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mondaymelon · 1 year

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just this once. (scaramouche x gn!reader)

warnings/notes! sick insomniac reader, scara is a bit of a meanie in the beginning, fluff, implied suggestive content

(a/n) gift for kyoi!! ive been bribed to write this - also this is scaramouche, not wanderer! takes place before sumeru archon quest - requests are open at the time of writing this btw!!

epilogue in the tags!!

enjoy!!⋆｡°✩

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"Idiot."

"Hey!"

"What? I'm not the one who's sick right now. Only idiots catch colds." Scaramouche sneered at you, dark violet eyes gleaming cruelly.

"I've got a fucking weak immune system!!" Protesting, you crossed your arms and pouted from where you lay buried underneath the blankets on your bed.

"As a puppet, all I can say is that human bodies warrant more trouble than they're worth. As far as I'm concerned, you're the one who has the lacking side of the bargain here." Scaramouche rolled his eyes at your antics, only laughing quietly to himself when you abruptly sneezed.

Sniffling, you glared up at him. "Ugh, seriously? I'm sick right now, can we just..." You gestured your hands wildly, not exactly sure what point you were trying to prove. "...not?"

"As if."

"Be roommates with Scara, they said... it'll be fun, they said..." Cursing under your breath you sighed dramatically. "Who am I kidding right now??"

The Fatui Harbinger just stared at you, a smile playing at his lips. "Go on, it's fun seeing you so worked up over nothing. Ah~ truly. Why go circuses from Fontaine when you already have such a dramatic show in front of you?" Scaramouche let out a bout of laughter, only pausing when you sneezed yet again.

Groaning loudly, you flopped back onto your pillow with a soft thump. Scaramouche watched your movements as if he had nothing better to do.

"So... are you just... going to stand there? Ominously?" You sent a pointed look at the violet-haired man, arms crossed, eyes half-open and staring down at you.

"Maybe I will."

"Whatever then. Goodnight." You turned over, gripping your plush blankets with one hand with the other propped under your head while you tried not to think about Scara's burning gaze on you. And although you were tired, tired was an understatement, you couldn't find it in you to fall asleep. Either it was the Fatui Harbinger standing by your bedside and seemingly waiting for you to fall asleep, or maybe it was just your insomnia being a bitch. Your heart hammered in your ears. Why now, out of all times, had you had to get sick?

"Hey. You okay?"

What was that?

"Turn around for a second. I can't see your face." There was a note in the man's voice that you had somehow never heard before. The sneering tone was gone, for once and it had been replaced with someone a lot more mild.

"...Okay." Turning around, you felt your face flush at the sight. Some time had passed, and now the bright moonlight streamed into the room through the windows on the adjacent wall. Scaramouche stood there, chin slightly lifted, gaze unwavering, his hair ruffled lightly and an almost worried expression on his face.

...worried...?

Scaramouche leaned forward, brows furrowing at your red face. Gently cupping your cheek, easily taking you by surprise, he frowned slightly. "You're burning up."

"W-What-??"

"Stay here. Don't get up or even try to move or you will overexert yourself. I know your limits far more than you do." Scaramouche pressed a finger to your lips, effectively shushing you. However, his eyes were still uncharacteristically soft, expression weary, almost. He was acting so... soft. And it was almost scaring you. "I'm going to get you an ice pack and something to drink."

Not really sure how to respond, you just nodded.

Scaramouche smiled at your reply. And it was strange. Really, really strange. Bursts of something you couldn't exactly decipher spread throughout your body, lighting up something in your heart. It was hard to describe, as much as it was hard to feel it. As soon as you had broken out of your daze, the harbinger was already gone.

So, you sat there, and waited.

And before long, he was back. This time, carrying a little wooden tray with two cups on it. One for you, and on for him. You didn't even know Scaramouche was capable of acting like this. You gratefully accepted the cup, sipping the drink happily. It was on nights like these that you truly were able to appreciate how lucky you were.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Mhm. Thanks... for well, everything you've done for me tonight." You beamed at him. Your fever had gone down, and now the night air felt cold on your skin. You were in a Fatui encampment in Shneznaya, but the only thing it made you do was make you long for the warm afternoons of Liyue.

Scaramouche had pulled up a chair - when, you had no idea. He silently nodded before trailing his gaze back up to you.

"Still can't sleep?"

"Ah... well..." You let out a sheepish giggle, placing your now-empty cup on the nightstand beside your bed. "You know how it is. I have trouble falling asleep."

Scaramouche stayed silent at that, and didn't say anything. You had begun to think you had somehow offended him, and he was thinking up of ways to dispose of your body before he finally spoke again. "Are you cold?"'

You nodded truthfully before saying, "It's only to be expected, though. Even with the Fatui's high technology heating systems, Shneznaya's permanent winter just can't be beaten." Shivering, you huddled up the blankets on your bed tighter.

"Then...

...Can I sleep with you? Just this once?"

Caught you off-guard was an understatement. A severe understatement. You stared at Scaramouche, who was busy examining the floor, face flushed. "...Can you repeat that?"

"Ugh- You-!" Scaramouche cut himself off, face red. "I'll sleep with you. Just for tonight."

...scara's blushing. "Why so flustered?" you jokingly retorted, somewhat enjoying the current situation.

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"Hmmm~ well, you'll have to give me some time to decid-"

Scaramouche didn't let you finish. He rushed forward, holding your shoulders in his tight grip as he fell onto you. Strands of hair framed his face in a picturesque manner as you stared up at him from where he had you pinned on the bed. Not even letting you stop to breathe, he pressed your wrists above your head and into the mattress, your eyes widening as you felt a warm pair of lips meet yours. He stole your breath away as he pulled back, glistening eyes dilated as he smirked down at you. His usual expression was beginning to dawn back on his face as he leaned into you and whispered into your ear:

"I don't think you'll ever have trouble sleeping again."

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abusivelittlebunny · 2 years

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Neil Gaiman: writes a disturbing short story meant to terrify us

Tumblr girlies: turns on the dumb bimbo ray

I'm sorry but if he didn't want me to omegafy Simon Powers he shouldn't have cast the most breedable boy on the planet to play him with the tiniest cocklet and milkiest tits and thighs. Putting in a scene that looks like him getting familiar with his newly opened pussy doesn't help matters...

Warning ahead: 18+, A/B/O, dubcon (heat sex), intersex omega biology

Simon lived his whole life believing he was a beta, everyone else got to present in middle or high school, he remembers how shocked his classmates were when someone presented at 18 or in college. He wasn't worried too much about himself, he was a regular beta like everyone else in the family but he still let out a sigh of relief when he finished his BA with no surprise presentation. He got a beta ID, went into a boring job meant for betas and lived his boring beta life until a mysterious gash appeared beneath his underwear.

It itched at first, that's how he noticed it forming; took a hand mirror to see the red line, almost like a healed wound beneath his small cock and almost reaching his anus. He thought maybe he scratched it somehow, if the jeans' seem left behind the mark, but the gash seemed to slowly grow more prominent and itchy and started to get painful. He put healing creams on it, but nothing helped; he finally decided to go to the doctor's office when the gash hurt so much he couldn't sit through work at his monotone desk job.

"Ah, you'll be having your first heat shortly," the doctor said as he examined the area that Simon shyly showed him. His rubber gloved fingers applied gentle pressure as they rubbed along the gash, making Simon shudder. "Your canal will open within a week, that's why it's so painful currently. I'll prescribe you some soothing cream that will ease the pain without harm and a lube injected with alpha pheromones and a set of opening knotted dildos if you don't have one. It's important to start small, no matter how tempting the larger ones may be, trust me."

Simon couldn't even reply he was so in shock at this turn of events but he was sure he couldn't be an omega, he couldn't. "T-there must be a mistake, you see, I'm a beta, I couldn't possibly go into heat, this is just a scar or some infection or some disease, it's not a ... not that."

The beta doctor looked at him with patient understanding as he pet his thigh. "I know this seems like a big change that will take some time to accept, but believe me the sooner you do it the better. You can change your documents to omega within a month, I'll give you the diagnosis certificate in just a jiffy."

"No, no, no..." Simon shook his head, wide eyed. "You don't understand, this is not a-..., I'm too old to present anyway, I'm 22, I couldn't possibly-,"

"I've seen plenty present in their twenties, you're not an exception my dear." The doctor waved a dismissive hand. "It's just more common in your teens because people tend to be the most hormonal at that time. But say if you were a sickly child or have a weak immune system or underfed, or more than likely grew up in a repressive household, it can stretch out to your twenties when your body is ready to present. I see your whole family is beta, correct? I couldn't imagine you'd have felt safe to present at the time you lived at home."

Simon looked away, the doctor didn't need to pry into his family life, no matter how true his words rang. He doesn't want to think about how mortified his parents would be if they learnt he was an omega.

"Besides haven't you been wondering why your testicles never dropped? That is the number one indicator one would turn out to be an omega. Your ejaculation is a clear fluid too, isn't it? Omega males cannot produce semen. You should have expected this to happen really."

Simon reddened at the information the doctor laid out: he thought all of that was normal for betas. "I-, I... I don't-, I'm sorry sir but you're incorrect. Have a nice day." Simon rushed out of his office barely having done his trousers up, not looking behind as the doctor scrambled to try to give him his prescription. He purposefully didn't take it; the old man couldn't be right.

Unfortunately things didn't seem to be turning any brighter as the pain between his legs only intensified and his fingers kept rubbing at the gash that grew more and more prominent each day. But he couldn't... he couldn't be... oh God.

He was on his way to work when he realized something was wrong. He couldn't stop rubbing back on the metro seat, the friction easing the ache in him, but he felt awfully hot, like the temperature was twice the amount shown on his phone's weather report, and everything smellt so intense like someone broke a crate of cologne somewhere in the metro cart, enchanting musky scents hitting his senses. He felt so faint and hazy he barely registered the alphas staring at him until the alpha standing in front of him started palming at his hard on not even a meter away from Simon's panting face. Simon looked up, confused, but the man just kept stroking himself, his large dick bearing a clear outline against his trousers, his eyes trained on Simon intensely. What was worse is that Simon felt the urge to plant his face into his crotch much more than to get away.

The man's hand traveled to his face, cupping his jaw and making Simon arch his neck and when his thumb found its way to Simon's lips, he obediently took the digit into his mouth without a second thought. Why was this happening? He had no clue, but the alpha smelled so fucking good he could only suck on his finger pressing on his tongue and bat his heavy eyelashes just as the announcer voice of the metro said his stop.

It was like being pushed into a pool of cold water he quickly pulled away and scrambled up from his seat, rushing out of the metro car, mortified at realizing how indecent he acted in public with a stranger. He shook the thought of the delicious salty taste of the alphas hand; he couldn't be late for work, his boss would have his head.

He didn't notice the wet patch in the crotch of his trousers until he stepped outside and the cold air hit it. Was he...wet? But he couldn't have peed himself... What the hell??

He didn't have time to stop at the underground station's bathroom he had to get to work on time, but now the wetness seeping through and running down his legs was impossible to ignore. He had to show his face at the office first, make sure he clocks in on time, then hide in the bathroom to figure out what the hell was going on.

But the moment he stepped through the office door he knew he was in trouble: alpha coworkers of his that never paid attention to him before stared at him intensely and flocked around him asking if he needed any help, most of them not even realizing he's been working here for two years already, he couldn't even get through to his desk, all of their scents that he never previously felt attacking his nose and sticking to the back of his throat, making him weak at the knees. Fuck, he might pass out. But the situation just got worse when he heard his boss growl.

"Simon, in my office. Now."

Simon couldn't hold back the whimper finding its way out of his throat as he shyly made his way over to his boss' office, the much older man looking with proper disapproval at him despite how good his scent was. His boss was wearing the "I'm in the mood to fire someone" scowl under his grey mustache.

"You think you can just prance around smelling like a whore?" His boss, Stevenson grumbled, the word from his mouth making Simon almost choke as he stood in front of his desk, head bowed, fidgeting with his fingers. Stevenson circled him like a predator would with its prey, taking big whiffs of his scent and sneering meanly. "Always knew you'd be trouble, the moment you walked through the door, but I never thought you'd be so idiotic that you would lie about your second gender to get a job and then promptly forget your suppressants and cause chaos in the whole office. Every alpha now is horned up because of you, boy."

"S-sir, I can explain-," Simon mumbled but Stevenson didn't let him finish.

"Goodie, can't wait to hear what you come up with to not have me fire your ass. All the damn alphas including myself won't be able to think with a clear head for the rest of the day because you dragged in your fucking omega in heat scent that will now cling to every fucking surface. That's too much fucking work lost for the day, Simon, so you better have a great fucking explanation."

Simon gulped, feeling tears prickle at his eyes and his fists shaking by his sides as he said, "I'm not an omega."

Stevenson shook his head dumbly and blinked, "What did you say?"

"I-, I am not an omega," Simon spoke a bit louder, not daring to look his boss in the eyes and keeping his gaze trained on his shoes as hopeless tears started falling down his flushed cheeks. "It's just a mistake, i don't know why,... why I smell like this to you but, I swear it's not me, I'm a beta. I've been smelling things all day, strange scents, so I know what you mean sir, but it's not me. These musky strong scents come from someone else, it messes with me too. I'm just sick, I-, I have this weird infection that makes me achy and itchy and I think I have a fever-," he couldn't finish though because Stevenson erupted into a wheezing laughter.

"Oh God, that's-, pff... that's good." Stevenson couldn't even hold himself together for a moment, his fury diminished as he looked at Simon with the most amusement he's ever seen in the man's eyes. "Here I thought you were just a dumb little bitch, but no, you're properly stupid, that's fucking great."

Simon sniffled silently, the humiliation coloring his cheeks further, feeling like he wanted to hide in a hole somewhere far away.

"That musky scents you're talking about? That's bloody alpha arousal answering your fucking cream puff sweet omega scent begging for a bloody breeding, you idiot. Of course you think you have a fever, you're in heat for God's sake. Can't believe you didn't know you were an omega, Powers. But I guess I can believe you have such little thought in your pretty little head, that your own cunt flew past your head."

Simon bit his lip, holding back a sob. "I-, I don't have a cu-, a cun-, a cunt..." He could only whisper the word, he was far too embarrassed to say it as confidently as his boss who cocked an eyebrow and just chuckled at what a miserable sight he made.

"Yeah you don't? Then what the fuck is gushing all that slick that soaked your bloody trousers and is now making a whole fucking pool on my floor?"

Simon almost jumped seeing how much of the clear viscous fluid dripped into a puddle where he stood and every movement he made his trousers just made an uncomfortable wet noise. It was horrifying.

"I-, I-, sir, I need to use the bathr-,"

"Let's take a good look at what is making all this mess, shall we? Since you're so sure it couldn't possibly be your cunt."

Simon didn't understand what Stevenson meant until the older man grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and shoved him to lean back against his desk, getting between Simon's spread thighs confidently. Simon tried to weakly push him back but Stevenson’s scent got him utterly drunk, and seeing his thick cock outlined against his thigh beneath his trousers swept all other thought that wasn't needing to see his dick. He could only give a surprised little noise as Stevenson ripped his trousers off of Simon, together with his ruined underwear, and pushed him to sit his soaked ass on his desk.

"Well look at that." Stevenson purred, keeping Simon's legs spread in the air. He still had his shoes and socks on, but his crotch was bare and unbearably wet to the cold air. "I'd say that's a pitch perfect omega pussy that's been drooling all that slick on my floor. Take a good look at it, boy, it's a real beauty."

Simon couldn't believe his eyes as he folded on himself to see his gash open and pink and wet and leaking all over; he's seen this before in porn, seen omega boy pussies that get felt up and fucked by big burly alpha cocks, but he never thought that one day he himself would have one right beneath his twitching erect cock.

"Fuck, you might just have the prettiest omega cunt I've ever seen, look at you. Gorgeous." Stevenson stroked on the outer edges of his pink cunt, where the lips were puffy and milky soft, tinted with a pink hue, and as he thumbed them apart Simon could see his insides were almost red.

Stevenson got his phone out and angled it before Simon could even think about what he was doing. "Gotta take just a few pictures of this pretty puss puss, you know? My buddies won't believe what a quality cunt I got on my desk."

Simon quickly closed his legs, mortified, but not before Stevenson snapped a couple pictures. "No, no, no, delete those, please, sir, you can't-,"

"Oh I damn well can." Stevenson grumbled, annoyed by Simon's disobedience and took a hold of Simon's thighs again to manually open them back up. "You bring this pussy in here dripping with heat, disrupt the workplace, and you still think you can just say no to me? Who do you think you are, Powers?"

Simon sniffled but tried to keep his legs closed, even with Stevenson’s superior strength, crying for him not to look, it was too embarrassing. Finally Stevenson seemed to realize he wasn't going to get anywhere with Simon with just brute force and his hands turned gentle and caressing on his thighs.

"Simon," Stevenson started with a deep reassuring tone, the alpha comforting voice making Simon slowly calm down as he continued. "You're so beautiful, my dear, you know it's hard to resist. I've been dreaming of bending you over my desk and fucking that sweet round ass of yours since I first saw you. Now that I know what a perfect pussy you kept from me you've turned me a little mad, sweetheart, forgive me." His whisper against Simon's throat had him shiver. "You enchanted me, you little minx."

"I-, I didn't mean to..." Simon whispered back, his anxieties dulled by Stevenson’s alpha pheromones, letting his thighs be slowly moved apart as the older man kissed along his neck. He didn't even realize he was bearing his neck for a mating bite instinctively, revealing his own interest. "I didn't have a ...a cu-cunt before, it just opened up today, I-, I haven't even seen it before, I swear."

Stevenson hummed thoughtfully and massaged Simon's hips, pressing himself between Simon's spread legs and offering his embrace that Simon gratefully nuzzled into.

"It's alright, baby, I believe you, your pussy did look amazingly fresh. Can I feel it? Feel what a good pussy you got? I'll be gentle."

Simon hid his face against Stevenson’s neck, not answering with words but giving out a muffled whine that Stevenson interpreted as a "yes". One of his hands massages Simon's back, while the other caressed its way between their bodies, making sure to keep his moves gentle and predictable. Simon couldn't stop squirming and whining as Stevenson’s hand cupped his... his pussy, and rubbed.

It felt good. Better than good. It felt much more intense than any touch that ever landed on his virgin cock, it felt like an electric shock of pleasure to be touched in such a way. He subconsciously rocked into the feeling and breathed hard against Stevenson’s neck while gripping at the back of his shirt. The feeling of his cunt being rubbed paired with Stevenson’s mind-numbing scent had him come apart.

"M-more, more" Simon gasped, "touch me more, sir."

"Greedy little slut, aren't you?" Stevenson chuckled but kissed the side of his head and complied, pressing a finger into Simon's tight entrance. It felt so strange, but lovely.

When he was a teenager he learned about how beta boys can also be fucked by other beta or alpha boys, they just use their butts. He has been playing with his ass since he was fourteen, fingering it when masturbating to help him get off and imagine another man on top of him. He thought that was the best feeling until now when Stevenson pushed in another finger, and started earnestly fingerfucking his oozing sensitive cunt. It felt incredible.

"Fuck, you're so wet, so pliant for me, you want this cute cunny filled, don't you?" Stevenson groaned as he added a third finger, pushing in and out rhythmically, his fingerpads nudging at places Simon never felt before. "Look at you, your hungry little pussy is eating up anything I give it."

Simon pulled back to watch as Stevenson’s hand worked his cunt, his wrist soaked and his movements giving the wettest squelching noises as Simon rocked back on the intrusion with little gasps of pleasure. He had a hand scratching at his boss' shoulder, the other holding himself up against his desk while his legs remained spread wide for easy access. His boss looked so hot too, his previously neatly combed back grey hair in disarray, his blue eyes blown wide with lust, his big barrel chest heaving beneath his shirt as he rucked up Simon's shirt to squeeze at his chest. Simon cried out when Stevenson rubbed at his sweet spot that felt oh so familiar to the one in his ass: he was going to cum.

"Perfect, fuck, perfect pussy, I need to get my cock into you. I know you were meant for it." Stevenson tried to pull his hand back but Simon grabbed him by the wrist, afraid of losing that pleasure.

"No, no, stay. Stay." Simon whined, rocking back on his fingers, his mouth hanging open as he looked up at Stevenson with hooded eyes. "I want to cum, please, please, sir, make me cum."

"I'll only let you cum on this cock, boy," Stevenson chuckled, wrenching his hand out, not caring about Simon's needy begging as he worked his trousers open and pulled out his large fat alpha cock.

Simon couldn't believe the size of it. That monster was almost the size of his forearm. How could that thing ever fit inside of him?

"Not a brat anymore, are you? So desperate until he gets what he needs." Stevenson chuckled, rubbing his erection along Simon's pussy, knocking into his cocklet that was barely a quarter of his boss' erection. "And you thought you were a fucking beta, look at your little clit against my manhood. You were meant to take cock like this, Simon. Tell me you were."

Simon bit his lip, shy and embarrassed despite the need in his belly, his mind utterly melted from the feeling of that large cock rubbing against his cunt: he never wanted anything more.

"Say you were meant for my cock." Stevenson slapped his cock against Simon's pussy teasingly, coming away with slick ribbons each time. It was too good to deny. "Say you need this cock in your pretty pussy, Simon."

Simon felt a tear fall from his lashes as he looked up at his boss and spread his legs wider. "I was m-meant for your...for your cock, sir. I need it in my... I need it in my pussy, please."

He only managed a shy whisper but that was enough to drive Stevenson wild and press the tip in immediately. "Fuck, yes, Simon, yes I'll give it to to you, I'll give you what you need, fuck."

Simon gasped at the initial breach, and threw his head back as more and more went in his tight cunt, falling back on the desk with a cry from the burning pain of too much cock in his too little canal. It felt like being torn apart, he screamed like a wounded animal but that didn't stop Stevenson from pushing in more and more and impossibly more until he bottomed out. Simon thought he blacked out for a moment and when he came to he was breathless and overstuffed. It hurt so much, but it felt so good, like an ache being soothed with this new pain. Like everything was right finally.

Stevenson gave him a few minutes to adjust to the feeling of his cock, he himself shuddering and purring praises about Simon's virgin cunny taking him so well, and his filthy mouth got Simon rocking back on his cock sooner than he should have. But that movement of interest was what got Stevenson to start thrusting and Simon's mind melted out of his head.

"Never had someone so tight, oh my God, so fucking made for this cock. I've gotta give you a raise for letting me in your virgin pussy, Simon, it's really the best I've ever had, such a perfect little thing." Stevenson was panting above him, taking his time to suck on Simon's nipples and feeling him up as he started earnestly pounding Simon's too tender pussy.

He didn't know what to say back, but he couldn't even think about it with how his mind and body completely surrendered to the pleasure. It felt like heaven, the pain barely noticeable anymore, but even that ache added to the ecstasy. He ran his fingers through Stevenson’s hair, scratched down his shoulders as back, and moaned when Stevenson leaned in for a filthy kiss.

To think he always hated his boss and found him an utter dickhead, eager to leave work every day, - now he wished the bastard never stopped fucking him, his dick the only thing keeping Simon from dying of need, his kiss soothing all of his worries. Simon kissed him again and again, mewling into it as Stevenson railed him good and hard: he felt so fucking perfect, it was like he was in love.

He barely noticed his own orgasm squirting onto his belly until Stevenson chuckled into his mouth, "You're so cute when you cum, meowing like a little kitten. Making a mess all over my desk, you know Daddy's gonna make you lick all of your cummies up, right, Simon?"

Simon's poor oversensitive body couldn't handle Stevenson’s dirty talk, his cocklet and cunt twitched painfully as he let Stevenson pound him harder. He knew he's going to ache all over tomorrow but all he wanted now was to please his alpha and he licked along Stevenson’s short grey beard, whining with each thrust, begging for something he didn't even know he needed.

It wasn't until he felt Stevenson start to expand in his cunt that he realized.

"Shit, baby, I can knot you, right? Let daddy stuff you full, Simon." The desk was creaking wildly as Stevenson’s thrust grew erratic, jackhammering into Simon's little pussy. "You need this knot, boy, let me fill you up."

Simon moaned at the stretch as the knot grew fatter and fatter, pulling on his cunt with each thrust more and more, wincing in pain until it grew so big Stevenson couldn't pull back out, so he just buried himself as deep as possible as he rabbit fucked his cunt until he came with a roar into Simon's pussy.

The feeling of hot thick cum pooling in rivers inside him, filling him up, it was incredible, like everything was finally right. Simon never felt more complete and he came again, weakly squirting more onto his stomach. It's when he was observing the stickiness did he realize that his lower belly had a slight bump in it that only grew more and more.

Stevenson chuckled at his shocked expression and purred as he humped Simon as much as the knot would allow, milking his cock inside the tight pussy. "I'm gonna be cumming for another fifteen minutes sweetheart so expect that to grow a bit but don't worry it's not permanent. I'm just stuffing you right, that's what a bitch needs in heat."

He said those words so softly Simon couldn't help but nuzzle against his bearded jaw, seeking comfort from his alpha while watching his stomach. It was growing like he was pregnant or something. That's right, omegas can carry babies, right? How did that work? He was too tired to think of it now, but he was sure he wouldn't be getting pregnant from his first heat, right? His boss wouldn't have knotted him if he did, right? He wouldn't stuff him with four more loads on his desk and then take him home and spend three days knotting him over and over, right?

The positive pregnancy test two weeks later told him no, that wasn't right.

#this came from brainstorming with jo who wanted to see stevenson together with simon powers as a crackship #stevenson was the poor sod in my 1917 fic that got a blowie from Schofield and then promptly died #but in a modern au he'd be a jackass boss to simon and knock him up on purpose to keep the clumsy little thing for himself #simon powers #neil gaiman #george mackay #ask rambles #stevenson x simon #i guess they're a ship now lol #i should draw Stevenson together with Reiner & Sándor to give you an idea what my OC's look like #a/b/o #omegaverse

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shenashygans · 1 year

Text

THE SUNDAY CURRENTLY -11-

Good morning! It's still morning, right? How was your week? Lemme summarise mine. Because it's Sunday today!!! Another TSC by yours truly~

Writing

The Sunday Currently! Idk if this is really my 11th TSC post. I forgot? I promise to write longer than last week. But I can't promise that I will do it today :) So how was your week? Mine is.. meh. It's been pretty calm. Which is good!

Feeling

Cold! I was up (5th floor) and out (the podium) earlier to capture the sunrise. And Goddddd. What a view. What. A. View. Always worth the wait! But I think I was waiting for a good 10-mins out in the cold, morning air. It's fine. I got to see the sunrise for the first time this year. I always see it when it's up already kasi.

Loving

My beautiful sunrise & sunset shots! It became my morning & afternoon routine when I found out someone likes seeing them. But I mostly, those shots are for myself. It reminds me to be thankful that I get to see the sun every day. Oh, the litol things~

Wanting

To quit my job. I know, I know. I've been saying this a million times. But I want to quit, and find a new one here. I know, I know. I told myself that I will go home after quitting. But as a balisang Gemini.. idk idk. Let's just cross the bridge when we get there, I guess?

Needing

To have a general check-up. Suki na ako sa hospital last year. This year din ata siguro? Chzz. UAE's healthcare facilities are chef's kiss, but why am I still scared going there? Huhu. Too afraid on what they'd find wrong with me? Too scared to catch something when I visit there? Ahhh

Smelling

Myself. I'm wearing my Santal 33 dupe perfume. The spaghetti my colleague made for us. The burger my other colleague made for us. So I'm smelling mostly food rn :))

Wearing

My (not complete) uniform. And shorts. Maybe that's why I'm feeling cold?

Listening

To the sound of the leaf blower. It's too early to be this loud. The songs I've been listening to, well, the playlist are from Peej Radio and Ben&Ben Radio. I love discovering new/old songs/artists.

Wishing

To call someone and talk their ears off. But life is shitty, and you really can't get what you want. Wishing for more better days for me, the people around me, and the people I care about.

Hoping

That my immune system won't let me down this year. Almost done with the first month.. so far, so good. I hope (and I pray) that all will be healthy this 2023 🙏🏻

Thinking

On what to do on my day off? Should I just go to Dubai? Tapos uwi din agad. Nag-sayang lang ako ng oras 🤣 should I get a driver's license here? Saan naman ako kukuha ng pera? ChZz.

Reading

I'm still on a reading slump. Idk. I binged read Freida's books and stopped abruptly. Maybe this is my mind saying, "tama na kabaliwan muna" :))

Watching

Coco! Yes, I know. I've watched this too many times. I'm watching Weak Hero Class, too. Maybe, The Glory next or Reborn Rich. Depends on my mood. I'm still waiting on Hobi my love so sweet's docu on Disney+ next month! Time for me to download it hehehe

Eating

Mostly veggies, fish, seafoods, and fruits! It's because we're trying to eat healthy. Well, my roomie is trying to be healthy. Damay damay daw. But I'm eating istapeggy & burger right now. And it's delicious! We tried Pani Puri for the first time, too! SOBRANG SARAP DI KO MAEXPLAIN. I want more, that's for sure.

See? I can post naman weekly if I remember it. Have a great week ahead! See y'all next week ☺️

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the-ghost-of-jason-todd · 23 days

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infecting you with the brain worms. also imagine a normal human getting isekaied to a fantasy world, getting sick and slowly getting over it, if the sicknesses change their immune system so much, would there be a point where they aren’t considered human anymore? while we’re at it, what’s the medical implications for hanahaki disease? surgeries? dungeon meshi has mana sickness, owl house has the common mold, so it got me thinking of sicknesses very specific to magic users. like a fire user getting a fever that’s permanent after a while, their magic altering their immune system so much

ngl i think i've been infected for a long time, anon XD

lot of deep worldbuilding you could get into here... like "what makes a human human" sort of deep. ship of theseus deep. plus the question on top of how much of our actual, real life biology is due to the influence of microscopic creatures that we can't even see? *chef's kiss*

you know how your gut biology can influence your mood/cravings/etc? imagine it's like that, but with the influence of something magical or ethereal in nature.

plus the double whammy of maybe they change so much that it's impossible to get back home...

i've seen a lot of fics where surgery can cure or cause hanahaki to go into remission, with various side effects tbh. i think my favorite take on it is that surgery only helps up to a point--if the roots get deep enough, it WILL kill you to excise it with a blade, just like any tumor. i also like the idea that once the love is reciprocated, the plant takes time to shrink down and loosen its hold, tho i don't see that much in fics. hurt/comfort, my beloved.......

also ngl, dungeon meshi needs to come back here and EXPLAIN MAGIC BETTER. like is dark magic forbidden just because it's old?? is it legit dangerous, or is it outdated??? because they CLEARLY have what could be considered necromancers who can LEGALLY raise people from the dead (tho only in dungeons, admittedly). so what gives?? why, exactly, is what marcille did so dangerous? I have my guesses, but I demand to know!! that and the mana sickness, like... is learning magic like flexing a muscle and you just have to strengthen your ability and the mana sickness goes away?? can marcille get mana sickness still?? what would it take?? also laios with a bloody nose.... i am looking respectfully (maybe)

this was what i loved about BNHA tho, like for real. there was SO MUCH depth to quirks and their consequences (thank you, deku, for prattling about them all the time, seriously), and you could dig even deeper in fan works. like.... mr. nitroglycerine sweat. and how he can make himself sick if he accidentally ingests his own sweat. the strengths and weaknesses, the uniqueness of them all. iida using juice as fuel LMFAO. loved that so much??

but more generally... imagine chlorokinesis users who can be affected by blight, or root rot, or fungus because their bodies have started to take on plant-like traits. god, or imagine this: a chlorokinesis user who can't take off their shoes and socks because their feet have started growing roots into them LMFAO. psychic users who always feel others' symptoms as if they're their own. diseases that can pass across a psychic link!! immunizations against psychic viruses that alter your brain chemistry!!

good SHIT, man

#anon #liveblogging dungeon meshi #liveblogging bnha #among other things #sickfics

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crinkled-emotions · 2 years

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So I saw that post you reblogged about headcanons etc. and sharing them so I'm taking you up on that offer if that's ok😂

Anyway, I've been thinking about Rooster being out of action, let's say seriously injured/post surgery, or something along those lines, where he is just super weak and really NEEDS Mav to do things for him. Simple things like help him to wash, eat, change clothes etc and he is just so exhausted that he's not even embarrassed. He just accepts the help that he truly needs for once in his life.

This idea developed further when I got hooked on your latest sick fics, and I was thinking what if he caught something while he was still recovering and weak. His immune system is down from some meds he's taking, or just general stress and he picks up a cold off of someone who visits, or delivers food or something like that. Mav really has to step up the care taking, when Rooster is so ridiculously weak. He can't even blow his own nose and Mav has to hold the tissue for him, and helps support him up as he coughs and wheezes, holds an icepack to his forehead to lower his fever. Again Roo just doesnt have the strength and energy to be embarrassed and Mav is so so worried that might be the thing that ends Rooster because he has never seen his kid in such a state of need, and he feels so helpless. At the start it was a little self indulgent and he liked being needed by his kid, but now it is just pure dread and fear that he won't be able to do enough for another Bradshaw.

Lol, what a brain puke! But I had to share it with someone 😂

Hey there! Thanks for sharing this with me!

Rooster is stubborn as hell, like I feel like people huff and puff at Mav but then they meet Rooster and they go you know what? Mav's stubbornness isn't so bad. At least we know where Rooster got it from, between his parents and Mav he wasn't exactly going to be wish-washy.

That being said, when he's that worn down, he's like a dead weight and Maverick is not a tall guy. I have this image of Maverick trying to get Rooster into the shower and I'm chuckling to myself but also- maybe he gets the Daggers to give him a hand??

Rooster's luck is shit (as demonstrated in my previous fics lmao) so I feel like when he's down from his injury/surgery and someone stops by with a cold he knows exactly what's going to happen to him and he's like dammit. Maverick is already gearing up for a sleepless night.

In other words, I love this!! Again, thanks for sharing!

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aquanology · 3 years

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SHE LI ANALYSIS CAUSE I CAN!!! (THANKS FOR 50+ FOLLOWERS AND NO THERE'S NOTHING MISSING IN HERE ITS 50+)

Yo so I've reached 50 followers a long while ago and I wanted to do something big but I hesitated and didn't know what to do...I thought a lot about it and it's here. The long awaited She li analysis, I was waiting for the new chapter so I can make this. Anyways I hope you enjoy it (or maybe not?)

So from far away people wo see She li as a Bully Mo and when they learn that his family posses good amounts of money, everyone would see him as a rich brat and I wouldn't blame them, Though that's not all there's to it. it's much deeper and yes I have 5000 IQ how did you know?

Now his childhood wasn't that great looking at how he was surrounded by maids and not his parents most of the time, mostly because they were busy working and when they weren't busy doing work they would be busy arguing about things that little She li didn't know much about.

It was pretty lonely even if people would surround him be it the maids, the other adults or even other kids he wasn't getting the attention of his parents. He might've thought that he wasn't important enough for his parents to spare a moment or two to spend time with him or atleast for his parents to look at his way. He hated their noisy fights and so, like any kid who didn't want to listen to his parent's loud arguments!that might've seemed like a broken record for him at the time, he would go outside to distracte himself. I don't know how many times he had to do this to ignore the pain that his parent's loud fighting has been causing to him, and I don't know how long he spent his time doing that (probably as long as the fighting continued) but I'm pretty sure that what we saw from She Li's flashback wasn't his first time doing so. And I'm sure he was trying to inflict physical pain so he can forgot the mental pain. At that point little She Li might've felt a bit...empty because no one really seemed to genuinely care for him or spend time with him and he didn't seem to have a special relationship with anyone either, he might've felt like he wasn't a human because of all of that.... he might've been sad and angry that he can't experience love and affection perhaps he thought that it's his fault for feeling down all the time, when in reality it was his parents fault for not using the spare time they have for providing She Li with affection and quality time instead of arguing most of the time. I'm sure he felt less of person because he didn't get what he really needed as a kid. But little did She Li know that he will feel less of human the next time his parents argue loudly.

That had started with the routine of his parents fighting and She Li looking for something to distract himself with, he ended up digging for worms and I suspect that he did that for a long while that day in which might've explain the bleeding. Later on he got diagnosed with Guillain-Barre' (Ghee-Yan Bah-Yan) syndrome this syndrome is a autoimmune type, in which a persons own immune system damages the nerves causing muscle weakness or paralysis, it can cause symptoms that last from few weeks to several years however most people recover fully while some have permanent nerve damage.

His thoughts were seemingly messy I wouldn't blame him if he still thought that his parents didn't care about him, I mean it was kind of their fault for not asking about what he does when playing outside or with whom, or for the least bit leaving a maid or two to check on him from time to time. But it was that day when he met a certain person in that hospital.

It was Mo Guan Shan that he saw at the hospital. A kid who was capable of feeling pain both physical and mental, not only that but he has a caring mother who seemed to care about her kid. At that moment She Li must've felt envious, a kid whom he didn't know had everything that She li didn't, he had the ability to feel pain and suffer and on top of that he had someone who cared about him who loved him and gave him attention when he needed it the most.

Perhaps She Li thinks that if Mo Guan Shan would become a happier and a healthier person then he would be superior to She Li, because then he would have something that is far away from She Li's reach and capability.

That's why he keeps on hurting Mo over and over again whenever Mo is feeling better or even worse. Maybe She li feels superior or on the same level as Mo when he stops him from feeling truly happy and at peace with his loved ones. As if only then the gap will become bigger than it was before. Because She Li thinks that he won't be able to be the same as Mo is, I mean he might get his syndrome treated and he might be able to feel the pain (both physical and mental) but She Li isn't sure of he can actually be truly loved or if he will be capable of loving and making someone as happy. And that is why he says things like this:

Of course it's not only to make Mo feel bad (cuz like no would want to be told that they are the same as She Li is) but to also make himself feel like they are the same (be it on the same level or the same type of people) when they are not.

I do think that She Li admires Mo for how human he is and he doesn't want him to be anymore of a human he wants Mo to be the same as him, someone who can't have anyone care about him, someone who might numb out and stop being a human for their own desires and someone who can be as hurt and heartless as She Li is regarding that he is hurt inside. I also think that She Li and He tian are similar I mean both of them were not met with love and affection from their family except He Cheng tried to rub the illusion of their fathers love on He tian, though it didn't work quite well. A relationship where you have to sacrifice everything to receive approval isn't and wouldn't be ideal from He tain's perspective, as well as She Li never talk about how he felt (he most likely didn't) the pain that he got from his parents inability to raise him properly like other parents do (by loving him and spending some time with him). However I'm not blaming everything on his parents they had their reasons yet that doesn't mean that it's justified to argue outloud most of the time and pay less attention for your kid than you with your job and arguments. Also I want to make that this post isn't here to justify She Li's bad actions against other people but to just look at him as something other than a snake, to look at him as a human and to hold accountable are both as important as the other is, and I don't want She Li to just have his actions bite him back but to also learn how bad his actions are. I want him to know very well that he hurt others and I want him to feel guilty and I want him to change, remember staying ignorant can not only hurt him but everyone else but learning where he made mistakes and holding himself accountable can help everyone not only the people hurt by him, us too will highly benefit.

⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙⊙

Hey so this is me- the present me since I don't do this all in one day (cuz I'm a lazy person) so I hope ypu enjoyed this analysis and I hope I made it clear enough that this isn't for justifieing She Li's actions but an attempt to try and understand him. Also I'm sorry cuz I made a post a long while ago about She li and I though he had a different illness than the one in the manhua and I linked a website for that illness, however I deleted the post and I apologize for the big mistake...

This is the link for She Li's actual syndrome if you want to know more about it.

Anyways this was my "Why is She Li a bitch" post- wait, shit this the wrong script...welp can't change it now I guess. Again thank you for 50+ followers stay healthy and don't be a bitch like She Li.

#19 days #She Li analysis #Thank you for 50+ followers❤#this was long I'm sorry #does anyone even bother reading tags or is it just me who does so #be careful of snakes #Mo Guan Shan #He Tian #She Li's parents cuz I mentioned them in the entirety of this post

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chetungwan · 3 years

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3 8 13 18 23 28 33 !

3 - Favourite "Resident of the Week"

Dr. Smith, who decided to risk death by hydrophobia and exposure in the Pacific Northwest rather than continue to be owned by Ærolith. An icon.

8 - Favourite piece of random worldbuilding / lore Adam threw into an episode without ever explaining or elaborating

And on top of all of that, we never even got a clear answer about the Tall Man! Why did it want Dr. Young! Is it still alive on Floor 13? How could it possibly be contained there; the things needed to contain FUTURE is very different than what is needed to contain an otherworldly horror!

13 - You have to be roommates with one of the main characters - who do you pick?

I'm picking SAYER, and hear me out as to why. I'm not going to enjoy rooming with any of them. Yes, even that one, I've thought about it and I don't think I'd like it. But with SAYER, I can at least argue with it a bunch and probably win several of those arguments. It gets emotionally wounded surprisingly easily. If I found a couple of weak points, I could jab them constantly. Listen. I'm not really. A nice person, sometimes. And if I'm forced to room with someone I don't like, better someone I can win against.

18 - Which of the canon character dynamics is your favourite/do you find most interesting?

I already said Matsuda and OCEAN, and I'm just going to take SAYER and Hale as a given, so now I'm gonna say. Brady and Young. Because it's just so funny. They're so petty. And oblivious. Guys, you are dealing with unbelievably dangerous forces here, please focus.

23 - Say you got through the excruciating employment process - regardless of what you would like to do - what job would Ærolith think you're best suited for?

I said tier one before, and probably something unpleasant. Maybe something that involved testing out my absolutely fucked up and overpowered immune system. It attacks everything, including myself. Maybe they'll just induce allergy attacks for "science" until I die.

28 - What would your Thought Password be(e)?

You walk into a room onboard a ship. You can barely stand due to the waves. In front of you is a needle you have to prick yourself on. Due to the waves, you can't do so careful, and end up impaling your hand on it awkwardly.

33 - In the parallel universe in which we get that happy ending where SAYER and Hale end up only somewhat grudgingly living together and learning how to be happy and care for themselves and each other - what do they call the stray cat that keeps showing up at their doorstep?

SAYER calls it Felis Catus, because it doesn't want to admit that it's attached to the cat, and pretends that it's just a random fauna sample. Hale calls it Cat and feeds it every day.

#needle cw #intearsaboutrobots #asked #SAYER

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a-leo-mbebe · 4 years

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Trigger warning:

Please do not read if mention of cancer, death, depression and anxiety are sensitive topics.

Hi, hello!!

Not that anyone noticed (but if you did, thanks, you're the MVP), I've been M.I.A for the past 2/3 months (maybe more...).

But here's why. Since the second week of January and to be very particular, since the 9th of January, my life went tits up.

Let's dive in, shall we?

Once again, if mentions of depression, anxiety, grief and death could trigger you, you still have time to exit.

Now that the warnings are out the way, here's what's up.

By the end of December, I decided that it was time for me to live my life again. What I mean by that is, for the past few years, it felt like I was just cruising through life, not really living it. My mother was extremely sick and I had to take care of her. Honestly, I'm glad I did, but that shit was time consuming and it burnt through my energy and will to live like nobody else's business.

Anyway, I decided to go to therapy to deal with whatever bullshit and better myself. 2020 was going to be MY year. Besides therapy, I started to be financially responsible. And I feel like every time someone starts to do something good for themselves, life is just like "haha, bitch you though".

So, January 2020 rolls in. I'm hyped as FUCK! I'm listening to Ciara "Level up", determined to live my best life. The first week was fine. Dare I say, it was fabulous.

I reconnected with an old flame and things were looking up in the romance department. I was learning what boundaries were and trying to implement that in my life. Work was okay. I mean, like I said, I was a 1000% sure 2020 was my year.

By the second week of January, shit hit the fan! Just thinking about it, I'm anxious laughing and I wanna yeet myself out the window, but let's power through it anyways.

Monday 6th, I got a call while I was at work (I think it was my father but not sure). My mother was going to be moved to ICU because one of her lungs collapsed. Quick background story. My mother has battle cancer for 26 years, but last year, it invaded her lungs and brain. She got treatment and we were a little hopeful. But like I said, Life has a bitter sense of humor.

So, I got a call. By the time I got home, the ambulance was there and my mother was being taken away.

When I got to the clinic, a lot of people were already there. After a lot of scans and whatever, I talked to the doctor and guess what he said. Well, if you guessed "there is nothing much we can do", you guessed right. So, yes, the doctor basically told me my mother was dying and they were keeping here just to help her alleviate the pain.

I don't really remember the times I visited her, except for two visits.

Once, she gathered me and my two older brothers to make sure we weren't fighting anymore. (I had some issues with my middle brother).

The second time, she begged me to take her home, but I couldn't do much, so I'll let you guess how I felt after that.

So three days later, she came back home. I didn't recognize my mother anymore. She was so thin and weak. She couldn't even speak or eat. This lasted almost 10 days... And then, she passed.

Once again, I was at work when my aunt called me crying, telling me my mother wasn't feeling alright. Right away I knew what was going on. One of my coworkers drove me home.

By the time I got there, she was already dead. No matter how prepared you think you are for these moments, it's never enough, trust me. It was as if someone slapped me.

When I came into the room, my mother was gone. Her hands were cold and she wasn't breathing anymore. The light of my life was no longer.

She was buried the next day.

Since then, I'm trying to find a new meaning to my life, but it felt (still feels sometimes) very empty.

I won't say it was a dark time, but it was. Depression hit me like a ton of bricks and let's not talk about anxiety. I avoided my phone because I was scared of it. Everytime it rang, I felt like I was about to throw up.

Allegedly, depression can mess up your immune system. I think it's true. I haven't been truly sick in the past 5 years, but the week following my mother's passing, I got a lung infection (v funny) and 3 weeks later, I had a really bad case of the flu. So bad, my father was about to force me to get tested just in case Auntie Rona decided to pay me a visit.

In the meantime, I managed to start a relationship (if we can call what I was in a relationship... lol). At first, it was good, so good, but then, it quickly hit the wall. The relationship just slowly faded. A lot of other things happened, but I'm going to keep that to myself for now....

If you made it all the way to the end. Thanks. And that's about it. I'm doing a lot better. Sometimes, I still feel like going to sleep and never waking up, but hey, one day at a time, amirite?!

#my writing #dealing with grief #getting personal #personal

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empressblogsss-blog · 6 years

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DEPRESSION SURVIVOR

Friday, October 5 2018

TRIGGER WARNING:

The aim of this site is for you to be aware with this topic and have an open mind to understand it. Therefore, this blog post may trigger an adverse reaction. If this post is beginning to upset you, I advise that you please stop reading it immediately and talk to your support team.

HELLO EVERYONE!!!!! ITS ME AGAIN!!!!!

empressblogsss!

And for today Im going to share a topic. And based on my observations it is now a current problem in everyone's life. A specific topic which is DEPRESSION!

Yes you read it right? To be honest, my reason why I blog this kind of topic eventhough I'm not into this, because I was also a depression survivor but I'm not those people who promote to harm themselves, so that I'm here. I don't know why but I have so many concerns to say and I think this is the only way. And for me to lessen this, let's talk about it! If you want it too? But I GAVE A TRIGGER WARNING OKAY?

But you know what guys? the sad reality as of now there are many people who suffer from depression and this is a crucial case to discuss because I read and saw a lots of post or articles with suicidal case because of this and I can't help myself not to share to all of you and my experience as well ! Guys, IT IS SOOOOO ALARMING!!! because even us teenager can experience this kind of painful world and sometimes they just want to end their lives because they think that it is the only way to escape the PAIN!!!

WHY!!??

Okay guys,lets start from sharing one of the most painful experienced I ever had in my entire life that resulted to depression!

When I was 13 years old, a grade 7 student. My life was happy, a perfect one. I have a complete and supportive parents, eventhough I am their only child they always gave what are my needs and wants. And they raised me as a good daughter, they did not spoiled me instead they taught me to be responsible.

At that age I had my first legal boyfriend, it was okay to my parents and also to him,the only condition they always said was both of us just study first. But life was not always perfect, there are people who was always talking at your back saying negative comments and sayings that might hurt our feelings like ;

"That girl, will be pregnant soon hahaha! Bet me! "

"Only 13 years old? She is too young to flirt!"

"They can't even finish their studies I swear, I will cut my index finger if they did!"

Those are the words I would never forgot that leaves a severe damaged in my heart. How do I know? I have a good aunty of mine who is always silent but observant in her surroundings. But when they question and make stories about how my parents raised me,I can't take it anymore!

"She raised by wrong parents poor her! "

"Maybe her mother taught her that!"

"You know, whatever the tree is, so do its fruit! "

"Maybe her parents don't even care to her! "

"You see she got flirt at the young age! I don't even let my daughter to that."

Then I started to breakdown! My parents are also affected with what we did! I WANTED TO SHOUT BUT I CAN'T!! I feel that I have no strength to do that. Im weak, overthinking started to ate my system. I am so young to experience this cruel world!

I also started to blame myself! I HATE MY SELF! I HATE BEING SO SENSITIVE with their words, gossips behind my back, making stories that are not true! I always cried at night before I sleep thinking random questions? Why there are people who are happy to hurt someone's feeling? Are they satisfied with it? What's wrong to be inlove at the young age? Whats wrong with us? Were doing our best to prove that they are wrong. Why they think that were going to do such things? Why they just not care about their life instead of us? I don't know what to do!

Can somebody help me? That was my mind always said because Im afraid to voice it out. Im shy to open up with my parents. So that I'm pretending. And thats my expertise, to pretend that everything is fine! Yes. I smile in front of other people eventhough I feel that they are just talking to me because they need me! A SAD REALITY! Despite of negative words I always hear everyday, I managed to wear a smile! BUT its killing me inside!

I know that some of people who can read this must say that it is not included in a depression case, but for me? It is. Why? Did you feel of being afraid that any actions that you're going to do there are many eyes focusing and just waiting for you to made a mistake? Did you feel of being alone inside? Even you have your understanding parents and your love one as well but you feel your empty because of those people still making your life a mess? Did you started to feel numb because of all the painful words and stories you heared? You are immune to absorb them and all you want to do is lying on a bed, crying alone?

IT IS HARD FOR ME!! MY MIND IS JUST LIKE A BLENDER MIXING ALL MY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS !!! And im sorry for being too weak to feel this maybe because I'm just 13 years old.

This photo hit me. It was true, monsters are inside our head sleeping and waiting for his turn to make you think like a crazy. Yes! I've once experienced that! The feeling that you are mentally, emotionally and spiritually dying and your physical body is just like a robot without a battery!

I suffered for almost 5 months. The doctor said that just myself, my love and my parents who can help me and take care of me.

AND THAT WAS HAPPENEND 5 YEARS AGO! I AM A DEPRESSION SUVIVOR.

And as an advice. Guys! I swear it is helpful to be more open to your parents, even it is a small problem. Don't hesitate to talk to them because a small problem can lead to a bigger and bigger and eventually it can eat your system. I learned from my experienced that only our parents will help us in terms of our downfalls. It is like, you think that the doomsday of your life is near but your parents will never give up on you and they will lift you up using their hands with love.

After I close my blog. Let me give you an inspiring quotes!

Whenever you feel any kind of pain, it has its own purposes. Just trust him! No matter how hard the situation is don't lose hope. Don't stress yourself. If you feel that you are tired, JUST REST! DON'T QUIT!

ALWAYS PRAY! Let God be the center of your life. He is more powerful than anything! He is our SAVIOR.

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