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#I love domestic Bunker-Life as much as the next person

crashdevlin · 1 year

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Leftoverture 5- Still a Blind Man

Author’s Note: Don’t get me wrong, I loved the finale, but I was thinking about how much I miss Dean and I couldn’t stop thinking about ways I could have him back so…I’m going canon divergent while being as close to canon as possible. ‘Cause that’s how Cassie do. Leftoverture crosses over with Crash Into Me !

Summary: Dean throws in the towel a lot faster than Sam would like. Something's not quite right about Crash giving in and Sam's going to figure it out if Dean won't.

Pairing: Dean x OFC (Crash)

Word count: 1986

Story Warnings: angst, Post-barn scene sads, mentions of major character deaths (Dean and AU!Sam), mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts, memory fuckery, Chuck being an asshole, lots of pain and horribleness, mentions of brainwashing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam came into the garage as Dean pulled in, obviously expecting to welcome his sister-in-law and step-niece home. His face fell when Dean got out of the car and slammed the door.

"What happened? Where's Cassie?"

"She stayed in Florida," Dean snapped. "With Chuck."

Sam's eyes went wide. "What?"

"Yeah. Apparently, Chuck cozied up to her parents and moved into Crash's room after we let him live." Dean stomped toward the stairs. "He's been calling himself 'Erik' and got in her head about our relationship and her self-esteem has taken a dive because that's always been an issue for her and he knows exactly what issues she has 'cause he's Chuck!"

"Wait, but...but you're alive so why wouldn't she-"

"Because he made her think that we were only together because he wrote it!" He had to take a deep breath to control his emotions about it. "Which is bullshit! Chuck might have pushed her into my life, but he didn't make her the woman I fell for. He didn't...I mean, he wrote circumstances! He didn't write personalities! He didn't write the way she kissed me or how she sings or how she always puts every single person in the world in front of herself and how she never shoulda fallen for a fuck-up like me or…"

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "She told me to leave. Not even for the kid's wellbeing or to keep from having to deal with my next inevitable demise...Chuck said he was the only reason a woman like her ended up with a guy like me and she ate it up. She downed it like poison and turned in on herself immediately. It was like he confirmed every fear and suspicion she had about our relationship and it...I shouldn’t have even gone. She was better off…" Dean clicked his tongue against his teeth and started down the stairs. "Better off thinking I was dead."

"Dean, get out of the damn pity party for a minute, okay?" Sam followed him into the Bunker. "If you hadn't gone, if you hadn't let her know you’re alive, you wouldn't know that Chuck had infiltrated her life. What are you going to do abou-"

"Nothing." Dean turned in the hallway, looking up at his brother. "I'm not gonna do anything. She knows who he is and what he's done and she sent me home. She made her choice."

"Choice? What choice?"

"To believe him! To look at our whole relationship and boil it all down to one moment that Chuck created, one situation where he pushed her out of her norm, and decide that everything after that was him!" He scoffed. "Every night I laid awake thinking about her smile, every dream I had about some balance of domestic bliss and hunting with her, every song I can't listen to anymore without thinking of her, every dumb green witch or Vegas lights, frickin' Tombstone I associate with her too, but fuck, it was all Chuck, right? It was Chuck that made me fall in love with her."

His whole posture went from anger and fire to dejected and depressed. "Whatever. Chuck can have her."

"You don't mean that," Sam disputed.

Dean gave a sad smile. "You remember when she was with Mike? He would put her down, make her feel bad about herself, encourage her bad habits and self-destruction. 'Tween him and Chuck...seems like she's got a type and I'm not it." He started down the hallway toward his room. "I'm gonna go get a few hours. I've gotta be at the firehouse at seven."

"Dean. Wait a-"

"It's probably better this way. Bunker's no place for kids, anyway."

"This is bullshit," Sam growled. "You were looking for a reason not to bring her home with you!"

"She chose to stay!" Dean called back as he turned the corner. "Speaks volumes."

Sam shook his head, pulling his phone out. "I'm calling her!"

"Tell her I made it home safe!" Dean shouted before slamming his door shut.

~~~~

Sam sighed as he looked down at his phone. She didn't answer. He called four times and she didn't answer once. His sister was avoiding his calls, there was no other reason she wouldn't answer. He had to hope she would read a text.

Dean got home and said you chose to stay in Florida with Chuck and I just don’t understand why. Will you please call me back to explain this?

He set the phone on the table and ran his hand through his hair.

"I'm not sure when I'll be back," Dean said, walking into the library as he adjusted his white Lebanon Fire Department polo shirt. "But I'll bring beer when I come home."

"Dean, you can't just carry on like--like you aren't in agony about-"

"Watch me." Dean's tone was nothing more than a challenge, his face as hard as stone. "I'll be home tonight."

"He has your daughter." Sam stood and looked across the library. Dean bit his lip and looked at the floor. "Chuck has Aria. Even if you don't care about Cassie, and I know you're trying to convince yourself of that, you definitely care about what happens to that little girl. With Chuck in her life...and Mike still in her life...what do you think is gonna happen to her?"

Dean swallowed and gave his head a single shake before he started walking toward the garage. "Doesn't matter. She's not my daughter. Her step-daddy got killed saving two other little kids."

"If she's not your daughter, then I'm not your brother," Sam called after him. Dean stopped in the hallway. "Can't have it both ways, Dean. Either you are Dean, and everything that was his is yours, or you're not. You gotta make up your mind."

Sam watched Dean's shoulders tense, then release before he walked away. He scratched at his brow as his brother's form disappeared. "What do I do, Dean?" he whispered before picking up his phone and trying to text his sister-in-law again.

~~~~~~~~~

Three days of Cassie ignoring his calls and texts, and Dean ignoring that there was an issue, drove Sam to a slightly extreme option.

"Hello?" a soft, high-pitched voice answered the phone.

"Hey, Aria. It's Uncle Sam."

"I know. I saw it on the phone. Hi, Uncle Sam."

"Oh. I wasn't sure if you had my number in your contacts." He cleared his throat. "I've been trying to get a hold of your mom and she's not answering her phone. Do you know where she is?"

"She's in Erik's room. He's helping her meditate."

"She's-" Sam pushed his hair out of the way and looked around, despite the fact that Dean was out of the Bunker. "She's alone with Erik?"

"Yeah. He helps Mum meditate every day." She sighed dramatically and it almost made Sam smile. "She's weird when she gets done though. I'm sorry if that's mean to say that."

"What do you mean?"

"She walks weird and talks all slow and she's like when she drinks beers."

"Beers? Like she's drunk?"

"Yeah. Like when her and Dean would sit in the Dean Cave and have drinks and watch movies and she would get kinda wobbly but not sick wobbly? That's what she's like after."

Sam could hear worry in the young girl's voice. "Oh, okay. I'm...I'm sure that's just how the meditation is affecting her," he tried to soothe her. "She is probably just really relaxed after."

"Okay."

"Can you tell me if your mom has been acting weird other than just after meditation with Ch--Erik?"

"Um...she's dressing up a lot...and wearing makeup again, but all the time, not just when she's going out."

"Is, uh, is Erik your mom's boyfriend?" Sam didn’t want to know the answer, but he felt that he needed to know so that he could give Dean the full picture.

"I saw him kiss her."

"Right." Sam was more than a little upset that Dean's jealous assumption was right. "Um...that’s okay. Can you...do you know how to text?"

"Yeah."

"Do me a favor; if you see your mom acting really weird, text me."

"So she doesn't hear me on the phone with you?"

"So Erik doesn't hear," Sam corrected.

"Okay."

"Thank you."

"I miss Dean. Is he ever coming back?"

Sam ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "I'm working on it, sweetie."

"Okay. I hope you get him back soon. Mum isn't the same without him."

"Me either." Sam looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "I'll fix this. Just keep an eye on your mom for me, okay?"

"Okay!"

"Bye, Aria."

"Bye, Uncle Sam," she whispered before the call disconnected.

~~~~~~~~

"Dean, we need to talk." Sam had the words prepared, he just needed his brother to actually listen to them.

Dean shook his head, not looking up from his sheet of firefighter radio codes. "Nope."

"Just listen, then." Sam sat down across from him, hoping Dean would give eye contact, but not being given the satisfaction. "I called Aria's phone and-"

Dean's eyes snapped up. "You what?"

"I called Aria's phone," Sam repeated. "And she misses you. She misses who her mom is with you. She wants to come back."

"She's a ten year old. She's fine without me."

"No, she's not. She's not fine and neither is Cassie. She's--she's weird. Aria said Cassie is weird since Chuck's been around. I think he's doing something to her."

Dean looked back down, putting back up his defenses. "I'm sure he's fucking her by now. She never has had much resistance to a guy who thinks he's God's gift and treats her like crap. This one just happens to be God."

"D-Dean, that's...what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Dean looked up with a tired expression on his face. "What do you want from me, Sam? I died. She left. Chuck got his sights on her. She moved on with him...sent me home to…"

"Did she say she moved on with him? Or did she want you to be with her?" Dean shook his head dismissively but Sam continued before he could argue. "Because Aria says Erik has been helping Cassie meditate. I think he's been fucking with her head and if I'm right, you are leaving her to be controlled by Chuck just like we were controlled our whole damn lives!"

Dean ran his hand down his face. "I don't think so. She looked clear to me. Yeah, she was excited to see me and then she lied and said that 'Erik' was just a nice guy living in her old room and then she chose to stay-"

"What if she didn't know she was lying? What if he's brainwashing her? We've seen that normal humans can do massive damage to a person's psyche with the right psych knowledge and a bit of magic assistance. Chuck would know-"

"Why would he even do that?" Dean argued. "He didn't know I was coming back, he didn't write it, so he couldn't have set this up to punish me."

"Maybe it's a power trip. I just know that this isn't just Cassie falling victim to her poor self worth. She's fallen victim to him."

"Yeah, that's a nice, convenient, coincidence, but I think you're missin' the horse for the zebra." Dean stood, snatching the paper off of the table. "She moved on. She's allowed to do that. Let 'er move on."

"I don't think I can do that." Sam stood and headed in the direction of the garage. "And I don't know how you can."

"Leave it alone!" Dean called after him.

Sam didn’t respond as he picked up his bag of clothes and tossed it in the back of the old pickup truck. He had to know, one way or the other, what the hell was going on in Walton.

~~~~~

The Kitchen Sink Tags- @flamencodiva @sacriceria @lyarr24 @440mxs-wife @nancymcl @stephv213 @mariekoukie6661 @beachy2014 @alwayskeepfightingsweetheart @cosicas-cuquis @queenoftheunderdark @myheartbelongsintz @squirrelnotsam @akshi8278 @muhahaha303 @agirlwithdemonblood

#cassie writes stuff #spn fanfic #crash into me #fix it fic #dean x crash

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jdotsodomite · 2 years

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Just to be with you - a Valentines ficlet

hiii @softsophos ! 💕 i’m jaime, and i’m your @spnvalentines cupid - happy valentines day!! 💗

going off your wish for destiel and general blog vibe, i wanted to aim for a little soft and cute ficlet! i ended up writing something different than i’d originally planned idea-wise, but in that, i think it took a more domestic and arguably even softer approach!

so, with no further ado, have this little ficlet about a possible version of a first kiss between dean and cas! i hope you enjoy reading, and have an absolutely lovely day!! :) 💌

(entire ficlet is under the cut - if you’d prefer it posted on ao3, feel free to let me know!! :) 💞)

Just to be with you

Love is hard. It is elusive as much as it is desirable, and the only thing worse than not being in love is being in love – because once you know…you know. And what happens then?

The penny drops in a small, unimportant moment.

It’s a nondescript morning of a nondescript day in early February, and Dean and Cas are hunched over their coffee mugs, next to each other, a close proximity in the otherwise empty bunker kitchen. Sam is off doing exercise of some morning-person sort, and Dean and Cas are just…sitting. The silence is sleepy, not stifling. It’s a routine, however unspoken, and there is comfort in routines.

Blinking blearily, Cas gives a little start, of the kind people make when they are still tilting over into wakefulness. Dean, zoned out in his own right, waiting for the caffeine to hit his bloodstream, lazily watches Cas wrap sturdy hands firmly back around his coffee mug.

The ginormous mug has a honeycomb mosaic pattern, and maybe they hadn’t gone to Goodwill with the intention of buying mugs that day, but Dean hadn’t been able to help pointing it out to Cas, who now refuses to drink from any other mug. The one time that Sam had used it for lack of clean mugs, Cas had angrily squinted at him for three days straight.

Cas sighs softly, and pulls the mug up to his face, rather literally sticking his nose in to deeply inhale the little curls of steam rising from the coffee. Dean knows it hasn’t been easy for him to adjust to being a human, adjusting to a different and now-permanent level of existence, but Cas has told him there is immense pleasure in these little things, just letting his body, as it is now, experience the world around him. This seems to be one of those things.

It really hits him, then. This is a former angel in Dean’s kitchen, knocking shoulders with him every once in a while, practically nosediving into his coffee mug like that can make it wake him up faster. Dean must make a little noise, some fond thing or another, because Cas startles.

Coffee inhalation interrupted, he questioningly meets Deans eyes. There’s a tiny little droplet of coffee on his nose now. Cas doesn’t seem to notice and just blinks softly at Dean, whose heart jumps in his chest. Oh.

As much as it is a realization, it also isn’t. It’s been sneaking up on him, and to his own surprise, Dean has let it. He’s getting…older, if not outright old, and something things are just getting exhausting. So, instead, he’s been sitting with it, all the feelings…and they feel good. Fond. Loving, even, when he dares to think the word. Cas is a part of his life, and he wants him to stay there. With him. Next to him.

As his gaze drifts to Cas’ lips, it hits him that he may finally be ready to do something about it.

Of course, Sam manages to crash the moment, already fresh as a daisy and twice as awake as either of them.

Sam and Cas have been bonding over botany of all things, undertaking the impossible project of keeping plants in the lightless bunker. According to the Lowe’s garden center employee, Lamprocapnos spectabilis could survive with little sunlight, but the plant is currently withering on Sam’s bedside table, its little heart-shaped blossoms drooping.

Cas drains his mug, mumbling something about trying out UV-lighting for the heart flower as he goes to follow Sam. He leaves behind a silence that is markedly too quiet, and Dean shifts in his seat. The coffee smudge was still on Cas’ nose. Probably not even properly noticeable, but there. Buffered by his own little realization, Dean’s heart thumps a little faster. His hand twitches.

Dean could plan something out. He could try to get in the February spirit, leave Cas some bee-friendly plant seeds or get him that soft yellow seater he’d seen at the local thrift store. Maybe with a little note, play it off as a “secret admirer”, with it almost being Valentine’s Day. A little pun added. “Bee mine”, or something else that would probably make Cas smile. Work up to some big finale, on the day itself. Big dramatic dinner, flowers, the works.

Then Dean looks at the empty place next to his. His decision is made before he even thinks about it consciously. Love may be hard, but sometimes, the decision is surprisingly easy. He loves Cas. And right now, more than anything, he’d rather just…let him know.

Cas is hunched over said withering plant, prodding it gently. He looks up briefly when he hears Dean enter the room, but doesn’t stop his study of the blossoms.

“Hello, Dean. Sam has gone to finalize our options for rigging some artificial UV lamps so we can try to see if it responds to…“

Dean lets Cas carry on, leaning in a bit so it looks like he’s also looking at the plant. He’s shaking a little, if he’s honest. But he’s also certain of this.

“Hey, Cas?”

Cas breaks off, turning toward him, confused. “Yes?”

Dean is sure that at this point, there’s a bit of a blush on his cheeks. “You, uh…you got some coffee. On your nose. Like, just now. I…wanted you to know.”

Face scrunching, Cas’ eyes cross a little. He brushes his hand across the spot. “Is that it? Or is there any more?”

“Well, you’ve got something just right…here.”

Dean steps closer into Cas’s space, one handing moving to cradle his face. Cas’ eyes, but he leans into Dean’s hand almost instinctually. Emboldened, Dean’s thumb briefly, oh so softly brushes over Cas’ lower lip. He can feel Cas swallow.

“Are you going to…help me with that?” Cas’ eyes dip to Dean’s own lips, and yeah, Dean is on board with that.

“I- I can do that.” Dean pauses, the fluttering feeling in his stomach “Do you…want me to?”

“I do, Dean.”

Whatever they say about the best kisses being exchanged over and over between the eyes before they actually happen or whatever is apparently true, because Dean sighs against Cas’ lips when they finally move together. This isn’t a quick burst of passion or thoughtless move. It’s been a long time coming. It’s home, and love, and-

“Really, guys? In front of my plant??”

#spnvalentinesgiftexchange #spnvalentines #destiel wedding anniversary #my writing #long post

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queen-of-deans-booty · 3 years

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Your Perfect Little Bubble

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader

Word Count: ~1.5k

Warnings: fluff, dad!sam fluff, minor angst

Request by anon: What about a Sam x reader where Sam and R are sleeping and their young child comes in because of a nightmare and wakes up reader wanting to sleep with their parents. With the lines “ ok, just don’t wake daddy up.” And Sam replies “Too late” Just domestic fluff! There just needs to be more Dad!Sam

Summary: Your little boy has a nightmare in the middle of the night and tells you about it.

nose kisses (2020 card) and child au (2021 card) for @spnfluffbingo

family for @spntfwbingo

domestic au for @spngenrebingo

Author’s Note: I know this was requested a long time ago. Sorry this is just now coming out. This is unbeta’d and all mistakes are mine. If you have any requests, please send them in!

Having kids was never something you saw for yourself until you met Sam. Being truly happy with your life was never possible for you until you met Sam. You never saw having the things you have now until you met Sam. Everything happened when you met him, and you owe him your life--to try and pay back everything he gave to you. Ten years ago, if someone asked you what you would be doing with your life, it would certainly not be this.

Your eccentric five-year-old baby boy is full of life and is curious about everything. He has an eye for the good, to see what others can’t. When you found out you were pregnant, you refused to raise him the way John did with his boys. John shut his kids out unless he needed them, and even then, it was touch-and-go. Not with Dylan, no, you wanted to be different than the rest.

Dean has always said hunters aren't kids, but you’re doing a pretty damn good job at allowing your baby boy be a kid for as long as he can. He knows what’s out there because you decided to have the talk with him in the form of stories. Instead of just shoving him into the life and forcing him to deal with it like John did, you tell stories of vampires, djinns, angels, demons, and everything in between. With stories, you can show him it’s not that scary, and with hunter parents like Sam and Dean, it’s not.

The Bunker isn’t an ideal place to raise a child, but Dylan made sure to turn this place into his own personal playground. The two rooms you merged to make his playroom is just covered with toys. Whenever he had a birthday, Sam, Dean, and even Castiel would spoil him with lots of presents, so the Bunker is just littered with them.

You don’t mind much since it makes him so happy to get gifts. He’s not spoiled in a bad way--he always says please and thank you, and he is very grateful for what he gets. You don’t think you could have raised a better son, and there are still thirteen more years to go. You let Dylan play in his playroom after dinner, so when you enter the room to get him, a smile grows on your face.

He fell asleep while playing with the present Jack gave him--Marvelous Marvin the Talking Teddy. He also has one, and they play a lot together with them. You think it’s sweet how much your son grew to love Jack. They are close in age, so it makes sense that they would get along the best.

You walk over to your little man and pick him up gently, careful not to wake him up. His head rolls to rest on your chest, and you carry him to his room. He decorated it all on his own with the help of his father. There are stars and planets painted on the wall since he loves Toy Story and Buzz Lightyear and everything that has to do with space. You lay him in his bed and tuck him up, kissing him on the head when you’re finished.

Sam and Dean had just gotten back from a tough hunt, so to give your husband some time to settle into bed and go to sleep, you figured you would clean Dylan’s playroom first. If you were to go to bed now, and Sam was only half-asleep, he would wake as soon as you got into the bed. Years of being a hunter made him accustomed to being a light sleeper.

You tidy up Dylan’s playroom, putting the toys where they belong. Inside the room is a little table in the corner that is used for arts and crafts that he loves using. Today, him and Jack were painting some of the Toy Story characters. Your son’s paintings aren’t that great with Jack not that far behind him, but they had fun while doing it. You take the pictures and hang them in the designated spot that’s used to hang all the pictures that Dylan makes. Once they dry, he picks his favorite ones and you throw the rest of them away. The ones he picks go into a big photo album that he can look through when he’s older.

Once the room is cleaner, you head back to your shared room with Sam. You can hear his soft snores from his side of the bed, so you know he is fast asleep. You’re quiet as you change into your pajamas, and you slide into bed gently. Sam turns over so he's facing you, and in his sleep, he reaches out for you. You cuddle into his side, acting as the “little spoon”. His big arms wrap around your waist as his head buries itself into the crook of your neck.

If you could stay like this forever, you would. Immediately, you drift off to sleep knowing everyone inside the Bunker is safe and sound. You’re not sure when you wake up next, but you know it’s not morning. It’s not your alarm telling you that you two needed to get up to do your morning run. It’s not the smell of coffee coming from the kitchen that Jack loves to make since he barely sleeps. No, something much more innocent and vulnerable wakes you.

“Mommy,” Dylan whispers, shaking your shoulder.

“What is it, baby? Are you okay?” you whisper and turn on the lamp next to your bed on the lowest setting so it doesn’t wake Sam up.

“I had a nightmare.”

“Come here,” you say and pat the area between you and Sam.

Sam had managed to scoot as far as possible away from you during the night, so there is plenty of room for Dylan to crawl in without waking his father. He settles in next to you, and you push his long hair away from his face. He is growing more to look like Sam every single day. He refuses to cut his hair claiming he wants to look like Daddy.

“Tell me about your nightmare, sweetheart. Just don’t wake Daddy up.”

“Too late,” Sam grumbles and flips to face you two. “What’s going on?”

“Dylan had a nightmare. He was just going to tell me about it.”

“Alright, buddy, we’re all ears. We’re listening,” Sam yawns.

“I had a nightmare about you and Daddy. You were killed by a monster and you left me all alone,” Dylan sighs.

You look at Sam knowingly, and that little story causes him to become more alert. You’re not a hunter anymore--not since you found out you were pregnant. You’re a stay-at-home mom while Sam and Dean go out and fight the monsters. You help when you can from the Bunker, but you don’t go out anymore. This isn’t your department anymore, so Sam takes over. He grabs Dylan by the waist and plops him on his elated legs so that he’s resting his back on them.

“Listen, Dylan, your mom and I aren’t going to die. I know it’s scary, okay? Believe me, I was once your age thinking the same thing about my dad. It was scary for me not knowing if he was ever going to come home, but it doesn’t have to be like that for you. Your uncle and I will always make it home to you and your mom. You have Uncle Jack and Cas here to protect you. They’re angels, so if I’m ever hurt, they can fix me right up. You won’t ever have to be alone.”

“Your daddy’s right, baby. Monsters are scary, okay? Monsters can hurt a lot of people, but your daddy and your uncle go out and kill the bad people so that the good people can be happy. Just like in your stories,” you add with a smile.

“Okay,” he nods, believing every word you and Sam say.

“You want to show your mom what we’ve been working on?” Sam asks with a smile, and that seems to brighten up your son.

“Yeah!”

He and Sam have been working on a secret handshake that only the two of them know. It puts a smile on your face to know that your son has this to fall back on. When he’s scared or alone, he can think back to times like these to feel better. When they are done, Dylan squeals in happiness when Sam bear-hugs him.

“That’s pretty cool,” you beam.

“Are you feeling much better?”

“Yes, Daddy,” Dylan smiles widely.

“Do you want to sleep in here with us?” you ask.

Dylan nods, and Sam puts him back where he was before. Dylan snuggles underneath the blanket and passes the fuck out. When you know he is fast asleep, you look at Sam with a loving smile.

“We did a good job with this one,” you say.

“We should have another one,” Sam whispers.

“I’d love nothing more.”

You lean closer to him and rub your nose against him to give him some Eskimo kisses before kissing him on the lips. It’s slow and sensual, but nothing short of loving. You pull away and cuddle into him with Dylan in between you two.

Your perfect little family all wrapped up in a perfect little bow.

Wanna get tagged? Add yourself to this document! If your tag doesn’t work, find out why! Follow my library blog @queenofdeansbooty-writes where I reblog all my stories, so you can follow that if you can’t be tagged!

@babypink224221 @fluffydanger @jennazeise @calaofnoldor @miraclesoflove @xxboesefrauxx @kendall-michele @007zada @nahigm @sandlee44 @a--1--1--3 @paintballkid711 @musiclovinchic93 @whizzer1320 @essie1876 @notyourtypicalrose @fuckwby @gh0stgurl @wonderful-writer @scarletmeii @mizzezm @fandom-princess-forevermore @katherine097 @posiemax @countrygal17a @knowledgefulbutterfly @justalonely-nerd @deanloveboi @casseythebee @redperson58 @donnaintx @foxyjwls007 @thatmotleygirl @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @sritzthefirefly @sunshin3sammy @stixnstripesworld

#spnfluffbingo #spntfwbingo #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester fluff #sam winchester fic #sam winchester fiction #sam winchester fan fiction #sam winchester fanfic #sam winchester fan fic #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fic #supernatural fluff #spn #spn fic #spn fanfiction #spn fluff

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waywardrose13 · 3 years

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Deliverance From Evil

Pairing: DARK!Dean Winchester x Reader (?), Sam x Reader (platonic)

Word Count: 11,054

Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING: Non-con, rape, physical and mental/emotional abuse. Ages 18+, virgin!reader, language, mentions of depression/anxiety, curse, purgatory, purgatory!Dean, hateful remarks, negative self image, mentions of suicidal thoughts, not enough editing to satisfy me. Please let me know if I missed any triggers/warnings.

Rating: Mature- 18+!! If I find that you are under 18, you will be blocked. Go read some of my minor friendly stories.

Summary: Dean Winchester had two sides; the selfless, caring man who loved his baby brother, car, and pie; and the cruel, sadistic man who was hell bent on making Y/n’s life a living hell. When Dean, Cas, and Y/n are sucked into Purgatory, things take a turn for the worse. Two years later, Y/n finds herself face to face with the man who broke her. A new discovery leads to Y/n finding out the truth, yet sometimes, the truth is better left unsaid.

A/N- This story is very dark and can be triggering to some readers. Please do not read if any of the above warnings are triggering to you. I have also listed some resources below if you are in need of help. I love you all!

Bingo squares: @spndarkbingo (Purgatory!Dean) // @badthingshappenbingo (This is for your own good) // @spndeanbingo (Soulmates AU)

U.S. National Sexual Violence Hotline: 800.656.4673

U.S. National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800.799.7233

The idea of Purgatory wasn’t what put me on edge. It wasn’t the monsters constantly down your throat, or the blood, sweat, and tears that somehow never seemed to stop. It was Dean Winchester’s sinister stare and cruel remarks that put me on edge.

I didn’t hate the man. If I was being honest, I felt quite the opposite, but it was more of a feeling of distress. Ever since meeting him, something about me had made him loathe me. I wasn’t sure what it was, nor have I ever asked, but whatever it is, I have never been able to make him at least tolerate me.

Sam and I had met in college. I was a freshman when he was a senior, and he tutored me for a while. We became friends, and soon we found out the both of us had gone to college to escape the hunting life. We grew apart for years, naturally coming back together on a hunt.

I had been at the bunker with the Winchesters ever since, much to the elder brother’s dismay. And ever since then, Dean had made it his job to make my life a living hell.

It started out as small jabs at me; little comments that had an underlying, cruel meaning to them. Or forgetting to pick me up from police stations, houses, etc, or not bringing back food for me. But slowly, it evolved into something more. He began openly being cruel towards me, saying things that made me cry in bed at night. He’d shove me when Sam wasn’t looking, he’d purposely break my things, bleach my clothes, point out my insecurities for a laugh.

I honestly thought the bullying ended in high school.

I hadn’t fallen in love with the person he was towards me. I had fallen in love with the person he was to others. He was selfless and caring. He was brave, intelligent, and had a killer sense of humor. And the simple sight of him made me weak at the knees. But whenever his words were spoken to me, or his glare was pointed at me, I sometimes forgot who he was when he wasn’t hating me.

Something must have been wrong with me. How could I love a man who was so ruthlessly callous to me? Although I had tried to stop the feelings, it was like an inexplicable pull vehemently caused me to fall into a confusing love with this man. It was unstoppable, and however much I prayed or wished for it to leave, the feeling never ceased.

“Hey, Y/N!” I jumped as Dean barked at me, and I snapped myself out of it, looking towards him. “Get your head out of the damn clouds and move your ass.”

I sighed, hoisting my makeshift bag onto my shoulder, trudging after him and Benny.

After Dean killed Dick Roman, he, Cas and I were swallowed into Purgatory along with the Leviathan, too close to the impact sight, apparently. I immediately knew I was fucked when Dean looked at me dead in the eyes when we landed and told me he’d rather go to hell than be stuck with me in a place like this.

“We need her, Dean,” Cas had said. Dean had rolled his eyes, scoffing.

“We need her like we need the plague, Cas,” he snarled. I flinched at his words, and I closed my eyes for a moment to keep the tears at bay. “I mean for fucks sake.”

“Look, the way I see it, I don’t care if you hate her, but we need all the help we can get. And she’s a good hunter despite everything else you, for some reason, hate about her.”

It was the first time someone had stood up for me. It wasn’t long, however, before Dean and I were on our own, Cas seemingly taking off after a particularly rough fight. He ignored me the whole time, not saying any words to me, but using his shoulder to roughly shove me out of his way from time to time. The way I saw it, he wasn’t verbally abusing me anymore. I could manage a few shoves.

When Benny joined our team of two, Dean began speaking again, and we continued the search for Cas.

So here we were now, walking through the dense forest of Purgatory, eyes and ears constantly alert. It was like the start of a bad joke; two hunters and a vampire walk through purgatory…

“Don’t mind him, Cher,” Benny murmured to me. “He’s in a mood.”

“He’s always in a mood around me, Benny,” I said. “Nothing I do will ever change that.”

“Benny, quit gossiping with her and get over here,” Dean said, voice hushed. He was crouched down over the edge of a cliff, Benny and I making our way to crouch on either side of him. Dean shot me a dirty look, and he turned slightly towards Benny.

“What is it?” The vampire asked. Dean nodded his head to the valley at the bottom of the ridge.

“Leviathans,” Dean said. “Took out a small pack of wolves a few minutes ago.”

I shivered, watching as one of the leviathans picked up a severed limb, inspecting it before tossing it to the side.

“Shit. That was our path, wasn’t it?” Benny asked. Dean nodded.

“Yeah, and I’m not really in the mood to get into a fight with a bunch of leviathans right now,” he said.

“I don’t blame you, chief,” Benny agreed. “But what are we going to do now?”

I glanced to the left, eyes roaming the cliff side. It was high above the creatures below, and it fed to another cliff edge on the other side. It would be above our path, but most likely would run parallel alongside it. There seemed to be good footwells along the cliffside, and I struggled to get the courage up to speak.

“I have an idea,” I said. Both men looked over at me, interest on Benny’s face and annoyance on Dean’s.

“The adults are talking,” Dean said.

“Let her talk, chief,” Benny said, patting his friend on the back. “Go ‘head, cher.”

I swallowed. “The side of the cliff: it’s hidden by the tops of the trees. But-” I pointed to the other edge- “if we are careful enough, we could climb across and get to the other landing. I’m guessing the otherside runs parallel to our original path, it’ll just be higher.”

“Smart,” Benny said, giving me a smile. “Real good.”

“How the hell are you going to climb across the side of a damn cliff?” Dean asked, raising a brow. “You can barely hold up your axe.”

I bit my lip. “I’ll manage. And I can, too, hold up my axe. I’m not weak.”

Suddenly I was being shoved onto my back, my hands being pressed into the dirt as Dean held my wrists. He straddled my waist, his face inches from mine.

“Push me off,” he hissed, eyes furiously burning through my skull. I struggled beneath his hold. I was strong, but Dean was stronger, and no matter how much I bucked and pushed and pulled, he wouldn’t budge.

He let go of me for a moment, and I shoved at his chest, quickly being held down again with one hand while his other held a knife to my throat.

“You know, it would be so easy to end you right now,” he growled. My eyes widened in fear. “I wouldn’t have to hear your whiny, sniveling voice anymore and see your pathetically hideous face.”

I couldn’t stop the tears from pooling in my eyes.

“It would put us all out of our misery.”

“That’s enough, Dean,” Benny said, now on his feet.

“The bitch needs to be taught a lesson,” Dean said, pressing harder. I whimpered, fear clutching my heart in its grasp as he smirked darkly at me. “Don’t you… bitch?”

“Get off me, Dean,” I said, bucking beneath him again. He laughed, hand squeezing my wrists tighter. “Stop it.”

In a blink of an eye, he had reared the blade back, bringing it shooting back down until it stabbed into the ground beside my head. I flinched away from it, eyes squeezing shut as he was being pulled off me.

“What the hell is your problem?” Benny asked, pushing Dean against a tree. “What the fuck has she ever done to you?”

“What do you mean? Just look at her,” Dean said.

“Give me a reason, chief,” Benny snarled. “Give me one good reason why you terrorize that poor woman.”

Dean hesitated, his mouth agape as he thought for a moment. I was sitting up, hand on my throat as I watched carefully as he closed his mouth and set his jaw, eyes casting downwards.

“That’s what I thought,” Benny muttered, letting him go. Dean took a deep breath, looking up at me for a moment.

“Fine. We’ll do it your way.” He bent down to pick up his sword, slinging it over his shoulder onto his back before making his way to the cliff side.

Benny helped me to my feet, hands cradling my head as he inspected my neck. There was a small nick from Dean’s blade, but I was relatively unscathed.

“Alright, cher,” Benny began, hands gently resting on my shoulders. “You stick with me, okay? I won’t let Dean touch you again.”

I swallowed thickly, nodding my head as he patted my back. He pulled me in for a quick hug before following after Dean.

***

The next three days had gone by in a blur. We had yet to find Cas, and Dean was getting impatient. It was a constant surge of monsters and a constant physical battle with ourselves as we pushed through the fights, trying to swallow back our bile at the blood and guts that inevitably found itself onto our clothes.

I was washing up in the river, a little way through the trees from a camp we had set up for the night. I had carefully peeled off my bloodstained clothes, washing my body as best I could with the river’s water before attempting to clean my jeans and shirt. I scrubbed at them until the blood was simply an ugly stain, tossing the garments onto a nearby rock to dry. I was midway running water over my hair when suddenly arms were lifting me up, eliciting a squeal from my lips. A hand clamped over my mouth and I was dragged back behind the rocks. I struggled in the arms of my captor, rearing my head back and bashing it into their nose. They grunted, and they let go.

I spun around, fists raised, eyes widening.

“Dean? What the hell?” I asked, covering my stomach. My chest was still covered by my bra, and the water was deep enough to cover the bottom half of me, but I felt naked under Dean’s intense gaze. I glance around, spotting my clothes on the boulder. I grabbed at them, pulling the shirt over my head before my jeans were ripped away from me and thrown to the side. “Hey!”

His lips crashed against mine in a bruising force, hand tangling in my hair as he snaked an arm around my waist, crushing my body against his. My hands flew to his chest and I tried to push him away, confusion and fear coursing through my veins as he wouldn’t let go.

I bit down on his lip, and he reared back with a small yelp, touching where blood began to seep from the bite. I pulled my shirt on as he was distracted and backed away from him, arms curling around my torso.

“What the fuck was that?” He asked, wiping away the blood. I stared at him, mouth dropping.

“What the fuck was that?” I yelled. He raised a brow. “You don’t just come onto a girl like that! Especially after treating her like you treat me!”

“I… huh?”

“Are you seriously playing dumb right now?” I asked, brows drawing together. “You can’t be that fucking idiotic.”

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? For everything. But here’s the thing,” he said, moving closer to me. I moved back until I was pressed against the rock. “We’ve been here for almost a year, right? Neither of us have gotten any within that time. You just looked hot down here in the water, and I see the way you look at me sometimes so I just thought, ‘hey, why not?’”

How long had I dreamed a moment like this would happen? Too many times. More than I’d care to admit. But did I really want to be with Dean for the first time like this? With him hating my guts, simply wanting a quick fuck in Purgatory pf all places? Fuck no.

I scoffed, shaking my head. “You’re shitting me.”

“No.”

I ran a hand through my damp hair. “I… I can’t believe a word that’s coming out of your mouth right now. You think I’m hideous! You’ve said so multiple times, so you’re full of shit! And just so you know, you don’t just jump onto a girl and assume she wants the same thing you do. Besides, who wouldn’t be attracted to you, for fuck’s sake? It doesn’t mean I want to fuck you! God, Dean! You hate me!”

“I don’t hate you…”

“Yes, you do! You’ve bullied me like a damn middle schooler since the moment you met me!”

He sighed, jaw clenching. “Fine. You know what? Forget it.” He moved past me, stopping for a second. “And all have you know, it’s not that I hate you. It’s just that I can’t stand to be around you for more than ten minutes without wanting to put a gun in my mouth. And you’re right, I do think you’re hideous, and my god does your personality make you fucking ugly inside and out. If you don’t want work done on your face, at least work on that. Maybe then you could find someone willing to put up with you.”

He left then, leaving me speechless. I collapsed against the rock, silent sobs racking my body. I hated myself, and Dean thrived on that fact. I had no idea what I had ever done to him, nor did I understand how someone could be so cruel. But there was one thing I did know for sure; Dean Winchester was absolutely hell bent on breaking me.

***

I combed my hair out with my fingers, eyes staring out over the water.

It was nearly a week after my confrontation with Dean, and he had gone back to ignoring me. I was okay with it, not minding the silence after the cruel words. I always relied on my friendship with Benny to get me through, but it seemed as though he was pulling away from me, too.

I sighed, my hands finding themselves on the dirt beneath me. They were filthy, no matter how many times I scrubbed at them with moss and water, the blood and mud wouldn’t rid itself from my skin.

Suddenly, something went soaring through the air in front of my face, a blade lodging itself in the tree beside me. I fell back, flattening myself on the ground as I looked to the side, seeing Dean standing twenty feet from me, a dark smirk on his face, Benny shaking his head behind him.

“What the hell, Dean!” I shouted, scrambling to my feet. “You could’ve killed me!”

“But I didn’t,” he said, walking towards me. He reached past me, eyes locked on mine as he retrieved the knife from the bark. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Don’t be so… are you fucking with me?” I asked, watching as he turned around and shrugged off his jacket.

“Just drop it, cher,” Benny said, rolling his eyes. I set my jaw and turned away, swallowing back the anger brewing inside my chest. I folded my arms over each other, biting down on my tongue until I drew blood. “I’m going to scout the area. See if I can’t find a better place to set up camp.”

I inwardly groaned at the thought of being alone with Dean, and watched from the corner of my eye as Benny made his way through the trees, Dean leaning against one to stare at me. He was twirling his blade around in his fingers, his smirk not fading from his face. I shifted uncomfortably.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Dean began.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” I muttered. He stopped twirling the knife, smirk fading to replace his expression with a stoic, hard one.

“I’ll give you one more chance at this, Y/N,” he said. He walked toward me slowly, and I backed away a bit.

“At what?” I asked, now pressed against a tree. Dean didn’t stop moving until he could press his palm against the tree, leaning into it as he bent down until he was eye level with me.

“I think you know.” His eyes flickered down to my lips, his tongue running out to wet his own. I shivered as he lowered his face to the side of my head, nose pressing into my hair to take a deep breath in.

“Dean, please, I don’t-”

“You know, I bet you’re still a virgin,” he interrupted, ignoring my words. I tried pushing against his chest but he took my hands in his, bringing them behind my back and crushing me further into the tree. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with anyone. Although, I’m not surprised.”

“Dean, stop it,” I said harshly, but once again my words went unheard, and he nipped my collarbone.

“Fuck, a virgin pussy sounds so good right now.”

“I said stop, Dean!” I cried, pushing harder against him. He retaliated, quickly holding both of my hands in one of his in order to press against my throat with the other.

“I don’t give a fuck about what you said,” he hissed. “The only reason you’re alive is because of me. Face it, you wouldn’t have made it on your own, and the only reason that I haven’t killed you myself yet is because Sam would kill me when we get back.” He crushed his lips to mine, all teeth and rough pressure as he shoved his tongue into my mouth. He rolled his hips against me, and my stomach churned. “I haven’t had any in a long time, Y/N. I need to let off some steam, and you owe me.” He pulled back to look into my teary eyes. “Answer me this… are you a virgin?”

I clenched my jaw. “Let go of me.”

He growled and slapped me, a yelp escaping my lips as he gripped my chin, bashing my head back against the bark. “I will find out one way or another, I’m just curious.”

I swallowed, teeth sinking into my tongue. I’ve had two boyfriends in the past, if I could even call them that. I had only gone on a few dates with both of them, but never went further than second base. I was twenty-four and never worried about still being a virgin.

Until now.

I didn’t want my first time being like this; raped in purgatory by the man who hates me, and who I was utterly afraid of; raped by a man I had unwillingly fallen in love with.

I gave a short nod, and he smiled darkly. “Not surprising, but definitely exciting.”

“Dean, please don’t do this,” I said, struggling against his hold. “Please.”

“Benny will be back soon, so we need to make this quick,” he said. And suddenly, his hand was off my throat and on the button of my jeans.

“No!” I snarled, trying to kick at him, but he wedged his knee between my legs, and I was completely trapped.

His hand was inside my pants and down the front of my panties without hesitation, and I cringed at the thought of the dirt and blood that coated both of our skin. His fingers ran through my folds, thumb finding my clit quickly. I squeezed my eyes shut as nausea washed over me, and my body went rigid at the alien feeling of someone else’s hands down there. A tear trickled down my cheek, and Dean bent forward to lick it up.

“Come on, baby,” he cooed mockingly. “Just go with it. There’s nothing you can do to stop it anyway.”

I reared back as far as I could to spit in his face. He flinched back in surprise, his face morphing from cocky and dark to menacing, and I was thrown to the ground roughly within a second, Dean quickly hovering over me and holding me down before I could move away.

“I was trying to make this better for you, I truly was,” he said, beginning to undo his belt. I shuddered and squirmed beneath him. “But now, you’ve just pissed me off. So I don’t give a fuck if you’re ready or not.”

He shoved his jeans down far enough to free his cock from his boxers, moving back to tear at my own jeans and panties and drag them down my legs. I flipped around and began crawling away, but he gripped my ankle and turned me around onto my back.

“I want to see you,” he grunted, hands spreading my legs enough for him to fit between them. I looked down at his prick, eyes widening as I saw the size of him, and he laughed. “You’re in for it now, sweetheart.”

He stroked himself a few times before lining up with my entrance. I didn’t stop struggling, hands trying to claw at his face, my eyes blurring from my tears. He gripped both of my wrists in one of his hands while the other held himself until the tip was resting against me, and then he moved his hand to grip my waist harshly.

He forced himself inside me in one painful thrust, and a scream of pain was ripped from my throat. Dean smirked, relishing in the fact he had just torn through my virginity with such cruelty and violence. He groaned as he began to move. My hands slumped against him, knowing it was no use. He was much stronger than me, and he had already gotten what he wanted.

“I knew you’d like this,” he hissed in my ear, pulling out just to snap back in. “A bitch born to take a cock. My cock.”

The last shred of my innocence was taken within a second, and each time he shoved himself inside me, it took everything in me not to burst into tears. I turned my face away from him, eyes squeezed as tight as I could in order to try and disassociate myself, praying that this was simply but a dream.

But as he hiked up my leg around his waist to angle himself deeper inside me, I knew it wasn’t a dream, but a nightmare, one born to tear down my walls and shatter the last of my will. I knew Dean Winchester was intent on breaking me, but I didn’t know he’d take it to such extremes.

“Shit,” he cursed, plunging himself deeper and deeper with each thrust until he couldn’t go any further. I bit my lip to keep in my cries of pain, nails sinking into the palms of my hand.

His hips began to stutter, his movements choppy and I knew he was close. I dug my nails in deeper until I felt blood trickle from my fingers. His hand gripped my jaw, turning my head.

“Look at me,” he growled, holding himself to the hilt inside me until I complied. He smirked at the tears that trickled from my eyes, and slammed himself home once, twice, three more times before he came. He held his hips flush to my pelvis, eyes still locked with mine as he spilled himself inside me.

He gave a few more lazy humps, making sure he didn’t waste a single drop of his come before slipping out, sitting back on his haunches and taking a deep breath. “Wow.”

I sniffled, scooting as far away as possible as I pulled up my panties and jeans with shaky hands, trying to hold back the sobs and failing. I brought my hand up to my mouth, biting my sleeve to stifle the cries threatening to echo off the trees, and brought my knees up to my chest.

“Shit, sweetheart,” Dean said smiling. He laughed, shaking his head. “You felt better than I thought.” He sighed, standing up then and looked down at me. “Benny will be back soon. So pull yourself together before then. Say one word to him about this, I’ll kill you.”

I nodded in understanding, and he grunted.

He grabbed his axe and turned away, trudging off into the woods for his usual search for firewood.

In the five minutes he was gone, I took the time to pack up the few belongings I had, and without turning back, I ran for the hills.

Two Years Later

The nightmares never faded.

They had become less frequent, yet every few days or so, I’d run from the images inside my own head, battling demons within me instead of on the battlefield. Being scared of someone or something is one thing, but being scared of your own mind, your own dreams, was an entirely different thing, and it took strength to lay down and risk the possibility of reliving old trauma.

Yet, it was inevitable, after everything that had happened. Therapy helped, so did the anti-depressants and anxiety pills I took each night. But the truth of the matter was, the memories of Purgatory were always there, and the guilt and shame never faded, it simply turned into a dull ache that never truly went away.

Running from Dean, I was sore and bleeding, and all I cared about was keeping as much distance between him and I as possible. I listened to the whispers of the monsters, making sure I was never too close.

Dean got out before I did, just two months after I ran, and it was only a few days later that I found the portal. I didn’t even try to contact Sam, because where Sam went, Dean went.

Instead, I changed my name and set up a life for myself in a small town up in the mountains of West Virginia. I got a job at a police station as a victim advocate, got an apartment, and never once looked back.

Quitting hunting wasn’t easy, and every once in a while I’d take a case close to home. But I typically stayed within the state, not wanting to risk running into the brothers on a hunt.

Over those two years, I slowly began to rebuild my walls. However, in a split second, it all came crumbling down again.

It was a Monday afternoon in October. A cool front had washed over the Virginias and Maryland, finally carrying a crisp, sweet wind to cool our skin from the sweltering heat of the summer.

I was walking back to the station from lunch, having ran to a sandwich shop a block away. I was chewing on my lip and thinking about a particular case when I saw it; the sleek black coat of the Impala.

I felt my stomach drop, and I felt like I would be sick. Surely it couldn’t be the brothers. Other people had this particular car, too. But my fears were confirmed when the door to the station opened, and Sam walked out into the wind, leaves scattering around his feet, Dean right behind him.

I was frozen with fear. All the progress I had made had diminished in a second. I wanted to turn and run the other way. I wanted to duck into the alley and wait until they were gone. But I couldn’t move. My limbs were suddenly planted and my body lost the ability to move as the man who had made my life hell for years and haunted my dreams stepped into the sun.

Sam looked around as Dean led the way to the Impala. There was nothing I could do as his eyes landed on me, the surprised look on his face making me wince, the fearful one on mine catching him off guard.

“Y/N?” He asked. I saw Dean stiffen at the sound of my name, and I suddenly regained the ability to move. I spun on my heel and rushed into the alley, hoping to make it around to the back of the station and slip inside unseen. But Sam’s long legs made it so he was faster than me, and no amount of sprinting could keep me far enough away. He stepped in front of me, and my eyes widened. “Y/N… I… You’re alive.”

I swallowed thickly, looking over my shoulder. I tensed as I saw Dean at the end of the alley, his face hard and jaw clenched as he met my eyes. I looked back at Sam, shaking my head and stepping around him.

“I have to get back to work,” I said, trying to push past him.

“Wait!” He said, gripping my arm. I flinched, and he let go immediately.

“Sam,” I said, looking up at him. He tilted his head in confusion at the look of defeat on my face. “Please.”

“I don’t understand,” he muttered. “Dean said you were dead. That you died when you were in Purgatory.”

“A part of me did,” I admitted. Sam’s face darkened at my words, and I looked away. “And if you love me, you’d stay away from me. For good.”

“I thought I lost my best friend, Y/N,” Sam said. “I can’t just let you go now, knowing you’re alive.”

“Sam, please,” I begged. “Please.”

“Why?” He demanded.

“Just let her be, Sam.”

My breath hitched in my throat, and I looked back over towards Sam. Dean had caught up to us and was standing beside his brother now, a dark look on his face. His stare was icy, and it sent shivers down my spine. I shivered when he licked his lips, eyes raking up and down my body and suddenly I was back in Purgatory, his predatory gaze sending me reeling to a time of pain and misery.

“Y/N!”

I jumped, realizing Sam had been trying to get my attention for some time now. I looked up at him, worrying my lip, tears filling my eyes. “Sam, I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what? Why did Dean lie? What the hell happened in Purgatory?” He asked.

“Dean didn’t…” I trailed off, rolling my eyes with a scoff. “No, I guess he wouldn’t tell you what happened.”

“Y/N,” Dean warned, stare turning deadly.

“Shut up, Dean,” Sam snapped. “Y/N, you can tell me anything.”

“No, I can’t,” I said, shaking my head. “Your brother will kill me.”

“No, he won’t. I won’t let him,” Sam said. “Now please, I miss my best friend. Let me help you.”

“You can’t help me,” I said. “Not anymore. Purgatory was shitty in itself, but Dean…”

I was suddenly pushed up against the brick wall, a yelp escaping me as Dean’s hand wrapped around my throat, his body pressed against mine. I shivered in fear, visibly shaking as his lips curled into a snarl.

“Dean!” Sam exclaimed, trying to pry his brother off me.

“What did I tell you would happen if you told anyone?” Dean hissed. I beat at his hands, trying to kick out at him.

“Dean…”

“I’ll kill ‘ya,” he said. “I’ll do it right now. Don’t. Say. A. Word.”

Tears trickled down my cheeks, and Sam was able to tear Dean off me, pushing him up against the opposite wall.

“What the fuck?” He yelled. He pushed off his brother, turning towards me, placing his hands gently on my shoulders. His voice softened then. “Are you okay?”

“I really need to… to get back to work,” I whispered. I was still shaking, and Sam’s fingers tightened slightly, almost as if he was trying to steady me.

“Can I come see you after work? I’ll meet you here and walk you home?”

I glanced over Sam’s shoulder towards Dean. His jaw was set, and he gave a shake of his head.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” I murmured. I watched a smirk grow on Dean’s face, and I shivered.

“I’m sorry. But I don’t care. I’ll meet you here, okay? At five?”

I nodded.

“Okay. See you then.” He turned slightly. “He won’t be coming, don’t worry.”

The brothers stared at each other intently, and I scurried off as quick as I could, clutching the brown bag in my hand to my chest, not trusting my hands not to shake.

It was my luck that they would end up here, out of all the towns and all the cases in the continental U.S., they had to end up here. There was one thing I was sure about; I wouldn’t be meeting Sam, nor would I be going back to work. I forgot all about my few belongings in the office, beelining to my car, readying myself to pack and be out of town by tonight.

***

I didn’t have much in terms of belongings. It didn’t take long to pack, and I had no set destination. If I had a set destination, I could be found.

I was taping up the few boxes I had, picking up a few odds and ends, figuring I would leave the furniture and have the building owner sell it. Just as I was finishing, three sound knocks were rapped on my door.

I froze.

I wasn’t expecting anyone, and I hadn’t made any friends since moving to town. No one would be coming here unannounced. No one except the Winchesters. They had their ways of finding where I lived. Sam probably asked around the station.

“Fucking Sam,” I muttered to myself. I pushed myself up off the floor, stalking to my front door. “So not cool.”

I unlocked the door, keeping the deadbolt in, before opening it.

My heart jumped to my throat.

“Dean?” I asked. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“You didn’t show up to your meet-up with Sammy,” he said. He glanced around my door, stuffing his hands in his pockets, nodding. “Simple and plain. It suits you.”

“Go away, Dean,” I said. “I have cop friends and I’m not afraid to call them. Just go.”

Dean laughed. “Please. We both know you’re not friends with any of them. Besides, what would you tell them? You know what will happen if you say anything.”

“Fuck off, Dean,” I hissed. I went to close the door, but Dean was quick to stick his foot out, wedging it between the door and the frame.

“Nuh uh uh,” he tsked. “Won’t you invite me in, little pig?”

I swallowed. “No.”

“Oh, but why?” He asked, smirking. “You scared?”

I lifted my chin, standing up straighter. “No.”

He chuckled darkly, bending slightly to meet my eye level. “I think we both know that’s a lie, little pig.”

“Get the fuck away from me, Dean,” I hissed. I kicked at his foot sharply, unwedging it, promptly slamming my door shut in the process, turning the lock. I backed away from the door, feeling under the small table near the front door for my gun.

I screamed as my door was kicked in, wood splintering off the frame. Dean laughed, stepping past the threshold, kicking the door closed behind him. It didn’t quite close all the way, but enough so Dean could slip the chain into its lock.

“Here’s Johnny,” he teased, smiling. My eyes widened, and I gripped the gun, ripping it from its confinement, lifting my arm to shoot. Dean moved quickly, knocking the gun from my hand, pushing me back against the wall. He thrusted forward, crashing his lips to mine in a sloppy kiss.

“Miss me?”

“Get away from me!” I screeched. “Help! Somebody please help me!”

I sobbed as he fisted his hand in my hair, bashing my head back against the wall.

“You fucking bitch,” he hissed. “Almost telling Sammy about our little roll around. What did I tell you, hmm? Have you told anyone else?”

My eyes were blurred from the tears. Somehow my nightmares were coming true. Somehow hell had shown up at my front door, rearing its ugly head and laughing as fear twisted my insides and made my head spin. What had I done to deserve this?

“No,” I said. “I haven’t told anyone. I won’t tell anyone. Please just leave me alone.”

He ran a hand down my face, thumb smearing my tears across my skin. “Oh, but I can’t do that. You disobeyed me. You made Sam skeptical. You must be punished.”

“No,” I cried. “Please, Dean. Please don’t do this.”

He gripped my hair tighter, jerking me down the hall, my fists beating against him the whole time, fighting, kicking, screaming. He simply bent down, picking me up, and carried me into my room. He threw me onto my bed, hands gripping my thighs as he flipped me over onto my stomach.

“Now, bad girls must be punished,” he said. He reached underneath me, fingers unbuttoning my jeans. I kicked back at him, my heel meeting the fleshy part of his thigh. He grunted, and I clawed away from him, but he simply pulled me back down. “Well, that just made things so much worse for you.”

He yanked my jeans down, throwing them somewhere in the room, hands tearing at my simple cotton panties. Tears blurred my vision, and I desperately tried to crawl away. I fisted my hands on the mattress, trying to somehow escape from his hold.

I cried out as his palm collided with my ass.

“Tell me, have you been with anyone else since me?” He asked. I sobbed, screeching behind clenched teeth as he hit me again. “Answer me, bitch.”

“No,” I said. He laughed. I hadn’t heard him take off his belt, but I heard the snap as he pulled it taut. “No, no, no.”

“Oh, yes,” he laughed. He brought the belt down, letting it smack against my bare skin. The sting radiated through my back. Dean was strong, and each time his arm was brought down, the belt would send another striking shot of fire through my body. I was frozen with pain and fear. Dean didn’t have to hold me down after a while. I couldn’t move. “This is for your own good, Y/n.”

I didn’t know how long he struck me. Over, and over, and over he striked, and I lost count after twenty. My hands were clenched in the mattress cover, tears soaking the fabric beneath me, clouding my vision.

I finally heard him throw the belt aside, and his hands curled around my hips, lifting my bottom into the air gently. He softly caressed my skin, and I jumped when I felt his lips touch the welts.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He rubbed my lower back slowly. “I’m so sorry.”

I sunk my teeth into my lower lip. I froze, not sure what I was supposed to do. I knew moving was out of the question. I was in too much pain to move. Confusion sunk into my bones as he slowly kissed up my back, until he was hovering over me.

He turned me slowly, gently placing me on my back, eyes looking down at me. He tilted his head, thumb wiping away my tears. “Hey, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.”

“Don’t cry?” I whispered. “How do you expect me to be okay with all of this, Dean? You broke me in Purgatory. You’ve haunted my dreams for the past two years. Then you do this? Just kill me and get it over with. Please.”

He shook his head, furrowing his brows. “I’m not here to kill you. I actually, believe it or not, came to apologize. But as soon as you opened the door I just… I don’t know what came over me.”

“Like I believe that,” I hissed. “Just get the fuck out.”

His jaw ticked, and suddenly his resolve faded. For a second I saw remorse, and now? Fire raged behind his leaf green eyes. I felt his whole body tense against me. I felt him… grow… beneath me.

“Fuck no,” I said. A rush of adrenaline coursed through me. I rolled away from him, landing on my back on the wood floor. I cried out as my raw skin made impact, but I pushed myself up quickly. Dean was up now, his eyes hard and piercing.

“Come here, little pig,” he snarled. I spun and dashed towards the bathroom. He leaped over the bed after me, but I was already inside, locking the door quickly. I heard shuffling, and I knew I needed to think fast. I spotted the window and yanked my robe off the hook, slipping it on. I stepped onto the toilet, pushed the window open, and peered down the three flights my apartment was up. I swallowed thickly, glancing back at the bathroom door. The doorknob was jiggling, and I knew he was picking the lock. Mustering up the courage, I hoisted myself up and swung my legs over. The door suddenly burst open, our eyes locking.

“Don’t you dare,” he said. I took a deep breath and looked down again. Just as he lunged forward, I let go, feeling the rush of air and my heart plummet to my stomach. My eyes were wide as I watched the ground rush up on me all too quickly. I tried ducking my shoulder to attempt to roll, hopefully saving my legs and head in the process, but I couldn’t quite get there. I felt something snap as I hit the ground, a sickening crunch sounding in my ears as I landed on my side.

“Y/n!”

That voice was different. That voice was angelic... kind. Sam.

“Oh my god,” he said. He bent down, hands cradling my face as he looked into my eyes. “Hey, stay with me. Are you alright? Jesus- of course you’re not alright, you jumped from a fucking window to get away from my brother. God, Y/n I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Why does he hate me so?” I whimpered before everything went dark.

***

“Should she be asleep this long?”

“Her body is healing. It’s up to her now.”

***

“Get the fuck out.”

“Sam… I don’t know what happened.”

“Don’t you dare say that. Don’t come up with these-these lame ass excuses. I saw what you did, and I have an idea about purgatory. Now, for the last time, get the fuck out.”

***

“She will stay with me.”

“And you are?”

“Her brother.”

***

I jolted awake. My body was on fire, my head pounding with a dull ache. I opened my eyes slowly, adjusting to the bright light above my head. A beeping sound came from my right, and a quick glance showed an EKG meter. A fucking hospital.

My shoulder was bandaged and arm in a sling. My knee had a brace on it. My behind felt raw as shit.

“Fuck,” I muttered as I tried to sit up.

“Y/n! Thank God.”

I jumped at the sound of a voice.

“Sam.”

“God, Y/n… I’m so sorry. So, so, so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” I told him.

“No, but I should have known. I should have done something. God, I can’t believe it.”

I sighed, fiddling with a loose thread on the scratchy blanket that was laid over me. I furrowed my brows.

“Sam… did Dean tell you what happened in purgatory?”

Sam swallowed thickly. “No. But I can guess.”

I nodded slowly. “He told me he’d kill me if I ever told anyone.”

“Have you?” Sam asked.

“My therapist,” I replied.

“A therapist?”

“Yeah. I needed one,” I said. “I was… broken when I got out. I was getting so much better, Sam. I felt like me again. Sure, I still had the nightmares sometimes but… I wasn’t always looking over my shoulder.” My lip wobbled as I fought back tears. “Damn him.”

“God, Y/n/n. I can’t believe it. It just seems so… not Dean,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”

“Sam, I know you mean well, but please stop saying sorry,” I said. He smiled and blushed.

“Sorry.” He cringed. I laughed.

“Stop it,” I told him, pushing his shoulder lightly. He laughed too, grabbing my hand. He kissed my knuckles.

“I’ve missed you,” he said.

“I’ve missed you, too,” I told him. “But I knew that where you went, Dean went.”

“I understand,” he said.

“Oh good, you’re awake!”

Sam and I both looked at the door, a plump woman in a white lab coat standing in the doorway. Her dark hair was piled high on her head, glasses pristinely balanced on her nose, lips lined with deep red lipstick. She looked like a T.V. doctor, not a doctor in middle-of-nowhere West Virginia.

“How are you feeling?” She asked. She checked my vitals and IV bag.

“Sore,” I replied.

“Your brother here has offered to take you home,” she said. I looked pointedly at Sam who shrugged sheepishly. “Look here.”

She shined a light into my eyes, checked my bandages, and determined that I could go home as long as I was supervised for 48 hours. I silently wondered where Dean was, hoping I wasn’t going to see him. If Sam was taking me home, who knows what would happen? Dean knew where I lived. But if Sam was there, perhaps he wouldn’t be stupid enough to try anything.

***

“Are you alright?”

Sam gently placed me onto the motel bed, careful not to hurt me. His brows were furrowed in worry and his lips were pursed into a frown. I let out a shaky laugh.

“No,” I said. “But I’ll get there.”

“Y/n, I’m so-”

“Stop it!” I scolded. “What did I say?”

“Not to apologize anymore?” He said slowly.

“That’s correct,” I said. I laid back onto the pillows, which were worn, but on my sore shoulder and back, they honestly didn’t feel too bad. “Now, mama needs to rest.”

Sam snorted. “Okay… mama.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t mock me, Samuel.” He raised his hands in defense.

“Okay, okay. Sorry, mama,” he said. “I’ll call Cas. He can heal you.”

I perked up at Castiel’s name. The gentle angel and I had been good friends. I heard whispers about him too, while in purgatory that is. I shivered at the thought of that place and…

No. I wouldn’t think about that now. I was safe with Sam. Surely Dean couldn’t find us here. Right? Sam would have taken measures to keep him from doing so.

“Hey, Cas. It’s Sam. Listen…”

Sam’s voice trailed off as he stepped outside the room, closing the door softly behind him. Suddenly, the room turned eerie. The air conditioner hummed loudly under the window, producing some sound in the empty room. It was confining. I shifted on the bed, wincing as my shoulder moved in an odd way. I adjusted my sling to a more comfortable position. I hated these things.

I sighed deeply, glancing towards the door again. I blew a piece of hair out of my eyes. Alone. It wasn’t an odd sensation to me. I had been alone for the last two years. But I had slipped so easily back into the comfortable familiarity that was once me and Sam. I had missed him so much. He was my best friend, my confidant. Being around him again was liberating. It lifted a weight off my shoulders.

Telling someone what had happened in purgatory, besides a therapist, lifted a weight off my shoulders.

Of course, Dean would kill me if he knew. But it felt good to get it out, not have it bottled up. Dr. Ramirez was great, of course. But she wasn’t Sam. Wasn’t a friend.

However, now that the room was empty apart from me, the only sounds of the air unit and the springs of the old bed creaking, I was left alone with my thoughts. Vivid images of Dean flashed before my eyes. Of purgatory, across the street at work, the alley, my apartment. Damn him. Damn him for abusing me so. Damn him for not caring. Damn him for giving me a false sense of hope when he spared a silver of remorse. And damn me for loving him.

Did I still? No, I didn’t think so. Not the Dean who hates me. Who hurt me and raped me and tormented me. Not that Dean. Perhaps the Dean who loved his little brother beyond comprehension. The Dean who would throw himself in the line of fire for a stranger. The Dean who sacrificed everything for the world, the world that was so cruel to him.

Fuck. Of course I still loved that Dean. It was like two separate fucking people. A Dean who would light up at the sight of pie and tell you everything about a band he liked simply because he wanted to share something he loved with you. A Dean who was so selfless, you would need to make sure he wouldn’t go off and get himself killed for absolutely no reason but to save a fucking dog. He would have one look on his face, and then turn to me. That look would turn cold. Those eyes, those beautiful eyes, would turn to ice in a split second. That voice that dripped of rum and sticky honey tore through my heart like daggers in ice. How could someone be so cruel?

A sob escaped my lips. I was so tired of crying. I hated crying. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand from my good arm. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I didn’t want to think anymore.

Luckily, Sam opened the door then. It made me jump slightly. Castiel was behind him. I grinned.

“Cas.”

“Y/n,” he said warmly. He walked over to the bedside. He rested a hand on my good shoulder. Cas wasn’t one for touchy-feely shit. But with me, he was always more comfortable with it.

“I’m going to heal you,” he said matter-of-factly. I gave him a nod, a light shining from his hand. A warmth filled me, starting from my head and reaching to the tips of my toes, and suddenly I felt better. I gave him a grin, which faltered at the look on his face.

“Cas?” I asked. “What is it?”

He gave a small shake of his head. “It’s… it’s a curse.”

“What is?” Sam questioned. He stood up from his seat at the small table by the window. I glanced at him.

“You have had a curse placed on you. An old one. I’ve seen it before, though. In heaven,” Castiel said. “I’m not sure why I hadn’t seen it before now. Perhaps since I hadn’t had to heal you before.”

“A curse in heaven?” I asked.

“It was designed by the archangels. It was to keep soulmates apart.”

“What?” Sam said. “Soulmates? Surely you’re joking.”

“No, I’m not joking,” Cas said. “And don’t call me Shirley.”

Sam furrowed his brows at that. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

“Okay, so a curse. What kind of curse?” I asked. “Who’s my soulmate?”

“The curse is complicated. It can only be placed on one soulmate, and the cursed mate would need to be an interference with a plan from heaven or God himself. ”

“What sort of interference?” Sam asked. Cas hummed.

“Y/n must have stood in the way of her soulmate’s destiny. Her path must cross with them, meaning that she would have altered the path chosen for her mate by heaven. The curse makes it so one of the soulmates hates the other for no particular reason. They can be downright evil towards them. Y/n’s soulmate, if she ever comes across them, may even want to kill her. The curse causes one of the soulmates to do terrible things to the other. They can act one way, and their soulmate walks into the room, suddenly they are filled with an unexplainable rage. There are times where the soulmate can feel remorse or even come to love the one who was cursed. However, the second they lie eyes on the cursed soulmate, their hatred returns.”

Holy fuck.

“If you don’t mind, Y/n,” Cas continued. “Would you mind letting me touch your soul? It should tell me who your soulmate is. I know every path for every human soul. I should be able to see.”

“I… I think I may know who it is,” I said softly. Suddenly my blood ran cold. It felt as if the temperature in the room dropped twenty degrees in a single second. Soulmate may want to kill me. They will hate me. Do terrible things to me. They are suddenly remorseful, but once again turn evil once they lie eyes on me. Fucking hell.

“Who?” Castiel asked. I looked to Sam, who was staring at the ground. I saw it dawn on him, saw the realization flash across his face. His head snapped up to mine.

“Dean.”

***

“Are you fucking joking?”

I flinched at his words. Dean stared- no, glared- at me from his chair. He was chained to a chair in the dungeon. “Precaution” Sam had said. Dean wasn’t too happy with it. I sat in a chair about six feet from him, right outside the devil’s trap. His lip curled into a snarl.

“I’ll fucking kill myself if this bitch is my so called soulmate.”

“I’ve already touched her soul, Dean,” Castiel said. “Just to be sure.”

“Okay? And?” Dean prompted.

“Not only is she cursed, but she’s your soulmate.”

“Fucking hell,” he groaned.

“The archangels placed the curse on her at birth. When they found out she was to be your soulmate, they cursed her in order to keep her from interfering with their plan to have you as Michael’s vessel. If she wasn’t cursed, they foresaw the two of you already together; married and two children.”

My heart ached. I could have had that? Instead, my soulmate had abused, raped, and threatened to kill me on multiple occasions. Great.

“Gag,” Dean said. He spit at the ground towards me. “You told them. You know what would happen if you did. You’re fucking dead.”

“Sam,” I said quietly. I looked up at him. He gently placed a hand at the back of my head in a comforting gesture.

“It’s alright,” he said.

“Now, there is a way to remove the curse. It is painful, and tedious, but it may allow you two to venture forth into a soulmate’s relationship.”

“Fuck that.”

“I can’t.”

Although said at the same time, all eyes turned to me.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Cas asked. Sam sighed.

“Cas, not now.”

“I mean I can’t be with someone who-who was so cruel to me. You don’t know the specifics of purgatory,” I muttered. I squeezed my eyes shut at the thought. My lip threatened to wobble. I sunk my teeth into it. “When this is done, I don’t know if I can be here anymore.”

“Y/n,” Sam said. “When this curse is lifted, the Dean who did those things to you will not exist.”

“It’s true,” Cas said. “The curse alters your soulmate in a way that they’re unrecognizable. It turns their personality completely sour, turning them into a new person. The Dean that will be shown to you when this is over will be the real Dean, the Dean you saw when you weren’t near him. When you’re cursed, it’s like he’s possessed by an alien body.”

“But it’s still his face. His hands. His… everything.” I shuddered.

“That was fun, wasn’t sweetheart?” Dean said. “I still remember how you felt. Tight virgin… Mmmm. Once I’m free of these chains, I may take you again. Maybe I’ll claim your ass this time.

“Enough, Dean!” Sam barked loudly. “Cas.”

“You ready, Y/n?” Castiel asked. I looked up at him, to Dean, and back again.

“Yeah, just one thing first-” I looked at Dean, right in the eye- “Go to hell you son of a bitch.”

Then Castiel’s hands were on the sides of my head, a blinding pain searing behind my eyes, and all I saw was black.

***

“Sam, how am I supposed to live with it?”

“You just do. It wasn’t you. It was the fucking archangels. They did this to her. Not you.”

“It was still… me. I just couldn’t stop it. God, I can’t believe I…”

“Hey. Stop it. I mean it, okay? You beating yourself up with it will not help you in the end. When she wakes up, she’s going to need us. Okay? She’s going to have to re-learn trust and-and love and learn to trust you.”

“If she wants to leave, we need to let her leave. I don’t blame her if she hates me. You heard what she said, Sam. She said she can’t. And I get it. I understand. I don’t want to put her through anymore pain, okay? She needs to live without fear and without pain and suffering. She’s a good, beautiful person inside and out. She didn’t deserve anything I did to her.”

“It wasn’t you!”

“It was, dammit! It was my hands, my body, my fucking words. God, Sam. We may have been cursed, but it was still me. Okay?”

“You heard Cas. It’s like you were possessed. It wasn’t you. Fucking get it through your thick skull.”

“Tell that to her then. If she believes it, I will. This is about her. Not me.”

I could register their conversation. Feel the dull ache in my head. Smell the faint smell of the lavender incense I used to like to burn. The issue was getting my eyes to open.

With heavy lids, I opened my eyes slowly, struggling to keep them open. The brothers stopped talking and I could feel them staring at me. I groaned as I sat up, rubbing at my temple.

“Hey, sleeping beauty,” Sam said slowly. “You feeling okay?”

“If you consider feeling like you’ve been hit by a train ‘okay,’” I said. “Fuck.”

I looked up at them both, Sam’s eyes warm and lips curled into a sympathetic smile. I forced myself to look at Dean. His eyes were focused intently on his hands, but I could see his jaw clenched and chest moving quickly as he took rapid breaths. His leg bounced repeatedly. He was nervous?.

He looked up at me finally, taking a deep breath, holding it a moment, before letting it back out. “Hi.”

“Hi,” I replied lowly.

“Should I leave you two alone?” Sam asked.

“No,” I said quickly. Dean winced, but I ignored it. Like hell I would be left alone with him. “Cas did it? The curse is gone?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, yeah it’s gone. Dean um… Dean’s fixed, I guess you could say.”

“Is he?” I asked bitterly.

“Y/n,” he said hesitantly. “I don’t have words. I can’t express how sorry I am.” I looked down at my hands. “There aren’t words to describe the guilt I have. I don’t know what to say or do. I’m just so, so sorry.”

I took a deep breath before responding. “At least I know why I loved you for so long.”

That clearly was not what he was expecting to hear. “W-what?”

“Before purgatory, when things didn’t… escalate… I loved you. I loved the you that wasn’t around me. I thought I was fucked up, loving someone who was so cruel to me. But now I know I couldn’t help it. You’re my soulmate. What are the fucking odds?”

His lip quirked slightly. “I… I loved you too. The me that wasn’t around you. It honestly was like two different… me’s essentially. I loved you, and every time I wasn’t around you, I told myself to apologize and fucking fix myself. But then I’d see you and… this anger just consumed me. I couldn’t understand why. And then in purgatory, being around you 24/7, it’s like everything was heightened. I just wanted to make you hurt.”

I flinched and his face softened.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Y/n.”

“No, I want to hear this. I want to understand what you were feeling,” I said. “Maybe it will help me… differentiate you from, you know… cursed you.”

He nodded before continuing. “Like I said, being around you constantly made everything worse. It was like the anger and hatred all heightened. So the night that I… hurt you… I wanted to cause you such profound pain. But I didn’t want to kill you. I think deep down, even cursed, I couldn’t bring myself to kill you. Although the curse hated you, I loved you. You were always so gentle and kind. You’re easily one of the smartest people I know. You’re beautiful and funny and innocent. I fell in love with you, and the curse despised that. It wanted to hurt you. And it did. And for that, I can not apologize enough. What I did… it’s unimaginable. I am so sorry, Y/n.”

We simply sat looking at each other for a moment. Sam sat uncomfortably beside Dean. He glanced between the two of us.

“You’re stressing me out, Sam,” I said finally.

“Sorry,” he muttered, looking anywhere but Dean and me.

I cleared my throat and fiddled with the edge of the blanket laid over me. “I… I don’t know what to say, Dean. I really don’t.”

“Don’t say anything, then,” he murmured.

“I want to forgive and forget. Lord do I want to forget. But this isn’t something you can overcome so easily,” I said. “I was so close to being fixed. I was so much better, but you showing up at my apartment and beating the shit out of me like that… it tore down the foundation I had built back up.”

“I had come to apologize,” he said. “And then I saw you and it all went away.”

“I know,” I told him. “It confused the fuck out of me, your fucking mood swing.”

He whistled. “No shit. It confused me.”

We sat in silence for another moment. I wasn’t scared per se, just uncomfortable. If he was “fixed,” I had nothing to fear. I knew I had nothing to fear from Dean now. However, I would never forget the malice and callousness he showed me for years. That night in purgatory was forever seared into my brain. That trauma and heartache and pain would live with me forever. It didn’t matter if he was fixed or cured or whatever the fuck you want to call it. It still happened. It was still at his hands. That’s not something to simply get over.

“I’m not asking for your forgiveness,” he said softly. “If someday you somehow find it in your heart to forgive me, then that’s your business. I don’t deserve it and I’m not expecting it. But maybe, if you’ll let us try, to start over, someday we could become friends.”

I swallowed thickly. “I don’t know, Dean.”

I watched his face flash with an emotion I couldn’t quite explain, before masking his emotions. “I understand.”

“Maybe,” I told him. “Don’t bank on it.”

Dean gave me a small smile. “I’m in your hands, Y/n. I’ll be here if you want. And if not, then I respect that.”

I yawned then and Sam stood slowly. “Let’s give her some rest, Dean. She’s had a long week.”

Dean nodded at his brother and gave one last look at me.

“I really am sorry, Y/n. I’ll live with this guilt until the day I die. I hope… I hope you find the happiness and peace you deserve.” He gave me a tight lipped smile and closed the door behind him, evidently taking all weight in the room with him. I let out a deep breath that I had been holding and rubbed at my temples. I laid back onto the pillows, letting my eyes trace designs on the ceiling in the dark of the room.

Sleep found me not long after, and no matter what knowledge I had now, or the safety that was Sam across the hall, I had no control of the nightmares that plagued my dreams and danced behind my eyes. Dean Winchester may have been cured. He may be himself around me now. However, what he did will forever live with me, and no angel cure or spell undoing will ever change that.

And so, I walked through the valley of darkness that were my dreams, and I battled the demons caused by the man who stayed down the hall from me. Yet I slept, knowing that what tormented me behind closed eyes was no longer alive, and the man who had broken through the chains around my heart all those years ago was back and in the foreground. Though I wasn’t sure what my feelings were towards him now, knowing that what he did to me was the result of an archangel curse, I did know that perhaps someday, once we tread through the tumultuous ground that was fear and contradiction, we may learn to live in peace with one another, even if he had loved me and hated me; even if I had loved him and hated him. Yet the most important thing, the thing that allowed me to rest, if not soundly, but at all, was the fact that he no longer wanted me dead, nor did he want my blood on his hands.

So though nothing was back to normal, and I didn’t plan on being around Dean anytime soon, perhaps I wouldn’t have to look over my shoulder anymore. Maybe I could finally find the solace and peace that I deserved. I think the world at least owes me that.

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shcherbatskya · 3 years

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A case in suburbia, domestic dynamics, and a forever home. What could go wrong?

the moment i’ve been waiting for! chapter one is up now! read here or under the cut.

Cas and Dean were searching for a forever house. They had been pretty much since Cas got back from the empty. They were ready to distance themselves from hunting. Dean had always wanted a sort of suburban, white picket fence life, even if he didn’t admit it to anyone. And since he already admitted how he truly felt to Cas, why not throw his need for a domestic lifestyle into the mix. Cas was all for it. Ever since Jack had given up most of his powers to Amara, thus causing her to take his place as God and him almost human, Cas had been hoping for a place to raise him like a normal child. The bunker was great for hunting and a place for Cas, Dean, and Sam, but not so much for raising a 5-year-old kid.

House hunting had been a burden to bear, but they were making out alright. Up till this, they’d looked at about 3 other houses. They were all a no for different reasons. The first one Cas decided was in a school district that wouldn’t be good for Jack, the second didn’t have a big enough garage or backyard, and the third didn’t have enough bedrooms for all of their family to stay. With the whole credit card scam they’d been running for as long as they remember, budget wasn’t really a problem, but they didn’t want something extravagant.

There it was, 538 Chapel Street in Pine River Crossings. It wasn’t too far out of Lawrence, only a few hours' drive, and all the houses looked nice. Very cookie cutter, but that was sort of the appeal. They couldn’t guarantee that they would fit in with the traditional, upper middle-class people, but what the hell, if they could kill god they could take suburbia.

A few days passed, and they were set up to look at the home. They drove the hour and a half to the next medium-sized town with the belief in their minds that this was the one. It had all they needed, a two-car garage, a respectable school district, and two guest bedrooms. They were so caught up in this concept they made the mistake of not checking the news for the nearby areas. Once they arrived, a realtor who showed them around the dwelling greeted them. It was all they could ask for and more practically too good to be true, especially for people like them. The actual presentation of the house went over without too many problems. The person exhibiting the residence commented on how it had been on display for almost a month now, which was the first red flag. A house as nice as this, in a densely populated area, would usually not be on the market for that long in weeks unless there was some hidden con.

They signed on it not a day after seeing the house in person. It was all set up and they could officially start moving stuff in the next week. They officially shared the good news with everyone the day after they signed. Sam was beyond happy for them. Not only would he finally have a space to himself, he was proud of his brother for living the life he’d always wanted. Jack was thrilled that he would get to go to actual school and have friends that were his age and not cosmic entities. In the meantime, Cas did more research into the neighborhood. There was their hidden con. The newspaper Cas had pulled up on his phone said, “Local Couple Murdered in Own Home.”

“Dean, look at this.”

Okay, that was a setback. A murderer on the loose in the neighborhood they were moving into was not exactly what he had planned, but he had delt with worse. “Alright, that could be a problem.”

“I think it’s a little bigger than a problem,” Cas retorted.

“Is it our type of thing or just something local law enforcement could deal with?”

Cas read on in the article, “the couple was stabbed, there was no sign of forced entry, neighbors reported nothing amiss besides lights flickering before the murder. The weapon, as well as the perpetrator, was never found. No official suspects have been labeled, everyone has seemed to have an alibi.”

“It definitely sounds like our thing. Lights flickering, no breaking and entering, and all.”

They decided they could pose as residents, as it seemed perfectly normal for the newcomers to be concerned about the literal murderer on the loose. Since Cas was newly human, and Jack was, well, 5, Dean thought they might need outside help. Being out of practice to spend more time with your husband and child really had its fallbacks. Sam was off the table as backup. He was out of town and Dean didn't want to interrupt his first weekend without him in god knows how long. Plus, they needed someone who wouldn't draw too much attention to their family dynamic.

“Hey, Cas, what do you think about calling in Claire to help us with this one? You think she’d do it?”

“Calling her in for help is a good idea, whether or not shed actually do it is another question.”

“I’ll call and ask, and if she wants to help, and if not then I can think of something else.”

He kept his promise and called Claire not an hour later. He decided it might be best not to tell her it was undercover work, or that it was taking place in a white picket fence neighborhood, as that might turn her off from it almost immediately.

“Hey Claire, its been too long since we’ve talked,” he started.

“Hi Dean. what do you want, there’s no way you’re just calling to catch up if you’re starting with ‘its been too long.’”

“You got me there. I was just wondering if you wanted to come with me and Cas on a hunt. Its not too far from the bunker and we’d have you back home in a week.”

“Sure, that works. When do we start?” She hadnt seen Dean and Cas since they rescued Cas. That was over a month ago, she’d been meaning to visit, but she’d been so busy with hunting, and getting to know Kaia again now that she was finally back. This seemed like a perfect opportunity to reconnect and not miss out on anything too big back at home.

“If you could come down here by Wednesday, that’d be great.”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you then.” She was tempted to sign off with an ‘I love you’ but she was never a lovey-dovey person in that way.

On tuesday she promised Jody she’d be extra careful and would be back in under a week. Kaia told her to make sure to call every day and update her on what was happening. Claire agreed, promising to keep in touch. She spent the rest of the day driving down to Kansas.

Back on Dean and Cas’s end, they were trying to get the house set up for 4 people when they had no furniture prior to this. Cas had always loved furniture shopping even before he had a use for it. When he worked at the Gas-and-Sip, he would browse the home improvement magazines in his spare time. Dean was pretty much the opposite. He had never had reason to care for it, so he didn't. Maybe his hatred for Swedish furniture was rooted in his deep-seated commitment issues. It didn't matter much why he hated it, he just left most of the choices up to Cas. there was then the issue of appliances and such you couldn't find in a furniture store. That was left up to him. Cas sent him out to Walmart to get things for the kitchen. That was something he could do. He picked out a mixer, some silverware, and a pioneer woman kitchenware set. It came with pots and pans, mixing bowls, and a few normal sized plates. That was enough for him to consider it an absolute steal. He brought his finds home to the bunker, setting them on the table designated for things that were to go in the new house. Jack was sitting on Cas’s lap, pointing at things on the computer.

“What’re you guys finding?” Dean asked, hovering behind Cas’s shoulder.

“Djungelskog!” Jack exclaimed, showing Dean a photo of a large stuffed brown bear.

“I thought you were looking for furniture?” Dean directed the question more at Cas, but he was still looking at Jack.

“We are. Jack just got us a bit sidetracked. We found the majority of what we need. Among other things not of as grave importance.”

Dean looked over the shopping cart and then gave the go ahead. Not before adding the stuffed bear to the cart, though.

The next day Claire arrived. Everyone was thrilled to see her. Jack ran up and threw himself around one of her legs and Cas gave her an awkward dad side hug. Dean wondered when he would tell her what the hunt would actually consist of, but he didn't want to interrupt the moment.

A few hours later, Dean fixed everyone a real dinner and had them sit down at the kitchen table. The realization dawned on him that this was going to be his last sit down meal officially living in the bunker. Everyone sort of just sat in silence for a beat. Perhaps reflecting on their own lasts of officially living there. “Claire, I sorta forgot to add this when I called you, but the case is a lot of undercover work. Also its in a suburban area.”

“And why didn't you tell me this sooner?”

“Well to speak freely, I wanted you on this case and I was worried it would make you not want to come.”

“It almost does, but i'm already here now, and i wouldn't want to waste a days driving on something i'm not actually going to do.” She guessed this would probably take longer than a week. “And i'm guessing this isn't just something you decided to do out of the goodness of your hearts?”

“We bought a house in the area, and we just wanted to make sure it was safe,” Cas explained.

“Hang on, you bought a house for real and you didnt even think to tell me? You didn't think that that was valuable information?”

“It didn't come up in our phone call,” Dean said.

“And? That’s no excuse to leave your daughter out of major life events!” The ‘daughter’ part just sort of came out without her noticing, but seconds after she said it she regretted it. God, how embarrassing.

“You’re right. We should’ve told you sooner. It was kind of a recent decision, though, so you haven’t been out of the loop for too long,” Cas said.

The next day was moving day. Dean loaded the appliances into the back of Claire’s car, since the back of the Impala was already full. Claire took her own car, while Dean, Cas, and Jack rode in Baby. Their real furniture was being delivered as they spoke. Cas offered to ride with Claire, but she assured him she’d be fine by herself. The drive wasn’t even that long, especially compared to the distance she drove yesterday.

Dean was silently nervous. He wouldn’t admit it out loud but it was written all over his face. His first real stable house, with the man he loved, and his two kids, he could only hope that he didn’t mess it up. Cas put a hand on his shoulder showing he saw how Dean was feeling.

They turned onto Chapel Street and pulled up into the driveway of the house. It somehow looked bigger and more daunting than it had during the walkthrough. Claire arrived almost ten minutes later. Everyone just sort of paused in front of the house for a minute, reveling in the stability most of them had never had.

#pspspsps you want to reblog my hard work sooo bad #supernatural #spn #castiel #dean winchester #supernatural fic #samael speaks #sammy sires

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sofreddie · 3 years

Text

Fricking Free

Summary: After a close call, Dean decides it's time to settle down into a normal life.

Characters: Dean x Reader, Sam x Eileen, Miracle (the beautiful floofy pupperz)

Warnings: 15x20 AU, Injury to Dean (but no death), Angst, Fluff, Pregnancy

Word Count: 2,239

A/N: A part 3 or epilogue of sorts to the Dog-Gone Witches and Pesky Portals mini-series. I combined them into one list since it's all connected.

Sam hissed as he pulled Dean's body off the pole of rebar that had impaled him, gently laying him on the floor of the barn. The wound was really bad. The rebar narrowly missed his spine and heart, but he was sure it broke through at least one rib and punctured his lung.

He knew he'd have to get his brother to a hospital immediately if he had any chance of saving him. With his last bit of strength, he hoisted Dean into his arms and hurried to the Impala.

Laying Dean across the backseat, Sam rummaged in his pocket for the keys before shutting the door on his brother and hopping in the driver's seat.

Dust kicked up as he sped off towards the nearest hospital. He kept glancing in the rearview mirror to keep an eye on Dean. He looked like he was passing out.

Other than subconsciously praying that his brother would be alright, only one other thought rang through his mind.

Y/N was going to kick both their asses.

Y/N parked the antique truck in the large parking lot of the hospital. Sam called her as soon as he got Dean to the hospital. She immediately took off to meet them, several hours away.

Sam shot up from the waiting seats in the hall outside Dean's room as soon as he saw her enter. He stood and waited for the yelling, but she rushed to him and crashed into his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around him. He was surprised, but grateful, as he understood her fear.

"He's in here," Sam said as he pulled from the hug and led her into the room. She walked through the door and her eyes landed on Dean in the bed. He was covered in bruises and bandages and so many things.

Her breath caught in her throat and she choked back a sob.

"Hey," Dean croaked with a small smile.

"You could've died," she blurted out in a whisper. She took several steps closer to him, speaking louder not but not quite yelling, "You almost died."

"I know," Dean rasped, "But I'm okay-"

She raised a hand to silence him, "I did not travel across the universe for you to turn around and die on a hunt Dean Winchester," she chastised, "You saved the world countless times. You've replaced God. You're frickin' free!" she huffed, "So be free Dean, with me. please," she begged, carefully taking one of his hands in her, tears streaming down her face.

"I can't handle seeing you like this. I can't handle not knowing if you're coming back. Please, please," she sobbed, dropping her head to his chest and holding him as carefully as she could.

Dean carefully draped an arm over her back, holding her to him as she cried. It broke his heart to see her like this. She didn't know, but Sam had had a similar conversation with him when he woke up.

He glanced at Sam then over Y/N's shoulder. His brother gave him an 'I told you so' look and Dean minutely nodded, looking back at Y/N.

"Okay," he said, brushing her hair back and looking into her eyes, "You're right."

He may never feel like he could completely quit hunting. But he trusted them and they both said he should. So he'd try. She was right. She was here, with him. After he had missed her so much.

It would be dumb to throw that all away. He almost died on that hunt. He swore to himself to never do that to her again.

Sam drove Dean and the Impala back to the Bunker, Y/N following behind in the truck. She was angry, hurt, scared. Sam hoped the drive back might give her time to calm down.

Dean was certain she didn't believe him and was gonna leave him. They all do eventually.

When they finally parked in the Bunker's garage, Dean was surprised to see Y/N there, helping him out of the car and offering to help him to their room.

Sam followed behind with their bags, ready to help if Dean seemed to falter. But he and Y/N seemed to make it to their room just fine. Sam set their things inside and helped Y/N get Dean settled onto the bed.

He still had a long way to go to heal. They were back to doing things old school. Just another reason not to take so many risks. This hunt made Sam realize that any day could be the last now. For real.

It was sobering. It made him want to seek out all the things he couldn't before because of the life, because of Chuck. He wanted that for Dean too.

Y/N sat on the bed next to Dean, taking his hand and Sam smiled.

"I'll just leave you two to it," Sam said, going for the door.

"Hey Sam," Y/N said, turning to look at him, "Thank you for your help, and for keeping him alive."

Sam grinned and nodded, "Always."

Y/N smiled then turned back to Dean once the door was closed, "You're gonna be laid up for a while," she sighed.

Dean swallowed hard, "Are you gonna leave?" he asked in such a small voice it surprised her, "Are you gonna go back home?"

She stared at him as if he'd grown a second head, "I am home," she responded, "I'm not going anywhere, Dean. But I am not above nagging and a little shoving and smacking if you put me through this again. I'd kick your ass now but looks like someone else did me the favor."

Dean laughed, taking in her playful smile. She called this home. She was staying.

"Now, do you want food or do you want to get comfy and watch some mind-numbing entertainment?"

"Pizza and Netflix in bed with you sounds fucking perfect," Dean groaned, letting his head drop back against the headboard with a lazy grin.

"On it, Babe," she responded, pecking his lips. Dean drew her back to him, reigniting the chaste kiss and deepening it. She pulled from the kiss and giggled, "Oh, no stud. You're out of commission for the time being," she patted his chest and he groaned once more, before taking off to set up for their relaxing evening.

Dean actually enjoyed the break he got while healing. Spending time with Y/N was just like back at her farmhouse. Except he was practically an invalid for weeks, Sam and Y/N having to help him with everything.

Now that he was healed, he was restless. He promised he wouldn't hunt, and he knew Y/N was still wary that he could or would even keep that promise. But he was determined.

Instead, he started picking up odd jobs around town: handyman, car repair, lawn maintenance. Whatever people needed, Dean offered a hand and started making a decent amount of money.

That's when the idea struck him.

If he could make and save enough money, maybe he could find a small home in the area. Maybe even a little farmhouse on the outskirts of town. Y/N would love that.

Suddenly, the apple pie life seemed attainable, tangible. So he turned to Sam for help with his plan. Sam was completely on board and started making all sorts of suggestions on how they could make the money: side jobs, part-time gigs, hustling, and selling a few non-dangerous artifacts from the Bunker.

Sam was certain they could make enough for Dean and Y/N, and for him and Eileen. Dean was over-the-moon when Sam told him he and Eileen wanted a home and to start a life.

Everything finally seemed to be falling into place.

Dean found Y/N in their room, folding and putting away laundry. He smiled at her, always loving the small moments of domesticity. They were new and refreshing and he didn't want to take any of it for granted.

"Hey, Babe," Dean caught her attention. coming up behind her and grabbing her by the waist as he placed a kiss on her cheek, "Can we talk for a minute?"

Y/N stopped what she was doing, turning to Dean with trepidation. She knew Dean wasn't a big talker. She nodded, giving him her full attention. He sat her on the edge of the bed and joined her.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking since that last hunt. You're right. It's time I left the life behind. It's time I focused on our future."

"Dean-" she interrupted, feeling incredibly guilty, "I'm sorry I said what I said. I know you hunt. I know that-"

He raised a hand silencing her, "I want to. I want a life with you."

She smiled brightly, leaning in and kissing him deeply with relief. Maybe they could have a simple, domestic, safe life.

"Rise and shine, Sweet Thing," Dean said as he swiftly pulled back the covers, revealing Y/N. She groaned as she wiped her mess of hair from her face to glare at him with barely open eyes.

Dean chuckled and pecked her lips before handing her a mug of coffee and sitting beside her on the bed.

"Why are you so chiper so early?" she groaned, "I thought that was Sam's thing."

He laughed again, "Well, I'm in a good mood and I'm really excited."

She raised a curious brow at him, taking a hefty gulp of her coffee to help her mind, "What's going on?"

"Get up and you'll see," Dean said, getting up from the bed and beginning to go through the closet and dresser, pulling out clothes for her. She decided arguing with this crazy person wouldn't get her anywhere, so she just went along with it.

Whatever it was, at least it made him smile so brightly. That tugged on her heart strings a bit.

She took turns getting dressed and gulping her coffee, trying to move as swiftly as her body would allow. Dean was practically vibrating in place, like a kid ready to go to Disneyland.

An hour later and she understood why.

Dean stopped the car at the end of the long driveway - practically a private road - to the charming yet dilapidated farmhouse in front of her. She climbed out of the car, her eyes taking in the property around her.

It reminded her of her own farmhouse in a way. Or it would if it wasn't so rundown and overgrown. That didn't deter her though. She wouldn't shy from a fixer-upper. Hell, her home was one too.

"I bought it," Dean said, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her middle. He rested his chin on her shoulder as they both looked over the house and property.

There was plenty of land. She could already pick out a few good spots for a garden. The property was surrounded by woods too, so there was a sense of privacy and quiet.

"I figured we could fix it up together," He said as he took her by the hand and led her inside, showing her around and telling her all the ideas he had for the place. Her face hurt she was smiling so hard so long, "Sam said he'd come by and help too."

"He's not coming with us?" she asked, wondering why Dean would leave his brother behind.

"He bought a house too," he grinned, "For him and Eileen. It's in town."

"Wow," she huffed a laugh, "So you really were serious. About leaving it behind? Building a life with me?"

"Yes. We can be happy here."

She looked around once more before settling on him again and smiling brightly, "I think we can," she agreed.

Y/N groaned as she placed the bowl on the floor, petting Miracle on the head with a smile. She stood up straight, a hand on her lower back for support, the other on her large belly.

She perked up, hearing a car pull up the drive outside. She opened the front door and went down on the porch, smiling in greeting at Sam and Eileen as they exited the car.

Sam reached her first, giving her a hug and kiss on the cheek. He rubbed a hand over her belly in greeting to the baby, before stepping aside for the women to hug and coo. They laughed, barely able to hug each other as their matching protruding bellies got in the way.

"Dean in the garage?" Sam asked and Y/N nodded with a roll of her eyes.

"Is he ever anywhere else?" she joked. She ushered Eileen inside, Miracle happily greeting them both.

Sam made his way to the garage. It was a large barn previously, but he and Dean had converted it. Sam smiled at the sign above the entrance: Family Business Auto Repair & Restorations.

With Baby and a few cars from the Men of Letters Bunker, Dean was able to showcase his skills locally - and eventually regionally - which allowed him to really take off with cars professionally. He always thought about it, but never thought it could be a reality.

After a quick hug and greeting, the brothers made their way back to the house. The four of them tried to have dinner together at least once a week.

The brothers stopped in the trek, spying the women sat on the porch chairs, sipping at lemonade. A pitcher and additional glasses sat waiting. Dean smiled at his brother.

"Living the dream."

Forevers:

@sis-tafics

@lyarr24

@calaofnoldor

@hobby27

@spnbaby-67

Dean Winchester:

@akshi8278

@jerkbitchidjitassbutt

#fricking free #dean winchester #dean x reader #sam x eileen #15x20 au #15x20 fix it #dog-gone witches #pesky portals

117 notes · View notes

lengthofropes · 3 years

Text

POVs series

Part 2: Sam

(Part 1: Cas is here)

----------

words: 3,3k | smr: Sam’s POV as Cas returned from the Empty | read on A03

rating: general | warnings: none I guess?

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I’ve never seen Cas drinking through a straw. I’ve never seen him having a milkshake either, but here he is. On the backseat of Impala, with Dean sitting next to him and laughing as hard as he possibly can.

“What is so funny?” Cas frowns at him, sounding sincerely confused. Dean can’t answer cause he’s literally choking with snickering. To be honest, yeah, this is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in years.

“You’re… you’re just slurping so loud!” Dean finally manages, wiping a laugh tear from his eye. "Cas, you gotta…” and he can’t finish the sentence because he's breathless with laugh again.

"I don't understand. Is this supposed to be a dessert?" Cas asks.

“Yeah, we can’t make a decent milkshake at home, so I thought you should try it here” Dean’s still giggling, but slowly calms down. “I know you like peanut butter with strawberry jelly, so maybe you'd like a strawberry milkshake too”

“Oh. This is too sweet”

And I swear Dean is slightly blushing now, I swear! This is even funnier than Cas slurping, but I’m holding back a smile cause yeah, this is too sweet.

“Yeah, umm… No, I just… I though you’d like it…”

“I like it, but it’s too sweet.” Cas looks at him and adds “The milkshake”

“Oh!…”

This time I can’t hold it back and just burst out with laughter.

“What’s so funny again?” Castiel is confused even more, I can see in a back view mirror.

“Nothing” - Dean to Cas.

“Shut up!” - Dean to me. But I just can’t stop.

“Gimme that!” - to Cas again, taking the milkshake from his hand and slurping even louder than Cas. "It's not too sweet it's just perfect!"

We haven't laughed like this for a long time, too long.

Through the months Castilel’s been absent, times were tough sometimes. Me and Dean, we had to sort out a lot of stuff, and believe me, it wasn’t that easy.

We talked about a lot of things, then. We started with the simplest.

What are we about to do now? Continue hunting? Get ourselves a decent jobs? Should we move somewhere else?

Move, huh. We weren’t ready to, at that point, guess we’re not ready still, not sure if we actually want to. Not sure, we know where to, how to, even. So many things have changed, we needed at least something to stay the same, stay solid for us. So we kind of… continued our usual routine in the bunker, with an exclusion of hunting for a while. We needed a rest. Probably, sticking up with the domestic stuff helped. You wake, make yourself breakfast, you eat, you read or watch movies, you make some calls, you exercise, you shower, you sleep. You do groceries, laundry, cleaning. You, being normal. Functional, pretty much. Slowly accepting your new world and the life you're now living. Like, piece by piece, understanding and acceptance comes.

Bunker felt so... I don’t know, remarkably unoccupied those days?

Weird, cause we used to live here on our own, sometimes for weeks. Sometimes even months. But now it was… I guess it’s just knowing, that this time someone won’t come back here, this knowing… it made it hard to walk those corridors. I missed Cas. I missed Jack, too. But… you know.

First month we stayed at the Bunker on our own. I mean, of course I went to see Eileen, it’s the first thing I wanted to do after everyone returned. I don’t even know how I can describe the feeling when I've read the message from her. I…

We were driving home. With Miracle, sleeping on the backseat. And Jack’s “I’m not coming home” still too loud in our ears. And my phone beeped. It was her. She was the first person we got a message from.

“Hey, Sam”

That’s it, “Hey, Sam” - and it’s easier to breathe. I remember, I couldn’t text her back, just kept looking and looking at my phone.

“Eileen?” Dean asked.

“Yeah… yeah. She’s… she texted”

I literally could add nothing to that. Dean just smiled, but didn’t say anything.

Rest of the road we called and called everyone, checking, laughing on loudspeaker, explaining, repeating the story about Chuck all over again. It was good. Those were the moments worth fighting for - hearing the voices of your family again. We were so happy, so relieved. And free, at last.

Next day the first thing Dean said to me, was that I need to go to see Eileen.

“Nope, now! Pack your shit and go! ‘Cmon, Sammy, do me a favor, huh?”

Not sure I need to explain the argument between us, cause I didn’t want to leave him alone. Or should I say, the argument inside my head between me and me, the one who cares about my brother, and the one who loves Eileen. But well, he insisted, he insisted hard. And I’d lie if I say, to see her alive and well, to finally hold her, wasn’t on top of my needs.

So yeah, Dean understood me even better than I did myself. He assured me, that everything’s gonna be fine, and he has work to do - go to the vet with Miracle and buy all the things we need to make the bunker a home for her, too.

I came back home in two days. Eileen went for a long trip to meet up with all her friends, and she promised to come to the bunker in few weeks. And stay for a little longer. Dean was pretty excited, though, even asked why the hell I didn’t bring her back with me immediately. So yeah, visiting her friends was a nice excuse to…

He needed time.

I didn’t tell him how heartbroken she was, when I told her Cas was gone.

He needed time. And I needed to stay close. Because even if I’ve lost my dearest friend, Dean have lost way more than that.

Dean seemed “normal”. Not sad, not unnaturally cheerful, not heartbroken, not… anything. And it was scary as hell. I didn’t try to talk to him. He didn’t try to talk to me. Geez, at that time, I didn’t even knew how exactly it all happened. How did Cas summoned the Empty? Why it took him? But I just waited. I just think it’s time, when…it’s time. Because one thing I knew for sure, something in Dean has changed. Changed very deep. And it wasn’t a grief, no, that was something else.

One morning I saw him looking at himself in a bathroom mirror. I just stood at he door, not to interrupt, cause the look on his face was… like he was examining himself, actually seeing something for the first time. Figuring, if he likes it or not.

So, I was there, and I was waiting for him to be ready to share. Giving him time and space.

Dean quit drinking.

He just stopped. I didn’t bring it to his attention, that I’ve noticed. It’s just one day I passed him a bottle of beer in the kitchen, and he mumbled something like “nah, I’m good”, and next day I saw him opening the fridge to pour himself some orange juice. And the next day, we were watching something, and I put a cold six pack on a table. He didn’t touch it. So I just quit offering.

I didn’t ask.

Now Dean is siting next to Cas on a backseat. Today, it’s been two weeks since Jack brought him back home, but Dean is still always around him, ready to catch him if he is dizzy again (yeah, it still happens sometimes), or he’s disoriented, or unexpectedly weak. Cas feels much better, though. But we constantly keep an eye on him. Well, I’d say I try to, but Dean doesn’t seem to let me, you know? Actually, it’s the first time he left the bunker in these two weeks. He rarely even leaves Cas’ room, though, maybe only when he cooks for him or goes to the library to grab another book. When Cas falls asleep, he walks out, and we usually talk in the kitchen or wherever.

When we go to sleep to our rooms, Dean doesn’t stays in his for long.

Two months ago he couldn’t sleep in his room, too, but the reasons were different. I remember constantly finding him in the morning, sleeping anywhere else but his bed. Face on the table in the kitchen, in the armchair in the library, on the couch in his cave. One time I’ve found him in the backseat of Impala in the garage. Dean used to drink himself to sleep, when times were tough. Now that he quit, he just stayed up until he passed out. No need to be genius, to figure he’s been having nightmares. No need to be genius, to figure what those nightmares were about. I still see the burning ceiling in my dreams, rarely, but yeah, I do.

And yeah, he told me he’s having nightmares. He told me not to worry about it, cause it’s a normal reaction, and it will pass.

What he didn’t told me, Jack did.

That day, I woke up and went to the kitchen to fill my water bottle and go for a jog. Jack was there. Just standing next to the fridge, drinking milk.

To be honest, at first I thought I was still dreaming. But then he raised his hand “hi” and I…

“Hi Sam!”

“Jack… is it really you? I mean… hey!” I’m not sure if I supposed to hug God but well, I did. And he hugged me back and for a moment it felt like everything is back as it used to be. As it used to be, yeah. Our kid drinking milk in our kitchen.

It was 6 in the morning, and I’ve had one of the most complicated conversations I’ve ever had in my life.

Jack told me everything. About the deal Cas made to save him. About the price of that deal.

About Dean praying to him every single night for the past weeks.

Jack was good, though, he coped very well with all his new responsibilities; hell is fine, Earth is fine, new Death is great, heaven is getting some renovations, and angels are finally calm and satisfied. The only problem is the Empty. Since he detonated himself in front of Cosmic Entity, he has no idea what was happening there. If Chuck was able to bring angels and demons from there, it changed, apparently, after the explosion, because the structure of the void has been damaged.

“Every time I try to reach it, it’s like I’m walking in the dark, like I’ve lost the path and I have no idea where I should go. I tried to summon the Entity, tried to open the portal - nothing works.” Jack looked concerned and dreary. “I don’t know what is happening there. I can only guess, everyone’s awake there. And they all are supposed to rest, supposed to sleep. If I made them suffer…” He looked at me with remorse in his eyes. “Castiel is there too. Sam, what if he…”

I felt sick. What if Jack’s right? What if all the dead angels and demons are going crazy in there? What if Cas sacrificed himself again only to suffer for the eternity?

“They all deserve to rest, and I need to make sure they are. And I want him back, Sam. I want my father back”

“Yeah… yeah. We all do. We just didn’t think it is somehow possible again”

“I’ll make it possible, I promise. I’ll keep trying. But I don’t know if I should answer to Dean’s prayers. I cannot fill him with hope, I need to make sure…”

“Yeah, you’re right. I don’t think he’ll be able to handle it, if we end up failing…”

“He probably thinks I’m an asshole” Jack grinned bitterly. “Or that I’m too busy, or I forgot…”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I didn’t pray to Jack cause I missed him too bad, and I didn’t think I’ll ever see him again. And about Castiel, I just understood it’s impossible to bring him back, the second everyone else have returned. If that were possible, Jack would bring him back with everyone else, too. I didn’t realise there may be a different possibility.

“You really think you can do this? Bring him back?” I asked instead.

“I have to. And I will” He looked at me, stubborn and determined. “I just need time”

I took a deep breath. That was heavy. Seeing Jack again, knowing the truth about Cas. Stay silent for Dean. This is not the first time I have been hiding something from my brother. But at least now it is more than justified.

Next week Eileen arrived, and things got a little better. Dean was very happy to see her, though, like, really glad. The three of us been spending a lot of time together, constantly chatting about everything, watching movies, cooking, even playing board games. What can I say? Eileen is a ball of sunshine, of course everything’s better in her presence.

And I knew Dean felt better, too. Since there were no news from Jack in weeks, I decided it was a good tactic, to keep the bunker filled with people we love. So, I called everyone, and the next month was full with friendly visits.

Kaia and Claire came first and stayed for few days, they were on a hunt in a town nearby. Then Jody and Alex joined us. They both took two weeks leave from work and decided to spend some of it with us. Gotta say, I was upset when they left. Not least because Dean stopped making delicious “special occasion” pancakes for breakfast.

Charlie and Stevie called. They were on a vacation too - just left to travel around Europe for a month. Yeah, good for them. They promised to meet up with us as soon as they come back.

Donna couldn't make it to us, cause she was too busy. Things were relatively quiet in Stillwater, but her deputy got sick, so she had to work a little harder those days. So me, Eileen and Dean went to visit her instead. Those were two good days, a lot of hugs and donuts and the latest police gossips.

The next stop was Garth's house, and Eileen was extremely excited to meet the whole werewolf family. Little Cas and Sam grew bigger and Garth warned us to be careful now with their teeth. Good point. We didn't stay for long though, just for dinner, but Eileen is now Gertie's bestie, and Gertie calls her "giant's girlfriend".

Not long after we got back to bunker, Bobby stopped by for a beer. He was doing well, too, same as all the rest of the survived refugees from the Apocalypse world. They all quit hunting and settled in Lebanon, living their lives peacefully. It was good to see him, all clean and calm. He deserved his retirement.

That was, actually, the exact moment I realised I don’t want to hunt anymore. I’m done. No more blood on my hands.

Yeah, there’s still a lot of things to hunt in this world. But I just don’t want to. But we’re still the last men of letters. Why not to become…a mentors? Turn bunker into headquarters again? We can’t just leave all the lore, all the knowledge here, untouched.

This thought has firmly settled in the backyard of my mind. Yes, we'll come back to this later, for sure. When we will figure out all the things.

A nice month, yeah. Then Eileen went to help her friends with a little ghoul problem. I must say, I’m still overprotective, but at least I agreed to let her go by herself, since she gave me The Look. Okay, three of them will be there, one ghoul. They can handle it. Besides, “Girl needs to have fun sometimes, Sam!” and yes, she needed some space. And she promised to keep me updated.

It was the evening I’ve received “All done! That was too easy, I’m disappointed. We’re driving to their place now, it’s couple of hours. Facetime you soon!” No, I wasn’t relieved, because I wasn’t worried, honestly! But still went to Dean’s cave, where he was watching something, to tell him the news.

“Hey, got a message from Eileen, she kicked that ghoul’s ass”

“Ha! I didn't doubt her!” Dean grinned at me, making a sound of the TV quieter.

“Yeah, she probably will be home in few days. Listen…”

I didn’t finish. Bright light filled the corridor.

“Sam. Now” I couldn’t even see his face, but Jack’s voice was loud and high with emotion.

“What?? Jack??” I screamed back.

“What is happening?” Dean ran out the room, facing the light in the hallway. “Jack?? Sam, what’s going on?”

“Sorry, I didn't have time to warn you. It happened all at once. Sam, I'm coming in, I found the entrance. I can do it, I know. Explain to him, tell him…” And he disappeared.

We were standing there, shaking in shock.

“What the hell is going on? Explain me what? Sam? The fuck is happening? Was that Jack?”

I wasn’t ready for this, it happened not the way I imagined. I though I’ll have enough time for this conversation. What was I suppose to do? Explain? How??

Dean was looking at me, eyes wide with concern. Okay, okay… just gonna tell it the way it is, calm and slow.

“Yeah, it was Jack…” And my mouth turned dry.

“….and?” Dean kept looking at me “Explain what? Sam, cmon! He was worried, goddamit! What’s going on?”

“Okay, okay… He, umm. For the past months he’s been trying to get to The Empty”

Dean was speechless. He turned pale.

“He couldn’t get there, he couldn’t even summon the Entity to talk. He thought it was because of the explosion. But he, umm, he kept on trying. He promised me he will keep trying.”

“He… promised you?”

“Yeah… He appeared here, a little more then a month ago. He…” It was hard to look into my brother’s eyes, but somehow, I did it. “Dean, he was trying to bring Cas back. All this time”

His expression was unreadable. Something between anger, fear, disbelief and shock.

“And you didn’t tell me…”

“Because he asked. Because he wasn’t sure how long will it take. He wanted to tell you, when he’s ready to do it. And I didn’t want to tell you too, because if we fail at this…”

“Okay, shut up” He leaned into the wall, all trembling, trying to calm his breath. “He said… he said “Now!” Does it mean… Sammy, what does it mean?”

There was a plea in his eyes. So much fear. And a plea.

“Yes.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “You've heard him”

Dean grabbed my shoulder.

“Sammy…”

The bunker started to shake - the walls, the floor, as like an earthquake.

“Sammy… the dungeon”

And we ran, as fast as we could.

So yeah, today we finally went to buy Cas some closes, although he seems to like all those Dean’s hoodies, he looks like an E.T., when he wears them.

Nothing extraordinary, just basic stuff like jeans and shirts and sweaters. Though Dean bought him a cowboy hat, and I swear I could hear quiet “Not again..” from Cas. But he scored with picking one of the world’s ugliest sweaters that I’ve ever seen - blue, with a giant yellow bee on the front. Dean’s face was pure shock when he saw that one, and he immediately put it out of the shopping basket, shaking his head. But the second Cas got distracted with his shoelaces, Dean put that ugly piece back and quickly went to the checkout.

Now he’s drinking strawberry milkshake in the backseat.

It’s a movie night tonight. Eileen makes popcorn.

#destiel fic #destiel #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #fieryfrankie #seraphcastiel #becauseofthebowties #casjpg #userdainty #holmesemrys #scottstiles #ugh sorry probably lot of mistakes and typos here:)))#I'm too lazy....dasdfghjkl #and there's a lot of missing pieces here. I saved some explanations for the further chapters ggggg:)#fic tag

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fanfic-corner · 3 years

Note

Hi! One of my best friends came down with a stomach bug and isn't feeling to well. Do you have any fluffy fic's I can recommend to them? Thanks!<3

Oh, I’m sorry, I hope your friend gets better soon! These are just a few of my favourite fluffy fics, including some sweet Christmas related ones. Hopefully this is enough to keep your friend entertained until they get better!

Now Everything is Easy 'cause of You by chai_lattes on AO3. (1,353 words).

Tags: Post-Canon, Domestic Fluff, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Jack Kline’s Parents, Fluff, Sharing a Bed.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Cas reflects on being human, being happy, and being a morning person.

absurd in the best way by clasch (@good-things-do-happen-dean) on AO3. (669 words).

Tags: Fluff.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Castiel tries to make a pie for Dean.

Snow Place Like Home (But My Home Is With You) by almaasi on AO3. (47,814 words).

Tags: Alternate Canon, Christmas, Domestic Fluff, Sam Ships It, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel’s First Christmas, Bed & Breakfast, Sharing a Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Smut, Marriage Proposal, POV Alternating.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: It’s Christmas Eve, and Dean, Sam and Castiel are snowed into a small town with a big festive spirit. They splurge on a fancy room in a B&B – hey, they deserve a treat. There’s a tiny plastic tree and a working TV, so they could perhaps overlook the lack of hot water and Dean having to bunk with Sam. Sleeping arrangements soon reach a happier equilibrium: Dean’s just cuddling Cas to keep him warm, he swears – the tingly feeling means nothing! Christmas Day arrives, and Cas still doesn’t have a gift for Dean. Dean doesn’t know what to give Cas, either. Sam has a few ideas, but will the other two truly understand what he means?

The Story of You and Me by the_diggler on AO3. (54,935 words).

Tags: Romance, Fluff, Domestic, Future Fic, Amnesia, Sexual Content, Bottom Castiel, Switching, Tattoos, Case Fic, Thriller, Drama, Angst, Surprise Pairing, Season 8, Canon Divergence.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Dean wakes up in bed next to a very human Castiel, and a journal in his own handwriting that tells him it’s two years in the future. The house looks a lot like Bobby’s, and Sam lives there too… He just can’t remember how they got from angels falling in the sky – to comfortable domesticity. While there is much in the journal Dean doesn’t remember, there is much of their story he’s always known. And as he settles into the routine of his new life and relationship with Castiel, it quickly becomes something he doesn’t know how to live without.

Boneless Wings by PallasPerilous on AO3. (4,333 words).

Tags: Crack, Wingfic, Domestic Fluff, Angelic Lore, Canon Compliant, Dean Winchester is So Done, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: For those of you perving along at home, Dean could absolutely provide a list of the hundred or so ways that having a boyfriend with giant fucking actual wings is super hot and/or awesome. This is not that list.

The Tea is Decaf by mnwood on AO3. (3,673 words).

Tags: POV Castiel, Fluff, Sign Language, Castiel in the Bunker, Canon Compliant, Sharing Clothes, Asexual Castiel, Gentle Dean, Non-Explicit Sex, Domestic, Established Relationship.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Based on this text post from thebloggerbloggerfun: “Listen, imagine Eileen sneaking out of Sam’s room at night to go to the bathroom or something and steps out into the hallway in one of Sam’s shirts only to see Cas trying to quietly leave Dean’s room while wearing one of Dean’s shirts and they both just stare at each other awkwardly for a few seconds before trying to muffle quiet laughter and now they have a late night club where they talk about life and gossip about the Winchesters in sign language"And this anon I received: "what if Eileen and Cas discover there are some things Sam and Dean both do in bed because Dean jokingly gave Sam pointers when they were younger and Sam took the advice”.

The Angel Cake Challenge by almaasi on AO3. (8,132 words).

Tags: Canon Universe, Fluff, Romance, Team Free Will 2.0, Day At The Beach, Mistaken For A Couple, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Food as a Metaphor For Love, Public Displays of Affection, Pet Names, Endearments, First Kiss, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Closeted Dean, Coming Out, No Prior Knowledge of Good Omens Needed.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: There’s a kooky gay couple sitting in this little beachside bistro, at the table next to Dean. Dean’s biggest mistake was telling them they looked cute together. Now they’ve noticed Cas, and they’re silently encouraging Dean to be as openly affectionate as them. Dean didn’t sign up for this challenge. But now? Hell, he’s in it to win it.

Once Upon a Time in a Disney Store by noxsoulmate on AO3. (23,237 words).

Tags: Disney, Castiel Works in a Store, Uncle Dean, Mary is Dean’s Niece, Fluff, Adorable, Awkwardness, The Little Mermaid, Christmas Fluff, Meddling Kids, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Marriage Proposal, Prince Dean, Prince Castiel, Weddings, Ice Skating.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: When Castiel Novak gets sick and loses his voice for a few days, he comes up with a clever trick to explain his lost voice to the kids in the Disney Store he works at. One little Mary Winchester, however, takes his note too serious and promptly starts a quest for his prince. Will her charming uncle be able to break the curse and be his one true love?

#ask and you shall receive #fic recs #destiel #ineffable husbands #fluff #spn #fanfiction

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msmarvelouswinchester · 4 years

Text

Stranger

Betrayal

Summary - Dean Winchester rescues you from the Djinn. Some hard truths are learnt when you wake up and find him arguing with his brother.

Pairing - Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings - Fluff-ish, Angst, too much angst, Swearing, Verbal Altercation.

Word Count - 2.1k+

Square filled - Domestic!AU ( @spndeanbingo )

A/N - Thanks to @miss-nerd95 for giving this a once over because I was nervous that it got too dramatic (damn you Bollywood)

This is also a submission for @winchesterxfamilybusiness' Make Me Swoon Challenge. Prompt is in bold.

Series Masterlist

“Are you sure this will work?” Dean hesitated.

“Well, we gotta try and we have to hurry. Clock’s ticking,” Sam said, as Dean swallowed the herb.

Five hours. That's how long you were unconscious. Dean had carried you back to your room, placing you gingerly on the bed. His heart clenched at the sight. You were home, but this was not how Dean wanted things to go. He had pushed you away in hopes you will be safe from the supernatural but the universe had other plans.

Dean wouldn't admit, but he was terrified at the thoughts of invading your dreams. ‘What was your happily ever after?’ That question was haunting him. The Djinn always lets you see your heart's desire and Dean was scared to find out the answer to that, but he had to take the step because this was the only way you could be saved.

Sam had agreed to take the African dream root, but the older Winchester had stepped in, saying, “She's in that state because of me. Let me take those.”

The herbs worked their magic and soon he found himself in your dream.

“Happy birthday, baby,” your husband wrapped his arms around you, “I have plans for tonight.”

“What about the kids?”

“I have asked your Mom. She will take them for one night. The kids are excited to spend time with their Mee-maw and Paw-paw,” Dean said.

“Hm, I see you have planned everything,” You smirked.

“Uh-huh. Down to every last detail. Even the things I will do to you in bed tonight,” Dean’s eyes darkened at the thought, “I bet you never got such a gift. You won't be able to walk properly for weeks.”

“I may or may not have a return gift planned for you too,” you winked, “something I bought from the Victoria Secret.”

“Fuck me,” Dean breathed out.

“Gladly,” you said, “but you gotta wait till tonight.” You gently patted his chest and walked over to the kids’ room to get them ready for the evening, unbeknownst to the fact that the real world Dean Winchester was watching the whole interaction with wide eyes, heart breaking into a million pieces.

“Y/N,” you saw your husband jogging up to you, with horror in his eyes.

“What? Baby, you okay?” You asked, your movements coming to a halt. Dean's breath hitched as he heard you call him ‘baby’. “Okay honey, you're scaring me. What's wrong?”

“This-this is not real Y/N,” Dean said.

“What?” You chuckled.

“This is all a dream. You need to snap out of it,” Dean insisted.

“What is this? Some kind of stupid prank?” You crossed your arms, “I gotta go check on the kids honey.”

“Kids?” He frowned.

“Yeah right, Mister. What, next you're gonna ask me if we are married or not?” You said, clearly getting annoyed.

“Marr-wha-no….Y/N, y-you don't understand. This is a dream. Y/N/N, you are dreaming! You don't have any….kids.”

“Dean Winchester, don't you dare say that,” you crossed your arm and gave him a once over.

“Sweetheart, you gotta believe me! I know this all seems a bit strange but your husb-that Dean i-is not real. He is just a figment of your imagination. I-I'm real,” he pleaded.

“Did you hit your head somewhere, honey?” You were now genuinely concerned about him.

He shook his head and grabbed your hands, dragging you back to the kitchen. You cocked your head in confusion as you kept looking at Dean rummaging through the closet.

“Dean! If you dare to mess up my kitchen, I'm gonna kill you,” you warned. He looked at you and grabbed a knife and made his way towards you. “Dean? Babe, what is it?” You asked with the frown on your face deepening at his actions.

“See, I-I can show you this is not real,” he said and stabbed himself in the chest

“Stop it Dean!” You gasped in horror, “Wha-”

“I'm not dead! I am not even bleeding. Look at this,” Dean exclaimed. You looked down to see the knife sticking out of his chest but he was alive and there was no blood.

“What? I-I don't understand. This is not-all this while I-I've been dreamin’. But it all felt so real. How can this be….De, what's happening?” You were on the verge of a mental breakdown.

“Sweetheart, listen to me carefully. You are in a Djinn-poison induced dream state. They mess with your head. I know; I've been there.”

“Djinn?”

“I'll explain everything but first you need to wake up, Y/N/N,” Dean begged.

“How?” You cried out.

“You need to kill yourself,” he said.

“What?”

“Yes. If you kill yourself in your dreams, you will wake up. Now come on,” he said and handed you the knife.

“You sure?”

“Do you trust me?,” he asked you.

You were frightened and confused but you believed Dean. Nodding your head at him, you took the knife and looked at Dean one more time.

“It's gonna be fine. Trust me, sweetheart.”

Your heart was beating loudly against your chest as you tightened the hold on the knife. You sucked in a breath as you stabbed yourself in the stomach.

Gasping loudly, you sat up straight in the bed.

“Y/N,” your eyes met with Dean’s worried green ones.

“Dean?” You asked, your head filled with various questions. Dean pulled you into a tight hug.

“I-I thought I lost you sweetheart,” he croaked, burying his head in the crook of your neck.

“It's okay. I'm here,” you looked around, “where am I?”

“In the bunker,” another tall man came into the room and said.

“Who-who are you?” You asked, as Dean let you go, “I-I'm so confused. What happened? Dean, how did you-I was….was I married?”

“Y/N you….uh-you were attacked by a Djinn. They are supernatural beings and we hunt them,” Dean said, “you were in a dream state and you dreamt of things like….m-marriage and uh-kids. Djinns usually show you your heart's desire.”

“Are you kidding me? You hunt them? You hunt monsters? What next, are you gonna tell me that Drac is real? And he runs a hotel for freaks in Transylvania?”

“I know it's a lot to take in but it's true, not the Dracula part but me and my brother, Sam, we hunt them. Vampires, werewolves, ghosts, everything is real,” Dean said.

“Sam?” You looked at the other man in the room who was staring at you silently.

“Hey,” the man who was standing patiently at the foot of the bed, cracked a smile at you.

“What is this place?” You asked.

“This is the bunker. Our home, workplace, everything,” Sam said, “You also-”

“You should take some rest now,” Dean interrupted his brother, getting a side glance from him.

“S-sure but why didn't you tell me about this the night we met?”

“Our job is not a conventional one. We can't go around, telling everyone that monsters exist,” Sam said, “It's better if people don't know about things like this.”

“Okay,” you looked around the room again, fear seeping into you which faded quickly as Dean placed his warm hand on yours, giving it a small squeeze of reassurance.

“You're safe here, sweetheart,” Dean gave you a chaste kiss on the forehead.

“I never thought I would meet you again.” Your heart fluttering in your chest at his touch.

“Neither did I.”

“Thanks for saving me. Thanks to both of you,” you said, and the brothers smiled at you before stepping out of the room to give you some privacy.

Even though you were living in a dream for the past few hours, you were exhausted so sleep came easy to you.

You didn't know how long you were asleep before you were woken up by some muffled screams coming from outside the room.

Your ears perked up when you heard Dean's voice.

“No I can't!” He yelled.

“You have to tell her, Dean!” The other voice, probably Sam’s yelled back. You winced as you got up from the bed and went out of the room, the voices getting louder and clearer. Your whole body screamed in protest with every step you took.

“I-I can't,” Dean let out a defeated sigh.

‘What are they arguing about?’ You wondered as you finally made your way towards the brothers. The halls of the bunker felt oddly familiar to you.

“Do you think she is safe like this? She is a huntress Dean!” Sam exclaimed, “This-this is her home. She doesn't even remember the bunker! She doesn't remember me!”

“What am I supposed to say?” Dean asked.

“The truth!”

“She won't believe me and telling her the truth means sucking her back to this goddamn stupid life!” Dean shouted at his brother, “And I won't let that happen.”

‘Were they talking about you?’ You wondered and moved closer to the brothers.

“How can you be so selfish, Dean? You are only thinking about yourself! You are not the person I looked up to as my brother!” Sam shoved his brother hard.

“Well people change with time,” Dean said in a bitter tone, “and how is it selfish? I won't let her die because of me.”

“They do, but their feelings remain the same amd you're scared. You still love Y/N and it would be stupid if you let her walk away!” Sam scoffed. Your eyes widened at Sam's words.

“You don't understand,” Dean gritted out.

“At least she will understand!”

“No she won't! She was married in her dream - she had kids; that's her happily ever after! Not with me-”

“She was married to you, Dean!” Sam retorted, “that's her happily ever after - with you. With us, in this bunker. She is family and we don't give up on family then how could you push her away? Don't do anything that you will regret later on. This is probably your last chance to fix the mess.”

“I-I can't. She is gonna hate me. It's better this way. It's not like she remembers being married to me,” Dean mumbled.

You gasped in shock grabbing the attention of the brothers.

“Married?”

“Y/N?” Dean asked.

“I thought I was only married in my dreams but I-we were married?” You asked him.

“I-uh….Y/N you should go re-”

“Don't tell me to go and rest!” You exclaimed. Dean glared at his brother, taking a deep breath.

“Stop running away from the problem for once,” Sam muttered in a low voice but loud enough for his brother to hear him.

“Y/N, you are….we are married,” Dean said, squeezing his eyes shut.

“But I don't remember it. Dean? Sam?” You gulped.

“How can you do this, Dean Winchester?” You asked, your blood boiling in anger.

“I did it to protect you,” Dean calmly stated.

“Great fucking job with that because last time I checked I was almost monster food!” You shouted.

“You don't understand!” Dean retorted.

“Then make me, asshole!”

“You got almost killed, because of me! I almost killed you!” He yelled.

“Shut up! Just fucking shut up!” You said, as you sat down in the chair, trying to wrap your mind around the new facts you just learnt. You were married to Dean Winchester. You were a huntress. Then what about your friends, your job, your life in Idaho? What was true? You didn't know what to believe.

“Y/N, sweetheart, say something. Please.” Dean begged.

“I'm not your sweetheart, Dean. You lost the right to call me yours the moment you took a life-changing decision for me and pushed me away,” you said, tears forming in your eyes.

“I-I….I did it to protect you. You mean everything to me,” Dean said.

“Then why did you push me away? Why did you erase my memories? We could have dealt with this together. Why, Dean, why? I can't even hunt anymore! I don't even remember the basic ways to protect myself. You made me helpless. Tell me Dean, how did you protect me?” You asked. Dean kept quiet.

“Y/N, maybe we can fix it. Maybe Cas can fix it,” Sam said, who all the while stood in the war room as a silent observer.

You scoffed, “I don't-I don't even remember Cas. Great job, Dean! Great fucking job! You think you are so great, trying to protect me, but all you are a selfish asshole. You destroyed my life, Dean. Destroyed it! Congratulations, Winchester!”

“I thought-”

“From next time, don't think because your thoughts always destroy something good just like it destroyed us!” You were angry and sad. You couldn't believe Dean could do such a thing.

“I loved you, Y/N, I still do and I-”

“Well newsflash Dean, I don't love you anymore,” you scoffed, “Because in case you didn't know, I don't even remember us - what we used to be.” Turning on your heels, you went back to your room, leaving behind a heartbroken Dean Winchester.

Let me know if you want to be tagged in this!

Feedback is highly appreciated!

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animation-recaps-by-sean · 3 years

Text

Adventure Time Distant Lands: Obsidian Recap

An old foe forces Marceline and Bubblegum to confront their past. Spoilers below.

That’s more like it! Maybe it’s because it’s actually about characters I care about, or the writing better. But this was so much more enjoyable than BMO.

The special begins with the never before seen glass kingdom, celebrating the defeat of the evil dragon by the legendary hero, Marceline! A young glass boy (voiced by Amethyst voice actress Michaela Dietz) with a crack is really into the story. The others mock Glassboy for his crack. He learns that the ancient forge used to heal cracks but that’s where the dragon is sleeping after Marcy’s song. To no one's surprise, he awakens the beast and drops the key running away.

The others shut the door but it would hold for long. Glassboy runs to find Marceline. After a fun cameo by Choose Goose, love Choose Goose, he finds the Candy Kingdom and hears Simon singing about Marceline. It’s kind of weird he’s singing that tragic song about losing his mind from “I Remember You’ at karaoke, but it moves the plot forward.

Simon takes him to Marceline’s where she is hanging with Bonnie doing domestic couple stuff. It’s really nice to see these two so open about their affection. When they are told about the problem, they head out. Simon is attacked by three goons that the dragon mabe with it’s… spit I guess. They’re sentient enough to ask about Marceline.

PB and Marcy arrive at the kingdom and nobody believes that she’s the real Marcy since that was hundreds of years ago. I guess PB and Marceline forgot to tell them about the whole immortality thing.

So it turns out the song to beat the dragon, was just a break up song for Bonnie back when they broke up. Also it was really weird seeing Marceline’s season one characterization, but good continuity. So she sings that old song which makes PB uncomfortable especially when the glass citizens put two and two together.

But it doesn’t work so Marceline tries to write a new angsty song but it doesn’t do much. So while Bubblegum tries to trap the dragon with her shield, Marcy runs off to where she was hurt the most.

PB uses her elemental powers along with her scientific knowledge to come up with a plan. It’s a nice bit of character growth. Meanwhile, we see Marceline’s past. Her mother sent her to a nuclear bunker so she wouldn’t see her die of coughing blood disease. At first, I thought this was a bad idea considering how this messed up Marceline, but she did leave Marcy a message, even if she didn’t get it for a thousand years. And waking up next to a corpse would all so mess up a child. So this is mainly on Abadeer for not raising his daughter.

Marceline realizes that she can’t go back to who she was before. But those weird minions guys show up and smash her base. Marcy doesn’t take this well. Meanwhile, PB is trying to use her root beer powers to trap the dragon. It doesn’t work.

Marcy returns and admits she’s not the same person anymore and she can’t repeat her angry feelings back then. She, PB, the dragon, and Glassboy end up in the forge, when the glass people put the shield on max, causing it to become unstable. PB wonders why she even has this setting. Marceline and Bonnibel discuss how far they come and marcy sings a song to Bonnie. This causes the dragon to think about his own life and he transforms into a weird cat dragon thing. Okay, I like the idea, love the song, but I really hate the post transformation dragon. It just looks goofy. It flies away. And Glass princess was cracked in all the commotion

It turns out that every glass person has a crack of some kind. As yes, there is a butt joke. Simon drives up with a significantly older Finn and Jake’s granddaughter Browyn. Jake is nowhere to be seen adside as a tattoo on Finn’s chest. ‘Together Again’ is supposed to be about Finn and Jake rediscovering their brotherly bond, but Distance Lands are missing with the timeline so who knows what happened to him. Also Finn is wearing nothing but a towel which he loses. He is way too comfortable being naked around everyone. I get weird vibes from him.

The episode ends with PB meeting Marcy at her concert, where she throws her shirt in the audience where Bonnie gets it. This special was great. Glassboy was a little obnoxious but he was mainly for Marceline to see how far she’s come. It must be great for the crew to write about these two as a couple after only being able to only use subtext. I admit that this wasn’t my ship back watching the show, but I understand how important to both fans and writers. Love wins.

4/4

#adventure time #adventure time spoilers #bubbline #adventure time distant lands #adventure time distant lands obsidian #atdl obsidian #cartoon network #hbo max #animation recaps by sean

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deanwanddamons · 3 years

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My 2K Celebration Masterlist

This is the Masterlist for all the wonderful entries I have received for my 2K followers celebration. Thank you to everyone who submitted. I still have some more to come in, so I will be adding them as I receive them. Dean also loved reading them, and he hopes you enjoyed his comments! He was hard to control, but I think I reigned him in!

Entries under the cut.

Don’t Tell The Elf - @little-diable - Summary: Dean always gets rather distracted as he’d watch lotr with the reader, turning it into a metaphor of their own. Warnings: smut, 18+, unprotected sex, oral (male receiving)

Miracle on 34th Street - @jawritter - Summary: Time doesn’t heal all wounds, sometimes it just drives them into our bones and festers there, until forgiveness is a four letter word, and it’s to late for second chances. Warnings: Language, fluff, mentions of past heartbreak, multiple viewpoints, I think that’s about everything for this one. It’s pretty much flooff lol

Way Down We Go - @smol-and-grumpy - Summary: Watching an online concert with Jensen. Naked. I don’t know how to summarize. Warnings: NSFW, oral, fluff

No Place Like Home - @missjenniferb

Always Remember Us This Way - @deangirl93 - Summary: Maintaining the facade of a normal life while hunting was harder than Dean had imagined. Warnings: Swearing, Some fluff, Smut: Brief dry humping, Dirty talk, Unprotected sex (wrap it up before you tap it, people), ANGST, Tears, Sadness, Dean’s self deprication rears it ugly head.

Perfect - @thinkinghardhardlythinking - Summary: After a hunt Dean and Y/N are forced to have a conversation about their relationship. Warnings: Angst. Flangst. There are allusions to abuse and bad relationships/domestic violence in the Reader’s past. I’d say it’s not really explored but consider this a potential TW anyway. Show level violence. Anger.

Composure - @katelynw93 - Summary: Dean and (Y/N) take their shot at a normal life and settle down. Over the years, they have a few kids. Things are good. Until they’re not. What will Dean do when his past comes back to put an end to his happily ever after? Warnings: ANGST! Descriptions of blood. Mentions of breaking and entering. Kidnaping. Show level violence/outbursts of anger.

Work Perks - @wonder-cole - Summary: None. Rating: M for Mature

Constellations - @there-must-be-a-lock - Summary: None. Warnings: Smut. Incredibly fluffy smut.

Lie To Me - @jensenswinchester - Summary: The classic truth spell trope with a wicked twist. Warnings: Dean’s an asshole. Angst makes the world go ‘round. Insecurities briefly mentioned. Did I mention Dean’s an asshole? Fluff if you squint.

I’m Done Being Scared - @waywardbaby - Summary: You tried many times talking to him about how you felt and failed. Will your final attempt pay off? Warnings : Angst, second guessing choices to be made, a surge of self confidence towards the end along with a fluff-ish conclusion and an adorable Dean bean.

Remember My Name - @anaelsbrunette - Summary: Y/N can never move past that night, constantly feeling nothing but the need to avenge the poor soul lost, but with a new person running lose in Gotham, she may just get the chance to take a new plan into effect. Warnings: BATMAN/SPN CROSSOVER! Dean is Jason Todd!, murder, angst, death, grief, arguments, light fluff, cussing, violence, plotting murder, implied smut, making out

Eight Years - @440mxs-wife - Summary: Reader goes to Kansas City for a ‘Girls Weekend’ with her friends, while the guys decide to have a weekend of their own in the bunker. But, the guys get bored and decide to join the girls, which has everyone paired up except for Dean and the Reader. Will true feelings finally come out, or will it be Friend-Zone City? Warnings: Mutual Pining, a smidgen of angst, mostly fluffy though.

Home In A Motel Pool - @herstarburststories - Summary: Dean and you have some fun in the motel's pool. Warnings: sex in the pool, p in v, dirty talk

Racing Hearts - @waywardnerd67 - Summary: In between saving people and hunting things, Dean Winchester races his Baby down the streets of whatever town he may be in. After catching a case in Oklahoma, the Winchesters run into a familiar face who shares the same needs as Dean for speed. Warnings: Fluff/Street Racing

A Losing Game - @tvdspngirl314 - Summary: When the girl he always loved confesses her feelings for Dean, unfortunately he can't show his true emotions for her. Warnings : angst (a lots of it), unrequited feelings (maybe), broken reader, broken dean

Irresistibly Yours - Chapter 1 - @msmarvelouswinchester - Summary : Y/N Y/L/N moves to NYC in hopes for a fresh start after a nasty breakup. There she meets her neighbor, the cynical lawyer, Dean Winchester. A love-hate relationship starts evolving between them ever since they met in the elevator one morning but a desperate situation and a string of lies forces the two friendly rivals to go on a date or rather a fake date. Will sparks fly between them when Dean gets to know Y/N real and up close? Will Y/N finally find her Prince Charming in the grumpy, workaholic, divorce lawyer? Warnings: None for this chapter.

Choices - @themrsdeanwinchester - Summary: None. Warnings: spoiler-is for season 15, violence, hurt, demon, major character death, language

Ride - @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad - Summary: Dean and you go on a sleigh ride date. Warnings: Almost Christmas, Dean being a softie romantic kind of boyfriend, unestablished relationship, fluff, flirting, romantic sleigh ride.

Drug of Choice - @calaofnoldor - Summary: A night of drunken rambling leads to an unexpected change in your relationship status the next day. Warnings: angst, language, alcohol, feelings of inadequacy, very slight allusions of alcoholism/talk of drug addiction, reader likes the sound of their voice a bit too much when drunk, fluff, implied smut

Leather and Heels - @downanddirtydean - Summary: It’s Dean’s birthday, and you decide to gift him one of his bedroom fantasies. Warnings: fluff and smut, light bondage, use of handcuffs, blind fold, riding crop, and ball gag, oral sex (male receiving), rough-ish sex

The Librarian - @winchest09 - Summary: Y/N had been The Bunker’s own librarian ever since the Winchesters had found her one fateful night. Weighed down by her books and knowledge, fed up with the same routine day in and day out, she strived for something new. But there was one man standing in her way. The same man who had stolen her heart. Dean Winchester. Warnings: Swearing, angst, drinking, smidge of blood, arguments, confessions, fluff, kissing.

Up On The Rooftop - @justagirlinafandomworld - Summary: It’s one week to Christmas and something is amiss! Santa’s sitting on the rooftop, lost in his thoughts. Maybe a secret you’ve been carrying will cheer him up! Warnings: Whimsical. Rhyming. Fluff. I’m working through some serious writer’s block, so that’s also a warning.

A Game - @chocolateheart - Summary: Apparently, you like to play with food not only in the kitchen. Warnings: 18+, smut, unprotected sex (please, wrap it before you tap it), oral sex (female and male receiving), FOOD PLAY, Dean's lips, Dean's jaw, Dean's tongue, Dean's teeth, Dean's fingers, DEAN in general, biting, teasing. I don't know, eating? Friends to lovers.

#deanwanddamons2kcelebration #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester #dean winchester fanfiction

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postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 4 years

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Fantasies, dreams and desires, ideas of normalcy and fears of difference. A slightly queer reading of 15x14

Mrs Butters is a delightful character who is built to parallel so many things in the show. She occupies perfectly the semantic sphere that the narrative has crafted around Dean’s desires; also, you know, cake.

We could talk for days about the significance of food and drink in Supernatural. One of the biggest themes that run through the entire show is hunger (or thirst) and food is very often a symbol for an emotional need of sorts. Supernatural draws a lot folklore, and human stories have always used symbologies that put together food, desire, love, sex, family, goodness and darkness and all those human experiences.

We have discussed the shit out of every instance of food in the show, analyzed parallels to other stories and fairytales, scrutinized queer-codings and subtexts, got called nasty names by impolite people accusing us of saying that a slice of baked good means Dean likes sitting on dicks. So, yeah, I’m not gonna start explaining everything from the beginning. Let’s jump to the parallels.

- The comfort food. Motherhood, hugs, and the past that can never return: the ideal of childhood and the 50s fantasy

We’ve already talked about how Mrs Butters functions as a parallel to Mary and a symbol of the ideal motherhood that both Mary and Dean struggled with. In Dark Side Of The Moon, we see a memory from Dean’s childhood, where we learn that Mary would cut off the crusts off his sandwiches. Mrs Butters also says that she cut the crusts off, establishing a direct parallel to Dean’s ideal of childhood and child-parent relationship. Or, we should say, as both Mary’s and Dean’s ideals of a child-parent relationship, because we know that Mary set up her life with John and the kids as an elaborate “scene” according to her idea-slash-fantasy of the perfect safe life.

She strugged with that, because her ideal life could never match with reality - she had loose ends from hunting to deal with, she at some level liked having those loose ends to deal with because as much as she hated the hunting life and craved for safety and “normalcy” that was still something she was in her element doing, probably more than the perfect housewife role. Of course when she came back she attempted to recreate the scene but quickly discovered that it was impossible and dropped all attempts to do so, embracing the opposite, or at least what she perceived as the opposite (having a pretty dualistic view of hunting life-domestic life where they cannot be reconciled).

Dean, on the other hand, started out with a similar dualistic view, figuring that he’d always belong to the hunting world and could never have the domestic, “normal” thing at all, embracing his “freakness” as opposed to the concept of normalcy represented by civilians, by the middle class, by the suburbs, by the apple pie, white fence life (insert heavy queer subtext here). And yet there was always an ambiguity with him (again, he’s never one-or-the-other, he’s always both), because, while on the surface he embraces this rebellious, devil-may-care persona, that’s not quite what he is as a full individual. He grew up essentially a housewife from a very early age, has a very caregiving personality, and thrives in taking care of others.

Dean is both Mrs Butters and Mary, where the difference between him and Mary is that Mary couldn’t (didn’t have the time, support, resources?) reconcile parts of her that Dean instead was able to (and in fact recently helped her with: before dying, she’d reached a pretty healthy balance of living her own life as a hunter and having a warm relationship with her sons, at least as healthy as it can get in that kind of circumstances).

Another important parallel to Dark Side Of The Moon, borrowed by Scoobynatural, is the nightgown that feels like being wrapped in hugs: we are reminded of Dean’s “I wuv hugz” from when he was a kid, a symbol for his early life of affection and safety that he lost with his mother. Childhood hugs, comfort food, loving gestures like cutting off the crusts are all symbols of a past that cannot return.

On a level, from a “coming-of-age story” perspective, childhood, with its innocence and perception that adults will always keep us safe, is obviously something that everyone needs to accept as something that belongs to the past and cannot return, to embrace instead the responsibilities and risks of adulthood in a healthy way. In a sense, Dean needs to go through all these steps - acknowledging that his mother was a flawed person, that in fact both of his parents were flawed people who made mistakes but he can forgive them for his own sake in order to be able to let go of trauma and carry on... - to become a healthy adult able to be a good parent to his own child.

(There’s also the cholesterol thing - Mrs Butters chastizes Dean for his diet, but we know that there’s a depth to Dean’s diet, not only his extreme appreciation of food due to experiencing food scarcity and insecurity as a child, but also the memory of his mother’s comfort food, such as the “Winchester surprise”, a monstrosity of meat and cheese. While the “meat man” persona would appear on the surface as a sterotypical masculinity thing, it has layers, in a typical Dean fashion... not coincidentally, in the latest episode he calls himself the meat man while wearing an apron that we’re told he’s very fond of, painting him, again, in a mixture of different meanings, masculinity and femininity, fatherhood and motherhood, devil-may-care attitude and caregiver attitude.)

On another level, a more political level, there’s the 50s fantasy element. We all know the significance of the idealization of the post-war period as the “good ol’ times” in American culture, and it’s an ideal that Mary definitely drew from when she built her perfect life with her family. Mrs Butters represents this in a very literal way, being literally from 1958 when she “froze” herself, and acts as a very stereotyped governess for a bunch of men that feel like they are above housework, what is considered women’s work. Dean initially comments “how progressive”, knowing exactly how bullshit these conversative ideals are, but then appreciates the comforts of the perfect caretaker.

In fact, Dean’s “giving in” to the comforts of a governess makes me think of that famous feminist manifesto “I want a wife” by Judy Syfers... because housework is very much Dean’s work in the bunker. It’s interesting that Mrs Butters immediately comments negatively on the cleanness of the bunker and their clothes: we know that Dean cleans and washes, and, while it’s likely that he cannot keep everything super perfect like a governess would because he’s busy doing many other things, it’s a way Mrs Butters uses to establish roles that she knows and is comfortable with. She is used to being the one who does “feminine” work while the Men of Letters have absolutely zero skills in that regard, and doesn’t really even stop to question if that’s the case with the men in front of her.

Anyway, let’s go back to the 50s fantasy. The show has repeatedly made commentaries on the vacuity of it. Peace Of Mind is the most obvious instance, but there’s plenty of subtext in the show that deals with that typically American aspect. Just like the childhood aspect, the narrative tells us that the “good ol’ times” are also an idealized thing that cannot return (if it ever existed, because Dean’s childhood was built on a fantasy, and the “good ol’ times” are also a fantasy, because the real 50s were horrible for anyone who didn’t swim in privilege). Mrs Butters cannot stay, the 50s fantasy-slash-childhood fantasy cannot last, and Dean embraces his role as an adult-slash-modern housemaker. Blah blah gender, blah blah cake. (Yeah, sorry, but you can fill in the blanks.)

- The contaminated drink. Poison and weakness from the forbidden sexual desire to the forbidden family domesticity

Aaaand now the second branch of parallels that Mrs Butters pinged on my radar, which sends us in an even more queer-subtext-heavy territory. We’re going to talk about the smoothies and the tomato juice. Yes, I know, the smoothies are given to Jack, not Dean, but symbolically Dean and Jack share the same semantic area; both are given a magically conjured drink, and both end up locked away waiting to be killed. For this analysis, they basically overlap.

Let’s start with the tomato juice. I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that Dean is given something that visually reminds of the blood the vampires drink. The tomato juice is a stand-in for blood, and blood in relation to vampirism has a long history of subtext in the show that connects to sexuality, sex, sexual fears and contamination. While vampires are not necessarily always invested of those meanings every single time they appear in the three-hundred-whatever episodes of the show, their main symbology is connected to sex and sexual fears, as vampires do in modern western literature, after all.

You’re probably going to think, wait, what? What has Mrs Butters got to do with sexual fears? Yeah, I know, it sounds weird, but hear me out.

The tomato juice - a stand-in for blood, with a vampire reference - parallels Mrs Butters (who represents trauma, remember) to 6x05 Live Free Or TwiHard. Sexual assault, blood, contamination via the poisoning liquid.

Next to the tomato juice there’s the smoothie. It’s a poison in disguise, a contaminated drink that makes Jack weak. We have, in fact, a pattern of Dean being given contaminated drinks that place him under another’s power. Not just the vampire’s blood, but also Jeremy from 3x10 Dream A Little Dream Of Me, who offers Dean a beer through which he connects him to his dreams. There’s Nick the siren from 4x14 Sex And Violence, who contaminates Dean through the flask. The venom in the siren’s saliva parallels straight to the gorgon Noah in 14x14 Ouroboros, and I don’t have to start explaining what all those things represent, right? (I have written posts about these things, it would be nice if tumblr didn’t suck and showed them to me when I go look for them.)

(Oh, there’s also Crowley’s human blood addiction, which is not, as one might expect, a parallel to Sam’s demon blood addition, but Dean’s First Blade/Mark Of Cain issue, and the First Blade/Mark Of Cain arc is all imbued by the queer subtext of the Dean-Crowley-Castiel triangle.)

Basically, Mrs Butters is inserted in a history of queer subtext, although it appears as obvious that Mrs Butters hardly represents homosexual desire, unless we go a pretty stretchy route of her occupying Cas’ space in the Dean-Sam-Cas-Jack family (I mean, that’s true, but it’s not simply that). It is also true that Mrs Butters represents Cuthbert Sinclair, and here the radar pings, because Cuthbert Sinclair is totally inside the pattern! He wanted to make Dean part of his collection just like the vampire in 6x05 wanted to make Dean part of his pack, with supernatural means of exorting control over Dean and heavy heavy rapey tones. (I know we don’t like to talk about this, but the show does play with incest subtext, John mirrors are often rapey.)

So, we have all this semantic area of poison, weakness and submission to external control painted in overtones of sexual assault and sexual fears especially in relation to homosexual desire. (I am NOT linking homosexual desire to sexual assult, nor the show is, it’s a wide and volatile semantic area where the common denominator is fear, fear of being hurt FOR being different sexually, it’s about vulnerability because of being different. It’s a horror narrative, guys, remember, queer fear is a recurrent theme in the genre. Dracula was about the horror of what happened to Oscar Wilde, we’re running in circles.)

Now, what kind of fear is explored in 15x14? Well, the episode is about the fear of losing family. The plot is about Dean’s feelings towards Jack after he killed Mary. Dean doesn’t know it yet, but he’s going to lose Cas soon also because of Jack. Mary and Cas are both very noisy absences in the episode, and we know that Dean is going to suffer something horrific again that will shatter his family again. This goes past the fears regarding forbidden sexual desire: we’re in the territory of forbidden familial desire, so to speak, Dean’s craving for a domestic peace with his family.

Jack is both the culmination of Dean’s process of family-building, as the son figure of the family, and the element of destruction of that family-building. Not a coincidence Jack’s birthday was referenced, as Jack’s birth coincided with Cas’ death and Mary’s supposed death or at least separation. Now Jack has supposedly killed Mary (or is it a inter-universe separation again? @drsilverfish’s theory always pops up, and we keep getting reminded of other universes - the telescope is broken...) and we know that Cas’ ultimate death hangs above us.

We’re always running in a spiral, Dean’s relationship with Mary, Dean’s relationship with Cas, Dean’s relationship with motherhood and gender roles, Dean’s relationship with sexuality. There’s a big picture of mirrors in the semantic area of fantasies, idealizations, desires and dreams. I hope I managed to make this post make sense, but I’m always open to requests of clarification or elaboration. Thanks for reading!

#my spn thoughts #spn meta #spn 15x14 #queer subtext #dean and femininity #dean and masculinity #dean and food #dean and mary #dean and childhood #dean and sexuality #dean and family #spn

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naitiaclo960writings · 4 years

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Day 7 - Domestic

The moment you feel at home is when you start decorating the house. Dean had been repeating this to Sam ever since they had officially established their headquarters in the Men of Letters bunker. First of all, he began by displaying his favorite weapons in his room: his sawed-off shotgun, the machete he had made in Purgatory, a grenade launcher, his father’s fighting knives, his first stake… Quickly, the souvenir albums had left Baby’s trunk to weigh down the drawers of his bedside table.

Sam ended up imitating him by putting his clothes in the closet first, then his computer pouch in the desk, and finally he ended up storing countless books and tapes in boxes by his bed. Dean had obviously taken over the kitchen as quickly as possible and built his famous "Dean Cave" while Sam could spend whole nights devouring every book in the library or archives.

Castiel had also inherited a room — although it was rarely occupied — and was particularly fond of the calm of the infirmary, watching over one of the two brothers when necessary. Jack, for his part, was in the only house he had ever known and cherished every wall in this underground lair.

However, everyone agreed that the refrigerator was undoubtedly their favorite part of the bunker. The Men of Letters' was not a simple American fridge with two doors, nor even a fridge with a minibar option. No, their refrigerator was absolutely gigantic, with several doors dug directly into the wall and at least two meters of metal in width.

Of course, the food gets everybody to agree —especially when Dean felt like making his own handmade burgers— but that wasn’t the only reason this family was particularly fond of the fridge. It was not so much what was in it that found grace in their eyes, but what was on it.

The first person to hang anything on it was Sam. Tired of having to repeat to his brother to buy vegetables, he had then written a precise shopping list before hanging it with a magnet on the door containing the beers, certain that Dean would fall face to face with it before the end of the day. In response, Dean had hung another post-it on a lower door saying, "Here, rabbit man."

Soon after, Jack felt confident enough to hang one of his drawings, then another. Castiel had happily added the menu of this Chinese restaurant on the outskirts of Lebanon where the Winchesters loved to order after finishing a case. Dean had pinned a few handwritten recipes and Sam was again the first to put a picture of the four of them in the library, playing board games. Months later, Dean solemnly hung his wedding announcement with Castiel below the date of their first kiss, lovingly scribbled on a piece of paper. Little by little, the fridge was filled with memories and post-it notes, a fresco of their lives spread out among the gates of the metal surface.

It was past midnight when Sam decided to have a pick-me-up to continue his search among the archives. He proceeded as usual to his reserved part of the refrigerator when a bright yellow post-it attracted his attention. He knew every photo on this fridge so well that the slightest new element was now popping into his eyes and he came closer to read what it was saying.

"I’m sorry. Can we talk?"

It was definitely Dean’s handwriting. Sam frowned, the cogs of his brain creaking in his head. He hadn’t had a fight with his brother recently, it was barely if he’d seen him for the last two days. Jack had been on vacation with Jody since the beginning of the week and Castiel had left the bunker for… oh.

Dean and Castiel had a fight five days ago. Sam had not really understood the reason for the argument, the two of them shouting at each other behind closed doors before they remained silent for hours. This was the reason why Dean had been locked up in his room since Tuesday and that Castiel only came back from time to time to wander like a lost soul before leaving for an indefinite period. This message was therefore not addressed to him, Sam realized. It was a cry for help from his brother to Castiel. Although the angel did not need to drink or eat, it was true that he particularly liked to look at the refrigerator whenever he could as a reminder of why he called this place "his home".

Sam pinched his lips and decided not to interfere. It was something between his brother and his best friend and he would be there if they asked him for support, but not before. Although troubled, Sam grabbed a beer and a few cherry tomatoes before leaving the kitchen.

To his surprise, the first post-it did not stay on the refrigerator very long. The following day he had been replaced by a note written with much more careful writing despite the austerity of the words.

"You said everything you had to say and so did I."

A cold anger sweated in Castiel’s words. Sam was still in the kitchen when Dean made his entrance, heading for the food first as usual. He was also present when his brother’s eyes fell on the note and he froze to read it in silence. A few seconds later, Dean unpinned the post-it before wrinkling it and throwing it in the trash. He returned to his room without even getting the breakfast he had come to fetch.

"I’m an idiot. Please pick up your phone." Said the following note three days later accompanied by a photo of Dean and Castiel wearing reindeer antennas for Christmas that they had celebrated with family two years earlier. Sam recognized Dean’s trembling hand behind every word.

Sam soon found himself opening the refrigerator more often than usual simply to find out how his brother and Castiel were progressing in their fight, worried about each one of them. Dean was still as silent as a tomb about it and he hadn’t seen Castiel for a week now. Whatever happened between them, it was by far the longest argument the couple has had to date.

Dean’s last note remained unanswered.

When Sam opened the fridge door one morning to take milk, the post-it had been replaced by another still written by Dean.

"Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word, Elton John"

Sam could not help a small smile from appearing on his face. Dean had always been more gifted with music than words, but the mere fact that he chose Elton John showed something fragile and sincere. Sam hoped Castiel would get the hint. Just below this post-it was pinned a photo of their fingers intertwined, the bright wedding rings to their fingers, as well as a large black feather.

Indeed, the next day, Dean’s note was still there, but this time accompanied by a second piece of paper with an address.

"716 E Montana Ave, 1312, Baker. Room 17. You’re the One that I Want, Grease."

Not more than an hour later, Dean had gathered his belongings and was already finding an excuse to Sam when this one cut him off. They exchanged a look which they alone knew the secret before Dean nodded and fondly patted his shoulder. The next minute, the Impala’s engine was growling in the garage before moving away, leaving Sam free to go and have breakfast with Jack in the kitchen.

When Dean returned two days later, it was with Castiel next to him and a weight off their shoulders. Sam sent them a simple, gentle smile before going to hug his brother and Castiel. When he got up to bring them beers, he noticed that the post-its had not left the refrigerator. However, no one ever removed them afterwards.

The family simply added other memories as life slowly resumed in the bunker.

* * * @winchester-reload Hi! Here’s a short one for today with my favorite couple. Please, let me know if you enjoyed it!

You can find the whole series on Ao3

Tag list /!\ PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU WANT TO BE ADD TO (or removed from) THE TAG LIST so you won’t miss any updates.

@misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @styggtroll @thanks-tacos @petrichoravellichor @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect @ladywaywarddsc @hellfire37 @destiel-221b-sabriel @aloha-cowgirl @destielhoneybee @dysfunctional-destiel @ozonecologne @doofcas @castielrisingabove @zoerayne2426 @tibbinswrites @vicmc624 @thegirlofstarlight @berrieseveryday @staycejo1 @certaindeanwinchesterforcastiel @bab-spnfamily @lo-mindpalace

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wormstacheangel · 4 years

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Day 7: Domestic

Word Count: 1475

Summary: A few years after God d-worded and family dinners are still a bit weird.

——

Seeing demons now is strange as Rowena has a protection order over them. Dean will quote because he was there when she said it so quietly and scary that even he had chills running up his spine, “Don’t touch my boys. They’re under my protection and if anyone or anything dares touch any wee hair on their delicate heads,” She stopped to scoff as she crossed her legs clearly relaxed when she sat back on her throne. “I’ll just get creative.”

Their Auntie Rowena, well Sam doesn’t like calling her that but that’s what Jack refers to her as now, had demons walking out of rooms when they were near. Or they’ll just get up to introduce themselves and let them know they were just there to eat or enjoy the movie. Which was worse because now Dean can’t just gank the one’s that were being polite to them because it felt weird.

Of course, they had those rogue ones that still didn’t like that the royalty from hell seemed to have a thing for the Winchesters. Crowely and now Rowena, hell even Lucifer and Asmodeus were always talking about the Winchesters. Though he considered the Mom and Son duo more like family, well Crowley was a friend but dying for them kind of earned him the family title.

He liked the rogue ones though, they talked a lot. They are always so personally offended by the Winchester’s mere existence but Dean found it flattering how famous they are getting. Maybe they won’t be remembered by normal society but the underworld, heaven, purgatory, and some hunters from Earth will remember them. Maybe as hero’s, he did kill Hitler after all and not to mention his son killed God himself, so maybe legends will be more appropriate. It’s nice to know their legacy will live on.

“Dean, are you coming?” Cas laced their fingers together as they headed down to hell to visit Rowena. Jack had been asking to come, not wanting to go alone even though he was the second favorite to Sam. “You have been quiet lately. Are you okay?”

They followed Sam and Jack down to hell, something only they could really say. He could also say his kid is God and his husband was an angel of the lord. Of course, he’ll never say this out loud to a normal person but he wished he had a shirt or bumper sticker. Like one of those My Kid is an Honor Roll Student magnets.

“Our lives are weird, man.” Dean quietly said back to Cas as he squeezed his hand gently.

Cas only chuckled, pulling their hands up and kissing the back of Dean’s hand before letting them fall again. “Yes, well, I have never experienced normality in a human civilian way. So this is normal for me. Though, in my thousand years of life,

“Damn, you’re old.”

Cas ignored Dean and continued. “I never would have believed that the Queen of hell would insist on me calling her Aunt. Or that I would be having dinner in hell with said Aunt. Or that I would love her like family. So yes, our lives are weird.”

Dean pulled his husband in as he smiled and kissed his cheek cause he had this damn cute expression with a head tilt and all. He could hear some demons snicker at them and Cas was quick to show off his angel blade as they walked down the hall to the throne room. While they were protected Rowena didn’t say anything about the demons being off the hook and even though Cas was a human now doesn’t mean he’s any less intimidating. He was still the best damn fighter in Team Free Will 2.0. Jack doesn’t count cause he cheats with his powers.

“My wee boys! Look at you!” Rowena walked towards them with her arms stretched out to bring Jack, who already was making a beeline towards her, into a hug. “Oh, how I missed you! How’s my little God doing? Good things I hope?”

Jack nods with a big smile on his face that only grew when Rowena pinched his cheek. “I learned how to create Angels out of scratch. It’s a slow process but now I won’t need human souls like before.”

“That’s my boy!” Sam was next to get the biggest hug, the favorite of the bunch as he is her protégé after all. “Samuel, how’s the wife?”

“Rowena.” He kissed her cheek as a hello as he pulled back to look at her. “She’s good. Hunting something as we speak. She says she looks forward to her next lunch date with you.”

“Oh, glad to hear it! Eileen is a keeper.”

“I think so.” Sam chuckled as he gave her one more squeeze before letting Cas hug her hello.

Cas and Dean’s hugs were quicker than the other two not because they didn’t love the witch because obviously, they did, she’s one of the reasons they’re married now, but because Rowena always pulled away to comment on their marriage.

“Oh look at you two, old married couple!”

“Old?” Dean looks between Cas and Sam before he touched his own face. “I’m not that old. Cas maybe but-”

“Dean.” Cas said in a way that said, Dean for the love of God or Jack whatever just shut up.

The dinner passed by in a blur as they all caught up with each other. Since they are more separated than together nowadays and luckily they weren’t poisoned like the last time they had dinner there. Jack was quick to heal them and Rowena had no hesitation in punishing. Demons say you can still hear the screams of the poor bastard. A reminder apparently.

They promised to visit soon. Jack promised to take her upstairs to visit his throne room that he rarely visits himself because he’s 6 and would rather spend time in his room playing video games.

“Dad’s?” Jack calls for Dean and Cas as they walk over to the Impala, Sam heading over to his truck. “Can I stay over at your house tonight? I don’t wanna work tomorrow.”

“Sure but call Naomi to let her know.” Cas quickly answered before Dean can lecture the kid about responsibility.

Jack’s grin was enough for Dean to swallow back the lecture and instead say, “We can get some ice cream on the way back and maybe have a family day tomorrow? We don’t have a hunt to worry about right now.”

“Can we?” Jack asked and while his kid is God with the capital G he was still his kid. He looked his damn age when he smiled up at Dean like that. Like he just surprised him with a Disneyland trip or something. “Can we go visit Grandpa Bobby? I’ve been spending too much time with Mom that I forget to visit.”

“Sure kid.” Dean puts his hand on Jack’s shoulder and leads him to the Impala. The other world Bobby wasn’t keen on being apart of the family much but since Jack got a new promotion he has visited all their old friends and family. Bobby is the most excited for a grandkid. Barely pays attention to Dean and Sam when they go visit as it was all about Jack when he’s around. Saying something about how Grandparents need to spoil their grandkids while the parents do the hard work.

Yeah. Their lives are pretty far from normal but finally, fucking finally, Dean is in the light at the end of the dark tunnel.

“Can I drive?” Jack asked while looking at him with wide puppy eyes and a tilt of the head, a mix of Sam and Cas things that make it hard for Dean to say no to but Jack forgets one thing.

“Nope.” His Baby is number one priority.

Jack snaps his fingers, making them all flinch, but he just pouts as he says, “Damn, I was sure that would work. Dad Sam told me it would.”

“Maybe if you would have asked for something reasonable like the moon.” Cas jokes as he gets in the passenger seat and Jack slides into the back.

They wave at Sam as he honks at them and drives in the direction of his house, the opposite way from Cas and Dean’s home. The bunker, though it was hard to let go of, is now used as a hunter base. One Sam and Cas run while Dean just stays back to watch. He wasn’t much of a leader but his husband lead armies in heaven, still does for Jack, and his brother was the most trusted in the hunting community.

Dean drives them back to their home with the sound of his brother on speaker because they didn’t just talk for the last 3 hours, while Cas held the phone. The rambling of his family filling the car made him smile. He loved his normal family.

#suptober20 #spn #supernatural #My writing

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missjackil · 3 years

Text

My 15x20 Opinion (The SPN Finale)

Carry On

It’s taken me a few days to write this, because I’m an emotional wreck. I still cant wrap my head around the fact that the show is over, and in such a permentant way. I’m not exagerating when I say, it feels like someone I love in real life died. In 2001 I lost my best friend since I was 7 (I was 34 at the time) and in 2011 I lost the love of my life, in 2018 I lost my Dad. This feels the same, and as with the others, it has its own unique pain. Personal just to me and how does my ife change because of it. So please forgive me in advance for periods of silence I may have, as well as days where I don’t shut up. This grief is real.

Anyway, about the episode, the first half was wonerful! Domestic Winchesters is one of my favorite things! Dean snuggling Miracle could not get any cuter, and half naked, fresh from the shower Sam couldnt get any hotter! Teeth brushing, bed making, laundry doing *sigh* what more can a fan girl ask for? Oh yeah!! Sam smushing pie in Dean’s face!! God I love these two!

My anxiety built as the boys went on their hunt. I new this would be where shit hit the fan, but I wasn’t prepared for the level of shock I experienced. When the Vamp got Sam down and Dean wasn’t watching, I was sure this would be where Sam gets mortally wounded and we get the epic, emotional death scene, which would surely be followed by Dean going into a rage, losing his shit on the rest of the vamps and getting himself killed in the process, but that’s not how it went. When Dean backed into the rebar I just screamed “NOOOOOOO!! NO NO NO NO!!!” I wasn’t ready for Sam to be the survivor and I was NOT ready for how deeply painful Dean’s death scene would be. Im nowhere near over it yet. I started sobbing, and didn’t stop for the next 2 hours.

Sam’s grief was devistating, I felt all of it. J2 acted their asses off and from what they’d said, they had broken character at times and what we got was real. When Sam got a phone call for a case and he took the dog with him, looked around the bunker and shut all the lights off, I knew he wasnt coming back.

Switch over to Dean in Heaven with Bobby, explaining that Jack fixed it so Heaven is open now, no private worlds, everyone could move around freely. This stung a little bit, thinking it kind of negated Sam and Dean’s Heaven, but it does’t really. The fact that it had been acknowledged that Heaven had been separate worlds, shows me they didn’t forget, and this is why now everyone can be together.

Dean said it was :”almost perfect” and Bobby knew why and said “He’ll be along” knowing Dean wont truly be happy without Sam. Then Dean took a drive in Baby, he didn’t go see mom and dad, he didnt go find Cas, he went to a bridge to wait patiently for Sam.

Now we flash back over to Sam. When I saw him with a kid, my heart sunk. They’re gonna ruin what was absolutey beautiful so far by Sam living a happy life with Eileen and their kid!! But, that’s not really how it was, was it? There was no emphisis at all on Eileen or even if it was her he ended up with, or even how much a part of Sam and Dean Jr’s life she was. It was always just Sam and Dean Jr. When elder Sam went in the garage and uncovered Baby and just sat in her and cried, I knew he may be happy with his boy but his life is empty without his brother. 15, 20 years later, Sam still grieves. Finally, Sam is an old man, bed ridden and on machines, still wearing Dean’s watch, and he sheds one last tear as Dean Jr lets him go.

Ok to me, Sam didn’t get “A long happy normal life” after Dean died. Sam existed because he promised Dean he would, but he was miserable without him. What’s that line from Red Meat we all love? “After everything we survived together, I watched the man I love die. There’s no normal after that” So, this to me was no slap in the Winchester face, this is poor Sam suffering from 6 mos old till the moment he died as a sick old man.

Flash back over to Dean. still waiting on that bridge and without even turning around, a smile spreads accross his face ... he’s finally here! “Hiya Sam” and there he is, just the way Dean remembered him, not a sick old man. Sam smiles and just says “Dean” and we have the best and happiest brohug ever!! The break and walk to the rail to look out over Heaven. Dean’s arm atill around Sam, he looks at him with such adoration. and his expression couldn’t be mistaken for anything else besides “Now, it’s perfect” and my boys are together safe and at peace for eternity.....The End.

This finale wasn;t what I wanted per se, though I ultimately wanted the boys together in the end and I got that, so I am abundantly grateful, knowing how many BAD ways this could have gone. Ultimately I would have liked an end like the end of 15x19, where theyre alive to fight another day and drive into the sunset, or to retire and have their toes in the sand somewhere. Or even drive off a cliff together, hand in hand, but I wouldnt have gotten than raw excruciating display of pure unbreakable love. “I love you so much... my little brother” is the best thing Ive ever heard. Their heads pressed together was the most touching thing Ive ever seen. So Im grateful.

After gnawing on it, thinking, and allowing some time to pass, Im gonna say I loved the ending. It wasn’t perfect but Im satisfied. It took a long time to get to “Now it’s perfect” which I will take with me as the last words of the show (even though they technically were never spoken) but it was worth the journey.

So on a scale of Bloodlines to Lebanon, Ill give Carry on a 10. Thank you Dabb for drowning me in bro love, and thank you J2 for kicking it in the ass and pouring your heart and souls into it.

Rest in Peace boys. I love you both so very much.💔😭💕

#SPN Finale spoilers #15x20 #my opinion #i miss you so much #come back soon please #im not okay

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