#I matched him back and the fucking app crapped out and deleted him
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They're So Back ⚔️☠️🌷
Michael Cusack's YOLO is BACK. S3 is called YOLO Rainbow Trinity and it will be coming….at some point. idk! We're just all really excited to be making it!!!!
I'm art directing again B^) Can't wait to show you all it's going bonkers so far.
#yolo rainbow trinity#yolo silver destiny#yolo crystal fantasy#this thing is a nightmare to tag lmao#adult swim#I guy matched me on hinge wearing the shirt I put Lucas in#I matched him back and the fucking app crapped out and deleted him#He'll never know the mark he left.........
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Something not toxic... no politics, no Covid.
A long time ago I set up a profile on Tinder. Not on any “LGBT” subset, but right out there in mainstream, straight Cisland.
It was an experiment at the time. I slapped up six pictures, and in the profile I very explicitly identified myself as pre-op transgender.
I honestly expected to be ignored or, worse, subject to abuse.
However, I got a LOT of “hits”.
But...
The first thing I learned ? ….
Most guys don't read the profile.
I mean seriously.
Me? LOL I see a picture and immediately read the profile.
But most guys?
Most guys just see a halfway pretty face and swipe yes.
Which, of course, leads to occasional unnecessary awkwardness later.
Understandable... the average straight cis guy on Tinder has no reason to expect a trans woman to be there. No reason not to I suppose...but...we are still a minority, and a small one. So, truly, they can't be blamed for not expecting us.
Of course, there are also quite a few that do read profiles... and that gets interesting.
But I digress... lol
Though I have not actively participated in the site for some time ( I am off the market), the account technically remains active. On occasions of occasional, berserk boredom in the midst of this isolation pandemic ( sorry...one Covid reference), I still open the app and peruse the faces of guys who have expressed an interest. And I browse through them as a diversion. And.... and this got me tonight... consequently why I am writing this.... as I browse the pics of various men, I find myself thinking about each in a series of mental steps and cursory evaluations.
A few wash out immediately based either on character/personality cues which I know will be a deal breaker ( very religious, wrong political orientation (sorry...politics slipped in, too...ugh) physically repugnant...and I mean seriously - I am very forgiving of physicality etc)
Then the next step is trying to imagine what it would feel like to have this person kiss me. This one is tough. I fully recognize the importance of personality.
But...at some point, the same question enters my mind.
How will this person react to my being trans?
Hostility?
Curiosity
Creepy fetishism?
Or maybe...
without judgement but with an open mind?
And, though the entire exercise of browsing these varied male profiles is meaningless, the last question always is the deal breaker in the game I play with these different guys I've never met.
Tonight that started me thinking. About how I view interactions with others. And how I view myself. How I really see and value myself.
The final reveal is that, to me, how these men reflect back how they see me (or rather, how I imagine they will), becomes the true bar for whether I swipe left or right. (I don't actually swipe... I just delete them all. But thats not the point.)
The point is... (and I do not know if I am alone in this... maybe I'm the only one?) … the point is I realized that my first criteria for a potential guy was whether they would be ok with me being trans?
And that bothered me.
I don't think that is necessarily bad. I mean...it is a safe stance.
Prudent. Wise. Safe.
But, shit.... why do we have to ask that question?
Why am I not asking, oh, I don't know.... Is he fun? Is he interesting? Will I enjoy listening to him? Will our lifestyles match? ( lol no! My life is way too weird for most everyone)....
Will I like him?
Or...
Looking at his face is he the guy that will make me happy to see him?
Instead, why am I am asking if will he accept me?
Why would that even go through my head?
Do cis women ask that of themselves? I don't know.
But, to me, it seems bogus... a remnant of self hatred...as though there is something “broken” or “damaged” or “shameful”...about being ….me.
It was as though the first cut was about whether or not I was good enough for him.
And that made me sad.
Because....
Crap... I have no complaints. I have been undeniably lucky. I have things really good. I am comfortable and can move through the world with out trouble. I have many friends and I have a man who loves me. I've been very lucky.
And yet...my first thought was of being not enough. Even in meaningless game.
And then I wondered how many of us feel that way. And that made me really sad.
And it made me mad... really mad... that for so long we have been conditioned by an unaccepting, misunderstanding, bigoted society to feel that way... to feel “not enough”....to be grateful when we are simply accepted instead of indignantly angry when we are not. Not mad at any individual.... they are conditioned just as we are.... but at the system that did the conditioning.
Fuck.
None of us should ever feel ashamed of being who we are. We should be proud.
We are not wrong. The world has been wrong.
We are enough. You are enough.
Not just enough... you are fucking awesome and brilliantly beautiful.
Just as we had to fight for our right to be out publicly and not imprisoned in some hidden closet or dark bar... we now have to fight for the pride in ourselves to know that we are not just enough... we are amazing and awesome and courageous and strong and unique and brilliant ....and beautiful.
All of us.
Next time? I'm not asking myself if I am good enough. Next time I am asking is he good enough for me.
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Shirts
ＲＥＱＵＥＳＴＥＤ ＢＹ:
--
ＰＡＩＲＩＮＧ/Ｓ:
Gavin Reed x [Name]
Ａ/Ｎ:
Shit.
I... I didn't actually realized that I wrote an angst chapter on the last one when I promised a certain bean to calm my angst boner...
HERE'S MY PEACE OFFERING BEANS
─────────────────
The [Hair color] haired let out a loud sigh as he he pinched the bridge of his nose. His [Eye color] eyes narrowing as he finally looked at the brunet in front of him who had a large grin. "Really Gavin?" The male had said as he saw the said male nodded his head. Another sigh left his lips again as he shakes his head, just awfully disappointed and done for the day. "Really Gavin? What are we, five???" He asked as the brunet rolled his grey eyes. "Oh come on, [Name]!" Gavin said as he gave the male a grin, in return, [Name] frowned at him. "Live a little! What harm could it fucking do?" This was stupid. Absolutely, fucking stupid.
"Gavin... You're my dearest and closest friend, you know that right?" [Name] had started as the other raised a brow but nodded. The [Hair color] haired male then continued, massaging his temple as he closed his eyes for a minute or so then opening them again. His face in a deadpanned expression. "And you fully know I whole heartedly support you and your dumbass antics but this?" [Name] gestured at the said male. "I have limits Gavin... This is fucking stupid." He bluntly stated as the brunet rolled his eyes again. "Bu--" Gavin started but was cut off by his friend's blunt answer. "No."
Despite already being turned down, the brunet persisted. "Come the fucking on [Name]! Please? For me? Your best friend?" Gavin had said as he looked at the other male and even took his hand and intertwined their fingers. "Gavin, n--" [Name] was cut off by the brunet who looked at him, silently begging. "Please?" Gavin said. The brunet male slowly grinned when he saw the [Hair color] haired let out a sigh then nodded his head, defeatedly. "Fine," the [Hair color] finally gaved in. "Fucking finally!" The brunet had shouted as he jumped let go of [Name] hands. "I'll go get the shirts!" Gavin shouted as he ran who knows where. [Name] only shake his head. How was this asshole is best friend anyways? Wait... Shirts?
"Fuck." The [Hair color] haired cursed out as he just realized what he signed up with. The male sat on a chair as a black haired female strolled in the break room to see [Name] looking blankly at a wall. Tina whistled as she walked towards the [Hair color] haired male and poked his cheek. "What's with you?" She asked as she saw [Name]'s [Eye color] eyes were devoid with emotion other than regret at the moment. "You look dead," she stated as she poked his cheek again until [Name] had grabbed her hand. "Gavin happened," the male replied as the black haired female oohed.
Her surprise didn't last long as she giggled and took her hand off the male's grasp, she then patted him on the back as she smiled at him. "That's what you get when you're with that asshole," Tina said and chuckled when she saw [Name] looked so done and let out a tired sigh. "Why... Why am I in love with that guy again...?" He asked as the female shrugged. "Beats me," the black haired female said as she patted his back one last time and walked away. Not before wishing the [Hair color] haired male a good luck. Leaving the male to alone and wait for the brunet male, silently regretting on agreeing on Gavin's request.
After awhile, the brunet finally came with two shirt in his hand. One black and the other blue as Gavin had thrown the blue shirt to [Name]. "Im back with the fucking shirts! Now, fucking change in them dumbass!" Gavin said as the [Hair color] haired looked at the shirt in his hand. "Really Gavin?" He asked as the said male gave him a glare, making him raise his arms in a mock surrender as he sighed. God, help this man.
"Do we really need to wear the shirts?" The [Hair color] haired male had asked as he looked at the new shirt he was wearing. "I mean..." He had to give Gavin points though, the brunet knows how to pick a shirt and it fitted to him quite nicely. The only problem he had was what was imprinted on his shirt as he looked at his friend who was proudly standing in front of him with the black shirt he had brought on him. "I... I feel flattered for you actually getting me something but..." [Name] trailed off as he looked at his shirt again. The words "Bad Cop" imprinted in red bold letters with a some small accents of he fully knows that the blue and red combination is either Superman or Spiderman.
Gavin was one to be interested in superheroes when he was young. Reasons why he was a homicide detective. The brunet wanted to help and contribute justice in the world. Looking back at the brunet, his concluded that the shirt he was wearing was Superman as Gavin's was black and have grey accents, giving away a superhero who only have those colors in their costume. Also, Gavin's shirt also had the words "Good Cop" in white bold letters. "And why am I the bad cop anyways?" The [Hair color] haired asked as Gavin rolled his eyes.
"Because Im the fucking best cop here. And because fucking Batman!" The brunet asnwered, like it was obvious to the male already. [Name] just sighed as he shake his head. Well, atleast he doesn't gave any case to be seen wearing this though. [Name] watched the brunet continue to brag about him being the "best cop" and it was honestly adorable in his eyes. God, why did he fell for this dork? As Gavin continue on and [Name] just listening to him with a small smile on his face. Someone came in the area.
"Hey, you two still her-- woah!" Tina said in surprised. The two had already stopped talking, well, Gavin did as they looked at the bewildered female. Tina's gaze went from the [Hair color] haired to the brunet. Switching more each second until her brain clicked. A huge grin formed on her lips as she laughed. "What the fuck are you grinning about?" Gavin asked as he raised a brow at the female who just ignored what he had said as she crossed her arms over her chest. A shit eating grin still plastered on her face and [Name] finally realize. The fucking shirts!
"Couple shirts? You guys are so fucking dorky it's adorable!" The bkack haired female had said as she giggled at both the male's faces. Gavin wasted no time cursing her out after what she said with red on his cheeks. Fucking hell, she didn't have to make him obvious! [Name] on the other hand hid his face on his hand, Jesus Christ, why him?
"Fuck off Chen! This isn't couple shirts so you can shove whatever crap your thinking off the gutters! Fucking hell!" The brunet cursed out as he embarrassedly glared at her. Tina found Gavin's curse rather hilarious. She couldn't take this guy seriously right now as he was so embarrassed and blushing red. This was golden, if only she had a camera to capture this moment. 'Oh wait... I do!' Quickly pulling out her phone out of her pocket, she immediately swiped it open and tapped the camera app. Capturing one if the best moments she had ever stumbled upon.
Snap
"CHEN DELETE THAT SHIT!!!" Gavin screamed as he was ready to strangle the female if it wasn't for [Name] grabbing the back of his shirt. "Gavin calm the fuck down." He had said as the brunet glared at him but did so. He didn't back off on cursing the two though. "Fucking Chen and fucking [Last name] stopoing me from murdering that fucking bitch." Gavin muttered as [Name] shook his head and looked at the female, his embarrassment slowly decreasing as it was only Tina who saw them in those shirts. God, he'll die if it was Hank. That old man was on his case on having to confess to the brunet for awhile now.
The [Hair color] haired male awkwardly cleared his throat as he raised a brow at the female. "Is there anything you need Tina? And please delete that picture," [Name] had said as Gavin finally stopped crusing him out and looked at the female in curiosity. Why did she need them anyway? "Oh, yeah. Fowler asked you two to interrogate this suspect from your case!" Tina offhandedly said. This caused Gavin to let another stream of curses out of his mout while [Name] paled. In this shirt? Fuck. "He says now, by the way," the female had said as she walked out the break room, giggling at the photo she had took. God these two dorks are absolutely adorable. And the shirts they were wearing were matching.
As Tina continued to walk, she was passed by Gavin and [Name] who had just realize what she had said, that they were need pronto by their boss. "FUCKING HELL! WHY DO THEY NEED US NOW WHEN WERE WEARING THIS CRAP?!?" Gavin yelled as he dragged [Name] who was muttering quiet curses underneath his breathe. The brunet tugging the male's hand to go faster as he cursed everyone who commented on their shirts. "Nice couple shirts Reed! Fucking finally, you two are fucking together! I can't stand watching you two fucking undress each other with your eyes!"
"FUCK OFF ANDERSON!!!"
#dbh x male reader#Gavin Reed#gavin#gavin reed#reed#dbh gavin reed#gavin x male reader#male reader#x male reader#Detroit become human#detroit: become human#Detroit become human x male reader#detroit become human x male reader#fluff#im sorry wtf dont kill me for the angst
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slide into my DMs [ficlet, i/iii]
Rey has an problem.
Ben has a solution.
Twitter brings them together.
OR: in which Ben shoots his shot - in the sweetest, most respectful, no-pressure way possible, because this is Ben Solo we’re talking about.
PART I: SHOOT YOUR SHOT | PART II | PART III
Update from the hell that is writer’s block: I’m still incapable of writing my usual proper one-shots. Instead, here’s yet another mini-fic that no one asked for - this time featuring social media, because I’m hip with the kids.
Also available on AO3.
Rey has been locked in a staring contest with her shower head for about five minutes now.
It’s been two hours since she got home from her shift at Maz’s, and she would like nothing more than to wash off the lingering smell of fried food and spilled beer. But fall has finally arrived and brought with it even-colder-than-usual ice water, and Rey can feel her lungs shaking at the mere thought of the shower that awaits her.
“Fuck everything,” she huffs, backing away from the shower for the fourth time in thirty minutes. Her phone sits on the countertop, lighting up every so often with notifications from friends tweeting about their super fun Friday night at the latest culinary hotspot or sharing bathroom selfies from fancy clubs Rey wouldn’t even be hired to work at, let alone be allowed into. Ignoring all of her classmates’ posturing, she quickly types out a tweet of her own.
endless pit
@reyofsunshine
day 51 of ice cold showers because my landlord is a fucking cheapskate who refuses to fix anything
Bitching about her situation on social media won’t magically heat up her water, but it’s better than glaring at the cracked tiles of her bathroom wall. Even scrolling past everyone else’s over-the-top pictures seems preferable to a shower at this point, and Rey finally gives up – for now – as she trudges back into her bedroom and perches on the edge of her bed while she scoffs and laughs and shakes her head at her friends’ antics.
Finn, Rose, and Poe are at that weird new edible flower café, and based on their pictures she can tell Rose is about as baffled by the menu as she had been.
Jess and Kaydel finally managed to get a table at Coruscant, but they don’t seem that impressed by the itty-bitty portion sizes and the comparatively monstrous price tags.
Hux is in his usual Friday night hangout spot, spamming everyone’s feeds with bathroom selfies featuring the tacky gold wallpaper that’s unique to Finalizer, the most overpriced club in town. And judging by the way his cheeks match his hair, her least favorite classmate is already drunk as a skunk.
“Fun,” Rey mutters to herself as she navigates away from the app and moves to set her phone aside. It buzzes just before she can put it down, and a quick tap at the screen reveals one unread message from–
Rey tilts her head as she considers the sight of Ben Solo in her notifications. Have they ever even interacted on Twitter? They’ve traded messages on Instagram, mainly just snarky replies to each other’s stories, and they talk all the time in the group chat Poe added them to at the beginning of the semester, but this… this is new.
Ben Solo @accidentalgiant
I’ve got a great shower.
endless pit @reyofsunshine
how nice for you
Rey replies almost immediately, rolling her eyes at Ben and his trust fund apartment in the nice part of town. Forget hot water; the guy probably has actual water pressure and one of those fancy massage shower heads.
He sees her message, and then takes his own sweet time writing and deleting, writing and deleting until–
Ben Solo @accidentalgiant
And a really comfortable bed too.
In case I wasn’t being obvious enough.
“Oh,” Rey says out loud, and somehow that single, dumbfounded word appears on her screen a second later.
Ben��s… her friend, in a way. More Poe’s friend than hers, but they still interact often enough that she counts him among the ten or so actual friends she’s made in her two years at college. He’s nice enough when he’s not giving her a hard time, but then again she’s always being an ass to him in return; it’s not like they even mean anything by it at this point, it’s just their thing.
Which makes this conversation all the more bizarre and unexpected, given the usual tone of their friendship.
Ben Solo @accidentalgiant
And a fully-stocked fridge.
Rey laughs despite her confusion.
endless pit @reyofsunshine
next time lead with that
Next time? Next time?
Ben replies before she can freak out and rush into damage control mode.
Ben Solo @accidentalgiant
Noted.
So…
Wanna come over?
She snorts at her phone and replies with the first thought that comes to mind, guiding them back to familiar ground.
endless pit @reyofsunshine
wow you must be desperate
bit of a dry spell, Solo?
But Ben’s always been stubborn – just as stubborn as her, according to Poe – so it comes as no surprise when he refuses to be herded back to safety.
Ben Solo @accidentalgiant
It doesn’t have to be like that.
I just thought it’d be nice to spend time with you.
endless pit @reyofsunshine
spend time with me?
is that what they’re calling it these days?
Rey smirks as she watches the telltale dots appear and disappear, trying to picture Ben’s reaction on the other end of the conversation. Whether or not he meant it that way, she’d bet a good chunk of this month’s paycheck that he’s already blushing. It gives him away every time, even when he manages to bite back a smile and maintain intense eye contact – which he does with her a lot, now that Rey thinks about it.
Maybe she should’ve seen this coming.
Ben Solo @accidentalgiant
Rey.
I’m serious.
He’s got his serious face on, then – the one he wears in class, the one she occasionally sneaks glances at because the focus in his eyes is… admirable. His attention span in a class full of kids who are half-asleep is admirable, that’s all, and it’s not like she sometimes wonders what it’d feel like to have him look at her with that kind of single-minded focus.
endless pit @reyofsunshine
so you’re asking me to go over for a free meal and a hot shower
and then we’ll just… what, cuddle up in front of the TV?
It’s a cozy little scene right out of the domestic daydreams Rey tells herself she absolutely doesn’t have, but this is college. And Ben, decent though he may be, is still a college boy. Maybe he has a TV in his bedroom. Maybe this is the part where he not-so-jokingly suggests that they Netflix and chill.
Ben Solo @accidentalgiant
If that’s what you want.
Rey blinks at her screen and waits for him to add to that, to pepper their chat with increasingly suggestive alternative options for the evening.
A full minute later, it finally dawns on her.
endless pit @reyofsunshine
wait
oh my god you’re serious
you actually mean that
She’s so caught up in her own thoughts that she fails to realize just how insulting her disbelief might be until Ben opts to ignore her in favor of cutting straight to the chase.
Ben Solo @accidentalgiant
Yes or no, Rey?
He’s probably pacing the length of his apartment now, running one hand through his hair while he scowls at his phone, berating himself for even trying–
It’s an oddly displeasing image, especially when accompanied by the realization that there’s no reason for him to be so agitated – not when she’s surprisingly keen to say yes. But…
endless pit @reyofsunshine
i’m carless this week
and you’re way too far for me to walk
It seems like a poor excuse even to her, but Rey crosses her fingers and bites her lip and hopes Ben takes it as anything but, hopes he can tell how much she actually does want to spend the evening with him and his hot shower and his full fridge.
Ben Solo @accidentalgiant
I could go pick you up.
If you want to come over.
Despite her relief, Rey finds herself staring at his message.
endless pit @reyofsunshine
seriously???
Ben Solo @accidentalgiant
Sure, why not?
endless pit @reyofsunshine
let me get this straight
you’re gonna drive twenty minutes in the dark to pick me up
take me to your place, feed me, and let me use your shower
no funny business
and you’re totally fine with that??
His reply comes not two seconds later, and sweeps away the last of Rey’s hesitation.
Ben Solo @accidentalgiant
Sounds good to me.
This man is not real. This man cannot be real.
But Rey’s been through enough crap in her life to know when something good is in front of her, and this could definitely be good. Great, even.
endless pit @reyofsunshine
okay then
let me know when you’re here
Ben Solo @accidentalgiant
Will do, sweetheart.
See you soon.
Rey stares at that message until her screen goes dark, and then it’s a mad rush to empty out her backpack and repack it with her nicest sleeping clothes.
Ben might not be planning on funny business, but she’s reasonably sure he wouldn’t object to it.
This is at least 60% DMs because I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing anymore - other than clearing out my dusty WIPs I thought I’d never write folder, apparently.
As always, thank you for reading and I hope you gained at least some entertainment from this silly little thing. Please don’t hesitate to like/reblog/leave a comment!
UPDATE: somehow this has spawned a second chapter and a tiny epilogue.
AO3 | Ko-fi | Twitter
#reylo#rey x ben#kylo ren/rey#rey/kylo ren#rey/ben solo#star wars#rey#ben solo#kylo ren#ficlet: slide into#series: ao3 reblog#my fics
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if when he sees me (2/6)
CHAPTER ONE: http://armadil-lo.tumblr.com/post/181213297051/if-when-he-sees-me-16
Chapter Summary: “It’s a dating app, Bakugou, and you just admitted I was right about you being bored and lonely. Are you saying you’re not getting to know him so you can go on a few dates and have a fun little summer fling?”
My Notes: if you're surprised at how quick this update came out, trust me, i am too. again though, no promises on when the next chapter will be, sorry :') this chapter was going to be longer, but i decided to split it instead because there were still like three scenes left and i'd prefer to keep the chapters similar in length i think heh. (oh and, the flowers i was thinking of in the scene towards the end are poinsettias - no idea when and where they typically live, but let's just pretend it's possible ^.^)
Words: 3195
AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17038661/chapters/40373681
Zero Gravity Diner - open from 10AM to 10PM Monday to Friday, and an earlier closing time of 8PM on weekends - is an anomaly in the suburbs just outside the central city. It’s not in the shopping district for people to spend more money on between their retail purchases; it’s not in the middle of the business district for people to get coffee for their bosses or spend their lunch breaks; it’s nowhere near the university for stressed Yuuei students to study at or take a breather between classes. No, the Uraraka’s opened their small, cosy diner nestled between family houses on a street with little to no regular foot traffic.
The business obviously earns enough to keep the family afloat; now mostly run by Uraraka, who dropped out of Yuuei at the end of her first semester to help out when another waitress moved away, and her father, who is the head chef behind their tasty menu. Her mother has a job elsewhere in the city, but usually takes over closing up the restaurant from her daughter once she’s gotten home, eaten, and relaxed for an hour or so.
The majority of their customers hear about the place through word-of-mouth, or Kaminari’s instagram. There are a decent amount of regulars - elderly who come in for a cup of tea, young couples who stop in for breakfast while walking their dogs, and families with small children who come in for meals. If Katsuki had to guess, he’d say that all of their frequent customers probably just live nearby. But regardless, it would most certainly be safe to say that because of its location, Zero Gravity Diner is a relatively quiet business.
Especially on a summer weekday when it’s too hot to even function properly and Katsuki has sweat on his upper lip and in his palms from the short walk there.
Still, Katsuki curses all the gods that might exist for the fact that the diner is empty when he arrives for his shift the next morning, despite expecting just that.
“Good morning, Bakugou, you absolute jerk.”
Empty apart from Uraraka, of course.
“Fuck off, Round Face,” he hisses with a glare. “It’s too early to deal with your bullshit.”
“Oh no you don’t, mister.” She has her hands on her hips again, expression like she’s scolding a misbehaving child. “You put on that damn apron and get back out here so we can talk like I said we were going to.”
He brushes past her with an eye roll and a grumble. In the kitchen, he nods as he walks by Satou, diligently baking away to fill up their cabinet for the next couple days. He tries to take his time in the staffroom and flicks a message to Kirishima once he’s got his uniform on.
Bakugou (9:57): Thank fuck we have air conditioning at work.
Kirishima (9:58): lucky D: i’m dyinggggg ugh
Bakugou (9:58): Shame. Buy a fucking fan or something.
He pockets the phone and walks back out front with a heavy sigh. Uraraka corners him again by the time he’s clocking in.
“What,” he demands, but it comes out flat. He knows what.
“You know what,” she echoes his thoughts. She pauses until he makes eye contact with her and he frowns at the expectant grin on her face now. “Tell me about Kirishima!”
“There’s nothing to tell,” he states, walking over to the coffee machine to set his grind for the day. It usually takes him a couple tries; Kaminari’s is too damn fine. Either that or the dunce face just doesn’t tamp very hard, because either way it usually takes him a few shots every morning to get the coffee extracting the way it’s meant to.
“You can’t avoid this conversation, Bakugou,” she persists, following close behind him. He can feel her eyes watching him as he gets to work setting his grind, and hears her perch herself on the counter somewhere behind him.
A patient silence falls over them as Katsuki moves the grinder ring a couple notches over to start with and runs a trial shot through the machine. He counts the seconds it takes for it to pour into the cup and then uses a teaspoon to give it a taste. The black coffee is disgusting on its own, as it always is, but he pays attention to where on his tongue the bitterness lingers, and goes back to twist the ring another notch towards coarse.
Katsuki knows he can’t avoid talking to Uraraka about Kirishima forever. She’s the one who downloaded the app onto his phone and decided that hair-for-brains would be a good option for him, so she already knows more than he’d like her to. And honestly Katsuki would prefer she get answers from him than from Deku.
This time, the shot starts extracting exactly when it should, and Katsuki hands off the perfect espresso to Uraraka.
“You got in my head,” he mumbles as he gives her the cup.
She merely raises an eyebrow and takes a sip. “How so?”
“Saying that I was fucking bored and shit.” Katsuki crosses his arms and leans back against the counter. “I was going to delete it and then he messaged me so I decided, fuck it. What else was I going to do with my time?”
“So you’re going to pursue a summer romance with him?!” Uraraka asks, giddy.
Katsuki scowls. “What the fuck? No! Where the fuck did you get that idea from?”
Her smile turns confused. “Is that… not what you’re doing?”
She huffs when he only fixes her with a frustrated glare in reply.
“It’s a dating app, Bakugou, and you just admitted I was right about you being bored and lonely. Are you saying you’re not getting to know him so you can go on a few dates and have a fun little summer fling?”
Katsuki tries valiantly to ignore the fact that he can feel his face heating up again, and this time it’s got nothing to do with the weather outside.
“No!” he cries, strangled.
“Why not?” She’s frowning now.
“Why not? Fucking- I’m only talking to him to pass the time! I don’t want to fucking meet him, let alone date him!”
“But what better way to pass the time than with him?” she insists, waggling her eyebrows. Katsuki splutters.
“I don’t fucking know him! Do you know how stupid and dangerous it is to meet people you’ve only talked to online, Angelface? It’s a shitty fucking idea. I’m just talking to him because I have nothing else to do, but I don’t want to meet him and soon enough he’ll move on to wooing the next guy he fucking matches with on this godforsaken app and forget all about me anyway.”
Uraraka squints at him over the rim of her coffee, taking a long sip. Katsuki crosses his arms and holds his chin up. He recognises that expression on her face - he’s seen her wear it many times since they first started talking properly in their second year of high school. She thinks he’s being stubborn and difficult for no reason. And sure, maybe in high school Katsuki was stubborn and difficult for no reason about a lot of things, but he does have reasons now and he stands by them.
“I’m sorry but, to be frank,” she says after a long moment, “that all sounds like bullshit to me.”
Katsuki rolls his eyes and growls, “Did you miss the part where I said we don’t know each other?”
“But that’s exactly what you’re doing, Bakugou,” she states as if it’s the simplest thing in the world. “You’re getting to know each other. Just do that for a while longer if it makes it easier to meet him in person.”
He sighs heavily and drags a hand down his face in frustration. “You don’t get it. I’m not fucking meeting Shitty Hair, end of story.”
A sly grin slowly spreads across Uraraka’s face now. “What was that? Shitty Hair?”
Katsuki is momentarily saved from the conversation by a customer walking into the diner, making the bell above the door ring. It’s the chick with the ponytail, who seems far too fancy to be slumming it in Zero Gravity Diner for her morning coffee, but Katsuki gets to work on her usual order before she even says anything. He blocks out hers and Uraraka’s idle chatter (mostly about Ponytail’s girlfriend, who is a friend of Dunce Face), breathing deeply in an attempt to calm himself down as he makes the coffee. He feels shaky for some reason.
“Good morning, Bakugou-san,” Ponytail greets him as he hands her the coffee. He bites back the rude response on the tip of his tongue and forces a close-mouthed smile onto his face in return.
When Ponytail leaves, Uraraka waves and calls out a goodbye to her before she turns her attention to Katsuki once more. She looks less mischievous now than she had before Yaomomo walked in.
“Bakugou,” she starts, tone almost artificially light and airy, “do you know what your nickname system is?”
“My what?” he deadpans. This already sounds like a bunch of crap.
“Your nickname system,” Uraraka repeats. “Or do you think you just choose the nicknames you give people at random?”
“Of course I fucking do,” he snaps. “They just fucking come to me, I don’t sit and waste my time meticulously planning what names I’m going to call you idiots.”
Uraraka nods. “Well, I can tell you what your system is.”
“I just fucking said I don’t have one!” he yells incredulously, throwing his hands up.
“But you do,” she insists through laughter at his outburst. Katsuki seethes as she takes a moment to collect herself. “Look, you might not think so, but I think I’ve figured it out. If it’s not a general comment about our face, then it’s what you consider to be our most striking feature.”
It… actually sounds plausible, but it strikes Katsuki as wrong almost immediately because-
“Deku.”
She waves that off. “Deku-kun is the exception. You gave that nickname to him when you guys were, like, six. And you were a massive jerk to him back then.” She pauses. “Although, you’re still a jerk now, so…”
“You were saying?” he monotones.
“Right! So you’ve got me, who’s usually Round Face or Angelface. You also used to call me Pink Cheeks sometimes in high school because I wore too much blush, remember? Then there’s Dunce Face or Sparky, because of the bolt in Kaminari-kun’s hair, as well as Soy Sauce Face for his boyfriend and Frog Face for Tsuyu-chan.” She lists off the names, counting on her fingers as she goes. “But then there’s Todoroki, and you call him IcyHot or half-and-half something.” Uraraka looks up and smiles at him now. “That’s because of Todoroki-kun’s heterochromia, right?”
“And his whole fucking candy cane aesthetic,” Katsuki grumbles. And okay, he has to admit she seems to have a point. Apparently he needs to get more creative.
“Exactly! And now you’ve given Kirishima the nickname Shitty Hair,” she continues. “So I think that means you might actually like Kirishima’s hair.” She pokes him in the side as she says it and he swats her hand away.
Katsuki scoffs with a displeased, “Tch.” The conversation has gone on long enough as far as he’s concerned, so he turns away to grab some cleaning supplies out of the cupboard.
“Was that a yes?” Round Face prods, sounding far too pleased with herself.
“It’s bright fucking red,” Katsuki bites out, grabbing the spray and a cloth. “And he’s got so much gel in it that it literally sticks straight up on his fucking head.”
“I didn’t hear you deny it yet, Bakugou,” she sing-songs.
“Fuck off,” he says as he shoulders past her to actually get some work done.
“Hi Uraraka! Hey Kacchan,” Kaminari thinks he can get away with proclaiming as he walks into the diner for his shift later that afternoon.
“Call me that one more time, Sparky, and I’ll wipe that fucking smirk off your face,” Katsuki snarls, untying the apron from around his waist. Dunce Face only laughs.
God, he is more than ready to get out of this place today. Uraraka has been pestering him non-stop with questions, even when he resorted to only giving her grunts and one-worded answers. There’s nowhere to escape from her in a diner void of customers and he’s been itching to get away from her prying eyes all day. He hasn’t even messaged Kirishima once, though he’s felt his phone buzz in his pocket a few times.
He’s out of the door as soon as he can be, not even bothering to say goodbye to the others as he stalks out of the restaurant and far down the street before he takes out his phone.
Kirishima has mostly just messaged him a few updates about the heat and his adventures in finding a gym to work out at. It appears none of the ones he’s been to so far have given off the right ‘vibe’ yet, whatever that fucking means.
Bakugou (4:06): Have you been to Riot Recreation Center?
The reply is instant, as if Kirishima has been waiting all day for Katsuki’s response.
Kirishima (4:07): hey!! how was work? and no i haven’t, is it any good? :o
Bakugou (4:07): Boring and annoying. The RRC is the best place to go in town if you want to work out.
In truth, he hasn’t been to the gym there since before he knuckled down to study for finals towards the end of last semester. But he knows it offers an impressive amount of facilities.
Kirishima (4:08): i’ll look it up now!! :D
Katsuki pockets the phone as Kirishima does so. It’s cooled down quite a bit since this morning, though the sky is still cloudless. He stops in front of the entrance to a park he knows bridges the difference between suburbs and city. It’s the long way home and would add on about another twenty minutes to his walk, but instead of sticking to the roads, he decides to turn into the park today anyway.
There’s a decent crowd in the park making the most of the weather too. Plenty of people with their dogs, children laughing on the swings, picnic blankets littering the grass. Katsuki takes it in, people watching and admiring the flowers blooming along the path that winds through the gardens.
He feels his phone vibrate and pulls it out of his pocket, interested in what Kirishima thinks of the Riot Rec Center.
But it’s not a message from Kirishima.
You have a new match waiting for you! the notification on his screen declares.
Katsuki scowls and unlocks his phone, glaring at the photo that pops up on his screen of some guy with black hair and the fakest smile he thinks he’s ever seen in his life.
The message comes instantaneously.
Shindou (4:12): Hey there beautiful ;)
“Oh, fuck no,” Katsuki mutters, rushing to block the guy immediately. There’s no fucking way he’s falling for that; the guy already seems like an asshole in disguise. He must have been someone else Uraraka swiped on when she set him up on this godforsaken app, because lord knows Katsuki hasn’t used it for anything other than messaging Shitty Hair.
As he deletes the guy, Kirishima finally replies.
Kirishima (4:13): ooo, riot rec center looks really cool! it even has a rock climbing wall, that’s so manly! ^.^
Bakugou (4:14): Firstly, what the hell is your obsession with manliness all about? And secondly, Jesus fucking Christ this app sucks, some smarmy bastard just tried to weasel his way into my messages like a goddamn creep.
Kirishima (4:15): well, that is kind of what the app is for, you know? xD messaging and meeting new people... though i guess there are some creepy people on this too sadly :(
Katsuki doesn’t deem this worthy of a response and waits as Kirishima takes his time replying to his other question. He almost bumps into someone else heading in the opposite direction on the path, muttering a vague insult over his shoulder as he stares down at his phone.
Kirishima (4:19): as for your other question, well. it’s not so much ‘manliness’ that i like, but the virtues i believe manliness stands for. bravery, selflessness, integrity, dependability. a life led without regret. i used to be kind of a coward when i was younger, and i didn’t really like myself that much if i’m honest. but one day i decided that that’s not who i am in my heart. and so i try my best everyday to work towards becoming the man i want to be! i hope that makes sense :’)
It might be the stupidest thing Katsuki has heard in a long time. And yet, something tugs at his lips until they’re pulled upwards into a smile. He chuckles and shakes his head, unable to deny the feeling of fondness that swells in his chest.
Another text makes his phone buzz in his hand.
Kirishima (4:19): speaking of having no regrets! since you seem to hate the app so much, why don’t we exchange numbers? :3
It’s followed by Kirishima’s own phone number, which makes Katsuki scoff. There’s no way he’s giving out his damn number to the guy.
Bakugou (4:20): You’re an idiot, and no, you can’t have my phone number. But your ridiculous speech about the virtues of manliness did somehow make sense, Shitty Hair.
The two continue to talk as Katsuki makes his way through the park. Out of the corner of his eye, something bright catches his attention while he’s chatting with Kirishima. It’s a small flower bush with blooming red petals that almost look like leaves. It’s rather vibrant, and the way they stick out at all angles instantly reminds Katsuki of Kirishima’s hair in his profile picture.
Without even thinking, he takes a photo of the flowers and sends them to the other boy.
Bakugou (4:25): They’re red and spiky like your stupid hair.
Kirishima (4:25): aww, you are just a secret romantic, aren’t you katsuki! taking pictures of flowers that remind you of me :’D i’m flattered!
Katsuki rolls his eyes and calls him an idiot again, then changes the subject. He just thought the flowers looked nice.
He stops by the grocery store and buys himself some actual food on the way home, messaging Shitty Hair periodically as he does so. The same strange part of him that made him take the long way home through the park today feels motivated enough to cook dinner for himself tonight as well. Katsuki hasn’t felt like doing either of those things in weeks, but he’s not going to question it now.
Kirishima (4:39): okay but, you weren’t there, he was like a REALLY BIG octopus, i swear! >.<
Just like he’s not going to question the fact that a stranger he’s only been texting for four days can make him smile with the most ridiculous things.
#kiribaku#bakushima#bakugou katsuki#katsuki bakugou#eijirou kirishima#kirishima eijirou#bnha#mha#boku no hero acadmia#my hero academia#armadillos can write#my fanfic#do not ask me how i am managing to stay motivated enough to write this bc honestly it's a miracle
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Cute (Little Shit)
Words: 1,000
Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku
Summary:
‘Izuku melts a little at the endearing sight, and Kacchan presses a clumsy kiss to his lips.
“Hey,” Izuku grins down at his boyfriend.’
Read it on AO3
Izuku lets himself into the apartment, opening his mouth to call out a greeting before pausing. He takes a moment to register the scene before him.
Kacchan is home, as Izuku expected, but is currently sprawled out on the couch, sound asleep. The television buzzes quietly in the background, the news channel broadcasting scenes from a resolved villain incident. Lazy golden rays of afternoon sunlight creep from the open windows and fall over Kacchan’s face, making his pale hair and skin glow with radiant affect. Sprawled out as he is, the man looks peaceful, his relaxed face cushioned by an arm. A small amount of drool collects on his arm from his open mouth; a sign his boyfriend is truly relaxed. Izuku isn't sure if he wants to melt at the sight before him, or burst out laughing. He settles for taking a quick picture with his phone.
..And then a few more. Kacchan is so cute, and seeing him like this makes Izuku’s chest tight in the very best way. It’s a quiet moment- warm, sweet, domestic- he simply had to capture.
Izuku moves to their bedroom, taking a quick shower and dressing comfortably in a plain t-shirt and black sweats. When he reenters the living room, Kacchan is still asleep.
As much as it pains him to disturb his boyfriend, Izuku knows that Kacchan won’t sleep that night if he naps for much longer. Keeping his movement quiet, Izuku approaches the couch slowly and kneels down beside him. He places a hand on his hair, scratching lightly as he whispers, “Kacchan.”
(If Izuku does this right, he’ll be rewarded with sleepy affection and warm smiles.)
He continues scratching lightly as he leans forward, pressing a chaste kiss to Kacchan’s cheek.
“Wake up, Kacchan,” Izuku murmurs.
Kacchan exhales a soft sigh, his face pinching slightly as he rouses. Slowly, his eyes flutter open to blink blearily at Izuku. He hums softly, pleased, and leans unabashedly into Izuku’s touch.
“Hey,” Kacchan’s voice comes out low and groggy, red eyes glazed by sleepy warm syrup.
Izuku melts a little at the endearing sight, and Kacchan presses a clumsy kiss to his lips.
“Hey,” Izuku grins down at his boyfriend.
Katsuki exhales a pleased little sigh, stretching out on the couch and butting his head into Izuku’s palm like a cat.
Obliging to the unspoken command and petting his boyfriend’s hair, Izuku laughs under his breath. Anyone who says Katsuki Bakugou isn't cute had obviously never seen him when he’s sleepy. (..Or maybe they had, only it was at the end of a night shift. Kacchan tended to get extra grumpy when he worked late. But his point definitely still stands- Kacchan is adorable, damnit!)
“C’mon, Kacchan, time to get up. If you sleep any longer now you won't sleep tonight,” Izuku says.
“Mmm fine..”
After a few minutes of coaxing, Izuku manages to get Kacchan up. Once he’s awake enough, the two get to work on dinner, working with quiet efficiency. They eat side by side, trading stories about their days. Their shifts never quite match up, so they make the best use of the time they have together.
It is later, long after they've finished dinner, when Izuku makes his fatal mistake.
Kacchan is in the shower and Izuku takes the opportunity to look at the photos he’d taken earlier. They all turned out really good, and Kacchan looks downright angelic.
Well. That’s an idea.
A photo editing app and a few taps later, Kacchan has a halo and pink, blushing cheeks. Izuku grins to himself as he sets it as his phone background.
Kacchan appears without warning.
“Deku,” he says, something dangerous glinting in his eye, “what is that.”
Slowly, Izuku turns, sheepishly meeting Kacchan’s deadly gaze. “It’s a cute picture?” Izuku’s words come out pitched at the end, as if he’s asking a question.
“You have five seconds.”
Dread washes over Izuku. He rolls away instantly, almost falling off the bed.
“Four.”
Kacchan must be feeling generous, if he's really giving him time to run. Best make use of it. With that thought, Izuku flings himself from the bed, hitting the floor ungraciously.
“Three.”
Scrambling to his feet, Izuku takes off out of their bedroom.
“Two!”
Crap. Through the kitchen, the kitchen!
“One! Get ready to die, fuck knuckle!”
Laughing, Izuku calls over his shoulder, “I’m sorry, Kacchan!”
Faux anger lines Kacchan’s voice as he calls back, “Oh, I’ll make you sorry!”
Izuku makes it as far as the living room before he is gripped by his waist and tossed onto the couch. Before he can escape, Kacchan is on him, straddling his hips and looming threateningly over him. The taller man deftly snatches Izuku’s wrists, pinning them both with one hand.
Uh oh. Izuku knows that look in his eyes.
Still laughing, Izuku stutters out, “W-wait, Kacchan, don't!”
Kacchan’s smirk is lethal. “You asked for this, nerd.”
“No-!” Izuku’s shriek cuts off abruptly as he devolves into giggles, writhing beneath Kacchan as he tickles him mercilessly.
He can't breathe! Oh gosh, he’s going to die. He's going to be tickled to death. This isn't how he was supposed to go!
“St-o-op,” Izuku whines between his laughter.
Above him, Kacchan pauses, scrunching his face in melodramatic contemplation. “Oh? And why should I do that? Got anythin’ to bargain with, nerd?” Kacchan asks smugly.
“I’ll delete the pictures! I promise!” Katsuki looks unimpressed, and Izuku rushes to continue, “And I’ll do the washing for both of us for the next week!”
Katsuki stares at him, considering. “Make it two and you've got a deal.”
“Two?” Izuku protests, “But you're the one-” He’s cut off as the demon above him resumes his tickling.
“Haah? What was that?”
Izuku takes it back. Kacchan isn't cute. He's a little shit.
“Okay, deal, deal!”
Finally, Kacchan releases Izuku’s wrists. With a grin, Kacchan presses a victorious kiss to his nose.
“Pleasure doing business with you.”
…Fuck. This dork is going to be the end of him.
#bakudeku#katsudeku#izukatsu#bakudeku fic#my writing#fic#post#CAN YOU TELL IM BAD AT TITLES#hh I have so much to improve on#anyway. Take this.#and lmk what you think?#it is.. pointless fluff#my fic
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Part 2 of why I said I don’t see a future with you..
January 25th 2018
The last post, it seemed more on a loving note. But there is a negative side, to why I said I don’t see a future.
The first reason is simply. We’re different. We want different things.
To you, it’s normal and completely fine to go three days without texting a girlfriend type person.
I used to be afraid, of my flaws and admiring them. But now, I’m like, “yeah I’m a judgmental bitch”. And I don’t care. I’m a judgmental bitch, and you’ll fully agree with me on that later on in this post.
Everybody wants different things in a relationship. I’ve been in enough to know what I do and don’t want.
And after being in so many effed up relationships..I •need• consistency.
I’m an understanding person. I can understand someone who has a busy schedule. But in a relationship, I need someone who can spend time with me. It really bothers me that we’re almost at the 2 year mark, but haven’t watched a single movie, tv show, anything together. We haven’t done so many relationshipy type stuff. It bothers me.
(we've still never watched a full movie. We've only watched like 20 minutes of the kissing booth together in Sept 2018 -this commented added -feb 2021)
In my fantasy’s, you hold me, you want to. You don’t yell at me. You look at me like I’m the person you love. You think I’m amazing. You can’t image being with anyone else. You feel so deeply about me. You match my own feelings for you. You hold me so tightly that the broken pieces of my heart get pushed back together.
In reality: you don’t. You don’t talk to me. You don’t want to be with me. You don’t think I’m amazing. You think I’m a waste of time. You don’t say anything flirty when I send dirty pics.
Last night
(This is the part where you call me a judgmental bitch).
I watched porn. It was just a video on the main page. Usually I just watch a guy and a girl doing it. That’s pretty much all I’ve been watching since we’ve gotten close. Because when I watch that stuff I think about you.
So I was watching it, and the guy in it, he’s the type of guy I fall for.
He said “I don’t get off first, I’m a gentleman”. And to that I just laughed but yeah that’s really good of a guy, to let a girl go first. But anyway, I started to see his personality and liked more of what I saw. I ended up going back to the start of the video, and I watched the whole thing though it was 22 minutes. And after that, I watched more of his videos.
I watched 9 of his videos. Maybe now you know where I’m going with this..
So. I though, “what if I watch more of these vids What if I watch 9 of them. The same number of girls Damien’s been with. Maybe I’ll be able to better understand.”
(why did I think that would be a good idea? I deeply apologize for this post. I erased a ton of disgusting judgmental crap)
I thought parrot was waiting for someone special. And I didn’t realize before him that I was too. But he wasn’t. He just wanted whatever he could get.
But then, you told me 9. (I’m sorry. I’m a judgmental bitch)
(yes you are)
You told me 9 and I wondered why. You told me 9 thought, that you weren’t waiting to save anything for the girl you end up with. Just doing it with whoever you’re with. No big deal.
When I’m with you, you just make me feel like I’m the only girl.
But when we’re not together, I don’t feel that anymore. Don’t feel like I’m the only girl. That there’s been many girls.
But it’s no big deal right? It’s just sticking a penis in a vagina. And I know nothing since im a virgin and I should go get fucked so I can stop playing the virgin card, right?
I’m sorry I hurt you.
I never told you this. But. When you told Chris, “she’s playing the virgin card. She wants me to regret being with those girls or whatever. I don’t regret being with the girls I’ve been with.” Something along those lines. It really hurt me.
So I finished. Watched the 9 videos. I cried.
(Dear 2018 me, why TF you crying over his past? He didn't cheat on you. Just because he's been with other girls, doesn't mean he'll keep doing that stuff with other girls while talking to you. That's His past, not yours, leave it alone.
Sincerely, 2021 me. Ps, stop talking about your ex's so much, it's annoying for me to have to keep going through these messages and deleting parts where you want to random insert an ex. It's an ex. Leave them in the past where they belong.)
Some people, try to avoid things. I was doing both. Trying to avoid them but also trying to understand them.
I mean, guys are so braggy and full of themselves. “Yeah I’ve fucked this many girls. I’m gonna fuck a girl tonight.”
I don’t want to be with someone like that.
I don’t want to make you feel bad. If you were my guy friend, and we never fell in love and we were only just friends, I’d tell you something different.
I’d tell you, that it’s fine, however many girls you’ve slept with. That there’s nothing wrong with it. That, the girl you’re with needs to get over her issues and either accept the number of girls you’ve been with, or walk.
I’m not a judgmental bitch to my friends. I listen, I care, I understand.
And maybe that’s why guys end up falling out of love with me. Maybe you’ll fall out of love with me.
I’m better at being a friend than a gf. It’s different, when I’m the gf. It’s my ass on the line. It’s my heart on the line. And my heart doesn’t want to get shattered. I look too deeply into things. I obsess. I get addicted. I’m just horrible at being a gf. But being a friend, it’s the complete opposite.
If you knew me as a friend before knowing me as a gf, you’d see me differently. I mean, I tried. But you didn’t want to be friends, you wanted to be with me after having one talk with me.
And yeah, the girl I was when we first talked, it’s apart of me. Our first talk was something out of a movie. I can understand why you fell so hard for me.
Or maybe it was just after the ass pic that you fell hard for me. Idk.
But, it’s like a curse. Once I get close to someone, all these bad things come out.
Like, when I’m friends with a guy, it doesn’t matter to me. How many dating apps he has. If he’s ever cheated. I don’t ask because I’m not into him so I don’t care. I signed up to be a friend, not invade his life.
When I have feelings for someone, it’s different.
I feel like, if I’m the gf, I’m allowed to stalk. I’m not invading cause his world is my world and my world is his world. I want to know all about him. And want to know if he’s ever cheated, all about his past, how many dating apps he has, everything. And then I judge his past. Because if he can do it in the past he can do it again.
And I also learned that from parrot. I saw the way he treated his ex’s. I thought I was different. Gosh, even one of his crazy ex’s who came after me, laughed at me for thinking I was different. “You think you’re different? Lol. Hunny he’s going to fuck your over like he did to every girl.”
That’s where I’m going to leave this post for now. There’s still more things I want to say. But right now all I’m going to say, is that I’m sorry.
(Once again, I'd like to apologize for my past behavior. I seemed to have this weird belief that if someone has sex, they'll keep doing it, even in a relationship, especially an online relationship. I also felt like, you belonged to them and not to me. But you've always done a good job of making me feel like it's only me. Which is how it's suppose to be in a relationship, right? I feel my past experiences deeply screwed up my brain. I apologize for that.)
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