#I have a feeling that nothing I can say would be groundbreaking lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lonelier-version-of-you · 5 months

Text

So, shall we all congratulate Sah Brockner on working what must be the longest notice period in Holbyverse history? Most characters don't even seem to work one at all.

Putting the jokes aside: I thought Casualty was brilliant tonight. Faith not being in it went some way to making sure of that - I'll savour this moment, I'm sure it won't happen again for months - but it was also just very well-written and well-acted. Also, it had plenty of the social commentary that Casualty needs.

I am going to miss Sah very, very much. I have to say: I am very sad indeed about Sah leaving. I don't think I've been so "I get why they left but I'm also incredibly sad they can't stay forever" about a character since Jade. Sah has been a great character - they've been quiet, sarcastic, a bit socially awkward, sometimes cold but deeply caring when it comes down to it, occasionally stubborn, a fast learner, passionate about what they believe in and willing to stand up for others. (I also interpreted them as autistic.)

Oh, and they happen to be nonbinary.

Casualty has done a lot for trans representation with Sah and for that I will always be tremendously grateful. Has everything about how their character has been handled been perfect? No. I've critiqued things about their portrayal before and those still stand. But, as you can see, I just wrote a whole paragraph describing who Sah is without having to mention that they're nonbinary once - because while it's a significant aspect of who they are, just as something like their mum not being around for them or them being a carer for their dad has been, it's not the only trait Casualty gave them.

There are many, many trans characters out there who may have been well-meaning attempts at representation but are nonetheless tokenistic portrayals with few to no personality traits or stories beyond being trans - which doesn't exactly do anything to change the stereotype that we push our "lifestyles" on everyone all the time, does it? (I think stories about being trans can absolutely be worthwhile, so it's mostly the characters themselves I'm talking about: IMHO, they need more to describe them than just "oh, they're the trans one!" to be good representation.) But Sah was different. I don't know that I'd say Sah was groundbreaking, but they've certainly been meaningful representation to me. For one thing, they've been written in a way that has let them have stories that are about them being trans and stories that have nothing to do with them being trans, which is great.

I'd also like to say that Arin Smethurst's acting as Sah has been great throughout their time on Casualty! It's been very lucky to have them.

I thought how Sah leaving was handled in the story was very well-done too. It was very believeable and didn't feel too sudden or anything like that at all. Their faith in the world and in their profession was so very shaken - I can understand why they would just want to get out after that.

Their last scene was particularly excellent. Obviously, I was jealous when they got a hug from Jacob. Their hugs with Jan and Iain were also so cute. And the silent farewell with Teddy - that just got to me. I've read Sah and Teddy as being in love with one another for a long time now, but even if they weren't romantically in love, there was clearly a very deep love of some kind between them so this last scene was just so sad to see.

Speaking of which, there seems to be a running theme now of characters leaving because they just can't take it anymore. Now I'm wondering if that's how Charlie will leave. I'd think that more impactful if there hadn't been a fakeout version of it quite recently, but oh well.

After all this time, a proper storyline for Jacob! I'm sort of sad that Sah left this week because it means I had to type all that out instead of getting to put Jacob at the top when he finally gets a proper story, lol. He was brilliant tonight, absolutely brilliant. I cannot say enough how much I love him. And we got an allusion - a subtle one, but I thought it spoke volumes - to his trauma. I love it when the writers remember things like that, especially in contexts like this Stevie story where it's definitely needed. As always, Charles Venn was so good!

The story with Habid was, I thought, one of the best patient storylines in a long time. A very emotionally impactful storyline - it made me cry, even - and much-needed social commentary. It's a story I'm glad Casualty told.

Now, as for the rest:

The Max, Jodie, and Stella scenes were very good, as was the scene with Max and Stella alone. Nigel Harman was incredible in that scene between Max and Stella. I'm so sad that Max will be leaving so soon. And I'm sad that his backstory almost certainly won't get to come through properly before he does.

I like that Jodie is unsure of what to do about Max. It feels very realistic.

I keep saying Max is like a neo-Henrik, and once again it was very clear tonight. That scene where he was basically telling Jodie he didn't know what he was doing but he did want the three of them to get to know one another as family - that was so sweet.

I did think the story with the other woman Jodie was treating was a bit boring, but I get why it was there - so that Jodie would think everything with Max over a bit more.

The camerawork in some scenes made me feel somewhat dizzy, but as usual recently, that was probably the point so I don't particularly mind it.

Stevie's characterisation was very interesting. I can't wait to see where this goes for her. Her interactions with Jacob were fascinating, because it made me think back on Jacob last spring, in a somewhat similar situation - both Stevie and Jacob respectively are/have been blaming themselves for something, but Jacob ran from it and switched professions, while Stevie is gripping on as tightly as she can to any sense of control. She was very unlikeable at some points tonight, which is something I wouldn't normally say as a Stevie fan, but I'm sure it's intentional.

I don't like Harry. I can't tell if we're supposed to like him. I hope we're not, because I don't.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm vaguely interested in the Natalia and Iain storyline. It sort of makes sense that she'd feel an unrequited interest in him. I mean, it's cliche if that's where it's going but it also makes sense. I think Natalia wants comfort and a nice, present parental figure more than anything else, but will misinterpret her feelings as romantic. I've had similar moments, so I can relate to that. Seeing how he responds, and when he inevitably has to turn her down, might be interesting. I just want Faith herself to be kept out of it.

So, yes, tonight was great. I have no idea what's meant to be happening next week. I hope Jacob's in it again with another proper storyline.

#BBC Casualty #Sah Brockner #Casualty spoilers

9 notes · View notes

lithiumfae · 1 year

Text

The Sculptured, Chapter 1.

next part here.

female reader, she/her pronouns. i decided to edit this chapter since i will now be writing in third person instead of first person because it all sounded awkward to me lol.

tags: implied jealousy, a little sad (but not THAT sad don’t worry). 4.4k words.

Arriving at Hogwarts at the age of twelve when all seemed new and exciting for someone that grew up in the so-called normal world was groundbreaking. Although rather shortly she had a reality check, she was never going to be on the same level as those born and raised in the magical world. And because regular people tend to have a superiority complex you can only imagine the way pure-blood wizards regarded her. Being muggle-born meant not knowing anyone prior to the Sorting Ceremony, while everyone else appeared to have at least one or two acquaintances she sat there trying to blend in with the rest of the quiet kids that looked frightened by all the floating candles.

That damned Sorting Hat. It did nothing to help kids feel a little less scared, the snarky remarks combined with the seeming power of knowing their deepest fears made for the scariest minute of their entire life. Not to say that she ever thought she would be sorted into Gryffindor or the infamous Slytherin house, no. She aspired for Ravenclaw but alas, the stupid hat saw her best fit in Hufflepuff. Although coming to think of it she supposed what angered her most wasn't the annoying hat but what it implied, that it knew her better than she knew herself. She thought herself to be witty, creative, and peculiar. She thought herself to be unique and like no other student at Hogwarts. Instead, the hat saw her as modest and patient which are not bad things by any means but to her, at least at that time, sounded like things anyone could be.

You see, this very need to feel like she had something no one else had is exactly what drove her to try and learn people's secrets. Dumbledore, Professor Slughorn, Professor Sprout, and even the off-putting Filch were a few of the staff she tried to get “dirt” on. Until the most unlikely person made her realize that perhaps they all had secrets for a reason, at the same time she learnt not to seek what is not meant for her to know.

Madam Pomfrey the ever-soothing lady that was capable of curing all afflictions everyone suffered from. From squiggly bones to a fever that turned you blue there wasn't a single illness she couldn't help you with. Until a morning like all the others while she was out on yet another quest, or should we say secret mission, when she passed by the hospital wing and saw Madam Pomfrey squeezing water out of a pink-stained washcloth. Much to her dismay, the girl charged head first inside the room.

Hogwarts’ darling boy was covered in dried blood. He had plasters on his face, going from his left eyebrow all the way down to his chin accompanied by a similar looking one but slightly smaller in length going from his left cheek to his chin as well. Madam Pomfrey was in the process of wiping blood from his neck and chest when the student gasped out loud. Perhaps it was the exhaustion or his near-unconscious state that made it easy for her to prod him until he told her what it all meant.

Lycanthropy in itself, as a concept, has always been one of the most spine-chilling things to suffer from. Just the thought of it could make anyone feel uncertain. But to live life as a werewolf is something that to most will only be their biggest nightmare that won’t ever become a reality. But this poor boy had been living with it for years. It showed on the pale scars across his back and the ones on his ribs, some of them protruding and others a little harder to see. All in all his pale pinkish skin made for a sorry sight, to think of what he had been through for years made her stomach feel like it was trying to crawl up her throat.

It’s been three years since she promised to take his secret to her tomb. Considering she was only in her second year and that it is a major thing to hide, she thinks she has done a great job at acting normal and like they do not share information that could get him expelled and outcasted. Now in her fifth year it all feels like forever ago.

The thing about Remus Lupin is that he is quite enigmatic, even if she were to remove his affliction out of the formula he would still be like that, he keeps to himself. Well, himself and his friends that is.

The famous but also infamous Marauders.

To try to describe them in only a few words would be a fruitless attempt. How can you? When they have been tormenting the school grounds for years, every year they come up with new and more deranged tactics to torment the students. When she was first made aware of them as a group she thought it was endearing in a way, she was eleven so she was in awe at the cool slightly older boys. But the enchanting aura she used to see around them wore off soon enough, it became annoying. Now, don’t get it wrong. She does not hate them by any means, they are just… a lot. Between the five of them the fact that they all know about Remus it’s kind of an open secret, they know they all know, they acknowledge each other in the corridors, they pass each other, they don’t talk about it, end.

But her being the only woman in the mix wouldn’t just fly over Sirius Black, of course not. He has made it his mission to tease her. For years! If she helps Remus with his chair the morning after a full moon everyone in the room can literally hear Sirius’ eyebrows move up and down, if she takes a few seconds too long asking Remus about his day he will make little comments like “Ah yes, tell her. Don’t make the lady worry.” Is she nicer to Remus when she notices how slow he walks after one of his transformations? Absolutely. Should he try that hard to embarrass her? Definitely not.

Sirius Black is a git.

But he is a nice fool. That nobody can deny. They all are. They care about Remus an awful lot, they treat him carefully enough not to make him feel different than the rest. Yet even taking into consideration their patent love for one another can't make her forget about all the little jokes they have played on her. The one time she was running late for her herbology class and she happened to step on the enchanted step and fell through it, other time when she was working with Severus on a hair changing potion and James made her touch a glue-it-all potion so she was fused with Severus the entire morning! Those are only two of all the annoying little pranks they pulled on her.

All things considered, she still smiles every time she recalls those instances. They do make life a tad more exciting.

To be excited for what’s to come feels both risky and exhilarating at the same time.

A new week always meant new opportunities for Sirius to dramatically tell everyone who was unfortunate enough to have functioning ears his plans to woo who he called the love of his life, mind you every eight to ten days he will have a new soon-to-be wife. His infatuations come and go like a winter fog.

“No but I mean it Peter, this woman is the one. Listen,” He said as he stood up from his seat and walked behind his friend. “She’s a delicate little thing man. Blonde and her hands are like silk,” Peter briefly looked at his other friends as if he was sending them a signal. The unspoken agreement to just let him go on about the girls he fancies.

“I thought you liked them with a tan, now you’re into pale blondes, what gives?”

Chuckling he sat back down. “What gives he says. I just realized that maybe lighter hair would look better next to mine, balance and whatnot.”

She couldn't help but laugh. Even though she was against men choosing women just because of how they looked, Sirius had a way of making people laugh with his stupidity. It is so like him to fancy a girl because her appearance is a stark contrast to his own.

At the sound of her laugh Sirius looked away from Peter and made eye contact with her. “Oh, and to what do I owe the pleasure of hearing Miss perfect laugh?” He shouted at her over the table.

She simply shook her head while smiling. “You’re very stupid, stupid but quite amusing I’ll admit.”

As if what she had just said meant an invitation to go over to the Hufflepuff table he all but sprinted towards her. The two girls sitting in front of her quickly made space for Sirius when they saw him narrow the short distance from his table to theirs, naturally he sat down between them. “I take offense. Not stupid at all.”

“Okay.” She said intending to dismiss him.

“No, no. I hate it when you agree with me because I feel like you’re laughing at me! Friends are not supposed to make fun of you.”

“We are not friends Sirius, I’d say friendly acquaintances at best,” Ever the drama queen he let out an overly loud gasp and put a hand on his chest. “No, don’t start now.” She whined.

He closed his lips to show a childish pout. “You wound me… But I suppose you like them sweet and humble no?”

“Meaning?”

“Lupin, Lupin,” His eyes looked into hers and then he seemed to look at her forehead. He opened his mouth to say something but instead he let out a soft laugh.

“Whatever that means.” She said sounding defensive.

Whenever Remus was the topic of conversation between them she felt like Sirius was on the verge of laughing at the end of every sentence, not in a condescending manner or anything like it but it still came off as if she was missing the joke.

His gaze left her face to focus on something behind her and going by the loud laughter that could be heard it was safe to assume he was looking at his friends.

Cutting the conversation short he said, “I'll leave you alone,” He used one of the girls’ shoulders to get up. “For now.” Hands in his pockets he began making his way back to the Gryffindor table, all the while the girls he had been sandwiched between covered their mouths and giggled to themselves.

One of them cleared her throat and closed the notebook she had been writing in diverting her attention to her. “Quite fit that Remus, no?” Her friend was also looking at her now waiting for a response.

“I suppose so.”

“He is so dreamy. Looks like a total gentleman too,” agreeing with the girl she only smiled and nodded.

For the rest of the morning, she could only think of one question. Is Remus Lupin the gentleman type?

She had never denied, to herself at least, the fact that she thought Remus was attractive. She is shy but not a liar. But even though she is content admitting it she still thinks it's embarrassing to just ogle at him whenever she gets the chance to. But how can she not stare, with his fluffy hair that lets everyone know he doesn't know how to tame it and keep it flat to his head, or his eyes that show premature signs of aging around them because of how much he smiles, not to mention his lanky and towering figure that could never be described as intimidating due to how often he is seen hunched over, almost as if he was trying to take as little space as possible. She used to think her mild infatuation with him was because of how different he was from his three other friends. He is not loud and obnoxious like James, or arrogant and overly confident like Sirius. During that first year of knowing them, she thought he and Peter were very alike but she mistook his quietness for a lack of bravery, while Peter is the type to observe people and silently judge them, Remus’ quietness is never nefarious.

But to him his appearance is nothing to be proud of. Not that he has ever told her but it is not hard to see he thinks that way, people just need to watch him when he talks to girls he clearly fancies.

He certainly knows how charming his shy demeanor is and he uses it to his advantage. But the way he tilts one side of his face to sort of hide his scars does not seem to be about him playing up the shy persona. To try to hide something that everyone has already noticed is pointless, but she is aware his scars bring him great shame so she tries not to be a prick and chastise him for that.

All things considered, it still makes her feel a little funky. Given the way he only hides his scars when he is talking to girls he is trying to shag, she cannot help but wonder if he thinks she is not worthy enough to try and impress. How come the Slytherin girl gets the full Casanova-Remus experience but she doesn’t? Aren't Gryffindors supposed to loathe Slytherins? Times like those are when she starts to question silly things and she always ends up shaking her head.

So much for convincing Sirius she is not into his best friend when she cannot even manage to keep the frown off her face when she looks at Remus and sees him yet again flirting with everyone but her.

Just last week she had a laughing fit when she came to the conclusion that making him feel even the slightest bit jealous brings her joy. To her it is ridiculous to think like that.

The way she feels like she won a battle whenever she is talking to Severus and she notices Remus staring for a few seconds too long. She tries not to be delusional because deep down she knows he is only doing it because the marauders despise Severus and he is probably thinking “What is she doing talking to someone that despicable?” And perhaps that is also why she indulges in the little ways Severus shows interest in her. Or maybe she is just doing it because of the tiniest ego boost she gets when she is reminded that even though Remus is not into her, other boys still find her attractive.

Herbology is a mandatory class from first year to fifth year but those who wish to pursue a career somehow related to magical plants continue attending classes all throughout the last two years at Hogwarts, so on Mondays they all share a class with sixth-year students at the greenhouse.

With the earmuffs and the rest of the equipment on they all looked rather silly, round bodies akin to the silhouette of a cough drop. It helps with the incredibly difficult task of ignoring Remus’ charming looks when he resembles a handmade teddy bear.

“Since we only have seven sixth-year students I will let them pair up with a fifth-year they like, as always” Professor Sprout reminded them the same thing every week. Her small hands patted Severus’ back to catch his attention. “You over there like always,” She said while pointing toward her.

Even though she said sixth-year students get to choose their partners that wasn't the case for Severus. During the third week of classes she started pairing them up saying she could get him to talk as she was worried about him being so quiet and moody all the time, bless her.

In retrospect, she should have known better than to willingly partner with Severus. Not because he is evil to everyone around him as most people think he is, but because she is aware the Marauders absolutely despise him. The thing about Severus is that he excels at everything he does, academically at least. And she is anything but an idiot so of course, she was going to take advantage of him being civil with her. But him and Remus being present around them at the same time meant Remus will take any opportunity to remind her of her undying yearning. Even if he did it while unaware of his effect on her.

“Hi,” she said as a quiet greeting to Severus.

“Morning.”

Talkative as always.

She saw Remus slowly making his way from the entrance to their ittle set up near the corner. Throwing smiles to the people he knew as he approached them. This week he seemed to be stiffer than most days, evident in the way he leaned his weight mainly on his left leg. She reached her hand out to pull one of the chairs so he could sit.

“Good morning Remus.”

“Hello, hello,” He said with a small smile on his face. His lips paler than usual. “I couldn’t be here last week. What are you working on?”

“A joint assignment with Professor Flitwick. We already finished the essay yesterday morning though,” She briefly looked at Severus before she talked again. “Maybe we can tell Professor Sprout you helped us…”

Severus scoffed but smiled at her nonetheless, “A hard carry situation you mean?”

“No! I just thought we could help him out. Just this once.”

She was fully aware he was absent last week because of the ominous full moon. She was not about to tell him to fuck off and go do the assignment on his own when he looked like he had been dragged by his hair from Hagrid’s hut all the way to the greenhouse.

“Yeah, Severus?” She asked again.

“There’s no need for that, I’m sure Professor Sprout will be forgiving.” Said Remus waving his hand.

“I don’t mind,” Severus shrugged. “It’s not like it was a particularly difficult essay. I don’t really care.”

“Oh I’m sure it wasn’t,” The venom present in Remus’ voice despite his calm demeanor. “A smart man that you are.”

She let out an awkward laugh because she didn’t want this to end up in a pointless ego fight. She stood up from her little chair to dig through her bag looking for the parchment, once she found it she quickly added Remus’ name and walked up to Professor Sprout. The plump woman smiled at her and stretched out her hand. “Alright?”

“Mhm! We finished it yesterday.”

She simply smiled again and nodded. As she turned around to go back she called her name again. “Is that Lupin boy feeling poorly? He looks impossibly tired,” And truthfully he did look rather pitiful. She hummed and lifted an eyebrow confirming what Professor Sprout was thinking without having to say anything. “You lot can leave if you wish to, Mister Snape too.”

“Thank you Professor.”

As expected, Severus didn’t leave with them. Choosing to stay and brood around as he usually does.

Being all alone with Remus made her nervous no matter how many times they have walked the corridors in only the presence of one another. Sadistically enough, him feeling under the weather made her slightly less anxious than then regular Remus.

Remus dropped the smile he had on as they stepped out of the greenhouse . As soon as they turned around a corner in the corridor he squatted down, using his arm to slowly slide down the wall. The pain was evident in the way his face was all scrunched up, one of his eyebrows twitching the tiniest bit. She was not sure what to say or do so she silently sat next to him on the floor.

He still looked incredibly pale but now his lips were also dry and colorless.

“Are we going to the infirmary?” She asked in an almost whisper not wanting to disrupt him.

As if the innocent question had been an amusing joke he smiled with his eyes still closed. “Are we going to the infirmary?” He repeated. “Yes, just give me a minute. I can’t walk right now.”

After a silent beat she murmured, “I’m sorry…”

“Last time I checked your name is not Fenrir Greyback,” He sighed. To keep the peace of the moment reassuringly he said, “Nothing to be sorry about.”

They sat like that for a few minutes until he moved to use her knee to help himself get up. She thought he seemed to be having an even harder time walking after getting up so she grabbed his arm and put it over her shoulder, this made him laugh again.

“You don’t make for a good crutch when I’m way taller than you.” Remus said but he still leaned on her.

Guilt is a recurring feeling she has become used to. His feverish skin only comes in contact with hers when he needs help moving around, although she is aware of this, it is impossible for her not to feel the tiniest bit of satisfaction when it does happen.

The corridors seemed never ending, especially when Remus’ heavy breathing was right next to her ear. Two or three times she thought he was going to pass out on her.

When they arrived at the infirmary, Madam Pomfrey was in the middle of fixing someone’s fingers that were curled all the way backwards, so she ushered them to one of the empty beds and closed the curtains around them giving them as much privacy one could have in a school infirmary.

The moment they were out of sight from anyone on the other side of the curtains, Remus let his body fall on the bed. It creaked under his weight. Although Remus wondered whether or not his joints made an even louder sound than the bed.

She had always been weak to other people’s suffering, ever the weak hearted. When someone whimpers due to the pain they are feeling she often grinds her teeth as if that would ease some of their pain and pass it to her. Today was no different. As Remus placed one of his hands on his lower back she turned around to look through the space between the curtains to distract herself from the sorry sight to her left.

She only looked back at him when she heard his soft voice again. “You don’t have to stay.”

She shook her head. “Are you joking? You helped me escape Professor Sprout, like hell I’m going back,” She joked because she knew how guilty he felt when he thought his pain interfered with anyones plans.

He then showed her a weak smile and then looked at the floor. “Snape is back there, you wouldn’t be alone.”

“He’s hardly good company when we are not working on something.”

“How come? Sirius said you two were friends,”

Ah, of course he did.

“I wouldn’t say friends… He just helps me out a lot, he doesn’t seem to enjoy my company all that much,” She said half heartedly, not really liking where the conversation was going. “He is very quiet I suppose.”

“Perhaps he is shy.”

“Why would he be shy around me?” She inquired.

He waved his hand in her direction then he lifted his eyes to look at her, his head a little tilted. “You know,” Another smile. “School boy crush and all.”

“Are you trying to set me up or something?”

“With Snape? No, never. I just think he likes you. He is always staring. Not to mention the way he clearly enjoys your company.” He went back to looking at the floor swinging his feet with his hands under his thighs.

Being once again reminded of just how good it felt to indulge in thinking this could be jealousy, she decided to egg him on.

“Would that be a bad thing?” She looked to the ceiling. “To conquer the ice king?” She joked.

“King?” He laughed. “A jester at best.”

“You’re being mean Remus,” She said but she also smiled, pleased her joke had landed. He was shaking his head when Madam Pomfrey’s head came through the curtain saying she was done with the other kid.

She told Remus to lay on his stomach so she could rub an ointment where he was hurting.

She watched as the lady started working her magic, Remus’ face contorted in what she imagined was pain. Madam Pomfrey winced every time he groaned a little too loud, a quiet apology leaving her lips.

That was only the third time she saw from up close the way his body changed after a full moon. Having seen it before did nothing to lessen the shock she felt. His joints cracked loudly when he moved to get more comfortable. In some places she could see his veins very clearly, almost as if someone went over them with a marker to highlight them.

To say she felt pity for him would mean she does not respect him. Someone like Remus does not deserve pity, but a similar feeling plagued her subconscious. Earlier when he mentioned Fenrir Greyback was the first time Remus ever said his name in her presence. Sirius’ loose tongue made her aware of how lycanthropy came to be such an important part of Remus’ life. She couldn’t help but feel something akin to pity when she thought about that small unsuspecting boy whose life would forever be affected by the actions of such a barbaric monster like Greyback.

No one deserved to suffer this much.

Especially someone as kind as Remus.

Most of the time the boy’s pain went away with only a few spells and potions provided by Madam Pomfrey, this time was no different. Remus frequently marveled at how little effort it took her to get rid of the deep bone ache he felt around that time of the month, he remembers how hopeful he had felt when he arrived at Hogwarts and how for a brief moment he thought she could fully cure him of his affliction.

Childlike wonder often leads to adult sized disappointments.

Although Madam Pomfrey performed her magic rather quickly, his visits to the infirmary were never rushed. Every time she made sure to spend time talking to him asking if his mind was still intact.

His mind had not been fully well ever since he was a little child but he reassures her nonetheless.

He is okay and he is dealing with it.

#remus lupin #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x reader #marauders #marauders era #harry potter #marauders fanfiction #remus lupin fanfiction

99 notes · View notes

bat-eclecticwolfbouquet-love · 29 days

Note

Bnha didn't do it for me on the whole "Hero-Villain" tropes anymore. It doesn't feel like its groundbreaking ideas are getting written well like how there's no such thing as a defined Hero or Villain, there is just the nature of things. Everything is so Black and White

I think James Gunn's work, Peacemaker actually has amazing ideas on the whole Hero-Villain tropes, everyone had an absolute blast with it, great character developments and also amazing comedy too

The best thing about the entire series is that how they treat comic superheroes in it is exactly how one would expect Superheroes would be treated in a Modern world, like how Aquaman is getting dissed on Twitter lol, Aquaman even said when he made it as the ending's cameo that people gotta stop with the dumb rumours, yes he doesn't fuck fish AND ofc John Cena too, dang he's one hell of character

Also I guess at some point, the entire "Teenage Heroes" trope got stale since it all feels unrealistic and how no one is talking about the gravity of bringing kids into Heroism so early. They missed out on a lot of chances with "Real Horror" with the Modern Heroes World in Bnha, cuz there are bad things in good things and vice versa

It's sad how no one is talking about the societal treatment towards others and how there are always the Villains cuz mostly everyone didn't have the awareness of how badly they treat others who are considered "freaks of society".

The lack of education on certain social aspects is appalling, they ignore the social issues with Quirks in general and didn't educate children on how to treat others kindly regardless of Quirks, you can see that with Bakugo, since it was his huge characteristic everyone knows for. Honestly this part feels extremely realistic cuz it's an actual real life thing but I don't think it was improved and just left it as is. We see the consequences and never solutions to fix

Yeah to me it feels like hero don't face any consequences and the whole 'saving villains things ' was quickly discarded. I'm not saying all should be forgiven but it was made clear they became what they are because of tragedy, especially Shigaraki. I believe nothing is black and white. It's shades of gray, (I think Tokyo ghoul did this really well).

And yeah the whole kids being heroes and put through the things they've dealt with, like the Pro heroes seemed to step aside and let it happen which is weird. Let's be honest the young students were leading the way against AFO and Shigaraki. I know this was there story (Izuku Bakugou Shouto Shigaraki) these were the main characters but that doesn't mean we gotta like how they get there.

I also think the story got darker then people expected.

I've always felt the a hero or villain is perspective. A person can be a great hero then go home and abuse their family. A person whose a villain may be doing bad deeds to help their family or those they love because the system fucked them over. So to those they are the hero and the hero is the bad guy.

Society changes people and shows the world what it thinks is correct. Shigarakis life was horrible he deserves someone to save him but he's committed crimes that can't be swept under the rug yet he only did them cause he was groomed and lied to and abused but all the Society sees is he is bad. Heroes aren't suppose to kill but there ate heroes who enjoy the brutality of beating or killing villains. But their heroes so it's OK.

You made some great points and I really enjoyed reading this.

IM SORRY I RAMBLED. SO MANY THOUGHTS. I HOPE IT MAKES SENSE. I COULD GO ON AND ON. THIS IS NOT SPELL CHECKED.

#mha spoilers #bnha spoilers

3 notes · View notes

riddlerosehearts · 4 months

Text

still not gonna fully come back on tumblr yet but i just wanna say that i... finished my dreamworks tier list... i have now seen all 46 of this studio's movies--well, i guess technically not all, since i'm including the direct-to-video release joseph: king of dreams (which, despite only being at the top of the B tier on my list, i do think is pretty underrated and idk why nobody seems to give it a chance), but excluding the trollhunters movie because i've never seen the trollhunters show. maybe someday i will, but right now i'm just not interested.

so, this all just confirmed for me what i've thought for a long time already, which is that dreamworks is an incredibly weird and incredibly inconsistent studio. they've created some of the most beautiful and magical animated films of all time with releases like how to train your dragon, rise of the guardians, and prince of egypt, and some of the most absolute bottom of the barrel trash i've ever had to experience with things like antz, shark tale, and boss baby. and then they've also made a handful of very middle of the road movies, that i wouldn't really say i enjoy all that much, but which i don't think are necessarily bad either--this is the C tier on my list and i will be honest, the first shrek movie was originally in this tier for me because i'm just not that into it. i only moved it up a little because i felt like i had to admit that it is objectively a pretty good movie that was groundbreaking for its time and paved the way for shrek 2 and the puss in boots movies, all of which i love, to exist.

i guess i should share my final ranking, huh? before i do that i will also say that this ranking is absolutely not objective at all and is almost entirely based on my own personal enjoyment. like i said, i originally had shrek 1 in C tier lol. and i have trolls world tour in A tier because i just genuinely love a lot of things about it and very thoroughly have a fun time watching it. the trolls franchise as a whole is so much better than most dreamworks stuff and i will die on this hill. i also tried to rank things from best to worst within the tiers, but i'm very indecisive and some of these movies were hard to rank simply because i couldn't decide if they were closer to "okay" or "bad", or "bad" or "awful"... i could see some of my rankings maybe changing slightly if i thought about it a little more. for now i'm fine with where everything is, though.

anyway, here's my list that is sure to make at least one person want to yell at me lol:

so, to break it down, my top 5 favorite dreamworks movies are:

Prince of Egypt

Rise of the Guardians

How to Train Your Dragon

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

How To Train Your Dragon 2

(i feel so bad that spirit: stallion of the cimarron got pushed out of the top 5... puss in boots: the last wish just existing + me rewatching HTTYD 2 and remembering how much i love it made that inevitable. but hey, it's still top tier.) and my top 5 least favorite dreamworks movies, starting with the least terrible one, are:

The Boss Baby

Turbo

Shark Tale

Antz

Spirit Untamed

(i watched these movies all out of order and for the longest time i thought nothing would dethrone shark tale as the worst of the worst, but i really did hate antz and spirit untamed that much, which surprised me lmao)

again, if i called your favorite movie bad, that really just means it's not enjoyable to me personally--i'm no professional film critic. also, i feel like the tiers came out sort of weirdly even, and i ended up with 21 movies in S-B tiers and 25 movies in C-F tiers, which really speaks to the inconsistency of dreamworks as a studio. i plan to try and keep up with their releases from now on, so i do hope that kung fu panda 4 & orion and the dark turn out well... but dreamworks keeps doing shit like releasing prince of egypt right after antz or putting out ruby gillman right after puss in boots: the last wish, so i guess we'll see! i'm just glad that i can currently say i've seen basically every movie from this ridiculous studio.

#tbh right after posting this i already thought maybe i should adjust the B tier a bit #like wallace and gromit and maaaybe captain underpants could probably go above the trolls movies #and KFP 1 could possibly go above PIB 1 #but idk. i'm not messing with it anymore.#also i'm sorry about el dorado's placement. it's just really not my thing.

6 notes · View notes

elibean · 8 months

Text

well this anime season is ending with a lot less shows than i thought it would, lol

there were SO MANY "ok i'll check out the first episode at least" shows on my list this season and i dropped most of them xD

shy-- cute, but nothing particularly stood out to me. also it would've hit way harder if the classmate ACTUALLY died. oh no she was a little more injured than the rest of them. boohoo

bullbuster-- i'm a sucker for anime originals, and this is pa works, right? ah no i'm way off lol it's NUT, same ones who did...deca-dence, i think? yeah, and i loved that one that was fun. but i just generally don't care about mechas, and this wasn't doing anything to really stand out from others shows, so

shangri-la-- ok everyone was praising the HELL out of this beforehand, like they really liked the source material. the first episode was...fine? it just seems like a straightforward "guy gets really into a vr game" thing lol, like maybe sao but without the impending doom. the animation was nice, but there was nothing there to really grab me.

100 girlfriends-- again people were praising the source material here, so i thought maybe i'd enjoy it, even though i usually don't bother with harem or romance. i thought maybe this'd be different. it wasn't. some of the jokes got a snort out of me, but nothing like super amazing. and the heteronormative thing that he can only be in love with girls was annoying lol

i think that's it out of what i tried and dropped. so what i'm following, sequels notwithstanding--

telepath-- ok the premise is really dumb, what high school girl would HONESTLY make a whole dream about ~meeting aliens~. i think younger me would have been more invested in this kind of thing BUT the forehead touch was super cute, and this IS tagged under "girls' love" so i'm....hoping. please. give me like a smooch or something please

yuzuki-san-- awful subs aside, this seemed really cute and promising. nothing groundbreaking, but endearing and i love stories about families.

frieren-- i'm not gonna say it's a masterpiece but like. easily aots, no contest lol. incredible, even if predictable. the idea of her retracing her steps is really interesting, too. and it's a cool storytelling thing to have us retroactively see her journey along the way-- that's just really fun. i'm not sure how i feel about the goal of getting to talk to her dead friend again. it feels like it kind of cheapens what she's trying to do, in a way? unsure, i feel like they might be able to pull it off in a satisfying way, though. i love the idea of her trying to grow and become more empathetic-- that's really interesting. this one deserves all the praise it's getting.

aaaand that's it, again minus sequels. small season, compared to what i thought it'd be lol

#text post #long post #no one cares but anyway

10 notes · View notes

quillyfied · 27 days

Text

Hellaverse Theories: Helluva Boss S2E7

Welcome to Quilly’s Hellaverse Theories, where I overthink the entire Hellaverse! And we are here, at the final episode of the first half of Helluva Boss season 2, and this is a very good episode, but might not have much to work with in terms of predicting how future episodes are gonna go (with one potentially Very Large exception). Just the Millie and Sallie May short to go (maybe) and then I’ll be done making these posts! At least until the new episodes release! :P

Here we go, s2e7!

Getting to see teen Blitzo and Fizz is such a treat. Getting to see Mammon is less of a treat (but still a treat, because he’s a gem of a villain). So significant too to see Blitzo seeing right through all of Mammon’s bullshit…while Fizz is completely taken in. Poor kid. It’s hard to acknowledge your heroes are shit sometimes.

Blitzo’s had a protective streak in him from the beginning, huh? I’ll bet money it comes from his relationship with his mom. Why do I feel like a Freudian psychologist saying that?? Anyway. Poor Fizz being freaked out by aggressive fans. It can be really hard to know how to deal with them, because on the one hand, thanks for liking my stuff, but on the other hand…please stop, you’re violating my boundaries and it’s uncomfortable at best. (I say as if I have any personal experience in this lol)

(…I could use a wait in line for you Fizzie, actually :P)

Fizzarolli having a Fizzarolli-sized vanity at Ozzie’s penthouse. I WANT THEM TO GET MARRIED ON THE SHOW OKAY.

Blitzo and Ozzie working together on Team Protect Fizz is the best premise for an episode. (Also, to add onto my “IMP and Stolas are going to get legally fucked” theory, it’s another long-standing dream of mine to also have Ozzie come in as a character witness for Blitzo, because having two Sins to have his back would be certainly something fame-inducing for an imp. And also Fizz would probably do the Eyes until Oz agreed.)

THE WAY BLITZO IS EATING HIS CEREAL WITH A GIANT CHEESY GRIN LIKE HE’S NEVER HAD A MENTAL ILLNESS IN HIS LIFE. MY FAVORITE LITTLE BIT.

File it right along with Ozzie’s goofy little grin when Blitzo says he’s in.

I also need to put Fizzarolli’s incredulous little eye-roll when Blitzo shows how deep in denial he is about Stolas next to Blitzo’s very incredulous glare at how Fizz lets Mammon treat him. LIFELONG FRIENDS ARE A GIFT AND A CURSE.

Glitz and Glam are really cool design-wise, and absolute trash fires personality-wise. They and Mammon deserve each other :P (Fugly imp LEMME AT ‘EM LEMME AT ‘EM)

So. The whole thing is a clown pageant. And they have to end…with a musical number? Ooookay. Listen I’m not exactly complaining, because Klown Bitch and Two Minute’s Notice are both BANGERS, but. Uh. Why??

Y’know, the spider motifs make sense, but why all the sunken ships? What does that have to do with anything clowny or greedy? Maybe sunken treasure? Is that a thing?

WOAH HEY. Think I finally saw a hellhound hybrid! Little kid hellhound with imp-striped ears. So. Huh. That answers my earlier question about if hellhounds also interbreed with other Hellborn demons. Nice.

I remember getting really surprised and then emotional at the sign language scene with the kid. Listen, the Hellaverse isn’t perfect. But it does do things like this scene that feel groundbreaking, and that’s not nothing. Normalizing so many things—queerness, disability, trauma, the messy side of personal growth—that’s not nothing, either. It’s kind of amazing that these shows get to exist, y’know? (And especially while so many other groundbreaking shows, especially queer shows, are getting the shaft. OFMD, my beloved, taken far too soon)

It feels significant that Fizz’s detractor here is the same one he encountered years before. Like. Fizz is famous, he’s going to have a lot of people who don’t like him, but the fact that the loudest negative voice in his ears outside of his own (and Mammon’s) is this same shitwipe who made him feel small and terrible even as a kid? That it’s JUST this guy? This one vocal but singular guy? Feels a bit like a metaphor.

Blitzo assessing the situation and finding it less important to make a violent bloody mess and more important to show Fizz that he has support—and then catch him when he starts to faint—good friending. No notes.

I also notice how much Fizz starts clutching the ruff when he’s really upset. Makes a lot of sense to see it gone in the s2.5 trailer. He looks so much happier out of full jester costume and in something that I sincerely hope I’m gonna see in stores one day (RAINBOW. PAINTS. ASYMMETRICAL RAINBOW PANTS. I WANT THEM).

(Hee. Someone messed up. Blitzo is in his regular assassin gear for the conversation where he calls Mammon a trash fire, then back to the black tie bodyguard outfit later. Sometimes…animation errors are funny.)

You know how we know Blitzo is a good friend? He knows when to call in the cavalry. And he and Ozzie are working as a team on this one, so it’s good that Blitzo tags him in. Because as much as Blitzo and Fizzarolli have history…they don’t have the same connection that Fizzarolli and Asmodeus do. Maybe they could have, but that train passed. Their connection is good, but still kinda fragile, has a giant fifteen-year gap in it. And in that gap…Ozzie filled in (not an intentional dirty joke but I will not be changing my wording). Ozzie saw Fizz at his best and was allowed to see Fizz at his most fragile, and their bond is powerful with mutual support and love for each other even at their most messy. It’s significant to me that before Ozzie walks in, Fizz almost has himself calmed down just by looking into a mirror gifted to him by Oz. When he’s about to blow his top in the last episode after Blitzo calls him a pampered attention whore, he looks down at his leash and is reminded that Oz loves him. Fizz pulled himself back up when he got injured, but having Asmodeus for a support pillar is nothing to sneeze at. Blitzo can’t be emotionally vulnerable unless his loved ones’ lives are on the line. Oz is different; he and Fizz have more open communication with each other than that. And they both need that.

Because when Fizz pulls off his jester cap? It’s the first time we the audience see the full extent of the damage Fizz still lives with. But it is NOT the first time Oz has seen it. And Oz is sure to tell Fizz that he loves him, crooked horns and all. (Gosh, Fizz going “I know you believe in me but it’s so hard to trust that sometimes” KILL ME)

Hang on have to sob my way through this musical number. Have I mentioned how sweet Fizz and Oz are?

I also notice that when Fizz and Oz kiss, they don’t do the tongue thing that nearly every other couple that kisses in the Hellaverse does. The scene is better for it, I think; it keeps it sweet.

(In this case. They might do the tongue thing in later episodes.)

…Blitzo you KNEW they were together already XD But I suppose it’s different getting the confirmation. Especially when you were the one on the receiving end of their joint lambasting for your audacity to go on a date with a demon prince a few months before and it might have thrown a giant emotional wrench into that developing relationship, thanks for that by the way. (No, really, thanks; it was brutal but started the much-needed process of these two morons finally starting to communicate more honestly.)

TIME FOR TWO MINUTE’S NOTICE PLEASE EXCUSE ME.

(Ozzie being Lucifer’s fire dancer makes sense with what he hands Fizzie for this musical number, y’know.)

(This music number is so much more triumphant for Fizz, knowing that both Oz and Blitzo are there backing him up and supporting him. I’m EMOTIONAL.)

(Also, listen, them not going for the obvious “fat sack of shit” and instead going “sad sack of shit” to insult Mammon is appreciated. Would be more appreciated if all the fat characters in the Hellaverse so far weren’t mostly villains or antagonists. There’s such amazing character design in this world, but we can’t have more main fat characters??)

Listen. Fizz knows that Ozzie is there to back him up. But can we admire the absolute adamantium spine on this imp for standing up to not just a Sin, but a Sin in his larger, more aggressive, more imposing form?? The same Sin that he’s been taking shit from for almost a decade? GO FIZZAROLLI GO. HOPE HE STARTS HIS OWN CIRCUS OR CLOWN PAGEANT SOMETIME SOON.

Hey! Wally Wackford! I missed him! Also a very tiny imp! Nice!

ALL OF HELL ALREADY KNEW IT AND IT’S GOING VIRAL. Nice way to take the wind out of Mammon’s sails. HOWEVER. The warning he leaves is pretty ominous. Especially given how gleeful he looks in the s2.5 trailer. It reminds me a lot of the warning that Stella gives Stolas, when she tells him “you have fallen from what little grace you had, and I know you’ll pay for it.” And it sure does appear to be that there’s a trial going on, and Satan telling someone they’re a disgrace, and there’s a good shot that he's talking to Asmodeus and the trial is for Stolas. Like. These aren’t empty threats. They’re gonna come to some sort of fruition. Because they are committing social sins by loving the lowest of the low. And that sucks and shouldn’t be, but it IS. I just can’t wait to see how they all handle the shitstorm that’s brewing.

AGAIN THO HOW DOES BEE GET TO HAVE VORTEX WITHOUT ANY KIND OF REPERCUSSIONS?? NO HIDING, NO MEDIA CIRCUS—WTF??

Oz does look kinda confused at Mammon’s warning, though. That’s something.

Blitzo, getting in the last word, classy as ever. Love that for him XD

Okay. I’m caught up. I’ve wrapped up all my theories, I’ve squealed about all the character interactions, I’ve analyzed the shows to death (so far). Probably gonna do the short, just because it’s there, but if there’s nothing there to really analyze…eh. Might leave it alone. Thanks so much for going with me on this journey! Can’t wait for the rest of season 2 and beyond!!

#quilly's hellaverse theories #helluva boss #helluva boss spoilers #quilly writing

3 notes · View notes

alantea87 · 3 months

Text

So, I’ve clocked my first 24 hours with the Nokia 2660 Flip. Truly a flip-you to my iPhone and its addicting qualities. Nothing groundbreaking to use a dumb-phone, but I wanted to challenge myself again to rejoin reality and reconnect with my friends and family properly… by stripping back my use of technology to its bare essentials.

Why…

After many months of wanting to pull away from social media, WhatsApp and iOS, I was apprehensive yet elated at the very idea. What about the memes? Thirst posts? Corgis? I’d miss them all. But much needed clarity came crashing in: my iPhone had become my adult pacifier (or dummy for us Brits). Using your smartphone during times of boredom, times of stress, or times of wanting connection has become a habit of many. And, I was no exception. Especially the doom-scrolling for hours on end after work. Luckily, after some realisation… my emotions were at the mercy of this bloody thing. Not to mention the continued horrors of witnessing violence or harassment on Instagram reels - content like this seemingly slipping through censorship safeguards. I had enough and wanted to go back simpler times, even at the dismay of others. I finally bought my second dumb-phone in two years, but this time it was far more usable (bigger buttons, predictive texts, foldable display). I wanted to really try much harder in having an iPhone-less life, even if it created a touch more inconvenience.

Neck-deep…

Sometimes I feel that tech companies invent inconveniences in order to sell more solutions directly to you. And as someone who used to work at Apple’s Regent Street store years back (when the first iPhone was launched, mind you), Apple has turned into a capitalist nightmare. I miss their earlier days of really creating a tech solution to improve your life. Now it’s all about that coin and I forget I am neck-deep in their eco system and feel like I’m drowning in their “YOU’RE MY ELITE EMPLOYEE” energy, so I feel I have to keep on buying more. Yes, the integration of all of their devices work incredibly well. But sometimes I feel that innovation doesn’t always address your ability to connect (naturally) with other people. In fact, my self and a lot of my friends (at my age), now feel that modern technology hinders deep, meaningful connections e.g. good old face-to-face conversations in the real world. I think as a millennial (and listen up gen z), I forget that conversation in person is incredibly nuanced: one has to balance tone, emotion, inflection and practice patience. It involves drama and full expression - hands, legs and otherwise! Real connection. No avatars, no emojis, no hiding. Worst case scenario, make a phone call and use your voice. Having said that, I will have to practice what I preach now that it’s much harder to write big messages via SMS on an alphanumeric keypad, lol. I’m more likely to text “can I call you in a bit instead?”.

Current tech hoes…

I have in fact have not fully compromised my relationship with tech. I am using an iPad for emails and internet. Plus, I have resorted to using my Apple Watch as a “mp3 player” paired with my AirPods Pro 2s. I forgot that if you have an Apple Music sub, you can download songs/albums/playlists directly to your Apple Watch via Wi-Fi etc. Perfect for the gym and the commute. Because I am sure as hell that I won’t be touching those dodgy Temu-like music players on Amazon. Frankly, they look like they would crumble in your hand and would be carcinogenic. Remember guys, tech companies have turned once a useful tool (the smartphone) into a slot-machine in your hand. Your emotions are being played with and sometimes I did enjoy aspects of that (memes, targeted videos/content etc) but I say: no bloomin more. For now. Lol. Famous last words. I’m going to try and do two weeks minimum with my Nokia 2660 and see how I survive.

Challenges to expect…

Unlike the Nokia 2680 Flip (only sold in North America, I think) as a fancier operating system that allows WhatsApp and a stripped down version of Google Maps. GPS navigation on that version of the 2660 apparently works alright, but you wouldn’t be able to use it in car for driving (I don’t drive anyway). But my main concern about using a feature phone is that lack of mapping. And I chronically get lost in London, despite being born and raised in Hackney/Islington. So I do plan to use my iPhone (loaded up with a data eSIM) to use it like it was a good old TomTom. Sorry gen z, these were old standalone GPS screen/devices you retrofitted in your car. But only if I plan on going somewhere totally new. Otherwise, I will try and relearn the bus network (within reason, lol) and tube map relative to my needs. I kinda miss those days of printing out directions and/or relying on your actual brain to problem solve and to get your bearings. Other things I may or may not miss out on: QR code scanning/presenting, tube/weather updates, voice notes.

Final words…

Scaling back to a dumb-phone has actually already reduced my levels of anxiety, sense of disconnect or being part of comparison culture. The very act of adding in your contacts manually one-by-one like the 90s/2000s into a cellphone was quite therapeutic despite its novelty. I think you can import a vCard, but couldn’t be arsed. *Carrie Bradshaw voice* But then I thought to myself (as I typed each contact into my Nokia keypad): damn boy… do I only really have three (actual) friends?

Two books I am currently reading and recommend.

#Nokia #nokia2660flip #dumbphone #digitalminimalism #social media #sherry turtle #cal Newport #tech

5 notes · View notes

magicalara · 1 year

Text

The Story of Grelle the Reaper: A review by yours truly prt 3

Hello hello my lovely theorists (totally didn't steal that from matpat, I'm Em Gem)! Welcome to part 3 of my analyzation of The Story of Grelle the Reaper by the lovely and amazing @eemoo1o-animoo. If you haven't seen parts 1 and 2 where I go over the prelude and chapter 1, you can go here for the prelude and here for chapter 1! Fair warning, they're a mess. Even this is kinda a mess, but it's okay, we get through it.

I have been messaging with Ell throughout the majority of my analyzations so keep in mind that even in my works there are some little hints here and there, though nothing too groundbreaking. I am a reader myself so I don't know nor would want to know the whole story lol.

Do keep the trigger warnings for the story in its tags in mind, Section 2 deals with some heavy stuff from my own personal life and just with Grell/e in general, though I explain this more in the precursory paragraph to that section so you are warned beforehand. Enjoy!

Chapter 2 is out, it’s great, it hits me in the feelings so much and is just all around amazing. If you haven’t read it, go do so first because while I will still go though this analysis like I did previously where it’s side-by-side, the chapter needs to be read and soaked in first. There’s heavy ideals here, especially at the end so take the time to go through and read the chapter on its own and then come back over here. …You read it? Good, alright let’s get this show on the road then!

So this chapter is 6k words worth of happiness until it gets worse and isn’t happy anymore and then I start to tear up because Ell is mean /j. There isn’t really weather to comment on at the start here so I’m gonna take this time to correct myself on some things from my Chapter 1 analysis, specifically the pigs and hands.

So for Chapter 1, there’s a whole part where I talk about what pig’s blood means and I was completely wrong. So I’m gonna correct it now. In the Book of Circus episode that Ell referred me to, I overlooked Grelle calling Beast an “ugly old sow” as just a one-off thing when really that’s what I should have focused on. Calling a woman a “sow” is an insult and so when the word “sow” is used, it’s supposed to refer to an actual woman, not an actual pig. I think too literally sometimes and it leads to my demise and the destruction of my mind when everything clicks. At this point, I’d like to point you to the Prelude when Grelle has sow’s blood on her…yeah…my mind went SHSDJHAKA too. So now we know that Grellie is gonna go murder someone at some point right before she dies and I can’t tell if I’m excited for it or not.

The other thing was the hands that I had said in my Chapter 1 analysis I couldn’t get at 10 PM running on little sleep, but was later told to me to be like a comparison to show how big they are. It's a dysphoria thing. Because you know men are like “bigger” and he notices how big his hands are in comparison to hers so Grell don’t like it.

Oh! Also the name Grell means bright like as in smart so when George and unnamed man who isn’t unnamed anymore says he takes after his name, it’s a compliment, they’re calling him smart. I think that’s all and if not, then you’ll hear about it in Chapter 3’s analysis.

In the last analysis, I did over six thousand words of paragraph analysis. I will do my best to not do that again. I’ve been suggested to try bullet points. I will be trying bullet points. If I exceed the word count of this chapter once again, I will…I don’t know I’ll do something (maybe finally do the next chapter of forever forgiveness that’d be nice huh) So let’s go on and see how bullet points go. This analysis will be broken down into two sections this time, mother/son bonding and The Mirror Scene™, fyi. Okay let’s go

Section 1: Mother/Son Bonding

Descriptions and cinematography

This is just in general but I still wanna point it out, Ell has an amazing way of describing things that make the whole story cinematographic almost. I’m one of those people who can’t see pictures in their mind, like I think in words. When reading tsogtr, though, I can see it. It’s new for me, that’s why I’m pointing it out. Just while you’re reading, really take the time to imagine everything because, especially later like with The Mirror Scene™ I can see it and there’s like a whole movie playing in my head and I love it.

Small Room

This just adds to me the whole idea of Friedrich specifically viewing Grell as a child. You could argue that Hilary is the same way, but I think her viewing Grell as a child is more of in a motherly “that’s my baby; always has been, always will be” kind of way while Friedrich is more of a “he’s a child who needs to grow up” kind of way. The fact that Grell’s room is small isn’t just mentioned here, it’s also later on, but I’ll go into that later.

Bullying and Hilary’s kind words and gestures

Hilary loves her son, her baby, and I will say that to my grave. Her gestures and words give off so much warmth and love in this whole scene and it’s just so apparent. Rather than scolding Grell for forgetting things (like a certain someone might have), she sees that he’s upset and that something might have happened. She doesn’t demand it of him, she doesn’t get upset at his lack of words, she sees her child, her baby, struggling and wants to help. She knows of the bullying that was mentioned in the past, and she’s worried for Grell. Hilary’s patient with him, even while he’s stuttering out his words. She has probably always been a safe space for Grell and the way that she just sits with him and lets him take his time shows it so well.

“...as though a spectre was afoot.”

Well… it’s not a ghost…But it is a reaper! :D Okay sorry I’m not funny continuing

George and Keats

Authors huh. I don’t know which George this is about, I’m gonna go with Orwell because I hate Animal Farm but it’s ingrained into me thanks to high school. Keats, I’m gonna imagine him as the physical embodiment of Keats the snake because I think it’s funny. There’s no reason to mention this part of the commentary, I’m just putting it in because I can. George and Keats aren’t important and I’ll be thoroughly surprised if they show up again

They are, in my mind, a form of “and they were roommates” because they’re always described as a pair. So yeah. And they were roommates.

I think it’s a little interesting that the two stopped visiting as much after Grell was born. There’s reference to it and after better confirmation, I think it’s worth mentioning that Hilary is heavily alluded to having been a prostitute before Grell was born. With how George and Keats said that she was always a pleasure to see (and considering that Grell probably didn’t understand because I don’t think he knows), they most likely were…frequent employers…to our favorite momma. So once Grell was born, that would explain why they would only talk to Friedrich at the bar. They don’t see Hilary anymore because they’ve moved on and it’s probably awkward to see the accidental child that is Grell Sutcliff.

Hilary throwing hands

Grell is very prone to overthinking to the point where his worries turn into little scenes that he sees in his head. He’s very anxious and the fact that this is something that’s happened twice in the same day really shows that. (Yes it is the same day, the talk with Friedrich from the beginning of the last chapter happened the morning of this day that’s here. The time is ambiguous, but I imagine that this conversation happens sometime between like 4-5 pm.)

Anyways, momma Hilary would 100% throw hands for Grell

“You know what I see?”

(This encompasses the parts from Grell explaining the roommates calling him like his father and beyond, I just used the quote because I liked it for this section of the section) We already know why Grell was uncomfortable and all, so all to right before the quote I put up there is just reaffirming it and showing how he invalidates his feelings, even to someone who clearly cares.

I think Hilary knows that Grell isn’t himself, not necessarily in a trans way but more in a I just need to show him that he isn’t his father and is his own person who needs more confidence kind of way. Either way, now starts my favorite scene in this whole chapter where Hilary’s just making Grell feel better and highlighting all of like his features in a way that she knows will make him feel better and I wanted to cry reading this. Anyways, she’s just making him feel better in that way that good mommas do with their kids. (Grell has green eyes idk how to insert this but he does and that might come up again once he isn’t a he anymore and really goes into that “damage cliff” stuff iykyk). She goes on and affirms that they’re “like dawn and dusk” and that they love him. As for her basically calling them two sides of the same coin, obviously Friedrich is gonna end up as a catalyst for Grell/e’s anger and I think that that can be seen as foreshadowing in a way for it.

Where did the fried egg (Friedrich; get it, fried egg, fried rich, eggs are expensive in the US right now among other things, eh, eh. It’s okay I’m not funny) go

He’s on a summons. In a noble’s manor. The next town over. Now I’m not saying that this will be important (that’s exactly what I’m saying) and it’s totally not because I know too much about the future of this story (I know a lot about the future of this story). Just. This is foreshadowing, just keep that in mind. The fried egg also told Hilary about Grell losing the job with fish and she’s plenty more supportive than the egg about it and shows as such by brushing over it and continuing on.

“I’ve always believed the eyes were the windows to the soul. Everybody’s are different, darling.”

We have more foreshadowingggg. And also sadness. First, “eyes are the windows to the soul”, is a little ironic considering that Grell is about to lose his soul at some point soon. Second, “Everybody’s are different”, until you’ve killed yourself and are dead 🥰

Okay but no actually like it’s interesting that this is something that Hilary brings up, especially in a series where eyes mean so much both in tsogtr and kuro in general. Like demons have reddish tinted eyes and full on red when they’re in demon mode, reapers have the double green, Ciel has his demon contract in his eye. Eyes really do show the soul or lack thereof and while, yes, this is just a usual metaphor that’s been said for a long time and doesn’t have a literal meaning, but in this case it can be both and that’s interesting.

Baby Grell

He was a little shit. At least in Friedrich’s pov he probably was.

Also just imagine Grell as a naked ass child running around to not go into the bath like it’s just funny and adorable at the same time. I can imagine him doing it since he was baby baby and I don’t like kids but Grell can be the exception

✨ Makeup ✨

It’s a nice moment between them and one that gives me hope that Hilary will accept Grelle. Due to the time period, it’s still not a huge chance, but a chance nonetheless and I will hold on to it like my life depends on it. And Grell putting the lip paint on his mother makes it feel warmer too like it’s just a nice time.

Okay part 1 of Section 1 done. It’s shorter than I thought it was gonna be, so like, that’s a win for me. There wasn’t much to analyze here (there was another mention of pigs and they have become an arch enemy for me but it literally means nothing. eventually bees will join this list, but that’s to be talked about in another chapter). Oh yeah and I say part 1 because I combined two scenes into one section this is just my little interlude for it. Take a break, get some water, get a snack. Okay let’s continue.

Bread making

More wholesomeness. As a baker, this scene makes me very happy, especially because they made a competition out of it and I just folded at that. Someone come do this with me, we’ll make whatever sweets you want it doesn’t have to be bread I’ve made many things before so we can do it I’m open to literally anyone. Let’s make a platonic discord date out of it we can bake on call together. (That’s all mostly /j like unless we have open communication that’s just me being lonely)

ANYWAYS THAT WAS A BIG DIGRESSION

She gave him a big smooch :( /pos I love them so much you have no idea Ell if you hurt Hilary I’ll stop analyzing this story /j

I can’t say anything about Grell because we know where that’s going

Dancey Dance

I’m pretty sure “junge” means boy in German so Grell calling his mother that is funny to me because she probably doesn’t speak it either and so would never notice and it shows how bad he is at German despite his father calling him that in the morning. Silly Grell, it’s okay we’ll always love you. Edit: All of that is not as intended…there’s my interpretation but it isn’t meant to be like that it’s more the two making fun of Friedrich. So yeah.

More memories of dancey dancing but Hilary brings up how Grell’s grown up so fast. She says “You just loved me too much to leave” which, in context, is about how Grell was overdue in his birth, but is also just really making the foreshadowing about the inevitable really hurt more. This goes even further when she says how “the place would be empty without you.” Grell is the heart that’s kept Hilary going these years and she loves him just as much as he her, probably even moreso. Let’s be real here, Grell was not a baby who was created on purpose. Hilary was a prostitute, and a young one at that. She isn’t older than 45 which, if you do the math seeing as Grell is 27, means that she had him at MOST at 18. The estimated age is around 15-18. Friedrich is obviously older, having been probably around 21ish when Grell was born and is now in his late 40s (48-50). Grell was not made on purpose so for Hilary to have gone through with the pregnancy so young and immediately going on to marrying the man she had a baby with must have been a lot for her. It’s not like she would’ve had many options but to keep Grell but still. We all know the Circus arc, abandoning kids isn’t far off and she could’ve easily done the same. Grell kept her going and so when the inevitable Cliff Scene™, as I am now dubbing it, comes along, I know that I won’t be able to resist thinking about Hilary when she eventually learns of her baby’s death. End scene.

I said it didn’t I? I said I’d make things shorter. And I have delivered. (Future Em here: the whole thing is 4.5k words. Which technically is shorter so I do win ha) The thing is, now we’re on to the Mirror Scene. If you are reading both this and the story side by side, now is the time when I tell you to stop, go read the scene properly, and then come back. Trust me, you’ll need it. The Mirror Scene™ is one that’s full of heavy, heavy feelings and ideology that hit me hard. There are trigger warnings for nudity and dysphoria, and they should be taken into account before reading. This is an important scene towards setting up Grelle and will be coming back in the future. I am not transgender individual and so if I say something that is in bad taste or offensive, please do not hesitate to let me know. In this section, I also talk about my own struggles from being a kid and now with how I perceive myself, so be warned of that. It starts right after the paragraph about Grell turning the mirror around. If there is one thing I could ask of everyone, it’s to be kind to me about that part and if you don’t wanna see it, don’t read it. But let me talk about it for my own sake. With that being said:

Section 2: The Mirror Scene

I’m going back to paragraphs, this isn’t a bullet point endeavor. So the scene opens and Grellie’s having a bath. We got the setup and we get a reiteration of how small Grell’s room is. Most importantly in this description is that where he bathes gives a direct path to his reflection.

This reflection is the whole thing which sets up the scene. It’s generally something that happens to a lot of people where they become insecure at what they see in the mirror, whether because of just general insecurity pushed by beauty ideals, or something which takes root in the mind and festers and grows into something much worse. The latter of this is true for Grell. He perceives himself in his mind much differently from how he looks in real life. Grell isn’t the perfect self he sees in his mind. Again, this is something that a lot of people feel, but for him, it’s much deeper than that. He knows what he wants to see, the perfect self in his mind, however knows that that will never be him. Grell, in his mind, can never be the person who he always sees in himself, almost as if he’s locked away in a cage of who he is on the outside. The light might seem so close and the corners of the room he’s in are visible in the near pitch black, but it never gets closer nor further away. It’s a detachment from the mind yet also something that is ever present in the corners of it. This anxiety and these feelings are described as a God-given punishment and a “flesh-eating disease” in a fitting way which shows the internalized turmoil he feels from feeling this way. I asked Ell about Hilary not having aborted Grell and she had told me about how, before Grell, Hilary wasn’t as connected to religion but that after she is somewhat religious. Grell also says how he’s read biblical verses in school (though it is said “unwillingly” which suggests that neither Hilary or Friedrich cared much about having Grell submit to a religion). Obviously he knows about the whole idea that “God doesn’t make mistakes” and so to be feeling that he, in the body he was gifted and blessed with, is not his true self is a high sin. It’s the disease that eats away at his brain, the sin which keeps him from being true. Even with Hilary letting him try things for fun at times or if Friedrich was more open to it, Grell has that internalized turmoil of what he has been taught versus what he is.

Then we get to the rituals he would do to lessen his, let’s be honest, dysphoria (there is also the dysmorphia which is implied but the two tend to go hand-in-hand sometimes so I’ll touch on it more as the scene progresses but in a general sense, what Grell is feeling dysphoric). He starts slow with just turning the mirror around which seems like a pretty good idea. He doesn't have to perceive his true being when clothed or when naked and you know what that sounds like a pretty good deal. Except then he gets asked about it and oh shit I need an excuse and oh fuck I’m not a good liar and I can’t really tell people the real reason I’m doing this and uh uh uh I need a new solution.

Something I wanna intercept this stream with here is the image of Grell having panic attacks in his room. It’s small, we know this, I keep bringing it up and so like unless he goes and has his attacks (because you cannot tell me that Grell Sutcliff has never had a case of semi-frequent panic attacks he literally had one in the first chapter and felt so much anxiety about his new job before that he ended up throwing up) on his bed, the floor is the only option. With the layout we were given, I bet you that the floor he’d have these attacks on were- wouldn’t you know it- right in front of that damn mirror. So while he’s already feeling bad, I want you to imagine Grell sitting on his floor facing the mirror or being able to at least see himself in the mirror at some point in the midst of a panic attack. And all those thoughts of his dysphoria coming in to join the party. But I digress.

Next solution, wear a shirt over yourself. The thinking for why he does it is much different than what I’m gonna compare it to, but I’m gonna do it anyway. When I first read this part, I was immediately thrown back into little Em’s mind when they used to go to the pool with their friends and were always told that they had to wear a large shirt over themselves in order to go swimming. For those who don’t know, this is something that a lot of parents do to cover up their children’s bodies from pervs, however, I, at the ripe age of 10 and even beyond to now at 19, have never been a skinny kid. I was always the fat kid and not the fat where you just developed early and wow look it’s the 12 year old with boobs (though that too), I was the fat kid who was told by my relatives to stop wearing short sleeved shirts because my arms were too fat to make it look right or to stop wearing shorts because my thighs were too big. I still keep that ideology to this day as I reach 20 this year and have not owned a pair of shorts since I was 11. Anyways, Grell wearing a shirt to bathe in reminded me of all of this because that’s what I would do. I’d wear a shirt in the shower, to the pool, and I’m sure if I ever went to a waterpark, I’d wear it there too. This isn’t all for analysis purposes that I’m mentioning this, rather it’s because this is a part which I, Em, the author of this post, hi, hello, how’s it going, resonated with very much so. I mentioned in the little disclaimer before this part, I am not a transgender individual. But for those who were following me up until like two weeks ago know, I recently changed my pronouns and while I don’t have a label for myself quite yet, this part with Grell using a nightshirt to cover himself as a way to not have to be perceived even if it’s just be himself, calling it an “unremovable suit of man’s skin”, and saying how he has a “loathing for his own form” hit me in a place I didn’t need to be hit (/hj). I heavily considered not mentioning my own feelings about this part, but to do so would be a disservice to myself, to the little girl who I once was, and to the character who has helped me through some of these feelings. And, of course, to all of the other people who may or may not see this post, read what I said, and think to themselves “I’m not alone.” I hope you enjoyed looking a bit more into who I am as a person and why I am who I am because I sure didn’t (/j). If anyone ever needs someone to talk to, please, please, please never hesitate to reach out to me. I will always be there as best I can for those who need it. /gen

Anyways, that sad stuff is over, so let’s get back into the sad stuff that we came here for :D The delusion that the shirt will help, even if just for the moment, and the idea that maybe one day, just maybe, things will change overnight, is such a hurtful thought. Partly because the delusion and false hope of it all can just cause more harm and disappointment as time goes on but also because it’s just sad. Grell is stuck in this endless cycle and because of his internalized fears, the cycle is destined to never end. He studies himself, as if he’s an external being rather than the body that inhabits his brain. He convinces himself he’s sick. Someone who would be locked away as delusional. He hides his thoughts of her away in fear of what could happen lest he make herself truly known.

Describing her body, she doesn’t connect much to herself really. Sure, Grelle may deem it as “his limbs” or even “his penis” but it’s as she says, it’s not a combination of words which resonates with her. That isn’t her body that she sees, yet she’s still faced with the unfortunate reality that she is connected to it. Scars might be easy to conceal, but the weight will always remain. Disfigurement might not make the essential bane of her existence go away, but it can conceal some of it. Alternatively, the scar of her penis is one which is too big to conceal properly, no matter how much she may try. It’s there. She can try and get rid of it, but the scar will always remain, figuratively and literally in the case of bottom surgery.

Then we get to the apex of the mirror scene- Grell’s art skills. Okay no but seriously, Grell lets Grelle take over here as she draws out herself while, internally, Grell is almost panicking, coming to full terms with what is really going on. He sees herself; the her who has always been in the back of his mind, plaguing his inner thoughts of his perception versus his reality. He sees who she is for the first time visually, properly, in the real world. And she loves it. She doesn’t see herself as ugly, she sees herself as her. Grelle is finally seeing what she was always missing for the past 27 years.

And then reality comes back.

The big takeaway besides the obvious reveal and realization of Grelle versus Grell is the fact that he never erased the image. One could argue “oh but he does it later”; does he random person?? Does he really?? Because I think that in the abrupt snap from Grelle to Grell, I don’t think he does. I think he’s gonna finish getting dressed, and then go back to the kitchen and leave the mirror as it is with the image of Grelle on it. I think that this is going to cause problems. Hell, I know this is gonna cause problems. But that, dear friends, is something which will be properly revealed in the next chapter of The Story of Grelle the Reaper. Until next time. (*in a matpat voice* But hey, that’s just a theory, a Grelle theory, thanks for reading. Sorry, I had to lol.)

~~~

There is so much to love about this story from the way it's written, to the relationships between the characters, to how much detail is being paid attention to here. If you'd like to be tagged, feel free to leave an ask or a reply and I will gladly add you to the taglist for the analysisisis that I do on tsogtr. And if you have any of your own theories or comments, leave those too! I'd love to start a section where we can talk about all of our theories, especially as things pick up more and more. Until next chapter!

Taglist: @hobbit-in-kuroshitsuji @superjelly11

#the story of grelle the reaper #tsogtr #em's analysis #em's recs #em's obsessions #kuroshitsuji #kuroshitsuji grelle #kuroshitsuji grell #black butler #black butler grell #black butler grelle #grelle sutcliff #grell sutcliff #analysis #fic analysis

15 notes · View notes

biggestthighestgeminiest · 2 years

Text

just thinking about buffy in 2022

Being a fan of Buffy rn is like. I wish I were there when it was coming out live. I'm so devastated that I can watch it knowing all the fucked up things that took place on set and within the show itself. I want to rewatch it. I can't because I won't be able to experience The Body again for a long, long time. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm so emotional and overjoyed that I watched it when I was a teenager. As an adult revisiting it, the genius of it sends me into whiplash. And the aggravating parts send me into a rage, (feeling guilty, guilty). I wish it were produced now with a better chance at exploring intersectional feminism, removing the cringe and anger-inducing oppressive and discriminatory under/overcurrents (is overcurrents a word), being created in a kinder, healthier working environment, delving deeper into more and more of the characters and giving those like Kendra the spotlight and more character development and joy that they deserve. I'm so thankful it came about when it did because it needed to. It had to happen then and there. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't fathom what the fans would have been like if it came out now. I get emotional thinking about how well crafted the characters were. And how bad it felt when they didn't act like themselves. They were complex. They were written based on the whims of a man driven by his awful huge ego. I wish I could go to the Bronze. Growing up is going from being in love with Spike/Faith (or Angel I guess but that wasnt me lol) to realizing that Giles was RIGHT THERE. I need to read the comics. I need to read all the film theory and literature and everything surrounding this show. But also if I take in anymore I think I'll burst. The fashion. And eurgh, the fashion? More people need to watch the musical episode. And Restless. And this episode, and that one. But skip these, maybe. But don't skip S1. Sometimes it's really clear that it's a stuntman in the scene. It's hilarious. The quotability. The fan response to Dawn was tragic but understandable but also no it wasn't. What they did with Willow and Tara was groundbreaking. But also awful, awful awful. Why do the women have to suffer in order for them to become powerful? The only show that I sit through the opening credits for. And some of the most heartbreaking stuff, really. Buffy Summers, class protector.

I was a teenager when Supernatural came out (listen we all had to come from somewhere if we're on this godforsaken site). When I was watching it, glued to it, my mom would say, "This show is here because of Buffy. You need to watch Buffy. You would love it". I didn't until I was seventeen. And it hit me like a truck. She was more than right. I don't know if teens nowadays will ever experience it in the same way as I did, as others older than me did. It makes me sad. But idk. Maybe it will be unique to them. So, because of that, I still want them to watch it.

I don't think I can truly say exactly what shape this show takes inside of my body. It pushes against my skin and I always feel it. It's complicated. I think I've said all that I can, but that won't ever be true. Nothing will be like it again, but things will be, and ARE better than it, thankfully. But it wont ever really feel the same.

#ive been really emotional about buffy lately #someone understand me plsss #anyways i love buffy lol and am too scared to enter the fandom but i NEEDED to express my thoughts #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy summers #buffy #buffy spoilers

23 notes · View notes

welcome-to-latveria · 1 year

Note

I've been thinking about how I don't read as much comics as I used to and kind of lost interest in a lot of it and for me I think the problem is it feels less adventurous than before if that makes sense? Like obviously it's always been a business and about doing sales but it feels like there's less patience for C and D listers, every title is the same handful of heroes now, and when you get a big creative swing like Hickman's X-Men everyone rebels and retreats to the safety of the status quo.

Yeah I'm definitely the same. It's literally insane how little comics I read now. There are no ongoing titles I follow atm. I only go and search for an issue if I see a character I like has appeared lol.

The constant events and rebooting of runs has really drained the energy out of comics. Comics that might have had a run of like 50 issues before now is only 20 at best. X-Men comics are in a state of disorder and are dragging the rest of Marvel down atm bcos of course no one can use mutants in their books anymore without relating it back to Krakoa. Krakoa itself was an insanely interesting idea which if allowed to play out in full would have definitely gone down in comics history. I want to say the mistake there was having too many side titles but Hickman has done that before with Secret Wars and the lead up so idk I think it was probably just too many different things going on at once with too many different writers. But like you said it's basically reverted back to the status quo there with nothing really groundbreaking going on now.

I was OBSESSED with Hellblazer 2019 when it was coming out it was the best I had seen Constantine written in years. It had the classic Hellblazer feel with no other DC characters and all about British working class and political commentary and amazing art and storyline and so of course it was cancelled even though it had outstanding reviews across the board. So yeah idk what's going on in the industry atm but it sort of seems like the life has been sucked out of it 🤷‍♂️

#doom solo by cantwell? cancelled. hellblazer? cancelled. generation X? cancelled.#(marvel are clearly doing this to target me personally)#marvel #ask

2 notes · View notes

silver-blooded-synthetics · 1 year

Text

@bleedingviolet asked:

Some Munday questions! For whichever of your muses feel like answering them! Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life? If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy?

I genuinely want most of my muses to have happy endings and experience happiness periodically throughout their journey. But I will admit, I also want them to suffer so they can experience challenges and overcome them. I need that sweet sweet character development, and I fully subscribe to the theory of forging my characters in fire and beating them into shape just like a blade. I am not a merciful god, lol. But I do want them to have happy endings, with some exceptions. Namely Evan. He deserves a terrible ending for himself. Abel, I’m neutral on because he wouldn’t appreciate a happy ending even if I did give it to him. The rest tho, yes, I give them happy endings and chances at redemption for their shortcomings.

What do you think would make them most happy in life?

For Alma, he just wants a peaceful life, but not a stagnant one. Nothing would make him happier than to spend his life learning everything there is to know about everything. Arda is very similar and wants to experience life, but also help people. Deep down, both Alma and Arda just want peace, I think. The only thing that would make Abel truly happy is if he were to somehow acquire a soul/sentience, but as he is now, he’s content, or at least complacent, with his life as it is. Gayle would be most happy if she were able to contribute something significant and groundbreaking to the scientific community without it backfiring in her face like her synthetics did. She would settle for finding a solution to the problems she’s created where everyone ends up happy though. Evan would be happiest if he could gain complete control over other people without ever having to deal with negative consequences (this is why he doesn’t get a happy ending). Errol is a little different, because what he thinks will make him happiest and what actually will make him happiest are two very different things. He wants power and control like Evan, but if he were to get it, he would let it go straight to his head and would go insane, which is actually one of his biggest fears. What would actually make him happy is meeting someone special that he could make a genuine, strong emotional connection with and having someone to care for besides himself for once. It would give him a sense of purpose and belonging that he lacks now. It’s something he’s given up on though, without even really trying, because he thinks it’s impossible. He doesn’t realize that he’s a low empathy psychopath, not a no empathy psychopath, and that he has a need to connect with others just as much as anyone, it’s just difficult for him so he’s been neglecting that need.

If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

I would tell Alma that he is good enough, just as he is, and that he will figure out who he is someday, but it’s okay if he doesn’t know right now. He’s still enough, even if he doesn’t know.

I would tell Arda that the world is sometimes cruel, but never to lose sight of her own kindness. Never let the cruelty of the world win and change her. Because that cruel world needs people who are kind in the face of everything awful more than anything.

I would tell Abel to listen to Alma when he says your logic is flawed, because Alma understands things that your logic and programing doesn’t take into account, and you need that human element to make sure your mission priorities don’t become corrupt.

I would tell Errol that he is not a monster, and that his thoughts do not define who he is. What he chooses to do with them are what matters, and he is in control of that. He gets to decide if he is good or bad, and it’s a choice he will have to make every day for the rest of his life.

I would tell Gayle that she needs to not be so hard on others, especially her synthetics, because it’s only pushing them away. I know she only wants what is best for them, but if she wants them to thrive, she needs to support them as individuals with the right to make their own decisions, not try to control them and force them to be what she wants them to be.

I would tell Evander to go eat a bag of dicks. :)

#answered ask #munday #all muses #all ocs

4 notes · View notes

juuggg · 2 years

Text

Been playing a lot of indie games the last few months and I want to keep a little tally of them so i don’t forget

ASTROMAN : Cute little 32bit platformer made for a gamejam, it gave me the same feeling as a mobile game called green the planet and I mean it in a good way. The gameplay isn’t groundbreaking, but it’s relaxing to jump around collecting crystals. If they made this longer it would pop hard.

Carbon Steel : from Mike Klubnika. You join an experiment that pays a lot for weird and probably unethical research. Does a great job at building tension and making you 2nd doubt whether you’re “really” aware of reality. The endings were both a bit weak but still a very fun game worth playing, around 30min.

Cold Fr*nt : I'm censoring the name so it doesn’t appear in search man this was ASS. Good premise for 3 whole minutes before this shit turns uwu cringe ass moe moe stebaniel universal on everyone as they recite a “your feelings matter” message stolen straight from a twitter poisonned 16yo’s notes app. Was the dev afraid of being called out on tiktok for portraying unhealthy relationships or something? Anyway, if MY childhood friend pushed me down stairs, breaking my leg, I would tell them to kill themselves.

Coward Town : weird one, cool graphics but the audio hurted. Fun to wiggle around with a vague story in the background. tonic!

Driftwood : Loved this one, short visual with shrooms involved. Touches on classical themes of existentialism and coming of age. Don’t wanna spoil it too much, it definitely can get cheesy but it’s worth a play through (20 to 30mins). Made me smile from how honest it was at times, like the dev was just writing down a conversation they had in the past.

Evaluation : I didn’t remember downloading this one and looking at the steam page I'm surprised I even did. But it was a nice surprise, it's got a lot of charm especially knowing it’s the dev’s first game. It’s absolutely worth doing that 2nd play through otherwise it feels empty, but even with the tonal shift between the two routes it felt like a complete experience. Would love to see a remake of this in the future.

Infineural : Also from Mike Klubnika, the fridge horror didn’t really get to me but for 5mins it’s worth a download. Carbon steel was better.

Rental : Very nice, the 2nd and 1st areas could have been linked better. They managed to create an otherworldly but whimsical atmosphere very quickly. Cool audio and visual tricks.

WaterWombWorld : From Yames, I had it in my folders for a long time but didn’t remember playing it, so I did now. It’s thickly coated in religious significance from start to finish. If the dev came out and said he was working through his faith at the time of development I wouldn’t be surprised. It’s made me want to go back and replay Yames’ other titles.

Still fishing : feesh bloop bloop 🐟

Critters For Sale : Bought it for the graphics mostly lol. I had no clue what to expect going into it but it definitely took me by surprise on more than one occasion. It’s like a point and click visual novel adaptation of finding a conspiracy theorist’s website, going through every tab in awe, and barely being able to explain anything after. Worth a play.

I Live Under Your House + It Lives Under The House DLC : Feels like this one exploded a bit in popularity for good reason. Unique take on a spooky monster story where YOU, the player, get to be the weird guy. Loved the visuals. Absolutely do not want to spoil it but I’ll say the DLC is just as good as the main game and even better at points.

Megs’ monsters (Demo) : When it gets released in 5years and explodes it’s going to be compared to every single massively popular RPG à-la deltarune and earthbound and there’s going to be so much porn of the big monsters.

Magnus Positive Phototaxis : A short 1hr point and click puzzle game. Wish i could say it was nice but nothing really stood out other than the 3d object cutscenes that were never mentioned again. Did not expect it to take a religious U-turn but it seems to be part of a larger series of games so maybe I'm missing something. Disjointed. Mid at best.

Out Of Hands (Demo) : Didn’t care for the story when it turned out to be about a lost high-school love etc. You can Obliterate the balancing by using the double dmg at low hp perk. It feels like it’s missing a something and got repetitive near the end, but this is a demo so whatever! Using hands and clay for graphics is super cute, kept me playing just to see what random things they used next.

rats in a cage (Demo) : Loved this one. You’re trying to become a jobcell and one of the only companies that responded wants you to do a survey on a funny program because they really don’t have time to interview everyone. Said program is a rat kin puzzle game with an AI that fucking hates you. It’s absolutely going to be compared to baba is you and portal that’s not even a question, I will say the humour felt more stanley-parable-esque than portal to me. Puzzles were very easy but it might just be baba PTSD making me think every level is going to take 3hrs.

Return. : Short platforming game with cute graphics. This was odd, everything about it feels like it’s part of an ARG or would have a hidden secret fucked up horror ending but there doesn’t seen to be anything like that. The controls feel crisp and the way they did jumps was pretty unique, definitely would like to see more.

Rusty Blade : it’s alright, enjoyed the graphics but navigation itself gave me a headache.

Who’s Lila? : PLAY IT!!!!!! PLAY IT RIGHT NOW PLAY IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAVEN’T FINISHED YET

skolios : playing right now, good atmosphere and nostalgic of older rpghorro games but I would be lying if i said i didn’t check the walkthrough.

Northern Journey : BUG SWATTING SIMULATOR 3000 I’d recommend this to everyone if the difficulty balancing wasn’t so messy. After spending 2hrs on the bandit fight i kinda gave up. Fun movement, fun aesthetic, fun characters, kinda mean as fuck at times but it’s funny. I’ll get drunk and spend 20hrs on beating it at some point i swear.

Mundaun : Another one with difficulty balancing problems, skill issue i know i know. Graphics are A+, setting is A+, story is intriguing, But the sniping haystacks made me mald. I WANT to love it just give me 1month i’ll git gud and then can get a solid opinion on it.

Mirage of Dragon : thought I’d hate it but it’s really just a puzzle exploration game, killed 4 dragoos so far but being reset to the beginning and needing to watch the unskippable cutscene everytime is annoying. Great aesthetic and visuals, the dev put a lot of heart into the side material, mostly the guide, cute to see ♥

ANATOMY : hurts my eyes so bad

#kept out the obvious ones or ones i didn't play enough of etc #juggy games

2 notes · View notes