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qqtxt · 1 year

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[🌸] jealousy, jealousy w/ txt

✿ pairing: ot5 x reader / idol!txt / non.idol!you / reader is friends with a couple of the stray kids’ members for each member’s part (don’t ask, i’m about to be a stay and it’s not okay) / curse words, cursing at each other as friendly banters / mentions of food and eating ✿ mini-fics with each member for the same situation / less than 700 words for each member / altogether, word count: 3,071 words (i couldn’t help myself on this one, it simply wrote itself i swear) ✿ when they’re jealous but try not to show it... (yet fail miserably because you can tell) [masterlist 🌸] / other members under the cut! / @kflixnet ✨

[🐰] soobin soobin swears he didn’t mean to intrude with your chat thread. it’s just that he heard you giggling and he wanted to know what was so interesting because if it’s a cute cat or dog video, he’d most definitely want to see (also he gets drawn to the sound of your voice very often). he notices it seems to be messages from... hm... that name looks familiar... regardless, he feels this small twitch in his chest, even if it doesn’t sound logical to feel this way.

he didn’t realise he was still staring at your direction until you peek up from your phone and turn the cheek, sitting up to align your faces together as you two sat on the sofa side by side. “yes, handsome?”

his mouth opens, and closes when he doesn’t know what to say. what does he say? i think i might be jealous over something or someone i don’t even know the context of? he swallows and tries to muster up a reply, only to widen his eyes when you seem to click in your mind that–”ah, why i was laughing? here, seungmin texted this meme of jyp,” you snicker, showing him the message.

his lips are pursued, gaped with a small ‘o’ as he nods in response, smiling a little after that when he sees how funny you think it is. then his lips press into a thin line as he looks back down on his phone, seeing his wallpaper of your smile mirroring his as beomgyu helped take a photo of the pair of you on a swing; grinning at each other like the sun and moon colliding and soobin can’t help but wonder if he makes–”you’re thinking too much, bin-ah,”

“i didn’t even say anything.”

“you can say quite a lot with that face of yours.”

“...what am i saying, then?”

you use your eyes to point at his wallpaper, well-aware that it’s yours as well. it’s a favourite picture you two have (cue to him asking you which photo of the two of you was your favourite and sparking a two-hour debate, ending only when you can find a photo to agree on to set as your wallpapers). it’s all because soobin was telling you something out of seriousness but it was too funny to be serious, which is why you two were smiling that widely in the photo beomgyu managed to capture; because soobin automatically smiles when you smile.

"nobody makes me smile the way you do.”

“augh, how cheesy.” is the first thing that comes out of soobin’s mouth, out of habit, he can’t stop himself. but soon, that cheesy goodness spreads in his body and it makes him feel warm inside that he can’t hide the smile threatening to show on his face. that makes you smile on cue and remember, it’s a domino effect so now soobin’s a blushing, smiling mess with you mirroring him with a smile just as wide.

tl;dr: poor boy tries to pretend he isn’t jealous and is nonchalant about it, even if in his mind he’s having multiple layers of debate if he should say something, if it’s okay to ask, if it’s appropriate to show he’s possibly jealous. but it all shows on his face based on how he reacts because he can’t control it. would appreciate if you brought it up but honestly, he brings it up without saying anything because it’s all over his face, which you appreciate, too. just an assurance or two would make him all smiles again, to remind him that there really is no one else that makes you feel the way he does.

[🦊] yeonjun yeonjun didn’t mean to eavesdrop (because let’s be real, he’d just blatantly ask you to put on loudspeaker if he wanted to, that’s the kind of trust you two had) but he was headed to the bathroom, only to stand by the doorway of the kitchen when he hears you’re on the phone with–”lix, i’ll beat your ass in mario kart. don’t even pretend like your hand coordinations work with a controller just because you can dance.”

he crosses his arms and leans his head next to the wall, squinting his eyes so hard that maybe–oh, right, he’s not exactly invisible–he straightens his back when he’s captured your attention, fixing that look on his face to a sheepish grin and waves a little... even when he knows he’s not fooling anyone, especially not you.

“ah, i’ll text you when we’re leaving. see you, ass face.”

“where are you going?” yeonjun tries to make sure he doesn’t sound upset, but it’s safe to say he’s not managing well when you chuckle at him like that. “why do i get the feeling that you may be a little jealous?”

he huffs and uncrosses his arms, already pulling you by the waist to keep you close to him as he narrows his eyes at you, “a little? you’re giving me too much credit here. i think i looked like i could beat someone up if i wanted to.”

“so... you wanna beat up felix because he invited us over to play mario kart?”

“i mean, yeah if it fits–wait, what?”

his expression immediately changes when he processes what you mean, and picking up earlier that you said ‘we’re’ leaving instead of just you. if jealousy was first, inclusiveness was second because yeonjun just loves being with you. sure, he’s all about having your own circle of friends but sometimes, (most of the time) he loves being around you with your friends, too.

“ah... so we are going together?”

“depends. do you still wanna beat–”

“augh, what’re you talking about? we’re all friends, best friends!” he puts a hand over your mouth to stop you from calling him out, even when he already knows whatever he’s thinking isn’t true. he feels you laughing against his hand and allows you to pull his hand from your mouth, so you can reveal to him that pretty smile that numbs him almost instantly, “you know you have nothing to worry about, right?” he feels his heart swooning when you turn his hand, so you can kiss his knuckles, “you’re all i want.”

he tries to press his lips together, so it doesn’t reveal just how hard he’s smiling as he nods... but fails automatically when he lets out a chuckle, happiness taking over his system as he nods again, “yeah, i know.” he moves to grip onto your hand, half-dragging you to the bedroom to–”let’s get ready to kick some asses!”

tl;dr: man’s not jealous because he trusts you with his whole heart but he uses his jealousy as a way to playfully show you how much he loves you. he’s confident in who he is as your lover and partner, but wants you to know that he does care who you go out with and who you interact with because he cares about you. wouldn’t shy from asking directly or use innuendos; would just ask as it is.

[🐯] beomgyu beomgyu’s number one goal in life since he’s met you is to make you laugh. when you’re happy, laugh twice as much. when you’re sad, find a reason to laugh. when you’re mad, he’s trying to ease your nerves with laughter. now... just because he loves hearing you laugh, doesn’t mean he appreciates someone else making you laugh. doesn’t matter who it is; he’ll feel a prick to his chest.

more so now when you’re laughing at your phone, him walking out of the bedroom (as he was taking a nap) to see you on a video call with–he squints his eyes at who’s filling your screen–han jisung. you were laying on your stomach, arm stretched out on top of the arm rest as you two talked leisurely.

sure, all of you have hung out before but... that doesn’t mean beomgyu doesn’t feel anything. he can pretend all he wants but he knows it’ll only get worse the more he tries to suppress it. he’s talked about it with you before and he does feel secure, but sometimes, the feeling doesn’t last very long that his intrusive thoughts take over.

so instead of heading to the kitchen, he ends up plopping on top of you and effectively squishing you on the sofa. jisung immediately waves and greets–”gyu! hey!”

“sup!” beomgyu waves back and the two boys are now chuckling at your breathless state now that your nearly two meter boyfriend decides to use you as a mattress.

“g-gyu, get off!”

“you’re comfortable,” he snorts, pressing his cheek to the side of your head, resting his weight on you as his chest moulds to your back, legs tangled between yours and he supports your hand holding your phone up.

“how’re you, han?”

that’s how beomgyu steered the conversation and you accepted your fate. chiming in here and there, until the video call ends with plans to meet up later at han’s dorm with a couple of the other boys. when you end the call, you flop your phone down (not caring if it slides off to the table conveniently next to it) and try to get a glimpse of your boyfriend, “and what was that about, mr. choi?”

“augh, that’s mr. handsome to you,” he kisses the side of your head, refusing to get up as his arms snake around your waist, coming between your body and the sofa beneath you. “i have a question,”

“can you please get off first?”

“no, you gotta answer first.”

“ask me. ask me quick before i pass out.”

“hypothetically, if you were single and if han was single–”he tries not to laugh when you immediately respond with han’s probably gonna die alone with that mouth of his”–and let’s say you didn’t meet me. would you two have dated?”

“that’s your golden question? that’s the question you’re willing to suffocate me for?”

“answer!”

“hypothetically, realistically and currently, no. i’ve only got eyes for one man and it’s the same one that’s trying to kill me!”

“augh, i love you too.” he coos, lovingly clinging onto you despite your protests, but with the way he’s smiling at you and peppering kisses to your face, you can’t quite push him off if you wanted to.

tl;dr: could be insecure, could be just playful, or the mix of both, depending on the mood. most of the time, he’s fairly confident in him being a boyfriend and a partner to you but there are moments he’ll feel insecure. he’ll mask that with playfulness and whenever you reassure him, it feels like he had nothing to worry about in the first place; because he trusts you, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need the reassurance.

[🐿] taehyun taehyun know that this isn’t something he should feel anything about but... he can’t help himself. he’s only human. the great thing about taehyun is that he doesn’t hide whenever he feels this way so... he’ll... just ask.

now is one of those times when he sees you on a video call with chan–the bang chan from stray kids–as you were fiddling with the computer, phone propped to the side and chan seemingly doing his work with tunes and bits and bobs playing in the background. taehyun stands a distance away, remaining hidden from both of your screens as he thinks whether he’ll want to speak about it now or later but it seems like the answer is decided for him when you–”earth to kang taehyun, you there?”

he seems to snap out of reverie, blinking a couple of times at your direction as his eyes grow wide at the attention now on him. chan gives him a wave, with the pixelated voice of hey, tae! then the line gets wonky and you’re ending the call momentarily to direct your attention fully on–”what’re you up to?”

“just... wanted to get some water. you want some?”

“water?” you snort, and taehyun rubs the back of his neck, regretting a bit on how silly that sounds, “yeah?”

“can we go get boba instead? i can call chan to come with? might do him some good to get out of that studio dungeon.”

you watch as he thinks about it and he starts to make his way towards you. kneeling before you. automatically, you turn to face him and you lean forward when he peers up to you with pressed lips. the shift in his gaze makes you a little antsy, using a hand to put on his shoulder, the other reaching up to run through his hair. he tries not to get sidetracked with your touch, having one hand on your knee, the other reaching up to hold your waist lightly.

"could we... just go together? alone?”

through his question, you’re able to pick up on the subtlety of how he’s feeling. you nod with a smile, “of course, handsome.”

“n-not that i don’t like chan or anything, i just–”

“you don’t have to explain yourself,” your hand moves from his hair to press a thumb over his lips. from speaking midway, he seals his lips into a smile; one so... pretty that it makes your heart swoon at how he’s looking at you.

“but... for me to make it clear, you know i only have eyes for you, hm? chan’s just a good friend.”

“of course,” he starts to regain the usual, silly side he has with you, “have you seen this face?” he tilts his head to the side, showing off his side profile that it makes you chuckle. that draws out an instant reaction of getting taehyun to laugh with you the second he sees that pretty smile on your face.

“that is a very nice face.”

“a face that likes looking at you,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to your palm hovering next to his cheek. the cheesiness makes the both of you visibly shiver and in the next, you two are brushing it off to get ready to head out for boba. (which taehyun suggests getting one for chan to drop by at his studio on the way back)

tl;dr: taehyun’s pretty secure with who he is, knowing well that you chose to be with him for a reason. however, he’s only human to feel a bit envious when another guy or person has your attention that he truly appreciates. he’s not obsessively jealous but he’ll just acknowledge it as a way to recognise he’s feeling that way and feel better when you acknowledge it, too. with a reassurance and acknowledging how he’s feeling is more than enough to keep him happy.

[🐧] kai in all honesty, kai forgot that you were hanging out with hyunjin and changbin until he scrolled through his social media to see a posting of the three of you hanging out in a cafè. his heart flutters seeing you smile and he loves how happy you look but he’d be a liar to say he didn’t feel a small pinch to his heart seeing you with two other guys.

he debates if he wants to text you to ask, knowing it’ll be a bit too much to call but the second he’s about to pull up your chat thread, your name pops up on his screen. giddy, he swipes and answers the call with: “hey!”

“hi hun! i was just leaving a cafè and i wanted to drop by with some cakes and coffee–oh my god, guys, get off!” kai chuckles at how you’re quite literally fighting your way to speak to him, knowing the kind of friendship you had the the two guys. if he’s being honest, it’s like you three depicted the sibling squabbles better than him and his two sisters. more so when he can hear his name being called out by said guys in the background, cooing about how they would rather hang out with him than, you know, you. things like these made him feel at ease with how your friends respected your relationship with him, which is why it made him feel conflicted whenever he feels a bit of jealousy.

“as long as i get to see you, that’s all that matters to me.”

“augh, sweet boy. i’ll be right over–okay fuck you, hwang hyunjin! come here!” kai doesn’t have time to respond when the call ends abruptly and he’s reassured you’re on your way over when you snap a pic of your retrieved goods.

a good twenty minutes later, he hears a knock on the door of his dorm. he opens it to reveal you being escorted by two guys who have you in a partial headlock. it’s only until they meet with kai’s amused smile that they let you go, as if they’re doing a transaction trade. after bidding goodbye, you’re now finally at ease to be able to rest. you place your things on the dining table and turn to him with a huff. he fixes your hair and pulls you into a hug, unable to resist the urge to kiss your forehead before he asks: “had a good time?”

“i still don’t know why i hang out with them. it’s like a death wish each time.”

“then hang out with me more.”

“i’m quite literally in your bed at the end of every night.”

“eh, could be improved,” he shrugs, to which you snort and hit his shoulder before diving in to hug him properly. he hums as he has you in his arms, swaying you a little as he rests his cheek atop your head. still, he has the cheek in him to ask: “you only love me, right?” he only gets a smack to the back as an answer, knowing of his playful tone whenever you hear it. but still, you allow for a couple of beats to pass before you softly reassure him: “of course.”

then, you feel his lips to the side of your head, with a murmur of: “good, because i love you.”

tl;dr: this sweet bean loves seeing you with other people even if it’s not with him. though, he does get a bit jealous but he tries to mask it through being caring and asking questions... which ultimately you see through because of how he texts you or speaks to you. even with the way he acts could subtly imply he might feel jealous but he’s able to respect your space and you having your own friends, too. it’s a good mix and balance of both, playful jealousy that kind of reassures you two of your love.

#kflixnet #txt scenarios #txt reactions #txt headcanons #txt x you #txt x reader #txt stories #soobin x reader #yeonjun x reader #beomgyu x reader #taehyun x reader #hueningkai x reader

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justwritedreams · 2 years

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Next to you | Jeno

Jeno x Reader, best friends to lovers!au Word count:3976 Genre:fluff Warning:Jeno being jealous, dreamies teasing him a lot, mentions of jeno ripping his shirt in the dream show. Author:Maari Note:Ok so I got stuck with this one and I don’t know why but it’s way cliche than I expected lol based on the song next to you by jordin sparks. Request:I wanted to ask if you could do something that includes Jeno being jealous...I don't know something like jealous bestfriend Jeno being super jealous because a dream member (or nct in general) is being too touchy or too close to you...him being "possesive"... Idk other details I left to your fabulous imagination. ⪢ NCT Masterlist

Y/N tried to contain her huge smile as she talked to Mark and Renjun about how Jeno had practically demanded them to stay in the room they were going to use to rehearse to wait for her.

He and Jaemin had lost in rock, paper and scissors and would pay for the food, they had gone to the restaurant closest to the building to buy it before Y/N even arrived, they had run into each other on the way so she still hadn't seen the best friend.

The sweaty palms and heart beating faster along with the butterflies in her stomach were normal, or so she thought. It had been a long time since she'd seen him in person, Jeno's busy schedule and the fact that she worked 8 hours a day had left no small space for them to meet even on weekends.

They talked every day to try to make up for what they missed on each other’s day but video calls and messages weren't enough. She missed watching Jeno play games on his computer when she was off duty, or when he came to visit her at home and played with her dog.

It made sense for the body to react that way, didn't it?

Of course, every minute she didn't take her eyes off the door, hoping he'd walk through it soon and finally be able to hold her tight like he always did after a long day. It was Friday, all she needed was a bear hug from him.

She had liked to hear that Mark had noticed that Jeno was looking forward to seeing her too, since the guy hadn't stopped texting her since she got off work.

But she felt her heart beat faster as the door opened and more voices echoed through the room as the rest of the group returned. Chenle and Haechan talking louder than usual and poor Jisung covering his ears while Jaemin and Jeno brought the bags.

She smiled kindly at them and when her eyes hovered over Jeno, saw his eyes practically disappear as he smiled in the way that made him extremely cute and that she had missed so much, he opened his arms to hug her and when he was close, Jaemin ran ahead and took Jeno's place.

Y/N laughed at the sight of Jaemin running and the way Jeno glared at him, but Jaemin wasn't the least bit worried about that as he hugged her tight.

"We're doing it on purpose." Jaemin spoke quietly to her and soon after walked away, being replaced by Haechan.

"We love to piss him off." spoke in the same tone as Jaemin and she laughed.

“Then you don't know why you get beaten, right?” she replied and when Haechan walked away, he winked.

When she went to hug Chenle, she saw Jeno putting a hand on his waist with a pout and waited, tapping his foot on the floor as if he were a child, his patience seemed to run out when Jisung's turn came.

“Alright, that's enough!” He spoke after going to the two of them and pulling the younger one away from Y/N's embrace. "It's my turn."

"But I didn’t-"

“Go away!" Jeno pushed Jisung away with forced calm and the boy left, confused. "Hey."

"Hey." Y/N laughed, shaking her head as if she couldn't believe the scene she'd seen.

Jeno approached and hugged her tightly, she reciprocated and closed her eyes for a few seconds for the sensation to properly welcome her. "You should go easy on them."

“I missed you more than all of them put together.” he complained and she smiled widely.

It was mutual.

Now, hugging him and feeling his body heat up close, she realized how much missed him on her most tiring days. It was as if Jeno was her private battery, he carried all her energy even with a single hug, he dissipated any bad feelings.

They moved away but Jeno didn't separate his body from hers, he kept his arm around her shoulders making her hug him around the waist as they approached the boys.

"Okay, let's go over it two more times and then we eat." Mark spoke and the boys nodded.

They had been practicing since early but she knew how perfectionists they were, they wouldn't stop training until they were sure they had reached the level they expected, even if it lasted all night.

And Y/N would wait, she was more than happy to be there, spending time with them made her happy.

Y/N walked away, heading towards the couch and the guys started to take their positions.

"Let’s go." Haechan spoke excitedly and in one quick movement took off the shirt he was wearing, leaving his chest exposed.

He tried to throw the shirt to Y/N, who was getting ready to sit on the couch, but Jeno was faster and grabbed the shirt while it was still in the air and threw it in his face.

“Put it on.” he ordered, gritting his teeth, and the boys shared their reactions.

Mark ran to hug Renjun while the two laughed, Chenle clapped her hands exaggeratedly laughing, Jisung looked at everything surprised and Jaemin was in shock but he had a smile on his face.

Y/N looked at everything astonished, she had seen Haechan shirtless before, that was no surprise, he used to do this when few people were in the room. She was surprised even with Jeno's sudden attitude.

“But I always practice like this.” Haechan complained after he took his shirt off his face, with a pout.

“I will record.” Jeno took his phone out of his pocket, seriously. "Unless you want me to post this later."

"Whoa, it wasn't until Y/N came back to our rehearsals that you went back to being no fun." Haechan spoke but put on the shirt anyway.

Jeno ignored Haechan and looked at Y/N, asking with his head for her to record, she smiled still looking at him suspiciously but went to him, taking the phone and going forward.

She turned on the camera and waited for everyone to catch their breath and their positions. Mark turned on the speaker that was in the corner on the floor and motioned for her to start recording.

The expressions of amusement changed to seriousness within seconds as the Glitch Mode beat started. Y/N didn't know if she focused on the phone screen or if she watched them dancing in front of her, the rehearsal was practically perfect as if that was the day of the performance and it wasn't like she could expect any less from them.

They had been waiting for a show with the 7 for so long that she knew how excited they were for it, Jeno had already commented several times how he wanted this experience to be epic, perfect. Apparently, they would give everything they had to make it that way.

They ended the first time and started talking, making some final considerations and Y/N took the opportunity to turn off the camera and sit on the floor still facing them, resting her chin on her hand while watching the conversation feeling her eyelids heavy, that's when her gaze met Jeno's. He looked at her worriedly, nodding as if silently asking if she was all right, causing her to nod slightly in agreement.

It didn't take long before they got back to rehearsing for the last time and all her attention went back to her best friend, he was tired it was notable. His eyes said the same thing as hers, that they urgently needed to rest. But that seemed to make him more determined to dance harder and he seemed to float on the floor, his serious and concentrated expression made Y/N feel a shiver run through her body every time his eyes met hers.

When they were done, breathing heavy and some resting their hands on their knees, Mark decided to end the rehearsal. They need to rest before the show and they had already gone over everything they were going to do

Jeno walked over and held out a hand to Y/N.

“Come on, sit on the couch, it's more comfortable.” he spoke and she reached out to take his hand.

"Besides, my ass must be square already." she spoke as stood up and Jeno laughed.

"There's nothing wrong with your ass." Jaemin's answer echoed through the room and Y/N turned to face him and noticed that not only Jaemin but all the guys were looking through the mirror behind her.

She had spoken in jest and Jaemin too, which was very common between them, being together did that with people but from Jeno's face, the joke hadn't been that funny.

He looked with the best ‘do you want to die?’ expression and stood behind Y/N as if to prevent any of them from looking through the mirror anymore and she controlled a laughter, doing so at that moment would surely make Jeno even angrier.

And while he was cute with that pout, she'd already seen his death glare and it wasn't quite what she wanted him to carry during the time they were eating.

They started to open the bags to share the food and Y/N followed, helping as much as she could and Jeno handed it to her.

"No spicy." he said and she smiled gratefully.

She didn't know why she was still surprised when he asked for food without being spicy, since she didn't like it, she always found the gesture so cute.

Y/N went to the couch and when she sat down, saw that Chenle, Haechan and Jisung were fighting to get the food in a hurry and watched as the three of them ran to sit next to her.

"Oh, you're crushing me." she complained but laughed anyway, Chenle and Jisung on either side of her while Haechan looked dissatisfied.

“I want to sit next to her too!” he whimpered but couldn't get the younger ones out, so he sat next to Chenle.

Y/N shook her head, finding it funny, and her gaze ended up meeting Jeno's who was staring at his friends next to her.

He still had a slight pout and an expression of not the least bit amused.

"You're acting like you've never been around a girl before." he said, rolling his eyes as approached Y/N and sat on the floor in front of her.

“But it’s not just any girl!” Haechan spoke, attracting Jeno's suspicious gaze. "It's Y/N!"

She frowned and took turns looking between the two who seemed to be talking mentally about something she didn't understand, Haechan had a raised eyebrow and was looking at Jeno as if to tease him, while he looked at him angrily, blinking more than he should as if to tell him to shut up. Y/N decided not to add more fuel to the fire and looked at Jisung who just shrugged his shoulders, Renjun, Mark and Jaemin approached, sitting on the floor like Jeno and started to eat.

“Are you going to the show, Y/N?” Renjun asked, after a long time of silence. Everyone was hungry, that's why no one spoke.

"Yes, I wouldn't miss this moment for anything." She replied, smiling proudly.

Mainly because she was so happy and proud of where they had come and it would be the only nights she would be able to see Jeno before his schedule got busy again.

“Will Jeno take his shirt off again?” Chenle hummed and Y/N almost choked on her own saliva.

Ah, she remembered that day perfectly, as if it were yesterday.

She knew Jeno was so much more than his looks, he was good and kind and considerate. She wasn't his friend just because his face was perfectly drawn as if it had been sculpted by the gods.

But something inside her lit up when Jeno yelled 'make some noise' and ripped his shirt so hard she couldn't even blink because her eyes were so wide they didn't even move. Since then, even though he was wearing glasses and a sweatshirt, she couldn't get the image out of her head. In her eyes, Jeno was no longer the shy, introverted guy, she knew that on stage he transformed, but seeing her best friend's chest live had done something to her.

Like imagining certain things she never would have thought she would with her own best friend.

Well, ok maybe she had started to see the guy as a man instead of the cute boy she was used to? Probably.

She tried to hide the way she was disconcerted, looking at anyone other than Jeno and saw him out of the corner of her eye throw the chopsticks at Chenle forcefully, it was a retaliatory response but it did the exact opposite, Chenle started laughing out loud and Y/N realized there was something more to that teasing.

She looked at the guys, some were laughing along with Chenle and others were smiling as if they understood exactly what was happening, leaving her confused.

Chenle threw chopsticks at Jeno, who looked offended and challenged, and before it turned into a real war, Mark intervened.

"Okay, I think it's time for us to leave." he spoke when saw that everyone had already finished eating.

Everyone got up, helping to throw things in the trash and tidying the room the way they found it, Mark was the last to leave the room after turning off the light and the group started walking out of the building, Y/N and Jeno walked side by side in complete silence just listening to Haechan and Chenle's loud conversation.

She looked at her best friend suspiciously, it looked like he wanted to say something, his eyes kept looking for her out of the corner of his eyes but he didn't. She could feel Jeno's anxiety and it made her anxious too.

She said goodbye to everyone with a hug before they left the building and the only time Jeno said anything was before she got close to him to hug him too.

"I follow you." he spoke firmly but quietly and she nodded in response, suppressing a smile.

He always accompanied her home, no matter if they were far away or if he was tired.

"See you later." Mark spoke up.

Y/N and Jeno started walking in the opposite direction.

“Have fun, Jeno.” Haechan spoke after waving goodbye and Y/N frowned.

Jeno huffed but didn't respond, continuing to walk and Y/N quickened her pace as saw him go faster.

“Did I miss something?” she said as soon as they were away from the guys, already outside the building. "Is it just me or are they teasing you more than usual?"

"Don't care about them." he replied through gritted teeth and she knew he was angry.

Y/N realized that Jeno didn't want to prolong the subject and stayed silent, walking beside him feeling that something was wrong, out of place.

Well, Jeno wasn't chatty, sometimes the two of them just stood close to each other in silence because it was comforting but not this time. It was uncomfortable, it felt like a wall was between them and it was horrible.

She trusted Jeno and knew he trusted her too, so why weren't they talking about what was going on?

Why did Jeno have an extremely cute pout and why did she feel the need to kiss him?

Many questions went through her head and the way to her apartment went like this, in silence as she tightened the strap of the bag she was carrying and Jeno kept his hands inside his pants pockets.

They stopped in front of the lobby and she turned to face Jeno, uncertain. He had something in his eyes that told her this night shouldn't be over, not like this.

“I washed that sweatshirt of yours that stayed with me about 6 months ago.” she said, playing with her fingers. "Do you want to go up to get it?"

She saw Jeno struggle and looked away, biting the inside of her cheek, waiting for an answer.

Jeno always went up, if he was thinking about refusing it was because something was wrong.

"Alright." he replied quietly and Y/N just nodded as the silence now became awkward.

She went ahead, feeling Jeno behind her and things got even worse inside the elevator. She busied herself looking for the house key in her purse but felt Jeno looking at her longer than he usually did.

Once they got to the floor and she opened the apartment door, she saw that Jeno was waiting for her to go ahead, so she walked in kicking off her shoes and putting her bag on the couch as she walked into the living room.

"I'll be right back!" she spoke without looking at him and stormed off to the bedroom, not giving him a chance to respond or say 'make yourself comfortable' like she always did.

But she didn't think she needed to, that was Jeno, he was always comfortable in her house.

She felt her cheeks burn when saw that Jeno's sweatshirt was on her bed, some nights she had taken the piece of clothing to sleep, Jeno's perfume was still strong in the sweatshirt even though she had washed it and it seemed that was all she had to calmed the whirlwinds of thoughts that appeared when she went to sleep.

She left the room clutching the sweatshirt in her hands, thanking Jeno for not going after her or else he would see that she used the sweatshirt as a teddy bear but when she returned to the living room, he wasn't there.

She frowned and heard a bark, followed by Jeno's voice, she smiled and went to the kitchen, seeing Jeno from the back as he stroked the head of her dog that was in the separate area for him, the small grate wouldn't let him jump on Jeno so it just stood up to get the boy's affection.

Seeing the owner, he barked once more and that made Jeno turn around, sighing sadly.

“Your sweatshirt.” she held out with a shy smile and he mirrored her reaction, taking a few steps towards Y/N, taking the sweatshirt from her hands making their fingers meet for mere seconds.

"Thanks." he answered so quietly she had to strain to hear.

“Jeno, what is it?” she asked, crossing her arms and staring at him steadily. “You're so quiet and you look like you want to say something. You know you can tell me anything, don't you?”

He nodded but the eyes didn't meet hers, he kept his eyes fixed on the sweatshirt he was holding.

“So what happened?”

Jeno took a deep breath, lifting his head and looking into Y/N's eyes, who were looking at him expectantly.

"I missed you."

Y/N felt her shoulder give out. So that was why he was acting that way?

“I did too.”

“No, Y/N.” he laughed humorlessly, shaking his head, set the sweatshirt on the kitchen counter and approached her. Taking her by surprise, he brought both hands up to her face and made her unable to look away into his dark eyes. “I really missed you.”

Y/N felt her entire body tingle at the same time her stomach churned. It wasn't her imagination, it didn't seem like her imagination.

Jeno's soft voice carried something she hadn't seen before, it was more than affection, much more than friendship.

“Jeno.”

“You asked me if you missed anything because the guys were teasing me more than usual.” she just nodded silently. "I wanted you to know how much you mean to me, but I can't say it without sounding silly."

Y/N felt her heart speed up, it was beating so fast that she started to get scared that Jeno might hear.

"Say what?"

“I got jealous, okay?” he admitted and Y/N felt her jaw drop. “The way the boys were hugging you, looking at you, getting next to you. I wanted to be next to you. You don't know how many sleepless nights I spent just thinking about that moment, when I would finally meet you again after so long and they knew it.”

Y/N was in shock, not because he admitted the guys were teasing him on purpose but because he talked about exactly what had happened to her in the last few months that she couldn't see him in person.

Two, three, four, five o'clock in the morning and she couldn't sleep thinking about him. What would it be like when they hugged each other again since every time she thought of him she felt like her heart was going to come out of her mouth, what would she say to him without looking like a fool.

That's why, every time she needed to sleep cuddled with his sweatshirt, but in fact she really wanted to sleep cuddled with him.

“I wanted to hit Jaemin when he talked about your ass.” Y/N laughed at Jeno's serious expression, it must have looked scary but he was so cute. "I don't want anyone staring at your ass but me." She raised her eyebrow and Jeno closed his eyes, his cheeks turning red. "It wasn't supposed to sound so possessive."

“So you stare?” she asked, smirking and he opened his eyes, confused. "At my ass."

Jeno's eyes responded, the way they glowed was the confirmation she so desperately needed.

It wasn't in her head, he was looking at her the same way she was looking at him then.

"I thought we were friends." she started to speak and Jeno's face tensed but she smiled slightly, taking a hand to Jeno's who was still holding her face. “But I wanted more. I was so nervous when I called you, I don't know, it felt like I was going to collapse every time I heard your voice.” she laughed and Jeno smiled, his face calmer now. "And I held on to your sweatshirt every night like you were here, it sounds really corny talking out loud but it's the truth."

Y/N raised her head, in a clear sign for what she wanted, Jeno touched their foreheads and also the noses, the two closed their eyes at the same moment and Jeno advanced, capturing her lips slowly and Y/N grabbed the his shoulder as if she needed it to keep herself upright, with the movement Jeno took the opportunity to take a hand to her waist and hug her with possession, as if keeping her clinging to him was all he needed. And indeed it was.

The kiss continued at the same pace, neither of them seemed to want to rush things, feel the taste and sensations they had dreamed of for months, the way their warm, wet lips molded perfectly.

Y/N gasped easily, cuddled against Jeno's warm body and his hand was still on her cheek directing where her head should go.

They pulled away but they were still very close, so much so that Y/N felt Jeno's lips brush hers as he smiled through his heavy breathing. Still without opening her eyes, she took the opportunity to put her arms around his neck and hug him tightly, afraid that he would leave, Jeno reciprocated, practically making the girl lose herself in his warm and cozy embrace.

"Now you can hold on me." he replied close to her ear, placing a quick kiss on her neck.

She smiled, feeling accomplished. She was finally where she wanted to be, next and in Jeno's arms.

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the-bottom-of-the-abyss · 1 year

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siren song - chapter 5

Masterlist

previous chapter: chapter 4

next chapter: chapter 6

A/N: Sorry for the wait, guys!! Likely it won't be that long in between updates in the future because I am also obssessed with this story. Also, you can't tag more than 100 people on a post so I'm doing the rest in the comments and I'm hoping it works!! Thank you for all the love on the story, it means the world to me ❤️ Also this is a tad bit shorter than usual but next chapter will probably be really long so it should even out!!

Siren

August 30 2022

2100, Classified location, Las Almas

The darkness of the night surrounded you, only broken up by headlights from the two cars you and the rest of your team exited from. The illumination allowed you to take in the desert around you, the dry sand and the occasional cacti. Nothing could be seen for miles and the only semblance of life seemed to be the call of nearby coyotes. It was such a deserted space, you almost expected a tumbleweed to roll by.

You leaned against the side of one of the cars and watched Ghost do the same at the other vehicle.

Soap and Alejandro dragged a struggling Hassan from the car near you and into the middle while Graves set up a laptop on the ground.

“On your knees,” Soap ordered, pushing Hassan to the desert floor along with Alejandro’s help.

“Y’all got a clear picture?” Graves asked after setting up the video call with Shepherd and Laswell. Alejandro yanked off the black hood covering Hassan and stayed standing behind him, gun at the ready.

“Crystal,” Shepherd’s voice rang out from the laptop.

“All set,” Laswell confirmed.

“Alright, we are live, folks,” Graves said, walking over to join Soap in standing in front of Hassan. Graves hooked his thumbs into the front of his vest, giving off an air of ease.

Before Graves could utter a single word, Hassan spoke up first.

“Do you speak Arabic?”

“No,” Graves replied.

“Farsi?”

Graves looked up in annoyance before leveling a bored stare at Hassan. “No.”

“Course not. Then I’ll speak you bastardized medieval English,” Hassan gave a small smile, “because you are all uneducated street dogs.”

Graves looked down and shook his head in mock-disappointment.

“Ah, see… we’re getting off to a bad start here, Hassan.”

“You are talking to a Quds Force officer.”

“You’re the commander of a foreign terror organization,” Graves stated.

“I can say the same to you,” Hassan replied. His attempts at provocation failed, with none of you reacting to what was a very pathetic attempt at cleverness.

“What’s your target, ‘Major’?” Graves asked, tacking on the last bit with thinly veiled sarcasm.

“What was your target when they sent missiles to my land?”

Graves shrugged before looking back to Hassan. “Oh well, wild guess… To nail your ass.”

“So insolent and foul-mouthed,” Hassan said with distaste, “You will learn to respect me when your nation sees fire.”

Graves took a step forward, getting even closer. “You are in bed with the cartel, Hassan. If you disappeared, no one would know where to look for the fuckin’ stain.” The last bit was said through gritted teeth; personally, you wouldn’t have shown any sense of anger or frustration with a man like Hassan who clearly craved it. In your opinion, nonchalance and indifference would work best, but alas, it was not your interrogation.

Hassan laughed. “I have no doubt you’ll take pleasure in torturing me.”

Soap interrupted the back and forth between Graves and Hassan, asking, “Who’d you get American missiles from?”

Almost immediately, Shepherd cut in. “I don’t care who they’re from, I wanna know where they’re going.”

You furrowed your eyebrows slightly; surely, he would want to know who the supplier was in order to prevent more from getting into the wrong hands. It struck you as odd, the hardness in his voice. Maybe you were reading into things too much, but based on the look on Soap’s face, you weren’t the only one.

Graves stepped away from Hassan and looked at the immediate, desolate surroundings. As if on cue, coyotes began howling.

“Take a look around, Hassan,” Graves said, now bending to be eye-level with Hassan. “Now, you can either become part of the food chain or you can start talking.”

“I’m a hostage here. This is illegal.”

Alejandro placed a firm hand on Hassan’s shoulder. “You’re a prisoner of war.”

Hassan attempted to rear back and look at Alejandro but was stopped by the hand on his shoulder.

“Iran is not at war with Mexico. I’ve broken no laws. These men and their commanders are the law breakers,” Hassan declared, looking at every one of your team.

“You and your beloved General Ghorbani broke every—“ Soap was instantly cut off by an enraged Hassan.

“Do not speak his name!” he roared. “You executed him and you will pay for your crimes!”

This outburst brought a lazy smirk to your face. You simply could not stay back any longer, not when it was finally getting good.

You sauntered up next to Soap and Graves and joined them in towering over Hassan.

“Men,” you said humorously, your smirk never faltering, “always so dramatic.”

Hassan lunged towards you, causing Alejandro to tighten his grip and Soap to aim his gun at Hassan but you didn’t move. You simply chuckled as he spit out something you assumed to be an insult. You were not afraid of this man. You were not afraid of many men, not anymore.

Before you could say anything else, Shepherd’s voice, full of frustration, came through the laptop.

“I want this bastard in permanent custody or looking up at the goddamn grass…”

“General,” Laswell cautioned, “killing Hassan is an act of war, keeping him is illegal. Right now, he is too hot to hold.”

“Tell me you’re getting something actionable, Laswell.”

“Working on it. Stand by.”

Graves walked to the laptop and placed it on the hood of the car that Ghost stood next to.

“Actual, let me finish this,” Graves implored.

“There is nothing I would like more,” Shepherd admitted. “But Laswell’s right. Without proof we need to turn him loose. See where he leads us.”

“He’s right here. You can’t be serious,” Soap said incredulously.

“I’m afraid I am, son.”

At that, Hassan smirked.

Out of the corner of your eye you could see Ghost looking down at Hassan’s phone. “Did we get anything from his phone?”

“Affirmative,” Laswell answered. “We got a hit.”

“Good,” Shepherd said. “Now take him back and let him go.”

Alejandro threw a hood back over Hassan’s head and dragged him up. On the way, Ghost slid the phone into Hassan’s jacket pocket while Soap shut the laptop, killing the connection to Washington.

——

Siren

31 August 2022

0800, Mexican Special Forces base, Las Almas

No orders had been given after letting Hassan go. You assumed others in the task force besides your fellow Sergeant and Lieutenant were on the lead from Hassan’s phone. You instead were to wait for further instructions and remain in the base along with the Mexican Special Forces and Shadow PMC boys. You seemed to be one of the only women around, and it seemed several pairs of eyes followed you wherever you went.

Except when Ghost was around apparently. Only at breakfast when you sat in silence with your team did you see people look at you then quickly avert their gaze.

The joke was on them, though. They may stereotype based on Ghost’s menacing aura and mask, but the most dangerous kind of person is the one you’d never expect.

Feeling a little restless, you found yourself training. First, to warm up, you decided to practice throwing knives. You were pretty confident in your skills, but it never hurt to be repetitive.

You began with the closest dummy, aiming for every major artery you could hit while your target was stationary. However, you, as well as anybody knew, that rarely did a perfect shot line up. Most of the time, you dealt with people running towards or away from you, which is why the moving feature of the target dummies was so useful. As it moved back and forth, you carefully but swiftly took your aim and hit the mark, this time only trying for the heart or head; any fancy knifework was not worth the possibilty of missing your mark, something you knew from experience.

You smiled at your own skills. You weren’t always like that though; You became good out of necessity, not fascination with the craft. However, the necessity was the best kind of teacher, where one missed mark would lead to death and every hit was a step to freedom.

As you walked up to retrieve the knives, you felt the weight of someone’s gaze on your back. A few of Graves’ boys were standing around, looking at your handiwork. And in the way back, you saw a familiar, masked face watching you too.

—

After an hour or so of doing knife work, you left to explore the other training facilities. It was a large base, one that had extensive opportunities for skill improvement that you fully intended to take advantage of.

You found the hand-to-hand area fairly quickly, on account of Soap and Ghost trying to take each other out. They were covered in a layer of sweat, indicating they had been at it a while.

“C’mon Johnny,” Ghost drawled out, “you can do better.”

“Go fuck yourself, Lt.” Johnny replied, attempting to land a punch in Ghost’s side, only to be blocked with ease.

You sat on the sideline and watched as they battled it out. In all honestly, both were very good, with only a handful of blows landing for each of them.

Eventually though, Ghost had Soap in headlock of sorts on the ground and Soap tapped out.

“Damn, Lt.,” Soap said, catching his breath. “gonna put me out of commission.”

“Nah, I think you still got some fight in you,” Ghost told him.

“I think I’m done for today,” Soap said. “Maybe we can rematch another time.”

“Alright, mate.”

As Soap walked off, Ghost grabbed his water and lifted the balaclava just enough for him to place the bottle to his lips.

You unabashedly watched his Adam’s apple move with each drink and stared at his lips as they cradled the bottle rim. Never before had you been so fascinated by a pair of lips, especially ones not belonging to a target. And even then, you were more interested in getting their lips on you so you could distract them enough to get what you really needed.

This time though, there was no ulterior motive to watching your superior officer. Just pure intrigue, one that you weren’t sure whether you wanted to fuel or douse with water.

Ghost finished his drink, pulled his balaclava back down, and turned to you. You did not startle when he looked straight at you; you figured he knew you were there from the moment you entered. He seemed like someone who was always aware, always on guard, just like you.

“Siren,” he greeted as you walked towards him.

“Need a sparring partner?” you asked, stopping to stand in front of him.

“You want to fight?” Ghost’s voice made the question seem more like a statement.

“Think I can’t handle you?” you questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m sure you can handle me just fine, Sergeant,” he said with a low timbre that made a pang of desire to go through your body. “Just making sure.”

In lieu of an answer, you backed up to stand across from him and stood at the ready. He nodded at you and and you returned the gesture, signaling that you were ready for whatever he had in store.

He was large, but you were fast and a quick thinker. There had been many times that called for hand-to-hand and almost always, your opponent was bigger than you; this was no different.

Like in all the movies, you began just circling each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.

“You’re holding out on me, Lieutenant,” you baited.

“I could say the same,” he replied.

You circled each other on the mat a few more times before you finally decided to make the first move.

You approached quickly, acting as if you were going to punch him in the face but instead went for a gut shot with your other fist. Not your best move, but the fight was just getting started.

He grabbed your wrist before it made contact with his stomach, his grip bruising.

You easily broke out of his hold but not before he threw a swing your way. You leaned out of the way, barely, and instead kicked him in his side. His hand briefly encircled your ankle before you yanked it back, not allowing him to end the fight just yet.

Almost immediately he was on you again, this time actually landing a hit with a knee to your stomach. You briefly doubled over and he unsuccessfully attempted to follow up by grabbing you, only stopped by your quick recovery.

You traded blows back and forth, with each hit becoming more and more passion-fueled.

After a few minutes he finally got ahold of you fully by grabbing your ponytail and pulling you by it. In your attempt to free yourself he grabbed both wrists and held them in one hand.

Ghost held you against his body, with you facing away from him. One hand wrapped around your throat while the other was occupied keeping your wrists from breaking free.

“Mmm, kinky,” you purred, arching your back to press further into his hold. “But you’re going to have to try harder than that to impress me.”

“Oh yeah?” he asked, tightening his grip around your neck.

“Yeah,” you answered, going limp in his arms. Caught off guard, his grip faultered, allowing you to break free from his grip and sweet his feet from under him. You wasted no time straddling him and pinning his wrists above his head.

You didn't get to celebrate the small victory, though, because within seconds he was flipping you over, putting you in the same position. You attempted to buck your hips up and free yourself but he didn’t budge.

You let yourself go limp once more, this time in mock-defeat.

“Give up?” Ghost teased, bringing his masked-face closer to you.

You knew you weren't the only one to feel the tension constantly tying the two of you together; he played dirty, as evidenced by yanking on your hair. You wouldn't show him any mercy just because the two of you shared moments

You widened your eyes in feigned surprise at the closeness. He stopped so close that you could feel his breath brush against your lips, and you could see individual fibers sticking out of the balaclava.

You made your breath hitch, causing him to glance down. You bit your lip and watched his gaze follow the action. You wanted him to feel like a predator, finally catching his prey; like he was in control.

He brought your wrists together so he could hold them together while his free hand found itself around your throat once again. You leaned into the touch, and he slid his hand upwards, thumb moving to touch your bottom lip. You opened your mouth slightly and he took it as an invitation to slip it in to rest on your tongue. Without pause, you hollowed out your cheeks as you sucked and caressed it with your tongue, eliciting a very quiet groan from the man above you. He took his thumb out from your mouth and dragged it down your chin and neck, stopping at the top of your tank top on your chest. Ghost’s eyes were a wildfire, and you would be lying if you said you didn’t want to be utterly and completely consumed by it.

However, you needed to prove to him that you could handle yourself just fine.

Right as he breathed in to say something, you quickly headbutted him as hard as you could and in the confusion, brought your legs to your chest and pushed him off completely.

You scrambled to jump on top of him and lock his head in between your legs. You tightened your hold as he tried to pry you off of him to no avail.

“Give up?” you mocked with a smirk.

He patted the mat twice with a hand and you released him from your hold.

You both got to your feet, both breathing heavily, and you reached out a hand.

Ghost grabbed it and shook it firmly. Before letting go, he pulled you closer, bringing you within inches of his face.

“You play a dangerous game, Siren,” he warned quietly.

“I invented the game, Ghost,” you told him with a coy smile.

For a moment, everything was still. It felt like that tension was finally going to snap, and maybe you could finally get him out of your system. His eyes dropped to your lips again and you took a small step closer. It felt like walking a tightrope, this back and forth with him.

But instead, he dropped your hand, eyes roaming beyond you and to the group of Shadows and Graves that just walked in.

Without another word, Ghost left, leaving you to relish in your victory and think about the taste of his skin.

—

Later, you finished off your training at the range once again, this time using an MCPR-300 sniper rifle for a change. You were doing fairly well, managing to hit the bullseye for a majority of the shots when you heard someone walk in behind you.

“It’s me.” Soap walked up, taking the window beside you and pulling out his own rifle. “Pretty sweet facility, eh?”

“Absolutely,” you replied. “Haven’t practiced in something this nice in a while.”

“I thought the Americans were all about the military,” he commented, attaching his scope.

“Oh, they are,” you reassured. “I’m never in the same place for very long so I don’t get to experience it much anymore.”

Soap lined up his rifle for a shot. He took aim and fired, hitting the target in the head. You took a turn, running through the same ritual. Breathe, aim, fire.

“But not in the beginning?” he asked.

“No, I joined just like everyone else,” you told him.

Both of you traded shots back and forth for a bit. You let the silence sit, knowing that he likely would drop any questions if you stayed quiet. But a part of you geniuenly was curious about your teammates; the only time you ever got to know people was reading their file right before being tasked with killing them. It was a lonely life, not that you minded most of the time. You decided that you would let yourself be companionable, just for the time being, just until you were alone again.

“Why’d you join?” you asked him.

“Cousin was in the British Army and I visited him a lot,” Soap told you. “I wanted to join too. I even lied about my age a few times, but I got caught every time.”

You chuckled at the thought. He laughed as well, but a blush spread up his neck in embarrasment at the tale.

“You?” he asked.

You shrugged. “Not much else to do. Didn’t know my parents, aged out of the system. It was something to do and something to keep food in my stomach.”

“Damn,” he said quietly. You figured it was out of pity and not only did you not want it, you didn’t want to bring down the entire conversation. It was a lonely upbringing, yes, and not the easiest either. But at the end of the day, you survived. Your time growing up didn't even make it in the top fifteen of the more less-than-ideal situations you had been in. It really was a matter of perspective. And to Soap, who has no clue about the rest of your life, you knew how it sounded and why he reacted in that way.

“Doesn’t really bother me,” you told him. “Maybe back then, but I’m glad I joined. I’m good at what I do and I’m not sure who I’d be without it.”

The last bit was a little more than you intended on admitting, but you trusted these men to watch your back, it wasn’t too much more to let them have a glimpse of your true self, whoever she was. Between the different masks and personas, you sometimes got a small taste of who you used to be, but for the most part, she was long gone, hidden away.

You stood in the silence together, both of you continuing to practice. It was nice, the feeling of camaraderie. It made you a little melancholy to think of going back to working alone. It was inevitable though; most jobs you did called for deep infilatration and just you. Recently, your assignments had been shorter, not requiring you to integrate yourself seemlessly in a targets life, but you have had your fair share of them over the years.

“Siren?”

Both you and Soap looked to the Shadow who walked into the range.

“Yes?” you answered.

“General Shepherd is asking for you.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll be right there.” you told him, beginning to disassemble your gun.

“Wonder why,” Soap muttered after the mercenary left.

“No idea,” you told him.

—

“General,” you greeted as his face popped up over the video call.

He sighed.

“Siren, I need a win right now,” he began. “There are some… unfortunate events that have occurred that are keeping Laswell away. It’s being taken care of, but we need more on these missiles.”

You wanted to ask about Laswell, but his tone was enough to deter you. Surely, you would hear about it soon anyways.

“Go out and be my eyes and ears,” he ordered. “No need to exterminate any of the locals, but wear a wire or something for Mexican Special Forces to listen in and translate. See if you can hear anything about the head of the cartel. I have a feeling that will be the next place we have to look.”

“Of course, sir,” you told him. “To clarify, you want only me to go?”

“Is that a problem?”

“No, of course not. Just double checking.” You could just imagine how annoyed Ghost will be. He's already shown that he wants you to have backup, though if the roles were reversed, he would refuse it for himself. This time, though, your hands were tied, even if you did want someone watching your back.

He nodded and ran a hand down over his face. He looked about ten years older than usual and clearly has had some difficulty sleeping if his dark circles were anything to go by. “I need this done tonight. I want a debrief when the night is over.”

“Yes, sir.”

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toymail62 · 2 years

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vivid-wisp · 3 years

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You know how it be suffering from big brainrot being into FNF so I’ve compiled a list of ideas for the characters. This is more so for myself but thought I'd share some of my ideas. Take this as you will, these headcanons are based on educated guesses, actual lore, or just for fun. I also really like explaining my reasoning for some stuff so be ready for that. Long post. :]

Boyfriend / BF

- Is asian specifically Japanese, based on the idea how the dev team like to agree Hatsune Miku is BF’s canon sibling. Can also be asian American.

- Despite his appearance BF is actually somewhat physically strong and capable. If he can’t rap battle someone he’d be down to beat someone up, based on the idea how PA (Phantom Arcade) says he sucks at FromSoftware games and would rather throw down IRL than in video games.

- Him and Pico were exes, but they dated when they were WAY YOUNGER, and this was before when BF or Pico knew how to handle a relationship properly. Pico was the one to call things off. (more on Pico’s section) They may still get kind of flustered around each other.

- For most of his childhood, BF never really felt like he stood out. It leads into the reason why he likes singing since it ironically feels like he's being heard, despite not really liking to talk a lot. He was a very quiet kid back then. He'd always liked singing and rapping, he just wasn't put into a position of intense judgement until meeting GF's father and mother, rockstar and ex-rockstar. Training arc begins.

- BF took courses/majored in music design or sound design in college, but dropped out to spend more time with Girlfriend and practice his musical talent himself seeing as it felt more natural than doing boring classes.

- Despite what people think, BF doesn’t dye his hair. It WAS a different color but a shade, like a lighter blue color when he was younger. (Based on Ninjamuffin/NM's recent AMA answers)

- BF owns a dog, not specific but definitely a large breed of dog that stays at home and is taken care of by his parents. He loves a lot of pets and animals, especially anything blue.

- It’s no surprise BF isn’t the smartest, but this comes from a place of putting on the “bad boy” act and being told he’d never make it anywhere in life so he never tried. BF is really a soft guy who deep down has a good heart and just wants to show his appreciation to the person (GF) who makes him feel okay knowing you don’t have to be the best.

- BF actually CAN speak, but chooses to be selectively mute. More so because he’s not the best when it comes to words, and he’s never felt the need to talk. Don’t expect much because like in Week 6, it’ll likely just be random noises he makes or his signature “beeps!” He still reacts, just with noises. (we ignore the logic of him singing it just sounds like beeps to us the players while everyone in universe perfectly understands) [just saw NM's recent AMA I GODDAMN CALLED IT LET'S GOOOO]

Girlfriend / GF

- GF unsurprisingly, has a very wealthy background and in turn family too. So she’s no stranger to most expensive things. This doesn’t mean she won’t appreciate anything BF gifts her, in fact she’s more than appreciative of anything if it comes from BF her love.

- May or may not be a demon like her parents but she doesn’t want to scare BF, and also has slight appearance anxieties about it so she chooses to hide it by staying in her “human” form. She's self conscious of appearing like a demon, and doesn't want to scare people away just based on her look.

- So yes GF can and will in fact beat you up, a lot more than BF if she really wanted to. Especially if she went into her demon form.

- Also not the brightest, due to her extravagant background she’s been so spoiled to the point where everything is handed to her on a silver plate. Which also means her intelligence. They're both himbo/bimbo dynamic I don’t make the rules sorry.

- Actually really good at singing herself too, she’s a bit more wonky with rapping but she’s still good. Ties into the fact GF is the first to teach you how to rap/sing in the tutorial. If she really wanted to, she would destroy BF in a singing battle.

- Kinda aloof and can be apathetic, but more in the sense of “oh cool" instead of a "not caring" feeling way. Like moving on from something that was most definitely not cool like oh my god does that monster with bloody human teeth have a lemon for a head-

- Absolutely adores the large height difference between her and BF. She loves picking BF up suddenly and swinging him around. It’s cute and funny to her. (BF likes the height difference dynamic too but he'd never admit it)

Pico

- Pico never went to college nor finished, instead he takes up jobs from around the city as a mercenary. He's so skilled to the point it pays well enough he doesn't really need a job. He owns a small apartment.

- He likes spending time when he's not on the job, around BF and GF but this is more so at a distance. He does hang out with them, but don't expect him to show up automatically by their side. Like maybe once a week.

- Despite his original job to kill BF, Pico is very protective of BF and looks out for him albeit distantly. He knows BF can handle himself, but he will risk jumping into a situation if BF needs help. ONLY when he needs help.

- Pico still spends time with Nene and Darnell, but this is more so as an acquaintance thing. They're still friends, but all three of their jobs (as assassin and mercs) make things kind of awkward and distance from one another.

- Pico has a lot of untreated trauma, whether that be PTSD, schizophrenia, OCD, etc, a lot of it is very untreated. While Pico is aware he has some mental health disorders he's not aware of ALL of them. He frankly doesn't care nor does he really feel like dedicating the time to properly help himself, which stems from his upbringing in his childhood, "deal with it" attitude back then. He doesn't think it's a big deal, even though deep down he knows he should seek help. Especially after hanging out with BF and GF who, unsurprisingly, are (relatively) normal in the head unlike his friends Nene and Darnell. His disorders disrupt his everyday life and living routine, he can have a lot of very bad days.

- Pico is a wannabe DJ, he likes to sing and rap but prefers the latter and likes listening to music more rather than doing it itself. When he was a kid he liked BF for his passion for singing and rapping, and admired him in a way.

- BF and Pico went to the same elementary school, and were very much friends. After the events of Pico's School, Pico acted very different than how BF knew him, and somewhere along that path BF and Pico decided to date each other when they were in middle school (at 13-14). This was very much a hasty decision and didn't end well. Pico was the one to break things off due to knowing he couldn't handle the responsibility of another person, especially in a relationship. He had too much on his plate already from the trauma that still haunted him, and also was around the time Pico told BF he would be getting homeschooled instead after many years of decision with Pico's parents. It was best to end things before they'd spiral and get worse.

- While BF was heartbroken, he knew it was for the better even if he was upset for quite a bit. After Pico became homeschooled and left middle school, BF noticeably became more quiet until he'd meet GF near the beginning of high school. Pico and BF tried to keep in contact, but eventually naturally just fell out of touch with each other, both too busy with their own lives now. Pico never really resolved his whole feelings issues, which still show up when he'd meet BF years later again but knows those feelings are best left behind.

- While Pico was very surprised and shocked to see BF again despite being commissioned to kill BF, BF himself was too busy being caught up in seeing an old friend again. Whether that be BF was either too dumb to realize he was being killed or because he was genuinely very happy to see his old friend again, the two had a small reconcile after so many years and decided to rap for old time's sake.

#fnf #friday night funkin #fnf pico #fnf boyfriend #fnf girlfriend #idk how else to tag the rest and I’m too lazy to look it up so those yup #I just thought this list would be fun to make :]#picos school #this is a really long post im so sorry to any poor soul who actually read all of this #also i just read through a lot of NM's answers in his recent AMA and one of them has ruined me dhmu going dark

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drrrsankai-blog · 3 years

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Reality TV Show Writing Meme!

Rules:

- Choose 6 OC's canon characters.

- Put your OC's names in list of numbers and answer the questions with your OC's names instead of the number, write at least 100 words to answer.

- Once an OC is evicted, you must choose the next consecutive number to fill in the question. E.g. If [1] is evicted, choose [2]. If [6] is evicted, go back round to [1]. (I fucked this part up but idc)

Cast:

1. Aoba

2. Shizuo

3. Namie

4. Ran

5. Shingen

6. Erika

Warning:

OOC (gets worse as it goes along honestly), c r a c k, dark humor, insanity, and Namie being Namie (and Erika being Erika...).

1. Welcome to the House! Introduce the OC's and what their luxury item would be.

[1] Aoba: Luxury item? A pool.

[2] Shizuo: Another pack of cigarettes. *doesn't know what it is*

[3] Namie: Well, there's not much of anything that comes to mind... except a fine night out with my darling Seiji~

[4] Ran: Fucking ew.

[5] Shingen: Hmm...hm, hm, hm. I need to think about this one...

[6] Erika: All the doujinshis on my wishlist!

2. There are 3 bedrooms, 1 with 2 double beds, 1 with 2 single beds and 1 with only 2 matresses on the floor. Who pairs up with whom, is there an argument over who should get the better room, and how is this resolved?

No one's happy, except Erika who comments that it feels like a sleepover (and Ran who yells out that 'we're literally living together for this'). However, Namie has already grabbed Erika's arm to lead her into the room with two single beds, because 'the only man she'll sleep in a room with is Seiji'. Erika doesn't get time to object before the door slams behind them. Leaving only the other four...

Shingen rubs his chin, trying to decide which remaining options were better. If he chose the room with the double bed, he surmised he might get lonely since there'd be no other weight in it, so the mattresses on the floor sounded like a better option.

Shizuo heads into the room with the double beds. No one follows him in.

Aoba and Ran look at each other, mutually scowling the thought of having to share a room with the blonde, then scowl at each other. Ultimately, they decide on taking the room with the mattresses on the floor.

By the time Shingen makes his decision, he finds everyone gone and the room he had decided on occupied. With a droop of his shoulder and a small, disappointed sigh, he heads into the double-bedded room with Heiwajima.

Then...

"Wait a minute, this is my house! Why the hell don't I get to call the shots?!"

Namie, laying in bed and staring up at the ceiling, hearing Shingen's voice: What an idiot.

3. Now they've decided where they're sleeping, they make their way to the living room but find that it is empty expect for a few large and heavy boxes which hold the furniture which [1] and [4] have been told to put together within a time limit, how well do they do?

Aoba: Do I look like someone with a body who can handle all this hard labor?

Ran: Thanks a fucking lot, pipsqueak.

Aoba: Seriously. Why can't we make Heiwajima do it?

Ran: Because he'll crush our fucking skulls?

Aoba: Oh.

Aoba: Well, if I told him you asked, then I'll both live and not have to do it.

Ran: *throws an empty box at him*

4. The furniture's together, now for dinner and a rest! [2] and [5] are designated for cooking first. What do they cook? Do they work well together? Does their cooking go down well?

Shingen: *wearing an apron, flattening dough with a rolling pin* I'm baking a cake~! Teehee~

Sheenwuh: *walks through the door, notices Shingen, and then walks back out it*

Shizuo: Um.

Shizuo just sits on the couch eating potato chips instead.

5. A few days pass and a relationship is growing between [3] and [6], is it a good one or is it a bad one? What measures are made to make their relationship blossom, or stop them from attacking each other on sight?

Erika: *talking nonstop about BL, cosplay, and anime*

Namie's internal dialogue: [shut up shut up SHUT THE FUCK UP]

Namie ends up leaving, throwing Shingen out and angrily informing Heiwajima he has a new roommate.

Shizuo is actually taken aback and does not argue.

6. A week has passed and it's time for an eviction! Someone hasn't put in their penny's worth and needs to be gotten rid of. Choose one OC, and have them say their weepy, or exuberant, goodbyes.

Ran: Good fucking riddance.

Namie: *bored voice, dull tone* I'm so sad.

Erika: Aw, maybe next time. :(

Shizuo: Do I know you?

Shingen: Do I know you either?

Aoba: I'm a student. I don't have a job. I can't pay rent. What do you expect?

7. There's a siren in the middle of the night! [1] has tried to escape with [3] as accomplice, however they are both caught, who blames whom, and what is their punishment? Do the other house-mates suffer for it?

Aoba: I'm still here?

Ran: You're still here? Great.

Namie: Why did I agree to this...?

Shingen: For money?

Everyone looked at the floor where there were several pieces of glass from the window having been broken.

Shingen: Well, if you win, you can use it to pay me back~!

Namie: Can't wait...

8. The next task appointed for them arrives in the form of a letter and a pack of bendy wires. They pick up the letter and read that housemates [2] and [4] must make a cube using the fewest number of wires possible within 30 minutes of time. Do they manage it?

Ran: What the fuck? Why?

Shizuo: Uh, nah.

9. That evening, they find alcohol in the refridgerator and a karaoke machine in the living room. However, it is incredibly hard to set up and it's instructions are in Japanese. [5] and [6] are bullied into geting it sorted. How do they get on?

Erika: *staring hard at the instructions* Well, I recognize the characters... It's just...

Shingen: Those bastards! This isn't the version I ordered!

Erika: ...this is in Chinese, not Japanese.

10. Eviction time! Eviction this time is based upon house-mates behaviour and performance in the last week, and sadly, [1] and [3]'s escape attempt has not impressed the higher hand. [1] or [3] must go, choose, and have them say goodbye.

Aoba: I thought I left 6 questions ago...?

Namie: *leaves without a second thought*

Shingen: What about my window???

Shingen looked at Aoba who merely shrugged his shoulders. Then it occrured to him...

"You two were really going to climb down from a 30 story building...?"

"The danger makes it exciting."

Namie, thinking to herself: I was thinking of just going down the fire escape, but okay.

11. Confessions Time! Having been together for two weeks, how do the house-mates feel about the others? How do they feel about the evictions? Let's listen to them now.

Erika: Kishitani-san is okay for a roommate. He's kind of odd, though...

Ran: You want to talk about being weird?

Shingen: You're okay yourself, Karisawa. A bit hard to follow, but okay.

Ran: My little rat-think of a brother is finally gone. Couldn't be better.

*phone rings*

Shingen: Hold on a moment.

Shingen: Hello?

Sheenwuh: Dad, when can I come home?

Shingen: Anytime, son.

Sheenwuh: No, I mean, when is whatever's going on over?

Shingen: Can't hear you either, son, roger. *hangs up*

Shizuo: ...

Shizuo: Do I have to be here or can I leave too?

12. [1] and [4] have become very close, and [6] is jealous and decides to confront [4] about it, what happens?

Erika: Wow, so you miss your brother after all~!

Ran: What??

Aoba: *peeks through hole in the wall* Peekaboo!

Ran: *screams*

Erika: Ah, brotherly love... I think that'll be the next BL manga theme I read about...!

Shizuo:

Shizuo: I've decided that I'm killing myself instead.

13. Their next task is to simply tidy the house, however, they have to do it blindfold, [5] cheats and [2] does nothing, such disobedience so late in the game earns them a time-out and their luxury item is taken away, how do they cope?

Shingen: Ooh~! Kinky.

Shizuo: I'm going to be next to jump out this fucking window I swear to god--

Erika: (But nobody actually jumped out the window...);

14. Due to the cheating in the previous task, the electricity in the building is cut, and the living room is locked off from them. [4] suggests a game of hide-and-seek, does anyone get injured in the dark? Does anyone take this moment to be naughty with another housemate?

Ran: Anyone wanna play Hide-and-Get-Hammered?

Shingen: Is that a drinking game, I see?

Ran: Heh.

Erika: I'm pretty that's not how it's played... or what Izumii-kun means... *she inclines her head, trying to see if Ran's holding something behind him*

15. The living room is open to them again and inside is a television, an XBOX and four Guitar Hero guitars, a not stuck on the television let's them know that it is a play-off between [3] and [6].

Who wins, and did they realise the loser would be evicted?!

Neither of the two are particularly interested in video games, but it gets pretty heated between them (Ran and Erika). Ran calls her a "fujo bitch" throughout, and Erika wins by sticking her bare foot in his lap and freaking him out, causing him to fall onto the floor (and into the loser's seat).

Ran: Yeah, whatever. Fuck this.

Erika: Well, Kishitani-san, it looks like it's just you and me.

Shingen: That it seems.

Shizuo: Uh, guys... I'm still here...

16. With only three house-mates left, tension starts to rise, [1] becomes super-competitive and starts taking over any tasks given to them. [1] accepts a task before even hearing it, and it's challenging them to sit in a bath of maggots for half an hour.

How does [1] react and do they complete the task?

Shizuo: That's fucking disgusting.

Erika: But you said you'd do anything...

Shizuo: *stares at her, eyebrow twitching*

Erika: ...OK.

17. Another Confession. Poor [2] is starting to suffer from cabin fever and is sure the others are out to get them. Let's listen to their ranting.

Shizuo: You know what? Fuck these nutjobs. *leaves*

18. The house-mates realise they are quite quickly running out of food, and find three unlabelled tins in a cupboard, with blindfolds next to them and a letter explaining that two tins are sliced peaches, one is dog-food, they must each choose a tin with their blindfolds on.

Who gets the dog-food, and evicted?

Erika: *walking in the direction of Kadota's place, smiling* Aw, I hope Dotachin's dog will like this brand...

19. The final task denotes the winner of the entire game, the final two house-mates are given an envelope, inside is the instrutions of their last task, they simply are.

"Choose."

Does this shock them? Do they choose themselves as the winner or the other? Do they give their own victory up, or are they selfish?

"Dad, I fucking live here."

"Hmm. I guess that makes both of us the victors, then?"

"Dad, why is there no food in the house?" the brunette asks, looking through the fridge. Then he looks towards the balcony and nearly screams.

"WHY IS THE WINDOW BROKEN???"

20. Now it's (quite abruptly) over, tag someone!

I will not but you can steal it. xD

#Aoba #Shingen #Erika #Namie #Ran #writing memes #I am tired goodnight

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tuanhood · 4 years

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35,000 ft

pairing: mark tuan x reader

genre: smut, angst, some fluff?, exes to lovers

warnings: 18+, language, dirty talk, cheating, oral sex (female receiving), unprotected sex, public sex (mile high club ALERT)

word count: 9,800+

summary: two years have passed since you last saw your ex-boyfriend. when you’ve thought about running into him again, it certainly wasn’t at 35,000 ft and it certainly wasn’t like this.

a/n: wow my longest one shot yet... UMMM it’s a little messy and all over the place but don’t hesitate to let me know what you think or if anyone wants to cry over the photos of Mark at home playing in the pool sMH. also i do not CONDONE cheating fyI

part 2: 125 ft

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Yes, yes, yes I’ll call you when I land…” You mumbled through the phone, half paying attention and half trying to decide which sandwich would best suit your needs.

“Okay but seriously… call me. I hate it when you’re over there enough so not getting a call freaks me out even more.”

You wanted to roll your eyes and gag, but you stopped yourself knowing that it wasn’t what a typical girlfriend would do when on the phone with her boyfriend. You two were supposed to still be in the honeymoon phase, not the “he gives me the ick” phase already.

Then again, you had never even been in the “he gives me the ick” phase before. Yay for new experiences you guessed.

“Brian, it’s so fine. It’s one of the safest cities in the world, I’ve been so many times I don’t even need a map to tell me where I’m going.”

“I hope you still do though… Use a map. I don’t want you to get lost and I know that’s easy to do in those modern, technologically advanced smart cities.”

Being with Brian sometimes felt like there wasn’t even a fourth wave of feminism.

You weren’t sure why you were sticking around. Part of you felt pressured because you hadn’t had any actual relationships in… well awhile and your mom was constantly asking when you were finally going to get a ring on your finger and give her a grandchild.

Judging by all the outside influences that were currently controlling your life, it felt like maybe there isn’t a fourth wave of feminism. You were setting everyone back just based on your own sad life. Maybe it was best to just dump Brian and go back to your hook up days, the year and a half before him that was just endless amounts of sex with random guys trying to fix a piece of you that would never be put back together.

“Y/n? Are you still there?”

“Yup, still here Brian.”

Even after being together for almost 6 months you couldn’t bring it in you to call him something besides his name. It was always Brian this, Brian that. Calling him a pet name made you cringe.

Yeah… Maybe it was definitely time to break up with him.

“Listen… I should go. I want to get something to eat before they start boarding since it’s a long one and all.”

But you’ll just do it later.

“Okay… sounds good. Get a small sandwich or something so you’ll feel full enough before they actually feed you on the plane.”

Suddenly you didn’t want a sandwich.

“Got it… Bye.”

“Love you, bye.”

You hear a noise letting you know the call has been disconnected and drop your hand, gripping the device at your side.

That was another thing. Brian had told you only 3 months of dating that he loved you – to which you had responded with “oh wow… that’s- that’s… so nice of you.” Being the nice guy, he was completely fine with you not saying it back, because he felt so sure that one day you would. He understood that you had issues with a past relationship that you weren’t quite ready to let go of yet, therefore your heart wasn’t completely available. He felt with time you would give in and love him too.

As of now you weren’t too sure… Especially if you did end up breaking up with him. At a later date and time of course. Maybe when you came back?

Your mind went blank as you looked at the shelves of the poorly made airport food in front of you. The sandwiches that had once looked good and enticing suddenly lost their luster and the last thing you wanted to do was waste money on one. Sighing, you glanced back down at the phone in your hand. The object felt more like a heavy weight and a burden rather than just a phone. It wasn’t due to work or family; it was just all because of Brian.

You’re startled when your phone comes to life once again under your gaze, buzzing softly.

Brian. Remember don’t forget to text me when you board!

It was like he had a sixth sense for whenever you were thinking of him. And to be honest it wasn’t that often.

A couple of weeks ago you were out to lunch with a few friends from college and when updating those who you hadn’t seen in a while on the goings-on of your life, you had at first redacted the fact that you had a boyfriend completely.

“Anyone romantic in your life?” Your friend Alice had asked you.

Without thinking you had begun telling her how he was in game design and was from LA just like you, but soon cut yourself off before you could talk about how cute his dog was. That’s when you realized you weren’t talking about Brian. Brian was in fucking accounting, not game design and was 100% allergic to any kind of animal. When your friend asked about your love life, you had him in mind and not Brian even though so much time had gone by.

You were starting to believe that you weren’t ready for a relationship at all.

Sighing, you figured that maybe chips would be a better and less smelly option for the plane ride. Knowing yourself you would probably dig into them within the first thirty minutes of the thirteen-hour trip.

You whip around to find wherever your newly desired snack choice could be when you catch a glimpse of someone out of the corner of your eye. The goosebumps that make their way to the surface of your skin and the hair on the back of your neck standing up so eagerly causes your entire body to freeze with fear. There was only one person who made you feel this way, one person who made your blood run cold. The person you had just indirectly been thinking of.

No, no it couldn’t be.

You’re afraid to turn around, because more than anything you don’t want to be right. If you felt stressed thinking about Brian, you were going to have a panic attack from seeing him. Pivoting yourself to the left, you bite your lip anxiously unsure of how you’re supposed to react if you are right. Taking in the sight behind you, you’re met with a father and daughter selecting candy from the shelves of the store. The individual causing your anxiety nowhere in sight. Your entire body relaxes.

The last thing you wanted was a fiasco in the international terminal at LAX. It certainly wouldn’t do you, your family and your company any good to make headlines. It especially wouldn’t have made Brian happy; he probably would have called you a hundred times in worry.

“I can’t fucking believe it.”

And just like that you’re snapped out of your daze, your false security vanished, goosebumps emerging once again. This time there were no questions. That voice. It was him.

Turning back around you find yourself under the gaze of your ex-boyfriend. Your ex-boyfriend who you haven’t seen in over two years.

You wish you could say that time hadn’t been good to Mark, but that would be a bold-faced lie. He had somehow become even more attractive in the last two years and the only real thing that seemed different about him was his hair color. The last time you had seen him he had been blonde, but now he had opted for a dark brown color. As much as you hated thinking it, it definitely suited him.

The last two years felt like a long blur of trying to forget him and everything or everyone associated with him. Those were of course difficult things to do, many of the people in your shared three-year life with Mark becoming some of your closest allies and the fact that Mark wasn’t an easy person to erase. Since the two of you met – even when you were just friends – you had a magnetic like pull to one another that couldn’t just be forgotten and dismissed. You were even feeling it right now after everything.

He’s wearing a tight smile, almost as if he too can’t believe you’re standing here in front of him. It was as though you were the one inconveniencing him, when he had been the one to even say something to you. If you had seen him first, you would have turned around and ran the other way pretending like it never happened. For some reason he was willing to acknowledge you.

“I didn’t think I’d see you here,” his tight smile soon fades away and his voice is smooth as ice, a nonchalance to it that makes you question whether he even cares about this run in.

“Me either. Good to see you… Now if you’ll excuse me…” You replied pushing past him to continue your previous task of looking for chips. Much to your dislike, he follows you as you embark on one of the aisles, your eyes scanning the items placed out oh so carefully.

“Aren’t you going to ask me how I’ve been? What I’ve been up to?”

The last you had heard of Mark was that he had moved to Beijing after being given a position at a video game development company. At first you had been surprised at Mark taking a job overseas, he had always expressed to you how even over his own dead body he would never leave LA, but ultimately him in China relieved you. No longer did you have to avoid your favorite spots in the city for boba or the park bench where you got most of you best thinking done. You didn’t even have to be worried about getting invited to a party or dinner with a friend, wondering if Mark was going to show up. With Mark gone you could freely have your life back and not walk around with the fear of running into him. But you guessed that it could only have lasted so long before fate – as cruel as she was – brought you two together again.

“No that’s okay. I’m good,” you go down another aisle, he still follows suit.

Where were those damn chips?

“If you’re looking for the chips, they’re over there,” he said pointing behind you to the back wall in a location that you should have noticed sooner, “and if you want your favorite brand of salt & vinegar chips, they’re on the bottom shelf.”

Your stomach churned, he thought after all this time he would be able to still just know you like the back of his hand? What snack you’re looking for? What chips you like? No way.

Wordlessly you march to the back and stare at the shelves in front of you. You felt your hand dangerously moving forward to the bottom to grab the salt & vinegar chips Mark mentioned, but you control yourself and pull back not wanting to give him the satisfaction. Instead you opt for plainly salted kettle chips.

“Thanks… you’ve been a big help. See you never,” you scoffed turning around to face him and pushing past him to pay for your item, leaving Mark in the dust behind you.

“What you’re not going to even pretend that it’s nice to see me?”

“What the fuck do you want me to say?” you practically spat at him, the father and daughter from earlier staring at the two you, the father particularly appalled for your colorful choice of language.

Mark’s silent and you turn back to the self-checkout to scan your chips, hopeful to not think about your ex-boyfriend for the next thirteen hours. He watches you carefully as you take out your wallet to pay and tap your card against the reader. It isn’t difficult for him to sense the tension in your body, he can see it just from you performing the simple and mundane task of paying. The worst part is that he knows he’s the cause.

Grabbing your snack, you exit the small store and Mark follows you, grabbing your wrist, he tries again, “you could say something nice? Like you care? It’s been two years y/n… Can’t we just be normal people with each other?”

At this you feel something in you snap, “I don’t care how much time has fucking passed Mark… I’m never going to get over you just completely throwing our relationship out the window. I can’t believe I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with you… I was so fucking dumb to think you cared about me for even one minute. So, to answer your question… no we can’t just be normal people with each other. We were never normal people with each other to begin with.”

The two of you had started off as friends, just friends. It was something new for Mark, being just friends with a girl and not having sex attached. Many people in your life warned you not to get close to him, that he was just a fuckboy who didn’t care about the emotional – it was only the physical with him. Ultimately you ignored him, becoming his friend and finding that you two just worked together. First you worked together as friends and soon you fell under his Mark Tuan spell, working together as lovers.

Throughout your entire relationship you did your best to trust Mark, which you accomplished for the most part, but in the back of your head you would constantly hear the voices of everyone around you. You would hear the stories of the girls he had before you and how terribly he treated them, but you ignored it all. After a while you started to think of it all a little less, people even congratulating you on lasting so long with Mark – something that tended to annoy you. You knew that they didn’t see the Mark that you knew, the Mark that wanted to be something else for you, the best for you. Then after three years together, almost a month after your anniversary, you found out he had been with someone else.

The old Mark had perhaps never truly vanished, but was just immensely good at hiding.

Now here you were in front of him and you couldn’t tell who this Mark was.

Mark scoffed, “you haven’t changed at all…” Now he was mad at you? “It’s probably better we just say goodbye here.”

You rolled your eyes, “That’s what I’ve been trying to do this whole time.”

He wanted to say more, but looking at how annoyed you were at merely being close to him, he let it go. It was hard for him to understand how he was feeling. He longed for you, but he also felt a lot of anger towards you that he wasn’t sure how to control.

Both of you stare at one another, neither of you wanting to be the first one to walk off. Without a word, you both collect yourselves and assumedly prepare to embark on your respective gates. Mark gives you a final glance with his fists now clenched in frustration and turns to walk toward his flight.

You realize he’s going the same direction as you and you follow awkwardly behind. After a moment – as if he can sense you’re still there – he turns around and scowls at you.

“Why are you following me?”

You snorted, the actual audacity of Mark Tuan. This is an airport for fuckssake, you can’t control where your flight is, “as if I would ever follow you! I’m going to my gate! I think the better question is why are you following me?”

“I’m going to my gate!”

“Okay!” You yell a little too loud, “Okay!” he repeated, matching your volume. You can sense that people are starting to stare at the two of you for your truly unprompted yelling.

Mark looks back at you once again, rolling his eyes. The two of you may have gates in the same area, but you can’t stand to look at him any longer – much less his back which you couldn’t help but notice has become much broader. Not that you would admit it to him… or anyone.

You pick up your pace, passing Mark and causing him to trail behind. You expect him to say some snarky remark or rude comment when you go in front of him, but instead all you hear is an annoyed groan. It’s when you finally reach your gate and sit down in the waiting area that you feel Mark is no longer right behind you, but instead frozen in the main concourse, in front of the space you’re seated in. He feels his mouth go dry and he wants to scream. All he wants is to just be rid of you, to not be forced to think of you when you’re right in front of him. He wanted to wipe his brain clean.

It suddenly dawns you on the reason why Mark is frozen as if he can’t comprehend what he’s seeing. You stand up abruptly, “this can’t be happening.”

He snaps out of his trance with your words and comes closer to the gate, approaching where you’re seated. You’re just about to wave your hands, warning him not to come any closer when he huffs and sits down on a chair only few away from your own.

“You’re going to Seoul?” He says it as if you being allowed in the Korean peninsula is a disgusting idea.

“I’ve been traveling between LA and Seoul every 2 months for the last year and a half, so yes I am. Aren’t you supposed to be going to Beijing or something?”

He smirked, “I thought you didn’t care about what I was up to?”

“I only care if it assures that you’re as far away from me as humanely possible.”

Your ex looks at his watch and at the screen of the gate alerting passengers that boarding would begin in a few minutes, “well since you’re so curious. I didn’t like Beijing, so I found a job in Seoul that I like much better.

“Didn’t want to come back to LA?”

He looks back to you and you almost wish he hadn’t, “there’s not really a lot left in LA for me anymore.”

Both of you stare at one another for a moment, and you feel your stomach flip. Does he mean what I think he means? Your eyes drift down to your lap and you feel yourself pulling out your phone, not needing any more Mark.

You manage to pass 10 minutes this way, aimlessly refreshing your emails and ignoring Brian’s latest text asking if you’ve boarded yet. Being so engrossed in your phone, you didn’t even notice Mark’s constant glances up at you, wondering what you were looking at or who you were talking to.

There it is again, he thought to himself, Do I care? Do I not care? What the fuck, make up your mind dude.

When the call for First-Class boarding comes to your dismay, both you and Mark stand up. You try to just tell yourself that it’s not important, you would probably both be seated aisles apart, not having to spend any more unwarranted time together.

Even when you’re finally on the plane and find yourself behind him once again in the aisle, you tell yourself that this will be the last moment you have to see Mark Tuan.

“Here’s your seat sir, can I get you any drinks or snacks before take-off?” the flight attendant asked Mark when she shows him his seat. He gives this shit eating grin that makes you want to slap it off his face, you couldn’t believe he was doing this in front of you. What? Did he think he was going to get to fuck the flight attendant as an extra First-Class amenity?

“Ah no thank you, I’m fine for now, but I’ll let you know if anything changes,” you feel awkward standing in the aisle watching this unfold, especially since you can see the attendant is giving in, blush creeping up on her face from Mark’s smooth gaze. You clear your throat, reminding her that you too are there and she quickly turns to you, an apologetic look on her face.

“And here's your seat Miss,” she graciously steps back to let you slide into your seat and you don’t move.

This had to be a joke.

You looked from your seat, to Mark’s and then to the flight attendant.

“I can’t sit here... I’m sorry but there has to be another seat available.”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but there are no other openings in First Class. We only have seats available back in economy.”

This couldn’t be happening. You had been saving all of your miles for a First-Class upgrade for forever, there was no way you were going to give it up, “Mark move to coach.”

“Huh? Are you joking? My company paid for this; I’m not moving back there! You move!”

How were you supposed to sit in front of Mark Tuan for the next thirteen hours? The man who had loved you so deeply, but also caused you the most pain.

Just as people had stared at the two of you in the terminal, the other passengers in your surrounding area were also beginning to look. Maybe if the two of you got into one of your notorious screaming matches, someone would feel bad enough and offer to trade. You couldn’t do that to someone, you wouldn’t wish being stuck next to Mark Tuan on a long-haul flight on your worst enemy. Well… Mark was your worst enemy.

Smiling, you turn back to the flight attendant, “It’s fine… I’ll just stay here. Thank you though.” She gives you a smile, but you can sense some annoyance behind her eyes. You can’t blame her.

Mark looks at you wide eyed, previously caught up in organizing his space, but snapping out his activities when he hears your dismissal about moving seats, “uh… what are you doing? Are you seriously going to sit here?”

“Yes Mark. Unlike you, I paid for my seat so I’m not moving anywhere.”

He scoffed, “Fine.”

“Fine!”

hour one

“Ma’am could you tell the gentleman in 3A to stop chewing so loudly?” You asked the flight attendant, putting on the sweetest voice possible. Mark was driving you up the wall and you were only an hour into the flight.

It was almost as though you could hear every single cough, every shifting in his seat and it was all driving you up the wall. Just knowing he was there irked you.

The flight attendant looks clueless and as she opens her mouth slowly, unsure of how to respond. You hear Mark’s low voice grumble from behind you, also addressing the attendant, “uh ma’am can you tell the lady in 2A to mind her own business, pop a xanny and just go to sleep?”

She clearly wasn’t expecting to deal with any difficult passengers this early on in a thirteen-hour flight. For her sake you wish you could deal with Mark and be more civil, but that clearly wasn’t going to happen.

hour three

“Y/n…”

Be strong, you tell yourself, don’t look back, you can get through this.

“Y/n?”

It’s probably not important… He just wants to annoy you.

“Y/n!”

Screw being strong.

“What the fuck do you want?” Being in semi-pods in First-Class it was difficult to just whip around and face Mark, to show him your annoyance under the lights beginning to dim.

“Do you have any extra AirPods?”

“Why the fuck would I just carry around extra Airpods around with me? Are you an idiot?” You sneered.

“Jesus Christ I was just asking. You don’t have to be so vicious. Maybe someone should fuck the tension out of you,” he said, mumbling the last part. He says it so quietly and so half assed that you almost think that you misheard him.

“Choke on a dick Mark,” you replied quietly, not wanting the other passengers to hear or disturb the few who had already drifted asleep.

He scoffed, “maybe you should be.”

You were wrong, the Mark that you had reunited with was just the same old fuckboy Mark who didn’t give a fuck about anyone.

Placing your AirPods in your ears, you close your eyes and ignore the rest of Mark’s efforts to speak to you, just wanting nothing more than to fall asleep and wake up in your hotel room in Seoul.

hour seven

You pop your headphones out of your ears in frustration, feeling as though you hadn’t managed to get any real sleep during the hours that had passed. You look behind you to Mark’s seat, and feel relieved to see his eyes closed and a slow, shallow breath coming from his mouth.

It felt weird to gaze at Mark and know you were no longer apart of his life. Sure, it had been two years, but you hadn’t seen him or had to deal with the reality that there was now a separate you and a separate Mark. Two entities that had nothing to do with one another anymore. Although sometimes it felt like you were still anchored to him.

Suddenly he shifted over onto his side, mumbling incoherent words in his sleep. The only thing you could make out was your own name. It made you feel uncomfortable, not because he was clearly dreaming about you, but you felt as though you were invading his private space, infiltrating an intimate moment.

“y/n… please…” he mumbled.

You felt like you’d heard enough. The flight was making you restless and you weren’t sure what you would do if you kept listening to Mark’s breathless calls for you. Standing up, you decide it’s probably best now to stretch and go to the bathroom, before you embark on your further slumber.

When you finish up in the bathroom, you almost have a heart attack pulling back the door to be met with Mark’s tall figure.

“Oh my god you scared me,” you said placing your hand on your chest. You shake your head, stepping out of the bathroom with the door closing firmly behind you. Attempting to go back to your seat, you position yourself to move past him, but he moves along with you to keep you from leaving.

“What are you doing?”

Mark doesn’t know what’s taken over him, he had woken up in a frenzy, his dreams not doing anything to help his mental state. He hadn’t dreamt about you in months, but of course as soon as you’re back in his life he has to have fantasies of you wrapped around him once again. It was torturous, especially with you only a few feet away from him. He dreamed about having you every way and any way, feeling like he was going crazy. When he saw you missing from your seat, he immediately got up almost as if in a sleep induced haze unable to control his actions.

"When are you going to stop pretending that you don’t want to be under me again?” he purred.

Your blood goes cold. Was he drunk? His words make you nervous, scared that someone could hear, but looking around the dark cabin it seemed as though everyone in First-Class was fast asleep.

“Mark…” you begin, your tone clearly frustrated, but also weakening a bit, clearly evident that his words are affecting you. It had been so long since someone talked to you like this, and you felt that the hours you had spent on the plane already altering your sanity.

“You were always such a good girl for me, what changed? When did you become so stubborn? What happened to my girl who was always so willing and sweet?”

“I was screwed over by an asshole, that’s what happened,” you mumbled trying to avert his gaze and prayed that maybe if you weren’t to look at him you could pretend that there wasn’t a part of you hanging on his every word.

“That was in the past. I’ve changed now… But I’m still your boy. Even after two fucking years, I’m still yours.”

You want to fight with him, say that if he was always your boy and still is then he would have never cheated on you. He would have never spent a night with someone else.

“Let me fuck the anger out of you.”

“What?” Okay he had to be drunk.

“You and I have too much sexual tension, and we’re both angry so let’s just fuck to relieve the tension.”

“You’ve said some pretty fucking dumb things before, but this is… this is…” you drift unsure of what exactly you think it is.

“A good idea?”

“Mark I’m not having sex with you in an airplane bathroom.”

“What? Like that’s bothered you before?”

When you were with Mark, the two of you would have sex in the riskiest places, so you weren’t a stranger to the kind of sex where you could be caught at any moment, but you had never joined the mile-high club before.

“We’re not together. I hate you and you hate me… for some reason.” You never understood why exactly Mark had been mad at you all of these years and acted as though you were the devil himself when he had been the one that ruined the two of you. Maybe it was because you hadn’t given him a second chance? Maybe it was from the influence of you hating him? Or maybe it was because you had never been enough for him, otherwise what would have caused him to spend the night with another woman?

Mark clicked his tongue and it causes you to bring your attention to his mouth. It almost makes you lose focus completely. “So what if we’re not together anymore? Does that matter?”

Does that matter?

His words make you remember something. Something very important.

Brian.

“Yes, it matters. I-I have a boyfriend,” for some reason the word “boyfriend” seems to be hard to get out. It was always weird to associate Brian as your boyfriend or your “partner,” but saying it to Mark felt like the weight of a ton of bricks.

In the dark lighting of the cabin you can just make out the frown that spreads across Mark’s face. Just as quickly as it appears, it’s gone and the cocky façade is back.

“And that’s a problem?” your ex asked.

As you’re about to protest and tell him that commitment in relationships is important to you, Mark reaches his hand out to rest on your bare shoulder, running it softly up and down your arms in a soothing pattern. It was a common gesture between the two of you, something Mark would constantly do whenever you were telling a story or the times you would fall asleep at night. It puts you at ease and you feel yourself close your eyes at his touch.

Mark would be lying if he said the word “boyfriend” coming out of your mouth didn’t disappoint him. In fact, he felt a similar pain to the one he felt two years ago when you had broken up with him. Mark wasn’t daft, he knew what you thought of him – a player, a fuckboy and someone who never cared about you in the first place. It hurt him to know that you were just like everyone else around him who had a preconceived notion of who he was or what he did. At one point in time he thought you were different.

But now looking at you and having you back in his life – even for only a thirteen-hour plane ride, he just wanted you back in his arms, back under his touch. He knew he should have felt guilty for not giving one fuck about this “boyfriend” you had acquired at some point during your two years apart, but he didn’t care. If he was going to have to be that cocky fuckboy who paid no mind to any consequences to get you, then so be it.

“Come on… it’s been two years… let me feel that pussy that I’ve missed so so much,” he whispered seductively against the shell of your ear, “let me fuck into it so good, because I know no one’s filled it up so well since me. Especially not that boyfriend.”

His words cause you to moan involuntarily and the noise awakens both you and him. You immediately shoot your hand up to cover your mouth, unsure of what’s getting into you. You were supposed to hate Mark, you had spent the last two years training yourself to hate him just in case a moment like this were ever to arise. But maybe that was an easier thing to imagine when you hadn’t seen him, because now with his hands gently caressing you and his request to be inside of you once again, you feel anything but hate. You feel want.

“Fuck Mark…”

“Just say the word baby, and you have me,” he whispered, delicately placing an open mouth kiss on your wrist, slowly continuing up your arm.

What were the pros and cons of this? If you were in any other difficult situation you would take a pause and list all of the good and bad things that could come from this. The big con was Brian… Even if you had been feeling strange about where your relationship with him was going and found him to be suffocating, you couldn’t do to him what Mark had done to you. Another negative factor emerged in your mind… you didn’t want to be put under Mark’s spell again, you couldn’t. Even being this close to him made you feel things that you had been trying to forget for two years, sleeping with him after all this time would only make it worse. That worried you. But judging on the primal way your body was reacting to Mark – your wet core being a clear sign – you knew this wasn’t going to be a logical decision where the cons outweigh the pros.

“I-” you’re about to do it, you’re about to gain enough strength to tell him you don’t want him anymore, but when he pushes your hair away from where it lays on your shoulder and attaches his lips to the side of your neck, any willpower you had vanishing. His gentle sucking on the sweet spot of your neck that he knows oh too well causes you to let out a whimper and he smiles against your skin, knowing he has you.

“Do it,” you mumbled, eyes still closed.

Mark brings his lips back to your ear, “do what baby?” His cocky tone makes you want to roll you eyes. He had always done this – torture you until you were begging to feel his touch.

You open your eyes and give yourself a moment to readjust to the dark lighting of the plane and focus on Mark’s face in the small space in front of the bathroom. You want to see his gaze when you make your non-logical decision.

“Fuck me.”

The corner of his mouth turns upwards as he brings his arm forward and behind you to pull open the bathroom door, pushing you backwards into the cramped space.

It’s when he’s pressed up against you and locks the door behind him that the reality of what you’re doing sets in. Just as you feel yourself get used to the harsh lighting, you freeze at Mark’s intense stare.

“What are you looking at?” You asked.

He smiled and glanced down at the floor shyly, then back up at you, “You.”

For the first time since seeing him again at the airport store you feel those feelings in your stomach. No hate, no indifference and no bitterness towards Mark - not even just lust. Instead you felt a warmth for him that reminded you of the good days, not the bad ones. The swell in your heart worried you and you didn’t want to feel or dwell on it so you lean forward and kiss him.

Mark’s lips on yours doesn’t do anything to eliminate the softness you felt for him moments before, if anything it only intensifies it. It feels as though no time has passed for the two of you and the missing piece of the puzzle that you had been searching for has finally found its way back to you.

A low growl comes from Mark’s throat and it sends your hands to find shelter in his hair. When you were together you had always had a weird thing for Mark’s hair. You loved running your fingers through it, gently massaging his scalp and tugging at the roots. Mark would always joke that you would probably break up with him if he ever shaved his head, which you didn’t exactly argue with. And now it just felt so good to have your hands where they belong. It’s almost as though Mark’s read your mind and he smiles against you lips when he feels your hands, “pull as hard as you want.”

You feel his tongue at the seam of your lips, urging itself through to deepen the kiss and you tell yourself that it’s not too late, this can be the moment that you opt out for what a mistake this would be. With his hands drifting down from your hips to your ass, you feel yourself part your mouth voluntarily, realizing that you don’t want to stop this. You want to make this mistake; you want nothing more than to let him feel you and taste you even more.

“I want to taste you so bad,” Mark whispered against your lips, “see if you taste as good as I remember.”

You want that more than anything. Mark had always been so good with his tongue and just thinking about the hours he had spent between your thighs in the past made you even wetter than when you were having sex with Brian. Judging however, on the space you were both in, you didn’t know if it was physically possible. He can sense your hesitancy by the way your lips begin to still against his.

He breaks apart from you and gently rubs his thumb along your jawline and lips, “don’t think too much.” In an instant Mark’s crouched down in the very small space in the bathroom and you immediately find yourself worried about his comfort level, “are you sure you’re okay?”

He looked up at you, a dark look in his eyes and waved you off, “don’t worry about me babe, I’m about to have the best meal of my life.” At the end of his sentence he reaches up to the hem of your leggings and pulls them, along with your panties down in one sweep, pushing them aside. You’re almost surprised at his loftiness, but you remind yourself that it’s Mark. He moves a hand around to the back of your knee, hoisting one of your legs up onto the closed toilet seat, pushing the rest of your body up against the small sink counter. Although the space was already limited as it was, the position brought your core closer to his face and as you looked down to see the way his tongue stroked across his lips, you felt yourself already get lightheaded.

He began with leaving open mouth kisses along the inside of your lifted thigh and another on the top of your pubic mound. It was enough to make you feel shaky, as though the one leg that was supporting your weight would give out at any moment. You found yourself unfazed, you knew Mark would be there to catch you if you fell.

Mark leaned in further, his tongue delving between you folds to gather up as much of your wetness as he could, giving you a noisy taste that had him groaning, head pulling back and licking his lips after his first taste in two years.

“You taste even better than I remember, how the fuck could you get sweeter? I don’t even want to go back to my seat after tasting you, I could sit in this bathroom with my mouth on you till the end of the flight.”

You found yourself wanting nothing more than to be stuck in this crammed bathroom with Mark for as long as you both could get away with. The person who was contemplating whether or not this was a bad idea didn’t even exist to you anymore. One lap of his tongue on you and you were reminded of all the ways he could make you fall apart.

He tongued your clit slowly at first, every stroke almost teasing – as if he was making up for the years you two spent a part. His tongue would slip lower, working its way along your gushing entrance to remind you how much he relished your flavor before returning to your clit, the wet sounds of Mark’s sucking not even embarrassing to you. It was when Mark began to groan against you and swirl his tongue and suck that you felt your hands go back to his hair, roughly pulling him closer.

“Mark, I-I can’t… I’m gonna – fuck,” you moaned out unable to form a functional and coherent thought. As you feel your orgasm on the horizon and just around the corner, you tug at Mark’s roots further, which encourages him to pick up the pace of his tongue, wanting you to cum on his face just like you had many times before. He wanted to drive you to the brink of pleasure, but he also wanted to prove to himself that he could still bring you to the edge with just his tongue.

Any delicacy he had been exhibiting before is completely gone, the way he laps at your clit and swirls his tongue around your sensitive bundle of nerves causes your chest to heave and sweat on your brow. You’re so caught up in Mark that you barely notice your foot beginning to slip from its security on the toilet. Mark swiftly acknowledges your pending loss of balance and tugs the leg up onto his shoulder, not removing himself from you for even a moment.

You could feel yourself twitch and the arching of your hips towards his face, “come on baby I know how close you are, I need you to cum for me. Cum for me like all the times before, all over my face. I want it so bad.”

Mark’s muffled words against you and the final groans he emits from how much he loves your taste is the last straw as you finally let go and the waves of release crash over you. He doesn’t give way as you buck yourself further into him one final time, his back practically hitting the wall of the bathroom. Your body comes down from your climax and you look to see Mark gratefully clean up the release he caused. When he takes his mouth away, you feel your core wavering against the emptiness and loss of warmth it had felt, almost as though it wanted Mark to be a permanent attachment to you. You’re breathless, head falling back to the mirror behind you as Mark stands up, wiping the back of his mouth and jawline which had become messy and shiny with your juices.

“I knew you were still my little slut,” he pushes the hair that had fallen in front of your face behind you, “letting me have you in a fucking bathroom at 35,000 feet. How else will you let me have you?” He asked attaching his lips back to that spot on your neck.

It dawns on you that there’s no winning. You once again are completely under the spell and at the mercy of Mark Tuan, willing to let him do whatever he wants to you. “M-Mark whatever you want.” At your response he simply smirked, quickly pulling his joggers and boxers down, his painfully hard cock slapping against his lower stomach.

“Fuck I’ve been waiting so long to have you around me again. I never thought I would, and I’m going to make every second count.”

He positions himself in between your legs, gripping your hips and pauses for a moment, clearly contemplating something. Mark hadn’t planned on having sex on the plane, nor did he plan on even seeing you again.

“Mark if it’s about the condom, it’s fine… I don’t care, I’m still on the pill and I-I trust you.”

At your trust in him, something he had so deeply been wanting all these years, he doesn’t hesitant another moment at placing himself at your entrance. His teasingly slow rubbing against your slit causes you to let out almost a growl at how much you needed him to be inside of you.

“How much do you want it y/n?”

“So bad.”

He pushes into you suddenly, “you’re still my cockslut, huh?” The feeling is too good and too great to answer him, but he’s not satisfied with your nonresponse.

“Answer me.” He sunk himself inside of you further and you do your best to let out the smallest and most inaudible “yes” you’ve ever heard, which thankfully seems to be enough for him.

“God,” he groaned, “you’re still so tight.” He looks down at the space where your bodies meet, fixating his gaze at the visual of his cock slipping inside your sensitive and swollen folds. Mark waited for a moment for your pussy to get used to having him inside you again, to get reintroduced to his length and girth which it had been so accustomed to in the past. Despite the time that had passed, you felt no discomfort except for the mental discomfort in your head that just wanted him to fuck into you quickly and harshly.

“Taking me so well, squeezing every inch of me. This pussy knows who it belongs to, who it deserves to be fucked by.”

“M-Mark,” a final moan of his name is all it takes for him to begin his first real thrust into you, pulling himself out almost entirely. You feel so sensitive and overworked from your earlier orgasm that you aren’t sure how long you can last with the way your walls are clenching around Mark.

His pace soon became brutal and you’re thankful the loud sound of the engine could cover up the whimpers coming from your mouth and the sounds of skin slapping against skin. Mark’s fingers press into your hips so firmly that you know there will be bruises that you’ll have to explain later, but for now the only thing you can focus on is how full Mark is making you feel. He removes his hand from your side and brings it down between the two of you, fixating on your clit, rubbing until it ached. It caused your body to clench on him further, the continual touch and his fucking into you making you roll your eyes into the back of your head.

Mark groaned at how snug you felt and how deep you were taking him, his head falling into the crook of your neck and against the bathroom mirror, “whose are you?”

You know what he wants you to say, but you don’t know if it’s the right thing to do, even in the heat of the moment. It could lead to misunderstandings and a more complex outcome than just that of having sex with him in a fucking airplane bathroom.

“Whose are you?” He repeated, this time a little bit softer and removing his head from your shoulder to look at you with worrisome eyes. Mark knows that if you say you’re his it’d most likely be untrue, but he doesn’t care. He just wants to hear it one more time, even if it’s a complete and utter lie. He wants to know he has you, even if it’s for this one moment.

“Yours, I’m all yours,” you breathe out. It comes out on its own, without any time for you to process or comprehend what you’re saying. It surprises you so much that you aren’t even sure if it’s a lie or not.

That’s all he needed and he thrusts into you even harder, hitting the spot inside of you that makes you want to completely fall apart and combust. You’re too caught up in the pleasure of him ramming into you that you don’t even feel the pain that comes with your backside being continually pushed into small counter of the sink.

“Cum for me baby, I’m close and I need us to do this together. It’s all I want,” Mark said. His tone perplexes you. It’s forceful and authoritative something that you were no stranger to when it came to sex with Mark, but there was a clear tenderness to it that had you second guessing everything. Maybe this wasn’t just sex.

It’s one more strum of his cock against your g-spot and the pinching of your clit with his thumb and index finger that has you climaxing around him. The almost violent pulse from your pussy around him due to your orgasm has Mark following close behind, spilling himself deep inside of you. The ecstasy coursing through you causes your entire body to shake and twitch, wanting to collapse completely onto the bathroom floor. You fall against Mark’s body and in his own exhausted state he holds you close, protectively wrapping his arms around you making you feel secure.

You should want to get out of the situation immediately as a one-time thing, but somehow you can’t bring it in you to remove yourself from his grasp. You felt at home with Mark’s arms around you and him still inside of you. It was a comfort a sense of normalcy you hadn’t felt with anyone since Mark. He softly strokes your hair, placing gentle kisses on the top of your head remembering how much you liked it after a tiring session of sex.

It feels as though no time has passed, but soon you find yourself out of Mark’s hold. He removes his now soft cock from you and you can feel yours and his cum leaking from your core, down to your thighs. It’s almost as though this movement has finally woken you up. You delicately collapse onto the toilet, making sure to take extra care with your now jelly-like legs. With your head in your hands in disbelief at the actions you had just willingly followed through on, Mark stares at you.

“Fuck… I’m so mad at myself.”

With the small amount of space, he has, Mark shifts his weight from one foot to the other, “why? That was so fucking great.”

You looked up at him in a scolding manner, he still had no perception of reality, but apparently now you were one and the same. “Because now I did the same thing to Brian that you did to me.”

There’s a pause and Mark avoids all eye contact with you. He had imagined this talk so many times – the talk the two of you never got to have and he really didn’t want it to be here, like this. But by some strike of luck, fate had brought you back to him, even for a short period of time and he may never get the opportunity to come clean again.

Choosing to continue to avert your gaze, Mark sighs deeply and busies himself with pulling up his joggers.

“I didn’t cheat on you.”

You feel like ice and your whole body goes numb, “W-what?”

He sighs again, looking down, “I never cheated on you.”

You think there’s no way you could have heard him correctly. Your entire break up, the reason you ended your passionate love story with the one person you saw a future with came from his cheating. It couldn’t be a lie… Could it?

One thing was for certain, you knew Mark so well and judging by the fidgeting and fiddling with his fingers you can tell you still do. And he was telling the truth. Your stomach flipped.

“Then why did you let me believe that you did?”

“You were the only person in my life who didn’t believe all those stupid rumors about me, the only person who didn’t believe I was a fuckboy like everyone thought… but then the moment someone tells you they think they saw me with someone, you pack your bags. I figured you wouldn’t believe me, just like everyone else.”

It’s ridiculous. The words coming out of his mouth are ridiculous, but part of you understands what he’s saying. Maybe you had been too quick to judge, too quick to believe everyone else’s preconceived notions regarding your own boyfriend, but what were you supposed to do when he didn’t even defend himself?

“You know… even after all this time, I still don’t know why I hated you. I really don’t know if it was because I thought you cheated or because you never went after me when I left.”

Mark’s silent, and the weight of the situation continues to hit the two of you like a bus. Part of you feels betrayed by him. More betrayal then when you first heard the rumors. The two of you could have been together this whole time, saved each other from years of pain, sorrow and longing, but instead it’s almost as though he forced it upon you both.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. Jesus fuck Mark we’re not Marianne and Connell from Normal People, we can talk to each other.”

He furrowed his eyebrows, “Who?”

“I’ve been watching a lot of TV since we broke up.”

There’s another silence between the two of you and in the small space it feels deafening and suffocating. You want nothing more than to go back to your seat and forget this even happened. Weirdly enough, the sex part you were fine with. It was this conversation that left you feeling like you couldn’t get a proper breath of air into your lungs, almost as if you were drowning.

You take a piece of toilet paper from the roll beside you and use it to attempt to clean up the mess that had already begun drying on your legs. Mark watches you mindlessly, unsure of what to say himself. He knows he made a mistake from not telling you and effectively keeping the two of you apart, but every time he would reach for the phone to dial your number he would be reminded of the pain he felt and all the things you had called him that day.

Everyone was right! Why didn’t I just fucking listen to them? Does a three year relationship mean nothing to you? I thought you changed… were different… but now I just feel like I wasted my time.

“I-I really don’t know what to say if I’m honest,” you finally stuttered out, grabbing your discarded leggings and pulling them on, “did you want me to leave you?”

Mark shakes his head vigorously, completely taken aback at you even thinking that, “no... Not at all... I just- it was complicated.”

“Right and you don’t do complicated. Got it.” You stand up and move to unlock the door, but Mark moves in front of you as he did earlier.

“Y/n... Can we just talk about this? When we land can we just go to a cafe and talk about everything? I still- I mean... even after all this time I-” He begins, but you’re too scared to hear him finish the sentence.

“Mark we’ve had a lot of time to talk. Just please let me go back to my seat.”

This time he makes no effort to stop you from leaving and you quickly slip out of the bathroom, fearful someone might see you. Luckily, everyone is still fast asleep and you walk back down the aisle to your seat wanting to forget about what Mark had said.

You couldn’t deal with the what ifs, you couldn’t get lost in a fantasy of imagining that maybe you and Mark could be married already if he would have just said something. You couldn’t be that cruel to yourself.

After a few moments, you notice the bathroom occupied sign go away, signaling Mark’s arrival back to his seat.

He knows he could just sit down and go back to sleep, falling back in to the way things were. But he had already not tried to go after you once before and he had been regretting it ever since. He had to say fuck that to all of the fears he had of being judged and put trust back into someone again. He wanted you.

Your eyes which had drifted closed soon shot open as you felt a movement at the side of your chair, turning to see Mark crouched down next you

“What are you doing?” You asked.

“I already let go of you once, I’m not doing it again. If I have to spend the next,” he brings his watch up to look at the time, “six hours convincing you, then so be it. I’m not letting walk away from me this time.” At his final word he moves his hand to brush a strand of hair behind your ear and goes to sit down. His eyes piercing into the back of your seat.

You felt Mark’s words, you felt them deeply in every part of you and it made you think that the Mark you love was still in there.

Love.

You still loved him.

The beating of your heart made it difficult to fall asleep, but when you finally did you had a decision made and a smile on your face.

#got7 fanfic #got7 smut #mark tuan #mark tuan fanfic #got7 fanfiction

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the-sole-macgyver · 4 years

Note

Hey how would the companions react to sole screaming random vines while at a fight??

I had to go watch a bunch of Vine compilations for this. I was also half tempted to add Gifs to this one.

Prompt: Companions react to Sole screaming vines while in a fight

Excluded companions: none

Note: if there are any characters, ie: faction leaders or let’s say synth!Codsworth that anyone would like to be included please feel free to ask!

Warnings: Swearing, vine references, violence under cut

Cait: “Turn off the flash you fucking moron!” She didn’t know whether to be more angry at Sole for shouting advice at the raider in the power armour or at the raider for actually taking it- turning the headlamp off of their helmet and shrouding the lot of them in darkness, making her lose their position and making this fight drag on longer than it needed too. You can bet she was going to give Sole a piece of her mind once this was over.

Codsworth:“ I don’t know what y'all AAAAAAHHHH you better stop stop bitch STOP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH” They’d just left the Slog when Sole had decided that the base of some Forged was too close to the settlement for their liking, so they’d went over too clean it out, but now Sole was being chased around the yard by someone wielding a flamer and, as Codsworth fought valiantly to go aid them he couldn't help but hope the good people living at the Slog were far enough away too not notice the spectacle Sole was making of themselves.

Curie:“I won’t hesitate, bitch!” Despite the fact they were currently in a firefight with a small gang of Rust Devils and taking cover behind a wall, Curie still gives Sole a scandalised gasp and turns to them slightly to ask if such language is strictly necessary? But finding out it was a form of pre-war humour definitely caught her interest, when the situation was less dire she would like to question Sole about it, as she had not been exposed to this “vine” herself.

Deacon: He’d made a joke as they were being shot at by Gunners when Sole had hollered at him from their side of the makeshift barricade “This is the Comedy Police, the jokes too funny!”

They hadn’t expected the sharp smile he shot them, and they really hadn't expected him to scream back “I’M NOT GOING BACK TO JAIL!!”. Somehow, some way, Deacon knows, and Sole’s not sure if they should be happy or scared. Deacon himself is delighted.

Dogmeat:“THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!” Sole had taught Dogmeat to bark whenever they said this, the feral ghouls they were fighting paid no mind to the weird command but Dogmeat was a dog who liked to bark, and knowing Sole also liked his barking, so much so they had a command for it, made him very happy indeed.

John Hancock:“This bitch empty, YEET!” Sole had said this as they threw a grenade at the supermutants they were currently warring against outside Goodneighbor, he’d heard old pre-war ghouls quote similar phrases as the ones Sole often did and needless to say his interest was piqued. He’d want to be in on the joke, but he’d also want to impress Sole on his knowledge of their pre-war “vine”.So he’d ask Daisy about it when they made it back to Goodneighbor.

Nick Valentine: They’d just met Travis outside of Beantown Brewery when Sole handed him a few frags before saying “You got this Travis, make em wait for it. Boom”. It takes a moment for what they said to sink in but when it does Nick’s head whips around to face Sole, sporting a look of dawning, horrified realisation at memories of Old Nick getting bombarded with new recruits showing him short videos that they’d lovingly called “Vines” and quoted so constantly it all but became a new language, separated not by land but by age. He takes the frags back off Travis much to the radio host’s obvious relief and silently dreads a resurgence of those short videos.

Danse:“I’m a bad bitch you can’t kill me!” They say this even as he’s hoisting them out of the way of an oncoming rocket and shielding them from the blast that was way too close for his liking, he’d think they were on chems but he’d spent long enough around them to know they were just like that, and could only really tell them to keep an eye on their surroundings because they absolutely could be killed.

Piper: The way Sole yelled “Whoever threw that grenade, your mom’s a hoe!” at the scavengers currently trying to kill them got a snort out of her, Sole’s trash talking was hardly what she’d call intimidating or scathing, she’d heard better from the children in Diamond City, Hell, she’d heard better from Nat! But Piper decided what it lacked in potency it made up for in charm that was distinctly Blue. She didn’t mind it, though to save face for ‘The Sole Survivor‘ she’d probably leave those particular quotes out of the papers.

Preston:“Look at that fucking cornfield bud! That is a nice cornfield, tell you that right now!” Soles sounding kind of hysterical when they say this, and even though it unnerved him, he supposed he couldn’t blame them, they had only just made it to the settlement to find raiders smashing up the place, particularly the corn field Sole had planted themselves by hand. They’d managed to stop the raid before any real damage was done, but he was still going to suggest the General take a break before they headed out again.

MacCready: They’re up on a roof scouting out the area below when Sole asks to look down the sight of his rifle, he lets them and watches as they scan along the road, then stopping to look at a sign not too far away. “Road work ahead? Uh, yeah, I sure hope it does.” it gets a little laugh out of him, though whether what they just said was actually funny or if it was just the way they said it he couldn't tell. It’s enough of a dad joke that he’ll probably use it on Duncan.

Strong:“BE GONE, THOT!” Strong doesn't know what a thot is, and he doesn’t really care unless it’s another stupid human word for ‘milk’, but he does appreciate how good at punting raiders across distances Sole is with that wooden bat.

X6-88:They were fighting Brotherhood soldiers when Sole got slammed into by one in power armour, causing X6 to flinch ever so slightly at the grimly loud crunch their arm made as they hit the ground, unsurprisingly they were instantly back up with a stimpack in their hand, because of course they were, he’s not even a little bit surprised.“Ahh fuck, I can’t believe you’ve done this” at their completely dead-pan comment towards the hunk of metal marching towards them again, he wondered if they're in shock from the hit or if they hit their head when they hit the ground and were concussed. But they’re back too fighting in no time and, weird comments aside, they had a mission to complete.

Ada:“When will you learn!? When will you learn, that your actions have consequences!!?” Though Ada agrees with the sentiment, she’d hope the high-pitched way Sole delivered it in wasn’t supposed to inspire fear in their current enemies, though it did apparently confuse some of the Rust Devils long enough for the two of them to get some shots in, which she can appreciate.

Old Longfellow: You didn’t have to be a genius to know the ‘old’ in Old Longfellow’s name wasn’t ironic, but as he was fighting Trappers alongside Sole they apparently had the urge to yell “Don’t fuck with me! I have the power of God and anime on my side! AAAAAAHH!!”, and in that moment he could have sworn he’d aged another ten years, the pitch of their voice as they flung themselves bodily at one of the Trappers cutting through him and putting him in a foul mood, he really needed a drink after this.

Porter Gage:“Bitch I hope the fuck you do, you’ll be a dead son of a bitch I tell you that!” Hell yeah the boss’s trash talk game was spot on today, there they were, beating the shit out of some settlers when one of the wimpy fuckers decided to get ballsy and go to take a swing at Sole while their back was turned when the Overboss whipped around and said that, their voice promising real threat, stopping the poor sod before they could do any damage. Needless too say he thought it was pretty cool.

Addendum:I do not have a beta reader and I am dyslexic, I do proof read everything but am bound to make mistakes- and I would like to apologise in advance for any I have missed.

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harryandmolly · 4 years

Text

fear and loathing in mandeville canyon *5*

summary: Shawn & Lilly, derailed, detoured, but maybe not destroyed

warnings: language, NSFW (unprotected sex), The Reckoning pt. 1 (this warning brought to you by Georgie Kingston)

wc: 4.7k

------------

“Wow.”

“Yeah, wow. I mean… wow.”

“I know, right?”

Shawn and Lilly are sitting up in Lilly’s bed, her sheets pooled around their naked hips. Her phone sits between them, glowing the only light in the room. Her home screen is a picture of Lauren dressed as the Statue of Liberty from Halloween in college.

At first when Lilly checked the time, she was sure it said 5:04 PM. But given the time of year, it was too dark for that to be true. Shawn stirred and they inspected it together, equally bewildered.

5:04 AM. They slept for a clean 14 hours. By the way they each stretch and groan, neither of them moved a muscle the whole time. Lilly feels like she’s at the brink of atrophy, with a comfortable soreness between her legs.

She looks over at Shawn. He’s bleary-eyed, extra flushed from all the body heat they produce in the same bed together, with pillow marks on his cheeks and chest. Lilly has a mark across her side from the weight of his arm. It’s like they’ve been asleep for years.

Lilly lets her phone screen go dark. Dawn isn’t coming for a while. They’re alone. Their breathing syncs. Shawn yawns. Lilly follows. The quiet aches.

She reaches over to her nightstand and flicks on the lamp. The orange glow is made warmer than usual with his big brown eyes watching her. It’s different, though, than it has been. He’s not watching her like one of them is impersonating a dog in an ASPCA commercial. It’s curious and gentle, but there’s a confidence there, too. It seems she’s missed it.

“Hello there,” she sighs, coming down onto one folded arm on her side. He follows, mirroring her.

“Hi.”

She’s quiet for a few moments, looking him over. He squirms a little under her gaze.

“Thanks for shaving the gross facial hair.”

The corner of his mouth lifts. “No problem. My mum made it pretty clear that she was going to ask me to shave it every time I FaceTimed her, so it was just delaying the inevitable.”

Lilly’s brows lift. “Did you like the gross facial hair?”

Shawn chuckles. “No. I guess I was just curious. I don’t really get to try shit like that most of the time. So.”

She nods, continuing her inspection, as though she hasn’t looked at him in the weeks they’ve been in Mandeville Canyon together. She doesn’t comment on his weight or the pallor of his skin. She has no business, given the way she’s been treating her own body. She internalizes it and moves on.

Timidly, she lifts her hand through his hair. His eyes flutter shut, he nuzzles into it automatically. She feels that ache between her thighs again, more prominently this time.

“But about the hair… maybe I should cut it. If you want me to.”

Shawn’s eyes brighten. “I didn’t know you could cut hair.”

“Oh, I can’t. I mean, I haven’t yet. But I’ll watch a video, we’ll be fine.”

He hesitates only for a moment, surprising her. “Ok. Yeah. It’s probably time.”

Lilly feels an odd sensation getting out of that bed and it can’t be blamed on low blood sugar or dehydration. The writer in her feels a scene ending when Shawn pulls himself up and walks into her shower, leaving the door open when he turns on the water and inspects his hair in the mirror, along with a couple of zits. The finality is an illusion, because life isn’t so neatly told like a screenplay. Even though she feels the scene is over, she has to stand up and find a clean pair of panties and think of some search terms to find a useful hair cutting tutorial on YouTube. There’s another scene and she doesn’t know what it is yet. She doesn’t even know what she wants it to be. But there’s putting the laptop down and walking away. There’s no stopping it.

Lilly wanders into the kitchen in panties and a tank top, too preoccupied to notice the utility scissors when she opens drawers looking for them. His footsteps are house-shakingly loud as they carry him from her side of the house to neutral ground. He arrives with a towel around his waist. His hair looks even more like sad limp noodles when it’s wet. He stops in the doorway, watching her. He waits until she pulls a chair into the empty space between the breakfast table and the island, under a bright cluster of lights. He takes the invitation to sit.

He even smells warm, somehow. Lilly’s urge to lick up the rivulets of tepid water coasting over the mountains and valleys of his back is disorienting.

They watch the tutorial together on her phone. It seems a small concession to make, given what he’s putting her in charge of. He doesn’t have any specific direction to give her beyond longer on top, shorter on the sides. So she goes hunting for some inspiration.

You would think she would know better than to dive into the “Shawn Mendes” tag on Tumblr. The seizing half-hiccup, half-pseudo stroke sensation she gets from accidentally coming upon a hoard of pictures of them together is back. Lilly blames a recent lack of exposure for the completely noticeable, pity-inducing reaction. Her callous has softened. After an awkward few seconds, she pivots to Google.

“I think we’re going for… like… February 2019 hair. That was really good hair,” Lilly insists, plowing ahead, gesturing to photos of him on the red carpet at the 2019 Brit Awards.

“Yeah,” Shawn replies, “That was good hair. Maybe a little longer on the sides though. I liked what I had going, like, before quarantine.”

Lilly grumbles something under her breath about googling photos of that era over her dead body. Shawn relents.

“It’s fine, you should cut it-- just cut it however. It’s fine.”

Lilly begins by balling up a little tuft from the top of his head into a teeny bun. She stands between his legs to arrange it, making sure it’s even on both sides. His eyes remain on his feet the whole time.

She starts at the back of his neck, smoothing his curls out to decide how much to trim. Her fingers are more helpful than the comb, she soon realizes, in keeping them flat enough to judge. She begins by cutting it shorter at the base of his neck so the short curls can do the sproing thing she likes. As she moves up the back of his scalp, she leaves it longer until she hits his funny little man bun. When the silence breaks, she’s so jarred she has to ask him to repeat himself.

“I…” he clears his throat, “I think it’s time that you ask me some of those questions.”

Lilly hates that she knows him so well she doesn’t have to ask which ones. She fluffs out the back of his head with her fingers and decides it’s not completely tragic, so she moves onto his left side.

There are considerations, of course. Is her stuff in a state that she could easily pack and bail in a short time frame if he reveals himself to be dumber than originally feared? Is digging up old dirt to toss it over a wound that won’t heal really necessary?

Is it a good idea to have this conversation while she’s wielding something that could easily be used as a deadly weapon?

Lilly takes a long moment to blink and sticks her tongue out of the corner of her mouth, eyeing the way his hair wraps over the tip of his ear. She brushes it with the pad of her thumb. It reddens.

There’s a preamble in her head, one that lectures him about the absolute necessity of honesty in this situation, the futility of the exercise if he’s not willing to be completely transparent. When she notes the way his knee bobs anxiously, she stops it in its frilly-worded tracks.

She pulls curls off the side of his neck, right over the freckles she likes, and snips.

“When did it start?”

Shawn doesn’t shrink or react in any noticeable way. This isn’t a surprising question.

“I started feeling it when we were in working on Senorita. We weren’t really talking much before that. We started texting a little. It was the first time I felt anything for her since you and me started.”

Lilly sections off the hair above his ear and starts to feel herself working slower. She remembers the first time she heard about the idea of the Senorita collab when he told her over the phone. He sounded tired. Lilly was enthusiastic, knowing he and Camila had been closer before Lilly was in the picture. She felt some guilt for driving some kind of wedge between them, however unintentional. The collab seemed like a nice way to reconnect with a friend.

“The music video.”

Lilly doesn’t phrase it as a question. She doesn’t need to.

“That was when things came more… into focus. She and her ex were in the process of breaking up. I didn’t know for sure then what was going to happen. But it was the first time I thought something actually might.”

Lilly focuses on the way his hair sits above his ear, debating about how short to cut it. She recalls FaceTiming with him from rehearsals. He was so excited. He was nervous about dancing. Lilly teased him. He reminded her repeatedly that he loved her. She wonders if it was more for him to hear out loud than it was for her.

“What exactly happened between you before you broke up with me?”

Shawn flinches slightly. Lilly feels the sick pleasure of it sizzling in her fingers, imagines a tick arriving with a satisfying ping in her nonexistent column.

Shawn takes a deep breath. “It was… at one of the viewing things before the final cut of the video. We got drunk.”

Lilly’s heart slams in her chest like a fish out of water. This was a mistake.

“I knew she and Matthew were done but I asked anyway. We were… we were the last ones there and just fucking around, being goofy. I kissed her.”

Snip. Snip. Snip.

Shawn doesn’t ask to look at whether she’s defacing one of his calling cards.

“Anything else?” Lilly asks coolly, wondering if a fuck might’ve actually felt like less of a soul-deep betrayal. Doesn’t matter, probably. She still lost him.

“Not until after.”

Lilly systematically strokes her fingers through his hair as she switches over, angling to determine if the sides are even. Her stomach hurts.

“Did you tell her you were going to leave me before you did?”

She watches him swallow.

“Yes.”

Lilly remembers the image she had of her sitting in the back of a dark Uber Black, hunched over her phone, waiting outside Lilly’s house for the deed to be done.

The questions are sprouting faster than Lilly can come up with a strategy for dealing with them. She takes a weed whacker to her mind unsuccessfully.

“What did she-- how did she--”

Lilly stalls out and drops her scissored hand by her side. Shawn looks over at her patiently. He doesn’t cower or turn away or guilt her out of this line of questioning with a glance.

Lilly shakes her head and waves her not-sharp hand for him to turn his head back. She gets to work evening out the sides, pinching his strawberry-scented ringlets, making a focused effort not to yank at them.

“All the pictures… the paps, whatever. Did you consider what that would do to me?”

Shawn keeps his head forward, eyes fixed on the refrigerator at the other side of the room. He wets his lips and speaks, “I… didn’t really let myself focus on it. I told myself it wasn’t really my fault, I wasn’t the one calling them and doing all that shit we did in the beginning. I told myself it wasn’t about me and Camila, it was about the single, so anything we did to promote the single was ok.”

“That was a very long-winded no.” Lilly keeps her voice even.

“There’s so much I did that I handled completely fucking wrong. We, I mean you and I, we were hitting this point, this weird, shitty point where we were both really busy and couldn’t be around each other that much. It had been over a year and the, like, giddiness wasn’t there at the time. Like, neither of us was that happy then.”

Lilly’s nostrils flare. Her lips purse and begin to part, ready to unleash hell.

“I used it as a shitty fucking excuse for something I was probably going to do anyway.”

Lilly takes a step back. She drops the scissors beside him and crosses her arms, staring expectantly. Shawn takes the scissors and fiddles with them.

“The honest, stupid fucking truth is that I had this… I dunno, this thing for her. I could never totally let go of it. That’s not to say I wasn’t happy with you, or that I was thinking about her when I was with you… that was never it. But when she started showing interest in me, when she was telling me about the shit with Matthew, I just… I think I felt like it had to happen. Like something I had to get out of my system. I romanticized it at the time; it felt like fate, maybe.”

“I’ve heard the song, Shawn,” Lilly snaps. Shawn blinks hard, but is otherwise still.

“I know. I know you, Lill, I know you’ve been through the whole catalogue, tearing it apart, deciding what was about her.”

He’s not wrong, Lilly thinks bitterly.

“I felt this weird kind of instant relief when I was sure she wanted me. It checked this old box that felt like it was going to stay unchecked forever. I felt so shitty, calling it off with you, but it felt like I was doing what I was supposed to. But it wouldn’t have felt so shitty if it were really what I was meant to do.”

“Do you realize how entitled and selfish you sound right now?”

“Yes.”

The tightness in Lilly’s face relaxes, her expression blank. She wasn’t expecting such an easy response. She wasn’t expecting a real response at all.

“I do. It’s ok if you don’t believe me, I don’t really blame you. I haven’t given you any reason to. But if we have a shot in hell, and fuck, I hope we do, I think you need to hear this. I don’t think you’ll ever stop wondering unless I really lay it all out.”

Lilly swallows a lump in her throat and releases the tuft of hair, sliding the elastic back on her wrist. As she ruffles through his damp hair, Shawn’s eyes slide closed.

“Keep talking,” Lilly whispers.

“So I did it. I ignored how fucking bad I felt after that initial relief. Like, not just bad because of our fight, just… bad. I had done the wrong thing. I made the wrong choice. I do still think it was the choice I was going to make because I’m fucking young and stupid. I just--”

His jaw tenses, the muscle in his cheek twitching. Lilly waits patiently, parting his hair.

“I might’ve always wondered. I’m a hopeless romantic idiot. But at least now she’s not the one that got away anymore. She’s the one I tried it with and realized it didn’t work.”

Lilly closes her eyes and exhales through her nose. She waits for the words to hit all the spots they did before when he tried to talk this out with her, the pain points. Spots that made her snarl and retch and wail and slash at him. Instead they feel like a rising tide around her knees.

“So… what happened?” she whispers.

“For a while we lived on the high of the single. Both our teams were so focused on it and on us. The VMAs and everything, finishing tour. By the time the Grammys came around I think we were both so fucking sick of that song. The backlash that came from all the media attention… it didn’t just go away like we hoped it would. I started laying really low on social. She was getting ready for tour and I was working on the album. Not being focused on the same thing, on promoting one song, it helped put things more into perspective I think. Pulling away started to feel… natural.

“And then the pandemic came. It felt like a time to hit reset. I went down to Miami and felt pretty stupid because everything just got so much worse every day and I was worried about not even being able to leave. But… we were on the same page, basically. It wasn’t fun, but it was… right. Neither of us wanted it. We tried it, it ended. I think… I mean, we don’t hate each other. I don’t think we’ll be like, writing friends again. But maybe eventually we’ll talk again.”

Lilly sucks at her front teeth. “You haven’t talked at all since you left?”

“No.”

“Do you want to?”

Shawn looks thoughtful. “Not… yet. I don’t think I have anything to say that we haven’t said already. Maybe… I dunno, maybe that was part of it. I always felt like I wanted to talk to you, like I always had stuff to tell you, even stupid stuff. Me and Camila ran out of stuff.”

Lilly shifts to stand in front of him, keeping her gaze on his hair, though her eyes are not in focus. She sifts her hands through it while she thinks.

“I still have more questions. I’m just…”

She trails off. Shawn nods carefully.

“It’s ok. I’m… not going anywhere.”

Lilly’s eyes shut. “I think it’s important for you to understand that when you say things like that, my head immediately comes back with “but you did.” You did go somewhere. You didn’t come back for a long time.”

Shawn pauses, then nods again. Lilly sighs.

“I’m not saying this to punish you anymore. I don’t want that. It’s not doing anything for me. But you need to understand that I can’t just turn it back on. Even when you make me want to.”

Shawn’s expression clears. He turns his head slowly as she continues ruffling his hair, snipping odds and ends. She doesn’t look down at him.

“I do understand. I’ll wait, Lill. I’ll give you whatever you need.”

“And what if I don’t know what I need?”

Shawn looks unconcerned. “Then I’ll wait for you to.”

Lilly continues sculpting his hair like a topiary. He looks older with his hair this way. She thinks it’s not a total disaster, maybe.

“I have another question,” she announces. Shawn waits expectantly.

“If the pandemic didn’t happen… when were you going to end it? When were you going to come to me?”

Shawn’s brows raise, but he looks far away again. “Truth is I almost did a few times. A bunch of times after the holidays. I had this countdown clock in my head because I knew as soon as we finished the album, I wouldn’t just be able to spontaneously come see you, not if I wanted to spend any real time with you. I just kept scaring myself out of it.”

She understands that, especially given the way their first meeting went down.

Lilly internalizes the answer, then turns back to her imaginary notes. Each question has a line through it. Nothing new materializes. She frowns.

“I don’t have any more questions.”

Shawn bobs his head, watching her closely.

“I might have more questions later,” she continues. His expression doesn’t change.

Lilly drops her hands to his shoulders. He blinks but reorients himself, slowly guiding his hands to her hips. She steps closer. His knees widen. As Lilly folds herself over him, pressing her face into his hair, he collapses into her, his forehead against her sternum. Her relief is narcotic. Her head hasn’t been this truly empty since… she can’t remember when.

He smells like her. He’s holding her. He’s breathing her air. He’s hers. Little by little, she’s starting to believe it.

Lilly steps around his legs and lowers into his lap. Their eyes are nearly level. Shawn locks his arms around her back. His nose brushes hers.

“Ok,” Lilly murmurs.

Shawn inhales and exhales deeply. “Ok.”

Lilly’s hands rest on his chest as he kisses her. He doesn’t come at her with fire and brimstone this time. He has nothing to prove. He knows exactly how good it feels. He seems to want to slow down and enjoy this as much as she does. He kisses her long and slow because they have the time. His hands remain mostly still. He seems to feel that she needs the stasis, despite their frenzied night.

Shawn’s kisses whisper to Lilly with each pass -- is this ok? How about this? I don’t want to push it. I care too much to push it. They’re the easiest sentiments to believe when they’re said like this.

Lilly drapes her arms around his shoulders, enjoying the breadth of them, plucking her lips away in shorter bursts until they’re pecking innocently, smiling with closed eyes between points of contact.

“Do you want to check out your hair?” Lilly offers, shifting back in his lap. He’s the most marvelous shade of pink.

“Oh,” he starts, pulling a hand up into the still damp chunky strands, “I can look later. I’m sure it’s great. It feels way lighter, actually.”

Lilly is smug. “You just want to sit here and keep kissing.” His smile is megawatt. She’s blinded.

“Can you blame me?”

Kissing him is… completely lovely. Lilly refamiliarizes herself with him in a way she didn’t yesterday. Her fingers find the tendons in his shoulders, the ridge of his adam’s apple, the little hoop in his earlobe. It’s a redundant kind of flirtation, given that she’s already in his lap, but it might be more for her than for him.

His lips skate down her neck as they break for air. He tucks kisses under her hair over marks she doesn’t remember him leaving. Lilly closes her eyes and exhales slowly, letting herself hate them a little for tearing each other to shreds. It wasn’t like them. Even when they were at their most frantic together, it wasn’t like that.

Lilly feels a lump in her throat. He must sense the change in her breathing. But instead of pulling away to check on her, Shawn pulls her closer, fills all the spaces her body leaves until she’s cradled against him, chest shuddering. He presses his nose into her hair and rocks her softly, back and forth, until he feels her tears dripping off his shoulder down his bare back.

“It’s ok,” he murmurs, the vibration from his voice tremoring through her body, “If it feels good to cry, you should cry.”

Shawn has a way of saying things to her that would bring her no relief to hear them from anyone else. Even though she believes him, and she’s pretty sure he’d sit here into the night and let her cry herself dry against him, she pulls back. He looks her over. She stares at his swollen mouth. He sweeps his thumbs beneath her eyes.

“I’m sick of crying,” she tells him with a short nod. He nods back. His eyes are clear and so warm. His hands sift back into her hair and hold it all, scrunching tumbling, escaping strands like he can’t bear to let any of her go. He kisses her breathless.

“Be gentle with me,” Lilly pleads on a sigh, releasing him only long enough to undress. He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t need to.

He’s always been patient, even when she could barely stand to let herself be touched by him. He waits until every sound out of her chest is nearly a whine and her fingers curl into his freshly cut hair, cajoling him. When their bodies finally connect, he’s slow and deliberate, the tips of their noses together, their fingers clenched together against her thigh. She doesn’t thrash or force or scrape for him. He doesn’t stop until she’s melted for him, draped over his shoulder, panting with need. She clings, he gives. When she’s finished, she cups the back of his neck and whispers until he’s shaking beneath her.

They slither to the kitchen floor, exhausted, reluctant. He tosses tufts of his shorn hair at her. She pretends to put it back where she cut it off. They order from a local cafe for breakfast and kiss until the food is cold.

“So when do you want me to cut your hair?”

Lilly looks up from the Instacart order in progress on her phone. His arm is around her shoulders, his fingers sifting through the dry ends of her gold hair. He said it like he’s reminding her of something she had already asked of him. Her brow furrows.

“You’re not cutting my hair.”

Shawn looks down and mirrors her expression. “What?”

“I’m not letting you cut my hair, Shawn.”

He gawps. “But you just cut mine!”

“Yeah, what the fuck were you thinking? Your hair is like half the reason people like you.”

Shawn’s eyes light up. His grin is so big she thinks his face is gonna split. This time, she’s the one mirroring him.

“You seriously don’t trust me to cut your hair? It can’t be that hard, your hair is straight. I just have to keep it even.”

“But I have layers,” Lilly explains patiently, turning to pull her legs up beside her on the couch, “And my stylist uses thinning shears, which we don’t have. And also… you’re not cutting my hair, Shawn.”

He huffs and pulls away. “Maybe not when you’re awake anyway.”

Lilly looks up from her phone. He’s wearing an impish smile. She kisses it until his lips are soft and pliable against hers, and he’s making the little content sounds she likes.

Shawn gets curious and trails his kisses off down her jaw. Lilly’s eyes are shut. She’s getting ready to crawl into his lap for the third time in 24 hours when her phone buzzes with a news alert.

LA County extended shutdown to all but essential business through July.

They stare at the phone together. Shawn’s brows lift. He rubs a hand over his mouth.

“Jesus,” he mutters.

Lilly chews her lip. July?

July.

Quietly, because they’re both in their own heads, they make their way to the kitchen to continue taking stock of the groceries they have and what they need. Lilly’s head is swimming in numbers -- will the bump in unemployment continue? Is she going to have to ask for her parents’ help with rent? Could this go through the end of the summer, or even longer?

She senses him behind her even through the haze of her own anxiety. He places a hand on her hip, his thumb rubbing the worn cotton of her t-shirt.

“C’mere,” he murmurs, more as a request than a demand. Lilly turns and tucks herself into his arms. He rocks her back and forth on their bare feet, which make a soft smushing sound against the cool tile. He’s sturdy enough to rest her weight against. Her hands clamor up only as far as his shoulder blades. It feels good.

“I know it’s really, really bad,” Shawn says into her ear, “Like, really bad, if they’re shutting down through July. But… I’m glad I’m here with you.”

Lilly rolls her eyes and lifts her head as her hands drift down his back.

“Yeah, seems like your plan is working out nicely. Taking me hostage, and all.”

He seems pleased with her teasing. He nods.

“Yep, got ya right where I want ya,” he admits, shrugging.

Lilly shakes her head and dives deeper into false dramatics. “Luring me here in my vulnerable state. You’re like Dracula. This is Stockholm syndrome. I should know, there’s a One Direction song about it. You’re holding me here against my will.”

Shawn grins again, that same face-breaking grin from before. It warms Lilly through more than the afternoon sun streaming in through the kitchen windows. He presses his forehead against hers.

“Your hands are on my asscheeks right now,” he points out.

She squeezes them. He flinches and somehow smiles even wider.

“Stockholm. Syndrome,” she insists, giggling until his lips meet hers again.

----------

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everybodyscupoftea · 3 years

Text

idk you yet: next up forever

reggie peters x oc

and if you’re broken. you’ll make your own thing

There was nothing quite like the rush of playing in front of a large crowd. Reggie loved the band’s chemistry in the garage they used to practice in or the energy of small crowds they played for in the back rooms of record shops while they were trying to make it big, but there was no feeling greater than playing a stadium full of people screaming their name.

Luke loved it too, he ate it up, and he was always on fire, always at his best, which in turn fueled Alex to match his boyfriend’s energy, and Reggie could just feed off of them. When they got signed to their first big label, Reggie could just remember Luke’s flushed cheeks, his, “This is going to be great, guys. We’re going to be great.”

“Legends, even,” Alex added.

Which Reggie thought maybe was a bit much, they were still young, still largely untested, but he loved the enthusiasm. Bobby was a bit more chill, probably the most levelheaded of them all, and the least driven by emotion, but even he was vibrating with excitement.

Then they started planning for a tour. Reggie hadn’t even realized a national tour was possible while they were still teenagers. Hell, he didn’t even realize releasing a full album was possible.

“Boy bands do it all the time, think about One Direction,” Bobby told him quietly while Luke chattered on to Alex about songs he’d written that he thought were perfect for a first album. Reggie was grateful Luke wasn’t the one to read his facial expression that clearly was showing some sort of doubt.

The first tour was incredible, smaller venues, but they sold most of them out. Sunset Curve was new and people were curious. The second tour was where it all became insanely real. Reggie can remember the day Luke ran into the garage, beaming.

He flopped on the couch, which wasn’t unusual, and propped his head up on his hand, “So, I talked to Drew today.” Their manager.

Alex hummed, sitting down next to him, “What about?” If Luke had gone and made decisions without the rest of them, he was the most likely to react in a way that wouldn’t hurt Luke’s feelings, but would still remind him that they were a group.

“He thinks we should do a world tour after releasing our second album.”

Reggie’s eyebrows shot up. He knew they were big, he knew they were popular in a few countries overseas, but he didn’t know they were world tour big. The other two boys were also shocked into silence. Their second album was fairly close to release, they’d released a single for it the week before, but a world tour already.

“Holy shit,” Bobby mumbled, and then a few seconds later, “holy shit!”

“Yeah!” Luke was practically shaking as he jumped to his feet and onto the table, “Guys, this is it. We’ve made it.”

Reggie snorted, “Okay, well, we don’t know that the tour’s going to sell.”

“It’ll sell,” Luke clearly had the confidence to carry the rest of the group through it, which Reggie could get behind. He couldn’t quite shake one of his mom’s lessons growing up: temper your excitement because things rarely go as planned.

So they got to work. They put the finishing touches on their second album, which did extremely well, some of the songs flying up the charts to the number one spot for a few days. They announced their tour, a few weeks later the dates and locations. Some arenas sold out within minutes. When they found that out, Luke bragged, not hesitating to throw in, “I told you so,” every time it came up.

They planned a show, put together a list of their favorite songs off both their albums, worked out effects they wanted to put on something fun for their fans. Reggie was a lot more hands on in that process, not the most gifted with tech, but was the most interested in actually looking impressive outside of just the music.

Then they had to find an opening band. Someone who they could get along with, someone smaller that they could help get exposure. Reggie found them first, on YouTube, a couple called Double Trouble, also based in Los Angeles. After watching a few of their videos, Luke approved wholeheartedly and got Drew to contact them. Double Trouble was ecstatic, and thus, the details were finalized.

And the tour was great, they started in the South and worked their way up the Midwest, hit a few cities in Canada, down the East Coast and ended up home along the West Coast for a few shows.

Reggie was constantly exhausted, it felt like a daze. Travel, play, adrenaline rush, eat, crash, repeat. And everything was great, they played consistently well, and after a few shows, he thought they really got the routine down pat. It worked really well for them, and the boys were thrilled with all the choices Reggie made.

The only problem was that it got lonely. He felt like he was surrounded by couples. Luke and Alex, Julie and Flynn, Bobby and his girlfriend that showed up every so often when she could get off work. Reggie was truly the only one alone. Which was fine, they were busy, but sometimes, sometimes the loneliness was heavy.

It all built, crushing him slowly as they crawled their way through tour, more and more dinners after the show feeling like a double date he was just crashing while Bobby stayed in to FaceTime his girlfriend.

October

When it finally overflowed was after their show in San Jose. It sold out, most of their California shows did, and that one was especially incredible to him. The fucking SAP Center. He knew a lot of their fans were Californians, that’s where they got their start, but he wasn’t prepared for that.

They went to a local place, something small that they likely wouldn’t be recognized much at, and once again, he got the double date vibe. The couples talking lowly amongst each other, relaxed and comfortable, while Reggie picked at the straw paper on the table and stuck it to the condensation on his beer bottle.

He wasn’t sure if it was the fatigue that made him snap or just that the weight of his loneliness got too much to bear, he was out of his seat before his brain caught up and mumbled for them to get him something takeout, that he was going back to the bus.

Luke started to protest, hopping out of the booth to grab his arm, but he must’ve seen something on Reggie’s face that caused him to reluctantly drop his arm. Reggie wasn’t sure what expression he had, but it must’ve been something raw to make Luke give up that easily. Eyes burning, he shoved his hands in his pocket and left the restaurant, desperate to crash in his bunk and sleep it off.

Shoulders slumped, Reggie headed back toward the arena, staring at the cracks in the concrete as he walked, not wanting to attract even the slightest bit of attention. That’s when it happened.

William pretty much kept to a routine. It was easier for him, especially during the season, and it kept his dog happy. There was something that night, some anxiousness about the upcoming season maybe, that had him out and about after dark, walking Luna down the sidewalk near the arena.

There had been more traffic than usual that night, he wasn’t sure why, maybe a concert at SAP, but he wanted to see it. Before fans flocked there, and before he was contractually obligated to show up and be on top of his game.

It was something he did in college too, sat in the bleachers right before the season and soaked in the stillness of the rink. The calm before the storm. He couldn’t get into the big arena, not without keys and a certain level of clearance he didn’t have, but he could walk around, using the facade of taking Luna on a walk as his reason.

He almost ran into the boy, more focused on staring at the buildings around him than the sidewalk. It was late, he assumed no one would be out, clearly he was wrong. Luna barking and pulling on her leash snapped him out of his trance, confused as to why she’d be freaking out.

The boy obviously hadn’t seen him either, hands shoved deep into his pockets, staring at the ground, and giving off huge leave me alone vibes. William almost recoiled, he looked so sad. But maybe sad wasn’t the right word. Morose maybe.

Luna could tell too, he thought. She was pretty perceptive like that. William only had to consider for half a second before giving in. Dogs always cheered people up, right? He let her pull him over until he was right in front of the boy who stumbled back at his sudden appearance, startled look on his face.

“Sorry,” William said quickly, trying to look as apologetic as possible, “didn’t mean to startle you.”

The boy shrugged, staring at him inquisitively, eyes narrowed as if he was trying to figure him out. It made him a little uneasy, but he figured maybe the boy was a hockey fan.

“Can I pet your dog?” he asked quietly, staring down at Luna where she was practically chomping at the bit to get to him.

“Yeah, of course!”

William took the time to study him while the boy squatted down to pet her. He was cute, William realized, and looked slightly familiar, though he couldn’t quite place it. Maybe he was from the area or lived in William’s building.

The boy was gentle, murmuring quietly to Luna while stroking her head. He couldn’t be sure, but William thought his shoulders started to lower where they’d been defensively tensed around his ears before.

Luna jumped up, resting her two front paws on his knees, and licked his cheek, drawing a soft laugh. William immediately wanted to hear it again, he was entranced. Soon, too soon in William’s opinion, the boy was gently lowering Luna back to the sidewalk and standing back up.

He cleared his throat and gave William a small smile, “Thanks. Dogs fix everything.”

“I agree,” William answered quickly before taking his chance, “I’m William by the way.”

“Reggie,” the boy answered, holding his hand out for William to shake. He did happily, trying to keep the shake out of his hands as excitement started to build.

“You from around here, Reggie?” he asked, genuinely curious and not wanting to let him go.

“Los Angeles actually.”

William couldn’t stop the frown, totally unsure why Reggie looked familiar. He hummed, “Sucks, NorCal is 100% a better place to live.”

Reggie laughed, “Oh yeah? Seems a bit biased.”

“Totally unbiased,” William crossed a finger over his heart, “I’ve been there.”

“So you live around here?” Reggie crossed his arms.

“I do. A few blocks away.”

“Seems a little late to be out and about.”

“Luna wanted a walk,” William told him, and in a rare state of perfect honesty, “plus was feeling a little anxious.”

“What about?” Reggie asked before flinching, “Oh God, I’m so sorry. That was super intrusive, feel free not to answer that.”

William laughed, “Oh nothing, nerves over a new job.”

“Ah,” he nodded a bit knowingly, “stage fright.”

Narrowing his eyes, William nodded slowly, “Something like that.”

A comfortable silence lapsed, and Reggie’s eyes started to droop a bit. He blinked a few times and let out a sigh, “I should probably get going. It’s been a long night.”

“Me too,” William smiled wryly, “should attempt to get at least a little sleep before I have to be up early.”

“Feel that.”

Just as soon as Reggie went to side step him, to walk away forever, William blurted, “Wait.”

Reggie froze, head snapping up to meet his eyes, “Yes?”

“Can I,” he drew in a breath and gathered his courage, “could I get your number?”

Tilting his head, Reggie looked him over, William could see the carefully masked surprise, “Um, yeah, sure.”

William beamed, and held his hand out for Reggie’s phone. Eyebrows raised, Reggie passed it over. Typing in his number, William couldn’t help but add a shark emoji. Maybe it was a bit on the nose, but he thought it was at least a little funny.

Reggie wrinkled his eyebrows, but texted him to make sure William had his number too. His stomach swooped as it popped up on his screen.

Hey it’s Reggie

“Thank you,” he gushed, trying to mask his excitement a bit, “I’ll text you later.”

Reggie smiled, and it seemed genuine, “I’m looking forward to it.”

Reggie was oddly nervous. He’d never met anyone quite like William, the boy who either didn’t know who he was or didn’t care. Laying in bed, he passed his phone back and forth between his hands, waiting for a text that didn’t seem to be coming.

Did he hallucinate William out of pure tiredness, he wondered, scrambling to check. Nope, he’d sent a text. Maybe William fell asleep as soon as he got home. Or forgot.

A voice in his head that sounded oddly like Alex suggested, ‘text him’ which seemed a bit absurd at first, but the idea started to grow on him. Thumbs hovering over the keypad, he eventually came up with something simple.

Hope you made it home okay

The response wasn’t immediate, but came pretty soon after.

Just made it, was about to text you

Reggie smiled goofily, and stared at the message. Shaking his head, he knew he needed to respond.

Guess I’m just faster.

The next text from William was immediate.

Doubt it. Just more impatient.

Reggie snorted.

Also true.

The typing bubbles appeared and disappeared a few times while Reggie waited with baited breath.

So what are you up to?

Reggie hesitated, should he tell this boy who he was or keep it vague?

In bed, probably going to sleep soon

He figured it was probably the right move when William texted back.

Same, got an early morning tomorrow. It was nice meeting you though, talk tomorrow?

Reggie’s stomach actually fluttered, he didn’t even know it could do that.

Sounds great

He fell asleep with a smile on his face and when he woke up, phone pressed to his chest, battery dangerously low, there was already a text from William and a picture of Luna attached.

Good morning, hope you slept well. We sure did.

Reggie sighed, thankful that it wasn’t all a dream.

I did, thanks. Good luck with your new job today

William didn’t text back for a while, but Reggie didn’t really expect him too. He knew not every job was like his, so he figured William wasn’t allowed his phone much at work. Which was fine, he’d just wait with a little ball of anxiety in his chest until he got a response.

It turned into a routine after that. William always responded at the weirdest times. Sometimes in the afternoon, sometimes at night, and sometimes in the morning. Reggie never could pin down his schedule, just went with the flow as they worked their way through the western states.

The boys were never really sports guys. If they did keep up with anything it was basketball. But one night, out of pure coincidence, Reggie found himself on a channel playing a hockey game. It looked interesting, and one of the teams was the Sharks which he faintly remembered played at the arena they’d performed at the night he met William.

Maybe he could talk to William about it later, he seemed like the type to be into sports. So Reggie settled in and texted him, unsure if he’d even get a response.

You a hockey fan?

And then a few seconds later after a brutal hit.

I wasn’t but this is kinda fun. I’m sure you’re a sharks fan, they look good

He took a liking to a particular player, number 23 that the announcers kept calling Harris. Reggie found himself at the edge of his seat as the other team started to come back, the Sharks struggling to hold their lead.

“Come on,” he muttered under his breath, nervously checking the clock, “so close.”

He pulled his phone out as the other team called a timeout.

If you aren’t into hockey you should check this out, I’m so invested

The game started again and he put his phone down, paying full attention to the TV. He tapped his knee as the last minute of the game stretched out, totally confused why the other team’s goalie just dipped, but invested nonetheless.

When it ended, he let out a relieved breath as the Sharks managed to hold on and win. Reggie stood up, shaking out his fingers which he didn’t realize he’d been clenching into his pants. He walked away from the TV, needing a break, and went to find something to eat.

Their cabinets were sparse, so he left the bus, wandering to the nearest grocery store to pick something up. His phone buzzed a few times, no doubt William texting him back, and he juggled the items in his hands to fish it out of his pocket.

Hockey’s cool. Probably my favorite sport. Picked a tough game to watch though. Calgary is pretty good this year, but the Sharks will get it figured out

Reggie chuckled and typed out his response with one hand while he waited for the people in front of him in the checkout line to move.

You seem like you know your stuff

The typing bubble appeared and disappeared for a minute straight, oddly reminiscent of the first night Reggie texted him, before the next text finally came through.

Yeah, hockey’s been part of my life for a while

After setting the boxes down and paying, Reggie responded.

Long time fan then. Always liked the Sharks?

Reggie didn’t get another text for a few minutes and figured it was one of those nights William was working.

Nope, liking the sharks is a new development. Started when I moved here

Stirring the pasta, Reggie nodded and decided to text him back when he sat down to eat. It never happened. He’d left the TV on accidentally, and when he sat back down on the couch, the men on screen were breaking down the game.

“William Harris in particular was impressive tonight. He really stepped up on the penalty kill, that game would’ve been a loss if he hadn’t played like he did.”

A picture of his William popped up on the screen. Well, Reggie was pretty sure. He didn’t quite look like he did when Reggie met him, and sure he’d only seen William that one time, but he was pretty fucking sure that was him.

Hands shaking, Reggie exited their text thread and was hitting FaceTime before even realizing what he was doing. It took William a few rings to pick up, and he smiled, looking a little surprised.

“Why are you on my TV? Or at least I think it’s you,” Reggie blurted, not even saying hello.

William blinked, surprised, “What?”

Reggie flipped the camera to show where they were still talking about this Harris player he’d been enamored with during the game. He watched William’s face carefully and saw the resemblance to the guy on the TV.

William winced and put on an apologetic smile, “Um, because I played well tonight.”

“Mhmm,” Reggie muttered, still shocked, “and you didn’t tell me, why?”

“I thought you’d figure it out. That’s what the shark emoji was for.”

Staring at William incredulously, Reggie managed, “In what world do I make that connection on my own?”

William smiled sheepishly, “Maybe it was a bit of a long shot. But I mean, it’s not a big deal, right? I’m still William.”

Reggie took a deep breath and relaxed back into the couch, “I suppose, yes.”

“And by the way, you’re not off the hook. You didn’t tell me you were a famous musician.”

“Oh God,” Reggie shut his eyes, “I totally meant to. I just couldn’t ever find the right time.”

“How about, ‘hey William, I know I seem normal but I’m actually famous and definitely way out of your league’? That would suffice in my opinion.”

Sitting up, Reggie glared at him, “Hold on, if anyone is out of anyone’s league, you’re definitely out of mine. A professional athlete, are you kidding me?”

William scoffed, “And you have fans all over the world, I just have fans in the United States, mostly in San Jose.”

“But you’re hot,” Reggie countered.

“So are you,” William argued and set his jaw stubbornly.

Reggie sighed, “Fine, we’re both hot. But, I’m not sure what this means.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” William sounded desperate, “we’re just two guys, right?”

“Right.”

“And we like each other, right?”

“Right,” Reggie repeated.

“Then let’s just be two guys who like each other. Not two relatively well known guys.”

Letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, Reggie nodded, “Okay, I think I can do that.”

William was silent, both of them soaking in it, and Reggie sat up, “You look exhausted, I should let you go.”

“Wait,” William protested, “I want to see you again. When are you free?”

“I probably can’t make it for a while,” Reggie admitted, “Maybe mid-November if you have some off time.”

“November we have a homestand, I can definitely do that.”

“I’ll send dates.”

William blushed, “I’d like that very much.”

“We should FaceTime more,” Reggie mused.

“We absolutely should.”

When they finally hung up, Reggie immediately hunted down his laptop to start googling hockey rules. If he was going to (hopefully) date a hockey player he should start learning about the sport.

He didn’t think William would hold it against him if he didn’t, but hockey was clearly something the other boy was passionate about, and the least he could do was support him. Maybe the next day he’d be a bit embarrassed about the texts he’d sent, but for the night, at least he’d be preoccupied enough.

Over the next few weeks, Reggie started to watch Sharks games, every one he could, and the ones he had to miss for shows, he’d watch highlights after, all the time looking for his favorite player. William was good, Reggie knew that from the praise he got in the media, but one night he started looking up William’s highlights particularly. Found some stuff from his stint in college hockey and fell down a rabbit hole. He pulled out his phone.

You’re like. Insanely good.

The response was quick.

Ha. Thanks

Reggie scoffed.

Not joking. I’m looking at your college stuff, you went high in the draft. Maybe I was right about out of my league.

William sent back screenshots of his playlist, a few Sunset Curve songs thrown in the mix.

I’m not the only one insanely talented.

Reggie’s cheeks heated up and his palms started to sweat.

Mostly my bandmates honestly

He could almost hear the tone William would use if they were talking over FaceTime, he’d used it many times before.

Lies and slander. I’ve watched videos too

Reggie got that fluttering in his stomach again, and he actually went to look at dates, something he’d been putting off, checking the Sharks’ schedule to see if there were any days that matched up.

Hey, how about November 14?

William FaceTimed him instead of responding. His cheeks were flushed, “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Yes, absolutely. Fuck yes,” William breathed.

For the first time in a while, the loneliness crushing Reggie started to lighten. He knew his bandmates would start to notice, he knew Alex at least was confused about why the fuck he’d started watching hockey, but for the time being, William was his.

It wasn’t a secret really, not a dirty one. But Reggie shared almost everything, and he wanted something for himself. For once. With a happy sigh, he walked over to his bed and flopped down, smiling widely when one last text came in.

I can’t wait

#reggie x oc #reggie peters #reggie julie and the phantoms #bi reggie #idk you yet series #julie and the phantoms

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justwritedreams · 1 year

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Eu postei 614 vezes em 2022

Foram 611 posts a mais do que em 2021!

527 posts criados (86%)

87 posts reblogados (14%)

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Eu marquei 256 posts meus em 2022

#maari - 80 posts

#nct scenario - 62 posts

#nct scenarios - 62 posts

#nct imagine - 60 posts

#nct imagines - 43 posts

#jeno scenarios - 35 posts

#jeno scenario - 35 posts

#jeno x reader - 31 posts

#jeno x you - 30 posts

#jeno x y/n - 30 posts

Maior tag: 115 caracteres

#i was just planning to post these when i discovered that the 94line needs to entilist until december this year what

Meus principais posts em 2022:

Fuck what your father says | Jeno

Jeno x Reader, high school au! Word count: 5751 (it seemed a lot smaller when i wrote it lol) Genre: fluff Author: maari Warnings: mentions of Jeno getting into a fight with bullies, overprotective parents, language just two or three words. Note: I needed an excuse to write based on the song what you father says by the vamps and there it is. Request: hiii, can i request a jeno fic where reader has overprotective parents and studies in an all girl school + a younger sister who also studies in the same school while jeno studies in the neighbouring all boy school? then like the plotline is upto you heheh thank you so much i really love your work!!

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534 notas - publicadas em 19 de maio de 2022

Next to you | Jeno

Y/N tried to contain her huge smile as she talked to Mark and Renjun about how Jeno had practically demanded them to stay in the room they were going to use to rehearse to wait for her.

It made sense for the body to react that way, didn't it?

She had liked to hear that Mark had noticed that Jeno was looking forward to seeing her too, since the guy hadn't stopped texting her since she got off work.

Y/N laughed at the sight of Jaemin running and the way Jeno glared at him, but Jaemin wasn't the least bit worried about that as he hugged her tight.

"We're doing it on purpose." Jaemin spoke quietly to her and soon after walked away, being replaced by Haechan.

"We love to piss him off." spoke in the same tone as Jaemin and she laughed.

“Then you don't know why you get beaten, right?” she replied and when Haechan walked away, he winked.

“Alright, that's enough!” He spoke after going to the two of them and pulling the younger one away from Y/N's embrace. "It's my turn."

"But I didn’t-"

“Go away!" Jeno pushed Jisung away with forced calm and the boy left, confused. "Hey."

"Hey." Y/N laughed, shaking her head as if she couldn't believe the scene she'd seen.

Jeno approached and hugged her tightly, she reciprocated and closed her eyes for a few seconds for the sensation to properly welcome her. "You should go easy on them."

“I missed you more than all of them put together.” he complained and she smiled widely.

It was mutual.

They moved away but Jeno didn't separate his body from hers, he kept his arm around her shoulders making her hug him around the waist as they approached the boys.

"Okay, let's go over it two more times and then we eat." Mark spoke and the boys nodded.

They had been practicing since early but she knew how perfectionists they were, they wouldn't stop training until they were sure they had reached the level they expected, even if it lasted all night.

And Y/N would wait, she was more than happy to be there, spending time with them made her happy.

Y/N walked away, heading towards the couch and the guys started to take their positions.

"Let’s go." Haechan spoke excitedly and in one quick movement took off the shirt he was wearing, leaving his chest exposed.

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622 notas - publicadas em 12 de setembro de 2022

Jealous Hands | Mark

Mark x Reader Word count:1966 Genre: fluff, smut. Author: maari Warnings: Mark being jealous, mentions of fingering, Mark and reader doing things in front of someone (that’s the plot). Minors do not interact, please. This is a +18 story Note: OIIII I can't believe I actually dreamed about this what are you doing to me Mark. I tried to make it a little gentle because I'm testing the waters, that’s my first attempt at writing smut so please be nice to me. Summary: Mark can't control his hands when he's jealous.

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692 notas - publicadas em 2 de junho de 2022

To the stars | Jeno

Captain!Jeno x Reader, university au!, fwb au!

Word count:7114 Genre: Smut, fluff Warning: Mentions of alchool, body shots, fingering, hair pulling and sex, language. Minors do not interact please, this is a +18 story!!! You have been warned and the media you consume is your responsibility. Author: Maari Note: You guys asked and I did it, a longer imagine. My first real smut I actually can’t believe i wrote this lol I can't control the anxiety of posting so sorry if there are any mistakes. Request: can i request for fratboy/popular jeno, and yn who know of eo cuz of mutual friends but nvr rly talked but then they fuck at a party after doing body shots or smt and then become fwb -- something like this related to like parties

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792 notas - publicadas em 20 de agosto de 2022

Meu post nº 1 de 2022

Dirty Love | Jeno

Captain Jeno x Reader, university!au Word count: 6106 Genre: smut, kinda crack, fluff if you squeeze it. Warning: Mentions of hickeys and explicit sex, oral sex (fem receiving) and fingering, reader likes spicy things and slept with Sungchan, second hand embarrassment. MINORS DON’T INTERACT this is a +18 story! Author: Maari Note: Inspired by the lyrics of dirty love by cher lloyd. I thought it would be a good idea to combine these two requests and I must say I don't know what is happening to me when I write smut lol Requests: Can i request for fuckboy jeno and fuckgirl yn who have nvr slept w eo and finally do + can i request for uni ice hockey captain jeno x reader fluff and maybe abit of smut

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1.011 notas - publicadas em 12 de outubro de 2022

Veja a sua Retrospectiva 2022 →

Thanks everyone for the amazing support in 2022 and for making this blog my refuge. Let's make 2023 even better! I love you all 💚💚💚

#tumblr2022 #retrospectiva #Minha Retrospectiva 2022 #Sua Retrospectiva 2022 do Tumblr #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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scarlettwitcher · 4 years

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Baby Girl Chapter One

Summary: Y/n tried to avoid her past with a certain Statesmen but when they’re partnered back up for a mission that could cost millions their lives, Y/n must make the right choice. (This is the Kingsman: The Golden Circle movie basically in writing with reader insert. I recommend watching the movie, it’s amazing! It’s on Amazon Prime Video.)

Characters: Agent Whiskey, Agent Gin(Y/n), Tequila, Ginger Ale, Eggsy, Merlin, Champ, Harry, mentions of Poppy, Charlie, and Clara in coming chapters..

Word Count: 2.327

Warnings: Canon typical violence, angst, cursing, fluff here and there, uh guns?

Author’s Note: We’re finally here! I have been working so hard on this series and I have finally finished it! I’m so excited to be sharing this. Shoutout to my lovely @giftofdreams for being an amazing beta and friend. Also send my girl @queenxxxsupreme some love. After this series, I’ll be working hard on my requests and on my existing August Walker Series. Don’t worry, I didn’t forget it babes. Thanks for all the love I receive daily! If you’d like to be a tag, please send in an ask! As always, thanks for reading, feedback is always welcome/needed. Also, please reblog! I know this fandom is kinda small but I’d love for people to find this fic. I just worked so hard on it and I want it to get the love it deserves. Love to you all!

The loud sound of rain burned into Eggsy’s ears as he stared at the broken-down building in front of him. He didn’t know whether he should scream, cry, or curse anyone who was listening. He looked up to see a black figure walking towards him, holding a black bag. He immediately reacted, pulling out his gun, aiming it straight at his head. As the figure stepped closer, Merlin's face became visible to him but he never lowered his gun. Slowly the both of them started to walk towards each other as Eggsy gripped his gun harder, feeling it's weight get heavier with every step. “Someone decides to wipe out every Kingsman property, every agent, and somehow, conveniently, you weren't at home.”

Neither of them stopped walking towards each other, walking between all of the rubble of Eggsy’s blown up home. “I could say the same thing about you.

Finally, Eggsy stopped when he was a few feet away from Merlin, his voice cracking from emotion. “What, you think I'd kill Roxy? And my mate, Brandon, and my fucking dog?”

“No. You think I would?” Eggsy kept his gun trained on Merlin as he swallowed thickly. Merlin held up the black bag towards him, opening it up and pulling a robotic arm, holding it up. “This thing hacked us. Clearly, this arm can be remotely controlled. I'm only alive because my address wasn't on the database with the agents. Whoever Charlie's working with doesn't think that mere staff are missile-worthy.”

Eggsy scoffed angrily as he lowered his gun, his voice raising an octave. “This ain't funny. Roxy is dead! Everyone's dead! Gone! Do you even care?”

“Pull yourself together. Remember your training. There's no time for emotion in this scenario.” Eggsy nodded quietly in understanding. “Now, as all surviving agents are present, we follow the doomsday protocol. When that's done, and only then… you may shed a tear in private.”

Eggsy sighed deeply as he nodded. The loud sound of thunder echoed between the two men filling in the absence of conversation. The deaths of all the Kingsman weighed heavy on their hearts. “Okay. What's the doomsday protocol?”

“We go shopping.” Both of the men decided to take the night off and try to sleep. It was a restless sleep for both. First thing in the morning, they both headed for Berry Bros & Rudd; Wine merchants. They walked in dressed to the nines. Merlin approached one of the workers. “We're from Kingsman. We'd like to buy some wine and use tasting room number three, please.” The man in the shop nodded quickly, before taking both of them towards the room. The man left, leaving Eggsy and Merlin alone. “Not one of my predecessors has ever been in this situation before. Thank God.” Merlin walked towards a distinctive place in the wall, recognizing a familiar shape. He pulled out a pendant, exactly like one Harry had given Eggsy when he was younger. “A-ha. Remember this?” He showed it to Eggsy who smiled softly, remembering its significance.

“Yeah, how could I forget?” Eggsy watched as Merlin turned towards the wall, slipping the pendant into the shape, fitting perfectly into the molding. Loud sounds of locks being opened and gears turning filled the room. The wall slid open, revealing a black safe.

Merlin pointed towards the safe as he spoke to Eggsy. “Whatever's in that safe is the answer to all our problems.” Merlin got to quickly opening the safe. Pulling the door open, his brows furrowed in confusion as he leaned closer to see what he was looking at. “Huh.” He pulled out a bottle of whiskey with clear big letters that read “Statesman” on the front. He showed it to Eggsy who looked confused.

“Is that it?”

“I suppose that must be upper-class humor.” Merlin looked down at the bottle, analyzing it for a few seconds before looking back up to Eggsy. “I don't get it.”

“Me neither. What the fuck are we supposed to do now?”

“I think we should drink a toast to our fallen comrades.” Merlin served both of them cups of the Whiskey. Eggsy grabbed one and held it up towards Merlin as he grabbed his own cup, doing the same. They clinked their cups together.

“To Roxy.”

“Roxy.” Merlin oohed in admiration of the taste. Eggsy nodded his approval as well as they served another round, doing what they had previously done again. “To Arthur.”

“Arthur.” They both drank their whiskey before Eggsy stopped in thought. “Mmm. Should we do one for JB?”

“I think we should.” Eggsy pulled out a chair, sitting across from Merlin as they poured more whiskey. They took a drink for every fallen Kingsman. Leaving the bottle almost empty, Merlin started to cry, wiping at his eyes in pain with his handkerchief. “I should have seen it coming. Charlie, the taxi. It's all my fault.” Both men had forgone their jackets and glasses as they spoke.

“No, that's bullshit, Merlin. It ain't all your fault. You're the best, bruv. Honestly, without you, I'd have lost it a long time ago.”

There was a moment of silence between the two as Eggsy placed his hand on Merlin's shoulder. Merlin stayed quiet before reaching for the almost empty bottle. "I think we should drink to Scotland."

Eggsy quickly took the bottle away from Merlin. "I think we've probably had enough, to be honest." He analyzed the bottle as Merlin cleaned his glasses.

"You're probably right." Eggsy stared at the bottle. Looking closer he saw a small print at the bottom of the back of the sticker, 'Distilled in Kentucky'. The K looked very familiar to him before it clicked.

"Merlin."

"Aye?"

"I think we're going to Kentucky."

"Fried Chicken? I love fried chicken."

"No, proper Kentucky. Look." Eggsy placed the bottle on the table as Merlin slipped his glasses on.

"You know what else I love? Country and western music." Before Eggsy could say anything, Merlin started to sing. Eggsy was annoyed but listened quietly anyways. "Country roads, Take me home, To the place I belong.." The boys moved quickly, getting what few things they had left before flying over to the distillery. They noticed a tour happening as they arrived and they followed behind as the woman spoke. She didn't let them into a large warehouse, explaining something about how the temperature is perfect for the barrels and both men stopped. Eggsy scanned the door with his watch, nodding towards it.

"Biometric security scanner just to protect a few old barrels of whiskey? Pull the other one, love."

Merlin fiddled with his tablet as Eggsy watched him. "Got it." The door slid open behind Eggsy. They looked around before skidding in. Eggsy kept his hand up with his watch, surveying the area. They looked around amazed at all of the giant barrels.

"Are you getting anything?"

"Not yet."

"Fucking hell."

"It's a shame it's not scotch." Merlin's tablet started to beep loudly. "Hang on." He looked at the image, showing underneath them was the base. "According to this, there's a huge underground structure right beneath us." Merlin walked quickly to the end to place his tablet down, grabbing an axe placed lazily on the side. "And if my calculations are correct…" He moved towards the main barrel in the middle, holding the axe tightly. "This is the way in." Without a second thought, Merlin hit the wall with all his strength, denting and making a hole on the barrel. Whiskey gushed out of it and both men panicked.

"Fucking hell, Merlin. Shit." Merlin moved quickly, covering the hole with his hand.

“You know, my mama, she always told me us southerners get our good manners from the British.” A man slowly walked towards them, holding a shotgun loosely in his hand as it rested on his shoulder. Eggsy tried to act casual, crossing his arms and leaning on the barrel as Merlin kept his hand on the hole he created. “I was thinkin', ain't that a pity. Y'all kept nothing for yourselves. Y'all ain't never heard of knocking before you enter?” The man turned his head slightly, smirking before spitting to his left.

“Well, actually we had an invitation. Didn't we?” Eggsy looked over at Merlin as he nodded quickly.

“Yeah.”

“Oh, did you now?” The man watched them unamused.

“Yeah. It came in the shape of a bottle. We're from the Kingsman tailor shop in London. Maybe you've heard of us?”

“Oh, the Kingsman.”

“Yeah.”

“Huh. That's where y'all got them fine suits and them fancy spectacles y'all got on?” The man pointed towards them with the end of the shotgun, acting like he knew what they were saying was enough.

“Exactly.” Merlin nodded his head enthusiastically, almost as if he hoped they made the right decision.

“That's right.”

“Y'all look damn sharp. Let me see if I got it right, here. You want me to believe that it's normal for a tailor to hack through an advanced biometric security system with nothing but a little bitty old watch on?” Eggsy clenched his jaw nervously as Merlin frowned. They were starting to realize their name meant nothing. Merlin looked over at Eggsy with concern as Eggsy rolled his eyes, staring the man down. “I can promise you,” The man grabbed his shotgun, loading it as he twirled it effortlessly in his hand, aiming it at both of them. “That dog don't hunt.” With the shotgun, he motioned for both of them to get down. “So why don't you go on and get down on your knees and tell me who you really work for.”

Eggsy raised his eyebrows, mocking the man before looking over at Merlin tight-lipped, as Merlin nodded, silently saying, ‘okay, you asked me to’. He removed his hand as the barrel started to leak again, dropping whiskey all over the floor. The man quickly sucked up some saliva, spitting it across the way on the hole, covering it perfectly. Eggsy looked at Merlin with disgust before turning back towards the man with the same expression. “That's 1963 Statesman Reserve. You just made it personal.”

The man walked towards both of them, as they ran towards him at the same time as well. Eggsy raised his fist, ready to punch but the man ducked and hit him in the back with the shotgun. Merlin lunged for him next. The man hit him in the abdomen, looping his arm around Merlin’s and used his body weight to throw him against the barrel, knocking him out cold. Eggsy took out his gun but the man used the shotgun to trap his arm between his body and the shotgun before swinging it around and smacking it out of his hand with his shotgun. The momentum of the hit threw Eggsy on his knees as he swung the shotgun into his ribs, swinging it the other way around. Eggsy blocked the hit but still groaned in pain as the hit threw him against the barrel. The man pinned Eggsy’s arm with his shotgun before moving quickly to flip through Eggsy’s watch until he found the stun option. He pulled Eggsy off of the barrel and angled it so he shot himself with the dart. Eggsy stared at him in surprise as the man smirked. Eggsy moved to touch his neck where the dart was as he went limp on his legs. “Who the fuck are you?” Eggsy stepped back once before falling onto his back, blacking out quickly like Merlin.

“You’re right. You are getting better Tequila, almost as good as me.” The man, Tequila, looked up to the left where you slowly stepped out of the shadows. You licked your lips as you walked over to the limp bodies on the floor. You bent down beside Eggsy and reached out, touching his watch admiring the technology. “I guess you didn’t need me after all.”

Tequila smiled and shook his head as he nudged Merlin with his foot. “Now darlin’, don’t say that. You know I love having you around.”

“Well, duh. I’m a fucking catch.” Tequila laughed out at your comment before moving to grab Merlin, throwing him over his shoulder as he motioned towards Eggsy with a nod of his head.

“Can you handle him?” You frowned and shook your head. You were smaller than Eggsy and even though you were strong, you weren’t that strong.

“I can drag him.” You grabbed his arms and slowly pulled him towards the real elevator, dragging him inside as you huffed. He was heavy. Tequila laughed as he watched you and you glared at him.

“Did you hear?”

“What?”

“Whiskey might be coming down this weekend. Something about a meeting.” You visibly tensed as you clenched your jaw. You took a deep breath as Tequila watched you concerned.

“I didn’t know. How long?” You didn’t even realize you whispered this until Tequila reached over pulling you into his arms. The big lug basically swallowed you in his big arms but you didn’t care. You wrapped an arm around his waist before letting out a shaky breath.

“Just for the weekend. Has he tried to talk to you?” You shook your head as the elevator stopped, indicating you were on the floor you needed. “Good. How about we go to that restaurant I told you about?”

“Sounds nice Tequila. We’ll take Ginger. She’s really been wanting to go there.”

“It’s a date.” You giggled at his remark. You grabbed Eggsy once more, slowly dragging him towards the interrogation room you had. Once Tequila secured Merlin into his chair, Tequila moved quickly, securing Eggsy beside him. You sat in the far side of the room as Tequila took his place in front of the both of them, leaning on the table. He licked his lips, trying not to show how much he would enjoy this as he leaned over, slapping the both of them out of their unconsciousness. This was going to be fun.

Forever Tags: @iwantthedean @authoressskr @sorenmarie87 @reigningqueenofwords @goldenolaf25 @giftofdreams @winchesterprincessbride @chelsea072498 @kitchenwitchsuperwhovian @itakeawfultoawholenewlevel @fictionalabyss @gabby913 @angelkurenai @sea040561 @sleepylunarwolf @smoothdogsgirl @carryonmyswansong @feelmyroarrrr @evyiione @sofreddie @sis-tafics @nitelotus @trexrambling @dancingalone21 @manawhaat @mermaidxatxheart @winchest09 @ellen-reincarnated1967 @mrswhozeewhatsis @just-another-busy-fangirl @lovebodymindstuff @backseat-of-deans-67chevy @chook007 @akshi8278 @evansrogerskitten @bringmesomepie56 @persephonehemingway @blacktithe7 @donnaintx @queenxxxsupreme @whitewolfandthefox @riviawitch3r

Kingsman/Agent Whiskey Tags: @thesadvampire @le-roman-rose @mcudisiac @someone-take-my-bagelseverywhere @chibi-liz05 @marvel-avengers01 @themandjalorian @floccodineveautunnale @jassiepoohbear @gollyderek @retrobhaddie @wolf-lover74

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luvbotclub · 4 years

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MY SECOND DATE.

content warning for angst & character death. 3,044 words. inspired by the k-drama “while you were sleeping” and red velvet’s “my second date”.

author’s note: i’m sorry dis is actual Shit. >____< i have a thing where i think of sad fic ideas while listening to cute, happy songs and this is one of them!! i have a lot more ideas based off the red songs in the perfect red velvet but this is the one that stuck to me the most :] i think this has been in my drafts for two years already, yikes.

deep breaths.

you closed your hands and grasped jaemin’s hand tightly.

one.

two.

three.

4:07 pm.

jaemin was bound to be here any moment now, you thought as you shuffled through your makeup bag for that one shade of lipstick you knew he loved. today is your second date with your boyfriend of a year, which was a fact that your friends found ridiculous when you told them about it.

because of your very busy schedules, you two saw each other rarely and relied only on texts and video calls for communication. you were surprised jaemin had the actual patience to keep a relationship like this, since you knew that he was the kind who constantly craved to be in the presence of the person he loved.

you didn’t expect to be with him. to put it straight, you two were just drastically different from one another. jaemin was always bright, from the way he smiled to the way his hair colour changed constantly. he was the actual personification of an ideal summer morning, a picnic under the warm sunlight where you lay on the grass and smell the dew against your cheek, feeling the refreshing burst of watermelon and strawberries meeting your tongue. always smelling of roses and that one expensive brand of cologne you wanted to sink your face into.

and you? well, you hated being bright. you hated sunny days. you hated summer. you hated roses (god, you really despised roses and jaemin knew perfectly well of that). you hated that specific brand of cologne, but with jaemin, you soon grew to love them to the point your constant need for him to be by your side was almost insatiable.

when you two met, it was sudden. an actual cliche. probably something you could see in those romantic korean dramas you watched when you were bored during work. a force made you bump into a strong figure in your favourite coffee shop, the content of your cup spilling down both of your shirts. when you met his eyes, you feared for your life. he looked like a mean boy, again like one of those spoiled rotten bitches from dramas who’d slap you with a stack of their money for simply staring at them. but instead of the expected sneer, he gave you a big genuine smile that spread a small warmth in your stomach that didn’t leave you for days. apologies quickly left your lips as you tried your best to clean up his shirt for him with the tissue you were holding, but he stopped your wiping when he reassured that it was okay and that he didn’t like that shirt anyways. you felt so embarrassed that you thought you were going to die that moment. a blush soon grew on your cheeks as you noticed the growing outline of his toned stomach through the damp fabric.

he introduced himself shortly as na jaemin, an idol from a quite popular boy group. you didn’t recognize him and weren’t into boy groups at all since you were too immersed in your career to actually pay attention to everything else, but it didn’t come out as a surprise that he was some sort of celebrity — people in the coffee shop were already pointing at the two of you and whispering urgently into each other’s ears behind their hands as their eyes raked you from head to toe, probably making up a rumour of some sort and judging you for the bungou stray dogs t-shirt you decided to wear today. your ears went hot as you realized the sudden attention and jaemin led you out of the shop once he noticed your flustered state, not before apologizing repeatedly to the staff for the sudden uproar that you two have caused.

you found out that he snuck out of the dormitories with his other members to walk around since promotional season just ended. he wasn’t expecting to be out this late when you reminded him of the time. he said that he didn’t want to leave you and stayed with you until a taxi came by. before riding the taxi, jaemin asked you if you two could exchange numbers, since he wanted to pay for the coffee that was spilled on him. you told him that he didn’t have to yet he insisted, so you grabbed his phone with a pout and typed your number in as he did the same. just before you left he smiled at you and pulled out one of his spare sweatshirts from his bag and pulled it over your head.

“so you wouldn’t be cold.” he spoke shortly, before opening the door of the taxi and closing it once you got inside, but not before he shot a wink at you and away you drove.

you had to admit, you were scared that he forgot about you. you were trying to forget about the boy named na jaemin who you met accidentally, because it wasn’t like he’d be actually interested in you. you did a little bit of research on him and indeed, he’s an idol from a group named nct. you started listening to their songs and you can’t call yourself a fan, but you do enjoy hearing their music.

two days after meeting na jaemin, you weren’t expecting a sudden notification from him while listening to an ep by the subunit nct 127. you had to put your mug of green tea down, pause the song which you checked was named “jet lag”, and stare at the notification before tapping it and contemplating whether you should reply or not. he asked you how you were doing, apologized that he hadn’t checked on you right away if you got home safely since he was busy, and introduced himself again just in case you had no idea who he was.

the conversation was pretty awkward, but you tried not to think about it too much. you didn’t know each other that well yet and you were still testing the waters, both of you saying “no you” so many times that it drove you mad. you reminded him of the sweatshirt he left you, and asked when he was free so you could give it back to him. he told you that you could keep it and consider it as one of his “payments”, the other payment being a coffee date.

you had to draw back from your phone for a whole minute before sitting down on your bed and screeching into your pillow, phone in hand. he had asked you on a date so smoothly that it took you a few rereads before you got the meaning behind his message, and when it hit you, you felt blood rushing to your cheeks— a feeling that left you a little lightheaded.

you agreed on the date.

it happened later that week, on a friday. he told you to dress comfortably and thickly since you were going to watch a movie before going to a coffee shop so it might be a little chilly. you decided to wear the sweatshirt he gave you, basking in the strong scent of his cologne that made your ears go red as you thought of the way he smiled and flirted with you. you hated cologne, absolutely hated it. you felt sick whenever you got a slight sniff of it and the cologne jaemin wore was similar to the cologne your annoying coworker you sat next to at work wore, so it made you confused as to why you suddenly liked it (but it’s not like you were complaining).

the rest of your relationship went pretty smoothly, which surprised you. you thought you weren’t going to get along pretty well because of his flirty personality and the lack of patience you have for people like him. jaemin’s honey-like voice calling out to you, giving you compliments about the littlest of things like how the earrings you wore for today’s date fit you so well, and the way he’d act all cute and pouty whenever you rolled your eyes at him and his flirtatious advances— you usually found such things uninteresting, repetitive, annoying— but with jaemin, you found yourself slowly falling for him.

as you started dating, you and jaemin practically shared everything with each other. embarrassing stories that still haunt both of you to this day, your deepest darkest secrets, your fears, your interests, your aspirations, the strangest things that have happened and are still happening to you. you both agreed that it was a good way to communicate with each other, so that there wouldn’t be any feeling of doubt and embarrassment between you two.

but the only strange thing about you that he didn’t know about was you often had dreams that came true since you were just a child. sure, it sounds pretty ridiculous, but you didn’t know any other way to explain it to others without sounding a little crazy. you thought the same thing about jaemin. a part of you thought that he’d react normally to it since he loves you way too much to think negatively of you in any way (a thought that brought a small smile on your face), but another part thought that he’d probably find it strange in a way.

these dreams sometimes involve people who are close to you, but sometimes you see people who you have never met once in your life. most of your dreams aren’t that bad. some dreams end up being good, some end up being so gruesome to the point you were scared to go to sleep. you eventually lost count of the late nights where you laid awake in your bed, eyes fighting to stay open for you were afraid you’d see the bloody scenes that were practically imprinted on your eyelids again. you knew there’d be a new murder investigation by the moment you woke up the following morning or another car accident broadcast on the news for the whole country to see.

you couldn’t do anything about these dreams. you didn’t know how to stop having them or how to stop the things happening in them, but it wasn’t like you didn’t try. you saw a close friend of yours, seulgi, get into an accident during one of her friends’ summer out-of-town trip in one of your dreams where luckily she came out alive, but she suffered many major injuries that left her bedridden for months. you tried to convince her to stay in the city for at least one more day the night she was about to leave, but she insisted she needed to get out of the city to relieve some stress as soon as possible and your pleas fell on deaf ears.

as much as you tried to do something, you knew that whatever you’ll see is fate and who were you to go against that? even if it sounded way too hopeless to admit, you were only an observer, helpless in this situation.

you heard the front door slam shut once you were done applying the lipstick on, smacking your lips together and seeing if you missed any spots or overdrew. you looked up to see your boyfriend leaning against the doorframe, looking fresh with his freshly dyed grey hair and smiling down at your dressed up state.

“i really love that shade on you, baby,” he murmured, leaning down to press a kiss on your forehead before setting his bag and cap on the bed.

“that’s why i picked it for today,” you giggled and you saw the big grin on his face through the mirror, watching him undress and rummage through the closet for his clothes. “are you going to wear that one dress shirt?”

“you know me way too well, y/n,” jaemin laughed and pulled out the exact dress shirt you were talking about.

it looked simple, like any dress shirt would look like— a crisp white with translucent buttons lining down the front, but he always looked so handsome in it.

“of course i do,” you chuckled as he buttoned his shirt on, stopping midway once he saw you standing up from your chair and making your way towards him. you replaced the fingers on his shirt with yours and buttoned the last three two buttons on his shirt.

jaemin hooked his fingers under your chin, facing your head up so that you were looking at him. the look of pure adoration in his eyes made you swallow harshly and a shy shade of pink dust over your cheeks. he never failed to make you feel like this, as if you hadn’t been dating for a year already. your friends always told you that their boyfriends weren’t this affectionate after a year of being together, but you guessed that jaemin was different from them.

you were lucky he was different.

he leaned down to press a kiss on your lips and you kissed back eagerly, balancing yourself with tipped toes to kiss him deeper. you whined when he pulled away, a teasing smile on his face when he saw the pout on your lips.

“doing that won’t make me kiss you again, baby,” jaemin cooed, pinching your cheeks and smiling wider at the frustrated whine you let out. “anyways, we’ll be late for our reservation if we continue.”

“why?” you teased, walking to the mirror besides the bed to look at yourself and adjusting the dress you were adorned in. “you can’t resist me, can you?”

“you know i can’t.”

you looked back at your boyfriend and smiled at him, sticking your tongue at him before grabbing your purse from the bedside table.

god, you were going to miss this.

you bit back the tears that threatened to fall as you and jaemin exited out of the room, both dressed and ready to go outside. you swore you could bask in his scent all day long and you’d never get tired of it, the soft scent surrounding the car as you both got in and he pulled from the driveway.

as usual, jaemin’s unoccupied hand met yours once he started driving, his attention at the road not wavering once. you could only stare at his side profile and wonder to yourself what you did in your past life to deserve this kind of view right now.

you felt your heart swell, a mix of sadness and adoration swirling in your stomach and making it twist; you adjusted yourself on the carseat and looked ahead, fingers intertwining with jaemin’s.

you were really going to miss this.

last week, you saw yourself dying in your dream.

since jaemin had absolutely no idea that you had these occurring strange dreams that always end up happening, he thought that you were only having a nightmare so when you sat up in the middle of the night, a drop of sweat running down your cheek and eyes teary, he held you in his arms as you cried into his shoulder until you fell asleep, the bloody images still visible in your mind as you dozed off.

jaemin brought it up the following morning over breakfast and asked what happened in your dream that made you heave and struggle for breath the night prior. you shook your head and refused to answer him, jaemin soon stopped asking and didn’t pry any more into the situation as you stuffed his mouth with toast with a sleepy smile on your face.

what you saw in your dream was exactly what happened a few minutes ago; you were getting ready for a date with jaemin (you were adorned in the same shade of lipstick you were wearing right now), the time in your clock was the same, 4:07pm, the way jaemin looked at you was the same, even the featherlike brush of his lips against yours felt the same.

just as you were nearing the restaurant you made a reservation in, a loud honk startled both of you and jaemin, making you let go of his hand that wasn’t occupied by the steering wheel. just mere seconds before the car got hit, you remember looking at your watch and reading 4:49pm.

in your dream, you saw the aftermath of the accident. the images made you feel sick to the stomach as the photographs from the crash flashed on the screen, blurred so that it wouldn’t look as disturbing as the real thing but people could still see the skid marks smeared with hints of a deep red left on the streets through the filter.

the news anchor was talking about the accident the day prior while the headline flashed through the television screen— y/n y/l/n, victim of a brutal drunk driving accident in seoul, 20, pronounced dead at the scene. apparently, the truck driver was drunk during his shift and he was still yet to be found after he fled the scene, after a glint of fear appeared in his eyes after seeing your practically deformed body hanging out of the car’s windshield, limp and lifeless.

the silence in the car made you feel uneasy, heart beating in your chest way too fast and teeth biting onto your lips to not breathe so hastily and alarm jaemin.

you remembered yourself in the dream mumbling:

one two three.

before the truck made an impact with the car.

your eyes darted to your watch, the hands aimed at 4:48pm.

deep breaths.

you looked over at jaemin, and finally let the tears fall from your eyes. you grasped his hand tighter and inhaled deeply, holding it up to your lips and pressing a small kiss on the soft skin. you couldn’t see his face, vision becoming blurry as more tears fell, but you could feel a smile growing on his lips.

this time, you didn’t want to let go of him.

“jaemin.”

one.

“yes, baby?”

you were going to miss him.

two.

so fucking much.

you let out a little laugh, choking on your own sobs and jaemin was so clueless to it all as he finally looked at you, his concern growing when he saw your tear-streaked face.

three.

“i’m happy i get to spend my last day with you.”

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1175

What’s the last vegetable you ate, and when did you eat it? My dinner had broccoli and bell peppers in it.

What was your last Facebook notification for? It was Aliyah replying to our comment thread on one of my posts. There wasn’t anything in her comment that was worth replying to anymore, so I just reverted with a Haha react.

What bands have you seen live? Paramore, Coldplay (not super legally), and One Direction.

Tell me an interesting fact about your mother: She almost became a flight attendant, but she failed the final screening because of her height. I think the idea of her nearly having a completely different career is very interesting.

What do you think is the most important thing to happen to you before the age of 13? In my case, probably getting my period. I got my first one when I was barely 10.

What were you super against as a young child but aren’t anymore? Chicken curry. I also hateeeeeeeed Dora the Explorer with a passion, but now I find the show hilarious haha.

What are your plans later today? My work sched this week had been so fucking PACKED, that I want to do nothing but catch up on sleep all weekend. But seeing as I’m a proponent of revenge bedtime procrastination, I also highly doubt I’d let myself fall into a nap (Exhibit A: Me currently taking this survey at 2 AM...) If anything, I’ll probably just continue watching BTS In The Soop and finally start on Season 2 of Bon Voyage.

Are you doing anything exciting this weekend? Well, it’s the weekend already, so...that ^ I will also have to take Cooper to the vet this Sunday.

Who do you talk to the most? Other than my team at work, Angela. I’ve been extra talkative these days because of our now-mutual excessive love for BTS, that I sometimes feel bad that I keep bombarding her with messages.

What are some things you do regularly that make you feel old? Talk to my friends who are still in college, especially when they update me about the current happenings in UP that I have absolutely no clue about anymore.

Who is your best guy friend(s)? I don’t have any best guy friends.

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Neither; I’m fine with my tannish skin tone.

If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it? Keep it; I already do.

Have you had an x-ray in the past year? Nah. My last one had been nearly 5 years ago, when I needed to get my back checked for scoliosis.

Do you think your first love still loves you? No. And that’s okay. :)

What is something that is “going right” in your life? EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGG I am so so happy with my life right now weeeee. I have the job of my dreams – I’m even working with THE ACTUAL K-POP GROUP SLASH PHENOMENON SLASH ICONS BTS for one of the clients I handle FHKDHGKHGFDKGHDKGH, I have the best and most supportive friends in the world, and I am now starting to grow my collection of BTS merch with my hard-earned money. Everything is going abso-fucking-lutely perfectly, and to think I didn’t think I would make it past 2020.

When did you feel ready to start dating? Middle of high school.

When was the last time your pet bit you? If you don’t have a pet, have you ever been bitten by someone else’s? I was play fighting with Cooper earlier tonight, and he got a little bit excited and ended up biting my upper lip quite harder than usual. It stung for a while, but it’s okay now.

Where were you the last time you made out? I think it was my bedroom.

When was the last time you cried tears of joy? Yesterday.

How do you type your sad smileys? Just this :(

Do you have “decorative hand-towels” that cannot be used in your house? Nope.

What was the last soda you drank? Probably the Coke I drank at an org event last year, pre-pandemic, out of sheer thirst. There wasn’t any water being served so I just gulped down the soda and tried to ignore the annoying fizziness. I don’t drink soda.

What was the last thing someone made fun of you for? I was having a video call session with my workmates this afternoon as a way to end the week on a good note, and I recounted my experience of being locked out of the office while I was in the middle of a presentation for a client, and how I managed to get myself back in.

Have you ever had any type of surgery? Nope.

Should kids be allowed to get tattoos/piercings without parental consent? No.

Who was the last person to hit on you? No one has in a while.

What was the last thing you decided not to do, that you were supposed to? A deliverable a client asked me to do. It can wait til Monday.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to tell someone? Maybe straight up admitting to my mom that she can be hurtful sometimes. It’s hard because she never actually processes things like that and they do nothing but vanish into thin air, even though it takes everything in me to be that honest.

What do you put on hot dogs? Mayonnaise.

Ever fallen in the shower? Like once, when I was 10 or 11.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever called someone you care about? Continued from last night. It was probably ‘bitch.’ Based on what I’ve learned from my mom, I put extra effort in particuarly watching what comes out of my mouth, because I know how words stick.

Do you think that things will get better? I did, and now it has.

Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life? I think I may have. The story is a little triggering though, so I wouldn’t share it.

What’s your favourite book genre? Doesn’t really count as a genre but I like auto/biographies.

Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theatre? I’ve felt like it, but I’ve never done it.

Do dogs like you? Yes, at least for 99.5% of my experiences.

Would you say that you project an air of authority? In certain circles. But there are some groups where I trust others to lead rather than me.

Have you ever jumped off a high dive into a pool? Nah, because I’ve never seen one. But even if I did, I think I would be too scared to do it hahaha.

Do you use one towel when you shower or two? (one for hair, one for body) One. I use it to wash my entire body already.

Have you ever been to one of the great lakes? No.

Who do you know that had a baby recently? The son of one of my old college instructors. I believe she had been born in March because that prof recently posted family photos on Facebook that celebrated the baby’s first monthsary.

Do you like Usher’s songs? Not in particular.

When was the last time you went to a waterpark? Not a big fan of these as I find them unhygienic haha. The last time must have been...like anywhere between 12-15 years ago.

Have you ever ridden a train? Just once, and I had to go with Jum because I didn’t want to go alone.

What do you eat your French fries with? Mayonnaise. If there isn’t any available, I’d want the fries to at least be generously sprinkled with salt; otherwise I’d find it too bland.

Do you have family problems? Nothing blatant, but I know we are more dysfunctional than how we make it out to be.

What’s the last food you ate that was stale? Pizza. I got two extra large boxes for my birthday last Wednesday and until now we still have some of it around :((( I ate some slices at around 3 AM earlier and they were tough as fuck to chew, hahaha. Still good, though.

How do you like your grilled cheese? I don’t have grilled cheese sandwiches often. Surprise me.

What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? I don’t cook.

What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid? I liked watching my cousin play video games; playing outside; and answering my friends’ autograph books (aka my pre-survey days, lol).

Have you ever been close to drowning? Yup but just once. I was swimming and was just about to come up for air when one of my cousins, coming from the bottom of the pool, suddenly started to playfully pull me down. I was nearly out of breath by then and he had a much stronger grip on me, so I struggled for a while and ended up panicking and thrashing around a bit before I was able to wriggle myself free.

Have you ever had a panic attack? It’s rare that it happens, but when it does it’s really bad and there’s no telling when it would subside.

Do you like doing housework? Some, and only if I’m in the mood to. If I feel like I have to do it, then I get lazy.

Would you ever get implants? I considered it before as a teen, back when small-chested girls were still bullied or made fun of on an everyday basis. How fucked up is that? I’m so relieved at how much social media has progressed.

Do you own a robe? No.

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? I have a younger sister but she’s barely a baby; she’s literally turning 21 this year. Nina.

Do you like crust on pizza or do you cut it off? I like crust as long as it’s normal crust or stuffed crust. I can’t stand thin crust.

What was the last song you listened to? Euphoria - credited to BTS, but it’s a Jungkook solo.

Have any of your family members been to jail? Not blood relatives, but I know of super extended unrelated family members who’ve been to prison. Is there anyone that you feel you still need some closure with? I don’t think so. Sometimes no closure is closure.

Can you remember when you first learned how to read? I can’t, actually. All I remember is that I suddenly wanted to read everything by the time I was 5 and asked for nothing but storybooks every Christmas.

What event in your life has transformed your personality the most? College. Gabie also had a very big influence on me during our relationship.

Have you ever had any teeth pulled? Yes, but it was because it was already decayed.

Do you still want to be what you wanted to be in elementary school? No, but I do elements of it in my work so that works out well for me. I wanted to be an author when I was in grade school, and today I regularly write various materials in my job.

What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into? I just wanna get reconnected with The Crown again. I was already into it but I had to stop watching for a LONG time, because the show had some personal connections to my ex and so it seemed hard to get into the new season without breaking down lol. Now that I’m doing fine, I feel like it’s a good time to revisit the show.

How would you feel if you were drafted for the military? Won’t happen here, but it’s the kind of situation where I wouldn’t really have a choice and would have to follow.

What is your favorite Queen song? I don’t have any.

Do you know how to use any foreign currency? What do you mean, use...? Don’t you just use money to pay?? Hahaha or if you mean convert, then yeah I know how to do that with several currencies – US dollar, Korean won, Euro, Japanese yen, and whatever official name the pound has.

Been kissed by someone who you knew was “bad” for you? Nope.

Ever taken an at-home pregnancy test? I have not.

When was the last time you were at a loss of what to do? I usually don’t have plans laid out on weekends these days anymore, so lately it’s all been a matter of winging it and just wanting to make sure that by the end of the day I get to say I made the most out of my free time.

What did you do on your favorite date with a guy/girl? The time we did museum hopping + Italian dinner, or the one where we had French dinner + jazz bar.

What’s a movie you have seen in the theater more than once? I never do rewatches for movies still in cinemas.

What is the reason you’re still alive? I was stubborn and wanted to see if life would get better; I didn’t want to leave my dogs behind; I didn’t want to miss out on how potentially great and exciting my life could end up being; I didn’t want to cause and leave an even bigger emotional rift on my family.

I’m so happy I stayed.

Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom? Yeah. Not the best decision, and I wouldn’t do it again lol.

Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed? Sometimes, so that it doesn’t look like a bird’s nest when I wake up the next day.

Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.) I don’t think so. I have definitely imagined it in...other ways, though.

Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? Both in the superficial and loaded senses, yeah.

How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about? I felt kind of like shit, just because I slept for only 1.5 hours – my body automatically wakes me up by a certain time, no matter what time I fell asleep. And also because my back and shoulder muscles were killing me with how sore they felt.

Do you still tell your parents that you love them? I show it, but I don’t say it. I’m pretty stingy when it comes to that phrase.

Have you ever said “I love you” to someone you weren’t going out with? Yes? It shouldn’t be limited to people you’re dating? I express it to Anj and Andi all the time.

Have you ever been threatened before? Sure.

Would you date someone with a physical disability? Yes.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? Purely guessing, it’s likely. I’m not updated about her life anymore, though; life has been going on as if she never existed.

The last time you dyed your hair, what color did you dye it? I’ve never had it dyed.

Think of the last time you went out to eat. Who paid? I went out by myself, so I paid.

Do you save at least 15 percent of your income? Yeah. I had a very good saving streak in which I was able to save anywhere around 50-60% every month...and thennnn I became a fan of BTS early this month LOOOOOL so now I’m back to like square three when it comes to my savings haha. Like I still know my limits and when to fucking stop taking out money from my bank account, but I’ve been spending dramatically more than I have been in the last few months.

Do you ever go on Reddit? If so, what are some of your favorite subreddits? I used to go much more regularly, to the point where it was a part of my daily routine. Now I go at least once a month. I usually check out the Ask Reddit (for anecdotes), Today I Learned (for trivia), and GMM subreddits. Sometimes I’ll get on the Squared Circle subreddit as well to be updated on wrestling.

Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little? Many times as a flower girl, yeah.

Are your parents in good health? Fortunately, yes.

Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? Nope.

Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason? Not that I know of.

Do you have a favorite pair of pajamas? What do they look like? I don’t have pajama sets since I find them too warm.

Do you have any interesting pillow cases? Eh, I don’t think so.

If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be? Shoulder muscles or my lower back.

Are you more afraid of spiders or bees? Bees.

Have you ever worn fake nails? If so, what did the last pair you wore look like? No.

Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you? Native American.

#survey #surveys

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maknaesdancersrappers · 4 years

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july 21

hello. july 21 is a special day for me and you dont have to read this because its just me venting out my thoughts and emotions as long as i can without word/character limits on any platform.

july 21 is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. when i was born, my mom went abroad often and my dad had the regular 9 to 5 job plus extra hours for commute. so growing up with my sisters who are 5 and 7 years older, our grandparents and aunts took care of us.

im also more fond of my maternal grandmother since my paternal grandmother lived far away and we rarely ever get to see her (usually only during summers and once she stayed with us for awhile) until she passed away from Alzheimer's.

during the long hiatus i took early this year (late december to mid-march?), a lot has happened in my life. my health was put at risk because of the ash fall brought by the volcano eruption (january 12); i had allergies for weeks - i couldnt breathe properly, let alone sleep because of it. it was about to be the second year after graduating college and i have yet to get a job; the pressure from my family - and myself - was so unbearable that i caught myself slipping back to my very, very, very dark thoughts. and the worst thing that happened in those three months: my grandmother passed away. in filipino, grandmother is lola (loh-lah) and i’d like to use that for the rest of this post.

if you ask anyone in their neighborhood, any of our family friends, and relatives, everyone will tell you that her death was sudden. because everyone knows her as the sometimes-funny-sometimes-cranky old lady that owns the convenience store at the corner of the street. she was 96. she was 96 but she refused to get a wheelchair or use a walking stick even though her knees started to hurt after a few steps. she was 96 but didn’t need glasses to read most of the time. she was 96 but didn’t have any maintenance medication. ever since she reached her 90′s, she had gone to the town clinic at least twice because she fell over (from loss of balance) and busted her head. yet she would walk the next day like she doesnt have stitches on her scalp. she hated going to the doctor, she’d always claim that nothing hurts and the only thing she wanted the doctor to fix was her hearing (its as weak as how her eyesight is clear)

i wasnt the only one in the family that got severely affected by the ash fall. my lola also had trouble breathing because of it. she also went to the doctor for it and they only prescribed her antibiotics. please remember this info. this should be around early february

she got a little better but her voice was very hoarse from the phlegm. even before this, lola had little to no appetite and would only eat when someone else is eating (usually if it’s us, her granddaughters). and by little to no appetite, i mean her whole meal would be three spoonfuls of rice and one piece/chunk of whatever the main dish/ulam is. whenever we ask if she had eaten (even though we know she hadnt) she’d always claim that she already has (this eventually became a little joke in our family.) we took this sign as her dementia getting worse (although she was never really diagnosed with it, we had naturally assumed it because she would always repeatedly tell us stories that she insists happened even though some have been debunked and there were times she forgets our names if we havent visited in a while.)

after she gets better from the cough (idk the real diagnosis of it), her legs started to swell and because her routine had been reduced to being bedridden for most of the day, my aunts thought it was just poor circulation. it took two weeks before they brought her back to the town clinic and again, they just prescribed her with some medicine. everything after this is blurry to me until feb 21

my mom, being the eldest, made the decision to bring lola to the hospital. she’s, rightfully, unsatisfied with the town doctor’s diagnosis and prescriptions because lola is in so much pain and her legs were still swollen and its been weeks. i was with her in the emergency room while my mom and aunt did the paper work and the staff ran tests on lola. i’m contacting my sister who was in singapore and we’d video call to entertain lola since she was very adamant - and vocal - that she did not want to be admitted to the hospital bc she was “fine.” goSh she made so many hospital staff laugh because she would always announce whenever she had to fart. after like 2 hours, we move her into a ward and my mom tells me that i’ll have to stay overnight to watch over her. i was very apprehensive of this idea. i honestly did not want to. seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the fact we were in a room with other people and she was crying out loud made me really anxious but it was final. my mom, aunt, and uncle all went back home just to have dinner and they’ll come back since lola’s doctor would be coming by to give the results and for that hour they were gone? i lost it.

lola started talking/praying out loud, asking god why she was in so much pain, asking what she had done to deserve this; and i didn’t know what to do but hold her hand and kiss her head. i couldn’t even show her i was crying. when my mom got back, i told her i cant do it and she eventually convinced my other sister to join me, who cancelled her plans for the next day. that night, i did not and could not fall asleep. after a few hours, her doctor finally came by and dropped a bomb on us. he was kind enough to talk to my mom and aunt behind the curtains in the softest voice ever while i helped the nurse with lola, but i could hear him crystal clear.

cancer of the liver.

they even momentarily walked back to lola to touch her stomach and stepped back out. i almost thought i misheard, but my mom and aunt’s expressions were too grim that it basically confirmed it. later on, my mom finally told me and explained that the antibiotics she had been taking weeks ago were too strong for her because of her lifestyle and diet. there were tumors in her liver and surgery wouldn’t do anything. i dont remember what i did aside from sketching on the journal i brought, but until i got home at 10am the next day, i did not sleep a wink.

feb 22. when i woke up at 2PM, i was told that they had lola discharged from the hospital. there was nothing we could do but try to ease the pain to the best of our abilities and wait. starting that day, i went over to lola’s house to help out with feeding her, giving her medicine, and just trying to keep her happy by randomly smiling at her when i see her looking around or dancing to no music.

feb 24. these were the early weeks of covid - ph hadn’t had a case yet, i believe, but travel restrictions were being implemented. my sister in singapore was doing everything to make sure she could come home because we don’t know when, but we know lola was leaving soon. of all the things our mom told her not to do, she cried at the entrance of the embassy and by the grace of god, someone took pity and listened to her (bc she was denied entry since she had a small cough) and she was able book a flight at midnight and be home in 4 hours. that afternoon, when i arrived at lola’s house, that was the very first time i stood at the doorway to greet her like i usually did and she didn’t smile. not even the corners of her lips moved. she was in that much pain that she couldn’t even greet me back like she always did, which was to smile and nod her head. that night, we all decided to sleepover there (with the exception of my dad since he had to feed our dogs at home). i take my usual seat in the living room and i notice a white dress that i remember (from photos) being lola’s 50th anniversary wedding gown and without being told, i know it was what she was going to wear for the very last time.

feb 25. being notoriously a late sleeper, i was about to go to sleep at 2AM when i hear lola groaning and whining out loud. when i checked her, her stubborn lil ass was trying to get out of bed alone!!! so i obviously panic and try to wake up anyone by exclaiming that lola had to go to the bathroom - she’s been wearing adult diapers for weeks now but refuses to go in them and is adamant about bringing her to the bathroom so she could relieve herself - so me, and the same aunt and uncle from the hospital, assisted her into this modified chair so she could pee and the only thing i could do was hold her hand, like always. after that, my uncle said he’d watch over her and lie down beside her on the bed so in case she needs to go again, he can take care of it himself. after falling asleep, i heard a few hours later that my sister from SG arrived. when i woke up later on, my sisters and i presented ourselves to lola bc its been so long since she last saw us complete, and this time she was able to give us a small nod of acknowledgement. i realized that none of my uncles and aunts went to work that day, thinking it was just so we could be complete since my sister was home. but then i overhear them making plans to have a priest come over for the sacrament of anointing of the sick - which based on my last and only experience (my grandfather/lolo), this must be the day. during the session, a few of my aunts and an uncle cried. my sisters cried, too, but i forced myself not to. when the priest left, i don’t know how long, but suddenly, she was gone. i didn’t know how to react. this was the second time i’ve seen someone pass away before my very eyes. everyone was crying out for forgiveness, kissing lola’s head, but i couldn’t move one bit. i was finally crying, but i couldn’t move at all.

3 days. from learning about the real problem with lola, it only took 3 days for it to take her away from us. not even a week, or a month. the only bright side to this was that she’s finally relieved of all the pain that’s been causing her suffering. 3 days of knowing her time was very, very short, but it was still a shock when she finally left.

for the longest time, lola’s goal was to reach the age of 100 because apparently our government will reward her with 100,000 pesos (like 2k usd) for doing so. she wanted to reach 100 because she wanted to leave us with some inheritance haha. and everyone believed she could do it. no one doubted her. until this happened. maybe its just me, but i feel foolish... completely stupid and ignorant for knowing deep down in my heart that she would reach 100 that losing her 3 years prior her goal hurt me more than ever.

it’s been 5 months but remembering her death still makes me cry. i have dreams (and you all know im a lucid dreamer) where she’s still alive and we’re talking about how she beat cancer at 96 in just a few months, but then i’ll remember that she didn’t and the dream in front of me just shatters and i’ll wake up empty and crying. i have never felt so much regret after she passed bc all she wanted was to see me graduate and it was up to me to show her that i got my first job and give her a portion of my first salary, but i couldn’t even do that. i waited too long and now its too late. her ideal type for me was a rich atenean boy who could drive 😂 and i still couldn’t give her that bc im so anti-men. there was a time i was so scared to go back to lola’s house bc she called me out during dinner - “baket ka malungkot/why are you sad?” - when all i was doing was browsing through my phone, scarily enough going through another “episode”, and the last person i’d ever want to know about my possible depression was her. of all my suicidal episodes, i’ve always resolved them by thinking of her - that i will continue living because i wanted to see her smile. because i wanted to see her happy.

i miss her so much. i wish i had been a better granddaughter to her. the small things i’ve done for her were never enough. in the past 5 months, i’ve only dreamt about her twice (actually being with her) and both times made the day so hard to function. i havent moved on and i dont know if im the only one. i dont know if i’ll ever move on. she would have been 97 today. whenever she forgets my name, i’ll tell her i have the same birthday as her and she’ll remember me. she’ll say “ahhh rosean! july 10!”

if someone read through this, im sorry you had to go through that mess. but thank you for hearing me out. no, i’ll thank you the way my lola would thank people, verbatim:

thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

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