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zalrb · 24 days

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i literally just saw a tweet re: challengers that basically said that it’s kind of hard to achieve the type of eroticism and sensuality that movies like that are supposed to have without life experience and zendaya doesn’t have that yet. i think there’s merit to that argument because i feel like zendaya either gets these roles for these huge franchises where she’s just meant to be The Girl like in spider man and dune or she gets these roles that seem too mature for her??? not that she’s immature just that it seems obvious that these films are supposed to establish her grown woman era but are just edgy in the most toothless way possible? i really think she did a great job with rue and euphoria but her film career kinda confuses me.

I think there's merit to that argument but not in relation to the eroticism but in relation to elevating a character.

“I’ve been playing 16-year-olds since I was 16,” Zendaya said, having launched her career on Disney Channel before moving on to projects such as HBO’s “Euphoria” and the most recent “Spider-Man” franchise, both centering on high schoolers. “So it was nice to play a character that was not a child anymore. It was also interesting playing parts of my life that I haven’t experienced yet: I’ve not gotten married. I’ve not had a child. Those milestones, I don’t necessarily have a direct reference point for. That was different to feel. Ultimately, it felt like the right time for a character like this.”

And I get that, but also I don't think she really pulls this off. Because as I keep saying, Tashi was underwritten but in the hands of a more mature actress, she would've been imbued with a lot more emotional nuance which would've been illustrated her complexity more.

I'm just going to repost what I said about Malcolm and Marie:

That being said, there was a review that I think succinctly and accurately summarized my feelings about Zendaya’s acting in it:

Zendaya makes a worthwhile case study, a Disney kid turned Hollywood powerhouse on the come-up. After years of playing teenagers, she is transitioning to more wholly developed, adult roles. But while I mostly enjoy her quiet, mumbling heartbreak on Euphoria — the wild, glittering teen HBO drama Levinson also spearheads — Malcolm & Marie puts into an unforgiving spotlight her weaknesses. Her decisions are obvious enough to feel them coming on. A furrowed brow. Jutted chin. She smokes cigarettes like the parody of French actors you’d expect in a midcentury Looney Tunes sketch. There’s an air just before crucial lines like she’s clearing her throat before a big speech. She doesn’t carry the weight of real emotion and complication — whether she’s quietly crying, stripped down in a bath, or shouting obscenities.

So for a movie like this, micro expressions are everything and like, when I think of micro expressions I always go to Sonequa because she’s masterful at them

so like, something like this

vs something like this:

Sonequa’s quiver doesn’t feel like she’s putting on a quiver, it feels like she’s really trying to gather herself.

This pout is a little more petulant than intended

And this isn’t to suggest that she’s bad in the movie more that I think she’s still growing as an actress and she needs to do roles like this to get better and command the screen the way she needs to because it’s not that I didn’t see her try, it’s that I saw her try.

So I absolutely agree with the assessment that she's either The Girl in the movies or she's supposed to be in her Grown Woman Era (although frankly I thought she was written as The Woman in this movie as well) but for where she needed to be/go in the present day scenes, I watched it like you have presence but you don't have the gravitas necessary for this.

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icinch · 1 year

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7 Old School Ways to Get Traffic that Work

New Post has been published on https://www.cinchhomebiz.com/7-old-school-ways-to-get-traffic-that-work/

7 Old School Ways to Get Traffic that Work

These are all super quick and fairly easy. In fact, there’s not a tactic here that will take more than an hour, and some can be done in just a few minutes. Some can get you traffic pretty quickly and others take time. My suggestion: Do one a day every day until you’ve done all the ones that interest you. Some you will continue to do daily, such as using Twitter, but of course you can also use automation to lighten the workload a bit…

Do product reviews. For driving traffic? You bet. Product reviews are easy to get ranked, especially if you do them in video. Here’s the trick: Don’t make it like every other product review out there. Instead, be real. Use your personality. Have fun with it. And ask the reader/viewer to subscribe to get more product reviews.

One more thing: TELL THE TRUTH about what you think of the product. I once landed on a product review that said, quite frankly, the product wasn’t worth the money. I didn’t buy that product, but I subscribed to the author’s list and have since purchased several hundred dollars of products from him because he earned my trust.

Create a keyword list. Then use it to write your articles and blog posts. It’s fine to write about whatever you want, but it’s even better to write about what people are actually searching for. By using a keyword list, you not only get new ideas, you are also better tuned into the market and what might get your articles ranked on Google. Once you write a new article, promote it on social media.

Find questions on forums and answer them in articles. If someone is asking something on a forum, there’s a good chance others are asking the same question. Go ahead and write an article, post it, then post your article link on the forum “for more information” after your answer.

Blogger.com is a high authority site, owned by Google (hint, hint). When you join, find the “about me” section and add your website URL along with your keywords in the anchor text which will contribute to better SEO for your primary website. Do the same with other popular sites online that allow you to create your own profile and backlink to your website.

Register with forums in your niche. Fill out the details on your profile, including your name and website. If the forum allows it, add your website or blog to your signature. Make several useful posts in each forum. What you’re shooting for here is quality backlinks, but if you find you enjoy posting to forums, keep at it. Your posts can drive traffic back to your site for years to come.

Join Twitter. Use Twitter. Seriously. Make several tweets, find people to follow in your niche, and each time you write an article, tweet about it. It’s amazing to me how many marketers still aren’t fully utilizing Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.

Set up an account at HubPages.com. This is another high authority site which can help with your rankings. Plus the content you post here can also rank high for your keywords. Remember to update your account with new content from time to time. And be sure to include a bio of what you do along with your URL.

All of these are pretty simple and can help to drive traffic to your website. So next time you’ve got a few extra minutes, pick one and get busy. It will be time well invested.

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delicrieux · 3 years

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—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”.

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing. word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie: y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!”

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth.

queen rly went from 🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing.

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.”

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall.

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets.

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout.

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx

#corpse husband #corpse husband x reader #corpse #corpse x reader #corpse husband x y/n #corpse x y/n #myso #make you say oh #imagine #imagines

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dimples-of-discontent · 4 years

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Oh anons flooding my inbox to tell me that I’m a conspiracy theorist for thinking there’s more to this finale than meets the eye and/or that it’s totally the writers’ fault, you have no idea how much I do not care! I’m tagging anything related as “finale theories” and you should feel free to blacklist it using whatever method you so choose. I’m staying away, until the dust settles, from drawing any conclusions about what exactly happened to the script (either to make it what it was pre-covid or post-covid) or what cut scenes might have contained, or who was at fault for how it all turned out.

To the anons who think I’m reading too much into Jensen and Misha’s relative “silence” on the finale, I have some comments. With Misha it’s harder to tell, but I am completely convinced that Jensen is deliberately not engaging with finale-related content because he’s so alienated, angry, and disappointed. I think Misha is finding ways to talk about it that he thinks will support the fandom, rather than the network, and frankly he is far more used to having to deal with the feeling of being screwed by the network but still loving the fans. But Jensen really trusted them and they did him really dirty.

Leaving aside the fact that neither Jensen nor Misha was in the CW “thank you” video--which is LOUD AF of them--let’s look at the social media angle. We already know that Jensen wasn’t happy with the finale as it was written (which likely included Dean dying and, yes, that was probably his biggest beef, but I’ll bet he had some words about Misha’s character too) and talked to several people about it. He was then told to accept it and make his peace and he did that and did the best he could. Now, since November 5th we’ve heard very little from him and definitely not in the ways you would expect to hear from the star of a long-running show like SPN.

He’s been much more forthcoming about how proud he was of the scene he shot with Misha in “Despair.” Jensen and Misha both posted about 15x18 and Jensen happily talked about it on a livestream. It meant so much to him personally (as the last scene they’d film together, or as a momentous moment in the show, or as something else) that he had someone film it on his phone just for him and admitted breaking character. They talked it through beforehand a lot. They talked about it after a lot and texted each other fan reaction videos. They were glad to be able to do something that meant so much to us and that brought the story to this point.

Over on Twitter, Misha seems pretty much his same self, using the proper hashtag (which in the old days of Twitter he used to mock Jensen for not knowing how to do) and RTing nostalgic comments from Kripke, Jim Michaels, etc. His personal tweets just tagged Jensen and Jared. The set pics he shared were from 15x18. Jensen just gave Entertainment Weekly a RT for the finale. He’s pretty much full-time on Instagram, but that’s still pretty little engagement. He liked two tweets, both on 11/5 when 15x18 was airing, by Misha and Bobo Berens, but zero tweets related to the finale. (Jared tweeted during the finale a few times and then sent some comfort to the fans. FWIW he also didn’t RT or tag any network folks. I think he’s probably less happy than he seems, but he’s a company boy doing a new show with them so his hands are tied.)

Over on Instagram, on the day of the finale Misha was busy. He posted a pic of Maise “Spon on-set props assistant” in a trench coat robe. Jensen liked that. He also posted a video recapping and asking people to tune into the finale. Jensen did not like that. THEN he posted a pic of him and Jensen filming 15x18. Jensen liked that. Pic of Misha and the kids about to watch SPN? Jensen likes it. Pic of Misha crying during the finale and saying how much he’s going to miss Sam and Dean that actually tags Jensen? Jensen does not like it. The gist? Jensen “likes” all Misha’s posts from that day except the two related to the content of the finale (rather than watching it with West and Maison...and besides, soft boy Jensen isn’t going to not like a pic of West and Maison!).

And here’s Jensen’s account. On November 3rd, Jensen posts to thank TV Guide. On the 19th he posts to thank Entertainment Weekly. On the day of the finale, he posts a pic of Dean’s boots and a video of him getting dressed as Dean “for the last time - for now.” (I think that was a clumsy attempt not to spoil anything but I will also hold onto the idea that maybe he will do his own version of a sequel. The day after the finale he posts a slightly salty photo of the piece of rebar (aka “the rusty nail”) that killed Dean captioned “Excuse me....uh, ‘set dec’!!! Can we get this removed please?!?!” and uses the hashtag “spnfamilyforever.” That’s the hashtag for us--for the fans--rather than anything official. Those posts were both for us too, showing him loving Dean and loving being Dean and being just as pissed as us about his death. (For the record, Jared posted a pic of him watching the finale, also hashtagging the spnfamily, and Jensen liked it.)

All the people that he’s not thanking reads very loudly. Contrast to all the thanks he (and everyone else) were throwing like roses at the 300th episode party. Jensen is a generous guy. He’s professional, everyone likes him, and he likes to credit everyone for their accomplishments. For him to be this silent and not write a single caption thanking ANYONE aside from TV Guide and Entertainment Weekly (who he needs to keep on his good side for his own production company)? IS SO OUT OF CHARACTER!!! Every con, every interview, he talks about how they couldn’t do what they do without the help of all these other people along the way. To not have it in him to thank those people? He must be hurting so incredibly badly.

He cares about us so he’ll do what he can for the SPN family. But it won’t surprise me if the clusterfuck of an ending alienated him so much that we don’t get things we might otherwise (more panels, for example, or cons) because he is just done working with the people who hurt him. I’m glad he was smiling in that most recent livestream because he sure doesn’t seem happy right now.

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soyouareandrewdobson · 3 years

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…the ugly. SYAC: The Master Review 4

Last post I covered much of what I consider the good or passable strips of SYAC of the pre-Dobbear era. What I have admittedly not covered yet, were three certain characters of the strip that exist beside Dobson.

Persistent Pam

Curmudgeonly Carl

And… this guy I am not even sure has a name.

No, seriously. He shows up in like the 61th strip of the series for the first time and yet I never see his name mentioned once

All I know is that he is an accountant, who pities Dobson (for good reason)

And despite Dobson not liking alcohol, they regularly meet up in a bar as if they are some late 80s comedy duo

Funnily enough, he shows up way before Pam, who would have her premiere in these strips

And despite only showing up in a few strips after her premiere (mostly to make “fun” of overbearing and snarky commissioners I suppose…)

She actually managed something no other character or series by Dobson managed to get: A fanclub

Not that she would really be of any major importance afterwards.

As for Carl, he is supposed to be something like an antagonistic embodiment of Dobson’s “old” art teachers and people being stuck in old ways, who shows up for the following strips forming a sort of arc.

In addition, it is very obvious, that Carl is supposed to be a mockery of people flaming Dobson. Not helped by the fact that THIS character sheet of him made by Dobson assures us, that there were quite a few even less “endorsing” things he wanted to name the character.

Yet funnily enough, Carl turned into such a popular character with readers, Dobson was essentially “forced” to make him reappear in other strips. Not of the “classical” SYAC strips, but he showed up as the “antagonist” to Tenku in the storydriven multi pagers. Though even antagonist is a strong word, as he is essentially more of a jerkish art teacher and college advisor who is harsh on Tenku, but actually has his best interests in mind. To the point he even offers him to be his “harsher” art critic in the years till he enters college, because he wants to see him grow artistically.

However, Carl was also more of an “accident”. Cause when it came otherwise to tackling criticism or things that irked Dobson (and were not anime related) he would end up more or less creating strips that painted him in a manner where he would supposedly always look like “the better” compared to his opposition or mock it. Which is where a lot of the irk Dobson would earn over the years eventually comes from.

Now to be fair, I do not want to call every comic in that regard “strawmanning”, nor do I want to say that Dobson doesn’t have the right to also mock to a certain extend the mentality of certain “snobs” and so on. For example…

On one hand, I know there are people out there who think they are “special” by having the best tools at their disposal. When in reality you can achieve good results also with less expensive stuff. So mocking that sort of attitude is fine to me to some extend

BUT, when you also make down the line a comic like this…

… essentially making yourself come off as a “better” artist or person than others because you have “chosen” the better mass produced crap (btw, that is coming from someone who types this review on a Mac that runs Windows) , then the hypocrisy ends up to be rather strong with you.

Which is also essentially the biggest issue with the strips I am about to show. The hypocrisy of Andrew Dobson. And no, I do not mean the tumblr blog by that. I mean the simple fact, that the content of some of the soon to follow strips gets kinda muddled when you take into consideration some of the things real life Dobson had said and done either at the time or in the years to come. Well that and the way how he tries to mock issues people have with his work, not realizing how he is essentially just reassuring those “silly critics” in their opinions while making his flaws more obvious to people that may have been previously unaware of them.

But enough talk, let me just show you in quick succession examples to confirm said point.

Considering Dobson’s longterm disdain for DnD you have to wonder what the joke really is outside of him portraying DnD players as ugly nerds, supposedly too geeky even for him. Which is hilarious in hindsight as he would years later become a fan of TAZ among other things.

Less hypocritical but the set up is kinda flawed. Like, you are obviously at a convention trying to sell stuff. Why would some old dude not interested in “kids crap” be at the convention anyway? Is he just bringing someone there and just wants to go, but first needs time to belittle your life choices?

Rather hilarious in hindsight to me. Cause for someone claiming he has ideas that last for a life time and who seems rather distraught on the idea of others giving their input, he turned out to be so in need of ideas. Alex ze Pirate e.g. became from 2015 onward only defined by Dobson talking about the sexualities of his characters (and not even in comic as by that point it was discontinued, but rather in tweets and so on). Formera, which ran heavily on cheap shonen anime tropes ended up cancelled after two volumes, Cabin Rest was a failure after 20 strips, 2019 he relied primarily on cheap comics about Miraculous Ladybug and his understanding of certain genres is so bad, he can’t even think up the most basic ideas for a magical girl story.

Weirdly enough, that pitch of a garbage truck driver who fights crime? I think that could make for an enjoyable short story about a vigilante a la the Punisher or Sin-City.

The way Dobson perceives criticism, while also essentially giving a quick rundown how he appreciated criticism in his childhood way better than in adulthood. Yeah, because criticism by your parents as a kid was always VERY constructive. (looks back at certain drawings from own childhood) brrr. And sorry Dobson, but sometimes criticism by strangers is better than criticism from friends. Cause friends may mince their words. Plus people have over time given you quite some insightful criticism aside “U SUX” when it comes to comics. You were just never willing to listen

Hey Dobson, you hear that? That is the sound of your career, dying and no one caring.

Yeah, I think someone who made such “brilliant” comedy as in these comics, totally has the right not to listen to what seems to be solid theoretical advice.

BTW, that Talus comic… I swear to god the worst “joke” Dobson ever told.

Wow. You essentially make a point why you suck at drawing. While still not trying to change.

And as someone else once said: Don’t play with fire if you can’t deal with the heat, BLOCK-son!

This is not how I perceived your shit over the years. See, on one hand it is true that Alex ze Pirate e.g. has its own webpage to read the comic for free. HOWEVER most of his comics Dobson would hide from the start behind a paywall. The idea being that he would e.g. put a small reading sample of 10-15 pages up somewhere and then expect people to buy his comic for full price to get the rest. And you know, if you are e.g. a professionally published writer, that is fine. But when your average art output looks like THIS

And you expect people to pay more than 10 dollars for something that is only around 70 pages long while most people can get 200+ pages for the same amount of money that look like this…

You can frankly go and screw yourself.

On one hand I get that the joke is meant to be, that as an independent content creator you may find yourself in a weird spot where your “child friendly” work may be put in a palace between edgier stuff other creators sell at conventions. On the other hand, I find it rather insulting in hindsight, that self declared feminist Andrew Dobson portrays such competition as either psychopathic murderers or stereotypical cartoon bimbos. If modern day Dobson saw the same strip by any other person, he would be insulted on behalf of the female that she is portrayed as a bimbo, when she could also be a very smart and attractive woman who knows how to tell brave and sexy stories.

Also, I have read your “child friendly” stuff, Dobson. I would call Atea or Alex abusive bitches who like to bully orphans but child friendly? Not to forget that your work is so basic and shallow in depth, it’s like the someone tried to create a chimera out of some of the worst traits associated with Dora the Explorer, 80s toodler cartoons and the Fairly Oddparents.

I frankly hate this theory on comedy. It is true, a lot of comedy can be deprived from conflict, misunderstandings etc. Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry and other cartoons as well as screwball comedies such as Rat Race can depend on it. Heck, one of my favorite comedians of all time is Christopher Titus, who based his entire career on the misery and absurdity of his life.

But comedy is not just defined by misery and conflict.

There are for example also the following theories when it comes to comedy…

And to get back e.g. to Titus, yes, he has build a lot of his comedy on the bad stuff that happened in his life. But he is also someone who in his comedy has build a lot of punchlines on the absurdity of certain situations he has been in life but which in a way have enriched his life positively.

What I am trying to say is, comedy (and entertainment in that regard) does not just have to be defined by misery. And all things considered Dobson, you could have really tried to also just make comics wherein either you or your characters are just happy with their situation in life.

For example, this page from an Owl House fancomic?

I think it holds more entertainment value than your “joke” right here, despite not even telling a joke.

Simply because as a page overall, it tries to convey a positive emotion. Which is more than I can say about the strip.

Because of a lack of different level of thickness regarding your lines, which would trick people into perceiving depth, the fact that the fill bucket and shade layers can only do so much to cover for the rather monochromatic dull nature of your comic, the fact that your characters are not really all that complex and look rather simplicstic even compared to stuff from a comic like this…

And that is just coming from the top of my head as someone who never studied art. If any reader has something to add, I am willing to listen

And considering you could in later years never keep up to any release schedule, which among other things resulted in only three SYAC strips in total being released in 2016, I say go fuck yourself. Not to forget that even some of the worst newspaper comic strips out there tend to actually find a decent following and good jokes eventually, otherwise they would not manage to stay popular for years, if not even decades.

As someone who has worked internships a lot in life, I just want to say fuck you in all our names. Glad to see you having just as much respect for interns than any other scumbag on the planet. Probably even less respect, cause you know, in some places interns tend to get paid.

Also, there is supposedly an entire real world story going on about Dobson having worked at his former university at the time the comic came out and Chaz is based on a fellow intern.

Things are unfortunately rather vague in that regard and only hold up by demonstrative evidence such as the name of Chaz showing up in certain pages of the university and Dobson’s internship being mentioned somewhere.

Well, would you look at that: People have different opinions on your stuff.

There are ways to draw memes funny and then there are ways to fail at them

You failed.

Funnily enough, that comic rings a lot truer to text than you expect. Considering how Dobson would often emulate certain aesthetics in his comics of shows that were rather passee by the time he published his stuff, plus how he will obsess over certain trends and games for years to come (like Skyrim or his Quiet Hate Boner) while also being unaware about current trends (how do you e.g. not have heard of My Hero Academia by 2018 at least once by accident?) Dobson has always been kinda late to the party. Missing the “zeitgeist” of nerd culture and as such never quite finding an audience.

Yeah, what Pam says. Not helped by the fact that yes, the floating eyebrows are real. Look at some earlier sketches or “professionally published” comics by his and you will see that each time characters get excited, their eyebrows will suddenly split into sets of three and float higher than Pennywise’s victims.

Ironically, that fits real life Dobson at the time and later on even more so than this comic version did. Sorry, but what am I supposed to call a person who has an hate boner on anime for years for superfluous reasons, made Danny and Spot a “gaming webcomic” deliberately to piss on non Nintendo fans and has admitted in some by now deleted youtube video, that he kept a list of usernames from an old forum just to remember even years later the people that were mean to him online?

Fuck both of you. I do not expect the Sixtin Chapel in the background, but something to filll up the empty space behind you is at times needed.

The comic here is actually called politics. … ironic how things changed once a certain reality show host turned president.

Jesus Christ. I am not even that much of a Transformers fan (Prime fan for life however) but even I know that this is not supposed to be what you design the head of a Transformer like. Not even if they ever produce the Transformers equivalent of Teen Titans Go.

Too bad you still can’t stand the heat, otherwise you wouldn’t have completely disappeared last year.

When you know you are in a no win situation, and still manage to choose an even dumber option to escape. I really don’t get it. I just think the Portal reference makes the comic dated and Dobsn’s attempt at a smug face looks so stupid. Like his cheeks are falling in and his mouth is about ready to get raped by a garden hose or something.

Yeah, considering Dobson’s later constant need for safe spaces and to be in control of a situation and the narrative, which led to so many blocks over the years… if you know anything about Dobson, how this comic becomes harsher in hindsight is rather self explanatory. I just want to say one thing: There is a difference between genuine agoraphobia and just wanting to be by yourself. And I think Dobson just prefers the later on average. Which is okay, but humans still need to interact with other human beings in one form or another, even just for the sake of keeping their mental health stable. Why do you think are so many people getting depressed in times of covid lockdowns, despite many having all sorts of technical gimmicks at their disposal to at least keep boredom at bay?

And by putting himself into a bubble like that, I think Dobson has deprived himself of some of the most basic human interaction, which was likely a severe factor in his mental degeneration over the last years.

It is still a valid suggestion! Just draw some cartoon characters or a nice fantasy scenario on a mural and earn yourself some bucks. Just be sure they are not by Disney or the Mouse will tear down the school!

… Just google up the words Andrew Dobson and Samus Aran commission by ED and you will see how this comic just further shows how much Dobson seems to actually be proud of being an unproductive asshole.

And by the way, I know that any form of artistic work takes time. Just writing these review posts takes a lot of time for me. But that doesn’t change the fact that people should post and create stuff in a timely fashion, especially when there are e.g. deadlines to hold up too. And by the way, Sloth’s don’t have fingers, they have claws!

And that is it.

Sorry if I missed anything folks, but I just saw how many pages in word this is already filling up, so I call quits for this part here right now. I think I made my point about how Dobson trying to badly deflect arguments people may make against his art and work ethics via jokes clear enough, while also showing some posts that are either harsher or hilarious in hindsight.

Next time we will however address one certain issue about our main character, that has been not directly addressed here. In the meantime, have a little fun video that shows hopefully how entertainment and a certain amount of comedy can be gained NOT via misery.

youtube

#adobsoncomic #Andrew Dobson #Tom Preston #comic #webcomics #syac #so...you are a cartoonist #review #master review

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vegetalass · 3 years

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Hey there! Your RDR2 headcanons are fantastic, and I’m itching for more! I’m not sure if you’re still active, but if you are... Could I possibly request some Arthur, Javier, Charles, and/or Sean headcanons about a tall female/gender neutral reader who is insecure about their height? SFW or NSFW welcome. 💕

hi!!!🥰 Thank you for enjoying my work so much!!!

I’m not really all that active, but I’m around! I guess you could call it an indefinite hiatus (?), maybe, but I’m not too sure! I mostly just pick and choose the asks I feel like doing if I’m in the mood to write.💘

that being said.... in the words of our lord and savior megan thee stallion... PUT THEM LEGS ON HIS HEAD NOW HE LOVE TALL WOMEN AHHH (she’s talking about all the rdr2 boys)

find me at @ihatebnha...

enjoy!

Arthur

This man is fucking stupid

For all the insecurities he has regarding himself, he definitely isn’t going to be aware about ANY of yours

And he definitely isn’t going to notice anything is upsetting you unless you specifically tell him

And even then, he’s not really going to understand why you’re insecure in the first place

This is mostly because he doesn’t think you have flaws. If he doesn’t see anything wrong with you, then clearly you don’t either and whatever it is that’s bothering you doesn’t matter and therefore isn’t important or will go away on it’s own

Honestly, in Arthur’s mind, he has bigger fish to fry than worry about whether his girl is short or tall

If he likes you and did enough to get you to like him back (especially since he has a lot of baggage), then that’s all that matters

If you bring it up with him, however, it’s big dumbass hours

“Arthur, I’m just so… tall! Doesn’t that bother you?”

“Tall is strong. Strong is good.”

“But… I don’t look like a lady.. Like Tilly and Mary-Beth and Karen and all them other girls… Doesn’t that bother you?”

“Why would I want you to look like them…?”

It takes awhile, but if you keep it up it probably does get to the point where he realizes you’re genuinely insecure, especially if he’s been brushing it off for a while and your mood starts being affected

It’s then that he’ll pull you aside and just explain to you that he couldn’t give a damn what you look like, since you’re wayyyyyyy out of his league anyway

Probably does that thing where he talks to you for like an hour about how the lifestyle you live is dangerous and love is fleeting so all that matters is that you have each other and blah blah blah

And you have to be like …. “Arthur…. hush…”

Honestly, even when he’s aware that you’re insecure about your height, not much is gonna change EXCEPT he’ll probably try to pick you up wayyyyy more often

Which would be weird except for the fact he can totally do it no sweat

(because I mean… look at this dude….)

You scream and tell him to put you down and he’s like “What? Think I can’t pick up my woman? I’m a lil offended…”

And then he’ll just wrap your legs around his torso and you have to hold on for dear life because he’s not gonna put you down

Overall, Arthur is too much of an outlaw with abandonment issues to worry about looks. Frankly… he sees woman he likes… he gets boner… It’s pretty simple.

Charles

Charles is… both more and less helpful than Arthur

He definitely takes the same approach of like… “Tall = Strong, which is GOOD,” but he’s so casual about it that it’s honestly not going to be that reassuring

You try to bring it up once or twice and he just… doesn’t really get that it’s an insecurity and not something that can be solved with a simple, logical answer

He kinda just assumes that since you’re together, you already know he likes how you look

(Because he really, truly does)

So he wonders why he would need to say anything to you about it other than something like, “you look fine,” if you brought it up

This is okay for the most part… but on the days when you’re more bummed out about it than usual, it can be really annoying

Plus, getting him into the zone where he can talk about feelings is pretty hard

Not that he’s not willing to, I just think he doesn’t automatically know when you’re trying to have a heart to heart vs. when you’re just chatting

Especially since you don’t have that much alone time at camp and are often focused on missions otherwise

So you would really have to pull him away from whatever he was doing to fully show him that you were serious

He’s great though, because once he truly gets what you mean, he’s going to put in the most effort to mitigate those feelings

Not only does he fully express in words how much he adores you (height and all) after you explain, he’s gonna try to put more effort into his actions, as well, so you can feel it without him having to reassure you verbally

Holding you from behind, rubbing your thighs, leaning on you more, kissing your ankles etc.

And God forbid anybody make a comment about your height, he’s going to snap their spine

Honestly, to Charles, long as you’re looking healthy and strong and responding to him normally he thinks you look GOOD

Javier

He likes tall women. That’s it. That’s the tweet.

In a relationship, Javier is honestly just happy as long as you’re happy, so the moment you show signs of being insecure, he’s on that shit trying to fix it

Pretty in-tune and open with emotions in general, so it’s never been hard for you to talk about these kinds of things together (much less anything else)

Though he’s another guy who just assumes that you already knew he liked how you looked, he’s definitely not one to shy away from telling you OR showing you if there’s ever moments when you’re feeling extra down about it

(But that’s not often since he isn’t really shy about loving on you)

Especially if he gets to kiss you and make you smile or laugh while doing it

Whispers in your ear about how much he loves you, hands are always NOT where they should be, creeping up your skirt and trousers, limbs all tangled up when you lay on each other at the campfire, etc.

Probably the easiest one to talk to about the whole thing, as he’s always willing to listen to you and immediately understands what you mean when you bring it up

Since I’m sure he sometimes feels like the shortest guy in the group

That being said, since you’re not afraid to be honest about how you feel, you balance each other out very well

And Javier loves knowing he’s the only one who gets to take you down (SPICY!!!)

If another guy makes any comments about you, expect him to get pretty raunchy about how much he likes you

(For Ex: You wish you were me, bitch!!!)

It’s both flattering and embarrassing at the same time

Sean

The fact that you even gave Sean the time of day is enough to make his pants tight, so he is definitely not thinking about your height

There is probably nothing wrong with you that he can actually point out, and probably genuinely thinks that you have no flaws

He honestly doesn’t even figure that there’s anything you could actually insecure about, mostly because he loves all of you, always has, and probably always will

So to learn you’re unconfident about your height is kinda shocking to him

Especially since he also isn’t shy about loving on you 24/7…

So for it not to be enough to quell your worries… that must mean it’s pretty serious

(He’s like: “ARE YA KIDDIN?”)

Definitely does his best to vocally and physically reassure you all the time (even if you don’t need it)

(He’s not as smooth as Javier is, though)

All his suggestive comments get a thousand times worse, and he’s always at your side or trailing right behind you

Also always wants you in his lap. No matter what. Be in his lap. Aggressively pats his lap until you sit on him.

Definitely randomly points out you guys are together to whoever is even remotely looking ing your direction

“You see that fine thing? Yea, that one… She’s all mine…” klsdjfalksjd

It probably gets to the point where he starts using embarrassing nicknames or getting in the way of being sneaky and you have to tell him to knock it off

(Unless you’re, idk, into it *wink wonk*)

But he really just means well

He just really doesn’t want you to feel insecure about yourself, and would do anything to change that, even if it’s a little overbearing

#red dead redemption 2 headcanons #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan x reader #rdr2 headcanons #rdr2 x reader #ask #anonymous #Anon #tall girls please hit me up

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1ddiscourseoftheday · 4 years

Text

💀 Sat 3 Oct ‘20 🎃

Harryween may have been pushed back to next year, but you know who always come through for us in the clutch: Liam! The LP show logo on veeps has changed to a version that's a carved pumpkin with spoopy flames inside, suggesting a halloween event. How will Liam top the costume he already wore at his birthday stream? I'm aflutter with chills of anticipation... Also he finished the skull drawing he started on his livestream the other day and captioned it “getting ready for Halloween.” I'd have been wildly impressed anyway, but seeing it go from a pencil outline to a shaded masterpiece makes it even more impressive. This fandom is full of things that seem too improbable to be real, and Liam being not just an incredibly talented musician but also a one-time olympic level runner and skilled visual artist with a miraculous kidney who once saved someone from a burning building comes in ahead of even the frankly unrealistic number of identical twins we have to deal with, someone really needs to speak with the writers about dialing it back a touch. Who does they think he is, James Bond or something?!

Charlie Lightening (who was on hand 24/7 at the time of the Walls release and shared with a fan the anxiety he and the rest of Team Louis were feeling about whether it would do well) posted about the album's unexpected return to the chart this week, saying “shoutout to the fans who made this happen. I've seen [their] support globally it's something else,” and Jamie Hartman, who Louis credits with finding him the sound he wanted in their work together, also thanked fans (“[Louis] has some of the most amazing fans in the bloody world!”) and said he “was with him all week making some new magic so it was perfect timing.” Jamie tagged the wrong account for Louis but that's okay since he would have been able to congratulate him in person anyway while they banged out the “four songs in four days” Louis just told us about! What a welcome interruption that wild fan intervention must have been and the perfect boost for those new tunes- talk about a win for fans.

Niall says “we're back!” with a OOTD post and a 9 song playlist for BBC1, so Niall stans who feared that his recent tweet about taking time out might mean we wouldn't hear from him for a while can turn those frowns upside down! I believe he meant not that he was going dark and disappearing but simply that he doesn't plan to release new music while promo and touring are still hampered, which certainly makes sense given the interruption of the Heartbreak Weather release, and his continued media presence would seem to confirm this.

Hey, do you know who else ISN'T James Bond? Well, all of them (even Louis, he was the evil cat), but only one of them went on record to say so today; Harry. According to his team rumors published in the Daily Mail saying he was in meetings to star in the franchise, “aren't even remotely true.” And last but not least, add a name to the varied and bizarre assortment of celebs who have praised Harry: Jon Bon Jovi, who said, “Harry Styles is the real deal. He’s really great.” Someday we'll have to compile that list; it will be thousands long and genuinely the funniest most random possible assortment of people, I'd love to be at that dinner party (but ofc not really as that would be very unsafe and unlike n*zi politicians I would not want to see the Harry fan club suffer the consequences of careless socializing.)

#liam payne #louis tomlinson #Harry Styles #Niall Horan #Eleanor is taking Cliff out again at last! but by driving to the park not walking him over by Louis' house #presumably because she stays at her place and out of the way when Louis is in residence #oh look Jamie lives right near Oxford how about that looks like I was RIGHT HMMM #I hope everyone who harrassed those poor fans on twitter saying they were lying feels bad #I hope Louis and Cliff had a great trip up there and got some nice walks in #Jamie also has a dog named Harry who looks an awful lot like Bruce WHY IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS #you know what though I actually remember being in London years ago and being like #why does everyone here have the same like 3 kinds of dogs only #not like here in the states where it's just thousands of kinds like I didn't think that was real I figured it was just me but...#now I'm wondering if maybe I was on to something??#anyway Cliffy's RAINCOAT OMG I LOVE pampered boyo in a hoodie PRECIOUS #also: Liam is a Gary Sue why are you booing me I'm right #if this were a fic I was betaing I would have Things to Say about the Liam OC #charlie lightening #eleanor #cliff #Jamie Hartman #theLPshow #3 oct 20 #bon jovi #okay nice I see tumblr just fully erased my final edit before posting great great #the fact that naill and lewis are hanging out can go in tomorrow but for todays tags i DID want to say #that all those happy little new family outing posts the last few days from nick and briana?#Tammi posted stuff showing the whole family was there LMAO #FAKE FAKE FAKE #tammi doesn't trust briana to watch her kid any more than we would tbh lol

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seihun · 4 years

Text

can i be your boyfriend? — a bbh social media au

ϟ prev ◂ part 15B ▸ next

ϟ pairings: byun baekhyun + oc:reader

ϟ word count: not too long, hopefully, because this is supposed to be a social media au (2.6k)

ϟ notes: hello! look at me, writing things out on this fake text blog, and updating before midnight. i don’t usually do this, but somethings are better said in incoherent paragraphs than in screenshots, plus it’s hard to convey the in-between steps of a relationship through just texts, so i hope you enjoy this insight into their budding relationship 🤗 more notes at the end!!

MONDAY.

“How exactly is it that you started working at Buzzfeed?” you question, reaching over a pillow to dip your bread in olive oil.

Baekhyun watches with amusement as you whine audibly when some runny oil drips from the bread onto your jeans. The indoor picnic he’d set up is pretty damn great if he does say so himself—blankets, pillows, and enough Italian food to feed a small army; and you, of course.

It’s another one of his many, many dates with you—or at least, he’s pretty certain they’ve been dates. Hearing you confirm that you like him was definitely a confidence booster, and reassuring, to say the least, but if Baekhyun’s being completely honest, he’s not sure where to go from here.

He likes you, he knows that much. He likes you a lot; a lot, a lot—(“You’re halfway in love with her, call it what it is,” Minseok said, before getting his ear pinched by Maize)—and he definitely loves spending time with you, and if you asked him, he’d say you’re dating casually, but would you agree?

It’s not like he would know, this is his first serious sort-of-relationship, after all. Baekhyun was never exactly the most suave kid back in high school; more clumsy and awkward than anything with anyone who wasn’t Kyungsoo. He’s not a complete novice; he’s been on dates, gone out, even had a few one night stands in his freshman year, but nothing close to this—whatever it is he has with you—so sue him for basically winging everything for these past two months.

“Honestly,” he recounts, “I did what you did. I complained publicly about one of their posts, and someone DMed, and eventually offered me a job, and here I am.”

“Wait, that’s not fair!” you whine, “Nobody wanted to pay me for my complaint tweets!”

“Well you should have tagged the VP of the company, not me.”

Baekhyun laughs while you pout, toothy smile diminishes into a closed lip one, as his eyes glaze over and flutter between your eyes and your lips. He finds himself leaning in after you, a nervous kind of excitement taking over him as you grow closer. And it’s just barely after his lips have grazed yours that you’re both interrupted by the buzzing and ringing of a cellphone.

You seem to know that it’s your phone, if the crinkling of your eyebrows and embarrassed exhale are anything to go by. Baekhyun simply chuckles, gently presses his index finger to the tip of your nose, and pulls away with a smile.

He watches you fetch your phone, and reluctantly answer the call—which, appears to be a FaceTime judging by the noise and the distance with which you hold your phone from your face.

“Chanyeol, if you’re trying to let Sehun win best friend of the year, you’re succeeding,” are your first words, and Baekhyun can’t help the audible laughter that leaves his mouth.

It doesn’t go unnoticed by you, or Chanyeol. “Who’s laughing, are you—is it the Buzzfeed boy? Oh, is this is a date? Baekhyun are you listening! Hello! My name’s Chanyeol, and I’m—”

“I’m going to hang up on you, what do you want!” you hiss.

Baekhyun finds himself smiling throughout the rest of your conversation. He likes that you’re comfortable enough to answer Chanyeol in front of him; he thinks that if Maize or Kyungsoo or Minseok called him, he’d pick it up in front of too. He’s not too sure about Junmyeon, though, he’s more likely to embarrass him.

Baekhyun hopes he can stick around long enough to meet the rest of your friends—from what you’ve told him about them, they sound like just the kind of people he likes having around. And after hearing how long you’ve been friends with them, namely Sehun, he finds himself even more understanding of your dynamics.

Not many people get just how deep a friendship can run, so when he tells people he’s known Kyungsoo for as long as Kyungsoo’s been alive, their reactions are surface level at best. But you get it, because Sehun is your Kyungsoo; or, rather, you’re Sehun’s Kyungsoo. Baekhyun shakes his head at the thought—the point is, you’re both similar in that respect, and he likes it. He likes you.

“Anyway,” he tunes back into to hear Chanyeol sighing, “I just wanted to let you know I burned the bear, so our apartment smells like smoke, which makes Sehun and I homeless for the evening, so we’re at your place, please bring dinner.”

“What do you mean you burned it! Chan—”

“You know, as in we lit it on fire. Sehun also wanted to throw it off the roof, but Chungha stopped him, so we just did it our living room, and now she’s being a meanie and saying she can’t help refuge us because she has a ‘group project’ meeting at her place in an hour, which I think is a lie. Baekhyun, if you’re still listening, I want you to know that I’m not a pyromaniac—”

“—Debatable—”

“I’m not. Anyways, bring food when you’re done flirting, Sehun and I are hungry, and Chungs is leaving us foodless, as per usual.”

“Then buy food.”

“Do I look rich to you?”

“Yes, actually—”

“Hyung—oh, hey, is that _____?” Sehun’s voice asks, “Hey, Chanyeol finished the gummy worms, can you—”

“I’m hanging up!”

Baekhyun watches with light in his eyes as you hurriedly end the call, then sheepishly turn back to him. “I am… so sorry they’re like this,” you apologize, putting your phone back face down on the blanket and composing yourself.

Baekhyun shakes his head, “Don’t worry, my friends are much worse.”

“Your friends are smart,” you reason, “And quiet, and don’t break into my apartment at their earliest convenience.”

“Actually, Junmyeon has done that last one,” Baekhyun hums, scooting a bit closer to you, “Except, it wasn’t my apartment, he broke into Minseok’s. Let’s just say it didn’t end well for him.”

Baekhyun thinks the embarrassing anectode was worthwhile to hear you laugh, even if it was at Junmyeon’s expense. It’s fine, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

“So, does Chanyeol normally light things on fire or was this a one time thing?”

“You’d be surprised by the amount of things he’s accidentally set on fire since I’ve known him, actually,” you laugh, “But no—well, you know the bear I told you about? The one, um, Jongin gave to me when I saw him on Sunday?”

Baekhyun nods. Of course.

“Well, I also told my idiot friends about it, and that’s what Chanyeol burned,” you tell him. Baekhyun bites his bottom lip, trying not to laugh, but the temptation is written all over his face—or, evidently, so, as you chime in with, “It’s okay, you can laugh.”

Thank god, because Baekhyun wasn’t sure he could keep a straight face (or hide his blatant happiness). He decides right there that he likes Chanyeol. You have good friends.

Admittedly, after hearing you tell him about your history with Jongin as both a friend and a boyfriend, Baekhyun can’t say that he’s exactly fond of the guy. Junmyeon tells him to never judge a book by its cover, but seeing as you gave him the summary, he thinks he can fairly conclude that Jongin isn’t… the best person in the world. And the way he treated you and your friends is enough to make Baekhyun weary about him as a person.

Still, Baekhyun doesn’t judge you for talking to him. He’s not exactly jealous; he’s confident in your feelings for him and his for you, and above all, he trusts that you’re being honest with him. Quite frankly, Baekhyun doesn’t consider your ex boyfriend to be a threat.

Baekhyun knows you clearly just want to be a good friend, or at the very least, a good person to Jongin; and after knowing him for almost a decade—even if things got a bit bumpy—Baekhyun thinks you’re more than justified in that. You clearly see something in Jongin that you think can be helped, and Baekhyun trusts your judgement; you did pick him, too, after all.

Does he like that Jongin gives you gifts, and is very clearly still into you even tho you can’t see it, and don’t want any part in it? No, not exactly. But, on the bright side, Baekhyun’s the one that has your attention, and that counts for more than something.

(Not to mention you have a couple of guys who are both rooting for him and willing to beat up your ex at moments notice, so, he’d say he’s in a pretty good boat).

The only thing Jongin has ever had that Baekhyun wants is the opportunity to call you his. But he thinks he’s getting there. Hopefully. Is it weird to ask the ex of the girl you’re interested in how he got her to be his girlfriend in the first place? Do you even want to be his girlfriend? He hopes so.

He doesn’t know if sharing cheese and crackers and pasta and bread is any indication that you want to be his girlfriend, but he’d like to think it is. Because that’s what the next half hour consists of—you and Baekhyun, sharing food over smiles and stories and endless laughter.

Baekhyun finds himself laughing so hard at a story you tell him about Chanyeol and Chungha pranking Sehun, that he might as well be laughing over you. His hand ends up on your shoulder in his fit of giggles, and yours just barely above his knee. Neither of you comment on it, but you don’t pull away, either.

He’s about to chip in with a story about his childhood self, when he’s interrupted by notification noises again. Baekhyun grins at your exasperated exhale and tightly closed eyes. “It’s fine, they’ll be fine,” you tell him, silencing the ringer, and turning back to him in an attempt to continue your conversation.

Baekhyun’s about to tell you that it’s okay, that you should check your phone in case it’s an emergency or something, but he doesn’t have to; because it starts buzzing again and again and again and eventually is back to ringing.

“Answer it,” Baekhyun smiles, “Seriously, I wouldn’t want you to have to face Sehun’s wrath for ignoring him.”

It’s silent for a minute, while you scroll through your messages, and thumb a response. Baekhyun watches as your expression changes from annoyed, to vaguely amused, to concerned, to borderline unhappy. It makes his own eyebrows draw together when he sees the frown start to form on your lips.

“Everything okay?”

“Uh… I don’t think so,” you sigh, locking the screen and looking up at him, “I think I gotta head home, Sehun might have broken smoke detector and Chanyeol got… something stuck to the ceiling trying to fix it.”

Baekhyun can’t help the laugh that escapes him. You have really good friends.

“Fuck, Baek, I’m so sorry, this is—you did all of this, and my idiot friends—”

Baekhyun takes one of your flailing hands into his, effectively calming your stature and forcing to you make eye contact with him. “Hey, it’s fine, I promise,” he reassures you, “Really, it’s okay. If I got stuck to the ceiling I would hope Kyungsoo would come rescue me, too.”

“You don’t have to say that just because—”

“I’m not just saying anything,” he laughs through his words because the look on your face is nothing short of adorable, “I mean it. I had fun on our—I, I had fun, today. It’s fine, really, I promise.”

And so, you smile, demeanor significantly calmer, “I… should call a car,” you tell him, his eyes traveling down your enveloped hands, which he releases slowly, embarrassed; but then you grin again, tapping away at your phone, “I had fun on our date, too, Baekhyun.”

(So these were dates! Nice, cool, cool, keep it cool. He doesn’t; he grins like a blushing fool).

Baekhyun helps you gather your things, and moves the food around so that neither of you step on it; walks you to the door when your car says it’s arriving shortly. He waits with you on the doorstep, pretending to look out for a white sonata, when he’s really stealing glances at you through your small talk.

“Would you, uh… I mean, you’re probably already going, so,” you cut yourself off with slow exhale, turning your body towards his, “There’s this showcase, presentation type thing, for some students to, uh, present about their research coming up soon. You might already know about it, since Kyungsoo is giving one about his summer internship, I think—and it might be a little boring, and that you’re not a science guy, so it’s okay if you don’t want to—”

Baekhyun cuts you off by calling your name, a wide smile playing on his lips. “I’d love to go,” he tells you, earnestly, “I was going to go, to see Soo anyway, but I wanna support my new favorite biochem student, too.”

“Really?” You reach out and grab his hand, an action that almost seems lost on your in your flurry of excitement or flattery—or both—but, not on Baekhyun, whose palm suddenly feels warm. You must have been able to tell you flustered him, because your eyes widen, looking down at your hands, then promptly pulling them away.

“You, I mean, I want you to come, but only if you want—”

Baekhyun doesn’t know what moves him to take a leap, step a little more into your space, and take both of your hands in his with unwavering intention, but he’s glad for it; because you don’t pull away, and the look you give him kind of makes him never want to look away.

“I want to go,” he says slowly, dipping his head down the slightest, close enough to see the rings of your irises, even in the dim lighting of his porch, “I want to be there for you.”

There’s an almost inaudible “okay,” that leaves your lips, the letters rolling off your tongue with a shy smile that Baekhyun finds himself mimicking. His eyes flutter away, just for a moment, to your hands, then back to your face, before he slowly lets them go, only to rest them against your jaw again.

Baekhyun might be using the “taking things slow” mantra as an excuse for his complete lack of experience on how to navigate a real relationship, but this, right here, he’s sure of. That he likes you, that he wants you, that he—

“Can… can I kiss you?” he asks, just above a whisper.

His eyes are frantic, looking for an answer in yours, but instead he gets them from your lips; a soft, “Yes,” accompanied by a softer nod that Baekhyun would have missed if not for having your head in his hands.

When he leans forward, you meet him halfway, lips pursed together—and Baekhyun thinks that, yeah, if being in a relationship with you meant he got to do this, all day, then he would have to figure out how to be your boyfriend sooner, rather than later.

One kiss turns into two, then three, then four with smiles, and giggles in-between, and the only thing that seems to pull you away from each other is the honking of a car horn. Flustered, Baekhyun lowers his hand, bites on his bottom lip as you fumble to check the license plates on the car to those on your phone.

“I think that’s my car,” you tell him, and maybe it’s wishful thinking, but he swears there’s slightest twinge of disappointment in your voice, too, “I—I had fun, Baek, really. So, thank you, again.”

“Me too,” he says, words on autopilot, brain still stuck in the moment before.

He smiles, daystruck as he walks you to the curb, before you cross the street. He’s about to wish you well again, before you turn to him, and give him the smallest, barely there peck on the lips.

“Goodnight, Baekhyun.”

He doesn’t even know if he responds audibly, he’s processing you in fragments, watching your silhouette as you cross the street, and head into the backseat of the car. He swears he catches the smallest wave from you through the window, but for all he knows that could have been his imagination.

Your goodnight kiss lingers on his lips, on his mind, and it’s only when he’s back inside that he lets himself break out into the foolish grin he’s been hiding all night. He’s going to have to figure out how to do that boyfriend-girlfriend thing. As soon as possible.

ϟ tag list: @artfulbarnes @bat-shark-repellant @baek-byunies @baeklooming-day @bbh-kji @cosmins @coffee-prince-kyungsoo @etsjusoa @exuwu @elyxion1485 @fifiaaaaaa @haechanspudu @honeyboocal @httpschoisan @junkfoodwriting @just-a-sad-writer @j-pping @kkpoptrashhh @littleflowercrown13 @loeytingz @marina-del-rey98 @mangobaek @miraculyfe @mochahyuck @oasissehun @ohwosehun @p-polaroid @peachesyeol @peacherparker @penguinsoo-l @rikachusworld @sakura-uji @shesdreaminginoverdose @sekshi-namjas @smolpeyy @strawberrychannie @takoyakkun @to-all-the-stories-i-love @vaiva @writingindaisies @xiutingmyself @yourexotextplus

ϟ more notes: more smoochies!! they have kissed a few times (maybe once or twice) since their first kiss a few parts ago, but i had no way of showing that to you guys so here you go!! they’re in a weird stage where they kiss each other goodbye and go on dates and like each other but it’s not exactly... dating?

i hope this gives some insight into baekhyun’s thoughts, as well. some things are harder to get across through just texts, but i wanted to show his feelings beyond his overexcited, adorable messages 🥺 he’s still a whole babie, but he has complex thoughts!!

i’ll finish rambling now, but there is an intended part 15C (which I know, sounds like it should just be part 16 at this point, but in a perfect world, I’d have been able to fit everything into one post but i digress). maybe it’ll be part 16 anyway, but it’ll likely include some writing because the xiuchen drama is back!! 🤗

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ingek73 · 3 years

Text

Game, set, and twat: Whether it’s Meghan or Naomi Osaka, Piers Morgan’s MailOnline-enabled bullying has a pattern...

... the mediocre hack’s mediocre hack hates women who don’t dance to his tune.

Mic Wright

11 hr ago

If someone had a blog and Twitter account where they relentlessly attacked a series of high profile women — many of them women of colour — for perceived slights and their refusal to pay the writer attention, we’d usually call that person a bully and a troll, and if they persisted in that behaviour they might even find themselves facing legal consequences.

But Piers Morgan has a TV career and a MailOnline byline so he’s given impunity to mock, abuse, and denigrate women while claiming he’s just a ‘critical voice’. His latest target is Naomi Osaka, the 23-year-old tennis player who is currently ranked number 2 in the world, is the reigning champion of the US Open and Australian Open, and became the first woman to win back-to-back grand slams since Serena Williams in 2015.

By contrast, Piers Morgan is a mediocre hack who owes his controversy-baiting career to Simon Cowell who pulled him out of the dumper of history and plonked him on the America’s Got Talent panel after he was frog-marched out of Fleet Street for slapping faked photos on the front page of a national newspaper. That incident was the last in an ignominious run at The Daily Mirror and, before that, in the Murdoch press, which I have covered extensively in the past.

[image description] Twitter avatar for @Nabilu

Nabil Abdulrashid

@Nabilu

If time machines existed Piers Morgan would go backwards in time to chat shit about Rosa Parks

May 31st 2021

346 Retweets2,456 Likes]

Morgan’s latest creepy obsession was triggered — I use that word deliberately — by Osaka’s decision not to speak to the press during the French Open at Roland Garros because interviews were affecting her mental health. She subsequently withdrew from the tournament altogether after winning her first match, having been fined $15,000 for not speaking to the media and warned she was at risk of being expelled from the event.

In her statement yesterday, Osaka wrote that she had suffered “long bouts of depression” since she defeated Serena Williams in the 2018 US Open Final and received significant media attention. She continued:

I never wanted to be a distraction and I accept that my timing was not ideal and my message could have been clearer. More importantly, I would never trivialise mental health or use the term lightly.

Nothing in either of Osaka’s statements support Morgan’s sneering labelling of the player as “Narcissistic Naomi” or “world sport’s most petulant little madam”. Once again a 56-year-old man is using his vast and undeserved media platform to bully and harass a woman half his age. And — surprise, surprise — it’s actually just a new front in his obsessive one-sided war on the Duchess of Sussex.

Beneath the frankly unhinged headline, Narcissistic Naomi's cynical exploitation of mental health to silence the media is right from the Meghan and Harry playbook of wanting their press cake and eating it, Morgan writes:

Naomi Osaka is a brilliant tennis player…

… She is also the highest-paid female athlete in the world, raking in $55.2 million in the past 12 months, $5.2 million from tennis winnings and $50 million from endorsement deals with the likes of Nike, Beats by Dre, Mastercard and Nissin…

… Unfortunately, Ms Osaka is also an arrogant spoiled brat whose fame and fortune appears to have inflated her ego to gigantic proportions.

How else to explain her extraordinary decision to announce she will no longer participate in media press conferences, supposedly to protect her mental health?

Morgan is pretending that he doesn’t know that money is not an impregnable suit of armour to protect your mental health. Osaka could be the richest woman in the world and still face anxiety and depression. In fact, at just 23, the pressures of her performance-driven, endorsement-laden life are arguably more likely to lead to those feelings than a ‘normal’ one.

But rather than seeing Osaka as a young woman in an extraordinary position who is struggling with those demands and finding the hectoring, hostile, and entitled attitude of the press hard to handle at the moment, Morgan calls her “petulant” and continues:

[She] was fined $15,000 for refusing to appear in front of the media… Of course, given that she earns around $6,000 an hour, Osaka will recoup this fine while she sleeps tonight, rendering the fine utterly meaningless.

What's not meaningless is her frankly contemptible attempt to avoid legitimate media scrutiny by weaponizing mental health to justify her boycott.

Morgan departed Good Morning Britain after the row that followed his comment that he “didn’t believe a word” of the Duchess of Sussex’s statements about her mental health during the Oprah interview. Now, the mental health analyser has logged on again and he has determined that Naomi Osaka does not meet his standard of distress. Sadly, he secured his professional qualifications in this area by scrawling a certificate in crayon on the back of a Pizza Express kids menu.

[image description] Twitter avatar for @PaulbernalUK

Paul Bernal

@PaulbernalUK

What is it about Naomi Osaka and Meghan Markle that gets Piers Morgan so worked up, I wonder. Image

May 31st 2021

1,726 Retweets10,537 Likes

He claims that after reading Osaka’s Instagram post about press conferences, which he calls “an orgy of narcissistic twaddle”, “several times” he experienced “mounting fury”. Remember, this is a 56-year-old man contorting his melted waxwork face into an angry rictus over a 23-year-old woman he doesn’t know choosing not to appear at a press conference. I am not convinced that Osaka is the narcissistic one here.

Morgan continues:

One thing’s very clear: This has got nothing to do with mental health.

What Osaka really means is that she doesn’t want to face the media if she hasn’t played well, because the beastly journalists might actually dare to criticise her performance…

… This is straight out of the Meghan and Harry playbook of wanting to have the world’s largest cake and eating it, by exploiting the media for ruthless self-promotion but using mental health to silence any media criticism.

One thing’s very clear: This has got nothing to do with Naomi Osaka.

What Morgan really means is that he’s still beetroot red over a perceived slight by Meghan back in 2016, which he only started ranting about after he didn’t get an invite to her wedding and was “ghosted”. That came after two years of him tweeting about her as a “friend”.

Piers Morgan is simply using Naomi Osaka as another way to wage his sad fuck guerilla war against the Sussexes. And Osaka is just the latest in a long string of young women to fall short of his weirdo expectations.

He berated Lady Gaga on social media, attacking her after she spoke about dealing with PTSD after being raped, and goaded her so much that she agreed to an interview clearly in the hope of getting him to stop.

He attacked Arianna Grande after the Manchester Arena attack and kept up his bullying for six months until she agreed to have dinner with him after what he said was a “chance meeting”. After she had conceded to spending time in his fetid presence he shifted tack and started creepily calling her his “soulmate” — she was 26 at the time.

These obsessions with young women are often framed as “feuds” in the press, but they are, in fact, byline-enabled stalking. Morgan has a huge platform and he abuses it to get women to concede to him, to make mollifying noises, to pretend that they are his friends just to get him to stop.

The only difference between Piers Morgan and a street harasser screaming at a woman to smile is that MailOnline and ITV pay him handsomely for the privilege. Tonight, Morgan’s ‘Life Stories’ interview with Keir Starmer goes out on ITV and he’ll once again get a chance to dominate the headlines. His views are given credence by the political elite even as he continues to abuse women for attention and praise.

It’s a tactic he’s used for decades, stretching back to his time on The Sun’s Bizarre column, where he insisted on inserting pictures of himself cuddling up to celebrities. His ‘feud’/obsession with Madonna has run on for decades, beginning in his Fleet Street days when she didn’t give him the exclusive on her first pregnancy and continuing right up until now.

As with Lady Gaga, Morgan has repeatedly mocked and dismissed Madonna for saying she was raped in the past. However, unlike Gaga, Madonna has refused to pay homage to Morgan with an interview. He preemptively ‘banned’ her from his CNN show back in 2011 though she had shown not one scintilla of interest in appearing, and tried to reignite interest in his hatred for her in 2016 by saying he would end “the feud” if she apologised to him. He’s still waiting for that call.

Morgan’s attack on Osaka, which is simply another attempt to get at Meghan, came two days after a Daily Mail interview with Jan Moir in which he grumbled:

[Meghan] thinks she’s beaten me? She might be in for a surprise because I suspect I’ll be back soon. If Meghan thinks she has cancelled me or won the battle, she is in for a big shock. I’ve never been more popular.

It made me think of this moment in Mad Men:

Michael Ginsberg: What do I care? I got a million of them… a million…

Don Draper: Good. I guess I’m lucky you work for me.

Michael Ginsberg: I feel bad for you.

Don Draper: I don’t think about you at all.

Meghan is Draper. Morgan is a total Ginsberg — smug and self-satisfied, convinced that Meghan is as obsessed with him as he is with her, certain that they are having a feud between equals and not the same dynamic as every woman cursed with a sad but sinister stalker.

And while Morgan acts like he’s a brave truth-teller, he only dares pump his horseshit opinions into MailOnline’s open sewer once he’s fairly sure that there are enough other media bullies taking the same line. The Australian’s tennis correspondent Will Swanton filed his misogynist screed a full day before Morgan got round to his.

There’s a clue as to how Morgan expects young women to act around him in the latest instalment of his journals — The Diary of Samuel Creeps — which are published in The Mail on Sunday.

Recounting his visit to what sounds like a truly mind-numbing party (“…drinking cocktails, nibbling canapés and having actual ‘fun’ in the garden of the Notting Hill home of Gabriela Peacock, nutritionist to the stars.”) he describes an encounter with Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie:

Princess Beatrice arrived with her husband Eduardo. They announced her first pregnancy today, and both seemed ecstatically happy.

‘Please thank your mum for her supportive texts when I left GMB,’ I told her. ‘She’s always been very loyal to me, and I greatly appreciate it.’

‘Well, you’ve been very loyal to her,’ Beatrice replied, ‘and she appreciates that too.’

I’ve always had a soft spot for Fergie.

Princess Eugenie, who gave birth to her first child three months ago, joined her sister. ‘If you two need any parenting tips for your expanding Royal creche, I’ve had four kids so am something of an expert,’ I suggested.

Their regal eyebrows shot up in synchronised horror. ‘No, we’re good thanks, Piers,’ came the firm, unified response.

I’ve known both Princesses since they were very young, and they’ve been through a lot of tough times in the media spotlight, especially lately over their father Prince Andrew’s shameful friendship with billionaire paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.

But they never complain, or give whining interviews, or publicly trash their family, and they’re always incredibly nice, polite and good fun – which all makes such a refreshing change from their narcissistic, self-pitying, family-abusing, spoiled-brat cousins over in California.

Piers Morgan wants to be treated as famous rather than infamous, and likes women to indulge his antics and act as if they’re amused by his sweaty-handed attention. Fergie — a woman devoid of discernible talent beyond tolerating her ex-husband’s second career as the top Yelp! reviewer at Jeffrey Epstein’s houses — is a-ok with Piers because she sucks up to him. Similarly, her daughters are delightful because they’ll tolerate Morgan’s dad jokes and fetid familiarity.

Morgan is not a journalist, a truth-teller, a maverick, or a commentator in anything but bad faith. He’s nothing more than a misogynist with a MailOnline byline and some big money contracts. Don’t let him pretend to be anything else.

#piers morgan #naomi osaka #meghan markle #lady gaga #ariana grande

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isitmadness · 3 years

Text

Needed Company

summary: After Umbara, Obi-Wan and Cody find themselves unable to sleep. Both men have different ways of coping, but sometimes coping together is better than coping alone.

characters/relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Commander Cody, pre-relationship Obi-Wan/Cody

words: 2.4k

tags: pre-relationship, look at these idiots pining again, mutual pining, post-Umbara, light on the angst - just a dash, i tagged both relationship types, because it is both, and i didn’t want to trick anyone...if that makes sense, Jedi positive

a/n: I saw this tweet and ran with it - “underrated trope: when character a can’t sleep and character b finds them wandering or tinkering or painting and decides to keep them company”

Read it on a03

Obi-Wan strolled slowly down the quiet halls of the Negotiator, hands clasped behind his back, no destination in mind. The Force felt mostly still and calm surrounding the thousands of lives on board, and for that he was grateful. And as it was the middle of the night—such as that was flying through hyperspace—the quietness was to be expected. It still didn’t keep Obi-Wan from passing troopers and officers in the halls, but they were more scarce than during the day.

As he got closer to the training rooms, one Force signature he knew rather well was projecting a lot of hurt and that was concerning. He slowed his steps and finally heard grunts, thuds, and slaps which became louder and more insistent as he rounded the corner. It certainly wasn't a strange noise to be coming out of the training room, but it was out of place in the wee hours of the morning.

He found the door to the room open, light from inside spilling into the dim hallway. Obi-Wan could sense strong frustration, anger, guilt rolling off his marshal commander in waves. He stood in the doorway and leaned against the frame to watch Commander Cody taking out his frustrations on a punching bag.

He moved with precision and finesse, muscles rippling each time he twisted or landed a new blow. His warm brown skin sheened with sweat in the light, and the movement was mesmerizing. Obi-Wan tried not to ogle, but was finding it difficult. He had only very recently realized his attraction, but had attempted to put it out of his mind due to their circumstances. He was Cody's general, his superior in rank, in addition to being his friend, and Obi-Wan couldn't, wouldn't jeopardize that.

But objectively, the man was handsome.

He straightened up when the noise stopped and Cody turned. "You just gonna stand there and stare?" Cody said, unwrapping his hand, "Sir." There was something biting in the way Cody addressed him. Obi-Wan frowned and stepped into the room.

"I apologize for disturbing you, commander," Obi-Wan stood at the edge of the mat, hands still clasped behind his back. “I just heard noises in the hall and thought I would stop and see if I could be of any assistance.”

Cody looked him up and down quickly, attempting to do so undetected. The general looked like he just rolled out of bed, and at this hour, he no doubt had done just that. He was wearing his leggings, boots, and only his undertunic which exposed a V of pale chest covered in darker ginger hair. The lighter sandy-colored hair on his head was delightfully sleep-mussed and Cody found himself with twitchy fingers, wanting to reach out and smooth it down. He was his general—that would be wrong and unprofessional.

He sighed, "You didn't disturb me, General Kenobi." Obi-Wan’s eyes tracked Cody as he walked to the bench on the edge of the mat and grabbed a drink from his water bottle. “You knew it was me already though, didn’t you? In the hallway?”

"Please, just Obi-Wan," Obi-Wan replied. "When we're alone," he hastily added. He winced thinking about how that sounded, and Cody pretended not to notice. “And yes, I knew it was you.”

"Well, Obi-Wan, I was just finishing up, so," Cody said as he wiped a towel across his face, around his neck, and over his chest and arms. "I hope I didn't wake you." Cody knew that was unlikely considering the General's quarters were nowhere near the training rooms, but the Jedi was always so in-tune with the lives around him, he had to wonder if the Force worked like that.

Obi-Wan waved a hand dismissively, "Not at all." Truthfully, Obi-Wan had had a hard time sleeping since the Umbaran mission two weeks prior, Krell's betrayal weighing heavily and irrevocably on his mind. "I was just taking a midnight stroll, if you will, and I heard noise and found you."

"Hmm," was all Cody could find to say as he turned to face Obi-Wan finally, neither really knowing what to say. That was new...and odd.

"I just…" Obi-Wan started carefully, unsure of what he wanted to ask, always afraid he might overstep. "I figured whoever was in here was having difficulties, like I am, and I thought maybe they needed company." Obi-Wan shrugged one shoulder, and in that moment, he looked younger. Cody briefly wondered what he must have been like before the war, when he was just a Jedi, and not a High General, unburdened by the cares of war.

Cody leaned over and picked up his black shirt from the bench and slipped it over his head. He really wanted to shower now, but his general was here—a shower could wait.

"Would you like to walk with me? Or perhaps you'd care for tea in my quarters? Absolutely no pressure, perhaps your destruction of this punching bag did the trick,” he smiled. He knew it was a dangerous question, but he and his commander had been alone in his quarters many times—whether for tea or conversation or to go over battle strategies. It wasn't an unusual question, but the request felt heavier than usual.

Cody debated. He had of course been to Obi-Wan’s quarters before, several times, alone and with others—but this time the request felt different. "I...that would be nice, sir." Obi-Wan looked at him pointedly with a small quirk of his lips. "Pardon, Obi-Wan."

"Very good," Obi-Wan said with a smile.

----

They walked back to Obi-Wan’s quarters side by side, both aware that a gap of a few feet between them would be smart, but instead both finding the nearness of the other a small comfort. Cody wished he had more than his blacks to wear but, well, it was what it was. And Obi-Wan didn't seem to mind the informality, especially dressed as he was.

The door slid open when they arrived and everything was just as it usually was except for an untidy bed—Obi-Wan really had just rolled out of it. There was the usual stack of datapads on his desk, a flimsi book opened facedown on the end of his bed, and his outer tunics draped carefully across the back of his desk chair. "Pardon the mess," Obi-Wan said as they walked in.

Cody huffed a laugh, "You're a real slob, sir."

That made Obi-Wan laugh an honest-to-goodness laugh. "Whatever will you do with me…" he replied, unthinking, as he walked over and filled his electric kettle with water.

"Quite frankly, you're past all hope," Cody added, teasing some more. It felt good to laugh and joke with his general, especially after…

"That sounds like something my old padawan would say," Obi-Wan turned to face Cody again and smiled, a far-off look in his eyes.

Cody became serious again. "And how is he, si-- Obi-Wan?"

"Ah," Obi-Wan leaned against the small counter and stroked his beard. "He is angry, as you can imagine. Feeling betrayed."

"As we all are!" Cody interjected more forcefully than he intended.

"Yes, you are right." Obi-Wan sighed and motioned to the small two-person table in the corner near his kitchenette. "Would you care to be seated, commander? Of course, you’re welcome to sit anywhere you'd like."

"Just Cody," he said with a tight smile and took a seat at Obi-Wan’s small table. Obi-Wan remained standing so he could fix the tea.

"And how is Captain Rex?" Obi-Wan asked, cutting right to the chase. He knew why Cody was awake—it was the same reason he was.

"Angry, as you can imagine," Cody said, parroting Obi-Wan’s words back at him. "And I don't think he's telling me everything. Sir, I--" What could Cody even say? It was a betrayal of the highest order and none of them saw it coming. Rex was taking it very personally and very hard—questioning his choices, his command. Many good men were dead now, by their own brothers’ hands, too. How did you come back from that?

"Take your time, Cody," Obi-Wan said as he busied himself getting mugs and his tea out of the cabinet.

Cody was silent a little longer. He felt responsible, of course he did. As marshal commander, he was responsible for hundreds of thousands of lives, and every good man's death weighed heavily on him. And he knew it was the same for his general. He considered himself damn lucky that his general was Obi-Wan.

He knew the Jedi felt a very heavy responsibility being pressed into command of an army—they were guardians of peace and justice, negotiators, not warriors. They were not created for war like he and the clones were. And, belonging to the Galactic Republic as they did, they could have been subjected to the leadership of more Republic officers, none of whom gave a shit about the lives of mere clones. They were a means to an end. Even to the citizens of the republic, they were just a white helmet. But Jedi like Obi-Wan, Mace Windu, Yoda, Plo Koon...Cody knew that they cared about their men.

The kettle's whistle tore through the silence, startling them both. "Apologies," Obi-Wan said as he poured the water. Unsurprisingly, the silence dragged on as long as it took the tea to steep. "Sugar, honey, milk?" Obi-Wan asked when it was finished.

"How about a little honey?"

Obi-Wan nodded. When finished, he brought the cups over and sat across from Cody, sliding his over to him. They sat in silence for several more beats, enjoying the warm and soothing amber liquid. Cody didn't like the stuff at first, but he had grown used to it, and anyway, this little ritual was something he could share with his general—that alone was worth learning to love the drink.

In the harsh light of his quarters, Obi-Wan was slightly greener and paler than usual, but the artificial light could never truly detract from his handsomeness. Cody buried his nose in his cup wondering why he was thinking these thoughts and desperately hoping that the general couldn’t pick up on them.

"I think, Cody," Obi-Wan started again. "That perhaps Rex, and you, could benefit from a mind healer. I don't want to overstep, but as your general, you know it is my duty to look out for the both of you—all of you. And I think you and I are awake for the same reasons.” He hesitated again, taking another sip of his tea. “I myself have been unable to sleep since…"

Umbara went unsaid. It had been a rough two weeks.

"You're very perceptive, as always," Cody smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

Obi-Wan took another long sip of the tea, letting it warm him from the inside. "I'm sorry I didn't have anything stronger."

Cody chuckled, "Maybe next time."

Obi-Wan coughed lightly, "Yes, next time."

They sat in more silence, the only sound was the gentle hum of the Venator-class destroyer hurtling through hyperspace back to Coruscant. They had grown accustomed to that in a short period of time, too. Sometimes it could lull Obi-Wan to sleep, but other times he missed the quiet of the Jedi Temple.

“If you were ever interested—and others, too, of course—I would also be happy to teach you some meditation techniques. It’s not a perfect solution, but I find it helps quiet my mind,” Obi-Wan finally added. “Anakin never took to it too much, but I think you might.”

Cody gave Obi-Wan a genuine smile and agreed. Before he knew it, he found himself feeling rather drowsy—like the tea was some kind of sleeping draught. "What did you put in this tea?” He asked with a grin.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm feeling oddly relaxed all of the sudden," Cody replied.

Obi-Wan smiled, "Well, I'm glad to hear it. But it's only tea and honey, if you're trying to insinuate that I drugged you." Cody laughed. "I guess I can't help that I'm such a lively, interesting person and I can put people to sleep with my conversation." Obi-Wan arched his eyebrow, teasing Cody.

Cody scoffed, "You're one of the most interesting people I know, maybe the most interesting…" Oh, he was tired and saying too much.

"Hmm, oh I doubt that," Obi-Wan chuckled and took another sip of his tea, finally emptying the cup.

"It's true! Your company is infinitely preferable to many." Forget the sleeping draught—there was a truth serum in here, making Cody confess secret thoughts. Cody finished it anyway.

Obi-Wan smiled again, "Well, that goes both ways." He stood and collected their mugs then washed them out in the small sink.

Oh.

Cody was surely imagining this conversation, he was dreaming up this entire scenario, he was sure of it. He decided that maybe he should go try and get some sleep before he hallucinated any more scenarios where his general told him he cared for him, placed his palm on his cheek and--

He stood suddenly, nearly upsetting the chair, "Well, I think I might try to go get some sleep. I'll be returning to my quarters." Even though Obi-Wan’s bed was right there, looking warm and inviting now...

Obi-Wan stood, too, something aching in his chest. "Yes of course, commander, shall I walk you back?"

Cody chuckled, "I think I know my own way, but thank you , sir."

Obi-Wan nodded with a smile and walked Cody to the door. "Well then, thank you for the company, commander."

Cody turned and gave Obi-Wan a lazy two-finger salute, "Thank you, sir."

"Obi-Wan.”

"Yes, Obi-Wan," Cody returned the smile finally.

"Find me if you can't sleep again. I'll find some topic of conversation to drone on about that'll put you right to sleep."

"Ah, but the sound of your voice would keep me awake," Cody said, wincing internally, and Obi-Wan wasn't quite sure how to take that. The door slid open as they got closer and Cody turned to face Obi-Wan again. "Good night, sir, try to get some sleep."

"Good night, commander," Obi-Wan said as Cody walked through the door.

Cody nodded once more then headed down the hall. Obi-Wan stood outside his quarters and watched him until he turned the corner then walked back inside. He sat on his bed and pulled his boots off then his under tunic and tossed it at the chair. He slipped back under the covers which had unfortunately lost all their warmth. With a flick of his wrist, he turned the lights off and nestled in hoping finally for some sleep.

#my writing #codywan #commander cody #obi-wan kenobi #fanfic #obi-wan x cody #needed company #we play fast and loose with canon

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actualbird · 4 years

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nobody asked but pat gill is so fucking hot to me and im going to tell you why im attracted to him | a 2.3k word long post where i hold you, dear reader, hostage

[SCENE: You, the reader, are tied to a wooden chair in an empty room with nothing but a small table and a projector. You pull at the ropes that tie your hands together behind your back, but then the door opens and I stroll in. I am dressed in a full black suit and am also wearing shutter shades. I am also holding a powerpoint clicker. The fancy ones with a laser pointer in them. You shudder in contempt for you know that you are about to witness a horrible lecture.]

Hello, reader. I know you know why I’ve brought you here. I’m here to discuss something very important to you. Don’t look at me like that, it is important, I swear. I am here to tell you why I find Pat Gill hot.

[I switch on the projector. My presentation slides flash to life on the wall. Behind your back, you locate the feel around the knots tying your hands.]

This is not a presentation where I will convince you that Pat Gill is hot. No, I wouldn’t prescribe my tastes onto anybody, that’s not nice. What I will do is explain in horrid, vivid detail why I myself find Pat Gill hot.

Like everything I do, I cannot dive in without first setting up some kind of framework or system of analysis. What I am trying to explain is how I find another person attractive, and that has thus pushed me to make the AHG Criteria, a criteria made up of the three principal characteristics of a human which makes me attracted to them and is also, coincidentally, the sound I make when I see images of Pat Gill.

The AHG Criteria refers to the following:

Appearance: the most shallow but noticeable of characteristics. Here, I will explain just what it is about Pat Gill’s perceivable flesh prison that gets me so upset in an attracted manner.

Humor: I love a funny human and humor theory is one of my side interests. Here, I will dissect two specific instances of Pat Gill’s humor, bringing in references and related literature, in an effort to explain why his sense of humor is stellar.

Good at presenting things: I am very attracted to competence, but one skill I hold in very high regard is the skill of explaining and conveying information. Here, I will analyse Pat Gill as a communicator.

So let’s jump right into it.

Pat Gill’s Appearance is, frankly, an anomaly to me. This is not to say that anything about his appearance is strange, but that, quite honestly, as handsome as he is, he’s basic. He is white, he is tall, he is thin, he has black hair and a slight beard (though currently he is sporting more of a moustache, which I’m still into). At first glance, one wouldn’t pay him much attention. I sure didn’t, until I watched more and more videos of him. I sure didn’t, until I realized.

His Appearance is basic, but his vibes, which I am including in the criteria of Appearance, bring his Appearance to life. Pat Gill looks a little unapproachable, with his resting sad face; but, when he smiles, he is so shameless and happy. Pat Gill looks like somebody you’d see leaning on a wall outside a bar, looking up at the sky, and you wonder just what he’s thinking about---wonder if you could get lost in his thoughts. Pat Gill looks like somebody friendly--- once his resting sad face gives way---somebody who would help you pick up your stuff when you bump into him and the contents of your bag spill out. Pat Gill looks like somebody who would use his goddamn turn signal. Pat Gill looks like somebody who would pet many dogs, as many dogs as he physically could. Pat Gill looks---

[As I prattle on, your fingers explore the knots behind your back. In your mind, you are mapping out the knot’s shape and orientation, thinking about how to undo them. When you tune back into my voice, the slide on the projector has changed and I have shifted topics.]

Let’s move onto the next criteria. Humor.

Paul McGhee in his book Humor: Its Origins and Development brings up Göran Nerhardt to define humor as “[...] a consequence of the discrepancy between two mental representations, one of which is an expectation and the other is some idea or percept” (McGhee 14). Nerhardt’s definition of humor is one that relies on incongruity: wherein there is an element that is not in accordance with the other elements. An incongruous element is one that is not the expectation, and in this subversion of expectation, humor is achieved. What is funny in a humorous situation, is then, what is unexpected to a certain degree. Humor, and the reaction to it, is due to the recognition of the incongruous.

Despite this incongruity, there is still an internal logic to anything humorous. This internal logic is different for each humorous situation, and consists of everything within the situation; the set-up, punchline, characters, etc. It is this internal logic that allows for jokes to “make sense.” It is that internal logic that helps us get from one element to the incongruous element, realize their relationship, and thus find the whole thing funny.

Incongruity and internal logic are one of the many characteristics of humor, and they are the ones I will be focusing on. With those definitions in place, let’s talk about what you’re here for: Pat Gill.

Pat Gill is a funny guy. If I tried to analyse every single instance he was funny, I would never shut up. You wouldn’t want that, would you?

[You shake your head no. God, no.]

Right, so I’ll just be focusing on two instances of his humor that stuck out to me (originally, I wanted to discuss three, but then I saw that the length of this post was getting kilometric, so I cut it down to the essentials), these of which I think is a good marker for the kind of sense of humor he has.

The first one is my absolute favorite tweet of his:

This tweet is, at first glance, a lot. Pat Gill doesn’t wait for the punchline to be incongruous, he throws incongruity straight at our faces with the opening line, and one may think that that’s a bad move. Not necessarily. It’s just a ballsy one. It’s a move that doesn’t spoonfeed the audience with the internal logic, you have to work for it. As you read through the tweet, the internal logic starts to come through the incongruity. The literal dramatic situation of the tweet is a persona talking about the good state their nemesis is in. The language of the tweet keys us in to the kind of Medieval vibe, like a scheming duke in the hallways of a castle. The punchline comes after the last comma. The monolog of the nemesis’ good fortune will be interrupted by the persona’s attack on their life.

This tweet is an example of the bedrock of many of his jokes. He doesn’t give a damn if he makes sense or not. He will throw you into the deep end of the joke and it is up to you to tread the water. However, if you do manage to keep afloat, his internal logic will bring you to the punchline and, thus, satisfaction.

[Your fingers have been working on the knots steadily as I speak. You try your best not to react as you start to feel something give way, and you keep working quietly.]

The second instance of humor I want to discuss is the Solid Snake Skincare Routine dialog he wrote and performed with Brian in episode 8 of Gill and Gilbert. The full transcript is as follows:

Pat (as Solid Snake from Metal Gear Solid): Colonel, how do I know which moisturizer to buy, and how do I know it’ll match my skin type?

Brian (as Colonel from Metal Gear Solid): Unfortunately Snake, there’s no way to tell for sure. Certain retailers will offer samples, but in most cases, it’s up to you to purchase a product and try it out.

Pat: Sounds expensive.

Brian: It is, Snake. And the cost disproportionately affects women.

Pat: Women?

Brian: Societal norms in the west dictate that a woman’s value is tied to their appearance, and the thing every woman has…

Pat: Skin!

Brian: Right.

Pat: So, we expect women to attain a higher---So, we expect women---women, to attain perfect skin, and we also expect them to pay for it?

Brian: All while paying them less for doing the same jobs as men.

Pat: So Colonel, that means…

Brian: Yes, Snake. It is imperative that you give your money to women.

Pat: Right.

Like the tweet discussed before, Pat Gill shoves incongruity in your face immediately. Solid Snake, super cool spy dude (?? I don’t fuckin know anything about video games) talking about skincare. He expects you to keep up, and if you do, you are rewarded by a surreal yet lovely conversation between Snake and Colonel talking about the intricacies of skincare, but then things get really interesting. The topic shifts to the societal expectations of beauty and how it ties into womens’ experiences. This isn’t a grand woke moment or anything, but it is a surprising shift in subject that is perfectly in tune with the internal logic of the conversation. The punchline is amazing, giving all your money to women, yet it is also written in a way that does not imply that women are the butt of the joke. The butt of the joke here is the surreal vibe of the conversation as a whole.

This dialog builds upon the bedrock of Pat Gill’s humor: he isn’t afraid to go places. This is something that is apparent in many of the Unraveleds that he writes (Dark Souls Bosses is a very good example), he brings in real issues, makes the jokes funny, but never treats the marginalized or the victims of these issues as the butt of the joke. In Susan Purdie’s book The Mastery of Discourse, she remarks that to joke about a certain topic, to make something the “butt of the joke” can degrade this topic and bring it down lower, in the process shifting the power to the joker instead (Purdie 59). Pat Gill is aware of that power dynamic and never jokes at the expense of those who are struggling. He instead makes us laugh at characters, at situations, at surreality.

[The knots tying your hands are almost undone. You just need to bide your time. You’re so close to escaping from this thirsty pseudo intellectual motherfucker]

The last criteria I need to discuss with you is GreatAtPresentingThings.

Pat Gill has done a lot of presenting. For this, I will be analyzing just one of the many videos where Pat Presents Things, my favorite among his “X is Y because of Z” videos, “Why Bloodborne and Muppets are the exact same thing.”

I’ve talked about this video in a previous long post analysis about Pat Gill, but let me talk about it again. Pat Gill, on camera, brings up an absolutely bonkers fucking thesis: that the horrible monsters in Bloodborne are similar to the Muppets because of how they use character design.

Pat Gill, as a presenter, is very lovely to listen to. The cadence of his voice is not only extremely relaxing and makes me feel like a tranquilized zoo animal that Pat is talking to very gently about video games, but his voice is also very easy to follow. There are many voices on the internet, and I have a bunch of sensory issues, so a lot of the time, even when I want to listen to somebody, I just can’t because of how their voice grates at my ears. Pat Gill’s voice is not that. It is of a good speed and good vibe that not only puts me at ease but makes me want to listen.

Pat Gill uses gestures. This is most apparent in this video, where he does that cute thing when he says Shape, Movement, and Texture. Here are screenshots of it because it’s so fucking cute, what the fuck.

I know, I know, what do gestures have to do with presenting things? Well, if you told me “shape, movement, texture”, six minutes later, I wouldn’t fucking remember any of those. But with these gestures, those words do stick. When words stick, the explanations behind those words stick as well. When words and explanations stick in your mind, congratulations dude, you just learned something! Pat Gill when talking, and whether it is scripted like this or unintentional like a random gesticulation, the movement catches my attention and I become a more rapt listener.

Honestly, I could go on and on about Pat as a communicator and---

[Before I can speak, you bolt upwards from your chair, finally having gotten the ropes loose. Quickly, powerfully, you grab the projector from the table and smash it over my head. I stumble and fall to the ground, and you look down at me as your chest heaves.

As I slowly lose consciousness, you hear me say, softly, but with so much fervor:

“Pat…..Gill…..hot.”]

Thanks for reading!

(Read my other unhinged analysis essays at actualbird.tumblr.com/tagged/nobody-asked-but. If you have a suggestion for an unhinged analysis essay I can write, send me an ask!)

References:

McGhee, Paul E. Humor: Its Origin and Development, W.H. Freeman and Company, 1979, pp. 1-41.

Purdie, Susan. The Mastery of Discourse. Harvester Wheatsheaf. 1993.

#polygon #pat gill #patrick gill #pat gill thirst jail #nobody asked but

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emma-what-son · 3 years

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(Echee post) Emma Watson gets drunk and scales a fence naked

Posted on March 20, 2014

In her new interview for Elle Emma admitted something that correlates a tweet from a witness from in July 2011 on location filming Perks of being a Wallflower From snitchseeker.com May 2014, "Among her exploits: She dated a costar Johnny Simmons, and she broke into a swimming pool at 3 A.M. "It was at a hotel," she reports happily. "It had a gate around it. My friends turned around and basically, I was gone. And the next thing they saw was me seven feet up in the air, scaling this fence." This, apparently, is not as out of character as we might suppose. Watson says coyly: "I shouldn’t be able to get away with what I’m getting away with." Here is the tweet from July 2011 and here is a POST I originally posted it in at the time "@_MarieChristine $*MarieChristine; Saw @EmWatson get so drunk that she got naked n climbed the fence to go into the swimming pool at my friend's hotel......http://twitter.com/#!/_MarieChristine." So it was true. I'm not posting the quotes here (I'll link the posts with them below) but to generalize this is a girl that claims to be shy and doesn’t like to party and doesn’t drink to have a good time because it makes her really sleepy and she’s just so boring she says and blah, blah blah. She sucks people in with these statements are herself that makes people like her. It's not just about drinking and getting drunk but everything. Nothing about her is genuine in any shape or form. She is a fraud.

In a recent interview for Wonderland Magazine Emma admitted like she always has which has been one big lie that she's boring and doesn't like being the center of attention.

So in her Wonderland magazine Emma says she shy, socially awkward and a introverted person. For some reason I don't believe her. There are certain things about her that leads me to believe she is not shy or the least bit introverted. The first part of this question asked her straight out as she ever wanted to go off the rails and get drunk and she talked about getting a tattoo but never fully answered that question. The follow up question which is split below in two parts was, "But you’re not as puritanical as that, Emma" So let's look at some thing 1.) From wonderlandmagazine.com Feb 2014, "The truth is that I’m genuinely a shy, socially awkward, introverted person." Posing half naked

For years Emma has said she was shy. From topcelebrityheadlines.com June 2011, "I’m shy." From zimbio.com May 2011, "It's really hard to have a love story for me. I'm a famous actress. And I'm shy." From digitalspy.com October 2010, "Actually, I'm quite shy. I've never liked attention." From iheartwatson.net June 2011 “I still feel shy, but I feel more like I can accept it.” Her come hither looks which I limited for space reasons. There are many and I left out new ones from the Noah premiere. This is not a trait of shy and introverted people.

I doubt a truly shy and introverted people are going to say they'll strip to gain approval for anything. From mtv.com November 2010 (NYC Deathly Hallows) When we caught up with Watson just before she ducked into the theater, we informed her that 90 percent of our viewers had given her wardrobe choice — a specially made Calvin Klein gown — an enthusiastic thumbs-up in an MTV News online poll "Awww, really? Wow, that's such a high percentage!" she exclaimed. "Wow, I aced it, obviously. That's great." While 90 percent is definitely a high number, what might she do in order to get the full 100 percent of viewers' approval? "I don't know, take it off?" she quipped. Then there is her modeling which doesn't strike me as someone that is shy or introverted.

So shy and introverted she can tell a radio host some guy thinks she looks good naked From nudography.com 2008 'Harry Potter' film actress Emma Watson has said she would do a nude scene in a future film or stage role if the script called for it. Watson got on the topic of getting naked on BBC's Live Five radio "I think it's wonderful that Daniel is willing to be so brave for his craft. It's a big risk doing something like this while being so internationally known, but he's a true professional". When asked if she would ever bare all for her art, Watson replied, "Yes, absolutely. I would do it if the script called for it. I guess I would be a little nervous, but I've been told I look good naked, so I guess I've got little to worry about". When Shaffer asked Watson who thinks she looks good naked, she playfully said, "Now, now! I won't say. But I trust his expert opinion." Then there is her attention seeking along with her sultry poses and outfits she sometimes wears. Below is a series of photos from the Cannes for TBR. Everyone is walking up the steps arm and arm but Emma stops to grab the spotlight. Once she takes the arm of a cast mate she can't stop turning around smiling, giggling and waving. Once she gets to the top she hooting and hollering and then blows a series of kisses as her cast mates walk inside. This is not someone that is shy and introverted.

Claiming she wished she did more naughty things is yet another example of what a shy and introverted person would not say. From harrypotterfan.net Nov 2010, "I wished I’d done more naughty things. Three months ago I cut my hair and at that moment I felt I became a woman. I’m ready to start taking risks. I feel less girlish than ever." ... cough ... cough... From emma-watson.net September 2013 (GQ awards), “Given the perilousness in the journey from child star to adult, any award with ‘Woman’ in the title is frankly a relief!” <---- thought she, "I’ve never been in a terrible rush to be seen as a woman.” Then there is the choices of some of her outfits. If you're shy and introverted you're not going to show some flesh and you're certainly not going to show some flesh on TV or at a strip club. The last thing you want to do is draw attention to yourself. You'd be more than happy to dress modestly. There are just a few and I limited them for space reason as well. I left out her recent plunging neckline outfit from the Noah premiere in Madrid and many others like her famed 2009 HBP premiere wardrobe malfunction outfit.

From Elle magazine April 2011 iheartwatson.net, "Does having short hair make you dress differently? ’I think it’s made me bolder in my fashion choices. It’s allowed me to dress more sexily.’” cough ... cough... From omg.yahoo.com W magazine May 2013, “I’ve never wanted to grow up too fast: I wanted to wear a sports bra until I was 22! The allure of being sexy never really held any excitement for me. I’ve never been in a terrible rush to be seen as a woman.” Never heard of a shy and introverted person want o dress more sexually because of a haircut. Then there is her constant blowing of kisses which she does a lot of which all the classic pin ups like Marilyn Monroe ands other used to do. I guess it has nothing to do with shyness but introverted people are not going to go around blowing kisses at people or into the camera.

Then there are moments like this. Who does this? Shy and introverted? I think not. This is begging for attention and just plain weird.

Blowing kisses, posing, giving that sultry look and just enjoying all the attention is not the trait of a shy and introverted person.

Now the only thing I believe her on is the socially awkward part.

Now to the second part of that quote 2.) "At a big party, I’m like Bambie in the headlights. It’s too much stimulation for me, which is why I end up going to the bathroom! I need time outs! You’ve seen me at parties, Derek. I get anxious. I’m terrible at small talk and I have a ridiculously short attention span." I doubt this is true. She loves to be the center of attention on red carpets. She loves the attention. So why would parties be any different? At Coachella (bottom left photo) she was moshing at some points on stage.

This video shows her dancing on stage but there is another I lost of a video shooting down from the stage over Emma's head and you can see she's in plain view of the thousands in attendance. When I find it I'll post it. Shy and introverted people that can't take all the stimulation like she says would not put themselves out there amongst strangers and onlookers. If so, what kind of shy and introverted person is that? To see her drunk/leaving clubs and to read her contradicting quotes about drinking click these links below Emma doesn't like to party Emma never goes clubbing Emma can drink like sailor Emma lied about not drinking at Brown So basically like so much I covered on this blog by exposing her BS this is yet another example One more thing and it's a quote I've posted many times but she keeps on changing her tune In this new interview I started this post off with she also said From snitchseeker.com May 2014, "I was being offered roles that I didn’t feel were very complicated," she says. "Women that were a bit one-dimensional. Roles that required me to be one thing. Real women never are." So, rather than embrace mediocre work, she hid out in Providence, Rhode Island, emerging only for projects that would both stretch her muscles and challenge her public persona." But yet she said something different during her time at Brown From aceshowbiz.com November 2010 She tells U.S. magazine Parade, "I get some amazing offers to act, and sometimes it's hard to say, 'No, I'm going to stay here and do my homework.' People are like, 'What do you mean she's not available?' This college experience is really important to me, and I won't give it up." And yet it was not about roles at all two years ago. It was about her studying From nytimes.com September 2012, “Why hasn’t she done more films before now? “I think at first I didn’t because I was always either studying or filming, I didn’t have time to go off and do other films or other things to sort of show people that, Oh, she is not just Hermione, she is an actress and she can go and do these other parts and roles." So which is the truth and which is the lie? So Sam in Perks and Nicki in TBR were complicated roles that she ended up leaving two Universities for? How about her small role in MWWM that took her a little over a week to film?

#echee #echee's posts

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nikkoliferous · 4 years

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Hey I got a question I’m not American so I don’t understand everything but why do you not vote Biden ?I heard that America has a two party system and the way it is built means that it’s almost impossible for a third party to win big elections like presidential .Are you not taking the risk of bein the few percents that end up letting trump win a second time?From where I am we are all pretty terrified for these elections,would Biden really be worse that all that happened in those past 4 years?

Forgive my long-windedness, but there's really no brief way to answer this question without being flippant.

So, there are a few things to understand here. The first is that, because of the way U.S. elections are set up, the results are really decided by only a handful of states. That "every vote counts" nonsense is bullshit when it comes to presidential elections. If you live in what we call "swing states", your vote may have an impact. I'm from a state that has gone to a Democrat literally only four times in its entire history. It is reliably Republican. My not voting for Biden will have absolutely zero impact on this election.

Secondly, more than 40% of the electorate (myself included) are registered as independents, meaning we don't identify with either major party. Many of those who are registered with one of the major parties don't even want to be and are only registered that way so they can vote in a particular party's primary elections. (I am fortunate in that my state holds semi-open primaries, meaning I don't have to be registered as a Democrat in order to vote in their primary. This is not true of every state, however). What I'm saying is that, if every person voted their conscience instead of voting out of fear of one major party or the other, it wouldn't be impossible for a third party to win. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Third parties can't win because the electorate believes they can't win and votes accordingly. Sadly, this logic even extends to the primary. Exit polling showed overwhelming support for Bernie Sanders' policies among Democratic primary voters, including among those who voted for Joe Biden. So why didn't they vote for Bernie? Because they were constantly being told by a disingenuous media that he "couldn't win", and the top priority for Democratic voters is ousting Trump. (This is, of course, to say nothing of the widespread election fraud that was reported throughout the primary, as was the case in 2016. Apparently, cheating is only bad when Republicans do it).

Thirdly, would Biden really be worse than all that's happened the last four years? The short answer, IMO, is yes. This is a controversial position to take because Trump is so awful, but I'm going to say it anyway: Joe Biden is not the lesser evil. Fortunately, I do not believe in lesser evil voting. I will not be held hostage by my own government. But even if I did believe in voting for so-called "harm reduction", I still would not vote for Joe Biden. Joe Biden has done more damage to this country in his career than Donald Trump ever has. That's not an endorsement of Trump; it's an indictment of Biden and the Democrats. Joe Biden is the reason America is the world's largest penal colony. Joe Biden has repeatedly taken credit for effectively writing the PATRIOT Act, which decimated Americans' basic rights to privacy. Joe Biden not only voted for the Iraq War but was one of its most enthusiastic proponents. Joe Biden helped strip bankruptcy protections from millions of Americans, including making it impossible for people to discharge their student loan debt. Joe Biden, as part of the Obama administration, built those cages at the border that everyone is so upset about. Joe Biden, as part of the Obama administration, kicked millions of Americans out of their homes. Joe Biden, as part of the Obama administration, waged an unprecedented war on whistleblowers. Joe Biden, as part of the Obama administration, allowed police to crack the skulls of peaceful protesters during Occupy Wall Street, Ferguson and DAPL. Joe Biden, as part of the Obama administration, brought open slave markets to Libya. Joe Biden, as part of the Obama administration, carried out extrajudicial killings overseas. Joe Biden, as part of the Obama administration, failed to prosecute war criminals. Now Gina Haspel, who was directly involved in Bush's torture program, is Director of the CIA. (Relatedly, Kamala Harris, Biden's VP, was encouraged to prosecute Steve Mnunchin after his bank illegally foreclosed on California homeowners. She declined to do so, and now he's Secretary of Treasury). Here is an article about how the Obama administration handed Donald Trump what is effectively a dictator's toolkit. Democrats in Congress have continued this legacy, even while screaming at the top of their lungs that Trump is an existential threat and a puppet of Vladimir Putin. People need to disabuse themselves of the idea that America is a two-party system. It's not. It's a one-party system. The Democrats and Republicans are nothing more than controlled opposition. It's a sideshow. Our true rulers are Wall Street and the military industrial complex, and they don't hold elections.

Finally, comedian and political commentator Jimmy Dore has frequently noted that, historically, Democrats are able to quietly pass horrible legislation that Republicans could only dream of getting away with. This is because when a Democrat is in the White House, the majority of the country breathes a sigh of relief and heads out to lunch. Joe Biden's legislative history of corruption, racism and imperialism makes this fact particularly concerning, because

Unlike Trump for the most part, Biden has a political core. I would rather pressure Trump, who at least occasionally stumbles on the right position by accident (as in the case of North Korea), than Joe Biden, who has a very set ideology which he largely refuses to be moved from. (Even in the midst of a pandemic that has resulted in mass unemployment, he's STILL arguing that employer-based healthcare is good, actually). Trump is more malleable, IMO, than Biden is.

Because Trump is so hated by the political establishment, the media, and quite frankly, a good chunk of the public, there's at least been a heavy degree of scrutiny surrounding him. True, a good portion of it is superficial (focusing on made-up nonsense like Russiagate instead of the actual horrible things he's doing). But people are paying far more attention to what their government does (or doesn't do) than they would have under a Hillary Clinton presidency. Most people still view Barack Obama as a good president because the mainstream media's failure to hold him accountable has convinced them that the most scandalous thing he ever did was wear a tan suit. If Biden becomes President, the vast majority of Americans will tune right back out while their government continues to screw them. And then, four to eight years from now, we'll be having this same conversation, only instead of Donald Trump, it will be Tom Cotton or Tucker Carlson who's the greatest threat our country has ever faced. Every single election in my lifetime, we've been told "now isn't the time" to fix what's wrong with our political system. The stakes are too high. The Republicans are an existential threat. You have to vote for the lesser evil. And guess what? The stakes have only gotten higher; the Republicans have only gotten more threatening; the country's politics have only shifted further and further to the right. What's that saying about the definition of insanity, again?

Lawrence O'Donnell, a media personality who used to work as a Democratic strategist, once said, "If you want to pull the major party that's closest to the way you're thinking to what you're thinking, you must show them you're capable of not voting for them. If you don't show them you're capable of not voting for them, they don't have to listen to you, I promise you that. I worked within the Democratic Party. I didn't listen or have to listen to anything on the left while I was working in the Democratic Party, because the left had nowhere to go."

I understand that you all fear what Trump is capable of. I sympathise with that; I fear it too. But what I fear more is what the next Trump is capable of. I fear what happens in four to eight years when we still haven't solved any of the problems that led to his election in the first place and the next Trump isn't an incompetent buffoon who announces every bad decision he makes via tweet. Kamala Harris is out here tweeting about how awesome things were under Obama and how Trump bungled it all. Joe Biden has already told his wealthy donors that nothing will fundamentally change for them if he becomes President. So my fear of a Biden/Harris administration is two-fold: one, I fear what they'll actually do while they're in office and two, I fear the inevitable backlash that will follow after they've done jackshit to improve people's lives. In other words, I believe dismantling the two-party system that put us in this position in the first place is more important than defeating Trump.

#send me asks #us politics #joe biden #2020 us election

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nonwal · 4 years

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I’ve seen some meta talking about whether various characters’ judgements of Artagan are unfounded (or subconsciously influenced by what their players know from c1) and...hm. Yes, he’s been extremely supportive of Jester and she’s consistently told the M9 that he’s her best friend and he’s super cool you guys. But that doesn’t mean that these characters’ suspicion towards him is unfounded, just that they’re founded on those characters’ personalities and previous life experiences, rather than anything Artagan has done or Jester has directly told them about him.

this is pretty long and based off of my own initial impressions of the most current episode (which I missed parts of,) so YMMV below the cut

First off. Caduceus. Let’s be frank, he’s sitting back and quietly judging everyone. I love him for it, but this isn’t news. I’d be surprised if he were 100% on board with any of this. Out of all the player characters, he’s always been the least in tune with who Jester actually is as a person.

Fjord. Remember when he ended up stuck in a pact with a pseudo-god, too scared to break away from it because he didn’t like who he was without his powers? That’s absolutely coloring the way he views Jester and Artagan’s interactions. I don’t necessarily agree with how he’s handled it (Jester doesn’t need to be coddled or protected, she’s not a child, just talk to her about your concerns, fucking hell,) but his judgement is based on very real fears. Right up until the end Fjord was telling everyone that he had the Ukutoa situation handled--he didn’t tell anyone when he lost his powers, he never voiced any of his doubts about his usefulness, he just let everyone assume things were fine. So it makes sense that he doesn’t entirely trust Jester telling him that Artagan’s her friend and she’s fine, especially considering that Fjord has become increasingly aware that (with his abysmal insight/wisdom score) he doesn’t actually know what’s going on behind the scenes most of the time.

Beau...well. Remember how her family had history with a mysterious figure granting them boons and then surprise, that figure turned out to be an evil fey being bent on causing misery? Remember what her initial relationship with Molly was like? Is anyone surprised that she doesn’t like Artagan, certified archfey bullshitter? Even ignoring her background, the same traits that make her a good investigator/expositor make her bad at trusting and letting go. She doesn’t expect things to go well, she assumes people are lying about their intentions, she gets suspicious and stubborn and defensive. Again, I don’t necessarily like how she handled this situation, but it absolutely makes sense considering who she is as a character and the biases she has.

Caleb’s harder to read. We know that A) he speaks sylvan and therefore presumably understands what to expect from a fey more than the others and B) he has some deeply fucked-up experiences with being manipulated by a powerful authority figure. He initially seemed to show wariness re:the Traveler, but he also did the same thing with Jester’s mom (and many other people besides.) After watching Artagan interact with Jester more, he seems to have relaxed somewhat and trusted that she has a handle on it, even if he might not trust Artagan himself. It’s also possible that he feels like he'd recognize manipulative behavior based on his own experiences and doesn’t think that’s the case here, or that he feels like he isn’t allowed to judge other people’s choices because of his own self-loathing. It’s hard to say the exact reason for it, but he has stepped back into a supportive role and is less suspicious than some of the others.

Yasha hasn’t said a ton about what she actually thinks of Artagan from what I recall, and I think a lot of people are interpreting her silence as strong disapproval when that may not necessarily be the case. She’s got the whole Obann thing she’s still working through, but that involved literal mind control and she doesn’t necessarily seem to be projecting her own issues onto Jester’s situation. Again, hard to read--she’s been a bit reserved in her support, but she’s also just reserved in general.

Veth has arguably handled this the best, and I do think part of that is because, as someone who blows stuff up and permanently glues dicks to people’s hands, she’s more in tune with Jester than the rest of the group. However, I also think it’s easiest for her to trust that Jester can have an equal relationship with Artagan because she doesn’t have the baggage that so many of the others do. The bad things that have happened to her weren’t due to trusted authority figures using their power to abuse her. She’s aware that dangerous power imbalances can happen, but that isn’t the lens that she fundamentally filters the world through, and so it’s easier for her to accept when that’s not the case.

Last but not least, Jester has...inadvertently exacerbated a lot of this by repeatedly introducing the Traveler as a super-powerful god that people should worship because he’s awesome, and defending his godhood whenever someone doubted it. If she’d mostly focused on their long friendship and less on the powerful deity thing, I wonder if it would’ve triggered everyone’s Mistrust of Authority™ alarms to the same degree or made the not-a-god reveal as troubling. Also, from the outside it’s easy to assume that the Traveler was asking her to recruit more followers instead of that being her own idea--and almost impossible to imagine that the Traveler being a god was also her idea. The rest of the Nein never heard Artagan’s own explanation for why he started a cult (that it was mostly Jester’s influence and he kinda got swept away by it,) so it’s easy to assume he’d been stringing her and everyone else along as a fun power trip. They also didn’t see him go “I don’t know wtf I’m doing, help,” so Jester helping him organize Travelercon probably seems like she’d been ordered to clean up his mess when he got bored of it, rather than a friend asking for advice because he’s in over his head. The Nein have mostly interacted with Artagan with Jester as an intermediary, and she’s been vague in many of her explanations because she’s trying to defend her friend. I don’t blame her for the resulting misinterpretation of events, but I can definitely understand why it happened.

as a final note--it’s easy to forget that Fjord and Beau are, frankly, very new to having real friends. They have excellent people skills in specific contexts, but both of them struggle with close interpersonal relationships because they don’t actually have a lot of experience with how those should work. I don’t think that not trusting Jester’s judgement and trying to shield her from her own (perceived) naivety is a good idea. I do think that that’s something they will eventually figure out, assuming they continue to put effort into self-improvement as they’ve pretty consistently done this entire campaign.

as a final final note--this is an improv game and people are allowed to play imperfect characters! that is what makes it interesting and fun! I like complicated relationships and this is not an attack on you or the players! please do not crucify me because my armchair interpretation of character motivations clashes with your own headcanon/your favorite ship/something a cast member said in some tweet I haven’t read/the moonweaver being in retrograde!

#critical role #cr meta #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #I probably used too many adverbs here but this entire thing's a bit of a mess anyway so who cares about the details #oh god it's 2am what happened

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