#I spent only 6 hours on that second one but it’s almost 4 am | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ethanmorales · 11 months

Text

Misconceptions

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Part 4 - Air

Pairing: Ethan Morales x fem reader 4.1k words Requested Tags: @arij3lly@hitoshislut@bjrmaybank@ghostfaceorgirlfriend @in-silverlake @misacc08 Warnings: swearing, smut

It's the beginning of a brand-new school year at Sherman Oaks high. The last year for some of us; me included. But the start of my senior year, ironically, is not the reason my legs are wobbly. Nope, that was all because of Ethan, who had knocked on my window for a late-night visit about 6 hours ago. There were a few things he wanted to try so… let’s just say, it was a good thing my mom had the night shift at the hospital.

It’s only been a week since our first time. Only a week since he admitted having feelings for me. Unfortunately, we didn’t discuss the matter further. My mom had gotten home after his confession, and he practically had to take his clothes and run out the back door before we got caught. We’ve met almost every day since, but we haven’t talked about us. We kiss a lot and of course we have sex, sometimes we even cuddle, and we talk about our days, but we never talk about what we are to each other and at this point, I’m afraid to ask.

I loved every second of the time we’ve spent together. But now that school has started again, I’m afraid. Afraid that things will go back to how they used to be. Afraid that a new girl will catch his attention. I know it makes no sense, after he confessed to having feelings for me, but the heart is a treacherous thing. You can never trust it. I most certainly don’t trust mine. It always makes me feel crazy most times. Or maybe it’s my mind that’s the problem.

It doesn’t help that it’s almost time for first period and I’ve not heard from Ethan yet. He usually texts me as soon as he wakes up. Today? Nada. I even texted him first, but he left me on read. So, I’m spiraling, just a little bit. I think I’m entitled to in this situation.

I glance around the hallway one more time as the bell rings. I don’t see him anywhere. At that moment, Devi links her arm around mine. “That was the bell ringing just now,” she said, pointing a finger in the air.

I ignored the sarcasm but let her steer me away to our first class.

“I was expecting some witty remark,” she said, when I didn’t reply.

I force myself to smile, “Sorry, head in the clouds today.”

“It’s okay, girl. The first day of school sucks. My sleeping schedule is so messed up from a summer full of all-nighters.”

I quirk an eyebrow at this, “Do these all-nighters have a name?”

Devi shakes her head furiously, “Nope. No name at all.” I pretended to believe her as our teacher walked in the door, closing it behind him. I look back to Ethan’s desk but it’s empty. I hide my phone under the desk and shoot him a quick text.

Skipping on the first day? That’s bad, even for you.

Devi smacks the top of my desk, eyes wide. I glance to the front of the classroom and see the teacher is staring right at me. “Sorry, Mr. Shapiro.”

He sighs, “You guys are lucky I am the coolest teacher ever,” he continues before anyone can respond. “Raise of hands if you completed your summer reading,” pauses, “Yes, the audio book counts. No, the movie does not.”

The rest of the class was a blur. A glance at my phone confirmed that Ethan hadn’t responded. The anxiety in my chest continued to grow as time continued to pass. At lunchtime I still hadn’t heard from him. At this point, I was angry.

Fuming, I stomped all the way to my locker, putting away my books and backpack for the hour. As I’m closing the door, Dominic Stryker leans against the locker next to mine. Dominic was an exchange student that started late last semester. Everyone was surprisingly welcoming to him, but that might have something to do with the fact that he’s hot. Mind you, I only have eyes for Ethan but if I didn’t, the windswept blond hair and bright blue eyes would do it for me.

But Ethan was very much the only person that I wanted, so Dominic’s presence only served to irritate me more.

“Yes?” I asked when he just stared at me, sweeping his hair back with his hand.

Unfazed by my tone, he smiles warmly at me, “Say, have you seen Ethan anywhere? He hasn’t been in any of our classes.”

I frown at this, “Of all the people you could ask, why would I know where he is?”

Dominic shrugs, “I just got a vibe last time, like you were into him or something.”

I huffed. “I am definitely not into him.” I say it louder than I intend to, and some people slow down to look at us. He waves at them, and they quickly carry on with their business.

“My bad,” he says, looking back at me, smiling wider, “Just a misunderstanding.”

I sigh, once I realize that I’m being snappy and rude. “I’m sorry. It’s not been a great morning, I’m a little on edge. There’s no excuse for taking it out on you.”

Dominic slides over the lockers a bit, cutting some of the distance between us; then lowers his voice.

“I forgive you,” he says, “but I might have to seek compensation for the emotional damage.”

I roll my eyes, but a smile does tug at my lips. “Whatever. I’ll buy you a soda. Is that compensation enough?”

He laughs and shakes his head. “How about a meal? After school?”

I suddenly realized that he was asking about Ethan to make sure he could make his move. And I basically gave him the opening. Horrified, I struggle to respond.

“I- uh

“She’s busy after school.” The voice was very close behind me. I turned around so quickly that I bumped into his chest.

“Ethan.” Even at my addressing him, he didn’t look at me. His eyes were fixed on Dominic. For the moment, I ceased to exist.

“I think Y/N can decide if she’s busy or not,” Dominic says, standing up straighter to look down at Ethan. But Ethan seems unfazed.

“I think you need to keep walking before I lose my patience.” Ethan’s words were calm, but I knew him well enough to know this was the calm before the storm. I’ve seen him fight before; Dominic did not stand a chance if it turned into that.

“Guys, please. Just stop. If you get detention this week, they won’t let you come to homecoming.” I was trying to be the voice of reason, but my reasoning was lacking in many ways. My audience could care less about homecoming, for one.

“I’m still waiting for a response, “Dominic says, ignoring my previous statement. “Food after school? I know a cool spot.”

Ethan pulls me to the side so that he can face Dominic without me being in the middle.

“I already told you that she’s busy.” Ethan’s voice was not as calm as before. His hands were balled into fists. I knew I had to stop this now or it would turn into a fight.

“I got a lot going on right now, sorry Dominic.” My words come out quick.

Ethan smiled at this, motioning towards me. “You heard her. Now go find someone else to hit on.”

Dominic’s expression was deadly as he stared back at Ethan, but then his gaze turned to me.

“I thought you were definitely not into him,” he said it in a mocking tone, air quotations in the air. I didn’t know what to say that could make this better, so I just looked at him with what I hoped looked like a silent apology. He just shook his head in disbelief as he pushed past us, finally leaving us alone.

Even with his departure, Ethan stays in place, still not looking at me.

“Ethan?” I finally say.

I jump in surprise as he slams his fist on the locker door and I see the metal bend.

“Oh my God,” I grab his arm and pull him away before anyone sees what he did. I haul him through the hallway and take a left, this part of school is empty during lunch time. I find the nearest door and push him through it. I lock the door behind us and turn around. It’s the faculty bathroom, I realize.

“Are you insane? Do you know how much trouble you could get into for damaging school property? You don’t need a vandalism strike on your records.”

He finally turns to face me, but the expression on his face is even angrier than before.

“What the fuck do I care about that?” he replies. Before I can start listing the reasons why he should care, he continues, “What the fuck was that shit about?” He points to the door, but I know he is talking about Dominic. I stay quiet for a moment, not sure how to proceed. I had never seen him this angry. Ever. But at the same time, screw him. I was angry at him myself.

“I should be the one asking you, what the fuck was that? I’ve been looking for you all morning and texting you and nothing. You ghost me and then have the audacity to throw a jealous scene over some guy asking me out?!” The volume of my voice rose with each word.

I half expected Ethan to throw more angry words at me, or to yell back at me, but it was the opposite. His voice low, he responds. “I dropped my phone in the toilet this morning.”

I stare, waiting for the punchline but he doesn’t say anything else.

“You dropped your phone in the toilet,” I repeat, not sure if I believed it.

Ethan let out an annoyed breath, “I was going to respond to your text, and I dropped it. If you texted after the first one that I read, I haven’t seen them. I left my phone in a bowl of rice.”

I scoff, “Your phone is waterproof.”

Ethan gives me a pointed look, “Not if you leave it in water for a long time, apparently.”

“Why would you leave it in there at all?”

Silence.

“Ethan, I am trying to give you the chance to explain.”

He mumbled something under his breath.

I take a step closer to hear him better. “What was that?”

Ethan shakes his head. “My parents were fighting again.”

“Oh.” Is all I can say.

Ethan laughs, but the sound is bitter.

“Yeah. So, I’m sorry I couldn’t get back to you then. But you letting this dick hit on you while I’m dealing with that shit. Fuck that.”

I suddenly felt terrible, even though I didn’t know what was happening until he explained. We kept ending up in this situation, always with a misunderstanding. But I knew the only reason this kept happening is because our communication was shit. Because I didn’t know where we stood.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize he was hitting on me until it was too late.” I finally say.

Ethan scoffs – not amused.

“What are we?” I finally ask, exasperated. As soon as the words spill out of my mouth, I regret them. This was the last thing Ethan would want to talk about with everything going on.

Ethan just stares at me. Looking beautiful and tortured.

“Sorry. Forget I said anything,” my voice trembles and I hate it.

Ethan steps closer. “Are you serious?”

I meet his gaze, but I can’t decipher the emotion in his eye.

“I said forget about it!” I start turning to leave, embarrassed at my outburst. Ethan just pulls me into him and kisses me. I’m too stunned to respond to his kiss, which seems to upset Ethan more as he pushes me into the bathroom sink, kissing me more aggressively. I give in and kiss him back. His tongue quickly starts a tug of war with mine as he deepens the kiss. After a moment of this, I can’t remember what we were arguing about in the first place. All I can think about is the way his mouth moves with mine, effortlessly. His hands on my waist, then lower, cupping my butt. I pull away for a moment, “It’s the teacher’s bathroom,” I said, my voice breathless.

“I don’t give a fuck,” is all he says, as he kisses me once more, then stops, “You asked me a question. I’m making my point.” I try to remember what the question was but then we’re back at it and I forget to remember.

Ethan plops me on top of the sink as we continue kissing. I feel one of his hands on my thigh and then moving slowly up under my skirt.

“Fuck.” He groans against my lips. I smile, knowing that he has realized I’m not wearing underwear.

“This better have been for me and not for that asshole,” he says as his fingers caress my opening.

I look at him, annoyed. Smack him in the chest. “Do you really think I care about Dominic?”

Ethan holds my gaze steadily and my heart flutters. Stupid body. Why do you have to react in the most annoying ways at the worst possible times. Who cares about his beautiful caramel skin and beautiful brown eyes. He is a jerk.

“I hope not.” He finally says.

“What?”

“I hope you don’t care about him. I hope you only care about me.”

My heart speeds up. “I don’t care about him or any other guy.” I start to tell him that he was the only one I care about, but I don’t get a chance to tell him. In that moment, he slips a finger inside of me and I gasp in surprise. Ethan holds my gaze as he slips a second finger in. I let out a shaky breath as he starts moving in and out.

“I’m the only guy who’s allowed to do this, do you understand?” His tone was a mixture of anger and lust. I was holding on to his arms for dear life as he pumped his fingers in and out of me, then he presses on my clitoris with both fingers, which makes me moan involuntarily. I claw my nails into his arms to keep myself together.

“Do you understand?” he asks again. Fighting the ache building up inside me and breathing heavier by the second, I nod.

His fingers stop moving suddenly, leaving with their absence, a vengeful kind of coldness and I whine in protest. “Ethannn”

“Say it.” He demands. I frown at him, annoyed.

“Fine. You’re the only one who is allowed to do this.”

He smirks. “Yeah, I am.”

I think of an insult to throw at him but never get to say it. At my saying what he wants to hear, Ethan’s hands spread my legs apart and he kneels, his head disappearing under my skirt. Still, I’m not prepared for the attack from his tongue.

Ethan’s POV

I’m not proud at how I reacted about that dick hitting on her, but when I walked over and heard him flirting with her and then asking her out… It felt like I was set on fire by some supernatural being. It took all of me not to pummel him right there. The nerve on this fucker; to ask my girl out. But what really fucked me up is that she didn’t immediately reject him. That felt like a stab to the heart. I wanted to burn the whole damn world down.

Once in the bathroom, as we threw angry words at each other I realized what the problem was. We both care too fucking much, but we also hold back even more.

Most of the anger in me dissipates at her words when she finally says what I want to hear, even if she only says them because I told her to. I don’t know how to say the things I want to say, so I decided to show her to the best of my abilities. I drop to my knees and in between her legs and under the shield of her skirt, I kiss her in her wetness. I hear her breathing pick up as I suck at her clit; her hand grabbing at my hair. I groan, turned on even more at the simple gesture. I loved it when she did that.

I pull away and she practically whimpers. “Don’t stop.”

I stand up and look at her. Her cheeks are flushed, her chest moving fast with shallow breaths. I feel more blood rushing to my dick. The pain is almost unbearable now.

“Hang on, baby.” I fumble with the button in my jeans. Once I pull them with my boxers, I let her look at me for a moment, the desire in her eyes just driving me to the edge. I pull her to me for a second, kiss her lips softly and smile.

“Now turn around,” I order.

She looks confused for a second, but she does as she is told. Her doing everything I ask her makes me so fucking horny, she has no idea how much power she has over me. Fueled by an animalistic kind of desire, I guide her to a bending position and hold her hips with both my hands. Without a word, I push myself into her. I see her grab onto the sink to support herself as I drive myself deeper inside her. I give her a moment to get used to the feeling since it’s the first time we have done this.

I can see her flushed face through the mirror and when she makes eye contact with me, I catch the silent plea. At this, I lose whatever is left of my sanity. I plunge myself inside of her. She moans and I follow, as I slip in and out. As I watch our reflections in the mirror, I see when she starts to close her eyes as the pleasure continues to build. I hate the idea of her not looking at me when I’m inside her. I pulled out and turn her around to face me.

“Don’t take your eyes off me.”

I lift her onto the sink again and hold her gaze as I shove my throbbing dick inside her again. At this angle, her head falls back when she screams. I grab her face to make her look at me.

“God, Ethan.” Her reaction eggs me on. I move faster, knowing I have a limited time to make her cum. I was barely hanging on as it is. Our breaths were labored as I continued to fuck her. You could hear her wetness as I moved, but her pussy continued to tighten around me so I knew she was close. I slid out a bit and positioned myself slightly to the left before I pushed myself in again. She screamed, loudly this time. I smiled at finding the right spot and moved faster. This time, as if we were in sync, we came together. Once we rode the wave, breathing heavily, I gently helped her off the sink. After pulling my pants up, I loop my arms around her and rest my sweaty forehead against hers. We both closed our eyes, trying to catch our breath.

“What I was trying to say is… you’re mine.” I finally found the words.

I open my eyes to find her watching me. Her face gets redder. I’m confused for a moment and then realize why she’s upset.

“And I’m yours. I thought that part was obvious.” I say.

Y/N narrows her eyes at me, and I laugh.

“How is that obvious?” she asks.

“I told you how I felt last week. If anything, I’m the only one that should be angry. You never told me how you felt about me.”

“I thought that part was obvious.” She throws the words back at me, her tone playful.

I smile and kiss her deeply.

“So how do you feel about me?” I ask after we stop.

I didn’t want to admit that it had bothered me so much. We’ve spent the last week glued to each other and not once had she brought it up, so I decided to not bring it up and make an even bigger fool out of myself. But the more days passed, the more insecure I became. That’s probably why I lost my mind earlier.

Y/N smiles softly and cups my face with her hands.

“I’ve been crazy about you for I don’t know how long,” she says. I smiled at her words, the heavy feeling in my chest finally easing.

“Me? But I suck,” I say jokingly.

“Yet I’m still in love with you.” She pushes at me gently, embarrassed. I grin like an idiot at her declaration.

I grab her face and kiss her again. Once, twice, three times.

“Ethan,” she giggles. I bury my face in her neck and kiss her there too, holding her tightly against me.

“I love you too.” I say.

When she looks at me, I see stars in eyes.

A knock on the door makes us both jump.

“Shit.”

Y/N POV

“Oh God, we’re going to get expelled.”

Ethan chuckles at this and I smack his arm.

“Just deny everything. They didn’t see anything so it’s their word against ours.”

I shake my head, “But the door was locked.”

“Hey,” he says, lifting my chin up, “You trust me?”

I nod and he smiles.

“Then follow my lead.”

I do. I walk slowly behind him, fighting the soreness in my body and holding on to Ethan’s arm when I notice how shaky my legs are. Ethan looks beside me and realizes. He gives me what seems to be an apologetic smile.

We moved to the door, which was still being knocked on. He turns the lock and opens it.

We’re both surprised to see Paxton standing there, swimming coach uniform on. I don’t think Ethan was prepared to see him of all people. He stays quiet.

Paxton looks at him and then me, almost trying to hide a smile.

“You guys should go. Now. Be thankful it was me.”

I let out a sigh of relief and so did Ethan. We started moving around him and out into the hallway, but Paxton put a hand up to stop me as I was about to walk past him.

“You might want to try being a bit more… discreet next time.” I look at him, confused and he elaborates, stepping closer to not be heard. “You were loud. Like very loud.” I blush furiously at his words and speed away from him. I heard him chucking behind me.

The end of lunch arrives at the sound of the bell and suddenly the empty hallways fill up again, everyone going into classrooms and their lockers to pick up their stuff at the last minute. As we’re moving through the people around us, Ethan’s hand slips into mine and he interlocks our fingers. I quickly looked at him in a question. But he just smiles. We walk to my next classroom, and he walks in with me, hand in hand, even though we don’t share this class. We get to my desk, which coincidentally, is next to Dominic’s. I understand now.

“Thanks for walking me.” I say, shyly. I hear my classmates whistling and adding commentary in the background. I sit down but notice Ethan hasn’t moved from his spot. I look at him in a question. He then bends down and kisses me long. I vaguely hear angry muttering beside me, but I ignore it, lost in the kiss.

“Good afternoon Mr. Morales. I wasn’t aware I had you in this class.” My math teacher had arrived.

Ethan winked at me as he moved away to leave. “I’m out,” he tells my teacher, hands up in surrender, turns around and points at me, “I just wanted to take care of my lady.”

The whole class reacts loudly.

I sink lower into my desk. Still, I smile. He was announcing to the world that we’re together, claiming me in front of everyone. I couldn’t imagine ever being happier than I was in that moment.

The End.

___________________

A/N: Thank you all for reading! You are bomb! Hope you enjoyed this little story of mine. I enjoyed writing it. Stay tuned for other fanfics and/or one shots about Ethan. ☺️

Stay awesome, much love xx

#ethan morales #ethan morales fanfic #ethan morales x reader #never have i ever #never have i ever season 4 #ben gross #devi vishwakumar #michael cimino #nhie #nhie s4

377 notes · View notes

bookworm-2692 · 1 year

Photo

After the absolute carnage and chaos of Session 3 and 4, I desperately wanted to see a graph of everyone’s life left compared to each other, and this is the result of that. I will include close ups of each session below the cut, as well as screenshots of the full (colour-coded!!) data. Updates: Session 5, Session 6, Session 7, Session 8.

Note that I’m using the times that everyone should have based on their kills and deaths, and not what was actually shown (since I know Tango was accidentally given 1.5 hours for his boogey kill instead of just 1 hour, and Skizz hasn’t yet received his 30 minutes for killing Tango), so we’ll see if these times are rectified for Session 5, or if I will adjust my graph to show what is actually used.

Before I show the close ups, I just want to explain the colours used. I picked a base colour for each team and then used a different shade of that colour for each member of the team, to make it easier when looking at a mess of lines. TIES are red because Tango made the bowtie on the tower red (and also because of the red tie in Skizz’s skin, and also Tango’s skin is red). The Bad Boys are green because of all their crops (wheat and potatoes and carrots so far). The Nosy Neighbours are purple because of Watcher-related reasons. Mean Gills are teal because of the coral reef and the warm water colour (and also Scott’s hair). Clockers are orange because Minecraft clocks are gold, and orange is the closest colour to that. Below is a screenshot of all the colour choices I had, and I labeled each one with the player I picked for it

Now for the close ups of each session, with labelling for where each player is at at the end of each session. The grey squiggly downward line is simply the average of all the players’ times at that instant, and the green, yellow, and red horizontal lines mark out 24, 16, and 8 hours respectively. There are no markings for the number of hours, but each gridline is an additional hour, so you can count up and down from the colour-coded lines.

Session 1 close up

Session 2 close up

Session 3 close up

Session 4 close up

So as you can see... there’s less than three hours between the bottom nine people, and a much larger gap from them to the top five. And all three of Skizz’s teammates are amongst those with the most time, so I don’t think Skizz will be first out if TIES play their cards right.

Next I am going to show the data tables I used to generate the graphs! I colour coded them so you can easily see green lives vs yellow lives, and also how often some people switched between them (and you can also see the single second Scar technically turned green during Session 3 before dying, which is also the weird orange vertical line on the graph).

There’s a new row every ten minutes, and every death created two new rows, the first of which is the times a second before the death, and the second is after the death, in order to create the sudden vertical drop.

Deaths are marked with red borders around the box, and time being gained is marked with a green border. All times are in hours and only display to two decimal places, but were calculated down to the second (and the times in hours, minutes, and seconds can be seen at the very left.

Without further ado:

Session 1 data

Session 2 data

Session 3 data

Session 4 data

I find this is a super good visualiser of all the green and yellow switches during the session.

And to visualise the absolute chaos of a specific ten minute segment during Session 3... below shows how much space the chaotic ten minutes takes up in the data due to all the deaths... compared to the entire two hours before it (remembering each row is a new ten minutes or a new death... so for a single ten minute segment to take up almost as much space as two hours, really shows a lot)

Anyway, I had an absolute blast putting all this data together and I’ve spent so much time since the weekend just staring at all the pretty graphs and data. I hope this helps other people keep track of all the death and carnage and times and so on, like it helped me.

#limited life smp #traffic life smp #24lsmp #limlife #i cant remember what other tags people are using for limited life lmao hopefully that works #anyway i love numbers and data and i made this and then couldnt show any of my friends bc none of them had seen session 4 yet #and then i remembered tumblr exists as a place to show things ive made #since my friends werent available yet #anyway follow me for more nerdy maths things or whatever #anyway :D this graph makes me so happy #the only illegal kill that was awarded time was joel in session 2 #no one else has counted #except for tango's extra 30 minutes #which got me thinking bc like tango had 42 minutes left when skizz killed him #but he was supposed to only be on 12 minutes #and i cant help but wonder. if he was on the correct time (16:12:xx) would he have tried to hide for another 12 minutes and go down to #go down to yellow naturally? rather than brute force lose an hour?#because obviously tango didn't think he'd be able to run and escape for another 42 minutes #really makes you think #also i hope they gave skizz his bonus 30 minutes from killing tango when they recorded earlier today #anyway i should stop rambling in the tags so i can actually press post and you guys can see my cool graph haha #also its 11pm i need to go to sleep too probably #edit: my sister wants me to mention that she helped me pick the colours lmao #thanks sister i appreciate it #altho i think i made most decisions and you just agreed with them but whatever #my spreadsheets

42 notes · View notes

1indigoisles · 4 months

Text

Chapter 2 - Excerpt 4

This excerpt and Chapter 2 - Excerpt 5 aren't going to be so action-packed, but Chapter 2 - Excerpt 6... well, that's when Land of Magic really begins. That is all I'm saying.

“Lila!” I called as I ran down the stairs. “Lila!”

Lila ran to the foot of the stairs completely clad in yoga attire, headphones on her ears, and a high ponytail on her head. And was that... was that a sweatband?

“Cassidy just called,” I informed her.

Lila went rigid, and I very nearly groaned aloud. I’d completely forgotten that Lila thought her sister still hated her. “What did she say?” she asked.

“Nothing about you,” I said, trying to sound as gentle as possible, “but a lot about Knightville.”

Lila’s shoulders relaxed for a small second before tensing again. “What about Knightville?”

And so I told her everything Cassidy told me, showing Lila the maps of Rhode Island. I myself had spent half an hour looking through these maps, one by one, and not a single label on any of them read ‘Knightville’. Cassidy had even sent me screenshots of Google searches on Knightville, where, sure enough, the only item was a ghost town in Utah. And I was pretty sure that if she had had the time, she would have sent every file of every well known geography book or atlas there was. Cassidy had known what she was talking about.

“B-but I-” Lila seemed to be at a loss for words. “what-how, I mean... I-if Knightville,” she breathed in, “doesn’t exist, or-or if the world doesn’t know Knightville exists...? Then where are we? No, how are we here? I-I... none of this makes sense!”

“Lila,” I said patiently, “you’re right; what Cassidy told us makes no sense, and I am just as confused as you are, but right now, I need you to be calm, or at least as calm as you can be right now, please.”

Lila, still breathing hard, looked at me, really looked at me for the first time, and gave a small smile. “You’re being so calm right now.”

I smiled back. What Lila didn’t know was that I wasn’t, in fact, calm. There was a tangled mess of questions, confusion and bewilderment at the back of my brain that I couldn’t afford to look at right just then; if I did, I would lose it completely, and losing it wasn’t an option. I would have to think logically.

And so I said the first thing my brain’s logic could think of: “We should leave Knightville.”

Lila opened her mouth and froze, as if she’d forgotten something entirely and my statement had just triggered her memory.

After a full ten seconds, she said, “we can’t.”

I frowned. “Why not?”

Lila looked at me, slightly dazed with horror. “Because we can’t. We couldn’t even if we tried.”

“But,” I protested, “you went out of town today, remember? To check out a bookstore for me?”

“I lied,” she said simply, “I wanted to, sure, but I just... couldn’t.” She suddenly steeled her posture, grabbed at my arm in a death grip, and started walking me out of the house, saying, “I can’t explain it. You need to see it for yourself; it’s not far.”

“What’s not far?” I asked as I followed her.

Lila didn’t respond as she opened the front door, dragged me out into the chilly night, and left it open. She was walking briskly, with purpose, and every step she took seemed to be a warning of what she was about to show me.

We walked along Scarlett’s house. It was dark, and almost invisible in the shadows, it’s age and overall shabbiness managing to make it look even creepier than Bleak House. I almost wouldn’t have even noticed it, if I didn’t know it wasn’t there.

We crossed it before I could think about exactly what that meant.

And that was when I started to feel it. The strangeness. The discomfort. It was like walking around in a room you’d never been in before when you’re blind and it’s dark. It was the chilly feeling of being in the very place you’re not supposed to be.

Foreign air on foreign ground with foreign soil.

Why was this feeling so exactly similar to the one I’d had when we came to Knightville?

********************************

Lila

We were nearing the end of town. Kenneth still looked oddly calm – a little uncomfortable, maybe – but still composed, the way he almost always did, as though he was the grown-up and I was the kid he needed to take care of. But the fact remained that I was still 19 years older than him, and that I wasn’t supposed to mess up, but I did.

It had been a mistake to move to DC in the first place. We were supposed to detach ourselves from family of any kind. We’d stayed there too long, and I knew it.

And here we were, me and my son, in the one place we weren’t supposed to be.

As we walked, the silence stretched miles long. Kenneth wasn’t asking any questions, which was a relief; I couldn’t answer any right just then. If I was in a normal state of mind, maybe I would’ve wondered why, considering what Cassidy had told him.

But what I needed to show him was important, if I could just find it.

The place was easy to find. It just went along the road, no turns, no tricky lanes. Just a straight path to the end of town. The exact place was marked by a tree, and that was also easy to find, because there were no other trees there.

I stopped when we had finally arrived, and turned to look at Kenneth, who was gangly like his father. He looked at me questioningly.

I breathed in, and gestured for him to take a few more steps.

And he did just that, slowly, for a few seconds... until he stopped. He couldn’t go any further.

And neither could I.

He frowned, and held his hand up in the air, which pressed against something invisible, like a wall.

His eyes widened in transparent shock, as he slammed both hands against it, slowly first, and then faster, more desperately.

“Lila...” he turned to me, and the look on his face washed me in guilt, “what-”

“This is why we can’t leave,” I said, my voice clearer than I thought it’d be, “there’s this... this Wall surrounding the entire town. I’ve spent the better part of half-an-hour trying to find a way to get out, but there isn’t any.”

Or at least, I had been told beforehand that there wasn’t any.

Kenneth combed his messy red-brown hair back with his fingers, trying to breathe measuredly, eyes closed and face turned to the cloudy sky, so I knew that he was trying to think.

I myself refused to think, instead just listlessly staring at what lies beyond the border; the continuation of the path, the sun, the people, the world. I had brought us here; had trapped us. This was my fault. I had told myself I would not think even then.

But then one single, solitary, mournful thought entered my head nonetheless.

Why, oh, why hadn’t I listened to David?

Enjoy!

Taglist: @jeahreading, @mayaheronthorn, @damn-this-transgirl-hella-gay, @margareturtle, @tys-kitty. The only ones who ever like my posts.

#Land of Magic #Chapter 2 - Excerpt 4 #Indigo Isles #Writing #Novels #Tumblr Novels #Writerblr #Writing stuff #Writers on Tumblr

8 notes · View notes

nicole-timey-wimey-stuff · 3 months

Text

Love and Pipelines

dbf!joel x reader

Dbf Joel x Surfer girl reader

Word count - 4.2K

Warnings- swear words, smut in other chapters (but not this one), suggestive thoughts and comments, large age gap, slowburn, forbidden relationships, fluff, awkwardness. My terrible grammar. Let me know if I’ve missed anything.

This will be a 3 part series, it’s a slow burn with Joel and reader. This is one of my first fan fics so bear with me, I’m used to writing non fiction usually.

No smut in this chapter but there will be in the next two, so no minors this is a 18+ fic. I know many have said they can’t relate to a hyper fem/ girly reader, so I’ve made the reader a sportier tomboy character, just to change things up.

Chapter 1

The low buzzing hum coming from your phone alarm rouses you awake, ‘6:00am is way too early for a Sunday’ you think. But it’s the last chance you’ll have to get in any practice, before your big competition. With a groan you stretch out your limbs almost cat like in your movements, trying to shake the stiff morning aches. With a groan you pull yourself up, grabbing your swimsuit and wetsuit from your wrack, and make your way to the bathroom.

On your way downstairs you can still hear your dad’s soft snores, coming from his bedroom which is closest to the stairs. Smiling to yourself you’re glad he’s actually still sleeping, recently work has had him up at the crack of dawn, and in bed way into the early hours. He works hard to provide the best life for you both, and you’re truly thankful for all he does for you, but you can’t help but wish he was around more these days.

Your mum left one night when you were only 4 years old, just upped and went. A single note left on the fireplace for your dad, explaining she couldn’t do this anymore, how she didn’t love him enough nor wanted to be a mum enough to stay. It broke him, he’d tried so hard climbing the corporate ladder, to bring in more money for a comfortable life. To bring her the life she said she wanted. But she left, with nothing but her indent in the mattress and a note.

So it was just you and him, and he tried he really did, he moved you away from the bustle of California life, to a fairly small but lovely beach house just at the edge of Lincoln City. Nelscott Beach was beautiful, long stretches of sand and great waves. The residents in your area were lovely too, mainly the older generation who have come here to retire. Mrs Myers your 68 year old neighbour across from you always made you baked goods, claiming you were too thin, “no meat on you” she’d say offering you the tub of whatever she’d made that day. You had tried to tell her being an athlete you weren’t thin but muscular, that you tried your hardest to keep fit and strong. She’d always just wave you off though, smiling as you took the sweet goods from her, usually to hand off to your dad to enjoy.

It was true though being a surfer was demanding, you spent half your time in the gym or out in the waves. Building muscle and stamina, pushing your body to the maximum it could handle, but this was your dream.

Ever since you were a little girl the ocean called to you, and whilst living in California at just 8 years old your dad started paying for your surf lessons, which turned into surf clubs, which turned into moving from foam topped boards to more expensive boards, to custom boards. He paid for it all, he supported you through it all. You never felt growing up that you only had one parent, he more than made up for it all. Coming to all your small kiddie competitions to finally your proper competitive ones.

Three month’s ago you came second in the three part competition at Florida’s PRO-AM championship. Which you were absolutely elated about! Even more so that it got you the wildcard ticket to compete at Billabong Pipe PRO, Pipeline in Hawaii. Which was terrifying but at the same time, you were bursting with excitement at such a huge opportunity. Not to mention a trip to Hawaii would be like a dream, your dad has booked two hotel rooms for two weeks, pretty much on the beach near your contest. The rest of the time will be spent travelling the island, finding great surf spots, waterfalls, hikes and cafes. You were leaving in two days just you and your dad for a trip of a lifetime!

And so you were practicing hard these winter months, as they brought in large waves to your doorstep. You were proud of how far you’d come, praying that Pipeline was your opportunity to finally get a sponsor. Grinning to yourself at that thought you grabbed your board and a bottle of water, leaving your dad a note on the counter ‘Catching waves, be back soon! Y/N’ and headed out the door.

The morning was dull, grey skies and a slight hazy mist, but there were specks of sun coming through the clouds, colours of purple, yellow and blue breaking through and casting golden shadows. You loved that morning sea air smell, the cool wind on your face. You closed your eyes and breathed it in for a moment enjoying the peacefulness, until a sudden truck door slamming startled you, causing you to jump and swing your board into the offender “Hmmph, woah watch it there kiddo” Oh how you wished he wouldn’t call you that ‘Kiddo’. Joel Miller your next door neighbour to your right and your dad’s closest friend. There he stood with that amused smirk on his face, all broad and handsome with his tousled sleep hair, having no right to look so good at 6:15 in the morning!

“Joel!! I’m so sorry you startled me, did I hurt you?” You rambled out quickly, feeling embarrassed for being caught daydreaming and for smacking him with your surfboard.

“No it’s alright darlin’ no harm done, you be careful out there, it’s quite rough today” he says pointing to the heavy crashing waves 300 yards from us. You were now praying your face wasn’t too red after the pet name, you loved when he called you darlin’ in that southern accent.

“I always am” you smile “Catch you later?” You ask. “Yeah I’ll be over watchin’ the game with your dad” he answers, “Great! See you then” you reply already escaping to the beach. “Later’s” you shout back as you break into a jog, leaving an amused Joel standing in his driveway.

Joel had moved here from Austen Texas, along with his daughter Sarah about five years ago, mentioning a fresh start for them both. Sarah was a few years younger than you, but you both made fast friends with one another. She has recently started college, something your dad had originally hoped you would do too. But after finishing high school your surfing career was starting to take off, as competition wins became frequent. So you made a deal with him, to pick up college once you’d come to the end of your competitive years. ‘You have great grades and it’s never too late’ he had said. Your dad and Joel had bonded quickly over being single dads with teenage girls at the time, they now help each other out and bond over football games and BBQs.

Standing on the beach you strap your board to your ankle, before running in. The rush of cold water runs over your feet as you wade deeper, placing your board down when the water starts hitting your waist. Throwing your right leg over you pull yourself on and start paddling out, pushing your board down at the back, in turn pulling the front up to glide over the waves.

When a particularly large break comes you push the front of your board down, diving under the wave, you feel the rush of icy water submerge around you, as you pull up the other side gasping, feeling air refill your lungs. You paddle out further getting yourself in place for when the next large wave comes. Unknowingly by you being watched from the boardwalk by Joel, who was leaning on the railing gazing over your every move.

Joel’s POV

He told himself it was to make sure she was ok, after all those waves were pretty aggressive this mornin’. But he couldn’t help admiring you, the way you showed no fear, how strong and confident you were out there. The way your sea bleached hair swayed as you ran into the water, how your powerful body pulled you up and over those waves, the determination on your face as you rode the wave to precise perfection.

You were beautiful, in such a different way to other women your age. You weren’t girly, or wore much makeup, you had a toned but muscular figure, strong thick legs which were powerful to push that board wherever it needed to go. You had sun tanned skin from hours out in the sun and ocean, in turn your hair never sat sleek, but in constant windswept curls.

You chased your dreams, worked hard for them, weight training, boxing, running. All to achieve your goals to become a professional surfer, and Joel admired you so much for that, for the commitment and determination. It just made you even more beautiful in his eyes.

He doesn’t even know when it started, these feelings he had for you. The ones that ate him up in guilt and anguish, they even stopped him from sleeping some nights. He shouldn’t feel this way about a girl half his age, not to mention his best friend’s daughter! God if Howard ever found out, he’d be a dead man! But every evening he spends at your house, and you joke with him and your old man, when you talk about your competitions with such passion, your goals with such drive. The way your face lights up, your eyes crease and those cheek dimples of yours show….. he can’t help himself.

Not only that, you’re just so damn sweet! You always ask about Sarah, how’s college going, if she’s happy. You always ask Joel if he needs help, or if you can grab him anything while you’re out shopping. You’re always smiling, even through the tough times, you have this demeanour about you to always look on the positive side, or what can you do to make the situation better. Your heart is huge and kind and fearless, and poor Joel he just can’t help but fall in love with you.

He’s Tormented by these feelings he can never act on, because for one what would a gorgeous, talented young woman of 22 want with a 46 year old man. In addition to that you’re Howard’s kid, his best friend’s daughter. But what he can do is watch over you, feign ignorance to others, that your his best friends kid therefore he worries about your wellbeing.

Y/N POV

You’d been out here an hour now, and you were beginning to feel exhausted. One more wave you thought, let’s make it a good one to end on. You felt it before you saw it, the push of something large coming. You turned your head waiting for the perfect moment, then you started paddling, moving your arms steady but fast to get into position in time. Before pushing up and onto your feet, you held yourself steady as you started to descend, the wave pulling over you into a perfect even if on the smaller side pipe. You crouched leaning into the wave, hand stroking the curl of it, until you came through the other side, hearing it crash behind you. “YES” you cheered! Absolutely ecstatic that you managed to pull it off.

You ran out of the water so elated, noticing Joel standing on the boardwalk you sprinted towards him. Pulling him into a wet hug “did you see that! Please tell me you saw that! Dad won’t ever believe me otherwise, he’s so worried about Pro Pipe, saying I can’t do pipe, how it’s so different to my usual competitions, his…. I’m rambling aren’t I?” you babble out at such a speed you doubt he understood a word you said. Joel lets out a chesty laugh, eyes creasing ‘gods he’s beautiful’ you think to yourself. “I did” he responds heartily, “You just remember me and your old man when you make it big alright” Joel offers. “Promise” you reply with a big grin, before realising you are literally soaking Joel. “Oh my goodness, I’m sorry I’ve drenched you!” You exclaim. Joel clears his throat detaching himself from your embrace, “Don’t worry about it sweetheart” he replies. ‘Sweetheart that’s new’ you ponder, face turning red for the second time today at one of Joel’s pet names.

“Come on kiddo, let’s get you back before your dad starts to worry” Joel said before walking towards your house. ‘Kiddo again’ you sigh to yourself, secretly hoping that he starts seeing you for the woman you’ve grown into and not the kid you used to be. You silently walk back to your house together, both deep in thought. Once you have reached your driveway, Joel turns to you with a fond smile “See ya a bit later yeah?” Joel asks “Gonna run some errands, then I’ll be over for the game.” He continues. “ Yeah see you later” you reply timidly, small smile on your face. Joel nods before leaving towards his house, you gaze at him for a second before reaching for your own front door.

You walk in to total chaos happening in the kitchen, your dad on the phone with his boss arguing over something, meanwhile smoke coming from the stove where he’s attempted to cook breakfast. You quickly slot your board into its rack by the front door, before moving fast to take the pan off the stove, turning off the heat and opening the window, wafting some of the smoke out. Your dad mouths a quick ‘Thank you’ before leaving the room, to continue his phone call.

You quickly run up to your room stripping off your wetsuit, hanging it out to dry, pulling on some sweatpants and a hoodie, before you begin cleaning up the mess in the kitchen, afterwards you whisk some eggs to make you both an omelette. You plate them up and place them on the table along with some fresh coffee, for you both just in time for your dad to walk back in. “Thank you sweetheart” he mumbles clearly frustrated about the phone call, and the cooking disaster.

“No worries dad, what was all that about?” You ask, “Don’t worry, hopefully it’s getting sorted as we speak” he replies, still clearly annoyed at whatever situation is happening, and you know better than to push him right now. “Ok well I did good out there today! Actually caught some great waves, one pipe even!” You exclaim. “Yeah?” He replies kind smile on his lips. “Yeah! Joel saw me do it too! So he will help convince you I’m not going to kill myself at Pipeline, I know your worried but I think it’s going to be really great for me” you trail off excitedly. “Joel saw you?” He asks his voice showing some confusion. “Yeah he walked over to check on me I suppose?” You reply, “He caught me leaving this morning, said to be careful or something as it was a bit rough out there.” You continued. “That was nice of him, he’s a good man Joel. Really cares about everyone in his life” he replies. “ He’s helping me do some work on the garage next month, I’m gonna split it into a double, it’s big enough. That way we can have somewhere else for you to put all those boards you keep collecting” he laughs, his voice amused even if he’s complaining slightly. “Hey I got rid of the foam topped ones! I even gave one to Sarah to practice with!” You exclaim laughing too, knowing all too well you do probably have too much surfing equipment. You share a smile before digging into breakfast, eating in comfortable silence.

“Joel says he’s coming over for the game later?” You ask while cleaning the dishes. “Yeah thought we could order pizza in? Make a night of it?” He asks. “Yeah sounds good! I’m sure one cheat meal before the big day won’t hurt.” You reply. “Great! I’ll send him a text to let him know, I think he gets lonely on his own over there you know? Since Sarah’s been at college.” Your dad muses, “Yeah I’m sure your right, maybe you should invite him over more? Especially once I’m travelling the world as a famous surfer, can’t have you old men all lonely can we?” You taunt with a giggle. “Alright you, go on… go pack or something” he replies shoving you along, you huff out a laugh. “Yeah I probably should get on with that actually” you announce before making your way upstairs.

The rest of the day passes slowly, you take a shower washing off the ocean. Taking time to shave your legs and condition your hair, goodness knows it needs it! Before getting yourself ready for this evening, you stand there looking into your closet for something to wear. You want to look cute, you want Joel to notice you, for his eyes to wonder over you. But your not a girly girl so you don’t own dresses or skirts, and you wouldn’t even know how to put them on anyways. You opt for low sitting, baggy legged jeans, and an off the shoulder crop top. Showing just enough skin to feel sexy, but casual enough to still feel like yourself. You move over to your vanity and apply small winged eyeliner and use some lip balm on your lips, again casual but still making a effort. You really want Joel to see you’ve grown up, that your nearly 23 and not that awkward teenager anymore, well not a teenager anyways you are still however as awkward as ever.

As you make your way downstairs you hear the distinct muffled voices and laughter, that belong to your dad and Joel, meaning he’s already arrived. You gather yourself together before walking into the living room. “Hey!” You announce yourself as you take a seat in the armchair next to your dad. “Hey darlin’” Joel says with a smile, “There she is!” Your dad replies. “Been waiting for ya to order this pizza, what you having?” Your dad asks. “Uh veggie please” you reply shyly. Joel’s watching you smirk on his face, “Still eatin' that rabbit food I see?” He teases. You blush at his teasing, ‘Is it hot in here you think’ “Yup, got to at least try and be healthy, maybe you two should give it a go too” you sass back with a smile. “Haha I’ll keep that in mind darlin’.” Joel replies with a amused grin. “Joel was telling me how well you did out there today, think your ready kiddo?” Your dad asks. “Yeah I’m definitely as ready as I’ll ever be! I’m super excited for this one!” You declare. “You’ll do amazin’ darlin’ you always do” said Joel, your always taken back by his kindness and support. “Thanks Joel I hope so, it may be my real chance at securing a sponsor” you reply. Your dad chimes in with “Does that mean someone else will be paying for all this expensive stuff that clutters my house then?” An amused look on his face, “Nah that will probably still be you dad” you snip back laughing. “Sounds about right” he scoffs.

The night carries on with banter and laughter, and once the pizza is all gone and the game is finished you fall into comfortable chatter. Your about to ask your dad if he’s all packed ready for your trip, when his cell phone stars ringing. He excuses himself and retreats to his study to take the call, leaving you and Joel alone.

You stretch out in your chair, unconsciously showing more of your skin as your top shifts up. Joel gazes over at you catching glances of your exposing midriff, wondering how soft your skin is, what it would be like to run his hands up your sides, to hold you close. He clears his throat and try’s to control his thoughts, but they slide straight back to imagining touching you, what noises you’d make if he ever got the chance to touch you like he wants too.

“Joel?” Your questioning voice pulls him out of his trance. “Yeah sorry sweetheart, what were you saying?” Joel replies trying to control his embarrassment of being caught staring. “I was asking if your ok? You kinda zoned out there” you ask. Your inner thoughts running riot, ‘was he staring at you? No he couldn’t of been could he? But he was staring straight at you, zoned out with a weird look on his face.’ Joel clears his throat again, then scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, “Yeah all good darlin’, was just in a daze I guess, long week” he offers. You nod offering him a small smile.

You dad comes walking back in with a grim expression on his face, “What’s wrong dad?” You ask worried. “Well sweetheart” he replies trying to collect his words and you can see his inner struggle, it’s written all over his face. “That was Mathew from work, it appears that Thomas has quit, just walked out Friday and told them he ain’t coming back. The problem with that is him and I were working on this large presentation. Which needs to be presented over tomorrow and Tuesday to the main investor, then the second part presented Friday and Saturday to the rest of the investors. This deal is worth millions to the company, and the investors will not reschedule. No one else in the company can catch up in time for the presentation, meaning I have to present it. I found out from Mathew this morning when you came home, but he was going to try and convince Thomas to come in just for the presentations, but it seems he won’t” He finishes waiting for your reaction, you however are pretty much speechless.

After what feels like forever you stutter out “ But but but, my competition is from Wednesday, our plane is at 5am Tuesday and I have to sign in Tuesday.” “ I know sweetheart, I’m so sorry. But if I don’t present this I could loose my job” he croaks out, emotion thick in his voice. “But what do I do? Do I go on my own? I can’t miss this opportunity dad, I’ve trained so hard!” You say, really now starting to panic. “You can go alone if you really don’t want to miss it, I know what this means to you, I’m just so sorry you won’t have support there with you” your dad replies.

“I’ll go with her” Joel all but blurts out.

He’d been watching the exchange between you and your dad, heart breaking at how upset you were getting, he couldn’t let you go alone, and he couldn’t let you miss this amazing opportunity. He hadn’t really let his brain catch up with his heart before he opened his mouth.

“Really?” You reply your voice laced with hope. “Yeah really, if it’s ok with you Howard? I mean I have no work scheduled for a few of weeks now, and I’d just be sat at home nothing to do.” Says Joel. Your dads looking at him while Joel explains, “Are you sure Joel? That’s a big ask, I mean I’ve booked two hotel rooms and a hire car. But you’ll have to take her to sign in Tuesday, then back for the event Wednesday, and I’ve been told the heats for the contest are spread over a few days, and that’s if the conditions are right, the trip is a two week trip?” Your dad explains. “I’ve also promised her day trips around the island after, there’s some spots she wants to surf, a waterfall she wants to see, cafe trips …” your dad rambles on, feeling distressed and guilty.

“Yeah I’m sure, it’s fine I’m happy to do it Hal, and she can’t go alone it’s a dangerous contest. She needs someone with her, plus it’s a huge chance for her to get the recognition and the sponsors she needs. It’s not a problem I can go, if you can get the travelling documents transferred into my name?” Joel replies. “Yeah I can do that no problem there.. is this ok with you kiddo? You happy for Joel to go with you?” Your dad asks. “Yeah” you reply “I’m happy for Joel to take me” you say with a smile. “Ok then, I’ll get the documents put into your name first thing tomorrow Joel” your dad confirms. “ I can’t thank you enough for this Joel” he continues. Joel just smiles at you and nods at your dad, butterflies start to flutter in your stomach at the thought of two weeks alone with him. Though your disappointed your dad can’t come, your excited to go on this adventure with Joel.

#dbf!joel #dbf joel miller #joel x reader #joel miller x reader #dbf Joel x reader #surfer girl #tlou #the last of us #joel miller #dads best friend Joel miller #dads best friend

2 notes · View notes

aeori-o · 4 months

Text

Happy New Year! 1/3 (Tumblr why)

My oldest posts that I did for New Year’s just started with that very simple title and I’m feeling nostalgic. But I also like the ‘Farewell’ of 2021 so I guess we’ll see what I stick with as time goes on. (Also dang, would you look at that, fucking COVID is still around.)

Part 2 || Part 3

It’s funny, the more time goes on the more I actually want (as in: I remember and am then driven) to get stuff done ahead of time. All through school (which was forever ago) I really struggled with doing any task that wasn’t immediate. Homework didn’t exist until the night before (and the only reason I didn’t forget entirely was because I talked to people who would ask if I was done and I’d go Oh Shit), any basic task anyone asked me to do I would forget existed because it couldn’t be done immediately (and I also chaffed under tasks being sprung on me out of nowhere that had to be done immediately). Now I get the urge to do things ahead of time, with the same focus and drive that usually only showed up when something was ‘due’. The former is still a problem for a lot of things but somehow my brain has decided that sometimes we can and will remember to do a task ahead of time and get it done.

Which is to say I am currently writing this from December 26, 2023 and whenever I get tired of writing it today I’ll pick up tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, until I post it. I just decided: Fuck it, instead of binge-writing this right at the end of the year we’re basically at the end of the year and I just want to chill the fuck out. I just had a mad dash to write something for my sister I don’t want to mad-dash write again. I think I wrote last year’s write-up a few days before but this time I want to be so deliberately chill. I just want to gently coast up to the new year. Which is good because I did a stupid amount of things this year and this has been the longest year-wrap-up I’ve ever done. Is anyone actually going to read this to the end? Maybe but these are mostly for me. I always like scrolling back through these and this year is a doozy. Who gave me the gumption to do so much stuff. And despite all that I just said It is January 1st and I am mad-dashing writing the second half of this and editing it.

Without further ado let’s get into it.

I dropped my goal to 25 books because I was in the last week of the year at 26 out of 30 books read like “yeah I can read 4 books in a week” and then I was like “yeah but… fuck it let’s not.” Why barrel towards the end of the year, panic reading books to reach some arbitrary number I set for myself. That’s not really how I want to read and experience books so… I won’t. I read 26 books this year and 17 graphic novels for a total of 43. Which is only 4 lower than my total from last year so despite reading a lot less that’s not bad at all.

I kept it the same as the previous year: Read for 30m a day, catch up days allowed. At this point what I usually wind up doing is reading a lot on one day and counting it toward multiple days. Same amount of time reading, but doing it in chunks. If I read for 6 hours on one day I highlight 12 days (30 minutes a day) on the calendar. That might sound confusing but my main focus is having spent the time reading and doing a task every single day just does not work with my brain.

I do it this way because the time-spent is the same but filling out a calendar like this is way more satisfying than just highlighting one day that I spent a lot of time reading on. Anyway as you can see my summer was largely spent not reading. A huge chunk of my summer my brain was taken up by wrapping my sister’s car (more on that later), from May to August I basically read almost nothing. It’s hard to remember to highlight in the calendar for other tasks I do (especially when it’s a task where I don’t know exactly how much of my time it will be taking up) but I do think it would be fun to be able to have a highlight calendar (or time track in some other way) to be able to see what I was doing when something didn’t happen on another calendar. I don’t have a super feasible way to set that up, though (as fun as it would be) so I don’t think I’ll be doing that.

Anyway, as always, I love the goodreads yearly recap:

Once again my average rating is “high” not because every book I read this year ruled but because I now use stars as a “would recommend”, “would probably recommend”, “my feelings are so Nothing I neither recommend nor not recommend”, “mostly don’t recommend”, and “do not read this” instead of the recommended level of how much I liked it. This means not a lot of books wind up below 3 stars anymore. I am also increasingly perplexed when I look at reviews for a book, see someone said nothing but good things about a book… and rated it three stars. It’s like dang, what does three stars mean to you.

I was shocked to see how few people had shelved The Game of 100 Candles though. I don’t know if people are scared away from it because that series is technically part of a table top role-playing game universe but the books absolutely stand up as their own thing. I’ll talk about it more in a bit, and then probably again when the final book comes out. But here’s the wall of books I read this year:

When I was thinking about what I read this year I could only really think of the books I had read recently and was like “man I don’t think I really read anything super good this year” but I did have some fun, cozy reads in there. So as has become custom I’m going to talk about some. Just so I don’t keep going forever I’m going to do a ‘top five’ kind of thing and then some honorable mentions.

As mentioned I was utterly shocked that Marie Brennan’s The Game of 100 Candles was shelved so few times and looking back at the first book, The Night Parade of 100 Demons, it’s only been rated 132 times (which is still 100 times more than the second book). This series isn’t done yet but it’s such a delightful and heartwarming read. It’s basically this quiet samurai from a smaller clan who has a lot of secrets he has to keep a lid on for the best of his clan and himself who has to figure out what’s going on with the demons/yokai in this village on the edge of their territory. Meanwhile another, bigger and more wealthy, clan has sent one of their much more extroverted scholars to the same village to also see what’s going on. They both have things to hide from each other but wind up falling for each other. It’s a really fun fantasy romp with a very sweet gay relationship that grows out of it.

Then the second book has them re-meeting and understanding the consequences of something they did in the first book so it also has some chronic illness (even if it’s magical and not 1:1 with anything in real life) representation. I’ve found both books very good so far and if anyone reading this is inclined to pick up anything I recommend I really hope it’s these. They’re so good.

So I really, really did not like Uprooted by the same author, Naomi Novik. A friend read this though and liked it overall and my sister-in-law happened to give me her copy (she didn’t like it) so I figured I may as well give it a shot and I was so pleasantly surprised. The way the faeries (which aren’t called faeries but whatever) work in this world is so cool, the magic is so cool, I really loved how the author managed to ride that thin line between everything feeling cohesive and like it ‘makes sense’ while relying on not overly explaining anything which means she had to rely on things ‘intuitively’ making sense which can be very hit or miss. It really hit for me and it was always fun getting to a point in the book where it felt like the plot was winding down only for it to get back up again. I was so delighted by this one I wanted to include it here.

Similarly I wanted to include this duology, The Assassin’s Curse Series by Cassandra Rose Clarke. I’m not sure I recommend them. The narrative voice is a little strong (I think it gets better in the second book but I also might have become desensitized to it) and overall the plot and characters aren’t anything to write home about. It did really scratch an itch I didn’t know I had for the most ridiculous ‘refusing to communicate’ relationship dynamic ever. I had a great time but I mostly wanted to mark these here on my New Year’s post because I read these a decade ago around the same time in the year and they’re a fun marker of how far I’ve come and how much the way I track books has come. I only had a rating for these from 2013, and now I have a long document of notes. I don’t know if I actually will reread these in another decade, but if I do it will be fun to compare how I feel then to how I feel now, and I wish I could have done the same to my 2013 self.

Going forward, though, I do want to re-read something I read a decade ago at least once a year. I think it will be fun especially once I start butting up against the books that do have notes written on them. I had a really good time with these and I want to continue circling back to what I’ve read before.

Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson is a great read even if you’re not doing the exercises inside it. It’s a self-help book which I tend to roll my eyes at (maybe that’s unfair of me) but Dr. Johnson uses examples from her own practice and backs up claims and theories with scientific studies. It’s a really solid and insightful read, it took me a long time to get through because with nonfiction I tend to be much more thorough in my notes and I was reading this at the same time as other books but it was a phenomenal read. Even though it’s catered to romantic-relationships I honestly think it applies and shows insights that are applicable to any close relationship (romantic or platonic). I really enjoyed reading it.

I don’t see asexual characters often so Loveless by Alice Oseman really touched me. It’s funny, the first time I encountered ace representation in a book I really didn’t like it. I was, unfairly, annoyed that the author hadn’t captured my experience. And oh boy do I see a lot of that in the reviews of this book online, non-ace people upset that the asexual lead “shames” sexual people (she just doesn’t get it, which is not the same as shaming someone). Asexual people are upset that this isn’t their experience and remember fellow readers there are other ways of being asexual even though this book pretends there’s only one! (The book is told from one POV, of course it only reflects one experience.) There were things I really related to in this one, and other things I didn’t but overall it was a great read and I am very glad that there is so much more representation to be found in books these days.

So my actual honourable mentions are: Legends & Lattes by Travis Baldree which was just a very charming, fun romp. I enjoyed my time with it and look forward to reading the second book. The Deep by Rivers Solomon which was insightful, depressing, and hopeful. It’s very short so if you look up the content warnings and think you can handle it I would absolutely recommend it. And Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata which is a very wild book that is maybe making an argument for fair wages for all or maybe ‘just’ a story about a neurodivergent queen, I don’t know.

The final two books in the Market of Monsters series by Rebecca Schaefer are on there because I mentioned the first book in my write-up for last year and while I overall had a really good time with the series (I find there’s always something almost relaxing about a book/series where the protagonists are terrible people) the ending left something to be desired. I’m not crazy about characters just going ‘yeah, we’re evil and we like it that way’ especially when the rest of the series was the character’s doing “evil” things because the other option was having evil done unto them. Oh well.

And Emily Wilde’s Encyclopaedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett is peeking in because as far as I can tell people love this book (it came out this year and has been popular) but it really didn’t work for me. I’m spoiled because Marie Brennan’s Lady Trent series does what this is trying to do but succeeds, I just could not buy into the fiction that this is this woman’s journal from out in the field. I would enjoy myself when I forgot it was supposed to be a journal and then get annoyed every time I was reminded. I probably would have enjoyed it a lot more if it hadn’t bothered with the “this is a journal” conceit (or if it had done that well) but what can you do. It is a fun book, I get why people like it, but it was driving me wild (in a bad way).

And before I move onto graphic novels here’s some fun stuff from storygraph:

Onto graphic novels.

Ducks by Kate Beaton was the standout one here. Really incredible auto-biographical comic. My Wandering Warrior Existence by Kabi Nagata and The Girl that can’t get a Girlfriend by Mieri Hiranishi which were both really interesting auto-biographical comics that both revolved around sexuality and identity. Kabi Nagata’s comics, in general, can be very stressful to read but they’re so good. And the rest were fun! I was recommended the Given series made by Natasuki Kizu by a friend and it was charming, it’s not done and I haven’t checked in a while if more is out in English but, while charming, it hasn’t really captured me. Harley Quinn: The Animated Series: The Eat. Bang! Kill. Tour by Tee Franklin (and art and colour by Max Sarin and Marissa Louise respectively) was a really delightful little romp—and I have not watched Harley Quinn: The Animated Series. The art is just so freaking cute and while I have basically no knowledge or investment in the DC universe it was really nice seeing Ivy and Harley together. Horizon Zero Dawn: The Sunhawk by Anne Toole (and Ann Maulina doing the art) was mostly just amusing, I think it came out before Horizon Forbidden West did but I happened to read it right in the middle of Talanah’s quest in that game so I read the comic and then got to hear Talanah tell me about it in the game when I played it two days later. And finally The Adventure Zone: The Eleventh Hour was fun and, like always, just made me want to go and relisten to the podcast.

I’m making my goal 30 books again, and if some unforeseen project takes up the majority of my brain space I have no problem with dropping it to whatever it winds up being at the end of the year. And my filled in boxes will count for 30 minutes a day again. I’ve been setting the goodreads goal for the graphic novels to 5 just because chances are I’ll probably read at least five but it’s also not a hard goal.

Last year I mentioned wanting to read one book I own in my tbr pile for every library book I took out and looking at the books (not graphic novels) 15 out of the 26 were ones I owned (or were in my book pile being loaned to me by others) so that’s not bad! (The graphic novels I am also less pressed on this front—I have a small stack of them waiting to be read but 12 graphic novels take a lot less time for me to read than 12 novels.) I am pleased to have 15 fewer books in my tbr pile! Granted, two of those were books I had read a long time ago so they were previously on my not-tbr shelves but… well whatever.

I’m probably going to be watching a few more films after writing this as part of the lead up to New Years (I did, I have changed the numbers to reflect that) but, once again, the amount of movies/shows/etc. I’ve watched has again worked out to be in the 40s. I have watched 46 things this year, which is the exact same amount as last year. I am finding it really interesting that it always seems to work out to being in the 40s. I am extra tickled it’s the exact same amount as last year. Film I don’t really feel any desire nor make any effort to meet any sort of quota each year, I just sort’ve watch what I want to watch (or what I get roped into watching) and for the past four years it seems to work out to low-40s every single time. I am so, so curious to see if this is some sort of bizarre fluke or if this will continue into the future.

Just like with books, because a year is such a long length of time, without tracking what I watched this year it’s easy to sit here at the end of the year thinking I didn’t really see much. But then I look at my list of things I watched and go “holy shit I watched so many good things this year.” The power of tracking things, it’s incredible. As for new films/films-I-watched-for-the-first-time…

There’s some films from this year that I contemplated including on the graphic just to have them easy to spot as a reference point in time—like the Barbie movie and The Last of Us—because they were such big hits and while there’s more I really liked this year I didn’t want to make the image preposterously huge (says guy who wrote this before writing later sections in which they made preposterously huge images). And I also didn’t want to cram everything on in the weirdest way possible like I did last year (why did I do that).

Steph actually had me watch Knives Out and Glass Onion on New Year’s Day (which I don’t remember but that’s what I wrote down) and I really enjoyed both! I had been avoiding them because they just didn’t seem like my kind of thing but I was very glad to have been proven wrong.

I feel like I’ve been mostly out of the anime/manga world for a long time so I was surprised to see how much I had watched this year. Most of it I watched with friends and all of it was a good time even when the shows sucked. Chainsaw Man also surprised me, both because it is (so far) a very good show (I will cry if there is some kind of horrible training arc), and because Steph recommended it after not being sure if they would even finish the first season. I am very glad they did because this show is wicked cool. And then Trigun Stampede was so good that I started re-watching the 1998 show, and then all the friends I watched Stampede with wanted to watch the 1998 show so I stopped, and then nobody watched the 1998 show. Trigun Stampede was overall a delight even if I am mildly perplexed at the 1998 show had way more female characters than the new show does (but also Vash isn’t putting on a weird lecherous front and is just Baby so, it works out).

I waffled on whether or not to included Dungeons & Dragons: Honor among Thieves because it’s not like it was life changing or anything but I had a really good time watching it, and I had a really good time talking about it. It’s just a really fun film that didn’t feel like it was bogged down by trying to be anything else.

The Green Knight I had wanted to see since it came out and finally got around to it this year, twice, because the first time I watched it with someone who will usually fight me on putting on subtitles so I just had no idea what 90% of the words spoken meant the first time I watched it. Despite understanding almost nobody I really enjoyed every other aspect of the film and it was surprisingly watchable. Gorgeous film, great acting, great soundtrack, all over a fantastic time. The second time I watched it was with subtitles on and it still ruled.

It’s been such a long time since I read Nimona. I read it in its entirety when it was still online for free so I don’t know how long ago that was. After watching the film I wondered about going back to re-read it online and found that (I assume since being traditionally published) it’s no longer available. I’m glad for the author but also sad that we live in a capitalist hellscape that can’t let things be free. I have yet to re-read the comic and still plan to but the movie is gorgeous. I am so, so glad that more 3D movies are breaking away from the default style Disney had established when moving to 3D that everyone seemed afraid to stray too far from. I am genuinely so thankful we’re getting 3D movies with style now. Not to go on a tangent but I saw some video (or maybe it was a post?) recently where someone was going on about how the different art styles movies are being made in is now ‘less special’ because everyone is doing it and I don’t understand how someone could think more diverse styles could ever be a bad thing. People don’t do it to be ‘special’ people do it because they see beauty in different ways. Anyway. Nimona made me cry three times. I absolutely recommend it.

And of course, Spider-man: Across the Spider-verse. I went into this not knowing it was a two parter and I think that’s my only real upset with this movie. I was getting so nervous toward the end when I realized the runtime was almost up and there were so many loose ends to tie up, and then I realized it must be a two-parter. I was relieved to be right but also wish I went in knowing so I wouldn’t have to have the HOW ON EARTH ARE THEY GOING TO PULL THIS OFF stress. Otherwise this movie is more gorgeous than the original and I’m really liking where the story is going. I’ve been meaning to re-watch it and haven’t gotten around to it (I could not understand Hobbie on the first viewing) but this movie made me realize that physical media is getting harder to get. All the big stores have basically eradicated their movie/show sections and replaced all of that with one little ��recent releases’ stand. Older things can still be ordered online but I am very nervous about all our media being in the hands of streaming companies and harder to own.

There were some other things I saw this year like, as mentioned, Barbie and The Last of Us that I also really enjoyed. Steph had me watched Midnight Mass which was sad but good. Vin and I watched the Lockwood & Co adaptation which was surprisingly good (and, of course, cancelled because why market something when you can just decide it failed). I’ve been watching a show called The Afterparty which I’m really enjoying.

I also re-watched a lot of things this year, many with friends.

I found out Vin hadn’t seen Moulin Rouge so I had to fix that. I don’t remember when the last time I watched this movie was but it’s so much fun and it looks like everyone had a good time acting in it. We had actually watched Van Helsing first (which ruled, for some reason in my memory this movie sucked but it was awesome and they do some astonishingly good looking stuff considering its age) and I can’t quite remember how Moulin Rouge came up (I am certain it was RP related, though) but when I realized the Duke in Moulin Rouge was the same actor as Count Dracula in Van Helsing that sealed the deal. I need to watch more of that man’s work, he’s a delight onscreen. I was also just totally shocked that it was Hugh Jackman as Van Helsing. I’m terrible with actors but when one I know is in something like this it’s always surprising to me.

Steph played the original Silent Hill game for all of us (which was also very fun) and we decided to watch the first Silent Hill movie afterwards as well. This was another one I hadn’t watched in years, I probably hadn’t watched it since I was a teen, and by default I seem to assume anything I saw a long time ago probably sucks. Once again I was proven wrong, the film’s not perfect but overall it’s a great watch. The costuming is incredible (especially for the monsters) which I did remember, but also:

Wow she looks awesome. Everyone was hooting and hollering when her helmet came off. (Shame about the jacket, though, and being a cop). And then Steph found us every lesbian amv they could with Cybil and Rose. It ruled.

We watched Darker than Black because, again, Vin had never seen it. I’ve rewatched this show a few times over the years and this is the first time I’ve watched further than Season 1. I didn’t enjoy Season 2 when I originally watched this show and never finished it, and still didn’t like Season 2 this time but the OVA for Season 2 was mysteriously really good. Izanagi’s design was awesome, though, even if nothing else was. The first season was also still really good, really cool, and I always forget about the weird this-must-have-been-inspired-by-Evangelion bit at the end. I will absolutely be watching the first season again at some point in the future, and maybe season 2’s OVA but not the rest. I’m not strong enough.

And I had the pleasure of showing my step-sister Howl’s Moving Castle. She had seen The Boy and the Heron and was interested in watching more Ghibli films and knew I liked them, so I decided to start with the one that everyone I’ve talked to lately says is their favourite Ghibli film (or one of their favourites if they can’t choose). It’s been a while since I last watched Howl and it was great to see it again. Steph and I also watched some more Ghibli films for New Year’s Eve and Princess Mononoke still rules and The Cat Returns remains as charming as ever.

I also rewatched Kill Bill this year which I enjoyed this time around a lot more than I did the last time I watched. Part of me is like: I should also write down my movie/show thoughts. The other part of me is like: Let’s not make homework for ourselves for everything we do. With stuff like this though it’s like man why did it hit so different. I rewatched some other stuff, too, of course but nothing I have much to say about.

I started 32 games this year and finished 32 (and 100%’d 4 of those). Spoilers: A huge chunk of that total number are Humongous Entertainment (HE) games that I played as a child. Let’s get into it.

I don’t know what happened last year with Nintendo’s thing but they are back to giving more info, unfortunately I barely touched my Switch this year.

By which I mean I played it a lot, but only two games. I think I almost exclusively played Splatfests this year after finishing the single player campaign and Pokemon Scarlet I have been picking at so slowly that I am still not done it (DLC just came out but I am still in the middle of the preceding DLC).

I’m assuming I missed the July splatfest, and I also missed the November one though I swear I chose a team so I don’t know what happened there. I guess I just got immediately distracted somehow. You may be wondering where Tears of the Kingdom is because everyone with a Switch played it this year. After hunting down a collector’s copy of Tears of the Kingdom, because I missed the pre-order for it somehow, instead of playing it I, for no real reason, decided I was going to play every single other Zelda instead and end it off with TotK.

So my 3DS and my N64 got more of a workout than my Switch did this year. For my Zelda-replay I mostly want to go in order but I wanted to start with the N64 titles first as those were my childhood Zeldas. Majora’s Mask is my favourite in the franchise, it’s the first Zelda I ever beat, and Ocarina of Time I never beat before starting this project. As a kid my friend’s brother would play on my OoT cartridge (his save file is still on it and I will never get rid of it) and then I’d just go mess around in his file. I was pretty familiar with the young-Link dungeons but almost all of the adult temples were a mystery to me. I got the 3DS version of the game at some point with the intention of finally playing OoT myself… and then still didn’t until this year. So I have now played: Majora’s Mask 3DS, Majora’s Mask N64, Ocarina of Time 3DS, Ocarina of Time: Master Quest 3DS, and before watching Ghibli films Steph and I finished off Ocarina of Time N64.

Images that make you feel nostalgic (I took this when trying to do the archery courses in Majora’s Mask because aiming is very hard when you only have one stick to do it on).

I don’t think I’m going to be playing every version available for the other entries in the Zelda series but as these ones have a special place in my heart and life I thought I’d do them justice that way. I’ve gone from knowing very little about Ocarina of Time to knowing where everything is in the game almost as well as I know Majora. I still think Majora is the stronger game overall and playing it like this it’s really clear to see how Majora, as a direct sequel, was improved on after Ocarina but it definitely has some totally mystifying problems that Ocarina didn’t have. (That said: The 3DS version ruins all the bosses in the game, they’re terrible, the N64 version is much better in how it feels to play. If you are going to play Majora’s Mask I recommend following a walkthrough, I adore this game but it definitely helps that at this point I know it so well that I almost never have to just wait around for things to happen because I can cram other things in if I have to wait for something.)

I don’t know how much time I spent playing the N64 Zeldas, but the 3DS does track that stuff and I played Majora’s Mask 3DS for 29 hours (sometimes a co-worker would play so I’m not sure how much of that time was her messing around) and Ocarina of Time 3D was almost 60 hours (so I’m assuming 30 hours for regular and 30 hours for Master Quest). I’m really looking forward to playing the rest of the Zeldas! My plan right now is to (finally) finish up some other games and play BotW as I play the oldest Zelda games just because it seems like TotK builds off BotW so I’m worried if I do those two in order I’ll wind up burnt out on TotK. I might not, but I also don’t want to risk it. Here’s my graphic for games I wanted to finish this year from last year:

Of the games I said I wanted to finish last year I was right in being so confident about Fahrenheit and Haunting Ground. As games that I was playing for friends it was a lot easier to be on top of them and beat them. Fahrenheit I even 100%’d because I have a weird obsession with 100%ing David Cage games (it was still a terrible game but was very fun to play with friends). Haunting Ground was a delight from start to finish, I know people want a remake but I’m not sure it’s the kind of game that would get made today.

.hack//G.U. I’m not too fussed on not finishing, it’s a long game and I was trying to show it to Vin so I’m not surprised it got lost in the shuffle. Pokemon Scarlet I’m also not fussed on having not finished because its DLC just came out—I beat all the base game stuff but haven’t done the DLC yet (well, I’m partway through the first DLC). That one I’ll finish this year, for sure. .hack//G.U. I’m not sure when I’ll return to it.

Horizon Forbidden West and Pokemon Legends Arceus I’m not sure how they kept slipping behind but I really want to beat those, preferably soon. I’m very good at getting busy with things, though, and then I feel too guilty to play games outside of times when I’m not doing it as a social activity with friends. I need to figure that out. Anyway for this upcoming year the ongoing games I have that I want to beat are:

I didn’t realize until I was reviewing this image that I accidentally went red-blue, blue-red, red-blue and I’m kind of laughing at how that turned out. I realize Folklore is more pink-y and Hades is really dark but the back and forth of red and blue games is amusing to me.

Three of these are the ones that slipped through the cracks this year that I already mentioned. Folklore I’m playing for friends right now (I’m having a good time but also what is even going on) so I’m pretty confident I’ll have that beat sooner than later. Hades I’ve been meaning to get back to forever, I mentioned it in my New Year’s post last year but maybe if I make it as a thing I can check-off next year I’ll actually get to it (or maybe not, who knows). And Tears of the Kingdom is here because that (should) be the last Zelda I play in my weird sudden desire for a Zelda marathon so by getting to and beating that one it means I’ve played all the rest.

Before I go over to steam I wanted to start chronicling the seasons of Fortnite I play through. I count each season as a game-played, and even though the experience is mostly social I still sink as many hours into a season of Fortnite as I would any single other game, so I wanted to start posting the season pictures as a memory-thing. Here they are:

And the most recent season is ongoing and won’t be done until sometime in 2024 (so I’ll post it on next year’s). I find it’s a fun social game to play, easy to hop on and off of, and while there’s a story the game is so gameplay focused that it really doesn’t matter if you do not pay attention to whatever anyone is yammering on about. I was shocked to discover there’s a community of people really into the Fortnite story. Good for them, I’m here to drive cars around the map excessively and be the quest-Adderall for my friends.

A friend had me try Destiny 2 earlier this year but I found the game weirdly ‘hostile.’ The gameplay itself is great, it feels really good to play, but the game does nothing to try and draw new players into the story in a way that feels good. We played for a while, I got up to rank 5 or something? Level 5? There was some weird progression thing and we got through all the basic-stuff and it was really trying to drive us into Lightfall-stuff (I think it was Lightfall that just released at the time) but the story was just incomprehensible. People are telling us to go places and do things and that some-guy is doing something and so on and so forth and it just felt weird. It didn’t help that I was having some bizarre computer issues at the time. I don’t know if I want to play more of it, honestly. I still have it on my computer and keep it updated just in case but I’m starting to wonder if I should free up that 100GB (jesus). Right now I really don’t need to, but I think about it.

The other social game I really got into this year was Plate Up!

I was introduced to it by a streamer, TheScareLab on Twitch, and it is so much fun. It’s a great game for me if I have a few minutes and don’t really want to get into something I can fire it up and work away at trying to make a fully automated restaurant (rng hates me) but it’s also very fun to play with others. Mostly it’s just me and my partner who play but sometimes other folks join in. The screencap is from their Halloween event I was delighting in being able to make hamburgers float in midair. There’s another holiday event on right now, actually, but I’ve been too busy with irl holiday stuff to check it out.

I love the steam recaps, both mine and looking at all my friends’ but I’ll just post mine here--OOPS Tumblr only lets you do 30 images per post and I'm unhinged, I'm unstoppable. To be continued in part two! I'll link it once it's up! Tumblr Why.

Next >>

#new year get better do better

5 notes · View notes

brokenfoxproductions · 8 months

Text

I really hate whenever people paint medical marijuana patients as just people who are using their health as an excuse to get high.

Whenever I was first recommended medical marijuana, I was 20 and had been in recovery for opiates and completely clean off of anything that had not been directly prescribed to me, at that point, for 4 years and I had had a previous incident where I had recreationally smoked with friends and it went horribly wrong because it interacted badly with a medication I was prescribed at the time.

My doctors began suggesting medical marijuana as an option for my seizure disorder because I had bad side effects or bad experiences or even severe anaphylactic allergy reactions to every other medication that they had tried since I started having seizures at 11 years old, and I was actually really nervous and scared about the idea and I had to be talked into using CBD for a while first to be convinced that it would be safe for me.

I spent one entire year using CBD products before I gradually started adding in low THC products and I noticed that the higher the THC amount I had in my system, the longer I would have in between my seizures and the less my PTSD would flare up and cause panic attacks or severe flashbacks.

Shortly before I turn 21 I got a medical marijuana card for the first time and I was able to experience my first year for seizure free in an entire decade. I remember crying whenever my neurologist told me that I was allowed to get my learner's permit for the first time because my seizures were actually under control and that he considered this to be the most effective treatment that he had ever seen.

Prior to being on medical marijuana and whenever I have stopped using it, my seizures present as episodes of multiple grand mal seizures that can last hours to weeks at a time, during which I have an average of 3 to 5 grand mal seizures a day along with anywhere from 5 to 12 petite mall or staring seizures in that same day. Whenever I am able to access medical marijuana treatment, the episodes in which I have seizures are usually limited to a single 30-second seizure every 3 to 6 months.

If we're being completely honest I'm still not super fond of the fact that this is the only treatment that I have found that works because it's not super convenient for me. I have to pay for it 100% out of pocket because it's not federally legal, and it's extremely hard on my lungs as someone who has had pneumonia multiple times and suffers from lung scarring due to ground glass capacities for mold exposure and because I have Barrett's esophagus which causes me to cough up blood on a regular basis. These long issues get exacerbated whenever I smoke flower products, which I tend to use as a default despite the fact that it doesn't work as well on controlling my seizures and PTSD because it is generally the cheapest option that still gets my needs met, but it's extremely harsh on my lungs and causes me to cough up blood and Gunk a lot.

But I would rather cough up blood and Gunk on a daily basis then have my entire day in a seizure fog not knowing what's going on or how badly injured I really am until I come out of a fugue state.

Also unpopular opinion but, while I absolutely do not support people who are pregnant smoking for recreational reasons under any circumstances, I'm not afraid to admit that I made the decision during my most recent pregnancy to smoke while I was pregnant and as a result my daughter was born 100% healthy and a full 10 lb, and I only had two seizures during my entire pregnancy with her, whereas I chose not to continue using medical marijuana while I was pregnant with my 5-year-old and I had multiple seizures a day with him and was on bed rest the entire time and almost went into premature labor due to my seizures three different times, leading to an emergency C-section after 9 hours of unmedicated labor while he was stuck sideways because I had a seizure after my baby shower that induced labor. I think that if you have a medical reason to stay on a medication, and your doctors agree, it's not anyone else's business and shouldn't be stigmatized. You're not their OBGYN, fuck off it.

People might not like it but my life and my children's lives have been changed for the better by these medications and these products. I'm able to be a parent and have a functional life and work and to be able to actually be a relatively normal person compared to being stuck in a hospital bed for the majority of my life because of this medication. I frankly don't care about all the hippie bullshit of it not being a pill or being natural or whatever the fuck, what I care about is that it worked and that it's made me able to live instead of just being miserable.

I would rather have the stigma of having people think I'm a pothead and being involved in 420 culture and having people judge me that I'm a "stoner parent" for smoking on my back porch during nap time or whatever then to have 5 to 10 seizures a day that are giving me concussions and putting me on bed rest and making it wear unconstantly having broken bones and scratches and bruising and other horrible fucking injuries that make my life unlivable.

If you really think that stigmatizing a fucking plant that has been used in medicine for thousands of years is actually going to help someone like me who has had seven different doctors tell me that this is the only thing that my seizure disorder responds to, you are literally just missing the entire point.

#medical marijuana #medical cannabis #cannabis #seizures #non epileptic seizures #intractable seizures #grand mal seizures #mmj #medical weed #legalize marijuana #legalize pot #pothead #cannaculture #disability #seizure disorder #pros and cons of mmj

3 notes · View notes

jup1tersparx · 10 months

Note

you underestimate my curiosity about my friends' successes- what was the negotiation about? 👀

ah excellent an excuse to talk more

OK. SO. context: i don’t post it much, but i spend almost every free second of my life drawing on my ipad like it’s necessary to my survival at this point. and; guess what happened a couple days ago!!! my apple pencil that i need to draw on my ipad with fucking broke and won’t connect any more!!!! right before the summer holidays in which i would be drawing all the time!!!!! and saving up for a new one would take wayyy longer than the length of the summer holidays. As you can imagine, this is, as the kids say, Bad.

my only option was to try and negotiate a deal with my parents to get me a new one. but this gave them a lot of leverage over me, so i had to be careful so as to not be forced to study 3847294874 hours a day in my holidays or something.

on top of this, i discovered a new drawing app which i found wayyy easier to use than my slightly broken version of procreate. HOWEVER. my parents have a thing on mine and my brother’s Devices which causes all but a few apps to lock at 10pm. Procreate was one of the apps that would not lock, but the new one would. i tried casually bringing this up to them, but they, concerningly, responded saying they werent sure about me looking at Screens at all past my bedtime. another obstacle in the way of me returning to my precious, antisocial normalcy.

while having breakfast, i pressed them to give me a set time to discuss these matters and they landed on 6:30pm. During school i spent my every idle moment planning exactly what i needed to say and how i needed to act to get everything i wanted without anything setting off my parents and causing them convince themselves that i am a hysterical teenager thats addicted to my Screens or whatever (personal experience :,) ). finally, after many hours of fretting and rereading my notes, the time came and, after countless minutes of hyperanalysing everything i was doing to make sure i’d seem reasonable and agreeable enough (and having to sit through them talking at me about school and studying and shit for like 15 minutes) I FUCKING DID IT 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

anyway thats a dramatised version of the events of the last 3 days so sorry for writing 4 paragraphs to an ask that could have been answered in one sentence hdjsjjdhfdjjdh (lie)

^ celebratory drawing done on the new program with my finger on account of. yk

#jupiter ask box #ignore the fact that the tense jumps around a lot during this its half over half ongoing

2 notes · View notes

theevangelion · 2 years

Text

Soulmates: Chapter XV

(Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

She had stayed at the park some long time past ten, just standing there, thinking and not thinking, until a ranger had appeared, uniform and khakis, somewhat concerned.

As it turned out, Southview Hill Park was a suicide hot spot.

Cat had laughed when he said that. She laughed, so hard, so violently, that it took her right back to her early twenties. The park ranger clearly thought this was strange, but satisfied she wasn’t a risk to herself, he let her on her way back down the path towards the turn that would lead to a footbridge, then a stroll to the gates that went back out towards city streets.

For all the things Cat knew in this world, this fact was fond and sacred and morbid in the second-most charming way possible, learned at the precise moment she needed to learn it, perhaps if only because the universe felt some semblance of debt it needed to square away.

She now knew why it was Southview Hill Park was the second most-charming view in the city.

And, sooner rather than later, she would take it to the grave, but there was no need to dwell or hurry things along—she had spent nearly fifty years living slow, idle, in her own distinctly Cat Grant way.

Why change now?

She took a car to her townhouse in the west district. The late-night visitor huddled near her doorstep was half expected, but Cat felt no fondness or romanticism for the display. She got out of the car, rolling her eyes, shoving her purse in Kara’s arms so she could open the front door.

“One hour.” Cat hummed. “You can ask whatever questions you want, but then you need to figure out a way home, and never ask me prying questions again, because that is still very much my area of expertise that I spent thirty years building a conglomerate upon...”

“When were you going to tell me?” Kara’s voice broke her heart.

“Never.” Cat remained firm. “Next question—”

“You don’t get to do that!”

“Why?” Cat snatched and turned around, rearing up close beneath the little girl’s nose. “Why do you feel so entitled to my life? For what reason, exactly? Because bippity-boppity boo—a tattoo showed up on your ass cheek one day?” She balked.

Kara’s chin wobbled and her tears refused to fall. “When did you know?”

“I didn’t,” Cat told the truth. “I didn’t until I did. I burned my birthmark off a long time ago, kiddo, you would be surprised how quickly you forget things with some determination and years behind you.”

“So I am…” Kara nodded and fiddled with her hands. “And you are…”

“Kara. Can I level with you a second?”

“Jesus, I would love it if you did.” There was a loathing, hateful fire in her gentle blue eyes.

It made Cat feel a little warm inside.

Almost resistant to the mere idea, Cat forced it away, told it to go fuck itself, shovelled and buried it dead until a certain sense of wherewithal found her again.

“You are so bright, so hungry for life and in love with the world, so let me ask you this and please—enough with the romantic bullshit—just think about your answer.” Cat swallowed hard. “How many happily ever afters do you really know? How many have you really seen with your own two eyes, enough to trust the biggest decision of your life to something as cruel and arbitrary as the universe?”

“Everyone, Cat. Literally, you fucking narcissist, everybody on the fucking planet except you and Lena Luthor get a happily-ever-after.” Kara grew red faced, shaking, too angry to contain any of it. “Here I am, caught in the shittiest love triangle in the history of the world, the literal worst fucking romance story in the duration of forever!” Kara pointed accusingly. “I was happy! I met Lena, and you knew, Cat, you knew what was happening and you let me fall in love with her anyway—”

“Your parents.” Cat felt her eyebrows knit with accusation. “What’s their marriage like?”

“Like…” Kara twisted and thought about it. “Like a marriage? They're quiet, content, happy.”

“Your grandparents?”

“The same.”

“And that's what you want?” Cat scoffed. “The same old safe bet? You don't want to be twenty, and thirty, and forty, falling in love in different ways every day, hating in little unimportant new ways every day?” Cat narrowed in disbelief. “It's cowardly. Beyond that, I am Catherine Grant, and I am nobody's safe bet.”

Kara stood there like a fool. Largely because she was a fool, and Cat never forgot it, but in some moments it felt more distinct and poignant than others. The youth. The age difference. The levels of life experience so vastly different between them that they were playing entirely different games.

It wasn't Kara's fault, Cat understood that, but it did nothing to alleviate her disappointment.

She didn't love Kara.

But for all of her mercurial ways, Cat wanted so much better for her.

“Soulmates aren't safe bets.” Kara's lips trembled in a different way, something other than anger stuck in her throat this time. “Love isn't...quiet or content! It is hopeless, peaceful, madly in love, blissful! It's not cowardly. You, Cat. You are the coward!”

“Alright.” Cat laughed at that. “Your friends? Do they seem… hopelessly, head over heels, madly in love, blissful in their little fairy-tale lives?”

“I don’t get what you’re trying to say…” Kara knew exactly what was being said.

“I’m saying that it’s bullshit, Kara!” Cat emphasised with boisterous, exploding laughter. It was disbelief, not humour, because it felt as though for all of her life she had been the only person in on this absurd joke. “It’s your Instagram page. It’s make-believe. It’s shiny, pretty little exaggerations because everybody is so fucking consumed with this idea of instantaneous and perfect love that when it dawns on them how empty and lacking it all feels…well!” Cat scoffed. “They must feel like they’re the only people in the world who feel such a thing—who have ever felt such a thing—because everybody else is so happy, shiny, and too terribly frightened to admit it either.”

“So, the entire world is fake other than you?” Kara stuck her hands on her hips. “Love isn’t real. It’s all a lie. You don't have a Kara-shaped birthmark somewhere on your body, and this is...what exactly?”

Kara turned and slightly adjusted the waist of her jeans.

There it was on her hip.

Funny.

Cat forgot, for just the briefest moment, what it was they were fighting about.

“Do you believe in free will?” Cat fixed her most formidable, mercurial, serious of stares and stepped forward to the optimist.

Kara scoffed.

“What does that have to do—”

“Do you, or don't you?”

“Sure. Yes, of course I believe in free will. I'm not...” Kara glanced around. “I'm here on my own conviction not because I think the universe is trying to spite you!”

Hesitant, Cat remembered herself, but she nodded at Kara's assessment of things.

“Do you think the woman you are is the same woman you would be if your life had been different, Kara?” Cat reasoned. “Your whole thing is your shitty little boring rural life back home, right? How it made you—defines you in these big crucial ways you need to process your life through and compare back to—do you think you would be the person you are today if you had different influences, or if you had made different choices?” Cat suggested with a slight cock of her head. “I made a decision thirty years ago that cannot be undone, Kara, because it led me to a lifetime of decisions that I wouldn't have gotten the chance to make had I prioritised something as stupid as a soulmate. Whoever that woman is on your hip...” Cat shook her head in repulsion where none was felt. “She isn't me, kiddo, not this version of me.”

“I think you’re right, Cat, because you are being a giant cunt, and I hate saying that to you, firstly because you are sick, and secondly because you are my soul—”

“If you say that word you’re going to find out the hard way why Anne Wintour tripled her security from late 2014 onwards.” Cat folded her arms. “I’m not sick, Kara, I’m just not yours. Thirty years ago? Maybe. I see that, sure, but I’m not some googly-eyed twenty something doing my first lap around the block.” Cat felt her eyes sting and she wished, prayed, hoped to god they would not reveal her.

“It’s not too late,” Kara whispered with reticence.

She was saying it because she was young, stupid, and life had taught her that it was her line in the script. Cat just shook her head, frustrated, ignoring the thump-thumping of her chest and the strange grief that came with a natural love she felt no desire or claim to.

“Kara, I’m sorry, I was nineteen and I made a choice. It was you or it was me, and I chose me.” Cat unbuttoned the bottom of her blouse and pulled it up to her ribs, tilting to the side, so Kara could see where it had one been. “I chose me, Kara, because it’s my life too.”

There was a puckered, silvered little scar that looked like an old burn. It was where Kara’s name had, indeed, once been—some long time before she had even been born.

The scar had healed, and over it, a new name had been tattooed.

Catherine.

“You deserve to be alone,” Kara cried, heartbroken, furious and without words for the things she was feeling.

“I know, kid.” Cat pushed a small smile. “But you? That does not have to be your choice for your life.”

“Good. That's good, because Lena Luthor is twice the woman you could ever dream of being even if you had batted a thousand instead of wasting your life justifying the nasty, callous way you treat people!” Kara seemed as though she was convincing herself more than anyone else.

It was a good thing, in Cat’s books, meant this whole ordeal would be just a little easier on the crybaby when it got to where it was all going.

Kara wiped her cheek with the back of her hand, adjusted her glasses and seemed to itch for a great escape through the front door she was stepping backwards for.

“Oh no, you're going.” Cat deadpanned, expressionless behind the eyes as she extended her palm. “But wait, I was just about to recite sonnets—”

“Fuck you, Cat. I’m going to Lena’s place, to a woman who loves me, and thinks I have inherent value and worth! You want to die alone, lonely, and without love? You go right ahead but don’t think you’re dismantling my self-esteem on your way into the grave!”

“Well fuck.” Cat reached for the bourbon decanter on the table, rolling her eyes, fond despite the temper steaming out her ears. “You know for what it’s worth I think you and I really might have loved each other to death. Sorry you were thirty years late to the party, kiddo.”

#soulmates #soulmate au #soulmates story #soulmate marks #supercorp soulmates #supercorp #supercorp au #supercorp story #supercorp fic #supercorp fanfic #kara x lena #kara x cat #lena x kara #catherine grant #cat grant #theevangelion

3 notes · View notes

coreytravelogue · 29 days

Text

Victoria, BC - Apr 1, 2024

4 days have come and 4 days have gone and now I am on my way back to Vancouver hoping that the past few days of escape and battery charging will be enough for me to get through this next little while which will only be more stress inducing for me for sure.

I arrived at Ocean Island Inn at around 9pm as I expected but I hadn’t ate in 9 hours so I went to a place I hadn’t been to since the first time I visited Victoria, Brickyard Pizza. It was expensive but you have to expect that with things. I ate some food, had my free beer at the Inn and slept in the same bed I tend to always have when I am there.

I should try to have a meal before sleep more often because Thursday night along with Saturday gave me some of the best sleep I have had this year and for the last long while.

Friday morning I started it how I always start my mornings; breakfast at John’s Place. I normally stick to French Toast or Eggs Benny and I still did this long weekend but added some variant. John’s Place tends to push gently push the specials on me because they know I how typical I am so this time I tried to accommodate but they made it real easy for me given that their specials were variants of French Toast and Eggs Benny. Friday morning I had a cranberry orange toast version. Very sweet but of course very good and the coffee I just adore.

Followed my big breakfast with walking around the downtown area checking out the movie shop, records shops and second hand shops. During my walk I started to notice something different about my favourite city that was different from how it was in November. The amount of cop cars patrolling the city seemed weird but as the day and weekend progressed I started to understand more and more. The homeless and poor element had also gotten worse in the last few months. There was always an element of this but not like this, it felt like almost anywhere you would turn poor people were there asking for change or a lighter sleeping in tents or cardboard boxes.

I was hoping to spend the day with my friend and her family but her boy was very sick so it wasn’t to be. So instead I spent the evening like I tend to do when all is done, go to The Drake and enjoy the awesome food and a certainly did. The night was then capped off by watching the new Ghostbuster movie which was greatly disappointing.

Sleep Friday and Saturday night was less pleasant, my nose problems have been flaring up a lot lately and those nights especially as I spent much of the night tossing and turning trying to get the septum in my nose level so I could breathe equally clear from both sides of my nose. After my regular eggs Benny I set out to do some light shopping but also go to see another movie but at a theatre I had not been to before, Capital 6.

The moment I set foot in that theatre I instantly fell in love with it. The biggest reason I never went in was that I always vaguely assumed that it was a Landmark Theatre because it seemed too big to be a local but I was wrong, it was all local. I watched Love Lies Bleeding and thoroughly enjoyed it. The most heart breaking part of it all is I found out later that day that this wonderful local theatre I just fell in love with was going to be closing down in the new year to make way for another condo that no one will be able to afford. It angered me, reminding me of The Fort Theatre back in my home town and was torn down simply to be a fucking dirt parking lot.

None the less I capped my night at the Drake, got lots of writing done and tried to sleep.

Sunday wound up being a bit of a day. I woke up, showered and nothing seemed out of place. Till I started going downstairs to the lobby. I noticed police tape was being wrapped around the hostel. As I got to the stairs to the lobby a policeman was there to inform me that the lobby was blocked off and I had to use the back door.once I got to the back door I realized something was definitely wrong I just didn’t know what. I wish I brought my friend’s pie with me because the police woman told me they are shutting down the hostel for the next 8 hours or so.

So for the next 8 hours I wandered around downtown Victoria after having a Turkey eggs Benny and eventually went to the craft beer market to have some hefes and focus on my writing. Much of that morning I was in a deep loneliness driven depression and no way to really let go of it when Heaven’s Galaxy by Kid Cudi suddenly sparked an idea of a novel for me. I desperately went to the craft beer market and spent the next 4 hours writing 10 pages and 2 chapters of this sci fi sort inspired by Kid and using my loneliness.

While I did not accomplish finishing a script or anything significant I did do some serious writing this weekend, more than I have in many years.

After 4 I was able to grab my friend’s pie and family’s presents and deliver it to her. Me and my friend spent a couple minutes chatting outside her apartment but I could not come in. Her son had a viral infection and she did not want to get me infected. After the exchange like with every other night I went to the Drake for a bite and a drink then back to the hostel which felt eerily quiet and subdued. Whatever that may have happened must have been really bad. In between sleeping I could hear cops exchanging words and patrolling around. It felt weird to be there, almost like I shouldn’t have been but I had nowhere else to go. Too many people have that problem than me and more severe so I have no right to complain but it was just an odd night.

And so here we are Monday morning, I had my traditional French Toast, checked out of the hotel and I am on the bus heading to the terminal. I want to try and get back home early in case I need to do any food prep but also give myself plenty of time to go to bed early.

Cannot stress enough how much I am not looking forward to the next couple of days and weeks. It’s all work related and will keep to myself but the only reassurance I can get from this month as all the shit should end by the end of it and a cousin is visiting. If my work drama does not end by the end of this month I don’t know if I can stay there much longer with the amount of disrespect I feel I have been shown through the the past 10 months and counting.

This trip was worth it in the end, I needed a few days of just rest, food and no pressure of anything. Outside of the hostel incident it was a calm and soothing trip. I wish it could have been spent being around those I cared about more but it can’t be helped.

I will be back in Victoria next month but only for a very short trip to see a concert. I may come back in July as well but I can’t say for certain. I can’t make any plans unless I know where I sit in my work situation.

Pretty sure I set myself back budget wise this long weekend but all things considered I did ok. I treated myself to good food, relaxation and peace which is what I needed and could do with more of but this is going to have to keep for me for the next while. I really do hope I can cap my 30s with a big trip but there is still way too much uncertainty in my life right now but looking at the sad state of Victoria it is a sorry un certain and rocky environment in Canada in general. Can’t say I am confident things will get better before it gets much more. All we can do is move forward.

Shazbot nanu nanu

#Spotify

0 notes

abishekmuses · 2 months

Text

The Power Of The Streak

I started doing yoga in 2021. That was kind of an inflection point in my life — I had just left a pretty dark and consuming chapter of my life behind and had just moved back home from Europe, where I’d spent the last 10 odd years of my life.

I was 27 and felt like I’d pretty much pissed the better part of my 20s down the drain. I was pretty anxious at a baseline level and wanted to make sure I wouldn’t be 33 or 38 and feel the same pangs of regret.

So, inspired by the atomic habits school of thought, i decided to embrace micro habits and make sure I stick to them every day, without expecting any results in the short term. I started with exercising and stuck with it for a good amount of time before the second wave of Covid hit.

It was around this time — say late April to May 2021, that I got initiated into Kriya Yoga — I had dabbled quite a bit in youtube spirituality by that point and was itching to do something practical — i.e real — to advance my spiritual journey. Watching videos, reading books, ingesting substances and endlessly pontificating just wasn’t cutting it. So, I got initiated and committed to doing the practice every day no matter what. I’d never done anything that consistently before in my life. NEVER.

I figured — I already know this is going to be good for me. It can only make me better. And it’s just 30–35 mins a day. If I can’t invest that much time towards feeling better and improving my experience of life, then, what am I really doing here? There was no way I was going to let my lesser instincts get the better of me against that foolproof, airtight logic.

Or so I thought.

It was bloody brutal! We were meant to do the practice twice a day for the first 48 days after initiation (what’s called a mandala in yoga) and then at least once a day for 6 months. The first few days were terrible! I realised just how messy and out of order I was internally. Keeping myself accountable enough to get done with the practice twice a day on an empty stomach with at least 4 hours between each session, and keeping this on with work and other commitments just exposed the extent of my internal chaos and disorder.

I was insanely stressed and fell sick multiple times in those 48 days. Anyway, I somehow got around to maintaining the streak. I maintained it for more than a year and a half. Sometimes, I would rush through the practice and not really give it my full attention but I nevertheless kept my streak up, for what that was worth.

Slowly but surely, I saw changes. Infinitesimal almost. But i did see them. My anxiety levels came down gradually. There were still bad days. But there were days when I was just able to wake up and get through the day without the dread taking hold of me.

It’s coming up to three years now and I’m still doing the practice. I’ve missed a few sessions here and there but keeping the streak intact for the first year and half meant that I never really fell off the horse after that — even when I gave the practice up for a few days here and there.

That set off a chain of changes in my life. It’s not like I saw my life improving in real-time. There was still a lot of struggle and angst. But, now, looking back, I see that the shift started there — with the commitment to doing the practice every day.

Now, I’m a big believer in the power of the streak. I’ve completed a number of streaks after that. But the one that started it all was the kriya streak. Now, my life looks very different. Not so much in terms of the externals — but in terms of my experience of life. I feel a lot more pleasant on a regular basis. I can handle emotional upheavals with a lot more grace and ease. My brain function is sharper — I feel less foggy and am able to recollect thoughts, conversations, tasks and facts much more easily. My anxiety levels are way lower. I still struggled with habits like compulsive sexuality, smoking etc for a while but they’ve settled down to a huge extent now.

Now, I do many more practices on top of that one on a daily basis. It’s insane how much of a change it makes to just commit to doing one thing for a few minutes a day, every day for a couple of years.

A few years ago, I would not have dreamt of this kind of thing — I would have dismissed a post like this. But today, having seen the results first hand, it’s hard to argue with it. But it still seems baffling though — hard to believe almost. Our brains are so fried with instant dopamine thrills that it’s hard to wrap our heads around the idea of compounding results over a period of time resulting from small, daily actions.

Well, there you go!

#yoga #self improvement #habits #transformation #spirituality #spiritualgrowth #kriya yoga

0 notes

aquoteamusetheword · 6 months

Text

Trip of a Lifetime – Epilogue

“Take care of all your memories. For you cannot relive them.” ~ Bob Dylan

July 2013

The quality time spent with our friends is what really made the trip special.

After our nightly dinner we shared a devotion. It started with a passage of scripture, followed by thought provoking questions, discussion, and ended with prayers of thanksgiving and gratitude for this place, this time and for each other. Johnni, Mani and the rest of the staff joined us on the last night. I will never forget their Spanish prayers; I understood about one in five words, it was beautiful. Johnni later told me that he had been the caretaker for over three years and of the hundreds of groups that had stayed at Racho de Costa we were the only one to ever invite them to share a meal.

Late nights were not spent in a movie room; they were spent in the separate movie theater. Two ten-foot statue replicas of the Oscars greeted us at the entrance. The screen was 20 ft. across and it offered 6 rows of viewing pleasure. I distinctly remember four things… 1. The thermostat must have been stuck on 62 degrees. After the 97-degree days this place felt like we were in an igloo (blankets were mandatory). 2. There was a real deal popcorn machine and five gallon red and white plastic buckets. If they sold popcorn in this size at the Regal it would require a second mortgage. 3. Pillows, there must have been over 100 pillows, so many that we often recreated the stuffed animal scene from E.T. 4. Every movie we watched starred Denzel Washington.

One last story to tell… the massage. At the beginning of the week four of us had opted for the massages that were offered. Now the trip was almost over, and after five days in a tropical paradise do you really need a massage… not so much. The ladies went first. The massages were under beach side open air gazebos. The rest of our party watched from poolside some 20 feet above the beach. It came time for the guys. When I approached the gazebo, the masseuse made it clear that I was over dressed. The masseuse looked away, held up the sheet and reluctantly I climbed onto the table and covered up. This should have been relaxing, getting a massage and looking at the beautiful Gulf of California. It wasn’t. The wind was every bit of 30 miles an hour. Keeping the sheet tucked under my legs was more difficult than making successful polenta in the appetizer round on Chopped. Now, I am not one to put my pastor on a pedestal, but mine was on that hill with a perfect view. Somehow, I escaped with my dignity, albeit less relaxed than when I started.

Leaving was bittersweet. I really don’t remember much about the ride back through the desert. Leigh only took one Ambien on the return flight… she was fully awake when we landed. But when we arrived back at home the entire week seemed like a dream.

“Lord, if You do no more, you've done more than enough.” Psalms 118:24b

0 notes

jules-and-company · 8 months

Text

starting a long post on tas so that that shit is wrapped

episode 4 : only the men being affected by the sirens ? (also everyone seeing women but bones only sees magnolias in blossom ?) then why the fuck do you send an all-male away mission party you absolute MORONS. and bones’s accent is definitely stronger when something’s messing up with his head (taking personal note of that for fic reasons). uhura and christine in charge ? YES. UHURA TAKING COMMAND ??? YASS GIRL. scotty is that you singing. in gaelic ??? 🥵 jesus.

episode 5 : it’s the tribble episode, so of course it’s a good episode. scotty’s absolutely haunted voice when he discovers the tribbles you know that man spent hours in engineering trying to get them off the engines. « tribbles in the ship, quadrotricitale in the corridors, klingons in the sector….it can ruin your day, sir ! » oh scotty my bud. i love that you’ve grown enough to take it one crazy-ass day at a time. they can’t really have the face expressions down but the voices are enough « we could still throw tribbles at them, sir. » « i thought vulcans didn’t have a sense of humour, mr spock » in That™️ voice. OH MY GOD THEY SENT THE TRIBBLES TO THE KLINGON SHIP AGAIN. koloth, in a really pained voice : « kirk…tribbles ? » jim, very grave, as if he just launched a nuclear bomb : « tribbles. ».

episode 6 : not another shapeshifter. i’m fucking tired of shapeshifters. ´hold on bones hasn’t been a bitch to you spock. there’s a big fucking problem then’. « you say i’m a man of curious habits, spock ? jim’s talking to a table. ». cat lady ? okay, i don’t know why i’m surprised. scotty gets attacked. « can you love this [tentacle alien], anne ? » clearly they haven’t heard about monsterfuckers. « will someone tell me what’s going on ? » me too scotty me too. « what manner of a beastie is that ? » ME TOO SCOTTY ME TOO. « if he had turned into a second spock, that would’ve been too much to take. » « but two mccoy, just might bring the level of medical efficiency on this ship up to acceptable levels » UNPROVOKED, SPOCK. UNCALLED FOR THAT LEVEL OF BITCHINESS.

episode 7 : sulu almost dying ???? thistle aliens ??? pterodactyls ??????? oh look, it’s an another self-proclaimed god fan of eugenics. FIVE METERS HIGH SPOCK ??? uhura, dear, scotty knows that he’s emptying the ship’s energy, he just doesn’t care anymore about what he’s gotta do to save these idiots. bamf sulu, we love to see it. what the fuck was that episode.

episode 8 : center of all creation ??? bones saying « jim ! what in the name of sanity is that ? » is on point. we outside time and space. omg life support is dead they're all dying. SATAN ??? spock turned into a child satyr and bones into a golden whirligig ??? THE ENTERPRISE EXPLODES ???? salem trial ??? ASMODEUS ??? aaand having a beer with satan. what the fuck was that

episode 9 : it the shore leave planet again ! and it's just bones uhura and sulu this time, and by god do they deserve a break. oh alice in wonderland again. and uhura singing, that's nice. oh- oh god. BONES PURSUED BY THE QUEEN OF HEARTS ??? the rotation bridge crew working their asses off to get them all back on board (hello cat lady). sentient computer causing mayhem again, how original. aw, bones worried for uhura.

SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE

NOT FUCKING PTERODACTYLS AGAIN PLEASE GOD LET ME GO. and a giant cat. what the fuck i'm so tired PLEASE. and a two-headed dragon, 'cause why the fuck not at this point. bones and sulu are gonna throw up from having to run for too long (i know the feeling). i think uhura just looked into the camera because she's just as tired of this bullshit as i am. also, the whole thing was just a misunderstanding with the sentient robot.

me : I’M TIRED OF THIS, GRANDPA

TAS : THAT’S TOO DAMN BAD ! *shows this*

episode 10 : the more i go into the series the more i wonder when will my suffering end. oh my god, mudd again ??? CHRISTINE DON’T LISTEN TO THAT PIECE OF SHIT. damn. dick really makes you do things huh. oh my god LEAVE SPOCK ALONE. HE’S GAY. nobody's believing their eyes and ears whenever spock talks about loving women it's fucking hilarious. scotty is getting pussy (literal) (the cat lady is all over him). and two rock godzillas ???

jesus christ spock

oh that’s the « now let’s talk about your heart my dear » by stoned-with-love-potion bones episode.

then it must be a fucking massive one scotty

when will i be free of follow-up episodes.

episode 11 : they all shrunk ??? because of some light ray ??? and then it’s just the lilliputians plot.

episode 12 : space bermudas triangle, okay. and klingons. scotty ready to fight them. then sulu passes out on bridge. ship taken in the weird ass triangle. no i don’t bother making sentences anymore, they don’t deserve it. i love how they don’t even seem surprised they’re in an alternate universe. spock being so excited about collaborating with klingons to punch their way out of the time-space continuum that he shows emotion it became weird. bones starting a brawl with the klingons because he just asked a klingon lady for a dance. they managed to punch their way through the continuum.

episode 13 : a kraken ???? SPOCK AND JIM KIDNAPPED BY THE KRAKEN ??? and now they’re sirens ??? and they meet the other merpeople. they almost die taking the antidote for the mutation. end of story.

episode 14 : special lgbt detachment (mission with just spock, uhura and sulu). that and they took warrior cats a bit too literally. there’s also a small reenactment of oppenheimer. they’re not even phased by that.

episode 15 : they beam down on planet and get attacked 0.7 seconds after. and bones gets crushed under a dinosaur’s ass. « spock, do you ever say anything straight out ? » YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW HE CAN’T, BONES. and stop bringing pterodactyls in, for the love of god.

only acceptable reaction :

episode 16 : super dangerous mission to retrieve a soul (???) and who do you send ? the senior commanding officers of course. NOT JIM SAYING "FASCINATING" WHEN THAT LADY - WHO JUST SAID SPOCK WAS UGLY - ASKED HOW HE FINDS HER. little moment of "i'm not leaving you and that's end of discussion" between jim and spock.

AND STOP IT WITH THE FUCKING PTERODACTYLS.

#*sobbing* THIS WAS ONLY SEASON ONE #star trek

0 notes

fox-daddy · 9 months

Text

Who's most likely to? (with my MC's Kyle, Bluebell and Hunter)

I am going to be awesnering most likely to questions with my MC’s Kyle the baby, Hunter the edgy and Bluebell the mother.

You can read more about them here; Tumblr post about all my MC's

In general a small intro for them;

Kyle; 4’4, wears a dragon cape and uses his small size to his advantage by acting adorable. This causes most people to see him as an easy target allowing him to see what their really like and showing that despite being small and cute he has a sharp bite and a sharper mind.

Powers; small and cute

Hunter; 5’10, wears a spiked collar and mainly blacks and reds, they try their hardest to give off a sharp appearance so people will leave them alone but once someone gets close to them they’ll protect them at all cost.

Powers: will be the first to start a fight

Bluebell; 6’4, wears mostly blue themed clothes to match their blue hair and eyes, a soft soul they own the only animal dr clinic in all Vesuvia caring deeply for animals a lot more than they care for people.

Powers; baking and animal care

1. Who is most likely to give all their money to charity?

Kyle.

Bluebelly pretty much already owns a charity trying to work on the health of the animals in Vesuvia. Hunter wouldn’t really give all their money to a cause.

2. Who is most likely to rule the world?

Kyle.

Hunter is close second but with their political power they would lose the throne as quickly as they were able to get it. Bluebell would give it up almost immediately.

3. Most likely to blow all their money on an impulse buy?

Kyle again. He would see something too big, shiny and colourful and if rent is paid he can scavenge the forest for food for the next week if he needs to.

Bluebell is too responsible about money and Hunter would have already spent it all on alcohol.

4. Most likely to buy a pizza in the next 24 hours?

Bluebell. Having spent the day working on animals and having a few more scheduled for later that night they would most likely buy it as dinner.

5. Most likely to have a million followers on social media?

Hunter and not for the right reasons. They would vandalize anywhere in Vesuvia and take requests. If someone told them to do the castle they would and then post about them being arrested when caught.

6. Who’s most likely to cancel plans at the last second?

Kyle and Bluebell due to something work related coming up and needing to do that. Like being called by the countess for kyle or a dog having eaten poison for Bluebell.

7. Who’s most likely to throw a fit during a game of monopoly?

Kyle because he knows Hunter is cheating. Or if it’s with normal people then Hunter because they got caught cheating.

8. Who’s most likely to bring home a stray puppy?

Bluebell. They own an animal dr place. They would give that puppy full medical and try to find them a loving home.

9. Who is most likely to sleep any where?

Kyle. He’s small and flexible, if he fit he sit. If he lay, he nap.

10. Who is most likely to be the first to die in a zombie apocalypse?

Hunter. Due to their past they wouldn’t want to kill and wouldn’t be able to fight back with blood everywhere without losing themselves and being overwhelmed. Or Kyle while Hunter hides with Muriel.

11. Most likely to pull a Kanye on an award stage?

Hunter. Not to try and defend someone their just most likely to punch someone.

12. Most likely to shave their head for no reason?

Kyle and Asra has probably returned home from a trip to find out Kyle has done this at least once if not multiple times.

13. Most likely to lock themselves out of the house?

Kyle because Hunter would break back into their own house while Kyle would be locked out.

14. Most likely to learn a foreign language?

Kyle he already knows one.

15. Who is most likely to be a poet?

Hunter, they have enough emotions to full an ocean and enough english skills to turn that emotion into poetry as dark as his sou- oh look a kitten!.

16. Who’s most likely to complain bout their ex?

ummm, hmmmm, Bluebell I guess? If their ex owns an animal they would bitch about everything they do to look after the animal not being enough because their petty.

17. Who is most likely to be the next USA president?

TUI! Jokes aside if Nadia’s route then Kyle otherwise none I don’t see how they would take over america. Or the arcana’s version of america without Nadia’s help.

18. Who’s most likely to listen to classical music?

Hunter purely for the dramatic mood. How else are they supposed to dramatically pose without the right kind of music?

19. Who is most likely to be a stand-up comedian?

Kyle but he wouldn’t be very good at it.

20. Who is most likely to be a world traveler?

Kyle due to Asra’s route and being from a small island. Hunter would also probably enjoy traveling especially in Portia’s route. Anyone but Bluebell.

21. Most likely to start their own business?

I would say Kyle but he’s my MC who’s most wrapped around being an MC while Bluebell when not an MC still owns a vet clinic. So technically Bluebell.

22. Who is most likely to live in the big city?

Bluebell or Kyle. Hunter wouldn’t do well in the city.

23. Who is most likely to be your best friend forever?

KYLE! Small little cutie. Hunter is also close if you can earn their friendship then they would protect you with their life.

24. Who is most likely to have the most piercings?

Hunter especially if in a drunk bet with Julian or Lucio. In general also Hunter. Kyle would avoid getting piercings and Bluebell would probably have one.

25. Most likely to become a professional gambler?

Hunter, they has the least to lose out of the three of them and the most to gain. Also they would be really quick to pick up on how the odds work.

26. Who’s most likely to pass out while playing a drinking game?

Kyle and Hunter are a draw here. Hunter not knowing their limit and ending up passed out and Kyle if he’s in a ‘I need to win’ mentality.

27. Who is most likely to spike your drink to get you into fun mode?

HUNTER! MF Hunter probably has done this to Kyle, Bluebell, Lucio, Julian, Asra(but it failed), Nadia(but it failed), Porita(but it failed) the only one safe is Muriel and only because they respect his limits and don’t want to push him.

28. Who is most likely to cook a Romanic meal?

Kyle and Bluebell are tied. Bluebell is a great cook and would flex by cooking their LI favourite meal in a purely romantic act. Kyle would get into a cooking mode and either make a meal themselves or if for Nadia would help the chefs.

29. Who is most likely to change cities for their LI?

All three are tied here depending on if their in MC mode or not. If not then Bluebell would be the least likely.

30. Who is most likely to get arrested?

Hunter for something stupid. Kyle for stealing a barrel of cider EVERY SINGLE MASQURADE he has gone to.

31. Who is most likely to start a fire?

Kyle by accident and Hunter on purpose

32. Who is most likely to go surfing?

Bluebell is probably the only one who knows how to surf.

33. Who is most likely to cheat on a partner?

Hunter while drunk and most likely while dating Julian. Reason? This dude has facial blindness and would drunkenly assume someone who looks a little too much like Julian was Julian and regret it later. Kyle would get one awkward flirt out and then feel like shit and go cry to their LI while apologizing. Bluebell would flirt but never take it beyond that.

34. Who is most likely to cheat on a test?

Hunter, this dude doesn't care about tests. Even drug tests when they have nothing to hide they would still cheat.

35. Who is most likely to talk in their sleep?

Kyle would whisper little things in his sleep whenever he has particularly intense dream. Hunter doesn't talk in their sleep at all but does whimper, Bluebell is quiet enough to freak out even Muriel.

36. Who is most likely to get a weird tattoo?

Kyle while dating Asra or Hunter in general

37. Who’s more likely to become a stay-at-home parent?

Kyle and Hunter. Kyle due to looking after the kids from the shop and Hunter because they enjoy staying at home anyway.

38. Who’s most likely to get away with the most stuff?

Kyle because he’s the most charismatic out of the three of them.

39. Who’s most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse?

Bluebell due to being strong and resourceful without caring as much about killing or abandoning someone if they got bit.

40. Who’s most likely to disappear and then act like nothing happened?

Kyle and he has already done this to Asra without realizing it way too many times while recovering from amnesia. There's a reason they had to hold hands while going out anywhere.

41. Most likely to accidentally find the cure for cancer?

Bluebell while trying to find a cure for something unrelated affecting the local strays.

32. Who’s most likely to become a Dr?

Bluebell followed by Kyle. Since Kyle become a Dr during the plague and Bluebell become a Dr to become an animal Dr.

43. Who is most likely to be killed first in a horror movie?

Hunter because they went out to confront the killer in an epic duel that seems like it could go either way until they get killed.

44. Who’s most likely to start an only fans?

Bluebell but they wouldn’t use it for NSFW instead post pictures of the animals they helped with tips and tricks for helping look after animals.

45. Who’s most likely to get away with murder?

Hunter technically already has, having been an executioner for a gang before running away to Vesuvia. Although they feel sick at thinking of blood and murdering so maybe Bluebell.

46. Who’s most likely to start an argument because it’s funny?

Hunter. Most likely with Julian about soup.

47. Who’s most likely to go viral on TikTok?

Kyle for something stupid like yelling at a Karen or Hunter for being a badass.

48. Who’s most likely to flirt with a parent of one of their friends?

Hunter, this dude would flirt with Mazelinka just to see Julian’s reaction they would flirt with one of Nadia’s sisters just to see what happens. Would the flirts be serious? Fuck no! They would make it as clear as they could their not actually flirting and it’s all a joke. But out of the 3 of them is most likely to do it.

49. Who’s most likely to jump from a moving train?

Kyle and Hunter. Kyle because he’s being chased and sees a bush and Hunter to see what it’s like and if it’s as cool as in the movies.

50. Who’s most likely to flirt with a guard after being pulled over?

Hunter and Bluebell. Hunter is most likely to try and get out of whatever crime they were caught committing and Bluebell is because that’s not one of Lucio’s prized birds in their jacket they're just happy to see the guard.

#the arcana game #the arcana mc #the arcana apprentice #the arcana spoilers #the arcana original character #fan apprentice #who's most likely to

0 notes

iamrubyjanerabaca · 9 months

Text

2023.7. 5 HALF

Half of the year has gone by and today is just another appointment day at the base. It’s crazy how far have I gone through. I never thought I would be doing these things.

A lot has happened in 6 months. I got to travel with my then boyfriend now husband without having to think about money because he paid for everything. Okay background story before we left for that winter break, we got into a fight and it really scared me but I surrendered immediately. My husband found out that I was still talking to my ex and he didn’t like it. We have very different mindset about relationships, I used to think there’s nothing wrong with still being friends with your ex but then I realized how hurt my husband was and he literally told me “I am not an option!”. That was my awakening. I immediately said sorry because in that instant God told me to surrender it to him and I did. My husband and I prayed together and he stayed. Fast forward, here we are : married.

Married. Wow. It’s a word I have been longing for a long long time and God has truly fulfilled his promise. I knew then that it was undeserved grace for me when my husband chose to stay and fought for us giving us another chance. I knew it wasn’t just my husband, I knew it was God and I thank God for allowing my husband to stay and for allowing us to enjoy what we have now.

Tomorrow, we will be 2 months married. When God moves, he moves in mysterious ways. I never thought I would be married to someone whom I’ve only known less than a year.

3 months of knowing each other through email, decided to date each other, spent 3 weekends together before he goes back to a 4 month deployment and back to emailing each other again everyday (this time). Came back from deployment, spent weekends together before our actual trip to Kansai area. Spent Christmas together, enjoyed the snow in Hiroshima, met his friends, met my friends, enjoying each other’s time. Then talked about what I mentioned above and went on a trip. Known each other better. Talked about the future, started talking about getting married. Timelines and plans. He tested positive for H. Pylori, got more serious about getting married and timelines where and how are we going to make the paper work. Started to do the paperwork through his command and it didn’t work, got led to a person who was also processing the same thing as we do. He was taught how to do the online ceremony and it’s legal. Prayed about it as it was going fast and decided to get married. Engaged and I broke the ring and he was just laughing coz the ring was cheap so it didn’t really bother him. I cried but he laughed. I had to get it fixed and I couldn’t find a place to get it fixed. The day before our wedding, we went out late to find our rings, engagement ring included. He chose the ring I wanted, I didn’t need a fancy one. I don’t need big stones. I just want to get married and we did. He got orders to go back to the states. We were left with just a month to spend time together and before his flight. Sent him off to fly through a military plane back to the states. Spent the night together before his flight traveled for an hour to get to the airport and saw my kids in school while in train. He looked happy to see my kids and wasn’t even bothered when I spent 20mins talking to my kids. He’s the sweetest. He left and now it’s been almost a month since he left and I am just truly grateful for what the Lord has done to my life. Insurmountable blessings over blessings in the first half of 2023. I don’t know what is in-store for us in this second half of the year.

But all glory to God. We will continue to pray and hope and have faith that God will bring us back to each other’s arms. For now, we just want to spend more time talking and resting our case in our God’s hands.

Truly, our God is amazing.

#navy wife #godgirl #thoughts #thriving #faith #thrivingwomanofgod #blessed #grateful #jesuslovesyou

0 notes

memorylang · 1 year

Text

Bittersweet Being Back | #62 | October 2022

In real-time, Tsagaan Sar 2023 has just passed, and today, March 6, 2O23, marks the third anniversary of the day I crossed the world from Mongolia back to America when COVID-I9 broke out. But in blog time, I’m still working through recounting my first 2O22 days back in Mongolia! Oh, they were wonderful. I’ll surely have to abridge later editions to catch this blog up to the present. In the meantime, though, let’s head back to those first days back in Mongolia, sequestering at the Holiday Inn in UB.

Continuing with my recent blog trend, I’m for the most part sharing transcriptions from my journal entries, followed by commentaries over them. Each morning featured Mongolian language lessons, hence my journal entries’ timestamps almost coming only after noon.

The afternoon after I learned where I would be serving, I met two of my new coworkers. For there was a panel session with my would-be counterparts. After this, our program manager introduced those presenters in front of our room to me. I later penned, “[4 p.m.] Wow, really feels like Final Center Days now, getting to meet two of my CPs. Нямка /Nyamka/ and Батбилэг /Batbileg/, of the UB Metropolitan Education Department. Hehe, [a technical trainer] commented I’m handsome. Oh, really am back in Asia… I’m sure Mom’s smiling from up above at me. Education, wow!”

I felt a little bashful about my CPs' compliment on my appearance, too. But I had advised the Trainees to expect comments like these. Getting to meet with my counterparts during the tea break after, I realized with relief that my Mongolian language skills would still come in handy, too. We got a lovely photo together. What an amazing start to my new Peace Corps assignment!

Here’s what else happened, that eventful day after I learned where I would be serving now:

Salt in the Wound: Week 2 Begins!

Kicking off my second week back in Mongolia, I journaled that morning, “[7:45 a.m.] Meeting two of my counterparts today! Last night felt as though it restored the narrative of my Peace Corps Mongolia arc. Even seeing Adam in NYC can bond back to the present moment. As for this morning, spent the past half hour trying on different American shirt colors and my ties till I found the right result of bold and professional. [...] From the university to the city. Political fishbowl. Don’t get overwhelmed.”

I wrote reflecting on how earlier that month I had reunited in New York City with Adam of my M30 Peace Corps cohort, with whom I’d originally spent my first week in Mongolia as Trainees together. I’d also settled on wearing a color scheme that I felt said, “America” but not too loudly. Finally, I reflected on how my new assignment to a government office would mean I’m to be in quite the new public service environment.

By the first day of Week 2, I had also tired of hearing the somewhat endearing refrain from presenters about my past life. I’d journaled Wednesday, “[10:45 a.m.] [...] I felt reminded that I used to live in Эрдэнэт /Erdenet/. Ah, kind of feels like salt in the woundy, but more like dark comedic. Инээдтэй! /Ineedtei/! (Funny!)” Truly, it felt like a single internal tear falling, knowing I would not return to that community from which I evacuated as one of its Peace Corps Volunteers. I’d journaled on Tuesday too, “[1 p.m.] Emergency Action Plan session, Eric and I relate our EAP evacuation experience.”

With a more positive note on reminders of my life before evacuation, I penned, “At the same time, today I unlocked my IST/PDM [In-Service Training/Project Design & Management] and after language notes. I felt amused to see that words about which Eric and I asked Sumiya багш /bagsh/ (instructor) [...] this week and last have been words I was still learning in 2O2O before evac. May I definitely restore intermediate low before long! [Magnai mentions in site contact form how our phones can show GPS, which reminds me of Erdenet when coming to site.]”

I did ultimately make peace that day with the candid discussions of evacuation as well as the certainty that I would not return again to my former assignment at least within the next three months. “[4:15 p.m.] Darcy, Eric and I had discussed before the EAP how Eric’s and my decision to return after all these years is an especially good example to would-be CPs of our commitment to Mongolia. [...] ‘Daniel is from Erdenet’ comments remind me of my Vegas versus Bedford, Ind. Номгон /Nomgon/ is my Bedford, Орхон /Orkhon/ my Nevada.”

An Old Pal, Online

The next night, Wednesday, I reunited virtually with an old friend from the back half of my service to Erdenet. I’d first met him, Adonis, the day I was heading from my Host Country Agency (the National University of Mongolia, Erdenet School) to the IST/PDM conference put on by Peace Corps staff. We’d then gotten to spend some days getting to hang out some more the remaining months I had in Mongolia.

I journaled that night, “[8:15 p.m.] Adonis’ class is going on over Zoom, so I’m online! Recounted how I was at МУИС, ЭС /MUIS, ES/ and how I’m in УБ /UB/ now. Hehe, Adonis mentioned I sometimes take a few days to reply. He mentioned I spoke better last time too, but still мундаг /mundag/ (awesome) in what I did say.”

I later added, “[10:15 p.m.] I’ve really gotta stop staying up so late. Adonis’ lesson was very fun, though. Tomorrow cluster sites get announced. Friday, huge theatre performance and move-out. So in that sense, tomorrow is our last ‘normal’ Holiday Inn day. <Glad on the Zoya, Bailey, Kat adventure to Дүнжингарав /Dunjingarav/ that I could help ask about items. Jackets warm go for $100 or so, but if I need, I better get! Not quite back to my Erdenet language level, yet goal is to reach pre-Erdenet proficiency.”

Cluster Sites Announced: Thursday

My journal entries from Thursday were mostly identity observations from throughout the day. I also enjoyed conversations with my fellow M30 Eric and one of our American directors Grover. We got some good perspectives from our manager. Later that afternoon I reflected some more on how my communities had changed over the pandemic years.

“[3 p.m.] Cluster sites were announced, so Eric and I began with Group A, then I visited Group B. [Group A is doing identity map presentations again, as I write.] I went back through my IST/PDM technical session notes and took a better look at my notes on foreign service. Grover, Eric and I spoke about foreign service with Grover, as he too had a meaningful experience in huge media as a PCV. Eric and I have been in national Mongolian media, apparently. I wrote to Enkh to ask about it. Sounds like there are many development roles connected worldwide. Fascinating.”

“[...] My IST and PST notes from 2OI9 remind me that Peace Corps Mongolia used to be a much larger team of staff. Still, as Grover mentioned today, folks remain in our PCM orbit.”

“[4:15 p.m.] Relieved to know that PCM most definitely has my and Eric’s backs in terms of PCM super involvement. Our roles will get to have a ‘senior cohort’ feel as well as the ‘grandparent’ vibe when M32s arrive right after IST/PDM. In fact, perhaps the Peace Corps Mongolia M32 Facebook group would likely have opened beforehand. Eric and I are to be definite stars in this story.”

To Be Seen

“[4:30 p.m.] ‘Danger of a Single Story’ reflection–A ‘single story’ about me, perhaps as a generalization of being Catholic or being Asian with the family name ‘Lang.’ Suppose it made me upset for a moment, but then it gave me the opportunity to intervene with a more accurate story. As for whether I’ve told a single story, perhaps more likely I’ve written off folks as ‘mean/unfriendly’ people. But then I’ve learned to spend more time w/ such folks, as St. Thérèse of Lisieux would do, so that I can get to know, appreciate.”

By around 5 p.m. from that session, I recalled too a session I experienced during the In-Service Training Conference 2OI9, in which we PCVs reflected on our social support networks in-country. This brought to mind those with whom I’d chatted lately, including fellow M3Os Alex, Drew, Adam, Rebecca and Ayla, among others from my PST and service, too. “Allyship. Support,” I noted.

By the night’s end, I simply summarized many items. These included, “[10:45 p.m.] Somatoform Conversion Disorder kicked in tonight during “Coup!’ I won by sticking to moral behavior and John rewarding that by killing Sarah (#GirlBoss) in the end,” followed by, “Bailey made Dylan’s arrival poster,” and, “Kat, Noa, Charlie, Chris T. also did battle after their Exploding Kittens and Chris Wizda’s glue.”

I added as well, “TM Ariuna and Grover so kind today.” I even noted some fun from Pokémon GO, with, “PoGO and Kat from yesterday’s discovery to today’s trading. Gave her a Ponyta (she wanted) plus a couple Eevee.” Finally, I was, “Packed for tomorrow. Spotify piano~ Concert!”

Final Full Day, Friday

“[7:45 a.m.] Remembered this last full day’s morning in Holiday Inn Ulaanbaatar the final main morn in Nye Hall with NBS 2O22. Throwback: Monday night with our Program Managers–Region A turns to B, he says it. At first I’m like, OK, education, but then woah! As the days progress more info. PM met with my supervisor.”

Friday at lunch, my peers and I enjoyed our last large meal. One mentioned having read my blog post from October 2OI9, which felt nice. Our last M3I, Dylan, arrived. I greet him after chatting with our penultimate M3I, Jordan.

Friday afternoon, M3O Эрик /Eric/ and I chatted about the feeling of heading to site. We discussed how it felt like we “skipped a grade,” given that we evacuated during what would be like our sophomore year of Peace Corps experiences and returning as seniors. I have felt glad to have a peer ally through these experiences.

During an intercultural session, I recounted to the M3I Trainees Mongolian experiences from both that weekend in UB of vague event invitations as well as stories from when I was in Erdenet. I feel grateful to see a teaching opportunity. I feel valued.

Later that Friday afternoon, I formally announced to my former counterparts that I was assigned to serve at the Нийслэлийн боловсролын газар (Metropolitan Education Department) in Ulaanbaatar. (Amusingly, its Нийслэлийн is often translated by many as Municipal.) I saw a few ❤️ heart reactions to my message. This helped me to feel a tad more relieved about the ‘extended farewell’ I have experienced away from my first site of Peace Corps service.

I later journaled at 7 p.m., “Warm wishes after Holiday Inn last supper. Kind, kind hotel staff. Got a sewing kit today. [M3Is] Bailey, Christine, Chris tall, Charlie, chat about bullying and its benefits.” Curiously, bullying would come up three months later on a school visit.

National Theatre

My second week back in Mongolia ended with a grand finale. I, my fellow evacuated Returned Peace Corps Volunteer, and 17 of the Trainees headed to the Үндэсний урлагийн их театр (Mongolian Grand Theatre of the National Arts) for a performance of “Монгол Угсаатан Мину.” The show showcased numerous ethnicities through costume, dance and music. It was very well done.

“Daniel speaks Mongolian,” our Trainee Chris, who led our group, explained. I felt flattered, really. Part of me still felt like an impostor, having written for years amid the pandemic that I know Mongolian, yet doubting whether I did.

At the theatre, I wanted us to take a group photo by a lovely backdrop. Our group asked me to have someone take our photo. I did my best to politely ask, saying, "Уучлаарай, бидэнд зураг авж болох уу?" I wasn’t not sure my grammar was right since the sentence felt unfamiliar. Still, the recipient of my question began to ask around for someone who knew how to work Chris's phone camera.

Eventually our Trainees suggested I ask a man from a group to the side. He wore a pin, suit and tie. So I asked him. He agreed. He said, "Харъя," afterward, which felt very polite since he was asking that we take a look before we go.

The show reminded me of other performances I had seen that year. I journaled, “[7 p.m.] Russian/Soviet theatre outside the Ulaanbaatar sign! A group of 19 of us. Lovely orchestral music. Reminds me of the Lunar New Year 2O22 in Vegas, Music Man’s theatre, NYC. [...] Overall fun day.” I remained in the lovely theatre till the intermission, when I got up exploring.

Silhouettes of What Was

As I wandered the theatre during the intermission, I saw someone that just about melted my heart. A young woman cried out "Багш аа!" and embraced whom I assumed was her teacher. I recalled Teachers' Day and my own students, how lovingly kind they were. This left me with a somewhat lonesome, hollow feeling, recalling again how those students I loved are from a past to which I cannot return. Teachers’ Day had already passed this year, anyway.

I penned upstairs during the intermission, “[8:15 p.m.] What a welcome home to Mongolia! Two and a half years… All those years gone… to have peer to pre-, the four provinces, what felt like Qing Mongolian choral or classical, морин хуур /morin khuur/, throat singing. The little dances and the large. [...] Oh, my breathing quickens up here in the hot loft. What a capital. I will aid the education of their children.” I remembered too the performances I saw in Erdenet at my university's student talent show.

I heard from the Peace Corps Trainees when I returned from the intermission that apparently the man I asked to take our photo was an important person. I felt amazed! The others reassured me that if anyone was to make a good impression, it would be me.

After the Intermission

Then the show continued. I felt chills as a woman performed the tradition of stepping out of the гэр /ger/ to offer milk to the heavens by flicking it forth with the ladle. As much as I loved the throat singing and морин хуур /morin huur/, something as specific as that reminded me how I really am in Mongolia again.

The costumes reminded me too of the time in Erdenet when my counterpart and I took our business freshmen students to see the province's museum. On that trip, I saw many traditional costumes and tools that I witnessed come to life on stage.

Pretty tired by the end, I simply summarized, “[10 p.m.] Lasers on phones, huge Chinggis Khaan. Bless the sky from the гэр /ger/, chills! Гоё ��м аа /Goe iomaa/. ��мар оё юм бэ /Yamar goe yum be/. The pin man who took our photo spoke on stage, credits, woah!”

Then our clump of Peace Corps people returned downstairs to the coat check for our belongings. On that walk back, I reminisced about the M3O Swear-In Ceremony, how the health volunteers like Eric, who were part of the Баруунхараа cluster site, performed a traditional dance too. (Eric prefers I don’t bring this up, though, hehe.)

Return to Base

We returned to the Holiday Inn Ulaanbaatar a little after 10 p.m. Our training manager sat by the entrance smiling as the 19 of us re-entered. It was a good night.

I felt awfully tired but still wanted to write some for this blog post before I retired to sleep. I wound up writing a bit past midnight before accepting I really needed sleep. The next morning would be my farewell to the Trainees and the move with my new counterparts to the 'permanent' apartment of at least my next 11 months.

Onward to My New Site

Thus concludes my final night of the roughly 1O days of intensive reeducation I received when I first returned to Mongolia, after having been out of the country for two and a half years. I felt relieved to have been able to rapidly recall many things. Still, the experience felt bittersweet—I had returned not to where I came from but to somewhere new. Yet I felt hopeful about my future. Of what little did I know, I hoped what would come next would amaze me!

You can read more from me here at DanielLang.me :)

#Peace Corps #Mongolia #memoir #story #Catholic #God #memoryLang #USA #theater #hotel #Asia #musical #memories #Coronavirus #COVID-19 #UB #culture shock #travel #winter #Ulaanbaatar

0 notes