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dylanisdazed · 10 months

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Hey y'all! So my next story is pretty heavy and despite the main character's name, it's fiction. That being said, it's an emotional first part for me--I'm not sure if that will carry through to the reader because I'm not a good writer, but it was very emotional for me to write. I've read and edited it several times and can't seem to get through it without crying. Again, I don't expect it to necessarily resonate as much with the reader.

Trigger Warning: This part deals with thoughts/stories of suicide.

Dylan’s bedroom was painted dark green and filled with plants and candles. The walls were lined with records and band posters. His nightstand was littered with prescription bottles—for his depression and anxiety. He was a very attractive, fit but thin boy, who was well-liked by all. But he saw the world differently and he very rarely liked what he saw. His shaggy dark brown hair often hid his almost black eyes and long dark eyelashes, much to his mother’s chagrin. His best friend Jack had just run up to his bedroom, which was over the family garage. It was raining heavily and thunder rumbled the earth as Dylan opened the door.

“Do you ever think about killing yourself?”

Dylan sat on the bed in his messy room, looking up at his friend as he stood there confused.

“What…? No.” Jack replied concerned.

Dylan looked down.

“Do you?” He asked.

“Yeah. I mean not realistically or anything but yeah, I do.”

Jack stared at him. “What the fuck man? You can’t just say shit like that.”

“Yeah, well actually I can say it and people should say it. It’s just a lot of things I guess.” Dylan continued to look at the ground.

“What kind of things?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I feel things more than others. You know that.”

Jack stared at him.

“It feels like nobody really cares.”

“Dude, what are you talking about? You have tons of people who care about you. Everyone at school loves you and you’re my favorite person on the planet.”

“Yeah. I’m not even talking about me necessarily, just in general. People pretend to care. People are always fucking pretending. They see some sad story about an abused puppy on Twitter, tear up, wonder how somebody could do that, and then scroll on. Move on with their day. They never think about it again. Then they like some post that makes fun of someone else because they are different from them. Or some issue they don’t understand. People are liars and they’re cruel.”

“What does that have to do with anything, Dylan? What does that have to do with you? There have always been assholes in the world and there always will be. It sucks, but it’s how it is.”

“Yeah. I guess maybe I wonder if I want to live in a world like that then, ya know? You remember Becky, from school? She killed herself because people made fun of her weight.”

“I know. It wasn’t that long ago.”

“Just every day, non-stop, people would crack jokes about her. People would put her down, over and over and then she goes and hangs herself alone in her room and of course, the town is shocked but I wasn’t.”

Dylan started crying uncontrollably with his voice trembling but continued, “Then the whole fucking town has a fake ass memorial, and teachers talk about the severity of bullying and then a month later nobody gives a fuck about Becky. I didn’t go to that memorial. We weren’t really friends but we had some nice talks. I couldn’t go to that memorial because I knew half of the fucking kids there, holding candles, and praying, were the same ones who called her names. They were the same ones who hurt her, over and over and over. They made her life a living hell. And for what? Tell me, for WHAT?”

“I don’t know.”

“Those kids are gonna continue on, graduate, go to college, get married, and have kids, all while Becky is rotting six feet under. She’s a rotting corpse. Nothing happens to them. Absolutely no consequences. And it’s not just Becky--that’s the thing. It happens every day, all over this goddamn world; good people, kind people, creative people, smart people, and funny people, who are a little bit different or don’t fit some narrative get bullied and harassed. Not all of them commit suicide, but I know it still fucking hurts.”

“Man, I don’t know what to say to you.” Jack wiped away tears.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Wiping tears away, eyelashes dripping.

“You are a deeply loving person and that’s a good thing. It’s a great thing. You care about other people even if it doesn’t affect you and that’s so rare, Dylan.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, and the world needs people like you.” Jack put his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “The world needs heroes and loving people like you to save us from the bullies; the monsters.”

“No, they don’t. Nobody listens.”

You can continue part one on my patreon.

#dylanisdazed #dylie #patreon

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mayadoesfandomstuff · 1 year

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As I'm currently writing a long post right now based on Persona 3, I've decided to take a break and let my brain rot over some old ideas of my cursed "Filo Thieves" AU in which Persona 5 takes place entirely in the Philippines.

It's so stupid of an idea and I cringe at every thought but hey, misery loves company so imma inject these ideas to other people. Here's just random things in word vomiting out in bulleted list format.

The gsme would start at like 2015. Typically this won't matter much, but in the Philippines, there were a lot of major political and academic changes in the Philippines during this time so the year is a bit more important.

The Philippine elections also takes place on May so it would align with the 2016 May elections.

This means that the thieves may be about a year younger than they are in the actual game. This also makes sense since if the were the age they were in the game, most of them would he college-age because of weird school year stuff in the country and the story just won't work as well.

Joker and the other second years would be 10th graders though. This aligns with their canon age anyway.

The thieves are definitely memed on as the "Akyat Bahay Pangmayaman" and has had supporters since the beginning. Like huge supporters.

Because of this, I do think that even if people think they killed Okamura here, they would still have like a shit ton of supporters.

The international community could not give a rat's ass about these people up until the Okamura case. That's what I think would happen in this case. That country is filled with crazy stories anyway and weird criminal groups so why the fuss about them? When a wealthy local CEO got killed, people started paying attention.

With the other cases like Kamoshida and Kaneshiro, it was expected with the climate of the country.

Madarame was a surprise and did cause waves internationally just for a little bit.

The Medjed incident really got people talking but Okumura was the thing that really sensationalized the whole thing internationally.

Side note, of course all of these names would he different in a Filipino AU. Can't figure it out yet.

The PT case is being handled by the DOJ and none other than Prosecutor Nijima, a bright and trailblazer lawyer who graduated from UP Law.

She's not that directly involved in the investigation as she is in-game as Filipino prosecutors don't have the same insane duties as Japanese and Korean prosecutors, but she's pretty involved as she can be. She handles high profile cases but her backlog still has like a shit ton of drug cases and shit.

Joker doesn't get officially arrested but is sent to the DSWD. There's more context to this that I might elaborate on later but just count him lucky that he didn't die.

He gets sent to Manila from the province since his parents wanted to avoid the stigma.

Sojiro is just a close friend of the family who has to take Joker in since they don't have any family in Manila. I'm debating if he runs a karenderya or a private cafe like in-game or just a small private restaurant. Either way, I doubt it would be as atmospheric as it is in-game no matter what it is.

Joker lives not in the attic but some sort of backroom storage thing where typical house employees would have roomed in.

Some of the palaces would definitely look different but some might stay the same.

I definitely think that Kamoshida's palace might retain it's castle status but I'm torn between that and a hacienda but a hacienda might fit Madarame more.

I'm also torn between having Madarame having a hacienda or retaining a museum or maybe something close to the Philippines Culture Center.

Kaneshiro's palace wouldn't be a bank in my opinion but maybe one of those high-end BGC office buildings where millionaires reside in next to lavish shopping malls.

Futaba's palace could be a tomb as well, but if I want to Filo it up I was thinking of making it a deserted island temple or something like that or maybe an elaborate burial cave system kinda like those caves where archeologists keep finding ancient human settlements in the country.

Okumura's whole space thing could definitely be retained but I just gotta add that I find the idea funny that Haru's confidant would be dealing with her trying to keep the company away from the Jollibee Food Corporation.

Sae's palace is just straight up Resorts World Manila. Yep.

Shido's Palace would still be a boat, but I do want to make it that the entirety of Malacañang would be on said boat as sort of a reminder that Malacañang was built near a riverside. The flood that covers the country is polluted like the floods that cover the country regularly.

I have more but that's it for the brainrot for now. See you next time as I vomit up ideas on how Joker's treated as a Filipino palaboy in the big city in his fancy private school!

#mayaposts #au #persona #persona 5 #p5 #p5 spoilers #p5r spoilers #p5 filo au #long post #sorry about this lmao

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dzpenumbra · 1 year

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2/23/23

To quote me 30 seconds ago, "oh fuck, I knew I was forgetting something..."

Hi. I got some shit done today. Not a ton, but for me, a decent amount. It's a tough part of battling a lot of mental health shit at once - PTSD, social anxiety, depression, maybe other shit too, who knows anymore - is like... a successful day for me, a day of huge accomplishment, especially at a time of grief, looks like a normal day in the lives of many others. I wish I didn't compare so much. I would be much happier if I just used my own life as a metric, not the loud college kids who just galumphed down the hallway at 2:15 in the morning, or the kid at the grocery store who just tossed shit in his cart carelessly that made a sound so loud I could hear it through my very loud headphones.

Today, I did yoga. It was like 15 minutes, but again focused on neck and back. Talked to my mom briefly and coordinated car stuff, which worked very well and was very respectful on all sides. I did dishes. I quickly showered, did food inventory and then headed out to the grocery store. I was feeling a bit... hesitant to even get out the door. Like there was a 1 foot tall wall of fire on the other side I would have to hop over to head out. So... like... not that bad. No specific thoughts about why I didn't want to go, just a reflex, a vague instinct. Then I headed out and did groceries.

I actually did this thing I used to do back in my old hometown where I had the entire layout of the grocery store basically committed to memory, so I would actually like... speedrun route my grocery list... Yeah, for real. I gamified my grocery runs. And it worked really well. And I just... threw shit in order from right to left so I could do the run smoothly, because I had my therapy appointment today too and I didn't want to be late.

Everything went according to plan... until I was thrown a curveball in the dairy aisle. And it shook me. I smelled tooth rot. Decay. Maybe not tooth, maybe the rot of a piece of meat stuck in someone's tooth that didn't get flossed or brushed out? And it was powerful. And my anxious brain, my protective brain, immediately did what it has been doing since I was a teen, probably even preteen, maybe even my entire life. It said "that's you". And I started like... swirling saliva around in my mouth to bring scents out, i tried breathing into my hand. But it didn't like... consume me, overwhelm me... which was good. It was still powerful and it stuck with me. And I looked around and saw a person... I hate to say this but... kinda androgynous? And kinda didn't really seem to have a lot of teeth? And kinda didn't look like they had a lot of money? And I didn't like being judgmental about it, but they fit the trope, to the point where I didn't really know why they were in the grocery store. I still don't feel... good about that. It feels... unfairly presumptive. There were other people milling around, but I kinda just... assumed it was either them or me.

I moved on. I, ironically, looked for ice cream. Yep. Don't worry, definitely gonna brush my teeth tonight. OH. Yeah, I should mention. I had periods of horrible dental hygiene in my life, and I never really ever at any point in my life had... proper teaching? Or proper habit development? Neither of my brothers either. So... I brush my teeth once a day, and there were a few years in there where it wasn't even every day. And I smoked for 18 years. Never really flossed or did mouthwash. And no one ever talked to me about it, not even the rare girlfriends. And I only recently got these floss with handle things, which make flossing much easier and more convenient. But the habit is still not really there, my gums bleed like crazy every time and sometimes the floss gets stuck and it feels like I'm going to pull out my crowns, which is really scary feeling. But that's kinda... how I know what that smell is. Because I've smelled it before. Just... not that powerful, even with the floss right under my nose.

I went on my final pass of the store, went "oh, I should check for ramen bowls, just for like... emergency 'meals'". And there was that androgynous person looking at the ramen. And I just... pretended to look at Chef Boyardee and shit until they left. And then grabbed my ramen and left.

Then I did a lap over by the flower shop section to look for succulents, it's kinda part of my closing routine there now. They never seem to have them... And when I finally got in line, guess who? The androgynous person again, right there in line in front of me at the self-checkouts. I smiled at them and just brought my attention back to my music. Headphones make the shopping experience so much easier for me. I can be in my own little world. Until some Boomer comes up and asks the one person with headphones in (me) whether they're last in line. Luckily, I can read lips decently, I nodded and smiled, he moved behind me. He said "I guess I am now", and chuckled. And I was like "bro, I have headphones in," but not really, just in my head, but I was just not really in the mood for conversation at the checkout line for some reason, just wasn't really feeling it. And... then it happened. I smelled it again, the tooth smell. It came from behind me. It was him the whole time. He must've passed me in the dairy aisle.

And the whole time, I either thought it was me and my horrible self-care, or I was judging this other person. And I noticed that judgment and I corrected myself, that was like... the intention of my smiling. It was like... "hey man, people judge you too, be kind, you don't know someone else's story." And it was a genuine smile, saying "hi human, hope your shopping experience wasn't as awkward as mine." And the whole time, it was the dude behind me. And I just immediately connected the dots and went "I need to fall into my music right now, because I am not going to be the person to break the news to this dude that he's got pretty big-time halitosis going on right now." Though, at its core, that would be a very kind and compassionate thing to do, very thoughtful, and if someone did it for me, it would make me super self-conscious but I would be deeply grateful. But my abuse victim self came out there. And he said "bro, if you 'criticize'... if you 'complain'... that's a crime to some people. That's an attack. Doing that is dangerous."

My inner voices are getting a lot of quotes tonight, damn!

So yeah, as much as the self conscious experience of that smell (which is clearly a big source of anxiety/self-conscious triggering for me, smell) was really shitty and difficult... it wasn't the worst part. It had me on edge, but I recovered shockingly quickly. What sent me into oh-fuck-mode? Friendly confrontation. Being the bearer of bad news. Being thoughtful about something that might get me... attacked. Being the messenger that gets kicked down the fuckin well in the movie 300. That image is pretty spot-on. To bring something that is known to set off peoples' defense systems to their attention, and then have all of their defense guns that are supposed to be pointed at the focal point of their self-consciousness... the threat itself... instead they point at me. The person who took a huge risk in order to help them. And I get turned to swiss fuckin cheese, without even a warning shot.

THAT is my family. My mom. My older brother. My younger brother. And, most of all, my dad. Though, to be fair. My dad, when he gets set off, just does childish low blows to try to hurt you more emotionally, and then just unceremoniously leaves. My younger brother learned this from him, unfortunately. My mom does this too sometimes, but it's rare, she is more... angry. And I relate to her, I'm more like her, which is why I devoted so much of my life to anger management, from a very very young age. Like starting at 13ish. It was a very wise investment. My older brother, I can't really tell, it seems like he avoids conflict at all costs and internalizes, which is not healthy at all of course, but... clearly healthier given the context... But yeah, my family is like a minefield. And I guess I used to be that too. And I think in some ways I still am? I really do think that, and I want to be fair to them and honest with myself, so I can really identify those moments and work on that. But like... that's definitely trauma. All of it, for all of us. Being completely on edge at all times and then someone drops a pin and the whole room is jump-scared. I just think I'm the only one in the family who has deliberately worked on this, intentionally, for what it is, and has worked on it for... going on half a decade now. And I think it shows. If only they could see the value in that, in what I have learned, I might even be able to help teach them. <shrug> I guess we all do our own work, yeah? And the best you can do is be there when/if they ever decide they're ready to try.

So yeah... the self conscious social anxiety insecurity? The "omg my breath, people are going to judge me" shit. That used to be fear #1. That was the source of my first phase of agoraphobia, my freshman year of college when I just locked myself in my dorm room and didn't come out. I was afraid something was wrong with my body and I smelled and people weren't telling me and laughing at me behind my back. I wish I talked to a counselor about it, honestly, but... I didn't trust anyone back then. Rightfully so, I was surrounded by really manipulative, impulsive, self-centered people all the time, who was there to trust? And holy shit have I come a long way in the... oh god... almost 20 years since then... ouch. Time flies, huh. That fear, which would have sent me into like... tunnel-vision, walls closing in, high-contrast vision, low-pass filter, "I need to get the fuck out of here now" weed-freakout level panic attacks... until way into my 20's... that shit was like... a 20 second "oh I should check my breath... naw, I don't think it's me... hmm..." Talk about progress, holy shit.

But the big bad wolf absolutely bared his teeth. And showed me where my fear truly lies. How my fear has evolved. Because judgement is scary, yes. It hurts, it's unfair. It feels bad. It feels like... you don't have control. Like someone else is deciding your story or something, right? "Ew, he has bad teeth, he must take really shitty care of himself, he must be a complete asshole." Or something, i don't know, anxiety doesn't often... explain itself so literally... it likes to kinda let your imagination fill in the worst case scenarios vaguely and just pat you on the back and assure you that something worse will happen. But this... this fear that my fear has evolved into... it goes beyond judgment. And I've talked about this before pretty recently, I think, I'll retell the story again for anyone who doesn't feel like digging back through chapters and chapters of my life. And for myself, because I think this was one of the biggest revelations I had in therapy, and my therapist at the time... just kinda missed it entirely and I don't think he even really understood what I was saying...

I was hiking at a spot that I used to go to in high school, it's a hike up the side of a mountain and there's a really tall thin waterfall at the top of it. It gets pretty steep at parts. I had my dog with me, leash tied to my belt as usual. It was early spring, this area was all mud and rocks and occasional snow patches. We made it pretty high up, but we weren't going to make the waterfall. We were crossing a flooded part of the trail, I can see it so vividly in my mind's eye, like the weird brown-maroon color of the mud on the rocks under the freezing cold water. My pup plodding ahead through the water like it's nothing, drinking as she goes. And I remember being in the lead, telling him that I was not so much afraid of the judgment. I was afraid of what people do with it. The things people do when they act on judgement. Oh for fuck's sake, does judgement have an "e" after the "g" or not?! Come on, spellcheck, what the fuck. Is that an Anglicism thing? Whatever, I'm doing it with an "e" now.

I remember struggling to find the word for it. I remember asking him and trying to brainstorm, and I stumbled on... "Justice". What people perceive as justice. Like "I'm going to give this person what they deserve". So... more like vigilantism, or something. I still don't have the right term, I guess retribution? I don't know. When people make snap judgements, then get outraged, then take action. That. Retaliation? Punishment? I guess? Punishment seems most... accurate, I guess.

And... and this sticks with me... my therapist just... didn't get it at all. It did not click with him. I feel like he kinda... dismissed it? Pushed it away, maybe? And maybe I just hit a personal experience reflex defense from him? Maybe I hit him too close to home and he wasn't really there yet and he just.. deflected. I don't really have another good reason. I've had it happen in the past, I know it's a thing. Like... in an ideal world... it shouldn't happen in a professional setting, but... we're all humans. I get it. But that moment is so fucking visceral for me. And I didn't need his validation or discussion really, the connection was already made. That was very clearly my Achilles' Heel, and has been for a long time. Being brought to "justice" for something I didn't do. Being falsely incriminated, due to... superficial judgement. Because I'm different, because I'm weird, because I'm sensitive, because I'm creative, because I'm poor, because I'm rich, because I'm white, because I'm male, because I'm healthy, because I'm sick, because I'm traumatized, because I'm not traumatized enough, because I don't accomplish enough, because I picked the "wrong career", because I'm privileged. Any reason, really.

It's not the witch hunt that scares me, it's what they do to the witches. Otherwise, I'd fucking tattoo witch on my own goddamn forehead, flanked by dual middle fingers.

I haven't shared this. Let me share this. I was gonna say my first tattoo... but that's not true. My second tattoo. My first tattoo was just some... design I came up with that's my initials in the shape of a human figure, that has a yin-yang for a head and the arms turn into Libra scales, and the bottom turns into roots (it was supposed to be veins fading into my arm, but the artist was shit and I was very young and trusting). My second tattoo... that was a three-session piece that I ended up designing the second and third stages of. The first stage was, interestingly enough, done in Salem, Massachusetts. I got a crow. The rest of the design that I drew myself was two other crows perched on nearby branches, one all flesh, one all bone. These tattoos were done by the artist that was supposed to apprentice me and didn't. She didn't do the best job. But they're sentimental, not art gallery pieces, so who fucking cares. Here's the story.

I was in a freakout in college, that first semester. I don't even remember the context. I just remember being super panicked and going for a walk at dawn to clear my head. My college was on the top of a mountain in the middle of nowhere, so I was walking down a dirt road away from campus by myself at the ass-crack of dawn. And I remember this vivid feeling that I was trying to translate into words in my head. It was so garbled and overwhelming. It felt like what I imagine channeling spirits that spoke another language would feel like. And I came to this finality of... the best I could translate this like profound feeling was... "if they find out what you are, they're gonna lock you up". Whoever "they" is, whatever "what" is. And again, this whole message/thought/insight was much more... conceptual, much more thought-imagery based. So "lock you up" was like... an analog of "do something bad to you" or "stop you" or, I guess, "punish you". And it brought back this feeling of like... going to the Holocaust Museum... the feeling of like... echoes of persecution. And a deep, deep self-protective fear. Like that kind of fear. Like being actively hunted, and having to hide. And it's so odd to me even now, because at that time? At that time... I don't even know what about me I was hiding. And honestly... I still don't!

Maybe that was the culminating point where my subconscious mind couldn't take the thousands of suppressed "maybe they're laughing at me?" "naw, no way." And that confidence started to fade, and I started to question it, and go... "maybe they actually were?" Maybe it was growing more paranoid, maybe it was growing more perspective. I still can't really piece it together exactly, but it was absolutely a first time thing for me and it was... dreamlike. And I remember that I was very, very sober. And the sun was like a reddish orange coming up through the trees, lighting up the cold green-blue dawn sky. And three crows flew overhead in a triangle formation. And I looked up. And I came back to Now. --- I just accidentally hit ctrl+n instead of shift+n... and finished writing "Now" and autocorrect filled in "Owls". That's pretty cool. Right when I'm talking about crows. Because owls and I have a similar but very different kind of relationship. I have a lot of bird connections, damn.... hawks, crows, owls... --- But yeah, seeing the crows and hearing them just like... brought me back to the present moment. And it was really beautiful out, and peaceful, and I remember it being a nice, peaceful moment, and I think I remember smiling. And it stuck with me. It felt important. And I think I understand much more about that importance now than before.

It's not just about this message that I was obsessed with for like... 18 years. This "If they find out what you are, they're gonna lock you up" thing. This like... Anne Frank kinda feeling. That's important. And it's something pivotal to a lot of my life that is really tough for me to articulate to others, and clearly still lingers today. But what I just noticed about it was... how nature just pulled me right out of it. How in the stillness of nature, I was just part of the environment. I belonged there. I belonged in that scene. The sun greets me. The crows say hi. I stop and greet them back. And drink it all in. And it just... is. And it's beautiful. And moments like that, where everything just... is. And it's all how it's supposed to be. They're very sacred. So, maybe I should really remember that half of that experience as well, really celebrate that. Not just the insight, which was life-changing. But also the dichotomy between this chaotic, layered, billions of moving puzzle pieces, 3D chess game of the human world, and the honest, simple, organic existence of the natural world. And to remember that I can return to that stillness, that just... being. Any time I need to. It's always there. The peace, the beauty. And I find it much more often than most. And people think I'm a weirdo for it. Squatting in rivers looking for pretty stones. Looking in awe at the handcrafted masonry in old churches. Listening to an album for the first time with my eyes closed, swaying to the sound as it moves me.

And I really hope that I can cultivate a sense of confidence, and safety. Safety. Let's really not understate the importance of that feeling for someone with lifelong PTSD. Because the confidence will absolutely come naturally after that, duh, right? A safe hunter feels confident. A safe weaver feels confident. A safe banker feels confident. Does a threatened one?! XD So... I really hope I can cultivate a sense of consistent safety so that I can truly just... be myself. Without having to worry about punishment. Without having to worry about persecution. Without having to worry about "retaliation". Without having to worry about being "locked up" (contained, prevented, restrained) for being myself. For being what I naturally am, who I naturally am.

Yo, check this out, I'm actually gonna connect the dots here! HAHA! When I have that sense of safety, of security, that I need... I truly believe that I will be able to reach up and pause my music in my earbuds... turn around... look that white-haired man in the eyes with a warm and compassionate gaze that I try so hard to keep present as much as I can... and say, "hey man, this is really awkward and I really don't want you to feel self conscious, but I think you got something stuck in your teeth or you have a cavity or something? I've gotten it before too, and sometimes you don't notice because like... you're always around the smell, you know? Like I was a smoker, and I never smelled that I smelled like cigarettes all the time, you know? So like... just wanted to let you know that your breath kinda has that smell to it, out of kindness, because like... I don't know if anyone told you, and if I was in your shoes, I would want someone to tell me."

Someday I'll get there. I've been there a few times, just... not consistently. And I really feel like... that's the kind of person I want to be. That's what the real me inside wants to be in that situation every time, but I'm always so afraid. That's a hell of a goal, huh? Some people want to be billionaires, some want to own a Lamborghini and drive it 35mph in residential zones, some people want to intentionally fail at procreating as many times as they possibly can, some people want to be idolized for the fabricated image they display to the public. And I want to just be confidently, honestly compassionate with a complete stranger - at "risk" to myself - and not feel fear. And not cower and run and hide myself from it. I just want to make a memorable, positive impact on people. And as little negative impact as I can. That's all.

Good lord, I just went to the grocery store and this came out. Welcome to my brain. I have to live with this every day.

I got Chinese takeout. It was good, as usual. I worked on one of the stones that my mom mailed me. I think it might have silver in it. I'm pretty excited about it, it's definitely metal, definitely tiny little veins. I spent... close to 3 hours on that. Let me put it this way. I ate dinner, I started working on it, the streams I was watching were pissing me off because literally every goddamn stream is running bundles of like 6-8 ads now... and they're doing these pop-up ads that just throw a fucking ad right there under the stream. In bright white on top of the black background, burning your damn retinas. I remember when coming across ads like these meant you were stumbling into a questionable part of the internet, now it's like... it's fucking everywhere. This is so embarrassing, people. Give these fucking assholes an inch and they'll take everything. See? See how upset it makes me?! XD No wonder I left. I fucking left. I went back over to YouTube, where I finally caved and got a Premium account and it's the most peace I've had in ages. But I wanted to watch something long-form. So I put on Batman Begins. I didn't remember the plot, I didn't really pay much attention to it at the time. Or the last one in the trilogy. I remember Dark Knight, I saw that a bunch of times, but the other two, not so much. So... I did like an hour of sanding before Batman Begins... and about 15 minutes of finishing up the polishing after. That's how much non-stop sanding I did on this stone that's like... less than an inch long. And it looks fucking gorgeous. I can't wait to see it in the sunlight tomorrow!

So yeah, that was basically my day. And as I said in the beginning... it doesn't feel like... a full day. I did like 3 things. Groceries, dishes, polish stone. Oh, and therapy, and that did go well too. But for me? It was a big day. A really good day I should be proud of. So... I'm going to be happy about that.

I miss being comfortable embracing being different. Maybe it's because people just... thought I'd grow out of it? Or be pressured by society to conform? Like... "oh, he'll quit eventually, he'll come to his senses eventually." I mean, he's in his mid 30's... how much longer can he keep this up? Or maybe I just think people think that.

At the end of the day... I just want to live a life where I look at my day and go "I'm happy with that." "I did good." And I think today fits that bill. So I'm going to give myself permission to smile and stop beating myself up. :D

Goodnight, and if you read all of this, I hope you have a pleasant tomorrow!

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

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writeradamanteve · 3 years

Note

I hope I'm not bugging you when I ask (and feel free to ignore this): if you had full creative control of the show, how would you run season 5? You can pick and choose whatever leaks you want to include.

Oh, I’m not sure if I’ve watched enough of season 5 leaks to answer this intelligently, but I still love this ask, so thank you, my dear. This is a gift!

So first of all, whatever nonsense the writers did to make Betty do what she did with our (un)beloved Redheaded Casanova, will mostly only impact Varchie in a very negative way.

I’m not saying this won’t impact Bughead. Betty, to my mind, would have told Jughead already, and while Jughead will get hurt, it won’t be enough for him to breakup with Betty then and there. Whatever the aftermath of that will be for Bughead, they would hve resolved it by promnight. Veronica finds out at promnight via Archie, and she will get mad at Betty (rightfully so) and leave Archie’s ass.

Bughead will go on to being their loving selves, but that angsty love scene will definitely be their Heading Off to College Sex. They don’t break up then and there, but as they go their separate ways, Jughead kind of self-sabotages and they drift apart and break up while in college. Jughead loathes himself and Betty dedicates herself to her studies 110%.

Here’s where I really deviate from what we’ve been hearing. 3 of the core 4 are NOT totally unhappy about their lives outside of Riverdale. Veronica is a wild success because that’s the way she is. She’s dating a douche but that has nothing to do with her success. Betty is in the FBI, but she struggles with beaucracy. Jughead has published a book or two, made it to top 10 in the NYT bestsellers list in his category (crime fiction). They come back because Archie, who is indeed a fireman—probably the only narrative I agree with here—calls them all to ask for their help: He’s been accused of a murder and all evidence points to him, so much so that even Jughead wonders if he didn’t do it.

Veronica has half a mind to just let him rot, but Betty, whom Veronica had made-up with through the years because she realized she never wants a man to get between her and her girl, convinces Ronnie to help their Idiot friend because otherwise he will truly get the chair and nobody deserves that. Veronica said she’d do it for a lark.

Jughead, going through a bit of a writers block and a rough patch with his girlfriend, succumbs to his tendency to flee stressful circumstances and find his anchor, goes back to Riverdale with the following excuses, in order of importance (according to him):

Help Archie

Find writing inspiration in this new caper

Give him and his GF space to figure things out

Connect with “old friends”

As we all know #4 is his #1 and that Veronica was never really his friend.

Betty is definitely in the FBI and she is seeing someone who is in the FBI, too. He’s kind of like Captain America and the nuclear bomb of boyfriends, but we know she always liked the soft boi and one look at Jughead and she’s

By the third episode, Jughead and his GF had broken up and him and Betty are investigating. Betty’s BF is beginning to feel like the third wheel. Veronica has found a ton of new business opportunities and Hello Again Reggie.

Toni owns and runs the Whyte Wyrm, is leading the Serpents, and has a sexual relationship with Cheryl, but she’s since learned that NOT being Cheryl’s GF means she can actually run her own life, so Cheryl is there when they’re frisky but Toni’s her own boss.

Cheryl runs the holdings of the Blossoms and is now running for Mayor. Lots of tension between her and Toni because of this, but we all know Cheryl craves power. Her political ambitions are to go higher —> Governor, eventually. But Mayor, first.

At some point, Captain America realizes Betty is still in love with Jughead and breaks up with her. And of course we’ll get more

And

Which will definitely become this

And Veronica, in all her fabulousness will realize that Archie truly, verily sucks and that her douche boyfriend also sucks. She likes Reggie, but just for fun.

After they all help solve the crime and prove that Archie didn’t kill that person (probably his ex?), Toni and Cheryl still have their sexual relationship but have come to collaborate with regard to their respective ambitions, bughead will marry, and Veronica is happily single. Like truly happily.

How do we close the season? We can close it with Archie putting something away that makes us wonder, “Holy shit, did he actually kill that person after all?”

Because Archie is Riverdale and Riverdale is the Murder Capital of the world.

#head cannon #my version of season 5 riverdale #anti archie andrews #riverdale #season 5

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lilyisfrozen · 3 years

Text

Update #5, 9/10

Just some info on what’s coming next from me!

Haunted: Chapter 22 is posted but I haven’t started on 23. Giving myself a day or so before starting on it. I have, however, finished plotting out the sequence of events between now and the final chapter! We are at 22/31, an exciting milestone! I can’t believe I’ve come this far, I think I really will manage to finish it! This may bring my ability to finish a fic into question, but this will be the first complete fanfic I’ll actually finish. Its just everyone being so nice and supportive that’s pushed me to keep going. I’m gonna say now that what I have planned for the final arc in the story is going to be wild. Can’t wait!

Sweet Dreams: Serious headway has been made! I’m at least 1/3 of the way through it, which is daunting but exciting at the same time. I decided not to compromise on the length. This may end up being my longest one shot, but I am unafraid! I’ll just work on it whenever I feel up to it and post it when I’m eventually done. I’m very excited for this one, its been fun writing so far.

Lovesick: A yandere!Giyu fic! Yaaayyy! I’ve finally decided what I want to do for a Giyu fic. Its in early development, but I have a solid idea of where I want to go from here. I do think I’ll post this and Sweet Dreams the same night, that could be fun! Will I write a yandere fic for all the Hashira…maybe. I’d like to do a Mitsuri and Sanemi fic too, but I’ll get to those later. I’ve got lots of ideas and would like to tackle a few at a time (as I write an update about a ton of shit I’ve got planned).

Music to My Ears: Kyojuro as a musician! I am a musician myself and think this could turn into a beautiful fic. I do plan on making this the “normal” update amongst the brain rot I have planned 😂 It could end up easily 10k words if I take it and run too far, I’ll try and think of something that’ll keep the word count down. While I throughly enjoy writing long fics, I gotta give myself a break once in a while! I miss the days I managed to keep them short…but I’m happy with how well the long ones turn out. What to do, what to do…

Daddy Kyo Pt5: I have a series called Daddy Kyojuro on AO3, which is just a collection of one shots that can be read individually or as one long overarching plot. I have some ideas for the next part of it, but it’ll be while before I get around to writing it.

Dragalia Leonidas Request: I think I’ll start looking into this request. I was asked maybe a month ago if I’d be willing to write one and I said yes, though there’s lots of projects I need to get through before I get to it. Well, I think I’ve got some ideas working so I’m closer to starting it.

As you all can see, um, its a lot! 😂 This week I managed to finish three projects! I posted Mine, Wedding, and Haunted Ch22, so its been a busy week. I wouldn’t be surprised if I only manage to gat around to one update next week as I’m beginning to feel the school stress slowly seeping in. But I’m glad to be going back to college. I’m never taking it for granted again. Anyways, enjoy~!

#fanfiction #fanficition writer #fanfic update #demon slayer fanfic #demon slayer smut #demon slayer #miscellaneous fandoms #lots of projects #too many ideas #too many thoughts #I blame the shower #its my most creative space #rengoku kyōjurō #rengoku kyojuro fanfic #smut

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kaitlynpcallmebeepme · 5 years

Text

The Oscars

(Tom Holland x Reader)

Summary: Dressing up in what makes you feel good for the Oscars.

Fluff prompt: 16. “Has anyone ever told you that you give really good hugs?” -

Warnings: Tons of tooth-rotting fluff, a few swear words I think

Word Count: 1,329

A/N: This is one of two works I have for

@hollandroos and @neptuneparker for their Whatever It Takes writing challenge. Both of the writings are separate from one another.

#sophsandcoraswc

I have a lot of prompts I’ve signed up to write for and I just got back from my first college band camp and I’m really sore. So I’m going to be grinding these out hopefully before June. Comments and feedback are always appreciated. Requests are open and Messages are open if you want to talk about anything (except Endgame at the moment). This is the dress I was basing Y/n’s off of.

P.S. still haven’t seen Endgame, but I’m going to watch it before Spider-man: FFH comes out.

NOT MY GIF

Tag list: Send me an ask if you want to be added.

@trashinaglass said she would read mine. :)

The Oscars

A time when great films are recognized and the people who worked on them become well known across the industry.

You, unfortunately, weren’t one of these people. You’ve never even watched the Oscars until your boyfriend of two years, Tom, asked you if you wanted to be his date to the event (A movie he was in, was nominated for best picture).

You immediately talked to Zendaya for Fashion advice as the most fancy you’ve dressed up for was prom.

“Do I go with sexy, skirt, a long train, or with what I like? I don’t know what to do Ze.”

“Go with what you like because at the end of the day, it’s you who will be wearing the dress and you should feel powerful in it.”

You decided that you wanted to surprise Tom with the dress you picked for the event.

You slept over at Zendaya’s and you were enjoying breakfast before hair and makeup people arrived.

“You know what I want to do. Just start a live stream and talk about random shit.”

“That’s actually a good idea.”

While spooning another mouthful of Frosted Flakes in your mouth, you took out your phone and started an Instagram live stream. You set up the camera facing you as you continued to eat.

“Hey everyone. I’m eating breakfast at Zendaya’s house before the Oscars. Hair and makeup arrive in what half an hour?”

“Half an hour”

“Yeah and … I’m bored. So we’re going to be chatting, telling stories until they arrive.”

As more people joined the stream, questions started to come up.

“Where’s Tom? Tom is on the other side of the house getting ready. He doesn’t know what my dress looks like. He hasn’t seen it, so I’m going to surprise him with that later.”

As questions came in, you started to see one repeating question that you were dreading about answering. But it needed to be said.

“Who are you wearing? Ok, I’m going to go on a rant here and I do not care what you all say. I don’t care who it’s made by. Congrats for anyone who can make it in that industry, but for me as far as buying things I don’t always like their style, it’s not me, and also it makes it more expensive. So, that is not my priority when I’m shopping. My priorities are can I afford it, can it be worn more than once because otherwise it’s not useful to me, and do I look good in it because the only people whose opinion matters to me are those closest to me. Other than that, don’t give a shit.”

A smug smile crept on your face as Zendaya gave you an applause behind the camera.

tomholland2013: Can’t wait to see you tonight. You look beautiful already.

The fact that he was in the chat and complimented you after your rant made you smile.

“Thanks Tom. Ok guys, I’m going to end this stream before I spoil anything to Tom before he sees me tonight. So, hope you all have a good day. Bye.” You waved bye to the camera and turned off the stream. You didn’t want to be like Mark Ruffalo and spoil the first bit of Thor Ragnarok.

The makeup and hair team came a few minutes later and it was time to get ready for everything. The dress you picked was a black one-shoulder satin aline that faded to blue by the bottom. There was a little sparkle by the shoulder and the back was open with the fabric cascading in stripes down your back. You wore a necklace with an Avengers logo because you were that person. Your hair was in a braid that folded back into a bun while a few strands of hair fell to the sides of your face. Your make up was just to even out your skin tone and give you a slightly glossy lip. Everything was how you wanted it, except your contact that bugged your eyes. You would rather wear your glasses, but contact for the Oscars was the one thing Z could convince you to do.

Once you were finally ready, you stepped out to show her. She was in a glittery gold dress (that hugged her curves perfectly) and a flower crown. She stood there with her mouth opened.

“Y/n you look great.” You could hear the genuineness in her voice as she gave you a once over. You took interested in your painted toenails as you stood there sheepishly. You gave yourself a look in the full-length mirror smiling to yourself.

“You think Tom will like it. No offense, but his opinion is the one that matters most.” She laughed at your sarcasm.

“He is going to be Speechless. You have no idea.” You once again smiled at her enthusiasm. You have never really dressed up this much for Tom. Yes, he’s seen your prom pictures and photos of you at weddings, but this is the first time you’re dressing up and going out with him.

“Let’s go show him then shall we.”

You grabbed your small clutch and made your way to the back garden of the house where Tom was supposed to be taking pictures. Zendaya grabbed her phone and started filming behind you as you walked in front of her, not wanting to miss Tom’s face. Tom’s back faced the house as camera flashes went off and he was instructed to stay facing that way. You opened the sliding doors that led to the back of the house and you saw someone filming from behind the photographer.

“K Tom. You ready?”

“More than ready love.”

“You can turn around now.”

Tom turned around, and once he did, he couldn’t form any words. His mouth stayed open and his eyes expanded while his hand covered his mouth it as he took in your beauty. “Holy shit” was muttered under his breath just so you could hear it. He then engulfed you in a hug that seemed to last forever.

“Has anyone ever told you that you give really good hugs?“ Tom whispered in your ear. His voice made shivers go down your spine that were immediately soothed by his presence.

"What do they say to you?”

“They say everything is alright. They say you are loved and accepted. They say forgiveness and comfort are here. They say you are safe and at home.” He pulled back and you wiped the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes. “Words can’t describe how beautiful you look right now. And how beautiful you will always look to me.” He brushed the apples of your cheeks with the pads of his thumb as he leaned in and gave you a heartfelt kiss. One that screamed “I love you” without using words. You pulled away and stared into those caramel chocolate eyes that have captured your attention since day one. The rest of the world was background static that didn’t matter. All that mattered was the love of your life resting his hands on your hips, giving you that million dollar smile.

“You ready to go?”

“So ready darling. I can’t wait to spend the night with you.” You hooked your arm in his as you both made your way towards the car with Zendaya right behind you smiling at how happy she is for her friend.

“As long as you don’t run into Madonna again at the after party.” Your smug face showed that underneath all the sparkles, you were still yourself.

“Oh God. I hadn’t thought about that.”

“You know. She never said to show off your two-person dancing skills. You could have just said "Back up” and did your spin move where you twirl three times.“

"Where were you when I needed you a few years ago.”

Another sweet peck on the lips and you two were off to the Oscars.

#sophsandcoraswc #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland imagine #tom holland fic #tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fanfic #tom holland reader insert #tom holland reader #tom holland story #tom holland blurb #tom holland one shot #tom reader #tom #tom holland one-shot #tom holland fluff

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stydiaeverafter · 5 years

Text

THAT NIGHT.

Something interesting...

I’ve been seeing a ton of theories about Rosa, and have my own as well. The one that’s the most compelling to me, is that Alex killed Rosa and those girls.

At first when I read that, I was appalled! He’s our little sweet cinnamon roll. But then I’ve begun to look a bit deeper... the writers said he goes through the biggest change. He was a skater boy punk. Full of life. Carefree. This probably really appealed to Michael and they started a relationship, not holding back. Full force.

I’m wondering if he partied a lot with Rosa, and drank away worries because of he stress of his father breathing down his neck.

There’s that Alex, and then military-follow-the-rules-Alex. How did it come to be??

I don’t know if it was drunk driving, or he was upset and was going crazy in the car (not sure if Michael was in the car or came to the scene later), but I bet Rosa, leaving Roswell to finally get help, swerved and hit a tree, which hit those other girls as well. Domino affect.

Well, this is just horrible...obviously. I’m guessing, just because there was nothing interesting about the other girl’s deaths, that sadly they were killed right on impact.

But Rosa was still alive.

I saw on another post by @space-malex , that Michael didn’t know he couldn’t heal. I think that’s true. And unintentionally killed Rosa and blames himself. That’s how he hurts his hand as well. Carina told us, it’s not a burn... but maybe using his powers in a way he’s not supposed to, messed up his hand, and that’s why it connects to Alex as well. They were together that night.

He then wanted it to make it look like Alex was never there. Of course Alex wouldn’t go for that, unless he was drunk and started blacking out. Maybe Michael called Isobel to mind-wipe Alex. And like she said last episode, it didn’t take his feelings for Michael away, but it changed his mind frame. She might’ve told him to clean up his act. Stop being such a punk, as well as forget about this night. And Michael was the genius... maybe going off to college. She probably got protective of her “brother”, and without Michael knowing, told Alex to leave town. I’m guessing she obviously didn’t know they were in love at that point. Thought they were friends and maybe Alex was a bad influence.

So then they leave the scene, not knowing that the handprint would show up later. Max “I was afraid of that.” Of course the government would snatch those files and hide the real story, which makes it look like the party girl was high or drunk and killed those girls. I really don’t think Alex was drunk or high, I think he was upset about something - maybe Michael told him the truth about being an alien, and said he didn’t know how it would work out between them after high school, and it freaked Alex out and made him really upset that he didn’t see the car.

Well, this shifts Alex’s mindframe so much, that he cleans up his act and enlists in the army... probably finally making his father happy. I think Michael is honestly so confused... he thought he’d just forget about that night. Maybe Max was there too that night, later with Isobel, and he inadvertently told her to send Alex away... maybe after Michael finds out the truth, and that’s why Michael is not okay with Max. Because Max forced Isobel to send Alex away and to change him so drastically. “Like you did 10 years ago.”

I wonder if before all this, Alex used to call Michael “Michael,” and after this, he calls him “Guerin.” That was the first shock to Michael. And then him maybe pushing Michael away and then leaving. That’s why Michael is so bitter about authoritative Alex, especially when in uniform. He’s so bitter but not at Alex, at the entire situation and what he’s lost. But then there’s scenes that show glimpses of who Alex probably was and longs to be still. That’s when we see Michael drop the act and fall to Alex’s knees. He’s so in love with THAT Alex. Not the mind-warped Alex who judges him constantly.

I think Alex leaving, made Michael hate the world... humanity. He started even harder trying to find a way home... because Alex until that point, was his home.. the only good thing in his sad life. In the meantime, he stopped giving a shit. Took a job to eat food and pay for alcohol, drank daily, got into fights, went to jail weekly, gave up any notion to college, and doesn’t get along with most people... especially Max. He knows it’s a sore subject for Isobel, but he thinks Max made her do it. And maybe she tried for his sake, to change what had been done... but Alex has already left. So maybe he forgave her.

I think this also explains why Michael is SO mad when Max heals Liz and tells her who he is. Maybe when Max found out back then that Michael didn’t want to keep his secret from Alex and he told him, that was another reason why he ordered Isobel to take Alex’s knowledge of that away. And that’s why Izzy tells Max basically if you tell Liz our secret, Michael will never forgive you. It isn’t for their sake, it’s for what he lost. It’s a constant reminder. Michael doesn’t hate Liz; he hates that Max made an exception for Liz but wouldn’t for Alex.

Michael still wants Alex to know everything. He kisses him in the middle of the reunion (probably hit so hard with nostalgia and longing), and wants Isobel to know about them. Alex still pulls away and let’s his dad get into his head. He doesn’t realize what Michael lost, truly, and that it was unintentionally his fault. I think this would all change if he could get some of his memories back from that night. He would fight for Michael and protect him. Just like Michael did for him that night.

When Malex talks outside the trailer about looking at him making him feel like it’s 17, I think that’s a glimmer of the mind warp fading slightly, and that he can’t understand why Michael looks away. It kills him. He still doesn’t really understand why he left... why he changed. When Maria said home could be a person, what if he used to tell Michael that? And Maria picked up on that (being psychic and all). I think that’s the most vulnerable we’ve seen Michael. It’s almost like he’s thinking “omg... there you are. I can finally see you again.”

The truth is, like Max loving Liz every single day that she had been gone, that’s how it was for Michael. He loves Alex more and more, but it hurts too damn much - that night and the loss of ten years, causes him actual pain. But he never looked away from Alex. Regardless of numbing hook ups and alcohol. Alex was ALWAYS on his mind. He doesn’t know if it’s a good idea to let Alex back into his life, for the truth might come out and he’ll want to tell Alex who he is again. He’s also scared once Alex finds out what happened that night, he’ll never speak to Michael again. That pain would probably kill Michael. But in that moment, staring in his lovers eyes... he couldn’t say no. Alex was all he’s ever wanted. Probably why he didn’t want him to leave his bed for days!!

It’s interesting that when Isobel tells Michael, “isn’t there anyone in the world you’d risk it all to save?” Wouldn’t she know that person would be Alex? Unless she still thinks they were just friends and not madly in love. She would probably feel wrecked if she truly knew. But I wonder if Max has figured it out, and that’s why he has patience with Michael. And does feel guilty.

I still wonder why Rosa pushed Max so angrily in that flashback. And how them seeing each other tied it all together. And her involvement with Jim Valenti.

Now that Kyle knows, the aliens think it’s just a matter of time. And Michael doesn’t want the truth coming out. He’d rather be thrown in a white room, then see the love of his life, rot in jail for the rest of his life. He’s taking the fall, for his family and for Alex.

I do think that the more they uncover the truth about that night, things are going to start coming back to Alex. It will unravel. Next week Kyle and Alex find a passage, and I think they’re going to figure out some things. I think this will slowly begin to open the door in Alex’s mind to a point where he’ll start to question everything he knows, himself and Michael.

The actors playing Malex said as the season continues, their love for each other gets deeper and tension rises. That it’s about to get really good. Alex will find out the truth, but I think they’ll fall more and more in love because of it.

Just a theory. I wonder if Liz could forgive them all for the lies, and if her relationship would ever be the same with Alex. Who knows. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a snowball affect and everyone thinks they had a part in that night, but it’s actually revealed there’s a big bad alien among them.

Anyway, long post. So many good theories out there! Go read them! This fandom is incredible. I cannot wait to see what happens with these characters, especially Malex.

#malex #jess watches roswell #michael x alex #michael guerin #alex manes #isobel evans #max evans #echo #max x liz #kyle valenti #rosa ortecho #roswell nm spoilers #roswell theories #roswell new mexico

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racetrackhiggins · 5 years

Text

hehe my partner @alkimara said it was okey to post this so here is an excerpt from our newsies modern college dorm au in which Blink (me) proposes to Mush (them)

for context sake, i also play race, race is dating jack, crutchie, and davey in a poly relationship, and the PDAP means PDA police

ship: blush obvi word count: 3343 warnings: tooth rotting fluff and gross lovey dovey gayness

Having some free time, Blink and Mush were cuddled together on the couch, watching some show they'd done the "down six and hit play" Netflix method to find. It was about wedding planning, going through the ins and outs of it in an almost documentary way, even though it was reality tv going through the different aspects.

Blink had his head leaned on Mush, the curtains drawn so that he could have his patch off without any trouble. "Man, I don't get why'd you want all this fancy shit at your wedding anyways. What's wrong with a simple wedding that's about the two of you loving each other, not showing off?"

"I dunno," Mush hummed, "Sometimes it's just nice to have a celebration, but even this is getting to be a bit much. Maybe like. A decorated house? Throwing a party in a house? 'Cause going somewhere is expensive." He was leaning back on Blink, looking relaxed and snuggled.

“Well, see, I could get behind going somewhere nice. Like Italy, it’s real nice there. We find a nice villa to rent out in the countryside, have a small but fun wedding with just our families and the Newsies, honeymoon in Venice, I think that sounds like the perfect plan,” Blink said, not yet realizing the CONNOTATIONS of what he’d just said.

Mush smiled a little, "Yeah. Save most of the money for the honeymoon~." He snickered, "Then I can finally understand the words you say when you get stuck on Italian."

“Actually...” Blink looked at him. “My grandma lives in this beautiful fuckin wine orchard outside of Tuscany, I’ve only been like three times but I remember how pretty it was. Maybe we could-“ he blinked. Oh. He looked away, thinking for a moment as if having a realization. Which he was. He wanted to marry this boy.

"Go visit her? Stay with her?" Mush looked over, curious, not really processing what was happening. Then again, he usually wasn't, nowadays.

“Y-yeah.” Blink looked at him, a bit of a certain but unplaceable look in his eyes. “I think you’d like it there.”

Mush smiled a little, "I think I'd love visiting there the first time with my husband." He giggled a little, shifting to lay more on Blink. Oh man, he really thought that was impossible, huh? No way Blink would marry him. But it was fun to think about.

Well. Blink was. Okay. He looked back at the tv, but he wasn’t really watching it anymore. He had... a lot to think about. Mainly... when and how he’d ask him.

Mush hummed. Blink would never marry him. They loved each other, but Mush was... Mush. Blink would find someone else soon- honestly, Mush was surprised his good luck had lasted this long. Recently he'd felt just... Happy. He'd reasoned that everything was kind of fake, in a twisted sense, so much so that he'd just accepted everything. And he seemed happier when he let that anxiety go. And if Blink did marry him? He'd probably be shocked and realize that this was real. But the mere idea of that seemed... Foreign. They'd never be married. He turned back to the TV, sighing and letting it steal his full attention.

—-

Blink had the ring. He’d gone with Jack, who acted as a second opinion and a hype man. He’d had it engraved with Blush and a dumb cutesie blushing emoticon cause he thought Mush would think it was cute. It felt like a ten ton weight in his jacket pocket.

“Hey, wanna go down to the diner? I’m feelin’ in the mood for a shake,” he suggested when Mush got home from class.

Mush looked up, glancing at the clock. He shrugged, putting his bag down, "Yeah, why not?" He grabbed his wallet and key out of paranoia in case they got separated, putting them in his pockets and smiling a bit at Blink.

Blink hoped Mush didn’t realize how fast his heart was beating as they headed down, wiping his hand on his pants before taking Mush’s and hoping he didn’t realize how fidgety they were.

Mush had noticed. He was already preparing himself for the worst. This was the end of the dream, Blink was going to dump him. He had accepted this long ago. It still hurt his chest a little as he intertwined their fingers, walking with Blink to the diner.

Calm down. Calm down. The worst thing that happens is he says is no. Or thinks that I’m fucking insane and leaves me... CALM DOWN. Blink thought to himself.

Blink was thankful for the street around them being too loud and busy to talk cause he’d probably die if he had to do small talk right now. He just kept close to Mush, opening the door for him. There were only a couple people in the diner, and they quickly got seated, Blink went ahead and ordered for them. Okay. Okay. He smiled softly at Mush, fuck he didn’t know how to start this.

Mush hummed as they sat down, looking at Blink. He shifted, "Everything okay?" Please don't let the dream end, not like this, I don't think I can take it, He thought.

“Yeah, I’ve just had some things on my mind lately,” Blink said, biting his lip gently, finding he couldn’t look at him for a moment. “I just... I really love you, you know? And I’ve been thinking a lot the last couple weeks about our relationship and stuff and-“ he cleared his throat, shifting a little in his seat. “Would you let me love you forever?”

Mush blinked. Uh. What. "Y-Yeah... I would..." He said, looking confused. "I love you, too, Lou... What's going on?" He was extremely confused. That wasn't a break-up. Was this him dying? Heaven?

“I wanna go ahead and be clear that we’d wait until after you graduated,” Blink said, standing up and moving to the other side of the table to be beside Mush, taking his hand. He took a deep breath, fidgeting with something in his pocket. “But I can’t wait that long to ask...” he looked at Mush, taking it out of his pocket, taking his hand away from Mush’s to open the little velvet box as he kneeled on one knee. “Nicolas Mush Meyers, would you marry me?” He held his breath, looking up at him.

Mush blinked. And he... Blinked. "Y..." He just... Stared, and he felt himself tearing up, and he was going to explode, and his heart was going to break. "Y... You want t-to marry....?" He was crying now, a hand moving to cover his mouth. This... This was real. This had to be real. He couldn't live with himself if this wasn't. He felt a sob leave him, "You really- you love me that much-? You're not-?" He looked in pure disbelief, before he scrambled out of the seat, hugging Blink tightly and kissing him, sobbing while he did so. "Louis Baletti, Y-Yes," He managed through his sobs, nodding and hugging him close. "O-Oh my G-God, this- this is real- y-you-" He was crying, he was broken down completely. He couldn't stop smiling. He couldn't stop smiling. "I love y-you," He cried, giving Blink his hand.

Blink hugged him back tightly, relief washing over him, and such a radiating happiness he wasn't sure he could actually handle it. He could barely hear the light claps from the patrons, the more enthusiastic ones from the servers as he slid the ring onto Mush's finger, bringing it up to kiss it before kissing Mush so happily, he didn't care who saw it.

Mush was bawling like a baby, kissing Blink fiercely, unable to stop crying. "You really love me," He mumbled, as if it was punching him in the chest, "I love you so much- you love me. I-" Another wave of tears hit him as he hugged Blink tightly.

"I love you so much, Nick, and I am going to love you until my dying breath, I fucking promise you that," Blink whispered into his ear, hugging him back just as tightly. "I love you, I love you, I love you so much," he couldn't stop saying.

Mush was whimpering, and he moved to kiss him again and again, "I love you, Lou. Louis, my Louis, my own Blink..." He sniffled, realizing... They were in public. And then he went bright red, trying to stop the tears. He'd probably be crying again later.

Blink looked at him, and oh, those were tears. He pressed his hand to Mush's cheek, biting his lip and just... breaking back into a smile like he couldn't believe it. Right... public. He nudged Mush to sit, and scooted in beside him because he was physically incapable of detaching himself to sit back across from him.

Mush was snuggling into Blink's side easily, moving to hold Blink's hand tightly. He intertwined their fingers, bringing their hand up and looking at the ring. Oh God. It had an emoji and their ship name. Oh God. He was crying again, "It's so cute... I love it. I love you." He moved to kiss Blink softly.

"Shut up, it was Jack's idea," Blink murmured, said ship name on his face. It was Not.

"I will not shut up, I'm going back and showing this to literally every Newsie. It's beautiful. I love you," Mush hummed, sniffling and trying to stop crying again. He brought their hands up, kissing the ring, then kissing Blink's hand.

Blink smiled, looking at him so softly.

The server came back with their shake and their food, whispering an excited, "Congratulations!" before going off to let them have their moment.

Blink looked at Mush, an idea in his head of how to announce this. "Hey, hold up the shake for a selfie," he said, taking out his phone. "In a totally casual, not-showing-off-a-new-ring way."

Mush giggled a little, "Hold on..." He rubbed at his eyes, sniffling, and nodded, moving to pick up the shake, angling the ring towards the phone, and smiling way too brightly to just be happy about the shake.

Blink took the selfie, a bright grin on his own face, then another kissing him softly. He leaned against Mush as he looked at them. "I can put it up, yeah?"

"Yeah," Mush said softly, nuzzling into Blink before sipping the shake through a straw. He took the second draw out, because damn it they could share. They were gonna be married.

Gettin shakes with the boo (also, he said yes). Blink posted it, and as soon as he put his phone down on the table it started ringing. It was Race?

"Hello?" he asked, picking it up.

"BIIITTCHCCHH WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED YOU JUST MADE ME START CRYING IN PUBLIC I'M SUING YOU!!!" Race's voice shouted through the phone, loud enough that Mush could probably hear it too.

"The actual wedding-" oh my god, wedding- "wouldn't be until after Mush graduated, but yup, he accepted," Blink said happily, glancing at Mush with a smile.

Mush was blushing and beaming, going into the phone, "Hi, Race!!!" He was just smiling and nuzzling Blink, seriously trying to process this.

"Hello to you too, you married ass motherfucker, I don't care you aren't married yet, you've practically been married this whole time anyways," Race said, actually sounding like he was about to cry out of happiness for them.

Blink giggled, "Did you see what was engraved on the ring?"

"No? One sec-" Race said, a moment of silence before- "OOOHHHH MY GOODDDDDD!"

Mush was laughing, hugging Blink's arm and just snuggling him, giggling at Race. "Don't get jealous, Race, you got three boys to pick from. Prolly should work out a ring of proposals," He laughed.

"We'll hafta rock, paper, scissors for it probably," Race joked, sniffing. "Okay I'll let you enjoy your date now, fucking congrats dudes."

"Thanks, Racer," Blink said, and Race hung up a moment later with a bye.

"Thanks~," Mush hummed, smiling a little when he hang up the phone. He looked at Blink with a soft look, kissing the other again happily.

"I love you~" Blink said happily, so lost on this fucking moment. "You are the best boyfr-" he blinked. "You're not my boyfriend anymore," he said, a smile of disbelief on his face. "You're my fiancé."

Oh. Mush swallowed back another round of tears, nodding with a smile, "Y-Yeah, yeah..." He was so fucking happy, "I love you so much."

"I can't wait til the day someone says something to you and I can go all John Mulaney on them and shout 'That's my husband!'," Blink said, holding Mush's face. "Fiancé... husband... those are some big words, aren't they?"

"Fiancé..." Mush said softly, looking at Blink with the most loving expression ever, "Husband... Technically has more letters." He laughed a little, and- FUCK THERE WENT ANOTHER TEAR. Mush took a shaking breath, wiping his face. "I'm going to be crying about this for weeks," He muttered.

"Can't I just skip to calling you my husband? It'll be so long to wait," Blink said, looking at him so tenderly, reaching up and brushing away another tear.

Mush let out a shaking laugh, nodding. "Yeah, if I can call you my h-husba-band t-too- oh n-no," He had to duck his head, crying again. "I never- I never woulda thought- that someone- someone would l-love me- that much-"

Blink pulled Mush into his arms, laying Mush's head against his chest while hugging around him, his hand tangling in his hair. "I love you so much, and I'm so, so lucky to be able to call you mine."

Were you trying to get him to stop, or cry harder? Because now he was crying harder. He nuzzled into him, actually shaking a little, trying to force himself to calm down. He settled down after like, two minutes, taking soft, tired breaths. He sniffled, going for the shake again to take a sip, offering it to Blink. "I'm luckier to call you m-mine," Mush said softly, unable to stop smiling.

Blink just held him close, pressing soft kisses into his hair until he calmed down. Blink smiled and took a sip of the shake, then he kissed him softly.

Mush hummed in the kiss, kissing Blink again before shifting to cuddle into Blink again. He was just... so happy, he could barely process anything else.

"You know what, fuck it, lets take the rest of this to go and go back home to cuddle," Blink said with a small laugh.

"Agreed," Mush hummed, feeling like he wanted to curl into Blink and never let go.

Blink all but carried him back to the Lodge after he paid, PDAP be damned, he was floating on a goddamn cloud, he couldn't care less about the people who looked at them.

Once they were in their bedroom, he pulled Mush down onto the bed with a kiss.

Mush sighed happily in the kiss, pressing closer and nuzzling into him, "I love you~ I love you so much~." He was almost singing, and maybe that's how you could tell that Mush had never been happier in his whole life.

"You are so damn precious," Blink murmured, tangling himself around Mush, pressing kisses all over his face. Now that they had their privacy, he was gonna show him all the affection he'd been holding out (which was surprisingly a lot considering how lovey he'd been at the diner).

Mush giggled, humming with every kiss, returning as many as he could, just snuggling into him. "Me? Precious? I'm just a Mushy~," He beamed.

"You're my precious~" Blink said in a half hearted attempt at a Gollum impression, looking at Mush's cute ass face before kissing him a little softer, a little deeper.

Mushy snorted softly, giggling in the kiss. "I'm all yours, Lou," He hummed happily, leaning into another kiss.

"And it's a lifetime guarantee now~ You're stuck with me," Blink grinned. He'd be content to have quiet moments just kissing Mush until his heart was that too for the rest of time.

"Good," Mush hummed happily, nuzzling into him, "There's no one I'd rather be stuck with."

"Sei bloccato con me a fare questo in modo casuale per agitare anche te," Blink said with a bit of an impish smile, taking off his patch and laying it beside them.

*(You're stuck with me doing this randomly to fluster you too)

Mush just became a puddle of goo, beaming and kissing Blink again before cupping his face, moving to appreciate the lack of eyepatch. He loved seeing Blink's face without it more than anything, and he just had the most loving look on his face.

"Sei un omosessuale," Blink snorted softly, beaming back at him.

*(You are a homosexual/You're gay)

"Sounds like homosexual," Mush giggled, kissing him again, "I am very gay. I'm also just appreciating how cute you are and how much I love you~."

"Funny story, I was just sat doin' the same thing~" Blink grinned, kissing him again because he simply couldn't help it.

"D'aw," Mush mumbled, blushing and kissing Blink. He really couldn't stop as he started peppering kisses all over Blink, cuddling closer, absolutely giddy. "I can't remember the last time I was this happy," Mush hummed, "Not to say I'm sad. Just that. You've really made me the happiest person in the world, Blink."

"You've done the same... You'd changed me, Mush. Ya made me a mush, hell, I thought weddings were overrated and kinda dumb before I imagined having one with you, and then suddenly it was all I could think about, and the idea of us having our own place, just the two of us, maybe getting a pet or two and treating them like our kids and being that gross lovey married couple..." Blink sighed dramatically as if to prove his point. "See? Now I'm the mush."

Mush was blushing more and more. "Blink... You literally saved me from myself," He said softly, holding Blink's face still with both hands. "I thought everything with you was a dream. I was still scared you'd leave me. And then you pulled out a ring- I thought you were going to break up with me for a second there. You... You really opened my eyes that there's so much in this world," He said softly. He smiled a little, "Who says we have to have just pets like kids? Wouldn't you want a little boy or girl of our own? Us as parents, being that gross lovey married couple... Following our dreams..." Oh, well, there he goes again with the tearing up. "I think I'm still the original Mush."

"Oh, come on, we gotta give it at least a couple years or else everyone's gonna make fun of us for settling down so quick," Blink said, but he couldn't stop smiling. "I'd want a little girl, a little baby girl," he admitted softly after a moment.

Mush nodded in agreement, humming. He nuzzled Blink, "I'd like that a lot. Our own little girl." He was smiling softly, just imagining them running around with a kid.

"I could teach her Italian, I'd teach her how to dance, she could stand on my feet as I taught her the waltz in the living room," Blink said, pretending he wasn't tearing up as he quickly swiped across his face.

"We gotta stop, that's years ahead and we both know we're gonna get impatient again," Mush said weakly, looking at the ring as evidence.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Blink muttered, wiping his eyes, still thinking about this hypothetical daughter.

Mush moved to kiss Blink's eyes gently, wiping off the tears with his thumb. He cuddled closer to him, just nuzzling into his chest now. "I love you..." He hummed softly.

Blink sighed softly, holding him close. "I love you too, more than words could ever tell..."

"'I love you' works just fine," Mush hummed with a smile, nuzzling closer, "'Cause you don't need any other words. I got a ring now to prove it."

"Mhm. And now everyone in the world will know that you have my heart," Blink murmured, letting his eyes close to enjoy the warmth and affection.

"And you have mine," Mush mumbled in a dreamy voice, drifting off a little.

Blink leaned down and pressed a kiss into Mush's hair, but he didn't lean back up, simply staying nuzzled in his hair.

#newsies #blush #newsies blush #kid blink #mush meyers #richie writes #newsies rp

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she-who-the-river-could-not-hold · 6 years

Text

100 Questions!

Tagged by the wonderful @janes-mike, @caseyk112, and @el-and-hop! Thank you!!

1. What is your nickname? People call me Kat and Kath usually! The Kath originally was just an online nickname but then my boyfriend’s coworker called me it this weekend so it’s an official one now! I just let people decide if they want to use a nickname I always go by my full name otherwise

2. How old are you? 23! I turn 24 in less than a month though yikes

3. What is your birth month? July!

4. What is your zodiac sign? sun sign: cancer, moon sign: aries

5. What is your favorite color? black

6. What’s your lucky number? eh I don't really have one

7. Do you have any pets? sadly no, but my parents have a cat and a dog back home!

8. Where are you from? Idaho

9. How tall are you? 5' 6"

10. What shoe size are you? 9

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? I don't even know it's a lot lol

12. Are you random? I am such a creature of habit it's actually absurd

13. Last person you texted? my parents!

14. Are you psychic in any way? the closest I've gotten was having a dream about my teeth rotting only to go to the dentist to find out I was having issues with my gums

15. Last TV show watched? idk if I watched TV this past week? probably Altered Carbon or the 100

16. Favorite movie? IMPOSSIBLE. Potential answers are Mad Max: Fury Road or Gone Girl

17. Favorite show from your childhood? Idk the name of it but there was a show hosted by Michelle Trachtenberg where she talked about haunted places? or one called "Endurance"

18. Do you want children? yes! probably no more than two though

19. Do you want a church wedding? ehhhhh not sure. Not really but also it seems stressful to get married outside. Maybe I'll say fuck it and elope at the Taco Bell Cantina in Vegas where you can get married.

20. What is your religion? theistic agnostic with interest in wicca (and witchcraft but I know that’s not considered a religion usually but more of a spirituality?)

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? not since being born!

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? closest I got was running a stop sign in college but I just got a warning

23. How is life? life is good right now!! really thankful

24. Baths or showers? showers but only because I live in an apartment. My bath tub is tiny af

25. What color socks are you wearing? I'm wearing those footie sock thingies for when you wear slides so like a tan color

26. Have you ever been famous? I guess getting voted to homecoming court in high school counts? pretty sure it was a fluke though I didn't like many people hahah

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? only for the money but so much else of it suckkkkss

28. What type of music do you like? everything pretty much? I suppose I don't listen to country music much but as a whole I listen to a wide variety

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? nope not really my thing

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? I have four on my bed but usually use two

31. What position do you usually sleep in? on my side

32. How big is your house? my apartment is a pretty good size I think for being in the city, it’s a two bedroom/two bath condo

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? a protein bar or toast!

34. Have you ever left the country? yes!

35. Have you ever tried archery? I might have at church camp once but I don’t really remember if I was good at it, I’d love to do it at a renaissance fair sometime!

36. Do you like anyone? I do and luckily he likes me too! three years and strong

37. Favorite swear word? fuck, it works for so many things. ass clown. bastards.

38. When do you fall asleep? usually around 11-11:30, I’d love to make that earlier

39. Do you have any scars? a couple leftover from the chicken pox!

40. Sexual orientation? straight

41. Are you a good liar? depends on what I’m trying to lie about

42. What languages would you like to learn? I used to be able to speak German so I’d love to get back into that! And then Spanish since I think that’s important as a person in the United States and I hate how bad I am at it

43. Top 10 songs? REFUSING TO ANSWER THIS

44. Do you like your country? Hmmmmmmmmmm. Yes and no. Currently our worst aspects are hella on display and I hate a lot of it. But I also enjoy living here since it’s where I’ve grown up and I’m interested in helping improve it. But obviously thanks to current politics I’m pretty angry about the state of things.

45. Do you have friends from the web? Oh man I’ve made so many friends on Tumblr in the last year! so yes I do!

46. What is your personality type? creative, type A

47. Hogwarts House? Slytherin

48. Can you curl your tongue? yep! just the hot dog style though not the clover thing

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? Hermione Granger 100%

50. Left or right handed? right, though I can sorta write with my left hand since I tried to train myself how to do it in high school

51. Are you scared of spiders? oh my god yes

52. Favorite food? ahhhhh. Maybe BBQ (South Carolina style) or Tex-Mex

53. Favorite foreign food? Probably Italian followed by German

54. Are you a clean or messy person? v messy but I’m really really really trying to get better

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? go out at night and not be afraid. enjoy having pockets.

56. What color underwear? uhh blue? I think?

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? if it’s a normal morning, Usually an hour. I’ll start showering around 7:30ish and then I’m usually dressed and ready by 8:30-40ish.

58. Do you have much of an ego? In some regards yes, in some no. I’m extremely confident in my work and what I put out there, but when it comes to myself as a person I have zero ego hahaha. Very far from it.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I wait to bite until it’s nearly gone!

60. Do you talk to yourself? I mean internally yeah? but that’s just thinking right? so yes?

61. Do you sing to yourself? mmm not really. I’ll drunkenly sing but not a lot no

62. Are you a good singer? NOPE LOLOLOLOL

63. Biggest Fears? failure, not accomplishing my goals

64. Are you a gossip? I try not to be but I’m susceptible to it

65. Are you a grammar nazi? I used to be a lot worse but for the most part I’ve relaxed, unless it’s at work

66. Do you have long or short hair? I have medium length hair on the shorter end!

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? it took me ages to find a quiz that didn’t have a map with it but I was able to get 41/50 from memory in 4 minutes!

68. Favorite school subject? always was Art and English which has worked out pretty well!

69. Extrovert or Introvert? extrovert! to the fullest of the definition

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? nope! probably won’t because that shit sounds terrifying to me

71. What makes you nervous? the idea of failing, disappointing people I love

72. Are you scared of the dark? kinda? a bit of the unknown aspect of it

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? yessssss

74. Are you ticklish? terribly so but I’ve found the older you get the less people try to tickle you THANK GOD I will fight anyone that touches me

75. Have you ever started a rumor? not to my knowledge

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? yes!

77. Have you ever drank underage? Yep! though only a year or so off from the legal age

78. Have you ever done drugs? nope! I don’t think briefly smoking a cigarette, cigar, and hookah thing once each really count. Smoking is even a dramatic way to described it. Puffed a couple times and passed it off because meh.

79. What do you fantasize about? having enough money to be able to live in the place I want and have it furnished like I want, be able to travel everywhere, pay back my parents for everything they’ve helped me with, spoil the shit out of people, being able to donate to as many charities and creators that I can

80. How many piercings do you have? none! closed up my earlobes in middle school

81. Can you roll your R’s? I’m so hilariously bad at this it’s impossible for me

82. How fast can you type? I think last time I tested myself I did 90 wpm and 76 if I was typing on my phone

83. How fast can you run? not fast at all but I’m working on it

84. What color is your hair? brown

85. What color are your eyes? brown

86. What are you allergic to? nothing! unless it’s bullshit

87. Do you keep a journal? Tumblr count? otherwise nope

88. Are you depressed about anything? If I think too long about how we’re not doing anything about this planet, the lack of interest in gun control from our legislators, or the deaths in the Middle East that are at the fault of the US (intentionally or by us ignoring those who need help) I feel really helpless and sad. But nah not really.

89. Do you like your age? 23 is... chill. I think I’ve got until 25 to panic.

90. What makes you angry? EVERYTHING. Incompetent coworkers who don’t respect my job or process. Republicans across the board and a shit ton of establishment Democrats. That our Earth is dying. How people in this city don’t hold doors open for anyone. Wars that we support or won’t get out of or turn our cheeks to (as a nation). My inability to actually take care of myself/my laziness.

91. Do you like your own name? Yeah it’s cool! I like it more now I think. I also like old-fashioned sounding names.

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? I can’t speak for my very younger self but not that I can remember

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I’d be fine with either! I’d have to scramble if I had only boys though I have infinitely more “girl” names that I like

94. What talents do you have? graphic design, art, writing, photography, badass houses in the sims (jk I’m okay at it), terrible puns

95. Sun or moon? MOON always

96. How did you get your name? it’s my late grandmother’s name!

97. Are you religious? Not massively, I grew up Lutheran and then went to a couple of different churches. Went through a hard atheist phase in middle school. Now I’m most comfortable identifying with the term agnostic theistic since long story short I’m not against the concept of a higher being, I believe things happen for a reason, I’ve always believed in energies, which can be connected to meditation and praying. I’m currently researching wicca and witchcraft though I’m probably far off from identifying with either of those. Oops that was long I have a lot of thoughts.

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? I haven’t actually, though considered one in high school for a brief amount of time.

99. Color of your bedspread? white with black flowers and green petals!

100. Color of your room? white walls since I’m renting

Tagging: @thezoomermax, @dustinhendrsn, @jane-el-hopper, @littledancersun, @sweet-sugar-sunsets, and @the-most-beautiful-broom!

#get to know me #good god this took ages

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eleanor-writes-stuff · 6 years

Text

Ben catches feelings and decides to take things to the next level with his long-time roommate, close friend, and occasional hook-up. Rey, ever the more sensible half of the duo, decides that they should make sure a relationship between them won’t be a total disaster first.

What they need is a trial run.

Featuring: awkward run-ins with a family member, even more awkward holidays with the whole family, and fluff. So much fluff. All the fluff.

It’s the last chapter, and I’m getting unnecessarily emotional about it so just... keep reading for Ben and Rey and a shit ton of fluff and a happy ending. I’ll be here, trying to pull it together in time for the thank-you note.

On Saturday, Rey wakes to the sound of Ben puttering about the kitchen.

She heads to the bathroom to wash up, makes a quick stop by her room to get shorts (how long has it been since she last slept in her own bed, anyway?), and enters the kitchen to find Ben making breakfast for two.

“Hey, you,” Ben smiles, looking up briefly from the French toast he’s preparing.

“Hey,” Rey replies, wrapping her arms around him from behind. She presses her forehead to the curve of his spine and lingers for a moment before stepping away. “What’s all this?”

“I vaguely remember saying something about making breakfast more often, so,” he shrugs, shaking his head at her when Rey snags a slice of bacon off the counter. “And hey, guess what?”

Rey heads for the fridge in search of orange juice. “What?”

“It’s Saturday,” Ben tells her, waiting for her to turn back to him before he continues. “We’ve been together for a week.”

A whole week, gone by just like that. Rey can’t even remember why she ever thought being with Ben would be anything but as easy and natural as breathing. “Would you look at that?” she murmurs in wonder, setting down the carton of orange juice to loop an arm around Ben’s neck and bring him down for a kiss. “Happy one-week anniversary, I guess.”

He comes willingly, abandoning the stove as his hands find her waist and hold her steady while she stands on her toes to reach him. “Happy one-week anniversary,” Ben echoes with a slight laugh, capturing her lips in another kiss before Rey can pull away. Her fingers find his hair of their own accord, and she can feel his hands slipping down to the back of her thighs when a telltale smell hits her nose.

“Ben,” Rey murmurs against his lips before she lets go of him and steps away. A disgruntled sound finds it way past his throat, something dangerously close to a whine – not that he’ll ever admit to it. She shakes her head at him with a grin and points at the stove. “The toast.”

The haze in his eyes instantly gives way to clear panic. “Oh, shit.”

Rey laughs and Ben grimaces and breakfast, even if the French toast ends up slightly… crispier than they’re used to, is perfect.

“So,” Ben says after breakfast, as they’re on their way to get groceries. “Now that we’ve been together for one whole week–” And here they share matching grins because sure, it’s only been a week and no one actually celebrates that but it still feels like something. “I think it’s time I tell you the full story about my life before I came here.”

Rey stops short, and their joined hands cause Ben to stop too. “Are you sure?” she asks, searching his eyes for any hint of reluctance or uncertainty. “You don’t have to tell me until you’re ready to talk about it, Ben. I don’t mind.”

He sighs. “As much as I hate to admit it, my father was right. I’m going to have to talk about it at some point, and right now I’d rather talk about it with you than anyone else. I want you to know who I was before this, the way I know who you used to be. You’ve never hidden your past from anyone, Rey, especially not from me. If I’m only ever going to share my past with one person, I want it to be you.”

It’s… it’s an offering, Rey realizes. It’s his way of saying that he trusts her enough to let her in, trusts her not to run away from whatever he’s about to tell her.

“Okay,” she gives him a small smile, squeezing his hand in hers as they start walking again. “If you’re ready to tell me, then I want to hear it. I want to know all of you.”

And so, Ben tells her about the child whose mother was never around, the child whose father tried his best but just couldn’t quite understand him.

“They thought maybe Luke would have a better chance at getting through, because I was always reading and learning and writing so hey, why not send the lonely kid to live with his workaholic uncle who barely had time to take care of himself?”

Eventually Ben went to law school the way his mother had, the way everyone had always expected him to, because there just wasn’t any other path for him. He wasn’t happy but he wasn’t unhappy either, and he’d resigned himself to a life of never quite being content.

“And then, halfway through my first year in college, the scandal happened,” he says quietly, clutching Rey’s hand as they walk down an aisle of instant noodles. Ben had been eighteen the year his family’s secret was revealed, which means Rey couldn’t have been any older than ten or eleven.

But even she remembers. “The press found out about your grandfather.”

“You know, my mom tried for years to figure out who could have had that information and, of that very small list of people, who would have leaked it. Sometimes I tell myself that if I had known it was Snoke all along, if I’d known he was the one responsible for putting her through hell, I never would have gone to work with him.”

“You wouldn’t have,” Rey insists. “Ben, I know you. You love your mother. There’s no way you would have agreed to even speak to him if you knew.”

Ben shakes his head. “You can’t understand what was going through my mind at the time, Rey. I think even I don’t understand. But I was angry, and hurt, and above all I felt like some stupid kid they didn’t even trust enough to share the secret with. So when Snoke offered me an internship that summer, I took it so that I wouldn’t have to work with my mom. When he told me that my grandfather was really just a misunderstood man, I fell for it because no one else had ever told my otherwise. No one in my family ever talked about my grandfather, and I finally knew why. I interned with Snoke every summer throughout college, and then I went to work for him after graduation.”

He doesn’t tell her much about the nearly four years he worked for Snoke, and Rey doesn’t push. She just stays close to him and keeps her free hand in his as they pick out groceries, as if nothing’s amiss. Even when Ben tells her about the way Snoke would berate him for hours, even when he struggles to recount the ways Snoke tried to use him against Leia, Rey ignores the urge to drop everything and pull him to her and cry for him. It wouldn’t do either of them any good to break down in public, and if Ben had wanted comfort he wouldn’t have chosen to tell her this here.

“When he announced his plan to run against my mom in the next election, it got worse. He didn’t want me to just dig up information anymore; he wanted me to actively sabotage her, to use her trust and her love for me and turn it into something twisted, something to be exploited. I couldn’t do it… Rey, I couldn’t do it,” Ben mumbles into the curve of her neck, and she puts down her basket to hold him for just a moment.

Ben pulls away eventually – maybe two minutes later, maybe two hours later. “Around that time my mother started really looking into Snoke; she could pour actual resources into him now that he was her opponent. And when they found out that he was the one responsible for the leak, when they found out that even Palpatine had labelled Snoke too distasteful to work with, my dad didn’t even hesitate. He got a copy of the file, and he jumped right into his car and drove to my office. Just… walked right into the goddamn dragon’s lair because his son had been stupid enough to get trapped there and his sole priority was getting me out.”

This has to be it, then – the part where Ben nearly killed his father, the part where he finally snapped out of it and took the first step away from that life, the first step towards becoming the man she knows today.

“He confronted me right in front of Snoke, basically gave away every single bit of information my mom’s team had. When he was done I was just… I was in shock. It felt like I wasn’t even in my own body. Both he and Snoke thought it meant that I didn’t care, that all of it changed nothing for me. So he left, and Snoke… Snoke finally realized that the file in my father’s hand had enough information to lock him away for a very long time, and the fact that I now knew all of it made me more of a liability than anything. So he ordered me to intercept my father on his way out and run him down. An accident, he said they’d call it,” Ben scoffs, his voice sharp with bitterness. “I realized later he was never going to paint it that way; the end goal was for my father to die and for me to rot in prison.”

“But he failed,” Rey points out gently when Ben falls silent. She reaches up and curves her hand around his cheek, smiles when he closes his eyes and leans into her touch. “Snoke was wrong about you. You weren’t on his side, you didn’t kill your father, and you didn’t betray your mother. Everything he ever said about you was wrong, Ben. You are so much more than Snoke could ever have hoped to be, and he thought he could blind you to that and use your potential for his own gain instead but he was wrong.”

It seems like forever before Ben speaks, before she can breathe again. “Snoke was wrong about a lot of things,” he finally says, turning his head to press a kiss to the hand on his cheek. “Like my name. What kind of idiot calls himself Kylo Ren?”

He grins, and maybe her laugh is a little too loud but she’s too fucking relieved to care about the fact that they’re standing in the frozen food aisle with tears shining in their eyes and an abandoned basket at their feet.

“I like Ben Solo much better,” Rey tells him.

“Good,” Ben smiles. “Because Rey Ren would sound so stupid.”

It takes him about two seconds to realize what he’s just said, what he’s just implied and revealed and suggested all in one breath.

Rey kisses him before he can freak out.

The next morning, with her head on his chest and his arm around her waist, Rey says, “You know, you never did answer Maz’s question.”

“Hmm?” Ben asks, his hand still tracing indecipherable patterns into her side.

Rey turns around and props herself up with one arm, the ends of her hair falling over her shoulder to brush against Ben’s chest. “Maz’s question, during lunch. Do you know what you want to do yet?”

Because he’s due to complete his master’s soon, just a few months from now, and a year after that Rey will be done with her degree too, and who knows where life will take them after that?

“I’ve been thinking,” Ben says slowly, reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear. “Maybe my parents were right, when they sent me to Luke thinking that I had more in common with him than them.”

Rey furrows her brow as she tries to puzzle out what he’s saying. “What do you mean?”

“I mean… I like research. And I like teaching. And I like being on campus. So maybe I should follow in my uncle’s footsteps after all and just… stay here,” Ben shrugs. “In Coruscant U. Apply to the PhD program after I graduate next year, and see where that takes me.”

“So you’d be here for… years,” Rey realizes. “You’d be here after next year, and you’d be here to see me graduate, and if I get into grad school we could still be together.”

Ben laughs, a quiet, soft thing. “Sweetheart, I was always going to make sure we’d find a way to be together. I’m not letting go of you that easily.”

She kisses him then; it would be impossible not to, not with how gentle his voice is and how happy his eyes are. “But now it’s a sure thing. We’re going to have years together.”

“Years, huh?” Ben smirks, pulling her on top of him. “Someone’s planning ahead.”

Rey lets out a little yelp at being manhandled before she braces her hands against his chest for balance. “Oh, as if you don’t already have the rest of our lives together mapped out,” she scoffs, the effect somewhat ruined by the wide grin she can’t quite hide.

Ben stills, a soft smile blooming on his face as he looks up at her. “I do,” he admits quietly, rising up to meet her. “Of course I do,” Ben murmurs right before he kisses her, and Rey wonders if you can fall in love with someone after just a week or if it’s the kind of thing that creeps up on you over a period of two long years only to suddenly make itself known.

Either way, it’s there.

Finn and Poe aren’t due to arrive till tomorrow afternoon, which is the only reason Rey lets Ben pull her into his lap halfway through the movie. Because they’ve discussed it, how they’re going to let their best friends know, and it does not involve said best friends walking in on them while they’re making out on the couch.

“What the hell is happening here?” Finn demands, his voice unnaturally high.

Rey tries to put some distance between them, but one look from Ben is enough to communicate that he needs her to stay where she is until he can… calm down. “Um,” she says, twisting around to face Finn and Poe with her shirt clutched to her chest. “Hi. I thought you guys were coming home tomorrow.”

“There’s a storm rolling in so we decided to get ahead of it,” Poe explains calmly, bringing in the last of their bags and nudging Finn out of the way. “Didn’t you get our texts?”

Her phone is charging in her room, and who knows where Ben’s is. They’ve had more important things to focus on.

“Forget about that!” Finn tells Poe, pointing at the two of them. “This! We should be talking about this!”

“We’re…” Rey turns to Ben, and she doesn’t know how they ever planned to keep this from the guys for even five minutes when she smiles like an idiot every time she so much as looks at him. At least Ben’s not much better, and they both look like fools when Rey announces, “We’re together now.”

“Finally!” Poe exclaims, a smile tugging on his lips as he roots around his pockets for his phone. “I’m really happy for you guys and I want to know all about this, but first I’ve got to make a phone call real quick.” Phone in hand, Poe wanders into the kitchen area.

Finn quickly draws their attention back to him. “Together? We leave you alone for one week and you start dating? THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T LEAVE YOU UNSUPERVISED!”

From the kitchen, Poe calls out, “Finn, honey, I’m gonna need you to stop freaking out.” And then: “Hux? It’s Dameron. You owe me a hundred bucks. Yeah, dude. No shit. For real.”

“He knew?” Finn gasps, eyes torn between his boyfriend and the couple on the couch. “Even Hux knew? How the hell did I not see this coming? Poe, why didn’t you say anything–”

“For fuck’s sake, Hux, why would I lie about–”

“Poe! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Amidst the chaos of Finn’s increasingly-high voice and Poe’s angry one-sided conversation with Hux, Ben takes Rey’s hand and asks her, eyes bright and voice teasing, “So we’re officially dating, huh?”

Rey resists the urge to roll her eyes. “Of course we are,” she tells him, pressing their foreheads together. And then, very deliberately, she uses a word she’s been avoiding all week, a word that means something, a word that she’s been wanting to apply to Ben for longer than she cares to admit:

“Hi, boyfriend.”

I'm not usually one for long and teary goodbyes (I mean, yes I am but I usually hold myself back) but this one's gonna go on for a bit, I think - just like this fic.

This was originally a ficlet idea, which then turned into a full-length one-shot, which then inspired a series of ficlets, ALL OF WHICH then turned into full-length chapters in their own right. As you can see, I'm a total disaster when it comes to keeping things short and sweet. Sweet and short? I don't know, words don't make sense to me anymore, not after seven straight days of daily updates.

But it was all worth it, because you guys have been the loveliest readers I've ever had the privilege to write for. I think I'll miss interacting with you daily just as much as I'll miss writing these characters every day. Thank you so much for checking back day after day, for taking the time to leave all of these wonderful comments, and for reading my tooth-rotting fluff. I know, I know, writing should be its own reward, but let's be real: your enthusiasm and support have been the real reward here. So again, thank you so very, very much.

Moving on: I'll be taking a short break to recover from this fic, but I'll be back in a few days to participate in Reylo Week. I'm planning to write two fics for Thursday's prompt (mythology) and one for Saturday's (soulmate), all three of which I'm very excited about. I hope to see you guys then! In the meantime, if you ever wanna say hi or just scream about Reylo or anything, hit me up. I'd love to stay in touch with everyone.

Next up, for seven decades or so: Rey, Ben, and a lifetime of happiness.

#reylo #ben solo x rey #ben x rey #kylo ren x rey #kylo x rey #modern au #star wars #rey #ben solo #kylo ren #fic: sign up now for a free trial #my fics

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changing-future · 3 years

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My life feels like it’s just falling apart again. Just like last year. And the year before that. For the last 4 years things just keep falling apart, I build up what little I can each time only to have it come crashing down around me, making all my efforts meaningless once again. Only this time, everything fell apart. I’m basically being forced to move back to Texas cause I’ve been so damn sick while in college that I’ve been totally dependent on my parents, and totally unable to do shit for myself. I’m basically being forced out of my college major by shitty professors who hate me and will lose almost all my credits if I transfer and then have to start over. I’m still sick on a near daily basis, and the years of my chronic gut issues and vomiting have caused my teeth to begin rotting out of my head. I’ve been dumped for my chronic issues and eating condition more than once. My health is shit, my college career is basically ruined rn, I’m too damn chronically ill to support myself really, I can’t save my teeth despite brushing three times a day with special toothpaste, I’m being forced to move back to the state I left behind, and am losing the first place I had that I could truly call my own in Washington. I already can barely eat things normally, but my anxiety is just making that worse. I’m constantly having panic attacks lately and I just, I have absolutely no control over anything in my life anymore. I’m powerless to change what’s gone wrong, despite years of trying my fucking hardest to cope and manage and push forward. And despite fucking everything, I’m still just fucking up and my life is still falling apart. I just feel so fucking hopeless. I’m nothing but a burden, who would actually want me around honestly. My own family already gets angry when I get upset about any of these issues, cause they’re just fucking tired of my shit and me being useless, and just get angry at me. I can’t do anything to fix this shit it feels like. I’m just scared. I’m so fucking scared for what my future will be. Idk how I’m supposed to have any form of life. My chronic issues are undiagnosed, so people won’t accommodate them, so idk how I’m supposed to have a job. Idk how I’m supposed to have a relationship given that no one wants to deal with me long term. Idk how I’m supposed to go out to have dinner with someone normally since I eat so few things. Idk how I’m supposed to have a life. I’m so fucking tired of all this shit that I can’t do anything about. I’m just so fucking tired. I just want peace. I just want to feel happy. Is that really too fucking much to ask for? Cant I just have something in life that I can control, something that I could fucking do to change any of this shit, to not be so fucking anxious and just feel like absolutely shit. Idk what the fuck I’m even sayin, I’m losing my mind, I don’t really know what I’m doing at all, I’m literally just fucking randomly typing shit idk i just am a fucking piece of trash. Why the fuck am I even alive. I should be dead. My chronic issues should have killed me already. The only reason I’m not is cause of pure fucking luck. Tbh. Maybe it would have been better if I wasn’t so lucky. What good am I even really? I’m just fucking useless and a burden, there is nothing about me that’s worth anything. I just. I just am want to be happy though. I don’t want a lot of money or things or anything like that, I just want a happy and peaceful life, where I’m not constantly worried that I’m gonna just flare up and start vomiting or feel like I could just faint or fall over at any given time, where I can just see food and not feel disgust, where I can actually find someone who loves me, despite all my chronic issues, where my teeth don’t just rot out of my head despite tons of effort and dental work, where I don’t constantly feel in danger, where I can sleep peacefully, where I can just live a normal ducking life. I just want to be happy. But my life is just shit, and constantly falling apart. This probables is just meaningless babble at this point. Idk honestly, idk what I’m trying to say.

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okamigekidoo · 3 years

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Helloooo!!!! So a lot has been going on the past few months, as per usual! I’ve got my custom fursuit, and the Rhodey refurb. So I’m happy to say my suits are together (I’m editing a YT video right now!)

I’m almost done with my first year of college! It’s felt long, yet short at the same time. I might have to do summer school bc of my depression but...I hope I’ll be okay! Therapy feels like it’s going slow, but I’m being a lot more open than before.

I will most likely be getting sent to an outpatient facility bc of s*icidal thoughts I’ve been having (extremely bad ones). My therapist was very concerned I didn’t tell him all the other times I had them, and that I didn’t contact him during attempts. I felt bad about it, but he basically told me that it was nothing to feel bad for. We agreed on outpatient because my anxiety is far too bad for me to get put somewhere, where I CANT leave, if I couldn’t leave it would most likely just make things worse.

On a good note, tomorrow I’m going about an hour away from home, and hope to snag a few 250 MG THC edibles, I’m hella hyped for that. B)

Got a LOT of assignments coming up, and am choosing where I’d like to live with my friend Val. My mom has agreed to let my pets stay here for a while, so I can ACTUALLY move, because most places wont allow me to bring my 4 ferrets. So, I will only be bringing my ancient ferret, Zoey with me. I want to be with her when she passes, and she’s too high-maintenance for the rest of my family.

Speaking of, the dog those people abandoned, is getting help once Val gets here. I cant risk getting kicked out again, and his presence will “make” my mom be nicer, so there’s that.

I’ve also got a new PC in the works. My brother has chose all the pieces based off of what I want it to do, although the video card I was looking at getting, is out of stock atm (im borrowing a spare one my brother has, when the PC gets put together!) All of the other parts have been ordered in the meantime.

ATM I’m very tired, and drained. I go to therapy again this week thank GOD. As per usual I got a lot to get off my chest, and I feel like im barely “hanging in there”. Medications still havent came in blisterpacked. I feel like im rotting away w/out my meds but it’s all cool. Unfortunately I had to switch meds AGAIN as one of them caused me to gain a SHIT TON of weight (I will not say the # of pounds :’’’’) )

Doing commissions is taking me forever! But with that, I’m doing as best as I can as well. And my etsy shop is still getting orders, and I JUST restocked badges the other day. I am thankful but very flooded atm ^^;;;

But yeah thats all for now drfmndkjn im tired and need to finish editing my video!

#sam talks #okami talks

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zum1udontno · 6 years

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Quotes I’ve collected from my professors in college

For those of you who don’t know, you’re allowed to listen to music during tests in my class. I know, I’m awesome.

I honestly don’t believe in marks. I want to turn this course into a pass/fail, because when you’re at an interview, they don’t care if you passed with an A or a D+. They don’t even ask for transcripts. My mom, she always cared about the exact marks, and now look at her. She’s dead.

Arrays are a lot like shapes. An array with one set of numbers is a line, two sets of numbers is a square and three sets is a cube. You could go higher, but if I wanted to visually represent an array with four sets I’d have to figure out how to make Microsoft PowerPoint show in fucking 4D.

Hold on, you’re talking about Sea of Thieves, aren’t you? I know because you mentioned an 80$ game.

I actually offer wake-up calls for exams. You give me your cell phone number, and then it basically goes “hey, good morning! Your exam is in an hour! Wake the fuck up!” Make sure your mom doesn’t answer the phone, otherwise you’ll have some explaining to do and you’ll end up being late anyway.

Here we have a lovely photo of a Bulbasaur, otherwise known as the best starter Pokémon. Fight me.

Sorry if I’m in a bad mood. I haven’t had any lunch because Popeye’s ran out of chicken. Like, come on! I know it’s winter, but your job is literally to sell chicken! How do you run out?

One problem I see, and I blame high school for this, is that students put the question in the answer. Like, I’ll ask for two video game characters, and the answer will begin with “two video game characters are…” Don’t fucking do that! I know your old English teacher will hate me for saying this, but just give me the answer!

You need to be careful with shortcuts, because if you use them too much you’ll get used to them and you won’t get any better, and when you try to submit your work to get a job you won’t be accepted because the people who did it the long way have better quality work, and then you’ll be alone and go live in the mountains with a bunch of goats until you die of old age and the goats eat your rotting corpse’s head. And really, that’s not something anyone wants. Not even the goats.

In third year, Microsoft held a big country-wide event that they used to do in Toronto, for XBox games. We had the best indie games of colleges in Ontario and were on presentation there, and on the way I ordered a box of fifty Timbits, and I specifically requested all chocolate. And this little kid behind me just said "Dad! This asshole just took all the chocolate ones!" And there were only, like, two chocolate ones left afterwards. It was great.

Please, don’t pirate games. You’re going to be making your career on games one day, and it would be nice to get paid. Don’t mug the game developers. Go for politicians instead, or something.

Alright guys, let’s go get the keys and go throw stuff off the roof! This needs to be done for math and science!

I had a student last year that didn’t know what Ctrl F did. He wanted to figure something out, so I told him to search for it in the PowerPoint. And he started scrolling. Like, how do you even get to college and not know Ctrl F?

“Due to a scheduled update, this program will shut down.” Well fuck you too Windows!

Valentines Day is just a bad holiday, but Thanksgiving is awesome! I mean, tons of turkey, stuffing, being thankful for stuff, that’s a good holiday! Love? Pfft.

I’ve heard a couple students talk about something called Doki Doki Literature Club. What is it and is it safe for college classrooms?

So as you can see, when I throw my eraser it goes in an arc and hits the ground after traveling a fair distance. So we can add that to our- oh fuck, I need my eraser for the board.

People are people. And most people are shit.

We just spent an hour and ten minutes talking about test 2. Now let’s never talk about it again.

You’re allowed to use search engines and notes and shit in the midterm, because that’s how it’ll be in real life. It’s not like your job is “oh my god I’m trapped in a dungeon, and I need to code my way out and memorize everything!”

There are three hours for each exam, so that leaves you one hour for the short answer questions, one hour for the coding questions, and one hour for crying.

Photoshop will automatically make all canvases square or rectangular, even if you crop around a circular selection. So, if you had dreams of some crazy circular Photoshop canvas, it’s not happening. Also you have really strange dreams.

New Avengers trailer came out, new Avengers trailer came out! Stop working everyone, we’re watching this together!

Make a message in the status bar of the enemy asking the player not to hurt them. Be as creative as you want. I said that last class, and I got some really weird stuff...

So I had some students in year three, and they’re already talking about the game they want to make next. They’re like “our next game is going to take place in Rome, and we’ll have spartans, but they’re gonna be dressed like cowboys.” And I’m like, that just sounds stupid. Get some sleep.

Great discussion to start the class: tumors and cancer. How did we get here?

Okay, so I was about to call you out for having a Corona in my class. Like, that’s bold, but still against the rules. But then I saw it’s a Ginger Ale. And I’m glad, because I had thought to myself, no, don’t say anything about it, you’ll be wrong and end up looking like a fool. And lo and behold, it was Ginger Ale.

Most RPGs can be called “the quest for shiny shit.” TF2 also falls under this category.

Like last time, you’re allowed to use Google during the exam. I say Google because if you actually want to use Bing, you’re already doomed.

Wow, that was the least crisp high five I’ve ever had. I apologize for that.

If you delete a shape incorrectly, you might leave empty points that aren’t attached to anything. These are called orphans, and that name will hopefully make you sad enough to never make them. If there are orphans in your document when you hand it in, I will hunt them down, kill them and deduct them from your mark. For your sake, kill your orphans yourself.

You’re playing Hearthstone while we’re taking up an assignment you didn’t get done. I have every right to turn off your computer.

I’m pretty sure your solution just put a bandaid on cancer. I’m allowed to make cancer jokes since my mom died of cancer.

So I told my daughter about divorce, and she was afraid of us divorcing because she knew someone at their school whose parents had a messy break up. So I told her that if we divorced, we’d be civil and not made life hard for her, but we didn’t have any plans of breaking up. And she just looked at me and said “give it time, dad.”

Notify will basically let you know whenever something new happens. It’s like people who have a new baby- you won’t ask to be updated, they’ll just tell you and everyone around. Or like people on diets on Twitter. Whether or not you ask, they will update you that they lost another 42 grams today.

No, I won’t repeat that. Your fault for not paying attention.

Fun fact: It takes the moon 27.322 days to rotate around the Earth, and 27 days to rotate around itself. That means that the same face is almost always facing us, and that’s just so cool. I bet you didn’t know you were coming to astronomy class today, but you were!

The exam falls under three difficulty levels as it goes on: difficult, more difficult and what the fuck.

I swear to god if any of you spoil Infinity War I’m failing you.

Make sure you name your layers properly, otherwise you won’t be able to find anything in your project and then you’ll be right back at goats eating your head again.

#school #college #professors #quotes #programming #goats eating your rotting corpse's head #okay maybe that last one is a little extreme

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