#I know I am supposed to be offline but this is the only place where I feel like people might appreciate
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This came to me in a vision & against my will (click for better quality)
#crazy ex girlfriend#Hamilton#les mierables#Legally blonde#What does it all mean!?!?!?#I know I am supposed to be offline but this is the only place where I feel like people might appreciate
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NieR Reincarnation The People and the World
Satellite Spoilers, Feelings and a lot of YoRHa:Dark Apocalypse
Please read this post imagining silent sobbing in the background...
First off, I liked what they did with 10H, just skipping a recap entirely and making her Mama's ally right from the outset while leaving the in-between after the story we already knew for the EX Story.
speaking of which, I loved that they gave that ex story a straightforward happy ending (also, the carnation for reincarnation is just... so cute) I was so afraid that it was going to end with Mama betraying her again, but she didn't q___q And it makes Mama calling her 'our special girl' before the chapter hit so much harder q___q I love you Mama q___q
(also, food for thought, her ex story's name 'copied floral silhouette'... silhouettes are black on white, so it implicates a copied black flower)
I was thinking what the fuck they were going to do with her RoD story in the distant future though... but alas, I only opened Twitter after doing all of that.
So let's talk about it, I didn't expect it to EoS in APRIL. WHAT THE FUCK THAT'S SO SOON!! And I wasn't even expecting them to do another Season or anything, the story is in a perfect place to stop, all I was expecting them to do was drag it out a little bit longer with a skeleton crew only releasing RoDs and Costumes for a year or so until they didn't feel like it anymore - but this soon??? I guess the next NieR game must be closer than I initially thought, why would they just end it, surely they could have kept up the servers for a few more months with how much money and time they've put into the character models and stuff...
I do hope a Offline Version is coming, mainly so I can finally unironically call it the best NieR game without the looming "But it's a Gacha" threating my credibility as a... I don't have credibility, why am I even worried about that
Needless to say, my dream of #AnoggForReincarnation is probably dead in the water... But we'll get to her, because I have thoughts.
Two Big things from the Chapter that I want to talk about:
No.1: It's revealed that Humanity had a plan to "return" (to Reincarnate, if you will) after their Extinction
No.2: The "Earth" we return to is just the Cage again, but whiter and snowier.
I have two theories for what the "Earth" we saw might have been:
a) It's a sort of Meta-Earth where every structure represents every possible parallel Earth in existence - like how we have a Drakengard Earth that's seperate from the Main NieR Earth that's seperate from Hina and Yuzuki's Earth.
b) They don't use Earth meaning planet, but Earth as the place where Humanity is - this is just where the Humans actually are right now, after all they don't just need a place to return to, they also need a place to return from as well.
A notable line here includes 10H confirming to Yuzuki that the Round Egg in the Background (ROUND EGG, ROUND EGG, ROUND EGG!) "must be" the Cage, but that it's "not supposed to be here."
You know another Round Egg that can move around to anywhere it feels like at will and also contains the entirety of Human Memories within it? Well of course, It's time for me to bring up the only thing I ever talk about, YoRHa:Dark Apocalypse!
I've brought up before that there are certain similarities Anogg displays with Noelle's Introductory Chapter and at the time I thought that Noelle's whole deal might be involved in the creation of the Pseudo-Seed from Y:DA. But now that her backstory is fully revealed I actually think it's the other way around.
We now know that Noelle is actually a Human Clone that was created from a human after Humanity disappeared - but that makes it impossible that the Y:DA Pseudo-Seed was based on her if we do consider it to be the same or even just a copy of the Cage, because as we now know the Cage is part of Humanity's plan to Return - which means it must have existed before experimentation on Noelle even started.
Basically I think that Noelle was created using the same technology that was used to create the Cage - a Seed of Destruction. Which - if she actually is one of the pre-established "Dragon Weapons" - is actually pretty likely, because we know Accord had her fingers in making those Weapons happen and we know thanks to countless cameos that the Cage is Accords whole thing - and Accord is really the first and probably only person we know who could even possibly provide a Seed to do that with in the first place.
So while I had thought before that what we see the Red Girls do and what we see Anogg do in Y:DA with and/or caused by the Pseudo-Seed was just from whatever the Red Girls did to it, I think it's now much more likely that that's just how the Cage functions that the Red Girls copied. What if the Cage doesn't just store them, what if it can also Recreate Humanity when the time is right? And they were going to set that in motion after YoRHa defeats the Machine Lifeforms - which just doesn't seem to happen?
Or maybe Humanity's plan was to shoot themselves into space and recreate their entire planet where ever they land, just like the Tower/Cannon the Red Girls create and the Dark Apocalypse they chime in on Norvrandt!
Whatever it turns out being, I think Humanity turned a Seed of Destruction into a literal Seed of Resurrection. And wouldn't that be poetic as fuck. long live optimism, humanity is good sometimes
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Broken promises
Ch. 1 Lost and Found
Pairing: M/c x Jake,
Words: 1280
Summary: What if m/c went to the Grimrock mines to warn Jake of the police?
I had promised him I wouldn’t go but he tricked me, I would have gone to the mines just like Michael Hanson requested, however Jake has other plans. I must admit it was really sweet that the group had asked of me not go. Well only Thomas encouraged me to do so. I am obviously not mad at him, I could understand how he was feeling, the devastation and the fear that was dominating him when it came to Hannah.
I was so scared, Jake kept talking to me, keeping me updated on what was going on in the tunnels, what he was seeing. He kept texting every motion he would make even though the signal was getting weaker and weaker until he said someone was coming and went offline. I felt my knees go weaker at the thought of the culprit getting to him, I haven’t even seen his face but in my head, my last call with Richy keeps repeating, this time though it is Jake who falls in blood. God! I don’t even know his face and yet I don’t want to lose him.
Once I realized Bloomgate was on his way there I picked up my stuff and took my bike on the mines as well. I was most likely going to be late, nonetheless I was unable to sit down and just wait for Jake’s reply. I was staying at the motel. No one was aware of that not even the man without a face apparently or perhaps he realized only now.
I was riding as fast as I could, my eyes fixed on the road, taking small breaks only to stare at the navigator of Duskwood made sure I had on my device. Suddenly my phone rang… I was Alan Bloomgate.
“Hello, Nellie… I have gotten to the tunnels of the mines” He sounded older than it felt on the text messages.
“Owo, good job chief. How did you find this information all by yourself?” I asked making sure the mock and sarcasm in my voice was distinctively highlighted.
“You did a good job.” He spoke up and then gasped, there was a pause in his voice “There is a room full of files, archives. And there are pictures of all your friends…” He told me.
“Really Sherlock? Maybe there’s an envelope with my name a big sign saying revenge and plethora of raven graffiti?” I wondered and panted lightly, the freezing breeze of December was hitting my skin like many small stab wounds. It was Christmas and I was probably riding my bike to my death. I hoped that Alan wouldn’t notice the back ground noise of my bike and my dragged breathing.
“How do you know?” he asked me, his tone surprised. I was rather satisfied that he didn’t see many of these facts coming.
“That’s what we wanted you to see at the Hanson old residence.” I explained and braked abruptly.
“Are you outside?” He asked me and I didn’t reply. “If you are thinking of coming here, change mindset, it is too dangerous.” He started off.
“Too late for that chief.” I spoke and parked my bike. I was wearing heavy clothes that wouldn’t allow me to move freely, I kept my beanie and scarf. “the culprit threatens me quiet sometime now and today he told me that he would let the two go if I came at Grimmrock waterfall…” I unriddled my ponders leaving Jake out of my speech, he was already in there somewhere. I was in danger running towards a trap and all I could think of is how close we are to each other for the first time.
I strolled over the area, it was a really impressive and beautiful place, I was to the place I was supposed to meet with Micheal Hanson but he seemed nowhere around, I had started shivering without really realizing it.
“There’s someone there.” Alan said and his voice got quieter.
“Be careful, do not shoot…Can you hear me?” I asked as I saw the screen glitching. The damn reception of that place… I forgot where I was standing, I was only scared that he would fall face to face with Jake. I raised my gaze to see the culprit 50 meters away from just staring blankly and I gulped.
“Mrs. Donford.” Alan exclaimed and I looked at the screen. He had found Hannah.
“Find Richy” said she immediately before the call was over.
“Notifying the police wasn’t part of the plan.” The man without a face said, his voice still altered.
“Many things were not in the plan and yet, here we are, aren’t we?” I asked and hoped to stall him as long as I could so the rest would come out of the mines and find me.
‘Bloomgate found Hannah, she is safe...’
‘And I am standing face to face with our cute little legend.’ I texted the groupchat and I saw everyone coming online immediately.
‘What do you mean?’ Lilly asked.
‘Awe some one ran out of braincells, Nellie, WHAT THE HECK?’ Dan texted.
‘Get out of there’ Cleo was next.
‘Please, please, please, Nellie, you can still leave… There’s Jake and now the police too.’ Jessy tried convincing me and I sighed.
‘Nellie where are you?’ Lilly asked as I couldn’t reply at that point, the legend was laughing but thankfully not walking, he kept the distance between us and this offered me some sense of security that I couldn’t really explain.
‘Answer, please don’t scare us like that’ Jessy added.
‘Guys give her time.’ Thomas tried to be the common sense .
“What do you want from me?” I yelled loudly as this staring contest was unnerving me, I made sure to press voice record and sent it to the groupchat. “Why did you involve me?” I yelled even louder. However, he seemed unphased. “You are scared of me, but I do not know why… I only came here for two months and suddenly I am tangled in this mess because of you… You just stand there… You want to scare me? Well congratulations you’ve made it…”
“You see, this mine stopped operating after a great explosion, many innocent people died back in the day, therefore the cause of the explosion isn’t still known… This is how it works, explosion usually has causalties.” He spoke and I inhaled deeply.
“You didn’t…” I breathed out in disbelief.
“Or maybe I did.” He said and I felt wings on my legs as I sprinted down the entrance and I saw him chase after me when Alan’s voice was heard and maybe a few shots. I don’t know if he was still after me. I soon found myself on the ladder Jake showed me and started climbing down, if he was after me he would have made it to the entrance cut down the ladder and I would already be dead… Right?
“Jake!” I exclaimed and my voice echoed all through the tunnels. I started running and running I was lost by now. My phone bombardised with concerned messages while I was looking everywhere for him or the explosives. Not that I would know what to do with them.
I was out of breath, I have no idea how long I have been running around those tunnels, it must have been twenty minutes and I was in denial. I was lost. I paused in a fork path and took a deep breath when I heard a crack from the floor and I felt a pair of hands pulling me on a narrow tunnel. I was out of breath I felt a pair of hands pulling me on a narrow tunnel. It was over my mouth and pressed over my neck. I couldn’t escape or scream… I froze.
A/N: Hey, I replayed the whole game and I feel pretty confident into staritng a small fic again. There will potentially be more chapters on the way. I accept requests of duskwood characters and I would also appreciate your opinion.
Have a great day:)
Yours, silvermist
#duskwood jessy#duskwood hannah#duskwood everbyte#duskwood thomas#duskwood#duskwood jake#duskwood jake x mc#duskwood alan#hannah donfort#jake x mc#jake donfort#lilly donfort#duskwood dan#duskwood richy#duskwood fanfic#duskwood fandom#duskwood mc#everbyte studios#duskwood phil
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The Consort and the Warlord Ch16
Summary: Megatron uses the All Spark to gain access to Cybertron and demands a peace treaty. An Autobot Consort is offered and Optimus is chosen. A Bonding Ceremony takes place and now Optimus has three vorn to figure out exactly what Megatron wants to do with Cybertron.
Pairing: Optimus Prime x Megatron
Continuity: Animated
Status: Ongoing
It didn't take long for Optimus to get used to his new post as Ultra Magnus' secretary. The first cycle was spent shadowing him, learning his schedule and being introduced to other mechs that Optimus has never met. A second cycle to be introduced to the Council, to go over everything that Megatron had done and a third cycle to test the oils and start working for real. By the fourth cycle, Optimus was certain he could do most of the filing himself, only needing to ask Ultra Magnus about specific data pads or how he wanted a meeting rescheduled. Before then, Optimus hadn't realized not only how many meetings that his leader went to but how many fuelings he took with Council members, politicians and nobility that made up upper Iacon. Optimus was grateful that he didn't have to go to any of these; knowing full well he couldn't handle the high scale lifestyle thry afforded. Though he was still introduced to each bot when they met up before being dismissed for the cycle.
It was on the fifth cycle that Optimus met Sentinel Prime for the first time since returning to Iacon. The mech gave him a disgusted look but sauntered over like he was the most powerful mech there. With little hesitation, Sentinel draped his arm across Optimus' shoulder kibble like he'd done countless times in the past. Optimus felt a bit of panic sink in his tanks as his processor tried to figure out exactly what Sentinel wanted.
"Hey there, Optimus old buddy." Sentinel began, his tone not nearly as condescending as Optimus was used to. "I hear you've gotten yourself back into Ultra Magnus' good graces and even got yourself a spot in Council meetings. Must be nice having someone do all of the work for you."
"Let go, Sentinel." Optimus said, stepping out of the other mech's hold. He ex-vented in relief when Sentinel didn't try to touch him again. "It's only a temporary position until everything with the Decepticons is figured out."
"Of course it is!" Sentinel scoffed, shrugging and stepping closer to Optimus once more. "After all, a position at Ultra Magnus' side is meant for better bots than you."
"Like you?" Optimus goaded.
"Obviously!" Sentinel exclaimed. "I am his right servo mech! I'm the closest to being the next Magnus and you're just his glorified secretary bot! Though even that's too good of a position for the likes of you!"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Optimus asked, clenching his servos.
"It means that once Ultra Magnus remembers how much of a frag up you are, he'll send you straight back to repairing space bridges where you belong!" Sentinel got in close, jutting his digit against Optimus' chassis. "Because that's all you deserve, that or cleaning gutters!"
As Sentinel walked away, Optimus said nothing. How could he when Sentinel wasn't wrong? He was a frag up who didn't even deserve to lead a space repair team and his own selfishness had led to them being offlined. Instead he trudged back to his habsuite, a small accommodation near the tower that Ultra Magnus had set up for him. Another thing that was far nicer than anything Optimus deserved.
The habsuite was sparce of anything personal, rented furniture and appliances decorated it without a single piece of individuality. Optimus just didn't see a point in trying to make the place feel like home when it could be taken from him at any time. And aside from the short commute to his current place of employment, the only nice part was the nice view it gave him of Iacon being on the top floor. Another aspect that Optimus knew he shouldn't have but at least he could appreciate it whilst he did.
Like usual, Optimus entered the habsuite, turned on the lights and immediately collapsed onto the small sofa occupying the living space. The large windows showed him a beautiful sky as Hadeen began to sink but Optimus found himself too tired to appreciate it. His conversation with Sentinel kept playing over and over in his processor and while he couldn't fault the mech, part of him thought that Sentinel hadn't said everything he'd intended neither. Like he was holding back and knew something Optimus didn't know and wasn't allowed to know. Sentinel was never good at hiding things.
Optimus decided that pondering such things would just cause him more stress than he already had. Instead he opted to take a shower, refuel and get some work done to prepare for the next cycle. That would get his processor off of things and let him focus on what was truly important, like the five meetings and two meal plans Ultra Magnus had the next day on top of his normal work. The schedule would be tight and Optimus couldn't falter, not at a time like this.
So he got up and made his way to his berthroom which was right across from the wall of windows. The door opened automatically for him and he'd just made it to the attached wash rack when he heard the sound of pede steps coming from the other room. At first he thought he was hearing things but a shushed curse came along with a dense thud and now Optimus was sure someone had broken in. Pulling his axe from his subspace, he opened the door to face his intruder but froze.
There, taking up most of his living space and with his back kibble to rhe window, stood Megatron. Shadows cast in front of him, red optics glowing above as they stared down at Optimus. They grew wider just slightly before narrowing as the warlord took a step closer to Optimus and reached out his servo. Optimus took a step back in panic, his kibble hitting the wall behind him as he pointed his axe at the Decepticon in an attempt to keep distance between them. Megatron stopped, looking at the axe and then back to Optimus who glared at him, fear leaking from his field.
"Optimus-" Megatron began.
"Stay away!" Optimus shouted. "H-how did you get here?"
Megatron glanced back and Optimus followed his gaze to the wall of windows where one was opened. He didn't know they did that. Why did they do that?
"Why are you here?" Optimus asked. He wanted to comm for help but feared the moment he tried, Megatron would attack. Right now he seemed non-threatening but Optimus knew that could change in a spark beat.
"Why do you think?" Megatron asked. He didn't like how Optimus was behaving. At first he thought it was an act and somebot was watching but the fear he could feel was real. Something happened to his consort and Megatron would find out what.
"I won't go back!" Optimus protested. "Not after what you did to me!" He tried pushing himself against the wall more– he wanted to disappear right into it.
"And tell me, what did I do to you?" Megatron asked, stepping closer. Maybe not the wisest idea, but he needed answers.
Optimus hesitated, panic visible in his field and features. He readjusted his grip on his axe as his pedes shuffled a bit to keep him from falling. "Y-you attacked me! You held me down and tore out my Autobot mark!" Optimus shouted. "And when I tried to escape you beat me till I was nearly offline!"
"You removed your mark of your own accord." Megatron stated firmly.
"Liar!"
Optimus lunged forward, bring his axe down ad best as he could. But raw emotions did not make for accuracy and Megatron easily disarmed him. As soon as his axe hit the ground, Megatron pulled Optimus to his chassis with one arm, holding him securely despite the feeble protest the smaller bot continued to give him. These stopped though when Megatron brought his servo to Optimus' cheek plate.
"What have they done to you?" Megatron asked, his voice stressed as his field washed over Optimus.
The small bot looked at his captor in shock at the confusion, the pain he felt coming from Megatron. Why was the one feeling pain? It should be him who was hurt after everything!
Megatron was a master manipulator! He was gas lighting him!
So why does he seem so sincere?
No it's a lie! A trick!
So why does being next to him feel so safe?
"Hey, Megatron can I come in? It's scary being out here?"
Optimus froze. He knew that voice, he'd never forget it. He struggled a bit trying to see who Megatron was now turned to and when he finally got a glimpse, it was of the bright yellow armor. Brightened by the sun and full of color stood a mech Optimus thought was dead.
"Bumblebee!" Optimus exclaimed, relief riddling his voice as he nearly collapsed against Megatron in surprise. The warlord tightened his grip to steady the smaller bot before letting go. Optimus practically ran to the small bot, hugging him close before looking him over frantically.
"You're not offline!" Optimus said.
"Well I mean I almost was coming here." Bumblebee retorted. "Megatron just grabbed me and we flew here and he just left me on the sill. I can't fly!"
"Ultra Magnus said you were offlined. You and the others…" Optimus said in disbelief.
"Woah woah, wait, he said what?" Bumblebee asked. "All of us are still kicking! Even Ratchet surprisingly."
Optimus finally sank to his knees in defeat. He didn't understand. Had Ultra Magnus lied to him? But why? He covered his helm with his servos, trying to put together everything but he couldn't remember. He only remembered being attacked by Megatron and then waking up in the medic bay in Iacon with Ultra Magnus. Nothing else!
Megatron knelt beside Optimus and carefully tilted his helm towards him with a servo under his chin. Optimus was panicked and clearly trying to figure things out but Megatron knew that he couldn't. Not by himself. In all honesty only Primus knew how Megatron was able to stay so calm himself because now that he knew that Optimus had been messed with, he wanted to raze all of Iacon and have Ultra Magnus' helm on a pike. But no, he couldn't do that, not after everything his mechs have done for peace, not after everything Optimus had done to prove they could live together despite their differences. So instead he spoke as calmly as he could and hoped that his consort could understand.
"Optimus, I need you to listen, don't interrupt and let me finish everything I have to say." Megatron began. He didn't start until Optimus finally gave him a small nod, optics locked. "Your memories have been tampered with. The events that you recall, our fighting, the removal of your mark, the demise of your team and anything else have been fabricated by Ultra Magnus to turn you against me.
"I can't say I know everything but my guess is he intends to use you to respark the war. He and the Council don't approve of the fact that the civilians want to integrate with us and so they have manipulated you into being their martyr."
"That's not true!" Optimus began, leaning towards Megatron as anger began to build.
"Is it not?" Megatron asks. "Then why were you told that your team is offline but here stands one of them? Why were you told I ripped your Autobot mark from your when your own medical records show the surgery done by your own medic?"
"Why should I trust the biggest liar in the galaxy?" Optimus argued.
"Your council has held that place far longer than I've been online!" Megatron retorted.
He stood now and looked down at Optimus. He knew that it wasn't his consorts fault. If what he thought was correct and Optimus had under gone shadow play than there was no way he could do anything. But it was frustrating! It was frustrating to see the mech who'd opened up so much to them and their culture be reduced back to the single processor views of the Autobot indoctrination. And it was even more frustrating that Megatron could nothing about it at this time and neither could he take Optimus with him.
If Optimus had truly been subjected to shadow play, then he needed to change his approach about the entire situation. Grabbing him and bringing him back to Kaon by force would be counter productive and could very well make things worse. He also needed to find a bot familiar with the procedure so he could find some way to reverse it. Sure he'd never heard of such things being done or being possible but he wouldn't just let Optimus go back to being a drone of rhe Council's, not after everything the two had been through. So instead, Megatron turned back to the window and grabbed Bumblebee by his scruff.
"I will leave for this cycle but I'd suggest asking your Magnus about the questions you can't find answers to." Megatron said before jumping out and flying off.
Optimus knew he needed to report this. Primus he should've reported it the moment he saw the warlord but instead he sat on the floor of his habsuite as Megatron’s figure disappeared along with the rest of the light of Hadeen. And when the sky finally turned dark and the first moon came into view, only then did Optimus stand up and close the window before making his way back to his berthroom and collapsing on his berth. He didn't have the energy to deal with anything for the remainder of that cycle.
When the next cycle came, Optimus found himself outside Ultra Magnus' office with datapads in servo and a knot in his tanks. The knocked over sofa from the cycle before proved that Megatron had in fact entered his habsuite and had not been some nightmare Optimus' stressed processor had created. And the fact that he had walked there meant that his decision to not report the break in was also true and his guilt began to eat away at him. But Megatron’s glyphs played on repeat in his processor and he needed to ask at least one question to his leader.
So when he finally entered and found Ultra Magnus already at his desk, he decided that running away was not an option. Gathering every bit of courage he had, Optimus walked up to the large desk and waited for Ultra Magnus to notice him. When the large mech finally did, he put down his datapad to give him a polite greeting.
"It is good to see you, Optimus, did your recharge well?" Ultra Magnus asked, his optics looking the smaller bot up and down.
"Ah, I-yes I did, thank you for asking." Optimus lied. His grip on the datapads tightened but he would not falter now. "Ultra Magnus, sir, could I ask a question?"
"You may." Ultra Magnus answered.
"Did you lie to me about my team being offline?" Optimus asked quickly. He looked down at his pedes in shock. He hadn't meant to blurt it out like that! The entire scenario he'd spent half of the night cycle trying to figure out having gone out the window. He couldn't look at his leader now but when Ultra Magnus said his designation, Optimus had to look up.
"Why do you ask that?" He narrowed his optics, suspicion radiating from him despite his tightly closed field. Optimus felt his tanks sink.
"I-I saw Bumblebee on my way to my habsuite." Optimus said carefully. It was a lie, he was lying but he just couldn't bring himself to admit that Megatron had been in his habsuite the night cycle before.
Ultra Magnus let out a deep vent before sitting back in his chair. Optimus glanced up at him and it was obvious that his leader seemed annoyed by what he said but not necessarily upset.
"I believe I told you they were compromised." Ultra Magnus began. "I meant it in that they were persuaded to join the Decepticons. When you took it as them being offline, I figured that was easier for you to accept at the time than knowing that your team betrayed you."
Optimus said nothing. It made sense. Bumblebee had been pretty comfortable around Megatron, something he never would've been. Then did Megatron bring him to try and sway him to his side? Optimus couldn't remember how the speedster or his other team members interacted with tge Decepticons. Did they get along? He couldn't remember…
"Optimus." Ultra Magnus spoke his name loudly. Clearly it wasn't the first time he'd been called.
"I apologize, sir." Optimus said quickly. "I was caught off guard seeing Bumblebee again."
"I should've explained the situation once you'd settled down but now that you know, I expect you to treat them as you would any other con." Ultra Magnus spoke coldly, like he wouldn't accept any different.
And with a heavy spark, Optimus agreed.
#fanfic#fanfiction#megatron#optimus prime#optimus x megatron#the consort and the warlord#transformers animated
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❝ 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐞❞
In this first post, I would like to introduce myself and share some of my personal background. I believe that getting to know someone's story can help build a better understanding and connection between people. So, here's a little bit about me.
Hello, I'm Heidi. My first name is supposed to be spelled with a 'y' as Heidy, but for safety reasons, I prefer to use Heidi and not include my full name. I am from Indonesia.
I was born in Dili, Timor Leste on June 30, 1998. Although I was born there, there were riots in Timor Leste at the time, so my late maternal grandmother took me to a safe place when I was a baby. My parents followed not long after, and the rest was a journey of moving from one city in Indonesia to another, which happened about four times.
Now try to keep up with me haha.
The first city I lived in after birth was Manokwari, West Papua, where I spent four years (1999-2003) while attending preschool. As a toddler, I don't recall much except for playing with my stuffed doll. I then relocated to Denpasar, Bali, where I lived for almost two years (2003-2005), including attending school from kindergarten through the end of first grade. During my time there, I studied and competed in an abacus competition, although I only remember receiving a number three sticker once and am unsure of its significance.
I also have a bit of a mystical story here about when I was a child when I was living in Bali, but this will be told at another time. For a spooky and horror story time.
Moving on, the second longest city I've lived in is Manado, North Sulawesi, where I spent eight years (2005-2013). As a result, the language spoken in my home is a mix of Manadonese and basic Indonesian, which is still used today. I attended school here from the second grade of primary school until the end of middle school.
When I first started middle school, I was placed in the top class for outstanding students, but for some reason, after seventh grade, the class was removed. Nonetheless, I finished in third place out of the top ten in my eighth-grade class.
I must admit that I'm not someone who talks much to my friends here; almost all of them think I'm mute. I was even verbally bullied; the boys didn't even want to approach me and always mocked me for not being able to speak. There was also a girl who used to make fun of me by saying I was mute until I threw an empty water bottle at her in anger. Basically, they thought I was a freak.
In reality, I only talked frequently with certain people. I was lucky to have five good friends with whom I could hang out. We even thought about forming a music band, but it never materialized because we weren't all good at playing our instruments, haha. I also hung out at my friends' houses, both inside and outside of my circle.
Despite the good times, it often felt like living in hell because others weren't as respectful. However, I now understand that we were all just kids back then, and people's attitudes, behaviors, and personalities inevitably change over time. While I never felt particularly close to them, I believe that people can and do change. Nevertheless, I have no desire to meet them, but I simply wish them a healthy and happy life.
Moving on, the city that I have been living in until now is Balikpapan, located in East Kalimantan, for the past nine years (2013-present). I attended high school here until I graduated, and then moved to Jakarta to pursue my bachelor's degree. However, whenever I had the opportunity to take a vacation for a couple of weeks, I flew back and forth on a plane to spend time at home. The following year, my sister joined me at the same university, so I occasionally flew back and forth with her.
I have many stories while studying offline at my university, but they will also be told at another time.
Mainly at my university, I became a class leader twice for two semesters. During my first year, I met four of my best friends, and together we formed a group called FHAIF, which is named after the five of us. I also have an amazing and thoughtful roommate, as well as another amazing, loud, and kind roommate. Additionally, I have a male best friend who is half-Thai and half-Indonesian, and several other friends whom I cannot describe individually due to the length of this introduction.
Furthermore, I befriended almost everyone in my field of study. I don't mean to brag, but it's true that our group, including myself, was well-known throughout the university among seniors and juniors alike. We were probably one of the most popular groups on campus.
My social environment underwent significant changes during my university years. I took part in various events and organizations, gaining valuable experience and making numerous new connections.
I also have some interesting crush stories to share, but that will have to wait for another time haha.
Anyway, returning to the subject of when I started living in Balikpapan, I won't deny that I had a bit of a culture shock moment at first. I struggled with learning the local language and adjusting to a new environment. I would observe the people around me, listen to how they spoke, and gradually adapt to my surroundings.
Eventually, I was able to make friends with a few people and gradually broaden my connections. People my age in this city are different from my friends in middle school in the previous city; they are friendlier and more respectful.
Although I didn't join any organization here, I've gained quite a bit of experience in making friends. As usual, I always hang out at my friends' houses whenever I am invited or permitted to do so. However, my parents refused to allow me to spend the night at a friend's house because it would be inconvenient for the hosts.
There was another time when I went to a funeral for one of my classmates, and everyone came to mourn and see the coffin being buried. However, I did not witness the burial because some Indonesians believe in superstitions that must be done before and after visiting the grave, and it takes quite a few things to do. So, I just stayed in my friend's car, waiting for the funeral burial to end with the rest of my friends.
Oh, and there was also another where I once skipped a class in high school, jumped the fence, and joined one of my classmates in her car with one of my friends, we were going somewhere I don't remember much about it now. Don't worry, this happened only once, or perhaps not.
I also remembered skipping some classes because I was sick with GERD. I called my mom and told her about it; I remember crying because of the pain. She became so concerned and rushed over to the school to pick me up.
The pain was so severe that I had to be lifted on a stretcher in the middle of a class. I couldn't walk or breathe and had to crouch on my desk while holding my stomach. It was even painful to move my left foot due to the pain in my lower abdomen.
Afterward, on the stretcher, I just covered my face because I was embarrassed to be seen like that by so many people along the way to the car.
But overall, those were all good times haha.
Anyhow, by the time you read this paragraph, I will already be 24 years old in 2022. I have two siblings who can be chaotic at times, and two loving parents. I'm the oldest of three children, with one sister and one brother. My 23-year-old sister is only a year and four months younger than me (born in 1999). While my younger brother, who is five years younger than me, is now 19 years old (born in 2003). The three of us are currently studying at our respective universities.
At home, according to my siblings, I am an angry and noisy person. I'm always angry at them and like to act like a child. As a result, my sister has saved me as "Madam Baby" in her phone contacts, and my brother has saved me as "Assistant" or "household assistant" (cry). It's because whenever I clean the house with my bare face, he says I look like one and teases me about it ...
They can be annoying at times, as we tend to make a big deal out of trivial matters.
We also enjoy playing around and making stupid jokes about each other, as well as sharing our struggles and supporting each other. However, we rarely say "I love you" to each other because, well, who admits that to their siblings? Certainly not us.
But we do know that we love each other, just as we show our love to our parents in our own unique ways without directly saying it.
Despite all the ups and downs that I cannot mention in detail in this introduction, but perhaps in the near future, these experiences have taught me valuable lessons and given me a unique perspective on life. I believe that they have made me stronger and more resilient. I look forward to sharing more about myself and connecting with others who may have had similar experiences. Thank you for taking the time to read my introduction.
That's enough about me. These events have shaped me into who I am today, and I'm happy to welcome you into my personal space ♥
#introduction#about me#introductory post#introducing myself#introducing me#story time#true story#original story#storytelling#life story#growing up#events#long story lol#long story short#story telling
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Well, it's definitely been one of the most years. Not all good, but a lot of it was. A lot of changes I would never have anticipated at this time during the last one.
In terms of tangible achievements, I posted 38,172 words to AO3 this year. Considering I also have a 50K+ second draft being edited for sharing now, as well as a few messier first drafts, that more or less gets me up to the coveted hundred. Not bad at all. Maybe more importantly, as a writer who runs long by nature, I'm pretty impressed with how well I did with shorter pieces this year.
On a more personal level, I'm pleased to notice how much more outgoing I've become, offline and on. It's been a process in place for a while that I only really picked up on recently. For a long time I've made a sort of peace with who I am and enjoyed the experience of being me, but introducing others into that purposefully can be a minefield. But I feel like I'm finally hitting a place where I think I'm an alright person some people might like to get to know; and if they don't, I still deserve to try. I've also apparently mastered switching between tasks, which was my biggest hurdle for a long time, and learned that while I don't do well under a strict routine imposed on me by someone else, I do need some degree of external impetus to bolster my self-motivation. Look at that! Self-knowledge that's actually useful in helping me navigate the world and think on what accommodations I might need!
As for next year, I suppose I'm aiming to keep doing what I'm doing but do it all more consistently. Write every single day, even if it's just one sentence. Carry on with the good habits I've cultivated, knock off some of the bad ones related to eating and exercising that set in last year, finishing up the home learning qualifications I'm doing. I have a couple of longish fics I want to bang out and I'm also thinking the next test of my skill is writing some original short stories, where I don't have the additional context of canon and other linked works to do some of the heavy lifting in worldbuilding and characterisation for me. I only read a scant handful of books this year, even if I did read a lot of fanfic, so that needs to change in the next. More non-fiction, especially.
"Be more social" was on the list, and still is, but after a recent Covid scare (all is well) I got a welcome reminder of the need to be careful when doing that. The D&D game is definitely a go, though, since we've been trying to get it off the ground for so long.
Now tell me your biggest accomplishment or milestone from this year - the most meaningful or impactful one, even if it sounds small.
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friendsorenemies.com
this is an essay i recently submitted on my masters degree, about the now defunct website; (bonus at the the bottom - the full text of the edit I added to wikipedia (after the bibliography))
Upon choosing this module, I had not made a single edit on Wikipedia, always finding the complete information I needed, and never being in a position where I knew more about something than the page did. That changed recently when I had discovered an early social media site on the Internet Archive and struggled incredibly to find any information about it, so I knew it had to be me who made this public knowledge.
My lack of edits stem from there not being many factors surrounding the early 2000’s alternative music scene that are up for debate. Music in the 2000’s was greatly documented, and with blogging platform websites such as LiveJournal, where fans could make communities, we can see events unfold in real time while looking at archived journals. Interestingly, this uncontroversial area of interest is mirrored greatly in my own editing experience.
I settled upon my edits to include information about blogging platform Friends or Enemies on Pete Wentz’s Wikipedia after stumbling upon the website while viewing archived band websites, all of whom were signed to Decaydance Records (Wentz’s Label). Following links to this website, I was amazed by the vastness of communication from musicians to fans, yet shocked I had never heard about it before, considering the Decaydance label is still active. I went through Wentz’s Wikipedia history and only found one mention of the site, in June 2008, which stated that Wentz posted on his official blog that he is expecting his first child. I remain unsure as to why such a notable occurrence has no digital footprint, or remnants of its heyday mentioned retrospectively in increasingly popular 2000s ‘emo’ nostalgia journalism pieces.
Beginning in week one’s reading, the Rosenzweig article had an amazing quote which summed up my thoughts on how academics view Wikipedia, and ultimately set the tone for the rest of the reading. I was very open to understanding how and why people do not like Wikipedia, to hopefully be proved wrong, but I never happened upon a consensus that was positive from the academics we were reading. McHenry, an editor for the Encyclopaedia Britannica used a ‘public restroom’ analogy while speaking of the site, expressing whether it be dirty or clean, you do not know who was there before you. This is untrue, and I fear this quote shows McHenrys incompetence with understanding the website. The nature of the page has always allowed users to view previous versions, as Halstead states: a Wikipedia page is not fixed or permanent like a chapter of a book. In places, I could not help but feel a negative attitude from the authors, seemingly threatened by a free to use website that is practically as reliable as a book.
Coming from a Digital Humanities background, I felt like I had opposing views to the Historians in our class, I supposed we used the internet in very different ways. The archive blog I run solely uses the internet to find sources, the communities I am interested in did in some ways exist offline, but online was the hub where they met and posted content. I couldn’t help but feel like some of my peers, and the academics whom we were reading, were engaging in a Technological Determinism point of view when discussing Wikipedia. This school of thought believes that a digital product is made, and then as a society, we deal with the consequences. This notion lacks nuance, as it does not recognise the intention behind an idea. Perhaps a Social Determinism of Technology understanding is more precise when thinking about this website: the users of the internet in the web2.0 era wanted a quick and handy place to obtain factual information, so Wikipedia was created. Although it did take a while for Wikipedia to become the site as we know it, with it being one of the most visited websites from the early days of its articles being published, there was a clear need for a website like this, shown by its popularity alone.
I spent several hours locating sources for my edits, wherein all but two were links from archived websites via the Internet Archive. Searching on the current internet served little use as I could not find any information, except for their old social media accounts. Friends or Enemies officially went offline in 2013, which is a relatively short time ago, but in internet time, that is long enough for it to be completely forgotten and any traces of the page be washed away by new websites and new communities. I drafted and redrafted versions attempting to make my tone of writing emulate that of the article. I was genuinely concerned that my own personal tone coming through in my writing would be a good enough reason for a moderator to remove my edits. Admittedly, I wanted my edits to be accepted as I enjoy the thought of strangers finding out about this website, hopefully inspiring them to look at my sources and experience it firsthand. Remaining neutral was simple, what I was writing about is objective: a fan site, there was no way I could take a stance which would make my entry not follow the NPOV rule. One struggle was being able to concisely explain the inception to decline in as clear a way as possible, not to make points too convoluted by getting excited and including information that was not purely vital to the idea.
I have previously mentioned the website’s popularity, which I believe in a way, is down to its NPOV, or Neutral Point of View, stance it takes on the information it displays. I had not heard of this rule until I began learning how to edit. A discussion in class was had about remaining neutral, and a point was made that remaining neutral is a viewpoint within itself. I found myself disagreeing: to remove personal politics and biases so an objective, impartial telling of events can happen, can allow people to decide for themselves which way they are going to understand the event. In week two we were asked to choose what we think is a good article, which showcases the Neutral Point of View. I chose the Stonewall Riots. The page details the night, the social climate in North America leading up to the riots, and the impact of them worldwide – at no point does the page insinuate the riots needed to happen, nor was it a good thing they happened. The unprejudiced account of events allows the reader to take from it what they want, again furthering my point about the website’s popularity, anybody holding any point of view can ingest the core information, and with the website being run by a charity, there are no political affiliations.
Much of the reading had strong thoughts on the NPOV rule, suggesting that it goes against how historians are classically trained, to include primary sources and to create a point of view regarding an event. The most interesting consequence of the NPOV rule is the behind the scenes chaos it often causes. ‘Edit Wars’ I believe to be a commonly known term amongst internet users who are familiar with Wikipedia. Luckily Wikipedia has introduced a mechanism which now prevents this, known as the Three Revert Rule which stops people undoing a page more than three times in 24 hours. Nowadays, many of the NPOV wars take place on the Talk pages, often called the Discussion pages. In class I was excited to hear that two of my peers were engaging in strong discourses surrounding their edits, as it seems they had chosen controversial topics. Aforementioned, the page I chose to edit was that of Pete Wentz, bassist of American rock band Fall Out Boy, seemingly not as controversial as some pages chosen by my classmates. I posted on the talk page, made my edits, and that was the end of my experience. I had one apostrophe corrected, and a bot changed the formatting of one of my source links. After much contemplating why my edits were not picked apart, I realised that unlike history that was written in books and passed generation to generation, I could physically see the web page, the history I was talking about, I had solid dates and references. Nothing I posted could be up for debate, as it was genuinely factual with proof, unlike my contemporaries who were in passionate discussions about location and wording. My topic was incredibly interesting to me but did not unnerve the moderators of the page. Reflecting further on our class discussion, it seems my peers had a more ‘classic’ Wikipedia editing experience than myself, at least a version of events which seems to be mentioned in academic writing. Indeed it may be that there are larger amounts of small details to be concerned with on historical pages, yet I wish that I had encountered some issues as I would be intrigued to find out why my edits would not be approved by the wider community.
Relating to regular editors, studies have shown the demographic is 90% male, and 75% of contributors have some kind of degree. Understandably, arguments have been made regarding that the 90% of male editors are those who uphold the Neutral Point of View, but how neutral can it be if it is coming from a middle-class, educated, white male perspective? To very much contradict myself from an earlier paragraph in this essay, I do stand by this argument that Wikipedia is dominated by the male higher education demographic, whilst still arguing that the NPOV is crucial. I believe a neutral point of view is slightly better than no neutrality whatsoever, unfortunately even if it is coming from a 90% male point of view. A great piece was written by University College London Royal History Society about the editors and amount of pages about women on Wikipedia – leading to conclusions of how the demographic of editors mirrors the gender formation of articles. The work being done by the Royal History Society is aiming to change this, and encourage more women editors to become regular contributors. In hindsight, after seeing how seriously some people take the gender divide of editors, I can not help but feel a twinge of guilt over not putting this information on Wikipedia earlier, almost like my own preconceptions of the website stopped me, notably my lack of digital skill and suspecting overprotective moderators who would shun a fledgeling editor.
A fascinating Digital Culture concept which can tie into the gender of editors is that of Cyberutopia. In the early days of the counterculture net in the 1990s where it was mostly text based browsing, users were unaware of other users’ race, gender, sexuality. This allowed users to flourish, and be their truest self online. Some users hiding behind obscure display names, and not revealing their true identity mimics this, allowing people to edit and be judged solely on their edits, not background or education. However, this also allows some users to engage in Identity Tourism, by hiding behind a display name, they could introduce themselves on a talk board as a female undergraduate student, but are actually a high-school educated male. Famously, Wikipedia hired notable user Essjay who claimed to be a doctorate of History, but turned out to not be as studious as he claimed and was ultimately pushed from his role at the company, in a very early instance of somebody being caught (academic) catfishing.
Allowing anybody to edit is one of the main criticisms of the page, by academics and sceptics alike. Despite having to provide sources, and pages being regulated by chosen moderators, people have a distaste for this mode of online publishing and collaboration work. As previously mentioned, academics struggle with Wikipedia as it goes against their training, but this free to use website that has versions in 329 languages drastically opens up information to be consumed by the masses. Unlike Academic Journals that are hidden behind paywalls, and unlike books that can quickly become out of date when a new discovery in the field happens, Wikipedia can be updated in seconds making it incredibly appealing as a website to check when searching for something online. On the contrary, in some ways that Wikipedia is inaccessible is through the language of the website, as much like the rest of the internet, English is the dominating language, or with the site being partially or entirely blocked in some countries due to distrust of the content on the website. While the site is often praised for its accessibility, it does seem to be that it is by western scholars, for whom the website was built with them in mind.
One of my main takeaways from this five week module is my glowing optimism about the platform. I found it easy to edit once being taught how, and will absolutely be adding regular edits whenever I come across something noteworthy during my archive research. Through all the reading I have undertaken for this module, I have come to understand why academics are not too fond of the website, notably the NPOV blocking them from adding new narratives to the general consensus of knowledge. Yet Wikipedia truly imposes no threat to academics. Peer reviewed journals are still regarded highly and hidden behind paywalls, the average member of the public is not privy to groundbreaking research, but Wikipedia is the next best thing in the dissemination of knowledge. I sincerely hope the webpage has some longevity, as it truly does serve a great purpose in ordinary people’s lives. This module has helped me to demystify the logistics of the online encyclopaedia, and ultimately made me appreciate it even more than I originally did.
Bibliography
Halstead, D G, ‘Accuracy and quality in historical representation: Wikipedia, textbooks and the Investiture Controversy’, Digital Medievalist 9 (2013).
Harrison, S, ‘Why China Blocked Wikipedia in All Languages’, Slate (May 2019), https://slate.com/technology/2019/05/wikipedia-china-block-censorship-tiananmen-square.html [accessed 1 November 2022].
Jensen, R, ‘Military History on the Electronic Frontier: Wikipedia Fights the War of 1812’, Journal of Military History, 76 (2012), pp. 1169 – 1177.
Leonard, V, ‘How Can Historians Achieve Inclusivity In Digital Archives?’, Royal History Society, (December 2019), https://blog.royalhistsoc.org/2019/12/16/how-can-historians-achieve-inclusivity-in-digital-archives/, [accessed 31 October 2022].
‘Most Popular Websites in the World 1996/2021’, Statistics & Data 2021, https://statisticsanddata.org/data/most-popular-websites-in-the-world-1996-2021/ [accessed 1 November 2022].
‘Pete Wentz – Wikipedia, the free encyclopaedia’, The Internet Archive (June 2008), https://web.archive.org/web/20080624235142/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pete_Wentz, [accessed 1 November 2022].
Phillips, M. G, ‘Wikipedia and History: a worthwhile partnership in the digital era?’, Rethinking History, 20.4 (2016), pp. 523 – 543.
Reed, T V, ‘How Do We Make Sense of Digitizing Cultures? Some Ways of Thinking Through The Culture-Technology Matrix’, ‘Digitised Lives: Culture Power and Social Change in the Internet Era’, (Second Edition, New York, 2019) pp. 1 – 30, 32 – 34
Rosenzweig, R, ‘Can History Be Open Source? Wikipedia and the Future of the Past’, Journal of American History, 93.1 (2006), 117 – 146.
Steggle, M, ‘Prospero and Plagiarism: Early Modern Studies and the Rise of Wikipedia’, Digital Studies/le Champ Numerique 2.1 (2010).
‘Wikipedia:Edit warring: The three revert rule’, Wikipedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Edit_warring [accessed 1 November 2022].
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my wikipedia edits [sic] to include hyperlinks and references;
Friends or Enemies was a blogging platform created by Wentz to showcase "VIP" content of the bands signed to DCD2. The site first appeared online in the latter half of 2005 stating "coming this fall".[52] On January 16, 2006 the page published its first post, welcoming people to its BETA version; earlier that day Wentz appeared on MTV's TRL wearing a friendsorenemies.com branded t-shirt, to promote the website.[53] The platform allowed its users to customise their own page, comment and reply, and post entries on their profile. In support of Friends or Enemies, William Beckett of The Academy Is... posted on their website that it is "the hatester's MySpace",[54] and Cobra Starship shared a preview of their music video, Church of Hot Addiction on the website, a week before it was to be aired on MTV2.[55] By February 2007, Equalstudio, the designer and host of the website, stated there were over 100,000 members on Friends or Enemies.[56] The website became a hub for posting tour announcements and updates, and had increased its VIP journals to include bands that were not signed to DCD2, such as Armour For Sleep and Innerpartysystem[57][58]
In 2009, Twitter[59] and Facebook[60] accounts were created, which posted the same content as the website, that was still being regularly updated with blogs and competitions. Also in 2009, Friends or Enemies began posting on their YouTube channel which published skits, live performances and interviews.[61] Through 2011 and 2012, the social media pages began to post links to new music videos, while the website continued with blog updates from bands. Despite 2012 being the year for the website that had amassed the most blog posts, in January 2013, Wentz posted an edited photograph of Britney Spears with a shaved head, which served as his last post.[62] By May 2013, the homepage stated the "Network [is] offline"[63] and has remained down since.
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You turn back to your desk, once again opening your instant messenger. The ANGEL's strange chat logs are still open, but that isn't the only thing that catches your eye. Your FRIEND's messages are still unanswered from God knows how long ago. They probably deserve an answer as to what has been going on.
Talk to friend>
[Apotheosis91 is ONLINE]
Apotheosis91: Hey, I’m sorry I haven’t been on in a while
Apotheosis91: I actually don’t even know how long it’s been
Apotheosis91: Listen though, something amazing happened
Apotheosis91: An angel is in my room right now and it’s connected to everything in my room, it’s promising me that with its help we can actually find Eden
Apotheosis91: I’m still searching for hints, but I think the angel can help, and maybe that means we can both make it back to Eden
Apotheosis91: Hopefully you’re online again soon because this is huge
Apotheosis91: Back to it now though, I’ll talk to you again soon
[Apotheosis91 is OFFLINE]
You sigh and lean back in your desk chair. Although the update was necessary, the social interaction was still frustrating and tiring. But at least the weight is off your chest now, and you can focus on the more important conversation.
Talk to angel>
[App00thheeeeee is ON99dkkIINENE]
4poth91911: Hello? Are you there?
9000s0mmmmm: INDEED I AM, WORTHY ONE. WHAT WILL YOU ASK OF ME?
Ap3pp33mm: I’m unsure of where to look for clues, I can read the passage but I don’t know how to interpret that into a URLI can use.
OpDKMFMMM…\: WORRY NOT WORTHY ONE, ALTHOUGH I CANNOT PROVIDE YOU WITH DIRECT ANSWERS, I CAN GUIDE YOU ON THE CORRECT PATH. SIMPLY SEARCH WHERE YOU FEEL YOUR SOUL GUIDING YOU.
A99ik…-ppp: Alright, I’ll do my best. But I also have other questions.
8oooKIIIIIo: SIMPLY ASK WHATEVER YOU WISH OF ME
Amkkkkpp009919: I tried to speak to you earlier, but your body seemed completely unresponsive, but you talk to me just fine on here. Why is that?
Kkkrku22,,,: IT IS TRUE THAT THE FLESH IS MY BODY, YES, BUT MY ESSENCE EXISTS BEYOND ITS BOUNDS. BY CONNECTING TO YOUR INTERFACE, I HAVE EXTENDED MYSELF.
Aootppppret1199991: So you can see and hear me through my electronics?
99dkkk.,,,welol: INDEED. ALTHOUGH THE PRESENCE OF THEM IS AGAINST THE NATURE OF HEAVEN, BY USING IT AS A MEDIUM IT IS COMPATIBLE WITH MY SOUL.
002jiiiii2m2mm2m: IN ADDITION, THE MINDS OF MORTAL HUMANS CANNOT COMPREHEND THE ESSENCE OF AN ANGEL, WERE I TO USE MY TRUE VOICE YOU WOULD SUFFER GREATLY.
A00eppppp2p2p99911: Yeah, I wasn’t able to stay conscious when you appeared in your true form.
99(JJDJDMM: YOU ARE LUCKY TO HAVE DEVELOPED SUCH A ROBUST INTERFACE, IT GRANTS ME EASE IN COMMUNICATION AND ASSISTANCE.
00d90i;;/…: APOLLO COMPUTERS ARE ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT TO THIS PROCESS.
28hb’[‘[;kkk: BUT ENOUGH IDLE TALK, YOU MUST CONTINUE TO SEEK OUT EDEN. BY CONNECTING TO YOUR INTERFACE I HAVE AWAKENED ITS FULL POTENTIAL, AND MADE THINGS OUT OF REACH TO YOU ACCESSIBLE. RETURN TO PREVIOUS METHODS.
[../338nnnnmmll is O8rj.fflll/l/]
The angel hasn’t provided you with many direct answers, but you suppose that is the way with holy beings. As the guidebook says, God’s plan works in mysterious ways. At least it has provided some direction. Armed with the knowledge of Genesis, you can now seek answers through your equipment. You can search the INTERNET, use your RADIO, or tune for frequencies on your TELEVISIONS. And moreover, you feel as though perhaps you can finally understand the contents of your CASSETTES properly.
Use radio>
You once again place the headphones of your radio receiver on and confidently turn the device on, tuning frequencies. You are once again greeted by a blend of static and faint voices and music from an endless array of broadcasts, but you’re more than familiar with what you’re looking for. Eventually, after what seems like an eternity, a particularly clear signal comes through. It doesn’t sound like much at first, just white noise, but you notice the unmistakable sound of wind, and the rustling of trees. You can even make out the sound of crashing waves. It’s a soundscape that would otherwise be mundane, but to you it somehow sounds significant. You wonder why.
Use televisions>
You stand up from your desk, walking carefully across the many cables covering the floor, and make your way to your primary receiver. Adjusting the frequency, you watch as the static morphs and bends, and faint views of various broadcasts flicker in and out. But much like the radio, something comes through. A clear image, so clear it feels as though the television screen is just a window, you can see the view of a field. There’s tall, lush grass, a single tree on a hill to the right, and a noticeable stone covered in moss to the left. The entire view is ethereal, but peaceful. You catch yourself touching the screen, as if trying to reach into the field, but only find glass. And just like the radio, you can hear the crashing of waves. You feel certain now more than ever that this is significant, although you can’t figure out how.
Use cassettes>
You walk back across the room, leaning over and opening your bedside table once more, looking at your cassettes. Of course, how could you have been so blind? An angel has been trying to help you this entire time. Clearly, when you cannot understand the clues you’ve found, you should listen to what it has been telling you the entire time. All you have to do is pick up your CASSETTE PLAYER and CASSETTES and LISTEN.
Take cassette player>
You pick up the Marantz in one hand.
[Retrieved CASSETTE PLAYER]
Pick up cassettes>
You grab a stack of tapes in your other hand.
[Retrieved CASSETTE TAPES]
Listen>
NEXT
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hey, i’ve been following you for a while, and i have a question, if you’re comfortable answering
what is your experience using singular they and what has the reception been? i’ve never met/interacted with someone who specifies singular they and i am curious as to how you approach it
sincerely, a gender confused but grammar loving creature
Online, pretty much the only people who have a problem with it are the sort of assholes I don't want to talk to anyway.
(I'm still pissed off at the person who, when I was using ze/zir pronouns lo these many years ago, said they didn't know if it was supposed to be zer or zim. But like, without the context of the rest of that discussion demonstrating that he was very much not interested in learning anything about neopronouns, that looks like a good-faith question. Where anybody who understands both how to use plural 'they' and how to use both singular and plural 'you' should understand how to use singular 'they', and often demonstrate that they understand perfectly while in the process of yelling about how 'they' is never singular.)
I am very bad at offline socializing, but before pandemic there were multiple occasions when one of my housemates got to say "Everyone in our party is a singular they".
My previous place of employment did not care for my putting my pronouns in my email signature. Nor were they thrilled with my email signature reading Mx. Alex Surname, though I should note the email signature of my first manager there, Ms. Shawn Surname, because if she left out the Ms. then she'd get misgendered a lot.
My siblings and all of my extended family that I've heard opinions from, excluding my parents, have no objection whatsoever. 'That I've heard opinions from' is probably an important caveat. I'm not speaking to my parents, for reasons including but not limited to, Mom has sent out the Christmas letter five or six years in a row with the paragraph about me using the same pronouns my parents have always used for me and beginning with "[deadname]/Alex". (I forget if she did that the first Christmas after my name change too, or if she just deadnamed me full stop.)
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I know I’ve been offline for a while, but this whole month has been a rollercoaster and I feel like it's finally slowing down, so I figured I would give you a small life update before finally getting around to editing part 10! I haven’t gotten to read your new post, Eleanor, but that’s because I’ve been saving it as a reward for finishing up everything in part 11 and editing part 10 haha! I can’t wait to finally read it either later tonight or tomorrow!
Onto the more serious stuff, I suppose! Well, as I said in my last post, we started this month out getting rained on by our upstairs neighbors twice in the same week and someone damaging our front door locks (presumably to break in and steal while we were out). Great way to start February, I know! Thankfully, my brother Mike - technically, he's my sister, Honey's husband, but I call him my brother since we’ve known each other for so long - came over to fix the door and help us with our ruined ceiling tiles. Then, my great-aunt (91yo) got sick with the stomach bug and, while she is still recovering, she’s feeling well enough to not need someone with her 24/7. On top of staying with her for a while, I started three jobs in the first week of February (housekeeping and dog walking for a lady in town and PCA work for a bedbound woman in the area) only to have the first lady take my housekeeping hours away because she claims her mother could do it instead. Honestly, I was glad she took those hours back because I could barely tolerate the way that she was over my shoulder the entire time I was there. She knows that I've been a housekeeper since I was 16 and that I knew what I was doing, but I’ve come to discover that she’s a bit of a control freak in all aspects of her life, so I am more than willing to let someone else handle her housekeeping 😂
Next up, my sister, Honey, and her family got a new puppy named Vanya and she is the sweetest, most loving little crackhead in our family. She loves to snuggle and gives people dirty looks if they tell her she needs to go back inside, but she has a weakness for peanut butter and listens to whatever my niece tells her to do. Vanya isn’t even a year old and they've only had her for a short time, but I will hurt anyone who dares look at her wrong because she is the fluffiest little angel and I adore her
A small, more emotional dip in things came when my Uncle Doug came over with a truckload of all of my grandparents' and Uncle John's belongings. Uncle Doug moved into their old trailer before they passed and, since the three of them have passed away, he owns the house and wanted to see if we could go through all of their belongings since he is trying to fix the place up and has no space for everything. I don't know where he thinks we have the space for everything in our apartment, but we took it all nonetheless and used our old, practically unused computer room as storage as we went through 67+ years worth of my grandparents’ things. There were a lot of emotions for me and my mom to go through and even more things that my mom didn't know her parents and brother still held onto - my great-grandmother's high school diploma and things from her business among those items - but we really loved going through the disorganized chaos that was dropped on us on a random Thursday!
Now, onto today! After all of the chaos and stress that February brought us, I feel as though things are finally coming to a point where I'm ready to keep going with the way things had been. Today, Honey and Mike came over with my old laptop, told me to set it aside for a while, and brought me out to his truck where they showed me the project they had secretly been working on for months now: an actual PC just for me! It glows and so does the keyboard and mouse they got for me, and I just can't get over how cool it is! They told me it was much deserved because of all that I do for the people in our family, but I still don't see how even though the two of them and my mom took the time to explain it. I don't do any of the things I do for recognition or gifts, so it's very hard for me to accept such an insanely expensive gift for something I do out of love for my family and those around us. I know it certainly wasn’t cheap, I’ve wanted one for ages now and done hours and hours of research trying to find a good, cheap one. I suppose I'm still reeling from it all. It will definitely take me a while to adjust to everything, especially having a mechanical keyboard in place of my old laptop's keys, but I now have an actual desk and setup that I can write at and I couldn't be more excited to start this new chapter in my writing journey. It feels like a step in a better direction, if that makes any sense at all haha!
Anyway, I hope you aren't upset with me for taking this super long break; I really hadn't intended for it to be this long of a break, but I can't say that I didn't need it with everything else going on in my life. I should have the next part up soon after I get all of the editing done and get a moodboard made up for it. I just wanted to fill you in on all that's happened during my little break from everything on the internet. I can't wait to read your new story once I get everything finished! It should be a great reward after all the work I'll be putting into everything! I hope everything has been going well for you and that you have an amazing day! 💕😊
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thanks for the tag @zeromorph !!
tagging a few people but absolutely no pressure, and if I don’t tag you but you wanna answer feel free!! @cephalopodvictorious @wendelbarge @cedar-phoenix @unthinkingclunk @iwishiwasatraveler
What book are you currently reading?
Dawnstar by Rachel Dugan! it’s the second book of a pretty good fantasy romance series.
What’s your favourite movie you saw in a cinema this year?
literally could not tell you the last time I saw a movie in theaters. I think it was pre pandemic? Truly do not know. I’m hardly much of a movie person anyway, they’re too damn long anymore. I like being able to be at home and pause them when I get too restless.
What do you usually wear?
for work days, dress pants and a nice top, often button ups or nice sweaters in winter. out of work, jeans and tshirts mostly. sometimes when I’m feeling it I’ll wear skirts, because I love skirts, but I have to be in the mood.
How tall are you?
5’6.5”! and I claim every last half inch damn it.
What’s your star sign?
Aries!
Do you share your birthday with a celebrity or historical event?
Nothing of note that I’m immediately aware of.
Do you go by your name or a nickname?
Online, Kit is a nickname i adopted when I was 13 lmao. Offline I go by the short version of my real name, so nickname I suppose.
Did you grow up to be what you wanted to be as a child?
Child me wanted to be a biologist, then an artist, then a vet, and late teenage me wanted to be a psychology researcher. so not at all LOL. One day I might like to go to school again for biology/botany, but that’s a long way from now if ever. Right now I’m happy where I am in tech support.
Are you in a relationship? Who is your crush if not?
Yep, been married for 7.5 years (and in a relationship with him since we were 14, which is essentially half our lives, which is… wild, to say the least. I got rly lucky on that front lol)
What’s something you’re good at versus something you’re bad at?
Good at: fixing computers/technology in general, baking, problem solving in general. Bad at: making friends and keeping my house clean
Dogs or cats?
Both!! I only have cats right now but I still one day would like a dog. I don’t know if we’ll be able to with our current cats though because Mist is scared of dogs and idk if it’d be fair to him. I really want a shepherd or cattle dog or corgi though, herding dogs are my favorites. Or a rottweiler mix because I adored the rottie mix I grew up with.
What’s something you’d like to create content for?
Uuuuuuhhhhhh Zelda maybe? I’d still love to make a good Zelda and Link cosplay for myself one day. Or Cosmere, that’s my other big all consuming interest. I don’t really do art though or fanfic writing or anything so.
What’s something you’re currently obsessed with?
At the moment, Zelda lol. I’ve been replaying breath of the wild to manage my obsession and excitement wrt tears of the kingdom
What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?
We essentially got no snow and I’m still mad about it. My last hope is we get a freak snow storm in March again like we did last year.
What’s a hidden talent of yours?
I’m really good with direction and can usually mostly remember how to get to or from a place if I’ve gone once
Are you religious?
I’ve become increasingly comfortable with the term agnostic. Sometimes I’ve wanted more but usually I’m good saying “I think there’s probably a higher power but I can’t really know” and leaving it at that.
What’s something you wish to have at this moment?
more fucking sleep. 100k free dollars a year so i can go back to fucking sleep. prescription grade cough syrup. new lungs.
#kit talks#ask game#kind of lol#thank you for the tag ruth this helped me wake up with less annoyance at the world LOL
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Missing Teddy
Kanato: I know you stole him!
Reiji: Who?
Kanato: Don't play dumb you know who!
Subaru: Tf is going on.
Kanato: Did you steal something from him?
Subaru: No?
Kanato: Someone did and it was one of you!
Ayato: Eh? What is he on about?
Reiji: Kanato calm down who did we steal from you?
Kanato: Teddy! Someone took Teddy from me!
Subaru: This is the crap I get up for?
Kanato: He's gone! Period.
Reiji: Ugh well I don't know perhaps you should-
Kanato: Search the kitchen! Good idea
Kanato had gone offline.
Laito: Okay then-
Reiji So was I was saying-
Ayato: You never said anything. Kanato started this entire convo dumbass.
Reiji: Shut up
Several Hours Earlier
Kanato's Room
Kanato: Oh I love you so much Teddy! We'll be together forever, but for now I must go.
He sets the teddy bear on the bed gingerly and hurries out of the room. Little does he know the Teddy has been awaiting this moment his whole life. Sick of constantly being thrown around and talkd to like a baby the time for action is now!
Teddy: That's what you think Kanato! I'm leaving!
But, of course Kanato didn't hear him. Teddy hops off of the bed and looks around the room. He wasn't sure where he'd go but, he'd find a place sooner or later. He gathers things around the room and put them into a makeshift bag he made in secret when Kanato wasn't around. After he finished Teddy decided he might a well give Kanato one last goodbye. He found a pencil, some paper, and thought of a good way to say goodbye.
After he gathered his thoughts he wrote the letter on the piece of paper. Of course to the regular person it was chicken scratch seeing as he was a teddy bear and he couldn't read or write. Teddy finished and looked up at the window that was left open. Somehow he climbed up towards it using things scattered around Kanato's room. He looked back at the room one last time before dissapearing like a thief in the night. The only thing that was evidence teddy was even there was a single note.
Now
Sakamaki Group Chat
Kanato: Ugh I can't find him
Reiji: Did you check your-
Kanato: Room, basement, dungeon, kitchen, all of your rooms? Yes I did!
Shu: Don't go in my room again.
Ayato: Oi he'll turn up sooner or later.
Kanato: Well I need him now!!!!
Reiji: Calm down Kanato. I'm sure he's somewhere safe and sound.
Subaru: Yeah and check your room again. You can't be too sure.
Kanato: Alright.
Kanato has gone offline.
Minutes later.
Kanato: Guys I found a note! It might be from Teddy.
He sends them all a picture of the note.
Ayato: How do you know it's from Teddy?
Subaru: You act as if he's alive or something.
Kanato: He is!
Subaru: Fine let's say he's alive. How would he escape your room? How can he even write? How come that dumbass just now decided to leave?!
Shu: I would have left years ago.
Laito: I would have left upon seeing him.
Subaru: I would have left the second he closed his eyes
Reiji: Alright we get it you guys love to go and get milk but that's not the point.
Ayato: Besides what the hell does that even say?
Kanato: I don't know but, I know someone who could read it.
Laito: You don't mean-
Kanato: Yes. Him.
Laito: :O
Subaru: Who is him?
Laito: How tf am I suppose to know.
Reiji: Then why pretend you do?
Laito: Idk
Kanato: Look I'm going to find him. Now are you guys with me or not?
Laito: Fine
Ayato: Whatever.
Subaru: I need new brothers.
Shu: Guess so.
Reiji: Alright we'll go along with this for now
Kanato: Alright then let's go!
Subaru: I could spend my time doing something else and here I am chasing after a bear. Kill me.
Ayato: Get over it and come on.
Subaru: UGH
This is all for now. I think I have this whole thing planned out in my head. Next post we'll get back to Teddy. See ya soon!
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Undertale Theory: Sans, Papyrus and Gaster Appear In Blooky’s Home
while playing a new save on the new offline account that I had tried to make the Mii look like a Mii-Frisk and even gave it the name “Frisk”...
I still plan for that to be a type of “AU” where there was only one Reset, and the first name I had used to name the fallen human was Frisk, and then after I had showed mercy and spared Goat Mom Toriel...
I Reset the Timeline, and got to change the name to Chara.
so anyway before I had ended up fighting and befriending Undyne,
I went to Blooky’s home, and I had Frisk lay down on the ground around 4:38 Am to 5:59 Am in Real Life Time.
but when I was waiting for the time to become 5:59 Am, and yeah I did get up early and I did get a nice sleep and well of course at some point I did wake up and decided to play more of that new save...
anyway while looking at the galaxy that Frisk and Blooky was laying on,
I started to notice that Sans looks like he was in there, but really big and his looking to his right, then I notice what looked to be a monster soul to his right, but it turns out when I looked again, it actually kind of looked like Gaster, you know the name you can’t use for the fallen human unless you spell it backwards.
and to the left of Sans, looks like a younger version of Papyrus but with tiny dot like “eyes” but he didn’t look like he had a mouth.
plus that Papyrus might of been around Monster Kid and Frisk’s age.
I just notice it on December 4, 2022.
I guess if you keep Frisk from moving for that long and just look really closely, you start to notice stuff.
I dub that Sans in that galaxy or space, as Titan-Sans, you know because in Deltarune there are suppose to be Titans....
he seems to be bigger than most alternate versions of Sans....
and either my eyes and mind were playing tricks on me, or Sans, Papyrus and Gaster really did appear as huge hidden images in Blooky’s house.
well I did find that possible secret message in that crossword where Sans is possibly the one who is saying “I see someone better go diet.”
sure some of the letters aren’t all close together, but you need to look very carefully in order to find them to see the words.
it’s either Sans doing that whole telling us we need to go on a diet, or it’s Gaster picking on us from across time and space.
this might be more than just a theory though, about the whole finding huge hidden images of Gaster, Sans and Papyrus in Blooky’s home but only can find them if we decide to do the whole family tradition of Blooky’s.
plus it could turn out that the Papyrus in that hidden image, could be the version from Deltarune, and that could go double for the Sans in the hidden image.
Gaster is a mystery, but I guess he could be the version that is from deltarune or could be the one from undertale or from the timeline that came before both undertale and deltarune, which could take place in the Hard Mode...
I’m not really sure if my eyes were playing tricks on me or if I really did see those three being in huge hidden images and being like with space or galaxy or universe bodies, I know for a few moments Sans seem like he looked a little bit like Steven Universe, which I guess maybe because some those little star dots or whatever kind of made a design that looked a little like his hair...
I will leave myself signed in, while I go watch Sonic Underground.
if there was a Undertale/Deltarune Crossover AU version of that cartoon,
Ralsei and Asriel would be the Sonic and Manic...
as to who would be the Sonia, I would say it would be Chara.
also maybe it’s possible that the Sans, Papyrus and Gaster I thought I saw at Napstablook’s home, could turn out to be Omnipotent and are technically very powerful to the point that not even Ink-Sans or Error-Sans can rewrite or destroy them, and not everyone has to agree about the theory.
but if by chance there has been others who have started to notice this on the Nintendo Switch when playing Undertale, either by their official online or offline accounts (I don’t mind playing both, I mean not at the same time, but you know what I mean...)
maybe there will be others who will bring it up, that they have started to notice Sans, Papyrus and Gaster show up in that little galaxy that appears when Frisk hangs out with Blooky by doing that family tradition.
don’t know if it was always there or if it only appears if you stay still long enough....
also yes I had made Frisk lay down on the floor around 4:38 Am to 5:59 Am,
because I was full of Determination to try to see that through, cause it was something I want to do...
yeah, I was weird enough to try that, I mean we do wait for Toriel most of the time in the room she left us in, and I wouldn’t be surprised if we waited for her in there until the next day in real world time, she still wouldn’t be back yet, even if we do move around while waiting, take a break for a sandwich and even bathroom breaks, and she still isn’t back yet even after the dog takes her phone...
well it is possible she wont just come back, even if you wait until the next day.
the Toriel from the Hard Mode Timeline, could be a Darkner and and Flowey from the Hard Mode might be a Darkner, or not.
Flowey doesn’t seem to follow us in Hard Mode, and the Demo version of Undertale that has Flowey, he might just be a Flower that has nothing to do with Asriel and isn’t him, and just was a normal flower that was injected with determination by Gaster, and not Alphys like it is in the full game timeline.
there seem to be already a tag with “Omnipotent Sans”, so I chose it for this post as well...
in another theory I have thanks to those possible hidden images of Sans, Papyrus and Gaster at Blooky’s home if you decide to do that family tradition wit them.
the bodies that Sans, Papyrus and even Gaster use, are just Avatar and Vessel bodies that are using that are connected to their higher dimensional selves.
so in other words, they are like Washu, Tokimi and Tsunami from Tenchi Muyo.
Gaster somehow lost his full connection to his magical organic body vessel.
he can only connect back to it sometimes, and even when the Player is able to find that gray door and find Gaster when he is once more connected to his vessel, but it doesn’t stay that way for long and he becomes disconnected from his vessel once more and is send back to where he is trapped in.
if Gaster can only connect to the Undertale World sometimes, then he could possibly make a new vessel body that looks like him, and send it to deltarune.
maybe Gaster, Sans and Papyrus wouldn’t be like Washu, Tokimi and Tsunami.
but if they were, Sans would be the Washu, Papyrus would be Tsunami, and lastly Gaster would be Tokimi.
that show is for mature audiences only, so it isn’t for little kids...and for good reason, and I know that Tenchi Muyo GXP ain’t for little kids either.
maybe I will watch more of that after I watch some episodes of Sonic Underground.
is it weird to think that if there was a crossover between Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss with Tenchi Muyo, and Washu is in her older form that is her true form....and she is hit on by Stolas’s Dad King Paimon or Charlie’s Dad Lucifer Morningstar....
it be funny if she replies “but boy, your only a child.”
lol, some might get what that means, I mean besides it being a reference to that song from the Mamma Mia Movie.
if Asmodeous and Fizzarolli were to hit on her when she is in her true adult form, well the version of her that is a Goddess.
she might tell those two the same thing that she would tell Stolas and Charlie’s Dads if they hit on her, by telling them “but boy, your only a child.”
even if Paimon, Lucifer, Asmodeous and Fizzarolli are fully grown, but she would be WAY older than them.
and well if anyone has watched most of the episodes of Tenchi Muyo, might know why Washu decided to take a different form from her true adult form.
if you think about who would win a fight, Ryoko or Vaggie, who would you think would win in that fight...?
or if there was a fight between Ayeka and Charlie, who would win...?
or like there is a fight between Razzle & Dazzle Vs Ayeka’s Guardians.
and while that is happening, Angel Dust is running off with Tenchi (still held captured), and by the time Ryoko, Vaggie, Ayeka and Charlie notice, Angel is a few yards away while holding Tenchi bridle style but still wrapped up in webs.
and then the chase starts where Angel while still holding Tenchi, is running from Vaggie, Charlie, Ryoko and Ayeka with their respective bodyguards/guardians.
of course it wouldn’t be canon, but it would be interesting.
but anyway, it’s okay that not everyone ends up seeing what looks like a huge hidden images of Sans, Papyrus and Gaster in Napstablook’s home when we decide to lay on the floor and be like garbage with them.
I’m not sure if many notice that or if it was my eyes playing tricks on me, I mean I do know I did find that whole “I see someone better go on diet.” in that crossword puzzle, and you would have to look very carefully for those words because they wont be close together, well maybe not all of them.
anyway I am also going to see that whole thing I finally notice at Blooky’s, that had to do with Sans, Papyrus and Gaster as Fan Headcanon as well.
maybe not everyone will end up seeing them, and it might just be me.
but it be nice to know that I wasn’t the only one that started to see Sans in there, as well as the possibility that Papyrus and Gaster in there as well.
but the odds of someone else noticing it are possibly 1 to 100 of happening.
if it took me and some other fans to notice the secret message in that crossword puzzle, so of course it’s gonna take a while for other fans to really look at the space or galaxy that appears in Blooky’s home when you decided to have Frisk participate in Napstablook’s family traditions.
anyway still gonna be signed on, but be back in a hour or so to check out more art and stuff, after I watch some Sonic Underground, Tenchi Muyo GXP and some other stuff....maybe I’ll watch a movie as well.
I think once I do reach Asgore’s castle, I will wait to fight him (even if I hope Toriel appears if the plan works) on December 31, 2022.
which means I want to break the barrier on Christmas, and after I do beat the game and get the happy ending in that one offline account that has a picture of a Mii-Frisk and even has the name “Frisk” in there, I will not Reset that world a second time, and let those versions of the characters live a happy life.
but I can still play Undertale on the other one and reset all I want, it’s just that one will be off limits after I get the True Pacifist Ending, I could play deltarune as well on that one that has that Mii-Frisk, so that’s good.
I hope it snows for Christmas, it be nice if it did...
#undertale theory#napstablook#sans undertale#papyrus undertale#wingdings gaster#omnipotent sans#omnipotence#avatar#vessel#fan headcanon
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offline is the new luxury
Monday, January 15th, 2024
offline is the new luxury.
Seriously. I just deleted all my social media apps yesterday because I was starting to feel like my phone had simply become a time wasting device, and most of my “friends” and “followers” were not actually real friends, just frenemies and lurkers that wanted a livestream of my suffering to laugh at and someone to pity and point at and say “hey at least my life isn’t as bad as theirs?”. I don’t need leeches and lurkers silently hating and judging me. Go live your fucking life in the real world like I am?! It’s not hard to live without social media. It’s not hard to live without doomscrolling becoming a full time unpaid job. It’s so easy to stare mindlessly at a screen for weeks on end while you put your life on hold. It’s so easy to curate a fake image to sell lies to desperate fools. What isn’t easy? Actually being an authentic messy human being living life and trying to heal and recover! We live in a society that tells us that the poor deserve bad health because they can’t afford better and then we place the disabled in a complicated legislated poverty trap as a eugenics program to kill us off faster. Western medicine ain’t shit. It’s a failed experiment sponsored by big pharma’s elites. Same with the education system. Why do I need to pay for a degree when I can Google the answers and do my own research online? And find rare valuable books on the street or at value village for a couple bucks that silently whisper to me and say “I was left here for YOU to find me”. Like that thought about Google came from a rather shitty community member that stated “I don’t need a degree, I have Google!” And despite this person’s otherwise highly problematic views- this one seems to hold value. You don’t need to pay to find answers, if you want answers, either you search for them yourself or they come to you. It’s as simple as that. Anyone asking you to pay? Are you paying for their time and expertise? Their knowledge? Are they really an expert or just another fraud? It’s best to seek answers for yourself instead of paying a fraud. But Instagram is filled with people claiming to be healers practicing “medicine” without a license and getting rich off exploiting peoples suffering while making miracle claims. It’s sick. There are so many narcs online and in the sex work industry. But it makes a lot of sense- like these people are obsessed with their image and trying to pretend to be something they’re not which is easily attained via social media marketing pageantry. I don’t really have much of a fear of missing out anymore on online nonsense. You know what I’m ACTUALLY SCARED OF MISSING OUT ON? living my fucking life authentically without feeling like I need to prove anything or put my life on display! I am scared I’ll miss another day of sunshine before a week of rain because I chose to stay inside staring at a screen instead. Like it’s a sunny day today. I was supposed to be doing laundry right now. But I decided -ya know what, I’m gonna write a blog post about my thoughts and then reschedule laundry and go outside and get some sunlight on my skin (after applying spf of course like a good slut) and get some fresh air. Might go chill (literally) in a park with some lunch but I haven’t really decided yet where today will take me. I feel like I like the long form of blog posts better and I think this will be the only place I’ll be posting online for the foreseeable future. I don’t really care who reads this blog, it’s not really a space where I care about marketing myself to potential clients other than …idk showing my true self and personality and maybe that is scary or maybe that’s exciting and interesting to know that I’m not just a doll, I’m a living, breathing human being with a brain and a heart! Shocking, I know.
Why do I think that offline is the new luxury? It’s about simply not caring about the lurkers, the haters, the critics. Not comparing yourself to others, focusing on simplicity, decreasing stress and anxiety. It’s the whole “I’ll see you when I see you”, being mysterious and moving in silence so that nobody interferes because they don’t even know what you’re doing or where you are and can’t access you or bother you. It’s about independence. It’s about living my life in privacy. It’s about my own inner peace and healing my nervous system at the end of the day and I can’t do that when I’m doomscrolling or feeling so much rage at every single tweet I see talking about how brutally cruel this world has become and how evil people behave towards others. It’s not that I want to look away or stop feeling those emotions, I recognize it’s not good for my mental health to constantly be reading about hatred. There is so much hatred online! But anyways. My time is money. I no longer want to waste it on social media. I want to put my phone down and go live my fucking life.
and that’s what I’m gonna do. Byeee
#Goodbye Social Media#blogging#daily blog post#digital detox#no FOMO#authenticity#healing#self awareness#Back to blogging
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Hiiiii I know you're offline as I'm writing this but nevertheless I still felt like jumping into your inbox and word-vomiting for a second because I've been following Mechanical Angel for quite some time now and picked it up again recently and I just made it to part IV, god I'm having a blast. I can't wait to put all my full, extensive thoughts out there once I'm done but for now I need to stress that I'm just super impressed with both your writing style and the tone/ character development as a whole but the world-building in particular got to me gooood.
Am I right to assume that a lot of research went into this???? Because you can genuinely tell, to the point I literally felt transported to the places as you described them every time and the details are just so captivating to witness. It really feels like I'm reading a ww2 novel, I feel transported back into German literature class on occasion and it's just. Impressive???
Anyway thank you SO MUCH for putting this out there, I'm so happy Mechanical Angel (and all of your works) exist!! I've already noticed that there's another story focused on Natsume/Sora set in the same universe and I can't wait to finally jump into that one too once I'm done with MA. (Especially since Natsume is in my top 4# favorite characters but that's only a bonus)
Last but not least I am very mentally ill over Eimika now, congrats, I'm rotating them in my brain a very normal and totally not concerning amount, haha
May you have a wonderful day!!
Oh hi thank you so much!! I both loved and struggled with Part IV so much, but it was extremely fun to write, especially that dumb part in ch.38... I dunno if you've reached ch.45 but that was also very fun. I hope you continue to enjoy the rest!
I'm going to ramble like an old grandma again, adding a read more thingy so the post won't be a bother to scroll past for others.
In my opinion I don't think I've done enough research! But I'll always feel like that no matter how much I do so bleugh, nevermind. The scenery is typically based on my own surroundings but changed slightly to match an European feel... I think I wrote more in the last ask answer but it has a tiny bit of spoilers, I believe. The setting is a bit of amalgamation of my own country and europe because my own surroundings is what I'm familiar with, and of course although it's supposed to be inspiried by Germany everyone drives on the left side (I think I mentioned it in a chapter note) because I didn't want to accidentally trip over myself from a simple description of where a character turns their head. It's the Little Details that are important!
I say, as if I also didn't mess up a few details here and there because I started posting before finishing the first draft and so I couldn't edit the way I used to do for my previous longfics... But yes, it was very fun adding random bits from what I learned into the story because I used to love watching WW2 docs and laughing every time the nazis messed up and suffered a crippling defeat.
Like, I'd read about how they lied to their citizens that they were doing just dandy, and then have Wataru ask Eichi if he wanted more 'false reports of our so-called victories on the battlefield' to be published in the newspapers. Because that's the funniest shit ever to me...
Then one day I'd read about the nazis being among the first to connect smoking to bad health, and I'd add something like that in a conversation between Eichi and Tatsumi, they're not nazis obviously but because of the setting's inspirations that's where I got a lot of information (but you'll have a scene later on that's more Britain than Germany, so the fic truly is a amalgamation of different european settings during WW2). And of course, people are sceptical of new medical findings, that was mentioned. And the part where Eichi mentions 'common people are suspicious of IV drips' to Mika, that was a thing in the real world too.
I wonder if there is a single medical invention that wasn't regarded with suspicion by at least one person at first.
I kind of wish I had Eichi offering gold watches to anyone who quit smoking, it would've been funny, but eh.
And of course there are some things that don't make sense because this IS an alternate world so I DO have freedom. Like, even though this takes place generally in 1930s-1940s time, tranquiliser guns weren't invented until the 1950s (by a NEW ZEALANDER!!! Colin Murdoch. He's also the genius behind the modern day syringe, if I recall correctly), but you know, I added it in anyway because alternate world, alternate invention timeframes. I wrote that fog scene where Mika is shot by Midori while also sitting outside one dark foggy morning, and I liked the scene so much I kept it in.
Anyway I'm so happy you like the world-building! It was super fun to work on! I really like rural settings for world war stories... one of my favourite authors, Michael Morpurgo has that kind of vibe going on too, my bookshelf has a few of his books. So many dog and animal stories with themes of war lingering in the background if they don't directly deal with war and I love every one of them. They're all so full of emotion, they'd always make me cry. I love the stories that can make me cry and look back and think it was the most beautiful thing I've ever read and Morpurgo's works can do that A LOT. But also I'm very emotional...
And thank YOU for this! I'm always so happy hearing someone enjoyed what I wrote!
I still need to finish that natsusora fic. It was supposed to be a part of the main story itself but because it would've taken so many chapters, I was worried about 'forcing' readers through a side story that had no bearing on eimika. So I posted it as a separate fic! It takes place during that last chapter of Part IV so you can actually have a look whenever you've started Part V.
Natsume is very out of character, however. He's in his 30s and not really the cute feminine witchy boy that he truly is in canon (at least, that's how I see him), he's an engineer and really logical... but he hates Eichi with a passion, that's VERY necessary. Nevertheless, I try to write him as close to his canon self within the au that I've shoved him in and told him to survive in. Totally fine if you end up not liking it!
Excuse the rambling!! Thank you! You have good day!!
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it's me again, I just wanted to ask you some more things 👀 (sorry for flooding your inbox with my asks, heh)
You write that you identify as a high femme and I wanted to know how do you express that in your everyday life? What are things that you do as a high femme? What makes you personally a high femme? I ask from a place of adoration rather than ignorance, I hope you don't mind
- 🦇
ah please don't worry about flooding! the little questions and messages are so sweet and i'm more than happy to talk :) i definitely won't word this as eloquently as I'd like to but it's such a considerate question my goodness. the biggest part of it is just the literal sense of the identity, i am a stone bottom and am not comfortable "giving" in most traditional senses. but beyond that i suppose to me it means offering support, kindness, and love to not only butches (though of course i hold so so much love and admiration for butches, they are truly a cornerstone of my life and have allowed me to feel comfortable and seen in spaces i never had previous) but to minority communities in general. activism is a major aspect of my identity as a femme, as so much of the historical roots of butch and femme identities lie in the uplifting and protection of not only each other but other oppressed communities, and i think it's so so important to keep that alive. i live in an area and around people that make it to where i don't really get to interact with other lesbians (let alone butch and femme lesbians) so in my daily life the smallest things that i think make up my identity typically go unnoticed lol (things like flagging with my nails) but interactions with butch and femme friends online where we can offer each other love and understanding and support are very precious to me :)
(i hope i answered this well sob, i'm still quite young and stepped into this identity mid covid so i honestly don't have a ton of offline experience within the community so some of the questions were a little trickier)
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