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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 3 months

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Remember, Remember

I was just rereading "Care and Keeping of Idiots" (amazing btw) and in the beginning Patton has a notebook that Janus takes from him? Patton protests that it helps him "remember stuff" and Janus counters that it actually helps him to feel guilty. Uh, this really piqued my interest so maybe could you write a fic about Patton and this notebook, what exactly it is? (and the sides helping him with realizing he doesn't have to use it <3) – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: light guilt tripping of self

Pairings: dlampr, can be platonic or romantic i don't care

Word Count: 2061

Listen, Patton doesn't understand what the big deal is. This is what notebooks are for, after all. Notebooks are for taking notes! They are for helping you remember things! They are for whatever words or feelings make their way from your brain down your arm, through a pen or pencil—or marker—and onto the paper. That's their purpose! It would be silly to not use a notebook if you have things you want to remember and you need some place to write it down.

As would anyone who cares deeply about anything, Patton has a lot of things he wants to write down. Recipes that he wants to try out, shows he needs to catch up on, books he wants to read…books he has read and wants to talk about, things he has to do, there's a lot. And, also, because sometimes talking about feelings is really hard, he writes about them instead. Listen, they've all be working on being more open with each other, but the truth of the matter is that some of them are more easily able to tap into that vulnerability and be able to share it than others. That's a true fact about the world, whether Patton likes it or not, and he's not totally unaware here. He knows that he's contributed to that in his own way, and it's not his place to demand the others be open about things with him if they're not comfy with it yet.

So, because notebooks can be very useful things, he writes about it.

He's penned long pages about how much he adores Roman's passion and drive, but sometimes he worries that when it doesn't come as easily, Roman will get upset with himself. How it's okay if he just needs to make stuff for Roman, not the rest of them, not even for Thomas. How much he's sorry that he's contributed in any way, shape, or form to the insecurity that his kiddo tries so hard to cover up, but he knows is there. Sometimes he makes himself cry as he's writing those, not just because he knows Roman's particularly upset right now, but he's dredged up all the emotion in himself and, well, it has to go somewhere.

He keeps little short lists of how much he appreciates Logan's efforts—he does his best to say them out loud too, but sometimes Logan's not in the place where he wants to hear that, so he writes them down to save them for later. He's been trying to be better about asking Logan when he doesn't understand things, but sometimes the conversation moves too fast and he doesn't want to be a bother and slow everyone way down just so Logan can explain the thing he mentioned, like, five minutes ago. So, in the name of efficiency, he writes them down and looks them up later and does his best to recontextualize the conversation with his new knowledge. He's pretty sure Janus has a notebook that automatically transcribes conversations for him for when hearing is hard and lip-reading is harder, maybe he'll ask if he can learn a bit of that too.

Speaking of Janus…oh, he's written way too much and not enough at all about Janus. He's still not entirely sure what his own personal feelings are about the whole…Dark Sides/Light Sides thing, especially because it sort of feels like they're trying to do away with it entirely now that they've just found out the lines exist. Which isn't really fair, he knows, since he's the one who pushed them away to begin with, but they haven't—it's not—this is the first time he's really interacted with them in a long time, and so it's impossible to slide back into what it once was, and they're not quite at the place where they can start forging something new. Not yet. So, because he needs somewhere to put them, he writes.

Virgil, as will come as a surprise to no one, does not like being confronted with sentiment. (He actually wrote that one word for word and tried not to giggle at how much it reminded him of the look Virgil had when Roman tried to rope him into singing Disney songs together.) And so, because he's not above making his kiddos admit how great they are but he doesn't want to make them uncomfortable, he writes them all down instead. About how he's so proud at how much Virgil is trying to come out of his shell, how much he loves hearing about what Virgil's interested in now, or how much he secretly agrees that yeah, that story really was kind of edgy and not in a good way.

With Remus, who he doesn't know that well, he mostly writes down questions. Some of them are…in better faith than others, he'll admit. Why did he put his bear trap in the fridge? Why is there a water balloon filled with hot sauce in the sink? Where did his deodorant go? How did he come up with the idea of making every single doorknob make a different sound? What's his Kraken's name? That sort of thing. And maybe, sometimes he wants to ask things about him and Roman. How it feels being two parts of Creativity, or sharing the Imagination, or why, in the middle of the night, if he's very quiet, the walls sort of feel like they're shaking.

But! Maybe that's none of his business. That's why it's better to write it down, see? That way he can work out all his thoughts on paper and not have to bother anyone with them. Also, that means that if he needs to remember something, but he doesn't necessarily want them to know he's having trouble remembering it, he can write it down! Like how Roman doesn't like it when you ask about projects he hasn't talked about in a while, or how Logan doesn't like be disturbed unless the sign on his door says he's disturbable, or how he needs to ask Janus first if he's being serious or not about doing something, or about how Virgil needs time to himself away from everyone, or how he needs to leave Remus alone, that sort of thing. He should just know those, so he writes them down so he remembers them, but that's all.

That's what notebooks are for, isn't it?

Well, from the way everyone's staring at him with a mix of frustration, pity, and confusion, maybe he doesn't know what notebooks are for after all.

"That's not—you are not incorrect in your assessment of what a notebook is used for," Logan says slowly, "but the way in which you are choosing to use it…"

"Yeesh, Pop Star," Virgil mumbles, toying with the strings of his hoodie, "you're…damn, you're kinda giving me a run for my money."

"What? What do you mean, kiddo?"

"Having lists of things you need to do to monitor your own behavior?" He jerks his thumb at Roman. "That's both a him thing and a me thing."

"And it doesn't sound like it's particularly healthy either."

Patton laughs—surely, they can't be serious—but then everyone else is still looking at him like that and he tugs on the hem of his shirt. "I think you're overreacting a bit, kiddos, it's not that bad."

"You're keeping lists of ways in which you should behave in order not to upset us," Logan summarizes, "is that right?"

"Well, yeah, I don't want to upset you! And you have boundaries, those are important—"

"Boundaries like 'leave Remus alone?'" Remus looks up from his little huddle on the couch. Patton's heart sinks.

"N-not as in leave you alone alone, just that—I know you don't like being bothered by me, so—"

"How do you know that?"

"W-well, it's just that every time I try and come and talk to you, you're always—it feels like you don't want me there."

"Yeah, because the last three times you came, it was when I was handling the newborns from my side of the Imagination or working with the corrosive chemicals that Ro said aren't allowed in the Imagination anymore. You could've been hurt." Remus frowns. "Your sense of timing is shitty but it's not like I don't want to spend time with you."

"O-oh. Um, I'm…sorry?"

"Shit, no, I didn't mean it like that, I just—" Remus sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face— "I'm not going to try and blame you for your brain being spicy, but I am going to point out that you jumped straight to 'don't interact' as opposed to asking me why I wanted you to leave in those instances."

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Logan lean over to Janus to ask what 'brain spiciness' is, but he's too distracted by how Virgil's frowning at him. "What?"

"Are you—do the things in your notebook also consist of you reminding yourself of mistakes you've made in the past?"

"…yes? If I write the mistake down, I'm not likely to forget it and make it again, right?"

"How often do you reread them?"

"Every day, why?" The collective wince that happens is enough to let him know that was the wrong answer. "O-or! I mean, it's not everyday, every day, but—"

There's a low hiss from Janus and he shuts up.

A pause.

Then Logan takes a deep breath, adjusting his glasses.

"I will admit, when you first started talking about this, I was…not so much intrigued as I was curious as to why you'd never brought it up on your own before, considering how much we've all been talking about getting better at communicating. And if it were truly just an outlet for your emotions, I don't believe anyone would be reacting as strongly as they are, myself included."

"But that is what it is."

"But you're using it to amplify your own guilt and shame," Roman breaks in softly, "and that's not good, Padre."

"What? That's not what I'm doing at all! I'm just—"

"Then why were you so hesitant to tell us?"

Well.

He's sure there's a good answer for that.

Somewhere.

He just needs to think of it!

Yeah.

Yeah…

…yeah.

…

…oh.

Oh.

Oh, no.

Distantly, he registers the soft noises of concern and the gentle touch to his face. His head moves. There's someone standing in front of him. The thing on his cheek strokes the skin gently again. He blinks. Oh. His vision is all blurry. There's a lot of movement happening. There's someone calling his name.

"Patton? Sweetie, can you hear me?"

He thinks he nods. The thing on his face cups his jaw and then slides around to the back of his head—oh, that feels nice. He likes that feeling. He tries to lean into it. There's another quiet noise and then there's another touch on his shoulder.

"Sweetie, come sit, please, come sit with us. Let's give you a cuddle, okay? Look, the twins are right here—"

He's passed to another set of hands and then his hands are trying to wipe his face because he's crying, that's why his vision is so blurry, and then Roman—it has to be Roman, it's all red—is pulling him close and it's really warm, and soft, and quiet, and—

"Shh, there you go," Roman murmurs, "just take a moment, okay?"

"Remus, budge over a bit."

"L, can you get the—"

"Yes, I've got it."

"Shh," Roman says again when Patton hiccups with the force of the sobs, "here, cry this out for me, okay? Just get it all out, that's it, you're okay…"

He doesn't have the words, not really, to figure out how to remember this, but as the feelings wash over him and the world becomes a little smaller, just for a moment, he thinks he might not need to write anything down to remember what this feels like.

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl

#dragonbabbles #fic #sanders sides #roman sanders #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #janus sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders

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flameeagleheart75 · 1 year

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So I first listened to Jesus Christ Superstar as part of my ALW listen through a few years ago and enjoyed it fine but over the last little while I've been listening to it religiously (no pun intended) and oh my god I think it's jumped up my list to being one of my favourite musicals ever.

If you're from a Christian background (Roman Catholic for me, hi) then no doubt you can recite the stages of the cross in your sleep but somehow the interpretation of Jesus's final days as a bombastic, heartbreaking and utterly camp musical is the only one that's truly resonated with me.

Here's my ramblings in no particular order.

(I like a lot of the versions so I'll be using whatever GIFs I can find)

Jesus

Give this man a hug, please.

There's often a lot of tie-pulling over whether humanising Jesus is blasphemous or not but that's a theological debate for another time.

On a personal level?

I adore how JCS portrays how fatigued Jesus is. He knows his ultimate fate and that he can't change it but that doesn't mean that every step towards it is agony. You feel his relief when Mary Magdalene encourages him to just relax and just wants him to take care of himself for once; likewise you feel how overwhelmed he is when he's swarmed in the temple by or his frustration at his disciples not being able to grasp the weight of his words. And after he's screamed at Judas to leave him at the Last Supper and is alone at Gethsemane begging God to just tell him why he has to die after all he's already done, you realise that at the end of the day it's just as Judas says "He's a man, he's just a man, like anyone I know."

Mary Magdalene

While the musical goes with the common pop culture depiction of portraying Mary as a sex worker instead of just another one of the apostles, the effect it has is wonderful. Mary's confused about her feelings but regardless, she comforts Jesus and tries to make him feel at ease. While Judas is in knots about whether Jesus associating with a prostitute contradicts his teachings and that expensive ointment is being wasted, all Mary wants is for the person she cares for to get a good night's sleep.

And I see you "I don't know how to love him" reprise.

Mary is a needed parallel to Judas and serves as one of two people who love (romantically or platonically) Jesus as the man he is.

Speaking of whom-

Judas

Oh my dear, dear Iscariot.

Judas's story raises one of JCS's most poignant questions of "If Jesus had to die, then were Judas's actions truly evil or was he just fulfilling a role in the divine plan?"

From the moment "Heaven on their minds" sounds to the Gospel melodies of "Superstar" you are along for the ride. His disillusionment with Jesus comes from a deep love mixed with the fear for both their people and that the 12 chosen are forgetting their original beliefs. Yet, along the way we see him fighting against his role. In 'Damned For All Time/Blood Money', he struggles both physically and mentally with his conscience. During 'The Last Supper', he threatens to just stay and not carry out the betrayal and it's only when Jesus screams at him to leave that he finally goes.

And don't get me started on the arrest in the garden of Gethsemane. Ouch, my heart.

Both of them are ultimately doomed but while Jesus is aware of it and accepts his fate (albeit in a defeated way), Judas only comes to realise his place as a pawn when it comes to the time of his death.

And he is broken. He's disgusted.

What on earth was it all for? Why did God have to choose him of all people?

This is a story of love and grief and the inevitability of life and death but you're along for every step, knowing that you, like the characters are unable to change anything. But regardless, you're invested every step of the way and you hope that maybe things, just once, could be different. But it can't, you know it can't.

Finally the music is absolutely wonderful and I for one would like a return to allowing anachronisms if it's just for fun. (Tim Rice's lyrics, mwah). They can ride on bikes and tanks if they want to.

(Also the 12 getting drunk at the dinner while Judas and Jesus are singing their hearts out at each other makes me laugh.)

Thanks for listening to a bored Bi talk about one of her favourite things. Have a good night.

youtube

#Jesus Christ Superstar #JCS #jcs 2000 #jcs 1973 #JCS 2005 #jcs 2014 #thoughts #lgbtq+#jcs judas #jcs jesus #jcs mary magdalene #Youtube

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howlingday · 19 days

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So you really really really really don't like Mercury so what are your thoughts on Emerald?

Okay, I'm gonna put this out there, and I am well aware of the hypocrisy of what I'm about to say.

I like Emerald and I think she's earned her redemption reformation.

Now I know what some of you reading this are thinking. "How could you like Emerald, but not Mercury?! She's just as guilty as he is!" To which I respond, "No, she isn't."

In her first active role in "Best Day Ever," she and Mercury murdered Tukson. But wait! If you look carefully enough, we see that Emerald did aid in the assault, but she didn't deal the killing blow on the rebel Faunus. But accessory to murder is still just as bad as murder, technically speaking.

"But she's a thief, and thieves are bad!" is something I can also hear some of you say (starting to sound like Literature Devil here, but thankfully, I won't be as insulting). And yes, Emerald is a straight up thief and steals whatever lien she can, but that's kind of part of her allusion to Aladdin, who was also a thief, and both characters steal to survive. I would also like to direct your attention to other notable thieves that are just as beloved as Emerald, such as Sly Cooper, Catwoman, and Roman Torchwick, all of whom are bad guys, to some extent of evil or another, but all of them also have a chance to do good... Well, except Torchwick, but he's more interested in the thrill of the steal than in the mass murder of an entire city.

Which brings us to the defining scene that separates someone like Emerald from someone like Mercury...

Look at this. REALLY look at this. In this scene, we have Cinder Fall, admiring her handiwork at bringing both the White Fang AND the Grimm into Beacon, causing the deaths of hundreds, maybe even THOUSANDS of innocent people. And there's Mercury FUCKING RECORDING THE VIDEO WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE! SERIOUSLY, HOW AM I THE BAD GUY FOR NOT LIKING HIM?! ...And then there's Emerald, who says, and I quote- Actually, you know what? Let's get the whole gang quoting here. Let's see what EVERYONE in this picture is saying. Oh, and in case you were wondering, this is from the transcript for the episode "Battle of Beacon":

Emerald is CLEARLY remorseful. So why does she keep doing this? Because of the same reason Harley Quinn was with the fucking Joker. Love.

Cinder: Beautiful.

Emerald: (with a sorrowful expression on her face) It's almost sad.

Cinder: It's horrendous. Focus on the Atlesian Knights.

Mercury: Oh, I'm getting all of it.

Cinder: Good. Continue the broadcast until the end.

Suddenly, a tremor rocks the three of them.

Cinder: And do not miss what happens next.

Cinder walks off as Mercury continues filming with an evil grin on his face, while Emerald's expression only grows more worrisome.

And that's her fatal flaw. She loved Cinder, either platonic or romantic, and she would have done ANYTHING for her. And when it turns out Cinder not only doesn't care about her, but about anyone, she leaves, but not before getting a teary-eyed good-bye with Mercury, who is leaving to help destroy the world with Tyrian.

"BUT WAIT! Why should Emerald get the redemption and not Mercury?!" Somebody cries from the distance. Because Emerald suddenly gets something Mercury doesn't anymore. Opportunity. She's got a chance to break free while Mercury is too far and away for her to help So sad for Mercury...

Anyway, where does that leave us with Emerald now? Is she truly redeemed? Is she only getting special treatment because she's a girl, like people on reddit are saying, and that Mercury deserves it more? In reverse order, no, no, and in a better place than she was before.

Emerald isn't redeemed yet, but she has a chance to be now that she's reformed. Real quick, I want to explain the difference between the two. When a character is reformed, it means that they are no longer doing something they were doing before, kind of like a guy who got out of jail and is now on parole. He's still an asshole, but he's not doing any crime things. When a character is redeemed, it means that they are no longer doing any of the harmful things they used to do and have completely made up for their mistakes in the past, kind of like a girl who used to bully kids in school but is now taking part in her community to not only stop bullying but preventing it from ever happening again. For an example of this, look at Discord and Sunset Shimmer from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Or for those of you who don't care for MLP, Zuko at the start of Book Three and Zuko by the end of Book Three.

In summary, Emerald hasn't redeemed herself yet to make up for her past mistakes (though mistake might be putting down "accessory to war crimes" just a nip), BUT she's on the right track for it. She's now out of Team Salem, with Team Ozma, and is now doing her part to save the world. And the fact that she's been like that since the start puts her MILES ahead of Mercury, even before her switch in Volume 8.

#rwby #character analysis #emerald sustrai #mercury black #cinder fall #my thoughts #my answer #my answers #my little pony #friendship is magic #equestria girls #avatar: the last airbender #avatar #the last airbender #zuko #my rant #if you will

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strawberry-cowmilk · 2 years

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Hi hi hi, um, can you do a GN!MC who's like Al/Koko from Pokémon the Movie: Secrets of the Jungle, Or Razor from Genshin Impact? Like an MC who's parents died and was raised by Wolves or some creature, and Solomon as MC's childhood friend and the one who taught MC.. "Human Stuff"?? Like the language/vocabulary and how to walk on 2 legs (bc MC was taught to walk on all 4s by the wolves/creatures), can I have this with the brothers, dateables and luke? Like their reaction on MCs past and how Solomon was the one who taught them stuff, thank you!!

Hi, anon! Thanks for being patient, here's your request! I hope it's what you had in mind

the obey me cast with a mc who had to learn 'how to human'

-> brothers and side characters x mc (luke platonic)

mc is reffered to by they/them pronouns once, not proof read

content warnings: mentions of dead parents

-----

Lucifer

he knew about your past before you met

it was in your files for the exchange program and all

when he first read about it, lucifer wondered how and why some wolves decided to raise a human, last time he saw something like that was when he heard about roman myths

Mammon

at first he didn't really care, because you're just a human and he can't make money off of some human

but when he got closer to you, and started to fall in love, mammon started to mildly resent solomon

it's not fair he gets to be so close to you! you're his human

Leviathan

some human who grew up around wolves? they certainly didn't hear of anime then, therefore levi shall keep his distance

but you don't share that same mindset, you kept trying to make your way into levi's room until he decided to give you a chance

now he talks about his hobbies with passion to you, and he doesn't like it when solomon comes near you

Satan

he's only heard about things like that happening is fairy tales and mythology, so he's quite interested in hearing about your past

when you told him solomon taught you 'how to human', satan got worried you might be a terrible cook as well

'mc, were there any cats around when you were growing up?'

Asmodeus

there's a good chance asmo already knew you because of his pact with solomon

but now that you're here, he's excited to teach you about, in asmo terms, proper self-care, he knows solomon didn't teach you that, his skincare routine is tap water

solomon has to stop asmo from going overboard though

Beelzebub

he was sad when he first heard about your situation because you were just a baby without parents, those wolves deserve a golden medal

but you seem perfectly fine, and you act like the average human to him

beel's respect for solomon increased when he found out said sorcerer helped you understand the human world

Belphegor

his past fascination with humans comes back up for a moment

your whole story sounds like something straight out of a fairy tale, he wants to know more but belphie will never ask you about it himself

he really hopes solomon didn't teach you how to cook, belphie doesn't have the energy to fix that damage

Diavolo

he also knew already because it was in your files

diavolo was excited to place such an unique human in his exchange program, and you already knew solomon so that's great too

sometimes diavolo texts you random questions about your past late at night

Barbatos

same as asmo, he already knew you because of his connection to solomon

barbatos has a ton of other priorities and responsibilities, so he doesn't really talk to you much

but when you do speak to each other, he's really happy to listen to your stories, plus he's willing to undo whatever destruction solomon caused to your ability to cook if needed

Simeon

it left a bitter taste on his tounge when he found out your parents died when you were so young

but you seem okay, solomon did a good job looking after you

simeon actually instantly likes you, expect to get invited to a bunch of dinners

Luke

your backstory reminds him of the bedtime stories simeon used to tell him, were they about you all along?

like the other angel, luke likes you instantly, congratulations on your new little brother

he also lowkey wants to meet the wolves who raised you, from what you told him, they seem really nice

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me scenarios #obey me swd #obey me imagines #gn!mc #obey me brothers #obey me side characters

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lily-janus · 1 year

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Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Summary: Roman goes to talk to Logan after the fight... but words might not be enough this time...

Pairing: platonic logince

Warnings: self depricating talk, feeling overlooked, crying, yelling, ANGST. Lwmme know if I missed anything.

Word count: 1,265

For @loginceweek2023 day 2- poetry comfort (used the swap card)

This is the aftermath of a one shot I wrote for last year's week: Everything Ends In Faliure. The beginning can be a bit confusing if you haven't read the previous one but the rest can stand on its own I think if you don't want to read it.

Enjoy!

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"If you ever need to talk-" Roman starts, but Logan shuts the door in his face before he can finish.

Roman frowns in confusion, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, suddenly realizing his creations were watching the entire scene. With a quick wave he puts them back in their houses and makes the beast disappear.

What was that all about… since when is Logan running around looking for something to fight? And without a weapon too? That's oddly irrational of him… something's up…

He should probably go talk to him.

He takes a deep breath, opens the door and walks outside.

As he walks to Logan's room, the events of a few minutes ago keep replaying in his mind.

"I said I'm fine okay?!"

"I thought you were supposed to be the smart one!"

He just can't shake away that look on Logan's face after he saved him… he never saw Logan like that. He almost looked… broken, hopeless… maybe even angry.

Roman swallows nervously, whatever it is that's eating at Logan, he's going to do his best to help him.

He knocks on Logan's door, and waits.

"Go away."

Roman frowns, Logan never answers his door like that, he usually even leaves it open in case someone needs his help.

"It's everyone's favorite prince!" He tries in his cheerful tone.

"What do you want?" Logan says from the other side of the door.

"Why, you to help me with my homework of course, Teach!" Roman chuckles, hoping it'll lighten the tension a bit.

He can practically hear Logan rolling his eyes. "Roman…"

Roman sighs. "I'm just worried about you, Specs, can I come in?"

The door opens a fraction to reveal Logan's annoyed face. "As I already told you, I'm fine, you can stop pretending you care now and go back to slaying your impossible beasts." He moves to shut the door again but Roman puts his hand on it to stop it from closing.

"Nice try but you're not getting rid of me that easily." He opens the door wider and strouds past Logan and into his room. "In fact, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's bothering you. So either you tell me, or say hello to your new roommate!" He sits on his bed, folding his arms over his chest in a show of stubbornness.

Logan closes the door slowly, sighing heavily and shaking his head. "You are the most stubborn, annoying and frustrating side in this entire mindscape." He pinches the bridge of his nose.

Roman grins. "I know, it's my specialty. Now, what's on your mind Nerdio? Someone giving you a hard time? Too much work? I'm all ears." He pats the space next to him on the bed invitingly.

"There's nothing 'on my mind', Roman, as I already said-"

"I think I'll move my bed right next to yours… oh! And add some glitter to the walls, and red, you definitely need more red in here…" Roman tapped his chin in mock consideration.

"Okay, fine! I'll tell you what's wrong!" Logan snapped.

Roman flinched at the unexpected aggressiveness from the otherwise composed side, suddenly regretting provoking him.

"You!" He points at Roman. "You are the problem! All of you, including Thomas! …Or maybe I'm the problem…" Logan deflates a bit. "I don't know but something feels… not good." He turns away from Roman, hugging himself tightly.

"It doesn't make any sense, I know, I've been trying to make sense of it all but… well it's not exactly working." He then chuckles emptily. "Look at me, the logical side who can't make sense of the situation… What a joke." He says bitterly.

Roman frowns in concern. "Logan… just because you're Thomas' logic doesn't mean you have to know everything, you're allowed to be confused, life is confusing."

Logan does the same, weird, empty chuckle again, "if that's so 'allowed'..." he rolls his eyes. "Why do I keep being overlooked? Why do I keep getting outshined by literally everyone else? What's even the point of offering help when it's obvious no one here wants it! What am I doing wrong?!" He slams his fist on his work table, making everything on it shake violently.

"Do I even matter to you? Do I have any value at all? Or am I just here so you can dismiss me and move on?" Logan's voice is small now, even a bit shaky, and it takes Roman a long moment to realize that:

Logan is crying…

For a moment, all was quiet except for Logan's quiet sniffling, Roman not knowing what to say.

"...C-c'mon, Teach, you know how we are, getting all emotional and arguing, it has nothing to do with you. Of course you matter and have value, we're a family remember?" Roman eventually found his words. Logan's back was still turned to him but he could see he was shaking.

Slowly, Roman got up and walked towards him. "There's nothing wrong with you, you hear me? It might feel that way… we might have made you feel that way but… it's not true, we need you, just like you are, and we'll try to listen to you more, you have my word."

Logan suddenly turned to him sharply. "You… need me? …You're not just saying that?" Logan was looking at him with hopeful eyes.

"It's gonna be okay kiddo, we love you."

"....right."

Roman shook the memory away quickly, words aren't going to be enough here… actions speak louder than words. He nodded firmly to Logan. "Yes, we do, I mean it, and I'm gonna prove it to you."

Logan wiped his tears, looking at Roman with confusion. "What does that mean?"

Roman grinned. "You'll see, follow me!" He passed Logan, grabbing his hand and leading them outside and to his room.

He rummaged around, looking for something.

"Roman… what are you doing?" Logan asked, sounding much more like his exasperated self, which Roman chose to take as a good sign.

"I know it's around here somewhere… ah-ha!" He held up the notebook triumphantly.

"A… notebook, I feel needed already." Logan raised a skeptical eyebrow, another good sign.

"The notebook." Roman correct. "This is where I wrote down all of Thomas' biggest dreams! Come on, read it!"

Frowning, Logan took the notebook and flipped through it. "This is all highly delusional and unrealistic." He said after a while.

Roman nodded. "Exactly!" He handed him a different notebook. "Now read this!"

Still looking confused, Logan took the other one and flipped through it as well. "This is where I wrote down Thomas' accomplishments over the years." He explained. "Now, compare the two." He instructed, and Logan did.

He then looked up at Roman. "You see now?" Roman asked him softly. "Thomas would have gotten nowhere without you rationalizing his biggest wishes and dreams into manageable steps, thanks to you, he was able to get where he wanted in life! If he had just listened to my great dreams and fantasies he would have just spent his days daydreaming without accomplishing anything! We need you, Logan… I need you. You help make our visions a reality."

Logan closed the notebooks, holding them close to his chest. "I… never realized…" He looked up at Roman, then suddenly dropped the notebooks and pulled him into a tight hug. "Thank you." He whispered shakily in his ear. "Thank you, thank you, thank you…" he was crying again, but as more of a release of tension than anything else.

Roman was shocked for a moment, but then smiled, hugging the logical side back, "you're welcome, Teach."

#sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #Everything Ends In Failure sequal #loginceweek2023 #platonic logince #loginceweek2023 day 2-poetry #swapped to Comfort #logan angst #happy ending #tw self deprecation #tw shouting #cw crying #hurt comfort #Lily writes

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prince-rowan-of-the-forest · 1 year

Text

Putting Yourself First

Virgil didn't go to the wedding because he knew it would go to shit. He didn't quite realise he would have such an influence whne it came to dealing with that shit afterwards.

Or, Roman is very upset by the proceedings after the wedding and turns to Virgil for help

----

| Ao3 |

Warnings: Panic attacks, kinda angst.

Pairings: No romantic pairings, platonic prinxiety.

Word Count: 4444

Notes: I've been writing this one for a hot second, lol. I've wanted to write an aftermath fic about Roman dealing with POF basically since I watched it. Here's that.

Possibly going to write a part two but no promises because I'm lazy and currently have seven other oneshots and a long fic that I'm working on at the same time sooo... oop.

I hope you enjoy!

P.S. woah look at me go, two fics in two days? How is this possible!! Well don't worry! There's more where that came from :D (this one's actually been finished and sitting in my Google Doc for a hot second, haha)

----

There was a crash and Virgil’s music stopped playing, it took him a moment to realise that he’d jumped so badly at the sound that he’d yanked his headphones cord out of his phone. He sighed, pulling off his headphones and putting them down on his desk, investigating whatever caused that crash was probably important.

Finding the source of the noise was actually a very simple task. When he looked around he found that his dresser had been knocked out of place, causing his mirror and a lot of his jewellery- as well as some figurines and his very emo plant- to fall from the shelf. What worried him the most though, was the fact that Roman was on his floor.

The Prince was curled tightly into a ball; Virgil could quite easily figure out that Roman had stumbled in here, crashed into his dresser and then fallen. After a double take Virgil realised that Roman was also crying. Well, at least he could guess that the wedding he had refused to show up for didn’t go well, then.

“Roman?” Virgil said softly as he picked up his plant, hastily scooping as much of the spilled soil back into the pot and placing it back on the dresser before kneeling down next to the prince. Roman’s shoulders shook, though he didn’t make any move to indicate that he’d heard Virgil.

“Can you hear me, Roman?” Virgil asked softly, although his entire brain was screaming at him- obviously something was very very wrong if Roman was panicking- he never seemed bothered by anything “I need you to take a breath for me, alright?”

“V-Virgil-” Roman choked out, trying to reach for him, Virgil let Roman grab his wrist.

“Yeah Princey, I’m here,” Virgil answered, patting Roman’s arm, “You remember the- the breathing exercises Logan and I had you guys practice?”

“I- Virgil I- I fucked up- I fu-fucked up really bad-” Roman choked out, between shallow breaths and sharp sobs.

“Roman,” Virgil said firmly, “I don’t care what happened or what you did right now, ok? You can explain later, you- you’re having a panic attack right now, and I really need you to calm down a little before you try and talk,”

Roman whimpered, before leaning forward and bumping his head against Virgil’s chest. Virgil took his free hand and placed it on Roman’s back, slowly beginning to rub comforting circles.

“Copy my breathing, alright?” Virgil instructed gently as he tried his best to regulate his own breathing into a steady rhythm.

Slowly Roman’s breathing slowed and deepened, though it didn’t quite return to it’s usual level, Virgil realised a little too late that Roman wouldn’t be able to completely calm down in his room. Being in Virgil’s room would only make this worse in the end.

“Come on, I’m going to sink us out to the commons, is that alright?” Virgil asked, Roman shook his head immediately, gripping tighter to his sleeve as a new wave of fear fell over his face, “Woah woah ok, not the commons then, I need you to keep trying to breathe for me, how about your room?”

Roman paused, before nodding. Virgil hummed an acknowledgement before sinking them both out into Roman’s room, they bounced a little as they landed on his bed, though Virgil was able to breathe deeply as the oppressive atmosphere of his own room fell from his shoulders. Roman seemed better off as well, though he was still crying.

“Alright, now you’ve calmed down a little, are you up for telling me what happened?” Virgil asked, not letting go of Roman. The prince didn’t make any move to let go of him either, though he did tense up when Virgil asked.

“I fucked up- Virge- I really, really fu-fucked up,” Roman answered, trying to wipe away his tears with his sleeve before Virgil summoned the box of tissues from across the room and passed one to him silently.

“You might have to elaborate on that one, buddy,” Virgil said softly, rubbing Roman’s shoulder.

“W-well I guess I just- we were- eugh,” Roman growled, shaking his hands.

“Take as long as you need, Ro,” Virgil mumbled, “Words are hard,”

“That’s certainly right,” Roman said with a sad laugh, before taking a deep breath, “After the wedding I guess we were- Patton and Thomas and I- were talking about- moral stuff and- and- Logan was trying to- and then Deceit showed up-”

“Of course he did,” Virgil shook his head, annoyed.

“He- he had good points but- anyway- I uh- god Virgil I was such an asshole,” Roman sighed, “He… told us his name,”

“He what,” Virgil said, now glaring over Roman’s head at his door to the imagination instead.

“Yeah.. and… and I think- I think Patton accepted him,” Roman mumbled.

“He what?” Virgil hissed, “How could he- how could he accept that- that snake! After everything-”

“Virgil- I-I laughed at him- when he told us,” Roman whispered, Virgil’s anger immediately fizzled out at Roman’s defeated tone, “I was just- so riled up from everything that happened and then- he- he chose to be vulnerable with us and I laughed- Virge, I called him- I fucking said he sounded like ‘a middle school librarian’, and like- I actually really like his name, it's really unique and interesting but in the heat of the moment I just-”

“I’m gonna be honest, Roman,” Virgil said, cutting him off, “The librarian thing is kinda accurate,”

“Virgil…” Roman whined, “That- that doesn’t help,”

“Sorry- sorry,” Virgil apologised, “No making fun of Janus, got it,”

“Wait- how do you know his name? I didn’t tell you that-”

“You remember uh- after the episode with Remus?” Roman flinched and Virgil winced- he should’ve thought that Roman’s brother would be a sore subject, “When you guys all found out I used to be a dark side?”

“Oh- right,” Roman said, seeming defeated, “Speaking- speaking of Remus…”

“Did- he show up too?” Virgil asked, tilting his head.

“No- no… just… De- Janus made a comment,” Roman looked down…

“Can you tell me what he said?” Virgil asked.

“I-” Roman was interrupted by a knock on the door that made him flinch, gripping tighter to Virgil’s hoodie. Gently, Virgil patted his hair.

“You wanna answer it?” Virgil asked, Roman adamantly shook his head.

“I- I don’t want- I don’t want to- to talk to anyone right now- especially not Patton- or- or Janus,” Roman said, voice shaky and quiet. It really did break Virgil’s heart to see him like that.

“I’ll tell whoever it is to go away, then, alright?” Virgil asked, Roman nodded and slowly let him go and the anxious side ruffled his hair before swiftly standing up and heading for the door. Opening it only slightly to find the cardigan-clad moral side at the door.

“Ro- oh! Hey Virgil, kiddo! Is Roman in? I just wanted to-”

“Roman doesn’t want to talk to anyone at the moment,” Virgil interrupted, making sure the door didn’t open any more than it already had, “He’ll talk to you when he’s ready.”

“...Alright kiddo- but if I could just-” Patton said, gently trying to push open the door, “I’d just like to see if he’s ok,”

“No,” Virgil said, pushing back on the door, “If you even think that there’s any chance that anyone’s ok after everything that I heard just happened, you don’t belong in here right now,”

With that closing statement, Virgil closed the door in Patton’s face before heading back over to Roman, who had taken one of his plush pillows to hold onto in Virgil’s place.

Sitting back down, Virgil slowly put an arm around Roman’s shoulder. Roman leant into him with a sigh.

“So… if you’re up to it- Will you tell me what Janus said?” Virgil asked quietly, rubbing Roman’s shoulder, Roman practically melted into the touch.

“He…he said-” Roman said, before scrunching up his face with a whine, “I can’t- I- I just- I-”

“Hey- hey- breathe, Princey, breathe,” Virgil said, holding him a little tighter while Roman tried once again to copy his breathing.

“I- I’ll just- show you…” Roman sighed, waving one of his hands in front of them until a slightly fuzzy image of Thomas’ living room appeared in front of them, a fuzzy patton and Roman stood in their usual spots, as well as Thomas, except Janus appeared standing in Logan’s usual space. An illusion- kind of like Remus’. Virgil had almost forgotten that the other sides’ rooms enhanced some of their powers the same way his room did for him.

“Oh, Roman,” The illusion Janus spoke, the Roman beside him flinched just as the illusion’s Roman’s face fell and Virgil realised this wasn’t an illusion, it was a memory- Roman’s memory that he was showing to Virgil in illusion form, “Thank god you don’t have a moustache, otherwise between you and Remus, I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is,”

Virgil stared in shock as the memory kept playing, everyone else going silent as Roman looked around for some kind of reassurance.

“Are you guys seriously going to take his side?” Illusion Roman asked, illusion Thomas stuttered, before being interrupted, “Over me?”

Virgil found it interesting to note, looking around at all of the side’s faces in the memory, that Janus actually looked like he regretted what he said.

“I thought I was your hero,” Memory Roman said, growing more upset as Thomas tried to reassure him and the memory fizzled away, leaving the room empty once again.

“Oh… Roman,” Virgil murmured as the prince practically collapsed into his offered embrace, beginning to sob into his shirt. Virgil could do nothing but murmur reassurances and stroke Roman's hair while he plotted to murder that snake the next time he saw the guy. That chance, unfortunately for everyone involved, came much sooner than Virgil had expected.

Because just as Roman's tears had once again begun to calm down there was another knock at the door.

"I'll get it," Virgil told Roman before he could react, carefully untangling himself, "I'll be back in a second, ok Princey?"

Roman nodded and let him go, wiping at the tears on his cheeks as Virgil made his way over to the door and opened it slightly in the same way he did for Patton.

Though, unlike when it was Patton at the door, when Virgil saw Janus he simply hissed and attempted to slam the door. Janus was smarter than that, though (of course he was, Virgil thought bitterly) and stuck his foot in the gap to prevent the door being closed.

"I was warned that Roman had a guard dog, I suppose Patton wasn't far off the mark," Janus hissed, his voice a whisper, which was really Virgil's only saving grace here.

"Fuck off," Virgil said, trying to slam the door again. He knew Janus' foot was still blocking the door from closing, it was just incredibly satisfying to slam the door on his foot, "Roman doesn't want to see you, so go away,"

"Virgil please,* Janus said and for a moment Virgil was hit with the notes of remorse in that plea, "I wish to apologise-"

"He doesn't, want, to see you," Virgil gritted out, "I don't care if your intentions are as pure as gold, Roman is not in the state to talk to you right now,"

"I did many wrongs by him, Virgil," Janus tried to protest, though he didn't attempt to push the door open like Patton had, "I have to speak with him."

"After everything you've done you really think you can just- just come in here with your flowery language and fake apologies and expect everything to be ok?" Virgil asked, fighting to keep his voice quiet, "After you've used him, manipulated him and then berated him? Made him think he wasn't a hero? That was all you, buddy,"

Virgil leaned forward and grabbed the front of Janus' capulet in his fist, they were almost nose to nose now.

"If you really think I'm going to let you speak to him, let alone lay a finger on him until he is ready, then you're thinking wrong," Virgil said, voice harsh, "No-one is talking to Roman until he's ready to talk,"

Virgil let the other side go and he stepped back from the door, looking adequately shaken. It was only then that Virgil realised that Janus wasn't wearing his gloves, and that might've been the only thing that stopped him from slamming the door there and then. He sighed.

"Look, Janus, Roman is upset right now, he's not in the right state of mind to talk to anyone, especially you guys and-" Virgil took a deep breath, "Look I- I know you and Patton probably feel like shit about what happened up there, ok,"

Virgil huffed, wondering if Janus would speak, when he didn't Virgil chose to just continue, "But you know as well as anyone that everyone has different ways of coping with stress and sadness and- trust me this is Roman's way, you'll only hurt him more by forcing an apology on him when he isn't ready to accept it,"

Janus fiddled with his sleeve, looking down and away like a scolded child, "I… understand, Virgil,"

"I'll tell him what you said, and he'll come to you when he's ready," Janus looked doubtful, so he continued, "I know Roman better than any of the others, Jan he's… my best friend, he'll come and talk to you once he has the words,"

Janus was silent for a long while, before sighing, meeting Virgil's eyes, "I was your best friend, once,"

"Yeah well, things change," Virgil said, looking away before sighing, "Go away now, and uh- tell the others not to come up here, will you? I don't want to have to slam more feet in the door,"

Virgil could've sworn Janus almost smiled then as he turned to head down the hall.

"I think I can manage that," Janus said, glancing back.

"Good, oh and Janus?" Virgil called, leaning out of the door, Janus turned, Virgil whispered just loud enough for Janus to hear, "If you really want to get on Roman's good side, make one of those red velvet cakes you always used to make, red velvet is his favourite,"

"Oh well now you're truly asking too much of me, Virgil," Janus said as he turned to continue walking.

—-

“Wh-what did he want?” Roman asked after Virgil closed the door and made his way back to the bed.

“He says he wants to apologise,” Virgil huffed, “But- he’s willing to wait for you,”

Roman sighed, pulling himself into a tighter ball and glancing around his room, “I don’t… think- I don’t think I could… say all the things I wish to say to him- or- any of them- right now.”

“That’s alright,” Virgil said immediately, “It’s ok to not be ready, I can promise you they’re willing to wait. For now… how about we get comfy here and watch a few movies?”

“May I have the first choice?” Roman asked, already pulling up Disney+ on his laptop.

Virgil couldn’t help but chuckle as he resigned to the evening of watching the cheesiest classic Disney films there were, “All yours, Princey,”

—-

Halfway through their movie night, one of the others left dinner for them outside the door, knocking and then sinking out so that when Virgil opened it in a huff all he found was a plate of quesadillas- enough to share between both of them. The anxious side could tell immediately that it was Janus’ cooking, he had a way with cooking that Patton could never seem to achieve, arranging the food in a way that effortlessly looked like it could’ve come straight from a five star gourmet restaurant.

Virgil couldn’t help a smile as he brought the food back to Roman’s bed, they ate it while making their way through the second movie of the night.

“You know… as much as I hate to admit that I like anything about Janus… I missed his cooking,” Virgil huffed as he finished off the last quesadilla on the plate.

“I could stand to get used to it,” Roman nodded with a soft, tired laugh.

—

By the end of their third movie, Roman had fallen fast asleep, and that meant it was time for Virgil to get some answers that he couldn’t get from Roman. With a deep breath, he very carefully pulled away from Roman. He paused for a second, holding his breath as he made sure Roman wouldn’t wake up before sighing and taking the plate, sinking out to the commons.

“Hey Virge!” Patton exclaimed the moment Virgil had risen up, “How’s Roman doing?”

“He fell asleep,” Virgil answered shortly, he still wasn’t sure who exactly was in the wrong for this entire mess, but for now he was going by the principle of guilty until proven innocent.

“Oh- er- alright kiddo,” Patton said, going back to whatever he was doing, obviously realising Virgil didn’t want to talk.

Virgil nodded before heading into the kitchen to wash up the plate, unfortunately Janus was also there- making a cup of tea.

“Ah, Virgil, just the side I didn’t want to see,” Janus turned to face him, “Do you have a moment, I wouldn’t like to speak with you,”

“Not right now,” Virgil answered, turning on the tap.

“It’s not important at all that I-”

“I said not now,” Virgil said, turning around, “Look, this can wait, I need to go and see Thomas before he goes to sleep, so- whatever you have to talk to me about- it can wait until I’m done with that, ok? I’ll- I’ll come and find you,”

Janus looked torn, but in the end he sighed, relenting, “Alright, I won’t wash that up for you, go and do what you have to,”

“...Thanks,” Virgil huffed, leaving the plate and sinking out once again.

This time when Virgil rose up it was in Thomas’ living room. Glancing around he concluded that Thomas was not, in fact, there. He’s probably just somewhere else in the apartment, Virgil thought as he took a steadying breath. It wasn’t uncommon for Thomas not to be in the living room when the sides rose up outside of filming. Hearing a clunk from the kitchen indicated that that was where Thomas was- or there could be a burglar in their apartmen- no, Virgil, focus.

It turned out that the noise in the kitchen was caused by Thomas, not a burglar, thank god.

“...Hey Thomas?” Virgil called from the door of the kitchen, Thomas turned quickly, before relaxing slightly.

“Oh, Virgil,” Thomas said with a sigh, “It’s just you,”

‘Shit’ Virgil thought, in his hurry he’d forgotten that he wasn’t exactly on the best of terms with his centre either, the last time he’d directly talked to Thomas he’d driven them both into a panic attack, and the time before that he’d told everyone he used to be a dark side- deep breaths, Virge, you can do this.

“Yeah- just me,” Virgil nodded, “I was… wondering if I could watch the video of what went down earlier, I know you were filming,”

“Oh right- you missed it,” Thomas nodded, rubbing a hand across his face, “Give me a second to finish this and I’ll grab my laptop,”

—-

Virgil sat in stunned silence as he watched the video back and Thomas hovered awkwardly in the edge of the room.

He watched as Patton told Roman his opinion was wrong after prompting him to share, he watched as Roman tried to yet again blame himself for their problems, he watched Patton skip Logan- allowing the perfect opportunity for Janus to take his place. He watched Patton freak out and turn into a giant frog, he saw how Janus did nothing but protect Thomas from the moment he revealed himself, he saw Roman desperately try to keep fighting.

And then he watched Janus reveal his name, he watched Roman laugh, he watched the same scene Roman had shown him earlier.

He saw Roman look to Janus to confirm whether or not Thomas was lying, he saw Janus nod in response.

Roman sank out, straight to Virgil’s room if he could guess, Patton left to check on Roman, and Janus told Thomas to push someone down a flight of stairs. Well, at least Janus seemed to be fine.

After the video ended it took Virgil a few tense seconds to pull himself together, before turning to look at Thomas.

“Are… are you ok? After all that?” Virgil asked quietly, “I know the mindscape is a mess right now so- so chances are you’re not but… I’d like to hear from you,”

“I’m… better than I was when we ended that video,” Thomas shrugged, “Otherwise I… guess I’m doing as well as I can be, how’s Roman?”

“He sank out straight to my room,” Virgil sighed, “I’ve been with him since, got him to calm down with Disney films,”

“Of course,”

“Of course,” Virgil nodded, “He’s sleeping now but… there’s a lot that needs to be said- and not just from Roman, and we’re working on it, I just- wanted the whole context of what happened before I started pointing fingers too.”

“Thanks for that, Virgil,” Thomas said, completely sincere, “To be honest, I’m glad you weren’t there- no- wait- not like- not like I didn’t want you there- but-”

“It means you have at least one impartial side, I get it,” Virgil shrugged, “Unless you count Remus- but- no Remus isn’t impartial, he’d side with whoever it would be funniest to side with,”

“Yeah that’s probably right,” Thomas shrugged, “Uhh- if you’re staying, would you like a cupcake?”

“...No number of cupcakes would be able to fill the empty void where my soul should be,”

“They’re vanilla?”

“...Ok fine gimme one,”

—-

When Virgil returned to the mindscape he sank straight to the hallway outside of Janus’ door. He might be absolutely exhausted from dealing with everything at this point, and he needed to check up on Roman, but he had told Janus that he’d come find him when he was done with Thomas and Virgil wasn’t exactly one to go back on his word about stuff like that.

Standing outside of Janus’ door was odd, to say the least. Virgil hadn’t been here since… he shook his head, no point reminiscing about the past now. He knocked.

“The door is locked,” Janus’ smooth voice called from inside and god Virgil just wanted to punch the guy, just once! Instead he simply pushed open the door a little harder than he would usually have.

Janus was no longer wearing his regular clothes, instead he was sitting at his desk in an oversized hoodie that looked suspiciously like one of his old ones that he thought he’d lost. He had been writing in a notebook, gloves off and hat askew.

“Hey, you wanted to talk to me?” Virgil asked, standing in the doorway. Janus turned in his chair, god it was hot in here, Virgil would never get used to that.

“Yes,” Janus nodded. “Did you get what you wanted from your meeting with Thomas.”

“Mhm, gained some valuable knowledge and exhaustion points, so whatever you wanted to talk to me about better be quick or I’m going to need some coffee,” Virgil huffed, leaning on the doorframe, he hated Janus’ room, in all sincerity, because it forced the sincerity out of you. For the guy called Deceit, his room made it almost impossible to lie.

“Well first of all, I would like to tell you that I’m an idiot,” Janus said, before grimacing, “I didn’t mean to say that, What I meant to say, was that I wanted to apologise for making everything more difficult for you,”

“...oh,” Virgil couldn’t think of the right words to say, so he stayed silent.

“I suppose I simply found it difficult to accept, especially at first, that you had found a new family in the light sides,” Janus said with a dramatic sigh, “But seeing you protect Roman earlier made me come to the realisation as to how shitty of a person I have been, to all of you, but especially to Roman,”

“Thanks, for the apology, I guess- I just- It hurt, to leave you guys, I guess, but- I wish I had done it in a way that didn’t make you hate me,” Virgil sighed.

“I never hated you,” Janus said immediately, Virgil looked up, eyes wide, “Envied you, maybe, hated the others for taking you away, definitely, but hated you? Never,”

“Oh,” Virgil whispered into the now silent room, “I… don’t think I ever really hated you either,”

“That's… good to know,” Janus said, folding his arms around himself, “I’m worried that Roman might, though,”

“He would have every reason to,” Virgil couldn’t help but say, damn Janus’ room for pulling the words from his throat.

“I’m well aware,” Janus nodded, “I hope he doesn’t, though,”

“Sap,” Virgil said, a small smile on his face, “That shit’s for you two to sort through, I’m not your couple’s therapist,”

“I- wha-”

“Bye Janus,” Virgil said, wiggling his fingers in a wave-like fashion before closing the door and sinking out. He had no idea why he’d said half of the things he had said, but oh well, no point dwelling on that now. When he rose up, he was finally back in Roman’s room. Just this last stop before he could finally pass out on his own bed.

On arrival in Roman’s room he let out a sigh of relief to find that Roman was still sleeping, though it looked restless. The prince was clutching onto one of his pillows for dear life with his face buried into the soft material. His blankets were half on the floor and it looked as though Roman had kicked them away in his sleep.

As quietly as he could manage, Virgil made his way over to the bed, picking up the blankets and gently tucking the prince back in properly, Roman shifted to seemingly get more comfortable in the blankets and Virgil couldn’t help the urge to run his fingers through Roman’s hair.

Unfortunately though, as he moved to pull his hand away his wrist was grabbed in a loose grip- loose enough that Virgil could easily pull away if he wanted to. Roman looked up at him now, slowly blinking open his half asleep eyes to look at Virgil.

“Stay?” Roman asked softly and…. Really what kind of soul crushing monster would Virgil have to be to say no to that.

#sanders sides #roman sanders #ts roman #roman sanders angst #sanders sides virgil #virgil sanders #ts virgil #janus sanders #patton sanders #fanfic #fanfiction #sanders sides fanfiction #rowans writings

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oreganosbaby · 1 year

Note

I believe that Kendall would call Shiv a TERF in an argument as a gotcha and she would get very angry and defensive about how of course she considers herself to be an ally to trans people in some vague nebulous way, while Roman who does not know nor care what a TERF is keeps deliberately riling up both of them from the side for fun

Ok this is difficult because it really depends on the context that this gets brought up. Like, the way Shiv would respond depends on how the topic of trans people has made her think about her own gender. Shiv's relationship to womanhood is quite complicated and I do still think she doesn't not identify with it but, she also doesn't feel any strong connection to it either. She would see the social conditions of womanhood as imposed on her but, her womanhood proper as being unimportant; however, I think that she also thinks that womanhood isn't a choice you can make because the conditions imposed on her are misogynistic. There's no reason she'd choose that because it's obviously disadvantageous but, she also doesn't feel any desire or need to not be a woman. Really, I don't think she thinks very hard about this. If she thinks about it for more than like 10 minutes, the transphobia sets in, though.

Since I made that list, I've thought more about how transphobic each character would be and well, Kendall has more potential than I initially thought but, it really could go either way depending on the context. I'm mostly saying this because I remembered that weird comment he made about Roman jerking off in Rava's panties. It was pretty mean and he's lucky Roman didn't hear that but, it's obviously one of those things where Shiv and Kendall attempt to bond over not being "perverts" like Roman allegedly is. The interesting thing here is how Kendall frames Roman's perversion. Him saying that Roman gets off on feminising himself (not being forcefemmed by someone else) is... cutting it real fucking close. Kendall identifies Roman's perversion as being tied to his femininity but, he can't really understand what that means. So, it becomes that Roman fetishes his own femininity which obviously, isn't really true. Roman desires to be seen by others that way but he's not attracted to femininity itself.

I think Kendall doesn't understand the point of wanting to be wanted in that way despite subconsciously also wanting that to a significantly lesser degree. Like even outside of sexuality proper (though this is obviously tangentially related), Kendall sees himself more as being Daddy's Best Knight or whatever even though that's obviously still submissive. Kendall thinks this makes sense and if they didn't live in Logan's world, yeah it does. Roman, however, wants to be Daddy's Little Princess and that's a role that doesn't fucking exist so, it's kind of unthinkable to most of them. The Roys would probably all share the opinion that this hypothetical role is inherently degrading. Shiv is not that because in Logan's mind, she's basically an angel because to him, she's practically the metaphysical essence of purity (until she reminds him that she is a person with her own mind). Shiv doesn't have a body and her use isn't in her body either aside from some vague acknowledgement of her being a cis woman via being his Only Daughter. Roman's hypothetical use as Daddy's Little Princess would be (in a purely platonic aesthetic sense), at least in part. Logan, of course, would never ever subject any of his children to the horror of knowing your own body (even though conceiving them already did that). Logan would NOT call a child, let alone his OWN children, "cute" because he is NOT a sicko pervert nonce.

#succ sesh #myplasticadversary #sorry this got long...#tw transphobia //#dalia replies

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eiiskonigin · 1 year

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@candlewick-corporation: 🎲🎲🎲 platonic!!! if u get a lewd one you reroll or else

1. A kiss on the cheek

Truthfully, Winter had never really desired another sibling. She'd been perfectly contented with the two biological ones she had been fortunate enough to receive. It seemed that that message never made it's way to Roman, however; even now that they were both adults who assuredly did not need someone monitoring them day in and day out he was always there, lending a hand. Ensuring she took care of herself.

She must be feeling soft, that particular afternoon. When Roman sets down the bag of food beside where she's seated at her desk, listing off some prepared monologue about how lukewarm coffee is not lunch, she leans over in her seat to sneak a quick kiss to his cheek. If nothing else, it stopped the lecture he was in the middle of.

"...thank you. I know I don't say that enough." And then, as if she hadn't just shown that rather open display of affection, she begins to open the bag to retrieve whatever new thing he's brought for her for lunch.

kiss roulette

#( candlewick corporation / roman torchwick ) / ✦ local man arrested for everything .#( answered ) / ✦ do i make myself clear ?#/ he is the sole reason she is eating

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 1 year

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Work of Art

Prompts: Hi! Umm firstly I just want to say I adore your fics! Especially the sanderside and Merlin ones 💜 Secondly, I don't know if you are taking promps right now but if you are I've had a idea bouncing around my head for a hurt/comfort Roman fic for... well longer then I care to admit 😅 I was thinking one were Roman in attempt to make amends he paints/draws everyone something representing how he thinks of them? In a kinda abstract but very positive way! (Extra points if everyone has already apologized to eachother but no one has apologized to him and he thinks he doesn't deserve any) and everyone loves the paintings but sadly Roman didn't do one representing himself so they can't have a set! except he very much did and it isn't flattering. I'm thinking some form of broken/rusting crown/sword and colors of brusing or some such. Followed up with realizations of how not great Roman is doing and much comfort. Sorry if this is to much but it feels like something you'd do really well if its not your vibe no worries and I hope you have a wonderful day! - ultrageekygirl

Hello, first of all I have to say I really really love your writing even if I don't leave any comments. I've had to have read all your work about 3 times now but I haven't much counted. I was wondering if maybe you could write some hurt/comfort with Logan? Like how he can't get a word in edge wise and it's no fault of the other sides they just don't seem to notice? And slowly he just learns to stop talking and contributing. And like maybe Roman notices and they have a heart to heart late at night? U don't like have to do this if u don't want to it's just an idea I suppose. -a dutiful reader

Read on Ao3

Warnings: self-esteem issues, self-doubt

Pairings: dlampr, can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count: 5741

Out of all the things that Roman could be doing right now, he finds himself staring at the easel in the corner of his room.

It’s just gone sunset and everyone’s split up after dinner to wind down for the evening. Dinner hadn’t been anything spectacularly good or bad, not really. No one got into a fight, no one was celebrating anything, it was the perfect small-talk-and-eat meal.

He tries not to feel too disappointed and then not to hate himself for feeling disappointment.

Deciding that there are far too many thoughts buzzing about his head for him to even think about going to sleep, he gets up and goes over to the easel, unfolding it and setting it up in the middle of his room. He snaps his fingers to get out of his prince costume and reaches for the paints and brushes on a nearby shelf.

As he sets them up, the buzzing begins to solidify.

Everyone has been—well, not quite walking on eggshells but wary around each other. As though the smallest thing could set off another argument that would lead to a massive disagreement that could shatter whatever tenuous peace they’ve achieved. He knows it’s making Virgil antsy as hell and it probably isn’t too much of a stretch to believe that it’s wearing on everyone else too. Patton, at least, who can very much tell that something’s up with Thomas and so something’s probably up with the Sides too. And Logan, who’s never been one to hold his tongue if he truly believes something is wrong. Janus…Janus probably knows too. He can hear every lie in the Mindscape and Roman knows that there have been a damn sight more flying around lately. And Remus…well, Remus thrives in chaos.

Chaos abounds.

He looks back at the easel, chewing on his lip.

What if…what if he helped?

Not in any obvious way, not in any proactive way, not anything that would actually do that much, he’s learned his lesson when it comes to making big swings, but…maybe just to let them know he doesn’t have any hard feelings about anything that’s happened? That he still loves them?

A white canvas appears on the easel and Roman reaches for a brush.

———

He finishes Patton’s first, maybe just because Patton and feelings go closely together, maybe because he found himself reaching for a light blue color first, or maybe just by chance.

“Um, hey, Patton?”

Patton looks up from a book in the living room, smile coming a little slowly to his face but no less genuinely. “Oh, hey, kiddo! What’s going on?”

“Can I show you something?”

A flicker of surprise crosses his face and he stands up quickly. “Yeah! Yeah, kiddo, you can show me anything. Is it in the Imagination? Where are we going today?”

Roman blinks, slightly taken aback by the sudden enthusiasm. He must pause for a second too long because Patton’s looking at him in concern.

“Roman? You—you okay?”

Snap out of it. “Yes, yes, sorry, I just—“ he scratches the back of his head— “I guess it’s been a while, huh?”

“Since you wanted to show me stuff? Yeah, kiddo, it’s been a while, but that’s why I’m so excited! I want to see what you made!”

A smile tugs at the corners of his mouth and he bows, gesturing elegantly up the stairs. “Right this way, then.”

Patton beams and they make their way upstairs. He almost reaches for the door to the Imagination before Roman reaches out and shakes his head, tangling Patton’s fingers in his and leading him further down the hall.

“It’s in my room.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Are you…disappointed?”

“No! No, no, I still really want to see what you’ve made, I…” He shuffles a bit as they come to a stop. “Okay, maybe I’m a little disappointed.”

Something twitches in Roman’s chest. Has he really been so stingy with Imagination time? “After I show you, we could still go in the Imagination, there’s a, um, there’s a new forest that I think you’d like.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, sure.” He smiles and pushes open the door. “Come in, it’s right over here.”

Patton walks in and stops, his eyes glued to the canvas. His mouth drops open and he grabs Roman’s arm. “Roman—oh, kiddo, did you do this?”

“Yeah,” he says a bit sheepishly, scratching the back of his head again, “it’s, um…it’s you.”

His eyes widen even further. “It’s me?”

Roman gestures to the canvas, upon which an almost anatomically correct heart has been painted in soft blues, yellows, and purples. Surrounded by paint splatters that look almost like shadows, the heart seems to pulse in a mysterious blue aether when it catches the light just right.

“Yeah, Padre, that’s…well, I guess it’s kinda how I see you.”

Patton turns to look at him, his eyes reluctant to leave the canvas, staring up at Roman. Roman swallows.

“You…you’re—“ god, this is so much harder out loud— “you do a lot of work that goes unnoticed sometimes. Like just keeping us understanding that we’re having feelings and emotions but we’re not our feelings and emotions and—I don’t know, you just—you feel like a constant to me, you know?”

Silence follows his comments—that were not said to Patton’s face directly, he’s not brave enough for that—and Roman winces, worried he’s said something wrong or not said enough or maybe the colors are just wrong.

“I mean maybe it’s a bit too literal with the whole heart thing, so—“

A sniffle and a tight grip on his arm and Patton shakes his head wildly. “No, no, kiddo, it’s—it’s beautiful.”

“…you like it?”

“Oh, sweetheart, I love it!” Patton claps his hands and reaches out to squeeze Roman’s shoulder again. “It’s—it’s—well, gosh, I don’t have the words to describe it!”

The heaviness flickers as Roman smiles in relief, sagging a bit into Patton’s touch. “I’m happy you like it.”

“How could I not? Oh, kiddo, thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“If you want help moving it, I can—“

“Moving it?” Patton looks up sharply. “What do you mean, moving it?”

“Well, it’s yours. You can put it wherever you want it.”

“Can we hang it in my room?”

“Yeah, Padre,” Roman says, trying to hide how giddy he is that Patton likes it so much he wants to hang it in his room, “we can put it in your room.”

Patton squeals excitedly and snaps on a pair of gloves as Roman carefully covers it with a sheet. They pick it up and walk it down to Patton’s room, carefully propping it against the bed as Patton looks around for where to hang it.

“Can I put it right above my bed?”

“Sure. Hold that side?”

“Here?”

“Yes. Let’s just—is that height right?”

“Looks good, yes.”

“Alright, and then let’s just…okay, there. That should be in the right spot.”

They step back to look at it and Patton throws his arms around Roman. “Oh, kiddo, I really do love it.”

Roman chuckles. “Still want to go to the Imagination?”

“Can I stand here and look at it for a little longer?”

“Sure, Padre.”

———

He finishes Logan’s next, probably because he was too lazy to wash all the blue off of one of his brushes and the buzzing decided it liked how it looked. He takes a bit longer with this one just because keeping his brushstrokes so even was much more time-consuming than he’d anticipated, but it’s worth it when he steps back to see the result.

He knocks on Logan’s door.

“Come in?”

Roman swallows and opens the door, smiling a bit when he sees Logan glancing over from his computer. “Hey, Specs. Can I borrow you for just a moment? Won’t be more than ten minutes, promise.”

“Ah, Roman, hello.” Logan glances at a clock. “Yes, I suppose I can spare ten minutes. What is it you need?”

“I want to show you something.”

Logan covers it well, but he falters a little as he gets up, quickly adjusting his tie. “Is this in the Imagination?”

“No, no, just in my room. Promise.”

“Alright.”

He tries not to fidget too obviously with his hands as he leads Logan back to his room, opening the door and gesturing for him to go through first. Logan accepts with a nod and goes in, glancing around before his eyes land on the easel.

“That’s it,” Roman says quietly as he shuts the door, “that’s what I wanted to show you. It’s for you.”

Logan doesn’t say anything, still looking at the canvas. A still body of water surrounded by mountains of galaxy, a single drop falling from some unknown height to make ripples that look as if they were molded from the fabric of the universe itself. Roman comes up hesitantly behind him, trying to get a glimpse of his face.

“It’s, um…it’s how I see you.”

Still nothing. Shit. Maybe he needs to explain more?

“You’re—you’re really clever, Logan, and not just in that you’re smart and you know a lot of things, but you—you get a bunch of stuff that goes way over my head and you always seem to know how it, like, fits? Like into the whole universe, you can just find the right place for a piece of information to go like you’re solving a puzzle and you make it look so—so—so natural.” He fiddles with his hands. “And I remembered that thing we were talking about with drops of water and how if you add another drop it’s still just one drop.”

Nice going, dunce. How are you connecting that to what you just said?

“A-and I know I’ve been—we’ve been—well, really, I’ve been pushing you more and more to the side and I know that’s not fair of me and I wanted you to know that I don’t just see you as there to provide the footnotes for a conversation or be just an encyclopedia or anything s-so I—“

Logan swallows.

“I—I mean—“

He cuts off when Logan turns to face him slowly with the softest expression he’s ever seen.

“…Specs?”

“Roman,” Logan says quietly, “this is magnificent.”

He swallows. “You…you like it?”

Logan just nods, looking back at the painting. “It’s extraordinary. The way you’ve used color and shadow to draw the focus to the center of the ripples, the way your scale has come together…”

Roman smiles helplessly as Logan begins to explain all the things he finds technically fascinating about the painting. He glances at the clock by his computer.

“Logan? I’m sorry, I don’t want to interrupt, but I did promise I wouldn’t take more than ten minutes.”

Logan just pauses and looks at him with a smile. “I think I can extend to fifteen.”

He really has missed getting to listen to Logan talk. He really needs to be better about that.

———

Virgil’s up next and Roman decides he’s never going to look at purple paint again unless he’s throwing it at a wall. He shakes his head and glances at all the tiny brushes and sponges and spends a good half an hour in the bathroom trying to get them all clean.

He texts Virgil when he’s done.

Me: hey are you really busy?

shadowling: no what do u want

Me: can i show you something?

shadowling: sure where

Me: my room

shadowling: k be rite there

Roman lets out a breath and glances at the painting one last time. This’ll be fine. This will be fine.

God, he hopes this is going to be fine.

A knock at the door. “Open up, Princey.”

“Coming!”

Virgil jerks his head at him. “Hey. What’d you want to show me?”

“Um…”

“Do not tell me you asked me here for no reason.”

“No, no, I just—oh, just come in.”

Virgil raises an eyebrow but does, stepping through. “I swear, Roman, if you just go the out of my room so Remus can put shit in there again, I’m gonna…”

His eyes land on the painting and his words trail off into silence. That’s…that’s probably a good sign, right?

Roman glances over again to see the massive spider in the middle of an expansive web dried just right, crouched in the middle of a shadowscape that seems to extend past the boundaries of the canvas. Silver glints off of some of the strands of the web, glitter packed carefully in tight little lines to catch the light just right.

“It’s for you.”

“Shut up.”

Roman slams his mouth shut. Okay. Maybe this isn’t a good thing. Is the spider too literal? Maybe he should’ve gone with something else.

“Shut up,” Virgil repeats, even though Roman hasn’t said anything, “shut up, Princey, you did not—you did not—“

He smacks Roman’s shoulder.

“You made this for me?”

“Y-yeah, it’s, um…” Fuck it. “It’s how I see you.”

“How you what?”

“You—you always talk about spiders being at the center of their webs so they can feel everything and I guess it just reminded me of you. Of how you, you know, you keep an eye on literally everything so you can warn us if there’s danger. I thought it was cool so I…”

Virgil mutters a curse under his breath. “Damn you, Princey, we were even.”

“We were what?”

“We were even.” Virgil smacks his shoulder again. “You go and do something this fucking incredible now? This—you made a fucking masterpiece for me and now I gotta deal with this? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Do you like it or not,” Roman asks weakly, “Virgil, I don’t—I don’t understand.”

“Of course I fucking like it, it’s fucking amazing.”

“Then why are you mad at me?”

“Oh, shit, Princey, I’m not—I’m not actually mad.” He knocks their elbows together. “I’m just—you know I’m bad with…stuff like this.”

“Like accepting things people give you?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit, I forgot about that. I’m sorry, I—“

“Don’t you fucking dare. This is great, I’m keeping it, you’re incredible, and now I’m gonna figure out some way to pay you back because I want to and you deserve it.”

Roman has absolutely no idea what’s going on anymore but Virgil seems to be happy with it so he’ll take it as a win.

“Do you want help moving it to your room?”

“Absolutely I do.”

———

Janus is up next and Roman is seriously considering getting one of those voice-activated light systems so he doesn’t have to keep getting up to turn the lights on and off.

He goes to knock on Janus’s door and fully startles when the door swings open unprompted.

“Roman,” Janus says smoothy, raising an eyebrow when he stumbles back, “to what do I owe the pleasure?”

He takes a moment to catch his breath and looks back up. “I wanted to see if you were free.”

“Perhaps I am, what is it you wanted?”

“I wanted to show you something.”

The eyebrow just ticks higher.

“In my room.”

Now both eyebrows are raised.

“Not like that, Janus, I just—please?”

“Oh, alright,” he sighs, shutting the door and looking way too much like some aristocrat who’s been terribly put out, “but this better be worth it.”

I hope so too.

He opens the door to let Janus in and hovers by it, watching anxiously as Janus’s eyes land on the painting.

“…Roman, just you do this?”

He nods, then realizes Janus is currently facing away from him and so can’t see. “Yes. Yeah, I…I did it. It’s for you.”

“For me, you say?”

“Yeah, um…hold on.”

He flicks off the lights and Janus doesn’t have time to stifle his gasp.

What had once been a simple pair of hands reaching out into the vastness of an abstract cityscape now has glowing lines leading from each finger down to various corners of the canvas. Glistening knots tie around each finger and behind them all, lurking off in the shadows, is a single yellow eye with a slit pupil.

“I tried to pick out the paint so it would glow but it wouldn’t be too bright in the dark,” Roman explains, “and I tried to make it so it looks good in the dark or the light.”

Janus turns to look at him, barely visible in the dim light. Just by the intensity of it, Roman can tell he’s narrowed his eyes. “What do you want, Roman?”

“Wh-what?”

“You heard me,” Janus says, voice firm, “what is it that you want from me?”

“Nothing, I—ah!”

For Janus had reached out and taken his chin in the dark, jerking his head up, the grip startling him terribly as he fumbles for the light switch again. He turns it back on to see Janus staring hard at him.

“I don’t want anything,” he mumbles around the hand, “I just wanted to give it to you.”

“Why?”

“Because I—it’s how I see you, you should have it.”

“Some puppet master, pulling strings behind the scenes?”

“No!” Fuck, this went really badly. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. “I—you can see through things in ways that I can’t and you want—you want what you want and you know how to get it and I think that’s really cool and so I—Janus, I can’t breathe—“

He gasps as the hand leaves his chin, rubbing his neck a bit as Janus turns back to the painting. He’s quiet.

“…I think you’re cool,” he mumbles lamely, “so I…made it.”

“And this is…for me?”

“Yes.”

“No strings attached?”

“No, no strings.”

Janus turns to him again, hand raised to brush his chin and Roman does his best to stifle the flinch. He doesn’t grab him this time, just lifts it slightly so they can look each other in the eye.

“Thank you, Roman,” Janus says after what feels like ages, “I like it.”

“Can you just say that next time?”

“Now where’s the fun in that?”

———

Remus. Remus, Remus, Remus.

There’s really only one thing he can do.

When he’s finished, he doesn’t bother to clean the paint from himself or snap himself back into his prince costume. He just sinks out to Remus’s room and tackles his brother to the bed.

“What—Ro!” Remus shrieks in delight and tries to roll on top of him. “Ro-bro!”

“Hey, Re.” Roman doesn’t let him roll them, burying his head in Remus’s neck to make him laugh. “Got something to show you.”

“Imagination?”

“Nope. My room.”

“Ooh!”

Remus doesn’t bother to get up, just sinks them both back to Roman’s bed, almost crushing Roman into the mattress before he scrabbles up to hit him with a pillow.

“Whoa, hey, hey, careful! You’ll knock it over!”

“Knock what—oh.”

Remus goes still. Roman pushes himself up carefully to see Remus staring in shock at the painting.

A black and white landscape that looks like it’s black lines on paper, only for there to be a figure in the center with its hands dug into it. Out of the points of contact, wild colors spill out with reckless abandon, flooding the nearby whiteness until it almost hurts to look at.

“R-ro?”

“Yeah?”

“’S that—that me?”

Roman smiles and sits up, hugging his brother as Remus clings to him. “Yeah, Re. That’s you. That’s how I see you.”

“‘M not just a mess?”

“You’re a mess and it’s glorious.” Roman glances back at the painting. “I think I just missed you.”

“Aw, Ro, I missed you too!”

Roman laughs as Remus tackles him back to the bed. “So you like it?”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes! If I could eat it, I would!”

“That’s the best compliment I could ever ask for.” He tries to move but Remus growls. “So you’re staying for a while, huh?”

“Yep. Put on a movie, we’re not going anywhere. My Ro-bro.”

Roman smiles and waves his hand to start a movie on his computer. Being Creativity with his brother is something he’ll never get tired of.

———

“I must say,” Logan remarks as he steps back, “they all look as though they fit.”

“Yeah, right?” Virgil leans against the couch. “I’m never doubting Princey again, jeez.”

“They do look really good.” Patton shakes his head and takes a drink of water. “Do you think he planned it that way?”

“It wouldn’t surprise me.”

“I dunno, he said he did them kinda one after the other. Maybe he just sees us in a way that fits.”

They turn as Janus and Remus appear, each carrying their own paintings. Janus pauses as he lays his down to be hung up next.

“…magnificent,” Logan murmurs, “aren’t they?”

Janus hums, eyes still roving over the paintings. “Why isn’t Thomas a painter if Roman can do this?”

“I presume it’s easier in the Mindscape than it would be to translate to Thomas’s hands.”

“Ah, I see.”

“Holy shit, J, that’s cool as fuck.”

“I know,” Janus preens, “it glows in the dark too.”

“Wait, for real? Lemme see!”

Patton flicks the light off and they all coo over the way Janus’s changes in the dark.

“Oh my god, that’s so cool.”

“Thank you.”

“Can it go next to mine? Spiders, strings, all that.”

“I don’t see why not.”

They quickly hoist Janus’s into place next to Virgil’s. Remus motions to the empty space next to Logan’s. “Can we put mine there?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Wait, let’s put it in between mine and yours, Logan,” Patton says, “the colors—“

“Yes, the colors.” Logan quickly shifts the two around. “Alright, Remus, let’s just—there.”

“These look so cool!” Patton claps his hands. “So, so, so cool!”

“What does?”

They all turn to look at Roman as he comes down the stairs, beaming and gesturing to their wall of paintings. Roman’s eyes widen as he sees all of their paintings hung up next to each other along one of the walls in the living room.

“…whoa.”

“Be proud of yourself,” Logan says softly, “you did an incredible job.”

“They look great together,” Virgil agrees, “you’re a wizard.”

“Now all we need is yours,” Patton says as he throws an arm around Roman’s shoulders, “and we’ll be all done?”

Something in Roman’s chest grows cold. “…mine?”

“Well, yeah, you silly, how else are we going to have a complete set?”

“O-oh.” Roman shifts out from under his arm. “You don’t…you don’t want mine up there.”

Janus frowns. “Why not?”

“It’s, um, it doesn’t go.”

“Wait, you did one for yourself already?” Virgil perks up. “Can we see it?”

“It won’t go with the rest of them, it’s okay, I’ll just keep that one in my room—“

“Roman,” Logan interrupts gently, “can we see it?”

“I, um—“ he looks around to see everyone staring at him hopefully— “yeah, yeah, you can see it.”

He isn’t expecting all of them to hop up and gather like a gaggle of ducklings, but he turns and trudges wearily back up the stairs to his room.

Don’t, a voice inside warns, don’t do this. You’ll ruin it. You’ll just ruin it. You said you weren’t going to do anything big and this is big. It’s selfish. Don’t make them look at it. Just lie and say you were wrong, say something, just don’t let them see.

But he’s already at his door and Janus is looking at him strangely.

“…what?”

“You were thinking about lying.”

“No, I wasn’t! Besides, you can’t hear that anyway.”

“No, I can’t, but you did just lie about not thinking about it.”

Fuck. Roman bites his lip and turns away, shame at being caught and tricked flushing his cheeks. He pushes open the door slightly harder than necessary and winces as it bangs against the wall.

“Roman,” Patton says slowly, “if you really don’t want to show us—“

“No, no, it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I just—“

“Well, just because it seems like you—“

“He’s being vulnerable,” Remus growls suddenly, “give him a second to figure out what that means.”

Roman closes his eyes and thanks every single hope and dream he’s ever had for Remus.

When he’s gathered himself a bit more, he crosses the room to a canvas covered with a sheet and rests his hand on it. The fabric rubs against his fingers and he debates leaving it covered. He could say no. He could make something up. He could do a lot of things that aren’t showing them this painting.

Aren’t showing them him.

But then he looks back over to see all their expectant faces and he takes a deep breath.

The sheet swishes as he pulls it free.

———

A white canvas appears with an easel and Roman reaches for a brush.

Because really, what has he done lately? He just causes problems. He shuts Logan out so he can’t say a damn thing when he’s the closest hope they have to actually getting somewhere. He pokes at Virgil just to make him snap back so he has an excuse for ebbing as sassy as he wants. He shores Patton up like he’s some great paragon of virtue and then throws a tantrum when he scolds him for doing so. He’s like a child throwing a hissy fit with Janus, always jumping and climbing the walls to try and get away from him like he doesn’t deserve the scorn and ridicule.

And he treats Remus like he’s the worst thing to ever exist.

The brush flies across the canvas and he splatters paint across himself.

Why is he doing this, anyway? Is he doing this because he cares about them or only to make himself feel better? If he’s doing it for the latter, he might as well not do it at all.

He reaches for another brush and red drips off the bristles.

He shouldn’t be doing this, then, he should be doing something less selfish. Something better. Something that isn’t him. Or something that is him but is…better.

Maybe he just needs to get it out. Get all the him out so that there won’t be anything left when he goes to paint the others.

So he does.

He paints and he paints and he paints.

And when he steps back to see what he’s done, he falls to his knees and buries his face in his hands.

———

Roman turns away as soon as the painting is unveiled, folding the sheet to be put back in its place as the others let out little noises.

He knows what they’re looking at.

A crown, broken and mangled next to a rusted and bloodied blade. A hand lying limply next to it, fingertips rubbed red and raw, scratched and bruised with calluses split open. Fingers that reach toward the objects because they don’t know how to do anything else. Unlike the others, which veer much closer to abstract shapes and fantastical colors, this one is rendered faithfully to the grim tones of the possible.

He doesn’t want them to see him and yet he’s never been more exposed.

“Roman,” Logan says, softly, softly, too softly, “may I give you a hug?”

May he…what?

“Me too,” Patton says and oh, no, it sounds like he’s crying, “oh, sweetheart…”

“Come here, Roman,” Janus is bidding now and he feels himself begin to move before he stops and curls his arms closer to himself, “Roman, come here.”

“You’re scaring him, J,” comes Virgil’s voice, “you gotta let him have a second.”

Roman squeezes his eyes shut.

“Ro,” Remus says from much closer, “I’m gonna put my arms around you now.”

Remus leans against him, warm and solid, and his arms wrap around his waist. He rests his forehead against the back of Roman’s neck and breathes in deeply.

“Ro,” he mumbles, “you gotta…you gotta let me hug you more often.”

No. No, he doesn’t.

“Don’t lie, sweetie,” Janus murmurs and he’s closer now too, “don’t lie and say you don’t need it. Let us hug you, please?”

Selfish. Selfish and stupid and needy.

“You’re not,” he says, voice growing sharper, “you are not selfish for wanting to be comforted.”

“Oh, sweetheart—“ no, he’s made Patton upset— “come—come here, sweetheart, come here.”

“Don’t overwhelm him,” Virgil mumbles and oh, he’s closer too, “Princey, can you open your eyes?”

He shakes his head.

“Okay. Can you listen to me?”

He nods.

“You’re panicking. Let Remus just hold you, okay? We’re not going anywhere, we’re not gonna hurt you, but you gotta calm down.”

Remus is holding him. Remus is right here. Remus isn’t leaving. Remus squeezes him around the waist and tugs him down to the bed. Remus is here. Remus isn’t mad.

Janus takes his hands in his gloved ones and starts to squeeze gently. Janus isn’t hurting him. Janus doesn’t seem mad either. Janus is here.

Virgil is helping him breathe. Virgil told him to calm down. Virgil said they aren’t leaving. Virgil doesn’t seem to be mad.

Logan has a hand on his back. Logan is warm. Logan isn’t mad either. Logan is talking softly to him and calling him dear one. Logan doesn’t do that when he’s mad.

Patton must have turned off the lights. Patton cups his face and wipes away his tears. Patton is calling him sweetheart and Patton can’t be mad at him. Patton’s here.

Roman opens his eyes slowly and realizes oh, I am panicking.

Of course, as soon as he realizes it, he starts to hyperventilate in Patton’s hold and Remus quickly rolls them over so he can lean his whole weight on Roman’s chest. The deep pressure cuts through the worst of the haze until he can breathe again, gasping out that he’s sorry, he didn’t mean to be so dramatic, he really didn’t mean to—

“None of that, now,” Logan chides gently, “you’re upset and that’s alright. Take your time.”

Roman swallows painfully and Remus rubs his chest.

“You’re going great, Ro-bro, you really are.”

“I’m—I’m sorry, I just—I didn’t realize you’d—that you’d want to see and I—I—“

“Hey, Princey, it’s okay.” Virgil runs a hand through his hair. “You’re just kinda fragile right now and that’s okay.”

“B-but you don’t like me fragile, I’m not supposed to be—“

“We like you,” Janus interrupts, squeezing his hand again, “and that means you get to be a bit of a mess about it.”

“Janus,” Patton scolds, “be nice.”

“That is him being nice, unfortunately.”

Remus just hunkers down so Roman can breathe easier again. “You’re doing great. You don’t have to figure everything out right now.”

“We can figure everything out with the paintings later,” Logan agrees, “for now, let us be here for you.”

Roman has no idea what’s going on anymore but Remus is warm and solid and heavy and Logan is being nice and soft and Janus is still holding his hands and Virgil is telling him how to breathe and Patton is drawing the curtains so some of the soft light of the sunset comes in and maybe—

Maybe this is okay for right now.

———

(Later, Remus will quietly ask if that’s really how he sees himself. Roman might say nothing, but he might say yes.)

(Remus might politely call him a fucking idiot and tell him he looks like an explosion right when it’s happening and all you can see is light and feel the rush of energy through your body.)

(Logan might say that Roman is the whirl of electricity when you understand something for the first time and how it feels to see the dots connect in front of you.)

(Janus might say that Roman is the way you know your bed is going to be soft and warm at the end of a long cold day and you can’t wait to crawl into it.)

(Virgil might say that Roman is the buzz and bubble of excitement when you do something you thought you couldn’t for the first time.)

(Patton might say that Roman is the safety you feel when you’re out in a new place you don’t know and you find one friend that hovers by you the whole time in case you want someone to hug.)

(Roman might cry. Again.)

(And maybe he’ll be able to paint something that does finish the set with the others.)

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance @whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti

If you want to be added/taken off the taglist, let me know!

#sanders sides #dragonbabbles #fic #roman sanders #roman angst #roman sanders angst #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #janus sanders

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rubyneo · 2 years

Text

Making a new pinned post bc I lost my other one. Basic info can be found in my bio 🥰

I'm Cherry/Cj/Sage (they/them) and I'm your friendly local artist/writer/editor/general nuisance.

I post a lot about R/WBY, but you'll also be able to find posts about a lot of other stuff (S/PN, Ha/nnibal, 911, M/DZS, DC comics, etc)

I use tags for my mutuals and friends! Generally by name, but if I'm talking about multiple or in general I use the tag my internet mutual polycule is better than yours.

Bastardmance tag is for my wife Daisy/Rose moonedknights <3

I also have an untagged queue running with mainly aesthetic posts. (Sometimes I tag these, and you can find them under cj.aes, words, and poetry)

I tag vent-y/annoyed posts with cj.vent and salt tag, so you can filter those if you don't want to see those posts.

CHERRY BRANWYNS R/WBY FANDOM INDISCRETIONS:

if you're here because of the fallout between blaire tran/sjnpr and i last year: yes im still a big meanie who hates fun and popular ships, yes im still a nasty "panphobe" who thinks pansexuality and bisexuality are the SAME THING and pan people owe bi people $30 every time they say otherwise. here's my venmo for that :)

if you're here because of my past bmb/lb edits, posts, stories, headcanons, or the bee bible itself: im not a bee shipper anymore, though i can occasionally be convinced to make edits of them for friends or nice anons.

if you're here because you want to see if im a mean nasty little anti: bro i genuinely do not care anymore if i dont like you im gonna block and move on. if i dont like the content you produce im gonna block and move on. its very simple. dont bother me and im not gonna bother you. im 21 i dont care about pro v anti discourse anymore i just wanna make my blorbos kiss

if youre here because of ladybug: hiiii <3 please go pre-order the zine <3

if youre here because of the ECM weirdo freak post, yes i still think he is.

I DO unironically ship Qrow/Tyrian now. Cry about it <3

I think Sno/wfall is boring. It was cool at first but y'all had to make it a bland ass ship.

I've had this particular blog since November 2018, there's opinions on here that I don't hold anymore. I'm now a Cinder and Mercury fan, I think Cinder AND Salem are getting redeemed.

I still view Roman and Neo through a platonic lense and I don't take Roman Holiday as "canon" because of the stuff outlined in those linked posts.

Subsection of the above: I still think Neo is roughly the same age as the rest of the protagonists. (So 19-21)

I am a big meanie who hates popular ships. BB is boring, NND is interesting through a lense of Salem/Ozma's pattern being repeated and perhaps the issue of whether to bring Penny back or not giving the heroes sympathy for Salem's tragedy, FG was boring, WR is cool when my friends talk about it but too many of you are weird about it.

OTHER:

If you're here because of my donation post for my kitten: hi! Bumble went in for his surgery on 03/03/2022 and is healing at home. My mother loaned me $1k to pay it off and I'll be paying her back as I can.

I'm mainly a mobile user, so I may not notice if I've reblogged from someone nasty, so please feel free to send me an ask with a description of/link to the post and I'll happily delete it.

Trigger tagging: I TRY to remember to tag stuff, but I'm often using the fast reblog and queue functions so I'll probably miss things. Please let me know if you need something specific tagged.

Bi vs Pan discourse: I'm panphobic now.

Slurcourse: Stop trying to gatekeep slurs from people who are targeted by them 😭😭😭 Bi women are called the d slur, any flavor of gay person is called the f slur, cis people arent going to ask if im transfemme or transmasc before calling me the t slur when they find out i'm trans. The q slur is a slur as much as it's an identity.

Subset of the above: Use whatever identifier makes you feel comfortable, don't call ME q***r. Posts with it are tagged "q word" for blacklist usually.

Just...show respect and compassion for other people and don't call people slurs without their permission.

#cj.txt #don't rb

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justablah56 · 2 years

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Here's a little hurt/comfort Mociet fic I recently edited! I've had it posted on AO3 for a bit now, and decided now was a good time to post it here as well! so enjoy! im working on a part two for this fic and I have a completed analogical one that I'll post soon as well! but for now, enjoy some soft human au Mociet because I love them

TW: swearing, super minor self harm, panic attack, just the slightest bit of touch starved Patton. let me know if i missed anything!

Patton's POV

He was done. He certainly wished he wasn't, but Patton couldn't do it anymore.

Almost a year ago, he had met someone amazing. They were absolutely incredible. They were kind and caring, and they were pretty much his only friend. Their name was Virgil.

He didn't like them romantically, it was one hundred percent platonic, but he loved them with his whole heart.

In the year he had known them, he had been their 'mom friend', the one who they turned to whenever they needed anything! At least, he hoped they did.

At first, it had been just fine! They were just a couple of people who were friends! And no, the problem that arose wasn't what you'd probably expect.

Patton, was okay! He had a nice place, accepting parents, he had no reason to have problems, so of course he offered to help Virgil, who didn't have those things.

Virgil... didn't have the best household, per say. Their parents weren't the most supportive when they came out as gay, and even less when they came out as non-binary. Nothing had been the same for them since.

They had told me most of this on one particularly bad night... and of course I had done my best to help!

As time went on, Virgil's mental state had been steadily getting better! They got to the point where the times they needed my help became fewer and fewer. We had also met a few other people who had joined our friend group, two boys named Logan and Roman, then there were Remus and Janus, who were gender fluid and pan-gender, respectfully.

And with those new additions to their friend famILY, of course he offered his help to them as well! Because of course he'd never dream of denying anyone who needed help!

And as time progressed, they all helped each other. Everyone was doing better than before we had all met. We were all closer than family, randomly showing up at each others houses simply to crash on their couches and binge shows, or documentaries (in Logan's case).

To any 'normal' person, this should obviously be a good thing! Everyone was doing alright, and he had even gotten Virgil to open up enough to accept more friends, and believe me when I tell you how against that they were at first, especially with their severe social anxiety.should

Now of course, I was happy for them! I was glad that they were alright thanks to me! That I had been able to help! But...

Damn it... I shouldn't feel like this! It's selfish for me to feel so terribly about this...

They don't even need you anymore.

Shut up...

They'd all be perfectly fine without you!

N- well... yeah they probably would be...

You don't have any more purpose to them.

I gripped my hair, hard, as I felt my breathing start to pick up.

They're fine now, they don't need you anymore, and it won't be long until you just... fade away!

"Stop it..." I whispered, not even noticing when my glasses slipped from my face.

The only reason they've stuck around you this long was because you were able to help them! And now they don't need you anymore!

At this point he just wished the tears would fall... It might relieve at least some of his feelings...

It took what seemed to be only a moment for Patton to realize that his hands had left his hair in favor of vigorously scratching at his knuckles.

He didn't care. It made him gave him at least some sense of feeling something.

He just wished he could just... feel something real! Something that wasn't just the pain that he set upon himself. Or at least have a name for... whatever he was feeling...

When it came to helping his friends, he had no problem with listening and figuring out their emotions and how to best help them. He knew them. He knew what helped who, who needed what to feel better, but when it came to himself? It was a completely different story...

Why can't I just be fucking okay...?

It was then I heard a knock on my bedroom door... One of his friends must have come in while he was, ah, distracted...

See? Now because you've been sitting here feeling sorry for yourself you won't even be able to help them!

I took a deep breath in a feeble attempt to dispel the thoughts, and carefully removed my nails from my knuckles, which refused to bleed, mostly because he didn't want to leave any sort of mark that his friends could ask him about... but regardless of that, they were an angry red.

I slipped the paws of my hoodie over my hands in a feeble attempt to cover the marks and put my glasses back onto my face, which only then I realized had fallen off in the first place.

"U-uh yeah one second! I'm-" I cursed quietly as in my hurry to the door I tripped, "'M comin!"

I finally reached the door and opened it with my usual fake smile to see a... concerned? -looking Janus.

"Oh- uh, hey Jan! What's up?" I asked, hoping no trace of my previous attack showed on my face."Sorry to bother you Pat," Janus started, and yep, that was definitely concern etched onto their face, "but you didn't respond when I called, nor any of my texts. Are you doing alright?"

...shit- I must've missed them during my... episode...

I watched their eyes flick up and down my self before Jan's heterochromatic eyes bore into mine.

I didn't exactly trust myself to speak... yeah sure I had spoken just moments ago, but that was before.

Janus just had a way of getting you to want to tell them anything. Just one look at their eyes and Patton was weak.

So, instead I opted on just opening the door wider in a silent offer for Jan to come inside.

They nodded slightly and stepped into my room, sitting down on the edge of my bed and looking at me questioningly.

I closed the door behind me and followed, sitting down next to Janus.

"Patton," they started. I had decided not to look into Jan's eyes... I just didn't want to say anything that might break the illusion that I was just fine.

Well, that was until Janus gripped my face and forced me to look at them.

"Patton, I can tell something's wrong, let me help." Their eyes looked almost pleading... as if I would be doing them the favor by telling them...

3rd Person POV

"...Please?" they asked desperately. Just that tone seemed to physically hurt Patton... The slight crack in their voice however, was what broke him.

The dam that had been holding everything back suddenly shattered, and everything came pouring out, starting with the tears.

"Oh Patton..." Janus held their arms out, silently giving Patton the permission to curl up in their arms.

Patton almost immediately collapsed into their arms, sobbing into Janus' shoulder, with just the feeling of the hug making his skin feel like it was burning... and oh how he longed for that burning.

Patton was blatantly sobbing, and he didn't know what to do. None of this was supposed to happen, he was supposed to be fine! If he wasn't then how would he be able to help any of them... and they'd leave him behind...

"Patton we would never leave you behind," Janus started once again through Patton's sobbing.

Shit... had he said that out loud?

He tried to respond, to defend himself, to reassure Janus that he must have misheard him! -But was choked back by yet another sob.

Janus brought up a hand to absent-mindedly card through Patton's hair, and wow, did the touch of his fingertips send fire through is scalp.

"It's okay to not be okay, for you especially." They said in a soft voice, their other hand tracing shapes against his back. "You carry the weight of all our problems. You're always there to lend an ear, never asking for anything in return."

Janus' voice coupled with their strong arm wrapped securely around him and their feather-light touches, calmed him down.

Patton could smell the comforting smell that was Janus, smelled like lemon zest and vanilla... then he noticed Janus had started talking again.

"You don't have to be grateful things aren't worse." Janus murmured against Patton's ear. "Just because you can't think of a reason to be feeling shitty, doesn't make those feelings any less valid."

Patton looked up from Janus' now tear-soaked jacket into their eyes,

"And what if I don't even know what these feelings are?" He asked softly.

Janus looked just the slightest bit surprised at the question.

Then they tugged Patton closer to their chest and pressed a firm kiss to his forehead.

"Then I will help you figure them out." they said, equally quiet, "and I'll try to help you with them as much as you help the rest of us."

It was then the tears started back up again and Patton clenched his aching hands around the fabric of Janus' jacket.

Janus' voice then sounded a bit panicked, "D-did I say something wrong? Are you alright?"

He quickly shook his head against Janus.

"N-no..." he said, smiling through his tears, snuffling, and hiccups. "You said everything right... th-ank you, Jan."

Patton could feel Janus relax against him.

Janus hummed in acknowledgment, "Of course Patton."

Of course, Janus ended up staying the night, simply being there to cuddle and to reassure Patton until he fell asleep, falling asleep shortly after. If Patton had per-chance turned to look back at Janus, he would have see the look of absolute adoration, tinged with just the slightest bit of worry, that Janus had stared at him with.

Annnnd that's it! thanks for reading, and if you have any requests or anything feel free to give them! I most likely won't be able to come up with anything myself because I'm just like that, so I welcome your ideas!!

#tss #ts sanders sides #sander sides fic #mociet #mociet fic #patton sanders #janus sanders #hurt/comfort

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piccolina-mina · 3 years

Text

The entire One Chicago franchise is a mess when it comes to the romantic components of the series. But Chicago PD continues to be the most uninspired, boring, and redundant mess when it comes to their romantic ships and how they display them.

It's as if someone holds a gun to their head and says "let's choose the most basic, young, white heteronormative relationships and smack a cutesy name on them. Fandom will eat it up!" And without fail, fandom always does.

It's bad enough that half the Intelligence Unit thinks they can only date or sleep with each other. It's also bad enough that it further contributes to Chicago PD's ongoing issue with rarely knowing what to do with its female characters beyond specific plots I've come to call the "traditionally feminine womanly plots" and tying them in with a male character where everything about them hinges on their connection to a male. And also that "there can only be one" issue where only one of the female characters can serve as the primary one while the others duke it out for screentime, plot, and relevancy (congrats on always winning Lindsay and Hailey).

But they recycle the same things ad nauseum. For eight seasons, they would rather devote all of their time cooking up romantic subplots that exclusively feature a constant rotation of Ruzek and Halstead. I get it, they're attractive, hell, I'm no stranger to thirsting over Ruz myself, but they're the lotharios of the unit as if only they can be desirable, and it's gotten so old. My God.

They would rather give us these two involved with mostly young and white women, especially their squad mates, then devote screentime to literally any alternative couple.

I mean they have SHARED a love interest. Why? The only ships they have ever devoted significant screentime or development to: Halstead and Erin, Halstead and Upton, Ruzek and Burgess, Ruzek and Upton, Burgess and Roman. Qwhite shocking, I know.

Trudy and Mouch have one of the sweetest crossover romances from the franchise, and it's so refreshing to see a middle-aged couple find love, and yet, they've all but cooled off showing them, rarely give that ship screentime, and it tends to stay in the peripheral compared to the big ships.

Dawson had a romance with Brett from Chicago Fire (another character who gets passed around to the point of absurdity), but they did very little with it, and most of THAT even took place on CF.

They gave Dawson something troubling with another law enforcement officer or whatever for like a single episode, but hell, they still devoted more time and actual arcs to the two or three times where they put Halsted in similar relationships because of course they did.

Never forget that the first relationship that dates pre-series was Chicago Fire's Gabby with *spins wheel* you guessed it, Jay Halstead.

And of course there was Erin and Severide. So pretty. So ... basic.

Yet they never attempted to give us more of Dawson and his wife or Olinsky and his. The women were barely characters on the series. It would've been something.

I don't mind Burzek. Out of all the ships, I enjoy them most more often than not, but it has been eight seasons of will they/won't they bullcrap that they've drawn out. All of these ups and downs. The one non-cop related romance Burgess had lasted all of a second and ended in tragedy because heaven forbid they DON'T put that woman through endless pain.

But they've always remained the second place ship of the series, and it's just... enough. Meanwhile, we started the series with Erin and Halstead monopolizing screentime with their romantic situationship drama, and instead of giving it a rest and changing things up when she left, they switched it out with the Halstead and Hailey will they/won't they. Why?

Heaven forbid Halstead or Ruzek don't have a piece of ass.

Ruzek was even Trudy's choice for a relationship ruse to dupe her father.

In the meantime, one of the most outlandish and unrealistic parts of this series is that Kevin Atwater-- young, smart, just as hot as Chicago PD's golden, pretty, white boys hasn't had a real, significant romantic storyline in the eight years this series has been on air.

In what universe does that make sense? Single, eligible, employed, decent black man? Da faq?

Pardon my bluntness but Kevin Atwater should be seeing more ass than a toilet seat. The fact that he isn't batting folks off with a stick is ludicrous.

He had ONE fkd up romantic storyline in his one "very special black Kevin" episode in season SIX and that's it. Pardon me? Do you know how many of those Jay has had? Twice or more than Kevin.

On a series that pairs up colleagues like it's their mission, they never once even considered taking the Burgess and Atwater relationship in any other direction beyond platonic (and even that is underused these days). I'm not even saying I would've wanted that. I'm just pointing out that it made no sense given their track record to not even tease it. But Kevin is only good for platonic purposes, I suppose.

The fact that they put all their eggs in a potential Atwater and Rojas ship, that never even came to fruition, in season SEVEN of a series Atwater has been in since the beginning when characters like Adam and Jay have already had two relationships or more under their belts by then is ridiculous.

And then there's Voight. He's the lead character and never once had a romantic storyline. If he were younger, you already know they would've went there a few times over.

Yet the closest Hank has come to one is an ambiguous scene with him talking to a sex worker in a hotel room back in, like, season two. Are we to believe that he has never once developed feelings for or even had sex with anyone else since his wife died? He's never moved on after that?

They could easily allude to him being on an ace or demi spectrum if they want, even if I would side eye them for choosing the older character to do it, but if that's the case, they should do something with that.

Even a storyline with a widowed, middle- aged hardass finding love or getting some would be infinitely more interesting and at the very least something different than the same old same old Ruzek & Halstead merry-go-round. Damn, the 50 and over crowd need love too.

And yet Chicago PD keeps feeding us the same bland diet repackaged.

Fine. Burzek has been a thing from the beginning. But after Jay and Erin WHY did they need Hailey and Jay? And if they were going to do Jay and Hailey, why in the mother loving fk did we need Hailey and Adam?

The good sis bagged not one but both of the coveted white boys.

I mean, just for variety, Dawson was right there. Kevin was right there. I wouldn't have been a fan, but hell, it would at least be something different. Much better than acting as if Halstead and Ruzek are the only viable romantic options.

Why subject her to that?

Isn't it bad enough that she's more often than not reduced to being Lindsay Lite anyway? They struggle to give her a presence that deviates and distinguishes her from Erin as is. From her troubled past, and her stage of being mini- Voight and challenging his authority, to this thing with Jay.

Hell, they even repeated a whole job offer thing.

Mind you, don't get me started on how they missed what should've been the obvious chance to make Hailey queer. If I'm stepping on toes, my bad, but everything about Hailey screamed bi or lesbian. She radiated queer energy, but INSTEAD they chose to pair her with not one but both of CPD's romantic male leads.

Why beat this well-tread path yet again?

Of all the possibilities, and all the different avenues they can explore, they just keep dipping into that same well, and it's so tiresome. It's so unoriginal and uninspired. Yes, it's just so basic. I'm talking 20th century shipping... CPD is so outdated with this and it makes it hard to invest or care about any of them, especially if you already aren't inclined to ship within the series as is.

Shock me. Thrill me. Intrigue me. Bloody hell.

#chicago pd #anti upstead #I'll tag it that just to be nice #ship culture #updated with pics to break up the blocks for the visual learners

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thornfield13713 · 3 years

Note

So, you've brought up the Torchwick-Lampwick connection. How does that play into a lot of how you write him?

Well...

I always did have a bit of a soft spot for Lampwick. He's a troublemaking kid, sure, but...his worst offences are minor bullying of one conscience-cricket, which mostly took the form of him just carrying on with his game of pool while said cricket was on the table, and smashing up a model house which was explicitly just there to be smashed. And the underage smoking and drinking, but those are just things which might be bad for him personally, not actual moral evils.

And the other thing is...Lampwick might be a bad influence on Pinocchio, but he does seem to sincerely care about the kid. There's even a deleted scene in the Disney version. where Lampwick accompanies Pinocchio and Jiminy in attempting to escape Pleasure Island after he's been turned into a donkey (in this version he is one of the rare donkeys who can still speak). In it, he is recaptured by the Coachman's goons, but urges Pinocchio to go on without him, since he's already a goner, but Pinocchio might have a chance.

All told, his final fate of being transformed into a voiceless animal and (in the original novel) worked to death seems a bit disproportionate.

Roman is a much worse person than his rough inspiration. He is a thief, a gangster, shows clear bigotry towards the Faunus, and is absolutely comfortable with having people, including teenagers, killed. But, as with Lampwick, the biggest hint we have that he's not all bad comes in his relationship with a younger protégé - Neo, who actually appears to be the more dangerous and the more actively sadistic of the pair, and the one person Roman shows any real concern or affection for. I tend to prefer to interpret this relationship as platonic, because...honestly, I just like platonic and familial relationships. Nothing against shipping, it's a lot of fun, but friendship and found family are classics for a reason. And enemies-to-found-family is my personal catnip - I really don't know why more people don't write it.

All of which is a big part of why the amnesia AU took shape the way it did. I sort of liked the idea of Roman being...still not a great person, but capable of attachment, even against his better judgement, and of putting the people he cares about before his own interests. There's a hint of this on the show - the moment Neo goes down, Roman flips a switch from 'funny, charming, will banter while fighting' to 'I am going to kill you in the most painful way possible while unleashing all my pent-up rage, even though that makes me a magnet for Grimm'. True, Neo survived, and Roman might well have known she had a chance of it...but it wasn't a certainty, and it's hard to be rational when watching the one person in the world you care about apparently falling to her death. If Neo's grip on her parasol had slipped at all, that might've been the end for her. It's a villainous manifestation of it, but I think it does make it clear that Neo and Roman are the most important people in each other's lives, and that both of them will respond to the other getting hurt by destroying the person they hold responsible.

The other thing we've had hinted at in the show is that Roman has a record of taking in strays. Namely, these lines from 'One Thing'.

I was nowhere, I had no one I felt nothing Lost without a voice And on my own Then a candle's flame brought a brand new name But now you've stolen everything And I'm all alone

Much as I love the theory that Roman and Neo were the two kids from the photo of Brunswick Farms, even if I’m not quite sure the age difference checks out, and the eye colours involved certainly don’t...that’s not what this song is suggesting happened. Neo was, for whatever reason, alone, isolated either by her disability or by some other circumstance - I lean towards ‘street urchin’ as a possible backstory for her, but we’ll have to see what Roman Holiday gives us - and then Roman came into her life, named her, and took her under his wing. If he did it once, it’s entirely plausible that he might do it again, especially if a potential protégé had some impressive skills that would make them worth keeping around. The really sticky part is that the protégé in this case is Ruby, his canonical arch-enemy, and...honestly, this is where I’m claiming authorial fiat and love of the enemies-to-found-family trope, with a healthy dose of ‘honestly, I think he would just find it funny’.

#rwby #roman torchwick #lampwick

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lily-janus · 1 year

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