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justalonelybitch · 1 year

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What Could Have Been..

Ha Sooyoung x F!Reader (Ft. Heejin & Chuu)

Genre: Angst, Sprinkled in Fluff

Warnings: Swearing, Loneliness, Rejection

Word Count: 7.1k

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A melodious chuckle slipped past your lips as you skipped down the stone path, arm linked with your best friend’s as the wind blew in your hair. Both of you were uncaring of the world around you, paying no mind to the odd looks shot your way from any lingering strangers strolling through the dully illuminated park. You couldn't remember what prompted this sudden burst of energy, but all you knew was that you’d never felt more free. In a land far away from the one filled with burdensome obligations, the only one in which you could achieve true happiness. Ha Sooyoung was your key to that world.

Without her it was simply black and white. She was your everything. Sooyoung brought meaning to your colourless life, setting it ablaze with her charming personality. She was by your side through thick and thin, always offering you a dazzling smile and a friendship that would last a lifetime. She’d first approached you at a dance competition in which you’d attended to support a friend, but you’d managed to catch her eye as you cheered passionately in the crowd. It was then that she knew she wanted you to be the one cheering for her in the future. All it took was a few flirty lines, shared giggles and the rest was history. Texting each other nonstop turned into daily face times and then weekly gatherings.

Two years later and you were still attached at the hip, spending every waking moment with each other. No matter where you were, if you were together, nothing else mattered. But as the months ticked by, things began to change. When you looked at her you were struck with an unexplainable feeling, something completely unknown. Sooyoung’s gentle gaze as she tried to playfully cheer you up when sad had butterflies fluttering to life inside your stomach. Her smug smile as she let a witty line roll carelessly off her tongue made heat rush to your cheeks. Every time her hand brushed against yours and she silently laced them together, biting back a shy smile as your heart jumped to life in your chest.

You were hopelessly in love with Ha Sooyoung.

She had you wrapped around her finger with ease. You couldn’t help but read into her actions, giving you the slightest glimmer of hope that she may actually return your feelings of adoration. The closeness of your friendship made it feel as though you had already engaged in a courtship. You held hands, cuddled, shared beds, went out on ‘dates’, she even kissed your cheek or forehead each time you parted ways. You were stuck between what was and what could be. When she was with you, everything was perfect, but when you were alone, questions regarding the relationship flooded your mind. More than friends, yet less than lovers.

“Y/n? Are you still with me?” Sooyoung asked, poking your cheek, she chuckled at your spaced out expression. Blinking rapidly, you stumbled back slightly at the close proximity of your faces, a pink hue tainting your cheeks. “Where’d that pretty little head of yours take you?” She inquired, raising a perfectly sculpted brow in curiosity. “It’s nothing,” you mumbled, averting your gaze shyly. “Is nothing really more important than being with your favourite person in the universe?” She teased, a smug expression already creeping onto her face. Grumbling, you sent a glare her way, slapping her shoulder playfully. “You’re such a flirt!” You complained, rolling your eyes at her witty line.

“How can I not flirt with someone as gorgeous as you~” She joked, wrapping an arm around your shoulders as she pulled you closer. “Shut up!” You exclaimed, eyes wide as you attempted to push her off you, but she only tugged you impossibly closer. Ducking your head in hopes of hiding the bright blush that spread across your face, you muttered profanities under your breath. You weren’t sure when, but the two of you began to stroll through the empty park, there was something dangerously calming about the silent night in Sooyoung’s arms. “I just had a terrible idea,” she whispered in your ear, pulling back as she eagerly awaited your response.

“Do I even wanna know?” You asked, gazing up to her with raised brows. “It doesn’t matter, you’ll do it with me anyway,” she grinned, holding her hand out to you expectantly. “I swear to god Sooyoung, I better not hate you after this.” You grumbled, reluctantly placing your hand in hers. You were swiftly yanked after Sooyoung as she dragged you further into the moonlit park. “You could never hate me!” She yelled over her shoulder smugly, pulling you towards the park's water feature. “Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is,” you whined as she came to an abrupt halt before a blast of water came shooting out from the ground.

Sooyoung turned to you with a mischevious grin, unable to hide the amusement that danced in her eyes. “You only live once,” she declared, shrugging her shoulders as she gazed at the several spurts of water bursting into the air. “I’d rather live without being drenched in a fountain at midnight,” you deadpanned, trying to free your hand from your grasp, but to no avail. “That’s just too bad,” Sooyoung hummed, a feigned expression of faux disappointment masking her features as she shook her head, tutting in disapproval. Your eyes widened as you were suddenly jerked under the spray of water, shrieking as it came in contact with you.

“YAH! HA SOOYOUNG!” You shouted, glaring up at the taller girl. She broke down in a fit of laughter, grasping at her stomach as it tensed with her joy. “I’m gonna kill you,” you yelled as she hastily ripped her hand from yours, darting into the spray of water in hopes of escaping your wrath. You wasted no time in breaking out into a sprint, chasing after her as she led you in circles. Laughter bubbled from your chests as you crashed into each other, her arms wrapping securely around your waist to ensure you didn’t slip. “You’re something else, Ha Sooyoung,” you stated, shaking your head in amusement.

“Hey, I’m older than you,” she scolded, playfully patting your butt with a teasing grin. “You’re already here now, no harm in staying, right?” She persuaded, using that dazzling smile of hers to convince you. “I hate you,” you groaned, letting your head fall on her shoulder, the fabric of your clothing sticking to your skin. “Lies,” her chest shook with laughter, the fountains spray landing water droplets on your head. “Would you care for a dance, M’Lady?” She asked, your ears picking up on the faintest music from afar, likely from a quaint cafe. “That’s your thing, not mine,” you reminded, content to just stay as you were.

“Just follow my lead,” she urged, grasping your hands and bringing them up to her neck. Rolling your eyes, you let your hands rest on her shoulders, attempting to ignore how close her face was to yours. You gasped as her hands gripped your hips, tugging you dangerously closer. She moved slowly to the tempo of the music, guiding you with each step she took. Sooyoung’s eyebrows were sewn together, lip jutting out in concentration. Your fingers curled into the delicate fabric of her dampened sweater, eyes roaming her face as you admired her natural beauty, features lit up by the moon's dull glow.

Once you found yourself in a rhythm, she tilted her head to meet your gaze, a ghost of a smile adorning her face. Her hand travelled up to gently caress your cheek, brushing a dampened strand of hair that stuck to your face behind your ear, the wet tangle tickling your neck. Her hand paused at your jaw, eyes staring deeply into your own, swirling with an emotion foreign to you. “Sooyoung..” you uttered in a whisper, eyes wide with intrigue. She hummed lowly, a far away look reflecting in her chocolate orbs, her dark locks brushing against your fingertips as you swayed to the music.

“I like you,” you admitted, the words flying from your parted lips before you had the chance to process them. One slip of the tongue and the fate of your friendship was left dangling by a fine thread. May it hang on, or fracture under the weight of your confession? A hint of a smile quirked the corner of her lips, your eyes shining hopefully, carefully observing for any details that may soften the blow of whatever was to come. It vanished just as quickly as it appeared, her forehead creasing in a conflicted frown. Sooyoung’s lips parted, but no words followed, the eerie silence of the still night ringing in your ears.

The intimate slow dance you shared came to an awkward halt, Sooyoung’s hand slipping from your face, your skin burning at the loss of contact. “I’m sorry,” Sooyoung choked out, the words piercing your heart. You swiftly nodded your head in understanding, a wordless plea for her not to continue, the outcome already made painfully clear. Sooyoung’s gaze was fixed on her shoes, as fidgeted with the hems of her sleeves, scuffing her boot against the stone. “I don’t know what to say,” she huffed as you sunk your teeth into your bottom lip, clenching your jaw in a desperate attempt to hold back your tears.

“I wish I could accept your feelings..” She trailed off, an uncomfortably tense atmosphere looming over the both of you. “It’s fine, I should probably get going anyway.” You rushed out, voice wavering as you blinked back the tears that threatened to fall. Quick to turn on your heel, you settled on escaping the scene as quickly as possible. “Wait! It’s late, at least let me walk you home,” Sooyoung grasped your wrist gently, forehead creased in a frown. You reluctantly turned to meet her gaze, fresh tears cascading down your cheeks, hoping the light spray of the fountain would mask your anguish.

Sooyoung’s grip loosened, eyes shining with tears of her own as she glanced at your bleak expression, your eyes dull. You wordlessly tugged your hand from hers, sniffling as you hastily walked away from her. She let you go. Sooyoung stared after you, watching attentively as you faded into the darkness of the night, her heart painfully thumping in her chest, aching with loss. “Fuck,” she muttered profanities under her breath, frustratedly running her hand through her hair. She merely stood numbly under the shower of water, letting it soak her clothes. She couldn’t bring herself to move, letting the water streak down her face alongside her freshly shed tears.

You lay lifelessly in your bed, staring up at the ceiling blankly, ignoring the persistent grumble of your stomach. The day had progressed far too slowly for your liking, giving you far too much time to dwell on the previous night's catastrophe. Your emotions were yet to settle, a jumble of embarrassment, sadness and uncertainty remained with you. Unsure of the path your friendship with Sooyoung would lead to after this stumble. You awoke to a few stray messages from Sooyoung, subtly checking up on you, and asking if you wanted to hang out. You cringed at the thought, brushing her off with ease, saying you were feeling under the weather, not a complete lie.

A part of you felt bad, but you simply couldn’t bear to face her right now. You knew she still cared for you deeply, as did you, hating to think this must have troubled her too. You were relieved that she didn’t hate you for your abrupt confession, but that didn’t numb the pain of rejection. Opting to take a day off from life, you let your duvet swallow you whole, remaining unbothered by the hunger attempting to force you from your bed. Three heavy knocks on your wooden door startled you from your dazed state, jolting you up from your bed. Luck just wasn’t on your side lately.

Tying your tangled hair up in an attempt to maintain your decency, you pulled the door open with a frustrated sigh. Blinking in shock at the sight before you, your brows furrowed together in confusion. “Hey,” Sooyoung mumbled sheepishly, nervously scratching the back of her neck, a paper bag grasped tightly in her free hand. “Hey?” You questioned, warily stepping to the side to let her in. You weren’t cruel enough to make her awkwardly stand in the cold no matter how tense you were. Clicking the door shut, you turned to watch her curiously as she placed the bag on your counter.

“You said you were sick,” she explained, pulling a container of your favourite soup from it. Your heart ached as butterflies fluttered to life in your stomach, conflicted by her kind consideration. “Thank you, you didn’t have to,” you expressed your gratitude, trying to remember that she was still your friend, not just the person who shattered your heart into a million fine shards. “It’s the least I can do, it’s my fault you’re sick anyway. If I hadn’t dragged you into that water,” she stated regretfully, gazing at you apologetically. The silence was deafening, both of you just staring into eachothers eyes. Sooyoung’s chocolate orbs lit up as she reached back into the brown paper bag, breaking the silence as she riffled through it.

You couldn’t help but smile as she triumphantly held up your favourite movie in an attempt to cheer you up. She grinned at the sight, fulfilling her duties as your best friend, even if she was the one who’d caused you pain, she wouldn’t leave you stranded alone to wallow in your sadness. She settled on the couch, forehead creasing in a frown as you chose to sit in the furthest place from her. Sooyoung could hardly blame you for keeping your distance, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. As the movie progressed, you let out a few laughs, momentarily forgetting about everything that had transpired and just enjoying the company of your best friend.

One too many laughs had triggered a coughing fit to bubble up your throat. “Shit, Y/n!” Sooyoung cursed, rushing off to get you a glass of water before clumsily stumbling back to your side. You carefully gulped down the cold liquid, syphoning it to your tongue. Sooyoung’s hand resided on your back, rubbing it encouragingly as you recovered. She pressed the palm of her free hand to your forehead, scowling at the heat it emitted. “You’re burning up,” she informed, glancing at your wide eyed self. You awkwardly shuffled backwards, brushing off her hand, teeth sinking into your bottom lip in contemplation.

“Y/n..” She whispered, eyes reflecting a look of hurt. You pulled your knees up to your chest, feeling small under her gaze. “I’m sorry..” You trailed off, glancing to the empty bowl of homemade soup that lay before the glowing television screen. “I really do appreciate everything you’ve done for me,” you started, anxiously picking at the skin of your fingers. “But I think I just need some space,” you confessed, unable to meet her gaze. Sooyoung’s heart panged in her chest, hopelessly staring at your curled up figure. “I wish I was okay, I tried so hard to act like everything was fine..” You muttered guiltily, sighing at the current predicament.

“But to be honest, I’d be lying to you and myself if I kept going like this.” You admitted, voice trembling unsteadily. Sooyoung nodded in understanding, unsuccessful in blinking back her tears, letting them freely cascade down her cheeks. You were no better, meeting her gaze with tired eyes that shone with tears of your own. She wordlessly begins her retreat from your apartment, lingering near the door for a painful minute. “I’m sorry, Y/n.” Is all she says before slipping out of the door. “I hope this isn’t the end for us,” she whispers against the closed wooden door before reluctantly making her descent down the stone steps.

The prospect of reaching out to Sooyoung only grew more tempting as time passed on, but you couldn’t trust your heart not to fall back into old patterns. It once beat for her, and there was no telling whether it would again or not. One look at her sweet smile and you were bound to fall prey to her charms all over again. Your heart ached in your chest at the thought, longing to be in her alluring presence once more. You had to move on, otherwise you would risk losing your friendship for more than just a temporary break. Unfortunately, overcoming your not so platonic feelings for Ha Sooyoung was a lot easier said than done.

There were several occasions in which you reached for your phone out of habit, wanting to text her about what was going on in your life or just to hear her voice again. You missed her so much it pained you to even think of her, how her soothing voice would always lull you to sleep on face time calls. The more you thought about everything she once was to you, the more you began to hate all those things that made you love her. What you despised most was that you couldn’t really hate her, she was not at fault for your misery. You were the one who had fallen hopelessly in love and now you were paying the price.

Sooyoung hated how lost she was without you in her life. The two of you were constantly joined at the hip, her attention always focused solely on you. The distance only made things worse for Sooyoung. You were always on her mind, distracting her from her studies and keeping her up for numerous sleepless nights. You even invaded her dreams, images of how hurt and defeated you’d looked that day. She was always there to comfort you, no matter what the world thrust upon you. But she couldn’t live with the thought of her being the cause of your anguish.

She respected your wishes, keeping her distance and not making any contact with you. But oh how it pained her to do so. Sooyoung would always catch herself just before she clicked send on a drafted message intended for you. She had to fight so hard to resist the temptation of just showing up at your doorstep and admitting to everything she’d been hiding from you. How she had gotten accepted as a trainee at Block Berry Creative after going to the audition she’d told you about. You were the first person she would’ve called. She knows that she would have to give up the idea of a love life in favour of her dreams, that was the harsh reality of idol life.She was so tempted to throw it all away for you.

As time went on, you began to heal, the distance doing great things for your heart. Regretfully, you never reached out to Sooyoung in fear of landing back at square one. Before you knew it, a year had passed and you had both gone your separate ways. Sooyoung had debuted as a member of Loona shortly after you two parted ways, and was swept up in idol life, giving her no time to reach out to you. She was so busy all the time, working tirelessly in the studio to perfect her talents, hardly given the chance to reminisce about the past. A part of her still longed for you, wishing that the outcome had been different, but it was too late to take it back now.

You strolled through the bustling streets with a pep in your step, phone clasped tightly in one hand, an iced latte in the other. The incessant honking horns of passing cars caught in traffic did nothing to deter your mood. You’d officially completed your studies and had been accepted to work at your dream job as an intern. Today was your day to celebrate, and you were determined to not let anything get in the way of your happiness. Overly caught up in your excitement, you failed to notice the vehicle speeding towards the crossing as you stepped onto it with purpose.

A piercing screech of tyre alerted you, snapping your head up, your lips parted in shock at the sight of a car barreling towards you at top speed. Scrunching your face up, you screwed your eyes shut in fear, accepting of the fate bestowed upon you. Expecting impact, you were startled by the harsh tug on your arm, stumbling backwards into your saviour’s chest. Your heart was pounding rapidly in your chest, unwilling to force your eyes open, plagued with fear and uncertainty about the events that had transpired.

“You should really be more careful,” a gruff voice commented in your ear, strong arms wrapping securely around your torso. You were thankful for the assistance, your knees having given out from shock. You felt oddly safe in the strangers arms, finding comfort in the security. “Are you okay?” She questioned, tone gentler this time, perhaps realising her initial comment may have been too harsh. You began to hesitantly nod your head, reluctantly removing yourself from the comfort of her arms. “Yeah, just peachy. It’s not everyday you almost die,” you attempted humour as a method of coping with the near death experience.

“Thank you, by the way,” you gazed into her chocolate brown eyes, forming a plan to express your gratitude. “No worries,” she nodded in acknowledgement, shifting her weight from one leg to another as you continued to stare up at her. “Are you sure you’re alright? I’m afraid that if I leave you alone again you may go stumbling in front of a stampede,” she joked, quirking a brow. “Then I suppose you’ll just have to save me again,” you grinned as she chuckled, running a hand through her dark locks. “Sure, princess,” she smirked, a blush spreading across your cheeks at the witty remark.

“I’m Heejin, by the way,” she introduced, a smug smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

“Sooyoung unnie,” Yerim called out to the dazed girl, pulling her back to reality. She hummed in response, glancing at the younger in curiosity. “What is it?” She questioned upon seeing the mischievous sparkle in Yerim’s large eyes. “Have you ever been in love?” She asked, an expression of innocence plastered on her youthful features. Sooyoung cleared her throat in surprise, eyes widening at the sudden boldness the younger had acquired. “Why, you haven’t been seeing anyone have you?” She teased, but there was an undertone of worry. She was so young, and the industry was brutal to those who happened to find love. Sooyoung knew that all too well.

“No, I’m too young for that,” Yerim shook her head rapidly in denial, frantically waving her hands about. “I’m only curious, you seem like you’d have more experience than the others,” she continued an eager smile adorning her lips. Sighing, Sooyoung shook her head in mild exhaustion, begging to stand. “It’s a long story, maybe another time,” she attempted to retire to her room, only to be stopped by a firm grip on her wrist. Spinning on her heel, Sooyoung raised a challenging brow at Heejin, who was previously seated quietly beside her. “I’m curious too,” she shrugged her shoulders, releasing her grip on the oldests hand.

“Fine,” Sooyoung huffed, giving in easily and plopping down on the comfortable couch cushions. “What do you want to know then?” She grunted, rolling her eyes in amusement at the way they eagerly approached her sides. “What’s it like?” Yerim asked, clasping her hands together in anticipation. “Love hurts,” the oldest stated bluntly, arms crossed over her chest in slight discomfort at the topic. “It’s not always sunshine and rainbows,” she continued, ignoring the way their eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “It doesn’t always work out,” Sooyoung said, a frown creeping onto her face as images of you infiltrated her mind.

“I loved someone,” she admitted, the words tasting bitter on her tongue. She had wished that you would be the one to hear this confession, it was meant for you after all. “And they loved me too,” Sooyoung uttered, a sad smile adorning her lips. She couldn’t bear to glance at Yerim’s hopeful gaze, it reminded her too much of how you’d looked at her the fateful night it all went wrong. “But love isn’t that simple, it’s more complex than two people sharing feelings for one another.” The oldest sunk her teeth into her pink lips, releasing a shaky breath.

“What do you mean?” Heejin asked, forehead creased in a frown. “I mean it takes more than that. No matter how much you love someone it doesn’t mean it’s the right time, and the moment you realise that is one of the most painful things you can experience.” Sooyoung elaborated, blinking back tears threatening to fall. “Sometimes things don’t work out, and that’s just the way of the world and there's nothing we can do but wonder what could have been,” she finished, abruptly rising to her feet.

Yerim stared after her in curiosity, tilting her head to the side, gnawing at the inside of her cheek in concern. Left restless by her members' blunt confessions, Yerim stumbled to her feet, staggering after Sooyoung. Heejin remained stiffly seated, toying with the hem of her shirt as she pondered the oldests words. She didn’t want to love only to wonder what it could have been. It felt worthless. If there was even the slightest chance that this was the right time for her, she wasn’t going to risk sitting back in fear of losing everything.

You sat on your couch, chin perched atop your first as you gazed up at the television screen. Immersed in the drama, the rapid knocks on the door of your apartment almost went unnoticed. Huffing, you begrudgingly lifted yourself from the soft cushion, shuffling over to the door with reluctance. The hinges whined in protest as you carelessly swung it open, eyebrows sewn together in confusion at the sight before you. “Heejin?” You questioned, unable to mask the surprise that laced your tone.

It wasn’t uncommon for her to spend time passing in your apartment, but she wasn’t one to show up out of the blue. Ever since that fateful day she’d saved you from early demise, an unlikely friendship has blossomed between the two of you. You struggled to recall how you’d become so close so quickly, but you knew she made you happy, and that was all that truly mattered. She had a unique charm, as if an invisible force was pulling the two of you together. Heejin was a breath of fresh air, and you were her escape from the chaos that stormed her life on a daily basis.

“Hey, can I come in?” She asked, tone gentle as she gazed at you. “Do you even have to ask?” You smiled, moving aside so she could step past the threshold. You both made yourselves comfortable on the couch, sitting side by side, knees brushing against each other. Heejin’s eyes were instantly drawn to where your skin met hers, staring down in contemplation. You waited patiently for her to speak, stealing glances at her every few moments. She seemed to be having an internal battle with herself, gaze conflicted as she anxiously fiddled with her fingers.

“I don’t want you to hate me,” she began, lips twisting into a frown. “Heejin, I could never hate you,” you smiled reassuringly, reaching out to grasp her hand in your own. “I would like to believe that, but you can’t be certain, Y/n.” She muttered, sinking her teeth into the soft flesh of her bottom lip. “I promise I won’t,” you proposed, holding a pinky up to her. Sighing, she merely stared at your offered hand, brows furrowing in uncertainty. “Trust me,” you grinned, meeting her conflicted gaze. “I do,” she admitted, avoiding your gaze.

“Then tell me what’s troubling you so I can make it better,” you coaxed, watching as her hesitance began to crumble. “I like you, Y/n.” She confessed, surprised as the grin on your face never faded. “I like you too, Heejin,” you smiled, patting her shoulder gently, platonically. “No, Y/n, you don’t understand. I like you more than a friend should,” she explained, a sad smile adorning her lips. Your eyes widened in shock, mind working overtime to process her words carefully. “Why?” The words rolled off your tongue before you could stop them, wincing regretfully as soon as they left your mouth.

“For as long as I’ve known you, you’re all that I’ve been able to think about.” She admitted, a hint of a smile tugging at her lips. “Everything about you drives me insane, and I don’t want to spend a second wondering what I could be missing out on, not if I have a chance.” She declared, a determined look crossing her face. “I know you’ve been hurt before, Y/n. But if there’s even the slightest chance that you reciprocate my feelings I’d wait until the time is right, because you’re worth staying for.” She confessed, unable to stop the smile from spreading across her features.

“However, I understand if you don’t feel the same,” she acknowledged. When she finally took a moment to look at you, she was surprised by the toothy grin you greeted her with. “You’re smiling? You’re happy?” She spoke aloud, brows furrowing in mild confusion. “Of course I’m happy, don’t act so shocked.” You grinned bashfully, ducking your head in order to hide the rosy blush that tainted your cheeks. “I don’t think I understand,” Heejin shook her head, perplexed by your sudden joy. She glanced hopelessly at you, head tilting in bewilderment.

“I like you too, Heejin. More than a friend should,” you beamed, watching as the gears in her head began to turn. Blinking in surprise, scepticism filled her gaze. “I don’t know where this leaves us, but I want to take whatever ‘this’ is slowly.” You said, motioning between the two of you. Finally beginning to wrap her head around the situation, Heejin nodded eagerly, eyes shining with excitement. “Of course, anything for you,” she agreed, unable to stop herself from pulling you into a crushing hug. You giggled fondly at her, wrapping your arms around her neck, mirroring her happiness with a genuine smile of your own.

Sooyoung stared blankly at the wall ahead of her, eyes void of any emotion. The chaos of her members' shouts fell deaf in her ears, her eyebrows sewn together in contemplation. She couldn’t help the feeling of loneliness that overcame her, it was puzzling. She was surrounded by the people she loved most, and yet she had never felt more alone. It had been over a year, but allowing her mind to slip back into thoughts of you sent her spiralling. She wanted a world in which she didn’t have to choose between her passion and her motivation. Pursuing a dream without you by her side felt much less rewarding.

So she allowed herself to wonder on sleepless nights, imagining the life she never stood a chance at. Sooyoung put herself through constant agony just to catch a glimpse of happiness. Thinking of you brought her nothing but joy, it was realising you were never going to have your happy ending that tortured her. There were times that she wondered where life would have taken her if she’d accepted your confession on that fateful day. She wouldn't have been able to debut and then would have never met any of her closest friends, those whom she considered her family.

A gentle tap on her shoulder had her blinking out of her daze, turning to face the source. “Are you alright?” Jiwoo asked, worry written on her face, eyes boring into Sooyoung’s soul. The older merely hummed in response, guilt clouding her mind as she avoided the concerned gaze of her member. She wondered how she could ever possibly imagine a life without them, regret instantly filled her mind at the thought. “Are you sure? You’ve been staring at the wall for a while,” the younger girl pressed further, reaching out to grasp Sooyoung’s hand. “Yeah, I was just thinking,” the taller girl answered softly, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze before retracting it.

“Okay, if you insist.” Jiwoo nodded in understanding, not entirely convinced by the older girl's claim. “You know I’m here for you, right?” The shorter girl asked, lips jutting out in a pout. Sooyoung grinned appreciatively, surprising the younger with a sudden hug. “Thank you,” she expressed her gratitude, not knowing just how much she longed to hear those words. Jiwoo mirrored her smile with one much brighter, gazing at Sooyoung with nothing but adoration. “Oh! Haseul asked me to let you know that Heejin is bringing a friend over for games night,” Jiwoo abruptly exclaimed upon remembering her initial reason for approaching the older girl.

All twelve members were spread across the living room and kitchen. The younger half focused on picking out a plethora of games, occasionally wandering into the kitchen to steal snacks. The older girls prepared multiple bowls of snacking food, pulling a wide range of drinks from their fridge. They normally weren’t as organised, but Haseul insisted on creating a good first impression on Heejin’s friend before exposing their chaotic selves. Though it was a near impossible task, when the members inevitably got out of control or overly competitive, she would at least have nicely arranged food and drinks to offer as a distraction.

A faint knock on the door caught Sooyoung’s attention, allowing her to slip away from the chaos in order to greet the guest of honour. Opening the door without a second thought, she did a double take as she caught sight of you. She had half a mind to shut the door in your face, but thankfully decided it would be against her better judgement. “Y/n?” She questioned, eyes widening and lips parting in shock. Your mouth fell open, prepared to speak, but only silence followed. The both of you merely stared at each other, unprepared for the sudden reunion. Before either of you had the chance to speak, Heejin came barreling down the hall and straight into your arms.

“Y/n!” She exclaimed, greeting you with a hug and pressing a chaste kiss to your cheek. “You act like we haven’t seen each other in months,” you grinned, avoiding eye contact with Sooyoung, who watched the two of you in confusion. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages,” Heejin groaned as you pushed her away gently. “Well, now that you’ve met Sooyoung unnie, let me introduce you to the rest of my members,” the younger one grasped your hand, brushing past Sooyoung as she tugged you towards the living room.

Sooyoung remained in the doorway, stunned by your sudden reappearance in her life. Her feet were rooted to the ground as she stood unmoving, wondering if she had conjured up an illusion of your presence. Your melodious laughter echoed through the halls, likely a result of Yeojin’s outgoing personality. Sooyoung walked stiffly through the corridor, coming to a halt beside Jiwoo who eyed her curiously. “Everything alright?” She asked, gaze filled with genuine concern. The older one nodded uneasily, sneaking a glance at you. The shorter linked their arms together in comfort, offering silent understanding for her member.

Jiwoo gently tugged on her arm as everyone began to gather in a circle, keeping a hand on her at all times in order to keep her in the present moment and away from her thoughts. She remained attentive to her member as games night proceeded, glancing at her regularly, but not so often as to burden her. Jiwoo was worried about her. It wasn’t common for Sooyoung to act so dejected, she looked truly and utterly defeated by the events that were transpiring and Jiwoo couldn’t seem to understand why. No matter, she would blindly support her, concerned for her well-being. Her heart panged in her chest at the sight of her closest confidant so hurt.

Sooyoung couldn’t seem to keep her eyes off you, lingering where your hand was interlocked with Heejin. The way you two gazed at each other, sharing hushed whispers followed by shy laughter, thighs pressed flush against one another. A sad smile adorned her lips at the sight, she couldn’t help but be grateful that after all this time you were doing well. She was thankful that someone had been there for you after your parting, it brought her a sense of peace knowing that things had worked out in your favour. That you were happy. Happy without her. Better off without her. Shaking her head, she sniffled, excusing herself from the gathering.

The moment she reached her room, tears began to freely spill from her eyes, cascading down her cheeks. She buried her head in her hands, furiously wiping them away, but to no avail. The more she thought, the faster they flowed down her face. She allowed herself to finally fall prey to the feelings she’d fought so hard to suppress. She felt as though she’d lost a part of herself, never did she anticipate the newfound lightness she felt. It felt good to let it go, she was aware the sadness would plague her for days to come, but this was a start. “Sooyoung?” Your voice called into the darkness of her room.

She gazed up through teary eyes, wiping her tears in mild embarrassment as your blurred face appeared in her opened doorway. “Hey,” she mumbled, sniffling as the lamp on her bedside table flickered to light upon command. “Hey,” you greeted, awkwardly shifting your weight from one leg to another as you stared intently at the ground before you. “How have you been?” She asked, plastering a weak smile on her face. “Better lately,” you admitted, a shy smile adoring your lips. As much as the reason saddened her, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief hearing the words roll off your tongue.

“I’m sorry about the way things happened, I should’ve reached out,” Sooyoung muttered bitterly. You were quick to dismiss her statement, adamantly shaking your head and taking a confident step forward. “It’s my fault, I was the one who asked for space, you only respected my wishes,” you winced at the memory. “I suppose we both could have handled the situation differently,” she admitted, silently offering you a seat on her bed with a tap on the duvet. “How are you, Sooyoung?” You asked sympathetically. “Honestly? I’ve been better,” she admitted, releasing a tired sigh. You nodded briefly in acknowledgement.

A beat of silence passed, both of you unsure of how to proceed. “I’m happy for you,” Sooyoung expressed, tone conveying the utmost sincerity. One glance at her chocolate orbs that swirled integrity proved to be fatal. Your heat ached in your chest as memories of your prior friendship flooded your mind at a rate you struggled to comprehend. The disheartened, yet genuine smile that tugged at her pink lips told you a tale of her own misery as a result of the friendship's abrupt, untimely ending. At the sight of her eyes glistening with unshed tears, you felt a familiar sting in your own. “I missed you,” the words slipped past your lips carelessly.

Sooyoung knew you didn’t mean it in the way she’d dreamed of hearing it, but that was okay. “I missed you too, so much,” a choked sob ripped from her throat. She was going to be alright. Healing was a slow process, but she was ready. Ready to move on, it was time to let go of the past. “I hope we can be friends again one day,” you whispered, letting the tears freely cascade down your flushed cheeks. Friends. The word no longer infiltrated your hearts as a deadly poison, but instead became an antidote to your sorrows. “I’d really like that,” Sooyoung sent you a smile, untainted by the sadness that had once plagued her soul.

With that, you rose to your feet, Sooyoung mimicking your actions. Unable to hold yourselves back, your bodies gravitated towards each other, sharing a crushing hug. The two of you remained still for a moment, basking in the memories it brought back. “I’m proud of you, Sooyoungie,” you whispered in her ear. The words she’d longed to hear rolled off your tongue with ease, springing tears to her eyes. She couldn’t contain the overwhelming feeling of relief that overcame her, the words carrying a meaning much greater than any other praise. It was only now in this moment she knew she’d truly made it. Everything began to fall into place for Sooyoung.

A faint knock on Sooyoung’s door has you pulling away, gazing over your shoulder in curiosity. Upon looking up, you catch the eyes of Jiwoo, who lingered in the threshold, eyes dancing with uncertainty. She could almost sense the history between you, unsure of whether to give you two privacy or let her concern for the older member outweigh her doubts. Jiwoo watched as you leaned up to whisper something in Sooyoung’s ear, a mischievous smile playing on your lips. “I’ll see you later,” you muttered, slipping past the younger with a polite smile plastered on your face.

Jiwoo hesitantly entered the room, eyeing Sooyoung suspiciously. The older merely smiled brightly at her, a sudden sparkle replacing the once sullen look in her eye. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Jiwoo questioned, eyes narrowed sceptically. “No reason,” Sooyoung grinned sheepishly, a near unnoticeable pink tint spreading across her face. Shrugging it off, the shorter plopped herself comfortably on the older girl's bed, eyes widening upon taking in the sight of her tear stricken face. “What’s wrong?” She asked immediately, hand darting out to caress her dampened cheeks.

“I’m fine now that you’re here,” Sooyoung said, a smile adorning her lips. Jiwoo let out a squeak at the bold statement, wondering how the words rolled off her tongue with such effortless charm. “I’m worried about you,” the younger woman voiced her concerns, gnawing on the inside of her cheek. “I know you keep telling me that you’re fine, but I can tell that you’re not. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it though-” Jiwoo was cut off mid ramble as Sooyoung reached out to grasp the younger’s hand in her own. “I’ll admit that I haven’t been very honest with you lately, but I promise things are better now. I’m going to be okay,” Sooyoung assured both herself and Jiwoo.

Everything was going to be alright.

This was painful to edit considering the recent events that have transpired recently. I couldn’t bear to leave it with a sad ending, as Loona is going through enough as is at the moment.

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