#Cas... I've never drawn cas but I feel like he would be hard to get down. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thegoodthebadandtheart · 6 months

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tagged by @nigeltde-fic to art-ify these questions for writers and i would never deny her:

How many works do you have?

if i estimated correctly, i have over 350 posts with at least one drawing each on this tumblr account. which gave me a heart attack tbh, that's so many haha. there's some more my art floating around the internet elsewhere like on the terrebus account.

What fandoms do you draw for?

the main one currently is supernatural, before that it was the terror and before that it was football (the soccer kind) rpf. but i still do all of 'em! there are some others i play with like sherlock holmes, fdtd or mtw.

What are your top 5 drawings by notes?

using a random internet tool to rank posts:

dean/cas phallic angel blade (2492 notes)

sam/dean rebar kiss (1569 notes)

possum!dean (1510 notes)

blanky & tuunbaq dinner date (1492 notes)

dean with tattoos (1475 notes)

conclusion: big destiel still rules tumblr

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i usually do when it feels like something directed at me, like asks/dms or replies on twitter and tumblr. not so much when it's tags on tumblr or qrts on twitter - those feel more like the other person is talking into the void and not to me directly lol

What is a piece of art you drew with the angstiest ending?

hard to define 'ending' in the context of art - it supposes a sort of narrative structure not every of my drawings has. maybe this one. because, in the words of the rolling stones, you can't always get what you want.

What's the piece of art you drew with the happiest ending?

i guess this defines happy ending but i also had to think of this one, just because i can hallucinate the story that it took for them to get to that cocktail sippin' ending.

Do you get hate on art?

yes, sometimes lol i've had people fighting wars in my twitter replies when i posted cas/jack art. wah wah wah he's his dad. wah wah wah they're brothers. wah wah wah kill yourself. ridiculous and irrelevant. i do still think fondly of some replies i get though, like the one that was in russian and said 'such a talent and only for the sake of lust... sad.'

Do you draw smut?

yeah, but it's one of the things i want to get better at.

Do you draw crossovers? What's the craziest one you've draw?

not really. i want to draw an spn/fdtd crossover but that's not super crazy

Have you ever had art stolen?

reposted without credit, if that counts.

Have you ever collaborated on art before?

yes, having one person do the lineart and one do the colouring. it's a fun exercise to make you consciously realise your own art processes

What's your all-time favorite ship?

wincest is up there, of course. holmes/watson is simply a staple. humboldt/bonpland because mtw shaped me in my adolescence. i don't like to define THEEE favourite though because there's different ships for different flavours and that's great.

What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

does it count as a wip if i haven't even started creating it lmao! if yes - a longer story s4 sam/dean dean/cas piece set to dessa's 551. if that sounds insane, it's because it is.

What are your drawing strengths?

i think depicting connection between two characters and portraying a sense of want/love/doubt even through a distance between them.

What are your drawing weaknesses?

stiff poses and inability to draw without reference. also backgrounds and feet :(

First fandom you drew for?

football rpf. the reason i started drawing regularly at all haha

Favorite art you've drawn?

probably this one. it just... worked out, from idea to product, and it feels smooth and it makes me happy :)

thank u for tagging me, nige!!

#txt #meme

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itsjustmyfantasyroom · 4 years

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My heart

A surprise in this one, although the header picture gives it away! Its a long one

Warnings: SVU crimes, hostage situation, hurt detectives, medical stuff, nightmares and shock.

Enjoy x

"Come on now, you need to put the gun down. If you shoot me you'll get life. Let us go, my partner needs help he is bleeding out. Come on -you don't want it to end like this"

*BANG*

The day started just like any other, you and Rafael taking far too long to get out of bed because he wouldn't stop putting his hand up your pj shirt.

"Come to me at lunch" he was kissing you up your neck and had his hand up your shirt running his pointer finger along the base of your breasts,

"I'll see what I can do Rafi, but right now we are going to be late"

Showering and dressing for work. You walked into the bullpen to find everyone already at their desks,

"Morning Sonny"

"Morning Y/N"

"Hey Fin, Hey Amanda"

"Morning"

Liv came rushing out of her office,

"We have a situation. Get your vests I'll fill you in, in the car"

A young women game creator had been kid napped and was being held hostage. She had been sexually and physically assaulted all being live streamed. You all made your way over to an old ware house where TARU traced the live streaming. The building was surrounded. Fin and Amanda found her tided up on a lower level while you and Sonny headed up to the roof with your weapons drawn. A helicopter hovering over spotted the 2 preps on the roof both armed.

Rafael was in his office, he couldn't concentrate on work. He couldn't get you out of his mind. He had always thought in his past relationships he was happy till he wasn't. But he was wrong none of them were happy. But with you he was so happy, he didn't need to kid himself. Everything you guys had was everything he had ever wanted. He wanted nothing more than to get you into his office that lunch time and show you how much he loved you. He picked up his phone and opened it to message you:

10.40 am- Rafael: Have lunch with me Hermosa, I need to see you xx

Just as he put down his phone Carmen came rushing in not even knocking,

"Mr Barba" she ran over to the TV and turned it on.

"We are crossing over live to the scene unfolding right now. We have been informed that two armed men are holding two SVU Detectives at gun point"

It then crossed over to a picture of the roof top, Sonny and You both on your knees with your arms up in the air with two men standing in front you both, pointing their weapons at you and them wearing your bullet proof vests. All colour drained from his face. Without a word he jumped up grabbing his jacket and phone and ran out not saying a word to Carmen who was holding back tears herself.

Sonny was laying on the floor, blood rushing out of his forehead. The main perp had pistol whipped him so hard that it knocked him out when he was trying to talk them both down when they took your vests and guns. EMT rushed in as soon as Fin gave the all clear after he shot one prep in the leg and the other surrender. Amanda rushed over to you and picked you up off the ground pulling you into her arms.

"Aman- I ca-" you tried to get your breath but you just couldn't, you grabbed onto her arm so tight she thought you would leave bruises. You felt like you were drowning.

"I need help over here NOW" Amanda screamed

Sonny was on the stretcher and his head bleed under control but still unconscious. Another EMT unit came rushing in with oxygen, and slung the mask onto your face. They sat you down on the stretcher in case you passed out.

"Is she going to be ok?" Amanda was nervous, she was sitting beside you trying to keep you sitting up while the EMT looked over you.

"Yeah she is in shock, her blood pressure and oxygen are dropping" one of the EMT's answered back.

You were light headed from the lack of oxygen, you lent your head on Amamda's shoulder, grabbed her hand and closed your eyes.

"I'm going to lay her down, she needs fluids" another EMT informed Amanda.

----

"Liv, why didn't you call me" Rafael ran up to her.

"Rafa, I'm sorry, I just, I didn't think. Everything happened so fast"

Just then Sonny was rushed down into the back of the ambulance. Not even asking for permission, Rafael ran towards the building,

"BARBA STOP"

He didn't listen he just kept going making his way up to the roof, he wasn’t sure what he was going to be walking into, but that didn't stop him. As he got to the roof top he didn't even stop to take a breath. He came rushing through the doors to see you grabbing onto Amanda's hand while the EMT's were putting a drip in. Amanda noticed him out if the corner of her eye and turned to face him.

"Barba, what are you doing up here? It's a crime sence you need go"

"I'm not leaving Rollins" and he rushed over

"What happened? Is she ok?"

"She is in shock"

Amanda let go of your hand and Rafael moved into her place grabbing your hand and running his other in your hair.

"Rafi" you smiled up at him

"We have stabilised her but she needs to be monitored, we will be taking her in"

"I'll ride with her" Amanda nodded at him

----

You opened your eyes and the light hit you,

"You’re awake" Rafael was standing over you, "I'll get a nurse"

"Your blood pressure is back to normal, and your oxygen levels have gone up. I would still like to keep you here for another couple of hours"

"Thanks you Doctor" Rafael answered back as the door walked out of the room.

"Rafi, where is Sonny?"

"He is been moved to a ward, they are keeping him over night. His concussion was bad, he needed a few stitches"

"But he is ok?" your eyes filled with tears.

"Yes mi Hermosa. He is fine" Rafael kissed your cheek as the door to your room opened again.

"Y/N" Liv, Amanda and Fin came walking in.

"You’re awake" Amanda lent down and hugged you, followed by Liv.

"Fin, I want to thank you. You saved my life" you grabbed his hand.

"No drama, just another day at the office" you all laughed.

"No Fin, seriously, thank you" Rafael held out his hand and shook Fin's.

"Take tomorrow off Y/N. It's been a hard day" Liv looked down at you with a half smile.

"No I'll be fine" you gave a small smile back.

"No Hermosa, Liv is right, take tomorrow off and go back next week"

4 hours later you were discharged. Rafael wanted to take you straight home but you wanted to see Sonny before you left.

You walked into his room and his eyes were closed. His forehead was swollen and bandaged up. Rafael stayed at the door and watched. You walked over to Sonny taking his hand into yours and held it. He opened his eyes and let his eyes adjust.

"Hey Y/N" he gave you his big smile.

"You OK Sonny?" a tear fell down your cheek.

"Better now I've seen you’re OK" he pulled you in and you hugged him back.

****

"Y/N, Y/N, its OK, it's just a dream, its OK sshh I'm here"

You were sobbing into Rafael's neck. You had a horrible nightmare.

"OH Rafi, it was horrible. Why would I be having nightmares? I didn't after Lewis"

"It was a different thing Hermosa. Just remembering the photo that was on the news makes me feel sick. But it's OK I'm here. I'll keep you safe"

****

Rafael had gone out to get some lunch, and you had just put some clothes away when your phone started to ring,

"Hey Nick, I miss you"

"Hey Y/N, I miss you too. How are you feeling?"

"I'm OK, the nightmares have started though"

*Knock Knock Knock*

"Hang on a second, I have to get the door" Nick stayed quite on the other end of the phone, you walked to the door and opened it

"OH MY GOD NICK" you squealed and jumped into his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck. He lifted you up off the floor and spun you around. Tears fell from your eyes. He put you down and put his hands on your shoulders.

"What are you doing here?"

"Barba called me and told me you needed your best friend. I got on the first flight"

He pulled you in and kissed you on top of the head.

"How long are you here for?"

"Just the weekend. Barba told me you go back to work on Monday, so I fly out Sunday night"

"I've missed you so much Nick"

"I've missed you too. Zara wasn't happy that I came without her, but Maria took her to her parents this weekend"

"Oh I miss my girl"

"She misses her Tia too. So are you going to keep me in the hall or let me come in?" He laughed, you grabbed his hand and pulled him inside towards the kitchen.

"Barba's not back yet? Hope he gets my order right" Nick scoffed.

You turned on the jug, and spun and raised your eye brows at him.

"You two actually planned this together?"

"Hard to believe right" he laughed hard

"Where are you staying?"

"Here. Barba said you had an air mattress"

"Really? Wow"

Just then Rafael walked through the door and rounded the corner with two brown paper bags.

"Amaro, how was your flight?" Rafael gave Nick a half smile.

You rushed over to him and wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him deeply.

"Yuck" Nick spat out with a laugh and you pulled away with reddened cheeks, Rafael had a pleasantly stunned look on his face.

"Thanks you Rafi, for organising this. You knew just what my heart needed" he winked back at you.

The weekend went by fast. Rafael asked for the same days off so he could be there for you. Nick wanted to go and see Sonny. You guys managed to catch him just before he was sent home.

"Jeez Y/N, I get one knock to the head and you bring your old partner back" you giggled at Sonny and wrapped your arm around his middle.

"Never Sonny, I don't want him back, your a better cook" you stuck you tongue out at Nick, him laughing back at you.

You guys had a video call with Zara and she made Rafael promise to bring you for a visit. One night over dinner you spoke to Rafael and Nick honestly about how you were feeling after having another horrible nightmare the night before. You ended up in tears with Nick squeezing your hand tight and then Rafael pulling you into him and kissing you all over your face kissing away the tears.

Next thing the weekend was over and Nick had left. It was a tearful good bye from both of you,

"You call me if you need me, any time" he kissed your forehead, tears running down his cheeks.

"I always need you Nick. Thank you for being here for me" you hugged him tight leaving tears on his shirt.

----

You were in the study letting the air mattress down and tidying up. Rafael was standing at the door watching you. You had got frustrated because of how slow the air was coming out, so you laid on it, which made him burst laughing.

"Rafi, how long had you been standing there?" You frown up at him.

"Long enough" he smirked at you.

Once the mattress was down, he pulled you up to standing and placed his hands on your cheeks.

"Do you think you’re ready to go back to work?"

"I think so" you paused "nothing happened to me. I wasn't hurt"

"Physically" he ran his thumb over one side of your cheek

"Talking to you and Nick last night helped a lot Rafi, I didn't have a nightmare last night" he huffed at you.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive Rafi....I want to thank you for everything you have done for me over the last couple of days. Organising Nick to come, I know it must have been hard for you to find out what happened on the news. But you have done nothing but take care of me. I love you, thank you so much"

"Your my whole heart Hermosa, I love you more than anything, I would do anything for you"

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illfoandillfie · 4 years

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happy anniversary love! I've always loved "wrapped up in a bow" and it's christmas sequel (can't remember the name sorry), anyways can i get an hc on what,,, activities those two had during valentines

okay ngl I had a vague idea about doing a valentines sequel (partially inspired by seeing him play live oops) but didn’t really have it in me to write a whole fic about it so i definitely have some Thots about this:

(under a cut for length and smut)

Roger is the one to suggest tying you up this time. It seemingly comes out of nowhere while you’re just talking.

You joked about how finding you in nothing but the bow was becoming a holiday tradition between you but he shook his head and said he had something a bit different in mind.

But bondage is fun and you trust him to take care of you (in every sense of the word) so you quickly agree and ask him what he had in mind.

“How do you feel about spanking?”

“Very good,”

“What about spanking with not just my hand?”

“Still very good as long as we don’t use a crop. That sounds like too much,”

“Would a belt be okay? Or a paddle?”

“I think I could be okay with both.”

“Okay. In that case, what if I tied your arms to the roof and spanked you a lot?”

“To the roof?”

He reminds you that the house has exposed ceiling trusses in a lot of it’s rooms and it wouldn’t be too hard to tie you to one.

You’re excited and agree to it.

There’s the usual talk of safewords while you strip and he get’s you set up, always taking care not to put too much strain on your wrists even though they’re cuffed together, the rope tied to the chain and then looped over one of the wood beams in one of the living rooms.

He’s still fully clothed which he knows makes you feel more exposed and turned on.

You’re tied in such a way that you can’t really stand with your feet flat on the floor, instead balancing on the balls of your feet which is fine until the first spank lands unexpectedly and you jolt off balanced

“Fuck,”

Roger just laughs, walks around you like he’s trying to find the best angle to hit you from, and waits until you’ve righted yourself before he does it again.

You’re a little more prepared the second time but the third comes faster than you’d anticipated and the fouth much much slower.

You moan on the fifth and Roger laughs again, teasing you about getting off on being treated like that as he gently rubs your bum to ease the pain a little.

“I think I might need to step it up a notch, make you earn your orgasms properly.”

He walks away and you try to turn to see where he went but you just end up stumbling and trying to right yourself again, hoping he didn’t noticed

He definitely did.

The next hit comes from a leather paddle, smoother than Roger’s hand, stinging a bit more though.

Roger delights in showing you how different they feel, hitting one cheek with the paddle and one with his hand before taking to you with just the paddle

slow slow FAST slow FAST FAST FAST FAST slow

you never sure when the next hit will come, just that it hurts when it does.

By now you’re crying. You held off as long as your could, blinking back tears when his palm came down on you particularly hard, but now, under the sting of the paddle you can’t stop them.

Roger pauses to check if you’re okay, saying you’re safeword and asking if you want to use it.

You say no, sure it hurts but it also feels really fucking good and you know he’ll make it worth it in the end.

“Okay, if you’re sure. You do look very pretty like this, mascara all over your face. Makes you look like a whore. So I’m going to give you a small break.”

The next hit is his hand on your breast followed by the paddle against your cunt, making you squeal and fall off balance again.

But he’s quick to sooth the slap, fingers spreading your wetness over your clit as he pulls another moan from you. You whine when he stops to spank you again.

“Aww, did you want me to keep playing with your drippy little pussy?”

“Ple-ase,”

“You want me to fill your cunt? stuff you full while I keep spanking you?”

“Y-es, yes, god, please Daddy,”

He slid two fingers into you, pumping them slowly in and out, adjusting his angle until you felt him caress your wall and you moan loudly.

“I’ve got a game for you to play,” he leaned into your ear to talk and you couldn’t help but shiver at his voice, “I’m going to put this,” he held up the paddle, “right here,” he pushed the handle into your cunt, fucking you with it briefly, “And you’re going to try not to drop it. Clear?”

“yes Daddy,”

“Good girl,”

He have you a moment to adjust before he brought the belt down on you.

You heard it before you felt it, half a second warning as it swung through the end and the leather collided with your already stinging arse.

Roger stepped close, rubbing the spot he just hit, “How was that?”

“I ca- I can take more,”

“Okay,” He pushed the handle of the paddle deeper into you, reminding you to keep a hold of it, and then he was stepping back again and taking aim with the belt.

It stung even more than the first time, making you howl, but you held onto the paddle.

Another pause, another bite from the belt, he noise of it moving through the air you’re only real warning that it’s coming.

“Aww, kitten, you dropped it.”

“I’m so-r-ry,” it’s more sob than sentence

“Hey, that’s okay, kitten,” Roger comes round to your front and cups your cheek, wiping away some of the tears with his thumb, “You’re doing so well, you held it for so long. I’m going to give you one more okay?”

You shake your head.

“No? You don’t want any more?”

“Not one. Three, Daddy. Give me three more. With the metal.”

“I’m not giving you three with the metal. This isn’t a punishment. I still want to fuck you afterwards and if I push you too far neither of us will be in the mood anymore.

“Okay, but I could take it.”

“I know you could but I don’t want you to. So, one with the metal.”

You nodded and took a deep, steadying breath. First the whistle, then the impact, then the sting. Except the impact felt different to before. The leather had left you with a duller pain the the sharp bite of the cool metal. You rocked forward on your toes with the force of it but righted yourself quickly, a couple extra sobs escaping you.

Roger dropped the belt where he stood and came back round to face you, his fingers of one hand dropping to rub your clit as he brought his other hand down on your arse twice more.

Your moan stuttered over sharply drawn breath with each spank but he kept going until you came from the stimulation.

“Good girl. Now, are you okay?”

“Yes Daddy, a bit sore but I’m still really horny.”

“Does that mean you’re ready for Daddy’s cock, Kitten?”

“Please,”

“Okay, hold your horses while I untie you.” As quickly as he could he loosened the knots in the rope, untying you from the ceiling though your wrists were still cuffed together.

Once you were free he pulled you over to the couch, pushing you down onto it.

He didn’t bother undressing, just pushed his pants down enough to pull his cock out, hard after seeing you a bound mess.

You whined when he slid into you from behind, grabbing your hips to pull you back into him.

Every thrust was slow and deep and had you panting in seconds.

Until he shifted his hands, grabbed your arse instead, fingers digging into the bruises and welts already forming.

You whimpered but you could feel your orgasm approaching, your whines turning to uncontrollable begging for Roger not to stop.

“You go-nna be a good slut and c-cum on my cock? Fuck, so wet. Nothing but a - a filthy whore, ge-tting off on being sp-anked like that.”

You came with a cry as he hit you a final time, the noise of the hit ringing through the room but then he was following you over the edge, pushing himself deep and staying here until he was done.

Once you were uncuffed and he was sure you felt okay he got you some cold packs and cream and took it upon himself to rub the cream over your bum, apologising every time you winced.

And then he asked you to stand long enough for him to lay on the couch so you could lay on top, your head on his chest, the cold packs balanced on your arse, still praising you for taking it all so well.

#my writing #my hc #roger taylor smut #roger taylor x reader #smut hc #woof #i amn a mess tbh #but also its nearly 1am so idk how much sense this makes #i hope it's okay #gonna answer a couple of the smaller things now #and then get back to these tomorrow #brigid's first birthday #Anonymous

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spnsmile · 4 years

Text

"I believe in her."

Cas couldn't take his eyes away from Dean. Even when Sam left, all he could do is stare and when Dean notices, he returns it with intent.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"You don't really believe her, right? Billie?"

"Why the sudden change of mind?" Dean takes a sip of his beer. Castiel looks at him thoughtfully.

"Sam's just... Asking the right question, I mean. What's her end game? What happens if Jack succeeds? What's next...?"

"Ain't it paradise?"

Castiel pauses. He didn't think Dean would remember so continues frowning and watched Dean straighten himself as much as his bowlegs would allow.

"Well, no choice but go with the greater of the two evils, Cas. And right now the guy who's planning the old comedy "wipe out the world" takes the cake."

"Dean, she's Death. As far as I'm concerned if any entity out there wants you dead for good, it's her. You're not worried she could use this opportunity to get you? Like killing two birds with blunt force of one stone... in one very violent throw... Don't laugh, she of all people wants you dead."

Cas swallows hard, the idea cementing in his brain now he's vocal about it.

And Dean just chuckles?

"She could. But if she's using us to get rid of Chuck, then that means wanting me dead also takes the back burner. For now we see eye to eye. Chuck has to go first dibs. If she needs to use us then we gotta hold hands, run up to the sunset and see where she takes us."

"That is highly optimistic view, even for you, Dean. Considering she's been trying to get you killed

"She's death, it's her obsession, Cas. Talking about death." the hunter smirks, making the angel bristle.

"This isn't funny, Dean."

"I know, Cas. You know I get it, okay. But whatever she's got drawn up her blue print, doesn't change the fact that she still gotta line up the queue." Dean shrugs and it's not nonchalance that Castiel sees in his eyes.

It's absolute faith for this cause. One where Dean will be fighting with him until the last battle.

Until his last breath. After that, what?

Castiel closes his eyes.

"I'm saying I don't want you to die." he finally says, all raw emotions out. He feels Dean look his way, know the startled expression is in there without needing to look and hates it.

Why Dean always need to be surprise when someone tells him they don't want him dead never ceases to anger him.

Like Dean believes everyone wants him dead. Then again, considering things he's been through...

"Hey, Cas?"

Castiel engages the man with a look.

And like its not enough that they've been throwing furtive looks at each other in the presence of Sam, the man has the gall to stand and seat in that distracting position where he can fully see the man's lips and thick bowlegs presenting just within his reach while smiling like he know what he's doing.

The way Dean can look so full of affection with green eyes that just flickers expressively towards his direction with long lashes dusting his freckled cheeks. The way he opens his emotions to Castiels without restraint, letting him glimpse the soul so bright in its form he once rebuilt

I want closer

But he stays where he is, even when Dean openly invites him silently to come closer, his eyes expectant and soft and full of love.

Cas remains where he is perched.

Control. He gives it seven seconds count to take over the reel of feelings pulling him to Dean. The same way when Dean's eyes were grateful and bursting and happy, almost singing praises when they reconciled after his solemn prayer. Dean is gazing at him with the same adoration same loving affection overflowing and so full of hope.

So full of love. Something Castiel knows he cannot accept so he ducks his eyes. He knows exactly why the pull is strong this time. It's Dean. Dean's longing.

Dean's prayers.

So loud and intense. It wants him.

It's madness how the tables have turned. Unlike before where the boat is tipping on his side, this time, Dean's the one putting the weight. Dean's the one screaming in silence of his love.

But he can't. Not yet.

He has a mission here otherwise... He thinks of Jack and the mission.

Focus...

But it's too late when he looked up, he only sees Dean smile sadly and nod, before finishing the last whiskey on his glass, the sparks in his eyes dimming.

Dean wipes his chin with the back of his hand, his lips making smacking sound too loud to ignore.

"See you later, Cas." he says quietly, monotone and Castielf, angel that he is feels the swift slap of coldness on his skin. The worst was when Dean turns to go without meeting Castiel's eyes even when the angel has pushed himself off his wall and was waiting, but Dean goes- moves away.

Dean is leaving him and thwe sharp jab on the organ functioning as his heart makes Castiel call Dean back.

"Wait." He finds his hand curling on Dean's elbow, pulling him back.

"Dean." he hesitates, unable to pluck up the courage to say in fear that he might say too much. But ever as it happens, it's Dean who easrs him out of his misery with a simple flicker on his eyes and careful smile.om his lips. Castiel relaxes. Dean is still looking deeply in his eyes. "I want some."

"Want something from me?" Dean licks his lips, then raises both eyebrows when Cas eyes empty glass he's holding. "Oh." and Dean laughs in embarassment for some reason, the flush color on his cheeks gives Cas a wonderful view of his tanning freckles.

"Wanna drink with me?"

"Yeah, so bad, I'm thirsty for you."

Dean is in love with him and the hunter isn't even trying to hide it anymore. These are the thoughts that played across Castiel's mind as he sit with Dean in the library, listening to Deam praise him, Dean giving him all his attention and Dean being just too endearing.

Tried as he might not to fall for it like when Dean was praying to him in Purgatory, Castiel can't help gazing back with the same contentment and joy. Overflowing happiness of just sitting here, talking and talking like they haven't spoken to each other in years.

And the best part?

Dean's smiling unbiddenly with eyes just taking in Castiel. He sees the way Dean catches him smile, the way Dean's cheeks blushes. Castiel was glad there was a table between them or he was afraid what his instincts might do on impulse with Dean being like that.

He wants to kiss him. Instead, grabs his glasses without really drinking. He just listens to Dean's voice. Listen to Dean talk to him and it reminds suddenly of his fear of losing everything.

He realizes there's too little time to be with Dean so he memorizes everything. He memorizes a lot, even the exact moment Dean throws that wonderful look and raises a glass in his direction.

Cas' heart leaps in the air and he too is smiling and loving Dean so much, the only pull back to his heart when they toasted is the fact he can't tell Dean.

He wouldn't think about it for now. He too has faith in his choice and that is Jack. He is choosing Jack. Jack who is the answer to Castiel's crumbling faith whenever he thinks of the number of ways he can lose Dean.

"Hey."

Castiel looks up. He didn't notice Dean already standing in front of him. The angel blinks.

"What?"

"I was just telling Jody good night. She just called, asking how everybody is... And i told her I'm a very good kid today. She told me I'm drunk." Dean pouts.

"You want me to detoxify you?" Castiel tilts his head inquiringly. Dean stares with heavy eyes.

"Yeah, may need to drive."

"Where are you going?" Castiel frowns, a hand already raised. Dean blinks then slowly levels his eyes on the angel sitting in the chair.

"Somewhere. I feel happy, you see... But sad too... So I already spent my happy here with you. Time to go crush the bad. So driving."

"Why are you sad?" he cups Dean's face in alarm, his little world on his hand. So he wasn't mistaken. Behind Dean's eyes...

"It's okay..." Dean smiles, "Everyone's a little sad inside."

"Why?" he insists.

A long pause. Dean blinks slowly.

"Can't be together, you and I... So i gotta... Uh... Have to deal the sad without you...if we can't be together..."

"But we're together here."

Dean shakes his head. "I'm choosing. So are you. In the end we're gonna... I'm gonna have to deal with myself alone. There's no you out there. I have to prepare."

"Dean, what the hell are you talking about?" he hears him but he cannot understand him. Dean kneels in front of him all of a sudden, both hands taking Castiel's hands and clasping them with his own. The look Dean gives him after that is pure and honest, like souls bursting of its true form.

"I'm saying I understand why you can't... We can't. I understand it's the world or us... And that's not even a choice. I'm saying I understand you're the only angel who can save the world. So i want you to do it without holding back. Without thinking about whether I live or die. I want you to do that, Cas."

Castiel gasps. He sees no doubt in Dean's eyes. Watches as Dean brings his hand to his lips gently.

"Me dying doesn't compare to the world, Cas. So dont worry about me or Billie or whatever hell. You got your hands full, I got mine. So... i gotta drive."

Castiel sighs, then kisses Dean on the forehead. Clarity returns in the green eyes that blinks at him in surprise. Then Castiel stands up, nearly knocking Dean on his feet.

"I'm going with you."

"No, Cas. This is not the point-"

"I don't understand the point alright. I don't." Castiel grabs Dean's collar, sharp eyes full of meaning. "Don't make me understand why after everything... why after everything I've done, I'm still not going to be allowed to stay with you. I won't understand. And if this universe insists that? They're going to have to make a different bargain because I want you at the end of the road, Dean. It's you I think about when I think of win. And when that happens, I'll tell you loud and clear. I'll tell you what you already know. What I can't tell you now. I will. And it's not goodbye. So hold on to me. I will always find you. Do you believe me?"

It takes one smile from Dean and their foreheads pressing together.

"I believe you, Cas." ✨

#aww that turned out sweeter #cas x dean coda #destiel ficlet #i believe in destiel #cas x dean #cas x dean fic #destiel cas x dean #castiel #dean winchester

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theexecutionerssong · 5 years

Note

Hello, darling! I wanted to say thank you for reblogging that Destiel fic "Ninety One Whiskey" yesterday because it made me read it and I absolutely love it! So I was just wondering if you have any other recommendations? This was my very first Destiel fanfiction, I've never read anything from SPN fandom before so I'm very unware of those tresures out there! :)

ahhhh you have no idea how happy that makes me! here are a few of my favorites that I’m copy pasting from my old fic rec page. Most are a few years old, I’ve got way more and some more recent ones too if you’d rather. They are all deancas centered. If they aren’t online anymore then let me know and I can send you the file as I’ve got over 3000 saved lmao also I LIVE AND BREATHE for angst, if I don’t cry my eyes out at some point then what’s the point sdfghjk you’ve been warned

‘Til the Last by miss_grey (American Civil War AU, my fav ever, probably)

When the war came, Dean Winchester was determined that he was not going to get involved. He had more important things to worry about than some rich man’s fight. He had work on the farm and he had taking care of his family. Nothing else was worth his worry. But in August in the Year of Our Lord 1863, when the soldiers came knocking, they weren’t asking. They dragged Dean away.

Dean and Cas have been best friends since they were kids. When Dean is drafted into the Confederate army, to what lengths will Castiel go to ensure that Dean makes it back home alive?

Exonerated by thecouchcarrot (thriller AU)

Years ago, Dean Winchester was the detective who put serial killer Castiel Goodwin behind bars. Last spring, Cas was proven innocent and his conviction overturned. Neither could’ve predicted the way their lives would intertwine…

Lost Souls by thelastknownwriter (thriller AU)

Homicide detective Dean Winchester is thrust into a past he has tried hard to forget when he finds himself leading a manhunt for an unlikely killer: his childhood best friend, Castiel.

Painted Angels by WinJennster (human AU, so much damn angst but damn it’s worth it)

Author Castiel Novak has finally hit the big time, with a book based on his failed college relationship with a brilliant painter. He’s put all his pain behind him, but at a book signing, he comes face to face with Dean Winchester for the first time in twelve years, and the reunion doesn’t go like Cas hoped. Dean’s a broken man, with a lot of scars and secrets, shoulders weighed down by his demons and self loathing.Cas sees a second chance with the man he’s never stopped loving, but Dean’s moved on, and is about to get married. Sam launches a “brilliant” plan to reunite his brother and his best friend, but Cas is worried it will all blow up in their faces, and he’ll go through the agony of losing Dean a second time.Out of the Deep by riseofthefallenone (merman AU)

Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep.It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep.Castiel should have listened better.

To Raise A King by riseofthefallenone (medieval/royalty AU)

This must be some kind of horrible joke at Castiel’s expense. Is he truly expected to protect a King? One who has been their enemy for as long as he can remember? He is much more suited to being a part of the army, or at the very least someone who helps to train the knights. That would be far more preferred than having to watch over the King. It means Castiel would get to keep fighting – and that’s the only way he knows to give meaning to his life.

Tramps Like Us by mkhunterz (human AU)

Dean Winchester’s life is falling apart. He’s lost his job, his apartment, and his brother, all in one day. He seems to break everything he touches. Frustrated and alone, he drives off into the night with no idea where he’s headed. But then he meets Castiel Novak, a quiet and reclusive man with a haunted past, and suddenly he finds himself with a very specific destination in mind.

Kiss You When It’s Dangerous by zoemathemata (thriller canon divergent AU)

When his partner Uriel, betrays him, Federal Agent Castiel Novak is saved from becoming a ritual sacrifice by brothers Dean and Sam Winchester. Discovering the world of the supernatural and learning about werewolves, wendigoes, vampires and things that go bump in the night also leads to learning more about Dean and the strange life he and his brother lead. The more he learns, the more Castiel finds himself drawn into Dean’s world and toward Dean himself.

Until Uriel wants to complete the ritual he started.

Pick It All Up by thepinupchemist (human AU)

Army veteran Castiel Novak is a wreck after his tour in Afghanistan, brought home to his brother’s apartment in Lawrence, Kansas with scars both mental and physical. He copes poorly, and during one night of bad decision making, meets somebody just as much of a disaster as he is – a prostitute named Dean Winchester. And suddenly, two damaged men might not be as irreparable as they believed.

The Bird That Feels The Light by ratgerastory (canon, no romance, Dean is a 5 year old but it’s the first I read almost 10 years ago and one of my favorites ever)

AU from 5.18 (or thereabouts). Castiel awakens in the middle of a smoking crater, stranded and very much human. According to the people who have discovered him, it’s six months to the day after Michael and Lucifer faced off on the field of battle outside of Detroit, and Castiel isn’t the only one to have returned. When, at his insistence, they take him to this other person, he finds a child –a little boy– and realizes that, contrary to all his expectations, he has been reunited with Dean Winchester. The world has changed in their absence, and not for the better. Sam is gone, whether dead or simply missing is uncertain. Castiel is given the name of a man in Idaho who may have answers for him. He is faced with the task of travelling cross-country with Dean, who is dependent on him now in ways he never was before, in order to discover the truth. But along the way, as he and Dean learn to know and trust each other once more, Castiel begins to realize that the answers he thought he wanted might not be the ones he needs.

the inexhaustible silence of houses by Askance (canon, I adored it but it left me in pieces, it took me weeks to get over it)

Almost two years after the world doesn’t end, Castiel falls from grace—and loses his voice in the process. It is the impetus for confession and change; before long, he is settling into a loving relationship with Dean, the Winchesters are tired, and hunting for a place to land has taken precedence to hunting anything else. Dean and Castiel fall in love with the strange little house on the end of Swallowtail Drive, and for a little while life is as it should be—sweet, affectionate, and beginning afresh. But more and more Castiel sees and hears things in the house that beg the question of whether or not a place itself can be alive. The walls and rooms seem to shift and grow and breathe, and one night, Dean comes home from a hunt changed in a way that Castiel cannot explain. In the months that follow, their domestic bliss takes turns for the dark and sour, and the confusion of their circumstances will ultimately test everything Castiel knows about the man he loves, and everything he believes to be true.

Last Man Standing by cerulea (canon, purgatory!verse)

Picking up exactly where we left off at the end of Season 7, Cas and Dean are stranded together in Purgatory struggling both to save their lives and their friendship amidst constant peril.

After The Fire by Themista (canon, end!verse)

Starting in 2013 and going through 2014 this is the story of Dean and Cas in their ill-fated quest to find the colt and shoot the devil - set in the endverse alternate reality seen in 5x04 The End. The apocalypse poses Dean and Cas many threats along the way, as they have to contend with the croats and Lucifer’s demons, led by Meg, all while trying to work out whether they can trust the infamously devious demon Crowley, with whom they already have a bloody history.

Twist and Shout by standbyme and gabriel (human 60-70s AU) (I don’t care how divisive and unpopular recommanding this one is, I was skeptical going in but it’s been years and I still have to skip Can’t Help Falling In Love and Twist and Shout when they come on shuffle in my playlists, that fic destroyed me))

What begins as a transforming love between Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak in the summer of 1965 quickly derails into something far more tumultuous when Dean is drafted in the Vietnam War. Though the two both voice their relationship is one where saying goodbye is never a real truth, their story becomes fraught with the tragedy of circumstance. In an era where homosexuality was especially vulnerable, Twist and Shout is the story of the love transcending time, returning over and over in its many forms, as faithful as the sea.

I also read ABO fics but I don’t know if you’re into that so I’m not including any in this list ^^ enjoy, let me know if you find something you like!

#gaelle parle #spn #fic rec #Anonymous

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xxkellsvixen19xx · 5 years

Text

Opposites Attract Colson Baker X Reader PT 2

Requested By: @ateliefloresdaprimavera

Word Count: 2,437

It didn't take long for Colson to post the news of your guys engagement to IG the love and support poured in from fans and friends alike.

@TommyLee: Congratulations you two I couldn't be happier for you!

@PeterDavidson: It's about damn time you two, I know you and @YN will be happy together!

@IwanRheon: Looks like the right woman came along to tame your wild ass buddy congrats!

@AshleighVev: See I told you you two were meant to be together ;)

It wasn't long before every paper and magazine across the country spread the news. TV and radio buzzed as well the news spread like wildfire. Casie was absolutely thrilled when you both broke the news to her, "Now I can call you mommy!" She hugged you so tight you almost couldn't breathe. "I think you would make a cute flower girl." You offered hugging her back, Casie squealed in excitement over the moon you had asked. "Well I think that is Cas's way of saying yes babe." Colson chuckled.

Y/N wanted to surprise Colson after some thought the perfect idea came to mind. You had never once gotten a tattoo but you wanted to find the perfect way to show Colson just how much you loved him. You got in contact with his tattoo artist friend Ceven and ended up getting two specific and very special tattoos. You got a double XX on your right hip and EST19XX on the back of your left shoulder. Y/N held off for as long as she could unable to wait any longer excited to show off the new body art to Colson. "God damn babygirl you look hot!" His world famous smirk appeared making you melt, safe to say that the idea of some tattoos on you actually turned him on. Though in the smallest of ways you both rubbed off on one another and according to the guys that was actually a good thing.

**********************************************

"Ummm alone at last." Colson murmured into your lips pulling away from a heated kiss. It had been a busy day between the recording studio and fielding phone calls and emails with Interscope Records.

You turned your attention to him then, twisting your body and inching closer until you were nearly in his lap. You hit him with a sultry stare as you reached forward and took hold of the back of his neck, pulling and catching him in a deep, bruising kiss.

He couldn't help by smile against her as their lips moved together in a hungry and building need. With one hand trapped between their pressed bodies, his other landed to your knee, thumb running aimless circle across your soft skin.

"So eager..." Colson muttered on an intake of breath.

"I've been waiting to do this all night," Y/N replied softly, smirking at him in the close quarters, before kissing him heavily once more.

Having spent the night barely keeping from throwing yourself at him, now that you both had a smidgen of privacy you were quick to take advantage. Watching him distantly while you both attended a public appearance had left you hungry and desperate in your yearning for him. A need that soon became an all-consuming delirium. You could think of nothing else but his lips and hands finally on you, the city lights and people all warping into white noise and static as your focus zeroed in on your one and only.

With a heavy sigh, your fingers gripped tightly into one of his jacket lapels now, pulling him harder against your body as the movements from the water bed beneath them shifted them closer.

"Why wait?" Colson asked, breaking their kiss again.

"To see if I could," Y/N answered swiftly, tilting to welcome his warm breath and lips on your face then neck.

Colson chuckled softly as his kisses trailed across your jawline and then down the column of your throat, "And?"

"It was...hard, Colson. So, hard." You sighed, nudging at him to return to your lips.

He hummed his approval as you began to encourage his hand on your knee to track up the inside of your thigh while you kissed.

It had been hard, really fucking hard, following your lead as he did that night, his hands twitching to reach out and smooth over the leagues of soft exposed skin, his body aching to pull you flush against him. Just watching you all night long was near agony, his mind all but consumed with how the sway of your hips would feel under his hands, as you moved about sensually.

//I got what you dream 'bout

Nails scratchin' my back tatt

Eyes closed while you scream out

And you keep me in with those hips

While my teeth sink in those lips

While your body's giving me life

And you suffocate in my kiss//

Groaning against you and with tongues coiling hungrily, he slowly leaned into the sinful movement, pushing you firmly into the mattress with his body. After skimming his fingertips across the smooth skin of your thigh he slipped under the hem of your dress with a heated momentum. He nearly reached his warm destination at the apex of your thighs before his low gasp broke your kiss.

"No panties, Y/N?" He whispered, so lowly that you almost didn't hear him. Almost. If anything you felt him, his deep, heavy tone rattling through to your bones.

You smirked at him lust filling your eyes "maybe" you replied in a coy manner.

"Humm." He moaned, still mildly buzzed and definitely love drunk, oblivious to anything other than the bombshell center of his whole fucking universe, currently under his heavy petting touch.

You opened your legs a little bit more, as much as your tight dress would allow without riding all the way up. Noticing your slight movement, he took full advantage of the freed constraints and brushed his fingers over your wet outer lips. You bit back a groan, lifting your hips to his touch while he torturously withheld from slipping into your core, teasing, barely touching; driving you fucking crazy.

He huffed out a thick laugh, "always fucking amazing how your body responds to my touch."

You panted softly, and while you tried to swallow your longing, god damn how he could drive you insane and absolutely enjoy every second of it while he's at it.

Colson let out a low whine, his forehead pressed to yours, hand still up under your skirt, still teasing, still ghosting his touch over every inch but where you craved him most.

"God what you do to me babygirl." He mumbled.

You reached over and with fingers hooking into his jean pocket, you shoved the lace fabric of the discarded panties into the rough pouch, then purposefully palmed over his bulge as you withdrew your hand. He groaned quietly again as his free hand came up to cup your cheek, fingers dipping into your sweat-damp hairline while he pulled you in hard and kissed you wildly.

That keeps telling you to listen to all the bad things I say//

Colson leaned back against the headboard with a smile, looping his arms around your waist and lifted you to him. With your arms hooked around his neck, you kissed heedlessly, eager groans and sensual sighs swallowed and encouraged. He held you so tightly against himself, gripping into your lower back and ass, leaving less than a breath of air between you, determined to feel every inch of your body while the soft canting of your hips met his own.

//You're my pretty little vixen

And I'm the voice inside your head

That keeps telling you to listen to all the bad things I say//

Moving gracefully Y/N dropped one hand down to Colson's waistline and smoothly palmed over him through his jeans, retching a low groan from his depths before you worked both his button and fly open. You couldn't help but moan and snake your body against him when you felt him hot and hard under your touch, elated in how you left him gasping from so little.

Colson pulled away from your lips to full on moan when you finally got your delicate hand into the confined fabric of his jeans and boxer briefs.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose along your jaw and up to your ear, "Y/N..." He growled, his voice half pleading and half warning. It turned him on, you were usually so demure and shy this was a different side of you and he was actually enjoying it.

You tilted your head up with a smile to look at him, "Yes, my love?"

His head tipped falling with a thud against the solid wood, eyes screwed shut as you wrapped your fingers around his solid length. Every word, every touch, every taste you gave him was like an oasis in the Sahara Desert, yet each drink left him thirsting for more. Next, your grasp on him tightened ever so slightly and he couldn't help but buck himself into your hand.

Somewhere in this lust filled haze he found his basic motor functions and moved his hands from your waist, tucking up under your cardigan to find the small dress zipper that ran the length of your spine. Fumbling fingers finally grasped the warm metal and slid the zippered teeth open before finding the warmth of your lower back.

His breathing was rapid already, heart pounding, his head; light and spinning. But he shook the dizziness, as best he could, and tried to right his brain enough in order to move again.

Colson found his hands working on their own accord, pulling your sweater off the caps of your shoulders, his lips drawn to and finding purchase on the soft heated skin below. You let out a sensual sigh that swirled around him like a pulling undertow. Your head fell back slack against his shoulder as he touched you greedily, his lips travelled up the long slope of your neck.

He seized this opportunity and his freed hands tracked back up your body. You pressed yourself back against him harder as he mapped the soft flow of your curves over silky designer fabric, and god, you could hardly breathe. Your knees had felt like jello since leaving the function, with how he held you, how he grabbed onto you like nothing else would ever satisfy his need, left you feeling near prurient and heaving.

//The way we love, is so unique

And when we touch, I'm shivering

And no one has to get it

Just you and me

'Cause we're just living

Between the sheets//

Colson cupped both your breasts from behind with a soft squeeze and you let out another spin tingling sigh as he palmed over you heartily. Covering and encouraging his hands with your own you moaned his name when his lips on your neck became far more ardent, his touch becoming even more fevered and tracking down lower. With a roll of his hips and a groan he played and pulled on the hem of your dress, inching higher and higher with each passing second.

You then quickly pushed his worn leather jacket off his shoulders and swiftly unbuttoned his white shirt sliding it from his torso, all while keeping hungry lips moving together.

You felt like the world was spinning off its axis now, for a whole new set of reasons other than the drink, as he claimed your mouth with a building and heavy intensity. Urgently, his hands pawed and slid over your curves and pulled you in close while your grip hooked around his neck, your fingers sinking habitually into his hair with a thirsty moan.

You didn't really have the sense to think of anything other than Colson, nor could a single sentence form to even speak, even if you tried.

With hooded eyes and a sly smile you stared on as Colson now knelt at your feet there on the bed, his expression focused, his intention abundantly and delightfully clear. You then watched as his nimble hands moved smoothly from your ankles, to run up the length of your legs and bunch your dress around your waist, with a helpful lift of your hips.

He smiled at you, a wicked lopsided grin full of promise and mischief as he gently urged your legs to part wider with a small nudge. You obliged him willingly with a soft moan, a sound that sobered him up in an imminent instant, and the moment he had enough space he buried his face in your slick valley and set to work.

Goosebumps and shivers ran across Y/N's skin at the contact and your head fell slack, "God...Colson."

He lapped up your slit, his own growls and moans sending sensation, heat and vibrations through you. He knowingly took his time swirling around your clit, feeling your grid to him, relishing in how you tugged him closer by thick fist fulls of his hair, listening to you moan loudly and completely without restraint. Your thighs around his head and fingers in his hair clenched as he suckled at your sensitive bundle of nerves before worrying at it relentlessly.

You felt like you was going to burst into flames, or go insane, or perish as every emotion and sensation crashed over you at once. The entire night had been a sneaky, creeping, heady form of foreplay and now you felt yourself toppling towards release extremely quickly. You barely held yourself together for long enough to warn Colson, though he didn't seem too surprised when you all but screamed his name and fell apart under his prowess.

Colson let his grip on your thighs go, that smug lopsided smirk returning to his glossy lips as he looked up at the panting mess above him. While you floated back down to earth you blindly pulled him up by the hair to meet your lips, kissing him so passionately and thoroughly that you could taste yourself over every inch of his tongue.

You settled heavy on his lap, his coarse denim against your oversensitive center ignited you all over again. So you shimmied back a bit and popped the buttons of his jeans once more, eager to strip the layers still left between you.

Colson watched on in spellbound amusement, his hands smoothing up the tops of your thighs to grab a thick hold of your hips under your skirt. You looked so overwrought already, skin flushed, hair wild, dress falling off your shoulders and spilling open to reveal the soft swell of your breasts in a creamy strapless bra.

"I need you now Colson," you finally replied.

#machine gun kelly x reader #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly #colson baker x reader #colson baker imagine #colson baker #fan fiction

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awed-frog · 6 years

Note

Hello! I've been noticing you're a little displeased or unsure about this SPN season so far, so I was just wondering if there's something you're really loving about this season or that you're hopeful for?

Hi! Sorry about that, I’m trying not to be annoying but I also want to talk about the show, and sometimes it’s hard to focus on what they’re doing right, so thank you for your question.

To be fair, what I used to love about Supernatural - well, that hasn’t changed. There are many things to like and adore about this show - I’m still deeply drawn to the core of it, the idea of these two brothers with a complicated past sharing and facing experiences no one should have to deal with, and to me, as a European, its US setting is both exotic and deeply melancholic, because despite the tidal changes of the last few years, it’s not often that we get to see this other America - the dying towns, the stretches of road where there’s only fields and wildnerness and the occasional Jesus billboard, the cops who’re not BAU or CIA or whatever other acronym but just - normal and honest people trying to do good by their communities - and, again, there are more and more exceptions to this rule, but to us, America is mostly still a synonym for New York and L.A. and rich people doing things and a land where everybody’s got a huge-ass house with a porch and a swimming pool and one of those terrifying kitchen destroyers with the blades, so that’s one of the first thing I loved about Supernatural - that it wasn’t like that at all. Plus, well - I’m not a big fan of horror stuff, but I’ve always liked the show’s approach to monsters, gods and everything in between, with their careful mix of gore, emotional angst and mirroring and the fact they never take themselves too seriously. And of course I love the characters still - even the people we meet only briefly, or once every few episodes (or seasons) are generally well-written and well cast, and it’s this, perhaps, more than anything else, that gives Supernatural a kind of AU world vibe - I don’t know about you, but unlike other shows, it often feels like you’re not watching a fictional story, but witnessing some kind of account about what’s going on in some other place. That’s the same excited happiness I get in reading novels like Philip Pullman’s or Neil Gaiman’s, and I really can’t give any higher praise than that.

And finally, I think they’ve done, and they’re still doing, an exceptional job in bringing Dean to life. He’s almost always believable, engaging, and lovable in a way that’s hard to get right - he’s by no means perfect, or 100% good, or uncomplicatedly heroic, and yet you root for him, every damn week, whatever he’s going through. And what’s fascinating, of course, it’s his character development - how it was all there, in the bloody pilot, how there were things about him even in the first season that could be overlooked or frowned at and forgotten and are now blooming and blossoming and changing him in a very convincing way - it’s a joy to watch.

So, you know - I think that’s why I’m pissed off and sometimes salty on tumblr - because they’ve got a near-masterpiece on their hands, and this whole queerbaiting stuff was unnecessary and it drove many people away and is preventing others to just sit down and watch the story, and that drives me mad, because I’m one of those people now, and I find it very hard to switch off that ‘they’re just fucking with you’ siren blaring inside my brain every time there’s a subtextual reference to bi!Dean or Destiel. Like, if we had any textual evidence for Destiel, Yockey’s episode would have been perfection. I love his writing, and I like how this season is going, on the whole, it’s just - I can’t trust them again. I remember how it felt coming back to Supernatural (I’d stopped watching after S5 because stuff happened IRL and I sort of forgot about it), to rediscover those characters and to spend entire nights binge-watching the show - laughing with them and crying with them and going through an incredibly emotional journey with my foot on the gas and a loud song in my ears - and to me, it had been perfectly clear that the subtext was there and was building up to something - S8, of course, was peak IT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW - and when it all died down, I spent about a week walking around like a ghost - in the end, I wrote my first ever meta because I felt isolated and confused and empty in a way that’s hard to explain to ‘normal people’ but will be familiar to anyone who takes fiction way too seriously (as it was meant to be taken, that is), and since then - in the beginning, I tried to ignore the subtext and just watch the show for everything else, but the more I discovered tumblr and started to read other people’s metas, the more I let myself think, ‘Okay, it hasn’t happened yet but it will - surely they wouldn’t just insert all this stuff for nothing’ - and now - now I’m just tired of it. Sure, we’ve got textual confirmation Dean’s been suicidal since Cas ‘died’ - so what? I could quote you a dozen moments I thought would change everything, and yet they never seemed to matter in the end - one episode, you’re basically waiting for The Kiss, and the next one, it’s like nothing happened at all - previous events are forgotten, the characters start anew.

Anyway - stuff I’m liking about this season include Dean’s journey, the idea of the AU!world, and Billie coming back and death changing her (even if I’m still not buying her ‘cosmic consequences’ speech). What I’d like to see next, in addition to some honesty, is a focus on Sam and a hard look at Jack, because I think that what they’ve done with him so far was very biased and therefore not that interesting. And also, well, I’m dying to see some familiar faces on the other side of the veil - I want to see how Bobby or Eileen or Jo would be different from their ‘canon’ selves. And it’d be great for Sam and Dean to really talk - to have just one honest, open, ‘I love you but’ or ‘I love you and’ conversation. Just one.

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awed-frog · 7 years

Note

Hi! I've just read your meta masterlist written for someone who wanted to convince their friends that deancas is real. First of all - thank you, what a treat to have it all in one place. The best Matrix red pill of them all. Second of all - "the entire S8, which was basically a demented Jane Eyre AU" - could you elaborate on that? I'm mighty interested.

Hi! Thanks for that - uhm - it’s missing a lot of stuff, though. I’m sure there are better masterposts out there, and I actually looked for them, but all I could find was fanfiction stuff.

As for the Jane Eyre thing - I should say I’m a fan of the Brontë sisters, so it wasn’t supposed to be an insult or anything, but it’s hard to deny that those kind of novels (particularly Wuthering Heights) are over the top and überdramatic and there’s almost an unhealthy focus on love and falling in love and what happens if you lose that and how your life can never be complete without that one person who means everything, and if that person is your foaming-at-the-mouth insane half-brother, so be it. And the thing is, Supernatural seasons often hinge around powerful and borderline soap-operish themes (the whole ‘almost orphans desperately looking for their father while killing things’ was very Dickens, in a way - if Dickens had been high on opium and cocaine and stuff, that is), but S8 really went above and beyond. I mean, even without the big love story for the fucking ages supporting the entire narrative arc, it was full of OMG and oh no! moments -

Sam is all alone in the world and may have found love but oh no! his brother’s back from the dead and super pissed and oh no! the woman he probably loves is actually not a widow and OMG what next?

Hunter Dean found himself a new best friend but oh no! he’s a vampire drawn to human blood but OMG he’s promised to abstain forever and fight his own instincts every day for eternity but oh no! what happens if he can’t?

There is a way to banish all demons from the Earth but oh no! it’s a magic spell that requires a human sacrifice and oh no! Sam actually wants to do that and is it guilt or depression or martyrdom or OMG is he simply that heroic??!?

- so much Gothic extravaganza, the list could go on and on. But, as I said, at the heart of it all are Dean and Cas, and what’s going on with them is so sappy and romantic even Charlotte Brontê would have edited some stuff out.

Like, I don’t even know where to start.

At the beginning of the season, Dean is precipitated in a world of darkness and monsters. He fights his way out for an entire year, and during that time he prays to Cas every night - Dean, who normally doesn’t pray at all. We know he’s tortured and desperate, because part of him believes Cas is dead (because Cas always comes when Dean calls, right?) and all of him knows it’s his own fault, because he forced Cas to fight even if Cas wasn’t in his right mind and Jesus, ALL the regrets and ALL the guilt. Then he finally finds Cas, who first refuses his manly and chaste affection and then pushes Dean to safety and chooses to die in that hellhole. This is so incredibly traumatic that Dean erases that entire memory as he makes his way into the real world (and, remember, we’re talking about Dean ‘I remember what was done to me in Hell’ Winchester here - I guess losing Cas was more painful than that?), which is just as lonely and brutal and hostile as the one he left behind (cue all the drama about Sam and Benny and Crowley killing everyone he can get his hands on). As he fights on, Dean starts to see Cas’ ghost everywhere, which is, like, standard behaviour for a Romantic hero or heroine but also legit what happens to you when your brain suffers such a heavy loss it can’t cope (if you’re not reading this alone at night, I recommend you check out this article about Japanese cab drivers picking up ghost passengers after the tsunami, and this BBC radio program explaining why it happens). This is obviously distressing for Dean, but then, as he’s fast approaching his breaking point, Cas actually shows up in person - he cannot explain how he found Dean, since Dean still has the anti-angel tattoo on his ribs, but wait - we know Cas can sense longing, right? so that’s why and if that isn’t the most tragic, romantic thing you’ve ever heard, get out. But there’s worse to come. Before that, though, we’re treated to a brief comedic interlude featuring the sappiest love trope ever - ‘all grown up’ - as Cas retires to the bathroom (and why) to clean up and reappears all handsome and clean-shaven, causing Dean an erection and much embarrassment.

(I still can’t believe that is a thing that actually happened, by the way.)

Next, of course, there’s the whole ‘Cas has been trained and programmed to kill Dean against his will and beats him up in a darkened crypt and nothing can happen now everyone is doomed doomed doomed but wait I NEED YOU and BAM, suddenly the mind control is gone and even someone with the whole of Heaven’s power behind her can’t come between Cas and Dean and Cas will never hurt Dean and what the fuck is even happening?’ episode, which, again, how was that an actual thing? Sometimes I think we were all high during that season and we had a collective hallucination or something. And next there is all the ‘You didn’t trust me? You didn’t trust me, I almost died to get you out, I would have died, I did not leave you’ drama as Dean finally remembers what happened (he doesn’t, by the way: Cas heals his brain, and those memories come back), and meanwhile in the background there’s more over the top and dramatic stuff going down - Sam being weird and volunteering to die and Benny also volunteering to die and Dean can’t save anyone and can’t do anything and now BAM, turns out Cas is also dying, or leaving forever, anyway, and there was so much unsaid stuff between them I remember fainting and melting into my couch during various episodes and thank God for smelling salts. And after all this torture and torment and ALL the love and ALL the pain, the very last episode was the worst of the worst - Dean must basically say goodbye to the only people he cares about and would do anything to spare, because both of them are dying, and it’s a sort of Sophie’s choice too because Cas is gone and Dean doesn’t have time to focus on that because SAMMY and at the end we’re left with him half supporting his brother’s weight as they look up at a sky full of falling angels (and is Cas one of them or did they kill him already and aaaaargh).

So, look - I’m even leaving out stuff, and it’s still almost unbearably sugary and tragic - it’s not like they haven’t had other weird moments between them, but this season alone is more romantic than, say, the entirety of Jane the Virgin, who’s supposed to be about romance, or even Grey’s fucking Anatomy, where, sure, you get those random episodes where a train explodes and people are stuck all over the city and you can’t save all of them and surprise! you’re probably dying yourself BUT you also get some time to breathe in between and episodes where almost no one’s fighting and people are having sex and how come they never sleep, seriously? And what I just can’t believe is that we’re the only ones to have both sides here - Dean still doesn’t know about the thousand Deans Cas was forced to kill, or about those convoluted reasons Metatron had for cutting out Cas’ Grace, specifically, and Cas doesn’t understand how close Dean came to tell him those three stupid words which would have solved and changed everything, and he doesn’t get why Dean was hurt by his choice to remain in Purgatory, and how much, and he must ignore or disregard, by now, those random spikes in Dean’s arousals, because he assumes that’s what humans do or whatever and he probably never realized he should have hugged Dean back that time on the river bank, and what it meant to Dean that he didn’t. See? Tragedy and misunderstanding and Dean being an actual Gothic heroine and Cas being all Rochester-y about things (early Rochester, I mean, the one who was determined to be a martyr and could not believe someone as smart as Jane would ever find his old ass interesting in any way).

I know we always say it, but that’s honestly how I feel all the time - I don’t know what the hell they’re thinking here, because you cannot write a story like this, you cannot insert all these tropes and bend and twist and narrative so stuff will only work with the foundation of a Great Love, and not see it. You physically cannot, especially if you’re a trained screenwriter and this is literally your job. So they do see it, and what? I don’t mind the UST and the pain and the slow-burn (much), but I still wish they would make it clear that this is indeed where they’re going, because they can’t keep writing this shit and pretending they aren’t. It’s - if someone had written S8 as a Destiel - canon divergent after S7 fic on AO3, I’m not sure I would have read it. So gay that it’s almost OOC, I would have thought, and there’s not even the comfort of some smut - it’s all angst, all the way, and come on - even this show is not that gay.

Except it is, isn’t it?

Lucky us.

#ask #spn meta #destiel #deancas #spn season 8 #love tropes #love tropes everywhere #seriously #wtf

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