I think there’s a remarkable way in which the isekai doomed villain aspects of my next life as a villainess and the bisexual harem aspects gel together to create a metaphor for queer childhood. to me the most interesting way to view katerina is as a girl who is convinced from a young age that people around her are eventually going to subject her to a fate beyond her control and she’s going to be cast out, and this colors her entire perception of the world around her.
it feels very gay experience (though ofc not universal) to be like i have to overcorrect for the fact that one day everyone is going to hate me and exile me for something i can't help through being so kind and helpful to them. i have to heal everyone around me. or i will DIE. they will KILL ME. i need to make myself essential to the people around me because something is inherently wrong with me that only i know about. and then of course she self-conceives what is in large part her earnest desire to help the people around her as like "i am masterminding a dastardly plan to change my fate" (read: feelings of duplicity and monstrousness as a gay child).
i also think there’s a way in which her revelation of her past life’s memories could have given her an uncomfortable or even predatory power over the people around her but it does not. instead she reads very much as a child but like a child with an adult's sense of responsibility for the other children around her (in a world with horrible real adults)? + mildly related point on the game mechanics aspect, i also like how neatly katerina’s backstory solves for some of her oblivious and quirky tendencies. like of course she doesn’t think her friends are in love with her, she’s worried about them killing her.
anyway, on katarina/maria: it’s also soooo interesting that everyone is in love with her by the time she meets maria and the possibility she is going to be the "villain" who "dies" is 0 but she just doesn't know it. but she meets her and is like she is so beautiful and charming and cool, that's why i'm so sure to meet an evil fate. . it’s so on the nose for like, the evil anvil that is going to fall on me which is proof that i’m doomed. . . is how wonderful and captivating this other girl is! because of course it is, the crux of the issue is gay childhood. [astronaut meme] “wait it was all about gay feelings?” “always has been”
590 notes
·
View notes
Catarina Claes and Low Self-Esteem - A Ramble
Here's a draft I was saving for after I wrote my Plurality of Catarina Claes post, but I haven't done that and don't feel like it, so I'm posting this anyway...
I was thinking about Catarina while scrolling through the Crunchyroll comments describing her as denser than a black hole, which while funny the first time, and the second, starts to wear on you by the hundredth.
I mean, I get a community having running jokes, but I'm talking literally every episode has at least one person saying this, and sometimes multiple.
The thing about these comments is... they're not wrong. Catarina can be really dense and oblivious. It's one of her defining character traits. Everyone knows it...
But... I think there's more to it than this where it concerns her love interests.
Catarina, in my opinion, doesn't recognize that people love her because she sees herself as unlovable.
Putting Ourselves In Catarina's Shoes
Imagine for a moment that you've always been the strange girl at school.
You have one close friend. You've never had a romantic partner. You're a disappointment to your parents who see you as just some lazy girl. And then, at 17, you die completely unaccomplished. A failure.
You get a new life though. You're reborn with no memory of who you used to be.
And the person you are now... is a brat. A spoiled rich brat who hurts everyone around her. Then you get hit on the head and have memories from your last life flood your brain.
Now there are two very different lives in your head, but there are common themes in them.
In both, you have a mom who puts you down at every turn. In both, you haven't really known love before.
And on top of all of that, you realize that your new life is as a villain. A rival who is supposed to compete with the heroine for a man who doesn't love her. Someone who only agreed to be engaged with her to avoid other offers.
This is your destiny.
And it confirms everything terrible your parents told you about who you are across two lives.
By the time she enrolls in the magic academy, she's had over 30 years to internalize her sense of worthlessness, and nearly a decade to internalize her destiny as a villain who exists only to be a rival in someone else's story.
Catarina Isn't Just Oblivious. She's In Denial.
She's built an entire self-concept around being the unlovable villainess that she literally cannot fathom anyone having genuine romantic feelings for her.
Even while she loves her friends (platonically), she's still convinced through the series that they're going to kill or exile her in the end.
No matter how many times people drop hints or even outright tell Catarina they love her, she can't accept that.
All in all, I feel dismissing Catarina's obliviousness as her just being dense (which again, she is) does a disservice to the character.
48 notes
·
View notes
[x] Now showing brilliantly at movie theaters nationwide ✨ ✨
◇◇❖◇◇❖◇◇❖◇◇
Happy New Year ☀
2024 Thank you for your continued support in #はめふら ❣
[x] [x] [x] I scribbled for peace of mind. @hidakanami
53 notes
·
View notes
Autistic Anime Girls Group 3 Match 10
SUBMISSION PROPAGANDA:
Katarina -
"I feel like she and I could relate so hard about our struggles with school… I love her and her positive spirit."
Sayaka -
"She’s the laidback yin to Midori’s hyperactive yang. She gives zero fucks and does what she wants, regardless of authority. She gives me the vibes that her unwillingness to conform with other people isolated her and Midori is her only friend due to the solidarity between “weirdos”, even if they’re on different ends of the spectrum and act completely differently."
105 notes
·
View notes