#I do think she would kinda try and get Gideon to do some dumb shit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cat-in-a-fedora · 4 years

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Reunion Falls

I think I found something for the reunion falls au of Gravity Falls on the original creator’s blog. The reblog and like functionalities weren’t working for some reason, and I couldn’t find it in the creator’s archive. I really like this, though, so I’m gonna put it here and give credit.

This was originally on @sailorleo, and I couldn’t reblog it for some reason.

`-i dunno, he’s like, really weirdly clingy, but when we’re together all he wants to do is talk about his band…

-dump him.

-dipper that’s the same advice you’ve given me for every boyfriend i’ve ever had

-then why don’t you ask mabel?

-fine, maybe i will. mabel, what do you-

-no actually i think dipper’s right you should dump him

-teen soos playing with baby dipper and getting all excited when he says his name

-it would work better if stan actually knew mabel was coming beforehand, but just couldn’t work up the nerve to tell dipper until the last minute. by some fluke, mabel arrives a day early, and makes contact with dipper while stan is out.

-stan tells dipper that at the time of his birth his parents weren’t expecting twins, and couldn’t afford to take care of two children at once. he only told the kid they were dead because he thought it might be easier to handle than the idea that his parents didn’t want him.

–

-what are you still doing up?

-’m makin’ a sweater for grenda. she’s bigger than me, so it’s taking longer. you had a nightmare?

-no big deal, it was just an anxiety dream.

-a what?

-it’s like a nightmare, but instead of being scary it just makes all your deepest insecurities a reality. grunkle stan says they’re the brain’s way of reminding you that life could always be worse.

-…that sounds dumb.

-yeah, well, life isn’t fair, mabel.

–

-that corduroy girl out sick today or somethin’?

-what? um, no! i was just, uh… i tripped. on a rock. a lot of rocks.

-oh c'mon, kid, you think i never got the snot kicked outta me in elementary school? i know a fist to the face when i see it. c'mere, let’s fix you up.

–

-what can i do, though? they’re all bigger than me, and if i tell the teacher i’ll just look like even more of a wimp.

-ha! if you don’t wanna look like a wimp, you should stop letting other people fight your battles for ya.

-but i can’t-

-now hold on. i know you can’t, you’ve got about as many muscles as a soggy piece of toast. but one thing i know about the world is that guys who were born bigger, stronger, and smarter are always gonna punch down. and guys like you an’ me are stuck right at the bottom like old gum. so if your wits can’t save ya, all there is to do is punch back up.

-….do you mean that metaphorically, or….

-i was wondering when i’d have to dig these old things up again! …see, kid, all I’m trying to say is, when the world fights, you gotta learn to fight back.

–

-oh, shit. we’re not getting anywhere like this.

-*gasp* dipper!!

-what??

-you just said the ’s’ word!

-so? we’re practically teenagers, mabel. we can swear.

-i have friends back home who won’t even say ‘crap’! you must be getting it from somewhere

-i don’t know what you-

-[wendy enters] AYYYYYY DICKWEEDS WHAT’S FUCKIN HAPPENING

–

-ugh, sorry about all that, man. i don’t know why robbie’s always such an asshole to you.

-you don’t think he’s like…..jealous of me, do you?

-HA! ohhhhh my god. oh my god you’re probably right.

-what, does he think I’m gonna like, steal you away? like he’s INTIMIDATED by me? …that feels kinda good, actually.

-oh man, can you imagine? dipper pines, casanova extraordinaire! refined older women such as myself just….COLLAPSING at your feet!

–

-grunkle stan, um…. where are my parents?

-uhh……….. they died.

-oh…. how did they die?

-they………………died.

–

-you know when you’re wearing just the vest without a sweater you kinda look like……. someone. it’ll come to me

–

-mabel, what did you do to the journal????

-what? you told me to pretend it was my diary!

-i said to PRETEND it was your diary, not actually use it as a diary!! you didn’t mess with the stuff inside, did you?

[cut to: a shot of the interior of the journal, filled with stickers and cute little drawings and tiny diary entries about boys and the like]

-…….nnnnnnnope.

–

-if you’re going to be a monster hunter, you’ve got to have a look.

-hey, i’ve already got THAT covered

-no, i mean a look that tells people you mean business. like what i’ve got!

-what’s more businesslike than a leopard wearing sunglasses?

-i can think of a few things. what about like, a jacket? or…. a jacket? something besides a big fluffy sweater.

-listen dip, we’ve only known each other for a few days so i’ll let you off the hook this time. but first rule of mabel? the sweater STAYS.

-ugh, fine, but you’re gonna overheat. hey, what about this? it’s big enough to wear over a sweater. and it’s got pockets!

-but does it have PERSONALITY?

-you can decorate it or whatever i don’t care.

–

-mabel, have you seen my gel?

-nope. why do you gel your hair, anyway?

-i don’t want my bangs to cover my birthmark.

-can’t you just cut them off?

-it’s part of the look.

-ohhh, the 'look’.

–

-soooooo dipper had a crush on you, huh?

-haha, yuuuuuup. he thought he was being super smooth about it too. 100% convinced i had no idea. oh shit, dude, you wanna see this valentines card he made me when he was like, seven?

-you KNOW i do!

-boom! check it. all the blackmail you’ll ever need on one piece of construction paper.

-oh my gosshhhhhhhhh…..wait, "love, ty"?

-oh yeah, ol’ dipstick used to go by 'tyrone’ before he was dipper. just between you and me, dipper suits him better. tyrone is too cool for him.

-why’d he switch?

-dunno, really. he used to hate his birthmark, people would make fun of him for it, yknow? and then one day he just started being super cool with it. he like, reinvented his entire image around the thing. you should’ve seen him before that though, always brushing his bangs down over his forehead… well, at least he puts some effort into his appearance now.

–

-FUCK!

-KID!

-oh no.

-where’d you learn language like that?

-i… uh….

–…..wasn’t from me, was it?

-n-no! it was from…. nobody! i mean, you hear stuff around, and-

-WAHAHA! this is great! now i don’t have to keep my mouth shut around ya! and it isn’t even my fault!

–

-mabel, take out the trash

-booooooo!

-…aren’t you going to do what he said?

-sure, just as soon as i finish kicking dipper’s butt!

-i will dance on your grave, mabel.

-but…he’s your uncle. you should listen to him before he gets mad, right?

-pff, what’s ol’ stan gonna do, throw his dentures at me? (don’t tempt me, kid) half the fun of being a kid is not doing what adults tell you to do! consequences be darned.

-…paz, really, stan loves us. he’s not gonna like, hit me or anything. yikes.

–

-dipper, seriously, what the heck happened between you and gideon!

-i told you, nothing! he’s just a creep.

-oh, is THAT why he won’t stop talking about you? even on our dates! it’s WEIRD. ….you two aren’t like, exes or-

-ew, no!

-haHA! you dated gideon! gideon and dip-per sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-

-we were FRIENDS, okay?? …sort of. i dunno. it was a long time ago.

-heyoooo my drama senses are tingling! now you HAVE to tell me! deets deets deets!

-uuugggghhhhhh fine

-dipper and gideon have been rivals since childhood, but back then it was on somewhat friendlier terms. they would get each other in trouble, start fights over nothing, ruin each other’s stuff, but they would always walk away with smiles on their faces, like an unspoken pact to annoy the shit out of each other forever. but things started to change after gideon found journal 2. dipper didn’t see him around with the other kids as often. his tactics got nastier. he started “winning” more often. things came to a head after stan started teaching dipper to box. one day when dipper and wendy were hanging out together, they ran into gideon, who took the opportunity to tease them mercilessly. when he started going after wendy, dipper socked him, hard, in the nose. “i dunno. i was really mad, but i think i also just wanted to prove i was strong. wendy was always protecting me, so i wanted to protect her back.” after that point, gideon declared them mortal enemies.

-stan and wendy were definitely elated at the fact that dipper punched gideon. stan probably tried to bake him a cake.

–

DOUBLE DIPPER

“BAM! look out party, this girl’s on a mission! and that mission is to find a summer getaway friend group. woah, huddling crowd of teenagers! that’s perfect!”

-paz is talking with everyone listening when mabel interrupts her. “heyo! guess who’s here, it’s mabel, and that’s me.” “…..that’s great, sweetheart.”

-mabel is really excited to make new friends at the party, but most everyone starts hanging around pacifica. mabel tries to make friends with pacifica but paz rejects her, saying “listen, youre new so i’ll fill you in. it might seem like people like you and are interested in you because youre 'quirky’ or whatever, but you’re just a cheap novelty. around here? i’m the one who matters. nobody ignores pacifica northwest. adoring fans?” paz snaps her fingers and the crowd begins to shove mabel out of the circle until she finally falls on the empty dance floor. defeated, mabel shuffles off to the only people not part of the crowd (candy and grenda) “you too, huh?” “don’t worry. when we burn, we burn together.” paz then steps up to the mic and points at them, shouting “hey everyone, check out this adorable new attraction! it’s the reject corner!”

“aww, we don’t need this. the true merit of a partymaster is knowing how to take the party with you. this calls for an impromptu sleepover!”

-mabel offers to cheer up her new friends by ditching the party and having a sleepover instead, candy remarks that they were planning a post-party sleepover together anyway, grenda says how she stole a raunchy romance novel from her mom- wolfman bare-chest. grenda shows off that the book has a full-color illustration of gerard, candy remarks how she wants one of her own, mabel remembers that they have an old copy machine downstairs.

-“i don’t understand. i’m having fun, but i still feel this burning desire to go back downstairs and make her suffer for her crimes. crimes against friendship and partying.” “hey, i know what’ll curb that thirst for vengeance! theft! look what i stole from my mom’s bedside table!” “grenda, you wild girl! this is perfect!” “and it comes with a full-color illustration! his pecs are holographic!” *all three girls scream* “aah!! he is so rugged and brooding, i want to take him home with me and make him my trophy husband!” “ooh, i think we have an old copy machine downstairs! that way we can all keep the poster! come on girls, let’s go make our dreams a reality!”

-the girls end up bringing gerard to life because fuck the laws of reality, he emerges and says “which of you fair maidens brought me into this realm?” candy points to mabel. “girls, i think the party is back on!”

-“hey, fursuit, i don’t know if anyone told you, but this isn’t a costume party. although that would explain YOUR outfit, mabel”, gerard gets angry and tries to defend her by attacking pacifica. pacifica gets a small scratch on her arm and shrieks “are those REAL claws?!” mabel and candy struggle with gerard and finally subdue him (after he loses an arm to the punch bowl) by stuffing him into a closet. “you can come out after you learn to stop being such a butt!!” candy makes some remark about “at least we didn’t make any more!” cut to grenda either using the copy machine or already surrounded by wolf men.

-after the gerard squad starts running wild at the party, mabel gets an idea. “grenda, they’ve already like, werewolf-bonded to you, right? so if you’re in danger, they’ll come and save you!” “..i know what i have to do. hey northwest, be mean to me!” “ok, ok, just… give me a minute. ….hey circus freak, you’ve got arms like a gorilla and a voice like a wrestler, so it’s no wonder that the only boys interested in you are a bunch of wolves!” “…..pacifica, that was really mean.” “YOU TOLD ME TO!!!”

-maybe have pacifica get on the mic again so all the wolves hear her insult

-“grenda I’m sorry you have the body of an amazonian goddess and a voice like ten angels singing one direction!!” “yeah, maybe if one direction were all chain smokers.”

-the girls use this plan to lure the wolfpack into the kitchen, where there’s a sprinkler system connected to the fire alarm. the plan is that once all of the wolves are present, mabel will signal for candy to pull the alarm. however, once mabel gives the signal, it’s revealed that candy has been captured. “i’m sorry, mabel…. their pecs were just so shiny!” “i’m sorry i dragged you into this, pacifica.” “yeah, i’m sorry you dragged me into this, too.” maybe have them cowering on top of the fridge. but just when it looks like all hope is lost, the sprinklers come on anyway. it’s revealed that the first gerard was the one who pulled it, sacrificing himself to save mabel’s life.

-“you will always be in my heart, mabel pines. and i hope…..that i will be in yours…..”

-“well, pacifica, maybe now that we’ve worked together as a team, we can come away from this knowing that our fighting was petty and pointless, having gained a mutual respect.” “are you SERIOUS? all this proves is that you’re a freak, and your friends are freaks, and even though I’m gonna make sure to stay as far away from your little circle of lost causes as possible, the next time we meet? you’re going DOWN, and I’m gonna make sure EVERYONE is watching.” “……welp! i didn’t gain anything from that! maybe next time.”

-“i’m sorry that all this happened, girls. if you don’t wanna hang out with me after this, i get it.” “are you kidding? that was incredible!” “i feel like my heart is on fire! but in a good way!”

-in the aftermath, the girls (sans pacifica) burn the book. as they watch the illustration of gerard smolder, mabel solemnly says “this ends once and for all.” “….my mom’s gonna want that book back.” “once. and. for all.”

IRRATIONAL TREASURE

-pacifica overhears what the twins are trying to do and tails them, then ends up getting captured along with them

-LET ME OUT OF HERE! I AM A NORTHWEST!

-i thought we just established that doesn’t count for anything anymore.

-pacifica yells at mabel for doing something as stupid as leaving a trail of candy wrappers, dipper interrupts to ask her why she always feels the need to shut people down like that. pacifica tells him that its her duty as a woman of status to let everyone know what their place is. “orrrrrr you just feel so threatened by the idea that you’re not as well-liked as you think you are that you need to make everyone else feel bad about themselves.” “WHAT was that?” “threatened?”

-mabel gets her nerve back and yells at pacifica that why would she ever want to be liked by a stuck-up shallow primadonna like her, and throws a hunk of peanut brittle at her, freeing trembly.

-after returning to town, the twins see pacifica being berated by her parents for disappearing and getting her clothes dirty. mabel feels sorry for her and goes over to explain that oh, it was actually my fault, i was trying to uncover dirt on the northwest family and pacifica stepped up to intervene, and we got into a fight. also we totally didnt find anything to shame the northwests so you can thank pacifica for that too. the northwests then threaten to sue the pines family for hurting their daughter, but paz holds them back, saying something about how it isnt worth it to waste time on poor people like mabel.

-this is the start of mabel and pacifica’s budding friendship, and pacifica’s redemption arc

SUMMERWEEN

-hey, little man!

-oh, hey wendy! ….and robbie.

-so….. chilling in the bushes without a costume on? what’s that about?

-nah, i’d say he’s got a pretty solid 'loser’ costume lined up already.

-i’m just hanging out with mabel and her friends, i guess. this big legendary monster thing says its gonna eat us unless we collect 500 pieces of candy but y'know. no worries.

-sick, dude. and you didn’t even have to go out and find this thing yourself? your sis must be like, a monster magnet.

-yeah, she…really is.

-well, i’d help you with the mission if i could, but i’ve got this whole 'aloof teenager’ thing to keep up, yknow? no trick-or-treating for these old bones. but I’ve got a few extra sweets in my purse if you need some more handouts! we can go find mabel, and-

-NO! i-i mean… no, don’t find her, its ok, i got it, give it to me.

-woah, chill out, you little freak! you’re not HIDING from her, are you? …is everything ok? and don’t say it is, because nobody sweats that much when everything’s ok. not even you.

-……i dunno, it’s like, i don’t mind having her around, but we’re always together and she wants us to do all these “twin” things now and I’m just not sure I’m ready for it yet.

-yeah, i getcha. its gotta be a lot to take in. hey, if you need somewhere to decompress after this whole candy deathmatch thing is over, tambry’s throwing a party at her house in a few. text me when you’re free?

-just try not to dork up the place if you show.

-robbie, if you don’t lay off I’m gonna punch you in the dick.

-i just….. twins are supposed to have this special bond, y'know? like a mind meld or something. and i just feel like i’ve missed so much. things could've….should’ve been different. and i came here because i wanted to make things the way they were supposed to be. i thought like, maybe if we were together we could pretend that its the way things always were and everything was ok. but i cant. its not.

-yeah, i… i’m sorry, mabel. everything just happened so fast, and i couldn’t handle it, and i avoided thinking about it, and….i ended up avoiding you, too. i’ve been kind of a crummy brother so far, huh?

-no, no, i get it…. i’m weird, and this is weird, and you’re one of those weird people who likes to be by yourself. and i understand if you don’t want to be siblings. but… can we at least be friends?

-i don’t see why we can’t be both.

TOURIST TRAPPED

-hey, mabel, i was wondering, uh…… how did our parents die?

-woah, what? they’re not dead! are they?? you’re freaking me out, dipper!

-'sup, hambone?

-oh, hey….. soos, right?

-you got it, lil’ dude! so, what’s eating you? besides the mosquitos anyway. nice, good one soos.

-soos, have you ever tried to do something that you thought would make everyone really happy, but instead it just blows up in your face and everything is awful and it’s all your fault?

-story of my life, dude. probably not on this scale though. just a minor everyday occurrence.

-they probably hate me, don’t they?

-what? no way! i just met you a few hours ago and i can already tell you’re like the least hateable dude I’ve ever met. you’re like if they found a way to combine a smiling puppy with an anime fairy princess.

-but i ruined everything!! that’s what they’ll call me in the history books. mabel, queen of ruining everything. everyone was fine until i got here.

-it’s not your fault, dude. mr. pines had to tell dipper at some point. and dude, if it makes you feel any better, i am PSYCHED to have you here. i was telling customers about it all day!

-thanks, soos, but…. i should probably just go home. maybe if I’m gone dipper and stan can just forget this ever happened and go back to normal.

-you kidding, dog? nothing’s ever normal around here. i know this is like, a huge bombshell, but dipper and stan love each other. they’ll work it out. …hey, my brain just came up with a totally neato idea! why don’t we pitch a tent and have a sleepover out here under the stars? we could swap stories, eat raw marshmallows, and if you still want to go home tomorrow morning you can.

-….only if you’ll try to throw the marshmallows into my mouth with your eyes closed.

-deal.

-hey, mom. yeah i got here ok! it’s great, the woods around here are so cool and mysterious! oh, and i met this really cute guy but he turned out to be a bunch of gnomes under a hoodie. i know!! wild, right!

-h-hey mabel….can i….talk to them?

-…oh, mom, dipper wants to talk to you. is that ok?

-….hi, mo- ..mrs pines. it’s dipper.

-“oh, you must be the friend mabel was talking about! she was so excited to meet you! i hope you two are having fun!”

-yeah, it's…. it’s good to have her here.

-“are you all right, dear? you’re sniffling.”

-yeah, i’ve just got a cold. it’s ok.

THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE MABEL

-mabel sees a commercial for the tent of telepathy on tv and gets excited, pulling dipper over to see the famous “psychic”. dipper is annoyed at best and just groans, expositing that he and gideon have been rivals since they were little. he says he’s been trying to catch gideon in the act of something, ANYTHING, for as long as he can remember, and now with the help of mabel’s journal he’s devised a new theory: that gideon might actually be a vampire! he’s always coated in lotion, has stark white hair, speaks like an old southern man, and it might also explain his psychic powers. but dipper isn’t allowed in the tent of telepathy anymore, and he hasn’t been able to get close to gideon in his personal life. mabel offers to go investigate in dipper’s place, but he warns her that it’s not worth it and gideon is a “creep”, offhandedly mentioning that mabel probably doesn’t have the investigative skills necessary to crack the case on her own. determined to prove herself, mabel goes anyway, in “disguise” as a journalist so she can ask gideon questions when the show is over. during the questioning gideon becomes enamored with her, and when mabel asks if he’s a vampire he flirts around the issue, suggesting that he is simply to win mabel over. it works, and she agrees to go on a date with him.

-mabel takes notes on gideon’s mannerisms in the journal while on dates

-over time, gideon begins to reveal his true colors, and mabel realizes that dating a supposed vampire doesn’t really make up for gideon’s behavior.

-actually i changed my mind about the vampire plot, probably dipper just tries to keep mabel away from gideon because of their checkered past together

BOYZ CRAZY

“….can i confess something?”

“yeah, of course.”

“I’ve never like….. LIKED anyone. I’ve dated plenty of guys, and even a couple girls, but i don’t think i felt what i was supposed to be feeling for any of them. i thought that eventually if i went out with enough people, i would start to like at least one of them, but…. i dunno. I’m starting to think that i’ll never fall in love. maybe i CANT fall in love.”

“well… that’s not the end of the world! love kinda. sucks. especially when someone doesn’t like you back.”

“ugh, that’s what I’ve been doing to all these people! for years! i suck. i keep trying to be like everyone else, but i just end up pushing people away. I’ve lost so many friends…”

“hey, it’s not your fault. robbie’s a turd, you know that.”

“yeah, i guess you’re right… i dunno, you ever feel like there’s something, like, fundamentally wrong with you? like something fucked up in the womb and now you can’t ever be a normal person?”

[dipper pulls up his shirt slightly, looking at his binder]

“yeah. i do”

DREAMSCAPERERS

bill: I WAS WONDERING WHEN I’D RUN INTO YOU! QUESTION MARK, SHOOTING STAR…. AND DIPPER OF COURSE!

mabel: whoa, hey, how come soos and i get special names, but not dipper? that’s not fair!

dipper: uh, mabel, that’s not really-

bill: THAT IS HIS SPECIAL NAME, KID! ALWAYS HAS BEEN. HE JUST ADOPTED IT A LITTLE EARLY IS ALL.

dipper: wait, what?. you…you were the one in my dreams? all this time, it was YOU?

-new scene-

dipper: it’s just… the name was a big part of my like, identity, yknow? i thought it was so cool and special and for the first time in my life i was starting to feel NOT like a freak. i thought i was being cool but i was just doing exactly what bill wanted! [pulls his jacket over his head] aaaargh, what have i been doing all this time?!

mabel: di- …..bro, listen to me. your whole like, supreme tough guy monster hunter thing? it’s PRETTY silly. but that’s what i like about it! it’s all you, and you own it! and nobody chose to make you like that but you! and you didnt choose the name dipper because bill told you to, right? that was still all you. so, i don’t know. even if the guy who made it up turned out to be kiiiiiiind of a major jerk i dont think that means all of that is ruined forever. and if you stop going by dipper i’m going to have to start going by shooting star as revenge. star for short!

dipper: ….i think i like you as mabel better.

mabel: aww no, i was already getting used to it! star sounds like the name of a princess, doesnt it? or a galactic warrior!

-BUT DON’T YOU WORRY YOUR GEL-COVERED LITTLE HEAD, KID! I WON’T BE BOTHERING YOU LIKE THAT AGAIN. YOU’VE PROVEN YOURSELF TO BE EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTING AND USELESS. CONGRATS.

SCARY-OKE

-in this case obviously dipper wouldn’t want the agents around, since stan has taught him better than that.

-dipper decides that he’s finally ready to talk to his birth parents over the phone, but when he does they insist that they never had twins and mabel has always been an only child, and he realizes they don’t know who he is. everything he knows is once again called into question.

-mabel tries to get the agents’ help in figuring out the mystery behind dipper’s birth and proving that the two of them are siblings

-maybe dipper raises the dead as a way to threaten stan? like, oh you’re so afraid of the supernatural, what if i do this

-or mabel tries to lure the agents back to the shack by creating a supernatural disaster, like oh, say, zombies

-stan finally admits, with zombies breaking down the door, that he got mixed up with the supernatural and made some very bad decisions, although he isn’t specific about what happened. he relinquishes that he kept the truth from dipper all these years not for his sake, but because he couldn’t bear to admit that he was responsible for separating dipper from the family he should’ve grown up with.

THE GOLF WAR

-mabel and pacifica run into each other at the mini golf course, and after watching mabel sink the winning shot pacifica realizes she has feelings for her. furious with herself for developing a crush on somebody like mabel, pacifica challenges her to a rematch and vows to destroy her.

-dipper and stan are worried about pacifica’s behavior, but mabel assures them that she probably just wants a little one-on-one game and had to disguise it as a fight to the death since her parents were with her.

-pacifica gets to the golf course early to get some extra practice in, discovers the lilliputtians, and decides to use them to win against mabel, convinced that if she proves to herself that she’s better then her crush will go away.

-mabel becomes concerned with pacifica’s attitude and worried that she’s gone back to her old ways, bribing somebody to help her cheat. eventually she’s captured and tied up, and pacifica has to save her.

-in the aftermath, pacifica can’t stomach apologizing, so mabel does it for her. “hold on, dip. i think i know what’s going on here.” “what? no. you definitely don’t. whatever you’re about to say about me is completely and totally wrong.” “so i just want to let you know, pacifica…. it’s ok. i understand.” “understand what there’s nothing to understand” “yes there is! and i’ve felt that way before, too. even about you sometimes.” “wh…..huh? you have?” “yeah! all that pressure to compete really gets to you sometimes. but just because i beat you at something it doesn’t mean that you’re any less cool than you were before., ok? so i don’t want you to feel like you have to prove that!” “oh. yeah. yeah, that. yeah.” [awkward pause] “soooo…. you don’t hate me?” “of course not!” “ok good. that’s like, good to know. i don’t hate you either.”

-theyre playing truth or dare and mabel dares dipper to hold candy’s hand for the rest of the night

-mabifica bullshit: 'let me see those beautiful eyes’, holding hands post-confession in nmm, arguing about whether or not to run off into the woods together at night

THE LOVE GOD

-during a conversation with wendy, dipper casually mentions that he’d like a girlfriend. mabel overhears and decides to try and pair him up with someone. she enlists the help of candy and grenda for this secret mission, but notices that candy seems uncomfortable with it. eventually she admits that she’s had a crush on dipper for a while, and mabel is ecstatic. she conspires to set them up on a date at the woodstick festival. candy makes mabel promise not to tell dipper, but of course she can’t keep her mouth shut and blurts it out while the two are having breakfast at the diner. mabel expects dipper to leap at the chance, but instead he just feels awkward. he tells mabel that although he likes candy and thinks she’s great, he’s never thought of her like that. mabel urges him to give her a chance, but dipper argues that it will end badly. he spots candy nearby, freaks out, and runs for cover. it’s at this point that mabel meets the love god.

NORTHWEST MANSION MYSTERY

-“….and grenda can take a hit pretty well so she’d be the best choice for a distraction while i spray 'em with the anointed water from behind, but we might need pacifica to-”

“actually, dip, i was gonna ask if i could handle this one on my own.”

“what? why? we don’t know how powerful this ghost is!”

“because i, the wonderful mabel pines, am going to confess my love for pacifica tonight!”

“you only realized you liked her two days ago!”

“exactly! no time to waste when romance is afoot!”

“you don’t even know if pacifica LIKES girls!”

“well i don’t know if she likes BOYS either. she always seemed kinda indifferent to-

"even if she does, what if she doesn’t like you back? and you know what her parents are like, they probably wouldn’t want her dating another girl anyway…”

“why do you always have to shoot me down like this”

“…..i’m sorry, mabel… i just don’t want you to get hurt again.”

-“we did it!” “haha, yes!!”

-(internally) “this is the perfect moment, mabel, just go for it!”

-“umm, pacifica? now that we just beat this big scary ghostman together, there’s something i wanted to-”

-“YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS, FOOLISH CHILD”

-“….on second thought, I’m gonna go exorcise screamsville here first.”

-“that’s probably a good idea”

-{“WITCH! SERVANT OF EVIL!”}

-“i’m sorry. i didn’t want you to know this about me.”

-“ok, so, your family’s gotten mixed up in some bad stuff, that doesn’t mean-”

-“no, it does. you’ve always been so nice to me, and i never did anything to deserve it… hanging out with you, and dipper, and everyone, hanging around the shack….i started to realize that this isn’t normal. my parents aren't……normal. and now I’m just so scared that no matter what i do, i’ll end up just like them.”

-“….pacifica. i know you. your outsides may be crusted over with gold coins and expensive body lotion and hairspray, but your insides are made of bubbles and kitten kisses and rainbow dolphins high-fiving each other. your parents are a couple of stinky poo-heads inside and out and you’re not anything like them.”

[pacifica, crying, kisses her]

-“oh no. this was a mistake. I’m leaving.”

-“pacifICA WAIT”

-“what would you say if i said i was in love with you?”

-“i’d say you only wanted me for my money”

-“oh pacifica, your heart is gold enough to last me a lifetime!”

-“shhhhhpsshh stop!!”

-[mabel kisses her on the cheek]

-“no but really stop i don’t want my parents to see”

-“ohhh yeah sorry”

THE LAST MABELCORN

-things start out much like they do in canon, but when mabel meets the unicorn and it tells her that she’s not pure of heart she jumps to the conclusion that bill has “tainted” her in some way by taking over her body. the abuse metaphors here are obvious. she sadly returns home and begs ford to help her in some way, and he takes her down to his study. meanwhile, dipper sets back out with the girls in mabel’s place.

-“…..but it wasn’t me….” “what?” “i…..i have to go.” “mabel, wait!”

have it so like, she’s not necessarily visibly distraught when she talks to ford, or even to her friends, but more determined to “fix” herself, hiding the worry that she’s a bad person beneath her insistence that it must be bill’s fault.

“GRUNKLE FORD! bill gunked up my soul and i need you to fix it so i can be pure of heart again!” “…mabel…” “please please please PLEEEAASE!”

-“no offense, but you break the law daily, you two have kind of a…. mutual violent streak, and you……” “don’t say anything.” “and if being involved with bill really did disqualify mabel, then I’ve been doomed for years.” “you’re also not a 'maiden.’” “good point.”

-“man, this is bullshit.” “i know. how are we gonna find someone more pure than mabel?” “no, i mean. the game’s rigged. nobody’s completely 'pure of heart’ or whatever, and how do you even measure that? that glitter-snorting poser doesn’t ever have to give up the goods because she’s asking for something that doesn’t exist.” “…so how do we get the hair?” “well, i say if princess unattainabelle back there doesn’t wanna play fair, we shouldn’t have to either. alright, kids, who’s ready to add a few more bad deeds to the naughty list?” “YEAH!”

-meanwhile, mabel’s mind begins to be encoded. “i can’t undo what’s already been done, mabel. but i can make it a lot harder for bill to hurt you again.”

-mabel’s thoughts: “do you a favor” “have craz and xyler ever kissed?” “adopt every kitten in the world” “PACIFICA PACIFICA PACIFICA”

-mabel ends up putting the helmet on ford because she starts to have intrusive thoughts worrying that he could be possessed by bill, and she decides that proving herself wrong would put them to rest. “ugh, shut UP, brain! this is why we don’t talk anymore.”

-when mabel reads his thoughts, she freaks out and, unlike dipper, actually succeeds in hitting ford with the memory gun. he’s knocked to the ground and she approaches him cautiously as he rises back to his feet. when he explains that he’s not bill and the gun didn’t work anyway, mabel starts crying and hugs him. “its ok, mabel. you did the right thing. when dealing with an enemy like bill, you can’t fully trust anyone, not even the people closest to you. …maybe if i’d known that when i was younger, we wouldn’t be in this mess now.”

-“….i’m a bad person.” “oh come on, you don’t still believe that unicorn, do you? i thought dipper told you she was full of it.” “no, i… did something really bad today. i thought bill did something to gunk up my heart but it was really just me all along.” “wow, what did you do?” “nn. you’d hate me if i told you.” “mabel, you could kill a dog in front of me and i wouldn’t hate you. and if you don’t tell me i’ll just assume the worst.” “i AM the worst.” “ohhhh my god. …..ok, let’s say that bill did break your soul for all eternity or whatever. so what? you’re still my girlfriend. and in case you haven’t noticed, i’m pretty messed up too.”

ROADSIDE ATTRACTION

-“aww, come on! think about it…. just us girls, alone under the stars…” “eww, fine! i’ll come if you stop being gross”

-“i can’t believe my own sister got a girlfriend before me!”

-“romance ain’t a contest, kid.”

-“…yeah, you’re probably r-”

-“just kidding its definitely a contest. one you’re losing.”

-“he was… flirting with me! i think he actually likes me back!”

-“AAAAAAAAA!!” “get it, girl!” “candy wins!” “i wouldn’t get your hopes up, chiu. he’s probably just being a tool.”

-“pacifica, how could you?” “why must you deny true love?” “hey, dipper’s my friend and i think he’s great, but he sucks. I’m just being realistic.”

-“oh, no. i think i just agreed to take candy out on a date.”

-“….aaaaand do you LIKE her?”

-“well, yeah…………….as a fr-”

-“UGGGGGHHHHHH I KNEW IT. listen, 'dopper’, you got yourself into this mess, and its not up to me to help get you out. you deserve it for toying with a woman’s feelings, anyway.”

“candy…. saved my life. even after i broke her heart. she’s so cool…………………………………oh, SHIT.”

-“it’s ok, dipper. if dating pacifica has taught me anything, its that the way to a woman’s heart is through emotional angst and near-death experiences. and we get those every day!”

-“you deserve this and i have no sympathy for you.”

–

DIPPER AND MABEL VS THE FUTURE

same basic setup, with mabel hitting up all her friends for party plans, but the focus is on having to return home without all the friends she’s made rather than anxiety about growing up (although that’s still a factor). in addition to discovering candy and grenda won’t be around, she also finds that pacifica’s parents are becoming suspicious of her frequent outings so she’s trying to lay low for a little while, so she won’t be able to hang out for the last week of summer.

ford invites dip along for the alien hunt, and doesn’t exactly offer dipper the chance to be his apprentice, but is impressed with his adventuring skills and the fact that dipper has been training in the art of mystery solving for years. au dipper is quite a bit braver than canon dipper after all, and quicker to spring into action right after ford. theres still a bit of hesitation involved, and when ford praises him for his courage, he laughs and remarks that mabel would’ve jumped right away without any thought. ford then confides in dipper that although mabel uses her heart before her head, he can still see how scared she is inside and thinks it would be best for mabel to return home and cease connection with gravity falls, because he’s seen first-hand how much bill has hurt her already and he doesn’t want it to get any worse. he also tells dipper that he can tell mabel’s heart isn’t in any kind of study or quest for knowledge like he is, she’s just a kid having fun, and he can tell that its mostly because she wants to impress dipper and it might be better for her to focus her energy on her own interests, which can’t happen if she stays in gravity falls. dipper reluctantly agrees, saying that he’s always sort of worried about the same thing. of course, this is the part that mabel hears over the walkie-talkie.

for all that mabel and ford’s relationship is better, he still sees her as a child while he sees dipper as more of an equal. he warns dipper that letting mabel become dependent on him, or he on her, is a bad idea, because one day they’re going to have to go their separate ways, and mabel might not be able to handle it (implying that she’ll do something drastic to keep him around, like stan did to him).

theres a scene midway through the episode of pacifica sulking on her bed, hugging a pillow to her face. her mother’s voice calls her for dinner from downstairs, and she groans and gets up. looking in the mirror, she realizes her mascara has run and she scoffs and rubs at her eyes. when she opens them up again, the mirror is full of eyes. “something wrong, blondie?” it cuts off there

after mabel runs away into the woods at the end of the episode, pacifica emerges from the bushes in her full incognito gear, saying she came to warn her about bill. that bill tried to make a deal with her but she refused everything he offered, and that he’s getting desperate and is going to try again with someone else, probably before the summer ends. she tells mabel that if neither of their families want them, they’ll run away, out of gravity falls, together. when mabel realizes she has the rift, she groans, annoyed that she has to go back home and return it. but pacifica insists that this actually makes the plan better, that if they leave gravity falls with the rift it can be kept safer… and that, maybe it would be better if pacifica held onto it, since bill is targeting mabel. mabel agrees and hands it over…. at which point pacifica takes a moment to admire it, and then smashes it to the ground. she laughs, takes off her sunglasses, and is revealed to have been possessed by bill. then the world ends.

WEIRDMAGEDDON 1

-after ford is captured, dipper runs into grenda, as in literally runs into her, while she’s attempting to chase a monster in process of carrying off candy. the two travel together for the next three days, finally deciding to explore the mall in search of mabel and the others. on the way there, though, the two are ambushed by bill’s lackeys. before the fight can begin, grenda tosses dipper out of harm’s way and shouts for him to go on without her while she holds off the monsters. dipper reluctantly escapes, leaving grenda to an ambiguous fate.

-during that time, candy finds pacifica huddled in a pile of rubble, and urges her to come help find the others, but she’s reluctant. “look, mabel’s not here anymore, alright?! she’s gone. bill got her. so you can stop pretending to like me.” “candy does not pretend. not when it comes to friendship.” “….if you just left me here, nobody would have to know.” “on your feet, northwest.”

“augh, my poor hair… it’s got like, twigs and shit in it.” “do you want me to cut it off?” “what? no. why would i do that.” “it’s a symbol! in stories, girls cut off their long hair when they are going on journeys and breaking free, leaving the past behind… it is cool and majestic and– pacifica, YOU should cut off MY hair!” “wait, seriously? …ok, whatever, fine, do your weird impulsive nerd thing. you got any like, scissors?” “let me see….. six, seven, eight pairs! i also have a knife.” “candy, what the fuck.”

-dipper finds wendy, pacifica, and candy all hiding together in the mall. dipper is surprised and relieved to find that candy is safe and she talks about how she bit the monster’s hand to get it to free her, proudly revealing that one of her teeth has turned completely red as a result. dipper admits what happened to grenda, and while pacifica and wendy look worried, candy remains adamant that she’s strong and will be all right. hesitantly, dipper asks if any of them have seen mabel. the room goes quiet, and pacifica confesses what happened, that bill came to her and threatened to possess and torture mabel again if she didn’t let him use her body. she thought that if she agreed, she’d become a ghost like mabel did and be able to use a puppet as a vessel in time to warn somebody. instead she simply blacked out, and when she came to she was just in time to see mabel being sealed in a bubble and taken away.

-at some point pacifica confesses to dipper that bill never threatened to hurt mabel. she made the deal willingly because he promised her that mabel would be able to stay in gravity falls if she let him borrow her body, and she was just so scared of losing her, and everyone.

-candy’s arm is broken in the car chase and ensuing wreck against gideon’s crew. in the aftermath, pacifica uses the remains of her jacket to make a sling.

ESCAPE FROM REALITY

mabeland is nearly the same as in canon, though maybe with some minor alterations to reflect the events of the summer. dippy fresh is replaced by a series of “dream dippers”, versions of dipper that mabel had imagined he might be like before actually meeting him. most are unrealistically cool, but one in particular is just someone who would be the ideal brother, always looking out for her and wanting to be with her. in the end of course, mabel has to look at all of this and decide that real dipper is the one she wants. (theres also a fake pacifica who shares all of mabel’s interests and is hopelessly in love with her, always flirting and offering romantic gestures, but without any of the sass and personality that make her who she is. pacifica ends up snapping her neck.)

mabel introduces the dream dippers one by one like they’re contestants on a game show, but one spot is left empty. dipper asks who it’s for, to which mabel nervously replies that it’s more convenient to have something extra just in case. later on, in the wilderness of mabeland, dipper overhears mabel talking to someone. “i don’t understand. everyone can finally be happy here. wendy can break all the rules she wants and never get in trouble, candy can be herself without people making fun of her, pacifica can get away from her parents, and dipper…. well maybe i can understand why HE wants to leave, since he apparently doesn’t want to deal with me….” suddenly, dipper hears his own voice reassuring her that everything will be alright, and he’ll stay by her side forever, that the summer never has to end. she says “do you really mean that?” to which he replies “of course. you know i’m the best brother ever.” the voice is revealed to be perfect, ideal brother dipper.

crushed by this, dipper retreats to the pond, where instead of being approached by wendy he’s approached by candy. she sits down and asks him what’s wrong, and he tells her how awful he feels that he couldn’t have done better for mabel. she assures him that he’s a wonderful person, and mabel’s being silly for not wanting someone like him as a brother. she then tells him that she was being silly for being mad at him, too, that she’s realized he was right all along, and she should’ve forgiven him earlier. “really? …'cause i was totally with you on the whole 'i was a jerk’ thing.” then candy ups the ante, going on to talk about how oh, he’s so much smarter and braver than her, and she was just upset because she thought she stood a chance with him, but she’s such a loser, she could never- dipper stops her there, worried. he continues to insist that it was his fault, he WAS being an asshole, and he should’ve apologized to her a long time ago, but he was nervous “because…. i DO like you, candy. like, like-like you.” he tells her to stop berating herself, that he likes her because she doesn’t let anybody change how weird she is and that she’s not acting like…. herself. it’s at that moment that he realizes what’s going on. as “candy” begins dissolving into bugs, a fist collides with her head and she explodes. its revealed to be grenda, who managed to find her way in because “the door was unlocked.”

when it comes to the trial, mabel’s memories are similarly flipped through, but instead of having a twin to be there in her time of need, she had nobody. she’s never had anybody like that until she met dipper.

TAKE BACK THE FALLS

-candy and grenda’s symbol is a disco ball. “…and this one could mean a person who can see the fun in any situation! or just a party animal.” “hey, that’s me!” “that’s me too!” “it’s both of us!! SYMBOL SISTERS!!!” [grenda lifts candy up onto her shoulders and they each take a hand, candy on her right side since her left arm is broken and grenda on the left]

-“we’re proud of you, daughter. saving the world will be perfect for salvaging our reputation! i still think those pines kids are a bit of a bad influence on you, though.”

-“oh YEAH? how’s THIS for a bad influence?!” [she pulls mabel into a passionate kiss] “news flash, dad! your perfect daughter’s a big fat gross lesbian! and when i grow up I’m gonna marry this riffraff right here, and change my name to pines too!! so DEAL WITH IT!!!”

stan still loses his memory as he did in canon, but dipper is the most visibly distraught and won’t stop begging him to remember. he tells him how even though they fought a lot over that summer, he loves him so much and he’d never ask for a better grunkle. he desperately tries to jog his memory with baby pictures, but they need to trigger more immediate memories first.

the solution for mabel to stay in gravity falls would be to fabricate a lie that dipper is ford’s grandson, ford being the twin that faked his own death to escape a life on the run, but they’ve just come back to reconnect with the family (since dipper lost his parents apparently), and mabel didn’t want to tell her parents at first because she was afraid they wouldn’t want her staying with an estranged family member/ex-con. but she’s made so many great friends and she loves this town and wants to stay with her “cousin”.

while the northwests go house hunting, mabel invites pacifica to stay at the shack until they can find a new home.

rather than leaving for a new adventure, ford and stan decide to stay at the shack and rest for a while, just settle into their new family dynamic. soos, melody, and abuelita all still move in, and so the house is renovated to make room for the huge family.

with the journals destroyed, the mystery squad now has to start from square one…. but dipper tells mabel that she doesn’t have to do anything to impress him anymore. that he’s ready to try just being a kid again.

#gravity falls #reunion falls #gravity falls au #interesting #i think tumblr might have actually glitched on me

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notjanine · 3 years

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2020 in books!

the only kind of new year’s resolution i made as a naive baby last january was to try to read 40 books for the year. (i read 37 in 2019, for context.) well, with all of my commuting time eliminated and an increased need for immersive escapism, i ended up surpassing that goal three times over lmao (thanks library ebooks!)

idk how to summarize my year in books in a way that makes sense but

(f) = fiction, (nf) = nonfiction, (p) = poetry.

books that rewired my fucking brain:

braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer (nf)- GOD?!?!?! good. dr. k is right. ostensibly a book about plants, but actually a book about shut up and go outside. consumerism and capitalism are doing their damnedest to fuck you up, but you can just choose to value different things. take care of yourself by taking care of your environment. etc etc.

wasp by richard jones (nf)- lissen. when i got this book, my wasp-phobia was so severe that i had to put it away face down on a high shelf because there are wasps on the cover and i couldn’t bear to RISK even GLIMPSING them. now i am like... a wasp evangelist. (also due to the bugs 101 course on coursera it’s so good.)

wag by zazie todd (nf)- i have a dog, but i am NOT a Dog Person (i.e. i love my dog, but please keep yours away from me, thanks.) this book helped me understand my little guy better, plus it gives actionable tasks and activities to do with and for your pup! plus, y’know, learning about things you’re scared of helps to lessen that fear. i’d recommend this to anyone who has, wants, or regularly interacts with a dog.

a closed and common orbit by becky chambers (f)- is this series complete fluff? absolutely. am i fundamentally different after reading this one? maybe.

the best we could do by thi bui (nf)- this is so far outside of my personal experience but somehow still made me come to peace with my relationship with my mom?? and it’s barely even about that?? idk. this is probably objectively the best book i’ve read this year.

books that were just fun as hell:

mexican gothic by silvia moreno-garcia (f)- this book made me YELL out loud

death on the nile by agatha christie (f)- i grew up on agatha christie shows, but never actually read her before this year! she really was That Bitch. read this before the movie comes out

cosmoknights by hannah templer (f)- i read this in one sitting through the worst headache i’ve had in years. it is a goddamn DELIGHT. this book has everything: spaceships. mech suits. fighting the patriarchy. a perfect otp. fun art in bright colors with clean lines. onomatopoetic WAPs from before the song gave that hilarious context. 800 lesbians. this is an antidepressant in graphic novel form.

stiff by mary roach (nf)- ms. roach is like the 4th most represented author on my bookshelf because she 1. stays writing about shit i’m interested in and 2. manages to talk about gross and ridiculous things without resorting to sensationalism. it takes skill to write a hilarious book about corpses.

black sun by rebecca roanhorse (f)- excellent sexual tension between a horny siren pirate and a hot doomed... monk, kinda? set in the pre-columbian gulf of mexico with magic and shit.

cuisine chinoise by zao dao (? n/f)- this graphic novel about chinese food history/mythology is BEAUTIFUL.

the color of magic by terry pratchett (f)- you’d think a hardcore douglas adams stan would have gotten to this sooner, but no, i had to date a nerdy white boy to get here. it’s fun though! i’m not gonna read them all, but this one was good. bonus: contains one (1) great himbo.

gideon the ninth by tamsyn muir (f)- like 500 pages of action and mystery and jokes and space necromancy. harrow the ninth gets a special mention bc it has a meme reference that took me out so hard i had to close the book, lie down, and groan for an entire minute before continuing.

other minds by peter godfrey-smith (nf)- i love octopuses. on one tma bonus ep, jonny sims says that if a creature can choose to do evil, then it’s a Person. octopuses are People. but anyway frfr this has an explanation of the evolution of consciousness that is cool af. (this one is much better than the other recent popsci octo book which i will not name out of politeness.)

the perfect predator by steffanie strathdee and thomas patterson (nf)- i read this bc my microbiology prof recommended it and it’s cool as heck! it’s got adventure, drama, mystery, Science-with-a-capital-S. i’m biased bc i’m a bit of a microbes nerd, but i had a blast with this. (but only bc we know going in that everything works out okay; if i hadn’t known that, i would have been TOO stressed!)

books that were a little less fun but still very readable:

my sister, the serial killer by oyinkan braithwaite (f)- i couldn’t find this as funny as other people bc i, too, have a beautiful sister who’s an insufferable narcissist, so it hits a little too close to home, but. it is a wild ride.

piranesi by susanna clarke (f)- idek what to say! i went into this one blind just bc it had a cool cover and title, so i guess i’d recommend that for other people too.

the sixth world series by rebecca roanhorse (f)- monster hunting! a post-apocalyptic take that doesn’t feel tired.

the shades of magic trilogy by v.e. schwab (f)- easy escapism. some ideas feel a little first draft-y, but idk, it’s also a pretty simple premise (which isn’t a bad thing). it’s a decent urban fantasy set in ~georgian?-era london. very actiony. suffers from a bit of i’m-not-like-other-girls disease, but i didn’t even notice until book two or three, so.

the only good indians by stephen graham jones (f)- starts off a little ??? (and reeks of being Written By A Man) but picks up. the pacing’s great and there’s just a super fucking cool monster.

robopocalypse by daniel h. wilson (f)- this reads like a tv miniseries so much that i can’t believe it isn’t one yet.

confessions of the fox by jordy rosenberg (f)- not my usual cup of tea, fiction-wise, but still compelling. a fresh take on the white-male-english-professor-self-insert? but not insufferable. gets weird!

spinning silver by naomi novik (f)- rumplestilstkin, but make it interesting! a great, richly-told fairy tale, but like, large scale. good to read on a cold day while you’re wrapped up in a blanket with some hot tea.

interior chinatown by charles yu (f)- compulsively readable. a couple things bugged me, but not enough to make me dislike it. a fun companion piece to how to live safely in a science fictional universe. i like this guy’s style.

cannibalism by bill schutt (nf)- COOL. mostly covers the animal kingdom (fun), spends too much time on the donner party (less fun), ends with a SPICY take on prions that i cannot get out of my head!!!

buzz, sting, bite by anne sverdrup-thygeson (nf)- BUGS! broad but not overwhelming, neither dumbed down nor overly scientific, short enough to finish in a day or two. recommend this to literally everyone.

books that made me want to read everything else in the author’s ouevre:

the time invariance of snow by e. lily yu (f)- this FUCKS but it’s too short!!!

an unkindness of ghosts by rivers solomon (f)- okay this book is SO good and so well-written and interesting and blah blah blah all the good things, but... the whole time, i was just like?? why???? why is this what you’re choosing to write about??? (i did also read the deep and blood is another word for hunger after this one, and i did like them both, especially the latter, but i think they can do better! like i think they could write a perfect book and i am gonna be *eyes emoji* until then.)

the space between worlds by micaiah johnson (f)- a fine debut novel, but i want to see her do something a little more... idk, refined? i think she overreaches here, like it’s a little... idk looper? this is how you lose the time war? there’s a better comparison, but i can’t think of it, but you get the idea. and then halfway through it shifts gears to mad max. there’s something weird about one of the central relationships, like it’s not complex enough to take as long to resolve as it does. idk idk. there are just a lot of little nitpicky things. it’s not bad! but i think she can do better and i look forward to finding out.

postcolonial love poem by natalie diaz (p)- thinky! like i tried to read this before bed, but it’s not the sort of thing to parse out while you’re falling asleep, it requires more attention than that.

books that Learned Me Somethin:

smoke gets in your eyes by caitlin doughty (nf)- i am a self-professed death obsessed weirdo, fascinated by death and mourning, but i didn’t know all that much about what happens to a body between the dying and the funeral! this book isn’t big, but it covers a lot and doughty’s writing style is engaging and honest. it’s very memorable.

queer by meg-john barker and julia scheele (nf)- i’m gonna be totally honest and say Queer Theory is above my intellectual pay grade, but this book takes you by the hand and explains the basics.

vitamania by catherine price (nf)- LMAO my fellow americans, never take a supplement. this book is great and well-researched, but normal folks don’t need to read it, just listen to season two of the dream podcast, which definitely cribbed from this.

vegetable kingdom by bryant terry (nf)- this is a fine cookbook, my favorite of his that i’ve read so far. gets a special mention bc i had a religious experience just reading one of his kohlrabi recipes. absolutely gutted that i didn’t have an opportunity to try it this year, since the pandemic put the kibosh on all family bbqs.

the best american food writing 2020 edited by j. kenji lopez-alt (nf)- this really is just a great collection.

are prisons obsolete? by angela y. davis (nf)- yes.

i moved to los angeles to work in animation by natalie nourigat (nf)- before reading this, i had basically zero knowledge of how the animation industry works. now i know like three things.

the secret lives of bats by merlin tuttle (nf)- BATS! okay this book is more about the adventures of being a bat scientist than it actually is about bats, but there are bats in there. insectivorous bats basically shit glitter, you should know this.

books from valuable perspectives:

hood feminism by mikki kendall (nf)- a breakdown of who’s getting left out of feminist spaces, why that’s happening, and why it shouldn’t be happening.

all you can ever know by nicole chung (nf)- a (transracial) adoptee’s take on adoption and learning more about her birth family. the personal storytelling of this one really stuck with me.

motherhood so white by nefertiti austin (nf)- a single-mom-by-choice’s take on the foster system/adoption process. walks you through some things i always wondered about and some things i wouldn’t even have thought about.

this place by kateri akiwenzie-damm et al (? n/f)- i, like a lot of non- native americans, only know that history in broad strokes. getting this many highly specific stories in one dense and beautiful book felt like a lucky find. and taking that perspective into the future in the context of that history is v good.

empty by susan burton (nf)- eating disorder stories are important to me bc i care about food so much. this one is so relatable- not in its specificity, but rather its generality. it’s easy to empathize with her perspective because it’s like, Oh, i don’t have that exact problem, but i struggle with different problems in a very similar way. (feels like the opposite of roxane gay’s hunger, in a way.)

obit by victoria chang (p)- this exploration of grief is... woof.

short story collections are hard to evaluate bc you’ll never read one where every single story hits but i generally enjoyed these:

a thousand beginnings and endings edited by ellen oh and elsie chapman (f)

how long til black future month? by n.k. jemisin (f)

her body and other parties by carmen maria machado (f)

books i revisited:

the broken earth trilogy by n.k. jemisin (f)- i read the series backwards this time and like... i can’t really find any faults in these books, man. they’re just the best.

everyone’s a aliebn when ur a aliebn too by jomny sun (f... but is it really?)- half of this book’s sales are from me buying it for other people bc it’s the only way i know how to say i love you. i reread it every time just to make sure it still feels right and it always does.

other honorable mentions:

white is for witching by helen oyeyemi (f)- not to pit two bad bitches against each other, but this book does what akwaeke emezi’s freshwater was trying to do. it’s a little weird, a little haunted, a little of a lot of things. read this only in the dead of winter. (and with stephen rennicks’ score for the little stranger playing in the background.)

homie by danez smith (p)- there’s a lot going on here, but this just made me crack a smile a couple times in a way that no other book of poetry has ever done.

the murder of roger ackroyd and murder in mesopotamia by agatha christie (f)- That Bitch!

blues by nikki giovanni (p)- she sure has some Things To Say

the three-body problem by cixin liu (f)- interesting concepts, but... idk something’s missing? felt weirdly soulless to me. i’m probably not gonna read the sequels. but it did make some points!

the sisters of the winter wood by rena rossner (f)- i’m a slut for shapeshifting, okay. but this is a good fairy tale, it works!

parable of the sower by octavia butler (f)- i read this in march, when the pandemic was just kicking off and boy that was not the right time. def my least favorite of hers so far, but an octavia butler i don’t love is still better than a hell of a lot of other books. no idea when or if i’ll get to a good enough headspace for the sequel.

faves:

saturnino herrán by adriana zapett tapia (nf)- i got to learn new things about my mans and see some of his paintings i’ve never even seen online! GOSH.

on food and cooking by harold mcgee (nf)- yeah yeah, i’ve already mentioned this book half a dozen times on here this year, but i don’t care. this book lives off the shelf in my home bc i reference it like every other fucking day. this book is a part of me now.

#long post #final total for the year will be 120 by the end of the day!#and i had a pretty good hit rate. would probably recommend at least half #and only outright hated four

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tiny-italian-danger-noodle · 4 years

Text

Criminal Minds Musings: Season 2

(Spoilers ahead... you have been warned.)

So much angst... what happened?

Gideon - Ruh Roh. You seem sadder then usual. You are such a dad. Oh no dad, be careful, people might realize that you're actually kinda sappy. Don't be mean to Emily! Aww you accepted her. Look at you, taking another child under your wing. Daddaddaddaddad. Protect your son! Uh oh... you know about Spence. You're scaring me. Something is going on with you. Oh god... oh no. You poor thing. That guy was a bastard. Holy shit what did he do to you? None of what happened was your fault. I'm sorry about your girlfriend.

Hotch - Please just let this man be with his family. You missed your child's first steps? :(. Aww no! Hey! Don't be mean to the new girl. Uh oh... you have a new BAU child to protect now. Look at you! Being supportive and vouching for the new girl. Save your wife and son! Good dad! You're kinda emotionless but I still love you. I TAKE IT BACK... YOU ARE NOT EMOTIONLESS YOU POOR THING!Don't be so hard on yourself! Uh oh... you know too. Oh no. Yes! You tell her! Oh shit... watch your back Hotch... I have a really bad feeling about the next season. Oh no.

Garcia - She's back! Happy, confident Garcia is back! I missed you! You're in the intro now? :D Ooh. You like spooky stuff. The most fun. Caring woman. Much love. Oh sweetie please look away from the gory stuff. I don't need you anymore traumatized than you already are. Everytime you appear with your confidence my heart grows a little bit. You poor thing. Everyone keeps scaring the shit out of you.

JJ - You are still a mom. Oh you're a soccer mom! Strong woman. Much smart. This team wouldn't survive without you. AHHH! Please don't die! Oh thank god. Reid getting kidnapped is not your fault! Don't blame yourself! And stop trying to hide how you feel! Tired mom friend. So supportive, even to people you don't really know. Also look at you! Proving to people that you are more than some dumb blonde they all assume you are.

Elle - You're alive!! Oh wait stop. No, please take a break. I love the new hair though. Holyshitholyshitholyshit. You just killed a guy. Holy shit. Wait no! Come back!!!

Derek - it's the first episode and you already have one of your siblings jumping into danger. Why would you kick down the door if they had a key??? Uh oh! You're angry at someone. Remind me to stay on your good side. You are an incredibly empathetic man. Good man, much niceness. Oh... oh no... oh nonononono. Yes, defend yourself. Holy shit you are so strong in so many ways. You are a secret nerd! Look at you getting along to well with Prentiss. Every episode makes me think that you realize how much Spencer is struggling after what happened. Such an older brother. Look at you, taking care of everyone.

Spencer - You have glasses now??? :O. Oh baby I'm sorry about your mom. Don't be scared please. Aww. You're so concerned for you friends. Look at you being supportive. Nerd boi! Fast Reidy (read-y) boi! Why do you look so scared and sad all the time?? Oh god no! Oh nonononono. Leave him alone you bastard! Leave my baby boi alone! You poor thing! Stupid kidnapper. Oh shit... welp, that's not good. Wait don't be mean to Prentiss! Oh good, you're becoming more like yourself again. They know! They know what's going on with you! Please just talk to someone!

Emily - Oh! New person! You are very smart... I like you. You speak other languages! You are already a valuable member of this team and you've only been here for an episode. Ooh! You're a nerd too?? I love you. Strong woman. Another hidden nerd! It's okay, don't worry about Spencer brushing you off and being mean. I appreciate how forgiving you are and I'm sure he will too when he gets better. Much empathy, we love. Oh no...

#criminal minds #criminal minds musings #jason gideon #aaron hotchner #penelope garcia #derek morgan #spencer reid #elle greenaway #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau

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invisibletinkerer · 5 years

Text

Fic: The Secret Journal of 'Stanford' Pines

Size: ~3000 words AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20864183

Stan Pines keeps a journal of brief daily notes during the summer of 2012.

Note: We all know that the Gravity Falls timeline makes no sense whatsoever. Therefore this is based on a headcanon timeline I made a year or so ago, trying to incorporate as many of the canon dates (in show and published J3) as possible, but ignoring the ones that were contradictory or made no sense. This still means some episodes did not happen in a strictly chronological order.

June 1

Kids are here. I have no idea what to do. Why did I agree to this.

Boy is a grump and girl made macaroni art in the kitchen. Did I even have macaroni?

June 2 Sunday

I think boy got spooked in the forest. He seems fine, though. Good taste in gold chains.

Girl is now dating some punk kid.

June 3

Kids looked like they’d been run over by the golf cart when they got back tonight. Not good.

Gave them some free gifts from the shop to cheer em up. Yes I know

Boy got a new hat. Should get him to wear a Mystery Shack shirt next. Girl found a grappling hook that was not in my inventory. Bold choice.

What would they say if they knew about me?

June 4

Fishing Season Opening Day – took the kids fishing.

Of course, they got excited about monster hunting instead. They’re listening to reason about as well as I and Fo did as a kid.

But. They came back to me in the end. We had fun.

I love those kids.

June 5

Soos found those cursed old wax statues I sealed up some ten years ago. Don’t seem all that cursed now. One had melted.

Mabel’s gonna make a new one for the wax museum. Meaning I’ll have to figure out how to make suckers pay to look at wax statues again.

June 6

Mabel’s wax creation nearly gave me a heart attack. It looks just like my twin me.

She’s crazy talented.

June 7

I’d say the wax museum reopening went well. Assuming “well” means “profit”.

Did anyone actually think I’d hand out free pizza?

June 8

Hanging out with my wax twin Stan, and the moment I turned my back he was murdered.

June 9 Sunday

Tried to hold a funeral for Wax Stan. Failed to keep it tounge-in-cheek.

Face it, Ford is long gone

June 10

Guess the wax people were still as cursed as I remembered. Kids killed them with fire – I should have done that long ago.

Dipper crawled in the vents all day looking for a wax head that got away.

If I keep telling him he’s delusional, he’s got to stop looking for trouble eventually, right?

June 11

Mabel decided I should date Lazy Susan. Couldn’t stop her. Now Susan and her cats keep calling me.

This was a bad idea. (I will never tell Mabel that.)

June 12

Went on a date with Lazy Susan to shut her up. That ended just as well as expected.

Need to figure out some more specific excuses.

June 13

The worst thing is, the Portal should work now. It’s functional. I just can’t get it to start.

Maybe I’ve been doing it wrong all along

I did fix that old copier. Don’t know if it still makes copies of people, but at least it makes copies of paper again.

Caught Dipper making oogly eyes at Wendy. I smell drama.

June 14

Did not expect “The Duchess Approves” to be that good.

June 15

The traditional Mystery Shack party that has nothing to do with any birthdays.

Mabel is a great singer, and that Northwest brat cheated.

Happy birthday, Sixer.

June 16 Sunday

Gideon Gleeful’s running TV ads again.

Of course my family goes to his show just to spite me.

June 17

Mabel played with Gideon today. Did not see that one coming.

As long as she’s happy, I guess.

June 18

I hate Pioneer Day.

Stupid people acting even stupider than normal, nothing works, then someone (me) ends up in the stocks.

June 19

Gideon and Mabel are dating!?

Seemed like a horrible idea, but Bud Gleeful has a point on the moneymaking opportunities if we play it right.

June 20

So if Mabel marries Gideon, his business will be incorporated into mine. I sure like the sound of that.

Bud is already making t-shirts.

June 21

June 22

OK, no. No deals with the Gleefuls. Not now or ever.

Mabel broke up with the little pest. Good riddance.

Got me a nice painting from Bud’s house, though.

June 23 Sunday

The Mystery Fair! It may look cheap, but it brings in the money.

Though someone broke all safety protocols and brought a futuristic laser gun to Dunkle the Grunkle. That’s unfair.

Mabel has a pig now.

June 24

Got roped into the gaming arcade with the kids.

Maybe get one of those games for the Shack?

June 25

Mabel decided to fix my fear of heights.

I can say this – being on top of a water tower about to fall over was unpleasant. Compared to that, a high but stable ground isn’t so bad.

Dipper got into a fistfight with Wendy’s boyfriend over teenage drama, but good on him for standing up for himself.

June 26

For some reason Gideon has gotten it into himself that he wants the Mystery Shack now.

Good luck, kid. I’m a better conman than you’ll ever be.

June 27

Mabel is slightly taller than Dipper. This is funny.

Gideon Gleeful trying to be threatening while throwing a hysterical fit after breaking my new mirror maze – mostly confusing. Wish I knew what went on in that kid’s head.

June 28

Kids made me wear the golden teeth. Guess they think I’m a dishonest man.

Fortunately, I’m good at bullshitting even when telling the truth. Think I scandalized the poor things. Hilarious.

Could have been disaster, though. Could have easily made them hate me.

June 29

Spent half the day falling down the Bottomless Pit.

June 30 Sunday

Summerween, now that’s a respectable local holiday.

Scaring children for fun and profit. Celebrating true evil together with family.

July 1

Hottest day of the year. Wax Stan was permanently murdered by the weather.

Closed the Shack and went to the municipal pool with the kids.

Gideon stole my perfect pool chair. It’s on.

July 2

Broke into the pool area at night to get the chair to myself. Which was a good plan, until I wanted to get up later in the day. The pest had coated it with glue.

The kids broke into the pool at night, too. Didn’t ask.

July 3

Opened the Shack again.

Can’t be too lazy. Tourists to fleece and all that.

July 4

July 5

Mabel bet she could run the Shack better than I can. Well. I’m nothing if not a gambler.

So, three days of vacation, in which I will make more money than she will make running the Shack. Winner takes the Shack, loser sings a silly song.

Best case scenario, she learns something about business and stops complaining. Worst case, she actually makes money and then runs the Shack for me the rest of the summer. Not bad.

July 6

Made it past the line to be a contestant on Cash Wheel, using my Old Man powers and lack of common decency.

Why is it so hard to sleep

July 7 Sunday

Well. I lost at Cash Wheel.

Guess that means I lost the bet with Mabel, too. Unless I go rob a bank or something in the time I have left. Hm.

July 8

Turns out Mabel barely broke even when running the Shack. She did win the bet, but she didn’t want my job, no surprise there.

I’m proud of her for learning something.

She still made me sing that song. On video tape. It’s kinda catchy.

July 9

Mabel’s friends came for a sleepover. They make a lot of noice.

July 10

Soos managed to uncover the door to Ford’s that old study I sealed thirty years ago the very moment the kids demanded separate bedrooms.

I never wanted to see that room again. His glasses were still there

Guess they didn’t want the room in the end, but now it’s open. Can’t re-seal it.

I think they messed around with the freaky carpet. Took it away at the end of the day just in case.

July 11

I fucked up, but I fixed it.

I got Mabel’s pig back, even when I had to punch a pterodactyl in the face for it.

She doesn’t hate me.

I love that kid so much.

July 12

That weird egg I pocketed from the dino-cave hatched. Dipper says it’s a compo-whatnot.

I call him Compy. He’s now my Mystery Pet.

July 13

Soos’ birthday. The kids tried to throw a party, which is. Bad idea.

Think he appreciated laser tag, though. And the magic pizza they got him. Never seen him so happy on a birthday.

July 14 Sunday

Turns out Compy is a very tiny dragon. Hoards stuff, mostly cash. In places I can’t reach.

It’s no good. Gonna hand the chicken-lizard over to farmer Sprott first thing in the morning before he bankrupts me.

July 15

Mabel and her friends went to some boy band concert. Got back late with a large pack of spoils. Probably robbed someone.

Wendy’s boyfriend is charming her with homemade music. Dipper suspects magic. Can’t rule that out.

July 16

There was a hypnotic message in the music, but telling Wendy about it only made the teenage drama worse.

Went bowling with Dipper afterwards to cheer him up. Should have a chat with Wendy, too.

July 17

Gideon I’m How could

Didn’t know Gideon was that serious.

As if half-lucid dreams about that yellow triangle wasn’t bad enough. (The kids know something. Not asking. I want them to stay away from that stuff.)

We’re staying with Soos as I panic figure out how to fix this.

July 18

I can’t fix this.

Gideon’s got the whole town eating out of his hand and I’m just a grouchy old man.

Doing the responsible thing. Got bus tickets to send the kids home tomorrow.

Whatever I do next, don’t want them to watch.

July 19

GIDEON IS A LITTLE SHIT AND I AM AWESOME.

Figured out his trick, proved it in public and now he’s in jail.

Got the Shack back. Got the kids back.

And. Get this. Gideon had one of Ford’s missing journals. I have it now.

July 20

I can’t believe it. Dipper. Had the third journal all summer.

All three of the dumb books are right here in front of me.

I activated the Portal. Simple as anything.

It’s scanning for Ford right now.

I’m actually bringing him back.

July 21 Sunday

Grand reopening of the Mystery Shack turned into a zombie-fest.

Kids could’ve died because I was too busy with the Portal to pay attention. That won’t happen again.

Should have talked to them about weirdness sooner. Hope they believed me when I said I have no more secrets.

A little worried that government might have picked up signals from the Portal.

July 22

Repairing the Shack. Too much undead slime to attract tourists like this.

July 23

Re-reopened the Shack.

Dipper got himself an old laptop computer from somewhere. Probably stolen. He tried to hide it.

July 24

Went minigolfing with the kids.

Mabel challenged Pacifica Northwest to a duel at midnight. I’m so proud of her.

Letting kids into minigolf courts at night to take a rich snob down a few pegs – finally putting my skills to good use.

July 25

I still can’t believe the Portal works.

It keeps scanning.

July 26

Tried to bring old Goldie back to the gift shop but apparently he’s unhip and scary. Had to throw him away before the parents sued me.

What I do need is a singing animatronic robot badger. That’s what kids like these days.

July 27

Soos missed work for the first time ever. Seems to be girl trouble, but the kids are handling it.

Would’ve stolen myself a robot badger if it hadn’t tried to kill me. Saved by old Goldie. No way I’m not keeping him now.

July 28 Sunday

Went for a Vegas vacation because I deserve it.

Not because I’m nervous.

Brought Goldie, might have gotten slightly drunk. And slightly married.

July 29

Mabel found herself a new obsession with hand puppets.

She’ll throw a big show on Friday. Made me rent Gravity Falls theatre for her. (Can’t believe I did that.)

July 30

The Shack is full of sock puppets and kids and Mabel keeps singing.

Guess this is my life now.

July 31

August 1

Soos went to his cousin’s wedding with his new girlfriend. Good on him.

Mabel’s still obsessing about puppets.

Dipper looks like he hasn’t slept in days. Can’t blame him with all this ruckus.

August 2

Play was good! Think it paid for the costs, too. Mabel’s got showmanship.

Don’t get the ending, though.

I mean. Children fighting always makes for good footage, but was it necessary to beat Dipper up that bad? I swear Mabel don’t know how strong she is.

A little worried about Dipper. He seemed high as a kite all day. Probably sleep deprivation. At least he’s sleeping now.

August 3

August 4 Sunday

Gravity’s going more crazy around the Portal the longer it’s on, but I don’t care.

It hasn’t found Ford yet.

It won’t find him if he’s dead

August 5

The Portal ate my notebook.

Got a nasty cut on the back of my hand from some debris, too. Could have been worse.

August 6

Tried to advertise the Mystery Shack for the kids at the Woodstick Festival. Hilarious disaster.

Being feared is worth more than being loved anyway.

August 7

August 8

IT FOUND HIM.

He’s alive. There’s a lock on his position.

Fuck I don’t I have to

I know how it works. It needs to calibrate for a while. It needs to be fueled for the big moment.

I’ll go rob a government facility right now.

(So glad the kids are off at the Northwest party tonight.)

27 hours and then I’ll see him again.

August 9

Ford is back.

I had to run from the feds and the kids found out everything the wrong way but it worked and he’s back.

But he doesn’t He still hates me.

Why would I expect anything else.

Don’t know what I’d do with myself if the kids weren’t here.

It’s fine. I fucked up everything, but. Mabel trusts me. Dipper forgives me. I’m fine.

not crying

August 10 Sunday

The Shack needs repairs again.

Spent most of the day making Duck-tective finale preparations with Mabel. We had fun.

Told the kids to stay away from Ford.

August 11

Dipper has predictably decided to be nerd friends with my brother.

Can’t stop him. He looks happy. Both of them do.

Still can’t figure out why Ford would have reality altering dice lying around in his sci-fi pouch.

Anyway. I knew Duck-tective had an evil twin.

August 12

I hate everything.

Ford will take my his place here soon enough, does he have to undercut me while I’m still here?

I’m running for mayor now.

August 13

Kids are helping me with a political campaign. Apparently I know nothing about politics and have unpalatable opinions. Bah.

August 14

The Stump Speech went great! I relax, words happen, people cheer.

Dipper got a lucky tie for me. Think it really works.

August 15

Should’ve tried being a politician before. Almost feels like people like me.

August 16

Nope. Politics is not for me. Too much mind control.

Should’ve known it wasn’t me making those speeches.

(The kids shouldn’t get into politics either. Can’t always be there to save them from murder.)

Turns out I’m not mayor material, but I’m a HERO.

Take that, Ford.

August 17

Rented an RV and took Soos and the kids and Mabel’s friends on a road trip.

Pranking the tourist traps. Good old Mystery Shack tradition for the last time.

Dipper’s practising flirting like a pro.

August 18 Sunday

Almost got eaten by a spider-woman. That could have gone better.

Have to admit, the kids are heroes too.

Don’t think Ford noticed we were gone.

August 19

Opened the Mystery Shack for the final stretch.

Two more weeks, then I’m gone for good.

August 20

Made a good deal on illegal pugs. Still got it.

Ford and Dipper put some magic mojo on the Shack. Not gonna ask.

Might have something to do with how badly Ford is sleeping.

August 21

Ten days left until the kids’s birthday and the end of summer.

Guess I’m doing a countdown now.

August 22

Nine days left.

August 23

Eight days left.

I’m gonna order a ponytail kit.

August 24

HELL NO I DON’T NEED THIS.

It’s the literal end of the world and the kids are missing.

Suddenly orange skies, goats turning into monsters, the whole shebang. I thought I had enough troubles.

That magic on the Shack seems to be protecting it, but. THE KIDS ARE MISSING. So is Ford.

??? 1

Day and night are replaced by eternal glowing orange and every single clock is busted, so no more dates.

Went out looking for the kids, but all I find is other people. Also demons. No sign of Soos or Wendy, either.

Been taking people to the Shack. Safest place on Earth for all I know. I have enough brown meat and elected myself Chief.

The kids are fine. Probably with Ford. That’s the ticket.

??? 2

Went out looking again. Found the Northwest girl dressed in nothing but a potato sack. She was crying and I don’t want to know, but she didn’t deserve it.

Been told the head honcho is the yellow triangle. He calls this Weirdmageddon.

Old McGucket showed up more coherent than usual, herding a whole flock of forest creatures into the Shack. Starting to get crowded here.

The kids are fine. Of course they are.

??? 3

There’s still people alive out there. I heard cars over at Gleeful’s place.

Didn’t see anyone else.

I’ve lost I couldn’t even

Mabel and Dipper are definitely still alive. So is Soos and Wendy. And Ford better be.

??? 4

They’re alive!

All four of my kids, bursting through the door like cops doing a raid but they’re alive!

Now all I want is for them to stay here and be safe. Why can’t they see that?

I’m done saving my brother’s skin and getting nothing but scorn for it.

Ford made his own bed with that demon. Forget it.

??? 5

Did I mention, the plan concocted by five kids, Soos, and a known madman is utterly insane?

They’re rebuilding the Shack. I just had it repaired, too.

It’s my house, but no one’s listening to me.

??? 6

I keep having this bad feeling about Ford.

It’s dumb. My brother has made it perfectly clear how he feels about being saved.

??? 7

Well then.

Not letting the kids lead an apocalypse rebellion against a demonic triangle without me.

August 25 Sunday

August 26

August 27

August 28

Huh. I can’t remember writing this, but it does ring a few bells.

It’s like I

I need to talk to Ford.

August 29

So. The apocalypse is over, and we’re all fine.

We killed the demon by burning my mind out when he was inside, pretty much.

My mind’s still there, but it’s kinda. Well. In need of repair.

Spent a few days reliving good memories.

Turns out there’s more than a few bad ones, too. But.

Everyone is so good to me

I don’t deserve this

August 30

I remember how Ford looked at me after I brought him back.

Now he acts like he likes to he thinks I’m

Now it’s like he’s my brother again.

He said. “Thank you.”

August 31

The kids have left. I’ll miss them, but I’ll see them again.

Until then, my brother and I are going sailing.

#gravity falls #fanfic #stanley pines #i still have feels about this old conman #it writes #unconventional writing

105 notes · View notes

domoz · 5 years

Text

I read War of the Spark last night (yes all of it, all last night.... its like that when you get into a book sometimes)

Thoughts, musings, gripes and spoilers under the cut.

I feel like I should start off by saying that I really liked the book. Like, enough to keep me reading through to 7 am kinda.... but it... suffers quite a few issues.

I have always been very negative on how theyve handled releasing their stories for mtg. One would think that if they’re changing how the story is gonna be released from online to book form they would give a little more context in what the hell is going for people who are just jumping in here, but it feels like everything the gatewatch has ever been involved in is required reading to get a picture of whats going on.That and the fact that so much of what the hell is going on depends on stuff that happened in a prologue that hasn’t even been released yet. And when they do exposit its just ‘oh heres a summary of what happened, moving on’. Not super engaging.

Yeah... Kaya (who... I don’t even know much about but shes a main character in this) and Ral and Vraska and Lavnia and some other character i dont even remember the name of were all buds and then shit went down and blah blah. Why didn’t they include that in the book? Why did they decide to go the route of making the book very confusing and spoiling the future story that has yet to be released?? its such a puzzling decision and i hate it.

The story itself was uh... very much an avengers/smash bros “everyone is here!” situation ... to the point where its not clear whos supposed to be important? like the gatewatch is, and the people in named chapters are but they make a big deal about kiora showing up and she’s mentioned once. Meanwhile Angrath gets a bunch of scenes and basically does nothing with them besides fight some zombies.

I dunno, if youre wondering if you should read it, wait until this prologue thing comes out in june and hopefully you'll be a little less lost then i was when reading it.

It does really feel like just a story you read to see what the gatewatch and your faves are doing. But you know, if you like tamiyo or tibalt then too bad youre out of luck.

I got lucky in that a lot of mine were IN, so.... reactions on that (more heavy spoilers):

Ral - I am ... so happy with him in this. He written SO much better than he was in the original ravnica novels, he turns out not to be a villain like I was worried about but hes still kinda the bastard we love. Also he has a boyfriend? Its like.. a major sort of plot point but not really explained because its in that fucking prologue i assume. He seems nice though.

Lavnia - powerful , all of her drama, is not explained at all within the book itself.

Vraska - She also suffers from “everything important in my character arc happened in a story thats not out yet” syndrome. But shes still vraska, who I adore and shes in the story. And she and Jace hook up at the end which considering that Ixalan was actually well written and made that seem Good for both of them, I’m fine with.

Sarkhan - I dont even think his story will be covered much in this unreleased prologue but hes like... not evil or mind controlled by bolas now and hes works with ugin instead (which i also dont trust but at least he doesn’t make him lose his mind). Ugins little quip at the end about “you must have done something to make him very mad was... real good. I hope he gets a little chance to be redeemed and be less an asshole

Domri - i always kinda knew that the way i had him in my head probably didn’t line up much with wizards canon. but uh... awfully bold of wizards to go “here’s the youngest planeswalker! he’s like 16! lets kill him brutally!” They didn’t really make it clear in the text that hes like... very young (younger than Teyo) and his stupid actions are probably the result of being a dumb teen, so he just comes off like an asshole.

Teyo - new, obviously meant to be an audience surrogate but he has a crush on a girl named rat and hes trying so hard so I like him.

Niv Mizzet - horrid bastard man who i love. if he messes up ravnica i will destroy him.

Honorable shutout to Ob Nixilis for being just the right amount of villianous asshole, and to Dack Fayden (who i did not care about before because again with how they release stuff... i dont even know how to get a hold of the comics/books hes in) who got a lot of the book time being built up as someone who was getting willing to actually help and be a hero and then just fuckin dies.

Also honorable shout out to Maree, Arlinn and Narset who didn’t do much but were at least mentioned.

As for some less favorite moments:

Nissa comes back to do nothing but destroy vitu-gazi. (And then profess her love for chandra which i think does make it worth it in the end, so). But does anyone feel like they don’t know what to do with mono green characters? garruk is just fucking Gone, Nissa only just showed back up and viven was similarly not super relevant except to say to people that Nicol Bolas is Real Bad Guys!

Lilliana just spent the whole story going “i can’t betray bolas or ill die so i wont but i hate him :)”, and then when she decides that she actually would rather die than have him win and maybe redeem herself gideon takes the bullet for her. It was made clear that shes Genuinely Upset about but ... with her its too little too late all the time. At the very least she’ll probably be dealt with soon-ish?

And gideon... I kinda went into it expecting that someone in the gatewatch would die, either him or jace. There were all sorts of ways they could have just as easily not killed him but they decided to do it so they wanted him written out for.. some reason? Like I said, at least Lilli feels bad about it, not that it will stop her from doing future villainous things.

They seeded their future villains a little obviously (3 of them being literally named dropped at the end of the book and Ob literally doing an evil laugh and leaving as soon as he got the chance) but I think it’ll be nice to not have a “one big evil villain is responsible for everything bad that ever happens ever” scenario for a little while.

#mtg blog for mtg things #war of the spark

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distant-rose · 6 years

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1, 10, 16, 22 FOR SALTY ASKS, BITCH! xo

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

I’m going to say it and people are going to possibly fight me but Rumbelle. As someone who specializes in family and human rights law, it’s hard for me to watch because I feel like I’m watching one of my cases, particularly cases regarding Battered Women’s Syndrome where women are put through a cycle of abuse and affection that eventually leads to them snapping and killing their partners due to the constant fear that they feel. Granted, that didn’t happen on the show and I don’t think Adam & Eddy even have a clue what BWS is but it was the cycle that got me - the manipulation, the gaslighting and sometimes even trespass against the person via false imprisonment. (And yes, false imprisonment is categorized as trespass against the person in tort.) I constantly cringed while watching them mainly because it became clear many times that Rumple just doesn’t respect Belle’s autonomy and views her more as a coveted object than a partner.

Another is honestly…Kataang. I don’t find it abusive for the record or anything. And just a PSA out there for you, you CAN dislike a ship and not find it abusive, just saying. It’s more that I felt there wasn’t much chemistry for Aang and Katara. There was a serious maturity gap between them. I felt to me that Aang was always trying to hold on to his childhood and really not face issues unless they were pressing and he felt compelled too while Katara honestly acted more like an adult, which isn’t surprising considering the fact her mother died when she was young and she and Sokka were often left on their own because of the war. Katara really faced things head on and I feel like her actions towards Aang were more maternal than anything. @justanotherwannabeclassic and I have discussed this before but it feels like Katara was just a prize for Aang for saving the world and kinda lost her autonomy as person. She just became his girlfriend when she was a master fucking waterbender and I don’t think she would have been satisfied with just being a wife and mother, not that there is anything wrong with that but she’s very much into helping people and being a revolutionary - she was the fucking Painted Lady, c’mon now.

I could write an entire essay on these two and other ships but honestly this answer is long enough as is.

I’m gonna put my other answers under the cut because I have a lot of salt

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

Alana. Seriously. If I could, I would rewrite the entire Once Upon a Time show post-season three. There’s so many things I have an issue with in regard to OUAT but if I had to chose one and this is hard, but the entire Killian killed David’s Dad/Killian’s Realm Tour 2017. That story arc was bullshit, in fact most of season six was bullshit. Season five was also bullshit but I digress. Anyway, I think the whole issue of Killian killing Robert was fucking dumb and was just drama for drama’s sake because Adam and Eddy got lazy and apparently wrote the majority of their plots high, and not the good kind of high. Like the kinda high you get when you buy cheap ass marijuana from a sketchy street vender in Switzerland kinda high. That’s the minor beef I have with this arc, the main bit is the Emma moping and thinking Killian abandoned her nonsense. Girl, we just went through THREE SEASONS of crazy ass insanity where it was confirmed MANY times that Killian wasn’t ever going to leave her, loved her and would die like five hundred times for her. The fact that she immediately thought that he left instead of, maybe I don’t know, being kidnapped or hurt is just absurd to me. It’s fucking absurd.

16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

Oh god, where to do I fucking begin. Number one, I would have had a fucking real overarching plot for OUAT and I would have totally reworked seasons four through seven with more original spins. One of the things that attracted me to the show in the first place was how they took characters like Snow White and Little Red Riding Hood and they turned them on their heads and made them bad ass and unique. That didn’t seem to happen much post-season three. I would have changed Elsa and Anna up a bit instead of making them carbon copies of their movie selves. It would be something making Elsa morally grey and a boss ass political bitch who gives Regina a run for her money and make Anna an absolute tomboy who have no interest in being a princess but would rather be a flower child and walk around in the woods all day bare foot and incredibly strong because all she does is climb trees. I love the idea of playing Elsa off as winter and Anna as a spring. Work with that. That would have been an interesting thing.

Also, I actually did not enjoy the author arc at all. I get the idea of playing around with the characters as inverse/opposites of their true natures but I just rolled my eyes a lot. I would have done an entirely different arc, maybe looked more at realm traveling or you know actually address whether people want to return to the Enchanted Forrest. Hell, I would have maybe even done something about the town line and whether the citizens of Storybrooke wanted to explore the outside world.

Dark Swan was a wasted opportunity in my opinion and they really missed a chance to make Emma actually do some really crazy shit and you know confront some of the issues that had been buried under the rug in the past few seasons but that’s not biggest issue actually. I had more issues with the Underworld as a Greek mythology buff than I did with Dark Swan but how they did the Dark Ones thing could have been so much better. But Underworld deserves more of my beef. *sigh* That, personally to me, was a wasted arc creatively. Don’t get me wrong, I cried like a bit at the elevator scene but I feel like they should have gone more Greek myth than Disney Hades. I think I’ve said before to @katie-dub that it would have been more interesting if Hades wasn’t so much of an antagonist but more of someone who misleads them into thinking that Killian is in the worst part of the Underworld while he really isn’t, he’s either on the Asphodel Meadows and doesn’t remember her or in Elysium where he’s completely at peace and taking him back would pose more of a moral question for Emma on whether or not she should.

We can all agree that seasons six is a train wreck right? I was a little annoyed at the timelines and the issues brought up in regard to Captain Swan. It seemed like they were issues that had been addressed or should have been addressed in previous seasons. I found the whole wedding thing super rushed. I would have been content if Captain Swan had more of background role drama-wise and maybe they actually used the wedding to really build on Emma and Snow’s relationship more because it had been strongly ignored. The Black Fairy was a wasted villain and Gideon wasn’t really necessary. Let’s be real, that final battle was a massive letdown and the last time I checked a TLK doesn’t save you from normal mortal wounding. I kinda wished they played around with the Untold Stories Thing a bit more in S6. I would have totally nixed the Wish Realm and the Musical Episode even though I liked the music. I just found a lot of their plots confusing, unnecessary and tired.

Okay, I didn’t watch a lot of season seven but I do have an issue with the recycling of plots and characters. I don’t mind Jacinda or Tilly/Alice but I found the whole recycle of Alice in Wonderland and Cinderella a sign that the creative well had run dry. I wish they had work with new material and stories such as the Labyrinth, Black Cauldron, Treasure Island, Atlantis or even fucking Enchanted. They could have also worked in on some of the legends from 1,001 Arabian Nights, worked more with Greek mythology particularly the Odyssey or the Argonauts. There’s a lot of creative things they could have done and just didn’t do. You’re welcome to like season seven and the characters it introduced but it just felt more like a money grab with incredibly lazy writing.

22. Popular character you hate?

I have a feeling a lot of people might unfollow me for this one but David Tennant’s Tenth Doctor. Like I’m sure not a lot of people have noticed this but I do not reblog anything with Ten in it. I know he’s everyone’s favorite and people love him and think he’s attractive but I actually hate his treatment of Rose, Martha and Donna as well as his weird space casanova act. I actually don’t really like Ten/Rose that much mainly because Ten doesn’t seem to have the same love and denotation for her that Nine did and was totally cool with leaving her and Mickey alone in a murder robot infested space in the 51st century to chase after Madame Pompadour. I don’t think the Ninth “I could save the world but lose you” Doctor would have done the whole “does it need saying?” and would have left Rose in Pete’s World with his clone without giving her a say. I was really irked by that. He whined about how much he missed Rose for TWO. WHOLE. FUCKING. SEASONS and when she came back, he’s like “here, have my clone and fuck off.” It bothered me so much and I think a lot of Rose hate is honestly based off Ten’s melodramatic ass and how he whined about missing Rose and made Martha feel inferior. Martha Jones was a fucking boss and didn’t deserve the shit he gave her. And then, we have Donna, poor Donna who didn’t get a choice at all in her fate. He chose it for her and that will never not bother me. Rose, Martha and Donna deserved more. End of story.

#asks #answered #starlessness #ro speaks #meme bullshit #salty asks #I AM A VERY SALTY PERSON #I'M NOT SORRY #personal

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margoslxix · 6 years

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OKAY so I was tagged by @autisticmob and I think these things are fun so here we go!

Rules: Choose any three fandoms (in any order), answer the questions and tag 10 people you want to get to know better.

So, obviously I gotta pick:

1. Homestuck

and

2. New Albion

But I legitimately don’t know what third fandom to pick. I’m going to go with.......

3. Magic the Gathering

Because, I don’t know, I like it and I don’t get enough chances to talk about these characters.

First Character You Loved:

1. “First” is tricky, because I loved most of the characters pretty right away. I guess Calliope? Not that I hadn’t loved anyone before Act 6 or anything, I just remember liking her right away after meeting her, and also thinking she was my favorite character for a while.

2. Again, this is a hard one. Annabel is probably the obvious answer, but it’s true. I think she’s everyone’s first favorite, though. Her songs are just so good, plus she’s the first character you really get to know.

3. Hmmm. Liliana? I loved her aesthetic right away, for sure. I mean, be honest, how can you not at LEAST think she’s pretty goddamn cool.

The Character You Never Expected to Love So Much:

1. Caliborn, full stop (heheh). He’s my son and I would die for him. My very, very first initial impression of him was “god, what a douchebag.” But he’s MY douchebag now and tbh I relate to him a lot. He’s got a lot of problems, he’s definitely not an easy person to like. But I think he has so much narrative potential, and even most of his awful qualities (mostly the misogyny, let’s be honest) could honestly probably be dealt with if he was actually properly socialized. Which I’m still not 100% sure isn’t canonically possible. Too bad the comic’s mcfucking over.

2. Lloyd Allen. He definitely comes across as a dick, but he’s got a lot of hidden depth. He’s just such a good guy? Like, once you learn the lengths that he went to and the danger he put himself in, just for the chance to make his boyfriend happy again, I just... I can’t, I’m getting very emotional. I love Lloyd Allen, okay?

3. Gideon MOTHERFUCKING Jura. I hate Lawful Good, usually. I think it’s often just an excuse for characters to be stupid as hell, rigid, and incapable of understanding moral ambiguity. But honestly, Gideon is one of the best Lawful Good characters I’ve ever seen. He is legitimately heroic, and the fact that he’s not 100% rigid in his alignment, choosing Good over Law every time, is honestly cool. I just... he’s a character type and trope that I usually can’t stand, but done very well, and that’s impressive enough that I honestly love him.

The Character You Relate To Most:

1. If you’ve followed me for any length of time, you already know it’s Caliborn. He’s stubborn, determined, unyielding... and I’ll admit, I’m much the same. I think I approach problems in a similar way to him, and get confused/annoyed by similar, arbitrary things. Also, he’s absolutely autistic, and I’ll fight anyone who says he isn’t.

2. Uncle Raven, aka David Adams. I mean, there are a lot of things about him that I can’t relate to. A lot. Like being extremely attractive, for one thing. But he is Aesthetic Goals. He’s a sad carnival man, and I’m a sad man who loves carnivals. He also copes with loneliness and abandonment about as well as I do, which is to say, not very well at all. Also the whole, “sad businessman who lost his mind and gained superpowers” thing is somehow also relatable. Now where the fuck are my reality-bending powers?

3. Vraska, probably. Gods, I fucking love Vraska. If Gideon hadn’t been my answer for the last one, it would have been her. The Ixalan story really hit me hard, and I love her a lot. Just, she’s been through a lot of shit and it’s made her hard and cruel, but who she is around Jace, now, with her memories intact, just... aaa, fuck, I love Vraska. I really hope they beat up Nicol Bolas soon. Fuck that guy.

The Character You’d Slap:

1. Cronus, probably. He just needs to stop. Not stop anything in particular, just stop in general. And the thing is, I don’t even completely hate him. I just hate a lot of his bullshit. Hussie once called him “the worst character in Homestuck,” and honestly, I can see it.

2. Okay, yeah, the “correct” answer here is probably Edgar or Sarah. But I’m still gonna go with Connor. I just, I don’t know, I have this weird, irrational hatred for Connor. I find him incredibly irritating. Almost every problem he’s ever had has been his own damn fault, and it’s obnoxious hearing him cry about it. I mean, “Connor” is still a gorgeous song and all, but as a character, I just wanna tell him to suck it the hell up.

3. Nicol Bolas? I mean, he deserves way more than a slap. But it seems like he’s literally behind every bad thing that happens lately and he needs to knock it the fuck off. Amonkhet was particularly like.... DUDE, not cool. You can’t just turn an entire world into a zombie factory, what the FUCK is wrong with you? I hate this fucking dragon, and this is coming from a guy who loves dragons, and also villains.

Three Favorite Characters (In Order of Preference):

1. Caliborn, Calliope, Dirk

2. Raven, Lloyd, Han Mi

3. Vraska, Jace, Chandra (this list subject to change at literally any time)

A Character You Liked At First, But Don’t Anymore:

1. Okay, so this is going to sound incredibly harsh, so let me preface it with, it’s not that I DON’T like him, it’s just that he annoys and vexes me, and I’m sick of seeing him, and ALSO that I used to like him more than I currently do. In FACT, I do sometimes have feelings about him that I would normally have mostly for characters I like more, so it’s not that I hate him, okay? But it’s Jake English. Fucking... he’s so goddamn stupid and self-absorbed. And yeah, I get that it wasn’t his fault. I get that he’s been through some serious shit that no one should have to go through. Yeah, okay, just like every other character in this comic. But like, come on dude. But it’s less about him, I think, and more about how the fandom treats him. He’s not just an accessory for Dirk, for one thing (and I’m sorry, you can NOT convince me that they get back together in the end, that’s stupid, they had literally no chemistry whatsoever). And anyway, I’ve ranted way, way longer than I need to. But I have to set the record straight. I don’t HATE Jake English, I just think he’s dumb as a bag of teeth and I’m sick of seeing his face.

2. I’m actually having a hard time thinking of anyone specific. The more I learn about most characters, the more I like them. Seriously, I’m trying to think of a character that I like even a little bit less than my first impression of them. Maybe Connor? But I wasn’t really super crazy about him from the beginning, so I feel like that doesn’t count. I guess I’m going to have to go with Tristan from A Pirate’s Tale (even though that doesn’t technically count as New Albion but FUCK IT, I’m counting it) because like, “Ride the Hemp” is my jam and an awesome song, but when you actually read the script, he’s just kind of a dick. So yeah, I guess that’s it.

3. Again, there’s no one in particular. I think both Liliana and Nissa fall under “I used to love them a lot, but now I’m feeling a bit more ambiguous about them”--Liliana because DAMN getting a look at how she’s treated Jace all this time from Vraska’s perspective was some SHIT, and Nissa because I don’t particularly approve of her leaving the Gatewatch after all that shit about realizing that Chandra was her friend and all. I don’t know. I don’t hate either of them. Heck, I don’t even dislike either of them. But that’s one thing that’s cool about the constantly shifting perspective in the Magic stories. I just know I’m going to see something from their perspectives that changes everything before too long. Hell, Dominaria is already giving me a lot of Liliana feels.

A Character You Did Not Like At First, But Do Now:

1. See, I actually kind of liked everyone in Homestuck right away. And I’m not even counting Caliborn here, because I never really disliked him, I just never expected him to be my favorite character. I guess maybe Eridan? It’s not even that I particularly like him that much now, I just don’t dislike him as strongly as I did at first. I’m not even sure why. I think that one fansong (”Ugly Story”) kind of increased my affection for him. But he’s still not even in my top 20, so I don’t know.

2. Rachael. I’m not going to lie, the first time I listened to The New Albion Guide to Analogue Consciousness, I thought she was obnoxious. I mean she did lowkey try to get herself killed while singing a big, dramatic song for the sole reason that this guy that she was convinced was her destined love match turned out to be gay. That’s some fuckshit, right there. But the more I listened and the more I thought about her... with all the shit she’s been through, it makes sense. And it’s not like her assumption was totally irrational. Plus, Connor told her that that was the case because Connor’s a fucking idiot. So I’m blaming him for this one. So yeah, Rachael’s actually pretty cool. Plus “The Show No One Saw” is a bop.

3. Hmmmmmmm, I don’t know. I’m honestly drawing a blank. Vraska, maybe? It’s not really that I didn’t like her, but I’ll admit, I kinda was late to the party with a lot of Magic stuff. So I was just like “Wait, isn’t she just that gorgon assassin from Ravnica?” but then Ixalan happened, and she’s my daughter now. So there’s that.

Three OTPs:

1. ....Do I even have to say it? Dirkborn is my real, true OTP. I’m utter trash for this ship. Their whole dynamic is so much fun, and honestly, these boys could be extremely good for each other. Plus, they actually have canon chemistry, so there’s that. Davekat is a real close second. It’s one I actually wasn’t 100% sold on when I first saw it, but now I can’t imagine the comic without it. I’m so happy that it’s canon. I guess third would be Roxy/Calliope, which is funny, since I really didn’t used to like that ship very much. But I’ve come around on it, it’s honestly adorable.

2. Lloydven (Lloyd/Raven) is the obvious one here. I mean, I feel like it’s lowkey the most common OTP in the fandom. But like, damn. I honestly almost cried reading The Ballad of Lloyd Allen. They’re just so in love. Second is probably Leedrian (Lee/Adrian), just because. Honestly, it’s not even that deep fam, I just think they’re cute and also I love Adrian in general. HelMi (Helen/Han Mi) is a very, very close third, if not second. Like if you cry every time. Seriously, just.... FUCK.

3. Vraska/Jace. They had BETTER get that fucking date on Ravnica! If they don’t I will scream! That’s the best ship Magic has right now, I’m sorry, that’s just how it is. Now, I will say, I’m at a bit of a loss here. I used to ship the Gatewatch as an OT5 (Gideon/Jace/Liliana/Chandra/Nissa) but I feel like that’s been complicated by a lot of other feelings I have about individual members, so I’m not sure I really ship it anymore, leaving me kind of adrift. Honestly, though? Saheeli/Huatli had better fucking sail, so I’m going to call that #2 for right now. Please let them make a robot dinosaur together! And Chandra/Nissa is still fucking quality, I don’t care what happens.

OKAY so now I have to tag people. Since KC didn’t bother tagging 10 I’m not gonna, either. Just, any mutual who wants to can take it. For the sake of actually tagging people though, let’s say.... @draconicmentalist @stokerbramwell @gearydigit @the-cheese-hive-mind @swiftyscreativitycorner @vadvivon @humanmosquito And tbh there’s a lot of other people I would want to tag but I don’t remember everyone’s URLs and tbh I’ve already spent enough time on this post so, PLEASE DO THIS IT’S FUN

#homestuck #new albion #magic the gathering #tag meme #long post

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