#I probably shouldn't have so many moments I like in my own writing but I just like my characters too much xD
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@gracetheacefromouterspace replied to your post “Ask me something :)”:
What is your favorite scene you’ve written so far?
Hard to tell. In Project Soulmate I like the exchange of letters between my main characters - at that point they open up, become more vulnerable, tease each other and eventually call each other friends for the first time. I also like scenes between Kavar and his best friend Matej because I find their interactions really funny. And I like one moment where Kavar is super intimidating towards one guy he absolutely despises. As for Project Magic I like some of the arguments between Aster and Kornelia because they show their wit but also how deeply they care about each other (at least I hope so). I also like one of their "almost kiss" scenes :3 Oh and whenever there's Gustaw in the scene it means smile comes easier :)
#nat tries to write#I probably shouldn't have so many moments I like in my own writing but I just like my characters too much xD
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OKAY-!
So I've been wanting to request something for a hot minute from y’all; Vergil (or Nero..? Idk if you do stuff for him tbh) having to warm-up with a Male reader during a blizzard???
(👉👈 Never done a request before so idk how much to put. I love your work and can't wait to read more from you (/p)!)
AAAAAA I KNOW U, U ALWAYS REBLOG MY WORKS WITH THOSE HILARIOUS TAGS! I've also read your stuff on ao3! I love your works too! I'm so glad you requested! I chose to do Vergil cause I like writing for him more than Nero lol; hope you enjoy!💜💜💜
Warm-Up (Vergil x Male!Reader)
Bonus pic I pulled off Pinterest for ya cuz y'all deserve it 💜
You shivered in your seat, goosebumps breaking out across your skin. A blizzard raged on outside, rattling the walls of your house and, via several drafts in said walls, lowered the overall temperature to lows your poor human body couldn't handle. You continued shuddering, wrapping your arms around yourself in an attempt to keep warm, futile as it was. You were just so cold, for an indescribable reason, no matter how many layers of clothes you threw on or how many blankets you piled on, you were freezing. It was like you were cursed, cursed to be eternally chilly.
The front door clicked, then swung open; Vergil stomped in, covered in snow. "Y/N?" He called, peeking around the corner and finding you curled up on the couch, swaddled in blankets and thick clothes. "What is going on?" He demanded, raising a thin white eyebrow at you. "I'm cold." You grumbled, tugging the blankets tighter around you as another strong wind shook the house and chilled the room even further. "Cold?" Vergil repeated, confused. He had never felt cold in his life, being an ice demon and whatnot. Nonchalantly, he stalked away to remove the snow from his person and change into dry clothes. A few moments later, he rejoined you in the living room, only to find a pile of blankets where you once had been seated. "Y/N? Where did you go?" A hand--your hand--shot up from within the mountain of bedclothes. "Right here, Verg. Right here, freezing my ass off." Vergil sighed, then began shifting the blankets aside to get to your trembling, nearly numb-with-cold form. "You lack motivation," He stated, shoving the blankets aside, then taking a seat on the couch and rearranging them in his lap. "A mere bit of cold is nothing; such a trivial inconvenience should mean nothing to you." While those words may have sounded harsh and derogatory, they were in fact, meant to be motivating--and they were.
"I...I guess you're right," You admitted, sighing and sitting up. "it shouldn't bother me, but it does." Vergil scoffed, then dragged you by the arm over into his lap. With a grumpy huff that was probably caused by embarrassment for his uncharacteristically soft behavior today, he began to wrap you up like a burrito. Once he was done, he scooped you up and cradled you in his arms like a mother with her baby.
You were confused at first, but soon relaxed into your new blanket cocoon. "Are you warm now?" Vergil asked, after a few moments of silence. Believe it or not, you were. The cocoon, combined with Vergil's furnace-like body heat, did wonders for your own body temperature, warming you up much more efficiently compared to all the other methods you previously tried. "Yes, I am," You murmured, rather enjoying this treatment. "Good. I suppose I can unwrap you now, correct?" You shrugged, not really wanting to leave Vergil's lap. "If you don't mind....a little longer?" Vergil gave you a side-eye that could have withered flowers, but said nothing and made no attempt to move you. You yawned, now that you'd been warmed up, you were starting to feel a little sleepy. "Tired?" He inquired, bouncing his leg so as to rock you easier. "Yeah, a little," You sighed, yawning again. "I'm gonna take a nap...wake me in a few hours, ok?" Vergĺil nodded, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead. "Very well." As you closed your eyes and began to drift off to sleep, you could have sworn you heard him mumble "Sweet dreams, my little lump of coverlets."
#fluff#Dmc#vergil dmc#Vergil sparda#vergil x reader#Dmc5#Dmc 5 fluff#devil may cry#Devil may cry 5#vergil devil may cry#Vergil x male reader#Fanfic#dmc fanfic#thanks for requesting#requested#icycoldninja writes
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The reactions to MC dating Ardent where *chef's kiss*. I was already going to romance the hell out of him, but knowing how much it will piss off MC's parents, Chris and Jade just adds to the hotness! Could you share the reactions to MC dating the Most Precious Boy Cam? Also maybe Cam's parents/Kara? (Your writing is so good- l've never been so excited for a demo before!!!!)
(Sorry if I sent this more then once- I’m sending this on my phone and it keeps saying no connection, so I wasn’t sure if it was sent!)
Dating Ardent will piss off so many people, probably even him. Hehehe. Is that his new pet name? Cute <3. Thanks' for the compliment anon, I'm glad you like it/looking forward to the demo. (it's okay anon, Tumblr has been messing with all of us) You ask and you shall receive, below the cut~ Link to Ardent version here.
💩 Chris - They have suspected something was up. Chris knew Cam had a thing for MC, honestly for a long time. They aren't surprised MC is with someone, but Cam really? He's not even the good one, not even the superior Clarke. What the hell could MC see in him?
💀 Jade - She isn't surprised by MC and Cam being together. More so surprised it took this long. Though really she thought you would go for someone other than Cam, someone who isn't related to Chris. Should she be as annoyed as she is about it? She was close to Cam too, and Cam never even made a move on her. (Pretty sure Jade has a theme song for her life in her own head.)
💢 The Clarkes - They are annoyed, why is Cam going for Chris' sloppy seconds, in fact, why is Cam putting Chris through this? Doesn't he understand this could be hard for Chris? Surely this is a line Cam shouldn't cross, and they won't hide those feelings.
💚 Kara - She is happy about it, the happiest one in the room. Cam is always different around MC, happy actually. She will be happy for Cam/MC, and congratulate them. Jokingly mention that she's the only one that MC hasn't kissed. To which Cam will happily mention it will stay that way.
Cam/MC reaction - Cam could care less about Chris and their reaction. He will be happy with Kara's reaction. Jade...the things Cam feels for Jade are not for polite company. Our precious one will struggle when his parents begin to mention his relationship with MC, tell them to fuck off. It will be at that moment that MC kisses him, for every single one of them to see. Because MC can calm him, with a touch, with a look, with a kiss.
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Hello! Would it be possible to get some rockstar!joel and actrees!reader proposal/wedding stuff? Absolutely in loveee with the story!!
Yesssss!! I’m so excited to write this!! Thank you for the request 🫶
I Want To Marry You
Pairing: rockstar!joel x actress!reader
Author’s note: Dedicated to everyone who ever loved me enough to try again. Let’s get coffee sometime.
Summary: Joel asks you The Question [3.3k]
Warnings: mentions of anxiety, family fluff, things coming full circle, oh god I love them
Joel's been acting weird the past few days. You're not in a fight. You're between projects right now, and he's always plunking music in the home studio. Everybody's healthy and happy. You can't pinpoint exactly why he's being jumpy or disappearing into the garage to take phone calls, but you trust him to tell you if something's happening. Still, it throws you off.
When you tell Carolina about it, she reassures you it's probably nothing. "Maybe he's going to surprise you with a romantic getaway or something like that." She suggests, and you laugh as you fiddle with Daisy's collar. She also seemed to sense the shift in the house because she's gotten especially clingy recently.
"You have kids. You know how hard it is to get away." You say, shaking your head.
"Yeah, but my kids are seven and three. Not seventeen and twenty-one."
"Still! Ellie's in school, and even though Sarah has her own apartment now, I don't like going super far in case she needs one of us. That's why we stagger our schedules like we do."
"Did your mom worry about you this much when you were twenty-one?" She asks. You laugh because she knows the answer. She knew what you were like in your early twenties, and somebody definitely should've been worrying about you.
"My mom didn't even know what borough I lived in at twenty-one." You say. "It's not a bad thing to want to be close. Do you remember when I dropped a plate and cut my foot open on the broken glass and had to take a cab to the hospital?"
"God, don't remind me." She shudders. Carolina had come home to find your tiny apartment in Hell's Kitchen empty and covered in blood. For exactly twenty seconds, she believed you'd be axe-murdered and dragged away by the killer until you called her and told her what happened, resulting in a ten-minute-long conversation about how many people in Manhattan realistically own axes.
"All I'm saying is I don't want Sarah to be bleeding out in the back of a stranger's car if Joel or I can be there instead."
"You worry too much." She says. "But, then again, all the best moms do."
"Not their mom." You say quickly as if she’d thrown you a ticking bomb and you’re trying to pass it right back to her.
"Yeah, but you're the closest thing they have to one."
"That's true, but I don't want to put that kind of pressure on the girls. They shouldn't have to call me anything they don't want to, and I'm not going to replace their moms."
"Of course not, honey, and nobody would accuse you of doing that, but you'd be lying to yourself if you said you didn't love those girls like they're your own."
"I know." You sigh. "I just worry."
"I know you do." She says. Carolina has been there for all your worrying over the years. Worrying about how you were gonna pay rent, when your next job would come in, and whatever stupid boy you were seeing at the moment. She knows how to calm you down and take your mind off things. "Why don't you get out of the little worry hole you've dug yourself into and come with me and the girls to get our nails done? It'll be fun, and you'll get to hang out with your goddaughters."
"When?"
"Tomorrow?" She says, and you mentally flip through your calendar.
"I think I can do tomorrow. Send me a time and place, and I'll be there." You say as the front door opens and closes. You furrow your brows and walk to the top of the stairs to see what's happening. A smiley face greets you with a wave, and you hurriedly hang up on Carolina.
"Sarah! What are you doing here, bug?" You ask as you rush down the stairs to hug her. Joel beams as he watches you embrace her for several long seconds, not pulling away until she does.
"Just missed y'all." She mumbles into your shoulder, and you kiss her temple. She's twenty minutes up the road, but it feels like a lifetime away.
"Sarah!" Ellie yells and joins in on your hug without hesitation. The three of you dissolve into a fit of giggles, and Joel just stands there, watching the madness unfold. Joel has never been good at hiding his emotions, and you've always been good at reading him like a book. The look he gives you and the girls is full of love and pride and something deeper, something more meaningful. You raise an arm to pull him into the group hug, and he pretends to be annoyed, but he snuggles in with the three of you, kissing each of your foreheads.
You spend the night making dinner and chocolate chip cookies with the girls and Joel (and Daisy ever so graciously cleaning up the remnants of a food fight Joel started) before curling up on the couch with them and watching a movie. It's just like every other time you've sat and watched whatever movie the girls have been dying to see, but as you rest against Joel's chest, something pricks in your brain. This feels different. He feels different. His hands run a nervous course from your shoulder to your wrist, and his head occasionally dips to kiss at the juncture of your neck. It's like he can't sit still.
"You okay?" You whisper, glancing at him. He gives you a confused look but nods anyway.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know. I'm probably just anxious for no reason." You shrug. He pulls you close and kisses your temple, keeping you close as the movie continues. At the end of the night, Joel carries both the girls to bed even though he's forty-three and could've let them sleep on the couch. You didn't tell him this, of course, because who are you to pull him back from Dad Mode? So, you cautiously walk in front of him, kicking stray clothes or backpacks out of the way so he doesn't trip. Once Sarah and Ellie are safely tucked into bed, Joel scoops you up by your waist and throws you over his shoulder to carry you into your shared bedroom.
You laugh the whole way in, and when he plops you down on the bed, you wrap your legs around his waist and keep him close. Your fingers reach up to tug the necklace out from under his shirt collar and play with the pendant as he stares at you.
"What're you thinking about?" You ask.
"Thinking bout us." He says, and you raise your eyebrows at him.
"Oh, do tell."
"We've been together a long time."
"Sick of me already?" You ask, making him laugh, but he shakes his head and kisses you, traces of chocolate and cinnamon lingering on his lips.
"Never." He says. "I was just thinkin' bout it." Technically, it's true. You guys have been together for a while. This year, it'll almost be four years since you walked into that office in Beverly Hills and met him. You remember thinking you would finish out the contract and never see him again. Little did you know Joel Miller would become the man making you dinner most nights and carrying you off to bed. Or that he'd throw you the best thirtieth birthday party in the history of birthday parties. Or that you'd move in with him and his daughters. Or that you'd love him more than you've ever loved anyone.
"It's weird to think I went so long without knowing you." You mumble, your hold on him tightening like you're scared he'll fade away if you don't cling to him. He rests his forehead against yours, sensing your anxiety spiking, and you're overwhelmed by him. Your legs are still locked around his waist, and your chests are touching, the points of contact sending little butterflies fluttering through your veins. You can't see, taste, feel, or smell anything that isn't Joel.
"'M not goin' anywhere." He says, and you nod. "Ever."
"I'm gonna hold you to that, Miller." You joke, trying to ease your brain out of your spiraling and lighten the air between you two. He laughs, and the room brightens as he does.
"Do your worst, darlin'."
When you wake up the next morning, Joel isn't there. You reach for him and find a piece of paper on his cold pillow. How long has he been gone? How the fuck did you sleep through him rolling out of your arms? You squint in the early morning sun as you read the note.
You sigh and grumble into your pillow. What kind of psychopath runs errands at nine in the morning? The kind of psychopath you love, that's who. You lay in the too-big bed for a few more minutes before finally getting up and checking your phone. Carolina has texted you with the address of a nail salon and told you to meet her at eleven, but other than that, your phone is radio silent. Not that you're complaining, but normally you're bombarded with notifications from when you wake up to when you go to bed. It's nice, if not a little unnerving, to not have five million people to respond to the first thing in the morning.
When you walk downstairs, you expect to see Sarah and Ellie sitting at the table and eating, but no one's there. You call for the girls, but the only person who responds is Daisy, who dances in front of you. You crouch down to pet her and give her good morning kisses. "Just us today, huh?" You ask, a little sad, but nobody is more excited about one-on-one time quite like Daisy Mae. You give Daisy breakfast before letting her run around the backyard and making yourself something to eat.
You scroll aimlessly through your phone until it's time to leave and meet Carolina and the girls at the nail salon. Elizabeth and Victoria launch themselves at you the second they catch sight of you, and you spend the better half of your appointment with a child on your lap and listening to the latest drama from Elizabeth's first-grade classroom. You have the girls help pick out what color to paint your nails, and they each land on a pretty ballet slipper pink. "Good taste, guys," you praise as you show the nail technician what color you want. "Just like your mama, huh?"
"I mean, I wasn't gonna say it," Carolina says, and you laugh. Caro, like usual, is right about needing to take some time for yourself to stop worrying. You can actually relax in the big, plush chairs and talk to the girls like nothing could be more important than what they had for breakfast. Carolina hugs you tighter than normal at the end of your appointment and says she'll see you later before ushering the girls into their car seats. You barely have time to react before she's driving away like nothing happened.
Did you make plans with her and forget about them? It's happened before, so you wouldn't be overly surprised if it happened again. But if that's the case, why didn't she say anything? You shake your head as if it'll shake out all your racing thoughts and get in your car to drive home. When you pull into the driveway, everyone's cars are back where they belong, and you selfishly get really excited about seeing them. Except, the exact second you step through the door, Joel is putting Daisy's harness on her and has his running shoes on.
"Where are you going?" You ask, your mood dropping at seeing him ready to leave again. He looks up and smiles despite the pout on your lips.
"There you are! We were waiting on you so we could take Daisy for a walk." He says, breathless as he wrestles with your pitbull. You look past Joel and see Sarah and Ellie standing there with shoes and sunglasses on.
"We really need four people for a dog walk?"
"I wanted to show the girls the new route along the beach we found." He says. "Is that okay?" You nod.
"We just might look crazy, but, of course! Let me change my shoes!" You call as you take the stairs two at a time to get up to your bedroom. You decide to wear the pink tennis shoes to match your cute pink nails before ambling back downstairs and walking out the door. When you first rescued Daisy, she didn't let anyone but you hold her leash. However, after years spent with Joel and the girls, she can be walked by just about anyone as long as you're there. She's as much of your comfort dog as you are her comfort person.
Taking your hand in his, Joel walks Daisy with the other and swings your hands through the air as Sarah and Ellie walk behind you. It's a little silly, but you'll take all the affection after waking up without anyone else in the house. Slowly, the five of you make your way toward the sound of the crashing waves and the smell of salt in the air. The cliffs hang ominously above the empty beach and boardwalks, but you love it. You once told Joel when you walk out this far, it feels like you're the only person around. Something about being near the water makes you feel even better. A pop of color near the sidewalk catches your attention, and you break off from your little ragtag group to see what it is.
"Joel, come look at this." You say, leaning over the rope to look down at the wildflowers dancing on the cliffside. It's gorgeous, and the wind perfectly balances the blistering hot day, but he doesn't immediately appear at your side like he normally would. You furrow your brows and turn to see him down on one knee with a ring in his hand. Your breath catches in your throat, and you immediately cover your mouth with your hand. Joel smiles with watery eyes as he reaches for the other and pulls you close to him.
"Did you know about this?" You look past Joel to see Ellie and Sarah standing there, Daisy's leash wrapped around Ellie's wrist as Sarah records on her phone, and they laugh. Their smiles and teary eyes are all the confirmation you need, and you look back down at Joel. "Is this why you've been acting so weird?" You ask, and he laughs.
"Yeah, this is why I've been actin' so weird," he says. His Adam's apple bobs as he says your name and your legs shake under you. "I love you, and I fall more in love with you every single day. There's not a single moment I've spent with you where I've not wondered what the fuck you see in me." He's crying now, but you can't stop the laughter from bubbling out from your chest. He squeezes your hand and takes a deep breath before continuing. "And you don't just love me, but you love my girls. You make them feel safe and cared for. You've given them somethin' I've been tryin' and failin' to give them for years, and I will spend the rest of my days tryna repay you for that."
"Will you marry me?" He finally asks, and you sniffle. Tears stain everyone's face, and even Daisy is crying next to Ellie, and you'd laugh if you could see past the tears in your eyes. You nod and drop to your knees with Joel.
"Yes." You say as you grab his face and kiss him. "Yes. Yes. Yes. Of course, I'll marry you." You repeat over and over again as his arms lock around your waist. Sarah and Ellie cheer, suddenly no longer annoyed at your PDA, and you smile against Joel's lips. He adjusts his hold on you to give you a good look at the ring for the first time, and all your breath leaves you in a huff. It's gorgeous. A simple oval-shaped diamond on a gold band with an engraving on the inside.
"What does this say?" You ask, and he smiles as he holds it so you can read it. You immediately start crying when you read and realize what it means. He wrote inside your engagement ring, "And one day, we'll get coffee & try again." You said it to him before you left for Ireland when your heart was broken, and you didn't know the future could ever be this soft. He slips it onto your left ring finger and gathers you in his arms, both of you still on the ground and crying like crazy people. You don't care. You hold him so tight you almost miss him whispering into your skin.
"Thank you for trying again with me." He says. Ellie, Sarah, and Daisy join in on your crying in the middle of the sidewalk huddle, and you're completely surrounded by love. After a few minutes, you calm down enough to stand and kiss Joel again, making people cheer from the beach below. When you look over the rope, down to where the wildflowers are, you can see a group of your favorite people on the beach. They must've been hidden until Joel could propose, and now they're all making their joy well known with hoots and hollers.
Joel holds your hand as the girls lead the way down to the beach, where there's a makeshift bar and picnic set up with a giant banner reading "CONGRATULATIONS" with a little ring in the middle. "This is what the errands were this morning," Joel tells you quietly, and you smile.
"You're pretty good at keeping secrets, Miller."
"Not really. Everyone here knew I was proposing before you did," he says, and you laugh. "Besides, I'd watch it with the Miller thing considering you're becomin' one."
"I guess that's true." You sigh happily as Ryan ambushes you, picking you up in his arms and spinning you around. You squeal until he puts you back down and immediately demands to see your ring. Carolina comes up behind him as you show him, her eyes popping out of her head at the sight.
"Damn, Joel!" She exclaims, and Joel laughs.
"Only the best for my bride." He says. My bride. It rings in your head like a bell, echoing through your mind like gospel. You look around at the faces of everyone you've ever loved. Your manager, Sierra, and her partner, Bianca, are talking with Lili and Peter. Sarah and Ellie are running up and down the beach with Daisy, Elizabeth, and Victoria, struggling to keep up. Hank and Lucia patiently wait their turn at the bar next to Tommy and Maria. Your beauty team, Alexa and Jenna, laugh together as they talk to a handful of other costars they've also worked with. The beach is crawling with family, both of origin and found, and you wouldn't want it any other way.
As you make your rounds with Joel on your arm, showing off your ring and trying not to cry as people tell you how happy they are for you, you wish you could show your past self this moment. The girl who packed up all her shit and moved across the world after breaking up with the love of her life. The girl who spent countless nights crying herself to sleep and going to therapy and trying to create a better life for herself. The girl who almost backed out of a coffee date three years ago because she was so scared the man on the other side of the table wouldn't like what he found. You wish she could see this and know she did the right thing. You wish she knew things ended up okay. You wish she knew she got to try again, and it changed her entire life. Wherever she is, you hope she knows she did good.
"What're you thinkin' bout?" Joel whispers in your ear as he hands you a glass of champagne. You smile and shake your head.
"Just… someone I used to know."
#one for the money two for the show#rockstar!joel x actress!reader#rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader#rockstar!joel#tlou au#the last of us au#the last of us fluff#tlou fluff#joel miller au#joel miller fic#joel miller fluff#joel miller series#joel miller x reader#joel miller the last of us
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how do you atually write a script for a comic fhhhdhdhdh like do you write it the same as a movie script idk how to start
My basic system is using bulletpoints inside a table. Each table cell is a page, which is handy for planning page spreads, and each bulletpoint is a panel. This script also divvies up the scenes by colour so I can block out how long each scene is:
Because I'm the sole artist, I don't include any information that is obvious to me; that means expressions, poses, or individual panel sizes don't usually make it into the script. If there's something really dramatic and important I'll include it, but otherwise I tend to work out character poses when I'm thumbnailing or pencilling. I'm already kind of laying out the page in my mind when I'm writing so when I go back to actually draw it I'm like yeah I know exactly what face Vic is pulling here.
I do also have @spiremint on board now as colourist but because I don't really think in colour I don't have any notes for that in the script. Instead, I make notes on the inked/pencilled version of the page when I'm sending it to Spire for the colour script. Those notes will say stuff like the mood I'm going for, the weather, what happens in the scene so he can give me some cool alternate background colours. Spire never sees the script, it really is just for me when I'm pencilling/lettering, and then I discard it and work from what I have in front of me. It's a stepping stone tool, not a strict guideline of what the page should look like.
That's how I write a script, but you can write your script literally however you want! If it's just for you to read, you only need to include as much information as you find important. For some people that's everything because they either can't envision the scene without a description or because they want to make sure they don't miss anything important out, and for some people it's the most barebones thing imaginable. If it works for you, just do it!! You don't need to write a script like you would for a movie unless you really want to, or it's for someone else to see. Do you want to see the entirety of my script for the Chapter 5 lasertag scene?
Now here's a more helpful answer. I always start with an outline of what exactly needs to happen on each page so I don't need to work too hard figuring out how many panels should pass before I need a page break. Example:
You will probably want to think about three main things when putting your script together: dialogue, environment, and character. Each panel is an individual moment in time. That means you shouldn't have too many things happening in a single panel, and one panel should generally only have one dialogue moment, one environment note, and one character action. Someone can't jump up in alarm and then look relieved all in one panel, because that's two character actions (and would also be pretty difficult to draw but shh). A character shouldn't (can, but shouldn't) say they want to leave, then change their mind and ask for another drink all in one panel, because that's two dialogue moments. For environment notes, you really shouldn't have an explosion and the hidden treasure revealed all in one panel, because that's two environment notes. You don't need to stretch everything out into its own panel, but make sure you watch for too many things of the same category happening in one panel.
That's a lot of info, but I hope it helps!
--
I'm doing a little Q&A right now to celebrate the launch of the Inhibit: Book Two Kickstarter! If you have a question about Inhibit, comics in general, or anything else, shoot me an ask 🔥
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I think there are too many things about the AFO gave Decay theory that do not work out. It would cause more problems than it would solve, and although Horikoshi is no stranger to bad/lazy writing, the memory does feel like a red herring. Perhaps it is also notable that both the Tenko from the one-shot and the Sazanka concept character were (apparently) born with their Quirks.
(This is mostly me clinging to hope, though... But it feels like if this was all supposed to be AFO's doing, Shigaraki's character arc would have played out differently. I like your idea that even if AFO gave Tenko Decay, it doesn't matter anymore because Shigaraki has embraced the Quirk as his own, but that leads to another problem: if the reveal doesn't change anything, it doesn't have a point. It would just be there for shock value, and that would be some frighteningly bad writing.)
Yesssss, Tenko and Sazanka! Love them so much. Yeah, Oneshot Tenko says he has had 『the power to disintegration things he touches with both hands』 ever since he was born - doesn't know how or why, but that's his power; meanwhile Sazanka seems to have simply manifested the power to 『take away life with only a touch』 as his quirk (which is the freudian excuse for why he becomes a 'peacekeeping' vigilante who prowls the streets targeting people who has quirks "too chaotic for society"). I have also clung to these two as flimsy reassurances that Decay is Shigaraki/Tenko's original quirk, but gotta admit - doesn't mean much. Shigaraki Tomura Hero Academia is ultimately his own character with his own backstory.
It would be fun, though, if the memory is a red herring. Like, in-story, Deku himself thinks he's getting 'there', getting 'closer'...
...but to what? The root cause? the foundational trauma? The pain Shigaraki put a lid on? What exactly does Deku think he's getting closer to? More importantly, why? Is it because the memories are, for the most part, chronologically going backwards, and he hasn't cracked all of the Shell of Hatred yet? Is it because he sees black-hair child Tenko, and thinks he's reaching The Crying Child moment? But we readers know The Crying Child Full Of Sadness he saw back in 305 was after Suit Man Brings Tenko Home?
So maybe you're right, that that glimpse of the memory is for the readers. Make us wonder, because we already know all/nearly all the shit that went down with Shimura Tenko—because Deku probably shouldn't know what meaning that memory has? (Unless we get another flashback to explain that Deku had some hidden knowledge all along, somehow. That is also sadly very possible.)
Like I said before, AFO being revealed to have given 'Decay' to Tenko is something I'm not too opposed to in and of itself; what worries me is how the story will use it. And my worries are the same as yours - imo lazy writing, everything evil in the world is AFO's doing, and how it doesn't really do anything for Shigaraki's character beyond giving him one more tragic backstory element among many.
I've seen people argue that that's fine, it fits with what we know about Shigaraki already - he's just a pawn, he has no agency and never did, he's basically an overgrown Eri who needs to be saved and swaddled and then the Heroes can put on a concert in Tartarus 2.0 to make him smile. :D
As you've noticed, though, Shigaraki's character arc haven't quite played out like that. Those same people mentioned above might argue that nothing Shigaraki does is actually by his own choice, that he's been so manipulated that he doesn't know up from down and basically everything he is and does is trauma/engineered by AFO/brainwashed into him (except for conveniently, magically, the good things), he needs to understand he’s actually Shimura Tenko, the sweet kid who only cried and made people feel awkward but could carry on the pretense of peace, thank goodness he doesn’t get angry and make people feel threatened and have to change things - but in the story, Shigaraki hasn’t forgotten that he’s Shimura Tenko - he remembers, he acknowledges, and he only says he’s become Shigaraki Tomura.
He still hates being rejected and being denied. He hates being looked down on. He's declared he doesn't want to take up AFO's previous title of Emperor of Darkness, or even be like AFO, eventually breaking out of AFO's possession with his own indomitable will; he's been literally shouting about following his own dreams. He's gone and found his own followers, his friends, and part of the reason he destroys is because of those friends. He’s wrong in choosing destruction, and yeah, maybe he was spurred on by trauma, but he’s not wrong in his reasons - same as Toga, Dabi, the heteromorphs, who were also spurred on by trauma, who were wrong in choosing violence, but not wrong that they were failed by society and not wrong about being angry. Like them, Shigaraki has fought to be seen, to live. Shigaraki has fought so insistently and consistently to be himself.
But if so, and if we still get the ‘AFO gave Decay’ reveal and it doesn’t change anything, does it have a point?
It does, actually! Not for Shigaraki, but for Deku. Currently Deku still has the excuse of not knowing a single thing about Shigaraki, so he can still only care about saving Shimura Tenko. Readers don’t have that excuse, so they have to blame everything that went wrong all on AFO. What the ‘AFO gave Decay’ reveal can do, though, is to shut both of those down. AFO gave Tenko Decay… but Shigaraki doesn’t care anymore, he’s actively choosing to pursue the path regardless. AFO gave Tenko Decay, but it doesn’t change anything about how the house his father built was abusive and enabling. AFO gave Tenko Decay, but that was 15 fucking years ago, and in all that time, from the moment the massacre occurred to when All Might raided the bar, no Hero had ever arrived to save Tenko/Tomura from AFO’s clutches.
And Deku should have to reckon with that.
Let’s cope together. Thanks for the ask!
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For your writing game! It was probably supposed to be 3 random words but I can’t get it out of my head for Drarry and it be “I fear you” also I hope you are doing good and may all the writing muses go your way!
Not sure if this was what you had in mind, but my brain fixed on the idea and refused to let go. I also tried out a mixed POV fic, which isn't something I've done often, but enjoyed playing with. Hope you enjoy!
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I fear...
Harry/Draco; Rated T
“I fear you have become obsessed with Draco Malfoy. Again,” Hermione said, over the brim of her teacup.
Across town, over a shot of firewhiskey, Zabini doled out nearly the very same sentiment. “Harry Potter this, Harry Potter that--You’re completely obsessed with him. Again.”
At the same time, unbeknownst to the one another, Harry and Draco slumped back in their chairs and replied, “It’s not my fault. He’s completely insufferable.”
Their friends were very much over this constant state of existence.
The next morning, Draco did his best to shake Harry Potter out from under his skin. He took the long way around Diagon Alley, so he didn’t have to see Potter’s ridiculously wonderful new Broom and Flying Lesson shop. He avoided the best street carts at his lunch hour, in the off chance that maybe, possibly, Harry would be there too. And while he did, in fact, need to replace his broom oil, he went to a far inferior shop in Hogsmeade instead.
It wasn’t until Draco was getting ready to apparate from Hogsmeade back to his potions shop in the heart of Diagon Alley, that he came to a horrifying realization: in trying to avoid Harry Potter, he spent the entire day thinking about him.
Earlier that same afternoon, Harry had Hermione’s words echoing in his mind. Over and over, he considered how, at so many different moments in his life, he’d become fixated on Draco. Now, it was because they somehow found themselves shop owners on the same street. But the part of him that seethed heat straight into his veins knew that no matter what, he’d find some excuse to focus on Draco Malfoy.
Enough was enough.
The familiar swoop of apparation hit Draco and Harry at the same time, minds fixed on each other, one suppressing his thoughts, the other newly determined. They arrived at Draco’s potion shop with a simultaneous pop.
“Potter--?”
“Malfoy!”
Draco had to do a double take, afraid that his single-focus had brought him to Harry’s shop instead of his own. But no, instead Harry stood surrounded by cauldrons and vials, looking like he was about to charge off into battle.
So, he looked breathtaking.
Harry had gathered his courage but now, in front of Draco, catching sight of his famously pale hair and deceivingly soft features, the words froze in his throat.
Brazen, bold, fearless -- he was a Gryffindor and he could get through this.
“What are you doing here?” Draco asked, breathless.
“Let’s get a drink,” Harry garbled the words, too fast and voice low, but they were out there, in the open. Fear officially conquered.
Draco hadn’t expected a lot from his evening, but there was an unsettling certainty in the pit of his stomach that no matter what, his night’s thoughts would orbit around this man. Mine as well go out to dinner with him. What’s the worst that could happen? What was there to fear? A part of him screamed: everything. But he was ambitious enough to grab onto this opportunity with both hands.
That didn’t mean he had any intention in making it easy for Harry. He did like to see him squirm, after all.
Harry watched as Draco narrowed his eyes, and the expression shouldn't twist behind Harry's groin, but it did. Want mixed with fear, soaked with obsession. But he could tell by Draco’s smirk, he was just as into the idea. “Come on,” Harry pushed. “Say yes, or you're buying.”
Draco barked out a laugh. “That makes no sense at all. You make no sense at all.” Draco pushed past him and walked towards the exit of his potions shop, holding open the door. “You coming?”
Harry rolled his eyes. “You’re going to be insufferable, aren’t you?” he asked with a smile, sliding past the door and onto Diagon Alley’s evening streets. He knew Draco would fall in step at his side.
“I have it on good authority, I can be quite insufferable when it comes to you.”
Harry knocked their shoulders together. It felt like he was on a broomstick, rushing towards the snitch. “I fear you and I have that in common.”
fin
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I have a question about werewolves/lycanthropy that started before I read the story (just based on the poster.) The story kind of touches on my question, but I'll ask it anyway for clarity.
So, the poster frames lycanthropy as a thing you Do Not Want to have. Is there some resentment toward this attitude by werewolves (or however you would call those people in-story)? Or do they agree/not mind?
Essentially, do werewolves in general think of lycanthropy as something they live with but would not want others to experience, or as a part of their personhood that shouldn't be shamed/dreaded etc.?
Sorry if I'm reading too much into this. I know these are fictional people. I also know that the answer, if there is one, is probably "It's complicated." Groups of people think differently about their own status. I myself am autistic and projecting a bit haha. (Autistic person vs. person with autism, werewolf vs. person with lycanthropy.)
I'm just curious about the intent of the author and what (if any) real world subjects your interpretation of lycanthropy is based on (eg. Herpes, as mentioned in the story.)
Thanks for tolerating my overthinking!
-Nick
I adore that someone thought about my writing for more than a moment, so I am happy to get any ask about it.
In-universe, it is the Office’s official position that abnormality of any kind is to be controlled and moderated, if not eliminated. As we saw in the Psychotronics program, that had exceptions based on imperial needs and wants. Over the near-century of its existence, it’s softened its position on already-existing abnormality among non-staff, as Jethro alluded to. Among staff, avoiding things like lycanthropy if you don’t already have it is standard, and so vaccinations and boosters are required. The posters say that because it’s the Office policy.
Among the abnormal population, it’s probably true that while people with lycanthropy do consider it part of their personhood, many of them understand the downsides enough to accept medical assistance in controlling the condition and spread. There are as you mentioned different opinions on it, but many afflicted people are warmed up to people like Jethro even if they aren’t too hot on the Office itself. It helps that Jethro is himself a man with lycanthropy.
However, both the average lycan and Office personnel understand that there’s a difference between assisting with the negative aspects of a specific condition and attempting to eradicate it, which was Office policy in the past. Eradicating a condition can be only a small step from eradicating a people.
On a level of authorial intent, I am careful not to draw a direct comparison between specific real life people groups and werewolves/lycanthropes. That’s been done in recent memory and I don’t think it turned out well for anyone. But I think I do draw some allusions to crimes and oppression the United States has perpetrated against different groups of people - not to make a statement about the people, but about the historic sins of America.
#office for the preservation of normalcy#ooc post#please let me know if any of this seems offbase#My ears are open and my heart is willing to learn#lycanthropy#please send asks#this is debatably canon now
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Mary-go-round... Lan Zhan does not
@sasukimimochi here you go, the ficlet for your prompt <3 writing this made my heart warm, I got to remember so many of my own fond memories with amusement parks and fairs!
Prompt: here
Lan Wangji does not have regrets. He doesn't regret taking up education instead of music as his major, he doesn't regret moving in with Wei Ying after a month (well, 23 days) of dating and, of course, he does not and will never regret falling in love with Wei Ying no matter what his uncle has to say about it.
However, Lan Wangji now regrets something - and the moment the rollercoaster handler fastens the seatbelts and metal bars over his lap, Lan Wangji regrets it even more.
Why did he have to pretend to be brave? He's not. Really, there's not a brave bone in his body - not when it comes to this... contraption that's called something like The Deadly Loop Of Doom and Despair. Very aptly named, yes, but - but the point is that Lan Wangji regrets letting Wei Ying drag him into this.
Of course, if he said something, Wei Ying would have understood and respected it - but Lan Zhan just had to paint himself as this tough man that Wei Ying could always rely on for anything... so now, here is, about to go on the Deadly Loop Of Doom And Despair and probably die during it. So much for being tough and reliable.
He hates heights, he hates loops and spins - and he absolutely does not trust these shoddy safety measures that these very young employees are fastening onto people. Shouldn't there be more engineers around? Safety inspectors? Police? Priests??
Lan Zhan already feels dizzy and the thing hasn't even left ground yet. Well, if he dies at least he's gonna have Wei Ying by his side.
Wei Ying whose face is lit up like a Christmas tree, looking everywhere around, nearly vibrating with excitement in his seat.
Lan Zhan loves him so much - but he's never going to do this with him again.
The ride begins moving and Lan Zhan's stomach drops. This definitely has to be some kind of torture device, he's definitely going to have to check that Geneva Convention again one of these days, perhaps he can sue the park for unsafe practices, human rights violations or at least emotional damage.
The ride picks up speed and Lan Zhan realizes he's going to need to be alive to do those things and he doubts he will be.
---
Wei Ying jumps off his seat like he's actioned by spring, and he begins talking up a storm about how "cool" and "fun" that was.
It was so cool and fun that Lan Wangji can barely keep himself upright, and he's pretty sure he's mentally converted to at least 5 different religions.
"...Lan Zhan? Are you okay?"
Wei Ying looks concerned now, worry on his features much too pretty. Lan Zhan nods and takes his hand, hoping his fingers aren't shaking as much as his knees are.
He feels like a newborn, but in a bad way. No, he doesn't know what that means.
Wei Ying seems unconvinced. "Did something happen? You look a little... haunted."
He is.
"I'm fine."
Wei Ying tries to analyze his expression again, and Lan Zhan hopes his poker face is as good as Nie Huaisang complains it to be when they play cards.
It seems to be, because Wei Ying is back to dragging him around, and Lan Zhan is more than happy with that arrangement as long as there are no rollercoasters around.
---
The boy shoots his last arrow but misses the target miserably.
"Sorry, kid, the bunny plushie stays right here with me!" the vendor laughs and the boy sticks his tongue out at him before running off towards his parents.
Lan Zhan can practically see the idea be born inside Wei Ying's mind when he walks up to the stand and pays for a turn. There are a few kids in line behind him, and he turns to them as he picks up the bow from the vendor.
"In order to be a good archer, you need to have good grip on the bow, like this. Keep your back and shoulders straight."
He turns towards the target and the kids huddle to a side, to observe. "Place the arrow right against the middle point of the string, following the direction of your target."
Lan Zhan watches his form, perfect (and incredibly attractive), and imagines himself in those stereotypical scenarios with an apple on his head, half naked, Wei Ying testing his archery skills on him.
This is so not the place for such fantasies.
"And then, you focus on the target, take a deep breath, and..."
Wei Ying decides to show off, winks at Lan Zhan and closes his eyes, spinning elegantly in place, once. He lets go of the bow string as he stops and everybody watches the arrow fly with baited breaths.
It hits right on target, bullseye.
The children cheer and Wei Ying does a little curtsy their way as the vendor begrudgingly hands him the giant plushie.
"Here." Wei Ying says as he hands it to Lan Zhan. "This is for you!"
Lan Zhan huffs a breath that sounds suspiciously like a laugh and kisses Wei Ying's forehead. "My hero."
---
Lan Zhan is not used to having sugary treats often. When he was little, uncle said he became restless if he had too much processed sugar, so he rarely got to indulge in candy and cakes as a result. The habit was drilled into him, so his interest in sweets remained low all the way through adulthood... until now.
He is on his second serving of cotton candy and he feels at the height of decadence. Wei Ying bites into a candy apple himself, and he looks much like a happy chipmunk chewing on it. Lan Zhan is going to kiss him about it - later, when he's done indulging in this frivolous pink dessert that feels like he's biting into a soft, sticky, sugar cloud.
"You look like you're having a religious experience." Wei Ying laughs. "Last time I saw you like that was the first time you saw me naked."
Lan Zhan half glares at him as he bites into the cotton candy. "Ridiculous."
"No, it's true, you do look like you've made a big discovery about yourself."
And he has. He's starting to understand why uncle didn't let him have sugar as a child - he suddenly feels restless and full of energy, and he knows the sugar crash is going to be terrible after.
But never mind that.
They're selling gingerbread figurines two stalls over.
---
"We need to bring A-Yuan with us next time!" Wei Ying says as he and Lan Zhan walk out of the amusement park, fingers interlocked. "He's going to have so much fun here!"
"No big rollercoasters for him." Lan Zhan says and doesn't only mean A-Yuan.
"Oh, no, he's way too young! That's for grown-ups, only we can handle that kind of thing."
Wei Ying doesn't see the 'speak for yourself' in his lover's side eye as he climbs into the car.
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Don't Look Back
Thirteen
Well, this wasn't part of my vacation plans. All I wanted to do was to relax at the beach and soak in some vitamin D, but now I'm staring at my tablet screen, observing my grass-covered field through MC's eyes.
It's amazing how much technology has done to make my job easier. There truly is an app for everything.
"Looks we found our first rule," I hear Solomon announce to the others through my earbuds.
Please tell me you get your blood ethically. MC's thought shows up as a text message on the right side of my screen, and it amuses me so much that I nearly choke on my drink.
You're quite funny, MC. Shouldn't you be concerned that I've gathered enough blood to write these messages?
I live with the Avatars of Sin. I've seen worse.
"So basically, we just have to walk along making sure to keep facing forward?" the guy with the purple hair asks as he starts laughing. "That's so easy it's hilarious!"
You would think that Levi would know that this probably won't be easy.
How so?
He's played too many video games to be this naive. I'm sure that you didn't make your levels easy to complete, because otherwise every Tom, Dick, and Harry would waltz into your cave and mess around with their candles whenever they felt like it.
Dang. I'm impressed. Are they usually this insightful?
I wonder...
How do you think I've made this level challenging, then?
MC takes a moment to respond, probably because they're trying to put the pieces together.
Hallucinations?
Something tells me this isn't their first rodeo.
Yes. Auditory ones.
That's probably what I would have done, to be honest. I'd want people to struggle to not turn around, and if they're experiencing powerful hallucinations, then they'll inevitably break the rule, which would leave my candles safe for another day.
You read me like an open book, MC.
Does that bother you?
What an interesting question. Should it bother me? I mean, it would if they were someone like Solomon, using that information for their own personal agenda.
MC seems different, though, and I don't know how.
Want me to tell you what the others are hallucinating?
Sure. You'll have to tell me who's who, because I'm only familiar with Solomon and Lucifer.
Okay. The guy in the brown leather jacket and yellow-tinted sunglasses is Mammon. Satan is the blond that looks like he went through a tornado in order to get his outfit. Asmo is the most feminine looking, Beel's the tall ginger, and Belphie is the one clinging onto him.
And Levi's the guy with the purple hair.
Yes. Mammon thinks I'm inviting him to have sex with me, Satan hears a newborn kitten crying out for help, Asmo hears people chanting his name, and Levi thinks Ruri-chan is asking him to go on an adventure with him.
Who's Ruri-chan?
The heroine in one of his favorite pieces of anime.
Now that's just depressing.
What about Beel and Belphie?
They've not disclosed that information to us.
"Everyone calm down." Shit. That's Lucifer. "You're just hearing things. None of it is real. It's all to get you to break the rule for this level. You have to resist the urge to look back."
I know that tone.
He's on the edge of breaking.
Grab Lucifer's hand.
Do you think he's hallucinating?
Violently.
In addition to grabbing Lucifer's hand, MC squeezes it, as if letting him know that they're there for him. Lucifer visibly relaxes as he squeezes back.
They must be pretty special if they can get Lucifer of all people to ease up with a simple touch.
You were right. He was hearing Lilith.
Oh my. I had no idea that the war still traumatized him. I thought surely that he would have gotten over most of it by now. He certainly acted that way the last time I saw him.
And then there's MC. The fact that they know about Lilith...they must have gotten really close to Lucifer for him to disclose that information to them.
They really are a curious creature.
"Levi, don't turn around!" Belphie's warning comes too late as Levi cries out to imaginary Ruri-chan that he'll help her save the day.
Barf.
At least he's cute as a Little D. Kind of.
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about the queen's trilogy #1
i read the queen's trilogy (queen's shadow, queen's peril and queen's hope) a few months ago and i have some opinions that i've already shared with some friends who agreed with what i have to say! i remind everyone that it is exclusively MY opinion, from someone who has padmé as her favorite character and who felt very frustrated reading this trilogy.
i will never take away from ek johnston's fantastic writing, it's really very good (especially in the epilogues, in the book the writing is more common but it's still easy to read and that's a good thing), but my problems are what she did with padmé and her 'development'. i feel like the book has interesting narratives, but never goes too deep into it. of course, there are things that shouldn't be covered, like in queen's peril when it's about qui-gon's burial and there's a quick passage about what he meant to padmé. really, it was a simple and direct take, it wouldn't need any further elaboration because it's something simple.
but there's one thing that's not simple: padmé's emotions. understand me, i'm not saying that the book didn't narrate this, it did, it just didn't narrate it well enough. i love tsabin's character, her reflections and life philosophies are very interesting. it's just that the premise of the book is about queen amidala, senator amidala, about padmé amidala naberrie. having thoughts, speeches and moments about tsabin is extremely necessary too, after all, she was the closest handmaid to padmé with probably the most mixed feelings about her work. but i feel that many moments where tsabin's emotions were worked on, padmé's were not and these moments about sabé could have been used to be about padmé (which is, technically, the main narrative of the books).
It's very interesting to have the narrative about the tsabin, but I feel that even that is not worked on completely or clearly. I feel like Sabé was a character that EK felt safer working with because she didn't have enough content, but I still have frustration about not having enough of Padmé's emotions as a HUMAN. The construction of the persona she created as a queen and as a senator is extremely important, this work was really good, but I feel that the excerpts and paragraphs that portrayed Padmé were not enough. She is such a complex character, but even in her own book they didn't pay enough attention to her! this is very annoying, especially when Padmé is an extremely underestimated character and when she has the chance to show all her anguish, fears, dreams and despair it is shown from just one side.
i like read the narratives of thoughts she has, like how sad she is to see her handmaids (especially sabé) leave, but… and the rest? there are THREE books about her, so i want three books that explore what she felt at each stage of her life! It's extremely important that they focused on the issue of the handmaids of naboo, i'm even in favor of a book entirely about them, but i really wish her personality and impulsiveness had been explored more. padmé is not a perfect character, she is full of flaws and that's why i love her. maybe if the book had focused more on certain points about her reasons for being who she was during star wars, some moments would have been understood and not taken as script flaws (like her taking care of anakin after the tusken massacre or her death in revenge for the sith). i feel that tsabin's emotions and personality were explored more than padmé's.
another thing that bothers me deeply is when people take handmaids relationships as something especially romantic. for me, the focus should be: girls can love, girls can have friends, girls SHOULD love others and it doesn't always have to be romantic. what Sabé feels for padmé is something that is extremely open to various interpretations, my interpretation is a bit extensive and is not limited to just romantic love (which i think is a shame, and in my opinion, hinders the development of tsabin as a character). it's something so much deeper, so beautiful and poetic, but it's not always necessarily romantic. when ALL the handmaids say “my hands are yours” it’s not about loving each other with the intention of marriage and all (well, we have saché and yané but im talking about they relationship with padmé!), it’s about dedicating yourself to each other. honestly, this whole culture of shipping and wanting to bring couples together ruins a lot of things and that is included in this book. i understand some people, obviously, interpret sabé's love as something romantic, but limit it exclusively to that? no, my goodness, never! tsabin is a character who, amazingly, lived being someone's shadow for years, but still when they insist on talking about padmé to tsabin they only attribute the romantic and 'cute' side of it all. this complaint is perhaps more for the fandom than the books themselves, but i think if the writing had been more specific about tsabin's insecurities or how she managed to love herself and evolve later, people would interpret it differently (when i said this i want to say: people would interpret it not ONLY as a romantic love).
i'm never saying that it's wrong to like character y with character x, no! i'm just saying that i find the view that love is just about romance limiting, and that it is extremely problematic to attribute women to a single type of love as if that were a woman's role. of course, not everyone who likes sabédala, for example, thinks too much about it, sometimes they just want wlw representation and that's okay (although almost no one talks about saché and yané… they are married and have children, but where are the people talking about them? anyway! they should be talked about more), but tbh i can't take this ship seriously due to the fact that padmé never loved her in any other way and this is mentioned in the books.
i love the anguish that surrounds padmé's relationships, a lot is said about the tragedy of anakin skywalker, but what about the tragedy that surrounds padmé amidala? the people she trusts most left at some point in her life, the only person she loved romantically was possessed by darkness, she didn't even have the chance to raise her own children! are you seeing? reflections like these could have been covered in depth in the book, padmé is an extremely deep character and little is said about her. anyway! these were my complaints, maybe i'll say more and if you want to discuss or ask me something i'll definitely be willing to talk. kisses, seen you'll soon with more star wars (maybe hot) takes!
#queens shadow#padme amidala#sw books#queens peril#queen's shadow#ek johnston#handmaiden sabé#sabé#padmé naberrie#star wars#star wars prequels#handmaidens of naboo#sabédala#but this is not a shipping post#star wars hot takes
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I'm sure this opinion might be unpopular but I just think PB is trying to Lord of the Rings-ify Blades a lot, by introducing so many characters and relying on standard character archetypes to drive the story forth.
Of course, yes, you can only do so much with 18 chapters, but Blades is, like most Choices stories, memorable because of the characters and how they interact with their surroundings more than the larger overarching plot (though it comes a close second.)
Rant follows below, spoiler alert if you haven't read the latest chapters:
@choicesbookclub
I'd love to have Willow, Cherta and the Shadow Court members again for a chapter or two and maybe, y'know Kade?? Since he's our literal brother?? And he's constantly sidelined even though he is the reason why MC bothered with the whole Shadow realm thing in the first place??
I feel like a lot of times we could have had the characters react to certain things that aligned with their beliefs more. I loved the arc of Tyril questioning how convoluted magic can be and it isn't the one-dimensional thing he is used to or Nia standing up and taking risks against her sheltered upbringing. I feel like a lot of times all of the LIs had some really choppy writing given to them, besides the paywalled scenes because I personally believe if you have to paywall scenes to drive the characterisation forward, it lowkey sucks and very money-grabby. It comes with the writing! Paywalled options shouldn't gatekeep them!
Mal's apathy is never really addressed, even though the fandom lost their minds over it. Tyril has some golden moments here and there but it is glossed over completely and sometimes inconsistent at parts (where did the battle-mage Tyril go??). The only thing driving Nia's personality now is just her Shadow alter-ego being this wowie contrasty thing to her 'golden retriever' personality. Imtura's just the muscles and they gave her a semi-character arc-ish to take over from her mother, which completely skids through her complicated relationship with her (at least they could have given her some time to think if she wants to rule over or at least figure out the semantics of a ruling council until after the battle).
And Aerin and Valax have the forbidden-romance route to them. Let's not even like, talk about how Aerin's been missing for a chunk of chapters for reasons beyond why and Valax's route is also weirdly written where in she had no time to acknowledge MC's feelings?? Even when she's so new to romance, relationships and so on? Or like, even a friendship. For someone who doesn't trust easily, I can't really bank on the probability MC is just so alluring enough to rope them into a friendship within days to spare in Ironbreach.
Which comes to the problem, Blades stuffs a lot of characters in.
In Book 1, it felt a little balanced considering the overarching plot was for them to just get to the Shadow Realm to rescue Kade and the friends made along the way were instrumental in that success. Even if we don't know a lot about Adrina or Scholar Vash or Kaya or any of the side-characters, it made it very clear that this was the Party and we'll only be focusing on these people. And even then, taking an example, Adrina got a full story on her own. She helped Tyril with House Starfury's doings, taking over his shoes in the wake of his departure and ensuring things ran smoothly, Adrina helped the Party recoup and recover, even giving them drakes to get to Whitetower and she ended up being the next head(?) heir(?) of the House. Her efforts weren't wasted and it still felt like we got a promising story for her.
In the case of Cherta and Willow, they were "added" to our Party roster -a mechanic that previously wasn't used for the likes of other people, say Aerin, even (even though he did travel with us for a brief chapter and a half in Book 1) and we sort of expected they'd get a side-LI treatment or at least, a character arc like Adrina's, but their stories kind of fell.. flat in my opinion. We leave before Cherta is able to process her grandmother's passing. Willow and her story is just a one-off problem and she's now living her life in the Light Realm.
I don't know exactly why PB added the "__ added to party" game mechanic because it wasn't really necessary in my opinion because it is unlikely we'll see these characters again at least until the final battle (if the final battle involves literally everyone - light versus shadow cagefight and becomes a TC&TF Book 2 scenario) but it does feel weird to have bought their loyalty by doing them favours instead of actually getting to know them. I don't know, it's just my personal opinion.
I do know that 18 chapters is very little to work with, but it can be improved with pacing. PB has a bit of pacing issues going on with Book 2. The woods chapter and Zaradun didn't need to take like, 6 CHAPTERS to make a point! And that's covering the two rifts! If Cherta and Willow were supposed to be one-off characters, why not have one 15 or 17-minute chapter for each one of them and one for the journey from the woods to Zaradun?
I also think that PB doesn't really follow up with how the characters interact to the lore. A lot of times the lore is just wasted upon extra dialogue material or social quests, but if it had some impact on the Final Puzzle we solve to unlock Shadow secrets or whatever or at least a lore callback, it would have been so much fun. Like dwarven culture is so important they dedicated like ONE FULL CHAPTER to it (or at least half a chapter) and they never revisit it, besides Cherta's storyline.
And the lore tablets - ughhh my problem with the lore tablets being, they don't offer any ammunition to the storyline. They're just.. there as "additional info" to spare characters from doing infodumps. Apart from their collectible mechanism, they're just no fun from actually doing the exploration part. The Party's quest to look for Zaradun is a million times more interesting than slapping it on a lore tablet! Like why can't we have bonding sessions like that more often? Or the pit-stop at Riverbend (we'll ignore Kade wasn't even mentioned there).
I also think PB has a problem with the Chekhov's gun rule in writing. They set up these brilliant character arcs for characters and let them down later. I'd say Tyril's whole beef with magic could have gone to Nia, who has dedicated her life to magic and is under the whole 'Light heals, Shadow ruins' impression. Mal's apathy clashes with his whole motive for opening up an orphanage. If he cared so much about MC to open up something so thoughtful with his money in their favour, why does he act like MC's dead or something? Apathy could have gone to Imtura - the person who is the only one who actually expresses her emotions and it would be interesting to see her go all quiet and numb throughout the story, only for her to feel like herself and take on a new responsibility after her mother's passing.
And Aerin and Valax, godddd, way to half-ass romance routes PB. If it weren't for fandom digging into all the subtext and making up subtext, the story would be far less interesting. (this is just my opinion once again) Aerin had so much potential as the cat-on-the-wall character and him journeying with MC and the Party could have actually made him more perceptive and understanding. He could have even bonded with Tyril and Imtura even - them being 'heirs' to houses/kingdoms and coming from a different lifestyles and life obligations.
Valax's storyline felt so last-minute. I definitely feel like we could have added her to the Party long before Chapter 13 when she joins us in the flash flood. It could have made the Watcher character more fulfilling considering how MC would have to make a choice between being on the Light or Shadow side in the debate. Valax could have had her own reasons for closing rifts (or opening rifts) to get to the other side (maybe put in a collectible mechanic there) and not closing rifts/closing rifts could have had some long-term consequences.
I know, it is hard to program it, but this is the same company that brought you old books where your choices did matter and take you down different routes. I just wish they were more adventurous in their programming or at least, fixed their pacing issue because while I still enjoy Blades 2 for what it is, it is kind of a.. mild let down after waiting this to be 3 years in the making.
okay that's it lol.
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This a remake of something I posted on my old blog. On July 8th 2023 Bob tweeted;
Since the original image attached is quite long and pixelated, I transcribed it- exactly as he wrote it. He says that he regrets things he's said in the past, talks about where he is at now, and sends a message out to past friends. You can find the full message text underneath the cut. Warning for talk about suicide and internet hate.
[Tweet] bob bryar @/bobbryar: i really shouldn't post this but, as you know, i make some bad decisions. i think if you click it you should be able to read the whole thing. sorry it's kind of long. ❤️-bc
[Image] hi friends,
i'm going to go out on a super long limb and be the most honest i've ever been in my life. probably too honest. i was going to write something like this only to my close friends but i just decided fuck it, i'll write to everyone, whoever wants to read it can read it. i have nothing to hide. nothing to lose.
nobody knows i'm doing this and it's all me by myself. it will probably be a jumbled mess because i'm obviously feeling like shit, but i hope it will make sense. i have nothing that i'm trying to promote. i have nothing that i'm trying to sell, i'm just trying to get better, clear some things up, and keep going. i'm an extremely private person now so it makes no sense at all for me to do this, and it's way out of my comfort zone, but i'm tired of people dying. i will probably regret this but...... fuck it, way too many friends are now gone and i'm exhausted so here we go.
i've spent years hiding from everyone because i receive so much hate that i don't know how to deal with, and i know i probably deserve it. somehow, no matter how much i hide, i still get messages, phone calls, texts, and even letters in my mailbox. a lot of them are very nice and they make me smile, but most are pretty much telling me to die. some literally just say "DIE" and that's it. LOL. i really don't understand why anyone even cares or takes the time to find me but here we are.
i am way too old for this shit so i've put on a tough guy stone face and pretended like nothing ever bothered me. but when i'm alone i just sit and stare at the wall and think about how things went so wrong. how i had so many friends and now have so few, and now i lost the life that i really enjoyed and worked so hard for. honestly, i've become a pretty lonely and unhappy dude.
i feel very lucky and fortunate so i've worked extra hard to help people and animals that needed a hand without ever bragging or asking for anything in return. even after trying so hard to be the best person that i could possibly be i still feel like an extremely hated dude and i'm not really sure why. when i moved into my hole in the woods most people just forgot about me and didn't care, or never cared anyways, but the people that still come after me are too much to handle.
a while ago i made the decision to give away everything that i owned, give away all of my money, spend some time with the few friends that i had left, wipe my phone, stop talking or replying to everyone so they wouldn't care, and then end it. peace out. i even had the note, the rope (ratchet strap for moving the motorcycles) and location (my garage) ready to go. i felt like that was the only option for me. i felt like i had lived my life and it was time for me to go. i had lost my girl of 13 years that i really needed and relied on, lost all of my pets that were like my kids, had multiple friends die or just disappear, and lost every part of the music industry that i grew up in and lived 24/7. it seemed like everyone in that world magically disappeared when i wasn't getting them gigs, making them money, or getting them into events for free anymore. i had my wrist surgically rebuilt twice to be able to play instruments again but by the time my hand worked i was too old to start over, everything was gone, luckily for me, at the last moment i realized that wasn't the solution. i realized that i couldn't put my mom, my dogs, and the few friends i had left through something like that. i don't think anyone else would have cared to be honest.
i was in a really bad spot but i really didn't, and don't want to die. i was just an angry and lost dude. i lost all trust in people. i still only trust a couple people now and i'll probably be this way for the rest of my life. i also had no idea that i came off as such a jerk all the time. i never meant to. i only just realized it recently when i hit bottom and people got real with me. i really had no idea. other than my fake tough guy attitude i always thought i was a really good person that did good things for the world.
in the past i've made some dumb comments that were either admittedly wrong or were very misinterpreted. i've learned a lot since then and i'm sorry. i really am sorry. maybe i can have the opportunity to address those comments, or anything else, to clear the air and maybe feel happy again. maybe we can be friends again. maybe we can even help someone else that is feeling shitty or alone at the same time.
i'm now mentally healthy (still physically a potato), humbled, and ready to move forward. i want to reconnect with friends, catch up with the rest of the world that i avoided for so long, and remember the experiences (good and bad) that i've blocked out. it's super weird for me at this point but i want to talk more. maybe something on an app. i don't know what everyone uses now. remember, it's been a while and i'm an old man now. i've never gone on a live camera app to talk so i'm not sure which one is the best or how to use any of them. i messed around with instagram the other day when i was trying to play a game and i think i got it figured out for the most part. i dont especially want to be seen because i'm a fat old man now, and i hate being on camera, but i think it's the best way to be real. i have the username "bobbryar" on every app that i'm aware of except instagram. the instagram username is "bcbryar" because someone took my name for some reason. btw, i'd like to have that back if anyone knows how.
i'm probably opening the door for a refueled barrage of embarrassment, but this is my last try to make things fun and live a happy life again. so fuck it again. if this turns out horribly i will just go back to my hole and not try again. i promise.
i know most of you are thinking 'waaah, fuck you, i don't care, nobody likes you anymore, you're old, just go away, etc'. i've heard it all and i understand. but for the people who want to talk, let's do it and hopefully be friends again. i've been thinking about this for a while now.
maybe this is dumb. probably. i don't know. but if you are down i will hang out as long as you want. if it goes well maybe we can talk more often. maybe it might be fun. it's definitely time to have some motherfucking fun again.
i already know that i'm going to get super extra roasted for writing this but oh well. don't care.
anyways... let me know if you are down. i'd really like to have my friends back in my life again. i really miss my friends a lot.
i'm heading back over to the DCI competition now and i'm late. i miss that a lot too. maybe i'll see you there, come hang out and have some fun.
i hope to talk very soon.
❤️ -bc.
[Reply to the tweet] bob bryar @/bobbryar: you can save it as a picture and then see the whole thing. thanks for the help jordan. 🙂
#i watched one of his live streams on instagram- he played fortnite with pink floyd's the dark side of the moon playing in the background#idk ive been wanting to have this on my blog again for a while and since im in my bob feelings here we go#im not commenting on the value of his words here in this post. just sharing it#bob bryar#mcr#twitter
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Hey so this came up talking to my buddies who are in charge of hiring at their workplace yesterday, and I know taking Advice About Employment from someone who hasn't been employed in mumble mumble years is on its face a little stupid-sounding, but if you're at the interview stage and you've heard that you should ask questions but you're not sure what and also you're sure you're going to be nervous:
Interview the interviewer.
Seriously. The more you can shift your mindset from, "oh gods if I can't get this paycheck I don't know what I'll do," to, "I might not even want this job, but I'm going to interview this person and find out if it's right for me," the better. And obviously you still do need the paycheck and you might still take a job you don't want, but your confidence in the interview will skyrocket if you can pull this mental switch on yourself.
Take notes throughout. No, really, bring paper or a notebook and something nice to write with, and jot things down. If they raise an eyebrow (they shouldn't!) just tell them you're making notes on what you want to double back and ask them about. This shows you're an engaged listener and also polite enough to not interrupt, but firm enough to not let questions slide entirely.
When you get to the end and they ask you if you have any questions, this is where you ask them about workplace culture and their own job and performance. What's it like working there? How is onboarding handled? How is communication handled? If it's a shift job, what's the procedure for finding coverage? Is there room to advance? Do they promote from within? Most of the questions they ask you about past jobs are fair game for you to ask them about their current job too, like: What challenges do they face at work? Daily? Monthly? Long-term? What do they enjoy about the workplace? What would they change about it? Depending on the type of work you can ask them about what kinds of projects, cases, clients, etc. are typical and have they had any atypical ones, and how were those handled?
Seriously, the more you ask from the point of view that the interview is a fully equitable, two-way process, the better. Obviously in many ways it's not, but again, this isn't about the reality, this is about Performing Confidence. They want to see if you're a good fit for them, and vice versa, you want to see if they're a good fit for you.
Again, yes, I haven't been employed for...timespan that I'd actually have to do math on. Despite being an introverted weirdo with a not very impressive CV, though, the last time I had a job, I beat 250+ applicants for a job that I had no real prior experience in, mainly on the strength of my interview, which I basically treated like a fun little jaunt up to San Francisco to see if this was a place that I felt like working. Not in a flippant way, but still. I don't remember being stressed at all. I mostly remember getting lunch afterwards and it was soup in a sourdough bread bowl. Did I have nerves? Eh! Probably! Dunno! I mostly had broccoli cheddar soup and a job offer after a few more days.
Like yes there's no magical way to guarantee success at any given interview, but I have a surprising number of friends who handle interviewing and hiring and they are always praying for people who can do this in an interview. This is as close to a silver bullet as you can get. Being engaged and asking questions is THEE ONE THING they most want in interviewees but they very rarely get it.
So yeah fake it 'til you make it, but fake it in a very specific way where actually you're interviewing them to see if their job offer would be a good fit for you, not the other way around. You can, in fact, say, "I don't think this place will be a good fit for me at this moment, but thank you so much for your time." Yeah, you probably won't, but the point is that it's a real option and remembering that is empowering. Shift the focus of power in the process, even if it's just in your own mind, because I guarantee it's not just in your own mind if you can do it.
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hi this is a free space to infodump about any of your fics. my ears are open and my eyes are peeled. love your writing
Thank you anon! I love infodumping about my fics but I hate doing it without reason, so this is literally perfect.
Ok, so: more P5R fic this time, but I've actually run out of Palace AUs for the moment so it's something else I was cooking.
It's a rewrite of the Okumura's Palace "Morgana fallout" scene where Ryuji and Morgana get so heated that Morgana runs away, but instead of making Joker a passive observer who just... watches his team fall apart, I gave him some agency (and anger!) to work with. Disclaimer: Akira is really, really rude to Ryuji in this because he's snapping from months of pent-up anger, but I don't mean for it to last and this is not a Ryuji-bashing fic; they make up later.
"Fine then," and he can feel the moment the temperature plummets, knows that the hard-edged voice which he'd taken so much care to soften has finally reared its head. There's nothing he can do about it, though— the anger wells in cracks and bubbles, impossible to ignore. "Let's go on the merits of usefulness, shall we? In that case, I should simply disband the Phantom Thieves, because I can do everything you can."
It's too far. It's way too fucking far. He shouldn't be saying this at all, breaking their trust— how could he disband the only thing holding them together, giving their lives meaning and purpose? But there is nothing he can do to stop the venom spilling out of his mouth, the months of pent-up tension and weariness inflicted on him the moment he stepped into Tokyo.
[...]
“Where do you get off calling Morgana useless?!” Akira cuts it again, unable to stop himself. It skips across his body merrily, this vein of deep-seated anger, intertwining itself with the erratic thump-thump-thump of his heartbeat. “Is that all the Phantom Thieves are to you? Useful or useless?”
That manages to cut through the chaos of the room like a knife. In the deadly still aftermath of his words, Akira derives cold satisfaction the way his teammates flinch back from him. It swells in his heart like that, thick and hazy, erupting into the room like poison gas.
There's something incredibly interesting about Akira teetering on that edge of "why can't I do this by myself?". He is a Wildcard/Trickster with huge adaptability due to his range of Personas, so while it would suck to not have his teammates as a safety net, he is theoretically capable of going through the game (at this level, anyway, not so much early on) solo; that's also a little gameplay-story integration with the Joker Solo runs people do.
This, of course, is also incredibly similar to Akechi's own philosophy around teammates, and part of why they mirror each other in so many ways. Speaking of Akechi, though, this is also fundamentally a shuake fic, so:
Akira runs a hand through his hair, grimacing as it comes away sticky with rainwater. He doesn’t dare look at Akechi while he thinks of a reply— it feels too invasive, meeting the detective’s eyes, as if he’ll see through everything Akira is trying so desperately to hide.
“Are you alright, Kurusu? Did something happen?”
Damn him. Akechi has always been uncannily perceptive, although any person with a half-decent brain could probably tell he’s going through some shit right now. The way the detective’s voice goes soft around the edges, though, something almost compassionate creeping through…
“I’m fine, detective,” he replies curtly, hunching further into himself as he turns away from Akechi’s gaze. That compassion is the same poison in Yusuke’s voice, the one that punctured his heart like bullets. “Shouldn’t you be getting home?”
“You don’t look fine,” Akechi bites back, sharper. It’s almost a relief as the concern bleeds away from his voice, replaced with something more disapproving and caustic. “Did someone attack you? Are you hurt?”
Fuck. Akira resists the urge to bury his head in his knees and tries to breathe. Every cold breath seems to stab him in the lungs, a tip-tap to the rhythm of the rain soaking him through.
...A shadow falls over him. Akira looks up to see Akechi’s umbrella open over him, the detective’s grip on the handle tight with tension.
“You’re going to catch a cold if you stay like this,” Akechi says tonelessly. “You should go home, Kurusu.”
Akira runs away to Kichijoji to avoid confronting his friends after (blowing up at them / punching Ryuji in the face / having a traumatic flashback) all in one. I don't want to spoil the rest of the fic but it's shuake, Akechi finds Akira in a vulnerable state, you can fill in the rest of the blanks (though it's not smut).
Something I will share though is that sometimes it's easier to share your burdens with someone you are strangers with. Akechi isn't exactly a stranger to Akira, but they have a connection that is both incredibly personal and also impersonally strange. They act like acquaintances and then rivals in the confidant progression, but there is a spark of recognition in that relationship that is absent from most others: like recognises like, which is why the Shuake relationship is so interesting to explore. They skip every conceivable normal 'milestone' a normal friendship does but still understand each other on a deep level because of their similar backgrounds and experiences.
Here's a part I'm really proud of, though:
He doesn’t have any defenses or smokescreens left to throw up. All Akira can do is avert his gaze and curl his hands tighter around the mug, uncaring of the way it begins to burn him. What can he say? Sorry, I thought you were arresting me?
Akechi sighs, and although Akira can’t see his expression, it sounds utterly defeated.
“I would appreciate a truthful answer,” he says evenly, although perhaps only Akira is privy to the tightly-controlled bundle of emotions behind that flat neutrality. “If nothing else, for the sake of not repeating this incident. Don’t take me for a fool, Kurusu. Your actions tonight were highly irregular, and I could already work out an answer based on what you told me.”
“Then why don’t you?”
“I’d rather hear it from you instead,” Akechi shrugs. There is a storm brewing in his red eyes, though, formidable and piercing. “Don’t you hate it when people just assume things about you without asking for your perspective?”
(quick context: Akira had a traumatic reaction to Akechi trying to haul him to his feet)
This is something they share deeply. Of course, it's obvious with Akira because he is the subject of so many bad 'delinquent' rumours in Shujin, subject to literally everyone who knows about his criminal record assuming things about him before they meet him, up to and including Sojiro. Akechi's is less obvious but just as intense: it's two-fold, coming from both his status as an orphaned bastard child and as a Detective Prince. He accrues the default social reaction of pity or praise respectively due to the assumptions forced on him by society; for an orphan it's helplessness, stupidity, and being unloveable, and as the Detective Prince it's the assumption that he has his life under control with everything handled. In this way they are both people who have had the burden of societal expectations forced upon them.
One last snippet to end this rambling off:
“What’s it to you?” Akira finally manages, averting his gaze. The mug beneath his fingers has finally cooled to a reasonable temperature, once again allowing the chill to spread along his fingertips, ice freezing over slowly in his veins.
What is Akira’s deepest weaknesses and insecurities, to Akechi? Why is he sitting in Akechi’s living room at three in the morning, allowing the detective to dissect his psyche?
Akechi goes silent. When he speaks, he’s back to the placid TV mask again, his idle fingers and tapping foot curiously still. “I wasn’t aware it was anything, Kurusu-kun. I saw you in trouble, so I helped you. Is there anything more to it than that?”
I saw you in trouble, so I helped you.
Akira, coming between the drunken man and the woman he was accosting. Watching Ryuji about to be executed by Kamoshida.
Akechi has just cited the motive of the Phantom Thieves. Or, well, the motive before the fame and popularity got to their heads. Something dizzying jolts through his chest— is this how they felt? Thinks of Kawakami’s miserable second job, Hifumi’s controlling mother, Chihaya preyed on by a cult. Changing their hearts. Is this how they felt, being helped?
This is so dear to me because I interpret things to see that Akechi is not heartless. He is, obviously, a serial killer and assassin working for a fascist politician/father for his own ends, but that doesn't mean he has completely ditched all his values.
This is where I diverge from canon a bit. After the Akechi Black Mask fight, Futaba says: "but you didn't trust anyone. So you got one [Persona] for your lies, and one for your hate." This implies that Robin Hood stems from the lie of justice within Akechi's own heart and was never genuine— yet in the 'Proof of Justice' OVA in the anime as well as Akechi Rank 5, Akechi is depicted idolising heroes and using a laser gun (his weapon in both Metaverse forms) from a young age, before his mother died. Robin Hood represents the quintessential 'steal from the rich, give to the poor' kind of underdog justice that would fit the Thieves perfectly if he didn't turn out to be traitor, but we're also given hints that this is the original Akechi before he was tainted by the world; his version of 'justice' that was true even if it was simultaneously used as a lie.
Think of it like... method acting. Goro's Robin Hood, and by extension, "I saw you in trouble, so I helped you" justification is an act, because he is putting on a show of a courteous gentleman to fit with his public image. But that act stems from a genuine desire for justice and righteousness in his heart that never quite died.
This is also multiplied 10x by the fact that it's Akira whom Goro is trying to help and they have that aforementioned unique relationship that is impossible for me to define in a single post.
Actually I lied, this is the snippet I want to finish on: I wanted this continuity to carry into Royal's Third Semester so I wrote an extended interaction of their 'reunion' in January.
“I need to know what happened now between then,” Goro asks curtly, done with dancing around the topic. “Did you take down Shido? What happened after?”
So Kurusu explains. “Yes, we took down Shido,” in a voice that bears an unmistakable hint of pain. He shelters it well, but it’s still recognisable to Goro’s trained ears— after all, doesn’t it sound awfully familiar to that same wavering tone a soaked Kurusu had used outside of the billiards bar in Kichijoji in November, shrinking away from his touch like it might burn him?
The memory slams itself into Goro in a way he doesn’t know what to do with, so he shelves it and listens to the absolutely insane explanation of how Akira shot god on Christmas Day.
Thanks so much for the interest in my fic because god I have so many thoughts to expunge that wouldn't fit in authors notes! This one isn't published and it's literally just saved on my computer as 'P5R fic', so if people had fun title recommendations (preferably lifted from irl literature because that's my style) feel free to send them in.
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reflections
less than one week now until i move into my flat. the referencing got approved yesterday (thank god). there were no reasons it shouldn't get approved but it was still a constant low-level of stress that really wore me down.
going through all my belongings, in particular the little things i brought back from germany last year and had tactically hidden away, has left me feeling a little pensive. i think what i'm most sad about is that i can't enjoy my memories of that time. i can't even look at my photos – even the ones without people in them – which kinda sucks.
i know i will be able to enjoy those memories eventually and that's also why made a point not to throw anything away. one day it will be a time of my life that i can look back on fondly even if it didn't end well. and it's also why i want to go back to germany on my own. i want to make my own memories and i want to prove to myself i can do it on my own.
in other more boring news: i've ordered all the "essentials" i need for the move. nice cookware, toaster, kettle, etc. i'm determined not to live like a student again. i want to surround myself with nice things, whether those be new or second-hand. unfortunately this means that i will have no furniture outside of what i currently have at home, which is: a desk, a bed, 2x sets of shelves.
i'd rather be thinking about what cool art i can put up on the walls and what stylish furniture i can find, but once i'm moved in my immediate concerns will be a washing machine, microwave and sofa. the washing machine sucks big time because it's such a boring but such an EXPENSIVE appliance. and sadly i promised the lettings agents three months rent up front to secure the flat (trying to look on the bright-side of this one as "i won't have to pay rent for three months").
overall i am feeling really positive about the move and i am excited, but right now i am just feeling pretty stressed and tired all the time. i don't have a lot of mental space OR physical space, because there are boxes everywhere. it's manageable because i pretty much have a STOP BEING STRESSED date for next friday. all my stuff will still be in boxes but it will be spread around 61 square meters of space rather than a single room (it's only a 1 bed flat, but it feels so BIG).
i'm also staying positive by thinking about my plans for this year. the main one and the one i am most excited for is our international friend group meet up, with people (hopefully) travelling from the US, norway and germany (and a few hours away in england). most are people i got the meet last year but there are a few new faces i am really excited to meet in person.
planning for my cologne trip can recommence once i am moved. i didn't like having to pause that one because it was a really nice distraction when i was busy being sad. i will probably go in either spring or autumn – whenever is outside the school holidays. this will be the first time i've ever gone on holiday by myself. also debating doing a long weekend or something just to visit the christmas markets, by which point i should be B1 level or even B2.
my nephew is due any day now and i'm excited to be an aunt. hopefully i can take a trip to visit at some point. there will also be my brother's wedding later this year. in general, i do like weddings, but it's not going to live up to last year's poland wedding or my friends' wedding.
been trying to write this post for a while now and i just finally found the (many) words. anyway, that's where i am at the moment.
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