#I also. lost my fucking septum somehow
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one thing about me is i may get fucked up
#.txt#my friend keeps telling me shit I did luckily it's stuff like saying bro bro bro I gotta text my mum I got home safe. before going to sleep#and being force fed fucking STICKY BBQ WINGS FLAVOURED CHIPS. <- I do not know how I let him put that shit anywhere near my mouth.#I also. lost my fucking septum somehow
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Tusks and Training
Aka- the promised bad-ass-Orc-warrior-woman-sneeze fic. xD
You might know Azra from her previous story: https://livayl.tumblr.com/post/189575537427/tusks-and-comfort
But you don´t need to read or know anything else to have fun with this one. :)
It starts out with a (hopefully gripping) fight that melts into an unexpectedly close combat. Which gets even more intimate when Arza feels irritated by the dust she´s covered in.
No injuries or real harm done to anybody but a mention of blood. Also they´re a little rough because Orcs.
Please only re-blog to other sneeze kink blogs, thank you! <3
The dry air smelled of fights, dust and sweat. Heavily underlined with the ever present scent of slick weapon oil and this distinct metallic odor of thoroughly forged weapons one could almost taste. All distilled under the cruel, burning blaze of midday sun which honed the orcish warriors even further.
It was a blood boiling, temper rousing blend and Azra loved every single nuance of it.
Reddish clouds of powder wafted through the flickering summer air. Stirred from the auburn colored sand that was only a fleeting carpet to the bone breaking floor of the vast arena. Plumes of dust wafted upwards by fluent motions and blistering winds. They richly stuck to every inch of exposed, sweaty skin and coated ones lungs with every inhale.
Though slightly rusty in shade by nature it´s color had deepened richly with spilled blood and broken dreams over the years. Decades that had added a lingering, potent iron perfume deeply associated with battle, triumph and painful disappointment.
Azra fluently dodged a sharp, vicious swing of her opponents ax and met it with her own only a heartbeat later. The ringing clash of steel split the air as both Orcs forcefully leaned into the motion before parting to resume their hazardous dance once more. Despite her supreme height and muscle mass Azra was known to be swift and deadly on her feet. But so was her adversary.
The two orcish soldiers stalked each other with predatory agility, clashing and parting in a rhythm so refined it was as beautiful as it could be deathly.
As a sudden gust of parching wind swept up a new billow of concealing, sense numbing sand Azra took her chance to dive beneath an already low aimed blow. She managed to quickly kick her opponents legs aside with enough force to make the massive Orc stagger and than roughly tackled him towards the floor.
She held him down with her whole body as her own ax came to rest right at his throat: The sharp, slightly curved blade did cut in just enough to draw a fine cut. A slowly withering stream of crimson trickled down his grayish, strongly muscled neck and spilled over the mirroring edge. Red beads glistered on the dangerously grounded weapon that had come to a steady rest despite Azras panting breath.
The attack had happened swift and with apparent ease but the female warriors body language spoke of an ongoing stress that had now lasted for several hard hours.
Her muscle cords were clearly visible and strained under a gleaming layer of sweat. More than a few droplets were running over the rugged, scarred and firm landscape that was her body. They sprinkled the sand and left countless round, fast vanishing dots that accompanied the fewer blossoming red ones. Her luscious mass of hair had come loose and now cascaded down- enveloping both fighters in it´s dark shroud.
"You give up?" She asked. Her voice as well as her expression stayed eerily emotionless and blank. Steady and adamant as her grip.
Still tightly trapped in her oppressive grasp the other Orc could feel her weight as well as every shallow gasp for air stroking his heated skin. Scattered, salty beads of sweat that had first trickled over her body now dabbled his own. Her rival swallowed forcefully against the blade. A motion that made his adam´s apple bounce and forced the narrow cut open a bit more. The gash felt seething hot in contrast to the cool ax.
Just about to yield he stopped as he noticed a subtle change in Azras facial features. He was trapped underneath the other warrior with her face hovering right above his own and had a perfect view:
Her nostrils, which had formerly merely pulsated in rhythm with her steadying breath, now started to crinkle open a lot further. They widened and flared backwards irritatingly- exposing her septum and it´s many glittering adornments. The layered, fine argent rings shook slightly as her nose crinkled with a wet sniff. He could see the swollen and damp inner membranes of each nostril with every opening motion.
Azras thick brows had drawn together deeply. A movement akin to frustration or anger that in truth must have been an answer to a fierce, unpleasant stimulation.
He watched as her former piercing gaze slowly lost it´s edge while her black lashes started to flutter erratically.
Against her will Azras mouth trembled slightly. Her upper lip curled back in a snarl that exposed a sharp row of fangs in addition to the already present tusks.
That unusual display left the fierce warrior open and more vulnerable than the other had ever been privileged to witness.
Now her breath started to quaver and deepen in an irregular pattern. Gasping deeply again for another reason than exhaustion. Stray wisps of hair danced around her chiseled and now grimaced face with each increasingly helpless hitch.
He felt each breath stroking and tickling his skin as her leather clad chest began to rise and fall with irregular rhythm as well.
Ready to be overcome by an urge entirely unfit for a fight.
In truth the whole build up had probably happened very fast. Yet to him every subtle and then obviously growing sign of irritation had been a precious first and thus seemingly extended and stretched time.
Both Orcs startled out of their shared stupor at the final, deep and voiced gasp that crested in a sudden and rushed sneeze:
"hhHH- HUHR-EIZSSSCH-ue!" Azra had tried to angle her head to the side but with their close contact it was impossible to spare him a rather different kind of baptism. He felt the fine mist coating his shoulder, neck and left cheek as well as the newly mounting urge to sneeze that made her body go rigid with anticipation.
The defeated warrior watched as Azras head titled back and her neck strained with another enormous inhale. He managed to get a last glimpse into teary red eyes before they tightly closed. The sneeze trembled at the cusps of release a moment longer, trapped her face in a longing grimace. Then it caused her head to snap aside in a motion similar to a whiplash with a harsh sounding, almost growled sound:
"HUHR-ERRSSCH-hah!" Again accompanied by a fine yet clearly visible cloud of spray and a full bodied shudder. Her hand had held his shoulder in an adamant grip before and now clenched deeply into him with barely suppressed force. He felt her claws pierce his flesh.
These small discomforts aside- the conquered warrior could not remember a recent time where he had been equally thankful for years of hard training and discipline. Despite being almost completely distracted and undone by that sudden tickle: Azras weapon, still deadly nestled against his throat, hadn't even flinched while the rest of her body shook.
It still pressed on firm as she recovered with some much needed sniffs. Then he felt the sharp edged pressure lift at once.
"Ugh.... Fuck. I´m sorry." She mumbled and fluently moved back to first melt into a crouch and then rub at her still deeply blushed, slightly runny nose. He could see Azras many piercings move and wiggle with the massaging motion that was accompanied by clearly audible sounds of wetness.
"Gesundheit. I assume the "sorry" is for nearly cutting open my throat?" He grumbled while sitting up- much less graceful but not really angry. Undeniably achy? Maybe.
"No. For sneezing on your face." Azra replied. Fully standing, almost towering above him now.
He could see her squint and twitch with leftover irritation as she extended a calloused hand to help him up.
His likewise rough, sweat slick skin met hers as she lifted him to an upright position as well. Again, the intimate and close contact lingered for longer than needed.
"Those are some strange priorities you've got there." He countered with a wry grin that exposed his own impressive set of teeth and painted friendly wrinkles around is dark blue eyes.
"Nooh- hhh- not really. Beheading is a common thing in fights and should be expected. Sneezing- iihhh-" She broke off and slightly turned to one side. He could see her profile beginning to contort with a beginning sneeze. Felt her shoulder brush against his own as her breath and grip on his hand tightened. And saw the annoyance as it left her with unfulfilled duty.
"... Sneezing isn't." Azra finished lamely, voice thick and speech dulled with congestion. She now used both hands to rub over her face and audibly swollen nose. And somehow managed to look cute and absolutely miserable at the same time.
"Are you unwell?" He asked, a tad bit worried now. The male Orc had not noticed any lapses or signs of weakness in their prolonged fight but knowing the other that did not mean much.
"Nu-huuh-...." Her breath hitched behind protectively raised hands and teased her palms with stuttering flutters."No... Ugh... Just itchy... Hhh-hold on-" Azra then explained before turning away from him completely.
He watched as her shoulders first tensed than rose and fell with another series of fruitless hitches that ended in a deeply vibrating, angry growl.
It was strangely exciting and endearing to witness her in such an uncommonly soft, control-less state.
Both had now completely forgotten about their fierce training and weapons bedded to rest in the grinding sand. Utterly distracted albeit for slightly different reasons.
He gently stroked sweat damp waves of midnight colored hair aside and kissed the soft parts of her shaved nape.
"Let´s go and wash that grime off." His lips mumbled against her skin- words more hummed than spoken. It made her shiver with pleasure as tingling goosebumps blossomed all over her back. She felt his fangs and protruding tusks lightly scratch her and would have enjoyed the soft tease if not for the much more demanding one buzzing inside her sinuses.
Azras mouth turned into a feral snarl with both rising need and kindled annoyance.
"Fuuh--fucking shit!" She cussed as the growing prickle spread once more and forced tears into her eyes.
It lingered for a few heartbeats, right on the verge of tripping from "almost" to "finally enough" only to draw back again- displaced by the surprisingly smooth lips against her neck.
"Hold on!" Azra almost snapped, more sincerely and completely in command this time.
"Sorry- I can´t focus on both. Wa-hhheh-haaiit a moment." She then added, speech already discordant but not unkind sounding. Arza halfway turned around and felt almost disappointed at the retreat of fondling and advance of... That cursed...Feeling...Right there.... Just a bit more...
He watched as her body shook in silent, gasping struggle and felt something not unlike curiosity. Even anticipation as she used an outstretched claw and hooked it in one of her septum rings. And definitely shock while witnessing her yanking said jewelry down almost brutally.
The harsh trigger caused an exploding stimulation, a mixture of exquisite tease and stinging pain. Azras eyes squeezed shut under desperately knitted brows right after while her mouth and nose opened for a deep inhale. She felt a building pressure rising through her lungs, straining her chest. Finally enough to fuel the much needed, throat scraping sneezes:
"Huuuhr-RRRSSCHooh!- HAH-ERSSSCHH-ue!- HUH-EIZSSCHhah!"
The finally released force had bent her almost in half while making her stumble slightly. Clearly audible throughout the whole arena, the rushed sneezes left both eyes and nose damp and her head finally cleared. Albeit more than a bit dizzy. She absent minded rubbed the space between her breast where a not uncomfortable pang still echoed the previous outbursts.
"Huh.... Finally..." Azras almost moaned relieve was accompanied by a good humored chuckle and rewarded with a hard, passionate kiss.
Now she would have much more attention left to revel in her victory as well as in the surely following and very eagerly presented prize.
#my fic#my oc#Azra#Orc#female#monstersnz#sneeze#sneezing#dust#I had a lot of fun writing this#hope you´ll like it! :)#formatting was mean again- hope that doesn´t show x.X
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All 65 ho! 😤
1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?
I mean I guess kind of sometimes? As someone with ADHD, object permanence is a big thing so if I don't see you, you aren't real xD
2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?
Um, it varies, actually. Generally speaking, I'm not afraid. But sometimes I have lots of nightmares and the darkness is awful and I will deadass sleep with the light on. Also while I'm not afraid, if I hear sounds, I am terrified xD
3. The person you would never want to meet?
Jason Mamoa. He seems like a fine person but something about his appearance triggers my fight or flight.
4. What is your favorite word?
Hippopomonstrosesquipedaliophobia
5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?
I think maybe either a birch or a weeping willow?
6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?
That's not yellow
7. What shirt are you wearing?
I'm wearing a green Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time shirt that my sister got for me a few years ago at Fan Expo.
8. What do you label yourself as?
Panromantic asexual. Gender identity wise, demigirl. I recently learned what omnisexual is and I'm curious, but I don't want to come out again so panromantic it is xD
9. Bright room or dark room?
Bright! Lots of sunlight for plants and reading!
10. What were you doing at midnight last night?
I was being trained at work
11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?
I think 18, just because mentally I'm still there.
12. Who told you they loved you last?
My boyfriend :3 I miss him.
13. Your worst enemy?
Dickface. He called me his step daughter once and I almost fucking lost it in that Tim Hortons. I had to fight so hard not to say anything. I was also fighting some pretty rough food poisoning that week so I was not in the mood to argue xD
14. What is your current desktop picture?
On my computer? I think it's a rat xD it's either me with Cortana on my shoulder or Willow peeking through some bars, I can't remember.
15. Do you like someone?
I like my boyfriend. A lot. I mean I hope I do since we have been dating for 6 years xD but I also have a celebrity squish. Patrick Dempsey. Motherfucker. Yes. That smile. Those EYES.
16. The last song you listened to?
https://youtu.be/0Eh4b0Ge-sM
17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
That power hungry cheeto. But only if I wouldn't get caught.
18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
Dickface. He is a child abuser and just a shitty person all around. I called him a stupid idiot on my birthday and lost my fucking mind because I didn't actually mean to and he looked PISSED.
19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?
I don't know who, but I would make them cuddle because I am touched starved and need a fucking hug xD
20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)
I'm doing this all in my phones notes so I can't add a picture, but I love my tattoos and piercings! I have both nostrils pierced, my septum and snakebites. Tattoo wise, I have the Triforce of Courage on my left hand, a small blue hard on my right thumb, a beautiful memorial rat tattoo on my left leg, Midna's Fused Shadow on my left arm and Expecto Patronum on my right wrist. I. Need. More.
21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?
Not gonna lie, I'd probably jerk off xD
22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?
If I shared it, it wouldn't be a secret.
23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?
I... don't know
24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.
I would stick with my normal Subway order: lettuce, tomato, red onions, LOTS OF PICKLES, cheese, black forest ham, mayo and salt and pepper.
25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?
Not gonna lie, I would probably get some Subway and maybe some candle making supplies.
26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?
California. I miss my boyfriend. Let's go.
27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?
Joke's on you, I don't really drink alcohol! I would instead request all the apple juice :')
28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
Pet rats for everyone!!!!
29. What is your favorite expletive?
I enjoy cunt :3
30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?
My little stuffed lion. I would also grab my teddy bear seeing as they are always together.
31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? (Tw rape for this question)
I mean... all of these experiences have made me who I am. But if i can erase one experience without changing who I am, it would be nice to not have been raped.
32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!
I would say Indonesia because volcanoes! But I am also very gay and I don't believe that is a gay friendly country... so... maybe Japan? All of this assuming that the boyfriend is with me. If not, then California.
33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
My grandpa. I really miss him... I want him to see how far I've come and I want to spend more time with him.
34. What was your last dream about?
I have been having a weird amount of sex dreams lately...
35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?
Rat mom? I like to think so! Shameless plug, but I have a blog here called @ratpotatoez where you can see my beautiful chonks. I'm also on Facebook and YouTube.
36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
I mean yes? But not for like an overnight stay.
37. Have you ever built a snowman?
Yes
38. What is the color of your socks?
Fuck socks
39. What type of music do you like?
Depends on my mood. I love heavier, alternative rock but my heart will forever belong to Simple Plan.
40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?
I think they're both really lovely!
41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?
Vanilla
42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)
I don't like football. The only sport I watch is hockey.
43. Do you have any scars?
I am covered in self harm scars (I'm working on covering them up with tattoos). I don't really have any scars with cool stories. I had one that went down my arm but somehow it healed??? Someone in gym class accidentally took a chunk out of my arm with their finger nail and I had a hole in my arm for the longest time!!! I also have a scar on my knee from when I was really young, maybe 3 or 4. I was balancing on some bricks in someone's garden and I lost my balance, fell, and hit my knee on the brick. I remember there being blood running all down my leg as I screamed and cried. So that was fun.
44. What do you want to be when you graduate?
I don't know. I do know, though, that I want to go to culinary school. I also want to go to school for creative writing.
45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My weight. I gained 100+lbs when I went off my anti-depressants and I swelled up like a balloon. I've felt like shit about myself ever since.
46. Are you reliable?
I sure as shit hope so!
47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
Was it worth it...?
48. Do you hold grudges?
I try not to, but I think I do ._.
49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?
PIGEON RAT
50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?
"I just really want to punch this horse in the face, okay?"
51. Are you a good liar?
I think so, yes. Trauma does that to you.
52. How long could you go without talking?
When I get super super drained, I go mute. I can stop talking for days at a time.
53. What has been you worst haircut/style?
I once left the hair dressers with essentially what was a fucking bowl cut. Yea, I wasn't thrilled. I refused to remove my hat.
54. Have you ever baked your own cake?
Yes. At 3AM. Because fuck a healthy sleep schedule.
55. Can you do any accents other than your own?
I can do an okay British accent and an okay Indian accent.
56. What do you like on your toast?
Butter. Just butter.
57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?
Um... I don't remember the last time I drew. Actually, that's a lie. I tried drawing a "small town doctor" while playing Drawful. I drew a very tiny doctor with a city skyline behind him.
58. What would be you dream car?
Literally anything with the popup headlights.
59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.
I talk to myself in the shower. Granted, I do that everywhere xD it's the only way I can work through my thoughts. I also cry in the shower a lot.
60. Do you believe in aliens?
Yes. We can't be the only ones here.
62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?
I don't really have a favourite. But I do like D. Mostly because it's the first letter of my boyfriends name, but also it reminds me of a woman I helped while working in tech support. She needed help figuring out her gif keyboard so I helped and she was so excited when I told her how to search for gifs. She then started giggling like a little girl saying she wondered what might happen if she searched for DICK. She made my day xD I think about her a lot. I hope she's doing well.
63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?
Don't do this to me...
Dragons are obviously amazing but haVE YOU EVER SEEN A DINOSAUR?!?!? LIKE THOSE THINGS ARE REAL. THEY WERE ALIVE. THEY FUCKING RULED THE EARTH. HAVE YOU SEEN A STEGOSAURUS?!?!?!?!?
64. What do you think about babies?
I like babies a lot. Like so much. I have super colourful hair, too, so they seem fascinated with me :') but their little chubby cheeks omg
65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.
Fun fact: I actually really like the smell of wet dog. It's kind of a really comforting smell.
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Cool Kids Never Have The Time (stozier)
au where stan and richie don’t know each other but as classmates, richie is the class stoner, and stan smokes weed for the first time with him : )
warning: drug use
length: about 3k
The first hit of the bowl is a bit too much to handle, in Stan’s opinion.
It’s not like he’s a nerd, per say. He wouldn’t be qualified as one in most people’s minds. He’s actually quite cool, in his opinion, but in the social ladder of their high school, he’s not particularly topping the charts. He’s got friends, sure, but those people are not considered “cool kids” or “popular”. One of his friends, Ben, called him “the King of the nerds,” once.
So Stan wouldn’t say it’s surprising that he became friends with Richie Tozier. Yeah, Richie is… a bit edgier than most people he knows, and Richie doesn’t go to school as often as he should, but it’s not like Stan’s counting his attendance, or looking over at Richie’s empty seat at the beginning of class every day. Psh, why would he?
But that doesn’t quite explain how Stan got to be in this situation, holding a “bowl” up to his lips while Richie lights the end.
He surely didn’t mean to get in this situation. He’s not a bad kid. He stays away from drugs, and when he gets invited to parties with alcohol, he politely declines. In his high school career, and in all of the 18 years of his life, he’s gone to one real party. He left in twenty minutes.
But what was he supposed to do when Richie passed him a note in Economics, reading “you want to come over to mine later?”
When the note was dropped on his desk, he was dumbfounded at first, for multiple reasons. His heart was racing as he tried to process it. First thought: who the fuck passes notes anymore? this isn’t middle school. And then: wait, Richie Tozier wants me to come over?
Then he thinks of what he might like to do at Richie Tozier’s house. Oh.
Stan blushes at his thoughts. He shouldn’t allow himself to think things like that about boys, but he indulges occasionally. Probably more than most guys would.
He looks across the room to where Richie’s sitting and he’s a bit spooked when he sees that Richie is already looking at him, with this little smirk on his face. Swallowing his anxiety, Stan nods in Richie’s direction, and the butterflies that reside in his tummy are making a bit of an uproar as a grin appears on Richie’s face. Richie mouths to him slowly: meet me by my locker after school.
Fuck. Stan’s fucked if he wants a good grade in Econ, because any and all material is lost to his mind after that.
-
A few hours later when the final bell rings, Stan tries to convince himself he hasn’t been waiting for the moment that school ends, but he can’t, not truly. His friends have been bugging him about being absentminded and not participating in their conversations mentally, but he reckons that’s okay for one day.
He tries not to run to Richie’s locker, and instead settles for a brisk pace over to a black mob of hair and a jean jacket faced the opposite way. Briefly, he is immobilized with nervousness, but when Richie glances over to where Stan is standing awkwardly a few feet away, he loudly spits out, “Hi!”
At first, Richie looks a bit judgemental, but his expression softens, and the corners of his beautiful mouth tilt upwards. Stan’s running his fingers through his fringe and pushing it upwards because Jesus, he’s sweating already. Calm the fuck down and stop being so gay, he thinks, but Richie’s smile just makes his knees feel weak. “Hey, Stan the man.”
“Stan the man?” he makes out, and the nervousness is coming back again, and he thinks for a moment that maybe he’s actually judged this situation completely wrong. Is this… an insult, or a nickname? It’s not like Richie is perceived in the eyes of the school body as a nice guy, really. Stan’s not sure. But… maybe he saw him looking at him. Maybe he’s angry. Maybe he knows Stan’s gay somehow, and trapped him here, cornered against a locker. Maybe coming here was the worst possible idea.
His mind tells him to take a step back, so he does. “I- I actually think, that I have to, I have to go,” he stammers. “My mom, uh. My mom needs me to take care of our… Our iguana.”
Stan doesn’t have an iguana. He facepalms mentally.
But then, Richie says the unexpected: “Is something wrong? Are you okay? You look pale all the sudden.” He extends an arm to rest on Stan’s shoulder and despite his best efforts, Stan can’t find it in him to think there’s anything malicious about him.
Sure, Richie’s wearing black ripped jeans and some old, beat up Doc Martins that look like they’re from the 80’s, but he’s also wearing a jean jacket with pink patches and embroidered designs. Yes, he’s got a septum piercing and he skips school, but his eyes and smile are so soft that Stan can’t be intimidated. He melts at the gentle hand on his shoulder.
“I’m fine,” Stan manages, and he can tell his face is hot. “I just remembered that I, uh, don’t actually have to be home, so nevermind. I can come over to yours.”
Richie laughs, and the way he tilts his head back while laughing makes Stan’s heart hurt. “Okay, it’s not iguana-care day. I see,” Richie teases, and surprisingly, Stan doesn’t feel targeted or anything by the tease, just wants to laugh along with him, so he does. It feels natural and organic to be laughing with him and he wants to do it forever. “Let’s go, I can give us a ride.”
There’s something mundanely enchanting to Stan about boys who can drive. Well, maybe it’s just boys. Actually, maybe it’s just Richie.
He coughs awkwardly as he gets into Richie’s vehicle. It’s an interesting one for sure. “Sorry if it’s hard to close the door, Ol’ Gertrude is getting a bit rickety. But we won’t die.” Stan laughs, as if it’s a joke, but Richie looks at him seriously. “Probably.”
He’s not lying when he says that the car is getting old; there’s rust all over it and it does take two or three tries for Stan to fully close the door because for some reason, its locking mechanism doesn’t work. The seats are all busted in some ways and Richie has seemed to fix it by using duct tape strategically, but Stan can still feel the springs poking out in some places. There’s dice hanging from the mirror. It’s a hot day, but there’s not air conditioning, so Stan can feel the perspiration on his face, but the way the windows roll down and Stan can stick his fingers out to feel the air as Richie drives is therapudic and organic.
Richie’s fringe is fully pushed up by now, his face slightly flush as he drives with one hand. He’s trying to explain music to Stan, and Stan suddenly realizes what Richie’s actually passionate about.
“Call me a hipster - really, I am - but the stuff nowadays is really shitty. Too much autotune, and electronic music sound. I’m not into it. Prime music was the 80’s and 90’s - alternative was the best then.” He’s trying to get a CD out of the compartment in front of Stan and Stan takes it over from him, sliding the CD out of the case and helping Richie slide it into the disc player. It immediately plays Track 1.
“Fuck, this is a classic,” Richie comments fondly, and Stan thinks swear words don’t sound quite as crude coming out of his mouth.
Shakedown 1979
Cool kids never have the time
On a live wire right up off the street
You and I should meet
He finds himself fascinated with the way Richie looks, carefree and happy as he drives and sings along to the song. Stan’s not sure if he likes the music better than what he listens to, but he’s sure that he likes Richie singing it better than anything he’s ever heard, ever.
Too soon they arrive at Richie’s house, and as they get out, some anxiety clouds Stan’s mind because what the fuck are they going to do, anyways? He’s not like, socially incapable, but Richie and him have never really talked ever, and they don’t seem to have very many common interests. Nevertheless, they enter Richie’s house and it’s nice, cozy. His downstairs is painted in light pastel yellows and he feels comforted at the decor.
When Richie shows him his room, it’s like walking into a completely different building from the rest of the house.
First of all, it’s painted a light blue, but that’s barely visible through all of the posters he has up. There’s movie posters for every award-winning movie he can think of in the last 30 years. Also, there’s posters for, yes, 90’s and 80’s alternative and rock bands, and Stan thinks if Richie knew that the only real 80’s and 90’s music Stan knows is the boybands, then he would be scolded severely (he can’t help it - his first boy crush was on Justin Timberlake). There’s also tacked up photos of what look to be torn pages from National Geographic of locations around the world. Stan recognizes what looks to be a busy Japanese street, a waterfall somewhere, the badlands, and a photo taken in a desert with a crowd of antelope. He has a bed and in the corner of his bedroom, a sofa, and then a computer desk with a computer chair - he sits down at his chair and looks up at Stan, and Stan sits on his bed lightly. His bedroom is also slightly messy, disheveled in a way that isn’t too unacceptable. There’s an indistinct smell that he can’t quite place.
Stan feels slightly overwhelmed.
Richie begins talking about something related to music again, and he syncs his phone with a speaker in his room and plays some song Stan can’t place, one he’s never heard before, and he zones out a bit to what he’s saying, internally freaking out that he’s at a hot boy’s house on his bed while he’s being ranted at about good music, until Richie says something that shocks him into listening.
“Wanna smoke weed?”
While Stan knows it’s unattractive to sputter, apparently he can’t help but be not cute around Richie. “W-what did you say?” Because he isn’t quite sure he heard right, even though he knows internally exactly what Richie said.
“Did you want to smoke some weed? I have four grams and a bowl if you wanted to. My parents aren’t home and won’t be ‘till later. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, really. It helps me relax though, and makes the music even better,” Richie says, and he giggles a bit at the end. He raises his eyebrows at Stan, obviously expecting an answer, but Stan’s not sure he can give a comprehensible one.
Oh god, he’s about to get high for the first time with the hottest dude in his class. This is what he knows, because he knows for a fact he’s not going to be able to say no to Richie’s smile, even if he’s kind of scared of inhaling smoke and getting high in general, and his mom raised him to stay away from drugs.
“Yes,” he says. Of course. Idiot.
So that brings them to where they are now. Richie is opening up the window to his room, and he retrieves a wooden box from a discreet place at the top of his messy closet, and he opens the box. There’s some oddly shaped things Stan doesn’t recognize, and it occurs to him that Richie probably doesn’t realize that he hasn’t smoked weed before. “I haven’t smoked weed before,” he comments casually, and Richie looks at him incredulously.
“Really, Stan the man? Never smoked?” Richie asks, and Stan nods. “Figures, with your straight A’s, and all. You just need to be roughed up a little. Live life and all that shit.” Stan nods again, and pretends that he doesn’t want Richie to rough him up in every way. “I’ll guide you through it.”
Ten minutes later and they’re both sitting on Richie’s sofa facing his window, and Richie’s holding what he calls a “bowl”, which in reality looks nothing like a bowl and actually looks more like a pipe made of glass or ceramic material, Stan doesn’t know. It’s blue and shiny, and it’s stuffed with weed at the end. Richie tells him the process of it, how you’re supposed to hold your fingers over one part of it, and then light it, and then inhale, and then release your fingers, and then exhale after you’ve held it for a moment. But try as he might, all of those instructions escaped his mind, because when you’ve got Richie Tozier one foot in front of you and you’re about to get high with him, it’s quite hard to focus on little things.
“Got it?” Richie asks him, and Stan wants to have got it, but he hasn’t got it. He shakes his head, and Richie laughs. He feels bad for a moment, but not for long, not really. “It’s okay, Stan. I’ll hold the bowl for you and I’ll light it too. All you have to do is inhale, and then exhale when you’re ready.”
Stan nods, and he doesn’t feel ready quite yet, but it’s not like he’s going to say no because god, Richie is beautiful and he’s holding the bowl up to his lips and Stan’s going to hell for being so gay, he’s sure of it. It occurs to him that he’s practically on Richie’s lap right as Richie lights the weed, and says “GO!” to him, and he inhales the smoke from the bowl, and immediately chokes.
Richie had told him that he’d probably cough, but this was nothing like he’d imagined. He choked on smoke and coughed to try to get the toxicity out of his throat. He keeps coughing, and he’s honestly surprised at the amount he coughs before he can stop, really. He’s practically wheezing out of Richie’s window, and Richie is chuckling at him slightly. When Stan finally stops coughing, wiping the water out of his eyes, he sees Richie from his blurry vision taking a hit and he looks practiced and masterful. The smoke leaves through his nose and he takes a breathe of air calmly. No coughing at all.
“What the fuck? How did you do that?” Stan laughs, and he coughs again at the end of his sentence, and finds himself in another minute-long coughing fit. He wants to stop, he really does, but there’s an insistent tickling at the back of his throat and he must look like an idiot.
However, there’s a warmth at his shoulder and he looks back at Richie, smiling warmly at him and he feels comforted with just a glance at the boy next to him, and he can feel the anxiety melting off of him by the minute. “If you’re a loser pothead like me, then you’re good at this. But don’t aspire for that,” he laughs again, and holds the bowl out to Stan’s mouth again, and Stan tries to pull himself together for another hit again, and he inhales like before. It goes down much smoother than the first, but he still coughs with his exhale.
“Is there a way to make this any better than it is? Like, my eyes won’t stop watering and I’ve got this tickling in my throat that isn’t going away,” he complains to Richie as Richie takes another hit. It occurs to him mildly that his lips were wrapped around the same thing that Richie’s are, and tries to make that fact not matter to him, and fails. “I don’t get the glamour of this yet.”
The way Richie exhales the smoke out of the window through pursed lips makes Stan’s spine tingle a little bit, in a way that only Richie’s looks can do. Richie laughs dryly again. “Eating and drinking make it better. I’m sure the high will hit you in a few. You’ll feel it, and you’ll know.” As Richie relaxes against the sofa, he gets the feeling that Richie is already feeling it.
“How am I supposed to know if I’ve never experienced it?” Stan presses, leaning forward a bit, closer to Richie. Richie gives him a devious smile in return, cracking his knuckles before placing a hand on Stan’s shoulder, which is warm and welcome.
“You’ll know, Stan the man. You’ll know.”
A few minutes later, they are both lying on the floor and looking up at Richie’s ceiling. The lights are off and Richie has glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to his ceiling which Richie is entranced by, as they listen to more music. Stan feels… something, but he isn’t sure if it is from the drug he just smoked or the feeling of laying so close to Richie.
Richie suddenly turns towards him, still horizontal, and says, “Stan the man.”
“Yes?”
“How do you feel?”
Stan’s fingers grip the carpet around him, letting the fabric touch his hands and feel the texture and everything around him. “I feel a little different. Like everything’s slower.”
“Your eyes are red as hell,” Richie comments, laying a hand on Stan’s arm. Tingles shoot through Stan from the place that Richie touched him. He internally facepalms at how sensitive he is, and tells himself to calm down.
Stan sits up a bit, and looks at Richie’s face, examining the way that the weed has affected him. “Your eyes are red too, you know. So shut up.”
“You’re so handsome, Stan,” Richie sighs, and Stan’s eyes widen. He’s unsure if he heard Richie correctly, and where that compliment came from, and what the implications are, and whether it could just be a platonic comment, and his mind is racing with thoughts while he stares blankly forward.
Richie’s eyebrows furrow. “You good?”
Stan sputters, “yeah. I’m good. I think it just hit me.”
Richie smirks, an irritatingly attractive tilt of the mouth, and Stan wishes he could kiss it off of him, so he does. He grabs Richie’s wrists and pulls him forward, and their mouths collide clumsily and Stan is feeling so, so unorthodox.
But it’s good. It’s really good. Richie is warm and although he is bony, his hands seem to have an instinct of their own and perfectly clutch Stan’s face, aligning like they were made to fit, and Stan’s whole body feels like it’s tingling as he moves his lips against Richie’s, kissing him. Richie seems to be pressing forward, responding emphatically to Stan’s movements, and Stan pulls away to breathe and to look at Richie again. He can’t believe himself.
Richie’s face is flushed, his cheeks pleasantly red, and Stan thinks he looks better than ever. His eyes are blown-- from use of illegal substances or from kissing, Stan isn’t sure-- and he looks exhilerated. Stan is internally satisfied that he can make Richie look like that.
Turning down the volume of the music, Richie smiles back to Stan, and his hands move along Stan’s arms like he can’t stop touching him. “I guess I’ll have to have you over a lot more often, Stan the man.”
#this is bad but i havent written fic in forever and i got the feeling i should so i did so here ti is#stozier#my writing#drug use#drugs
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Sharing is Caring (Except When You’re Sick) Part 4
Part four of my collab Sick!Klaus and Sick!Luther fic with @hargreevesstyles!! It can also be read on her blog. :)
As Vanya zoned back into the conversation, Diego was in the middle of scolding Klaus who had accidentally spilled his soup. “Be more careful, Klaus. You burned your leg pretty badly!”
“Sorry I was fucking sneezing, Diego! It’s kind of hard not to burn yourself when you’re eating boiling hot soup and you have to sneeze every two seconds,” Klaus explained.
Diego bit, “How about you put the bowl on the table like a normal person?”
“Why are you being a dick?” Klaus shouted.
The room fell silent.
“Seriously, Diego, fucking lay off. You keep saying you’re concerned about me but all you’re doing is yelling at me and making me feel shitty!” Klaus ran his hand through his hair. “It’s making me more miserable than the incessant sneezing!”
Diego didn’t say anything.
“Whatever, I’m going upstairs,” Klaus muttered.
Vanya interjected, “No, don’t. Come on, Klaus, stay down here. Finish up your soup and then I’ll go into the living room to watch a movie with you.” Klaus didn’t say anything, he just kept staring at the ground. “I’ll let you pick and I’ll make us popcorn.”
“Fine. But only if Diego won’t be there,” Klaus snapped. “Ihh-hitschue! Fuck! Hihhh...huhh….”
“You alright, Klaus?” Allison asked as Klaus’ breath continued to hitch.
“Fucking fanta-hahhh-fantastic….oh god….hihhh….”
It was Vanya’s time to shine. Without calling attention to herself, she tried to channel the energy and the waves around her. She focused as hard as she could on using the energy to vibrate along Klaus’ septum. Klaus looked like he was on the cusp of sneezing when Vanya got an idea. She ceased her powers all together, and Klaus’ hitching breaths halted.
“Oh my god it tickles so bad,” Klaus whined. He scrubbed as hard as he could to repel the itch. Vanya controlled the waves again and sent a malicious vibration zooming around Klaus’ entire nose, and then she stopped it almost a second later. Klaus’ breath hitched wildly and he then lost the sneeze.
Vanya was amused with her powers, so much that she honestly had forgotten that she was toying with Klaus.
“I ha...a...have to sneeze so...hihhh….so fuckingbadly-hahhh….oh my,” Klaus sniffled. He took a tissue and blew his nose. Vanya tried to use her powers to push energy out of Klaus’ nose, seeing if that would help him clear his nasal cavity any better. And it did. Klaus was left a little sniffly, but he could breathe.
Now that Vanya knew she could do that, she went back to messing with Klaus’ need to sneeze.
She teased him for another few minutes or so and then she really realized what she was doing. Klaus had tears running down his cheeks, his nose was running wildly and he had a tissue poised in front of his nose--not quite touching his face, more like hovering in front--so he could catch the impending sneezes, if they ever came. When Vanya saw how miserable she looked she realized she needed to give him the satisfaction he was craving. So, she did all she could to intensify the tickle with as much power as possible.
As if on cue, Klaus’ breath hitched wildly, deeper than he normally would, resulting in an abnormally powerful sneeze from his frail body.
“Huhh’ENXtshyuu!!” His curls bounced wildly as his face snapped forward into the tissue. Vanya flinched; she hadn’t expected that out of him. None of his siblings had. They stared at him in surprise, spoons held halfway to their lips.
“Jesus, Klaus—”
“N-not done - heh! HhhrETDZshiew!” Klaus snapped forward into the tissue again with a slightly less powerful explosion. “HiehHTShiew-xnGST! Fuhh-nXGTshyuu-fuck!” As they died down in intensity, they increased in rapidity, falling one on top of the other. “Hih’eshyuu-nXGt! xxngt-ishyuu! Hh’tschiuehh!” In a last ditch effort, Klaus pinched the damp tissue around his nose. “hh’xgtsh! ihh’ngxt! Hh’nxshiuu - hih!” He paused for a moment, mouth agape and eyes squinted, before his shoulders settled down again and he released the breath in a sigh. “Sorry,” he mumbled, voice small as he rubbed at his nose with the remnants of the tissue.
“Sorry, what was that about not being sick?” Diego asked.
Klaus rolled his eyes. “You know, you could say, like, bless you, or something. You don’t need to skip straight to the bitchy comments.”
“You’re sick! That’s all I’m saying.”
“I’m leaving. For real this time. Vanya, sorry, I’m not in the mood for a movie.”
Without giving anyone else the chance to speak, Klaus stood up and strode out of the room.
“Diego, what the hell?” Allison rose her voice.
Diego said, “He’s sick!”
“Give him some fucking sympathy then!”
“Hhh-hhieshhiew!” Came from the hallway.
Vanya called, “Bless you!”
There was no response, just the sound of stomping on the stairs and then the slamming of a door.
Vanya added, “Really, Diego, you have to give him a break. This honestly seems more like allergies than it does a cold. He might not be sick, and even if he is you have to lighten up on him!”
“No, he needs to take care of himself! If I have to see him in a damn hospital bed one more time, I-“
“Diego he has a cold! And he might not even actually have one!” Allison argued.
Diego tried, “I-I...I’ve just seen him really sick. It’s always bad. H-h-he gets so weak and...and he…”
“Take your time,” Vanya said.
He took a deep breath. “I’ve seen Klaus almost dead too many times. When he’s sick it gets bad fast. I can’t see him like that it-it breaks my heart!” Diego explained. “It’s easier to show my concern through anger than it is through actual concern.”
Both Vanya and Allison felt a pang in their hearts. Diego and Klaus had remained in touch and all of the others knew it. They were the closest out of the siblings, well except for Ben who literally was almost always with Klaus.
It didn’t surprise either of them that Diego’s anger was really just poorly disguised worry.
“Still, Klaus is...fragile. He’s gone through a lot,” said Vanya.
Diego knew that and he understood it perfectly well. There was just something inside of him that became overwhelmed with concern whenever Klaus wasn’t feeling well or if he got hurt. Diego was always the one there for Klaus when he overdosed or when he was mugged or when it was the middle of winter and Klaus didn’t have a home. He had seen him with pneumonia, bronchitis, hypothermia, and several bad injuries. Diego knew that whenever Klaus caught something little it would become something nasty because he never took care of himself.
This always led to Diego becoming overprotective and being on edge for the entire time that Klaus was sick, and it only got worse as it happened more frequently. Maybe it was the fact that Diego knew nothing about this illness. He hadn’t seen Luther at all yet and he figured he might as well go and see what Klaus was up against.
“I’m going to go see how Luther’s doing. I’ll stop by Klaus’ room on the way back and see if he’ll let me talk to him,” Diego announced.
When he arrived in Luther’s room, Five was sitting on his bed chatting with the ill boy. Diego knocked as he walked in.
“How you doin’ Luther?” He asked.
Luther rasped, “Been better. What are you doing up here? Who’s watching Klaus?”
Diego chuckled softly. Luther was always trying to make sure his team was doing well. “He and I aren’t on the best terms right now. I’ll check on him later though, okay? How are you really feeling?”
“It’s so awful, Diego. I’m pretty sure my skin is melting,” Luther said. He coughed productively into his elbow.
“You should get to bed, Luther. I’ll grab the humidifier from Klaus’ room,” Five said. Before Luther could protest, Five blinked out and back in with the humidifier. He set it up quickly.
After a few minutes of talking to Luther, Diego could see the good it was doing for Luther’s cough. The dry air in his room must have been suffocating him before. Diego moved closer into the room and sat down on Luther’s desk. He wanted to be close to him but there was no way in hell he was going to let himself catch whatever it was Luther had.
Somehow for a guy as big as he was, Luther looked gaunt. His face had an alarming pallor which threw Diego off greatly. Luther’s normally stern expression was replaced with an exhausted one, as if he hadn’t slept in days. Diego guessed that he probably hadn’t been able to sleep well for the past few nights.
“Hh...Klaushandmeatissue-hhK’TschOO! Hh-k’ISHHIEW!” Luther sneezed into his blankets, then accepted a tissue from Diego.
“It’s Diego, by the way. Not Klaus,” Diego said.
Luther wiped his nose as much as he could. “Sorry, I think my fever is messing with my brain.”
“It definitely is. You should have heard him earlier,” Five laughed. “Speaking of, though, we should take your temperature again. It’s been a few hours and you’ve had some medicine in you for quite a while.
Diego picked up the thermometer and handed it to Luther so he could do his thing. After the thermometer beeped, Luther said, “100.7, that’s not bad.”
“Yeah, well it’s still not good.” Diego took the thermometer and put it in his pocket, making himself a mental note to fucking clean it this time. “When can you have more fever reducers?”
Luther shrugged.
The Hargreeves’ were not the best at understanding the concept of time--save for Five--especially when they were ill. Diego did the math in his head and told Luther his schedule of doses, but then he doubted that Luther would ever remember any of it so he wrote it down on a sticky note next to his bedside table.
“Will you check up on Klaus for me?” Luther asked. “I haven’t seen him in a few hours and...I don’t know. I don’t want him to be feeling as miserable as I do.”
Diego nodded, “You got it, big guy. Call me if you need anything, or just get the human teleportation device to grab it for you. I’ll come back in a little while and tell you how he’s doing, okay?”
After gaining confirmation from Luther, Diego walked into the hallway. Instead of turning into Klaus’ room he walked into the bathroom first. He didn’t really know how to wash a thermometer properly but he took a washcloth and soaked it in warm water and a tiny bit of soap and scrubbed down the tip of the thermometer. After a few good scrubs Diego decided it should be clean enough and he took it to Klaus’ room.
He went to open the door but it was locked.
“Klaus, can you open up?” Diego asked.
“No.”
Diego sighed, “Please, I just want to talk to you. I want to apologize, okay?”
“I don’t want to get up.”
“Manifest Ben for two seconds and have him do it?” Diego suggested.
Sure enough, Ben opened the door. Diego was about to thank him but he disappeared quickly. He looked at Klaus and frowned.
“Hey,” Diego said.
Klaus muttered, “Hi. What was it you wanted again? To bully me some more while I’m already not at my prime?”
“Why aren’t you at your prime?”
“Forget it, Diego. I didn’t mean it.” Klaus turned his head so he didn’t have to make eye contact with Diego anymore.
So, Diego forgot it. He said, “I just wanted to say I’m sorry about earlier. You were right, I shouldn’t have been so rude to you, it’s just...I get so worried about you, Klaus. You know that I’ve seen you several times on what I thought would be your deathbed. When I see you getting sick or even having the potential of getting sick...it scares the shit out of me. I’m always scared that if you get a cold it’s going to turn into pneumonia and then it’s going to kill you! You’re j-just so...so unpredictable and your body seems to hate you and it terrifies me!”
Diego didn’t even realize that he was ranting until he finished. Klaus had his crooked old smile on his face.
“It’s alright, Diego, don’t worry about it. I know you were just looking out for me.” He set his knitting needles down and pushed himself up on his elbows, patting the space beside him on the bed. Diego reluctantly sat down, just barely perched on the edge, still tense with guilt. “I’m sorry, too. I overreacted, you know how I can get when I’m - when people take care of me.” Diego relaxed a bit and cracked a smile.
“Yeah, I know. Remember December of 2015?” Klaus actually shuddered a bit at the memory; Diego had made him to go to the hospital on Christmas Eve, and he’d ended up spending four days there, with the worst pneumonia of his life, coupled with unintentional withdrawals. And he’d been a total dickhead to Diego every time he’d come to visit, accusing him of holding him hostage and “ruining Christmas” for him.
“Ahh, jeez. Why did you have to bring that up? You know I’m -ht’shjuh! Enxgt-eh’tschiew! Sorry.”
“Bless you. Yeah, I know.” Diego was reminded of his purpose there, and he held he thermometer out for Klaus. With a sigh, Klaus put it in his mouth. He’d resigned himself to the fact that he might have a fever when the warmth he thought had come from eating the soup didn’t go away after a half hour.
When it beeped, Diego grabbed it from him before he could read it. Even despite their previous conversation, he didn’t trust Klaus to tell the truth if his temperature had risen.
“99.5.” Diego’s face fell, and he looked at Klaus with worry. “That’s a fever.”
“Well, shit.” Klaus looked towards his crossed legs, refusing to meet Diego’s gaze. “I guess you were right. Sorry for being such a little bitch.”
“Hey, don’t be sorry.” Diego took the thermometer back. He bit down on his lip as he watched Klaus shrink in on himself a bit. “Hey, Vanya and Allison are gonna watch a movie, if you still want to. I don’t think they started yet.”
“I don’t know,” Klaus’ voice was small. “I’d probably ruin the movie by sneezing every five seconds.” He rubbed at his nose harshly as if he needed to prove his point any more than he already had.
“They’re gonna watch Legally Blonde 2.” Klaus perked up a bit at that; they all knew it was his comfort movie. “Come on, let’s go get you medicated and then I’ll make some popcorn.”
“Ugh, fine!”
Before they could even start the film, Diego had to run to the store to buy more corn kernels (Klaus insisted on homemade popcorn), actually make the popcorn, and run upstairs to check on Luther. Which led to him calming down a panicky Five (“It only went up .3 degrees, he’ll be fine!”), and giving his brother another fever reducer before insisting he call it a night. If anyone asked, he definitely did not tuck Luther in.
By the time they’d popped the film in, it was 9 pm, and Diego was exhausted. He was squished between Allison and Vanya on one couch, with Klaus sprawled across the other all by himself. He also had his own bowl of popcorn, which he’d claimed was a necessity now that he was confirmed to be sick, and he might be contagious.
To no one’s surprise, Five turned down their offer to join them. Klaus wasn’t sad about it; he’d bitched about the “tonal inconsistencies” and continuity errors the whole time they’d made him watch it the last time Klaus was sick, and the whole film had lost its charm.
Within the first half hour of the film, Diego was starting to drift off. Klaus’ surprising lack of sneeziness (thank you, Vanya) only made it easier for him to fall asleep for minutes at a time. Still, he refused to go to, bed. They all knew he was only staying up to make sure Klaus went to bed at a reasonable hour. Vanya had taken to lightly touching his shoulder every few minutes, in response to which he would suddenly stir and mumble, “I’m awake!”
It wasn’t until he started snoring for the third time that Klaus finally lost his patience and manifested Ben, who yelled at Diego that he would watch over their sick brothers while he slept. Allison and Vanya giggled as Diego frantically nodded and ageed. He checked Klaus’ temperature one final time (“99.2°, let’s hope it stays that way”) before calling a night.
Not long after he left, Allison announced that she was going to bed too. And although she pulled off a convincing fake yawn, Vanya and Klaus both shot each other identical looks. They knew she was just going up to check on Luther. Vanya confirmed that suspicion after the film ended, when she went up to check on him herself, only to find Allison already quietly fussing over him. She watched as Allison pulled the blankets up to his chin, noting his new t-shirt and the clean set of sheets on his nightstand. Once again, Vanya slipped out of the room just as quietly as she’d came in.
Klaus hadn’t managed to make it upstairs to his own room before he started dozing off on the couch. He was tired anyway, and the pills made the ghosts a bit quieter. And with Ben at his side humming some silly old song, it was impossible for him to not fall asleep.
#sick luther#sick klaus#luther hargreeves#klaus hargreeves#klaus whump#luther whump#umbrella academy fanfiction#tua fanfic#tua snz#klaus snz#luther snz
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Tagged by @mercymm what a pal, what a friend, what a cool goose
Rules: Answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people (i wont be tagging that many lmaooo)
— What was your last…
1. Drink: Bottle of water
2. Phone call: I think I Hayden, a frand and QP
3. Text message: Me boyfriend, to update him on my cats shenanigans
4. Song you listened to: Don’t Forget Me by Way Out West
5. Time you cried: uhhhh couple days ago over school I think.
6. Dated someone twice: ye
7. Kissed someone and regretted it: also ye
8. Been cheated on: yeah it sucks
9. Lost someone special: yeah, but not super recently.
10. Been depressed: woo boy howdy
11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yeah too much red wine and me are enemies
— Fave colours
12. Navy Blue
13. Periwinkle
14. Mint Green
— In the last year have you…
15. Made new friends: yep
16. Fallen out of love: nop
17. Laughed until you cried: so many times
18. Found out someone was talking about you: nah
19. Met someone who changed you: yeah, for the better
20. Found out who your friends are: i be knowin that shit
21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list: yee
— General
22. How many your Facebook friends do you know irl: I generally only friend people I know IRL bc unless prompted I don’t use facebook that often
23. Do you have any pets: Yeah, A maltipoo named Max that lives with my mom, and my cat Merlin. We briefly had another cat recently but he had to be put down bc health reasons.
24. Do you want to change your name: nah
25. What did you do for your last birthday: Went on a cruise B)
26. What time did you wake up today: 7am, I had lecture
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping or reading some yoi daddy kink shit bc im tharsty
28. What is something you can’t wait for: The job I applied for to come through, and summer break.
29. 29th question??? where ya be
30. What are you listening to right now: Kill Our Way to Heaven by Michl
31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Mom’s boyfriend’s name is Tommy.
32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: How dirty my room is rn, and my lack of motivation to do anything about it
33. Most visited website: Tunglr, ao3, university class shit, and amzon for prom planning. I’m buying a 3 lb box of moss.
34. Hair colour: Brown
35. Long or short hair: Pretty short, but I need my sides clipped.
36. Do you have a crush on someone: probably??
37. What do you like about yourself: I make good food sometimes, and I’m very passionate about safe sex.
38. Want any piercings: I want my cartilage pierced at some point but probably after nursing school.
39. Blood type: A+
40. Nicknames: Mari, Merm, meme, Nurse McMurse, Nurse McMurder when I’m peeved, and Nurse McHearse (i resent that one).
41. Relationship status: In relationship
42. Sign: Gemini
43. Pronouns: She/her, they/them, he/him I don’t have a preference.
44. Fave tv show: Grey’s Anatomy or Broad City when I’m not being weeby
45. Tattoos: None, but I have a list of ones I want after nursing school.
46. Right or left handed: Right
47. Ever had surgery: Tonsils and wisdom teeth removed
48. Piercings: My ear lobes and my septum
49. Sport: Used to play softball, used to march flute, now I bike some when I can.
50. Vacation: I went on a cruise to the keys and Mexico around my birthday last year in May. It was super fun!
51. Trainers: what does this mean? I wear vans a lot?
— More General
52. Eating: I just ate a BBQ plate from cookout. Good stuff.
53. Drinking: Water with my meal, but now sparkling raspberry water. Luv that carbonation.
54. I’m about watch: Grey’s Anatomy. I’m rewatching for like the 3rd time bc it’s my feel good show.
55. Waiting for: My roommate to come back with ice cream
56. Want: a job pls im so poor
57. Get married: Maybe? I’m neutral when it comes to marriage.
58. Career: Nursing, most likely specializing as an OBGYN or in midwifery. All about that reproduction and sex education.
— Which is better
59. Hugs or kisses: Hugs, but forehead kisses are bomb af
60. Lips or eyes: Lips.
61. Taller or shorter: No preference.
62. Older or younger: Around the same or older.
63. Nice arms or stomach: don’t care.
64. Hookups or relationships: Relationships.
65. Troublemaker or hesitant: both somehow, I’m a shit lord and mom friend at the same time.
— Have you ever
66. Kissed a stranger: Yep
67. Drank hard liquor: Also yep
68. Turned someone down: Yes sir
69. Sex on first date: Nope
70. Broken someone’s heart: I don’t know, but probably not?
71. Had your heart broken: A little
72. Been arrested: Nope
73. Cried when someone died: yeah, i’m a crier
74. Fallen for a friend: many
— Do you believe in
75. Yourself: I try
76. Miracles: Yeah, healthcare makes me want to at least
77. Love at first sight: Nah, I’m probably demi romantic though? Haven’t sorted that one out yet lmao.
78. Santa Claus: There’s probably someone named Santa Claus on this very earth.
79. Angels: Yeah
— Misc
80. Eye colour: brown, with some weird black spot things
81. Best friend’s name: Me squad is full of best frands
82. Favorite movie: Oh fuck I don’t know, Probably Batman: Under the Red Hood, but also maybe Kill Your Darlings.
83. Favorite actor: I don’t really have a favorite, but speaking of Kill Your Darlings, Dane Dehaan has a cool aesthetic going on.
84. Favorite cartoon: Voltron: Legendary Defender.
85. Favorite teacher’s name: My high school choir director/piano teacher. She helped me a lot with confidence issues, and is one of the best people I know really. She was kinda like a school mom, I love her a lot.
I’ll tag @dukecitrus, @spicyboifriend, @cookiesandcas, @lupcult, @elegaicsongstress, @baffledapple, or anyone else who’s just itching to do this.
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Yet another confusing time of nothingness but not despair
I’m not depressed. It’s not the nothingness I’ve known a few years ago where nothing has taste and there’s a hole in your body and your soul. Nope. It’s just, weird af.
This time there’s no hole and empty sorrow. The best I can describe it is sitting on a chair, doing stuff, living, blinking, breathing but laughing at the thought that something is going on - obviously - that I can’t put my finger on. It’s weird but I’ll take it over listening my depressive playlist. It’s nicer to laugh.
So, 2021 onwards. Something big happened already, only one day after it started. I lost my V card. Who would’ve thought. Not me. I was the first surprised. Still wonder if it really happened to be honest. Been 4 days and I’m in a weird state of mind. At first I felt very awkward and ashamed for some reasons (and I still do to an extent). It wasn’t so much about the realisation, it was never a big deal for me but not to be seen as the prude and dysfunctional girl out of my girlfriends is kinda nice so I guess I can cross that of my list. But at the same time, idk. It was kinda boring and left me thinking "so what’s the big deal?". Didn’t really left me wanting more. I have more fun on my own.
Usually I’m all opened about what to write even without focus but this time it’s really hard to gather stuff. Feels like I want to hide them from myself even. But gonna force myself to expand a bit. It’s important stuff in a way.
So what happened.
Don’t really remember but I guess once again I felt lonely one night and desperate enough to swipe some guys on Tinder. It’s kinda my thing. It’s all alright until it isn’t and I feel a surge of swipe to justify that I’m at least trying to "fix" or at least improve my condition.
Anyways, ended up on some guy that was way too handsome to skip but I knew nothing would come of it since he was like 300km from me. Wanted to keep it as collection I guess. I try to keep the ones I find attractive to figure out "my type". Kinda silly.
Then, ofc, the one you expect the least is always the one to talk back. It wasn’t a striking message, he commented about my septum, and it just went on from that. Been talking for a month+ now (since the start of December) and I liked how it’s always been sporadic messages. Like not the kind where you send messages, get some answer back in 5mn and discuss live (like I do everyday on Discord). It’s way more sparse and I like it cause I can’t be dedicated to spending my whole life texting (even tho I do it on Discord but it feels different?).
Tbh I’ve never been "compelled" to this person like waiting his messages in anticipation or anything. Always been detached. Was the same with the guy I was texting before this summer and even before. It’s kinda nice cause there’s not much at stake. If he ever ghosts, it doesn’t really matter. But it’s also scaring me. Do I have a broken heart or what? I can’t seem to feel things. Apart from crushes (which are insignificant) and that one coworker I hanged out with, I’ve never been silly over texts. I would prefer to be. At least it makes you feel something. For sure at least I don’t get hurt, but I feel like a ghost.
Onwards. We finally decided to meet. Wasn’t particularly pleased to have him over my place cause I’ve never invited strangers there and what if it was awkward? At least in public you’re safe and if it goes terrible you can just leave and pretend to have something to do after to move on. Home, if you want an escape, you kinda have to be blunt and ask the person to go away or bare with it.
Sex was off the table - at least in my mind, even wore not sexy clothes and unmatched undies -. I thought I had been clear about that since I had said something like "Sure why not but only to get to know each other". Guess it had been taken in another way that what I was originally meaning.
Fatidic day comes, obligatory stress before a date, make yourself extra pretty. He arrives, super handsome, smells good, is nice. I make cocktails, he shakes them, we drink, it’s fine. But, cause there’s always a but, it seems so formal. Like I’m trying to be a good date and be ultra dynamic in the conversation but it feels like I’m leading too much and he’s not talking an awful lot, not even asking about me. Super different from how he was texting. I try to not mind it too much.
It gets physical at some point, he makes me hop on him, take me into his arms until he finally decides to go down on me and go PIV. It’s not like I didn’t want to and was forced to do so, I just let it happen. But I would’ve preferred it another way? Like further down the line? First talk a lot more and get a feel of each other, then eventually leading to that. Introducing that so fast, so quick made the possible spark die for me. I felt awkward and like nothing could go on from that point but to go the casual sex route or stop it there. I guess it made me realise that I’m really looking for a relationship. Prior to that I always said I wanted to see how things go into dating, so not specifically a relationship but that’s exactly what happened and now I know.
So here we are, the aftermath. Kinda ghosted him for two days. He was obviously super happy about what happened and casual about it but I wasn’t. So expressed that it made me uncomfortable and so forth. He said he was sorry and wasn’t usually like that… Wanted me to give him a second chance. Debated for a whole lot of time in my head, basically lost my peaceful sleep times for days now (and it’s still ongoing). Decided on a "maybe". And now we’re back to texting, more deep stuff, less emotes. Idk how I feel about that. I don’t know anything anymore.
————————
So I left this note unfinished kinda? But it’s an unfinished business so that’s fine. One week later. Where we at?
We continued texting and I guess the more time past the more I was forgetting about our first date, moving on in a kinda way. Focusing on other stuffs basically even tho that’s the core of my life rn. Like overthinking, thinking and thinking again about all this.
Eventually he asked if he could come back this weekend and I was like "mmmh maybe?", because I really was like maybe. Wasn’t really trying to tease him, just wasn’t sure. But in my mind, I was accepting that he’d come already. So fast-forward, second date planned on Sunday (first one was Saturday the week before). He asked if he could come a bit earlier to spend more time, and I agreed. Only if he didn’t come at like 9am or something cause y’a know, still need to make myself pretty and clean my apartment. Important stuff to me.
Today is Monday, so it was yesterday. What happened? Juicy.
It was kinda awkward at first, ngl. When he said he was there and I had to open the door to go get hime, I got this huge wave of stress washing over me and I remember saying out loud “Wtf am I even doing”, but then it was too late and it was happening so good fucking luck me.
He brought beers and a pizza (for him, since I hate it, he knew it). We just started to drink and talk casually, but there were these awkward silences at times. But props to him in some ways cause he always found a way to make a comeback somehow, and make it less awkward, and be physical - not always sex-driven but just make these kinda approaches that are like closing the gap between strangers? -.
We then decided to watch horror movies. And I think that was my favourite part. It was really just chilling you know. It was cute. We just cuddled on the couch and he tried a move but I said "not today". Cause that was my mindset for real this time. And as first date didn’t go as planned my battle plan for this one would have to hold. If no sex on second date, and he still stays in my radar it kinda seals the deal in a way? Not like it’s all perfect and chill, for all I know we’re not exclusive or anything so doesn’t prove much, but that he wants to stick around a bit? And I like that idea. So he was like "ok ok, I’ll slow down", with a cute voice. And yeah, that was a super nice moment that I really enjoyed actually. I remember thinking into his arms like "Okay, I could live with that, it’s kinda nice, could fall asleep here". He actually fell asleep for a while.
It wasn’t all perfect ok? There’s already some stuff bothering me, probably some bothers him too, but nothing is perfect. Kinda have to focus on the good stuff.
It’s kind of all new to me. Never went this far into any relationship really. So, I’m trying to handle things differently too? Like, I didn’t say to my friends - best friends - that I saw him again, all that happened yesterday. Cause, I guess I kinda wanna keep it to myself till I know where it’s going? If it ever goes somewhere anyway. Like I’ve always been to prone to talk about my dates - that are so few -, and nothing good ever came of it so I just don’t wanna discuss duds - not dudes, duds, like the empty fake shit - anymore?
I really wish I could talk to them about it now, cause it’s so fresh and new and he doesn’t answer me cause something happened in the army - cause he’s in the army - and he had to give his phone away at a certain point and he said he didn’t knew when he would get it back?
SO. Either, this could be a lie and he’s ghosting me. Which would be weird, considering how things went - he said “Today was a good day” in a vocal note yesterday while he was being punished -, but, you never know.
Or, it’s the truth and it sucks cause I kinda wish we would have talked today. I mean, happened in the past where he was punished and stuff so it’s believable.
But it’s really one of the two. And it bothers me, and I wish I knew. Cause I’m all alone with my thoughts rn, and that’s why I picked this again cause I can’t talk to him, can’t - don’t wan’t - to talk to my friends about it, really can’t talk to my parents about it so I feel alone.
But on another note, reverse psychology really works on me lol. Kept checking my phone all day when usually he sends messages and I kinda glide over it cause I don’t wanna make it my priority, but clearly today there’s been a shift. Not to say it’ll remain if he ever answers - cause yeah, I cracked and sent a message -.
So yeah guys, I’m one of those annoying chicks.
Yeaaaah, I definitely listened to my sad playlist today. Don’t judge. But also, I’m having my periods - which is great, cause I was concerned - but also make this day sucks even more cause it hurts. But at least the pain kinda distracts me. Idk, it’s weird to explain.
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Buck
GENERAL
Name: Buck
I could imagine that this isn’t his real name or at least not “really his name”. One idea is that he’s in fact called Adrian de Buck but noone uses this name anymore. There was also a real guy named Adriaan de Buck of whom I try to find out more to see if this would be a cool telling name or something.
Alias(es): Bug, Bugboy
Not quite sure about this. But since my acc is named amdukiasthebugboy and yours is named voidfan we could have a nice little backstory here
Gender: Male (Cis)
I simply see no reason in making him trans or nonbinary or anything like that. He just doesn’t feel like a LGBT* character.
Age: 28
In fact he could be anything between 20 and 35 but I think making him close to thirty is the best in between solution
Place of birth: The town in which the story takes place
I’d say we make up a fictive town which only exists in the future?
Spoken languages: A future form of english
I think language will develop until then so I’d say there is a new language but it’s based on english. Maybe we could see if we find some kind of slang just as the one used in “Clockwork Orange”.
Sexual orientation: Asexual (Heterosexual but no sex-drive)
As said he doesn’t feel like a LGBT* character. I don’t see a point in starting an ace-discourse here, fact is Buck doesn’t count himself as LGBT* he just noticed that his sex-drive vanished after some time of living as a cyborg.
Romantic orientation: Aromantic (Heteroromantic)
Same as which sexual orientation. But I think he didn’t even notice until know.
Occupation: Technician Assisstant
In Fact he’s something like an humanoid syntheziser or something like that. I feel like he’s also able to control spotlights and stuff like that but only if he got connected with them before (with something like bluetooth etc.)
APPEARANCE
Eye color: Yellow
As a red haired person he most likely had light eyes before his surgery and I’d like to stick to green or grey. The yellow is some kind of sulfur-like and his eyes most likely glow a little.
Hair color: Dark Red/Brownish Red
He has really long dread locks which hide most of the wires who are connected with his head. He didn’t cut his hair since the age of 12 or something and wears them as dreads since about 5-10 years. Also he really likes his hair color and never died his hair.
Height: 175 centimetres
His height is something he really hates. Most of his family are about 10 centimetres taller I guess and he has some insecurities about being that short but thanks to his big mouth most people won’t comment on his height too much.
Scars: Several Scars
I have to think about where they are and why he got them. I think he has no huge ones but some have to be there.
Burns: Maybe
I’d really like the thought of him having a burn but I still need to think about that.
Overweight: No
I think he’s not a body builder or anything but he has some muscles and his BMI is a little close to overweight than to underweight.
Underweight: No
Look above
FAVOURITE
Color: Yellow, Orange, Red
He loves bright and burning colors but he would never wear them
Hair color: Dark Red / Blonde
On himself he loves his own haircolor but he used to have a thing for blonde women
Eye color: Green & Blue
He might really likes his yellow eyes but he’d sometimes prever his old color again
Entertainment: Raves, Parties, Concert
He is noone who would go to a bar to sit down and have a drink, he always needs a dance floor and even if he seems to be a really calm person he’s absolutely into Rave parties and aggressive dance styles
Pastime: Smoking, messing around with technical stuff
Boredom turned him into a terrible chain smoker. Also he always has to touch everything that has to do with sound or light technics. He has no idea what he’s doing exactly but he loves to figure out how things work.
Food: Anything pistachio flavoured
Honestly, he lives of that kinda stuff. No matter if salted & roasted or in form of icecream.
Drink: Beer with Coke
Not quite sure about that but I think it suits him
Books: //
He always hated books
HAVE THEY
Passed university: No
I’m pretty sure he stopped after high school because he just doesn’t gave a fuck
Had sex: Yes
He actually was some kind of a fuckboy or something I guess. Well not really fuckboy he never lied to any of the girls he had sex with. He only never was into relationships or something
Had sex in public: Yes
If parties count as public places. May he had even sex in school but I doubt that
Gotten pregnant: No
Obviously not lol
Kissed a man: Yes
I think he sometimes kissed a friend of his when he was drunk but it was just for fun and they never assumed there would be more
Kissed a woman: Yes
Several actually
Gotten tattoos: Yes
He has several in his face and his joints. I don’t think they have a huge meaning but he thinks they are cool and most of them only visible in black light
Gotten piercings: Yes
I think is hands are pierced. Also I think of giving him a septum or one or twoo piercings in one eyebrow but I’m not sure about that
Had a broken heart: No
Also I think he never really broke one
Been in love: Yes
But only as a young teen and only twice
Stayed up for more than 24 hours: Yes
I think this happens at least once every two weeks, maybe even more often since he’s a cyborg now
ARE THEY
A virgin: No
He lost his virginity at the age or 15-16 I guess
A cuddler: Rarely
I think he never really gave a fuck about that until he lost his sexdrive. Now he sometimes wants to cuddle someone but never does. Or maybe he cuddles cats.
A kisser: Rarely
He never was the typical kisser but did it when he hooked up with someone. Nowadays the thought of kissing someone without having sex with them disgusts him somehow.
A smoker: Yes
As said he’s a chain smoker. I think he sometimes smokes a package a day when he has nothing to do.
Scared easily: No
He isn’t extremely brave but he also doesn’t jump at the slightest sound and can deal with the everyday horror of life
Jealous easily: Sometimes
He isn’t the typical jealous person but sometimes he feels like he would miss out on something that others have
Trustworthy: Mostly
He doesn’t really gossip but when something makes a good story he tells it. But he’s aware of that and doesn’t lie about his trustworthyness
Dominant: A little
He isn’t into kinky stuff but he used to have an outgoing personality and even if he got quieter at the moment it’s still a part of him
Submissive: Rarely
He is more used to hold his head down now than he was a few years before but he will never be a submissive person
Single: Yes
Also he isn’t interested in having a relationship. As a human he described himself as a relationship anarchist.
RANDOM QUESTIONS
Have they harmed themselves: No
At least not intentional
Thought of suicide: Maybe
I’m not really sure about that but maybe he thought of killing himself after the law got changed and he was no longer human
Attempted suicide: No
He’s not the kind of person who would actually try to kill themselves
Wanted to kill someone: No
Of course he played with that in his mind but he knew he never really wanted to do that
Actually killed someone: No
I’m not sure if he actually could kill someone. Maybe with the help of someone else but most likely not on his own.
Ridden a horse: No
Why should he?
Have/had a job: Yes
As said he’s a technician assisstant. Aka part of the job of someone else.
Have any fears: Yes
Getting sold like a thing because he’s no longer human, getting attacked or killed because he’s a cyborg, getting hacked,...
FAMILY
Sibling(s): Yes
I think he has one brother and one half brother, both older than him. And maybe a younger half sister.
Parents: Alive
I think he has just no contact with them anymore
Children: No
He never wanted some and now he’ll never have some
Pets: Part Time Cat and Part Time Dog
The two don’t actually belong to him but they visit him at home (cat) and at his work place (dog).
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rules: answer these 85 statements & tag 20 people
tagged by @partlycharlie (thank friend)
the last:
1. drink: nestea
2. phone call: my best friend
3. text message: that same best friend - it just says ‘yikes’
4. song: i’m looking through you by the beatles
5. time you cried: uhh yesterday i tried vegemite and it made me sad
have you ever:
6. dated someone twice: lol no
7. kissed someone and regretted it: lol no
8. been cheated on: lol no
9. lost someone special: i guess ??
10. been depressed: lol yes
11. gotten drunk and thrown up: lol no
favorite colors:
12. grey bc im boring as hell. specifically chinchilla grey.
13. navy blue
14. i like pastel teal a lot ?? its currently the color of my hair
15: super dark red is cool
16: black im still an emo at heart fight me
in the last year have you:
17. laughed until you cried: yes multiple times my dog does dum things
18. found out someone was talking about you: ye
19. met someone who changed you: yup
20. found out who your friends are: ye ?
21. kissed someone on your facebook list: lol no
22. made friends: lol yes
23. fallen out of love: lol no
general:
25. what did you do for your last birthday: i was understudying for a play and there was a performance for a festival/competition thing so that was fun,, we won which is cool
26. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them also fuck facebook
27. do you have any pets: too many.
28. what time did you wake up: i woke up at 8 and then 10 and then it only stuck at 11:30 bc a certain doggo was barking
29. what were you doing at midnight last night: decorating school binders bc im a nerd
30. name something you can’t wait for: school tbh im looking forward to this year
31: what are you listening to right now: nothing but i have thrill of first love from falsettos paused on the next tab over but i got distracted by other things.
32: have you ever talked to a person named tom: i think so ?? i have an uncle named tom but i dont remember meeting him so idk
33: something that’s getting on your nerves: not having money to do stuff
34. do you want to change your name: ive done so a shit ton of times so,, not again no
35. hair color: pastel blue/green/teal-ish (this isnt a debate of colour theres just a lot going on on my head) but also mouse brown on my roots and the sides
36. long or short hair: what i have?? short. what i want?? long as fuck. what i like on others?? live ur best life dude idk
37. piercings: ive got two holes in both ears and imma get my septum soon
38. tattoos: none so far
39. blood type: i have no idea and this is a creepy question
40. nicknames: chuckles the clown, benjamin franklin, idk man i dont actually have nicknames those are made up
41. relationship status: lol no
42. zodiac: when the moon is in the seventh house, and jupiter aligns with mars.
43. pronouns: he/him or they/them??
44. most visited website: this hellsite
45. right or left handed: both
46. surgeries: none as of yet
47. sports: lol no
48. favorite tv show: dont have one anymore
49. vacations: none this year
50. sneakers: grey converse that are my bbs
more general:
52. eating: i had chili for breakfast bc fuck expectations
53. fave drink: chocolate milk
54. what you’re up to: nothing. ever
55. waiting for: i wait for no one.
56. want: money would be nice
57. get married: lol no
58. career: how does one apply to be tom holland
which is better:
60. hugs or kisses: hugs ?
61. lips or eyes: eyes
62. shorter or taller: both. be both at once somehow.
63. older or younger: older i guess but also im a Child so neither is really preferable
64. nice arms or stomach: stomach ?
65. hook up or relationship: lol no
66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant i guess but im also hesitant so nothing would ever get done
have you ever:
67. kissed a stranger: lol no
68. drank hard liquor: ye
69. lost glasses/contacts: lol no i dont need those ive got perfect vision get fucked
70. turned someone down: lol i wish
71. sex on the first date: lol no
72. broken someone’s heart: lol no
73. had your heart broken: i guess ??
74. been arrested: lol no
75. cried when someone died: ye uhh i cry when seasons end on shows im crying right now im never not crying
76. fallen for a friend: wait ur not supposed to do that ?
do you believe in:
77. yourself: lol what
78. miracles: idk man but now my shitbrain is screaming ‘you sexy thang’ on repeat
79. love at first sight: maybe ? i think it depends
80. santa claus: what kind of question is this
81. kiss on the first date: sure why not
82. angels: uh no
other:
83. current best friend’s name(s): wilhelmina
84. eye color: blue
85. favorite movie: legally blonde
conclusion: im a boring person who barely answered these also fuck no im not tagging anyone
#long post //#charlie says shit#jesus christ this took seventeen years#i still lov doing these things tho go ahead and keep tagging me on this stuff i like oversharing
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Where Is Anti-Dating Culture Discourse When I Need It?: A Sexual Assault Story
It’s clear that we live in a dating obsessed culture – and while there have been plenty of think pieces on how to find a real love connection in the age of Tinder, there’s not a lot of coverage and support for those who feed completely at ends with it.
I wouldn’t say I’m afraid of dating. I’ve always been a person open to new possibilities, new relationships – coupled with a cool girl sense of down for anything, let’s try that in the bedroom, let’s stay up until 6am doing what I do best.
What began the breakdown of that façade was an awful break-up. He took everything from me, emotionally & financially (last one may be a little dramatic but he did milk me for every penny I was worth). When you thought it was love and it turned out to be they only loved what you could provide for them, that’s enough to start one’s souring.
But all things considered, I picked myself up from this pretty well. In fact, I’d say the next 6 months that followed were some of the best in my life. I could embrace the music I had once hid my liking for (he thought female fronted bands sucked), I could wear the things he loathed (this included rompers, red lipstick & my hair naturally), I could be me without thinking what the other half what think and what image we had to uphold – you guessed it, manic pixie dream couple.
Being in this new single world, I of course dove right into Tinder, although sparks far from ever flew. If anything it was an ego boost, getting X amount of super likes in a day and have guys tell me this was the best date they’d ever been on, when I didn’t feel a thing for them.
Now, flash back to prior to my big break –up relationship – I’d never really had a serious boyfriend so the thought that someone could love me, like are you serious, me? Was dumbfounded. Previously I’d just been known as the joke, the slut. I liked to openly talk about sleeping with guys in an effort to make myself sound cool and detached when (you can write the story from here) – I was riddled with insecurities and hated myself to the very core.
So fast forward to post heartbreak, I expected to fit into the slut scheme (this is me embracing the term, not using it judgmentally!) just fine. It was like riding a bike, there’s no way I could forget. Turned out to be absolutely untrue. I saw my fun NYC friends around me hooking up left and right and not feeling so affected by what he said in bed that night or the fact that he failed to text back – after all, we could laugh at it over brunch and it was on to the next one.
I struggled to find anyone attractive to talk to, let alone sleep with. Everyone seemed to bore me, and I was absolutely not about to lean in to any cute lines or games. But it was an alienating feeling – why can everyone let go and I can’t seem to? Why do I have to be so uptight, I swear I’m not this lame girl! I’m a cool girl!
One weekend I decided to say fuck it. Lined up 3 online dates over the holiday weekend and figured I would finally master this juggling act. I would be back to my supreme slut self.
By Friday I was in the hospital with a bleeding asshole, tears streaming down my face as I faced judgement from doctors and the fear to tell anyone close in my life. I went to the hospital alone feeling violated, got my rape kit done while feeling violated and walked home, feeling violated, as I got catcalls and staredowns from men in the 2am Brooklyn streets. It was clear now, more than ever, that I am just an object to men. Something for their consumption and destruction, nothing of value.
*
The night started out normal. As normal as an app-made date can be. He was late. Chubbier and not as cute in person. In honesty, he was completely revolting. Cocky for absolutely no reason, thought he was an extra member of the Smiths, and freely downtalked other women in the bar. All traits I find wholly unattractive.
But I decided to get drunk. To ease the pain of swallowing this pill. I played the act of dark, misunderstood girl up to a T, knowing he’d want to peer inside me even more. Drink after drink, bar after bar, it gets darker & darker – both in memory and tone.
I don’t remember going to his place. I remember making out on the couch. I remember taking off my clothes there. I don’t remember transferring to the bedroom.
I remember him choking me – maybe I asked, but I can’t be positive. I remember him pressing down harder, hard enough where I couldn’t breathe. This triggered something in me, and I still don’t know what exactly. The memory of someone’s hand (who shall not be named) on my neck, someone’s whose didn’t belong there.
I flung him off an immediately started crying. I explained the memory (I think) this triggered and he said it was ok, this happens all the time. Whatever you think the memory is is probably right and knowing that…this wasn’t a comforting thing to hear from another male, especially a “prospective” sexual partner.
I remember crying, actually curling in the fetal position, thinking about how I wanted to go home. I hadn’t wanted to go home my entire time in New York but I did now.
What happened next is the blurriest of it all. I think it was decided that we would go to bed, but somehow the sexual activity continued. I don’t know if he asked, or if I approached, or if he started or I did.
All I vividly remember is being face down in a pillow, assuming the position if you will, and feeling an awful pain – THAT pain – and screaming, “Please stop, please stop…I haven’t don’t that before!” But he proceeded. Not sure how long.
I woke up the next morning, hungover as hell and feeling abnormally worse about my decisions. I snuck to the bathroom to pee and it was painful – normal for post-sex I’d say. When I wiped, the paper was bright red. And no, immature assholes, it wasn’t my period. I knew from the pain I had from merely sitting on my butt that it wasn’t.
I grabbed my clothes and left – I lost my fake septum ring there, which I guess we can say is a blessing in disguise.
I cried the whole subway home. I came home to an empty apartment and sat in this feeling of violation. This wasn’t typical post-hook up regret. This was something deeper. I felt like a part of me had been taken – again, you assholes, not my anal virginity, but a sense of myself.
I told a couple friends who encouraged me to take action. And here starts the cycle of I went to the hospital alone feeling violated, got my rape kit done while feeling violated and walked home, feeling violated…
*
So that is my sexual assault story. But in a sense it’s also a cherry on top of my anti-dating philosophy. Is everyone on Tinder a rapist? No. Do I think all men are rapists? Begrudgingly, no. Do I think my friends are wrong for sleeping around? No. Do I think less of people who use apps? No.
But when I sit through conversations that orbit around matching with this guy, what’s the best line to intro with, what should my bio be – I can’t help but want to scream at people: “Stop it! Stop it right now! It doesn’t fucking matter, don’t let them win! You are valid and worthwhile without them!”
I’m just one person’s story though, and I’m sure there are others like me.
Sometimes I wish I knew more of those people, so I didn’t feel so isolated during such conversations.
Here’s hoping a Tinderless girl can find love in a Tinder world, too.
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Lost Battle
Sometimes you must reckon when it’s going to fail. What’s the point in boarding a boat meant to sink? There’s no shame in backing down, only the bravery to do so.
One might look back on the past few days and think that the hunting season was short and frustrating and I’d say: yes.
I like to hunt. It’s something I’ve discovered about myself over the past few months. I also learned that I like when my preys aren’t easy to catch. That’s what I thought but when it becomes too hard I’m just too frustrated to continue. Like right now.
Perhaps I was influenced by my past experience with “the guy” and I thought it would follow the same easy path but I guess it won’t.
So here I am, giving up. Well, trying to give up.
And you know what? He’s been nothing but rude since yesterday so fuck him. Really. Fuck the fucker. I’m really set, well I’m lying, I’m like 60% in on the “let’s forget him” act. Depending on the following days it could rise up or change though.
Anyway, on another lighter note, I finally changed my septum ring to a thinner one that I can hide as I was tired of the big and ugly ass one I had it pierced with.
On a whim I decided to flip it up after lunch today and boy does that feels weird. I think I can get used to the fact it’s hidden up my nostrils the same I got used to it flipped down touching my philtrum but, what’s bugging me (lol dat pun), is that I feel so naked when it’s up and not visible. It’s like I built my new self with my septum pierced for the past 3 months and when it’s not visible I feel vulnerable. I truly think it’s an extension of myself somehow.
Though I’m still not sure it suits me, I just like having it pierced. I know it may sound weird but that’s how I feel.
I just merged three notes I wrote today in this post so, it feels weird once read.
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