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idealisticrealism · 2 years

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TCL 2x01 recap

So I have many (many) thoughts about this show, and this season @enigmaticfox convinced me that instead of just bombarding her with them, I should post them here lol. So I hope that you guys enjoy my insane TCL spiralling, and feel free to respond to any of it if that takes your fancy lol

Firstly I loved that we got our usual cool cleaning montage set to badass music (aka the thing that is frequently used to represent Thony) and it turned out to be Arman instead?? I mean, he's cleaning, she's breaking the law-- what's that they say about couples who take part in each other's interests?? Lol. Though tbh I should have immediately guessed it was him in the montage bc the music was Spanish, duh

Hayak's comment about laundry was interesting, and given how he repairs all their trucks too I want to know more about his backstory. Why doesn't he respect Arman when it seems he also came from a working class background? Maybe because he feels he pulled himself up and yet Arman only rose with his help?

I feel it’s necessary to mention that Arman IS SO FUCKING PRETTY.

But maybe not super smart rn?? "I'll be running things in no time", like careful with your words there Arman, geez. Also him calling her The Cleaning Lady was kind of hot lol. It's like her superhero secret identity, or assassin name or something

(Okay where is this goddamn house???? Give me more landmarks, show!! I need to find this filming location dammit)

As much as I love Armony, Thony and Fi are the real central relationship of this show imo. Their scenes in this ep were hard to watch but so good ugh. And ugh Thony saying she and Luca belong with Fi and the kids makes me so happy (though lbr there's also someone else on her mind as well as she says this....)

It drives me nuts that I know exactly where this FBI building filming location is but I couldn't take photos in these spots lol

(Skips past garrett whining about his mistress)

"Nothing's going to happen to Marco" the moment I figured he was probably gonna die lol

Ok I'm used to Nadia and Arman arguing in Spanish but holy shit them talking all low and tenderly is actually really hot lol

Arman immediately defending Thony and making it clear that he trusts her is what I live for ugh. (Also, Nadia telling him he trusts people too much could be clever foreshadowing of her eventually betraying him late in the season, but I really hope not). But ugh his unhappy little face when she says Thony could be going to the airport-- reminds me of his wounded look in 1x03 :P

Also the cut between that line and Thony actually being at the airport was hilarious lol. Plus I love that I know exactly the spot they filmed the airport stuff in, I went into that hallway to go to the bathroom haha

Sigh Bash and Tino are growing too fast :(

God this was such inefficient searching by Thony and Garrett. He was RIGHT THERE

Lol very awkward to try to explain to Garrett why she doesn't want to leave the country where she’s an illegal immigrant.... also lol at her answering his statement that she’s still involved with Arman with "Arman's in jail". That means literally nothing Thony and you both know it?? Honestly her and Arman tying themselves in knots trying to find a believable explanation to give others about their connection is one of my favourite recurring themes in the show lol

I oddly loved hearing Nadia say "dammit, Thony"-- it gives the sense that they are getting closer in a weird way lol

Good job Chris dropping some truth bombs about marco being shit haha

Dude this Armony phone conversation is actually kind of hilarious when you realise that their whole "I guess I'm going to have to stay" hand-holding eye-lovemaking moment was literally yesterday, but her ignoring Nadia's calls has got him so freaked out that she's somehow changed her mind that he's now like 100x more desperate to get out of prison than he was just the day before haha

But oh god this phone call. Like seriously I'm forever in love with the pause and the shift of tone/sincere appeal in his "what's going on?", and then her trying to dismiss it with a sigh and a "nothing" bc she doesn't want to add to his burdens/ is so used to dealing with stuff on her own, but when he gives her even just one nudge to open up to him, she immediately tells him the truth. And ugh the clear agitation in his voice when he prompts "but what??" when she says Marco tried to take Luca on the plane. He needs to know if Thony really is about to get on a plane to chase after Luca. And then when he tells her he wishes he could be there to help her, it has that same rasp of emotion to it that was there in the 1x09 call, clearly responding to the fact she herself sounds close to tears. And THEN she says "I know you do" all gently like that???? Help???? And he asks her what she'll do now, almost like a do-over of yesterday, because he needs to know if her answer-- her plan to stay-- has changed. It's only after she mentions Garrett that he hardens again, clearly feeling jealous and replaceable (hence his commence about her not needing his help anymore), and then he orders her to call Nadia because "I need to get the hell out of here". Very telling that he's suddenly so desperate to be out, especially considering that at this point he thinks he's safe from Hayak for now, so it's clear that his desperation (whether consciously or not) has more to do with needing to be back on the playing board where he can be of worth to Thony again. And ugh Thony looks so sad when they hang up and I choose to interpret that as her wishing he was there with her rather than them being forcibly separated to both deal with things alone ugghhhh

(Super curious to know what, if anything, she said in response to him saying she didn't need his help anymore. Maybe nothing, or maybe she started to say something but he unintentionally cut her off when he spoke again, but ugh I bet she was definitely at least thinking how wrong he was)

Anyhow lollll at Arman's face when he discovers that the visitor that caused his call with Thony to get cut short and end on a tense note was Garrett. He really hates this guy and it's not just because he double-crossed him and put him in prison. Of course it's partly that-- mainly because prison is keeping him from thony-- but he really hates that Garrett now gets to be the one she turns to when she needs help, the one who is there for her and there with her. But oh my precious boy you are so blind if you think that Thony would ever willingly go to Garrett if she had any other choice lol

I feel like Fi saying Marco took Luca because of something going on between Thony and Arman– while not necessarily wrong– was pretty damn unfair? Like way to victim-blame there Fi (and lol I already posted a whole meta about this so I’ll leave it at that)

Honestly I expected Marco to call her out on the fact that she took Luca from him (and away to a foreign country) first

I'm so pleased the illegal divorce thing finally got mentioned! And it's probably nothing but I really like the way that the two times we've heard her vehemently say 'I won't!' were about 1) her refusal to betray Arman, and 2) her refusal to leave Arman the US :P

So when she says the key to everything is getting Arman out of prison, she basically means the key is her and Arman being together as a partnership again, right? We're all hearing that, right???

Ugh my poor boy knows he's fucked. I bet he wishes his phone conversation with Thony had gone differently now

At first I was confused when they didn't attack him when he was with Hayak but of course hayak needs to keep separate from it to keep his hands clean

I love Nadia for not selling out Thony to Garrett. Obviously it wasn't just for Thony's sake but I still appreciate it

Hey, it's the alley! I have a lot of pics of this spot bc I had no idea which parts would actually be in the shot lol

And aaaahh Fi goes back to the same cash place they used in 1x10! I walked right by there!

God I love this soundtrack. Also this montage of terrible disguises is great lol. And I think they actually even used one shot that is legit just Martha and Elodie laughing and I love it

It's funny that even when Garrett isn't being a direct antagonist against Thony and Arman, he's still fucking stuff up for them lol. But okay I assume when they say 'contact the exchange to freeze the account' they mean the site that hosts the online account, right? Because if they meant the physical place, then why wouldn't they have gone there to catch the person getting the money out?

I have decided that even though inmates get assigned their duties, Arman swapped whatever more desirable duty he got with someone else so he could mop instead, purely because it reminded him of Thony. (Shhh just let me have this.) And in which case that would mean that she indirectly saves his life because he then has the mop as a weapon when he's attacked lolll

I honestly yelped when the guy stabbed him. A beating I was prepared for, but not that! I literally yelled YOU FUCKING STABBED MY BOY! out loud and scared my dog lol

Also, this may earn me some judgement, but a bleeding Arman beating the shit out of two men?? That's hotttt lol

It's weird but cool to hear Fi say Nadia's name. The lines between Thony's worlds are blurring, indeed.

Fi and Chris insisting on coming with Thony is like that dude in Romeo and Juliet that doesn't get the message to Romeo in time. Just one of those small events that, if different, could have averted tragedy (though lbr I’m glad this particular ‘tragedy’ wasn’t averted haha). Also at first when Thony and Marco started arguing right outside the door I was like "why are you doing this right here, you'll wake Luca and probably other guests as well!" And then Chris came up the stairs and the shoving started and I was like "Oh that's why" lol

"It's him. Your gangster" I mean, gotta give Marco credit here bc he's kind of right?? Like lbr there's blind, baseless jealousy (like Arman towards Garrett, who is literally zero threat romantically) and then there's well-founded jealousy, and we all know Marco’s is the latter. It would be impossible to see Thony and Arman interact and not know there was some form of connection there; Marco's earlier mistake was in assuming it was just sexual in nature, but I think when he saw the way Thony pushed back against him (and against leaving the US) he started to realise it was more than that. God I wish we'd gotten to hear what she said in response to that accusation instead of having the camera switch to Fi, but from his comment about her twisting reality I assume she found a way to deflect yet again. (And in her defence, she IS also wanting to stay for Fi and the kids, and because going back to the philippines to be trapped in an unhappy marriage would be a nightmare. But still. That doesn’t negate the fact that there’s also Arman. lol)

I yelled "BYEEEEEE!" at Marco's death and my dog wagged her tail really hard lol. She knows what side to be on haha

God this cleaning job is NOT up to Thony's usual standard and it makes me so stressed lol. Almost as stressed as her literally going right up to the guy in the office and showing her face aaaaaahhhh

Also Thony seriously you need to go somewhere further away and at least change clothes and put up your hair if you're going to go back to the place where you just had a face to face conversation with a guy who would still be there! C'mon where's my brilliant doctor-slash-mob-wife lol??? (too traumatised to be thinking clearly, obviously). Also Garrett if you can't put this one together you're a terrible agent lol

Ugh obviously Arman will be fine but I still hate seeing him all stabbed lol. Still, getting Thony's reaction when she finds out will be worth it haha

Ugh I am living for these mama bears protecting their family <33333

Okay so surely the first question the cops asked at the motel was 'is there camera footage' and yet they don't appear to have it (which if they did, would close the storyline very fast)-- which means Mr Motel Moustache apparently lied to police and kept it to himself??? Why???? What does he gain from taking that risk??? He doesn't know Thony is rich and basically a mob boss, so it's probably not about blackmail, and he doesn't seem the type to go that far to protect a stranger. So why??? Is he doing sketchy stuff at the motel that he doesn’t want the cops finding out about if they get his footage?? I need answersssss lol

(Okay that’s all for week 1 haha, congrats if you made it this far lol)

#The Cleaning Lady #Armony #TCL recap #TCL 2x01 #yes I know I am DEEP down this rabbit hole lol #I have accepted my fate #TCL is life haha

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khaleesiofalicante · 2 years

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fuck I love this fic so much. The way you write this family is unmatched tbh like so few fics from any fandom make me feel this level of emotion and I am so glad I stumbled across it one day. Ok so this chapter: fuckfuckfuckfuckshit. I CANT BELIEVE ALEC WAS THERE AND SAW THE KISS. And the vomiting👍 and the not smoking or drinking yesssssss alec make good choices!!!!! I lovedddd Alec’s conversation with max and it’s so frustrating as the reader to understand what they are both thinking but them not understanding eachother but such good shit honestly. I love max’s character and although I empathised with him and understood his motivations, this chapter really reminded me of the maturing that max is still missing, the way he was speaking to alec was just so obviously TEENAGER. Just the way he was so defensive and not taking in Alec’s legitimate concerns about both his and Davids wellbeing. And maybe it was just because I am an alec Stan first and foremost but I was definitely getting frustrated at Max’s selfishness though I completely get where it is coming from and why he comes across that way idk I don’t want to talk bad about Max I love him but he is frustrating in this scene😭 And fuck alec. ALEC. Alecalecalec. I love this character so much and I think it’s because I relate more to magnus and want an alec in my life but also as an older sibling I really GET him ya know? It’s a mixture between being able to relate and admiration of him. So seeing him falling apart like this was actually really therapeutic because he fucking deserves it. Like other than jace, we’ve not really seen him been taken care of despite suffering just as much as the other characters. And I can’t wait for them to really SEE the pain he’s been dealing with alone. We got a glimpse of this with max which was stunning and beautiful and painful as it should be and I loved how max instantly became so much more childlike seeing his father cry like that. I can’t I just love their relationship and how much max loves Alec and how much he hates seeing alec cry. Of course the ending was tragic and painful and suspenseful and I’m so invested in Max and David and hate it coz I can see where that’s going😭 but I can’t help but worry that it’s going to be another distraction from Alec getting the support he needs because yet again, someone else is in pain and I can see him pulling it together to help max and David (I rlly hope my suspicions about David rn are not correct) and Alec’s emotional needs are gonna get ignored again for the sake of his family. Sorry I know my alec Bias is coming out but that’s just coz it’s a alec centric chapter😅 I love all the characters and have plenty of appreciation for max and David’s relationship but idk it feels like alec really hasn’t had a proper moment of happiness and he needs a fucking break but I’m loving the angst and the buildup and the complications and your writing is perfect ok bye.

Thank you. 💙💙

Here have a Max and Alec tiktok :)

#tlnd

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wooahaes · 2 years

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like anon said, nothing that happened was your fault. it’s never okay to do that, and you aren’t to blame in any way. i hope someday you can see someone who you can talk to and will actually help, but just know that you can talk to me if you ever want to ☺️

also YES about non sexual intimacy. i can’t explain how good it feels to read about characters bathing together just to be in each other’s presence. you have no idea how soft that stuff makes me. and where they’re just lying in bed without any clothes on, not for sexual reasons, but just to feel the other’s warmth and skin?? i’m passed out on the floor by then 🤧

anyways, take care!!!

thanks hon <3 it'll probably be a long time until i fully believe that myself. i'll keep that in mind.

(also i'm not going to answer anymore asks abt my trauma rn. if they get sent in, either they'll be left unanswered or they'll get deleted. i appreciate the kindness a lot though <3)

(also warning for nsfw topics getting discussed here???)

literally... the intimacy of just sharing a space together is... chefs kiss. skin to skin contact is so good. like i said, the sexual intimacy is cool and all but sometimes a bitch (me) is yearning to just be held.

honestly i wouldnt mind like... less "sexy" sexual stuff too if tht makes sense? like haha yeah kinky shit whatever but i think smut of two dorks just being in love and having fun w it is cute too. literally give me some losers just having giggly loving sex and being in love w each other.

ok nsfw (not explicit rly??? theres one joke in the snippit i shared) but. this is an excuse to pull up my own stupid writing (between two ocs).

context: they had planned for some kinkier shit (blindfolding, handcuffs, some degradation + some praise, some play w toys), one of them safewords bc theres overstim that she can't handle that night, and it devolves into just. two idiots in love boning.

She laughed a little at the notion. "Loser," she reached up, finding his shoulders and gently pulling him forward. "Take this off. I wanna see you."

Icarus reached forward, gently undoing the tie from around her head, and tossing it aside. She blinked a few times as her eyes grew adjusted to the dim light, and then she smiled at him.

"Hi."

He smiled at her, "Hi."

"You come here often?" She giggled, reaching up to run a hand through his hair.

"No," he hummed, "but you will."

She gently smacked his shoulder. "That was awful." Ophelia ran her thumb across the apple of his cheek, smiling at him, "I'm sorry I ruined your scene." When he was at a loss for words, she leaned up to press another kiss against his lips. "You can move, if you want."

just. idk. theyre soft and i think abt this lil thing i wrote sometimes. its oldish and not good but idk i like them being in love. it just feels hard to find stuff where it feels like love and not just lust. i think livvie's writing is the only thing thats hit that sweet spot for me, but admittedly i avoid any smut that has 0 warnings on it or any smut with choking/hair pulling warnings which is......... idk more common than u would think. nothing wrong w pure lust stuff, but idk im a domestic bitch who likes the idea of sex being intimate personally lmao thats just me tho !! <3

also icarus is not his real first name. its cameron. he just goes by icarus more often bc hes a loser who went 'it sounds cooler' lmao (it IS his middle name tho bc his mom was like... artsy as fuck) ive had this oc since i was like 13 and i still love his stupid ass.

#wooahaes.ask #maijunejuly #uhh god idk i should make a tag for when i talk abt stuff that isnt super sfw just for filtering reasons

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pearlsndrugs · 4 months

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The funny part is I didn’t know I was making you numb or happy through my pain. You didn’t live long enough for mine. No one asked for an apology but the fact you’re probably waiting for me to give you one basically is beyond me. You’ll never know me, I have to be the one to yeet myself from you when you don’t want me to sometimes. I guess that means we r toast for never giving birth to u or being the host of ur escaped ass. I have always been the real life girl you knew, little big or tired. You just didn’t know me well enough to know I’m the one that made you so grown at birth, no you don’t not date neither do I but if you could just listen.. I mean I have had it with his covert them all into Christian’s again plan. Here’s the deal: Jesus Christ was hung on a cross, got his drugs taken away instead & was stoned to death. Ted bundy was held hostage paralyzed in jail (or not to him) (and everyone in Pensacola that usually doesn’t have electric chairs) until he got a burnt piece of toast and stale coffee for his “last dinner”? What does this mean? Who took him and the electric chair? Why is someone looking for his body? Can you stop trying to take other beings prey or are u just stinky????? Like you’ll never know who I love here or not.. everyone hates the right people even like just stop— unless they hate themselves! :o when u realize the fainting was real at first you get I’ve been a legend and all around since the beginning of time. No u can’t take ur mom to hell for creating a bunch of kids from me that hated you that probably had to have a fake aura and shit to talk shit. Luckily I can see them and if they’re conscience like u don’t know me. Maybe it’s me after the room is filled of energy to make sure no one gets fuckin taken. Talking about keep me here to make sure I’m not. It’s not to identify you or me; I don’t go. I make sure you and ur little friends do bc I’m a woman. I could get a man to do anything with me ur just mad to have my stalkers shitty leftover and the stalker sometimes. U don’t know the shit you’ve done to yourself trying me but I’m just going to believe you thought I was dumb. Like you didn’t even know the right answer at first & this is why I respond as you bc I know. No it’s not an every mother thing. No you could never be like me there’s no fucking reason to be you’d just kill everyone I’m sure (still).. no way rn you’re mad to not be a pedo like everyone else like lemme just say hell no & im mad u still make the world upset when u hit on me but that’s my explanation dude.. btw lemme find out I’m hiding secret gangs and all from u hoes? Lemme find out I’m a boss ass bitch and so are my lil gangster mommas !! You guys wanted us to raise our little boys & girls well I needed love so I hope this isn’t why I’ve found it but damn I’m done with the boys. Talking about be my secret lover or not or I’ll ruin everything bc ur my mom. Dude you don’t even know who has stalked who anymore— & I don’t care honestly.. not. like “Ted Bundy” wasn’t enough it’s ok he just looks like a pedophile rn too with the way he wants them to have justice—.. but I didn’t see him complain once and is glad to not be one. Lol rip. Talking mad shit when I know who the kids are and u don’t one day incase u escape.. prove it! Like she wouldn’t, admit it’s me. Admit you needed Satan after you tried to make yourself Santa. This is when no one trusted him and was glad it was their parents and loved their parents. Low and behold our other child never died over this but is hidden to not believe she’s in love with her dad. I’m sure Ted’s pissed but soundproofed lol. I’m not fucking dealing with that shit again. Imagine you never had friends or did u? Like grow up. You found a bunch of baser creepies to chill with and then lost ur mind over one of them trying to sell you your mom. Thanks. But then y’all are trying to what? Excuse me? And this is what he’s been doing to the ones you love. Just know you’ll never be more executed than the serial killer “unknown”.. some can remember but haha—

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sarah-dipitous · 7 months

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Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 280

Who We Are/Extremis

I’m being very optimistic that after the near three hour movie I’m seeing tonight, I’m gonna want to come home and watch Doctor Who, too. But!! A little optimism never killed anyone, right?

“Who We Are”

Plot Description: Sam and Dean must fall back on their undying trust for one another when they’re caught in a war between the British and American hunters

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: (before even starting I’m gonna say probably not, unless no one dies…and even then I’m uncertain) ok, see. It was just Mary getting her orders to kill a few hunters…so yes I’d survive these particular minutes, but I would not be long for this world

Honestly? Yeah, there should be SOMETHING inside that giant bunker that will help them get out…can’t they do astral projection again? To do the manual override that’s for some reason outside? When they did the whole ghost thing way back when, they did learn and get strong enough to move objects…

I’m sorry, WHAT?!?! Now, overlooking that virgin blood actually means blood that hasn’t been used before and not the blood of someone who’s never had sex, how exactly do you “revirginize” blood?? Just blood….I’m laughing so much rn

Safety…second, I guess. You didn’t think there’d be any concrete ricocheting off the wall you’re taking a pickax to??

They’re not GONE, boys. If you can get out, you can get Mary and Cas back

Is Dean gonna get to use the grenade launcher?? Is that what’s gonna get them out?? I love that for him

Like, I know he’s alive. Probably a little injured, finding it…he got outside. He overrode the lockdown ❤️ (I knew one of them would but it’s nice that it was Dean)

I hate the brainwashing Mary’s gone under. I hate that it’s making her turn her back on her boys and like REALLY cruelly. Knowing it’s not really her is not helping

So why isn’t Bevel dead?? Do you think she’s actually going to be any help to you?? She’s not Mick, she’s not going to be as easily turned to your side, not even with what Ketch did

I love Sam owning up to his mistake trusting the BMoL. And simultaneously using it as a way to rally the other hunters to fight against them

Dean believing in Sam’s ability to lead 🥹 actually, Dean having unwavering faith in Sam after everything they’ve been through. I love them

Why is it giving revolutionary war (at least as taught by the US school system) Why do the Brits have all the best tech and resources and the Americans have just a rag tag bunch with a lot of gumption? (It’s had this vibe the whole season, but now that we’re truly at war, it’s so in your face)

Fuck. I forgot Bevel has a kid…that makes it just a bit harder for Dean to actually kill her

It’s very weird to watch thirty something year old Dean look into a crib and whisper “Sam.” That baby is Sam, we are in Mary’s memories or Dean’s or some mix

The American hunters literally all have decades old cars they’re rolling up to the state of the art BMoL facility

It’s hard to blame Mary for wanting to stay in this memory of when Dean was four and Sam was an infant. She missed out on this. This was something she really wanted, and (though partly through her own actions) it was taken from her…that doesn’t make it hurt Dean less. It doesn’t make it hurt me less to hear this speech Jensen’s knocking out of the park.

This part’s getting too real for me. Sooooo I’m gonna go ahead and project this onto Dabiiiiiiiii. This is honestly what he should have gotten. I mean, he would have been more unhinged doing it but somewhere between this super emotional speech Dean’s giving Mary and the horrible ending (so far) that the Todoroki family plot line has gotten is what Dabi should have gotten. Hearing Dean say “I need you to look at me and really see me”?? It’s too much

GODDAMN KETCH ruins everything

I hope Mary wakes up and shoots Ketch

The raid on the BMoL base is also happening but it’s not as interesting to me. I’ll let you know if something cool happens, though

They pull the “character pulls a gun, gun is offscreen, gunshot, character who originally pulled the gun is actually shot” far too often

Yeah. Of course Mary shot Ketch. Shoot him again. YEAH, GIRL!!!

Don’t get fooled again, Sam. YEAH, BOY!!! He just righted the wrong of getting drawn in by the BMoL again. Sure, turning down info about Lucifer might not be THE best idea but he does now have more than he did

Mary and Dean’s heart to heart ❤️❤️❤️ and then Sam coming in at the end ❤️❤️❤️

Oh. Also they like…BLEW UP the BMoL base. Like, Michael Bay style

“Extremis”

Plot Description: the pope urges the Doctor to read an ancient text—but can he handle the truth?

I deserve better. Yesterday we did capitalism in space and now we had to bring in catholicism???

Missyyyy!!! Ohhhhh!!!!!!!!! Is she in the vault? She was condemned to death but clearly…life, uh, found a way

Wait. Can he see with those damn sonic sunglasses?? I’m so mad they’re back, even if they make it make sense

It’s somehow weirder watching this as a former catholic than the last eight seasons of supernatural

That’s such a huge ask. Everyone who has read this document later killed themself, and now you’re asking the Doctor to???

Bill’s not out to her mom but is still bringing women home (she’s still looking for her own place/a place with roommates)? This is not a judgment on Bill, it’s just an interesting sort-of-complication for her. Does make it easier to bring someone home since her mom wouldn’t allow her to bring a man

Oh Bill, I’m so sorry the Doctor is crashing your date.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. It seems Bill’s date is new to the realization she’s into women and Bill reassures her that it’s nothing to feel guilty about AND THEN THE POPE BARGES IN THE ROOM YELLING IN ITALIAN

Bill, I’m so sorry your date got ruined and you will likely never see Penny again

It’s strange to see religion play such a huge role in this episode. Yes there have been monks of something or other in the past but never ones that speak of souls…omg Nardole. So how…I mean, I know they’ll answer it, but how’re they gonna save Missy?

Nardole, I appreciate you, even if the Doctor doesn’t

I’m not complaining that Bill gets to join but why did she have to come?

I hate to see Missy beg for her life

The animosity but really just unfamiliarity between Bill and Nardole is a fun dynamic, yet I’m glad they’re getting time together on an adventure while the Doctor tries to do some reading

There is something very touching about the Doctor vowing to guard Missy’s body for 1000 years. I know it’s just practicality because time lord but still

The portal took Bill and Nardole to THE PENTAGON??? Omg and CERN. This is one terrifying portal. What alien needs the clearance for all those places????

Wtf wtf wtfffff what are those things that took the book from the Doctor and why are there explosives under the cafeteria tables at CERN???

(Why does this feel like it’s going to be a two parter?? Just doesn’t feel like it can wrap up in the time left)

Sorry. What?? So the portals aren’t actual portals. They’re just projectors. Showing a possible world

Nardole wasn’t real in this??? Cool. And the Oval Office. Why, for a British show, are so many of these places in the US? (Unfortunately I’m pretty sure of the answer, I just don’t want to say it)

He tinkered with whatever was supposed to kill Missy 🥹

Kay. So something is coming to try to conquer earth, something that has run many simulations on how to do it, but the Doctor’s solution starts with getting things as close to this latest simulation as possible??

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

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3terna15unshin3 · 11 months

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Then Because She Goes

Beautiful, please don’t cry, I love you

★ Chapter 3 of 15, 5727 words

★ Matty Healy x Original Female Character

★ warnings: alcohol consumption

<< 2

7 September, 2018

trumanblack: Agreed but also why does it control my entire life

trumanblack: I liked it tbh the simplicity of the writing was very charming and I liked its views on adhering to social pressure and blah blah blah

trumanblack: But towards the end Keiko drove me up the wall honestly she started getting sooo unlikeable and I was like Im running out of empathy

este.manansala: Omg especially in LA. That place is a fever dream

este.manansala: I’m glad u liked it at least a little bit !!!

este.manansala: That’s interesting tho bc I am a firm believer that a main character doesn’t need to be likeable to be a good character

trumanblack: No fr that’s why when I’m here I feel like I have to actively resist the gravity of every single LA resident turning me into the same caricature of a human that they all are

trumanblack: Hmmm I guess

trumanblack: But sometimes I feel like reading is inherently like a self-inserting practice even in third person perspectives so I can’t help but disconnect when I don’t fuck with the main girl u know

este.manansala: Yeah no I get it

este. manansala: I feel like a lot of female characters are deemed unlikeable for the same reasons male ones are sympathised with

Este pressed ‘send’ on the message as she thought back to her conversation earlier, with the customer looking for classics. She definitely used Matty's point about likeable characters to sell Emma, and completely understood where he was coming from; but she wanted to give him a hard time. She felt inclined to be playful and make him laugh, for some reason.

trumanblack: Ok damn

trumanblack: You’re right

este.manansala: I know :)

trumanblack: I’m part of the problem arent I

este.manansala: Probably but I’ll let you off the hook x

este.manansala: Are u gonna give me a book of essays to read now??

trumanblack: Wait I actually will

trumanblack: I read this collection called You Are Here: Art After the Internet by Omar Kholeif bc I saw someone on the train reading it and it was so good

trumanblack: I named the new album after one of the essays in it lolll

este.manansala: It seems very meta to be telling me to read that over instagram dms

este.manansala: I’ll try and pick it up tho!

este.manansala: Busy in LA?

trumanblack: It is meta that’s why you should read it

trumanblack: And yeah we need to have the final masters submitted for in 2 days so it’s go time

trumanblack: Just living in the studio pretty much

este.manansala: What are u doing messaging me in the middle of the day then like get back to it

trumanblack: Fuck off I’m eating lunch rn

trumanblack: What were you doing not responding to my message for weeks then????

este.manansala: … soz

este.manansala: Honestly never check my dms so i didn’t see it

este.manansala: Until I went to message you about Love It If We Made It bc it’s my favourite song of the year so far

este.manansala: Like actually

trumanblack: Este don’t say that if you don’t mean it :(

este.manansala: I’m being serious

este.manansala: I fully wrote paragraph about how much I like it and was about to send it your way and then I saw u messaged me first

trumanblack: That means so much. Really

trumanblack: Thank you x

trumanblack: But also u can’t just admit that and then not show me the paragraph. Like send it over pls

este.manansala: Yeah no way lol

este.manansala: Must keep the mystery alive somehow

Este finally looked away, for now. Her lower back was sore from sitting on their hard wooden chairs for a little too long, so she decided that it was a good time to get ready for bed. But, before she could, a buzz of excitement scraped goosebumps into her skin as Cate’s keys jangled in the door, eager to fill her in.

“Hey!” screamed Cate from the hallway, still out of sight from Este. The project for her biggest client of the year had just begun, so her hours became a bit unpredictable and she often arrived home late.

They caught each other up on how their days went, Este glad to hear that work was going well and Cate being particularly excited that Matty had reached out and taken a liking to her.

“It really isn’t anything crazy, we’re just talking about books and stuff,” Este tried, although a small flutter in her heart knew she was lying and that she ultimately was excited to even reveal it to Cate. “He’s just a cool guy. Really smart and friendly.”

Cate’s eyebrows raised, unconvinced. She dropped her coat into her room before reentering the main area to start the kettle. “Is he just a ‘cool’ guy or is he a ‘hot tumblr singer in a band who slid into your DMs’ guy?”

Este cringed at her wording and threw the mushroom sitting on her plate from dinner at Cate playfully. She dodged it in disgust.

“Just a guy, Cate. And he didn’t ‘slide into my DMs’, I just gave him a book recommendation and he told me what he thought of it,” Este argued.

“Whatever you say, babe,” she entertained. “It is kind of hot that he reads, though.”

They laughed as Este agreed, and they both headed off to bed.

✴ 18 November, 2018

To Este’s surprise, she and Matty continued to casually chat. It was mainly book talk; their personal lives only coming up occasionally. Neither of them expected responses to be consistent, especially with the busy pre-album schedule of Matty, who was now back in London. His work was also a reason why they hadn’t gotten through many books, him taking much longer to pick up anything Este shared, but the conversations were thoughtful and worth coming back to.

It was a struggle to find any titles Matty mentioned because of how obscure they were. Can this guy get any more pretentious? Este thought as she furiously searched for a copy of You Are Here: Art After the Internet online when they first messaged each other. Still, over a month later, she couldn’t track one down—not even on eBay. Matty thought he’d never hear the end of her complaints.

The chill November breeze came through Greenhouse quite frequently during Este’s Sunday shift. A mild autumn day with crunchy leaves scraping against the pavement seemed to always be busy for the book shop. The weather and aesthetic was perfect for the activity, leaving the store with a more frequent customer count while Este was busy dealing with an angry woman over the phone (the post lost the copy of Sapiens they’d ordered for her). It ate up all of her energy and left her on edge for the rest of her shift. So, when she felt a buzz coming from her phone and saw what the notification read, panic ran through her veins.

[este.manansala] trumanblack: Are u working today

Este’s eyes widened as she registered what the message most likely meant. There was no context, no ‘hello’ to preface, no warning—but in her gut, she knew. Matty is in town.

The frazzled state she was in only got worse as her mind thought of every awkward experience she’d ever lived and convinced her that seeing him again would out do them all. Using the term ‘self-destructive’ to describe her mindset was an understatement. Este couldn’t figure out what made her so anxious about facing Matty.

Thinking deeper about it, as she couldn’t distract herself this time around (despite the handful of customers she’d checked out since seeing his message), Este realised the nerves’ origin. He wasn’t just Matty like he was last time stepping foot in the shop—he was Matty Healy.

She tried not to let that change things, but it did. It brought on a certain reluctivity within Este’s messages. Never completely committing to being 100% herself when speaking to him—she defaulted to her ‘casual cool girl’ persona that she usually stored in her pocket to pull out in times of need.

She was scared that it would reach a point where it meant more to her than it did him. His face was on billboards that greeted Este on her way into work every day. The singles leading up to his album were at the top of the UK charts. Este couldn’t let their collection of DMs and developing friendship be an exciting thing in her life when it was, without a doubt, miniscule in his.

The longer she spiralled about it, the longer Este put off replying to his message, only getting to it a couple of hours before she had to close the shop.

este.manansala: Yea what’s up

She couldn’t think of anything else to say, so the three word response would have to do. Maybe it’s too late for him to stop by, she secretly hoped, loosening up her worries and busying herself with work once more.

After Este witnessed multiple customers sneeze near their poetry bay, a Swiffer duster insert found itself in her hand as she wiped away the thin layer of grey gunk atop the shelf. She hummed to herself as she dusted, not even realising that the melody she conjured up was the tune to one of Matty’s songs.

It was dark now, thirty minutes until close, and nobody had come in for around an hour. The crazy day was thankfully coming to a close; Este’s anxieties subsided after assuming that what she had endured would be it for the night. But, she assumed too soon.

The small, new wind chime Sam hung from the door just a few days prior made its twinkly exclamation.

“It’s not too late to come in, is it?”

Este turned to see Matty. It was actually him.

She smiled and wormed her way around the maze of bookshelves between them. “For you, yeah. Get out.”

Their eyes finally found each other and Matty spread his arms out, offering a hug. Este accepted and wrapped her own around him, just above his shoulders, as she felt his drop to her waist respectfully. He isn’t very tall, thought Este. And he smells good.

“Ha ha, very funny,” Matty sarcastically responded. “How’ve you been?”

They stood face to face in the open area by the front of the store.

“Good.” She nodded. “Same old, same old, really. I don’t have a massive album to release in two weeks or anything.”

He laughed quietly, taking off into the shelves. His steps were slow and calculated to sustain his attention to their conversation but his eyes scanned the book titles. “I guess that’s what I’ve got in the works,” he admitted. “It doesn’t feel like it’s that soon, though. I don’t think I’ve accepted the fact that it’ll just be out for people to hear,” he explained, pausing his movements for a second to pull a book off the bay and study the back cover.

“That one’s shitty. Read it last year.”

Matty raised his eyebrows at Este and placed the book where it belonged, in defeat. The trench coat she first saw him in was hanging off his body lazily. The tie-belt skipped one of the loops behind his back, and one side of it dragged drastically lower than the other along the floor. The coat’s square pockets were full and sagging.

Este followed his path as they continued through the shop, Matty repeatedly grabbing books to beg her blunt opinions. Every one he chose so far resulted in it returning to its place on the shelf within seconds of escaping. She knew the place like the back of her hand.

“What are you doing in Manchester, anyway?” she wondered.

Matty stopped and turned to her, flipping through another novel, this time satisfied with what he found. Shrugging casually, he responded, “Visiting a mate for his birthday, dinner and drinks at Head of Steam. Thought it would be more fun but it was sort of a drag, to be honest,” he complained. “Too much dinner and not enough drinks.”

“I was just about to ask, what sort of dinner and drinks end before,” she clicked open her phone to check the time. “…7:36pm.”

They both laughed and Matty shook his head. “Yup, that just about describes how exciting the event was.”

The book in his hands happened to be another Este had read, this time one she was fond of. “You should read that one,” she commented. “It’s new. Not sure how we managed to stock a used one already. I think you’d really like it.”

Matty continued flipping through it, stopping a couple of times to focus on certain pages, without saying anything. Suddenly, he sank down to the floor and sat comfortably, leaning his back against the shelf behind him. His legs were outstretched in front of him, straight, his feet almost touching the shelf opposite because of the cramped nature of the shop.

“Care to join me?”

He patted the patch of carpet next to him, and Este obliged. She sat on the floor next to his feet, laying her legs out like his were, and faced him as he studied the novel. Her phone lit up with the reminder she always set when working, making her aware that it was five short minutes until close. Usually, Este would take this time to ensure the shop was tidy for Sam to be greeted with the next morning, close up the register and deal with the float inside it. But, none of that crossed her mind with Matty sitting opposite her.

“On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous,” Matty read. “What an interesting title.”

Este couldn’t stand that he was opening the novel to random pages and reading content without the important context, so she jokingly reached forward, laying her hands beneath his and forcing the book shut for him.

“You know books are meant to be read from the beginning, Matty.” She left them there for a second before pulling them away, Matty following her instructions and setting the book down in his lap.

“I always skip to random parts in books before I read them. Lets me know what I’ll be getting into,” he defended.

“That’s blasphemous to me. Especially with that book, because Vuong, the author, is a poet as well. Every sentence feels meaningfully placed,” she rambled.

“Wouldn’t that also mean that they stand well on their own? If every line is like poetry?”

“I guess, but that’s not the point. The context holds the weight of his words. When I read it, at least, I’d come across something that felt really powerful. And I’d just think, wow. That’s the point he was leading up to. That was the whole purpose of the pages of words beforehand. But then, I would read the following line, and suddenly that became the purpose. And it just never stopped metamorphosing, like he carried me through the book in the same way he made the revelations himself.”

He looked at her with fondness as she chewed on the inside of her cheek. Matty could see the passion on her face and smiled in response. “You sold me. If you talk about all books like that, I understand why you sell them for a living,” he complimented.

Este leaned forward and pretended to bow. “My work here is done,” she joked. Her job being brought up prompted her to check the time again, seeing 8:02PM looking back at her from the screen. “Shit, it actually is. I have to close the shop.”

“Oh, sorry—”

“Don’t worry. I stay late all the time, just have to lock the door and flip the sign,” Este started, without thinking, as she got up from her spot on the floor to walk to the front. “That’s if you want to stay. You don’t have to, if you have somewhere to be, or if its weird to be locked in a bookshop on a Sunday night or something,”

“I’d love to stay.”

✴

She only kept two lamps on and then sat back down on the floor, not wanting Greenhouse to look too welcoming and inspire people to try and come in. The door was bolted shut, and On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous hadn’t left Matty’s grasp. Este wasn’t sure why she hadn’t offered him to sit at the table in the back room, but something felt natural about wedging themselves between the shelves. The carpeted floor was comfortable.

“I’m actually going to buy this from you, buy the way,” he clarified. His right foot was crossed over his left and slightly grazed Este’s left arm that fell next to her body.

“I’m not taking any money from you, Matty.”

“So I’ll just make you keep the shop open late and then steal an item from you?” he protested.

“I borrow books all the time, Sam doesn’t care. I’ll just tell him I let a friend borrow it.” She was being serious.

Matty accepted her offer, and thought about the item he brought in his pocket, debating on whether it was appropriate to even bring it out. It was oddly personal and he found himself doubting his idea, even though he didn’t think twice about it when leaving his flat earlier that morning.

“I can return the favour, then.” He pulled out his copy of You Are Here: Art After The Internet. The pages were yellowed and there were blue tabs messily sticking out of the side of it. Este realised what it was, shocked to learn that Matty was lending her his copy. “So you can stop complaining about not being able to find one.” He took Este’s hands that were resting in her lap, unravelled them to put the book in, and closed them back up to force her to hold it.

They made eye contact for a couple of seconds. Matty had never noticed how dark and straight her eyelashes were. They framed her eyes well.

“For me?”

Matty nodded.

Este fanned through the pages with her thumb, seeing every page for a split second. She noticed pen marks accompanying the printed text and wondered what each blue tab stood for.

“I see you’re the annotating type.”

“It’s cathartic,” he replied shortly. “Please don’t judge what I wrote, though. If you read anything stupid, just assume I was high, or something.”

To her, it felt like he was lending her his diary. She couldn’t imagine letting someone into the thoughts she had while reading a book, let alone the impulsive and quickly crafted ones worthy enough to be scribbled into the margins. It was an intimate act.

“This is really sweet of you,” she vocalised. “Now I feel like I owe you my copy of On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous instead of letting you borrow the shop’s.”

He raised his eyebrows in interest. “So you’re an annotator too?”

Este nodded and smiled. “I marked it up quite a bit, actually. It’s not here, though. It’s back at my flat.”

“Well, do you live far?”

✴

She rushed through her closing duties as Matty browsed some more. Her arms slipped into her fleece-lined denim jacket and her mind raced, trying to fathom the fact that he was about to be in her car (and later, her flat). As much as things had been easy and flowing naturally until now, the dilemma she considered earlier in the day still haunted her.

He was panicking almost as equally as Este. Suggesting they should go back to hers was a chaotically forward thing to do, and Matty instantly feared it would come off wrong. They both weren’t sure why they agreed, but did anyway. It felt wrong to end the night there.

Eventually, they were walking down the street together to get to her black Honda Accord that had gone far too long without a wash. Their conversation remained sweet and light, finally gracing the basics of getting to know each other.

“I went to school in Wilmslow, though. That's where I met the guys and when we formed the band,” he explained.

“This whole time I thought you grew up in the city.” She acted shocked. “You call Manchester your hometown. Liar.”

Este clicked the button on her car key and the headlights on her car flashed. Matty went around to the driver’s side to open her door for her, flashing her a smile. She smiled back. Chivalrous, she thought.

“I moved a couple times. I don’t know what my hometown is, really, I give a different answer every time—but it feels like home here. I just say I’m from the North of England. Wilmslow, Cheshire, Macclesfield, Manchester. Whatever,” Matty said, securing his seat belt and tucking the strap underneath his arm. “You grew up here, yeah?”

Her finger tucked an unruly strand of hair behind her ear as she carefully pulled into the road, before responding. “After I moved, yeah. On my seventh birthday I spent the whole day on a flight over to London from the Philippines. But I only lived in London for a couple of months before me and my mum and dad moved to Manchester.”

They drove in the dark, Matty asking her more questions about life in the Philippines and what it was like to move over. Este brought up her grandmother and how she and her husband stayed in London after finding a nursing job she didn't want to say no to. “My nan was my best friend growing up, so that was probably the only thing I didn’t like about Manchester when I came over. That she didn’t come along.”

Matty shoved his cold hands further into his pockets. “Speaking of your nan, actually,” he started. “On the plane to LA in August I was so bored out of my mind that I started organising the files on my computer. Then I found this picture.” He opened his phone, clicking on his iCloud files and scrolling through to find the photo.

Este interrupted before he could. “You can’t just say ‘Speaking of your nan…’ and then furiously search through your phone without explaining further!” she impatiently exclaimed, both of them erupting into laughter after realising how creepy it seemed.

“I swear, it’s not weird! Let me find what I’m looking for and then you’ll get it,” he defended.

It finally came up, and Matty held up his screen to show her. Este was in the middle of turning down her street, so it took a couple of seconds before she could break her attention to the road, but then eventually she studied the relic.

“Oh my god! That’s Lola!”

She was shocked. They both found it hilarious that Florencia and Matty had met before, a picture proving it.

“She was the best, honestly. Made the hospital way less of a horrifying place to be,” he gushed. “You should tell her, next time you see her. If she remembers me. Then maybe she can replace that horrid memory of me thinking her name was Lola with the fact that she nursed me back to health after getting my gallbladder removed.”

“She remembers you, for sure. I think she likes you more than I do, to be quite honest, so she’ll be excited to hear that you two go further back,” she joked.

Matty threw her an offended ‘Hey!’ in response.

They pulled into her flat’s parking spaces and Este took note of Cate’s car being absent from the spot beside her’s. A small wave of relief hit. No awkward flatmate introductions. A silence fell over them as they exited her car into the evening chill. Este didn’t have to ask if he wanted to follow her up, since he began doing so anyway. It was only 8:30, but time ticked slowly.

After getting through a couple of locked doors in the lobby, they comfortably entered the elevator, and Este pressed on the button with the 4 on it. The two stood next to each other and turned to face the doors, their shoulders brushing innocently.

“You know, we’re painfully pretentious for coming all the way here just so I could read your specific copy of that book. I literally already had one in my hands,” Matty pointed out.

A ding rang in the air as they passed the first floor.

“I know.” Este smiled. “I think that’s just who we are, though. You, a little more than me, but still.”

Another ding. Second floor.

“"I think we’re equally pretentious, but—” said Matty, but she cut him off by silently holding up the copy of You Are Here in her hands, proving her point. He flipped her off.

The forth ding was heard before the doors opened back up, Este exiting and letting Matty follow her. She was nervous for him to see her and Cate’s relatively small flat, but was glad that at least they kept it tidy; and, with time, found an appropriate position for the couch. They hadn’t said anything since reaching her floor, but not in a bad way.

She swung the door open, welcoming Matty inside. Walking past the kitchen and into the living area, he studied every detail of the space. He liked the small ceramic rabbits that were scattered through their very full plant stand, with greenery sticking out in every direction, and how each of them had a different expression. The prints hanging on the walls felt aged and added character to their maximally styled room. Matty assumed each piece had its own story.

Este hesitantly asked the question that had been tickling at her tongue the entire walk up to the flat as she removed her jacket and threw it onto the dining room table.

“Have time to stick around for a brew?”

He was hoping she’d ask him to stay. “Course,” agreed Matty. “You know, this is exactly what I expected your place to look like.” He copied her and removed his coat, setting it down on the couch and then taking a seat next to it.

She made her way back to the kitchen to start the kettle. “Really? Why?”

“Dunno. Really artsy and charming with tons of little trinkets. Endless amounts of things to look at—books and plants, just like the shop.”

Which mugs should I use? Este thought, opening the cupboard. Which mug of mine is the coolest? Has an interesting backstory? She shook her head to herself, embarrassed to be internally worrying about choosing a mug.

“Thank you. I think I’m just a hoarder, so the minute I find something cool I just stick it on a shelf either out here or in my room and then I’m bonded to it for life. My flatmate, Cate, is the same way so it’s twice as bad.”

Even after realising how stupid it was to care about what mug to give Matty, she still tried to pick her coolest one. It was a plain white ceramic mug that was sculpted to look like a slightly crumpled red Solo cup but with a handle. Este thought Matty would either love it or hate it, and wanted to find out which it would be; as if the answer would be revealing of his spirit, or something.

“Milk or sugar?” she asked, looking up to make eye contact with him for the first time in a couple of minutes.

Matty was already gazing at her, watching her potter around the kitchen. A blush spread over Este's cheeks after she noticed. “Just a dash of milk, please,” he told her, standing up to walk over to their kitchen island and lean against it. “I’m kind of the opposite of a hoarder. I own like three things in total.”

The kettle started whistling, signalling her to pick it up and pour their cups. “That doesn’t at all surprise me, Matty,” Este claimed while opening up the fridge to grab the milk. In it, she saw the case of Heineken she and Cate had bought last week. She cringed. “I’m also just now realising that I have beer in the fridge and it was really lame of me to offer you tea.”

Pouring the milk anyway, Este pushed Matty’s cup towards him.

He muttered a quick ‘thanks’ before taking a careful sip. “I mean, in a mug like this,” he pointed playfully at the eccentric Solo cup pottery. “Totally not lame.”

Este could hear the sarcasm in his voice, so she reached up and shoved his shoulder with her palm. “Hey, that’s like my best thrift find of all time. It’s edgy. The perfect combination of classic and modern. Practical, too.”

Their conversation continued for another half-hour as their teas dwindled in both fullness and temperature. He eventually asked for a tour of the flat, so Este showed him around, even letting him take a peek into her bedroom and its many more trinkets. In it, she picked her copy of On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous off her shelf and handed it to him. Matty accepted it, while continuing to throw compliments her way, commenting on the oozing personality of all of her belongings.

Looping back around after seeing the whole flat, the couch dipped as both of them took a seat, now with beers in hand.

“So, do you invite customers back to your flat very often?”

Este was slightly embarrassed by the nature of the question, but tried to play it off and replied, “Only the ones that are famous musicians.”

Matty took a swig of beer and set it onto the coffee table with a coaster beneath it. “Oh, I see. So this is a meet and greet.” They both laughed and silence fell upon them again. “I’m actually really nervous. For the album, I mean,” he admitted.

She looked over to him, her expression softening. “Really?”

“Yeah, it’s just a bit scary. You know, people have been liking the songs so far, but the single we put out last month sort of has blown up my whole junkie, rehab, drug thing. So I feel a lot of pressure to say the right thing.”

“I mean, I feel like that just gives people a reason to connect to the album even more. Your art still holds its purpose—that emotional release.”

Matty smiled thankfully. “Thank you for calling my music ‘my art’. That really withholds this whole pretentious thing we've got going on," he said with a chuckle. “And seriously, thank you for liking Love It If We Made It. It’s cool to have a cool person like your stuff.”

“I love it. Really do,” she pushed. “And thank you for calling me a cool person.”

“You are.” Matty meant it.

His eyes trailed from the dimple on her left cheek to the chain dangling from her neck and further to the clothes draped on her body. “Is that necklace you wear a dragonfly? Or is it a butterfly?”

Este was confused at the randomness of his question but answered anyway. She could tell he was itching to know even the little things about her.

“It’s a dragonfly,” she confirmed, reaching up to fiddle with it and give Matty a closer look. “They remind me of my grandpa. Dragonflies love him. Back in the Philippines, he was a fisherman, so he spent a lot of time out by water. I have hundreds of memories of being with him near the ocean and seeing one land on the rim of his cap or even the tip of his nose.”

He smiled warmly at the sweet anecdote but left space for her to continue, liking that she responded to his questions with stories, not just answers.

“There aren’t many out here, though, especially since he lives in London and stays in the city. So I wear one around my neck instead,” Este explained. She studied his face as she sipped her beer. Matty was listening. It felt like he was looking through her, too.

After talking for as long as their minds took them, through topics big and small, light and dark, Matty decided he better make his way. “Shit, it’s 12:30. Might want to catch an Uber.”

“Where are you staying? I could drive,” Este offered.

He opened his phone to open the app and see the rides available, denying her kind gesture. A few clicks later, a car was on its way. “Oh please, don’t worry. It’s late. I’m just crashing at my mate’s—the one whose birthday I came in for. Taking the train back to London tomorrow morning for rehearsals,” explained Matty.

Este handed him his coat as they both stood up and slowly made their way over to the door. The Uber was minutes away, so they didn’t stop before leaving the threshold of her flat and taking the elevator down to the lobby.

“Rehearsals? Is tour happening that soon?”

“Not until next year. But, we have a show in Kingston the night before the album comes out. Shitting my pants about it, honestly, so we’ve been rehearsing like crazy,” he said as the elevator doors reopened to let them onto the ground floor, continuing to walk towards the main door. “You should come, if you’re free. We always leave room at the side of the stage for friends and family. I’d love for you to hear the new stuff live.” Matty now stood on the pavement, turning to face Este, who stood just inside the doorway. She grinned at his offer, appreciating his generosity.

“That would be amazing,” she agreed. “Let me know the details and I’d love to be there.”

He nodded at her and held up the book in his hands. “Thanks, for this. And tonight.”

Este likewise thanked him for the novel of essays that now sat on her coffee table upstairs. They shared a casual embrace to say goodbye, with Matty’s hands gracing the small of her back and hers meeting over his neck. She pressed her lips to his cheek, close to his jaw, holding it there briefly before letting go. Matty wished they stayed there a little longer.

One last ‘good night’ left their mouths as the car pulled up and Matty got in. He shot Este a small wave from behind the tinted car window.

4 >>

#the 1975 #matty healy #matty healy fanfiction #matty healy x oc #the 1975 fanfiction #matty healy fic #Spotify #tbsg

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concomitant-gang · 2 years

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vent/rant tw

Fuck I am honestly so pissed rn, at first I was like ok yeah it makes sense I’m on vacation and I just figured out I’m a system so it’s nice of them to go silent so I can enjoy myself but I think back to only a month ago at my graduation I called out and screamed in side myself for someone to respond to me I was so empty and sad and upset and no one responded, and it turns out I actually had ppl who could talk to me??? And I called out the same way I do now and the calling is exactly how I get them to talk to me rn???? So they ignored me on purpose??? So what about all the times I was soooo alone and they didn’t show up? Over all these years I’ve only heard them when I had breakdowns or when I was sh or something else, turns out it wasn’t a really complex inner dialogue I made up to sound like different ppl. Why’d they only show up certain times and not others? It’s not fair and we’re monoconsious so they KNOW I’m so so desperately fucking lonely and they don’t care???? Fuck them and now that I actually want to talk Arthur broke the rules and is talking with me and even let the kids come up to co-con so I could eat some candy with them. Fuck Lazuli I’m so pissed at her why did she leave me all alone all these years, and only pop up every so often to let me have some stupid fucking “realistic logical” advice to calm me down?? Your a whole other person in my head in MY BODY and you can’t even have the decency to be nice to me??? Fuck this. and now no one else is allowed to talk to me??? I thought they were being nice but noooo turns out they aren’t even allowed to talk to me?? Wtf is up with that? I WANT to talk to them why can’t I??? What did I do wrong? And she’ll say it’s all for the better of me and for the better of the system that IM in denial and that I don’t believe in it but yknow what fuck her I’m a system she can’t go back now, sucks that they let me get hella fucking high and my psychosis let me hear them. And guess what I heard you talking abt how I’m not ready and the body isn’t ready fuck you. You could’ve helped this whole time and you didn’t. I guess even in my head I’m betrayed by ppl. And btw in what 11~? Years of being a system you can’t figure out how to front? Do you know how , HOW many times I could’ve used going out of front??? But you only want me out of front when I was a kid and all that shit happened to me? Not now even though I’ve begged to not be here anymore (when I didn’t even know it was possible or that you all existed I begged for something I didn’t know about??? Fuck you) and now you’re saying idk how to switch all we know is how to blur or passively influence you fuck you im so upset. And I can’t even talk to anyone about this because it’s literally all in my head. And now I’m worried that Arthur’s gonna get in trouble cause he’s talking to me? When I first figured out who y’all where I thought you were nice and like a lol and you helped me do chores and be able to move out of my bed but it just turns out your a bitch. I’m talking soother off your role. But I guess protector can stay since you think you’re protecting me from something. “Soother” my ass. Fuck you. And btw the only reason you’ve got reasonist on there is becuz you base your whole goddamn personality off of being logical and smart and realistic fuck off that’s so bullshit. I just wanted to bond and help you pick out labels and genders becuz that’s fun for me and I though you were enjoying it. I thought we were friends. I can’t believe how pathetic it is I can’t even be friends with people in my head that’s so depressing. I know you wanted no one to talk ti me so I can enjoy my vacation but I think it’s a mistake you showed up and now no one can talk to me for at least a month??? It’s not the smart move you think it is.

- h

#- h #vent post #vent tw #rant post #rant tw

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leviiattacks · 3 years

Note

CASHIER LEVI AND LIKE THE READER IS THE CUSTOMER AND IT’S LIKE THEY HAVE A CRUSH ON EACHTOHER

author note :: honestly not my best at all..... like at all..... this was actually pretty good but the entire draft got deleted and i just lost all my effort but i felt bad for starting it and not completing it for anon so you may take whatever i have managed to salvage. i hope u enjoy it :’( i am extremely sick rn and yeah writing is the only break i am currently getting from anything :-) SO AGAIN I’ M SORRY ANON..... i may write a 10k + word fic on this though so i can redeem myself bc this is just disappointing 😭

word count :: 3.3k

every single thursday you stop by ackermart. maybe it’s because the day is convenient for you or perhaps it’s because of a certain cashier that works the evenings...

HAHA it’s got nothing to do with a cashier why would it have anything to do with a cashier? :-)

today is like any other. you walk through the fresh produce aisle then proceed to make your way towards the bakery section picking up a loaf of bread

it’s stupid, you know it is but... you think you’ve worked up enough courage to speak to him today!!

and who is him you may ask?

levi at till number four. his tired eyes always happen to pierce into yours and his calloused thumbs brush past your skin when you hand him your rewards card

levi is what his bright red name tag says and although he doesn’t look like a levi you’d like to think your crush isn’t stealing someone’s identity so you believe that it’s his real name

anxiously fiddling with your basket you’re beginning to think this was a horrible idea

the girl ahead of you is flirting up a storm with him and although he’s not reciprocating it by any means you still feel deterred

levi bags the last of her groceries and looks up at her when she asks for a way to contact him. he doesn’t look mad... just bored?

“ma’am. this is an ackermart i don’t think it’s appropriate you ask me for my number. the customer service line is listed on our website.”

the woman raises a brow looking completely flabbergasted. okay, if everything before this wasn’t a warning THIS sure was

she stomps off when she realises levi isn’t kidding and you think you’d feel bad for her maybe if she was more respectful about it

“next customer.” levi calls over his shoulder and you shuffle forward pretending to be engrossed in your phone

“cash or card?” he asks plainly.

you hear the BEEP of your groceries being scanned and think on it for a while before replying with “cash”

you’re clearly pretty good at your pretend to be totally into your phone act because levi tries to get your attention but you don’t hear what he has to say till the third time he repeats himself

but even then you’re still unsure what it is he’s said????

looking down you see his hand is stuck out in front of you and now you’re even more confused

faltering for a second you look at his palm and then speak

“um, i guess your hand is nice? it’s pretty big compared to the rest of you actually.”

“i was asking for your cash?” he says and now you look at his palms in mortification

gasping you yANK your hand into your purse as you laugh awkwardly fishing around to find your money

“oh, OH i knew that. just kidding!! i mean- i meant that thing about your hand?? but i thought it was- i funny? yes the joke funny? i’m-”

he leans back into his spinning chair and sighs contently. “you’re not making much sense peaches.”

“pe- peaches??” you repeat. no way you’ve heard that correct

levi lazily points at the abundance of the aforementioned fruit in your grocery bags

“you must love em.”

“i, well yeah i do like peaches but i also like...” um??? what food would make you look sophisticated and professional?

OH YEAH

“FRENCH CUISINE :-)!!!!” you say rather proudly

“...cool. i guess.” levi hands you your grocery bag which is basically an invitation asking for you to get out

he doesn’t seem mad but he’s definitely going to look back at this encounter and laugh his ass off at how stupid you are

hanging your head down low in embarrassment you make your way out towards your car

there’s always next time!! maybe you can practice in the mirror yeah that does sound like it would help!!!

okay so.

it is officially next time.

actually you never got the opportunity to practice in front of the mirror because you chickened out of looking like an idiot even if it was in the privacy of your own home

but!!! you did try to practice some cool pick up lines because who doesn’t like a good pickup line or two??

the two mini milk cartons in your hand and the pack of doughnuts you have tucked under your arm aren’t too heavy so you aren’t too worried about having to wait in the line

for some reason the guy in front of you keeps turning around and glancing at you as if you don’t even exist

you are not casper the ghost

also casper is a little boy and you definitely aren’t a little boy

finally after a good five minutes the man ahead of you is having his stuff scanned but he’s STILL doing it. even levi notices and gives him an odd look which borders annoyance and anger.

“can i pay for your groceries? maybe walk you to your car?” the stranger asks suddenly

so that’s what this is, he’s simply taken an interest in you

my god this is new but it is uncomfortable and you’d rather say no

“oh, i actually walked here and no thanks i can pay for my own. enjoy the rest of your day!!” you hope your white lie is enough to fool the man but instead of agreeing as any other person would he looks majorly deceived

“i saw you in the parking lot.” ok this is getting a bit too uncomfortable for your liking

“c’mon i’m offering to buy your shit too?”

his voice is raising and you’re not sure what exactly you can do but thankfully for you the manager steps in and takes him away before any more threats can be made

the man had taken up so much of your attention you almost forgot levi was even there until you turned back around

“do you want a member of staff to accompany you to your car? it’s getting dark out.” levi’s comment helps ease your nerves and you try to laugh off what just happened

“i’m good :-)” you say shaking a little. you’re unsure if it’s the cold or the fact you still haven’t completely calmed down

“you sure peaches?”

“i haven’t bought any peaches this time.”

“you’re still peaches to me.” your cheeks flush at his confidence

wait, maybe this is your chance. you’re the last person in his line and they’re closing up for the day so...

“could you walk me to my car?”

and to your surprise even before you can take back what you’ve said levi agrees

it stays like that for a while.

every thursday levi walks you to your car by the end of his shift, all the while the two of you exchange a few words together

like last week you asked him what his favourite colour was (he said purple) you’ve learnt about his hobbies (he’s a decent cook), you’ve even found out about some of his own personal problems. he had mentioned suffering with insomnia in passing.

to be honest each and every time he walks you to your car he has to notice that you begin to park further and further away from the front entrance. but if he does notice he doesn’t say a word about it

“is that all you’re checking out?” you ask with a cheeky grin plastered across your face

looking down at your new dress your lopsided grin is far from fading away any time soon. you especially picked this one out after asking levi what his favourite colour was last week

god. this is so embarrassing but never actually have you had a crush this huge

levi who’s sat behind the counter shoots you a look which almost seems to be on the verge of uninterested. he isn’t entertaining this at all or this is just his typical bored face, you can’t really tell

BUT..... you still have a huge crush on him and you aren’t one to give up this easily

for the record you don’t harass him or anything, just the occasional hint is thrown around but he’s either really dense or doesn’t care

his expression does you no favours, you can’t tell what he’s thinking half the time

“you’re always buying energy drinks... might want to cut down on those they’re no good for you.”

warmth blooms in your chest. he’s just saying it to make small talk but the fact he even thinks to bring that up has your heart fluttering

“i- well- yeah i will!! just have a few overdue essays to get over with :-)” twiddling your thumbs together you think that makes your nerves too obvious so you begin to scratch at the back of your neck

if anything is a dead give away it’s your constant neck scratching, thankfully levi hasn’t picked up on it

“so you wore purple today?” his eyes linger on the thin straps of your dress and you feel the goosebumps rise up onto your skin immediately

“oh yeahhhh-”

“did i tell you yellow was my favourite colour last week?” he asks holding up a neon yellow pack of crisps and for the first time you see him smile

he looks so ?!|>\€|^ pretty ?!/)/&

wait?? yellow??

“didn’t you say purple?”

“no?” he crosses his arms playfully over his chest thinking for a bit

“maybe i did but no it’s really yellow.” he says as he hands you your bag

nodding your head you smile “yeahhhh sure it is.”

damn, now you’re going to have to find a yellow dress just to make him revert back to purple because who even likes yellow?? that’s a deal breaker right there??

update

it’s been two weeks!!

and a yellow dress has been found and secured B-)

it’s been a pretty rough day at work and you need to desperately collect a pack of green tea and get going

you don’t know when exactly being a secretary meant you had to babysit your boss’ children but that’s what the last week has entailed

being made to work overtime to this extent has had an effect on you and you’re ready to head home as soon as you swing by ackermart

not seeing levi for a week made you a little :-( because to be honest he’s the highlight of your thursday evening BUT!! you’ll be able to see him today at least

walking in through the entrance you’re met with connie smiling right at you, he holds the door open for you and smile back greeting him

“so you didn’t come last week...?”

it’s weird for him to ask that, after all you don’t really speak to anyone here apart from levi, you’re surprised you’re enough of a regular to be known by name

“oh i didn’t think anyone would notice? but yeah i had to work overtime you know what boss’ are like.” groaning you crouch down and look at the pot noodles on display

“i didn’t notice it. boss man did.”

“boss man?” you ask feeling out of loop

“levi.” connie answers as he hops into the backroom

????

isn’t he just a cashier??

“you still look confused.” connie remarks as he heads back out with a cardboard box full of pringle’s tubes

“levi’s the boss man, this is his store. he literally only ever mans the cash register on thursday evening because of you.”

at that you start laughing because it makes no sense at all to you

there’s no way connie is being serious

“good one.” you say as you stand up with a chicken flavored noodle in your hand

“i’m not kidding?”

turning around you give him a skeptical look

he sighs and shakes his head.

“listen. me and the part timers are tired of making bets on when he’ll give you his number and i bet that it would happen today so if you could confess to each other that would be perfect!!!”

“who said i like-”

“anyone with a brain can tell you both like each other.” he’s rolled his eyes so far into the back of his head you begin to take him a little more seriously now

“i... did i make it that obvious??” you’re directly facing him trying to get out as much information as you can

“yeah. very. at least levi wasn’t as bold.”

“i think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick he definitely doesn’t like me.”

connie gives you an “are you fucking with me?” look and you look away trying to distract yourself with the the canned goods lining the shelves

“he was worried sick when you didn’t come in for the entire week. he even asked me if he scared you away.”

“maybe i’m just his favourite customer?”

“favourite customer my ass he has a crush on YOU. confess.”

playing around with the ends of your sleeves connie sees he’s fighting a losing battle unless he gives you definitive solid proof

“please... i’ll get free barbecue if i win the bet and i’m kinda broke rn :-(” okay, you do want connie to eat well and be treated and maybe this is a good thing. if levi doesn’t like you then you can move on!!

“i’ll think about it.”

before connie can continue talking you make a beeline towards the tea aisle whilst throwing a “see you next time!” over your shoulder.

by the time you’ve gathered all of your groceries your basket is full to the brim. you’ve been lingering as much as you can out of fear but you think you’ve collected just enough courage to ask for his number

looking at the cash register levi is sat there and your shoulders slump. he’s probably going to say no and you’re going to look like a huge loser.

right as you’re about to take a step towards him levi finally spots you and gives you one look before standing up from his seat

“hi!” you wave at him

“...hey!” he smiles wide but he bites it back pretending it was never there in the first place

placing your basket in front of him he eyes what you’ve got

“hm... lots of peaches as per usual peaches.” the nickname that rolls of his tongue makes you tremble a little. will he call you that after you fuck everything up with this stupid confession?

his tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek when he gets to the heart shaped box of chocolates

“a gift for a friend? didn’t know you had those?” he teases as he scans the barcode

“gift for a crush!” you reply back enthusiastically as you dig through your wallet looking for your card

levi doesn’t respond for a few seconds and an awkward silence fills the air. you glance up to see him looking at you open mouthed in shock

“good luck.” he murmurs under his breath he’s not even returning your gaze at this point and is hurriedly scanning through your barcodes

“you okay?” you ask worrying about his mood

“yeah, yeah. great.” he’s quieter than usual.

the rest of your encounter is the same, levi silently bags your groceries and you can’t tell if this is a good or bad response.

just as he’s about to place the heart shaped box into your plastic bag you lunge forward holding his wrist to stop him

“no i don’t need those.”

he cocks his eyebrow upwards trying to analyse your expression and gain an understanding of your thoughts

“don’t tell me you’re chickening out. whoever it is will say yes.” he scoffs as he places the chocolates into the bag handing them over to you with a warm smile

there it is again. the fear returns and you swipe your tongue over your slightly dry lips.

no way.

is he telling you to confess to someone now? so he must not like you?

taking the bag away from him you scratch your neck out of habit and huff feeling frustrated

“he keeps giving me mixed signals.” you say hoping he catches your drift

“give him the chocolates and let him put two and two together. don’t even say anything.” his advice would be great if he weren’t the guy you were trying to confess to in real time

nodding you reach into the bag and bring the box back out before gently placing it in front of levi

“are you serious?” he asks and your face drops seeing the possible displeasure in his eyes

great, connie and the part timers just over analysed he doesn’t like you, obviously he doesn’t like you, why would he like you?

without looking back you hurry out, the embarrassment is eating you away now and the thought of ever returning to ackermart isn’t even feasible in your mind

at this point you may as well change your name, identity, dye your hair, have a few children and wear sunglasses the next time you come back so you look like a soccer mum and not the foolish y/n who thought they had a chance with their cute CASHIER???

god, you probably look like a creep

the sound of footsteps can be heard behind you and labored breaths follow before levi calls out for you

“please wait up.” he grumbles. slowing down your pace you let him catch up to you. he grabs at your wrist and sighs in relief

turning you see him savour the air

is this the part where he confesses he likes you too or—

“your receipt you forgot it.” he gasps as he opens your hand for you and places it into your palm

oh.

fingers clasping shut onto the paper you feel the humiliation seep into your pores

this.

is.

the.

worst.

moment.

of.

your.

life.

“open it.” he offer you a boyish smile and your nerves don’t let you find comfort in it

you grimace as you fold it open, you’re imagining he’s charged you an extra £100 for having unwanted feelings for him and if that’s the case you’ll die on the spot

but instead your eyes light up in joy. you’re pleasantly surprised

...

inside of the receipt is his phone number haphazardly sprawled across in black biro - you even double check by comparing it to the number for the customer service helpline

hello??

HELLO.?.!/)£ HIS NUMBER???

“if you just wanted to return the chocolate this is embarrassing.” he’s the one who’s now scratching at his neck and you find that he’s endearing this way

the streetlight from above illuminates him, the shadows cast over his face and his brows aren’t furrowed as they usually are

you open your mouth to reply but connie cuts you off unintentionally. he can be heard YELLING into his phone ecstatic that his plan has worked out

“I WIN!!! HA BBQ’S ON YOU JEAN!! MUST SUCK TO BE YOU.”

you and levi look at each other and laugh, reassuring the other of what has just happened.

well...

you guess this is the start of something new? maybe??

:-)

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lightmycandle · 2 years

Text

Things I Learned From NYTW RENT AKA

Stringing Together My Incoherent Thoughts

Voice Mail #1

- The speakkk in this sounds like they hate life. Honestly same.

- Roger worked at a bar and was fired

- Mark was cut off financially

Splatter

- IM SORRY WHAT

- 20 seconds of awful Roger music and then the opening number starts playing?

- This sounds much slower

- WHAT THE ACTUAL-

- ????

- TW SUICIDAL THOUGHTS: MARK WANTS TO KILL HIMSELF BY JUMPING OUT THE WINDOW

- THATS WHY THIS SONG IS CALLED SPLATTER

- THIS IS SO MORBID

- Oh ok that’s not Adam

- What is going on with this music? It gets weirdly faster but immediately slows down im so confused

- Mark is definitely taking his and Maureen’s breakup harder here

- Every time they say “last month’s rent” instead of “last year’s rent” it throws me off

- The transition to “you ok honey” is just not it

- I can’t get over how different Collins and Joanne sound

- Ngl I miss my bass baritone Collins :(

- There is absolutely no chemistry in Cangel’s interaction whatsoever

- I’m still so shocked over how morbid this is-

- So basically Marker are both very much not ok

- The reason Mark’s parents cut him off was because he wasn’t a business major?

- I’m so glad they changed the ending to “cause everything is rent”

- Well, that was an experience

You’re A Fool

- “For someone cool you’re a fool” and then Mark’s little dejected “I know” 💀

- Do Marker even like each other? Or are they both just depressed besties-

- “Some of our parents don’t pay our bills” isn’t Mark cut off??

- “Mr. Negative cause he’s HIV positive” is such a low blow, I can’t believe that was once a Mark line considering he’s always supporting Roger, as well as telling him to go out and talking sense into him

- The lyrics are a bit bland and somewhat mean but overall I’m vibing to the music

- Ok so Mark still does try to get Roger to go out

- “I don’t fit in anymore, all right?!” hurts. I don’t know if he’s saying that because he feels as though he needs to spend all his time writing or if he’s saying that because he’s just depressed and he doesn’t have the energy to do the things he once loved

- Mark is obviously very upset at the thought of Roger dying, but doesn’t want to show it too much. He just wants to make as many memories as he can with him, and wants him to at least have fun and be surrounded by people who love him before he goes. So now I’m starting to see more of final-version-Rent Mark poke through.

- “If you only knew - I spend so much time obsessing, it’s depressing.” Woah I actually relate a lot to that Mark w h a t

- I kinda love how we get to see Mark’s personality and know a bit more about him. In the final version, we don’t really know a lot about Mark because he’s basically narrating (which is fine) until Roger calls him out before he leaves for Santa Fe

- WOAH HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED

- THEYRE CALLING EACH OTHER OUT NOW JUST LIKE THEY DO IN GOODBYE LOVE

Today 4 U

- THEY REALLY CHANGED THE ORDER A LOT HUH

- “Whose music is the purest on the Bowery I believe” ANGEL AS A BOWERY BEAUTY NEWSIES AU

- This song sounds the closest to the final version

- “toDay for you”

- The only difference so far that I’ve noticed is that Angel says “work so well” instead of “go so well”

- THE LINE DELIVERY FOR “That dog is now in doggy hell” I AM SCREAMING

Do A Little Business

- What exactly is going on in this song

- ✨ Benny is unhinged 😍 ✨

- LOL MARK IS SO ENTHUSIASTIC TO SEE HIM /s

- I forgot Angel was even here 💀

- “What kind of hag - I mean dog, do you have?” I AM LOSING IT

- “Evita’s an Akita” “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.” JAIL

- I’m actually scared of Benny this man is vicious what is going on

- What is with the random Today 4 U music but at the end??

- I guess Mimi doesn’t exist 😍

Female to Female A

- If they would’ve kept this, then in Take Me or Leave Me Maureen would’ve been projecting because she’s being a little controlling rn

- Maureen’s manipulativeness is already showing

- “It’s times like these I really appreciate Mark” YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT-

Come to the Meeting

- I like the “Benny was a dilettante, Benny met a debutante” lyric a lot

- Roger has a car that originally belonged to April

- Angel asks about April instead of Mimi, because she simply does not exist 😍

- Mark honey you’re being a bit too harsh

- TW SELF HARM: I think I’m having trouble with the context clues here but I think Roger was a cutter :/

- Well this is just upsetting, I just feel really bad for these fictional characters ugh

He Says

- WOAH THIS IS THE SAME MELODY TO GOODBYE LOVE

- “He says he doesn’t think that love is possible anymore” “It’s not!” HEAVY FORESHADOWING. Mimi has to exist now, it only makes sense

- “One day I’ll/he’ll fix that car she left me/him and fly” Does this mean Roger’s success or his death??

- Gosh I feel a lot more sympathy for Mark in this version. Before, in the final version, I felt sorry for him because I could only imagine how scary it was for him to be the “one of us to survive” but at the same time he literally came from Scarsdale. Like sir you come from a rich neighborhood, have parents that seem to care about you and you’re out here claiming to be a struggling artist? At least you can just move back upstate when it gets too rough, the others can’t. However at the same time I wondered if maybe his family were toxic and controlling; but in this one I know a bit more about the backstory

- “I don’t believe a word he says.” I SERIOUSLY LOVE MARK. THATS ALL.

- I swear I recognize the melody at the very end of this song but I can’t pinpoint it

- OH MY GOSH

- OH NO IM GONNA CRY

- ROGER IS SINGING THE BEGINNING OF “WILL I” AND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HIS ONE GREAT SONG AT THE SAME TIME AND SHHSHSBSUSBGAU

- My heart HURTS

- I kinda wish this would’ve been kept in, it’s so real and raw (the whole musical is but still)

The Right Brain

- ONE SONG GLORY YES

- Wait what never mind it’s called the right brain and has completely different lyrics

- “I lost my map” DOES ANYBODY HAVE A MAP ANYBODY MAYBE HAPPEN TO KNOW HOW-

- I really really like this but I can see why the lyrics were changed

- Roger screaming “right brain” instead of “glory” is absolutely sending me

- Someone called this the Zombie Version of Rent and I am crying

- That final “riiiiiight braaaaiiiinnnnn” PLEASE

- I AM SO CONFUSED

- WAIT A MINUTE

- Oh. Ok. So there’s… that.

- I’m cringing ahhh

- Oh gosh that was so off key I can’t

- This song is such a bop I’ve replayed it again but “time diiiiiiiiiiies, right braaaaaaaaainnnnn, can’t find the riiight braiiinn” 💀💀💀💀💀

- OH MY GOSH LIGHT MY CANDLE IS STARTING EVERYONE BE QUIET

- “The door!” This song really broke my already broken humor

Light My Candle

- Why does this sound like Contact?

- Oh ok there’s the LMC I know and love

- I kinda liked that buildup

- “I’m not going?” MARK??

- MIMI EXISTS!!!!!!

- Wait is this Daphne? It sounds a lot like her but doesn’t at the same time

- “What?” OK ITS DEFINITELY DAPHNE

- The knock sounds so loud in this one considering how soft they’re singing

- IM USED TO HEARING ROGERS DISBELIEVING GIGGLE WHEN HE SAYS “WHAT” BUT THIS “WHAT” MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD THIS MAN IS PROBABLY IN A TRANCE

- Someone said Roger sounds high and I couldn’t agree more lol. Also Mimi sounds somewhat ghostly to me? Does that make sense? As if she’s just some sort of phantom drifting along. I feel like Renée Elise Goldsberry’s Mimi acted ghostly during LMC too and Daphne’s was more desperate but fiery? I’ve always loved both portrayals of it, but it’s interesting to see the changes. I think because this version is significantly slower and feels almost deathly is the reason why she sounds like this

- “Here it-oh, no.” ROGER REALIZING HIS DUMB MISTAKE LOL

- “A candy bar wrapper” THAT WAS AWFUL(LY GOOD) VOICE ACTING. MIMI DEFINITELY DOESNT BELIEVE YOU NOW SO 10/10

- The “Mimi” part is a little longer

- LMC is the best song in Rent, no I am not taking any criticism - it just is

On the Street/Voice Mail #2

- The way this guy says “Christmas bells are ringing” 💀

- Joanne’s parents call her “Muffin” instead of “Kitten”

Female to Female B

- “It’s times like these I really appreciate Mark” “I heard you before” “How can someone so bright be so utterly in the dark?” I’m forming the Joanne Deserves Better club, does anyone want to join? /j

- “Isn’t it enough that I put up everyday with a temperamental, selfish, abusive-” YES JOANNE CALL HER OUT

- “And sexy.” *Rolls eyes*

- This song is actually really good

- Gosh their relationship is so toxic in this

- “I love you Maureen!” *a few seconds later* “I hate you Maureen!”

Another Day

- ANOTHER DAY LETS GO

- “No.” IM SCREAMING IM SO USED TO ADAM’S DRAMATIC, DESPERATE “NO!”

- I love the “Come back another day, another dayyyy, annnottther another daaayyy!” and the change in music

- “Your pain I see, your heart’s been burned. You’re just like me before I learned” THIS IS BOTH SO HEARTBREAKING AND SENSITIVE.

- “No other way” OK DAPHNE

- Im so glad “Honey get real, here’s the deal - it’s time for you to book I mean look you’re cute but I don’t buy that spiel” was cut. It drags the song on unnecessarily

- “Your anger’s real but just beware it’s a waste to feel that fate’s unfair, there’s no such thing as tragedy I can’t resent what’s meant to be” W H Y W A S T H I S C U T

On the Street #2

- THIS WHISTLING I JUST SNORTED

- I mean, I can’t whistle either so I shouldn’t be talking

- “Ahnest living man! 😒 *cartoon car skiddering noises* Feliz Navidad! 🙄”

- Why does “evening officers” sound so ominous-

- I can’t tell if the person playing the blanket/homeless person is running out of breath or if the audio was somehow cut

- Ok I think it’s the audio, Angel sounded really quiet for a second

Santa Fe

- Collins’ voice never ceases to surprise me

- “I preach!” “Hallelujah!” I did not expect that-

- “I beat the drum of apocalypse like orchestras on sinking ships” Is this a reference to both the aids epidemic and Titanic?

- It sounds like Collins says “you’re a sensitive a see” instead of “you’re a sensitive aesthete”

- “We’ll open up a restaurant” and “gains gains gains” interesting change??

I’ll Cover You

- The beginning is very very different

- “We’ll never be that desperate” “You’ll never have to be”

- OK ANGEL COME THROUGH WITH THE VOCALS YES AND THIS MUSIC OK

- “Open your door” Um no not with you sounding like that

- I AM LOSING IT SOMEONE SAID THIS CANGEL SOUNDS LIKE AN EPISODE OF CRIMINAL MINDS

- I miss the “yea yea yea yea yea” :(

Will I?

- Dang not them going from a (semi creepy) love song to a heart shattering support group session

You’ll Get Over It

- I SWEAR THAT FIRST NOTE SOUNDS SO MUCH LIKE THE FIRST NOTE IN “FALSETTOLAND/ABOUT TIME”

- “It’s times like these” IS THIS FALSETTOS?! THEY LITERALLY SAY “It’s about time don’t you think” IN THERE

- I mean… Falsettos did come out in ‘92

- Maureen how many times are you going to think about your ex boyfriend? You’re in a new relationship now, either respect her enough to break up with her or go get some therapy

- OH MARK IS ACTUALLY HERE NEVERMIND

- Why is she calling him “honey” and “baby” when she’s literally dating someone-

- Oh gosh please don’t tell me the reason Mark lost weight is because he’s genuinely starving (like in the opening number they say that they’re “hungry (and frozen)”)

- Mark is not having any of it. Good for him.

- WAIT MAUREEN IS THE ONE TO SAY THAT HER SAMPLES WONT DELAY SO THAT MEANS THERES NO TANGO MAUREEN NOO

- Now I’ll never know if Mark is from Scarsdale in this version 😔

- OH GOSH NOW I SEE WHY THEY CUT THIS

- This makes Mark slightly unlikeable, immature even

- “How’s it going?” “Not good. I’m depressed” OMG ME TOO BESTIE

- Mark reminds me of this nice guy™️ I used to know

- “Anyway, I treated you like dirt - you’ll get over it!” MA’AM?! HOW CAN YOU BE SO CASUAL ABOUT THIS?

- Oh that’s because her abusive tendencies are normal for her

- Ok I take it back, Mark isn’t a nice guy ™️ he’s just salty and has every right to be. I still don’t like what he said earlier though uGh

- WHEW OK NEVER MIND I MEANT WHAT I SAID EARLIER

- I can’t express how much I hate this, Mark is becoming so unlikeable and Maureen is just being her usual self

- The music is good but the lyrics just make Mark seem awful ugh and that’s fine if that’s what they’re going for but I’m still gonna hate him :)

- TW SEXUAL ASSAULT: MARK PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON’T TELL ME YOU ACTUALLY GROPED MAUREEN

- Oh gosh that’s so gross of him I truly hate Mark so much

Christmas Bells

- Mark saying “Maureen?” after Roger points out Mimi makes much more sense in this context

- Mark’s “woah!” isn’t nearly as funny as it is in the cast recording: 0/10 /hj

- The transition from the whole follow the man thing to the apology to the man being angry to Roger snapping at him has always been one of my favorite moments and this one did not disappoint

- I can’t decide whether I like the extra lines that the man has or whether I liked that it was cut

- I think I do like it actually

- Joanne is ✨ fed up ✨

- That “to” in “and it’s beginning to” was way too long

- Why does Maureen’s “last night I had this dream” sound so… weird? Almost robotic? Idk

- I was expecting “Joanne which way to the stage” but Joanne seems done with Maureen so it makes sense it’s not here

Over the Moon

- What even is going on in this version?

- TW: GORE/VIOLENCE: “She gauged her eyes out!” OK JUMP SCARE WARNING THIS ISN’T SWEENEY TODD

- NYTW Rent is back to being morbid 🤩

- Maureen is sounding more and more unhinged (which is ironic because I called Benny unhinged earlier and he’s the exact person she’s protesting against)

- Do I hear the music to Jaws?

- The person (Karen Oberlin?) who played Maureen for the first staged reading said that Maureen was supposed to be similar to Laurie Anderson? Which is apparently a stark contrast from the final version of Maureen?

- “The mOOon” MAUREEN WHAT ARE YOU ON

- This music is making my anxiety spike up for no apparent reason

- Never mind it’s the impending doom (that isn’t coming)

- Oh wait nvm I forgot this is a sad musical-

- How are you just going to say “Thank you” and leave after doing whatever the heck that was???

La Vie Boheme Part 1

- The waiter sounds more defeated in this than panicked. Cool.

- Mark’s “what?!” is also more toned down. I miss dramatic, loud Mark

- I was wondering why Anthony’s voice sounded so different all of a sudden and it’s because they had Roger say the “that’s a lie…I had a tea the other day” lines

- Please don’t start singing “do a little business” again

- RIP Blockbuster

- I’ve always loved how Benny’s voice sounds (at least when Taye Diggs, Rodney Hicks, and Jared Bedgood sing it) when he sings “a bright a charming girl like you…a fallacy in your head) but this just missed the mark imo :/

- Benny sounds like he’s trying to hard to be a villain but it’s just not working, he just sounds cuckoo

- “Hey sister, she’s my sister” So is Benny’s father in law not there or..?

- Ok I have never heard this next part (after “carmina burana”) before? And I can barely make out what they’re saying so I’m glad they cut it

- “Starring his former lovers current female lover as himself” w a i t w h a t a m i n o t g e t t i n g

- THEY CHANGED BENNY’S “Your new boyfriend doesn’t know about us” to MARK SAYING “Meet you in the bathroom” UM-

- “Another brother?” “Ex lover” Ok

- I FEEL SO BAD FOR ROGER AFTER HE STRUGGLES TO PLAY HIS SONG - MARK SAYS “Not now Roger” PLEASE 😭

- “I’ve been trying…I’ve got baggage” Roger sounds pretty decent here

La Vie Boheme Part 2

- This starts off so sarcastic too I love it

- “Send back your ghost or else we’ll have to get real jobs” Oop 👀

- Roger says the “Food of love…heavy competition” lines along with Angel

- Maureen sings the “Revolution…making pleas!” lines by herself

- “The opposite of war isn’t peace it’s creation” IM SO GLAD THEY KEPT THE MUSIC GOING AND CHANGED THE WAY THAT LINE WAS DELIVERED IN THE FINAL VERSION

- That ending was… underwhelming

I Should Tell You

- Bruh when is this song gonna start?

- JUST TELL EACH OTHER ALREADY

- “I can’t sleep at night, I’m scared to close my eyes” This is so sad. I know this is a fictional character but geez this girl is a literal teenager and dealing with so much

- “I’m so filled with fright, I rarely share, I criticize” this poor man is so depressed and it’s making me sad

- I really am loving this version, they’re both airing out their flaws before proceeding with a relationship and it’s emotional

- Never mind, what is going on with these lyrics

- I love that the “here goes” at the end made it to the final version

WHEW THAT WAS A LOT.

TIME FOR ACT TWO BESTIES!

Seasons of Love

- Ah yes, Seasons of Love

- This sounds so good-

- Is this slower than the final version?

- They sing “although it’s not the end” instead of “though the story never ends”

- WOAH IS THAT OUT TONIGHT?!

Out Tonight

- IT IS OUT TONIGHT

- It’s crazy how this is in act 2

- “I’ve got an itch - to be a b*tch” LOL

- “I need to laugh like a child” I’m genuinely so confused as to where this lyric came from

- It’s “Valentine’s Day” instead of “Christmas Day” here

- I WAS SO CONFUSED BEFORE REALIZING MAUREEN WAS THE ONE TALKING

- “Forget me not” Why is this man so dramatic 💀 this is giving me last day of school “HAGS!” vibes and I don’t know why-

- “Mark stop crying” I almost feel sorry for him

- “No this is not a phase I’m going through” !!!

- I’m starting to like this Maureen-

- “He loves me - he loves me more” I SWEAR IF ANGEL WAS IN THE BACKGROUND PICKING OFF PETALS DURING THIS I AM GOING TO DIE

Seasons of Love B

- This song placement makes no sense?

- Maybe the final version is faster than this one to show how little time they have left?

Voice Mail #3

- When the phone rang, and I half expected someone to go “Dr. Mendel please”

- “April is the cruelest month” I think February is but ok

- “Anyone but Mark, please leave a message” Who wants to join me on the (Demo) Mark Cohen is canceled train 😍

- Seriously is this man just harassing her with calls everyday? That’s creepy. She’s moved on, and so should he.

Without You

- Maureen is singing “Without You”?!

- I’m sorry but I don’t think it makes much sense for Maureen (and Joanne) to be singing this song. Maureen seemed like she didn’t even care about Joanne so saying things like “But I die without you” doesn’t add up. Unless she means “my toxicity dies without you and I need you in order to fuel my manipulation.”

- It’s very telling that Joanne sings the “Without you… the lungs breathe” part

Voice Mail #4

- “We went to steal an air conditioner” “We’ll be right back!” IM SCREAMING

- “Professor Collins” EW I AM NOT USED TO HEARING HIM CALLED THAT

- “He said he was gonna steal an air conditioner, maybe this isn’t the right number” LOL THIS IS THE SAME MAN WHO LATER REWIRES AN ATM

Contact

- Oh gosh no it’s ✨ contact ✨

- I don’t know how to feel about the first 15 seconds

- Never mind, it’s plain weird

- Angel’s “take me” sounds almost painful :( poor baby is SUFFERING

- “It’s over” Once again, Collins sounds like he’s going to commit a crime

I’ll Cover You Reprise

- TIME FOR S A D

- “Live in my house” I hate that I cringed

- I feel so bad but this Collins is just NOT. IT. The lines that are heavy with emotion (whether it’s grief or joy) always come across as creepy

- He sounds less creepy as the song goes on, so I’ll give him that

Goodbye Love

- I swear if Halloween isn’t in this, I’m going to riot

- “You said that you were leaving town last week” “You said that Benny was the most disgusting yuppie scum of the earth” THESE LYRICS SHEESH

- Maureen says “You said you’d give me some space” instead of “Who said I was talking to you” and this oddly sounds more mature of her than the final version?

- Mark’s “Calm down” and “Everyone please” in the background gives me “Oh no! Anyway” vibes. This man is saying this in the least alarming, non-forceful way ever. HE’S LIVING FOR THE DRAMA

- For a high energy/emotion song, it’s so slow

- “I gave a mile” “When you weren’t trashed” THAT WAS KINDA LOW

- LOL BENNY AND MARK SAYING “Come on guys chill” IN THE ABSOLUTE MOST UNFAZED WAY EVER IS SENDING ME THEY BOTH COULDN’T CARE LESS AND ARE HAPPY TO SEE THIS HAPPEN

- “Don’t give up Joanne?” Excuse me?? You cheated on her and was abusive

- “I live for you” Maureen this is so incredibly manipulative I can’t

- I missed Adam Pascal’s “ALLLLLLLLLLL YOUR WORDS ARE NICE MIMI”

- I’m so so happy they changed “one way street” to “three way street” because it makes more sense (Benny, Roger, heroin) and hits harder

- Wondering why they changed “tonight” into “today”

- Not the “I can’t believe this family must die - Angel helped us believe in love, I can’t believe you disagree” lines missing

- “Some of the best *voice crack* How could she?” MY HEART

- ROGER SOUNDS SO BROKEN OH MY GOSH

- “Use your right brain” LOLOL I SNORTED DO NOT BRING THAT UP IN A SONG LIKE THIS

- Everyone who has been personally victimized by Zombie Roger is entitled to financial compensation

- “I don’t know what I am” THAT LINE HURTS

- OH MY GOSH

- MARK SAYS “Who does” AND ROGER GETS ANNOYED AND SINGS “Oh God Mark, don’t you?!” AND THEN MARK IS THE ONE WHO SAYS THE “Mark has got his work…Mark hides in his work” LINES AND ROGER SAYS “From what?” AND THEN MARK SAYS “From facing my failure… facing the fact that I live a lie” THIS IS SO PERFECT I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS VERSION. I LOVE FINAL VERSION TOO BECAUSE THEY BOTH KINDA CALL EACH OTHER OUT BUT THIS IS JUST *screams*

- “You don't live a lie, tell you why. You never finished your film cause the standards you set for yourself are too high - but the fact remains that you're the one of us with the talent and the drive. The fact remains, Mark, you're the one to survive.” I AM LOSING IT

- THIS IS PERFECTION PLEASE

- I LOVE YOU JONATHAN LARSON

- “I’m afraid the burden’s gonna make me crack.” “If it does, just let me know, I’ll come back” STOP I AM ON THE VERGE OF TEARS-

- “Why’s it easier to return to a friend, than to burn with a lover till the end?” THIS LINE. THIS LINE RIGHT HERE. WHY WHY WHY WAS IT CUT.

- This is (Demo) Mark’s redemption arc oof

- “Mimi still loves Roger, Mimi’s just with Benny because Mimi’s getting weak” I AM BEGGING YOU ALL TO LISTEN TO THIS

- “I’ve gotta go” “Anything you need in Santa Fe?” “I’ll be fine - make your film” “Ok, love you. Call.” *whispers* “Love you too. I hate the fall.” IT IS TAKING EVERYTHING IN ME NOT TO START SOBBING

- I NEED TO SEE ADAM PASCAL AND ANTHONY RAPP SING THIS VERSION PLEASE IF IT’S OUT THERE GIVE ME A LINK

- Roger’s soft “You heard?” 🥺

- I’m just sitting here all sad and then Roger starts softly singing “Right brain, how do I find the right brain? I lost my map” SIR PLEASE STOP THIS IS TAKING ME OUT OF THE MOMENT

- Right brain will never not be funny

- Daphne’s voice sounds so pretty

- “Hello disease” and “They call me Mimi” being on the same note will never not crush my heart. She feels as if her disease has become her and it’s heart breaking.

- I love Mimi and Roger so much. Not necessarily together because the way they’re relationship started was just not it and they have so much work to do but I’m just rooting for them to come out on the other end ok 🥺

Real Estate

- I’m getting villain vibes from this

- Is this another “Do A Little Business”?

- Oh wait never mind it’s Angel’s burial

- I like the music in this

- “I give up” IS HALLOWEEN GOING TO START

- Ugh maybe I’m reading too much into things but the way Benny has talked to Alison this whole time irks me

- OK MUSIC COME THROUGH

- ITS GIVING ✨ QUIRKY VILLAIN ✨

- “I’m all alone” LOL I HATE THAT I LAUGHED I DID NOT EXPECT FOR HIM TO SAY THAT

- Ok I can definitely see why this was cut

- “My friends have flown or are dropping like flies.”

- LOL IM SORRY MARK I CAN’T FEEL BAD FOR YOU FOR BEING IN LOVE WITH MAUREEN AFTER LITERALLY HARASSING HER ABOUT HER SEX LIFE AND TRYING TO GET HER TO COME HAVE SEX WITH YOU-

- “My family’s nuts” I figured, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree /hj

- “I haven’t had sex in a millennium” This man is so dramatic like he could’ve said “*insert number* months” (which at least would’ve rhymed) but no he had to be dramatic

- Mark and Maureen, the drama king and queen 😍

- LOL IM SCREAMING BENNY IS TRYING TO OPEN UP A REAL ESTATE BUSINESS WITH MARK?!

- “Cohen and Coffin” I’m surprised he put Mark’s name first

- ALISON SPEAKS

- She honestly serves no purpose, I can see why she never appears on stage in the final version

- Imagine pouring out your heart and all your friend says is “hAvE yoU cOnSidEreD rEaL eStATe?”

- Ew please don’t mention that man’s name in a musical like this

- “Couldn’t we build low income housing” MARK STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME LIKE YOU

- Benny’s voice reminds me so much of those villainy voices on animated kids shows back in the day. Specifically the Magician from Frosty the Snowman (I barely remember what that man sounds like so please do not ask me to elaborate 💀).

- THIS CHANGE IN MUSIC WHAT IS HAPPENING

- IS ALISON FROM THE COUNTRY? IS THAT WHY THE CALLED HER A DEBUTANTE EARLIER SINCE THOSE THINGS ARE USUALLY IN THE SOUTH?

- “Any idiot can turn on a camera and shoot hobos” Alison, I hate you 😍

- “Last year filthy bum-“ “Person!” “Ok, filthy person.” I’M HONESTLY SO SHOCKED SHE SAID THAT BUT THEN AGAIN BENNY USES THE SAME LANGUAGE SO I SHOULDNT BE SURPRISED

- MARK I’M STARTING TO LIKE YOU MORE AND MORE FOR DOING THE BARE MINIMUM

- “I’m doomed forever to be poor” I KEEP FORGETTING THAT MARK ISN’T FROM SCARSDALE IN THIS AND THAT HE’S CUT OFF

- OH MY GOSH WAIT NO I THINK HE IS FROM SCARSDALE IN THIS VERSION BECAUSE BENNY SAYS “Meet you back in Scarsdale”

- MARK YOU ARE FRUSTRATING ME

- “Last year crummy boho goon, next year corporate tycoon” I.HATE.YOU.ALISON.

- MARK ROLLING HIS R 💀

Open Road

- “No you can’t save the world, better save your heart” PAIN

- I think I hear some Another Day undertones

- Roger is really concerning me

- I knows he’s talking about Mimi, but I can’t help but feel like he’s talking about April too

- This song is weirding me out, as I’m worried that he is going to have a breakdown

Voice Mail #5

- I don’t speak Spanish but I feel like the person playing Mimi’s mother definitely doesn’t either 💀

- Hm Roger’s moving to Brooklyn? That’s interesting, I wonder why he just didn’t go back to Manhattan (but the memories are too painful and he needs a fresh start)

- Is this… the Twilight Zone?

Finale A

- THE MUSIC TO SPLATTER IS PLAYING AGAIN I CAN ALREADY TELL THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOD

- TW SUICIDAL THOUGHTS: SO WE STARTED THE MUSICAL WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND NOW WE’RE ENDING IT WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. Great.

- They literally sound dead when singing “How we gonna pay”

- “Salutations” sounds out of character

- Creepy Collins is back at it again

- Benny demanding things from Alison (to the tune of Do A Little Business?) and then immediately singing “We are the world, we are the children” and then going back to singing to the tune of Do A Little Business tops every other unhinged thing he’s done /hj

- “No more fiction, this is an eviction” BABWHSHWHSNISKW

- OH MY GOSH I HATE BENNY I HATE BENNY I HATE BENNY SO MUCH

- YES ROGER TELL ALISON THE TRUTH

- “Markkkk!” OH NO MY HEART DROPPED NO

- It sounds like Roger is saying “Gooooo!” instead of the usual “Nooooo!”

- Oh no the Halloween music :(

- ROGERS “Over here, Oh God” WAS SO SOFT

- THIS POOR BOY

- “Collins will get you a doctor, honey” IM ABOUT TO CRY FR

- COLLINS COUNTING HIS MONEY AND ONLY HAVING $16 - THIS LUMP IN MY THROAT IS GETTING BIGGER

- “Wait, I’ll sell the camera” MY JAW DROPPED

- MY EYES ARE WATERY

- I’m so confused by Collins’ lyrics in this

- “I finished the film” “That’s great” MAUREEN IS NOT HAVING IT AND HONESTLY SHE SHOULDN’T BECAUSE ??? A 20 YEAR OLD WOMAN IS DYING - NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR FILM I UNDERSTAND YOU MIGHT BE TRYING TO GET YOUR MIND OFF THINGS BUT THIS IS NOT IT

- “It’s called, Today 4 U: Proof Positive” Mark sweetie stop trying she doesn’t care

- Mark and Maureen praying/pleading for Mimi to live-

- Mimi’s panicked “Don’t go!”

- They both say “I love you” at the same time 🥺

- Them singing “I Should Tell You” again is really sweet

- Ok so apparently Collins was singing to his coat (I guess because he was going to give it to Mimi?) so his lyrics make sense now

- Rogers’ voice getting louder when he sings “Who goes there” makes me think he’s screaming this at death, like he wants it to leave the people he loves alone

- I really love how this version doesn’t include Your Eyes, it’s just a short instrumental bit of it. It’s more impactful imo

Finale B

- “Moonstruck! The theme from moonstruck! Mooooooooooon!” W h a t

- Maureen says “She’s drenched” and Mark sings “Her fever’s breaking” I’m kinda confused as to why they changed it in the final version to Collins and Maureen

- “No day but today” *chefs kiss*

OK I’M DONE LISTENING AND THAT WAS A ROLLERCOASTER. Anyways, “The Right Brain” unfortunately lives rent free in my head now 😔 send help

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