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yuri-for-businesswomen · 4 months

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i think it's misguided to claim that trans activism goes against the interest of feminism. it's in the best interest of the movement to include ALL women, including those that don't have periods, can't get pregnant, women with "unattractive" bodies, etc. you don't have to be trans to experience any of this.

there are SO many cis women that are not affected by the causes you listed. post-menopausal women, infertile women, women who have had hysterectomies, etc. surely you would agree that feminism is still for them. i think the same goes for trans women. they face a unique kind of misogyny that feminism needs to address, and that means by tweaking the definition of woman.

the fluidity of the definition of woman is not harmful to feminism. its not bad or scary that more people can be helped by feminism. this happened in the 1960s and 70s with welcoming lesbians into the movement. people were concerned that doing so would hurt the movement; of course it didn't. alienating trans women is not the answer to your concerns.

"who are womans rights for ... if woman is a feeling one has or doesnt have and not a fixed characteristic?" the only thing ALL women have in common, is the feeling that they are women. trans men arent women because they dont have this feeling, and trans women ARE, which is why feminism is for them.

i understand being scared that feminism will lose all meaning, and that women will no longer be easily defined. but the concern of feminism is recognizing that fact. gender is enigmatic and that's not something to be afraid of. feminist theory has asked the question of what a woman is for decades.

this is stupid.

women who dont get periods for whatever reason are still and have still been affected by menstruation in their lifetime. when a younger woman doesnt get a period thats a sign of a health complication. infertile women are of the birthing sex so the whole topic still affects them, a lot. etc. none of this affects trans identified men, but it very much affects trans identified women.

this has been said a million times before and im sick and tired of this bullshit but what the fuck does feeling like a woman mean. its a circular definition. being of the female sex is the only definition of woman because any other meaning of woman is subjective and individual. feminists ask: what does it mean to be a woman? not: what is a woman? feminists over the centuries have been very aware that women are of the female sex and men over the centuries have been aware women are of the female sex and are to be subjugated and excluded.

men who outwardly „identify“ as women face the same as effeminate men who dont „identify“ as women. its homophobia and the backfiring of male ideals - its a male issue. men who dont adhere to masculinity are sanctioned by other men; men who are effeminate scare masculine men because it shows that femininity is not a natural state for women and that gender roles and norms are arbitrary which is an attack on what they deem the natural order of men dominating women. men are not able to articulate this but thats why they do it.

therefore trans identified men should go back to how it was when they were transvestites and transsexuals who belong with gay men. marginalised men deserve their own advocacy and women deserve their own advocacy and when it fits we can work together.

edit: i skimmed past the lesbian part at first. what the fuck

#ask

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release-the-hound · 8 months

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as a havanese owner, what would you say their energy levels are like? trainability? grooming needs? looking into getting small dogs in the future and havanese are on the list of possibilities

I think part of the reason Havanese are so wonderful for so many people is that their energy levels are extremely variable. A well bred Havanese should match its energy levels to its owners for the most part. There are days where I have only taken Whim outside to potty, and spent the rest of my time sick in bed, and she has happily cuddled up next to me and slept by my side. But she has also happily galloped alongside me for a 5km run, and been eager for more. Ultimately what Havanese want more than a specific amount of activity, is to be doing activity with their person.

Of course, I always celebrate doing more with your dog. I try to give Whim at least a 20 minute walk daily. Along with minimum 5 minutes dedicated training session and a food puzzle for enrichment. Often I am able to do more than that.

(One if my favorite off-leash adventures with Whim. A 3 hour walk through unusually deep snow. So many sniffs and lots of excellent recalls!)

When my sister died, I was frequently doing less, for weeks. And she didn't devolve into a frustrated barking mess, didn't chew up my apartment, she was a little bored, but she was never miserable. She just lay in my bed, by my side, day after day, until I was ready to face the world again.

(I cannot overstate how good Whim is at cuddling. If there was an international competition for it, she'd win it every year.)

I really think for disabled people, Havanese have the ideal energy level. You can meet their base needs fairly easily, but if you are up for adventure they're always ready to come along for a ride.

(Whim travels frequently on airplanes with me, and is always complimented on her good behavior.)

Grooming needs are the sticking point for many people, unfortunately. While Havanese are genrtically capable of producing a short coat, it's against the breed standard, and so I don't know of anyone intentionally breeding for that.

For me, a non-shedding dog is worth extra grooming, but I know that's not the case for a lot of people. I have Whim shaved about every 4 to 6 months. This means that I go over her coat to comb out any mats about once a week, and I trim the fur out of her eyes on occassion. But other than that, I dont worry about grooming. I bathe her when she's stinky and trim her nails when they get long, which you need to do with every dog. I know @girlhorse keeps Enzo in a much fuller coat. If you want to keep a fuller coat, she might be willing to talk about the grooming experience.

It's also worth noting that due to their small size, combing Whim's fur is like, a 20 minute process.

(I often miss Whim's coat from when I kept her long. She was so unbelievably adorable.)

Havanese are my FAVOURITE dogs to train bar none. I'm not a professional trainer in any sense of the word, but between group classes and my job I have seen how a lot of dogs learn. @thelittlespanielthatcould and I often compare Havs to a CKCS with a little more spunk. They are very clever and very eager to work with you, but when they have an opinion they make it clear.

Whim can be entirely focused on me for an hour long lesson. But she won't do work she's not fairly compensated for. Personally, I like a dog that won't let me push them around. If it's a hot day and I haven't given Whim enough water breaks, she'll march herself over to her bowl whenever she damn well pleases. If I'm not using a high enough value treat, she will take it from my hand and spit it on the ground. I like these things because I like dogs that set their own boundaries. I want my dog to tell me when she is tired or thirsty, when I'm not rewarding enough, when she's frightened. Because I get clear feedback from her on what I'm doing wrong, I can alter my methods very quickly to keep us in sync. I like that my dog can tell me something so clearly and I can say back to her "ok, I'm listening."

Whim does very well in Rally when I can afford the classes. She loved agility. Havanese also make great trick dogs. They have amazing handler focus (once they mature). They love spending time with you, so they love training. You just have to be fair to them. I guess I'd describe them as eager to engage, but not eager to please. She wants to spend time with me, she wants to play my games, but she isn't afraid to stand her ground if she's not having fun. Training her brings me so much fucking joy. Even writing about it now has put a smile on my face.

(Whim and I had so much fun in agility. She loved the tunnels so much she used to go off course just to run them a second or third time. Until I started bringing out the big guns (cheese) and suddenly she was an angel again lol.)

Realistically, no breed is ever going to be ideal for every person on the planet. But 2 words come to mind when I think of Havanese. Fexible: they thrive in many different living situations, energy levels, and activities. And Communicative, about their needs, their desires, their fears, their pain. They make it easy for dog owners to figure out what to do. For these reasons, I think Havanese match well with a lot more people than the average dog breed.

Whim has been my best friend for more than a decade. I have never second-guessed my decision to bring her into my life. I wake up every day knowing that I am profoundly loved. In my brightest moments I picture a future of adventure unfurling before us. In my darkest, her joy reminds me how to find my own.

TL,DR: Get a Havanese.

#sorry this is long and sappy and maybe excessively pro-havanese #but the thing is they are just. so. SO GOOD.#Whim has been my heart for 12 years. I adore her.#get a Havanese. the only decision with a 0 regret rate.#(i cant prove that but i know it in my soul)#Look at her! Hiking! Skiing! Agility! Obedience! Tricks! she can do it all!!!#i love my dog so much you guys #whim the havanese #havanese #dogs #dogblr #alt text #havanese pawpaganda #anomymous #asked and answered

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yj-98 · 8 months

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oh sick a car appreciator. what cars would u have based the redbird on?

oohhh im glad u asked... to preface this btw im a car appreciator not exactly an. expert. i love old (40s-80s) cars (i grew up w/ my dream car being an aqua 1965 mustang convertible) but im not like. incredibly knowledgeable

that being said :] ! onward with redbird thoughts

shes supposed to be a rear engined sporty little coupe. modified to high hell. i would wager the rear engine is more so that tim can have weapons (missiles? grenade launcher? a fucking flamethrower?) under the hood and less actually thinking abt what a rear engine could DO for his driving experience at the ripe age of 14. its got a lowered chassis (rear-engine has a lower center of gravity, and if its a rear-wheel drive then overall its saving even More space cramped in the back, and probably has a better "grip" on the road) and apparently has pop out scoops for better airflow.. probably for the best.

its also got a bulletproof windshield! and blacked out windows! are those even legal in jersey? no! the tire shields are fine i guess

my problem with red bird is that shes just a little ugly. like there are things in the body of this car that have potential (i like the pop out scoops but they make the overall silhouette of the car look sort of . back heavy in a bad way) but ultimately fall flat.

so im gonna look at some cars that i think still sell the look they were going for!! FROM his time period even!!

the ferrari testarossa (produced from '84-'96 and im looking at the late 80s/early 90 ones here)

this is my ideal car to base redbird on. its a mid-engine, which has the best overall center of gravity, and while it limits cabin space its not like we were worried abt tht with tim. its still a 2 door sports car with a low chassis. the air scoops dont need to pop out, it has room in the back for the drag 'schute that they wanted to include, and has the room in the front too. also! she looks KILLER in red<3

the pontiac firebird trans am (1993) + chevy corvette ('90 red c4)

this is included in case we do not want to look at ferrari. sporty! red! coupe! i have less to say abt these ones honestly

i could just start naming other sporty coupes but my point being like.... theres cars of this era with the look theyre going for that look perfectly fine in the three different price ranges (general motors making pontiac as their low-tier, chevrolet as their bigger make) and ferrari at the luxury tier

ik 15 years later tim gets a new redbird (2008 i believe) and i do believe they WERE referencing real cars for redbird i simply think. it would not look like that. and didnt have to! less is more. if you want a cool looking aerodynamic sports car then she should look sleek. redbird drawn in the comics doesnt look sleek she just looks silly </3

ultimately i dont want to change her too much from being tim's (say it with me) sporty little red coupe. because thats not a bad thing for a car to be! i just dont think there was that much thought into what the car should look like aside from looking at a picture of a sports coupe and going "ok now add a flamethrower and a parachute"

#IDK IF THIS WAS WHAT YOU MEANT ... sorry. but ty for asking i just spent over an hour looking at cars #asks #dd 🫀#ultimatecryptid #i LOVE muscle cars and older 40s-50s cars especially #tim drake #rook.doc #redbird #ref

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aonungyou-shit · 1 year

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Ma Rotxo [Part 2]

DNI/BYF

Ma Rotxo Masterlist

Pairing: Roxto x Lo'ak Twin Sister! Reader

Synopsis: You are running a little sick. But all that gets overshadowed when you talk about feelings.

( So sorry for the Delay! )

You Had gone closer to the tree’s today. Truthfully you had been so bored of being near the water. Also you were running really cold today so you figured it would be okay to skip today's lessons. And you Let Tsireya know.

You were covering yourself in the shawl that your grandmother had weaved for you when you were but a little younger. And in this moment it made you feel safe and warm.

“Y/N?”

You jolted! Turning around to see Rotxo who had a basket on his head and one at his side.

“My bad i didnt mean to startle you!”

“Rotxo? Oh do you need help with one of those?”

Rotxo smiled. Letting out a small huff before nodding. “Yes please”

Smiling you took the basket on his head and looked inside. Small Rocks, Tree Roots and some bark was there. “What are you collecting?”

“Some Herbs for some quick medicine. Roots and Rocks to mix em and all. I also have to gather some fruit farther into the trees”

“Want me to help with that? Im Good with Tree’s”

He let out a shy smile towards you looking at his empty basket before nodding. “Yes please”

“Let’s go then!”

Silently you two walked. Before it was you who made conversation

“How are your sisters”

“Well. They actually really want to meet tuk soon”

“That’s great! Tuk need a new bundle of friends to play with!” You spoke excited as you let him lead you away.

“They seem to really like you too. Constantly asking me if you’d come over after lessons”

You laughed a little before looking at him “what, you never brought a girl to your house?”

You watched as he turned into himself. His shy demeanor didn't go unnoticed by you. “No… not really”

“Oh! Sorry. I figured you may have”

“Why?”

“Well why not? Your very kind. Gentle on the eyes. And i think of you as a very mighty man”

Rotxo rose a brow at this. Never had someone thought of him as such. “Really?”

“Yes. Its a real shame if no one’s looked at you that way”

Rotxo paused now watching as you got ahead of him before he asks “why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“I mean im sure someone as you had many mighty warriors seeking to court you, What makes me .. special?”

You stopped. Now turning to look at him.

“Yeah i had a few suitors. All of which were mighty warriors. Always hunting, always helping take out the sky people. But they aren’t my type at all”

“Really? What is your type?”

You purse your lips together. Bitting the inner cheek before turning to look at him head on “you”

Eywa, you swore it may have been the cold or how loopy your mind felt. But you also weren’t a coward. You faced far scarier creatures, you’ve taken out the demons before and yet admitting to liking a boy was terrifying.

“Me?”

“Sure! You’re not only kind but you don’t Have an ego as most of them did. You’re very sweet and i saw the way you looked after your sisters. You’re an ideal man in my book”

Rotxo had a sudden rush of excitement run up his spine. As he came up next to you looking at you eye to eye. “So im really worth looking at?”

“Of course you are. You are strong, yes. You're Wonderful. I dont mind that you dont go out to hunt. But i find it so charming that you take care of your family when needed” You said smiling , stopping in front of a tree that he had guided you too.

“I think i should like you too meet my family” Rotxo asked.

You are smiling. The dull ache of your head was still there but it subsided and it left you at ease while you were talking to him.

“So you want me to get that fruit?”

“Yes please!”

“Wait down here and stick the basket up. Ill bring down many” You said gripping down on the tree. Its unfamiliar bark prickling at your hands as you kept climbing up and on.

You noticed that it wasn’t at its ripe stage. Its color is a clear indicator. No doubt this being the only fruit that was safe enough for a metkayina to reach.

You decided to head up to the sky where the air was clear and you could see as far as your eyes could reach. You missed feeling the wind this high. But you wasted no time throwing fruit down as much as you could before taking some down with your tail and your available hand.

Roxto looked at the basket as you dropped it. Questioning if you in fact came back with the right thing. But offering your already bitten fruit he had no doubt. It was sweet with a savory taste.

It was good, Eywa how thankful was he for you

“Come Let us deliver this to your family! Id be happy to see it to meet your family” You said, taking the basket you had previously in your hands. Waited for him to lead you to his home.

======================

Taglist: 32/34

@azaleaniath / @alana69s

Perma Taglist: 13/15

@fanboyluvr / @oasis-balli

#atwow imagines #atwow #avatar the way of water #rotxo x reader #atwow rotxo #rotxo x y/n #rotxo imagine #rotxo fanfiction

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weirdcat1213 · 11 months

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Its time for the weekly horrors- I mean Trimax vol 3 >:3

The Thoughts:

chap 1:

-AH EVERYTHING IS FALLING

-bro you are about to get into a fight can you stop thinking about your bf for 5 minutes

-fr tho, vash's words making him hesitate/angry is so dcfgjhbkml

-why everyone wants my babygirl dead :c

-now now, comparing someone with their brother isnt a nice thing to do

-oh so now we're not even making an allegory, he actually called him jeesus

-also "your soul is forced to endure the sorrow by the hundreds, suffering by the thousands, and the rage by the hundreds of thousands" im gonna throw up cuz of how that GOOD and PAINFUL that shit is

-the polar opposite of being a human huh...i mean besides something i said weeks ago about how he's further away from humanity more than he would like that point is interesting cuz most of the time we call him someone who is more human than any other person. he carries more pain than any human could endure and definitely has more patience than anyone will ever have but...hm...i want to come back to this

-ww pls dont make me cry today pls honey

-oh im gonna cry

-"your ideals will join you in the grave" i fucking hate thats the reason why we all try to be better people, thanks to that fucking wet cat of a man i cannot deal actually

-MILLIE :D

chap 2:

-i dont have much to say about battles but let it be on the record that I'm enjoying ww's eyes sm

-oh page 38 is cool as hell

-OH SHIT IS THAT HIS FUCKING SPINE????

chap 3:

-ww stop having pretty eyes youre distracting

-meanwhile :3

-ah geesus the body horror (so good but creepy)

-EYES :D

-so many fucking details. nightow got down even the smallest scribbles, as 98 vash would say

-oh right that....thats still upsetting

-i fucking swear people need to leave my son alone

-also fucking hate that he had to SHOOT A BABY even if it was fake

-I FUCKING HATE THIS ACTUALLY

-i can feel his fucking mind breaking i cant do this

chap 4:

-"i cant do this" yet here i am lmao

-i think if vash held me like hes holding that girl a lot of my problems would be resolved ngl

-characters reciting names always get to me :c

-also HA EAT THE PTSD ASSHOLE

-"why are there so many" brad you may want to sit down for this one

-..................i deadass thought "oh the doctor is here" IVE READ THIS BEFORE AND I FELL FOR IT AGAIN

-vash with his hair down :3

-nah hes not gonna kill you BUT HE FUCKING SHOULD

-oh i will kill so many people (vash is bleeding)

-hm. this reminds me of something in houseki no kuni (i wont spoil but maybe ichikawa had trigun as inspo which would be cool af)

chap 5:

-oh im yeeting myself (ww thinks about the children) -ww gives in his anger and fear when punching those weirdass faces but I'm gonna say this once: that doesn't make him weaker or worst. i haven't seen anyone think that of ww, i just feel that when he compares himself to vash he feels that way and i cant stand it :)

-vash i fucking swear-

-oh god the fingers...the fucking fingers...

-oh you are NOT talking to my vash about pain and agony

-OH WAIT I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT PANEL OH GOD NO I HATE REREADS WTF

-XD my girls

no wait i need to get back to that. i thought that was emilio's dad not fucking vash himself oh my god I'm sick so sick actually wtfffffffffffff

chap 6:

-is this the chapter with the gays eyes cuz I'm not ready for that-

-oh fuck you nightow. fuck you for putting knives in the title page and the title being "families"

-i want to punch so many things but I'm at work. fuck

-also i forgot about this stampede parallel GOD WHEN DOES MY SUFFERING END

-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE GAY EYESSSSSSS

-yeah i agree this is literally the moment. like fuck. fuck actually. fuck what else is there to say.

-fuck

-like hes so fucking terrified that he was afraid for him, what his journey is causing ww, but even if he wanted ww to stay away and safe he knows ww would say fuck off, but also vash would not be able to take it

-THERES SO MUCH FEAR AND LOVE IN THOSE EYES IM GONNA BITE MY HAND

-OH I CANT ACTUALLY WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH WTF

-im so fucking upset cuz the last 3 chapters were basically fights. they were full of energy and shit but now that is over and they are in a rare moment of peace, and everything fucking hits.

-im gonna go outside and step into oncoming traffic

-YES LUIDA MY QUEEN SHUT HIM UP

-WOLFWOOD :D pls never leave me

-i....*implodes*

-i am nothing. i just remembered that.

-OH CMONNNNNN

chap 7

-maybe i dont want to read trimax anymore. maybe a little person like me isn't strong enough for a 2nd round of the pain. with that in mind, lets keep reading :D

-WHERES THE NIGHTOW PUNCHING BAG WHEN YOU NEED IT

-wolfwood what he is it doesnt matter i swear pls cant you just love him?

-:c

-i dont like vash being emotionally attached to stuff cuz that means i have to yell HES LIKE ME FR FR

-oh that....that beautiful panel...amazing

-i think my mind blocked this out because of the previous sad things that happened, so now my brain is allowing me to process more sad things :3

-"i still have so much i must do" and i see i still have many tears to cry out huh?

-ofc wolfwood would ask about redemption

-cant my man show an important part of his past and show vulnerability in front of his friends in peace? damn

-im gonna start bitting my glasses

-GAY MOMENT PART 2 INCOMING

-luida pls i want to stop crying

-oh wolfwood honey....you just fell so hard for my man didnt ya

-i just realized the chapter is called "life as a" and I THINK the idea is to complete it with "life as a 'vash the stampede'" cuz he's not human

OK GREAT NOW I CAN RUN TO THE WASHROOM AND FUCKING CRY :D

#trigun #trimax #trigun maximum #trigunbookclub #nightow sir #i will meet you and i will end you #and then buy you coffee

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dirteater69 · 5 months

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i watched wendigoons analysis of no country for old men earlier today and it got me thinking of themes in stories reflected through characters, and i started thinking about the themes of the killjoys fic im currently writing and how they reflect through the characters, so im gonna write some of it down now before i forget. im only on the third chapter and there will be at least ten when im finished, but this is based on what i have written and planned currently so i hope it makes sense. the main themes are pretty vague in my mind, but im thinking it will be along the lines of how real people shape themselves into characters+how real events are mythologized, how ideologies and hopes affect people, heroism and villainy, how committing and experiencing violence changes someone, what normalcy means, clinging onto or rejecting social norms in times where they have kind of lost all meaning.

in this post i will mainly write about how these themes reflect in the characters of jet star and party poison (at least how i write them) and their relationship and thoughts about each other.

party wants to be the hero and shapes themselves into that character: they are the leader of the killjoys, they are very charismatic and a good fighter, later on they become an important figure in zones society in the wake of the analog wars and lead many battles. they end up being seen as a hero by many and their actions in battles and other things about them are talked about around the zones as myths or folktales.

the thing is, deep down, party does not see themself as a hero. they feel that they have something at their core — whether that’s queerness, inability to conform to other social rules, committing violence — that makes them unable to embody the ideal of a hero that they have in their head. they feel that because there is something ‘wrong’ with them, they don’t deserve to get the things they want. this manifests most obviously in the story in their romance with jet, where they think that they can never, or should never, be in a relationship with him because they would taint his (perceived by them) normalcy and moral purity with their wrongness and strangeness; however, this is only part of the fact that they dont believe themself deserving of a good life at all.

they are the first of the killjoys to ever kill someone: it happens when they are all escaping battery city, and party ends up accidentally killing one of the bl/ind guards chasing them down. though this action may have saved all their lives, party still feels immense shame and horror at having done it. the night after, their first night in the zones, they have a nightmare where they are eating the body of the man they killed, and jet appears to kill them in a way reminiscent of putting down a sick animal. at their core, party believes that they are a villain and a danger to the people around them.

of course, in the middle of a horrible war, the zones needs a hero. that is what party shapes themself into: a loud, confident, violent leader of the zonerunners to take down bl/ind once and for all. there’s a sort of split in party’s identity, where on the outside, they are the hero of the zones, but on the inside, they believe themself to be a morally corrupt fraud who is going to ruin everything good and beautiful they touch. combined, this makes for an absolute monster of a martyr complex: if they die for a good cause, then the world will both be better because the thing they’re fighting for (the freedom of the zones, the destruction of bl/ind) has succeeded, and because the evil that they bring into the world simply by existing is gone.

one other thing i want to touch on with party is how they deal with social norms. before beginning life in the zones they knew they were nonbinary but didn’t really have a safe way to express it besides going by they/them around kobra and later, when they met, the other killjoys, but when they enter the zones they begin to present more femininely. in the first chapter, party and ghoul (who is transmasc, and who i have a ton of other thoughts about) have a whole conversation about gender, which might be one of my favorite parts that ive written so far, and it ends with them swapping pieces of the school uniforms they had to wear at the school in battery city, with party wearing ghouls skirt and ghoul wearing their pants. i haven’t written any more in that vein yet, but i want to explore party’s gender more in the fic. they are definitely very open to rejecting gender norms, at least when they have the opportunity, and it’s an extremely joyful experience for them to present the way they want, but it still sort of claws at them. to them, gender nonconformity doesn’t fit with that idea of heroism that they have. when they present more femininely, they almost feel like they’re betraying the people in the zones that believe in them, like they’re ruining the hero.

this is where we get to their perception of jet star. i mentioned earlier how they feel like he’s too good for them to pursue him romantically, but there is so much more to that. to party, jet is the ideal of heroism that they feel they should be; more so, he represents the ideal of american masculinity that they betray when they present femininely. they piece together true and half-true things about him to create a version of him in their mind that they can compare themself to, furthering their idea of themself as a villain. when they decorate the masks and ray guns of all the killjoys, they make jets red, white, and blue. this idolization also ties into the shame that they feel about the violence that they commit. there is of course the nightmare they have of him killing them for having killed the bl/ind guard, but there is also the fact that while they are a very active fighter in the analog wars, jet mainly works in the medical tents. they destroy things, he fixes things. (never mind the fact that the destruction they commit is against bl/ind) this idolized idea of jet eventually ends up clashing with the real him in a scene late in the fic, where they have a whole breakdown at him about how bad of a person they are, including how they’ve ‘ruined’ him by simply being his friend. he doesn’t have a clue what they’re talking about.

but what is actually going through jet stars head throughout all of this? well, while party is eager to show themself as a hero, jet tries to portray himself as the ‘everyman’, the regular person in a world of chaos and absurdity. this is how he’s been coping with the trauma he’s experienced at the hands of bl/ind: he is sent away from his family’s farm in zone 8 to a ‘reformation academy’ in battery city, and ends up staying there for several years before escaping with the other killjoys, but throughout those years he thinks of it as something fleeting and temporary; surely, he’ll get back to zone 8 soon, to return to his normal life. he’s not actually some kind of crazed desert rebel like the rest of the killjoys, he’s just a regular american farm boy who’s been thrust into a strange situation by forces beyond his control, and as soon as he gets the opportunity he’ll return to that life. even when beginning life in the inner zones, surrounded by the stranger aspects of zone culture, this is how he thinks and portrays himself to others — or, at least, tries to. it’s related to how he deals with trauma. while party thinks of the bad things that they’ve been through as yet another thing that makes them wrong and unfit, yet another thing that makes them the villain, they at least acknowledge that it’s happened. jet just tries to suppress those thoughts completely.

however, his entire idea of returning to a normal life in zone 8 falls apart once he sees what’s happened to it. when he travels to zone 8 for the first time in years, it’s entirely under the control of bl/ind, unrecognizable from the wholesome farm society he remembers. his plans for a normal life — and, furthermore, his thoughts of himself as a normal person — begin to fall apart when he sees the place representative of his old life destroyed. party is with him in that scene, and though he has to break through all his layers of emotional repression for it and it makes him almost feel physically sick, he manages to explain some of his issues to them. one of the things they say in response is something that will be very relevant to both their character arcs: “normal isn’t a thing anymore”.

jet is soon embroiled in the chaos of the analog wars along with the other killjoys, but he still clings to some ideas of normalcy. whereas party is an avid fighter, jet stays out of battles until it is absolutely necessary for him to join, instead helping out in the medical tents and administering first aid on the battlefield. though he isn’t explicit about it, he does kind of look down on the zonerunners most active in the fighting, especially the ones that don’t show any shame or remorse about the violence they commit and sometimes even delight in it (cough cough, a certain bomb-building thrill-chasing black-haired city-born adrenaline junkie with no regard for social niceties, mayhaps?).

of course, the main exception for this is party poison, because love makes you ever the hypocrite — and it is love that he feels for them, though he doesn’t realize it, and certainly wouldn’t admit it for the majority of the story. party falls for his front of the normal, well-adjusted american farm boy, and he falls for their charismatic hero persona in turn. while he does help people in his role as a medic, and sees it as far more preferable to shooting peoples brains out with a blaster, bl/ind goons or not, he finds his unwillingness to fight kind of cowardly. this ties into many other things he believes about himself, like shame about not having fought back against bl/ind when they were taking over zone 8 and he still lived there, as well as the idea that he can’t truly be useful to his community. the latter relates heavily to his issues with normalcy and his own identity: he’s spent so much effort on trying to make himself as palatable as possible that he’s almost cheated himself out of an identity, trying to appear normal to the point where he feels like he doesn’t have any real good traits or talents left. party is the opposite of all of this for him. they are loud and unapologetic about who they are (or, who they want people to think they are), they don’t have any qualms about doing what they have to in order to save the world, they are the ideal of a true zonerunner and hero.

circling back to jet, the thing about him is that he is not as normal as he tries to make himself seem. throughout the story, he slowly gets more comfortable showing small, strange parts of himself to the people around him. he seems to have taken party’s words to heart, at least partially: normal isn’t a thing anymore. it’s only small things, he still deals with some heavy repression of trauma and trouble facing a lot of his own feeling and desires, but its a start. he has his own quirks and absurdities, his own traits that make him a unique and fucked up person. i don’t have every part of those developments planned out, but i know that at least some of it will be in relation to gender, like growing his hair out and presenting more femininely in other ways. he would have a lot more inhibitions to let go off before really being able to face his thoughts about his own gender than party would, just due to the environment and pressures he’s been raised with. (a full exploration of jet’s gender would not really fit in this fic just with the story outline I have planned, but i might write a continuation that goes more into detail. my hc for jet’s gender in the music video era is a he/she transfem, though this fic takes place many years before that and jet still thinks of herself as a cis guy for most of it.) the point being, jet is not actually the one of the killjoys who is the most normal; he is just the one who’s the best at pretending to be.

when jet and party actually acknowledge their feelings for each other, they both have to break down a lot of emotional barriers to do so, and it’s a large part of them beginning to reject the characters they’ve resigned themselves to. party has to realize that they are not an inherently horrible person and that they do deserve to live a good life, that jet is not an untouchable object that they’ll ruin by being close to. jet has to accept that he’s allowed to love someone he’s been taught he’s not allowed to love, that just because he’s in a relationship unlike the ones he’s ‘supposed’ to want doesn’t make it any less real. it heavily involves them letting each other off the pedestals they’ve put each other on, and loving the real person underneath the persona. that is actually an interesting thing that is true for both of them: while they fixate on the fronts that the other puts up, it’s the real person underneath that they fall in love with. jet idolizes the heroic leader that party tries to be, but falls in love with their kindness and vulnerabilities. party envies jets projected normality and righteousness, they fall in love with the strange quirks that make him who he is.

their emotional journeys won’t have full resolutions in this fic, but if i finish it i will probably write a continuation in which the analog wars have ended and there is more focus on the characters emotional development. it would show more of that theme of them letting go of the roles they’ve placed themselves in: party realizing that they don’t need to act a specific way or have a certain personality to be a hero, they just need to help people; jet letting go of his attachment to normalcy. they don’t need to be perfect heroes, they don’t need to follow specific norms or rules. they just need to be who they are, and that’s some fucked up kids stuck in a fucked up situation just trying to make the best of it.

of course, even with those emotional issues resolved, they still struggle. I mentioned at the beginning the theme of real events being turned into myths, and that would certainly be relevant to the killjoys, especially to party. during the analog wars, the image of party poison as a hero and leader of the zones spread quick and they were mythologized into an almost godlike figure. (this is true for the other killjoys as well, but not to such an extent.) this image comes to haunt them even when the wars have ended: wherever they go, they are expected to live up to this idea of themself that they have long since let go of and never even really fit in the first place. the mythologizing is to the point where certain people who preach about the figures of party poison and the killjoys don’t even know what they actually look like.

there is also the fact that while the analog wars have technically ended, there are still attacks occasionally made by bl/ind, and the killjoys have to defend themselves with violence whether they like it or not. the ‘end’ of the analog wars also brings along some other questions about the themes: how do the killjoys deal with the absurdity of their lives when they can no longer blame it on existing in an active war zone? how do they rebuild their lives after all that non-stop violence? again, this is if i finish the fic im currently writing.

im not sure how to end this post but it’s been fun to write and i hope other people might enjoy reading it. i might write a similar one about how the same themes reflect in fun ghoul and kobra kid, but i dont know.

#read my meta analysis of my unfinished unposted fic boy #danger days #mcr danger days #party poison #jet star #danger days the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #ttlotfk

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wewontdieunbloomed · 1 year

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this is part two of unlearning the bad things i unconsciously learnt from last year.

part one was the negative default pessimism i fall in to, which i keep calling it me being emo which means i dwell in my “misery” for far too long, instead of trying to think of something positive to get myself moving out of the bad zone i am in. as we are often told, sadness and negativity gets comforting, it feels like you are protecting yourself. but one cannot see beauty in life and find joy for oneself if one does not make oneself vulnerable.

and so making myself vulnerable is what ive been doing. trying to romanticise this state that im in, a liminal space, at crossroads. its not the most ideal, too many things are unknown and for the first time in my life im dealing with having barely any structure to my days, with nothing to do yet so much i should do.

it took me quite a while to stop lamenting this unknown and start returning to the foundations i built this blog and my entire philosophy off, the whole concept of “lest we die unbloomed” of making sure i dont realise one day ive wasted my time. and in small parts i like to think ive made progress on that

the focus now is the second part. i lost a lot of my attention span and impulse control, and today i reached a horrible point where i am sitting on the kitchen floor at 9 with no dinner, having ruined my microwave dinner out of a lack of common sense. i am not sure if all this recent muddling is because of covid brain fog or the horrifying amount of screen time i have had recently, but i was so sick of it. i have done a lot of things on impulse recently, and though today i had a really fulfilling day spending time with people i havent in a long time, when i got home and im back to reality of the things i havent done and been procrastinating for too long on, i felt horrible. this need to change, i realised.

so this is part two. it calls back to one of the values i set as something important to myself, being honest with myself. i know what im doing now is not working. i know that even though i use my planner im not sticking to it. i know my todo lists are not helping me. then why do i stubbornly stick to methods i know dont work? i told myself a year ago i would not change my system if it doesnt need to be changed. i have forgotten that i need to change it when it does. how silly! so im changing.

so in the last 2 hours in order to get myself up ive written todo lists on paper instead of in my journal. used a timer for every single step from shower to sweeping the floor to brushing my teeth. enough lazing around and letting simple things occupy too much time. its a parkinsons law thing.

enough doomscrolling and opening instagram when i have nothing to do. im setting a limit for a block of time in the day where i am not allowed to use social media, pwrhaps not any internet at all. i need to make drastic change, even if it seems inconsequential. it might not be academic but its personal. and my personal life and what i want to do with my time is worth taking big measures for, because it should be more important than all that revision for exams i used to do.

so the point f this ramble is to clear things out with myself. make some sense of whats goijg on. have a direction. tomorrow i have an interview. ill come home and do the chores i have to. prepare for my afternoon activity. go for lunch and my afternoon appointment. go for a run. buy dinner. write my applications. research on uni stuff. read a book. and all the other tint things i need to give more importance to even though they seem inconsequential. it sa new mantra ive gotten into ever since part one of this. that “this is the way” this is the new way. enough lazing. its time to go hard and be rurhless. take things up a notch because when else can i do it? go big from experiences to measures i have to take to discipline myself. this is the way.

04.04.2023

#productivity #motivation #100 days of productivity #self improvement #student #lifestyle

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ortelassa-goldstein · 8 months

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THIS IS ALL COMPLICATED (except Gale lol)

Another shitpost about my beloved tav Haltyrr. Now about her relationship with companions. More details under the cut.

template by @raysoffrost, thank you!

(Please note - everything below is written on behalf of my oc. My own opinion may be different! I find all the characters charming, but from Hal's point of view it's a little more complicated) (oh and pls ignore my bad english, i try my best, thank you)

Shadowheart. This girl is harmed. She bleeds painfully right front of me and pretend to be fine, pretend no one sees her weakness. She NEEDS something. Protection, maybe? I dont understand. She is so funny in her pathetic rudeness. When I look at her, I feel my own weakness, and it's sucks. I should stay away. Lae'zel. I never seen githyanki before, and this woman was mystery… For some time. She's annoying, she's predictable, and… amazing in her faith. I adore her directness and urgency to fight to the death for her ideals, but also this is a blindness. She always follows the line of least resistance. People like Laezel are good on battlefield. I need these type in our journey, but she and i will never be an equal and never understand each other. Maybe one day she'll try to kill me, or, maybe I'll kill her first. Karlach. A simple woman, maybe too simple for me, but, in any case, she knows how to prioritize correctly and live in the present moment. She is very sensitive and perfectly defuses the situation if tense raises because of someone else's sick ego. We need her. Actually, I think, everyone needs a woman like Karlach. Jaheira. I don't know how to treat her. Sometimes she looks so much like me and this is pisses me off. But sometimes I find sweet how she grumbles and looks at everyone like at stupid children. I'm sure she sees it too - we are quite similar, and it's better for us to keep a respectful distance from each other, otherwise one day well fight to death, and then we both regret it. Halsin. Well, he's huge, a druid and an elf at the same time. It's a terrible mix in my opinion. Sometimes I'm just freaking SCARED of him. Druids are strange af. Elven druids?! Please don't. Part of me despises Halsin for just running away from his beloved grove when it needs a competent guidance more than anything else, but at least my weirdos like him. (or I'm too soft-hearted). Gale. If someone hurts Gale, it will be the last thing they will do in their lives ever. (I wish I could beat the shit out of his ex, but it's hard with goddesses.) Perhaps this man is the only one from all over the upper world who really understands and accepts me. I don`t know how he did it, but my trust in him is unshakable. Magic, probably. Astarion. I don't blame him for trying to survive. I blame him for doing it ridiculously. Sometimes he tires me so much that I want to tie him up and throw into the river. Next to Astarion, I feel like a babysitter, and this is the last thing I would like to do in our situation. I think sooner or later this pathetic elf will get angry because of a something Very Important For Him in a teenager way and leave, and it would be noble of me not to stick a dagger in his back. If you want to be respected, respect in return, darling. Wyll. I don't understand what he's still doing in my camp at all. I mean, I've heard so many rude things from him about how unreasonably cruel I am that it's even funny. I behave quite decently and don't even point out to Wyll that he seems to be much more interested in wine, pretentious speeches and condemning everyone in a row (me in particular), instead of doing, you know, things. He also brought this annoying devil with him. Oh, spider queen, give me strength.

#tav #oc #nonsims #oc: Haltyrr Symryvvin #bg3 oc #bg3 tav #template #bg3 relationship chart

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oathofkaslana · 3 months

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hi!!!! since you are the number one-est collie fan I have ever met,,

at what point (if they even do do.) in the story do you think they’ll end up roping her back in?? since she (and A TON of other characters. like cyno. to be fair) has a ton of un-expanded lore that is very, very end game reminiscent ,?

hi >p< i tooootally didnt forget about this...........

anyways. hmm... w the role she's currently playing i dont think they'll necessarily pull her in for teyvat lore as a whole. if anything i could see them pulling her back for sumeru and dottore lore since that's where her lore connections intentionally shine! i'd like to see her in mondstadt more but i really dont think her role there should be related to mond lore. various list below:

cyno -> obviously her being a narrative parallel of cyno (literally acknowledged in the game btw..) i could see the archon residue somehow working w temple of silence and hermanubis lore.

nahida and wanderer -> this is less likely and i dont even know the ideal way they could add it in now since my ideal for them requires a rewrite of sumeru..... but these three make me sick in the head w the way theyre narratively linked and missed opportunity, especially since collei's religious trauma could've made sumeru and its introduction of the samsara cycle a lot more powerful since itd be another strong way of connecting the religious tension in sumeru to khaenri'ah

and. reading that back thats a bit difficult to follow but i cant phrase it very coherently but my thought process there is like:

devotees -> nilou, dunyarzad (kusanali); the people of the rain forest (rukkhadevata); the people of the desert (al-ahmar); fatui? (tsaritsa)

atheist/treats godhood differently -> collei (antagonistic towards the gods because of teh fatui, hesitantly cautious now); dottore (literally aiming to to ascend a mortal to divinity); khaenri'ah (dislikes the gods at the most and completely neutral to them at the least. keep in mind khaenri'ah's entrance is below sumeru); abyss sibling

oh yk.. -> wanderer (sees godhood as a role he needs to play and becomes an artificial god); the sages (literally kept nahida locked up and tried replacing her with another god); traveler (general neutrality on the archons?)

anyways. all that to say i think in a religious commentary, collei's character would've helped examine the religious tensions in sumeru AND dottore. <- literally a big part of my non-existent sumeru rewrite btw kbsdknj. like. lore-wise it'll be important yes but mostly because it's important to sumeru.

archon biology ig -> i could also seeing them use her to teach us about archon residue kinda like the baizhu story quest.

#gi #asks #aaaaa the cllei in my mind is so so beautiful and pertinent to sumeru as a whole please dont look at the in game cllei mhy stole my oc #monard/crepe tag #anyways TY FOR THE ASK <3333 I LOVE TALKING ABT THINGS LIKE THIS YAYYYYYY #i hope youre having a wonderful night crepe :) <3

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bytchysylvy · 5 months

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BODY THOUGHTS ESSAY PART 3/3

SOU CAST

(they werent meant to be spoilers but i forgot to mention it before so now its going to feel like a punch i guess, brace or dodge bitch)

rydara has a lot of mixed emotions because on one hand, he is soft and buff just as the vazuvyn ideals predicted, but on the other he is highly influenced by mortal media which looks at his build and the general largeness of vazuvyr with disgust. Dont even get him started about being a trans man while being the last child of udysna in a matriarchal society we dont have time for it. He is deeply insecure about his body and the binge eating problem isn't helping.

dathevar likes to think himself as the worlds fattest fuck and hopes to get fatter actually. his weight grounds his telekinesis and makes him literally, measurably more powerful than you could ever know. Hopes you bully him for it too because thats his kink. We are dealing with a sick fuck pervert here and we are all trapped on this planet with him.

vokutlvek has what theyre calling "post occupation syndrome" which is a self explanatory catch all diagnosis. For him it looks like his heart randomly giving out and fainting, chronic fatigue, the inability to get the strength he once had back, and erectile dysfunction. Only the other syrodsik and a few doctors know about it, he's too insecure about what's going on with him to be open about it. The fact he isn't as lean as he used to be gets to him despite the fact that most vazuvyr who lived through the occupation are now chubbier than they were before it, and its seen as a good thing, because to him its a reminder of whats going on. His body takes up more space now and he has nothing to show for it. Fears one day all his strength will be gone and he will be a useless drain on his kin.

azrem is a typical anorexic. Granted it comes less from a place of appearance and more that he is hypersensitive and gaining five pounds will feel like carrying a small child on him. And he already feels weak tired and exhausted for reasons no one could possible know so he cant afford to carry around more weight. While his appearance is very much not the vazuvyn ideal for a man he knows there is a subset of those who like his body type (such as his husband) and he tries his best to stay all dolled up to maintain that boytoy look.

qamkii is a perfectly plump little juicy pear of a man. he knows what he has. no notes.

medinyolv suffers from the dysphoria of wanting to turn themself into a dragon or perhaps a griffin. Outside this, they do not think much of their body except for how annoying it is to be so, so tiny among these giants. Its hard to let beauty standards get to you when you literally do not have a body like everyone around you.

udysna much enjoys being big and soft. its not that deep, she likes to roll down hills and likes having all the cushion she can have. she doesn't think, let alone about what mortal's think of her body.

norket knows he is a creature of great beauty and should never hide

the feelings silence has toward his body are beyond words, neither in a positive or negative way just. weird to exist like this but completely natural to do so

debatable if unknown has a body but if they do then its perfect

raqa is the most insecure specimen known to science. she could blow away in the breeze at any moment and is constantly aware of this. thinness being favored by mortals doesn't make her feel any better, vazuvyn women don't look like that, they arent skinny, who wants skinny bitches. she doesn't. she was spotted in seattle in need of a fat bitch.

panatyl loves her body because she will use it to tear you apart. doesnt know who attractiveness is or what it is.

glydenoras is ok. She's at an age where she has her clique of people who are attracted and available to her. Doesn't need much else other than that. Gets a little annoyed that people will think she's pregnant and ask considering how much trauma she has around it with all but one of her children being dead.

kudelsa has the benefit of being an age-old beauty ideal. Full hourglass figure complete with a thick waist. Of course she has a good relationship with her body. Though she keeps her attire reserved because its something sacred for only a few worthy of it. Her body is a temple, she takes care of it like one.

buvikiro is in the same boat but also is a beauty ideal for mortals since he has that stupid tiny waist. Knows she's a sex symbol to both mortals and vazuvyr dresses to appeal to both groups. Her body is an amusement park, open to anyone who can pay the fee.

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blackswallowtailbutterfly · 7 months

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i dont see how criticizing men for procreating under dismal conditions exonerates israel from its genocidal behavior. as a future parent, the life conditions your child would endure have to be considered far above facts such as how much you want to get your dick wet, and yes, ahead of the 'but if i don't breed my people will disappear :(' kind of populism. none of this is blaming the women... i just dont see why this is ok if men are oppressed enough. they never NEED to put a baby in a woman.

You know, it's interesting. My mom used to say that people in Ethiopia suffering famine shouldn't be having children. My mom was a seventeen-year-old stripper when she got pregnant with me. Abortion was fully legal in my country at the time, as it is now. Contraceptives were available too, but she had never used them. And many would argue she shouldn't have had children in the circumstances she was in, and in fact I would agree it was a poor choice--she wasn't a very good parent.

But she didn't see it that way. To her the situation was normal. To her, as long she didn't treat her kids as badly as she was treated, she was doing okay. And that's the point. It's easy to look back and say, hey, having kids in that situation wasn't a good idea. But everyone normalizes their own situation in the moment. Everyone hopes things will get better.

Should men take more responsibility and not coerce women into pregnancies they don't want? Yes. They should do that period. In the most ideal, most peaceful circumstances that have ever or could ever occur in our species' existence they should be still be doing that. Women should have 100% reproductive autonomy at all times.

That is not the reason zionists are saying people in Palestine shouldn't have children. It's not why conservatives say people on welfare shouldn't have children. It's not why my mom said people in Ethiopia shouldn't have children. It's racism and classism--and yes, misogyny too.

If you think no women ever desire to have children in less than ideal circumstances, you should consider that no woman anywhere knows what a truly liberated society for women is like. None of us have lived it. And people normalize their situations if they have nothing tangible or accessible to compare it to. An average woman growing up in a highly misogynistic, isolated village with only rumours, if even that, of a better place for women probably isn't going to think consciously that that's a terrible place to bring a baby into. Hell, even if a bad situation has gone on long enough. You either think, this will get better eventually, or that, hey, I've survived this long, it's not so bad.

Now, some people indeed think no one should reproduce; that our species should just die out and "let nature heal" as it were. I think that's a fine choice to make for yourself. I fully support people not having kids (for men that means vasectomy or no pro-creative sex) if they don't want them. But you don't get to make that choice for others--especially for people in the middle of a genocide.

Palestinian women who got pregnant a few months ago (some will have been coerced, of course, men do that everywhere, but others won't have) didn't know this attack was coming at this time. And even in the midst of this attack? I promise you many women who have lost babies, sick with grief, will be looking to have more children. That may not make sense to you, who is not in that circumstance, but it doesn't have to. Palestinian men are not worse than other men.

There is a genocide happening, and people need to stop buying into genocidal logic, whether under the guise of feminism or otherwise.

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ramrage · 1 year

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God, I'm going to fucking kill myself i swear to fucking god. I don't know how I could've fucked my morning any more than I already fucking have. Here, let me detail to you how I am a fucking incompetent idiot:

Phone fucking shut off in the middle of the night so I get woken up an hour late. Shit's not turning on so I scramble to my laptop to tell my boss about the situation. This is perhaps the one thing that is not my fault, but tbh the list on such things starts and ends here

I decide that as it would lead me to being an hour late at least, it'd be better if I worked from home and so I let my boss know that my phone fucking shat itself and as such I'll be working from home lest I be terribly late. because that would be annoying right? well this was the wrong move, for anyone who is in a similar situation. he says something to the effect of "okay whatever you can work from home but not sure how a broken phone necessitates this"a nd like. whatever. fair. i could've. it wouldve been a bit more difficult since i have my train tickets on my phone but i could by more in person and then id be phoneless throughout the day and ideally id fix this shit asap but i dont have to

we're working on this post, which should've been entirely resolved and ready to go this morning, but i sent him the wrong copy for the post which we had discussed last night, so he was like wtf no dont you remember the change? and ugh. yes. i do. i did. belatedly. strike one.

then he wants to tag companies associated with the post except for one company. im fucking frazzled by my completely stupid fuck up and misread it as "tag companies associated with the post LIKE that one company" which struck me as odd since they're apparently weird about us posting about them. whatever. so i go through and list all the companies and send it his way to get an okay, but he's like. write out the company names properly. and this part is just a misunderstanding because the names will correct to the company's page name so it doesn't matter, but i guess he didn't know this which is fine and given my idiot fuckup not moments prior, a reasonable concern

i explain this, fine, and send him a screenshot of the drafted post with the tagged companies. including the one he said to not tag. fuck. now he's pissed like, i literally said to tag everyone /but/ them are you even paying attention. it would appear as if im not. what strike are we on now?

i correct that. he asks me to tag another company, which i do. turns out i didn't tag one of the /other/ companies that i had sent in the shorthand list and now he's fucking PISSED sending in all caps that i need to proof my work and that this post shouldn't be taking 30 minutes. absolutely correct, sir, it should not. i don't even know what to tell you at this point.

like holy shit. this was fucking brutal. i dont think i have ever been so fucking off my shit, and it was fucking THING after THING you would assume that after the first gaff, i'd be extra sensitive to making my list and checking it several fucking times over, but im just, fucking frazzled and i know we wanted this up before the start of the work day ideally so I'm rushing, and i already fucked up with the whole going in thing, which i honestly dont do much because i am scheduled to come in only twice a week and have somehow been managing to get sick on those days and i feel fucking awful that it looks like im probably playing hookie and shit because come on most people hardly miss work and they're there more often i just.

i used to be able to believe in my capabilities, at least a little bit, but im fucking up this ridiculously easy shit like what the hell. and its not in ways that seem to be entirely out of character for me. like, am i always going to be this fucking way? no. i dont have to be. i could put in the two fucking ounces of effort to get better, to improve myself, but i don't. for example, instead of making up shit to do, im writing this fucking sob story about something that probably doesnt even fucking matter that much and definitely isn't a big issue compared to the quotidien horrid shit people encounter.

an aside, as an honest assessment, i don't have much to do at this job which i guess is nice, but it makes me feel so useless and unnecessary. part of the reason i was more eager to just, work from home. obviously it's more comfortable for me, but i feel like im wasting my time and everyone's time and their water and tea and whatever, because im just taking up space and at least i dont have to pretend im busy if im home and i can get food and not be hunger braindead like i am when im there because im too normally-braindead to leave and get fucking food. like an idiot.

i need to get a new fucking job. i can't fucking come in next week (again, only work two days a week because this is a fucking pity job that i only landed because my dad likes networking, like a sociopath) like how do i face fucking anyone. just sit there like a stupid little bimbo looking nepo pity hire, the fucking child in the kitchen that you allow to tear bread into breadcrumbs because it's fine if they fuck it up, which they will, but it's something you can deal with because it doesn't fucking matter anyhow.

i feel like such a burden despite just sitting there. i am so fucking embarrassed and pissed i fucking. ugh. i

#internal dear dumb diary

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slowjamastan · 1 year

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feeling sick and miserable again today. (finally going to the doctor tomorrow yippee.....) cough cough choke hack. ouchie

anyway im reliving my favorite books fanfics rn and weeping like a sailors widow over my little meowmeows

S&D is rough to start but when it picks up its like being electrocuted over n over for 350k words, i love it sm. inside my head i have Animatics. I Have Fancomics. I have vivid hallucinations of oil paintings of my favorite scenes. its such a Thing for me. ive attempted a fancomic already and then misplaced the sketchbook oops. god, dude. im going insane rereading this for the 3rd time, and im not even at the part that Kills me Kills me Kills me kills me kills me yet. i just got thru the AMA section and my little meowmeow scrungilophagus is rotating in my mind at suucccch a pace. hes playdoh im squashing him. him and his little sideplot normie life<3

also iv been trying to nail down my ideal Dynamics between a certain group of characters, because i love the multitudes of anything goes but id like to have my jumping off point since im trying to write more things down. and im realizing once again that SogS is So So So Correct. no one has ever been more correct than SogS. the emotional distance the struggle for connection the desire to be seen and loved despite everything. i reread half of it a while ago and Couldnt Handle it and quit. it hurts me so much but i need to see it through because no one has ever done to me what that fic did to me. i need that fic printed and bound and on my shelf so i can highlight it and annotate and circle sections and then ill tear it up and eat it.

its so hard to write things in general. im not good at making words do a vibe justice. im good at simplifying things ,not making them poetic. and then realizing i dont know what i want? earth shattering. i dont want them to be ooc but i dont know what ic should look like and research into canon is just making me even more Ouughhh. you know. SogS slots so well into canon and i didn't even realize it. but i dont want exactly that, i want more to it. im biting off more than i can chew writing ability-wise. i need like, a corkboard and red strings to get the right amount of dimension between these people. worst of all i know once i get a pin in exactly the character relationships i know in my heart are true, it'll blow a hole right thru some favorite ships. im gonna ruin fun things for myself by being annoying about chr portrayals..... whatever lol

#post #fanfic sperging (not mine dont steal)

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derailedangel · 1 year

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hello sims4 team. i have some suggestions.

number one! a western expansion pack. horses. please for the love of god. horses & decent cowboy hats. and plaid & dirtied/scuffed jeans & new boots!! FLARES !!!!!! mostly i just want more styles. a couple bolo ties maybe. jeans with belts with the big buckes. jeans with chaps!! bandanas ?? also new dresses. i dont know what theyre called but you know the ones. also i really want toddler/infant sized cowboy boots & hats

(note. you could make this an equestrian pack and add all that stuff in too im just here for cowboys)

NUMBER TWO. more life stages !!! guys we know you can do it and although some people are mad i ab obsessed with the infants . all i want is a life stage between toddlers and children (that is a lie). the toddlers are like 3 and the children like 10. we are missing years!

ideally id like preschooler as an age. 4/5 y/o. fun parenting things like transitioning them to a "big kid bed" from their toddler beds (which could give them uncomfortable moodlets - but their parents have to transition them into big beds otherwise they get scared?)

starting pre-k/kinder! "first day of school" woes. needing soothing after school from a caregiver, having phone calls of the kid being "sick" and choosing as a parent whether to collect them or not, and having negative or positive reactions based on whether the kid is actually unwell or not. have the parents teach their preschoolers how to bathe unassisted!

id also like if child sims could be tuned to make them seem a little younger and add preteens in, but for me that isn't a super big issue. it would be nice visually and in family building game play, but I can't see them having many different needs to teens/children and wouldn't add anything to the actual gameplay.

also i think you should be able to put toddlers in cribs/transition them to toddler beds. and there should be a basegame changing table that can be used for toddlers & babies

and!! in regards to the preschoolers/children, (maybe even potty trained toddlers) bed wetting ? like when they wake up after a nightmare, and then the parents can take the kid back to sleep in their bed. maybe even change the kids sheets or something.

anyway. please consider these ideas. i need endorphins

#genuinely how do i show this to someone in the sims team i need to share this #sims4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #the sims community #HELP ME

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sonics-left-shoe · 2 years

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Unhinged chatter

The argument for sustainable shopping and ethical consumption is the most one sided, ignorant and glorified topics of discussion I've seen regarding clothes.

"Go thrifting" "Buy from sustainable companies" "Buy from local businesses" "If you can afford to buy from unethical companies you can afford to buy sustainably" "Just travel to find ethical stores" "Consider your personal carbon footprint" "Buying from unethical companies is wasteful" "You are selfish for buying unsustainably"

There are thousands, maybe even millions of people living in circumstances where none of these are available or can apply to them, so here is mine:

I live in a small, (less than 40 people live here) small village in the middle of fuckall nowhere surrounded by endless farmland and nothingness where majority of the people who live here rely on public transport and have to travel hours to go anywhere.

There are no thrift shops near me and the singular one that we found we had to travel way out of town for, it did not have clothes in either of our sizes or reasonable style because it was, majority, donated childrens and elderly clothes, essential items and items available for purchase to help support the charity.

Do you know why?

Because majority of the "thrift shops" where I live are designated charity shops because they're there for people who are less fortunate and are struggling and need affordable clothes and items.

These shops are not an aesthetic

They're not a trend

They're not shops for your mass consumption

I'm sick sick sick sick of the assumption that everybody has sustainable options available at affordable prices.

Everybody being able to live fully sustainable is an ideal that is impossible to achieve for many many people, as good as it would be to live that way.

Small businesses are wonderful but have as many cons as there are pros.

An example would be that, on average, smaller business are limited to only supporting certain sizes that dont accommodate to a majority of people (most usually stopping at size large), whilst frankly being out of budget in comparison to shopping elsewhere.

The difference is spending £30 for a few "ethical" items compared to spending £30 elsewhere and being able to afford enough clothes to cover you for more situations and comforts (not even considering people with material sensitivities or preferences that is).

And that's just about prices.

Travel, availability, individual preferences, disabilities and needs are also things that need to be considered.

Is it worth paying to travel hours out only to be able to afford one £25 shirt because it's "sustainable"?

The phrase "There is no ethical consumption under capitalism" should not be used to justify cases of mass consumption from unethical companies (large £500+ clothing hauls etc) from people who can afford to shop sustainably.

This doesn't mean not being able to afford clothes outside your budget makes you selfish, it means you are only able to afford what you have available.

Clothes are expensive, and I'm tired of people acting like they're not.

The problem of unsustainable and unethical resources being provided for consumption is an issue that is far out of your hands.

Not shopping at certain shops isn't going to stop the unethical exploitation because the problem isn't entirely the consumers fault (I say isnt entirely for the cases of peoples mass consumption from these companies ultimately supports them on a larger scale compared to just doing regular shopping), the problem is these unethical ways being there in the first place.

Obviously clothes are cheaper because of these unethical circumstances, but that doesn't mean clothes shouldn't be affordable.

There's many layers to the issues beneath the greed of capitalism.

#mick rants #unhinged hours #this is not a post begging for sympathy or victimising myself this is just the truth #no I do not live in the US nor do I live in england

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