#I don't fear the sweet hand of criticism because I want to be better
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I don't fear the sweet hand of criticism because I want to be better
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𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫
Äs Nödt x F! Nurse! Reader
ಇ. I had this fic saved for myself, but I honestly didn't think my heart would be that broken when his inevitable end would get animated. Don't get me wrong, I loved Rukia and Byaku's win, but... you gotta understand that for a nurse, As Nodt represents those who you couldn't save. A patient whose hand needed a squeeze, but still it was too painful for him... poor thing.
ಇ. tw: medical terminology. be careful if you are sensitive to illness and death topics. it is full of little metaphors, try to understand where I was going with what I wrote. you can ask me too!
ಇ. wc: 1k
Before he was even a Sternritter, As was a simple man. A suffering, yet simple man. And you knew him very well.
He was sick, bedridden. It was too painful for him to even breathe. His existence was cold, sterile, and for him so unworthy.
However, there was a Sun. A Sun that would shine a light every time it walked through the doors of his ever-pristine white room… you.
His voice has never been loud, but really, really low. It wasn’t sweet, it was very raspy, as if he was trembling in fear. His short, straight hair framed his façade, the mask giving him oxygen carved red marks on his cheeks and black eyes fixed in a boring ceiling.
Oh, but you. His only reason to smile.
But did he show it to you? No.
Did he tell you? Neither.
But you knew…
“Hello Äs! how are you doing today?” you ask, with a metallic tray on your hands. Who knows how many pills are in there, but all of them are equally necessary for him to stay alive.
“H- hello… g- good” he said, every time. He doesn’t feel good, he never does. But does he want for you to worry about him? No.
You come closer to his bed, leaving the tray over his tiny bedside table. Taking a swift look at his monitor, you see -as always- his heart rate slightly going up. Ah… he is at least interested in feeling something besides pain and fear about his inevitable end.
“So, Sir Nödt… I’m aware today is your physical therapy day. Nurse (male name) won’t be able to attend the hospital today, would you allow me to do it for him?” you ask. Everything should be professional. You probably were waiting a “no” but instead he took a little time to answer.
“Hmh…” he nods, as much as he could possibly move his neck without grimacing in pain.
You smile, kindly. Your look softens. You didn’t want to feel sorry, pity for him. You really thought those feelings weren’t proper. But you couldn’t help it. Your heart ached too, and you wanted to help him as much as you could… “Good! Let’s make those muscles move with utmost care! Let me put on some tunes too”
You weren’t sure about him wanting for real to do it. He never did, as your colleagues said. “He is in pain, but he is equally scared to feel pain and that freezes him even more. He won’t ever get better…”
Again, your heart ached.
What do they know about getting better? Why judging him? He needed help, not critics.
And… who knows, maybe, he just needed someone to believe in him to feel better.
You make sure your hands aren’t cold. You wear a mask to come close to him, you don’t want to create more problems for him, a simple germ could cost him his thread hanging life.
You take your phone and press play. A soft melody starts playing. You don’t really know when it was, but you were sure he said he likes the sound of pianos playing to relax.
Äs widens his eyes. Extremely black orbs fix on you, he is amazed by the song filling the room, he is probably glad to hear something besides the sound of the oxygen flow on his face.
“Give your hand, please” you whisper, trying not to cover the song. You let him choose which one of his pale hands will move first.
He breathes in a considerable amount of air into his lungs, and then, with trembling motion his right bony hand reaches yours. It feels soft. Lightweight.
And so needy.
You begin to inspect his joints. Of course it’s painful for him, not only because of being sick but also because of avoiding to move them for so long. “One finger at a time” you murmur, as you can feel him desiring to grab your hand.
He goes slow. Äs wants more, but he is in pain. He is afraid.
“Don’t be scared. I’m holding your hand right now. You can try to hold mine” you encourage him. You, perhaps, wanted more and even the same way he does for him to grab your hand… Are you falling in love with a patient? A.. dying patient?
He sees you. You see him. He closes his eyes.
And maybe a little smile wanted to adorn his lips. His fine, chapped, lips.
“Follow me, Äs”
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ.
When he opens his eyes he isn’t lying down in a mattress. He is standing, in two feet.
He is still pale, his hands show that. A cold breeze kisses his cheeks, he notices his hair is way longer now as it flows with the wind around.
He can hear kids laughing, and the greenery around feels refreshing. A park… it’s been so long since he stood in the middle of one.
Suddenly, something lands on his cold nose. It’s as soft as the wind, but it’s pink. A cherry blossom petal just flew up to where he is. And like that rosy flower, a million rain down from dark wooden trees.
“Spring? Is this Hanami?” he asks and notices he can speak louder. And when he does, it’s not painful… it’s… normal.
He slowly turns around. And again, moving doesn’t hurt. Breathing doesn’t hurt. Her arms around his waist coming from behind, either.
“Äs! Love! Turn around, I wanna take a picture of you with the Cherry Blossoms in the back!” you chime. Your camera, an old analogue one, captures the beauty of a pinkish rain that doesn’t wet but only kisses your skin with a soft, soft scent.
He is absolutely stunned by your beauty as you walk back pointing the camera lens to him. Your hair also flows. You are his nurse, his sun. What are you doing there? Why is he alive?
“Smile you silly! You are scaring me! What’s gotten into you?” you scold him, his death stare creeps you out sometimes.
As the camera shots and captures his amazed look, you walk back towards his thin arms. “Wanna have some ice cream? Or do you prefer cotton candy? Oh wait, maybe you want Takoyaki?” you excitedly jump, feeling the hard edges of his hipbones against your belly when hugging him.
“I just want to hug you for a little longer…” he murmurs. It kinda scares you, because when he ever said something sweet?
“Hug me for as long as you want, sweetheart…” you whisper, nuzzled in the crook of his neck. He rests his chin on the crown of your head, it’s so soothing to feel his chest go up and down, breathing pure air…
Don't wake up. Don't wake up.
please, just for a few moments now... Your Majesty.
#as nodt#as nodt x reader#as nodt bleach#bleach#bleach fanfic#bleach x reader#bleach anime#bleach imagines#bleach fanfiction#bleach fanart#as nodt fan fic#as nodt fan fiction#sashi ya#bleach quincy
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Taco Truck x VB | O. Hightower
Description: Otto Hightower begins dating Viserys Targaryen's youngest daughter. Social media goes crazy because of the age-gap.
Pairing: COO!otto hightower/actress-socialite!reader
"Is there a man in your life?" James Corden raises an eyebrow, and the entire audience erupts into laughter. "I mean - it would be weird if I didn't have a man in my life, because how would I be born?" you try to change to topic, but your friend was already suspicious.
"Okay for the record, Henry Cavill is hot?" he asked, and you laugh nervously. Otto was most definitely watching from home. "He's a respectable man, and I'm sure that he treats ladies properly, but personally I think he's too young for me." you shrug, and a sarcastic chuckle escapes the host's mouth.
"Okay," he rolled his eyes and the audience laughs again.
"Now let's move into your new movie with Cate Blanchett,"
(your name)arryn-targaryen: 💚
2,678 comments 971,238 likes
gigihadid: 💚
Hightower_Gwaynie: welcome to the family 💪🏽💚
user12: the green hearts are throwing me off guard
Y/N ARRYN-TARGARYEN, WHO COULD BE HER NEW BOYFRIEND?
The socialite and actress is known for her small indie films in Hollywood, mostly gaining critical acclaim but 'flopping' in box-office. Now, her fans can't stop speculating the identity of her new boyfriend.
Well, here is what we know:
In a cryptic post in instagram, she used a green heart and her friends retaliated with posting the same color. Green is the signature color of 'House Hightower', a family that used to be prominent in Italy during the Renaissance Period. The family comes from a line of bankers that used to dominate medieval Europe.
The patriarch, Otto Hightower, has three sons: Hobert, Toto, and Gwayne.
The actress is yet to confirm the relationship with one of the three.
It was nice being in America, since no one knew about your family. They were all treating you like shit, but that was okay.
"Sometimes I walk around museums and think that these artifacts shouldn't be here," you mused, taking a lazy sip of your espresso.
Otto had the entire museum closed just so you could walk around without fear of the media. It was sweet, but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary for you - you were used to luxury.
"Buy it and give them back." he replied, holding your other hand tightly. Smiling while his cold palms were defrosted by your warm ones. He had doubts about the relationship - figured that he was too old to be your boyfriend, but you assured him.
This was what you wanted - and there was nothing wrong with it.
"I guess," you hum - walking past the Asia section.
arryn.family.updates: Y/N Arryn-Targaryen (Aemma's daughter) with Otto Hightower.
167 comments 200 likes
fabyrtestar: The power she holds, if they get married her last name is literally gonna be Y/N Targaryen-Hightower
antonio_fuoci2: She's so lana del rey vinyl
OTTO HIGHTOWER DENIES BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH BOSS' YOUNGEST DAUGHTER.
"She's a nice girl, but we're not [uhh] together. Honestly, when you're at this age - all you worry about is work and making work better. I mean the new Targaryen 291 Adventure Edition is a wonderful car for a family, and we've been working on it for the past decade now - to make sure that everything is fine and safe."
Y/N ARRYN-TARGARYEN DENIES BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH OLDER MAN.
"I don't think that the rumors should be taken as truth, I've spoken to Otto a few times and it's all business between us - he's my father's COO. I haven't been out actually, I was really shocked when the rumors came out. I've been so busy on my film with A24, and processing the Arryn Hotel Chain, [super] busy."
(5 years later)
(your name)arryn-targaryen: look at him. i'd die for him. i'd kill for him, but either way what bliss?
pictures for our wedding in may.
future mrs. hightower
credits to @jace_strong_photography
34,238 comments 244,779 likes
RhaenyraArryn-Targaryen: Congratulations dear! leaving the nest already, even though you swore to be here til 30. 😊
- (your name)arryn-targaryen: I didn't pinky swear 🤷🏻♀️
benjamineur29: IT'S ALL BUSINESS BETWEEN US 😭😭 bitch u lied
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pls don't take this as a hate anon or something, i am just curious. what the reason that has made you very interested in helaena? she is basically a non-character in the show , a walking talking spoiler if u may and in the book grrm never focused on her and just made her gone mad with grief.
Not taken as hate, anon! I myself have said several times the points you made in my more critical asks and posts about hotd. But well, let's put it like this; Helaena maybe doesn't get much from the show (or the books, frankly) but what she does have is potential.
When I first watched the show, I liked her in in a normal, Helly is sweet and cute and deserved better kind of way. Most people agree about that much I believe. But over time when I kept thinking about her, the hyperfixation set because I realized her character and relationship's themes can be so much more elaborated on! Helaena, especially with the themes of feminism in a feudalistic society, especially with her place as the overlooked sister in her childhood, who gains the liking of the smallfolk later on (whether it be because she conforms to society's rules or things GRRM never told us - and both can be true at the same time), especially with how interwoven her relationships with her brother and children to the crown and how it can be explored in so many different ways - it's just so interesting to think about. There's so much tragedy in it!
Let me ask you questions, anon, that may bring forward things that could have been done with Helaena - what if being regarded as the less comely sister did get to her? Why did she go out and claimed Dreamfyre when she was younger; for such a meek sounding girl, claiming the largest dragon in the dragonpit wouldn't be a lot? What if she actually thought of fighting the war with Dreamfyre? What if she was so shattered by her children's loss because she thought the taking the crown would save them, similar to what has been told to Aegon? What if her taking the crown was about emancipation from the shackles of fear and feeling helpless for her, only to fall back into it later on, realizing the crown did nothing?
The show's addition of her being a dreamer, can be a point of its own of extra themes added to her (Cassandra of Troy theme) even though I didn't enjoy how they did it in the show (spoiler machine thing).
So basically, what I'm saying, is that in the right hands, a character like Helaena could be so much more elevated. I genuinely think there is so much to explore in her. She could've been an interesting foil to Rhaenyra as the green queen and a mother if they wanted her to be.
All they have to do is to make her a character of her own, let her speak her own thoughts, even if they can't see it in themselves to give her true agency. She is a character that could add so much to the feminism, gender roles, and Targaryen cycles of generational trauma discussions in the show, and they just really skipped on it for no reason at all.
#of course all is my opinion#but im a writer i saw potential and i gobbled it up in my mind and wrote it on the page#helaena targaryen#hotd#hotd critical
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I love trans women usopp. She would be so pretty but still be the same goofy ass usopp as usual. She still lies (she likes to add flirtatious charm or empathy. Babe learned how to cry on command.) Still cowers, dramatic as fuck and bickers with her crew
Sanji would swoon and act a fool towards as he does to Robin and Nami. During fights he jumps in wanting to protect her. 'Don't worry usopp darling! I'll save you! My sweet!'. Before he could finish his affections she's already sprinted the fuck out of there with out hesitation.
She's more touchy with Robin and uses her a Zoro 2.0 and hides behind her and drags her into her shenanigans. Robin likes to use a disembodied hand to shove her or smack the back of the head if she does something stupid. (Platonically of course you know the straw hats. Their Love language is physical violence towards each other)
Her dynamic with Nami did not change. They still cower in fear together, run away together, fight together and yell at Luffy together. They've only gotten closer, they even started fighting with each other more.
Her relationship with Zoro didn't change that much either girly still be yelling at him and criticizing his sense of direction. They still fight with each other, call each other names. Zoro still sees usopp as his equal she's still usopp. Is she still a liar, she's still over dramatic, Still a coward but she never misses her target and that's all he cares about. If only she'd stop nagging him.
She still thinks Franky is cool and is amazed by his engineering. His poses tho are kind of lame to her now but in a cute way. She will laugh whenever he does it. Franky sees her as a little sister which isn't saying much because he used to see her as a little brother. Brook is the same, nothing changed but he does ask her about her panties and you wouldn't believe this but she did let him see them. once!! and only once she was very strict about that and he never asked again.
Her and Luffy are still best friends and still good off. They're still very touchy and grabby. (I love how he doesn't see women's bodies as inherently sexual he just sees them as bodies) He still will wrestle with her, wraps around her and fall asleep next to her or on top of her. He has landed on top of her many times and she has yelled at him many times that he can't do that anymore! her boobs aren't cushions they hurt!
The only real change was sanji (I ship them but for the sake of this post it's one sided) sanji is a gentleman chivalry is his policy and he will treat any lady with the utmost respect (At least that's what he tells himself) he makes her drinks, treats and puts a lot of effort into the dinners that she eats like the other girls. When she started transitioning and developing he started going nuts for her. Usopp ate that shit up not only was it gender euphoric to be treated like the other women but she can ask sanji to do or buy her anything and he'll do it. She fucking loves attention that hasn't changed
Sometimes he'll revert back to his old ways with her especially when they get into an argument. He doesn't care if she's a gorgeous woman with pretty hair, a luscious body and smells like lemon and rosemary! (He does care. He cares so much. It's pathetic) stop bitching and start fishing!... Please darling.
Her fashion sense tho. It's the same but better She has sun hats, cabbie hats, brimmed braise, regular berets, beanies, buckets, cloche, and so many headbands. Short overalls, baggy overalls, jumpsuits of various sizes. She doesn't like wearing shirts she never did, unlike the other women on the boat she doesn't like letting her girls loose. It's not practical or functional for her line of work. She wears a sports bra or something with great support. Her favorite top is a high neck sports bra with a zipper in the front. Her hair is usually in a protective hair style. French braids with Afro puffs in the back or regular ponytail. She likes to let it down sometimes but it gets in the way. She's not that girly but she still wants to turn heads
In short she didn't really change and her crew treats her the same and the changes that did happen benefited her
See??? You send me asks like this one and then I don't have anything else to say because everything here is just perfect!!!
Transfem Usopp has changed my life for the better and this whole text is so so beautiful because this is exactly how I imagine her dynamics with the crew!!
#it's perfect thank you#you cheered me up with this honestly i was feeling a lil sad this morning#so thank you anon <33#one piece#usopp#transfem usopp#strawhat pirates
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Idk if you do requests or anything but if i may suggest something, maybe billy and a reader who treats him like a normal person? Like they still treat him with the same basic human needs if that makes sense. Making some food? They ask if he wants some too? Hes being moody for some reason? Instead of taking him to spend money they ask him if anything is wrong. Hes having a bad day? They ask if he wants a hug. Ect
a.n. im diggin' your chili anon!! and omg i didn't think i’d get any requests at all so i didn't even mention it—but yes, totally! requests are more than welcome! wasn’t too sure if you wanted this to be alive!billy or ghost!billy centered, so i just went with ghost!billy. by “normal person” i’m assuming “disregarding his celebrity status and treating him as you would anyone else”?? i hope these hcs are to your liking and i apologize if i misunderstood the prompt !
𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
𝅘𝅥𝅲 gn!reader
𝅘𝅥𝅲 relationship. (not specified) up to interpretation!
𝅘𝅥𝅲 warnings. none
𝅘𝅥𝅲 edited. n/a
• ooooh, billy's going to be such a disaster at first, just putting it out there!
• why are you treating him like some d-listed average joe? he’s the billy joe cobra!! why aren't you quick to obsess over him? shouldn't you be squealing, fanning yourself, literally be on your KNEES for him?! he doesn't get it, he's definitely put off by your sincerity, and he takes it personally.
• he's not used to this level of 'genuine', and although he displays somewhat of a grumpy demeanor around you, he gradually grows to appreciate you immensely.
• case in point: he gets into a spat with his bro spence, gets deeply upset by it and NEEDS someone to talk to. rajeev? he's more focused on solving his friends' squabbles than hearing out what bjc's got to say—something that the cobra catches on to pretty quick. shanilla? she's as sweet as ever, but her little bias towards brometheus is still very much evident. we never vent to kids y’all. and so, he goes to his last resort: you.
• he wastes no time in letting his emotions loose. doesn't matter what you're doing, mf steals the moment, his hands gesturing all over the place. his eyes are trained on everything except you, but when he's finally done and meets yours, his feels something in his chest suddenly churn.
• he's met with a strange yet warm unfamiliarity: patience. of course, he can't decipher it at first, and for a minute he's at a loss for words—his sudden silence urging you to believe he has more to say. it takes him a hot second to register it, but he's quick to remember the reason why he was there in the first place and cue the drama queen's ginormous pout:
"well?! aren't you going to say anything?!"
• you do. you're there to assure him of his doubts and underlying fears, you let him know his feelings are valid, and most importantly (much to his surprise) you don't overly coddle him. it comes as a surprise to billy because never before had he felt so heard. you treat him in a way that's foreign and different. its a good kind of different though!
• as soon as you offer the dude a hug, mans literally bursts into tears and crashes into you. its been settled. you’re his comfort person! from that point on, sweet bby actively wants to be near you for as much as he can ♡
• he respects your input and appreciates your honesty (despite him being a giant pissbaby when it comes to something he disagrees with) and absolutely adores how considerate you are with almost everything you do!
• you make some lunch and set some aside just for him? he's over the moon!! bonus points if it’s one of his favs!
• the cobra is quite the picky eater, but he's not above trying things at least once. he’s doesn’t shy away from giving you criticism either! his palate fr expands exponentially after eating your stuff.
• develops a particularly strong preference for the food you make! even if all you can do is a sandwich and instant noodles, this dude's all hung up on YOUR sauce.
• you better believe that he's gonna pay the sentiments back TENFOLD, but there's a catch to it, and it's mostly at spencer's expense
• "yo, spence! 'think you can have your mom bake some of those brolicious brownies for me? no reason! just make sure it's a ton. oh! and imma need ‘em by 5. thanks, brostada, you’re the best! catch ya later, bye!!"
• he'll claim that the brownies were all made a la billy, but you know damn well💀
• he doesn't like sharing his munchies, but you're an exception. a bit. relish it!
• adores when you visit the mansion! you're very mindful of his and his fam's possessions and he's at ease knowing that you're not the kind to touch and toy with his things without consent like some of his fans used to do (he loves them, he loves the attention, but there are lines that just cant be crossed!)
• his trust in you is high, maybe even foolishly so.
• doesn't mean you guys can't fool around with some of his stuff! in fact, he encourages you to partake in some hijinks with him. whether it be pulling pranks on the wright family or making a mess of the tiki room, he's all down to do fun shit with you!
• having some down time and just chillin' is also something he likes to indulge in. it feels great to just unwind, watch reality tv and laze around without having anything to prove to anyone. it's just you and him (and spencer, occasionally) and it's moments like these which he subconsciously cherishes.
• he gets a boost of serotonin when you partake in his hobbies, even if it's something you wouldn't necessarily like. going to taste-testing events, going on a shopping spree, bonsai trimming, pottery—he appreciates your efforts and is more than willing to do the same for you (even if the loveable jackass complains along the way, he could never say no to you!)
• tldr; unlike his past relationships (be it romantic or platonic) you don't take advantage of him and it really does him some good. you’re there for him at his most vulnerable and he gradually learns to bear no shame in expressing how he really feels about himself and the life he lived. you’re part of what makes him realize that fame doesn't define him and little by little he starts to gain a new sense of self confidence. it's a love so soft that he most definitely deserves!
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Heyy id like to ask for a type three match up (ikemen prince)
1-bejeweled (Taylor swift)
2-youre on your own kid(Taylor swift)
3-lucky ones (Lana del ray)
4-the state of dreaming (Marina)
5-cardigan (Taylor swift)
(Alright! Obviously this is just me doing this based on songs, but hopefully I get something right here. I hope you like it! Honorable mention to Clavis.)
I match you with Yves Kloss.
Please be good to him. I love him so much.
Song 1: Love Story-Taylor Swift
My first thought, seeing three Taylor Swift songs, was "Oh, Yves is a Swiftie for sure!" (No, I will not be taking criticism at this time) On top of that, Yves has a lot of issues. You've got that commoner/prince thing happening, as well as clause 99, and Yves' own ancestry, making your relationship difficult to be accepted. Yves probably feels like the Juliet/Taylor in this song. He wants you to save him! Fuck society!
Song 2: Diamonds-Ashanti
There's multiple angles with this one. Yves uses fashion as his armor, so that people don't fear him, and take him seriously. So in one sense, this is a song about him. On the other hand, he will also extend this armor to you. He loves to help make you feel beautiful and powerful, just like him. He'll spend hours helping design a look for you, covering you in diamonds, all so that you feel strong and secure. And then the third angle, is now that you're together, you're both stronger, and feeling life is better. You're each other's diamonds.
Song 3: Candle on the Water- Cover by Teresa
Most of the songs you gave me seemed a little sad, or heartbroken. This song kind of came to me, because I feel like you and Yves would be there for each other, and would take the time to remind each other how important you each are. Also, Yves is a secret squishy boy, so I can imagine him singing this to you to help you feel safe and secure. Or to sing you to sleep!
Song 4: I Won't Say I'm in Love- From Hercules
Look, Yves never gets over his Tsundere phase. I love him dearly, but even in events where you're dating, he's still like, "I don't love you! Now eat your five course heart shaped pancake breakfast I made you!" So....this song is kind of obvious for your relationship.
Song 5: Ten Minutes Ago-From Cinderella (song starts at 33 seconds)
I don't know...I kind of see Yves as the Cinderella in this case, at least, that's how he sees himself. This is such a sweet love song, about just pure love, and that's what you're going to get from a relationship with Yves. When he's with you he feels safe and loved, and like he's discovered heaven. He hopes you feel that too. Cause he never wants to come down from this dream he's made with you.
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Weird OC shit
Anwir : I'm bored.
Zan : Wanna commit first degree murder?
Anwir : Sure! Pavo , hearing them: No- Stop, don't do that! Put that knife down! Put Charles down!!
Faloi : A party is a celebration of a life, bringing people together to let the guest of honor know how much they’re loved. Anwir has done so much for us. This is our chance to do something for them.
Zan: By forcing them to have fun at a party that they don’t want to be at?
Faloi : I knew you’d understand.
Anwir : Pulls a glass of water from out of nowhere
Charles: Where did you get that?
Anwir : My pocket.
Charles: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket?
Anwir : Skills.
Zan: trying to buy a Father's Day card at Hallmark
Zan: Excuse me, do you have any that just say "You are my dad?"
Associate: Well, I-
Zan: How about "You banged my mom?"
Associate: No...
Zan: You know what, I'll just get a blank one.
Zan: writes You are a father. This is a day. Here is a card.
Anwir : Is something burning?
Zan, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.
Anwir : Zan, the toaster is literally on fire.
Pavo: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?
Zan: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.
Zan: I do two things and two things only. I devastate sorry motherfuckers, and get shit done as an awesome leader.
Anwir : I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.
Faloi: Zan, why is Anwir intruding on our cuddle time?
Anwir : Zan, why is Faloi intruding on our cuddle time?
Zan, in distress: Please… I have two hands…
Charles: Hey, do you know the password to Pavo’s computer?
Zan: Fuck you, Charles.
Charles: Hey!! Zan: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouCharles".
Charles: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.
Charles: Zan gave me a get better soon card.
Anwir : That's sweet!
Charles: I wasn't sick, they just think I can do better.
Charles: I hate Anwir .
Faloi: Don’t say hate. That is a mean word.
Charles: Fine, I LOATHE Anwir .
Faloi: How did you even get in here?
Zan: Charles's window! Or, as I like to call it, "Zan's door"!
Charles: I’m closing the window.
Anwir : Faloi won’t wake up, what do I do?
Zan: Did you try kicking them?
Anwir : Yes. Zan: I’m out of ideas.
Zan: How do you type so fast?
Pavo: Anxiety.
Zan, making a cup of tea: Yeah, get into that leaf juice, you sexy, sexy bee sauce.
Pavo: Hey, do you take constructive criticism?
Zan: I absolutely fucking do not.
Faloi: You three, explain right now!
Pavo: It was Zan.
Anwir : It was Zan.
Charles: It was Zan.
Zan:
Zan: …fuck.
Anwir : Surgery is basically just stabbing someone to life.
Faloi: Please never become a surgeon.
Pavo, on the phone: Where are you?
Zan: I told you, I’m at work
Pavo: Swear you’re not at Chuck E Cheese again?
skee ball machine alarm goes off in the background
Anwir : I am strong! I beat Pavo at arm wrestling!
Zan: Anyone can beat Pavo at arm wrestling!
Pavo: Hey-
Pavo: All snacks are gone.
Anwir : I AM LITERALLY RIGHT HERE?!
Anwir , to Faloi: Are you peanuts? Because I want to boil you alive.
(ANWIR! DON'T BOIL YOUR BROTHER!)
Charles: Anwir and I are so close we even share a toothbrush.
Anwir : We what?
Zan: I just drank a lego piece.
Charles: ...what the hell?! You melted plastic and drank the liquid?
Zan: Yes.
Charles: Why did you even melt a lego in the first place?!
Zan: Because it looked like chocolate! So I drank it! You know, like a chocolate shake?
Anwir , about Zan: They're speaking some kind of French.
Charles: Let me handle it. I speak Spanish. It's the same thing.
Faloi: How do you connect with a fictional character?
Anwir : What?
Pavo: What?
Zan: What?
Charles: pulls up a 500 slide presentation I'm glad you asked.
Pavo: You really believe in Charles?
Anwir : Luckily, they believe in themself enough for the both of us.
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BLOOD BOUNDARIES - Enhypen OT7 Fanfic (ch.7)
[CH.1] [CH.2] [CH.3] [CH.4] [CH.5] [CH.6] previous chapters
[CH.8.] next chapter (unavailable, check back or follow for updates!)
You fell into a distrustful panic that night now that knew the screams of the woods were also where Jungwon and his friends lived. You weren't sure if you should be scared for those group of boys or be scared of them. You'd be lying to yourself if you tried to believe it was only a coincidence the boys had a place in the forest of violent cries.
You questioned your sanity, were they murderers? Was that their dirty secret?
Your conclusions were endlessly dark, repeating themselves countlessly. You had never wanted to sleep away your thoughts more than ever. Eventually, you got exhausted from your thoughts. It was mentally draining to try and tear apart the possibilities of the situation, you didn't have enough evidence to be so sure. You lay in a cold sweat as you drifted off into a deep but horrible sleep.
You dreamt in full awareness. The boys with blood spilling down their hands and onto their swan white clothes. A red mess everywhere on the cream walls of an orphanage that overflowed with rays of a full moon. Although you were scared of what you were witnessing, you could not wake up even if your life depended on it. It seemed as if the dream had sped up your sleep as you woke in what felt like a few seconds. Calmly, you awoke in the misty autumn morning in a crushed up pile of blankets. You sit up to peel your wispy curtains away from the window to get a good look at the dark forest that steamed with a muddy blue fog. All of the memories of Jungwon yelling at you for just being near the woods flooded your brain as you stared. This time you were determined to search deep into that forest and get to the bottom of its mysteries as it called out to you.
"Y/N I think you're going to be late for your first class." Nana knocked before bursting into your room in full uniform, not a wrinkle on her shirt.
"Y-you're already ready? What time is it?!" You glanced back and forth between your pyjamas and uniform that draped over a random stool as you were too lazy to fold nicely the night before.
"We didn't want to wake you... So we went ahead thinking you'd come down eventually." She yanked you out of bed, gripping your forearms tightly before backing out the door, "Don't be late! We promised we'd keep out of detention this year!"
Within a blink of an eye, you slip into your uniform, slinking your arms through the holes of your blouse and adjusting your legs to be cover by your ashy plaid skirt. With your bag and binder in hand, you sprinted across your campus to the gymnasium where you found yourself arriving, everyone already in the proper athletic attire.
"You're late." Your health teacher grit her teeth in visible disappointment. Your teacher knew how unlike you it was to be late as your classmate's eyes followed your every movement.
"P-pardon me." You clawed your fingers through your bedhead, speeding to the change room, nervous she'd assign you detention.
You let out the deep breath you were holding in as you got into the empty locker room, frustrated at yourself for waking up so late. You can't help but feel upset that you let your thoughts get the best of you and ruin your perfect attendance. Truly you were ashamed but began to see no point in continuing to rush the pace at which your day was running.
The locker room door opens and you see Kyungeun peep herself inside, "Y/N? You alright?"
You pull your boxy shirt flat down, zipping and tying every spot on your tracksuit jacket, "Yeah, sorry rough morning..."
"No worries, I just said that I had to go to the bathroom but I really just wanted to check on you." She had a motherly sound to her voice which comforted your bad start to the day. Perhaps she was in a good enough mood for you to ask her briefly about her relationship with Sunghoon.
"Kyungeun, I think I need to just clear the air... I saw you with Sunghoon in the library." You tilted your head in regret as to whether or not you were starting off the conversation in the right direction.
"Y-you saw us???" Her face drained to an unrealistic hue, "Lord... Sunghoon will kill me if he finds out you know."
"Stop! What do you mean? He'll kill you? Is it because I know that you two are dating?"
"NO! Nevermind then!" She cut you off right after the question mark in your voice. She looked rather relieved at your response which could only mean their relationship was much different than you had presumed. "I just can't tell you about our relationship I'm s-sorry it's between just us two."
"So then it's okay for him to flirt with my roommate?"
"No? Are you serious right now ?!" Kyungeun panicked.
"So you are dating?" You gave a smug smile.
"It's not that..." She was visibly frustrated not being able to describe herself in words, "I'll tell you this, I'm bound to him..." She ran her index finger along the reddened gash on her neck He's blackmailing me."
"So you're like his pet?" You held in your laughter, you knew you should be more serious but you had no other way of trying to help Kyungeun express the gist of her relationship.
"I'll tell you another day... Let's just go before the teacher gets mad at you for taking so long to change."
...
After your class full of advanced leg exercises and mediocrely fun games, you got halted by your gym teacher, "Y/N can we speak about how tardy you were today?"
You got fearful of her sentencing you detention, freezing up from your heel upwards, "I'm so sorry, I just had a lot going on last night..."
"Sweetie, I know this is your first late in my class but unfortunately the school does not tolerate tardiness in the way I believe it should be." She tapped her chin a few times, "I have no other choice but to send you to detention but it'll just be a half-hour at lunch." You felt better that it wasn't for a full hour or two after school but you were still dreading the idea.
"Can't you just let me off the hook? I promise it'll never happen again" You pleaded desperately.
"I'm afraid I cannot... If the other teachers or students knew you didn't get sent to detention I could get into trouble for giving you 'special treatment'. I know you didn't mean to love but I cannot afford to lose my job so I'll see you then." She patted one of your shoulders, giving it a little squeeze to cheer you up.
"I understand..." You nod with your head that already hung low.
"It's in the English room down the hall, there is usually only a few students there. Some familiar faces."
...
That rest of your morning would only pull through faster as you got some weird anxiety over walking into the detention room. You could not concentrate at all in the class you had before lunch. You felt as if you were too good for the detention group of kids, but here you were about to join those you criticized. Karma.
"Make sure to answer the questions 8-16 on page 300, you have the rest of the class to do so. Any questions?" Your physics teacher stood with his hands balled up behind his back.
Realizing you had no physics book in your bag after triple checking, you shot your arm up in distress, "ME! I forgot my textbook today... I was in a rush this morning." You faked a polite laugh with the expectation your teacher would have a spare.
"I'm afraid I don't have an extra, anyone willing to share?" The teacher lifted his head to scan the class.
"I could share." Jaeyun winked making your face recoil
"Perfect! You'll probably have to move your stuff to his seat then." Your teacher suggested.
With a thick coat of disappointment, you pulled a chair up to Jaeyun's desk to which he kneed you annoyingly.
Within just a few seconds of settling down, you complained "How the hell am I supposed to write? There is no space... Desks are made for ONE person."
"Okay then don't use my textbook and fall behind" He sneered.
"Wait wait, I just had the greatest idea Jaeyun." He gave you puppy eyes when you said his name, "What if you look for half the answers I do the other half then exchange?" You whispered so the teacher could hear.
"I can't trust you make good answers though..." He jokingly sighed.
"HEY! Okay or work together for every question to get it done twice as fast? Oh wait but then I'll be the one carrying the team... Bummer..." You stretched the corners of your mouth until your lips disappeared.
"I honestly don't feel like doing work so lose-lose." He pouted and rolled his eyes.
"Same... I can't even focus, I'm having a rough morning..." You openly admitted, "I got sent to detention for being late in my first class."
"Detention? Didn't think you were the type." Jaeyun had an unexpectedly sweet giggle which contrasted with his lower tone voice, "Heeseung and Sunghoon get sent often, surprised they aren't kicked out of the school."
"They get sent often?!" Your voice rose to which you quickly quieted down to avoid trouble, "Will I see them there?"
"Why? Looking forward to going now?" Jaeyun whispered with a grin, causing you to scoff.
"As if..." A sudden idea coming to mind, "Say Jaeyun... About the party... Heard you guys have a place in the woods...?" You became aware that you could pry some information out of him that would help you when searching the woods that night.
"Yeah, we do... We don't normally tell people about it." He said casually yet still with some sort of caution.
"So why tell us then?"
"Haven't had any visitors in a while..." Jaeyun toyed with his mechanical pencil, using the plastic part to trace around his lips, "Awfully interested aren't you?" He seemed to have caught on to your intentions, shifting the mood of the conversation around in a full 180.
Suddenly the dream you had earlier slipped into mind, causing you to sit in growing discomfort, "What do you want from my friends and I?"
"Nothing sweetheart... We're more interested in you than your dormmates. You look like someone we know." He laughed like a psycho and it creeped you out how the two of you were just poking lighthearted jokes to something much darker and mysterious, "I know you're afraid of us, you know far more than most girls." His voice dropped to a whisper as he watched the teacher behind you to make sure he didn't see the both of you slacking.
"Kyungeun knows your secrets too she said she'll tell me."
"She's acting like we don't know her secrets." Jaeyun closed his textbook, "Y/N just remember this, Kyungeun is half as bad as we are and half as pure as you are."
"Alright class, that's it for today's class. This textbook assignment won't be due until Friday have a good lunch." The teacher interrupted, causing your conversation with Jaeyun to end on a hanging note.
"Good luck with detention."Jaeyun hushed in your ear.
_______________
p.s, i changed the cover lol don’t make fun of my photoshop skills!
#heeseung fic#lee heeseung fanfic#jay fanfic#enhypen jay fic#park jongseong fanfic#park jongseong fic#park sunghoon fic#sunghoon fic#sunghoon fanfic#sim jaeyun fanfic#enhypen jake fanfic#enhypen jake fic#kim sunoo fic#sunoo fanfic#yang jungwon fanfic#jungwon fic#nishimura riki fanfic#nishimura riki fic#niki enhypen fic#niki enhypen fanfic#enhypen au
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Those Nights — Shinsou Hitoshi x Reader
Hey guys this is a part of a collab piece run by @therainroguefanfiction the prompt was “__ is concerned because y/n isn’t sleeping.” Check out the other fics in this collab and enjoy!
TW: This fic is based off of the recovery process of child grooming. Although it does not explicitly go into the child grooming, this fic may be triggering to those who are victims of it. Child grooming is a form of abuse and manipulation and is not being romanticized. This fic is specifically based off of a depressive episode and comfort from it. If you experience depression and fear reading it might trigger depressive thoughts please do not read. Some of the effects mentioned in this fic are hysteria, self-criticism, and vomiting. If you are sensitive to any of these topics, please do not read. This fic was not written to romanticize any of these topics, but are to spread awareness of the issue and the recovery process. Various resources to help can be found here, if you have any to expand this list with hotlines in the US or other countries please add them or dm me and I’ll add them. I hope if any of you are going through something similar you are able to get help and get out of the situation unscathed.
Note: This fic also mentions an unnamed “he” that is being used to reference the child groomer. This is not well established in the fic as I did not want to go far into the subject especially for the collab piece. There will likely be another version of this fic with the omitted parts; however, since the “he” is only referenced twice in the fic, to make the distinction between the “he” and Shinsou, “he” will be bolded.
Shinsou stared at his phone for a solid ten seconds. You did not just ignore him with an 8-Ball game, not that this was anything new to him. You had the horrible habit of blowing off people’s concern for you with jokes and by changing the subject, which was usually pretty effective. However, after being with you for almost a year, Shinsou had hoped you would drop this habit around him, or at least be a little more open with him. But the last time he saw you upset, you were on campus sitting on a bench, crying your eyes out from what you insisted were allergies. Though, no matter how much you denied something was wrong, Shinsou was always there for you, helping you through it the best he could. Even before the two of you started dating, he was by your side. Right, before you started dating. Shinsou checked the date on his phone and slapped his head realizing why you were doing this. Not wasting a second, he threw a shirt on and grabbed his keys, getting ready to drive to your apartment. He practically ran to his car, legs not moving fast enough to ease his mind. All he could do was pray that he could get to you before you did something stupid.
You stared at your phone, hands shaking as you stared at your last message: “Read 2:59.” Maybe he was right; you drive everyone away. Even Shinsou who promised to be with you as much as he can. He couldn’t even stomach the thought of replying to you. You were leaned over your toilet, feeling the bile build in the back of your throat, a nasty side effect that came with bawling your eyes out. You thought you would pass out if this kept going on. You shook your head. No, Shinsou knew something was wrong. He always had a knack for it, which you both hated and greatly appreciated. Your phone buzzed as if to confirm your theory. Just a simple “open your door” text from Shinsou, but it did so much for your ease of mind. You doused your face in water and rinsed out your mouth to rid it of the leftover taste of vomit. Patting yourself dry, you tried your hardest to not get a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, knowing you were a mess and, it would only make matters worse to see evidence of it. Opening the door, you tried your hardest to appear composed. He didn’t even give you a chance to say anything before flinging himself onto you, engulfing you in a warm hug.
“God, I’m so glad you’re okay. I should’ve come over sooner. I’m so sorry.” His warm breath tickled your ear as he pressed your face into his chest. At that moment, it was just the two of you. Not the man that had engrained himself into your head for years. You were free of him. Shinsou’s hand rubbed your head soothingly, the other one holding your back like he was scared you’d slip away. “Never again,” he whispered, his slight stubble scratching against your skin. “I’m never letting go of you again.” And you understood why he was saying that. He had heard some of the words echoing in your head before. He knew of the things you wanted to do.
You tilted your head up, eyes still red and swollen stared up at Shinsou. “I’m sorry for being such a burden. I’m sure the last thing you want to be doing right now is comforting me. You can go home, Toshi. I’ll be fine.” That was a lie. You didn’t know what would happen to you if Shinsou decided to leave you here. But you didn’t want him to feel as if he was forced to stay with you. So you lied through your teeth, trying to brush off those who cared for you.
You felt a sharp pain on your forehead. Did he just flick you? “Did you not listen to what I just said, dumbass? I’m not leaving.” He let out a heavy sigh, trying his best to stifle the yawn that tried to escape with it. The last thing he wanted was for you to recognize how tired he was. “You don’t have to talk about it. But please stop pushing me away, I’m not going to let you go through this alone. Just let me be here with you.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “I promise you that you’re anything but a burden. It’s my choice to be with you. No one forced me to drive over here at 3 am, got it? I did it because I love you and, I care for you and, I’m going to keep reminding you until you get it through that thick skull of yours.”
“It’s not thick, you meanie,” you pouted. “It hurts where you flicked it.” You were partially joking, but Shinsou still laughed at your pain like the big jerk he was. He pushed your hair out of your face so that your forehead was entirely visible. You felt him rub his thumb against the spot he flicked earlier before placing a kiss there.
“Better now?”
“No, it still hurts. Maybe you have to kiss it again.” Rather than calling you needy, like he usually would, he happily complied, giving your forehead peck after peck. He slowly worked his way around your face, his lips not missing a single spot. Not having shaved, his stubble tickled your cheek, causing you to pull away with a scrunched nose.
Shinsou let out a joking huff. "Oh so now you don't want me, huh?" He reached out his arms to grab for you and you jumped to escape his grasp. “Come here. Let me love you, kitten.” You shook your head before taking off running as he chased you through your apartment. Despite the two of you being exhausted, the chase lasted for a few minutes until Shinsou cornered you in the kitchen between the wall and counters. You eyed freedom just over the countertop, but before you had made the leap, he had wrapped you between his arms with no escape. “Come on, you need to go to bed. I know you’re exhausted.” Your feet left the ground as your boyfriend threw you over his shoulder. In spite of Shinsou being so sweet to you earlier, he didn’t hesitate to roughly drop you on your bed.
“Where are you going?” you asked as you watched him walk away from you. He wasn’t leaving, was he? Was everything he said earlier all talk and now he’s trying to escape getting stuck with you? He stared back at you as if you had truly lost it.
“I still have to piss, dummy. I’ll be back in 15 seconds tops. I’ll even leave the door open for you, kitten.”
“You better spend more than 15 seconds in there. Wash your hands, you nasty.” He let out a laugh and entered the bathroom. He actually did leave the door open, which strangely put your mind at ease. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust Shinsou to come back, it was that you didn’t trust yourself to be good enough for him to want to come back to. How many people did you know who would willingly go out of their way to comfort you at 3 am?
A hard thump interrupted your thoughts as Shinsou threw himself onto your bed. He opened his arms for you to crawl into and you did so happily. You reminded yourself that you were worthy of love and you always would be. You shifted your body so your head was resting on his chest and his arm was wrapped tightly around your body, rubbing circles in your back in attempt to lull you to sleep. “I love you so much.” You could feel the vibrations in his chest as he spoke to you. “I promise you that I love you more than anything in this world. Nothing is going to happen to you when you’re with me. I won’t let any of your thoughts get to you. No matter how bad those nights get, I’ll be right here.” And he sealed that promise with a kiss to your temple as you drifted off to sleep.
#bnhasanctuarycollab#shinsou x reader#shinso x reader#shinsou#shinso#shinso hitoshi#hitoshi#shinsou hitoshi#bnha x reader#reader insert#x reader#Shinsou x you#hitoshi shinsou#Hitoshi shinso#shinsou hitoshi x reader#potentially triggering#tw depression#tw#trigger warning#tw grooming#tays fics#fics
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To Draw A Bigger Picture
Chasing The Flames Chapter 9
When the movie finished, Jaemin was going to ask your opinion on the movie, when he noticed you had fallen asleep on his shoulder.
Just as Chenle was about to scream about something yet again, Jeno shut him up, muffling his loud voice.
" Y/N's asleep. Be quite. "
"Do you think we should wake her up? "
" It's already 11 plus. I don't think it'll be safe for her to go back home alone now, just let her sleep. " Renjun said.
Jaemin picks up Y/N, bridal style, and carries her into his and Jeno's room.
" We'll share. I'll let her sleep in my bed. " Jaemin said to Jeno.
Jeno separated their beds that were previously placed together, as Jaemin lays Y/N gently down the warm sheets.
I woke up on a warm bed with a fluffy blanket draped over me. I was clueless at where I was at, until I remembered falling asleep during the movie.
I rolled over to the other side to see Jaemin awake on his phone.
" Jaemin? "
" Y/N? You're awake? Do I need to get you anything? Water maybe? Do you want a change of more comfortable clothing? "
" Yeah, sorry. I'm so clumsy, I shouldn't have fell asleep, now I'm a burden to you. "
" It's fine, Y/N. You're not a burden, it's nice that you're sleeping over. We haven't had guests before. "
Jaemin said as he was looking for some clothes in the wardrobe.
Jaemin passes me a pair of sweats and a sweater and tells me to change in the bathroom.
When I put on the sweater I realised it was a Balenciaga sweater.
I walked out of the bathroom to see Jaemin holding up a cup of water for me, I gratefully took it and took a large sip.
" Jaemin, this is too expensive for normal people like me to wear. You should've given me something else. "
Jaemin looks at me with a comforting smile on his face.
" It's okay, Y/N. I rarely wear this anymore. It looks better on you anyways. Keep it. "
" But... "
" Uh, uh, no buts. Head to bed, or you'll be tired tomorrow. "
I climbed back into bed, secretly thankful for the good material of the clothing for keeping me warm in this chilly night.
" Jaemin? "
" Hmm? "
" Talk me to sleep. "
" What do you want to know about? "
" How did you get together with Jeno? "
The both of you were whispering, in fear of waking up Jeno who was sleeping on Jaemin's side, but I couldn't hear everything he said, so Jaemin pulled my bed closer to his.
" It wasn't a spur in the moment thing, it was more of a gradual built up of feelings, since we've known each other for a long time. We didn't really consider dating girls because of the risk, we're both bisexual. Us getting together was something that was fated to happen I guess, haha. Even though we didn't have any other choices, we never took it as a last resort. It's a blessing if you ask me, finding a sweet guy like him. He might seem aloof or shy sometimes, but he's a hopeless romantic deep inside. "
" You guys look really good together. "
" Really? Thank you. We should get some sleep. Goodnight, Y/N. "
" Goodnight. "
" You guys talked and you didn't wake me up? " Jeno shook his head in disbelief.
Jeno woke up to a scene that made him felt left out.
Y/N was cuddled into Jaemin's side, apparently the small little gap didn't do much difference.
" We should wake her up. "
Jaemin shook his head, disagreeing.
" If we do that, she'll feel embarrassed. Why don't you lie down next to me? Wait for her to wake up and act like this didn't happen. "
" She'd want that? "
" She's still confused about her feelings I think, it's best we don't push her like that, she might shy away if she wakes up to us needing to explain. She'll feel guilty. "
Jeno was grateful for Jaemin's skillful way of reading people's emotions, and laid back down the bed, an arm slinging over Jaemin's waist.
" I'd like to wake up to this again. "
" Me too, Jeno. We'll just have to wait and treat her better. "
When I woke up, I could smell a nice cotton scent, in my sleepy state, I nuzzled my nose to the source of the scent, but instead of a blanket or pillow, my nose hit something hard.
' Wait. Where am I again? '
' Dream's dorms, right. I'm sleeping on the couch? No, I remember Jaemin moved me to the bed. Wait, that's it. Jaemin's sleeping beside me. Oh shit. '
I slowly opened my eyes to see Jaemin sleeping peacefully right next to me.
I gently untangled my arms from his embrace and backed further away from him.
When I was at a safe distance from Jaemin and Jeno, I quickly got off the bed into the connected bathroom to splash some water on my face to stop it from heating up.
After checking my appearance in the mirror, I padded out of the bathroom back into their room.
The both of them were awake now, looking at their phones.
" Sorry. Did I wake you guys up? "
" Nah, we just got hungry. We have a new toothbrush in the cupboard under the sink, use it. "
" Thank you. "
When you finished washing up, you walked to the kitchen to see Renjun cooking.
" What's for breakfast? "
" Egg sandwich. "
" This looks good. Smells good too. "
" Wait till you try it, Y/N. It's the best. "
" Yes, coming from our demanding food critic, Park Jisung. "
" I got the recipe from Birds of Prey. "
" Wow, no wonder it looks and smells so good. I love bacon. "
Suddenly I felt a hand placed on shoulder, I turned my head back to see Jeno smiling at me.
" Morning. "
" Morning, you look nice, with the glasses. "
" Really? I didn't like the way I looked with them. "
" Don't worry, your fans like them. "
" Why are you so sure? "
" According to your fan accounts. "
" You've been keeping tabs on me with fan accounts? "
' Shit. I can't let him know that I'm following his fan accounts. '
" N-no. I just so happened to have read that from somewhere. "
Jeno had a knowing smile on his face, but he didn't seem annoyed that you were low key fangirling over him.
" Just text or call me if you want to know what I'm up to. "
He then grabbed an egg sandwich and sat down on the dining table.
I could feel the tension between the both of us. Or was it my own imagination?
It's probably my own assumptions in my early morning hazy mind.
" Y/N, take one. Be careful, it might still be hot. "
" Thanks, Renjun. "
I took a bite into my sandwich, the bacon had just the right crunch and the eggs and cheese were as soft as clouds.
" It's perfect, Renjun. "
" Glad you like it. "
I moved to the dining table to finish up the sandwich. When I sat down, with my mouth full of sandwich, Jeno took a photo of me out of the blue.
" Jeno! I look like shit in the morning. Why did you take a photo of me? "
" You don't look like shit. You look adorable, with your cheeks full of food. "
" Oh god... Here's comes the first cursed photo of me within 2 months of knowing you guys. "
" You haven't even looked at Jaemin's. Let me show you. "
" Yah. Stop right there, Lee Jeno. Don't ruin my reputation of being the cutest in NCT Dream. "
Jaemin said as he sat down to have breakfast.
Jeno did a puking face at him and continued eating his breakfast.
Not long after, we sat down to play Jenga in the living room.
Donghyuck was cursing at the blocks when they fell in his hands while Jeno kept winning.
When it was around noon, you packed up and papered to leave.
" I'll leave the extra groceries here for the next time you cook, maybe I'll pop in soon. "
" You better, Y/N. Before Chenle and Jisung eat everything. "
" Yah, Renjun hyung! "
As I stepped out of their dorms, I heard footsteps following me out. I looked back to see Jeno and Jaemin smiling at me.
" We're walking you to the bus station. "
" It's fine, Jaemin. It's still early, I'll be safe. Plus I don't want fans to spot us and get the wrong idea. "
" Okay, but give us a call when you're home. "
Jaemin was about to reject my idea, but Jeno beat him to it.
" Will do. "
" Bye, Jeno, Jaemin. "
" Bye, Y/N. "
I walked to the bus station reluctantly, not wanting to leave them.
" So, do the both of you consider today a success? "
" Chenle ah, you're too young to ask these things. "
" But Jeno hyung, I'm 20. I'm an adult. "
" Lele ah, you'll always be a baby in our eyes. But Jeno I think it's fine to tell him anything that's PG13. "
" I'll buy you coffee afterwards, Jaemin hyung. "
" Okay, fine. To answer your question, yes. I think today was a success. "
" Do you think she likes you guys? I think she does. "
" How are you so sure, Chenle ah? "
" Just a gut feeling. Plus, she looks at you and Jaemin differently from how she looks at us. Focus on the eyes, hyung. "
" The way you said that would've made any girl running for the hills, Lele. "
The next day I went into the office, I was greeted by Mr Kang beckoning me into a meeting.
" What's this meeting for? "
" Dream's comeback. From the looks of it based on what the marketing team has been working on, it's going to be one of the best projects we're going to be working on this year. "
After the meeting, it has been concluded that Mr Kang and I are going to be a part of the photoshoot, the stages and the music video, it's going to be my first time working with video making, making me giddy inside.
I immediately went to Dream's recording room to tell them about the good news.
As I walked in, Jeno was in the studio, recording his lines. He looked really serious and professional, just like when he modelled for you.
Butterflies erupted in my stomach as I thought of that day in their dorms, the way the three of us were cooking just gave me so much domestic feels towards them.
I snapped out of my thoughts as I heard someone call my name.
" Hey,Renjun. How's the recording going? "
" It's great. The concept is cool and we're getting both singing and rapping parts in the album. "
" Wow, that's going to sound fresh. Chenle must be really happy about getting a chance to rap. "
" Yeah, he's nervous though, he's been practicing for a long time now. " Renjun said as he points towards a rarely quite Chenle sitting on the couch, practicing his lines.
" Oh, I won't disturb him then. How about Jaemin? "
" He went out to buy coffee, Jisung and Hyuck tagged along. "
" And this is his? "
" Second for the day. "
" That boy seriously has an unhealthy obsession. "
" For now there's three things he's obsessed with, coffee, sugar, and Jeno. "
" Not a balanced meal if you ask me. "
" He never listens. It's great of you to drop by. Who are you looking for? "
" Oh, right. I just got the news that I'm going to be involved in your comeback for both photoshoot and mv. "
" Really? That's great. "
" The pay is great too. I'll take you guys out for lunch after your first win. "
" I'll hold onto that. It's lunch time now. We're ordering take out, want some? "
" Sure. "
Suddenly the door burst open, and Jaemin comes storming in with open arms and one of the brightest smiles I had ever seen, enveloping me into a hug.
" Aww, Y/N came to visit us. We missed you lots. "
" I missed you guys too, but if you don't let me go I'm going to die from lack of oxygen, Nana. "
Jaemin let's you go and opted to put his head on your shoulder, sipping his coffee.
" What did I say about too much coffee, Jaem? "
" Last one for today, I promise. "
He suddenly shoots up from his spot and goes over to the plastic bag.
" This is for you, hot cocoa. But you're sharing half of it to Chenle. "
" But...
" No buts. I won't be able to sleep tonight if your lactose intolerant acts up. "
He says as he pours you your portion of the drink.
" How did you know I was here? "
" I texted him. "
" How was your day, Y/N? "
" I just finished a meeting with the marketplace department and they decided that Mr Kang and I are going to be heavily involved in your comeback. "
" Really? "
" Yup. "
" That's great. I hope we're doing field trips for photos again. "
The way Jaemin looked at me like he has stars in his eyes was a sight to behold, but that's normal, for his natural flirty behaviour, I pushed those feelings deep down. I can't fall for Jeno and Jaemin, that's wrong, they're together.
I drank my hot cocoa in silence, a small frown tugging at the corner of my lips.
" Take out's here. I'll go collect it. "
" Y/N? "
" Jeno. Was recording smooth? "
" Yeah. Better than what I had expected. "
" Lee Jeno always has high standards. He's been cooped up in there for too long. "
" I just wanted to try different styles. I'm really hungry though, is the food coming soon? "
" Yeah. Renjun just went out to collect it. "
" Don't be too hard on yourself, Jeno. You need rest too. "
" I will. Don't worry. "
Jeno reached a hand up to pat my head as he sits on the couch opposite from me, his eye smile evident.
I really hope I'm not blushing now, it'll be too embarrassing to show up in front of them ever again if I did.
When Renjun came back with the food, I quickly placed down the money for the food and made up an excuse about a non existing meeting that needs me there in 20 minutes.
I grabbed the lunch box and left all of them after bidding hasty goodbyes.
When I reached my desk in the office, I was relieved to have got myself out of this mess that I put myself into, slumping into the office chair with a squeak.
' When will I ever get over with my schoolgirl crush towards them? '
#nct fluff#nct smut#nct drabbles#nct 127#nct angst#nct imagines#nct dream#nct scenarios#nct soft imagines#nct u#nct dream jisung#nct dream jeno#nct dream jaemin#jeno smut#jeno fluff#jaemin fluff#jaemin smut#jaemin#jeno#nct taeyong#nct mark#nct dream smut#nct dream chenle#nct dream renjun
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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE: MUN & MUSE
fill out & repost ♥ this meme definitely favors canons more, but i hope oc’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. multimuses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.
tagged by: stolen from @oneshallfall like.... months ago. im a slow gremlin hjksd. it's been in my drafts and i finally decided to finish the last few sections while working on clearing them out
tagging: steal it
MY MUSE IS. canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless
is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO.
is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? Well.../ NO / IDK. (i know optimus is but i don’t really... know about orion? i have seen a handful of fanartists who turn him into a very sexualized moe baby but i’m not sure about the fandom at large)
is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.
are they underrated? YES / NO. (lmao there’s like no fan content with him unless it’s with megatronus)
were they relevant to the main story? YES / NO.
were they relevant to the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.
are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. (not yet.... lol)
how’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.
HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?
This... this is a trick question in this goddamn mess of a continuity. That said, I try my absolute best to make my portrayal coherent with the TFP show... even if said show contradicts itself at times. I take inspiration from the earlier parts (the thirteen primes section) of the Covenant of Primus for his origin backstory, but ignore the rest of the Covenant since it makes absolutely no sense with his characterization in... literally anything else. I’ve peeked at Exodus and it utterly sucks, but I’ve picked up bits and pieces of concepts that originated there just from spending time in the fandom. Aside from that... I spend a ton of time thinking about how to weave everything together in a way that both makes sense and makes for a character development arc.
SELL YOUR MUSE! (aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.)
Orion is genuinely kind, thoughtful, and introspective, very loving of the world around him.
He’s also a more complex character than is initially obvious - despite mostly being good sweet pure baby nerd he’s still flawed, with many of those flaws being his strengths put into the wrong situation. His strong morals can lead to dogmatism, and he’s only slightly less likely to deliver lectures than Optimus. His determination to be kind and help everyone can come off as unintentionally patronizing at times; he has a very “well-intentioned semi-privileged middle class” perspective that he’s not always self-aware of. However, he’s also willing to look at himself critically and learn/adapt.
Essentially, he has many of the same traits as Optimus... just more or less apparent and/or developed. He's less confident than he eventually becomes through his future experience with leadership, wanting to change the world for the better but sometimes struggling to ground his plans in reality—something that continues to apply, but with reduced intensity and frequency over time. Idealistic cinnamon roll will eventually develop some realism, though never really quite enough. His selflessness remains a strength for now, but we know that eventually it will dip into martyristic tendencies.
NOW THE OPPOSITE! (list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)
He could be potentially ‘boring’ in some senses. he’s the polite, considerate ‘next door’ type, who has for most of his life has just lived as a very average middle caste nobody. He’s more laid-back than he eventually becomes as optimus, but where others might get into trouble and shenanigans he’s most likely to just express concern. And since I try to keep him at least mostly ic, even with non-serious posts, this can derail ‘fun’ stuff and I fear dissuade some interaction.
While I try my best to give him realistic flaws that work with his character, he could still be seen as a little too good. very kind, understanding, forgiving, patient, considerate... almost endlessly so. A lot of my “he’s so good and pure” interpretation comes from using his having been the thirteenth prime as backstory, where he was pretty much the epitome of that, but some might not like the “he was a literal deity in a past life” idea for its “super special chosen one protagonist” elements.
His responsiveness to his environment can also be a downside. He’s not the type to start things; he just reacts and responds, standing his ground and finding himself when things get crazy around him. without megatronus, he may have eventually attempted political campaigning, but it wouldn’t have gotten very far. He needs to have more intense characters or events around him for major plots to really go places. Without those nothing would ever happen besides slice of life fluff, because he’s content with that kind of life.
WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?
Honestly I just wanted to write op/ratch fhsjkdjsdh. But I also wanted to be able to interact with a variety of muses and so I chose Orion over Optimus because he’s not so emotionally closed off, which I figured would give more flexibility beyond the handful of characters op would reasonably have close personal and/or plot-important relationships with. Also, I can relate to him on a thought-process level which lets me get into his head easily, which additionally made him an appealing choice for my first real rp muse.
WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING?
I just love him so much, especially with the layers of his character I've built up around him. I don't always have inspiration to write or rp, but I think about him a lot. When I do find motivation to write, it's generally out of wanting to continue to work on developing him and just having a chance to express his characterization.
SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.
do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO.
do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO.
do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO. (i should do it more...)
do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO.
are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO. (at least most days fhsdhfskj)
are you confident in your writing? YES / NO. (it waxes and wanes. I know I'm a good writer but I could still be better...)
are you a sensitive person? YES / NO.
DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?
I’ll be honest; I’ve never gotten criticism. I haven’t been here very long in comparison to some and I’ve never been that popular, so I figure I’m pretty easy to just ignore. I guess how I would feel about it would depend on what it was and how it was delivered, though I like to think I would be reasonable regardless
DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?
yes? yes absolutely?
IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?
I would be curious to hear their reasoning, but I think enough about how everything fits together that chances are I would agree to disagree
IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT?
Depends on if their disagreement makes sense. Maybe I’ll give back my own reasoning for why I characterize the way I do. Maybe I’ll just agree to disagree, if their view is just totally different from mine. If they have valid points I’ll probably overthink it and spiral into self doubt. In all cases I’ll spill my thoughts to friends on discord.
IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?
......Orion in general or? ... fhsjkdhf...... Well if it was mine specifically that might hurt lol. But at the same time.... I doubt i’d agree with their takes either so... fair enough.
ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?
Sure. I’m good at grammar so if something glaring is there it’s probably a typo I missed and I’ll be grateful for the chance to edit it out before more people see it lol
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?
Yeah. I’m pretty quiet most of the time because I just don’t have energy to talk to a lot of people, and I never want to get caught in drama. I honestly wouldn’t know what to do in a situation like that. I tend to avoid conflict, I’m quick to apologize, and polite with anyone I don’t know very well.
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Hello everyone!
So yeah this is my first attempt at publishing something that I have written.
This fanfiction is something which I had thought of writing but never got the guts to publish it. After seeing all works of @reinosaurs gave me a push that maybe I can also do it. @reinosaurs this person is great and has supported me even without knowing me,so I am very grateful.
That being said let me give you a little preface kind of thing for the fanfiction
This one is based on koitsudu (an incurable case of love / love last forever)
So every knows how heroically tendo saves sakura from the stalker tazawa but in the end sakura gets hurt after all 😪 ( well that was a sad scene and also a touching scene)
So anyway what my crazy mind came up with is what if the stalker came back in to their life?
So here it is...
💜
Terrified
It was after nine that nanase was able to go back home after a crazy day at hospital with all the new emergency patients due to an accident near the hospital.
"Ah! I am tired!"She exclaimed to no-one in particular. Well, it was not everyday that she had to walk home back by herself, sensei walks with her whenever he can, however, today was not the case as he had to stay back for more time than required. Her relationship with tendo sensei had became stronger after her accident,that had left him terrified at idea of losing her. He had become more attentive towards her than before and was not afraid to voice his concerns more often or did not hold back on profusing his love for her.
She so was lost in her thoughts that she didn't realize that she had already entered the lift of her apartment building. She pressed her floor number button and waited for her floor. She hurriedly got out of the lift, wanting to do nothing but sleep.
However, as she took steps towards her apartment, she was shocked to find it forcefully wrenched open. Her heart thumped loudly enough for her to hear it. She knew instantly that this was bad. She clearly remembered that she locked the door in the morning when she was leaving for work. Numerous possibilities ran through her mind of what could be the possible reason of the break-in. She wanted to go in and check as to what has happened, but she knew better than to go in an open apartment. For all she knew danger still might be lurking inside.
She ran back inside the elevator to go down where she could be safe with other people constantly coming in and out of the building. Ryuoko was not there, so going inside her and sensei's apartment was out of option. Calling dr.kisugi was also out of option because she knew he was currently in a surgery. The only thing she could do now was to call tendo sensei, she knew he was on duty but she didn't knew what else to do. Taking out her phone from her jacket with trembling hands she called him.
"Sakura" he said as he picked up on the third ring. Hearing his voice made her a bit relieved but the emotion she was holding back came out in sob.She didn't know she had been crying until now."What's wrong? Why are you crying?"He asked panicked at the sound of her crying. Mustering up her strength she choked out " Sensei.... I think someone might have broken into my apartment....I don't know what to do ...I am scared sensei" she broke out in heavy sob feeling all the fear coming up once again.
"Nanase, I want you to calm down for me and get to a safe place, away from your apartment, I am on my way" He said calmly as possible, but he was anything but calm. Fear and anger were crippling inside of him at thought of her scared and helpless. "Don't worry, I will be there soon" he added. " ok sensei" she replied softly, drained out from the fear.He was already on the way back home walking slowly before her call. After her call all he could think of was to reach to her and keep her safe.
He was at the threshold when he saw a pale sakura pacing the lobby in fear. Her frown made him realize that how much scared she was.Taking long strides he engulfed her in a hug. Pulling her closer to make sure she was safe .
At first she stiffened, but she relaxed upon realizing who it was. They stayed like that for a minute, then he reluctantly moved and took her face in his both hands studying her and when he saw that she was alright he relaxed a bit. " you didn't go inside did you?" He asked, she shook her head " As much as I wanted to check what happened, I knew stepping in without knowing what happened would be risky" she said with a grimace."I am glad you didn't," he said taking her hands in his and giving them a small squeeze telling her that she was safe. He pulled away from her reluctantly. As much as he wanted to stay there with her, he had to see for himself as to what happened. "we will go up now, but under no circumstances are you allowed to follow me inside and until I am satisfied you are going to wait for me outside" he orders her firmly.She nodded, knowing no amount of argument was going to back him down.
They got on the lift, both waiting in silence as thick cloud of tension and fear surrounded them. They got off on their floor. He turned towards her and gave a gentle but firm order for her to stay behind him. As he made his way towards her apartment, he got sick feeling and that feeling only intensified when he entered her apartment and saw her trashed apartment. Everything was destroyed, clothes were shredded, all her vases were destroyed, her bed was destroyed to that extent that he wouldn't even call it a bed now,her study table was a mess too everything was scattered around as if the person who did was mad at something. The only thing that was intact was her mirror which had an angry red colored message written on it "you will be mine."He was frozen in fear for what felt like an eternity. He didn't realize for how long he had stood there staring at the mirror in horror until a soft gasp brought him out of his shock. He turned to see nanase standing behind taking in the scenario of her once sweet home with fear and sadness. She was trembling so much and her once dried up tears were replaced with new once.
He quickly moved her out of her apartment and started pushing towards his apartment. Entering his apartment he dragged her towards his couch and made her sit down and took off her coat and draped her with a blanket. He knew she was out of it, but still told here to stay put and went outside to make few calls.
Ps. Hope you enjoy this first part of the fanfiction,I originally wanted to finish in one or two parts like a one shot but as you can see I tend to go a little overboard on details 😅. I am working on the other parts and hope to complete them soon. Constructive criticisms are welcome on any factor whether it's my writing skill ( which I really don't have lol) or even grammar.
Always be kind and supportive to others!❤
Thank you!
#koitsudu#love lasts forever#an incurable case of love#koi wa tsuzuku yo dokomademo#satoh takeru#mone kamishiraishi#koitsudufanfic
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For You: 4 O’Clock
Taglist: @jineunwootrash @jamies-kpop-reactions
If you would like to be added to the taglist of any of this blog’s works, please ask!
Note: This is the final ‘official’ part of 4 O’Clock! It’s kinda sweet how this story has wrapped up on SuperM’s one year anniversary! I can guarantee that you will see some of these characters again! I will likely revisit Lei and Taemin through drabbles; any questions or requests about them would be very much appreciated!
Epilogue: Part 2
6. Daydream
"I love you," Taemin whispers against my neck, tightening his grip around my waist and pulling me flush with him.
My room— our room— has been dark and quiet for almost an hour now, so he likely assumes that I have fallen asleep. I think I might have been sleeping, but Taemin’s voice is a blinding light that disrupts even the deepest darkness. I can't sleep while it shines, and I will never want to try. Without opening my eyes, I strain to make out every word muffled by my skin, warmed by his touch.
"My Lei, never forget that I love you. Never forget the road that leads to me. Never—"
He gasps, and I fear for a moment that he is crying. Before I can roll over to wipe his tears, he holds me closer and continues speaking in an unwavering voice. "If you see me in a time when our paths do not seem destined to cross, never forget that we will end every day together. Even when we are apart, we're looking at the same sky, counting the same stars, and reaching for the same moon."
My heart is caught somewhere in my throat, making it hard to breathe. What can I possibly say? Nothing.
There is nothing to say, so I lace my fingers through Taemin's to remind him that our paths have crossed and they will never separate; we have proven our love under the same sky; and I will never let go of his hand.
. . .
When I awaken, Taemin is sitting at the edge of the bed, tugging a white t-shirt— the one I wore yesterday, I think— over his chest. After wiping the sleep fogging my eyes, I squint to see that he is already wearing sweatpants and a pair of shoes. He is going somewhere before the sun has broken through the curtains or even through the clouds.
I'm too tired to mask the disappointment from my voice, too tired to control or question the tears welling in my eyes as I ask, "Where are you going, Taeminnie?"
My voice makes Taemin jump. Laughing at his overreaction, he bends to kiss my sleep swollen lips. "I tried not to wake you, baby. I meet Jongin at the studio to practice every morning." His voice is softer than ever; his gaze is gentler than ever; my heart beats harder than ever, and I know why.
This morning is the beginning of our forever together; the forever in which I have surrendered to him completely; the forever in which there is no part of me untouched or unchanged by our love.
As he pushes my hair out of my eyes, Taemin doesn't realize that I am falling for him again. He must not feel that I melt into him with every glance. He continues, "Then, this afternoon, I'm going shopping with Mom. The decor in that room across the hall is a little too gloomy for me."
"Do you have to go right now?" My voice sounds tiny, childish, and very much unlike mine. Weirdly, though, I don't feel embarrassed. I don't feel vulnerable or exposed. "Can't we— can't we stay in bed all day like we wanted to on my debut anniversary? Can't you stay with me a little longer?"
Because my eyelids have fluttered shut, and I am adrift in that beautiful place between asleep and awake, I don't see Taemin's reaction to my plea. I hear it; I hear the faint creaking of mattress springs as he lowers himself back by my side. I feel it; I feel the cold winter morning air raising goosebumps on my skin as he lifts the quilt; I feel his warmth as he tucks us in and carefully lays his weight atop me.
I pull him closer and tuck my face into the crook of his neck, seeking to fit with him perfectly. His skin muffles my question: "Will Jongin be upset?"
"No, baby." Taemin trails his fingertips from the tops of my shoulders to my wrists to lace his fingers through mine. "He won't be upset. He'll understand that we want to be together. He knows how much I love you. He knows that I'll do anything you ask."
"Anything?" I wish he could see how I smile around the word.
Taemin releases one of my hands to comb his fingers through my hair. "Anything, my Lei."
My heart swells and thunders. The subtle vibrations of his voice give life to the butterflies in my stomach. As if he doesn't know, I admit, "I'll do anything you ask too."
I daydream about his smile as he says, "Anything?"
"Anything, my Taemin."
"Then kiss me, please," Taemin pleads, tugging slightly on my hair to convince me to look at him. "Kiss me until you fall back to sleep."
"I can't fall asleep kissing you!" I whine, hooking my free hand around his waist, pulling him closer and closer still.
Closing my eyes, I remember it in perfect detail: the first time he laid beside me in that hotel room. It's almost like a dream, now. It's funny, beautiful, romantic, and a little bit tragic that dreams and memories can blur together.
Back then, he said, "We can sleep together if you want. What do you think, Lei? Do you think you could sleep like this?"
What was it that I didn't get to say? I'll say it now if I can remember.
"I could not sleep like this. Can't you feel how fast my heart is beating?" My eyes open to look at him. His eyes are smiling. Almost always smiling. "You'll kill me."
Taemin chuckles and argues in a whisper, "No, I won't. And no, I can't quite feel how fast your heart is beating." He connects both of his hands behind my upper back and lays his ear over my heart. "Be quiet now. Let me listen."
We are so close, but we have been closer. I love this. I love life like this. Me and my Taemin blending and blurring and melting together.
"Taemin," I breathe, fighting to keep my eyes closed. "You're waking me up."
Taemin lifts his head and strains to kiss my temple. "Well, baby, I've been wide awake for as long as I can remember. If you're asleep and I'm awake, how will we meet in the middle?"
If this is a riddle, I do not know the answer. I’ve never been good at thinking in riddles. I just know that we meet in the middle every time, and I always forget to count the steps.
7. My Best Friend
“I think I liked Taemin better when he was just your bias,” Lucas huffs while I am trying to enjoy my current favorite SHINee song (“Why So Serious?”).
My favorite SHINee song changes about every other week, and I have this (and every other) music video memorized better than my own choreography, but I don’t appreciate the rude interruption.
Without sitting up, mostly because Lucas’s comforter is almost as cloud-soft as Taemin’s had been in the SuperM house, I swat at Lucas’s shoulder exposed through a sleeveless shirt. His arm is as hard as a rock, so my hand throbs after striking him.
“First of all, that’s mean!” I glare as I blow on my aching knuckles. “What was the point of dragging me into your room to watch music videos if you’re gonna talk shit about my bias-turned-boyfriend the whole time?”
This is my first time watching SHINee since falling in love with Taemin because a.) I didn’t have time to watch very much of anything on tour and b.) I couldn’t comfortably fangirl right in front of Taemin once he insisted on holding me through the night. My heart has always pounded at the sight of him, but it’s different now.
Now, when I hear his voice, my stomach flutters with every memory we have made together. Now, a love-colored blush stains my cheeks every time the camera focuses on him, and I almost instinctively look away. Now, I can’t wait for him to walk off the screen and into my arms so I can melt into him a little more. Now, more than ever, the concepts of soulmate and idol have blurred to create this perfect picture of him: my Taemin.
Now, to be frank, Lucas’s uncharacteristically sour attitude is dampening my smile.
Rubbing at his shoulder, Lucas retorts, “You know I’ve never watched SHINee for Taemin! I like looking at Minho!”
Although my eyes roll, I can’t help but laugh. Lucas’s undying love for his own face manifests in a most peculiar idolization of Minho. I can’t bring myself to criticize him, though. Objectively, Minho is shockingly handsome— even more so in person (or so I’ve gathered from the one time I met him).
“Second of all,” I wheeze as Lucas’s weight leans into me yet again, “for the millionth time, get off of me!”
Using both hands and both feet, I pin Lucas against the wall. His arms and legs flail; he looks like a cockroach.
“Alright!” Lucas screams, so I release him.
I flinch away from him as a reflex. If Mom were home, she would fly up the stairs to defend Lucas at his faintest whimper. Then, I would be in trouble— grounded at 21 years old— all because Mom babies Lucas too much.
Lucas shovels a handful of popcorn into his cheeks until they puff out like a chipmunk’s. His voice is muffled when he grumbles, “You don’t tell Lucas to get off of you.”
“That’s it!” I reach for the remote at the foot of the bed, pause the video, and round on Lucas. “What’s your sudden problem with Taemin? I know you’re not jealous because I let him cuddle with me, so don’t try to pull any funny business. I know you’re upset that he drank your last beer—”
Lucas’s face goes red with rage at the reminder of Taemin’s dinner-time offense. “He didn’t even finish it!”
I shake my head at his pettiness. Maybe I’m missing something because I’ve never liked beer. “But you know Mom’s gonna buy more for you! You know she probably already has a new shipment on the way!”
Lucas’s frown deepens, and I try to continue in a softer voice. Lucas has always been so patient with me; repaying that patience now is the least I can do. “I get that Taemin’s moving in is a big change. It’s going to take some time for all of us to get used to. And believe me— I know it’s annoying that he helps himself to whatever he wants—”
“You got that right,” Lucas mumbles through pouting lips.
“— but that’s no excuse to be mean to him,” I say quietly. “Do you think I want to hear you talk negatively about him? Because if you do—”
My voice breaks as Lucas sits upright to rub at his eyes. Dread, originating as a sharp pang in my gut, washes over me. “Are you— are you crying?”
“It’s not about the beer.” He hugs his knees to his chest, shaking his head. “It’s not about the beer, Lei.”
Guilt is not a strong enough word to describe whatever emotion threatens to tear me apart. Nothing— nothing is worse than when Lucas is sad. Nothing is worse than knowing that somehow, accidentally, in chasing my own happiness, I have hurt my best friend, my brother.
“Well, Lucas,” I mirror his pout as I pat his arm comfortingly, “what is it about?”
His lips tremble before he cries, “I don’t wanna talk about it!” and collapses face-first into a pillow.
If I wasn’t so concerned— if I wasn’t so baffled by his sudden outburst of emotions (as I always am)— I would almost want to laugh at his theatrics. As it is, I tug the black cap from his head and toss it onto the floor so I can card a hand through his hair. This is something Mom used to do when I was upset as a child. The only difference is that she would make me rest my head in her lap; the only difference is that Mom would braid through my hair, and Lucas’s hair is too short to braid.
“We have to talk about it, Lucas.” I tell him what I have learned: “We have to keep our feelings out in the light, otherwise they will metastasize.”
When that doesn’t inspire him to open up, I take the first step forward. Another thing I have learned: taking the first step isn’t that hard when you’re moving toward somebody you love. “I’m sorry that I didn’t warn you about Taemin moving in. This is your home too, and I’m sorry that I didn’t ask about your feelings before he—”
“Dude, Lei.” Lucas rolls onto his back to show me his wrinkled forehead. “Don’t apologize for your happy ending! I’ll be okay! I’ll get past this! It’s just—”
His toothy smile dims as he admits, “I thought I was used to knowing that I’m not the main guy in your life anymore. I thought I accepted it, and I guess I have, kinda. I always knew that you would find Prince Charming and that he wasn’t me. I just— I thought I would always be your best friend.”
“You are my best friend!” I laugh because the idea that anyone could ever take Lucas’s place— even someone that I love as much as Taemin— is the most ridiculous thing I have ever considered. “You’ll always be my best friend! Who else am I gonna tell on the frequent occasion that Taemin tap dances on my last nerve? Who else am I gonna watch SHINee videos with? Who else am I gonna eat popcorn in bed with?”
“You could watch SHINee videos with Taemin,” Lucas claims, picking at a loose thread on his blanket. “You could eat popcorn in bed with Taemin.”
I shake my head so vigorously that I get a bit dizzy. “No, I couldn’t. Taemin talks constantly. You know I can’t stand it when anybody interrupts an Onew descant!”
While Lucas laughs, I add, “And I’m never letting Taemin eat in bed with me; he’s the messiest eater alive!” Rolling my eyes, smiling faintly at this most recent memory, I say, “Right after he moved in, he was eating one of those gooey McDonald’s cookies in my bed, and he got chocolate everywhere.”
Lucas gasps, coming alive with this tiny morsel of gossip. “He got chocolate on the quilt Grandma made for you, sewing love in every stitch?”
Taemin hadn’t actually gotten chocolate anywhere except his fingers, but I was all too willing to privately slander him if that would make Lucas feel better. Grimacing dramatically, I nod my head, and Lucas groans in disgust.
“Well, as annoying as he might be,” Lucas sniffles, “Taemin is the one, you know.”
I gasp not because I haven’t already realized that; I gasp because Lucas has always been opposed to the idea of one great love. He believes that we are shaped by every relationship— romantic, friendly, familial— and that we were not made for a sole soulmate, but he insists, “It’s true! One day, probably soon, you’re gonna get married, and—”
Were it not for the sad dimples forming in his chin, I would fear that Lucas is on the brink of more baby talk. “And you’re gonna be happier than we ever imagined anyone could be! And you know that whenever you’re happy, I’m happy, but—”
Tears glisten in Lucas’s eyes, so they glisten in mine too.
“I’ll feel a teeny tiny bit sad because then Taemin will be Mom’s real son, and I’ll just be a fake son!”
I should have realized that this would somehow lead back to Mom.
“You’re not a fake son.” Even though Mom’s obvious love for Lucas should require no evidence, I offer, “Do you wanna hear something Mom told Heechul one of those times he tried to convince her to kick you out?”
Lucas nods his head.
I force myself not to roll my eyes or shake my head or express any degree of annoyance as I relate, “She said, ‘Lei is my child by blood, but Lucas is my child by choice. I can’t imagine how dull this house would be without him, and I don’t want to, so—’” As Lucas cracks a smile, I burst into laughing— “‘so shut the hell up, Heechul!’”
To ensure that Lucas’s smile doesn’t fade, I say, “Taemin is one of Mom’s kids now because I’ve fallen in love with him, but you—” I poke him in the ribs, just below his armpits, right where I know he is most ticklish, and delight in his laughter that has painted all of my happiest days— “you have always been Mom’s favorite because you’re the brightest sunspot in the universe! You’ll always be her favorite, so—”
While I am blinking, Lucas tackles me onto his bed and spills the bowl of popcorn onto the blanket. It’s hard to breathe under his weight; he’s much heavier than he looks, and I wasn’t prepared to defend myself.
Although repeating this request— this command— is a waste of limited breath, the words tumble out of my mouth anyway, “Get off, Lucas!”
Of course, he doesn’t obey. He never obeys. He rolls me onto my back so I can watch his face contort with maniacal laughter, so he can watch the panic flashing in my eyes with the realization that I have started a tickle war.
My eyes tighten closed, and I hold my breath in anticipation of a touch that never happens.
From the doorway, Taemin clears his throat.
That sound sends Lucas flying off of me with the explanation, “We were just watching SHINee videos! We were just about to watch ‘Sherlock’ because— I doubt she has told you this— Lei has a thing for your long hair. I mean, she kind of has a thing for you with all of your different hairstyles. She told me that when ‘Replay’ came out, she thought you were the cutest boy in the world with your bowl cut, and—”
“Alright!” I pick a piece of popcorn from the bed and launch it at Lucas’s big head. “He gets it! Is nothing sacred with you, Lucas?”
“I see,” Taemin says, fighting the teasing smile determined to curl his lips. Focusing on the large frame in his hands, Taemin forces his face into a scowl. “Lei, have you talked to your fashion icon lately?”
Considering his recently expressed tension with Key, it’s obvious who Taemin is talking about, but I play dumb anyway. “Which one, Taeminnie?” I look up at him with wide eyes before sweeping Lucas’s popcorn back into its bowl. “I talk to Amber almost every day, and Taeyeon—”
Taemin interrupts with the rolling of his eyes. “Key! I’m talking about Key!” He whirls the frame around to reveal a particularly sensual poster of Key wearing some scantily clad leather outfit.
When I lean forward and squint, trying to make out which era this outfit is from, Taemin’s eyes widen. He turns the poster around and hugs the image against his body. “Stop looking at him like that!”
Lucas tries (and fails) to contain his laughter when I stand from the bed and walk to Taemin, arguing, “I’m not looking at Key like anything! I’m just trying to remember where I’ve seen that outfit before.” Closing my eyes and rubbing at my temples— that always helps me to concentrate— “I’m thinking that it was at that Tokyo Dome concert in 2014, but—”
Taemin breaks my concentration by shrieking, “You’ve seen this? In real life? With your own two eyes?”
“I was there, so yeah.” Taemin’s disapproving stare compels me to explain, “I wasn’t there to see Key in leather or anything, Taemin. I just happened to be doing promotions in Japan while you were performing there, and I begged Mom to let me go to the concert.”
Taemin’s brow furrows as he does math in his head. “2014— that means you were about fifteen years old! Fifteen is way too young to be looking at this filth!”
“Oh yeah” I laugh, “and your outfit for the ‘Danger’ stage was very appropriate, Taemin, very suitable for young viewers.”
As Taemin’s face flushes red with embarrassment, maybe feeling aware of our age difference as I am for the first time, I say, “Don’t worry. Mom covered my eyes, so—”
“We’ve seen it since, though,” Lucas divulges through a mouthful of popcorn. He never knows what to keep to himself. “Don’t let Lei’s fake modesty fool you! We watch that Tokyo Dome Concert DVD every other month, and I’ve never seen Lei cover her eyes during any of the stages, especially not ‘Danger.’”
While I glare at Lucas over my shoulder, Taemin laughs. “Whatever. That’s not the point. This—” He lifts the poster— “came in the mail today, addressed to me. And I haven’t told Key that we were dating, let alone that I moved in with you..”
“He’s been onto us for a while,” I say to deflect responsibility for having leaked the information to Key. “While we were on tour, he asked me about your ribbon bracelet because Amber recognized it and asked him to investigate.”
“Key and Amber,” Taemin shakes his head. “There was a note attached to this. I left it downstairs. It said something like, ‘Here’s your house warming gift! You can never have enough fashion icons — Key and Amber.’”
Although Taemin seems flustered by the attention, as I lay back on Lucas’s bed, Lucas and I erupt into raucous laughter. “That’s hilarious!” we wheeze, clutching our sides.
“It’s not that funny,” Taemin mutters, “and Key is crazy if he thinks I’m hanging this filth in my remodeled closet!”
Crawling to my side, Lucas shouts, “I’ll take it if you don’t want it!”
I narrow my eyes and argue, “Your closet isn’t big enough to hang a poster in! And Key isn’t your fashion icon; he’s mine! So if anyone deserves the poster—”
“Call me crazy,” Taemin says before setting the poster against the wall and lowering himself onto Lucas’s bed, where he crawls onto my back and whispers in my ear, taking my voice and breath away, “but I don’t really want my girlfriend to look at such a scandalous image every day.”
I say, “You’re crazy,” under my breath, growing red under Taemin’s weight and Lucas’s suggestive gaze.
“Well,” Lucas grunts as he reaches for the remote that fell on the floor during the short-lived tickle war, “now I can’t get that ‘Danger’ stage out of my head!”
My mouth opens to beg Lucas not to play that— especially not with Taemin in the room, especially not with Taemin clinging to me and dropping light kisses on my cheeks— but I bite into my tongue. This, bonding over SHINee, is a good thing. This, watching music videos together as a developing family unit, counts as living in the light.
8. Present
Taemin sings "Danger" around the house, I initially think, to tease me. He likes to see the cherry red color burning my cheeks at the memory of his performance; he told me so while we watched it with Lucas. Soon, however, I realize that Taemin's incessant singing could have been— should have been— taken as a warning.
One day, he returns home from his daily practice with Jongin wearing a smile bright enough to distract me from my task of reading my story to Lucas, Mom, and Donghae in the living room. This is how Donghae decided to celebrate his return to the house: by listening attentively to my reflection on the last several months.
Although I know that I will soon read these words to Taemin— although I know that he has heard them in my voice in past lives, and he has read them on his own maybe in the moonlight— I am not ready to read them to him now. I am not ready to tell him my recollections of that camping trip where he asked for my ribbon and I gave it, hoping only (desperately, with breathtaking intensity) to receive his genuine smile. The one that reaches his eyes. The one that I have received every day since then.
Closing the book so suddenly that Lucas, Mom, and Donghae flinch, I beckon Taemin from his place in the doorway. "Taeminnie! Why are you smiling so brightly?"
"I'm so happy!" He cheers as he shuffles in, lugging two tall packages. His eyes break from mine to smile at Mom. "The posters are here!"
Mom, who has been melting into Donghae's embrace on the couch, straightens to sit on the edge of her seat. "Yay!" Her fists pump into the air, making her look very much like Lucas. "Open them here, please. I want to see!"
Mom's unrestrained excitement in no way prepares us for what we are about to say. Clueless, Donghae, Lucas, and I mirror her energy as Taemin lowers himself onto the arm of my chair, very nearly sitting in my lap.
"Here, baby." The kiss Taemin presses to my cheek elicits a gasp from Donghae. Despite Mom's explicit warning that my boyfriend has moved in and— no— there is nothing he can say to change that, despite my interest in Taemin professed in what I have so far read of my story, Donghae must not realize that Taemin and I are together until we are right before his eyes.
Taemin sets one package before me. "This one is for you!"
It's awkward to unbox something under everyone's gaze, especially when Lucas grumbles from his place on the floor at Mom's feet, "I want a present too!"
It's mortifying once I see what the present is: a full-body poster of one of Taemin's shots from the Ace photo shoot.
It isn't as if this is my first time seeing this picture where he boldly stares into the camera, standing shirtless. It isn't as if I haven't seen and touched the muscles in his chest and abdomen— which are much bigger now, by the way. It's just— my face burns as I see him such a vulnerable, tempting, beautiful position without warning and in front of my family.
I mutter, "Taemin," under my breath, intending to scold him.
This issue is that my voice comes out as a fragmented whine that further humiliates me into speechlessness. The issue is that I can't meet my real Taemin's smiling eyes, and I can't quite break free from the poster Taemin's captivating stare, and I am on fire, and—
Mom and Lucas bark, "Let us see!" and I have to comply.
Fixing my gaze down on my lap, I turn the poster around and remind myself to just breathe as Donghae (again) gasps, Lucas whistles, and Mom says, like some kind of art critic, "The contrast shows up a lot better than I expected."
When my voice fails, Donghae asks in a wavering tone, likely afraid to speak too forcefully and risk eviction, "You approve of this?"
Shameless, perpetually unaware or inconsiderate of cues to be quiet, Taemin asks, "What's wrong with it?" He leans forward, brow furrowing, to study his image. "I'm really proud of this picture. It's not as pretty as the poster I got of Lei—"
My face flushes, and Donghae gawks at Taemin. "You got a poster of Lei?"
Nodding eagerly, oblivious or immune to the daggers flying at him from Donghae's eyes, Taemin reveals the poster of me to the room. "Isn't she beautiful?"
It's a promotional picture from LX2. By no means am I as exposed as Taemin is in Ace promotional photos; still, LX2 is the most suggestive concept of my career. It's embarrassing to see myself like this, especially since I have passionately avoided the photos.
The idol Lei wears a flattering white tube top (cut just above her belly button, of course) and matching white bell-bottoms. Over her shoulder, branded with LX2's logo, she casts a wide-eyed glance that is not at all innocent. For a moment— just a moment— I see her through Taemin's eyes. I agree: she is beautiful.
Then, my eyes open when Donghae hisses at Mom, "You approved of this?" He must have been avoiding the pictures too.
Cutting her eyes at his tone, Mom replies, "She is beautiful, Donghae! Of course, I approved this!"
If I think it's annoying how Mom babies Lucas, how do I describe Mom and Taemin's shared perspective on suggestive imagery? Weird.
Lucas cries, squinting at my image, "I've been cropped out!" He flies forward to point at the black background. "I was standing right here, looking supermegafoxyawesomehot! I had my arms around Lei! We were looking at the camera like we got caught kissing or something!"
He over-explains, forgetting that Mom and Taemin witnessed the photo shoot and that Donghae, judging from how he covers his eyes, clearly does not want to know.
"Lucas, honey," Mom says softly, "Taemin didn't want a poster of you holding Lei, so we had to crop you out."
Whirling around with tears caused by the sting of betrayal forming in his eyes, Lucas sulks. "You were in on this, Mom?"
Oh great, my eyes rolled, another development in Lucas's competition with Taemin for Mom's attention.
"Go look at the picture on the mantle above the fireplace, honey!" Mom encourages Lucas. "There, you'll find a framed unedited version of your picture with Lei."
Donghae, Taemin, and I watch Lucas run to the fireplace, where he releases a deep sigh of relief upon finding the picture.
Everyone except me and Donghae is weird. Lucas is weird for caring so much about a picture we took for work; Mom is weird for commemorating the products of the LX2 photo shoot like they are family portraits taken at a department store studio; Taemin is weird for wanting this poster of me enough to edit Lucas out of the picture.
Pecking at my forehead, Taemin asks, "What are you thinking, baby?"
Obviously, I won't admit that I am thinking that my family is comprised entirely of weirdos, especially not with Taemin looking at me so hopefully. I try to say something positive or make an objective comment about the composition of the photos, but I can't.
Glaring at the picture of me, I complain, "My butt is huge!"
When I look up at Mom, asking, "You approved of this?" Donghae is rising to his feet. He walks into the kitchen to escape the conversation; I can't say I blame him.
Mom rolls her eyes. "Yes, I approved it! You look amazing, and judging by how well the LX2 package sold—"
"My butt is not that big!" I whine, crossing my arms tightly over my chest. "Why didn't you pick a picture where I didn't look like that?"
I regret saying anything when Taemin's face pales. He frowns at the picture because he can't bring himself to frown at me. In a voice so quiet that I am probably not meant to hear, he wonders, "What's wrong with it?"
The disappointed lines around his mouth deepen as he tries to see me thorugh my eyes. Suddenly, my stomach ties in knots. I never want Taemin to see me as I have always seen myself. I want him to look at me as he always has— with stars in his eyes— so I grumble, "Stop looking at it like that."
Meeting my eyes, Taemin realizes instantly that I am upset. I don't think he understands why, though. He probably thinks that I am lashing out from the embarrassment of opening the posters before an audience, but I'm not. I'm not. I am begging him not to look at me after I have tainted his vision with my self-criticisms.
Taemin means it when he says, "I'm sorry," as he rises to his feet, fixing his gaze on the floor. "I'll take these to my room. I'm sorry."
When he leaves, he takes both posters with him. I don't speak up to say that I like the poster of him. I don't speak up to say that I know I'm being irrational. I just watch him carry both heavy frames up the stairs. I just hear the slam of his door that is too loud to be an accident.
I have learned that Taemin does not cope well with rejection. I don't know anybody who does. He is more sensitive than most might expect, and I seem to have a talent for accidentally wounding his feelings. I never, ever mean to do it. I'm always sorry when I do.
"I hate to tell ya, sis," Lucas says, collapsing on the arm of my chair that Taemin just vacated, "but you can't really blame Mom for that picture. Your butt is gonna look big in, like, every picture because—"
"Stop looking at my butt, Lucas!" I boss in a tired voice, too shocked by the sudden shift in the atmosphere to immediately chase after Taemin. "It's gross."
Lucas raises his hands in surrender. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Literally nobody thinks—"
He falls silent when he picks up on my glare, and Mom takes the opportunity to state the obvious: "I think Taemin's feelings are really hurt, Lei."
I'm not going to mouth off to Mom just because I feel uncomfortable, I decide, so I bite down on my lip and listen as she continues, "Maybe it seems like he's overreacting. He probably is, but we already know that he's prone to passionate fits. Try to understand that he was trying to do something special for you. We spent hours looking through all of your pictures and all of his to find two that looked like a pair."
I squirmed, imagining how many SHINee pictures they must have looked through before settling on that Ace one. I knew that Taemin was thoughtful; I knew that I hadn't meant to belittle his efforts; still, no knowledge could have defended me from the rising wave of guilt.
As Lucas drops an arm around me to remind me that this isn't that big of a deal, to keep me grounded, to protect me from the downward spiral— his greatest talent— Donghae advises from the kitchen, "Give him some time to cool off, Lei. He'll be okay."
. . .
When Taemin hasn't returned downstairs by the time Mom and Donghae have finished making dinner like a cutesy couple from a drama— oblivious to the fact that they are the subject of Lucas's incognito photo shoot— Mom sends me upstairs to get him. She doesn't tell me to apologize, but I have an apology pressed to the tip of my tongue by the time I knock on Taemin's door.
"Dinner is ready," I announce first. That doesn't compel Taemin to open the door, though, so I add, "I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings. Mom explained—"
The door swings open, and Taemin pulls me into his room by looping his arm around my waist. His smile, coupled with the kiss he drops on my lips, implies that there are no hard feelings between us. He is not expecting an apology.
I am relieved not because I am too proud to apologize but because— I don't know— maybe this is irresponsible or somehow unrealistic, but I like skipping ahead to the next happy moment with Taemin. I don't like standing in the dark for longer than necessary.
"Look at how good they look together!" Excitedly, Taemin points to the ceiling above his bed (which is now decorated by white sheets similar to those he had at the SuperM house), where he has managed to secure our posters.
Objectively, they do look good together. If I didn't know better, I might believe that both pictures were taken in the same place at the same time. There is something kind of romantic about drawing parallels between our separate art. My heart flutters.
I don't know how to say that yet, but I will learn. For now, I ask, blushing and averting my gaze from the posters' "What will you do if they fall on us in our sleep? Do you even think you'll fall asleep with them staring at you like that?"
"If they fall, maybe they'll knock some sense into me," Taemin jokes, laughing away my valid concern about, you know, the very real force of gravity. "And I don't mind them looking at me. You look at me like that—" he points at my poster— "all the time!"
He winks just before I release the faintest laugh and swipe lightly at his shoulder. "I do not! Stop daydreaming and come on!" I grab his hand and pull him toward the door. "Everyone is waiting for us!"
Taemin insists, “You do so!”
I don’t keep arguing; I am too happy that he lets me hold his hand on his walk downstairs.
9. The Moon
When I refuse to sleep under the posters— at least until Mom guarantees that they are hung properly and their stares no longer make my stomach knot— Taemin agrees to sleep in my room again.
While we wash our faces side by side because he loves this kind of domesticity, Taemin says, "You know you're beautiful, right?" His head goes aslant. "Even if you think the poster is weird, you know there's nothing wrong with your appearance, right?"
Body image is an uncomfortable topic. I don't especially enjoy discussing it with anybody, probably especially not with perfect gorgeous ideal Taemin. I don't resent his perfection or anything; I admire it. I just don't like questions like his because there is only one acceptable answer. Anything contrary will arouse concern, and I don't want his concern. I don't need his concern.
I nod my head because that is the right thing to do.
Taemin keeps looking at me, so I profess, "Being pretty on the outside isn't important at all. Superficial beauty is overrated, and nothing as subjective as the words 'pretty' and 'handsome' can ever define a person." Turning my gaze to the counter, finding my reflection there too, I conclude, "Or, at least, they shouldn't. Those words are too small."
Or, at least, that's something somebody I trust entirely taught me once upon a time. God, I so rarely trust anyone entirely.
"That's true," Taemin nods thoughtfully. His tone softens like he knows that my heart feels tender. "But you are pretty on the outside. It's okay to say that. Your beauty isn't superficial. The surface and the depths are beautiful."
I smile and say, "Thank you," because — why would I ever want to argue with kindness? "It goes without saying that I think the same thing about you."
"Maybe it does." Taemin shrugs before drying his hands and standing behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. He leans so that his chin rests on my shoulder. "But I like hearing it anyway."
It isn't difficult to smile at our reflection and say out loud, "You're beautiful inside and out."
He whispers in my ear, reaching for my hand to ensure that the moon— our moon— is secured in my grasp, "I think you would benefit from saying that to yourself from time to time."
And I know that he is right.
I will try.
#superm au#superm social media au#superm fic#superm fanfic#superm imagines#superm imagine#superm drabbles#superm drabble#superm fluff#superm angst#shinee au#shinee social media au#shinee fic#shinee fanfic#shinee imagines#shinee imagine#shinee drabbles#shinee drabble#shinee fluff#shinee angst#taemin au#taemin text#taemin fic#taemin fanfic#taemin imagines#taemin imagine#taemin drabbles#taemin drabble#taemin fluff#taemin angst
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The Yule Man (5/7)
Told by ME
This was meant to be a short story, but it became too big, so I separated it in seven parts. I want to turn my blog in a space where I can share my writting every once and a while.
This is the first time I post one of my stories on a public space. This is the first time anyone besides my sister will be able to read, so I'm pretty exciting and anxious. I want honest criticism. I hope you all enjoy it.
On the Solstice Eve of that year Chris arrived back in Arnsberg close to the old bridge. Once again, he dressed in a long fur coat and dirty beggar clothes, carrying an old bag. He touched his face and discovered his shaggy beard hadn't changed at all. Deep down he still had hoped things to be different.
The town changed even more from the last time. Entire neighborhoods seemed to have withered away. Filthy tenements with shattered windows and people dressed no better than him. Beggars and homeless children scattered everywhere. Pain and sorrow stamped on everyone's faces.
"What happened here?"
He walked faster as he could until he reached a church in a better part of the town. Exhausted, he rested leaning on a statue of the Silver God. As soon as he saw him, the priest shoved him away as a dog. Somethings never change at all.
He wandered in those streets, until an old woman stopped him. She looked exactly like the grandmas in Sophia's picture books.
"You're the Yule Man, right? I know her." The old woman chuckled. "She told me if I saw you, I should send you to this address."
And she gave him the address and went her own way.
"Mia?" He looked to the piece of paper in his hands.
The address lure him to a small building downtown. Candlesticks illuminated the windows. Rows of holly and mistletoe were hanged through it with care. The sign in the door announced the place to be closed, yet they forgot the door open.
A huge man dressed in all black from the head to the toe stepped out of the store. On his way out he bumped with Chris.
"Happy Yuletide!" He took off his bowler hat to greet him, when Chris thought he saw all the evil of the world in his eyes.
He then disappeared in the mundane crowd. Chris entered the store, without knowing what he had saw.
Still confused, he called:
"Is anyone here?"
He saw full-body mirrors, measure tapes and cushions lying on the floor. Pieces of fabrics were scattered everywhere. Some carefully sorted and saved in shelves and cabinets. Others dropped over wooden tables. Someone had engraved dozens of needles on the heads of the mannequins. That unsettled him.
A woman in a purple dress shirt turned to him from the balcony. Seeing her face drove all his fear and worries away. In what seemed like the interval between seconds, he jumped to her arms, which closed tight around his body. He had returned to Mia.
He glared at her. She didn't look like the rich girl he had met. Her clothes showed simplicity this time. Modest and simple. A purple coat and skirt, covering a blue waistcoat.
She served him a cup of hot cocoa. She knew exactly what would fill him with happiness and made him warm. By the look in his face, she did it right again. She brought him to a small apartment over the store. The place stroked as tiny, yet still cozy and not uncomfortable at all. Chris saw a moderate Yule tree with some Yule Goats around, and he knew Mr. Hayek lived there.
They sat by her blue coach. He made a silly face that said to her. "C'mon, tell me what happened."
She took a sip from her teacup and started.
"After the Yule, I took my part in father's inheritance and left the shrew alone." She told him, and both on that room felt deep pride for her.
There was a sense satisfaction in her face. He loved finding that in her. Chris managed to smear himself with the drink and it made her happy.
"You're a tailor now?" He teased her.
"Being a writer wouldn't work out for me." She smirked.
She gave him a white blouse.
"Dress it."
From the bathroom he came as handsome as she remembered him. Mia struggled to keep her good form.
"I didn't say to shave the beard. You can keep if you want."
"I don't want!" He winked to her.
She continued telling him her year.
"I bought this place from an old woman. She wanted to retire and pass more time with her family. She actually helped a lot setting all this up."
He turned to her.
"Was she the woman who bring me here?"
"Possibly." Mia gestured with her shoulders. "I told everyone that I knew that if they saw you, they should give you the address of this place."
"And who was that man I saw getting out of the store. He creeped me out."
Mia grew quiet. She exhaled. Talking about him never brought her any pleasure.
"It would be Franz Müller, the Cat’s-eye. He's a loan shark who thinks a lot about himself. Each month me and all business in the neighborhood have to pay his fees. Don't think much about him, most of the time he just takes the money and leave us alone.
The question frightened Chris.
"What happened to the town?"
Mia shut her eyes.
"Economic crisis, and my father can't help them this time."
"What about the ball in the Hayek’s mansion?"
She raised her voice to him.
"Which ball!"
That sudden change of mood made him jump out of his place.
"Sorry, mother closed the gates of the mansion to the town. She's still rich. Made a deal with my father's business partners. She guaranteed hers but forgot about everyone's else." She said full of deep resentment.
"I kind learned this by myself because you. I don't want to brag, but I'm good at this." She continued. "I bought this place. Learned a trade. Started to work."
"So, you're a working-class woman now?" He smirked.
"It's what it looks. I still have part of my father's inheritance. And with the work I got I can sustain myself quite comfortably for quite a while."
Night had come. Chris released his bag over her terrace, filling the sky with the magical snowflakes. All the town saw the light and cold dash up into the clouds. Billions of ice crystal dancing and flowing through the air. Mia never got tired of seeing that scene.
She launched the Yule Log into her simple fireplace, and they both sat close by it.
"I want to give you something."
She gave Chris a box. A beautifully wrapped present.
"Happy Yuletide." She couldn't wait to see his reaction.
He opened the box. A tiny bottle full of shiny white sand inside, and little seashells keeping it in good company. He knew exactly where they were from. His eyes filled themselves. He started to cry, to sob even, and still laugh of happiness. He hugged her, and he didn't let her go. His first Yule present ever.
They sat on that place for hours, and still hadn't ran out of things to say to each other.
"Your mother?" He asked.
"Still angry with me. After a time, I stopped trying to save our relationship. It wasn't worth it in the end. I still get to see my siblings. Will take them to Yulesing tomorrow. Without the Solstice Eve Ball, I worry how they will spend the holidays."
Mia explained to Chris how things had got different. This year she couldn't take him to party through Arnsberg.
"I don't care. I only want to be near you."
They stayed hours doing completely nothing. They enjoyed each other's conversation and company in general. The cold was the best sensation ever and the room was as cozy as it could be.
In the end of the night Chris tasted Mia's lips. She had thought they would never come to that. She led him to her room, where she felt his body in hers. Soft, tender, perfect.
They stayed in bed hugged to each other. Through the window in the wall opposite to them they could see the snow slowly dressing the world in white.
"I love you." She said resting her head on his chest.
He felt physical pain saying that:
"This isn't love. It's just a romantic fantasy. What you have for me isn't real. I'm not real. You can't love a person you only spend thirteen days within the whole year." He forced a small laugh.
Her mouth twitched.
"I can if it's true love."
His forehead puckered.
"You don't have to put up with me for the rest of the year. We don't go through the same stuff other couples go through. When the holidays are over, I'm gone. I'm won't think, I'm won't feel, I won't remember a thing. I won't be."
"Chris!"
"Sorry. What we got are only moments."
"So, why are you so against enjoying them. In general, everyone's life is just a moment. They live, they die, and it's over. At least I can enjoy a time with you. For me it's already worth it."
He closed his eyes.
"I'm dying to go to Lichthafen City with you."
He gave her a faintly smile. The room then became quiet.
In the next day they went to take the Hayek children to Yulesing. Mia knew very well that Chris loved it more than the children. Her siblings were nothing more than an excuse for doing that. Yet, he loved her siblings. They stayed with them for half of their days together. They had fun.
In the other half they stayed alone in Mia's apartment over her tailoring shop. Cuddling in her bed, eating sweets, and watching the world through that window. Best days ever, for both of them.
The Yule Log turned to ashes. Time to go again, and again in the next year he returned, in the exact same manner. Time passed, and he left, and left, and still returned to her. Each year, thirteen days only.
Chris watched the town change and change around him, and only he stayed the same. In a wink of time, Sophia, Fritz and Thomas started to leave childhood. How much that stroked pain in him. Even Mia started to look more like his older sister than his lover.
Poverty spread through the town as if a disease. Good and respectable neighborhoods crumbled to ruins before his eyes. Organized crime and urban violence turned Yulesing a thing of the past. Mr. Müller became much more than a simple loan shark.
Everything changed, less him.
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@ne-nene-ne said,
[1/2] Hi~ May I pls have a matchup? I'm a ♏, ISFP, 5'0 fem w/ medium length dark hair & eyes. I like wearing sweaters/sweatpants a lot! I love to draw & sing especially! I'd sing softly to my s/o if we're close & alone together. I often take endless pics of the sunset bc it's so pretty! Tbh I'm a loner. I'm shy, quiet, awkward and I like my alone time. I'm friendly and good-willing towards others nonetheless! I've been told I have a positive aura. I'm more chill, silly & playful w/ family!
[2/2] I can joke around w/ them! I have a short temper but I forgive just as quickly. I can be hard on myself bc I feel it's necessary to improve. I'm an appreciative person so I'll say "thank you" like 1000 times lol! I highly value family & honesty! My ideal s/o is someone family-oriented, devoted, and genuine. Bonus points if they're funny too! I'd like someone who I can slowdance to soft, jazz music w/. My love language is Acts of Service! Tysm! Take your time, stay healthy & stay safe! ❤
✧ Thank you so much for requesting a matchup love. Tumblr is not letting me tag you so hopefully you’ll see this. 😔 I wish you well during this challenging time. Hope you keep safe as well! 😷
I’d match you with: . . .
➜ HOW YOU TWO FIRST MET ; Juza Hyodo is that typical cold guy in school that everyone is lowkey scared of. That’s how he seems from outside anyway. You were asked by your biology teacher to borrow the books for the class’s current lesson from the library on the spot so you took a beeline for the shelves as fast as you could. But for god’s sake all the books were placed at the topmost part of the science shelves. You stood there for a good minute while glaring at the books overhead. You knew you were damned for good since there were no chairs nearby that were available and the librarian was nowhere to be seen. You stomped you feet in annoyance until you felt a looming presence behind you. A tall one. When you turned around, you saw Juza grabbing the books at ease and handing it to you. You thanked him quietly which surprised him because you actually didn’t quiver with fear or panic in his presence??? and you genuinely thanked him?? It was not usual for him to hear someone express their gratitude towards him. Even the cashiers from sweet shops he’d like to visit secretly we’re scared of him for heaven’s sake. After murmuring a little “‘S nothing.” he walked away. And that was the end of it. Or so you thought. The second time you met the purple haired boy was in a cafe. You were patiently waiting in the line for this so called Peanut Butter Pound Cake S'mores. According to your friends, it was one of the best desserts the cafe ever had. To test that theory, you decided to check the dessert yourself. Everything was perfectly normal until a young teenage boy of average height with fluffy pink hair and light blue eyes bumped into you, spilling a little of his drink on you. Yes, I’m talking about Muku. Baby boy was so scared and flustered, he apologized to you multiple times like crazy. Luckily it wasn’t anything hot so you didn’t burn yourself. Giving the boy a soft smile, you said it was fine and he shouldn’t worry about it. But he is a kind-hearted and modest boy with the motto "doing one good deed each day" so of course he offered you to give some of the Chocolate-Caramel Sandwich Cookies he had ordered before to apologize properly. Normally you would’ve reject the offer but with the way he was looking at you, you couldn’t find the heart to do so. While waiting for your order together, you learned what the boy’s name was and that he came here with his cousin. When you heard that the first image that popped into your mind was a soft looking person just like him you. After you got your order, the two of you made your way towards their table. And with that, your previous thought was thrown out of the window just like that. There he was, one and only Juza Hyodo, the person who helped you in the library, was sitting in a chair, quietly munching on one of the many sweets in front of him. When Muku announced that he was back, his eyes shot up to him and then shifted towards you. Yeah, it was awkward. Nevertheless, you tried to offer the tall boy a smile, which he just nodded his head, cheeks tilted pink to get his sweet tooth exposed to someone from school. After you sat down, Muku began to explain how he accidentally bumped into you and spilled some of his drink on you. Juza got the picture and said nothing. Though, gradually he started to become more comfortable. Before you knew it, you befriend the young teenage boy with fluffy hair. You told Muku how you two first met, which he only exclaimed how cool his cousin was and how the scene was just like from a shoujo manga. So yeah, your friendship with Juza started that day and slowly but steadily developed into something more. You would see him at school and chat with him, give him snacks to eat together on the rooftop etc.
➜ PERSONALITY COMPATIBILITY ; Let me just start of by saying that you two are really similar in terms of personality. A loner who is shy, quiet, awkward, likes alone time yet still friendly and good-willing towards others? Yeah, you get to point. When you're dating someone who has almost identical personality traits as you, reading them becomes easier. Juza is honest and critical of himself but is more than willing to work hard on it to improve himself and so are you. You two motive each other become better versions of yourselves, constantly pushing forward hand in hand ad I think that’s a beautiful thing in a relationship. You two have the same values. He deeply values his comrades and family so he would love it whenever he saw you getting along with Muku or Kumon. He’s very protective of those he holds dear, so watching you interact with them and care for them as if they were your own family would make him fall for you even more. The same goes for him as well. He’ d try his utmost best to get along with your family. Physical affection is OUT the window in the first start of your guys' relationship though. And when you guys DO start attempting physical contact, he'd be so stiff. Baby boy really hasn’t had a lot of experience in regards to how to treat others with affection outside of his family. 🥺 but deep down, Juza has a soft side. He’s a bit shy with showing his affections, but he tries his utmost best to convey his love to you― one of them being if you ever needed him support with ANYTHING honestly, he’ll always make it known to you that you have his full support and that he’s always right beside you through everything.
➜ SHARED ACTIVITIES ; With an delinquent-like appearance that often gives people a "scary" impression of him, I feel like Juza would rather spend time inside rather than outside. For those with a serious sweet tooth, baking, especially with a lover has a double benefit: It engages the two of you in an activity you probably don't do often, and you get to enjoy something delicious afterward. You two make an especially decadent dessert when you're feeling ambitious, or simply break out a boxed mix if you're short on time — or baking skills. At first times, there is a lot of trial and error and you guys end up getting covered in flour and such, a cheeky smile present on your face. These are usually the times where you get to hear Juza’s rare laughs as he joined in your joy. Feeling too lazy to bake something? Have a candy tasting. Satisfying your sweet tooth is a foolproof way to survive. Stock up on different colors of Starbursts, Gummi Bears or Worms, Sour Straws, Hi-Chews, and whatever else you are craving— and then eat your way through the rainbow together. Bonus points if you’re lounging off your sugar coma with a movie on the couch afterwards, he doesn’t particularly mind what kind so it’s totally up to you which genre you want to watch. This one is technically not a date but sometimes you, Juza, Muku and Kumon play board games. Depending on how competitive you are, this idea can be a little dangerous. (looking at you monopoly.) But it’s always a blast to spend time with people you love and cherish.
➜ ZODIAC COMPATIBILITY ; Juza’s birthday is on September 27, which makes him a Libra. When Libra and Scorpio come together in a love match, they tend to make a very emotionally connected and mutually satisfying union. Though Scorpio is a brooder who can get lost in the confusing welter of their own emotions, Libra’s proclivity for balance and harmony helps keep Scorpio even. Scorpio can return the favor to Libra with their characteristic powers of focus, a trait that Libra usually lacks. These two are very compatible due to their similar needs in a love relationship: Libra is the Sign of Partnership, and Libra is happiest when in a well-balanced and intimate relationship, while Scorpio thrives on emotional and sexual intimacy with their mate. These two Signs can make a very loyal, close and satisfying partnership. What’s the best aspect of the Libra-Scorpio relationship? The power they find in unity. They can accomplish a lot, whether they come together for a cause in the business or romantic sphere. They are both winners and they won’t give up, making theirs a relationship that takes care of business.
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