#Cathartic decay
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Today's aesthetic is rotcore
#rotcore#dirtcore#Rot core#Dirt core#Rotcore aesthetic#Dirtcore aesthetic#Aesthetic#Aesthetics#Aesthetic blog#Aesthetics blog#Aesthetic community#Aesthetic otd#Cathartic decay#decaycore
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I think I've worked out a way to make an FCG reincarnation attempt satisfying.
Reincarnate obviously needs to be attempted. The party is not going to do any less for FCG than they did for Laudna, and they will have access to the spell through Fearne or Keyleth. Having said that... it might be a mixed success.
Here's what could play out:
1. Choice Matters
FCG chose to sacrifice themself. Reincarnate requires a willing soul. Matt could rule that as FCG's soul departed willingly in their sacrificial death, it would not return during reincarnation. This could be pointed out gently by Keyleth.
2. Core Problem
Maybe, unlike regular humanoids, the only body part an Aeormaton needs to live is their core. Maybe the metal plates and wires and shit are all just cladding, able to be removed and replaced at will. Maybe that means the parts of FCG the Bells scavenged are not enough - maybe it NEEDS to be the core, because the rest is the equivalent of clothes.
Trying to reincarnate FCG based off anything but their core would fail, and their core was incinerated. They are gone.
3. Aeormaton based complications
When originally deactivated in Aeor (probably by the Calamity) FCG lost their memories almost completely. They were reborn with no past just a few years ago.
There are a few options here. FCG could reincarnate with no memory, just like before, and the Bells could mercifully let them stay on Exandria in safety, making a sacrifice of their own and hopefully leaving FCG to start a happy new life as a flesh-and-blood being.
Secondly, FCG could reincarnate using their current, reborn age - a 2-4 year old child. They come back with a mess of memories in the body of a toddler, knowing they want to help but realising they can't. They are emotional and confused but a cuddle and a drink of juice helps them cheer up. The Hells realise that FCG deserves a real childhood (instead of being thrown into service from the point of creation) and refuses to take them, leaving them with a trusted adult... like the fate-stitcher Morrigan. FCG gets to have a whimsical Fearne-like childhood with the hag they once designed team-building exercises with, and Nanna gets a fascinating reincarnated centuries old robot-turned-mortal with a heart of gold. The Hells can visit whenever they want, and if Orym's deal somehow hasn't broken, he can raise FCG like a son.
Finally. Okay here's my theory. It's possible that a unique type of resurrection applies to Aeormatons, given it was still possible after centuries to start waking them up. It could be that an intact core is required to link soul to body, so without their core, there would be no resurrecting FCG. On the other hand, as cores don't decay like regular humanoid bodies, they don't have a time limit for resurrection - hence FCG's activation a few years ago. Maybe D casts resurrection-related spells on all the Aeormatons with cores to wake them up. If the process fails, they sell the Aeormaton body to keep funding their efforts to search and rescue their people. Maybe selling FCG was an honest mistake - they thought resurrection didn't work, but FCG just needed a little more tuning to wake up - or maybe they wanted FCG to be cared for by someone with mechanical skills so they could have regular tune-ups. We haven't seen any resurrection or revivify spells cast on FCG - who knows if they would work? Maybe reactivation is always a challenge for Aeormatons, and the Hells just hadn't encountered it yet. Maybe getting in touch with D is the ONLY way to bring FCG back, core or no core.
In meeting D, the Bells could learn that a core is required for reactivation, and that there never was a hope for FCG. It would be cathartic because they'd know they had done everything in their power, but FCG would be allowed to rest.
-
I don't think Matt would have put such weight on making sure Sam understood his decision if this was going to be a simple case of casting a spell to fix it. But the table has to try. Don't be discouraged when they start pursuing reviving FCG, just know it's a pathway to more storytelling. Really, everything is.
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Long post! (Discussing Gothic Horror, Der Wolfsjäger, Werewolves, and why I love all of these things) I love Gothic horror, the aesthetic, of ruin, the haunting atmosphere, and the feeling that something old and dangerous and powerful lingers just outside of sight. The biggest aesthetic hallmark of Gothic horror is probably the lone decaying castle, this haunting vestige of the past intruding on our present day idea of normalcy and safety. But there's another aspect of Gothic horror that isn't as prominent that I have an affinity for.
I like the primal side of it. Statues inscribed with symbols no one can read anymore devoured by vines and fallen leaves. I like the beastly and barbaric side of that haunting feeling. That strange hereditary reminder of a time when forests were endless and dark with little refuge for man. Enter the werewolf. I am fascinated by the idea of people, even against their will, being returned to this savage state. I think most humans have an inherent discomfort with the idea that we are animals. We are fragile, we hunger, we are made of soft flesh that can be devoured.
Remembering that we are no more than animals somehow reminds us of a time we didn't exist in. That time when the forests were endless and we were few. It's frightening, it makes us feel small, it takes away our sense of control and safety. It shatters our delusions of power. But there's also something cathartic about completely immersing yourself in the things that make your afraid and uncomfortable. The Gothic werewolf is symbolic of this. The man living among us who has completely submitted to the brutal nature that still exists in all of us.
I say Gothic werewolf as a distinction from other kinds of more sympathetic, palatable, and less horror-centric werewolves. The Gothic werewolf is haunting. He's cunning and cruel. He does not see human life as special or valuable. He never stops being a wolf, even when in the form of a human.
I adore this. It's also one of the things that makes the Werewolves in my writing special. They don't see themselves as humans who become wolves, they see themselves as something completely different. They're characterized by their sickening disdain for civilization. In Matador Gothic when Alfonso asks Rampage to reveal his true fork he rebukes him, telling him that his wolf form *is* his true form. Mondheulers in Der Wolfsjäger wait patiently for the full moon, waiting to kill again, sometimes killing and maiming impulsively even as humans.
Blutschreibers in Der Wolfsjäger have to spend over a decade in the wild as wolves before they gain the ability to transform back into humans. This return to feral barbarism, and the allure of giving into it, is what gives them their flavor. The Blutschreibers are particularly unique, not only in the sense that they are haunted by spirits, but because underneath all of their barbarism and savagery there is a frightening level of intelligence and cunning that we as humans find frightening in something so animalistic.
We see barbarism as beneath our intellect. Something we left behind in the past for more intellectual and sophisticated virtues. Seeing something as intelligent as us, if not more, rip flesh and wield brutal strength is disturbing not only for its physical danger, but in the way it assaults our comforting worldview.
I'm excited for all the neglected and untapped potential for werewolf horror in audio roleplay. I'm writing Der Wolfsjäger with renewed enthusiasm now. Have fun! And remember, if you see a wolf in the wild, he always saw you first.
#werewolves#writing#werewolf fiction#werewolf horror#escaped audios#der wolfsjager#gothic horror#horror writing
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Shadowgast Recs: Time Travel and Time Loops
This week, we have 12 fics that feature time travel or time loops under the cut! Check them out, and don't forget to comment or kudos if you like them!
Something Worth Saving by cow_queen (35341,Not Rated)
Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence and Major Character Death (But they get better eventually)
A Groundhog day AU where Essek keeps reliving the day the Dynasty killed the Mighty Nein, constantly going back to the beginning in a desperate attempt to save his friends.
Reccer says: I really enjoy the way the timeloop mechanic is handled here actually, and rather enjoy the slow realization of who is really causing problems.
in the times in between by jakia (8098,Teen)
Warnings: None
A strange man keeps showing up to help the Ermendruds, but Una thinks he's really swell, if not a bit odd and strangely familiar...
Reccer says: Look, I just love Una's perspective and how we as an audience know who this man is but she doesn't. I just adore this fic so much.
To be Defeated and Victorious by basically_npr_trash (6394,Teen)
Warnings: none
While on a mission for Master Ikithon, Bren receives a letter from a mysterious Dynasty stranger offering a tenuous olive branch. Bren's rational side tells him to burn it immediately, but something pulls on him to follow through. A This Is How You Lose the Time War AU
Reccer says: It's got enemies to lovers, time travel, spies, clever places to hide letters, and the letters themselves!
Another Time, Another Place by Operafloozy (9780,Teen)
Warnings: none
Essek and Bren are time travelling spies that write each other letters. They fall in love.
Reccer says: It's This is How You Lose the Time War AU that focuses a lot on how their relationship changes from enemies to falling in love, and has some great visuals and lines in it. Also has a great Astrid and Eadwulf Cameo
the better version of our past by KmacKatie (5840,Explicit)
Warnings: None
In the split moment where Caleb and Essek use the gem to give everyone some much needed rest, they see visions of alternative timelines
Reccer says: The vibes are so perfect and weird. A wonderful emotional roller coaster for our boys
displacement by mllekurtz (12834,Explicit)
Warnings: Dubcon in the flavor of past!Essek sleeping with present!Caleb without disclosing that he isn't present!Essek
Post-97 Essek gets body swapped with his post-campaign self, sleeps with Caleb, and reckons with the fact that the Nein seem to love him.
Reccer says: This is Essek at his most self-loathing and Caleb at his most Essek-loving. That combination is heartbreaking in the best way, and makes the comfort that comes at the end hit that much harder.
Breaking Inertia by futureshieldmaiden (31096,Teen)
Warnings: none
Caleb and Essek get stuck in a time loop, and have to work together to get out of it.
Reccer says: An interesting take on the time loop idea - I like how having both of them stuck in the time loop changes the dynamics between them, even as they discover more information about each other along the way.
a shape made by our hands by saturdaysky (4158,Teen)
Warnings: none
Caleb time travels to a decaying timeline and meets a young Essek.
Reccer says: The look at Essek as a child is both adorable and heart-wrenching, and the way present day Caleb and Essek respond to what happened is perfectly them.
time will come by mieletthe (5750,General)
Warnings: None
In his old age Essek travels back in time to visit an elderly Caleb for a conversation on grief and death.
Reccer says: A remarkably cathartic and tender story. If you need a good cry, here it is!
if only for a moment by saturdaysky (2035,General)
Warnings: deals with the eventual future death of a main character, but no one dies in the fic
Caleb accidentally travels forward in time, far past his death. Essek is there and has been expecting him. They share a soft moment.
Reccer says: Sky handles the topics of grief and love with such exquisite care. I cry wonderful cathartic tears every time I read this fic. I'm tearing up writing this summary. Read this fic, you guys.
Twelve Thousand and Sixty-Five Seconds by LessAttitudeMoreAltitude (1945,Teen)
Warnings: There is repeated major character death and suicide, neither being permanent but is nonetheless present
Time was Essek's speciality. Which was why, waking up in his dark cell on the day of his execution, he immediately noticed the dozens of threads of possibility. Countless echoes of Caleb trying over and over again to save him. And they only got more numerous the closer he came to his death.
Reccer says: I liked it!
And then two for this last fic:
The Fullness of Time by Cers (162788,Teen)
Warnings: None
In the battle against Lucien, Essek makes a gamble that accidentally sends himself and Caleb back in time. They have to work to figure out how to get back to save their friends.
Reccer 1 says: This fic is incredibly well written and the last couple of chapters left me a mess with my emotions. Lots of good bits of the wizards trying to figure out their feelings and then avoiding talking about them
Reccer 2 says: One of, if not the best Time Travel fic out there. Cers explores the highs and lows of time travel, along with the paradoxical risks associated. HIGHLY Recommend.
Aeor is for Lovers is an 18+ Shadowgast Discord server. The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. All fics, unless otherwise specified, will primarily feature Shadowgast.
Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ! Next week’s we’re going to have fics that go a little darker - featuring Ludinus Da'Leth!
#shadowgast#time travel#critical role#cr fics#fic recs#critrole fic recs#essek thelyss#caleb widogast
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eternal youth is overrated - a good omens one shot
Summary: Heartbreak and loneliness have left Crowley marked in more ways than one. Aziraphale helps him see that this isn’t such a bad thing.
NOTES: I’ve always had a bit of a bittersweet fascination with aging (David Tennant’s crows’ feet make me emo in ways I cannot hope to describe), with the sadness but also the beauty inherent in it, and I thought it could be interesting to bring this idea to good omens. The concept was “what if Crowley started getting grey hairs after Aziraphale leaves, if, over time, his physical appearance subconsciously changed to reflect his mental state?” The fact that I wrote this as a 19 year old honestly just shows how much I need therapy, but it was honestly incredibly cathartic to work through some of my own mental struggles via Crowley in this fic. Aziraphale’s pov was equally fun to write, as I basically just got to write how he feels about Crowley based on what I feel about David (lol). Hope you enjoy my first Good Omens one shot- I may or may not make an A03 account if it gets enough engagement, I’m honestly pretty proud of it! Special thanks to my wonderful partner in crime @flyingfluse for providing some much needed inspiration!
PS: The title is actually from a song I wrote called Grow Old With Me (hopefully will be available someday fingers crossed)
——————
It had been a year.
Nothing to a demon, really. In the vast expanse of six thousand years on earth, not to mention the innumerable eons Before The Beginning, a year didn’t count for much more than a blip. But heartbreak is a funny thing. Time, for Crowley, now seemed to pass in a much more human fashion- the year that had elapsed since Aziraphale’s return to heaven, a year devoid of anything resembling laughter or joy, a year spent largely either sleeping or stewing in self-loathing, had seemed longer than the past hundred combined.
Crowley’s gaze blearily wandered to the rearview mirror of the Bentley. His reflection, as everything seemed to these days, mocked him.
Those sickly yellow eyes, reminding him of all he was and all that he could never be, like the sulfur he had been cast into all those millenia ago. On his worst days, it was like he could still feel it, eating away at him from the inside out, decaying his soul and with it, his body. It carved shadows into his cheeks and circles beneath his eyes, deep and dark as caverns. It rose in his throat until he choked on it, leaving his voice hoarse and acrid. It spewed out of him onto everything and everyone, every time he opened his mouth, an acidic bile of rage and bitterness.
He had been destroyed and rebuilt over and over through the millenia, and the product was a rough, hardened callus of a being, like a patch of skin that had been picked at too many times. He felt grotesque, untouchable, damaged- there would be no point to pursuing any new connections when no one would understand, nor why would they want to, when he seemed to turn everything he held to ashes?
A ray of sunlight leaked through the window of the Bentley, catching upon Crowley’s hair, revealing it to be littered with strands of grey, collecting dust-like in his copper mane. How the mighty have fallen, he thought bitterly. Falling, always falling, like leaves in autumn, their color draining as their forms grow brittle and they become one with the earth. From dust they were made, and to dust, they shall return.
Perhaps in a year, he would be dust too. What would he care?
Demons didn’t naturally age, or so he had thought. But loneliness seemed to have made a mortal out of Crowley, centuries of it crashing down upon his corporation, wearing it to the bones, etching his torment into his skin. He could always just miracle any part of himself back to the way it was, reverse all this damned erosion… but what would it matter? Why even try to keep his hair from losing its color when all the color had drained from his life the second his angel had left it?
He felt so, so old.
A single, desperate sob escaped Crowley’s mouth, cracking out of him like splintering firewood.
As he weeped against the steering wheel, the Bentley switched on its radio in sympathy.
I’ve walked too long in this lonely lane,
I’ve had enough of this same old game.
I’m a man of the world, they say that I’m strong,
But my heart is heavy and my hope is gone.
-----------------
The demon lay curled in Aziraphale’s lap, clinging to his chest as a snake might in search of warmth. It clutched at Aziraphale’s soul to see Crowley this vulnerable, the swaggering and smirking stripped away to reveal a heart in desperate need of care and healing- a task Aziraphale considered his greatest duty and greatest pleasure, for he knew Crowley would do the same for him.
Aziraphale ran his fingers through Crowley’s hair, earning a deep sigh from his beloved, whose brows turned up in fragile, stirring comfort. He loved doing this, both to see how much his touch moved Crowley and because he simply loved his hair itself. Bold, striking, an instant head-turner, just like everything else about him. It was now the longest it had been since biblical times, falling in elegant waves past his shoulders. But oh, something else was different… it was streaked now with rivers of silver, gathering in deltas at his temples. It lit a familiar flame in Aziraphale’s chest; that bittersweet blend of desire and sympathy.
“You’ve changed your hair, I see”, he said softly.
Crowley takes a labored swallow, strain and self consciousness seeping into his face. Whatever he says next, it’s clear that the admission is going to cost him.
“When you left, I suppose I… let myself wither away.” His voice is lodged deep in his throat, thick and murky, leaking out of him like tar, a sound from the depths of his own personal hell. “Oh, Aziraphale…” he exhales, and it’s one of the most poignant Aziraphale has ever heard. “I’m so tired. So worn down. So bloody ancient.”
“So am I, my dear,” he says, trying to come across more soothing than concerned.
“Yes, but you still shine in the same way you did all those millenia ago… still so bright, so soft. I’m all tarnished and rusted up… I don’t know how you still want to touch me.”
Aziraphale gazed down into Crowley’s eyes, piercing and pleading and fragile, like shattered stained glass. At his craggy, rough-hewn cheeks, all bones and edges he’d happily cut himself on to caress. At the deep, deep lines around his eyes, carved there by every grin and grimace and longing and ache. And oh, the silver in his hair… it suited him so, both rejecting and combining black and white with a color all his own. It wasn’t normal for immortal bodies, ethereal or occult, to bear the marks of time and experience as Crowley’s has. But then, Crowley was never an ordinary demon, or angel, was he? No, he was something far more exquisite.
“Oh, but I do… I do…” Affection surges through Aziraphale as he kisses every crease and wrinkle, every scar and every glorious grey, every sign that his dear Crowley has lived. He feels Crowley’s hands winding through his hair in response and kisses those too, those eloquent, spindly fingers and calloused palms…
“Crowley, my most cherished books… the covers are peeling, the pages are torn or yellowed with age… so why would you be any different?” His heart seizes up, his voice breaking a bit. “I have seen the fire and rain rage within you for so long, and I have seen the marks they have left upon you, and each one is precious to me. You know how I love to read… Why would I not want to see the story of my beloved written upon their face? My
dear old serpent, my survivor…you don’t have to fight anymore…”
He pulls Crowley tightly to his chest, drawing the tension from his shoulders and back before cupping the sides of his face as Crowley stares back, looking overwhelmed and old and so, so beautiful. “I want you exactly as you are. Rough and hard and frayed at the edges… you will never be too much of any of these things for me. In fact…” A slightly wicked twinkle forms in his eye as he smiles pointedly at Crowley: “They make you more tempting to me than ever.”
Crowley processes this for a moment. “Well…” he croaks out, that hint of playful snark finding its way back into his throaty timbre, “I suppose there is something to be said for… shades of grey.” Aziraphale laughs, remembering the words he himself said to Crowley all those years ago, on the same night he realized just how much he adored him.
Crowley smiles, that crooked, twisted, perfectly imperfect smile that Aziraphale missed, his eyes crinkling magnificently at the corners. “Kiss me,” he whispers, and Aziraphale is happy to oblige. Happy that Crowley, bold, fierce, independent Crowley, could finally let his guard down, could finally embrace that all of his scars and imperfections, every mark of time upon his face, everything he ever thought made him damaged and ugly only made him more beautiful in his sight.
#good omens#Ineffable husbands#crowley#aziraphale#david tennant#michael sheen#fanfiction#fanfic#hurt/comfort#Pro-aging#Anyone who has ever wanted to read Crowley with grey hair this is for you#Song: mother love by queen
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Okay, okay I wanna see what you come up with for this song. “Sew My Name” by Josh Pike (the live version at the Sydney Opera House is the best version in my opinion).
GN!Reader x TFA!Ratchet with a dash (or more than a dash) of cathartic angst.
Sew My Name - TFA!Ratchet/GN!Human!Reader
Word count: 1,667
You liked to leave your mark wherever you went.
For as long as Ratchet had known you, you loved to leave something of yourself behind. You thought it important that the universe knew you existed in some capacity. You carried a knife around in your back pocket so you could carve your name into tree bark. One evening, you had asked him to show you how to sew. You wanted to know, so you could sew things into the collars of your clothes.
Ratchet always thought clothes were kind of a strange human invention. What good was armor that didn’t protect anything? Winter clothes, that was a different story. Humans had less-than-stellar temperature regulation so it made sense that you needed that.
Didn’t stop you from shoving your hands into the warm mesh just under his chassis whenever you got chilly, though.
If Ratchet had had any idea how much he’d miss the little things you did, he would have savored it longer. Been a bit more hesitant to pluck you off of him, or tried to close the distance between you a little more.
Bumblebee was lucky, the little scrap. He was lucky because his favorite organic was actually a techno-organic and would live a long, long life alongside him. For Ratchet, it seemed like with every visit back to Earth from Cybertron, there was less of you to go around.
Then one day, there wasn’t any of you left.
You passed away on a seemingly innocuous Tuesday evening and he didn’t even hear about it until the next time he came to Earth to check up on Sari. She broke the news to him, and he wasn’t even sure if he felt sad or not. Perhaps he’d been mourning all this time in preparation for the news, knowing how short organic lives were. He knew what he did feel though.
He was angry. Angry, raging, pissed off beyond belief that you could put so much of yourself into the universe, only for it to not even blink or grimace in your absence. He wanted to drag Primus himself down by his audials and give him what for.
“Doc-bot, I didn’t even think you were that close with them.” Sari said, setting a hand– or were they servos now? He still wasn’t sure with her unique anatomy— on the back of his calf.
“Why wouldn’t I be? I was their primary doctor! Not only that but they were a part of the team, weren’t they?”
Sari didn’t really have an answer for him, she wasn’t really looking at him even when he turns to face her. After the battle with Megatron and his copies of Omega Supreme, things changed. It was largely for the better, with Team Prime being accepted as heroes. Prowl’s death, though noble, shocked all of them to their cores. It’s been decades since then and Sari had gone from a teen to an upstanding young femme, struggling with her father’s own slowly decaying mind. Ratchet hated to say it but he always figured Issac would go before you, not out live you.
It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair.
“What happened? I thought humans could live to be over a hundred years old.”
“I don’t know.” Sari admits, “I wasn’t really close with them. It just… got hard to talk to them, ya know?”
Ratchet hadn’t thought about that before. Sari, with her unique nature, may very well be the only person capable of understanding both the human and the Cybertronian angle of time. It made sense that Sari would slowly become unable to relate to you, a fully organic human being, the older you got…
It made him wish he’d spent more time talking with you.
“They did want me to give you something though, Ratchet.” Sari speaks up after a tense moment.
Sari had always been a girl that packed light, but Ratchet had entirely overlooked the bag she’d been holding. It was just a plastic bag but the real mystery was the parcel held within. Something small and light, bound up with a red ribbon. Sari sets it in his open servo and immediately he’s drawn to the softness of it.
It’s fabric, whatever it is. You were known to be a purveyor of various hobbies, it isn’t strange to think you might have gotten into fashion before your passing. Last he’d heard, you had taken to raising these insects called ladybugs. And before that, you had had an infatuation with sailing and the early history of your planet’s nautical culture.
He should have seen the signs of you slowing down way, way before this.
He unwraps the gift, revealing the folded fabric. A long strip of soft and silky material carefully hand embroidered with delicate gold. It reminded him of a thin scarf. On the very end, he finds his name stitched into it by hand. There’s the taste of something bittersweet on his glossa then, knowing he taught you how to do this. You kept up with it all these years later.
“Oh! I know what that is!” Sari chirps, and in an instant, her jet pack pops free from her back and boosts her up onto the medic’s shoulders. On her way up she snags the fabric from his grip, and with practiced ease, balances herself just behind his helm. She wasn’t as small as she used to be but still small enough.
“What on Cybertron are you doing?”
“Gimme a sec here!”
And a second is all she needs, because she loops the fabric around his neck cables and starts folding and twisting. Then, turns it around on him so the delicate puff of fabric is on the front of his chassis, hanging down and standing out as a stark, bright shock of color against his white paint. Like an ascot or a necktie or some other name for the vast many types of cravats there were on Earth.
“Guess they didn’t think you looked spiffy enough, Doc.”
The established base had tons of reflective surfaces, so one of them, a monitor, made a good enough mirror for Ratchet to adjust his new tie a bit. It was pretty, like Sari said, spitty, on him. He appraises himself, turning this way and that.
“Huh, not something I woulda gotten myself.”
“Pfft. That’s probably why they got it for you.”
“I didn’t think I was gone from Earth for that long for them just to… vanish like that.”
Sari shifts so she’s resting her arms and chin atop Ratchet’s head, legs throne over either of his shoulders and hoping her weight and her presence are soothing to the old medic. She squishes her cheek into the top of his helm.
“I don’t think anyone actually has a schedule for when they plan to kick the bucket. It just… happens. They probably wanted to give it to you in person but just ran out of time.”
Ratchet could picture it. You, old and greyed and still insisting they ride around on his shoulder while he talks about all of the numbskulls back at headquarters. Then they poke his cheek and tell him to stop being so grumpy, and give him their gift.
“Hey, you don’t have to answer this if you don’t wanna but…” Sari’s big blue eyes find his face in the monitor’s reflection, scrutinizing his expression for any minute detail. “Did you like them?”
“Of course I liked them. Why else would I put up with them? I like you, don’t I?”
“Awww, you do?” She flicks the unbroken point of his chevron, “Cute but that’s not what I meant. I meant like-like.”
“Oh, you mean like you and Bumblebee?”
Sari sputters and gives him a quick bop on the helm, “Yeah, yeah sure! If you need an example.”
“Honestly, Sari?” Ratchet begins, rubbing the golden seam of the tie between his fingers, “I…I don’t know. Cybertronians live so much longer than any organic life. It stands to reason that we fall in love slower too.”
“But that isn’t a ‘no.’”
“You’re right, it’s not. It’s not a ‘yes’ either. I guess, maybe, I could have if there was just more time.”
Sari doesn’t respond to that, not verbally anyways. She drums her fingers atop his helm, then he feels her squeeze him a bit tighter.
“I’m sorry.”
“And I’m Ratchet.”
That gets a snicker out of Sari. She pats the top of his helm and then he can see her in the monitor as she jerks her thumb back behind her.
“Bee wants to go grab some highgrade if you wanna join us.”
“Who’s ‘us?’”
“Me, Bee, Bulk, Jazz, and hopefully you. Optimus is still busy– Because when is he not– but he promised to call us all tonight.”
“What’s the occasion?”
“Does there have to be? All my old friends are finally together so, why wouldn’t I wanna hang out with them all? Don’t have to have a reason besides just saying you miss someone.”
Sari always was the glue of the team. Her and Bee, friends against all odds. Young bots that just loved one another and loved all of the people around them, even if they could be a little annoying.
“Yeah, I don’t gotta head back to Cybertron for a while yet. Might as well show off their gift, right? And hope Bulkhead doesn’t spill highgrade on me.”
“Aw yeah! That’s the spirit!” Sari pumps her fists, then bounces on his shoulders, “Giddy up, let’s goooo!”
That gets a laugh out of Ratchet. Yeah, it was probably better that he spent some time with friends anyways. You would have wanted to if everyone was in the city at the same time. Even if he didn’t like to have a drink himself, he’d drink to you. To your memory.
So that the universe knew that you really had your name stitched onto his very spark. That there was some piece of you that couldn’t be erased. He wouldn’t let it be erased.
#transformers#transformers animated#tfa ratchet#tfa sari sumdac#reader insert#Ratchet/Reader#thank you for requesting!!#robot-hoard requests#song fic#request fill#hm i think thats all of them#transformers/reader#transformers x reader#transformers animated/reader#tfa/reader#tfa ratchet/reader#maccadam#maccadams
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saving sin and sustenance: the contradiction of knives and the final act of planting an apple tree
if we extend the christian themes prevalent in trigun to this scene, knives appears to be both god (creator of the tree of knowledge and the fruit it bears) and the serpent (tempter of the forbidden). however, unlike god, knives is not forbidding the consumption of the fruit he's made, and therefore, he is also unlike the serpent because he is not tempting an act of sin by eating the fruit. in this moment, knives is simply providing sustenance: no restrictions nor trickery.
so, how did we get to this point? for a being that has greatly sinned yet desperately wanted a paradise of his own, who feared being used and consumed by humans; for all the death he has caused, knives is now giving life. and this is all because of vash and in turn, rem. the love and peace they preached and what knives originally rejected so strongly is ultimately what saved him: in both body and soul. for someone who always believed himself to be the savior but was unable to save the one person he was trying to protect, this failure must have humbled knives enough to beg for help; to sacrifice his original hateful dogma so vash could survive; to plant a tree as a wordless "thank you" and "i'm sorry" for what he was incapable of doing himself.
i have also seen people interpret this moment as knives melding and dying to become the apple tree himself. and while i can understand that reasoning, in my opinion, all knives did was plant the tree, not become it. knives whole thing is about having control. he lost it when he fainted after seeing tesla and he essentially vowed to never lose it again. even though vash saving him at the end did change him and his outlook towards humans, i still believe his need for control takes priority and therefore, he would not become a tree because he would not be in control then. he creates the tree with the last remaining energy he has to avoid the effects of the "last run," which was full decay causing immense pain and the blackened hair. the planting of the tree may show how knives finally submits himself to his true nature of being plant: to be nurtured and consumed, but by choosing to pass away immediately afterwards and assuming it would not matter to vash that he leaves without saying goodbye, knives allows himself to remain in control of what little he has left. he is giving himself the autonomy he had always tried to limit from his plant siblings. his final act is both a moment of selflessness and selfishness - and isn't that what knives has always been: a living, breathing contradiction? so, is it truly surprising that he maintains this in death as well?
nightow's ending for knives is so meaningful because it's so cathartic. we see a villain, who thought he was a god, realize his humanity. we see his final act is creating an apple tree and accepting his role as a resourceful plant. we see his final request be "take care of [vash]," which has been his main purpose from the beginning even if his actions throughout the story felt contradictory to that. we see knives be reborn and die just as he has always been.
#trigun#trigun maximum#trigun spoilers#millions knives#i'm sure all of this has been said before like his death is so biblical in so many ways lol but i had to say my piece!!!!#in essay format obviously bc i'm sick in the head :)#it's honestly such a bittersweet ending for an antagonist but that's what makes it so satisfying bc he's always been a contradiction#nightow allowed him to change while also keeping him exactly the same... just magnanimous writing tbh!
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the crow (1994), a gothic superhero film, is an incredible experience. the story itself is a fairly simple, but deeply heartfelt, tale of grief and revenge. the writer of the comic book from which this film was adapted wrote the story to process his own grief, and it shows in the protagonist’s cathartic revenge, framed in sympathetic terms as a journey of duty, not obsession, as well as in the deep, loving relationships between the protagonist and the friends who support him through his grief as they mourn him. in terms of story, the story is relatively straightforward. in terms of genre, it is much more interesting. the film juxtaposes the aesthetic of the gothic with the aesthetic of turn-of-the-millennium urban decay beloved in films like se7en (1995), saw (2004), and the dark knight trilogy. these two elements are very strongly juxtaposed through parallel characters with opposite generic sensibilities—for instance, the mob bosses t-bird and top dollar, the former of whom is a grubby man in a souped-up hot rod and the latter is long-haired, vampirically well-dressed, and kills with a sword; or the two promiscuous women, the trashy, morphine-addicted darla and the suave occultist myca. however, as vastly different as these two aesthetics are, the genres mesh perfectly well in the genre of a superhero film, a genre descended from a marriage of hard-boiled crime stories and the byronic hero. the narrative of revenge, central to both genres, is resolved twice in a way true to each genre: the first time, eric slaughters his mob-boss enemies in an extended firefight reminiscent of john woo’s filmography, and the second time, he fights his tormentor with swords on the rain-slick roof of an abandoned church. i would be remiss not to acknowledge the tragedy that overshadows the legacy of the film, the accidental death of its lead actor brandon lee due to a prop malfunction three days before filming wrapped. despite this tragic context, i found the crow (1994) to be a beautifully written, sensitively acted, and gorgeously presented film, which i highly enjoyed and would strongly recommend
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Tell me about the Havisham Fgo OC, i NEED to know ✨owo✨
OKAY SO I'M NOT A VISUAL ARTIST SO PLEASE BEAR WITH MY TEXT DESCRIPTIONS
but hoo boy, Havisham! she has two class containers!
Assassin represents more the concept of the bride left at the altar, or a lover left behind. it's one of the reasons she's more amicable than the textual Aurelia Havisham in personality. her manifestation of the Innocent Monster skill is pretty grody: on the surface, she looks like a porcelain doll of a Victorian bride, painted skin and etched features, but she's not brittle or hollow. that's because within that life-sized doll is the decaying, rotting corpse Havisham became in her loneliness-- Assassin feels more ashamed of her languishing and loss of youth than ever as a Servant, so she hides it.
her noble phantasm is her liquefied rot and tears.
“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.”
in the throes of the sadness and anger that first embitters every broken-hearted lover left to wait, Havisham's tears are her noble phantasm, [ Broken Vow (Grief of Immortal Tragedy) ]. it's a thick, black, viscous sludge that leaks from the cracks within her porcelain form, cold and toxic, eating away at all organic life like acid.
but if she's comforted and consoled, ESPECIALLY by a whole party, it can turn into a way to heal-- the tears turn to life-giving spores that sprout mushrooms! (sure you gotta cook them right to eat them, but y'know.) something about happiness being the key to nurturing life from even death, y'know?
now Avenger, however. Avenger is less sympathetic. Avenger is the Lady Havisham that took in Pip and grew resentful of Estella. her noble phantasm, [ Great Expectations (A Cobwebbed Dinner at Satis House) ], uses the same tears Assassin has access to-- but only the caustic ones, trapping a full dinner party's worth of guests in her dining room to drown them all in a sea that nearly reaches the towering ceiling.
Avenger can also just use Broken Vow as well, and does if she feels sadism would do more harm than the cathartic good.
and Avenger does, in fact, just proudly look like this
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How do you think toshi reaching the tomura vs izuku fight would go? For his next "role" in this arc, would he be there physically, through his aura might, or some other way? Id love to see him talk to tomura and witness izukus I am here! moment, but im guessing all that will happen in the vestige world, since he doesnt seem to be near them and idek if he can walk at all in order to reach them. (Additionally, I also hope izuku and toshi will get to have a proper, private and emotional talk after all this. For my dadmight feels ㅜㅜ since their reunion in 327 was honestly disappointing but we'll see!)
Can't say for certain at this point, but I feel like OFAFO shenanigans are going to happen and Toshi's momentary manifestation as a "full" vestige is going to end up being relevant (possibly through giving him the ability to "see" the other vestiges and what's happening in the vestige world instead of merely "feeling" it, the same way Tomura is now able to see them due to the resonance between OFAFO).
Before that, I also think that it's possible that the fight is going to be brought a little bit closer to where Toshi is-- Tomura is playing it cool atm ("No no no this is fine I'll just break them all as many times as it takes :) :) :) *very conspicuously scratching his neck*), but both he and AFO are currently malding over the fact that Toshi and Bakugo were saved, and I feel like this "mutual" hatred is gonna be part of what lets AFO take over Tomura again-- and after this happens, I wouldn't be surprised if he starts heading towards Toshi again.
Kurogiri/Aizawa also seem like they're going to play a big role by using erasure/warp at a key moment (probably to stop Tomurafo from unleashing a mass decay-wave in an attempt to kill everyone in the area?), so they're both kind of a wild card that could potentially warp Toshi closer to Tomura/Izuku or warp him away if need be.
(Additionally, I also hope izuku and toshi will get to have a proper, private and emotional talk after all this. For my dadmight feels ㅜㅜ since their reunion in 327 was honestly disappointing but we'll see!)
Yeah, same. Looking at the Iron Might chapters as a whole, I feel like the lack of a heart-to-heart between Toshi and Izuku regarding their falling out during the dark hero arc might've been intentional. Toshi attempting to kill himself to protect Izuku reads as the consequence of these two not sitting down to actually talk about their feelings imo:
So I definitely think we'll be getting an open and honest conversation between the two before the story ends. Toshi is more to Izuku than just his mentor, and Izuku is more to Toshi than just his disciple-- and them breaking free from the obligations that come with "being a symbol/hero/mentor/ect" should be cathartic for them both & allow them to both be more honest with themselves/each other and the fact that they both just want to be a part of each other's lives. Even if Toshi has nothing left to teach, even if Izuku doesn't have OFA.
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@febuwhump Day 14 - Bloody Tiles
Crack.
"It seems to be responding well to the trials, despite initial hiccups. This might be the one to..."
The moth snarls wordlessly at the roaches, barely an inch away. It knows that they can't hear it, not through the wall, but it feels cathartic to imagine that they can. The throb of broken chitin is thankfully absent, despite the rift splintered in their thorax, the flesh reweaving its way between it numb but painless. There is little that it truly feels nowadays, but the exchange was worth it, in its eyes. Rot worms beneath its skin, and it lets it work, directing the repurposed biomass of its opponent to repairing its wounds.
More combat tests. More bugs dead by its claws. It is beginning to grow sick and tired of so much as seeing something thrown into the ring with it, but it endures. The mouthful of mass that it can snatch from each opponent is more valuable than any other resource it has.
They still haven't realized that its healing is more than an effect of the Blight they pumped into it. They still haven't realized it thinks, more than the crystal network in its thorax is programmed to do. They still haven't realized it can plot, it can plan, it can prepare.
Every day it is stuck in testing is another day its siblings suffer. It can feel them even now, their pain echoing through the lines of the network. The crystals imbedded within their bodies are both blessing and curse, a lifeline and a horrible reminder of just how much those around it are suffering. Connection is a double-edged sword, a blade both necessary and painful.
Another sibling cries out in agony. Another light dims, pain jolting through the bond before it abruptly shuts off forever. It sharpens its claws, digging them into the wall between it and the roach scientists.
"...should run a few more tests before calling it in for the night.
Its claws split on the walls. It can see yellow-green hemolymph drip from the cracks, feel the slight loss of mass as its bodily fluids drip out of it. Its rotting blood pools in the cracks between the tiles, leaves long streaks on the walls where it came. The Blight in them still roils in it, damaging the linoleum as it decays at a pace a thousandfold beyond what should be.
It merely watches, claws still fixed into the grooves it's worn in the wall.
The lab reports roll into its head as it prepares to fight again. Progression. Prediction of future progress, refined and redone again. A handful of roaches talk about the potential of its future as a lab guardian. A few more drops of rotten blood spatter on the tile floor.
With every battle, it gets a tiny bit closer. With every life, its Blight gets a tiny bit stronger. With every bug it kills, the rolling, writhing pool of biomass in its chest grows just the slightest bit louder.
Some day, it'll get out. Some day, it'll be free. And when that day comes, then it'll take pleasure in spilling a drop of roach-white for every single drop of yellow-green that its siblings have bled.
#we speak#whump#my posts#writing#bug fables#zommoth#kjdrira#bloody tiles#blood#injury#minor character death (mentioned)#blight magic#the beast wishes to kill#and that is a Feature#febuwhump#febuwhumpday14#febuwhump2024
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I am sooo happy I sent that ask!! Your reply was everything I could have wished for and more. I didn’t know anything about the VC universe (I did see the movie adaptation as a kid, but all I could remember were the ~vibes), and now I might actually want to check out the books. I mean I can’t believe how much of it is canon LOL, traumatized kinky asexual vampires wtf? sign me up??? Which book(s) of the series would you recommend to me? :o
In the meantime, I will DEFINITELY be giving your VC fics a try, thank you so much for the pointers!!! I’m already weak just reading your reply, esp. that parallel of post-disaster Armand and Marius being kind of like an AU where Shiro *does* give up on Keith - that actually broke me. A lot of what I love about your fics is how you characterize Keith so realistically and in a way that’s meaningfully informed by his upbringing/subsequent abandonment issues and that’s a thrill to read because, well, it’s just good writing - but also because it makes so much sense, not just abstractly but in a very real and personal way. And while the ~relatability~ of it all makes for a super intense reading experience, it can also be weirdly and sometimes incredibly cathartic imo - which is one of the reasons why I think I keep revisiting your fics (sorry if tmi LOL 😭). But!! In the case of Sheith it more or less all works out in the end because, like you said, it’s such a wholesome ship and they love and prioritize each other so much that (as a reader) they’re kinda like a safe space, delectably complete with all the angst and hurt and fuckedupness of their circumstances/selves (you know, for flavor). However, thinking about a timeline where it does NOT all more or less work out, well that’s kinda super heartwrenching! But yummy? And I kinda can’t wait to get into it but I’m also genuinely scared for my heart LMAO. Anyway I’m sorry for rambling!!! With your permission I will definitely come back and scream about Sheith and vampires because I sorta already am lol.
Re: the teaser xmgdknfnrmsmgdk I can’t even gather enough brain cells to form coherent sentences, I’m just squealing and awaiting my resurrection I guess. Thank you sooo so so much! I got so excited I haven’t even been able to finish reading it 🫣😳😵😵😵
!!!!! Thank you again for such a thoughtful and delicious response! <3
Dgahskjdl g GOSH THANK YOU AGAIN
So this post got really long I’m so sorry asdghkads TLDR: I recommend all of them but I also don’t LMAO and you can skip around and won’t be confused but it will spoil stuff. This is a LOADED QUESTION.
It’s wild like I was thinking about the fic i could stop dreaming and also just in general AGAIN IF WE CAN TALK ABOUT COMMON SHEITH TROPES/FANON like I’ve read many S8 fix-its where Keith is drifting around and he’s just like so cold and broken and empty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And that’s how Armand feels to me! Even a fic like heart nailed open where Keith is just so fucking empty! Or SOURCE DECAY??????? Like I think there’s tons of Sheith AUs or S8 fics where Keith is like Depressed Guy Keith and !!!!!! God it fucks me up lol. Armand is kinda like if Depressed Guy Keith was also like a 500 year old fucking weirdo.
And like BECAUSE they’re vampires and they’re immortal they’re sort of always coming in and out of each other’s lives so like there’s always a hypothetical future where they can work it out. Like i could stop dreaming is about them working it out, right? And what it would take to heal that injury. And there’s a lot of stuff in canon where these characters commit absolute fucking atrocities to each other and still manage to work it out and I think it’s again just an exercise in empathy and asking if we can still deserve love when we’ve fucked up. The characters have CENTURIES to get over stuff (and some of them STILL DON’T LOL) but sometimes they do. Famously & without spoiling too much of IWTV, Armand does something pretty fucking atrocious to Louis and they still have a long relationship and still love each other very much!!!
But ON THE QUESTION OF WHICH BOOKS, jfc hold my beer
I think in Sheith you see people like almost universally dismiss S8; the only fics I ever see of it really are like just gratuitous whump or fix-its LOL which is valid. And VC has FIFTEEN FUCKING BOOKS and you could honestly ask ANY fan in VC which books “count” and which books are skippable and I think everyone has a different answer.
I also think you can read them out of order and there’s always a little bit of exposition to catch you up so you won’t be lost; the only downside is that you’ll get spoiled on the previous book. For example, if you jumped in and read Armand’s book first, it would make sense, but it would spoil what happened at the end of the book before it.
Also to get the movies & show out of the way because it’s faster than committing to fifteen books:
The 1994 movie is a pretty solid adaptation; you can tell they condensed some details for time or whatever but it’s pretty faithful. There’s also the show that came out last year which is …………….. not so faithful lol. The show also heavily focuses on Lestat & Louis which is the juggernaut ship of the fandom but they’re also like the missionary position of the fandom so who the fuck cares lol. (Loustat fans lurking in this extremely niche post I am so sorry, I'm kidding ilu LMAO it's just not my thing!) And tbh the show wrote Armand & Daniel’s characters SO POORLY it like absolutely killed any motivation I had to continue watching so as an Armand stan I can’t really recommend it but it’s kinda like silly and fun if you don’t take it too seriously. And tbh if this entire fact finding mission is to understand VC more, the show literally changes EVERYTHING; it changes the time period, it changes the lore, it changes the story, it changes the character ages, etc. Basically it just kept the names lol. It's a completely different canon so I think even show fics & book fics aren't compatible either.
There’s also a movie of Queen of the Damned from 2002 which is like SO BAD LMAO but also silly fun. It’s a really bad adaptation but I’d put it in between the movie and the show. Marius is in it and the characterization is really strange LMAO. Armand is an extra.
The thing about VC is that it’s very sort of like non-linear and nontraditional storytelling. Most of the books are narrated by Lestat but several of them are narrated by random other people, and a lot of times the same story is retold through other people’s POVs. Like you get the story about Marius & Armand in three different books and each version is a little different because everyone has a different perspective. And regarding reading out of order and having spoilers, I do think it often creates like a suspense vs surprise element because we circle back and revisit the same stories so many times; you might get a spoiler and read a book knowing that a certain thing is going to happen and there’s still the tension of waiting for it to happen haha. Like when I mentioned the cult raids Marius’s house—you learn about that in Book 2 so you read Armand’s book later going into detail about his life and you’re just SWEATING because you know it’s coming. AND THEN YOU READ ABOUT IT IN MARIUS'S BOOK AND YOU'RE JUST DEVASTATED ONCE MORE.
I will say that for me I always recommend just fucking read them lol. Just read all of them. LOL!! But they’re weird and like, you’re gonna hate some of them, but I don’t think you can take someone’s word for it on Tumblr, it must be experienced. But I do understand that it’s a lot of material to get through and so I can give a fair cheat guide I think.
Most fans agree that the first three books (“The Trilogy”!) are solid and worth reading. Those are Interview with the Vampire, The Vampire Lestat, and The Queen of the Damned. IWTV is like this gloomy gothic tome about Louis’s life that started this whole thing and was written as a conversation about grief because Anne Rice’s daughter had died. It absolutely reads like a book someone writes about their daughter dying and it’s REALLY beautiful but it’s also a bit dense at times. If you’re put off by the vibe IT GETS EASIER when Lestat shows up because he literally bursts into the series like Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way ready to like tell you how blonde he is and how he’s gonna fuck everyone’s lives up. The books are still very heavy on existential questions and angst and grief but the text gets a bit lighter and super absurd LOL.
The first three also establish the universe and lore, though, so I think it would give you a pretty solid foundation to understand that type of stuff.
After the trilogy the books just go off the rails like there’s a few about Lestat having stupid adventures and doing dumb shit, there’s a few that cross over with Anne Rice’s witch series (so add three more book so if you truly wanted to read all of them!), then Anne Rice went back to the church and stopped writing vampires so there’s a huge gap, and then she quit the church again and returned LMAO. There’s a final trilogy she wrote before she died that are like, not the heaviest reading and they’re just kinda like silly good times with lots of Easter eggs and fan service. I feel good about the final trilogy being how it ended, just really silly times about them trying to use iPhones and shit, completely wild.
As far as ARMAND CONTENT THOUGH.
Armand does feature heavily in the trilogy so that’s also a good Armand foundation. And it’s REALLY FUN because he shows up in IWTV as sort of a chill mentor to Louis, but then in TVL you get the story about how Lestat met him when he was still in the cult and he was a feral little monster!!! And I love the duality of how Lestat and Louis describe him!!! It’s framed as unreliable narration a lot of the time because like Lestat’s resentment & Louis’s respect for Armand absolutely color the way they describe him, but idk like 100 years go by in between the two meetings so you also see a lot of character growth and see how Armand is doing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God. My heart.
Anne Rice also very often uses like texts inside texts so like, IWTV literally is an interview with a vampire where the bulk of the book is in quotes as dialogue LOL and then in other books you often meet a character who will talk for like 40 pages at a time to tell a story. So in TVL when Lestat meets Armand, Armand takes over for a chapter and tells the story of his life, and then later he meets Marius and Marius ALSO tells the story of his life.
QOTD is a modern story (modern in the 1980s when it was written haha) about how the whole vampire world has to deal with Lestat’s bullshit and they all come together for a common cause. This book features the little novelette about Armand & Daniel as one of the chapters!! It’s so good!! (The chapter is called The Devil's Minion and basically if you needed to understand Armand & Daniel you could just read that one chapter and that's basically it bc then it goes to shit!!! Not to spoil anything but also don't get your hopes up about like heaps and heaps of ship content because there isn't any lmfao fml)
It also features Marius and Armand reuniting with each other after 500 years!!!!!!!! HEARTBREAKING! It’s really good and very preposterous but the writing is so lush and takes itself so seriously you kinda forget that it’s preposterous.
Armand has a POV book later in the series, it’s called The Vampire Armand, it details his life as a human and some of his early years as a vampire with Marius. IT’S SORT OF LIKE A LONG EXTENDED VERSION OF HIS CHAPTER IN TVL.
I do want to say that regarding the BDSM and whatnot that I mentioned; this book is quite controversial because there’s not good BDSM etiquette LOL and like part of the genius of this book is that it can be read as abuse, even when Armand isn’t setting out to tell you the story of how he was abused. I have a lot of thoughts about this because Anne Rice was also an erotica writer and her erotica books were all noncon BDSM; I WROTE ABOUT IT HERE I DON’T WANT TO GET INTO IT NOW but I think depending how people go into this book they either see the kink & sex stuff as explicit abuse OR you can read it as like, fantasy from a porn writer. As a Sheith fan I’m going to assume you’re not that sensitive lol. (But also por que no los dos, that's the flavor baby!)
Personally I think you could read this book as a standalone and like, it’ll be a little whacky without context, but I think I’ve given you a lot of context. It’s basically about his sad sad life, the religious trauma, and all the freaky sex he had. (Also just so you’re not disappointed, the sex isn’t graphic haha but he’ll be like “And then I went to the brothel and they licked honey off my nipples and I came home and Marius sucked my dick in the bathtub” but not like crazy sex scenes.)
Marius also has a POV book called Blood & Gold and it’s my favorite in the series!! IT’S MARIUS’S LONG EXTENDED VERSION OF HIS TVL CHAPTER. I think it’s the one that handles IMMORTALITY the best; the other books often focus on a short period of time or a specific incident and don’t often span someone’s ENTIRE life. IWTV spans Louis’s entire life but he’s only like 200 years old. Marius is 2,000!!!! He’s from the Roman Empire!! So like it’s really exciting to me to read about his whole life and all the eras he lived through!!!!!!!!!!!!
In his book you also get a few chapters about his time with Armand and it breaks my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There’s also a third secret option which is the book Pandora which isn’t part of the main series; VC is like actually 13 books and 2 side books? LOL So Pandora is one of the side books. But she was the first vampire that Marius made and they were lovers for like 200 years. This book to me feels like Anne Rice had a lot of leftover historical research and wanted to park it somewhere so a lot of the text is her talking about history stuff but there’s really great Marius content here and Marius/Pandora is one of my fav ships.
A lot of the fandom are more into the original trilogy and the Lestat/Louis content but I’m all about Marius so I’m into the DARK TRIAD of The Vampire Armand/Blood & Gold/Pandora. This to me is the more interesting section of the series but it’s an unpopular opinion so don’t take my word for it.
Other than that I’d also say Memnoch the Devil is my absolute least favorite VC, I think it’s so weird and boring lol but there’s some absolutely incredible Armand stuff in it and the stuff Armand does in this will be spoiled immediately if you check out Pandora or TVA. All in all it’s like idk 10 fucking pages of Armand LOL so if you got an ebook you could probably word search him. BUT YKNOW WHAT? Again don’t take someone’s word for it from Tumblr because like I find this book very weird and boring because it’s the most religious and I was raised atheist; there are people who were raised religious and say this one is their favorite. So what the fuck do I know!
Marius & Armand & Daniel are all in the final trilogy as well if you make it that far. Daniel is sort of always shuffled to the side because Anne Rice didn't care about him so like every time Daniel shows up I like feast on the breadcrumbs LOL but I'm glad to get some context about how he's doing and what's going on with his life.
ANYWYA I’M NOT SURE IF THIS ANSWERS THE QUESTION OR MAKES IT MORE CONFUSING LOL but ! ?!
They’re very weird books, they’re also kinda outdated and racist, but very queer, beautiful prose, incredible characters. They were my first hyperfixation that I can never seem to shake even when I’ve done all the work to dismantle all the ways they’re problematic and imperfect, it’s just yknow sometimes something gets its claws in you LOL. And I go out and explore other fandoms and still always come back to Marius and Armand and Daniel lol. I say that to say I wouldn’t be offended if you didn’t like them LOL but don’t judge me if you give it a shot and you’re like “what the fuck is this”
I just think Armand is like the most incredible character of all time okay!
SORRY FOR THIS VERY LONG REPLY LOL love you, patience yields focus!
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"The line between a Clipping. and Slayer gig is tighter than you'd think."
Daveed Diggs' alt hip hop group challenge notions of heaviness at Roadburn Festival 2024 - Clipping. show why hip hop's more extreme edges should be more embraced by the alternative scene
Hip hop might not be the first thing that comes to mind when it comes to Roadburn Festival, but the Dutch event has quietly embraced the genre's more alternative, boundary-pushing elements in recent years. In that sense, Clipping. are a perfect booking for the festival, the trio - made up of rapper Daveed Diggs and producers William Hutson and Jonathan Snipes - delighting in a sense of abjection that lets them sit comfortably alongside previous Roadburn bookings like Moor Mother, Dälek and Backxwash.
But while Clipping. share an affinity for massive, mechanised beats and liberal application of low-end, they boast something of a secret weapon in Diggs. A Tony-award winning actor, Diggs has an undeniable star quality that shines throughout the performance, bringing a sense of charisma and theatricality which elevates the group's two sets over the festival.
“Lets do some scary shit,” Diggs declares and sure enough the group's first set - to a packed Main Stage on Thursday - kicks off with Nothing Is Safe. Built around a sample of John Carpenter's Halloween, the track is a perfect primer to the group's horrorcore sensibilities, explored directly elsewhere with the Candyman referencing Say The Name but ever-present, hackle-raising bass providing a springboard for Diggs' flow, which ranges from a steady trickle on tracks like Bout That to all-out rapid overflow on Taking Off.
Where on record the group delight in lurking in the spaces between minimalist beats, live they create a constant sense of menace, low-end grumbling and lurching from shadows while beats feel like they grow ever-more claustrophobic. For all of their horror sensibilities, Clipping. also have massive hooks that seize the audience like a vice, tracks like Check The Lock and Shooter tapping into almost mainstream territories with rhythmic, .
The group also have something special in mind for their Roadburn appearances. "Fair warning: this is going to fuck you up," Diggs teases, before introducing R&B singer Counterfeit Madison as a special guest, adding a whole new dimension to their sound. Appearing in both sets, Madison contributes a Nina Simone-like soulful, deep vocal to the set that provides an emotional, cathartic release against the hissing, clanging beats, first on All In Your Head (the 2019 track that first brought her together with the group), but then on subsequent songs across the set as she adds entirely new textures like gospel (Story 5), pop (Enlacing) and delta blues (Long Way Away).
Though Madison guests in both sets, overlap is minimal. The pitch-black interior of The Terminal for the group's second appearance might be better suited for their artistic expression of darkness, but the second set arguably feels more like a party. Club Down is a dancefloor banger by Clipping. standards and the sight of members of crowd shouting "gangster shit" feels like a cultural coup that cements the alternative sphere's adoption of hip hop, There's still fangs to their delivery, however; Pain Everyday makes use of skittering electronica that feels like bugs buzzing across the skin, while Body For The Pile makes exceptional use of violent, dark imagery.
In fully embracing lyrical narratives of violence, abject horror and societal decay, the line between a Clipping. and Slayer gig is tighter than you'd think. The frantic breakout of a song like Wriggle offers an altogether different vision of thrash, while the intense rhythmic pulse of Body & Blood could be employed just as effectively by anyone from Ministry to Swans, an implacable industrial press. Even in a weekend that presents the powerful doom intensity of Khanate, howling sludge-noise of Couch Slut and technical death metal prowess of Blood Incantation, Clipping. offer an alternative vision of extremity that proves heaviness isn't the purview of metal alone.
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A literary horror debut about a boy who transforms into a monster, a monster who tries to be a man, and the people who love him in every form he takes
Grieving mother Magos cuts out a piece of her deceased eleven-year-old son Santiago’s lung. Acting on fierce maternal instinct and the dubious logic of an old folktale, she nurtures the lung until it gains sentience, growing into the carnivorous little Monstrilio she keeps hidden within the walls of her family’s decaying Mexico City estate. Eventually, Monstrilio begins to resemble the Santiago he once was, but his innate impulses—though curbed by his biological and chosen family’s communal care—threaten to destroy this fragile second chance at life.
A thought-provoking meditation on grief, acceptance, and the monstrous sides of love and loyalty, Gerardo Sámano Córdova blends bold imagination and evocative prose with deep emotional rigor. Told in four acts that span the globe from Brooklyn to Berlin, Monstrilio offers, with uncanny clarity, a cathartic and precise portrait of being human.
#book: monstrilio#author: gerardo sámano córdova#genre: horror#genre: fantasy#genre: magical realism#year: 2020s
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I just wanna say, I ADORE your fic “What Used to be Mine”. I reread it whenever I just need to feel a cathartic ache and relief. So I have a numbered list of thoughts that have popped into my head each time I do:
the title is a reference to is a reference to the “Healing Incantation” from Tangled, right? Have you seen any of the animated series? Because it’s set post Movie and there’s a “Decay Incantation” (something something every light has a shadow etc) that makes me think of Dean in this fic, and how he’s mentions he realized he was “rotting” in his room. The Incantation goes “Wither and decay, End this destiny, Break these earthly chains, And set the spirit free, The spirit free” * so…yeah, in my head he’s been chanting this at himself the whole fic basically haha ☹️ (also the healing spell is a bit more…selfish? And the decay spell is more…sweeping/broad? “Give back what’s mine vs Set it Free” hmmm 🤔)
Also with the title, it makes me think of “She Used to be Mine” from the musical Waitress, it’s a lament of the titular Waitress (who loves baking pies for her diner and that’s the only positive thing she has left she at this point) over the loss of who she used to be, how life and her job and her dirt bag abusive leech of a husband have drained the life and vitality from herself. She’s mourning the person she was, that she considers separate and dead from herself now, but the issue is she’s pregnant now and she doesn’t know what to do, so she’s singing to her unborn baby (the line “…but now I got you. You’re not what I asked for” is to the baby) that, “that old me would have been a good mom to you, but not me” and a faint hope maybe this will situation will make her try and not just accept her life now. I don’t know that Dean has ever liked himself enough to be nostalgic for who he used to be but it does give me Dean&Jack feelings, maybe the nostalgia for old Dean was a Dean that has an alive Cas, that Dean could have been good to Jack. But if we make the “you’re not what I asked for” more general could be Dean to Cas (especially in like a 2014 Dean to say a later canon Cas… maybe a AU where Dean does die post Soul Bomb and that Cas meets a 2014 Dean that survived Samifier?) sorry tangent lol
I adore your Garth and I like to imagine post fic a lovely gentle family supper with Cas meeting Cas jr and Garth being so very happy to see Dean doing better. And that they do those suppers at least once a month as a reward for Garth doing all he could to keep Dean doing, all his favorite people in his pack sharing a meal
a) Speaking of post fic and the people looking after Dean, I do wonder about Sam once he finally learns Dean is alive and so is Cas. Either we get our patented Emotional Bro Moment ™ and slow path to healing. Or like, Sam sees Dean is alive and ok and so is Cas and Sam, who I assume has been feverishly hunting for Dean 24/7 since he ran away, is like, “you good Dean? Cas you staying with him? Ok I’m going to the Bahamas for a month talk later bye” and 4 b) does Sam ever find out just HOW bad off Dean was when Cas found him or is that just between Cas and Dean?
I adore just how NEEDY Dean is for Cas once he’s back and ooohh delightful co-dependency and it’s just so so Dean. I like to imagine he gets better about needing Cas touching at all time but he’s still always clingy. And that he sometimes just NEEDS as close as possible (nightmares, post a dangerous situation, Cas got away from Dean in the grocery store for too long, etc) and maybe Cas is like, “Dean if I could I’d be as close as possible all the time but unless I possess you I won’t be able to do [x]” and Deans like “…yes”. Because what could be closer? Maybe not full time and Dean likes Cas’s body a LOT but maybe as a sometimes thing Dean needs to feel Cas in every cell of his body and soul AND go to the post office/interview someone for a hunt (if Dean ever does hunt again even occasionally) so Cas hops into his body for an internal bear hug since he can’t do so externally without people lookin’ funny as they shuffle along
I might remember other things but again! love this fic so much! Sorry for rambling so much!
❤️❤️❤️
*vid of the Decay incantation here https://youtu.be/_jZ6LTmyW6U?si=8tSj36trhI5H-7uP (here they found the new Incantation and are like, what does it do/can we use it to defeat [insert big bad here]? And this is the result oops. There are even more Incantations but they have SPOILERS, as it’s about 2 different powers (Sun Drop/Moon Stone) struggling for balance etc etc it’s a 3 season show with LORE and it’s vry good. The LORE around the Moon Stone is why Rapunzel has her long hair back because she touched some magic moon stuff and the her hair grew back and…)
Oh! I wasn’t the only one to connect “She used to be mine” to Dean, here
It works very well it turns out!
But as a bonus question, do you think there’s a version of Dean that the Dean at the end of the show would nostalgically think was “good enough” for Cas? As like another denial tactic, where Dean of now is like, “yeah Cas loves me and I love him but as I exists now I don’t deserve him like I would have before I [pre Hell, before Dean was Jack's John Winchester (even temporarily), Pre Michael, Pre Divorce arc, etc], but now I just gotta stay just friends for his own good”.
Thanks again for writing a fic like “What used to be mine” that gets my brain whirring and my heart fluttering
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Hello, anon!!
Tumblr isn't letting me format this answer at all, which is super fun and has been just a joy to repeatedly struggle w! I'm gonna try to keep my points short since this is a v long post lol
Firstly, your meta is v cool and i hate to disappoint you, What Used to Be Mine was chosen arbitrarily as the title bc it was on the mood playlist I made while writing the fic, and then i was struggling for a title, opened the playlist, and it was the first song title i saw (and yes, it's the version from the Broadway show lol)
I love Garth, he's under-utilized T A T
As for the reunion scene, I've actually thought a lot about this. Tbh i'm bad at being succinct lol and I just knew that if I *wrote* the reunion scene, it'd be another 20k words, and I had too many WIPs going on at the time to dedicate energy and time to that.
In my mind, I think the reunion would be complicated. I don't think Dean and Cas would tell Sam how bad it got - Dean runs away, in part, to protect Sam from seeing him at his absolute lowest. He's parentified and wouldn't want to put that on Sam. So, I think ultimately, Sam would be told that he doesn't need to worry about the why or how, just be glad Cas is home and Dean is okay, and he'd be reluctant at first, and then kinda pissed off.
What he dealt with, with Dean in that fic, was emotionally exhausting. And then he was kind of abandoned. Being told to just shut up and smile wouldn't go over well w Sam, and it might take Garth's intervention to smooth things over, and remind Sam why it's a bad idea to poke at wounds like that, and to just let Dean have his privacy. With how codependent Dean and Sam are, i think it would just make Sam v angry that he's being shut out of the conclusion of MONTHS of agony for them both, but he'd eventually, gradually, release the resentment he might feel over it.
I like to think the Cas/Dean reunion scene in What Used to be Mine is a reflection of how they met in Hell; Dean not believing it, then fighting it out of fear or realizing he's being saved and not wanting to be, and then finally acceptance and surrender -- the neediness at the end i meant more to be... idk. like. upsetting? it's Dean at his most fearful and his most repentant. everything's always disappearing on him, people and opportunities and he felt what it was like to have even the memory of Cas stolen from him, so that moment, when he's sobbing and on his knees and clawing at Cas to get closer, it's more a sad, animal reaction than what i imagine as Dean being needy. but also i get what you're describing and i love needy!Dean in fic lol
im not entirely sure i understand what your last question is, but if im understanding it; i am sure a post-canon AU argument could be made for Dean circumventing any romance w Cas bc he feels undeserving, that's v in-character tbh. Dean's self-hatred is integral to a lot of plot on spn lmao it would stand to reason that Dean could, in theory, work through the shock and fear of being attracted to Cas, feeling that intensely for his best friend, who is a supernatural AND guy-shaped, and he might even accept all those things and come to the conclusion that he reciprocates romantic love, and then self-sabotage bc he's self-punishing. That absolutely tracks
I'm so so so so so glad you enjoyed What Used to be Mine!!!! ; u ; it means so much to me when folks talk to me abt my fics like this, i love seeing meta and talking abt the details and what-if's!! i hope i answered all your questions :333 feel free to send more any time u wanna talk abt any of my fics!! this really brightened my day ; u ;
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Theres this song I’ve been listening to lately, called Wait by The Dear Hunter. I don’t have the context for the singer’s life or the album or whatever, so I’m speaking about it as a standalone song.
Heads up for religion talk (generalizations about christianity, as i dont have significant knowledge of any other) so feel free to skip on.
This song has really struck a chord in my soul, so to speak. I’m already quite comfortable with the subject of death, and the concept that as living beings we are destined to return to the earth through decay. I find it rather beautiful.
This song lingers on the fear of one’s own mortality, and ties it to religious fear.
The song starts with “I lost my faith when I was young” so it confuses me to see the interpretation that the singer is afraid they won’t go to heaven if it exists. If they were afraid of that, then wouldn’t they remain in the faith? That’s a pretty big scare tactic of christianity. If you don’t believe in god, you go to hell. Without staying in the faith, one already accepts they won’t go there.
There are also calls to religion that imply any faith that the singer practiced was empty.
“I stood in lines to bow my head, I’d fold my hands and speak in tongues”
This is clearly about prayer of some kind, and tongues can be about latin or any other old language, but christian prayer isn’t usually in latin. Its in the language the worshipper speaks. So tongues… to me, that means the words being said are nonsensical. That the prayers for help, advice, good fortune, or anything else— is meaningless and nonsensical. Especially with the following line.
“But I could tell no apparition heard a single word I said”
Whether it be the dead or a god, those prayers are not being heard. It could be willful ignorance, which means a god is purposefully choosing to abandon people. It could be the god physically cannot hear, or that a god simply doesn’t exist. In any case, prayer does nothing. It is an empty act.
So. Back to mortality. “I’ll know when I turn to dust” “but i fear the answer isn’t enough”
To me, this is about knowing one will die. The singer has accepted that. Everyone dies, and so will they. Thats just how it is. But after that…? There is no knowing. And if there is something after, instead of nothing, then theres the possibility that what waits beyond is worth the fear.
“I fear that there is a heaven above” “I hope that there is not a heaven above” says to me more that the singer is afraid of heaven. Or, more accurately, the concept of a heaven. Hell and eternal damnation is not being addressed here. Pain and punishment isn’t the fear.
Because a heaven implies the existence of a god. A being that is all-powerful, all-knowing, all-judging, all-loving. A being that is all-powerful is responsible for evil and suffering, or complicit in this suffering, or is in fact not all-powerful. If it is not aware of suffering, then it is not all-knowing. And if it is all-powerful, and is all-knowing, but allows suffering, then it is not all-loving. If people go to hell, then it is not all-loving.
A god that is all-powerful and sends people to hell is punishing its own creations for things they have zero control over.
It makes heaven completely arbitrary. It is a paradise that belongs to a god that condemns those that it controls, for being the way it created them.
“So will I never know heaven or hell, or is eternity something worse?”
There being nothing after the end is the preferable fate. Should the singer ever know heaven or hell, then eternity is to be feared. It proves an existential fear of something that rules reality and chooses to make people suffer.
And… its cathartic. To listen to this fear. To this song.
There are christians out there that talk about love and acceptance and how the stereotypical christian goes against the message of the faith or what have you— but it doesn’t address what makes me so uncomfortable with christianity. That a god exists. That this god has created a heaven and hell. And because those realms exist, if I don’t have the “correct” interpretation of reality, that I don’t do the “correct” way of living life, then I shall suffer forever.
That’s not love. That’s not a god worth worshipping.
So… yeah. I hope that there’s no heaven above.
Death is more comforting than heaven.
#tw religion#tw christianity#tw death talk#tw mortality#existentialism#religion#atheism#personal talk
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