

You calmed your hard breathing enough to mutter a “That was real.”

“Do you wanna keep going?” he asked.

You nodded, taking note of the obvious tent in his shorts. You reached a hand down to grasp him, when he grabbed your wrist and said “Nuh-uh, I’m still making it up to you.”

He stood up off the bed and went over to a plastic shopping bag on his desk. He opened it and pulled out a condom, some lube, and a small pink toy. Your eyes widened, and he cockily stated, “told you I’d do some research. Come here Sweetheart.” He held a hand out to help you up, and moved you so that you were on your hands and knees, bum facing him as he stood at the edge of the bed. He tore the condom packet open with his teeth and rolled it on, and then opened the bottle of lube and slathered it all over himself. He then brought what was left on his hand up to your sensitive core, distributing the substance gently. Throwing the bottle onto the floor, he lined himself up with your entrance.

“You sure you wanna keep going?” he asked. You nodded in response. “I need you to say it, babe.”

“Yes, I want to keep going, Em,” you almost cried.

“Okay, but I need you to tell me if it hurts even a little. Promise?”

“Promise.”

He grasped your hip with one hand, guiding himself in with the other. Slowly, carefully, he became fully seated inside you, giving you a moment to adjust. You felt no pain, just a delicious stretch inside your walls. When Embry saw that you were relaxed, he pulled himself out a couple of inches and softly thrusted back in, looking for any signs of discomfort. He found none, and continued. He dragged himself in and out of you at a torturous pace that made your breathing pick up yet again. You needed more. You began rocking yourself back onto him, begging for a faster pace, and he complied. He pulled out several inches more this time, shoving back in at a quicker pace that had your toes curling and your moans going up in pitch. At this, he stopped holding back. Embry began pounding into you, hands gripping your hips tight enough to leave the good kind of bruise. You were moaning loudly, brain turning to mush. This is what sex was supposed to be like. What you’d always imagined it would be like. Passionate, loving, amazing.

Embry found himself reaching the edge, but would not allow himself to finish before you. He reached down onto the bed for the small pink toy that you had forgotten about. He flicked it on, brought his other hand down and around your throat to pull you up against him, and held the small vibrator right onto your clit. The pounding pressure of his dick paired with the fervent vibrations had you seeing stars. You came. Hard. You didn’t know how long the orgasm had lasted. When you came to, you were lying on your back on the bed, breathing still labored, as Embry cleaned your thighs off with a damp towel. He noticed you looking up at him.

“Hey, Sweetheart,” he cooed.

“Hey,” you responded weakly.

“How ya doing?”

“Really good,” you laughed.

“Yeah?” he beamed at you as you nodded in response. “Good. I’m gonna get you some water and then we can cuddle, okay?” You only smiled in contentment as he walked off into the hallway, returning shortly with a cup of cold water. “Sit up for me?”

“Can’t,” you answered, eliciting a laugh from him.

“C’mon, I’ll help you,” he spoke as he gently held the back of your head, supporting you as you leaned up to drink from the cup he was holding up to your mouth. After you took a few sips, he seemed satisfied and placed the cup on the floor, lying down next to you and pulling you close. “If you start ignoring me after that, I might have to kill you,” he teased.

“Don’t worry. I won’t ever ignore you again.” You sighed in contentment, listening to Embry’s soothing heartbeat, before you began to wonder. “By the way, what the heck kind of research did you do?”

He huffed a laugh before responding, “Some guy on the internet called Owen Grey.”

#twilight #wolf pack #embry call #embry call x reader #embry call smut #twilight smut #sam uley #jacob black #paul lahote #quil ateara #seth clearwater #jared cameron #leah clearwater #edward cullen #embry call x reader smut #paul lahote x reader #paul lahote smut

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natswritingz · 3 years

Text

Sexting next door / Sam x Reader

Note : This is my first fic in I don’t know how long, I tried my hardest so I really hope at least someone can enjoy this lol, also might be typos!

Words : 2.4k

Warnings : Sexting, exchanging pictures, dirty dirty talking, talk of oral/penetration/dry humping, swearing, lots of stuff.

The last week had been occupied with a hunt which ended with the three of you searching the woods for an old cemetery, laying all the buried souls to rest. Working with the Winchesters made the gigs easier. You found some joy in their presence, especially around Sammy.

You guys obviously had crushed on eachother, Sammy made the most moves while you took them as innocent jokes. You just didn't want to complicate anything for anyone.

You all had just got back to the motel, while the brothers shared a room like always, you got your own right next door. Your phone sat next to you as you pried off your dirt caked boots, hidden graveyards were something else. The device chimed with Sams assigned ringtone, you grabbed it in eagerness.

"You get settled in?"

You smiled at the text, he knew how to make you feel special even if it's a simple check in. You struggled with a response that sounded natural, typing then deleting, you finally wrote one and went with it.

"Yeah, just got the boots off lol"

"Are you getting anything good on the tv?"

"Nope, nothing"

That was a lie, you haven't even looked at the tv yet, but he didn't know that. You began unbuttoning your grimy top, feeling the cool air nip at your skin while the material still hung on your shoulders. You bit your lip as you typed another text to follow your previous one.

"Finally getting out of these clothes too"

You locked your phone quickly with embarrassment, you couldn't believe what you just sent. He was your friend, but the entire day he had been constantly flirting which made the temptation even harder to resist. The phone chimed after what felt like ages.

"Me too, I was able to get the shower first"

You read the text through squinted eyes, terrified to read his response with fully opened eyes. Your mind trailed to the image of him without anything on, the warm water running down his toned body, it made your heart race.

"Just about to get in"

You nervously pulled at your lip while intently watching the screen.

"Maybe I should hop in too, hot water sounds amazing right now"

"Do it, I'll keep you company ;)"

The wink confirmed it. He was leaving an opening for you to accept or decline before pursuing anything more.

"I'm taking off my clothes right now, what are you doing?"

"Turning the shower on, already undressed"

"I wish I could see that"

He opened it and hasn't responded in a while, you completely fucked it up. You cursed at yourself before seeing the tiny text bubble come up and disappear a few times until one finally came in.

"I wish I could see you take off those jeans, I could not stop staring at your ass today. All I wanted to do was pounce on you, you've been all I could think of."

You gulped at his message, this was would be your first time sexting, you were already loving it. You felt yourself getting excited at his message, reading it over and over. You pulled your shirt off the rest of the way.

"You were looking? That's very unprofessional of you, Sammy. If only I knew, I would've been 'accidentally' grinding against you all day."

Both of your tones suddenly changed, it wasn't the laid back no-period texts you normally exchanged, it was dirty and intriguing. You couldn't wait for him to respond.

"If you had done that, I don't think I would've been able to control myself."

"What would you have done? I would've loved to feel you press against my ass, I'm clenching my thighs just thinking about it."

"I would've pulled you into the nearest room and commanded you to grind against me until you came in your pretty panties."

You groaned at the thought, Sammy made dry humping sound hot, he could probably make any sexual act sound compelling.

"How do you know what panties I wear?"

You found yourself completely wrapped in texting back and forth you forgot about your plans to shower. Deciding to get comfortable, you leaned back onto the comforter. You were invested in where this was going, a shower could wait, unlike this.

"I've done your laundry and seen you in your undergarments before. I think I pretty much know everything about you, Y/N."

"I'm imaging my lace covered pussy grinding against your bulge covered by your boxers. It would feel so good to have you rub against me. I'd be soaking through my panties you could definitely see it dampening both our cloths."

You wanted to get dirtier so you tested the water, you wrote the first thing you thought of. It may have been a little too forward but your lust clouded all rational thinking.

"Jesus. My imagination might not be doing this scenario justice, I think we'd have to try it out next time we see eachother."

The elation in you grew with each suggestion.

"And when will that be?"

"If you keep it up, soon. Have you stripped yet?"

Sam was a great dom, he wanted everything to be in his control and you couldn't help but like it. You could trust him with control.

"I've been so busy with our little daydreams, I forgot I was even going to shower. Laying in bed still partially clothed."

"Take your pants off now, then give your ass a nice spank for me. Make it sting."

You followed his orders, placing the phone to your side as you lifted your hips to remove the jeans. You held the phone again as you flipped, now laying on your stomach, you used your free hand to rub on your cheek before giving it a sharp smack.

"Both are done, I'm thinking this might leave a mark?"

You raised your phone in a rush of confidence, snapping a photo of your ass and the handprint that reddened with time, attaching it to your message, and sending it without any hesitation. The mark was not as big as Sam could do and you dearly wished it was his hand instead.

"Fucking hell Y/N, I was not expecting that. You're making me want to come over right now to fuck you senseless."

"What do I do next? Still have my panties and bra on."

"Take your bra off baby girl, play with your nipples till they're both hard. Pinch them, flick them, be rough with it."

It was easy for you to follow his words, you found yourself loving his demands and dominance, you could keep following them for hours. You held yourself up with an elbow, you pinched the tip hard between your fingertips, rolling them slightly for more stimulation. You moaned with each uncoordinated flick.

"They're feeling so sensitive now."

You attached another picture, your tits in frame with your now erect and red nipples. After his reaction with the last one, you wanted to get more from him.

"So so perfect. Picture I'm there, sucking and biting on them. My warm breath fanning your soft skin. I want to make you feel good."

"You're making me feel good right now, I can't believe we're actually doing this."

"We can stop whenever you get uncomfortable, I want you to be good with all of this."

His message made you smile through the lust, he really did care about you. It wasn't the most ideal timing, but you could easily get worked back up again with his skills.

"Sorry, never wanna stop this <3"

You shook your head with a small laugh as you flirted.

"Good, me neither. You still have your panties on like a good girl?"

"Haven't taken them off yet, you haven't told me to."

"Sounds like someone's enjoying being bossed around, huh? What if I told you to suck me off, would you do it?"

"I'd let you throat fuck me. I want to gasp for my breath when you finally pull from my mouth."

"Your lips look perfect for my cock, I want to see them wrapped around me as I thrust into your mouth."

"I want you to be as rough as you can, Sammy."

You flipped over to your back once again, your hand dipping into your undies, rubbing soft circles over your clit as you awaited another message. You wanted to invite him over that instant but you had to resist the urge, sexting was fun and a good first step for the two of you.

"I've finally entered the shower, I'm stroking myself to the pictures you sent me. Kinda hard keeping the phone dry."

You laughed a little to yourself at the end of his message.

"Your turn?"

Not that your heart hadn't been pounding the entire time, your recent text made it even faster. You bit your lip in anticipation, you couldn't lie to yourself, you've always wondered what he was packing. And just like that, you revived a picture. Your jaw clenched at his size and width, you weren't entirely sure you'd be able to fit him if you ever got to doing this stuff in person. It was hot and impressive.

"How am I going to fit all of you? I don't think any amount of wetness would prepare me for you."

"We'll make it fit princess, I wanna see your warm pussy stretch around me. Fuuuck, I want you so bad Y/N."

"I want you bad too, maybe our next session can be face to face. I can't imagine how you'll make me feel when I have your hands on me instead of my own."

"You touching yourself right now? I don't remember telling you to stop playing with your tits."

"I couldn't take it anymore, I was aching for some relief."

That was true, your pussy throbbed for attention to the point it hurt to not touch yourself. No one else had this affect over you, making you soak through your lace like nothing.

"Fine, you can touch yourself as long as you don't cum until I allow you, and take it easy, I want you to enjoy this."

"Yes, Sammy."

You slowed down, rubbing slow circles on your aroused clit. Everything was heightened and sensitive, what was he doing to you?

"I'm touching myself, paced instead of rushed. I wish this was your hand. Not gonna lie, I constantly think of how good your large hands would feel on my body."

"Where?"

His response was immediate after he quickly read your message, considering what he told you just a little ago, you knew he was getting off to your little conversation.

"On my ass, in my pussy, around my throat. Even you holding my hands above my head or behind my back sounds like a pleasure. I want you to touch and explore every part of me."

The typing bubble appeared just as it did when he responded to every other text, this time you cut off his response with another one of your own, you wanted to get him really worked up.

"For future reference, I'd probably cum instantly with your tongue on my clit and your fingers in me as deep as they'd go."

You weren't a newbie when it came to sex, you knew what you wanted in the bedroom. Being a hunter and constantly hopping town to town, you had your occasional one night stand to release the stress that came with your job.

"Oh really? You want me buried in you while tasting you all at once? I can do that for you princess, I've been wanting to taste you. I'd eat you out till you came on my tongue then I'd make you kiss me, deep."

"You already know I'd return the favor."

You referred back to your message you sent not long ago about going down on him.

"We haven't even talked about getting to the main act and you've got me almost cumming. I had to slow my pace in order to not finish."

You smirked at his reply, biting your lip with a small groan as you still touched yourself. You were hoping you had the same effect on him that he had on you.

"Let's get onto the main act then. How'd you want to fuck me?"

"I can think of a few ways... But I most definitely want to see myself slide in and out of you. I want to enjoy every bit."

"Maybe my hands holding onto the back of my thighs while laying on my back? Everything would be on display."

"I could put your legs up on my shoulders and get really deep in you. Wouldn't that feel good?"

"I'd be seeing stars. And I would not be able to walk afterwards. Feeling you brush against my cervix repeatedly with your big cock, you're gonna fill me so good."

"Y/N you're gonna make me cum. Speed up."

With his permission, you started to rub faster. You moaned loudly, forgetting about anyone else in the seedy motel.

"Fuck, keep moaning."

You blushed in embarrassment, he could hear you from their rooms bathroom which definitely meant Dean could hear you, the strangers on the opposite side didn't concern you. You allowed yourself to moan with each lap, not holding back the cries. You went on for a minute before diverting your attention back to the phone.

"Imagine how much louder I'd be with you inside me."

"I've been thinking about all the noises you'd be making the entire time. You sound so hot. Are you close?"

"Yeah Sammy, I'm almost there."

Your breathing pattern became rapid and harsh, small wines escaping your lips as you played yourself to perfection.

"Beg for permission to cum."

You groaned at his response.

"Please let me cum, please Sam, I'm not sure I can hold it."

It was hard enough holding back your release but even harder to beg with one hand.

"You can cum baby, just cause you've been so good."

Your body released the tension, the relief rolling in as you came in your panties, finally. It hit you hard, your hips shaking as you moaned louder than earlier. You couldn't deny it, you never orgasmed like that when you were doing it solo.

"I couldn't help but finish to your moans"

His response was like his usual ones, not so formal and more playful. You could get used to seeing both sides regularly.

"We should do this more often, or try it in person, either one"

"I am 100% on board with that"

If for some reason you wanna be notified when I post a new fic, leave a comment to be tagged and your username will go here!

#supernatural #sam winchester #sam winchester x you #sam winchester fic #supernatural imagine #supernatural smut #sam winchester smut #sam winchester x y/n #supernatural fanfiction #spn

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3desiderium3 · 3 years

Text

For your love

chapter seven - I'll do whatever you want

[ series masterlist ]

previous chapter | next chapter

pairings : reader x damiano david

story summary : damiano and reader are in very loving relationship that sometimes almost too quickly becomes too toxic for anyone likings

chapter warning (s) : this is sad af i made myself sad once again , some strong language and violent behavior , mentions of alcoholism , suicide and depression

song recommendation - for your love

pov : 3 years ago

" I don't like him Y/N ! That guy just doesn't sit right with me ! " Y/N rolled her eyes at her boyfriend Michael . They had this heated argument that lasted for over an hour , because Y/N was going out with Thomas and Damiano .

Well .. Only Damiano ..

It was very clear to her that her boyfriend disliked that brown eyed god .

Y/N met Damiano through Thomas , her best male friend , maybe 2 weeks ago . But those 2 weeks ago seemed so far and so unreal .

She sometimes regretted not paying more attention to him that night .

Thomas and Damiano where driving around in Damiano's car while Y/N and Michael needed a ride to one party .

Back in those times Y/N was so in love with her boyfriend . She thought she was going to marry him . Be the mother of his kids .

At first Damiano seemed like an average person to her . She only saw him as potential band mate of her best friend . She was looking at him like she would any other acquaintance .

That night when they met felt like any other . She didn't felt sparks , she didn't felt butterflies nor did she noticed he wanted to flirt with her or something . The atmosphere was normal .

' I wanna be the first man you look at tonight

I wanna be stuck in your head and make you go wild '

The next time she hanged with him was at his house , along with Thomas of course . And even then she felt nothing towards him . No attraction . She was happy to have another male friend that is all . He was smart , charismatic , very interesting person to listen , he had a lot of interesting stories to share .

They weren't in touch . No texting or calls . The only time they hanged out was when Thomas arranged something . But soon that changed .

It was unplanned . Thomas couldn't hang , Michael was out of town and Y/N was bored .

So she simply texted him and they went out driving for hours in his car , playing music , laughing and having fun .

A lot of fun .

Basically that is how they started hanging out without Thomas . No one saw problem in it .

' I wanna drive you 'til the morning light and I wanna leave you alone in the middle of the night '

Damiano wasn't showing up any sort of deeper interest in her . He was very casual , calm and friendly . Y/N once told Thomas that she was glad that she met the person who is interested in her beyond just fucking her .

But boy she was wrong .

Maybe not the very first night he met her but after a while of going out Damiano became obsessed with Y/N .

He wanted to know everything about her , get in her head , under her skin . Just like she did to him . Suddenly they started hanging out alone every fucking day .

He had a thick notebook overfilled with drawings , portraits and sketches of her and her body , her hands , her eyes . .

He wrote songs for her . Poems . Songs splattered with his lust and desire all over their pages . ( just like he wrote for your love . )

It was driving Y/N's boyfriend crazy .

He started argues often and he was getting more and more possessive and scared for his relationship each day .

" I don't trust him Y/N . " She wished she listened to him on time . . .

Things where happening almost too fast , Y/N tried reassuring herself that what they are doing is not wrong .

I mean she cuddled with Thomas almost every day and he was also clingy . It was basically the same thing with Damiano . Right ?

Unlike her Damiano knew exactly what was going on . And in what direction it was heading . He wanted her . He craved for her . But only for pleasure .

' I wanna be a good man and see you smile

And I wanna swim between your thighs I wanna fuck you till you scream and cry . '

At first his only intention was to sleep with her but not even in a billion years he could imagine how deep in his mind she would be .

He had a tactic . Simply make everything appear natural , say a few comforting words to her , tell her something about how special she is , get what you want and try slowly to get out of that situation between the two of you before she realizes something . It worked every time .

Until this one .

They where slowly growing closer together . They spent an entire month cuddling , hanging out , playing with each others hair , driving , singing and making a strong bond .

" His intentions are not clear I can feel it ! " " Well I can't ! He wants nothing more than to be friends with me ! What do you want from me Michael ? To stop seeing my friend ? " " No . That is not what I am asking from you . But I expect you to know that it is bothering me and you stop . "

That is how any conversation between Y/N and Michael went . They grew cold , became strangers , one was fighting for their long lost love while the other was lost in the grip of the heartless lover .

Y/N started being depressed again . She became so limb and so distant from everyone .

Her state only increasing the fights between Michael and her . Damiano was not like it . .

He understood her . . .

The day he kissed her for the first time was December the third .

On that very same day he slept with her too . On that very same day she cheated on Michael .

It was weird . Y/N almost regretted it .

She coudln't describe how it was . She only remembers the rain outside pouring on that cold day . How the only light in that dark , black and Prussian blue room came from the muted TV . The room was warm . It was smelling so much like Damiano . It was sweet smell .

He was sitting on the edge of the bed , hugging Y/N by her waist . Both of them in their underwear . His head on her stomach as she was carassing his hair . His hands where rough , yet loving and gentle , he in fact was rough on a very gentle way . He made love to her like a man .

Every each time was better . The more they talked and discussed about their likings . Creating memories before or after being intimate .

' I wanna hold you in my arms tonight

For your love I'll do whatever you want . '

Ten days later Y/N broke up with Michael .

With an excuse that she was not completely ready to devote herself to them .

Instead she was laying in Damiano's sweaty arms , who held her close as she was gently caressing his chest and biceps . He talked so sweet . So interesting . So mysterious . So deep . Like he held all the answers to all her questions . He was amusing her .

Days slowly turned into a month . A whole month of disaster . Michael was right .

Damiano is bad news .

" Come here , let me hold you . "

He spoke those words in raspy voice after each time they had sex .

" Amore . . Amore "

' For your love I'll do whatever you want

I'll do whatever you want, for your love . '

Damiano always had time for her . At any time of the day .

Often even leaving his friends to go and see her .

Back then Y/N didn't understood this but the only bond she thought she had with him . .

Was just sex .

Nothing more . Pure sex .

All those memories they made , like looking at his childhood pictures , visiting his villa on the north of the Italy , going out to other cities etc ..

Those memories existed only before or after they've been intimate .

Damiano started to feel something . Something deeper than just desire for lust .

But unlike Y/N who also felt it he was scared of it . He didn't want it . He didn't want to admit it .

He was slowly falling in love . But for whatever selfish reason that he had , he couldn't be with her at that time .

He started to think about her every day , every night . Every second he had in those 24 hours .

" You ruined my life you fucking idiot . Look what you've done to me . You ruined me . "

He would say in joking tone to her . Only making her laugh and roll her eyes but he was so far from joking .

He simply got scared of his feelings .

She was not like other girls he had . And it was not some made up quiche move , it was truth .

She wasn't selfish .

She gave her whole being to him . Blindly .

Thinking he would do the same .

But no .

One day , he just started growing cold . It was a slow and painful process but Y/N felt it . She felt that winter . He always had an excuse for his behavior .

No one knew about their little special relationship . Y/N was left alone to think about everything that has happened between them so many sleepless nights .

' So baby why don't you please me now

I've got so much I can give to you . '

" I simply can't continue this tempo . This is something that became a mental gymnastic to me . This . Us . Our relationship . You happened to me when I was an emotional disaster . However you are a very dear to me . You mean a lot to me and I don't wanna lose you . I wanna continue hanging with you but we must not sleep with each other more . "

" Why are you feeling like this Damiano ? Our relationship is not that complicated . "

" Well to be honest Y/N we don't have a relationship . "

" Then why are you finding all this so stressful ?"

And so one day .

He just left .

He disappeared .

Stopped answering her calls , responding to her messages . Gone .

Y/N was desperate . Under the hard influence of alcohol and self harm again . Feeling like she was trapped in a slow motion movie .

Nothing was clear . Nothing was okay .

Why he left and where he was ?

' For your love I'll do whatever you want

I'll do whatever you want, for your love . '

She had no one to talk to but Thomas .

She came to his house one night .

It was January . It was cold . She was bleeding from all the wounds her heart tried to stich .

Sobbing she knocked on his door .

Three hours later she was in his hoodie , tightly wrapped in his embrace with puffed eyes and trembling lips . He was kissing her temple from time to time . Ice cream boxes beside the bed and her favorite movie in the background .

On his bed there was a mess made of used white tissues .

" Sometimes when people are scared they leave . " Thomas said . " Why ? " " It is easier . "

She had a sleepover at his house that night .

She hardly feel asleep . Feeling a bit better after finally opening up to someone .

Thomas was burning in rage . He was mad at both of them . More on Damiano tho , it took him a short amount of time to realize she was just being used .

January slowly ended .

And Damiano was back in town .

Y/N was starting to get over him and the fact she was feeling on her skin her mothers words.

' All boys are the same they only want to use you .'

She was getting ready go go out and hang with her friend . When suddenly on her phone screen appeared long time not seen notification .

'ykaaar sent you a message : Hey can you hang ? '

She dropped her phone on the sink .

Feeling mixed emotions of anger , sadness and excitement .

And in not less than 10 minutes she canceled her friend and she was already in his car waiting for answers .

' So tell me what you want, I'll give you what you want baby . '

" I was confused . And scared . You are the first woman that made me feel like this . I still mean it when I say I want you in my life . I just needed some alone time to clear my head and think . And I had plenty of time and space to do it . "

He took her palm in his hands kissed it and brought it close to his face . She was breathing hard . Was this really all she was waiting all this time ?

" I wanna be with you Y/N . I wanna commit to you . But I can't . I am not sure I am ready . I don't want to fail you . . What do you want from me Y/N . Why do you care for me so much ? "

" Damiano .. You are in my life with a purpose . For a certain reason . I won't let you go . I won't let you leave me . You mean to me so much as a person and even beyond that words can describe . Too much emotions , time and energy is spared on you than it was supposed to be ."

They sat in that car for hours . Talking . Crying even a bit . But at the end of the night they where in peace . In love .

January ended . February almost passed .

Winter was sharp and cruel .

' Tell me what you want, I'll give you what you want baby

Tell me what you want, I'll give you what you want baby . '

But despite that Damiano and Y/N went against it . They started dating officially . In private first few weeks .

Måneskin was having a rehearsal . They took that as an good opportunity to announce everyone the good news .

" I can't belive this . Y/N you are so fucking dumb ! " Thomas shouted at them .

The studio was silent . Ethan had his eyes wide open from shock . Victoria was sitting with her hands in her lap looking at the ground .

" What is your problem Thomas ! I thought you where going to be happy cause of me ! "

" And why would I be ?! What is it so good that you did to make me happy ?! You hooked up with him after everything ! After all those crying sleepless nights , all those public panic or anxiety attacks you had , all that alcohol that you drank !While he was out fucking some girl and not giving shit about you ! "

" Thomas that is en- " " Don't interrupt me ! "

He picked up his jacket and back pack .

" I was there for you then . And just then . But now when I see that you are repeating the same fucking mistake I am not so sure I would be there for you the next time . Don't come to my place crying how he hurt you cause we all know he would . "

He left the studio dramatically leaving everyone silent . Barely 3 minutes passed and he was storming back in inside .

" Oh yeah and another thing Damiano . You might be a good singer but that does not mean we are going to tolerate you just for that . I created Måneskin with Vic and I have every right to either kick you out or leave myself . "

He lighted a cigarette . " I do not want lying manipulators in my surrounding . "

Many years later after that day Y/N regretted being mad at her friend for taking that silly thing so personal . But her friend saw beyond every border she could ever see .

Thomas knew Damiano very well .

And he knew he was no good news .

' Because baby for your love I'll do whatever you want

For your love I'll do whatever you want I'll do whatever you want, for your love . '

A/N i wanna write a chapter based on a song i wanna f*cking tear you apart by she wants revenge . give me ideas about what i should write in that chapter along with the song .

taglist : @ella-nordstrm3 , @urskaa , @lovelysaltyland , @littleachaos , @whoreforhenrycavill , @13journals , @onceuponparrilla , @21nell , @davedace101 , @vainbimbo , @aliyeaz , @vandafabryova , @miriampraez , @foggyhottubcrusade , @daringovangel , @inr89 , @fanfictioncafe , @mrsllshhb , @over-themoon ,@theclavvofaraven , @annika0-o , @thxtsclxssified , @goddessofthem0on , @ellabeth , @vandafabryova , @boredvick , @paulasdodo, @damianoaf , @angeliquekalampoka , @coffee-and-blueberries , @yellowflickervic , @thatweirdesichick , @wildxxwolf , @mentally-dating-rosa-diaz , @moriro-da-regina , @scruffiejelly ,@lara-sky , @tryymebitch , @yourchicken10 , @thxtsclxssified , @klotsoskoufi , @l0standn0tf0und , @olivera-gajic

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hockeyshitandstuff · 3 years

Text

Are you in town? - Matthew Tkachuk (part 3)

part one here

part two here

This is the last part of this mini-series and I hope you enjoyed it! Requests are open btw, so don’t be afraid to ask for an imagine with any NHL player :))

Word count: 1464 words

TW: mentions of sex, language

...

The thing that woke you up was the bright light shining through the windows.

Shit. What time was it? You probably should have been already working - for hours.

As you looked around yourself, you started realizing this wasn’t your apartment. Everything here looked so blank and expensive and then you remembered that-

That you kisssed Matthew while he was drunk. That you fucked Matthew while he was drunk.

You groaned silently, still too sleepy to actually cry. What had you done?

You thought you were okay with staying just friends. But here I am, you thought to yourself as you climbed out of the bed.

Your body felt sore and relaxed at the same time. It was a long time since you slept with someone and actually enjoyed it like this. And even though you should be ashamed of yourself, you let yourself enjoy that feeling.

Just then you realized that the other side of Matt’s huge bed was already empty and cold. There was no sign of him in the living room or in the kitchen - he probably left a long time ago, maybe already preparing for his upcoming game.

But the smell of him lingered on the sheets like a distant memory, bringing back the thoughts of yesterday's events. His hot skin touching yours, his warm breath caressing your breasts...

Shit.

Just... shit.

And so you put on your yesterday’s clothes, write a quick note for Matt and leave his apartment without looking back.

...

It’s been two weeks since you woke up at Matthew’s apartment. Since then, you ignored his calls and texts, pretended you weren’t home when he knocked on your door and worked overtime when he waited for you at the reception.

Yes - it’s not ideal but it worked for 14 whole days. And it gave you some time to think.

As you were leaving your office, thinking only about going to bed, you realized you didn’t check if Matt was waiting for you - but too late. A hand gripped lightly your elbow, making you halt in your tracks.

“Y/N, why the fuck are you avoiding me?”

He sounded a bit angry but mostly tired and hurt. He looked tired, too - those were dark circles under his beautiful eyes.

And you just stood there, trying to come up with a good enough excuse.

Because we fucked, Matthew, you wanted to say. Because I love you and I’m afraid you’re gonna break my heart. Because I don’t want to lose you or our friendship. But wouldn’t avoiding him for a few more weeks destroy your friendship as well?

“You can’t- you can’t just leave, Y/N. What happened happened and if you want to, we can ignore it but you can’t just keep walking around it. You can’t just leave like I did all those years ago. And I’m so so sorry I did so and it’s totally my fault if you feel like I might do that again but you have to trust me that I have no reason to do so.”

Matthew looked... scared. Was it because he was afraid you’d leave him behind? Afraid of tasting his own medicine?

You still didn’t know what to say. You wanted to believe all he was saying but the memory of you crying when he abandoned you was still playing in your head. He did so just because of some stupid promise he told nobody about. What’s stopping him from doing so again?

“I panicked when I came back home that morning - I went shopping because I had no food at the apartment and I wanted to make you a perfect breakfast. And when I came back, you were gone and all you left behind was a note with only one word on it - goodbye. So yeah, I panicked. Of course I panicked. And I know I’m the reason you did it but I have no idea how to make things right. I don’t know how to make you trust me like you once did...” Matthew tugged at his curls, his hair all messy. He let out a sigh, trying to avoid your searching gaze.

"Matt-" you stopped your arm from touching his hair even though you wanted to comfort him so badly. It'd be so easy to let yourself trust him. Too easy; and that scared you more than anything. "I need time. Just- just take me out for dinner or something. We'll take things slowly and then we'll see how that turns out."

He looked at you as you spoke, watching the shape of your lips while nodding slowly. A small smile formed on Matt's lips and he tucked a loose strand of your hair behind your ear. Your cheeks went red a bit as you realized he'd do whatever you needed and won't ever ask for more than you're prepared to give him. The night two weeks ago wasn't your fault; it was yours. Matthew was drunk and never forced you to do what you did. It was you who ruined things.

"Do you have time right now?"

"Yeah, I guess." you answered, smiling up at him.

"Then I'll take you out for dinner."

Hand in hand, you realized it'd be so easy to get used to the feeling of butterflies in your stomach.

...

A month later, Matt took you to a lunch with his family. It was a long time since you've seen any of his siblings so you were super excited - but also super nervous.

You two took things really slow. Matt took you out every day if he had the time and hasn't even kissed you once. Sometimes, you wanted him to do so. Sometimes, it was the only thing you could think of.

The nostalgia hit you as soon as you saw Chesterfield again. You closed your eyes, already knowing where would the car turn on the road. You kind of missed this city - it reminded you of your childhood and of Matthew.

He was sitting next to you, driving the car, one hand on the steering wheel and the second on your thigh, drawing cirles on your jeans.

"Do they remember me?" you asked, your eyes still closed.

"Of course they remember you," Matt murmured and sang a few lines of the song playing on the radio - your song, one from the playlist on the USB that was hidden for years in the time capsule.

After Matt got drafted, you stopped talking to his family. You were mad at all of them even though it was a stupid thing to do. But now as an adult, things would be different. Yeah, you probably could be mad at Matt's dad for all the things Matt wrote you in that letter but... He only wanted his son to be happy - you'd probably do the same.

So, when the car stopped, you got out and greeted his family as nicely as you could. It took you some time to recognise Taryn as she hugged you, because last time you saw her, she was just a kid. And now... She and Brady were both adults.

"Nice to meet you again, Y/N," said their mom, Chantal as you shoot hands. Her husband smiled at you from the table where all of them were already seated and Matthew wrapped one arm around your waist as he pushed back the chair for you.

Everyone talked, laughed and enjoyed the autumn day with bright smiles on their faces. None of them seemed to mind your presence and you felt like a part of this happy family.

Halfway through the lunch, Matt pushed his chair closer to you as he whispered into your ear:

"What are you thinking about?"

You looked at him, at his bright eyes and eased smile. At the way he touched your hand and tucked your hair behind your ear. And you realized how much he cared for you and that there was nothing that could keep you two apart this time.

No more tiptoeing. No more 'taking things slow'.

"I'm thinking about how I trust you more than I trusted anyone in my life. I'm thinking about how I love you more than I loved anyone in my life."

His smile was the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. It was full of love and care and you didn't realized you were crying until Matt wiped the tears off your cheeks.

"You want to know what I'm thinking about?"

You simply nodded.

"I'm thinking about our future and about how happy you make me, Y/N. I'm thinking about how lucky I am that I can call you mine. I love you so much, Y/N." he whispered, taking one of your hand in his and intertwining your fingers.

"I love you too, Matt. And I promise I will never say goodbye to you."

#Matthew Tkachuk #hockey imagines #matthew tkachuk imagine #matthew tkachuk oneshot #matt tkachuk #matty tkachuk #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #nhl fic #nhl one shot #calgary flames #calgary flames imagine #brady tkachuk #Hockey Fanfiction #hockey fic #Hockey Players #hockey

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timextoxhajima · 3 years

Note

hi dana.. if it’s possible can i request some angsty wangsty based on niki la la lost you with eric🥺 and ughh i really love your writing like crazyyyyy

♥ title: la la lost you in april [also part of @sunlightwoo ‘s 12 Months I Loved You collaboration project]

♥ member: tbz eric

♥ genre: f2l, ex! eric x fem! reader, model! eric [SFW!]

♥ warnings: swearing, some mentions of sex [like, once i think]

♥ wc: 3.4k

♥ a/n: sis when i first heard the song I absolutely loved how you used 'angsty wangsty' so I hope this one does it for you the way you imagined it <3 [fyi i wrote it in like, a camcorder recording audio format which is something i’m trying out so please hmu on whether it’s difficult to read/understand!]

[REC: APRIL 2, 2019 - 6:39PM] SOLO LOG #1

Are you seeing this? This is the most beautiful sunset I’ve seen. I gotta get a shot of this-

Hey! Hey! I could help you take a picture with the sunset if you want to!

Oh! Would- Would you? That’d be great!

Of course!

...

Here. Is it alright?

Yeah, yeah, it’s cool! Thank you so much!

Are you recording something? Is it a- Are you vlogging? Are you a vlogger?

Yeah, no... I’m actually on a solo trip for a bit.

Oh, where are you from?

Just the next state.

Ah! You’re taking a break off... life then? I assume? Sorry if that came out weird.

No! No no! It’s alright! Yeah, I just needed a short break from... y’know, school and everything. My semester ended pretty early on so I took the chance to come out here and... see some new sights, meet some new people.

I get that. Well, for a start, what’s your name?

Oh, I’m y/n. Nice to meet you! And you?

I’m Eric.

[REC: APRIL 4, 2019 - 10:34PM] SOLO LOG #2

It is the 4th of April, 2019. I know, I know, I’m meant to do a daily vlog for all the 50 days I’m here but... it’s been... wow. Um... so I met Eric, the first day I touched down. The beach is just, about a 10 minute walk down and the sunsets are absolutely gorgeous. But uh... call me a fool and say that I’m living in the clouds but- what are the chances?

He’s funny, he’s such a great person to be around with y’know? Never a moment of like, awkwardness or stress and my God, look at me talking about a boy like that, though I met him 2 days ago.

...

Um, he’s a freelance model. For those freelance shoots by UNIQLO or Target or something and he complains about the pay sometimes, but he looks good infront of a camera, so he’s... actually the one who won at life, really.

I’m not seeing him soon because he’s got a shoot out of town and he’ll be back next week. But I did get his number and he’s been texting me since.

...

Wouldn’t it be funny if we end up together and then I have this whackass of a reel to show him? Jesus... I need to stop getting ahead of myself here. Freakin’ living in the clouds, aren’t I?

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and see if I can get my weird projector shit up and working. See you.

[REC: APRIL 7, 2019 - 5:14AM] SOLO LOG #3

It is... 5am... uh, April 7th- and I was just binging FRIENDS through the night, waiting for the sunrise before I get some shut eye and then... Eric just asked me out. Oh my God! Um, he’s coming back this Thursday and I’ll go see him at the airport before we go get dinner.

It was really funny ‘cause he had to wake up early for a shoot today and so his day has just begun but mine’s coming to an end and I just- I’m rambling so much, it’s kinda- it’s kinda sad, isn’t it?

I think I’m too happy to sleep right now so I’m just gonna text him some more before the sun rises- oh! He replied!

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and finish up this last episode before sleeping. Hopeful I can sleep. Bye!

[REC: APRIL 11, 2019 - 4:28PM] SOLO LOG #4

I am on my way out right now to go meet Eric at the airport, and I’m... it’d be an understatement to say that I’m excited. I know I’ve only known him for like, 2 days before he left but... I miss him. Is that possible? Missing someone despite knowing them for 2 days?

Anyway, I gotta go. Don’t wanna be late to see him.

[REC: APRIL 13, 2019 - 10:23AM] SOLO LOG #5

Oh! Is that what you had-

Yeah! It’s the same camera!

What are you vlogging for, actually? Like-

Nothing, really. It’s just for my own usage-

Wait, you didn’t like set that up last night while we-

Oh, God, no! Who do you think I am?

I don’t know, I mean, we’ve known each other for... is it two weeks-

Just under two weeks-

Jeez-

I know, I know, oh my God.

...

I don’t regret it though. Yeah, like- I don’t really go down to the beach that often in the first place and it just- it just so happened that you were there that day and I saw you struggling with this old thing-

I was not struggling!

Yeah you were!

I wasn’t-

I’m kidding! Gosh, you’re so cute.

...

Are you gonna have the camera recording while this carries on?

I forgot it was on-

One day we’re gonna accidentally make a sex tape-

Eric!

[REC: APRIL 17, 2019 - 1:15AM] SOLO LOG #6

-ould you pass me the hot water?

Mm? What?

The kettle over on the counter. Careful, it’s hot. Yeah, thanks.

Do you need help with-

It’s just instant noodles, sweet. Doubt I need a diploma for this. You’re recording again?

Yeah, does it bother you?

No, no, ‘course not. Though that means I can’t really do whatever I want to now.

What does that mea-

...

I can... still taste that bit of milk tea you had just now-

Could you tell it’s zero sugar?

I don’t think that matters, it’s still sweet and not great for your health to have that so much.

Aw, and yet you’re the one who suggested noodles at this timing, yeah?

You were hungry too!

...

Here, it’s done. Help me get the bowls?

Did you even wash these?

Yeah, I did. If you don’t trust me, you can run them under the water for a bit.

Mhm. Here.

If it’s not enough, we can call for Macs.

Y’know, I’ve never had Macs past midnight back at home.

What? Really? Well, when you get back in May, would you try?

Yeah, why not? Maybe I’ll do that when I’m back in school.

...

What date is it today?

April... hold on, um, 17. Careful, that’s hot.

...

When are you leaving again?

May 22.

Are you planning on coming back anytime soon after?

I don’t know. I have school to worry about and the only other time I can come back’s probably during winter break in November.

...

I won’t be around in November.

Mm? Why not?

I’m moving.

To where?

I’m not sure yet, but I need to move depending on whether I get it and where the shoot’s at.

Shoot? It’s a big project, huh?

Yeah, it’s- it’s a pretty big deal.

...

I’ll- Let me just go and...

[REC: APRIL 20, 2019 - 7:49PM] SOLO LOG #7

-idn’t have to!

No, c’mon! It’s such a great time to get this on camera! Come on, tell us what just happened!

Well, I just scored a huge model contract with Calvin Klein - in Manhattan.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’m so fucking proud of you, oh my God! Can you believe it-

No, fuck off, I can’t either!

Oh! Calvin Klein!

...

I swear, you’re an angel sent to me-

Fuck off!

I’m serious! it’s so timely- I just can’t- I’m just so happy to have met you.

...

Well, you heard it first here, ladies and gentlemen. Eric Sohn is a new model for Calvin Klein - Manhattan.

[REC: APRIL 21, 2019 - 12:40PM] SOLO LOG #8

It is 12.40pm... April 21st, 2019. I’m finally back in my apartment after crashing at Eric’s for the last... 10 days? I think it was 10 days. My clothes were running out and I didn’t want to hike up his water bills so I just came back and- y’know did my own laundry.

...

Well, it’s- it’s been an absolute dream. The last thing I expected to... have, or meet? Here, is Eric. Um, but I know I’m probably going to regret this. Especially when May 22 comes. Uh... this is... it’s real bad. I mean, we’re great, y’know? But... it’s bad, because I know it’ll hurt. Like a bitch. When my time here is up, and I gotta go back to my reality, and Eric’s gotta stick to his.

We haven’t really talked about it. May. I don’t think he wants to, and I don’t think I want to either. 50 days is too short. Either that, or I shouldn’t have come here in the first place. I shouldn’t have gone to the beach that day, in that hour.

...

I just wish we had more time. I wish 24 hours were... maybe about 100 seconds more per minute. Does that make sense? 160 seconds per minute. Then again, I don’t think that’d solve my problem. I’ll still be on a ticking... time bomb.

...

I know I shouldn’t say this. I know I can’t. I know I can’t afford to. But... I... I love him. I love Eric. With every... bit of me. It’s so... disgustingly cliché, but I feel so... comfortable with him. There’s really nothing we’d fight about, and even if we disagreed on something, we’d play it off like a debate, then forget about it the next day.

...

I love him. I do. And I’m going to regret this later. Without a doubt.

...

[REC: APRIL 27, 2019 - 2:02AM] SOLO LOG #9

-ou can see the stars?

I don’t know, that’s why I’m trying, sweet.

...

Can you see them?

Yeah, maybe if I just turn this ISO- Oh! I can kinda see the North Star-

Oh! Yeah, you can! It’s really feint though.

Right.

It’s okay, we can just lay it down here-

On the grass? Will your camera be fine?

Yeah, yeah, or else you can just put in on top of my bag- here.

...

Here, can you see me? Am I in frame?

Yeah, you’re in frame.

Okay, great. Now get over here!

...

I can taste the smoothie you had just now.

Too sweet?

A little.

...

Oh my God! Put me down! Oh- not there! It’s ticklish- AHHHHH!

...

y/n, I have something to tell you.

Mm? What is it?

...

Hello? Earth to Eric?

I... I love you. So much... and I can’t bear to see you go in May.

Oh, Eric...

No, I- I don’t want you to stay- or even think about it, ‘cause, you have your priorities and I have mine y’know...

Mhm.

I just... I just wished we had more time.

I do too. I really do.

...

Eric?

Hm?

I love you too.

...

[REC: MAY 1, 2019 - 4:23AM] SOLO LOG #10

1st May. 4...30? Am? I believe. Um, Eric’s sound asleep in his bed and I couldn’t sleep so I decided to do a log.

...

I have... 3 weeks left. 4 weeks have gone past just like that, and I don’t know what to think about it. I came for a 50-day retreat. No stress, just myself and peace and quiet and tranquility and yet-

...

I- I don’t know if I can do this.

...

[REC: MAY 7, 2019 - 3:58PM] SOLO LOG #11

So, Eric’s in shoot right now and I’m on the way into the studio with some donuts and coffee to surprise him. I called his manager and asked if it was okay so- I’m pretty psyched to see his workspace.

...

Hi, I’m y/n, I’m here to visit Eric?

Ah, okay! Hold on, let me just get you signed in with the pass-

Count me in!

You sure? This Saturday at the prep-party?

Yeah- Oh!

Eric!

y/n! What are you doing here?

I wanted to surprise you. Am I... interrupting anything?

Oh, not at all!

You must be y/n! Eric’s told me so much about you!

Did he? And you are...?

I’m Chelsea! I’ve been attached to the same Calvin Klein contract he recently got, so you could say we’re colleagues!

Well, nice to meet you! Oh, right, these donuts and coffee are meant for you guys actually!

Oh! You’re too kind! Eric, you’re such a lucky man.

I know, she’s just... everything.

Anyway, thank you so much for these. I’ll bring them back down to the studio for the crew to share. But Eric’s pretty much done for the day actually, so you guys can leave if you want to!

Are you sure? Don’t you need help downstairs with the equipment?

No, no! It’s fine, there’re more than enough people downstairs. Go have your date, and maybe you can bring her along with you for the prep-party this weekend!

What’s the prep-party... preparing for?

Oh, you’re so adorable! It’s a prep-party for the end-of-May shoot we’re gonna have. it’s a collab with DAZED so it’s a pretty big project.

You never told me you were involved in a collab with DAZED.

I was gonna tell you today.

He has been pretty busy recently, maybe slipped his mind. Anyway, thank you so much for the donuts and I’ll hope to see you at the pier this Saturday, mm?

Yeah, sure. Thanks Chels.

No problem! It was so nice to meet you, y/n, I’ll see you Saturday!

Okay, bye!

Bye, Chelsea! It was nice to meet you!

Bye!

...

Sweet, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?

I wanted it to be a surprise. I thought you said you’d end pretty late?

The filming was cut short because the shots were better than expected so we ended early.

Oh, I wanted to film you while you were at work.

You have that on?

Yeah- why?

No, just wondering.

Are you uncomfortable?

No, no, it’s just... I really didn’t expect you to come to the studio.

...

[REC: MAY 11, 2019 - 11:12PM] SOLO LOG #12

It’s 11:12pm, 11th May, 2019. 11 days to departure.

...

I... saw... Chelsea and Eric... um, out by the garage-

...

Well, I guess... it looked like they were just... having a really good talk. Or something.

...

I left. I couldn’t watch it. So, I left without telling Eric. I did tell his boss that I wasn’t feeling well and I had to leave first.

...

I guess this is the part where I regret it, isn’t it? Um... I don’t know... how... I’m gonna explain this to him when I see him again. Which is supposed to be- um- the rest of the night. I was supposed to go back to his place with him and I’ll stay for the weekend before I come back to pack my things, so-

...

y/n, are you home?

...

shit.

y/n, I know you’re home. I heard you talking. Open the door, I need to talk to you.

...

[REC: MAY 12, 2019 - 2:00AM] SOLO LOG #13

...

I look like shit, don’t I? God, my eyes hurt like a bitch.

...

I don’t think I need to say what just happened for you to guess what just happened, right? This... says it all.

...

Fuck.

...

I shouldn’t have come here. How did- How did my retreat turn out- turn out like this?

...

This is- This is too much. Too much in too short... of a time.

...

I don’t think... I don’t think I can do it. Not anymore.

...

[REC: MAY 19, 2019 - 9:59AM] SOLO LOG #14

It’s May 19th, 2019, almost 10am. I just came back from a morning walk by the beach just to... reminisce a little before I leave on Wednesday.

...

I... haven’t seen Eric since the prep-party. I blocked him and I told him not to come over, though I think he has, like, a few times. I thought I heard someone come up to my door, but he never knocked.

...

So, this is how it ends, huh? A 50-day romance cut short like that. Into about, 40?

...

It’s crazy to think that I had... the experience of a whole relationship in 40 days. I definitely did not sign up for that when I booked this 50-day retreat.

...

It was fun while it lasted, though. It was. I don’t think I’d find anybody else like Eric, and I guess it just sucks that it had to end like that. Things happen, right? That aren’t... in our control.

...

[REC: MAY 21, 2019 - 8:07PM] SOLO LOG #15

May 21st. About 8pm. I leave in about 15 hours.

...

All my stuff’s packed. Definitely more things to bring home than I brought here. Half of these things were bought by Eric and given to me. I’m... actually not sure if I should bring them back.

...

I don’t- I just don’t think I’d have the heart to throw them away.

...

Nor look at them when I’m home.

...

Should I even bring this camera home? Maybe I should wipe your memory before I bring you home, hmm?

...

It feels like a dream, doesn’t it? Everything that’s happened. It feels like a fever dream. Maybe when I’m finally home, I’d wake up and it’d be the day I come here.

...

Maybe.

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 10:03AM] SOLO LOG #16

-ny more luggage?

Nope.

Alright then, I think you’re all set. You still have about an hour’s time before the gates are open so you can get a cup of coffee or something, yeah?

Okay, thank you!

Have a nice flight ma’am.

Thanks.

...

Good evening ma’am, can I check your boarding pass?

Yeah, sure.

...

Okay, you’re good to go. Have a safe flight.

Thank you!

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 11:34AM] SOLO LOG #17

It is about 11.30am and I’m on the flight, and here’s the view outside. Sky’s pretty clear and this thing says that the weather’s great so, it should be a smooth flight without turbulence.

...

This is it. This is really it.

...

Um-

Hi, ma’am, I’m gonna need you to keep your camcorder.

Oh! Yeah, sure, sure, sorry!

[REC: APRIL 2, 2020 - 12:48AM] ERIC LOG #1

Wow, this is... weird. How did you do this last year?

...

Um, hi. y/n. If you’re watching this then I’ve somehow managed to get this synced into your camera by some weird... bluetooth, iCloud shit that Felix helped me figure out.

...

It’s been a year. And... I just thought you should... see this, or hear me out, at least. I know we didn’t end on the best terms... and I’m sorry. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have yelled at you for being unreasonable for something that was... suspicious. I should’ve understood.

...

I should’ve been there. To see you off. And I’m sorry I didn’t. I... was scared, that I wouldn’t be able to let you go if I went to send you off. I was a coward. I still am.

...

But I do want you to know that... those 50 days were the best days of my life. Albeit it ended horribly, but nothing could... nothing- nothing will ever replace what happened last April.

...

I said I love you and... I still do. Every day I think about you and your smile and your voice and- and I cry to sleep... worrying that I’d forget how you sound like, or how you laugh and how... how you smell like. My bed smelt like you even after you left.

...

I just- I love you. And I miss you. And I’d do anything to go back to what we had. I’d do anything to get- to get you back.

...

I’m sorry.

...

the clip comes to an automatic stop. the white triangle slapped onto the screen, begging you to play it again. you look up from the screen, watching the famous calvin klein ad that hasn’t stopped playing in the last month.

he hasn’t changed one bit. not his hair, not his smile, not his voice.

it’s a bittersweet pot of memory stashed in the back of your head when the memories flood back. looking back down at the camera, you count back the days - it was synced just last night.

the pile of tissues by your thighs are carelessly huddled into the bin next to your feet, mentally berating yourself for going through the memory instead of formatting it.

you stand, fingers shutting the screen back onto its body with a soft click. the tv blacks out when you press the red button on its remote.

you’re halfway into your kitchen when there’s a knock at your door, and you immediately gasp, blinking rapidly.

“oh, it’s my fucking projector!”

rushing to the door, you don’t hesitate to get the door open.

and yet, like the heavens were providing you with all the light to stop you from doubting yourself, your lungs empty themselves like vacuums.

your heart stops.

your breathing stops.

“eric... what are you doing here?”

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