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pretensesoup · 9 months

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Queer books, day 31/30

Turns out I like writing about books in this format, but I read a lot more slowly than I write.

I asked on Mastodon for everyone's favorite romance novels with an NB character in them. Partly because I'm in the process of writing my own NB character and I wanted to see how other people had dealt with sex scenes (in the anatomic sense). Partly because I just wanted to see how anyone else conceptualized nonbinaryness*. That request led me to Sword Dance by AJ Demas. It only sort of answers my questions, but that's okay because it's amazing.

In an alternative version of the Mediterranean, Damiskos is an ex-soldier (now disabled) and current quartermaster who has been sent to visit an old friend (Nione) to secure a contract for fish sauce. At her house, he meets: a bunch of tedious philosophers led by Eurydemos (who seems to preach a very anti-alien, anti-LGBTQ agenda, and yet is writing poems for...), Varazda (a sword dancer and eunuch from Zash, another country in which Damiskos was once stationed and for which he harbors a deep affection), Varazda's "owner" Aristokles, and a few others. Quickly, Damiskos surmises that all is not as it seems--first, he foils an attempt on Varazda's life, and it becomes apparent that the relationship between Varazda and Aristokles may be a lie--in fact, they are conspiring to hide something far greater than the fact that Varazda is not actually a slave. Soon, Damiskos is teaming up with Varazda to solve a murder, then to avert a war and recapture Nione's villa from the philosophers. Oh, and falling in love.

Varazda is an interesting character. He (Damiskos's POV is the only one we get, and he uses male pronouns for him, although he says he thinks of himself as both male and female) was made a eunuch after his father lost a military engagement of some kind. He was then enslaved for a while, until he was sent to the Zashian embassy in Boukos, and then he was freed. This is obviously a major source of trauma, and Damiskos is in a unique place to appreciate that because of his time in Zash. As a result, Damiskos is extremely careful in their nascent relationship to let Varazda lead. Their relationship is very sweet in part because of this deference, and they deal with consent very well.

Key quote: (Varazda has been discussing how he doesn't always achieve an erection because of being a eunuch.)

Rather boldly, Damiskos said, "Want to see if we can make it happen again?" Varazda looked up in surprise. "What--right now?" "Yes, of course right now! Immortal gods. We're sitting on your bed, talking about how beautiful you are and whether or not you like sex--it's surprising I even need to say anything." "I am literally a eunuch, First Spear." After that they were both laughing...

As you might have guessed from the summary above, this is a world in which there is violence, homophobia/transphobia, and slavery, including sexual slavery. Women have some rights to own property, but they aren't voting citizens. The implication, reading between the lines, is that in the world generally, same-sex couples aren't too uncommon, and it's just Eurydemos's students who have a problem with them. (Eurydemos and his students reminded me a bit of Socrates and Plato, but of course Plato doesn't care that much about same-sex relationships, c.f. that one story from Symposium that got turned into a song from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. But I've been privileged to hear some angry Jesse rants about Plato since doing the podcast, and it reminded me of that. Anyway, as Plato says a lot, philosophers with bad opinions were a dime a dozen back in Athens, so.) Also, warning for explicit on-page sex.

*: Is Varazda nonbinary or is he gender fluid? I don't know. At one point, he says, "I never really think of myself as a man, but most of the time I'm quite happy for other people to think of me that way." Elsewhere, he implies that he doesn't want to be neither male or female, so he tries to be both. Maybe genderfluid is a better word for him. Maybe he can't articulate exactly how he feels, because he's not speaking to Damiskos in his first language, or because there isn't a word for how he feels. Either way, I enjoyed the way the character was portrayed.

That's it. Lots of action/plot, a good amount of romance, very engaging, love the setting. 10/10, go read it.

#pride #queer books #thirty days of books #lgbtq books #book review #queer fiction #lgbtq fiction #novel #aj demas #sword dance #alternative history #greek-adjacent #disability rep #nonbinary romance

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maybe-drawing · 1 year

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Inktober 2022: A reflection

This year I did Luna ‘s (who is an amazing artist!! Check them out on Twitter!!) Inktober. Spoiler, I did not do all the days as I got sick halfway through and then just stopped lol. However, it was remarkable good practice and I learned a lot! One might say you can see me improving 👀 It gets better, promise!

Here the full prompt list:

by https://twitter.com/LunaIsAnArtist

1. Sprout

yes this is bdubs fanart, (I’ll do a separate post with the fandom one and tag them there) Also learned about gradient maps!

2. Ladder

I cannot for the life of me figure out how to render stone, and it really shows

3. Glory

I do not dislike this one, however Clip Studio Paint's weird artistic render line feature really stole the show here lol

4. Investigation

Played with gradient maps again. The color is sure something!

5. Rosemary

At this point, I was wondering if a completely lineless painting style was something I even like? And honestly it has its appeals, and I think ill keep playing with it, but I missed having lines.

6. Home

Them <3 @liebesamateur

7. Boots

I love this little buddy!! Look at them!! Lovely!! Also this was when I decided to return to a more painterly lined look for my art again :D

8. Voice

This is one of my absolute favorites!!! The light hello???? also the tiny pumpkin on the hat :D

9. Fragment

Did a study of a lemon and went you know what would be fucked up

10. Ranunculus

this looks so much better than it has any right to!! Indie game vibes hello?!?

11. Moss

Bdubs fanart again, but look at him, he's just a little guy! Very much based on countless designs I’ve seen all over. (if you know the OG lemme know) Certified creature.

12. Worth

I don't like this one... The concept is there, but the execution is sloppy and kinda off-putting. The only thing I kinda like it the blood at the very top opening.

13. Float

I love this very much not anatomically correct baby!!!

14. Poppies

I mean long arms!

15. Zodiac

I’m torn bc on one hand the background is stunning, I love the colors. On the other hand, this would have looked too much better lineless, and the lens sky reflection is just lazy and doesn't fit with the rest of the style.

16. Evolution

GHOST CRAB!! I downloaded some new brushes, and it was just sooo much fun.

17. Meadow

I really like everything except the “flowers”. The clouds and background/foundation is solid, but the weird flower brush is too sharp and it just doesn't work. Also, the colors of the flowers are supposed to be in shade and idk man

18. Examination

Now this one could make more sense, like perspective wise and the highlights are a bit wack. However, it's really cool and I like it a lot. The bluish tint for the glass, the goldish bronze, the background yes!!

19. Reflection

The poses for this kept just not working out. I couldn't get the angles, nothing made sense, so I made them silhouettes! And it works nicely. I like this one. I am kinda starting to overuse that background contrast thingy, but it's fiiiiiinnnne. Also, the curtain??? The red pops so well hello, its just bam, and it deserves to do that.

20. Bullet

It's a bullet train! Get it? Anyway, I really like the burn effect for this one and I wanted to make it a spooky train. One thing I'd improve is how the likes are fading into the smoke, it doesn't look quite right.

22. Bones

This is kinda my burnout point and it shows. The line thickness is all over the place, I didn't work on this very much and just slapped some things on there and put it up. I'd love to draw a proper pile of bones someday, but this wasn't it.

23. Mutation

I do kinda like this one, and I don't have any major complaints. I just remember not really feeling doing Art™ at that time.

29. Wyvern

I sketched this the next day and was so normal about it. Idk if this is really a Wyvern, but it looks cool! I really like the frame and breaking it. It gives a nice break and depth!

#Freddy draws #inktober #inktober 2022 #lunatober 2022 #overall i really had fun #even with the stress of getting very sick and traveling for 2 days straight after recovery #and then walking through a river for 4 hours for class #absolute insane experience I tell you #crossed 3 states in under 24 hours #beware long post #tw blood #tw organs #tw body horror #tw eye horror #tw bones #tw skeleton #my art #original art

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great-british-soap-off · 2 years

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I've ranted about this many times to friends in person and on other social media. They're all tired of hearing about it so, to my small group of followers who are primarily strangers, let's remember: all content is not created for children.

John Wolfe just released a lovely video about age-restriction flags on YouTube and how that effects creators there. In summary, that video is about how creators who play horror games are experiencing a lot of struggle as videos deemed "too gruesome" or of heavy subject matter are getting flagged, demonetized, and hidden within the algorithm. These algorithms are subject of a totally different rant that we all know so I'll forgo it for the most part.

The thing that I constantly fear and rant about is not just the restrictions this puts on people creatively but the amount of censorship needed to get appease these companies while undermining the people who struggle with certain topics. Trigger warnings are so incredibly important and always appreciated by people who need them for whatever topic. However, ironically, we lose our ability to make trigger warnings whenever the words themself get the media flagged. The term "sexual assault" got flagged so then you had to say "SA" and that has since been flagged. While Tik Tok is the extreme example, I've heard that voiceover only refer to "sex" as "having fun." (Not always the case). People who need to block and filter out these triggers become unable to since the online term is constantly changing. I'm also witnessing language simply about bad things, which do not directly correlate to crimes, get censored to appease these algorithms. Words like Murder, Violence, Stab, Kill, Hurt, etc. or any language referring to both the anatomical term or slang of certain organs. I've seen YouTubers have the blur out clips of people smoking or images of fake blood. Language referring to self-harm, drug abuse, or violence, regardless of context. This is hard for people like me who have struggled from heavy topics like those and find solace while listening to others who have shared similar struggles and share their stories of grief, struggle, and recovery on these platforms.

Obviously, these companies and their algorithms don't like anything about these topics. If your content requires a trigger warning, swears too much, has violent visuals, or whatever else then it is no longer deemed advertiser friendly; so they say at least. Go see an R-Rated sex comedy in theaters, it will be full of misogyny and every -ism in the book. You'll still see a bunch of companies proudly advertising before your movie. This is the internet, almost anything and everything is accessible. Attempting to host media which is safe for anyone's viewing is impossible and also immoral. While a touch irrational, a friend of mine and I always worry that these required censorships will push us back to a state of "puritan-esque" society where we simply do not talk about or show darker topics, but I digress.

When we think of the kids, I always reflect on something writer/director John Waters said in This Filthy World (2006) when he heared about a kid not being allowed to check a book out of a library because he was called too young for the content. I could be misquoting but it was something along the lines of, "If they are old enough to know about it then they're old enough to read it." With the internet especially, kids have access to the most disgusting and vile media. We all remember being 12 and what we accidentally stumbled upon or having our friends, sometimes quite rudely and unwarranted, showing us the most fucked up stuff that they could find. Happily though, we've progressed as a society with trigger warnings and with general teachings of what people could be sensitive too. It makes sense for places like YouTube to not host pronography, they're not a service that hosts porn. It makes sense for FaceBook to not want someone to share images of self harm as what people see on their homepage is effectively randomized and those images are sensitive and of real violence. Their terms of service and regulations are important to stop people from posting sincerly whatever they want visually, but I'll get into that more later. Where it comes into thinking about what the children can see and hear, we begin to lose resources of education. A kid who is lucky enough to have no clue what sexual assault is can learn through media. Hopefully it's responsible media that treats it as a heinous act but maybe they see it in a mini-series online or hear their favorite YouTuber's story and can learn about the physical and emotional impact which that brings. And then they can go ask questions and learn more. Maybe a kid has a family member who struggles with drug addiction and that free short film they found can help them learn about what their family is going through and even offer/research ways to help. Maybe someone is struggling with their mental well-being. Theyre having suicidal thoughts and don't know who to reach out to so they make a post on Facebook about where their head is at while asking for resources to help them through their struggle. Their post goes up but gets virtually erased since no one will see it unless they go straight to the original posters page. People can't learn and can't get proper resources with algorithms and company policies like this.

I guess what I'm getting at is that, strict censorship rules damage narratives in story or film, damage content of video creators, erase the stories of victims, and only move us backwards societally. Trigger Warnings are both responsible and perfectly sufficient when sharing content.

#rant #I'll make a personal account next time

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madamlaydebug · 4 years

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Blessed Love and Happy

Black History Year, Africans!

Today I share my next

installment of the African Creation

Story by way of ancient Kemet.

The subject is THE ALL SEEING

EYE OF HORUS (HERU). Though

society has got us believing

that the Eye of Horus is

demonic, NOTHING COULD

BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.

The actual facts, as I

document visually here - is

that the Eye of Heru (Horus)

is actually the PHYSICAL

LOCATION OF THE SOUL

within the Hue-man

body; called the Pineal gland.

This gland secretes the

necessary hormones and

chemicals to allow us to tune in

to the higher vibrations of the

Universe as one of the symbols

related to the Eye of Ra is the

point within the circle. As i have

posted earlier in this series,

the pole star or center of the

earths rotation around the sun

in the Great Year (heavenly cycle

of 25,920 years) is called the

Eye of Ra. But in addition to the

astronomical significance is

also a spiritual one - meaning

the universe has everything

we need to achieve our highest

potential; if you simply learn

how to acquire them. So WE

ARE THE POINT within the

circle of the universe, and

unlimited potential and possibility

awaits us - if we know how

to access it.

Our ancient ancestors were

the first spiritual scientists on the

planet, and one of the earliest

mysteries they solved was

discovering exactly where the

soul (the KA), was located in

the body. The pineal gland is

named so because, although it

is about as small as a grain of

rice - it looks very much like

a pine cone, which when

green looks to be covered

with little eyes. The pineal

gland is also located in the

mid-brain (see illustration)

and as such helps to facilitate

the union or synchrony of the

2 hemispheres of the brain -

which is the goal of true

education and spiritual

practice. More importantly,

however - the pine cone

grows according to a

mathematical SPIRAL pattern

called a fractal, or as may be

better known to some; the

Fibonacci sequence or

Golden mean. For those not

familiar with the term - lets

just say it grows at a

consistent ratio out FROM

CENTER and puts on its

growth in a spiral - just like

a sea shell or rose petals.

But the pine cone grows this

pattern IN TWO DIRECTIONS

simultaneously. Because the

pineal gland helps to facilitate

the bodies use and reception

of light and its reflections from

the two hemispheres of the

brain, the dual intertwined but

opposing spirals of the pine

cone came to symbolize SPIRI-

TUAL enlightenment or

Christhood. This is why the

scepter of Ausar, later called

caduceus, had the pine cone

on top (symbolizing the pineal

gland) wings (representing the

hemispheres of the brain in

perfect balance), and spiraling

serpents (DNA) that represented

the union of spirit and flesh,

and other dual qualities within

nature as well as our being.

This is why we see other

cultures using the pine cone

as well, such as the Sumerians -

and of course the Pope of Rome,

as the Romans stole every

thing from Kemet - other than

the spiritual teachings which

they could not embody. So

we see the staff the Popes

carry has the pine cone on

it beneath the cross on top.

The seal of the authority of

these United Snakes of America

is the coin on the one dollar bill -

and yes it is a coin. The only REAL

CURRENCY is gold, silver - or

something with intrinsic value

that cannot be regulated or

changed like paper money -

which IS NOT MONEY BUT

DEBT. You can actually fold it

a paper dollar is half and hold

it up to the light and see that the

pyramid and the wings of the

eagle unite to form what most

call the Star of David - but what

is actually a stylized symbol for

eternal life - as the downward

facing pyramid is the womb

and the upright one is the male.

We all should know by now that

the union of the two produce life, lol.

Spiritual life among the living,

however is determined by the

pineal gland, which is also

called the third eye. Although

it as very small and centered

between the eyes and in the

middle of the head - the third

eye when examined or cut

open, is made of the same

kind of material as the 2 eyes

on the outside of the head.

This center of the head

location is why the spiritual

masters of Kemet had the

headress with the vulture

and the serpent on it. The

serpent is symbolic of the

spine and cerebral cortex

that are the support of the

human body as well as the

command center and

pineal gland. For this reason

as well, people from India

who are initiated - mark the

center of the forehead as

the spiritual center of the body.

In India they call this mark

a Bindi. I have researched

this subject for quite some

time and have attached

visual documentation not

of the theory that the All

Seeing Eye is part of the

human body, but it is shown

in the image that the stylized

representation of the Eye of

Heru is almost EXACTLY LIKE

the mid brain of the human head.

Please note the stylized version

of the left, and an actual slicing

of the mid-brain of a human

being on the right. Don't they

look almost exactly alike?

Also notice (on the left) the

anatomically correct side

view of a head with the

cerebral cortex defined and

how the Eye of Heru (Horus)

matches it perfectly. In addition

to this amazingly accurate

symbol of the mid-brain of

humanity, the lines and

shapes used to make up

the stylized Eye of Heru;

also teach the six functions

of the brain itself as shown

in the top left corner. They

also correspond the units of

measurement as expressed

in fractions. To the bottom

we see that even the Divine

design of the brain reflects

the sacred spiral that some

call nine ether, or the perfect

proportions of creation. Is it

not amazing that such a

simple image like the stylized

Eye of Heru could teach brain anatomy, mathematics, brain

function, self knowledge and

other things simultaneously?

This Divine mathematical

sequence, as exhibited in the

seashell and its spirals - was

also the foundation of the

structure of the Great pyramid

and is reflected or related to Pi.

I have included some Bible texts

that show this information was

encoded there as well in more

than one place; while the last

text shows the God of the Bible

in Divine manifestation as the

Sun - in Caps. This important

because the God of the Bible

is based on the teachings

expressed here in this expose &

IS A SOLAR MANIFESTATION

OF GOD; just like Heru. This solar

nature and symbolism in scripture

is why the Christ can "walk on

water" like the sun does, why he,

like Heru; was "the light of the

world", and the "bright and

morning star" as well. Even

deeper than that is the sun and

the twelve zodiacs (divisions of

heaven) it travels thru - it is this

celestial cycle (spiral) that gives

us Jesus and the 12 disciples

(disciplines), Jacob and his 12

children, who later become

Israel and the 12 tribes. This

is also why the statement in

scripture of "in my Fathers

house are many mansions"

makes no real sense until you

understand the relationship

of the cosmos to SPIRI-tual

things - for do not the cosmos /

planets / blood in the veins, etc

SPIRAL? I always used to say

"not even a single mansion

can fit into a lil house; how

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