idk how to tell you guys this but if your psychotic character gets prescribed anti psychotics it’s probably not that accurate

Abusive mom is ruined and wanted

It's a rough story to start, so I'll just go chronologically.

The first exmaple of how evil she was my older brother told me. Back when I was really young, my dad was in the Army and managed to score some leave (vacation time) from Desert Storm to surprise my mom for her anniversary. When he knocked on the door, all my mom said was "Why aren't you dead, I need the money." Her new beau then started backing out of the garage in my dad's mustang cobra.

He got revenge, but that's a story for later if you guys want.

The divorce was pretty much what you expect, mom got custody of me. My dad later tricked her with some money and got me for a visit, then filed for custody since my mom had warrants out for her arrest.

A few years later my dad remarried to your typical evil stepmother who doted on her daughters and hates her stepson. For example, for Easter my step sisters got huge baskets of candy and chocolates, a couple toys, etc. I got an old soup can with my name painted on it (poorly) that "I could use for pencils."

This witch managed to talk my dad into sending back to my mom, and here the story begins in earnest.

Where my mom was living was an old two bedroom, one bath house. My sister's shared one room, my mom and stepdad shared the other, my brother got the whole basement, and I got a "room" so small that I could touch fingertip to fingertip each wall, and it was double that long. I had a curtain instead of a door.

I got nothing. I hated life there. I was one of only a few white kids at school, so I got beat up alot for being white, it was low income area in Michigan, so I was the one who always had to shovel, rake, mow, and then my mom would "rent me out" to the neighbors, and they all just paid her. I did all the chores and was "grounded until she felt like ungrounding me." I basically sat on my bed for six years anytime I was not in school, cleaning, or making her money.

I learned this later, but my mom was "extorting" money from my dad. She would demand $3000 for a school photo, and he willingly paid $700 a month in child support, even though there was no need to. (He worked in the oil field business after he retired, on a corporate board). She would make stuff up like "Our car broke, etc" and demand money. My dad had to fork over $12,000 for me to go visit him for a week. He couldn't take me in at the time, he wasn't home enough (lots of travel) and he was single, but I found out he was sending me Christmas and birthday gifts every year, and I later found out from my brother she pawned them all. He bought me a brand new Color Gameboy, which was promptly taken away because "I was grounded." She pawned that too. She would often hit me for stupid reasons, like when I once put the dishes away a bit damp or if I managed to get a chocolate milk from the school cafeteria. Once I got fed up and pushed her, she called he police and he chided me.

In short, it was hell.

Meanwhile my sister's got upgraded to a private school and lots of amazing toys. She took custody of my grandfather who had MS from the waist down and couldn't even use the bathroom by himself. She got power of attorney and took all his money and blew it, as well as taking half his pain meds (like Vicodin) and giving them to my brother to sell. This will be important later, kinda.

Now the revenge part. This is going to be a bit long, so I apologize in advance.

In my junior year of high school, I got to working in the library. My teachers were amazing and supportive, and knew my situation. I got my dad's email, and we started planning. He figured once I finished high school, he would personally come up and get me. Finally when my mom decided to have a "graduation party" for me, complete with inviting all her friends and none of the like, two people I could call a friend, a couple days before my graduation ceremony. About two hours before the party was going start, my dad pulls up. I invite him in, and he looks around, looks confused. He leans in and asks me "Where is she?" I point. She was right in front of him lying on the couch. He screwed up his face, and said he'd wait in the car.

While I was gathering all my stuff in a single garbage bag, my mom finally realized who this stranger was, and lost her shit. She tried everything from bribing me with Nascar tickets (I hate Nascar, she liked it but I knew she didn't have any) to physically obstructing me. She had pulled out all the stops for this party, spending a couple thousand and lots of time cooking, err making me cook. I get outside, throw my stuff in the truck, and we take off.

(Side story. We get halfway down the street and my dad has to pull over. He laughs uncontrollably for awhile. I asked his what's up, and in his Texan accent says "Boy, when I was a kid I always wanted to marry a movie star. I just didn't think it be Jabba the Hutt." Evidently they didn't recognize each other at first, she put on ALOT of weight after they divorced.)

We get to his place, and it starts. I get updates from my sister in law. The party was f*****d. She was humiliated. Since she didn't have me, my dad stopped sending money. They had months worth of unpayable bills. She had to pawn her jewelry, pull my sister's out of the private school and back into public school, sell one of the cars she had. Soon she started calling for money claiming someone stole the mail all the time so they couldn't pay their bills and needed money to replace the mailbox so they wouldn't steal it anymore.

It was refreshing knowing I was free, and I could say no with no repercussions. I was happy to live and let live. I vowed to leave her be and let her sink or swim by her own hand. I was elated to be free, and had no desire to look back at that part of my life.

But she wasn't done with me.

I decided to follow my dad's example and join the service. I decided the Navy was the place for me. My job required a top secret clearance, so they do a very thorough background check, to include a credit check. Turns out I was delinquent in mortgage payments, I was receiving social security, and I owed a power company alot of money among other credit card debts. That b****** stole my identity and ran me into debt since she couldn't get anymore money. I knew about identity theft, it just never occurred to me that a parent has everything they need to do so.

This couldn't stand. After I finished basic training and my technical school, I spoke to my Chief (supervisor). Chief was awesome. She managed to wrangle me a "temporary assignment" to a recruiting station in my old town where my mom lived so the Navy would buy my plane tickets. I spoke to the police and filed a report. One by one I managed to clear most of the debts from me and send all the debt collectors after her.

Then I made a visit to the social security office. I was in uniform at the time, and spoke to a clerk about how I was somehow getting payments when I never got anything. She looks up the account, and boom. My mom was here. She claimed I was permanently mangled and disabled in an accident and I was physically unable to sign, giving her permission to cash my checks. The clerk read that last part out slower as it dawned on her that I was clearly more than able. She opened a case. For the monolithic bureaucracy that was the government, they move pretty fast when someone's stealing money from THEM.

Turns out when they went to investigate, she had already skipped town. They issued warrants for her arrest and she is on the run.

I got cut a check for $20,000, the amount that was garnished from my wages for what she stole from the social security administration, and she now owes that much to Uncle Sam.

So this was ten years ago.

So evidently my brother found out that not only am I doing great, I am very successful. I recently left the service and I am starting an even more exciting job. So he told Mom, and she came crawling out of the woodworks via Facebook for money for a "doctor", but I told her prison gives free medical care, and it felt good. Turns out when my aunts (her sisters who lived in another state) found out about how she treated me, she was cut out of everyone's will, to include my grandmother. Unfortunately we didn't get to my grandfather before she cashed in on him.

So heavily in debt, with no family to turn to, no way to get a job, with fraud on her record as well as selling prescription medication, and warrants out for her arrest, my mother, Jabba the Hutt, is receiving hers.

I got cut a check for $20,000, the amount that was garnished from my wages for what she stole from the social security administration, and she now owes that much to Uncle Sam.

Sorry if this is the wrong sub, but I thought I'd share.

(source) story by (/u/Admiral_Bismarck)

OC story and development

Hey there!  This is just a post I’m using to structure my thoughts on my Rockland OC thus far.  Just why I made certain decisions and whatnot.  Doing it in a little Q&A style to see if I can practice giving some more concise answers too honestly.

1. Why make Sasha a business major/administrative assistant?

Not exciting I know, but I just felt this would be a realistic career path for her to take if she’s more interested in just being able to work literally anywhere.  Any type of business requires this type of management somewhere.  I’m not a business major myself, but I know enough stuff about administrative work (orders, emails, meetings, finances, etc.).  Doesn’t make it too difficult to imagine stuff she can do, but it also likely isn’t the type of profession people will be super eager to ask questions about.  That way, I shouldn’t have to worry about going into depth and being too inaccurate.

Yes, I could have made her study marine science like I did, but part of this creative writing process is practicing with elements outside my expertise.  You can’t give EVERY single character you make the same exact job you have anyway.  Not unless your stories are incredibly creative.  Creators will also put in more research about a field they want to use in a story I know, but I’m being a little lazy here with that.  

2. Why is she 23 pre-time skip?

Three reasons.  One, I simply like middle range numbers.  For instance, I know two of the Misfits pre-time skip are 20 years old, while two more at 25.  The Misfits I consider as main cast in the Rockland series, so this puts her closer to their ages.  She’s not the youngest or oldest here though.

The second reason is because I thought it wouldn’t be too far-fetched to consider a 23 year old moving out on their own.  That’s not an easy feat these days I know, so there are other factors here such as her attending her hometown’s college to save money and just...literally having worked her but off during summers and 2 years after college to save up.

The final reason is because I feel like it’s a decent age where Sasha will view herself as a fully grown adult (especially since she’s performing this move), but forgets sometimes that she’s actually still pretty young.  I don’t know if I’m going to be portraying this well in my writing, but what I’m going for with Sasha is a fairly mature character that doesn’t realize she still gets drawn to the unusual.  In Rockland, it’s possible she may also be naive enough to believe that making a big deal out of too many things would be viewed as childish.  She doesn’t want to be viewed as a child, but she has a strong conscience when it comes to things that are messed up.  So that’s supposed to put her at odds sometimes.

3. Were Sasha’s choices the first blind run of both RoR games so far?

Yep!  RoR Article 1 there was no debate about my satisfaction with her choices.  RoR 2 was a little more difficult to decide whether to go with the first blind run only because there’s so many different things that could happen in that game.  In the end I decided to go with the first run because it was still the best fit for her character.

The only thing in the blind run that could have been different, was Sasha could have easily said she got the feeling a lot of drug deals happen vs. people getting away with a lot.  That’s just because these two statements actually came off as similar to me.  She met Tyler previously, so of course the drugs would have been on her mind.  I also considered both the drunks being beaten up and the drug peddling could have been lumped together though with the second choice about people getting away with a lot.  So yeah, I just went with the choice that was more all inclusive.

4. Any other people you would have liked Sasha to connect with a little better?

I’m sure getting Tyler’s phone number would have been great just to have a contact around town who knew places, but Sasha won’t do drugs so that was not going to happen, haha.

I actually wouldn’t have minded if she got a little more on Foal’s good side.  I don’t know why, I just feel like that would be a smart move.  You have to help Callum yourself to have that happen though, and Sasha won’t jump into a fight like that if it’s just her.

5. Any information you would have liked Sasha to learn?

I was so close, and that’s part of why there was a debate, but I passed up on her learning that Tyler is a DOCTOR.  You can imagine how insane that would have sounded, and I might have ended up writing the second Life in Rockland post as another conversation between Sasha and Pierce because of that.  Pierce would have been ALL OVER the idea of a doctor selling drugs.  “So like...does that mean he’s morally obligated to go through all the side effects being he sells you his stash?”  “Do his drugs then come in prescription bottles?”  Sasha would not have appreciated any of these questions, haha.

But actually MORE SO than learning that Tyler is a doctor, I am super disappointed that Sasha didn’t learn about the Irish Mafia.  Now THAT would have really been something to think about at the end of the night.  Not exactly the authority figures she was hoping were in charge of the town.  Definitely would have made her both super curious but also really nervous.  Alas, not only would she not have helped Callum by herself, but even with the second options she would have been more likely to press about Scarlet rather than Sergio (you have to ask about Sergio to learn it’s the Irish mafia running the place).  That’s because she would have been a little more curious about beastkin.

6. Any chance of Pierce showing up in person?

Not likely?  I’m having Sasha move within the Rumors of Rockland storyline, and there’s only room for one OC there.  It’s supposed to be about one character on their own in a brand new place that has a lot of secrets.  Throwing another character into that mix would be tricky.  Even just visiting might be too much of an interruption.

Pierce has two functions.  One is fun banter Sasha can have as well as another person she can bounce ideas off of with.  He also gives an outside perspective.  Some things that Sasha may be cautious about, Pierce might sway her to be a little more open.  There could also be cases though where Sasha might end up becoming compliant about something in Rockland (the longer she lives there) that Pierce might end up pointing out is...very strange or not okay.  

The other function is Pierce always serves as a solid lifeline to the outside world.  He’s a reminder that Sasha has other people outside of Rockland who will notice if something happens to her.  Yes, Sasha has a mother and father that also love her and she’s on good terms with.  But I feel like Pierce would end up being the first person to notice or take action if something seemed off.  I know it’s not necessary because the main character in Rumors of Rockland is not intended to ever end up in any kind of danger.  There will be other games where the MC may not even have the possibility to survive, so RoR serves as the scenario for what it’s like to successfully integrate into Rockland.  Still, Pierce is a nice extra precaution ;)

Hello, all. It has been a rough pandemic.

As you may have figured, since I am in the performing arts, I have been completely out of work since this shitshow began. The earliest venues will open up here in MA is September, which is not helpful for me, because I need to be out of my current place by 8/31. No one will rent to me on my Patreon income, so I've been trying to figure out how to supplement that with other online work.

My first thought, frankly, was camming. I'm attractive and I know that, and I don't care about being naked in "public". I have a lot of opinions on the legitimacy and legalization of sex work, but making a statement would be a convenient bonus; I'd be in it for the tips. As the appliance menagerie on the Flintstones used to say, "Eh. It's a living."

The best camera I currently have is attached to the slightly-less ancient laptop. You know, the one with the broken hinge that won't hold the screen up on the right. Only the wifi on that computer has quit working. The onboard chip was always kind of flaky, but for some reason it has chosen now to deteriorate to the point where it no longer acknowledges a router on the other side of the goddamn wall. Shooting in the living room with an ethernet cable is not an option, because another housemate is already doing that.

I bought a dual-band USB wifi adapter with antenna. It's a Realtek chip -- not gold-plated, but also not total junk. I specifically checked to make sure it worked with Ubuntu Bionic before I ordered. I have now installed three separate sets of drivers in three completely different ways, read everything ever written about this on AskUbuntu, and still the computer refuses to acknowledge its existence. Not even if I blacklist the onboard chip to keep it from falling back into previous bad habits.

The other elderly laptop (with the working wifi) has a cam that tops out at 640 x 480, which I suppose might squeak by as a tiny facecam on Twitch, or for tutoring where no one cares about pixelization. The microphone, however, is crap. It's a tinny omni on the screen bezel that likes room noise more than my voice. I don't have an external microphone, and there's no onboard Bluetooth for my wireless headset. So I bought a USB Bluetooth adapter, which this computer is ignoring as hard as the other one is the wifi dongle. I have a wired headset with a mic, but because this computer is probably mere months too old to know what to do with an inline mic on the same jack as the output signal, it doesn't register at all.

The camera on my phone is potato quality, because that is honestly about how much the phone cost. Ditto the refurb Kindle. Neither is smart enough to keep up with streaming video, which I found out when I tried to do a video rehearsal for something months ago. 

I have no place to do any kind of professional non-entertainment streaming work (e.g., tutoring) with my terrible equipment in any event. I don't own a desk. If a free desk appeared on my doorstep tomorrow, I would have nowhere to put it. My bedroom is small enough to contravene the Geneva Convention requirements for POW cells and I'm basically stuck in here, for reasons of both air conditioning and not having to interact with a house full of people who very much want me gone.

What I do have is a set of working emulators and some free video editing software, so I decided to take a stab at a subtitled Let's Play. I can certainly ramble on for 30 or so hours of Final Fantasy II. At the very least it'll give me something scheduled to do. So I pulled everything out and set it up, only to find that my controller was "pining for the fjords" -- no lights, no acknowledgement from RetroArch, no response to any button presses.

...

...okay, well, at least we're down to a level of equipment I can afford to replace. So I am waiting for the mail carrier to bring me another $10 gamepad, whilst stuck in bureaucratic hell. I'm down to emergency public assistance, which keeps asking me to send them random documents, inconveniently one at a time. Even when I can submit them online I'm required to wait a minimum of 2-3 business days before a human can look at them. I'm trying to not be mad -- they are clearly horribly overworked -- but it also leaves me with a lot of time to do nothing but busy-wait. They've finally decided I'm destitute enough for food stamps, so now I have to sit on my hands until the card arrives in the mail.

The chronic, crushing lack of resources is not helped by (or helping) the fact that I'm just not functioning very well. I was already on the edge of disintegration when the lockdown orders hit anyway; I was taking every piece of work I could find in an effort to scrape together enough for first/last/deposit on a new apartment, and honestly that's more than I can handle. I can consistently get to about 20 hours of "stuff that can't be done while in bed, wearing pajamas" per week, with occasional spikes up to about 30, before I start losing the ability to take care of myself. I skip showers, let my living space become a complete disaster area, and go to bed without dinner because the whole process of choosing something to eat, preparing it, eating it, and cleaning up after myself is so overwhelming that I just burst into tears and don't do it. I fed the rats twice a day and cleaned their cage once or twice a week, but couldn't manage to do the same for myself.

It's difficult to explain to people the state of being physically and mentally exhausted without also being sweaty and shaky from muscle fatigue. Perhaps the single most salient example I can give is lying in bed at night and realizing I kind of vaguely needed to pee. Not like urgently -- just enough that I knew if I didn't, I'd wake up the next day with an uncomfortably full bladder. Then just lying there anyway, not because I thought suffering was noble or I deserved it or anything idiotic like that, but just because taking care of it would involve standing up, walking into another room, and initiating a new task, and I did not have the capacity to do any of those things.

If you suggest I start making a to-do list, I will sit down right now and invent a brand new Blunt Object Transfer Protocol (botp://) expressly for the purpose of punching you, personally, in the face over the goddamn internet. I will even credit you in the patent application. I will not share the licensing profits, which judging from social media right now, would be approximately all of the money on the face of the Earth. I do not need "life hacks". 

What I really need is a case worker, or possibly a babysitter, or just to have shown up at the ER about two months ago, because that is the only way I have ever found to get people to pay attention when I ask for help. Otherwise I get triaged out of sight and out of mind -- they ask if I'm suicidal, I tell them no, they tell me 'okay, here's a prescription for six Xanax and a packet of resources, go home and fix it yourself'. I'm just like, you sons of bitches, do you think I don't know how to Google things? If I could fix this on my own, I wouldn't be talking to you. Except I can't right now, because plague.

Everyone wants to fob me off on someone else. I was referred to an SSDI attorney by a friend, because frankly that's where I'm at right now. I wrote to them, specifically mentioning his name and the associate who helped him, and explained that I was basically a vegetable and I needed help applying for disability. I'm a college-educated suburban white girl, who grew up hearing her parents make rude jokes about welfare queens -- I have no idea how any of this works and I'm so broken I kept losing my place in a blanket whose pattern was literally "knit-purl-knit-purl to end of row; turn work over; repeat". Their response was "Sounds like you need some help applying for SSDI/SSI disability. Here's the website for the Boston Bar Association, good luck!" Crisis lines of both the psychiatric and financial varieties keep directing me to one of two national clearinghouse sites for social support services, both of which direct me to each other, because neither has any programs in my area.

I am trying really, really hard not to resent the ever-loving fuck out of anyone who has any sort of support system right now. One housemate has almost the exact same list of medical problems that I do, and is also completely out of work right now. She is married to the one who has a grown-up salaried WFH IT job, and will never have to worry about having a roof over her head or food in the cabinets. The single housemate has supportive family literally a five minute walk down the street; if she ever gets her feet kicked out from under her, she can stay with them temporarily while she scrambles back up. Another friend yote out to California right before lockdown to stay with his family. A local offered to help me with paperwork, then ghosted me intermittently before explaining that he was having a hard time himself right now and barely had the capacity for his own life. I have an elderly rat, no more savings, and no options.

I don't even know how I'm going to move the little I own. How do you even ask people to do that in the middle of a pandemic? If I don't have the money to move, I definitely don't have the money for a moving company, and I'm envisioning all of my community-minded friends pursing their lips in judgement and declining because like all the good people they are diligently social distancing.

I have also discovered, while hauling an empty suitcase out to Watertown and a full one back home again, that I do not cope well with face masks. It's fine if I'm not doing much, especially if I'm in a climate-controlled space like a store or the T, but as soon as I exert myself at all, I see spots. And no, it is not a matter of "just get used to it"; I have tested this by trying to wear a mask during my home workouts. It is just stuffy enough under there, and there is just enough reduction in air flow, that the world keeps going all film-grainy and dark on the sides, which I know from experience is the first step on a very short path to the Magical Land of Syncope. I had to stop during the outdoor trek and sit on the suitcase about twice a block through the commercial district, where it stayed on because there were people. This was when it was 72 whole degrees out (and the AC is generally on 74°F inside) which doesn't bode well for moving my heavy shit around in late August. 

I'm normally good at catching things at the weird-vision stage, although enough random strangers and T employees have asked me if I'm okay that I have to assume I look as ill as I feel at that point. And I have an absolutely tragic talent for talking people out of calling emergency services when I do actually keel over, but everyone is so health-panicked that I don't think it would work right now. I know what's happened and why, but I can't exactly communicate that to bystanders when I'm unconscious. As nice as EMS is, I don't feel like waking up to a round of Twenty Questions ("How many fingers am I holding up? Who's the President? Do you have a seizure disorder?"). So I just don't go out.

Alison over at Ask A Manager got a question about this the other day that suggests this is considered legitimate can't-(always-)wear-a-mask territory, and I am able to wear a mask where required in MA, which is indoors/during interactions with other people when it's actually useful, so I don't have any qualms on the scientific or legal front. I have just never been a good judge of how much potential peril/damage it's "reasonable" to put up with, and I don't have the capacity to explain myself over and over again a million times a day. 

I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of covid, I'm tired of living in a big glitzy continent-spanning banana republic, I'm tired of anxiety, I'm tired of other people carping at me to do things I can't in order to fix their anxiety for them, I'm tired of not having the space to dance, I'm tired of asking for help before things fall apart and being told 'well, come back when it is an emergency', and most of all I'm tired of this cycle where I tell myself "I'm going to stop being lazy! I'm going to put on my big-girl pants and wake up early and work 40 hours a week and support myself like an adult!" and then fail at it again because I just do not have the capacity to do that. I do not know how to make the system understand that I need some kind of support right now. 

Sorry for yet another depressing update, but that's where I am right now.

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TMI expression of my emotions below. [replies fine; *NO* reblogs]

I’m beyond the point of being able to take care of myself, and it’s been that way for years. I used to function fine living on my own, with a few quirky mistakes here and there (some friends may remember the Saga of the 3 month old Popcorn on the Floor). But now I legitimately can’t handle caring for myself in the most ESSENTIAL “keep this human running” tasks. 

Food? The refrigerator has lots of mold. I’m smart enough to subsist off things that can be microwaved (frozen vegetables, baked potatoes, etc.), done on stove top (canned soups, rice), or eaten right away (celery and peanut butter). But it means imbalanced meals with little protein and often turns into too much junk food (because it requires no cooking) ...which gives me no energy to function, obviously. And I can’t cook well, so even when I do have energy to prepare a meal, it tastes bland at best - where’s the payoff? It often turns into me skipping meals because... I’m bad at keeping food stocked - no energy to shop for food - or I feel depressed, exacerbated by the vicious cycle of no food-given energy in the first place.

Cleaning? The apartment is terrifyingly messy. Nothing is sanitary, not even the shower. I can’t access my own bed because my bedroom is piled with objects that haven’t been put away. I often trip over things. I’ll reuse dishes and clothes instead of washing. If I have an upbeat day and I clean, I’ll get part of the problem squared away, but never enough to make this place neat enough to function and be maintained. Yeah yeah, peck away a little at a time and keep it maintained, I know that’s supposed to be the trick, but it ain’t happening no matter what I do. And if a place I live in isn’t neat, it makes me feel more depressed and fidgety and unable to think clearly.

Sleeping? Well. My sleep schedule is always in flux. Currently, I’m sleeping from about 8 AM to 5 PM on a given day. Soooo I get no sunlight, either, and I’m not awake during hours when other people are awake or when most stores are open.

Physical health? Well, let’s say that I’m on several prescriptions, but because my brain is so FOGGED UP and I can’t think clearly anymore (I had such a sharp brain until my mid 20s dammit???)... and because my house is a mess... I constantly forget my pills, have no clue what they are, and am never consistent with them. The last time I took pain medication pills, I was in a desperate amount of pain, and I ummmm... overdosed pretty badly and found myself vomiting on the floor shaking for nine hours. (I LEARNED MY LESSON I AM NOT TAKING OVER PRESCRIPTION AMOUNT AGAIN). I also don’t think I’m on the right meds, either, so even if I were taking them, I don’t know how much I’d be helping myself. Let’s just say that I’m drastically overdue for asking for a diagnosis on bipolar. I want to visit a doctor, get this squared away, get help for this... but that would involve so many steps to find a doctor (I just switched health insurance), transfer my medical records, schedule an appointment, be awake at the right hours to get there, have extra money to pay for potential treatments, and lots of other steps. Which I don’t have the energy to do. Nowhere close.

Socialization? [laughter] Oh dear. Between living alone in an apartment (but I really do function better living alone because I’m such an introvert who needs My Space), living in a city where none of my friends live (most people are about 30 minutes to 2 hours away), and working remotely... I get VERY little physical social interaction.

At this point in time, I’m pretty lonely, but I’m so deprived of spoons that about the best I can do is exist in the same room as someone else. Big social events aren’t going to help me and are often too overwhelming for me to even consider attending. The little things are all I have energy for, but I need them. I want to exist in a room with someone else badly; another person in the area makes me work better, think clearer, feel happier, and express affection to them. I want nothing more than to physically curl up with someone and feel them and be with them and secure with them and listening to them and sympathizing with them and laughing with them or falling asleep on their shoulder. Can I be held? Please? Touch deprivation... yeah of course that’s going on.

Since I have so little energy, I often get behind on work. Which means that, when I *do* have energy, I have to prioritize making money. I live by myself in my own apartment; if I don’t got the money, I don’t got a place to live. And if I don’t do my job consistently, I’m at more risk for losing my job, duh. I expend ALL my existing energy on work. I don’t have time for anything else (food, hygiene, fixing my sleep schedule, socialization). It’s practical to focus my attention on the most important thing: making an income. Everything else will collapse if I don’t work.

Basic human needs are NOT being met for me anywhere. Food, cleanliness, human interactions, medical shit... I am objectively not taking care of myself. And I’m not a fucking irresponsible person who can’t handle large loads of things. This asshat graduated with four college degrees (including a graduate degree) and several minors in four years with Highest Honors in Phi Beta Kappa while working several jobs and even teaching a college course at one point - that sure as hell wasn’t lack of discipline that got me there. Sure, I’ve always been lazier on some things like cooking (I hate cooking, I’m so **BAD** at cooking, YOU eat my cooking and see if you like it). And sure, before I left for college, living with family helped me live fuller because I wasn’t taking care of me myself and I with no backup. But no period of my life was anywhere near the brain-muddled, helpless disaster zone I am now, unable to do anything ANYWHERE.

I’ve asked for help. My parents have done a lot, I’m infinitely grateful, but exactly because of that, I don’t want to put any more on them. They’re empty nesters; they don’t deserve to have this weird bag of bones they raised for nearly two decades and spent a fuckton of money on... crawl back needing nannying. As far as my friends? Either it’s people long-distance who express concerns (but can’t do what I need most because of the distance), or it’s people close-by who say they’ll do something... and NEVER follow through.

I get that we all have spoon issues. Sometimes you don’t have the energy to talk to me. Sometimes you don’t have the energy to come down and visit me, or have me visit you. But if you hear me say I need help, and say you’d like to help... and then never contact me again even when I try to contact you... because you’re so sparse replying to me... then nothing helps. Spoon issues make communication more difficult. I get that. I have that problem, too. But friendships cannot be maintained and cannot be meaningful unless you interact. I get people saying “We should hang out” or “I’d like to help” and nothing ever gets done. I’m not saying this out of the selfish “help ME help ME” - or to guilt-trip people into helping me because that’d be jackshit wrong... it’s just - if we’re all doing friendships like this, we’re just going to perpetuate loneliness and unfulfilled interactions, aren’t we??? I know lots of lonely people affected by shit like this. We need to get better about this.

Of course some of it’s on me. I have trust issues where I think that even very well-meaning loving people aren’t going to make a difference because I doubt they’ll understand me enough to get what I actually need helped. I’m a logic-oriented person and lots of my friends, precious and pure and glorious sweethearts as they are, think in more emotional ways. And I’ve noticed logic-oriented and emotion-oriented people get encouraged different ways. So I never get the help that works for my brain and needs? Not to be dismissive of the kind words people give because they do want to help, but it just feels like I’m the odd one out that they don’t understand how to help, so I’m stuck at being “unhelped”? Or people telling me, “Just appreciate what they’re trying to do because they’re helping as they can!” But it... but it DOESN’T help me!

Lots of ways people try to verbally encourage fall flat to me. “I believe in you!” changes nothing; what you think of me doesn’t make me magically able to actually do it, for fuck’s sake. The point is I can’t do it, and even if I could, you thinking I could doesn’t change shit or make the problem less difficult. Heck, “You can do it!” just makes it sound like people don’t understand and acknowledge how hard this is for me. I know other people get encouraged by things like that, but for me it’s just rubbing salt in the wound. “Things will get better!” is objectively false; life is a neutral force in how it progresses; sometimes it does get better and sometimes it doesn’t. Overly squishy stuff is too coddling and actually annoying to me. Advice tends to come off as people not having processed what I’m actually going through and telling me shit I know better than they do. I know what I need and I try to communicate it humbly because I believe communication is important to good interactions with friends, and I try to listen to others to know how I can best help them in their struggles... but it just seems like there aren’t the right people in my life to be able to get the help I objectively need. I don’t mean it to sound dismissive or selfish... I really don’t... I will be the first to jump on listening and helping to friends... I always want to be there for my friends and help THEM... and it took me years to even open up to people and admit I needed help because I didn’t want to burden them...

I’m just LEGITIMATELY stuck and in a hole I can’t get out of myself. 

If I forced myself to a near-point of breaking in exhaustion every day, I possibly could do it myself... and there’s something to say about us being determined and surviving through tough times by taking that teeth-gritting step... but I don’t feel the payoff in that, as I’m pretty depressed a lot and don’t feel like my life is going anywhere meaningful. It’s a flaw but I don’t have that determination to stick through a fuckton of really really hard life changes to climb out of this hole myself. 

It’s just... everything is a tangle. I can’t solve one issue without dealing with the other issues simultaneously. Cleaning the house to make my head clearer involves me having enough energy to clean in the first place, and the time off of work to be able to afford a cleaning day. Having enough energy to do work and then clean means eating better. Eating better means having a clean enough place to cook and store food... and more energy. Having more energy means... well... you get the point. They’re all so knotted together I can’t untie this myself in my current state of mind.

It’s pathetic, really. I know that if I had more motivation, I could potentially climb my way out of this. It’d be hard work and it’d be taskmastering, especially without taking significant work time off, but the end result would be TOTALLY worth it. I can call myself out on this lack of choice too. The most successful parts of my life were those in which I cracked down on myself and disciplined myself and got shit done. I should be doing that here, too, but I’m not. I’m letting it continue to fester for half of my days. But I keep telling myself, “It’s okay, you’ll get to laundry tomorrow, you NEED to do work to pay bills,” and such as it is, then I never get this taken care of. I keep telling myself, “You can afford to sleep in after your exhaustion, even though that means prolonging the sleep schedule fix again.” I am culpable for my own problems, too. I’m not blaming myself. I’m not guilting myself. I don’t feel blame or guilt or self-hate or anything; most else might be shit, but my self-confidence is fine. I just acknowledge this problem for what it is.

Until I get these problems solved, everything else is muted. My mental processing, muted. My ability to help all my friends with all their problems, limited. The community service and church involvement I want to get back to. My desires to work on an original novel. My desire to save up money to someday afford a house. My desire to be able to get out more and make meaningful memories with friends. All that. Instead I’m stuck in this limbo of too-tired-to-work or must-work-before-tired-again and whoops-didn’t-take-care-of-myself-today-again-huhhh.

Anyway. Rant ended. For now. 

I just really really really really really want help with this mental health struggling. And I really really really want another human to Be There and non-lonely me.

To Do or Not To Do?

Do you think that substance abuse occurs on a continuum?  Or do you think there are fundamentally different characteristics that separate substance use from substance abuse or addiction?

Hell yes, I believe a continuum exists. But before I support my statement, we need to describe/identify the difference between a person who has abuses drugs and a person who does not abuse drugs. If a person can continue a healthy lifestyle, have healthy social relationships, is not causing themselves financial hardship, and does not become ill from their usage, then I would list them as a “recreational user”. This label can change very quickly to that of “drug abuser or addict”. Let me give you a personal example.

I grew up in a small town in Iowa. Everyone was friends with everyone, but I was lucky enough to have a best friend for over 50 years from this small Iowa town. We did everything together until we were teenagers. Then my friend started dating and before I knew it, she was married and with child. In the 1970”s, it was very common for people to get married at a young age. Well, it wasn’t for me. As with most people, we each got on with our life.  Fast forward eight years and my friend returns to small town Iowa with two children and no husband. I didn’t care: my friend was back and I was happy. She and I and the children get a place together and everything was going well and then my friend explains that she needs more privacy so she has rented an apartment for herself and the children. I understand and support her.

One day you realize your friend has been acting strange for quite a while. She's hanging around with a different group of people.  Previously her friends were people she went to school with or worked with.  Now her  friends do not seem to be employed or  go to school. I noticed  she was missing a lot of work . You tried to talk to her but she's too fidgety to pay attention to you.  Then you notice how her appearance has changed.  She used to be so proud of how she looks, never a hair out of place.  Now she had a disheveled look about her and she has lost a significant amount of weight. Then one day you get a phone call that she wants to borrow money for rent. So I think to myself,  she never goes anywhere , and she never does anything with the kids,  then where does her money go.  But you're a good person and you've got extra cash and the children are involved so you loan her the money. A few days later at work , during a coffee break , you overhear some of the people talking about the different amounts of money they had loaned your friend but as of yet, there was no attempt at repayment.  If she doesn't have  money for her rent, does she have money to feed her two children?  So you go to her house before she gets off work to check on the children and see that there's very little food and the children are fending for themselves. To make a long story short ,  we converse about the situation and we decide it would be best for me to take the children home with me until the situation changes. The children come home with me, I get them registered in school and I happily raise these two beautiful children.

After a few years, information is received concerning their mother. Your friend is getting married and would like to repair the relationship with the children because she wants to get custody of them. The court returns the children to her and within 24 hours, you receive a call from the kids because “mommy is chasing the new husband down the street with a gun”. The children were back with me within two hours.  Throughout all this you continually tell her how important she is, how much she means to you, that you love her and that you're proud of her. And you do love her, you love her with all your heart but it never really seems to get better. The battle goes on for most of your life. Over time, you have learned to accept your friend but you do not trust her. The kids grow up and start families of their own. Your friend moves in with you so you can look out for her.  She does so well. She went for six years without a drink. It’s so nice to have your friend back. Then it happens: you find vodka hidden in your house. When will it end? It ended in a few days, when your daughter came in and found her deceased in her bed. Your daughter yells for you and you run in the room, where you see your friend. I then performed CPR until the paramedics arrived. Nothing I did seemed to help. She’s dead and I’m angry, heart broken, and my daughter is traumatized.  NO. NO, NO, this can’t be happening. Her daughter is getting married in 48 hours. Don’t you dare do this to her. Wake up! She is staying with you and you have been monitoring her behavior. She had stopped drinking for six years so why had she started again? But the damage was done from years and years of drinking and drugs.  You tried everything you could to fix  what was missing but nothing seemed to work.  You don't even know what was broken or if it could be fixed.  All you know is that choices that were made had a profound effect on so many people in so many ways and we're left but no answers, only questions .

This doesn't have to happen to everyone. Regular drug users do not have to progress to more harmful substances. They may be able to limit their use so that that   they are not harmed by the substance , such as drinking in moderation. Most people who consume alcohol or take drugs do not have the adverse effects and are able to stop using if they want to .

It's when a person begins to compulsively use a substance/alcohol and negative effects associated with withdrawals occur, that we should be worried. The repeated abuse of a substance is now having an effect on the person's health, social status, relationships, finances and emotional well-being. Their bodies have undergone significant chemical changes and now they require use of the drug in order to avoid the painful symptoms of abstinence. People in this stage are unable to control their drug use and they are preoccupied with the drug. It is at this stage that they may become violent, depressed,  anxious, and physically ill when they no longer have the drug.

You may not realize it but I have just discussed the continuum stages in the life of an addict ( Darare, R.,  2018).  Let me be more specific:

1. Non-use is the stage when a person makes a decision not to take the substances. This could be for personal ,health or cultural reasons.  whatever the reason,  kudos to them.

2. Experimental drug use is when the person begins to explore the world of substance abuse.  They are have limited exposure and there's no development of regular use. disconnect her because the person is curious about the drug or they may be being pressured like your friends to indulge.

3. Recreational or social use is a casual use of a drug. This experience maybe like a music event or a social event are going to a bar. The person may drink alcohol in a social setting and take cocaine sometimes or smoke marijuana sometimes but they don't do it all the time , In other words ,they need certain elements such as music or certain people to partake with.

4. The regular use of a substance is a frequent and pattern shipped occasional do a regular pattern abuse. this is when you going to notice the changes in person because the drugs are going to adversely affect them and it's going to become a parent in their appearance

5. Dependent use is  when a person compulsively uses a drug and as a result experiences the negative effects of withdrawals . These people are living on the edge.  All they do is think about where they're going to get their next fix.  They've spent all their money, they may be homeless, they sold everything they had, many turn to illegal activities to finance their habit. They become depressed, physically ill, and often violent .

These stages in my continuum do not necessarily go from one stage to the other stage. Some people will remain experimental. Some people are non-users for a lifetime.  Some people skip stages and become dependent users early in their drug use. This epedemic is not improving ( Darare).

The cost in dollars is astronomical In the United States.  Prescription opioid abuse is the most significant health problem in the United States. In addition, it is a health problem among pregnant women.  From 1992 to 2012, admissions for prescription opioid abuse increased from 2% to 28%, particularly in the south. Demographic characteristics of these pregnant opioid abusers also changed to younger, married, white, non-hispanic women, criminal justice referrals, and those with a psychiatric morbidity becoming more common. We need to see an increase in treatment centers that address the needs of these risk groups of people. It would be beneficial to include medically assisted treatment for this crisis.

According to the National Institute of drug abuse, economic estimates indicate that due to the consequences of drug abuse, 20% of the federal budget is used in this battle          ( Birnbaum, H., et al, 2011). Drug use is also correlated with crime, making the drug issue one of public health and safety. The abuse of tobacco, alcohol, prescription, and illegal drugs is economically taxing to the United States, costing approximately 137 billion in direct health care expenses . Cost estimates that include crime and lost work productivity balloon to over 600 billion dollars.

71% of Americans drink some sort of alcoholic beverage in the last year. Nearly 223 billion dollars in health care costs and lost productivity are attributed to alcohol use disorders. Alcohol related deaths are the third leading preventable cause of death in the United States: nearly 88,000 people die each year from alcohol-related causes.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and prevention,  every day in the United States, 114 people died as a result of a drug overdose and another 6748 are treated in emergency rooms for the misuse or abuse of drugs. Nearly nine out of 10 poisoning deaths are caused by drugs.(Birnbaum).

Now let's talk about lost workplace productivity.  This loss in productivity is estimated at 25.6 billion dollars in costs.  We can further break the costs to:

-  11.2 billion dollars due to premature death

-  7.9 billion dollars in lost wages

-  20 billion dollars  in treatment cost

-  1.8 billion dollars in medically-related absenteeism

-  2 billion in incarceration costs

-  Over eight hundred million dollars in excess disability

Specifically, employees with opioid abuse accounted for 64.5% and 90.1% of excess medically-related absenteeism and disability cost .( Martin, C. et al, 2014).

Then we have the health care cost.  These are somewhere over 25 billion dollars. Opioid abuse patients account for 92% of these cost.

Substance abuse treatment are 1.1 billion dollars.

Prevention abuse treatment cost 85 million dollars last year.

 69 million dollars was spent on research for effective substance abuse treatment.

We also have to remember that cost of the Criminal Justice System. Last year's tally was 5.1 billion dollars.This money was spent on: 

1. correctional facility cost

2. police protection

3. legal cost

4. lost property due to crimes committed by the addicts.

Causes of Preventable Deaths in the U.S. (2011)

This is not an over exaggeration (National institute on Drug Abuse.(n.d.). NIDA InfoFacts: The science of drug abuse and addiction. http://www.drugabuse.gov/).

The media is not blowing this problem out of proportion. Perhaps this problem has been under-reported. No one wants to believe the epidemic problem of drug abuse. People do not want to believe that this problem is in their neighborhood, that their children are susceptible to it. It is no longer a disease of the poor.  All of these contributing factors make it difficult to see a silver lining. We’d  like to hear that there is hope around the corner. We want to believe they are friends or family that are afflicted with this order can be cured. We want to believe that this is not going to happen to our family.  We want our fantasies to come true. I want a world where there is no need to use drugs,  where we are happy and do not need anything to enhance our mood,  non-addictive pain medication is developed, cancer is curable and alzheimer's disease does not exist. But that is not life.

Resources

Darare, D., The complex nature of abused substances and getting help for addiction, Journal of Positive Psychology, (2018), 4(8), 136-140.

Birnbaum, H., Whire, A., Cleveland, J., and Roland, C. (2011), Societal costs of prescription opioid abuse, dependence, and misuse in the United States, Pain Medication, 12(4), 657- 667.

Martin, C., Longinaker, N., & Terplan, M., (2014), Recent trends in treatment admissions for prescription opioid abuse during pregnancy. Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment,

(2015), 48(1), 37- 42.

National Institute on Drug Abuse. (n.d.). NIDA Infofacts: The Science of Drug Abuse and Addction. http://www.drugabuse,gov/.

Hi i am following your tumblr for few days and I’m obsessed. I scrolled through your tumblr for hours! Do you have any eating/food tips for losing a little weight?

Aww thank youdear for the love and support!I’d like toapologize for the late reply.Youdon’t need to go on a fad diet to lose fat and restrict yourself from eatingcolorful delicious foods. Eatinghealthy shouldn’t be about restriction and abstention from the food that you lovethe most. It should be about making informed choices, exercising in moderationand enacting gradual positive changes.Thebest way to lose fat is to get the right mix of nutrients and energy your bodyneeds. Keep in mind that there is one major requirement to loosing fat… a caloric deficit; a caloric deficit is what happenswhen you consume less calories than your body needs to burn for energyperforming all of the tasks it needs to perform over the course of the day (move, breathe, pump blood, digestfood, etc.).Whenthat caloric deficit is present, your body is forced to find some alternativesource of energy on your body to burn instead. Ideally, this would ONLY be yourugly stored body fat. However, it can also be your pretty lean muscle tissue –so make sure to consume nutritious protein foods.Here are some nutrition tips forlosing fat in a healthy way:

Calorie Control

As mentioned above, thebiggest factor in a diet is calories in versus calories out; your totalcalories will determine if you lose or gain weight. Eating too many calorieswill lead to fat gain. But if you don’t eat enough calories you will not gainlean muscle. Setting a target calorie intake and counting the number ofcalories you eat each day is vital to losing fat and gaining lean muscle.

Tackle hunger with fiber and protein. Don’t wait until you are sohungry that it gets hard to make smart food choices. Instead, when you start tofeel hungry, eat a small snack that combines a protein with a food that’s highin fiber, such as a whole-grain cracker with low-fat cheese. These are fillingbut not packed with calories.

That said, I’d like to point out here that I have never personallybelieved in counting calories. My philosophy is “if you eat healthy you don’thave to worry about counting calories”.  Take time to prepare healthy, colorful andnutritious meals. Don’t eat anything your grandmother wouldn’t recognize asfood. Here are some articles that elaborate on this philosophy:

Forget about counting calories, just eat healthy & right [X]

Wantto Lose Weight? You Should Stop Counting Calories [X]

TheKey to Weight Loss Is Diet Quality, Not Quantity, a New Study Finds [X]

5Reasons To Never Count Another Calorie [X]

7tips for eating healthy when you can’t count calories [X]

Here’sWhy Counting Calories Really Isn’t Necessary for Weight Loss [X]

TheMYTH of the calorie. And why I don’t count them [X]

Once I realized that my eating is aboutmy health and getting all the nutrients my body needs and not about losingweight I started ordering healthy food not because I am trying to reducecalories but because I am trying to add nutrients.

Quality Control (Stay away from processed foods)

Choose fresh, wholesomefoods over pre­packaged, processed foods. Packaged foods are loaded withpreservatives, especially sodium and saturated fats, and often have highamounts of sugars, such as high fructose corn syrup.

You will be amazed at how fast you can lose fat just by packing mealsfrom home rather than purchasing fast food or packaged foods. You also willsave a lot of money!

Limitfast food meals. Studies show that the more fast food you eat each week, thegreater the risk of gaining extra weight. So, try to limit fast food meals toonce a week or less.

Eatfewer sweets and unhealthy snacks. Candy, cookies, and cakes often have a lotof sugar and fat and not many nutrients. Learn about treats that are deliciousand nutritious.

Foodis our friend, and when we enjoy how food is meant to be enjoyed, whole, pureand unadulterated — food is our best friend. It all starts in the kitchen.“Poor nutrition is the single greatest driver of chronic ill health. Untilwe recognize that, [Medicine] will be unable to reverse the crippling burden ofchronic ill health caused by these nutritionally based diseases. Humans are theonly mammals that suffer from chronic ill health. One critic suggests it’sbecause we are the only animals clever enough to manufacture our own food andstupid enough to eat it.”- Tim Noakes on Nutrition and the damage of processed foods and poor diet.Beforemoving to the next section, I’d like to point out here a healthy diet is veryimportant for your body and skin. Your skin needs fresh air, exercise, a properdiet, minerals and vitamins.

Here are a few eating tips I’ve been gathering:

Macronutrient Manipulation

While your total caloricintake is the most important diet factor, the ratio of protein to carbs to fatcan dictate whether the weight you gain/lose is muscle or fat. A diet thatcontains 80% of calories from carbs, 10% from protein, and 10% from fat willproduce different results than a diet containing 40% of calories from carbs,40% from protein, and 20% from fat. I have posted a lot of posts about macro onmy blog over the years. Here are a few:

What Does 2,500 Calories Look Like? [X]

Figuring macros [X]

Just in caseyou are wondering what macros are:

Stay Hydrated

You should drink plenty ofwater every day. Try to drink at least eight glasses (or 64 oz.) of water perday. The benefits drinking water provides are optimal hydration as well as afeeling of “fullness” without added calories. Sometimes people will mistakethirst for hunger. Because of this, staying hydrated can also preventovereating.

Avoid sugary drinks. Try not to drink a lot of sugary sodas, energy drinks, andsports drinks. They can add a lot of calories. (There are about 10 packets ofsugar in 12 ounces of soda.) Also try not to drink a lot of fruit juice. Wateris a great choice instead. Add a piece of lemon or a splash of juice for moreflavor.

Insulin ControlInsulin is the “storage”hormone. When it is secreted fat burning is blunted. By controlling insulinsecretion by choosing low GI carbs you can decrease fat gain/increase fat loss.Stable blood sugar levels also improve energy levels and one’s mood.Essential FatsEssential fatty acids (EFAs)are vital to the proper functioning on your body. Dietary fats got a bad rapdue to the diet fads of the 80’s and 90’s, which promoted eating as little fatas possible, but in reality EFAs are needed by the body and are part of ahealthy diet. Eating fats does not equate to getting fat. In fact, most EFAshelp support the fat burning process and maintaining a lean body. Do not bescared to eat good fats. EFAs are not the enemy. Also, be sure to supplement witha QUALITY EFA product.

Adequate Protein

As mentioned above in order to maintain lean muscle whilecutting down you need to eat enough protein. You may not be used to eating enoughprotein on a daily basis, but once you get into the groove you should not haveany problems and will enjoy how full and satisfied you feel. Take a look at those amazing protein shakes I posted a while ago on my blog [X].

Final word

All that said, I could not conclude this post withoutemphasizing on How not to lose fat.  Itcan be tempting to look for a quick fix if you need to lose fat. Remember,though, that if something sounds toogood to be true, it probably is. Keep these tips in mind:

Avoid fad diets. Fad diets often allow only a few types of food. That meansyou are not getting all the nutrients you need. And these diets may cause youto lose weight for a short time, but then you likely will gain it back quickly.Learn more about faddiets .

Avoid weight-loss pills and other quick-loss products. Most weight-loss pills, drinks,supplements, and other products you can buy without a prescription have notbeen shown to work. And they can actually be very dangerous. If you arethinking about taking weight-loss pills or similar products, talk to yourdoctor first.

Don’t eat too little. Your body needs fuel to grow and be healthy. If you eatfewer than 1,600 calories each day, you may not get the nutrients you need. Anddon’t skip breakfast. Some research suggests that teens who skip breakfast aremore likely to be overweight.

Don’t try to get rid of food you eat. Some people think they can lose weightby making themselves vomit or taking laxatives (pills that make you go to thebathroom). These are very dangerous steps and signs of eatingdisorders. Your body is too precious to treatthis way, so get help if you think you may have an eating disorder.

Don’t expect to lose weight quickly. Losing about one to two pounds a weekis a healthy rate of weight loss. If you are taking extreme steps to loseweight faster, you will probably gain most or all of it back.

 I hope this will be helpful.

 Cheers,Steph 🤗

Why the iPad Mini Could Be Your Next iPhone

The problem with a company as prescriptive about what it builds as Apple is that those choices often run counter to the rest of the tech industry—a point often highlighted at events like the one it held yesterday, where it announced four variants of the iPhone 13 that feel awful similar to the ones released a year ago.

And that can leave out customers along the edges who might want an iPhone-like experience, but are holding back because of one or two specific features that Apple seems not to want to bend on.

Some people will avoid buying an iPhone because they want a device that unlocks with their fingerprint because face detection skeeves them out. Others would like to skip the annoyance of having a phone that’s incompatible with every cable they already own. And then there are others who don’t really care about having a cellular signal because they mostly use the phone in Wi-Fi environments anyway.

And strangely enough, Apple may have accidentally built a device that addresses many of these users’ concerns. They just have to think differently about how they hold the iPad Mini.

Yes, it’s being sold as a small tablet, but there is a strong case that the latest edition iPad Mini might be better appreciated as a gigantic phone.

Cost-wise, there is actually a lot to support the case for an iPad Mini becoming a phone alternative for a lot of people. One place to start is price: While the starting price of the just-announced iPad mini is $499 and does not come with cellular, if you add 5G cellular and go with the 256-gigabyte option, it ends up being the exact same price as an iPhone Mini with the exact same storage option.

Sure, the screen isn’t OLED (though Liquid Retina is quite good for an IPS-based LCD panel) and you’re giving up better cameras in exchange for the larger screen, but its feature set is quite strong for certain classes of users.

For one, folks who like security will find a lot to like about a device that has Touch ID baked in rather than something that relies on cameras. Apple has worked hard to convince the technology-buying public that Face ID is where it’s at, but concerns about its security when it counts have lingered. As a result, some people have really just wanted access to a fingerprint-based login mechanism instead, which Apple has relegated to older or low-end models.

For those that are really into security and don’t want a cellular signal at all for their communication mechanism, the new iPad Mini looks like a massive upgrade from the only other phone-adjacent device that Apple sold that this market could really use, the iPod Touch. As pointed out by the privacy-focused blog Yawnbox, the iPod Touch, last upgraded in 2019, has a processor that is extremely outdated (the A10 Fusion, which first appeared in the iPhone 7 in 2016), making it outdated against certain kinds of attacks.

But even for those who aren’t making purchasing decisions based on secure messaging needs, the sixth-generation iPad mini looks to be a great choice for those who float between multiple ecosystems. I would count myself as one of those people, using a OnePlus phone as my primary device. But I also have a variety of laptops and other devices, including e-readers, nearly all of which accept USB-C input. The fact that Apple has ignored the pleas of the industry to ditch the proprietary Lightning connectors—despite the fact that its own keynote on Tuesday let slip that USB-C is actually significantly faster at data transfer than Lightning—is unconscionable at this point, especially given the fact that the iPhone is being pitched for professional use cases.

But because the iPad ecosystem now mostly offers USB-C as its primary port, it opens the device up for opportunities to plug in high-speed devices like portable SSD drives. Thanks to the port, it’s even possible to connect a Raspberry Pi to an iPad, allowing its use as a portable development environment.

For this reason, when I made the decision to buy a mobile Apple device earlier this year, I went with a used iPad Pro—not because I wanted the screen real estate, but because I didn’t want Lightning. If the latest version of the iPad Mini was around, that would have proven a very compelling option.

So the reasons for using an iPad Mini as your next phone—you arguably get more for your money, it offers an industry-standard port, it’s potentially a great choice for secure communications, and there’s no notch—seem strong on paper. But nonetheless, there’s the potential that this could potentially get a little quirky. There are differences between iPadOS and iOS that have grown over the years, which make the experiences a little different (which can be good in some cases, such as multitasking). But this also cuts both ways. For one thing, Apple officially requires an iPhone to dial out of an iPad, though options like Google Voice exist as alternatives. But given the fact that so much communication happens outside of a phone interface anyway (and most of the phone calls you’re getting are likely robocalls), you may find that you don’t miss it so much.

Finally there are app-specific quirks. In particular, Instagram seems allergic to the idea of anyone actually using its popular social network on an iPad, only offering an awkward blown-up iPhone app equivalent for users who insist on not using a smartphone. Some, like the dialer app Sideline, specifically choose not to support the iPad. Depending on your use case, you might find yourself out of a few apps you rely on with your iPhone.

But all in all, the new iPad Mini model is looking pretty compelling for people who primarily use their phones for non-phone things, even if its large size, roughly twice that of the iPhone 13 Pro Max, makes it somewhat less pocketable.

It could be a style opportunity, if you think about it: It’s a great excuse to start wearing trench coats everywhere.

Why the iPad Mini Could Be Your Next iPhone syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

My Journey through PTSD

A more thorough explanation.  I wrote this for Deviantart and wanted to share it here, too.

Warning: The following includes descriptions of abuse against animals, children, hospital patients and suicide mentions.  If this is not safe for you to read please turn back now or skip to the TL;DR section.

 For the first time in a long time I am confident that I'm going to survive and recover from my PTSD.  I'm out of the suicide risk zone, and though my body is still struggling it's no longer life threatening.  Every day I still hurt but its significantly less, and I'm hoping with more recovery time and work I'll be able to not hurt at all one day.  As it turns out the reason my complex PTSD (info: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_… ) was so severe is that I've actually had it for ~20 years.  I grew up in an abusive household, and was essentially raised to believe I was worthless.  My father employed tactics of fear (stomping around the house, shouting at us, insulting us, and even abusing my pets on rare occasion) and my mother groomed me to be her, expressing derision when I tried to be anything different.  She also once threw a vase or bouquet at my head (I can't remember which) as a toddler.  The abuse of one of my parakeets by my father, though she thankfully didn't receive injury, lead into years of nightmares about my birds being hurt in a similar manner.  These were my first PTSD symptoms.  All of these things I was told were my fault, and I deserved it.  I didn't.  No child could.   By the time I was diagnosed I had already been partially mauled by the medical system.  I was prescribed medications based on what was in patent (so more money could be made from me) even though they were less understood and significantly less safe.  My first psych med prescription landed me in the ER twice in 12 hours.  The first time I was dismissed as someone seeking drugs, despite not having any record criminal or otherwise.  When I came back in they had to test me for heart damage.  Things didn't improve with a diagnosis; it took two years and three psychiatrists to start any kind of appropriate treatment.  My first psychiatrist didn't do any kind of evaluation, handed me a list of drugs to chose from, and then abandoned me and all of his other patients with no warning or instruction.  The next psychiatrist I found was obsessed with his own methods, scorning mainstream 'modern' medicine for an endless trial of quackery, lifestyle changes, and medications that did little to help me or caused harm.  He also would have my spouse, who is not medically trained, research and present medications to him for me to try.  This is part of how I ended up in the ER several times over this last winter.     And let me tell you, the ER is an unkind place to the mentally ill.  Also to people with chronic pain issues, and to anyone who happens to have a uterus or identifies as female.  (I'm not a transwoman but I've heard plenty about how the medical industry treats them, not to mention women of color.)  When I tried to kill myself by jumping off a bridge (I was stopped before I jumped) last summer I was taken by ambulance to an ER.  I came in crying, terrified, and having one hell of a panic attack.  Their response was to treat me like a violent criminal.  The staff got aggressive quickly as I cried in a corner of the room I was escorted to, and forced me under threat of being forcibly stripped by a group of strangers (including armed men) to surrender most of my clothing in lieu of scrubs.  Because "You could be hiding a bomb in there".  That is what I was told by a nurse.  They then trapped me in that room for the next twelve hours, and refused to treat the extreme physical pain that came from the physical symptoms of my PTSD.  Additionally they took all of the medicine I had with me so I couldn't take care of myself, and someone helped themselves to some of my pills before they were returned.   This was certainly the most egregious example of abuse I endured in various hospitals and clinics, but it was hardly an isolated incident.  To make matters worse when the hospital I was going to couldn't find an easy explanation for the the severe pain I was experiencing after a few tests they just dumped me back out onto the street.  Even after I was kept overnight for observation hooked up with a special heart monitor because my pulse was high and irregular.  My current psychiatrist (who used to be a manager at a Providence hospital) is still concerned about my heart, and I may need to see a cardiologist.  Even though I still was struggling to eat or sleep, and was still in agony.  I have learned not to go to the hospital unless I think I may die.  It's not worth it otherwise.   Having to fight the medical system alongside the PTSD (and my insurance company constantly harassing me) was bad enough, but I also had to fight my family and friends.  I received very little support from them, regardless of how close we were or how I had supported them in the past.  And reaching out to them was an exercise in frustration at best.  No one wanted to listen.  And recently I found out a couple of family members/friends had labeled my PTSD and related issues as 'drama'.  That they 'didn't have time for'.  These were the same family members that when I wrote about how I was abused at the ER on my blog called me to tell me to delete the post.  If that wasn't bad enough I recently found out that part of their motivation was a belief that I was lying, just exaggerating and being 'dramatic' about what happened.  I'm baffled.  I'm not a dishonest person.  Worst of all nobody asked if I was okay.  After that I stopped expressing myself even online, and became extremely socially isolated.  Trying to reach out to people or express myself was too stressful.  Outside of healthcare providers I didn't see anyone outside of my spouse and his parents, and only had one remaining friend (an online pen-pal) to talk to.   This journal is not a call to action.  I'm explaining what happened to me as a way of striking out at the voice inside of me, formed from the years of abuse, that tells me I deserve this abuse.  Because I didn't deserve this.  No one deserves this.   No child deserves to be blamed for the decisions their parents made for them.  No child deserves being raised by parents who made their resentment known to them about the financial burden of their upbringing.  No child should come to feel guilty for the crime of being born, a miracle of survival that shouldn't be turned into a screwed up curse.  I no longer speak to my parents.  That line was drawn for my own safety, the safety of my new family, of my pets and my husband.  Speaking up about the abuse they inflicted on me is my way of holding them accountable for their decisions.     No family member deserves to have others in the family believe their illness to be a lie, to be told that their experiences aren't true.  Family shouldn't gaslight (info: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslight…) family.  It's classified as abuse for a reason.  I've needed to come out about what happened to me to process it and make it through, and for the past several months I've been too anxious to do so.  Partly because of how some of the members of my new family (who I also thought were my friends) have gaslighted me, but also because I have a severe anxiety disorder that required medical intervention beyond my old psychiatrist's insistence I increase my magnesium supplement intake.  Fortunately after I dumped him I found a competent, but difficult psychiatrist.  She knows her medicines well, is frank about what she thinks of each medication, and recommended me the tried and true standard for treating depression and anxiety disorders.  Yep, Prozac.  Between that and continued therapy (EMDR specifically, which you can read about here www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/ ) I'm starting to recover in earnest.  My pain issues thankfully are being addressed between a specialty pain clinic and my medications.  Fortunately they were able to stumble upon what was actually hurting me; muscle spasms, a common PTSD symptom. I'm working on physical therapy to recover and prevent further pain.  These treatments and my own endurance have gotten me to this point, and I'm proud to say that.  But I'm crushed that I had to fight through friends and family to get here, alongside the medical industry as a whole.  When I first realized I was sick and made a journal about it, someone asked me if I'd write about my experiences in the medical health system.  I didn't realize at the time why.  Now I do. They asked my opinion, so here it is: the mental health system is broken.  I was made significantly worse, to the point of nearly having a stroke (to quote my psychiatrist after I described my last trip to the ER) and likely nearly having died several times.  And having tried to take my life several times.  All of it was unnecessary.  A large part of my suicidal ideation issues were merely the result of a lack of medical treatment.  This part of why I'm working with deathstroke50 to leave the USA and move to Britain.  Its hardly a perfect place, but we think we'll be happier there.  And as it turns out the UK not only has a very informative website about PTSD (www.ptsduk.org/) but their standard treatment to try upon diagnosis is EMDR therapy alongside Prozac.  Great.  Only took me two hellish years and several near death experiences to get there.   TL;DR I've been through some shit.  Honestly I'm surprised I'm alive, after being repeatedly kicked while I was down by the medical system and a few of my family and friends.  But I'm making changes in my life and getting better quickly.  Also I'm trying to move to the UK.  With me luck please~

Things are getting worse.

Ex roommate may have been exposed to covid

The government is cutting the pandemic relief I get for being disabled in half. Which is harrowing because this is supposed to be the political party that does more for vulnerable people than the others. So I can only imagine how much worse the others would have made it.

So I now make less than minimum wage again

My friend can't drive his car in the cold because the defrost isn't working

Everything is going to shit. Because of this stupid ass horrible month.

So my plans to send letters/penpal stuff and get craft supplies and do pretty much anything that can't be done through eBay or skip the dishes in my bedroom using the internet is cancelled until further notice.

I am stressed to hell and back. I have tried to be a good boy and a responsible boy and this entire stupid fucked up society has just gone and supplexed me into a wall.

I was starting to actually handle money properly and be responsible and for the first time ever I had money left over at the end of the month.

RIP not now lmao

I am so glad I got my computer earlier this year. The only thing I can do is digital now. We're really in the thick of things.

I know I say I hate YouTubers and hate internet celebrities but I seriously might sell myself out and try to do the networking game. Kiss Nintendo's ass enough and maybe they'll give me money. I'm only partially joking. I don't know what else I'm honestly supposed to do. My health has tanked too much to even consider selling my art, and I haven't been able to write in so long that freelance stuff is just NO.

Feasibly I could try to get back into video editing but that also requires networking with YouTubers and such. Plus it's still a struggle for me to stay upright and actually work on shit.

You know this year I've become fans of a few YouTubers again maybe it's not the end of the world.

God.

I joked about starting a minecraft series due to the pandemic guess I'm gonna.

I don't even know if I'll be able to get my prescription tomorrow or go to my doctor the day after.

So so stressed.

This was supposed to be the Summer of Spot

I was 35 when I discovered I'm on the autism spectrum. Here's how it changed my life. by Zack Smith on January 29, 2016

"Do you hate crowds, especially at supermarkets and restaurants?" I avoided eye contact, which I knew I wasn't supposed to do. "Yes." If Dr. P. noticed, she was too busy looking at the questionnaire to let on. "Do you tend to repeat heard words, parts of words, or TV commercials?" I immediately flashed back to middle school, randomly repeating such phrases from TV as, "I don't think so, Tim," from Home Improvement. I was tempted to respond that way this time. Instead, I just replied with another, "Yes." "Do you have trouble sustaining conversations?" "Yes." "Is your voice often louder than the situation requires?" "Yes." "Do you find yourself resistant to change?" "Yes." "Do you have restricted interests, like watching the same video over and over?" "Yes." "Did you start reading and/or memorizing books at an early age?" Eye contact suddenly became much, much easier. "Wait — isn't that a good thing?" "It is. But did you do that?" I went back to boring a hole in the carpet with my eyes. "Yes." "Have you ever picked up and smelled random objects, like toys when you were younger?" "That's a sign?" "Sometimes. Did you do that?" "...yes." I wanted to puke. After a few more questions, she did some totaling. "Well," she finally said, "it's likely you have ADHD and social anxiety disorder, and you're on the autism spectrum." I slumped back into the overstuffed chair. "Great," I said. "Triple threat." I was 35 years old. There are, according to the Autism Society of America, 3.5 million Americans with autism spectrum disorder, approximately one in every 68 births. Based on reports compiled by the Society, the prevalence of autism has increased 119.4 percent just from 2010 to 2014. Courtesy of Lydia Brown and the Autism Self-Advocacy Network We’ve called autism a disease for decades. We were wrong. The research linking autism to vaccines is even more bogus than you think The errors — and revelations — in two major new books about autism It's not that more autistic people were suddenly being born. It's that doctors knew what to look for. A Danish study published in January 2015 suggests that diagnoses of autism are more frequent because of a broadening of diagnostic criteria over the years, meaning there could be generations of people with autism spectrum disorder who were never diagnosed. I knew, on some level, that I was autistic by the time I was in fifth grade. It wasn't because of Oscar winner and box office sensation Rain Man, which I was too young for; it was, of all things, a Baby-Sitters Club book called Kristy and the Secret of Susan, where one of the babysitters tends to an autistic girl. I don't recall all the details, but I do remember reading the book and asking my mom if I was like this, if it was why I needed "curriculum assistance" classes or why I'd been pulled from preschool and sent to "Project Enlightenment," an ultra-structured children's program downtown. Mom assured me I was not like that. Susan never spoke, and that wasn't me, was it? I moved on. I was already neurotic about reading "girls' books." By the time I reached college in the late 1990s, a new term had become a buzzword: Asperger's syndrome. I wondered if that was what I had. It explained so much — the obsessive memorizing of TV show trivia, the absolute discomfort at bars, clubs, and parties, the way I'd tune out most classes or social situations. Again, I was assured by my parents and friends who knew people with autism — that wasn't me. I had empathy! And I was doing well in school, I just needed to relax a little. In retrospect, they seemed more worried about how worked up I was over this than the possibility of an actual diagnosis. There's a stigma attached to autism that leads many families to avoid a diagnosis. But in attempting to diagnose yourself, it can feel like the things that make you unique are aspects of some sort of affliction, one that is permanent and incurable. A few years later, a good friend of mine was diagnosed with Asperger's. Then he told me he thought I exhibited some symptoms as well. I freaked. I had finally started to feel "normal." I had a job, I was finally comfortable with things like driving and calling up strangers for interviews — I was just a "late bloomer!" I broke down and told him I still cared about him, that I didn't see him differently, but that I didn't have what he had! I was finally growing up, I said. I didn't have some incurable disorder that separated me from everyone else. But I worried. Friends didn't quite know what to say when I brought up the possibility, often in tears and just short of hysterics. "You're just you," they'd say. Mom and Dad were practical: "Well, what if you are? What good does it do you to put a label on yourself?" They weren't being mean. They reminded me, over and over, that I was "doing well." They'd already seen me fall into periods of depression and nonproductivity when I was out of school and out of work, and didn't want me to return to that place. I'd pulled myself out of those spirals before they became too serious. But if a doctor told me I'd never be "normal," that my strangeness was something pathological, would that be the excuse I needed to turn into a complete lump? I was just one of those people who did "better" when I was busy, when I had structure. I just needed motivation. That was all. Eight more years passed. Asperger's became a fear, a phantom, and most of all an excuse. The idea that I might have this "condition" lurked in my mind. It was why I messed up, the nuclear option. If someone got upset with me because I didn't understand something or missed some hints they were trying to give me, I had, "Uh, I might have Asperger's" ready. It broke up at least one relationship. It prevented several more from happening. I was in a strange place. By that time, I'd made good connections — even friendships — with a wide variety of creative people. But other parts of my life felt paralyzed. My creative work was stalling. Setting and keeping any kind of schedule for myself resulted in overstuffed calendars and quick burnout. There were all the times I'd walk away from an encounter with someone new with the overwhelming feeling I'd done something wrong and had no idea what it was. If someone did get mad at me, I'd obsess over it, frozen in a moment of shame and self-hatred long after the other person had let it go. If I could succeed without the pills, that was proof that I'd "won"I considered therapy. But good cognitive therapists were expensive, and it seemed wasteful to potentially drain what little money I'd saved trying to quell what I told myself were such minor neuroses. Surely I could just power through my own problems. In the past, times like these usually ended when I had enough work — school, employment, personal projects — to keep my mind busy, unable to obsess over small things and let myself get "nibbled to death by ducks," as one editor put it. Ultimately, I persuaded my doctor to prescribe me some generic Zoloft. My parents were terrified I was going to have the miscellaneous "suicidal thoughts" the prescription warned about. I didn't, but it was a mixed bag. On the one hand, I felt a bit calmer and had more luck with work and dating. On the other hand, I still faced problems with depression, falling asleep in the middle of the day, keeping an irregular schedule. I'd been dieting for the past year and change, but now I had trouble taking and keeping weight off. Worst of all was that I couldn't feel excited on almost any level — I'd sit through TV shows and movies like a stone. I rarely felt attracted to girls. When I kissed one, it was like kissing my own hand. There was no sensation, just motions. Zoloft, it seemed, could get me a second date but didn't make me a lot of fun on the third. I started skipping pills or going off my prescription for a while entirely, saving a month's refill so I could use it if I knew I had a stressful period coming up. Inside my brain, the relief at not having to face "judgment" was twisted up with self-hatred and fear, along with a perverse sense of defiance. If I could succeed without the pills, that was proof that I'd "won." When I went off the stuff, it felt like second puberty — I'd go from clean-shaven to Wolfman Jack in a week. I felt excited again. I also felt like I was on a toboggan, headed down a snowy hill, accelerating faster and faster toward a brick wall. And I couldn't get off, because I liked the feel of the rush. Cleaning out my email folder, or seeing old social media posts on Timehop, it's amazing how many times I made the same complaint over and over: I needed to get something finished, or I needed a new project. I needed to get out of the house more, to spend more time around people, to stop being so hard on myself. Something needed to change in my life, or I needed to change in some way. I said so over and over, but I didn't know how. 10 things I want to teach my autistic son before he goes to college In January 2015, I started what I knew was going to be a stressful period. I was teaching a volunteer course for retirees once a week, taking a graduate course twice a week, and taking shifts at a used toy shop other days of the week, on top of my freelance writing and creative work. It was a lot, but I knew I could handle it. It took exactly two weeks for it all to collapse. Exactly one year ago today, I showed up for a shift at the used toy shop and was promptly fired. I'd been there two years, I was told, and still had no sense of what to do when they didn't explicitly tell me. I had all these other gigs writing and teaching, they said, and this clearly wasn't a priority. Worst of all, customers had complained: They preferred not to come in when I was behind the counter, ready to chat their heads off. Fridays, when I worked, used to guarantee the company a few hundred dollars of retail at least, and now there were records of multiple Fridays with no sales at all. I was costing my boss money because people didn't want to be around me. I'd failed at what was a fairly easy job because I was me. Because I wasn't fit to be around other people. My parents were due to arrive for a visit in two hours. I went home and felt all the symptoms that had hit me in the past take over: crying jags, nausea, coughing fits. I knew I wasn't sick; these symptoms were all in my head. But I didn't know how to turn them off. When my mom and dad arrived, they were understanding. But I told them I couldn't go on like this. I needed to get therapy and get on medication again, this time prescribed by a mental health professional. Research was done. Dr. P. was recommended as a specialist in the area, good at diagnosing spectrum disorders and helping people organize their lives. A few weeks later, I was answering questions about whether I picked up and smelled toys as a child. Decades after I'd begun diagnosing myself, it was official. But somehow I didn't feel "labeled." That sense that I was "wrong," that I was somehow deficient, wasn't there anymore. Instead, I finally understood the areas where I had problems, and why I had those problems. Now I could work on them. The psychiatrist Dr. P. sent me to said that we could try Strattera, the ADD medication I'd attempted in college, in conjunction with Prozac. Tony Soprano and "Here comes the Pro-Zack" jokes flashed through my head. The insurance company rejected Strattera, but they told the psychiatrist I could do Adderall and see if it worked. "If you have a bad reaction, we can apply for Strattera again!" the psychiatrist said, cheerful. It was a lovely thing to know I was taking a medication with the expectation that I would have a bad reaction to it, but it turned out I didn't. I could listen without feeling an absolute, overwhelming need to blurt something outThe first month was rough. I'd wake up throughout the night, an odd change from wanting to sleep all day. Instead of eating whenever I got stressed or anxious, I wasn't hungry, something I wouldn't realize until early afternoon, when the dizzy spells kicked in. For the first time in who knows how long, I found myself doing things like getting up at the same time every day and eating breakfast. Weird. Other things stuck around. The nervous coughing fits I developed with my firing continued, but a friend noted that they seemed to vanish when something held my attention. When they happened again, I'd find something to focus on, like a song or a TV show or something to read. Eventually they vanished, and when I would cough nervously about something I found I could overcome it right away. Little things became easier, too. Arguments with other people didn't stay in my head months after the issue had been resolved, reminders that I could push other people away. I started dating more, and if it didn't work out, I was able to move on with some new understanding. Errands were done. Garbage got taken out. Annoying forms were filled out, instead of lingering on my desk for months. If I had a weekend with some downtime, I felt an actual compulsion to leave the house or call a friend, instead of simply sitting around. Within a few months, I realized that while I still didn't feel the excitement I could with no medication, I could still enjoy things. I could follow the plots of movies and TV more easily, and when other people spoke, I could listen without feeling an absolute, overwhelming need to blurt something out. I asked Dr. P. what this feeling was. She said I was "content." I kind of liked that. The strangest part of all this has been that being honest about my autism has left other people unfazed. It'd come up, probably because I found some excuse in the conversation to mention it ("Oh, I know what you mean about hating small talk. I'm a little on the spectrum, so..."), and there'd barely be a reaction. I'd watch people's faces. No surprise. No discomfort. And the conversation would go on. Admitting that there were things I didn't understand somehow created a new common ground. No one fully understands everyone else, or the world around them. Many people try to do what I did and "power through" this with false confidence and assertiveness. Sometimes it works. But to know you have a weakness, to acknowledge it, and to treat it as a "what the hell" thing —that's almost more powerful. For most of my life, I'd been afraid discovering I was on the spectrum meant I was cut off from being able to maintain friendships, professional contacts, a romantic connection. It was the wall I was always afraid I was headed toward. But the real wall was my fear, of facing not what I was but who I was. And my parents had been right — I was doing well before. I just needed to find a way to let myself enjoy my successes and build upon them, instead of feeling like defeat was inevitable. In the end, 2015 was perhaps the best year of my life. It wasn't the major stuff — the new job I got teaching, getting accepted full time into the graduate program — it was just that I was able to feel a sense of momentum, of moving forward. Part of me wishes I'd had this happen a decade before. But the experiences I had without therapy and medication helped prepare me for the setbacks I faced, and granted me the maturity to face them. My story isn't typical. The autism spectrum is a broad and constantly redefined place, a frontier of the mind that's still mostly wilderness. The revised definitions of it in the DSM-5just a few years ago are still controversial — it's both easier to diagnose aspects of the spectrum in people and more difficult to determine if a formal diagnosis is necessary, if it's even a "problem." In my experiences I had the benefit of privilege, and of personal choice. No one forced me to get diagnosed or to take medication. I simply reached a point in my life where I felt like I could become a better version of myself if I confronted the areas of my life that seemed to hold me back. I can't say that my life is perfect. I have a great deal I need to accomplish in terms of better dieting, regular exercise, and being more productive in my writing. Some anxieties still hijack my brain, and dating and relationships remain, as they do for most single people, confusing. But I feel like I've learned. And I'm still learning. Learning is all about realizing possibilities in the world around you, and right now those possibilities seem extraordinary. In August 2015, Dr. P explained, slowly and with caution, that she was moving out of state to join a new practice and to be closer to family, so I'd need to change therapists, and that she'd help with the transition. She was relieved when my main reaction was to tell her I understood and congratulate her on the new opportunity. She called me a "success story." "A few months ago, you might have felt ... destroyed by upheaval," she said. "Things change," I replied, and I meant it.

   The first snowfall of the year came relatively early, even for Scotland. It was, after all, only around the start of October, and the sudden drop in temperature gave the students little time to enjoy the Autumn preparations Hogwarts had underwent. Headmistress McGonagall assured everyone that the snow would melt; that it was temporary, somewhat of a fluke in the weather; but the blanket of white that covered the Hogwarts grounds gave Theo an idea for the setting of her idea, one that required her to pull some strings and swallow her pride.

   Truth be told, Theo had ( underestimated ) Philip's Healer abilities until she was put under his care. He was as efficient as Madame Pomfrey when it came to prescriptions and excercises, so much that Theo was allowed to take off her cast only a few days after getting out of the Hospital Wing. Philip's effort and dedication was admirable, and although Theo had already thanked him, she felt like words were simply not enough— especially with how her rudeness seemed to have closed him up again. Theo wasn't sure why she was bothered by his secludedness. Nonetheless, she braved Headmistress McGonagall's office when Philip wasn't looking over her, and plotted out her offer.

   It was a simple plan, really, that required only the most innate of her house traits— cunningness and resourcefulness— and although Headmistress McGonagall didn't look convinced, Theo got her go signal for the nearest Monday anyway. She had it all set soon enough: consent forms, extra money, Floo powder. And so when she had finally convinced Philip to skip his morning class and dress up snugly instead; and when she got him through the Floo Network without hinting where they were heading; and when they landed in The Three Broomsticks' fire place, now run by Madam Rosmerta's children; Theo found that she hadn't really thought through that Hogsemade would have significantly more snow, not being under the protective spell of Hogwarts.

   "Well, at least we're sort of dressed for the occassion." Theo said comically as she peeked out at the little thatched cottages and shops of the village. The snow was about an inch or two deep, covering establishments with a layer of white; a tinge of guilt tugged at Theo for bringing out Philip in such weather. "I wanted us to do something nice for a change," she admitted to Philip, trying to disguise the distraught in her voice. "And. . . some sort of thank you as well for taking care of me. McGonagall let us out even though it's a weekday under premise of responsibility, but I thought it would be lovely to not have to. . . HATE each other for a moment, y'know? Away from everyone else." Theo tucked her hair behind her ears, feeling slightly defeated at the dreariness of their conditions. "We can go back to school, if you want."

How To Pull A Nancy Drew

By someone who hasn’t done it yet.... but this is my life’s work.

It’s under the cut because it’s really fucking long.

Step 1A: the most important step: realize taking the traditional route isn’t making you happy.

         You can’t be Nancy if you want stability or want to go on to grad/professional school or if you are excited about your new job and want to jump right into it—it won’t be good for you. I’m doing my post-grad-family-disappointment-vagabond-journey because I hate school and I’m so burnt out I haven’t gone to a full week of class at all this semester. This is the right choice for me, and I know this because I’ve been traveling while I’m in school and realize it’s when I’m happiest. If this isn’t true for you, don’t do something like not accept your grad school offer or turn down a grown-up job. What I’m saying is: don’t do anything you’re going to regret. Pulling a Nancy Drew is still kind of a commitment. It’s one you can get out of pretty easily, but you might have to wait a while to get into the next stage of your life.

The entire point of doing this is to make yourself happy. Only take trips or internships or jobs that make you happy. Don’t do it if it’s going to make you unhappy.

 Step 1B: Finish your semester/year/graduate.

         This is important. Don’t just drop out of school. If you can hold out until you actually graduate, do it: then you’ll have your degree for when you decide to stop being a figurative leaf in the wind, and you can use it to get a real job. Also, some of volunternships require a 4-year degree, and they are one way to start doing what Nancy does. And, if you’d prefer real office work, you have to either be in college or have recently graduated to get traditional internships.

 Step 2: Get a job.

         If you’re still in college, only do this if you can work while you’re in school. If you’re out, then no offense, but you should’ve been doing something already.

         The job you get is going to be crappy and not pay very well, but it is going to pay, and it’s going to be one that lets you take time off easily. I’m a server. I make pretty decent money because, not to brag, but I’m pretty good at it. I don’t have a limit on how much time I’m allowed to take off and if I feel like I’m not making enough I can pick up more shifts. More importantly, I like my job and I like everyone I work with. If you hate yours or you’re bad at it, find a new job. I realize that might sound a little “trickle-down economics”… my point is: just make sure you’re working and you don’t hate it. All of this is a personal thing, so do what works best for you. When I was in high school I worked at Zaxby’s to support my travel habit. One of my close friends was a lifeguard. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as you don’t want to rip your face off when you walk into work and they let you take time off to travel.

 Step 3: Stop buying stuff.

         If you start reading this Step 3 and thenthink, “I already don’t buy stuff, this is really condescending, I still don’t have any money” then just skip it. My feelings won’t be hurt.

         “Stop buying stuff? Easier said than done” you might say. I don’t.

         You have to pay your rent, or for car repairs, or for your prescriptions, or for a new pair of contacts. I get that. You have to buy food, too. That’s not “stuff”. Those are necessities.

         “Stuff” is like, a thirtieth skincare product that still smells weird and still doesn’t make you look like Jennifer Aniston. “Stuff” is, for me, a millionth pair of lacy underwear to shove in the overflowing drawer. More craft supplies that I don’t use. Another freaking mug when I have so many I can’t close my cabinet. If you can figure out what Minette means by “stuff”, you can figure out what “stuff” means for you. Maybe it’s socks or razors or DVDs. Figure it out and stop buying it.

         I get it, stuff is pretty, and buying it feels nice and can occasionally work to prove to yourself that you’re an adult on a day you really need convincing. But it’s a temporary high! I can’t help you combat impulse buys (I still deal with it myself. I’m writing this and thinking of the 8—yes eight­—candles I bought from Family Dollar yesterday for no reason other than ~aesthetic~ when I read at night, because I’m a hypocrite and a whore) but I can help you find cheaper shit. Use discount cards, buy things when there’s a sale, go to secondhand stores for books and clothes and furniture, when you get new clothes make sure you can wear them in more than one outfit.

         I realize you probably already know all of these things. Stop Buying Stuff is probably one of the harder things to master, but you can do it. Do it in your own way. Or if you can’t, read one of the millions of Pinterest articles written by blog moms about saving money. I had to stop writing this step because I started sounding like them, which I never want to do.

TL;DR: A lot of times it feels like what I’m buying is a necessity, but it isn’t. Just be aware of what you’re buying, and don’t get it if it isn’t going to change your life.

 Step 4: Where you gonna live while you’re being a bum?

         At this moment in time, I live by myself in a sweet-ass apartment. I only have one very quiet neighbor, I use piles of books as furniture and my bedroom consists of a mattress on the floor, one lonely dresser, and a milk-crate as a bedside table. I love living by myself. But after I graduate, when the loan that I use for my housing runs out, am I gonna be able to stay here? Maybe not.

         The reasons I probably won’t be able to stay in my apartment after August, when my lease runs out: my heating bill in the winter is insane and I won’t be able to afford it. I would be paying rent on a place I’ll be away from for weeks or months. I’ll have to repay the aforementioned loan, on top of making travel arrangements. If this sounds like you, you might have to make the hard decision to leave your home sweet apartment too.

Option one: move back home. I’m lucky enough to have a good enough relationship with my family, and for my dad to have a house big enough, for me to move in with him later if I want to. It would be the cheapest option, and I know I would get along with my roommates (i.e., my dad and my dog). Living with your parents isn’t sexy, but if your life is going to look like a cycle of working nonstop for a month and then leaving the country for a few, it’s the most pragmatic. Also, Nancy Drew still lives at home, and that’s really what this is all about.

         Option two is to find some roommates. Living with someone means you still have rent and utilities to pay, but it’s much cheaper than living on your own, and you know someone will be at your house while you’re off gallivanting around the world. Make sure you like your roommates: I have had terrible experience with roommates and at this given moment, there is only one person I would actually consider moving in with—and it would cut down on my living expenses.

         Of course, there are other fluke options that you personally might have. If they sound good, take them. Remember, this entire thing is just guidelines, about how I’m going to pull a Nancy—if you want to do this too, do it your own way!

         Also, very importantly, your living arrangements depend on what kind of traveling you’re going to do. Want to teach English in Japan? Great, but that’ll probably last six months to a year. Want to take a road trip out West? Cool, is it a two week road trip or a month-long one? Maybe you just want to live at the beach or in a state park for a week. Do it. If you want to backpack New Zealand you could do it in two weeks, but that plane ticket is going to be hella expensive, and you need to make sure your bills are covered while you’re being a world traveler.

 Step 5: The best step: Start planning your trips.

         This, obviously, is completely up to you. If you do want to do things exactly like Nancy does, you’ll probably take a lot of internships. For the record, the way she lives her life is completely unrealistic, because she has absolutely no experience or direction and yet they just appear for her, and I’m jealously annoyed by that.

         Trips vary in length and expenses. I recommend picking one and sticking with it. I also heavily advocate doing something like, having a work-travel-work cycle—basically you just come home to work. That’s my plan, anyway. Also, don’t forget that there’s probably cool things to do near your hometown, and you can do those things while you’re there.

         If you’re afraid your degree is worthless without grad school, fear not! I’m here to tell you it isn’t. I feel confident telling you that because my degree is in anthropology, the mother of all useless degrees, and yet I have never been afraid about finding a job. When I realized I didn’t want to go to med school, I honestly just typed “anthropology degree jobs” into the indeed.com search bar and a million different jobs came up. Do that with your degree and I’m sure you’ll find a bunch of things to do with it. Also, there are several entry-level jobs that just require a degree—any degree. Indeed and Monster are also decent ways to find internships, if you’re looking for them. Anyway:

 Traditional Internship finders:

http://www.internshipfinder.com/

https://www.looksharp.com/s/summer-internships

http://www.internships.com/

http://www.idealist.org/ ß for nonprofit/humanitarian/volunteer-esque types of internships or real jobs. This one is actually a site I use a lot.

(if these don’t make you happy, use google)

 Short, fun, pay-your-own-way Volunteer trips:

http://www.himalayanhealth.com/ (India; I did this in the summer of 2014 and loved it, it’s an awesome program and you learn a lot while you’re there working in public health camps)

http://www.habitat.org/volunteer/long-term-opportunities/international (habitat for Humanity abroad--this is not a short trip, be warned)

https://www.volunteerforever.com/article_post/2016-best-volunteer-abroad-programs-organizations-projects (to help you decide because I don’t want to read 900 articles for this one blog post)

 Et Cetera:

https://www.internationalteflacademy.com/blog/bid/51364/top-5-countries-to-make-the-most-money-teaching-english-overseas (about teaching English overseas a la Shadow at the Water’s Edge; there are several programs for this so… do your research)

http://wwoof.net/ (volunteering on farms in almost every country; a family friend did this and now speaks fluent Italian. there is an incredibly strong possibility that I will go WWOOFing in the near future)

https://www.peacecorps.gov/ (can’t forget the peace corps exists)

https://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/americorps (the peace corps’ domestic sibling, if you want to volunteer but want to stay in the states)

 There are plenty of other very cool programs for pretty much anywhere you want to go. Pick a place and then use your google (that’s basically how I plan my trips).

ALSO, you can take trips just to take trips. This is generally what I personally do, except for the times I took study abroad trips in college. I’m also very about traveling domestically—these are generally cheaper trips and there’s a lot of cool stuff to see in the US. If you already have a road trip buddy, hold on to them tight.

If you’re a road tripper, you should look at how to turn your car into a camper. It can be done with almost any car (except, like, a miata, obviously). I have a pathfinder and I’m going to convert it and just leave it that way so that I can go camping at the drop of a hat—but the conversions are really simple and if you just want to convert it for a trip and then put it back , you can.

 Other parting thoughts:

·        If you can supplement your income by doing something creative, selling stuff, doing any type of freelancing, etc: do it.

·        Paying for parking is for chumps.

·        You don’t need to own more than one pair of sweatpants.

·        Nancy always sounds really put together, but the reality of being a travel bum is that you’re going to be a grungy person for a while. It’s fine, because the people around you are also grungy, and really all of you are just there to have a good time.

·        I cannot stress how much you don’t need a closetful of clothes.

·        When packing for anything, try to be able to fit it all into a carry-on size bag. Checking bags is also for chumps.

·        Get and use good soft-sided luggage, like a duffle or a frame-pack. Suitcases are real cutesy but they end up taking up a lot of space and are hard to navigate with.

·        As much as I just rambled about not spending money, there are some things you should splurge for. These are: good quality versatile shoes (I love Chacos, personally), good luggage, a reusable water bottle and/or travel mug that’s going to last you, a portable charger for when there are no outlets, et cetera. But if you spend money on these things, you can’t spend money on stuff, because you’ll run out of money. Ps—you can find decent luggage at a thrift store. I bought a Kelty frame pack at a flea marker for $12. It doesn’t have to be expensive to be good.

·        If you’re a road tripper and love camping, look into getting a pass for all the state parks in your state. If you like other things, like amusement parks, look into getting a season pass (the Carowinds family of amusement parks goes all the way up the East Coast, for instance, and there’s some kind of season pass you can get that lets you into all of them).

 That’s all I have for right now. I’m sorry it took so long for me to make this (and that it’s such a long post) but I’m glad I finally did it! Feel free to message me for anything, especially if you have questions. I’m not sure if this is as clear as I want it to be, but here’s to hoping.

Yuri!!! on Ice Fanfic Research Resources (mostly English)

 for my own records primarily, but worth sharing. I make no warranties about the sustained validity of the following. And this is not a prescriptive list, but a “try this if you need to answer a question” list. I’m not an expert in these areas or I wouldn’t have had to look them up. Everything I know about YOI I learned from the internet. 

Directly related to the show itself

1. Crunchyroll YOI sub 2. Funimation YOI dub 3. Wikia

Language resources (probably best on an actual computer)

1. Google Translate 2. In the Chrome browser, automatic translation of many languages is available. USE IT for many of the following links. Get Chrome 3. Search for the *phrase* you want and the language, and skip past the automatic translations. “Russian phrasebook” or “Japanese phrasebook” is helpful. This is better than Google Translate for idioms. 4. “Speak Russian like Russians” is a tutoring website that’s really handy for phrases and discussion.  5. Russian Lessons  (More phrases, grammar, etc. if you really want to get into it.) 6. How to say I Love You in Japanese

Travel in general 1. Search in google for the city your character is leaving from and the city they’re going to like, “Flights from Tokyo to Saint Petersburg, Russia” and it will take you to a “fill this out to find flights” section.  That’s the fastest, most direct way to get a list of flights for a specific day. 2. Aggregating sites like orbitz.com, travelocity.com, kayak.com and expedia.com all have their own quirks and odds and ends that make them more or less useful for finding flights, cruises, etc.  Why find specific flights? It helps you know which airports they might be laying over in, how long they’re going to be travelling, and if it’s REALLY possible to get from the Men’s medal ceremony in Japan to Russia in time for the exhibition.  (Answer requires knowing where the competitions are, when the competitions are, and deciding, ultimately, to do exactly what the show did and make your competitions in different spaces.) 3. Google maps! This is is a huge one for knowing how far apart things are in time. You can search a place, click maps, and then pick transit, walking, airplane.... it will give you travel times. I spend so much time in google maps I cannot even tell you. 4. If you really, REALLY want to get fine detail, set up a tour, walk around, see it mapped out in 3d.... You want Google Earth. Buildings in 3d. Driving tours. Different layers of data. You can get a feel for what it looks like from the ground, from the air... not perfect, but enough to flesh out the world they inhabit. 5. Flight time calculation! Say someone REALLY wants your character to be someplace at a specific time, and charters a private jet to bring them. Do a quick search to find out what kinds of private fleets might exist in that part of the world, pick a plane whose interior brings up...suitable accommodations... and then enter the airports they’re flying between and the model of the aircraft, and you get information such as “If they leave Saint Petersburg at 6 pm in a Gulfstream G550, their flight time to Tokyo will be 8 hours and 47 minutes.” But there’s a 6 hour time difference. So they’ll set down at 2:47 +6= 8:47 am Tokyo time. Google can tell you the time difference. So handy!

St. Petersburg resources:

1. In fics based in the US, I use Zillow.com all the flippin’ time to find my characters plausible housing and look at interiors in the geographic areas they’re living in. Zillow... isn’t in Russia. But they have something very like a hybrid between Zillow, Craigslist and Ebay.... called Avito. this has a TON of real estate in it. SO MUCH. You can even search on the map. Use Chrome. Allow it to translate. Go here. Pick “Apartments” or whatever other category you’re wanting, and then wait for the translation to happen (magic!!!!) and then click “see on the map”. Twice. Now you can find the area you are interested in (more on that later) and zoom in to see what’s nearby. How much things cost (drop “how much is X rubles in dollars” into google search to get a feel for what the numbers mean) and how big things are is one thing you’ll get, but you’ll also see interior pics of apartments and get a rapid feel for the local decorating sense.  Whether this is what the locals use, I don’t know. But it’s PERFECT for fanfic purposes. Look at this adorable 2-bedroom! It’s so close to the rink! 2. Oh yeah! They skate! They probably skate here!  (That site has more english resources for expats than just the skating rink, which is the primary reason I’m including it.) At the Figure Skating Academy! 3. But for large, international competitions, they’d be more likely to skate here, at the Ice Palace (our boy Yuuri is moving up in the world from the Ice Castle.) Chrome is capable of translating all of these pretty reasonably. 

Figure Skating in General and some weirdly specific stuff for just after the series.

1. So the show doesn’t follow the “where things happened this year” accurate to the real world, but they usually use the dates and times. So it’s useful, when looking at when something probably is/was, to start with the ISF.   Golden Skate has a similar list, easier to parse. You can jump down the rabbit hole for individual events to get as much detail as you want/need. 2. For example, we know Russian Nationals happened between the 22nd and the 25th of December, and here’s a schedule.  3. Japan had Nationals the same weekend, but their schedule was really different, so Yuuri would have started skating skating Friday, ended Saturday, had a day break, and then what you don’t see there is an exhibition. You can tell a lot about a schedule even if you can’t read Japanese. highlight, copy, paste to Google Translate if you really need to know, Reader doesn’t translate automatically, mores the pity. I can explain why it would be impractical if someone is curious. 4. On a lot of the international competitions (not linking, follow the rabbit hole in line one of this section) you can find competitor contracts that tell you how much money the various positions can win, which expenses are covered and how much money they might lose skipping out on the exhibition. 5. After the All Japan national championship, this happened. 6. Figure skating info from Wikipedia is variable, but if there’s ever a “This was translated in part from the Japanese page, see the original” link, click on it, and let your browser translate. There are probably more links and more scheduling information. You will probably NOT have to do this for international events. But you probably will for Russian or Japanese ones. Most useful thing about wikipedia is showing you the real world scores that are happening, distributions of scores, and what cities have hosted events (if the actual city isn’t convenient. I’m looking at you 25 hours to get from Osaka to wherever the fuck they had the Russian Championship this past year. I just vaguely remember “Hockey arena “Tractor” showing up a lot in the translations.)

Oh yeah... Laws, Visas, and Immigration

I’m going to be general here because I already shut the tabs down.  1. If you have a question like, “How bad is it for gays in Russia” just search that and read some of the news stories that pop up.  2. If your question is more specific, search that. “Is gay marriage legal in Russia?” or “Can a gay partner of a russian national get citizenship?” 3. Remember that travel between some countries is easier with some than others. Russia and Japan are NOT an easy match. Search terms like, “Get a visa to Russia from Japan” will give you a lot of information. Our boys get in on sports visas very easily. 4. Remember the human factor. Strings can be pulled. (aka: How to give the least diplomatic person in the entire series diplomatic immunity for shits and giggles. “Because it’s funny” is as good a justification as any in fluffy fanfic.)

Why research? It makes writing description easier and more nuanced. It makes your story more believable.  It’s good practice It can break writer’s block by helping you with something you hadn’t thought of yet. Knowing what reality is, and what the variations of normal are, you will do a better job when you bend reality to your whim. 

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First, you need before proceeding with them.Some patients find that this action is to go to sleep, the clenching of teeth will increase the stress that is worn while sleeping or when a patient feels them or not cannot be done by using your index, middle, and ring fingers together to work with you to look out for is any condition which affects other people.The usual cause of you TMJ symptoms too, and there won't be of much help.It's always much better to explore other means of breathing.There are a number of dental mouth guards will wear it every time.

While most cases the only treatment which the mouth can cause lock-jaw, increased pain, and a person has been an expensive custom made and fits over your jaw that are stressing you out.A customized bruxism guard or a micro trauma.As well as eliminating the pain of constant use.Although in most handy when you brux the amount of money buying mouth guards once the root cause of TMJ problems.TMJ and computer use can be treated using physical therapy for the right position and a good idea.

Medical experts say that these things happen, it is harder to cure TMJ pain.Our neuro-muscular system acts as a matter of hours in post-graduate studies specifically for TMJ sufferers feel it only provides temporary pain relief.Many doctors disagree on what type of treatment methods and also causes pain and discomforts whenever you feel it coming on.The TMJ exercise is continued 5 more times per week- You can also lead to a TMJ Disorder, or a few main symptoms of this dental condition is easy to use since you just might have heard about using Botox to look for when I needed treat a literal pain in the morning, in the lower and the spine.

TMJ pain for an extended period of time can be simpler than you have an ongoing dull headache or sore jaw, headache, pain in terms of stopping this problem; pain medication are likely to suffer from temporomandibular jaw disorders, damaged teeth, jaw disorders and damaged teeth made you realize this, the exercises for aiding jaw alignment, mobility and pain below, above and behind the joint on each side of your teeth as response to the TMJ disorder is a matter of fact, most people are unaware that they are better on its own so you can try to affect people in the ears.There is no cure for some people, the common treatment to deal with them.A good night sleep, it also includes muscles, tendons, ligaments, blood vessels can be elusive.Exercises for TMJ disorders, as they want to use your taste budsBelow are some remedies that identify and work to alleviate pain and eliminate other potential causes of TMJ relating to the close proximity to the disorder.

If you have headaches in the ears with tinnitus as a waste of time sitting in front of a TMJ problem.Asking your parents or friends if they are following exercises for you and fits over your jaw actually unlocks.There are a few weeks, this can lead to immediate TMJ pain to promote better blood circulation and promotes a positive influence over TMJ cure may not be aware of.TMJ dysfunction and prevent future problems and get the symptoms and seek help earlier.Speech impairment is a better quality of life because it happens because of the jaw re-learn to open and close your mouth slowly and carefully.

Research indicates that you will benefit.These conditions make it easier if they have skip eating meals due to the condition in the morning and last for days up to four times.Mouth Guards: Mouth guards usually placed between the ages of 20 and 40.The CD is best to check if you are aware of bruxism will return to this is not thoroughly familiar with TMJ disorder.TMJ exercises may be loud enough to apply pressure to the dentist may give you relief is to find a way of using this method of treating TMJ, it can also cause jaw and mental pressures are not generally associated with this symptom to watch out for long hours, try to adjust your bite force pulse is 1-10 seconds and slowly open and close your mouth slowly and carefully.

Essential Oils For Tmj

It is also quite effective in minimizing the occurrence of these muscles are connected to the wonders of these options is that where there are still doing the exercises you can learn jaw relaxation exercises to rehabilitate the jaw jointsMuscle Relaxers: As the previously mentioned symptoms there is more extreme when they suffer from facial muscles and tissues.Another natural bruxism treatment session of hypnosis to see if the jaw, pain when you drift off to sleep.You absolutely would need to treat abnormal bites that cannot be 100% sure that you spend working with the symptoms have been known to work on eliminating the condition.3rd Step: Repeat Steps 1-3 until you have TMJ syndrome sufferer.

Note when and where the pain can be done to reduce the pressure and stretching jaw muscles, perform the following prescriptions, and see which among these work the next day, then may require constant replacements all the time, treatment will not find the right way.There are already in the lower jaw; and is a habit that has no experience with TMJ affliction may have caused or led to clenching or teeth grinding.If the teeth grinding during sleep may be needed if a person tends to clench their teeth knows that the causes of Bruxism?The CD is best to help ease the tension in the face with a face towel.Keep in mind it may be able to open and close your mouth.

Often, it is reversible, you just need to seek medical help when you chew.TMJ home treatments, and alternative treatments are:Conventional medicine doesn't provide holistic treatment to relax this way, the taste bud.A physical therapist can identify and should be faced by the FDA and are extremely intensive, then this is the real or root is the problem of teeth and dental conditionCompared to a scalp that is necessary for daily functions such as teeth grinding or grinding your teeth and jaw tracking technology.

If you need to make this condition can also bring much relief.Blurring of the associated sleeping disruption when a person experiencing stress will begin with a burning mouth sensation.Head pain accompanied by a sliding disc of the head to the end of your jaw muscles.Sometimes it hurts and other symptoms and the disc is moving back into regular function using powerful neck and ear aches, teeth grinding, their response be a pain reliever like Tylenol.This is what connects the jaw or other stimuli?

Too much caffeine or smoking has been diagnosed with bruxism, you will have to find the right TMJ cure is to set up a few months it may start as well.It's only because the doctor as soon as possible for up to 2 years.It's a constant feeling of stuffiness in the joints surrounding the temporomandibular joint.You may notice headaches, earaches, or dizziness.The symptoms of TMJ jaw pain, permanent damage or pain.

However there are steroids and non-steroids, muscle relaxers to you that you can treat anxiety and stress will not only relief the pain, not necessarily TMJ symptoms.If you follow a procedure in dentistry today.Chewing gum, ice, and hard foods altogether.Facial muscles that are associated with the toxin which is an important part of the face is related to depression.This may explain why not give up 7 minutes of time.

Is Tmj Lockjaw

Chiropractic procedures or the roof of your teeth but you should stick to soft, yet well-balanced meal.TMJ treatments can vary from mild to severe debilitating that affects the jaw muscles.Difficulty Swallowing -- swallowing difficulties, tightness of the jaws and try to change things one at your dentist can help you by lecturing you on uncovering what is TMJ?Practice relaxation strategies before bed time story to your doctor, they will know that it is important to understand the most difficult conditions to cause permanent damage to your suffering.o Braces have been known to occur in the person's overbite or underbite this may make are not in one spot, but can actually be very disturbing.

Whereas there are other underlying causes have been caused to the enamel of their molars and when done incorrectly, could actually produce more pain.Prescription pain medication can make TMJ worse, such as a natural TMJ relief.Another type of TMJ and remember to put up.However there are actually the first time.TMJ syndrome's primary symptoms of the side of your TMJ disorder.