It is my firm belief that Wyll is a pre top surgery transman during the events of the games and it is one of the first things he does after dealing with the absolute crisis . Sorry his nightwear reminds me of compression gear and I cannot unsee it . He practices safe binding just to be clear , at night he just wears something to keep up the appearance so to speak + he just feels more comfortable that way . I also have the belief that Wyll is a pressure kind of sensory guy . So having that sort of weight on him helps him rest better

Review for A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall

Man, trans representation in books is next to nothing but trans representation in historical romance? I literally have not read any historical romance where a trans character is the main lead. This baffles me because trans people existed before the term trans is coined to describe them. The term transgender was popularized in the 1990s (Rawson, 2020) and trans people lived before it, yet books, where they are the centers, are non-existent. 

A Lady for a Duke by Alexis Hall tells the story of a trans woman, Viola, after leaving her life as a soldier, a friend, an heir, and a Viscount, and finally deciding to live her life as what she is. But her freedom cost her to lose her closest companion, the Duke of Gracewood. 

Two years after the war, Viola now serving as a lady’s companion of Viscountess Marleigh, her sister-in-law, is pushed to meet the Duke who suffers from his wounded leg and PTSD. As Viola, tries to bring back Gracewood to what she knows, realizations are made, and maybe this time the feelings buried deep can be let out. Maybe this time the impossible gets to be possible. 

8 Things I Love About A Lady for a Duke 

1. Trans representation. Trans representation in media is important because trans people exist and should be represented in mass media! Sure, the book is set in a kind of regency era, and won’t fit in today’s society but the fact that a trans woman found her happy ending in this book means that trans people can find theirs in real life. 

2. Her being trans isn’t the main conflict in the book. The main conflict in the book lies with the fact that since she became Viola, she lost her wealth and is a woman in a very patriarchal society. No one in the book questions her being trans but Viola knows that everyone will question how the Duke of Gracewood fell in love with a lady’s companion. HER BEING A TRANS IS PART OF HER IDENTITY BUT IS NOT THE PROBLEM!!! I cried so much when I realized this tbh. 

3. Content Warnings! Listen I am all for not spoiling books but putting a trigger warning or a content warning on one of the first pages of the book would tremendously help a lot of people. In this book, one of the warnings was about Viola being dead-named by some characters, and if a trans person or anyone read this without knowing it, it could be a trigger for them. Put trigger warnings, please. 

4. Modernization of the language. Reading regency or any historical romance, especially classics, one will always find it harder to understand than contemporary works because the structure of the language is different, and the words used are not the same as now. So, it is a good thing that Alexis decided to modernize some of the languages because it connects to the audience much easier. However, some would argue that this is unnecessary and ruins the genre but well there are other books for you to gatekeep the language babe. 

5. Beautiful and romantic prose. I swear to everyone that this has one of the most romantic prose there is. Gracewood saying that she’s his home, her breath, and him saying this

“I love you as a man loves a woman, but we both know that love is not bound by such narrow terms. So instead lead me simply tell you that I love you. I love you with the unfading flame of my friendship. With every drop of ardour in my blood. I love you with my soul, as some reserve their faith for absent gods. I love you as I believe in what is right and hope for what is good. I love you with everything I am and ever was-and if you will only let me, with every day that comes, and every self that I could ever be.” (Chapter 34)          

I want a Gracewood, please.

6. PTSD. The exploration of PTSD for both Gracewood and Viola since they were both in war is so well done. While reading you ache for both, especially Gracewood. His pain was described so vividly that I remember feeling heartbroken for him. 

7. Body acceptance. Since Viola is a trans woman she has the faculties of a male-born individual, so the discussion about her being worried that she cannot bear children, and having a sexual relationship with Gracewood like other women was so beautiful. I found myself highlighting every phrase because it was so beautifully described. I love that Viola realized her worth and that she also deserves pleasure and love. 

8. Love. So much love in the book, it’s oozing. 

Rating: 5 stars 

Links: https://gayety.co/history-of-the-word-transgender

Tumblr wouldn't let me respond to you so here it goes @oswalish #oswalish since you've blocked me.

"Adamantly". Well all I'm doing is staying in a fandom that has meant a lot to me since I learned to read, that promotes love, respect for people, friendship, standing up for what you believe in, confronting injustice and hatred, and diversity, sending messages such as we're all better because we come in all colours, forms, shapes and sizes, and we're all valuable, special and have a place in history. I know that if any of my money goes to J. K. Rowling, it'll go straight into organisations such as Lumos, which protects institutionalised children and helps them find a forever, or into Beira's Place, which helps victims of sexual abuse, or perhaps into donations Rowling makes to help women in oppressed countries such as Afghanistan to get them lawyers if they've been imprisoned, and be freed and sent back home, or into donations Rowling makes to help Ukrainian refugees, and so on. Or perhaps my money will go to Volant Charitable Trust, which uses its annual budget to combat poverty and social inequality, with a particular emphasis on women and children, and which additionally funds major disaster appeals as the focus of the Trust's international support, or into her regular donations to Medicines Without Borders, or into the money she puts in things like when she helped create Edinburgh University's Centre for Regenerative Medicine, or her donations to Scotland's Multiple Sclerosis Society, or The Anne Rowling Regenerative Neurology Clinic at Edinburgh University. You can read more about her charity work here: https://www.borgenmagazine.com/facts-about-j-k-rowlings-charity-work/ I mean she doesn't have the Order of the Companions of Honour for nothing, she has it because she does so much for so many, and I am very happy to give whatever money I can afford to give to someone that I can trust to put it where she thinks it'll be more necessary, contrary to politicians.

Hogwarts Legacy was a game bought by a dear Jewish relative to me for Christmas (because I wasn't brought-up very religiously and we don't do Hanukkah, but Christmas is more popular where we live). She's elderly and couldn't understand the whole buying it online, so she gave me the money so I could buy it for myself, out of the kindness of her heart, and knowing all the causes Rowling supports and hoping some of my 50 pounds would go into that. And she also did it because she knew my late father, who was such a Harry Potter fan and with whom I bonded over our mutual love for Harry Potter, would've loved to get me the game and remind me of all those days reading Potter together when he was still alive, so she kind of did it for him as well. And I play when I don't work or study, in my few spare hours, knowing some of the money will go into charity, and exploring the world I fell in love with through my dad and thinking about him as I do, which is very especial to me.

People have accused me of being anti-Semitic even though I belong in the Jewish community and actively support it and have gotten into dangerous situations for protecting Jews. People have accused me of being transphobic even though I've been campaigning for transgender rights for the past decade, going to protests and voting and talking to politicians and everything, and am very good friends with several transgender people. But I don't care any more. I know the things I do and the activism that I do and my heart is at peace. And I realise that the people who accuse me of shit without knowing anything are the same ones that do the exact same with Rowling. They accuse her of transphobia because she stated that sex is real and that you can't change biology (which is a medical fact) even though she's supported by plenty of transgender individuals who I've seen speaking out and thanking her for giving them a voice when their own collective is bullying the shit out of them. They accuse her of anti-Semitism because she used goblins in her stories, when 1, goblins are a big part of European folklore (and particularly of Rowling's, since she lives in Scotland, which is one of the places with the strongest links to celtic folklore) and everyone uses them, and 2, even the Jews stand in support of J.K. Rowling.

And additionally, I am not going to let a mob of violent jerks give me any lessons on morality. They're bullying children for linking a fandom or a videogame, making them self-harm and want to die, and telling them to kill themselves for liking Harry Potter. There is no way I'm ever going to stand in support of those people, ever. And they're bullying transgender people as well, particularly detransitioners, and supporting horrible things like transmaxing, or like children having life-changing surgeries without needing to see doctors first to be clear about the impact of it, and when people like me begin trying to inform possibly transgender children that if they have surgery, there really is no going back, and there could be chronic pain and boobs don't grow back, and all those things cannot be fixed later, they call us transphobic as well, even though what we're trying is to make sure people are properly informed before making any decisions.

So yeah, I sleep well at night, my conscience is very calm, and I am baffled at the oppression, aggression and authoritarianism displayed by supposed supporters of the transgender collective. They're behaving like Nazis and trying to give lessons about anti-Semitism. Well, the irony.

New Post has been published on Books by Caroline Miller

New Post has been published on https://www.booksbycarolinemiller.com/musings/the-art-of-self-destruction/

The Art Of Self Destruction

The two tall men pulled out chairs on either side of me as we sat at the lunch table.  Former colleagues from my political days, Covid had severed our connection three years ago. Now we were reviving the contact.  Happily, both men looked well though one admitted he was struggling with Diabetes. Diet is critical to controlling the disease, so  I bit my tongue when he and his companion ordered hamburgers, fries, and colas. While we waited for the order, the man without diabetes broke into a story. “ My plumber for the last twenty years fixed my toilet the other day and announced he was a transgender woman.”The man who should have ordered a salad laughed. A lifelong Republican, he rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. “So he/she is giving up plumbing?” “No,” said our friend.  “But I expect her to charge less.” Coffee spurted from my nose as I stifled a giggle.  It’s wrong to laugh at others, but my vulgarian self wasn’t listening. Afterward, to clear my conscience, I shared what I’d learned about transgenders while writing a blog—that sex expresses itself throughout the body in several ways and that physical differences exist between homosexual and heterosexual brains.  Science is challenging cultural norms I told my friends, and those who choose to fight change should heed the Darlek’s warning.  “Resistance is futile” What we’ve yet to understand about ourselves is the disconnect between reason and human behavior.  Being educated seems to count for nothing. Tucker Carlson and Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas are intelligent men, yet both allow truth and hypocrisy to share the same bed.  Carlson confides that he abhors Donald Trump yet is content to earn his supper by praising the man. Thomas dispenses justice to others never doubting his conduct is exempt.  “We live in a time of social upheaval,” I assured my friends as I risked another swallow of coffee. What I didn’t add was that not all change was good. Holywood has crafted a more inclusive set of standards for the Oscars, for example,  but  Richard Dreyfus says they make him want to “vomit.” The aim may be laudable, but my spine also stiffened. Art and political correctness aren’t good traveling companions.  In times of unreasoned savagery, art was obliged to offend. Intelligence, as Carlson and Thomas illustrate, lacks the power to overwhelm sentiments like greed and fear.  Against these, we have but one defense–Emotional I. Q.  It allows us to understand our feelings and use that understanding to interpret the responses of others. Unfortunately, history’s chaos suggests we’ve done little to develop that aspect of our brains.  While technology and science propel us into brave new worlds, our emotions are those we’ve carried since the stone age.  Greed and fear seem to dominate which leaves us ill-equipped to be guardians of the planet. Even so, we are moving forward with plans to adapt space as part of our infrastructure. An ambition like that gives new meaning to the Greek notion of hubris and raises a new question.  How will we confront the life forms we encounter in space? Will we embrace them with wonder?  Or will we treat differences as a reason to hate? Art has long been the vessel designed to hold revelation.  Pablo Picasso exposes our inhumanity in Guernica.  James Nachtwey’s war images beg us to feel shame. Yet the primitive brain knows how to defend itself.  If truth is painful, we become blind to it.     When our lunch visit is over,  I rise to give a hug to my two friends.  Peering over the shoulder of one with diabetes, I note he’s consumed his hamburger, fries, and cola. A line from Donna Tart’s The Goldfinch pops into my head. Sometimes we want what we want even if we know it’s going to kill us.   Second cover teaser for the memloir, Gettling Lost tp Find Home 

Wait back up explain how yjk is a trans woman. This isn’t a hostile ask I’m actually very excited about your take

I am happy to explain my take. here’s how trans woman yoo jonghyuk can still win. orv spoilers below, obviously, mostly centered around the murim arc but up through the end of the epilogues as well. 

okay normally in terms of making this kind of post i’d go pull quotes directly from the text and i honestly really want to but i’m supposed to be catching up on homework today and can’t justify taking the time. anyway. i’m just gonna they/them yjh here because i’m never sure what pronouns to use when talking about a character who i think Should Come Out in the Future. 

first things first, everything about being a transcender is very gendery. prominent transcenders in ORV are

- kyrgios, an incredibly beautiful man who is self conscious of his small stature

- breaking the sky sword saint namgung minyoung, who is a woman of an unusually large stature, thought by some to be monstrous, who teaches a discipline of martial arts exclusively for women. 

- jang hayoung, a trans girl, who is the king of transcenders

- yoo jonghyuk. 

when they talk about transcendence in orv there are two very specific things that come up repeatedly: 1. being able to overcome the natural limitations of the body and 2. defying the structure opposed onto them by the star stream system. Specifically an interesting note about that last bit is that there’s this whole thing about how transcendence can only exist because the star stream exist - it exclusively exists in opposition to the rigorous hierarchy of the star stream, which is the dominant social narrative, and has no meaning or power on it’s own.

In a text like orv’s, i don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to see ‘characters who are social outcasts attempt to gain power by forging a sense of self outside of the dominant order and overcoming the limitations of their physical body’ and read it as a metaphor for being transgender. but then, on top of that, there’s all the stuff with the punisher

everything that’s in orv is there for a reason. there is an insanely little amount of wasted space in this novel. despite how much shit that happens it’s an incredibly tight narrative. SO WHY DO WE INTRODUCE THE CONCEPT THAT YOO JONGHYUK IS STRONGEST WHEN TRANSFORMED INTO A WOMAN? obviously it’s just incredibly fun hijinks in and of itself to have yoo jonghyuk’s gender get transed, but literally all of this begs the question of “why write it so that yoo jonghyuk’s primary martial art form is something that’s supposed to only be learned by women.” 

the narrative doesn’t ever really address the in-universe reasoning behind why they can actually learn it. kim dokja gives us what boils down to ‘he manage to overcome that’ without no real elaboration. jang hayoung learns breaking the sky swordsmanship as well. whatever gender-based qualification is used to allow people to learn the skill, it’s not a biological gender-essentialist one.

the punisher introduction pays off when YJH uses that appearance to win the martial arts festival, but to me that mechanical, narratively-oriented reason for its inclusion doesn’t justify it’s presence in the story in and of itself. 

What really stuck out to me on the read through later was this line, from the demon king selection arc, when yjh takes the punisher’s form to combat the constellations after kim dokja has passed out. 

A dazzling aura burst from Yoo Jonghyuk’s body. Soft hair poured down like a waterfall while his large size became a smaller and sleeker body. He took the form that allowed him to practice the ultimate Breaking the Sky Swordsmanship. Yoo Sangah stared at the scene from behind and couldn’t help opening her mouth. “…Yoo Jonghyuk-ssi?” 

 Yoo Jonghyuk slowly turned back, his long hair cut off by the Black Demon Sword. The ines of the face had changed but it was clearly Yoo Jonghyuk. No, it was even more than before. 

basically, after appearing to their companions as a woman, the narrative tells us yoo jonghyuk looks more like yoo jonghyuk than before. 

this reading also makes even more sense when you interpret it through the lens of how power hierarchy actually works in orv’s narrative. incarnation, constellation, and transcenders alike all gain their truest power from their stories. the Story of yoo jonghyuk as a woman is one that is, quite literally, empowering. 

although we know it’s not actually true, yjh themself and kdj’s understanding and interpretation of yjh, present yjh as a person whose only goal in life is to, by any means including the sacrificing of countless human lives, some of whom he is very personally close to, gain the power to overcome the star stream. but here we have a significant power boost yjh seems to actively avoid taking advantage of. which really suggests there’s some deeper emotional issues at play here.

which brings me to my last point: i think it would just be a very fitting end for the character.

We never see yjh’s ◼️◼️ in canon. Yjh’s entire arc is about attempting to claim agency and personhood after that has been denied to them just by virtue of his very existence, and we don’t ever see this come to completion. Which i love, don’t get me wrong. I think yjh’s  ◼️◼️ is something that could never be in canon, because it’d have to be something that happened to them outside of the context of the story, for meta reasons. but that’s an entirely other discussion. Anyway. 

but point being this means that yjh’s sense of self is, at canon’s end, unresolved. Over the course of the epilogues we see yjh become, for the first time, a reader, and i think this is really critical. it’s kim dokja’s status as a ‘reader’ that allows him to have the greatest influence on the story. back before kim dokja seems to come to grips with jang hayoung’s gender identity, what people keep telling him is that there is ‘more than one interpretation of a story’. on a physical level, constellations and high level incarnations are composed of their stories. in orv canon the Self and the Story are for all intents and purposes, synonymous. hence the entire ending.

yjh’s story has been told and read by quite literally anyone but themself up to this point. but now, for the first time, yjh has both the space and means to self-reflect. coming out as a trans woman would be a radical reclamation of his own story, both re-reading their past and re-writing their future, and i think it’s a reading the text explicitly goes out of its way to give some support to. 

also. not to mention. yjh as a woman is canonically the hottest character in all of orv. just SO sexy, guys. so extremely sexy. 

Could i please have the New Vegas companions reacting to the courier coming out as trans? (Further specification abt the courier's situation can be provided if needed!) thank you sm!

Of course! I hope you enjoy! I think it’s fun to imagine pre-War concepts of gender getting a bit muddled or even rendered completely obsolete in the Wasteland, particularly in close-knit communities like the Khans or the Zion tribes- but I’m getting off-topic...

Raul felt a stirring of protective instinct for the first time since Tucson- he was unflinchingly supportive, of course. “Hey, no sweat, boss. It’s never too late to figure yourself out. Look at me, two hundred years old and still having an identity crisis over a vaquero costume.”

Boone... didn’t quite understand what the Courier meant at first. It had to be explained to him again, a bit more slowly, before he began to grasp it. “...Okay. Can you still hold a gun?” Despite never knowing quite what to say, he took the news well, always on the lookout for small ways he could help the Courier settle into their identity.

Veronica clapped the Courier on the back, perhaps a bit too hard. “That’s awesome! I mean, don’t tell the Brotherhood, but that’s awesome! Next time we go out looking for my dress, let’s get something for you too, okay?”

Cass barely batted an eyelash, simply sliding the Courier a shot. “To solving life’s great mysteries, then. Happy for you. It’s more common than you’d expect, y’know- especially back in NCR. We ever go back west, I’ll have to introduce you to some of my friends.”

Arcade nodded along, as though he’d had this conversation before. “Don’t worry, I’m not running for the hills. It’s... can I tell you a secret? The only one I’ll bother you with, I promise. I’ve been in your situation- uh, your exact situation, actually. All I’m saying is- the Followers helped me, and I’m sure they’d help you too. You just have to ask.”

Lily, much like Boone, needed a refresher on what the word ‘transgender’ actually meant- but it clicked nearly instantly after that. “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU, DEARIE. YOU TELL GRANDMA IF THERE’S ANYTHING YOU NEED!” Her celebration cake left much to be desired, but it was the thought that counted. 

The Teduray on the Philippines and the “one who became a woman”

I was alerted about an interesting article by on transgender concepts in the Philippines by  Sass Rogando Sasot.

She points to the conversation between some Teduray people and Stuart Schlegel, a cultural anthropologist and specialist on the Philippines, Indonesia and California. Below is an excerpt from Wisdom from a Rainforest: The Spiritual Journey of an Anthropologist (1998), Schlegel’s reflections on what he learned from living with the Teduray people in the 60’s.

One evening as Ukà was playing I asked the man next to me if she was married, because she had come to Figel accompanied by her brother, and her name didn’t indicate any children. He replied, “Oh no, Mo-Lini, she can’t be married. How could she have children? She is a mentefuwaley libun.” I had never heard that term before, but it was perfectly clear Teduray and meant “one-who-became-a-woman.” I said, “Oh, so she is really a man?” “No,” he said, “she is a genuine woman!” His word for “genuine” was tentu, which means “real” or “actual.” But if she were really a woman, what did it mean that she became a woman? I was confused. (Remember that this whole conversation was in Teduray and therefore was without pronouns like “he” or “she,” “him” or “her.”) I asked my companion, “Well, then, when she was born was she a boy or a girl?” When he replied, I detected a slight in incredulity that I could be so dense concerning a perfectly clear situation. “She was born a boy, Mo-Lini. Don’t you remember? I just said that she is one-who-became-a-woman!” “So then, cousin,”–I, the dense stranger in his world, forged bravely on–“she is really a man, just dressed like a woman!” My friend’s disbelief at my inability to see what was right before my eyes seemed to go up a notch, edging toward a puzzlement equal to my own. He said, “Can’t you understand? She is really a woman! She is one-who-became-a-woman.” So I played my trump card, sure it would clear up all this silliness: “Well, does she have a penis?” “Yes, of course she has a penis,” he said. “She is one-who-became-a-woman.” Finally I stopped quizzing him. In my world what identifies a man as “really” a male and a woman as “really” a female are their genitals, but evidently this was not so for the Teduray. In the months following this revelation, I asked several people about this phenomenon. I learned that in their view of things, what made you really a certain gender was the social role you played: how you dressed, how you wore your hair, what you did all day, how you were addressed by people, what gender you thought of yourself as being. And as far as Teduray were concerned, you could be whichever one you pleased. 

I later met a man who had been born a girl but who had chosen to be male and had lived a long life as a man. Most boys grew up wanting to be men and most girls grew up wanting to be women, but if anyone didn’t and wanted to switch, nobody cared a whit. He or she was not thought of as strange or eccentric and, except that marriage was considered inappropriate, was treated just like everyone else. Seeing my interest and opacity with regard to these people who changed gender, someone asked me, “Mo-Lini, don’t you have ones-who-became-women and ones-who-became-men in America?” “Well,” I said, “we have women and men who wear the other’s clothing, and we have men and women who would like to be the other gender.” “So, you see,” he said, “it’s just the same with you.” “No,” I had to reply. “Many Americans give such people a bad time. They despise them and consider them bad people.” “Just because they want to be a different gender?” he asked, amazement on his face. And his next question still rings in my ears: “Why is that? Why are you people so cruel?”.

“I wish I had even a glimmer of what we realize today about trans folks when I was in Figel, but in the 1960s I simply had no idea about any such things,” Schlegel later told Sasot  in a Facebook message.

As Saso points out, Mentefuwaley libun is not about a “man” becoming a woman but the ungendered “one” becoming a woman: “one-who-became-woman.” 

Ukà’s penis isn’t relevant to the Teduray people in determining her gender. She is a real woman even if she has one because she unfolded into being a woman.

Sifting through the Dregs

For series twelve of Doctor Who, I have opted to take a casual approach. I've avoided spoilers as much as possible. Although I caught the trailers, and the odd press photo, I've managed to stay away from things as simple as episode descriptions, writers, or even episode titles. I want to come into each story with as little expectation as possible. This is so that I might avoid hype, both of the negative and positive varieties. So when I read the words "Part One," after "Spyfall," it was genuinely a surprise. And when I read the words "Orphan 55 by Ed Hime," I was suddenly very hopeful.

If you remember from series eleven, I was a big fan of Ed Hime's episode "It Takes You Away." I praised its brazen absurdity, likening it to something Douglas Adams may have done. The episode is rather divisive in the fandom, as some might call it one of the worst episodes ever. Obviously, I disagree. Ed Hime stands out to me as exactly the kind of writer Doctor Who needs. Someone with a bit of a taste for the absurd, while still managing to capture human moments. Ironic then, that despite my best efforts to approach the episode without expectation, the hype I would most contest with would be my own. Does "Orphan 55," live up to my expectations? Let's get into it!

As I said, Ed Hime lends a sort of mad weirdness to Doctor Who that I feel a certain section of writers possess. Think your Lawrence Mileses, your James Gosses, or even the occasional Steven Moffat. These are writers, who for better or worse understand one thing about Doctor Who- it's weird. Strangely, one of the common most aspects ignored by Doctor Who writers is the absurdity. A blue police box wrapped around an impossible machine, piloted by an ancient trickster somehow becomes mundane. Doctor Who's weirdness is an integral element that has been around since its inception. That's why when the gang gets teleported by a contest cube Graham has assembled, and the first person we meet is a furry, I feel we're already onto a good start. Especially when they just finished cleaning up the biggest calamari ever from the TARDIS floor. (Anyone else think of the Nestine Consciousness?)

Characters like "Hyphen with a 3" or "Hyph3n," remind me of some of the '80s era's odder characters. I could easily see her and her tail living in "Paradise Towers," or perhaps riding a bus in "Delta and the Bannermen." But another reason I love her is that she's not just a furry, it's part of her identity. You don't get the idea that she's an outlier like real-life Trekkie, Barbara Adams, who famously wore her Star Trek uniform to jury duty and her place of work. Instead, you get the feeling that in the future, people respect identities. To use Star Trek again, I remember watching an episode of "Star Trek: Enterprise," where the character Trip has a crisis over whether or not a girl "was a man." When you compare this to the dialogue we're having about transgender rights in 2020, you're automatically reminded that Enterprise came out in 2001. By today's standards, furries are still seeking acceptance. Seeing Hyp3n in a partial fursuit may seem absurd now, but in its own way, it's futuristic. How very Doctor Who.

Things in this future, however, aren't all progressive acceptance of our fine furry friends, there seems to be trouble in paradise. As I said, the gang is greeted by Hyp3n, a sort of porter for a relaxation destination called "Tranquility Spa." The companions immediately take to the spirit of things, as they settle in for a bit of rest and relaxation. The Doctor, of course, starts snooping around. Meanwhile, a security team of two, Kane and Vorm are responding to "another security breach." Whatever it is requires machine guns, which seems like quite a lot. And if you're like me you'll spend the next half hour trying to figure out where you've seen Kane before. I'll help you out- it was Lydia from Breaking Bad. You're welcome. I just saved you a trip to IMDb.

The next scene introduces us to a concept that will run strong within this episode- Yaz as a gooseberry. We see a couple of pensioners, Benni and Vilma, enjoying their spa getaway. Just as Benni is about to ask Vilma to marry him, Yaz stands right between them. I mean, I know the pool is for everyone, but read the vibe, Yaz. Jeez. Meanwhile, Ryan is checking out the interior of Tranquility Spa. The bar looks like the kind of place art vampires go to get lemongrass enemas. It reminded me a lot of "The Leisure Hive," with a budget, or even a more modern twist on the Centre of Leisure from "Time and the Rani. So much of this episode reminded me of classic Doctor Who.

Ryan notices a vending machine, but as he's retrieving his food is infected by a hopper virus. The Doctor explains the virus is capable of jumping from computers to humans. After expelling it from his system, the Doctor bags it to take to whoever is in charge. While Ryan is sucking his thumb to reduce the hallucinogenic side effects of the virus, he sees a cutie in a similar situation, a young woman by the name of Belle. It's pretty obvious at this point that Belle is to be a sort of romantic interest for Ryan, and who can blame him? She lives up to her namesake!

Everyone is rounded up for a "tranquillity drill," to a safe location while Kane and Vorm run through the lobby with their guns in tow. As with most companions, travelling with the Doctor embeds a deeper curiosity. Much like the Doctor would, Ryan questions what type of drill requires guns. This question entices Belle to follow him as they investigate. I really liked this pairing of the two of them as their chemistry was natural, despite Ryan's repeated failures at chatting her up. It only added to their charm.

The Doctor confronts Hyp3n who seems just about as confused and nervous as many of the guests. Whatever she's hiding is only because she's been instructed to by her superiors. Considering the hopper virus and drill, the Doctor deduces that the spa is under attack, and demands to know what they're hiding. Who would want to harm a spa? The spa has been using an ionic membrane to keep out unwanted visitors, visitors which appear to have breached the membrane. Now under a full-on attack by a group of monstrous beings, guests become casualties. Not only is the base under attack, but the viruses have also handicapped the systems, disabling the emergency teleportation devices. With everyone trapped the Doctor has to work fast to stop the killing, as well as survive.

Graham finds a pair of green haired servicemen in the form of Nevi and his son Sylas. Their entire character design once again had me thinking of classic Doctor Who characters such as the Swampies from "The Power of Kroll," or the Karfelon androids from "Timelash." I liked wondering if they were a kind of species that has naturally green hair, or if they had father/son hair dying nights. In this brief interaction, you learn that Sylas is the better mechanic between the two of them, but that Nevi does a bad job of acknowledging this. Graham gathers them and others to evacuate while Ryan and Belle hideaway in a sauna of sorts. While there, they confide in each other that neither of them is nearly as impressive as they initially led on, and the truth strengthens their bond.

Sadly, as Graham is rounding people up, Benni gets separated after backtracking to pick up Vilma's hat. As life signs extinguish across a computer screen, highlighting the trail of carnage, the Doctor finds a way to push back the onslaught. By repairing the ionic membrane, the creatures, known as Dregs, are physically pushed out of the spa by a force field. The crisis averted, the survivors search for the bodies of their loved ones. Much to Graham's relief, Ryan and Belle have both narrowly avoided the claws and teeth of an angry Dreg. Benni, however, is nowhere to be found.

After discovering a hole, which looks like a tear in reality, our heroes discover that Tranquility Spa is actually an illusion. A dome separates the spa from a hostile planet far too polluted to inhabit. This abandoned, or "orphan," planet is designated "Orphan 55." This is the reason guests are teleported to the spa- to cover up its seedy location. However, it would appear that whatever the Dregs are, they seem to be apex predators, able to survive the hostile environment of Orphan 55. And they want the spa and its inhabitants gone.

The Doctor makes Kane drive them out into the wasteland to find Benni, as his oxygen tank would allow him to survive outside of the dome for some time. It was a thin chance, but it might be enough to save at least one person among the carnage. I was really hoping for some silly "Moonbase," style helmets, but instead, we got these minimalist blue breath right strips across the bridge of the nose that linked to small wrist canisters as supplied by Nevi and Sylas.

The trip out onto the surface reminded me a lot of the great Russell T Davies episode "Midnight." And much like Midnight, the confined space of a vehicle traversing harsh conditions offers plenty opportunity to explore the people within. Remember how I said Yaz is a gooseberry? She wastes no time getting right between Ryan and Belle. I honestly can't tell what's going on between Yaz and Ryan at the moment. Last season, there was a bit of a "Will they or won't they?" vibe between them. But series twelve seems less interested in coupling them off. First, we had the Master and Yaz getting weirdly touchy-feely, which surprisingly never comes up again. And now we've got Yaz teasing Ryan in front of Belle like a jealous school girl. We learn that along with sucking their thumbs, Ryan and Belle also share having a dead parent in common, so that's something.

The vehicle picks up a bit of barbed wiring leaving it, as the Doctor put it- completely knackered. Keeping with the Midnight vibe, the surface of the planet is too dangerous due to monsters and killer sunlight. Afraid for her own self-interest, Kane wants to abandon the search mission, but a pleading Vilma begs her to continue looking for Benni. After callously accepting Vilma's necklace as payment, Kane agrees to continue with the rescue mission.  The crew abandon their vehicle and run for the safety of an underground service tunnel, but Dregs attack from every direction causing them to return to the safety of the vehicle. But that safety won't last long.

It's then that they hear Benni calling for Vilma. He asks her to marry him and then asks them to shoot him as well. It's a morbid moment as you realise the only reason the Dregs have kept Benni alive is to taunt the survivors and prolong his suffering. I don't really understand what the point of having them run back into the vehicle actually was. They basically run back out a moment later with the new plan of Kane and Vorm covering with gunfire. I don't understand why it was so important that they leave one location just to return moments later.

As Kane and Vorm blast Dregs, the rest of the crew run to the safety of the service tunnel. In the scuffle, Vorm dies, but Kane catches up just in time to open the tunnel. The entrance to this tunnel had me thinking of the opening of "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers." I kept waiting for Rita Repulsa to pop out and say "Ah! After 10,000 years I'm free! It's time to conquer Earth!" They make it down into the tunnel where there is a short-range teleporter nearby. Vilma asks Kane if she saw what happened to Benni, and Kane coldly tells her not to worry, that she shot Benni as he requested. It's at this time that Belle steals Kane's gun. She reveals that Kane is her mother and that she's here for revenge for abandoning her and her father. Belle teleports back to the spa taking Ryan with her. Seeing as the teleporter only had enough juice for one go, the rest of the crew must go deeper into the tunnel to find their way back.

Back at the spa, Belle reveals a huge bomb she plans to use to blow up the spa. Poor Ryan, he just met this girl and already he's dealing with her baggage with her mum. I kid, but damn girl, take a guy to a movie first. It's lucky for the Doctor that this adventure isn't actually from the '80s. Had it been Ace in this position, she would have seen the bomb and said "Wicked!" while offering up Nitro 9 to add to the destruction. Instead, Ryan pleads with her not to blow up the spa, dooming everyone involved.

Meanwhile, the Doctor and crew discover a plaque written in Russian, cluing them in to the fact that not only is the planet abandoned, but it was also abandoned by humanity. Orphan 55 is in fact, Earth. This revelation hits Graham and Yaz hard, as they never imagined the fate of the world to be so ugly. Their grieving is cut short by the appearance of Dregs, who Vilma bravely sacrifices herself to, to save the others. The Doctor, at this time also appears to be running out of air. It appears that the ability to be the loudest talker isn't always helpful when oxygen preservation is to be considered.

The sole reason for her running out of oxygen serves only to discover the Dregs breathe out oxygen. She discovers this when she finds a Dreg conveniently hibernating within the tunnel. Why this is important is that it gives a bit of insight into the Dregs' motivation. Kane's big plan was to make a spa that slowly terraforms the planet, which would harm the Dregs. It also explains the trees seen on the surface of the planet. That or these trees are also apex predators able to adapt to anything. Using her Time Lord brain magic, the Doctor looks into the mind of the Dregs and affirms what she feared most- they evolved from humans.

Everyone has now made their way back to the spa. The Dregs are closing in and they need to fix the teleporter. We're treated to a series of people once again leaving and returning to the same location for the sake of upping the tension. Kane appears to sacrifice herself and Sylas gets in an argument with Nevi once more over being told he's not a mechanic causing him to run away. But both of them are ok, as they both return unscathed. Yaz and Ryan wheel Belle's bomb to try and take out a few of the baddies. It's kind of a clusterfuck if I am honest. Lots of characters get taken in and out of scenes merely to pad time and add to the tension. It's not egregious but could have been edited better.

Sylas appears just in time with a solution to use the hopper virus to convert fuel for the teleporter. I was happy they brought the virus back, even if they don’t make a whole lot of sense. Were the Dregs weaponising the hopper virus? Were the viruses remnants of human civilisation? Regardless, I’m glad they brought it back. Sadly, this entire end sequence acts as evidence that perhaps there are too many companions in the TARDIS at the moment. Graham's job is to stand over Nevi and Sylus saying things like "That's right lads!" Yaz and Ryan are basically running around doing busywork, while the Doctor and Belle are having a stand-off with a Dreg. The Doctor manages to equalise the air in the room so that it is mutually beneficial to keep her and Belle alive. What the Dreg breathes out, they breathe in, and vice versa. This stalemate allows them the ability to leave. With the teleports up and running, the Doctor and her crew are transported back aboard the TARDIS, but not before Belle steals a kiss from Ryan. Are she and her mother going to be okay? We're left to wonder.

The victory celebration is short-lived as the companions remember the fate of the earth. Now, I need to preface what I'm about to say with the following- I fully believe climate change is a thing. I say this because we need to talk about how Doctor Who handles the subject. I've seen a lot of people (see: morons) complain about when Doctor Who gets "too political." They seem to think anything they don't like is political. The Doctor being a woman is political to them. But as I said with episodes like "Rosa," and "Demons of the Punjab," it's not that Doctor Who shouldn't be political, it's that it's simply not very good at it.

I can appreciate that the message of climate change is a real and pressing matter, but the cautionary edutainment way in which they present the information was so cringe. It felt so unnatural and tacked on. In their desire to address the audience directly, they lose a level of reality that makes the dialogue seem fake. These scenes always feel badly acted to me, but it's the fault of the dialogue. There's no good way to break the fourth wall without also sacrificing the characters' voices. It's like one of those adverts where you have two people talking far too candidly about something like their period flow, or constipation. It's a way to disseminate information about a product or ideology, but don't mistake it for dialogue. Nobody talks like this.

All in all, this was your standard "base in peril," episode. While not as transcendent as "It Takes You Away," I believe Ed Hime has given us another solid episode of Doctor Who. It's hard for me to tell if Hime's ability to write action was wanting, or if it is simply the fault of the director, but it definitely suffers at points due to the janky pacing. Pacing has really been an odd sticking point for series 12, and I hope they work it out. Even still, I was hoping that after the two-parter of "Spyfall," we would get something a little more grounded. Having this odd little contained storyline with little homages to classic Who is actually more than I had hoped for. It also gave us a new character in Belle, whom I expect to see return eventually. And despite the heavy-handed and unnatural way in which they dealt with climate change, I understand that it's a family show. In keeping with classic Who, it aimed to be educational, and for that, I cannot fault it.

A judge refused to recognize pro-trans law in a hate crime case. That’s judicial misconduct.

On July 23, 2018, Kimura Steuball went to a Mobil station on Seven Mile Road in Detroit. Upon arrival, she saw Deonton Rogers inside the station with a woman. When Steuball got in line to make a purchase, Rogers began talking to her using derogatory, transphobic language.

Rogers then began asking about her sex organs – specifically whether he could see “it.” Steuball tried to ignore him, but he persisted in calling her a man. Then he got violent.

Related: Utah just upgraded their ‘worthless’ hate crimes law, while Indiana passed a worthless one

He pulled out a gun and threatened to kill her. The woman with Rogers told him to leave Steuball alone and leave. It was at this time that a child who had been in Rogers’ car entered the station. As Rogers began moving toward the exit, gun in hand, he walked threateningly close to Steuball, who reacted by grabbing at the gun to get it away from him.

A struggle ensued. The gun discharged.

Steuball was hit in the left shoulder. Still, she did manage to grab the gun, after which Rogers’ companion took it – only to give it back to him as she, Rogers, and the child scurried away.

As for Steuball?

Her shoulder was shattered and she spent several days in the hospital.

Rogers was eventually apprehended and charged with being a habitual offender, discharging a firearm in a building causing physical injury and serious impairment, felonious assault, possessing a gun during a felony, felon firearm possession, and fourth degree child abuse.

And also ethnic intimidation.

At a preliminary hearing, Rogers objected to the firearm discharge charges, claiming a lack of intent. Notably, at the same hearing, the court found that “gender,” in the ethnic intimidation statute, included “transgender.”

At the next court level up, Rogers again sought to dismiss the building-firearm charges – as well as the ethnic intimidation charge, arguing not only that the prosecution had failed to demonstrate that he’d committed a malicious physical act accompanied by a specific intent to harass Steuball because of her gender but also that the Ethnic Intimidation Act – the state’s hate crime law – did not apply to trans people at all.

The judge there blamed the victim for initiating the physical contact that led to the firearm discharge and agreed with Rogers that trans people were strangers to Michigan’s ethnic intimidation statute.

The prosecution appealed this decision up to a panel of the Court of Appeals, which split 2-1 with the majority opinion being authored by Mike Gadola, a product of Republican former Gov. Rick Snyder’s administration (though, sickeningly, he was unopposed when he ran for a full term in 2016) and a member of the advisory board of the Michigan chapter of the Federalist Society.

21st century Republicans are well-professed law-and-order conservatives – but they have a tendency to stop caring about law and order whenever the order of the law stands poised either to hold Donald Trump and his henchmen accountable or to merely respect LGBTQ existence.

Gadola accurately pointed out that the Ethnic Intimidation Act, enacted in 1988, had no internal definition of “gender,” a fact which gave him permission to consult dictionaries.

You know what comes next.

I know what comes next.

Everyone knows what comes next.

“Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary, published in 1990, gives a one-word definition of the word gender, as follows: ‘SEX,’” Gadola wrote, noting that the same dictionary defined “sex” as being “either of two divisions of organisms distinguished respectively as male or female.” He then concluded that “the term ‘gender’ was synonymous with sex, being the biological roles of male and female.”

But no radical conservative judge engaging in judicial legislation ever stops with the rote, binary definitions of “sex” and “gender.”

Gadola didn’t disappoint. He cited to a 1993 opinion rejecting a “sexual orientation” claim under the state’s anti-discrimination law. “Plaintiff has failed to meet the requirement that the harassment be gender-based,” that appellate panel had opined.

Anyone who has ever dealt with transgender law in any way knows the words “sexual orientation” would never be interpreted to include transgender people.

But not only did that 1993 opinion make no reference to anti-trans discrimination but the same opinion actually did rule partially in favor of the plaintiff regarding “alleged specific homosexual advances directed to him by his supervisor. These actions were directly related to plaintiff’s status as a male, and thus render the act applicable.”

Gadola didn’t mention that part.

Instead, he said the 1993 opinion “suggests that gender, at least through the early 1990s, held the same meaning as sex, which has long been understood to denote biological sex (i.e., male or female)” and he went on to declare “There is simply no indication that the term gender would have been understood to encompass one who is a transgender person when this statute was enacted in 1988.”

Would have been understood by who?

Now, it was fair of him to point out that the term “transgender” was not in common use at that point. But he set out a definition of “transsexual” which he asserted “would then have been understood to mean someone who had physically transitioned from one sex to the other.”

There isn’t a source – from 1988 or three decades either side of it – which holds that the term “transsexual,” vintage word that it may be, can only apply to someone who has fully transitioned.

But if you think his leaning upon dictionaries is problematic, it only got worse when he delved into what he asserted is legislative history.

The bill that became the 1988 law at one point had included the category “sexual orientation.” But that was supplanted in favor of “gender.”

Therefore, according to Gadola, “To conclude that the term ‘gender,’ adopted in 1988 in place of the term ‘sexual orientation,’ included the modern-day understanding of what it is to be a transgender person, strains credulity.”

Perhaps at Federalist Society cocktail parties, but not in the outside world.

What will strain credulity is any inevitable claim by Gadola that he is not a partisan political hack whose opinion in People v. Rogers conclusively demonstrates judicial misconduct (either via incompetence, bias or perhaps a mix of the two) warranting his removal from the bench.

For he, too, blames the victim for how she identified herself. Rogers’ actions, according to Gadola, “were not motivated by Steuball’s biological gender, but rather resulted from the fact that Steuball identified herself as a transgender person.”

Think about how likely it would be that Gadola would have ruled that Rogers experienced sex discrimination had the matter been an anti-discrimination case in which Steuball “identified herself” to a prospective employer as the biological sex designation chiseled onto her original birth certificate and she sued after that employer said, ‘I don’t care, but you’re transgender and that’s not covered under state civil rights law. I’m not hiring you.’”

You know how he would rule.

I know how he would rule.

Everyone knows how he would rule.

And everyone by now should be able to guess that nowhere in Gadola’s opinion is there any mention of the fact that ten years prior to enacting the Ethnic Intimidation Act the Michigan legislature had enacted a transgender birth certificate statute.

A statute that changed “sex” in Michigan.

Gadola concluded his opinion by asserting, “Our judicial oath simply does not empower us to amend the criminal law.”

That includes amending it by refusing to acknowledge a prior legislative enactment that can only logically be interpreted to impact the word “sex” throughout the state’s body of law (particularly when claiming that “sex” is the applicable definition of “gender”).

Judges can no longer be allowed escape sanction for refusing to acknowledge that the legislative bodies whose laws they claim to faithfully interpret have included recognition of the reality of transition among those laws.

Now, to be fair, this would also result in sanctioning the dissenting judge, Deborah Servitto. She too felt no need to reference the 1978 trans birth certificate statute, though she nevertheless came to the proper conclusion.

She laid waste to the notion of using vintage dictionaries as interpretive guides as having legitimacy, pointing out what should be obvious: “[W]hen the Legislature does not designate a particular dictionary that it referenced in crafting a particular statute, it cannot be said that one dictionary is the best, let alone conclusive, determiner of legislative intent.”

And, as to the actual issue that was before the court, she also honed in in what should have been the only thing any court to hear the matter needed to say. “[A]pplying the term ‘gender’ in any sense, whether it is interpreted as equating with ‘sex’ or has a broader meaning, defendant engaged in harassment and intimidation of Steuball based on her gender. It is only when one wanders beyond the specific language in the statute that the opposite result can be reached. Very simply put, would this incident have occurred had the victim not been biologically assigned male? Undoubtedly not.”

Yes, Servitto should have mentioned the legislature’s recognition of the reality of transition, which necessarily includes the process of transition and not merely the completion thereof. But she reached the proper conclusion, so only a minor reprimand is warranted.

No rational observer can conclude that Gadola approached this case with any intent other than to effectuate raw, naked 21st century Republican erasure of trans legal existence while masking it with the party’s patented veneer of faux compassion. A few throwaway assertions that Rogers’ actions were “abhorrent” and “reprehensible” ring as hollow and deceitful as a pronouncement of innocence following a body of water not rejecting an alleged witch.

Michigan’s conservative legislature is unlikely to take any action against Gadola (hell, if it weren’t for his age, I’d assume he was on Trump’s federal judiciary short-list), but perhaps the Judicial Tenure Commission or the State Bar of Michigan will.

They certainly should.

Chapter Nine : SEX, SEXUALITY and GENDER IDENTITY

Ask yourself three simple questions. What are your biological characteristics ? What does or does not turn you on ? What are you ?

If you can get through all three, congratulations. You’ve built great foundations for yourself as a human being.

That is not always the case.

SEX — A NON-BINARY CONCEPT

That seems to be the easiest one. It was. Also, it never was. Organisms (entities that exhibit the properties of life) of male and female varieties, each known as sex. We’re not talking about doing the nasty but the genetic traits that constitutes your sexual reproductive system. Among humans (and other mammals), males typically carry and X and Y chromosome whereas the female typically carry two X chromosomes. Humans may also be intersex. That’s when it becomes complicated — but only if you are not eager to understand. To the first question (“What are your biological characteristics?”), I can say that I have an X chromosome and a Y chromosome. I produce small gametes (AKA sperm) and I have a penis (a nice little fellow). To my knowledge, my friend Julie has two X chromosomes and produces large gametes (AKA egg cells) and I might over reach because we’re not sot intimate that I have seen all of her, but I do think she has a vagina. Intersex people are individuals born with variations in sex characteristics that are not strictly XX-male or XY-female. They do not fit the definitions of male of female bodies. In the past, you would have called them hermaphrodites but believe me, this is so wrong and offensive. Don’t. I won’t get into much details about intersex individuals as I want to give them an entire article to focus on their existence. Just know they’re here and that your binary concept of the human body, though right for you and most of your friends and family, is no longer valid.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION / SEXUAL IDENTITY

It’s gonna get a tiny bit more complicated as they have one identical word in common. Sexual. You know that word, stop focusing on it. Put your eyes on their companions. Orientation is an pattern of romantic and/or sexual attraction to persons of the opposite sex and/or gender, same sex and/or gender, or to both sexes or more than one gender. Those orientations are usually divided into three categories : heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality. Bullshit.

Identity is how a person thinks of him/her/themself in terms of whom one is romantically or sexually attracted to. Or not. The beauty of this new world is that you can pretty much identify with whatever words you feel comfortable with. I used to identify myself as an homosexual man with a 5,5 on the Kinsey Scale. But time and research made me rethink my personal point of view. I still use the terms homosexual, gay (though I have a preference for the umbrella word that is Queer, and the slurs I like to appropriate as my own) but the Kinsey method only include the three orientations I previously cited. I now more and more in phase with being androsexual and it redefined my attraction as a matter of identity.

I’m sure you don’t know what Androphilia is. or Gynephilia for that matter. Neither was I not so long ago. They are terms used to describe sexual orientation as an alternative to a gender binary homosexual / heterosexual / bisexual conceptualization. Androphilia describes sexual attraction to men or masculinity. Gynephilia describes the sexual attraction to women or femininity. Ambiphilia, finally, describes the combination of both Androphilia and gynephilia. I thought I was only attracted to cisgender man but a few years ago, I found myself incredibly aroused at the sight of what happened to be a transgender man. A gorgeous man that I will not named. Though confused at first, I realized that wouldn’t change who I am. I’m still the same person with the same sexuality. I just happen to be attracted to masculinity traits. By applying those terms to the common understand of sexual identity, we avoid bias inherent in normative concepts of human sexuality, confusion and offense with people of multiple identities.

But whatever the term, you get to decide. You can be : Asexual (experiencing little or no sexual attraction to others and lack of interest in sexual relationships or behavior) Bicurious Bisexual Demisexual (little or no capacity to experience sexual attraction until a strong romantic connection is formed with sometimes) Fluid Gay Homosexual Lesbian Pansexual (a person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical and/or spiritual attraction for members of all gender identities) Polyamorous (the practice and desire of consensual non-monogamous relationships) — yeah, that can be part of your sexual identity. Queer Skoliosexual (being primarily sexually, romantically and/or emotionally attracted to genderqueer, transgender and/or non-binary individuals)

You can even be straight and identify as MSM or WSW (Men who have Sex with Men or Women who have Sex with Women).

Honestly, the possibilities seem unlimited at this point. To the question “What does and what does not turn you on?”, be honest with yourself and don’t be afraid to think about it.

GENDER IDENTITY

Now on to the final curve of this ever-so complicated path. Gender Identity is the personal sense of one’s own gender. It is not always on par with the gender you were assigned at birth. To take myself one last time as an example, I am a cisgender man. Cisgender : an individual whose gender identity matches the sex that they were assigned at birth. Got it ? In terms of gender, I don’t have to ask myself too much questions except socially as I slowly but surely try to break codes about masculinity and femininity. But that’s beyond the point for now. So when you are not a cis person, what can you be ? Someone can be transgender.

Transgender : a gender description for someone who has transitioned or si transitioning from living as one gender to another. Two warnings on this. First, “transitioning” doesn’t mean a transgender person has to change his/her/their you-know-me-down-there surgically. Transitioning means changing things as varied but not obligatory as exterior appearance, name, pronouns. What you do with your body is your own business (more on that in a future article). Second, the word transgender was preceded by two other words : transvestite and transexual. A transvestite is a person who dresses as the gender opposite his/her/their own but has nothing to do with sexual or gender identity. A transexual is the grandparent word of transgender but the term has been rejected by many transgender people as “beyond the scope” (with sexual in it, no shit). I would not use that word unless that person identifies as transexual. But I doubt it. But again, gender is a complex thing and it is associated with identity. And though you cannot chose who you love, who you are attracted to and who you are, you get to choose the words that fit you best. Not cis ? Not trans ? Maybe you are non-binary, or genderqueer (a spectrum of gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine and are outside the gender binary and cis normality). Maybe you are genderfluid. Maybe agender (someone who identifies as having no gender or being without a gender) or demigender. Maybe all or none of the above.

So to the third question I had you earlier, “Who are you?”, what will you say ?

There are no wrong answers. Only wrong silences.

As I get to write these articles one by one, I learn a lot about my people. Where they’re coming from, what they want and who they are. And through that, I’m learning a shitload more about myself, and not only as a queer person. This article was, in the end, only about little boxes available to you. Do not conform to them because they are there. I asked you three questions and expected answers. What if they aren’t any final ones for you ? What’s so bad about that? As long as you get the freedom to ask yourself a double “what” and a simple “who”.

Do you think you can make a list of all the ROs and short, non-spoilery descriptions (physical and/or personality) of them for a reference?

Sure! I’ll be posting names, race, age, genders,sexual/romantic orientations and a general description of them. I have to notethat if this seems like a lot of ROs then that’s because this is a very longgame and not all characters are able to be pursued if you ally with certain factions (Some factions are actively violent towards one another.). Tomake up for this, I needed to add more love interests in early development.

Are you going to meet them before the first half of the game? Yes. So there will be time to form a rapport with them if you so choose.

Spotter: Human, 20, agender, pansexual. They are a very shortyoung person with a spark in their bright green eyes. With a latent, andstrong, ability in magic, they love to study and practice and don’t seem tohave the ability to give up. That being said, they become attached easily tothose who show them kindness, even if it only occurred one time. Their gingerhair is always shaggy, their ever-dirty clothing always shabby, and even then,that doesn’t seem to get them down. Some might call them naive. They’d probablybe right.

Severa: Half-elf, 27, female, bisexual, female preference.Severa is a short woman who mostly passes for human. She is dark-skinnedlittered with scars and has a strong harsh accent that only seems to make hermore intimidating. She scorns those who abuse their power, but knows a gooddeal when she gets it, and yet despite her hardened exterior and bawdy attitudeshe seems to hold a great rapport with soldiers of all kinds. She drinksregularly and without restraint and is always getting into scuffles.

Herron: Human, 25, male, bisexual. Herron is your reclusivedoctor who has an odd obsession with raising the dead. He is relatively averagein height for a human, perhaps a bit taller, but his gaunt and dead-lookingskin that might have previously been a vibrant sepia only makes him looksmaller than he actually is. For the most part, Herron is calm, collected, butviciously passionate, sometimes even going so far as to stay awake days at atime just to test a new theory or hypothesis. Above all, however, he is acaring individual who perhaps is a little grumpy sometimes but ultimately wantswhat is best for those he cares about.

Qora: Half-elf, 29, female, Demisexual, Homoromantic. Qora isstandoffish and suspicious, more at home in the forest with all the wildlifethan in a bustling city. She is relatively average for a half-elf, with bronzeskin and equally as bronze hair cut short into a messy mop. She has an eyepatchover the left side of her face and strong arms that have no problem punching orshooting a bow. Above all, she appears to favour her animal companion, whichboth serves as a second pair of eyes in a fight, and a lifelong friend.

Ardwen: High Elf, 58, male, pansexual. Ardwen is a poet bytrade, constantly plucking at his strings or singing a ditty about one of hismany exploits. A flirtatious man by nature, he seems to think that a prettyface is a good substitute for any kind of personality. Regardless, he seems tohave a prejudice against nobles and human clergymen, which he refuses toexplain. He is tall and wiry with overlong ears and a gap in his front teeththat he never quite grew into. Neither of these supposed blemishes seem to stophim from gaining partners of all races.

Keller: Human, 31, female, asexual, panromantic. Hailing fromthe nomadic Atmari people residing deep in the dragon-infested Waylands, Kellergrew up into a vastly different culture than the ones most are accustomed to.She is strong and proud, but ultimately caring for her people and only wantswhat she perceives to be best for them. She has ebony skin and even darkerhair, with unnaturally green eyes that stand out even in the dark. She is devoutlyreligious, but prefers to worship alone, as it has always been her people’s wayto worship in the dead of night with no one around.

Arke: Human, 23, male, homosexual. Arke was a farmer’s sonbefore he was anything else, cultivating a strong body and simple mind. Thatis, before an event that forced him to migrate. His skin is tanned, almostbronze from years in the sun and he has a burn scar running from his neck andover the left side of his chest and arm. Probably his most extraordinaryfeatures are his golden eyes, which is unnatural at the best of times. A heroand good man at heart, Arke is kind and courteous, but is known to have boutsof anger or severe melancholy that sometimes last for days or weeks at a time.

Ettia: Elf, unknown, transgender female, demisexual,panromantic. Ettia is a quiet young priestess who prefers to let her actionsspeak louder than words. Seemingly in constant meditation, she has a veryspiritual connection to the gods that doesn’t seem entirely one-sided. Reallythough, she must be talking to herself. Perhaps a little bit intense, she isconstantly playing with her kinked silver-blond hair and attempting to tease itup into styles that never seem to fit right.

Gwyn: Elf, unknown, male, bisexual. Gwyn is the twin brotherof Ettia, with the same silver-blond hair cut short against his head and ashenskin that makes him look dead. He is, perhaps, a bit more adventurous than hissister, constantly going off for weeks and months at a time and coming backwith tales of beast slaying and lurid affairs. Despite this, he is also ratherinnocent, not thinking about the consequences of his actions or the largerscheme of things. While not an overt hatred towards the gods, Gwyn thinks talkof the gods is boring and old news, preferring instead to talk of worldlyevents or ancient mortal figures, which he finds hilarious.

Lokeira: Infernal, 20?, transgender male, pansexual. Lokei isan awkward young man more accustomed to stalking the shadows than beingnoticed. He can be standoffish and rather blunt, never mincing words thoughwhether that is purposeful or not is up for debate. He doesn’t understand themeaning of ‘stand still’ and can always be found stretching in odd places andsitting in weird positions that he claims are comfortable. He has troublemoving after extended amounts of exercise but he hates being seen to by doctorsor healers and so, for the most part, he tends to himself. He is rather shortwith long black hair, like all Infernals his ears are long and emotional, hiseyes nothing but small slits of purple. Curled horns sit atop his head,graduating into his deep indigo skin tone littered with scales and scars.

Korrin: half-elf, 31, gender-fluid, pansexual. Quite famousfor their accurate future telling, they are aptly named ‘The Oracle’ by theirfollowers and blasphemous by their enemies. They are tall and spindly, withbags under their unseeing eyes hidden by long brown hair that falls over theirshoulders in ratty tendrils. They can be equal parts terse and kind butultimately, they are understanding and patient. Surprisingly learned in manycrafts, Korrin is not someone who has let their blindness defeat them and isscathing of anyone who would intimate otherwise.

Emil: Human, 20, male, bisexual. Emil is average of heightand pretty much everything else. He has a heavy smattering of freckles all overhis body and dull red hair cut short into a style that tries its best to befashionable. He has an odd obsession with jewels and other such adornments, butrarely wears them himself. Like a dragon, he seems to hoard and covet anythingshiny that isn’t nailed down He has a scar running from his chin to the cornerof his eye, creating a cleft on his top lip that never quite healed properly.Despite his love of items of worth, he isn’t very wealthy and keeps a modesttent with him as he travels. His greatest want in life is to see the world.

Calyssa: Human, 30, female, bisexual. Calyssa is a strongwarrior who is skilled with the lance and a great shot with the bow. Especiallywhen riding on her pegasus. Being naturally antagonistic towards authority,Calyssa can come across as violent and brash, but at the same time sympatheticto those she deems deserving of it. She dislikes nobles for their disrespect ofthe working man, and is naturally untrusting of those dressed finer than asoldier. Aside from that, however, she is companionable to her brethren andsupportive in combat. She is very tall and muscular, with cropped curly brownhair that is a perpetual mess.

Necrolym: Human, 27, male, bisexual, female preference. Necrolymis a cocky young man who comes across as irritable and overly prideful. Likeall young men, he once suffered from thinking he was the god’s gift to all, butseems to have since abandoned such thought. That, and he no longer believes thegods exist at all. His is a muscled man just under the height of average, withshaggy blond hair and tawny skin littered with blemishes and small scars thatare otherwise unnoticeable. He can be quite distant when sober, but get himdrunk and Necrolym is quite the life of the party.

Noxus: Dwarf, 35, female, pansexual. Noxus or Nox is a dwarfwoman with a violent and sadistic nature. She has no qualms killing and can beunpredictable at the best of times, having quite the reputation for being ‘Adeliah’sright hand.’ She can be manipulative and charming in equal measure, but bothseem to be a front for her more vicious tendencies. Like all dwarves, Nox is shortwith wild ashen hair and a thin layer of stubble that she can never be botheredto shave if at all she wants to.

Bexen: half-orc, 37, male, bisexual. Bexen or Bex is a verytall half-orc man who seems to have a look of perpetual disinterest. Nox is hisadopted sister and the two, oddly enough, get along well. For the most part hehas zero impulse control, his curiosity often getting the best of him insituations where it would be unwise to do something brash. That being said, hecan sometimes come across as shy or otherwise timid. As all half-orcs, Bex isgreen-skinned with long teeth jutting up from his bottom row of teeth. He haslong dreadlocks tied up into a tail down his back and a nick on his righteyebrow.

Druvel: infernal, 349, male, pansexual, demiromantic. Druvelis young for Infernal standards, at least, that’s what he’d tell you. He can beflirtatious but sadistic, or otherwise just mean, revelling in watching otherssquirm for his enjoyment and keeping them at arms-length. He has no qualms aboutwhat is ‘proper,’ generally saying whatever comes to mind and teasing thosethat get flustered easily. As an Infernal, Druvel has a long prehensile tailand sharp claws on his hands. His eyes are slitted and a bright yellow, hisskin a dark pink with scales down his back. His hair is black and put in aloose braid, easily wrapped around his shoulders.

Pride month may be over, but it is also important to retain some sense of it. So here are some book reviews. If you've read these books, you might not like what I have to say. If you haven't, you may find that you don't want to. Or maybe you're so intrigued by what I've said, you'll want to read them anyway. The books I've chosen to read and review are (in order): This Book is Gay by James Dawson (2014), Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan (2003), and Queer, There, and Everywhere: 23 People Who Changed the World by Sarah Prager (2017).

Note: I am an independent person with no affiliations and I am doing this for fun, I am by no means a professional book reviewer.

This Book is Gay by James Dawson

I'm gonna start right off the bat and say that this book is... out-dated. Published in 2014, this book is a crash course on all things gay... but that's it. Despite many a disclaimer within the book itself, I found the writing to focus almost exclusively on homosexuality, with very little focus on bisexuality or being transgender. 'Well' you may say 'the book is GAY.' And right, it is, but the author, James Dawson, touted it as a guide to all things LGBT, which it wasn't. I understand the lack of nonbinary genders being mentioned, as the term did not really become widespread until very recently, but many trans people will find themselves unhappy when their eyes flick to the words 'transsexual' and 'transvestite'. Not to mention, in a later chapter about sex (skipping this chapter is an option, Dawson makes that clear) diagrams that equate genitals to gender. Overall, incredibly cisnormative. I'm not going to lie, Tumblr may have made me overly bias to any sort of queer literature created by a cis, gay man, but a good LGBT book should really spread out the attention between all of the letters.

I also found the writing style to be, for lack of a better word, trite. And I guess another good word would be condescending. Don't believe me? Dawson refers to sex as 'sexyfuntimes' at least 3 times, if not more. I understand that this book was written to appeal to young adolescents who might be questioning their sexuality or gender, but the word sex was already being used. Why change it to sexyfuntimes? Anyone reading the book should KNOW what sexyfuntimes means. Once was funny, but to keep using it to refer to consensual bedroom business made me feel like the author didn't care about his target audience. Speaking somewhat from experience, an adult talking down to me always made me feel like shit. Teenagers aren't stupid. Us adults need to start acting like it. ( that's not to say that teens can't be stupid, but generally when consuming content that is meant for them, it can be alienating.)

Then the author wrote a chapter on religion that I felt was written from a Christian-centric point of view. The author himself said he had limited knowledge about certain religions but went ahead and wrote about them anyway, assuming knowledge. This is a book that contained interviews with other queer people, you couldn't have found queer people of faith to interview? That just seems lazy to me.

Another big BIG problem that I had with the book was the chapter called 'Gay Saints'... or something to that effect. I had to return the book and I'm writing a lot of this from memory, which is quite good but can't always remember everything...

Anyway, I'm sorry, but however they may have felt while functioning as a boy-band, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are NOT gay icons. They're nothing more than two young men that over-zealous straight girls wish would get together. Sure, they may support the queer community which is all well in good but to refer to 'Larry Stylison' as a gay icon just... left a bad taste in my mouth. Also, Dawson referred to Macklemore as handsome which is just... not correct.

Honestly it felt like a lot of these 'icons' were straight people. And of course gay people have been idolizing straight people for basically forever (look up Friends of Dorothy) but one moment of activism does not a gay icon make.

Not to mention that leaving out Billie Joe Armstrong out of a list like that is criminal, considering he's been an open bisexual and supporting LGBT punk bands since Green Day became popular.

… Also a crime to leave out Prince but there are some battles you can't win...

Still, it would be remiss of me to not mention that this book was meant to be read by EVERYONE, not just by LGBT kids. I definitely understand the need for a book like this, but the queer community has become so fast paced and new terminology is updated and accepted on a near- daily basis. And I, personally, would not recommend this book to my friends (unless my friends want to know the book i'm slamming – LOL ). Perhaps a companion book titled “This Book is Trans” or “This Book is Queer”? Or maybe keep the title and come out with a second, more inclusive edition.

I would, however, recommend it to young, questioning kids and their parents – should said parents be aware of their kid's situation. I also recommend it to straight people who have very little interaction with LGBT people but who want to understand us a little better. I know I said the writing was condescending at times, but it is a good resource for people who aren't gay or who aren't sure what they are yet, especially if they don't wanna dig through Google, trying to find non-homophobic sources.

My overall opinion in a nutshell: Mediocre and non-inclusive

Score: 4/10

Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan

I'm not going to lie, if I had read this book in middle school or high school, I probably would have LOVED it. Pretentious teen romance was probably my favorite genre. (Something I don't talk about very much because everyone on Tumblr has a boner for hating the king of pretentious teen romance novels, John Green, and I rather like him.) Now, however, it is... to be honest it's uninteresting drivel.

The story focuses on local gay high schooler, Paul. Paul has ALWAYS known he was gay and everyone in his small, shockingly liberal town (shocking because it's so small) doesn't really care, except for the parents' of his friend, Tony, another gay high schooler. (only Tony's parents are homophobes and they have to lie about stuff just to get him out of the house)

We have other great characters! Such as Kyle, the bisexual who won't call himself bisexual because he doesn't like labels, also Paul's ex. Infinite Darlene, a trans girl who Paul does not call trans, only drag queen. She is homecoming queen and captain of the football team and also the other drag queens in school (???) don't like her because she's too masculine. Cis drag queens hating trans women, what else is new?

We also have Noah, the pretentious artist new kid and Paul's crush. And Joni, who was Paul's best friend but dumped him for her crappy boyfriend.

Right? The sheer amount of characters made my head spin too. And the drama with everyone was... too much. The only redeeming moment was when Tony finally stood up to his parents. Which he did so in, again, an unrealistic way.

And I'm not even going to mention the motorcycle cheerleaders.

So by the end of it, I was pretty disappointed.

Until I read the author's note. 10 years after it's original publication, David Levithan answers some questions about the book and gave a myriad of reasons as to why he wrote the book the way he did. He explained that he knew how unrealistic some parts of the story were, and that that's why they were there. Because as unrealistic as it was, it is something that he wants to one day be a reality. And that while we're far from that reality, it's something we should always, always be working towards.

There's something very brave about that. It's definitely true that there are far, far too many tragic stories featuring LGBTQA+ characters, but this is nothing short of a very happy story published in a time when stories like that simply didn't exist. A jaded queer person (such as myself) might brush off the pie in the sky life that Paul leads, but ultimately there really is nothing wrong with writing happy endings for people like you.

Should you choose to read this book, I recommend the new edition that comes with the author's note. It puts the entire novel in a much better perspective. It also has a short story featuring Infinite Darlene.

My overall opinion in a nutshell: Pretentious but well meaning

Score: 6/10 (points taken away were re-added after reading the author's not

Queer, There, and Everywhere: 23 People Who Changed the World by Sarah Prager

As an avid history nerd who doesn't read nearly as much historic shit as they should, I loved this book. Clear, concise, and with a detailed bibliography in the back, Queer, There, and Everywhere gives us undeniable proof that people like us – queer people – have always existed.

Starting in ancient Rome, through the civil rights movement and up the the present, Prager makes the context easy to understand by using modern language and beginning each chapter with a brief flashback to each figure's time. While many scholars look at things from a cishet lens and use the language to match, Prager does pretty much the opposite, making a disclaimer at the beginning of each chapter any time modern terminology or certain pronouns usage needs to be used for clarity.

This book doesn't just cover cis, gay people over the course of history, it has something for everyone across the spectrum of gender and sexuality – trans and nonbinary people, lesbian pioneers (no, not 1800s pioneers),George Takei, and much, much more.

While queer history can be a touchy subject, Queer, There, and Everywhere: 23 People Who Changed the World makes it so that our history can not, should not, and will not be erased.

My overall opinion in a nutshell: Fantastic and a necessary must for any person who needs a brief course in queer history.

Score: 8/10 (some of the historic figures she picked struck me as far-fetched, plus use of the outdated terms transsexual and transvestite)

After finding success in the boxing ring, forty six-yr-historical Anderson Silva has silenced requires retirement

© File picture anderson-silva-triller-battle-membership-1 HOLLYWOOD, Fla. – The legend of Anderson Silva continues to develop as he keeps adding to his listing of accomplishments within the twilight of his career. After the former UFC middleweight champion departed from the UFC under a year ago, it appeared his combat activities journey become coming to an end. youngsters, the forty six-year-ancient has discovered new existence inside the boxing ring and appears like a brand new fighter. On Saturday, Silva took on former UFC gentle heavyweight champion Tito Ortiz in a boxing in shape scheduled for eight rounds. Silva essential lower than 90 seconds to get the job finished as he put Ortiz out bloodless from his patented counter punching. How does Silva proceed to locate how to impress the loads and lengthening his profession? “the key for me is, when i am going internal the ring, I are attempting to put every little thing else out and luxuriate in the moment,” Silva instructed MMA Junkie after the combat. “I coach difficult, I actually have the approach, I even have my instruct, my sparring companions who support me, and when i'm going internal, I simply are trying to have fun with it.” Silva turned into notion to be accomplished as a fighter a few instances throughout his profession. Some tried to jot down him off when he lost by the use of knockout to Chris Weidman at UFC 162 in 2013. even more individuals idea he would by no means be considered competing again after he brutally snapped his leg of their rematch at UFC 168 a couple of months later, but he came again. however his run within the UFC after his leg injury wasn’t the most beneficial for his win/loss listing, he persisted to display up and placed on staggering fights, giving greater fans the chance to peer him compete. After he suffered a further leg harm at UFC 237 in opposition t Jared Cannonier, the speak of his retirement started to ramp up yet once more, however he got here again. One ultimate outing in the UFC became unsuccessful in opposition t Uriah corridor, as he misplaced by the use of TKO within the fourth round. A 1-7 run and one no contest after losing his middleweight title to Weidman absolutely intended it become time to call it a profession. Silva refused to retire, and yet once again, he got here lower back. For in all probability his final act as a fighter, he laced up the boxing gloves to compete within the sport he wished to try for many years. Eight months after his exit from the UFC, Silva become positive within the boxing ring towards former WBC middleweight champion Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. despite the judges rendering a questionable cut up choice, the battle become not shut, and a lot of walked away wondering what Silva might have accomplished if he made the swap to boxing past in his career. just three months later, Silva would enter the boxing ring once more, this time towards one more former UFC fighter in Ortiz. This time, Silva hardly broke a sweat in victory, leaving lovers questioning what’s subsequent. despite the fact, now, the talk of retirement is not at the forefront of anyone’s mind love it has been so repeatedly in outdated years. Now 2-0 as a boxer in 2021, Silva indicates no signs of slowing down and hastily has a number of marquee fighting alternatives on the desk. Talks of boxing against Oscar De La Hoya, Jake Paul, and Vitor Belfort had been automatically reflected within the aftermath of Saturday’s contest. whereas Silva’s twilight nonetheless looks very brilliant, he's having fun with the second at every turn, understanding he has organized to position himself competent to be a hit at this stage of his profession. “should you love your job, when you love whatever thing you do along with your coronary heart, you win and that i’m chuffed,” Silva spoke of. “I’m so satisfied.” Watch the complete publish-combat interview with Silva within the video above. greater: After beating Evander Holyfield, Vitor Belfort is all in on Jake Paul fight: 'he is obtained to fulfill his daddy' Transgender fighter Alana McLaughlin addresses critics following win in seasoned MMA debut Donald Trump congratulates Vitor Belfort after first-circular TKO of Evander Holyfield: 'you're a very good patriot!' Triller combat membership Legends II consequences: Vitor Belfort makes brief work of Evander Holyfield in first-round TKO Triller combat membership Legends II consequences: Anderson Silva flattens Tito Ortiz in the first circular 먹튀검증

jay can you post your thoughts again without epilogue spoilers i haven't finished orv yet :(

YES i can the epilogue spoilers are pretty broad-strokes here so not too much will be lost so here is Literally The Same Post but with any epilogue mentions cut out. i believe almost anything i mention specifically here occurs prior to chapter 300, for reference.

okay normally in terms of making this kind of post i’d go pull quotes directly from the text and i honestly really want to but i’m supposed to be catching up on homework today and can’t justify taking the time. anyway. i’m just gonna they/them yjh here because i’m never sure what pronouns to use when talking about a character who i think Should Come Out in the Future.

first things first, everything about being a transcender is very gendery. prominent transcenders in ORV are

- kyrgios, an incredibly beautiful man who is self conscious of his small stature

- breaking the sky sword saint namgung minyoung, who is a woman of an unusually large stature, thought by some to be monstrous, who teaches a discipline of martial arts exclusively for women.

- jang hayoung, a trans girl, who is the king of transcenders

- yoo jonghyuk.

when they talk about transcendence in orv there are two very specific things that come up repeatedly: 1. being able to overcome the natural limitations of the body and 2. defying the structure opposed onto them by the star stream system. Specifically an interesting note about that last bit is that there’s this whole thing about how transcendence can only exist because the star stream exist - it exclusively exists in opposition to the rigorous hierarchy of the star stream, which is the dominant social narrative, and has no meaning or power on it’s own.

In a text like orv’s, i don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to see ‘characters who are social outcasts attempt to gain power by forging a sense of self outside of the dominant order and overcoming the limitations of their physical body’ and read it as a metaphor for being transgender. but then, on top of that, there’s all the stuff with the punisher

everything that’s in orv is there for a reason. there is an insanely little amount of wasted space in this novel. despite how much shit that happens it’s an incredibly tight narrative. SO WHY DO WE INTRODUCE THE CONCEPT THAT YOO JONGHYUK IS STRONGEST WHEN TRANSFORMED INTO A WOMAN? obviously it’s just incredibly fun hijinks in and of itself to have yoo jonghyuk’s gender get transed, but literally all of this begs the question of “why write it so that yoo jonghyuk’s primary martial art form is something that’s supposed to only be learned by women.”

the narrative doesn’t ever really address the in-universe reasoning behind why they can actually learn it. kim dokja gives us what boils down to ‘he manage to overcome that’ without no real elaboration. jang hayoung learns breaking the sky swordsmanship as well. whatever gender-based qualification is used to allow people to learn the skill, it’s not a biological gender-essentialist one.

the punisher introduction pays off when YJH uses that appearance to win the martial arts festival, but to me that mechanical, narratively-oriented reason for its inclusion doesn’t justify it’s presence in the story in and of itself.

What really stuck out to me on the read through later was this line, from the demon king selection arc, when yjh takes the punisher’s form to combat the constellations after kim dokja has passed out.

A dazzling aura burst from Yoo Jonghyuk’s body. Soft hair poured down like a waterfall while his large size became a smaller and sleeker body. He took the form that allowed him to practice the ultimate Breaking the Sky Swordsmanship. Yoo Sangah stared at the scene from behind and couldn’t help opening her mouth. “…Yoo Jonghyuk-ssi?”

Yoo Jonghyuk slowly turned back, his long hair cut off by the Black Demon Sword. The ines of the face had changed but it was clearly Yoo Jonghyuk. No, it was even more than before.

basically, after appearing to their companions as a woman, the narrative tells us yoo jonghyuk looks more like yoo jonghyuk than before.

this reading also makes even more sense when you interpret it through the lens of how power hierarchy actually works in orv’s narrative. incarnation, constellation, and transcenders alike all gain their truest power from their stories. the Story of yoo jonghyuk as a woman is one that is, quite literally, empowering.

although we know it’s not actually true, yjh himself and kdj’s understanding and interpretation of yjh, present yjh as a person whose only goal in life is to, by any means including the sacrificing of countless human lives, some of whom he is very personally close to, gain the power to overcome the star stream. but here we have a significant power boost yjh seems to actively avoid taking advantage of. which really suggests there’s some deeper emotional issues at play here.

which brings me to my last point: i think it would just be a very fitting end for the character.

yjh as a character is really defined by a lack of agency, from the way their sponsor keeps them trapped in a loop of endless suffering, to the fact that they are literally a fictional character. i think the most meaningful end for yjh is an end where they have to construct their own sense of self. once the story is over, the character gets to make their own choice about what kind of person to be. 

it’s kim dokja’s status as a ‘reader’ that allows him to have the greatest influence on the story. back before kim dokja seems to come to grips with jang hayoung’s gender identity, what people keep telling him is that there is ‘more than one interpretation of a story’. on a physical level, constellations and high level incarnations are composed of their stories. in orv canon the Self and the Story are for all intents and purposes, synonymous. 

yjh’s story has been told and read by quite literally anyone but themself up to this point. coming out as a trans woman would be a radical reclamation of his own story, both re-reading their past and re-writing their future, and i think it’s a reading the text explicitly goes out of its way to give some support to.

Good GOD this was a lot longer than I expected it to be Here, have this character analysis/defense of Corrin, drawn from plot, DLC, support conversations, the drama CD, and a couple headcanons thrown in for fun. Enjoy?  @chikoriti @bitrockshooter @gyakusai 

As a disclaimer, I think a lot of the reason Corrin resonated with me on a personal level is that I’m a chronically indecisive (to a nigh-harmful extent), transgender child of divorced parents with four siblings of varying ages, two of which are sisters and two of which are brothers (not to say that Corrin is trans [unless that’s your thing {which is is mine}] but I related to the sort of rift between two identities and the game-wide theming of whether identity is forged through birth or action). 

So what I’m saying is that Corrin struck all the right notes to be incredibly relatable for me, personally, but I get that that’s pretty much a unique position that I’m in. So bear in mind that I came into Fates with a positive, open position on Corrin already, and that probably informed how I felt about them throughout the game. Okay? Okay.

[Actual confirmed canon is gonna be standard text, strongly implied story/subtext will be italicized]

EARLY LIFE

So let’s start at the beginning. Corrin was born in Valla to Mikoto and Anankos shortly before Anankos’ insane form ravaged the country. When Valla was destroyed, Mikoto and the infant Corrin fled, eventually making their way to Hoshido where Mikoto became Sumeragi’s queen consort (an important distinction because while she held the title, she held no actual power).

So right off the bat Corrin’s starting off on a rough foot – a displaced refugee from a ruined kingdom who was lied to from day one – only his mother, Sumeragi, and Ryoma knew he wasn’t blood-related and for some reason they elected to keep this a secret (likely because of the heavy Hoshidan focus on bloodlines and station of birth – no better way to reject a prince than to reveal he’s actually just some random kid. Corrin wasn’t a prince in Valla, he was the son of a commoner and the queen’s sister. And besides, Valla is in ruins – there’s nothing left to be a prince of.

As tensions between Nohr and Hoshido escalate, the pivotal event happens, where Garon murders Sumeragi and kidnaps Corrin. Corrin’s memory of anything prior to the attack is erased and Corrin is sealed away, locked in a tower in the Northern Fortress. Corrin was convinced that Garon is his true father and that the Nohrians are his true family. Even now, Corrin is consistently lied to – not just about his heritage, but about why he is imprisoned in the fortress – Garon claims it’s to protect him – that he’s too weak, and to venture outside the “magical barrier” of the fortress would invite certain death. This is a common abuse tactic – to insist that any limitations or manipulations are done for the victim’s own good, and that the abuser has their best interests in mind.

THE NORTHERN FORTRESS

And so Corrin begins life at the Northern Fortress – a life of isolation, suffering, and abuse at the hands of his so-called ‘family’. Supports with Gunter reveal how he is treated there, with particular attention being drawn to being starved and being physically abused (being whipped is the example given). On top of that he spends most of his time there alone, with only occasional visits from siblings.

Corrin’s only constant companions are his ‘retainers’, an entourage which includes two prisoners-of-war-turned-practically-slaves. Flora and Felicia were taken in as children to essentially be used as tokens to ensure the Ice Tribe’s submission to Garon’s rule. Flora clearly shows outright disdain not just for Corrin and the Nohrians, but even for her sister for treating Corrin kindly – Flora views any concessions to any Nohrians as turning traitor, despite the fact that they are in similar positions to Corrin themselves. All three are prisoners, not for their own acts but as bargaining chips in a grander political scheme.

Jakob, on the other hand, is pretty much the opposite of Felicia. He’s rude, unsociable, and often blunt to the point of needless cruelty (often making Felicia cry). According to supports, the only reason he softened his heart at all is because of the kindness Corrin showed him.

So these are Corrin’s companions for the majority of his life. (Doing a bit of number fudging, my guess is that Corrin lives in the Northern Fortress for around fifteen years? He’s kidnapped when Hinoka is seven, meaning he’s probably around five, and during the plot of Fates I’d guess he’s in the 17-20 age range). Other occasional visitors included Xander who trained him in swordplay; and Silas, who was very nearly executed for the crime of simply taking Corrin out of the fortress a single time, only being spared by Corrin’s own opposition to the execution. Silas was forbidden from ever returning and Corrin forgot entirely about him – about the only outsider who genuinely tried to be friends without being there by force.

Because it’s important to remember that Jakob, Flora, and Felicia were all there by force – they had no say in who they served. I’d have to imagine that wears on your social skills a bit, right? Like, your only friends are people who are FORCED to be your friends. How can you really get a sense for how people feel or act in a situation like that? Flora despises Corrin yet puts on a happy face and serves him with the utmost care and attention. Felicia does the same but truly loves him. Same results, vastly different motivations.

Some of the supports are kind of startling if you think about them – often they’re played as jokes, but they’re really telling of the sort of childhood Corrin had. Corrin’s life goals were to see things like “a town plaza”, a “street food stall”, and “bugs”. Imagine spending your entire adolescence in a single building, with only a handful of friends trapped there with you. It’s entirely likely Corrin’s missing a whole subset of normal skills and knowledge. Does he know what the ocean looks like? A forest? All he can see is the desolation of northern Nohr, so he only knows about the beauty in the world through stories and pictures.

ACTION ANALYSIS

And I think that childhood informs a lot of the rationale behind Corrin’s foolishness. It’s not just naïveté; I don’t think that’s a strong enough word. It’s aggressive ignorance. It’s the result of a childhood of abuse, manipulation, and isolation; of just as many lies from loved ones as from enemies. It’s the culmination of years of social deprivation and a fundamental lack of understanding of how humans interact, of the true nature of what humans do.

(I like to headcanon this is why Corrin is so quick to fall in love – anyone showing him genuine kindness and love without prompting is a marriage candidate in his mind, so unused to such affection is he.)

If I’m allowed to touch on some slightly-outside-game-canon stuff, remember that during this time the Concubine Wars were in full swing – Garon’s children were literally murdering each other while vying for power, to the point where the pool of candidates narrowed down to just four. Did Corrin have other siblings that visited him? Did those siblings just stop coming one day, vanishing forever without explanation? Did those siblings die at the hands of Xander or Camilla, both fearsome warriors with unmatched skill? It’s never really answered in canon, but it’s an easy assumption to make.

So you get a Corrin’s who’s just a fucking dumbass. An unapologetic, unreasonably ignorant fool who constantly thinks that every single person in the world has light and goodness in them. And in that sense, I fucking adore Corrin. I love him so much. I love that he’s a character who has endured all the worst the world has to offer – going from refugee to political prisoner, suffering abuse, starvation, all manner of intense cruelty, and yet he still believes in the good in everyone. Everyone has a chance for redemption, everyone has a shred of good in their soul that can be brought out through peaceful dialogue – even unrepentant bastards like Hans and Iago.

And I love that the game throws it back in his face. His belief in good gets him into a heap of trouble time and time and time again, but he refuses to stop believing people are good. And I love that so much. So many (male, especially) FE lords are characters whose arcs are essentially them learning that strength needs to be tempered with compassion – look at characters like Chrom, Ephraim, Hector, and Ike. Their characters usually start off as these rough-and-tumble rowdy boys, and they must slowly learn responsibility and kindness over the course of the game.

Corrin’s character arc is the opposite – he starts off believing in the good in everyone, showing compassion for everything from wounded animals to enemy soldiers to fucking monsters. It’s an attitude only a sheltered Disney prince could possibly have. He’s an avid reader, so he likely spent his childhood reading about grand heroes who solve problems neatly, who always save the day and get the girl. It’s not until he leaves the Northern Fortress that he learns that war is real, painful, violent, and never, ever happy. There are no happy endings to be found in Fates – each victory is a loss for someone else. Whichever route he chooses means a single, straight march of blood and death and violence that culminates in the murder of his siblings and the death of his father, the only father he has ever known.

Literally the first thing that happens when he leaves the fortress is that Garon hands him a sword and tells him to kill two unarmed prisoners. He of course chooses to spare them, leading to the plot of the game, where he is forced to confront the foolishness of his idealism time and time again – The death of his mother, Hans attacking the Hoshidan soldiers, the execution of the Chevois rebels, Iago slaughtering the townspeople in Shirasagi, etc.

One important note is the Zola subplot in Birthright – even after Zola tries to kill him, Corrin still believes Zola’s lies about wanting to assist him. And he’s betrayed, stabbed in the back again. But it doesn’t stop him from believing that people are good! No matter how many times it comes back to bite him. Essentially half the plot is “sheltered dumbass doesn’t understand how war works, majorly fucks things up for everyone else”.

And remember that Corrin’s loyalty to his “father” isn’t unreasonable – even despite the cruelty he endures, he’s forever in pursuit of the praise and love of this man who he believes to be his father. This is fed into by Xander, who insists that “Garon wasn’t always like this.” Again, a common thread for abuse victims is for them to insist that it hasn’t always been that bad. In this case, Garon used to be a good man – the transition from man to monster was so gradual that it’s entirely understandable that Xander went along with it. Where is the line between strict king and tyrant? Nohr is a hard land, and austerity is necessary for survival. At what point did that austerity become cruelty?

So Corrin can scarcely even see the manipulation he endures – he sees Garon’s wickedness but is assured that it’s necessary. That father knows best. Nohr is strong, even if its people suffer, so Garon knows what it takes to rule. And Corrin accepts that – he hears his siblings talk Garon up so much, so Garon’s disdain for him must be a personal failure on his part. And he works desperately to rectify that and make his father proud.

META-GAME STUFF

I get people not relating to Corrin’s decisions, but I think Corrin isn’t meant to be as relatable as people think. I never really understood Corrin to be a self-insert as much as his own character, with thoughts, ideas, and motivations separate from the player. And I can see that being grating for people who are used to controlling an avatar, not a character. Even Robin is more of a mix of the two – think about all the decisions you make in Awakening compared to the single, all-important decision you make in Fates.

As for how incredibly Corrin-centric the game is, I do think that’s a bit of a misstep, but I think I get what they were going for. Take the Nohrian characters – even at their relatively young age, the older siblings are stained with blood: they are perpetrators of murders both on the battlefield and off. I think the obsession with Corrin comes from a view that Corrin is Nohr’s light – the last hope of goodness in a royal family wracked with pain, misery, and treachery. 

Corrin was in the Northern Fortress, free from the concubine wars and being trained as a soldier, so Corrin reached adulthood without getting blood on his hands – likely the only Nohrian royal other than Elise who did. Nohr is a dark land, ruled by dark, hateful people. It’s a land of famine and plagues, of bandits and monsters and murderers. Almost every single Nohrian character has a bloodstained past – except Corrin. Except this naïve little prince with his heart of solid fucking gold.

So I get everyone being obsessed with him – Xander seeing Corrin as a chance for Nohr’s rebirth into a kinder, gentler kingdom, and Camilla seeing Corrin as a precious treasure to be protected at all costs.

As for the Hoshidans, I think the drive comes from the honor-and-duty-bound nature of Hoshidan royalty. It’s heavily modeled on feudal Japan, and I think the loss of Corrin was seen as an immense, irredeemable failure. I love Hinoka with my whole heart, so let’s take a look at her – Corrin’s loss drove her into spiraling depression and then reckless, selfless heroism. She became a soldier at age seven, vowing to never again fail to the extent to which she failed Corrin.

Seven years old! And already such a strict, unbreakable sense of honor and pride. An entire life lived in pursuit of fixing a single mistake. And you see that elsewhere – Ryoma’s ritual suicide and Takumi’s possession being the result of his unending grief and abysmal self-image.

And again to touch on my own life experiences, I don’t think that’s unreasonable – having four siblings creates this sort of mob-mentality protectiveness. Any slight against a sibling is a slight against the whole family. Corrin is not just himself, but a symbol, and the focal point of the conflict between both the two nations and the two royal families (which are two separate but interlinked conflicts).

DRAGON BLOOD

The last thing I’m going to touch on is Corrin’s dragon heritage, because I think that’s an important facet that isn’t explicitly touched on a lot in the game.

Corrin is the first manakete lord in the series (which is fucking AWESOME I love shapeshifters and manaketes most of all), and is also the first time we really get to see a manakete’s early life unfold. Characters like Nowi, Tiki, Xane, Myrrh, etc, are all thousands of years old, despite their appearances. Corrin isn’t – he’s like twenty. He’s young and foolish – exhibiting the same foolish childishness as dragons like Xane, Nowi, and Young Tiki. Despite the burden of war on his shoulders, he likes to read books and play games and learn new things. Half of his my room dialogues are him inviting people into his treehouse to play games with him, after all!

But he’s also not human – there’s a disconnect between him and others, even if he doesn’t fully understand it. Everything, even his character design (pointed ears, reptile eyes, fangs, bare feet) puts him apart from “normal” humans, and with no explanation given to him, he’s likely left to assume that’s his own fault. That he’s a freak and a monster. Does he notice that when he’s in the Northern Fortress? Does he think that he was locked away because of his monstrous nature?

If we take Corrin to be a half-breed in the same sense of characters like Nah, then it’s likely he suffers the same problems that all manaketes do. The softly advancing madness, the uncontrollable destructive urges that he needs to balance with his own internal desire to be compassionate and kind. A desire to do good despite the ever-present sensation that he is not normal, nor is he even human.

Honestly I just think making him a dragon was an interesting narrative choice, but the details were all lost in the grand scope of the rest of the plot.

CONCLUSION

Okay this is finally wrapping up and I hope any of that made a goddamn lick of sense. I adore Corrin not just for what he is (his fantastic character design, his viability as a unit regardless of chosen class, etc) but for what he looks like in the grand scheme of the series. He’s a pretty unique lord, all things considered (not just because he’s a manakete) – he has a character arc that runs counter to many of the popular lords and in fact has more in common with characters like Eirika and Lyn, and I think we need that. This series in particular needs that.

At the risk of using a term like “softboy”, I adore that we have a both soft and monstrous protagonist – a half-breed, vicious monster who is defined chiefly by traditionally “feminine” traits (at least in the series history) – staunch pacifism, compassion to all, a belief that diplomacy comes before action.

I love that we have a character who overcomes a childhood of abuse and manipulation to be a fundamentally good person. We can see that Nohr twisted the royal siblings into monsters (again, barring Elise, who is Small) – Leo, Camilla, and Xander all say and do despicable things if you choose Birthright. And if you choose Conquest, they sit by and watch atrocities happen without intervening.

Corrin doesn’t stand for that. For him, everyone deserves happiness. Everyone deserves a second chance, and a third chance, and a fourth chance, and he would willingly let himself die rather than stop letting people try to be something better. And I just love this fucking idiot dragon so fucking much sajhfdkjasdf

Sorry this was so fucking long I have a lot of thoughts about Fates and when people trash Corrin I just *knife emoji*

Anyway I was listening to Mechanical Minds by Nordic Giants as I wrote this so I’m gonna drop in a relevant section of lyrics as my parting words:

More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.

In Honor of Pride Month

In honor of pride month, I’ve decided to share my story. This is the first time I’ve done such a thing, and done anything more than silently root people on during this time. It’s been a big year of change for me and several of my friends, so I think this pride month is possibly the most important one to me.

This is deeply personal and I debated on posting this at all, but I want it out there somewhere and I don’t think anyone is really going to read this crazy long post so...here goes nothing.

Long story short, I identify as a non-binary asexual. More specifically, I feel I fit into the terms of demigril, mascandrogyne, genderflux agender asexual. Which is a lot of terms, some seemingly conflicting, but all fitting.

As most do, I felt I was differing from “the norm” fairly early on. I was considered a tomboy as a kid as I tended to gravitate towards things that were largely considered to be “for boys.” My parents let me do and be what I wanted without shaming me for how I chose to dress or what I chose to do. They did dress me in more traditional feminine clothing when I was young, but once I was old enough to make my own choices, they let me do as I pleased. They never once forced me, after that point, to wear something because it was appropriate, or do or stop doing something for the same reason.

I know I am very fortunate.

I once expressed to my mom that I wished I had been born a boy. I knew then, and still know now, that the reason I felt that way was not because I felt I was a boy, knew I was supposed to be, but because I saw the privilege bestowed upon males. They were allowed to play outside and get dirty without comments. They were allowed to play video games and like animals other than dogs, cats, and horses. They were dressed in blues and wore pants. It seemed to me, in my eight-ish year-old mind they were given more freedom. Girls like me were frowned upon in society, at least at the time. I wanted to do whatever I liked and wear whatever felt nice, and society as a whole did not want me to do that.

My parents told me, in nicer terms, fuck them and do what you like. You’re not hurting anyone, so why should they care?

Then puberty hit, and the differences in everything became so much clearer. Or at least, the fact that I was different became clearer. We were told that we all would start having urges and thoughts and feelings, and it’s all natural. And people around me did, I suppose. I can only go by what happened in media and what little I saw of people at my school through my own lens. They told you that these things were natural, and everyone did them, so what are you to think when it doesn’t happen for you?

The problem is, especially where I grew up, you were told there were two genders, male and female, and that the only thing you should be is heterosexual, or straight. If the mentioned homosexuality at all, it was in the context of things that were wrong and bad. There is only dialogue about this, as I see it now, very narrow window of how things should be. Two genders, one orientation, no variation of those.

So when you don’t fit into that slot, it can be very disorienting. I spent my high school years wondering what was wrong with me. I got into a semi-romantic relationship because “that’s what people do.” I say semi-romantic because I think he felt it more than I did, and while I did really enjoy being with him and around him, the most we ever did was hug. I really cared about him, but looking back, it was very true that it was never going to go any further than close friends. I realize now that what I liked in that relationship was not being a girlfriend or having a boyfriend for the romance and god forbid the sex, not that we ever did it, but having someone who was dedicated to me, that made time for me, that would come over at a moment’s notice if he wasn’t busy, and that wouldn’t put others over me.

I want a friend and companion. That’s about it.

It wasn’t until college, I think it was sometime in Senior year (weirdobagel corrected me because I was wrong) that my roommate and best friend found the term asexual. And it was...life changing for the both of us. I believe I can say that much for her. Suddenly, there was a word describing what I had felt. Suddenly, there was validation and the promise that I was not broken or lying or just missing it. Suddenly, I had something to cling onto. I am this. There is nothing wrong with me. Identifying that was such a relief, and finding that there were more people in the world besides just the two of us that felt the same way. I just cannot describe the elation. 

What are the chances of not only finding someone else just like you completely by chance, but also rooming with them and having them find that?

I thought that was where my revelations would end. But years later, there was more to come.

In 2017, two of my friends began transitioning from female to male, one early in the year, one near the end. I only found out about the first by chance because they mentioned HRT, and knowing their previous history with gender identity, there was only one thing that could stand for. He did not tell me directly, and to be fair, hasn’t actually told me anything about it, but he has plenty of support where he is and doesn’t need me. 

It’s okay. This same person who came out as bi to me six years earlier is also the same who told me, in that same conversation, that I couldn’t be ace because I haven’t had sex yet after I confided in them about being ace. I had never questioned them in any way before then, and didn’t even laugh or flinch when they said they were bi, and yet, they told me I couldn’t be ace because I hadn’t had sex, so how would I know?

But the other has been one that was scared to come out to me (which saddens me but I understand...I was in the same place. More on that later), but is one I have been supporting from a distance since they have. They came out to me one October afternoon in a long message over Facebook Messenger while I was at work trying to solve a huge problem. At the time, all I could do is send a short message back saying that while it was a bit of a shock, I was behind them 100%.

While I was working on the problem and getting through the day, I got to thinking. Feeling that you are one or the other was...I realized, kind of strange to me. I had always said I was a girl, and I think in part because I had always been called one. I had not questioned it because my logical brain said that I must be. That is what everyone calls me. I have boobs and lack a penis. So isn’t that what I am? But then, why do people who loose their boobs or penis or what have you know they are still female or male? And why do transgender people feel they are the opposite gender? I realized that it sort of baffled me...because I don’t really feel like either.

I say I’m genderflux because I do feel like a female stronger sometimes than others, but I mean, if you put it on a scale from 0 to 10, with 0 being feeling like nothing at all and 10 being totally, unquestionably, no doubt female (in my case), I peak at a 3 at most and hover more around 0 to 1.

And this was a revelation brought about because my friend was transitioning, and it got me to thinking about things in my own head. Crazy how those things work, huh? And I started looking around, reading on the internet about various things, and I came across these terms.

Demigirl: Not nessecarily identifying as female, but not having a problem being called those pronouns.

Mascandrogyne: Feeling mostly androgynous, but presenting in a more masculine manner.

Agender: Not really feeling attached to either.

Nonbinary: Not falling in the binary spectrum of male or female.

And suddenly, it made sense. It makes sense to me now. I will say that it’s not because my parents didn’t push me to this. I did what I did, dressed how I dressed, because it’s what felt good. I have never done anything because it was “male” or not because it was “female.” I do buy things from the male clothing sections because they are more comfortable, and I gravitate there because history has taught me I am more likely to find something I like there but if female stuff had the form and function male clothing did too, I would buy from there. I don’t tend to like the look of female clothing, cuts and patterns, on me, but can appreciate them on someone else. I like shorter, male-type haircuts because they feel nice and suit me.

My last haircut was not great. It didn’t...quite do it. It actually almost looks a little too masculine for me. Shock!

When I was younger, it used to bother me when I was misgendered, but it also bothered me when I was forced into a thing that felt wrong. 

When I was twelve, we went on a cruise and because I was female, I was forced to wear a skirt to dinner because that is what was mandated for females. I hate dresses. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just wear nice pants.

When I was in middle school, before I cut my hair, I had someone at the church I was attending at the time convince me, after much convincing, to let her do my hair and make up. I had done make up things before in Girl Scouts and with my mom, and I already knew I hated it. I hated the feel, and I hated the time and effort it took. But I let this person do it anyway because...maybe I’ll change my mind? Because it’s what people do? I don’t know for sure why I did, but I did. I hated the result. My mom said I did look very pretty, but I didn’t look like me, and looked even less happy.

In middle school and high school, I had a friend who used to tease me that I didn’t know what gender I was, whether I was a boy or a girl. That really bothered me, though I didn’t know why exactly. I thought I did, thinking it was just because he was calling me something I’m not.

I used to be extremely bothered when people called me the wrong gender. Like much more than maybe it should’ve bothered me. I had a manager of mine at GameStop as why he let his twelve year-old son work there. I was seventeen at the time. They proceeded to make fun of me after he corrected them. He also then told them I was a valued employee and if they made fun of me again, he’d kick them out. I let an older lady with a few items go in front of me at WalMart because I was buying groceries for the month. She told the cashier that “this nice young man” let her go in front of her. The cashier and I shared a knowing look.

My mom actually said to me, not meaning to sound callous, that I bring it upon myself by dressing and cutting my hair the way I did.

I now realize that it was because I was nonbinary, but I didn’t know it. I didn’t understand what that meant. I wouldn’t hear the term until nearly ten years later. And I wouldn’t identify as that until almost 15. That sort of thing is not discussed or accepted around where I grew up.

With these new terms, I came to understand why I didn’t like swimsuits made for females. I came to understand why it was that I did whatever felt right and good without worrying about how it was “gendered.”

And now, call me whatever you like. I have, in the past two months, been called a male in at least three different occassions, and since finding the nonbinary term, it didn’t bother me. I don’t really mind being call either even if I still go with the female ones.

I saw a post somewhere that said “Nonbinary does not mean vaguely masculine.” But for me, it does honestly. I wear male clothing, I get a male haircut, and more than anything, I want top surgery to remove my boobs. I have been wearing a binder almost every day since early November, and it feels so right to look and be like this. I literally cried tears of joy when I found a binding swim top, and again when I used it for the first time last Thursday night. I enjoy swimming again. I have wanted to rid myself of boobs ever since I grew them, I just didn’t really see that it was an option until late last year. I knew trans people could do it, but I didn’t know I didn’t need to be trans FtM to get it.

I don’t want to be on testosterone. I don’t want facial hair unless it’s fake for a cosplay. I don’t want to get a penis. I just don’t want boobs.

I’ve been saving real hard for the surgery. I reached out to a surgeon late last year in my area for a cost estimate. It’s pricey, though I’m hoping for the lower price area and saving for the higher one, but I want it. I was worried it was just a fad of mine, but I think the fact that the cost did not scare me off and the fact that even considering it might not happen gives me anxiety proves its not. I had some unexpected expenses come up and take a big chunk out of my savings for it, and have already come up with a plan B if I fall short. That is how important that is to me. Most people won’t see the difference, but I will.

There may be more for me to discover about myself, but for now, this is all. I never thought Pride month would matter to me so much, but this one is something special to me so I had to share. Because of my friend, transgender issues matter to me more than they did. Before it was “yeah, be a good person and don’t be an asshole.” But now it’s much more personal. And because of them, I found out more about me, and found a path to making myself that much more comfortable.

So to all those who fall outside the “normal” spectrum, you are awesome! Everyone one of you! You matter so much and you just keep rocking whatever it is you do! 

To those who are still hiding away, or are unsure, you’ll come into your own. You’ll find your way. Hang in there. Your day is coming. Coming out, in any sense, is hard. I had a hard time bringing myself to express to my mom (whom I still live with) that I wanted top surgery. She took it pretty well. Still processing but wants me to be happy. And I had a hard time bringing myself to tell my ace bestie, which is crazy because she of all people would welcome me with open arms regardless of what I identify as. I nearly cried from relief when I told her. I shouldn’t have expected anything else, but my anxiety-riddled brain asked “But what if she DOES reject you? What then?” So I know, it’s hard. But one day, you won’t have to hide.

And to all those who support us but do not identify as something else, thank you for being there for us! You matter too.

For everyone else, to those against us, to those who say we are wrong or that we don’t exist, fuck you! We are going to be who we are. You can’t change that.