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kincringeemporium · 7 years

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"How Do I Stop Being Kin!?”: A Helpful Guide (Long Post)

so... yup. tumblr ate some of my archive, including one of my most important posts: a list of steps on how to distance yourself from the kin community. as there’s no way (that i know of) to get that post back... here’s this!

how to use the guide: all complaints/problems that kin frequently send when they don’t want to be kin anymore? those are in large bold. each complaint has a list of steps on how to solve it; the steps (my responses) are just in the normal font. don’t see what you need? send an ask saying you want to see it in a part 2!

“I don’t want to be kin with (x) anymore!”

okay! this one centers mostly around keeping lists. and as i said to the most recent anon, the first step toward stopping is wanting to stop.

1. get two separate sheets of paper (or start digital documents you can print later). on one, write “(Your Name) List”. on the other, write “(Kintype Name) List.”

2. fill the YN List first. write down every one of your own traits that you can name. they can relate to appearance, gender, hobbies/interests, mental health, neurodiversity, hopes and aspirations, etc. these do not all have to be good things. try to have a 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 balance of good, bad, and neutral traits. (an example of a bad trait/habit is “nail biting”, because that’s harmful. not “brown hair”. if you don’t like your hair color put “brown hair” down as a neutral trait. it’s not bad, you just want a different color.)

3. fill the KN (kintype name) list next. do not use “i”, “we”, “myself”, in this list becase it’s not about you.

• if it’s a fictional character, write down facts relating to the character’s creation. who’s the author/designer/creator? what year was the source released? what type of media is the source -- a fantasy book, a video game, a movie? emphasize that the character is fictional, not real (add ��in this universe’ if you believe in the multiverse theory) and cannot be reincarnated.

• if it’s an animal, write down all of its behaviors: does it eat meat? what sounds does it make? is it dangerous or not? now, if you believe in reincarnation, it’s way more plausible that animals can be reincarnated and their next lives can be as humans. emphasize that even if you were the animal in a past life, you are a human now -- it is not healthy to think you literally still are the animal and/or to behave like it.

• if it’s a part of nature, like a star or a tree, write down all the facts about it that you know and emphasize that it is not sentient, it doesn’t have a soul, and it cannot make choices or be reincarnated.

keep the lists with you (as a physical copy/paper).

4. tell yourself that it’s okay to like the character, animal, or thing, it’s okay to feel that it represents part of who you are. it’s okay to feel comforted by it when you’ve had a shitty day or you’re in a bad mood. feeling these things does not automatically make you kin. write these down on a small piece of paper and keep the paper with you.

5. even though it is okay to like the character/animal/thing, slowly start avoiding content that includes it. if you are trying to stop being fictionkin, do not watch the source. stay away from fanfic, pictures, etc, that make you have strong emotions about it.

6. if you ever are feeling guilty about something your kintype did (and this applies mostly to villain kin), you are projecting. whether you’re feeling guilty about your own mistakes without realizing, or you want the chance to fix something/apologize, you are projecting. if you are acting out what you really, really want the villain to do -- ie, you relate to them strongly but they’re not repentant and you want them to be... rp. start a roleplay blog, write a redemption au. look back at your lists again.

• if it’s not a villain, but you’re feeling guilty about something bad your kintype did, still do a bit of rp and keep looking back at those lists!

7. whenever you have “kinfeels” or “kin memories”, look at your YN and KN lists. read them to remind yourself that you are not the same person as the character, not the same being as the animal, and not something inanimate.

8. try new things and (now i’m not saying this to be a bitch) go outside. i mean it. vitamin d is good for you. you don’t have to exercise, but if you are able to, go for it. visit the library, the park, a coffee shop, the mall, anywhere. test out new hobbies, like

• writing fiction (could be about the character/animal/thing, if this is how you maintain a connection with it while not identifying as it)

• traditional drawing

• digital drawing

• sewing, knitting, or crochet

• writing movie critiques/analyses

• jewelry making

• making non-kin-related selfcare

• sports

“I want to get out of the community, but I’m not ready to let go of my kintypes!”

so you’re not ready? okay. this is still your first step. you will fuck yourself over badly if you push yourself to 100% stop being kin before you can function without it. this is true in situations like abusive households or trauma: if you pretend that you’re someone else who’s never had to deal with those things, you are using escapism to let off stress and unwind.

1. change your blog theme. i know it sounds dumb and unrelated. however, having a visual change will make you more inclined to change other things -- and it will start to tell other people in the community that you are able to change.

2. update your about, kin page, and byf. take things like “don’t follow if you don’t see me as (kintype)”, “no doubles”, and kin-related discourse out of those pages. anything that typically appears in kin cringe comps? take it out. (look through my blog for example of typical cringe comp material.)

• don’t say “literally me”, “100% me”, “ID” about the kintypes you list.

• instead of having separate sections for “primary”, “secondary”, “tertiary”, things like that... just say “kintypes” once and list them/insert their pictures.

• do NOT link to others’ blogs saying “this person is my (canonmate name)!” or “i found my (important canonmate)!

• whatever your stance on ace discourse... take that out of your pages. i have no idea why, but the kin community is fucking overrun with people thinking that aces/aros aren’t lgbtq+. removing this discourse from your blog will remove you from another common kin community behavior. (it’s totally okay to post ace/aro positivity, but don’t involve yourself in heavy discourse and don’t put “Aces/aros are/aren’t lgbtq!” on your about/kinpage/byf.)

3. if you list kin friends or kin blogs on one of your pages, consider taking out the links and just describing the friends/blogs. this will distance your blog from the network of kin on here.

4. instead of requesting “kintype selfcare/positivity” from those kin resource blogs:

• reblog aesthetics that remind you of the kintypes, but is not labeled as “(kintype) aesthetic”.

• make some aesthetics yourself based on the kintypes. if you’re tagging, then just use general tags (ie, “kin”, “otherkin”, or “fictionkin”), not specifically the character’s name or the type of animal you identify with.

• write positive affirmations for yourself, such as “i got enough sleep so this will be a better day!” or “i didn’t lie in bed all day so i feel motivated!” or “i ate something healthy instead of junk food!”

• if you’re writing affirmations specifically about a kintype, don’t refer to the kintype using “i” or “we”. instead, write “(character) tries their best to fix wrongdoings, so i will too!” or “(character) makes an effort to overcome anxiety, so i’m going to try harder too!” or “(animal) isn’t inherently bad/gross; it’s trying to survive like me!”

• basically, when writing positivity/affirmations, pick a trait that the kintype has that you want to have too. don’t just say “i have this trait because i am (kintype)!”

• sorry not sorry, but the overwhelming majority of the positivity on those blogs is useless. it might make you feel better for a couple minutes, but it’s superficial. even if the person running the blog genuinely wants people to feel better, they are still operating under the obligation to give positivity.

it is not as genuine as it should be. the person doesn’t know who you are, and they might not know a lot about the kintype. the positivity from those blogs is generic, ie, “even if you’ve done some bad things, you’re not a bad person!” You need specifics, which only you can come up with -- because only you know yourself. when something is vague or general, we think deep down that it’s not true. (btw, that’s the same psychology behind the “sounds fake but okay” meme.)

5. if your mutuals get into kin drama, or if you see kin drama on your dash, stay out of it. it does not matter right now if these people are your best friends in the world, because once the drama dies down, your url is still all over those posts. even if the people who started the drama delete the posts, other people have everything saved. the things you said in anger or anxiety or whatever are still on tumblr. and tumblr has an extremely difficult time recognizing that what someone said three months ago doesn’t define what they say now.

6. unfollow people who have ‘typical cringe comp material’ on their pages and/or people who frequently are involved in drama.

• if they have “ask to unfollow” on their pages, unfollow anyway. if they harass you about it, block them (and maybe report for... violating community guidelines. or harassment). DON’T PUT THIS ON YOUR PAGES. EVER. FOLLOWING YOU IS NOT A CHORE. MAKING PEOPLE ASK PERMISSION TO UNFOLLOW YOU CAN CAUSE THEM HUGE AMOUNTS OF ANXIETY. IT’S SHITTY AND ENTITLED. DON’T DO IT.

7. if you’re going to send hate to antis, i can’t stop you, but for fuck’s sake, do that on anon. (”what!?” you say as you read this post. “but don’t antis think anon hate is cowardly!?”) you just don’t want to be known as someone active enough in the community to send off-anon shit.

8. if i have or another anti/cringe blog has screenshotted your post/page, ask for it to be removed. no promises that other blogs will remove your stuff, but here on kce and over at @only-on-tomblr, we will. having your content up on popular cringe blogs can definitely get you recognized among the community, and you don’t want that.

“I don’t want to rely so hard on being kin -- I want kin to be a casual thing!”

1. first off, follow the “i want to get out of the community” list. you don’t have to stop identifying as kin, you just need to distance yourself from that network of over the top, hardcore kin people.

2. recognize that kin is your coping mechanism. it is okay to use escapism (that’s what kin is tbh) to cope. it is okay to step away from reality, unwind, then go back to reality after a few hours of doing kin stuff/rp.

3. recognize that any coping mechanism is going to be harmful when you take it too far. when it goes too far, it becomes an obsession. (because i am sure someone’s going to say this, i’m not dragging special interests. those are not the same as coping mechanisms gone wrong and this post does not relate to special interests.)

4. guess what? you don’t need just one coping mechanism. and because you’re not completely dropping the kintypes, you need to focus your kin-related energy into a creative outlet. what i mean by that is... write about them. draw pictures of them. do commissions, even for people who have the same kintype. not to mention, if you write about/draw them a lot, you are getting so much better at those skills.

5. optional: it would also help to make lists of your traits and the kintypes’ traits, like in the first section of this post.

6. as with the other sections, do not refer to the kintypes as “myself”/”i”.

that’s about it

Other things you can do

• write a brief analysis of an episode, movie, chapter, etc in which the character/kintype appears. what does the person/being do and why? how do their actions result in the episode/chapter/game/movie ending? how do other characters react to it? and how is this different from what you would do, right now, if you were in the same situation? (obviously no one has to see it, so doesn’t matter if it sucks)

• interact with people who have the same kintype so you can become more comfortable with “doubles” and thus be less intense about being kin

• when you’re watching/reading/playing/listening to new media (’source’), and you begin to have “kinfeels” for someone, step back. put the book down. pause the show or podcast. remind yourself that this is fiction. even if the multiverse does exist, your kintype cannot cross between universes and ‘be’ you. you are most likely projecting onto the character or you are inspired to create a similar character/oc.

• aaand.... here it comes... oh god. oh no. limit your time on tumblr. do not spend all day on this forsaken hellsite.

Things to absolutely NOT do

• post anything like “why did the author put me/kintype in a relationship with a girl!? i’m gay!” all that does is imply that you think you have some kind of ownership over someone else’s character. it makes you look like you want everything to go your way -- and not everything can. i am not saying that to be a jerk.

• ask people to unfollow you. as i said before (now, i don’t have anxiety so this isn’t from firsthand experience), do you have any idea how much anxiety that causes people? and how shitty a thing it is to do?

• harass someone over being a double

• tell them to unfollow/stop interacting because they are a double

• compare being kin to being trans or nonbinary. for fuck’s sake. there’s no such thing as a “kingender”.

- even if your kintype was female in ‘your source’, but wasn’t female in canon... that does not mean you are trans and it does not mean the kintype is trans.

- even if you are trans yourself, it has absolutely nothing to do with you identifying as kin. they are not related. you are a trans person who also happens to be kin.

- things like “canidgender: a gender that feels tough and ready to defend, a gender that makes you feel alert, a gender that....” are not real. gender is not an emotion. besides, these descriptions have nothing to do with gender.

• say that you have dysphoria about your kintype. again, if you have dysphoria, it’s because you are transgender/nonbinary. you do not have “species dysphoria” about your astral ears. just because it’s listed on google with a definition does not mean it’s legit.

• use ‘kin pronouns’ like glitch/glitchs/glitchself. ne/nes/neself. star/stars/starself. it/its. the very concept of kin pronouns suggests that gender is automatically tied to kin. it’s not. and you are not an object.

• send people hate or get into discourse about headcanons involving your kintype

• tag art as “me” or “kin” or “id”. even if the artist says it’s okay, avoiding this is another way to distance yourself from a harmful community. if you need/want to keep a tagging system, just tag it with the character’s name or the type of animal.

• tell someone that they are “your (important canonmate).

• especially do not tell someone that your characters dated and that you must begin a romantic relationship because of that!

• insist that someone just has to remember something that you remember! here’s an appropriate exchange on this.

you: “do you remember when our kintypes had that huge fight, then made up and dated for a few months? we drifted apart and stopped dating.”

them: “no... i recall something different.”

you: “oh. well, that’s okay!”

comments i just know i’m going to get (they’re useless. don’t post them and don’t send them to me)

• you’re policing our identities!

•you can’t dictate how we cope!

• you can’t take away our fun!

• how would you know how this stuff works? you’re not kin!

• ableist!

• go do something productive!

• i don’t care. i’m doing these things anyway!

-k

#long post #very long post #not cringe #kin #otherkin #fictionkin #fickin #kin help #kin stuff #antikin #kincringeemporium #kce #refs #resources #guide #resource #mental health #mental help #coping

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mycraftylittlestitches · 5 years

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Wow, this is awkward and boy, oh boy am I crap?! I mean seriously. It’s been another month that has made me wonder if the God’s are after driving me down into the path of insanity. Thankfully my health is on the mend but now comes the mammoth task of catching up with all my jobs. I’ve sent a car full of bags and boxes of unneeded bits and bobs to the charity shop, I’ve done the little fiddly jobs that somehow I never have time for in-between going to my day job and taking care of the girls.

I’ve spent as much time as possible playing and cuddling my girls and attempted to at least squeeze in one blog post a week. I had so many ambitious ideas but perhaps I should tone them down for now. Family first, followed by life in general then my blog. In that order. I am however hopeful that now I am almost back on track with my priorities, I can start REALLY sinking my teeth into my fun little hobby.

Toddle was ‘helping’ me write a review…. Review FINALLY nealy done. just proof read and post! Next few days…

Now for the embarrassing bit of looking at last month’s aims. Spoiler alert: not much got done! Oh well, sometimes you can only do what you can do… Or in my case, what my body will allow me to do.

Blog: Write at least two blog posts a week, ideally three. One recipe and maybe two miscellaneous; that will probably be parenting/ crafting/ review related. I have at the very least managed some recipes. Wooo! I’m not entirely sure if it counts if I was cooking anyway but at least some content popped up on my site and made it seem like perhaps I had some kind of plan of action. Some other posts happened and I have six almost ready to go posts but sadly life always takes priority so they haven’t yet made the final cut.

Finish at least two more crochet tutorials, including video. I won’t be posting them up until I have at least ten ready, then it will be a weekly event, posted on a Sunday for your viewing pleasure. Ready yourself for the broad Northern English accent. Nope. Sorry. Not even finished one but have scripted it so that kind of counts right? Right? Set up my YouTube account and make it look both pretty and functional. Only one video on there so far… Sigh….. Not even uploaded my logo on to it yet…

One crochet pattern typed up and posted with photos. I have an idea for a lacy scarf. We shall see if it pans out the way that I hope it will. Halfway there with this one but sadly I have managed to lose my 5mm crochet hook but when my new one arrives I can complete this project and delight a toddler with a new hat and matching scarf set.

Hit 300 followers on my Facebook page. Close but no cigar. I’m not great on Facebook but if you want to assist me on my way to the noble goal of 300 followers then here is the link. Thank you, much appreciated!

Spend at least 10 hours a week creating content and write at least 500 words a day. Barely had time this month to manage 2 hours a week but going to try to make a few more happen soon. Health and kids depending!

Get an honest update and new set of aims ready for the first of October. Sooooo……. We are still in October so it kinda counts right? Right…?

Flowers to brighten my week.

Peek a boo!

Real life Start learning how to draw. I doodled a stick person and a house to try to explain to concept of Santa to a toddler. I’m going to count it as practice and a good step towards my goal of decent scribbles. It’s not delusional if I know I’m kidding myself.

Spend more time playing with the girls. I have accomplished this. This was my primary parenting goal because I always seem to get so caught up with work and getting things done I sometimes don’t slow down enough to show my girls that they are my world. Last month I made sure to spend as much time as possible down on their level, playing with blocks, Duplo, reading, singing and whatever other games took our fancy. It’s been wonderful and I’ve STILL managed to get my house back to rights after a few months of epilepsy madness. Double win.

I know that they were never exactly starved of attention and I always took plenty of time out of my day for them but I feel I have a much better balance now that I am allowing myself to occasionally drop the ball in less important areas of life. Happier girlies and happier mummy. Still, need to work on this a bit more but it takes time to break the habits of a lifetime.

Try and prevent days of low mood. Mostly a success. Lots of cappuccinos in cafés and playtime with the girls. It’s so easy to feel down when your disabilities are acting up but I have tried very hard to boost myself up. Yes, I feel like a failure sometimes and yes, I wish I could do all the things that other people can do but at the end of the day, I am quite lucky. I can walk with the use of a stick or whatever else to lean on. I can manage to mostly take care of myself and the girls. Can’t bathe myself or them without my partner at home because of epilepsy but that’s a small price to pay for their’s and my own’s safety. I have had low days but I am feeling a lot more optimistic in recent weeks. All things considered, I’m doing great!

My girls after an Autumn walk. 50% chance of naps.

Read at least one book a fortnight. Hahahahaha. I’ve read some of ‘Free’ by Fiona Morgan and that was some quite pleasant hours snatched here and there for my own relaxation. I’d forgotten how much I love a good book and three seconds without the human monster trucks climbing all over me. Ahhhh, bliss!

Give up caffeinated coffee. Tea can stay for now. I’m down to 2/6 cups of caffeinated coffee a day and a mug of tea. For me, that’s practically cold turkey. The headaches have been interesting but I have been dealing with epileptic headaches anyway so you know… Might as well do both!

Cut right back on the sugar and eat less junk food. Pizza, I’m looking at you (while drooling). One fake away a month is allowed now. My thighs will thank me later even if my PMS is growling menacingly and threatening death and destruction on all who come near without some kind of sweet or carby offering to tame the beast. Poor Partner…

Find a better work/ blog/ family balance which benefits me, my daughters and my partner. I love them so much! Progress is happening but it’s a tricky one to balance. I’m a bit rubbish at organising myself so this was always going to be a challenge. My girls are getting more attention and are loving it so there’s that, at the very least.

Talk more openly about my emotions. Errrrm, No. Too hard.

Tell myself five things that make me great every morning and another five that make me so very lucky. I have been trying to spin a positive light on most things but I’m quite a negative person so my brain likes adding ‘but’ after each sentence. It’s slowly being trained out of it but I think that this will take plenty of time.. I will keep you all posted on how I get on. Here’s hoping for a fantastic and productive month.

New aims to keep me going until the start of December:

Blog:

Finally, catch up on my workload after the past few months of being ill. I’m getting there slowly but honestly, it’s getting embarrassing!

Sort out all of my social media accounts. Update Facebook and make it look nicer. Get my Instagram up and running and get at least a small following. Ditto on my YouTube and finally reach 10,000 followers on my Twitter.

Have a consistent blog schedule that includes 2-3 posts a week and some social media updates.

Look into going self-hosted so that I have more control over my site design and what I can include.

Have fun!

Life:

Keep calm and happy.

Spend plenty of time with my girls.

Find a good work/ life balance.

Get Xmas sorted!

That’s about it if I’m honest.

Sorry for being away so much this month, thanks for reading and have a fantastic Halloween! If you have enjoyed my post, then please consider following me on: Twitter Instagram and Facebook

October's plans and updates. #Plans #blog #blogging #family #abitlate Wow, this is awkward and boy, oh boy am I crap?! I mean seriously. It's been another month that has made me wonder if the God's are after driving me down into the path of insanity.

#blog #children #Family #happy #lifestyle #parenting #parents #personal #photos #Recipes #truth #work

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