So I don't know if it was ever revealed how Duncan felt when we killed Malistaire all three times but I'm wondering if maybe some part of him could hate us for that too. Like you hear that and you go "but why. Malistaire was terrible and even Duncan knew that(?). Why would he hate you for getting rid of him."

But like I think it's so....... interesting in a very, very, very sad way how Duncan so easily latches onto anyone who directly feeds into his delusions of grandeur. And that's no fault of his own that he was manipulated by the nasty Schism but when you think about how desperately clung to the idea that Malistaire, easily one of the greatest necromancers any of us had ever heard of (at that time), somehow actually recognized Duncan's talents (even when canon supports that Duncan wasn't all that talented, at least no more than the next necromancer) and then praised him for it so often that Duncan believed that he would be the next Death Professor is. I mean ☹️

So like with that mindset I unfortunately feel like it would be quite easy to twist even Malistaire's death as something that's horrible and awful and all our fault. ESPECIALLY if the Schism was feeding into Duncan's already broken mind and shattered ego and was constantly telling him that everything bad that ever happened to him ever in his life was Our Fault. That's like a realistic conclusion that someone like Duncan could come to

And like, at this point in time, are Malistaire's crimes even a factor in how he thinks????? Was Duncan ever able to separate Malistaire's talent and skills and prowess from the terrible and awful things he did? If Duncan wasn't able to consciously tell that distinction in the first place I can't imagine it would be any better during the years he was being manipulated and isolated and lied to

Like in Duncan's mind it probably isn't, "maybe I shouldn't idolize a national criminal, or idolize anyone at all for that matter, and aspire to be like someone so harmful when I can recognize my own talent and build from there" it's probably more like, "you (the wizard) permanently got rid of a brilliant mind, an innocent person who just made a few mistakes, and someone who believed in me no matter what just so that you could be the better than me and loved by everyone else" and that's! very sad actually!

seonhee and sawashiro both being associated with purple's the most evil shit in the world now who the fuck am i supposed to put in my purple card holder

my mom is so annoying god

Eventually I'll write my thoughts about stuff from the now long confirmed movie spoilers and manga events. Most of it would probably be summed up with ranting about writing (more because of the manga, but also a little because of The movie Thing), and a little bit of pros and cons of it all as far as my opinion.

But at the end of it all, it'll really only change fandom as much as you allow it. Some people are personally unhappy, and that's fine. Many probably won't let it affect their fanworks, no different from any other work with various tweaks or even aus. If people do start harassing for stupid reasons, get some block buttons ready. If the new information encourages new story ideas, that's great!

I personally like juggling possibilities, I just don't like Gosho's use of ideas nowadays, so. -sighs and shrugs- Same old same old, I guess. Even if this time caused a lot bigger drama than usual because of valid concerns.

.

....

my life has already been in a state of slow motion collapse for months now, but i think i might be about to give it a push

i'll say it again. every SWANA girlie should be entitled to one free patricide per lifetime no charges no jail time no nothing

@cybrvce:

"You're an idiot," Eva says, her words slurred a bit, but she's joking. She wouldn't say something like this normally, she knows how deadly, vicious, Raikov can be, and she isn't in the habit of putting her life at more risk than it already is. Not that she can't handle herself, but that isn't the point. He knows her as Tanya, or Tatyana, but he doesn't know her well enough to know that she isn't actually drunk. She can hold her liquor very well, but sometimes it's easier to pretend to be drunk, if only to get some people to lower their guards, even a bit. "Of course Volgin cares about you. More than he cares about anyone else."

upturned nose wrinkles in anticipation of the stench of alcohol. who let HER at the liquor ? it doesn’t come, and yet his expression doesn’t change from its disgusted sneer. instead, it deepens with her words, dark brows pulling together as she labels him an idiot. he’s used to the insult. just not from tatyana.

what he should do is wrench her arm behind her back and pin her to the ground for disrespecting him ; maybe drive his fist into that dainty face - so like his own - until his knuckles split and cracked and bled almost as much as she would and make her spit her teeth out onto the cold floor. and yet, he doesn’t. he watches, face still contorted into a snarl but made far less intimidating by the drying streaks of tears on his cheeks, and waits, and listens. truly listens.

tense muscles release, and raikov’s expression falters and falls. of course volgin cares about you. he swallows, hard, snaps his head to look away from her. hands afire with the barest trembles occupy themselves quickly with fixing his cap, haphazardly shoving silk hair beneath. it’s what he wants — no, needs to hear. he’d fallen into another of his cycles, a brutal toss and tumble of feeling worthless and boring and uninteresting and losing his novelty and oh, zhenya was going to leave him, abandon him, throw him to the wolves and let him be ripped apart, because he had someone new, someone more interesting, someone better, fucking TATYANA —

more than he cares about anyone else.

“ more than you, anyway. ” ivan bites with an indignant snort. he allows himself to face her again — she’s pissed, wouldn’t remember any of this. what was the harm ? — with a smug look beginning to curve his lips. “ he cares about me. he trusts me. he loves me. ME. not you. ” one leg swings over the other, his arms folded tight to his chest.

“ that’s why i know where the legacy is and you don’t. jealous, tanka ? ”

everytime i post about university it is a call for help

I will feel so tired that it's like my atoms are coming undone and I'm being made unreal...and then I will have a little chocolate treat and for 15 minutes I am whole and present again. Then the horrors

AUGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

tomorrow is my first day back to school after not being in school for like two years i’m very nervous

i’m very overwhelmed by the fact that i have.. like a dozen or so asks in my inbox from over a month ago now... and was messaging some people who i have since accidentally ghosted and am not sure how to reply back to them anymore after such a long amount of time, so now i just sit in a sea of my own anxiety feeling like such a bad person for blowing people off on account of my being so incredibly stupid, and it’s just this continues hell loop of me wanting to respond to those who are waiting on me but not knowing how to and feeling queasy because of it. *heavy sigh*

this is going to sound fucked up, partially because i dont know how to say what im thinking properly, but i hate that lack of privacy gets taken advantage of by capitalism.

dont get me wrong, privacy is super fucking important obviously. but if we had a machine that could pull our memories out over the years and save them so we can watch them at the end of our lives, i think that would be incredibly lovely. but we would have to worry about the company or government accessing that data and even using it and it would be seen as a total invasion of privacy BECAUSE of that aspect. but in a world where that shit doesnt happen and i could be guaranteed that no one except me would EVER see those memories, id do it in a heartbeat. but of course fucking capitalism ruined that.