by the way this morning i woke up and read another article about david cronenbergs new film that is coming out THIS YEAR so yes the world is full of beauty and love
I know im not supposed to be on here rn lol but i had an I D E A ,,...,
K so i thought of a nickname for u. But its kjnd of feminine sounding? Like its mostly gender neutral i thinks and i got it fro m ur name? But its so ok if it makes u uncomfy and im sorry if i kicksrptart any dysphoria with it,,,....,,
On second thought ima wait till you consent before telling it to you kk? No presure as alwayssssss
Again if this made u dysphoric tell me to shut tne fukc up pls <33 love you byyyyee
I THOUGHT U WERE ASLEEPPPPPP
YOUR OKAY DW U CAN CALL ME WHATEVER U LIKE DWWWWWW <3333333
it is spring and the sun is out and i am young. i hide under my sunglasses, under my hat, my fake smiles.
everything is okay. i pass my neighbor's house, they're having a party, singing songs about celebrating life. i wish i could block my ears but my hands remain in my pockets. i hope i don't run into anyone but i rehearse small talk in my head just in case.
everything is okay. i am at home, i lie down on the couch with my dog, i eat some fruit. i play some music and joke with my dad. when he leaves the room, i silently cry, the tears burn my cheeks. my chest is heavy with something i cannot name. i suddenly want to smash everything around me. my dog looks at me confused. i pull myself together. i think about the clocks moving one hour forward. i think about time and how everything is so strange. i find comfort in my unimportance.
i am small and impermanent and so everything is okay. i don't know if i care about everything too much or not at all, i don't know if i care about anything.. i don't know why i do certain things but i like it when i think what people must think of me. i imagine them so confused by my actions and suddenly i am laughing too hard. i catch myself and i stop, maybe i have lost my mind. but nothing is normal and it's so insane i find it genuinely hilarious. like a script of a really bad, lazy movie made just for shock value. i look at the bruises on my hands, i don't remember how i got them. i touch them to see if they hurt. in that moment, i am reminded i am real. i try to shake the feeling off. i repeat some mantras in my head.
No se como dejar de ser una carga para ti... me siento sola, quiero buscarte, pero tienes cosas más importantes en tu vida, que soportar mis inseguridades y mi soledad.
I gotta point out this to my mutuals, on the 17th of October to the 2nd of November, I'm gonna be pretty scarce, I think, because my boyfriend of 2 years is flying out to see and stay with me for that period of time.
So no, I'm not with anyone, no, I'm not bored of anyone, and no, I am not abandoning my tumblr. I'm just gonna be snuggling up with my honey and subjecting him to my bullshit. ^^