Some days are too much and that's why God created flannel and that laundry detergent smell

If u know me irl don’t read this 🤩

like frfr specifically you know who you are don’t read this 🙏🙏🙏

anyways just stream of of consciousness internalized homophobia so if you don’t want to read my internal negative ramblings regarding my sexuality scroll 💕 I can’t stop thinking about Chapelle Roan’s song “good luck babe”. Like I keep listening to it and even when doing other things the lyrics remain on my mind. I don’t mean that in a “it’s stuck in my head” kind of way but instead like genuinely thinking about it. It’s a certain point the song feels painful to listen to. idk even though I am mostly out I still feel like I relate more to the subject of the song than roan. I connect more with being the person who will try to deny themself and live a life unfulfilled.

I thibk it’s bc within my personal life growing up (post realizing) I used to be desperate to be into guys but I never could make myself feel that. I couldn’t force my attraction to men and I couldn’t stop my attraction to women. It’s like I first realized I was gay after my first crush on a girl; up till that point I was still hopeful id develop feelings for men. freshman year at university during the first homecoming week despite coming out as gay to some of my peers I still tried to flirt with a guy. Idk I was so hopeful that through alcohol and flirtation I could “stop the feeling” but I couldn’t.

even now that I act more secure in my sexuality I’m not out to my dad nor his family or my moms family or my family friends. I would never marry a guy or whatever if it was for the purpose of hiding my sexuality bc that feels cruel to them but sometimes I wish to do something bc maybe that would let me be the idealized normal I had growing up.

idk it’s such a song where it feels like it’s being sung to me idk. Like even tho I say what I do I still think what if I just decide to find a “nice guy” and settle down. this song reminds me a lot of the conversation I had with someone 1.5 years ago where she called me crying after her friends wedding bc she was so sad that I could never be married like that bc I’m gay. She is bi so she can find a guy but I can’t have that and I deserve happiness too. (She was not sober hence the call) or a close friend of mine from high school that multiple times when we got drunk she would tell me about how she’s gay and would sometimes kiss one of our friends.

she’s dating a guy now.

it’s weird

even in this time that I think of as “so progressive” I know a lot of people who choose to repress themselves. Like yeah the song is about lesbians not bi ppl bc like bi ppl are still bi even in het relationships but like im talking about my close friends that yes they are lgbt but they will never claim that identity bc they feel the wrongness of it. Idk growing up and even sometimes now I remember thinking “if I was bi I’d be straight” bc like if I could choose I wouldn’t choose this.

sometimes I can’t handle the implication of what it means that I am a lesbian. And I think what if I just conform but like it reminds me of roans song. Good luck babe. It won’t work.

I can tell myself how great a guy is and how maybe we’d look good together but I can’t force my attraction. All I can feel is disgust. Which in turn disappoints me bc it’s like why do I feel this way.

I was talking to a friend the other day and I was trying to be like yes I understand that guy is hot but I’m not into him. And I was starting to be like I don’t know why that is and I realized oh yea that’s part of what makes me gay.

in media I feel like I relate more to the closeted character. I loved the happiest season, and I loved Harper. I felt for her, I felt that anxiety surrounding coming out about being herself. That didn’t change her love for Abby but it’s about herself. It devastated me and I saw myself in it.

I sometimes wish I lived in a world unlike our own.

every month is autism month if youre autistic

lived my whole life in guilt bc i thought i was responsible for people's feelings. newly realizing that other people are responsible for their feelings and reactions, even if they make it seem like i'm the problem. a lot of the time it really has to do w them and their own emotional regulation. i can't keep thinking i'm not allowed to have space bc of other people's insecurities. like i literally refuse to dim myself. other people are responsible for their feelings just as i'm responsible for mine.

pretend this is a good caption

“Haha mermaids were probably just sightings of manatees how lame” you fool. You don’t want to get in the water with her? You don’t want to go for a swim with her? Fuck you

hard 2 explain but. barbie movie is kind of like astrology. if you're normal yes we can have a conversation about how it's def not the epitome of feminist praxis but was fun & largely harmless. if ur a weirdo about it & use it as an excuse to mock women: congratulations it's now my single favorite movie and i love it and nothing is wrong with it literally at all and it's actually better than any movie ever made

i think that buck needs to be bisexual before he can realize his feelings for eddie, but eddie needs to realize his feelings for buck before he can comprehend his sexuality

[ID copied from alt text: A comic depicting an alternate universe where Season 1 Zuko is a mermaid. He's shown on a beach, hiding behind a rock watching Aang and Katara practice waterbending. He thinks to himself, "The Avatar is supposed to be an airbender…" He watches Aang and Katara talk, while continuing his thoughts, "He has the tattoos… and he was waterbending…" Aang notices Zuko hiding and points him out to Katara, who turns. Zuko notices them looking at him and he ducks his head down behind the rock. Aang and Katara straighten up as they notice him disappear. Aang and Katara start running towards where Zuko disappeared, yelling, "Wait! Hello!" Zuko has his back to the rock, scared and thinking, "Shit, shit, shit." Another comic. It shows Zuko laying on the beach. He thinks to himself, "I'm so close to going home." He sits up and says, "Avatar, here I come!" showing that he's no longer a mermaid and has legs. After a moment of silence, he asks, "How do I walk?" End ID]

mermay means i make a little mermaid book 1 zuko au.

This was literally all I could think during that scene.

Simon petrikov coping FAIL compilation

learned something about myself lately

“WTNV walked so [insert whatever media] could run” no. WTNV did not walk, it was fucking running marathons while other media was crawling on the ground gasping for air. it’s still running and the world needs to catch up

“how many guys do you have on your roster, huh?”

“including you? four.”

“i’m gonna have you cummin’ on my cock, screamin’ my name and we’ll see if you still want those guys after the fourth time.”

so basically, umm... Movie Sonic feeling the feels for Movie Shadow, just a tiny bit. And Knuckles unknowingly crushing on Rouge, but not just a tiny bit. Ykyk