#I just know that Alfred was doing mad Coke and fucking bitches while in the SAS
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A very young Bruce Wayne, phoning his butler from a random party: “Alfred can you come get me? People here are doing cocaine.”
Alfred, who’d been snorting cocaine like James Bond for two decades before Bruce was even born, and only stopped because it set a bad example for his ward: “…certainly, sir.”
#idk why this came to me#I just know that Alfred was doing mad Coke and fucking bitches while in the SAS#There’s no way he wasn’t#alfred pennyworth#alfred mf pennyworth#bruce wayne#batman#dc#batfamily#batdad#batfam#tw: drugs#tw: drugs mention#cw: drugs
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Can I get some sibling Headcanons for Alfred Jones (America) and Matilda Williams (female Canada)?
This ask is from September so....sorry bb
((Edit uhhhh I used Madeline this entire time and I’m too lazy to change it so uh...oopsies lmao))
Alfred watches Maddie put makeup on and asks ‘what’s that?’ ‘what does that thing do?’ Like every two seconds
‘This is eyeliner, it goes on your water line-‘ ‘ITS TOUCHING YOUR EYEBALL WHAT THE FUCK????’
They play hockey on the pond in their subdivision and Maddie has knocked out some of Al’s teeth before. It was kinda Al’s fault for underestimating her
When Arthur cooks, Alfred will occasionally distract him so Maddie can sneak behind him and season the damn food holy cow!!! Then Francis comes over and is like ‘wow honey this is way better than last time!’ And Art’s pride swells....Maddie and Al will never tell their parents what they’ve done lmao
Maddie was taller than Alfred until high school and Alfred would get SO mad when she wore heels or even sneakers with thick soles cause he just HATED being shorter, they’d fight in the car on the way to school about it too
Alfred spilled an entire 2 liter bottle of coke on the carpet while their dads were away and Maddie called her friends over to help clean. He paid them each $5 lol
Maddie likes watching Al play video games with his friends so she can yell ‘wow nice shot bro’ and ‘cant believe I love with a pro gamer’ every time he misses or loses. Francis has stepped in on multiple occasions ‘alright honey, leave your brother alone’...Arthur lowkey encourages it. He chuckles from behind his newspaper ‘Mhm, a real winner...’
Alfred watched Maddie wax her legs once and he could not handle it “BRO??? Doesnt that hurt????” “Well yeah but not that much” and then it turned into waxing Alfred’s leg. Well...One wax strip on the back of his calf. He screamed like a bitch lmao
^^He takes a beating when playing football and lacrosse??? But the wax strip?? His weakness :)
They have almost every Just Dance game on the Wii and they get so competitive, they’ll shove each other over in order to score a few points while the other twin is down
Alfred got his drivers license before Maddie because she had to ‘work on her road rage’. Her driving instructor couldn’t believe how foul she could be :) Yup...She gets thst from her dad for sure
^^ Alfreds just sitting at a 4 way stop waving everyone by like :D you go sir!! You too maam!! Wow your car is very pretty!! And you gotta remind him that it’s his turn to go alsjlakslsks
Alfred gags when he has to do the dishes cause the soggy, leftover food on the plates grosses him out so much. Maddie has a ton of videos saved of him gagging where you could hear him from the livingroom! Then the camera pans over to Fran and Artie totally losing it
Alfred is a ‘I like ya cut g’ menace. He’ll smack Maddie on the back of the head and just laugh it up every time. It’s never hard enough to really hurt! He just does it to be obnoxious. When he’s bored he also takes her glasses or flicks her earphones out of her ears. She does the same to him so it’s fair! Ahh....sibling life...I know it very well
#aph#hetalia#ask away!#headcanons#hetalia headcanons#asks#always up for hc requests#aph america#aph canada#aph face family#aph nyo canada
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ALL OF THEM IM A NOSEY BITCH
YOU ALWAYS DO THIS
1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? MORE CEREAL THAN MILK OBVIOUSLY I’M NOT SATAN
2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? No bc my cheeks are cold as hell and I need warmth
3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? I fold the corners or put little mailings/postcards in them, whatever I have laying around!
4: how do you take your coffee/tea? Tea, nothing; coffee, milk only!
5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Yes :( There’s a gap in my teeth and I hate it. I wish my teeth were perfect.
6: do you keep plants? Nope.
7: do you name your plants? Can’t name the plants you don’t keep, my dude
8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Uhhhh...no?
9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? YES all the time.
10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Side!
11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?
12: what's your favorite planet? Pluto bc it is still a planet okay
13: what's something that made you smile today? My boyfriend’s Snapchats
14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Messy af
15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! “In space, the skin on your feet peels off.” EW SPACE WTF
16: what's your favorite pasta dish? MMMMMM any pasta tbh I’m Italian I will eat anything
17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I love my hair color the way it is now!
18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. My ex never let me forget the time I was passed out on his couch, and I woke up intermittently before falling back asleep. He was watching Rush Hour. I asked him, (HALF ASLEEP MIND YOU), Oh, is this the movie with Chris Rock and Bruce Lee? (I’m awful).
19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I write my thoughts and crazy paranoia in there boyyyyyeeeee
20: what's your favorite eye color? BROWN
21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. Uhhhhh it’s a longchamp bc I’m a white girl
22: are you a morning person? Not really
23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? SLEEP!
24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? Not sure
25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? I’ve never broken into anything omg
26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? My Uggs, because I’m a white girl
27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? Mint
28: sunrise or sunset? Sunset
29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? My BFF giggles sometimes when she talks and idk it’s cute
30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? Fuck yes, have you ever seen a spider? In your shower? Without your glasses on?
31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I LOVE SOCKS! When I get socks for Christmas I get so excited. I can fall asleep with socks on, but at some point in the night, they’re coming off my feet lol.
32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. I ate pizza while I was drunk #wowimsocool
33: what's your fave pastry? Cinnamon buns, does that count?
34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? Winnie the Motherfuckin Pooh. No :( He fell in the mud and I had to throw him out bc the washer couldn’t fix him
35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Fuck yeah I do!
36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? Noooo clue tbh
37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? Clean, but it’s always a mess
38: tell us about your pet peeves! I hate when the President sniffs into the microphone while he’s delivering some sort of address, blow ur nose next time or stop doing coke
39: what color do you wear the most? Black lol
40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? Nose ring, no special meaning I just really like it
41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? An Abundance of Katherines bc I fucking love the shit out of John Green
42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Not really tbh
43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Probably my bf
44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? The other night, at the beach! So pretty :)
45: do you trust your instincts a lot? Yes
46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. I couldn’t think of any, next question
47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Aerosol cheese
48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? Bugs, yes, ew
49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? Don’t remember!! I bought the first Glee soundtrack when it came out LOL
50: what's an odd thing you collect? Socks?
51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? I associate “All Night” by Chance the Rapper w my bf
52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? Salt bae for sure
53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? Beetlejuice was the only one, I watched a little of Pulp Fiction - they were both ok
54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? My friend :( she’s ok now but I saw her the other night and she was upset
55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? Not sure
56: what are some things you find endearing in people? Laughter and the way people get excited over things
57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? It made me feel like I’ve been having too much sugar tonight tbh
58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? I’M THE WINE MOM!!!! I am the wine QUEEN ok that’s all I ever drink. My bff is the vodka aunt, but she lives miles apart from me so we rarely drink together nowadays
59: what's your favorite myth? Dude? I don’t have one
60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, T.S. Eliot.
61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? I got a really ugly hat once, and I gave a really ugly hat once, at the same Christmas exchange party
62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? Nope
63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? Hell no I’m a living mess
64: what color is the sky where you are right now? Black
65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? Yes, my bff
66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Mad lilies! They’re my fav flower
67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Depressed and tired tbh
68: what's winter like where you live? Cold but not too cold bc you know global warming
69: what are your favorite board games? Scrabble!!
70: have you ever used a ouija board? Yes lol
71: what's your favorite kind of tea? ANY KIND! Right now I’m really feeling ginger turmeric from Trader Joe’s, though, soooo good
72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? YES.
73: what are some of your worst habits? Uhhh not going to bed early enough lol
74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. This person is a HUGE JARLEY FAN and super adorbs!!! Hates Mon-El and LOVES TO RANT ABOUT IT AND I LOVE THIS PERSON REGARDLESS
75: tell us about your pets! So I have a dog, he’s almost 12 years old which is really depressing bc he’s probably going to pass on soon :( I’m obsessed with him and love him so much!!
76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? Yeah, taking my bra off why am I still wearing it
77: pink or yellow lemonade? PINK, always
78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? Hate club, get them the fuck away from me
79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? One of my old boyfriends learned how to knit for me which I thought was very sweet
80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? Aqua! Because I like it?
81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. “Comets.”
82: are/were you good in school? Not really
83: what's some of your favorite album art? Ohhhh I know this, I love Californication’s album art so much
84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? I have seven!!
85: do you read comics? what are your faves? No
86: do you like concept albums? which ones? Wat
87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? The Lion King, BITCH
88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Not really
89: are you close to your parents? Yes
90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. NEW YORRRRRK. Concrete jungle where dreams are destroyed you’ll never get anywhere go back to long island
91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Somewhere over the summer, not sure where yet tho
92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? In the middle
93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? Top knots bc I’m lazy
94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? The Weeknd LOL
95: what are your plans for this weekend? Date night, then I’m not sure!
96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? Ohhh I procrastinate so much
97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? Not sure about the Myer-Briggs type, but I’m a scorpio + Ravenclaw
98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? Yes! I think in November. It was chilly, but a lot of fun
99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.
One Headlight - The Wallflowers (listening now)
Home - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes
Love Drought - Beyonce
Under the Bridge - RHCP
Strip My Mind - RHCP
Literally anything by RHCP
Do You Realize?? - The Flaming Lips (I cry literally every time I listen to it)
100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Neither, because I am choosing to live in the MOMENT :)
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